#this is another type moment where i go ''hey watch this *gets super invested in a character nobody cares about* ah shit ive done it again''

[the-king-of-lemons]

stares. angelico on tv.....

[madeedam]

Letter for My Past : The 20s

It's my last 20s.

And I feel old - ancient to be honest.

I start to resonance the struggle that adults feel & think right now. All of the problems in one plate. Finances, house, job & career, friends and of course, spouse.

For this moment, I want to let go the present problems and go back to the past. What did I do for the past 10 years.

2014 (20) - My second year in Jogja.

I remember there was a volcano eruption back then, which disable almost all transportation type. My plane even got canceled and should go with the train. College life was good and full of drama with my circles. It was like having a 2nd family in Jogja with my circles back then, until some of us ruin with by falling in love with each other. True story

2015 (21) - My Third Year in Jogja.

My best friend fell in love my best friend which create drama and awkwardness between us. Things were never been the same. But the silver lining, I got free motorcycle to use since this couple stick with each other almost every second.

I also fell in love with a Javanese girl - never want to fall into the trap of 'different religion' again but yes I was a donkey back then. Spent community service in Bali - watch Calon Arang live with all of the odd things happen (i.e: a random spirit got inside in random people and start to each a chicken. One fckin chicken - and you know I am not talking about McD & KFC here).

2016 (22) - My Fourth Year in Jogja

Me & best friend go to Manado, for exact, Lahendong, where a geothermal site in place. We were having an intern there. Watch a lot of turbines move by the stream produce by earth to generate some electricity. Nature really pamper us. I used to an engineer back then for God sake.

We were also experiencing Bunaken with budget-cost. And what were the odds, they are having a 'festival panen' on the day we visit. So we sleep free in one of the house, rent a boat and go for snorkeling on Bunaken and drink lot of alcohol (me of course) to respect the local. From Cap Tikus to pure Gin. In the morning, everyone get wasted in the street. Good old days.

We miss our circles graduation (yes they graduate in August), while we back to Jogja in early September. And I become lab assistant for a process simulation software - while waiting for graduate in November.

2017 (23) - Say Goodbye to Jogja & Back to Jakarta

On Feb, I should say goodbye to Jakarta and my Jojga's girlfriend back then. A lot of tears back then, since I left my heart on both of them. Little did I know lot of drama occurs later on because of the Long Distance Relationship. Double the damage since in my case it was also a Love Different Religion.

Meanwhile I was starting to feel like a burden in my family back then. Struggling to get a job due to my abnormality with eyes. One of the hardest moment in my life. I compare myself with all friends a lot, where they already got a stable-high-paying job. Lowest point.

Turns out the path pave me to get a Master Degree first in one of Jakarta's business school - fortunately with scholarship. Bought me another 1,5 years of study life, which was super-easy compare to the engineering material.

I won some, I lose some. Breakup with my Jogja's girl and should move on with my life here. With some swipes right, I met a girl which turns out become my wife now. I met TIka. I even my cringe line,

"Ini Gusti nya Gusti orang Jawa atau orang Bali ya?" I said. "Orang Bali nihh" She said. "Akhirnyaa. What are the odds akhirnya bisa ketemu orang Bali di T-stuff ini haha."

Yes, technology was sucks and breaching all the privacy but hey it helped me to find my wife. Thanks T-stuff.

2018 (24) - Graduate, Investment Bank & Consulting Work.

Focusing my major in Finances and brought myself to the stock market. I thought I will start-off my career there with one ambition: earn as much money as I can. I was late 2-years in the job market, I need to have a head-start on mine.

Met lot of crazy guy on the stock market. Some parts were 'fishy' and it was crazy how money flew in & flew out in a big & fast manner. Ever see the Wolf of Wall Street? Not that extreme but I manage to witness some if it. Deep in my heart, I ask myself, is this what I want for the rest of my life?

Due to scholarship, I need to work as consultant as part of the deal. Low-paid consultant as we speak. Those experiences with State-Owned Enterprises, Ministry and some of the Non-Profit Organization feel like more suitable with me. I know the stuff will be lot of paperwork and deck. Sometimes financial modeling. But it least it feel more 'clean' & 'healthy' than the Investment Bank side.

Things were good with family & my relationship with Tika. Things went super smoothly - except my finances lol.

2019 (25) - End of Consulting & Being Hijacked to SoE

Things were good in consulting. Working late sometimes but got a gym on my workplaces. Start a new healthy habit.

I know workplace was also a drama place. Start to recognizing & observing how things were going in the office beyond the visible one. Look on which part was the strong one and the weak one.

One of the biggest project I take was about Risk Management. Back then i know a mentor on my consulting project, resign and create his own. Out of sudden he contact me and ask whether am I available for another company.

One of SoE was looking for a Risk Manager for National Strategic Project and he would like to recommend me to that job. Network & Words of Mouth were everything right? That was a big leap for me. I even ask myself, did I really qualify for the job? But I let them to score & evaluate me.

Long-story short, i got the job. It was a good decision to take that leap. Even though the landing was not that smooth...

2020 (26) - Construction Company & 'Energy' Project

First time manager was always an important experience. I was the youngest one back then. Other managers do nothing but stare me with full of doubt. I did everything to adapt and get their trust. Only time will tell. I prove that I am worth something in three months.

Covid happens.

Everything feels harder than it should. Company going slow. Stock market crash. Construction stuck.

My brother got married. Sentimental moment for me since I slept with him in the same room for the last 2-years. Lot of ideas & chat occurs randomly in the night back then.

Back to work, remember I was looking for something healthy & clean? This workplace was not the answer. Construction was a 'wet' sector where the works were more than a physical & intelligence works. Negotiation, lobbying, political. One of the darkest years of my life.

The Universe gave me sign. In one occasion, one of my direct report was asking whether I want a long-term career in this sector. I said, I feel like did not belong here. Then she told about how the life goes for her, as a daughter of someone who work in this particular sector.

She was crying as she told the story how his dad was never be part of her life. Miss the big moments. Less quality time with her. Lot of money she admit, but lot of missing parts of a family life. I thought that's it.

At the end of my 1-year, I resign - without a backup plan. Just rely on my savings and re-start my career in other sector. At the same time, things were getting serious with Tika. We were planning for another stage of our life, with all of my weakness at the moment.

2021 (27) - ERP Project & Retailers

I was unemployed for three-months. I remember how I do a freelance for my friend who work in the stock market. I help my ex-boss to create his own boutique Investment Bank (which didn't work until now I guess).

I got interview in one of my 'dream' brand back when I was a teenager. Even better, I got the job. The start of everything. It was an ERP Project which taught me more than I expect. Meet lot of bright people here, where I could absorb the way they think and express professionally.

I thought this was only my stepping stone. Turns out the definition of Retail is detail, where the devil is in the details were right. The universe pave me to this path, a company that work for a good one.

2022 (28) - Fresh Start in a New Function

My mentor move to new position in the company, where he offer me a position to help him there. Supply chain.

I never thought I would end-up have a career in this function to be honest. Start as a transformation role, who helps everyone to leverage tech on their work. Things were happen and I was trusted to be a Planner at the end of the year.

This year was the toughest year of my life since I should build the backbone of supply chain while at the same time, preparing a next-step life with Tika. I glad this year finish with a smile.

2023 (29) - Into an Even Larger Responsibility

I have wife. Wow.

We moved out into a random apartment in BSD. Start to know each other better, the real one. Lot of arguments. I love her cook but I hate when it comes to cleaning up lol. While at the same time, we are looking for a house.

A house. A nest. I did not know if I was ready for it. Financially and mentally. Somehow I still want to wander all over the Indonesia, and the world. I did not want to settle down this fast.

Until again, the Universe pave me a way to the house that I currently live in. It was Instagram Ads! Once again, tech save my life.

While on works, I got more responsibility. More team members to lead on. Learn a lot on the process, especially on the leadership part. It was purely a process of observation, trial & error, sharpen the instinct and reflection to the heart & brain.

The workload were super big but the team warms my heart. Together we went into the darkness to solve the unknown problems (which I felt like getting more and more everyday). But along the process, we were in the 'zone', we still able to laugh and share different taste of music.

What a blessing.

2024 - Now!

Would like to express my gratitude of my 20s. After have a moment of flash back, I learn a lot. Some of them by doing it the hard way, some of it from the observation and some part by listen to the others.

I realize, I was always surrounded by good people, which the universe set to taught me something. To help me pave another way to live.

It was never only my effort that brings me into the current situation.

It was combination of a mother's love (I got two now), friends & colleagues (who never force me to sign an insurance lol) and my spouse who act as a best-friend & enemy at the same time.

Even some random guy and strangers who help me go through the day.

As the years passed by, I realize the one that makes me happy is not a luxury things. A vacation to Maldives sounds nice but I even get happy with the cheap thrills on everyday madness. A laugh with my wife, a meme shared by friends and inside jokes within a family.

I guess I'm ready to get into the 3 now.

Last words, thanks my 20s.

March 17th - 23:59 - Serua, Ciputat

[yami-kada]

Mission 2

Recently I read a fanfic on AO3 called Interlude - Class 1-A by @itslivybear and was inspired a bit to write a fic based on that! Well really I got inspiration for a single line (you'll know it when you see it) and then had to write a whole thing to be able to share that one line, but oh well. This is my first time writing a chatfic or even any BNHA content at all, so I hope it doesn't suck! Thanks to @shadesofflame for being an awesome beta!

(Quick FYI in this AU M*neta and Bakugou are replaced with Shinsou and Monoma, sorry for any confusion. Also a name guide can be found at the bottom.)

RockSolid: Um, so.

RockSolid: Remember the missions during the Sports Festival?

PurpleGrape: Oh hell yeah.

PurpleGrape: Still cherish the look on that bastard's face.

Spoderman: jehxgjc Kiri I got it on video!!!

JazzHands: You've had video of the capture of the bounty this whole time and never showed us???

LSD: I thought we were friends Sero!

Spoderman: omg no not that I totally would have shared earlier if i did

Spoderman: im talking about That.

RockSolid: no Sero don't tell them!

RockSolid: it's embarrassing!

PikaCHU: Tell us, tell us!

NYOOM: Kaminari-kun! If Kirishima-kun wishes to keep his privacy, then it is our duty as his classmates to respect that!

Spoderman: ok but consider: he already gave them a major hint and they are about to POUNCE

BreadIsPain: As a witness as well, I must say that Kirishima was si attirant que j'ai failli m'évanouir~*

RockSolid: thanks, I think?

MOMo: To paraphrase Aoyama, he is essentially saying you were very manly, Kirishima!

RockSolid: aw thanks bro!! Don't believe you but thanks!

Spoderman: you take that lack of confidence back I have evidence right here that says you are super fucking manly!

LSD: ok please now we have to know so that we can show Kiri how great he is!!!

MOMo: I must admit that the commentary seen thus far has me rather curious as well.

RockSolid: You guys…

RockSolid: alright then, I'll tell you!

Spoderman: sweet ill pull it up!

RockSolid: bro don't you dare! my story, I get to tell it!

Spoderman: oh yeah of course bro!!

Spoderman: but if after you wanna show it then i am READY.

JazzHands: This is very sweet and all but I am very thirsty for this TEA.

RockSolid: on it!

Kirby: Kiri you've been typing for so long that I'm getting Izuku vibes here.

GreenGrape: Hey!

RockSolid: sorry! this is harder than I thought!

Spoderman: want me to start it off?

RockSolid: you know what, sure.

Spoderman: aight so,

Spoderman: Council, what qualifies as capturing the bounty?

GreenGrape: Guys no the bounty is over please no more bounty-hunting Kacchan.

MOMo: Your objection is noted and overruled, Izuku.

MOMo: For your question, Sero, I do not believe we ever set specific limitations on what qualified, but I was under the impression that it was limited to the Sports Festival. Why do you ask?

Spoderman: just double checking

Spoderman: because my bro here just totally shot both missions out of the park!!!

LSD: gaSP!!!

JazzHands: bOTH?!

RockSolid: no not both!! we have no confirmation for either, technically!

Kirby: Technically? What do you mean by that?

RockSolid: ahhhh ok so Sero and I were eating lunch in the courtyard because it was nice out, right?!

RockSolid: and we were chillin, being bros, birds were singing, all was good.

RockSolid: and then we heard a small explosion before the bounty walked in at the other end of the courtyard and started kicking at the wall.

PikaCHU: omg so angy.

RockSolid: and like fine, we can tune him out, just try to act like he's not there, you know?

RockSolid: But then he started yelling at random people in the courtyard, just acting pissed as hell.

PikaCHU: oMG so ANGY.

RockSolid: and that's just not manly at all, you know? going off on people like that just because you're in a bad mood.

GreenGrape: Yeah… that's Kacchan for you.

RockSolid: so he's making his way around the courtyard now, like everyone needs their daily dose of asshole for him to be happy, and the closer he got the more annoyed I got.

Spoderman: here it comes!

RockSolid: and eventually I get up, because I have had just about enough, and walk right up to him.

RockSolid: he doesn't see me coming, because he was too busy yelling at some girl, and I get right up behind him.

RockSolid: and then I just called out to get his attention, and spun him to face me while making sure I end up between him and the girl.

RockSolid: and well I told him off a little bit and got him to back off then left in a hurry.

RockSolid: and that's it!

Spoderman: oh no you don't

BreadIsPain: Oui! Monsieur Kirishima, you must tell the climax with just as much zest as the build-up!

Spoderman: what he said! no skipping out on the best part!

RockSolid: but!!!

Jacked: No buts, mister. We're all way too invested now for you to back down.

RockSolid: :(

RockSolid: fine! you win!

RockSolid: so uh when I got his attention, I also got my hand onto his shoulder, and used his surprise to knock his feet a bit off balance and pulled him back, but then I ended up with him in my arms and could tell he was about to start yelling so I just…

RockSolid: you know…

RockSolid: flirted?

LSD: oh my GoD this is great!!!

PikaCHU: Hell yeah Kiri! Go get yourself a manz!

RockSolid: I'm not getting a man! He's probably going to kill me the next time he sees me!

Spoderman: i dunno, it took him a good long while to reboot after what you said there

Spoderman: you might have a shot

PurpleGrape: Well if you're not going to get a man out of this, mind telling us what you said so I can bait him next time he tries to be an ass?

RockSolid: uhhh…

RockSolid: I'm nervous.

BreadIsPain: If you will allow me, I shall finish your tale off dazzlingly!

RockSolid: Thanks Aoyama.

BreadIsPain: Bien entendu!

BreadIsPain: While holding him in his arms tightly in a dip, faces inches apart, Monsieur Kirishima leaned impossibly closer to emphasize his point.

RockSolid: oh god I regret everything.

LSD: Hush, it's getting good!

BreadIsPain: With a growl to his voice and his eyes burning above a smirk, he said "You know, you're damn cute when you're angry, but you'd be downright sexy if you shut the fuck up." Then he straightened up to fling the lost soul to the side, and saunter off like the devil was guarding his back, leaving the bounty terribly confused in his wake.

PurpleGrape: Whoa.

PikaCHU: Holy shit?!

RockSolid: what is that description?!?!?!

JazzHands: Kiri that was PERFECT oh my god?!

LSD: It's ART is what it is!

Spoderman: don't forget how red the guy was! Kiri was cool as a cucumber but the other guy couldn't stop blushing after seeing his face!!!

MOMo pinned a message

RockSolid: Yaomomo!!!

MOMo: My apologies, Kirishima, but I felt it only right to ensure easy access to your most manly moment.

LSD: Yeah Kiri! Then one day we can all look back on this and celebrate how everything started!!

RockSolid: How what started???

LSD: E v e r y t h i n g

RockSolid: @Spoderman bro hide me I’m scared.

Spoderman: hey guys, wanna see a GREAT video?

Spoderman: the stars are our main man, Kiri, and the bounty!

PikaCHU: hell yeah!!!

Jacked: Lay it on me.

PurpleGrape: Sure.

JazzHands: Do you really have to ask????

RockSolid: but I already told you what happened!

RockSolid: why do you want to see me being so embarrassing?

PikaCHU: bro we all appreciate you so much of course we want to see you being manly!

LSD: Just from what you all said there is no way you don’t look great in that vid, Kiri!

PikaCHU: gotta give support where support is due!!

PurpleGrape: They’ll all bully Sero into showing them one way or another anyways, might as well give in now.

RockSolid: but...

BreadIsPain: Nous devons vous montrer à quel point vous brillez et dissiper ces pensées douteuses!**

MOMo: I could not have said it better myself, Aoyama!

RockSolid: I don’t even know what he said though?!?!?!?!?!?!

Spoderman: Kiri.

Spoderman: Bro.

Jacked: Well shoot he’s using proper grammar and everything.

Spoderman: Rude.

Spoderman: Anyways Bro.

RockSolid: yeah?

Spoderman: You are epic. This video shows you being epic. And putting an asshole in their place.

Spoderman: You have nothing to be ashamed of, and every reason to be proud. So please let me show the video so that everyone can appreciate you like you deserve bro.

RockSolid: bro…

Spoderman: Bro.

RockSolid: bro -

Spoderman: Bro?

RockSolid: bro!

Spoderman: aight everyone down to the common room its up on the big screen

Spoderman: i have popcorn too

Jacked: Not even gonna question that.

LSD: Finally!!!

JazzHands: Yuss!!!

BreadIsPain: Je vais regarder avec enthousiasme!***

MOMo: As will all of us I’m sure, Aoyama!

RockSolid: Thanks guys!

RockSolid: Now get down here and watch me maybe get a man!

Translations:

*so attractive that I almost swooned.

**We must show you how much you shine, and dispel those self-doubting thoughts!

***I shall excitedly watch!

Guide to names:

GreenGrape - Izuku

PurpleGrape - Hitoshi

CopyCat - Monoma Neito

MOMo - Yaoyorozu Momo

datBoi - Asui Tsuyu

JazzHands - Hagakure Toru

NYOOM - Iida Tenya

SnowWhite - Kouda Kouji

LifeIsPain - Tokoyami Fumikage

BreadIsPain - Aoyama Yuga

Kirby - Uraraka Ochaco

LSD - Ashido Mina

PikaCHU - Kaminari Denki

RockSolid - Kirishima Eijiro

RipHarambe - Ojiro Mashirao

IcyHot - Todoroki Shoto

MuffinMan - Sato Rikido

Octodad - Shouji Mezou

Jacked - Jirou Kyoka

Spoderman - Sero Hanta

[lovelylogans]

honey, you’re familiar (like my mirror)

see other chapters, notes, and warnings here!

chapter five: obligate mutualism

obligate mutualism: a type of mutualism in which the species involved are in close proximity and interdependent with one another in a way that one cannot survive without the other.

REMY

Emile appears in Nice, squealing and jumping up and down.

“Hey!” Remy says warmly, hugging him; Emile’s joy is so infectious that Remy can feel Emile’s smile stretching across his own face. “What’s got you so happy?”

“They let him off!” Emile says exuberantly. “Rem, they let Remus off! Jay proved that they don’t have anything on him so Remus is free to go!”

“Oh my God, that’s amazing!” Remy says, then, “wait, what was Remus under arrest for?”

“Oh, murder,” Emile says, waving that off, “but Jay proved that Remus was just joking when he was threatening him, so Remus got off! Oh my goodness, he’s out! He can finish his latest book! He can stay with Roman! Yay!”

“Yay,” Remy cheers weakly, wondering what the hell kind of cluster his boyfriend has birthed.

ROMAN

Roman drops a substantial amount of money on champagne on their drive home.

Remus rolls his eyes, but he’s grinning a little bit, so Roman assumes that he’s happy about it. Or maybe he’s plotting how to ruin Roman’s possessions with champagne. One of the two.

Roman opens the door, balancing the champagne bottles in his arms, feeling a lot like he’s forgotten something. He drops his keys into the bowl on the entry table.

“Hey, Roman! Ooh, champagne—on a Tuesday? What, did you land a role with Guillermo del Toro?”

“God, I wish,” Roman says wistfully, then, oh shit I forgot to tell Sasha.

Sasha blinks a couple times before she stands up.

“Um, hey, sweetie,” she says. “Who’s your friend?”

Remus snorts loudly at the fake endearment.

“Um, Sasha,” Roman says, shutting the door behind him. “This is my twin brother, Remus.”

Sasha gawks at Remus. “I didn’t know you had a brother!”

Remus socks him in the shoulder so hard that Roman nearly drops the heavy glass champagne bottle. “You bitch, you said you’d tell her!”

“I forgot?” Roman says weakly.

“I have no idea how you put up with him,” Remus tells Sasha. “Is the convenience of a beard worth hearing him sing Disney in the shower?”

Sasha, looking a little startled that Remus knows the full truth of the deal Roman and her made, rebuts with, “

“Where have you been before this, anyway?” Sasha says.

“Oh, jail,” Remus says brightly.

“Oh, okay,” Sasha says, and, with a level of casualness that frankly stuns Roman, moves on to, “So, I’ve had a gripe with one of your books for forever.”

“Oh?” 

“I didn’t know you read his books,” Roman says, mystified.

“Yeah, I started back when I was doing that slasher pic a year and a half ago, you remember that?” Sasha says. “Helped me pick up on the internal life of a stalking victim. Anyways, the first book I read of yours—”

“Behind the Bushes, I’m guessing,” Remus says.

“Yeah!” Sasha says. “I super love that you subverted the expectations and the victim was the one that slaughtered the stalker, but I do think you could have carried through a threat she was considering through the book.”

“Which threat is that?” Remus says. “I write a lot of threats.”

“She should have castrated him,” Sasha says. “Duh.”

Remus looks at Sasha how an inventor might lovingly look at a device that finally works.

Roman groans, because he should have expected this outcome, and feared it.

“Oh, no,” Roman says. “You’re going to be friends.”

Sasha and Remus give him identical grins full of mischief.

LOGAN

Virgil appears sitting on the counter. Logan isn’t even fazed by the surprise of seeing him, although his heart rate does pick up a little.

Over the past few days, this is the way it’s been, between them; Logan suddenly finding himself looking over Virgil’s shoulder at his dinner when he’d meant to be looking at data charts, Virgil finding himself with handfuls of flowers in the face of the barren landscape of the Antarctic. 

Even when he isn’t actively visiting, Logan still feels that pull, his mind turning to Virgil at the oddest times of day. He tastes coffee when he should be drinking tea. He finds himself idly doodling South African native flora during dinner. He thinks Virgil might like this when he tries to read a novel during his relaxation times and wonders how best to explain the minutiae of his science to another scientist.

“Hey, Logan,” Virgil says, and Logan feels that thrill in his stomach again.

“Hello, Virgil,” he says, after making a show of turning on his Bluetooth, for the benefit of the other scientists in the lab. “How have you been today?”

“Pretty okay,” Virgil says. “My mom said she was gonna see if she could find any of the other sensates down here that my grandma knew, so I might be able to hear more about her cluster.” 

“Excellent!” Logan says. “Be sure to ask if they’re connected to the Archipelago?”

“You and that Neolithic Google,” Virgil says with a lopsided smile. “But, yeah. I’m being careful about it; I know not every sensate’s a great person to connect to. Ergo mom as a mediary.”

“A wise plan,” Logan says. “It does seem like a disadvantage that all that’s needed for a lifetime of connection is a singular instance of eye contact.”

“Maybe I should invest in a really good pair of blocking glasses,” Virgil teases, and he reaches over. Logan hadn’t even noticed they’d been slipping down the bridge of his nose.

Virgil gently nudges Logan’s glasses back into place, his finger resting on Logan’s nose, and Logan’s mouth goes abruptly dry.

This might be the first time one of us has touched the other.

Logan tries to swallow, coughs a little bit, and says, “It could potentially be a wise investment, yes. I’d—um. I’d have to do more research into what exactly would suffice to block eye contact.”

“Yeah,” Virgil rasps, and he clears his throat, too. “Yeah, that’s probably, uh. That’s probably a good thing to ask Emile about.”

“Yeah,” Logan says, and he fruitlessly tries to refocus his attention on his research. He’s much too aware of Virgil’s eyes on him.

JANUS

Janus turns the phone over and over in his hands.

One last job, two more jobs, three more jobs…

He remembers getting arrested for the first time. He remembers the lawyer who got Janus out of it, pro bono, and managed to keep it off his record by the skin of his teeth. 

He thinks about representing Remus in the courtroom; he thinks about the state of his accounts; he thinks about how the threat of jail that Remus would have faced was what spooked him into pursuing a law degree in the first place.

He thinks about Remus and Roman, side-by-side in the courtroom; he thinks about Roman declaring that he doesn’t care if Remus killed him or not.

Roman is an idiot. An idealistic, loyal, altruistic idiot.

Janus is many things. He is not an idiot.

Key, scowling, sits across from him at the restaurant. Sriracha aioli, fried cod. Janus has been here a thousand times before.

He proffers the little box; Key takes it.

“This is my last job,” Janus says.

Key snorts. “I’ve heard that before.”

Janus hands him the burner phone, too.

“Oh shit,” Key says. “For real?”

“For real,” Janus reaffirms. 

“Shit,” Key mutters, sitting back against the booth. They stay quiet. A waitress drops off their meal. They stay quiet for a bit longer.

“Don’t suppose I can lure you back with money,” Key tries to joke.

“No,” Janus says. 

Key heaves a sigh. “All right. Well.”

He moves for his wallet, and Janus shakes his head.

“I’ve got lunch,” he says. “I can appreciate that I’m leaving you in the lurch for a computer guy.”

Key snorts and shakes his head disbelievingly. “Yeah. Somethin’ like that.”

Janus chews the inside of his lip. “If you ever need a lawyer…”

“Yeah,” Key says. He stands. “Yeah.”

Key leaves. Janus stays.

He’s been here a thousand times before. And yet.

PATTON

There’s a hint of spice in his mouth, and Patton rolls over in his bed to see Janus.

“I keep showing up when I should be sleeping, I think,” Patton muses, before he reaches out and takes one of the chips that Janus is neglecting.

Janus snorts. “Roman was stealing those the last time I was here. Perhaps you all keep showing up to eat my food.”

Patton smiles, dipping the chip in the sauce. “Maybe,” he says.

Janus exhales loudly, before he says, “I have a brother too.”

“Oh?” Patton asks, intrigued, and for a moment they’re in Patton’s bed, Patton lying down with his head propped up on his arm, Janus sitting uncomfortably at the corner.

“Unlike Remus, mine did it. Does it,” Janus amends.

Patton frowns. “That’s tough.”

“I did too, until,” Janus checks his watch. “Three minutes ago.”

Patton’s eyebrows lift in surprise, but that’s the only sign he shows. 

“It’s the reason I became a lawyer,” Janus says.

“Oh,” Patton says because that—that clicks. He doesn’t know Janus very well—he will, surely, but he doesn’t yet—but taking on the good-quality job of lawyer for self-protective reasons makes a lot of sense. Janus kind of seems like the type of person to not really want to rely on other people.

“So, I don’t,” Janus says, and he sighs again. “I’ve been chasing down just one more job for years and years, and now…”

“Now, you’re done, and you don’t really know what to do with yourself?” Patton asks sympathetically.

Janus nods and he drinks some of his Ribena. The fizz of blackcurrant condensation pops in Patton’s mouth.

“Can I offer some advice?” Patton says. “You can do whatever you want with it.”

Janus scoffs a little, but he gestures for Patton to go ahead.

Patton takes another chip. “There are a lot of other people who need a lawyer’s help to stay out of jail. Not just sets of brothers.”

He dips the chip, takes a bite, and is back in bed right as a thoughtful look dawns on Janus’s face.

REMUS

Roman’s fake girlfriend is delightful.

They spend almost the entirety of dinner talking about their favorite horror movies—Sasha is quite the aspiring scream queen in her career, so it makes sense that she’s studied the greats—to a point where Roman puts his hands over his ears and went “I can’t hear you, lalalalalalaLALALALALALALA—”

Truly excellent. Especially when Roman had screeched at the top of his lungs when Sasha had gone into an in-depth side tangent about the verity of the special effects of slitting throats in movies.

And now—

“Ooh, that was good!” Remus says eagerly, pointing at the Sasha in the little screen as she gets stabbed.

“Right?!” Sasha says, and they ooh! in unison as the movie gets increasingly bloodier.

“I hate you both,” Roman grouches from where he’s slouched between them, one hand covering his eyes.

Sasha ruffles his hair. “Go ahead and break up with me, then, I’m sure the press will get us both booked like crazy.”

Roman grumbles to himself, and Remus grins at Sasha over Roman’s head.

“If any of my shit gets adapted into movies, I’m absolutely gonna make sure you get cast into a leading role.”

Sasha grins back. “You’re the best fake brother-in-law I could ask for.”

⁂

Sasha is flopped out on the couch, asleep, as the credits of the movie roll in the background.

“Where is your nearest sharpie,” Remus asks, and Roman rolls his eyes, pulling Remus to his feet.

“Leave her alone, Freak-a Kahlo. I’ve got a spot set up for you to sleep.”

“But,” Remus whines, images of lewd drawings dancing in his head, but he allows Roman to pull him away anyway.

Roman has got a little cot set up for him in his room; it’s like they’re ten again, on a trip to see their abuela, except Remus can’t tackle him and wrestle him to the ground for the honor of sleeping on the bed.

Well, he could, but considering Roman posted Remus’s bail, he figures that roman could be allowed to sleep in his own bed.

All the same, it does give Remus a strange sense of deja vu of their (admittedly rare) family vacations; Roman brushes his teeth and does his extensive skincare routine in the bathroom first, then he cajoles Remus into handling his hygiene, please, they’re living together in the same room, eating soap didn’t exactly work to make Remus smell like a spring rose. To which Remus would usually rebut good, he doesn’t want to smell like a spring rose, he wants to smell like sewage, to which Roman goes ugh, how are we twins, how did two people so catastrophically different come out of the same womb, at the same time, to which Remus says it’s payback for stealing my dick in utero, to which Roman says that doesn’t even make any sense, it’s not like I have two, to which Remus says—

It’s a whole familiar argument, anyway. But Remus does at least dunk his head into Roman’s bathtub to get his hair sopping wet and swish around some mouthwash.

They’re both tucked into their blankets, and Remus is staring at the ceiling, wondering at the best ways to ruin Roman’s fancy linens. He thinks Roman’s fallen asleep until his voice pipes up.

“I’m glad you’re not rotting in jail.”

Remus ugly-snorts. “Yeah, I guess I am too.”

“Thanks to our weird psychic lawyer, anyway.”

“And your fuck-off big actor money,” Remus reminds him, rolling over to face him. The room is so dark that he can barely see the outline of Roman’s face. 

“Yeah, honestly, bribing the cops was going to be my next plan if you didn’t show up,” Roman says sleepily.

Remus grins at Roman in the dark. “I’ve been a fantastic influence on you.”

“Incorrect,” Roman grumbles.

“You’ll be watching slashers with Sasha and me in no time.”

“Ugh, I hope not,” Roman says. 

“They’re inspiring!”

“Yeah, to you, Mr. Big Horror Novelist.”

“You know what else is big—”

“Ew! Ew ew ew, I know I set it up, but ew. No.”

“...This—”

“Remus, I’m kicking you out, I swear to God.”

“No, you’re not,” Remus sing-songs, “You were gonna bribe the cops, I’m holding this over your head forever.”

“I didn’t actually bribe the cops.”

“Yeah, but you were gonna,” Remus says. “Funnily enough, that seemed like the biggest case the cops had against me, too. That I was gonna.”

“I know you’re a horror writer, but I hope you don’t write about Miguel,” Roman says. “Might look a bit too If I Did It to the public.”

“Course not,” Remus says, his eyes slipping shut. 

“Good.”

“I’m going to be writing a book about murdering the cops.”

“Oh, much better,” Roman sighs.

VIRGIL

Virgil spits out his toothpaste into the sink and looks up into the mirror to see Logan in his reflection, his glasses off, a toothbrush in hand.

“Fancy meeting you here,” Virgil quips.

The Logan in his reflection smiles at him awkwardly around his toothbrush, blushes, then redirects his attention to finishing off brushing his teeth as quickly and thoroughly as possible. Virgil uses that time to wash his face; Logan follows not long after. Virgil gets a whiff of the facewash Logan is using; it smells rather nice, something floral.

They do their respective routines in companionable quiet; Logan, waking up for the day, and Virgil, about to go to sleep. 

“What’s on your agenda for the day?” Virgil asks, moisturizing his face.

“Research, research, and more research,” Logan says dryly, rubbing sunscreen onto his face. Their hands move in unison; moving in small circles on each cheek, up to the forehead, down the nose, the chin, down the neck. Mirror images, if not for their distinct physical differences.

“Probably should’ve guessed that,” Virgil says, rubbing the excess moisturizer into his forearms. 

“Oh, you missed—”

And suddenly, Logan is not just in his mirror, but in his bathroom, reaching out a hand to smooth some more moisturizer into his skin.

“Right here,” Logan says softly, his fingers gentle on Virgil’s cheekbone. Virgil barely even breathes as Logan smooths away the smear of moisturizer.

“There,” Logan murmurs, but he’s still cradling Virgil’s face.

“Thanks,” Virgil rasps.

Logan smiles at him, just a little. “You missed right there when we first met, too.”

“Did I really?” Virgil asks. He can barely focus on anything else except the cool smoothness of Logan’s hand.

“Mhm,” Logan says. “There I was, thinking I was going crazy, and there was this African man planting a jacaranda tree into the tile, with a smear of sunscreen on his face…”

“And I had this note-taking Pole talking to me about preferring if I were a hallucination,” Virgil says. “Telling me you’d ignore me if you saw me again.”

“And then I immediately started questioning you,” Logan says, smiling. “And…”

He trails off. His hand is still on Virgil’s face. Virgil is standing so stock-still he could probably turn into a scarecrow, if only for the virtue of keeping Logan’s hand on him.

“And then I kept feeling this pull,” Logan continues quietly, looking Virgil in the eyes. He isn’t wearing his glasses; there is nothing between Virgil and those bright blue, captivating eyes. “This pull to come to you.”

“Me too,” Virgil says softly.

Logan licks his lips. He says, softly, “I do wonder why it is us, that keep feeling this pull to each other.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes,” Logan affirms quietly. “Maybe there’s that call to those similar that we theorized about, that day. Maybe that’s what fuels this connection. Whenever I learned something new, I flashed to you. Always to you. I’m not sure if we’ll ever find out why. Perhaps there’s a level of…”

A level of what, Virgil doesn’t know, because he leans in and kisses Logan.

Logan freezes, and, with anyone else, Virgil would panic and pull back, thinking he’d been presumptuous, but he abruptly feels a thrill in his stomach and a yes in hid mind that may as well be in Logan’s voice, and Virgil’s shoulders relax at the presence of it, of that pull between them finally being eased.

Virgil wraps his arms around Logan’s waist, and Logan’s arms twine around Virgil’s neck, and they kiss, continents and oceans apart, able to taste the minty toothpaste on each other’s breath.

[crookswithbooks]

How To Seduce A Talking Cat

Day Ten - Bean helps Elfo come up with strategies on how to seduce their favorite demon and Elfo himself continues to be awkward and terrible at most everything.               

Waking up in a pool of sunlight was usually an enjoyable experience for the demon, but in the wintertime the reflections off the snow were enough that he was practically blinded when he first opened his eyes. Luci slowly uncurled from his position on the windowsill, stretching out his back. What he was not expecting was to be met with the waiting eyes of Elfo, head tilted slightly as he watched him.

Luci stifled a strangled yelp, quickly straightening out. “Okay dude, super creepy.”

“You know you look just like a cat when you sleep,” Elfo told him as the demon hopped off the windowsill. “I half expected you to start purring.”

“I don’t know how many times I have to tell you I’m not a cat,” he grumbled, his tail curling in annoyance. “I’m a demon and I’d kill your parents for half a corn chip.”

“But you don’t like corn chips.”

“Exactly.”

“I don’t get it.”

Teasing Elfo was a gamble each time. Sometimes it was as easy as calling him short and sometimes the meaning of his words flew completely over the elf’s head. “You know Elfo, it’s amazing how you’re even less fun in the morning than all the other times of the day. It’s almost impressive in a way.”

“Thank you!”

Luci scampered out the door to go find some drunk scholb to torment, grumbling something about early mornings and annoying elves.

Elfo sighed, flopping back down on the bed. Bean was curled up on her side, having passed out soundly after last night’s shenanigans. Her hair formed a tangled mat around her head and she snored quietly. There had been moments when the sight of her would have set Elfo’s heart aflutter. It still sort of did. Now though, he found his attentions were held by another, more antagonistic force.

“Have you ever been in love?” Elfo asked her distractedly, watching the doorway where Luci’s form had been moments before.

“Mmm… love…” Bean’s murmurings were almost unintelligible, her barely conscious mind slurring her words. “Warm hands… why yes I will join you in your chambers tonight…”

“Like, genuine love,” Elfo continued, oblivious to the fact that Bean was clearly not listening. “Love where you would do anything just to get them to notice you?”

“Do anything…” Bean snorted, pulling her pillow in close so that she was practically straddling the material. “You can do whatever you want to me…”

“But the thing is, the person in question’s not good for you. Like, objectively speaking, just a terrible influence and not a good person to boot. Yet all the same you can’t help falling for their infuriating charms.”

“Boots…” Bean muttered, finding herself more and more awake with every second. “Am I wearing boots in bed?” She kicked them off, groaning as she sat up.

Elfo’s eyes widened with realization. “Oh my goodness. I’m in love with Luci.”

“What?”

Elfo slid off the bed, pressing his hands to the side of his head. “I can’t believe I never realized it before. I just assumed those fluttery feelings in my stomach were hatred, but then I realized they were the same feelings I used to get when I looked at you and I just—”

“Hold up a second,” Bean interrupted, holding up a hand to stop him. This was not the kind of news you wanted sprung on you while dealing with a hangover. “You’re in love with Luci? Luci? The demon? My demon? In love?”

“I think so!” Elfo gnawed on his lip anxiously, not interpreting Bean’s distress. “I mean, now that I think about it, the signs are pretty obvious. I love hanging out with him, whenever he makes fun of me I get all hot and bothered, and sometimes when I look at him I find myself thinking he’s… cute? Like, these aren’t friend feelings, are they?”

“How long have you been in love with Luci?” Bean exclaimed, lost and bewildered at the turn the conversation was taking. “How did I miss this? And why Luci? And why you?”

“I don’t know, a couple months now,” Elfo said in answer to her first question. “At least I think so. It’s hard to pin down. I mean, I’ve always sort of felt this way, if I really track it back, but it’s only recently that I started to be fully aware of it.”

“Am I losing my touch?” Bean gasped. “My best friends were in love and I never realized. I can’t believe it.” She grabbed Elfo’s arm, momentarily pulling him out of his funk and forcing him to look at her. “Well, what are you going to do about it?”

Elfo shrugged uncomfortably, scrubbing a hand through his hair. “I don’t know… I was thinking I would just pine endlessly now that I know how I feel and prolong the inevitable rejection.”

“No, no, no!” It was possibly due to the seven beers she had drunk last night, but Bean found herself weirdly invested in this newfound realization of Elfo’s. She had always found it difficult to navigate her own love life so focusing on someone else’s was a welcome distraction. “You have to tell him.”

Elfo snorted, a derisive noise that shot down any possibility of acceptance. “Please. There is no way that he feels the same way. Luci’s a demon. I’m… well, me. It wouldn’t work.”

Bean folded her legs under her, gripping her hands in concentration. “There’s got to be something…” She racked her brain, digging through her hangover for ideas. After a couple minutes of her doing this and Elfo waiting unimpressed, her eyes shot open with excitement. “I got it! Mistletoe!”

“What?” Elfo frowned. “You want me to grow mistletoe?”

“No stupid.” She stood up, pacing back and forth. “You find a way to get both you and Luci under the mistletoe at the same time, and then once you’ve kissed him you can confess your undying love for him. It’ll be perfect. It always works in those books Derek is constantly reading. I only know because sometimes I use the pages to smoke drugs and accidentally catch glimpses of the words.”

“I don’t know…” Elfo said skeptically. “Who’s to say Luci will even follow the rules of mistletoe? He doesn’t seem like the rule-following type.”

Bean waved a hand, dismissing the idea before it could even take form. “He will.”

“How do you know?”

Bean didn’t answer and Elfo reluctantly followed her as she continued to go through several ideas for their plan.

A day later, Elfo sat at the table in the grand hall with a glass of beer and a stomach full of nerves. Operation Luci-Under-The-Mistletoe was ago, or LUTM as Bean has so affectionately named it. Above him was a mistletoe tied to the rafters. The beer had been Bean’s suggestion, the idea being that Luci would be unable to resist the alcohol and would be forced to sit next to him.

He had been waiting there for nearly fifteen minutes before Luci finally wandered back into the castle. He slipped in through the crack in the doorway, eyes widening as he caught sight of Elfo nervously gripping a glass of shoddy beer. “Oh. Elfo. Hey.”

“Luci!” Elfo exclaimed a bit too loudly. Now that he had named his feelings he found it harder to be around the demon without being awkward. Luci raised an eyebrow and he flushed. “Hey there... bud… how’s your day been?”

“Great. Set two children on fire in front of their parents.” Luci crawled onto the bench, far enough away that he wasn’t technically under the mistletoe. “They screamed for a long time. A couple of times the fire went out and I had to re-light it which was troublesome, but such is the sacrifices I make for art.”

“Geez,” Elfo muttered, queasy just at the thought of it. Of all the people he had to fall for, it had to be a demon. “That sounds… terrible.”

“It was,” Luci agreed dreamily.

“Hey,” Elfo said casually, twisting the bottle on the table in what he hoped was an inconspicuous motion. “I was just getting ready to down a couple of cold ones if you wanted to maybe join me?” He threw in the maybe despite himself, nerves getting the best of him.

Luci examined the cracked bottle containing clearly not cold beer. “Yeah… so, as fun as that sounds, I’m actually good. I was getting ready to go get baked and yell at people in the streets, though, if you wanted to come with me?”

“Sure,” Elfo agreed miserably, setting the bottle back down a little too hard on the table. Plan #1 was a bust, which meant it was back to the drawing board for him.

 A couple days later and Elfo sat loosely tied to the throne with a mistletoe hung directly above him, waiting for Luci to come back from breakfast. The plan now was that Luci would try to help him out and as soon as he was close enough Elfo would slip the knots and kiss him. Elfo was skeptical about the plan as it required Luci wanting to help anyone, but Bean was confident in this one so he went with it. He twisted against the chair, the hard wood digging into his back uncomfortably.

Luci’s amusement when he finally found him was unending and Elfo almost wanted to die right then and there, mistletoe be damned.

“Wow,” Luci whistled appreciatively, circling him. “Just wow. Who did you say did this to you again?”

“The kids from the village,” Elfo muttered under his breath, repeating the words Bean had instructed him to say. It was all the more embarrassing due to the plausibility of the situation. “Could you possibly help me out of here?”

“And you’re really stuck?” Luci clarified, just standing there and, more importantly, not helping him. “Like, you can’t get out at all?”

“No,” Elfo assured him in what he hoped was a convincing lie.

Luci examined him for a moment longer, clearly deciding the truth of the statement. Finally he shrugged, walking towards the still open door.

“W-Wait!” Elfo cried out in a panic, wanting to rush after him but not wanting to give away the fact that he wasn’t really stuck. “Where are you going? Aren’t you going to help me?”

“It seems like you’re really stuck in there,” Luci said over his shoulder, strolling out the doorway. “Why would I ruin such a perfect oppurtunity?”

Seconds later he was gone and Elfo slumped against the rope, defeated yet again.

 His third try was a last-ditch attempt and one that he wasn’t proud of by any definition of the word. Tied to the front of his hat was a sprig of mistletoe, making it impossible for anyone to get close to him without being in range of the plant. It was obvious and mortifying if anyone saw him—which, if Bean’s plan was to work, they would have to. Specifically Luci.

Luci took one look at him and burst into laughter, doubling over in amusement. Elfo blushed furiously, bristling at the reaction. “Oh my god, Elfo, man, this is just so desperate. What lady is ever going to want to kiss you with that on your head?”

Elfo didn’t even bother to come up with a response, ripping the hat off and throwing it to the ground. He stormed off, Luci’s laughter echoing down the halls after him.

 Eventually, Elfo was forced to resign himself to the facts. Luci didn’t want to kiss him; that much was obvious. And no amount of tricks, clever ploys, or traditional plants were going to change that. The sooner he allowed himself to accept that, the sooner he could get over the stinging phase of rejection.

He sat curled up in the windowsill of Bean’s room, the place where this whole stupid charade had begun. His knees were pulled up to his chest and in one hand he held a piece of mistletoe, glaring at it with as much hatred as he could muster.

“Stupid plant,” he muttered angrily, crushing it between his fingers. “Stupid Bean, stupid Luci, stupid feelings—”

“Are you talking to yourself again?”

He jumped at the sound of Luci’s voice. He shoved the mistletoe behind him quickly; there was no way he would be able to deal with the embarrassment of Luci catching him holding it.

“No,” he protested, wishing for once that Luci would just go away. As always, Luci ignored his wishes and hopped up on the windowsill opposite him, examining him curiously. “Why are you here? Don’t you have more important things to be doing?”

“Not really. I just finished poisoning the local drinking water, so my schedule’s clear for the next couple hours.” Luci watched him for a moment before his tail snapped out suddenly and snatched the mistletoe from behind Elfo’s back. Elfo gasped, shooting out a hand to retrieve it but it was already too late. Luci smiled, holding up the mistletoe in both their line of sight. “Thinking of kissing someone, huh?”

“I…” Elfo struggled to come up with a convincing story, but between all the plans he and Bean had come up with lately, not to mention his inherently guilty conscious, he found himself all out of lies. “I was, yeah. But they don’t want to kiss me back.”

“How do you know that? Did they tell you?”

“No,” Elfo admitted. “But they don’t have to. They’re super cool and mysterious and I’m… you know.”

“Elfo?”

“Exactly.”

His head drooped in misery. A couple seconds later, however, he felt a soft hand grip his chin and tilt it upwards. He found Luci standing next to him, the mistletoe held squarely over them by his tail. Elfo gaped at the sight, glancing between it and Luci’s face. “But—I thought—”

“I knew what you were trying to do,” Luci admitted, scratching the back of his neck. “I’ve known since the beginning. I just thought I shouldn’t give the win to you that easy. And I have to say, it was fun messing with you. Sorry about that. by the way. Bad habits, demon and all that.”

“So then you…” Elfo struggled to deal with the information he was being handed. “You knew that I liked you and you weren’t disgusted?”

“Of course not,” Luci snorted. “Do you know how many things I’ve been with on this planet? You’re hardly the most revolting thing.”

“Thanks,” Elfo said dryly.

“You know what I mean.”

“So you, too…?”

“Don’t make me say it,” Luci snapped, and if Elfo didn’t know better he could have sworn he spotted a faint blush on the demon’s cheeks. He wiggled the mistletoe then, a mischievous look entering his eyes. “Now, I believe I owe you something?”

Kissing Luci was never something Elfo would imagine in even his wildest of dreams, but life, as he quickly found out, was full of surprises. Normally, Elfo was not that fond of surprises, but in this case he decided to make an exception.

[jett-dawson]

— ANDERSHAW RANT

so i’m currently in a big andershaw mood. i really really love them. watching episodes five and six makes me so happy. i know this show is still finding its way, i know the drama isn’t super solid and i know the eps are only five minutes long. but i’m just trying to find happiness in what we’ve got. and while jella is obviously just such an iconic and strong ship, i feel like andershaw deserves some love & light as well. hell, they’re still lowkey underrated? even after the episodes? idk but anyways

after reading skyler and ruby’s i was like wait wait. these two bios feel like two different puzzle pieces. pieces that attach? they literally fit so well. ruby is this bold girl. mega aries energy. rainbow dash type beat. she is the girl who makes sure to put loving, supportive energy into her friends no matter what. shes there to hype them up when and if they need it. shes there to put extra flair onto their outfits and just be that very very cool gal. skyler is the shy one. cancer energy. fluttershy type beat. shes timid yet smart, shy and lowkey insecure. she’s not fully sure of herself. shes still finding her feet. shes still looking for the moment where she’s fully ready to shine. she just needs a boost. she needs confidence. she needs support. and yes of course she could get that from any of her friends but like. ruby is literally branded around being the hype friend!! how fitting is that! plus they’re literally just the definition of red and blue gays i’m sorry but it had to be said

then episodes five and six dropped. these episodes really strengthened their bond. seriously. whether you ship it or not, they are now closer than ever. think about it! skyler just lost the love of her life, who she had been dating for like three years, in the most crappiest way possible. who ran after her to comfort her? ruby. but ruby lowkey kinda just got let down as well. she got to go on a date with this “cute” boy from her class. she was excited for the party. she was hyped up, she ran over to her roomies to get excited with them. she was willing to vlog with him. all for him to turn out to be a fraud, not only to her but to her friend. but what did she do? put all of her energy into skyler. WHICH ISNT A SURPRISE. their bios do foreshadow the show, believe it or not. we knew poppy was going to have some sort of dynamic going on with the A’s. we knew sunny was going to have her own cartoon that she works on of her friends. we knew all of this! and you could say the same about the wave two bios, foreshadowing violet/karma drama, amaya coming into a school with an unexpected setting, etc.

but like. think about it. they could’ve had any of the girls go to comfort skyler. they could’ve had jade go, bella go, heck, even sunny! but they chose jade. bc thats her character. she cares. she cares enough. she knew just what to say. she knew the moment skyler started spewing junk abt colin being the reason she got into rainbow high, it was all false. she knew just what to say to help skyler. and immediately was like hey look. ur makeup is running. you’re upset. you don’t deserve this. let’s have a makeover together. and made a cute ass montage of them being in love and doing makeup and hair. bro they put each other’s initials on each others outfits!! that’s what ruby’s bio meant! she knows how to add flair to anyone’s looks! she gave skyler a bit of a makeover!! foreshadowing!!!!

and yet she supported skyler’s speech on the stage. she convinced skyler that colin isn’t worth her time or energy and that they should just turn their colour up and vibe. they didn’t have to do that. they seriously didn’t. opposites ships like these are always the death of me. you see that with jella! opposites in a way!! you see it with other ships from other shows.. ex. rarijack and flutterdash (since i was referencing mlp earlier lol). they just work. it’s the balance. the time. the effort and energy they put in together. and i love it.

and i feel like andershaw is one of the only canon dynamics that have gotten a lot of attention.. other than jella and sky/violet. like the roommates have cute bonds as well but we haven’t seen a lot of them have major like... heartfelt turn of events. i mean i do love the cute moment of skyler supporting sunny during episode one. i do like the dynamic of ruby and violet having the spa nights on thursdays and being the ones invested in vlogging and stuff. that’s cute! but andershaw had like a heartfelt turn of events that strengthened their bond. and it’s not a surprise to me because their bios!! make sense!!!

sky/river seems like an interesting take. i mean all we’ve known is them sharing the 22 and then seeing each other and knowing each other which is cute!! but i guess i just can’t get into it?? idk. like. i usually almost always find straight couples being weak in kids cartoons bc companies usually only throw in males for the purpose of being a love interest and almost nothing else. so i’m used to finding no interest in straight couples for the reason that their bonds are as strong as the main characters friendships! and this is usually in like girl power shows like mlp, precure, winx, eah, mh, etc. like i do love the het couples of eah and mh ngl. rosabella and daring? clawd and draculaura? ashlynn and hunter? deuce and cleo? love to see them. but i guess another factor in it is that we rarely ever get LGBT rep in kid shows like these and. i love to see myself represented in the things i love and cmon man the school is literally called rainbow high. we have to at least have one gay, cmon. please mga

anyways. i wonder what will happen to river tho. i feel like i can get into it if they develop out their relationship while also actually giving river a personality lol. i do love how hes into performing arts though. you don’t see a guy being into performing represented in cartoons every day. but i also wonder if the amaya/river theory will come true. half upset bc id expect someones theme that is literally based off of the rainbow would be gay but. i also love andershaw so NDMDNDJ it’s ok. i ship andershaw no matter what! i wonder what will happen, and if couples will even be a prominent thing in the shows future. i mean... i wouldn’t doubt it? if not, kia would serve like no other purpose as of rn lol. anyways. i love my gays and i’ll probably rant about them another time

[angelsarts]

Hey I'm sorry to ask, but do you have updates for korean dramas? I can't find the link to your old one but also maybe some newer suggestions? (It's okay if you don't!)

It’s cool, I can do a new one! These are all in the order that I watched them in!

WARNING: LONG POST AHEAD

1. Coffee Prince ( A great choice for a first k-drama)

Choi Han-gyul is the grandson of chairwoman Bang of Dong-in Foods, a company that has a thriving coffee business. He has never had a job and does not care for responsibility. Han-gyul is hung up on his first love, Han Yoo-joo, who only sees him as a friend. Go Eun-chan is a 24-year-old tomboy who is often mistaken for a guy. Her father died when she was 16 years old and since then she has taken over as the breadwinner in her family. When Han-kyul and Eun-chan meet, he, not knowing that she is a girl, decides to hire her to pretend to be his gay lover so that he can escape the blind dates arranged by his grandmother. 

2. Cinderella with four knights

Eun Ha Won is a bright college student who dreams of becoming a teacher. Unfortunately, she loses her mother in a tragic accident, moves in with a cruel stepmother, and has no money for her education. One day, she helps an old man and as fate would have it, moves into a gorgeous mansion with three equally gorgeous men, who also happen to be billionaire cousins and heirs to the Kang family fortune. Between the rebel-minded loner Kang Ji Woon, playboy money machine Kang Hyun Min and the super-sweet singer Kang Seo Woo, Eun Ha Won finds herself in the middle of the hottest love quadrangle to ever befall a modern fairy tale princess. Rounding out the mansion’s chaebol lifestyle are Lee Yoon Sung, who serves as the cousins’ handsome bodyguard, and Park Hye Ji, a gorgeous girl who has her own interests in the Kang family and is not above manipulating one cousin to get closer to another.

3. Bride of the century

Taeyang Group is the largest conglomerate in South Korea. The Choi family who runs Taeyang has supposedly been under a curse for a hundred years that the first bride of the eldest son will always die. When the wealthy heiress Jang Yi-kyung disappears right before her wedding to chaebol heir Choi Kang-joo , Na Doo-rim , a lookalike impostor, is brought in to take her place. Unlike the cold and calculating Yi-kyung, Doo-rim is sweet and sunny, and Kang-joo genuinely falls in love with her. As the wedding plans progress, Kang-joo and Yi-kyung’s mothers both scheme and plot behind the scenes will the romance gets more complicated with the secret of not being the real Jang Yu-kyung.

4. Strong woman Do Bong Soon

Do Bong-soon was born with superhuman strength. Her strength is hereditary and passed along only to the women in her family. Her dream is to create a video game with herself as the main character. She desperately wants to become a delicate and elegant woman, which is the ideal type of her crush, In Guk-doo, a police officer. Thanks to her strength, she gets a job as bodyguard to rich heir Ahn Min-hyuk, the CEO of a gaming company, Ainsoft. In contrast to Guk-doo, Min-hyuk is an eccentric man who is playful, a little spoiled, has no regard for rules, and dislikes policemen. He has recently received anonymous threats and has even been stalked, leading him to hire Bong-soon as his bodyguard after seeing her beat up a bunch of men after they threatened an old man who was an elementary school bus driver. A series of kidnapping cases soon happen in Dobong-dong, the district Bong-soon lives in, and she is determined to catch the culprit, who targeted her best friend. With help and training from Min-hyuk, she manages to control her strength to use it for good causes. Min-hyuk and Bong-soon find their relationship growing into something more.

5. My secret romance

Jin-wook and Yoo-mi meet at a Gangwon-do resort and get caught up in a series of misunderstandings and accidents. Yoo-mi is there to attend her mother’s second wedding while Jin-wook is there working as a bellhop (a position given to him by his Chairman father to teach him responsibility.) Yoo-mi is charmed by Jin-wook’s sly and playful personality, and they unexpectedly spend the night together. However, Yoo-mi disappears in the morning, leaving Jin-wook feeling perplexed and insulted. Three years later, the two meet again when Yoo-mi becomes a nutritionist at the company cafeteria where Jin-wook works. It seems that once a playboy Jin-wook, has given up his carefree life and works at the company owned by his father. He has feelings for Yoo-mi and has kept her bra-pad as a memory of the night that they spent together. At first, he is strict toward her, though it is only because he is looking for reasons to be near her. He later confesses this to her and agrees to wait for her.

6. Scarlet heart ryeo ( One of my all time favourites) 

During a total solar eclipse, a 25-year-old 21st-century woman, Go Ha-jin, is transported back in time to the Goryeo Dynasty. She wakes up in the year of 941 in the body of Hae Soo, among the many royal princes of the ruling Wang family. She initially falls in love with the gentle and warm-hearted 8th Prince Wang Wook, and later Wang So, the fearsome 4th Prince who hides his face behind a mask and is given the derogatory label of “wolf dog.” As the story develops, Hae Soo finds herself unwittingly caught between the rivalry and politics among the princes over the fight for the throne, an she stay alive long enough for a happy ending?

7. Falling for innocence

Min Ho is a cold-blooded corporate raider who takes no prisoners. He is a scoundrel investment banker for Gold Investment, seemingly the world’s largest financial service firm. As a cynical, self-defensive, suspicious sociopath, he wears down people with his tenacity and takes advantage of them with his delusions of grandeur. However, Min Ho has his own story of how he became evil - it was because of his uncle’s betrayal. His father was overthrown by his uncle and it caused his family to hit bottom. As Min Ho vows to get revenge, he meets Soon Jung, the daughter of his father’s former secretary who betrayed him and whom now works for his uncle. One day, he has a heart attack and is taken to a hospital. He miraculously survives his heart attack after undergoing a heart transplant. His heart is actually from Dong Wook, a young detective and Soon Jung’s fiancé who suffered from brain damage from a mysterious car accident. After receiving a new life thanks to the new heart, he is no longer the cold and callous person that he has been and undergoes a profound change to his personality, talking differently and warming up people. But he still pursues his plan to get revenge on his uncle even though his emotions get in the way at times. He gradually learns the meaning of happiness when he finds Soon Jung, whom he wants to cherish and protect. His heart becomes tender and his eyes swell with tears when as he works with her. He falls in love with her without realising it.

8. The bride of Habaek / the water god

When the narcissistic water god Ha-baek visits earth in order to find three stones powerful enough to help him claim his throne, he seeks out the help of his servant and destined bride, psychiatrist So-ah, whose family is fated to serve the water god for generations. The problem is that she has no belief in the gods and initially mistakes him for suffering from delusions. Things get even stranger when the wind god Bi-ryeom, the water goddess Mu-ra, and the semi-god Hu-ye show up to complicate things

9. Weightlifting fairy Kim Bok Joo

Kim Bok-Joo is a promising collegiate female weightlifter. Her father runs a small chicken restaurant and her uncle wants to become an actor. She has a bright personality and strong sense of justice. Kim Bok-Joo and her friends on the female weightlifting team are not popular with the guys and they don’t have boyfriends. The weightlifting team and the rhythmic gymnastic team also don’t get along at all. Meanwhile, Jung Joon-Hyung is a collegiate swimmer plagued with numerous false start disqualifications. He is 21-years-old and has a free spirit. His uncle and aunt raised him along with his cousin Jung Jae-Yi. One day on campus, Kim Bok-Joo bumps into Jung Joon-Hyung while he is riding his bicycle. Her face looks familiar to Jung Joon-Hyung. After he leaves, Kim Bok-Joo picks up a handkerchief left behind by Jung Joon-Hyung. The handkerchief is very important to him and he begins looking for it. Later, Kim Bok-Joo cleans and irons the handkerchief. She goes to the school’s swimming pool and gives back his handkerchief, but he explodes with anger when he sees that she cleaned it. Kim Bok-Joo then falls into the swimming pool and Jung Joon-Hyung jumps into the pool to save her. At that moment, Kim Bok-Joo and Jung Joon-Hyung realize where they have seen each other before. When they were both children, Kim Bok-Joo saved Jung Joon-Hyung’s life by catching him before he fell to the ground.What happens now they know each other?

10. I’m not a robot

Kim Min-kyu lives an isolated life due to a severe allergy to other people. He develops extreme rashes that rapidly spread throughout his body once he makes any form of skin contact. Jo Ji-ah is a woman who is trying to make it in life by creating her own businesses. Kim Min-kyu who owns the KM Financial company which owns Santa Maria team headed by professor Hong Baek-kyun. Professor Hong’s team has created a humanoid robot called Aji 3 which looks like his ex-girlfriend Jo Ji-ah. CEO of KM Financial, Kang Ki-young, and his father try to sell the Santa Maria team to foreign investor, Martin, who secretly knows about the Aji 3 and wants to use it as a weapon. Hong Baek-kyun sends the robot to Kim Min-kyu to convince him not to sell the team. Before Aji 3 is delivered, the robot’s body is accidentally damaged. Hong Baek-kyun approaches Jo Ji-ah, asking her to pose as the robot, giving the team time to repair Aji 3. Jo Ji-ah agrees, and impersonates the robot under the supervision of the Santa Maria team and the robot’s computer brain, can she survive without being caught out?

11. Goblin / Guardian the lonely and great

Kim Shin is a goblin and protector of souls. He is the landlord of the grim reaper, who is in charge of taking deceased souls. Wanting to end his immortal life, Shin has been looking for his human bride, the only person who can end his life. Meanwhile, Ji Eun-tak is a high school student who remains optimistic despite the tragedies and difficulties she has experienced in her life. She summons the goblin by chance, and through various encounters, ends up falling in love with him. Sunny is a chicken restaurant owner, whose beauty is undeniable, but what has she got to do with the goblin and reaper? These four characters’ lives took a series of twists and turns when they intertwined.

12. Terius behind me (Another favourite!)

Go Ae-Rin suddenly loses her husband left to take care of her two children on her own. A mysterious man, Kim Bon, that lives next door ends up getting tangled into their lives. Kim Bon is a legendary NIS agent and 3 years ago, he was involved in a failed secret operation and the woman he loved died. He has since become disconnected with the world and lives alone quietly but that soon changes as he helps his neighbor Go Ae-Rin with her children and uncover a conspiracy, which her husband became involved with all the while trying to keep his secrets by the nosy neighbours in the building.

13. 100 days my prince 

Lee Yool is the Crown Prince of Joseon, a perfectionist who disregards the majority of those in the royal palace and appears to be cold and demanding, when in reality, he is lonely. He then passes the law that all women must marry before they reach the age of 28. Hong Shim is head of the first detective agency in Joseon, a strong, intelligent figure who takes on multiple jobs to support herself and her father. She is also the oldest unmarried woman in her village, and begins to look for a husband to avoid trouble from law officials. In an attempted assassination, Lee Yool develops temporary amnesia and wanders around aimlessly as a commoner with no name or identity, until he meets none other than Hong Shim, who takes him under her care. Hong Shim is then forced to marry Won Deuk to save her village from drought, due to beliefs in that era where natural disasters are a result of an unmarried woman’s misery. This drama depicts how the love story of Hong Shim, ‘Joseon’s oldest unmarried woman’ and Lee Yool, the amnesiac Crown Prince, develops over the span of 100 days.

14. My ID is Gangnam beauty

Kang Mi-rae decides to get plastic surgery after years of being bullied because of her looks. Her “rebirth” seems successful at first, but as her life at the university unfolds, her plan starts to backfire. The pressure of being a “pretty girl” begins to pressure her and, worse, those who can see through her surgery ridicule her and tag her as the “Gangnam plastic surgery monster.” The drama follows Mi-rae’s story of recovering self-esteem as she figures out what a two faced friend is and gets to know her coursemate, and former schoolmate in middle school, Do Kyung-seok

15. The secret life of my secretary 

Do Min-Ik works as a director of the mobile media 1 team at T&T, he’s smart and excellent at his job however he doesn’t like to attach himself to people or his secretary. His secretary is Jung Gal-Hee, a diligent and motivated person that does whatever it takes to keep her job and feed her family. Do Min-Ik often does childish things like calling Jung Gal-Hee continually, Jung Gal-Hee carries out Do Min-Ik’s orders without complaints but though she may look soft, she hides her tough side. The tough side soon comes out as she is fired, much to Do Min-Ik’s regret he soon discovers that he’s going to need her more than ever and discovers a new side to her in the process.

16. W - Two worlds ( Really recommended!! )

A love story of two people split apart in different worlds connected by a webtoon. The series focuses on the eponymous fictional webtoon entitled W, written and illustrated by its legendary author and illustrator Oh Seong-moo. W became famous in the entire South Korea, the storyline of the webtoon W starts with the younger years of its main character Kang Chul, a handsome and intelligent boy who is also skilled in shooting. He becomes famous as he won a shooting competition during the 2004 Athens Olympics but this fame gets ruined when his entire family was killed by an unknown Murderer, and then framed for it. Another villain Han Cheol-ho  handles the case to gain political popularity, pronouncing in court to impose death penalty upon Kang Chul. Nevertheless, Kang Chul was deemed innocent of the crime. Depressed over losing his family, he attempts to commit suicide over the Han River but he stops himself and chooses to move on with his life.Ten years later, Kang Chul becomes a multimillionaire, starting his “Project W” in his continuous efforts to catch the real culprit behind his family’s death; part of the project is his television broadcasting company dubbed “W,” after the initials of the interrogatives “who” and “why” (hence, the title of the webtoon). One night, he receives a suspicious phone call and gets severely injured by the same mysterious Murderer at the rooftop of his penthouse, only to be saved by a mysterious girl, none other than the authors daughter. How did she get there? Why is she there? How will they become entangled?

17. My contracted husband Mr Oh

Han Seung-Joo (Uee) is a single woman in her mid 30’s who works as a PD at a broadcasting station. She does well at her job, but is not nearly as good when it comes to housework. Han Seung-Joo has a hard time dealing with social prejudices about single women but still refuses to marry at least until an incident that occurs leading to a dramatic change in her life. She seeks to find a husband thinking it would help her situation but to get the position of a “married woman,” Han Seung-Joo marries Oh Jak-Doo as a contract husband who lives in the mountain that she just happened to own. Their marriage is not based on love, but their relationship develops romantically after several twists and turns.

18. Marriage contract ( For those who love to cry, seriously heartbreak ahead )

Kang Hye-soo is a single mother who struggles to raise her daughter while paying off her late husband’s debts. Han Ji-hoon is the son of a chaebol who seeks a contract marriage in order to save his mother, who needs a liver transplant. When Hye-soo is diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor, she agrees to marry Ji-hoon and donate part of her liver to his mother, in exchange for enough money to provide for her daughter until she reaches adulthood. Han Ji-Hoon is driving along when Hye-Soo is almost hit saving her 7 year old daughter Eun-Seong, He rushes her to the hospital as she faints however while she is being tested the Manager of the restaurant Han Ji-Hoon owns Ho-Joon tells him might be a scam and to make sure she is really hurt. Han Ji-Hoon has Hye-Soo’s phone and receives a call from a mysterious man which turns out to be the debt collector who comes to the hospital after hearing it being said in the background. He chases Hye-Soo when she is leaving, where he almost catches her but she in the end hides in Han Ji-Hoon’s car with Eun-Seong. Han Ji-Hoon’s mother has been rushed to the hospital where they find out that if she doesn’t get a liver transplant she will die but she is way down on the list so Han Ji-Hoon decides to marry a Hye-Soo she agrees so she can pay off her debt and also make sure Eun-Seong has money to grow up on as she gets the results back from when she fainted and she has a brain tumour. Eun-Seong in the beginning doesn’t like Han Ji-Hoon but she warms up to him as the pretend relationship blossoms into something real.

BONUS

19. 200 pounds beauty

Han-Na is a very large girl with a warm heart. She also possesses an unbelievable voice. Han-Na wants to become a pop-singer, but due to her extra-large appearance, can only work as a faceless singer. She provides the vocals for a popular singer named Amy, a beautiful young lady that can’t carry a note to save her life.Han-Na is also in love with Amiys music producer, Sang-Joon, but it’s a one-sided love. One day, Han-Na is invited to Sang-Joon’s birthday party and receives a red dress from him to wear to his party. Han-Na is excited, yet scared. The dress is revealing and quite extravagant. With her very large figure, she is not sure if she can wear such an outfit. Han-Na does eventually go to the birthday party in the red dress, but is mortified when petite Amy appears in the same red dress. During the course of the birthday party, Han-Na absorbs more emotional trauma and she simply disappears for one year. Han-Na then returns as the beautiful Jenny, a beautiful stunner who decides to make it on her own in the industry but encounters her once sided love. Will she be a success? Will her feelings get in the way and can she keep the guilt of the consequences of what her change brings?

20. Takane to Hana ( Japanese )

A tv show adapted from a manga ( that I particularly loved).  After her older sister refuses to go to an arranged marriage meeting with Takane Saibara, the heir to a vast business fortune, high schooler Hana Nonomura agrees to be her stand-in to save face for the family. But what happens when Hana meets Takane is an unexpected pairing of utter opposites! Although it seemed a little rushed at the end it was a nice tv show!

[managedmischiefs]

remedy//spencer reid

Hi there! So this is my first Spencer fic and while it’s nowhere close to the first thing I’ve written (I’ve been writing for almost seven years now), it’s the first Spencer fic I’m posting. Let me know what you think and let me know if you want anything like a part two or anything because I totally have an idea for that lol. Also let me know if you have any requests or just reach out if you wanna chat about our mans Spencer Reid or MGG or about anything at all.

Enjoy- like and comment!!!!

genre: fluff, angst, lil bit of smut but not much

word count: 8.2k

warning: nightmares, drugs (not use, just mentioning), overuse of pet names

This fic is inspired by Remedy by Adele so give that a listen while you’re reading okay now go!

SPENCER

"I can't believe we got these tickets!" Garcia exclaims, bouncing up and down in her seat. "Lottie Ray is one of my favorite singers of all time!"

"We know that, Garcia," Luke laughs, patting her shoulder. "You talk about her all the time,"

"Because she's talented and gorgeous and amazing and helps with charities and visits sick children and she's a goddess, Luke Alvez!" Garcia snaps, turning to the backseat to punch his chest a few times. I duck away from the physical violence and knock into the Prentiss, apologizing quietly.

"Alright, kids, calm down," Emily laughs. "We don't need a pre-concert fight,"

"Don't make a mess of my car!" Tara warns from the driver's seat.

"If this is any indications as to how the night is gonna go with you two then maybe I should go home," I joke, running my fingers through my newly short hair. I hadn't gotten it cut in a while so I figured now would be an appropriate time.

"So remind me how we're getting backstage?" Luke asks, turning his head to me.

"Backstage passes, that's what I was told," Emily answers with a nonchalant shrug. "FBI privileges. At least it's good for something,"

We arrive at the stadium and park our cars just as Matt and JJ pull up on either side of us with their families piled in their cars, Rossi and Krystall on the other side of one of them. Everyone jumps out of their cars and Rossi starts distributing backstage passes for everyone to wear around their necks, trying to tame the excited kids. They've been raving about this concert for weeks and now that it's here, they can't contain their energy.

"Come on, everyone!" JJ exclaims, waving the kids towards the entrance.

We flash our new badges and security lets us through, then we meet up with another security guard who brings us to a green room filled with food and drinks that just excites the kids even more. Nobody can seem to contain any of the kids as they go ravaging through the food in the room.

"So," the security guard at the door says, "if you all didn't know, Shawn Mendes is the opening act for tonight. He's starting a soundcheck on the stage in about ten minutes and then Lottie Ray is gonna do her soundcheck after, so you're more than welcome to go and watch it, if you want. Catering is a few doors down to the right if you get hungry, and just ask security if you need anything at all,"

We all mumble out our thank you's as the security guard disappears. Kristy and Will start pulling the kids away from the food so they don't make themselves sick as everyone makes themselves comfortable on the couches, and, of course, Emily locates some wine.

"Is this what it's like to be a celebrity?" Tara jokes as Emily fills up her glass. "I could get used to this,"

"We finally understand how Rossi lives," Matt adds on.

"Knock knock," there's a soft voice from the doorway and all our heads whip over.

Lottie Ray is standing in the doorway and I swear, my breath is knocked right out of my chest. I've never seen a more gorgeous human being in my life. Her smile is huge and her green eyes are shining, contrasting against her red satin and lace outfit that fits her perfectly. She's shifting her weight back and forth on her feet, telling me that her heels are hurting her feet, but she looks so happy that it's easy to ignore. Her long brown hair is curled down to her waistline and frames her doll-like face perfectly. She looks sinfully stunning.

The kids all gasp at the sight of the international superstar and she laughs, stepping further into the room. "Hi!" She grins, waving at the kids. "I heard we had visitors on tour and I just had to come say hi to you all before I go get ready! It's so wonderful to meet you all," The kids are absolute puddles in the face of Lottie and it's actually quite funny. I don't think I've ever seen them this quiet and compliant. "I hope you all come and watch soundcheck, it's always a lot of fun,"

"We'll be there," Garcia says, and it seems like she's in the same trance that the kids are.

"Alright," Lottie glances out the door for a moment, "I've gotta run and go get ready but I'll come visit again before the show," she blows a kiss and then starts heading out the door. "See you later!" And with that, she's gone.

As soon as she's gone, the trance is broken and the kids break into cries of excitement, raving about how they've just met their idol as they go running to hang on their parents. I'm still replaying the image of that angel in my mind and trying to keep myself under control, to keep my cheeks from blushing. She's just so beautiful.

"We should get to that soundcheck, right?" Krystall suggests after checking the time once more.

"Let's go, let's go!" The kids cheer and start running through the door, nearly toppling over anyone passing by in the hallway.

We all rush after them so they don't get lost, but when I spot Lottie rushing into a dressing room down the hall, I bite my lip. "Hey, Rossi," I say, nudging his arm. "I'm gonna go find a bathroom before soundcheck,"

"Sounds good," he waves me away, being pulled away immediately by his wife. I see them off until they've disappeared into the stadium, being led by a security guard to where they can sit and watch. And once they're gone, I hurry down the hallway.

I get to a door with Lottie Ray on the front and a handle with a number lock on it, so I quickly type in the month and year of my birthday, hearing the door unlock before pushing it open. Lottie whips around from where she's standing in the middle of the room, a smile breaking out on her face.

"You cut your hair," is the first thing she says before jumping into my arms, barely even waiting for the door to close.

"Do you hate it?" I ask, tucking my head into her neck, my arms tightening around her waist. I hear her heels clatter to the floor.

"I absolutely love it," she giggles, pulling away and placing her hands on my cheeks as she inspects my locks. "I've never seen you with short hair though. What am I supposed to pull on now?" Lottie smiles at me in the most innocent way, coursing her fingers through my hair, settling at the base of my neck.

"How about we find out?" I tease right back, carrying her to the couch in the corner of the room and tossing her down.

Lottie's eyes go wide as I reach for the button on her pants, pulling them down her legs. "What? Are you crazy?"

"Maybe a little," I quip, tossing the satin aside, taking in the sight of her in a lace bodysuit. "You're wearing red lace and expect me to keep myself under control?"

"Your team is outside and you wanna- we've kept this a secret for almost five years and you're gonna jeopardize that just so you can eat me out in my dressing room?" She protests, but her body says different as she slides her legs open when I lay on the couch in front of her.

"Nothing we haven't done before," I quip, pushing her bodysuit aside. She's looking down at me with her eyes wide and her lips parted, a beautiful and needy expression etched on her face. "And we've gotta make it fast, hmm? I told Rossi I was going to the bathroom,"

"I hate you sometimes," Lottie breathes out, tossing her head back.

Since she's not looking anymore, I take the moment to stun her and circle my lips around her clit, immediately earning a drawn-out moan. "Shh," I hush her, "we can't have everyone knowing what's going on in here. Now be a good girl and stay quiet for me."

///

"I can't believe you did that," Lottie breathes out, pulling on a pair of black workout pants and reaching for a sports bra.

I come out of the bathroom from washing my hands, smirking. "You can't say you didn't enjoy it,"

"You've gotta get back to your team, okay?" she grabs my cheeks and pulls my lips down to hers, now significantly shorter without her heels on. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," I echo, pecking her lips a few more times. "I'll see you later. Be safe,"

Lottie snorts, grabbing a hair tie from the coffee table as she follows me out the door. "You're telling me that, Mr. FBI? Mr. Shot In The Neck? Mr. Shot in The Knee? Mr-"

"Yes, I am, because you're the one who broke your foot on stage last year. So, yes, be safe," she wraps her arms around my waist from behind, leaving us waddling along to the stage, but she's laughing and that's all I care about. It makes my heart flutter and I've known for a while that I'd do anything to keep her beautiful smile on her face.

"I've gotta go get my in-ears," Lottie pouts, spinning around so she's in front of me. She goes on her toes to kiss me yet again, but when someone shouts her name, she pulls away, pouting. "I gotta go,"

She goes running off in one direction and so I go out the other way, just to not seem suspicious if the team catches me walking towards them. Thankfully, they're too invested in Shawn Mendes tuning his guitar on stage to notice which direction I come from.

"Uncle Spencer!" Michael exclaims as I walk over, jumping up and down, all of the kids sitting on the floor of the stadium as opposed to the seats, where the adults are.

"What's up, kiddo?" I smile, giving him a high five as I take a seat beside JJ and Will.

"This is super cool," Michael grins, pushing away his brother when he starts poking his shoulder.

"Look, look!" Henry whispers, interjecting himself into the conversation, pointing towards the stage. "There's Lottie Ray!" She's just walked onto the stage and approached Shawn, helping him with something with his guitar and we can faintly hear their voices and laughter through the microphone.

"You seem to really like Lottie Ray," Will speaks up with his normal lazy smirk. "You got a crush on her, Henry?"

His cheeks turn pink and it makes everyone laugh, but Henry just groans. "She's just pretty!"

"Henry's got a crush!" Michael mocks, sticking his tongue out at his older brother. "Henry's got a crush!"

/// LOTTIE ///

"Is this supposed to sound like this?" Shawn scrunches up his nose as he fiddles with his guitar.

I laugh, shaking my head, walking over to him. "No, not at all. Let me fix it," I grab his guitar from him and sit down on the stage, messing with the pegs and with his microphone until the sound issue is fixed. "There you go, love,"

"Thanks, Mom," he jokes, slinging his guitar over his shoulder.

"Oh god," I fake gag. "Stop making me feel so old. I can't do it anymore,"

As Shawn continues his soundcheck, I jump off the stage to chat with the dancers who are fooling around on the floor of the stadium, dancing around to the music. I jump right in with my best friends and twirl around, giggling as my body fills with adrenaline and endorphins. Shawn is finished soon and it's my turn, so I head to the sound engineers to grab a microphone and get back on stage. The first few songs aren't sung-through properly are just used to check for sound balance, but then the dancers come to the stage to do some songs full out and we have some fun.

I grab my own guitar and sing some songs, keeping my eyes from wandering over to Spencer. Since we've been together so long, many of my songs are about him. Well, almost all of the songs from my last few albums are about him. I always want to be singing my love songs directly to him, but our relationship is a secret and it needs to remain that way. So I keep my eyes forward and try to ignore his presence as best as I can.

Someone on the crew calls a hold on soundcheck so I put down my guitar and go to sit at the piano bench, retying my yellow tennis shoes. I hum to myself to pass the dead time and then I hear heavy footsteps approaching me. I look up just in time to see my best friend and dancer, Whitney, sprinting up to me, her eyes wide. "Mayday," she sneers through gritted teeth.

"Mayday? What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I furrow my eyebrows, holding my microphone lazily in one hand.

Whitney tilts her head to where the BAU team is sitting and then repeats, "Mayday,"

My eyes mirror hers as I see what she means. My own mother, lovely Mrs. Kelsey Barlow, has just walked up to the team and is hugging Spencer and I can see the uncomfortable look on his face. Then she puts her hand over her mouth and, judging by the look on everyone's face, she's just exposed Spencer's relationship status. I hastily jump off the piano bench and rush off the stage, walking quickly over to the group, catching Spencer's panicked eye.

"Mom," she whips her head around to me, her eyes wide.

"I forgot!" She exclaims before hurrying off, breezing past me as she mumbles broken apologizes to herself.

I choke back a nervous laugh, turning back to Spencer with a smile. "Well, we had a good run, didn't we?"

"So-" the woman I recognize to be Penelope Garcia speaks up, "you two are- you're- what-"

"Um," I kneel on a chair in the row in front of Spencer, tapping on the armrest, "Spencer and I are dating,"

The surprise is clear on everyone's face but Spencer is obviously panicking, his hands clutching his thighs tightly. The whole point of keeping our relationship secret was to keep me safe. Yes, if Spencer's face was plastered all over the media because of paparazzi, it would make his life in the field and as a professor more complicated, because then going undercover would be impossible. But he's told me about how his family has been targeted because of him before and how he refused to let that ever happen again. So as soon as we met, we made sure to never be seen in public. We don't go out, we have secret credit cards if we ever go on vacations (which is incredibly rare, considering both of our schedules), and we always stay home for dates. Thankfully, it's worked. It's been five years and nobody has suspected a thing, not even his team full of profilers. But now, thanks to my mom, the jig is up.

"Dating?" Tara's eyebrows shoot up.

"For how long?" Luke asks.

"I'm sure Spencer could tell you exactly how long," I tease even though I know he won't pitch in, judging by his panicked look, "but we've actually been together for a little over five years." And if they looked shocked before, then they surely look shocked now. But Spencer is looking down at his lap and fiddling with his hands and it breaks my heart. "And now that everyone knows," I make another joke out of the situation to lighten the mood, "Spence, can you come help me with something? There's an audio problem and I'm sure you could probably fix it in two seconds," Spencer's head pops up and he nods, standing from his seat and walking past me. I catch his hand to keep him from completely walking away, smiling at everyone. "Soundcheck will keep going on just another few minutes, don't worry."

I jump off the seat and as soon as I do, Spencer pulls me backstage. I trail behind him, catching the way his free hand digs into his eyes, his hand in mine squeezing tightly. Once we're out of view from the team, I place my hand on his arm. "Sweetheart," I whisper as he leads me away from the stage, towards my dressing room. I know I need to be at soundcheck, but my family is more important to me than standing on stage and singing a few notes. He plugs in his birthday and throws open the door, stomping inside, and once we're safely in, that's when he drops my hand. Both hands then dig into his eyes and he grunts, flinching at the door slams closed.

"Hey, hey," I whisper, stepping closer to him, "baby doll, take a breath, you're okay. I'm right here, I'm safe,"

"They know," his voice shakes. "They know now and-"

"They're FBI agents and it's okay that they know. You've protected me for five years and they can help with that," I place my fingers gently on his biceps, hoping to soothe his panic just a bit, but it doesn't seem to help.

"Krystall's not, and Kristy's not, the kids aren't," Spencer whines, starting to break down. "I can't lose you, Lottie. I can't-"

"You're not gonna lose me," I promise. "They're your best friends and they deserve to know that you've got a girlfriend. It's okay, peach. Everything's gonna be okay. So just breathe, nice and deep for me,"

Spencer takes a shaky breath and slides his hands down his face, his eyes squeezed closed. He reaches one of his hands forward and places it over my heart, sighing of relief. "Okay," he whispers, almost as if reassuring himself that I'm actually here, "okay,"

"Spencer, can I hug you?" He nods quickly, and it doesn't even take me a second before I wrap my arms around his shoulders, feeling him bury his face in my arms. "I love you so much." I tell him for what could possibly be the millionth time, but it doesn't hold any less meaning than the first time. "I love you, I love you, I love you."

/// SPENCER ///

"There you are!" Garcia exclaims, practically pushing me into a chair as I walk into catering. "There. Sit your ass down and tell us what the hell is going on. You've been dating Lottie Ray for five years?"

"I-"

"Five years, Reid?" She cuts me off before I can even get out another word. "Like seriously? How did you even keep it a secret for this long?"

"We-"

"Does this mean that her songs are about you? Because she-"

"Garcia," Luke says, placing his hand on her shoulder to politely shut her up, "let him explain, please. We're all curious. Now shut up,"

And truly, everyone is staring at me. The kids are sitting at their own table a few feet away but all the adults are staring at me and it's making me nervous. But I look down at my hand and see the sharpie on my knuckles in Lottie's perfect handwriting. I love you, baby doll. It calms me down.

"You guys, um," I clear my throat nervously, "well, sorry I kept it a secret,"

"We're not mad," Emily says. "We just wanna know why,"

"I did it to protect her," I answer quickly, and it's obvious on everyone's faces that they understand what I mean. "All of our families have been targeted many times because of our jobs and I've lost people, I almost lost my mom a few years ago. I couldn't let that happen again. So as soon as I met Lottie, I told her we had to keep it a secret and she agreed,"

"Will you tell us how you met?" Kristy asks with a fond smile.

"Um, yeah," I nod softly. "Lottie was here, in Virginia. If you recall, five years ago, the media was ripping her apart and hating on her for all these fake allegations about lying and stealing songs and all these other things,"

"Oh, yeah. She wasn't involved in lawsuits, right?" Krystall adds.

"She was sued by over thirty other artists and won every lawsuit. But she came to Virginia to escape the harassment because there's no paparazzi here," I suppress my smile as I remember our first meeting. "We met two weeks after I got out of prison, in a bookstore, actually. I had no idea who she was. I knew all of her music from Garcia, but not what she looked like. She thought I was lying about not knowing who she was because she's so used to people being fake around her and lying to her and using her, but I truly didn't know. I didn't even know that people were being so horrible to her online. So we just sat in the bookstore and read books in silence together for a few hours and we did that for two weeks before I actually asked her out,"

"And that's it? Simple as that? That's how you started dating an internationally famous pop star?" Tara laughs.

"That's it," I shrug nonchalantly. "I asked her out and I made her dinner and then we started hanging out and we just started dating. She moved to Virginia permanently because she likes it here so much and she feels like she can be a normal person here, not a celebrity,"

"So what suspicious things have you done with her that you haven't told us about?" Matt teases with a smirk.

"Well," I stifle another laugh, "remember those few times when I claimed I overslept and missed the flight back to Virginia on those cases?" Everyone nods. "Intentional. We happened to have cases in the same places that Lottie had stops on her tour so, on those days, I'd miss our flight and go see her, then get my own flight back. We don't get to see each other much at all when she's on tour,"

"Sneaky, sneaky." Rossi nudges my shoulder, making me laugh. "When she is around, you've gotta bring her around for one of our team dinners,"

"I'm sure she'd like that," I reply softly. "And I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys, that I've kept this secret for so long. I just- I really love her and I want to protect her."

The table is silent and I can't tell if that's a good thing or not. Does that mean they're mad? Does that mean they don't even need to accept my apology because an apology wasn't needed because they weren't mad in the first place? Am I overthinking? I don't understand.

"Where's the ring?" Will is the one who speaks up first.

My cheeks turn red, but when nobody else speaks up to protest the slightly invasive question, I gather that this is the question on the tip of everyone's tongue. "It's, um, it's in my apartment. Haven't found the right moment,"

Everyone's eyes go wide and I'm not sure if they were expecting that answering. After all, this is quite a lot of information for one day. In just an hour, they've found out that I'm dating a Grammy-winning singer and I'm ready to marry her. They thought that I've been single for years and I've been dealing with my trauma alone but in reality, I've been falling asleep on calls with Lottie and sneaking out like a teenager to meet up with her. I'd lay down my life to protect her and I don't know what I'd do without her.

/// LOTTIE ///

I stare out at the sea of fans chanting my name, my chest heaving after the intensive dance number I've just performed. My feet are aching from my huge heels but they always are so it's easy to ignore the pain and plaster on a smile.

"Alright," with a heavy sigh, I drag myself over to the piano and sit down at the bench, clipping the microphone into the stand. I play some chords on the piano before I start to play some melodies that just sound pretty, to underscore the speech I'm about to give. "The song I'm about to play isn't a song that's usually on the setlist," I say, glancing out at the thousands of fans before me, "but I usually add it when someone certain is in the audience and that someone is here tonight."

I look back down at my hands for a moment and take a deep breath before speaks again. "I wrote Remedy," my fans scream as I reveal what song I'm about to sing, "not as a song to put on an album. I wrote this song as a lullaby of sorts, and as a reassurance for my," I hesitate and bite my lip for a moment as I feel my eyes start to tear up, "for my someone, that I'd always be there for him. I'd always be there to love him, to make his pain go away, and to make the horrors of this world go away, even if it's for a little while. I'd do whatever I could to be his remedy. And I play this song whenever he sees the show because I don't want him to forget because I fear he will forget. I want him to remember that I love him and that," I gulp and play the first chord of the song, "I'm always gonna be here for him."

///

When I pull my in-ears out after the final song of the show, everything sounds like it's underwater. It's normal but I'll never get used to not being able to hear properly after a performance. My security guard is at my side and rushing me away from the stage, down the hallway, and towards a car that is waiting to take me home. It's key to get out of the stadium as fast as possible so that fans don't locate me and swarm me.

I jump in the backseat of this car and let out a sigh, laying down across the three-seater and closing my eyes. My ears are pounding as my hearing starts to make a comeback, and I drift in and out of sleep as a driver brings me back to my townhouse. I'm still dressed in my final stage outfit and I can't find it in me to care at the moment.

When we arrive at my small Virginia townhouse, it's nearing midnight as my security guard opens the car door and helps me to my aching feet, walking me to my front door before disappearing back into the car. There's classical music playing inside and it makes me smile, and when I hear footsteps, my heart skips a beat. Spencer comes into my view with his cute smile, his hands tucked into his pockets. "Hi, sweet girl,"

"Hi," I smile back, holding my arms out like a child.

He easily complies, stepping forward and pulling me into a tight hug. But he swiftly picks me up and prompts me to wrap my legs around his waist, and he goes off, carrying me up the stairs and towards my bedroom. "I've gotta get you out of this outfit and these damn shoes and into bed, right?"

"How was the show?" I mumble into his shoulder, feeling my adrenaline start to come down and my exhaustion kick in. "Did you like it? Did the team? Did the kids?"

"Everyone loved it. Emily and Tara were drunk by the time they left, and the kids had an amazing time. And you know that I always love watching you perform," he sets me down on the bed and starts to unzip my thigh high heels. "You pointed out that you always sing Remedy when I see your show but it always takes me by surprise when you sing it. It started out as you singing it to me when I have nightmares and now you sing it to stadiums full of thousands of fans. It's insane. And you know what else is insane? These shoes. How do you even walk in these?" He throws them aside and then reaches for the zipper of my bra top.

"Can we take a bath? I'm all sweaty but I don't wanna stand for a shower," I place my hands on his shoulders as he undresses me, giving him a cute pout, even though it's not needed because I know he'll say yes without a protest.

"Of course. Come on. Be careful," he leads me into the bathroom and runs a warm bath while I start to wipe off my makeup, grimacing as my throat starts to get sore from the hours of singing I just did. I feel Spencer's hands on my waist as the room gets steamy, his lips pressing against my shoulder blade. "Sometimes I'm so floored by your talent,"

"Stop," I blush, letting my head fall against his chest.

"Absolutely not," he quips, lips moving to my cheek. "Seeing you up on stage, dancing, and singing, and looking so happy, I'm so proud of you. And next week, you're gonna go to New York and win some Grammy's and make me even more proud of you,"

"I'm not gonna win," I pull away from his arms and step into the warm, bubbly bath, sighing contently. Spencer quickly undressed himself and steps in on the other side, facing me.

"You tell me every year that you're not gonna win and then you do," Spencer retorts, grabbing my ankles under the water to pull me closer to him. I fall over his chest and he wraps his arms around my waist again. "Some people in your position have the biggest ego, and you have the tiniest ego I've ever seen,"

"M'sleepy," I ignore the point he's trying to make in an effort to whine instead, my hands grasping his growing biceps.

"I know you are," Spencer coos, fingers brushing up and down my spine. "We'll get out in a few minutes. Just relax and then we get to bed,"

I've always loved this side of Spencer. When the sun sets and we're sleepy, we both tend to get cuddly and clingy, me more than him. He's happy to hold me and kiss me and never let me go and I'm happy to pine over him. The truth is, I've never loved anyone the way I love him. I thought I would spend my life around people who would use me for my money and society status and I'd have to fake a smile forever. I ever thought that my reputation would get ruined and I'd hide away in Virginia and meet the most adorable yet traumatized FBI agent who would happen to be the easiest person to fall in love with. I often find myself wondering how many people have fallen in love with Spencer because it's just so easy to. Sure, keeping my relationship a total secret isn't ideal, but it makes me feel like a teenager with all the secrets and the hiding and I have to admit that I love it. I love having dates on my balcony and hiding under the covers for hours on end and sneaking through back doors to kiss him. I never thought I'd meet someone like Spencer and I'm always pinching myself.

"C'mon, c'mon," Spencer whispers, and when he speaks, I've realized that I've dozed off on his chest. "Before you fall asleep again,"

I'm basically a rag doll in Spencer's arms as he helps me out of the tub and wraps a towel around me, then one around himself before pulling the plug for the tub. I wander into the bedroom and into my closet, pulling out one of Spencer's flannels that I'd stolen years ago, buttoning that up. I dry off my hair a little bit before climbing into bed just as Spencer flips the light off. He climbs in bedside me and pulls me close, kissing the top of my head. "Go to sleep, doll. You need lots after that performance." I don't even have it in me to respond and I just fall asleep right on his chest, exactly where we both know I belong.

///

Nightmares used to be much more common for Spencer at the beginning of our relationship. Unknowing to me, at first, when we met, he had just been released from prison after being falsely accused of murder and drug possession. He'd been locked inside with the criminals that he's spent his life hunting and he saw horrible things, and nightmares hit him like a ton of bricks.

He was broken when we met but he put on a brave face and told me that he was a profiler for the FBI, which was true in a way, even if he wasn't reinstated yet. He would see me during the day and plaster on a smile, then he'd go to sleep and wake up screaming as he relived what he saw in prison, that's what he eventually revealed to me. I cried when he told me that. I felt so guilty for not seeing through his facade because once he told me, it was clear.

I assumed the circles under his eyes were because he wasn't sleeping due to always working, not because he was having nightmares. I thought his hands shook because he was nervous to be on dates, not because he was experiencing PTSD, or PTSS as he would eventually correct me to say. I missed so many things and I just cried over him for hours, apologizing for not being there for him when he needed me. And Spencer held me so tight and he cried too and he told me that I make him happier than anyone he's ever met, and somehow, that cured any heartache I was feeling.

I hadn't realized how severe Spencer's nightmares were until I experienced one for myself. We didn't sleep in the same bed for the first three months we dated, and then I eventually was too tired to drive home and Spencer let me stay over. I was so excited to be wrapped up in his arms for an entire night that the thought of witnessing one his nightmares didn't even cross my mind, and I fell asleep as soon as my head hit Spencer's chest. He woke up crying out a name I'd never heard before, tears streaming down his cheeks as he thrashed around and grasped at the bedsheets, ripping them completely away from me. I woke up immediately and pulled him into my arms, cooing and promising that he was safe and everything was okay. We didn't sleep for the rest of the night because he was too scared to have another, to see the faces and places that so often plagued his nighttime.

I thought the nightmares stopped, or at least they became more sparse. Over the years, Spencer's time in prison became further and further away and while he never forgets a face, the faces seemed to get blurrier and the names he cried out became more jumbled, as if he was starting to become unsure if the syllables were correct. He still carries around his trauma like a suitcase with a broken wheel but he started therapy and it became easier for him to talk to me about his pain and he started to get better.

But then there are the hard days. There's the days where Spencer sees someone on the street who looks similar to someone he's killed on the job or someone who has hurt him, or the days when he has flashbacks, or the days when he spends hours staring at the crooks of his elbows, wondering if he should go find just one more vile of dilaudid to dull his pain. Or the day when his team finds out that he's dating an internationally famous singer- me. These send him into panic attacks that can last for minutes or hours or days. Panic attacks lead to nightmares, and that's the worst.

I know something is wrong when Spencer kicks me. He's always a relatively still sleeper and not much of a blanket hog, that's my job. He often complains over breakfast about how he awoke in the middle of the night to cold feet and my arm over his face, but always with a reassurance that he loves me regardless, usually pairing his words with a kiss and wandering hands.

So when I'm awoken by Spencer's leg jamming into mine, I'm wide awake. I let out a whine and reach for the lamp on the bedside table, flipping it on and refraining from whimpering at the sudden light. I rub my eyes and sit up, turning to look down at my sleeping boyfriend beside me. He's drenched in sweat and clutching the duvet in his hand, gradually pulling it closer to him. Whines and moans are growing from the back of his throat as his brows become tenser, and I let out a defeated sigh.

Spencer has explained to me many times that trying to wake him up from a nightmare will only make it worse and that's it's best if I just wait until he's awake to comfort him. Maybe that's the worst part, just watching him suffer. I have to watch him thrash around and listen to him scream names of those who have died because of him and I can't do anything until his body decides the trauma is enough for now.

He starts to kick his legs when his lips part and some mumbled words fall from his mouth, but I can't understand them. I watch helplessly as he progresses, pulling the duvet up to cover his face. This makes me panic and even though I've been instructed not to touch him or interfere with his dream, I fear he could smother himself. So I reach forward and pull back the blanket, flinching when his hand tries to smack mine away a few times. He's shouting names and whimpering and tears are pouring down his cheeks and I'd be lying if I said I'm not starting to cry too.

"Spencer," I breathe out, unable to witness this anymore. "Baby, wake up, please,"

He's crying out for help, reaching for someone who will never come. I'm right here but he's wishing for someone else, someone maybe on his team or maybe there's someone he's intending to help or maybe he's just needing to be held or maybe he's needing someone who's dead. But no matter who it is he's needing, he's crying out and his knuckles are white around the duvet.

Then his eyes fly open and his chest is heaving, and it's like time stops for a second. Spencer looks down at his hands and he releases the duvet from his iron grasp, lips parted as he takes shallow breaths.

"Spencer," I whisper, and he jumps at the sound of my voice. He's clearly forgotten that I was here. It's times like this that I hate my job and how I'm always traveling, how I'm not always around when he needs me. I'm holding myself together but I'm choking on my own sobs, holding out my hand to him. "It's okay, I'm here. You're okay, I've got you,"

Spencer reaches out a shaky hand and takes mine in his, collapsing into my arms in a heap of heavy cries. I hold him as tight as I can bear, rubbing his back as he tucks his face into my shoulder. I squeeze my eyes shut as I shush him, feeling his body completely meld into mine.

"Spencer, you're so-" I gulp, clutching his tee-shirt, "you're safe. It was just a dream, you know that. You're right here with me,"

"It seemed so real," Spencer cries. "It hurts,"

"Shh, darling, I know it does, I know it really hurts you," I lift my head and bring my hand to his cheek, lifting his head too. I wipe his tears with the sleeve of my flannel, or his flannel, and my heart breaks even more when I see how devastated he looks. "Why don't we go take a seat on the balcony and get some fresh air? That usually helps, doesn't it?"

Spencer nods and untangles himself from me and the duvet, heading towards the door on the other side of the bedroom. I grab a fresh blanket on the way out, one that's not covered in sweat and tears, and watch Spencer sit down in an armchair, giving him a weak smile. "Do you want me to go make some tea?"

"No, I don't wanna be alone yet," Spencer shakes his head, looking up at me with bloodshot eyes. "Will you sit with me?"

I nod and move to sit on his lap, knowing the physical contact will keep him grounded and will prevent him from getting lost in his dream again. His eidetic memory has been leaning on the cursed side than the blessing side lately, meaning that every image of what Spencer saw in prison is so vivid. Sometimes he has trouble telling what's real and what isn't and I have to remind him. Sometimes he asks, sometimes I have to become the profiler and figure out when he's struggling. But that's hard when I'm always so far away from him.

"You know," Spencer keeps his gaze out on the dark sky as he speaks, placing one of his hands on my thigh, "a few weeks ago when you were in Germany?"

I keep my eyes on him, nodding slowly. "Of course I remember. What about it?"

"I called you," his voice is meek and quiet, wavering and cracking. "It was the middle of the night here and I called you and you didn't pick up,"

I furrow my eyebrows at him, tilting my head. "Spence, honey, I called you back ten minutes later. I told you then, I was in an interview. I couldn't answer my phone,"

"I know," he whispers, fingers tightening around my thigh. "But I had a nightmare," he lets out a shaky breath as a new wave of tears falls down his cheeks. "They've been coming back so much worse and it sucks to be without you and I hate waking up alone and I called you because I needed you and-"

"Spencer," I hush him, wiping his cheeks again when he starts to get worked up.

So he takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. "I- you didn't pick up, and I was crying and I didn't know what was real. You know- everything looked all, you know, tunnely and blurry and I just- I needed you and you didn't answer and I was in so much pain,"

My chest feels tight and I can only imagine where this is going. Spencer has been wearing long sleeves since we saw each other for the first time yesterday but he's wearing a tee-shirt now, but the thought never crossed my mind that he relapsed. It never has. I always had confidence in him, but now? This moment is the only time when I'm scared that the road in front of us is bumpy and narrow and full of spikes and potholes.

"Spencer," I breathe out, putting my hands on his cheeks, bringing his gaze to mine. "Please tell me you didn't," His jaw tightens under my grasp and he doesn't speak immediately. He's breathing heavily under my hold and it does nothing to increase my confidence in his sobriety.

"I got dressed," he finally forces out. "I changed my clothes and I put on shoes and I was crying but I got my keys and I left my apartment." With just that, I collapse into his arms, burying my face in his neck and crying. "I don't know where I was thinking I could go but I just left my apartment. But- but then you called me," I lift my head at his words, eyebrows furrowed. "You called me right as I got outside and you were laughing at something and you just started telling me this story about how you made homemade pizza the night before with Carly and Whitney and I just- I went back home,"

"You didn't relapse?"

"No," Spencer shakes his head. "You called me and just talked to me about nonsense and you just reminded me how much I love you and how disappointed you'd be if I put such horrible stuff into my body ever again,"

My lips quiver as I nod, tears pouring down my cheeks. "Yeah," I lay my fingers on his cheeks delicately, "I'm so proud of you, baby. You're so strong,"

Spencer scoffs. "Doesn't feel like it," he looks back out at the city lights and sighs. "Is that tea offer still on the table?"

"Of course," I bring his gaze back to mine, but his eyes are glossed over. "Tell me you love me," He hums in confusion, eyebrows furrowed. "You heard me. I just wanna hear it. Just, please, tell me you love me,"

"Lottie, I love you so much," Spencer whispers, turning his head to press his lips to the palm of my hand. "I love you,"

I smile happily, content with that answer. "I love you too. I'll be right back,"

I crawl off of his lap and cover him with the blanket before hurrying inside, scurrying down the flight of stairs to the kitchen. The first floor is almost pitch black and it's only now that I notice it's four in the morning. Shaking off my exhaustion, I put on a kettle and grab two tea bags from the cabinet, happy that I have at least something in the food realm after being on tour for a few months. I carry the steaming mugs up the stairs and stifle a yawn, grumbling when I stub my toe against the top stair. But I make my way back into the bedroom and close the door with my foot, returning to the brisk balcony with my shaky boyfriend.

He's still staring off at the city as I set the mugs on the little table, taking a deep breath. "I didn't put anything in your tea," I tell him, crossing my arms over my chest. "Didn't think you wanted anything too sweet-"

"Will you marry me?"

If I was still holding the mugs, I would have dropped them. My eyes widen and my mouth goes dry, and it takes me a minute to form a coherent thought. But all I force out is, "what?"

"Will you marry me?" Spencer repeats, turning to look at me. "I've been waiting for the right moment to ask for a long time now and I just- no moment is ever gonna be the right moment, is it? And I just can't wait anymore," he moves the blanket off his lap and stands, and I notice now that he's holding a ring box in his hand. He must have grabbed it from inside while I was making tea. "I've never loved anyone the way I love you, Lottie. I wanna wake up next to you every morning and I wanna be your husband and have a family with you and grow old with you- I want that. I never thought I'd ever get that but now I have you and I never wanna let you go. I want to be by your side forever, even when you're stealing the blankets," I let out a laugh through my tears, reaching my hands up to wipe them with my sleeves. "So what do you say?" He seems genuinely nervous that I'll say no. But why would I spend five years of my life professing my undying love for this man just to deny his marriage proposal?

I sniffle, a smile creeping onto my face. "Are you gonna get down on one knee?" Spencer smiles, nodding as he leans on his knee that didn't previously get shot, opening up the ring box to reveal a beautiful jewel to me. The moment becomes real and a new wave of tears rolls down my cheeks. Spencer's crying too and it's just all too perfect. I reach my hand forward to wipe his cheeks. "Ask me again," I whisper.

Spencer catches my hand on his free one, kissing my knuckles. "Lottie, will you marry me?"

"Yes," I answer quickly with a sharp nod. "Yes, Spencer, of course, I will," The biggest smile breaks onto his face and he lets out a sigh of relief, jumping up and pulling me into a hug. He lifts me off my feet and spins me around, eliciting a giggle from me.

"Wait, let me put it on you," Spencer mumbles excitedly, setting me back down before pulling the ring out of the box and throwing it onto the floor.

He slides the ring onto my finger and it fits perfectly but I should have expected that from him. I think I told him once what my ring size was during a dress fitting for the Oscar's and, of course, he remembered all these years. He's amazing, this man.

"God, Spencer, I love you so much," I grab his cheeks and pull his lips down to mine, taking in every inch of him that I can. "I love you, I love you, I love you."

[sebthesnipe]

Morality, Magic, and Chocolate Cows

Hi @logicalyfun!!

Storytime! I wasn’t apart of the @sanderssidesgiftxchange at all. So, the fact that you got me as a pinch hitter is kinda a miracle in its own right ;3 But I’m super glad you did! I’m so sorry you didn’t get your gift on time but now you get to chill with me! And I can be pretty awesome sometimes… Occasionally… Rarely but hey! Who keeps track of that kind of stuff anyways? 

So, how did I become your pinch hitter? Well, you see. I’ve got this amazing best friend and beta reader @gilby-the-geek-girl. She actually /did/ participate in the exchange and because she’s just so amazing she offered to be a pinch hitter for it as well. 

Anyways, You’re prompt got sent to her. This one right here:

“Your giftee: Fabi

Tumblr: Logicalyfun

Media to receive: Fan fiction, Fan art

Wish 1: Puppiesss

Wish 2:  Fantasy world

Wish 3:  Starry sky night

Topics to avoid: Remrom, no NSFW”

And it gave her pause. You see, I wrote this awesome fic called My Dearest Procyon (also on AO3) that checks almost all of these boxes (minus the puppiesss, but there is a REALLY awesome cat and dragons too!). So, she thought we’d be perfect for each other! So she sent your prompt to me and here we are!

Now for the bad news… I had every intention of checking off every one of your wishes, but the story got away from me and I’m pretty sure I struck out. However, I really think you’ll like it! Please forgive me for not sticking strictly with the prompts but I do mention each, and I highly recommend MDP if you really like those things.

I’ll also make you a deal! If you don’t like this ficlet, let me know and I’ll write you a new one that adheres to your prompts exactly! ;3

(Also... posting this on Patton’s B-day so it’s like double meant to be!)

So, without further adieu, I present Morality, Magic, and Chocolate Cows:

“Have at you!” Roman cried, his tiny form bounding off the small hill to swing at his brother, his cardboard sword bending at an odd angle.

“Actually,” Logan commented, hurrying along behind him, flowing blue cape flapping in the wind. “It would’ve been ‘ye’.”

Roman  ignored him, adjusting the oversized ‘shining armor’ every time he took a step. The costume was far too large for Roman’s three foot, seven-and-a-half-inch tall body, though it was adorable to watch.

Remus, to his credit, laughed menacingly, the Sharpie mustache on his upper lip thinning from the effort as he parried his brother’s flopping cardboard blade with a small stick. His own costume consisted of a sheet, stained green, with what Patton hoped was paint (though he had never bothered to ask), wrapped around him like a toga.

“That's totally fair! Two against one!” Janus called from the safety of a tree branch; the yellow fabric of his shirt just visible through the leaves.

“I’m not fighting! I’m observing!” Logan called in his high-pitched voice, adjusting his glasses before the pointed wizard’s hat on his brow dipped forward, knocking them astray once more. His adorably pudgy form was wrapped in a shimmer fabric that reminded Patton of the stars Logan always seemed to want to tell him about.

“If you and V would help, your prince wouldn’t need an watcher-outer!” Roman whined, pausing in his attack to peer over at the older child and his companion, sitting in the shade below.

Remus took the opportunity to smack his twin across his butt with his stick, knocking Roman to the ground with a grunt.

A shrill cry filled the air, causing the other children to glance at Patton, who had been sitting on a blanket a few feet away.

Patton pushed to his feet, smiling softly as he approached the three boys, Janus and Virgil hurrying up to the crying child as well.

“It’s broken isn’t it!” Virgil rushed, his own tears threatening to fall. “Remus broke Roman’s leg! We’re all going to the hosp’al! I don’t want to go to the hosp’al! I don’t like doc’ors!” His words turned into a wail as he plopped on the grown next to Roman, waterworks in full force.

Patton examined the small scratch peaking through a tear in Roman’s jeans.

“Hm,” he sighed as if considering whether or not the wound was fatal. “We may have to amputate.”

“What?!” Remus gasped excitedly.

Janus moved over to Logan, attempting to whisper in his ear and failing. “What does ‘amputate’ mean?”

“Ample ate,” Logan attempted to repeat. “It means to eat a lot.”

“We’re going to eat him!” Remus gasped with a grin.

Patton couldn’t help but give a small chuckle at the exchange before sinking down on the lush grass and scooping Roman into his arms.

The pretend prince curled into the embrace, hiding his face in Patton’s chest as his wailing turned to sniffle.

“I don’t wanna be eaten,” he grumbled sullenly.

Patton felt Virgil curling into his side, tears soaking into his shirt. Patton glanced down, offering another small smile as he pulled him close as well.

“No one is getting eaten,” Patton chuckled softly. “Are they Remus?”

“Pft, no fair!” the mustached boy pouted, folding his arms over his chest and glaring down at his mismatched shoes.

“Why don’t we all come up with ways to make Roman’s boo-boo feel better?” Patton offered, motioning for everyone to move closer.

“I rather not,” Janus sighed softly. Still, the young boy scooted closer and sank down on the grass next to them.

Remus gave another ‘hmph’ before doing the same, though he made sure to sit far closer to Janus than anyone else.

“I can help!” Logan chirped excitedly, digging into his pockets with purpose.

Patton couldn’t help but allow his soft smile to turn even more fond. Logan was always the best helper.

Whatever Logan had in mind, it certainly got Roman’s attention. The sandy blond boy turned his head just enough that his cheek rested against Patton’s chest, eyes glued to the wizard.

A moment later, Logan produced a plastic wand. The pink shaft was a little too large for his tiny hands and the star at its end seemed to flash with tiny lights (no doubt running off of a few double A’s).

“I can cast a spell on him!” Logan offered confidently.

“But yes’rday you said magi’ wasn’t real,” Virgil whispered, still clinging to Patton’s shirt.

“Turn him into a frog!” Remus demanded eagerly; his pouting forgotten.

“Yeah, but I read it in one of my books today, so it has to be real! Right, Patton?” Logan asked, looking up at him expectantly, the others following his lead.

“Oh of course!” Patton reassured with a large grin. “Magic is very real.”

“It is?” Janus asked, suddenly invested in the conversation.

Virgil reacted in a very different manner, burying his face deeper into Patton’s side and giving a small cry. “Magi’ is scary! I dun wanna be turned into a frowg!”

“Oh sweetie,” Patton cooed, messing with the youngest child’s hair. “It’s not that type of magic,” he reassured.

“What other type of magic is there?!” Remus demanded, inching closer as he bounced with elation. “The type that can turn him into a giant squid?! Or make toilets talk?!”

“Ew!” Roman whined in response, once again earning a chuckle from Patton.

“I’m afraid not,” Patton admitted with no little amusement. “No, this kind of magic isn’t just reserved for very smart wizards.”

“It’s not?” Logan asked, moving closer and sinking down as well.

“Oh no. We all have magic of our very own that we can use whenever we want.”

“Nuh uh…” Janus breathed though he didn’t sound too convinced.

Patton nodded continuing. “Sure, we do.”

“What’s my power?!” Remus asked impatiently, “Can I make lasers come out my eyes?! Or maybe… maybe… um… summon a giant octopuspus to devour my enemies?!” He bounced to his feet roaring loudly as he stomped about.

“Your magic is something far greater,” Patton laughed.

“No way!” Remus breathed in awe; antics forgotten.

“Him?!” Roman gasped in disbelief.

Patton nodded. “Remus has the ability to see into other worlds!”

“Lame!” The boy in question huffed, falling back onto the grass.

“What do you mean?” Logan asked curiously.

“Well, Remus makes such a great villain because he sees things differently then we do,” Patton explained.

“So, he’s evil! I knew it!” Roman declared, shifting in Patton’s arms to simply sit in his lap, wound forgotten.

“Not at all,” Patton countered, acting as if he didn’t see the way Remus blew a raspberry at his brother. “Just because someone is different doesn’t make them evil.Though it can be scary, differences are what gives us our power. Take Logan for example.”

“Me?” Logan blinked in surprise, clinging to his wand a bit more self-consciously.

“Mm hmm,” Patton nodded. “Logan understands Remus better than anyone. He can understand how Remus sees the world.”

“So, he’s evil too?” Janus asked.

“I am not!” Logan cried.

“No one here is evil,” Patton laughed. “No, Logan’s magic power is that he can understand anything if given enough time.”

“So, you can figure out where chocolate milk comes from?!” Roman asked, pointedly staring at Logan who now sat a bit straighter.

“Well, if regular milk comes from a regular cow… and Patton says cows are just like oversized dogs… and there are a lot of different kinds of dogs… Then chocolate milk has to come from chocolate cows.” Logan explained in a matter-of-fact tone.

“Whoa! There are chocolate cows?! That’s so cool!” Roman gasped.

Patton was about to speak when his attention was pulled to the small hands tugging on his shirt in a patient persistence.

“Yes, Virgil?” Patton asked softly.

“Wha’s my magi’?” The youngest boy asked in a hushed whisper as the rest talked among themselves.

“You, my dear sweet shadowling,” Patton whispered, booping his nose. “have one of the strongest powers among us.”

“I do?” Virgil’s eyes grew wide, his hand lifting to his mouth to suck on his two fingers. It would be a few more years before Patton could manage to break him of the habit but it was cute nonetheless.

“Oh, yes. You have the power to protect. You tell us when something could hurt us or do damage in a way we haven’t noticed. In a way… You can see the future.” Patton’s allowed his voice to turn a bit wispy as if humbled by Virgil’s power.

“Sounds like a bunch of lies to me,” Janus interrupted, obviously eavesdropping.

“No one asked you!” Roman spat. “You didn’t even help protect your prince and now I’ve got a boo-boo! It’s not like you have any magic! ” He pointed at his knee, lifting it to put the scratch on display.

“Well, neither do you!” Janus argued.

“Oh, I think you both are pretty powerful when it comes to magic,” Patton offered.

“Well of course I am… I’m a prince!” Roman announced.

“Janus does too, Roman.” Patton mitigated.

“Like what?” Remus butted in, more curious that malicious.

“Well, Janus can work magic on people’s feelings,”

“I can?” Janus blinked in surprise.

“Well, of course Kiddo. You’re the best at it! You always know just what to say to make Remus feel better after he loses against the Prince’s armies,” Patton explained, “And you always know how to answer Roman’s questions about his costumes.” Naturally, Patton left out the fact that Janus used little white lies to work his magic and that he didn’t quite agree with the method, but the results were noteworthy.

“Boring!” Roman whined. “What about me?” Roman looked up at Patton expectantly.

“You, dear prince,” Patton replied, nuzzling him affectionately. “have the ability to change the world as we know it. You can push us to follow every passion our heart desires. You give us the very drive that will sustain us throughout our lives. ”

“What? That’s not fair! Why didn’t I get a cool power like that?” Remus huffed, sulking once more.

“’Cause I’m the Prince and I say so!” Roman answered, squirming in Patton’s arms. “Now, be quiet, Patton is talking about me!”

“Mneh!” Remus stuck out his tongue once more, but his brother ignored him.

“Now, now. I think all of your powers are cool,” Patton attempted.

“But Patton…” Logan mumbled, softly, as he stared up at the seemingly grown man. “What’s your power?”

Patton’s chest tightened at the question. Leave it to Logan to pull at the one string Patton wasn’t prepared for. What was Patton’s power? He manifested just as they all did, only he was the first. He grew faster than the rest of them, unable to keep up with Thomas growth, unable to keep up with his insecurity.

He was just Patton…. He had no magic… He wasn’t special. Not like the others.

He forced his smile to remain in place, trying not to let his voice crack as he answered. “Why would I ever need to be more than just happy pappy Patton when I get to spend time with all of you amazing magicians?”

“Patton?” Logan called, his voice distant and far too baritone to be coming from the pudgy boy before him. “Patton are you in here?” Logan called again causing the man to glance over his shoulder.

The memory he had immersed himself in froze, the boys still staring up at him.

He wiped a tear from his eye quickly and waved his hand, the children disappearing, leaving him alone in the small field behind their childhood home.

“I’m over here!” Patton called, standing and dusting off his pants, trying not to feel the loss. They had needed him so thoroughly. Everything was so different now. The boys were all grown. They all faced Thomas’ problems with a maturity Patton never could seem to muster. No doubt they thought him the child now.

 Logan strode up the small hill in his usual dark polo and striped tie adorning his broad shoulders.

“There you are,” Logan greeted with the same half smile he always did.

“Sorry, did you need something?” Patton asked softly, forcing his smile to turn warm.

“Yes, actually,” Logan admitted. “It seems Remus and Roman are fighting again, and Virgil and Janus are placing bets on who can make the most constructs in the imagination. It is truly a disaster. There are puppies and octopoda everywhere. No one will see reason. I could really use your help.”

Patton softened a bit at the words. Maybe they still needed him… just a tiny bit. He supposed he could live with that.

“Puppies?!” Patton squealed in excitement.

Logan’s gaze moved about the scene taking it in, obviously having expected Morality’s reaction. “Isn’t this…” he hesitated, turning on his heel. “Wasn’t this the field behind our home back in Orlando?”

“Oh…” Patton breathed, flushing slightly. “Is it?”

“It is! Thomas used to play out here all the time! We all did!” Logan mused, with a small huff of laughter. “Wow, it has been quite some time.”

Patton offered a melancholy smile as he glanced around. He missed it all. It was nice to have the memories though. At least he could relive it when ever he wanted. Though he doubted Logan would even bother to try to remember-

“You know 7% of Americans really do believe chocolate milk comes from chocolate cows,” Logan informed him, “And Roman is still one of them.” He laughed.

Patton’s heart fluttered at the fact that Logan remembered such a minute detail. He really was magic.

The sound of Logan’s deep chuckle had Patton joining him. “Best not spoil it for him,” Patton teased lightly as Logan offered out an arm for him to take as they headed out of the memory.

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Logan reassured.

 La Fin.

[91percentpynch]

the raven cycle x all for the games crossover part one - ronan and the ravens

i dedicate this to leni, as she sent me fanart of ronan lynch in a raven uniform and we started to talk about this. you probably won‘t see this, but this is for you. trigger warning: mention of abuse, mention of scars, mention/ hinting of rape, description of physical abuse at the end!! if i should add any warnings let me know!!

ronan joined the ravens because niall fucked up the moriymas and it was giving them one of their sons or dying

well we all know niall is a narcist so obviously he chose a son of his instead of his own death

declan figured that out pretty fast and immediatly volunteered so that niall would let ronan and matthew live in peace

but niall had other plans - he chose ronan: attitude problem and dreamer? he would surive the cruelties of the nest

declan told ronan, promised him to keep him safe, to not let niall take him away

declan tried to save him, really did try, but in the end he was just a teenage boy and their father? well he was their father, powerful dreamer, narcistic asshole, stubborn without limits

one night when declan and ronan go to bed, declan in ronan‘s room like every night since they heard from the deal, their father came in their room and got ronan

declan didn‘t notice, he slept too deeply - one of niall‘s dreams, so he would get ronan without declan noticing

when declan noticed however he screamed and cried and woke the entire house up

matthew didn‘t understand why his older brother cried in the room of the middle child every single day since the day ronan mysterically disappeared

riko tries to break him, because investments don‘t have feelings, they aren‘t human

little does he know that ronan doesn‘t have feelings, he doesn‘t have a heart you can break

besides that he lived with niall lynch long enough to know what pain feels like - after all their father gave them boxing/ fighting lessons and taught them how to handle pain

ronan is a backliner, he is jean‘s partner

jean and ronan grow really close

ronan promised to keep jean safe and unless declan ronan masters and sticks to his plans

he does everything to get riko‘s attention - disrespecting him, not showing up to practise, not doing as he was told

riko tried to use jean against ronan only ONCE - one of the only regrets the king of exy had in his sorry life

when riko tries to use that against him, ronan protects jean by fighting riko

this ends in riko torturing him

ronan doesn‘t mind

ronan is a dreamer in this universe

only jean knows about him

ronan dreams jean and himself things against the pain

ronan is actually super good at exy

almost as good as kevin

kevin has a crush on ronan

ronan doesn‘t care, because kevin is not his type

his type is adam parrish - starting dealer from the palmetto foxes

when they marked him, he tried to get a feeling of what the color is like, so when he went to bed he got himself a tattoo of his own

on his back, a maejestic raven, two boys kissing, surrounded by the forrest in his dreams

he hides it as good as he can from riko - for jean‘s sake because yes he fought him once and he might have left him in peace but you never know with that psychopath, do you?

and so he goes through the days, pain blurring them all together, jean always waiting for him in their room

„you don‘t have to do that, you don‘t have to take all the pain for my mistakes“, jean whispers in french once again.

„jean, moi soleil, i promised you to keep you safe. i‘m not my fucking brother. i never lie. i keep my promise, i will keep you safe. and if that means that i have to entertain our favourite dickhead, i will gladly do that“, ronan replied softly.

„i don‘t want you to be in pain“, jean admitted quietly.

„jean, you idiot, i am always in pain. either in my dreams or in this hellhole. but at least seeing riko furious is fun, unless my dreams“, ronan‘s eyes slowly wandered to his scars on his wrist.

jean just takes ronan‘s hands and holds them - their secret promise to never leave each other‘s side

eventually they fall asleep, jean‘s head on ronan‘s shoulder, ronan‘s head on top of jean‘s dark brown curles

they get woken up by a furious riko

ronan wasn‘t able to hide his tattoo fast enough, riko already saw it

„how dare you? how dare you disrespecting your master you piece of shit?“, riko yelled.

„which master? all i see is a little dickhead with a napoleon complex“, ronan replied calmly, looking riko right in the cold, dead dark brown eyes.

riko didn‘t take these words well and went straight for jean

„i would think about touching him twice if i were you. i don‘t know how you see it but i‘m roughly a foot taller and i know how to box. I wouldn‘t take my chances there. one more step towards him, one funny look and we‘ll find out“, ronan said calmly, „whatever you want to do to him, do it to me. i‘m a lot of fun. don‘t like my tattoo because you‘re an homophobic brat? well try burn it off me. take a knife and cut it off me. i don‘t care, i‘m a big guy, i can take it. however we don‘t want the other dickhead to know i might not show up to practice because my back hurts and oh, how my exy will suffer under that. probably gonna send someone to me in the shower again, oh how creative“

riko however didn‘t listen and took another furious step towards jean, hatred and madness in his eyes, which only meant once: brutality, torture, no limits of his anger

ronan out stepped riko and put himself in front of jean „go as far back as you can. sit down on your bed, face to the wall“, ronan said to jean in french, the other boy did as he was told, not knowing what else he should do

it was one of these times where ronan asked himself what that boy did before he arrived three years ago. how he surrived so long. obviously he saw his scars and ronan blamed himself for every single one of them. technically they weren‘t his fault, he wasn‘t here. but his brain stopped working properly when it came to the people he loved, he cared about.

he took his chance, the moment of suprise on his side and punched him right in his face. when riko tripped over his own feet ronan didn‘t hestiate and kicked him in the stomach. riko was never used to abuse, he was never beaten, never kicked, so he fell to the floor, holding his stomach, trying to catch his breathe

again ronan didn‘t hestiate, he took jean and ran for it

ran without any goal, without any orientation, he didn‘t plan this through, he just knew they didn‘t have time

„run, if you can make it without me, you run! do you hear me jean? run!“, he whisper-shouted at the other boy as they made their way through an dark corridor

„i won‘t leave you behind. i‘ll go with you, or not at all. he will kill you if we don‘t make it“, jean replied, anxiety making his accent thicker

they were just about to run around the corner when kevin came into their way

„what are you guys doing?“, he asked innocently.

„oh we‘re on a romantic fucking walk, watching the sunset asshole. we‘re fleeing. from your nice little cult. we‘re going. and if i find out you tell someone what we do i will come back and murder you princess. now either move out of the fucking way or join us for all i care. but if mr dickhead king of exy finds me, he will murder you, so i would really appreciate you making your decision fucking fast shithead“, ronan whispered fastly and furiously.

„i‘ll go with you, i‘ll bring you out“, kevin says in french.

ronan knew he didn‘t have the time to question day so he followed him, jean always close, ready to fight anyone who would be a danger for him

kevin navigates them through the labyrinth of the nest fast, always in the shadows, carefully that they won‘t be seen

somehow they managed to get out of the nest, but they didn‘t stop, they couldn‘t, not if they wanted to live

„did any of you actually plan this through?“, jean asks nervously

„of course i planned that riko would walk in on us sleeping together in one bed, where my back with my secret tattoo is exposed, where i then beat and kick him, take your hand and run like my life depends on it. and while i was at it i texted day ‚hey dickhead wanna go on an adventure;)‘ with my non-existent mobile“, ronan replied annoyed

„i actually did plan that sometimes, for fun. thought i might wanna visit my dad, thought i might wanna change teams. you know, riko gets harder and harder to stan with his perfect team bullshit and bla bla bla ronan and jean are not worthy your attentin bla bla bla stop talking about jeremy knox bla bla bla i will show you how that feels like bla bla bla being forced to sleep with riko bla bla bla“, kevin said quietly, they almost didn‘t make the words out.

„i thought he wouldn‘t do that to you, asshole“, ronan replied softly, „as much as we love a good talk about shared trauma, how did you plan to get away from here“

„actually no“, kevin said.

„how long do you think we have until mr dickhead is coming out here with his shithead uncle to kill us all?“, ronan asked calmly.

„i‘d say not long? five minutes the longest“, kevin replied.

ronan could physically feel jean‘s anxiety

„jean, it‘s gonna be okay, give me two seconds“, ronan replied. „i‘m gonna lay down now. if they come, jean you run. run as fast as you can. take them down. don‘t let them catch you. day? help him, i swear to god if i hear you didn‘t i will come visit you and i will not be as nice as riko“, ronan sadi to kevin, with a cold smile on his lips

over the years ronan learned how to control his sleep, how to fall asleep fast and dream something fast, this would work

ronan carefully lays down, closes his eyes and takes a deep breathe. he repeats this a few times. quickly he falls asleep and thinks of the car his father owned. a black bmw. the memories might not be nice ones, but they need a car and this was the only one he knows by heart. carefully he touches it, checks if everything is alright and when he is sure it is, he wakes up, holding on to it like his life depens on it - which in this case it literally does

just in time to furious shouts he wakes up

the car next to him and he quickly gets in

„i recommend getting in if you don‘t want to you know get murdered by the japanese mafia shitheads“, he says calmly.

„you- you“, kevin tries to say.

jean just gets in the car and forcefully pulls kevin with him

„we have time to talk once we have some miles between these psychopaths and us day, so shut your pretty mouth and get the fuck in“, ronan says.

when the doors are closed ronan goes for it

he obviously does not know how to drive, but this was one of his dreams and his dreams never failed to suprise him

the car goes the moment he puts his foot down on one of the pedals, it doesn‘t have multiply gears, just one and it works

„to make this short: i am a dreamer. that means i can take shit out of my dreams. that‘s why jean and i could play. well, i don‘t know how you two losers surrived so long without me, but i will keep you safe. i don‘t lie. i‘m gay. you are not my type, so don‘t even try to hit on me. if you hurt jean i willl murder you, i don‘t who you are, i don‘t care what you are, hurt my family and die“

„i‘m your family?“, jean said, his voice barley more than a breathe.

ronan doesn‘t have to turn his face around to see the silent tears running down the face of the french boy

once again ronan wonders how jean deserved this life, this beautiful, sarcastic, yet kind soul

„of fucking course asshole, you‘re the only motherfucker who can handle me“, ronan replies.

„okay enough sentimental bullshit and emotions, day where are we going? have we planned that as well?“

„palmetto state, to my father. well he doesn’t know he‘s my father, but i guess he‘ll love two backlliners and a kevin day - second best striker in the united states“

„palmetto state it is. hope they‘re ready for the mafia to come visit to get us“, ronan replied, a small smile on his lips as he thinks about all the new possibilities and hopes he now dared to dream for

[thejolexgroupchat]

Hi! Love all the fics you guys write :) could you guys do one where Jo and Alex were together before Alex even started his intern year? Like idk they met somehow while Jo was in college & Alex was in led school and started dating. Everyone tries to hook up with Alex but he’s got this super secret girlfriend that everyone makes fun of him for. They could still have a large age gap or they could be like a year or two apart. Basically, I just want to see Alex holding out for Jo and being super proud & showing her off when she gets into the residency program.

the one where they met in med school - part one

So... we absolutely LOVED this prompt, took it and ran with it. This originally was supposed to be a one-shot, but it kind of grew out of control and became what it is now.

This fic was written by @iamtrebleclefstories (Leya), @doc-pickles (Nina), and tumblr-less Nat

                                                           ———

                                                       (July 2006)

“Hey! I miss you,” Jo smiled as she talked into the phone. “How was your first week as an intern?”

“Honestly? It sucked. But it was also amazing. I don’t know if that makes sense,” Alex replied, shrugging although he knew she couldn’t see him. “And for the record, I miss you more.”

“That’s impossible. You’re so busy you don’t even have time to miss me,” Jo chuckled. “Me on them other hand? My life revolves around school and studying. Studying isn’t as fun without you around. I miss our study dates.”

“I do too,” Alex sighed. He really did miss her. A lot. All the time. He’d only been living in Seattle for a month and it was definitely a challenge. He really didn’t know how he was going to make it through the next year without her. “But at least you have Lexie there. You’re not completely alone.”

“Yeah you’ve got a point,” Jo hummed. “But Lexie doesn’t do all the things for me that you do, if you know what I mean.”

Alex groaned, “Stop it. We’re way too far away from each other to do this. I need you so bad right now and I can’t have you and it sucks.”

“Tell me about it,” Jo agreed. She couldn’t believe how far they’d come. She and Alex had been together for about 2 ½ years now. In all that time, they’d been attached at the hip. He was her best friend and she was his. It was odd not seeing him everyday. It was unnatural to sleep without him beside her at night like he’d been doing for years. “I have a week-long break next month though and I was thinking of coming to visit. I’ve saved up a bunch of money from tutoring undergrads.”

“Would it be bad of me to just keep you locked up in my apartment the whole time you’re here, because that sounds appealing,” Alex’s words sparked a string of laughter from Jo, making him sigh down the line. “I miss hearing your laugh and that makes me feel pathetic. It feels like I’m in one of those stupid rom coms you and Lexie forced me to watch all the time.” “We didn’t force you, you readily agreed to it, Karev,” Lexie’s voice echoed faintly in the background, Jo shushing her as the two bickered quietly. 

“Am I on speaker?” 

“Um… maybe?” Jo shrugged, knowing that he couldn’t see her through the phone. “You can’t possibly be embarrassed. Lexie has seen and heard worse from you.”

“I sure have,” Lexie yelled out from her spot across the room. “Keep going! Don’t let me stop you from being all mushy and talking about how much you miss Jo.”

Alex rolled his eyes, “Keep your comments to yourself, let me enjoy my girlfriend for a little while please.”

“So, tell me. Did you make any friends yet?” Jo asked. 

“What is this? Middle school?” Alex scoffed. “I’m not here to make friends. I’m here to become a surgeon. A kickass, rich, plastic surgeon.”

“Yes I’m sure between the scut work and the enemas you have plenty of time to dream about all the money you’re gonna make,” Jo giggled down the line. 

“Oh, you just wait. When you’re an intern I’m going to have you doing all my scut,” Alex warned playfully. “You’ll be sorry for making fun of my career aspirations.”

“I just can’t see you going into plastics,” Jo confessed, a large grin on her face. “Not that you wouldn’t be good at it, but I just don’t see it. Maybe general or ortho!”

“General? Wow I didn’t realize you thought so little of me,” Alex leaned back onto the brick wall behind him as he listened to the sounds of Jo’s quiet laughter. 

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with general,” Jo insisted. She groaned as she saw the time. The worst part about Alex moving across the country was the time difference. “I wish I could talk more, but I really have to get ready for bed. I will try to call you tomorrow evening.”

“I’m on-call tomorrow,” Alex revealed sadly. “I hate this. I went from going to bed next to you every night to struggling to even find some time during the day to talk.”

“I know,” Jo sighed. “I hate it, too. Of course I wish you were here, but I am so proud of you.  You’re living the dream right now, Alex. If that means I have to miss you for a little while, so be it.”

God, he really loved this woman. Alex smiled and clutched the phone tightly, “I love you. So much.”

“I love you too,” Jo answered. It still made her heart beat quickly whenever she heard him say those words. He’d been the first person to ever say them to her and mean it. “Go kick some ass.”

“I will,” Alex chuckled. “Goodnight.” 

“Goodnight.”

Alex hung up his phone and sighed as he walked back into the bar across the street from the hospital. He walked back up to the group of his fellow interns and ordered a beer, staring at his phone for a moment before finally putting it back in his pocket. 

“What’s up with you?” Yang asked. “You look all, mopey.” 

“It’s nothing,” Alex shook his head.

“No, she’s right. You look depressed,” Grey seconded. 

“I’m fine,” Alex took a swig of his beer. “I’m just a little homesick.”

“You know what will cheer you up? Getting laid. You see that girl over there,” Yang pointed to a woman across the bar with red hair and blue eyes. “She’s been eyeing you for a while now. I’m sure if you asked she’d say yes.”

“I don’t need to get laid,” Alex narrowed his eyes at her. “I’m fine.”

“No, you’re uptight. Isn’t he Stevens?” Yang asked the woman he’d identified as Dr. Model. 

“He is,” Stevens nodded, laying her hand on Alex’s shoulder. “I know we’ve only known each other for like a week, but this is the most disappointed and depressed that I’ve seen you. And that’s saying a lot, considering that we are surgical interns and basically slaves to the hospital.”

"I'm not depressed and I do not need to get laid," Alex grumbled, taking a swig of his beer. "If you must know, I was on the phone with my girlfriend."

"Evil Spawn has a girlfriend?" Cristina raised an eyebrow. "I didn't take you for a relationship type guy."

"Neither did I, but then I met her. So, just stop pestering and let me mope in peace."

"Wow. Karev has a heart," O'Malley chuckled and took a sip of his drink. "I didn't see that one coming."

“Oh screw you guys, why don’t you go get laid? Being so invested in someone else’s love life has gotta be a sign that you need to get some.”

                                                          ———

                                                   (August 2003)

“Hey! You’re Jo right?” 

Jo turned around to see a young woman with short brown hair and brown eyes smiling at her. Jo outstretched her hand, “Yes. I’m Jo. You’re Lexie, my lab partner right?”

“Yup!  It’s so nice to officially meet you,” Lexie shook Jo’s hand. 

She seemed like a sweet and perky person. The exact kind of person that Jo didn’t normally associate with. For the longest time, Jo didn’t have any friends or get attached to anyone. She had two friends the entirety of her undergrad and typically didn’t look to make any more. Jo supposed it would be nice to have someone, "It's nice to meet you, too."

                                              (September 2003)

"I can't believe you actually did that!" Jo exclaimed as she and Lexie walked down to the lab. "You became another one of Karev's conquests."

"Honestly, I don't even regret it," Lexie confessed, a large smile on her face. "There is a reason why Leah is so hung up on him. He knows what he's doing. You should go for it. Sleeping with him is like a right of passage or something."

"Ew, no way," Jo faked a gag. "He's an ass. I have much higher standards than Alex Karev."

They entered the lab to find the program's resident man-whore going over some samples. Jo had to admit, he was pretty hot. Alex Karev was cocky and charming and incredibly intelligent. He was always getting the highest grades and was every professor's favorite student. She was into him. But she'd never say it out loud.

"Hey, Lexie," Alex smirked as they walked over to their stations. He gave Jo a once over and looked at her with one of his signature crooked grins. "Hello Lexie's friend. You got a name?"

Jo considered staying quiet but finally decided to respond, "Jo Wilson."

"Nice, I like chicks with boys' names."

"Karev, " Lexie warned.

"What? I do. It's hot," Alex shrugged.

"Alex, stop sleeping with all the first years. It ruins them," Lexie admonished.

"I slept with you," Alex pointed out. 

"Yeah, and it's never going to happen again. Besides, Jo's my best friend," Lexie shrugged. "I'm protective of her."

                                                (October 2003)

“I told you I didn’t need you to follow me,” Jo grumbled. “I can take care of myself.”

"Calm down,  princess. There's no need to get your panties in a twist," Alex rolled his eyes at Jo who'd been yelling at him for the past few minutes. They'd been studying with a group of friends in the library when Jo decided to leave and Alex offered to walk her home. “I just don’t think you should be walking home alone with that fancy watch on your wrist that daddy probably gifted you. Can’t risk someone mugging the princess.” 

"Stop calling me princess!" Jo shouted, turning to face Alex as anger bubbled up inside of her. She took a deep breath and tried to calm herself for a moment. "My mother left me at a fire station when I was two weeks old. I got bumped around foster homes until I was sixteen when I took matters into my own hands and started living out of a car. I parked it behind the gym of my high school so I could sneak in and use the showers before class. My home ec teacher--Ms. Schmidt--she’d let me do my laundry there for free. And yeah, I got into good schools because I worked my ass off. And when I walked across that stage at graduation, I didn’t have a cheering section filled with my richy-rich family. I had one person, Ms. Schmidt. That’s it. She’s the one who gave me this watch when I got into Med School. Her son works for the company.” 

Alex had the decency to look down at the ground ashamed. He walked up to the wall Jo was leaning against and stood beside her, “It is a nice watch.” 

“Thanks.” 

The next time they see each other, things are different. Understanding Jo’s background gave Alex a deeper appreciation for her work ethic. Even though they were in different years, Alex found himself seeking Jo out for projects and studying. Being around her made him want to be better. He wanted to excel in ways he hadn’t in the past. And that said a lot, considering he was already at the top of his class. 

So that’s why when he saw her sitting at the bar a couple weeks later, he decided to join her. They’d had an argument earlier in the day where some things were said. Alex walked up to the bar and grinned at the bartender, “A beer for me and another round for Hobo Jo. Let me guess… Thunderbird or is it straight paint thinner?” Alex looked back up at the bartender. “You got a little brown paper bag you can put that in?”

“Would you stop,” Jo sighed and looked at Alex. “I had no parents. I lived in my car. Yes I have trust issues, it comes with the territory.” 

“You need to stop acting like you’re the only person who ever had a crappy childhood,” Alex rolled his eyes slightly. 

“Oh yeah? How many foster homes did you get kicked out of before you moved into your car?” 

“Seventeen. And I didn’t live in my car. I went to juvie,” Alex took a sip of his drink. 

“Stop making fun of me,” Jo shook her head. 

“I’m not.” 

Jo’s face scrunched in interest, “Really?”

“And you’re actually lucky that your folks abandoned you. It means you didn’t have to watch your schizo mom go after your baby brother with a steak knife.” 

“Fine, fair,” Jo conceded. “But you never woke up in the middle of the night with junkies banging on your bedroom windshield, praying they’d get tired or bored before they put a rock through a window.”

“No, I didn’t,” Alex shook his head in response. “Because the junkie was my dad and he didn’t break windows, just fingers.” 

“Well, did you ever have foster parents that made you and nineteen other kids sleep on cots in the basement? Locking the doors, lights out, so that if you had to pee in the middle of the night, you had to use buckets they set up along the wall. Buckets you couldn’t see because if you turned the lights on, the bigger kids would hold you down and take those buckets and--” Jo’s voice cracked slightly.

Alex bowed his head in sadness, “God… no, never.” 

“Me neither,” Jo shrugged. “Saw it in a movie on cable.” 

Alex’s mouth twitched into a shocked grin as he let out a few chuckles, “How did you get cable in your car?”

“I don’t live in my car anymore, jerk,” Jo giggled lightly. 

Her story must’ve done the trick to break the ice because before they knew it, Jo and Alex were well on their way to becoming best of friends. They laughed and joked together for hours, even going as far as fake crying to get out of paying their tab. 

“You know, you’re not half bad, Karev,” Jo grinned as she and Alex walked out of the bar. She clutched the sides of Alex’s jacket which he had so kindly allowed her to borrow. “I actually had a lot of fun tonight.” 

“So did I, Wilson,” Alex smiled back at her. “What do you say we grab some tacos and eat them in the back of my truck?”

“Sounds great to me.”

[fandom-sheep]

MCC 24 JUL 21

Green Guardians and Pink Parrots Part 1/2

Alright I’m finally back! I’m only half watching while I clean my room but it’s fine.

I’m watching Fundy’s POV on my main screen and Ranboo’s on my phone where I’m typing this.

Ranboo pre game stream let’s gooo.

I’m so very entertained by the background Tubbo noises.

He’s so happy. I don’t know if I have it in my to watch Fundy’s POV even though I’m cheering for the Green Guardians.

Sands of time. Let’s go!

We are going to hear these boys in each other’s backgrounds.

This has “mom can we play Minecraft at our sleepover” vibe.

Phil’s streaming. Where is the fox boy…

Boys trying to out noise each other.

Please tell over to tubbo about how loud he is being. It would be funny.

It’s so much fun watching this boy achieve his goals. I love watching people achieve their goals.

Actual MCC server!!!

Good time for screeny. Nobody is chilling.

BURGER!

I saw him! I saw that fox run past!

“Ahh” - Ranboo

“Aaaa” -Tubbo

“Ahhhh” -Ranboo

“Aaaa” -Tubbo

High school ish age boy in competitive scenario. This will be so much fun.

Microphone magic time!

Hey I hear the boys!

And it works well.

It does echo???? How???

“It was a joint effort. I came up with some bad ideas you came up with the idea that works.” -Tubbo

Also known as every other group chat I’ve ever been in.

Lmanburg flag at rally?

What?

No. Let’s do free clout.

Ranboo being a problem.

Why is everyone in that VC?

What problems are these children causing.

Fundy is live! Where is my iPad time to dual wield streams.

Spatula???

Dual spatulas.

It’s time to start!!!

Where is the fox?

You know. I might reverse it. I might have to watch Pink Parrots mainly and just ignore green guardians.

I’m going to put Wilbur on my iPad so I can see the chaos man. Now to decide which POV I’m listening to. Probably Ranboo. Wilbur on mine is slightly behind.

They asked if Wilbur was going change his skin? That never happens. He had to wear the sweater of shame at Christmas time.

I have them both almost perfectly sinced but it’s at the point it almost sounds echoed.

No it’s just tubbo who sounds echoed.

Nope can’t get it to sync. Just listening on my speaker.

No surround sound here. Unless I get really board.

Manifesting the win?

Manifolding the win.

Bavid.

Time to annoy the other teams.

From here on I’m going to try to be productive while I watch. Wait no. The music isn’t in sync with the one I’ll mostly be watching.

Oh I forgot TapL was there. Nope it’s not syncing. Just going to have Ranboos on my phone be secondary.

Wilbur POV let’s go.

We trash talking. Look at them go.

Ahh. English area codes. What the enigma.

Let’s win pink parrots!!! How do I always end up cheering for this team…

I need to make pink parrot art.

Oh no. Just Wilbur.

Oh no. It’s all Tubbo.

Wilbur reminds me of a good camp counselor motivating his team. Not like one of my coworkers.

My brother isn’t home today so we can’t have a watch party like we wanted.

My mom is confused with my and my brother’s investment in MCC but we told her it was the national championships of Minecraft.

Oh poor Fundy tagging on the other side.

I need to remember to collect channel points.

I’m sorry why is my internet acting stupid. Work you!

Pink and purple. The tween girls second most idea color pallet.

They are over motivating the Soot.

Thought Wilbur was going to explode from peer pressure there.

Yooo. I figured out how to watch Fundy! I can split screen my ipad between the app and the website. Tiny Fundy screen and big Wilbur screen and tiny Ranboo screen on my phone.

They can’t warn fast enough.

Time to watch and ad and support Wilbur because it got too far behind for my liking while I fought with the tiny Fundy screen.

I need to put away the books I’m pressing flowers in. But I don’t want to mess up the flowers.

Wonder how soon I’ll have to start a new post because I ran out of bullet points.

Nah I’m not keeping Fundy’s POV open. I want full screen Pink Parrots.

Music brain made the lyric connection.

I could drink 3 bottles of water every round.

The boys with the superior bladders.

What happened with Wilbur? What I didn’t see anything happen with the stream.

Nox crew role play??? What?

Wait. Did red team just fall into the void?

What?

I found a skirt and I’m wondering why I don’t wear it more often.

It goes down to my knees I could even wear this to church.

Offhand wool!

Time to battle in the box!

Exciting death boots.

Go!!! Do wool! Get em!

Oh wow. They both died. At the same time.

They can hear the Tommy. That’s how well these dudes know one another.

Bragging on each other.

Everyone surprised that Wilbur is entering his old man years.

Woohoo!

Random history moments with Tubbo.

Woohoo (again)!

Ranboos just going to jinx it.

Oh no I need my charger!

Got my charger! Rejoined at “Minecraft butts make big… videos” and am quite confused.

Skilled boys!!

Poof goes the Bur.

They beat Dream???

Casually refolding every bandana I own while watching battle box.

I found a peppermint tea bag.

Come on get mid! Noooo.

Pink parrots doing pretty good from what I see in MCC live.

I thought Ranboo had an actual burger on his face cam. I was so confused for a moment.

Yelling across the room casually.

Wilbur is back. You can hear him.

Wilbur is like a kid trying to get a duck out of the pond.

Sky battle?

Shake? Shake shake shake?

Oh no. Now all the chat is crying over Ghostbur. Myself included.

Pink parrots on top so far! Never mind that didn’t last long.

Go Wilbur! Go Tubbo! Go Ranboo! Go TapL!

Wilbur go poof.

3rd atm.

Oh we’ve gone down.

No he was not good. But he paved the way for TapL.

We’re in 2nd?? Are the other teams dead or something?

If we’re going down and yelling timber.

4th. Not bad.

Woohoo!

Go green guardians!!

So proud of them.

Pants and Boots!

Still in 6th for sky battle.

Bless his heart TapL is so worried.

Red Rabbits and Green guardians are close.

My streams are out of sync. So confused.

We’re in lead!!

WE WON!!!

My iPad is struggling with Will’s stream but it’s going!

Come on Parrots!

Alright got it up again. Got it up again.

If I were a streamer I wouldn’t be good at MCC. I can’t competitive properly. I just like making jokes and being goofy.

Not a good lead but oh well never mind we don’t have the lead.

Red Rabbits YUM.

“Do not engage” as they set off tnt.

Get those stupid rabbits! Or whoever is attacking. I’ve never been good at any sports.

First again!

Hold on guys!

They won!!! With Wilbur hovering on the edge of the void!!!

PINK PARROTS FIRST PLACE (for now but I’m still excited)

Talented team!! Look at them go!

Get your screen shot little Y/N fan boy.

Not surprised we’re more popular than the olympics.

Had to go brag to my parents that there are more people watching MCC than the olympics. They were also not surprised.

Sands of Time. The wildcard game.

Sand sand sand sand.

We have a key for a vault already?

Putting away shoes. Nothing to make you be productive like watching Minecraft peeps play a competitive game.

“Everywhere is a way into somewhere”

Come on boys.

Time to switch to Ranboos POV. See if I can spot that N with my grown up can spot things vision.

Nope don’t see this mysterious letter.

TapL if you got nothing to do bother Ranboo to help him find that N.

Calm Tubbo. Tubbo chill.

Really. The map is broken and they are taking forever helping.

Key!!! Fight Fight Fight.

Ranboo apologizing.

If his team loses this kid will blame himself.

Go Tubbo and Ranboo.

Vault open!

Out of sand = prepare to book it.

1:30 (90 sec) let’s go.

Less than a minute. Evacuate!

Oh no Ranboo is lost. Hurry kiddo!

They made it?

They made it.

Off goes the Wilbur. Now to wait.

Come on pink parrots.

Is it bad I can’t see sands of time coins in MCC live or am I just crazy?

5th. Better than I expected.

THEY ARE STILL FIRST???

Barely. But they are.

We get to vote now?!?

Quick to the voting!

I had to fight Twitter to vote.

The app didn’t want to work.

What’s the acronym one?

I’m sorry did I just hear that Wilbur taught Tubbo how to spell fuck?

Ranboo has the iron bladder.

I drank so much water but I just kinda do that.

Listen to Wilbur getting soft and encouraging Ranboo in his first game.

And Wilbur wanting him back. And planning to manipulate Scott.

Doesn’t surprise me that Wilbur would manipulate Scott. I know he probably doesn’t but still.

Look at all us audience beings.

Hooray David. I don’t know who you are but sup.

I’m sitting on a yoga ball to type and I about fell off. That wouldn’t have been fun.

All of Wills chat blessing him.

David just did the vocal equivalent of 👍🏻

Ooo I found a dollar.

And of course Tubbo likes the olympics. Trampoline boy should love them.

Nooo. Not tubbo!

Whoopsy. There go the parrots.

Why does my Wilbur stream keep goofing. See this is why I don’t actually liveblog I am so behind it’d be delayed anyway.

Instead of replacing with Phil replace with Kristen.

Keep it up Pink Parrots keep it up. *clap clap*

Where is my old cheerleading book?

Oh this is so behind. I saw ranboo fall on his POV then waited a few moments to see him on Wills.

Let’s reset it again for now. Look like it’s close. And I got an ad this time.

If it gets super behind again I’m going to just switch to Ranboo on my iPad and see if that works.

Wills is slightly ahead now. That’s how I like it.

Wilbur is such a motivating human. I swear I keep thinking that I’m hearing my coworkers encouraging campers at a kickball game or something.

Oh we’re dropping. But we’re still going.

How the actual hay are we still here.

Keep it up TapL!!

2nd!

300 and a bit to get back to first.

Look at Ranboo and Wilbur. So happy.

Ok singy boi with the ability to do one sound for a long time.

I want TapL on DSMP. It would be funny I like this guy. What does this guy stream? I want to start watching him.

Ace Race? I love ace race.

Ooo buildmart. Used to be my favorite but now no one hates it anymore.

I like least liked games. Least liked games act as great equalizers. No one is happy and it’s funny.

“You have such a way with words” -TapL (?)

“Thanks I’m a song writer” -Wilbur

Why are we doing dramatic monologues?

Sounds neat. I like this deep story.

Who is dying? What? I zoned out for a minute.

Cant wait to see that audio appear on tiktok.

You go Wilbur. I believe in you.

You go Ranboo become a lover or hater of Ace Race.

“I keep on stabbing people in the butt with my fork” -Ranboo

Again can’t wait to see that audio appear on tiktok.

I love Wilburs angry “which glitch” he’s experienced all of them.

No don’t stop Wilburs channel! I’ll watch an ad but let me watch ace race.

Ranboo has learned to dislike ace race.

Feels like a achievement. You have made Ranboo hate ace race.

Tubbo did it! Whoop!

Good job Will!

Good Job team!

Second team to finish!!!

Wait it says they are in 3rd on MCC live?

Phil Head!

Hey 1st. Good job Parrots!

The perspective I watch doesn’t matter. All I see is shifting at Wilbur either way.

Ranboo booked it.

Techno. Oh how we miss him. He was there last MCC but still.

Wait why are they in the soggy? I missed it?

Dunk tank?

End on build mart! Everyone sounded so sad! I’m so happy! I picked the right team!

Oh acronym is terra swoop force!!! Go Philza.

I’m practical shot who will win.

Pink Parrots doing actually pretty good according to MCC live.

Good job guys!

Resetting Wilburs stream while nothing is happening so I don’t miss anything later.

OH WAIT STUFF IS STILL HAPPENING I SEE IT ON RANBOOS!

Oh final text block. I’m going to have to make 2 posts.

[preservationandruin]

Rhythm of War Liveblog, Part One Part Four (Chapters 12-15)

Previous Post

Onward! I feel like these posts are pretty long and don’t cover a lot, but then i remember that a lot of Part One every time is setting up what’s happening, and this one in particular we have an entire year’s worth of stuff to fill in, so I guess it’s warranted. 

Kaladin hangs out with friends against his will, I remember that Adolin is a Horse Girl, Mraize talks about the interplanetary economy, Teleporting Fucker is a Legendarily Sore Loser, I have high hopes for spren necromancy, and Kaladin asks Zahel for advice. 

We’re back to Kaladin, who is...not having a good time. He feels like he has to appear strong for Syl and the others, and not to let his problems affect them; he’s also hit hard by the feeling that Bridge Four is something that was in the past, not something that’s consistent and now. 

“Hey,” Leyten said as they reached the tower entrance. “Rock! Got any stew for us maybe? For old times’ sake?” Kalaidn turned. The word “stew” pierced the cloud.

Rock can’t, he’s busy, and Kaladin goes to his rooms--which are sparse and empty, even though he has pretty good accommodations--and tries to self-isolate, which...mood. He starts going into what seems like a panic attack (paralyzed, curling into the fetal position, thoughts spiralling to what Moash was talking about) when the door is near-literally kicked down by Adolin and Syl. 

(will i use this every time Adolin does things? probably) 

Adolin manages to drag Kaladin out of his room, in what is--honestly--a pretty good way to do it for someone who is depressed--he makes the point that Kaladin doesn’t have to be happy, he doesn’t have to pretend to be happy, but he should be miserable around other people. And he does it in just...a very Adolin way: 

“You spend too many evenings alone, bridgeboy,” Adolin said, glancing at the nearby exhaustionspren, then grabbing Kaladin by the arm--something few other people would have dared.  “I like being by myself,” Kaladin said.  “Great. Sounds awful. Today, you’re coming with me. No more excuses. I let you blow me away last week and the week before.” 

I love that “blow me away” is Roshar-slang for “blow me off” 

Kaladin tries to lash out and say maybe he just doesn’t like being around Adolin, Adolin dares him to say, with an oath, that he should be alone right now--and Kaladin can’t, because--of course--Kaladin shouldn’t be alone right now.

“Ha,” Adolin said, tugging him along by the arm. “Come on, Brightlord Master Highmarshal Stormface. Change your coat to one that doesn’t smell like smoke, then come with me. You don’t have to smile. You don’t have to talk. But if you’re going to be miserable, you might as well do it with friends.” 

This is so good. I think on some level when you self-isolate, what people want (or at least, what I want) is to have someone willing and able to drag you out of it despite the fact that you don’t want to be around people--and I’m so glad that Adolin is that person. 

Kaladin demands to know why Syl got Adolin of all people, despite that scene literally showing why Adolin was the perfect person to bring, and Syl responds that she needed someone Kaladin couldn’t intimidate...and, in the end, Kaladin ends up thanking her. 

And then we go to Adolin’s favorite bar, where Veil is waiting, where the gang just start hanging out--and Adolin and Veil start talking about trying to set Kaladin up with someone. This is about the moment where I crowed in victory, because while I didn’t see this specifically coming up, Adolin and Veil being drinking buddies who are a) overly-invested in Kaladin’s love life and b) end up talking about attractive people together IS something I called at the end of Oathbringer. Bi Disaster Drinking Club lives. 

(Casper, Adolin isn’t confirmed bi-- Listen. listen. give me this.) 

“Oh, don’t be sour,” Veil said, smacking [Kaladin] on the shoulder. “You didn’t even glance at her. She’s cute. Look at those legs. Back me up, Adolin.” 

I love all the Veil and Adolin banter we get here, because it only gets better--Veil asking for details of one of Adolin’s past relationships, Adolin trying to get out of it, Kaladin getting to enjoy time with his friends even when (maybe especially when) those friends are ridiculous. And then we also get another good moment of Adolin and Kaladin friendship when Veil goes off to gamble--Adolin asks Kaladin for advice for how to help Shallan with her own issues, but the advice Kaladin gives is also good advice for dealing with Kaladin, which Adolin knows and did on purpose. Kaladin asks why Adolin hasn’t become a Radiant yet, to which Adolin says that he’s not a good fit, he guesses--but the real reason, of course, is that Adolin refuses to give up Mayalaran. 

Listen--by not giving up Mayalaran, Adolin is proving himself the Edgedancer she deserves and I will die on this hill. 

And then things go back to being sad, because Rock is leaving--going back to his people to recieve judgement for breaking their rules by killing Amaram. He says he probably won’t be returning and hugs Kaladin, who gives him a few other members of Bridge Four as an escort--some of his kids, including Cord--the Shardbearer--stay in Urithiru. 

I deeply suspect this will not be the last we see of Rock, because there’s no way in hell, but it was both touching and really sad at the same time. 

We move back to Shallan the next morning, going through her day while Adolin is out horseriding; I can’t believe I nearly forgot Adolin is a Horse Girl, despite literally everything about Adolin being prime horse girl. Shallan gets a message about a spren coming to negotiate--probably one  of Sja-anat’s spren--and she visits her brothers as well, sketching by their fire. 

We get that she’s researched DID--or, the Rosharan understanding of DID--and the results haven’t been heartening, with people who have DID mostly being objectified and ridiculed. It also notes that memory loss is a common symptom, which Shallan notes she doesn’t really experience. 

Mraize shows up at her brothers’ house, both as a threat--his cover is an older soldier who is known to be clumsy and could, in theory, injure someone around him--and to talk to Shallan. We get more of the goals of the Ghostbloods--they’re trying to set up an Investiture trade across the Cosmere. Which is actually super smart--investiture is pretty easy to come by on Roshar, which is the entire reason Vasher/Zahel is there. I can see Nalthis in particular loving a way to sustain their gods that, uh, doesn’t involve sucking out souls. 

Mraize also basically confirms his mole is a lightweaver, which...I’m really hoping this isn’t the case, but I’m starting to suspect the mole is perhaps Formless, or a similar Alter of Shallan’s. She’s had some weird logic gaps that she doesn’t understand, and we just got the mention of alters maybe not able to remember what each other are doing. 

Now, I really hope that’s not the case, because that’s a tired old trope with DID--the evil alter ego. It’s really tired and awful for people who have DID, so I hope that’s not the twist here. 

Anyway, Mraize gives her her next job, which is going to find Restares--who is in the honorspren citadel of Lasting Integrity. Mraize says when she meets Restares, she’ll know what to do, and that once she completes that, she’ll get all the answers she could want from the Ghostbloods. 

We go back to Venli in Kholinar; a new group of Fused are here for bodies, and Leshwi is worried about one of them in particular--one of the fannahn-im, Those of Alteration. We meet the Nine, leaders of the Fused who are in pillars fused to the floor of their chamber, which Venli points out is just dooming the people whose bodies they took to a horrible form of entombment. 

Venli can feel Odium watching, which I responded to with “come on motherfucker, 1v1 me.” Listen, I would die, but what a way to go. 

The Teleporting Fucker--Lezian the Pursuer--is one of the Nex-im, Those of Husks, who are the Ninth Brand. He doesn’t defer to the Nine and claims Kaladin has to be Fourth Ideal because he “couldn’t be defeated by an ordinary human.” Which is hilarious, because he was. You were defeated by an ordinary human whose powers were blocked. Kaladin is just that good. 

Anyway, he claims he now has to go kill Kaladin because his whole deal is that he murders any human who kills him: 

“Milennia ago, Lezian was the first Fused to be killed by a human. To avoid the shame of such a death, upon returning to life, Lezian ignored all orders and rational arguments--and went into battle seeking only the man who had killed him.” 

So he’s a loose cannon who everyone goes along with because they can’t stop him and because he developed a legend around his stupid decisions? Got it. I’m really amused that this guy’s entire thing is just being Roshar’s Sorest Loser. Anyway, Leshwi disputes his claim and says that she has first dibs on killing Kaladin--Venli notes that Leshwi probably doesn’t even know that she’s trying to protect Kaladin. 

Guys, I can’t believe Fused war tactics operate on the dibs system. Also, this feels just like a continuation of my joke that everyone in this series has a type and that type is Kaladin. 

Anyway, then we meet the new lady who Leshwi is worried about--Raboniel, the Lady of Wishes. She was one of the Nine but stepped down to become more active; Leshwi talks about how she is a scientist without morals, whose plan the last Desolation was to release a plague that would affect Singers as well as humans and actually did, but fortunately didn’t have as great an effect as she hoped. So now biological warfare is coming onto the table. 

Raboniel pushes to seize Urithiru to strike against the humans; she created the anti-powers Fabrial and now wants to reverse the “Sibling’s heart” to nullify radiants in Urithiru, although she notes that Fourth Ideal ones could pull through--and she wants to experiment on the Sibling, who is effectively a deadeye. 

This is interesting, because we’ve already seen a deadeye start to respond to people--Mayalaran. Is spren necromancy going to get a day in the sun in this book? Please, please let spren necromancy through the power of friendship be a plot point. 

Anyway, Leshwi offers Venli to Raboniel as an aide, while wanting Venli to spy for her on Raboniel’s plans; Venli is happy about being on this strike, because she wants to see if she can find someone who can teach her how to be a Radiant. 

We also get this good note from Leshwi, which--to me--calls back the fact that there’s a whole narrative about if war can be honorable happening here: 

“Extinction is the natural escalation of this war,” Leshwi whispered. “If you forget why you are fighting, then victory itself becomes the goal. The longer we fight, the more detached we become. Both from our own minds, and from our original Passions.” She hummed softly to abashment.

We get back to Kaladin, who pushed through the worst of his depressive episode (although I would note that this could support the idea that something Odium-y is making it worse; now he’s in the Tower, it’s Regular Depression which he’s better at dealing with). Sigzil has now been put in charge of administration for the Windrunners; Kaladin tried to make it Teft but Teft was like absolutely not, fuck you for suggesting it. 

Kaladin goes to find Zahel, wanting to talk to him, and finds him doing laundry; on the way he talks to Rlain, who is overseeing people growing plants by gemlight and music, which is how the listeners used to do it. Rlain gets excited at the mention of an honorspren who will work with him, but when Kaladin explains the situation, he demurs--understandably. 

“I will wait for a spren who will bond me for who I am--and for the honor I represent.”

Rlain--in particular Rlain, who knows the experience of being forced into partnerships and jobs you don’t want--doesn’t want a spren who sees him as a burden or something that they don’t want to bond, and that’s completely valid of him. 

Anyway, Kaladin finds Zahel hanging up bright scarves in the laundry; Kaladin asks Zahel if he should join the martial ardents as a solution to what he should do next, noting that Zahel “couldn’t give up the sword.” 

“Oh, I gave it up. I let go. Best mistake I ever made.” 

YEAH, AND NOW YOUR SWORD SON IS TERRORIZING ROSHAR, VASHER. 

Well, not terrorizing. Mostly it’s just with Szeth, who is...somewhere around here, probably. Somewhere Zahel is avoiding at all costs bc Nightblood would take one look at him and just start yelling. 

Zahel spars with Kaladin, fully exploiting the colored cloth around them and his own style of fighting while talking to Kaladin about why he fights. In the end, he says he can’t sponsor Kaladin--because Kaladin still loves fighting too much for him to really be an ardent. Kaladin also notes that Zahel fights like Azure--Zahel irritably corrects that she fights like him. 

God I really want to see Azure and Zahel on the same page. Vasher you can’t run forever. 

There’s also a meta discussion; Zahel talks about the different levels of invested beings, and how he’s had to update it from the time in Warbreaker he did the same thing. He notes that for people like him: 

“We’re spren masquerading as men. That’s why she takes our memories. She knows we aren’t the actual people who died, but something else given a corpse to inhabit...” 

So that’s both interesting and rather somber; “she” in this case is of course Endowment. I’m not entirely sure what to make of this bit, other than that it’s sad and interesting in that it draws a comparison with the Fused, who do a similar thing but instead of taking the shape/personality of the corpse they’re inhabiting, kill it and replace it. 

Also, I’m not sure Zahel is right, here, because Lightsong did remember his past as the story went on, and did remember emotional connection to people from his past. So there might be more there than Zahel is giving it credit for. 

[springday-aus]

SVT’s Dino: Just Another Foodie Call

—

Fic Piece Written By: Admin Grandma of @springday-aus

Main Characters: Y/N [fem. reader] and Seventeen’s Dino [Lee Chan]

Other Characters: Seventeen members [Minghao, Seungkwan, Vernon], oddball dates [multi-group + multi-members: ATEEZ’s Hongjoong, GOT7′s Bambam, and NCT’s Jungwoo], and Yeri (Red Velvet)

Genre: romance, comedy, college!au, waiter!Chan

Type: one-shot writing piece

Word Count: approx. 6.5k

Plot Summary: first dates are always awkward, but not for you. In fact, you actually became a master of them. But, what are all of these dates for? Easy answer: free food. Now that you think about it, there’s only one other person who seems to know your real motives—Chan, a waiter from your favorite restaurant. 

“—so, the best time to buy stocks is once a pandemic hits.” 

“Hmmm…” You nod along, as your date continues to ramble on and on about business. You make an effort to maintain some eye contact, in order to seem as if you were engaged in the conversation. In reality, you were wondering how far along they were making your food. Usually, they would be platting at this moment, but it is a Saturday—meaning the dinner rush was just getting started. 

“At that time, they’re lower, therefore cheaper.”

You continue to hum, not really listening to what he says, but trying to seem attentive to his words. You try to remember: look a bit interested in conversation and that’s enough to keep a guy’s attention. You glance up at him, taking in how animated he is as he talks. 

But, then again, he seems to be able to maintain this conversation on his own. 

You find yourself thinking: what was his name again? You glance down to the table, where his unofficial business card lays. Ah, right—Hongjoong. He’s a year above you. Business major, obviously something you picked up from the conversation alone. On the bright side, you didn’t have to worry about when you ran into him in the future. 

Just as he’s diving in further about the importance of stocks and investments, the entree plates finally come out and are set in front of the both of you. You mouth a thank-you to the waiter, who gives you a polite smile in return. 

Hongjoong continues to talk. “Then, as things become back to normal, the rates start to go back up and you get more than what you originally paid for. The only issue is time and how long it—” 

Jesus, these noodles look so beautiful covered in the sauce. Only God knows what the hell is in it, but it’s delicious nevertheless. The toppings are equal in distribution and the garnish looks perfect, as if the peak of the flavor mountain in front of you. Yes. This. This is why you are here. 

For a moment, you think you could cry. You’ve been waiting all week for these noodles. You take a glance at Hongjoong, who continues to ramble on and on about... savings? Did he move on from the other thing? Or was it bonds? Honestly, you’d stopped paying attention after he started promoting about the benefits of a savings account to you. 

In your category of first dates, you’d put Hongjoong in the chatterbox section, which means you can catch a break from these weekly dates. Yeah, he’s boring, but he’s a super nice guy—from what you can tell, you know he’ll pay for the meal. You almost feel bad about using him. Almost. 

Lifting your fork, you twirl a good amount of the noodles and drown it further into the sauce on the plate. Yes, come to mama. You carefully lift the fork to your mouth, trying not to shove it into your mouth like some goddamned animal. Once that first bite hits, you almost melt on the spot. God, that really makes the wait worth it. 

The night continues on and Hongjoong, eventually, starts to eat—after he asks your opinion on how to survive an economic crisis. Frankly, you can’t remember much to what happened on the date so far. You must have tuned out more than you originally thought. But, then again, when do you ever remember what happens on these dates? Except for a special case, a guy named Cameron (aka, he who shall not be named), every other guy tends to be forgotten about. 

As normal, you clear your plate—it’s clean of your food and you sigh with content. Your cravings have been satisfied. You wait for Hongjoong to finish eating, chatting him up to give some type of entertainment for the dinner. You use as much small talk as you can, from the weather updates to the different types of food served here. 

Near the end of the meal, as he finishes his plate, you smile up at him as politely as you can. “Shall we get the check and head out?” 

He returns the smile with one of his own. “Yes, that sounds good. It’s—” He checks his watch. “—about 6:30, which means the traffic shouldn’t be as bad right now. I can accompany you back to your apartment.” 

He calls over the waiter, asking for the bill. Once it’s laid on the table, you slowly grab your purse and reach for your wallet, but you don’t really get a grip on your card to actually pay. 

“No need (Y/N),” he says. “I got it.” 

You give another smile, which seems more genuine than any other smile you’ve had tonight. Trying to hide your satisfaction, you furrow your eyebrows to feign concern. “Are you sure, Hongjoong?” 

“Of course,” he says. “Women can pay, but it doesn’t mean they should.” He lays his shiny card on the black tray. “Especially on a first date.” 

He gives another smile with his pearly whites and you have to hold back a smirk. 

Men are idiots. 

The sun shines particularly bright this morning. Now that you’re out, you regret making plans before noon. You open the door to the familiar campus cafe, retreating to your usual corner—where Minghao and Seungkwan are waiting for you. 

You take a seat in front of them, ungracefully throwing your bag onto the empty seat next to you. Without a word, you slowly place your head onto the table and into your arms. The two put a halt to their conversation, noting your negative aura. Seungkwan pushes the iced latte towards you—not close enough, in fear of you knocking it over. 

Minghao takes an unnecessarily long sip of his iced americano before speaking. “So, how’d the Saturday night date go?” he asks. 

Seungkwan nods along and uses his spoon to cut a part of his strawberry cake. “Oh yeah, what was he like? Did you have fun?” 

You lift your head and lean against your chair, feeling a migraine start to form from the subject alone. “He was fine. He was just… more boring than I anticipated.” 

“So, no second date?” Minghao asks. 

“Most likely.” 

“Dude,” Seungkwan says. “When has there ever been a second date for (Y/N)?” He sets down the spoon on his plate—looking at you now. “How many dates have you been on now?” 

“Enough.” You take a sip of your coffee. “Stop calling me out like this. Y’all are lucky I came.” 

Seungkwan scoffs at your statement, going back into his cake. 

“We knew you would be easily lured out by free coffee,” Minghao says. He shakes his head, not even trying to hide his disappointment. 

“Stop looking at me like that.” 

“Like what?” 

“That judgey face—the situation is just..” You purse your lips and try to find your words, but end up lost in another train of thought. “Just, shut up.” 

You grumble into your cup, more to yourself than them. “You just don’t understand the situation.” 

They both raise an eyebrow at you. “Then make us understand,” Minghao says. He takes another long sip of his drink. 

“Listen, in this patriarchal society, I am put at a disadvantage.” 

“And this is related... How?” Seungkwan asks. 

“I’m a broke college girl, who’s not unattractive,” you say. “What’s wrong with using it a little?” 

“You know,” Seungkwan says. “There is a term for it. Instead of a booty call, it’s known as a foodie call.”

“Hm,” you say. “I like that.” 

“Foodie calls over booty calls,” Minghao says. “Classy.” 

“That’s the goal.” 

“So, who’s your next date with?” Seungkwan asks. 

You shrug, taking another sip of your coffee. “Right now, I’m still looking. We’ll just have to see.” You pull out your phone, scrolling through your messages. “Most of them are upperclassmen who don’t know what they’re getting into.” 

“Update us on that,” Minghao says. “Because we need to know the poor chump your sapping money out of.” 

“Hey!” You cross your arms. “Stop making me seem like a gold-digger. It’s just dinner, not a Gucci purse.” 

“Do you want a Gucci purse?” Seungkwan asks. 

You shrug. “I mean if it comes with the dinner, I’m not complaining.” 

“Is that technically gold-digging?” 

“I don’t think so…” 

You originally started this whole operation because of your favorite noodle dish at your favorite restaurant: Asianly Classics. There was only one problem—you couldn’t afford the dish every week. It’s not because it’s an extremely upscale place; it’s just because the business is local it means the menu is kind of… pricey. It doesn’t help either that it’s located in the city, meaning the prices are constantly rising. 

The first time you did it, it was unintentional. Your friend had been set up on a blind date and she couldn’t make it due to a prior engagement. So, she asked you for a favor and you went in her place. You weren’t sure of other places to go to, which led to you meeting him at Asianly Classics. He was super polite about the whole situation, especially since he insisted on paying for your meal because of the ‘inconvenience’ the date might have been—leading to your wonderful idea of the foodie calls. 

Deep down somewhere, you know it’s wrong to exploit these simple college boys. But, it’s hard not to because they’re... simple, college boys with two brain cells that are dying from classes and with reality hitting them hard. It’s just easier this way. 

It’s not like you’re a sugar baby (no disrespect to those women who are really stepping up their game though) or a booty call (no disrespect to the women who are having healthy, safe sex), so why were the guys making a big deal out of it? 

You break from your thoughts. “Even if I was a gold-digger, that’s none of your business.” 

Seungkwan playfully rolls his eyes at your words, then pulls out his laptop and opens it. “Well, speaking of business… We do have to work on our presentation for Intro to Investments 101.” 

You throw your head back, releasing an unladylike groan. Eventually, you sit back up and begrudgingly pull out your laptop. 

Minghao sits up, stretching his arms with his fingers interlocked. “I brought the notecards and pens. We can figure out who presents what once we sort it all out.” He sets out the materials on the table, opening a pen cap, and testing them out on a new notecard. 

“Curse uni for making this a required course,” Seungkwan whines. “I haven’t even been paying attention.” 

“When do you ever pay attention?” Minghao asks. 

“Don’t worry,” you say. You tap your temple twice, before pointing it back to them, as if to share your only brain cells left with them. “Saturday’s date taught me enough to compensate for our lack of attention span. That’s gotta count for something.” 

Minghao laughs. “I guess we’ll just have to see exactly how useful that information can be.” 

Another Saturday has rolled around and you sit at Asianly Classics once again. But, this time, you sit in front of a different date. Bambam sits with a leg crossing the other, as he talks animatedly about some party from last night. You can only smile at him, nodding along every once in a while to make it look as if you were paying any attention. 

“—it was so crazy! Jackson needs to stop making those crazy drinks because mixology is not a strength of his.” 

You let out a fake giggle and you prop your chin onto your hands, batting your eyelashes. “So what would be considered his strength?” 

“Anyone who knows him would say friendliness or something.” He takes a sip of his water. “But, what they don’t know is that he’s on the way to the Olympics for fencing. That reminds of this one time, where he….” 

As he starts up another story, you start to tune out once more. You will admit that this one is more entertaining than the last one. You’d trade fun college stories than financial tips any day—no offense to that other guy though. Bambam is a year older than that other guy, but by the way he’s talking, it’s hard to tell. 

Bambam continues to talk—meanwhile, you continue to nod along to his words, smiling and laughing when appropriate. 

“... that’s when he fell! One little poke and he just falls into the pool! Some athlete—he can’t even keep his balance! Phew, he’s a real funny guy.” 

You let out another fake laugh, glancing back towards the kitchen door. How long has it been since you ordered your food? 

Leaning back into your seat, you adjust your purse from behind you. You needed a breather from this one. You could feel your energy getting sapped from him. “Excuse me for a moment,” you say as you stand up. “I need to use the bathroom for just a second.” 

“Oh, of course,” he says. He sits himself up, uncrossing his legs as if he suddenly remembered he was in a public space and not some fraternity house. “Go ahead, take your time.” 

“Thanks,” you say with a smile. “I’ll be back soon.” You stand up, taking your bag with you. Your feet automatically take you down a familiar hallway where the bathrooms are located. Just as you are approaching the doors, you see a shadow of a figure—who addresses you before you fully acknowledged his presence. 

“Just where are you running off to?” 

Just outside the men’s bathroom, Chan leans against the wall with his phone in hand. He looks at you with a teasing smile and you can’t resist mirroring it. 

You click your tongue as you approach him. “And here I was, just wondering where my favorite waiter was.” You move yourself next to him, close enough to nudge his shoulder with your own. “I didn’t see you last week.” 

He chuckles. “I was here last weekend, same time” he says. “And the weekend before that, and the weekend before that. That’s kind of how jobs work. Just because you didn’t see me, doesn’t mean I wasn’t there.” 

“Ah, really?” you tease. “I had absolutely no idea.” You both stand there in silence for a second, before he speaks up again. 

“So, how’s the date going?” Chan asks. “Is he as bad as last week’s?” 

“Actually, he’s not that bad.” 

“Oh?” 

“He’s not as boring as the last one. That’s all I’m going to say.”

“I don’t think that it’s that hard considering what I overheard from last time—something about investing your stocks.” He tilts his head to the side with a playful glint in his eyes. “Are you investing in your stocks, (Y/N)?” 

You let out a little laugh. “I swear. Chan, you make these dates a little less worse.” 

“Thanks,” he says, flashing a smile at you. “You better get back out there before he thinks you crawled out the bathroom window.” 

“Psh, I would never.” 

He gives you a look, which you playfully roll your eyes to. You push yourself off from the wall and start to make your way back to your table. Chan turns his attention back to his phone. Without looking up, he waves as you start to leave. “Bye~” 

“I get the hint,” you say with a groan. You turn back to him. “And please let Paul know I would really like more sauce with my noodles?” 

He gives you a thumbs up. “As always.” 

“Thank youuuu.” You manage to move yourself away from the hallway and back to the dining area, where your date awaits. 

You give him a polite smile as you take back your seat. Ah, no food yet. “Sorry, if you waited long.” 

“Psh.” He waves off your comment. “I didn’t wait long. I hope you don’t mind though, I ordered some dessert while you were gone.” 

“I don’t mind dessert,” you say. You curl a piece of hair behind your ear. “Are we sharing it?” 

His mouth curves into an o-shape, realizing your concern. “Oh, we can share if you would like,” he says. “And don’t worry about the bill—since I ordered more, I’ll cover it.” 

You have to hide your smile. “Are you sure?” 

“Yeah.” He pushes his rose-lens shades up and you have to resist rolling your eyes at his insistence of keeping them on while indoors. “It’s not fair to split it.” He gently takes your hand on the table. “It’s okay, (Y/N). Don’t worry about it—Oppa’s got the tab.” 

Oh, God, he used the o-word. You bite down your tongue and save the words for later. 

Looking away from him, you glance towards the other section of the restaurant, where Chan is serving a different table their food. He bows his head as you see him mouth ‘enjoy your meal.’ He makes eye contact with you, mouthing the question: ‘is he paying?’ You give him a discrete thumbs up underneath your table. 

Your attention is taken away from him, as your waiter comes over to set your food on the table. It looks just as beautiful as last week’s. Only this time, Paul had added some extra sauce, which drowned the noodles. You could cry from the beauty of this plate. 

“Your dessert will be served later,” your waitress says. “Thank you for your patience.” 

“Thank you,” you both say. 

Bambam immediately digs in. On the other hand, you look up to find Chan—where he’s already smiling at you. 

“How’d your date go?” Yeri asks. With a bit of skip in her step, her bookbag bounces along with her footsteps. 

You hug your textbooks closer to your chest and you reply with a bit of an exasperated sigh. “God, he was one more the more interesting ones.” 

“Who was it?” 

“That upperclassman named Bambam.” 

“I heard he’s a wild card.” 

“He is a wild card. The entire night he was just telling me all these wild stories about his friends, his parties and all that other crap. While he was more interesting than Hongjoong, I was so tired by the time our entrees got to the table.” 

Yeri sucks in a breath. “Sucks to suck, bro. You wanted to go on all these dates, so you have to face consequences of that choice.” 

You can’t say anything else because she’s right. You don’t really need to go on these dates, but if that means free food, why should you complain? 

The both of you continue your walk to the library, taking in the fresh air and atmosphere. You’d forgotten how big the campus is—or at least how long it takes to get from the dorms to the library center. Originally you had just met Yeri for lunch, but the both of you were invited to an impromptu study session with some others in your class and decided to walk there together. 

“On the bright side,” you say. “I saw Chan.” 

“Chan?” Her eyes narrow at you. “Isn’t that the waiter who likes you?” 

“No,” you say with a huff. “We’re just friends—acquaintances at least.” 

“Can you guys hurry the process because I made a bet with Doyeon you’d get together in, at least, a month.” 

“Yeri, you are such a dedicated friend.” 

She perks up, ignoring the sarcasm. “Why, thank you, (Y/N).”

You can only roll your eyes at her, but her smile only widens. 

“But seriously,” Yeri says. “You go on all these dates, complain about the guys, and yet, you talk more about Chan than you do about any of those other guys.” 

“Dude, I don’t even have his number. If we see one another, we talk and that’s it. I highly doubt it would go anywhere else.” 

“I’m just surprised that you two have been doing this dance for nearly four months and yet… nothing.” 

“You know, men and women can just be friends, right?” 

“Yeah, but you two are a different case,” Yeri says. “Considering how often you mention him. I haven’t even met him and that says something because I’ve met all of your friends.” 

“You haven’t met him because I literally don’t have his number. We just run into each other—we don’t plan anything.” 

“Well, I think there’s something.” 

“You always think there’s something.” 

“No, I—” 

“(Y/N)?” 

You and Yeri turn to see Chan, along with his friend, who holds a skateboard in one hand. You all stand near the entrance of the library; you two were going in and they were just leaving. 

Yeri’s clearly confused, but puts two and two together when your eyes light up. 

“Hey!” You step a bit closer to him, taking a look at his outfit. “I almost couldn’t spot you for a second. I’m so used to the uniform.” 

“Yeah, I am a bit more casual today, in case you haven’t been able to tell.” 

“Hmm,” you hum along with a teasing smile. “Were you going for broke student chic?” 

“Always.” He mirrors your smile with one of his own. You both stand there for a bit in your own bubble—with you ignoring Yeri’s smug look and Chan ignoring Hansol’s look of disappointment. 

“Oh, speaking of being broke,” you say. “You working this weekend?” 

“As always. You have another date on Saturday?” 

“As always.” 

“Who’s the poor sucker this time?” 

You roll your eyes at his words. “Maybe you’ll get to meet him this time. He’s really nice so we’ll see how it goes.” 

Chan lets out a small laugh, nodding along. “Alright, I got some plans so I’ll see you Saturday?” 

“I’ll be there.” 

“Bye.” 

“Bye.” You give him a little wave with your fingers as you step back next to Yeri. You head into the library, shushing Yeri and her little jabs about Chan.

Meanwhile, Hansol steps next to Chan, coming into his peripheral vision. He doesn’t say anything; he just shakes his head and clicks his tongue. 

“What, Hansol?” Chan asks. “Why are you looking at me like that?” 

Hansol sighs heavily, rubbing his temples. “You’re so whipped and you don’t even know it. I’m so sad for you.” He puts a hand on Chan’s shoulder. “Ignorance is bliss, my friend.” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“Nothing, nothing.” 

Chan gives him a look, before hesitantly speaking further. “It’s not like that, you know.” 

“Hmm, I’m sure it isn’t.” Hansol flashes a fake smile. “Now, now—let’s get to the dance studio. We still have to meet the others there.” 

“Okay, weirdo.” 

Saturday rolls around earlier than you had originally thought. You’d almost forgotten about the date until you had received Jungwoo’s text a couple of hours before. That text gave you enough time to quickly sort out and arrange your outfit (with the help of your roommate). So, by the time he shows up at your door, you easily manage to follow suit and head to the restaurant. 

Compared to the other dates you’ve had, you haven’t had one as polite as Jungwoo. He asks about you, along with your interests, when you ask about him. He opens doors for you and he even covered your head when you got in the car. You haven’t even been on the actual date yet, but you’re already having a great time. 

Right now, he drives down the familiar road to Asianly Classics. You both agreed on a radio station, which plays a soft melody to go along with the evening mood. He continues to ask you about this and that, the conversation flowing between you. 

You hadn’t even noticed you had already arrived. After he successfully parks, you both head out of the car and towards the main entrance. Jungwoo eyes the place, taking in the atmosphere and aroma. 

“I haven’t been here,” Jungwoo says. “Is the food good?” 

You give him a smile. “I recommend this place to everyone. Trust me, it’s great.” 

The both of you head inside, stopping at the podium. The host arrives and grabs two menus. “Table for two?” 

Jungwoo smiles at her. “Yes, thank you.” 

The both of you follow her through the restaurant and are seated into a comfortable booth in the corner. Jungwoo opens the menu and starts browsing, while you immediately open to the noodles page—already prepared as to what you were going to order. 

“Everything here looks good,” he says. “Is it wrong to order two appetizers, an entree and a dessert?” He asks with a playful glint in his eye. 

You let out a small laugh. “It would be worth it, trust me.” 

“Don’t worry,” he says. “I wouldn’t make you pay for all of that.” 

“Aha, well, thanks.” 

“Good evening, I’m Chan and I’ll be your server for this evening.” 

You look up from Jungwoo, from hearing Chan’s voice. Your jaw drops at his change of demeanor, hiding it behind the menu and away from Jungwoo’s eyes. He raises an eyebrow at you in response, dropping it once Jungwoo’s attention is on him. 

“Are there any appetizers you would like to order?” Chan asks. 

“Not at the moment,” Jungwoo says with a smile. “Unless I could be convinced?” He looks up from the menu to look at you. 

“I think I’m good,” you say. “But, if you want a recommendation, I would say the papaya salad is worth it.” 

“Another choice is the crab rangoon,” Chan says. “The chef uses her own secret recipe for the filling and it’s amazing.” 

“He’s right,” you say. You look from Chan to Jungwoo. “It is amazing.” 

“Well, damn,” Jungwoo says. He sets the menu down and looks at you once more. “I am convinced and will order the crab rangoon, along with the kimchi stew for my entree.” 

“Crab rangoon and kimchi stew,” Chan mutters as he writes. You have to stifle your giggles from his concentration on the pen and pad. When he looks up, your lips pressed together, holding back a smile. “The usual for you?” 

You nod. “Thank you, Chan.” 

“Please let me know if you need anything else,” Chan says with a smile. 

“Thank you.” 

“Thank you.” 

He takes your menus and gives you both another smile. With that, he walks back to the back to give your orders to the chef. Your eyes linger on his figure. He turns back once more and you give him another smile, before he turns away again. 

“So, you’re a regular here?” Jungwoo asks. 

Your attention focuses back on him. “Yeah, I come here often.” 

“I can tell,” Jungwoo says with a chuckle. “You two are close?” 

“Close enough,” you say. “You know, Chan goes to our university too.” 

“Really?” Jungwoo pokes his head up and tries to find Chan. “I thought he looked familiar.” 

“Yeah, he’s a dance major.” 

Jungwoo smiles, but there’s something about it that makes you tilt your head. “You seem to know a lot about him to just ‘come here often.’”

“Well, we do run into each other a lot at the library.” You try to think how often you talk to Chan. “And the dining halls.” Your head tilts. “And the university gym... I see him a lot more than I originally thought.” 

“Interesting, isn’t it?” Jungwoo asks. 

“Interesting how?” 

“Interesting how we start to pay attention to things when others point them out,” he says. He takes a sip of his water before speaking up once more. “Do what you will with that information.” 

“Exactly what do you think I should be doing with that information?” 

“Something that will get you done with all these fake dates and on one that you’d actually enjoy.” 

“I’m enjoying this date though,” you say. “Are you not enjoying this date?” 

“No, I’m enjoying it,” he says. “But I just want you to know, you should pay a bit more attention to those around you.” 

“What’d you mean?” 

“Just…” He shrugs, struggling to find the words. 

“Please don’t beat around the bush,” you say. 

“Okay, okay,” he says. “I just think you should be spending time on these dates with someone who you want to go on dates with…” 

“Like who?” 

His eyebrows raise at you and his head is tilting towards the direction of Chan, where he’s currently serving another table. 

You sigh, leaning your chin in your hand. “Why does everyone keep saying that? We’re… acquaintances, barely even friends.” 

“Really?” he asks. He crosses his arms. “You looked more excited to see him than you did me like twenty minutes ago.” 

You were already sick of Yeri talking about it and now, someone you’re on a date with? While you know your relationship with Chan is…. different, it really is just an acquaintanceship (if that’s even a thing). You literally don’t have his number, which means no plans are made—ultimately ruling friendship. On the other hand, you do appreciate the time you get with him, whenever you do run into him. Now that you think about it, your friends do make those weird faces (which you mostly ignore) whenever you talk to, or about, him. 

“... Did I?” 

He nods. “Look, (Y/N),” he says, leaning on the table. “It’s not my business, but... I wouldn’t mind getting my food to-go to, say, walk my dog.” He gives you a gentle smile, resting his hand on yours, as if for assurance. “Just say the word and I’ll go on a nightly walk with Obok; it’s up to you.” 

Your lips press, thinking for a bit. It’s rude to just ask Jungwoo to leave, so you could hang out with someone else. On the other hand…. 

Your eyes move away from Jungwoo’s and focus on Chan, who’s a couple of tables behind him. His eyes are in little crescents, as he laughs from a joke his co-worker makes. His nose is scrunched up and his decorative glasses are just on the edge of his nose. While his hair is slightly messy, his waiter uniform is nice and orderly, showcasing his legs and fit waist. 

Looking back to Jungwoo, you give him a smile, lightly squeezing his hand. You couldn’t think of anything else to say, so you say the only thing that comes to mind. “Thanks, Jungwoo.” 

He taps the table and gives you another smile. Wordlessly, he stands up and gives you (what he believes is) a discreet thumbs up. He walks towards the counter and chats with the host there, probably asking for his meal to be boxed. On the other hand, Chan gets back to your table once your date has left. 

“What happened to him?” Chan asks with a pout. “He was cool.” 

You innocently shrug your shoulders. “He said he has to walk his dog, so…” 

“Sorry about your date.” He gives a half smile, as he sits down at the empty seat in front of you. “At least he’s still paying.” 

You stifle a laugh. “I feel kind of bad.” You pause, glancing at Jungwoo’s back. “He’s been really nice to me and I was actually having a good time.” 

“Well,” Chan says. “I’m assuming you still want your food?” 

“Of course,” you say. “I’m not going to decline free food.” 

He can’t hold back his smile, shaking his head along with it. “Why would I think so otherwise?” He gets up. “Don’t worry, it’s gonna be out soon.” 

You give him another smile and he walks off to check on your meal. On the other hand, Jungwoo walks out with a paper bag in one hand and waves you goodbye with the other. 

You think about what Jungwoo’s said… maybe you should just ask Chan out and see how things go. Honestly, there isn’t much for you to lose—considering that you don’t share classes or friends. 

As you were mentally trying to weigh your pros and cons, your thoughts are interrupted as your plate is set in front of you. Your head snaps towards Chan, who looks down at you with a soft smile. 

“Enjoy your meal, (Y/N).” 

“Thanks.” 

Just as he turns away, you grab onto his wrist. He turns back. 

“Something wrong?”

“Uh.” You blink, not fully processing what you’d just done. “Sorry.” You let go of his arm. “That was kind of aggressive.” 

He only smiles. “You’re okay. Did you need something else?” 

You let out an awkward chuckle. “Um, when do you get off tonight?” 

“You’re lucky,” he says. “I get off around 7:30.” He gives you a questionable look. “Why?” 

“You wanna hang out after your shift?” 

There’s a light blush on his cheeks and he clears his throat. “Um, sure, if you want to.”

“I’m not trying to pressure you or anything,” you say. “I just thought we could spend some time together…” 

He gives a smile that gets bigger and bigger with each second, which you can’t help but to mirror. “Yeah, no. I, uh—I’d like that.” 

“Okay.” Your smile grows. “Just let me know, okay?” 

“Okay, and don’t worry,” he says. “I’ll pay, especially since I know how much you love men paying for you.” 

“Oh my god, shut up. Just because a couple of guys pay for dinner—” 

“Uh-huh, a couple. Maybe a couple dozen.” 

You close your eyes, trying to manage your breathing. You lean on the table, glancing up at him. “Chan, you’re lucky I like you.” 

Chan smiles before turning back around, unable to stop the butterflies fluttering in his stomach.

“This place is so cool,” you say. You spin a bit in your stool, but manage to maintain eye contact with Chan. “How’d you know about this place?” 

“I used to work here during high school,” he says, fiddling with his fingers. “It was really fun because it was literally just high schoolers and college kids. Our boss was the only ‘mature adult’ and she didn’t come around often.” 

You hum, taking in the old ice cream parlor. It’s designed to look like a diner—almost like Oberweis. A checkered pattern of red and white squares and triangles filled the top half of the walls, which your eyes couldn’t help but to follow around. The corners of the ice cream shop have some faux marble decorations on little white shelves, along with the lining of the walls, making it a bit more old-fashioned.

The burgundy colored booths are placed along the walls, which seated families, couples, and friends. Meanwhile, the larger space is occupied with small, round, white tables with red chairs, on top of a black and white checkered floor. You and Chan sit on stools that are placed along the countertop, waiting for your orders to arrive. 

He’s still in his uniform, but the top few buttons are unbuttoned (which you may or may not have stared at as he did it) and his bowtie is completely undone, laying on his shoulders. He keeps his glasses on, even though he told you they’re for decorative purposes. 

“I heard that working at an ice cream shop is good for your arms,” you say. 

“Yeah,” he says. “Good for your arms, but bad for your wrists and your stomach.” 

“Stomach?” 

“You have no idea how much ice cream I ate that year.” 

You laugh at the look Chan gives you and he smiles. 

“It’s all fun and games until you’ve gained like ten pounds,” he adds. 

“I think it’d be fun to work in an ice cream shop,” you say. “Obviously, food service is horrible in general, but… it must be fun to work with such people of similar age.” 

“Customers for food service are always a pain in the ass,” Chan says. “That’s universal.” 

At that time, your server arrives and places your orders down. The both of you thank him. You silently raise your ice cream and he raises his, lightly tapping against yours. 

“Cheers,” he says. 

“Cheers.” 

For a moment, it’s quiet between the two of you. You both eat your ice cream, taking in the lively atmosphere. 

“You know,” you say. “I think this is the first time we’ve officially hung out together.” 

“I think you’re right,” Chan says with a laugh. “I would’ve remembered if we did.” 

“You would’ve?” 

“Yeah,” he says softly. “You know, you’re kind of unforgettable.” 

Your smile grows. “Really?” 

“Yeah.” He exhales, blowing up towards his bangs a bit. For a moment, he hesitates on speaking—biting his lower lip. Your gaze fixates on that a bit longer than you’d like to admit. “If you don’t mind, I want to ask you something.” 

“Shoot.” 

“What—what happened tonight?” He explains, when your head tilts at the question. “Like, what chased your date away and led you to me?” 

You let out a small laugh. “First of all, I love the choice of words.” 

“You know what I mean though.” 

“Second of all, I didn’t ‘chase him away’ because he chose to leave on his own.” You fiddle with your spoon, splitting your ice cream repeatedly. “We were having a nice conversation.”

“And?” 

“I don’t know. We were just talking and he said…” You sigh. “He implied that I needed a push in the right direction to do the things I wanted to do.” 

“The right direction of what?” 

Your eyes shift and you fully focus on your, now melting, ice cream. “Just… where I should be spending time and who I choose to spend it with.”

Chan gets quiet. “And that’s me?” 

“Yeah,” you manage to say. 

It’s barely above a whisper and, yet, Chan still managed to hear it. He clears his throat, trying to ignore the blood rushing to his cheeks. He doesn’t hide his smile, even when he looks at you. 

“I guess I could say now…” he starts to say. “I liked being behind the scenes for your dates, but.. I didn’t really like the guys you were with.” 

“Chan.” You place your hand on his. “They weren’t awful.” 

“I know,” he says. “It’s just that they could have been so much better.” He pauses. “I do like that Jungwoo guy though. He’s pretty cool.” 

You laugh at that. “Well, I wouldn’t be here if he didn’t give me the push, so… yeah, he’s pretty cool.” You pause. “I’m still surprised though.” 

“Surprised about what?” 

“Surprised that you’re okay with me and… manipulating men into buying me dinner.” 

“The thing is,” he says. “Is that I know you’re not inherently bad.” 

“How do you know that?” 

“Because.” He tucks a stand of hair behind your ear. “From what I’ve seen behind the facade, you aren’t different, just—you’re just more quiet.” He corrects himself. “Not that you’re loud or anything, just—just that the guys you’re with don’t really get to know you and that’s… that’s not what a date is supposed to be like.”

“What is a date supposed to be like then?” 

“Hopefully,” he says. “I can take you on a better one next time?” 

“Yeah,” you say, interlocking your fingers with his. “I’d be up for that.” 

[britishboystm]

For You- Matt *Blinded By The Light (SMUT)

Warnings: Smut, Swearing, Ngl there is a bit of cliche cringe in here so beware👀, super fucking long wtf

A/N: Ok, ok. This one is hella long. Thanks to @blueeyedheizer for the inspo, hope you like it love:)

—-

“I’m telling you Y/N, he speaks to our generation. People like us who want to get out of Luton and see the world!”

“That’s great Javed.” The conversation that was happening while you and Javed walked home from college was less than exciting to you. He seemed super invested however, so you tried your best to let him rave about his new found obsession with Bruce Springsteen, some bloke from America that your dad listens to when fixing the car in the garage. You were more of a Cyndi Lauper and Madonna type.

You felt quite bad for Javed. No one really gave the poor lad the time of day. Not his dad, not the people at the college and most definitely not the community you guys lived in so you were his go to person. You had always been his confidant since you were kids.

Then there was Matt. The third of the trio. He took care of Javed. He was Javed’s protector against bullies in school. He himself was an eccentric personality. Very different from you and Javed. He loved girls, parties and synths. Once school was done, he had no desire to continue through to college. He was out of there.

But he finished the friendship puzzle and you relied on him as much as Javed did and vice versa.

It seemed like hours of him rambling and you tuning him out until you finally reached your neighbourhood. You, Javed and Matt all lived in the same cul de sac. It was where the three of you became best friends, then you were all enrolled into the same primary school down the road not long after. You guys became inseparable after that.

Everything was quite pleasant until you caught a glimpse of Matt. There he was, standing in all of his glory, sucking face with his latest fling, one you had not met yet. The image made your stomach churn and Javed noticed right away.

“Y/N, I really think you should tell him.”

“Tell him what?” Your eyes were glued to the car crash happening in front of you. See, you had developed feelings for Matt back in grade school, keeping it a secret to this day. The only person who knew was Javed.

He sighed and patted your back before walking towards the two love birds. The kissing was finally coming to an end and Matt pried himself off of her to notice the two of you.

“Javed, Y/N you muppets! ” His play thing grabbed onto his arm while he met you two half way.

“Hey Matt, how was Ibiza?” Javed asks reluctantly. Matt chuckles slightly, looking over proudly at his new arm candy. A look you had longed to receive from him one day.

“Met Emma over there, she lives nearby actually. It worked out brilliantly.”

You pretend to look happy.

“That sounds amazing Matt. Um, actually I’m going to have to run. My mum needs me home for dinner soon.”

“Leaving so soon?” Matt asked, soundly legitimately disappointed.

“I’ve been gone for weeks and this is all I get from you?” He pries a little further.

“Well some people actually have lives out of shagging girls and playing bar gigs so yeah I’ve got to go.” You didn’t mean to sound so harsh but seeing this Emma girl had your blood boiling. She seemed lovely and deserved no harsh feelings so you felt it best to walk away from the situation which would probably just get out of hand.

“Y/N what’s all this about?” Matt says, hurt evident in his eyes. You sighed deeply trying to contain yourself.

“Nothing, sorry. I’m just super knackered. I’ll catch up with you guys later okay?” You didn’t wait for a response, hoisting yourself on your bike that you had walked home and rolled over to your front door, not as much as a look back and wave.

You were hoping that the day would come when Matt would bring home a girl and it didn’t bother you. But it was just getting worse. After closing the front door, you leaned against it trying to calm yourself before running up to your room to wallow alone.

---

Later that night you laid awake staring at your ceiling. The events from the afternoon had you in a frenzy. He really shouldn’t be affecting you like this, and yet here you were lying awake at the wee hours of the morning. It also didn’t help that there was light streaming into your bedroom window from Matt’s room.

You guys lived right next door to one another and your room windows faced each other, so most nights you would stay up and talk for hours on end from the windows edge.  

You stood up, groaning. It was probably the same situation you had faced so many times before. Because Matt was in a band, there were many nights where he would leave his desk lamp on to work on melodies and lyrics. The light would keep you up, which you absolutely hated but you would never say anything. 

Music was his life and you weren’t going to be the one to get in the way of that. With all the anger you were feeling though, tonight seemed easier to call him out on his bullshit. You approached your window and stood in front of it. But nothing could prepare you for what you would just witness. Straight ahead, stood Matt and Emma in very little clothing. Him in nothing but boxers and her in a matching set of red lace undies and bra. His hands were roaming her waist and landed on her perfect butt. 

You couldn't help but feel self conscious. She had such a bangin body, nothing you thought you could compare too. Without hesitation you shut your blinds, not wanting to subject yourself to that anymore. You shakily laid back in bed and just started sobbing. The image of his lips attached to her neck as he loved every inch of her body made you weep. It had probably been all of the pent up emotions you were feeling. This was your first ever heart break.

 ---

“Y/N! You need to eat before you head to work.” You tossed the sheets off of your body and huffed. The last thing you needed was a long shift at the mall jewelry store. The required outfit all employees had to wear laid in a heap in the corner of your room which you trudged over to and put on.Once you were ready you headed downstairs where your mom was organizing breakfast and your younger brother devoured his cereal.

“Matt dropped by not that long ago.”

 “Oh yeah? What did he want?” You focused on pouring a cup of coffee for yourself while asking.

“Don’t know. Just said he needed to talk to you.” You turned around to look at your mom and sighed.

“I’m actually not really speaking to him at the moment.” Taking a sip of your liquid energy. 

“Why? What happened?”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m going to be late so I’ll see ya” You grabbed an apple and gave your mom a kiss on the cheek before running out the door

“Bye love!” You were already gone.

Your trusty bike always stayed locked up at the side of the house so you walked over to go grab it before heading to work.

“Y/N!”

Oh god. Whatever was about to happen, you weren’t in the mood. You turned around to see Matt running down his front yard in nothing but an open button up and pants.

She probably stayed the night, you thought.

You gripped onto your bike harder. Hopefully this won’t take long.

“Y/N, wait I have to talk to you.” He tried to catch his breath.

“What Matt?” Your tone was pointed.

“What’s going on with ya? You were acting all strange yesterday. Did I do something?” He stood there defeated. He had no clue what he had done to piss off the most important girl in his life. His best friend.

You groaned and threw your head back.

“Nothing really. I’m sorry I was being a bitch yesterday but I’ve just been under a lot of stress with school.”

Lies. You were at the top of all your classes.

“So are we good?” He asks, eyes hopeful.

“Always Matt.” You gave a smile. But the hurt was still there. His face lights up and he embraces you into a tight hug.

“Ugh Matt, you need to shower mate. You smell like sweat and regret.”

“Aww, you love it. Don’t pretend my manly musk doesn’t turn you on.” He gives you a wink. He of course was playing around. Why wouldn’t he be? You were his best friend. You couldn’t help but have your breath catch in your throat when he winked at you though.

You pretended to be amused.

“Hah hah Matt, very charming. Anyways I’m off to work so…” The laughs being overly sarcastic.

“Oh actually I wanted to ask you one more thing.” You couldn’t help but feel an excitement bubble in your stomach.

“Yeah?” You ask, eyes sparkling

“I need your help with Javed’s birthday.” Tonight Matt was going to throw a surprise party for Javed.

“Oh.” You were slightly disappointed. You didn’t know what you wanted him to say but it definitely wasn’t that.

“You know how I always want him to come to my parties but it’s impossible to get him there?”

“Yeah?”

“Well his parents trust you more than me by a long shot so I need you to pick him up and tell them your taking him to the library or some stupid shit like that.”

“Javed doesn’t know right?” You ask.

“Yeah, and it has to stay that way okay? Alright thanks love. I appreciate it.”

He comes in for one more hug and a kiss on the head.

“No worries Matt. See you tonight.”

He waves and starts walking back towards his house. Emma is waiting in nothing but one of his shirts (your favourite shirt of his nonetheless) in the doorway, watching the exchange go down.

You sigh and mount your bike, heading to work.

—-

That night you dressed up a tad bit. Of course it would raise suspicion if you showed up to Javed’s front door with what you had on so you snuck into your parents room and grabbed one of your dad’s old trench coats.

You let out a nervous puff of air as you sneaked past the living room where your mom was passed out in front of the tv. East Enders playing loudly on the screen. Your 5 year old brother laid on top of her asleep as well. It was pretty cute but there was no time to waste so you quietly snuck out.

The air was slightly nippy from the April weather. But you knew Javed’s house was just across the road so you didn’t mind.

You knocked on the door, hoping Javed would answer so it would be a quick exchange before getting him out of the house but alas, his father answered.

Shit, new plan.

“Hi Mr Khan. Is Javed around?”

“Why?” Uhhhhhh.

“We planned on going to the library to study.”

“Where are your books?” Fuck.

“I just got off work so I still need to drop by my house first.” Nice save Y/N.

He looked at you suspiciously then called out for Javed.

“Javed, your pretty friend is here.” You couldn’t help but giggle but it was cut short when Javed came down the stairs.

“Dad I told you this morning. Y/N and I are going to the library to study.” He had no clue what he was in for.

“Right well you two be good and get your work done.” He wagged a fatherly finger at you both and you nodded. As much as Javed and his dad has their problems, you could tell he wanted what was best for his son. Javed waved goodbye as the door shut behind him. Three heavy textbooks in his arms

“Where are your books Y/N? And what’s with the coat?”

“Oh Javed. You're so smart and yet so naive. Drop the books.” He gives you a confused look and you smirk, putting a sleeping mask over his eyes.

“What are you doing?” He seemed a little panicked as you grabbed the books from him and placed them behind the bush beside the stairs.

“Just relax.” You chuckle leading him away from the house.

He kept his hands out in front of him, trying to get used to the fact that he couldn’t see. It didn’t take long to approach Matt’s. You knew a bunch of people were already inside hiding, trying to stay quiet but failing miserably, probably already pissed drunk. You opened the door and Javed called out towards you. “Y/N? Where are we? Can I take this thing off?” You gently removed it from his eyes, darkness still filling the room. You quickly turned the light switch on and everyone came jumping out from different objects and doorways.

“Surprise!” Everyone yelled. 

Javed jumped back a little in your arms. The celebration didn’t last long though because after they did what they were instructed to do, they all went back to playing loud music and talking. Most of the people here didn’t even know Javed, but they did know free booze.

“Happy Birthday mate!” Matt approached, slightly tipsy with a drink in his hand.

“Matt, what is all this?” Javed seemed a little upset.

“It’s your surprise party. I thought you would like it.”

“Is it hot in here?” Javed interrupts. 

It seemed as though everything was too overwhelming for him. The smell of weed and beer was heavy and his mind was getting clouded. This was definitely not his scene.

“Shit. Hey, Javed, why don’t we go upstairs for a bit yeah?” You grabbed his arm knowing how to calm him down. Matt looked at you with a sorry look in his eyes.

“It’s okay Matt. Just give us a minute.” You said before pushing Javed upstairs. Matt quickly grabbed your wrist, his eyes looking deep into yours. They were soft and sincere. He felt awful.

 “You going to be okay?” You smile and nod. Out of nowhere Emma shows up, super drunk. She wraps herself around Matt.

“Hey babe? Want to go somewhere a bit more private?” She giggled and nibbled at his ear. He gave you one last look. 

You nodded telling him to go have fun. She giggles again and grabs his face, going straight in for a make out. Matt now seemed a tad bit preoccupied. You turned around trying to block it out, while also trying to get Javed into a quieter space. You open a couple doors, either people making out in them or drunkenly crying about their ex. You huffed and finally opened the door to Matt’s dad's office. Empty since it was off limits but for you and Javed there was an exception.  

Javed let out a big sigh and you rested your head against the wall as you both sat on the carpeted floor.

“You know Matt did all of this for you. He may have missed the mark but it’s his way of showing that he cares.”

Javed looks over and nods.

“No I know, I just get worried about what would happen if I ever got caught up in that type of crowd. What my parents would think.”

“I understand.” You reply. It’s silent for a moment.

“Oh wait. I totally forgot. Happy Birthday mate.” You pull out a couple wrapped gifts from the pocket of the trench coat you had just taken off, handing them off to Javed.

He gives you a wide smile and rips open the wrapping paper to reveal a couple of Bruce Springsteen cassettes.

Writing on the front of one of the cassette said,

To J,

The biggest boss I know

Love, Y/N

He chuckles lightly before awkwardly crawling towards you and giving you a hug.

“I love it Y/N, thank you.” You smile and ruffle his hair.

“No problem at all. I’m always here for you, J you know that.”

“I know. Same here.” He smiles.

Silence filled the room, nothing but Matt’s weird music causing the walls to shake.

“So is tonight the night you are going to tell him?”

You groan and bring your knees into your chest, resting your head between them.

Not this again.

“Javed!” You whine. You really didn’t want to have this conversation right now. It was his party for christ sakes.

You should be celebrating, not venting. And besides, it would be highly inappropriate since he has a girlfriend.

“I know you hate it when I pry but I’m going to be honest with you.” You look up at Javed waiting for him to continue.

“It’s kind of annoying watching you pine over him from afar. I’ve been subjected to it for years. It’s my birthday I think you owe me one.”

You scoff.

“You’re something else you know that?”

He shrugs and smirks.

“You have been head over heels since year 7. Don’t you think you deserve that closure?” You sigh and close your eyes, leaning your head against the wall again.

“I ju-, We are such different people. Yes I may be madly in love with him but… I don’t know. His type is for sure not me. I’ll just have to get used to the fact that he will never feel the same way that I do.”

Tears threaten to spill and Javed is quick to come over and comfort you.

“It’s okay. You never know unless you try.”

“But what if it ruins our friendship. He means too much to me to jeopardize that.”

“I don’t know what to say to you Y/N.”

You sigh and wipe your tears suddenly feeling parched.

“I’ll be right back, just going to go grab a drink. You want anything?”

“I’m good.” His voice laced with sympathy.

You nod and get up, a little wobbly but you find your footing. You turn the nob and open the door only to walk right into someone.

Your eyes meet their chest but you already know who it is. Your eyes slowly look up to meet Matt’s.

He looks as though he has just seen a ghost. You're frozen in place, wondering if it’s worth fleeing or retreating back into the dark office space.

“I was coming to check on you guys. Is it true that you have feelings for me?” He asks suddenly, his face still in shock.

“Are you in love with me?” You bow your head in shame, not wanting to make eye contact with him.

“It’s okay Matt just forget it.” You slip past him and start walking away. You wanted to get the hell out of there but you couldn’t leave Javed alone so instead you keep your word and go find the drinks.

Matt follows you down the stairs and over to the kitchen where you were pretending to be busy finding a drink, your mind actually racing after what had just happened.

“Y/N.” He says beside you. You ignore him. He lightly grabs your face so you have no choice but to look into his blue eyes.

“Talk to me.” You push his hand away.

“There’s nothing to talk about Matt.”

He sighs and grabs your hand, pulling you away from the alcohol and into a quiet corner.

“We can’t just pretend I didn’t hear what you said up there. Y/N, do you have feelings for me? Be honest.”

“I might have some feelings for you.” He sighs and rubs his eyes in aggravation.

“I can’t believe you're making me do this.” You frown in confusion.

“Make you do what?” He doesn’t respond but instead walks away from you. Your heart shatters a bit, knowing deep down he wasn’t going to reciprocate and that you would ruin the friendship.

You can’t help but follow him and try to patch up whatever damage you had just caused. But you are stopped in your tracks. You see Emma and Matt talking. She looks upset and suddenly she slaps him across the face, leaving the party in a state. You flinched at the sound but run over to him.

“Matt what did you just do.”

“Was it not obvious?” He looked a little aggravated.

“What are you talking about.” Now you were getting annoyed. He wasn’t being clear with you. The same way you hadn’t been clear with him since year 7.

Once again he grabs your hand and pulls you upstairs. You thought that you guys would go back to the office but he enters the door beside it. His bedroom.

“Matt you're freaking me ou-“ He pushes you against his bedroom door and presses his lips against yours. Your eyes open wide and before it can go any further you push him off of you.

“Bloody hell Matt. You have a girlfriend!” You yell at him as he breathes heavily.

“What do you think I was doing down there? I was breaking up with her… for you.” You laugh in astonishment.

“You broke up with your girlfriend because I said I had feelings for you? Have you gone mad?”

“You don’t understand Y/N. I’ve been in love with you since we first met. I always thought you were beautiful, smart, funny, fun…. Look I may not have realized it then because I was 6 but still, once I understood what love meant I knew I had always loved you. Every girl I have been with has been a distraction to get over you. Now that I know you feel the same way, I’m all yours.”

You looked at him like he was a crazy person.

“You’re fucking insane.” You scoff.

“Insane about you.” You laugh again.

“Oh wow, you find that one on a bubblegum wrapper?” That line was probably the most cringey thing you have ever heard.

He smiles widely. He had always loved to see you laugh. It brightened his day.

“Y/N I’m serious.” He slowly walks back towards you and lightly pushes you back against his door. His left hand leaning against it beside your head.

Your breathing becomes very prominent as he leans down to leave a kiss on your neck.

“Tell me you love me.” He mumbles into your skin. You can’t help but release a small moan.

“Tell me you love me Y/N.” He sounded a bit desperate and honestly you were just as desperate as he was.

“I love you.” You respond in a breathy tone. He groans in pleasure and the kisses along your neck become deeper and they begin moving to different parts of your face. Soon your lips catch his and he holds your face in his hands while he slips his tongue down your throat.

“I’m so sorry it took this long.”

“Me too.” You gasp as he places his hand over your heat.

“Do you want to do this?” He let’s go and stops everything, looking into your eyes.

“Because I am okay with waiting.” He says, his face all blissed out.

You’ve been pent up for too long for this not to happen so you grab his hand and put it back where it was originally.

“I want you to fuck me Matthew.” His dick twitched in his pants when you said that. You had only ever said his full first name when you were really pissed at him.  Now it had a whole new meaning. He liked it.

“Oh baby.” He smirks hoisting you up and swiping all of his lyrics off his desk and placing you down on top of it. You couldn’t help but laugh at the cheesiness as you held onto his neck. It felt like a stupid rom-com. But you didn’t care because you were with him. You kick your white heeled boots off, hating how they squeezed your feet anyways.

He began attacking your neck while between your legs, leaning you back slightly. You shifted your head to give him better access. You couldn’t help but stare out his window, looking into your room.

You were now one of his girls. So many times had there been glances into his bedroom, a new girl wrapped around him.

Jealousy always took over you. But now knowing he only did it because he couldn’t have you turned you on. You smirk slightly as he begins to remove your jean jacket.

“Maybe we should move this over to the bed.” You whisper in his ear. He nods and leaves you, the cold in the room making you shiver. He goes and jumps on his bed, excited like a little kid on Christmas. Trying to spice things up, you walk over to his record player and begin looking through his music library.

“Y/N!” He whines. He’s already taking down his pants and boxers, getting ready for you. You purposely take your time and evilly smirk at him while he begins to pleasure himself, waiting.

“I’m just finding some music.” You simply state trying not to drool over him stroking himself. You finally find a Led Zeppelin record that probably belonged to his dad and place it on the record player.

He groans and throws his head back on the pillow as he speeds up his movements. You crawl over to him, the music playing softly, his other music downstairs overpowering it.

He is quick to grab and pin you down onto his bed. Your arms held in place above your head

“You are so beautiful.” You smile and lift your head slightly to give him a kiss. He shifts a bit down your body and gives you a look, asking for permission. You nod so he starts to gently pull down the straps of your dress, then pulling the top down exposing your bra. It wasn’t as nice as Emma’s but it was uniquely you. A light purple with butterflies. He smiled down at you.

“So beautiful.” He starts to trickle kisses down your neck, then the exposed part of your breasts.

“Just take the bloody thing off Matt.”

“My pleasure.” He smirks. You arch your back slightly so he can work the clasp. It comes off after a couple of attempts and he throws the material to the side. You lay there complety bare from the waist up.

He bites his lip before dipping his head down and taking a nipple into his mouth. You close your eyes in pleasure, tingles moving down your back as you grip his hair.

“Feels so good.” You sputter out as he continues to suck on your chest. Some hickeys included. His tongue swirls around your nipple making you even more sensitive, a build up occurring in your lower stomach.

He lifts his head up and kisses you before pushing himself further down your body, gripping the sides of your dress and pulling it off of you completely, chucking it beside your bra.

His hands graze over your Saturday undies and he’s about to pull them down. You stop him however, bringing him back up so he’s face to face with you.

“Matt. Do you mean everything you are saying? I don’t want to be another number to your body count. This is real to me.” He smiled softly and lays beside you, giving you a peck on the lips.

“I’m serious about this Y/N.” You sigh and look up at the ceiling, in nothing but your underwear. All the times you had laid on his bed while doing homework over the years, you never thought you would end up like this. You weren’t complaining though.

“Let me take over for a bit yeah?” You say looking over at Matt. He smirks and kisses you once more before you jump up and straddle his waist, helping him take off his blue button up, leaving him stark naked other than his bracelets which you always secretly loved.

You lean down and plant kisses on his lips. Then you moved down to his neck, sucking bright purple hickies into his skin. You had a pattern going. Your lips continued down further his body. His chest, stomach that you always have adored when you guys went swimming throughout your school years. You made your way down to his pubic bone ready to take his dick into your mouth.

“Please love, stop teasing and put it in your mouth.” He almost looked like he was in pain. The back of his hand laid on his forehead while he winced, eyes tightly shut and lips pressed into a thin line.

“My pleasure.” You say softly, lightly gripping his throbbing member into your hand.

You slowly began stroking it. A tight enough grip where every once in a while you grazed your thumb over the tip, his thighs clenching every time you did so. You kept a mental note of that.

“Holy fuck! ” He cried out.

You kept going for a bit, pre cum leaking from the head.

Taking this as a signal you wrapped your lips around the tip and licked a couple swirls clockwise.

Matt wasn’t having it though because his hand shot up and gripped your hair, lightly pushing you deeper down his shaft. Surprised you choked a bit, which he caught right away and lifted you up.

“You okay?” He tucked a piece of hair behind your ear. You smiled and nodded.

“I’m fine, just surprised is all.” He sighs in relief, and lays back down, an arm going under his head.

“Sorry I shouldn’t have forced you.”

“I don’t feel forced love” you reply, adoring the sound of calling him love.

Instead of going back to sucking him off you decide to just go for it.

“Um Matt. You have a condom on you?” He shoots up and leans over to his bedside table, you still in his lap.

“I can’t believe we are doing this.” He says all giddy. You snort and wait for him to get the piece of rubber on his member.

It takes him a second but once he does it he flips you over so you are under him. He helps your shimmy out of your underwear then he brings you into a kiss while he uses his other hand to line himself up with your centre. Once he finds it he slowly enters, a guttural moan leaves his lips. Once he is fully inside you, he leans his forehead against yours, breathing heavily through his nose. A tear slips out from your eye from how tight you are and he notices, wiping it away.

“I’ll move in a second. There is no rush.” You nod, silently thanking him for waiting. Once your body is accustomed to his length you give him a tap and he slowly starts coming out. He then enters again, a steady speed developing. You whimper and let out heavy breaths as he slowly pounds into you.

“Go faster. For fuck sake Matt, go faster.” He speeds up leaving your eyes to roll in the back of your head. It felt so right having him inside of you. You were in pure bliss.

Sweat starts forming on his forehead and his tongue sticks out slightly as he pounds into you relentlessly. You weren’t totally there yet so you let him circle your clit with his index and middle finger helping you build up faster. Once you got there you cried out,

“I’m gonna fucking cum Matt!”

“Look down love.”

You followed his orders and watched as his length moved in and out from your dripping core. That was enough to finish you so you nodded.

“Yup I’m there, I’m there. Cum with me baby.” You try to coherently say. He starts to twitch inside of you and you both let out loud moans of release.

He cums into the condom and crashes onto your chest, still inside of you.

The record had stopped but music from downstairs and yelling could still be heard from all corners of the house.

Inside the room was all pants and heavy breathing,

“That. Was. Fucking. Amazing.” He breathed out while you rubbed his back and played with his hair.

I love you Y/N.” He mumbled into your breasts. You laugh slightly at his childishness.

“I love you too bub.”

“We should have done that so much sooner.” He lifts his head up from your bare chest to say.

“What does this mean for us?” you ask, a slight worry in your voice.

“I want nothing more than to be with you Y/N. I would do anything for you.”

You smile, pushing his head back into your chest. He starts to lull off, listening to your heartbeat and breathing.

“Oh my god Javed!” You were brought out of your dreamland, remembering your best friend you left in that room about half an hour ago.

Matt’s eyes went wide and you both shot up from the bed and began to get dressed. Hopefully he was okay and wasn’t in a corner crying.

Once you were both somewhat collected, other then Matt’s badly done buttoning job of his shirt and both or your disheveled hair, you ran out.

You open the office door beside Matt’s room. He wasn’t in there.

“Shit.” You mutter, running downstairs. Matt close behind you. The party on the main floor stayed alive and well, even with the host's absence.

You look around and notice a group laughing in the living room. You walk in to see Javed, holding a blunt telling a funny story to a group of very interested people. He was the life of the party.

“Matt come here, you won’t believe this!” You call out to your now boyfriend.

He joins you and looks at Javed all surprised.

“J?” He asks. Javed stops his fascinating story and walks over to the two of you.

“Hey guys. I’m sorry for earlier. I’m having a great time. Really thank you for the party Matt.”

“No problem J.” Matt looked dumbfound.

“I’m sorry I left you in the office J, I got caught up.” You try to explain yourself. Javed smirks at the likes of the two of you.

“No worries and by the way thank you for the birthday present. “ You look at him confused.

“Now I don’t have to listen to you whine about Matt anymore. Same with you mate.” Your eyes went wide.

“Wait what? You knew all along Matt liked me back and never said anything.” He shrugs

“It was never my place. Anyways, next time just remember that the walls are thin in this place.” He winks before walking off, starting to talk to some girl from college.

You and Matt stand there dumbfounded.

[frenchibi]

hey, so i thought maybe you could tell us a little what you're currently interested in? ♥ like, what have you been doing during quarantine, are there any new shows you watched that you enjoyed a lot, did you maybe take up a new hobby or something? :)

Hello!! I did not forget this lovely message, I was just in no state to answer (who’d have thought that recovery from surgery is, y’know, taxing) BUT I’M BACK NOW and ohhhh do you know what you’ve unlocked by asking me this question...?? I cannot give you a comprehensive list but I can tell you a couple of the things that I got into during quarantine, and the things I am currently super passionate about! My memory is, uh, not great but thankfully I do journal and write down things so I am confident I can answer this for you :D (plus I do always love recommending things so - aaa??? Thank you for this ask????)

Putting things under a cut because I physically cannot chill but if tl;dr I want you to take away one thing from this it’s that everyone should read Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir. Thoughts below.

(Also. I would love to go off about my interests more on here but am not sure what... shape that should ideally take? Text posts? IDK pls give me suggestions, help me out?? dfhasjkldf)

Movies

I have not seen many, but I can and will scream about The Old Guard over and over because... it was everything I never knew I needed in an action movie?? I don’t reblog many things about it anymore but I love love LOVED it!!

Also, upon recommendation by one of my friends from India, I have been delving into the world of Bollywood movies and WOW Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara was so fucking good??? idk if it’s on Netflix in every country but it is in mine and I highly recommend it. It’s thoughtful, honest, emotional and shot absolutely gorgeously, and it also has that cheesiness that is just... so good... sometimes you just need the cheese y’know???

(Side note, 2020 was the year I saw Pride and Prejudice (2005) for the first time and I am a changed woman. It is now my ultimate comfort movie. Please see it if you have not, I cannot believe it took me this long. I saw it for the first time on an airplane (in january... a lifetime ago) and have seen it many, many times since.)

TV Shows

So, to everyone’s shock but especially my own, I have not really been into TV lately? I watched The Boys because my brother recommended it (it’s good, but gorey and pulls no punches, the R rating is deserved), and recently started watching Jujutsu Kaisen because my sister recommended it (I haven’t watched a new anime in like a year which is kinda wild to me? But I am enjoying this one - the opening SLAPS and what I’ve seen so far has been fun! Plus I’m watching it with my sister and I like sending her reactions xD),,, and that’s pretty much it for this category?? I am aware there is a LOT of good shit out there I just.. .don’t seem to have the attention span for multiple episodes of a Thing these days. Meh. I’m sure it’ll come back to me eventually ^^

Musical Theater

One of the main reasons I think I haven’t been big into TV is because my Musical Passion is in FULL SWING (haha get it). Probably because the only thing that has remained for me during this quarantine is my singing lessons (and lemme tell you... over skype, that shit is ROUGH but still better than not singing at all) and I have been obsessing over learning new songs and finding shows through recommendations and compilation videos on youtube... So.

Shows I listen to a lot these days include Starry, Anastasia, The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals, Come From Away (I made a post recently specifically about musicals, you should be able to find it under #French speaks) - specific songs in my range that I am currently learning and obsessing over include “Bring on the men” from Jekyll and Hyde, “The Mad Hatter” from Wonderland, “Show Yourself” from Frozen 2 (I liked it ok I DID), and “Go Tonight” from The Mad Ones (this one makes me cry... I’m making my sister duet it with me bc I can’t stop thinking about it).

Also, if you’re interested in hearing me sing things, head over to my instagram where I post covers (and also art)!!

(Musical people, I am curious to hear opinions about Great Comet, and also The Count of Monte Cristo - two shows I’ve been meaning to check out!)

Video Games

Listen. Animal Crossing New Horizons is awesome and I’m glad I have it (...give me Brewster back, Nintendo, or I WILL RIOT), but I have been branching out into other games for the Switch (might as well make this purchase worth it amirite) - current faves include Celeste (which is SO HARD but also SO FUCKING FUN) and Spiritfarer which I specifically bought to play at the hospital bc I knew I was going to be there for a few days, and let me tell you - best decision of 2020. Please watch the trailer if you haven’t heard of it, it’s GORGEOUS and beautiful and emotional and I loved every second of it. Both of these can also be purchased for PC and I think they are definitely worth the investment!!

In other news I’m back on my Stardew Valley bullshit. It’s just so calming.I revisit it a lot lmao

Books

So... I have been reading. A LOT. I read over 70 books this year, which for me is... average tbh? I have had some less productive reading months but overall I have torn through stuff and BOY do I have recommendations if you want them?? For the sake of brevity I will only mention a few here:

Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir “Lesbian necromancers explore a haunted gothic palace in space”. That is all. This was my first five star fiction book of the year and I will never be done screaming about it. There is a dedicated but smallish fandom here on tumblr and it deserves SO MUCH MORE. Please, please please. Everyone should read this damn book. It’s confusing in the beginning but I promise it’s worth it IT’S SO GOOD!! And also the sequel is out and it’s also confusing and SO GOOD!!!

Educated by Tara Westover. This is an autobiography and it’s one of those books that like. Stick in your mind for months after you’ve read it. It’s about how this woman escaped an abusive household that was religiously oppressive and also like... survivalist (prepping for the apocalypse) and avidly believed in conspiracy theories - by educating herself, working her way up to going to Harvard. Nothing I say could do the emotional impact of this book justice - and also just, the perspective this book gave me?? Incredible. Education is the most powerful tool and this woman grabbed it by the hair and did not let go and I was FLOORED. Everyone should read this. I don’t even usually read biographies but DAMN.

The Winternight trilogy by Katherine Arden.(Book 1 is called The Bear and the Nightingale). This is a bit of a slow burn type deal - it’s a retelling of a Russian fairy tale (I think?? Or like a folk... story? Something like that) and it is just. So magical. It’s not fast paced but it works up to FANTASTIC moments, the focus is on family and magic and change and “making your own way” and all three of these books were wonderful. It reminded me of Naomi Novic’s Uprooted and Spinning Silver (both of which I also loved back in 2019 and would highly recommend) and they are PERFECT winter reads if you’re looking for something to get cozy with. I liked book 1 well enough but books 2 and 3 knocked it out of the park. Fantastic. Loved them.

I have many more recs but this will do for now hahah

Music

Gonna keep this brief too - my music taste is all over the place, but here are some songs I have been obsessed with recently!! Beware of genre whiplash though because these are Very Different from one another (and different from the musical theater stuff above)

Factories - Autoheart (that bridge gets me every time, idk why. This is one I could have on repeat for hours and not get tired of it either. Something about it just gets me!!)

History Read - The Altogether (The lyrics!! Tbh the entire Silo album is GREAT, but this one is my fave. Their music is so... mellow, in the best way??)

Weather Man - Valley of Wolves (ok this one is just a banger. I’m a sucker for a good sing-along-able hook (that’s not a word. you get me though right) and this fucking DELIVERS. I also just think “I make these dark skies blue, I make these mountains move, let the rain come down, I’m pushing through.... [pause] ... ‘cause I’m the weather man” is such good execution of a concept?? That PAUSE GETS ME it’s just SO FUN?!?! idk man I like a good upbeat banger and this is that.)

I believe (get over yourself) - Nico Vega (this one is just a callout at myself tbh?? “you’re a fool” I AM and I needed to hear it?? It’s also SO FUN to sing!!! We love a banger.)

Kiss me you animal - Burn the Ballroom (mentioning this mainly because it reminded me, lyrically, of Gideon the Ninth and I need someone to confirm this for me before I go insane?? “everybody knows that home is where your teeth sink, love” - I mean c’mon??? Also it’s a banger. I do like some rock from time to time... and this also has a killer driving bassline. This is super fun to drive to, too!!)

((If we have overlap and anyone wants to exchange playlists with me - I am SO here for it. Always looking for new music!!! I mean it!!))

Youtube

Last and certainly not least... meet my newest hyperfixation!!! I have always loved watching video essays, and booktube videos, and arttube videos - and my current niche of favorite creators is the Polygon video team!! They made videos about video games and board games and anything gaming-related and I just. I’m only peripherally a “gamer(TM)” but I love anything and everything they create. (Also you don’t have to know much about video games to enjoy all of their content!! A lot of it is still accessible to Non-Gamers(TM) or casual gamers!) BDG is my new favorite creator, the Unraveled series he does on the channel is a work of genius - but I have also started watching their streams and older series and I am enjoying myself SO MUCH! I love boardgames so their series on them, Overboard, is so fun and entertaining (and I already know a bunch of games I want to buy based on seeing the gameplay), and it also made me invested in the other creators - particularly Simone, I would die for Simone?? And Pat? And Jenna? They each have their niche and they work really well together too and their videos are my Main Serotonin Machine in these trying times(TM), thank you for coming to my TED talk.

Also. If you’re already following me here and you are familiar with Polygon things I BEG YOU TO COME AND TALK TO ME ABOUT THEM because I am like, bursting, but I also don’t want to flood my dash with stuff that 99% of my followers are unfamiliar with y’know??

...I think I’m going to leave it at this - it’s already a lot!

But thank you once again for asking and for letting me Go Off about things I am interested in!! I just... I very often wish I could do this more, but I’m not sure how to go about it? Should I just do text posts about things?? Would that be interesting to anyone?? Or is that like, annoying? Should I start a review blog or something? dhfajkldhf I just want to talk about things that excite me, but whenever I’m here I often just stick to reblogging other people’s stuff... help?? What do y’all want to see??