#this is a very good book im sad that its almost done

[vagueconfusion]

Is my blog the kind of place where posting about cannibalism and specifically what the breasts of men taste like is appreciated? No clue, but it's an interesting passage so I'm putting it here anyways

[mikarchive2]

do you have any ciel/sebastian fics you'd recommend? it's difficult to wade through ao3

of course! ive been in these trenches for a while so ive done my share of AO3 wading. hope you enjoy my findings! 💗🫡

the classic(s):

stain the water clear! a must-read. #1 sbcl fic forever its like scripture to me. portrays their dynamic exactly how ive always envisioned it, in a way thats both devastating and so dark but also strangely tender and loving and intimate. (+ i recommend reading other works by objectlesson as well, i feel like they Get It like no one else does.)

the other classic kuro scholars on twitter always talk about it the flowers of evil series - personally i have a complicated relationship with this one cause i just dont enjoy sebastians characterization in it but it is extremely well-written and has some really iconic moments (the fucking mind games here... unparalleled) so if i were you id definitely check it out! feels very canon-compliant too.

(both of these can be somewhat triggering at times so heed the tags and make sure to take care of yourself!)

pwp:

bloodletting was the first sbcl fic i found that i actually enjoyed and it has such a special place in my heart, its almost a classic to me too... its the only sub sebastian fic i know of which is so sad because thats literally canon. to me. lets all shut up about the daddy dom bullshit and get on this immediately. 💯

i love pretty much all fics by martialartist861s #good old yaoi. (im especially fond of the one where they fuck while sebastian is in his old man from book of murder form and they get off at the emphasized age difference, i think thats crazy and i dont think ive seen it before. respect both for unhinged originality and the eroticism. + the sex pollen one)

taunt & fold. omegaverse moment! i really like the way its written.

that tutor, indulging has virginity play which is honestly such a game-changing concept in the context of this ship...

to have and to cherish is the only non-explicit one on this list and its just about them making out but i think its cute!

(edit). forgot to mention la destruction! hot and well-written and worth checking out.

[starseungs]

➳ this is how to be in love with you. hjs

pairing — han jisung x gn!reader

synopsis — dating han jisung was something you had never expected to happen, but now you wouldn't have it any other way.

genre/s — fluff. and i actually mean it this time. (a pinch of angst at the start but its over quick) • 2.1k words

warning/s — cursing, mentions of drinking

note — tbh i wrote this with a fever and dont know wth im writing aside from the fact that im so in love with han jisung it physically hurts

2022 ⓒ starseungs on tumblr. do not steal, repost, or edit.

It was almost frightening how easy it was to fall in love with Han Jisung.

Who would've thought that the cute part-timer at the convenience store across from your apartment building would have such a huge impact on your relatively boring life? You certainly didn't, and yet his presence alone still hit you hard like a truck.

Everything started on one particularly hard day that ended with you fighting back salty tears in the midst of your dimly lit room. It was not the best sight, nor will it ever be, despite the shimmery streaks of moonlight seeping into the space in a pathetic attempt to provide lighting around you. The clear night sky would've been beautiful to gaze at if only it didn't remind you that your day would be ending soon without a single positive thing happening in the entirety of its hours. You were so so tired and wanted nothing more than to sleep until the sun rose for another day—a fresh new start for you to leave the past behind like you've done just this morning. But it seemed like fate had other plans that prompted you to storm out of your apartment in spite-filled rage.

Admittedly, you didn't have a plan at that time—only knowing you'd be damned if you continued to swallow your frustration alone. The weather outside was average at best; there was nothing too special going on. However, it was for that exact reason that the fluorescent "open" sign of the humble convenience store right across the street seemed to attract your eyes more than it ever did before. And who were you to say no to its obvious invitation? Beggars couldn't be choosers, after all, and you desperately needed something, anything, to distract you until the day officially came to an end.

So here you were, curiously slipping inside the store to find anything that might interest you. You faintly registered the chime of the door when you stepped inside and the polite greeting of whoever was behind the cashier at the back of your mind as your sight immediately zeroed on those eye-catchingly green bottles of fun.

It was just what you needed.

You hurriedly snatched a few bottles of soju with childish glee, already thinking about how perfect this was to end your less than ideal day. Maybe you could still sneak in some enjoyment in the remaining minutes until midnight—not that you thought drinking your problems away was exactly good, but it was certainly better than bottling up your sadness when you could open another type of bottle instead. It was an okay plan, or at least in your books, it was.

"That's quite a few bottles you've got there."

The sudden voice startled your train of thought, bringing your focus back to the real world. "Wait, shit, sorry if I scared you," the voice continued in a panic. "I didn't mean to, I swear. Damn, I'm not even supposed to comment on a customer's purchase."

You blinked dazedly at the person standing in front of you. When you raised your head to find a face to connect the voice with, you didn't know, but you quickly found yourself wishing you had done so earlier.

Because, wow. That face was very attractive.

"Oh, uh—it's fine," you shook your head lightly in an attempt to stop blatantly ogling at the guy. "You're good."

Unfortunately, that only seemed to send him into another spiral of misplaced guilt since he threw out a sudden offer of, "I'll give you a discount."

Your eyes practically bulged out of their sockets at the sentence that came out of his mouth. "What? No! You don't have to, really!" was your hasty reply, to which the guy only hummed as if it were no big deal.

"Would you let me do it if I say it's because I find you cute?"

"I'm sorry, come again?"

You watched as his eyes widened comically, almost like he didn't expect those words to be said out loud—and if you were to say, that might actually be the case. "Okay, yeah, that totally backfired," he exhaled shakily; you could almost hear him screaming internally. Honestly, you couldn't blame him. You would too. "This must be so creepy—I'll place these in a bag and get out of your hair in a moment."

After a few more seconds, the situation finally dawned on you. "Hold on," you wheezed like you just heard the funniest shit ever. "Are you seriously hitting on me right now?"

"No! I mean, yes? Kind of?" The guy ended up groaning in embarrassment at his own answer, running a hand through his hair while awkwardly avoiding your eyes. His actions were oddly charming, forming an unconscious grin on your face. "I meant it when I said I find you cute. You don't have to say anything, though. Just take it as a compliment or something."

"Why thank you, kind sir," was your amused response before composing yourself and giving him a genuine smile. "I needed that."

He snorts at that. "With five bottles of soju? Who would've guessed?"

"I suppose you're not wrong," you went along with his observation, eyes trailing along the bottles he had just finished placing in a plastic bag. "Also, what the hell was I thinking? I can't finish all of this tonight."

"You can give some of them to me if you want. I'll pay you back the amount."

You quirked an eyebrow at him as you handed over your payment. Thankfully, you had half the mind to bring money with you when you stormed out earlier. "Is that really fine with you?"

"My shift is almost over, anyway. A drink after would be nice," he shrugs nonchalantly. The information had you thinking. You'd hate to be drinking alone right now, so perhaps having him as a companion for a while wouldn't be too bad.

You bit your lip lightly before asking, "Do you want to drink a bit with me?"

"Oh," he reacts blankly at first, clearly not expecting the offer. His face revealed his thought process like a window, the gears turning in his head as he tried to piece together what you had just said. It wasn't long until he caught up, though, and with a shy grin he finally answered, "Sure."

You beamed brightly for the first time that day. "Sweet. I'm Y/N, by the way."

"Jisung. Han Jisung."

And the clock strikes twelve.

Just like Cinderella, everything started changing after that night. You had gained a new friend—or at least that was what you called him for now, even if you damn well knew friends certainly did not feel this kind of attraction towards each other. It was almost embarrassing to admit how much your heart leapt in happiness whenever you two were together, and you swore that if it continued any longer, you'd end up floating amongst the clouds. His gaze alone already sent a buzzing shiver all throughout your body, your mind going into overdrive at the sheer amount of emotion Jisung was able to pull out of you with somewhat concerning ease. He could melt you to a puddle on the ground with a single word, no questions asked. Maybe it was his frustratingly smooth voice, but the guy charmed his way into your heart in a matter of literal days. Either he knew what he was doing or you were just a hopeless simp—and no, you refused to ever admit the latter out loud.

So it was to no one's surprise when you agreed to his request to take you out on a date. And after the first one, more followed. Jisung's plans were, as one would say, straight out of fiction. Stuff that you knew existed in real life but never thought would have the same spark as its literary counterpart. Well, you really should have expected it, but Jisung certainly proved you wrong. The guy was an absolute romantic, and that translated well into everything he did between you two. Though you found out through your talks that he had a big love for the angsty stuff—to which you could only wish you wouldn't find yourself in that situation too soon. It was only when you felt a warm hand casually slipping into yours with a reassuring gentle squeeze that you realized.

God, you may have already fallen for Han Jisung.

There was no doubting it. When the night sky you had just cursed out weeks ago for reminding you of the dragging day you had was replaced with waves of affection and happiness, you knew there was no way you could doubt it even if you wanted to. That whenever you closed your eyes to rest, the darkness only brought images of you and Jisung screaming each other's name into the distance in an attempt to replicate a cliched scene of professing one's love during one of your many nightly picnic dates. Joyful laughter echoed under the stars as hands held each other's, a silent promise that didn't need to be said out loud for you to know what it meant. The moon was a witness to the blooming portrait of memories being painted at the very moment when you two had made it official.

You also particularly loved the moments that you shared indoors, where it was just you and Jisung. The comfort of being alone together was one of the things that came more naturally, especially with him leaning on the introverted side. This was where you found him thriving best, and it warmed your chest to see him so in his element. Whether it was his place or yours, there was never a dull moment, even if you two weren't doing anything. Then there were also the times where you did do something—quickly developing a soft spot for your domestic activities with Jisung. The sound of the oven working its magic was faintly heard in the background while he danced you slowly in the flour-covered kitchen from your earlier baking shenanigans.

Loving Jisung felt like second nature to you, as if you'd been doing it for years. Perhaps you did. The concept of soulmates wasn't new to you; only that you hadn't given it any more attention than mere acknowledgement. Yet, something about Jisung made you feel like changing your stance on the matter. Slowly but surely, he had taken over you.

And you didn't fight it one bit.

His lips were an inviting shade of pink as he went on about his newest interest. You really didn't mean to stare, but he made it a challenge for you to not have your full attention on him alone. To the point that you hung onto every word he said, whatever topic he brought up, you made a mental note of it to bring up at other times when it might be appropriate. Oh, how you wanted to stop time and just continue to admire the man Han Jisung is.

Sometimes you couldn't even believe he was yours. You knew your eyes dripped with love every time you had your gaze fixed on him, but it always caught you off guard when you noticed the same look in his eyes—and it was directed towards you. They always shone with tender gratitude and warmth mixed with fondness, making your breath hitch at the sheer intensity. If this was all a dream, you hope you'd never wake up.

"Hey now," you heard Jisung's voice call out to you softly. Warm hands cupped your face gently to ground you back to reality. "What's with that look, baby?"

You sighed dreamily, leaning in more towards his touch. "How are you real?"

"This again?" Jisung chuckles at your misty gaze pinned at him as if he could disappear in the blink of an eye. "I am. And I'm right in front of you."

"You're so good to me," you mumbled in a quiet whisper, starting to feel drowsy from the comfort he provided you at the moment. You could hear Jisung's heart flip at your honest words.

"Which is what you deserve," he leans in closer to press a light but passionate kiss on your lips before pulling away to stare at you with eyes containing hundreds of unsaid dedication. "I love you."

"I love you more."

Dating Han Jisung was something you had never expected to happen, but now you wouldn't have it any other way.

mastertag 🔖— send in an ask if you want to be added ! 🫶

@tyuniiz @lhskokoro @bookishcalls @comet-falls @starlostseungmin @ameliesaysshoo @jeonginwrld

[muekyn]

okay. im going to talk about the fnaf movie.

SPOILERS UNDER READ MORE!!!

overall, i thought it was very good. somehow making a whole series of a video game condensed into 1.5 hrs is not something easy to do. i think with what they were working with, they executed it pretty well. costume design was superb, and the acting from josh hutcherson was amazing.

that being said, i did find some scenes didn't belong. for example the fort scene, though i'm sure many people have pointed that out already.

i felt like they were trying to tow the line between silly/cute and scary/suspenseful, but in my opinion i don't think they needed to do that? i think if they leaned in fully to the horror aspect it would have still been a very enjoyable experience.

the scenes with vanessa disappointed me, just a bit. it felt like she was only there to progress the story/exposition. and the fucking fort scene with her... in that scene, vanessa is like "oh freddy fazbears' is so fun yayayayay" and then literally in the next scene she's telling mike "if you ever come back here IM GOING TO SHOOT YOU" ???????????? like why? what did mike even do?

the old bf made an observation that william afton was just straight up not fleshed out, at least not as much as either one of us had hoped.

i personally think if they had just included like... a 5 minute scene of william afton on his killing spree (without outright showing william afton), it would have done alot for his character. i felt like he was just kind of thrown in there towards the end, which makes me sad bc william afton is such a unique character with sooo much backstory integral to the lore of fnaf, and it just felt like he was alluded to the whole movie? idk.

there were some questionable moments. it was funny how freddy literally just murders the aunt and no one even questions it? mike would have come home to a literal corpse in his house, how does he explain that to the police?

and it made me sad how little they showed of foxy. :( foxy is my all time favorite (i literally brought a giant stuffed foxy plush with me to the movie) and it felt like he was the most forgotten animatronic. bonnie seemed to be the main center of attention tbh, he was in almost every scene where the animatronics were. but it makes sense since scott cawthon thinks bonnie is the creepiest animatronic lol.

those are my main criticisms.

but i still loved it, very much so!

when the matpat cameo came on screen... it was a shocker. i gasped so loud. the people in the movie theater literally laughed at me lol bc i gasped SO LOUD, I COULDNT HELP IT i was so shocked. AND WHEN HE SAID ITS ONLY A THEORY???? i ate it up. idc if it's cheesy, I ATE IT UP.

also i thought it was cool that the movie is (i think but could be wrong) five nights long! a little easter egg that i thought was neat. the old bf pointed this out to me.

another nice touch is in the beginning of the movie when mike is reading that dream theory book. a good callback to matpat's dream theory on fnaf (you know the one). and it's also a good way to tie in what's currently happening to mike with his dreams in the movie.

i really appreciated the subtle little ways they tied in the movie with the games, like the little "it's me" in the mirror during the scene with mike in the security room. and foxy's humming!!!! i loved it i loved it i loved it! the little noises they used from the game made me so happy!

but yeah. i'll stop ranting bc i can go on forever lol. while it had it's flaws, i don't think they affected the overarching storyline.

this is it my gamers. eight years in the making, and this is the end result.

my score? 4 cupcakes out of 5. :>

[baylardo]

here are my ranked voyager 2 parters for fun please dont bully me thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i should have done these backwards idc.

1 killing game - amazing cold open start to the episode, i love janeway and karr they make me insane theyre great together as competitors and as leaders who want to save their people and they respect each other as enemies, quotable af, OUT OF UNIFORM COSTUMES ARE SUCH A PLUS, VERY unique take on a holodeck episode, love the hirogen designs, definitely has some points where im not paying attention but it feels somehow less than the other 2 parters, another mention of i love karr he is fave voyager antagonist hes literally everything 2 me, the first episode is very strong and memorable to me, the second ep fizzles out significantly but it still has a lot of memorable moments i think the battle at the end is the worst part lmao also that one SPEECH is a real snoozer for me, love the resolution, good stuff. ill get killed for this one but the lack of harry involvement in this ep is a major plus for me lmao. im glad with what he got purposed with, not in a cruel way but it makes sense given what hes good at.

2 workforce - MORE COSTUMES everyone looks beautiful, janeways late series chub is a major plus 👌, shes literally so quirky in this one and it hits on one of my favorite aspects of her character which is her hidden yearning to settle down and be happy and not a captain which she so easily lets herself fall into unknowingly lifted of those burdens, this is another two parter where the harry content wasnt terrible and i enjoy MOST of his contributions his bickering with the doctor about commanding the ship is a big negative but i like when hes whiney about his tummy ache lmao, seven’s bangs!!!! 😍😍😍😍😍 we stan, i love jaffen hes perfect for kathryn SORRYYYYYYY i think its charming how much hes like mark SAD, i love the tom and belanna content which is few and far between for me in the later seasons it just hits in a way that doesnt make either side seem self centered or angry for no good reason (rare) like its just them (tom especially) caring about the other which is what really drew me to enjoying them in the earlier seasons, i always love gaslighty lost sense of reality episodes theyre a big fave to me always can you tell, i enjoy the uniqueness of the doctor’s role in this ep it almost parallels what the rest of the crew is going through in how different it is to his normal regime

3 basics - another opening i like, its always fun to tie in other eps (Meld) and a great choice for a returning crew member given the circumstances of this ep i think its cute hes gotten into flowers, this ep has so much hecking dadcore in it OF COURSE ITS RANKED REALLY HIGH, i love the guidance chakotay receives from his father about fatherhood (selfishly it just REALLY conveniently ties into my au really well), ponytail janeway era MAJOR PLUS, i hate nail peeling HUGE CON, love that seska just breastfeeds on the bridge in front of everyone slay queen, i enjoy a lot of the marooned on planet scenes its nice in the context of how resolutions was just an ep prior, we love to see chakotay carrying baby naomi lalala, tuvok with a bow. i would bully him.

4 caretaker - everyone is so beautiful and babycoded, MARK!!!!!!!!!!!, love the nacene so much, this ep took me so many watches and reads of the book adaptation to comprehend ngl its not very visually cohesive, nostalgic fondness? always fun to watch endgame and go back it feels good to go back here, everyone in season 1 is great take me back papa, i was convinced harry/belanna was endgame from these two eps (honestly still wish it was sometimes lmao), i DONT like the quark cameo GET HIM OUT OF HERE, janeway moaning when shes tortured 😳, i hate the part where chakotays blowing up the val jean its always cringe acting/script choices to me, i love the firm uneasiness of janeway in the earlier seasons bc its her first command and she hasnt loosened up yet i just love when her performance of janeway is more rigid and u can tell when she gets uncomfortable idk i love early season janeway for that :)

5 endgame - bittersweet and irrevocably changed which is always my favorite for voyager ❤️, janeway trying to beat her delta quadrant speedrun score, i enjoy C7 sue me, i dont like a lot of the aging makeup that makes me particular and nitpicky lol, janeway throwing a tantrum until she gets what she wants BELOVED, i love seeing chakotay reject janeways dinner invite lmao thats what u get for being stubborn idiot!!!!!!!!! C7 earned, i think its funny and a bit contrived that they needed more reasons for janeway to cheat getting home so they set up a degrading illness for tuvok in the last episode of the show, neelix helping ship C7 so he can have janeway all to himself headcanon, i like the miral casting and i like that she idolizes janeway and they threw naomi to the wind lmao bye, subtracted huge points for ending the show on a borg plot when it should have been suspiria 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄, harry has some bad scenes in this one, i really wish wed gotten that alleged scene of the admiral talking with chakotay about janeway not suspecting his relationship with seven yet SIIIIGGGGHHHHHHH, i love that it ends on a weirdly unfulfilled note because ermmmmmmm i think many of them changed as people in the DQ janeway can finally rest but shes left lacking purpose and i think thats epic

6 year of hell - obviously janeway is a major plus and carries the entire story imo but i DONT like these eps, its got some great moments like i love seven helping tuvok shes such a spanky new character and i honestly kinda wish she got handled more like the glimpses of her growth scene in this episode rather than what actually happens rip, i obviously enjoy the POCKET WATCH, this is another two parter that lost me on cohesiveness a lot lmao and ive watched it many times, you could argue that im too dumb for year of hell (probably) but you could also say that star trek prodigy similarly struggles with its grasp on its portrayal of time travel and altering of timelines as well 🫣, i think about that scene where the doctor closes door on those crew members a lot where his face is like 😐, chakotay mustache 👌 gone too soon, its like a plus to me that its not a borg 2parter but i still think its pretty weak in what little it says about our characters and i dont think episodes where theyre erased from time/memory are a waste of time but their erasure from the timeline in these eps feel rather fruitless and dont feel like we really missed anything by fixing the timeline and thats disappointing to me usually these types of stories have like a DANGIT!!!!! feeling to them similarly to course: oblivion that just felt not there like what did we really learn seeing these characters do all of this stuff lol not much

7 futures end - the writing of this one always feels so expired and dated to me it makes me wince, love the costumes and some scenes here and there but not a fan of the plot, opening scene of janeway playing tennis is epic, i dont have a lot of positive notes for this one im sorry little ones, the dialogue is stinky no good the earth humans all feel like cariactures in their exaggerations because they have to stand out as being “dated humans” against our protags but it makes them feel so inorganic to me lmao BE NORMAL, its a plus that it isnt a borg plot to me but these eps were too early in the series for that lol, birth of ponytail janeway (if u dont count basics or threshold) positive, another cheap way of getting the emh a huge upgrade lmao but i respect it because if theyd “organically” made his holo emitter itd be one of those OP technological advancements that would break the universe with how much it could do, i would take these eps over the bell riot eps 🙄

8 equinox - honestly dont even like these eps very much but they feel more in character than scorpion does lmao, the more alien shaped fellas in this one serve a purpose in their shape and how it likely served to dehumanize them to the equinox crew in order to excuse their usage (positive), when janeway gets a chance to cancel someone for violating starfleet protocol she POUNCES (except when its her), janeway and chakotay back to morchaeling their enemies by fake fighting with each other all is right in the universe, i like the idea behind these eps a lot but the execution kinda fizzled out and lost itself (i think about the emh switcharoo in particular felt out of focus lol), i think janeway wanting to kill a captain who cracked under the same pressure shes been living under for ease is so epic SLAY QUEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9 scorpion - i really consider this two parter to be the downfall of the series, not entirely because of seven of nine but in how heavily it pivots the series into avenues more directly associated with the other series and the alpha quadrant itself, ive always really disliked how janeway is written in these episodes and how awkwardly it contradicts her choices made in Equinox AND YET her and chakotay manage to “fight” in both instances lmao, conceptually i like the idea behind a species capable of defeating the borg but i hate the visual route they went with them like star treks staple is humanoid and i dont like them lmao, at the end of day what janeway chooses to do is funny and i dont fault her for it but it all feels a little contrived for the sake of drama and getting a borg girl new cast member lol, like if you look at year of hell it seems like chakotay should have been the one advocating for the borg alliance,,, heck look at the ep ALLIANCES like thats chakotay being a kazon apologist as well ://// i love the scenes of them in these eps i love the drama but it all feels unearned to me

10 dark frontier - i feel like i always fall asleep watching this one lmao i have nothing constructive to say you lost me at borg

11 unimatrix zero - im not even a borg!janeway enjoyer dude this ep was never gonna hit for me lmao

12 flesh and blood - incredibly disappointing and thats why its at the bottom lol, such a cool idea for a plot but it turns into hologram rights zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, love the hirogen why they gotta make them so dummy pilled, i wish this was a holodeck warfare ep that involved trying to forge alliance or civil rights between hirogen and holograms and not a dumpy hologram populated ship set with only two protags :((((((( how does belanna always end up in these plots bro WHY ARE WE HERE AGAIN, i fall asleep to these eps a lot too lmao

[majjiktricks]

Kaz for the ask game? Every question. All of them.

oh dear this is probably gonna be long. some of these were hard…

1. Why do you like or dislike this character? i think mgsv was the second game i played (after mgrr) and i just. bro i fell in love with this guy almost immediately. hes depressed. hes full of rage. hes got sunglasses. hes even bisexual. more seriously, i think hes just really interesting. hes somehow one of the most reality-grounded characters (in a series with characters like ocelot and fucking. the pain/the rest of the cobras) while also being the guy who invented war-as-a-business and doritos. i find his story very compelling. child of war, doesnt feel he belongs in any of the places he could claim as home, so he fights to make a place for himself... oughghg... hes also veryyyy gender goals for me :3c

2. Favorite canon thing about this character? hes a NERD. he likes trains and hes a bit of a history buff, hes full of random facts (i know its mostly for game exposition reasons to tell the player, but i also like kaz just randomly knowing shit because its fun). in mg2 hes got all those fucking WEIRD tidbits to tell snake. like the spit thing. half the time i think hes making shit up to fuck with snake. but he does know things. i need fics and stuff to make him weirder.

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character? i dont think i really dislike any of the traits he displays in the games. yeah hes got flaws and hes an asshole and he commits warcrimes, but i think all of that is what makes him interesting. so rather than dislike something ABOUT him, i dislike what was done to him. its probably been beaten to death but im SO sad they killed him off in mgs1 and THEN decided to develop his character. like. cmon. they couldve done so much cool shit with him had he not been shelved so early in the series. or even- they bring back big boss TWICE. why cant anyone else come back 🥺 i love thinking about kaz being involved in the time around/between mgs1-4…

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in? ngl i dont think about crossovers much. i dont like them.

5. What’s the first song that comes to mind when you think about them? koi no yokushiryoku. its a fucking ridiculous song but it also makes me very sad. also diamonds by sam smith. thats a bbkaz divorce song to me.

6. What’s something you have in common with this character? i recently found out that my light sensitivity is not the normal experience for everyone ✌️ so ive been wearing sunglasses a lot lol

7. What’s something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like? i think its so funny that he gets shipped with basically everyone. its so good. i love it ^_^

8. What’s something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise? thankfully i dont see it much but i really cant stand the type of people who simplify characters down into basic stereotypes just for shipping purposes. ive seen a few things of essentially a bishie kaz in art (not in fic, bc i run for the hills at the slightest whiff). like. babes. you dont need to have one really buff guy and one feminine cutesy one for you ship to be good. please… hes not helpless nor is he very thin or boyish or any of that. hes almost 6' tall and fucking jacked in pw? i also hate it when people completely write off characters for being morally grey or for doing bad things. again, thankfully this doesnt happen much in my circles because i think ive curated a sane group of mutuals who like metal gear, but for anyone else who thinks this way? babe you came to the warcrimes series and didnt expect there to be warcrimes? where you play as the VILLAIN for 3+ games? i think the bad stuff makes him more fun :3c

9. Could you be roommates with this character? depends? does he let me hit it? 😏

10. Could you be best friends with this character? i would like to think so… if i met college-era kaz i think i would want to be friends with him… if he went on to be a business major and not a guy chasing death and combat around the world, yeah probably.

11. Would you date this character? i personally dont understand dating lol. probably? but if we could also just be friends/fwb thats fine with me 😂

12. What’s a headcanon you have for this character? i like to think about the mundane things a lot… if i do something and it reminds me of The Character. for example i like the idea of kaz listening to city pop while hes cooking. its a very chill kind of music and its a genre hes likely familiar with if he kept up with anything in japan during the 70s-80s. i also think he would often smell like methol and camphor. tiger balm is very useful when it comes to pain, and he probably uses it a lot post-gz because hes the stubborn-ass type to deny medical treatment and assistance, insisting on doing everything for himself. (the same guy who got back to work after like. only a week spent recovering at mother base. and refuses advanced prosthetics that could help him…)

13. What’s an emoji, an emoticon and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or you think the character would use a lot? 😎 for obvious reasons. its just silly <3

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character. we only ever see him in uniforms/bathing suits, but i think he would be a high fashion man. slick suits in unconventional colors, barely there but somehow tasteful club attire, very carefully accented, subtle pieces of expensive jewelry. this guy likes money, he knows how to spend it too.

15. What’s your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn’t matter if it’s canon or not.) vkaz <3

16. What’s your least favorite ship for this character? i think ive only seen it once? but. kaz/zero. why. tbf i think its mostly that i just dont like zero. at all. crusty.

17. What’s a ship for this character you don’t hate but it’s not your favorite that you’re fine with? i like pretty much all other kaz ships ive seen aside from ^^ i think i was originally neutral on ocelhira but at this point i have been swayed into liking that too :]

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire? i find his relationship with solid snake really interesting. i wish we got to see more of it… he probably has very complex feelings about snake given their relationships to big boss and i just wanna dig my little claws in and inspect it bit by bit…

19. How about a relationship they have in canon that you don’t like? once again the only one i can think of is kaz and zero. and its less that i dont like it than i dont understand it. i probably should go back and replay peacewalker/watch the secret phonecall thing again. theres probably just a little piece im missing to make it fit into my brain.

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn’t matter? we dont actually see kaz and amanda interact that much but man i would love more of that. they dont seem to be interested in each other at all, in the romantic/sexual sense, which i would want to see explored more. kaz is used to being seen in that lens by women and i want amanda to beat him up a little bit for it. i think shes one of few moral and sensible people in the series and i think kaz could've learned a lot from her. amanda also shouldve gotten more screentime in general. i wish she and chico were in gz or tpp somehow </3

21. If you’re a fic writer and have written for this character, what’s your favorite thing to do when you’re writing for this character? What’s something you don’t like? i want to see him taken care of <3 i will have him taken care of :]

22. If you’re a fic reader, what’s something you like in fics when it comes to this character? Something you don’t like? i havent read too many kaz-centric fics tbh but i LOVE it when people write about the 70s for him. or any of the missing time between games tbh. i love to see what people think he was up to at the time. i havent found any consistent throughlines that i dont like yet. usually if i dont like a fic i dont finish it lol.

23. Favorite picture of this character? the model swap with quiet. you know the one. pouty kissable lips mfer.

but also so many others. theres so many good pics of him <3 this was just the first to come to mind ehehe

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them? actually, he reminds me a lot of one of my ocs LOL ive had an oc named maddox for something like 6 years now, who once i thought about it is very similar to kaz. hes got (one) fucked up eye, worked for a sketchy paramilitary agency, has a robot arm, is kind of a harlot, mellows out and settles down with his children later in life… theyre both involved with the leaders of said paramilitary agencies. they both train kids who were involved also with that same organization. maddox doesnt go and try to start his own military country LMAO but i do think the other similarities are really funny. like. no wonder i liked kaz immediately. i have a guy just like him living in my brain.

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now? i had no context for who kaz was when i first met him in gz but i thought he was a funny little guy. and then when you rescue him in tpp i just wanted to take care of him…….. ngl i think that sentiment has remained, just now i am full of other feelings as well. i think if i ever get out of metal gear brain rot, kaz will be the character that sticks in my brain lonnnggg after.

[nouveauxamoris]

i think u should post more design hcs... if i may suggest the big three in the bitch brigade :3

IM SO ON IT! just like the last design hc post, i’ll add little rundowns of some of the design traits!

DAZAI

my dazai design has gone thru a LOT of phases, as well as just a bit of exploration… a few common and solidified traits about him however:

- dazai’s very tan, and his hair is VERY curly, bordering coily. in my hc he’s ethnically mixed :3 (japanese and bangladeshi!)

- soft but sharp face, big nose, and soft big eyes. thick eyebrows too! i based his colour scheme off the manga one, so, dark brown almost black hair instead of a lighter brown, and dark brown eyes instead of a chestnut brown.

- SNAKEBITE PIERCINGS! in me nd the lovely @fiftyofhearts ‘ hcs (hes the asker here hai ethan :3), he got them done w ranpo and yosano.

- he’s fat. okay. i said so. the silhouette of his big ass clothes (the trenchcoat specifically) makes him look a little smaller, but thats still very much true.

- he’s scruffy. goes through periods of shaving vs not shaving but generally has a little bit of wispy facial hair more often than not. also, he’s transmasc!!! he binds w bandages also its not good. don’t do what he does. i don’t encourage unsafe binding

- 14 to 16-zai was very hyperfem. i don’t think he had that realization that he was trans until a liiiil bit later. maybe around 17? very subtly transitioned. i dont think he outwardly came out to many people other than probably chuuya, oda, and ango. everyone else just caught on eventually. he definitely went solely by his last name to disassociate from his deadname and eventually chose the name “osamu” as his first later on

- prisonzai is FULL of facial hair! his hair has gotten a lil longer too. that’s due to the fact that i’d imagine honestly his hair grows Very fast. and they’re not gonna give him a razor to shave this is literally prison

- he’s a lesbian btw

SIGMA

somehow, the sigma design has stayed relatively linear.

- LATINA SIGMA REALNESS!!!!!!!!!! a little ethnically ambiguous canonically because she was made from a book. duh. but tbh i think shes argentinian

- tan skin, very cool undertone. soft and droopy eyes, SUPER thick eyebrows, and white eyelashes. very round face and big and wide arched nose. she has a bit of a pathetic and sopping wet look to her, but she still looks very kind and gentle. most of the time while she’s masking (usually while working), that kinda works in her favour. adds to the warm and inviting feeling she’s got goin on. however, her resting face is very sad and miserable.

- she’s tall and lanky, kinda skinny. very lean and relatively average build. her colour scheme and outfit design is adjacent to the way she’s drawn in the manga. i love her so much but i dont like the anime depiction of her outfit… sorry bbg. she’s perfect in every way however

- i think generally, she’s very androgynous. enjoys dressing very androgynously too. you know how in stormbringer lippmann is described as like, so androgynous to the point where if he dressed femininely men would go crazy ‘nd if he dressed masculinely women would go crazy?? yeah. she’s got something similar goin on. switches between dressing femininely and masculinely and very in-between often. always doing something cute.

- in my eyes she is so transfem. no sort of medical transition, tho… just socially. came out that page serving cunt and she’ll continue to the day she dies

- she wears press on nails me-thinks. usually black almonds or stilettos, sometimes she switches it up to purple however.

- hair cut is kinda weird but like ???? its like if u mixed a hime cut w a wolf cut basically. or smthn like that. lots of layers. yes that’s her natural hair colour btw, she’s just cute like that.

- she’s also a lesbian btw

JŌNO

i’m only rlly getting into drawing jōno recently.. so lots of things keep changing. however, i HAVE decided on something.

- jōno is very much so blasian. lightskinted…. hair is pretty wavy but rests pretty straight just cuz of the haircut. the red is dyed btw. she didn’t care much abt the colour, someone asked to fuck w her hair, and she begrudgingly told them to go crazy. everyone seems to like it however, so she’s down w it.

- SMILE LINES. SMILE LINES AND EYE WRINKLES. product of keeping her eyes closed literally all the time. and her stupid smug resting face. she’s also filled with freckles and beauty marks. majority of them are on her face, but she’s definitely got some around her body as well.

- jōno is Tall. around 5’11” ethan has decided. she’s got a very graceful build but she’s NOT small, nor thin. lots of muscle and fat collecting around her thighs and legs, her strongest asset when it comes to physical strength methinks. have you SEEN how violently she’s able to kick people??? cmon now.

- very elegant woman in every aspect Except personality. i love her she’s actually SUCH a bitch

- again. TRANSFEM! if i like a male character.. heh… well… let’s just say they’re no longer male. (unless you’re dazai. he’s boybossing it up every day)

- she’s ALSO a lesbian btw

- i don’t have a lot to say for her i just love her so much omg

[gammagoop]

my recent fixation has been the wings of fire book series since ive been rereading it, which i feel is not very related to any of my other interests and so i havent posted much about it. but i literally have “post whatever i want” in my bio so i’m not going to let the whims of an audience stop me any longer

all that to say heres some of my series opinions in the form of tierlists

(not including 3rd arc bc i havent gotten there on my reread and i dont remember it very well)

character tierlist! (added the legends: darkstalker characters manually since they weren’t in the tiermaker version)

notes:

mightyclaws is my background character fave. category 10 glup shitto event

i need to do a long post on how much i love whiteout. another day

i realy like clay in the first book and if he retained the same level of depth throughout the series he would be in the top tier-- its just that his writing makes him so shallow in the rest of the books it makes me so sad :[ i was listening (audiobook) to hidden kingdom and like. 90% of his lines/actions were about food and the other 10% were about protecting the other dragonets..... i related so much to his anxiety in the first book and his empathy and his ability to see both sides of things... gah. sad.

jambu is also one of my glup shittos. i love his whimsical ass

foeslayer is a hard one for me because she never did anything wrong she's just..... not as present as i wish she was. she's treated as a very vital character with how many large plot points hinge on her, but she doesnt have much agency herself. its stated a lot that she's extremely important to darkstalker but in the legends book we dont see much of them interacting? idk. i like her but she always feels so uninvolved

the 'beat you to death (funny)' tier is just for characters who i like on some level but are also pathetic and worms. out of that tier i like deathbringer the best and mastermind the worst

tier after that are for characters who i have a positive opinion on but not really a strong one. anemone and sora are more complicated, but i do generally like them. i really just feel bad for them if anything. i think i like clearsight more than the other characters in this tier, but she's not in the 'wonderful :D' tier because i dont think she has a very strong personality

the 'conflicting feelings' tier is kind of a trainwreck because it means a lot of things

obviously riptide is the outlier since he hasnt done anything nearly to the degrees of coral, glacier, and albatross-- but i do have conflicting feelings on him. riptide is completely inoffensive, hasn't done anything wrong, i just dont like him because he has no real reason to be in the story. like you could write him out very easily. his only purpose is to be a love interest for tsunami which is like...... gh. dude. she doesnt need one. if she's gonna have a romance it should come naturally. not "wow this seawing is handsome and also he's the first one ive properly met as well as a guy do im in love with him now" like girl do better

coral and glacier both have done bad things and obviously have bad intentions but also.... theyre not the worst. bad but not the worst.

albatross is a victim of emotional abuse and even though that doesnt justify his actions it does explain how they could have been negated

next 3 tiers are self-explanatory. i forgot to put her on there but queen vigilance goes in 'the grime beneath my shoe'

actually no i wanna talk about scarlet and battlewinner: i think the thing that i like about them is their theatrics. they bot have such a huge presence, like a disney villain. whenever i read scarlet dialogue it almost feels poorly written with how over-the-top she is but. no other character talks like that. its just how scarlet is. and i think thats so good. whereas battlewinner's situation conceptually is just cool as hell. i love how she struggles to speak because of the ice in her throat, her rage, the way she's hinted at but her reveal is completely unexpected...... very very good

no one likes morrowseer

when im in an emotional abuse and classism competition and my opponent is queen lagoon 😧

ship tierlist! (made on ms paint since i couldnt find any good ones on tiermaker. turned out to be nice since i can mess with the placement more)

notes:

top tier is /j i just dont really like how tui writes romance

i was kind of against glorybringer at first for the same reason i dont like tsunami/riptide but honestly it grew on me. their dynamic is so fun

anemome/tamarin is good i just think tamarin could do better if she wanted to. but i understand the "i can fix her" mentality and i do genuinely think tamarin could help anemone

sunny/fatespeaker is kind of a funny concept but also i can totally see it

i genuinely forgot turtlejou was a thing in canon ... it does not make sense to me. who came up with this. in the words of my friend "forced heterosexual on both parts tbh"

i love turtle and peril as friends so so so much if i saw someone romantically shipping them i feel like i could get mad

smolder/thorn is like if glorybringer was bad. mostly just because thorn can do way better than him. smolder and vermilion should kiss each other and bond over being wimp princes who havent actually done anything wrong themselves but bow to tyrant relatives to avoid getting killed

i dont know if this will be an unpopular take but clay and peril is such an awful ship. i like them as friends, i think theyre great as friends, but a romantic relationship between them would be so deeply unhealthy considering their situation. peril would be even more dependent and attached to him than she already is, and clay is not the kind of dragon who has an easy time saying 'no' to things. it would not be a malicious relationship in any way, but it would not be good for them. peril needs to learn how to live for herself, not for the approval of anyone else

okay thats all for today friends. thank you if you read all of my mismatched thoughts if you did ^_^ i love talking

[cold-r-ain-in-june]

so a few weeks ago @steadfast sent me an ask wondering how i manage to gather the pieces of media for my web weavings

unfortunately,  it just happened that when you sent me that ask i was one foot in the grave with a fever and ever since i got better i've been procrastinating writing you a reply since i wanted to give you my best answer

double unfortunately, tumblr decided to delete the post and your ask when i was almost done, so i'll try to write it again even though i'm frustrated over the original getting deleted so bear with me

so to start off, i happen to suffer from the horrible condition called sometimes-i-feel-things-so-strongly-i-want-to-cut-open-my-skin-to-let-them-out. a horrible illness really. things like anger or missing my ex or chronic sadness. sometimes, rarely, it happens to be love, though much less often then i would like.

basically, i bottle things up to the point in which i cant help but see them everything. i see a random poem on my instagram feed, i listen to a song on the bus and one of the lyrics clicks like it never had before, a scene from a movie a watched 3 years ago comes to haunt me at night when i cant sleep.

so i gather them, sometimes, i make new folders for them, other times i am so lazy and messy i just let them get lost and rot with the other 10k of screenshots i have on my phone.

obviously, i also have to outright search for things, but i dont even do it for the sake of creating a web weaving post at first. i just feel one thing so deeply i have to look up proof that people have been also feeling this thing for thousands of years and theyve all dealt with it. i mostly search them here on tumblr and sometimes pinterest. words like "friendship", like "medea", like "toxic siblings", they can all open doors to pieces of media you have never heard of before, but which contain a three line dialogue youd kill for from the first time you read it. this all very tricky, evidently, at times, things simply dont match with the way you actually feel, no matter how much you search for them, but stitching them together can give you this almost perfect thing that mirrors your soul.

i also happen to be the kind of person who screenshots everything they think its relevant. and its good that i have really low standards for relevance. thats how i end up diving in my screenshots pile, when i feel like my web searching is failing, and sometimes i get lucky enough and i find a line i collected 2 years ago that matches exactly how i feel in that moment.

you've also mentioned the question of whenever i memorize book passages, and the answer is somewhere between yes and no. while, when i read i heavily annotate my books, im not a big fan of memorising outright passages (my brain is mush lets be honest, i cant fry it even more with overloading), and i dont write them down or anything, but i do however manage to memorize the overall idea of passages that stick to me. liek i can tell that x book has some quote about y thing even if i dont remember it outright. then i try to look it up, i use goodreads mostly (which is a bitch on mobile but you can work your way around if you search shit on web AND THEN you open it with the app) and google books when it decides to be helpful every once in a while, and if neither of those work, THEN, i open my edition and try to look for it because im lazy like that.

another site i really like, and its obvious in my web weavings is gentle.earth!! which, now that i say it, i actually havent visited it in a while but since i remembered it exists ill probably stalk it for the next few weeks. it's an anymous site on which everyone can confess things that hang heavy on them and some of them get to be displayed on the page after the entires are curated. its a really pretty thing to look through

now that i covered the bases of obtaining the materials for the web weaving, which i think i can boil down to 1. hysterical search mission and 2. hoarding every piece of media you come across, i will also add that at least for me personall, putting them in order for is a pain in the ass (which is also the maine reason i havent made a web weaving in almost a year even though i have the materials ready). i dont know if other people who do this kind of things are as press as i am about the order in which each post go and the way the different shades of the same idea interwine and bullshit bullshit or if im just mental. but yeah its also a really important step for me, its basically the polish of the post ig

also the biggest problem with the hoarding strategy is spending 2 days looking for a source because your past self was too lazy to also screenshot the source. thats also a bitch

anyway, i honestly i have no idea if youll find anything helpful here, or if i just used your ask to moan about my struggles but its 3 am over here and honestly this is the best ive got. thank you for the ask though, i do love getting ask even if it takes me two decades to answer them <3

[royrockstone]

heyy

not really a question, just wanted to give you some flowers

ive been reading your stuff for the past three weeks and im so glad i came across you cause i didnt think id find a writer in the succ sphere that can write roman in a way that won’t annoy me LOL (tbf i did find very few others since then but youre my fav) also it’s so hard to get a laugh out of me with writing and i totally belly laughed a few times, you’re fucking funny

idk i think youre pretty brilliant and get the characters so well its almost unbelievable at times

and jesus christ i love the way you write ed stuff, i was thinking about it watching the show but you just gave it a whole new dimension 

i still didn’t read everything, don’t want to binge it and then be sad. 

actually i do have a question, do you have any personal writing outside of fic realm? or ever considered writing whatever original stuff? well regardless i think you’re insanely good at imitation and a few dialogue moments feel like a memory of the canon show in my head 

k that’s it :))

this was so SO kind (to the point where i kinda didnt want to answer just to keep it in my inbox ) thank you for taking the time to write out your thoughts and send them my way!! 

beyond glad to hear you think im funny and a Roman Understander— that's everything i want to hear <33

re: the ed stuff, i tend to bring a “hm getting a lot of ed vibes from this” mindset to a lot of media 😭 (and we live in a disordered culture! most media with something to say about the world has something to say about food and bodies) but its ofc become clear over time that its incredibly intentional in succ! which is a win for me but also. a devastating loss emotionally. and it adds a ton of depth and dimension to its stance on wealth, gender, trauma, personal identity and family dynamics. im glad to hear that the way i write it hits the mark for you <3 (truly my biggest flex is that i was an ed!roman truther from before the esquire interview. i saw the dog pound scene and went “hm. rexie vibes.” and never looked back.)

i know there will be fewer eyeballs on it after the show ends/once the post-finale glow (or anger, but hopefully glow!) wears off, but i have a few more ideas i want to bash out abt these characters before i pack it up, so you’ll get more content even if you finish all thats currently out there!

 SCREAMING that someone would like my fic enough to ask about my non-fanworks writing. actually screaming. dream come true! ok ok i Do have a personal writing practice. ive been published a few times in cultural criticism (and one poem lol. nothing earth-shaking, as its something im relatively new at and haven’t put a ton of effort into yet) id also be happy to dm you some critical writing ive done that deals with ed themes if thats of interest! like most mediocre prose writers, ive dreamed about writing a book. and im currently writing a screenplay (my la-era roman slay) but i don’t rlllly expect that to go anywhere since Everyone has written a screenplay (ive mentioned it obliquely on here before, but its thematically centered around dancers/theater/the political economy of the culture industry/the legacy of aids in the arts) but yes, if im talented at anything, its mimicry (thats why i tend to write in fandoms with rlly specific, imitable dialogue styles and tones- succ, veep, the secret history) so i understand if people would not be interested in my original writing.

ty for this ur very kind and i will treasure this ask foreverrrr <333

[fraener]

11/20/24

spent some time with p&s today and divulged some of the recent turmoil with h to them. apparently r reached out to p to "apologize" in which she of course did not take responsibility for anything she had done. i feel sorry for her. they told me i should try and make it work with h if i can because hes beautiful and sweet and wonderful, which he is all of those things, when i dont remind him of her. i wanted him to be excited about the book im reading and want to read it too. its hard to move forward because hes already decided theres nothing to be done about any of it and while he appreciates my efforts hes already decided its not possible to change anything for the better. i dont want passable contentedness i want to feel like i can rely on someone. im getting closer to being ready to let go of all of this, i think. i was made stronger today by p's hug. it was lingering and tight and sympathetic. he also told me that at this point there wasnt much i could do since h still doesnt trust me when im already the most trustworthy person i could possibly be. i wish i could have been there for h's healed state. i dont regret dating him but i kind of wish we hadnt sometimes, i think he would have been better off if we hadnt. i think at some point i wont be able to stand hurting him anymore. i know its not my fault but its still really hard when i feel like all i do is disappoint him by not being what he wants. im tired of vacillating between being incredibly sad for myself and incredibly sad for h and feeling pretty good and feeling secure and then feeling hurt and incredibly sad again. i feel capable of recognizing what he can and cant do. i had to let go of being very emotionally close with him, and asking him for help, and feeling celebrated or cared for much, and i still took him in the ways he could show up, and its getting harder to see what im doing this all for or why im doing it this way. it feels really silly. but i feel ready to just be sad about it, something clicked and im not pushing it all away anymore. my insecurities have been almost fully quelled because there isnt much to be insecure about. my sense of attachment has really waned. i just dont want to make him sad anymore and i think he deserves to be with someone who can fulfill what he thinks he needs, as painful as it is to think and say.

[deutoplasmic]

KITSUNE REN IS PERFECT,,, just a mischievous lil guy,,, all of them will be like crows with you because they would just give you shiny things because you take care of them like “oh what a lovely ring thank you syoya! where’d you get it” and you turn around and hes gone (dont worry he didnt steal it he just picked it up off the floor)

LMAO i mean if you ever wanna learn some filipino phrases i gotchu,,, and i relate omg i cant even handle mandarin’s 5 tones sometimes HDNDJD

yea i mean most governments are like that ;; you ask most americans about my country and they dont even realize most of the terrible stuff the US has done to us,,, and yea rigging is. par for the survival show course but in chinese shows people are even better sleuths and can work out exactly who was rigged in and out,,, its almost funny now bc in 创造营2021 specifically, one of my picks was rigged in and the other was rigged out 😭

REAL as a SEA artist one of the biggest tips thats been given to me is to charge foreign clients by USD because if clients find out youre from SEA theyll often try to lowball ;;

WHDNDJDJ SCARY CAT PRIVILEGE,,, as opposed to yudai who needs scary dog/cat privilege LMAODKJDJD i love the spectrum of boyfailures

YEA HE GOT REALLY SCARED HE WAS LIKE SNIFFLING AND WHIMPERING AND I WAS LIKE NOOOOOOOOO SMOL,,, but yea i get you the reality checks when you see young kids debut now is,,, crazy

PLSSS IM NOT THAT GOOD OF AN ARTIST 😭 everyone around me is so cool and im just here. stuck detangling a yarnball like a cat because i hate getting to knots when im crocheting LMAODKDK

also you dont have to apologize for yapping 🫡 i love listening to yapping so this is fun for me

OK WAIT THATS SO CUTE. considering blacksmith sukai who makes the jewellery himself ..... like ............ he silently hands you his laundry for the day and a gorgeous bracelet before slightly smiling at you and leaving for the day..... and glassblower ruki feels so right to me.... he makes glass koi fish flecked with gold for you........... AND CARICATURE ARTIST SHION ..........

omg i would love to learn some filipino phrases. arent there like at least 100 languages in the philippines?? also YEAH. REAL. its ok we take it :pensive:

ok i might be horribly uninformed but the most i remember is the philippines has some serious history with being colonised by spain and the us, so it lost like.... so much of its culture. and i think the us kept using it as a warzone during the two world wars?? idk. unfortunately not very versed in the history of my neighbours.... BUT ok thats hilarious how do you even figure that out. never crossing a chinese netizen they probably can find my address or smth LOL.... idk who was rigged in or out but it was such a surprise to see rikimaru, born 1993, actually make it to debut. crazy stuff

that is honestly very sad... being an often occurrence is absolutely diabolical. glad you guys are advocates for proper pay bc YIKES......

oh he absolutely DOES. same genre different needs :rofl: on the topic of who has the scary vibes i think kyosuke qualifies. idk he's like 170cm but i'm very intimidated i think he would chew me up if i were to brawl it out with him. didn't he get like 48 smth kilos on the grip strength test???? it's OVER

he signed up to sing, dance, and look good NOT to get scared by creepy horrors straight from under his bed!!!!!!!!!! who even is this poor guy.... im obligated to support him after this tragedy............ but. yeah. i think it was unis who has the one eldest member in 2001 and the rest are from 2007-2012......... the worst part was that they were from a survival show so people actively VOTED for these kids

nope i'm taking a page out of takeru's book and will only believe it if i see it!!!!!!!! but truly the horrors of untangling.... i try not to buy hanks just bc i dont have a skein winder thingy....... you guys are probably all so cooll!!!!!!!!!!!! god speaking of crocheting i hate when i realise i bungled smth like 10 rows ago like. LIKE. such a bad experience 0/10

you and me both :handshake: but i generally take the listener not the yapper role so this is a bit of a change :sweatdrop:

[miupow]

yeah !! year of the dragon!! im a bit sad i wont be able to celebrate at home this year with the rest of my family, but ill be sure to eat bunches anyways. ive been writing 福 upside down on my paperwork for the last few days as like a good luck charm ! but yes ! so elated to be at oxu!! i like the challenge and just doing so much with my intellectual pursuits.

im happy to hear you're excited to read !! ive also started reading again - my choice for the month is Norwegian Wood by murakami and its sooo 🥹💔 aghhh. i need to get back into writing book reviews. ive done a couple for long fics here and there for fun, but digging into a book is a different ballpark. you should def tell me how your romance novels go !!!

im also very happy to hear that you finished just like magic !! im so proud of you !! i havent read it yet, but im sure its good. im avoiding fanfic atm bc every so often i get squicked for one reason or another, but ill def leave a review when i do.

ill come by later tonight with a beom thought - i flew out the 5th so i missed tyn,, cant do my boy gyu like that 😔

- 🐶

so happy for u 🐶 anon :’( i really hope you enjoy your time at oxu.. and that good luck charm thing is so cute omg?? i’ve never heard about something like that but maybe it’s because i’m a dumb american lol

oooouuu murakami!! one of my dads fav authors.. he has almost all of his books hehe he bought them all when he lived in japan back in the 90s

will def update you on my romance novel adventure 🫡 also book reviewing is such a cute hobby omg and book reviews for long fics?? that’s so adorable i would die if anyone did that for any of my writing

eee i really hope you enjoy jlm!! i worked hard on it hehe i know it’s an odd time for fanfic rn but !!

oh boy beomie thought… i’ve been having terrible brainrot for gyu recently cos i’ve been beating myself up over thinking of a fic plot for his bday.. excited to hear ur thought hehe ^^

[catgirlbussy]

i had a long post planned where i wanted to share some insights id had re trans stuff and follow with asking if others wanted to share their experiences in the same type of deal but today i am just sad. i dont have it in me.

I wrote what's below to try to remind myself that even though I feel like I have so much left before I can even relax that it's okay to take care of my wellbeing, and it's completely okay if you don't want to read that for any reason.

I hope everyone can find positive things in their lives today, take care <3.

I struggle to justify in my mind that the time to work on myself and find healthier ways of viewing my identity and person and mind is worth it when i feel like i cant even keep up with all the effort required of trying to fix the burning fires of my finances and managing my business and dealing with mountains of backlog objectives like even just organising my books or putting the furniture and belongings back in place in my office after the two water damage incidents.

I want to feel happy my body is changing with HRT in the ways id always dreamed of and never thought could be real for me. I want to feel happy that im making new friends with folks who appreciate that its so scary for me to be social despite how lonely i am and /want to be more social/ and see that im trying because i cant stop feeling like im letting them all down by not having evn just stablised my life at this point.

my real issue is nearly three decades of viciously integrated self-hatred by being stuck with a family that didnt want me around and felt i wasnt good enough. I dont even want to intellectually process that at this point now cause i know i dont have it in me, im just trying to remind myself again and again that im worth it and its okay to take care of myself and im allowed to be alive and to exist in the world and to take up space even in the small unimportant ways i do. i want to feel like if i can manage to keep pushing for long enough ill still want to be |alive| at the end of this rough journey when i finally have some stability again and am not struggling dah to day.

Why am i posting on tumblr to people i almost universally do not know at all in case someone happens to see this? It terrifies me that even a small amount of people are just minutely aware i exist, even if its just liking something i reblogged or whatever. I /hide/, that's what i do. I try so hard to make sure as few people as possible know im around. Or at least that's what I've done for most the past decade. I am fighting so hard to practice just allowing myself to be around other people and not feel like im a burden for existing in the same room. I am explicitly not sending this to someone im friends with directly cause i know im sad so often i dont want them to feel more tiredness from their own busy lives with their own issues. It's not even that they aren't supportive, the few close friends i have these days regularly are so blindingly kind and thoughtful to me and my struggles and actively try to help me how they are able that i weep out of an awful and frustratingly ambiguous mixture of appreciation and guilt that they're spending time on me. Spending time /with me/.

Im not tagging this or mentioning anyone or whatever, I'm not trying to farm engagement or gain followers or anything. I offered the first paragraph + the line break as a way for people to not have clutter in their feed if this does pop up for them somehow but they don't want to read it. I'm still quite new to tumblr and i don't know very well yet how the feed aggregation works for people in its current state. I'm just practicing taking up space and showing for myself the world doesn't collapse because im there.

If anyone does read this, please know you're worth it. You deserve to feel valid and worthy of love and respect and safety. You deserve the joys of community and the security in knowing you're not facing things alone. Even if feel you've made mistakes, I love you for being alive and am grateful you are. You're allowed to be imperfect in this world. If you're trans, like me, but also if you aren't, cause this isn't just for trans folks, whoever you are, you're important.

This pic I saw somewhere on tumblr but I can't even remember where I saved it from, I just save pics that make me happy and maybe wanna show friends. Whoever made this, thank you. Music is one of my most essential reasons for living.

[sjwilli4ms]

Writing Initiative #4 (week 6)

for week 6 I hit burnout. This wasn’t good. I needed a vacation and STAT. At least now I KNOW im doing a 3d textured puzzle

*a few days later*

I’m starting to realize that I have something that might simultaneously be my kryptonite and my blackrock… I’m a perfectionist. I feel like the puzzle isn’t coming out the way I wanted it to come out.

I’ve decided to change some things up and just do a series of sculptures that have to do with emotion! Here are the sculptures, what they represent and why:

Sculptures (I accidentally forgot to take pictures before the final critique so the pieces are slightly damaged as I had to carry them across the city in a bag)

Red one - rage 

As I was sculpting, I saw rage as a feeling that kinda juts out. It takes a lot to make me angry so when it happens its pretty…edgy. There’s something that has stuck with me for a very long while and I don’t remember if I saw it in a book or a heard it in a podcast, but the thing said was “rage is a protective manifestation of sadness”. I found that to be so beautiful so I ended up making the ends look a little bit curved. When I was done sculpting, it kinda looked like the inside of a pomegranate and I think that was a perfect way of depicting everything. I chose to use red and yellow, but something more prominently red with yellow tips.

Yellow one - joy

I chose to make this a physical manifestation of joy by poking lots of holes in this one (sorry to all my people with trypophobia LOOOOL) I chose to do this because I feel that to me, joy is something that comes inwards and can be given from the inside. Think of someone that fills you up with joy. Chances are they are filled with joy themselves haha. I also made this piece a little bit smaller because to me its the little things that really give me joy. it doesn’t have to be something so grand or luxurious to make me feel that feeling so its almost like a little “nugget” of joy. I chose to make it yellow because that is the first thing I think of when the word joy comes to mind… I think of the colour yellow!

Black one-  hate |||| Pink one - love 

I chose to merge the two into one because I feel that there’s a fine line between love and hate, and with the black piece, I made it hate because I feel that this is what “hate” represents to me. It reminds me of an annoying zit that appears on your face that you want gone(which is also why it merges with the love in a weird way). I chose the love to look the way it did (similar to hate but bigger) because I feel that love should always overpower hate. I know it sounds a little corny ahah but really and truly this is my philosophy. I decided to make the love physically replicate open arms and a real cozy embrace in the most abstract way possible, and facilitated the black within it. I also chose to make love two separate shades of pink.

Blue one - sadness 

This one is blue because of the whole concept of “feeling blue”. Its also very lumpy because I associate sadness as an invasive feeling that just comes out of nowhere.

Purple one - envy 

I associate envy and purple together and I really don’t know why. If I close my eyes really hard thats just what happens to come to my mind. It also juts out and because because I feel like the feeling of envy is like the feeling of getting stabbed to me.

Spiky blue and green - grounded  

Just looking at the piece makes me feel so grounded honestly. I also painted it to look a painting of the earth

Brown ones - confusion 

I made these two different pieces that join into one just because I feel like confusion involves having to eliminate that confusion. A puzzle more or less has to be put together and in spite of the fact that puzzle sometimes cause me physical stress, they’re actually very grounding, and that’s why I made it brown.

Yellow green - lust 

I feel like this one would be unexpected to viewers if I told them that this was lust to me. I feel like lust is a radiating feeling, almost similar to how people say that they’re “in heat”. It also looks the way it does silhouette wise because it reminds me of squeezing. I associate the metaphorical feeling of lust with the physical feeling of being squeezed. There’s this one song by teyana Taylor (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9aAb2H2IVbA) that has the lyric “and Squeeeeeeeze me” and that really resonated with me for lust.

I also chose to not label the sculptures because I feel that each sculpture could represent a completely different feeling for somebody else, and I wanted it to be open to interpretation of their own chronosynchronicity.

Also here's a Timelapse of me actually making the sculptures before painting

[fearowkenya]

unabridged rambling about the Fucked Up French Dog Book I Read As A Child

so i'll transplant+expand on the tags that survived tumblrs attempt on my life then just keep talking lmao. context this is about the text post asking about the book you read the most. now disclaimer there MIGHT be a book i read more times than this but this is by far the one that sticks out to me the most

so theres this one french book i read in like. third or fourth grade. or maybe second. in any case it was back when i was attending a french school so the french reading level was pretty high. this is not relevant to the book but it is an interesting thing to remember for Later in my experience with it

anyway i cant remember if i chose to read this book or if it was assigned to me or chosen for me. i THINK it mightve been chosen for me by my teacher but im not sure. the reason im not sure is bc it was a book where the main character was a dog. so like. Exactly My Brand. and i really really liked it.

cw animal death from here on out btw

so i read it at LEAST twice i think. in early elementary. see ok my recollection of elementary is Before i changed schools and After i changed schools. i 100% absolutely remember reading it at least once Before i changed schools.

i think maybe what happened is After i changed schools i like. saw it in my french class and was like 'oh yeah ive read this. my teachers at this school dont know ive read this. easy shit i will just read it again'. so that wouldve been like 5th or 6th grade i think.

later on this book got Actually Assigned as an Everyone In Class Read This Book sorta situation and i remember being kind of baffled because i wouldve been in 7th or 8th grade at that point and i remember being like. "Well this is Awesome for me but how did this happen. i read this book in [whichever grade i was in, either 2nd or 3rd or 4th]. and it was easy shit then so why are we reading this In Class as its Own Thing . is this not too far below our level.' (its bc you transferred to an Eng school kiddo the Fr reading level was way lower than ur old school) in any case, i didnt say anything because i wasnt about to look a gift horse in the mouth lmao

anyway the whole time we were reading it as a class i was very happy because it was like . Oh i got this in the BAG ive read this book before! and then aced the shit outta the reading comprehension worksheets. it was almost an UNFAIR ADVANTAGE. you CANNOT beat me on my HOME TURF (home turf being, Weird Book About Dog)

id like to read it again tbh and maybe read the eng translation as well. im curious about it.

so in summary its about a stray dog seeking somewhere to call home and possibly a good owner who loves him. now this dog is UGLY this is an important trait of his. he is an ugly horrible stray who lives an ugly horrible life and he has two mentor-figures that die terribly throughout the book . and then he meets a horrible little girl and they become besties. but then her dad is like 'this dog is ugly and SUCKS' and gets rid of him. and then the dog is like 'oh yeah?? oh yeah????? im done being scared and sad im fuckign PISSED now. try me IDIOT' and breaks into his house and Destroys it

by 'destroys it' i mean he makes friends with a gang of dogs and they break in and wreck the place. the dog nearly has a heart attack bc his new dog friend who is helping him Wreck Shit gets stabbed i think?? and is like Dog. i am dying. tell my storyyyy. and then the dog is MISERABLE AND UPSET and freaking out because this would make THREE important other dogs who die on him. but then his friend is like 'oh shit jk bestie im actually fine. damn . it was supposed to be an epic prank dude im fine hey shh its ok'

'mattie whats the dogs name' you might be wondering. he doesnt have one. hes referred to as 'the dog' . he is never named. the little girl is never named either. well no she is but her "real" name is never stated because it's irrelevant. she's referred to by the name the Dog chooses for her which is apple. because. she smells like apples.

other notable dogs in this book are the first one whose name i dont remember but she takes him in when he lives in the junkyard. and then she fucking dies i forget how. i think she's crushed by a refrigerator. anyway her dying words are smth to the effect of 'you have to be swift little one. you have to be swift...' and then she croaks

the SECOND one is when hes trapped at the dog pound and they're on track to be euthanized because the shelter is full. their name was le laineux (the wooly one) .

the third one is. oh shit i think their name was 'le hyeneux' which i remember clocking as 'the hyena-ish one' and didnt bother looking up if 'hyeneux' was a Real Word the same way 'laineux' is because le hyeneux's main traits are Staying Silly and Cackling Like A Hyena. no further specification necessary .

the whole thing with le laineux was so fucked up because theyre on borrowed time , they're up next on death row at thsi full kill shelter and Dog doesnt understand why laineux, who is so kind and good and gentle, is still here and no ones adopting them (they are old and sickly). dog fully intends to die with laineux and they are comforting each other as they approach deaths door, but then RIGHT ebfore the shelter closes someone comes in and chooses him and hes like no what the fuck it shouldnt be me ??? and laineux is like 'no this is good. you need to go' and dog REFUSES he throws himself at the bars of the cage to scare the little girl who wants to take him home, maybe so that laineux looks better in comparison and they'll pick laineux instead, maybe to guarantee that he dies with laineux, and hes snarling and barking at this little girl to try to deter her and unfortunately for him it backfires because shes like "AW FUCK YEAH he BITES hes MEAN i want a MEAN DOG' and they take him home and laineux dies alone but happy that Dog gets to live

anyway it does have a happy ending he does see his girl again and hes happy. the dad is like. ok well i am kind of impressed by this dogs weird tenacity so he can stay. also my child did not take me trying to kill her dog very well. so i will let her keep the dog.

now that i think about this maybe this book is also another reason Why I'm Like This. cabot-caboche by daniel pennac if anyones curious hahah

LMFAO I DIDNT REALIZE THERE WAS A TAG LIMIT ON TUMBLR??? a lot of my rambling about fucked up french dog book got cut off