#this is a digital diary entry more than anything i suppose lol

[eruukat-art]

having the very silly/unusual problem of putting off getting back into jrpgs bc i know id have too many art ideas...... ive been (pleasantly) shockingly productive with art the past month or so, yet i keep coming up with ideas, so it feels like im trying to move a lake with a spoon.

each spoonful of ideas i get to work on is enjoyable, certainly, and im excited to see my work get closer to achieving certain styles and levels of polish + technique. but there are so many spoonfuls in a lake!!!! and im coming up with ideas for video game art as is, so i know that getting into them more would absolutely add to said lake.

furthermore, id want to branch out and try different compositions and types of pieces, which is exciting!! but also kind of daunting, considering it feels like studying and focusing on one niche still hasnt resulted in me grasping that niche yet.. so adding more onto that feels overwhelming at this moment, even though im gathering resources for it in the backburner of my mind.

i dont mean any of this as a lament of time or energy or anything, moreso musing on my mixed excitement + ideation + apprehension and writing down some of my current thoughts on my work, especially as my accounts are slowly growing and gaining more followers. i adore creating cute pieces and fashion/makeup centric stuff, but branching out into more poster-like or painting-like pieces is on my mind, too, even if that isn’t reflected in my work yet + i have a harder time drafting images in that style. im not sure how to describe it, but its like.. artwork that feels grand and captures aspects of the narrative in some visual way, even though it isnt a specific scene, if that makes sense..... doing some work that blends vivid color palettes with a wider range of emotion, too, like bringing out the eerie/unusual/unnerving sides to a character

[lovemesomesurveys]

5,000 Question Survey--Part twenty-two

Uh... so I found this in my drafts. Apparently, I went from part twenty-one to twenty-three, skipping right over this one. So... here it is. Out of order. I’m leaving what I had answered already, so the answers aren’t current until 2053. Not that it matters, but yeah.

2001. Can you believe that we have only gotten through two fifths of this survey so far? I’d probs be further along, but it’s taken me awhile. I forgot about it for a bit.

2002. What is your opinion of Dave Coulier? I don’t really have much of an opinion on him. I know him from Full House, but that’s it. Oh, and that he dated Alanis Morrisette, which her song, “Oughta Know” is about. 2003. If you were to a write a Choose Your Own Adventure book, what would it be about? I used to love those books as a kid! They were fun. I don’t know, what kind I would write. Probably a mystery one like the ones I used to read. 2004. What was your best find from a flea market, garage sale, ebay or thrift store? I haven’t gotten anything from any of those things/places.  2005. What do you not have enough money for right now? Anything. I’m broke at the moment.

2006. Do you believe that Teras for Fears were right when they said, "Everybody wants to rule the world?" Nah. I know I don’t want to rule the world.  2007. What is the design on your beach towel? I don’t have a beach towel.  2008. What stirs something deep and animalistic inside you? Uhh. I don’t know. 2009. Have you ever cross dressed (even as a joke)? Nope.

2010. Do you own anything with a rainbow on it? I don’t. 2011. What would be the worst object for a child to take on a long car ride with you? Anything that made a lot of annoying noises. Or played something repeatedly.  2012. What's the Best Beatles song in your opinion? I don’t have a favorite. I like a few, but that’s it. 2013. Why do you suppose that diary sites are more popular with females than males? I don’t know? 2014. What do these color combinations remind you of: orange and pink: Sherbet. pink and green: A pink flower. green and gold: Money.  purple and gold: I don’t know. gold and red: San Francisco 49ers. red and white: Candy canes. blue and grey: Not sure. 2015. What is one selfish thing you tend to do? I’ve been kind of selfish this past year dealing with my health stuff. Chronic illness can be very isolating. I’ve pushed people away. I’ve holed up at home. I haven’t been there for my friends. It hasn’t been good.  2016. When do you think technology will catch up with the Jetson's? I don’t know, man. It’s funny to think that people thought it would be that way by the year 2000. We’re a digital age for sure, but there’s still no flying cars. Though, I don’t even know how that work to be honest. Can you imagine all those cars in the sky? Everyone would have to take flying lessons. Learn the routes. It would be expensive as hell. Craaaazy. 2017. What made you laugh today? My brother. 2018. Do you ever stick your entries in any of the diary circles? I don’t use LiveJournal. 2019. Can you freestyle rap? Haha no.

2020. Are you: stylish? I don’t know. I wear what I like, so since I like it that means I think it looks cute/nice. I follow some trends, but not because it’s “in.” If I like it, I’ll wear it. There’s a lot of fashion trends that I’m like, ...no. 

shiek? Is this supposed to be chic? If so, isn’t that the same as stylish? smart? Meh. I guess. I mean, we all are in different ways. I always think of the Einstein quote that basically says don’t judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree. That’s not it’s area or its skill. But put it in its environment, and it knows what to do.  2021. Do you find you self only buying brand name products? Not always. With some things, yes. 2022. Would you ever want to buy an article of clothing or an acessory because you saw a celebrity wear it? If I saw it, and liked it. Not just because that celebrity wore it. Like I said, I wear what I like, not just what is “in.” 2023. What song do you feel the sexiest dancing to? I don’t feel sexy. 

2024. Who do you know who looks silly when they dance? Me. 2025. Sweaty sex or clean sex? Virgin. 2026. Which is more important to you: being kind or being right? Being kind. 2027. Can you do any special dances like swing, tap, or ballroom? Nope. 2028. Are you scared of monsters? No.  2029. Who would you like to remind people of? I don’t know. No one? 2030. Do you walk to school or do you bring your lunch? I’m no longer in school. 2031. Rate your skills from one to ten (10 = you are the best at it): socializing: making friends: working with computers: arts: crafts: dancing: skating: talking other people into things: writing: living life to the fullest each day: cooking: gardening: cleaning up after yourself: playing poker: surviving in the woods: managing your time: attracting the opposite sex (or same sex if you prefer)? 2032. Have you ever been to an indian reservation? No. 2033. What is going to happen tommorrow that you can celebrate, even if it's a little thing? I don’t have anything going on. 2034. Do you save things for special occassions or is everyday a special occassion? I certainly don’t feel like everyday is a special occasion.  2035. What is one thing you are terrible at: Just one thing? 2036. What's your favorite: rap song: country song: industrial song: cover song: punk song: odd song: 2037. What do you get your teacher or your boss for the holidays? I only got a few teachers something for the holidays, it wasn’t something I did every year. I probably did it more often in elementary school. It would be something a box of candy. 2038. Do you like to read books by Virgina Wolfe? I’m not familiar with that author.  2039. What is your favorite tv show from when you were a kid? When I was like 4 I was obsessed with Barney. Like obsessed. I’d be upset if I had to miss an episode, so my mom would record them lol. I’d re-watch episodes, and I was always singing the songs. I’m sure I was rather annoying. 2040. What is now proved was once only imagined. - William Blake. What do you imagine? I don’t know. 2041. What has been passed down through at least two generations to you? Like a physical item? Nothing. As for something genetic, there’s some health stuff. 2042. Do we live in a particularly bad age for romance? No? 2043. Have you ever cheated on someone? No. Do you believe that once someone is a cheater they can never be trusted? Not necessarily. But it would take a lot of work getting that trust back. 2044. Have you ever gone: christmas caroling? Yes. pumpkin picking? Yes. on a hay wagon ride? Yes. on a romantic valentine's day date? No. to a new year's eve party? Yes. to a memorial day parade? No. to the Macy's thanksgiving day parade? Nope. to search for gold coins on st patrick's day? Nope. 2045. Have you ever done any modeling? Ha, no. 2046. Would you consider yourself to be psychologically damaged? I got some issues.  2047. How aware are you of the reasons behind your actions and words? I don’t know how aware I am? Like I don’t know how to rate that. 2048. What is the sickest you ever drank or drugged yourself? I’ve gotten pretty sick from drinking. Not fun. 2049. Would you prefer it if clothing was optional? No. 2050. What is one interesting fact about you: I’m obsessed with giraffes. I don’t know if that’s interesting, but that’s what I got.

2051. Are more people depressed because they are alone, or are more people alone because they are depressed? It’s like a loop for some people.  2052. Have you ever gotten a mug, t-shirt, key chain, etc. that was personalized with your picture? Nope. 2053. What was the last thing that you experienced for the first time? Golden Double Stuffed Oreos dipped in coffee. I’ve talked about this a few times, but it’s SO good. 2054. If you were going to die tomorrow and you were leaving a postcard for someone to read after you were gone what would it say? I really don’t know. 2055. If you were about to be executed what would your last request be? I wouldn’t be concerned with that. I’d be scared about the fact I was being executed. 2056. What kinds of people do you find intimidating? The intimidating kind. 2057. How much conviction do you have in your feelings and beliefs? I don’t know how to put an amount on that. I truly believe what I believe and feel what I feel? Maybe my feelings aren’t always justified, or maybe they’re exaggerated, but I still feel them wholeheartedly. 2058. In your house where is the: crazy glue? We don’t have any. flashlight? My dad has big, bright one he keeps in his closet. 2059. Out of everyone you know who has the most personality? Hmm. My younger brother or my mom. 2060. If you could go back in time to experince a musical movement or era, which one would you choose to live through? I’m not sure. 2061. Do you suffocate people with your love? No, I don’t think so. 2062. Do you feel your life is charmed? No. 2063. What character do you identify the most with from Winnie the Pooh? Pooh Bear because he’s always hungry and thinking about honey, which same but instead of honey I’m always thinking about food and the next meal. I’m also like Piglet because I’m anxious and scared of everything. 2064. When do you do your best thinking? In the shower or while lying out on the beach. 2065. What motivates you? Nothing. :/ 2066. Look back at all the people you've dated. Has there been a pattern? There’s only been two, so. I can’t really make any patterns out of that. 2067. Things change but what will always remain the same for you? My love for my family. And to be a downer, I’ll always have my health issues. 2068. Is divorce something you would ever consider or do you feel that marriage is permanantly binding? If I ever got married, and things just weren’t working out after we tried working on our marriage and used the resources and help available to us, then divorce would be the next step. I believe in trying to work things out first, if possible. Unless it’s an extreme case and abuse is involved.  2069. What's the strangest movie you ever saw? Hmm. There’s been a few. A Clockwork Orange came to mind first. 2070. If you could go into virtual reality and set up your life there to be perfect and it would seem real but not be real would you trade your life now for the virtual life? I’d sure like to try it out at least. 2071. Does it seem like life is more difficult for you than for anyone else? We all have our struggles. Sometimes it might seem like other people have it all figured out and don’t have many problems, but truth is you just never really know what someone is going through. I guess; though, because we are the ones experiencing our life and the difficulties we face, it may seem more difficult in comparison sometimes just cause it’s your reality. That’s why I don’t like when people say you shouldn’t be upset because others have it worse. It doesn’t make what I’m experiencing any less or any better. It’s very real for me. 2072. What are you grateful for? My family first and foremost, a roof over my head, clothes to wear, and food to eat. 2073. What was a choice that you didn't want to make but you had to? Health related things. 2074. Have you ever had dental surgery? Yes. 2075. At what point exactly are you grown up? I don’t think there’s a certain point that everyone is automatically a grown up. Legally, you’re an adult by a certain age, but being “grown up” is different. 2076. If there was a weightloss procedure that would destroy your ability to taste food so you wouldn't be tempted by junk food, would you have it done? No. I don’t need a weight loss procedure. 2077. What is one thing that happened that you never expected? Again, some health related things. That’s the focus of my life if you haven’t noticed. It’s really the center of everything. 2078. If you called one of your friends and they said "It's nothing personal but I don't want to talk to anyone right now," would you take it personally? I would try and understand because that’s how I’ve been feeling. For quite awhile, actually. And yet, I probably would be bothered by it slightly. Ridiculous, I know. I definitely shouldn’t. 2079. What is your favorite girl's name? I don’t really have a favorite girl’s name. 2080. Do you ever feel guilty for being more fortunate then others? I feel fortunate, grateful, and appreciative. That’s why I try not to take things for granted. I feel sad others aren’t so fortunate, and I wish that wasn’t the case. It doesn’t make me a bad person or should feel guilty about because I am, though. 2081. If you had to wear a shirt with one word on it for a year, what word would you choose? Coffee. 2082. What is evian spelled backwards? Naive. Ha. 2083. You drop 10 pounds of feathers and a ten pound bowling ball off the top of the same building. Which will hit the ground first? Isn’t it the feathers? If I recall correctly. 2084. Even though you may never get what you want, are you happy because you're trying? I’m not happy. :/ I don’t give myself a lot of credit. I feel like I could be doing more than what I am. 2085. If you started a petition what would it be about? I have no idea. 2086. When was the last time you asked someone to do something and they said no? Hmm... not sure. 2087. Do bad things happen to you on friday the 13th? Something bad might happen, but not because it’s Friday the 13th. Bad things happen other days, too. So, I wouldn’t say any more so. 2088. What's your favorite: Madonna song? John Lennon song? Michael Jackson song? Doors song? Rolling Stones song? David Bowie song? Elvis song? 2089. If you had started a relationship with someone and they said that it would be best if no one knew about it just to see how it goes, would you be offended? Absolutely. I wouldn’t be okay with that. 2090. Do you know any self defence? I’d be kind of screwed. How about CPR? Nope. 2091. If you had to look into a mirror and see your naked soul stripped of all delusions and pretenses (Never ending Story style)could you handle it? Uhhh. 2092. Are you a genius? Haha nooo. Not even close. I’m very much average. 2093. How did you find out that Santa Clause wasn't real? I think I saw the presents were already put out or something like that. 2094. Which is your favorite tarot card? I don’t have one. I don’t believe in that. 2095. Does the internet seperate people or connect them? It can do both. 2096. Have you ever written a letter to a soldier? No. 2097. Does pain and fear make you feel alive? No. 2098. Are you: good looking? I don’t think I am. thin? Yes. happy? No.

successful? No. confident? Noo. 2099. Are you deciseive or wishy washy? I’m very indecisive. 2100. Do you feel pop stars should be morally responsible to set a good example for their fans? That’s not their responsibility, no. If they want to be, great, but it’s not their job.