#this is also apparently a cause for my strange connections / analogies in writing

[sharpsuite]

so fun fact about me, i have aphantasia so i can't picture anything in my head. i also don't have a reading voice ?? but anyways sometimes i'm writing and i'm just praying what i'm writing makes sense to people because i have no idea how it seems to other people in terms of visualization.

[weisswinds]

The Varley Solution

AN: surprise surprise, i wrote more Hubert and Bernie. mild timeskip spoilers. not shippy.

Also on AO3!

__

Hubert von Vestra was not a man who acted in uncertainty. Thorough, methodical, exacting in his precision. Compulsively, almost obsessively so, in fact. It was always in the service of Edelgard, or to her benefit, so he thought nothing of the effort. It was unheard of for him to act for another's, probable, benefit unless it would in turn benefit Edelgard. Hubert von Vestra was not a man who acted out of kindness, or did favors, or even considered sympathy. Thus was the dilemma the head of the Vestra family found himself contesting with, scowling at the documents and notes neatly set out on his desk.

[[MORE]]

The notes were his own, gathered over the course of their time as Black Eagles, the ensuing war carried out without their dear professor, and continued now that they had become the Black Eagle Strike Force. Naturally they were encoded. He was accustomed enough to his personal cypher to scan them with ease. Almost anyone else would find it quite unreadable.

The notes pertained to Bernadetta. More specifically her unique mannerisms, and the likely cause of such behavior. An overheard whisper there, a distantly observed conversation here, and of course his own interactions with her. Frantic speech under duress, leaping to conclusions, terror when faced with authoritative attention negative or otherwise, the rampant persecution complex, the list went on. Her own regular declarations of "Unmarriageable…! Worthless!" were telling enough. It didn't take a Vestra to connect those dots, nor to determine their source.

With a short sigh through his nose Hubert stood and began his routine circuit of the office. The space formerly belonged to one of the cardinals, on the main chapel's second floor. It was a round room, most of the space taken up by a number of desks pushed to the perimeter. In the center was a circular bookshelf. Each desk was used for a different purpose, the change in locale helping him focus solely on the relevant task.

Hubert made a slow lap around the office, examining his work at each desk as usual to see if any solutions came to him. He found himself unfocused, a worrisome and unfamiliar feeling but at least one he knew the reason for. The Varley Situation , as he'd come to call it, unraveled any threads he tried to weave.

"Ah," he murmured, retrieving the long cold cup of tea from the desk directly across from the Varley Situation. He preferred a strong blend that wouldn't lose flavor after running cold for this very reason.

He focused on sipping the cold tea as he made his way back to where his mind never left. He set the empty cup on the desk beside it, one currently tasked with ferreting out the intentions of the few Kingdom nobles in their ranks. As Hubert sat his hand went to his chin out of habit, stroking and tapping intermittently.

"Perhaps her mother would be amenable to a more permanent solution," he mused.

Bernadetta's mother had been cooperative and capable following Count von Varley's house arrest. There was no love lost there, apparently. As he began writing the letter, Hubert allowed himself a chuckle. "This benefits Edelgard because I will be less distracted and focus properly on other matters." It was the circular logic of a child, though not necessarily untrue. In the end, the results achieved were what mattered.

Hubert carried out the deed himself when the time came. The emperor's shadow stirred and rid itself of one more corrupt tumor.

As he meted out the sentence Hubert considered it only right to deliver the news. He found Bernadetta in the greenhouse tending to a rather sharp looking plant in its own pot. Her aimless singing filled the greenhouse before he made his presence known.

"Lala la la laaa, hm-hmm-hmhm la laaaa-"

"Bernadetta."

"-heURGH. Oh, its you. W-what did Bernie do this time?"

"Nothing. I have news of your father."

The shift in her expression and body language was near instant. She seemed to shrink into herself, nervousness turned to the sharp and shifting demeanor of one in survival mode.

"He is dead," Hubert continued.

Bernadetta's mouth fell open, silent. Hubert looked at her for a few moments before waving his hand in front of her glassy stare. She blinked rapidly, then looked at him again.

"Oh, Hubert! Were you saying something?"

"Yes. Your father is dead by his own hand. It seems he saw that a man like himself had no place in the future Lady Edelgard will bring about. If you ask me he was right."

She stared again. Not in abject shock or terror, that much was clear. Hubert couldn't quite place the expression, though it certainly thoughtful, her eyes searching his. He prided himself on being a difficult man to read but Bernadetta was no fool. She was many times keener than she let on.

"Did you," she began, coughed, and started again, "Mm. Nevermind. Can I tell you something?"

She sat on the stone edge of one of the planters, bizarre plant beside her. Hubert nodded. Bernadetta's gaze went to plants across the greenhouse as she spoke.

"I think about him a lot. What he'd say when we see each other again, wondering if he'd change with the world. It keeps me up at night. Would he? Should I forgive him if he did? Could I? It wrapped up my heart like a Brigid flytrap crushing a bug."

"Strange analogy, go on."

"But now I don't have to. It's… It's over," she looked up at him, pleading in her eyes, "Right?"

"Undoubtedly."

A silence passed between them, broken only by the faint clamor of the monastery that seemed a world away. He turned to leave, stopped by her hand grabbing his sleeve.

"Thank you."

He simply nodded, gently undoing her steel grip with his free hand before leaving.

Two days later Hubert was surprised to see a parcel outside of his office door. It was marked with a single capital B. He was thankful for the privacy he opened the package in, for the gasp it forced out of him was unrestrained and joyful. There were two masterfully done portraits, one drawn and the other embroidered, depicting Edelgard and himself enjoying a cup of tea.

Hubert von Vestra was not often a man who acted out of kindness.

[stargleeksil-blog]

Criminal Minds s05e21 “Exit Wounds” review - or  more aptly named, my baby girl is the best innocent cupcake with the biggest heart ever and I am so in love with Kirsten Vangsness and they need to make Morgan/Garcia happening

Episode 21 – Exit Wounds

Hey guys! So I’ve got time for one more review before I have to go and do shopping for the weekend and upcoming week. I also have to buy more Tupperware … sigh.

Ew. We’re starting with butchering fish? I love fish, but I’m one of those hypocrites who can’t stand the thought that you actually have to kill living organisms in order to eat them XD

“Is anyone there? ‘Is anyone there,’ Brenda? Right, ‘cause the homicidal maniac hiding in the shadows is really going to answer you.”

By far the smartest victim we’ve seen so far.

Oh boy, so she actually knows her killer? Oh honey.

“JJ, that’s not the point.”

Ooh, girl talk! I’m gonna love this episode.

“Well, are you gonna call him?”

Call who? Mick?

“Maybe.”

“Emily.”

I love playfully-frustrated JJ.

“Mick Rawson is an arrogant, oversexed, egotistical …”

“Hot British dude with a sexy accent, badge and a gun.”

I’m wet just thinking about it.

“Just your type.”

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

“You know what? I don’t even get you sometimes.”

Lol.

“It wouldn’t go anywhere.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I know our work schedules.”

Now you’re just making up excuses, Emily.

“Okay, you know what? Will and I make it work.”

True enough.

“Oh, no.”

Oh my goodness gracious, I’m dying!

“I know. Don’t say it.”

“But when you see what’s in here … it’s not my fault.”

“They were calling to me, I swear. And they were all on sale. And when you think about it, that means that I am helping the economy.”

“Which is more than I can say for you guys, ‘cause no one else has bags.”

I love her reasoning.

“Please tell me all of those aren’t for my son.”

XDDDDDDDD “They’re not. This one is for Kevin.”

I love you, Penelope.

“What? It is my duty as a fairy godmother to spoil the child.”

True.

“And Henry is finally old enough to be fun when opening presents. I’m not taking them back.”

“Give me my coffee and no one’s gonna get hurt.”

Oh I love this woman.

“Half-calf, extra shot venti, 2-pump nonfat, hold the whip caramel macchiato.”

WHOA. That’s quite the coffee order.

“Next stop, Xanadu.”

Aw, so cute!

“Oh, wait … Xana-don’t. “Time to go to the BAU, ladies.”

Oh dear.

“Maybe I should get a cat.”

Oh Emily.

“Whoa!”

‘Whoa’ is definitely the appropriate sentiment.

“Sorry to ruin your night.”

“What, are you working on wife number four?”

“I see you people way too much.”

I love this show.

So they’re headed to Alaska?

My poodle rattling off fun facts about the town.

“It could be a sign of remorse. Cover their bodies so he doesn’t have to face the reality of what he’s done.”

“Or he thinks the women are trash and he’s just placed them where he thinks they belong.”

Oh dear.

“Garcia, I need you with us.”

Wait what?

“Sir?”

“I’ve tasked a satellite uplink and it’s your job to keep us connected.”

“Yes, sir.”

So she’s flying to Alaska with them? Oh boy.

John Morley: “Nature in her most dazzling aspects or stupendous parts, is but the background and theater of the tragedy of man.”

WHOA.

“Wearing gloves and making sure there aren’t any witnesses – that’s a no-brainer.”

“But what concerns me is the evolution of the kills.”

“Evolution?”

“Well, he started with easy prey.”

Oh boy.

“But he didn’t have to overpower either one of them. Both victims were shot.”

“Which is my point exactly. He killed them both from a safe distance.”

“But Brenda Bright was younger, more athletic. She would have been able to put up much more of a fight, so why not shoot her, too?”

My smart puppy.

“He used an arrow, but he didn’t shoot her with it. He stabbed her.”

Oh god.

“I should let everybody know that reception in the area is unreliable at best.”

“I’m giving everybody satellite phones for communication, and I’ve already preprogrammed all your digits into speed dial.”

“Guess who’s lucky number seven.”

I love you.

So cute how they’re trying to get a good look at the town.

Can we just talk about the fact that Garcia literally has a wheelie bag while the rest of them have a carry-on? I love you, lady!

“It’s pretty isolated out here. How do you get basic supplies?”

My smart puppy.

“You’re sure packing an awful lot of stuff for a fishing trip.”

Oh wow, so he’s actually leaving the place? Where the frack is he going? He’s in the middle of literally nowhere.

“What convinced you she was stabbed with the arrow instead of shot?”

Ew.

“I found urine on the remains.”

Fuck, he actually peed on them? FUCK. Oh, so he only peed on the male? Ew.

“He’s playing with the bodies, experimenting with this methodologies.”

Oh that is gross.

“We’re dealing with a psychopath.”

No shit.

Wait. They covered up the blood that was left at the crime scene?

“You contaminated the scene?”

So they had to do it so the rabid bear in the woods won’t come and kill them. Fuck.

My cutie setting up.

“What are you doing?”

“Trying to make this place a little less analog.”

Oh, tech burn.

“Sorry. I forget my hacker jokes aren’t funny.”

They are to me.

“My name is Penelope. I’m the one who doesn’t carry a weapon, aside from my biting wit.”

Which is as good a weapon as a gun, honey.

“And my job includes combining my kick-ass systems with your sheriff’s department database to get the skinny on your neighbors and you.”

“Or you could just ask us what you want to know …”

“No. Because in my experience, the information superhighway never lies and people do.”

Oh my lovely genius.

“That’s when I check your criminal record. And you, my friend, are clean as a whistle.”

“What does that even mean.”

“No idea.”

Ha.

“He’s already experimenting with his victims.”

Ew.

And apparently most of them are bailing.

“Can you blame them?”

Nope.

“It sounds like your basic survival skills.”

“No, they’re hunting skills.”

Exactly.

“Think about it. The marksmanship, the urine – it makes sense.”

“The urine makes sense?”

I’m with Derek here. Uber ew.

“All right, so we’ve got a psychopath with hunting skills who knows the routines of everyone in town. How are we supposed to keep everyone safe?”

Mission impossible.

“I’m gonna pull an all-nighter, finish going through the town records. Should have background checks by sunrise.”

I love her dedication.

“I’ve got four rooms available.” “Uh, four?”

Oh my honeys, you’re so used to the good life. Get ready to double up.

“I’m not sleeping with Reid.”

HEY! That’s not nice!

“Dibs.”

Oh my freaking goodness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“What do you mean, you’re sharing a room with Morgan?”

Oh god, Lynch the Bitch is back. For like those few moments of jealousy. I don’t like you.

I mean, I love Nicholas Brendon beyond belief, but I hate Kevin Lynch.

“Oh, you’re jealous.”

“Jealous? Why? Because you’re bedding down with a …muscle-bound, modern-day 007?”

“He’s more like Jason Bourne.”

Exactly.

XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

“He took the floor.”

Exactly. Because my puppy is a gentlemen.

“Just make sure he keeps his weapon holstered.”

Oh my freaking god. That is genius writing.

And I can totally see Xander coming out right now XD

“Why are you up right now, anyway? It’s so late.”

“Actually, it’s early. I just got to Quantico.”

“Damn time zones.”

Cuties.

“Hello?”

“Frack.”

XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Are they allowed to say that on national TV?

“Oh, come on, baby.”

“Nice one, Garcie.”

I love it when she talks to herself.

Oh my god.

No.

My baby girl, why are you going after something strange in the dark? Why?

“You’re gonna be okay.”

Oh, I am so in love right now.

“Just keep looking at me.”

“Help!”

Someone help my new girlfriend! “He’s accelerating his schedule.”

Fuck.

“There has to be more to it than that.”

“He brought the body to the tavern we’re staying at. He’s telling us he’s not afraid of us.”

Oh god.

“He switched to a hunting knife. Looks like a jagged edge.”

“It’s hard to say, but judging from the location, I would guess liver or spleen.”

Oh god, he took a part of the victim? Ew.

“He was alive.”

“What?”

“He was still alive.”

“Baby, there’s nothing else you could have done.”

“I felt him leave.”

Oh my god.

“He was there one second, and then – just a body.”

“I’m really sorry that you had to see all of that.”

“Derek, I didn’t see it, I was in it.”

Oh my goodness. I know this is super sad and really traumatic for Penelope, but I can’t get over how tender Derek is, and I’m so in love with the both of them right now.

“I was sort of used to seeing horrible things from the safety of my screens every day, but this was … right there.”

“Why didn’t you go and find someone before you ran out there?”

“Because when I got shot, I remember thinking the last thing I’m ever gonna see in this life is the man who killed me, and I couldn’t let that happen to him.”

Oh god, I’m so in love.

“He had to see something good before he died.”

“You ran right towards the unsub. You could have been killed.”

“I know that. Don’t treat me like I’m the victim.”

“All right. I’m sorry.”

Oh god.

“I want to ask you a couple of questions, all right?”

“No. cognitive interviews, breaking someone’s death down to a science and statistic – that’s your world, Derek, not mine!”

“I will help from mine.”

“Penelope!”

“Derek, let her go.”

“Will you look after her, please?”

Oh my goodness, she is so shook up she can’t even give a cognitive interview, and it’s so cute and sad at the same time that my heart is ripping.

“Was Garcia able to give you any new information?”

“She’s given all she can.”

So leave her alone.

“He’ll have extensive hunting experience.”

Oh god. I really hope they catch this fucker soon.

So they now think it’s Joshua Bradley? I think so, too.

“So you enjoy hunting?”

“Then would you say you take pleasure in the kill?”

“Doesn’t everyone?”

“Actually, no … they don’t.”

Ha.

“Needle, meet haystack.”

I love this writing team.

“Yeah, we need the big guns.”

“Ripped and ready to rumble.”

“Uh, maybe you should sit this one out.”

I love how they try to help her. I love you so much, my beautiful cupcakes.

“Put this bastard where he belongs.”

XD

“No, he’s not.”

Why is she thinking that Joshua isn’t the unsub?

“Reid.”

Oh my clueless poodle.

“Well, welcome back, red delicious.”

“Take a bite out of this.”

Oh my god, I love those two so much!

“Anyone else look like they might be leaving town?”

Of course she can give them the answers.

“Penelope, you are …”

“So ready to go home.”

Oh my darling.

“Do you mind my asking who the father is?”

She doesn’t even know. Oh dear.

I really hope she will be saved.

“It’s for your own protection.”

Crap. They killed Josh’s mom? Oh boy.

“This one’s personal.”

“He played with her body.”

Oh god, I want to throw up.

Oh god, they have to tell him that his mother was killed fuck.

Oh my poor nutcase.

“Please, sit down.”

“I’m sorry. She’s gone.”

Oh my sympathetic poodle, I love you so much.

“You don’t want to think of her that way.”

“If you had gone to her, there’s a good chance you’d both be dead.”

“I need to see my mom.”

“Well, let’s have someone take you.”

“It’s okay, I know the way.”

Why you being rude to my poodle?

“Did you see his behavior shift from wanting to help us to wanting to leave?”

“He’s lying.”

“Because he knows who the unsub is.”

Oh dear.

“Garcia, got anything?”

“Their lives has been torn apart, figuratively and literally, and I can’t find anything.”

“I’m hacking into his college database as we speak. Maybe there’s something about his life in Seattle I may have missed.”

Oh god, please find this fucker.

“Why the mutilation? Why the overkill?”

“Mutilation?”

What is Rossi onto here?

“We need to adjust the profile.”

Huh?

“These animals weren’t mutilated by a rabid bear. Someone did this.”

Oh god.

“An animal wouldn’t have left so much.”

“We should have seen it before. It’s homicidal triad 101.”

Fuck. Oh god.

“I found something uber weird.”

Oh god, I’m seriously nervous about this one.

“Talk about abandonment issues.”

Oh god, someone find this fucking Owen bastard. I want him dead for freaking out my baby girl like that.

“We’re surrounded by waterways and mountains. He could be anywhere.”

Oh that dad is an asshole! “Did you know?”

Don’t be disrespecting my honeys!

“He’s not here. But the window’s open.”

Fuck.

“Sit down and shut up.”

Oh snap!

“I promise he will not lay a hand on you again.”

I LOVE YOU AARON HOTCHNER!

Hey, sheriff, let go!

“We’ve got a problem.”

“They’re hunting Owen.”

Shit.

Fuck.

“Did they just shoot him?”

“They wouldn’t be shooting if they weren’t close.”

“Let’s go.”

Find them, please.

“Hold on, guys.”

“Yeah, Hotch, what’s up?”

“Ok. Got it.”

“There’s a new plan. He’s heading for the harbor.”

Oh boy.

“Drop the weapons and back away!”

Please, just stop it.

“He needs help and he will be held accountable for his crimes.”

God, I hate it when they think they know the system and think it’s against him.

’m terribly sorry for your loss, but please just put your guns down so no one else gets hurt.”

“Who do you think has the higher ground here?” “I’m pretty sure we do!”

Ha.

Now they’re backing down.

“You shot him?”

“He’ll live.”

Yup.

“It sucks, doesn’t it?”

“What?”

“Just knowing that we couldn’t have done any of this without you.” XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

I love how he appreciates her so much.

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“I’m proud of you, Penelope. Despite everything that happened, you came back …and you go the job done.”

“The sight of blood used to make me run away. And two nights ago I ran towards.”

“It means you’re changing into someone stronger than you realize. You cared enough to risk your own life to try and save someone else.”

“Yeah, but … what’s the difference being strong and being jaded?”

“I’m scared, Derek. I don’t want to lose who I am just so I can do this job.”

“We are in one of the most beautiful places on earth. I know you see that, don’t you?” Yup.

“Then we have nothing to worry about.”

“It’s who you are, baby girl. You see the beauty in everything and everyone no matter where you go.”

“That part of you is never gonna change, and I won’t let it.”

“I don’t need you to protect me.”

“Tough. I think I’m gonna stay on the job a little while longer.”

“Yeah? How much longer?”

“Every day of my life.”

“I kinda love you, Derek Morgan.”

“I kinda love you, Penelope Morgan.”

Oh god, my heart is bursting with love right now.

Ralph W. Sockman: “Nothing is so strong as gentleness, and nothing is so gentle as real strength.”

Okay, so aside from the awful murder aspect of the episode, I just fell in love with this one. It’s one of my favorites, because we see Penelope actually helping someone in the real field, not from behind a computer, even though it’s amazing what she does on a regular basis, and we got to see more Morgan/Garcia goodness, and even though Lynch the Bitch cropped up, it reminded me more of Xander than Kevin Lynch so I’m okay with that.

Perfect episode aside from the murder.

I’ll see you guys later, honeys! Thank you so much for the support <3