#this is actually disgusting and very much tmi

[xinnic]

My body is a trainwreck right now.

Okay. So I come back to work after being on holiday to find there's been an outbreak of hand foot and mouth disease. Okay, it's childcare that's going to happen. I work for a week and a half. On my Friday off I wake up shivering at 5am. My next two days are just me having a fever. Not fun, 0/10 would recommend, I demand a refund and to speak to the manager.

I'm feeling fine by Sunday, but just as I'm wondering what the mysterious fever with no other symptoms was about I notice some little red dots on my hand. Oh, fun. I've got hand foot and mouth disease, a children's disease which adults can theoretically get but in practice it's treated as not a risk of transmission from children.

By Monday my hands are coming up in blisters and it's painful to move them. It is painful even without moving them. My period comes a whole two weeks early, I guess because the fever was bad enough my body decided the whole uterine lining thing was a waste of resources and pressed the eject button.

I wake up on Tuesday. There's blood under my nails and I guess that's why my fingertips felt so tight I couldn't press buttons yesterday, there must have been blisters under my nails and I guess I might lose a few of those soon, that's a thing I've read happens to kids with HFMD sometimes. Fun.

My hands are worse, there are blisters forming on my feet now and I can feel them when I stand. And it's not just my hands, feet and mouth, oh no! Every wound on my body is a hfmd blister now! The ingrown hair in my leg? That's a blister now! The dry skin on my arm? Blister! My ear piercings, the ones that have been closed over for years? You guessed it! And best of all, the hormonal acne my panic-induced period caused? Yep! I look like a smallpox patient!

Most of these haven't even burst yet. I can't wait until I start weeping gunk everywhere! Fun!

I can't even go back to work while I've got this going on. I was meant to be saving money right now 😭

[coldwind-shiningstars]

my recent surgery will hopefully help my bladder/bowel stuff so lately I have been thinking about continence a lot, and the ways it is so important to me that we talk about it frankly and openly and the reasons why it is so difficult for people (including me) to do so. and I think there are a few different sides to the shame that comes with talking about it that are differently important?

there's the TMI aspect ("nobody needs to hear that!") where even if you're presenting information in a very educational, straightforward way people think of it as much too personal. and I think if your personal sense of privacy works such that you don't feel comfortable talking about these things you should listen to that and not talk about it, but if someone is offering information, even if you personally decide you don't want to hear it don't make disparaging comments about their choice to share it? I also think sometimes people overcorrect -- over the years I've had many conversations about continence when talking about disability and also disabled fictional characters and a number of years ago a friend told me that they were interested in exploring it but were afraid it was voyeuristic, and while I think it can be and there's a lot to criticize about the culture of "tell your entire medical details to the internet" it's not inherently more voyeuristic than other aspects of disability.

there's a disgust reaction which I also think is valid and reasonable to have, a lot of people have cleanliness related triggers etc, but again that's not the fault of the person actually talking about continence? everyone uses the bathroom. you can be polite and make your own choices about what you want to see and learn about but people should not stop talking about these things just in fear that someone else will find it disgusting

and, on the other end, there's the kink aspect which is the exact opposite problem. I want to be clear that I think kinks are morally neutral, if you have a piss/scat kink that's fine, you do you. but I also find myself worrying, when I talk about it, that people will think I'm speaking from a place of Being Horny For It instead of a place of "this is an important aspect of disability for many people." this aspect is worse when I'm speaking fictionally/fandomwise, and of course that's much less important than when I'm talking about Real Life Stuff, but I don't like feeling like I need to preface things with "I Have Incontinence Myself" because I don't think you need an experience yourself to write it compassionately or well and I don't like Telling My Business To Everyone On The Internet. there's a dialectics! moment where I genuinely believe there's nothing wrong with kinks but it's exhausting that that's the primary people talking about something like this, and also again I want what I say to be engaged with seriously.

anyway it's really tiring to me how even in a lot of disability spaces it feels like incontinence is still either shameful, a kink, or a joke. I'm tired of diaper jokes about people you don't like, I'm tired of one-off gags, I'm tired of "ewww" or "TMI!" as reactions. many MANY people have incontinence issues, and the shame around them really does prevent a lot of people from getting help for them! I want it to be something we can talk about

[bookishjules]

sizzy slut! analysis, am begging <3

the song -> "slut!"

first of all, the contents of this song in contrast to its title perfectly reflect discrepancy between the confident, somewhat promiscuous, untouchable isabelle our girl presents herself as and the softer, more romantic, and even at times insecure izzy that simon knows her to be.

additionally, "slut" is most often used with an amount of disdain and disgust by people who don't approve of the sexual habits of a woman. as a shadowhunter, any time isabelle pursues a relationship with a downworlder, she no doubt receives looks and comments that express such distaste. we don't know for sure if she was with any mundanes before simon, but there's no doubt she would have received an equal, if not worse, response. a not small reason izzy does pursue these kinds of relationships is because of the shock value, but we see how, in dating simon, it became more than just about choosing him because he was someone her father wouldn't approve of, tho that fact remains the same. it's very much in line with the idea of this love and this relationship being hidden beneath a label given by people who don't understand the half of it.

now, for the lyrics themselves..

Flamingo pink, Sunrise Boulevard Clink, clink, being this young is art

these lines are giving so much personality in the casually unapologetic way that isabelle goes about life. and the "clink, clink" line, especially given its position at the beginning of the song, makes me think of magnus's party in cob. just vibes all around. dancing and probably kissing and accidentally being turned into an actual rat? art.

Aquamarine, moonlit swimmin' pool

the first line here uses two words that call to other sizzy-coded taylor songs. "moonlit" -> glitch's "blood moonlit" and "swimming pool" -> paper rings' "icy outdoor pool." there's this idea here of jumping in no matter the consequences, of seeking each other out in the night, which they do on multiple occasions. and of course, there's simon's nocturnal nature as a vampire. when you think of swimming, too, there's this idea of weightlessness, that's tied by the time or season to privacy as well. i've always seen simon and isabelle as being these very buoying sources in each other's lives. and maybe that's just relationships in general, but we see this recurring theme of them being the only ones who can talk to the other in hard moments. it's in cog after max dies, and in lbotw much later on. this, of course, ties into the next line.

What if all I need is you?

there are so many ways this question can be asked. introspective, accusatory, pleading, fearful.. it makes me think of the thoughts that must have been going through izzy's mind before she showed up at simon and jordan's apartment in cols, of the conversations simon has with himself when he's trying to figure out if he loves her (both in tmi and tfsa). with the push-and-pull nature of their relationship, with izzy's fears and simon's inexperience.. there's no way this question, or similar ones, didn't often filter through their heads.

Got love-struck, went straight to my head

if we take this to indicate a level of overconfidence, it fits well with simon in cofa, thinking he could continuously date two girls in the same friend group. it could also be something like the dizziness of a headrush, or like the high after drinking someone's blood, or having your own blood drunk? especially if you're attracted to that someone.. which of course calls straight to cols. there's also the idea of love going to someone's head in a spiraling about said love feelings way and/or taking them to Rational Jail, where they will be dissected. the way izzy does this push-and-pull with simon throughout the series is really an outward representation of what's going on in her head, as she starts to have these feelings and then tries to find someway around that weakness by sending them to her head rather than being confident with her heart.

Got lovesick all over my bed

again we have this image of izzy coming to terms with her feels for simon. i imagine her laying in bed wishing he was there and wanting to throw up because who is she?? and the first time she does reach out for him and tell him to come to her while she's in bed, she's drunk, which can, of course, lead to sickness (honestly i wouldn't be surprised if she actually did throw up some time between leaving simon's apartment and him arriving at magnus's, considering how much she'd drunk and how quickly)

Love to think you’ll never forget Handprints in wet cement

there's something so new and fresh and tentative about the metaphorical handprints being in wet cement, rather than cement that has already dried to form their shape. there's the possibility that someone will come and screw it up, that they won't be able to hold onto this time together. izzy herself is unforgettable; she's a force of nature. simon, on the other hand, may very well believe himself to be so, and i bet izzy wanted him to be forgettable after she found out about him and maia. but he wasn't. even so, as they press their palms into the wet cement, they know there's a waiting period, this "are we permanent?" question that perpetuates.

Adorned with smoke on my clothes Lovelorn and nobody knows

i imagine this as isabelle attending simon's shows, watching from the shadows, the smoke from other people's cigarettes getting on her, and she's just looking at him, a total goner. but no one there is gonna notice--she's too good at hiding her more vulnerable side for that. this could work in the cofa era, but also post-edom, when she may have gone to his concerts just to see him.

Love thorns all over this rose I'll pay the price, you won't

calling back what i said about the title, this could be referencing the idea that izzy is gonna be the one looked at negatively for dating simon, rather than the other way around, though simon does receive plenty of teasing for having so much love for his shadowhunters. i think more likely is the internal struggle i've mentioned before. there are love thorns that have grown around isabelle's rose.. because of her history with love, because of her parents.. and i think to a certain extent, she feels it would be a bigger price for her to pursue simon than the other way around. it hurts to hold her heart out to him in a way simon himself is unfamiliar with.

But if I’m all dressed up They might as well be lookin' at us

this line is so isabelle. just, like, the essence of her. she's always dressed up, and she has no problem with being the center of attention. so of course she'll be confident and proud and let people see her and simon together, even when she's not wholly sure of where her heart lies.

And if they call me a slut You know it might be worth it for once

see my initial rant about the title. i do think there's a little more here too, though, with the "might be worth it." might be worth izzy giving her heart up for realsies. might be worth taking their time.

And if I'm gonna be drunk Might as well be drunk in love

the fact that two very big moments in sizzy's relationship happened while one of them was drunk just makes this line that much sweeter. izzy drinking too much because she's coming to the realization that she really really likes simon, that night ending with them sleeping in the same bed together for the first time, and then simon calling up to isabelle while intoxicated and telling her he loves her for the first time. so it's not just drunk in love, but drunk and in love.

Send the code, he's waitin' there The sticks and stones they throw froze mid-air

as i said before, there's a recurring set up with sizzy where one comes to the other's aid or comfort, where they just know what the other needs. it's this idea of understanding the code the other is sending. beyond that, though, there's also something like a code in the name of simon's band in the epilogue of cohf. i just think of izzy looking down at the flyer, reading "the mortal instruments," then looking up at magnus, and then across the way, where simon is waiting in front of his school.. and the sense of hope and relief and anticipation that would have come over her. and maybe it's more prescriptive, but i do think there's a level of time-stoppage in those moments, of being careful where to step or else everything will come crashing down and she'll be left with the heart-breaking force of the previous six months slamming into her once again.

Everyone wants him, that was my crime The wrong place at the right time

yes, we can relate this to maia wanting simon as well in cofa, but i think it would be remiss not to mention the amount of people who want him for other reasons--raphael, camille, maureen, etc.--a vampire, a daylighter, bearer of the mark of cain.. immortal. asmodeus wanted his immortality. and simon gave it and his memories. i think when considering this a "crime," it would have been, to izzy, a crime against her herself, against her image, an infiltration of the walls she's built up. she put her heart on the line, put her faith in simon, not once, but twice--something she would chide herself for when the smoke cleared after edom

And I break down, then he's pullin' me in In a world of boys, he's a gentleman

it's the way simon can tell when she's breaking down, knows to be there for her when others would have just let her seclude herself or bear whatever weight silently. and he might have been a boy when they started off, but he also has a lot of gentlemanly qualities. he respects izzy. he appreciates her. he thinks she's beautiful in a way that goes deeper than the curves of her body. and izzy has dated enough boys to know the way simon sees her, the way he treats her, is something special.

Got love-struck, went straight to my head (Straight to my head) Got lovesick all over my bed (Over my bed) Love to think you’ll never forget We’ll pay the price, I guess

i know this is mostly a repeated line, but i want to reframe it in the context of simon actually losing his memories. the resignation in "i guess," and the recognition that they're both paying the price. simon has to forget. and izzy has to remember. and this time when izzy is love-struck, it's a headache, a pain that would leave her caught up in memories and what-ifs. and then the sickness comes. for simon, it's the absence of these memories that leaves him spinning. why does he feel the spot where love should be without knowing what it should be filled with?

Half asleep Takin’ your time in the tangerine Neon light, this is luxury

this makes me think a lot of their first time in angels twice descending when they have the whole night to just be with each other. there isn't a war going on, no danger right around the corner. they've fallen together again and they can finally take the time to appreciate that. it's a luxury, because it's something, during those first six months after edom, izzy would have thought was something they would never get to experience together at all. if we wind it back a bit, this also makes me think of the nights in magnus's apartment, when taking their time meant more.. in the grand scheme of their relationship. they were falling back into step still, after the fallout of cofa, and it was a luxury just to spend the night wrapped in each other's arms.

You're not sayin' you're in love with me But you're goin' to

because of the time sizzy did take to get on their feet as a bona fide couple, and because of izzy's realtionship with love, these words hold.. a lot of weight. there's a sense of expectancy here, an understanding from simon that isabelle is in love with him even though she can't quite say it yet. but there's also something cheeky about it, like izzy knows it's only a matter of time before simon says he's in love with her, because how couldn't be be?

Half awake Takin' your chance, it's a big mistake I said, "It might blow up in your pretty face" I'm not sayin', "Do it anyway" (Do it anyway) But you're going to

i can see isabelle having a conversation like this with herself. it's a mistake to keep hanging out with simon because she can feel him sneaking under her defenses. but that's not going to stop her. but there's also "you're a heartbreaker, isabelle lightwood." simon knows he's taking a risk by giving his whole heart to izzy. he's been told multiple times she would walk all over him or that she would break his heart, but again, he doesn't let that stop him. because he does love her. consequences be damned

[im-out-of-it]

PSA: TID RANT KIND OF ABOUT SHADOWHUNTERS AND DOWNWORLDER TREATMENT

I’ve been reading TID (anyone who reads my stuff and actually pays me attention, love y’all, I’m not used to attention lmao) and I had a thought.

the shadowhunters severely underestimate mundanes and anyone who isn’t them. for example:

1. Charlotte couldn’t believe the stuff De Quincey did. this is my interpretation- but I don’t believe most shadowhunters realize their history with downworlders. some may be disgusted with the past but I don’t see any who actually sit with that info and think “wow we treated the downworlders less than and barely gave them any rights.” the shadowhunters in london go on about how they have the accords and THEY HAVE to take Tessa in. I don’t see anything about how they want to, just how they are obligated to be kind.

also why would de Quincey be on charlottes side? I’m just saying. the vampires have been constantly hunted for centuries so why would they suddenly be like OMG THE PEOPLE WHO OPPRESSED US THINK BECAUSE WE HAVE ACCORDS THAT WE ARE BFF?????? they murdered, hunted downworlders without cause or reason. I’m sorry if my family was hunted for centuries, I wouldn’t think everything would suddenly be forgiven. would I go as far as de Quincey? perhaps not but the shadowhunters forget they are vampires and they’ve been oppressed for centuries.

2. downworlders still don’t have rights. they don’t have a seat at the table. they don’t have any warlocks, fairies, vampires attending any clave meetings or even getting a vote about matters that involve them until sort of the end of TMI if I remember correctly. I made another post about the show and meliorn says how fairies are treated less than, don’t get the right to vote, and are treated as evil even though they are half angel and half demon.

3. just because you had the accords, it doesn’t mean downworlders are getting treated fairly. y’all just stopped hunting them without any reason, but shadowhunters are still benefiting from spoils. (some downworlders still have to be careful and shadowhunters still despise them.) and this isn’t touched or talked about much in TID.

4. the way that Charlotte instantly believed mortmain. she never once thought that he was the ringleader because in a way (just my stupid opinion) because shadowhunters don’t see mundanes being intelligent enough to pull off what he had. they know that some mundanes are interested in magic but they never once thought that they would survive or have ambition and be brilliant enough to pull off what mortmain did.

5. it’s very easy to believe a mundane when he mentions a vampire. because when you hear THE HEAD VAMPIRE, you’re like “oh he must be in charge of this whole operation and is the magister.” they saw something evil and instantly thought “oh downworlder” but never thought a mundane could be capable of such. it’s very rare for a shadowhunter to speak good of downworlders that I have seen or read.

6. I just don’t think the shadowhunters really give anyone credit. like they don’t think that someone other than them can be brilliant or determined enough. this isn’t all of them but a whole lot of them. so I’m not calling them all out but a lot of them are awful and act this way. shadowhunters say they have a mandate to protect mundanes but they don’t seem to actually care or really see mundanes as anything except an inconvenience

7. lastly, so why would they think that some tiny male human is THE MAGISTER? I’m not sure what I would believe if I was a character in the series (and if I was, I would write it better I can promise that) but I don’t think I would just take some unknown person at their word. also sometimes they’re too bloody gullible. they just believe everything they hear without actually doing an investigation some of the time lmao

I don’t know, everytime I read this, it always kinda of bothers me in a way. they easily believe mortmain, and Will doesn’t trust Nathaniel (but that’s another story) and I know it takes from the story if they actually investigate and use their brains 😬 but there’s so much material here and I feel that most of TID, CC just moves past the stuff she could focus on- the spoils, downworlder treatment, disabilities, yin fein, etc

not that I’m expecting CC to be a capable writer but Tessa is a downworlder and her whole arc is about Will 🤡🙄

[gothmods]

Mega tmi below the cut (sex stuff again)

Well.

I think i can definitely conclude that while i do have a lot of sexuality baggage from yknow christian upbringing cisheteronormative society etc etc and i still think i have a low sex drive and am not very sensitive down there at least to my own touch and still resent the universe for denying me a dick

I can conclude that i am not asexual. The decade long quest for answers reaches some type of end.

I feel good. Yes in that a weight has now been lifted but more that this is one of like, less than a handful of times getting off has felt good, has been something i enjoyed.

All things considered its a mild enjoyment, it was fun but not earth-shatteringly brilliant. But i think it would be more fun with a partner, which like will probably still not be life changing or anything...

And yet that kinda is why its life changing for me. Years of all this anxiety and self harm and its like, its like ive been standing stuck on the doorstep for so long and the doors started to look bigger and heavier but now they are finally open and i can just. Let go? just sit with sex and sexuality as just another part of [my] life.

I liked it, i want to do it again. This is the first time ive been able to feel that way.

Moving on to less emotional notes

- douching, not as much work as you would think. Ive worked out how my body usually is so its a matter of scheduling but the actual prep was straightforward.

- vibrators are a godsend. Still figuring out what feels best but defs beats the hand by a long shot.

- arms and limbs are awkward. Multitasking very hard, suddenly very much understand the appeal of the suction cup dildo. Towel is very good idea also because lube can and does get everywhere.

- have definitely decided i like anal though. Its fun, reminds me a bit of the gentle burn you get from doing muscle based workouts. But without the pain of doing muscle based workouts.

- i like how i feel afterwards too. Front hole stuff has never felt good to me but also would give me abdominal cramping afterwards :/ i dont remember if that was the case pre-t but its never felt good during anyway so

- clean up is a pain. Wish i had my own bathroom. Picture if you will a guy carrying two different glass toys, a wand vibrator, an enema and a bottle of sex toy cleaner through the yard at night and then having to open multiple doors to get to the bathroom all while trying to be quiet enough to not wake his grandmother up (granny flat bathroom is only accessible via the bedroom 😬)

So yeah probably not something i will be doing often unless there comes another time i get the house to myself for a week or something.

Nonetheless excited to keep trying things.

I feel kinda embarrassed writing all this but the thing is i am 24 and having to learn these things for the first time and thats okay. But also i think the past decade and my relationship with sexuality would have been a lot easier to navigate if i had known anyone with similar experiences. I mean i know a lot of people had similar upbringings to me and we all live in a society but its been. Its been very isolating because of how that affected me.

I dont think ive seen much shared at all in terms of experiences with compulsive self harm in a sexual context. If it had just been anxiety and self-loathing i would have been able to deal with it much sooner i think.

But the self harm was a kind of feedback loop of like, you self harm -> you feel shame and disgust and misery -> those feelings become your primary association with sexual thoughts and behaviour -> the only sexual thoughts you get are intrusive and distressing -> self harm becomes a means of feeling in control of the distress -> and on we go again and again and again

But its over. Its actually over and i want to cry. Its been weeks and i havent self harmed and im finding it a little easier to deal with triggers and just. I want to cry so much because i feel so fucking relieved.

The power of anal sex....

[sparklecritique]

Hello, actual aegosexual person here, to give a bit of insight on my specific opinions on the jokes regarding Uni, and compare them to my experiences in real life.

A few things to say right off the bat-- I don't identify with the label "aegosexual" (I much prefer "asexual", as it requires much less explanation and gets across what I am anyways), but I do fit the definition of aegosexual. I won't get into what I am attracted to, as that's a major tmi and this is not the place for it (plus I know some criticism blogs are minors and I am NOT taking any chances), but I will express my views regarding actual intimacy. Finally, I do NOT speak for all aegosexual people, that is not my intention. I speak for only myself.

I am a sex-repulsed asexual, full stop. The idea of seeing anything or actually experiencing anything makes my stomach turn. I find myself straight-up walking out of movies if something goes even a little beyond PG-13, and take great pains to avoid ever seeing anything like that. This does not extend to fiction (art, writing), but anything "real" is met with the highest amount of disgust on my part. I have no intention of ever doing anything, ever.

Still, there are jokes. I get fictional crushes, which become a point of "poking fun" at me in my friend group (always harmless fun, mind you). They use terms like "top" and "dom" and other things for me because of my interactions with them. They joke about me doing things that I would never actually do. But, they are just that-- jokes. If they ever say something that makes me feel uncomfortable, I tell them to stop, and they do. If their own jokes between themselves ever go too far and they notice I am uncomfortable, they stop for my sake. Though they all have a very crass nature, there's a full distinction between what is real and what is not. That is to say, they would never cross my boundaries.

All this to say that Uni doesn't really feel aegosexual to me-- at least, not to my experience. The jokes about her having sex with others and being horny are... fine, I guess, but-- to put it this way-- there doesn't feel like a difference between Carrie and Uni. To me, they both feel like they have some sort of amount of sexual attraction towards others. The only difference I can tell is that Carrie is actively stated to be promiscuous-- otherwise, there's fundamentally no difference that I can tell.

Aces can enjoy sex-- I heartily disagree with anyone who says otherwise-- but there's a difference between being able to enjoy sex and actively seeking it out. And with the sheer amount of sex jokes regarding Uni in this fandom and the comic itself, it doesn't feel like Uni's ace-ness is being paid attention to at any capacity whatsoever. It just feels like they treat her like any other allosexual character and then scream "SOME ACES HAVE SEX!!1!11!!!" when anyone dares to be even a little bit uncomfortable by how she's presented.

Thank you for the opportunity to speak, I am sorry for the essay in your inbox.

--Faerie Anon

Don´t worry Faerie Anon. I believe your points are valid.

[hyunjinspark]

I can‘t even write detailed reviews and theories about SLWY anymore because every chapter leaves me braindead (in the best way). Like, I’m so overwhelmed with feelings after each chapter that I can‘t put them into coherent thoughts and this was no different, but I‘ll try.

Part 14 was different than I expected. I thought that Hyun was gonna be upfront about having to leave earlier. I also expected YN to (try to) talk things out with Lix and Hana. And I imagined the art internship to be a bigger topic, though I‘m sure it‘s gonna be picked up in the following parts. Long story short, I thought it was going to be a lot more angsty and dramatic, almost loud, but I love what you did with this chapter instead. It was a quiet sort of angst. Aside from being unexpected (for me, at least), I feel like despite it not being as sad as Part 13, the chapter had a constant melancholic undertone. I don‘t know if you did on purpose, but to me, it felt like it demonstrated YN headspace very well. She‘s trying to make happier memories, Hyun‘s trying to cheer her up, Yeonjun and our new (and very likable, btw) character Yuqi were there and despite everyone genuinely trying, there‘s a subtle - yet still very palpable - sadness and emptiness about YN and anything that doesn’t have to do with Hyun. I‘ve told you several times before, but the way you so realistically but poetically manage to write YN‘s mental wellbeing, which to me has well crossed into an actual depression-realm is heartbreakingly beautiful.

I love that Hyun and YN are breaking their own rules, but they don‘t constantly talk about said rules all the time as they did before. They‘re still aware of their situation, of course, but it‘s like they‘re letting themselves fall. I mean so many make-out sessions in a single chapter, you truly blessed us. Them constantly getting interrupted (phone calls, people walking in on them etc.) is a good metaphor to remind us (and them) of their situation, but it doesn‘t stop them anymore and I love that for HyunYN! 🥹 Though, I do wonder how much him finding out he has to leave earlier made a difference. ALSO, THE FIREFLY SCENE? JESUS H. CHRIST, YOU LITERALLY KILLED ME! The beautiful scenery and them just laying down in the dirt and making out? And when he… SORRY FOR THE TMI, BUT WHEN HE PUT HIS HANDS IN HER PANTIES AND ASKS IF HE COULD FINALLY FINGER HER WHILE CALLING HER BABY IN THE SAME SENTENCE, I PHYSICALLY CLENCHED. Like, I felt legitimate tingles. I‘m so glad I‘m anonymous because you‘d never catch me admitting that openly. I screamed at my phone when Yuqi interrupted.

The convo with Felix, I honestly think - as much as he sucks (the SLWY version of him, ofc) - he was pretty spot-on about her hurting herself. Though saying she wanted "things she can‘t have" is very harsh and untrue, the initial thought he had I do agree with. She does seem a bit self-destructive because of the positions she puts herself in. Not only with her past relationships, but her current situationship with Hyun, her absolutely disgusting best friends (Lix and Hana), putting all eggs in one basket by only applying to one internship etc. This self-sabotage is very common for people with anxiety, unhealed trauma and depression, it happened to me as well and it breaks my heart seeing her this way, but it is so important that you made this part of the story. YN is such a mesmerizing protagonist, she is insanely likable, but she‘s not perfect. And the faults she does have don‘t make her annoying or weak, instead they‘re realistic and relatable. YN is honestly a very inspiring character.

I‘m already so excited for your poetic and romantic magic in the next chapter and I‘m curious to see how HyunYN will handle his secret being out and if they‘re gonna have an argument about it or choose to ignore it and enjoy their even more limited time together. This is all I can somewhat coherently say about this part, I wish you could look into my brain and how many thoughts I have about this story, but I absolutely loved it. And as always, you‘ve outdone yourself! Sending you so much love!

-👑

hi, my love ! dw, i love reading your thoughts even if they’re incoherent haha

what you said about the angst undertone, i really like that! i understand, it definitely could have gone the other direction and been much more louder, angstier, aggressive, but i knew i wanted it to be more towards the calm before the storm ~

im so happy you like yuqi’s character ! (except the interruption of course) the rules are so forgotten and theyre so far gone…and hyun finding out he has to leave is responsible for a lot of his behaviour this chapter…

i love everything you say about yn’s character, thank you for finding her mesmerising and likeable, i would hate for her to interpreted as annoying (?) even though she has a lot of self-sabotage qualities perhaps.

and the firefly scene… 😄 you made me laugh. thank you for letting me know that you liked it so much . :D

[vuutarros]

It was a horrible idea to have this girl as a roommate...

Val and I are so burnt out, so fucking stressed out all the time.

She's just so much, all the time and when we say anythi- well, when I say anything, I'm a heinous bitch picking on the poor mentally ill, traumatised, formerly homeless girl. Val might, if she's lucky, get some introspection.

Val and I both have noise sensitivities, M makes so much fucking noise, no matter what we say. Val dropped the toilet lid, this triggered M and can never happen again. She likes to wear her boots in the house (we're not Americans! We don't do that here!) and shuffle-clomps around, which is great because she paces around the whole damned apartment. And she plays her games super loud because she's got hearing loss.

I have issues with scents, like not just autistic issues, but straight up "breathing has become a bit difficult now" issues with some scents, especially perfumes and body sprays and, as I've recently discovered, incense. Thank god, she doesn't also have one of those essential oil diffusers.

She goes to Val or I, but mostly Val, with every emotional issue, from some minor thing like "I stubbed my toe and now I'm kinda angry and sad" to "I'm actively suicidal and I wanted to borrow your knife." She has no sense of degree, so everything is a "sensitive issue" and Val has no idea what she'll be dealing with. This is super frustrating, because fuck we're not mental health professionals, we're both also mentally ill, traumatised bitches and Val is so stressed out dealing with M's emotions that she's failing her classes.

She has like zero respect for my property. She's broken some of dishes and not said anything, I only know of them because I can count how many glasses I now have and because I straight up asked if she knew what happened to one of my (very few) food containers when I was going crazy trying to find it. Plus she just took my lotion from the bathroom and she took my shaving cream.

The food is communal, but I would like to at least know when she's used up my spices or all three jugs of syrup so I can replace them when I next go shopping, not find out that I have 1 tablespoon of syrup left in the house after I made the waffles. Neither Val or I can figure out how the hell she managed to use up 3 bottles of syrup in 3 months when all she cooks is chicken and potatoes.

About a month after she moved in, Val and I went to go upstairs to have sex. We warned M that she might want to put on some headphones. We did not have sex that night, instead we got to have a 2 hour long talk with M about how unfair we were being with our expectations and how put upon she was to have to deal with this when she's having a really bad day. It was super fun... A few weeks later, we were kicked out of the apartment for a couple hours so she didn't have to be quiet while she masturbated.

The other day, Val walked past her on her way to the stairs and quietly said to herself "must go bite girlfriend", this was met with a disgusted "ew! TMI!" That was TMI but she literally told us that she wanted the apartment to herself to masturbate loudly.

She has zero concept of how long something will take her. More than once I've left the house with no makeup and unshaven because she's been the bathroom doing her grooming for over 2 hours. She said she'd be 20 minutes. Tops. We're also routinely late for things.

I have an unfortunate tendency to come across as condescending at times, regardless of whether I'm actually intending to be condescending or not. I rarely intend to. It's just something about how I phrase things, and like maybe tone of voice, I think. I don't know. Anyway, I was explaining to her that if she's going to have the windows and balcony door open when it's 5° outside, she needs to turn down the thermostat so the furnace isn't running constantly and trying to further global warming via my gas bill. I did the whole accidental condescension thing and she got angry. Historically, people getting angry when they accuse me of being condescending goes very poorly for me, and now I just automatically shut down and leave when it happens. Yadda yadda trauma response. Well, this was an even bigger offense than the condescension and became a whole thing. It required a "conversation" to deal with.

"Conversations" about issues with M tend to go one way for me, recriminations about how awful I was and solved only by me apologising. Admittedly, sometimes I have actually been in the wrong in how I've expressed my frustrations with her infuriating behaviour, but not always. The flow of the "conversation" is always the same regardless, tho.

I just couldn't handle that and so it was put off for two days. The "conversation" went like all the others, except for the part where accept full blame.

In the end, it was decided (without my input) that since I am 40, I should have all my shit figured out and since I don't, she could be condescending and shit to me, but I must be a placid fucking doormat for her.

Val and I are both constantly on edge and walking on eggshells around her, because her mood is so volatile and impossible to discern, that we never know what will set her off, what will be unacceptable conversation. And like, my whole existence also has a tendency to set her off, I kinda wear my emotions on my sleeve, so my frustration shows quickly.

We're going to sit her down this weekend and have a talk about this bullshit. Because honestly, there's so much more shit that's happened, it's just untenable. She's been here 3 months and there's 4.5 until the lease is up.

Val's failing classes, I'm so stressed that I don't think I'll be able to go back to work at the end of the month.

[mai-melancholia]

First Entry!

Hi, my name is Mai, or Mel. I made this tumblr account because it seems to take less spoons to journal my feelings and because no one knows who I am (and as far as I can tell, only one person knows tumblr). This will serve as a personal blog for my healing journey.

Although I can write anything I want, I don't want to trigger anyone on accident if they up on my feed. I'll try to pretty up my tumblr as I go! And I will of course put trigger warnings if needed, but even then, I'll try to be mindful. I have been told that I have a very colorful language so I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I love writing out my journey.

With that being said,

I am going to talk about how I am. So, I find typing this stuff out to be relieving. I am practicing how to talk IRL, but right now, whenever I do open my mouth, it's a diarrhea mouth (disgusting I know) : everything just pours out with no filter.

So, for the majority of my life (like 1/3rd of my life), I have been in a relationship; I have never been single healthily. We're talking when I was 16 when I started dating. That is a big portion of my life.

::TMI INCOMING::

CW: I think I'm oversharing basically so it's going to be a lot of spoons to read this part.

So, as a result, I've been extremely codependent on not just my partner but the people I associate with myself with. My life mentor, Storm, puts it better of how bad it is:

TL;DR: I depend on the people I associate myself with to determine my value and it's because of that, I'm going to dissociate a lot because I lost those people.

::TMI END:: But yeah, I'll be journaling how I'm doing and jot down some thoughts.

My main goal of journaling is to put my story out there for those who may be struggling with something similar. This is the first week of blocking. It's hard. I uh... I actually went through a lot of relationships and two of them stand out the most. I'll give them letters. My relationship with the first relationship is C and my most recent one is J.

C and I are friends right now, but we are sorta strain'd. We did the whole no contact thing, and we reconvened in each other's lives 6 months later after we broke up. I got a lot to say about them, but I ain't gonna speculate unless I am for sure certain. For the most part, I'm going to be objective if I ever bring them up.

J and I.... Let's say that it's dicey. It's not complicated but it's just a lot. For now, I just want to move past them because they show no signs of wanting to reconvene. Wound still fresh, nothing is certain, but I right now just want to focus on myself.

So join me in this journey.

Be well.

-M

[mbat]

no im thinking about pregnancy again, as in, how awful i think it is and how people act about it

i guess i have to start with hey! this is just my opinion! if you feel different, hell yeah! im not shit talking you or telling you to feel different! this is literally just me talking about my personal feelings on pregnancy and i dont expect anyone to actually read it and i dont really care if anyone does

anyway i hate how people act like pregnancy is one size fits all. i hate how people act like if you have a vagina and a uterus and whatever that you HAVE to get pregnant one day, that youre going to want to get pregnant eventually even if you very much dont right now. hell, that if youre a "woman" at all, they think youre going to want to be a mother in general.

it really does just go hand in hand with gender role bullshit and how people think that you HAVE to be and do and love whatever youre born with and if you step outside of that that youre the weirdo and youre the one in the wrong, and not that theyre the weird ones for trying to force this stuff on you.

pregnancy, like anything, is for the individual to decide. but god forbid you decide it isnt for you.

pregnancy to me is the worst thing that could ever happen to me. im terrified of it, im disgusted by it, it sounds straight out of a horror movie to me, ive been around it twice irl and it... it just doesnt feel natural to me even though its apparently one of the most natural things we can do as humans. its like looking at the uncanny valley and being told nothing is wrong but theres that pull at the back of your mind telling you to look away, something is wrong, something is so very wrong.

i had a dream many months ago that i got pregnant, and i was near the end of the pregnancy, i had somehow missed the window to get an abortion. i was in a living room surrounded by people, they were all so happy for me. i remember looking down at my stomach and feeling the worst dread. i was too late to stop it, to prevent it, to end it. my options were very few, and all of them were horrible to me.

and of course i havent even mentioned children. i dont want kids! again, its not one size fits all, its the individuals choice! i dont think id be a good father, and i dont want to be one anyway, i want my freedom, my time, my money, my life! why would i want to bring a child into this fucked up world anyway, just to fuck them up more because i really wouldnt be a good parent.

i dont even want to think about the actual birth part. endless hours of pain and disgusting things happening and emotions and... i could never. i could never i could never i NEVER will. i hate disgusting things happening and i hate pain

all of pregnancy is gross though. you are out of control of your own body. its like a parasite to me. something that isnt you is inside of you, and its changing your body and controlling it whether it even means to or not, and you cant just take it out, and its growing and

thats not even mentioning that you can feel it moving around. what. the. fuck.

i hate that people expect this of me. hell, not even just expect, but want this of me. my dad clings to the idea that one day ill give up all my 'i dont want kids' talk and finally be "normal" and want kids and whatever, because hey he wants grandkids :(. you have grandkids!!!! you have 3!!! its not my fault that only one of them is biologically related to you, maybe you should get over your weird attachment to things being biological and just learn to love regardless! i love my nephews and niece, theyre amazing and i love seeing them! i dont hate kids, by the way! i just dont want them for myself!

but honestly the whole reason i even thought about any of this is because, well tmi i guess, i think im starting a period and i just get so distressed about it. i hate that my body does this, i hate that its something i cant control and its disgusting and horrible. i just wish i could take my reproductive system out of me. and so i was like, i wish i could just pay a doctor to get it out of me! but then i remembered that theyd never do that because theyd be like OH BUT WHAT IF YOU MARRY A MAN AND HE WANTS KIDS. YOU NEED TO HAVE AT LEAST 2 KIDS BEFORE WE EVEN CONSIDER IT. and how if someone said that to me i dont think id be able to hold back from telling them that if i ever got pregnant and couldnt get rid of it that i would seriously consider offing myself. if i ever changed my mind about having kids (why would i) i would just adopt anyway.

i hate that my body is expected to belong to someone else, that my choices and my wants dont matter and im just a silly little girl and what i want will change anyway. im a person. im a full on person, and this is my body. i havent even mentioned how being trans factors into this because what more is there to say than 'im a man and that affects how i feel about this thing that people see as feminine'? or my pcos, which i have even less to say about because like, what is there to say ??

i hate that people dont care what i have to say about my own body, and my own future. i hate that my dad wants me to change how i feel about who i am and what i want, i hate that people i dont know that i havent even met expect me to do this thing that changes everything. i hate that people care more about hypothetical people than me. i hate that people think they know better than me about my own body and wants.

i never want to get pregnant. i never want to have kids. that is my choice as an individual, just like its someone elses choice to get pregnant and have kids. theres already enough people doing that in the world, there wont exactly be a shortage because i decide not to. its not my fault that other people see my choice as abnormal and the other as normal, that sounds like a them problem.

[kart0]

Update on what's going on with my life:

So. What a week huh.

Finally went to a different psychiatrist, one that will actually hear what I have to say, and will take care of me. And also confirm my autism diagnosis. Hooray ! She said I was taking too many pills ( I'm bipolar as well ) and we would definitely change that. So these past few days I've been taking less and less pills, and she will give me a new prescription this Friday. I was taking 4 different types of medications, can you believe that ? No wonder I started feeling very very sick since December. I also I gained a lot of weight, and it made me feel very depressed.

Anyways, I've been impressively very happy. Classes have been intense but pretty cool, and I'm thinking after graduation maybe studying to be a teacher or something. I really like helping people, I don't know why but it makes me feel so good and idk. Happy.

Also, remember my coming out post ? Yeah, I figured not only am trans but I am gender fluid to be more specific. Yay ? Makes me feel like a chameleon.

Now talking about sexuality: I know I am aroace, and tmi but sex repulsed too. It's hard because I don't really have much experience with intimacy. I've only ever kissed two mouths and I felt disgusted. But... Sometimes I wonder it wouldnt feel like this if I met the right person. I'm a romantic, after all. But men make me feel gross and disgusted, and they give me the ick and make me feel annoyed. Like. I have a sister and she's in a 5yo relationship and whenever she pecks or kisses or hugs her boyfriend it makes me super uncomfortable.

But also I am scared of women ???? Huh ? I can tell when they're pretty but I can't imagine myself dating a girl. Plus I have homophobic parents. I should avoid girls as much as possible ? Maybe i am too scared if they knew I might like girls. Theyd be disappointed or even disgusted. Asian parents hah

But I wish I was loved and I wanted so much to be in love. I long so bad for someone to care and accept me fully and. Sigh. I don't want and I'm scared of being alone forever. Being autistic makes things everything hard and foggy, I don't know what I want and I don't know who I am and I'm scared. I feel guilty for wanting and not wanting to experience new things, but I am paranoid and too scared. I am touch repulsed but touch starved can you believe ? Whenever my classmates ( pretty men to be specific ) causally touch me, in my shoulder or a handshake, I feel things... I definitely feel butterflies ( i think they're butterflies ? ) in my tummy. My rational brain screams WEAK ASS BITCH to myself lol. I SHOULDNT BE THIS WEAK AAAAAAA I DONT EVEN LIKE THEM ? There's knew specific person that makes me feel the most ? But I refuse to have a crush on him because I think he is dating ( or in a situationship ) with a different classmate ( they were kinda dating but idk anymore ? )

Anyways. He is kinda attractive but I also wish I was him ? Idk what kind of mess my brain is. He's a guy and he's pretty and has a mullet and he has great arms. Sigh ( I like shoulders ) I guess I have gender envy lmao

And he's become touchier this semester, maybe he just behaves like that with everyone ( probably ! I'm very, very touch starved ) but my god sometimes I wanna punch him because it makes me feel things every.single.time! Ugh !!!!!!; like I don't even know if I like the dude but the touching makes my heart skip.

Anyways, I hope I find someone who loves me and accepts me the way I am. None of my friends tries to learn and understand how autism works and it's very lonely. I feel very disconnected and alienated... Specially with my childhood friends. They go to parties and drink and hook up and it's so far from my reality. I also been feeling pretty shitty about my looks. I was gorgeous with my pink long hair and bangs and I used to wear makeup everyday for uni. Now I chopped everything because I wanted to look more masculine. But I ended up also gaining 16 pounds due to the meds. And now I'm trying hard to lose all this weight, and grow my hair again. I'm even considering buying a wig. I feel ugly and fat and lonely and sigh. It's hard to think I'm going to ever find love like this.

Gosh, I'm so sorry for the rant. I needed to vent somewhere and this is my home. I feel so comfortable here. If you read it all, thank you so much !

Oh. Had one more realization

I am also gay. I like men.

[heonie-ween]

.

[hansolmates]

me time (m)

summary; the first time virgin!mc meets her mans (but she doesn’t know it yet) pairing; jungkook x virgin!mc genre/warnings; fluff, college!au, boarding house!au, based on the virgin!oc discourse, female masturbation (thanks to the pretty bridgertons), a lil sad and longing at the end w/c; 1.3k a/n; y’all really brought manhater!mc and virgin!mc to life! this couldn’t be done without all of your fabulous input and support. obviously the virginverse is freeform at this point—think of this more as a prequel for these two. set in freshman year of college, when they’re just acquaintances. (do you guys think of cher from clueless when u think virgin!mc? very outgoing n’cute but also very innocent?) anyway, happy valentine’s day i hope you and your boo (whether digital or in-person) get your me/we time💖

Your wooden lap desk is toppled to the side. Good thing the space between the mattress and floor is small, your pink monstera-shaped rug softening the blow when your water bottle, pencils and laptop fall to the floor. In the back of your head you know everything is fine because the last episode of Bridgerton is still playing, an orchestral version of Ariana Grande’s Thank U, Next continuing on as if nothing’s astray. 

Yet you’re nothing but astray, forgotten about the episode and writhing against your too-small twin as you let yourself cum for the umpeeth time. 

You’ve lost track at this point (how couldn't you? Bridgerton is hot) but from the way your hair mats to your face like a second skin and your pussy feels spent and battered, it’s been awhile. This should be your new Valentine’s Day tradition, fucking yourself until you pass out on your vibrator. 

“Ah, ah fu—uck, yyyes!” 

The sheets are sopping. The grey cotton fabric does nothing to hide your juices that seep from your bare cunt to the mattress. Flinging your silicone toy to the side, you pull your hair up and out of your face. 

Water, you need water. Maybe a cup of green tea with a dollop of honey. Sugar always helps the immediate low after a good couple of rounds. 

However, you’ll never get used to the feeling of cleaning up yourself. The feeling that you’ve done something completely lewd all on your own, no one to assure you the things you’re doing are weird. It’s okay though. You love to be alone, it takes a lot for you to feel lonely. 

You slip on a pair of dolphin-cut shorts, too tiny that they are drowned beneath your emerald green slip dress. Quickly opening the door to your room, you’re met with absolute silence. White walls containing empty rooms and a living room without a soul. Just like you’re expecting in a college boardhouse on Valentine’s Day. 

What you’re not expecting however, is Jeon Jungkook staring at you the second you crack your door open. 

“If you’re screaming that loud, your partner must be doing a good job.” 

Jungkook lives on the other side of the boarding house, therefore you’ve never really interacted with him. Excluding the landlord there’s only five other tenants, a group large enough that you’ve never had to have one-on-one with him. 

You really didn’t think anyone would be in the house on Valentine’s, especially Jungkook. He’s an absolute cutie pie, even though you don’t know anything about him. The only thing you really know is that his sparkly brown eyes are to die for, they remind you of coffee milk tea, a craving you only indulge in at the end of finals season. 

To your surprise, Jungkook looks like he hasn’t gone out all weekend. Him, single? As if! Yet you can’t justify any reasoning behind him being home if did have a girlfriend or boyfriend. His dark hair is fluffy and freshly showered, and you can’t ignore the smell of linens from his soft sweats and long navy hoodie. 

Normally, you’d be quiet during Me Time. You’ve perfected the art, stuffing your mouth with your pillow or playing action movies to muffle out the sound. You thought you were in the clear. The thought of Jungkook overhearing you turns you on a little, makes the dampness between your panties even more evident, but you keep that self-indulgent secret to yourself. 

“Oh, well,” you curl your lips in a smirk, closing the door behind you so he doesn’t see that your room is actually very much devoid of life, “she’s very powerful.” 

She, meaning your favorite vibrator in your entire world. It has ten settings and a heating mechanism. More importantly, it’s rechargeable. You don’t know how you’d survive freshman year otherwise. 

“Okay, TMI,” despite the fact Jungkook’s blushing he’s chuckling, holding a hand out for you in the narrow hallway, “after you.” 

You quickly slip past him, walking into the shared kitchenette. Bare feet slapping against the hardwood, your eyes immediately gravitate toward the upper cabinet. Jungkook is following you, presumably to get his own late night snack. When you lift your arms to reach your mug, you feel a little bit of cool air brush against the uppers of your thighs. It’s a nightgown, a pretty satin slip  that falls over your curves and leaves much to the imagination. A couple more centimeters to get your mug and you’ll be definitely flashing Jungkook. 

“Um,” you practically hear the twisted face he’s making. 

“Sorry—I’m sorry!” you blurt, waving your fingers to catch the handle of your mug, “I’m really not trying to flash you—please don’t fill a harassment report! I just can’t reach my mug.” 

“No, that’s my mug.” 

“What, no! I’ve been drinking from this mug all year!” 

“You’ve been drinking from my mug?” Jungkook is affronted, walking past you to easily grab the mug you’ve been struggling to reach for the past minute. He flexes the bottom part of the mug in your face, where his initials are painted in black. “This is my mug, my parents put my handprint on it when I was a year old.”  

It’s then you notice on the lower shelf, there’s an identical mug. This mug has been buried all the way in the back, dust collecting on the rim. It also has a baby handprint on it, although upon closer inspection it’s smaller and in a more faded shade of black. That’s your mug. 

“Oh, Jungkook,” you feel your heart fall all the way to your ass, feeling guilty, “I’m so sorry. I’ve washed it and everything, if it makes you feel any better.” 

He frowns, holding the white porcelain between his hands. A litany of ideas run through your brain. Is he disgusted by using the same mug as you? Have you potentially ruined a prized family treasure? 

Thrusting the mug into your chest he says, “Make me a hot chocolate and we’re even.” 

You smile a little, eager to please. You quickly get to work, simmering the pan with warm milk and melting chopped chocolate. You rinse your mug with some hot water, letting it sit next to his awaiting mug. For a bit of flair you add a capful of vanilla extract, all while Jungkook watches you with mild awe. The smell of sweet late night confections fill the kitchen, a fitting theme for a Valentine’s night. 

“You’re not burning the milk,” Jungkook murmurs more to himself than you, watching as you pour the hot chocolate in cups without spilling a drop. 

Jungkook is known to burn things in the house. The only thing he doesn’t burn is ramen, and that’s purely due to survival skills. 

“What can I say, I’m an expert,” you wink, handing him his mug and you holding yours. 

With matching mugs, the two of you take your first sips of the melty beverage. You lean against the stove facing him, while he faces you against the marble island. Jungkook smiles and a bit of cocoa touches his petal pink lips. He says it’s perfect and you smile into your cup, absolutely swelling with pride. 

Jungkook’s probably working on his photos. He always says his editing bug is itchy at night. While in passing you’ve said you’d love to see his work, however that gesture of kindness never really amounted to anything. Maybe tonight’s the night. You like art, you’d love to be a little more educated with it. Just as you’re about to ask and strike up some conversation, Jungkook beats you to it. 

“Well, hope you and your partner have a good Valentine’s,” Jungkook holds his cup in salute, walking back into his room, “just keep it down.” 

Oh well. You sigh to yourself, letting Jungkook walk away without a fight or a retort. After all, it was you who implied you were sneaking in a bed partner tonight. Sinking your eyes into the brown liquid, you fall into a lull. The creamy liquid swirls in your grasp, making your muddied reflection ripple away. 

You love to be alone, but it takes someone like Jeon Jungkook to remind you that life gets a little lonely. 

[bibbawrites]

Don’t Touch - Charlie Gillespie x Reader (18+)

Request: Hi!! Can you please do one about Charlie doing ‘no nut November’ and you not knowing... maybe him and Owen made a secret bet about it?? 

Word Count: 1274 words

Summary: you find out that your boyfriend Charlie is trying to complete no nut November, and you decide to try and mess with him 

Warnings: sexual content, teasing, implied sex, swearing

A/N: not my greatest work but also not my worst, this was the most voted for in my poll, getting 52% of the votes  hopefully you guys enjoy this ! sorry for any typos, i didn’t properly edit it lol i was feeling lazy also really sorry if the formatting is fucked up, idk what’s going on but random spaces kept appearing while i was writing it, i think i got rid of them all but i cant be certain lol  and please do not post it anywhere else, thank you! 

Tag List:  @happinessinthedarkesttimes​ @littlemissaddict​ @vicesvsvirtuesfanfic​ @headheartbellarke​ @lovesanimals​ @bartok-the-magnificent​ @juliefromaustralia @multi-universe21 @rangerelik @kaitieskidmore1 @katrina765​

Sav sent a message to Girls Only! Sav y/n !!! Sav boy do i have some news for you Sav some very... interesting news Y/N ooh i love news Madi ooh tea time???

Tori i’m here what’s happening Sav just overheard your dumbass boyfriend and his equally stupid best friend discussing a bet Y/N oh really? do tell Sav did you know he’s doing no nut november Jadah ew Madi ewwwwwwwwww no did not need to know that

Tori and i’m leaving  Y/N i did not Y/N although that explains why he didn’t wanna have sex last night Madi oop Jadah stop this is tmi Carolynn oh god what have i walked in on? Madi can you have this conversation somewhere else please i do not want to think about charlie like this Sav then just don’t Sav too lazy to move chats Jadah just don’t say too much then Y/N wonder why he didn’t tell me Sav who knows Sav figured you didn’t know when you hadn’t mentioned it to me Carolynn sav you are far too involved in y/n and charlie’s sex life Sav that’s how you know it’s a true friendship Madi so how are we gonna get back at them Madi we are getting back at them, right? Y/N charlie at least Y/N unless one of y’all is prepared to fuck with owen Madi i’m a child Carolynn i’m married Jadah also a child

Tori no thank you Sav no. Y/N i said fuck with, not fuck lol, y’all could just prank him or something

Y/N anyways i have a plan

Y/N but it’s not for little ears

Y/N care, tori do you wanna know or?

Tori no thanks lol

Carolynn i’m okay, good luck though x

Y/N ty x

Y/N sav, to our private chat

- 

Sav sent a message to Y/N

Sav spill

Y/N okay so

Y/N i’m gonna make him regret it

Sav as you should

Y/N i’m thinking get sexy, pull out the good wine and seduce the shit outta him

Sav want me to distract owen?

Y/N that would be really appreciated

Sav done, dinner and a movie give you enough time?

Y/N that’s perfect thank you

Y/N i owe you

Sav don’t mention it

Sav besides, gonna make owen pay for everything as his punishment for getting involved

Sav so i’m the real winner

Y/N i love that for you

Y/N okay i’m gonna go get sexy

Sav good luck! i expect a full report tomorrow

Y/N of course

Y/N love you x Sav love you too x

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two hours later it was finally time to begin your plan. You had put on some natural, yet sexy makeup, Charlie’s favourite set of lingerie and one of his cut off shirts to cover it, although cover was probably not the right word to describe how much of the lingerie the shirt showed.  “Hey baby.” Charlie called, entering your shared bedroom and flopping down onto the bed. “You look nice, what’s the occasion?”  “No occasion, just wanted to surprise you.” You replied, straddling his hips. You lent down to kiss him, but he turned his head so that you kissed his cheek.  “I’d love to baby but I’m so tired.” Charlie rubbed your hip slightly. “Maybe later.”  “Oh okay.” You replied, not deterred. You knew this wasn’t going to be easy.  “Actually I might take a nap if that’s okay.” He decided.  “Of course babe.” You lent down to kiss him, before climbing off him, moving in a way so that he would get a full view of your body under his shirt. Charlie bit his lip, and you grinned to yourself slightly as you left the room. This was gonna be good.

- 

Just over an hour later Charlie entered the living room, where you had been sitting, waiting for him to wake up. 

“Feeling better?” You questioned, looking up at him. He nodded.  “Much. Where’s Owen?”  “With Sav. They went to the movies or something like that.” You replied, pretending that you were unsure of your best friend’s plans. “Oh okay.” Charlie sat down on the couch and you quickly moved to straddle his lap, snuggling into him, your face pressed into his neck. He wrapped his arms around you, freezing when his hand brushed against your hip. “Y/N.” He asked slowly. You hummed in response, your lips grazing his neck slightly. “Why aren’t you wearing underwear?” His voice wobbled and you bit back a smile. “Didn’t feel like it.” You replied nonchalantly. 

“You didn’t...” He swallowed. “You didn’t feel like it?” 

You shook your head, grinning to yourself when you felt him harden underneath you. 

You sat up, causing friction between your crotches and pretended to look concerned when Charlie flinched slightly.

“You okay baby? You look a bit flustered.” You asked, secretly proud of how worried you sounded. Charlie nodded slightly. 

“I’m fine.” He mumbled. “Still tired I guess.” 

“Want me to make you a coffee?” You asked, pressing your lips to his neck softly. 

“Actually I might go buy us dinner. Indian okay?” He questioned, practically pushing you off his lap. You giggled slightly, watching him pull his shoes on in record time. 

“Sounds delicious.” You said, licking your lips. Charlie’s eyes widened, and with a quick nod he rushed out the front door, leaving you to giggle over how well this was going. 

- 

By the time Charlie arrived home you had thought of a whole new plan. Charlie had entered the room, food in hand and brought it into the living room, not even pausing to take his shoes off. He sat down on the couch with a sigh. Time to put the plan into action. 

“Here, let me help you.” You dropped to your knees in front of him, looking up at him through your lashes to see his reaction. You untied his shoes quickly, putting them to the side before grabbing onto his thigh to help yourself up, making sure to squeeze just enough.  

“Why are you doing this?” Charlie asked, and you frowned, pretending that you didn’t know what he was referring to. 

“Doing what baby?” You questioned, your voice soft. Charlie shook his head. 

“Being so sexual all of the sudden. It’s like you’re-” He stopped, eyes widening in realisation. “You know, don’t you?” 

“Know what?” You feigned confusion. 

“About the bet, with Owen. To see who can do no nut November longer. That’s why you’re acting like this, you’re trying to get me to break.” He said, and you smiled sweetly. 

“Hmm yeah maybe a little birdy told me.” You sung, and Charlie groaned. 

“Owen?” He guessed. You shook your head. 

“Nope.” 

“Savannah.” He stated, and you nodded. A disgusted look came over his face. 

“Ew, is Savannah trying to get Owen to lose the bet?” He asked and your eyes widened. 

“Oh god no, gross, I’d never make her do that.” You exclaimed. “Your punishment was being teased, Owen’s was paying for Sav’s dinner and a movie.” 

Charlie looked relieved. 

“So if you know, and Sav knows, I assume she’s gonna confront Owen at some point?” He paused and you nodded. “So the bet is off then?” 

“You lasted four days, I think that’s good enough.” You agreed. He stood up, grabbing you and lifting you so that you wrapped your legs around his waist. 

“Perfect.” He whispered, crashing his lips into yours. You pulled away and he whined. 

“What about our food?” You questioned, looking down at the white plastic bag on the coffee table. 

“We’ll microwave it.” Charlie said, before carrying you to the bedroom so that he could officially lose the bet. 

- 

Y/N sent a message to Sav

Y/N mission successful ;) 

[elianamarie-blog]

The Things You Give Pt 13

AN: Another part is up! Let me know what you’re thinking of the series so far because I’m thinking of ending it soon because I’d hate for it to go on longer than needed. But I am having a lot of fun writing it and love hearing back from you guys! Thank you all for those that have been reading since the beginning and if you’re just finding the series, welcome! Enjoy!

Steven Hyde x Reader

October 15, 1978

The Forman Kitchen

Point Place, Wisconsin           

The morning at the breakfast table, things still hadn’t changed between the three teenagers, but they were at least able to be around each other without fists flying, so y/n took that as a plus. Y/n could barley eat though. She had woken up feeling sick to her stomach; the thought of food repulsing her. She nibbled on her toast and couldn’t even sip on her orange juice without wanting to vomit.             

“Y/n, are you okay?” Kitty asked concerned. “You’ve barley touched your breakfast.”          

Y/n groaned. “Just feeling a little sick is all.”            

Kitty hummed and pressed the back of her hand to y/n’s forehead. “You don’t feel warm. Maybe it was something you ate.”            

Y/n groaned again and put her head down. “Maybe.”           

 “Hey Dad, can you pass the bacon?” Eric asked, stretching arm out.            

Y/n gagged and groaned. “Please don’t say bacon.”           

 Eric smirked and grabbed a piece, biting into it. “Mhmmmm…bacόn.”           

 “Please stop,” she grumbled, her stomach churning.            

“It’s so juicy and chewy and the fat at the end is the best part,” Eric continued, laughing.            

“Oh, God! Did you have to say that?!” she screeched as she made haste to the nearest bathroom. She could feel the contents of her stomach rising before she made it to the bathroom.            

“Did you really have to do that?” Kitty asked, disappointed.             

“Yes,” Eric responded. “Yes, I did.”            

Kitty shook her head in disapproval and brought her fork of food to her mouth.            

Red glared at his son before returning his attention to the newspaper.            

“What?!” Eric asked. “She started it!”            

“Oh, boo hoo, she broke your dolls,” Red mocked.           

 “G.I Joes,” Eric corrected.           

 “Whatever,” his father answered. “Whatever she did isn’t worth making her throw up over.”            

Yes, it is, Eric thought.            

Y/n returned to the kitchen, her skin ashen and her eyes sunken. “I think I’m going to go back to bed so I don’t barf all over the table.”            

“Well, okay honey,” Kitty said getting up and taking her plate to the sink. “I’ll bring you some soup later, okay?”            

Y/n shook her head, making a face of disgust. “Please, Mom. I can’t even think about food right now.”           

 “Well, you have to get some food in you,” Kitty responded. “Otherwise you’ll get even more sick.”            

Y/n nodded. “Okay. I just really want to go back to bed.”            

“Okay sweetie,” Kitty responded, rubbing her daughter’s shoulder. “We’ll see you later.”            

Y/n nodded and stole a glance at Hyde before she made her way upstairs.         

“Eric, I need you to mow the lawn later,” Red demanded as he finished his breakfast.            

“What? Why can’t Hyde do it?”            

“Because unlike your sorry ass, I actually have work,” Hyde replied.           

 Eric glared at him before turning back to Red. “Why do I always have to do it?”           

 “Because I said so!” Red barked.                                                 

                                                   --Time Skip—           

 “So, you think you got food poisoning, huh?” Donna asked that night over the phone.             

Y/n nodded before she realized she was talking over the phone. “Yeah, I do. Every time I move, my body screams at me. My back is hurting so much. And my stupid cramps aren’t helping any either.”           

 “Have you been throwing up that much?”            

“Yeah,” Y/n replied, wiping her sweaty and oily hair out of her face. “I think I pulled a muscle in my back or something because of it. Even my boobs hurt.”    

  “Nausea, back aches, and tender breasts,” Donna counted off. “Hey, you may be pregnant.” Donna chuckled at her own joke.           

 “Ha ha,” Y/n chortled. “You’re funny. Definitely not pregnant.”           

 “Yeah? And how do you know?”            

“Because I’m supposed to be getting my period in a few days. These could be symptoms of PMS. Or maybe both.”            

“Supposed to,” Donna pushed, putting emphasis on her words.            

“Shut up,” Elena laughed. “Stop saying that. I’m not pregnant. Eric would throw himself off a cliff if that happened. Or Hyde. Or Eric would push Hyde off a cliff. One of the three.”          

  Donna chuckled. “But seriously, are you alright?”            

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just can’t do much for a couple of days.”            

“Okay, well if you need anything, you know where to find me.”            

“Thanks Donna,” Y/n said. “I’m going to go to sleep. I’ll talk to you later.”            “Alright, rest easy. Talk to you later.”            

Y/n hung up the phone before turning back around and falling back asleep, feeling her stomach churning. Pregnant.            

The word echoed in her head as sleep quickly enveloped her.                                                                             --Time Skip—           

 “Guys!” Kelso called as he barged through the door in the basement. “The Omen is on TV right now!” He hurriedly made his way over to the television set, switching on the movie.           

 “Kelso, what the hell, man? We were watching that!” Hyde piped up.            “C’mon, it’s Halloween season!” Kelso argued. “Tis the season to be jolly!”            

“That’s Christmas, moron,” Jackie said from behind him.           

 “Well, whatever! I think we should get in the spirit.”            

The gang groaned as they leaned back into their seats.           

 “Hey, where’s y/n?” Hyde asked.            

“Oh, she’s upstairs sleeping,” Donna answered nonchalantly.            

“Still? It’s six o’ clock,” he responded. “She’s been upstairs since this morning.”    

“Well, food poisoning is a real bitch,” she replied. “And so is PMS.”           

 “Alright, TMI,” Eric said and got up to turn up the volume on the TV.            

“Oh, Eric, don’t be such a prude,” Fez said. “It’s completely natural. In my culture, we honor women whenever they go through their monthly ordeal. It’s kind of a big deal. We thank the gods and celebrate their womanhood. Then, we bring them flowers and chocolates and some candy too. Or whatever else they’re craving. They get a week off and can stay at home in bed while their husbands, brothers, fathers, or sons take care of everything.”            

“Wow…can I join your culture?” Donna asked.          

  Fez chuckled. “Sure, if you feel like eating bugs for breakfast.”            

Donna grimaced. “Never mind.” She turned to Eric. “Why don’t you do that for me?”            

“Because a woman shouldn’t bleed for seven days straight and still live,” he deadpanned.           

 “Yeah, I don’t trust anything that can bleed for that long and not die,” Kelso said.            

Hyde looked at him amused. “You can’t even be with a woman for seven days straight, let alone be there for her during her monthly problem.”           

 “Not true! I was with Jackie for three years!”           

 “And you cheated on me at least once a month!” Jackie responded. “Hey…wait a minute!”           

 “You guys, women are sacred. They need to be honored and cherished during this time because the pain they go through, we will never understand,” Fez said gently.            

 “We don’t understand?” Hyde said. “Have you ever been kicked in the nads?”            

“Okay, sure, but imagine getting kicked in the nads for at least 3 days straight,” Donna responded.             

“Oh, God!” Eric said, squirming in his seat. “I can’t even imagine that!”            

“Well, sometimes, it’s even more painful,” Jackie added.             

“What does it feel like?” Kelso asked, staring at her.            

“Well, it can feel like someone is taking a knife to your pelvis and slowly twisting it,” Jackie responded causing all the men in the room to squirm, except for Fez.            

“Fez, man, how are you not effected by this?” Kelso asked.            

“I grew up with five sisters,” he responded, shrugging. “Nothing I’m not used to.”            

“Are you guys seriously talking about periods?” Y/n asked as she slowly made her way down the stairs.            

“Hey, you’re up,” Donna stated. “How are you feeling?”            

“Pretty lousy,” Y/n said. “But I’d rather be miserable with company than go through it alone.” She plopped down on the couch next to where Hyde was sitting.            

“Are you going through your…girl problem?” Kelso asked nervously.            

“What? No,” Y/n replied. “I mean, I could be, but it could also be food poisoning.”           

 “Well, what did you eat?” Hyde asked.            

“Nothing out of the ordinary and nothing that you guys didn’t eat,” she replied.           

 “Must be the PMS thing then,” Donna said, laughing when Eric shifted uncomfortably in his seat.           

 “Can we please stop talking about my sister’s cycle? It’s giving me a very vivid image that I’d rather not have.”            

“Y/n, do you need anything?” Fez asked sweetly. “Chocolate? Water? A hot water bottle?”            

Y/n smiled at him. “Why, yes, Fez. That would be lovely.”           

 “Okay, I’ll be right back!” Fez beamed and hopped out the chair to run out the door.           

 “Hey, man, why are you taking care of my chick?” Hyde asked, stopping Fez at the door. “That’s my job.”           

 “Then why aren’t you doing it?” Fez shot back.            

Y/n’s mouth fell open in a laugh as she covered it with her hand. Donna and Jackie tightened their lips to keep themselves for laughing.            

“’Cause she didn’t ask,” he responded.            

“She shouldn’t have to,” Fez said calmly. “You should just do it for her. That’s how you keep your woman happy.”            

“Then why couldn’t you keep Jackie happy?” Hyde quipped.            

Y/n gasped. “Steven!”            

“No, no it’s okay,” Fez said, oddly calm. “You know, Hyde, normally that would bother me, but not today because I’m not the one having another man making my woman happy.”            

Hyde grabbed the nearest object—a magazine—and threw it at Fez, but before it could hit him, he slammed the door shut; the magazine hitting the door with a thud.            

 “He’s right, you know,” Y/n responded with a smile.            

“Do you really feel that way?” Hyde asked her.            

Y/n shrugged. “Not really. It would be nice though.”            

“I see,” Hyde said and stood from his chair, stalking his way to his room.           

 “Steven, wait!” she called after him. “I wasn’t being serious!”            

He flapped a hand at her without turning to look at her and slammed his door.            

“Wow,” Jackie said, puffing out her cheeks. “That escaladed quickly.”           

Y/n shrunk down in her seat, feeling guilty. “What else is new with this group?” 

 “This is great!” Eric beamed, causing everyone to stare at him in confusion. “Now Hyde is mad at you too! Not just me.”           

 Y/n groaned and stood up slowly. “You’re an immature dillhole. I’m going back to bed.”           

 “What should I tell Fez when he gets back?” Donna asked.           

 “That I’m upstairs and he can come up.”           

 “I don’t think Hyde will like that very much,” Kelso mentioned.            

“Who cares?” Eric griped.           

 “Look, I’ll deal with Hyde later,” Y/n responded, ignoring her twin. “Right now, I just want to feel better.” She trudged up the stairs, leaving the group alone.           

 “What a mess,” Donna said.          

  “Tell me about it,” Jackie responded. “Eric, are you still mad at them?”           

 “Of course, I am!” he responded, surprised that Jackie would ask him such a question. “How can I not be?”           

 “Well, you can try not being mad,” Jackie suggested sarcastically.            

 “Eric, give it a rest, yeah?” Donna said. “It’s been over a week.”           

 Eric growled and leaned back in his seat.            

 “He was supposed to be moved out by now,” he mumbled.           

 “Shut. Up. Please,” Donna snapped. “He literally has nowhere to go. You have to be a real prick to throw him out on the streets. It’s not like he murdered your sister.”            

“You just don’t get it, Donna!” he whined. The whole group groaned.            

“Yeah, yeah, yeah we don’t get it because it’s not our sister and we would be pissed too if Hyde was nailing her, blah blah blah. Seriously, Eric, I’m sure I speak for all of us when I say we’re sick of hearing about it,” Kelso said, irritated. He just wanted to watch the movie. Why wasn’t anybody respecting that?            

Eric furrowed his brows at his friends. “You guys really feel this way?”            

“YES!” Jackie, Donna, and Kelso said in unison.           

 “Oh. Well, then, fine,” Eric grumbled and stood up.           

 “Where are you going?” Donna asked.           

 “Since you guys are tired of hearing about it, I’m going to go somewhere else.”           

 “Oh my God, you are such a drama queen,” Donna groaned. “Just sit back down and watch the movie with us.”            

“Nah, I’m good. See you guys later.” With that, he grabbed his coat and shut the door, leaving the three teenagers left to watch the movie.            

“He’s gotten more annoying than usual,” Jackie commented.            

“You know, Jackie, normally I would be offended by that, but this time I have to agree with you,” Donna responded.            

“Well, now we can watch the movie,” Kelso said.            

The three sat in silence on the couch until Kelso tried to sneak his hand up Donna’s leg.           

 “Kelso!” Donna screeched as she slapped his hand away.           

 “Damn, Donna! I was just looking for the remote!”           

 “The remote is on the table, you idiot,” Jackie pointed out.           

 Kelso looked between the two girls with a hurt look. “Women are mean!” He stomped out the basement, forgetting the movie.            

The girls looked at each other and shrugged, returning their attention to the TV before Donna got up to change it back to the channel they were watching.                                                

                                                 --Time Skip—            

Y/n stared down at the home pregnancy test, shock filling her. Positive. The test was freaking positive. She was going to be a mother. Oh God, how would everyone else react? What kind of mother was she going to be?           

 “Oh, Y/n, how could you?” Kitty asked from behind her, hurt playing on her face.    

“Wait, Mom--!” Y/n tried to call after her mother before Red showed up at her side.           

 “How could you be such a disgrace to the family?!” Red shouted, his face turning pink. Kitty turned to her husband’s side and started sobbing. “Look what you’re doing to your mother!”            

“No, but Daddy—” Y/n said, tears welling in her eyes.            

“Wow, you’re such a whore!” Eric laughed as he suddenly appeared by their parents’ side. “And here I thought Laurie would be the one to get knocked up from some rando.”            

“What?” she asked her twin, tears cascading down her pale cheeks.            

“Wow, little sister, you certainly top me,” Laurie said, smirking.            

“Laurie?” Y/n questioned.           

 “I’m leaving you,” Steven said coldly, appearing in front of her. “You were just a fling. You knew this from the start. I can’t have a baby with a loser.”           

 “You said you loved me!” Y/n screamed.          

  “I lied,” Steven said and smirked. “I only strung you along so that I could nail you. Now, look at you. You’re fat and alone.”            

Y/n looked down and saw that her stomach had enlarged. “What?” she whispered.           

 “We can’t have you in the family,” Kitty suddenly said. “We can’t have a whore in the family.”            

“You have Laurie!”           

 “At least she didn’t get pregnant!” her mother shot back. “You and your mistake can get out of our house, out of our lives. You’re no longer welcome!”            

“No, Mom! Please, I need you. I need Daddy and Steven, please. I can’t do this alone. I need you more than ever.”           

 She went to grab his hands, but he jerked away from her. “Well, you’re gonna have to do it alone.”            

Tears cascaded down her face as she tried to blink them away, but as quickly as they appeared, they disappeared. Suddenly, Y/n found herself sitting alone in a total darkness, a single light shining above her.           

 “No,” she whimpered, looking around. “No. No. NO!”            

Y/n jerked awake, sweat coating her forehead. Her breathing was slightly heavy as she glanced at the clock. 2:08AM. She sighed and fell back onto her pillow, fingers threading through her sweaty and knotted hair. She couldn’t believe she’d been asleep for eight hours.            

Her room suddenly flooded with light as Kitty, dressed in her pink robe, hair a rat’s nest, stood in her cracked door. “Y/n, honey, are you alright? I heard you yelling.”           

 “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” Y/n replied. “Just had a nightmare.”            

“Oh, honey, it’s okay,” Kitty replied and moved closer to adjust herself on the bed. “You know, when you were little, you would get nightmares all the time. And the only thing that would soothe you and get you to go back to sleep is when I would gently caress your hair until you fell back asleep.”            

Y/n smiled softly. “Too bad I’m older now, huh?”            

“Oh, nonsense,” Kitty said and leaned over, caressing her hair back. “You’re never too old for your mother’s love.”            

Y/n smiled and turned on her side, facing Kitty.            

“You wanna talk about it?” she asked her daughter after a moment of silence.            

Y/n thought about it for a minute. She actually wanted to talk to her about it, but she knew if she did, she could open up something that she really didn’t want to. Even if it were just a dream, Kitty would know that it was something much deeper than that.            

“No,” she responded after a beat. “I’m okay. Thank you, though.”          

  “Of course sweetheart,” Kitty cooed. She continued to smooth Y/n’s hair, effectively calming her down. Fifteen years later and it still works.           

 Y/n could already feel sleep overcoming her again. “Thank you, Mommy,” she mumbled as her eyelids grew heavier.            

“You’re absolutely welcome,” Kitty responded and leaned over to kiss her forehead. “I love you.”           

 “I love you too,” Y/n whispered before falling asleep once more.                                                                         

                                                 ⧝⧝⧝            

Y/n woke up the next day, just as horrible as the day before. She dragged herself out of bed and trudged downstairs to see her family eating lunch.            

“Morning Sunshine,” Kitty cheerfully greeted her. “You must be really sick to sleep in till noon.”            

Y/n grunted back and grabbed some orange juice and sat down. The smell of their lunch making her nose curl, repulsing her.           

 “How’re you feeling, kitten?” Red asked.            

“I’m okay,” Y/n responded. “Could be better. Still feel kinda nauseas and tired.”            

“You want some dry toast?” Kitty asked. “You haven’t eaten much.”           

Y/n nodded tiredly and put her head on the table. “I’d love some actually.”            

Kitty smiled and got up, popping bread in the toaster. “Oh, your foreign friend dropped off some stuff for you. I left it here on the counter.”            

“Hm?” Y/n hummed, looking at Kitty.            

“He said something to do with your menstrual cycle, so he dropped off a hot water bottle, some midol, and a box of chocolate.”           

 “Oh, come on, Kitty, not while we’re eating!” Red exclaimed, disgusted.           

 The whole time, Eric and Steven had been quiet. Steven glared at the gifts through his aviators. Eric rolled his eyes and continued to eat his lunch.            

“What a sweet boy!” Kitty laughed. “You know, I don’t think I’d mind if you ended up with him.”            

Y/n smiled as Kitty set a plate of two slices of dry toast in front of her.           

 “I’m going to make you some tea as well. You gotta get some liquids in you,” Kitty stated.           

 “Kitty, don’t put ideas in her head!” Red said, throwing down the paper he was reading.           

 “What do you mean by that?” Y/n asked, offended. “Is it because of his skin color?”            

“What?” Red asked, scrunching up his face. “God, no! I don’t want you dating anybody. You’re too young.”           

 “Dad, I’m eighteen,” Y/n deadpanned as she nibbled at her toast. “Eric and Donna have been dating since they were, like, eight.”            

“No, we haven’t,” Eric argued.            

 “Shut up, yes you have,” Y/n said.            

“Eric’s different,” Red continued. “Eric is a man, or as close of a man as he can get. Besides, Donna is the best he’s ever going to do.” He started laughing, but he was the only one who found that funny.           

 “Thanks Dad,” Eric deadpanned.            

“Red Forman!” Kitty exclaimed.            

“What? It’s funny!” Kitty gave him a hard look making him shut up. “Fine, it’s not.”            

Y/n managed a small smile before bringing a piece of toast to her lips. “Don’t worry, Dad. I’m not even seeing anyone.”            

Eric stopped mid-bite to give side eye to his twin sister. Y/n returned a hard, cold stare to her brother as if to say don’t you freaking dare.           

 “So, Fez gave you those huh?” Steven asked.            

“Yeah, I guess,” Y/n replied. “That was really nice of him.”           

 “Yeah, real nice,” he responded slowly.            

“It was,” Y/n replied, staring at her boyfriend in suspicion. “You got something to say?”           

 “No, why would I?” he responded. “Why would I have anything to say that my best friend is flirting with my…other best friend?”            

Kitty stood at the stove as she waited for the tea to heat up and squinted her eyes at Steven before looking to her husband who was giving him the same look.           

 “What’s your deal, Hyde?” Y/n asked him, growing annoyed with him.            

“Oh, nothing,” he responded. “I’m just saying that he’s never done this for another girl before unless it was Jackie.”            

“Steven, what’re you getting at?” Red asked him.            

“Oh, I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me, Y/n?” Hyde said, staring coldly at her.           

 Y/n returned the glare. “If you’re insinuating that Fez likes me, you are terribly, terribly wrong.”            

“Then why would he do it for you?” he asked impatiently.           

 “I don’t know!” Y/n responded, flabbergasted. “Because he wants to be nice?”            

“Nice, ha!” Steven hollered, causing everyone to look at him in surprise. “Guys don’t do things just to be nice.”            

Y/n gave him a look. “Why do you care so much what he does?”           

 “Yeah, Hyde. Why do you care?” Eric asked with a smirk.            

Steven realized what he was doing and looked at everyone who was looking at him with furrowed brows. He straightened his posture and looked down at his lunch, clearing his throat. “I don’t. I just find it rather odd.”            

“And if Fez does like me, what’s it to ya?” Y/n asked, cocking her head to the side.           

 “It doesn’t,” Hyde replied coldly, taking a sip from his iced tea.             

Y/n lifted an eyebrow at him before finishing off her toast.             

“Is there something going on between you two?” Red asked.            

The couple stole a glance at each other before looking to Red.           

 “No, not at all,” Y/n replied casually.           

 “Why would there be?” Steven asked.            

“I don’t know. You’re acting weird,” Red commented. “Stop it.”            

Steven grinned at him. “Yes, sir.”           

 “Here’s your tea, sweetheart,” Kitty said, bringing over a mug of tea. “And I put in some honey, Honey.” She laughed at her own joke.            

Y/n chuckled softly. “Thanks, Mom.”           

 “Oh, by the way, Sasha called for you yesterday,” Kitty said, sitting back down.            

Y/n perked up. “She did? Why?”          

  “I’m not too sure. She wanted to talk to you about something, but I told her you weren’t feeling well. So, I took down her number and told her you’d give her a call back when you feel better.”           

 “Yeah, I’ll call her back once I can stop vomiting.”            

“And yet, you’ve been able to achieve that this whole time,” Eric said sarcastically. “Must feel nice to finally be able to achieve something for once. Congrats, sis.”           

Y/n glared at him. “If I could control it, I’d do it on you right now.”            

“Okay, that’s enough,” Kitty cut in. “Finish your lunches.”            

“I can’t. I’m going downstairs to watch TV,” Y/n whimpered.           

 “Okay. Don’t forget your tea!” Kitty called out.            

Y/n turned back around and grabbed the warm mug between her cold hands and made her way downstairs. On her way, she grabbed the midol and the hot water bottle.            

At this point, Steven was seething as he watched his girlfriend take Fez’s gifts.        

 “Alright, well, I’m heading out for a few,” Steven announced, quickly getting up. “Thanks for the lunch, Mrs. Forman.”           

 “Oh, you’re welcome, dear,” she responded.           

 “Wanna come?” Hyde asked Eric.            

Eric looked up at him. “What for?”           

 “Just come on,” Hyde pushed and grabbed Eric by the shirt, tugging him out the door.           

 “But I’m not finished!” Eric whined.           

 “You are now,” Hyde said before closing the sliding door.            

“What’s with them?” Red asked.           

 “I have no clue,” Kitty responded, not caring. “They’re always up to something.”             

Outside, Eric shoved himself out of Hyde’s grasp. “What the hell, man?”            

“Get in the car,” Hyde ordered, unlocking the El Camino.            

“What? No,” Eric said, standing in his place.           

 “Get in. We have to talk.”           

 Eric crossed his arms. “I have nothing to say to you.”            

 “Great. Then you can just listen,” Hyde responded standing in front of the driver’s side door, waiting for Eric to get in. His arm rested on top of the car casually as if not a care in the world. “You going to get in?”            

“Why should I?”           

 Hyde groaned. “Just get in the car, man!”            

“Are you kidnapping me?” Eric asked as he slowly made his way to the passenger’s side.            

“Of course not.”            

“You gonna take me to the middle of nowhere, take my clothes after you convince met to skinny dip in the lake, and abandon me while I walk around naked and afraid like last time?”            

Hyde rolled his eyes. “I came back for you, didn’t I?”           

 “Three hours later!”           

 “For the love of God, just shut up and get in the car!”           

 “It was so cold,” Eric whimpered as he slid in the front seat and shut the door. “Where are we going?”           

 “For a drive,” Hyde responded and backed out the driveway. Once they were on the road, Hyde broke the silence. “Listen, man. This whole thing between you, me, and Y/n has gotten way out of hand.”            

“You don’t have to tell me.”            

“What happened to you shuttin’ up and letting me talk?”           

 Eric sighed, making a face. “Fine.”           

 “Look,” Hyde began. “I know you’re pissed off at us for dating and going behind your back—”           

 “And lying.”           

 “…Yeah, and lying about it. But I need you to know that everything I said is true. Y/n is the best thing that’s ever happened to me and when I say that I will do whatever I can to make her happy, I mean it. And this whole ending a friendship over it is stupid.”           

 Eric stared at Hyde in disbelief. “You’re serious about this? About my sister?”             

“Yeah, man. That’s why I’m here talking to you,” he responded and turned onto the main road. “I know we could’ve gone around it differently, but come on man, what would you have done? You’ve been saying that we need to put ourselves in your shoes, well put yourself in our shoes. Imagine if Donna was my sister, but you really liked her. What would you have done?”           

 Eric was silent for a minute. “Well, we probably wouldn’t be friends considering you kissed her and tried to get with her.”            

Hyde gave an exasperated sigh. “Man, will you focus?”            

 Eric thought about it for a second. “I guess I can understand that.”           

 “And I want you to know that I won’t disappoint her. I will take care of her and make sure she gets everything she wants and needs. I’m not going to be like the rest of my family and be a deadbeat and end up in prison. I will do good for her.”            

Eric turned his gaze to him and suddenly felt an anchor of guilt settle in the pit of his stomach. “Oh, man. Look, Hyde when I said that…I didn’t mean it. I was angry and—”           

 “It’s fine,” Hyde said, cutting in.            

“No, no it’s not,” Eric turned to face him. “It was wrong of me to say that to you. It’s just that…she’s my sister, man. My twin, you know? My favorite sister. I can’t help but feel, you know, maybe a little overprotective of her.”            

“No, but you were right,” Hyde confessed and turned onto the highway. “I probably was headed down that path anyway. But being with her has actually made me want to be better.”            

Eric looked at Hyde like he had two heads. “You look like my friend, but you don’t sound like him. Where’s Hyde?!”           

 Hyde chuckled and turned off the highway, noticing Eric calling him his friend. “I know. It’s sickening.”            

Eric laughed and turned back around, facing the front. He noticed they were entering downtown. “Hyde…where are we going? This isn’t just a drive anymore.”            

“You’ll see in a minute,” he said and continued down a narrow road before stopping in front of a super store. He turned the car off and sat back quietly. “Just so you know, this wasn’t easy for me to talk about it. So, if you tell anyone, I’ll deny the whole thing.”            

Eric nodded and looked at Hyde seriously. “I’m still not happy about it, but I guess I don’t have a choice but to accept it. You two really do seem happy.”            

Hyde nodded and looked down. “We are, man.”            

“Just…don’t hurt her,” Eric said. “Then I’d have to kick your ass and then I’d end up getting my ass kicked and then Red will kick my ass for getting my ass kicked and then he’d hunt you down like a dog and then he’d kick your ass.”            

Hyde sat there in stunned silence. “Wow…that’s…detailed. How long have you been sitting on this?”            

“Pretty much since I found out.”           

 “Wow.”           

 “Yeah,” Eric replied. “Also, one more thing. I don’t wanna hear or see you and my sister doing anything. The image of you two doing anything makes me want to hurl.”          

  “Deal,” Hyde chucked. “So, are we good?”          

  Eric looked at him for a moment and grinned. “Yeah, man, we’re good.”            

Hyde nodded and the two boys lifted their hands, bringing each other in for bro-hug.           

 “Can I just ask you one question, though?” he asked.            

Hyde hummed.           

 “Why her? Why Y/n?”            

Hyde sighed, shaking his head. “I don’t know, man. She’s different. She’s smart and actually funny, interesting, and genuine. Really sweet and cares about others beside herself. Besides, she’s smoking hot.”            

“Well, I’d never thought I’d hear my best friend put my sister and ‘smoking hot’ in the same sentence,” Eric retorted and pretended to gag. “Really, really unpleasant.”           

 “I know. I just said that because I think it’s funny,” Hyde laughed.          

  Eric slugged him in the shoulder. “And every time you say stuff like that, you’ll get hit.”            

They laughed lightly together before Eric slapped a hand on Hyde’s shoulder. “And, uh, don’t worry about my parents. Your secret is safe with me.”            

“Thanks, man,” Hyde replied. “Well, let’s go inside.”           

 “Why are we at this one?” Eric asked, joining Hyde outside the car. “You know there’s like three different stores in town. Why this one?”           

 “Because this is the biggest one in Point Place and they have everything I want.”           

 “Which is?”           

 “You’ll see.”            

As they entered the store, Hyde went for the first thing he saw: flowers. Specifically, half a dozen red roses. Then he went towards the freezer section, grabbing a pint of her favorite ice cream: mint chocolate chip.           

 “Ice cream?” Eric questioned.            

“I heard chicks really dig ice cream during their…problem time.”           

 “Yeah, Donna eats like four of those.”           

 “Damn,” Hyde sighed. “I’m, uh, I’m not very good at this. All I know is I want Y/n to feel better and I was kind of a jerk earlier.”           

 “Yeah, about that,” Eric piped up, browsing the ice cream flavors. “Why were reacting that way?” Eric’s eyes grew a fraction wider. “You were jealous, weren’t you?”           

 “What? No. I don’t get jealous.”            

“You so did!” Eric laughed. “You hated that Fez bought all that stuff for her because you felt like a bad boyfriend for not thinking about it earlier!”            

“You wanna get your ass kicked this early in the day?” Hyde threatened.             

Eric continued to laugh at him. “Just admit it. You totally did.”          

  Hyde rolled his eyes as he found his way to the soft drink section and grabbed a few bottles of ginger ale. “Okay, fine, maybe a little. But he shouldn’t have been hitting on her. She’s my chick. I should be the one getting all the stuff she needs.”           

 “And that’s what you’re doing now,” Eric stated, looking around. “Is that why you brought me here? To help you find stuff that she would like?”            

“No,” Hyde answered as they entered another aisle. He found a tin box of saltines and bent down to grab them. “I know what she likes; I don’t need you for that. I mainly brought you here so that we could sort crap out.” He picked up a box of assorted chocolates, something he knew she’d like.             

“You trying to tell me something?” Eric smirked, causing Hyde to chuckle. “Don’t you think you maybe going a little overboard?” He asked when he noticed Hyde putting everything in the basket.           

 “Maybe,” he answered honestly and led Eric away from the grocery section. “I just want her to know that I care.”            

“Well, she’ll definitely get that message,” the twin responded and noticed where Hyde was leading them. “Seriously? Condoms?”           

 “You don’t want me to knock her up, do you?”           

 “I’m still trying to accept you two and by you doing this in front of me is really bumming me out.”           

 Hyde laughed cruelly. “That’s kind of funny.” He quickly grabbed a pack and threw it in the cart. “Just don’t look at ‘em.”           

 Eric sighed and looked away. “What else are you giving her?”           

 “Besides a good time?”           

 Eric dramatically screeched and squirmed. “Please. Stop. Saying. That.”           

 Hyde burst into laughter, laughing at his friend’s discomfort. “That will never get old.”          

  “You’re a sadistic son of a bitch, you know that?”                                                        

                                                   —Time Skip—            

Y/n laid on the couch in the basement, wrapped up in a blanket, mindlessly watching tv. She was in and out of consciousness for the good part of the afternoon. Even though she was sick, she was still upset about her little dispute with Hyde.            

When did he become so jealous? Why would he think that of Fez? And worse of all, why didn’t he trust her enough? It hurt, but she was more curious as of why. She could feel her stomach beginning to churn again as it was ready to bring back up what she brought down earlier. 

Please, God, no. She quickly sat up, the room spinning for a minute, before she ran back to the bathroom and found herself with her head in the toilet. This had to be the forty-fifth time in the last couple of days of her spending time kneeling in front of the toilet, emptying the contents of her stomach into the light green basin.            

She held her hair back as tears pricked the corner of her eyes. It hurt so much and all she wanted in that moment was just to stop. What in the hell did she catch that made her feel this violently ill? After she was sure she was done, except from the dry heaving, she wiped her mouth and flushed the toilet. She sat against it for a little while longer, wishing her stomach would calm down enough for her to get a good sleep in. She couldn’t help but let a few tears escape. Her back was hurting, her body was aching, and her throat was burning. And on top of all that, she started cramping earlier in the day and the pain hadn’t subsided.             

“Y/n?” she heard from the basement living room.           

 She groaned in response and heard footsteps approach the door to the tiny bathroom. She twisted her face in pain as another surge of nausea reared its ugly head. Hyde appeared in the doorway just as he saw her turn her pale and tortured face into the basin once again. He could hear her whimpers through each retched gag.           

 “Awe, Doll,” he cooed and knelt down beside her, rubbing her back. He gathered her long hair in his hands and tried to look anywhere besides the toilet. He gently shushed her and reassured her that he was there now for her.          

Once she was finished, she fumbled for the handle, and pulled down. Hyde handed her some tissues to wipe her mouth. She gratefully accepted it and sat up fully, leaning against the wall.            

“What’re you doing here?” she croaked. “I thought you were pissed at me.”            

“Well, that’s why I’m here,” he responded and helped her off the floor. He wrapped a protective arm around her waist and guided her back to the couch where Eric also sat.            

“Are you here to fight? Because this isn’t how I envisioned our first fight.”             

He gently sat her on the couch, handing her the blanket and chuckled. “No, that’s not why I’m here.”            

“Then what?”           

 “Mainly to give you these,” he responded and handed her the roses.            

Y/n’s face softened as she weakly grasped the flowers in her fists. “What’s this for?”           

 “An apology,” Hyde responded and took a deep breath. “I know I was a jealous jerk earlier and…I’m sorry, okay?”            

She looked at him in the eye. “Why were you?”            

“I don’t know,” he responded and rubbed his neck. “I just…I just didn’t like seeing some other guy bring you things that I should be bringing.”            

She meekly set the flowers down on the coffee table in front of her. “Steven, do you not trust me?”            

“What? Of course I do.”            

“Then why did you act like Fez was going to hook up with me and I wouldn’t be able to say no?”            

“No, it’s not that. I…I—can you hang on a second?” he turned around to look at Eric. “Can we get a minute?” he asked impatiently.           

 Eric’s smug look never left his face. “Sure. Doll.”           

 Hyde stood abruptly, intimidatingly. Eric laughed and ran upstairs.            

Y/n knit her eyebrows together. “You guys are okay now or something?”            

“Yeah,” he cleared his throat and sat back down. “That’s another story.”            

Y/n nodded. “You were saying?”            

“Look, Y/n, when I saw Fez jumping in to immediately take care of you, I guess it felt like I…wasn’t doing my job as your boyfriend. And then when you said it did bother you, I knew I wasn’t. And…that maybe what everyone thinks is true.”            

“Which is what?” she pressed.           

 “C’mon, you’re really going to make me say it?”           

 “Yes,” she responded sternly.             

Hyde sighed and tore his eyes away from hers. “That…I’m not good enough…for you. There. Ya happy?”           

Y/n sighed, giving him a sad look. “No,” she responded gently and grabbed his hand. “No, I’m not happy. You can’t think that. You can’t let Fez get to you like that and it really didn’t bother me that you didn’t jump up to help me either. I’m a big girl. I can very well go get the stuff myself.”           

“So, you don’t mind?”           

 She smiled gently. “No. Yes, it’s nice if you did that stuff for me and trust me, I’d love it, but I’m not going to make you do it for me. I want you to want to do it for me.”            

He smiled at her and kissed the side of her head. “I did get you some things though.” He leaned down and grabbed the white bag, laying out the contents on the table. “I got you some ginger ale and saltines to help you with the nausea and then when it passes, I got you some chocolates and ice cream to satisfy your cravings.”           

 The look of sweets made her stomach churn, but she smiled through it and leaned her head on his shoulder. “Thank you, baby.”            

“You’re welcome,” he said quietly and kissed her head once more. He noticed that she was shivering and gently stood. “I’ll be right back.” He high tailed it to his room and brought back a sweater. “Here.”            

She grabbed it gratefully and threw it over her head, inhaling his scent: musk and woodsy. He settled on the couch next to her as she cuddled his side. He grabbed the blanket and threw it over both of them.           

“So, how was your day?” he asked her.            

“Fantastic,” she responded. “I spent the day throwing up my body weight and writhing in pain.”           

 “Sounds like a blast,” he chucked.           

“Oh, yeah, it was like a party in the toilet,” Y/n responded and chuckled when Hyde made a face. “How was yours?”           

 “Well, you know, it was fine,” he responded.             

“You and Eric work things out?”            

“Yeah. He’s still not happy about it, but he seems to—or trying to at least—accept it. I made him see the bigger picture here.”           

 “Which is?”            

“Us doing it.”           

 “Steven!”            

He threw his head back laughing. “I’m kidding.”           

 “You better be,” she said and reached over, grabbing the ginger ale. She laid back into his side and took a sip. She hummed and set it in her lap.            “Thank you, Steven. This is probably the best thing anyone has ever done for me.”            

He smiled at her gently. “Anything for you, doll.”           

 ���Awe that’s so cute,” Eric called from the staircase. “It makes me want to vomit.”            

Y/n scowled at him. “What do you want?”            

“Well, I wanted to talk to you,” he said and sat down in the opposite chair.            

“You want to yell at me again?”           

 “No,” he responded and looked at the ground. “I’m sorry for the way I reacted. I know I was an ass and I should’ve handled it better, but c’mon, my best friend and my sister, hooking up. I never thought that this would happen and to say I was shocked is an understatement.”           

 “I know,” she responded. “But you still said some pretty hurtful things, Eric, and you can’t take that back.”            

“I know and I wish I could. You’re my sister, the best one at that, and Hyde, you’re like a brother to me and I just…it hurt, okay? I can understand not wanting to tell anyone else, but to hide it from me? I felt like you couldn’t trust me.”            

Y/n cast her eyes down, feeling guilt. “I’m so sorry, Eric. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you. Lying to you wasn’t easy for me.”

“Then why did you do it?”

 “How would you take it if we just straight up told you?”            “

Yeah, Forman, what would you have said if I straight up said, ‘I’m nailing your sister.’ I bet you still wouldn’t have taken that lightly.”           

 Eric shuttered at the thought. “Yeah, definitely wouldn’t have. But it still wouldn’t have been as bad as me catching you.”            

Y/n looked at her twin for a moment before letting out a groan. “Dammit, I hate it when you’re right.”           

 “Yeah, and it’s not like I’m not going to kill you or anything.”           

 “Well, to be fair you did try to disown us,” Hyde defended.            

“Okay, yeah, but I just didn’t want to look at you guys at the moment,” Eric said.           

 “But kicking us out of the group and the house was the logical answer?” Y/n squinted at him.            

“Yeah, not my finest moment,” he agreed and sat down next to Y/n, causing her to shift over. “I’m really sorry, Y/n. I hope you can forgive me.”            

Y/n looked at her brother, eyes getting all misty. “Only if you can forgive me.”            

Eric smiled at her. “C’mere little sister.” He brought her in and hugged her tight. 

Y/n reciprocated by wrapping her arms tightly. “I’m only two minutes younger.” 

“Still,” he chuckled. “Besides, if I don’t forgive you, then I won’t have a sister anymore.”           

 “We have Laurie,” Y/n responded, pulling away.           

 “Do you really want her close?”            

Y/n paused, pretending to think it over. “No, I really don’t.”           

 Eric chuckled. “Look, Y/n. I know I was a jerk, but you’re not only my sister, you’re my best friend and I don’t want anything to come between us.”            

Y/n nodded, smiling and wiped at her eyes. “Me too.”           

 “I’m still not entirely happy about you two and to be honest, I’m not sure if I ever will be, but I want you two to be happy and if it’s you two that make each other happy, then so be it. I just don’t want to see any of it.”            

“You got it,” Y/n responded, feeling lighter about the situation.           

 “I’m going to give you the same speech I gave Hyde,” Eric continued as Y/n’s eyebrows knitted together. “I’d never thought I’d have to say this to my sister about my best friend, but don’t hurt him. I may not be able to kick his ass, but I can for sure…try to kick yours.” As he was saying it, he knew it wasn’t true. Even if it was, he wasn’t going to do it anyway.         

Y/n cracked a wide smile, a smile that she hadn’t been able to muster for the last couple of days, and nodded. “Okay, bro. That sounds fair.”            

He turned to Hyde. “Just so you know, if you get her pregnant, I will have to find a new and interesting way to kick your ass.”           

 “Trust me, man, that ain’t gonna happen,” Hyde responded.            

“Yeah, we’re careful,” Y/n responded, adjusting herself to be laying against Hyde. Her stomach and back were starting hurt again and she was desperate to find some relief. Hyde threw an arm over her shoulders, bringing her closer. “Besides, Dad would literally stick his foot in both of our asses.”            

“And somehow, he’d still find a way to blame me,” Eric said.           

 “Hey, Y/n baby,” Fez called out, entering the basement. “How’re you feeling? You get my gifts?”           

 “Hi Fez,” Y/n greeted with a tiny smile. “I did, thank you. It was very nice of you, but I’m not feeling too much better.”            

“Sorry to hear that,” he responded.             

Y/n shrugged and snuggled deeper into Hyde’s side. “What’re you doing here anyway?”            

“Just wanted to come by and see how you were feeling,” he responded.            

 “No, you didn’t,” Hyde spit. “You came here to see if she was alone, didn’t you?”           

 Fez made a face at him. “What’re you talking about? No, I’m not!”            

“Yes you are!” he said and stood up. “Now, knock it off before I make you the first person to touch his chin to ass!”           

 Fez looked offended, placing his hand on his chest. “Have you been spying on me?!”           

 “Steven, honey, it’s not that big of deal,” Y/n said, trying to calm down the situation.           

 “Yeah, honey, listen to your lady,” Fez said, starting to get nervous.            

 “No, Y/n, he needs to understand respect,” he replied.           

 “I’m sure he gets it now,” Y/n said, signaling Fez to run now.            

“No, he doesn’t,” he responded. “If he—”            

He was cut off by the slamming of the door as Fez ran outside, away from him.           

 “He’s not getting away that easily,” Hyde commented before darting to the door.           

 “Hyde, no!” Y/n called after him. She jumped up from her seat, despite her stomach and head screaming at her.            

 Hyde ran out the door, causing it to slam against the wall. Y/n followed him out the door, ignoring the sudden faint feeling she had.            

“Steven, stop!” she called again, her voice weakened and wavering. She could see Hyde quickly gaining speed on Fez.            

 Fez screamed as Hyde tackled him to the ground on the Forman’s front lawn. Eric was behind Y/n in a flash, watching the scene in front of him unfold. Hyde struggling to get Fez in a choke hold, Fez fighting to get out of his grip, and Y/n yelling at him to stop.            

 “Steven, enough!” Y/n shrieked weakly, her voice quieting as the world started to spin, the edges of her vision darkening. “Steven, please…” 

Her vision darkened as she hit the ground, making the two boys suddenly stop to jerk their attention towards her. Eric dropped to the ground next to her.

“Y/n!” Steven shouted, letting Fez go and running over to her. “Y/n!”

 And that was the last thing she heard before she was swallowed by darkness.

Tags: @lieswithoutfairytales​ @mdittyz123​ @n-dg-wm​ @undead-sierra​ @random-thoughts-003​ @taysirene​

[bluecloudious]

Kinda angst I guess (but it has Zanaz so take that with a grain of salt)

Trying out writing a story this time.

I mean, yeah, I wrote for the comics, but not long dialog.

So yea, as per both the funni boys mature content warning. (There's no canoodling, there is talk of it tho.)

Also there's quite a bit of text (8 pages worth on Word)

So ye:

“Get up, I have some juicy gossip for you.”

...What?

I open my eyes and the world around me is blinding. It’s so bright that it takes a second to adjust to it. There’s nothing around me other than vast white and empty space.

This definitely isn’t Nevada anymore. (Unless Hank managed to ruin everything even further somehow.)

“Get up now, I know you heard me.”

I get up and look around. Who the hell is talking? There’s literally nothing but white for miles.

“I’m in your head, pretty boy.”

Uh, that…

“I’m holding my eyes closed, don’t worry. I regret ever having them open in here, in fact.”

Welp, that answers that. Now for the other question.

“Who I am is not important. What info I have, may be of interest, though.”

Alright?

“There’s a deal attached to this knowledge, Zanaz. Hear me out before you start fidgeting.”

I’ll sure try.

“You know Kits, right?”

No duh, he’s my best friend.

“Excellent. He’s going to die soon.”

…

What?! Wha, when, how, uh--

“Calm down, jitterbug. There’s nothing you can do to stop his fate, so don’t try. If he doesn’t die one way, another thing will go wrong. Understand?”

I-- NO! What the fuck?! Are you gonna kill him?!

“No, not me. I’m just sharing the news.”

Yeah, right, sure. Fucking… When then?

“Soon.”

How soon? In a month, week or a few days?

“Hm… A month then, give or take.”

...Fuck… How?

“Depends on what leads up to it.”

So, there are a lot of different ways it can happen, right?

“Indeed there are.”

...Do I die with him?

“No.”

NO?! In none of the different variations, I don’t die by his side?

“Oh, you can be by his side, of course. But death isn’t after you.”

What if I try to block a bullet, but it goes through both of us.

“Oddly specific. You’ll still survive.”

What if I block it with my head?!

“Brain damage, possible vegetable state. Will still survive though.”

What if Hank slices us with one of his multiple katanas?!

“People have lived through being sliced in half before.”

WHAT.

“This world has zombie clowns with god like powers and the AAHW is lead by a man consisting of black fire.”

...Ugh, fair enough. So… Wait those are all possible deaths for him?

“If you do everything in your power for it to happen, then yes.”

I… I can kill him before his time?

“Of course! You have free will, don’t you? It’s more of a question if you want to.”

Of course I fucking don’t! I care about him!

“I saw. You daydream about him an uncomfortable amount.”

He’s the main person I’m around, give me a break!

“Have you ever considered not being horny?”

Until I’m castrated, there’ll be nothing of the sorts.

“You’re not even fertile! None of the clones are!”

You think I’m tryna get anyone pregnant at this sausage fest? Besides, that has not stopped me before.

“I refuse to believe that any of those scenes I saw play out in your head happened for real.”

You’d be surprised then.

“WHICH?!?”

Those are for me to treasure.

“...You’re pulling my leg.”

Believe what you want.

“Augh, never mind, TMI. Back onto the topic at hand.”

Oh, yeah, right. Kit… Dying…

Could you for real not give me a date?

“If it depends on the circumstances beforehand, then there’s no possible way to tell which one belongs to this timeline.”

And that means…?

“I don’t know how this Kits dies.”

Can I at least warn him?

“Well, there’s where the other side of the deal comes in. If you tell him, then the effect kicks in immediately.”

What effect? Death?

“Precisely.”

...Ah. Wait, so if I don’t tell him, he dies in a month but if I do, he dies immediately? Of what?

“Stroke, heart attack or brain aneurysm. Chosen at random. Oh, also sneak assassination. That’s also a valid option.”

...This feels set up.

“Mh?”

This feels like either you or whoever sent you here set this up so I’d suffer. You enjoy the pain of others, don’t you?

“I’m only the messen--”

Yeah, yeah, Messenger Bullshit. Then whoever decided this is probably a reality tv producer, who is jacking off to someone pushing in the soft part of a baby’s skull as we speak. You encourage such behaviour by working with them, ya know.

“...Do you think you sound smart?”

I know for a fact I’m not, so no. I’m pretty sure I’m on the money with this one though.

“If I wasn’t here then Kits’ death would come as a surprise to you though!”

I’d prefer that, actually! Now I have to deal with knowing that he… He… Won’t be here anymore soon.

“Well, knowing how overwhelmingly perverted you are, wouldn’t you wanna grab this opportunity?”

...What?

“Shoot your shot, ask him out. Not like you could do it with a corpse… …Right…?”

I may be horny, but I’m not messed up.

“Had to make sure.”

Ugh, you’re just making fun of me, aren’t you?

“Which instance are you referring to?”

Kit would never date me.

“And why exactly do you think that?”

He has standards?

“You’re a decently handsome fellow. You also get along with him just fine.”

That… That’s not a determinant of shit like that. There’s way better out there for him.

“He won’t meet em then. Only a month to live, remember?”

I… It’s not worth it.

“What isn’t?”

I know he’ll say no, there’s no point in trying.

“How do you know for sure until you actually ask?”

Cause it’s obvious! He’s actually got a brain in his noggin and he knows me way too well! He’d be fucking disgusted, man! We’re just friends and that’s that.

“Do you not want to then?”

...Why do you assume I do? How do you know that those aren’t just blissful fantasies like the rest of them?

“He’s the only one that you dream of in a non-perverted way. I see no other person in this graphic landscape that you want to hold hands with. (Also, I am closing my eyes again now, Jebus Christoff.)”

...Ffffuck.

“Well, did hit the nail on the head?”

Y-You’re stupid and gay!

“I’m rubber, you’re glue.”

That doesn’t affect me, I’m already openly gay and stupid!

“I guess we’re both such then.”

Dammit.

“So, you gonna give him a month to remember or not?”

…Eh?

“Come on, how much romance could a member of the A.A.H.W. really experience throughout their lifetime? If you’d make this month worth his and your own time, perhaps it would be less painful to see him go? At least he died happy?”

THAT WOULD BE EXTRA PAINFUL FOR ME, THOUGH!

“Oop, Zanaz selfish, you heard it here first, folks.”

That’s not what I meant. I’d already be upset over losing my best friend, imagine how fucking devastating losing a sweetheart would be.

“…I dunno, still sounds selfish to me. Does his happiness not mean anything to you?”

Who says he’d be happy with me?

“I know you want to make him happy, at least. You dream about his smile.”

STOP FUCKING LOOKING THOUGH MY THOUGHTS!!

“I’m not looking anymore, I just memorized the ones I already saw. (I wish I couldn’t.)”

I- You- Fucking-- UggHHH! It’s not worth it!

“What exactly do you imagine will happen if you tell him how you feel, huh? World combusts?”

I already told you, he already knows way too much about me! He’d be fucking grossed out and we’ll… We’ll stop being friends.

He’d quicken his pace whenever we’d have to pass each other in one of the halls. He’d desperately keep his glance away from me. He’d… I’d stop being the main person he talks and comes to company for a-and I can’t fucking have that, man!

I-I wouldn’t be able to handle it. He means too much to me.

“…I had no idea you were this insecure.”

FUCK OFF! It’s a bitter reality that I’ve come to accept!

“You haven’t even given it a shot!”

You don’t need to get crushed by a piano to know you’d die on impact!

“Those two things don’t correlate even remotely!”

It’s a metaphor!

“I know that, I’m saying that Kits has a thing for you too!”

…He what?

“He has major league crush on you! The things you say when play-flirting excite him! He’s gotten off to the thought of you touching him up! The works! (Why did I word it like that?)”

Whuh-- How the fuck do you know this??

“While you were monologuing, I visited his subconscious and confirmed it for myself.”

You can do that??

“You don’t even know my name.”

...Fair nuff. So, wait, he’s actually gotten off thinking about me?

“I don’t even need to open my eyes to already know you’re imagining it. Short answer, yes. He’s into you, Zanaz.”

Augh, I dunno what to do with this info. It’s kinda... Overwhelming in a way.

Actually, wait, how do I know you haven’t been lying to me this whole time?

“I’m an incorporeal voice in your head that’s having a back and forth with you in a white void.”

Yeah, and?

“…I’m supernatural?”

Yeah, and?

“Come on! I just know, okay?!”

Sounds fake, not gonna lie.

“The part where I knew that Kits was gonna die was convincing, but the moment I mention that he might have a thing for you, you question the validity of my claims thus far??”

One sounds way more far-fetched than the other, you gotta admit.

“NO IT DOESN’T?!?!”

For you maybe! I’ve known him since I’ve been out the cloning tube! We became agents together! I think I’d know what kinda stuff is off the table for him, buddy.

“Well, not only are you wrong, you’re in denial.”

I am not!

“Then try it! Just attempt asking him out! In the very least, you’ll remain friends after. I promise you. Cross my heart and all that jazz.”

…

…You’re absolutely positive? You are also the person that told me he’d die in a month’s time.

“A hundred percent positive. I have never been more sure of anything in my life.”

You have a life?

“Unfortunately. So, you’ll do it?”

Why’re you so adamant about me fucking Kits?

“Affgdgfdgfg, it’s not about you fucking him, it’s you making his last living month worthwhile!”

Okay, so, why do you want me to do that?

“…Do you not??”

I mean, I guess that sounds worth my time. But you didn’t answer my question.

“Sorry for assuming that you want the person you’re madly in love with to be happy, I guess??”

Apology accepted. Now, how do I get outta here?

“Ugh, just wake up.”

Whu--

And I’m sitting up in my own mat, back at the facility. The clock shows that it’s early morning.

What the fuck do I make of what I just saw? Or heard, for that matter? It clearly wasn’t a normal dream, I never remember those. Plus the topic tends to blur together usually.

I gotta tell-- Wait, I can’t do that, fuck.

…

It’s way to early for shit like this, man!!

Augh…