#this is a trauma dump i'm trying to make it pretty

[beanghostprincess]

Dipping in and saying transfem Sanusop is great but also just that transmasc Sanji has just a real special place in my heart. He’d probably join the crew already transitioned, just because I can easily see Zeff just being immediately supportive of his boy, and nobody ever questions Sanjis gender ever. He’s „blackleg“, „pervert“, „lovecook“ Sanji and nothing is ever gonna change that. Enter Sanuso tough and things get more complicated because Sanjis ideas of what makes a man are weird and nonsensical at times and him being a „ladies man“ is something he prided himself in and now he has to come to terms with the fact that: No, most straight men don’t regularly think about what it would be like to be in a fulfilling relationship with another man, no not even to „just see what it’s like“, most straight men don’t get those types of butterfly’s around their best friend. And poor Sanji is having an internal struggle because a weird part inside him feels like this somehow invalidates his gender. Bad times and dysphoria all around. Usopp may actually even already know that Sanji likes him back but doesn’t know how to proceed past this issue. He wants to tell Sanji that he loves him, that he would love for him to be his boyfriend, but nothings worth putting Sanji trough a mental breakdown and the thought that them being together would somehow make Sanji feel like a „false man“ is just horrific to him. In my mind they navigate trough it eventually just because I love fluff, but they have a slow burn type of relationship with lots of two steps forwards one step backwards types of progress.

Oh, I absolutely love this.

I've said it already a couple of times, but even if I'm very fond of transfem Sanji, I think transmasc Sanji works just as well with his character and story. He's so trans that no matter what you like, you're probably going to be right. Unless you think he's cis. Then you're definitely wrong. He's trans in every way possible.

His whole view on women and the fact that he worships them so much would have played, in my opinion, a big role in his gender discovery. He would feel so guilty and just... Wrong rejecting womanhood. Like- If he thinks women are the best thing the world has ever created, then why is it so hard to be one? He would have it rough, honestly, accepting himself. Especially after escaping the Vinsmokes and trying to forget all the things they said about him (and how many of them are related to femininity). But I think everything would get easier with time after getting adopted by Zeff. He transitions and he's finally happy with himself (almost, because he still has to fight every day against his own thoughts and past. But at least he's more comfortable in his own skin, now).

And everything goes well from there. Except when he meets Usopp.

It's not that Sanji thinks being gay means being less of a man or anything. He keeps saying he has nothing against gay people and he's being completely genuine there. But his own view on masculinity and what it means to be a man for him includes being a ladies' man. Liking women. Only women. That, and the fact that men and manhood have brought so much pain to his life, make it really hard for him to accept that he's in love with Usopp. With a man. Besides, he has created this persona- This different personality (slightly different from his own. Just a bit more confident and a bit happier and stronger and everything he thinks he's supposed to be considered a man, including liking girls) to feel like a real man. And he is a real man. He knows this. He just feels like if he doesn't follow the right norms he has established for himself and his own masculinity, everything will fall apart.

So, yeah, he kind of has a whole crisis when he realizes he's in love with Usopp. I love talking about Sanji's internalized homophobia/biphobia because I honestly think it's such an interesting topic... But I don't want to make this too long, so I'll just say that he would have a really hard time trying to accept this. The situation would make him angry at himself and even angrier at his surroundings. It would also make him isolate himself because, of course, he won't ask for help. And if Usopp (his best friend) enters a room, Sanji will get out of there just as quickly. His brain is a mess. My poor boy.

Usopp knows, of course, because it's not hard to tell when Sanji is in love with someone. But of course, he won't say anything until Sanji is ready to say something first, because it's pretty much obvious that he's having a hard time, and it's even more noticeable because he becomes more and more and more annoying when it comes to women now. He tries to overcompensate and reaffirm his gender by acting like the ladies' man he tries to be (it doesn't work). And Usopp doesn't mind waiting for Sanji, even if it takes him years, but he can't bear to see Sanji doing this to himself without doing anything to help him.

Not gonna turn this into a whole fanfic because if you're asking me this you probably know my posts and how long they end up being because I turn them into whole one-shots at this point- I swear I won't this time!! But!!

Just saying that Usopp trying to talk things out with Sanji and Sanji having a whole breakdown + Usopp comforting him and saying that they don't have to rush anything if he doesn't want to, that they can go as slow as Sanji wants. That he would wait forever for Sanji. And Sanji accepting to date him and getting used to being loved and loving in that way... I don't know. It feels like a good way to reach the fluff you were looking for with a bit of angst and slow burn first!!!

[tealvenetianmask]

Hell's royalty has a culture that enables Stella's abusive behavior.

Point 1: Keeping up appearances is valued above all else. And I specifically mean the appearance of things being the way they're supposed to be. Conformity basically.

Conformity in this culture seems to include a kind of stoic dignity ("you know excitement is unbecoming of a goetia"), an air of superiority ("don't bow to that one- he bows to us!"), and, of course, some good old fashioned toxic masculinity ("cease this bitch crying").

Individuals at the very top are not immune. Even though he gets past it, Asmodeus seems to spend a lot of time and effort on keeping his relationship with Fizz quiet in order to keep up the appearance of fulfilling his "lust" role.

Point 2: The members of the aristocracy who don't conform are seen as the problem, not the members who are being cruel.

Speaking of Ozzie, there's a chance he'll face real consequences for getting out of line . . . Mammon seems pretty confident about getting revenge. Also, if Ozzie had decided that his reputation was important enough to avoid stepping in to help his partner, well . . . I'm just saying. Cultures of conformity create bystanders who stand by and let abuse happen. So it's good that this guy has the courage (and a good heap of privilege and power) to enable him to step out. Yes, I realize that the crowd at Mammon's celebrated Ozzie and Fizz, but the crowd was distinctly NOT aristocratic.

Now look at Stella's party- this woman is not subtle about being cruel to her husband.

She calls the party a "Not Divorced" party. She openly talks negatively about Stolas in a blatant attempt to humiliate him. She's not trying to hide that she hates the man.

Because he's . . . an oddball. Gentle, not as polished as others in his social sphere, awkward and mostly friendless, probably autistic. And importantly, I think, not traditionally masculine.

So Stella has no need to hide that she treats him poorly. She's proud of it. And her social circle seems to support her in it, or at least, they don't push back. Because based on the aristocracy's unspoken (or if we look at Paimon, very much spoken) value system, Stolas's failure to fulfill all of his expected roles gracefully is worse than Stella's cruelty.

Point 3: Stolas's parenting, while much better than his own father's, still reflects this value system in some ways, and that's . . . complicated.

In some ways, Octavia is doing great. She has her own interests (music! gothy fashion!) that don't seem to be based on any role prescribed to her by others. She has a genuine bond with her dad that's based on care and not on molding her into some ideal princess.

But Stolas still puts on an facade in front of Via. We know that he pretended things were fine when they distinctly weren't for most of her childhood. We could argue endlessly about whether Stolas was right (as Georgia Dow explained in her video) or wrong to stop himself from explaining the situation with Stella to Via in Loo Loo Land, but honestly, the man could let his nearly grown up daughter know that abuse was happening without all out trauma dumping. It would enable her to make more informed decisions, and I think she would want to be able to do that.

Instead, Stolas keeps it to himself. Because he feels like Via SHOULD have this picture perfect childhood. Look at the pictures that are up in his palace. Look at his attempt to gloss over the fighting in the household by taking Via to an idealized childhood destination.

A part of him still thinks that good parenting is keeping up appearances, and that the ugly things are best kept hidden. Look at how hard he still tries to avoid crying in front of people. The values he was taught as a child are part of him.

And while it's not his fault (it's Stella's fault, obviously- these are HER actions), his inability to be open allows Stella and Andrealphus to scheme and (we'll see . . .) probably manipulate Via because of her lack of knowledge.

We're meant to see the moments where Stolas breaks expectations and behaves raw and even a little unhinged as triumphant. Sleeping with Blitz. That is the sound of a fucking divorce. Actually going through with the fucking divorce. Insisting on it. Appearances be damned.

And yeah, more of that please. Because if the people around Stella stop caring about aristocratic social trappings, all she'll have going for her is her shitty personality.

Thanks @akirathedramaqueen for inspiring this post with a conversation.

[headspace-hotel]

Dwarf fortress update: world #2

This is going much better since now I know what I'm doing with administrating tasks. My population is at 75 and dwarves mostly happy (or at least neutral) now that i have the food and alcohol running more or less automatically

My strategy for keeping the dwarves happy is basically to just browse through their thoughts and figure out what they would like to have/do.

A lot of them get unhappy when "remembering trauma." Too bad "therapist" isn't one of the workshops.

I have literally thousands of raw mussels. I haven't seen a body of water nearby except for "murky pool". Where are they coming from??

If you make stepladders, the dwarves use them to pick fruit off the trees! I have a tropical biome this time so there is a huge abundance of fruit.

I have a yak herd going and I just kill most of the bulls periodically for fresh meat.

My dwarf children keep getting kidnapped????

The stockpile system is fucking CURSED.

The amount of feeding stockpiles into other stockpiles I have to do in order to get a smelter running let alone forge weapons? Horrible

I was using bins to make items stack, and my weapons stockpile had a bin in it.

After about 3 in-game years had passed, for some reason mining and tree chopping orders just...stopped working. Like the tiles would just stay highlighted for eternity.

This persisted for like. 2 more years in game. I figured out quickly that part of the problem was that all of the axes and pickaxes were gone. I had no idea why. I tried all manner of convoluted looney tunes bullshit to try to make new ones without any wood for charcoal and without the ability to mine anything else. I demolished the wagon for wood, but my dumb ass forgot about the work orders I had set and the wood was immediately converted into doors. So next I demolished all the carpenter shops. It was not enough wood.

Eventually I ended up just buying a bunch of wood from the trading caravan and after a protracted battle with my interrelated network of stockpiles, smelted iron bars. Then set the metalsmith to make axes and picks.

The work orders ran just fine. The mining and chopping still wasn't working. I went to my stocks and tracked the location of the new weapons and was led to a wooden bin in the weapons stockpile.

How. do you REMOVE. WEAPONS. FROM THE BIN

For around half an hour I experimented with stockpiles, attempting to force the bin to disgorge its contents. I made and destroyed many different stockpiles with different settings. When the weapons bin was forced into a stockpile that didn't accept bins, it didn't release its contents, instead it became invisible and somehow stacked underneath a different item in the stockpile.

Finally, I figured out the workaround: I made a garbage dump, went into the contents of the bin and marked each individual weapon within as garbage. I'm pretty sure I marked the bin itself as "forbidden?" Anyway after the whole thing was in the garbage, I un-garbaged the weapons one by one, made another weapons stockpile that didn't accept bins, and after fucking with it for a while I liberated the weapons from the Bin of No Return (which stayed forbidden and in the garbage)

At some point in the process all the weapons ended up forbidden and somehow stacked together in one tile. I had to manually unforbidden all of them and destroy and remake stockpiles and garbage dumps several times.

Mining and chopping orders STILL AREN'T WORKING

I try manually equipping pickaxes and axes to dwarves under the "squads" tab. No dice.

Finally. FINALLY. I go into the dwarves' jobs and set it so the miners can ONLY mine EXCLUSIVELY and set some dwarves to be locked into wood cutting as well. This, on top of everything else, fixes the problem.

Don't use bins. Got it.

A cyclops randomly attacked my fortress. I hadn't trained my military or anything so I was worried it would do a lot of damage, but my dwarves killed it pretty much instantly

I saw under the "engrave memorial slab" tab that there was an option to engrave a memorial slab to the cyclops. Which I did, just in case.

I found an underground cavern. Since I found the underground cavern I have been getting "petitions" every 5 minutes with adventurers volunteering to come kill monsters. I have like 12 of them in my fortress now.

Also a bunch of mushrooms are growing up into the areas of my fortress with dirt floors, and several of them can be farmed as underground crops??? I have a room in my fortress that grows "cave wheat" now

i'm guessing the next step is to train my military but idk where to start with that

[mika-no-sekai-blog]

Part X

Word count: 2200+

Warnings: mentions of trauma and burns

Autumn themed divider by tsunami-of-tears

Part IX | Part XI

Waking up was laborious and it needed several tries, but when you finally managed to keep your eyes open, you were greeted by familiar surroundings of your cozy room. You let out a shuddering breath. For some reason, you expected to wake up back in that dark room with those two disgusting males above you.

No! It was nothing. It won't happen again. It won't. It's over, you forbade yourself to think about it. There was no doubt that these unpleasant memories would haunt you day and night, so you did the same thing that you did with all bad memories - you pushed them deep down where nobody could find them, not even you and closed the door. The moment it was done, the tremor stopped and you just lay in bed blankly gazing out the window.

After few minutes you inhaled deeply, ready to start all over. It was nice to find out that you could again breathe normally and even the pain was mostly gone. You raised an arm that was certainly broken before, carefully spinning it and trying to move it. It didn't hurt at all. Next you touched your face and hissed. It was still quite sensitive, but you didn't feel any wounds nor swelling.

Closing eyes you took another deep breath and another, enjoying the feeling, the fact that you could do it. You didn't worry about the scars or any temporary bruises that could mark your skin. For some reason you never had any left, your skin perfectly intact, porcelain white.

You rolled to your side and bumped into something solid and warm lying next to you. Slowly opening eyes, you found your husband still deep asleep on his stomach, covers pulled up to the ends of his short hair. Someone had cleaned him up, the bruise under his eye was almost healed, too. A layer of sweat glistened on his forehead.

Several strands of silky red hair were falling to his face, so you gently brushed them back, founding out that the ends on his right side were burnt as well as tip of his ear. Your heart clenched in pain.

"Eris?" You didn't want to wake him up. You just needed to make sure he was real, that he was alive.

His eyelids trembled slightly in answer and that was it. He didn't even move.

"It will take more to wake him up," an amused voice called from the door.

Groaning you sat up and frowned. Killian with tray of jars and bandages in hands was heading to Eris's side of bed, his face unreadable.

"Healers had to properly dope him to keep him asleep, you know. He was trying to get to you, so we dumped him into your bed, but even that didn't work much." He put the tray on bedside table and sat on the edge of the bed.

It took awhile for his words to completely sink in. Despite of Killian's rambunctious voice, his brother didn't even as much as stirred. Swallowing hard, you gently wiped sweat from his brows.

"Is.. is he hurt? How bad is it?"

"Do not worry," he smirked but it didn't reach his eyes. "He will be fine in day or two. It's just easier when he is calm and stays still."

He reached out and took your hand, gently squeezing it. The warmth spread in your chest in a second. "How do you feel? You looked pretty bad. It's really miraculous how fast and well you heal."

"I'm fine," you shrugged, your gaze again fell down to your husband. Is he fine though? He had to fight with his own brother, even killed him. All because of you. And Killian? It was also his brother.

Killian narrowed eyes on you. He leaned over Eris and grabbed your shoulder, making you look up at him. His other hand cupped your cheek. There was something so warm and brotherly in his touch and the way his sad amber eyes burned up.

"Don't even dare to think that this is your fault. Do you hear me? Volkan was asshole and deserved it. Not me nor Eris feel sorry for him. Believe me. I'd kill him myself for what he has done to you," his voice was grave. More than anything he seemed to be mad at his other brother, Volkan.

He held your gaze until you nodded, then flashed a smile. His attention moved to his older brother.

He pulled the covers off of Eris's back and revealed his shirtless form with the bandages on right scapula and shoulder and on his left side above the the hem of trousers. However that wasn't the reason why you gasped. Whole his back was covered with whiplash scars and burns of different sizes. Your lower lip quivered as your eyes watered at the sight of such cruelty.

"I was wondering whether you two already did it or not and here is the answer," Killian snorted. Despite his attempt at a joke, there wasn't even a hint of amusement in his voice.

"He doesn't want people to know about this. He tried to hide it even from us, his siblings, and especially from mother, but she always knew," he added lowly and began to loosen the bandages with fresh burns under.

"Who-.." You couldn't finish the sentence.

"Who did this? Well.. we have more in common than you think. For start, our fathers were monsters. Yours at least covered up all the traces. Ours loved to show off his work."

You recoiled, pulling the covers to your chest. "Have you seen my body?"

He shook his head. "Only healers and your maids. Don't worry. I went only so far as staring at you while you were sleeping, but you already know that," Killian winked and blew you a kiss. He took one of the jars, dipped finger into the ointment and began to spread it carefully.

In silence you watched him to repeat the process until the wound was all covered. Then he took clean bandages and wrapped the burn. Your gaze moved to Eris's face. It was painful for sure, but he didn't even as much as frowned in this state.

"Can I do the other one?"

Killian looked up at you with raised brows. He hesitated for a moment and then handed you the jar with ointment. "I think that inside he would be so happy to know you took care of him, but he would be also angry that you've seen him like this, you know."

You swallowed hard and moved closer. "Do I just.. spread it?"

"Yeah," Killian answered softly, moved into the chair by the bed and eyed you thoughtfully. "He hasn't told yet, right?"

You tilted head to the side curiously. "Told me what exactly?"

"Nope, nothing," he shook his head. "My bad."

You frowned and focussed on the task at hand.

The outlines of the armour plates were burned into the flesh on Eris's shoulder. This wound was bigger and more severe than the other one. It must have been so painful when they undressed him. Touching him as lightly as you could, you spread the ointment and bandaged it.

When you were done, Killian took the tray, muttered something about the food and left.

Sitting there you watched your slumbering husband, biting on your lower lip anxiously. You suddenly needed to touch him, be closer to him, feel him, so you simply reached down and with feather-light touch traced the lines of his face with tip of the finger. He looked so young and vulnerable in sleep, his features soft and relaxed. You leaned down and kissed his cheek, inhaling his pleasant scent. You snuggled to his neck mindful of his wounds and stayed like that until your heart started to stutter.

You couldn't resist any longer and counted the freckles. Twelve cute little freckles on the right cheek. You smiled, satisfied, hoping that some day you would get a chance to count even the ones on the left side, now hidden in pillow.

Then you weaved fingers into his soft red hair, combing them back again and again, soothingly. Slowly moving to the back of his neck and down the spine, you mapped the scars, wishing you could erase them together with memories that were tied to them. Some of them were really deep and big as your palm and you didn't even want to imagine what could have caused them. It was breaking your heart onto pieces.

"It's gross, isn't it."

You startled at the sound of his hoarse voice clouded with emotions. His eyes were still closed, now wet with tears, but he was undoubtedly awake.

"My back.. It's gross, right? You don't have to-"

"No, it isn't. It just.. hurts to see how much you had to suffer," you sobbed. When did you started to cry? You wiped the tears into a sleeve of your nightgown.

"Not more than you," he finally looked up at you, his amber eyes calm, resigned.

"I'm sorry if I made you angry. Killian told me that you don't like others to look at your back. I shouldn't have touched you without permission.."

"I'm not angry," he sighed heavily. "To be honest, I quite enjoyed it before you got to the scars."

He was awake all this time? You didn't know what to say to that, too embarrassed.

"Do you usually cuddle with unconscious males like that or am I the exception?" he teased you, chuckling when he noticed your blazing cheeks.

You gaped at him, mortified to the bone. You never heard him joke around with others let alone with you. Eris was mostly a serious male, it was hard to believe he had it in him. "I-I don't touch others," you stammered. "How could I? I-"

"I know," still laughing he took your hand and pressed it to his cheek. "I'm sorry..

"I love when you are touching me," he murmured into your palm barely audibly, his cheeks tinted pink.

He closed eyes, his breaths slowed down after awhile. Minutes ticked by and he didn't move even slightest. Thinking that he fell asleep again, you pulled up covers on his bare back and caressed back of his head. Amber eye opened, watching you with a strangely sad glint in it.

"How do you feel?"

"Such small burns can't hurt me much," his smile didn't reach his eyes. "And what about you?"

"Some spots are sensitive to touch, but otherwise I'm completely fine."

"Really?"

"Really," you nodded.

"I saw what they did to you, what they were about to do.."

"I'm fine. Thanks to you." You smiled at him gently while mentally checking the door. Intact yet you felt uneasy all of a sudden.

Nothing happened because Eris was there. He came for me. It was nothing.

He closed eyes and heaved a sigh of relief. "I wanted to kill them all again and again when I saw you on the ground." He exhaled sharply through his nose.

"So little was missing and I wouldn't have found you in time. Just this little," he indicated with his fingers. He slowly got up, grimacing and sat facing you. He seemed to be angry or maybe worried. It was hard to say, but you felt guilty nonetheless.

"I needed something personal for my hounds to track you down," he gestured to the vanity, "but there's nothing solely yours in this castle. Thanks Mother that you haven't thrown away that birthday dress. Why didn't you say anything? It's no trouble to get you some combs, hair clips or whatever you need."

You felt so small. With every word your shoulders slumped more and more. You looked down on hands clenched in your lap, avoiding his piercing fiery eyes.

"If it's uncomfortable for you to tell me, you can.. I don't know.. write me down a list.. or tell your maids.."

"I'm sorry, but I-.. I have everything I need," you muttered, feeling like a child scolded by parent.

"Bullshit," he snorted humorlessly. "You can be selfish with me. Ask me for things you want. I'm begging you. I will give you anything your heart desires."

Anything.. A certain thought flashed through your mind and you bit on your lower lip.

"What is it?" His index finger hooked under your chin, forcing you to meet his gaze. You swallowed hard, hesitating.

"Anything," he reassured you when you didn't speak up right away, his voice soft. "Just name it."

His hand moved to your cheek, thumb gently caressing you, while his burning amber orbs were searching the depths of your soul for answer.

You moistened your lips, your palms began to sweat. "What if.. What if I said I want you?"

He gaped at you and then burst out laughing. "I'm here literally offering you a moon on string and you ask me for something that already belongs to you. Other females wouldn't hesitate to ask for jewellery, more dresses and who knows what but not you." Eris shook his head in disbelief and his features once again softened. If you didn't know better, you would think that you saw tears shining in the corners of his eyes.

Your heart skipped a beat and you blushed fiercely.

"From now on you'll wish you could get rid of me," he winked and flopped down into sheets, making himself comfortable on your bed.

[bonaesperanza]

Another thing I liked is how Laurent's trauma is handled, because usually when a character has a Secretly Traumatic Backstory there's some kind of annoyingly maudlin scene about it. Either they get into some kind of big conflict with the love interest and are forced to explain themselves so they don't get judged or dumped, or the love interest intrudes on a vulnerable moment and sees them being abused or somehow handling the consequences of that abuse, or they are explained the circumstances by a benevolent third party, and this changes their view of the abused character because now they're god's poorest meow meow and I just fucking hate it every time.

Like, this is why I stopped reading this type of story: because the amount of crowding and backing into a corner and privacy violation that happens to abused characters in order to coax them into opening up about it and reassure them that they're okay is so annoying. I feel like I've been psychologyposting on main too much lately, so I might explain later why I feel this way or I might not but in any case I hate it.

I love that this book is the literal opposite of that, that Damen not only doesn't crowd Laurent and insist that he open up, but that Damen ensuring space and privacy and time to calm down for Laurent when he's overwhelmed is repeatedly portrayed as an act of friendship and caring and love (that Laurent later reciprocates, because they both lose their heads when something pushes their buttons and understand this about each other).

I also love how Damen doesn't fall in love with Laurent because Laurent is sad and fucked up, or because he's so brave to have put up with the abuse, or because Damen too is sad like Laurent (I'm physically restraining myself from going off on a rant about how shared trauma is hardly ever a good foundation for a relationship): no, he falls in love with Laurent because he's whip-smart, and a good leader, and funny, and tender once he opens up, and a lateral thinker, and a man of integrity who keeps his promises and pays back his debts (and because he's pretty and blonde and good at sporty shit that Damen likes). Some of these things may have been shaped by the awful shit that happened to Laurent, as they were also probably shaped by his station or his education or his body type or any other circumstance of his life, but it's refreshing to have a character who went through awful shit but who also has other things going on for him that make him loveable instead of being completely defined by his trauma. And even when Damen finds out, the way he thinks about Laurent literally doesn't change at all - the things he likes about Laurent are still seen in the same light as always, Laurent's personality as a whole is still the same, even his attitude towards what Laurent did to him when they first met doesn't change much (as we see in the short story epilogue). And even this last bit is really cool because Laurent is never stripped of his agency or made out into some sort of helpless victim currently, both of which would probably mortify him with how much he's trying to establish that he's not at any opportunity.

And I also like how it's not necessary for Laurent to tell Damen about it in order for them to be close, nor does Damen push him into it. And everyone else seems to agree that it's Laurent's story to tell when and how he wants it told, except for the villain of the piece, who reveals it in the most awful way possible. This is particularly important because Damen spends three books grabbing everyone in Laurent's life by the shoulders and shaking them and going, "Why do you care about this guy??? Have you noticed that he's kind of an ashole?? Why are you loyal to him?? Why???" and no one ever says anything, because they're protective of Laurent and don't want to take away his agency or privacy because it's his fucking story to tell. Even after Damen finds out, we don't see him mention it and he probably lets Laurent open up or not on his own terms, as he does with everything else that doesn't directly concern him. Even though we've seen through Laurent's dialogue time and time again that he's probably conceptualizing it in some fucked up ways in his own head and needs yet to realize that he's not some kind of twisted pervert for what happened to him, crowding him about it before he's ready won't accomplish much.

And the story itself backs all this by never being maudlin about it even though it's obvious what happened pretty early on (I figured it out really early, I remember suspecting it almost immediately and being dead sure of it by the Ancel scene in the garden); it kind of elipses around it, gives hints and parallels to other characters in similar circumstances, has Laurent say incoherent shit that makes sense in context, has other characters hint at it, but with Laurent being one of the central characters it's cool that the story gives him that respect and doesn't wallow in the tragedy of it all.

[alle-ni]

My thoughts about goodomensverse (I'm clinically insane) (my personal opinion) (long post)

Book Crowley:

- absolute disaster

- lonely boy

- grumpiest

- he's so in love with Aziraphale but didn't even realised yet

- a bit dumb sometimes ngl

- very tired

- he's trying so hard save earth and everything he knows but everytime he tries to explain why it's always AZIRAPHALE

- sometimes he's like... your old gay uncle, the old gay uncle of the family except it's a 6000 years old gender fluid demon

- HISS LIKE A SNAKE GANG

- got called dear once and them died (figuratively)

Radio Crowley:

- flirty

- "Humm have you ever seen me in a dress~~??"

- he's like flirting with Aziraphale 24/7

- 0 patience this man is a BOMB

- if Aziraphale ever EVER got slightly flirty with him back he will EXPLODE

- smartest of them all, he's very intelligent

- HISS LIKE A SSSSSNAKE GANG

- he's so in love with Aziraphale and it makes him SO FRUSTRATED

- his Aziraphale is the hardest one to reach, maybe this is why he's so deliberately obvious and direct with him (he's resilient, he will never give up)

- he's like a tsudere teenager collegial except he's a 6000 years old demon with serious issues

- not called dear yet poor soul </3

TV Crowley:

- SILLY

- he's the dumbest of them all, sorry 😭

- red hair

- he's so in love with Aziraphale and everyone notice it's SO OBVIOUS

- he's the most affected by The Bookshop Burning ™ event

- the only one who got to kiss the angel, good for him ig, or sorry, idk

- anxiety bomb he literally (literally) EXPLODE

- strongest soldier bc his Aziraphale is IMPOSSIBLE

- got dumped 2 times more than the others someone pls help him

- the most brave tho

- doesn't hiss a lot :/ free him from this madness let him hiss

- he's like a puppy with giant yellow eyes except it's a 6000 years old snake demon that lies all the time

- protective as hell this man wouldn't let anyone near Aziraphale if possible

- got called dear but at what cost??????????????

Book Aziraphale:

- Anxious all the time, religious trauma except the god is your father and he left you and never talk to you again and the guard angels are your siblings and they want you do be dead

- He's so soft he wants so bad to comfort Crowley but he's really hard to reach

- his Crowley is the most difficult of all of them, he needs to circle him a lot to get in touch

- this man got called names so often I don't think he even cares anymore

- he's very nerdy

- he's the calmest of them all

- really chill

- everyone is so mean to him for no reason

- he has 1 braincell tbh and it's really bad bc his Crowley is not that brilliant too they're both stupid sometimes

- he really REALLY wants to be with Crowley and Crowley only, he sounds almost obligated to be with heaven

- he is really kind to others even when they don't deserve

- he called Crowley dear once and then implode

Radio Aziraphale:

- full of himself

- bastard

- the most closed and oblivious of them all

- he tries to play cool with Crowley all the time (he's slowly getting insane and someday he will jump on this man)

- he's the most self sufficient one he barely holds on Crowley to anything and they're pretty independent

- Crowley can say shit like "Miss me angel~~??" and he would keep a bored face and not react at all (he screamed with the walls 4 hours later)

- he's also a tsudere collegial but he at least try to look cool and composed in public

- he's the Aziraphale that most believes in heaven, he's sure they are good and selfless and the right side

- he's not so brilliant tbh but he got a lot of spirit

- the most active Aziraphale ?? He really put his hand in the dirt and do the things alone

- the most angry and bad tempered of them all, bro scream "WE ARE CLOSED LOOK AT THE DAMN SIGN" when ppl barely touch the bookshop door

- he has a lot of patience with Crowley, not deserved tbh bc he thinks it's his personal job to get in Aziraphale's nerves

- overall he is polite

- he's really proud of their "arrangement" there not only one chance he let go without saying that

- he likes to provoke Crowley sometimes too but not as much as the other way around

- if he ever call Crowley dear he will explode

TV Aziraphale:

- bitchiest

- this man need to be sedated what the fuck Aziraphale

- most nuts of then all he's CRAZY

- he's the most up to do shit with Crowley they're insane together

- he doesn't let Crowley rest he is flirting and being cute and hitting on Crowley all the time

- he's so obviously in love with Crowley its embarrassing

- he's the fruitiest he's the entire salad

- the most... indulgent, if I can say, of them all

- more like an employer of heaven, different of book Aziraphale

- he's the only one with almost white hair

- he got kissed but at what cost

- he's the most intelligent of all of them how can he be this dumb

- he loves little things about earth and humans and life and he seems to be the Aziraphale that most love EARTH itself, like, the life, the humans, the food, the little pleasures we have, the little time of happiness we have between all the shit that is happening... he really loves humans <3

- he's conflicted about heaven, he seems to know that there's something WRONG with how heaven works but still doesn't understand what exactly it is

- "oh but saving me makes him soooo happyyyy~~~"

- overall kind and sweet, in a excited way

[hermitsdump]

I have so many posts (both my own and others' analysis) about Sukuna, ngl currently he and Geto are my top 2 favorites (Choso and Gojo were there for months too ngl, I still love them and most characters) but it took going through jjk like 12 times and overthinking to redeem them.

I like going through jjk so many times and being able to understand, relate to, etc. different characters, even those that I used to hate or dismiss (there are still a few that I hate more every time tho lmao).

Anyway I have several (3 or 4, at least) theories on how Choso can still come back, so I can't rly hold that against Sukuna.

Also - - they all approached him first. Sukuna never goes out of his way to kill uninvolved people, he doesn't take joy in others' suffering like Haruta and those old curse users we saw in Shibuya.

He exists for leisure like Nanami, like Megumi, and if we look into the little details of clothing, Heian era history, culture, religion etc, along with the way he speaks and interacts with others, psychology and trauma responses, it can actually tell us a lot, though details might remain ambiguous.

I've said everything Sukuna did wrong was either against his own will or a trauma response, and I don't take it back.

There's the way that Sukuna and Gojo are 2 sides of the same coin, that Gojo became the monster by giving up his body and Sukuna became the monster by taking over Megumi's (in a desperate grasp for his own autonomy - which I believe to be his main motivation for anything).

There's also the irl Sukuna lore / shrine, which might not be canon but sounds a lot like Gojo - regarded as a hero by the people, but demonized by the government, anyway.

I'm gonna stop here bc I have a million sukuna defense posts out there already, this is just a handful of thoughts ig.

Usually I forgive gege/sukuna for his crimes bc gege gives us so many beautiful images of true form sukuna and it takes me an hour to read a chapter bc I just. Keep looking at him. And he's one of my favorite characters.

But he's in time out rn!! Both sukuna and gege ughhhhh that was........ No.....

It can't be Chosover.

[jelsah27]

imposter syndrome talked ab just some forewarning

In History Class

MC: *walks into class with a small smile on their face*

Deuce: Good morning, MC. You seem happy today.

Ace: Yeah what's got you all smiley?

MC: Well, Kalim and Jamil were at my dorm the other day. Kalim really wanted to know about foods from my world and Jamil tagged along for obvious reasons. At on point Kalim wanted to look at my room and he found my snap-out-of-it post-it notes on the wall.

Deuce: Snap-out-of-it post-it notes?

MC: Oh, yeah they help remind me that a lot of the problems I think I have aren't really as problematic as I think. Like "Every personality is a creation of experiences that make you you." or "My friends like me because I am me". You see a while ago I figured out that I have a bit of Imposter Syndrome.

Ace: A bit of what?

MC: Well, it's pretty much I feel like I'm not the person everyone thinks I am. I'm not the gifted child everyone remembers or the smart person everyone seems to think I am. That if I can't hurry up and live up to everyone's expectations that they'll figure out I'm not as great a person they think I am and be disappointed and angry that all I am is an empty shell of who they believed I was and leave. Some times it will also come in the form of believing that my friends only want to be around me out of pity or that if I don't like what they like or want to do the same things as them then they will leave, even if they've reassured me they love me. I think the worst thoughts I ever got from it was when I started to believe that my personality was fake and that I didn't know why I was so different than the kid everyone liked. I started to believe that I had faked my personality from different shows, books, or even people to even have one.

MC: Honestly I didn't even realize it was imposter syndrome till someone else pointed it out to me after telling them this. I genuinely had no clue I was so disgusted with myself till I was talking with them about it and they pointed out that none of what I was saying was true, that everybody knew who I was and loved me as I am. I think I cried when they told me that.

Deuce: Prefect... I had no idea...

MC: It's alright, I've been learning to get better at combating it. Anyway, Kalim asked me about it and I basically told him and Jamil what I just told you. He then asked me what I'm doing to overcome it. So I told him about the main things that have helped. Reminding myself constantly that I am not fake or hiding who I am from people I love and who love me. Whenever I feel negative thoughts try to take over, think about one positive thing that I have done or something someone had said they love about me for every dark thought. If it gets to bad though, go to someone I trust and ask them flat out about those thoughts, it helps a lot. And twice a week I make a post-it or journal about one or two small things. Maybe a compliment someone gave me, or a task I completed. So every day or so since they've-

Jamil: *walks into the room* Prefect, here. I must get to class before Kalim catches something on fire I mean gets into trouble. Have a good day.*hands MC a small note and leaves the classroom*

MC: *smiling contently* It say 'Thank you for helping Kalim study yesterday great sevens know he needed it and your smile is unique'

Deuce: *getting out paper* If it helps you, I'll gladly join in.

Little bit of a rant u can skip I hope you enjoyed the post <3 Y'all I'm sorry I didn't mean to trauma dump but I really like the idea. But the story is true and I did cry (and it was in a restaurant) when my sis told me I was wrong and she knew who I really and she loves me. That our friends won't leave because all humans have opinions and we are allowed to clash. And that my personality isn't fake, that everyone's personality is what they've created themselves and that people add and take away from themselves all the time and work on parts of themselves they don't like to become better. That my brain was just being dark when there was many lights around me, waiting to be recognized. If any of y'all read this its just one side of imposter syndrome, there are a few versions and many levels of severity. I genuinely think you are awesome and perfectly imperfect the way you are!

Anywho thanks for reading!

[madelynraemunson]

CALL ME WHAT YOU WANT 𓆩♡𓆪

(strip club owner!eddie x fem!exotic dancer!hargrove!x reader)

𝐌𝐎𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐍 𝐀𝐔 18+ minors LOOK THE OTHER WAY

Ch 007: Buckle Up, Baby

A night in the town with Eddie takes a spicy turn when an outfit on display catches your eyes. And what do ya know? It’s your exact measurement…

* = somewhat smut

** = smut

↳ chapters: 001, 002*, 003** , 004**, 005 , 006 , 007* , 008**, 009, 010, 011, 012* , 013**, 014**, 015, 016**, 017, 018, 019, 020*

word count: 3.5k words

disclaimers & warnings — dialogue heavy, arguing, trauma dumping again, angst, yearning, shy girl yelling at eddie (as she should), sexual tension, grinding, thigh riding, car canoodling 🫣

“She’s a black magic woman, she’s trying to make a devil out of me.”

♡

Spellbinding is the best word you can think of to describe Nocturna, a town spookier than Hawkins just 20 minutes inland. It sure lives up to its name, with the average closing time for restaurants, bars, and shops being 3:30 AM.

“This city is so cute,” you beam. “Love the late night vibe it’s got going on.”

“Right?” Eddie agrees. “If Hawkins were a Spencer’s, ‘Turna would be the back of it.”

Eds takes you to El Diablo Bar & Grill where you settle for a ‘TURNA Tossed salad’ and beer. ‘The Eddie Special’ may have left you full, but there’s no way you’d ever pass up free food.

Your boss helps himself to a couple of beers as well, both of them way too hoppy for your liking. And just as you predicted, downing two of those bad boys after smoking a shit ton of weed has its repercussions.

“Eddie, what the fuck are you doing?”

Personal space is a foreign concept for Eddie whenever he’s under the influence. Not like that’s any new information. You just didn’t expect him to be so tender, affectionately fiddling with your hair, using it as a mustache, and then attempting to braid it. You’re surprised because he actually does pretty well.

“Where’d you learn how to braid?” you ask.

“Taught myself,” he replies. “That way if Nancy ever calls out, someone at Hellfire would at least know how to do hair. Luckily I haven’t ran into that problem yet.”

“That’s really thoughtful,” you swoon as Eddie goes to braid your other side.

“I’m also learning how to curl hair,” Eddie adds. “If I could get past burning myself with the iron, that’d be great. Until then, I’ll always vouch for a traditional sock bun.”

You watch has he loops your hair around itself to secure the braid, just as he did the first one. Then comes the unpredictable. Suddenly, you’re taken aback when Eddie gives your hair a tug. Aggressively.

“Eddie!” you cry out.

He spirals into an outrageous belly laugh.

You shove Eddie away from you in a playful form of disgust, his dramatics launching him right out of his seat. Customers start to look your way. You hide your face in embarrassment.

“I think you’ve flown off the handle,” you accuse.

“No,” he denies. “Just comfortable that’s all.”

“Yeah and a bully,” you hiss, undoing your braids out of spite. He knows you’re kidding around.

“What?” Eddie questions, reeling you in via bar stool, smirk growing more and more prominent the closer you get. “You don’t like that I pull hair?”

“That’s enough, you little freak.”

Eddie stops, jokingly wincing at your harsh words. "Thought you were into freaks."

"...Shut up,” is all you can think to say.

"Come on..." he taunts, giving your side a soft pinch. “You know I'm right."

He is right.

You poke his stomach with one of your pointy fingers.

"Okay, and what if I was? Does that get you off? Mr. Know-It-All?”

Eddie clears his throat and squirms in his seat.

"No, actually,” he shakes his head, leaning into your touch. “Cuz that's just not true.”

Your eyes find each other again.

An apology lingers in the air. Eddie bites his lower lip as he stares, closing the gap between you two with a slight turn of his knee. You explore his dark irises, his wide pupils. When fixated on you, they emit what appears to be sorrow, with just a pinch of regret.

"Sometimes I'm wrong. And I fuck up,” he admits. “Whether I like to admit it or not."

Eddie chugs the remainder of his pint before slamming it.

You shrug. “Yeah. Like when you told me to get off my phone today but stayed on yours the entire time.”

Eddie chuckles away from you.

“Playing music…” you persist, leaning into him a little more. “Texting people…”

“You jealous?” he questions, tongue rolling around in his cheek.

“In your dreams,” you lie.

You’re so close to him now you can practically smell the beer. He inches closer, the front portion of his curly locks tickling the side of your face.

“In your dreams.”

Your thighs clench. In your dreams, indeed. Eddie winks at you like he knows.

“Whatever you say,” you scoff. “Freak.”

———— 🌹————

After dinner, you and Eddie decide to walk around the shopping strip. Eddie walks closest to the street, leaving you on the innermost part of the sidewalk like a gentleman.

“So who’s Wayne? Heard you and Henry talking about him before we left.”

“He's my uncle,” Eddie answers. “Pretty much raised me since I was a kid. I owe a lot to him.”

You continue to walk. Somehow along the way, you and Eddie end up strolling with your arms around each other. He turns to ask,

“Who is Max?”

“Max?” you’re stunned to hear that name roll off his tongue. Despite him helping with her YMCA membership, you had always registered them as being worlds apart from each other. “She’s my sister.”

Eddie slowly nods in understanding.

“Her full name is Maxine,” you explain. “Max for short.”

“No wonder,” Eddie chuckles. “I always hear you mentioning a Max and have been wondering who that is.”

“You jealous?” you echo him.

He sneers, “You wish.”

You take this time to admire Eddie. His wanderlust eyes. His pronounced Cupid’s Bow. His thick, wavy locks. The tiny freckle at the crook of his neck that you were sure a lover left for him in a past life. The way his dark clothes always seem to hug him so nice. He’s breathtaking. The hottest thing you’ve ever seen.

"WHOA!" Eddie brings you back. "That's the hottest shit I've ever seen!"

There he goes again. You race after Eddie as he scampers across the street, leading you to what appears to be a lingerie-slash-sex shop. On display is a beautiful scarlet red two piece with fluffy wings behind it to match.

DEVIL WOMAN, is what the set is advertised as.

"Whew, lord," Eddie whistles, pressing his hands against the plexiglass.

He turns to you desperately.

"You can make SO many tips with this on," Eddie insists. "I'm telling you right now woman, you need to seize this opportunity."

"Are you gonna pay for it?" you joke, batting your lashes seductively.

"Sure!" Eddie exclaims. "A-anything you want tonight, you'll get."

It sounds too good to be true.

"Not you trying to spoil me..."

"Definitely me trying to spoil you,” a sneaky smirk forms across his face yet again. “Especially since I’ve been an asshole lately.”

It’s a fair bargain. Not like you can deny it either.

You two shake hands, deal, and make your merry way inside Madame Sédutrice’s Love Boutique.

Time to make his pockets — and heart — hurt.

————💋 ————

It fits you like a glove.

Everything is just right. There is no free space, but there is some real estate to breathe. The set is also squat and split proof. Perfect for a good show.

You strut in front of the mirror like a Victoria’s Secret Devil, relishing over how well the fiery red set accentuates your bust, hugs your hips, and highlights the cheekiest parts of your ass with just enough coverage to have the men wondering.

To leave Eddie wondering.

You’re parading around some more, taking selfies at all angles while Eddie talks to the cashier about guitars. Eventually he does circle back around, as you've been in here for a long period of time.

"Shy Girl," Eddie checks on you from outside. "Did you die in there?"

You put your phone away.

"No, but you're about to."

He laughs. "I love the confidence. Let me at her."

You pull the curtain over so that Eddie can see.

“Jesus fuck.”

Eddie sinks down to his knees, the tips of his fingers trailing from your hips to your thighs, down to your calves. He’s being dramatic again, you think, evident by the three bows of resignation he gives you as he continues to take in your beauty.

"What do you think?" you ask him.

"Simply out of this world," Eddie gasps. He stands to spin you around like he once did before. "You look... like an absolute fantasy. Destined for some alternate dimension."

His breathing heightens as his rough hands trail down to your birthmark. And soon, you’re up there with him.

“I can already see you on that stage,” Eddie gushes. “Doing your thing, stealing the show, driving customers wild. The spotlight soaking in all your beauty...”

“The version of me living in your head sounds pretty damn cool,” you giggle.

You snake your arms around the nape of his neck. Eddie blushes. “She’s a lot like the girl in front of me, actually.”

Either of you can let go now. But you both don't.

“Wanna get out of here?” he asks.

"Mmm… I don't think I'm done just yet," you bat your eyes once more. "What’s a set like this without some accessories?"

You grab his hand and he watches in shock — almost starstruck by you — when you manually wrap his hand around your neck.

“Like a necklace of sorts,” you continue. “A choker, maybe?”

“A choker,” Eddie nods. “Yeah, I can do that.”

He gives you a teasing, gentle squeeze. You’re an absolute puddle.

He grins at you connivingly, playfully.

"Lead the way, m'lady. Anything you want tonight is yours.”

———— 🔥 ————

Satisfied is an understatement. You’re strutting back to Eddie’s van now as he trails closely behind, hauling shopping bags that belong to you in each hand.

“Thank you Eddie,” you say as he manages to open the door for you too.

“Anytime, Princess,” he insists.

You get settled on the passenger side while Eddie starts the van back up again. He waits for a while in his seat.

“You looked stunning in that piece,” Eddie raves, the image of you strutting around still living in his head. “I almost don’t want you to wear it anymore.”

You raise an eyebrow. “What? Why?”

“I wanna be the only one who gets to see you in it,” he explains.

“Gatekeeper much?”

“No, I’m just selfish,” he says. “Especially when you look like that.”

Eddie takes it upon himself to fasten your seatbelt for you.

Your eyes trail along as he clicks it in place, adjusting the seatbelt so that it laid perfectly and untangled, protecting your hips…shielding your chest…

“My eyes only, you know?”

“Just yours?”

“Mhm,” he strains. “Mine and only mine.”

His gentle eyes are begging, glued to your lips like bees to honey. His tongue pokes out again, and you watch as he licks his lips in lust. Fuck. You can’t help it anymore. You decide to lean into him and try again.

But hostile air stops you in your place. There's fear in that man's eyes the closer you get and he pulls away from you.

OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE.

You swat the rest of him away. “You’re doing it again.”

Eddie sighs in defeat.

"I know."

The fact that you didn’t have to elaborate is very telling. Eddie is not stupid. He knows the game he’s playing.

You watch with zero sympathy this time as Eddie pinches the bridge of his nose in exasperation. He lifts a hand. You flinch. Then you relax again when you realize the man isn’t trying to hit you.

“I’m VERY aware of what I’m doing, Hargrove. Okay? That’s the worst part.”

“And you think it’s okay? You like stringing me along, is that it?”

“There’s MORE TO IT, alright?” he groans. “I just don’t know how to explain it to you just yet.”

Eddie starts up again.

“I…” he says, his haunted eyes sparkling. “I just. CAN’T. get. involved. with a coworker. Let alone someone who works under me. Think of all the legal issues that can rise up.”

Bullshit.

“That is a FUCKING LIE!” you scream. “A fucking LIE, Eddie and you know how I know that?”

He looks back over at you.

“It’s because you didn’t think twice about it when you were hooking up with Chrissy.”

You’ve had enough of his excuses. Startled, Eddie shies away from you, surprised that you knew of what he so desperately wanted to conceal.

“Who told you that?”

“Who else would know?”

“Everyone at Hellfire, basically,” Eddie laughs pettily. “I just hoped it wouldn’t get around to you.”

Frustrated, Eddie turns off his car. He tosses his keys onto the center console between you both.

“Chrissy and I happened like two or three times. Is that what you wanted to hear?” he asks you. “She was horny, I was horny. She never gave me the time of day in high school so I got all excited. One thing led to another. Thrill eventually wore off. Now she’s just one of my good friends.”

You cross your arms and glare out the window.

“But the reason I was soooo okay with the Chrissy thing is because I only saw her as a fling,” Eddie continues. “End of story.”

“Where exactly are you going with this?”

“The difference with you is that a part of me actually wanted this to go somewhere.”

Does he think you’re stupid? Surely Eddie can’t think you’re just going to fall for his words instead of his actions.

You scoff. “You’re being ridiculous.”

“Am I?”

You muster up the courage to look over at him again. And there he is, his big brown doe eyes glimmering under the full moon.

“I’ve never met anyone like you before, Hargrove,” he mumbles softly. “That shit’s terrifying. For the first time in an incredibly long time I feel like someone gets me.”

You attempt to look away again. Eddie cranes his neck over towards you to meet you where you’re at.

“Someone who gets what it’s like to have a shitty, absent father,” Eddie continues. “Someone who also had to learn how to navigate grief before getting a fucking learner’s permit.”

“You can stop,” you choke. “I get the picture.”

But Eddie continues.

“…Someone who also has to be the bread-winner of the family, not by choice, but by necessity. And someone whose now got a shit ton of trust issues cuz somebody else had to go and fuck ‘em up THAT badly.”

Your throat begins to burn. A soul cry marinates at the pit of your stomach.

"I'm so infatuated with you, Hargrove,” your boss insists. “Okay? You have no idea.”

You tsk.

“You’re infatuated with me,” it’s more of a statement than a question of yours. “Yet you push me away.”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “Oh, come on, like you don’t have trouble accepting things you so rightfully deserve?”

He reaches over to grab your hand. You let him.

"There's nothing scarier than falling for someone who is your literal mirror," Eddie whispers. "Especially when you don't like anything about yourself."

“I know.”

You two fall silent and end up staring ahead for quite some time.

Both of you observe a couple cross the street together. The smitten pair are taking a stroll on the sidewalk, hand in hand and falling into one another like missing puzzle pieces. The guy kisses the girl's forehead, his silhouette reminding you so much of Steve.

“I also didn’t wanna get in between you and Harrington," Eddie mumbles.

“I told you we’re just fuck buddies.”

“But he really, really likes you.”

“Yeah, but if he’s not over Nancy, then what’s the point?”

It’s been a decade since Steve and Nancy broke up and he’s still lovesick over her. When you realized that she couldn’t ever be replaced, you stopped trying to pursue Steve romantically. Eddie falls mute again.

"I'm just his lil pocket pussy for all I know," you break the ice with a laugh.

"Don't say that," Eddie disapproves. "You are more than your body, Shy Girl."

“Then tell me what I am, Eddie,” the wounded part of you speaks. “Since I don’t seem to know.”

His gaze softens. “Well, it’s easy.”

You look at him.

"Corn ball alert,” Eddie prefaces. “But you’re the conversations you have with your regulars, asking them about their day and if they have any updates for you… You're the friendships you make with girls that you don't see a need to compete with. And you're that silly little dance you do when Argyle makes you food. And you’re also the destructive parts of yourself that you keep hiding from but little do you know that even those parts of you tell a story."

The sound of police sirens divert your attention. You shudder at the noise. Eddie seemingly makes note of it and clears his throat as a placeholder.

"…I didn't think you paid attention to any of that, Eds."

"I'm more observant than you think."

You believe him. After all, there are instances when you catch him sneaking a glance at you, turning away too late because you’re caught by his eyes to do the same.

A sigh escapes your body. You interlock your fingers with his.

“I don’t know what... this… is,” you begin. “But all I know is that I really enjoy your company. And that I’ve had a crush on you since the day I met you. If it wasn't obvious already."

Eddie snorts. “Even when I was freaking out over kegs and ground chili?”

“Especially when you were freaking out over kegs and ground chili.”

And now forgiveness is in the air. Monkey see, monkey do, and soon both you and Eddie are grinning at each other from one side of your faces to the other.

“Please,” Eddie requests politely with a gulp. “Will you let me kiss you?”

“Yes.”

To your surprise, Eddie leaves a peck on your cheek out of all places. This fucker, still so polite. He doesn’t touch or graze anywhere else while he does.

“Thanks,” he says as he pulls away. “I guess.”

But you only want him closer now.

“Oh don’t be stupid,” you giggle grabbing his face with both your hands. “Just fucking kiss me.”

You rest your hands at his chin when you pull him closer. And with Eddie’s permission, you sink your lips onto his. His warm breath circles you as your lips attach to one another.

There’s no turning back now.

Eddie’s lips are as soft as a cloud, and they seem to know yours very well. When he’s latched on, Eddie synchronizes with your rhythm almost immediately, getting a few more kisses in before his tongue begs you for entrance. You deny him access and push him back.

“Oooh,” you taunt him, causing him to laugh. “Someone likes me.”

“Maybe,” Eddie blushes, cupping the side of your face with one of his rigid hands. He gives the back of your head an endearing little scratch.

“But you…can’t get involved huh?”

Eddie shakes his head, doing his very best to stand his ground. He’s back to staring at your lips. “No. Definitely can’t…get involved.”

Of course not.

“Not even if I do this?”

You swoop over to press down on the button of Eddie’s seat belt to unbuckle it. Click. He restrains himself, but there’s wonder in his eyes.

“Or this?��

Your hands travel to the side furthest from you as you lean to crank the lever, lowering the head of Eddie’s driver seat to a 30 degree angle.

Amused now, he furrows his brows together and rests his hands behind his head, manspreading as you play that agonizingly long game.

“You’re pushing it, Hargrove…”

Using his unavailable hands to your advantage, you climb over him and assert yourself on his lap. A low groan escapes Eddie’s nose. You make sure to strategically situate yourself right on his crotch. Eddie’s breath hitches, hand hovering over your birthmark as you sink those hips into him. He bucks his up in return, trying to keep up with you.

“What about this?”

“Oh, that’s not fair…”

His hands are back at your waist.

A protruding essence grows in size as you continue to ride Eddie’s thigh. Soft, low whimpers escape from his chest, his dark eyes now beseeching at his mercy. Eddie’s fingers curl, enclosing themselves tightly around the fabric of your baby tee. His available hand gnaws at the seat below him.

“I don’t like playing fair,” you whisper huskily. “I just like getting even.”

Both of yours eyes are glued to what you’re doing, where you’re grinding, and how.

“Why do you do this to me?” he whispers longingly.

“I think it’s safe to say that you’ve been edging me for quite some time, Munson,” you shrug angelically. “Now it’s my turn to give you a taste of—”

You squeal suddenly when Eddie’s hand flies to your throat. The grip he has on you tightens hastily, long before you can even process it.

Shock overpowers you as Eddie studies you eagerly, with flared nostrils and a hot chest. You peer down at him with glossy eyes and yearning lips.

“Back of the van,” Eddie orders. “Now.”

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tag list: @battymunson , @the-fairy-anon, @ali-r3n, @corrodedcoffincumslut, @bebe07011, @mmunson86 , @eddiesguitarskills , @chelebelletx , @imonhereforareasonsadly , @eddies-trailer-babe @hideoutside , @motherfckerrr , @jxpsi , @munson-magic , @lindseyj23, @sidthedollface2 , @manda-panda-monium , @elvendria , @micheledawn1975 , @hereforshmut , @siriuslysmoking , @nymphetkoo , @m-chmcl-rmnc , @holabeans00, @ahoyyharrington , @keepittoyourselftellnobodyelse

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author's note: i'd be lying if i told you guys i didn't play imaginary barbies in my head in order to map out the argument between eddie and shy girl dfsjklfdkgfgsg would you say I’m a puppet master?

[kimberlygbart]

Role Swap AU Masterpost

If you're old enough in my blog then you remember [this]

Yeah in the end I never even updated that, it's almost a year since the mod was actually released but hey I'm here!

This also might be the last post regarding the AU. It's over fr, I've reached my dream in wanting to release a mod of it and getting fanart sooo yay, the AU is done for, but dw! I've kept Whitmore, turned him into an OC.

If I don't forget to post again lol Y'all will see more of him!

Anyways here is the mod!!!

Above it's all art I've made for it alongside a GIF :P

And below the cut, you will find more links, such as gameplay and all the music! INCLUDING the full-ass complete lore of the AU!

ya that's right!! Community game played my game ain't that crazy! Okay so here is all you need to know:

This is an AU where Whitty (now who's referred as Whitmore as his last name only) and Updike (Gabriel in this AU, he doesn't know his last name or anything since he was abandoned) switch places. ONLY they do in this AU, all others stay the same. Conrad Whitmore was raised by The Greater Good (similar concept to SCP) after being found in abandoned and crashed down lab as a doomsday experiment. TGG saw him as an useful tool Being fed well and trained since childhood, he's naturally taller and bigger than average Whitty. Also more tired. Just because Conrad had a good childhood doesn't mean he was free of trauma btw ☝ He had many experiments done on him such as vivisectomy, endoscopy and multiple blood tests and even organ removals, however he was often manipulated by TGG into doing this of free will, ever since as a kid.

For those who ask "well what about Carol? Does she still date the Whitty from this universe?" yes she did! Hex and Carol are/were still Conrad's closest people he has had in his life But Carol eventually broke up with Conrad once she learnt the true nature of his job. A big rift developes between them, with her trying to desperately convince him TGG is not the better solution it claims to be, while Conrad defends it with his life for is the only thing he knows. Their fights escalate a lot, until she visits him in his office. Needless to say it didn't go well.

I have an animatic as well! In a resume, their (verbal) fights gets him so agitated, he enters his ballistic stage where he hasn't felt that in years besides while a kid. And during his rage he pulls the trigger while Carol calls him names (monster being one). TGG covers the crime, the lyrics are important btw!

This all happened when Conrad was 21, Carol's death is tragic enough he enter a depressive episode + is taken back to his 'original bunker house' (where he was raised) by TGG for 5 years for reevaluation. Hex is the only one who knows what happened because Conrad told him. That's pretty much the lore? I think? UH anywasy tldr I became so attached to Conrad I've scrapped the 'swap' alternate reality of it and turned him into Whitty's twin brother (and Carol isn't dead there).

Also out of respect for Sock.Clip, Gabriel, or TGG no longer exists, I'm just dumping this here to be registered in my tumblr since it was the only social media I never uploaded the lore of my AU completely. But yes, swap whitty is fully dead, ofc ppl can make art for it duh, I just mean I won't be making content of it ever again, Conrad instead is being brought to the 'original' fnf world, and will be currently Whitty's twin, but his lore or story has been completely rebooted.

Thank you for reading all this damn ur a true homie!!!

[callmebrycelee]

9-1-1 REACTION

These are my confessions, just when I thought that I was starting to fall in love, my boyfriend unceremoniously decided to dump me.

After a week off and a presidential election that felt like a season of American Horror Story, we finally got a new episode of the gay firefighter show. Unfortunately I was spoiled by the episode's ending courtesy of Tumblr but nothing could've ever prepared me for how infuriating things would get. But, I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's start at the beginning. This reaction is for the season 8, sixth episode "Confessions" which originally aired November 7th, 2024. The episode was written by Andrew Meyers and directed by Life Goes On and Pretty Little Liars actor, Chad Lowe! Spoilers ahead!

Best plot?

This week's episode focuses on a handful of our main characters. We finally get some time with Eddie and we get a bonkers storyline involving Buck and Tommy. However, it is Maddie and Chimney's plot that is my favorite. A few episodes ago, Hen and Karen regained custody of Mara which means Jee-Yun is back to being an only child. Maddie laments that Jee-Yun is having trouble adjusting to a life where Mara isn't her big sister anymore even though the two see quite a bit of each other. She suggests having a second child but Chimney has some trepidation about having another kid.  During an emergency involving a little kid getting stuck in a drain pipe a la "Eddie Begins", Chimney consoles his older brother who blames himself for his little brother wandering off and winding up in a dangerous situation. The little boy (played by Tiberius Byrd) volunteers himself to be lowered down in the pipe so he can pull his absolutely adorable baby brother out of the drain. Afterwards, Chimney warms to the idea of having a little brother or sister for Jee-Yun.

In their final scene, Chimney and Maddie have a raw and open conversation regarding their concerns about having another child. Chimney tearfully tells Maddie that if she is ever feeling sad or overwhelmed, she needs to come to him. She doesn't get to leave or try to figure it out on her own. He asks for total and complete transparency. Wow! I think we sometimes forget that while Maddie is a trauma magnet, Chimney has been right there since the beginning experiencing those tragedies with her. He went through the Doug situation with her. He spent six months raising Jee-Yun on his own while looking for Maddie. For him, having another child could send Maddie back down that same dark path again.

Now Maddie has some conditions of her own. She tells Chimney that they can't go into her pregnancy acting like she's broken. Oh, and yes you read that correctly. Maddie is pregnant! Yay!!! This is the best thing to come out of the episode and it makes me excited for this couple. Hopefully this time around, things will be much better for them.

Best emergency sequence?

We got three emergency sequences this episode but the best by far is the one involving veteran actor Jonathan Silverman. The Weekend at Bernie's and more recently Goosebumps actor plays a man named Walter Schaffer who is in the middle of a nasty divorce. His soon-to-be ex-wife, Liza Schaffer (played by Silverman's real-life wife Jennifer Finnigan) points out that Walter sneezes when he's lying and Walter has been sneezing a LOT! As things reach a boiling point between the two, Walter lets out one last sneeze which causes his stomach to split open and his guts to fall out. I really wish I could've taken a picture of my mom when this happened, She hasn't been this horrified by a 9-1-1 show since Owen Strand decided to perform CPR on a man frozen solid by his cryotherapy chamber. 

This whole scene is mostly played for laughs even though Walter has been eviscerated. After last episode's gut-wrenching accident involving Denny Wilson, it was nice to have a low stakes emergency. Also, it was good to see Jonathan Silverman. I love when they bring veteran actors in to have them perform these small roles. It's one of the reasons I like Ryan Murphy shows so much. He always pays homage to the legends. Oh, and Walter is okay. Even though he spilled his guts, he's still a creep! You made the right decision, Liza!

Episode MVP?

This was a tough one. None of our main characters did anything particularly outstanding this week. This episode is giving filler but I still enjoyed it. However, since I do need to pick someone to be this week's MVP, I'm going to choose everyone's favorite dispatcher - Josh Russo. Josh mostly serves as comic relief in this series but I thought what he had to say to Buck was particularly noteworthy. As someone who is part of the pre-Glee world. I relate so hard to what people like Josh and Tommy have gone through as gay men. I graduated in the early-2000s and even though life was much improved for LGBTQ+ people than let's say the 70s, 80s, and 90s, I still didn't feel comfortable coming out until my late-20's. Buck's coming out was so simple and much of that is due in part to the queer people that came before him. I'm sure someone like Josh had a difficult time prior to coming out and Tommy went as far as getting into a serious relationship with a woman before he finally made the decision to come out. Had the end of this episode gone a lot differently, I think Josh's monologue would be even better. I also love that he called Buck in instead of calling him out. I wish we got more scenes with Josh and Buck because as of right now they are the only two queer male characters on the show. 

 BuckTommy Corner

I've been dreading writing this part of the reaction mostly because it might be the last BuckTommy Corner we ever get. A lot of fellow shippers online seem to think that we may see Buck and Tommy reunite but the ending of this episode has me convinced that we aren't getting the BuckTommy endgame many of you have been asking for since the two first touched lips. Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself again.

After last episode's stellar development of Buck and Tommy's relationship, this episode's writer decided to burn it all down. Our first scene between Buck and Tommy finds them back where it all began. It's their six-month anniversary and Tommy has gotten Buck basketball tickets. Things seem to be going swimmingly between the two of them until some hot blonde comes over and asks Buck to take a picture of her and her friends. Buck seems very awkward by the situation but Tommy assures him it's okay for him to find other women attractive. Whew! Crisis averted! I was so sure this was going to be the conflict of the episode.

Then we get Tommy admitting to Buck that he is a Kinsey scale six which means he's g-g-gay ... even though once upon a time he was engaged to a 9-1-1 dispatcher with the most amazing hair. Yes, folks, Tommy Kinard was engaged to Abby Clark. Tommy mentions that after he ended things, Abby went on to date a himbo. Buck is completely shooketh by this revelation and goes to his sister for advice. This is where we get the fantastic monologue from Josh. Buck decides to come clean to Tommy and figures that this changes nothing about their relationship.

Tommy apologizes for calling Buck a himbo and the latter asks Tommy to move in with him. Then everything goes to absolute shit. Tommy spouts some bullshit about being Buck's first (male) relationship but he will not be his last. Tommy says he doesn't want to get his heart broken again and then throws up the deuces to a very confused Buck. I'm sorry, y'all! What in the absolute hell just happened! I don't know who that man was. I know he looked like Lou Ferrigno Jr. playing Tommy Kinard but it's like some alien took over Tommy's body during this scene. This is not the same man we have gotten to know over the few seasons. Yes, Tommy did have some reservations about getting into a relationship with Buck so soon after his coming out but they squashed all of that way back in 7x05. Since then, these two have been building something amazing only to have it blown up so unceremoniously at the end of this episode.

Now, as I mentioned prior, the ending to this episode was spoiled. After learning about the breakup, I immediately went to the BuckTommy Reddit and learned that others were as similarly confused as I was. To make matters worse, it appears that Lou Ferrigno Jr, is as equally flummoxed by the decision to end things as the viewers, which is not a good look for the show. Why give us all that development in "Masks" only for Tommy to exit stage left. Thankfully, Lou announced that he will be returning to S.W.A.T. so I'm comforted that I will get to see him again in a skin-tight black T-shirt. One thing I will say about Lou is the man stays working. Check out his IMDb. He may not be the series lead but he stays working and he will continue to work because he seems to be an extremely competent and professional actor. 

The end of this episode left a bad taste in my mouth and I'm not just saying that because of the BuckTommy breakup. I've somewhat suspected that things have not been good with this show for a very long time but as long as I got scenes with Buck and Tommy, I was willing to keep going. This show is in its eighth season and we keep putting these characters through the same paces. Eddie's still trying to figure out how to be a good dad to Christopher seven seasons later. Maybe the show is getting a bit stale? I dunno. This episode just felt less fun for some reason. Perhaps I need to watch it again.

With that said, I will continue to watch 9-1-1 because I do love the characters on this show and the actors that play them. Oh, and by the way, please do not give Lou or Oliver any hate for simply playing what was written for them. Also, a lot of you are upset with Oliver and calling him biphobic. Now, do I think he said some problematic things in the last interview he did? Yes. Do I think he needs to be nailed to the cross for it? Absolutely not! I think we as viewers and members of the LGBTQ+ community need to take a page out of the Book of Josh and start calling people in instead of calling people out. We are very reactionary people and I totally get it. Being part of a marginalized group (or two, or three) especially here in America is rough and we find ways to protect ourselves to prevent harm from being inflicted on us. With that said, I believe it is quite possible to take an ally to task without potentially alienating them. As an elder, millennial gay, I think that's something we can all get better at! Until next time ...

[bottle-of-newts]

Heyo, small disclaimer here, this is a Star Rail lore/theory dump abt the Rating Pistol Curio with A LOT of spoilers. Most of them are from the Penacony storyline, but there might be a few major ones from the Xianzhou Loufu arc. Most of them are Penacony 2.1 and 2.2 tho so if you aren't there yet I do not suggest reading under the cut!!! Ty <33

Those of you interested, buckle up y'all, it's a long one.

Okay, so I was feeling a little silly while doing my daily quest on the space station and decided to rate (with the Rating Pistol curio) my main team, which consists of Acheron, Pela, Sampo and Luocha.

So you could imagine my surprise when it only gave me a number per usual for one character, that being Pela. (She was like a 98 or something)

Instead, for Acheron, Sampo, and Luocha, it gave me this:

The same message, everytime, no matter what I did. I can't say I was very surprised abt Acheron - I mean, she's an Emanator of Nihility. Of course she's probably gonna get a weird response. Who intrigued me the most, was Sampo. Why was he getting such a weird rating like Acheron and Luocha (who we know quite literally nothing abt from the game itself, only some theroies from past Honkai installments)? Was it because he's a Masked Fool?

Well lucky for me, I have Sparkle, so I decided to see if that was the case.

No dice, it gave me the standard response. The character's name, and a seemingly random number that, from what I can tell, never changes. I decided to try the Trailblazer next, thinking the Stellaron they carry might have some kind of influence on the score, but I got pretty much the same result. The name I gave, and a seemingly random number. (84, if you're curious to see if it's the same on all accounts.)

So, I decided to run down the roster of all the characters I own, and came up with 4 other different ratings among my 34 characters.

First hit was Huo Huo, likely the Pistol discerning her and Tail as two separate but very closely tied entities...or just digging on the poor girl because that's just Hoyo's favorite thing to do I guess.

Second hit was Clara - which makes sense considering it seems to have done something similar to HuoHuo and Tail. It read both Clara and Svarog. Who's score is who's however, I cannot tell. I wouldn't be surprised if Hoyo has a random number generator they use and just assign a character a number.

Third hit was Dan Heng's. This one wasn't really a surprise considering the whole Imbibitor Lunae thing. I wish I had Dan Heng - Imbibitor Lunae though, cause now I'm curious to see the rating it gives him, and if it's the same or not. If anyone has him and is willing please reblog or send me a ss of the response!! I'm super curious!!

The last hit though probably surprised me the most. I was expecting Tingyun, Misha, or maybe even Gallagher to have a hit of some kind, even if it wasn't as major as "Rating Invalid." Just something to indicate confusion at either Misha not even being real, or Tingyun being a puppet of Phantilya and likely not the real Tingyun (I'm coping shut up).

No no, instead my 4th hit was none other than -

March 7th.

This actually really shocked me at first. Why in the world is sweet March 7th getting a similar rating to an Emanator??? Of Nihility at that?? And then it hit me.

March 7th's companion quest.

The majority of the quest is March 7th and Fu Xuan using the Matrix of Prescience to search March's mind for her lost memories, trying to see if maybe they're simply blocked by trauma response or if they've been tampered with. They find out someone has indeed tampered with her memories after all, and it's not just some random bad guy either. It's the Garden of Recollection themselves. And they are insistent on March not digging any deeper into her memories, claiming it doesn't matter to her anymore, what matters is who she is as a person right now.

And considering the rating and who she shares that rating with - talk about suspicious. I don't think it has to do with her amnesia, while she does share memory problems with Acheron, there is nothing to indicate Sampo or Luocha suffer anything similar. Another thing is - the Rating Pistol never says any of their names, hinting that maybe that's another thing they share with Acheron - a fake name, or an alias...and if you know even a little about past Honkai lore like I do (and the stuff ik surrounds Welt) then you know that possibly implicates Luocha.

So what could this all mean?

I think it could mean a multitude of things. Considering we don't know exactly how the Rating Pistol's score works, it makes it difficult to know it's criteria, especially since I don't have quite a few characters that have a possibility to give us a better understanding. Characters like Blade, Jingliu, Imbibitor Lunae, two essentially undead powerhouses and the reincarnation of a former High Elder, or even Topaz and Aventurine, two of the Ten Stonehearts. (Again if anyone is willing to ss the Rating Pistol's response to any of these characters and reblog, please do!!! I'd love to hear your two cents on the matter too <33)

But what we can tell is it seems to recognize a certain level of power. Which only makes this more confusing - because if that's the case why is an intelligence officer like Pela getting a 98 for a score while Boothill, a Galaxy Ranger with a hefty bounty on his getting a 44?? But, putting aside the Curio for a second, let's look at what the 3 share in common along with Acheron.

Mystery. We know nothing about March prior to the Express, we know next to nothing about Luocha besides that he doesn't seem to be a fan of the Abundance and there is something or someone wicked weird in that coffin - and all we know for sure about Sampo is he's a Masked Fool. Otherwise, we don't know shit about the guy.

( There's a lot of theories the guy isn't even from Jarilo VI after Topaz's trailer, and I can't say I blame them. The whole Masked Fool reveal and him leaving his Mask at the Tavern isn't helpful either. Maybe Belobog was a place for him to lay low, not his homeworld. Either way, he's likely left the planet at some point.)

What I honestly think is that maybe the Emanator of Elation! Sampo theories may hold a little more merit than I thought. I can't say I support the theory for sure, but this along with Sparkle asking him if something bad is coming to Jarilo VI once he asks for his Mask back...certainly does hint at the fact man is quite a bit stronger than he acts. He is a Masked Fool, I suppose. Acting is kinda their schtick.

But that doesn't mean March 7th or Luocha are Emanators either - only that they definitely possess power - power likely close to an equal level with an Emanator, whether they know it or not. Besides, I struggle to think of any path Luocha could follow, unless he was somehow made an Emanator of Abundance against his will, and his hunt for the Aeon is so he can be free of being tied to the path. But March doesn't entirely show much evidence of being an Emanator. In fact there's nothing really specific that points to anything about her past identity.

All we know is she definitely holds more power than what she currently uses, and what kind of power that is exactly is something we'll have to wait and find out, unfortunately, just like we do with Sampo and Luocha.

Anyways, thank you for reading my longass rant, if you enjoyed it or have something to add please please PLEASE comment or reblog/tell me in the tags or SOMETHING, I love talking abt lore with other people and learning stuff abt some of my favorite stories <33

[lunarw0rks]

Old Bones | Chapter Six

Summary: After fleeing a toxic relationship, you fear for your safety and hire a bodyguard. He's masked, impassible, and damn good at what he does.

Warning(s): trauma/PTSD themes, talk of death, implied past abuse, gun mention

Word Count: 2.3k

A/N: hope this doesn't seem too much like filler... I'm trying to build the tension 〒_〒 (not entirely proofread!)

꒦꒷ MAIN MASTERLIST ꒷꒦ GHOST MASTERLIST // have a request? ♡¸.•*' ⋆ ⚘ 🕊 ˚✧ ₊˚ʚ prev. chapter | next chapter | ao3 ver. | playlist ꒦꒷ O.B MASTERLIST

Trust Me

The air, once tinged with the warmth of fallen leaves and the gentle aroma of pine, now carried a crisp chill.

You were determined to build a tolerance to the cold considering the cold showed no signs of mercy, blessing you with all the time in the world to stay sharp on your shooting. Nearly every piece of bark had a bullet hole by now, some months old, others still smoking—one of the only benefits of your new isolation.

Winter's icy brush coated your nose and cheeks, seeping through the only thick pair of jeans you had left. Knelt in the snow, trying your hand at one of the hunting rifles left behind.

The dusty scope roamed over the frozen lake in the distance, then through the path of the maimed trees. ‘Deep breath, squeeze, eject the cartridge’, he’d told you once. Those days of learning how to shoot at the crack of dawn were finally working in your favor.

A sharp inhale, a stiffened finger squeezes the trigger, and then—

“You’re still playing cowboy?” The only view through the scope is his sleeve now, rendering the shot you had lined up useless. With a pursed lip, you set the rifle down in the snow next to you, now taking a stand beside him.

Simon’s holding a stuffed bag of the month’s rations; some canned goods, fresh bread, and probably more of that goddamn tea you hate. At least lately, he scrounged up a few spare dollars for a pack of soda.

He dumps the six-pack of soda into the lump of snow beside you. You wanted it, you carry it in.

You grab the pack by the yokes and follow him inside the cabin. “You mind telling me the next step in all this?” You ask, fishing through the paper bag of goods.

When he looks like he's about to sulk and deflect, you cut him off. “Don’t lie to me, Simon. You’ve been even deeper in your laptop the past few weeks.” Your brow is pitched, and he knows he’s been cornered again. He was making plans; plans he knew you had a right to know about.

Simon inhales deeply and places down the cold cuts occupying his fingers, now fiddling with the tassels of the tablecloth.

“He hasn’t moved, but his dogs have. But they won’t find us here, it’s too covert.” The roughened consonants of his accent bounced off the hum of the refrigerator.

There was some unsettling comfort; a hideout with so much solitude, not even hired guns knew about it. “Well, what does that mean for me?”

“Means you’re staying here until he shows his hand. When he does, I’ll be prepared, and then we can move on with our lives. How’s that?”

You scoffed dismissively, finishing it off with a subtle eye roll. “You seem pretty confident about that, considering you haven’t met him. If I know Cal, he’s not going to show his hand until he sees me.”

“He won’t have to see you. That bogus court date is coming up, he’s desperate.” Simon declares, releasing the fist that had formed around the tassels. “You don’t need to know the bloody details, it’s nothing nice.”

Nothing nice. He’d said that before, more times than you can count. As if you weren’t reasonably aware of that by now—all the grisly things you’ve seen him do.

“The only way he’ll show himself…” You began, balling your fists at your side in apprehension for the plan of your own you’d conjured. After a few seconds of weighing up, you finished. “He’ll need to see me.”

“No.” His voice wavers, but his tone is stubborn. “I’m too involved now, ’s on me. You’re not doing it, that’s final.”

The shambles of a faulty plan; broken bodies littered everywhere, and the enemy has the upper hand again. The last time he failed a mission—the last time he hesitated—he failed that helpless woman. 

That picture of her corpse cauterized into his psyche; that was his penance.

Behind his eyes were a thousand more pictures of the other people he’d failed. The next one wasn’t going to be you. Simon would never hesitate again.

“Just,” he returns, now a downcast mutter, “trust me.”

—

The fire crackled and danced in the stone fireplace, casting a warm, golden glow that illuminated the rustic interior. The scent of burning wood wafted through the air, distracting you from the cloak of tension draped around your shoulders, ever since you’d arrived here.

Cal invariably got what he wanted. Here you sat, in forced isolation, while his only thought of you is when you’ll be in the cold ground. He was free, and you felt like you were already dead.

Unspoken words hung heavy; the quiet crackling of the flames were the only words, practically mocking your motionless lips. And Simon, remained idle in the corner, still deep in his research, a mind overeaten with venomous determination.

The flames cast shadows on the walls, like a satirical illustration; one brooding figure slowly consumed by the blaze, while the opposing was alone, with your head dipped into your lap—a redundant nightly ritual of late.

Simon’s gaze had exhaustion written all over it when he finally closed the screen, walking sluggishly a few feet until he reached the soda, fisting his newly poured glass of bourbon.

You looked over, he’d tore your attention off the third re-read of the book you’d packed. That, you could thank him for, at least. Any longer, and the book would’ve been thrown into the fire. He was playing with the button of his lighter—igniting it and snuffing it repeatedly.

After his thumb grew sore, he began to hover it over the flame in a sweeping motion, maintaining his hypnotized stare on it the entire time.

“Doesn’t that hurt?” You asked, setting the tiresome novel aside.

Despite the audible sizzle you could hear, he shook his head, then held the lighter out. “Try it. Doesn’t hurt ‘s long as you’re quick.”

You held out your thumb, combing it along the small flame in a quick swipe.

The fire licked at the callouses of your finger, and it only pricked at the sensitive pores for a few seconds after. It was a bizarre way of bonding, but so was the rest of this situation. Playing with fire remained near the bottom of your worry list.

He flipped the cap back onto it and returned it to his coat pocket, looking down at his drink like he had a thousand words daring his clothed lips. God knows he had a thousand awful thoughts already, and now on top of it—he was fighting the urge to share them.

Simon was good friends with the look of loneliness, but it was in your best interest, he repeated to himself.

In spite of his efforts to keep you safe, he feels he’s been nothing but a magnet for danger. He was a different man than he was during his years of service, but the reflection of failure in the mirror handed changed—it clung onto him as deep as his desire to protect, which was all Simon had left.

Every small look of loneliness, or the desire to know more, it dared to tip the delicate balance he’d carried. For so many years, nothing was personal to him. Job to job, contract to contract, the blood he’d drawn.

Still, in the here and now, that look of damage, it was the same as that woman, the same as his own, the same one his mother had for so many years.

You knew what he had to do, and why. It was a contract, nothing more.

That didn’t change how you felt about it; Cal was still a big part of your life, a person you were planning to share your life with. There were still tender moments, even if you knew now they were a disguise—in the moment, your heart believed him, and still, was scarred in the shape of him.

You could play yourself up, imagine yourself inflicting the same pain on him, but it wouldn’t fix the scars that covered you—some internal, some physical. Nothing would; not time, not Simon, only you.

The crackling continued, filling the tense air for a few minutes, before Simon finally spoke. Once again, limited words hiding a hundred more.

“You’re better than him.” He was right, but it was a hard truth to believe, no matter how blunt he could be.

You ran your fingertips over the oak coffee table, “I know.” Just like he’d said on the roof top—though, veiled with more doubtfulness.

That stubbornness that comes from pain—something he of all people couldn’t judge you for. His showed more in a desire to destroy things, while yours bled through in words, at least when he was around.

“You are.” He insisted, but he wasn’t forcing you to believe it. He wasn’t going to fuss and cry until you did, that wasn't within his list of expertise.

The finger once tracing the veins of the wood had come to a stop, returning to your lap. You nodded slowly, thoughts shifting from Cal to Simon, the only person you had right now.

For a man so adept at isolating himself, he was showing tenderness.

Perhaps, it was to prevent you from jumping off the roof, but regardless, it brought you solace. Amidst his blunt demeanor were advantages—you knew he wasn’t lying to you, no matter how strange compassion looked on him.

You had to move, or do something, or you’d risk showing too much of yourself. It was clear, at least to you, that was off the table.

“I think… I’ll go for a walk.” Anything to avoid the vulnerability—a choice you were sure he was thanking you for, judging by the tension in his shoulders right now.

An outsider looking in might think it was unhealthy, but Simon was not a man that needed words. If he’d crossed a line, he would’ve known the second he said it.

You were just deep in thoughts, nothing more to it. You, of all people, had earned that right in his eyes.

Within minutes you were out the door, swimming in the spare winter jacket he lent you. You started down the path, the one that once you were past the cottages, led to the stream.

Along the way, you could spot the trees that fell victim to your target practice; they were your guide, despite the fact you could hear Simon’s footsteps tailing you. Months before, he was so stealthy you didn’t notice them, but now you’d learned to sense his eyes on you.

It didn’t matter how isolated you were, this was still his job.

When you reached the frozen lake, it mirrored the cloudless sky above; motionless and as smooth as glass. The only sound was your frosty breaths, then the occasional groaning of ancient trees and the soft hush of the wind.

It seemed absurd, as if taken straight out of a cliché movie scene, yet you extended your hand, sensing the snowflakes dissolve in the warmth of your palm. It was a stark contrast to the flame that had been so close just moments ago.

In the most literal sense, you were both the essence of hot and cold.

While one of you was consumed with fiery rage, toying with flames; you were filled with bitterness, playing with the wintery cascade falling around you.

In contrast to the past, his vigilant gaze no longer bothered you; it was a source of certainty. The thought of being stranded here alone filled you with uncertainty, and you questioned your ability to endure it, especially if it was his absence you had to face.

You turned to face him; stood on the ice with his hands stuffed in his pockets tastelessly. In his thoughts, he was thinking about what he’d said, how he was going to make sure you weren’t damned to the same torture he was.

What he was going to do, planning to do, he couldn’t tell you. He couldn’t stress it enough, how much it was eating at him. What if he couldn’t pull it off? If he’d failed you?

There was nothing he could do in the present, not until Cal showed his hand. Nothing he could do but make sure you knew he was there, even if he might not be when duty calls him, and possibly leave him to face the inevitable end alone.

After a few seconds of contemplation, he was sure now; Cal was going to die, even if that meant he had to.

“You being here, it means a lot.” You found your voice again, careful not to slip as you stepped closer to him. You didn’t mean his protection, you meant his human side—the one he was so reluctant to show before. This road was coming to an end, it was obvious.

Part of him is clueless to your social cues, while the other can’t accept the praise. He scoffs in an acknowledging manner, as if to physically dismiss it, “you paid me. I have to be.”

“That’s not what I meant.” You replied, this being the closest you’ve been in months.

“I know.” He said it again. This wasn’t him, it never was, but he didn’t want to move. Though his instinct urged him to distance himself, he remained close, casting a rugged shadow on your vulnerable state.

He kept his breath steady, as his phone started to vibrate inside of his pocket.

The moment of tension was cut short with the sudden interruption, allowing him an excuse to withdraw from the close proximity. He took a look at the screen, then met your gaze again, this time a few steps back. “We should get back.”

Though it was tempting to feel defeated, having been so close to something with him—whatever it was, you were also relieved it was spoiled. It was too soon, at least that’s what you were telling yourself.

“We should.”

TAGLIST: @random-thot-generator @littleobsessionsandlifeslessons @illyanam1011 @stunkbiggu @bi-witch-bxtch @warm-milk-with-honey @xheera @kiamewrites @01trickster10

[danny-phantom-x-reader]

Ahh I'm so sorry! I just remembered binge reading all your work and then it felt like nothing was posted for a bit! My sense of time is absolutely terrible!

Also feel free to pick an emoji for me. <3 I'll probably throw a whole bunch of requests in your ask box since Danny has become my comfort character recently.

So, for a vague request, I'd love to see Danny meeting halfa!reader!

Oh, girl I just mean that I'm always active, just not like on this blog. That's on me lol How about 💗 Anon? I like that emoji Also, yall can make requests about Sam or Tucker if yall want And by halfa I assume you mean half ghost like him??

Oh my god, someone just like him???

He's pleasantly surprised

He wants to know everything

How did it happen? When did it happen? How long have you been like this? What can you do? Can you do this?

[I think you get my point]

Finally, someone who can understand him

He rants to you about all his trauma and problems [Trauma-dumping king]

He'll listen to you too. If you say something he relates to, his eyes will widen and his mouth will widen, "Oh my god, yes!"

He becomes really close to you

Pretty much forming a trauma bond

He's really protective over you, because he feels like you're the only person who understands him

Those ghost are lucky they're dead, because if not, he would kill them

Neglects his other friends to hang out with you

He's pretty much obsessed with you

If you try bringing it [His neglect of his friends] up, he gets upset

He emotional manipulates you

"They don't understand me like you do. Do you not want me to be happy? Do you not like me? If you don't like me, just tell me."

He gets jealous if you hang out with someone else, because 'They don't understand you like I do'

Expresses his depression to you and looks to you for guidance and acceptance

He uses you as sort of a coping mechanism for his issues. He needs someone to hold him, tell him it's okay and he's forced that responsibility on you without even realizing it

[fellow-anime-weeb927]

Hii, I'm back. First off, I'm sorry about the request I send yesterday, I think? I didn't see the 'angst' under the 'don't do' 😭 🙇‍♀️but I'm back with a rant (I should pay you rent for staying in your asks this much- I can pay it with kaldo drawings 😭)

I recently checked the sons' ages and well- Doom, Fanim, Epidem and Delisaster were born with only 1 year of difference (also, the whole family was born of 11th of something- Innocent zero was a weird guy. He even shares birthday with Mash lol) and knowing that a pregnancy lasts 9 months there would be 4 months of non-pregnancy state with each of the 4 first sons (I calculated it- I needed to know if it was actually possible to pop out 4 kids in 4 years like that). Yes, they literally were born Doom-January, Fanim-February, Epidem-March and Delisaster-April (Domina was born in May, but Mash wanted to be different and was born in November 😭). There is a problem, Mash and Domina were born the same year, less than 9 months in between their birthdays. To which I can only find the excuses that, again, Mash wanted to be different and decided that he would be born premature lol (or they just speed up his birth, if mother was getting ill or her health was going down). Also, I checked how much each kid weights and I'm pretty sure Innocent zero starved them- BECAUSE WHAT DO YOU MEAN DOOM (who's 2 meters tall) WEIGHT ONLY 88KG??? THAT MF IS HUGE😭 My older brother (who's 25, 5 years younger than Doom, apparently) is like 1,80m and he weights 110kg😭 Domina (who's 1,76,i think) weights 68kg (that's around my weight, I'm 1,65± and 15 y/o). So, knowing that information I want to add that after mother fell into a coma, Innocent zero had more power over the sons so he starved them (bc before it was impossible. If they told mother that they wanted to eat, or even if they didn't, she gave them food and made sure they ate at least 3 times a day. Since she suffered a lot from starvation herself and almost every family member (all of her three brothers and her mom) died due to starvation), and it would also explain why tf Delisaster has such a thin waist.

It's also possible that, instead of her bearing the children in her womb, they just decided to mix their DNAs in an incubator of some sort. Innocent zero would say something that it wasn't necessary for her to bear them and that it wouldn't benefit neither of them, since he doesn't want for a strong ally to be unable to work for over 9 months and he read that it pregnancy can affect her health (again, that means that his ally will be weaker than before (imagine his reaction when she randomly falls into a coma after mash's 'birth'- and doesn't wake up for a long time). And mother would also prefer it by just mixing the DNAs (✨trauma✨, and probably not liking physical touch?). I'm also sure that after some time, Innocent zero would put some spell on mother just to keep her in the coma (let's say her necklaces worked only around itself and since it didn't cause any actual damage they weren't activated) so that he can manipulate the sons more. I also imagine them visiting her, maybe on their own birthdays or her birthday or just randomly showing up to check on her idk.

I also imagine that when Innocent zero is defeated by Mash and mother wakes up and gets context of everything that happened during her 'absence' (she really didn't care if the realm was destroyed since they didn't care about neither her or those similar to her), she would be mad with both Wahlberg and the divine visionaries (even though she didn't like the realm, she had some respect for Wahlberg when they were young bc he had good ambitions and she expected for him to at least try to make them reality) bc "what do you mean after 100 years the law against lackmagic is the fucking same and nothing changed? And then you dump it all onto a 15 y/o boy? Wtf" She would 100% slap Wahlberg in his face (and it's a good one, after all the sons didn't get the physical abilities from their father lol) and say that if they don't change things soon, she won't hesitate to start a revolution. I also don't know how would Mash react to his biological mother appearing out of nowhere. They would probably have a talk, at least and she would say that she won't interfere in his life unless he wants to and that he should contact Domina if he wants to talk with her or needs something from her, since she doesn't have a phone bc she was in a coma.

Also, after Innocent zero is defeated, I'm sure that the castle doesn't fall down, so as she wakes up she goes through it and sees all of her sons (or their remains) dead (Except Doom, since he did live after the battle with Mash) and she doesn't know the cause of it yet, but when she sees the 'arrows' that attacked Domina she would get the puzzle together that Innocent zero have killed at least one of her sons (she couldn't care less about the realm, but won't hesitate to hurt someone tenfold if they hurt her sons in the slightest), he would have had hurried to hunt that mf down, but tending to Doom's injuries is more of a priority at that time.

Anyway, I'm really sorry for that request, it was my bad. I would send a kaldo drawing as an apology, but I can't send photos when asking as anon🙇‍♀️ have a good time

-🎨anon

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(original ask:)

A/n: dear anon you sure are discovering a whole lot oh my goodness- now that you explain the entire thing I’m like o_o I’m literally confused about the logic (but anime/manga logic am I right?-) so I’m not sure what to do about this, would you still want the ask?

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for finding my friend annoying to talk to?

I (22) and Friend (18) met through a fandom server. We pretty much just became friends because we were from the same country and have some similar hobbies.

As the time went on, we discovered that we disagreed on a lot of things, most of them are just stuff like disagreeing on food takes or they are into fandoms i dislike. I tend to avoid conflict so i often just settled everything with "let's agree to disagree" or ask them to stop talking about the stuff i hate and they would agreed. However, they often forgot about it and keep talking about those topics to me anyway, this happened so much that i stopped bothering to remind them.

Friend is also have a habit of going "off topic" whenever the current topic became unintereting to them or whenever i started to be really into it. They also tend to make about themself, their interests or their personal experiences. So generally, our conversations were just them venting or info dumping to me and going "off topic" whenever i talk a little too much or try to talk about my interests. Everytime i tried to open up about my interests or things that bothered me, i either got cold responds and them going off topic or they telling me that i shouldn't vent to them (even though it was just trivial things that bothered me compare to their trauma dumpings.)

It's really frustrating for me but i feel bad as the same time because Friend is younger than me, and i should be more mature about it. I don't really hate them because i did find it fun to talk to them about what we both enjoy, as long as they still stay on the topic of course. I'm also autistic and don't have many friends so i don't know what i should say to my friend beside playing it safe and just indulge whenever they got off topic or ignore them talk about things i hate. I also been told that i'm "difficult" so i don't know if thats the case here.

FYI: my ventings were just something like how i feel a little sad that another friend ignored me after they asked to learn our language, nothing inapproriated.

What are these acronyms?