#this is a very slow grueling process

[harapeveco]

Translating was a mistake

[artynightmare]

Mmm Pebbles drawing I did last week. This took me many grueling hours but I think it turned out very well considering the process (lots of trial and error).

I haven't really used Tumblr for my art actively before so this is new to me and my posting might be slow, but I plan to stay. I can also be found on Twitter under the same username!

[hannieehaee]

finding out you're pregnant - pu

hhu, vu, pu

content: mentions of pregnancy, mentions of marriage, established relationship, initial negative reactions, fluffy outcome for all of them.

wc: 480

a/n: for context, the original prompt was what their reaction would be if they had a bad reaction to it at first and then tried to fix things 😭 personally i dont think any of them would make u feel anything but reassured at being pregnant specially considering their ages lol

masterlist

jun -

he'd be in such immense shock he would have no idea how to react, standing completely still for a long while before giving you a very frustrating reaction such as yelping in shock or just asking 'what?' he'd immediately regret not giving you a better reaction, but he wouldn't be able to get over the shock, causing you to storm away either in annoyance or hurt.

he'd snap out of it eventually, stammering as he followed after you and begging for forgiveness. he'd be so over the moon about it upon processing it, thinking back to his younger brother and how much he loved watching him growing up. he'd be sooo happy to know he'd get to raise a child with you.

soonyoung -

he's a little slow to process things sometimes lol so he'd probably be too in his mind to realize what you said, asking you to repeat yourself multiple times and eventually driving you to frustration. you'd think he was acting obtuse on purpose, when in reality he was far too shocked by the news.

it'd take him a little while for the news to settle and for the happiness from the news to really show. would have to gruel and apologize to you endlessly, feeling horrible for not having had a better reaction for you. literally cries when the news settle, far too happy at knowing you're carrying his child.

minghao -

i genuinely cannot imagine him ever having any type of negative reaction or being too caught off guard by it, but if that were to happen, i think you'd have to have told him in a blunt way that had him maybe bothered by how casual you were about it. maybe that would cause him to be far too shocked by the news to react properly, making you think that he might not be really happy about it.

he'd never let it go too far without clarifying how happy he was, making sure you were happy about it too. would maybe even cry from happiness at the thought of starting a family with you and thinking about what itd be like to see a child of his own grow up with the two of you.

chan -

maybe he'd make some comment about how soon this all was since he's still so young, but i dont think he'd mean it in a negative way, but more so in a shocked way. would have an 'oh shit' moment when he realized he mightve fucked up by not reacting properly, realizing that you must be under so much stress/nerves at the news yourself.

would slap himself over and over at not being a good boyfriend and being comforting about it. would apologize endlessly and reassure you that he was so happy with it all. that if he ever envisioned himself having a baby, it was with you.

[leilavin0]

Cain and Adam? How do they feel about each other?

[ it's complicated. ]

[ the first father and the first son are trying to rebuild, now that adam is in hell but that it's a very slow and grueling process. ]

[princessbrunette]

I’m really bored and i’m thinking about your blog, so here’s some more animal readers for you incase you’re looking for some new ideas.

fox!reader: she’s a pouge of course, sly and cunning but she can be shy and timid like an actual fox, lowkey a kleptomaniac, been arrested several times on account of shop lifting. Loves jean skirts, and baby tees, and a pair of wedges on her feet. She’s uses tears as a weapon.

I can also see her with pouge rafe, they’re not friends exactly but they know eachother (maybe they grew up together) one day she overheard him talking about how tight money is at the moment, and so she shows up to his house with thousands of dollars in a bag and holds it out to him all sweetly like “i got this for you.” And he’s all wide eyed like “where the fuck did you get all this from?” and she’s like “it was sitting in suitcase at barry’s house and no one’s name was on it, i got it for you.” all innocently and now he’s an near hyperventilating, snapping at her “you’re gonna get both of us fucked up.” and she gets teary eyed like “but i got it for you 🥺”

She meets john b when he catches her stealing one of his chickens (like foxes do, except she doesn’t want to eat it, she wants it as a pet) She tries to hide the chicken under her shirt when he catches her, & johnb’s like “do you…have one of my chickens?” scratching his head all confused and half asleep cs its 10 in the morning, and she’s like “….no.” even as the chicken is literally freaking out under her jacket, stomps her foot when he tries to retrieve his chicken and tells him that “you don’t need them all! you already have so many!” and he just like “they’re literally mine though….” and she starts crying, until he gives her an egg. then probably runs away without saying thank you cs she’s scared he might take it back. Johnb tells everyone about it later and literally no one believes him.

or maybe even regular look rafe. She’s Always getting into trouble with him because she think “no” means “find a way to do it yourself.” it’s a slow and grueling process for him, breaking her out of her sneaky habits, i mean he literally met her when she pickpocketed him at a party she snuck her way into, (he did not like that told her “oh your ass is going to prison now.” and had to literally chase her down when she tried to make a run for it. she ended up crying and he let her go.)

met jj in an over night holding cell at the county jail, after she was picked up for…breaking and entering (in her defense she saw something shiny through the window and had to have it) jj thinks it’s cute when she tearfully confesses why she’s there, so he takes her under his wing and introduces her to the pouges (she’s instrumental in the search for gold cs she’s so smart and knows how to manipulate people into getting what she wants.)

She met pope when she quite literally walked up to him while he’s doing work for his dad, points at his shark tooth necklace and says “can i have that?” and he gives it to her cs he’s super confused and also why not, she’s cute and she looks like she might start sobbing if he says no) and then it became a thing that she asks for something of his every time she sees him, he doesn’t know what she’s doing with all his shit, but it’s fine.

she’s cute and so me, so i’ll let you decide which of the boys she would be with!

this is sooooo good !! i think moony writes a fox reader but im not sure how similar this is !!!!! i love her being a klepto and i think she works great with pogue!rafe !! both very rough n tumble but fox still has that sweetness to her n rafe very clearly doesn’t. all her interactions with the pogues are so fun too — this is a 10/10 🩷🩷

[beta-captions-for-cucks]

When Chastity becomes a part of you

The first time I tried out a chastity cage, I was in college. It had come right after the end of my first relationship. It was a weird and emotional time because I had been dating this really beautiful girl for about 6 months. She was smart, funny, and very beautiful. We were both in our early 20s, and she was excited to "corrupt me" as I was still a virgin.

We had spent a couple months talking about our what our first time was gonna be like and all the different types of role play stuff we'd try afterwards. However, as we got closer to having sex, I began to get very nervous. At some point, I realized I wasn't ready to lose my virginity and asked her if it would be okay if we didn't have sex.

She said no. Sex was too important to a relationship. We broke up.

Soon after the break up, she found a new boyfriend. Taller and more attractive than me. I had felt like I had made the hugest mistake in the world. While she was dating this new guy, I was beginning to discover new parts of the kink world. I had always had a fetish for maid uniforms, but at some-point I discovered maids wearing chastity cages. I was confused but something in me was interested.

I bought a plastic cage, and the first time I tried it on I took it off immediately. Not only was it impossible to easily get on because I kept getting hard, but it felt so damn uncomfortable. How did people enjoy this kinda thing?

I didn't throw out the cage though. Despite being uncomfortable, I kept trying it on for bits of time. I can't say I ever fell in love with it during that time, but I also couldn't stop trying cages on even if for only a few minutes.

I remember also discovering cuckholding around this time and a part of me wanted to drive to my now exs house, confess that breaking up was a mistake, and ask her if I could at least be her and her new boyfriends maid. But, I was much too shy, meek, and confused to do that.

Time past, I got into a new relationship, we lost our virginity to each other. I can't remember if I ever caged myself during that time. I had this misconception that I was a dominate person. When me and her would play around, I'd take the dominate role but always felt lost. Even than, I felt bad she had to settle for what I was packing but she always reassured me she enjoyed it.

At that point in my life, I could stay caged for an hour, two at most. I still thought it was interesting but it was more a curiosity. Why did I like squirting from my cage rather than like how a regular man would? Why did I keep caging myself if I felt frustrated from it?

During the pandemic, I began wearing my cage for extended periods of time. I'd still feel that frustration but it wasn't nearly as intense. The sensation of the cage felt pleasant, and Oing with the cage on felt better than any other way I had before.

One day, while I was putting on the cage, I noticed a difference. I didn't get hard while putting it on. It was at this point, I realized the cage had won over my biology. Before, getting the cage on was a grueling process. I'd have to put on the base ring, wait a few minutes to calm down, and even than getting the cage part on was hard. Yet, that day the cage just went on. There was no fighting it. No difficulty.

From that point on, I felt almost naked without the cage. I could go hours without wearing it, but why would I want? I felt so much less anxious when I was caged. However, wearing the cage also made me want to do other things and so sometimes I'd go a few days without my cage just so I could focus on life. I was mostly self-locked so there wasn't anyone controlling my chastity. I could cage and uncage as I pleased.

With chastity, I think you need the dedication to give yourself time to get used to it, but also have someone your staying caged for. Someone who can give you guidance, reassurance, and some humiliation to keep going.

I already had part of that. It was slow, took years, but eventually I got so used to my cage that taking it off felt wrong. However, I also didn't have a person pushing me to keep it on. Now that I have an owner, I wanna be caged. It's no longer just about the sensation but so I can be the best beta sub for her.

[seriouslycromulent]

The Surprising Reason John Larroquette Took His Career-Defining Role on 'Night Court'

The comedy ninja reveals all this week's 'Parade' cover story.

MARA REINSTEIN

UPDATED:JAN 19, 2023

Get in a car and drive about 30 miles north of Portland, Oregon, into southwest Washington. That’s where you’ll find actor John Larroquette.

He and his wife, Elizabeth, have lived on a piece of rural property for about five years. He collects books and likes to narrate plays in his home recording studio. Sometimes the couple head into the city to try new restaurants and go to the theater and concerts. “It’s really beautiful,” he says. “And at my age, it’s time to slow down and be out somewhere.”

In fact, Larroquette is so fond of his far-from-Hollywood lifestyle that not too long ago, he considered himself retired from the business with a fulfilling career and a room full of trophies to show for it. Never did he think he’d return to grueling TV work, let alone reprise the very role that made him a household name.

Guess what happened next?

Yup, Larroquette, 75, is suiting back up as wise-cracking, endearingly smarmy lawyer Dan Fielding in a new version of the irreverent sitcom Night Court (premiering Jan. 17 on NBC). Set decades after the 1984-92 original, it still chronicles the colorful cast of characters passing through the New York City after-hours courtroom. But now, the Honorable Abby Stone (Melissa Rauch), the daughter of Judge Harry T. Stone (Harry Anderson), bangs the gavel.

Fielding starts the series as a process server, though not for long. “As an actor, I thought it would be an interesting idea to revisit a character 35 years later in his life and see what happened to him,” Larroquette says. “I can’t do the physical comedy and jump over chairs anymore, so my conversations with the producers were about how to find the funny.”

Call it the latest unexpected turn for a seasoned star who began his professional journey as a DJ for “underground” radio in the 1960s, moved from his native New Orleans to Los Angeles to jumpstart his career, once took a gig in exchange for marijuana, played a Klingon in the third Star Trek movie and completed rehab to kick his heavy drinking—all before his very first audition for Night Court in 1983. After the sitcom’s last episode, he won his fifth Emmy (for the drama The Practice) and a 2011 Tony for the Broadway revival of How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying. He and Elizabeth, wed for 47 years, have three grown children.

“I honestly wish I had a tape recorder going at all times because he’s led such an interesting life and has such wonderful stories,” marvels Rauch, his co-star and a Night Court executive producer. “He’s super-quick, funny and definitely tells it like it is.”

Exhibit A? His interview with Parade, in which he discusses life and death, and everything in between.

Did you sign on to the series right away or was it a tough sell?

When Melissa [Rauch] presented the idea to me, I immediately said, “No thank you.” I didn’t like the idea of being compared to my 35-year-old, younger self. These conversations went on for a year. Then, one day, she told me that she wanted to be on-camera as well, so I decided to try and do it. We ended up pitching the show together, and it got picked up. You know, in New Orleans, there’s a French word called “lagniappe,” which means “a little bonus.” That’s what I consider myself. She’s the heart of the show.

Sadly, a few of your co-stars—including Harry Anderson and Markie Post—have died in recent years. What was it like being on the set without them?

Very emotional. Harry passed away in 2018, but it’s still a tender spot in my heart because he and I were together for a long time even outside of work. Markie and I were very close, and we had exchanged a few emails about the show before she died [in 2021]. She was a big cheerleader for it. And Charlie [Robinson, who played the clerk “Mac”] died when we were shooting the pilot last year. I saw him a lot because we both love the theater. Being on the set—I don’t say this glibly—but it was like seeing dead people. I’d always remember how I had this bizarre and completely sincere family for nine years.

Going back to the 1980s, why did you originally take the Dan Fielding role?

It was a paycheck. This was 1983, and I was still a journeyman actor going from job to job. I was a regular on a series in the ‘70s [Baa Baa Black Sheep], but then I took a few years off to do some extremely heavy drinking. After I got sober and realized I wasn’t going to die, I thought, “What am I going to do?” I had been in a pretty big [1981] movie called Stripes with Bill Murray. I read for Ted Danson’s role in Cheers.

Wait, how far did you get in the Sam Malone casting process?

Oh, I just walked in and did a cold reading along with every other 32-year-old actor at the time. But then I auditioned for the judge in Night Court. The producers asked me to read for this other role of Dan Fielding and I said, “Sure.” Even if I hated the role, I would have taken it because I needed to make money to help pay the rent and support my family and be a responsible member of society. It was luck that I really liked it. Then I got lucky again when NBC picked up the show as a mid-season replacement.

During the height of the show’s popularity, you earned four consecutive Emmys for your performance. That must have felt beyond validating.

Obviously, being acknowledged by your contemporaries was an incredible honor. I don’t say that blithely. It was a remarkable, remarkable feeling. And I was up against some formidable talent—mainly all those guys from Cheers.

Why do you think the character was and is so appealing?

I think because he allowed the audience to know that he wasn’t a bad guy. He was more like a feckless buffoon. He also really wanted to be loved. As a matter of fact, in our pitch, we screened an old scene of Fielding in a hospital bed telling Harry, “I don’t have a life; I have a lifestyle. Nobody has ever said, ‘I love you.’” So when we find Fielding again, he’s loved and lost. And Harry’s daughter forces him out of his cave. It’s a real full-circle moment.

Let’s go back to your own start. Did you have any music skills coming out of New Orleans?

Well, I started playing clarinet in third grade, then I moved to the saxophone in the 1960s. But I euphemistically say that I could talk better than I could blow. So, I took that sax out of my mouth and became a DJ and started using my voice as much as I could. I’ve always loved the analog aspect of audio. I still have some reel-to-reel tape recordings and old microphones.

Is that how you ended up narrating the opening prologue for [the 1974 horror classic] The Texas Chainsaw Massacre?

No, no, that wasn’t through any kind of past work. In the summer of ‘69, I was working as a bartender at a small Colorado resort in a little town called Grand Lake because I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with my life. [Director] Tobe Hooper happened to be in town and we became friendly. Flash forward four years, and I found myself in L.A. collecting unemployment checks and trying to decide if I wanted to be an actor. Tobe heard I was in town and asked for an hour of my time to narrate something for this movie he just did. I said, “Fine!” It was a favor.

Per the Internet, he gave you a joint in lieu of payment. True?

Totally true. He gave me some marijuana or a matchbox or whatever you called it in those days. I walked out of the studio and patted him on his back side and said, “Good luck to you!” Now, I have also narrated the consequential films and did get paid. You do something for free in the 1970s and get a little money in the ‘90s. I’m not a big horror movie fan, so I’ve never seen it. But it’s certainly the one credit that’s stuck strongly to my resume.

But you’ve appeared on the big screen plenty of times. Did you have movie-star aspirations following all your TV success?

The movies I’ve done are mostly forgettable. Blind Date [from 1987] is an exception, but that’s because of Bruce Willis and Kim Basinger. And Blake Edwards directed it. It was funny. But my face is not made for a really big screen. It’s a broad, clown-like face. It’s good for a TV two-shot. And you ride the horse in the direction that it’s going and television was always right there and offering me stuff, so I kept doing that.

You also performed in a musical for the first time in How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying in 2010. How was that change of pace?

I was hesitant to do it because I had never sung and danced on stage. I was convinced I was going to be fired in the first two or three weeks. I’d keep going in my head, “five, six, seven, eight!” just trying to get the steps down. But I loved the lifestyle of being a stage actor in New York. I loved working with Daniel Radcliffe, and we became fast friends. It got to a point where I couldn’t wait to get to the theater and try it again that night. If you’re given the opportunity to do something that may be a stretch, I think it’s important to try and see if you can pull it off.

Can you talk a bit about your personal life? You seem a little reclusive.

Reclusive isn’t accurate, but I’m definitely an introvert. Elizabeth and I met doing the play Enter Laughing and got married in 1975. She puts up with me, and you can’t ask for much more than that. Our kids are grown. My daughter Lisa is a graphic designer and my son Jonathan has had a podcast for the past 17 years called Uhh Yeah Dude. And my youngest son, Ben, is a musician who graduated from the Berklee School of Music. He actually composed the new theme music for Night Court. They’re all lovely, and I love them dearly.

That’s quite a professional and personal success story, no?

You know, considering where I’m from and the kind of culture I grew up in, yes. I’ve been very successful in my chosen field. And I’m grateful for having done that because there were times when I thought I would not live, much less have a career. It’s nothing to be taken for granted. But I’m very old now. Three quarters of a century. I’m sort of playing with house money from now on, regardless of what happens.

Sorry, but 75 isn’t very old!

Yes, it’s old. It’s old. Please. It’s old. There are certainly people who live longer, but I can go down the list of wonderful friends and coworkers who are now deceased. One being Kirstie Alley, my costar in [the 1990 comedy] Madhouse, who was younger than I am. She was a lovely person, and so funny. There are only a few more exits on the freeway and you’ve got to choose one. But I’m not afraid of the hereafter and I don’t bemoan it. It’s been an interesting ride, and all rides eventually end.

Do you have any sort of words to live by?

As corny as it sounds, take things one day at a time. You know, I learned when I stopped drinking at age 32 that all you have is right now. Use the present in your life as much as you can.

Source: https://parade.com/celebrities/john-larroquette-night-court-cover-story

-----

My thoughts (please feel free to ignore):

I'm sure someone in the fandom has already posted this interview John did last year with Parade magazine when the new Night Court premiered. But I can say that it's new to me, so I'm sharing it in case it's new to someone else too.

I apologize for the highlighted purple sections above. That's just me marking the parts of the interview that resonated with me the most.

I don't know about anyone else, but some parts of his answers to the questions made me feel kind of sad. Partially because he's clearly experiencing grief at the loss of his friends. And partially because John himself may not be with us for much longer (although I hope I'm wrong and he beats Betty White to 100).

But I was talking to my mother about some of his answers, and she said that as someone who has reached an age milestone herself, she understands his perspective. And I guess I do too.

It's important to remember that in any other profession, John would likely be retired by now. So we should really be grateful for any roles he takes or public appearances he makes, and hope that his days ahead are filled with the calm, joy and laughter that he so rightly deserves.

[stranger-fanfiction-n-things]

PROLOGUE

(Gif and photo of Michaela DePrince)

This is an Original Character fanfiction. All Stranger Things characters and content are owned by Netflix and The Duffer Brothers.

a/n: This is my first fanfiction ever. I believe pacing and context is important in any story. This is going to be a slow burn. Hopefully this prologue gives you a little insight on who Diana Sinclair is separate from The Party.

I am a ballet dancer so there is a lot of dance terminology in this. I urge you all to look up some of these moves and positions.

Anywho, let me know what you all think!

Word Count: 1032

Masterlist

PROLOGUE || PART I ||

Sunday November 6, 1983 - BELOV DANCE ACADEMY

Piqué tour. Piqué tour. Upper body. Piqué tour and…double pirouette en dedans. 

“Beautiful, Diana.” Madame Petrovna praises over the melodic rhythm. 

My cheeks grow hot and I continue to dance breathing deeply through my nose. I prepare myself for the hardest move: the Gargouillade. I still didn’t quite understand it, but let my body guide me through the movement. Extending my right foot dégagé to the side, rotating my leg in a small rond de jambe, while pushing off the floor with my left leg to do another rond de jambe with my left foot. 

“And jump!” Madame Petrovna exclaims. “Yes, yes.” 

I perform the gargouillade again, wincing slightly at the second rond de jambe. I didn’t circle my foot completely. 

“Don’t show me you’re tired, Diana. This move is supposed to look effortless.” 

I force myself to smile to hide my disappointment. Soutenu, soutenu, step, step. Double pirouette down to the knee and pose. 

“Good. Very Good girls.” Madam Petrovna says, clapping her hands in her poised manner. Which meant we could do better. “Waltz of the Flowers to the stage please.”  

We all curtsy before running off stage. As soon as my body disappears beyond the curtain, I deflate wiping the sweat off my forehead with the back of my hand. My cheeks burn from exertion. The Dance of Marzipan was a little over two minutes long but it was one of the hardest dances in The Nutcracker Showcase as lead. 

The Waltz of the Flowers orchestration begin shortly after and I watch the performance quietly on my own, swaying from side-to-side en pointe, the malleable shank of my pointe shoes bending with the arches of my feet with each shift in weight. I need to start breaking in my other pair of pointe shoes mom bought for me two weeks ago. These were dead. I glance at my wristwatch. 7:00pm. I sigh, exhaustion weighing down on me. We’re running late as usual. 

“You’re doing great,” a voice whispers near my ear. 

I whip around, clutching my necklace. 

 “Sorry for scaring you!” Mei Wong says. 

Mei Wong is the Sugar Plum Fairy in the annual showcase of The Nutcracker at Belov Dance Academy. She’s also a senior at Hawkins High, most of the girls at the Academy are. I didn’t talk to her or anyone much, my shyness getting the best of me. I always had Nancy until she quit last year. Mom says I need to “put myself out there more” and make new friends at the Academy. The proposition sounded like a death sentence. 

I sigh in relief, revealing a small smile. “It’s okay.” 

“I just wanted to say, you did so well in your routine. I think Madame Petrovna made a great choice picking you to be lead.” 

The audition process for lead was grueling and downright nasty. The girls at the Academy were extremely competitive and I didn’t have a competitive bone in my body, choosing to have fun and enjoy the experience. It didn’t mean I wanted the part less than the other girls. Deep down, I really wanted it and practiced every day after school until the auditions with help from Nancy, Barbara and Mom on technique and presentation. The voice at the back of my mind constantly nit-picked my skills. Taunting me with cruel words and insecure thoughts. You’re too short. You’re not good enough. You can’t dance. You will never be like Mei Wong or Sophie Miller. If it weren’t for Nancy, I would’ve made up an excuse to not audition. 

Two weeks later in the front room of the Academy, I held my head high as I walked to the bulletin board and saw my name across Lead Marzipan. 

“Thank you,” I say. “It means a lot coming from you.” 

“Don’t thank me, you deserve it. Have you ever thought about Juilliard?” 

Juilliard? Last month, Madame Petrovna announced that Mei Wong applied for Juilliard. That was huge for us small-towners. Unheard of even. Juilliard was Emerald City to us at Belov Dance Academy. A place where hopes and dreams can come true. 

I shake my head, toying with my pendant. “No.” 

“I think you should. I can definitely see you going there.” 

I blink unable to comprehend what I heard. Mei Wong is by far the best dancer at the Academy and she was telling me she can see me at Juilliard. The Mecca of all things art. The magical place far from home. Mei looks at me, concern etching her features and I realize I’m staring at her. 

“R-Really?” I stutter.

 “Of course!” 

 “Oh, wow.” I answer, sounding breathless in my ears. 

Mei nods her head in response and I sense the conversation is over. The silence is awkward and a wave of acid wells up in my stomach. I have so much to ask her, but the words are caught under the lump in my throat.  

“I’m gonna get ready with Ben. I’ll talk to you later?” 

I nod cursing violently in my head for being so…awkward. When Mei was far enough, I groan plopping myself down on the floor. Stretching my legs in a straddle split, I watch the girls in Waltz of the Flowers. I don’t pay attention because the acid in my stomach turned into butterflies. Juilliard. I never thought about the school until last month and now Mei thinks I should consider auditioning.

              You know dad won’t let you go. 

I lay down on my stomach resting my chin on the back of my hands. The butterflies in my stomach harden to knots. Juilliard is in New York. Dad wouldn’t even let me see Prince in Indianapolis. The closer to Hawkins, the better. Dad didn’t appreciate change. He was at peace in Hawkins and its simplicity. If he found out his baby girl wanted a life outside of Hawkins…I’m sure it’ll break his heart and I couldn’t stomach the possibility. The look on his face. 

I shake my head, pushing down the thought. I just started sophomore year and had more than enough time to think about college. Especially Juilliard. 

CHAPTER 1: THE VANISHING OF WILL BYERS

[feketeribizli]

Hey, I did an obscure masters in art and graduated last year and I won't lie, I was out of work for months. I finished the course in late August and I didn't get a job until April. I had to quit that job after a week because it was an awful, deeply uncomfortable job, and then it was another month before I got another offer. It was a minimum wage job and it was very exhausting, and now I'm rambling sorry but like. Basically I finally got something I wanted! It took me a year, and it was a very emotionally taxing year, but it happened. The job hunt is one of the worst things, but you'll get something. Don't lose hope, you're not the only one, it WILL be okay ♥️♥️♥️

thank you for sharing your experiences with me!!! 🥺❣ ive been preparing for it to take time like thats the only thing they told us for certain at uni lol... but ive been hurrying the process cause i got really good accomodation up in the city that itd be a waste to keep paying for if im not there (and im usually not there) (tho things might just change cause i fucking HATE our new flatmates lmaooo)

i just had my interview and maybe this grueling month is what i needed to realize that giving a chance to commerce/costumer service may have opened some doors but ultimately its not for me... i might just sit down slow back down rewind and start the whole process from the beginning with a new perspective (also known as work on my portfolio. or start drawing porn for money who knows!)

anyway sorry for ranting under your ask haha and thanks again for sharing!!! i dont wanna say im glad but like. you get it its nice to know that im not the only one 😁👍

[thinkpink212]

How to effectively plan your week by using Astrology

☾ I have been using astrology for the past 2 years to not only help my manifestations but also just better structure my months and better avoid burnouts through prioritization. ☾ The weekdays and hours all have rulers that can help point to where it is most beneficial to place our focus and efforts.

☽ The Day of the Moon - Monday ☾ This is the best day for you to take care of your emotional and mental wellbeing. Seek to get more rest, meditate, journal, avoid stressful people and situations. This is also a great time to handle lighter domestic tasks such as laundry, cooking, light cleaning and other essentials that help improve your space. Lastly, this is a great day to check in on your emotions and indulge in nostalgia. 

♂The Day of Mars - Tuesday ♂ This is a day with a higher and faster pace, so you may find yourself with more energy and bravado. You should therefore seek to move your body more, follow that ambitious energy and even allow yourself to be more bold. 

☿ The Day of Mercury - Wednesday ☿ On this day communication, creativity and coming together is made easy. This makes this an optimal day for learning, studying (especially in groups), solving problems and organizing your life/space. A day such as this is also great for further developing your ideas, answer emails and resolve conflicts

 ♃ The Day of Jupiter - Thursday ♃ A day like this is meant for expanding and exploring. So, do more research, learn something new, go on adventure and delve deeper into your spiritual or religious practice(s). On days like this, we may find ourselves having more unique and out of this world experiences that feel perfectly planned yet so random. Lastly, this is a perfect day to try your luck and trust the process

♀The Day of Venus - Friday ♀ For the day of love and beauty, you may find yourself enjoying it best by spreading love to yourself and others. Take this time to book your beauty appointments (hair, nails, teeth, waxing etc.), spoil yourself, indulge in good food, art and company. And lastly, wear your cutests most favorite clothes and treat the day like it belongs to you. 

 ♄ The Day of Saturn - Saturday ♄ This is a more serious day where the things that have been put off or need special attention should and most likely will be done. This is a day where you may find yourself being more able to hold yourself accountable, refocusing on your goals and re-establishing any structures that may have been broken throughout the /month. So on this day, take care of longer and more grueling tasks, and plan for the upcoming week. Lastly, this is also a day most seem to shine brighter at work, so take advantage of that energy.

☉ The Day Of the Sun - Sunday ☉ This is a day to spend the day focused on ourselves and enjoy the slowness of it all. If the sun is bright, sit under it and recharge. On this day, connecting with our ego can feel easier, so, journal, get your thoughts out, write down your gratitudes, wishes, wants, disappointments and remind yourself of who you are and recenter.  This is a day of choosing you first! 

What Now? Look at your life and to your best abilities, schedule everything according to what fits your wants & needs with the rulerships of each day. Mondays are for moon-thingz, so even if you can’t get off on Monday, attempt to still rest, recharge and take care of your environment. We live within a very structured world, where many of us start on Monday, so attempt to do what you can with what you have. Many joke that they  hate monday, and that may be because the energies of that day do not align with having to begin a long week of working. And oppositely, Friday is loved because it is Venus – we want to be social, seek beauty and love. With the end of the long workweek being Friday, it fulfills Venusian desires, so it tends to be a day that goes much smoother for many. We live within a very structured world, where many of us start on Monday, so attempt to do what you can with what you have. Many joke that they  hate monday, and that may be because the energies of that day do not align with having to begin a long week of working. And oppositely, Friday is loved because it is Venus – we want to be social, seek beauty and love. With the end of the long workweek being Friday, it fulfills Venusian desires, so it tends to be a day that goes much smoother for many 🌸

[thetypedwriter]

The Secret History Book Review

The Secret History Book Review 

My biggest complaint of the last few books I’ve read is that there hasn’t been enough character development. There’s been plenty of plot, ample action, and steamy sex scenes, but nowhere near enough character progression and interactions.

Thankfully, The Secret History has character development in droves. One might argue that character interaction is the only thing The Secret History has and they wouldn’t be entirely wrong. 

The Secret History by Donna Tartt is a book I’ve been wanting to read for a very long time. It has a host of things I really adore: dark academia, a close-knit friend group, an appreciation for Greek and Roman literature, and complex characters whose morally gray choices make them intriguing, yet grotesque. 

The whole plot of The Secret History can be boiled down to this: California outcast, Richard Papen, decides that attending a rural Vermont college called Hampden is the solution to all his life’s problems and an escape from his abusive father and careless mother.

There, he becomes intrigued by a secluded group of students that study Greek under the illustrious tutelage of Professor Julian Morrow. 

Obsessed, he eventually gains entrance into this sequestered group and becomes embroiled in the drama, tension, and attraction that saturates the group members at all times.

A number of the group attempts to revive a bacchanal, returning to their violent and primal urges. During a successful bout of this Greek tradition, a local farmer is brutally murdered–by them. Citing that they were out of their minds, they bury the man and go about their lives with the public completely unaware. 

However, one member of this special group, Edmund “Bunny” Corcoran, catches on and becomes increasingly agitated and volatile. Not only because he was left out of the horrific activities, but also because a man was killed and no one was facing consequences.

Fearing that he’ll tattle on them and expose their crime, Henry, one member of the group, convinces the others to kill Bunny. 

They succeed, rather easily actually, and what follows is the disintegration of their lives as a result. It is a brutal and raw dismantling of their mental health, their relationships, their futures, and their happiness, all derived from this one act that seemed too easy at the time. 

Seeing as Bunny is killed only a third of the way into the book, I thought much more was in store for the characters plot-wise. But instead of focusing on crazy shenanigans and shallow action, Tartt devotes her time to the characters and the slow loss of their humanity and grasp on the present through a deluge of addiction, bad choices, and gnawing guilt. 

The process is so slow and grueling that you don’t even notice how terrible things are for the character’s until it’s too late. 

The second thing I’ll note outside of the plot is Tartt’s writing. I think she’s a great writer.

She has some really poignant lines that made my breath grow thin. They were so beautiful and apt for the particular moment in the story which made me really appreciate her writing style.

However, her writing was a lot more contemporary and easy to follow than I was expecting for someone who garnered so much attention for her novel The Goldfinch. 

The characters themselves were the stars of this novel. My biggest criticism of Fourth Wing, the last book I read, was that all of the characters were either perfect angels or the most vehement of villains. The Secret History is the opposite.

All of the characters make abhorrent choices, but despite this I don’t think they’re evil (even though you very much could categorize them this way).

The reason I don’t automatically see them as terrible people is because Tartt does such a good job of highlighting their humanity. She describes their frustrations, desires, interests, and the good moments of genuine trust, friendship, and affection between the group and not just the duress, ire, and violence. This dichotomy is difficult to achieve and yet Tartt does it so well. 

My only slight criticism of this book is Richard, the main character. Richard is very much a bystander to the events around him and seeing the novel through his eyes is both enriching and frustrating. Richard, far more than the others, seems closed off, reticent, and ignorant.

As the last member to join Julian’s select sect, he comes into the group not quite knowing all the nuances and histories that the others do.

This makes the reader simultaneously feel like they’re on the journey with Richard, but also out of the loop for many of the inside jokes, pointed comments, or tense altercations, especially as Richard himself doesn’t always ask for clarification, details, or explanations. 

Richard, while he does take part in the murder of Bunny, isn’t involved in the bacchanal and is only included in fragments in the drama to come afterwards. It’s an intriguing part on Tartt’s behalf that she chose to write from Richard’s POV, one I’m not sure I agree with. 

The other characters outside of Richard are both fleshed out and oddly shallow. I know characteristics of all of the members of the group, but would have difficulty describing any of them to an outsider who hasn’t read the story.

There’s Henry, Bunny, Charles, Camilla, and Francis. As a writer myself I know how difficult it is to flesh out multiple characters. I don’t think Tartt did the worst job, but I also think she could have done better at giving me an idea of who these people are at their core. 

There are a slew of side characters that expand the setting, breathe life into the school, and make for more robust conversations and interactions, but none of them are super significant.

However, I don’t get the impression that they’re meant to be. They’re side characters, stay side characters, and play their role as needed. The main characters of the group are what matter and that is shown bright and clear with every page. 

The Secret History is a good read. I’m not quite sure what expectations I had of this book and if they lived up to it, but I enjoyed it nonetheless.

It wasn’t a frenetic read that made me unable to put it down, but every time I picked up the book, I found myself engaged and completely sucked in. 

Recommendation: If you liked We Were Villains by M.L. Rio and Ninth House by Leigh Barugo, then you will like The Secret History. In fact, you might like The Secret History even more because it’s considered the original of all these dark academia stories to begin with. Try it. You won’t regret it. I know I certainly didn’t. 

Score: 8/10

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

what if there was a vampire therapist carlisle made edward go to after his attempted suicide?

BA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.

Ahem, sorry, anon, it's just. Ah, that's so very beautiful for a few reasons.

Standard Disclaimer

Obviously, therapy is a wonderful thing as is taking care of your mental health. There's far too much stigma around mental health and therapy in popular culture and absolutely seek out a therapist when needed.

Now, with that, we can get into why I don't think this would be a miracle cure all for Edward.

Why is This a Bad Idea

The thing about therapy is that for it to truly be effective there are a few things required.

First, you have to be able to trust your therapist. You're potentially telling this person deep personal shit, often all the way back to your childhood, and uncovering things about yourself you may despise. It is a hard and grueling process to evaluate yourself and change for the better, and while by law a therapist cannot reveal your secrets you still want to be able to trust that person to truly help you and be sympathetic to you.

Second is that you have to recognize that there is a problem and you have to want to change and approach it even if it's not simply difficult but agonizing. People who are forced into going to therapy by well-meaning relatives/society are often very resistant to the entire concept and will make a point of not addressing what they need to. Sometimes, people are ready to acknowledge a problem, but they're not ready to do what they need to to face it or acknowledge what the problem is.

Which brings us to Edward Cullen.

First, who is he going to trust?

Edward can't talk to a human therapist as he'd have to talk in circles around the issues at hand. He wouldn't be able to discuss anything related to vampirism and while he might come up with decent metaphors he'd ultimately feel the human has no idea what they're talking about or truly understand why Edward was driven to suicide. Not to mention, of course, that Edward's quite contemptuous of us humans. He envies us from a distance but he tends to think of humans as slow, vapid, mayflies who simply do not match his intellectual prowess. He would instinctively feel better than whatever therapist they sat him in front of because, you see, Edward has five B.A.s which is more than the doctor's three degrees.

Then we get to vampires. First, even if there is a vampire psychologist, we're likely not looking at one who is up to date with modern research and therapy practices. Psychology, perhaps even more than medicine (and that's saying something), is a field that has undergone revolutionary changes within decades and has... some sketchy history. If we're looking at a psychologist who was turned around the time of Freud or even Jung and has been eating people and not paying attention to much research since... Not sure I'd recommend them as a therapist. Most importantly: Edward would know they're out of date and unable to get back up to date as most vampires can't integrate or even get close to human society as their control is that bad/they'd have no idea how to navigate a modern university library.

And worse than being out of date, they're not on the diet. If Edward's contemptuous of us humans he's extremely contemptuous of vampires not on the diet (to be fair, for a much more decent reason here). Even friends of the family, Edward sees a marked difference from those who embrace their vampirism and those who do not. Edward would be appalled at the very notion of being offered any kind of moral or advice period from a vampire who goes out and murders a human every two weeks.

That means that the therapist is either in the family (Rosalie with her twelve degrees) or is in the Denali. The family is obviously a terrible idea for so many reasons the least of which is your family member cannot be your therapist as they are too closely involved. (Adding to it that the qualified one, to a point, would probably be Rosalie and Edward's talking to the woman he thinks is a vapid, vain, shrew and telling her how awful she is to her face. It'd go well.)

The Denali, while a little better in that Edward trusts them and sees them as family, are still too close in that Edward would be horrified if their opinion of him lessened and if that news leaked to his family. He can't talk to them either.

So basically, Edward's out of therapists.

Even if he wasn't though, while Edward acknowledges consistently that he has issues in canon, he doesn't seem ready to address them and certainly not with other people. His self hatred is something he buries deep, only deeper is what he views as his vampiric self that lusts for human blood and calculated the cold blooded murder of Bella Swan.

Edward is terrified of himself and the last thing he wants to do is open that box up let alone with either a strange he doesn't respect or a beloved family member who can never ever know.

(Not to mention there wouldn't be any vampire psychologists/therapists as vampires are hedonistic individuals who don't even form a murder society who are either warring with each other, avoiding one another, or murdering their meals who look much like them every two weeks.

Look, they barely have a vampire doctor, and that's because Carlisle's fucking weird.)

Look, it's just never going to happen.

Slight Caveat/We Sort of See This

There is the fact that canonically Edward does ask his family the very awkward and terrible questions of how to make love to a breakable human woman to which they appear to give increasingly beautiful and bizarre answers but that's not the same thing as talking about Edward himself.

There's also Edward's many confrontations with Alice when, thanks to her visions, she has insight into what Edward may or may not do and historically doesn't judge him for it and even confronts him.

Edward also chose to have sex with Bella anyway even when it seems implied that Carlisle strongly suggested it was a very bad idea.

However, more often than not, he chooses not to listen to her as he respects her visions except when they tell him things he doesn't want to hear such as "you will either turn Bella or eat her". Then her visions don't count.

This is about as close as we ever get to Edward getting therapy.

But Alright, Carlisle Sends Edward to Uncle Eleazar

If we have to choose a candidate, then it's going to be one of the Denali. Trouble is, trouble's going down with the Denali post New Moon/During Eclipse in a very awkward way. See, Laurent was tragically murdered by shapeshifters, and when the Cullens pleaded for help in attacking the newborn army they refused as the Cullens wouldn't let them commit genocide. The Cullens then only survived likely because of the help of teenagers, because the Denali blew them off, and the Denali on their end didn't get to avenge Laurent.

So, there's really bad feeling on both sides. Obviously, this smooths over in time for the wedding but uh that felt very reconciliatory and awkward.

So, sending Edward up for therapy during all of this would be really weird if not spark a complete family feud that they never recover from.

Not only that, but Tanya infamously comes onto Edward every chance she gets (we even see this in Midnight Sun and it is hilarious), so... Tanya's right out. Irina is also in deep mourning over Laurent so she's out. Kate is likely still very upset about the not murdering the shapeshifters thing which means...

Eleazar's probably the likely choice.

Eleazar in canon is presented as kind of Bizarro Carlisle. He had a similar history of spending some time with the Volturi, he's an intellectual as well, and is also at least presented as an extreme pacifist. Edward directly compares him to Carlisle and has a lot of respect for him canonically and welcomes his input.

I have no canon to back me up, but if any of the Denali would present themselves as qualified to be a therapist, it'd be Eleazar. He'd also likely point to his time spent evaluating gifts as a kind of coaching people through.. things... (Is he qualified, probably not, but that's not important).

So, we have our therapist who is qualified(?), doesn't eat humans, whom Edward respects, and who isn't considered a 'direct' family member that Edward may feel he's able to open up to (especially as Eleazar was in the Volturi, had started off the diet, so can understand things like blood lust.)

However, even taking out @therealvinelle and my constant unfounded slandering of Eleazar, I doubt this would work out as neither would delve into what's really Edward's problem.

Edward would blame his suicidal tendencies on being a vampire: he is a demon ergo there is no purpose to his life and if Bella dies so does he. I just imagine Eleazar shrugging and acknowledging that yes, life is sad sometimes, and losing a mate is sad and hey did you hear about Marcus?

I just don't get them really digging into the why of why Edward wanted to kill himself so badly. It's not something either would want to confront and on the surface, it looks like they have their answer: Edward views vampirism as so loathsome that he can't turn Bella and he can't exist without her. Ergo. Death.

The only thing that changes is Edward spends a weekend in Denali at some point during Eclipse.

[teine-mallaichte]

Say 6 @augustofwhump @ prompt - confusion

The reconditionign process leaves 84 extremely disorientated and confused.

CW: living weapon, conditioning, manipulation.

Asset 84 masterlist.

In the sterile white medical bay, Asset 84 stood rigid before a wall of mirrored glass. The mirrors, pristine and unblemished, distorted their reflection, turning the once-familiar face into an abstract mosaic of shapes and shadows. The clinical lights overhead flickered erratically, casting sharp, jittery patterns that danced across the room, their disorienting play making 84’s vision swim and waver.

The buzzing of fluorescent lights was a constant, dissonant hum that seemed to vibrate through 84’s very bones. Each step they took felt strangely hollow, the reverberation of their movements magnified and unnerving. Their mind was a tangled mess of disjointed thoughts and fragmented memories, each one slipping through their grasp like grains of sand. The world around them, once sharp and defined, now felt like a hazy dream where nothing seemed quite real.

As they stared into the mirror, the reflection that stared back was unfamiliar. It was as if they were looking at a stranger—someone with eyes that seemed to be searching for something, but unable to find it. Their previously precise and calculated thoughts now fragmented, leaving them with an unsettling sense of disorientation.

The reconditioning process had been grueling, its details now a blur. The precise commands of Colonel Carter, the sharpness of her green eyes, and the cold certainty of her orders were the only aspects of their recent past that remained clear. Everything else was a swirling fog of confusion and uncertainty.

A low, dissonant hum filled the space, seeping into 84’s consciousness and further disorienting their fragile sense of self. They tried to focus on the mantra they had once recited with unwavering conviction—“I am 84. I am a weapon. I will endure”—but the words now felt like a cruel mockery of their current state. They were unable to hold onto the mantra’s reassuring grip, which seemed to slip away into the same obscurity that shrouded their thoughts.

84 grasped at the edges of their sanity, their hands trembling as they sought to piece together a coherent sense of identity amidst the chaos. The mirrored wall reflected their futile attempts, the distorted image mirroring their internal turmoil. Every attempt to ground themselves only seemed to deepen the confusion, their sense of self melting away like wax in a flickering flame.

Colonel Carter’s voice, though cold and distant, pierced through the haze of confusion. “Asset 84, status report.”

“Colonel… I… I am having difficulty… understanding…” The words felt foreign, as if they were speaking from a place far removed from their core self. The response was slow and labored, as though their mind was struggling to construct a coherent reply from the scattered fragments of their thoughts. Some part of them was aware that this was not how they were meant to speak to their handler, but their thoughts felt murky.

"Some disorientation is to be expected," the colonials voice sounded calm, her eyes intense, "Remember, I am here to guide you."

“Your reconditioning is not complete,” Colonel Carter continued, her voice a cold anchor in the storm of 84’s disoriented mind. “You are experiencing cognitive dissonance due to the recalibration process. Focus on your core directives, resist the confusion, and trust my commands.”

84 nodded slowly, their movements still jerky and hesitant. They tried to focus on Carter’s words, clinging to the fragments of their training that remained. The mirrored reflection, distorted and fragmented, seemed to offer a glimmer of their past self - a self that was now a shadow of its former clarity.

"Come," the colonels voice suddenly sounded clear, "we have a debriefing to attend."

[influencermagazineuk]

Seventeen: The K-pop Band Poised to Make History at UK Festival

DaftTaengk, CC BY 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0, via Wikimedia Commons They are the biggest-selling act globally, and they're about to grace the Pyramid Stage. The headline act on Glastonbury’s Pyramid Stage this yea is a K-pop boy band boasting 13 members, who sold over 10 million albums last year. Despite K-pop's global success, the UK has been slow to embrace the genre. Bands like BTS, Blackpink, Stray Kids, and Aespa have gained traction, often through collaborations with Western artists like Selena Gomez, Lady Gaga, or Coldplay. However, Seventeen stands out as they don't do collaborations and uniquely write and produce their own material. Now, they are set to make history as the first K-pop act on Glastonbury's main stage. The significance of this milestone is not lost on them. “There's a great sense of responsibility,” says Choi Seungcheol, also known as the band leader S Coups. “We’ll keep coming back to that feeling and do our best to prepare, so that we can blow everybody away… Not just our fans, but every other member of the audience.” This year, Glastonbury is moving further from its rock roots, reflecting evolving audience tastes. The Pyramid Stage will also feature Afrobeat icons Burna Boy and Ayra Starr, while pop star Dua Lipa and R&B sensation SZA will headline. Seventeen's performance is scheduled for Friday afternoon, a stark contrast to their usual late-night sets in Asia, but S Coups remains unfazed. “The time of day doesn't really matter to us,” he says. “It's actually even better that we’ll be performing in the afternoon because the audience can see us better under sunlight.” Their music, known for its upbeat and positive vibes, includes hits like "Shining Diamond" and "Very Nice," reminding fans that pop can be fun. Seventeen's journey began in the basement of South Korean entertainment company Pledis, where members endured a long and grueling apprenticeship lasting four to five years. Rapper Jeon Won-woo, known to fans as Wonwoo, was one of the first recruits in 2013, surviving multiple rounds of auditions documented in the online series Seventeen TV. The band faced a significant turning point during an eight-month hiatus when three members were replaced. S Coups recalls, “Our deal was pushed back a little and Woozi, one of our members, thought we could debut earlier than planned if we made our own music.” Woozi, a classically-trained musician, co-wrote and produced most of their songs, inspiring other members to learn songwriting and lyric-making. “Being engaged in our creative process goes a long way towards making our music more authentic. We take great pride in it,” says S Coups. Despite the intense training and initial struggles, Seventeen's debut EP, "17 Carat," was released in May 2016. The group, consisting of S Coups, Jeonghan, Joshua, Jun, Hoshi, Wonwoo, Woozi, DK, Mingyu, The8, Seungkwan, Vernon, and Dino, is divided into vocal, hip-hop, and dance teams. Their name represents this tripartite setup: 13 people + 3 units + 1 band = 17. S Coups, the oldest member and leader, approaches his role with humility. “I try to listen to what every member has to say and have everybody aligned on the same path,” he says. “My goal is to make sure we can last as long as possible, so we can make as much music as possible.” Woozi oversees music production, and Hoshi leads choreography, while each member contributes uniquely to the band’s dynamic. Seventeen's hard work and dedication have paid off. Their sound has evolved from the pop of "Adore U" to the broody EDM of "Don't Wanna Cry" and the genre-hopping exuberance of "Left & Right." Their recent mini-album "FML" includes the introspective title track and the upbeat celebration "Super." "I'm getting so numb to this life that it feels like I'm shrinking away,” sang The8, reflecting on the band's mindset during its creation. "But when we honestly, openly talk about our feelings, it really helps to get rid of the negativity," says Wonwoo. Seventeen's success is evident with "FML" being the biggest-selling record of 2023, selling over 6.3 million copies. To introduce new fans to their music, they have released a 33-track compilation, "17 Is Right Here," featuring all their singles and a new track, "Maestro." Looking ahead, Seventeen aims to expand their audience further with a world tour planned for the end of the year. “We’d like to reach fans in as many countries as possible because we don't really get to see them that often in person,” says S Coups. “I still believe that we have a long way to go and we want to become even more successful.” Read the full article

[fabdante]

slyly reblogs this nearly a year later to explain part of my motivation behind this was also this sentiment i see growing a lot lately which is what defines art is apparently ones 'enjoyment' of the 'process'

which was you know odd to me as an artist who hates the process kind of a lot. especially sketching. i don't really have a great love of the process. my process is slow and grueling. but i want it done, so i do it.

i've seen this sentiment booming again lately, which i find um...frustrating? perhaps? because the argument is always 'ai art is not art because artists enjoy the process and thats what makes art art' which puts me at a loss. do i no longer count as art because i don't? what is the work i make, then, if it's not art? is the difference a computer cannot feel positively or negatively or is it that some people, genuinely, think all artists must enjoy the process and that is what defines their work? Is it having a process at all part of what defines art as art, regardless of how one feels about it, and these people are just projecting their enjoyment like i am projecting my frustration?

this is interesting to me particularly because of this very small poll, where even in this small handful of people the results are very mixed. some of us create because we enjoy the process of doing and some of us create because we want to see it done and some of us are somewhere in-between, art form to art form and project to project.

which goes to my next point.

what about yall is art to you defined by the enjoyment of the process or something else? is it crucial to your definition of what art is that the artist enjoys the process of making the work? or is it just the fact that they have one, love it or hate it.

i know i mention ai in this but i want you to think like more broadly when answering this question. like rather then trying to figure out the issue of defining out ai, think about your own definition personally about art in general yours or otherwise.

so i've been thinking about a conversation i had with my girlfriend a while ago, especially after a few conversations i had since, and i was wondering what other creatives thought.

often my creative process is not driven by love of the process but by a desire to see it done. i find this the most satisfying part for the most part. even with my favorite part of the process, line art, the biggest drive for me is seeing the line art done, if that makes sense. i love doing all the little details because i like to see all the little details finished so on and so forth. another example being like, i don't like any step of making comics but i love finishing comics more then anything. what drives me to finish comics is the simple act of having the comic done and out of my head. it's incredibly satisfying to me.

surely there's nuance here, as much as i like seeing stuff done i also love mindless, repetitive tasks. but what sparked this conversation was discussing the difference between loving the process and loving the result and some theorizing on why a certain animation director who keeps wanting to retire keeps not wanting to retire. which has got me thinking like what is more common, the love of the process or the love of having something done? also is it different for different art forms, different projects, so on and so forth. do other people not think about this much at all have i just been thinking about it too much this past like week and a half?

no 'i don't create' option because we all have created in our lives at least once, i ask of you to think of that time and what was the best part for you and if you truly hated all of it just pick the last option fghjklasdfghjk

also leave anything you want in the tags i love hearing about other peoples process and thoughts behind creating stuff so i'd love to see it!!

[kayincolwyn]

Peace On Earth, Good Will Toward Men? (Christmas Eve reflection, 2023)

It's Christmas Eve again, when I usually try to write some kind of reflection, though I admit that it's difficult to know what to say, what to write about, this time around.

I've had a lot on my mind lately, especially about the nature of reality itself and our consciousness as human beings, which I hope to write about more in depth in a post later on, yet while I believe those questions I've been wrestling with (and have wrestled with throughout my life) are really important, important to all of us as we search for meaning and purpose in our lives, still I am aware that not all of us have the mental and emotional bandwidth to dig so deep into such questions regularly when we are just trying to live and survive from day to day, or when so much is going on around us that is distracting us or overwhelming us so much that we don't always have the luxury of focusing or slowing down enough to really wonder about, for example, why any of us are even here to begin with.

When it feels as though coming into this world for all of us (and for some of us more than others) is like being thrown into the deep end of the pool and then essentially being told to 'sink or swim', is it any wonder that many of us would more often than not be more focused on trying to keep our heads above that water rather then wondering what the water is, or even what we are or why we're in the water?

So I think what I wanted to write about was just how hard it can be sometimes to believe that this world that we find ourselves in is, well, worth living in, or how hard it can be to believe that things that we talk about during this time of year, like hope and peace and joy and love, can be found or held onto in a world that often seems so full of despair and conflict and sorrow and fear.

I think about people in my own life who have experienced almost constant struggle and grief in recent times, people who seem to have one crisis after another and just can't seem to catch a break, and they don't really know why exactly, and I don't either, and all I know is that they don't deserve it, or don't believe they do.

I think of the many people in the world who are even struggling to find simple things like food and clothing and shelter and medicine, or who feel very much alone and forgotten and as though they really have no one to turn to for love and support.

I think of all the people in war torn countries around the globe, in conflicts such as those between Israel and Palestine or between Russia and Ukraine which we all hear reported about in the news regularly, as well as the conflicts in places like Africa that we don't hear about as much but are still ongoing.

I think of all the sick and the dying, or those struggling with mental illness or trauma, or those who have lost loved ones or jobs or homes or even themselves.

I think of all of us with our day to day struggles and worries which we all may carry and regardless of our circumstances or station in life, because to one degree or another simply being human is hard, simply being in this world is hard.

These last few years have been especially tumultuous for much of our world, what with political upheaval and a grueling global pandemic and climate change and a struggling global economy and widespread division and war, and the growing anxiety and fear and uncertainty and just malaise around all of it.

It's a lot to process, and while I wouldn't say that I'm indifferent to all of it I confess that I often feel numb and try to detach myself from all of it just to be able to try and live my life and function in the day to day, which I imagine many of us are doing to some degree or another, although others may cope by throwing themselves into addressing one or more of these crises, trying to do what they can to solve them, though of course none of us can do that alone.

I try to do my part, in little things like voting, or getting my vaccines to help keep from spreading viruses like Covid, or recycling regularly, or helping out family or friends financially when they need it and when I can, or occasionally donating to charities, or that sort of thing, but I know there are others who do far more than me, who expend more time and energy, who sacrifice more, to try and make the world a better place, and perhaps they are better humans than I am, more loving or more giving, and there may be no way around that… but I try, and I suppose that's all any of us can do.

And another question I find myself asking sometimes is, well, do we deserve this, or have we brought this on ourselves?

I had said above that I don't believe the people in my life who are really struggling deserve it, and I still don't really think that because I love them and don't think they are bad people who have it coming to them so to speak, but even they would admit that some or even much of what they're going through is at least in part due to their own choices.

And it's humans that have voted for or supported or allowed poor leadership and their poor decisions in our governments; it's humans that allowed or enabled the spread of Covid by not being more careful or by being less considerate of other humans around them; it's humans who have largely pushed climate change through their own thoughtless and at times callous mistreatment of the natural world; it's humans that have been selfish and greedy and have hoarded wealth so their fellow humans have suffered; it's humans who have decided to fight and kill one another rather than trying to work out their problems diplomatically or to work towards peace; it's humans that make choices that may, whether intentionally or unintentionally, lead to their own suffering, or to the suffering of others, or of the world they live in.

Now I know that our world is endlessly complicated, including (or even especially) the human world, and there are over 8 billion unique individual humans on our planet so it's not surprising that our accumulated choices, be they thoughtful or thoughtless, selfish or selfless, kind or cruel, and everywhere in between… and with each and every individual being a mix of different kinds of choices throughout their lives, as they intersect with other humans who are also making a mix of different kinds of choices throughout their lives… that all of this, this mess of humanity, would make for a such complex and entangled web.

And with that in mind I know the issue of blame is also complicated, and there are also systems at work which humans have created and have given power to (perhaps unwisely) that run seemingly of their own accord and are far from perfect, so I know it's not always down to someone's individual choice alone being the cause of their suffering, and I don't believe it would be be fair or right to place that level of blame on the average person.

But that said the question remains… do we deserve this, or have we brought this on ourselves?

As to the first question, I'm not really sure if I can answer that or judge that, but can only say that on a personal level I feel there are some who are more deserving of their suffering than others, and some not at all, but then again who am I to judge in the end?

As to the second question, at least to some degree, or even a large degree, as a collective, yes, unequivocally yes, we have brought so much of this on ourselves, and I don't think many could argue against that if they were really honest about it, that we humans really create most of our own problems for ourselves or one another or in this world around us.

And having this knowledge in mind can make it even harder, going back to what I said in the beginning, to believe that this world is worth living in, or that there are things worth finding and holding onto in it, when we ourselves appear to be the source and cause of so much of the despair and conflict and sorrow and fear in the world.

Do we even deserve to exist here, or should we even be here at all, when collectively we often seem to do such a bad job of it, and so often seem to make what could be a heaven into a hell?

I know these are difficult (not to mention depressing) questions to ask around Christmastime, which as some may say is supposed to be the happiest time of the year (although for many it may in fact be quite the opposite), and yet I feel it's important to be honest and real here if I'm even going to attempt to address any of this in any kind of meaningful way.

I have titled this post Peace On Earth, Good Will Toward Men? because I guess that's the question that I'm asking here, is if we can ever have peace on earth, or if we even really deserve such good will towards us, whether from God (if there is even any God at all, which I still hope is the case), from one another, or even from ourselves… can we, and do we?

Again, I honestly don't know for sure, and I can't really judge that, or at least not in any comprehensive or complete way, because I only have my own limited observation and experience to go on.

I suppose that may be disappointing to hear, but like I said I can only see things from my own limited perspective… but that doesn't mean that I can't at least try to give some kind of answer.

Maybe I can't say what I know for sure, but I can say what I feel, and what I have hope in and for, and maybe that is something, and really at the end of the day may be all we have to go on when we may know so little for sure.

I can say that I feel, and have found some hope in, seeing and experiencing positive things such as hope and peace and joy and love among humans, and humans fighting against and working towards alleviating negative things such as despair and conflict and sorrow and fear, and in knowing that while darkness may exist in the hearts of men, light does too.

I can say that the people in my life who struggle constantly also find things to continue to live for and that keep them going, and in spite of myself and all of my faults and flaws perhaps my presence in their lives is one of those things, just as their presence in my life is something that helps me to keep living and to keep going.

I can say that there are those who feed the hungry, clothe the naked, house the houseless, and treat the sick, and those who try to be there for those who feel alone, try to remember those who are forgotten, and try to be there for those who feel like they have no one.

I can say that there are those who are fighting for and working towards peace, those who would rather forgive than seek vengeance, those who would rather offer a hand than raise a sword, those who would rather shed tears for their fellow humans than shed their blood.

I can say that there are those who hold the hands of the dying, that there are healers who seek to treat wounds both outside and in, that there are those who seek to give back what others have lost in whatever ways they can, or seek to heal or give back to this world, whether the human world or natural world, in whatever way they can.

I can say that humans can be as thoughtful as they can be thoughtless, can be as selfless as they can be selfish, can be as kind as they can be cruel, and that as hard as being human may be they can still try to make the best of it and not only for themselves but for others and the world, that that choice is always before them and even in spite of their many faults and flaws they can still sometimes get it right, that we can still get it right.

Humans are also curious and creative, full of wonder and potential, and collectively, even against seemingly insurmountable odds, they may yet persevere and not give up.

It's for these reasons that I have hope, hope that maybe there can be peace, hope that maybe there can be joy, hope that there is love, in the world.

This is what I feel, from my own observation and experience, and again I may not really know for sure, but this is what I have to hold onto, the light that I believe exists in me and in all of us, and even in spite of the darkness that also exists in me and in all of us, as well as the hope that there is some greater reason for our being here, for our being in this water that we find ourselves sinking or swimming in, that there is some deeper meaning or purpose for all of this that we may understand in the end, and may even make it all worth it.

So can there can be peace on earth, and should there be good will towards men? I hope so… maybe… or at least I believe it's possible.

And what do I hope for?

I hope the world can be a better place, even if only little by little, one step at a time.

I hope that the people in my life can get a break from the constant struggle, or if not will find reasons to keep living and keep going.

I hope that the have nots will have more and that those who feel alone will find that they're not.

I hope that there will be an end to all of the hate and the war that threatens to tear our world apart, and that we perhaps could grow more skilled at helping one another than hurting one another.

I hope that all that is lost will be found again, in one way or another, today or tomorrow, but somehow, and someday.

I hope that the light within us will prove stronger than the darkness within us, like the warm lights of Christmas shining in the cold winter night.

And I hope that in spite of everything, everything going on in our lives and all around us, that we may yet find, and find reasons for, hope, peace, joy, and love in this holiday season, and in the new year to come, and beyond.

Merry Christmas to you all, and may there be peace on Earth, and good will toward men.