#this is abt insecurity making u miserable

[magicaldreamfox1]

u know. if u gain more confidence in ur writing then it'll be more fun and less miserable

[churipu]

I love you so so much omg ur posts, ur content, un vibe everything. you’re so so nice and yet you have me crying over every single post because of how good this is. Like yesterday i had a whole debate talking to myself abt how good of a person you were and how the likes were not doing you justice.. usually I never send requests mostly because i’m scared they take a look at it and be like “you cannot be srs”. Idk if it makes sense but oh well😭😭

can i request u make a scenario where the reader is insecure and worried their partner is going to leave them for someone prettier but they dont say anything and just start to distance themselves from them from how big of a toll it was taking on the reader? thank you sm😭🫶🏽

YOU BEING INSECURE + JJK MEN

featuring. gojo satoru, nanami kento, sukuna ryomen x reader

warning. cursing

note. ANON YOU'RE SO SWEET OMG BRB SOBBING HAVE ABIG FAT KISS, and i love this request so much, you don't have to worry <33 thank you for requesting my love, sorry it took so long :')

GOJO SATORU. even if gojo didn't seem like the type to be aware of his surroundings — he is very much aware. behind those blindfolds and dark glasses, his eyes darts everywhere, making sure everything is fine. even if one small thing is different to his eyes, he'll notice.

so when you began distancing yourself from him, he notices off the bat. but decided to say nothing just to make sure of it, gojo did not want to jump into conclusions. it started off as you telling him that you're busy to go on dates, or even declining his offers when he wanted to come over to your place.

he didn't think much of it until it visibly worsened, you looked miserable. when he sees you, it was like the shine in your eyes have gone away — gojo didn't know what happened, but he automatically assumed that he was behind the disappearance of it. when he asks you if you were okay, you brushed him off with a forced out smile, and he was dying to push you to just tell him everything.

but he didn't. he was afraid that if he'd push you, it would spiral an argument. for a while, he was walking on eggshells around you, you were like a ticking time bomb ready to blow up at any minute.

it was gnawing internally in gojo's mind, what did he do? what happened to you? what happened to y/n?

his y/n.

so when shoko drops the bomb on him, asking if he had broken up with you. gojo was mortified, is that what it looks like to other people? him and you calling it off? he was terrified, scared, nervous. the strongest sorcerer. yeah — he was scared.

and so he felt like it was a now or never situation.

"y/n, can we talk?"

you grimaced at his soft voice, wondering if this is the part where he's had enough and decided he'd leave you. but you nodded your head, your mind was ready, you were ready to hear it, those words: "i want to break up with you."

"please talk to me. i can't do this whole...you avoiding me, tell me what's bothering you...please." the desperation in his voice was visible, almost as if he was in the verge of tears.

his cerulean eyes were filled with such hopelessness, one you've never seen even when he was fighting a curse. you widened your eyes and inhaled sharply, "i...i'm sorry, satoru."

that was all you managed to muster up and gojo was clueless, he needed more answers, he needed answers to why you were like this, "baby, i don't... is it me? did i do anything wrong to you? please tell me, don't run away.. let me make it up to you."

it pained you to see that he thinks it was him, when it was you behind this. you shook your head, "'s not you 'ts me."

and that made gojo even more terrified than he already is, a lot of questions spiraling in his mind, did you find someone else? did you get bored of him? were you finally breaking up with him because of his constant bothering? so many questions.

"i just...there're so many more people prettier than i am. i just can't stop thinking about it. you leaving and all. 'm sorry i distanced myself from you." when you said that, gojo felt like half of his questions were all useless and he felt a bit relieved to finally get an answer to his speculations.

gojo wasted no time pulling you into his embrace, he needed it, you needed it. both of you needed it just as much, you felt so small in his embrace, head buried into his chest. gojo didn't move a bit, fearing if he moved at all — you'd break, you looked so fragile and so dainty, it scares him.

"i..love you so much." was all he could say,

"'ts you, 'ts you that i love. it hurts me to hear you talk like that." you felt like shit, you really do — so you said nothing back, you kept your face hidden in his chest.

and gojo didn't pry you away, he just needed to be close to you, "sorry."

that was when he pulled away, "you don't have to be sorry, but please talk to me, 'ts not fair if we're happy together and you have to be sad alone.." you hated crying in front of people, especially gojo, and he knew that about you.

so when you cried in that moment, gojo knew this wasn't something light — he didn't need any more explaining from you, he was just there by your side the whole night. and the next day. the next week. month. year. both of you never spoke of it again.

he's in love with you and nobody could change that, he thinks you're the prettiest anyways.

NANAMI KENTO. nanami's eyes are always on you. nobody else. and everyone knows that.

everyone except for you, unfortunately.

usually he comes home and you were always there to greet him, with a hug and kiss. it was an inseparable combo he made a routine, but for the past couple of days — he hasn't been getting that.

instead, he was greeted with silence. and just from the second time, he knew that something was definitely wrong with you. he'll find you curled up in bed, under the covers like it was the only thing that mattered in the world; but he tries to see it as a sign of exhaustion.

nanami watches your every move, for the past couple of days. you have been out of it. to the point where it was plain obvious and nanami tries asking about it, but you tell him it was just because of the stress. a sweetheart he is, he tries telling you to get some rest from work — he'd even excuse you if it's needed, but you tell him that wasn't needed and that you were fine.

obviously lying. he could see it, smell it, hear it.

it was suffocating. everything was suffocating to you, it's like everything was slowly masticating on every fiber in your body. you wanted to just, drop down and cry but whenever you try to, you just end up sitting on the floor blankly staring at nothing.

it scares yourself sometimes how empty your eyes look.

you wouldn't be surprised if nanami didn't come back home one day because he's so fed up — that's what you've been planting in you. that nanami would leave you for prettier people, for people who don't overthink, people who are generally better than you.

"y/n?"

oh. you didn't even hear him come home, you sat on the bedroom floor trying to push yourself up. and you couldn't even do that, so when nanami opens the bedroom door, seeing you on the floor — he said nothing, not even a hello.

nanami just scoops you into his arms and lays you down on the bed mutely, his slender fingers brushing your hair, "i love you," he murmurs quietly.

that was enough to make tears dwell up at the corner of your eyes, and he said nothing, grazing your tears away, "'m sorry. 'm so sorry, kento."

nanami didn't understand why you were apologizing, he hushed you, cradling you in his embrace as you let your tears free fall, "why are you sorry?"

that's when it struck you, why were you apologizing?

nanami didn't question you any further but he held you close, pressing chaste kisses onto your forehead, "is something in your mind?" you nodded slowly, "do you want to tell me about it?"

you nodded, inhaling sharply, "i just don't feel pretty enough...i feel like you deserve better than me, ken."

nanami laced your fingers with his, kissing your knuckles, "why do you say such things?" you didn't answer him, and it just breaks his heart even more, "you're perfect for me."

his words fall into deaf ears, but you didn't continue saying your worries, you just feel like nanami gets a gist of it. nanami didn't leave your side, cradling you in his arms like you're the most fragile being, "i love you," he kissed your forehead, "so much," and he kisses your lips.

nanami makes sure to spend every second telling you how much he loves you, telling you how beautiful you are, and how you're the most perfect for him.

SUKUNA RYOMEN. he hates it when you ignore him without any explanations, he's told you before, "if you have anything to say, say it to my face, don't ignore me."

but this feels like something you couldn't tell him, how you feel. it's obvious that you were distancing yourself from him, when he calls you, you sometimes pretend like you didn't hear him — and when he confronts you later, you tell him that you just didn't hear his calls.

"you're ignoring me, hm?"

"what? no— i just didn't hear you calling out to me."

don't even try to lie to him because he will always confront you about it, he sees right through you and your lies. the second time you try to run away from him when he calls out to you, he wastes no time holding you in place; confronting you right at that moment.

"why're you running away, brat?"

"i...oh, i didn't realize you were here, ryo." sukuna clicks his tongue in mere annoyance — what a bad actor you are, it's so ridiculous sukuna wanted to just burst out into laughter.

"bullshit. why're you avoiding me?"

that was it. you were cornered just like that. sighing, there isn't any way out unless you tell him — sukuna just won't let you go unless you tell him everything behind your recent behaviors.

"just don't feel pretty enough for you," you mutter out, avoiding his sharp gaze, "i feel like you can do much better than me. you deserve better than me."

sukuna gave you nothing but a mere smirk, pushing his lips onto yours. god, he didn't want to admit it — but he hates the way you talk shit about yourself, if he could tell you everything that he loves about you, he would. but he didn't because he's a jackass (and he's too shy to tell you that).

"that's it?" that's it? that's it?

you were about to push him away when he gives you that glare of his, "which person has been making you think like that?"

"no one. me."

he flicks your forehead, "then stop."

if only it was that easy, you grumbled at his response, and said nothing else so you could just leave. but sukuna, despite his ignorant answers always makes sure that you never run away from him anymore, he's a lot more touchy than usual — and he (tries) to compliment you and your appearance.

keyword: tries

he fails at it though. but you gave him kudos for trying, that's all that matters, really. that he makes you feel loved.

© CHURIPU 2023 , DO NOT COPY OR REPOST ANYWHERE !

[thefirstlioveyou]

smalltown boy being mike's first track is actually so important and reveals what will be covered in s5 (i have a post abt that coming sooonnnish)

also his brief character description literally matches up with the song's meaning. all mike wants to do is escape the home/town that won't acknowledge him and remains invisible in, worsening his insecurities, ultimately making him conform in several ways because he doesn't know what else. but obviously... he fails miserably at that. you see how shit falls apart when he isn't truthful to himself.

the usage of "retreats".... 🥲🥲🥲

in the actual smalltown boy music video, the boy escapes away from his homophobic town to a big city where he can finally receive the love and support he's always needed.

for mike, he escapes away from his own home/town that fuels his insecurities to his own imaginative worlds where he writes himself to be someone who IS seen and listened to, like a brave paladin.

and unpopular opinion maybe? but i don't think mike will actually run away from his family next season like the music video. i do still want him to leave hawkins in the end, but not out of fear. i think the run away thing is a more metaphorical thing, or in reference to Mike actually having to run away from something in s5, since running away from something is a constant theme in his playlist.

by the end, his parents will accept him as a whole, unlike the music video. breaking free from conformity is something the wheelers are going to have to do as a family next season.

but before we get any vocal acceptance from his parents and that heart to heart (because you gotta pay off that "i'm here for you" scene. everything's coming to a full circle this season), mike will have to accept himself first and be true to his heart. he can no longer lie to himself about who he is and what makes him him, and that spans beyond just being gay (although i believe that finally choosing to be with will will be his last and final fuck you to conformity after struggling so hard with societal pressures in general)

oh michael my son u are so important and loved

[smoothiedreams]

Bakugou/kirishima headcanons time!

I have nothing to do on my miserable life so why not

[This might include some relationships each character has on their individual daily routine, friendships are real, not only ship can u believe it? I tend to forget haha]

First of all, they train together, like on gym, Bakugou enjoy hitting things with all he got but he can be real moderate when training other exercises. While he is on the treadmill kirishima is training calisthenics, and while bakugou practices boxing punches and karate moves kiri is there lifting himself on some beam.

Kirishima likes bakugou's shoulders and arms a lot, he thinks they are maily attractives. Bakugou likes kiri's chest and belly, nothing more mesmerize than his boyfriend's tummy.

They usually take combat classes with uraraka. She and kiri are gym bros, eventually sato joined them and bakugou surprisely is very calm during these times. He does his exercises alongside them but doesn't necessarily exclude himself, they are all enjoying each other's company at these times of the day.

Bakugou and Sato end up forming a light friendship, they don't talk much but share interactions related to cooking frequently.

We can't forget that Bakugou's parents work with fashion, he inevitably ended up becoming a stylish person himself without noticing. He kinda have a streetwear aesthetic, a bit gotic sometimes. Kiri however likes clothes more colorful, he is a summer boy but also has his streetwear side.

Bakugou is gay, just it, simple as can be. He is demiromantic tho. Kiri is pan/bi.

They private times aren't just penetration, they like touch, intimacy, likes kisses and just rubbing up against each other or giving a helping hand. (I feel kind of weird having thought about this but it seems like I need to highlight my thoughts in this simplistic perverted world).

Abt positions, bakugou usually is topping - not because of any strange straight gender role u might think- he just find more joy on giving pleasure for his partner, and Kirishima is always more willing to receive this adoration ( he might feel powerful for holding confidence in having this relationship with bakugou ).

Kirishima is the big spoon. He always has bakugou grapping his waist and melting into his arms as he sleep peacefully against his chest, at least this is how they start the night, bc when they wake up bakugou has Kiri sprawled out, half-thrown on top of his chest, with his face aligned in the crook of his neck, and somehow Bakugou's arm is now the boy's pillow.

Bakugou is an introvert with limited social battery so is common to see he just chilling out on the couch with jiro, each one on the phone and listening music. Sero sometimes sit with them to just vibe.

Kiri despite having the bakusquad is usually seemed hanging out with momo, asui and SHINSO. Yes, our boy gotcha friendship with him! (someday I'II dissect my thoughts and understand why I want them all to be a small group). He and momo are extroverts dragging asui and shinso tho mostly watch their interactions, that don't mean they don't talk as much as them, they just prefer to add interesting and spicy comments or facts.

Kaminari jokes on being their third wheel, he is right.

Ashido helps kiri on insecure moments, encouraging him on his relationship. She is almost the mom friend, almost.

Bakugou likes chemical. Kirishima likes biology.

Bakugo's dad and kirishima go fishing sometimes. They both are terribly distracted by any conversation.

Bakugou's mom is flustered every time kiri is eating her food bc he always is praising her cooking skills. it's usually her husband who gets all the praise because she herself recognizes that his food is amazing, so he is the one who cooks usualy on the house, but she assures to be the chef when kiri is coming.

Beginning with: kiri has two moms bc this headcanon just makes sense. The two managed to win over Bakugou with their kindness and strong morals, he is extremely more restrained around them.

How and who confessed? It will be extensive.

They are partners even before being in a romantic relationship, so it was on one day that bakugou finds out how good is to them being in such a synchrony, imagine how much more easy it would be if they were more... them BOOM! Existential crisis with a sexuality crisis that lasts two minutes for him to come to a consensus that he doesn't care about falling in love with a boy, but rather wants to have a relationship with anyone. He struggles for a week and ends up agreeing that yes, he wants to stay by shitty hair's side, so he will take it as he has been taking it, just existing. If in any parallel universe Kirishima asked him to go out with him, Bakugou could take that opportunity, but he was fine with how things were. And then he wasn't. The class had just discovered that Present Mic and Professor Aizawa were a thing and everyone was excitedly talking about how good it was to have someone to lean on and share things with in the world of pro heroes. Kirishima, mina and uraraka were talking about how much they admired their relationship, and Kirishima lets slip that it's even a little envious of them by having the courage to get deeply involved with someone. He jokingly says something like "Bakugou, can you believe it? That maybe one day someone could be my significant other like that? Being heroes and everything else we aspire to." "is to much to ask for haha." bakugou replies, "you better think of harder wishes to grant shitty hair." Mina then is like, "Don't go throwing words like this because Bakugou might take it as a challenge", uraraka adds with, "He already think its to easy." THEN some defiant and provocative instinct of bakugou is activated and all inhibitions are thrown to the air without him realizing it, "STUPID EXTRAS! being by his side is something that I am already taking first place in, it isn't even a challenge!"

Then somehow..."Would u easily turn into my boyfriend as easy as you make it seems bakugou?" - "stop saying dumb things shitty hair"- "You said it first!" - "if u wanna me to take responsability u have to take courage to ask me out" - 'but we already went out!" "..." - " WE ARE DATING" - " WE ALREADY ARE"

I know this was long and a bit confusing but I hope you enjoyed my thoughts lol

[jkgnggj]

OMG HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE THIS WAS NOT THE BIRTHDAY GIFT I HAD IN MIND TO GIVE U BUT IF UR ON THE TERUTORI TRAIN THEN I GOTTA GIVE U A FIC ABT THEM AHH !! GO MAKE UR OWN FIC TOO DONT CALL IT SHITTY IT'LL BE AWESOME I KNOW IT <333

★‧°𖦹｡⋆☆ GYARU TERUTORI ☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

FINALLY BACK TO COMMISSIONING TORI RAREPAIRS HELL YEAH !! HERE'S MY LATEST BRAIN ROT TERUTORI <333 TYSM FOR THE ART @lu-kario I HOPE U ALL ENJOY GYARUO TORI AND GYARU TERU ✮⋆˙

[notdeezy]

Actually I will join @misssicknesss and make my own post abt how.. weird a lot of Amnesia fans are in treating Daniel vs Alexander.

Incoming huge rant

Like unironically I feel uncomfortable around u if you constantly talk about how Daniel is a sweet uwu innocent cinnamon roll (He's not. He's a grown man.) And how evil and manipulative Alexander is and feel sympathy solely for Daniel.

Seriously there's a lot of infantilzation happening with Daniel in the fandom which I think is also rooted in ableism. Daniel showing signs of mental disorders like Schizophrenia- in turn the fandom sees Daniel as this sweet innocent baby that didn't know better when that's not how Schizophrenia works. (Or In general how psychosis works)

People with Schizophrenia don't just go around randomly murdering little girls when they have an episode and just because they experienced psychosis doesn't mean that they can't be held accountable for their actions- especially when it comes to MURDER.

Even without Daniel murdering someone during a psychosis, he willingly and consciously tortured and murdered innocents before that. He was 100% aware of what he was doing and found pleasure in it. Daniel is not an innocent man.

Also did the fandom like collectively forget that Daniel is a British Colonizer who works for the British musuem and the reason Amnesia TDD happened in the first place is because he fucking grave robbed an Algerian Tomb during an expedition???

Talk as much as you want about Daniel being an abuse victim turned abuser who didn't break the cycle to justify his behavior but literally no one forced him to work at the British Musuem. It definitely didn't come from his family from what we know.

Daniel is not your sweet innocent uwu baby.

Okay. Now to Alexander. I'll try my best not to be biased here as the number one Alexander Apologist but Alexander is also not a good person, duh. He kidnapped people and tortured them as well for vitae over centuries and killed anyone who was a liability to him before turning their mangled corpses into his servants.

What differentiates Alexander from Daniel is his remorse. Unlike Daniel, Alexander doesn't enjoy what he's doing. He isn't opposed to it but you don't see him laughing maniacally as he cuts open his victim or mock their pleas for help. People defend Daniel with the reasoning that Daniel was acting on instinct and wanted to save his own life. True, but then you can't turn around and shit on Alexander for doing the exact same thing. Pick a lane.

Alexander doesn't torture people for fun. He does it because the resource found within human anguish- vitae- is what he needs to return home to a loved one. He has tried finding other methods to harvest vitae before resorting to human torture! And in a memory capsule he notes that if he doesn't get home soon, he'll be killed because of his involvement in human politics. Alexander is also just trying to save himself. He constantly laments about how he misses his old self. How he's aware that he has become a monster. How he lives in anguish every single day. He feels like that he has no other choice but to be cruel and he hates it every step of the way. But his desire to return to his love keeps him going.

If you ask me that makes Alexander way more sympathetic than the British bloke who, upon being forced to deal with the consequences of his actions, threw a temper tantrum, cried (literally), blamed Alexander for everything then drank an Amnesia potion to run away from the repercussions.

YES Alexander was manipulative towards Daniel during the game, preying on his insecurities in an attempt to stop him but that was during a time where he was about to finally return home after centuries of being stuck on Earth, homesick and miserable. I'd personally have a hard time staying chipper too if I was in that position. Alexander was desperate.

On top of that, Daniel was manipulative too! News Flash! The way he manipulated Elise Zimmermann into staying at the Castle to keep her from escaping and telling local authorities was fucking disgusting. Even more so when you know that he murdered her shortly after for no reason other than his paranoia. That's a lot more reprehensible than Alexander manipulating Daniel into making him give up and submit to the Shadow (again, out of desperation!!). And if that wasn't enough, Daniel called Elise a "little bitch" and tried justifying what he did by trying to convince himself that she deserved it because he refuses to acknowledge that he's an evil person.

Again. If you want to acknowledge that Alexander was manipulative, then you also need to acknowledge that so was Daniel. In a way that was a lot more evil than Alexander if you ask me.

Long story short: don't talk to me if you think Daniel was an innocent baby that did nothing wrong and Alexander is the big evil abuser.

[captainshyguy]

6 bc im curious and 9 bc i wanna see ur hit list /hj

aaa ty belle!!

6. Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?

hmmm, not to my knowledge! the closest has been somthing ve been neutral bout/thought was kinda silly like melli and ingo lol, like i didnt hate it, but was neutral, and now i think its hilariousKJDSNGSDJ

9. Most disliked character(s)? Why?

(if these end up in characters tag i apologise but i aint censoring every single damn name! im not tagging and that should be enough)

oooh im gonna expand this bit beyond my regular fandoms bc there are some little fuckers out there i really hatein othe thinhs gkgjd, lets do regular fandoms first though

hollow knght: tpk, lurien, tiso. tpk for obvious reasons (plus i dont really like a lot of high up characters in general like focusing on tpk in fics kinda makes me eyes roll when the vessels are right there. lurien for reasons :). tiso because people went through a stint where he was just silly himbo and kept shippig him with quirrel nd i fucking hated that lol. his design slaps though

tcw: the bad batch lol fucking HATE them. tech is tolerable, and i dont even count echo one of them, free him!!! but the rest are condesceding assholes sorry idc if they get better in their own show like sorry you sold them to me as 'ooo arent they soooo cool theyre so much better than those Regulr Clones Boooo, look at them!!! like fuck off lol. you will never be captain rex

pokemon: not a big fan of 'hehee im a cutesy quirky little girl!! chracters, like sabi or poppy like. theyre fine i guess but eh. not for me. otherwise swordbert and shieldbert were also annoying kjgskgj

off the top of my head i cant really think of many for mario besides like...idk cranky kong specifically in the mario movie? awful voice perfromace. i guess waluigi too sorry, i m not a fan of like..idk, more basic mario chracters who dont really show up in non mulitplyar games, bc they end up beign sooo known and its like. bro they didnt even put him in wonder or 3d world or anything. like if u want him to be a staple mario character to me then put him in other games too, or i'll just roll my eyes that he's taking up space where someone like cpatain toad or peasley could be taking it lol

undertale/deltarune: detanged one but ice-e. ex went through a period where he as weirdly obsessed with him and thought he'd be super important and it annoyed me :)

ok now outside of my regular fdoms, characters i still loathe include

ralph from the flash- he was this stretchy dude who was awful abt women and like sure he kiiiida got over it but it felt weak and i hated him and the actor ended up being shitty anyway.. in the same universe i didnt like either oliver or barry's daughters from the future, both were very annoying lol

mon el from super girl. i hate him. kill him.annoying boring no chemistry love interest. kill him

eric sparrow from tony hawks underground- though i will concede that like the hollow knight characters, he contrbutes in really important ways to the story. like your'e SUPPOSED to hate him thats the point, they do a very good job with it. like he's written fantastically, and i want to kill him. i alway think of this article i read about him that was like 'eric sparrow is my best friend and he wants to hurt me' like yeah thats it thats the character. like i LIKE WHAT THEY DID, which sets him apart from almost everyone else here, its just what they did makes you hate him lol

ross from friends. miserable, insecure little creep. kill him

there are little charcters i loathe more than peter griffin family guy. kill bite explode

[sttoru]

karina, how do i work on my confidence? i dont like what i see in the mirror and my self esteem is easily influenced by what others say about me. sometimes ill be happy with how i look and know that everyons is different but the moment i hear someone say smth bad abt me, everything comes crashing down and i start to hate myself again.

heya my love <3 sorry to hear u felt like that. but life is too short to worry about your appearance. trust me, when you’re older, you’ll not think about how ‘bad’ you have looked in your younger years— but more about the fun memories you made, how you spent your time etc. life isn’t all about looks, and whatever people say about you is invalid. you live your life for yourself, not for others. they’re simply projecting their own insecurities onto you and that’s pathetic behavior.

everyone is beautiful in their own way, unique and natural beauty is rare nowadays and imo needs to be more appreciated. don’t compare yourself to others neither— comparison is the thief of joy. i bet you’re a pretty and beautiful person. there’s beauty in everyone and if you don’t see it, someone else will . so ya,, just keep in mind that there’s beauty in everyone. what others say about your appearance is irrelevant as those are but mean words to make you feel as miserable and insecure as they are 💓

[yuukei-yikes]

What are your mekatrio + Ayano hcs esp post-str? I’m still bitter that we didn’t get to see their reunion in mca

FOR FUCKING REAL UGH mca giving us the Good ending but at the same time starving us horribly. like it only delivered on ayano and hiyori being alive 😭 but we dont even SEE hiyori we just pathetically point at her silhouette and then we see shinaya scene that seems to have gotten the whole budget in animation. there is something that irks me abt the shinaya scene in str being so damn pretty and then ayanos theory of happiness is. THAT. like when i remember ayanos theory of happiness in mca i lose my mind bc sometimes i cant believe that rly happened. kagepro is such a joke

WAIT THIS ISNT MCA BASHING ITS MEKATRIO TIME omg post str tateyama siblings♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️ i think ayano feels insanely guilty for leaving them alone for so long and feels like a damn failure and well ayano's mental stability post str is something to be studied by scientists let's just say she's BARELY hanging in there. she's desperate to make up for lost time and so is the trio but the trio is more like hey WE are also there for u if u need it especially kido and seto to BOTH kano and ayano, like we dont want you guys to ever hide something like that from us again bc we are supposed to be a family and we're in this together ok??? especially now that their parents are gone gone. like kenjirou had been long gone since before properly dying but... it still hits different that he's REALLY gone for good.

but if anything this drives ayano to try to suck it up even more. she's not even relying on kano anymore because she sees how it's affected him that she did rely on him so much back then, and she's even MORE incredibly guilty over it. ayano would be helicoptering over all 3 and ESPECIALLY kano.

kido has been carrying the pressure of trying to be The Big Sister replacement after losing 2 big sisters of their own, seto is sort of projecting all his insecurities and pain onto helping mary and obsessing over how much worse she had it as if that somehow takes away his right to also be upset and kano is. (gestures at his whole thing) i think post str kano is the most messed up of them all and i mean ALL the dan, even more than ayano or shintaro LMAO

because while ayano and shintaro are sort of clumsily tripping and stuff in the way of healing they're still in that path while kano is actively spiraling down bc he's so used to being miserable and now he's gotten everything he's ever wanted and he feels so undeserving and guilty and lost and alone. and ayano is here BEGGING to be relied on and needed but kano KNOWS BETTER than to do that because he knows ayano is hurting too and in the same way she is sucking it up for his and their siblings' sake he is doing the same for her. its such a mess. i love emotional constipation.

kano is on his way to a very very VERY ugly meltdown like im talking about a sort of um maybe 💀 attempt. YKNOW WHAT I MEAN. erm... ayano too actually but i think she is most likely to seek help before it gets to that point especially since teehee she's. done that before. also ayano is sort of distracting herself with her relationship mess with shintaro bc that's ridiculous and its EASIER to be hurt about that than everything else. like somehow this silliness sort of saves her LOL not to sidetrack to shinaya but i think a big reason theyre so fucking messy is not only the obvious reasons but also they find comfort in that because that way they can be primarily worried about stupid shit like bwaaa u cuddle with ur asuna body pillow and not me instead of THE TIMELINES...WEVE DIED 1000 TIMES.... IT IS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE IT HAPPENS AGAIN.... yknow what im saying!

i think she ends up breaking down to mekatrio and they all hold her while she cries the same way she held them while they cried when they reunited :(( i think when they reunite ayano is crying but Not sobbing while the mekatrio is like a fucking mess clinging to her and stuff. kind of like when shintaro goes get ayano like u dont have to fight alone anymore. ayano is like that to her siblings when they reunite she wants to be strong and let them cry like little kids again because they've been getting by alone for so long

i think breakdowns happen like. seto first, then kido second, then ayano, then kano (and kano's is UGLY like something very bad happens for this to take place)

also there is something so interesting to be explored in post str mary and ayano. ayaki is still the same person as ayano yknow, kinda... like everything ayaki does is something ayano in this route is capable of as well. and maybe in the worst part of her ayano resents mary even if she knows she shouldn't, and she's also troubled over seto obsessing over her so much instead of taking care of his own baggage. teehee.

surprisingly kido is the most put together of the 4 but theyre rather like a pressure bomb abt to go off LOL i think their breakdown begins through them getting REALLY REALLY MAD and exploding at everyone. it could start with something like kano putting the empty milk back in the fridge instead of throwing it away LMAO also kido's self steem is basically nonexistent and relies completely on trying to be this Cool Leader so a breakdown is absolutely forbidden. but it happens♥️ everyone needs therapy 👍👍👍

[winterdusktales]

man i really thought the dynamic of the three leads in oasis would be somewhat similar to the three leads in chicago typewriter or my country. well at least that's what the first few eps seemed to be going for

but it became just one of those many annoying kdrama love triangles bcs of the 2nd lead. idek where the plot is going atp

i still like the drama tho. cuz im a sucker for angst no matter how frustrating it gets. and i dont rlly mind where the plot goes. i just wish the three leads maintained their unbreakable bond no matter how complicated their circumstances turn out

like with the 2nd male leads in chicago typewriter and my country, as frustrating as it may be, i still understood why they had to make the choices they made. i wouldnt defend them but i get them. i loooove the 2nd lead in chicago typewriter no matter what and the three leads are still among my top fav kdrama trios. i hated the 2nd lead in my country but i get why he had to turn to the bad side. like theres an actual depth in his characterization

but with cheolwoong its rlly just immaturity, jealousy, and insecurity.

(get ready for a cheolwoong hate essay)

hes still the same highschool boy who would come home crying bcs doohak ranked 1st on top of the whole class. the same boy who was competing "fair and square" to win the heart of their highschool crush. the same boy who would make other ppl do the dirty work for him cuz hes a pretentious coward

the way he is so ready to throw away his lifelong brotherhood with doohak for his highschool crush who he knew for a few yrs and who never even led him on to make him think he has any chance with her

the doohak who he called his hyung his entire life. the doohak who did everything he told him to until highschool. the doohak who would fight his fights. the doohak who /involuntarily/ went to prison for a crime HE COMMITTED just bcs he begged him to tho he knew it would ruin doohaks life. like id be so ashamed to even show up in front of him. if he asks for something, id do it right away without considering it as a payment for my debt cuz nothing could make up for what doohak had to go through bcs of me

not to mention doohak also singlehandedly saved him (again... for the nth time) against that group of college students without any help from anyone

he couldnt even make up his mind if he wishes to save or betray doohak like how he remained neutral with the student activists vs gov thing in his college days. like if ure gonna be the bad guy, just be the bad guy and let me hate u entirely

like u can tell he still cares for doohak (reason why i thought theyd have this unbreakable brotherhood even when they act like enemies in front of eo but theyd come running to save eo when needed to cuz they know deep down they love eo like the male leads in the 2 dramas i mentioned above) but i guess he doesnt care for him enough to let him be happy after all those years of suffering (which he caused)

doohaks friendship with his gang members is even more precious than theirs. like i would trust any of the gang members with doohaks life but not cheolwoong

also the lack of self awareness??? he always brings up doohaks flaws when hes actually way worse

anyway i hope the writers dont give him redemption arc just for the sake of giving everyone a good ending. i want him miserable and i want to hate him until the end. when he finds out the truth abt his birth, i want him IN SEVERE PAIN. i want him to be so ashamed to even go near doohak. on top of that, i want jungshin cutting him off her life for good and giving him the same disgusted face she gave doohak when she found out hes part of a gang. I WANT HIM SUFFERING

and give doohak and jungshin their happy ending ffs! they literally just want a peaceful life together without all these makjang drama. theyve been through soooo much since they were young and until now. enough is enough

[sk3tch404]

Nah seriously though what drugs did you add to make Jayce this amazing/handsome/ iconic / beautiful/ insanely hot / and more culturally significant than the renaissance

Trauma dumping and self projection /srs (This is why he is so miserable 😮) PLEASE THO IM OK- Shawty yk especially when im goin down the drain.

ALSO TYSM FOR ALWAYS SUPPORTING JAYCE AND HIS SHENANIGANS!!! I LOVE U TOO MUCH FOR THIS SHAWTY <33

And believe it or not, the only reason he exists is because of the OG mha designs. Emo Izuku clicked smth in me.

I needed to make a loser boy for myself.

I don't know how or why he is so cute. It just sorta... Happened. He just appeared. And I'm never letting go. He is OUR BOY.

Nah but jokes aside, Jayce originally was inspired by both OG deku and Sally Face. He had blue hair and pale skin that made him look half dead.

I really wanted him to look like Sal Fisher, but blue hair wasn't doin too hot with his design. I didn't want him to be blond because i felt as if I was being lazy and giving up. But it turned out I really liked it! I wanted him to have a little spice/accent to him so there went his purple streak!

Tbh I have little to no creativity for male fashion, so I just slapped on what I wear when I'm masc.

I just made him look like a loser junkie. Muahhahaha

I actually considered purple eyes bc I have a weird love for characters with them, but it in the end it would fight for attention with the streak and necklace.

His fav color actually isn't purple despite it being the color that grabs your attention to his design at first! It's Rory's lol. Not a huge spoiler, but it's smth that connects them 🤧 Gosh do I love their secret lore that hasn't been revealed yet...

And don't ask me abt freckles. I forgot. All ik is that they are so satisfying to draw and that he is hella insecure abt it.

Rory came out bc I had an OC sugar rush and boy am i glad he is here 😭 Jayce's lore would be 10x more boring without him.

I wanted Rory to be an bad boy emo little whiny bitch, but ugh, it totally just didn't click out. The hair was a issue within itself, the jacket wasn't very special, his tight v-neck shirt felt forced, his accs were troubling, but his little officer hat was very loved. ^^

He is Valentine inspired now! (Monster high) ain't that funny? Since Rory's route does revolve around Valentines day lol

Elliot came after Rory's sketch. I was gonna scrap it and do this mafia guy i had drawn in 8th grade, but it just felt lazy and not him yk? I was in my Tokyo Revengers Bonten arc phase with that mafia guy... 😰 what an interesting hyperfixation heheha...

Pinterest is DISGUSTING with them bro. I only look at em once in a good while to ruin my boring day.

And Maxim and Anton are just cuties I took my time with. So I don't have anything bad or too significant to say about them 😉

[spoiledcherry]

rant incoming

ok so no news here i feel like shit and ugly. my self image already sucked so now that im bald w an ugly ass scar running down the middle of my scalp and my nail is falling off i feel even fucking worse like fucking frankenstein. and i got upset yesterday bc my gf called her coworker gorgeous and hasnt said shit to me barely even complimented the selfies i sent yesterday. and ik validation has to come from myself and i cant rely on her and all that but why is it when someone decides that ur insecure they become withholding w their affection?? as if just saying "hey u look beautiful today" would be feeding the machine. i just wanna feel like im special and beautiful to the woman i love and her purposely holding that shit back bc otherwise she thinks shes feeding into it and enabling me. it just makes me feel shittier not to mention its condescending like u know so much better so ur not gonna say smth complimentary towards me. im going thru a tough time and a nice word would go a long way. like i wanna cry again as im typing. and shes not the only person ive had do this like ive had friends in nasty tones tell me "im not gonna reassure u. im not gonna say anything." and like i dont wanna put pressure on ppl to tell me shit esp if its not genuine but being withholding doesnt help either and only makes me feel worse. like ik i should feel the beauty within myself and all that jazz but u not saying shit to me bc "i should know" doesnt feel right either. literally one nice "u look gorgeous" would make my whole day. would it really be that hard??? u could do it for ur fucking coworker. like i dont even wanna send her any selfies at all anymore even if she were to ask for them. and i keep getting told that i shouldnt be upset abt my hair being gone bc it "grows back" dont tell me how to fucking feel and yea it grows back but not fucking fast enough. i never wanted to have my head shaved its shaved bc i got my head beaten in and i almost fucjing died. and every time i see it its a reminder of that shit. that happened just a little over a month ago so its not like its been 2 years or some shit. im just so over being told how i should feel abt this shit or how i should handle it from ppl who have never been thru anything like this. i just wanna feel beautiful again i wish i appreciated what i looked like before more. i feel like an ugly sheared fucking sheep like a freak show. and the one person who if love to hear beautiful from the most is purposefully holding it back from me. idk im just fucking miserable man.

[cruelsister-moved]

ngl women are allowed to be uncomfortable with the internalised misogny of other women / gay people are allowed to be uncomfortable with the internalised homophobia of other gay people etc. i feel like theres a very moralistic focus on "supporting women with internalised misogny" - and obviously it would be wrong to mock or abandon a woman because she is struggling with it, and i do think there are certain people that actually really enjoy being cruel to women with internalised misogny.

HOWEVER, women are very capable of perpetuating misogny and it can be very uncomfortable for other women to be around, and i feel like "support women with internalised misogny" has sort of become a woke way of saying "stop pitting queens against eachother!!". it's partially the general misunderstanding that support and solidarity dont necessarily mean just being best pals, and partially moralistic purity that insists on upholding marginalised people no matter what.

[leonwifey]

hello! i've just found your blog but totally think your works are really beautiful! As your requests are open, can I ask for some angst? (if you don't feel like it, feel free to ignore) Like Leon and reader are happily married but she can't help but feel like Ada is still on his mind (maby he murmurs her name while having a nightmare or is too eager when someone says even a word abt her). Happy ending or not, just whatever you feel comfortable with. Thank u in advance!

"𝑯𝑬𝑹 " — there is no use in getting her off leon’s mind.

˚୨୧ genre — angst

˚୨୧ word count — 1,203

˚୨୧ note — WOW... as an aeon lover and supporter, this was painful to write!! i ate the request up though. maybe i just love making our dear reader miserable. anyways, thank you for requesting!! i had so much fun. i also wrote this with RE6 leon/ada in mind because they are very married in that game. and for everyone else here for the pain, my requests are open!

There is this thing that likes to consume you and your thoughts. It lives to eat at your mind and all of the parts that keep you sane. There is this thing that squeezes you in unyielding doubt like a snake, strangling you with insecurity. It is a thing shrouded in alluring mystery and temptation, you can only wish that it had been a dream all along. Even when you try your damndest to place it away, hidden in a dark room at the deepest depths of your mind, that woman will always be there lurking. 

There is a certain Ada Wong. 

And it seems she likes to live in Leon’s mind, too.

The moment Leon returned from his mission in China, things immediately felt out of place. You had felt the chill the second he stepped into the house and dropped his bags. A chaste kiss at your temple and nothing more. Left stunned and speechless in the dimly lit hallway, you felt like a stranger in your own home as you watched your husband make an immediate march into your shared bedroom. 

You told yourself that he was tired. Leon saw things beyond your imagination, felt emotions you could never endure, erased faces you’d never meet. Those hands had done the unspeakable and still did you make a promise to have and to hold them forever. You knew all too well that the world he lived in was just nowhere near the one you did. Some things were meant to stay unknown. Yet desperately so, you had wanted to believe in him. To believe that it was merely pure exhaustion that loomed over him and hid beneath his heavy eyelids. 

Not the ghostly memory of a love he had lost countless times.

Reunited in the bedroom, you found Leon lying on his back with his arm draped across his face. It seemed that he was still awake, you watched his bare chest rise and fall slowly. This was something you’d seen before, nothing of his was unfamiliar to you anymore. Some nights would be quieter than others, filled with loud thoughts and moonlight. Silently, you crawl back into bed without a word.

A shift in the bed, a toss and a turn, a heavy sigh. Familiar warmth crept beneath your shirt and hooked itself around your stomach, pulling you closer and snug against a beating chest. You felt his lips linger near the shell of your ear, leaving a trail of kisses down to your shoulder. “I’m sorry.” He whispered, fingers searching for yours underneath the duvet.

“It’s okay,” You didn’t make an effort to move, deciding to shut your eyes instead. “Just get some rest, baby. You’ve had a long trip.”

Thinking that that was the closing curtain, you were surprised to be turned around and face the man you had been missing for months. Even in the dark could you see the way those misty blue eyes shimmered. Leon had a face you could never tire from, one that would follow you to the end. You could never be angry at such a face.

“Can’t sleep?” You offered lamely, unsure of what to make of the look he gave you.

You watched as he studied you, for a moment before releasing an exhale. Your hands slipped out of his arms to play with the strands of blonde that had long grown since the last time you had seen him. At your touch, he dipped his face into the crook of your neck. “I missed you like crazy, sweetheart. Couldn’t sleep much without you.” 

 “You poor thing,” You coo, running your fingers through his hair. “I bet you couldn’t sleep on that plane to China.”

He lets out a dry laugh, tickling you with his stubble. “Yeah, you have no idea.”

“I'm just glad you’re home. Finally.”

“Mhm,” Leon lets out a small yawn, almost resembling a tired puppy. “I love you. You know that?”

You twirl a strand of his hair around your finger, pulling your nose against his. “I think I know more than you’ll ever know.”

“Hey,” His nose nudges you sleepily. “Say it back.”

You laughed softly, biting your lip at having his playfulness back. “I love you, too.” 

After the two of you had shared a few laughs and drowsy stories of your time without your other half, you were finally able to bask in the peaceful silence. Finally, were you able to sleep happily, wrapped in the strong arms of your lover in a bed that would no longer remain cold. Smiling at the reassuring sound of Leon’s soft snoring, you slowly wiggled your arm out of his embrace to stretch your hand out in front of you.

In the quiet bedroom with only the moon’s light serving as your night light, you wiggled your fingers in a silly dance. You watched bashfully at how the moonlight caught onto the stone on your fourth finger, a shimmering beacon of hope. Turning your hand in every direction, you were enchanted at the silver band’s lone twinkle in the darkness, a sight almost much like you. 

What rested on your finger was meant to serve as a promise, a symbol of endless days filled with love and sacrifice, an unbreakable key towards forever. And you were so supposed to be happy. 

A low murmuring takes you away from your thoughts. Lowering your hand, you listened carefully, wondering what your husband could be dreaming about. His mumbles had never been hard to decipher, you knew the agent too well. After all, Leon was your husband. Yet you felt your heart crumble when you had realized that what might have been Leon’s dream, was your nightmare.

“Ada…” He groaned, eyebrows furrowed. “Don’t leave.”

Frozen in his hold, you didn’t know what to do. Of course, you had heard of this certain Ada before. It was hard to escape the subject when at times you’d hear stories from Chris or mentions of her during calls with Hunnigan. Leon would always seem too eager when it came to her.

That woman had always been some sort of mystery to you. You wondered about the beauty she held, the circumstances in which she met your husband, how she fell in love with him. Ada Wong was a piece of Leon’s story you will never be able to uncover. 

The thought frustrated you, annoyingly enough. That there would always be another woman sitting in the backburner of your husband’s mind. Someone who had seen parts of him you would never witness, someone who he offered his heart so willingly to. Although Leon promised to choose you as his for eternity, you couldn’t help but wonder if in another life, Ada would be his. 

With a heavy heart and a sigh, you stroked Leon’s head with a shaky hand. Your eyes studied every feature of his face, every detail that you could call yours. Were they Ada’s, too? In the midst of your sleepless night, you listened to the lonely beat of your heart. All you could do was sooth away his aches and fears, holding him close as his body shook. 

“It’ll be okay,” You sorrowfully whispered. “I promise, Ada is okay.”

[luveline]

when i tell you you’re literally my all time favorite writer on here. i love love love the way you write things. it’s so natural, it flows so well, it’s amazing.

i have a request if you don’t mind. james x plus sized!reader where she overhears him and his friends talking and they’re like talking bad abt her and she runs away before she can hear him defend her. so when he sees her later she tells him she wants to break up cause he deserves better. and he explains that he loves her only.

babe stop ily ily tysm 😭😭♥️♥️ thank u for requesting! hope this is okay! (insecure plus sized!reader x rugby player!james)

"Sweetheart?" James asks into the quiet flat, frowning down at his phone. He's already blocked half his old friends and he's trying his best to block the rest while explaining the situation to Sirius. 

Bunch of shallow losers 

was getting fucked off w mclaggen anyway mate. Good riddance. Is ur bird OK? 

She's fine. Well, technically haven't told her what they said. Maybe I shouldn't ? 

happy it's happening to u n not me 

James groans. Such a Sirius way to say he's empathetic. 

"Y/N?" he calls for you again, shoving his phone in his pocket. 

He's been berated with 'learn to take a joke' messages for the last half hour. He won't, though, because nobody jokes about his girl – not on his watch. He would've made it physical if it weren't for how upset it makes you.

His eyebrows pinch together. Where are you? He'd been expecting to see you for dinner and you'd never showed up, and now you weren't here? 

He's turned around to put his shoes back on when he hears it finally, your miserable, muffled sniffling. He finds you sitting at the end of his bed, a plastic bag in your hand full of clothes. 

"Going somewhere?" he asks lightly. 

You wince. "Going home," you murmur. 

"Home's right here." 

Your lips pucker, a wave of trembling. 

"What's the matter?" 

"It's nothing." 

"Your stuff is packed and you're crying a storm, so forgive me if I don't believe you," he says, a tension in his tone that he regrets but can't kick. 

"I think we should break up." 

James scowls. Then, after a moment to recompose himself, asks, "Why? You don't want to be with me?" 

"I always want to be with you," you say miserably, wiping your face with the back of your hand. James hovers in the doorway, wanting to comfort you, as if he isn't the one getting broken up with. 

"Then why do you want to break up?" 

You suck in a big breath and look up at him, and he wants to cry as soon as he gets a good look at your face, all blotchy and damp with tears. You squeeze the bag of clothes to your chest, hiding your body. 

"You're you, Jamie, and I'm me. It's just never going to work." 

"It's working right now." 

"Your friends-" 

A wave of relief and horror, because fuck, you'd heard them, their flippant, awful comments. But now he has an explanation for why you're crying and that means he can fix it. 

"You were there." 

You nod. "They're right. About everything." You sound gutted. His heart skips. "I- I'm not pretty enough, or skinny enough, or anything that you need. All the other guys have perfect cheerleader girlfriends and you could too, you could have any girl you want, and-" 

"I quit the rugby team."

You flinch. Maybe not quite the reaction he has in mind, but you stop your rant of self-hatred, and that's enough. 

Your eyes are wide and bright with a rush of tears. "You what?" 

"I quit. I'll join a different one." 

"James, you can't just quit. You've worked so hard-" 

"I know I have. And I'm not stopping, but I'm not staying on a team of fuckwad idiots who spew locker room poison about my girl." 

"But they're right, James." 

He drops his rucksack on the ground and approaches you slowly so you don't spook, pulling the bag of clothes from your reluctant fingers. "Sweetheart, they're not right. How can you think that?" 

"Of course they are. I'm exactly what they said." 

"You're beautiful." 

You hiccup. He brings a hand to your face slowly, sliding his fingers across your soft cheek to rest under your ear, thumbs pushed into your chin. He rubs the pad of one over your chin, back and forth and back again, waiting for some sign that you've been soothed. Sure enough, your shoulders fall, your eyebrows relax. 

"Don't quit the team," you whisper, looking up at him. He thinks your eyes are so pretty, even heavy with tears. 

"I already did. And after the things I said, I doubt they'd let me back." He scowls to himself. "Not that I ever want to go back," he adds hotly. 

"James," you whine. 

He brings his hands together, lightly squeezing your face as he leans down. "Please don't break up with me," he says pathetically. 

You cover one of his hands with your own. "I don't want to." Something in your voice tells him you're both gonna be alright, the seriousness of it. 

"Good. Please don't, angel. I genuinely think I would die. I'm not too masculine and sexy to admit that."

"Masculine and sexy," you repeat weakly. 

"So you agree." 

You grumble then, the sound you always make when he's getting his way and being a cornball about it. 

He can't take it anymore, pressing a firm, hot kiss to the crest of your hairline. His hands caress the back of your head, the nape of your neck. He pulls away, feels a spike of stress that he could possibly lose you, and presses a second right on top of the first. 

Your hands search for him, bumping over his arms, fingers finding the round hill of his bicep. 

"Alright, bring it in, sweet thing," he says, quick to pull you up by the armpits, wrapping you in a strong hug. 

Your arms slide over his shoulders and around his neck until you're chest to chest. 

"I'm sorry people are so fucking awful. That you can't just live without all this bullshit," he says. 

You pull him in impossibly tighter, face pushed into his neck. Your nose rubs a stripe up his neck, and your breath is hot on his skin. 

"M'sorry I can't be different." 

He pulls you back fast, startled, needing to see you eye to eye. "I love you exactly how you are. I love you right now, like this. I don't want you to be different. I just… want you," he emphasises, and hopes you can read every ounce of meaning. 

You look a little lost. He presses his forehead into yours and sighs. 

"I love you," you say. Your fingers twitch where they rub against his neck, tangling in the short hairs there. 

You share a breath, two, long minutes in the relief of an averted heartbreak he's not sure he would've survived. 

"Wanna have gooey make up sex?" he asks eventually, hoping to lift your mood. 

"We didn't really break up," you say, your giggling a mixture of nervous excitement. 

"Oh, right. Well, break up with me so I can give you crazy, ridiculous head."

"Jamie," you chide quietly. He's already moving down, hands probing the doughy flesh of your thighs. 

He kneels between your legs, looking up at your smiling, damp face.  

"I bet I look awful from down there," you murmur. 

He tilts his head to one side, assessing. "S'my favourite place in the whole world." 

[loplainlointhemorning]

Hello! I saw your post on exposingcourtneylove, along with the tags saying how nothing negative was ever said about Kurt, and the further discussion on how it was a mutually toxic relationship. I have wondering if you could elaborate on that? I'm not denying that men can't be victims to abuse, of course--I had an uncle who was in an emotionally abusive relationship, alot like how that blog described.

yeah man ofc, thank you for being so respectful & asking abt a special interest of mine. I think exposingcourtneylove was/is a complete delusional mess bc it’s run by somebody who legitimately used to believe they were dating his ghost in the spirit world & fucking thru astral projection so I kinda pity that entire scene now. aside from shit that can be proved w video clips (such as Court saying slurs & shit) I wouldn’t believe anything u read there, esp not the shit abt like. Frances being forcibly conceived. bc that’s just a disgusting disgrace to how much Kurt wanted & loved that child, but that’s a side rant.

Kurt was really manipulative in his own ways and very dysfunctional. he never matured properly bc of trauma and untreated mental illness so he just never developed a real sense of emotional responsibility or an understanding of adult life, if that makes sense? like at my age he was still living rent free w Tracy Marander & manipulating her out of asking for help by threatening to sleep in his car. His relationship with Tobi Vail failed bc she wasn’t interested in mothering him or being in a monogamous relationship with him (neither of which they’re guilty of anything for!) so without somebody basically acting as his mother he lived in complete disarray and was miserable. when he and court got together she fulfilled all that shit he couldn’t get from his two previous serious relationships.

firstly, she was maternal and sort of a parentified eldest sibling so she was willing to baby and protect him. she would clean up after him, revive him, do drugs with him, defend him, filter his parental relationships for him, and give him at least a parody of the cohesive family life he was convinced he had to have. that is a LOT to expect your wife to do for you, and ofc he reciprocated in his own ways, but it went like? deeper than that? like according to Heavier Than Heaven and Hole’s BTM, Kurt was so needy and so fucked up that it put a strain on their relationship.

examples of that neediness would be: begging Courtney to let him do drugs/manipulating her into using with him, expecting her to help him through all of his breakdowns/not being able to handle them himself, being so insecure that he would rather OD than like. have an adult discussion with his wife about his insecurities & spare his child the loss of her dad. like he overdosed in Rome because he was convinced she was cheating and it affected her so badly that she had a nervous breakdown and her hair started coming out bc the mfer put himself in a COMA rather than talking about it.

if she laid down any ground rules, esp during the last year of their marriage, he would immediately break them. when she asked him not to do drugs in the house, he would just disappear to random hotels and she’d freak out thinking he’d die while using. if she let him do drugs in the house, she’d have to revive him or potentially have him die in front of her. when they did their final intervention to try and save his life, he told her she didn’t have any room to talk because she was just as fucked up as him- a fact that at the time wasn’t true, and it upset her so much that she had to be helped out of the house & out of the intervention. she was dedicated to improving in ways that Kurt wasn’t and she was never, never as badly addicted to specifically heroin as he was.

I think court is abusive, definitely, but specifically to Frances. I don’t think it can be argued that she abused Kurt because while she did pick fights with him & do things that set off his insecurities, he fought back just as hard and he hurt her very very deeply. I don’t think either of them were good to one another but I think they were as good as they could be, if that makes sense? like I think there was true love & soulmate shit going on there, it was just buried under these horrible issues and unhealed traumas. the real victim of Kurt and Courtney’s relationship is Frances, who is basically the quintessential “fix-it baby”, something she’s described herself as before. like idk why we focus on who abused who in an equally codependent & miserable relationship when the kid they had is the one who endured the most damage.