#this is buck in a vulnerable place being open and honest with his best friend

[mintedwitcher]

Okay so people keep talking about Buck's coming out scene with Eddie, and I just want to talk about this part right here:

Buck: Is that weird?

Eddie: No. Absolutely not.

Because. Because! The look on Eddie's face. The tilt of his head, the steady eye contact and the immediate reassurance... Buck needed that. He's just come out. He's just done something brand new, out of his depth, and kind of terrifying. And no matter how well you know someone, there's always that fear in the back of your mind. That horrible little voice that whispers, what if they hate me for this?

And for someone like Buck, that voice doesn't just whisper, it screams. It's been screaming since he was a child. But Eddie. Eddie doesn't give it a second to get a word in.

Buck asks, "Is that weird?" And Eddie immediately and firmly replies, "No. Absolutely not." And then he follows it up with another reassurance, almost immediately:

"This doesn't change a thing between us."

Now I'm seeing a lot of people say that Buck looked disappointed at this, but I say he looked relieved. Because Eddie is his best friend. Eddie is the person whose opinions matter the most to Buck, even above the opinions of his sister. (Hell, I think the only person that Buck will be more concerned about coming out to will be Christopher.) But I think there was still a moment, a split second of doubt where Buck really thought that him coming out to Eddie would damage their friendship.

For Buck, one of the things he is most afraid of is being left behind. Being abandoned. Seeing the people he loves give up on him. Eddie knows this, he knows Buck. Whether you view it as romantic or not, Buck and Eddie do love each other. They're family. So having Eddie double down and say, "No, none of this is weird, and I'm not going anywhere, we're rock solid," is SO important. Buck isn't disappointed that nothing will change. He's relieved. He's free.

And Eddie responds in exactly the way Buck needs him to in that moment. Reassurance, some slight teasing, and encouragement for Buck to go after Tommy. To go after the guy he can't stop thinking about. He doesn't make it this big, heavy, burdensome thing. He doesn't get overly emotional or confrontational like some cishet people tend to do when their friends come out. Eddie has Buck's back with this as much as he does with everything else.

I think it's the best coming out scene we could've gotten with these two, and I'm beyond obsessed with it.

[abbyholmes]

911 06x12 once again SLAPPED in the best way possible and here‘s why:

- Buck looks like he gives the absolute best hugs and I will not be taking notes on this one I mean Look at how he hugs Maddie. They are my favorite siblings since ever.

- Bobby finally finding peace and knowing his friend and sponsor died trying to save someone had me SOBBING. Him helping two struggling people in turn was so beautiful. That man is sich a caring Dad I just… 🥹

- Athena Supporting her husband in every way possible WE LOVE TO SEE IT.

- Chimney‘s ‚As much as I love to tease your brother, he is not an actual idiot.‘ Because truth. And because I want more interaction between those two.

- JOSH COMING OVER FOR SUDOKU WAS DOWNRIGHT HILARIOUS. For the love of god can These two please become acccidential besties?

- Cameron checking in on Buck was a nice touch. Hope the fandom now sees that he‘s just a dude that asked a favor and does indeed care about his friend.

- HEN AND THE FONDUES I CAN‘T I NEARLY DIED WHEN CHIM UNPACKED THE GIFT

- Hen being Buck‘s second bog sister. Love their Besties-Era. Give me more.

- Buck going to Eddie‘s Place for refugee. Falling asleep on Eddie‘s godforsaken COUCH. Eddie Diaz being a massive dork. THE DOMESTICITY. ‚So now can I ask you how you are?‘ , their honest and serious conversation about shared trauma. Buck being so open and vulnerable and Eddie reciprocating this. Just…those two <3 I really want Buddie to become canon but even as friends, they are so special.

- Buck‘s face as he Seems to consider going to Italy (There is a ‚Eat, Pray, Buck‘ fic forming in my Head, please hold me back!)

- Buck facing the place of his trauma bravely alone

- Buck Opening up to Maddie 🥹🥲💖

- IT WAS JUST ANOTHER GREAT EMOTIONAL EPISODE, OKAY?!

I hope we get more Hen and Chimney in the Next ones. I want to know what’s going on with Danny and his Dad. And how Chim feels now that Buck is okay after blaming himselffor what happened.

And I also still hope that Eddie and Buck get to spend some fun times which might lead to more honest conversations. I want Eddie to admit how scared he was of losing Buck.

Anyway, this Show stays an amazing piece of television. I liked the break from the usual format for the last episodes but am also looking forward to the return of calls.

[sevenbulletsavior]

Karen had been feeling off since she'd been initially intercepted by Malcolm as Todd had been tailing her: something was wrong, she could feel it within her gut, but she couldn't place her damned finger on it. She didn't mention these things to Matt or Foggy, not the fact that she'd been trailed once before, not the fact that she'd ran into some random man looking for her ex, not the fact that her ex was now in the city and hunting her down; it wouldn't do any of them any good for Matt to be hypervigilant (more so, actually) while they were trying to slog through the pages and pages of text message transcripts that one of their clients had sent over in regards to his pending divorce or for Foggy to be even more concerned about her safety than he already was.

She kept it all close to the chest and played happy house with her friends at work, pretending that her life wasn't falling to shambles around her.

That would work, right? Just willing her life to feel normal?

Karen had kept in touch with Malcolm since that day: the occasional text sent his way, a check-in or location drop sent to let him know of information she'd gathered from her street informants about possible sightings of Todd, meeting up at a dog park so Pax and Buck could run around together. It wasn't anything too deep, but she wanted to keep him abreast of any information she came into of course. A working relationship would work best for both of them, and that meant she had to be forthcoming with information. And to be honest, she had no qualms in being forthcoming in regards to Todd and his whereabouts. She didn't want to deal with him; she wanted to go slip back into anonymity once more, to become nothing more than a dark cloud hanging over her past.

Maybe Karen should have been more open with Matt and Foggy about her personal life. Maybe she should have just casually mentioned that she was being stalked by her ex. Maybe if she had done that she wouldn't have been so foolishly alone and vulnerable and fumbling with the keys to her car because she was running a few minutes behind schedule to meet Malcolm at the diner when there would suddenly be two arms around her boy trying to pin her arms to her side and her feet pulled from the ground. Karen instinctively went to fight back, but whoever was behind her was strong, stronger than she intended or considered and suddenly her head was slammed into her own vehicle once, twice, and her vision began to blur at the edge, narrowing on the shiny metallic body and the face that looked at her in the reflection.

Left behind were her keys by her car, a few miscellaneous items from her purse scattered around the ground from her struggles, and a smudge of blood on her car from where her head was smashed into it.

When she came to, her hands were duct taped together, her legs were duct taped together, and her head was throbbing (not just from being bashed in; apparently a migraine was triggered too). Karen wasn't sure just how long she had been out, but as her vision began to clear up, she realized that whatever her surroundings were, they were nowhere near New York or any dingy, questionable warehouse or drug house that might be in the city.

Whatever she was in was cramped and unsteady...much like a travel trailer. Her stomach tightened in fear then, realizing that she was in a travel trailer and it was moving. On the small table across from her was her phone and purse, contents scattered about, and even though the trailer was far from steady (and her legs were bound), Karen wriggled her way as much as she could to her things. It was a tedious process, one that required too many breaks to keep herself from vomiting around the gag in her mouth (inconvenient, much like her binds). Once she had been able to scoot to the table, she reached first for her phone because her gun was gone. She struggled with the phone, struggled typing in her passcode because the tape was so tight it felt like her circulation was being cut off, but Karen was finally able to drop her active location to Malcolm without a second to spare because the trailer was stopped, a door slammed shut, and then Todd was stepping inside...

...and Karen was losing consciousness once more as he slammed her head into the table in retaliation.

@oftoska gets a starter that involves abduction.

[forever-rogue]

I got a whole 4 hours of sleep today and have to pull a 12 hour shift. So I apologize if it doesn’t make sense, I am new to the Bucky fandom!

I like the idea of his grumpy, refusing to let anyone in, be slowly ground down by reader, but teeters back and forth until reader is in some sort of trouble. Then the flood gates of vulnerability open because he was worried about them. I mean he hasn’t been with anyone since the 40s right? Would he still know how to navigate caring about someone in that way? I don’t know. It was something that has been buzzing around in my head for a week.

Pairing: Bucky x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 1.9k

Warnings: langauge, vague description of sex (minors dni!)

BUCKY MASTERLIST

MAIN MASTERLIST

»»————-　♡　————-««

You’d started out as neighbors - nothing more and nothing less. 

Neighbors turned into causal acquaintances, fueled by your constant baking and copious amounts of goodies. Casual acquaintances turned into friends that would spend an occasional evening watching television together. Friends quickly turned into best friends that became utterly inseparable....with the occasional hook-up. You were hesitant to call it friends with benefits because that just sounded so crass. It was more like best friends with the occasional stress relief.

Stress relief. Sure that worked.

None that you wouldn’t have minded more of course. But you weren’t about to make a move on James Buchanan Barnes and ask him out on a date. No, you knew your place and his. He was physically akin to a god, mixed in with a bit of fuck boy, and yet...you loved him. You’d fallen hard and fast for the man that had gone from a mere stranger to a welcome and comfortable part of your life. But you’d never tell him that. 

No, nope, hell no. Bucky surely didn’t reciprocate your feelings and you’d never been the type to make a move first. 

Besides that...Bucky didn’t exactly strike you as a relationship type of guy. You’d seen him here and there with a girl or two, but it wasn’t anything serious. And since the two of you had started hooking up, you’d never noticed anyone else. And you hadn’t been with anyone else either. It was akin to a non-exclusive exclusive not-really-a-relationship relationship. Neither of you pushed it any further - you both accepted dates here and there but they never amounted to anything. Wonder why?

Unbeknownst to you, it wasn’t that Bucky didn’t want a relationship - he did. He did very much with you. But he just...there was something about being a one hundred and six year-old man that just left him confused and worried. He hadn’t exactly had the opportunity to date much and now that he had the time it reminded him of just how different things were. Dating was this weird confused jumble, but you were a clear and obvious bright spot. He had his doubts that you’d ever want anything more from him. He knew what he was - a mostly stable old man with a body that people seemed to enjoy. He made the most of that - it didn’t seem like people were interested in getting to know him much these days. 

But you did - you always did. And, gods, he’d fallen hard for you - the kind of love that makes your stomach churn and heart feel like bursting and steals your breath away no matter how long it’s been. But what the fuck would you want with him? He’s a fossil with a boatload of mental trauma and even more sass and attitude.

You deserved the world and he only had himself to give. Of course, he was enough - way more than enough - but he didn't believe that. 

There had been numerous occasions when you'd tried to be honest, to confess your true feelings, but you'd always managed to fall short. Every time you got close, something came up. And after the last girl you'd seen him with, you vowed to take your secret to the grave. 

You had come close though - so close - especially the last time you'd hooked up.

»»————-　♡　————-««

You were under Bucky, both of you naked and panting as you quickly approached your highs. He was buried deep inside you, head dropped to the juncture of your neck and shoulder, nipping and biting at the delicate skin. 

Your legs were wrapped around his waist in order to hold him close. One of your hands was laced together with his while the other was wrapped around his neck. There was something so perfectly harmonious about how you always were together. 

His name fell from your lips like a prayer, James, James, James as he kept going. It was the only time you called him anything but Bucky. As your vision had grown hazy and you felt that familiar warm start to blood your veins, you’d let your true feelings slip. It was so easy, so effortless and in the moment it just...happened.

I love you. 

The declaration hung in the air as you felt your walls clamp around him and he reached his own eyes. That’s when you’d realized what you’d done. This time it was an entirely different sensation radiating throughout your bones - terror. Utter terror.

But if Bucky had heard your three little words he made no mention of them. Relief washed over you as you came to the conclusion that he was just as wrapped up in his own blissful haze that he simply hadn’t heard you. You were safe this time - but you’d have to be extra cautious from here on out.

Oh, but Bucky had heard you. Loudly and clearly. He chose to ignore your words because he was positive that he hadn’t heard you incorrectly. Surely you hadn’t meant to say that - and more importantly, it was a mistake. As much as he loved hearing those words from your pretty lips, he knew it was either an accident or a figment of his imagination. 

You both pretended that nothing had happened. 

»»————-　♡　————-««

Bucky rolled his eyes lightly as he watched his phone light up with a call from Sam. He was half tempted to ignore it but decided to answer anyway; he was bored and the call might lead to something to do. You’d normally be hanging out with him on a Friday night, but his calls and texts had gone unanswered.

“Hey man,” Bucky picked up the call and walked into the kitchen to grab a beer, “what’s up?”

“You need to get to the hospital,” Sam was speaking so quickly that it all came out in a single slew of words as Bucky’s brows knitted together.

“I know I don’t have a lot going on this Friday night, but I think I’m okay,” he snorted as he opened the bottle and took a swig.

“No, no, no,” Sam interrupted by almost whispering your name, “there’s been an accident. She was hurt and taken to the ER. I was on the phone with her when it happened - just come. Now.”

Bucky didn’t even wait for Sam to finish before he dropped the beer and ran out the door. His whole body felt like it was growing numb and the only thing on his mind was you. You couldn't be hurt...you just couldn’t. Bucky couldn’t imagine any sort of reality in which you weren’t there. 

»»————-　♡　————-««

As soon as he ran into the hospital, seeking out the emergency room, he was asking about you. He looked probably just as crazy as he felt as he was nervously directed to your room. He almost jogged down the hall and into your small space. Sam stood at the end of your bed, looking down at you with a concerned expression.

“What the hell happened?” Bucky could barely bring himself to look at you as you laid on the small bed, looking so helpless and fragile. You were sleeping, sedated from lots of heavy drugs, but hooked up to several beeping machines. Your arm was in a cast already, bruises and contusions and cuts littered every bit of your skin that he could see. His heart plummeted into his stomach. 

“She was crossing the street and got hit by a car that didn’t slow down enough in time,” Sam’s heavy was heavy as he rubbed at his tired, “I heard it all happen, Buck. It was terrible - but she’s strong. She’s going to be okay. No internal damage, luckily, but she’s going to be in a lot of pain for a while. The arm’s broken.”

“Jesus,” Bucky sighed as Sam nodded.

“I called her parents and they’ll be here soon. She’s just sleeping but hopefully will wake up soon.”

“Okay,” Bucky took a hesitant step closer.

“She asked for you,” Sam hadn’t been sure if he should have confessed that little part or not, “when they were bringing her in. Kept repeating your name. You should just tell her, you know. She’s obvious she feels the same. Don’t be idiots.”

“Thanks,” Bucky rolled his eyes dramatically as the two men shared a quick laugh before Sam hugged him, “I’ll stay here if you want to go. You’ve done a lot already. Thank you for calling me.”

“I got you man,” Sam gave him a half smile, “call me if you need anything at all...or if anything happens.”

“Goodbye.”

As soon as his friend left, Bucky came over to you, his fingers grazing the side of the small, horrid looking bed. He was going to help you however you needed it for however long it would take till you were better and out of pain. If he had the choice, he wouldn’t ever leave your side again.

This whole time he’d been so dumb, so silly. He should have just told you how he left - a long time ago and gotten over himself. A heavy sigh escaped him as you pulled up the uncomfortable plastic chair and took a seat next to you.

He gently, ever so delicately reached for the hand that was in the cast and held it in his. It almost made him laugh with how much smaller your hand was than his. They fit perfectly together.

He watched the steady rise and fall of your chest as you slept, wondering when you’d wake up. He hoped soon - so he could finally tell you all of those unspoken words. 

»»————-　♡　————-««

“James?” a croaky, dry voice met his ears as his tired eyes snapped open. He blinked a few times to adjust his vision before focusing on you. You were looking back at him with a tired, sleepy little smile on your features. You looked beautiful, so damn beautiful, despite the blues and purples painting your skin, “what are you doing here?”

He must have fallen asleep at some point during the night. He was still holding your hand. He beamed back at you, “hi pretty girl. Sam called me and told me what happened. I came right over.”

“I’m anything but pretty right now,” you laughed lightly but quickly grimaced at the pain, “how long have you been here?”

“Since yesterday evening,” he confessed quickly, “I didn’t want to leave - wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Oh Bucky,” there was that saccharine little smile on your face. The same one he loved so much, “you didn’t have to. I...I really fucked up movie night, huh?”

“I’m in love with you.”

He finally got those damn words out before he could change his mind or think too much about it. Your face immediately lit up with a grin as you searched his cerulean eyes. 

“Do you mean it?” you asked softly as he nodded, feeling a blush creep into his cheeks.

“Of course.”

“I love you too, Bucky,” you replied, giving his hand a tight squeeze, “I’m in love with you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Good,” he whispered as he leaned closer to you, “because I’m not going anywhere, pretty girl. Not now, not ever.”

“I don’t want you to, Bucky,” you promised, “I want you with me always.”

“That sounds perfect to me.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

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[donutloverxo]

Sharing is caring

Note - this is part of my soft!reader universe and a sequel to on the run. You don't have to read them to understand this but I do suggest to check em out!

special thanks to sister wives @sweater-daddiesdumbdork and @stargazingfangirl18 for their input!

Summary - Steve learns that good things are meant to be shared.

Warnings - smut, mfm threesome, wife sharing, daddy kink, dom Steve, dom Bucky, sub reader, rough sex, light anal stuff

Pairing - Steve Rogers x reader x Bucky Barnes

Word count - 2.6k

Masterlist is linked in the bio!

Bucky had always been a loyal friend to Steve. Steve was someone who was more than just a friend, their relationship transcends that of a traditional male friendship. They were brothers and practically family. Bucky protected Steve back when he was just a little guy from Brooklyn, not just because he needed it but also because he loved the little troublemaker. He will forever be grateful to Steve for protecting him and believing in him when no one else did.

Which is why he felt extremely disgusted with himself to have feelings, if one can even call them that, for you, Steve’s wife. The punk actually got himself a wife. A beautiful one at that.

Bucky was excited to meet you, especially because Steve couldn’t stop talking about you. He was obviously so proud of you. ‘You have got to meet her Buck. She’s the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.' He gushed.

And yeah he was pleased to meet you, but not in the way that would be considered proper. As soon as you shed your thick coat and put on that thin tank top, he could see your plump and curvy figure.

He had to fucking lay there and listen to your moans and whimpers as Steve fucked you just two feet away from him! Did you call him daddy? When the fuck did Steve become such a stud? He didn’t even know how to talk to women! The whole time he wanted to touch his aching cock, relieve some pressure. But that would mean he won’t hear your angelic sounds and cute but useless attempts to stay quiet. He did go to the bathroom to relieve himself. And yes he did think about you and how you must look naked. He was already going to hell.

He thought that would be the end of it. He would stay in Wakanda while you and Steve went to Europe. As much as he'd miss not being able to see you or get to know you, at least he wouldn’t have that kind of temptation.

But then a year later, unceremoniously, you came to his little house on the farm. You were staying in Wakanda for a month while Steve was on a mission.

‘I can’t stay in the palace.’ You lips jutted out slightly quivering as you looked at him hand Bucky had to do everything in his power to not hug you close to him ‘I don’t know anyone there. I miss home. I want to stay with you please.’ You begged.

And of course he said yes. How could he turn you away when you looked him with those puppy dog eyes, when he promised Steve he would look after you.

Living with you was as amazing as it was torturous. You lounged around the house in your small cotton 60s style nighties because ‘Stevie likes them and I do too!’ and of-fucking-course you hated wearing panties. He had gotten a generous view of your cunt at least three times. Sometimes he thought you did it deliberately. Just to tease him. But you seemed too innocent and sweet to play those kinds of games.

There was more to it then him getting to ogle your beautiful body everyday. You were kind, sweet, honest and funny. He could see why Steve was so crazy about you. With you around he didn’t feel so lonely. There was that night you sneaked into his room because you couldn’t stop worrying about Steve. He could see how homesick you were. He was also longing to go back home, only his home no longer exists. He cuddled you as you braided his hair and marvelled at how silky and soft it was.

The next morning you were back to your happy bubbly self. Having no idea that you had ruined him. He had a crush on his best friends wife. How do you tell someone that?

He didn’t feel jealous when you ran into Steve’s arms, kissing him all over his face when he came back. He cared for you both and you deserved each other. You deserved to be happy. Steve was just as happy to see Bucky and how you and him had become such good friends in just one month.

Bucky spent the next week catching up with Steve. There wasn’t much he could tell Steve about but he had plenty to share. Along with your wedding pictures and he was just reminded of how ethereal your beauty is.

What he never in a million years would have expected was for Steve to ask–

“Do you like her?” He asked but it was a rhetorical question. He didn’t really expect an answer.

“I do. There isn’t much not to like.” Bucky played dumb. He was dumb to think that Steve wouldn’t notice his lingering stares.

“You know what I mean.” He retorted his eyebrows furrowed.

“She’s – she’s beautiful. I’m happy for you. My feelings don’t matter.” He said honestly. No matter how much he desired you, he would never act on it.

“Turns out she might like you too” Steve said casually taking a sip of his whiskey leaving Bucky stunned.

Which is what led him here. With you completely bare, spare for your yellow panties with little red hearts on them. He was sitting on the edge of your bed, you stood in front of him, your nipples hard as you shivered. Steve knelt behind you to rolls down your panties leaving you naked as the day you were born in front of both the men.

Steve stood up on his feet, tossing your panties away. You hummed as kissed you under your ear. You relaxed as he massaged your shoulders. “Are you nervous princess?” He asked and you nodded. “What are our words?”

“Green for keep going, yellow for slow down and red for stop” You said biting your lip as Bucky’s hungry eyes took you in.

You were curvy, a lot like women back in his day. Your hips a bit larger than your bust, he couldn’t wait to see what your ass looked like. If it was as plump as he imagined. His hands were shivering, he needed to touch your round heavy breasts. Squeeze them to see if they were as soft as they looked. But he didn’t know just how far he was allowed to go. Thanks to the serum he could smell your arousal, he would die if you didn’t let him dip his fingers or his cock in your heat.

“What do you want baby?” Steve murmured in your hair and placed a soft kiss there. He drew small circles on your hips urging you to speak.

“I want – I want to suck his cock” You shivered feeling Steve’s length pressing against your ass through his sweats. You were the only one naked and you should feel completely vulnerable. But you trusted Steve with your life and you had come to trust Bucky as well. You didn’t feel ashamed, no you were proud. That you could get these amazing men to bend to your orders.

“Then do it sweetheart.” Steve pushed you down and you hissed as your knees touched the cold hard floor. You trembling hands worked to undo Bucky’s pants and pull his cock out of his boxers. You had only ever seen Steve’s cock, but you decided then and there that Bucky’s was your second most favorite. You admired it for a minute, licking a stripe up his slit before taking him in your mouth.

You felt Steve kneel behind you, with his knees on either side of you, pulling your hair over your shoulders he caressed your back “My girl does whatever I tell her” Steve said petting the back of your head “isn’t that right princess?”

You reluctantly pulled Bucky out of your mouth, because you know what happens if you don’t answer. “Yes daddy” You rasped gulping for some air as a strong of your spit connected you to Bucky’s cock. You opened wide to take him back in your mouth. But he was much girthier than Steve, it was a struggle to fit him. You whimpered around his cock as you tried to swallow as much of him as you could.

“She just needs a little guidance sometimes.” Steve hushed you pulling your hair into a pony tail and pushing on the back of your head.

Even if your lips were wrapped around his cock and you were gagging around him. Bucky felt as if he was an outsider looking into an intimate moment with you and Steve. He didn’t want that. Even if he could never have you, he wanted you to remember him. He wanted to make some sort of impact on you. He took a hold of your face lifting his hips up to thrust into it. “You call him daddy. What will you call me doll?” He asked slowly fucking into your face as you looked up at him with your big doe eyes, tearing falling down your cheeks.

“Hm. How about sir?” Steve suggested still pushing on your head. He wouldn’t take too kindly to Bucky being the only one fucking you.

Bucky pulled you off his cock as you coughed and stuttered gasping for breathe. “Yes” you heaved “Sir” you gave him a dazed smile dropping your jaw and silently begging him to continue his assault on your mouth. He groaned shoving his cock in your mouth.

“Breathe through your nose sweetheart.” Steve cooed. Always so worried about you. You took as much of Bucky as you could, breathing through your nose as Steve suggested. Closing your eyes shut to stop the tears. You wanted to do your happy dance as you felt your nose touch the little curls at the base of Bucky’s cock, his tip hitting the back of your throat. You had never been able to deep throat Steve. Even though Bucky was a bit smaller than Steve you couldn’t help but feel so accomplished.

You pulled up for air and looked over your shoulder to Steve. Wiping your cheeks and mouth “Daddy” You said proudly.

“Yes princess” He kissed your wet cheek “I’m so proud of you baby. You’re doing so good” You whimpered, his praise going straight to your core “You’re such a good girl. You deserve a reward” And you hummed looking back to Bucky’s hard cock, not wanting to keep him waiting to long you swallowed him whole again.

Steve pulled your hips and arched your ass up. You struggled to balance your weight on your hands and knees for a moment before finding a good position. You moaned around Bucky’s length as you felt Steve’s hot tongue invading your folds. “Shit” Bucky groaned pushing your head down holding it at his base “Do that again doll” He groaned as you moaned again. Extra loudly this time.

You felt ropes of his cum in your mouth as he held onto your head for dear life. You swallowed around him and felt him soften in your mouth.

You yelped when Steve’s finger prodded at your pluckered hole. “Keep Bucky’s cock warm while I get you ready. Will you do that for me princess?” Steve asked pushing two fingers into your pussy and fucking your ass and your heat at with his fingers at the same time.

You only hummed laying your head on Bucky’s thigh and suckling on his cock. It was all too much and too little at the same time. You needed his or Bucky’s cock inside you. You perked up when you heard Steve undress behind you. You cried out around Bucky’s cock as Steve sheathed himself in you in one single stroke. He squeezed your hips, rolling his against them. He thrusted into you jerking you forward again and again. You moaned as you felt the sting and the smack of his slap on your ass. “You having fun?” He asked thrusting deep inside you, his tip brushing that spot that drives you crazy “This what you wanted?” He snapped his hips harshly again and again. All you could do was take it and occasionally swallow your spit around Bucky’s cock.

Bucky was too entranced by the sight to do anything. He could feel his cock hardening again. It was strangely voyeuristic and arousing to see Steve rutting into you. His face contorted in pleasure, his torso and neck flushed red. He was happy for you seeing that the serum had enhanced everything. “That’s enough” He took you off his cock and consoled you as you whine at the loss. “I’m gonna fuck her.” Bucky declared. He wasn’t gonna be shy or ask for permission anymore. You both had roped him into whatever the hell this is.

“She’s all yours” You whimpered again as Steve pulled out of you. Leaving you all empty. “Do your knees hurt baby?” Steve cooed and you nodded. You had forgotten about how the cold floor was pinching you. Steve never let you spend any time on your knees cause you were a princess and he didn’t want you being in pain. Well the bad kind of pain. He had no qualms about spending hours on his knees worshiping you.

Steve picked you up in his arms, you were basically putty, unable to move or to speak. He gently laid you on the soft mattress, your head hitting the pillow. He sat down next to you running his hands through your hair wordlessly checking in on you.

“I’m sorry doll” Bucky murmured kissing your bruised knees. He shrugged of his clothes and settled himself between your legs.

“It’s ok sir” You hummed kissing Steve’s hand.

“I don’t think I like you calling me that” he lifted your hips up to elevate them up a bit “It’s too formal” he teased your entrance with his tip before sinking into you. You threw your head back, moaning at the delicious burn as he snapped his hips fucking you with vigor. He leaned down hovering above you and captured your lips with his moaning at your sweet taste mixed with his own musky scent. He stood back again so he could look at your bouncing breasts as he fucked into you.

You moaned as Steve latched his lips onto your nipple, pinching and pulling on the other one between his fingers. “Oh god. You’re so tight. I’m not gonna last” Bucky grunted his thrusts losing their rhythm and becoming erratic. Steve snaked a hand down rolling your clit before stroking it “You gonna cum around Bucky’s cock baby?” Steve teased drawing patterns on your clit and going back to suck on your hard bud.

You could only let out a whined barely there ‘Yes'. You felt as if you were seeing stars as you came hard around Bucky’s cock and gushing over Steve’s fingers. You blacked out as you felt Bucky empty his warm cum inside you. He collapsed on top you before moving to the side. His chest rising and falling out of the corner of your eye.

You looked towards Steve as you heard him quietly groan. He was pumping his angry red cock with his fist, his other hand fondling your breast. “Daddy” You mused “I want to –“

“Shh” He groaned cutting you off “Your throat must be sore baby. It’s ok-ay” He laid his hand flat on the bed to balance himself cumming all over your stomach. He laid down next you and pulled you into him.

You felt Bucky stirring beside You and getting up. You pulled at his bicep to stop him. Pleading him to cuddle with you. “Just a minute doll” He cooed kissing your forehead and disappearing into the bathroom. Returning with a warm and wet cloth he cleaned up your sore pussy and wiped your torso. He tossed the cloth aside and draped an arm across you and cuddled with you just as you demanded.

Cocooned between them both you feel it’s the warmest and the safest place for you.

Tags will be in the reblog! If you want in on the taglist lemme know or click the link in the bio.

Please note that my work is NOT to be reposted or published anywhere other than my Tumblr or AO3 account. Reblogs are most welcome though.

[icyymocha]

Acts of Kindness

Warnings: Fluff, angst, Bucky loathing, insecurities

word count: 2,285 

Summary: From the beginning you both started dating, he was never one for showing affections, always opting to hold your hand; the bare minimum of showing any love to you physically. Bucky would show you his undying love for you through small acts of kindness and services. Throughout his life, the super-soldier was taught to be a gentleman. Always paying attention to his loved ones before he puts himself and his needs first. He’s always the believer who thought, ‘actions speak louder than words,’ kind of guy.

Bucky was disoriented and bitter. He was emotionless but it never meant he never had his moments of vulnerability. When Bucky was brought back from the blip and experienced his best friend leaving him with Sam and getting the worst therapist, he was so, so, so tired. He disconnected everyone—even his other best friend, Sam Wilson. Having a bloodbath of a past, he couldn’t stand being in a room with people, fearing he would hurt them again. He wasn’t himself. That was until he met you. You were kind and understanding. Unlike everyone, you weren’t walking on eggshells whenever it’s about him. You always showed him that you only saw him as a person instead of a monster. Bucky feels a warm feeling whenever he’s around you, yet he’s always stifling himself whenever you show small gestures of kindness that make his knees go weak.

Bucky thought he was showing how he felt around you and others (even if all he does is grunt and stiffen or stare when people are around). It wasn’t always like that it was the opposite for you. You thought he hated your presence, always noticing how he stiffens like a wooden board. So you started to distance yourself. Only believing he hates you and noting how he doesn’t like what you do. Oh, If only you knew. The first few weeks when you weren’t doing your usual morning routines (he’s not a stalker, he’s an observant person, guys) Bucky was confused and frowned. He didn’t push it and nevertheless continued on his day—ignoring the yearning feeling for you. Then, another few weeks came by, and then a month and, so on. Bucky was frustrated. Why were you ignoring him? Did he do something wrong? Did you finally see the monster he truly was from the inside? No….

He shook the thought away. He couldn’t have you be afraid of him now, not now, not after when it’s your fault for giving him these strange feelings. Sam pointed out he had a crush on you, but he was a stubborn bull and bluntly said “it’ll go away.” Wrong. He was so wrong.

So, after weeks of planning, Bucky decided to show his first act of kindness towards you. He prepped himself to have a bit of confidence in the mirror, having Sam forcing telling him to ‘man up’ By the time it was time to go and meet you (Sam setting the both of you up), Bucky protested and complained. Knowing how much of an asshole he was and how he took your kindness for granted. At this point, Sam was annoyed and being the best wingman he is (no pun intended), shoved him out of his apartment and dragged his ass to the place where you both met. The park. It was simple yet cliché. But Bucky, he was more than glad he had met you—by err running into you and knocking you off the ground by accident. He profusely apologized yet you laughed it off as if it was nothing. Months after the blip, he thought no one would recognize him, but he was wrong. He simply forgot you used to work for Shield and was there during the fight against Thanos. How could he have ever forgotten about you? You were there, since day one during the civil war, had he not realized about your presence? Either way, he was ecstatic.

Seeing you there all dolled up, Bucky hesitated. Sam huffed and shoved him a bit further more into your direction; Bucky glared at him. Nervous was an understatement. But Bucky was more than nervous. Every bundle of nerves in his body wanted him to run away but his heart told him to express his feelings towards you. Clearing his throat, you turned around and was surprised to see him there. Not like you were complaining. Bucky was wearing his usual black clothing but he always looked handsome.

“I didn’t think to see you here Buck,” you said, surprise written all over your face

“Well me either” Bucky said bluntly

Stupid, stupid, stupid—he heard Sam say in his comm.

“I—uh, I mean, Sam forced me to meet you” Bucky coughed awkwardly

You raised an eyebrow, your lips quirking upwards. His com is full of Sam’s ridiculous laughter and annoying remarks. He is so going to kill Sam.

“Well that’s unfortunate, too bad Sam’s missing out the fun,” you joked

The stiff tension in Bucky's shoulder relaxed a bit. Okay, good so far...

“Yeah, you’re right, doll”

Shifting his weight from one foot to another, Bucky looked down at the ground. Being around you was already making him shy away from but talking to you for the first time with a full conversation made his heartbeats rapidly

“Uh I got you something”

“Oh?”

Handing you a bag in your direction. Bucky waited until you looked inside. Anxiety eating him up to see how you react to his gift.

The bag in your hand felt heavy. You trusted Bucky, even more so than Sam (not like you’re ever gonna tell him that). You slowly opened the bag to see it filled with a variety of gifts. Your eyes widened.

Inside, there was a copy of your favorite mug you had broken during a food fight with Natasha. Next, were boxes of your favorite foods and chocolates. Then, a small amount of jewelry and a sweater with your favorite band. Others were some of your favorite novels. Last, was a letter? Wait, a letter from Bucky? That’s new.

You put down the gift bag and carefully opened the letter you assumed was written by Bucky.

Dear Y/n,

Uh, I don’t know where to start but nothing I do could match for all the acts of kindness you had shown me throughout the years.

I, uh, I’m sorry for all the shit you had to put up from me. I acted like an ass and I took everything for granted of your consideration for me. I never realized I hadn’t told you how I felt about you until you started to distance yourself around me. It’s not your fault, I understand.

Being known as a weapon from Hydra and a murder for killing the innocence of people, I understand if you’ve distanced yourself because of that. I never meant to scare you away. It’s quite far from that.

I always wanted to express how I felt around you. The way you gave me a warm feeling inside of me, made me feel loved and cared for. But I was never one for physical contact and I never know how to act around you nor tell you words about it. No words could ever describe what you mean to me, how much beauty you hold can have everyone look at you. If I’m being honest, you got me whipped and so is everyone else around your finger.

It was clear to me that I wasn’t always the best with people nor did I care enough to see how my actions or words could affect a person. I never realized I didn’t observe a person’s well-being enough to understand that this would create a drift between you and me. I’m sorry I never communicated with you—regardless even it’s just a quick yes or no question.

Sincerely,

James Buchanan Barnes.

It was eerily quiet. The tension between both couples was awkward. Bucky didn’t know whether to stay or leave and dig his grave six feet down in secondhand embarrassment. He quickly looked down at the ground, ashamed. He had a feeling he should’ve never written that letter to you, it was stupid and a dumb idea. Thoughts raced through his head; his fear of rejection of you leaving him. He lost so many people in his life, Bucky would’ve been devastated if you left because of him. It would be beyond the repair of what’s left of him that Bucky gave to you each day, pieces by pieces. Shallow breathes became heavier but Bucky gulped painfully, ignoring the burning feeling in his throat for a release of hot air.

What if this is the end? What if you hated him now? What if you left him because you found out who he truly was? What if you left because he never approached you as other people did? What if-

A gentle motion of a hand grazed his right bicep soothingly. He gulped even harder. This is it, Bucky tells himself. Yet no harsh words came at him nor did the mercilessness of a slap come towards him. But, two fingers grabbing a hold of his chin, forcing him to look up at the eyes that took his breath away.

“Bucky?” y/n whispered

closing his eyes, he waited for the rejection but it never came. He waited and waited. Feeling the warmth of two soft hands cradling his face, he leaned into their touch.

“This is really touching, thank you.” Y/n thanked, peppering kisses around his face. Their hands caressing his face, feeling the little stubbles underneath their fingers. Bucky’s whole body wanted to melt right then and there, already thinking how he needed their touch from now on.

Nuzzling into his neck, you murmured a sweet confession. Bucky already thought his heart had melted but no, it very much exploded—already so overwhelmed with this new profound feeling of love.

As much as Bucky savored the sweet moment with y/n, Sam had to interrupt it

“Are you lovebirds done yet?”

“I can’t stand watching an old man be all sappy,”

“Oooo Bucky's gonna get it,”

“We all know he’s gonna get laid y/n.”

Cue Sam fake gagging noises in Bucky’s com

Y/n giggled while Bucky clenched his jaw. His eyebrows furrowed and his crystal blue eyes darkened, he was ready to beat Sam’s ass for ruining the moment. You watched as Sam screamed for his life in and out of the park while a certain super soldier shouted profanities at him. It went on for a while. And during those moments, you recorded it all and saved a backup just in case to tease Sam about it. (You’ll never forget how Sam screamed like a little girl)

From the beginning you both started dating, he was never one for showing affections, always opting to hold your hand; the bare minimum of showing any love to you physically. Bucky would show you his undying love for you through small acts of kindness and services. Throughout his life, the super-soldier was taught to be a gentleman. Always paying attention to his loved ones before he puts himself and his needs first. He’s always the believer who thought, ‘actions speak louder than words,’ kind of guy.

He would always show ways of his way of saying, “I love you,” by refilling your cup in the mornings. Always made sure you were fed and hydrated throughout the day. He would ask if you need anything for personal needs, replacing your nightly skin routine when he thinks it’s almost finished. 

Whenever you have errands to run or missions to accomplish, Bucky always insisted to come with you whether you like it or not. He’s always so protective towards you and his biggest fear is ever losing you. He could never imagine hurting you or having you get hurt by something or someone without him being there to rescue you in time. A lot of insecurities were passing through his head, having that one voice in the dark corners of his mind, always wondering why? Why did you choose him? Bucky only saw his reflection nothing more but a weapon. A freak. When you found out about his insecurities, you made sure he was your first priority, always giving him extra love and attention. 

So, when weeks have passed by after that incident. Bucky found out you were a very affectionate person, more so before the two of you had gotten into a relationship. You loved feeling the arms of your lover; always feeling safe. You quickly learned that Bucky is now your personal coddler for warmth the first time he hugged you as you loved the sentiment and the thoughts of being held in a warm embrace. 

From then on, as Bucky kept pampering you, ignoring your protests and complaints, he made sure every need of yours was taken care of. Whenever Bucky feels like you are having a bad down overall, he would quietly take you to your guy’s shared bedroom and cuddle in silence, occasionally lazily tracing patterns and shapes to your back. Bucky was never the one to voice out his love, always thinking intimacy is better than a couple of futile words that cannot be compared to much love he has for you. If he wanted to, Bucky would shout out compliments and his love for you to the world yet it would never be enough. It would never be enough in his mind. You were his. And he would always make sure that his love is heard, whether he silently does so. The whole moment felt like a blur. Everything went by eerily quickly. Two years felt like two days being in a relationship together. Yet, Bucky is still the man who believes in, “Actions speak louder than words.” Nevertheless, he would never resist your charms and soft touches here and there. Those loving moments between the two of you as you cuddle in bed after a night full of passion, lazily tracing shapes and patterns on your guys' skin. Even if you had to do it in private, you wouldn’t trade it for the world.

[gagmebucky]

His face dips into your shoulder and neck, lips skimming along the slope until he’s brushing your ear. “Just. . . just for added clarity, this isn’t a dream?” He’s genuinely asking, sotto voce and breathy in his wanting disbelief, but never breaking his menacing pace. “This isn’t one of my daily wet dreams about you, and I really have your soft little pussy underneath my fingers right now?”

in which you and steve share the bed. (includes agent!reader x avenger!steve rogers, masturbation, fingering, dirty talk, mild voyeur!bucky.)

do not repost.

—

Though you haven’t thought about it—at least, not before now—you don’t have a nightly routine. Other than the basics, a shower and tying your hair back in a protective style, you’re underneath the covers and it’s lights out. You don’t require anything special nor do you partake in miscellaneous habits.

You like to think that, as a trained operative, you’re grown to be adaptable in the other aspects of your life. The missions, constant moving around and shifting settings, settling down easily is a good skill to have. But there is one thing, which is your occasional insomnia, typically punctuated with a sudden upheaval of arousal. 

It’s just your luck that the hotblooded urge attacks you in the current situation—in the arms of a coworker, several feet shy of another coworker. (A part of you giggles that it’s because you’re in his arms that it’s hitting you and not that it was simply inevitable.)

The job is your run-of-the-mill observe and report but the target you’re gunning for is in the bigger leagues therefore you’re accompanied by two super soldiers who have experience with this particular enemy. But the location has a huge event in the area, and the mission was somewhat out of the blue so all the hotels were booked up. Except for this one, and it only has one room available with two queen beds. 

Agent Barnes, ever the charmer, passed out on the first before you and Agent Rogers even finished checking the place out. And Steve, ever the gentleman, insisted you take the bed and he was fine with the couch. But, you, you and your I’m-totally-cool-and-I-don’t-have-a-crush-on-you facade waved him off, assuring you’re both adults and capable of sleeping in the same bed.

The problem, you now realize, is that while you are an adult and you should be able to sleep soundly next to a coworker-slash-friend, you aren’t. Your libido, it seems, wants to spite you because the second you think you’re tired and ready to succumb to unconsciousness next to the six-foot blond, she awakens. 

Preferring to wash up last, you walked out the bathroom to find that he squished himself on one side. Which you had fondly rolled your eyes at, slipping beneath the duvet then gently tugging his broad mass over. In his sleepy state, he followed your direction seamlessly, and somehow, you two ended up tangled together. 

In the first hour, your mind drifted to very inappropriate places, depraved recollections of those videos you like to watch with one hand down your pants then more personal—but nonetheless perverted—scenarios, authored by you and starring the man beside you. 

The second hour, you registered your amoral thoughts and vehemently worked on denying any further musings as well as the intense throbbing in your nether regions. You hoped to dissuade your feelings with other topics like how you’ll handle the mission tomorrow, and the economical and sociopolitical impact of human Shrek—really, anything not the way he’s nuzzled into you, or the places that could lead.

Right now, well into the third sleepless hour, you’re recognizing how fucked you are (God, you wish you were getting fucked for real). Because you’re so horny it hurts, and there’s no possible way you can sleep until it’s been quelled, and though you’d love to sneak into the bathroom to do the deed—it’ll take you five, ten minutes top—you can’t when Steve is dead asleep and holding you so tight: which, simultaneously, is stroking the fire. Pun intended.

His body coils around yours like a second skin, defined muscular cushion felt through your and his loose shirt, his a tank while yours a tee. He’s a radiator amid an air conditioned room and sheets that aren’t the best insulators. A strong forearm is braced across your partially turned hips, long legs stretched and intertwined with yours.

Quiet breaths inhale and exhale your nape, the tip of his nose nestled against the first ridge of your spine. There’s the intermittent adjustment,  where he snuggles closer, brushing his impossibly soft lips over that spot, mumbling something like, “Don’t. . . don’t go. N - nng, stay,” when you try to slither out of bed, cementing his subconscious grip on you.   

All things considered, you don’t mind it truthfully. In fact, he’s incredibly comfortable, and that those little twitches in his slumber are incredibly cute. You just wish your center would let it be wholesome, and not twist it into something salacious. 

You ponder your options: continue to lie awake until morning, or—or, masturbate there. The position is good, really good for it, now that you think about it. 

You’re halfway on your stomach, one knee hiked high, spread, while the other stretches downward; the corresponding arm is free, though the other is tucked beneath a pillow. 

It wouldn’t take but one movement to sink your hand between that prime spot and satisfy yourself. And, yes, Bucky is snoring with his face aimed toward you, meaning if his eyes flutter open, he might make out what you’re doing in the darkness. 

But, at this point, your need has outweighed your potential embarrassment. 

Your teeth run over your lower lip then you move carefully. With your free wrist, you sink below and flush between your hips, placing the joint of your straightened elbow against his arm. And that contact while you’re doing it should put you on, seriously underline the indecency of your act. 

It doesn’t though. If you’re being honest, there’s a visceral thrill in doing something like this: beneath the nose of two powerful and handsome men, the more vanilla of the duo whose arms you’re in. Your mind echoes something about professionalism but it’s drowned out by a flood of sensations via your fingertips. 

“O - oh,” you whisper inaudibly. The position is good, better than you expected—it’s fucking ace,  you realize, shifting your weight into your fingers, rubbing two of them against your bare clit. You bury your face into the pillow, hoping to muffle your reaction to the relief beginning to course through your veins. 

You’ve always preferred to lay on your back, and to use a silicone helper. (On cases by yourself, or cases where superiors aren’t paired with you, you bring one—a vibe, a pretty color that packs enough of a punch.) But this, right here, oh, it really works. 

Your muscles strain, and your toes curl in their respective positions. That wild throbbing has spiraled into a full-bodied fever, and it’s reaching a fever pitch. You press yourself harder into the pillow, biting down so nothing can escape because here it c— 

“Nng-nng,” Steve’s groan rumbles behind you, a louder uttering than the times before, and your body turns to ice. Rustling, you can feel his long lashes fluttering against the back of your neck, eyebrows furrowing. “Hey.” The grip anchored across your waist tightens, and he breathes in: and your stomach clenches because he has to know, even when he continues groggily, “What are you - what’re you doing?”

“I—” You don’t know what you were going to say but it falls short when he moves. 

His arm lifts so he can follow yours, hands ghosting along until he reaches that spot. He sinks in with you where you’re hot and dripping, and a small choking sound escapes you at the feeling of his rough pads.

It’s then you manage a rasped, “C - can’t sleep.”

“Oh,” he says then his smile tickles your nape, swiping two passes over your slick button, and your moan widens his smile. “Then need some help?”

 Your brain may have short-circuited but you nod, jerky as it may be. “Y - yes,” you speak with a sharp gasp. “That - that would be n - nice.”

Turns out, Captain America is not as vanilla as you previously thought because he doesn’t hesitate to dig right in. His index and ring finger part your sex for his middle to hone in on your clit. Then he’s abusing it in rapid circles that besiege your nerves with stimulation. 

You aren’t expecting him to be so skilled, passionate off the brake of sleep. A high moan tears from your lips, followed by a series of squeaks and whimpers in a lame attempt to quiet yourself. Your body jolts, and your hips careen into his onslaught, encouraging that pressure in your belly. 

His face dips into your shoulder and neck, lips skimming along the slope until he’s brushing your ear. “Just. . . just for added clarity, this isn’t a dream?” He’s genuinely asking, sotto voce and breathy in his wanting disbelief, but never breaking his pace. “This isn’t one of my daily wet dreams about you, and I really have your soft little pussy underneath my fingers right now?” 

“Not - not a dream, Steve!” you gasp, outright writhing into his palm. The fingers you had on yourself are now clawing at the sheets while your frame shakes. “Definitely not a dream.” 

“And those pretty sounds are because of me?” he wonders, a raggedness to his voice that’s mimicked in his merciless fingers. “These f - fucking whimpers and moans you’re makin’. . . trying to muffle so Bucky won’t hear are for me?” 

“God, yes,” you choke, squeezing your eyes shut because his best friend is snoring softly, and you don’t know how but you just know that he’ll know if he awakens now. You rationalize that the embarrassment will be less so long as you don’t see whether his gaze flickers open—which there is a high probability of happening since you’re doing a shit job at being discreet.  

“Okay, good,” he exhales before his teeth latch onto the vulnerable part of your neck, tongue lulling out to soothe the sting, and your entirety is  bucking into him, calling out for the remedy only he has. “Oh, shit - shit. You’re soft—sweet Jesus—you’re soft. I didn’t think someone could be this soft—fuck.”

You swear to God he’s doing his hardest to have you wake up his counterpart because his words are gasoline to a glowing blue fire. His name is a desperate cry on the tip of your tongue, and you’re trying to hold back but between his husky baritone in your ear and swirling caress, it’s becoming impossible. 

“And God, you’re really . . . you’re drenching my fingers and the sheets. How long - how long were you touching yourself in my arms before I woke up? ‘Cause fucking hell, honey.” There’s this almost feral guttural groan he makes on the petname, and it rattles between your thighs.  

“S - Steve—“ you warble, half-whimpered; you’re crossed in warning him about your lack of control and moaning his praise.

“I knew I smelled something sweet, and it’s you. You. You’re sweet, so sweet—“ 

And that’s it. The volcano explodes, and you come crumbling into his hand. In more ways than one because thankfully, he knows you’re going to scream his name and the arm propped beneath the pillow slides under and around to clamp over your vibrating mouth. 

It’s pure euphoria pumping through your blood, lasting far longer than you could have ever caused on your own, possessing you in sporadic tremors until you slump in his arms. Panting, your muscles relax, and he reaffirms his grip on you more comfortably. 

When the stars dissipate and you think you’ve regained your sense, you force yourself to face him because the mortification wants to rear its head, never mind your now sleepy state. Despite the darkness, you can discern some of his handsome features, and it comforts you. 

“T - thanks,” you murmur; you aren’t sure what to say. 

“No, no,” he murmurs back, and his crystal blue eyes are raking over your face. “Thank you. The pleasure was mine. Next time, don’t hesitate to ask ‘cause I - I’ve been thinkin’ about that—thinking about you for awhile now.”

The admission graces a smile on your lips, and you wiggle closer, leaning forward to seal the deal while he does the same. Before you can, however, a voice breaks through the moment: 

“Well, I hope you’re both happy because I’m awake and I���m hard now.”

[miss-kittys-magical-library]

Last Christmas

Words: 2900

Warnings: Here we see the smut chapter. Fluff and smut.

A/N: again thanks to my homies @joz-stankovich and @robertsheehanownsmyass for encouragement!! Tag list: @magic-multicolored-miracle @elliethesuperfruitlover @super-unpredictable98​ @bisexualnathanyoung

Chapter 3- White Christmas

Violet unlocked her door and dropped a handful of bags in the foyer. The mistletoe and pine still softly twinkling where Nathan left it made her flush at the memory of their kiss. She shook it off as she struggled to drag in a large heavy duffle bag she collected from the casino.

“Hey, Seamus Finnegan!” she gave a shout and smiled to herself. “Come help me with your shit! Also you've got eight hundred messages on your phone.” Violet finally faced her apartment and gasped. Nathan had decorated while she was out.

White lights trimmed the door to her balcony. The island where they ate earlier shared a similar style to the one above her front door: Pine and some bows and lights scattered throughout. There was a six foot pine tree in the corner by her television showered with white lights as well (in fact all the lights Nathan used were white. Some twinkled, some were stagnate). There were ornaments of every shade of purple, flowers and silver tinsel littered the tree, and again the pine around the wood of the table her tv sat on. Any bow used was a deep purple with silver trim.

“Oh, Nathan.”

That's all Violet could whisper as she ran her hands along the bough that lined the kitchen island. She knew in her heart he would open his mouth and ruin the feeling of contentment and she had right now. Something witty or obscene, so she kept quiet and allowed it all to soak in.

Making her way to the Christmas tree, Violet reached out to touch everything. It was real, solid. Nathan made all of these with his.. magic? She couldn't believe that’s what it was. Magic. He was magical.

His face certainly is magical, too she thought to herself. Cheeks hot as the sensation of his tongue in her mouth flooded her memory. It's been so long, Vi. What would it hurt?

Except it wasn't just about wanting to sleep with Nathan. He challenged her with his smart mouth. Always tacking on a statement that would get him the most attention. That he couldn't just say anything nice or complimentary without sexual or sarcastic wit sprinkled in. But he was vulnerable with Violet when he was still locked up and just last night as he lay dying in her arms. When Nathan trusted someone his walls came crashing down.

And he could be selfish, but so far he used his powers for others. The money he tried to steal to give Marnie and someone else’s baby a better life. Violet knew the young mother didn't steal the poker chip, Nathan gave it to her and told her to take off so she wouldn't get caught up in his mess. The decorations and breakfast this morning, carrying her to the couch instead of leaving her on the floor. That asshole’s tongue at the club. Even trying to comfort Violet as a knife stuck out of HIS chest.

And Violet assumed he drove everyone insane, himself included. Yet he survived. Or found a way. He survived being homeless and whatever went on in London after that storm that affected him and his friends (She googled it, would bring them up later). He even survived prison; for a guy like Nathan that was impressive.

Violet liked some of her clients. She even struck up friendships with the better of them. ACTUAL friendships where they called and hung out whenever her schedule allowed. But this was a tiny seed planted in her heart that started to grow and blossom like the flowers on her Christmas tree. They weren't supposed to see each other ever again, and Violet would be able to uproot her feelings for the flirtatious Irishman and throw them away.

Except he was in her apartment, occupying more than just physical space. With his stupid green eyes and even dumber way he laughed loudly at all of his own jokes before anyone else could. Let's not even start on his stupid, handsome face caught between boyish and a man like puberty couldn't make up it's mind during Nathan’s late teen years and just decided to linger into his twenties. Or his weird body with the baby Bambi spindly legs but muscular arms (with dumb scene kid tattoos) and that chest she touched. With all that death she figured he would be cold, but he was human. Hot blooded, warm-skinned human.

God dammit, Duval. You can't do this. He's probably just doing what he does best when it comes to you. Surviving until he gets home to London. Plus, he's like, way too young for you.

Her sisters were gonna have a field day with this tomorrow at dinner. Would Nathan even want to go with her? She was so lost in her thoughts, that she only just noticed the flowers decorating her tree were her namesake, violets.

Somewhere far behind, Nathan cleared his throat. Violet still jumped, plucking a flower off as she did. “Hope you don't mind I jazzed up the place. Rather boring for a bird like you,” he said with a devilish grin. “I wasn't sure what ye liked. I closed my eyes and t’ought of you and all this happened.” He swept his hand around the room.

“It's rather thoughtful for you.”

“Don't you mean thoughtful OF me?”

“No I definitely meant FOR you” Violet challenged.

For only the second time since they met, Nathan was rendered speechless.. Mouth agape, thick eyebrow furrowed in confusion as he grappled for a comeback and failed. It was only when Violet looked at him struggling that she understood what was going on with her guest as he casually lounged against the wall.

Nathan was wearing one of her sheets wrapped around his lithe body in a makeshift toga. A tinfoil halo laid crookedly on his shaggy head. Violet also took notice of the outline of his member under the sheet. She couldn't help but gawk knowing he was naked. He didn't bother with the wings, as if he was “angel” enough for what he thought he was doing.

Violet laughed out loud and covered her mouth to hide mirthful giggles. Tears sprang to her eyes, and at one point she felt out of breath. Nathan, meanwhile, had a crimson climb up over his face. His eyes betrayed that for once maybe there was some sort of embarrassment going on. He crossed his arms self-consciously and rolled his eyes.

“Are ye done having a laugh?!” just a smidge of hurt in his voice. “Last time turn myself inta a sexy angel!” Nathan jerked his hips and sneered.

“You look so cute! You halo did me in! Be honest,” Violet pursed her lips to express another giggle, “What are you doing?” She could feel the answer before he said it.

Nathan waltzed over to just a few feet from Violet. He ran a hand down the length of his body with mischief in his eyes, “Who me? I go on top, love.”

“Not if I have a say in it.”

Nathan’s mouth hung open in disbelief. “What if I get there first?”

“I've got way more experience than you do. And I always come out on top.”

There was electricity in the air.

“Key word being come,” Nathan’s voice came out sleepier than usual.

His eyes drifted from Violet’s down to her mouth then back up as he teeth bit his entire bottom lip. If that was meant to be seductive it worked.

Violet felt out of her body when she clung to the back of Nathan’s neck so she could bring his mouth down to hers. Their tongues doing battle as she got her fingers wrapped up in the back of his head. Nathan’s strong hands on the curve of her waist so that he could bring her lower half onto the bulge under the sheet. She moaned unintentionally into his mouth.

Nathan was a little aggressive the way he almost choked Violet with his tongue. She bit into it between playful and defensive causing him to back off. Only breaking the kiss to remove her shirt. Their bodies molded together again as they made out in the living room.,

His hands kept flitting over her body in quick succession like he couldn't decide between her shoulder blades or her ass. Making up his mind instead to start fumbling around with the clasp of her bra. To Violet’s delight and surprise he managed to unhook the thing and helped her slide it off.

In a whirlwind Nathan picked Violet up so that she could wrap her long legs around his thin body. Violet took note that he was stronger than he looked as they stumbled through the hall. Tongues at war again while Nathan crashed Violet into a wall where he devoured one of her breasts.

“Ow,” she winced but giggled into his mouth. Her nails deep into the skin of his shoulders and neck for balance.

“Not sorry,” Nathan mumbled.

He bit at a nipple harshly before sucking on it and repeated this back and forth. Growling into her chest with his face inside her cleavage. Violet laughed louder than she meant to at the absurdity.

“OI!” Nathan cried, but joined in the laughter this time.

Now they lumbered towards the bedroom, Violet tugged on his hair and cried out as his tongue flicked and devoured her nipples softer than before. Once inside, Nathan literally threw Violet back on to her bed towards the pillows.

“What the fuck?!” Her face hurt from smiling and laughter. Afraid of what might happen to her expensive Versace panties, she took them off before Nathan could tear into the fabric himself.

Violet bit her finger, her skin goose-pimpled in the cold air of her apartment. Her patience began to grow somewhat thin even as her sex started to pulsate at the sight of Nathan’s erection under the toga he fought with.

“Do you want help?” she offered.

Nathan waved her off and it fell to the floor. His cock surprised her with the still attached foreskin strained against the head. Then she remembered most European guys were still intact.

Violet's view was mostly a short one because Nathan crawled across the bed towards her. That Lord of Chaos shit eating grin from ear to ear as he palmed her knees. He spread them till they touched the sheets. He sucked on her collarbone and pumped a finger or two deep inside Violet. The palm of his hand meeting her sex causing her to buck unexpectedly while he repeated himself a few times. Her actions only encouraged him to keep going

“Where did you learn any of this foreplay? Porn? Trial and error? Juvenile girls with low standards?”

“D. All of the above.” He groaned into Violet’s neck. Fingers still gliding in and out of her.

“Have you ever been with an older woman?”

Nathan startled Violet by staring at her all of a sudden. “How old is older woman?”

Violet grimaced, “Nope. Nevermind.”

Before long, Nathan stopped using his hand and all too hastily started to lap at Violet. His tongue swift and sloppy over her sex not even bothering to find her clit. Rapidly he licked at her slit like she was an ice cream he tried to eat before it melted. It wasn't unpleasant but it wasn't exactly getting her off.

“Nathan?” she cried out the question. “NATHAN!” louder.

He raised his head, mouth glossed with her wetness. “Ahyep?” His eyes heavy with desire.

“This is oral sex, Lucky Charms. Not a fucking pie eating contest. Slow down and put your mouth here,” she brushed fingers over the top of her sex and spread it enough to show him her clit.

Nathan’s eyes widened and followed her finger to the bud of nerves she all but pointed at. “So that's what it looks like,” he marveled.

Violet glanced heavenwards but a part of her felt bad. “I'm being serious, has no woman EVER told you how to get her off?”

Nathan littered her thighs with kisses from the knee towards her pelvis. Making his way up the other to the opposite knee. He smiled at the way Violet’s body arched into the sensation. “Nah. Usually get a quick toss in then never see ‘em again. Marnie was my first missus.”

“Well then just use the tip of your tongue and make small circles.” Her breath caught when Nathan obeyed. “You can suck on.. Like. Fuck,” her hips writhed under his mouth “and just..” she mewled and lost concentration.

He caught on quickly. The rhythm of his tongue matched the way Violet rocked herself into mouth. More and more rapid he worked his tongue between circles and sucking. His actions and her wrapped up in a cycle of give and receiving

Violet vibrated. One hand clawed at Nathan’s neck. The other clutched the headboard as she felt electricity course through her. She bent forward at the power of her unexpected orgasm. The hood of her sex contracted around his tongue, liquified, she screamed his name.

Nathan pushed himself up and laid down on top of Violet before she could get her bearings. His tongue deep inside her mouth again as the head of his cock twitched and poked at her cunt.

“Na-Nathan, what are you doing?” she managed to catch her breath.

“Getting a toss in. Ye had yours, now it’s time t’give us a go. Right?” he teased her with the head slick already with his pre-cum.

“Not without a condom you don't.” Violet wedged her hands between her chest and Nathan’s to push him away. She searched around in her nightstand drawer, hyper-aware of the immaculate knife placed back inside. A flash of his dead body, but she held up a condom instead.

A kiss puckered on lips that fell. “A what?”

“You don't have condoms in Europe?” her eyebrow curved.

“Well sure but I've never used one.”

Nathan was so matter of fact it took Violet by surprise. Still, he took the package from her, hesitating to open it. He was rather tentative about what was inside.

“You've got to be fucking joking,” Violet took the rubber from him in haste and rolled her eyes. “I don't know where your dick has been.”

Nathan kneeled over her legs, his cock at perfect attention. “Aw COME ON!” he whined. “They're mostly clean council estate girls! Once there was one of those Thai ladyboys,” he stroked his chin, “but I didn't even realize my cock wasn't in a fanny”

“Fuck me.”

“I'M TRYING, SWEETHEART!! NO ONE’S EVER SHOWN ME HOW T’PUT ONE ON!”

Violet softened once more and sighed. She laid the condom on her chest and took Nathan by the waist to make him scoot towards her. For shits n giggles she raked her nails down his hips and he buckled with slight pain and pleasure. Violet smirked but took his cock in one hand while rolling the rubber over the shaft and down to the base expertly. She kissed his stomach, erection twitching as he came in proximity to get mouth.

Violet traced a fingertip over the stars he had tattooed down his pelvic bone. “What the hell possessed you?” She gazed up at him through her bangs.

Nathan caressed her cheek down to her lips where Violet sucked on his finger. She nipped playfully at it waiting for an answer. “It's shooting stars (stairs) all the way down t’ the milky fucking way”

Violet immediately regretted her decision to ask. Again. She had to remind herself he wasn't immature per se, more like stunted. Nathan had a good heart under the cushion of sarcasm and arrogance. A heart she placed the palm of her hand against to feel its steady beat.

“I'm only joking. Was a good place t’ hide it from mum. We can shag now right?”

Violet laid back on the pillows and opened up to him. Without hesitation, Nathan plowed into her. That pelvic bone collided with Violet’s as the breath escaped her lungs. Sweat gleamed along his chest and forehead mixed with the scent of her sex as his pace became almost ludicrous. There was pounding and diving into the hilt. As far inside of Violet as she allowed.

This is actually ok, she thought to herself as she attempted to match his speed and failed.

Violet laid under Nathan while he rutted like a wild animal. Breathless and panting as he attempted multitasking: Kissing her and fucking her. He failed at least one and opted to immerse himself in her hair as his body spasmed a release so violent and sudden all that escaped Nathan's throat was a strangled cry.

He collapsed on the pillows beside Violet and almost immediately passed out. She merely snorted, rolled away to check the time. It was then she felt soft, cold pinpoints on her bare arms and chest and hair. What was going on outside in the Nevada desert she registered as happening inside her bedroom.

Violet rolled over to face her lover. Snowflakes covered his bangs and long eyelashes. She held out her hands to catch giant fluffy flakes. Those same flakes fell inches high on her balcony but nowhere else. Violet snuggled into the chest of the man who slept beside her. Lost in his ecstasy, it appeared that he made it snow.

Nathan had given Violet her first white christmas.

[hh-rose]

Get Myself Back

ao3

playlist

Call him crazy, but Bucky assumed that when he came back from being turned to dust, he and Steve were finally going to get their happy ending. It would’ve been poetic. It was sappy, and Bucky was hardly a sap, but he thought he could allow being a sap this one time. 

Their story was already poetic and sappy and beautiful. Best friends who were always in love, but never together, torn apart by war and death. Best friend comes back from the dead but is horribly brainwashed and evil. Brainwashed assassin gets unbrainwashed just in time to get turned into dust. Then, of course, he comes back from being turned to dust. 

If Bucky was being completely honest, it seemed like a complete waste to not get a happy ending after that. He knew they had to take advantage of it because God only knew if they were going to get another chance. So, when everything died down, and Steve told Bucky that they needed to talk, Bucky expected it to be the happy ending talk. 

Call him crazy, but Bucky wasn’t expecting the conversation that he received. 

...

Bucky walked into the guest room he and Steve were sharing at Tony’s cabin just like he was asked to. He honest to God expected Steve to be on his goddamn knee when he walked in, no matter how cheesy that was. Instead, he saw a very distraught Steve pacing back and forth. 

“Steve?” Bucky asked. “What’s going on? What did you want to talk about?”

“I’m going to put the stones back where they belong,” Steve explained. Weird way to start this conversation, Bucky thought to himself.

“Do you want me to come with you?” he questioned. Steve stopped pacing and looked at Bucky. 

“No, no, you have to stay here,” Steve stated. Bucky’s eyebrows shot up toward his hairline. 

“And why’s that? Since when do we go on missions alone?”

“I’m staying in the past,” Steve said, looking straight into Bucky’s eyes. Bucky’s eyebrows fell back down into a straight furrow. “I’m staying in the forties with Peggy.”

“Peggy?” Bucky tested the name on his tongue. “I’m sorry. What?”

“She’s the love of my life, Buck.”

“She’s the what?”

“I thought you would be happy for me,” Steve said sadly.

“Happy? Happy? Why the hell would I be happy about this?” Bucky questioned angrily. “You’re throwing everything away to be with someone who you knew for a week? She’s not the love of your fucking life. You don’t even know her!”

“Bucky,” Steve chastised, shaking his head. “I love her. I would give up the world for her.”

“Yeah, well, last I checked, the only person you gave up the world for was me,” Bucky stated, biting his tongue afterward. He felt tears beginning to come up. “Why are you leaving me? I don’t understand. Am I not enough?”

“You’re perfect, Bucky,” Steve said, pushing some of Bucky’s hair behind his ear. Bucky backed away from him. “It’s just that I think it’s time that I take a nice retirement.”

“You can’t retire with me? You can’t have a happy life with me?”

“Buck.”

“When are you going?”

“Tomorrow morning.”

“So we have tonight?” Bucky asked. Steve nodded. “I can’t convince you to stay. I know that. I deserve more than one night. I deserve to be happy and in love for the rest of my life, but I’ll settle for tonight. I assume that that’s something you want to, otherwise you wouldn’t have told me.”

“You deserve more,” Steve stated. Bucky entered into his space.

“Yeah, I do,” Bucky responded, lips not an inch away from Steve’s. He held Steve’s t-shirt in his hands. “But I deserve a proper goodbye as well.”

...

Steve left and came back in a matter of seconds. He lived a whole goddamn life, but it was only a few seconds for Bucky. Bucky was seething with rage the entire time. He knew that it must’ve seemed odd that he wasn’t going crazy with worry, and he knew it was completely out of character for him to send Sam to Steve first.

“Did you know?” Sam quietly asked Bucky when he was done talking to Steve. Bucky just nodded silently. “You should go talk to him.”

“I really, really don’t want to,” Bucky replied. Sam made a disappointed face, but Bucky didn’t have the energy for that either. “Fine.”

“Buck,” Steve said happily when Bucky sat down on the bench next to him. “I missed you.” Bucky only hummed in response. “You didn’t miss me?”

“You were only gone a few seconds,” Bucky said flatly. 

“Are you mad at me?”

“No,” Bucky answered. He let out a breathy laugh. “I don’t really care. I’m numb right now.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re not, and that’s okay. It’s your life, and clearly, I don’t have a place in that anymore.”

“You’re always going to have a place in my life.”

“Really?” Bucky questioned sarcastically. “Is that so? Then, I’m sure this will be an easy question to answer. When you were back in the past, did you try to save me? Your best friend, your previous lover, who was being tortured, did you try to save him?”

“I…” Steve began. “I couldn’t. You know that. I couldn’t mess up time like that.”

“So you were fine with completely uprooting Peggy’s life, but you couldn’t be bothered to go get me? That’s fine, Steve. If you didn’t care enough to help me, that’s okay, but fucking own up to it,” Bucky told him. 

“I do love you. I…I did,” Steve assured him. Bucky nodded. 

“I know. Just not as much as you loved her, and not nearly enough as I loved you.”

...

It was only a few days later that Steve died. It’s not like they weren’t expecting it; he was exceptionally old. Another funeral wasn’t exactly what the group needed at the time, but they put one on nonetheless. 

It was a nice service. Not that Bucky would know as he was completely shitfaced the entire time. He stayed quiet for the most part. That was until the dinner afterward. Everyone was eating and telling their favorite stories about Steve. Bucky took a sip of his drink, smiled, and put it down on the table.

“You have a story to share, Bucky?” Scott asked. 

“Yes, I do,” Bucky slurred. “I came out to Steve when we were fifteen years old. It just kind of happened. I wouldn’t have planned to do it. It was the fucking thirties. Anyway, before he had the courage to come out to me, he said, ‘I still love you, Buck. I’m never gonna leave you. I’m with you till the end of the line.’”

“That’s sweet,” Wanda offered, but Bucky didn’t pay her any mind. 

“Til the end of the fucking line. That was his little phrase. He said to me all the time. Every time I was sad or in danger, ‘til the end of the line,’” Bucky said with a bitter laugh. “He didn’t say it to me again before he died. The one time I needed to hear it. He just fucking left me. First, for her, and then he just fucking died. ‘Til the end of the line my ass.”

“Bucky,” Sam cut in, eyes wide and upset. He watched Bucky down the rest of his drink. “I think that’s enough for tonight. Why don’t we head home?”

“What fucking home?” Bucky asked, causing everyone to look at him. “I lived alone in a shack in Wakanda. Of course, we could always go back to Steve’s apartment that I lived in for quite some time as well.”

“My place. We can go to my place,” Sam told him. 

“I’m not a fucking baby, pigeon,” Bucky spat. “I don’t need you to take care of me.”

“I know that,” Sam said softly. “Let’s just go, okay?”

“Fine, but I’m drinking there,” Bucky agreed. Sam groaned and helped Bucky up, out of the hall, and into the car. He was complaining the whole time, but eventually, he passed out in the passenger seat. 

“Bucky,” Sam said, shaking him when they arrived at Sam’s apartment complex. He realized that that wasn’t going to work, so he decided to just get out of the car and help. He managed to get Bucky to his feet and start walking up to his apartment. 

“He left me,” Bucky murmured so low that Sam wasn’t sure he heard him right. Sam pressed the button to the elevator and stepped inside, Bucky still heavily leaning on him. “He left me, Sam.”

“I know,” Sam whispered back. He had never seen Bucky this vulnerable, and he felt like he was intruding for a number of reasons. 

“I loved him so much,” Bucky whispered back as the elevator doors opened. Neither one of them said anything as they walked to Sam’s apartment. Once they got inside, Sam led Bucky to his bedroom. 

“Alright, let’s lay you down here,” Sam said, sitting Bucky down on the bed, but Bucky resisted. 

“No,” he groaned. “Couch. This is your bed.”

“It’s okay, Bucky. You can take the bed tonight,” Sam assured him. Bucky nodded and laid down. “Do you need anything else?”

“‘M good,” Bucky replied. Sam turned to leave the room, but he heard Bucky whisper, “I loved him so much, Sam, but I wasn’t good enough.”

Sam nodded sadly before shutting off the light and closing the door. He wasn’t entirely sure what he had gotten himself into, but he did know that it was Captain America’s job to take care of Bucky Barnes. 

...

Sam was up early the next morning. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. “Up early” implies that he went to sleep at all, and “sleep” was an over-exaggeration for his restless night on his living room couch. Either way, he was exhausted sitting at his kitchen counter anxiously waiting for Bucky to wake up. He knew that they needed to talk, but he also knew that Bucky was not big on talking. 

“Wilson?” Sam heard Bucky’s groggy voice from the hallway. He then appeared in the kitchen. “What the hell happened?”

“You drank three times your body weight,” Sam explained, getting up to pour Bucky a cup of coffee. Bucky sat down across from Sam at the counter and accepted the drink. 

“I’m not even able to get drunk,” Bucky murmured. 

“Well, you could’ve fooled me,” Sam replied with a smirk. Bucky glared at him. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No,” Bucky stated flatly. Sam nodded. Then he yawned. “Tired?”

“Extremely. The couch isn’t exactly the best place to sleep,” Sam responded, taking a sip of his coffee. “And that is precisely why we’re moving.”

“What?” Bucky asked, eyes wide. Sam chuckled lightly. 

“We’re gonna get a two-bedroom,” Sam told him. “I’m not taking no for an answer. Not that you would have any reason to say no. I’m just giving you a roof over your head. It’s a kindness really.”

“Oh, shut up,” Bucky said, but he was smiling. “You really want to live with me?”

“No,” Sam replied plainly, but then his face cracked into a grin. Bucky smiled back, and that was just the beginning. 

...

It didn’t take Sam and Bucky long to find an apartment they liked. They moved into their new place less than a week after they decided to move in together. Living together was definitely the right call. This way Sam could keep an eye on Bucky at all times. 

Bucky wasn’t doing well. Not that that was a surprise because he hadn’t been doing well since the forties. He wasn’t okay before, and Steve leaving shattered whatever was left of him. Sam knew that if he left Bucky to his own devices, it would’ve been a disaster. 

It had been months since Steve when Sam had had enough. At first, he really wanted Bucky to cope however was necessary, but after a while, Sam knew that it needed to stop. He came to this startling realization in the middle of the night when he heard crying and things crashing coming from the bathroom. 

“Bucky?” Sam asked, terrified as he walked closer to the bathroom. He pushed the door open and saw Bucky standing in front of the mirror. There were tears streaming down his face, and he was holding Sam’s electric razor.

“He loved my hair,” Bucky said angrily. He was looking at Sam through the mirror. “He loved it when we were kids, and he loved it before he left. His hands were always in it, and that is the only thing I can think of when I look in the mirror.”

“Okay,” Sam replied, nodding. “Do you want me to help?”

“Would you mind?” Bucky asked, looking into Sam’s eyes through the glass. Sam smiled softly. Bucky already knew the answer to the question. Sam stepped forward and took the clippers from Bucky’s hand. 

“How short are we talking?” Sam questioned, inspecting Bucky’s hair. 

“Buzzcut,” Bucky replied. Sam’s heart broke a little bit but he did as he was told. 

Sam was being incredibly careful as he touched and cut Bucky’s hair. He knew that this was something that Bucky was vulnerable about, and he didn’t want to trigger him in any way. It was incredibly hard to do that, though, when Bucky would roll his neck like that. 

“All done,” Sam said, voice barely above a whisper. Whatever the hell just happened was the most intimate thing they ever did, and it was greatly affecting Sam. He finally looked at Bucky’s full head in the mirror, and that affected him even more. “You like it? Did I do a good job?”

“I love it,” Bucky answered, moving closer to the mirror. He rubbed his head and smiled to himself. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” Sam said with a smile. He left the bathroom and went to his room. He threw himself onto the bed with a huff. “Fuck.”

...

Obviously, after that whole mess, Sam knew that he needed to do something. He needed to help Bucky. He also knew that there was something new to how he felt about Bucky, but now was not the time to worry about that. His only concern was helping the man who was currently sitting on the couch after a mission that exhausted both of them.

“Man, I am wiped,” Bucky said, putting his feet up on the coffee table. “Maybe I’ll actually sleep through the night tonight.”

Sam hummed, but he hated what that statement suggested. He hated that Bucky wasn’t sleeping. He hated all of it. He knew that it was now or never.

“Did Steve ever tell you about Riley? My Riley?” Sam asked. Bucky raised an eyebrow at him, and Sam took that as a no. “He was my best friend. Somewhere along the line, we fell in love, and he became my entire world. I loved him with my entire being.

“He died when we were in the Air Force together. It absolutely destroyed me. It was the worst and darkest time in my life,” Sam explained. “I didn’t think I would ever get out of that place. He was my person, and he wasn’t there to help me anymore. Being with him, talking to him, it would make me feel better immediately, and I didn’t have that anymore. So, I wrote him a letter, and it helped. I got closure. I miss him every single day, but it doesn’t hurt like it used to.”

“I’m sorry, Sam,” Bucky said softly. Sam smiled at him. “Did the letter really help?”

“It did,” Sam told him. “I can’t promise you that it’ll help you the same way it helped me, but I do think that maybe you should try. Just give it a try, okay?”

“Anything for you, Sammy my boy,” Bucky replied, grinning. Sam rolled his eyes.

“Shut up, Barnes. I’m going to shower,” Sam said, pushing Bucky’s shoulder before getting off the couch. He heard Bucky clear his throat, and he turned around. 

“Thank you,” Bucky said genuinely. He looked Sam in the eyes, and that feeling of intimacy from the night before hit them both again. 

“Anything for you, Bucky my boy.”

...

It was a few hours later, and Bucky was sitting on his bed with a notebook on his lap. He ripped out yet another page, crumpled it up, and groaned. He took a deep breath and started again.

Dear Steve,

I’ve tried to start this about ten times, but I keep starting over. I’m not gonna start over this time though. I have a lot of feelings about all of this, and as we both know, I’m not great with feelings. I need to get it all out though.

 I don’t want to be mad at you. I have never been mad at you, but there have been so many times when you deserved for me to be mad at you. I loved you too much, though. I loved you too much to see that what you were doing warranted me being mad. I loved you too much, and you were too selfish. 

 You were always selfish from day one. You were sick, and you said you were fine because you wanted to play football with the rest of us. You got pneumonia after that, Steve. You could’ve died.  

 You got into fights with people who could have easily killed you because you wanted to. You didn’t care that your ma cried herself to sleep at night because she was so worried about you. You didn’t care that I was terrified to find you dead in some alley.  

 Then, you kept trying to get into the war even though you knew that you would die. You were going to die, Stevie. There was no other way. I was selfish at that point. I was so happy that they wouldn’t let you fight. I didn’t want you to die. Do you see the difference, Steve? I was selfish because I wanted you to live. I was selfish for you. 

 Then, you showed up all not you. You changed yourself because you wanted something so badly. You didn’t change yourself because you wanted to save the world. You just wanted the glory. You were selfish. 

 Then, a century later, you broke laws because you were selfish. Don’t tell me that you did that for me. I would have believed you if you told me that a few years ago, but not now. I know better now. 

 I wish you did it for me. I hoped for years that one day, one day you would be selfish for me. For us. I thought that you felt the same way. I thought that you were finally ready to settle down with me after everything that happened. You had one last piece of selfishness in you, and I thought you were going to use it for us. 

 But, of course, you used it for her. How could I be so stupid? How could I expect you to ever put anyone before yourself? Did you know that she had a family? She had kids, kids who don’t exist anymore thanks to you. You messed up the entire universe because you wanted to fuck some dame you met a hundred years ago.  

 So, yeah, now I’m mad, and I have every right to be mad. I love you. I loved you. I’ll probably always love you, but I really don’t want to be in this pain anymore. I don’t want to be in agony anymore. I want to let this all go. 

 I don’t forgive you. I’m not ready for that yet, and I’m not sure when that is going to be. I do know that I love you, and I hate hating you. I hate how I feel. I know that you loved me. Even though that wasn’t enough to keep you here, it is enough to get me through the day.

 I’m going to have a good life. I am. I’ll keep our memories (the good ones) with me until the end, but I think that it might be time to put that behind me. I’ll put you in a little box in my mind where you’ll be happy, and I’ll get to be happy too. 

 I hope that you had a nice life without me. I’m sure that sounds very bitter, but it’s only a little bitter. That’s what you do for the people you love, Steve. You hope that they’re happy, even if it’s not with you. 

 Wow, I really thought I was done, but I just can’t seem to end this. I guess I just miss talking to you. I miss you every second of the day, and I’m always going to miss you. It’s okay though. It’s all going to be okay. I’m going to move on, and everything is going to be fine. I’m going to be fine, Steve. I’m going to be fine without you. 

 You were the one who decided that this was the end of the line, and now I’m deciding that I’m not with you anymore. 

 Sincerely, 

Bucky 

Bucky closed the notebook and slept through the night for the first time in months. 

...

Sam didn’t want to say that Bucky was magically healed, but he was certainly better than he was before. He was smiling and laughing, and it was making Sam’s heart fucking soar. Bucky was sitting next to him on the couch laughing at the movie they were watching, and Sam couldn’t stop staring at him.

“What are you looking at, Wilson?” Bucky asked, not looking away from the tv. Sam’s face heated up so much that he thought he was on fire. 

“Just admiring my handiwork,” Sam explained, turning his attention to Bucky’s hair, which was growing in nicely. 

“Oh, yeah?” Bucky asked, turning his head to face Sam at last. “You think it looks good?”

“Yeah,” Sam replied softly, internally freaking out. “It looks real good, Bucky.”

“Yeah?” Bucky questioned, voice just above a whisper. He made eye contact with Sam, and something just changed in the air. “It’s really soft now that it’s short.”

“Can I...Can I, uh…?” Sam tried to ask, but it didn’t come out. Bucky just smiled at him and nodded. Sam bit his lip and slid his hand into Bucky’s hair. “You’re right. It’s very soft.”

“Thank you,” Bucky said, biting his lip to stop himself from smiling.

“Hey, don’t do that,” Sam told him. Bucky raised an eyebrow at him. “I like it when you smile.”

“Haven’t had much of a reason to smile recently, but, um, you helped me with that,” Bucky explained. Sam’s fingers tightened in his hair, and his eyes fluttered closed. 

“Glad I could help,” Sam whispered, face only a few inches away from Bucky’s where they were sitting turned into each other on the couch.

“It would help even more if you kissed me,” Bucky stated. Sam’s eyes went wide before his pupils enlarged. 

“Are you sure?” he asked. 

“Positive. Kiss me.” 

Sam took a deep breath before leaning forward and connecting his lips with Bucky’s. They were both hesitant at first, but when Bucky made an attempt to deepen the kiss, Sam immediately allowed for it to happen. He pushed Bucky down so he was lying on the couch was Sam leaning over him. 

“You’re still sure?” Sam asked, hovering for a moment. 

“If you don’t get your pretty face down here and kiss me, I’m going to break your wings.”

“Aw, you think my face is pretty,” Sam said, ducking down to give Bucky a chaste kiss on the cheek. He smirked before moving down to kiss Bucky’s neck. 

“Oh my God,” Bucky groaned. He could feel his pants getting tighter, and he was embarrassed for a second until he bucked up and realized they were in the same boat. 

Sam pushed Bucky’s hips down with his own and ground slightly, not wanting to move too fast. Bucky pulled Sam’s face up to his lips again, and Sam happily obliged. His hands began to wander down Bucky’s torso until they found the waistband of his boxers.

“Don’t ask me if I’m sure again,” Bucky said between pants. “I’m fucking positive. Do whatever you want as long as you’re okay with it.”

“You got it, Sergeant,” Sam responded, and the moan he received made him almost die. “Like that?”

“Yes,” Bucky whispered. Sam smiled to himself before placing a light kiss on Bucky’s lips. His lips then began to trail to where his hands currently were. 

“You’re in for the night of your life, Sergeant Barnes.”

...

Needless to say, that was not the only time that happened. It became a pretty regular thing between the two of them. They hadn’t really talked about it, which Sam, ever the therapist, wasn’t happy with, but he wasn’t exactly ready to stop doing it. 

“Buck,” Sam said in between moans as Bucky kissed greedily at Sam’s neck. “Maybe we should talk.”

“I think I’d much rather keep doing what I’m doing, thanks,” Bucky replied into the skin he was sucking at. Sam rolled his eyes, from both pleasure and annoyance. 

“Bucky,” Sam breathed out. Bucky pulled away and looked Sam in the eye.

“Look, Sam, we don’t have to do this if you don’t want, but I’m pretty sure you’re enjoying yourself,” Bucky informed, smirking as he ran his hand up Sam’s thigh. “Sure, we could talk, or I could do the tongue thing.”

“The tongue thing?” Sam asked, knowing exactly what Bucky was referring to. Bucky smirked and nodded. Sam bit his lip. “That’s not fair, Barnes. You know I can’t say no to that.”

“I know full well, darlin’,” Bucky replied, kissing behind Sam’s ear. 

“We’ll talk tomorrow,” Sam stated. Bucky nodded in a “yeah, sure, whatever you say” way. “Now, get down there.”

“Aye, aye, Captain.”

“Jesus fucking Christ.”

...

Sam planned to stick to his word, even if Bucky didn’t have that same plan. So, the next night when Bucky sat down next to Sam on the couch, fully prepared to repeat the events of the night before, Sam stopped him.

“So, we’re actually gonna talk?” Bucky asked.

“Yeah,” Sam responded. Bucky groaned and not in the way that normally made Sam’s stomach flip. “This is really fun, and I really care about you. But, um, I want more.”

“More?” Bucky asked. 

“More,” Sam confirmed. “I want a real relationship.”

“Oh, so you want to stop this so that you can get into a real relationship.”

“What? No, of course, not. I want a real relationship with you,” Sam explained. Bucky’s eyes went wide, and he jumped off the couch and started pacing. Sam remained sitting. “If that’s something you’re interested in, obviously. And, if it’s about not being ready, I can wait until you’re ready. I just want to know if there’s any chance at us having a future.”

“There’s not,” Bucky said plainly, not looking at Sam. Now, it was Sam’s turn to stand up. 

“What?”

“Come on, Sam. We both know what this is,” Bucky told him, turning around to look at Sam. “We started this as a way to make me feel better after Steve, and you know it.”

“That’s not why I started it,” Sam replied softly and sincerely. Bucky let out a bitter laugh. 

“Well, it’s why I started it,” Bucky informed him. “That’s all you are, Sam. You’re just a replacement for Captain America, for the whole world, but especially for me. And you know that deep down all I am is a replacement for Riley.”

Bucky regretted it the moment it left his mouth. He had no idea what had taken over him in that moment. He didn’t believe any of those things. He cared so much about Sam, and the look on Sam’s face shattered Bucky’s heart into a million pieces. 

“I’m gonna go,” Bucky said. Sam nodded, but then his eyes went wide. 

“Wait, no, where are you gonna go?” Sam asked, worried. 

“Just for a walk,” Bucky responded. “I’ll be back.”

“Okay,” Sam said, and with that, Bucky was gone. Sam flopped down onto the couch that Bucky picked out for their apartment. “Fuck.”

...

Two hours later, Sam was positive that Bucky was never coming back. He told himself that Bucky must’ve cut his losses and moved on. Sam fucked everything up, and he knew it. He felt it too. He felt like absolute shit as he sat in Bucky’s bed wearing the hoodie that Bucky always told him was his favorite of Sam’s. He was about to start crying when he heard a knock on the door. He got up from the bed, unaware of who could possibly be at the door.

“Hey,” Bucky greeted when Sam opened the door. “I forgot my key. Sorry.”

“No worries,” Sam responded, walking away from the door to let Bucky in. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and started walking towards his room. 

“It took me a long time to teach myself that I deserved love,” Bucky blurted out. Sam slowly turned around. “After a while, I really believed that I did. Steve, he, uh made me believe that I did. I wanted to die when I woke up. I deserved to die, but he told me that I was worth the world, and I believed him. I believed him, and then he fucking left me. He took that belief with him. If the only other person who believed I deserved to be loved left me, then I knew that I didn’t deserve anything. He fought for me, and then he gave up on me. I gave up on myself too.

“Then, um, I realized that he never fought for me. It was never for me,” Bucky explained. “I came to terms with that part of it. I still wasn’t sure about the whole ‘deserving love’ thing quite yet, but then there was you. You helped me when I was in my darkest place, and it wasn’t for you. You helped me because you wanted me to be better. Steve never did that. He saved me so that he could have me. You helped me because you wanted me to get myself back.

“I know that I deserve love, and so do you. You are the kindest to ever exist. You deserve to be Captain America, probably more than Steve did. You’re not a replacement for anything, and I know that I’m not either. I know that, and I’m so sorry that I let you believe anything else. If you still want, we can have a future together because as far as I’m concerned, there isn’t a universe where you aren’t in my life for the long run, Sam Wilson,” Bucky stated, finishing his little speech. He was looking into Sam’s eyes but Sam was just standing there not saying anything. Then, Sam broke eye contact by looking at the floor. 

“After Riley died, I never thought I was going to love anyone ever again,” Sam stated. “And that was okay because I thought that he was the love of my life. I know now that sometimes you’re lucky enough to have more than one great love in your life. I only know that because of you. I didn’t know it was possible until I met you.

“You’re not a replacement for Riley, and you never will be. I’m always going to love Riley, and you’re always going to Steve. That doesn’t mean that we can’t love each other,” Sam explained. He smiled. “I do, by the way. I do love you, so much.”

“Oh, God, I love you so fucking much, Sam,” Bucky said, face splitting into a grin. “I need you to know that you’re not less than Steve in any way.”

“I know,” Sam said softly. He took a few steps forward so he was closer to Bucky. He played with the hem of Bucky’s shirt. “You love me?”

“I love you,” Bucky whispered back. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“When did you turn into such a sap, Barnes?”

“The moment I laid eyes on you, sweetheart,” Bucky joked, but he gave Sam a sweet kiss on the cheek all the same. “What do you say, Sammy? Wanna consummate this new relationship?”

“I don’t think that’s how that works at all, but yes, I do,” Sam replied, chuckling lightly before leaning forward to kiss Bucky.

...

Several hours later,  Bucky was nuzzled under Sam’s arm in Sam’s bed. Well, he supposed that it was probably going to be their bed from now on. With that thought in his mind, he drifted into a deep sleep.

Bucky was back in his Brooklyn apartment in the forties. He smiled to himself as he looked around. Then, he saw a shadow in his old room. 

“Hello?” Bucky asked, moving toward his room.

“Hey, Buck,” a voice said. All of the sudden, Steve, young Steve, was standing in front of Bucky. “I missed ya, jerk.”

“You’re dead,” Bucky said incredulously. “You died.”

“This is very clearly a dream,” Steve informed him. “It’s me, and I’m talking to you, but you’re asleep.”

“Oh.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, please don’t.”

“I am sorry though,” Steve stated. “Extremely. The way I treated you was horrible, and I feel awful. I don’t regret what we had, I don’t regret our time together, but I also don’t regret my time with Peggy.”

“Okay.”

“I really did love you,” Steve said. “And I miss you more than words can say.”

“I miss you too, Steve, and I love you. I’ll always love you, but I really do think that it’s time to put you in the past,” Bucky stated, a tear falling from his eye. “It’s time for me to get my happy ending or middle or whatever. It’s time for me to live my life without you.”

“With Sam,” Steve said, a grin taking over his face. Bucky blushed. “I’m happy for you, both of you.”

“Yeah?”

“Of course.”

“Thank you,” Bucky said, voice just above a whisper. 

“I hope you have a very happy life, Buck.”

“I think I will,” Bucky replied, looking down at the floor trying to hide his smile. “I’ll see you on the other side, pal.”

“Hopefully a long, long time from now.”

...

Bucky woke up with a smile on his face, but that smile went away when he realized that Sam wasn’t with him in bed anymore. He rubbed his eyes and groaned before getting out of the bed. When he walked out into the hallway, he smelled food cooking. The smile returned. 

Sam was standing in front of the stove diligently cooking eggs just how he knew Bucky liked them. He was wearing sweats and no shirt, and Bucky’s heart skipped. He quietly walked up to him, wrapped his arms around his waist, and planted a kiss on the back of his neck. 

“Sleep good?” Sam asked, turning his face so that Bucky could kiss him. 

“Very,” Bucky responded against Sam’s lips. Sam smiled and Bucky kissed him again. 

“What’s got you so romantic this morning?” Sam asked, turning back to his eggs.

“Just love you is all,” Bucky explained, tightening his arms around Sam’s waist and hooking his chin over Sam’s shoulder. 

“I like hearing you say that,” Sam whispered.

“I like saying it,” Bucky whispered back. “I’m sure I’d like to hear you say it even more though, sweetheart.”

“I love you, old man,” Sam said with a smile. Bucky rolled his eyes. He pulled away with a groan.

“Nah, you hate me,” Bucky joked, sitting down at the counter. Sam rolled his eyes and put the eggs on a plate for Bucky.

“If I hated you, would I go out of my way to make your disgusting ass over easy eggs?” Sam asked, putting the place in front of Bucky.

“Maybe,” Bucky pouted. Sam raised his eyebrows at him. “Fine, maybe you love me.”

“Mhm,” Sam responded. 

“Hey,” Bucky said, grabbing Sam’s hand before he went back to the stove to make his own breakfast. “I want to have happy mornings like this for the rest of our lives.”

“I can make that happen,” Sam said, planting a kiss on top of Bucky’s head. 

Call him crazy, but Bucky thought that he finally met his soulmate. In fact, he knew it, and he knew he was going to have the happiest life with Sam. 

[sevensoulmates]

I love your analysis, so I wanted to ask you what you think of Buck's reaction when he hears Shannon tell Eddie that they always end up having s * x when they argue (I really don't remember the dialogue very well sorry) in that Christmas episode? (Also in that scene Chim looks at Buck's reaction), I have always found this moment interesting because of Buck's reaction and I see that almost nobody talks about this.

Okay, so I had to re-watch the episode to really ponder my thoughts on this. Because I think when Buck and Chim initially hear Shannon say that she and Eddie never have any conversations where they don’t end up in bed, their reactions seem equally as shocked given that this is the first either of them have ever seen or heard of Eddie having a romantic (or sexual) relationship with anybody. Up until this point Eddie has been turning down people asking him out left and right, has been as celibate as a monk, and has told Buck that the reason he doesn’t date is because of his son (and because they’re not his type). Now while “not his type” is SUCH a gay innuendo (like come ON) I also take it to mean that he doesn’t want someone flaky. He doesn’t WANT someone who’s just looking for sex. Or to use him for sex. He wants someone who will be there for him and his son, and at this point in time, he doesn’t believe anyone could be that for him. If Christopher’s own mother wouldn’t stay, then why would one of the random bar girls? 

But when Shannon comes back, Eddie thinks for a minute “hey, maybe we could have this connection again. Maybe we could build up something together for Chris again”, and he tries to make it happen quicker by jumping straight into physical intimacy with Shannon. If you wanna dive deeper into how Eddie uses physical intimacy as a way to connect I would highly recommend checking out @himbo-buckley‘s series on Buddie & Love, Sex and Intimacy. 

But by this point we know that Eddie has not been truthful with anyone about Shannon, about the mother of his child, and that includes Buck. So when Buck hears about this, as the person who’s always been curious about Eddie’s love life (writers, come on!) he’s like whu? Someone I didn’t know about? Is THIS the reason Eddie doesn’t date? Why did he lie to me about it?

In the scene where Buck is walking around looking at trees with Chim he says “[Eddie] is sleeping with her but he’s lying about it. It’s like he’s having an affair with his own wife! You don’t think that’s weird?” This scene tells us two things. 

1.) It’s happening in media res (in the middle of the scene), meaning we can infer that Buck was already talking about Eddie and Shannon prior to where we cut to them getting trees. And judging by Chim’s reaction (exasperation, wanting to change the subject), Chim has been trying to get Buck to shut up about it for quite a while before Buck actually does. And we know Chim. He’s a gossip! He loves to hear all the dirty deets of his co-workers and he loves to rib them about it, and yet he couldn’t care less about gossiping about Eddie with Buck. He says it’s none of their business (and he’s right). But Buck obviously feels like it is his business. Because Buck (albeit unconsciously) always feels like Eddie is his business. Has been showing us this since their first episode when he claimed Eddie as “his problem”. 

2.) Buck finds it weird that Eddie felt the need to sleep with his own wife--and hide it from everyone. She’s his wife. It’s well understood that people have sex with their wives. Nothing new. But it’s the hiding part, the shame part, the feeling the need to not tell Buck part, that makes Buck itch. Buck cares an awful lot about the fact that Eddie hid this from him. Because up until this point, Buck assumed that whoever Christopher’s mother was, she’s not in the picture. But now it makes Buck think more. Did Eddie turn down all those other women because he wanted to be with his wife? Even unconsciously? Or was he just holding out hope that one day his wife would come back to him and Chris? Just like Buck was holding on to the hope that Abby would come back to him? 

But why is Buck so invested in Eddie’s love life (and sex life) with his own wife? Why has he been invested in Eddie’s love life for a while now? I don’t think Buck knew why he was so invested. I think he told himself it was genuine concern for his best friend. But then, he never actually asks Eddie about her, as we see in the Santa scene. He plays it cool, acts like he doesn’t know what Eddie’s referring to right away when he brings it up. Says “figured it was none of my business”, he plays it off like he wasn’t badgering Chim about it forever the other day. Tries to look cool and nonchalant in front of Eddie. Almost like one trying to act cool in front of their crush? Not asking them anything about the people they like cause they want to come off like they don’t care?

And this kinda irritates Eddie. Eddie pushes Buck to ask more, he wanted Buck to ask him about it, he wanted to talk to Buck about it, and he was slightly upset that Buck didn’t ask. That seemingly Buck didn’t care enough to ask. Eddie feels the need to explain himself, justify his actions to Buck. And Buck continues to play it cool. Eddie then spills his entire guts, giving Buck all the information he wanted. It’s one of the first time we really see Eddie be vulnerable with Buck and it’s just beautiful. 

I have a hard time laying meaning to this episode beyond Buck and Eddie building up their friendship given how open Tim was about the elf scene being a joke, but even if the elf scene was a just a bone the writers threw to buddie shippers, the part before, where we really witness Eddie be honest for the first time about how he feels, and we see how much he had to have trusted Buck to open up in the first place about the thing he’s most sensitive about in his life? You can’t fake that kind of connection.

[littledarlinwrites]

It Won't Kill Ya

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 2774 

Author's Note: First of all, thank you @teamcap4bucky for hosting your challenge and being so gracious and understanding about life and letting me get this in a bit late, I am so sorry for the delay, but I hope it was worth the wait! (Also, I used the “keep reading” feature before I posted this so hopefully it sticks, in case tumblr eats it, sometimes it doesn’t show for me until it’s shared, a new tumblr issue I’ve noticed) Also, huge thank you to @letstalkaboutsebbaby, doll you are my savior for this fic and helping me work this fic out when I was getting stuck. I love you so much!

Summary: "Why are you so nervous around me?" Will nerves get the best of both of you and ruin something before it even has the chance to start?

Warnings: pining, self deprecating talk/confession, mentions of alcohol

You swore it had been the longest New York winter to date. There had been snow on the ground consistently for the last three months. There had also been a lack of missions lately, as if the criminals had taken a holiday or decided to hibernate through the painfully long winter. All you knew at this point was that is you had to see the same walls inside the Tower for another minute that you were going to go insane. It didn’t help that team bonding night was tonight and currently you were stuck listening to Sam, Steve, and Tony argue over what movie to watch. Well, mainly Sam and Tony arguing, Steve was trying to to keep the two from starting a civil war over their choices. Even Steve’s diplomatic ways were grating on your nerves. You quietly got up from the couch and walked over to the guys yanking both DVD cases out of their hands and chucking them across the room. Tony was about to make some smart remark until he got a look at your face to which he promptly decided he liked his anatomy just the way it was.

“That’s it, we are going out tonight, or so help me, I will grab both of those DVDs and shove them up some unsavory places on the both of you.” You stated as calmly as possible which, if you were being honest with yourself, seemed to scare them more.

“Thank God!” Natasha remarked from her perched spot on the chair.

“Out?” Wanda spoke up.

“Out.” You confirmed.

“Oh, we should go check out that new club that just opened up!” Natasha suggested.

“Now that’s something I can agree with!” Sam spoke up smiling. Tony nodded his head in agreement. Steve didn’t look entirely convinced, but he didn’t shoot the idea down either.

“I’ve never been to a club before.” Wanda spoke up, a bit of excitement and curiosity laced in her voice.

“Then it’s settled. We are going to the club tonight. 10 o’clock.” You looked toward Natasha and nodded your head toward your room and head towards it. Natasha grabbed Wanda and followed you.

Once in your room, you headed towards your closet to see if you could find something to wear for tonight. Wanda sat on your bed while Natasha raided your closet with you occasionally throwing articles of clothing she thought had potential onto your bed. You were more picky on the clothes that had potential. You were hoping to get the attention of a certain sergeant. The man made you nervous. Bucky had this certain way of looking at you like he could really see you. That you weren’t what everybody else saw, a badass Avenger that handled everything that was thrown their way with grace and determination without an ounce of doubt or weakness. That if you were being honest with yourself, you had a lot of doubts, you weren’t as brave as you seemed more often than not, Like he could see every part of you that made you who you are, which scared the living shit out of you. It took you a long time to open up and trust someone with that amount of vulnerability. To trust someone with your soul. Yes, Bucky Barnes made you nervous.

Natasha stepped away from the closet and looked at the items she threw onto your bed to see what she was working with. It wasn’t until you reached the back of your closet that you found what you knew you would wear. A black off the shoulder bodycon dress that laces up the back. You grabbed your black knee high stiletto boots and walked out of your closet to show your friend your outfit. Wanda’s eyes widened since it was a bit more revealing that what you typically chose to wear. Natasha just had a smirk on her face. Natasha picked the rose gold backless V-neck mini dress for herself that she had originally thrown on the pile of outfits to be considered for you. You looked through the pile for something for Wanda and found a maroon V-neck silk-like bodycon dress that had a side slit. You handed it to her and told her to feel free to look over your shoe collection.

Two hours later, the three of you were dressed, had your hair and makeup done, and were heading down to the lobby of the tower where the guys were waiting for you. Your eyes immediately flitted to Bucky. He was talking to Steve, his metal hand was in his pocket, while the other was combing through his hair. A nervous tick of his that you had noticed. Your eyes couldn’t help but rake over his body. The crisp white shirt underneath his deep blue satin jacket did nothing to hide his strong physique. You could still tell there was rippling muscle underneath the layers of clothing. When your eyes ran over his black denim covered thighs you had to hold back a moan. Bucky Barnes was sent to personally torture you, and if it wasn’t the sweetest, most aggravating torture of your life. Maybe one day the pent up frustration would spark the courage you needed to put yourself out there. You doubted it, but hey, a girl can dream right?

“Buck, I’m telling you she’s into you, just go for it already.” Steve whispered to Bucky as the girls made their way from across the lobby. Bucky couldn’t help but stare at you as you said something funny to Natasha which caused the both of you to laugh. He could hear your laugh from here and it made his heart skip. His eyes scanned your body appreciatively before he realized that every single guy in the club would be doing the exact same thing. Even worse? They would have the nerve to talk to you, ask you to dance, and worst of all, ask you to come home with them. His stomach immediately soured at the thought. Bucky wanted nothing more than to be that guy, but every time he tried his throat would try up, his stomach would twist in knots, and his mind would completely blank on him aborting the mission before it even began. He wasn’t the same guy that he was back in the forties. He could flirt with dames all day, but not with you. He was a guy out of time, and you were out of his league. You made him nervous.

You looked away from Natasha when you caught up with the rest of the group in the main lobby just to catch a glimpse of Bucky looking away from you. As much as Natasha assured you that Bucky was into you, you couldn’t help but be disappointed by the lack of a reaction from him. Natasha noticed the look in your eyes and knew where your thoughts were. You were your own worst critic and your nerves often got the best of you if others lives weren’t at stake.

“Alright boys, you all ready?” You spoke to the guys, but avoided a certain super soldiers eyes.

“Hell yeah, let’s get this party started!” Sam said excitedly. It looks like you may not have been the only one eager to get out tonight. Before you could loop your arm with Natasha’s, she had moved towards Steve talking to him and walking ahead of the group. Wanda and Vision,  Tony and Pepper followed them, and Bruce and Thor were talking about science and magic, along with Sam and Clint talking about weaponry. The left you and Bucky to follow up last.

As soon as you walked out of the tower you almost slipped on a patch of black ice outside the tower. Instead of feeling the cold, hard ground under your butt, you felt a solid, warm chest against your back, and two strong arms catching you.

“You okay, Doll?” Bucky whispered against the shell of your ear.

A breathy, “yeah,” escaped your lips as Bucky helped you regain your footing. You managed to stutter out a tank you to Bucky while keeping your head a bit tilted towards the sidewalk, but you managed to sneak a look up through your eyelashes to see a small smile grace his face. You couldn’t tell if he was blushing or if his face was just red from the bitter cold New York air. You involuntarily shivered before you wrapped your arms around yourself and began walking towards the club having already fallen behind the others by about a block. You felt something being draped over your shoulders.

“At least ‘til we get to the club?” Bucky said staving off the protest that was on your lips. You knew that Bucky hated the cold, but you couldn’t ignore the plea in his eyes and conceded to his request with a grateful smile and a nod of your head, your cheeks feeling even hotter than before. You and Bucky walked quickly, but carefully, and caught up with the others just before entering the club. You handed Bucky his jacket back, thanking him before Wanda excitedly pulled you towards the bar for drinks, while Tony got a table in a private section where everyone could sit down and drink, but have a good view of the dance floor. You down a couple of shots of tequila at the bar before helping Wanda carry both trays of drinks to the table. It wasn’t long until both trays of shots were empty. You could feel the buzz of alcohol singing through your blood, and you couldn’t help but feel a bit more relaxed because of it. You could feel the thump of the thump of blaring bass through the floor and when the song changed Wanda was grabbing yours and Nat’s hands and heading to the dance floor. The three of you danced, and it wasn’t long until a couple of the guys joined you three. You saw Vision try to mimic everyone else, but his movements were definitely a little awkward. Wanda simply just grabbed his hands that rested on her hips and wrapped his arms around her waist. She leaned against his chest looking completely content as they swayed side-to-side, disregarding the beat of the music. You saw Clint make his way behind Nat resting his hands on her hips before turning her around to face him as they started dancing. It was long before you heard the deep Southern voice of Sam in your ear.

“I know I’m not a certain blue-eyed super soldier, but do you mind if I have this dance.” He asked, his voice barely audible over the loud music even though he was speaking into your ear from behind you. You turned around and nodded. You two began dancing and it wasn’t long before Sam had you laughing from spinning you in a circle. When you looked over his shoulder though, your laughter died on your lips. Bucky was putting his jacket on and making his way toward the exit. Your heart plummeted into your stomach. You were hoping Bucky would have asked you to dance and it seemed as if the moment was passing. You don’t know if it was the buzz of alcohol in your veins, or the irrational fear that if this moment passed you didn’t know if either of you would ever work up the nerve to really know each other and maybe, if you were lucky, become something more.

“Go.” Sam said, you looked at him questioningly. “Go get him, trust me.”

You didn’t wait another second before bolting after Bucky, he was too far away, and the music was too loud for even his super soldier ears to hear you calling his name. He had made it through the exit before you could call his name again where he had the potential of hearing you. You took the stairs two at a time, rolling your ankle once. Before you made it to the door that led you outside.

“Bucky!” You called his name as you threw open the door. Bucky turned around shocked that you were standing there. You took a wobbly step onto the sidewalk, letting the door shut behind you. Bucky noticed the wobble in your step and jogged over to you before you could almost fall for a second time that night, while he loved seeing you in heels, he didn’t love the idea of seeing you fall in them.

“Why are you so nervous around me?” You blurted out. Grace was beyond you at this point, in all honesty it was probably beyond you three shots of tequila ago, but your irrational panic wasn’t helping anything here either. Bucky looked down at his shoes, taking a breath before stumbling around his words to answer your question.

“I just, I guess, I thought you wouldn’t want to be with someone like me.”

“Like you? What do you mean someone like you?” Bucky took a deep breath before making eye contact with you and the look in his eyes broke your heart.

“Someone like me, I’m a monster. I’ve killed people, even though I wasn’t mentally there at the time, it was still me that did it. I’m an experiment gone wrong, well, right for HYDRA, but wrong. I’m broken, and you deserve someone whole. Someone good. Someone that isn’t me. Someone like Sam probably.” At that moment it dawned on you, Bucky even if Bucky saw you down to your core, he couldn’t see himself clearly.

“Dance with me?” Your small voice cracked out.

“What? There isn’t even music playing out here.”

“It won’t kill ya.” You reply back coyly, a hopeful smile playing at your lips. Bucky looked at you for a minute before moving towards you apprehensively, he rested his hands gently at your waist, just a feather light touch from his metal one. Your hands made their way to behind his neck. You two swayed slowly back and forth. It took you a minute to gather your scattered thoughts before you spoke up.

“You’re not a monster you know,” you began, your voice just above a whisper, but you could tell by the way his muscles stiffened that he had heard you.

“A monster doesn’t feel remorse for pain they caused, they don’t feel guilt. They don’t worry about others more than themselves, or worry about others at all. Monsters don’t try to right their wrongs, or fight evil. Good people do. So, you aren’t a monster Bucky, and just because HYDRA experimented on you doesn’t make that the only thing about you. I wish they hadn’t done all those awful things to you, but I am glad they saved your life, because if they hadn’t you probably wouldn’t be here right now, and I wouldn’t be hopelessly in love with you. I love how strong you are because most people wouldn’t have survived everything you’ve been through, let alone survive and come out the other side strong and fighting back. I love how you seem so sure of yourself, and every move you make with the team when we’re out on a mission because there are times I’m scared absolutely shitless, but then I look over at you, and you’re strong, and not just physically, but you make me feel safe because I know you have my back. Everyone always thinks I’m strong, and brave to the point of fearless, and smart, but I doubt myself constantly, and I’m always worried about making the wrong move and who it will effect and that if I make the wrong one it would be all my fault, and what if someone got hurt because of me and I can’t fix it-”

Bucky placed both hands on the side of your face, tilting your head to look up towards his before leaning down and kissing you in the middle of your rant. You could taste the citrus and mint on his lips from the mojito he drank at the club. You pressed your body against Bucky’s and kissed him back. Your tequila-addled brain quickly losing it’s previous train of thought as the thought that Bucky’s lips were really on yours consumed you. By the time you broke apart you both were needing air. Bucky rested his forehead against yours.

“I wanna know ya, Doll.”

“I wanna know ya too, Bucky. Every part of you.” You could see the internal struggle Bucky was dealing with, worried that if you knew every part of him it would scare you away. He nodded his head before whispering four words you thought you’d never hear.

“I love ya too, Doll.”

Bucky Barnes tag list:

@ria132love

[marvelandimagine]

Framework (Part Two)

Summary: Request - Bucky x reader songfic where he pushes her away and they break up but he’s miserable without her and it all ends in fluff and apologies

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Word Count: 2,200

Author’s Note: This was literally the hardest chapter I’ve ever written idk why but I should probably start outlining instead of winging it 25/7 lol anywho sorry this took forever and hopefully p3 will come to my brain faster! / based on Framework by The Story So Far

Taglist: @firefly-in-darkness @emptynote @buckysgoddess

How’d this happen?

Found your way in

So distracting

Splitting me in half again

Can’t ever sever the ties I made

The knots are strong

The framework’s laid

No matter how many things I say

The tangible will always be what I crave

Six agonizing days pass, with Bucky coming to the conclusion that he actually can’t live with his decision. He feels like he’s drowning in regret, his anxiety is off the charts, and, plainly, he’s just fucking miserable.

Despite everything he said to you, to himself, to Sam, it’s become crystal clear that not having you in his life is hurting him way more than confronting his trust issues and fear of impermanence.

He misses you like hell. The scent of your clothes, the way you laugh, the warmth in your eyes and on your fingertips. How perfectly your bodies fit together, the way you gasp and growl his name. How you would hold him to your chest, tracing soothing patterns across his skin when he couldn’t stop shaking from the nightmares and the flashbacks. How funny and beautiful and kind you are. Even things that had irritated him, your reiterated suggestions of different therapies and mindfulness techniques (some that had helped you personally), how you never tried to hide rolling your eyes, you constantly misplacing your keys/phone/wallet and him finding it within seconds -- he missed it all. All of you, the good and bad, had somehow become woven into his being. He could sooner get rid of how he felt about you than get rid of himself.

He told himself he wouldn’t do it, but he’s been repeatedly checking your Instagram page, heart thudding each time as he anticipates seeing the pictures of the two of you together deleted -- or worse, seeing you with another guy’s arm wrapped around you. So far, though, there’s been nothing except a video post of your dog, Balto, howling and grinning at your TV screen when Ghost appears on the latest Game of Thrones. It just makes his heart ache more, that he chose to remove himself from these small, wonderful little moments in your life, and for what? 

He keeps staring at your number, his thumb hovering above the screen before he chucks the phone to the side, rubbing his eyes as he once again chickens out of contacting you. 

He reaches the breaking point when he starts reading back through old texts from around the time when you two first started dating. 

“I know we just said bye five minutes ago but I just wanted to say how happy I am that I met you. And you are definitely cuter than I am. That is all! Night, Buck.” And now the same blushing smile emoji that had him grinning from ear to ear makes his heart twinge.

“What the fuck did you do, Barnes?” he asks himself, letting the phone drop to his forehead with a dull thunk. 

He knows he wants—needs—you back, but he doesn’t know where to even begin. 

He sighs, grimacing as he rolls himself out of bed and trudges out toward the living room. There’s only one thing to do.

Bucky can already hear Sam’s voice emanating down the hall as he approaches:

“You call THAT avant garde?! That silhouette is as bland as toast. TOAST, Nina!”

Bucky sits himself down in the ottoman in the corner, careful not to walk in front of Sam — he thought he’d never hear the end of it when he accidentally blocked the screen during the last Grey’s Anatomy season finale.

“Project Runway again?” he asks, shaking his head.

“Hey, don’t you be getting all judgey now.” Sam smirks at Bucky, taking in his disheveled state. “You need to be jotting down notes, Kurt Cobain, wearing the same grungey-ass flannel three days in a row.”

Bucky shrugs.

“Not like I have anyone to impress.”

“You had someone to impress, but remember, you broke up with her, you cowardly fucking jackass.”

Bucky clenches his teeth as his scathing tone rattles in his head. He tries his best to ignore it and sound nonchalant as he swallows his pride to do something that normally sets his skin on edge: reach out to another person.

“Anyways, you busy?”

“Nah, I’ve had enough disappointment for today.” Sam grabs the remote, shutting off the screen and shifting to look at Bucky. “What’s up?”

Bucky exhales deeply, and he can practically feel the apprehension settling on his face, his habitual reluctance to open up kicking in.

“Um …” 

He bites the corner of his lip, trying to think over his words when his gut just wants him to yell, “I FUCKED UP please tell me how to get Y/N back.”

He’s spared having to, though, as Sam cuts through the silence:

“You want to get back together with Y/N, don’t you?”

Bucky stares at him.

“Is my misery that obvious?”

“Painfully.”

Despite his deadpan tone, the corner of Sam’s mouth twitches, and the two find themselves chuckling together. While he’ll never admit it to him, this is why Bucky views him as his best friend, why he trusts him -- he always knows how to make him laugh when he needs it. He knows Sam has his back.

Bucky shakes his head, running a hand through his hair.

“So, what do I do?”

“Before I can try to answer that, you need to tell me why you broke up with her in the first place.”

Thought I’d burn the seams if they frayed

Thought I’d prove the point that I made

“I thought if I ended things, I’d be able to stop caring and feeling so vulnerable, I guess. That it’d be better for her, because she deserved better anyways, and maybe it’d be better for me … I don’t think I really believed that, deep down, but … I was scared. Scared of getting hurt, not being enough.” 

Bucky pauses and sighs, staring at the ground as he wrings his hands, running his flesh thumb back and forth over the smooth metal.

His voice is quiet, apprehensive.

“I was scared of how I felt about her.” 

Bucky glances up after a few moments of silence and is met with Sam looking at him more seriously than he can ever remember.

“Do you love her?”

Normally Bucky would flinch at such a direct question, but now, finally facing the consequences of keeping himself so guarded, he hesitates only for a fraction of a second before he nods, and it feels like a weight has left his chest in acknowledging how he feels.

He loves you. And he doesn’t have to run from that.

Sam nods back in response, running his hand along the dark stubble on his face as he begins in earnest.

“Look … you have a lot of regret in your life, right? I know it’s over things you didn’t choose, but now, you can choose. So what’s your choice gonna be? The way I see it, A) You can keep doing what you’re doing and let fear run you into the ground, or, B) you can tell that fear to go to hell, reach out to Y/N, buy her the nicest apology flowers you can, and tell her everything you just told me.”

“And if she tells me to go to hell?”

Sam sighs.

“I mean, she’s probably going to be pretty pissed at you —and rightfully so— but,” he pauses, his tone lightening, “God knows why, she seemed to really be into you. And nobody gets over a breakup that fast unless the relationship was already dead for awhile. You guys looked like you were solid until -”

“I blew everything to pieces, yeah.” 

Bucky sits quietly for a few seconds, pausing to sit and feel the knowing. The alignment in both his heart and mind, what he wants moving forward.

“I think choice B is the clear winner, here.” 

Sam waves his fist back and forth.

“Ding ding ding!”

Bucky nods.

“Thank you,” he murmurs, his voice earnest as his eyes lock on Sam’s.

Sam’s returning smile is full of encouragement.

“Hey man, I got you. And I know this ain’t easy for you, opening up about stuff. Just know there’s always a seat at the VA group just waiting for your supersoldier ass to sit down, if you ever want to talk more.” 

 “Nah I’m-” Bucky physically stops himself from finishing his default “nah, I’m good for now, but thanks” response, because if he’s realized anything throughout this entire ordeal, it’s that he is most definitely not “good,” or at least not doing as good as he’d like to be.

“Yeah, ok, I’ll do it.”

“For real?”

Bucky exhales deeply, his sadness hanging on every syllable.

“With all this … I don’t know, maybe I wouldn’t have acted the way I did with Y/N if I had started dealing with this sooner, getting more okay with talking and being honest with people,” he muses. “Like you said, if I really do want a normal life, I kinda need to find a better way to handle what’s going on in here,” he taps his temple and then his chest, “than just shutting people out.”

Incredulity is all over Sam’s face, coupled that something Bucky could swear looks like a glimmer of pride. 

“Wow, yeah, that’s great, that’s the kind of perspective that’ll help you move forward.” He grins. “You sure you’re feeling ok? This isn’t some fever-induced thing, right?” 

Bucky flips him off while Sam chuckles.

“Hilarious.”

“You know I’m playin.’” Sam nods vigorously. “Seriously, it’ll be good for you. Anyways, though, back to choice B.”

Bucky feels the rise and fall of his chest pick up in nervous anticipation, but he slides the phone out from the pocket of his jeans anyways, thumbs tapping away on its surface. 

“Hey. Can we meet up?” 

Before he can second guess himself, he hits send, promptly hurling the phone onto the opposite corner of the couch where Sam is perched.

“Watch it!”

“You tell me what she says back. I don’t wanna see it first.”

However long you’re gone, I will wait, I will wait.

And then an agonizing, crawling two hours pass, with Bucky finding himself unable to focus on the National Geographic moon landing documentary that would normally absorb him entirely, his eyes constantly straying from the screen to the phone sitting silently in the corner. You never took this long to answer a text when you were dating, so he knows you’re ignoring him.

“Maybe she blocked you and didn’t even see it.”

He’s just about to ask Sam for the phone back to message you on Instagram, past the point of caring how desperate he looks because it’s the truth, when it pings.

Sam snaps out from his half-napping state at the sound, stretching across the couch and grabbing the phone. He pulls a face and Bucky’s heart sinks -- Sam might as well have said “yikes” out loud.

“What’d she say?”

Sam looks at him with the tiniest bit of pity, tossing the phone back.

“Why.”

“Why? That’s it?” Bucky looks down at the screen in disbelief, and there it is, the one-word response.

“Yup.”

Bucky buries his head in the throw pillow closest to him, muffling his yell. 

“What do I even say to that?! She’s pissed off, and I don’t wanna do this over text.”

“You don’t have to do it all over text, but you gotta give her something. The last thing you said to her was that you wanted to break up, and now you want to see her. I’m guessing she doesn’t want to assume you want to get back together, but if you do, she wants you to know she’s still upset.” Sam shrugs. “You messed up, now you gotta work for it.”

Bucky takes the pillow off his face, grimacing.

“Goddammit.”

He takes a minute to craft his reply, staring down at the screen.

“Because you were right about everything. I never should have ended us, I’m an idiot and miss you like hell. I just want to talk.” He hits send and turns the phone over, heart thumping inside his chest.

Ten minutes pass before you answer:

“I’ll be home until 7, I have plans after.”

Bucky’s stomach drops as his brain conjures images of you dressed up but not for him, for some other guy, his metal hand clenching involuntarily.

“You don’t know that you don’t know that, c’mon. It’s only been six days.”

He replies immediately:

“Can I come see you at 5?”

“Ok.”

Even with the realization that it’s already 4:10 and he’s gonna have to haul ass to Adams Morgan while still finding the time to get you the nicest flowers he can, Bucky already feels lighter with hope. You agreed to see him. You’re giving him at least a fraction of a chance to put things back together. 

He flies up off the couch and takes off down the hall.

“I’m meeting her at her place at 5!”

Sam calls out to his retreating back, and Bucky allows himself a small smile.

“Hey, go get her. But you go shower first!”

[itsadirtybusiness]

Everyone Just Swipe Left...

Life is a dirty business, death, divorce, diapers, dementia, dysfunction, and dating. Being able to laugh at our existence and all that goes along with it, I believe, is crucial to survival. In my dating world, there is a touch of dishonesty, in that, I don’t know what I’m doing, what I want, or if I want anything. Knowing what I don’t want is much easier to define, it’s easy to find flaws in people, especially if you’re looking for them.

My dating career was interrupted for about thirty years by a couple of marriages. After this hiatus I decided to try out Match.com. Things had changed a lot since I was in college, but I believed that the internet, my maturity level, and my life experiences prepared me for the journey on which I was about to embark, my first of many mistakes. I also believed that I was a strong woman and that I knew what I wanted. I established high level criteria: athletic, intelligent, educated, well-travelled, financially stable and no young children. I submitted my profile and certain that Mr. Right was just a click away, I went to bed hoping for the best.

I’m not a morning person, so waking up to sixteen messages saying, “Good morning beautiful” accompanied by an emoji, anything from a rose to a devil, became the kiss of death for my would-be solicitors. Instead of Cristal in a Waterford flute, my inbox was like a Solo cup filled with Boone’s Farm. My gut reaction was indignance, “LIARS! How dare you call me beautiful! You don’t know me.” I have strong opinions on beauty and number one is that it isn’t determined by flattering images on some app. It’s understanding who I am as a person and how I became the woman I am today. It’s depth of character and a strong understanding of self, and it implies a certain level of intimacy because I’ve opened myself to you, only then will I accept being beautiful as a compliment. Something that you, lame suitor, will now never experience.

A week in and I was already frustrated. I hadn’t even been on a date. “Stick with it.” My friends said. “It just takes time and patience” they said. “Maybe you shouldn’t be so picky” they said. “You have to kiss a lot of frogs” they said. I think they just wanted to hear my stories and validate their own relationships, sighing just a little as they thought, “Thank God it’s you out there and not me.” I bucked up and kept trying until I got a date.

My first and only match ended up being with a guy who didn’t tell me how beautiful I was before we met, but our date was still a disaster. I’ll spare the details of our meeting but as a result one of my friends suggested that dating sites should have some way to “Rate Your Date” like a Yelp review or rating your Uber driver. This could save us serial daters a lot of time and imagine how much better people would act if they knew they going to be reviewed? I think it’s a brilliant idea. The rating would be with hearts rather than stars and of course, plenty of space for comments. I would give a five-heart rating to a man that took me out to dinner, was a great conversationalist, kissed me goodnight and didn’t push the hookup; a man more interested in his phone or getting me into bed, than conversation would earn one heart. Deflated, I realized, if this was what dating had come to, I’d much rather be single. Peace out guys, I deleted my account.

Like Netflix and popcorn seasoned with crack, I couldn’t stay away. Shortly after my vow to remain single, I discovered Bumble, where the woman makes the first move. I set up my profile and a whole new world unfolded before me. I didn’t have to worry about unwelcomed solicitations, and I could pick and choose the guys that were appealing to me. I set the low end of my age range at 40, young, but old enough to have some life experiences under their belts and I topped them out at 65, putting myself squarely in the middle.

My Bumble profile reads:

I love to travel, read, run and play tennis. I am athletic, educated, financially stable and well-travelled. My children are grown with families of their own. I’m looking for someone similar. I love a good IPA and small batch gin. INFJ Vegan. No hook ups please. Trump supporters swipe left. 

Every connection I make gives me fodder for my ever-growing list of flaws. Unfortunately, there is a character limit, or my profile would now include the following:

If you have a girlfriend or you’re married, swipe left. You must be willing to meet, in person, if you just want to sext, have phone or FaceTime sex, swipe left. If you have the inclination to take a picture of your erect penis and send it my way, swipe left. If you think it’s appropriate to call me baby, honey, sweetie, sweetheart or any other cutesy name after one date, swipe left. If you don’t love animals or at least dogs, swipe left. If you think Democrats are trying to take your guns away or that the women of the #metoo movement were simply looking for their fifteen minutes of fame, swipe left. If you’re homophobic, swipe left. If you don’t believe in tipping at least 20% or you treat service staff poorly, swipe left. If you are needy and can’t give me my cherished space and solitude, swipe left. Not a football fan? Swipe left. Ohio State fan? Swipe left. If you don’t know the basics of ordering a cocktail or appetizer at a restaurant, swipe left. If you don’t return your grocery cart to its proper place, swipe left. If you don’t have Amazon Prime, swipe left. If you don’t know what an IPA is, swipe left. If you don’t know what vegan means, Google it or swipe left. If you can’t be bothered to read my profile, swipe left.

This paltry and arrogant attitude of mine led me to believe that men my age were a bit boring. I started matching with younger guys, much younger, like twenty years younger… The young thirty somethings were bold. They weren’t afraid to kiss me without asking first. They made me feel good about myself, but like any drug, the high was fleeting and superficial and I was constantly chasing it. What I crave is depth and meaning. I want to know how you recovered from the loss of your marriage. How you healed, if you even have? How did you tell your children and what did you do to help them cope? What music did you listen to? Did you start any new hobbies or activities? I want to know what makes you vulnerable. But the guys I’m talking to haven’t been married, they don’t have children. So, instead I say, “Oh! You like dogs and IPAs and put mustard on your fries? We have so much in common!” I guess that’s what happens when you date in your children’s age group. But, having a deep conversation with someone my own age is just asking for emotional exposure, I’d have to answer the same questions. I’m not willing to give depth and meaning so why should I expect it? Ghosting is so much easier. I tell myself I’m not being unreasonable; I just want to find a like minded man to hang out with. What I’ve managed to do is alienate most of the male population and probably earn myself a one heart rating. Especially from guys my age.

Finding the humor in all of this makes my failures more bearable. It relieves the pressure and absolves me of responsibility. Every now and then I ask myself what I’m doing with a guy younger than my daughter. I have yet to come up with a right answer. If I’m being honest, I think it’s a bit of a mid-life crisis mixed in with a tad of narcissism and a dash of not wanting to grow up. I also think it keeps me in control. I know that there is no chance of getting seriously involved with a thirty something. They’re safe, even if they are more prone to send a dicpic or request a naked picture than their older counterparts, I can pretend I’m closer in age to a college grad than a retiree. Finding the right guy is going to take a lot of effort. I’ve set near impossible expectations for anyone to meet and I insist on keeping myself impervious. I can talk about how boring men in my own age group are, but the reality is, I shun them out of fear, fear of growing old. They are a reminder of my age, a reminder that I’m on the downside of life, a reminder of my mortality. I’m not ready for that, if you are, swipe left.

[khhunniewriting]

You Made Me...

[ Mature Content / SMUT ALERT! ] 

Warning: This is not your regularly scheduled programming. This is NOT soft Dabin. This is jerk Dabin with some bad relationship advice.

Itallics= SMUT! RATED R / MA (You can skip it and still get the whole fic)

“Hello,” you answered your phone with a sigh. How long had it been? You didn’t know. Months for sure. 

Dabin’s head perked up from the slumped state it had been in. He ran his hand through his hair finding the proper words. “Hello, my lovely flower...” He paused almost certain he would hear a string of curses directed at him.

Instead, you sighed in annoyance. The sweet nickname caught you off-guard. His calls were starting to increase. “It is past midnight Dabin.” You knew him. He had probably just gotten home to his dark lonely apartment. WIth nothing to do his mind probably wandered. It was flattering to know you were what he thought of at his most vulnerable.

After running into him you were expecting his call. His eyes could be felt, he followed you from across the room HIs eyes always carefully averted yours when you would turn. It wasn’t until the end that your eyes met and a silent agreement was formed to have the conversation that was about to unfold.

“I made you.”

“You did...” you agreed whole-heartedly. It was thanks to him that you had become so guarded yet so free. Now that you knew all men lie you threw caution to the wind and became a whole new person. The rose color glasses you used to see life through were gone. Now you knew the only thing you should be chasing is your own pleasure. “You made me bad and naughty.”

Dabin’s chest tightened as he held back a groan of need and desire.  That didn’t stop the small growl that came with his next statement. “I know what I did...” he trailed off, the image of you clinging to Gray came to mind. The memory became distorted as his regrets made him imagine this new you tangled in bedsheets. He couldn’t stand the idea of Gray reaping the benefits of your new found confidence and attitude. “And we both know why I did it.”

“Ha,” you scoffed in disbelief. “Dabin,” you let his name roll off your tongue with a sultry smooth voice. “Everyone knows thanks to the image you painted of me.” It hurt when you first caught his friends talking about you behind your back. What hurt most was knowing Dabin was the one who put the words in their mouths. “I heard you... I heard them, all of you call me a bitch for leaving you.”

Silence. Dabin didn’t know what to say. He never imagined you had heard him. At the moment he was mad, trying to get some steam off by saying it was all on you. “...Sorry-”

“I’m proud of it.” 

His opinions had all but helped you earn a bit of a reputation. Not all bad. After all, you were being treated like a Queen by your current boyfriend. 

Dabin’s eyes widened... you really had changed.

It was too late to apologize. Nothing he said could stop you from feeling like a fool for ever believing his honeyed words of affection. “Be honest with me Dabin...what did you want?”

Once again silence. Dabin knew what he wanted now. He wanted you, your body. He wanted to have you in front of him, sitting on his lap- no straddling it. He wanted your lips on his.

But back then...What did he want? Back when you were his.

“I would like to think you actually loved me but I’ve been wrong before.” You needed to believe you had more to offer than physical attraction. “You had me first...so you must know.” It was hard to talk about yourself with your ex, someone who had known you inside and out at one point.

You sighed breathlessly as Dabin’s hands began to roam higher up your thigh. They were slightly colder or perhaps you were just too hot inside that your skin reflected it. Every time he got closer to the place you needed him most, he withdrew. 

He was teasing you. 

“Dabin please...”

He loved seeing how you writhed and pleaded for him to continue doing what he wanted to your body. After all, nothing was sexier to him than knowing that you willingly wanted him to indulge. “What is it my pretty little flower...” one finger ghosted around the bundle of nerves that was to blame. “What do you want me to do?”

Looking away you managed to let a few words out. “Pl-please...touch me.”

A devilish smirk adorned his pretty face as he squeezed your thigh. “I’m already touching you.” 

Your head shook, he knew perfectly well what you meant. He was just dead set on you voicing out your guilty pleasures. 

His hand retracted, leaving you to deal with the heat between your legs. “No?” Wisps of his hairs tickled your forehead as he leaned down to capture your lips. It was a soft loving kiss. “Flower, you are so pretty but so silent.” The back of his hand caressed your arm bringing your attention to him. It was entertaining to see you unravel. 

The loss of contact was unbearable. You sat up slightly, resting on your forearms to see Dabin kneeling in front of you. There was a dark glint in his eyes as if he had been waiting for you to look at him.

Dabin was waiting. He wanted you to see... to take in the sight of him between your legs. Before you could protest something new he gripped your thighs tightly and pulled you closer to the edge. There he began kissing up your legs tot he inside of your thighs. 

Your back arched lifting you completely off the bed at the new ticklish sensation. Always his fingers... never his tongue. It felt wrong and incredibly right. Fingers grasped at his soft locks of hair when he dared to dart his tongue out and taste your skin. “D-Dabin-” you gasped pushing him away when your hips grew a separate conscience and bucked closer into him. “Don’t...” you breathily exhaled.

He was eager to kiss your lower lips, to use his tongue to prod them open as he did the upper ones. But... “I will stop if that’s what you want.”

It wasn’t.

He knew it too. That’s why he didn’t budge from his position. Occupying his time by circling his thumbs around your hips were he held you. Waiting for your approval, he never broke eye contact. 

How could he make you change so much? Never before would you imagine yourself in such a position. A position where you were asking for embarrassing things to be done to you. If it was so embarrassing why did you like it? Because the reward was far greater. It was only embarrassing because it was new to you. You had answered your own question and in the process talked yourself into accepting your boyfriend's offer. “Don’t stop.”

Dabin smirked.

“Keep going... please.”

There was a sense of triumph as Dabin spread your legs wider. Without warning, he licked up the first of your honey that had dripped along the inside of your thighs. He was so close, the warmth of his breath had you shivering in anticipation.

Once he delved in your eyes shut, hands grabbed at the bedsheets underneath as you clung to your sanity. This was your body but it wasn’t listening to you. “Da-” words were hard to remember, even his name. It all became incoherent moans and sighs of satisfaction. 

Your body was now listening to Dabin... and he loved it. The power he had over you... Dabin literally had made you, his pretty little flower, bloom.

“I loved you Y/N.” Dabin laid back into his couch, one arm over the back cushions. He thought back to when he first met you. What drew him to you? “Your smile was so inviting, I got drawn in.”

Your heart skipped a beat. Why only now, over the phone did your Dabin seem to appear?

“I love you Y/N.”

IT became hard to breath. He was using the present tense of the word. A word you hardly heard from him in the final months of your relationship. Now he gave it to you. “Stop!”

The word seeped through Dabin’s bones. It brought a chill to his spine to hear how stern you were on ending the conversation. He had much more to say.

“I gotta go,” your eyes went to the door. On the other side you could hear Gray fumbling with the keys. It was too late to be explaining to your current boyfriend why your ex was on the phone with you.

Even if Gray was understanding, there was a limit. There was never a good excuse to be talking to an ex at such a late time of night.

Dabin cursed at the sound of the ended call. His mind was running wild with memories of you and him. What he wouldn’t do to have you there... at that moment. He realized how invested he had been in the beginning of your relationship and how HE was the one to lie and distance himself at the end.

Now he could only think of you in the arms of another man.

You were no longer his. The thought of Gray and you kept him up, turned him desperate enough to call you. He hoped you would come back to him but you were done begging him to take you.

-end-

A/N: Honestly the song makes no sense to me. Individual lines yes, but as an entity, it is broken. Still did my best ^^

[lisbonsteresa]

BABY GIRL I AGREE WITH THE HIMYM/TGP PARALLELS SO MUCH AND TOLD MY FRIEND ABOUT THEM!!!!! Like tbh himym was a mess but it had it’s good moments, and barney and the plotline with his dad was one of them. Like at least Jerry APOLOGIZED and actually expressed love and desire to form a relationship with Barney and they actually gave an in show explanation about why it took him so long to contact him... DONNA SHELLSTROP DIDNT SO SHIT!! Also Barney’s friends loved and supported him after he broke

(2/2) down whereas Michael didn’t understand (and okay, okay, okay… it was TOTALLY for plot reasons and I did LOVE the tahani/chidi bonding and I’ve missed it since season 1 but why wasnt chidi with them?! like he and eleanor are BEST friends and she’s supported him through all his shit… they have unlimited money, he knew eleanor was vulnerable.. idk it seems out of character he wasnt there for her) anyway I am glad that episode is over I am excited for Cheleanor next episode at leastttttt

HIMYM was pretty horrible in retrospect lol, but it did have its moments and basically any time that Barney was emotional or honest and vulnerable was well done, and the episode where he confronted his father is a prime example of that. The point there being he actually got to confront his father. With Eleanor we learn that Donna is alive and then the next episode she’s traveled halfway around the world to help her neglectful, absentee mother who faked her own death and started a new life with a new family and apparently never felt the need to reach out to her daughter get into the Good Place and I’m like….what?

Because what have we been shown about Donna that would make her even a semi-likely candidate? I just don’t see why Eleanor would be on-board with trying to improve her mother now. If the argument made is the gang wants to help people they care about who might be able to be redirected in life, why not have Eleanor try to help Brittany or Madison? Or someone else from her trashbag life that she has an attachment to - why do she and Tahani and to a lesser extent Jason, we didn’t know too much about Donkey Doug as a dad until last week have to be helping family members, especially the family members who put them through so much hurt? Why was it so important for them to, as Janet said, ‘make amends’? 

And tangent-ing off of that, why was the onus on Eleanor and Tahani to ‘make amends’? I get it, I do, they’re better people now and I guess the message was they should reach out to get some sort of closure but like….! They didn’t really? Because Tahani - at least - got to kind of confront Kamilah but they didn’t stay with that at all before they completely passed the buck to their parents which I still say goes against everything we’ve been shown of Tahani’s life up until now and now she and her sister are apparently trying to be good with each other which completely ignores that Kamilah was shitty to Tahani all on her own and you can’t handwave that away with one 2-minute scene showing their parents setting up a competition between them when everything we’ve seen before that was Kamilah one-upping Tahani and basking in and lording the praise she got in response over her sister.

Eleanor didn’t even get to confront Donna - from minute one Michael made it clear ‘this isn’t about you’ and then every time she tried to prove her mother hadn’t fully changed, the plot - and sometimes the actual lines - had the tone of ‘oh come on she’s a better person now, just get with the program and be happy for her’ which is pretty shitty. The last line Eleanor had in the car - “I’m glad my mom has changed but it still doesn’t fix all the damage she did to me” is not her finding ‘closure’ to me - it’s not her ‘moving on’ well it is her moving on, but only because the plot won’t breathe for a minute and give this some focus. That line should have been the point of Eleanor’s interactions with Donna - she should have been able to actually SAY that to her mothers face. That line and the other line she said to Michael - “….that means she was always capable of change. But I just wasn’t worth changing for” - are lines she should have said TO her mother, not to Michael. The way it played out, it just felt like Eleanor reluctantly giving her mother her blessing for her new life and, again, bottling up all the anger and hurt and pain she still has regarding her relationship. I don’t see that last scene being her ‘moving on’, I see it more as her giving up on trying, and that’s just sad to me.

AHEM anyway, as to the Chidi of it all…..it really seems like it was just for plot. Because honestly, what did Chidi do on Tahani’s side of the plot other than push her to reconcile with her sister like Michael pushed Eleanor to reconcile with her mom? And anyone could have done that? I loved seeing Tahani and Chidi interact with each other, but still….Janet was already pushing Tahani in the beginning of the episode…..I guess they had Chidi do it so that they could have both plots in one episode and still let Jason and Janet have some moments, I dunno.

On the other hand (and one of the things that is frustrating about chelenor or any ship involving the humans) is that we don’t…..really……know how well they know each other at this point. With all the reboots, and fast-forwards, and time jumps, we know how well Chidi and Eleanor know each other. We know that he’s probably the person she opened up to the most about her history and her parents and how she feels about all of it, but that was several hundred Attempts ago and we can’t be sure that it’s something they’ve talked about now. We’ve jumped all around and basically moved everyone to the end of the maze, but we don’t know the path they took to get there so we don’t know how they know each other, if that makes sense.

I do still agree that even in this Earth!Attempt, they still seem to have a deeper connection than the others, so it seems like he would notice if she was off leading up to this trip, but I guess it could also be argued that he just broke up with his long-term girlfriend and learning all about the afterlife and traveling around the world to help save peoples souls, so he might be a little distracted. All in all, I’m looking forward to just putting this episode way behind me.

[professor-hiddles]

Unspoken [bucky barnes]

pairing: bucky x reader (modern au??? but bucky still has the arm)

words: 2.6k 

warnings: implied smut, some violence? also maybe just a little slut shaming (not from any of our faves i promise) uhhh some angst & swearing too

a/n: this might be kinda sucky but whatevs i just wanted to post something lol. also theres a vine reference in there for some comic relief :) enjoyyyyyyy

The two of you knew what you were getting into. It was a mutually beneficial relationship, but purely sexual. Something to release the tension. There were five rules you had set in place, rules that kept both of you safe. 

Rule 1

No physical contact outside of your bedroom sessions. Since you shared a friend group, it was common to be seen out in public together, but this was your own rule. No touching. You could talk, make jokes, and even flirt, but no skin to skin contact.

Rule 2

Don’t stay away from potential relationships at the expense of the other. If an opportunity for a relationship presented itself, don’t stay away to protect feelings, and don’t try to keep the other person away from someone with potential.  

Rule 3

Keep emotions or pillow talk to a minimum. You’re not building an intimate relationship, but rather just having fun and enjoying one another physically. Only engage in emotional conversations if absolutely necessary. This was a rule broken rather often, as the both of you were usually under intense stress. 

Rule 4

No dates. No meeting for coffee, no going out to dinner. If you were gonna hang out, it would be with your friends. 

***

Something changed around two months into your agreement. Bucky was getting more sensual with you, being incredibly gentle and making sure that you were completely comfortable before he did anything. This was unusual, as he was typically a bit rough and fast. It was certainly different, but you weren’t complaining. 

“Buck, is there a reason as to why you’re being so gentle with me?” you asked, gently tugging on his hair. His mouth left your body for a moment, eyes meeting yours. 

“No reason, why? Are you uncomfortable?” he asked, his metal hand drawing circles on your thigh. He got back to work, pleasure coming over you in waves.

“No—not at all. Just wondering,” you said before arching your back off the mattress. Damn, he was talented with his mouth. 

He hummed in response, the vibration going through your whole body. His hands held your hips, keeping your body firmly planted on the bed. Your heart was racing, the euphoria coursing through you. 

Bucky crawled up next to you, laying on his back. You rolled onto your stomach to face him. Your hands met his hair, twirling it around your finger. 

“I think we should stop this, Buck,” you whispered, avoiding eye contact. His head turned toward yours, his smile dropping. 

“Why? I thought we were having fun, Y/N,” he said, his hand grabbing the one that was intertwined in his hair. 

“We are—were, but I met someone.” 

Rule 2. 

He could feel his heart break a little. All he could think of was someone else touching you in the ways that he did. 

“Oh. Do I know him?” he asked, his voice as low as yours. 

You nodded, “Brock Rumlow, I think he goes to your gym.” 

Fucking Brock, Bucky thought, Of course he would rob me of the one good thing in my life.

Bucky didn’t respond, instead just closing his eyes. You knew he heard you, and you knew he was hurt. You didn’t push the topic, so you let sleep wash over you.

You woke up to an empty bed, the sheets next to you were cold. A frown formed on your face, but you knew what this meant. 

You knocked your head back onto your pillow, letting a groan escape. A part of you felt empty, but a part of you felt enlightened, free to explore what other men have to offer. 

Bucky returned to his apartment, dreading the loneliness that was bound to ensue. He had fallen for you, hard. He hated the idea of someone else holding your heart, someone else taking part in your life. 

He knew he wasn’t supposed to fall for you, but love works in mysterious ways. He loved your laugh, how you got a bit embarrassed when it was too loud. He loved the way you said his name. He loved the way you joke with each other, more sarcasm than he’d ever experienced. He liked that you weren’t afraid of him, metal arm and all. That usually drives people off, but not you. He loved that you bear your feelings to him, your vulnerabilities. 

He longed to hold your hand. He wanted nothing more than to kiss your cheek and tell you how beautiful you are. Truly stunning. He longed to kiss you in front of your friends, call you his once and for all. He longed to be the one you come to after a long day, just for comfort. 

He felt miserable. The one thing that actually meant something to him had been taken. He knew this day would come. He just never pictured it would be so soon. 

He should have told you how he felt. He still should. 

Bucky pulled himself together, put on a happy face and made his way to the gym. He walked in, eyes scanning the area for Brock. He hoped that he wasn’t there, but nothing ever goes the way you want it to. He decided it might be good to talk to him at least.

His eyes landed on the man in question. Bucky took a deep breath and walked over to the weights he was using. 

“Need a spot, Brock?” he asked, hoping that he would say yes. Brock looked at him, realizing who was asking. 

A cocky smile grew on Brock’s face, “Hey, man. If you don’t mind, that’d be great.”

Bucky forced a smile on his face, he stepped behind the bench press. Half of him wanted to drop the barbell on the man, but the other half wanted to grill him about you. He decided on the latter.

“So, uh, you and Y/N, huh? How long has that been going on?” Bucky said, trying to casually slip questions into the light conversation. 

A smug look crossed his face, “Around two weeks or so, she’s a cool girl. Surprised one of you didn’t pick her up already.”

You and me both, buddy, Bucky thought, gritting his teeth. “Yeah, she’s the best. Treat her good, man.”

A short laugh left Brock’s mouth. “To be honest with you, I think this’ll be more of a hit it and quit it kind of thing, you know? She’s stupid hot, but not really girlfriend material. Seems like a bit of a whore. I heard she fucks every dude in your friend group.” 

Bucky scoffed. It was taking everything he had in him not to punch the man’s teeth in. 

“Who fed you that bullshit lie? You’re lucky she even considered you, dipshit,” Bucky growled. He couldn’t just stand idly by anymore, he took the bar out of the man’s hands and pulled him up by the collar of his shirt, “If you even think about hurting her, I’ll hunt you down and fucking kill you.”

Brock looked genuinely scared for a moment, before a smile appeared on his face. “My god, you’re in love with the whore! Let me guess, you’re fucking her too?” 

“Alright, thats it. You asked for it, you piece of shit!” Bucky yelled, before charging at Brock. Several punches were thrown before Bucky felt someone pulling him off of the man. 

Steve had a strong grip on the man, guiding him toward the exit. “Dude, what the hell? I know he’s a douche, but you can’t lunge at him in the middle of the gym! What was it even about?” 

Bucky’s hand curled into a fist, “He was calling Y/N a whore, and saying he was only with her for sex. I just couldn’t help myself. I hate when assholes like him get such wonderful women and then drop them like they’re nothing. She deserves someone better than that, Steve. She deserves someone who’ll listen to her, and keep her happy, and take care of her in all the best ways.”

A small smile worked its way onto Steve’s face, “Someone like you?”

Bucky nodded his head, “Yes! Wait—how did you know I meant me?” he looked at the man, clearly puzzled. You two were careful to hide your relationship, you were sure none of your friends knew.

“Dude, you think no one notices how you stare at her? You get this little sparkle in your eyes every time you talk to her, its almost sickening how cute it is,” Steve said, patting his friend on the shoulder. 

“She doesn’t feel the same, anyway, so what does it matter? I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with her, Steve.” Bucky said, his eyes glued to the pavement. 

Steve sighed, “What do you mean ‘you weren’t supposed to fall in love with her,’? Why not?”

Bucky’s breath hitched in his throat, “Uh, never mind. No reason.” 

Steve didn’t look convinced, but he let the topic go. “You might not have noticed, Buck, but she definitely does. When you aren’t there, all she does is talk about you.”

His eyes flicked up to meet Steve’s, his cheeks flushed. Bucky could barely get out a coherent sentence. 

“No, I—that can't be,” he mumbled, but all evidence of doubt was erased when he saw the look on Steve’s face, “Really? But she’s so beautiful and kind and downright great; and I’m me.” 

Steve nodded, “Yeah man, but she wont like you for long if you don’t explain your side of what just happened in there. For all we know, Rumlow could be telling her that you attacked him for no reason.” 

Bucky’s eyes went wide for a moment, before running a hand through his hair. He let out a shaky breath before pulling out his phone. 

“Shit, ok, I’m gonna ask her to meet me at the bar later. Hopefully I can lay everything out and we’ll be on the same page, but if not, be prepared to nurse my broken heart.”

Steve gave a short nod before clapping him on the back, “Good luck, Buck. You’ll do great, I know it.”

After a shower and a quick bite to eat, Bucky walked down the sidewalk, trying to figure out what he would say to you. Would he apologize for putting Brock in his place? Hell no. Would he apologize for letting it get that out of hand? Possibly. Would he tell you how he felt and accept your answer, good or bad? Absolutely. 

He took a seat at the bar, ordering a whiskey, neat. His eyes darted around the bar, his nerves making him a bit jumpy. The door to the establishment opened once more with the ring of a bell, your senses taking in the familiar sights and sound that the bar has to offer. 

You heard shot glasses hit the bar counter; the sharp sound of a cue ball being hit. Your gaze almost immediately caught the glimmer of the metal arm, a smile crawling up your face. Your heels clicked on the floor below you, the sound catching Bucky’s attention. 

He stood up, arms enveloping you in a hug. Rule 1, you remembered, but maybe I can let it slide just this once. Your arms slid around his waist, returning the embrace. Bucky pulled away first, his hands resting on your shoulders. 

“Y/N, sit, please,” he said, pulling the bar chair out for you. You took the seat, still wondering what you were doing here. “I know you said you want to end things because you found someone, and I respect that decision, but please, just hear me out for a moment.”

You sighed, but stayed silent, signaling him to go on. 

“Okay, this might come out the wrong way, but please understand that I mean absolutely no disrespect to you,” your eyes widened slightly, but still you let him continue. “Brock isn’t the guy for you, you should cut things off with him.” 

A short, dry laugh left your lips, “Why? Who told you that this was your decision to make?” 

Hurt flashed across his eyes, but he stayed calm. “Y/N, he called you a whore. He also said that he’s only going out with you to get in your pants. He doesn’t want the real you, he only wants the idea of you. I know its not my decision to make,  but I really think that this is whats best for you.” 

“No, you’re lying. How do you know that? Last I checked you weren’t all buddy buddy with him,” you said, shaking your head. “How do you know whats good for me?”

He ran a hand through his hair, “Thats my opinion, Y/N. I’m sorry if it’s not what you want to hear, but it needed to be said. If I can save you from this guy, then best believe I’ll put everything on the line to do so.”

“Please, you think I need saving? I’m perfectly capable of handling this on my own, thank you very much,” you said, close to tears.

“I know you can, but I’m worried that your feelings might blind you from whats actually going on!” he yelled, but you stormed out. Bucky was quick to follow, lightly gripping your arm. 

You spun around to face him, anger clear on your face, “Why? Why do you care so damn much?”

Both of your hearts picked up, nearly beating out of your chests. Bucky’s eyes looked glassy, he didn’t mean to upset you. All he wanted was to warn you, and tell you how he felt. 

“You wanna know why? Because I‘m fucking in love with you, Y/N! I know I wasn’t supposed to, but you made it damn hard to resist. When you told me about Brock, my heart nearly cracked in two. I didn’t even want to think about him having what I hold dearest to my heart. I’m in love with you for you, not your body, or the idea of you. I love that you listen to me, and confide your feelings in me. I love how much you care for those around you, and the kindness that’s so clearly within your heart. I love the way your eyes light up when you talk about something you love, and the smile that makes my heart jump. I didn’t want to fall in love with you, but I’ll be damned if I tell you I regret it, because I absolutely don’t,” his chest was heaving now, and you couldn’t tell if the wetness on his face was the pouring rain around you or tears.

You stared at him, the weight of his words weighing on your shoulders. You wanted to cry, punch him and kiss him all in the same moment. 

He looked like he was going to speak up again, but you cut him off by pressing your lips to his. It wasn’t at all rushed like your past ones, but more passionate and loving. His arms were protectively wrapped around you, your bodies pressed close. 

You pulled away, resting your forehead on his, “Buck, we broke rule five.”

A smile was on his face, “I think we broke all of the rules, but fuck ‘em, especially rule five.”

Rule five wasn’t a rule you talked about often, because it was understood by all parties. Technically, the ‘unspoken’ rule. 

Rule 5

Do not, under any circumstances, fall in love with the other.