#this is bc skirts r so shape. and so cute. and i think they’re cool and there is zero (0) other reason for me drawing ppl in skirts so much

[iknowwhereyousnoozeatnight]

points at you. L deathnote in a skirt

[parkjmini]

bts as fuckboys

[a/n]: inspired by @sweetersuga  | original post: x i wrote it as the perspective that you’re already close friends w them/have been with them before !!

Seokjin

he’s the funny, sarcastic one where he could be kind of mean bc he takes it a lil far

“you’re such trash you sleep with every girl”

“at least I can get someone to sleep with me”

he flashes a smile in the hall bc he KnOws iT GeTs oN YouR NeRveS

“When’s my birthday”

“January 1st bc u set off my fireworks baby”

“i am disgusted”

piggy back rides on those goddamn strong broad set of shoulders ooffff

“I’ll call you, ya?”

He never calls u bc he probably forgot too busy improvin himself

you have a streak with him and all he sends are selfies with the caption “I hope your day is as beautiful as I am (:”

He catches you staring in class one day and he’s like “take a pic, it’ll last longer babe”

And omg he ACTUALLY TELLS YOU TO TAKE A PHOTO OF HIM

so now u have a gallery full of jin and he wont let u delete them bc he thinks they’re all masterpieces you do too but youd never admit it

the only fuckboy that’s tolerable bc he’s rlly just a big goof 

“why don’t you ever have sleeves on your shirt jin”

“these shoulders are on display, honey, can’t cover up the jewels”

he’s kind of obnoxiously loud that u want to shove ur fist into his mouth to sh u t  him uP 

“dude, jimin’s hot”

“okay but so am i ??”

“ok ya youre really hot but so is jimin”

“jiMIN (Y/N) THINKS YOU’RE—-”

“–ANNOYING THANKS SEOKJIN PLS SHUT UP WHY R U STILL TALKING WOW”

“just trying to get my baby some more dick jeEZ”

Yoongi

“hey yoongs why dont we go on a date??”

“uuhhhhhh since when were we dating? lmao dont trip” 

gets a new number every 2 months bc he loves fucking w them crazy bitches too much

“sometimes you need to mess around with the ones who can bite off your dick, being risky is hot (-;”

“BEinG riSkY iS hOt ya u wont have a penis anymore at the rate you’re going”

kind of smells like a mixture of alcohol and cologne 

hand-on-ass-when-he-hugs

“let’s play a game, if u lose u have to take off ur clothes, if i lose u have to take off ur clothes”

“wait but yours stay on ?? wtf yoongi??”

“no mine will come off right after i see u naked (;”

the one to play with the ends of your skirt/dress/shirt bc it gets u so flustered and he lives seeing u flustered 

straight up Arrogantᵀᴹ at times its hot but ur so annoyed by it that u wanna knock some sense into him

wont ask for nudes but will ask to see some goods

“can i see ur tits”

“for the 4039th time, no”

“well, a man can try”

SMIRKY MC SMIRKY HERE like it just comes OUT of NOWHERE and it is OUT to ATTAC 

u dont have a snap streak w him bc it always breaks bc he replies every 3 years bc he was “busy”

but he’s always the fourth person to like your instagram posts???????

and to comment the water droplet/eye/tongue emoji combo ????

loves when u swat his hands away from gripping your thigh 

Hoseok

(i wanted to use this gif but it was so big and rectangle and didnt fit but u need to see that gif to really take in the fuckboy bc i cannot find a representation as accurate as that gif is)

always greeting you whenever he sees you

“hey babygirl”

“hoseok we just saw each other in chemistry”

“ok and????? can’t i say hi to my baby?”

“but im not”

“lmao every girl is my baby”

raises his eyebrows any time you fix your dress or your shirt

asks to borrow a pencil and never returns it

“where is my pencil hoseok”

“where is my kiss (y/n)”

“we didnt agree to that”

“well i didnt agree to give it back”

“dO u NoT kNOW whAT BoRRoW meANS”

loves to share so he shares a lot of his snacks with u

“omg i love snacks!!”

“oh baby me too” and trust me, he’s not talking about the food

has the brightest, kindest smile so it catches you off guard when he says some snarky fuckboy comment

loves physical contact !!!!! always has a hand on your back, or shoulder, or thigh, or hand, or arm

lip LICKING PARDON ME HIS TONGUE IS UNCONTROLLABLE

lets you wear his hats/jackets/hoodies bc he thinks youre sooo cute in his clothes

he walks around school with his hands in his pockets like a doUCHEBAG

catches you off guard by spinning you around with his arm around your waist 

uses the line “im a dancer” to get girls what an eyeroll

the type to drag you onto the middle of the dance floor at a club just so he could show off his skillz which are actually super bomb like even ur impress and uve seen them 308443 times

he got that sweatpants dick print 

Namjoon

changes his contact name to Daddy on your phone

Mr. Ass Man he loves ass ASS ASS ASS SO MUCH ASS BIGGEST ASS LOVER

“oh shit did you see her ass”

“look here bootylover123 stfu”

winks at you a lot in the halls 

“do you have a fucking eye problem namjoon”

“its a wink” 

“u do it so much that im beginning to think youre eye is having a spasm 

lets you copy his homework if he got a hug in return

the type to comment a peach emoji on your instagram photos even if there is no butt involved

loves when you sit on his lap 

one time there weren’t enough seats on the bus and he patted his leg for you to sit

“i know you hate standing (y/n), take a seat itll be fine”

“why can’t u be a gentleman and give up your seat for me?”

*alMOST CHOkES from LAUGHING* “me???!!! a gentleman??? wow u expect too much, just sit your big ass down on daddy’s lap or suffer standing”

buys you lunch bc he loves showing off his e x p e n s i v e w a l l e t 

he could go from having a full blown brilliant monologue as to why he exists to giggling about how your moles r arranged into the shape of a penis 

calls girls mami or ma 

asks for ass pics at like 1:32 AM 

and u send him pictures of ur elbow crease 

and he actually thinks its ur butt

BLASTS baby makin music from his car and causes a public disturbance 

has the highest count of broken beds, not bc of a high body count, but bc he actually breaks the bed everytime he sleeps w someone

Jimin

spaces out when ur wearing a low cut top bc hes too busy staring at ur cleavage 

his streak snaps are either mirror pics, his abs, mirror pic of his abs, and occasional dick pics

“wanna play 20 questions (;”

“we’ve played 20 questions like 20 times already”

“ok gr8 ill start first: will u let me hit it from the back??”

offers to netflix and chill all the time and it sux bc he actually knows all ur fav shows

ok let me reiterate, jimin knows all ur favorite anythings bc he listens to u 75% of the time bc he thinks ur voice is sexy 

will never fail to compliment you when u look good 

“damn baby, is this all for me????”

“no i just dont want to look like a hobo today”

gets super jealous when any other guys speak to u even tho hes piping down like 8 other girls 

“jimin they’re my frIENDS ur not even my bf why u tripping”

“they arent acting like theyre ur friends. i know fuckboy behavior when i see it (y/n) its my occupation, i do the same shit w girls”

“thats good then, someone else wants me too”

“not good bc ur HOT ASS IS MINE )-:”

youre saved as #1 babygirl on his phone no objections

walks into class with a new hickey in a new place every day 

he has SEX EYES u could never look him directly in the eyes bc theyre so captivating 

fucking walks like an arrogant prick down the hall and whistles when u pass 

brags about his big dick when its honestly not as exaggerated as he says 

has a picture of you in one of his shirts as his homescreen wallpaper 

Taehyung

“i wont show anyone, im not messed up like that” yea be careful w this one honey, pretty sure jungkook, hobi, yoongs, namjoon all know how ur tits look like

has the perfect innocent face where u have no idea that he’s fucking 4 other girls

always responds after 12 am and calls u at 3 am 

“tae im fucking sleeping”

“damn thats hot what else u doin??”

“hanging up on u goodbye im going to block ur number”

“pls don-”

uses the line, “i just dont think we’re compatible” on E V Ery GIRL 

offers to hangout but never follows up with it bc he’s never seen out in public with a girl unless its his momma 

“jasmine is telling everyone you gave her chlamydia, u get checked bro??”

“dont worry about it”

body count means a lot to him 

loves hugs bc he likes feeling boobs squished against him

sometimes INTENTIONALLY lowers his voice bc he KNOWS ur into that shit 

thinks youre playing hard to get when rlly u just dont care lol

“i know u want all of this, (y/n)”

“i think ur mistaken”

“right bc i want all of u (:” 

“ya tae let’s not get ur feelings mixed w mine ok thx u”

NO SUCH THING AS PERSONAL SPACE the boy is a koala and will latch onto u 

Jungkook

the biggest fuckboy of them all

has slept w almost every girl in the school and is v proud of it

“what’s your name again”

“rlly jungCOCK” 

“ok (y/n) i know ur fkcing name so can u learn mine”

u dont think he’s ever had a gf b4 bc he doesnt believe in labels OR commitment which hes pretty vocal abt 

unlike jimin, he doesnt own up to his dick pics and swears that they were “”accidents””

SCrEENsHOTS! but ur smart so ur face is NEVER in ur pics

“who’s boobs r on ur phone kook”

“yours”

“you WOULDNT DARE”

“i dont have photogenic memory (y/n) i wanted to remember those cuties without a shirt on (;”

looks too fucking good w a fresh cut that u need to avoid him in the halls or ull melt to goo

only owns white tees and timbs lmao hahahaha 

smirks when you bend down to pick something up 

that or he yells, “one more time, babe!”

“wat u doin”

“showering”

“without me!!1???” 

he’s on tinder too so once he’s done with the sampling pool at school, he can broaden his horizons 

a car enthusiast and will get offended if u dont think his rims r cool

thinks youre really hot when you yell at him or hurt his feelings 

youre his prized possession bc he actually likes talking to u but will never admit it 

has a specific nickname for u that he doesnt call his other girls bc its YOURS !! 

“hey cutie”

“hey jungCOCK”

hates the nickname jungCOCK 

[sundrenched-smilez]

odd numbers for the lesbian asks! (if it's too many just do every 4th one maybe?)

1. Femme or butch? 

for type, im vry easily wooed by butches tbh

as for myself, im genderfluid + heavily lean towards butch-ish for one gender + have been gettin more comf w that term for myself. the 3 genders i switch between, ive described as sharp, dainty and tired, for reason of not really being comf w gender labels aside from nonbinary. sharp/tired r kinda butchish, moreso sharp. like leather jackets, ripped jeans, dress pants/shirts, defs flannels (which r a given for any mood im in tbh) while tired is like mb softer, more focused on flannels + loose tank tops/shirts, shorts + certain skirts, comfy clothes, and the like   

ive found that i’m leaning more towards butch lately too, like i’ve been a lot more comfortable with pants and a nice top than i have w dresses or most skirts + im wondering if i was just hanging on to femininity for sake of society, so those r things 2 think abt. i still feel comf in them sometimes, but it’s getting much less often. gender’s weird, i still cant cling to one bc of how pressuring that is so genderfluidity is still smth for me + it shifting to different percentages is okay (im thinking out loud @ this point, but its helping so i hope its interesting to read)

3. Plaid button-ups or leather jackets?

both, but primarily flannels/plaid buttion-ups

5. Describe your aesthetic

aaahh theres a lot of diff aesthetics i could go into, but i have a tag if ur interested in a visual representation? basically, cosy homes, forests, wooden steps and bridges, cats, girls/nbs, water, plants, and old video game stuff, and clouds/skies. i’m sure there’s more in there, but for a good rule of thumb !! as for like dressing aesthetic, i like to look rly gay + attractive and a lil showy? like my shorts r Short and i love crop tops + a lot of my shirts show my bra thru them, + i like showing it when i can, like sports bra + a tank top is a fav look of mine bc i can make it look like my bra is a trim on the shirt + it’s cute. i’ve been wearing dresses less often, but occasionally, i like to rock one. id love a pair of combat boots but i have like size 11/12 feet + most stores dont carry that size + im hesitant to buy some online. 

7. Favorite pair of shoes?

its rly hard to find any, i have like walmart converse knockoffs atm + theyre a beige/grey color im not that huge on, it kinda reminds me of sandalwood but depressed

9. Any haircut goals for the future? 

there was the undercut!! and i have that down now c: next step is to dye it blue and mb some purple. i wanna bleach it if i’m gonna dye it, but im hesitant to do that bc of how damaging it is, but since my hair’s been cut a cpl time almost all the color is out now, so i think itll b ok if i take good care of it. 

11. Describe the worst date you’ve been on

i went to a cafe w someone (i think they were nb but i cant remember, it was like 2 yrs ago about ) and they were impossible to talk to bc they just kept saying “im awkward sorry” @ everything and like any conversations i tried to maintain were all one-shot responses, and like that was a lil frustrating. like i dont hold it against them or anything, more in a sense of i was rly tryin 2 carry it and just couldnt 

13. If taken, talk about your girlfriend/wife!

whooh i wish i was taken, i need affection + to b cute w someone 

15. Describe your dream wedding

hmmmm i havent thought much about it !! i know when i was younger i wanted to wear a black wedding dress but now im thinkin mb a suit that switches to dress @ the bottom?? that could b cool. I’d be happy w anything tbh, if im getting married, i’d just b happy to be w my wife/spouse. mb somewhere in a forest or on a boat would b cool, defs lots of good food and colorful flowers. I’d like a lot of color, most weddings ive been to are just b/w and bland for my taste (they’ve also all been straight tho so theres that.) it’s kind of wild to think that i might b married someday, but it’d b rly nice. i just haven’t thought much abt the planning of one. it’d b rly gay tho, probs give out tiny gay flags at each seat, and the cake could b lesbian flag colors. im rly drawing a blank on this, but i know id want all my friends around the country + world to be there. 

17. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

i definitely want to live in a port town at some point !! idk where i’d like to settle down, ideally somewhere that doesnt get much hotter than 90 degrees + has lots of parks + is big enough for some events, like pride stuff, little festivals, a farmer’s market, and places to do things, such as a movie theater, bowling alley, mb an aquarium, if not one in a nearby town. hiking trails r also good. 

19. Favorite lesbian novel/story?

on a sunbeam!!! its a huge inspiration for me, and i love it so much. it always puts me in such a good mindset when i read it, and the artist is my age, so it makes me feel like I can also accomplish great things if i rly put my heart into it!! which is such a good feeling, and it has great representation + characters that i love, and its rly gay, and in space and theres ships shaped like fish + its gorgeous : D i could go on for hrs abt it + how important it is to me. theres an nb character too, and like the aspect of found families is one that rly hits home and it helped me get thru a rough time of my life + better accept myself as queer/gay. 

21. Favorite lesbian musician?

adult mom (tho i think they’re bi but still gay), or hayley kiyoko

23. Ever been assumed to be nothing more than a gal pal?

i think so, but i can’t place when, it’s been a bit. 

25. Be positive! What do you like most about being a lesbian?

talking abt being gay w other girls/nbs is lovely and cathartic, i never got to growing up bc i lived in a homophobic town + i was like dealing heavily with internalized homophobia and body/gender dysphoria so i was ace for a bit. talking more abt like sexual attraction + aesthetic attraction is new to me, and that’s been a process to get to, but it’s nice that I can now do so w/o being belittled or barraged by insult. i also just love the thought of being w someone, and daydreaming abt when that happens is really nice. also,, girls + nbs r a blessing and brighten my day and im so glad im attracted 2 them 

27. Turn ons?

absolutely communication, that’s a need. i had a bad experience w someone bc she wasn’t communicative at all, and failed to tell me that we weren’t dating despite us going on several dates + kissing??? like i wont go too into it, but hatchi matchi it was a mess. so yeah, communication, affection, and like reassurance that they actually want to be with me, and that my presence is wanted and enjoyed. I got a lot of “i dont care”s for answers last sort-of relationship, and that was rly discouraging. another turn on is for them to initiate talking and things, like holding hands or planning to hang out + such. consent is another big one. 

29. Do you usually ask other women out or do you wait for them to ask you?

i usually tend to ask them out, but im still dealing w internalized junk, so its difficult. i also havent any situations in which they liked me back, which is frustrating. like i got lead on earlier summer for abt a month until i asked what we were doing + didnt rly get an answer, and it was this whole mess. i generally try to make the first move tho, bc i know firsthand how difficult it is, but that being said, it’s still hard for me to know for sure if theyre interested + i dont wanna make things uncomf w them, so i’ll wait until i think there might b attraction. that being said, once that’s all out of the way, i like to consider myself a good flirt when im trying. 

31. Talk about your interests or hobbies!

i have lots of interests!! im obsessed w steven universe, its my fav show (and if u ever have time, we should totally watch it together sometime, i rly think you’d love it, it’s super gay + heartwarming.) i really love playing music and learning new songs, which im rly great at memorizing. talking to friends + gettin 2 know them better is always nice and fun. i like to draw new things + see the different ways ppl draw, so seeing art on here is always fun for me. i’m also rly into polygon videos (it’s a youtube channel, not like videos abt polygon haha) and this podcast called the adventure zone. season one just ended, so i might start listening to another one called friends at the table. i rly wanna start a podcast w someone, but can never find anyone to start it with. idk what I’d talk abt but if i could find a partner for it, i think it’d be a lot of fun. mb smth abt games or books/queer representation in media. doing a dnd podcast would also b rly fun, but a lot of work + editing so mb later down the road !! im blanking on other interests atm, but animations and cartoons r lovely and i aim to make something in that field one day, if not just a comic.

my hobbies r mostlyyyy drawing, dnd things now every thursday, hanging w my friends, playing video games, sometimes writing (i rly wanna start a comic, and im tryin to get my butt into gear on it), goin to parks, listening to music, and goin 2 events w roe + cesar, two of my friends. sometimes ill play music!! i need to get more than the keyboard i’m lending, but i love performing. ill also watch leg birds on youtube, theyre a lesbian couple that plays gams + theyre rly sweet. 

33. Do you love easily or does it take time for you to warm up to someone?

its easy for me to love friends, doesnt usu take me more than a few months of knowing them if were talking a lot. as for falling in love, that takes me a lot longer. ive never rly been in love w someone. i thought i was once, but rly it was just my first gay experience w someone and i wanted it to be perfect so i projected a lot of things + made it better than it seemed to myself for the duration of it, which wasn’t healthy, so i wanna avoid doing that again, + take things slower next time. or at least for what they are. 

35. Ever fallen for a straight girl?

a few times, they were just crushes tho, so it wasnt too too bad

37. Favorite comfort food?

hot cocoa or tea. as for food food, i dont think i have one. mb french toast or cinnamon rolls. 

39. Vegetarian? Vegan? None of the above?

i used to be a vegetarian!! for like a yr, but it was difficult for me to eat and feel full, and i was pretty underweight, so i stopped. 

41. Early-riser or night-owl?

both, i tend to stay up, but getting up early can be nice if i dont have to do anything. like just gently waking + making some tea and a nice breakfast + sittin around for a bit. 

43. What is your Myers-Briggs type?

enfp-a 

45. At what age did you know you were a lesbian?

i think like 16-17? it took me a bit to get words for identity, like lesbian/nonbinary and the like, but i always knew, like id call myself an individual as opposed to gendered terms that i was referred to, and always felt rly yucky w deadname + the wrong pronouns

47. Are you crushing on anyone at the moment (celebrity or otherwise)?

ive got one crush atm !! and another person who seems nice, but i wanna hang out w before like thinking abt a crush (im poly, which perhaps goes w/o saying, but i always like to state it when talking abt these things, jic )

49. Talk about your dreams/aspirations for the future

i’d like a partner or two, to get some bongos- i got to play some a couple weeks ago, and it was the most fun i’ve had playing anything!! having smth with an instant response that i could make up rhythms with was really rewarding and so much fun. i know i want a cat at some point, to go on cute dates + cuddle and kiss a lot w someone, to visit my friends in other places, dye my hair, get a better job, to travel a bit, make a comic, go to college for animation and storyboarding, mb go to camp at some point, and I’d like to make some more friends here, i’m already making some, which i’m super happy about, but it’s always nice meeting new ppl 

thank u for asking!! this was relaxing + fun, and a lot of the topics were cathartic to talk about, and i needed it. so thanks for listening too kinda

also im queen of commas, i’ve discovered while typing this

[chokemeseokjin]

for that ask thing... do em all... all 170... do it 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

OK LET’S DO THIS

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? I wish I was like 5′6″ tbh i’m too tall2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) fucking dragon mate3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? I like kinda cute pastel shit but not really girly? does that even make sense?4: What was your favorite video game growing up? Nintendogs?5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: My gf, bees and flowers6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? Approach with caution, cries easily and afraid of loud noises7: What is your opinion on Mo being unfaithful to Jimin? Unsurprising and relatable (ily)8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] IDK9: Are you ticklish? incredibly pls don’t touch me10: Are you allergic to anything? I’m lactose intolerant so… yeah11: What’s your sexuality? bi bi bi12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? tea i am a brit after all13: Are you a cat or dog person? B O T H14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? vampire fam that’d be so cool15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? either Dan and Phil or Tomska, Dan and Phil are one in my head ok shut up16: How tall are you? 5′10″ :)))17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? Evie bc that was what i was going to be called and I would prefer it,,,,18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] idk fam19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? kinda?20: Do you like space or the ocean more? S P A C E FAM THE STARS ARE JUST !!!!21: Are you religious? nah22: Pet peeves? When ppl walk really slowly in the middle of the fucking pavement23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]? nocturnal24: Favorite constellation? gemini obviously where my hoes at25: Favorite star? Kim Seokjin26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? the fuck are they?27: Any phobias or fears? the dark n clowns28: Do you think global warming is real? yes???29: Do you believe in reincarnation? yeah i guess I do30: Favorite movie? Super 8! Pls watch it! support my kids!31: Do you get scared easily? yes like seriously easy32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime? 233: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.] BEST BLOG EVER 10/10 WOULD LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE AMEN34: What is a color that calms you? Pastel blue35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? Japan and Hawaii! 36: Where were you born? hospital in my home town37: What is your eye color? very blue38: Introvert or extrovert? introvert39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? I think they’re interesting but the ones in magazines n shit are bullcrap40: Hugs or kisses? hugs pls41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? my gf :(42: Who is someone you love deeply? ur mum43: Any piercings you want? more on my ears and maybe my nose44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? yes!!!!45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so? i have yh46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! how to describe min yoongi,,,,47: What is a sound you really hate? metal being like dragged along something u know what i mean48: A sound you really love? kim seokjin when he gets lines :))))49: Can you do a backflip? no i’m not jungkook50: Can you do the splits? nearly lol51: Favorite actor and/or actress? I lov Andrew Garfield with all my heart 52: Favorite movie? u asked this already but I’ll chose another one soooooooo um Breakfast Club bc i am a white girl53: How are you feeling right now? sleepy54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? same colour it is now tbh55: When did you feel happiest? sleeping56: Something that calms you down? watching youtube videos specifically gaming ones idk why but it’s rlly calming57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] probably lmao58: What does your URL mean? i want. kim seokjin. to choke me. ok? are we clear? 59: What three words describe you the most? a fucking loser60: Do you believe in evolution? yeah61: What makes you unfollow a blog? posting rude/mean stuff or just if I don’t enjoy their content anymore, i don’t mean any harm or anything lol62: What makes you follow a blog? if it’s pretty/memes63: Favorite kind of person: nice people who’re funny and caring and actually give a shit about me and other ppl, not just themselves64: Favorite animal(s): meerkats, giraffes n bees65: Name three of your favorite blogs. @oh-no-its-mo​ @jinsasleep​ @taechy​66: Favorite emoticon: i’m on my laptop!!!! the sparkly heart!67: Favorite meme: um idk? the in tarnation one is p funny atm tho68: What is your MBTI personality type? fuck i can’t remember the rarest one i know that for sure69: What is your star sign? Gemini, come fight me70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? no jfc she wont even sit when i ask the hoe71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? denim mini skirt thing, tights n some cute top 72: Post a selfie or two? no73: Do you have platform shoes? i am tall enough74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? I hate potatoes 75: Can you do a front flip? no jfc76: Do you like birds? yah77: Do you like to swim? I’m baically Rin tbh78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? Swimming i have no balance 79: Something you wish didn’t exist: donald trump80: Some thing you wish did exist: free traveling 81: Piercings you have? 5 in ma ears82: Something you really enjoy doing: writing and dying83: Favorite person to talk to: my gf84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? yo it was awful i was superwholock bullshit asshat i still hate myself for it i’ve been here too long85: How many followers do you have? 983!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? FUCKING HELL NO87: Do your socks always match? no88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? yes89: What are your birthstones? emerald 90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? dragon91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? oh fam a fuckin scabious they’re the shit92: A store you hate? superdrug93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? i had 6 one day it was a mistake94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? flyyyyyyy95: Do you like to wear camo? yes sir96: Winter or summer? summer97: How long can you hold your breath for? i can swim a length of the pool underwater98: Least favorite person? donald trump99: Someone you look up to: is it cheesy to say namjoon?100: A store you love? the fat ass topshop on oxford street101: Favorite type of shoes? cute ballet flats102: Where do you live? LDN 103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? bacon104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? i just thought of that fucking goat meme bye105: Do you drink milk? no i would die106: Do you like bugs? some107: Do you like spiders? small ones108: Something you get paranoid about? e v e r y t h i n g109: Can you draw: a little tho i’m sure others would disagree110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? idk fam i haven’t rlly been asked one111: A question you hate being asked? is ur hair naturally that colour112: Ever been bitten by a spider? no113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? yah114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? sunny!115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: my gf jfc how many times have i answered with that 116: Favorite cloud type: penis shapes ones117: What color do you wish the sky was? pink118: Do you have freckles? yah 119: Favorite thing about a person: their laugh120: Fruits or vegetables? fruit121: Something you want to do right now: sleep tbh122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? sky123: Sweet or sour foods? sour? i dont rlly like sweet stuff much124: Bright or dim lights? in between aaaaaye125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? unicorns i read a book when i was little that convinced me126: Something you hate about Tumblr: drama and ppl caring too much about shit that dont matter127: Something you love about Tumblr: making friends and seeing ppls amazing art!128: What do you think about the least? what a weird question um idk slugs?129: What would you want written on your tombstone? fucking finally130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? Saitama? to see how much it would hurt131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? my entire being132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? i dont smile at all if i can help it133: Computer or TV? computer134: Do you like roller coasters? sort of135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? motion yess not sure about sea136: Are your ears lobed or attached? attached137: Do you believe in karma? yes138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? a strong -4139: What nicknames do you have/have had? El, Ellz, Petra, Sharpay, bitch, hoe, shut up ellen140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? yeah141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? nope142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? Good most of the time143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? giving!!!!!!144: What makes you angry? rude people145: How many languages do you speak fluently? two146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? anyone who’ll have me tbh147: Are you androgynous? no148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: my eyes?149: Favorite thing about your personality: i guess i’m kind idk150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. my gf (again), Jess and Ellie151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? dinosaurs, i would make them my children152: Do you like BuzzFeed? their snapchat thing always makes me laugh153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.] through this god damn website thanks to pepekwan,  romance at it’s finest kids154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? yes155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? yes156: What embarrasses you? literally everything157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: again, literally everything158: Biggest lie you have ever told: i’m straight 159: How many people are you following? too many160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? 46,715 JFC161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? none162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? 1,758163: Last time you cried and why: i can’t actually remember 164: Do you have long or short hair? medium!!!!!!165: Longest your hair has ever been: nearly to my waist166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon? never really affected me tbh, people can believe what they want to beleive as long as they’re not hurting anyone/ pressuring anyone to believe in it too167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? not really no168: Do you like to wear makeup? yeah u dont wanna see me without it169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? no?????170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? yes I have ur welcome Mo ily

i didnt check this so sorry if there are mistakes lol 

[dedicatedrambler-blog]

Rambunctious by me, published in the Hart House Review (2018)

Words:

Rambunctious Hadiyyah Kuma

My spelling bee medal is a paperweight for my calendar. You know how when you have a calendar near a window and when the window is open it blows up the pages so you can see the next month? I hate seeing the next month, it makes me think about what homework I will get and how much I will grow. My mom says I’m getting fat. February is my birthday, but report cards come out in February. So I put the medal there and Lilly comes over to teach me math and she’s like, “what’s the medal for?” She has blue eyes and they look darker when she’s in my room because the light sort of grabs them and then drops them like when you open and close a cabinet of metal dishes.

For a second I can’t remember but then she turns it over in her hands like it’s something delicate and even though it’s heavy and reads the little inscription. Even the font is like crap. It’s like a magazine for under-twelve-year olds. She reads it out loud in this proud way that sounds like love and I hate it.

“Bee Academy’s Spelling Bee. Third prize!”

She thinks it’s cute, I know she thinks it’s cute and adds to my character. Girls like her stay stuff like that because they read it in Teen Vogue I think. I tell her it was a long time ago. I tell her she doesn’t have to read it like that because it was only third place anyway. “I can’t even remember what the word was,” I say. She asks me how many other kids were in the spelling bee. I say I don’t know, I tell her it didn’t matter. She keeps pressing me, I don’t why she does that. Trying to suck all my feelings out, psychoanalysis or something. That’s not what she’s for, she’s here to teach me geometry.

So she keeps asking and then I say like, “maybe ten.” She keeps telling me that I should be proud of myself. It’s like when those people told me to make a list of all my accomplishments and look at it so that I would be more confident. My skills would come out in the list I guess they meant. I didn’t write it, besides, my mom thought that was stupid I could tell because she sucked her cheeks into her head.

Lilly, she dresses nice and she always has her hair up, not like mine. I’m a mess, she’s neat. She’s what my mom wanted for a daughter. Her hair is less frizzy than mine, so it’s easier to brush. My mom says to me, “be more lady like,” almost every day. I have to watch how I’m sitting on the couch. I have to brush my teeth without spitting too much. I can’t fart in front of my brother. I’ve never seen Lilly fart or spit but I know she has to because everyone in the world probably does. Except my mom doesn’t see everyone she just sees me and my brother.

Anyway, Lilly goes on a little more with that and then she says she’s thinking about what kind of kid I’d be in grade three. I say like maybe I would be exactly the same because it’ s only been four, five years anyway, but I know she doesn’t buy it. Sometimes she does this thing where she bites her nails until they’re stubs. I used to do that too, but I stopped so I beat her there. That’s not the only thing that’s not perfect about Lilly. She’s shorter than me, which is weird because I’m the shortest person in my grade. The night after I got a blood test, she comes over and tries to teach me about limits. I can’t think though, I keep looking out the window and feeling my chest with my thumb because it’s wound up, my chest. I heard it humming, a buzz inside of me like those big bugs that leave their skin all over the place. She asks me why I got a blood test and I explain that they wanted to see if the problem was in my head or my blood and she says “okay.” She doesn’t ask me anything else so I tell her how it was, getting blood sucked out of you through a thin plastic string. I wasn’t scared of the needle because my mom was there. When my mom is there I can get stabbed in the eye and still be smiling. Later Lilly says, “let’s just talk then, you seem distracted.”

So we talk and she asks me where my parents are from. I say my grandparents are from India because my mom told me not to answer that question if anyone asked, especially white people. She told me not to talk about my dad either, which is fine because I don’t want to. But Lilly picks up on things like that. I tell her about my dad and she holds my hand because she thinks it’s sad they’re divorced and my mom has that giant scar on her arm because he cut her there with a meat knife. It doesn’t hurt anymore. I feel good when she holds my hand but she doesn’t really know why she’s sad. She thinks she’s sad because she thinks I’m sad about it. I’m not sad about it. These things happen you know. I’m happy because it’s not happening anymore. I’m happy it did happen because it made my knuckles stronger. It makes me think people like Lilly are sometimes stupid. They get angry and sad and their eyebrows bunch up because they think that’s what I want. I don’t want anybody feeling like that for me. I decide I won’t tell her anymore stuff like that.

Lilly’s birthday is on a Tuesday so I buy her cupcake on the way home from our school. She comes around seven, a little later than usual because she was with her friends, Janey and Iara. I don’t like them too much because Janey doesn’t say hi to me when I say it to her on the street. Iara is okay, Iara asks me how I am, but she does it in the kind of way that makes me feel shorter than Lilly even though I’m taller than her. I ask the baker to put a one and a five in there because Lilly is fifteen, but she says the cupcake is too small for two candles but if I wanted to write her name on it it’d be an extra five dollars. I pay the five dollars because I like the shape of the ‘y’ at the end of her name.

Lilly likes the cupcake and gives me sort of a pat on the cheek which makes my body really hot and I have to swallow. I’m lucky I’m not a boy. You should see my brother at the beach, one time he ripped his swim trunks because he was looking at a girl with big boobs or whatever guys like. It makes me laugh when I think about it, but he was so embarrassed he actually cried in the bus home. My mom yelled at him for it, so I punched him on the shoulder to make him stop crying.

I watch Lilly eat the cupcake and crumbs fall out of her mouth and onto her lap in my bedroom. She’s wearing tight black jeans. I reach over like slow and brush the crumbs off her jeans slowly and she looks at me for a long time and then says she has to go. The next day Lilly calls over the phone and tells me that she’s been accepted to Peaman’s Prep in Victoria for her “studies” next year and that she has leave in two weeks because her family is moving to BC. The way she says it makes it sound like she’s being forced against her will, but I don’t think so because she sounded happy near the end. She sounded relieved. I know it’s probably a white people school so I search it up on Google and find a bunch of pictures of blonde girls in green checkered skirts and sweater vests. I wouldn’t wear a skirt if you paid me a gazillion bucks, but these people’s eyes are wide and their teeth are white so I guess they’re happy. She doesn’t come and see me before she leaves. I just know when she leaves because Janey and Iara really don’t talk to me anymore. They just look at each other and put their hands in their pockets. My mom says while I’m eating a chicken leg for dinner that my brother will tutor me now because she’s paying him five bucks a week. My brother changes the dial on the TV and rolls his eyes up into his shiny forehead when she says that.

The doctor’s secretary lady Angela calls my mom the same day Lilly leaves because they want to talk about the blood test results. We have to make an appointment for the next week. It’s going to rain three days next week so my mom chooses the day that it’s not going to rain. But I don’t care about any of that I’m not even thinking about that now.

I sit on my bed staring at the spelling bee medal from four years ago. Third prize. I don’t think I’m going to be first in anything for a long time, I just feel like that. I got a B+ on my last math test but that was four days ago. And a B is not first, it’s second. I remember the word now, “r-a-m-b-u-c-t-i-o-u-s.” Rambunctious. People always forget the ‘n.’ It makes me feel smart that I remember. I remember what it means too, “noisy and lacking in restraint or discipline,” I say it out loud so I can remember. My chest sort of unwinds. It’s quiet now, it’s not buzzing. The bugs are called cicadas and they are quiet now.

I call Lilly on the phone and ask her what rambunctious means. It’s quiet for a long time and then she says, “I don’t know.” She says it in a sort of sealed off voice, not like the one she uses when she talked to me about math. I don’t tell her what it means because she can look it up herself.

When I hang up I take the medal down. I push my shirt up and lie down with the medal on my stomach. It’s nice and cool and reminds me of Lilly’s fingers when she held my hand. Not Peaman Prep Lilly, the Lilly that thought third place was something special. Later, I take out my notebook and down write down names and words that I like. Rambunctious is the first, then my own name, then Lilly’s because I still like the ‘y.’ I’m going to write a story.