#this is cas centric but destiel heavy ??

[quietwingsinthesky]

I’m kind of new in the Supernatural fandom and I genuinely do not understand the hate so many people seem to have towards Sam. Like, when I first started watching, I thought Sam and Dean fans would be pretty evenly distributed. Are the majority of the viewers Destiel fans that hate anyone that isn’t part of their favorite imaginary couple, or is something else going on? Is Sam just unlikable to that many people?

Well. Okay. We can’t discount that Destiel is a major factor in this. You know, for one thing, a lot (and I mean a lot) of destiel content will just cut Sam out, which to be fair is not uncommon for ship content as a whole but when you’ve got such a juggernaut as destiel, it definitely affects fandom perception as a whole. That’s not even getting into how people who haven’t watched the show will then get into destiel and not supernatural, meaning the only Sam things they get are scraps from within a largely dean-and-Cas-centric narrative.

There was, probably still is, a sizable amount of people who would happily say they skipped the first three seasons to get to Cas, which is!! The first three seasons are a lot of Sam! (And of building Sam and Dean’s relationship, central to the show!) Starting in s4 launches you straight into the demon blood arc with no context of what Sam was like before or how desperate and grief-riddled he would have to be to get to this point, meaning all people see is Sam Acting Bad. And first impressions are hard to fix.

To be fair, it’s not only on destiel and it’s wider effects on how the fandom perceives… anything. (And that doesn’t just effect perception of Sam, either! It leads to distorted views of other characters, im thinking John and Benny rn, they get the worst of it.) The show itself also fails Sam. A lot. He is consistently underwritten, his agency is undermined and then that’s never addressed, and his interests are never really shown as cool and quirky like Dean’s. Dean gets episodes around his love of cowboys, Sam gets his love of true crime mentioned now and then, you see what I mean.

People will say insane shit about Sam. Like, “Sam is boring” is the least egregious take I’ve ever seen. From “Sam going to Stanford was selfish and bad” to “How Dean treats Sam is okay and normal because Sam doesn’t leave him”. It’s just. It’s very weird.

Full-disclosure, I consider myself a fan of both brothers, but I’ve got heavy Sam bias in my own ships and what I tend to reblog. So take that as you will.

(P.S. anyone else with thoughts or a different view on the fandom trends, feel free to chime in.)

[azrael08]

Another NSFW (kinda) Destiel Headcanon - this ones more story centric but still:

Cas doesn’t really get horny as he’s stated to Dean before - much to dean’s disappointment - but assured Dean that he still very much likes and enjoys sex with him.

This all changes one day.

Dean has to go undercover at some highly religious/Angel-worshipping cult town and is forced to wear traditional biblical clothing that includes a gold belt, white cloth that only covers the back and front, gold bracelets around his wrists, ankles, and neck, a gold headpiece and enochian writing displayed across his naked chest. And the enochian is a prayer to the angel Castiel, becasuse Sam’s sneaky like that.

He complains to Sam about how hippy he looks for awhile but then, just before they leave Cas comes out saying he’s ready to go and stops once he sees Dean.

His eyes go wide, he’s silent, and they’ve never seen him so still.

Concerned Dean asks “what’s wrong Cas? Cas?” Dean steps closer and cups the angels face, Cas still hasn’t reacted, it’s like his eyes are solely focused on Dean’s pupils. Really worried now, Dean leans in a little more and whispers “….Castiel?” The next thing they know every light in the bunker explodes violently.

For the entire hunt Cas is very smiley and noticeably more lovey-dovey and touchy towards Dean than usual. It’s like he’s been put under a love spell or something Dean thinks. They have a total of 5 heavy make out sessions throughout the case, and once they get back to the bunker they go 7 rounds.

Now Dean isn’t complaining, he just doesn’t know what brought all this on? because he’s oblivious. Although, he’s more than accepting to the extra praise, touchiness, and romance Cas has been giving him, maybe this new cologne really does work? He thinks to himself at one point.

In the end Sam keeps the outfit as a favour for Dean. Cas loves the outfit and is going to make Dean wear it as often as possible.

(If anyone writes a fic about this pls credit and link it to me👍)

[ao3feed-destiel-02]

Just Gold

Just Gold https://ift.tt/uXjwghW by S_Rose_GP The Winchester Gospels told of the brothers having angelic lovers in a way that would never cause nephilims… she always thought that meant they’d change something, not have male vessel lovers. Aka TFW goes on a hunt that obviously goes south; guess it takes a near death experience to get together. Words: 8668, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Fandoms: Supernatural (TV 2005) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: M/M Characters: Gabriel (Supernatural), Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, Castiel (Supernatural), Original Angel Character(s), (she’s not important though), Jack Kline, Mammon (demon) Relationships: Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester Additional Tags: gabriel centric, Kinda, sibling dynamics, Angelic Siblings, The Winchester Gospels (Supernatural), Heaven & Hell, Canon Compliant, Cats, rated for language, Biblical References, Kinda?, Wings, Attempt at Humor, Slow Burn, ish, Slow build up more, Bcuz I’m slow, Short stories are not my specialty, Gabriel Being Gabriel (Supernatural), Dean and Cas are so soft, We swear to fuck here, bcuz Gabriel takes the opportunity to make a joke every time someone mentions God, Bad format, we’re making up grammar as we go, dean and cas are so in love, Happy Ending, Pet Names, Dialogue Heavy, Implied Sexual Content, No Smut, cuz I can’t write that to save my life, Canon-Typical Violence, writer can’t tag, writer can’t write, Fluff, Hunters & Hunting, Gay, First Kiss, Getting Together, Background Destiel via AO3 works tagged 'Castiel/Dean Winchester' https://ift.tt/f3m95HB June 30, 2023 at 06:45PM

[liopleurodean]

The Road So Far: Season Four

Well that was a ride.

Friendly reminder to check my tag #ashla chick flick moments to see my live commentary on every episode of Supernatural up through season 4 (so far), as well as the other 3 season recaps.

With that out of the way, let's talk about season 4.

Can I start with the poetry? If you gave me enough time, I could write a whole essay about the symmetry in this season. I mean, start with the obvious -- the titles of 4x01 Lazarus Rising and 4x22 Lucifer Rising (and don't get me started on comparing Dean to Lazarus, one of Jesus' closest friends. If you haven't read that story, please do. It adds so much). And I mean, all of the episode titles are on point this season. At least one Zeppelin song, a Peanuts reference, a Sesame Street reference (which I mentioned in my post about the episode, 4x18 The Monster at the End of This Book).

This season really highlighted how Sam and Dean have evolved in just four short years. Obviously there were extenuating circumstances to make them that way, but I feel like both characters were really stripped to their cores to see what makes them tick, and it's so fascinating to watch them react to what's happening around them. Dean is finally coming to see that his life actually has meaning, while Sam is falling apart from the life he never wanted. It's plain to see that neither of them wants to keep hunting, but season 4 has also provided plenty of evidence that hunting is undeniably in their blood.

It's also interesting to see how Azazel's plan fits into the greater storyline. I think I mentioned back in season 2 that his whole plot didn't make much sense on its own, and it's gratifying to see everything fall into place.

Once again, it feels like the writers are forcing Sam to be the main character, even though this season definitely has more Dean-centric episodes and Dean gets a lot more development and limelight. It's almost funny to think about.

Before I forget, I suppose I should pick my favorite episode. I do have to say, while this was my favorite season as a whole, none of the episodes really stand out to me as amazing. 4x06 Yellow Fever is a fan favorite, and I'm no exception, 4x17 It's A Terrible Life was incredibly light-hearted, which was much needed after On The Head of a Pin. 4x13 After School Special gets an honorable mention, but it's not on the same level as the other two. My all-time favorite episode remains to be 1x12 Faith, which surprises even me because I'm generally not a fan of overly emotional and heavy media. I tend to prefer more lighthearted stories, but Faith really hits. I've already said that 4 is my favorite season, even if the individual episodes were a bit lacking. I think I preferred the overarching plotline of this season over others; it had much higher stakes and I was much more invested in what was happening. I really felt more emotional about certain plot beats and the characters felt a lot more real. I sped through this season pretty quickly, at least in terms of how many watch-days it took (as opposed to total elapsed time since the last season). It helps that I was on a road trip, so I got a lot of time in the car, but I think I would have finished quickly anyways because the story was so riveting.

This season we got to meet Cas! I have to admit, he wasn't exactly what I was expecting. Then again, neither were Sam and Dean. I feel like I simultaneously know so much and so little about Cas compared to the two brothers, but that'll change as I get deeper into the show.

While I'm not a Destiel shipper (I know. But Dean is Ben's dad and I will fight you) I can definitely see where they're coming from. I'll probably keep making comments on it as I see it, because it really is an interesting take that could add to the show. As it is, it's exciting to see Cas evolve into a member of Team Free Will (and I'm honestly a little surprised that it's happening so quickly). Even though most angels are pieces of crap, it's still fun to see a new player on the field.

Speaking of, let's talk about Chuck. I've already had a lot of the show spoiled for me being on Tumblr, so a lot of the plot twists won't be as twisty to me. One of said plot twists is the fact that Chuck is God. Now, obviously I already know this, but what I don't know is why he's acting the way he is. Is he lying? Was his memory actually wiped? If so, by whom? Lots of fun questions, and I can't wait to see them answered.

And with that, I think it's time I wrap this up. I'll start season 5 hopefully sometime this week. Carry On!

[thenightwemetnatural]

castiel // vienna - billy joel // watch on youtube

[lesbian-dean-winchester]

thinking about teenage dean winchester getting really into the beatles. like he goes to a record shop one day and buys "let it be" on vinyl and when he gets home and starts listening to it, sam is really confused cause this isn't the hard rock or the metal that he's used to coming from his brother.

and dean will tell sam that he's "just getting into the classics" or that some kid at school introduced him to it. but really he's just nostalgic, and he's clinging on to the few memories of his mother he has, trying desperately to know more about her (because we al know their dad wouldn't have told them shit).

and fucking christ can't you just see them? in some dingy little motel in god-knows-where? sitting by the record player that uncle bobby gave dean a long time ago, listening to the beatles. sam with his face buried in some book or another. dean sharpening his pocket knife, because he's been trained to be a soldier now, despite what his mother would've wanted. but he can't help but let his mind wander to the lyrics.

and he goes through every emotion in that one afternoon. because "two of us" is surely written about him and sammy. and "dig it" holds this inexplicable familiarity somehow.

and oh god, a sixteen year old dean winchester hearing "let it be." hearing paul mccartney recall the tale of one long gone mother mary telling him that it's alright. there will be an answer. it's okay. and he cries because he feels, now more than ever, that his mom is there. speaking to him. almost directly to his soul. and he's felt alone so long that he doesn't even know why he's crying, but the tears come anyway and he feels so found.

[mansplainmanipulatemalewife]

Anyone else tired of only ever finding destiel recs?

Here's a rec list made for all the great fics that get buried because they're not destiel. It's collaborative, so if you read anything particularly good feel free to send it my way; I'm not taking rpf, w* fics or destiel-centric fics but anything else is welcome.

Chromacity by @crossroads-consoul

Relationships: Sam Winchester/Gabriel, background Dean Winchester/Castiel

Tone: Plot-heavy, slow burn

Genre: Urban fantasy, crime thriller

Warnings: References to domestic abuse, drug use, organised crime, graphic descriptions of murder 

173, 315 words       🟨

Law student and closet psychic Sam Winchester gets sucked into a world of mystery and peril when he begins spending time with the nomadic P.I. who frequents his workplace.

The writing is great once the author has found their feet, but where this fic really excels is the worldbuilding. The pacing is phenomenal too, with the shorter serial killer storylines balancing out the very slow burn and gradual reveals about the world across the series.

Submitted by @mansplainmanipulatemalewife

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Kidnapping, Car Thefts and Other Hazards of Dating by CrowleyLovesUSUK

Relationships: Sam Winchester/Gabriel, background Dean Winchester/Castiel

Tone: Comedic, high stakes

Genre: Human AU, crime thriller

Warnings: Kidnapping, arson, organised crime implied/referenced child abuse, implied/referenced torture, references to SA

79, 659 Words 🟥

When faking your own kidnapping, it's generally considered wise to avoid actually getting kidnapped in the process.

The characterisations of Cas and Gabriel especially are delightful in this one, managing to fit the tone and style of the AU without losing their authenticity, and the author does a fantastic job with keeping tension high while keeping everything lighthearted and witty.

Submitted by @mansplainmanipulatemalewife

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Straight from the Heart (Marry Me) by @demonicsoulmates

Relationships: Dean Winchester/Gabriel

Tone: Fluff

Genre: Slice of life

Warnings: none <3

1216 words 🟨

A lazy Saturday.

This one's only short, but it manages that fluffy tone without feeling childish or saccharine, and does it without becoming ooc.

Submitted by @mansplainmanipulatemalewife

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Some Things Never Change by Zana_Zira

Relationships: Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester

Tone: Whump + comfort

Genre: Cannon complient, slice of life

Warnings: vomiting

4775 words 🟢

Sam falls ill for the first time since returning from Stanford, and it's bad.

The tone is spot-on for early spn, especially when it comes to the dialogue.

Submitted by @the-slythering-raven

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Sweetshop Shenanigans by Aria_Lerendeair

Relationships: Sam Winchester/Gabriel

Tone: pre-smut

Genre: Human AU, meet-cute

Warnings: None

1051 Words 🟨

Sam gets his hot chocolate after a long day of college courtesy of an extremely flirtatious barrista.

Part of a longer and *spicier* series - strong characterisations and they have great chemistry.

Submitted by @emotionalsupportknife

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All About Ramen by LiberAmens414

Relationships: Sam Winchester/Gabriel

Tone: Whump + comfort

Genre: Human AU

Warnings: Food insecurity, hunger, mental health issues

2484 Words 🟨

Sam weighs up whether or not it's worth fighting a stranger for the last pack of Ramen.

From a technical standpoint it's a very well-written fic, but what really stands out is the sense of compassion woven through it.

Submitted by @the-slythering-raven

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Bad Faith by sheepishlion

Relationships: none

Tone: serious

Genre: case fic

Warnings: heavy discussion of bodily autonomy, guilt, character death, allusions to disordered eating and self harm

5851 words 🟢

Sam and Jimmy talk angelic posession

This whole fic is so hard-hitting you would not believe truly some unforgettable lines

Submitted by @mansplainmanipulatemalewife

[myaimistrue]

del myaimistrue’s underrated destiel fic recs part 2!

as with part 1, these are all fics i’m a big fan of that aren’t as popular or well known. they all have less than 10k hits on ao3 OR were published pre-2015 OR both. hope you like them!!! leave a comment for the author if you did :)

list under the cut, organized by word count!

in earth, and sky, and sea by charcoalcas

1.6k. on easter morning, cas tells dean he had a crush on jesus. very funny and very sweet and very domestic. featuring some jesus/dean comparisons!

Meant to Be Near Me by Sass_Master

1.9k proposal/marriage fic. sweet and wildly in-character. this is a fic i read sometimes when i’m bummed out because it always makes me smile. 

absolvere by microcomets

2k that takes place after the attack dog spell and dean’s refusal to be healed in 11x03. so tender and so wonderfully written. yes perhaps i did tear up at the image of cas washing dean’s feet. don’t worry you will too.

walking on a string by swordfishtrombones

2.7k set during season 6. cas goes to see dean to help with a hunt in the midst of the civil war. they’re in a kinda sorta relationship and it’s soooooooo interesting. i’ve decided the author is a certified cas-understander because this is his pov and i think they totally nail it. beautifully written and absolutely worth the read.

Scenes with a Shark (Or: Hello, Blåhaj) by aeli_kindara

3.3k established relationship fic. dean and cas have an stuffed shark and visit ikea! super cute and offers up an alternate look at the way cas might handle the empty deal. if you can’t tell i love an established relationship fic, and this is a great one.

Ain’t Ever Gonna Part by ellispark

MIXTAPE FIC!!! 4k retrospective looking at previous people dean’s loved with sprinkling of moments from season 12 and 13. great dean character study with such a perfect final scene.

Things that were, things that are by dreamline

6.8k. very dean-centric. sam finds out that dean engaged in sex work when they were both children, which brings up a lot of old trauma for them both. it’s a super heavy topic and the author handles it with respect and no exploitation or glorification. the dean and sam conversation is amazing and the scene with dean and cas at the end is so tender. dean studies fic for sure.

Deprived of Every Planet by KelpietheThundergod

9k words. a case fic that features extremely touch-starved dean and cas being very gentle with him. such an intimate look at their relationship, all cozy and a little sad and very very sweet. 

all my goodness is gone with you now [15x09 coda] by emmbrancsxx0

fics that make you a shell of your former self. like i’m going to be honest i had to go sit outside in the sunshine after reading this because it absolutely DEVASTATED me. it’s 9.9k of the universe we see in 15x09 the trap in which cas has the mark of cain. featuring incredible character work and dialogue that was so painfully in-character. you will probably cry but it will definitely be worth it.

The Art of Giving by cenotaphy

i truly love a fic in which dean is a bit of an asshole because he has no idea how to be in a relationship--this 9.9k story definitely fits within that category. you’re going to be frustrated with him, but you’re also going to love all of the interactions with him and cas because they are super well-written and in-character. and don’t worry, it has a very sweet ending!

Good Hands by aileenrose

13.2k. first of all, i highly recommend everything by this author--they write my favorite aus EVER. this specifically is one of my favorites. cas owns a b&b and dean is a drifter/handyman who stops in and ends up staying to help make repairs. the atmosphere is so good, and the story is trope-y in the best way.

We Both Kinda Liked It by elizajane

one of my new all-time faves. 13.5k that dives into rhonda hurley and dean’s thing for panties with a lot of cas being lovely and supportive. there’s a lot of ideas out there about who rhonda was and how dean knew her and the version of her in this fic is now my personal headcanon. if you love dean being loved, then you will adore this fic.

Death Rattles by emmbrancsxx0

i normally don’t read horror fic much but this one is soooo good and honestly frightening. 30.1k established relationship deancas with a side of casefic--especially recommended for my cas fans. you’re going to think you know what’s going on like six times and each time you’ll be wrong. and that ending...hoo boy!

Light in the Dark by nurfherder

110k. this is SUCH a story. i read it kind of slowly over a couple weeks so i don’t know how it feels if you binge it, but i really enjoyed it! it’s an au in which dean inherits the family apple orchard after john dies and cas is a businessman who buys it from him. they work together to make a profit and turn the place around but it is…. SO MUCH more than that. it gets pretty heavy so heed the tags but god it’s a great read. the emotion is so realistic and so well done. highly recommended if you’re looking for something longer.

[queen-rowenas]

2020-2021 masterlist

a list of my supernatural fics and drabbles, as a treat

→ general (where i write stuff) — tag

like a christmas movie - a christmas movie marathon, a kiss in the snow, holiday fluff, established relationship

stealing hearts - destiel au, thieves, this was supposed to be a short fic but i got carried away and now i’m obsessed, tempted to make a series out of this

date night 101 - dean and Cas’s first date night, dorky boyfriend fluff, established relationship

beehaw (cowboys and bees) - cas has the sexiest costume at the party, according to dean, dorky boyfriend fluff, established relationship

this is a high honor - every moment with dean is an honor for castiel, angst with a happy ending

witness to a fall - castiel watches another angel fall for dean winchester, hurt/comfort, established relationship

your words, your quiet touch - the protective runes on dean’s ribs, established relationship

these late nights - quiet motel room nights together, fluff, established relationship

my favorite everything - cas’s favorite color revealed, tell us your favorite color and we’ll tell you what taylor swift era you are, established relationship

the merits of yellow paint - painting the sunroom, handprint fluff, established relationship

is love a tender thing - romeo and juliet discourse, cas-centric, established relationship

that’s my husband. castiel’s version - husband fluff, established relationship

husband, mine - five times someone calls cas dean’s husband and one time it’s actually true, proposal, establish relationship

end of the beginning - cas becoming human, fluff, establish relationship

under your quiet spell - cas-centric, watching dean sleep, established relationship

let me heal all your aches - hurt/comfort, cas healing dean, established relationship

when the party’s over - happy birthday dean winchester, dean accidentally gets icing on cas’s face, established relationship, inspired by this post

make a wish - happy birthday dean winchester, birthday curse fic, love confession, first kiss

eldritch monster in love - sometimes dean forgets cas is a powerful celestial being, established relationship

that’s my husband. dean’s version - husband fluff, established relationship

the guest room - jody being a protective mom, tfw + wayward sisters fam, established relationship (but jody doesn’t know)

sparks fly - cas bursting light bulbs, first kiss, flustered!cas

the white noise, the song - dean being a cute bf who still can’t believe cas loves him, established relationship, inspired by this post

pick a side - protective!cas, dean thought they had established sides of the bed, established relationship

shelter - emotional hurt/comfort, heavy on the comfort, established relationship

→ drabbles (where i shoot my thoughts into the void) — tag

*** not up to date, check tag ***

no normal meet cutes

dean teaching an angel about road rage

early seasons destiel

destiel trophy husband discourse

the progression of dean’s prayers

finding someone who loves them for who they are

dean says he’s gonna shave his head, cas says no

taylorswiftnatural and thee trench coat

destiel thirst traps discourse

dean teaching jack how to paint his nails

peak sibling behavior

eldritch monster lets human take care of him

dean not knowing how to talk to other angels

honey!cas protecting dean

elevator make out session, dr. sexy style

castiel thee angel v. miracle thee dog

dean questioning his sexuality via the olympics

cas’s hot girl summer via olivia rodrigo

cas in sock garters

dorky little guy v. super strong dude

mr. lizzo

reverse blanket thief

the one thing i want

jeopardy nights

pajamas don’t know her

the cas and garth team up we deserved

djinn royalty v. one (1) dude with a g.e.d.

cas’s car sticker family

dean’s real guilty pleasure show

heaven’s new work culture

→ destiel december 2020 (merry chrysler)

day 1: fireplace - cuddles, dean wearing all the layers, established relationship

day 2: decorating - first kiss, decorating the bunker fluff

day 3: presents - dean’s novelty socks, mixtape fluff, established relationship

day 4: sledding - flustered!dean, tfw family time, established relationship

day 5: shopping - dean being a chaotic but sweet bf, established relationship

day 6: angel - true form fluff, established relationship

day 7: peppermint - flustered!dean, established relationship

day 8: blizzard - cuddles, dean using cas’s trenchcoat, established relationship

day 9: family - dean in the kitchen, breakfast at the bunker, found family fluff, established relationship

day 10: mistletoe - pranks, secret relationship (but is it tho), sam ships it (but he’s also very done), established relationship

— writing tag list (ask to be added or removed)

@10x02 @adammlligan @alex-is-a-boy-b-tch @bixlasagna @blue-eyed-cutiepatootie @castiel-for-lunch @castiel-is-a-cat @castielsbeeslippers @ccstiel @cottagecore-cas @deanwinchesteradjacent @destieldisaster @destielfactory @donvex @dstiel @ensignabby @expectingtofly @feraladoration @fireghost-x @galaxies-of-the-heart @galaxycastiel @garthed @himitsubana @ialwaysordericedcoffee @im-sam-fucking-winchester @lalisfandoms @lateral-org @littlewolf2703 @llamasdumpsterfire @martymar1963 @marvells @mrswatermelon @nightandwine @okamigamer1 @organicpurplepants @prime-catra @ragingdeansexual @rainbowscas @starsdahb @starrynightdeancas @takemetotheworld @tearsofgrace @top13zepptraxx @van-dynex @winchester-novak @wormstacheangel @writtenmemxries @zeffiroh

[dotthings]

The gaslighting needs to stop. Systemic power imbalanced in the tv industry are real. Network interference is real. Erasure and unkindness towards marginalized characters is real. 

I’m more on the canon analysis end of things personally, but I assure you the fans trying to figure out WTF happened here and account for stuff that objectively, even the people more skeptical acknowledge is weird and points back towards network interference, try to debunk their own theories. They are telling you that, they are transparent about their information, if you don’t feel like playing detailed murder wall, then don’t, but to deny there is a very very real power imbalance behind the scenes that hurt marginalized characters and fans, and hurt the story, is toxic. Stop it. 

Things like the Spanish dub and people who have worked on the show coming out of the woodwork to support Destiel should be a clue. Latin America believes it’s a mutually requited love story, canon confirmed from both sides, because that is what aired on a big tv network there. And watch out for that US-centric thinking that somehow thinks this doesn’t count. (Also plot twist: the US is the restrictive market. Wake up).

My wheelhouse is more canon analysis so I’m going to say now that the gaslighting about canon, about aired canon, about confirmed canon, about implied canon, seems to me a whole lot of toxic detached-from-reality hand waving so hard to still, STILL!!--try to deny the validity of Destiel. I’m glad some of y’all think this is merely hilarious, and after not showing up and not being supportive and not sticking your neck out at all to protect Destiel shippers from bullying, you came back just to eat the popcorn because it amuses you and I’m supposed to think that’s pro-Destiel supportive or something, or it’s people who have no horse in the race who just want fandom entertainment so everything’s a joke while they reinforce the exact attitudes that let this kind of systemic oppression perpetuate and get away with erasing marginalized voices in the tv industry, in fandom, in stories. Nice work, people. Your holier-than-thou attitude is real convincing. 

Then there’s the people trying to convince everyone it’s convincing to play false equivalency cha-cha and as if people only see this as canon due to a) 1 slash joke b) they stared at each other that one time c) drapes. Because old school fans are so proud that in their day, nobody wanted their queer ships to be canon and Destiel is just like *insert whatever slash ship of the past that had about 1/10th of the loud textual material and canon development Destiel has*. You want to try to argue against the epic nature of the text on Dean and Cas, hey give it your all, but it’s not going to hold up. If I started listing off the immensity, things that are textual plot points, it would be a 3,000 word essay. Stop playing false equivalency. Stop trying to artificially yank this back into the past because you can’t handle the textual validity of Destiel.

Deal with the fact that this is not an easily classifiable situation.

Even if in the end the same old systemic crap stifled its full due, and that’s the part that is tiresome, Dean and Cas deserve better than have their actual canon content demeaned.

After the story we have seen. After 12 seasons of deep-dive development. After Cas was finally openly confirmed as queer, and in love with Dean, in the final season, 2 episodes from the end, and Misha echoed it, and from Dean’s side, because full confirmation on Dean’s side is being held down, Jensen protected a romantic reading, protected people’s right to see Dean as in love with Cas not having a chance to speak his heart. Protected the right to that reading within the ambiguity that he knows is as far as the canon was able to take it. After the ship became canon confirmed as at least unrequited love story. Whether Jensen ships it or not, he has been very loudly and openly protective of fan readings and has been very openly excited about 15.18 and the handprint, he knows this is a great story and he’s been openly excited about how excited and joyful fans were about that episode. 

But what we have seen on our screens, what the story told us, transcends the muzzles placed on it. What we have seen is a mutually requited love story. We already saw in action how Dean loves Cas. We are left with, in the end, the silencing of Dean Winchester. Gosh I wonder why the silencing of Dean Winchester. Why was it necessary. Why was he not even permitted to speak at all, to anyone, to confide about how he even felt about Cas’s love confession. Why did Jensen have to do the heavy lifting to meta it for us. Why did Cas have to be left fully out of the series finale on a show he was so key on for 12 seasons, as a 3rd lead. Why is that? Because the only thing the creative team would ever be allowed to do by corporate is friendzone it and they didn’t want to friendzone it. 

So we are cursed with ambiguity from Dean’s side. And if the series finale had done better by Dean’s story, including his death, and by Cas’s story (instead of shoving him out of sight), if it hadn’t erased Eileen and Saileen, if it hadn’t failed Sam’s story, if it hadn’t been a regressive, awkward mess, most shippers would have accepted ambiguity if Dean and Cas has been given at least the respect of a reunion, if Dean had at least been given the chance to partially speak even if it couldn’t be removed from ambiguity. But the system was too scared of it. It had to be held down and muffled hard.

It was yanked out of the story artificially in ways that don’t match Destiel’s narrative importance before the series finale and don’t match 12 seasons of storytelling. It’s artificial. It is a silencing. And it shows. 

That sudden silence was a scream.

"The writers” were for it. “The writers” wanted to tell that story even if network interference prevented it. Some of us were gaslighted and smeared and bashed just for pointing it out, and we turned out to be right.

DESTIEL IS CANON. And the parts where fans still have to rely on interpretation for have ample, AMPLE, story evidence and external evidence--that has nothing to do with deeper dive murder walls, it has to do with support shown, and confirmed information--all point to a mutually reciprocated love story.

How many more times do shippers have to be proven right before people stop this. I was bullied for several seasons just for saying Destiel was a purposefully crafted a valid textual reading, by my own lane. For asserting it was a love story designed to dodge under network radar. I was bullied for years before that by antis, who didn’t like seeing people love this ship too much, who didn’t like that I refused to get down on my knees and label myself as delusional just for seeing it, for refusing to bow down and say “it’s only about 2 brothers so I am wrong to say Destiel matters too.” 

The unkindness in this fandom over all this continues to be overwhelming. Get your shit together.  You worship your favorite actors and then they show you up every time by being kinder and more open and understanding than fans manage to be. Jensen and Misha are showing you how to roll and people are ignoring it in favor of continuing to try to silence and demean Destiel shippers.

For Destiel shippers, don’t let all this gaslighting and shaming nonsense and the systemic corporate nonsense that wants Destiel silenced knock you off from your reading of canon. It was valid. It was real. Thanks to the magic of bleedback effect, now it was always textual, the subtextual has been transformed retroactively, and it’s from both Dean and Cas’s end. If you still feel doubt on Dean’s side, because we didn’t get the same loud explicit confirmation, go back to the text itself. If you believed it already for Cas, if Cas’s confession to Dean only validated what you already knew, why can’t you see it for Dean, because it’s already there. 

[batattta]

destiel fic recs nobody asked for

I’ve read a lot of fanfiction since november and I needed to express it somehow. so. here goes a HUGE rec list. 

no order at all, huh. canonverse, if not said otherwise. bold for my favorites.

part 2 | part 3 | part 4

part 1/?

first and second date (9k and 13k, t/e) very healthy s15 deancas relationship, dean goes to therapy (as he should), must-read

he bids good-bye to distance (3k, e) purgatory smut, you know the drill 

understanding your body in ten easy steps (13k, e) i love this dean so much, a little bit insecure and so vulnerable and caring! such a sweet fic!

the mirror (25k, m) this one actually made me sob; dean travels though alternate realities and meets...a lot of other deans and castiels

where the weeds take root (30k, e) this one is in my top-5, i guess. please, just GO READ. they live in the country, built a chicken coop, smoke weed and figure out their relationship. all of my favorite headcanons in one fic. and with gorgeous illustrations!! 

a turn of the earth (95k, m) heartbreaking, but with a happy ending. timetravel, cas meets pre-series dean. 

an idiot's guide to a successful love confession in two words or less (4k, e) okay. dean confesses to cas using thee mixtape. what more should i say? 

crazy diamonds (25k, e) dean from 2008 swaps places with dean from 2018. so cute, so sweet, but SO SAD. but good sad. not hopeless sad. don’t wanna spoil anything, but i was sitting in silence after finishing this one, like, for half an hour. 

a room of one’s one (95k, e) a classic one. ALL THE KINKS!! just a little bit of angst, but mostly very sweet. wing!kink 

the first five times (43k, e, mcd) oh. this one. endverse. very dark and depressing. but you know, they love each other. so much. and it describes my favorite concert about endverse. i cried like a baby. yeah. this kind of sad. 

you can keep holding on (352k, e) i love this one so, so much. i adore this cas and this dean. they are precious. there is one thing that author preferred not to include in tags (and i get why), but at the time it was. um. hard. still was worth it tho. but be careful. pretty heavy themes in this one. but such a HAPPY ENDING! ah. 

dean (and cas') top 13 zepp traxx (82k, e) post-canon, road trip, led zeppelin, love love love

tall grass (58k, e) cas grows a garden!!!!!! found family on maximum! sex scene like WOAH. hot. last few paragraphs are such a beautiful prose. i keep coming back and rereading them. 

build a home (20k, t) another post-canon found family fic. yeah. i have a soft spot for them.

that’s me in the corner (9k, e) “heaven can't wait” fic. i love all this fanfiction gap stories. this on is so *chefs kiss*. 

welcome to pine shores! (21k, e) and another post-canon story! can’t stop won't stop. they are old and own a motel. and still are dancing around each other. huh. they’re such idiots *fondly*

every story has to start somewhere (27k, e) i must confess. i have a soft spot for dean in denial trope. and this one is all about dean trying not to be gay. spoiler: he fails. lol. 

sunshine (8k, g) usually straight dean is ooc for me, you know. but this one is a good exception. it’s just so sweet and tender and all about their profound bond. yep. 

enough (1k, t) as grey ace person myself, ace cas is so very important for me. 

the mantra (3k, g) PLEASE READ IT. post 12.12. i reread it regularly. so tender. oh my god. i have no words. just. go read.

scratchmarks (12k, e) one of this smut fics, where smut is not about smut at all. this is 2009!dean/cas/2014!dean. sad, but so beautiful.

may i? (12k, e) post s15 purgatory fic. how it should have been. 

profoundly bonded (by law) (20k, e) firstly: sobsicles is currently one of my favorite destiel authors. so. cas asks dean to marry him. dean have no reason to decline. such a sweet domestic fic. dean is so dumb (we all know that).

the sum of my regrets (20k, m) dean goes to the past and meets cas’ female vessel. nothing happens between them back there, if you're worried. but dean does come to the realization.

the girlfriend experience (15k, e). another classic one. no words needed.

twenty dollars (15k, e) cas-centric, post gas-n-sip. he tries to survive and has no other choice but to turn tricks. poor baby. i wanted to hug him so bad while reading this. 

until the lost become the found (35k, e) such a unique story! i’ve never knew that i needed it so much until this fic. dean. cas. and endverse!cas. yep. you got it right. the ending!! the sex scene (omg)!! perfect characterization of endverse!cas. and you know, he deserves a lot of love. all the love. it may be not everyone’s cup of tea, but please, give this fic a chance. 

[ambiguousdisorderken]

in your expert opinion what are some of the most destiel-heavy episodes of spn? i stopped watching around season 7 and have no interest in engaging w the plot of the show at all but i’m in the mood for some gay yearning ykwim

Hi anon! Thank you for reaching out to me about this, I’m, no-joke, very flattered. I’d seen a couple posts on this same question, very thorough and detailed lists on Destiel-centric episodes, but at the moment I cannot find any of them, that would’ve answered your request much faster. So, in advance, sorry, my reply is probably coming in extremely late, but I did write this from scratch, so yeah.

Even though storylines in SPN can be very shitty and hollow, I do feel that to get the full Destiel experience -that long-drawn yearning- one would have to watch the entirety of the show, even if Cas isn’t in the episode or if there’s no explicit mention of their relationship/bond because it gives you a better understanding of them as characters and of how their relationship affects the narrative.

Now, you mentioned you stopped around S7, which is completely understandable and justified given the Dick plot game was very weak and, in my opinion, annoying (so little Cas!). I’m going to start listing from S7 in case you want to refresh your SPN before jumping straight into unseen episodes. Also, since you mentioned no interest in the plot and are specifically craving those sweet crumbs of gay yearning, I’ll skip most one-sided / too subtle episodes and cut to the chase.

Lastly, I hate spoiling things, but you’ve probably seen it all on Tumblr. I tried to keep the episodes’ descriptions short, as it might come in useful. Stuck to key words, quotes and/or little comments.

 Season 7

7x01 – Meet the New Boss: Godstiel, sincere apology. Cas: “I'm gonna find some way to redeem myself to you.”

7x02 – Hello, Cruel World: Mourning. Trench coat melancholy. The heart-wrenching eulogy: “Dumb son of a bitch.”

7x17 – The Born-Again Identity: Emmanuel!Cas, reunion, longing, hurt.

7x21 – Reading is Fundamental: Honey!Cas, hug, hurt, reunion, that painful SORRY (board game) scene.

7x23 – Survival of the Fittest: Honey!Cas, forgiveness, adorable, wified Cas. Dean hits us with: “Nobody cares that you're broken, Cas!" but also “I'd rather have you, cursed or not.”

Season 8 (this season is so good and Destiel is the driving motor of it, I swear. If you can, watch it complete.)

8x01 – We Need to Talk About Kevin: Dean in Purgatory looking for the angel.  Cas is referred to as “your [Dean’s] angel.”

8x02 – What’s Up, Tiger Mommy?: HUG!!!, Purgatory reunion, face touch, very romantic. Monster: “ You'll find your angel there.” //  Dean: “Let me bottom-line it for you. I'm not leaving here without you.”

8x05 – Blood Brother: Cas vs. Benny cat fight lol. Dean: “Cas... we're gonna shove your ass back through the eye of that needle if it kills all three of us.”

8x07 – A Little Slice of Kevin: Cas comes back from Purgatory, but before that Dean starts seeing him in places. Very tragic; hallucinating your dead significant other trope. Has That boner scene. Dean: “I did everything I could to get you out! EVERYTHING!” Cas helps Dean see what truly happened in Purgatory and not his self-altered memories. PACKED!

8x08 – Hunteri Heroici: Hilarious, romantic, intimate. Dean and Cas have an heart to heart. They actually communicate. Cas “I’ll watch over you.”

8x10 Torn and Frayed: They work a case together, and when I say heart eyes…

8x17 – Goodbye Stranger: THIS. EPISODE. Dean “I need you.”

8x19 – Taxi Driver: Separation. Naomi to Dean: "You're hoping Castiel will return to you. I admire your loyalty; I only wish he felt the same way."

8x22 – Clip Show: Lack of trust, hurt, tense interactions. Romantic too (basically, Cas gets Dean an apology basket).

8x23 – Sacrifice: Meaningful conversation and a gay couple hit by Cupid parallel. Dean “So this is it? E.T goes home?"

 Season 9

9x01 – I think I’m Gonna Like it Here: Dean prays to Cas IN.A.CHAPEL. Worry, longing, separation. Dean “Please, man, I need you here.”

9x03 – I’m No Angel: Human!Cas and jealous!Dean.

9x06 – Heaven Can’t Wait: Human!Cas TEXT-BOOK LONGING. GAY AS FUCK. Gazing, touching, they even TALK (for real).

9x09 – Holy Terror: Adorable Cas, flirty vibes, happyish, funny. Cas: “Cas is back in town!”

9x10 – Road Trip: Cas comforts Dean, Cas and Crowley bitching at each other, overall protective!Cas.

9x18 – Metafiction. Cas finds out about the Mark of Cain.

9x21 – King of the Damned: Hug, strong boyfriends vibes.

9x22 – Stairway to Heaven: Cas gives up an entire army, for Dean. Metatron about Cas “He's in love………………………. with humanity.”

9x23  – Do You Believe in Miracles?: At this point, it’s canon stated that Cas will do anything and lose everything if that means saving Dean. Metatron to Cas “You draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human, right?”

 Season 10

10x01 – Black: Demon!Dean and sick/brokenhearted Cas in a slutty robe missing his man.

10x03 – Soul Survivor: ICONIC. Angel on Demon action! Cas turns down Hannah because he’s too gay and in love. Intimate Deancas talk.

10x05 – Fan Fiction: No Cas, but Destiel references. 

10x09 – The Things We Left Behind: That.Lunch.Date. Deancas introduction to co-parenting.

10x14 – The Executioner’s Song: We get Daddy Murder aka Cain. This is a Pivotal episode to understand Dean’s character development. Plus, it has Deancas interactions.

10x16 – Paint It Black: No Cas, but Dean opens up in confessionary; repressed BISEXUAL AS FUCK.

10x18 – Book of the Damned: Charlie meets Cas. Gay energies everywhere. Cute domestic little scene.

10x20 – Angel Heart: PARENTING! Essential to understand Cas from this point forward.

10x22 – The Prisoner: Just… just watch it. One of THEE Destiel episodes.

10x23 – Brother’s Keeper: No Deancas interactions but it’s the finale, and I recommend watching it because next season takes off literally right from here. No time jumps.

 Season 11

11x02 – Form and Void: Could skip to the very end which is when Cas comes back.

11x03 – The Bad Seed: Cursed!Cas. Dean takes care of him, even wraps him in a blanket. He also cradles his face. Extreme Hurt/Comfort. Jacting joices rejoice.

11x10 – The Devil in the Details: Could skip but has Casifer in it. Interesting to see his dynamic with Dean.

11x18 – Hell’s Angel: Casifer. Dean "It? It's not an it, Sam, it's Cas!"

11x23 – Alpha and Omega: Huggg! Cas willing to go on a guaranteed suicide mission with Dean. Very tender and sad.

 Season 12

12x02 – Keep Calm and Carry On: ANOTHER HUG! Dean presents his boyfriend to his mom<3 Soft and romantic.

12x09 – First Blood: Reunion hug<3, Cas pining… as in he counts his every minute without Dean.

12x10 – Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets: Direct parallel with canon couple. Crystal-clear mutual affection. One of the best. Angel Ishim to Cas about Dean “I'm gonna help you. I'm gonna cure you of your human weakness same way I cured my own… by cutting it out.”

12x12 – Stuck in the Middle with You: A dying Cas confesses his love. “I love you. I love all of you.”

12x19 – The Future: We find out Dean gave Cas a MIXTAPE!!! Very romantic and full of yearning, also worry and what could be seen as a betrayal (ish…).

12x23 – All Along the Watch Tower: Hands down, one of the most distressing Destiel episodes. Cas dies.

 Season 13

13x01 – Lost and Found: This is the worst because you have Dean trying to assimilate Cas’ death. Core of Dean’s widow’s arc. Jack introduction, that’s their new kid.

13x02 – The Rising Son: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?).

13x03 – Patience: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?). Dean to Sam “He manipulated him, he made him promises, said, ‘paradise on earth’ and Cas bought it and you know what that got him? It got him dead! Now you might be able to forget about that, but I can’t!”

13x04 – The Big Empty: Continuation of widow’s arc and Cas wakes up in the Empty. The Empty to Cas: "I know who you love. There's nothing for you back there." // Dean to Sam “I need you to keep the faith, for both of us. ‘Cause right now, I… Right now, I don’t believe in a damn thing.”

13x05 – Advanced Thanatology: Suicidal and hopeless Dean gets his win. Cas comes back. Gives me the chills.

13x06 – Tombstone: COWBOY BOYFRIENDS!

13x14 – Good Intentions: Happy and fun Destiel scene. So Very Married.

13x23 – Let The Good Times Roll: Season finale, Dean talks about retiring (plans include Cas of course) and just very nice to see them interact.

Season 14

14x03 – The Scar: Reunion.

14x08 – Byzantium: Deanand Cas dealing with their child’s death, then bringing him back by Cas making a deal with the Empty. IMPORTANT EPISODE.

14x09 – The Spear: Cas uses the royal We – married behavior.

14x10 – Nihilism: Dean is stuck in his own mind, and Cas and Sam try to bring him back. Cas “Please, you have to -- you have to try to remember, because the people in your life -- in your real life, out there -- we need you to come back.”

14x12 – Prophet and Loss: Dean gets his very own Dr. Sexy, aka Dr. Cas.

14x14 – Ouroboros: Basically another date (their kid tags along) and They TALK. Very intimate and established marriage vibes.

14x18 – Absence: Shits starts to go south. [ Dean: “Who cares what Jack said? We don't know what happened! But I swear, if he did something to her, if she is -- (points to Castiel) Then you're dead to me. (Castiel looks crushed after Dean says that).]

14x20 – Moriah: Tense and very upsetting. Relationship very damaged.

 Season 15 (I would advise watching the entire season because it relies heavily on Destiel. They’re the heart and the emotional motor leading the plot onwards.)

15x01 – Back and To The Future: Deancas’ in the aftermath of their kid’s death. Tension gets worse.

15x02 – Raising Hell: Tension rises, this is very intense. Cas “Dean. You asked, "What about all of this is real?" We are.”

15x03 – The Rupture: Breaking point ends in divorce.

15x06 – Golden Time: Painful phone call which speaks volumes about the current state of their relationship at the time. Also, good to see where they’re standing and how they’re coping.

15x08 – Our Father Who Aren’t in Heaven: Strained relationship so obvious they’re offered couples’ therapy.

15x09 – The Trap: MASTERPIECE. Back to Purgatory. Can (and is) taken as Dean’s love confession (because it is). 

15x12 – Galaxy Brain: So married. Little domestic date, you can see LOVE written in their faces.

15x13 – Destiny’s Child: AU!Dean and Sam. Not a yearning episode per se, but AU!Dean? SO GAY.

15x17 – Unity: God reveals that the only act of free will in any universe he ever created has been Cas choosing Dean.

15x18 – Despair: Cas confesses his love to Dean.

[estrel]

hey this is gonna sound weird but I got back into spn VERY RECENTLY and I want to draw something for Nov 5th (used to do spn fanart way back in the day) but I haven't seen a bunch of the eps from the last few seasons (post S11). I don't have time to rewatch them all before the 5th, do you have a list of eps I should prioritize? Also I'm open to concepts/ideas for the art, I'm good at realism mostly. thank u sooooo much for ur help but also I blame u and the hellers in general for pulling me back in so the art is gonna be dedicated to u guys

hey, that's awesome!! i'm very glad you're back!! here's some episodes you might want to cram in before nov. 5th, from s12 onward! bolded are, in my opinion, essential in terms of understanding either the plot or the fandom (’C’ for ‘cule as in desticule) but of course i’ll advise that you read the plot summaries for any eps you can’t watch, including those that aren’t listed!!

s12e1 — keep calm and carry on : first ep of the season, i assume this would be easiest to start with so you can recall s11, and also just so you can get the gist of where the season will be headed. [PLOT]

s12e8 — LOTUS : introduces you to kelly kline. it's not my favorite and it's a bucklemming ep but plot-wise it might be important to know who kelly is, though tbh you can just read the synopsis and you should be fine. [PLOT]

s12e10 — lily sunder has some regrets : just a genuinely great episode! lots of cas background info and dean/cas moments [C]

s12e12 — stuck in the middle with you : davy perez ep!! cas says i love you!! sorta plot-heavy i GUESS? but if you want destiel angst then this is for you. it's mostly about the angst. [C]

s12e19 — the future : really important in terms of jack [PLOT]

s12e23 — all along the watchtower : season finale in which Very Significant things happen. s13 picks up right from where this leaves off. beginning of the widower arc. [PLOT, C]

s13e1 — lost and found : again, first ep of s13, lots of destiel angst (beautiful beautiful angst. the jacting joices....superb) [PLOT, C]

s13e4 — the big empty : cas!!! answers the question of what happened to him. [PLOT]

gonna go ahead and mention here that in order to watch s13e6 you should probably watch, like. the last ten minutes of s13e5, because again, ep 6 picks up right where ep 5 leaves off.

s13e6 — tombstone : destiel must-watch and end of the widower arc. also significant in terms of jack's development [PLOT, C]

s13e10 — wayward sisters : read the synopsis of ep 9 beforehand though if you want to get a background on kaia. [PLOT, C]

s13e16 — scoobynatural : 'nuff said. [C]

s13e19 — funeralia : not necessary but there’s a good amt. of rowena and cas in this ep so <3 [C]

s13e23 — let the good times roll : season finale, lots of stuff happens plot-wise [PLOT]

s14e1— stranger in a strange land : “i thought you two were joined at the—you know. everything.” really a slow ep tbh, but read the synopsis [C]

s14e3 — the scar : dean is back! there is a scene bt dean/cas in which the score makes me lose my goddamn mind. [PLOT, C]

s14e4 — mint condition : not essential, but a favorite. you’ll especially want to watch it if you’re a dean girl (gn) [C]

s14e7 — unhuman nature : again not necessary, but good jack development/jack scenes with his family [C]

s14e8 — byzantium : VERY important plot wise, re: cas and jack. [PLOT, C]

s14e10 — nihilism : so good. so very very good. also, pamela barnes. [PLOT, C]

do not watch s14e13 lebanon. i repeat, disregard lebanon.

s14e14 — ouroboros : again, one of my faves. gay motw, and v cute scene between dean and cas (: also, rowena!!! [C]

s14e17 — game night : the plot in this ep bleeds through onto the divorce arc of season 15. the ending is...ambiguous, but you can either watch 14x18 or find out what happens in the summary of that ep [PLOT]

s14e20 — moriah : again, a season finale. eps 18-20 really hinge on the events of 14x17, so all you really need to know is that they’re all v upset about [redacted redacted], which happens in ep 17. [PLOT]

s15e3 — the rupture : what i consider to be part one of three re: the divorce arc. also we’ve got a good smattering of characters and it’s important for plot reasons [PLOT, C]

s15e6 — golden time : part 2 of 3 in divorce arc. definite angst, lots of cas, and lots of eileen ((: [PLOT, C]

s15e9 — the trap : now, ofc this is part 3 of 3 in the divorce arc, and while it may be a great dean/cas ep, i must say it’s also one of my favorite sam episodes. sorry, but you really can’t skip this one!! [PLOT, C]

s15e10 — the heroes' journey : one of my favorite episodes, but it's garth-centric and you can really read all you need to know via episode summary but still. the implications of this ep haunt me. why lamp. [C]

s15e17 — unity : lots of god-stuff happening, and it leads into 15x18 [PLOT, C]

s15e18 — despair : the last episode of spn!! [PLOT, C]

so, added up, that’s 4 essential eps in season 12, 4 essential eps in season 13, 4 essential eps in season 14, and 5 essential eps in season 15. grand total of 17 eps across all four seasons! (which is less than one full season of the show)

quick run down in case you need a TL;DR: 

season 12: episodes 1, 10, 19 and 23

season 13: episodes 1, 6, 10, and 23

season 14: episodes 3, 8, 10, and 17

season 15: episodes 3, 6, 9, 17, and 18

now, if you need to narrow it down even further, i’d prioritize the eps that are labeled “[PLOT, C]” (12 eps) as those are important plot-wise and also for references w/i the fandom. good luck, i hope this helped!!

[mattzerella-sticks]

Heart in My Hand (15x18 “Despair” coda, Dean-centric, Destiel. post-that scene)

(ao3 link)

He was right there.

Cas was telling Dean everything he ever wanted to hear since meeting the angel of the Lord... only each and every word of his confession stabbed at Dean's heart. Because once he finished, there's no more time for them. For him. For any chance of happiness - all that taken away by the Empty. And now he has to carry on.

He tries. Stands, gets in his car and drives where Sam tells him. When he meets with the others, though...

           Dean spots them easily, only two people left on the planet besides himself. Standing in the middle of the street, waiting. He rolls to a stop near some crashed truck and an abandoned bag of groceries that spills out the top. Egg yolks oozing into a small puddle, mixing with freely leaking juice burning bright against dark asphalt. Visible even from where he sits inside his car.

           With Sam and Jack advancing, Dean crams the rest of his emotions down. Puts on a brave face. What he sees in his rearview isn’t anything like that. Trembling lips. Red, blotchy skin. Wide eyes that look more haunted than an average, Midwestern home. It’s better than how he appeared earlier. And since they’re already here, he must move on. Steeling himself, he exits his car.

           “Dean,” Jack starts, glancing from him to his empty car, “Where’s Cas?”

           Dean fails, again. “Cas…” He croaks, words blocked by the boulder that wedged into his throat once that black portal of despair vanished. Water traces familiar pathways down his cheeks, Dean steadying himself on his open door. Hisses panicked breaths through clenched teeth. “Cas, he…”

           “Oh.” Sam stumbles backwards, news dealing its own damage. Jack stares at Dean, jaw hanging limply. Gaze wet from threatening tears. “Was it…” his brother coughs, regaining his footing, “was it Billie?”

           He shakes his head, still not ready to speak. Voice abandoning him like… well.

           “Chuck?” Jack asks, inching closer. “Did Chuck make him crumble, too?”

           Dean nearly forgot. Chuck… if only. His anger would have a target, instead of hanging around him as if it were a fog. Miasma thick he cannot see past a never-ending reel of those few, long minutes. Cas’s parting message replaying ad nauseum. “No,” he manages, staring at Baby’s roof. “No, he – he sacrificed… to take out… to save…” Gasping, Dean lolls his head upwards. Staring up at an empty sky, sending what’s left of his sentence into the heavens.

           Someone approaches, lays a hand on his elbow. There because it hovered over Dean’s shoulder and chose a different path. Dean felt how close it came to fitting over his angel’s mark. Heard a sharp intake of breath after they noticed it, confirming Dean’s suspicion. “Dean,” Sam says – of course it’d be him. He recognizes his little brother’s voice. Especially when he forces confidence through his tone. It lacks, however, as an undercurrent of worry threaded through it. “Dean,” he continues, “what happened?”

           First, he searches for Jack. The younger boy leans across from Dean, waiting. Curious. Heartbroken. “He,” Dean whispers, knees buckling under him, “Billie was out for blood and – and we couldn’t stop her on our own. So Cas, he…” Sam’s grip tightens on his elbow, adds another supportive touch to Dean’s armpit. Keeps him standing. Dean thanks Sam by letting his hands stay. “We were dead to rights. So Cas… let himself be happy.”

           Jack’s muttered curse resolves a lingering question, whether he knew. Doubly confirmed since Jack draws further attention to himself, slamming his fist on Baby’s roof. Dean doesn’t raise his usual objections. “The Empty,” he says.

           “The Empty?” Sam glances between Jack and Dean, “What would… why would the Empty be there? When Cas is happy – what are you talking about?”

           “A deal Sammy,” Dean says. Louder, rougher. Shattering the eerie silence of this deserted city scape. “He made a deal with that damned thing, his life for… for…”

           “For mine.” Jack tilts his head, brows drawn in such a mirror of his father Dean nearly collapses where he stood. He remains strong. “When I was in Heaven, after I… I died, the first time.” Sighing, he stretches towards them. Extending an empty palm in a gesture of regret. “I’m… I’m so sorry –“

           “No.” Dean slides his own hand, taking Jack’s. Squeezes it. Grounding himself further. “I don’t… it’s not your fault. Cas made the deal. He – he’s made his choice. It’s… if he had the chance to go back, he’d still do it. Again and again. That’s who he is.” Dean hiccups, face cracking as his mouth stretches wide, gracing the others with a rueful smile. “Putting everyone’s needs before himself even if it… even if it meant he could never…” He shudders, Cas’s peaceful expression when the Empty struck frozen in his mind. “Too good, Cas was – he was too good –“

           “Dean, Dean!” Sam tore Dean away from Jack and Baby, carrying him off to sit on the sidewalk’s curb. Bent him, head between knees, helping him work past growing hysterics. Jack followed them, hovering. Shadow blocking the sun from shining above, casting him in darkness. Thinking this makes Dean spiral further. “Breathe Dean, just breathe.”

           It’s stupid. Dean wastes valuable time, their world crumbling all around them. And what is he doing? Crying. Making Sam and Jack comfort him because Dean lost the shovel he usually buries his feelings with. Empty probably taking that, too. It’s stupid. Maddening. Also, completely unavoidable.

           Dean wondered if, one day, he might shatter so completely gathering those pieces might prove impossible. He has his answer, at the worst possible moment.

           Soon he calms, and Dean can lift his head without flashing back there.

           “Dean…” Sam starts, cautiously. Treating Dean too carefully given how far into this war they’re in. “Dean, Cas’s deal… the Empty wanted him happy?” Nodding, Dean waits for the next question. Dreading it. “What… what did he do?”

           Sam hadn’t broken down, when they found Eileen’s duffel – and her phone. Recovered best he could and shouldered his pain. Allowed those seconds of grief, then used it as fuel. Whereas Dean drags his suffering into eternity. Mourns his best friend, and their lost potential. A stolen future. Years spent in denial. If he’d taken a chance earlier… at some point. “Cas,” Dean sighs, “he let himself… he confessed…” Explaining it was too difficult, but Sam needed to know. Jack, too. “He loved me, Sam.” Laughing, Dean wipes at his eyes. “He loved me, after all I – he still… he loved me, and that killed him.” Whispering, he repeats, “He loved me.”

           Sam’s features shifted, journeying from shock to a pitying understanding. Rubs comfortingly at his back, sighing. “Loving you was what made him happiest?”

           “Yeah… it was, it was so simple…” Dean uncurls, teetering, flirting with the idea of lying on his back. He and Jack trade a fleeting glance, Dean checking his reaction. Not surprised in the slightest. Kid’s too damned insightful. “Just admitting it was enough and… and you know what he said? He said he… Cas believed it was something he could never have?” His chest tightens, and Dean scoffs. “I don’t… how could that be – how could loving me be, I’m… how can I be Cas’s happiness? Out of all he could have had, and what he wanted was me – what I… what I thought I could never have.”

           “Don’t say that Dean,” Sam admonishes, “you are worthy of having love.”

           Shrugging, Dean turns from his and Jack’s heavy stares. Looks at the pooling egg yolk again; focuses on that spreading mess. “Cas said about as much, before the Empty… had this whole speech that I – it felt like I was being peeled away. Called me out for… it all feels so meaningless. Is that what it felt like, with Eileen? Being with someone who can see through you and make all this big stuff seem – well, seem not so big anymore?” Sam agrees, as much. “There we were Billie hot on our heels. Waiting for death, and he spits out the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard. I almost forgot what was going on. It was just him and me… him seeing – seeing me. And you know what I did? Not a goddamn thing…”

           “Dean…”

           “I could barely speak, I – I was so scared,” Dean admits, “if you’d’ve been there Sam, the look of – look of finality that was there, alongside the love, and peace, and happiness. I always wanted to hear him say that, couldn’t predict him saying all of that… I would’ve traded it if it meant he’d stay. And I can – I get to have him in the only way we could. But he made up his mind, like with Jack. Took Billie down, and him, too. Leaving me there – alone – that it… when I finally said it back, I was too late.”

           They echoed. Hung in the air. Mingled with Cas’s blood on his sleeve and the fresh tears pouring out of him. Shook Dean down to the very core of his being, barely hearing it past the low pitch of static filling his ears. Dean thought those words innumerably before, imagined different scenarios, played pretend in the comfort of his room where no one can see.

           No one ever will, now.

           “I…” Dean tries saying his truth. It doesn’t want to come out. He continues regardless, “I miss him, Sam. Why do we do this? Hurt everyone we’ve ever cared about? Hell, the whole world’s collateral damage because of us!” Exhausted, Dean gives in. Falls fully off the cliff, lying on the sidewalk. Arms spread beside him while he watches endless blue.

           Sam squeezes his knee, “I miss her too. I miss them all.” He stands, adding another shadow. Jack’s advancing, too. Blanketing Dean in a strange temperature. Not cold, still there’s an absence of warmth he notes. “But it’s not on us. It’s Chuck. Always has been…”

           “Then is this it?” Dean asks, “One last play, even if it kills us? Even if it can’t bring everyone back?”            

           “At least we died fighting, then.”

           Dean cannot argue with this. He doesn’t feel too inclined to move yet. “For them,” he says, closing his eyes. “This isn’t about us, anymore. It’s about all of them. The world… our family… Eileen and – and Cas.”

           Their shadows move. He senses them leave, sunlight returning. Bringing with it more memories. Of how it felt first hearing Cas say it. A natural glow that lit from within. Snuffed in Cas’s next breath, as Billie’s fist pounded on the door, and when the bitterness of Cas’s declaration hit his tastebuds. Dean grasps for that feeling, basking under the sun. Pretends it’s Cas giving him that gorgeous, soul-shattering smile. Encouraging him into his final battle. Telling him it’ll be over soon, he’ll be done, and that he loves him.

           He loves him. He loves him. He loves him.

           “I love you Cas.”

           Dean will rise. Gather what little he, Sam, and Jack have and rush at Chuck until there truly is nothing left. Of this world. Or of them. But that’s later.

           Right now, Dean dreams of his losses. Apologizes, one by one, faces blurring together as he starts counting strangers his mind saved for no purpose other than to make him carry more crosses.  Never his, though.

           Cas’s face shines uninterrupted, clearly, like the sun. There even as everything else fades. In the safety of his mind, where the Empty can’t steal him. In the safety of his heart, that Chuck can’t control. In his hands, wearing Cas’s blood like a badge of honor and pride.

           And love.

[cursed-or-not]

Suptober Fics

Here’s my master list of all my suptober fics throughout the month! The descriptions,,,,,are not very professional, but I tried to at least acknowledge any ships or warnings.

Day 1: On The Road Again (100 words)

Literally just a Dean drabble. Winchester bros. 

Day 2: Earth (548 words)

Destiel. Features tipsy Deancas and conversations about falling. First kiss ficlet.

Day 3: Demonic (357 words)

Dean ficlet mainly, but it gives a moment to everyone in TFW. Heavy on poetry, not heavy on plot. 

Day 4: Branded (200 words)

Deancas. Yes, I wrote about the handprint, and no, I don’t care how basic it is. This one has an implied MCD and.... not a happy ending.

Day 5: Daydream (270 words)

Deancas again. Not much plot, Dean’s POV. Kinda just fluff, ngl. 

Day 6: Mask (548 words)

You guessed it: Deancas! It’s another first kiss fic, because do I know how to write anything else?

Day 7: Domestic (621 words)

Destiel fluff. That’s literally it. They stargaze and talk.

Day 8: Heartless (276 words)

This one was a coda for 15x14, so... here, there are spoilers. It sounds like its gonna be angsty, but it’s just TFW being a family.

Day 9: Electric (456 words)

Cosmic!cas ficlet with implied deancas. Also written in second person?? Idk, this one is kinda just freeverse, but I sure had fun writing it. 

Day 10: Sweet Rides (1k words)

Wayward sisters! Dreamhunter! TFW being a family! This is really just meant to be a feel good fic. Also, Jack’s POV.

Day 11: Rock & Roll (1.8k words)

Deancas. Opens with a T.S. Elliot quote, but don’t hold it against me. Deancas moments + music. This... might not be my best technical writing, but it turned out my fav from the month.

Day 12: Rewind (286 words)

Sam fic! Finally. It’s just a reflection on boyking!sam that ends on a hopeful note because he deserves the world. 

Day 13: Ladies (306 words)

It’s a Jessica Moore ficlet. Yes, I’m still crying about Jess in 2020, and no, I won’t apologize.

Day 15: Third Eye (1k words)

Destiel again. Djinn fic, kinda. I did this one really late, but I sure had fun. 

Day 17: Autumn Invading (1k words)

Destiel. Touches on the empty, but largely fluff. First kiss.

Day 18: Dark & Stormy Night (575 words)

Dreamhunter. Features Kaia dealing with nightmares from the Bad Place and Claire not letting her go through them alone. 

Day 20: Home (600 words)

Deancas again. More staring at the sky, more handholding and realizations.

Day 29: Fragile (357 words)

Yep, I skipped a bunch of days. Sorry. But this one is a Cas ficlet centered around the 15x17 revelation bc that episode made me crazy. Deancas, but like, slight.

Day 31: Carry On (2k words)

Dean-centric, destiel, tfw 2.0. I’m gonna go ahead and say spn spoilers just in case, but I really did blatantly ignore actual plot stuff in favor of ~emotions~. This one was kind of my goodbye to this show and these characters. Yeah I’m crying what about it

[darringtonshorthalt]

okay, while I’m still very hopeful for the finale, I do feel like this needs to be said

15x20 is going to be about Sam & Dean.

It’s also going to be about the family they’ve made along the way - Bobby and Jody (and hopefully all the girls) and Rowena and... you get my point. I hope we get to see some of the old family too, the people we haven’t seen in years (Crowley and Jo & Ellen and whatnot), but I wouldn’t be surprised if Covid dashed our chances of that. F a m i l y

I am not (and I suspect most of the hellers aren’t) expecting a Destiel-centric episode. I’m expecting a family-heavy episode where [hopefully] Sam & Dean both get their happy ending via Eileen & Cas. I’m hoping for an acknowledgement, not for a long-winded confession of love followed by a ten-minute make out sesh.