#this is also my excuse to find movie recs from people

[modernsapphicism]

I was tagged by @erikahenningsen to post what's your lookscreen, last song you listened to, last picture taken and last movie you watched?

I tag: @memberoflottiescult @sippinoj @chaosdeprived @magicmumu2 @cheesysoup-arlo

[flyingcatstiel]

SuperBat Week 2024 fic recs

Day 5 - WE ARE FAMILY Meeting the in-laws | Parent trap | Tired dads

the cost of being a good dad by Mawiiish [T, 96,500 wc]

Dick, Jason, Tim and Damian are all tired of watching Bruce struggle with the stress of trying to handle the newly formed Justice League. He needs an outlet, he needs to relax, he needs to get out of the house, he needs... he needs to start dating. And what he doesn't know won't hurt him, right? “Excuse me, I don’t know who you think I am, but I think there’s been a mistake.” “Bruce, right?” the guy says, albeit less confidently this time. He looks slightly concerned and if Bruce is not mistaken… a tad embarrassed. “Bruce Wayne? You look just like your pictures.” “My pictures?” Something finally clicks in Bruce’s mind, and he takes a small step back and plasters a smile on his face as to not rouse suspicion. Stalker. “Ah, of course, I’m sorry but I’m late for an appointment.”

Comment - Great "Parent Trap" kinda story with Bruce's kids having too much interest in his dating life and too much skills in setting up him with a handsome stranger. What could go wrong?

I (Know) I Wanna Marry You by ClarkeStetler [T, 23,800 wc]

Clark loves Bruce and has been dating him long enough that he's absolutely certain he wants to marry him, build a life with him, etc. But before he can do that, he has to make sure certain people are okay with it... and very few people have done too well going against seven Bats.

Comment - Clark wants to do things right, and that means asking Bruce's family to give him (them) a blessing. But first he needs a plan how to approach them. (#meeting the in laws, kind of)

Interviewing & Counseling series by Ginevra_Benci [G, M, 18,119 wc, 5 parts]

Clark is falling apart. Bruce Wayne, of all people, helps sort out the pieces.

Comment - While the fic is more about Clark finding a place where he belongs, Bruce Wayne and his sons are essential in this process. Also, some wise words from Nightwing to speed up his date with Batman. (#meeting the in laws, kind of)

This Side of the Stars by architeuthis [T, 43,900 wc]

After Clark's death, Bruce finally gets to know him.

Comment - The fic takes place after Batman v Superman movie which means that Clark is slightly indisposed for the most duration of the story. Instead, Bruce is there to help Martha Kent and to learn about the man he couldn't save. (#meeting the in laws, kind of)

who's coming to dinner by shipyrds [G, 4,160 wc]

Beyond the onslaught of comestibles are Ma and Pa Kent. They’re seated next to each other, which isn’t traditional, and also makes this feel even more like a job interview Bruce is failing. He thinks. He’s never actually had a job interview, never mind failed at one. That may be part of the problem. “So,” he begins, a tentative foray into the awkward silence broken only by the sounds of Jonathan’s fork scraping mashed potatoes onto his plate. “How’s the, ah, harvest this year?” “Bad,” Jonathan says, and does not elaborate. Three visits to Smallville over a year.

Comment - Bruce wants to succeed. The Kents don't make it easy. (#meeting the in laws)

My other superbat fic recs are here

[dontcallpanic]

Um Sorry, I kinda picked picked alot.

5. 13. 15. 16. 28. 33. 39. 52. 53. 63. 66. 69. 70. 71. 84. 85. 94. 95. 98.

5. 13. 15. 16. 28. 33. 39. 52. 53. 63. 66. 69. 70. 71. 84. 85. 94. 95. 98

Waaaaa thank you so much! Diolch yn fawr iwan!! <3

I’m honestly flattered that you’re asking so many questions! You are So lovely and So kind! Thank you for not leaving me hanging! Since it’ll be a long one (buckle up) I’ll do my best to make it entertaining.

Note – I use sarcasm a lot which doesn’t translate via text very well (especially when the tone for everything else is earnest) so if something looks or sounds hinky assume it’s meant sarcastically.

5. What is your favorite color?

Blue – any kind of blue but particularly that strange stormy grey blue.

13. What Talents do you have

Well, honestly, my main talent is the ability to turn any object, or flat surface, into something lethal. I am ridiculously clumsy, accident prone and cause chaos wherever I go. I’m also really good at finding things – If someone is missing something I can usually tell them where it is maybe 8 times out of 10.

I can play music by ear – if I hear a tune I can hash it out on most instruments. I am exceptionally mediocre at the violin, terrible at piano and determined to learn the guitar.

Typical talent wise the only one I’m happy to say out loud is (like everyone else in Wales) I can sing. For everything else (writing, music, art etc.) I can do them but yeah… mostly the results are woeful!

15. Favorite song?

I really hate to be that person but there are too many. I even tried going through my playlists to pick out the ones I love and now I have a new playlist that is 200 songs long – and I still have two big playlists to go. I LOVE music.

I am happy for people to like send me a genre or theme though and I will always rec songs that I think fit! I like to think I have a song for every occasion (happy to be proved wrong!)

16. Favorite movie?

I have Favourite movies based on like… themes so uh…

My favourite cosy movie is Howls Moving Castle

I watch My Neighbour Totoro when I’m ill

Practical Magic and Nightmare before Christmas for Halloween

I watch Lord of the Rings… well anytime to be honest, I don’t need an excuse for that one

My favourite stupid 80s movies are Ghostbusters and Blues Brothers

My favourite spooky horror is Blair Witch Project

You get the idea – I’ll watch anything though! I love to keep an open mind and be surprised.

28. What type of music do you like?

I LOVE music so much. I am crazy passionate about it… but that means I really do like all sorts from classic to metal. My consistent go tos are Folk, Blues, Alternative and Rock but I really do love ANYTHING.

Open invitation to send me all your favourite songs! Please! I adore music recs, all songs will be cuddled!

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

I love egg on toast.

39 & 98. Do you have any scars?

Yeah… Like I said, very accident prone. I have loads of scars! The ones worth an honourable mention are:

I have a solidly permanent (but thankfully pale) one on my forehead, multiple purple ones on my knees. I used to have a hell of a one on my foot from a 2nd degree steam burn (short… ridiculous story) but that is fading now. There’s a largish one on my leg from walking directly into a shard of glass and then two slash lines on the back of my forearm that look like I went up against a werewolf or something but are actually from falling into the oven as I tried not to drop a tray of Madeleines. I know right... badass…

52. Favorite food?

I am forever basic but I will go feral over Fish and Chips

53. Favorite foreign food?

Ohhh Indian probably – I love pretty much everything I’ve ever had in this style! Italian is a close second (anything with basil and tomato, I will turn equally feral over). I really love Persian style food too. The theme is... meat, spices, tomatoes flatbreads!

63. Biggest Fear?

Slugs. No, seriously. Terrifying…

66. Do you like long or short hair?

I have long hair (small of my back long) but I like either!

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

An introvert that often pretends to be an extrovert. Extraverted introvert?

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

Yes actually! I have an open water dive qualification. Yeah it went about as well as you’re imagining. So many accidents and chaotic situations occurred (memorably not figuring out buoyancy so while making the assent I suddenly ballooned like a puffer fish and shot up towards the surface… like an out of control blimp. Luckily I was in an abandoned quarry and not coming from somewhere deeper than 6m)

71. What makes you nervous?

Social Situations… and slugs.

84. What color is your hair?

I want to say something interesting like aubern but… brown. It’s brown.

I used to dye my hair (mainly red but other colours like purple and blue) but after going blond in lockdown everyone decided it would be best if I put down the bottle and walked away.

85. What color is your eyes?

Blue!

94. What are you strengths?

These last two are hard!

Okay – I’m going to try and own what I think are my strengths so here we go!

I am really patient, I have bucketloads of empathy for people and I’m extremely non-judgemental. I live by the words: Be curious and have compassion. And… don’t knock it till you’ve tried it. All experiences are valid and welcome. I LOVE hearing other people’s stories and experiences.

95. What are your weaknesses?

Why are weaknesses always easier…

I’m awful with confrontation – I crumble easily and get way to emotional. I’m a big fan of ignoring things until they go away which, let’s face it, is a really terrible strategy sometimes. I overthink EVERYTHING! I like to do things myself and therefore don’t ask for help. I’m stupidly stubborn! I can’t multitask! I overuse exclamation marks!

[yeetlegay]

Hi, so you finally got me to read your Pretty Woman AU, which means you pulled me back into reading fanfiction for the first time ever since a very unfortunate dabbling in Wattpad territory at the age of 15. And I didn’t think I would like it that much, to be honest, because I’ve only ever seen snippets of Pretty Woman and because I’m not usually into stuff that horny. But excuse me, how is this so beautiful and perfect and addictive??? I can now get in line with all the other people begging for the new chapter on a daily basis.

I mean, even though you keep saying you forget about the plot all the time, it’s still there and it’s wonderful and already the idea is brilliant. Like I said, I have never seen the entirety of Pretty Woman, but I love how you weave KinnPorsche and that movie together so seamlessly while somehow staying true to both?

And I know this is a minor detail to most people, but I personally can’t stand spelling, punctuation and grammar mistakes etc. in stories, so I love that somehow you manage to make less of them (= partically zero, even the questionable ones I wasn’t sure about) than a huge amount of professionally published books I’ve read. Thank you for that. Also, I just generally love your style of writing and your tone, it’s a pure delight to read.

That said, I will now go hide in a corner, anxiously await the new chapter and hope you’re having a great day (and that it’s no longer ruined because of the coffee spill).

P.S.: One question, though. Could you maybe explain to me how exactly Kinn’s penthouse is laid out and where everything is inside it? I keep getting confused because my brain is weird and then rooms and furniture end up on the opposite sides of where I expected them to be.

Oh god not Wattpad! 😂 That place is abysmal, I’m so sorry for whatever horrors you stumbled across. But WOW wtf this is????? Incredible???? Not to sound cheesy but I really am honored that you gave fanfic another shot with FL&H, that absolutely blows my mind. I hope you check out some more KP fics too—there’s tons of goodies in there if you’re interested! (I’m very far behind on my TBR but I’d rec anything in my bookmarks for a start!)

Pretty Woman has always been such a comfort watch for me honestly. I first saw it when I was like 8, which in hindsight was too young lol, but it’s just one of those movies that’ll always be a timeless classic imo. It’s one of the greats to come out of the 90s romance boom and I’m just really gassed that Kinnporsche happens to translate so well to that setup. It was shockingly easy to outline and find all the ways to sync up the story/character beats, and I love including little Easter eggs from both stories (like Porsche’s “then stop calling me” moment in ep 5, and Chan teaching Porsche self-defense instead of table manners, and obv the piano scene lol).

I’m kind of the same about grammar/punctuation hang-ups just because of the field I work in, but I try really hard to get over it with fanfic because it’s free and made with love, you know? And besides, I’ve read manuscripts from some brilliant authors who cannot spell or use commas right to save their lives lol, so I’m pretty used to looking past the little things for the sake of the story. Thank god for copy editors tbh. But I’m glad you haven’t spotted a lot of typos! I don’t really copy edit other than skimming it after I post so there’s always a good chance I’ve missed something really egregious lol.

As for Kinn’s penthouse suite, I just sketched this out on my phone so it’s not super accurate dimension-wise lol but below is what I picture in my head. (If you see anything in early chapters that contradicts this…no you didn’t 😉)

The north- and east-facing walls are complete glass, and probably have some kind of shades/curtains that come down when you hit the button, but as we all know Kinn and Porsche are exhibitionists and want to make sure the entire city sees them fucking, especially the banks. 😌

Hope that helps! So glad you’re liking the fic, and an update is coming soon, I promise! Chapter 9 is officially the longest one yet fml 😩

[isabellehemlock]

Hello ❤ In honor of the anniversary of the movie coming out this month, I am so excited to share a little project I’ve been working on - a sort of love letter from me to the fandom - that’s about celebrating some of the fic writers we have.  I quite enjoy sharing fic recs, reblogging them, hyping, etc, but seeing as it’s been several months since I’ve made a huge fic rec list (you can see that here if you’d like), I figured I’d compile another one (that features 50+ fics!). 

Because I really wanted to celebrate the broad range of characters, pairings, and find a little something for as many people as possible, here’s the layout/goals I had in mind:

Divide by Canon vs AU.  Canon adjacent were included, as well as pre/post, basically if everyone was still an Immortal, the fic ended up under this section.  Anything else, was placed under the AU section, for any time period, or world (fantasy, historical, or modern)

I further divided by the following pairings (whether canon or fanon): Andy x Quynh, Joe x Nicky, Book of Nile, and Other (which includes such pairings as OT3, OT5, or say, Andy and Nile, etc - I really tried to find at least one of each of these, for as many ratings as possible but they are rare pairs in some cases and I unfortunately was a bit limited in that regard).

Each fic is listed in descending order, starting with General Audiences, and going down to Explicit within each category.  All are completed status, and I included both one shots, and multi chapter options.

I strived to find fics, and authors, I have not personally recommended before, as well as ones who maybe haven’t received very many hits (>2k), or comments (though there are a handful of exceptions that are higher, and some authors are on here twice) - by now I know there’s some popular names out there within the fandom, and I definitely have some of those authors bookmarked and subscribed to, but I also wanted to help some less known authors/not as well known fics be seen, too 😘

Where possible I also added the author’s tumblr handles, if you see your story below, feel free to comment/reblog and let me know and I’m happy to add it  

As with any fics, mind the tags, and ratings, and if you ever need to know how to curate your AO3 search results, here’s some links that could help:

link in case you would like to block certain ship pairings within the fandom

link if you want to use a browser extension to block authors, certain tags, etc

link if you want to block an author via a workskin).

You are 100% responsible for curating your fandom experience and please do not use this list that is meant to showcase the wonderful variety within this fandom as an excuse to hound authors in the comments/blogs.  Simply block what you don't want to read and enjoy the ones you do please 🤗

Oh and don’t forget to scroll to the bottom in case you didn’t find any that tickled your fancy.  I tagged a bunch of tumblrs who handle fic recs, and who can help you find fics, so if you didn’t see anything here that works for you, maybe they can help!

Lastly, for easier reference, I’m also copying and pasting this as a Google doc that you can access with this link - feel free to pass on <3

Thank you TOG fandom for all the content you’ve created, and let’s show these authors some love!

Andy x Quynh

Let My Right Hand Wither And Turn To Dust by @displayheartcode - One Shot - Rated G

Water & Fire by @cryhardanddanceharder - Multi Chapter - Rated G

Between Heartbeats by @terapsina - One Shot - Rated T

Maybe Some Day (Distant Future, Distant Past) by @lilolilyr Multi Chapter - Rated T

Iron & Oxygen by @mekana47 One Shot - Rated M

Worship Me Not, Love Me Until The End by @hesselives - Multi Chapter - Rated M

Flame Sparks by @hsavinien - One Shot - Rated E

Coming Home by GlassRose - Multi Chapters - Rated E

Joe x Nicky

It’s Hard To Wake Up In The Morning by maddielle - One Shot - Rated G

Lunetta by edgy_fluffball - Multi Chapters - Rated G

From Here, I Can Pretend by @hermit-writes - One Shot - Rated T

1001 Nights, According To Yusuf by @tobebbanburg - Multi Chapters - Rated T

Let It Snow - by paperstorm - One Shot - Rated M

Goddess Of Victory by @shadowen - Multi Chapters - Rated M

Posterior Motives by Obscure_ramblings - One Shot - Rated E

Two Slow Dancers by incurableromancer - Multi Chapters - Rated E

Book of Nile

One Step Closer by @energievie - One Shot - Rated G

Concessions And Confessions by @peri-helia - Multi Chapters - Rated G

The Search by @rileywrites - One Shot - Rated T

Neck Kisses by Danger_Zone24 - Multi Chapters - Rated T

Endearments by lovedontroam - One Shot - Rated M

Heaven Upside Down by @highlightcity159 - Multi Chapters - Rated M

Your Chance To Do Some Damage by BelleRaev - One Shot - Rated E

You Have The Right To Lose Control by @nevermindirah - Multi Chapters - Rated E

Other Pairings

A Gentleman Never Kisses And Tells by @alit0my - One Shot - Rated G - Pairing: BookerxCopley

Damaged Tools Of A Long War by HSavinien - Multi Chapters - Rated G - Pairing: AndyxQuynhxLykon (and Joe and Nicky)

Tactical Makeouts by @glorious-spoon - One Shot - Rated T - Pairing: AndyxNile

Cry For Comfort by Lexzandrihya - Multi Chapters - Rated T - Pairing: OT3

Cult Of Dionysis by snarksaurus - One Shot - Rated M - Pairing: Everyone/Group

Look Over Your Hills And Be Still (The Sky Above Us Shoots To Kill) by thesepossessedbylight - One Shot - Rated E - Pairing: AndyxNile

Andy x Quynh

Night Of the New Moon by @nickydestati - Multi Chapters - Rated G

Waves Of Ink by @badwolfbadwolf - One Shot - Rated Teen

My Heart (Is Like A Haunted House) by @daniwouldnever - Multi Chapters - Rated Teen

Come With Me, Loving Me, To Death by moonflowery - One Shot - Rated M

These Fragile Flowers by thevorpalsword - Multi Chapters - Rated M

The Best Little Sex Shop In Soho by @hyper-fixate - One Shot - Rated E

Some Invisible String (Tying You To Me) by paupaupi - Multi Chapters - Rated E

Joe x Nicky

Bad At Mornings (But Good At This) by @wakandan-wardog - One Shot - Rated G

A Life Changing Romance by @nkp1981 - Multi Chapters - Rated G

Pressed Flowers Last Longer by @miraxb - One Shot - Rated T

The Painter And The Poet by LenschgerlWrites - Multi Chapter - Rated T

Ichor And Blood by OldMagpie - One Shot - Rated M

Speak Your Heart by ZionPhoenix - Multi Chapters - Rated M

More Than Kisses by fadagaski - One Shot - Rated E

You’re Making Me High by @asamandra - Multi Chapters - Rated E

Book of Nile

A General Librarian by @sweetlyenchains - One Shot - Rated G

It Might Not Be The Life We Dreamt Of, But It’s The Life We Want by nkp1981 - Multi Chapters - Rated G

The Kids Are Alright by @takethisnight-wrapitaroundme - One Shot - Rated T

The Old Guard Bookstore by Archangell & Danger_Zone24 - Multi Chapters - Rated T

Make A Haven Of Me by takethisnight_wrapitaroundme - One Shot - Rated M

Songs Written In Blood: A Nightingale’s Flight by WinterEquinox - Multi Chapters - Rated M

And Still My Heart Has Wings by allandmore99 - One Shot - Rated E

A Little Swim by @sindirimba - Multi Chapters - Rated E

Other Pairings

Silent In Transit by @randomingoftherandomness - Multi Chapters - Rated G - Pairing: OT3

Darling, The Marks You Leave On Me by Coruscant - One Shot - Rated Teen - Pairing: AndyxQuynh (with implied)xLykon - and Joe x Nicky

Basket Of Figs by @a-little-bit-of-ultra-violence - One Shot - Rated E - Pairing: Everyone/Group

The Old Guard Fic Recs

The Old Guard Fic Finder (hasn’t been updated since December 2020, but lots of pages to backread)

Andromaqyunh Fic Recs

Joe x Nicky AO3 Feed

Happy Reading!!

[internalsealpanic]

Love Through the Ages (Damian Wayne)

Summary:  Love like baggage needs to be declared.

a/n: This is part one of a series that is a fic rec list disguised as a fic. For these fics, most of the characters will be speaking different languages, so unless specified otherwise assume that the characters are speaking in the first language I mention. They’re all vampires with centuries under their belt. Why wouldn’t I make them all polyglots.  Also, thank you to the proof reading gang for putting up with my shenanigans.  I will have links to the fics I recommend in the fic itself.

Warnings: Everyone is dramatic. 

Masterlist

Series Masterlist. 

You wait by the platform, tapping your feet to the rhythm of the Little Colonel Bojangles Dance. It's been so long since you've seen the movie but your feet can still remember the steps- much to Damian's annoyance. Your feet patter against the pavement, wet from the spring rain, in a soft rhythm that kept your excitement at bay.

You wave to the approaching cab. The passenger of the cab looks away from you, pressing his mouth into the heel of his hand as his eyes stare out into oblivion. Your mouth quirks at the petulant gesture. You haven't seen each other in two decades and he's still mad about... what was it again? You'll find out soon enough.

The cab stops in front of you.

You bow your head, resting your weight on your umbrella. You grin at his seated form postured perfectly with an ease of a man born with the world in his pocket. He's dressed in a black suit and a dark coat that looked far too thick for spring.

"Long time, no see, little prince." You say in a dialect of Spanish too old for the young cab driver to recognize.

Damian raises his brow, articulating his annoyance. It takes you a moment to realize that it was with the accent you'd chosen. It was inelegant and curt and it mangled the curve of the syllables far too easily. In short, it was your favorite dialect.  Rolling your eyes, you try again. This time with a softer, smoother dialect much more modern but still old enough that you could talk freely without worrying about eavesdroppers.

Damian cracks a smile at you. It was wry but soft in the way Damian always was. Your own exasperated smile softens as you look at his eyes, their ever-changing lushness. It's been too long.

You open the door. Damian eases out of the cab handing the cabby what you quietly hope was the correct amount.

But considering the wide-eyed glee on the cabbies face, you can guess that twenty years has done nothing for Damian's spending habits. That was if the tailored suit wasn't a dead giveaway.

You look him over whistling," whose funeral are you going to after the museum?" 

"Yours if we're on schedule." Damian deadpans looking at his watch. 

You snort, sounding like a piglet in mud. Adoration flickers in Damian's eyes but you miss it as you throw your head back.

"Who has a schedule on vacation."

"People who don't like wasting time."

"That's what a vacation is for."

Damian makes an annoyed noise in the back of his throat and you shake your head. Damian wraps his arm around your shoulders. You happily press into his side, reveling in the intimacy of the action.

Damian had been telling you a story in rapid Arabic, the only words you understood were 'Jon' and 'moron', when you pause in front of a pair of paintings. The painting on the left was of Damian, his form drawn in harsh, messy angles. He's hunched over his sketchbook, candlelight glowing softly by his side makes his copper skin and forest green eyes breathtaking. The subject is out of view. The other was a portrait of you dozing off on a workshop table, your flaws lovingly rendered in gentle brush strokes. By contrast, your portrait was lit by the summer sun. Only Damian could make your features look this beautiful.

Vaguely, you remember this.

You remember it only for the countless times it had happened.

"They say that the one on the left is the painter sketching the portrait on the right and that the portrait on the right is of his lover."  You say airily. Damian, not one to disappoint, gives you an unreadable look.

Your stomach turns. You drop the subject. Wordlessly, you two make your way to the exhibit.

"Love through the Ages?" Damian asks, crossing his arms.

"Shockingly love wasn't invented by Stephenie Meyer."  You say. Damian wrinkles his nose at you and you cover your mouth to hide the scraggly smile spreading across your lips.

"I'm shocked your paintings didn't make it in."

He looks down at you huffing, "it's only speculation." 

You're heart twinges at that.  You press a frown to your hand.

"It'll be fun, Dami. I promise. Pleeeeeease."

Damian's stern look gives way to a weary half-smile as he capitulates to you.

"I promise it will only be half as nauseating as Dick's attempts to do family bonding."

"Tt, it would take a miracle to surpass that."

You grin. "Perish the thought."

"They say this stardust came from star-crossed lovers as they traveled through space. Oh and this one is a statue gifted by Persephone to Hades."

You drag Damian all over the exhibit. Pointing to specific exhibits with enthusiasm. He has to admit. It's infectious. Then again, Damian's never been able to resist anything about you. This amount of enthusiasm for something so frivolous would have been obnoxious on anyone else but because it's you, Damian's found himself utterly enamored by it.

"This one," You say, pointing to a series of paintings. They were all beautiful, painted in bold colors. The torrent of emotions radiating off of the canvas. "This one was made by an artist torn between three loves."

"Three? She must have been an exceptional artist."

"Probably was but her name was lost." You sigh.

 "She’s got exceptional brushwork." Damian hums. 

You squint at it. You would think after hundreds of years you would be able to discern that.

"And over there! Look at those postcards!" You say, pointing the three postcards pinned to a cloth in a glass case.  One card showed the northern lights, another with a picture of a thick rainforest, another with a large cave, and another with the pantheon. 

"They're not well preserved are they." Damian comments, scrutinizing the postcards and noting all the imperfections, the little cracks and tears, the water stains, and odd splotches of dirt. 

You roll your eyes, curling your fingers around his arm. "That's cus Hermes supposedly brought them everywhere while he searched for his lost love." 

"Quite the romantic. Do you know all the artifacts?"

"Yup." 

"I see..." Damian drawls.  "Then why are we here then?" Damian winces at how harsh and impatient he sounds. 

"Cus Jon said I needed an excuse to get you here and viola. It worked. I knew you'd cross the sea for a rare exhibit."

I would cross the sea for you, no matter how many times, Damian thinks.

"What about this?" Damian points to a golden coin, shaking his thoughts away. 

You lean back, side-eyeing him. "Care to guess?" His handsome features furrow as he thinks. 

"I think it’s a coin used to pay Charon." He says finally. 

You frown. "Good guess." A smug grin curls on his lips.  You stick your tongue out at him. 

"It’s an old Greek coin to pay the travel into the underworld."

 "Why would they want to travel  to the underworld?" It's Damian's turn to frown. 

"Yanno for someone who's so smart. You're asking the dumbest questions."

"It's a reasonable question." He asserts, his tone oddly defensive.

"Most people can't bear to be apart from their beloved."

Damian hums noncommittally. He understands that. he understands that all too well. 

"Like you and Jon." You say grinning.

Damian glares at you. No real anger behind it. 

"You two bicker like an old married couple." You laugh.

 "So do we." Damian says flatly, stepping closer to you and closing the gap between the two of you. He's looking at you so intensely that your skin sets itself on fire. 

"I often think about burying you under the kitchen patio too." Damian sneers, with a sharp grin. 

You snap out of your daze. Leaning in close and smiling, your hot breath fan against Damian's face.  "Will you do it affectionately?"

The moment hangs still in the air.  If you could capture it in amber, you would.

"Huh? This is new." You say, looking down at the glass case.

"How many times have you seen this exhibit?"

You preemptively shoot him an accusatory look. "What are you?"

"Concerned."

"Pfff!"

You lean down reading the plate. "Says here it's a letter from the late 1700s and early 1800s. An unsent letter to lost love."

"Sounds cliched." Damian says, leaning down next to you. 

"You've said that about everything."

You feel Damian stiffen beside you. You glance at him. He looks mortified. Your eyes follow his and land on the letter. The calligraphy looks familiar but you can't think of where you've seen the scrawl.

Damian tugs at your shoulder.

"(Y/n), let's go."

You shrug him off.

"(Y/n), let’s go." He repeats with increased urgency.

You shove your palm to his face.

Damian wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you into his chest. You flail and kick out childishly.

“Damian Al Ghul Wayne, I will gnaw your arm off.” You hiss but he doesn’t let go. In a last ditch effort to break free of his hold, you wriggle out of your coat.  Landing on your ass, you scramble for the glass case. 

My beloved (Y/n), 

Finding the words to tell you how I feel about you is not an easy feat. I feel as though Ibn Hazm himself would struggle to compose poems to express my feelings for you even then they would be inadequate.

Whilst we are surrounded by such death and misery, here in London, I want you to know that during these dark times, it is you that keeps me a light. It is you that leads me through the void and guides me.

I think I’ve always loved you from the very first moment I laid eyes on your beautiful lopsided smile. Yes. Your real smile. The one only a handful of people will ever see. I have been lucky enough to see it every day.

As time passed, I fell more and more in love with you. You have seen all of me. You have seen the monster within me and yet you still stand by my side. Never faulting in your stance.

I wish I had the strength to tell you this, face to face. I wish I could look into your eyes and whisper words of love my immortal beloved.

With Love, 

Damian

You stare at the letter uncomprehending. Realization slides off of you like rain off a tin roof. You read it over and over again until each syllable is embedded in your mind. “Damian, what the actual fuck?!”

“I-”

“You dork!”

Damian clams up unable to think of a response. Ok, no. He had a number of responses but none of them were appropriate or witty. He searches your features but the only thing he can make out is shock. 

“(Y/n), I was-”

You press your hand to the glass. “How come you never sent me this?”

“The French Revolution.”

“Which one?”

He crosses his arms raising a brow. 

“Ok, nevermind. But still, it’s been 200 years.”

“A lot has happened in 200 years.”

“A lot has happened in 200 years.” You repeat mockingly.

Damian pinches your cheeks in retaliation.   

“I was pinning for more than 200 hundred years!” You protest. 

“So was I!” Damian says, releasing your cheek. 

“Then why didn’t you say anything?”

“Why didn’t you?” Damian asks, accusing and curt. You flinch, something vile and caustic rising in your stomach.  Damian sees it and grips your hand as you fall away from him. He just got you back. “(Y/n)....”

The fear and hurt melt off of your face. “I thought… I just thought you’d...” You ball your fists in frustration, not quite grasping the right words. But Damian already knows what you’re thinking. He’s seen that look in your face. He’s seen it every time you look at the mirror. It was infuriating to watch you like this. Why couldn’t you see just how perfect you are?

Damian pulls you into a hug, burying your face into his chest and resting his chin on top of your head. 

“You are infuriating.” He mumbles into your hair.

“And you’re rude.” You mumble back.

“Yet here you are 400 years later.” He laughs softly. 

You two stand in silence for a long moment. With Damian, silence itself was a language. It was one you’d grown fluent in. An unspoken conversation of confirmations and reassurances. 

He releases you but holds your hand in his. It feels warm. You shiver and Damian smiles at you, smooshing your coat into your face. Both of you can’t help but laugh. 

You step closer to the glass case, pulling him along. Damian follows without resistance, only lacing his fingers into yours. You both stare at the page. His proclamation of love carefully preserved for all to see. You take your phone out to take a picture.  Damian shoots you a glare. 

“You’re not sending that to Jon.” 

“Tim then.”

“No.”

“Fine, for myself then.” You pause seeing the confusion on his face. “In case, you know...” You say waving your hand. 

Damian tilts your chin up. “Beloved, I’m not going anywhere.”

Your chest flutters. After centuries of inaction, you can feel your heartbeat.  

[christinesficrecs]

Hello, i hope youre having a lovely weekend/holiday so far, i was wondering if you could rec some movie aus preferably rom-coms? Thank you and i hope you're doing all good and are healthy. Lots of love!!! x

Hey! I hope you’re having a great holiday!! Here are some rom-com au’s. Since it’s New Year’s I have an excuse to rec this fic. AGAIN! 💜

Oh baby give me one more chance (to show you that I love you) by LunaCanisLupus_22 | 54.7K | Explicit

The Sweet Home Alabama AU that nobody asked for.

The Holiday by matildajones | 16.5K

It's Christmas, Stiles is alone, and he finds himself swapping Bed & Breakfasts with Cora Hale over the holidays.

Wait by cutloosemcgoose | 23.4K | Explicit

Sitting on his couch, staring at the wall, it feels like Derek is watching his whole, miserable, lonely life flash before his eyes. He’s twenty four and he’s alone. No family, no friends, no real pack. He’s six days away from spending one of the most family-oriented holidays of the year trying to avoid any human interaction. If anyone could see him right now, they would tell him he looks pathetic. If Laura could see him right now, she would probably beat the crap of him and then tell him he’s a loser.

A Walk in the Clouds by Dexterous_Sinistrous | 13.9K

The one set during WWII where Stiles is a pregnant grad student and Derek is a PTSD riddled soldier, both of them looking for a better life.

as long as the stars are above you, i will love you by ericaismeg | 14.8K

Four years ago, Stiles started working with Mr. Hale, and in that time, he's never hated another person as much. Suddenly, he's being pulled into a meeting room and being asked about their engagement or else Mr. Hale will be deported. Stiles can't afford to lose Derek now, so off to Beacon Hills they go for his grandmother's 90th birthday.

Oh boy, pretending to be engaged to the boss he's hated for years is going to be tough, especially when he realizes he doesn't hate him at all. Not one little bit.

The Rest of Your Life by paradis | 4.1K

“Seemed like a buttercream guy,” Stiles says innocently, and grabs two forks and pours two huge glasses of milk. They eat in silence and when Stiles finishes his mouth is filled with the too-sweet taste of peanut butter icing and chocolate cake, and he’s full, but he feels good, too. He stares at Derek, who’s licking his lips after his last bite of cake. “I think I’m probably not straight,” he says suddenly. And Derek says, “I ripped down the whole top floor of the house this morning thinking about Laura.”

A High School Cliché. by halelujah | 2.8K

“Are you the one that played a porno in the Principal’s office?” A gruff voice asks.

“Depends if you’re the one that threw a dumbbell through a window.” He drawls, not bothered in moving from his comfy spot.

Just Like Heaven by skargasm | 23.4K | Mature

Derek Hale is a recently widowed architect moving into a new apartment in Beacon Hills. But the apartment isn’t entirely empty: it’s haunted by the ghost of a man called Stiles. And although Stiles can’t remember much about his life, he’s convinced he isn’t really dead. While Derek recruits Kira, an absent-minded psychic, to get to the bottom of Stiles’ identity, he and Stiles begin to fall in love.

Easy Alpha by interropunct | 4.6K

Easy A/Teen Wolf AU. Wherein, Derek Hale is the high school hussy, Jackson and Scott really need to learn to use their inside voices. And, contrary to popular belief, everyone is still a virgin.

He's Just Knot That Into You by aggybird | 3.6K | Mature

Stiles doesn't have much luck finding Mr. Right, and Derek the bartender hears all about it. 

Seen that wild blue yonder (let's hide under the covers) by dearericbittle (dutchmoxie) | 25.9K | Explicit

Weatherman Stiles doesn’t have time for a relationship. So when his friend and neighbor uneasily tells him that he’s thinking about dating again, but he doesn’t feel ready yet, the solution seems obvious. Friend sex. Obviously.

Or: 5 times Derek asks Stiles about the weather, and one time he doesn’t need to ask.

The Proposal by Firenation | 17.9K | Explicit

Stiles Stilinski is the long-suffering assistant of Derek Hale, editor extraordinaire. Also jackass extraordinaire.

The Proposal AU where Stiles has to get engaged to his terrifying boss Derek in order to prevent him being deported. And somehow has to persuade his family that they're really in a relationship (stop laughing, Scott). Difficult doesn't even cover it.

I See Your Face Before Me by jezziejay | 9.2K

While Stiles was studying in New York, Scott moved to LA and found a new co-bestie. Stiles can't wait to meet him. The feeling, however, is far from mutual.

AU piece, based somewhat around one of the stories in the movie Love Actually. The end especially.

tumescent by kellifer_fic | 9.3K

"I would have to want to date Derek for your plan to work," Stiles points out, secure in the knowledge that his logic is infallible and yes, he's had a pointless and soul-destroying crush on Derek for as long as he can remember but nobody knows that.

I'll Love You Still in Hell by talktowater | 10.7K | Explicit

Stiles has always had these dreams where he was drowning, they were just dreams, really fucking horrible dreams but just dreams nevertheless. Right?

Seriously, it's like you're photoshopped. by nevermetawolf | 8K

"Oh my god," Stiles squeaks out again. "You're unbelievable."

Hot Bar Guy bobs his head agreeably. "I've been told that before, though usually people are more out of breath and less clothed when they say it."

Or, the Crazy, Stupid, Love AU nobody asked for.

A Lifetime of Laughter by the_problem_with_stardust | 15.4K | Mature

“Are you serious? Who in their right mind would marry me?”

“Well, you’re – you know – you.”

“Thanks. That clears everything up.”

The Beacon Hills version of a Proposal AU

We Pick Ourselves Undone | 24K

Derek Hale has been cursed with a wolf-like face since birth, which he can only be cured of by marrying a fellow high-society blueblood. Derek has little hope of ever finding anyone he can stand, or who can stand his face, until he meets Stiles, and his carefully-maintained isolation is completely upset.

[princecharmingmendes]

Heart by Heart | Chapter IV | Raul Mendes

                                                 *secret agent AU*

Y/N and Raul have been friends ever since they could remember. And falling in love with your best friend can be pretty tricky and messy 99% of the times, add that to the fact they're constantly risking their lives side by side on the field since they're both secret agents, and the best team that's ever existed. Perfect recipe for disaster.

Hi, this is the fourth chapter, you can find the first one here. This one's a bit shorter but I still hope you like it anyway. Please read the warnings on this one, if you don't feel comfortable with the contents listed on the "warnings" section, please read something else, there are a lot of other works on my masterlist and on the "fic rec" hashtag on my blog. Please give me some feedback and I hope you guys like. Happy Reading! 

                                              previous chapter | masterpost | next chapter 

*Word Count: 2.9K+.

*Warnings: cursing, jealousy, mentions of weapons (barely any), slight angst (if you squint). 

Please don’t read it if any of this subjects make you uncomfortable, feel free to check my masterlist for other writings. 

*Posted: July 22nd, 2021.

                                                  -*-

Raul was fucked. 

He learned that ages ago, but every passing day, it just seemed to get more and more fucked. 

Y/N was the most beautiful girl he’s ever laid eyes on, he knew that the day he met her all those years ago, while she was still a kid like him. And as the time went on, she proved him wrong every single day, every time he looked at her, in his eyes, Y/N surpassed her own beauty and taking her own title as the pretties one. Raul knew he was a goner the first time he made her laugh, truly laugh, throwing her head back as she almost lost her breath, he knew he would have to do it all over again for the rest of his life just to hear the most beautiful melody ever created. 

And maybe he was a fool, and obvious one for not even holding back whenever she was hurt or needed him. He would give Y/N anything in the world and he could be pretty reckless about it. Sure, Raul was capable of keeping it to himself all these years, even from his spy family and her, but Peter was slowly catching onto it and he knew it. There was a reason why Peter wasn’t a field agent and his not so subtle approaches only proved that right. But he honestly didn’t care, as long as he got to have her as his best friend and best girl, he didn’t give a fuck about what the rest of the world thought. He only cared about Y/N. 

So watching her progress on the ring (hell, having his ass kicked by her was probably the best thing that’s ever happened to him), watching Y/N taking part of such an important role as to plan the mission that would take down one of the biggest criminals on the world left him so proud. He couldn’t even describe it. Watching her sleep peacefully among his bedding, the glimmer of pure and utter happiness whenever she watched one of the marvel movies or ate her favorite cake made butterflies go wild in his stomach. 

And as Aaliyah would say, he was probably a simp for her. As sappy as that sounded, it was probably true. 

“Still with me, champ?” Y/N’s voice ringed on his coms.

Raul had to hold back a smile as Jack smirked at him on their watching point across the street “Always, doll, see anything?”

“Not really” she muttered annoyedly “think the package is late” 

“Oh, sorry the bad guy didn’t show up on the perfect time according to your planner”

“Fuck you, darling, before I forget”

Raul huffed a chuckle as he changed channels on the surveillance system she hacked the night prior. 

He was with Jack sitting on his apartment watching Y/N from the perfect window. The initial plan was pretty simple, Y/N would be dressed in casual common clothes, going through her computer on Genoff’s favorite coffee shop, to possibly catch him after coming back, so he could be used to some of their faces on his absence justifying new people around. Her undercover role was as a graphic designer that pretty much had a home office, which would justify her always being around that area. Tommy was the local barista trainee, summer job to pay for his scholarship, and this way he could hear some stuff and also be ready to jump and protect whoever was undercover there that day.

Celine was working on the front desk on Geonoff’s cover up business building, she was replacing the other girl that just left due to maternity leave, so it wouldn’t look suspicious at all. James got the work as an executive driver on a company that often was hired to transport Geonoff himself and his people, and Raul would also be on home office as a free lancer photographer, he’d be in an untitled relationship with Y/N which would be a good cover for them always being out and about together.

They would all be living in the same neighborhood, Peter and Celine would be living in the same apartment complex, which was just next doors to the one Jack, Y/N and Raul were placed. This way it would still be safe and pretty low profile enough to not draw curious eyes. And since the mission didn’t exactly have a precise deadline, they didn’t have a precise date to actually leave, so their flat was poorly furnished and decorated, filled with the ultimate basic things they could need in a month period. And of course, heavily armed in every corner and drawer anyone could think about.

“He just left his car two blocks away, think he might be just a bit behind your schedule, Y/N” Jack called from his place behind the screens she had set up the night before “Tommy, grab the cash register as soon as you can”

“Yes sir” Tom mumbled under his breath.

Raul inched a bit closer to the window on a spot no one could see him from bellow, watching as Geonoff himself entered the shop with two other man right behind him. Probably security team. He had to hold back his breath once he noticed the way the man had his eyes fixated right on Y/N’s table, before quietly muttering something to the other with him.

“Hm, excuse me miss?” a deep slightly hoarse voice caught her attention from the fake project displayed on her computer screen, Y/N looked up to find Geonoff right next to her booth.

“Oh hi”

“Why is he talking to her? He wasn’t supposed to just approach her!” Raul practically growled to Jack as the other just shrugged in response “fuck” 

“Dude, calm down, Tom is literally just across the bar and she’s a fucking spy, chill, she knows how to handle this” Jack said shoving Raul’s shoulder playfully, to which he just rolled his eyes huffing in annoyance.

“I know, I know that” 

Jack arched his eyebrow at him, a knowing smirk playing on his lips “Is this your way of admitting you love her?” 

“Shut up and pay attention to their conversation, you idiot” Raul said pushing his friend off of his sit. 

“I'm sorry, I just had to ask, I haven’t such a pretty girl like you around in a while, are you new in town, darling?” Geonoff asked leaning his hip against the sit across from Y/N.

“Oh no, not new in town” she responded with a giggle, trying to ease the nerves and slight nausea from talking to him and his half attempt of flirting “I moved to this neighborhood last month though, used to leave on the other side of the town” 

“Oh, was it for work? How are you liking this place so far?”

“It’s nice, I thought it was going to be quieter but it doesn’t really bother me” she said with a soft smile on her features “I moved here because I work from home, so I needed to get out of my last place cause my roommate was not exactly quiet, and my boyfriend said there was an available apartment on his floor, so it just seemed like a great opportunity” 

Raul’s heart raced a bit more on his chest when she referred to him as ‘boyfriend’, which was completely stupid. Y/N was his best friend and this was only for a cover. But sometimes his feelings got the best of him.

“Boyfriend? Is he here?”

“Oh no, I think he’s at work now, he’s a photographer”

“It makes sense, he has the prettiest muse at home” he added with a wink, which made Y/N’s stomach twirl in her tummy, this man is absolutely gross and she just wants to find a way out of this conversation “is he joining you today or should I keep you company?” 

“Tell him I’m on my way, sweetheart, don’t want this man any closer to you” Raul said through coms, Jack already grabbing his backpack with the material they had separated to be Raul’s cover as he threw a denim jacket and a pair of glasses.

Y/N gave Geonoff a gentle smile as she shrugged before adding “he told me he’d be coming here, something about the cupcakes being the best he’s ever had”

“Oh shut up, this is the worst excuse to get me to buy you cupcake ever” Raul muttered through coms as he jogged across the street and Y/N had to cough to hid a little giggle that threatened to escape at her best friend’s comment.

“Yeah, they’re really good, I think you’d like the chocolate one” 

“Okay, thank you for the tip” she said, quickly noticing the mop of curls clumsy coming into the shop, a big grin blossoming on her lips as she waved at the heaving figure of her best friend “oh, there he is!”

Raul’s eyes found hers and he could only smile, forgetting only momentarily that one of the most wanted man in the country was just beside her, he shook his head to gain a bit more focus as he shortened the distance between them with every step “hi baby” 

Y/N got up from her sit and was quick to throw her arms around his neck, as he did the same with her waist, planting a kiss to the crown of her head “Hi, honey this is… Oh my, just realized I never caught your name, I’m sorry, that was so rude”

“Geonoff, darling” he said with a smug smile on his lips, probably waiting some sort of reaction and proud of it.

And to Raul’s amusement, Y/N didn’t move a single muscle, didn’t give a single reaction, only offering a polite smile “Oh, nice name, I’m Y/N and this is my boyfriend, Raul”

“Beautiful name, suits such a gorgeous girl like you” he said, eyes on Raul waiting for some sort of response.

“Oh yeah, she doesn’t like it but I’ve always found it beautiful” he said softly.

“Well, I’ll leave you guys alone now, nice meeting the two of you” Geonoff said as his guards approached him with a paper bag “and Y/N, let me know if you need anything, I’m always around”

“Thank you” she said before pulling Raul to sit by her side on the booth as Geonoff walked out of the little shop “how was your day, honey?”

“Good, angel, got a couple of photos I think you’d like to see whenever we get home” he said throwing his arms around her shoulders, pulling her closer.

“You two are gross to watch” Jack grumbled through the coms making them both laugh.

Y/N turned her head to face him “you wanna go home to show me or you want to grab a cup of coffee first?”

“I think I want a bit of coffee, but we can order it to go, yeah?”

“Sure, whatever you want” Y/N said before sliding off the booth and pulling him with her, before stuffing her computer on her little backpack, which Raul promptly took from her.

“Come on, baby, can’t wait to lay down a bit” he ushered her to the register, where Tom waited patiently for them “hello there, I’d like an espresso please” 

“Sure, anything else?” Tommy asked as he clicked on the little screen.

“Do you want anything, baby?”

“A red velvet cupcake to go, please”

Tom nodded looking a little nervous before speaking up “the other man with the security guards left this note and cupcake for you, ma’am” he then grabbed the little pastry and a fancy business card alongside it.

“Oh, I- are you sure it was for me?” she asked in disbelief as Raul tightened his arm around her.

Tom only nodded in response “positive, do you still want the red velvet one?”

“I- yes, please” Y/N let out before almost chocking on air, gently grabbing the card that contained the business information from his company (that she already had) and a little handwritten phrase next to a phone number, the note read ‘if you’re ever looking for a real man, let me know’. 

“Someone’s got a crush on you” Raul teased trying to mask the anger bubbling up on his throat, but he knew she saw right through his facade. After all, Y/N knew him better than anyone else.

“Well, I feel bad for him, because I’m already taken, yeah?” she giggled at herself, lightly poking his chest to try and loosen his nerves a bit.

“Yeah, since I have you, know that I’m never letting you go” Raul pressed a kiss to her head huffing a small chuckle.

“Here it is, sir” Tom cut Raul out before handing him the paper bag, and he placed the money on Tom’s hand.

Raul offered a smile as he lead Y/N back to their place “Thank you, take care, kid” 

As they were crossing the street, Y/N dropped the cupcake from Geonoff on the sidewalk, making it look like an accident as she cried out an ‘oh no, I can’t believe I dropped it!’ before tossing it on the bin. On the elevator to their apartment, Raul still seemed tense and too quiet for his normal self, but Y/N decided to drop it, maybe give him some time to deal with today.

Just as they opened the door, Jack was quick to pull them inside, grabbing the card from Y/N’s hand and tossing it into a special bag and running downstairs, probably to deliver it to a team so they could take it to the lab to run some tests. Celine was stretched on the couch, a knowing look in her eyes as she signaled for them to join her. Raul went to the kitchen to grab a glass of water in complete silence as Y/N sank down on the soft cushions with Celine.

“What’s wrong with him?” she muttered quietly, since there were no walls separating the rooms on this flat, only the bedroom and bathroom and Raul was standing pretty close.

Y/N sighed with a shrug “No clue, maybe just didn’t expect the interaction to go like that, I don’t know”

“By the way, you did great, he even got interested in you” 

“Ew, no need to remind me, seriously that man is just gross, there’s something about him that’s just creepy, and I’m not even bringing up his criminal record” Y/N added grabbing a bottle water that Raul tossed at her after she nodded at him.

Celine nodded in understanding “Don't blame you, I think I would’ve punched him five seconds into talking”

“You wouldn’t last a single second with him talking” Jack said as he closed the door behind him.

Y/N and Celine laughed as Raul joined them on the couch, sitting on the armrest right behind Y/N as she leaned her weight on him. He threw an arm around her. 

“I think we should order a pizza and have some beer, yeah? This was a successful day, Tom’s gonna be here any minute now and Raul didn’t die out of jealousy in 24h, only reasons to celebrate!”

“Don’t start celebrating now, Jack, he might combust at any second now” Celine said with a laugh and Y/N giggled shaking her head, looking up at him only to see his serious expression and a light pink tinting his cheeks.

“So, pizza and beer it is?” Jack asked pulling his phone.

“I think it’s a great idea” Tom said as he climbed through the back window.

“Okay, Jack, order the pizzas and grab us the beer” Y/N decided and Jack stared at her in shock.

“Why me?!”

“So you can do something useful for once instead of gossiping” Raul said playfully and Y/N smiled at that as Jack feigned hurt with a dramatic gasp. 

“Well, there’s that and the fact that this genius idea belongs to you, doesn’t it?” Y/N asked 

Jack stared at her and nodded “Well yeah but-“

“Then make it happen, darling” Y/N only threw a wink at him and he shook his head, but grabbing his phone to start ordering. 

“Hey Tom, can I see the piece you brought back?” Celine asked without moving from her place on the couch. 

Y/N took the opportunity to properly face Raul since the others were seemingly busy, so she cupped his face gently bringing his attention down at her “are you okay?”

“Yeah, of course I am, doll” he said turning his face to place a kiss at the palm of her hand before looking back at her. 

“Are you sure? You didn’t seem fine five minutes ago”

“I just didn’t think he’d take such an interest on you so soon, I mean, you’re insanely gorgeous so it was obvious he was going to notice you, I guess I was just unconsciously hoping he wouldn’t” Raul sighed leaning his head against her hand and she let it slide on his face until she was able to curl her fingers on his hair “it’s stupid, I’m sorry, I was just being stupid yeah? Let’s focus on something else and relax”

“Are you sure?” she asked tugging on his hair a bit as he closed his eyes, nodding his head softly and she sighed “okay”

                                                  -*-

*Please reblog or like this post if you liked it so I’ll know.

*I’m sorry if there are any spelling mistakes.

*Please do not repost this without giving me the credit, this is a completely original piece and I do not give permission to copy this!

*Hope you guys enjoyed it!

*xoxo

-🌙

[harryspet]

𝓽𝓲𝓼 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓮𝓪𝓼𝓸𝓷 ... 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓭𝓪𝓻𝓴 𝓯𝓲𝓬𝓼

𝓽𝓲𝓼 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓮𝓪𝓼𝓸𝓷 ... 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓭𝓪𝓻𝓴 𝓯𝓲𝓬𝓼 

This December, for the holidays and to celebrate my followers, I’m giving readers a chance to request drabbles/one-shots but I’m also hoping some writers want to share the Holiday joy too! I have a list of dark prompts as well as holiday prompts so feel free to mix and match them however you like!

𝓇𝓊𝓁𝑒𝓈 & 𝑔𝓊𝒾𝒹𝑒𝓁𝒾𝓃𝑒𝓈 

You don’t have to follow me but it would be greatly appreciated!!

Please be courteous and only send one request especially if you’re using anon.

When sending a request, tell me the character(s) + 1-3 dialogue prompts (have fun combining them) + au idea (optional)

I prefer to write for (aged up) Peter Parker, Bucky Barnes or Steve Rogers. If you’d like to include MJ, Natasha, Thor, Loki, Wanda or Sam please combine them with those three. Threesomes and foursomes welcome ^^

Make these unique! If you just want pure angst, smut, or fluff then choose your prompts accordingly. I’m hoping people enjoy mixing the holiday prompts with the dark ones (though its not required) so please read through them all. There are a lot of good ones!!

Most of these will probably end up being around 300-700 words.

I write dark fics which means there may be mentions of violence, abuse, noncon/dubcon and just angst overall. If you have limits, please let me know.

I may reject your request if I feel it’s too similar to what I’ve already written or if you ignore the rules. I may also close requests if I get too many.

𝓘𝓯 𝔂𝓸𝓾'𝓻𝓮 𝓪 𝔀𝓻𝓲𝓽𝓮𝓻 and you’d like to write a drabble/one-shot using my lists then please let me know! I’ll be sure to give it a reblog and add it to my #fic recs if you tag me @harryspet​ and #tistheseasonfordarkfics. There’s no due date, just participate if you’re interested! :)

Don’t choose prompts with strikethroughs.

𝓻𝓮𝓺𝓾𝓮𝓼𝓽𝓼 𝓪𝓻𝓮: CLOSED

𝒹𝒶𝓇𝓀 𝓅𝓇𝑜𝓂𝓅𝓉��

“I wish I’d never met you.”

“Did you just stick your tongue out at me?”

“I’m done. We’re done.”

“Why are you fighting me?”

“I’ve never…they kept me untouched. For you”

“Did you just bite me?!”

“If I’m dead then how come you can see me?”

“It’s cute that you think you can defy me.”

“Duct tape. I need it for... taping something.”

“Why don’t you smile anymore?”

“Fuck you.”

“Your soul is mine.”

 “Looks like you need to be trained.“

“It’s not...not going to hurt, is it?”

“I don’t ... I don’t remember my name.”

“Did you see the way they looked at you?”

“How dare you challenge me.”

“I’ll let you go when I’m finished with you.”

“Hand Daddy his belt and take your shirt off.”

“I don’t like when they touch you.”

“Are you getting sore, all cooped up in that cage all day?”

“Shhh. It’s all right. I’ll be gentle.”

“Daddy wants to hear you sing a song. Sit on my lap and make Daddy happy.”

“Shit, are you crying? I didn’t mean to hit that hard!”

“You can’t take people as property!”

“I feel like you’re taking advantage of me.”

“So … uh.. who is that person … they keep texting you?”

“Fuck, I love you like this, all rounded with our child…”

“You wouldn’t want him/her/them finding out about this, would you?”

“You haven’t earned it. What are you going to do for me?”

“Stop crying.”

“You’re not in trouble, sweetheart.”

“I’ve been looking for you all night, and you are in desperate need of my help.”

“And the hunter becomes the hunted.”

“They hurt you and I’m going to hurt them back.”

“Never steal anything from someone you can’t outrun, kid.”

“Hands off, alpha. Never learn any self-control?”

“Can i stay at your place tonight? I don’t feel safe here.”  

“I really think you need to see a doctor.”

“Everything that happened is your fault.”

“You...you were never supposed to find out.”

 “Well, hello beautiful!”

“You want to what? That’s embarrassing!”

“You look a little lost, omega.”

“We need to talk...about the pregnancy.”

“Oh, did someone get lonely?”

𝒽𝑜𝓁𝒾𝒹𝒶𝓎 𝓅𝓇𝑜𝓂𝓅𝓉𝓈

 "Excuse me—where is my Christmas kiss?"

"I made you some hot cocoa."

''I just want you for my own.''

"You didn't have to get me anything."

“I don't remember the last time I truly enjoyed Christmas."

"Go on, open it."

"Did you spike the eggnog?"

"I can't believe you did that to Santa..."

“You're my best Christmas present this year.”

“How many Christmas lights does one person need?”

 “Shut up! Santa is real.”

“I hate winter.” 

“Aren’t you just Santa’s Little Helper?”

“Son of a nutcracker!”

"You didn’t bring date to the party, did you? Because I need someone to kiss at midnight."

 “No you don’t understand, I need a picture with Santa!”

“I can’t reach the top of the tree to put the star on.”

 “Oh the weather outside is frightful.”

“This is our first Christmas together and I want it to be special.”

“Don’t you dare buy me that.”

“Tell me what you want for Christmas.”

“Fuck it let’s just get drunk.”

 “We can build a snowman.”

“What no, that’s not daddy, that’s Santa”

“Maybe if I kiss you, you’ll feel warmer.” 

 “I can not believe the car broke down in the middle of nowhere 3 hours before it’s officially Christmas.”

“...I think we’re snowed in...”

“I hate work Christmas parties.”

“What do you mean you’re working on Christmas?!”

 “I refuse to have a baby on Christmas.”

“Call me an elf one more time!”

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year.”

 “I’m freezing, you’re warm. Hug me.”

“I don’t even have a family to celebrate with, so what’s the point?“

“Forbid Christmas? No one can forbid Christmas.”

“We can add a special ornament to the collection each year. This year's is for our future baby.”

“I’m not going to kiss you under the mistletoe.”

“Remind me why I can’t kill the carolers?”

“No one should be alone on Christmas!”

 “So you’re going to dress up as Santa.”

“You burnt the holiday cookies!”

“Wanna go skating in Central Park?”

“How can you possibly look good with snow in your hair?”

“If you throw that snowball you’re declaring war”

“You didn’t really think I’d let you spend Christmas alone, did you?”

This list is a compilation of a bunch of starters I found on tumblr so you may recognize quotes from movies and songs! I reblogged a lot of the original posts on my side blog @parkerspet​.

𝒶𝓊 & 𝓈𝑒𝓉𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒾𝒹𝑒𝒶𝓈 (optional)

Arranged marriage au - Angel/demon au - Assassin au - Apocalypse au - Android au - Amnesia au - Babysitter au - Bodyguard au - Bookstore au - Baker au - Band au - Bounty hunter au - Brothel au - Camp Counselor au - Camping au - College au - Criminal au - Caregiver/Little au - Doctor au - Domestic au - Enemies au - Ex au - Forbidden Love au - Fugitive au - Gang au - Hero/Villian au - Immortal au - Kidnapped au - Mafia au - Maid au - Marriage au - Neighbor au - A/B/O au - Porn Star au - Prostitute au - Royalty au - Serial Killer au - Stalker au - Stripper au - Tattoo Shop au - Werewolf au - Yandere au

tagging all the fics #tistheseasonfordarkfics and #harryspetrequests !

𝓼𝓮𝓷𝓭 𝓶𝓮 𝓼𝓸𝓶𝓮 𝓹𝓻𝓸𝓶𝓹𝓽𝓼

tagging some authors :) @cherienymphe @andybarberslxt @mypoisonedvine @nsfwsebbie @darkficsyouneveraskedfor @mcudarklibrary​ @opheliadawnwalker3 @autumnrose40 @marvelmaree @thecutestlittlebunbunfairy @buckysbunny @buckybarnesplumwhore @honeyloverogers @mariessecretfantasies @mrwinterr @yanderepeterparker @raisincookieswrites​

[canmom]

Toku-adjacent Tuesday 21: Bong Joon-Ho

안녕 친구들! Tonight we’re going to South Korea! or more specifically, we’re going to be checking out some films by a well known South Korean director, Bong Joon-Ho (봉준호).

The impetus for this is mostly that although Joon-Ho’s a very well respected director all around the world (with Parasite causing enough of an impact that the rich people it targets started feeling the need to praise it ironically), and many people have recced The Host to me, I have yet to see his films outside of Snowpiercer! So this one’s being really an excuse to give myself an overdue education in Korean films, because the ones I’ve seen have been p amazing.

(The first one I saw was Oldboy dir. Park Chan-Wook at university - it left a hell of an impact though honestly I wasn’t yet in a place to really appreciate it. It may be ironic given the recent commitment to being a kind of overt guro girl but it took me a long time to appreciate gore and transgressive content like that in movies - today it probably wouldn’t even seem that big a deal when the guy eats an octopus and is tricked into fucking his sister but back then it was like whoah they make movies like this!? Years later, I watched Snowpiercer - which I could appreciate was an excellent and intense movie, but my critical faculties were so undeveloped that I had to have ‘the train is capitalism’ pointed out to me. And some years after that I watched The Handmaiden, also dir. Chan-Wook, with a really sexually pushy trans girl who was honestly much more interested in getting me to suck her off, and who I later fell out with me after I refused to take her islamophobic rant. Not quite the ideal viewing circumstances in any of these cases! Now I’ve gotten way more into film in general, so I’m looking forward to finding out what I’ve been missing all these years.)

Later we did an Animation Night on Korean animation! The list was sadly pretty sparse compared to say France/Japan, since the Korean animation industry largely exists to provide cheap services for overseas studios, which is pretty much the basis of ‘American’ animation today. But there were some very beautiful interesting entries like Sky Blue/Wonderful Days, notable as the starting point of the animators who would go on to give AtlA/Korra such life, and the Ghibliesque Yobi the Five-Tailed Fox. There is another side of Korean animation more akin to live-action film which gave us projects like The Preacher or zombie movie Seoul Station, which we might yet cover another time.

Anyway, tonight the focus is specifically on Bong Joon-Ho.

A brief background: Joon-Ho grew up during the days of the American-backed military dictatorship in South Korea, and as a student (of sociology) participated in the 1987 popular movement that overthrew it in favour of liberal democracy. (The Americans really don’t like to talk about that period of South Korean history since it doesn’t really fit their preferred narrative of ‘crazy cultist north, enlightened americanised south’...) In the early 90s, he did his compulsory military service and then returned to education, and started experimenting with film:

Bong later co-founded a film club named "Yellow Door" with students from neighboring universities.[10] As a member of the club, Bong made his first films, including a stop motion short titled Looking for Paradise and 16 mm film short titled Baeksaekin (White Man).[10] He graduated from Yonsei University in 1995.[10]

Following this, he went to film school and started submitting his films to film festivals. After graduating, he spent the late 90s in various miserable low-paid positions at the bottom of the film industry.

He began directing his own film in the 2000s, starting with Barking Dogs Never Bite (2000), a dark comedy about a man who tortures dogs. This gradually became popular on the film festival circuit, with word of mouth spreading about this cool new Korean director; the same applied to his next film, a serial killer horror Memories of Murder (2003), scaling up production and finding a warm reception at film festivals.

His first really big film was The Host (2006), which takes us to perhaps somewhat familiar territory of Toku Tuesday - a monster disaster movie, which has been described to me as putting the lie to all the ‘rules’ of how horror is supposed to be shot (e.g. that you shouldn’t show the monster too much), and was a huge success both in Korea and at film festivals. It’s as much about geopolitics as the monster, especially the ongoing American military occupation of Korea (who rush to quarantine people who made contact with the monster to hide their responsibility) - much like in southern Japan, but even more so given the sabre-rattling with the North, being a client country for American military bases is not fun for the, well, host population (¬¬).

The next few years, he appeared in various short film anthologies such as Tokyo! (2008) in which he directed a short about a hikikomori and 3.11 A Sense of Home (2011) in the aftermath of the March 11 earthquake that hit Japan. He also directed a fourth feature film, Mother (2009), portraying “a doting mother who struggles to save her disabled son from a murder accusation”.

The next major development came in 2013 with the American co-production Snowpiercer, adapting a French band dessinée Le Transperceneige (1982) by Jacques Lob and Jean-Marc Rochette. It portrays a micro-society on a globe-circling train in the aftermath of a climate apocalypse (terribly French huh) and a revolution led by the underclass at the back of the train. I can actually talk a bit more about this one since I’ve seen it! Alongside its beautifully stylised axe violence, the movie is quite in your face with its metaphors: the underclass brutally tortured and forced to eat bugs, the childrens’ bodies replacing parts of the machine, the concept of a periodic revolution as a population cull; it also makes a strong case that, even though this train is believed to be the only thing keeping people alive, the right thing to do is to stop it and leave for the barely glimpsed possibility of life outside the train.

Which if you’re sensing a theme... yeah this guy’s movies are 1. violent and 2. very overtly political, which seems to be the case for a lot of Korean films. His next film, Okja (2017), continued the trend with a girl trying to get back her pet genetically modified ‘super pig’ from the meat industry; but his biggest success came just two years ago...

Parasite! It won a ton of awards including like four oscars, it was all over the news for a while, rich people had to pretend they liked it even though they are fully its targets, and somehow I never saw it at the time RIP. Well tonight we remedy that... I have avoided reading too much about this film because I would like to be surprised by its various turns.

Watching these trailers I’m constantly struck by how clearly lit and well shot Joon-Ho’s films are, which I guess is in part like, being a major director in the HD era, but damn they do look very nice in fact. Perhaps we can credit some of that to inspiration from Del Toro; he also cites Nagisa Ōshima, whose work I admit I’m not at all familiar with but at least going off that article definitely seems to share a thematic interest in making deliberately challenging, political films about social conflict, xenophobia etc.

The actors who work with him describe him as a very precise and confident filmmaker, knowing exactly what he wants to use in the edit, adjusting the camera between cuts, and shooting very little extra footage; conversely he is described as less strict as an acting director, preferring to let the actors apply their own expertise. But at this point I’m just copying interesting things I saw on Wikipedia so let’s leave it lol.

I am increasingly thinking when I do these writeups that I’m sort of automatically falling into a kind of auteur theory which attributes just about all the good and bad qualities of film to its director, unless I happen to have an anecdote to say otherwise. This is I suppose in part deliberately shaped by the film industry - a director’s name is a marketing tool after all - and it’s a helpful scaffolding for learning about the people who make this art I consume, but it’s not really how I believe films (inherently group projects) work. There’s a kind of cultish attitude to ‘big name’ directors which obviously allows all kinds of abuses to take place, they become like... unapproachable symbols rather than merely people like us who ended up in a place to control the whole filmmaking machinery.

But I’m not sure how to address this problem without setting myself a great deal more homework I don’t have time to do. Still filmmaking has fully become a special interest, and I really need to start digging into film theory to find out the other models people have come up with to process these weird, massively labour intensive social artefacts. (I kind of wonder what people would do if we had to come up with an all new categorisation of films without knowing anything about the directors, genres, studios etc. behind them.)

So like the Korean film industry is known for its hard-hitting, violent, socially conscious movies; how much is that associated with one or two guys like Joon-Ho who happened to get big at the right time, and how much can be attributed to whatever sort of social factors, etc. etc.? Probably unanswerable, you might as well ask why anime happened in Japan (i.e. why animation attained its unusual cultural place there) and not somewhere else, it’s something you can argue about til the end of days.

Anyway, Joon-Ho’s directed enough films all around the two hour mark that we’ll definitely need multiple nights to cover them all, so tonight I’m going to pick out The Host and Parasite and see if I can dig up a few of his short films; next time we come round to him,  I’m looking forward to going back to the older ones on the list. If that sounds fun, please join me at twitch.tv/canmom in two and a half hours at 7pm UK time! In the meantime I will be drawing some animation frames so feel free to drop by~

Also if anyone has an idea for a new name for this film night I’m all ears! I don’t want to restrict myself to special effects movies, so even if we argue that there can be non-Japanese toku films, there’s stuff that isn’t under that umbrella I’d like to cover. So it’s gonna be something like ‘international live-action film Tuesday’, but that’s not as pithy as Animation Night!

[sweetsubharry]

do you have any friends to lovers au full of fluffy?

Yes I do!! It is a favourite of mine so be warned there’s 36 fics in this rec!! Isn’t friends to lovers fluff just the best??  💖

Please stay safe and read the tags!!

It's A Start by Magiic_Shop

“This is dangerous, love,” Louis smirked, his lips pressed against Harry’s shoulder blade.

“Why’s that?” Harry asked.

“Because,” Louis’ smirk grew into a smile, “I might never want to let you go.”

Harry shifted against Louis, reaching up to cover Louis’ hand on his stomach with his own, “Then don’t.”

--

Or, the one where Harry can't sleep at night, and because of that, neither can Louis. Louis thinks it could be the start of something.

everything i can arrange, every part of me you change by orphan_account

“Don’t you try that shit with me,” Niall spits the second he reaches Louis, pulling off the hood with force. “What the hell is this?” He plops down next to Louis on the empty bleacher and unceremoniously pushes a sheet of crumpled paper in his face.

Netflix and Chill Buddy Application

It’s like no matter how hard Louis tries, he can’t seem to run away from this stupid fucking flyer. All the girls (and some of the boys) in every one of his classes have been talking about it all week. It’s on every wall of every building on campus. Louis went for a jog last night and he nearly tripped and died over a loose one on the football track.

[Harry needs a big spoon and Louis refuses to let anyone steal his position. Based on this post.]

One Plus One Is Also One (Sometimes) by justgotowisharder

“Dear Mrs. Sissy,” Anne read out loud and Harry only wanted the ground to swallow him up, “you asked me to write about my hero but I don’t have a hero, I have a superhero. Superheroes are better and have superpowers. My superhero is Louis Tomlinson.”

(Or the one where Louis Tomlinson isn’t really a superhero, but he’ll always do everything on his power to protect his baby Harry)

Love You But I Gotta Let Go by FallingLikeThis

Harry’s father is never going to be satisfied with anything that he does. But maybe that’s okay when his best friend is there, always cheering him on anyway.

Prompt 947: The despair of ever living up to his standards.

Pour Your Heart Out by hrrytomlinson

Louis is his soulmate. Or at least Harry thinks he is. Louis feels the same as Louis. But there are a lot of people named Louis in the world and this Louis might not be the Louis. It’s besides the point though, because Harry knows he can’t allow himself to get close to any boys. He just can’t and he’s told himself this multiple times. He has to simply stay away from Louis Tomlinson. But he can’t. Harry Styles can never stay away from Louis Tomlinson. It’s physically impossible for him to. 

Take This Sinking Boat and Point It Home by goodgirlfaith (boomersoonerash)

Five times Louis Proposes to Harry and the one time he doesn't.

Just Ask Me To by TellMeThisIsNotLove

“You’re telling the truth,” Louis whispers.

“Of course I’m telling the truth!” Harry doesn’t even care that he sounds exasperated.

“Oh my god.” Louis grabs the wall behind him as if looking for support. His body slides down against it until he’s sitting crouched on the floor.

He mumbles something but Harry can’t really figure out what it is. He crouches down, and looks desperately at the breaking boy in front of him.

“You’re telling the truth,” Louis whispers. “You were not supposed to–”

“I was not supposed to do what? Tell me please,” Harry urges, taking Louis’ hands gently in his.

Or the X Factor era canon fic where they learn how to be a couple and that not everyone is going to be on their sides especially those with plain white t-shirts and saccharine smiles.

Burning Skies by emeraldharry 

They both watched as ice and fire danced across their palms, hypnotized by the small things they could do with their powers. Snowflakes swirled around each other as the mist twisted about like a small tornado, while the fire in Louis' hands swayed and twirled gracefully—bright and warm and beautiful.Before, Harry couldn't even think of touching him with the fear of turning his skin to ice. Now, he knew that Louis wasn't some ordinary human to shy away from. Louis was bright, fiery flames, a body of powerful waves of heat. Louis was everything he was not, his polar opposite, but it was all the more reason that they fit together just right.or[Mutant au: Harry likes to think he's normal. Except, normal boys don't freeze everything they touch. Louis thinks he's perfect just the way he is and shows him just that. Zayn is a telekinetic, Liam is a rising YouTube star, and Niall is the best human best friend there is.]

I see the love light in your eyes by larrycaring

For as long as Harry can remember, Louis has always been his best friend.

There are a few constant things in Harry’s life: his family, this town he’s grown up in, and Louis.

He had his other friends, of course, but Louis had always been and still was the person that Harry was closest to. Maybe it was due to the fact that they live next to each other, and that, since the first night they’d talked, when he and Louis shared a conversation on their conjoining roofs, they instantly hit off, and a friendship developed. Or maybe it was that Louis was always so cheeky, almost the opposite of Harry, but it complimented Harry’s slow and thoughtful way of life perfectly. Either way, it just kind of happened.

or an AU where Louis and Harry are very much in love. Featuring football & late night rendezvous.

you fit me better than my favourite sweater by brightbluelou

Harry didn't mean to fall in love with his best friend, and he definitely didn't mean to get pregnant. Despite that, it’s probably still the best thing that’s ever happened to him. And after that, well. It just kept getting better.

or; the one where Harry and Louis are friends-with-benefits and Harry unexpectedly gets pregnant. Harry never wants to stop getting pregnant after that, but Louis thinks seven kids is probably enough.

put your head on my shoulder by wayfared

Niall gives Harry until the end of marching season to either a) make a move on Louis Tomlinson or b) get the fuck over him. Either is easier said than done. Basically, your High School AU with a drum beat.

My Only Sunshine by DontLetHimGo

Harry and Louis have known each other since the start of everything.

When Harry is only a few weeks old, and Louis is two, the older boy is immediately intrigued by the little person in the carry cot. Jay knows that it will be difficult to keep her son away from her best friend's little boy.

baby, hold on to my heart by icaarusfalls

Here was the dilemma: Louis and Harry were out with their mates window shopping because there was nothing else to do and Louis brought an antique ring, hoping to pawn it off to get some quick cash. It was a small, old thing, all rusted and gold, but it had its charm. The owner didn't take it because of the minuscule crack down the middle of the jewel, so Louis just shrugged and handed it to Harry without a thought.

—•—

Louis gives Harry a ring as a joke, but Harry starts wearing the ring everywhere he goes.

So Put Your Hands In (The Holes of My Sweater) by Kat_rawr

“Are you gonna kiss me then?” He asks so quiet he isn’t even sure Louis heard him.

“I think it’s bad luck if I don’t.“ Louis’ breath is hot on Harry’s skin in the cold air. They stand in the dark; Louis’ face only lit up by the yellow-ish light from the street light a few metres away. The light over the door of their building hasn’t worked in years.

“Okay,” Harry says, and of course his cheeks heat up. There are definitely butterflies in stomach and his mouth is definitely dry.

or,

Harry and Louis go on a lot of not-dates.

It's the Sun In Your Eyes by Bearandleonardwrite

Harry's not the best with relationships. Then he finds Louis.

(Basically; Harry's insecure and hurt, but Louis loves him anyways and knows how to help.)

Sun-Dappled by QuickedWeen

Louis and his best friend Harry are in their seventh year at Hogwarts, facing down their future together. Louis has been in love with his best friend for as long as he can remember, and he begins to feel a sense of urgency as the second semester begins. Finally he hatches a plan to tell Harry about his feelings on Harry's birthday.

Stop Making Tired Excuses by midnightskies

Louis hates many things; cold tea, countdown, tuesdays, and university, but most of all he absolutely, categorically despises Eric Davidson, current boyfriend of Harry Styles. 

nonstop earthquake dreams of you by lumineres

And there's heat behind it, blazing, plasmatic, like stars crashing together, like an explosion in space, like a supernova, like a black hole--everything else sucked out of existence. There's no bed and there's no pillow and they're not lying down, just floating somewhere, somehow, and there's no room and there's no X Factor house and there's no Niall snuffling or Liam's deep, even breathing and there's no wind or traffic outside and there's no hum of the heating unit and it's all just Louis. All encompassingly Louis.

or, harry falls hard and finds louis already at the bottom

every december (your star lights the sky) by larrystomlinsons

Louis needs a date for the Christmas dance and Harry is the wingman that has feelings for him.

Counting The Steps Between Us by zarah5

AU. So, yeah. That year abroad helped Harry establish that he is in love with his best friend. Now, if Louis would stop treating him like a little brother, that would be awesome. (Additional ingredients: a collapsing tree house, a lot of pining, the other three boys as Louis' new best mates from university, and a camping trip. Serve hot.)

waiting on the sun by midnights

A third year counselor at Camp Weehawken, Louis just wants to get through the summer without accidentally professing his love to Harry during movie night.

ft. night swimming, lots of cuddles, and even more fluff.

Right From the Start (You Know I Got You) by FallingLikeThis

Louis grows up protecting Harry. Harry loves him for it.

Let Me Give You My Life by midnightskies

Gemma has one rule for Louis while he stays with her family at Christmas; not to hook up with her little brother, so of course that's the one thing Louis does.

deep in my heart i know there's only you by ballsdeepinjesus

"Will you do it?” Harry whispers. Louis has to lean closer just to hear him. He furrows his brows and shakes his head, not knowing what Harry means. “Would you donate for me?”

Louis is dumbfounded. “I’m sorry, I thought you just asked if I’d donate my sperm. Can you repeat yourself?”

[harry and louis are best friends who engage in some platonic baby-making. very platonic.]

You Are The View by larryftnoctrl

Louis is running out on time for his photography assignment and Harry looks lovely in red. It only made sense.

the most beautiful thing by sunflowergolden

“Well, I came prepared of course. I actually have a full on suit with me.”He had to be joking. “Lou, you have to be joking. There’s no way you took a full on suit with you all the way from the States.”“I was raised right, H. You never know when you’re going to need it, so you take it with you. In case a cute boy asks you out.”or, the one where louis and harry have been friends for a while, but they live 5.404 miles away from each other, and louis goes to stay with harry for a week

Take Me As I Am by lovelarry10

“Suppressant? But… why would I need a suppressant? Alphas don’t take suppressants.”

“You’re right, they don’t.”

****

Secrets. Lies. Deception. Betrayal. Self-discovery.

Alpha. Omega. How far will they go to hide the truth?

don't call me baby by 28sunflowers

A short and cliché roommates AU inspired by To Be So Lonely, where they’re both oblivious to each other’s feelings and Harry gets sad and jealous over nothing. It works out in the end.

Spin Me Like A Record by zarah5

Uni AU. Sometimes, Louis poses as Harry’s boyfriend. It doesn’t mean anything. Really.

Take a lover who looks at you like maybe you are magic by larrycaring

Call him hopelessly romantic, but Harry was convinced Louis was the one for him. He had never really believed in love at first sight until his special person had come along and stolen his heart. And really, as soon as he had first met Louis on the train, Harry had felt something. Their love, at first sight, had started when they had met, and it had never ended since they had found each other. Harry hadn’t known it back then, of course, but even during his first encounter with Louis, he had felt that fluttering feeling from deep down inside, when Louis had first smiled at him. It had been like gravity had moved, and nothing had mattered more than him.

or even in a magical world, Louis and Harry's love is the most magical and beautiful thing in the world, Zayn is the smart Ravenclaw who falls for his best friend, Liam's true feelings are revealed and Niall is Niall.

or my first Larry Hogwarts AU that I just had to write.

Close your eyes (and let the word paint a thousand pictures) by larrycaring

They were attached at the hip as soon as they met on the Hogwarts Express. They became good friends within the first week of school, and from that day on, Harry just kind of snuck his way right into Louis’ heart. It’s just his charming side, his genuine and caring personality, his stupid puns (and now pick-up lines) that make Louis laugh his ass off, and his bravery and determination. His endless support and loyalty, his friendship… Everything about him, Louis loves. Merlin’s beard, he’s truly gone for him. And he doesn’t know how to tell Harry.

or another Hogwarts AU where Harry thinks it’s a good idea to use cheesy pick-up lines to reveal his feelings to Louis.

Faking It by TheCellarDoor

A uni AU in which Louis has been Harry’s best friend since he offered him cubed fruit on the playground, and they spend more time cuddling in their dorm beds than they do apart, but it’s not like that. Or is it?

Aka Harry pretends to date his best friend to escape unwanted attention from a too insistent classmate and hopes it won’t blow up in his face. Featuring embarrassing dildo accidents, awkward boners, longing, first times, late night conversations, emotional discoveries and Niall as the exasperated friend with bad advice.

Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow by 1Diamondinthesun

Harry spends most of his time in an empty house or a lonely darkroom, dreaming of leaving his small town for art school. He's invisible to most people. And then Louis Tomlinson sees him. Life will never be the same.

Or, the American high school AU loosely inspired by She's All That.

A Real Work of Art by lululawrence

“I don’t understand,” Liam said for probably the fiftieth time in ten minutes. “You have to explain again how this is a bad thing.”

“Leeeeyummm,” Harry whined into the phone as he leaned his head onto his desk. “I felt like this year was my year for getting his attention, you know? That senior year I would finally get Logan Thompson to realize I exist! But he’s in almost every single one of my classes, Li. How am I supposed to survive that?”

“Easily,” Liam answered, with the same matter of fact tone his voice always took when Harry was in one of his fits. “He doesn’t know you exist, so it shouldn’t be a problem. Right?”

Or the one where Harry calls on an old friend, the super popular Louis Tomlinson, to help him change his look to capture the heart of Logan. Things only mostly go as planned.

wanna taste your heart, don't interfere by orphan_account

Harry still remembers how unsure he felt when he first told Louis, how self-conscious he was. Louis had been nothing but understanding and kind, though, reassuring him that nothing’s going to change between them, that they’re still best friends regardless of sex. Harry had been mostly relieved at that, because he really doesn’t want to lose Louis as a friend over this, but another part of him had been a bit sad because… well, because nothing changed between them. Or rather, there is change, but it’s completely one-sided as far as Harry can tell.

This change being him not getting enough of the way Louis smells. He just can’t help it, is the thing, unable to stop himself from trying to subtly press his nose against the fabric of Louis’ shirt by his shoulders. He still smells like faint cologne and sweat, which is enough to make Harry start feeling slightly dizzy.

(harry presents as an omega, louis is his alpha best friend, and there are hidden feelings that just get harder to control.)

Picture Perfect by LittleBubbleStyles

an AU where Louis Tomlinson is a misunderstood football player, and Harry Styles is a misunderstood photographer. Somehow, they're understood together.

this is a wip but it is updated regularly, almost finished, and I highly recommend it!!

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

there's been an uptick in people asking if they can do tuesdayposts too (yes, hi hello yes, my god, please do i want to read them, the format isn't copyrighted or anything) which made me think about how i use the tuesdayposts as an excuse to go looking for weird shit and why i'm so annoyed when something is recommended to me but the rec doesn't give me a good pitch. this grew into a digression about the function of a critic and what i use reviews for. and what like axes of things i find important or what i use various sources for. so it's a separate post now bc there's not a real...point to it, mostly getting my thoughts in order. also it is very long

while i would not wish the title of "culture critic" upon my worst enemy, let's sidestep “oooh all critics/tastemakers/influencers are bullshit”. imo you’re supposed to find one whose taste aligns with yours and THEN use their reviews to find new things. if my taste aligns with yours, cool! if you're just here to see what weird shit i made or pulled out of an estate sale this week, also cool!

i think the most successful discussion of a work is "what is it/what's the pitch, what is it TRYING to do given the context of the time and people who created it, does it accomplish its goals or tell its story in a coherent fashion" and then finally what i think most people get most hung up on is "do I PERSONALLY think this work accomplished its goals or storytelling in a manner i found reasonable/understandable/liked".

i really, really, really hate the style of review that tells me nothing about the work except there's a token gay person in it. i saw zero useful reviews of OFMD before i gave up and watched the first ep myself.

here are some people who fulfill the above useful criteria, i pay attention to, and why their recs work for me: gita jackson, a culture/games critic over at vice knows the difference between a movie being Good and a movie being Fun, and is a queer person under 30 with a film degree so our needs align on several important axes. so i waited to watch the rpatz batman until they wrote an article and they said if it was fun or not.

cyberexboyfriend on instagram and i think mainly tiktok (lots of crossposts) has opinions i agree with about mcmansion architecture, and an eye for the weird late eighties through early oughts fashion and art that fell through the cracks. like the media that fuels the Extremely Online art i generally find annoying, but the source media of edited anime or fantasy movie screencaps on tshirts is generally pretty cool. this fills an important function to me bc i like going "ah! i know where that's from" when i see a hot girl in joanns wearing a shirt from vapor95.

i follow exactly four people on letterboxd and they are the aforementioned critics plus two mutuals bc i already know their general media tastes align with mine. wendy @dying-suffering-french-stalkers is very very good at finding things that have a certain quality of emotion to them. not full horror, not full tragedy, and not full melancholia either, but a catharsis or a putting an era to bed gently and turning the lights out when you're done. honey @birdcfparadise is willing to sit through a lotta goddamn nonsense in order to report back about the good ones and we both have a finely honed taste in the dilfs of the silver screen. where the fuck else am i going to get vital intelligence like this

furthermore these two are the only people i trust about Classic Movie (tm) Opinions. like, they will tell me if a movie that is very much a Product of its Era (tm) is worth sitting through the things that make it very much a Product of its Era (tm). i haunt the letterboxd activity page to see what they've added to their watchlists

i pay more attention to @morrak's book recs and shove them to the front of my list bc we have the same not-quite-engineer-but-enough-to-be-dangerous kind of brain and literally all of his recs have hit, including the ones where i'm like "ough this is very good but i need to come back to it later". i pay more attention to whatever the fuck @believerindaydreams is up to be we both like the same sort of heavily allusive, love letter to pulp kinds of stories.

my point is not "everyone needs to make more friends and if you don't have a richly layered online friend group of nearly a decade in some cases funneling art to you through the medium of tumblr then you're toast" but like. along with critics, friends' recs and things i found while trying to find friends' recs are a huge driver of the tuesdayposts. people fundamentally want to share the cool new shit they've found. that's why we're all here, blogging

[kashimos-hajime]

dear... whoever | b.b.

summary: a mandated series of long and short diary entries from the new head of R&D for Stark Industries. 

WARNINGS: swearing, LOTS of fluff, mentions of drinking and sex and hospitals and guns, general fun and witty attitude, small angst, big jealousy, obviously au after civil war. everything after does not exist. pairing: bucky barnes x fem!reader word count: 9.5k

a/n: written for @softbiker​ and 100% inspired by @sunmoonandbucky​ with the format. my prompt was let me love you by rita ora and i wrote it from the perspective the singer is singing it to rather than the actual singer. this was super fun to write. enjoy!

July 31/20

Dear…

Whoever is going to read this. So… me, in the future probably. So, it should be dear WHOMever, I think, but it sounds wrong.

Is it too cliché to say dear diary? I don’t know. After all, I don’t WANT to be writing this but unfortunately I am because it’s mandated. Apparently, the psychiatrist that works for Stark Industries thinks it’s necessary that I write down my feelings and show that I’ve adjusted to working part-time superhero, full-time head of Tony’s stupid R&D department.

Something about how that much stress can cause psychotic fractures in the worst case scenario.

Cute.

Anyway, I don’t know what to write. Currently, it’s 4:23AM. The only reason I’m awake is because I have trouble sleeping on the best night. I heard Barnes messing about and because I am the Hermit of the Rec Room Couch (catchy, I know), I can hear him just walking about.

What the hell is he even doing?

To be honest, I’ve never talked to Barnes besides the occasional greetings because he’s the sort to keep to himself, I guess, and, valid. I’m not saying it’s not, considering his history, but you know.

I think I’m a friendly person, and I’m bored. He’s eventually going to hear me writing noisily because of super-soldier hearing or whatever, so I might just get up and introduce myself.

Not that I’ve been working here for years, but whatever.

I’m really bored and hungry, honestly, so a trip to the kitchen would be considered normal (and warranted) in such circumstances.

Fuck it.

Time to make a new friend or die trying. If you never hear from me again, you’ll know why.

.

Aug. 1/20

Dear Jane,

I finally got the time to write in here and you may be wondering why I have named you. Well, after the conversation at roughly 4:30 AM, here are things that’ve changed in a disorganized list. None is more important than the other. I'm just writing what comes to my head.

One: Barnes said he doesn’t really let anyone call him James. I called him James once because I forgot. Profuse apologies followed. He said it was okay and didn’t mind me calling him that. Now, in my mind, I think he’s just saying this to be polite and really just wants me to call him Bucky but he seemed sincere. We’ll see how it goes.

Two: Barnes was awake because his cat woke him up. I didn’t even know he had a cat but it’s a gorgeous white cat named Alpine that Barnes carries around in his half-zipped up hoodies sometimes. It’s adorable. He’s super soft and friendly and I love him already. He showed me all the tricks Alpine could do. Amazing.

Three: Barnes’ favourite movie is the Godfather. Totally surprising there. Please tell me you understand sarcasm.

Four: He said he liked the name Jane when I told him what I was doing up and also in the rec room (couldn’t sleep, writing in my diary) and that I didn’t want to say “Dear diary”

“Why don’t you just give it a name?” he eloquently suggested and Jane was his answer to my question of “Which name?”

Five: Barnes, or James, I guess he is now, is my friend.

Six: We said we’d meet up at 4:30AM or earlier again because I told him I wanted to show him my s’mores dip recipe.

Seven: Wish me luck. Hope I don’t get murdered.

Eight: I think I might be in love with him.

Bye.

.

Aug. 5/20

Dear Jane,

In an effort to summarize what has happened in the past four days, I will open with the fact that James Buchana Barnes is the cutest motherfucker on the planet. He’s super old fashioned, but that’s a given. He opens the doors for me, offers to take my bags up, and in the past four days, we’ve met up at around midnight to just eat and chat. Then he walks me back to my room with a glass of water and I’m left fanning myself because it’s so sweet and he’s so sweet and OH, MY GOD, I am a child.

This feels like a crush. Like, butterflies in my stomach, self-conscious every time he looks at me, can’t stop staring, and wanting to impress him at every turn sort of crush.

AKA, a middle-school crush and I feel completely ridiculous but that is besides the point because he’s just the loveliest person.

Someone should tell him chivalry is dead. Steve thinks he’s just being sweet on me, and Sam says I should flash some ass just to get a rise out of him which would be funny. He’d look absolutely adorable blushing his head off.

We’ll see. I am considering it.

What else happened? I’m drawing a huge blank.

As explained in a previous entry, I was to show Barnes my s’mores dip recipe. Huge success. Crowd loved it. That’s how I learned he has a huge sweet tooth like me. Got an email from Pep about a board meeting which I ignored. If it’s really important, she’ll see me in person. Went swimming with Sam. We started planning Tony’s big Christmas party even though that’s MONTHS away.

But, you know. We’re so busy all the time, it might be worth it planning ahead.

As head of R&D, it’s vital to me that this goes well because they’re fun when they do go well, and a chaotic disaster when they don’t. Also, I have to find a date but details will follow.

I think that’s it.

If there’s more to follow, then I’ll just come back but there really isn’t.

Oh, Alpine found my room. He’s in here right now and he snores. It’s cute, just like his owner.

Okay, goodnight.

.

Aug. 7/20

Dear Jane,

Sam, James, and I went swimming.

Pro of the day: James is ripped and that man was GLISTENING.

Con of the day: I AM STUPID in front of hot ripped men.

Pro of the day: We got ice cream together. Strawberry for me, mango for James because he wants to try new flavours, and Sam ordered some monstrosity with vanilla ice cream, chocolate and raspberry syrups, and a bunch of banana slices. A swirl of whipped cream to finish it off. It looked like diabetes in a cup and that’s coming from me.

Con of the day: James used his thumb to wipe the ice cream off my lip and my brain short-circuited. Sam teased us about it, but James very stubbornly and convincingly said we’re just friends.

Con of the day x2: We are just friends and that is NOT going to change. I cannot explain how much my heart literally fell out of my body in disappointment.

God, and James and I are meeting up at 2AM tonight so he can show me this new stupid stuffed celerey recipe he learned.

It’s not stupid.

It’s really, REALLY cute he researched it.

This sucks.

.

Aug. 11/20

The worst day ever. I don’t want to talk about it but might as well make a note on it. More on it later, I guess.

.

Aug. 15/20

Dear Jane,

Sorry, I’m dramatic. Must get it from working with Tony for so many years.

Let’s just review what occurred on August 11, 2020, at approximately 3:23 in the afternoon.

I learned that James went out on a date. A DATE. From SAM. When James had ample opportunity to tell me at our regular meeting at witching hour over celery sticks.

EXCUSE ME? WHO IS THIS WOMAN?

I’m not even mad. I’m just angry that the man I became friends with only 2 weeks ago and caught feelings immediately for is seeing other people.

I sound like a raging bitch. I promise you, Jane, that I am not. I’m just the insanely jealous type.

No, I’m not.

God, what is happening to me and why does it have to be James.

I never get crushes and the instant I do, it’s for the most emotionally and physically unavailable person ON EARTH.

Also, work was work. I was distracted, drank soup from the canteen, and generally accomplished nothing. Alpine came for some snuggles while James was out. That’s the only good thing.

Thanks, universe.

.

Aug. 16/20

Dear Jane,

So, I brought up this mystery lady over homemade sundaes.

James seems pretty serious about her because he a) apologized for not telling because he wanted to keep it private and asked me not to tell anyone and b) has a second date with her later today.

Oh, GOD. There is no point to this.

.

Aug. 19/20

Dear Jane,

What’s the point of asking someone intimate, personal questions if not because you guys are best friends?

James called me his best friend today. He says he knows me, but if he did, he’d know I feel like throwing up whenever he’s around and that his stare burns through every layer of clothing until I feel like he just knows my secret.

I told him we’ve known each other less than a month, but he said something stupidly charming about “intuition” and feeling and that this feels right and how he knows he can tell me anything and that I was an easy person to talk to.

I should’ve been a shrink.

At least, my trip to Wakanda is going to give me distance. A solid two months of no one else but me, tech, and new faces. Going there to collaborate with Shuri is definitely exciting and taking up more space in my brain than James these days.

Maybe I’ll fall in love with some soldier over there because apparently, I’m catching feelings willy-nilly these days.

See you on the plane, Jane.

.

Aug. 23/20

Dear Jane,

On the quinjet, it’s fairly quiet. It’s one of the things I love about it. The silent yet soft engines that can lull me to sleep. We should be arriving in a few hours so I thought I’d write. I’m getting the hang of this, I think.

There's a press conference later, too, in the trip with the UN and it’s not that I can’t handle it, but that I could’ve done this in my sleep and wished Tony sent someone else. I hate the press, not gonna lie.

Anyway, this gives me time to be introspective.

Is it just me or James always Okay, is it just my imagination that whenever I try to get close to James, he just kinda pulls away? Not in a romantic way. I’m not stealing anyone’s man because girl code, but he won’t even let me just stand near him anymore. It’s like I have an infectious disease only transmitted through physical contact and it’s just weird.

I don’t know.

Before I left, he said he’d miss me and that we should keep in touch through calls (Obviously, I would) and that he hopes I won’t forget him.

So, you say those things but you won’t even let me even hug you?

You’re a manipulative asshole, Barnes.

.

Oct. 20/20

Dear Jane,

I am so sorry that it has taken so long for us to reunite.

In hindsight, I’m a fucking idiot.

I left you on the quinjet which went back to New York and a different quinjet came to pick me up. I came back like two days ago so these past few days have been spent searching for you.

James offered to help, and he seems normal again.

Weird. Guess he was just in a mood with the new girlfriend and adjusting to having me as a friend, too. Guys go through that, I guess.

In Wakanda, I did not, in fact, fall in love with a soldier or anything. I curse every day that I didn’t, trust me. I’m just as disappointed as you are because I just want to get over this stupid crush. For the two months I was gone, it was like I didn’t like James at all like that. Even during calls, I could pretend we were just two teammates keeping each other in the loop. He talked about his girlfriend, I listened, I explained science because he’s a nerd, and he asked questions like he was interested.

It was FINE.

Then, he was waiting for me when I came back to NYC and it slammed into me like Bruce in Hulk-mode.

James asked if I wanted to meet his girlfriend because she’d be coming around for the Halloween party anyway, and he thinks we’ll get along swimmingly.

He really said swimmingly. He is stuck in the wrong era, but we all knew that.

I said yes, to be polite.

Here’s to hoping she’s a vindictive bitch and I am justified in hating her entire being.

.

Oct. 22/20

Dear Jane,

I met her. She’s small and pretty and mature and normal.

If I wasn’t stupidly in my feelings about James, I’d love her, too. 

She’d treat him right, give him a good home to come back to.

Best not to notice the people fighting beside you in that way, I guess.

.

Oct. 25/20

Dear Jane,

God is dead and NO ONE has eyes on the road.

Jesus isn’t even taking the wheel on this one.

It’s a fucking disaster.

I do not want to describe in every little detail the intricacies of dreaming about James Buchanan Barnes fucking my brains out, so I won’t, but this is for the record that it happened and how the fuck am I supposed to come back and see him in his probably gorgeous attempt at his recreation of Brendan Fraser from the Mummy AKA my favourite movie (which HE KNOWS THAT IT IS?? GOD, the audacity.)

Girlfriend (his girlfriend. “Girlfriend” is the name which she shall be henceforth known as in these entries because petty wins are all I have right now) is dressing as Rachel Weisz. Because “couples goals” or whatever.

I wouldn’t know. Sam and I are dressed up as sexy salt and pepper shakers (his idea, not mine) and he made me take the salt stick because I think he knows. Steve’s not dressing up because he’s more focused on handing out candy as Captain America.

Tony is… Tony. Iron Man and all that.

Anyway, I’m out of town in DC for a meeting with the Secretary of State for a few days, but I’ll be back in New York on the 30th so I’ll have a few hours to adjust to being around James again before he dons on that outfit that I know will be totally hot.

He called me his best friend again in his latest email.

Made me smile like an idiot, but I digress.

.

Nov. 1/20

Dear Jane,

Halloween was killer. Sam and I won best duo for costumes because we’re that good. Ate a lot of candy and it seems to be looking up.

I dunno. I didn’t mind James and Girlfriend on the couch that much in the after-party. Mostly stuck by Nat and Sharon and Tony. An ood trio, but a fun one nonetheless.

It was fun, but I still have to go to work no matter how many jello shots and vodka gummy bears consumed.

Wish me luck, not that I need it.

Why do you think Tony hired me?

.

Nov. 4/20

Dear Jane.

Natasha said I smile at James in a way that utterly betrays every emotion I want to hide in my chest.

Note to self: Don’t smile at James, or at his jokes, or at anything he ever does again. Avoid him. Put a stopper on this friendship.

Note to note to self: I can’t. He just makes me smile whenever he’s around and he’s always around. There’s no simpler way to put it.

I’m gonna try this hiatus thing, though. Distance myself a bit. We’ll see how it goes.

.

Nov. 13/20

Dear Jane,

Day nine of this hiatus business and it sucks. I miss my best friend.

We’re scheduled for a mission together, and we’re leaving tomorrow so I was going to have to talk to him during the briefing and the op either way.

Well, glad to know this didn’t work.

.

Nov. 15/20

Dear Jane,

Guess who just got fucking shot!

ME!

Guess even scumbags can’t take a holiday because some stupid arms dealer got a cheap shot on me while I was downloading their whole computer system and other tech mumbo-jumbo I am too high to write about.

James left a few hours ago with the rest of the team, but not before he got me a bunch of ice chips and said he was worried and that he hopes I get better soon. He even promised to get me some flowers to spruce up the room and to say my HEART went CRAZY is an understatement.

He came to my rescue, essentially, as soon as he heard I got pinned. He carried me to the quinjet the instant he cleared the area and stayed by my side the whole time even though the bleeding stopped and I was in good hands. He was just so protective, barking at doctors and nurses. It was embarrassing but also really, really sweet.

Is it weird of me to say that I want him to stay by my side forever? 

I’ve never fallen in love before.

Is it always this fast and this hard? I feel like I’m crashing instead of gently and wonderfully falling. Everything is dumb and awful.

Is this what love is like? Because it hurts worse than getting shot because I think I’m going to vomit flowers or butterflies or something.

God, he’d never love me. We’re just friends and even though we have a lot in common, he’d never. It’s just too much of the past in the present or whatever.

Also, he has a girlfriend but it seems very surface-level. God, that makes me sound like a “one of the boys” type of girl who’s a bitch to one of the boy’s new girlfriends, but I don’t know. James told me they don’t really talk about the deep stuff like we do. But she makes him happy, I think.

In hindsight, one may ask what the deep stuff is.

More on that later. I’m tired.

God, why him?

I HATE THIS.

goodnight.

.

Nov. 16/20

Dear Jane,

James visited again today. He sat beside me and we talked until the nurses had to kick him out. He also brought the flowers.

I asked about Girlfriend casually. I said I liked her.

He said he did, too.

I don’t know why I think he’s lying. No, I do.

It’s because jealousy is the green-eyed bitch from highschool who still shows up in my life because she thinks she’s relevant to society.

That was mean. Unrequited love makes you mean. Side effect noted.

P.S. The deep stuff includes his past, his arm, his memory, his favourite colour. I dunno why that matters. It just does.

.

Nov. 17/20

Dear Jane,

Got out of the hospital today because of advanced technology and all that. Nothing’s left but a scar and residual soreness. James helped me to my room and said to call him if I had a problem.

I joked that he has a girlfriend and for some reason, he got really weird about it. It’s hard to describe. I dunno. Nat dropped by for popcorn and movies.

It’s 2:32AM. I’m wondering if he’s in the kitchen but I’m confined to bed rest so I don’t know. Also, Nat is asleep beside me and I don’t want to bother her.

Hopefully I can get up and move in a few days. Life is boring.

.

Nov. 24/20

Dear Jane,

Sorry we haven’t caught up in a moment. Work’s been hectic and I’ve been working overtime trying to make ends meet. Most days I’m in the office or lab, just trying to get enough things done so I can take time off come Christmas.

James stopped by tonight with Chinese takeout and some sweet buns.

He broke up with his girlfriend, too.

Guess that’s why he was being weird about it.

I tried being as casual as I could asking why, but he didn’t want to talk about it, so I asked why he came by. Couldn’t be for the company because when I’m in work mode, I just don’t talk and he knows that.

He said something about his arm feeling funny so I gave it a quick diagnostics check.

I think both of us knew his arm was feeling fine.

Everything is stupid, life is meaningless, and James’ lips are the prettiest shade of pink in the ugly lights of the lab.

I would very much like to have kissed him, but I didn’t.

Girl code.

It’ll probably be a while before I get another chance to actually have time and energy to write another diary entry. Christmas season’s coming close and Pepper is gonna need help with the party.

Yay, me.

.

Dec. 4/20

Dear Jane,

Morgan asked me in less eloquent words if I had a boyfriend (it was more like “You boyfriend?” But whatever. Who even taught her that word?) and I swear to GOD Nat could not make it anymore obvious looking at James.

Remind me to absolutely throttle her. I don’t care if she’s the infamous Black Widow. She has clearly never seen me hopped up on nothing but a negative amount of sleep and rage/embarrassment/spite/all of the above.

On another note, Pep asked if I was bringing a plus one for the party. I said I’d think about it. Normally I’d just take Sam but he has his eyes on someone at the VA and I like my friends getting laid so no go there.

Might just go alone. I don’t know.

Pep said I should take James, but I don’t really think she knows the truth about that situation. Luckily, Tony instantly rejected the idea and said he’d find me a date if I couldn’t.

Thank the universe for at least placing me in the close circle of the most well-known and richest man in the world because he also gave me his card and said go wild.

He knows me so well. I’m thinking about Christmas shopping when I have another free day, and I’ll pay for that with my own money, of course, but clothes shopping is a free market.

I cannot wait.

.

Dec. 12/20

Dear Jane,

I wish I could show you my haul, but I got so much stuff Happy had to drive to help me. Besides obvious gifts, I also managed to snag a gorgeous dress for the party.

Thoughts on black and gold?

I think it’s beautiful. Hopefully Nat and Sharon think so. We’re having a girls night tonight and showing off outfits, so that’s exciting.

James asked if we could meet up tonight.

I told him I had plans and he looked so downcast.

I dunno. Everything feels weird between us. Like we’re fine, we’re best friends still, but something’s changed when no one was looking. He’s single now. I guess that energy is different because I had gotten used to his energy with ex-Girlfriend.

I don’t exactly mind but it’s not ideal either. I miss summer. It’s much less complicated than winter. Winter, one has to worry about wind and chills and snows blocking roads, black ice, dry skin, freezing fingers.

Summer: there’s just a lot of sun, wind, bugs, and the vaguest notion of being bored.

Look, I love winter. It’s my favourite season. It’s quiet and gorgeous and dreamy, even though it gets dreary in New York. The snow falls slowly sometimes, Christmas is gorgeous here, and I’d rather be cold than sweating buckets, and there are no bugs to bother me. Also, it gives me a good reason to stay in the labs or in my room where it’s warm and toasty.

I just miss the relative simplicity when James and I were just strangers on the edge of being friends, which is, in retrospect, a selfish reason to like one season and hate another.

Well, some philosopher somewhere probably said something about humanity being selfish.

.

Dec. 16/20

Dear Jane,

T-minus nine days until the party.

No date in sight.

Maybe I’ll ask Anderson from HR. We had coffee together a few times and he’s nice. Good catch: smart, not too bad looking, and really nice. I’ll head down tomorrow and ask.

Alpine had purred when I told him my plan and headbutted my hand, so I guess I got the Alpine-Seal-of-Approval.

.

Dec. 17/20

Dear Jane,

Operation: Ask Anderson from HR to Tony’s Christmas Party failed. Granted, it could’ve been because that was a god awful title and that that name, in itself, prophesied catastrophic failure, but also because I was accosted by my best friend.

I wish I meant Sam.

Nope. James caught me in the elevator and we made small talk. Sounds fine, right? Then we turned the topic to the party. Talked about clothes and prospective celebrity appearances and drinks and food. Just about everything, so might as well turn to talks about dates, which meant I had to explain why I was in the elevator in the first place.

Going down to ask Anderson ended in James revealing that he didn’t have a date either.

He doesn’t know who Anderson is, which I thought would be the case, and he popped the question before the doors opened.

Notice how I said “didn't” have a date.

Guess who’s going to the party with James, clearly stated as friends, platonic soulmates, etc.?

Me.

Yippee.

.

Dec. 18/20

Dear Jane,

It’s 3:42AM and I’m in the rec room as usual. I was gonna not write here today but it normally helps me sleep to just write a bit, get what little thoughts are in my head out. Yeah.

I hear James in the kitchen talking to Alpine and it’s making me smile like an idiot.

Oh, shit, he knows I’m in here. He’s making milkshakes.

I am morally obligated by best friend duties to join him.

Goodnight, Jane.

.

Dec. 24/20

Dear Jane,

I’m not sleeping with James Buchanan Barnes tomorrow night.

This is a resolute promise. An early New Year’s resolution.

.

Dec. 25/20

Dear Jane,

Merry Christmas! 

In between jovial festivities, I’ve finally found a little nook that’s quiet enough to write in. We opened presents, had a big family breakfast, went skating and just lounged around, and frankly, I’m exhausted. Need to recharge the old social battery.

Among the assortment of gifts is one that stands out to me. James got me a gift that said “Open When Alone” and I did before I started this entry and it was a fucking necklace. Like, a gorgeous one. It’s gold and thin and it feels wonderful. There’s a little cat paw charm on it and it’s so pretty because he has a matching bracelet for himself and I have still not yet recovered.

It’s just so sweet and it reminds me why I love him.

Yes, love has made me unbelievably sappy. I just heaved the biggest sigh in history.

Unfortunately, I have to go earlier tonight. To the party, as written in previous entries. I remember my oath of one-night celibacy and I intend on keeping it, despite how fucking endearing this gift was, because he said it best: we’re just friends. I’m not about to coerce my best friend into sleeping with me out of a piteous, unrequited love. That’s just gross.

You will either see me hungover tomorrow, or very drunk later tonight. It’s all very depending on how this night turns out.

.

Dec. 26/20

Dear Jane,

Fuck.

P.S. He REALLY does not mind me calling him James. Take that as dirtily or as clandestinely as you wish.

.

Dec. 27/20

Dear Jane,

I spent the entire day in bed with very pleasurable company.

I am SO GLAD we haven’t gotten called in because James doesn’t leave unless to go to sleep in his own bed or to eat, and I do NOT want to explain to the team that James fucked my brains out for two days straight because my heart is bursting.

He’s a good kisser. His lips are soft.

Intimate knowledge of that is now burned into my memory for future reference.

God, this is a dream come true. He doesn’t even question it, he just

It’s like I’m a goddess to him. He treats me like one, at least, and it’s like he’ll do anything I ask. And we act like it’s normal, too. Midnight trips to the kitchen included.

Best Christmas ever.

.

Dec. 28/20

Dear Jane,

I feel like I’m ignoring you but I’m also having the best sex of my life. He’s just… so fucking good and it’s a holiday and holy shit my mind is blown.

Love at first meeting isn’t real.

Well, maybe this one time, it was destiny.

.

Dec. 29/20

Dear Jane,

It isn’t just the sex, you know? It’s the pillowtalk, too. He just makes me laugh so much and everything is so easy between us and it feels real. Popcorn and chips in bed, some mojitos, just each other’s presence. It’s enough like that, you know?

Some quote about how the one you love should be both your lover and your best friend is in my head but I’m too lazy to look it up. James’ head is in my lap and he’s just reading while I’m writing and everything seems perfect.

He doesn’t ask what I’m writing because he knows it’s private and I trust him.

This is perfect.

I think I really am IN love with him.

.

Jan. 1/21

You know that cliché/tradition of New Year’s kisses?

WELL THEN.

Best (and worst) New Year’s ever. I’ll explain more later. I’m too tired and too angry and also sore and bruised.

See you when I’m not hungover.

.

Jan. 5/21

Dear Jane,

I’m finally stable enough to write.

In a crazy turn of events, Barnes and I got into a fight because of what happened after New Year’s Day’s events: I caught him leaving before I woke up and at first, curious questions ensued, and it wasn’t a fight but then it became one and I don’t even know how it happened. I wasn’t even mad. He just started being weird and I got annoyed and we tried and failed to keep our voices down. Luckily, my room is pretty soundproof.

Things just got out of hand and I feel like tearing my hair out. I wanna storm up to him and just yell some more.

Tony came into my room and didn’t say shit about my hickies and the fact that James is avoiding me like the plague. He gave me a really good hug, though and then gave me a few weeks off extra. I don’t know how he knows, but then again, it’s Tony.

He just said love’s tough sometimes.

Yeah, tell me about it.

I’m thinking about just taking a long vacation and disappearing. It seems like a good route to take at this point.

.

Jan. 6/21

Dear Jane,

James is looking at me right now as I write this. I wonder if I should look back or if he’s going to come up to me. We’ll see.

I’m only writing this so it seems like I’m busy. I’m running out of things to say, honestly. Can he just go? What’s the point in staring like that? What’s the point?

I could ask myself the same question. What’s the point in loving someone who’ll never love you? Yeah, he’s sleeping with me but he pulls away every time I try to do something more. Outside the bubble of my room and the small time frame of post-11PM to around 4:45AM, he acts like he’s allergic to intimacy.

It was never like that with ex-Girlfriend.

Maybe it’s something to do with me.

I don’t know, but he keeps looking and I want to get up and leave, but I won’t. I’m not gonna let him win.

.

Jan. 6/21

He didn’t. He just went out. Sam and Steve asked if I was okay because as soon as he left, I got up for the bathroom and screamed into a towel.

I don’t think either of them knows what’s going on, but they have a notion.

.

Jan. 9/21

Dear Jane,

He apologized. Still no explanation as to why, but it feels weird.

I told him I’m going on a vacation to Switzerland. Go skiing or something and asked if he wanted to come.

It was stupid to ask, but he said yes.

Shit.

.

Jan. 14/21

Dear Jane,

Switzerland is lovely.

No work is relaxing. Awkwardness between me and the other traveller on this vacation. Weather’s supposed to be nice when we get there. Sunny snow days, pretty mountains, other Swiss things.

No other comment.

.

Jan. 21/21

Dear Jane,

I lasted all of a week.

Yep, I slept with him again, and yes, he was back in his hotel bed come sunrise.

I dunno. I’m over it. We don’t apologize and hope everything gets back to normal because neither of us want to say anything to ruin it any further and we both have a major fear of the complicated. To be fair, he said he didn’t want to sleep with me if I was completely against it.

Also, I tried calling him Bucky at dinner like ex-Girlfriend (and everyone else) does and he made the most disgusted face.

He said, and I quote, “Bucky? When did I stop being James?”

I told him I was trying something out and he said it failed. Snarky bastard.

I guess if he’s still James, that must mean I’m still special.

That’s the Tony-inherited ego talking.

But it does make me exceptionally happy to play with the idea that I’m special to him. Best friend with convoluted benefits. Sounds like the title of a very long-winded self-help book that doesn’t really help much but that does sound like the story of my life so I can’t complain too much.

We’re going home in a few days.

I’ll probably sleep with him again. Bet Steve’s shield that I do.

.

Jan. 24/21

Dear Jane,

I get three Steve’s shields because I was right every single fucking day.

He’s like a habit I can’t quite kick and don’t really want to.

We snuggled afterwards last night. His arm was around my shoulders, we were naked, I was resting my head on his chest. For a moment, it felt like something couples do and then I fell asleep and woke up alone.

Quantum physics is easier to understand than this but I think we’re being mutually exclusive right now, so it’s almost dating.

I dunno. I don’t mind it anymore. It’s better than nothing.

.

Feb. 2/21

Dear Jane,

I’m absolutely miserable.

I’m still getting laid, but that’s not related. Correlation and causation or something.

Why is New York so dreary and when can everything just stop?

I don’t know. Winter is ending and now it’s in that awful transition phase between seasons and it’s mucky and rainy and disgusting. Tony got these limited edition ice cream flavours though so I’m gonna ask James if we can make milkshakes out of them or something.

He doesn’t like the muck either. That’s not really relevant, I guess.

.

Feb. 14/21

Dear Jane,

I got flowers and chocolate from the department because I think they can sense I’ve been in a bad mood since forever. Then, there was an anonymous delivery and inside was this gorgeous chain bracelet that matches the necklace sort of. I lied and told the department it was from Pepper.

What a wretched holiday.

Yours truly.

.

Feb. 18/21

Dear Jane,

Normally, when boys get their haircut, they look ugly for a day or two after.

Not James.

He got his hair cut shorter and he looks really good. Like unbelievably good. Short hair fits him just as much as long hair does.

No other observations.

.

Feb. 25/21

Dear Jane,

It was Morgan’s birthday party today. James came in one of those brown jackets with the sheepskin wool inside and he looked so good. We mainly stayed apart to prevent any dalliance because one does not disappear from the Madame Secretary’s birthday party and the team doesn’t really know what’s happening behind the scenes except for Nat and Tony, really.

I really wanted to kiss him in front of our friends. I caught him staring a few times, and every time, the smile seemed to vanish off his face.

I’m lying in bed and it feels pretty empty.

It occurs to me that I’ve been in love for a pretty long time and I’m not even in a relationship with the guy.

Energy could’ve been devoted to so many other things and I’d hate being in love if it weren’t for the fact that it’s James.

Again, love making me sappy and all that.

.

Feb. 28/21

Dear Jane,

Jane is such a common name. Some would call it plain yet it means gift from God.

I wonder if James knew that.

.

Mar. 10/21

Dear Jane,

It’s James’ birthday. Birthday sex is a requirement and a desire. I also got him a gift which is a pair of new black Timbs. I hope he likes them. I’m excited for cake, I guess. Morgan did my makeup but I’m gonna have to wipe it off for the small little party tonight.

I think, ordinarily, I’d be in knots because it’s James’ birthday and I love him and he’s my best friend, but I just don’t know. March is fairly boring and contemplative and rainy. Work is work. Helen Cho did a presentation on her Cradle technology. Very cool.

.

Mar. 20/21

Dear Jane,

It’s raining and doesn’t feel like spring. Alpine vomited on my bed a few days ago because he’s not feeling well. James and I took him to the vet and he’s on antibiotics. Poor boy. He’s sleeping in the corner of my room right now while James is away on a mission. I think I’ll just work from my room for a bit until he’s feeling better.

Nothing much to report, which is why I didn’t write anything. The month passed by too quickly. James should be back by the end of the month. I miss him and not because of the sex. No one else who doesn’t work for me or pays me listens to me ramble on their own free will. Talking to screens just isn’t the same.

.

April 1/21

James got back really early this morning and I, by tradition, was awake. I sort of wish I wasn’t though. In true April Fool’s tradition, I made fun of him for being a day late to which he genuinely apologized. I told him to shower and get to sleep but he was in that mood where you’re so exhausted you’re wide awake.

James suggested we make really strong cocktails for each other as a celebration for an extraction mission completed successfully.

Who am I to say no to celebrating?

He really likes grapefruit juice so I made a REALLY strong Grapefruit Paloma. He made this really interesting drink that was purple and tasted like oranges and cranberries. A lot of blue curacao was in it so it was pretty bitter but it hit like a fucking truck which is probably why I didn’t understand anything he said at first.

He told me he loved me.

I think, somehow, he managed to get drunk after the Grapefruit Paloma and two more bottles of vodka. Don’t ask me how because Steve NEVER gets drunk. Maybe HYDRA-brand serum is faulty? I don’t know.

I asked if he knew what date it was. He laughed really loudly, said no, realized, stuttered apologies and then said it again.

It was the most perfect sound in the world and it was the best moment in recent history.

Or, the sickest practical joke.

Consensus not yet reached.

.

April 2/21

Dear Jane,

I asked if he remembered what happened yesterday morning.

He did not.

Sickest practical joke confirmed.

.

April 9/21

Dear Jane,

I’ve been avoiding writing because I’ve felt a whole lot of nothing. Everything is abysmal and James’ confession is all I can think about. Tony’s on my ass about slipping and he has half the mind to put me on paid leave until I get my shit together, both as the head of the department and as an agent.

Drunk words are sober thoughts, all that garbage.

I wish I could live my whole life drunk and honest. Maybe then I wouldn’t be in this situation where I’m stuck in eternal limbo with my best friend whom I’m in love with. Minus the drunk part.

Duty demands I return to this weathered journal until it’s finished so we’ll see. I might be back this month. Maybe not.

.

May 1/21

Dear Jane,

It rained a lot in April so now the flowers are blooming early. April showers bring May flowers. Guess it has some merit to it.

Limbo sucks. Its inescapable nature, its terrible facade of everything seeming fine when it really isn’t.

Of course, James still makes me smile, but nothing seems really okay when I let myself stop for a second.

I’m going out with Steve to a charity thing tomorrow. Should be a few hours worth of not thinking and free booze. Oh, and James and I made out in one of the quinjets after dinner today.

Felt weird considering we aren’t a couple, but it happened spontaneously as that is the nature of our relationship, it appears.

The cause also happens to be the cure of melancholy. Weird.

.

May 6/21

Dear Jane,

For context, it’s 5:23AM.

Went for a walk in Madison Square and then Central Park with James yesterday, although in my head it’s still today. We met up with Nat for some training at the gym. Got a bit mobbed by fans and the paps who asked if we were dating like we’re the tabloid’s biggest scoop.

We weren’t even holding hands, but I guess it’s just another reason why we shouldn’t be TOGETHER together in public.

We had another deep stuff talk again in bed after the usual business. I wanted to ask what this is between us and if he’s pursuing other options, because I’m not and I wanted to know if I should, but I also didn’t want to ruin the vibe.

He was in a good mood today, and seeing as sometimes he has nightmares, I thought it was best I don’t ruin it. He thinks I don’t notice but how do I not notice? He’s my best friend.

I kissed his cheek when he got up to leave and he kissed me goodbye on the lips.

I guess that means something.

.

May 17/21

Dear Jane,

In a moment of complete boredom, I listened to Imagine Dragons’ new album. It wasn’t too bad, to be honest, but Sharon thought it could’ve been better. Whatever.

.

May 22/21

Dear Jane,

Ran into ex-Girlfriend today. She still has that whole sunshine thing going on still. We had coffee and she asked if I got together with James yet.

I choked on my coffee and nearly died on the spot.

That’s how I learned that James apparently broke it off softly and ex-Girlfriend had, very wisely and knowingly, said that he should chase the apple of his eye before I (the apple) rotted alone and forgotten at the trunk of the tree. Or, as any sane person would say (and ex-Girlfriend DID say), get picked from the tree by another hand.

She said it was quite obvious that I was in love with James even months ago. She also thanked me for being so nice, anyway, and that it must’ve been difficult. What a fucking SAINT.

I set her up with a date with Steve because they have the same energy, honestly, and that’s going down on the 26th barring any emergencies.

Call me Cupid, but I think I just constructed the perfect match made in heaven.

Mentioned this meeting to James minus the apple detail. He asked if she was doing okay, which she was, and seemed glad for that. Between kisses and his sneaking hand beneath the covers, he also asked if there was anything else. Not really much to say on that front.

.

June 3/21

Dear Jane,

It’s starting to dry up consistently, now. It’s getting warmer, too. Sam brought me flowers and told me to at least turn the air-con on if I was gonna be stuck in the lab all day. Oh, the simplicities of summer are hopefully returning. Got out early and hung out with Morgan at the park in the evening.

It’s nice to hang out with someone so blissfully unaware with the stupidity of love. All Morgan cares about is grass and buttercups she grabs from the ground. She doesn’t have to worry about how to tell the guy she’s in love with that she loves him.

Oh, didn’t you hear? Nat said I should just buck the fuck up and tell him.

And Nat is scary when not listened to.

Much to brainstorm about.

.

June 14/21

Dear Jane,

Just here to brainstorm some ideas for future Stark Industries projects and thought I’d preface it with a small diary entry. Nothing really happened. Work’s catching up for some reason and bad guys are acting up. I’ve pulled a few all nighters, not gonna lie.

Really tired, but in a good, productive way. Haven’t thought much on the James front. Gonna have to focus on that after everything calms down.

.

June 20/21

Dear Jane,

It’s officially summer and yet today was awful with only subtle hints of being okay.

So much for simplicity.

In the evening, I read on the hammock on the balcony. No one really bothered me except James, but he’s never a bother.

Steve and ex-Girlfriend (who will now be reidentified as Girlfriend) are pretty cute, and she meshes well with the group. There’s nothing really awkward between her, James, or me, so I guess two people’s summers are going well. Bully for them.

Didn’t really eat. Was too busy working. James got me dinner. Didn’t feel right and just kept working. This whole agreement between us has been very flexible but we really need to fit in a session soon.

I’ll make it work somehow.

.

June 22/21

Dear Jane,

I got my wish and didn’t at the same time. We spent the whole day in the sheets (very blissfully relaxing) and I, stupidly and with very little sleep, let it slip.

In less elegant terms, I told him I loved him. It felt very real and genuine and very-out-of-a-movie, but his reaction was less so.

What did I say? Allergic to intimacy.

He tried to play it off as best friends and even that was uncomfortable, but I, very seriously and very foolishly, corrected him that “no, James Buchanan Barnes, I am IN LOVE with you.”

He left a few minutes ago, saying something about heading down to the gym, but I know he’s just trying to avoid me.

God, how am I so stupid?

.

June 25/21

Dear Jane,

I haven’t seen James in a few days. I thought he was avoiding me but turns out he’s out of the country. Something about protection for whatever dignitary is travelling at the end of the month. I don’t know.

I wasn’t assigned to that op so the details weren’t shared liberally. Sam just said it’d be a while during the ambassador’s entire stay. High threat level which is why the Avengers were contracted.

I just hope he stays safe. I know he probably took off to take his mind off things, but I don’t know how he’s focusing when all I can think of is those three little words.

I love you.

Seems so fake the more I hear it in my head, but his reaction was so real that I think I might’ve just irreversibly messed things up.

.

July 12/21

Dear Jane,

It’s been a hectic couple of weeks. If future me finds this with blotted words, it’s because I am indeed crying while writing this.

James was medically evac’ed last night and transferred back to New York. Helen Cho was flown in from her medical conference in Minnesota where she was showcasing the newest version of the Cradle.

There was an assasination attempt and James is fucked up bad.

Holy shit, I’m so scared. I’ve never been so scared in my life. It’s like an invisible demon has my heart in his claw-like hands and he’s squeezing with all his might. I think my heart might explode.

I just want to hold his hand but he’s so high risk no one’s allowed to see him right now.

The waiting room is too quiet. Steve’s holding on to Girlfriend’s hand so hard I think her bones are broken but she’s taking it like a champ. Nat’s pacing, slowly patting a sleeping Morgan who she’s carrying. Sam and Tony are talking about stuff.

It’s too quiet.

I’m so scared.

.

July 13/21

They got him into the Cradle. Thank God. I think I might cry some more out of relief, but he was conscious for a few minutes earlier and he’s stable now.

It’s really late at night but they extended privileges to me to stay with him so I’m just sitting here, writing. Listening to the Cradle do its thing and the monitors do theirs.

When he was conscious, I was with him. He said some stuff under his breath but the one thing I could make out was “I’m an idiot.”

Granted, he’s right. It was supposed to be Steve or Tony on that mission. You know, people with more defense op experience, but he had to go out and volunteer himself.

I feel sort of guilty.

It’s partially my fault, isn’t it?

I think I’ll try to tuck in for tonight. I wanna be awake when he wakes up, too.

.

July 14/21

Dear Jane,

James woke up today. He’s still in the Cradle (lots of internal damage spread throughout the body) but he’s conscious. He saw me and immediately tried to sit up which was sweet, but when he couldn’t, he just told me to come closer and then told me that he loved me.

I called him an idiot for running away. I told him he really scared me. I told him that I loved him so fucking much. I told him that I feel so guilty and he just held my face and said that it will never be my fault.

He’s so fucking romantic, even when he’s lying down with a wound being stitched closed live in front of my eyes.

Oh, and he kissed me. I don’t think I noticed how much I actually missed him until that moment.

I don’t know how to describe the feeling in my chest. It’s a mixture between super happy and super scared and super, super warm inside. Summer might be looking up.

.

July 18/21

Dear Jane,

We got home today. James is staying in my room. The team doesn’t say anything about it. We’re best friends, after all, but I think they’ve known for a long time that there’s something more. Some of them are just too polite to say so.

I won’t have much time to write over the next couple of days. James has to be kept on a strict, extremely healthy diet and medicine regime.

I don’t care. I’m just glad he’s home.

He’s kissing me a lot more, now. Alpine likes the fact that his two humans are now in the same room. He purrs so loudly, I can hear him from where he’s dozing, curled up underneath James’ chin. He (James) is resting after his second round of antibiotics for the day while I work from my room, and sometimes I catch myself looking back just to make sure he’s okay.

I’m going to go kiss him now.

Be right back.

.

July 21/21

Dear Jane,

It’s almost Nat’s birthday (the 26th). Super exciting. James is back on solids and I’m helping him around with walking. Even with the Cradle and the healing factor, he’s still super banged up, so it’s better safe than sorry.

We had a really long talk about love and stuff. It’s good to finally have it out in the open. It was mostly me talking about my side of things and he just nodded a lot. I know he was listening though.

We also kissed a lot, like seventeen year old couples who are heavy on the PDA, but within the privacy of my room. I dunno. I like the heat of his arms and the way he kisses the shell of my ear when he’s bored or it’s a commercial break.

It feels very natural.

I am very much in love with him.

I tell him that and he always looks skeptical, but whatever. He doesn’t have to say it back (I tell him that there’s no pressure) and he’ll get it through his thick skull eventually that he’s now stuck with me.

.

July 25/21

Dear Jane,

We made cookies in the early AM as tradition for the party tomorrow and I told him that I love him (again, but this time he didn’t run, nor has he the past few times. Fantastic).

While the cookies were baking, he explained everything on his side of the story: how he was scared to be vulnerable, how opening up to me is just different and new and scary and I get it. I really do. I know how it feels to think you don’t deserve good things and sabotage feels like the only way to save everyone from hurt.

He smiled a lot more after that. I guess he’s just glad I get it.

One day, I’ll successfully convince James that he deserves everything good this world has to offer.

Until then, I’ll just keep trying.

P.S. He said, with less hesitation than the first time, that he loves me, too. Best. Day. Ever.

P.P.S. The cookies are so good and I want to devour them all. I could barely stop James from eating all of them. Again: Best. Day. Ever.

.

July 26/21

Dear Jane,

In summary of today:

Happy birthday, Natasha.

James has been given the clear bill of health which is exciting. Also, I asked him about the Jane and gift of God thing.

He knew. “Intuition” and all that. He also said I looked “like a royal dame” in my swimsuit. Smug idiot just trying to be charming.

I love him and that’s the only reason it works.

Back to the festivities.

.

July 27/21

Dear Jane,

Good morning to you and to James who’s still in my bed at a ripe 6:23AM, fast asleep.

Progress. Now, back to sleep.

.

July 27/21

Dear Jane,

It’s now 9:49AM and James greeted me with orange juice and waffles. He said I was cute when I slept. Creep.

He also said he tried so many times to stay in my bed after, before we were like we are now, but he never could, and now he’s upset that he missed out on my cute sleeping/waking up for the day face every time he did so.

He is exceptionally cute when he’s pouting.

I think we’re officially boyfriend-girlfriend, but we’ll work out the semantics on that later. For now, it’s another summer day together. He suggested Chinese takeout for dinner because I have to go dip back into the lab later today to check on some samples.

I agreed and he kissed me in promise like it was our “thing.” I can’t stop smiling like an idiot.

Massive progress.

.

July 28/21

Dear Jane,

He told me I was the only one for him.

Also, he kissed me in front of our friends for the first time. Natasha yelled “FINALLY” and pushed us into the pool. Sam laughed and then I grabbed him and threw him into the pool. Ensuing: a water fight for the ages.

For a day: 10/10

.

July 31/21

Hey Jane,

I think I’m happy.

I’m sorry I ever doubted the effects of writing down my feelings.

James has a romantic trip to uptown planned for our first date and he said it’ll take the whole day so I thought I’d get this entry in the morning. I dunno. It’s really early and the happy thought was the first thing that came to my head.

Weird, but it’s a good weird.

See you in a bit.

[irondadfics]

do you have any bio!dad recs where peter isn't kidnapped? where he got to grow up with tony as his dad? thanks for all u guys do!!

(@dreamworld27​ Many of the following are also bio mom!pepper, so we’re combining asks. ALSO, check out this old rec list of ours. We believe you’d like it)

Hardest Lessons (Softest Results) by mainstreamelectricalparade 

“Sorry, sir, but Miss Potts has been trying to reach you for fifteen minutes and overrode my Do Not Disturb setting,” JARVIS replied, at least managing to sound a little sheepish thanks to Tony's flawless programming.

“You're lucky I don't have time for a lecture,” Pepper said sternly. “I need you to come to my office right now, there's a bit of a situation.”

“Didn't I hire you to deal with those so I don't have to?”

“Not this one,” Pepper said. “There is absolutely nothing about this that you can pass off on me. Mary Fitzpatrick from our research department in New York is outside. She says she needs to talk to you.”

That didn't sound like something Tony couldn't pass off. “And?”

“She's pregnant.”

Made of iron, born of fire by iamgoingtocrash and savvysass

Faced with impending fatherhood, Tony Stark has multiple emotional crises, realizes he needs to make some life changes, gets to know the mother of his child better, bonds with his makeshift family, and finds unconditional love in his son.

Broken Wings Series by slothbeans

Tony Stark was known by many names.

The name that always the felt most accurate was Incubus.

In a world protected by Angels, it felt right to be recognized as a demon. He wasn’t the biblical presence everyone prayed for, but he believed that was fair, because he was something the world needed to keep balance. In a world filled with purity and love, there had to be evil to balance it out. Some people had to be bad.

I love you more than anything series by iron_spider

Pepper sighs heavily but doesn’t look away from him. “There is a woman on line one, her name is Mary Fitzpatrick—”

Tony feels like someone breaks an ice cold egg on the top of his head. Frozen yolk spearing down the back of his neck.

“—and she says she had your baby, Tony. Two days ago, she’s still in the hospital. She’s one hundred percent sure it’s yours.”

Tony stares at her.

Yeah, he’s had this happen before. It’s never panned out, always been a cash grab, and if he does have any biological kids out there, the mothers haven’t contacted him. All the ones that tried their hands were bullshitting.

But he remembers Mary Fitzpatrick.

And without picking up the call, without taking a test, without seeing the baby—he knows.

White Clouds by Mogoona3000

Slowly but surely, Tony's life is nothing but a product of occurrences taking place around him, for him, to him.

But for the first time, he chooses what changes, when it changes and how it changes. He chooses Peter.

These are the occurrences that dance around this new relationship. This is how choosing to raise Peter unfolds.

Radioactive by @justme--emily​

Things haven't always been great between Tony Stark and his son. He wasn't ready to become a father...didn't even know he had a son until the boy's mother died. Over time, though, he thought he got the hang of it. But that was before his son went on a field trip to Oscorop and was seemingly left fighting for his life. *Written for Iron Dad Big Bang*

Stardust series by cold_nights_summer_days

Nightmares plagued Peter Stark even before his dad went missing, but they were a hell of a lot easier to deal with when he was there.

OR

Some late night stargazing because I can't let go of the headcanon that little Peter would love space and Tony would love teaching him about it. Fight me (or please don't, actually, I don't want to go to the emergency room)

His greatest creation series by peterstank

Stark men don’t quit. Stark men brush off their knees as they get back up and fix their mistakes. Tony’s not stupid; he knows he’s made plenty of them. He has a ledger-full, a laundry list.

But somehow, this doesn’t feel like one of them.

or: the one where tony finds out he’s going to have a kid and he thinks maybe, just maybe, he could try giving the whole ‘dad’ thing a go.

Outsider by PinkEasterEggs

Peter tries to find his place in the world after the Avengers defeated Thanos. As much as he knows he's loved, he can't shake the feelings of being replaced when he comes into a new world where his father is now married and had another child.

To be where you are by pinkbelle

A series in which Peter is Pepper & Tony's biological son, but otherwise compliant with MCU up to IW/Endgame

Close to the ground series by boo_boo_thefool

“Not done,” Tony slices a hand through the air, and Peter shuts his mouth immediately. “Because you must have done something. Last I remember, your mother wasn’t an insect.”

Peter winces, but he can’t help mumbling an “Arachnid,” under his voice.

“Excuse me?”

“Spiders are arachnids, not insects.” Mask clutched in his hands, staring at the floor, Peter decides this might just be one of the worst moments of his young, ever persisting life.

(...or the civil war biodad au that no one asked for.)

I promise you kid that i give so much more than i get series by geralt_of_rivia

Tony had dealt with blood before, he was an engineer. He’d nearly lost fingers, had accidentally sliced open major veins. But this, this wasn’t just any blood, this was Peter’s blood.

//

Peter gets an injury that really isn’t as bad as it seems, single dad Tony has some obligatory dad panic. + some extra fluff I tossed in to try and soothe myself after the horror that was the unmentionable movie. It’s pre-IronMan though so there’s no movie spoilers whatsoever! Safe to read!

What We Are series by Yellowdistress

Starks didn't create beautiful things. They created weapons that destroyed beautiful things. That was the way it had always been.

But when the four-year-old's wide eyes blinked at him, Tony was struck with the sudden realization that maybe that had been a lie.

[aethersea]

you know what, I never do these things, but actually I’ve decided I would like to get to know people better! I would like to partake of the mortifying ordeal! I would like to talk about myself for a bit!

ok for the next...let’s say five days I will answer any of these things that people tag me in, or any random personal questions you plop in my ask box. I don’t have an ask meme on hand but just....pick one you’ve seen recently, or make up questions of your own, and I’ll answer. (the answer might be ‘nope that’s private’ but I will answer.) (@ the anon who asked for book recs - I see you, I’ve been thinking of books all day, I’m going to give you SUCH a long answer, I hope you don’t regret your choices bc it WILL be full of gushing)

alright, let’s go!

🌻 Tag 9 people you want to get to know better

Tagged by @booksandchainmail​

Last Song: I’m currently listening to “Falcon in the Dive” from the Scarlet Pimpernel musical on loop. I watched one or two Scarlet Pimpernel movies when I was just barely too young to fully get what was going on, and the story’s held an odd but deep-seated place in my heart ever since. A few years ago I found out there’s a musical and most of the songs are pretty stellar (go listen to “Madame Guillotine” if you like big ensemble broadway numbers, it’s a banger, the bit where he cries out for God has been running through my mind on and off for a few days now haha not like that’s topical or anything), so every once in a while I spend a few days listening to them a lot.

Sometime last year I read the actual book, and got super into the whole concept of the Scarlet Pimpernel for a while. I plotted out Pimpernel aus for several fandoms, I read the entire wikipedia article, and I went looking for bootlegs of the musical. I didn’t find one, but I did find a full radioplay-style recording of the script, complete with full musical numbers, and listened to it like a podcast.

Reader, I was so disappointed. The play adds some scenes, bc a lot of the dramatic tension of the novel comes from internal conflict and that doesn’t stage super well, and the very first scene of this play – a play written in the NINETIES – features our dashing hero rescuing some aristocrats from a French prison, and then saying to the person in the next cell, who begs for rescue but is not an aristocrat, “We have enough of your kind in England.”

Enough! of your KIND! What in the merry frickety HECK my dudes!! The book has some rather unfortunate™ takes but it is from 1905, it’s regrettable but sadly to be expected. This play is from 1997. It has NO excuse. This scene wasn’t even in the book! What! the heck!

I was so disheartened that I lost my excitement for the play, and a couple songs later I stopped listening. It occurred to me just a few days ago that you could actually stage that ironically, with the person in the cell giving the audience a “can you believe this” look, and then the rest of the play could feature assorted non-aristocratic ensemble members constantly looking at the audience like they’re on The Office. And hey, maybe that’s what they did, or something similar – maybe that was never meant to be taken as a cleanly heroic stance, and the play deals with it in a complex way. It’s possible. I wouldn’t know. Kinda doubt it though, based on song lyrics.

Favorite Color: red, probably

Last Movie: I watched that new lesbian christmas movie with my family for christmas, the one with kirsten stewart and the guy from schitt’s creek. it’s very sweet and good and kinda sad, and I really enjoyed it. it also incidentally has the best gay best friend trope in probably anything ever, bc it’s not a trope (I didn’t realize until several hours after watching that it technically fits), it’s just a guy who is the protagonist’s best friend, and they’re just all gay, and then when he Gives Relationship Advice as a gay best friend always does, it’s advice about how to deal with your partner’s hangups around coming out.

actually every part of the gay best friend trope becomes better when they’re just best friends who are both gay. the big dramatic gestures (in this case, driving some ungodly distance in the snow on no notice) go from “haha how kooky” to “queer man will do anything he needs to to rescue his queer friend from an isolating & potentially triggering situation”. the relationship advice isn’t “honey you deserve some self-respect, treat yourself”, it’s a deeply sincere reminder of the vulnerability that is shared across almost everyone’s queer experience, and look I could ramble about this for a long time before reaching a coherent point but I’m INTO IT, okay? I’m into it.

Last Show: you want me to remember what show I last finished???? impossible, cannot be done, it was a long time ago and the adhd has eaten everything that happened before last week. here, instead I’ll tell you about another movie I watched, late at night with my mom in cozy companionship just a couple days ago. it’s called Quigley Down Under and it’s about a cowboy who goes to Australia and kills a bunch of racists, 10/10 would watch again. it’s from 1990 but it feels much older, with the music choices and the cinematography of a 70s Western. the cowboy is great, honorable and fearless and kind, but the breakaway star of this movie for me is the woman who attaches herself to his side and refuses to leave. her name is Cora, and she’s crazy, in the sense that she’s not altogether tethered to reality, but this never for a second diminishes her agency. she’s fierce and clever and compassionate, and she basically never does anything she doesn’t want to in the whole movie. her arc is about overcoming trauma by taking charge of her own fear and facing it head-on, she is never belittled or dismissed by the narrative or the protagonist, and look she’s just so cool. I love her. she’s so vibrantly alive. her story could probably have been handled with a bit more nuance, but honestly for the 90s it’s pretty great. I’m no expert, but I found nothing objectionable in it, just a bit of heavy-handedness.

anyway the theme of the movie is that racism is evil and racists deserve to be shot, and this too could have been handled better (not a single aboriginal character speaks a single line of english in this movie), but it follows through on that message in every way, while still being a fun kinda campy cowboy movie. overall a very good time.

Currently Watching: started showing my sister Hilda the other day, and she’s liking it! I love that show, it’s so incredibly cute. can’t wait to see season 2

Currently Reading: lmao I wish. lately the brain has firmly rejected all attempts to read anything of any length. currently pending, bc I was halfway through them when my brain stalled out, are tano’s fic What Does Kill You Can Make You Stronger, Too, a Toby Daye book - I think it was The Brightest Fell, I got like half a chapter in and haven’t picked it up in over a month, the Locked Tomb series, and probably a few other things too. ooh! also a book called Making Sex by thomas laqueur, which is my fancy academic reading that I’ve been doing in short bursts for the past year or two when I feel fancy and academic. it’s about the development of the concept of biological sex and of gender in Western society, and it’s fascinating. has among other things introduced me to the idea that until quite recently, fathers were a matter of faith. the mother? yeah, you can watch the baby pop out, we all know who the mother is. but the father? how can you know? how can you really know? we have paternity tests these days, but for all of human history up until now, we've just had to take fatherhood on faith. (not to mention we didn’t even know what fathers were contributing to the production of a fetus. clearly it was something, since you can’t get pregnant without a penis getting involved, but we have literally not known what until the past few decades. and that is wild. it has colored ALL of human history, all of our conceptions of society and family and kinship and gender, all of it, and it hadn’t even occurred to me until it was spelled out for me in this book, and it’s just......wow.

Salty, sweet or savory: for christmas my sister and I made seven different types of cookie, most of them involving chocolate somehow.

Craving: no bc I ate so many cookies. unless sleep counts. or maybe pringles, it’s been many moons since last I had a potato chip and I miss them.

Coffee or Tea: no thank you

Tagging: @coloursisee, @krchy-tuna, @sam-j-squirrel, @xzienne, @mirandatam, @viciousmaukeries, @sepulchritude, @elidyce, and @navigatorsnorth bc it’s been a while since we’ve talked, and I’m super hyped that you’re married now. v happy for you!

[taemin-spill-the-tea]

Kpop fic recommandantions (through bingo)

I decided to do the fic rec bingo. Excuses in advance for the super long post. 

The most recenty read fic: A lot like love and Loey

Ship: Chanbaek

Summary: Where single father Chanyeol has no idea why anyone sane enough would sit outside under the falling snow, but Loey loves Baekhyun, and he thinks that's enough.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16791604

A fic that made me cry: 10080

Ship: Chanbaek

Summary: Chanyeol wanted a divorce. Baekhyun asked for a week.

Link: https://exobubz.livejournal.com/929.html

The longest fic: Acquired taste

Ship: Chanbaek

Summary: Baekhyun believed it was Henri Matisse who said that "creativity takes courage." Thomas Merton stated that "art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time." As a young painter still in learning, Baekhyun's only profound and memorable quote so far is "Fuck you, Park Chanyeol, for using every opportunity you get to ruin my fucking life."

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22915615/chapters/59247361#workskin

A fic I almost didn’t read: Where dreams come true (ongoing)

Ships: Seonghwa/Hongjoong - San/Wooyoung - Yunho/Mingi - Yeosang/Jongho

Summary:  Working at Disney World seems magical on the surface. Working there with people like this is not something any of them had in mind. In other words, the Happiest Place on Earth isn’t what they expected.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25530529/chapters/61944745

A fic that made me check out the author’s other works: My heart is glowing fluroscent (I want you to possess it)

Ship: Woosan

Summary: Jung Wooyoung has considered himself fairly lucky, having an easy life and just going with the flow. So when he reluctantly agrees to a Master/Pet partnership with Brat Tamer Choi San to help his best friend pay off a debt, he begins to wonder if that luck has run out.Yet, despite all his preconceived notions, Wooyoung soon learns which of the two is truly in control. And as time passes he finds himself not only enjoying the role he plays, but also the man who set out to tame him.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26742952/chapters/66452752#workskin

A fic I’d like to be a movie: licenced to survive & on melochony hill

Licenced to survive: 

Ship: Woosan

Summary: “I’m San,” San says, voice dropping in a force of habit, something that has latched onto him from years of living the same humdrum life and his lifelong acquaintance with introducing himself to people who truly didn't give a fuck about him or anything he did, introductions serving merely as a necessary evil.The stranger looks at him for a brief moment before he tilts the disinfectant bottle into the ball of cotton, soaking it as he leans forward and presses it against San’s stitches. San grabs his wrist.“I’m gonna need a name before you treat me, pretty boy,” San says, making sure that it doesn’t come off sounding like a request.The stranger raises his head to meet his eyes, something like sadness pooling in his eyes, smudged black and purple distracting San for the umpteenth time this evening and whispers softly, “Wooyoung.”It’s a pretty name for a pretty face, but San is presented with an even prettier smile, shy and curling at the edges of his mouth, lilac field for his hair and cherry blossom cheeks, as he repeats it under his breathe 

          Or, San is working in the task force as a mercenary for an intergalactic                law enforcement authority, and Wooyoung's the anomaly he doesn't see              coming.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23825965/chapters/57250096

For “on melocholy hill” see A favorite side character

A fic I have re-read: A prize to be claimed

Ship: Chanbaek

Summary:  Baekhyun didn’t think much of it when Chanyeol, his childhood nemesis, won a tournament held by their pack. That is, until said nemesis demanded him as a prize.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17394146/chapters/44797411#workskin

A fic from my to read list: Kissed by fire

Ship: Chanbaek

Summary:  It is with the introduction of a mischievous, red-haired wildling that Chanyeol’s loyalty to the Night’s Watch really starts to crumble.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10884300/chapters/24186225

A pwp: you make my heart (go!)

Ship: Lumark

Summary:  There's a lot you can find out during never have I ever, and for Mark that includes finding out your best friend is a virgin in every sense of the word. So, what else was he supposed to do other than help Yukhei find out just how good his body can feel? But, what happens when feelings are thrown into the mix?

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16305581?view_adult=true

A favorite side character: Heechul and Junmyeon in “On melancholy hill”

Ship: Chanbaek

Summary:  Something strange is happening in town and it's up to Baekhyun to find out what it is. It's easier said than done — especially with the new necromancer threatening to take over his job.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15053624/chapters/34898414#workskin

A fic with my favorite trope: My constellation is a fragment of the sun (ongoing)

Ship: Woosan

Summary:  All Jung Wooyoung wanted to do was spend his Christmas drinking hot chocolate and drawing by the fire. That all changes after the Jung family is invited to the castle for Ardendall’s Royal Christmas Ball. Being sent out as representation for the Jung pack, Wooyoung is stuck in the Palace for a month. But Wooyoung knows that the Ball is just an excuse for the Crown Prince to choose his mate. And he has no desire in becoming that person.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28147851/chapters/68968428

A fic with a trope that I don’t usually read: In the eyes of the beholder

Ship: Chanbaek

Summary:  Chanyeol’s hiding a secret that Baekhyun already knows. He can be rather stubborn about it, but watching your husband struggle with a condition like this on his own has never been easy either.

Link: https://yeolliepopday.livejournal.com/39203.html

A fic set in a different time: bluebirds in the moonlight

Ship: Chanbaek

Summary: Chanyeol stood at the front for three years. Morocco, Italy, Normandy, Germany and that folded paper was still there, inside his pocket. The photo that, even if crumpled and deprived of any color, showed a smile more dazzling than any rainbow. The smile of his first love, the beautiful florist that gave Chanyeol a reason to keep on fighting for his life. “Come back to me, Chanyeol” And he did, because he hadn't confessed his love yet.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18936796/chapters/44958520

A fic with a nonhuman character: It’s you 

Ship: Chanbaek

Summary: In which Chanyeol is a beta in love with an omega way out of his league.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24513703?view_adult=true 

A pwp that made me infested in the plot: late flights & city lights

Ship: Lumark

Summary: Mark doesn’t splutter, doesn’t choke- fights against the urge to tug Yukhei down by the collar of his shirt and wipe that irritatingly attractive smirk off of his face. He holds fast against the scarlet blush tinting his cheeks and ears, ignores the heat sweeping across his neck and collarbones. Stubborn and unyielding, Mark doesn’t want to give Yukhei the satisfaction of seeing his effect.Yeah, that lasts about 0.2 seconds, because Mark is so focused on not reacting that he doesn’t realize he’s not breathing.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17791538

A fic based on a book/movie: and miles to go before I sleep (ongoing)

Ship: Lumark

Summary: Mark Lee is, in theory, the perfect candidate to pilot a Jaeger. He's at the top of his class, his drop scores are second to none, and he can recite fifty ways to take down a kaiju with his eyes closed. There's only one problem: he can't Drift with anyone. All of that changes when a washed-up pilot from Hong Kong knocks on the doors of the Jeju Shatterdome.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20955737/chapters/49824203