#this is collectively the worst and best thing I've made in a while I'd say

[jpeg-indulgence]

Would you believe this is what got me out of my art slump

Tagz: @brutally-loving @lady-mole @fictodreamer @brahms-and-lances-wife (I got to use your new url!)

And if anyone wants to be added, say so! If you want to be removed, say so! (Trust me I'll never be offended) If you already asked to be on the tag list and I didn't add you PLEASE SAY SO MY BRAIN IS A DECAYING MESS.

Coughs.

Thank you.

[copia]

Get to Know Your Mutuals! tagged by @circle--of--confusion, tysm!! <3 (sorry it took me a while to do this)

what's the origin of your username? ...hehe (this one is obvious but my main is the name of a mediocre torchwood episode)

OTP(s) + shipname: not big into shipping tbh - for ghost i'll pick a ghoul who serves my nefarious purposes with the papa of the hour lmao

favourite colour: blue :3

song stuck in my head: do i have to say it (satanized!!!!!!!!)

weirdest habit/trait: i've got autism so weird traits are my diagnosis :/ i really enjoy getting piercings or blood tests/vaccinations which is apparently odd, and i'm so un-squeamish that it worries my mother

hobbies: besides yapping on the internet and looking at copia images (and writing/editing) i play piano and do muay thai! both are kind of difficult to access atm (there's only one piano on campus and my gym takes an hour to get to). i occasionally do western boxing too and have sailed a lot (dinghies & the odd yacht) but that's an impossibility with my current financial/academic situation

if you work, what's your profession? full time student atm, studying biomed engineering (electronics). i'm in my final year and am struggling. planning a potential career change to vet med but that'll have to be after a bit of work (& probably getting more lab experience)

if you could have any job you wish what would you have? vet!!! i'm back to where I was at 5 years old with that one. bad work experience put me off pursuing it straight out of school but i was an idiot 16 year old when i made that decision, and also didn't see a future for myself. i can see one now and i know what's right for it :D i'll be applying for accelerated grad courses next year if they'll accept my biomed (cough electronic cough engineering) degree for that

something you're good at: maths

something you hate: embedded programming and machine learning and signal processing and matlab and eagle pcb design oh my god dont get me started

something you collect: i don't collect anything but i do own 3 copies of the three musketeers. and i'll reach 4 i'm not messing around

something you forget: not much, not even nights out. i have autism

your love language: idk what counts as a love language tbh. i like being helpful or giving people things or generally doing something that makes them happy. but ig that's just what love is as a whole

favourite movies/shows: hannibal!!

favourite food: was rømmegrøt when i could still eat/access it but my current fav is laoganma chilli in oil ... laoganma BELOVED (my housemate gave me a cushion with laoganma printed on it with the corresponding maritime letter flags because she knows me very well)

favourite animal: my cat tommy (16yrs in these photos. isn't he stunning)

what were you like as a child? autistic

favourite subject in school: english!

least favourite subject: german, because it wasn't taught well (like any mfl in uk state schools from my experience) and nobody took it seriously

what's your best character trait? this one got me thinking because idk. but i think i'm very non-judgemental. got the mindset 'all people are people' to an extreme

what's your worst character trait? i can get quite jealous, and not to be tmi but the emotional dysregulation is bad. won't elaborate 😭

if you could change any detail of your life right now, what would it be? also a bit tmi but i'd love for my father to be a real one sometimes

if you could travel in time, who would you like to meet? the set of great-grandparents on my mother's side who i never got to meet :') they were my mum's real parents and i think i would have loved them

tagging (no pressure as per usual and i'm sorry if anyone here has already been tagged!)-- @unsettlingcreature @watertankafternoon @vpyre @delullu @lilspacewolfie @dolceterzo @sadistic-cardinal :3

[glitternightingale]

Get to know your mutuals!

Thanks so much for tagging me @joyful-soul-collector !

What's the origin of your blog title? The first two words originated from the first ever email account I made. The GlitterNight stuck and I really liked to be called Glitter (so, by all means, pls do!). The name got longer across platforms.

OTP(s) + Shipname: I really like Meljayvik in all iterations right now. I usually prefer solely platonic relationships but I guess I also have a thing for fictional love triangles.

Favorite color: Turquoise

Favorite game: Genshin Impact bc I like pretty characters and exploration games with deep lore.

Song stuck in your head: This original song about Viktor called "No Flesh No Fear" (check it out, it's really good!)

Weirdest habit/trait? Rewatching the same shows I like until I've absorbed every little detail, collecting old types of paper for my sketchbook

Hobbies: Drawing, writing, crafting, cooking, (gushing abt other ppl's art)

If you work, what's your profession? I work at a company and help out in management while studying for my degree in business administration.

If you could have any job you wish, what would it be? I want to be an animator or character designer and one day work on a movie people can derive spiritually-enlightening meaning from. (humble, ikr)

Something you're good at: I'm a good listener and can give reasonable advice. I hope I'm also good at lifting others up.

Something you're bad at: Taking the initiative when making plans with others. I'm too passive sometimes.

Something you love: Nuance and depth in media.

Something you could talk about for hours off the cuff: same as above hahaha

Something you hate: Let's be dramatic and say the state of the world.

Something you collect: My sketchbooks and stickerssss

Something you forget: When I'm the creative zone, I forget that I have a body.

What's your love language? Ehm, words of affirmation and quality time!

Favorite movie/show: ...Arcane. But I'll never forget you, Encanto Fam!!

Favorite food: Gotta go with sushi

Favorite animal: Too many to choose from

What were you like as a child? More assertive? Peer pressure couldn't get to me lmao

Favorite subject at school? History! (It's like a collection of stories)

Least favorite subject: Physics? (Heavily depended on the teacher, tho)

What's your best character trait? You can count on me. I'll defend you to the last breath.

What's your worst character trait? My irl social battery. And being too critical of benign things.

If you could change any detail of your life right now, what would it be? Where do I even start?? I wish I could hear more good news tbh.

If you could travel in time, who would you like to meet? Never meet your heroes, I'd say. ;)))))

Tag as as many mutuals as you want!!

@voxconcordia @carmendyy @mercutio-the-velaryon @jaijeijayjei

@gioxy3ron @acewithapaintbrush @mmollymercury

[lostcausegeneralart]

Introduction to Tumbal !

Hello to all of my fellow ghouls and welcome to the first post on this new blog of mine! I, once before, that attempted to post of Tumblr yet I fell out of it and eventually quit, but today is indeed where that changes! And, for my grand entrance, I've decided to. . . Talk about one of my original characters for a long while. I admit that it is a tad cliché but context is important, especially with the characters I want to get to talking about in the hopefully near future. However, before I can get to the name sake of this blog, I will first explain one of my favorite characters within my collection of Deltarune ocs. So please, if you may be so inclined to go on this journey with me, I shall inquire about this character.

Tumbal is my idea for a Secret Boss for my take on Chapter Three of Deltarune. He, as his design might suggest, is based on the infamous Woody Theory based on Toby's remixes of the song You've Got a Friend in Me. Tumbal is not a skrunkly fellow and nor is he a chaotic critter, instead he is a horrific, compassionless beast who actively lures people into his abandoned set to kill them and use their bodies as puppets. To find Tumbal, you'll first need to find his Friends. Around Homewood, you'll be able to find NPCs that seem a little bit. . . off. They seem to be made of trash, people comment on their strangeness, and there seen to be vines growing around them. You'd find the first one very early on, and you'd need to find all four of them to get the OldReel. This reel can be given to one of the shopkeepers, Barley!

Barley's Light World object is an unopened wine bottle that Toriel left in the cupboard. He's a bit of an older gent but there's a reason he still gets roles in Rook's productions. He's chipper and runs a bar near the end of the journey. Once you find him and talk to him about his past roles, you can give him the OldReel, which will allow you to get his secret dialogue about Tumbal, after which he'll give you the TrashKey.

". . . sigh. . . So y' found out about it. . . Alright kid, pull up a seat, it's been. . . A while since I had to think about this. . . Look, everyone has their start. For some, it's a small production that shows their future strengths. For Rook, it was a small little show. A pretty low budget, dinky sets, an amateur filmmaker's playground. Tenna was the first to join, and then a casting call was put out and I got hired to do some work for it. . . But there was this one kid. . . He was full of hopes. . . And so many dreams of grandeur. Yeah, the show wasn't the best, but we all eventually grew to love our cast members and crew. It was great. . . sigh . . . Until the accident. The time for the finale had come around. We'd all been waiting for this day, all of us excited for what was to come. . . But then. . . Disaster struck. . . I don't even remember what happened, all I remember was a gunshot and then violent screams of agony. Everyone was running for the door, everyone was panicking and rushing out. . . Except that kid. He was nowhere to be seen. . . And I knew. I knew that Tenna. . . Tenna unintentionally. . . You can fill in the blanks. Some would say it was only up from there, I'd say that it's gotten so much worse. Tenna never really recovered from that, nor did Rook. It never felt like any of us were close or. . . Even friends anymore. . . Sometimes I think about that kid. . . And I start to notice things I hadn't before. . . Vines growing from mouseholes, trash appearing out of nowhere, random people disappearing. . . All I could think about after that was that leaving that kid there was the worst mistake any of us had ever made. . . . . . Maybe you could stop it for good and give us some closure on that, kid. . . Or maybe it's better to let the dead rot. . ."

You'd find the abandoned set in a lower level of Rook Tower. On of the only things visible once you'd get down there would be a fogged up piece of glass in the wall, like a forgotten window. . . But in the basement of all places? The place would be dark, filles with cobwebs, broken props, loose scripts, and vines galore. One you inspect the glass. . . You finally see the person you've been working your way towards this entire time. . .

* . . .

* {Come on, Kris! Just this way and-}

* {Just this way and-}

* { JUST THIS WAY AND-}

* . . .KRIS. . .IT'S ME. . .

* {Your Ol' Pal!}

* . . .DON'TCHA REMEMBER YOUR OWN {Pal!} , FRIEND. . ?

* FRIEND. . .

* I HAVE LOTS OF FRIENDS. . .

* YOU'VE MET THEM. . .HAVEN'T Y'. . ?

* ALL OF MY BESTEST FRIENDS. . .

* WOULDN'TCHA LIKE TO SEE 'EM

* {This isn't going back on air, Rook! Not after that god forsaken acci-}

* I SEE. . .

* YOU WANT TO. . .{Exit}. . ?

* FRIEND. . .

* YOU CAME ALL THIS WAY. . .

* Y' MADE SO MANY FRIENDS. . .

* WHY STOP HERE. . ?

* WHY STOP WHEN YOU'RE ALREADY {So far gone}?

* YOU DON'T NEED THE OTHERS. . .

* YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT. . .DON'TCHA?

* ALL OF THEIR FAILURES. . .ALL OF THE REASONS TO {shot.} THEM. . .

* {LITTLE KNIGHT! WHY DID YOU STOP THE SHOW ?}

* {I'm not cuttin' y' a DEAL, Kris. I'm not helping you steal all I've got.}

* {. . .What have I done. . ?}

* WHY DON'T Y' COME ON OVER TO MY SIDE. . .

* LET'S LET THEM FALL WHILE WE RISE. . .

* YOU CAN'T LET THOSE {Snake}S HOLD YOU DOWN. . .

* SO WHATDYA SAY. . .KRIS. . ?

Similar to Spamton's fight, you'd be alone for the first part of this encounter. Help would arrive only after you'd already used the TrashKey on the glass panel and entered into Tumbal's Domain. This location would be a whole 'nother level of dilapidated compared to the room before it. The life that used to permeate through this set, a place filled wall to wall with times of the good and the bad, is reduced to nothing but an ugly mess of decay and carcasses. . . Tumbal would monologue for a bit before grabbing Kris, throwing them to the floor and getting ready to tear into them, when Ralsei would burst in and restrain Tumbal with his scarf. The Fun Gang would stand in front of Tumbal, the first few notes of DEATH ANGEL blare out as he tries to shoot Kris dead. . . When a familiar green glow envelopes their soul and let's them, and by proxy you, block attacks. Unfortunately, Tumbal has a trick up his nonexistent sleeves, RED attacks. These attacks can't be blocked, but instead need to be blasted away by the Green Soul Mode's new ability, a beam that is charged by oncoming attacks and TP. Now the fight may truly commence!

Tumbal's fight would be a lot more difficult than the bosses before him due to his constant switching of the soul modes for certain attacks, even switching the mode mid-attack. Tumbal would throw everything he has at you, using bullets from his fingers, thorns, vines, signs from his speech quirk, trash, and anything else he could feasibly use to bash Kris's face in. To spare him, you'd need to shine light onto him, slowly causing his movements to become less erratic as he slowly but surely freezes in place. Once you are finally able to freeze him entirely, or beat him until he can't fight anymore. . .

A stage light would fall directly on top of Tumbal, killing him instantly.

Tumbal's end of fight dialogue would come from a recording that starts playing on a TV in the now darkened arena. It'd be the only surviving footage of Tumbal before the accident, and in it he'd talk with someone behind the camera about his hopes and dreams. Eventually, the recording would glitch and distort until Tumbal words would be stitched together to form one final statement, "let me be your strength." After this, you would be given the BanditsHonor if you spared him, the TwistedDagger if you killed him, and a ShadowCrystal. . .

So, that is Tumbal' entire quest line. I really wanted this to be dark and twisted because my take on Chapter Three is pretty light-hearted and it wod contrast well with the other two Canon Secret Bosses. For clarity's sake, I'd like to clear up a few things. Tumbal's speech quirk would have him replace phrases with signs in-game, but in-universe it would be him mimicking things he's heard before. This would be shown through other character's dialogue noises playing during these brief moments. I know this is very similar to Spamton. . . and I don't have much to add after that. Anyway, Tenna and Barley aren't the only ones affected by Tumbal. A minor character in the storyline, Chai Nelguid, would be manipulated by Tumbal to try to get The Fun Gang to him earlier. The rest of The Midnight Channel, the main villains of this chapter (Mike, Rook, and Tenna), would all be affected by his death. Rook would try to play it safe from now on due to Tumbal's death, Tenna would grieve and try to cover the entire thing up, and Mike. . . Mike has a few loose ends he needs to tie up for his master plan. . . Finally, here's a list of his tracks.

*flytrap.ogg - Tumbal's Friends' theme.

*corpselily.ogg - Abandoned Set theme.

*DEATH ANGEL - Tumbal's battle theme.

*foxglove.ogg - after-battle theme.

For making it this far, here's some art of him that I've made! Some of these may include other people's characters who I'll be sure to credit!

These three don't have anyone else in them besides characters that I made for my Chapter Three Take. And Kris. They're also there. So is Susie and Toriel.

All other characters mentioned or shown besides Tumbal are owned by @glitch-the-artist . Yes, even Sailor Moon. /j

That concludes my rant about Tumbal, if you'd like to know more, Tumbal has a Toyhouse that you can look through. There isn't much and it is a bit outdated but I think it's neat. Thank you so much for reading through this massive post and, to those who've awaited my return, I expect nothing, so shock me with something. That is all. Goodfright from me!

https://toyhou.se/28008045.tumbal

[dardinan-ingellvar]

Interview About Emmrich

(These are the questions asked about Dorian toward my Inquisitor. Figured I'd answer them about Emmrich this time) Hello, Dardin'an.

Hello!

How are you doing?

Alright, could be better, I suppose. Bit worn down after the whole 'fighting two gods' thing...But I'm good.

Let's begin.

1. Who is your partner? Tell us a bit about them.

Emmrich Volkarin. He's a professor in the Necropolis, smart, charming, kind, witty....handsome as hell, and quite the silver fox...

2. How did you meet, and how did you get together?

Oddly enough, we never actually met during my time learning under the Mourn Watch...I'd heard his name float around, I think...It sounded familiar anyway. And I always got the feeling we'd met before, but...Ah well...We met after a bit of a catastrophe involving two dragons in two different cities...I picked Treviso...but it wasn't enough, and we needed a dragon expert, and a Fade expert. The first time I saw him, his head was a glowing green skull, but I fell hard and fast. And then he showed his true face after a few moments, and I was done for. He was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen...Somehow nostalgic, like filling a void I didn't even know I had. After some light flirting, a couple dates, and almost being lost in the Fade forever, we made it official...I mean, I was bound to him the moment I laid eyes on him, but...You know...'official'...*wink, wink*

3. What is your partner's best physical feature?

His smile, his eyes, his hair, his mustache...his height...I really might be able to list every single thing.

4. Name one hobby or passion of theirs.

Hmm...I mean, he is big on alchemy, and he has numerous collections...books, skulls, jewelry...I think that last one might be the strangest. And he has this one bracelet he says started it all...I swear one of my first lovers had one just like it, but it looks custom...And I don't remember which one, even though I seem to remember giving them one...But...Uh...Can we move on? Something's...weird.

5. Name one thing you like about their personality.

He's kind. Like, in ways most people aren't. Even though he did wish for Lichdom, and being truly immortal like them, nothing he does is selfish. He even sacrificed his chance at his dream to save our son's life. Our son, the...talking skeleton, by the way. He's quite the wisp. Even knows magic now.

6. Name one thing you dislike about their personality.

He can be a little obsessive. Don't get me wrong, that's not inherently bad. In fact, I find it endearing more than anything. But he has tried to take half the library with him on certain ventures, including a camping trip with Harding. It's cute, but it can get in the way of actual experiences. It's about the worst thing I can think of...and it's not even that bad. Oh! That, and he's a little *too* proper sometimes. I do think he could do to relax more, you know? Let loose, let his hair fall out of place a little from time to time...But I also think it's part of his charm...So...Heh...I'm so disgustingly smitten, I know it.

7. What is something you absolutely love about them?

Haven't I gushed enough? No...Scratch that. I'll never gush enough. He's just the best thing that could have ever happened to me. He's always putting me first, while I'm doing the same for him, we're wildly compatible, in just about every way, and even when we aren't spending time together, everything just...feels right, knowing we're together as a couple. Like, in ways I've never felt right before...

8. What is something you absolutely cannot stand about them?

Yeah, I really listed the worst things already...There's nothing I can't stand...Well...Actually...That's a lie. I would like to wake up next to him, but the man wakes up at the most Blighted hours of the morning, so I'll never beat him to it. I do hate that.

9. Is your partner the romantic type? Do you want them to be?

He is a true, old-fashioned romantic, in the best way...And I wouldn't have it any other way. He was entirely about sweeping me off my feet before we...'consummated', and wouldn't even kiss me until we had a proper dinner by candlelight. I am constantly in awe of how much effort he puts into the more romantic moments...

10. What makes them special to you personally?

I...know this is going to sound weird, but...I don't know. Like, he just makes me feel a certain kind of way, like I knew him before...Well, before I existed. And after I met him, looking back on past loves, I think I was always looking for him? Like, I was meant to find him somehow, or more like I needed to...He isn't my first love by a long shot, but he is the only one that's felt real...But I didn't know that until I met him. It's hard to explain.

11. How much do you think your partner loves you?

As much as I love him, at the very least. He wears his heart on his sleeve, and he shows it every time we're together. I often wonder if he feels the same familiarity I feel with him...even though it doesn't make a lick of sense.

12. Do you want to be with them for the rest of your life? Do you think you will be?

I...may have a ring and a promise at the ready. But that's just between us......As to whether we will be together for the rest of our lives? I mean, I lead a dangerous life, but he is 20 years older than me. I'm not blind to the fact that he's likely going to die before me...though I could just as easily make a wrong move and die in a fight against some new ancient horror that's been unleashed on the world. But we'll be together as long as we can. That much I do know.

...And before you ask, yes, it's an age gap...I get it. I'm a proper adult, and I know what I'm doing. If I'd met him when I was freshly 18, I would understand the odd looks and questions, but I'm 30. I'm aware of who I am and what I can handle.

13. How are they in bed? Do you enjoy the sexual side of your relationship? Or do you not want to talk about it?

Heh...He's surprisingly less 'proper'. I'll leave it at that. But I love it. He knows how to light up the nerves at the slightest touch...He really wasn't joking when he said he was 'familiar with the finer points of anatomy'...The man is an expert. In all kinds of ways and practices. So...Okay, maybe I went deeper than planned, but it was worth it.

14. What is your partner's family like? What do they think of you?

Well, they are dead, but we visit his parents' graves often...He says they'd have loved me. They were apparently very kind, much like he is. So...It is nice to think about. I only wish I could give him the same promise, but my parents left me in a tomb...So...I don't know if that was so I'd be found, or to bury a regret...And I don't think I ever will.

15. Do you think you and your partner are good parents to your kids? What is the best and worst part about parenting?

Manfred is in the best hands he could possibly be with Emmrich. And I do my best. It's oddly natural with him. Maybe it helps he's not a baby though. I've always been a little uncomfortable around those.

Thank for taking this interview, Dardin'an.

Anytime! I'm an open book!

[quicklikelight]

... In light of the last thing I reblogged, since I'm not actually sure if I ever I ever told folks here...

Mental health/medical diagnosis info under the cut.

I was misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2010 following the birth of my son. I'd had anxiety, depression, and what I now know is OCD symptoms for years at that point, but they all got much worse after kiddo was born. I believe I've shared here before that I was very ill while pregnant, and nearly died before and during my emergency C-section that bright kiddo into the world. I have very few memories of my pregnancy but the ones I do have are impressed into my brain like the world's most depressing stamp collection: not neat pictures, but deep grooves that form shapes and can be laid over one another to see the cumulative chaos, the terror that I still feel every time someone puts a blood pressure cuff around my arm, the dissociation from my body that I still have because all I can remember was it hurting.

I had cptsd before I ever got pregnant, but my pregnancy made my symptoms so much worse, and a doctor who spoke to me for three seconds gave me the "convenient" diagnosis of bipolar disorder. I was a young woman in college, it was 2010, and he never asked me anything about my life. This diagnosis wasn't corrected until 2022.

I'm sharing this because in the past I frequently blogged about being bipolar. I wasn't bipolar though. What I thought was mania was just my behavior when I was triggered beyond my ability to ignore. What I thought was depression was... Well, it was depression. My life was miserable, my ex is a horrible human being who deserves to be thrown in a deep pit full of snakes, my family hates me and acts like it, I lived in Texas of all places, and on top of that I was working in a dead end job that I couldn't ever seem to escape.

In 2020, I was fortunate enough to move in with my friend LC and her family. We weathered the worst of lockdown together, our children becoming close friends, and I'm grateful for the time, energy, space, and love LC afforded me to begin recovering from a lifetime of wounds.

I'm 2021, I moved to New York state to live with my best friend, my heart's companion, @tofixtheshadows. Dea has been the best partner I could want as I grappled with my changing sense of self, the sheer madness and unreality of what my life used to be. I am so fortunate to call her my best friend and to be able to share my life with someone who knows me and wants to help me be better.

I found a psychiatrist in 2022 who changed my life when she said, "I believe everything you say that happened to you. I think bipolar disorder is a convenient diagnosis for a man to give a traumatized young woman when he isn't interested in doing his job well. You aren't bipolar, Anne. You have PTSD."

I was shocked. I shouldn't have been, since I already knew Dea thought I had PTSD. But it seemed so out of left field to me, that... Well, that maybe there hadn't been anything inherently wrong with me in the first place, as I had been led to believe, but that the years of horrible actions happening around and to me had just taken their toll.

It was liberating. Scary, but good.

I've been working with my psychiatrist and a therapist since to try and build more tolerance, better coping skills, and to process my trauma. It's slow going. Life doesn't stop because I need EMDR. But it's ultimately been so rewarding, and I'm still only in the early stages of the work.

Last year, for basically the first time in my adult life, I was able to go off of all my mood altering medications. I just didn't need them anymore.

I'm still in treatment and working toward goals that will probably take a while. But I am happy. I'm actually happy for the first time in my entire life. And to me, that's pretty much everything.

[hxhhasmysoul]

Just see this in twitter by someone :

"Why do people read shonen for subtextual doomed yaoi click bait when X exists and you don’t have to pretend?"

"I'm starting to think maybe people should read actual BL manga. perhaps considering manga written with actual gay characters in it in addition to shipping m x m from whatever battle shounen you're into."

Like because of those subtext, there can be fanfics and fanarts, right? And then I decided to come here, this blog of yours is one of my favorite place...

First of, thank you for the kind words. I'm glad you're enjoying my blog even if it's a hot mess at times.

While I enjoy my ships that I have from the shounes I like, I didn't read /watch HxH or JJK for the ships. When I first watched the HxH anime it was after years of deep depression where I stopped reading things and watching things or playing games with plots. I'd just put forgettable shows or youtube videos in the background and play some mind numbing click game if I wasn't working.

I literally don't remember anything from that time, at least I was semi functional then, I had worse times. But summer was the worst, I didn't make much money generally but over the summer I had like one fifth of my regular work load at best and I just couldn't handle the existential dread and anxiety.

And I was watching videos of people speaking about media i knew all day and eventually I ran out of those that were about stuff I knew but I liked the person's voice so I clicked onto videos about stuff i didn't. And things they said about HxH made me go: really? And it was something about the last phase of the Hunter's Exam, it had nothing to do with any ship.

And I made the effort to watch a whole ass fucking anime. Like 100+ episodes. In about 5 days. It had characters I really started to love early on like Gon and Killua or Melody and train-wreck characters like Hisoka or Illumi that I couldn't stop myself from looking at with utter fascination, like wtf. And it had these intertwining plot lines and it didn't focus on just one character and Gon didn't even fight some of the bosses and the plot just veered into places I didn't expect but in the best fucking way possible and in the Chimera Ant arc it was really going from bad to worse and getting more tense and painful and the sense of dread and doom was mounting ... and it traumatised me. And I didn't know what to do with myself and for the first time ever I turned to fandom to process what I've experienced. And yeah I came out of convince that Gon and Killua loved each other in a romantic way and it was very important but like I didn't go into it or even kept watching for that.

HxH unlocked in me the ability to enjoy stuff again. To actually interact with media. It made me write alone again, not just co-write with a friend.

And like I don't watch/read that much. I don't have the time or energy, I also want to keep enjoying fandom and that takes up time and write my own stuff.

I don't even remember why I watched JJK. I knew absolutely nothing about it going, not who the characters were, not what the plot was. Like I must've read some blurb but I really don't know. And like episode one and I loved Yuuji and I just kept watching and the Junpei episodes came and I had to stop watching for a day and collect myself because how could they you know, how could they to my child... And after I finished the anime I read the manga and it was better? And worse, so much more traumatising.

But JJK is my kind of story too, it doesn't overfocus on one character, it has intertwining plots. It has some characters that I love or am fascinated by.

Years ago I used to read a lot of BL but none really stuck with me because they weren't that much my kind of stories. I'm not saying they were bad, they just weren't it for me.

But this is why I read HxH or JJK. The shipping for me is the result, not the reason. I just want more with the characters I love, more situations more emotions. So I love the fanart and the fanfic and it really adds to my enjoyment of these characters and their stories.

But also everyone is different and reads for different reasons. So people who say you should read X instead are really presumptuous, the imagine that they understand why someone enjoys something, what experiences and emotions they are after. And like maybe there are BL stories with characters like Gon and Killua and Yuuji, there are certainly BL stories with guys with kinda Sukuna vibes, I vaguely remember that. It's just that I haven't stumbled upon any that'd have the other factors too that make me enjoy HxH or JJK. Maybe I will encounter them and enjoy them but with how much time and energy I have, I likely won't go out there to look for them to prove someone's point that I'd just enjoy those hypothetical stories more.

There's this annoying culture in fandom where people expect others to justify why they enjoy things. And it's not enough for you to have a reason to like something, the reason will be scritinised and it's validity will be judged. And those people who feel that need to play judge to what others enjoy and and how, they really make fandom and online spaces worse for everyone. They are like those nosy neighbours who stand in their window all day watching what everyone else is doing. And we all know that the window neighbours are creepy, but somehow the fandom judges are not called nosy and creepy enough and honestly they should be. Because honestly they should mind their fucking business.

[armpirate]

UNDER HIS SKIN || JJK || Ch. 9

Pairings: tattoist!jk x fem!reader

Genre: smut, angst, friends to lovers, tattoo au, virgin reader.

Summary: They say there are two versions for every story, and it's important to hear both of them. Everybody is hearing your side of the story, but it's just fair to get to know his.

After breaking up with his girlfriend, the only thing he wanted was to have fun with no attachment. You wanted to get rid of your virginity, and he wanted to tick you off his list. What he didn't expect was getting so emotionally attached to you that he would regret the deal.

Previous || Next

MASTERLIST

She doesn't live in one of the best areas of New York, but it's not the worst one I've been in either. Although this building... It looks like it might fall down at any point.

The cracking sound of the door draws my attention back to Y/n, finding her fighting to open the door. Her left hand twists the key, while the right one keeps pulling from the door until it finally opens. That sudden move almost made her fall to her back -and I say almost because I hold her by her arm before she's able to stumble enough to fall.

When she's aware of my hold, she hawks and moves her arm away cautiously.

—You do this every time you go in? —I look at her surprised— Last week I thought you were just so mad and frustrated you fought with the first thing you found.

—It'd be easier if we could fix it. But most of us earn just enough to survive every month.

I understand what she is trying to say. I guess that, if they're living here, it is because they can't really afford a lot more than enough to survive. But it still doesn't take away the fact that living like this is a headache. What if one day that trick doesn't work out and she's just stuck outside?

Sooner or later, they'll have to repair that door. Either it'll be by choice or they'll be forced to do it.

—Lift or stairs?

—It depends —I put my hands in the pockets of my cargo pants.

—I live on the fourth floor.

After driving for more than four hours, only stopping to get some gast? Yeah... no.

With no need to say a word, I lift my hand and point to the closed metallic lift. And if the door problem was something to worry about, the elevator only makes me concerned for her safety and genuinely makes me ask myself if she actually dares to go up and down on this thing. Being able to see the wires in charge to move this box up and down the building, the flickering lights giving the best horror movie environment and the buttons that Y/n almost had to punch to get this thing to move? She shouldn't be living in these conditions.

—Welcome to my humble home —she informs me after opening her door.

The big contrast is mind-blowing.

Opposed to the unkempt building, her house is tidy and cozy. And that floral scent that welcomes me as soon as I step inside only makes it even better. Everything just sticks together. There's a lot of white, gray and pastel colors -which is something I'd have never related to her if I had had the chance to guess.

Somewhere across the room, I see a similar turntable I have at home, and it seems like she has a big collection by the big amount of vinyls displayed on the small shelf next to it.

—Oh —I point to the old turntable in the living room corner—, I have the same model.

Pathetic way to try to start a conversation with her right now. I'll give myself that.

—It was my grandma's —she shrugs—. I also have a collection of all the vinyls she bought —she points to that same shelving, that's as tall as the furniture where the turntable is lying on.

Pressing my lips together, and aware of the grimace expression I've made, I simply nod and keep looking around, trying to find something to talk about. Or more like trying to find something that could give me a hint about who she actually is.

—Do you want something to drink?

—I'm fine.

I walk around, looking at all the details and seeing some pictures displayed on the furniture near the entrance door. A more innocent and smiley Y/n appears in one of the pictures, next to an old woman.

—So, are you going to rate my house?

And there she goes. Peace lasted way too long.

—Will you still play the enigmatic and interesting role? —I turn to her— You were about to set some rules.

—About that...

It doesn't take me long to guess she didn't think about anything, and probably she was sure she'd be able to come up with something while I was here.

—You didn't think of anything —I finish and think of the most important rule—. Then let me start: let's stop bitching at each other. Let's move on from that.

Whatever happened between us, needs to stop. We're both grown ups to still be bickering and fighting because of a misunderstanding three weeks ago.

Time to let that shit go if we're doing this.

—Two: Limits —she continues—. I want to set the pace of whatever this will be.

Which makes total sense.

—Of course —I let my body fall on the couch—. Three: Communication. If you don't feel comfortable with something, or you think you aren't ready, I need you to tell me. I will stop and I will mold to you. Like... If you don't feel like talking with a dude, or do something in bed with me, it's fine. We are here for that, so no need to rush it.

She crosses her arms on her chest, keeping her eyes on me as I sit comfortably on her sofa, as if I had been here more times than I could count them.

—Four: We can't tell anyone —she points a finger at me, as if she were warning me—. Let's keep it between us and as low key as possible.

—They'll think it's weird we get on well out of nowhere.

—As if they'll care that much about it. I'm sure they have more things to think about rather than you and me, and our childish fights —she interrupts me—. Doubt they'll notice.

I tilt my head, accepting her proposal.

—Five: No jealousy.

She cackles at my idea, which makes me frown.

She's laughing now, but at some point it'll happen -and probably it'll be from her side. It's good to set some things straight before we get into business.

—Okay, fine. I'll try not to fall for you. And I'll try not to fight every girl that drools for you. Alright?

Rolling my eyes, I decide it's a good idea to write all of this down. So as I try to remember everything we settled for now, I typed them on the phone.

—We need to write down all of this —I justifies myself—. I'll send you a screenshot when we're done. Your number, by the way? —I look up to her, and huffing, she finally gives me her phone number—. Six: You can't go out with the same dude more than once.

She huffs again, and I'm seeing every intention to protest against it. But I stop her before she's able to.

—You need to hang out with different guys to be able to get all the skills you need.

—Or more like you won't be able to enjoy your part of the deal if I fall for someone.

Oh... she really thinks I haven't thought about that.

—Let me get there —I type the rule on my phone before I say it out loud, sitting carelessly and resting my back on the backrest—. Seven: You can't fuck anyone. At least not until I do it first.

That sassy smile slowly vanishes away when I speak up about my idea.

What did she expect? Me getting her ready to be with a random guy, just for them to get a reward of all my hard work? That's not fair.

—You're kidding, right?

I shake my head, playing with my fingers on my lap as I let my phone rest on my thigh.

—It's a transaction, that's what the deal is about —I continue—. This is your part of it.

—And what if I like someone and I want him to be the first time?

—That's exactly why the sixth rule exists —I smirk—. I want to be the owner of all your first times, Y/n. I'll be working for it, and build you up to be ready for it.

And being the first one to taste her and feel her, after the big challenge she's been, is the best reward I could think of right now.

Moving my phone to the side of the couch, I reach for her hand, guiding her to move closer to me so she ends up standing in between my thighs. Both of my hands bring her closer by pushing her from the backside of her thighs, something that cuts her breathing momentarily as I try to place her on top of me, straddling my lap. My hands move up, until they both cup her hips over her gym pants.

—If I can't fuck with other guys —she whispers—, you can't fuck other girls.

—You want exclusiveness?

—No, fairness —she corrects me—. This is our deal, remember?

And I think it's a fair rule.

—Rule number eight: My release is yours —I rub my lips against hers.

—And my first times are yours —she finishes under her breath.

I move my hands over her body, delighting myself with being allowed to touch her this way after thinking about it for so long, deprived and forced to look at her from the distance.

I trace her jaw with my fingertips, moving up to her face to place one of her locks behind her ear. A route that my lips follow, from her lips, to her jaw, until they reach her earlobe. I can feel her fast paced heartbeat against my mouth as I travel over her skin, and I'm convinced she likes it when her mouth lets out a heavy breath as soon as my teeth get in contact with the spongy part of her earlobe.

Still holding her with my left hand on her neck, I reach the phone and manage -hardly- to type the rest of the rules down on the notes. I can see her eagerness and impatience whenever my eyes go up to her. And I know she's totally done when both of her hands rest on both sides of my head, as she tries to bend closer to my neck to be the one teasing me. But I move faster. I throw my phone somewhere on the couch, and cup her face with both of my hands again just to redirect her lips to mine before she can even think of being in contact with my neck.

Her lips are a bit clumsy at first, finding it difficult to follow my moves. But damn, don't they feel soft and addictive. Slowly, she catches the pace and encourages herself to directly touch me, making it hard for me not to groan when her cold fingers lie directly on the exposed skin of my neck.

She opens her mouth a bit wider, letting my tongue dig in her cave. That first touch with her tongue, mixed with the taste of her spit is making my brain go places it shouldn't go to right now. She gasps when I twirl my tongue around hers, and I can't help but grin at that reaction.

It really is making it difficult for me to hold back everything I want to do right now.

—Is this your first kiss? —I ask, breaking up the kiss.

She doesn't answer straight away, instead... I kind of feel bad for making that question when she frowns, and looks at me concerned.

—Was it that bad?

I move my thumb on her cheek. It was obvious she's inexperienced, but not in a bad way. If I hadn't broken up the kiss, I'm sure I'd be hard like a rock in my pants.

—Not at all, and that's dangerous.

Stopping myself before it's too late, I lift her up and let her rest back on the couch. She's confused, probably expecting more from this first time than just a kiss.

—You're leaving? That's not fair, you're such a teas...

—I'm leaving —I start walking to the door—. Now we're in a tie.

Of course mentioning what happened in the studio is way better than saying I'm so turned on, I'd probably would be ready to fuck her just with a kiss.

She doesn't need to know that.

—Anyway, this was an introduction of how it'll go between us from now on —I make a small pause—, cocktease.

—Stop calling me that —she warns me.

Oh, if she only knew she's only encouraging me to use that as her nickname from now on. The more she hates it, the more I'll use it.

—Okay —I sigh—, cocktease.

I rush to close the door of the apartment as soon as I see her taking her shoe off and see it fly across the room. Although I'm fast enough so I just hear it collide against the door.

Smirking again, I take my phone out and see her contact. On her name, where she wrote "Y/n", I edit it just to write "Cocktease".

It'd have been better if she had just ignored it.

[justporo]

From your fanfic Q&A prompt! 13, 14, 15 and 18! <3 :D

Thanks for asking, Anon! From this Q&A thing.

13. What are some must-read fanfics in your fandom? Why do you admire these, and how have they impacted your works?

I'm not nearly reading enough fanfics about Astarion - which is solely because I have too much shit to do... So it's mostly one-shots I come across.

I guess, for one, you absolutely HAVE to read @tripleyeeets A Lover's Folly because wow (and also there's another story developing)... Their writing is amazing, the way the characters are written... also their writing deeply motivates me to get better because I feel like I have much to learn in terms of articulation and just in a technical sense.

@sweatandwoe has written some amazing one-shots for requests and wrote this one here which desperately made me want to write a story with ascended Astarion and all the angst and slow-burn in the world.

@lokasxnna has written this wonderful piece about Astarion and his pointy ears (and the title is so amazing): To Hold Me Like Water And I just love the idea and the way a soft, intimate moment is shared.

@thatfreshi writes very emotional one-shots that explore vulnerable moments, that sometimes go as far as making my chest hurt: Not if You Collect Them Like Ex-Lovers (Enjoy the damn pain, y'all!) And that really made me want to include more moments in my stories where Astarion and Tav deeply connect on an emotional level

Alright, some more questions, this will be long, so rest goes under the cut:

14. What aspects of your creative process do you enjoy the most? Which are most challenging?

Most? Thinking about it, immersing myself in the world and the characters, down to the last little details. Coming up with stupid or very emotional stuff and funny (at least to me) dialogue. Most challenging is definitely finding the time to work on stuff - atm I could really just keep writing all day. Also... the English words won't English sometimes although it's gotten better already (I think??). But yeah, cliché, I know, but: English isn't my first language - so... I'm sorry.

15. What programs/tools do you use while writing?

I write in Word and use OneDrive so I can work on different devices (might move over to GoogleDocs soon to make that easier). Dict.cc is my best friend in terms of vocabulary, when I don't remember exactly if I've chosen the right word or just can't English for a hot moment... Also Spotify stays ON while writing. That's it I guess.

18. Are there any themes or tropes that you enjoy writing? Any themes or tropes you hate writing?

I can't say that I've written awfully much yet, so let's go with what I think I'd like or hate. I definitely like enemies-to-lovers and slowburn, a good grumpy meets sunshine trope, grumpy characters, sassy characters, gothic themes and environments, the gentleman villain trope... List could go on I think. Things I really don't enjoy is like major miscommunication and when characters just won'T FUCKING TALK ABOUT WTF IT IS THAT BOTHERS THEM, UUUGH (this is the worst really and makes a lot for lazy writing when trying to create drama, imho) But I can't really think of something else that I'd really hate (other than stuff that's ofc not legal or shit like that).

[blackbird-brewster]

Hi .. for the prompt writing

18 or 89 or 143 for Jemily

(you can choose , cause I can't)

Thanks for the prompts, I chose to do #89! Cross posted on AO3.

89: “YOU SENT ME PICTURES OF YOU NAKED WHILE I WAS IN A WORK MEETING!”

Sexy in Grey

Ship: JJ/Emily || Rated: M || WC: 1700

Emily rubbed her temples to stave off an impending headache. She was currently sitting in Deputy Director Bailey's office for the third time in a week and she was at her wit's end. Bailey was nothing but a hedge-fund manger in a cheap suit who's newest past-time was making Emily's life a living hell.

She knew accepting the role of Section Chief would require plenty of bureaucratic bullshit and ego-stroking, but she never expected her boss to be nearly twenty years younger than herself, with no experience in the field, and a permanent silver spoon stuck in his mouth.

Today's lecture was nothing new, Bailey was on one of his usual tirades about the BAU, not that Emily was fully paying attention. The two of them did this song and dance so often she could pretty much write the script from memory at this point.

Bailey would say, "You went against my orders, you're over budget, your agents are rouge and disrespectful to authority!"

Emily would bite her tongue and remind him of the BAU's excellent track record of getting results and being experts in what they did.

The two of them would trade heated words and Emily would ultimately let Bailey think he won, just so she could get the hell out of his office. Currently, she figured they were still above five minutes away from that inevitable ending.

Her phone chimed in her jacket pocket and she prayed for an emergency so she had an excuse to leave. She smiled when she saw JJ's name in the notification bar. Even when she was being belittled by Bailey, Emily found solace in the fact her girlfriend would always make things better afterwards. When she unlocked her phone and went to see JJ's text, her eyes went wide as she saw the unexpected sight of JJ's tits.

"Am I boring you, Prentiss?" Bailey scowled when Emily's attention stayed on her phone for a handful of seconds.

Emily quickly put it back in her pocket and tried to collect herself after the shock of seeing JJ's inappropriate nude . She put on the sickeningly sweet tone she often used to placate Bailey, "No, of course not. I just need to go take care of something. How about you and I pick up this argument same time tomorrow?"

"Prentiss, I swear to you --"

He didn't even get to finish his sentence before Emily was up and rushing out of his office. She made a beeline to the elevator, pressing the button impatiently, until the doors opened. Two floors down and one mad dash through the hallway, she arrived back to her office.

She called JJ, scolding her girlfriend as soon as the call connected. "I cannot believe you just sent me that photo while I'm at work! I was in a meeting with the Deputy Director, Jennifer!"

JJ chuckled under her breath, "Hello to you too, baby. I'd say I'm sorry, but we both know I wouldn't mean it."

"You're the worst," Emily replied affectionately. "At least it gave me a reason to leave."

"Where are you now?"

Emily relaxed into her desk chair, amazed by how little it took for JJ to calm her down. "My office. I've got so much to do today. I wish you were here."

"I should be back tomorrow," JJ said with an air of commiseration. Ever since Emily became Section Chief, she worked exclusively out of Quantico, while JJ, on the other hand, was still in the field all the time. They made it work the best they could, but it wasn't an ideal situation. JJ's schedule meant they'd go days at a time without seeing each other. "Ignoring my bad timing, what did you think of the photo?"

Emily pulled her phone away from her ear so she could look at the picture in question. JJ was laying on a bed, golden tresses splayed out in a blonde halo around her head, smirk on her lips. The photo cut off a little below her breasts, but Emily could hazard to guess the rest of JJ's body was just as naked.

"Beautiful, as always," she finally replied. "I'm going to make you pay for this when you get home, you know that, right?"

"Oh, I know," JJ sighed wistfully. "I'm counting on it. God, Em, I swear three days away from you is way too long. Never thought I could be so needy about sex, but here we are."

"I think it's endearing when you get like this," Emily replied. "Makes me still feel wanted."

"Em, baby, you know I always want you," JJ said. "Always have, always will."

Emily caught her reflection on her laptop screen and frowned at her grey hair. It had taken a lot of encouraging from JJ (with help from Garcia and Tara too) for Emily to feel comfortable enough to stop dying her hair and for the most part, she loved her new look, but there were still random moments of doubt. JJ was nearly ten years younger than Emily and while their age difference had never been an issue, the physical expression of Emily's age was far more obvious now.

"Baby, I can hear you thinking," JJ said. Even without seeing Emily, she knew when her girlfriend was getting in her head about something. "I love you, Em. And I'm desperately horny for you."

Emily chuckled at that. "Thanks, love. I appreciate the thought, even if I'm still not fully convinced you --"

"Emily," JJ interrupted in the same stern tone she used in the bedroom. "Stop talking," Emily immediately did as she was told and JJ continued, "Do you have anymore meetings today?"

When she didn't get a reply, she added, "You may answer."

Emily swallowed a moan as a wave of arousal coiled in the pit of her stomach. "I have one meeting later today, but that's not until 15:00."

"Good," JJ hummed. "You know what comes next, don't you, pretty girl? You know what happens when you talk down about yourself like this."

Emily's reply was almost a plea, "Jen -- "

"Yes, I do know you're at work," JJ answered instinctively. "Do you think I care about that? I want you to sit there quietly and listen to how wet I am for you, listen to how I fuck myself thinking about you. It goes without saying, you're not allowed to touch yourself. We wouldn't want Section Chief Prentiss to be caught with her hand in her pants, now would we?"

"No," Emily sighed. She pinned her phone between her cheek and her shoulder so her hands were free, but she didn't dare disobey JJ's instructions. She ghosted her fingertips over her thighs as she listened to JJ getting into position on her end.

It wasn't the first time Emily was made to listen while JJ masturbated. Truthfully, phone sex used to seem preposterous, something teenagers do, but when JJ was out of town so often, this had become part of their regular routine when they were missing each other. It wasn't always one sided, but even when it was, Emily loved it.

For the next ten minutes, Emily listened to JJ fingering herself, her moans between the dirty talk, she told Emily all the things she wanted to do when she got home, all the ways she was going to show Emily how hot she was, until finally, JJ came with Emily's name on her lips. It was an erotic experience, hearing her girlfriend fucking herself from three states over, while Emily sat in her office at Quantico. Even without physically touching herself, Emily knew her underwear were absolutely ruined from the exchange. One thing was for sure, the headache Bailey caused had been completely eliminated, now replaced with arousal and a renewed eagerness to get through the rest of her day so she could get home and take care of herself.

"Are you convinced now?" JJ asked rhetorically. "You're so fucking sexy, Em."

"Yeah, that was definitely a convincing performance," Emily smiled into her phone, even though JJ couldn't see her expression. "At this rate, you're going to be the death of me."

"Nope, you've already died once," JJ jest. "You don't get to do that again."

Emily's eye roll was basically audible in her voice, "A woman fakes her death one time and she can never live it down. What is the world coming to?"

"Shut up," JJ laughed. "I love you."

"I love you too, Jen. Can't wait to see you."

"I bet you can't," JJ said. "But until then, I just sent you a little something to keep you going."

Emily's phone chimed and she checked their text thread. JJ sent a photo of the aftermath of their call, nothing left to the imagination this time, and Emily's brain all but short circuited at the sight of JJ sucking her come covered fingers clean with the smuggest look on her face.

"Jesus, Jennifer! You have got to stop sending me nudes while I'm working."

"But it's so cute how flustered you get," JJ replied.

Another chime, another photo.

"Jennifer!"

"Love you," JJ said in a sing-song. "I'll Facetime you tonight and we can pick up from here."

A third chime, and a somehow more explicit photo.

"I'm hanging up now," Emily groaned. "I love you, even if you are absolutely incorrigible. Talk later when I get home."

She ended the call and was immediately met with yet another photo. She quickly sent her reply: [Why are you like this?]

[Because my girlfriend is so hot, I can't help but be horny all the time 😘.]

[Have a great afternoon, Section Chief Prentiss. 🫡]

Emily shook her head at JJ's deviousness while scrolling through the photos again. She wasn't sure what she'd ever done to deserve such such a loving, albeit sometimes frustrating, girlfriend, but Emily also couldn't imagine her life any other way.

[defaultjane]

Getting to know your Mutuals

I was tagged by @celemee, thank you for the tag! ^_^

What's the origin of your blog's title? I think "The musings of a narcissistic drama queen" is pretty self-explanatory. xD

Favorite Fandoms: Resident Evil, Horizon (Zero Dawn), Dragon Age, Mass Effect

OTP(s) + shipname: Helena Harper x Ingrid Hunnigan (Hunniper), Leon Kennedy x Claire Redfield (Cleon), Elisabet Sobeck x Tilda Van der Meer (I don't think they have a shipname), FemShep x Samantha Traynor (Shaynor)...and a ton more. xD

Favorite color: A really deep, dark, rich colors of red, blue, and purple.

Favorite game: Just the one? Resident Evil 2 (1998)

Song stuck in your head: A little thingy I made up to remember what I need to buy from the store. It goes like this: "Oranges, milk, soup veggies, eggs". And I just realized I forgot the soup vegetables. Dang it!

Weirdest habit/trait? I think a lot of my habits and traits are probably weird but no one witnesses it, so I don't know. Probably my strict routines because if I have none, everything falls apart.

Hobbies: Music, writing, gaming.

If you work, what's your profession? Officially, my title is "optimizing, revenue, and inventory manager", which is a fancy way of saying I'm one of the assholes partially responsible for the fact that there are ads on radio and podcasts in my country.

If you could have any job you wish what would it be? I would love to be a farmer. Alas, it's a thankless job I couldn't afford.

Something you're good at: Coming up with perfectly justifiable excuses for indulging bad habits.

Something you're bad at: So many things. Like, I am so stupid it would be funny if I weren't still smart enough to know just how stupid I am.

Something you excel at: Writing dialogue.

Something you love: Excluding the obvious, I love music. And cold weather, space, water, candles, my gadgets and appliances (oh you bet I've named my computer and my dishwasher).

Something you could talk about for hours without off the cuff: I don't know, I'm more of a listener than a talker. Resident Evil-lore, perhaps?

Something you hate: Bad men. We all know of at least one, most likely more than one.

Something you collect: Names that I think are cool. I write them down and maybe use them in stories.

Something you forget: That some people are just selfish and dishonest. I know it sounds naive but I'm often pulling a surprised Pikachu-face when I realize that I've been dealing with someone who was just rotten because I forget that not everyone has good intentions.

What's your love language? Love languages aren't real, they were invented by guys who used them to condemn women into servitude by convincing them that women’s love language is acts of service. Change my mind.

Favorite movie/show: Oh, my goodness, there are so many. But to name just a couple that I could watch (and have watched) over and over...Terminator 2, Misery, Fried green tomatoes, The Golden Girls, Archer, The Simpsons (early stuff), Law and Order SVU (also the early stuff).

Favorite food: I don't really have one. I guess if I had to say something, I'd say...Potato. Give it to me in any shape or form and I'll eat it.

Favorite animal: Give me any one of the felidae family.

Are you musical? Yes.

What were you like as a child? Horrible and stupid. Haven't gotten better since. xD

Favorite subject at school? Biology and science.

Least favorite subject? From grades 1-6, it was math. From 7-9, gym. I didn't get better at math, but gym got worse because it went from playing baseball and basketball and field hockey, etc. to girls having to do gymnastics and aerobics and stupid shit like that while boys got to keep on playing games.

What's your best character trait? Humor.

What's your worst character trait? Anger. I can get irrationally angry over the stupidest shit, like real first world problems-type of shit. Thankfully, I don't stay angry, but it's just dumb to get mad over things like Coca Cola introducing a shitty new flavor. Just put cocaine back in it or leave it alone.

If you could change any detail of your day right now what would it be? I would've remembered to buy the damn soup vegetables which were the reason I went to the store in the first place.

If you could travel in time who would you like to meet? Julia Child sounds like she would've been fun to hang out with.

Recommend one of your favorite fanfics. Just one??? there are so many great ones I've read over the years. Randomly pulling one out of the hat... to hear the nightingale (sing on, as if in pain) by ink_kettle. It has some of the best characterization I've ever read.

[phoenix-of-jade]

20-30!

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

"I think it was in a bar, but at this point it could've been anywhere I might've seen a cute guy/gal and we fancied one another. I'm a passionate guy, ya know? Being with me usually involves making out one way or another, unless we are strictly business partners or I don't give a fuck about you/ you don't attract me in the slightest."

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

"I don't know. Maybe go out for dinner? Maybe go out for a drink and a game of pool at my favorite bar? Maybe just spend the evenings in my study, with a glass of fine champagne and a good book? The options are endless. Any suggestions?"

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

Xuan ponders on the question for a little bit. "Yeah, why not? After all, having kids wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, so I guess I would adopt one or two unfortunate souls and give them a better life they wouldn't be able to have otherwise. I've been an adoptee myself, so I know the struggles of a child born unwanted into this cruel world that doesn't leave much options than fending for yourself."

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

"No, I do not have any piercings. I did, however, had some thoughts of getting some back in my teenage years, in what I call my 'rebellion phase'. I was contemplating getting a septum piercing and maybe an eyebrow one." Xuan smirks. "Why? Do you think I'd look sexy with one or more?"

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

"What weren't my best subjects?" Xuan snorts and proudly points at a display case behind him, featuring a generous collection of trophies and ribbons. "I'm a cocky bastard for a reason, you know? I've worked hard throughout my life to reach this level of flawlessness that I can pride myself with."

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

Xuan takes a brief pause, as if to collect himself. This particular question seems to have struck a sensitive chord of his heart. He looks into the distance for a moment, as if deep in thought. With a saddened expression, but subtle one at that, he answers. "Yes, I do miss someone from my past. I won't elaborate further."

26: What are you craving right now?

"Let's see... A glass of wine, a candle bath, a massage and a good round of passionate sex. I guess the usual for a Friday night, don't you think?" Xuan smirks.

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

"Yes, yes I did. In fact, I've had to break many hearts because unfortunately, while I never developed feelings, the people I mingled with on more than one occasion sometimes happened to catch feelings for me. I know, a real bother having to tell a fuckbuddy that no, you don't see them as more than just a good friend, but what can you do? I'm not the type to lead people on just cause 'I don't want to hurt their fragile little hearts and egos'."

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

Xuan shrugs his shoulders. "Never been in a serious relationship, so no. Since most of my 'relationships' were with no strings attached, aka mostly just casual fuck buddies, neither me or the other person involved deemed exclusivity over the other."

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

Xuan sighs, rolls his eyes and rubs his temple. "Yeah... No... Kind of? I mean, if you count a 'fuckbuddy' in this category, then yes. My childhood best friend, Cheng, and I became kinda close from more than one point of view, if you catch my drift, and I guess me being nicer and warmer to him, than to other people I fucked with, probably gave him the wrong message that I liked him more than just my friend. He actually caught feelings for me, really badly to say so, and he actually confessed his feelings to me... But while I enjoyed the sex, I still didn't love him in that way, if it makes sense? So I had to do what had to be done and broke his heart while also ending things with him intimate wise. It was hard since I do care about him, so seeing him cry sucked, but there was no other way. We're still friends, but yeah... That kinda put a dent between us in a way"

30: What’s irritating you right now?

"Aside from some shitty clients that think I am dumbass and try to scam me, nothing really. It's rather difficult to get me irritated to be honest, since I am mostly a calm man by nature. Nerves and anger rarely get you anywhere, so it's best to try keep your cool and think things with a calm mind no matter the circumstances."

[starlightsearches]

Mail's Here

Thought about this earlier and then I had to write it or I'd die. Let me know what you think 💖

Edward Nashton x Roommate! Reader

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, masturbation (m), language, sexual references, this is rushed because i have an assignment due at midnight but i couldn't work on it until this was done.

"You got a package."

Edward hears you as soon as he walks in the door, ditching his messenger bag and rain-spattered coat. It's not new information—he got the delivery confirmation while he was still at work, which made focusing pretty close to impossible—but his heart still jumps in his chest as you gesture to the box on the table.

"Oh, thanks."

He grabs the box immediately, glad to see the company was honest when they'd promised discreet packaging. It's a little lighter than he expected, and he weighs it in his hands, drumming his fingers against the top of it and trying to decide if it would be less suspicious to go immediately to his room or linger here a few moments longer.

"Whatcha get?" you ask casually, flipping through the pages of a magazine as you recline on the couch. Maybe guilt has put him on high alert, but the question feels almost too casual; Eddie has to wonder . . . do you know?

He's being ridiculous, but still.

"Computer parts," he answers, watching you closely for any signs of suspicion. There's nothing in your expression, though. You're not even looking at him, showing only the barest amount of interest.

"Cool."

It's not cool, and he knows that. The only thing less cool than computer parts would be the box's actual contents.

"Yeah," Edward says, wishing he was still wearing his jacket so he could have somewhere to put his free hand, "well, I'm gonna go, uh, put it together."

"Sounds good, Eddie," you tell him, "when you're done we can think about dinner, if you want. I've been craving that Thai takeout we got a few weeks ago."

"Yeah, okay."

Eddie reaches his room and twists the lock on the door, triple-checking to make sure that it's actually locked, and then giving it a few extra tugs for good measure. You never came into his room without knocking anyways, but today's not a day to take risks.

Scissors in hand, he sits on the edge of his mattress, trying to shake the nerves before he slices a clean line through the tape.

Eddie never thought it would come to this, but the situation is dire. Being your roommate has ruined him in some of the best ways, and more of the worst.

He'd always been satisfied enough with a little lotion and a collection of tissues, tugging at his cock whenever the urge struck him. He'd been satisfied picturing whatever porn star he'd latched onto recently, thinking about the way they'd look with their knees buried in his carpet, or how their breasts would bounce in his hands while they impaled themselves on his cock.

He'd been satisfied, until you fucking ruined everything.

With your fucking low-cut sports bras and your morning yoga routines in the living room, your laundry basket full of lacy panties peeking out from under a pair of jeans. With your kind smiles and thoughtful questions and the hot press of your body when you curled up against him on the couch.

Fuck, he couldn't jerk off enough anymore—developing fucking callouses on his palm every time he snuck off to the bathroom during movie nights and morning coffee, practically sobbing into his palm if the bathroom smelled like your shampoo.

This was his last hope. The only way to stop himself from going fucking crazy.

The inside of the package is a little underwhelming—just the two items he bought and some bubble wrap to keep them from rattling too much in the box. He grabs the bottle of lube first, since that's the least foreign of the two, popping the top and rubbing a few drops between his thumb and forefinger.

Eddie slicks up his first two fingers, his breathing growing harder, cock stirring in his jeans.

He'd heard you once, late at night when you thought he'd be asleep. Walking back from the kitchen after grabbing a glass of water and passing by your door, Eddie had been stopped in his tracks by a sound on the other side, knees weak. Even as his stomach churned with guilt, he'd pressed his ear up against it, and had his suspicions confirmed—only there long enough to hear the wet friction of your fingers in your cunt, and another stifled moan.

Imagining it's your slick coating his fingers has him painfully hard, all his embarrassment swallowed by need. He slides the fleshlight from its box, dropping it beside him on the bed before kicking his pants down his legs and forcing the band of his boxers under his ass.

His cock flops against his stomach, dribbling a little on the bottom of his button-up, and he's already so sensitive, gritting his teeth just at the rough feeling of the fabric.

Eddie grabs the toy again, bringing it close to his face, skin hot as he studies the silicone model of a pussy. He's learned the basics from porn—knows that the clitoris is at the top and the folds around the opening are the lips—but there's a difference between seeing it and feeling it, even in plastic form.

He presses his thumb against the little nub at the top, rubbing slow circles around it, like he'd seen done before. What kind of noises would he hear if it was yours?

Eddie's thighs constrict, and he forces himself to take a few deep breaths until the feeling subsides. He's going to cum before he even gets inside the little plastic cunt, if he's not careful.

Eddie grabs the lube from his bedside table, smearing some over the entrance of his new toy—coating it until it shines—and then adding a few drops to his hand and stroking it over his cock for good measure.

He feels silly, lining up the swollen head of his dick with the little plastic entrance, feels silly enough that he can't look as he presses the toy down until it swallows the tip.

"Fuck."

He whispers the word through clenched teeth, and there's not much else to say, except that it feels so much better than his hand. Squeezing him from every angle, and there's blood in his mouth from the way his teeth dig against his chapped lips, hips bucking off the sheets.

With a little more lube, Eddie's able to fit the toy over the entirety of his length, lightheaded when he sees the opening stretched around the base of his cock, a little lube dripping from its surface, displaced by this first thrust.

"So, god, so tight," he speaks his thoughts out loud even though there's no one to hear it, no one to be praised for how good he feels. He can't stop himself, moving his hand with a few shallow strokes, eyes rolling back at the feeling. "Just- just like that."

Like this?

Eddie hears the words in your voice and he groans, slapping his free hand down over his mouth to quiet the noise.

Eddie, he imagines your fingers at his wrist, pulling his hand away as your hips bob up and down over his cock, don't do that, honey. I want to hear you.

"Mhhmh—" it's all he can manage, forcing his fist against the sheets, hot tears pooling against his lashes. Just the thought of you here with him has him fucking crying, body on the edge of collapse.

Good boy.

Eddie is your good boy, pumping vigorously now at his cock, letting the lewd, wet noises rush over him as sweat drips down his flushed temples. He's caught enough accidental glimpses of himself in the bathroom mirror to know his whole face is bright red, cheeks and forehead shining.

But he thinks you might like that, would want to see your good boy coming apart beneath you, your pretty fingers circling his neck as you rode him to oblivion.

"M'gonna cum," he mumbles, unable to stop his release once it's started. The website had a whole bunch of tips for increasing your stamina—stroking patterns and ways to stop an orgasm—but those are long gone, his whole body a tightly clenched fist.

Go ahead baby, since you've been so good for me.

He swears he feels your lips against his just as the shock of it hits him, spurts of cum leaking from the open cunt as he fucks himself through the electricity of it, your name in his lungs and his mouth and the curl of his toes until the feeling subsides.

Jesus. Even if he never used it again the toy would be well worth the money he'd spent.

He's still sensitive as he slides the toy from his spent cock, a few dribbles of cum landing against the sheets. Eddie grimaces. He'd have to put a towel down the next time.

"Hey, Eddie?"

Shit. There's no time to strip his sheets now, not when he hears your fingers rapping against his door frame.

"Just a second," he calls, throwing his covers over the leaking toy and running to his closet, "I'm changing."

He leaps into a pair of gray sweats, ripping the buttons of his shirt open with clumsy fingers before throwing the cum-stained garment into his hamper, pushing it deep into the basket.

He unlocks the door with shaking fingers, and you slide in as soon as there's a gap available.

"So," you glance at him before looking around the room, "did you get it put together?"

"What?"

A crease appears between your eyebrows. "Your computer?"

"Oh, yeah." He glances at his clearly untouched computer desk, a sinking feeling in his stomach.

"Were you watching something? I thought I heard voices."

You're being too generous with him; he knows that by something you really mean porn, which means you know he was getting off only a few moments ago.

"No, I was just—"

Talking to myself. That's what he was going to say, but those words are long gone when he watches you grip his comforter in one tight fist, throwing back the sheets.

He watches you take it all in: the fleshlight, the bottle of lube, his cum staining his sheets.

God, there can't be anything worse than this. Eddie would rather be killed on the spot than hear what you say next.

Which is why he's so surprised when he feels your hand against his cheek.

"Oh, honey," you coo at him, and he has to open his eyes to make sure you're really there this time, "there's no need to be embarrassed."

"What?"

God, you are there, looking up at him with glossy eyes and a patronizing little grin. He feels your fingers in his sweaty hair, teasing at his scalp.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't help but listen, and you were making such pretty sounds for me—they were for me, right?'

Eddie just nods. Of course you've known this whole time. He lets you guide his hand to your waist, a sliver of warm skin meeting his fingers, feeling far away from his own body.

Your lips are at his neck, tongue just pressing against his skin and Eddie can't breathe.

"Do you think you can make a few more?"

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[belong2human-kind]

I just LOVE how all these times, being a Sabine and Ezra shipper, I would imagine this fluff stuff of Sabine wearing his clothes daily because... have you ever borrowed a male clothing before??? Like any??? THEY ARE SO COMFORTABLE

And ofc, to give it some sniffs too because THE SCENT OF THE PERSON YOU stole it BORROWED FROM IS THERE, and you will genuinely feel so close to them. And this isn't strictly related to lovers, no, it can be anyone who you have a strong bond and relationship. I've had my best friends (male, female, nb, all my closest ones) clothes and when I'd miss them too much, I'd give their clothes hugs and sniffs, but I won't lie that this surely happens waaaay more and more frequently with my boyfriend.

And yes, I made THOUSANDS of unfinished fics (promise I'll post them here or on Ao3 someday) where Sabine will walk around with his shirts, pants, jackets and everything she can while he is still around to tease her bc of it and ESPECIALLY since he went missing, where she is just using to feel more close to him now that he is gone and guess what???

Tell me this isn't one of his long sleeve shirts! It's TOTALLY HIS! I mean, why wouldn't it be??? She is living in HIS OLD HOME, his refuge and shelter during all the worst times of his life, his safe place to meditate and be alone with his self, with the memory of their parents who used to fight against the empire using the communication tower, the area he keeps his helmet collection, sleeps in, keep valuable things from his past, a place so meaningful to him and SHE IS LIVING THERE LIKE HE LEFT IT FOR HERE TO DECLARE HER OWN, GUYS SHE MADE IT HER OWN HOME!

She lives in his home, has his saber, painting a huge wall in memory of him so she could STROKE GENTLY HIS CHEEKS (yeah don't say that during the epilog was the first time she ever done that, I won't buy it) and also spent 10 years taking care of everything he loved and gave his life to protect, his planet and people, like SHE WAS ONE OF THEM! Like they almost meant to her as much as it meant for him. Also, should I keep going and say that her pass time is to turn on the holocron to re-watch his message with the white loth-cat she just adopted??? The one creature that was the most connected to this man????

She for sure is wearing his clothes. She seems to be wanting to be a part of him, just like when she painted a Loth-Cat, the white Loth-Cat on the core of her phoenix symbol. It's like what @jessicas-pi said about the mandalorian's marriage vows, like she want her and him to be one, together or apart, one.

And I am so happy because I've been imagining this happening in my headcanons since the end of the series, listening to the song Hoodie, and now this song and this gift, man, they give me life. I need to see them reunite as much as I need food to survive.

And if they won't turn out as a romantic couple like a lot of people want, I'll be sad but conformed with platonic because in my head they will always be canon, they will always be the best f*cking duo and partners I ever seem. Their connection is stronger than a kiss in screen, and although I'd live and love to see that, they don't need it. They never needed to be so linked with each other, to be so in sync. They do love each other in a way that maybe we can't even label or describe, and that's for sure.

They may never be romantic, but they surely are one, together or apart, they are one! 💙🧡💜🤍

[goldbridgereview]

Goldfield Trading Post 1/22/23

First off, I'll say that I like all of the band members of Citizen Snips individually. But from my vantage point, they have a seemingly talented jazz keys player stuck providing mostly just simple bass lines on the low end, a good heavy hitting rock drummer stuck slamming indie beats, a rhythm guitarist stuck with repetitive electric guitar riffs, and a decent indie lead guitarist/vocalist trying to keep it cohesively indie-sounding. There were definitely times where things seemed to almost come to one collective sound, but mostly they seemed like each member would be better off trying again with another band. As always, I'd love to eat my words and see them have success in the future; there's quite a lot of potential talent here.

As Anita Velveeta's set went along, I found myself asking more and more questions. If she's trying to rap or at least speak poetry over synth, why is there so much modulation on her voice? Why are the genres changing so much, from hardcore synth hip hop to soulful indie rock to screamo to melancholic country to midwest emo? But about halfway through her set, Anita had a moment of real vulnerability with the crowd, admitting to still learning to love her unmodified voice. And y'know, using a voice modulator to combat dysphoria is hardly the worst reason an artist has ever had to use the technology, though I believe her natural voice works great already, even with the frequent genre switches. I may have more questions than answers about Anita Velveeta, but I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. It's possible that she sticks to one or two genres, fully embraces her voice, and flourishes in a more traditional musical path. It is also equally possible that at my ripe old age of 24, this type of act is the future and I'm going to be left behind, but I don't mind smiling and waving as pioneering artists blaze a new trail, successful or not.

Early Eyes is one of the more traditional "rock" groups I've seen in a while, though I'd say they have more energy and more bite than most straight up rock bands. Their smooth jazz influences are subtle but apparent, and the vocals often harken back to the 2000s post-grunge, pre-emo, pop-punk era, in a mixture that works better than upon first glance. Going back to their energy, their love for and dedication to the music is just apparent through the sheer determination and joy on their faces. And in regards to instrumentation, the guitar, bass, and drums are able to sound either chunky and bold, but also ethereal and beautiful, able to sync up and change at will. While they also had a sampling pad and vocal mods, they utilized them more effectively than the average indie band, utilizing them more as a tool than a full instrument, more a spice than a meal. I don't know how much more I can say about this group; they put on a good show, maybe the best I've seen to a group of 50 people. They made all 50 bob and dance for basically all of their set, even in a tiny, backwoods venue like Goldfield Trading Post. And for that, they have my gratitude for a great night out.

[elenajohansenreads]

Books I Read in 2023

#10 - Beyond This Dark House, by Guy Gavriel Kay

Rating: 4/5 stars

I've always struggled to write reviews of poetry collections, much the same way I do about short story volumes. Inevitably, I like some poems/stories and don't like others, and sometimes the difference between quality and likeability from best to worst (or favorite to least favorite) is so vast that rating the work as a whole seems meaningless.

When I was a teenager, my mother was going through some of her old notebooks and found one where she had copied out her favorite poems from a wide variety of poets, back in college. Before that I knew my mom was a voracious reader (I got that from her) but I hadn't known she had ever been interested in poetry, so that's when I got into it, too. I read it, I wrote it (usually poorly), I bought a blank book from a bookstore and copied out my own favorites, and ended up taking a few college courses on it despite my science-based major.

I tell this story to say, I'm not sure if I still had that book that any of these poems would get copied. (I don't have it, and I think it was full anyway.) But I did enjoy many of them, and as a collection divided into parts with clear thematic links, this might be the most successful grouping of poetry I've had the pleasure of reading.

Some of the themes didn't speak to me: there's a vibrant sense of place, as many of the poems noted the location where they were written, and while I have traveled a fair bit in my life, it's not a strong drive I have. (I generally travel to visit people, and incidentally get to a be a tourist where they live.) There's also a great deal about broken passion and what sound like long-distance relationships, which might lead me to assume some things about Kay's life that I haven't made and wouldn't make any attempt to verify; the tone of many poems is clearly autobiographical and I'll leave it at that, but little of it reflects anything in my life.

But what I did find here was something I'd been missing from modern free-verse poetry: a sense of the poet caring how the words sounded together, rather than just spilling feelings onto a page without meter or form to contain them. I didn't read any of these out loud, but I spoke them in my head, because that's how I've always read poetry, and they generally sounded good, while still having the clarity and sincerity of the feelings-spilling poets. A handful of poems were less clear, more deliberately obscure in their meanings, and those tended to be the ones I liked less, but even those didn't feel like I'd peeked into some angsty teen's diary (like my own, before anyone thinks I'm throwing stones, I wrote very bad poetry in those years.)

What I also found was inspiration. In the last week, I've roughed out two poems about aspects of myself in a similar style to Kay's, which are the first two poems I've written in probably fifteen years. I thought about my poetry professor from college and wondered if she'd be pleased or horrified to find out I've written romance novels in the years since her classes. I dredged up memories I hadn't visited in quite some time to see how I feel about them as an adult looking back. I thought a lot about what an autobiography in poetry form would say about me, and how that might differ from the person I want to be going forward. And I still want to write more poetry about that, though as I continue I hope to develop my own style again, possibly even ditching free-verse for structured forms as I revise. I did use to love the challenge of fitting meaning into those forms with careful word choice, it was like a puzzle I created for myself, and I love puzzles.

I can't give this work five stars because I don't love it the way that rating implies, but any poetry that served me as both entertainment and an invitation to reflect on myself is good poetry.