#this is a design i made last year that dates back to like. november? i guess HKJSFHKJHHGKEG

[mspaint-flower]

dream demon ☆ミ

[zahri-melitor]

Why did Red Robin fail as an alias that Tim was transitioned into? Did it ‘fail’?

I don't have any special insight on this one, but I can give you a bunch of reasons that made it unpopular.

The main one however? It's heavily associated with n52 Tim, and people don't like n52 Tim.

(Heads up going in - I will be using cover dates for all of this, because working with cover dates over publication dates is simpler for me)

Tim used 'Red Robin' as a name between August 2009 and July 2018. This splits up as follows with the major titles he was appearing in:-

2 years, 3 months (August 2009 - October 2011) in Batman Reborn pre-Flashpoint as Red Robin (Red Robin vol 1):

5 years, 1 month (November 2011 - November 2016) in n52 as Red Robin (Teen Titans vol 4 & 5, Batman Eternal, Batman & Robin Eternal):

2 years (August 2016 - July 2018) in Rebirth as Red Robin (Detective Comics):

I wanted to put the photos up to help clarify the differences between each of these versions.

Yes, there's overlap between the last two, because Teen Titans vol 5 finished several months after the start of Tynion's Detective Comics run. The two characters are essentially separate - switching over to Rebirth was a messy process that took several months depending on the title

The majority of appearances of 'Red Robin' as a character are of n52 'Tim Drake', who doesn't have the same backstory, parents or history as Robin as the characters either side of him. He's the one that most long term fans of the character would rather not talk about or think about.

Tynion's Detective Comics run between 2016 to 2018 was about taking the characters therein back to their pre-Flashpoint characterisation, as much as possible. And you can tell from the costume, Tim was 'Red Robin' in name only. He was wearing a Robin costume that simply happened to have an extra R on the crest. He looked like a Robin, acted like a Robin, was doing Robinlike work for Batman, and when Young Justice 2019 started he got a costume update that dropped the extra R from the top and he's been using Robin again ever since (less the attempt at using 'Drake' as a code name in 2020).

So why did it fail? Here's a bunch of reasons:

People don't like the cowl design on Tim: even Marcus To, the artist best associated with Tim as Red Robin before Flashpoint, perpetually draws Tim with the cowl down and often with part of the costume off for commissions and artwork.

People don't like the new 52 version of Tim.

Red Robin was a costume that Tim put on back in 2009 as a punishment to himself while was was doing 'unRobinlike' things looking for Bruce, and once that circumstance was over, there wasn't that much time during Reborn to really cement it as Tim's adult persona due to the universe getting cut off and rebooted.

New 52 Tim was largely not associated with the rest of the Bats for various editorial reasons, making him an outsider that's unusual compared to the rest of his characterisation since 1989.

To show the difference for Tynion's 'Tec run and convince all the fans that new 52 Tim was gone, they decided to make a very clear visual distinction between the characters. That visual distinction essentially was making Tim into a Robin again.

If you're looking at character storyline for Tim Drake, son of Jack and Janet, the story arc effectively goes: Batman Reborn, Convergence, Detective Comics, Young Justice 2019. Which is a story of Tim transferring himself back OUT of the Red Robin costume as he healed and no longer needed it as a temporary measure, and regaining his memories and history.

I mean, why would DC want to use Red Robin for Tim? It's got the difficulty that Jason has taken over effective ownership of the colour red for identification in the family purposes. It's associated with times of grief in Tim's life (because Tim explicitly wears red for loss: for Kon and for Bruce) and with storylines they've excised from his history. It's explicitly a form of self-flagellation.

It could have been Tim's Nightwing, but it's effectively ended up Tim's Grayson period. Something that happened and is referenced, but there are good reasons not to return to.

[phatcatphergus]

need someone to make a timeline of tubnet so that i can kill myself after reading it

Oh shit, I'm not that great with solid timelines so anyone who has detailed info please share!

From my knowledge, Tubbo has wanted to create a server to play on with his friends since he was really young (like the 13-14 age range I believe). He first made a server by begging his dad to buy one for him (Lee_500 the goat) and played on places like Hypixel as well.

Tubbo, being Tubbo, wanted to make it even better than it was and create his own games to play and create with friends. I know at one point he did actually make a minigame-based server but someone fucked him over and took all the revenue/credit but I don't know or can't remember the details of that.

Fast forward to the DSMP blow-up. Tubbo now has the financial capabilities to create what he's always wanted to create, as well as make it for other people to play and enjoy as well. He has always put so much work into making things for chat and this was just the perfect opportunity to fulfill his childhood dream of designing games within Minecraft to play with friends as well as make something to give back to the chat.

He starts actually getting into it around 2021 and the dream starts taking a form with the possibility of a team behind it.

In 2022 Tubbo joined Misfits who are now able to provide more financial support as well as create a staff and provide other resources for him to accomplish his dream. Ben Spoont is co-owner of TubNet now.

August of 2022 was the intended release date but was met with what Tubbo described at the time as "issues with their service providers". In reality, the server was hit with an insane DDoS attack that Cloudflare did jack shit about. Detailed information on that is in Tubbos video here

The server release date was then pushed to November of that year and went really well! They got insane traffic and everything seemed to be going well!

Unfortunately, the momentum didn't last long and the server traffic died down to really low numbers. There could be a few different reasons for this but the fact was that their numbers were as sustainable as they should be.

From the release date, there were tournaments and plans made by Tubbo and the TubNet team but unfortunately, here we are. I think there were a LOT of factors that went into this and there isn't one thing we can blame on it needing a hiatus but it was something that had so much potential and promise that i wish could have come to fruition

[doctorstrangereview]

Strange Tales #141

Cover Date: February 1966 On-Sale Date: November 11, 1965

"The Final Defeat" was advertised last issue, but this issue is "Let There Be Victory". Whose victory? We shall see. The story sort of closes out the Doc vs. Dormie arc that's been going on for a year. While Doc and Dormie won't face off again this arc, things aren't quite done yet.

There appears to be lots to tell this installment. The splash is the start of the story with Mordo bragging to Dormie about his incredibly dishonorable act. Is the lord of the dark dimension grateful? Heck no! Dormie could have done it himself! And he's got choice words for the Baron. "You -- a bungling, talentless, powerless mortal -- you dared presume to think you could help Dormammu??!!" Don't mince words, flamehead! Tell us how you really feel! Dormie then banishes Mordo, weird onesie and all, using something that looks like a flying carpet square with a big hole in it.

Dormie then proceeds to demand the other dimension lords crown him King of Everything. But before they can respond, Doc is awake again and makes the ultimate playground challenge. "I wanna rematch, hothead! And if you refuse it means you're a scaredy-cat!" Naturally, this ancient, supremely powerful being that's ruled a dimension for uncountable ages falls for this bit of reverse psychology.

The battle starts again! Once again, who is winning goes back and forth between the combatants while the camera occasionally cuts to The Ancient One surrounded by the dimensional lords and Clea, still watching in her magic cage in the Dark Dimension through the floaty, smoky TV thing.

And so it goes, until, finally...

Doc makes Dormie renew his oath never to attack the Earth.

Dormie agrees and the event ends. The players and audience all return to their home bases. The Ancient One has finally returned to his cool pad instead of the dank, musty cave. Doc does the old dude a favor and sends his cloak to retrieve Hamir. Then immediately sends him out to get food.

We're only at the top of page seven right now, and we definitely don't need that amount of space to wrap things up so nastiness awaits in the wings. First, Dormie's magic TV appears to give Doc mystical flip of the bird.

Now, in their first battle, Doc made Dormie promise never to harm Clea. This was actually the first part of the promise with Earth second. Presumably this promise is still in effect, and we learn later on that Dormammu breaking his promises has consequences, so what's up with this? Maybe banishing her isn't actually harming her. Now it's Stephen's time to yell and shake his fist in the air. Dormie then rants and raves to whomever will listen.

The Ancient One then gives Doc his next mission. He releases the Orb of Agamotto, still referred to as a mystic globe from Mordo's curse and shows Doc where all the Mordo evil hotspots are. Doc's gotta clean 'em up. Doc's heading back to his pad in Greenwich Village, but before he gets there, something is going on. Doc still hasn't installed door or window locks or any mystic shielding. Kaecilius, the Demon and a mysterious third whose face is hidden in shadow and a Freddy Krueger fedora are in the Sanctum Sanctorum are plotting something nefarious. To make it less likely for Doc to detect, they are using a regular bomb and nothing mystical. The third figure puts the bomb IN A LIT BRAZIER! I don't know if they are incredibly stupid for putting an explosive device in a fire, or if they are incredibly smart for designing a bomb that can withstand the flames until they trigger their remote.

Doc returns via the floppy bullseye spell, mystic globe in tow. Outside we see the mysterious fedora wearer about to trigger the bomb. Inside, Doc says "I really need a nap!" and the story closes with an image the brazier showing the bomb inside.

The panel says the end but obviously things are far from over. This arc was first reprinted in Doctor Strange Classics in the mid-80s. In order to give it a cleaner ending, the panels dealing with the bomb plot are excised and the image of the bomb in the final panel is removed. As for the story itself, half is a rehash of the battle from the previous issue. Fortunately this isn't the main point of the story. It's really a set up for something much bigger in a few months. I like the latter half of the story much more than the battle. The battle appears to be won, but lots of related things are about to happen. I've got hand it to Lee and Ditko. They plotted this whole thing out very well.

[rjalker]

February 12th 2023: don't donate until this part is removed! someone stole my fucking wallet.

I'm making this my pinned post because I am tired of suffering.

Here's the link to my actual About post. Read it if you're going to follow me, it has my DNI as well as tags I use for things so you can blacklist them if you want/need to.

====

Hi I'm fucking too disabled to work but have to get a fucking lawyer to get fucking disability SSI from the stupid fucking government because it's literally designed to make people give up before they get their gods damned money.

I literally don't even eat even a single meal each day.

I'm also trans and would like to fucking medically transition someday but at this point I've just fucking give up that hope because I will literally never be able to afford it unless capitalism gets smashed tomorrow. in which case none of this matters, but that's not going to happen because that's not how revolution works so fucking anyways

also we're out of ibuprophen and I have fucking menstrual cramps right and yeah I should probably get fucking tested for endomitroiosis or whatever the fuck it's called but you know what else I don't have? Health insurance. Because I'm too disabled to work, and even if I could work literlaly no one will give me a full time job that wouldn't literaly just end up killing me.

====

Here's the gofundme link.

My paypal, venmo, and cashapp are all "Rjalker".

Here's the link to my redbubble store if you'd rather buy something.

You can also tip me through tumblr.

====

I have the Redbubble prices set so that when you buy a product I actually get a decent cut instead of $2 max. If you buy a pin, for example, I get $9.

My paypal icon is the same flower design as my tumblr icon. I don't think cashapp and venmo have icons but if they do I'll make sure they're the same too.

Check out and request more pronoun pins on my sideblog @custom-pronoun-pins

This post is being made November 30th 2022 but unless they suddenly invent No Longer Disabled pills it's just not going to have a fucking "this is no longer relevant" date because this shit isn't going to get better.

Here's what your money will be going towards if you donate:

rent, $500 a month for my half

phone bill, $35 a month

water bill, around $35 a month

internet bill , $45 a month

cat food, cat litter, and vet visits

groceries

clothes

fixing the washer or just buying a new one

fixing the dryer or just buying a new one

all the fantasy and scifi books I'm going to write that I will literally be giving away for free because if it's not clear enough yet I fucking hate capitalism. You will be able to download the books for free endlessly and the only time you'll have to pay money is for the cost of the materials to make the physical book.

we literally have not had a functional washer or dryer for the last like five fucking years in a row. All our clothes have to be washed in the fucking tub and then hung up in front of a fan to dry, or put in the fucking pop-up air dryer we found that takes for fucking ever and can't hold more than a few things before it stops working almost entirely.

I'm making this my pinned post because I'm tired of suffering. I'll fucking put the other one back when capitalism ends or I get the fucking disability SSI I literally would have been getting from birth except for the fucking idiot in the government who decided to fucking remove us from the fucking disability list when we turned eighteen when they took us off the fucking survivor's benefits of our fucking dad dying.

No I am not fucking joking. My twin and I were literally born four months early. We were literally guaranteed disability SSI from the moment we were born because of all the shit that went wrong and the fact that both of us were blatantly fucking autistic and had dyslexia and all this other shit.

And some fucking government worker fucked up when we turned eighteen and not only took us off the fucking survivor's benefits SSI, which overrode the disability SSI, but also fucking took us off the list for the disabled SSI.

Literally assigned abled at eighteen.

And I still haven't even fucking been diagnosed with anything for my physical disability because again! No health insurance! Because I can't work! Because I'm disabled! And since I can't work I can't get my disability diagnosed! Which means I can't get accommodations! It's literally a fucking endless cycle that will only stop if I or capitalism die!!!

======

Update 12/11/22: The water bill for November has been paid! Thank you!

[mysticsparklewings]

It’s time for a new Swatch Chart! 🎨

I made the 1st version of this chart back in April, but thanks to some newly released sets, there are now 345 colors of Ohuhu’s Honolulu [brush-tip] markers! 😱 So an update was in order.

I don’t know why Ohuhu still doesn’t offer a truly full set with EVERY color, but this Chart is designed to help you keep track of which ones you have & which ones you don’t!

You can find the chart for free on my DeviantArt or My Ko-Fi Shop! [EDIT: These Links have been Updated with the Newest version of the Chart, which you can read more about in this post here.] 

And if you'd like to send a little monetary support my way I do have the Ko-Fi listing set as "pay what you want.” Any monetary support is even more appreciated than usual since this was a more complicated chart than usual to make.✨

---------- ⭐️ Like My Art and Want to see more of it? Here's All My Links! ⭐️ ---------- Y'know Sparklers, I've made a LOT of Swatch Charts, but this is the most complicated one I've worked on to date by a fairly wide margin. Truly a "labor of love" as they call it. 🫠 By way of explanation: Earlier this year [in April], I made what was, at the time a full Swatch Chart of Ohuhu's Honolulu Markers. ["Honolulu" being Ohuhu's pet name for their alcohol-based markers with brush tips, as opposed to some other kinds of markers they sell.] This was necessary because while Ohuhu had [and still sells] a nice, big 216 set of the markers, that was still not every color available—There were [and still are] a few stragglers in smaller themed sets, and I wanted a place to keep track of all the colors I did own vs. the ones I didn't. Likewise, I modeled the Chart after the Copic company's own guide to the markers, which I've seen others make their own Copic "Tracker" Charts for and quite liked the layout of. Then, at the tail end of October, Ohuhu released a couple of new Pastel Honolulu sets, and just as we switched into November, they dropped a new 320 (!) Honolulu set—These combined added 106 new colors to their existing 242. [And for the record, if you filled out the previous version of this chart and don't want to swatch 242 markers again but still want to add the new colors, the .ZIP Download for that post has been updated with a new "Companion" Chart of just the 106 new colors.] So to be clear: While the 320 is the largest set of brush markers available from Ohuhu, it is STILL not the Complete selection of colors in one package! 😫 We are now up to 345 Colors Total + the Colorless Blender—if you count one color [GY163 Green Bice] that so far has only been released in an Old Skin Tone set Ohuhu no longer sells. If not, it's 344 + the blender, but I'm going to say 345 from here on out since it's technically correct whether you choose to count that oddball color or the blender as the 345th one. EDIT: As of 2/13/23, Ohuhu has made the "base" 320 Honolulu markers all available to buy as single markers on their website; The chart has been updated to reflect this. However, it should be noted that the 14/15 colors not in 320 set are not yet available as single markers. END EDIT Regardless, 340+ is a LOT of little boxes to try and fit on a single page. It's certainly not impossible since like I said, my original vision is similar to charts of Copic's full 358 [357 + blender] marker range, which still manage to fit on a single page and look like there's room left over. The thing is though that Ohuhu divides their markers up into more "Color Families" than Copic does, and the amount of colors in each family is very different...Not helped by the fact that Ohuhu doesn't have a set "system" for the Honolulu color codes [like RV180], so you have more than a few colors that really don't look like they belong in the family they've been assigned to, so that complicates splitting families up when the column of boxes gets too long. With that in mind, I will repeat something I said last time: "...[the] problem with any Swatch Chart over 50-70 or so colors (including my own): It gets difficult to have so many colors on the page while also still being useful, so I often have a "tracker" page like this, and then a multi-page set of charts that are a more comfortable size. The single tracker page gets filled in with solid color as I see fit, and then the multiple pages are gradients in some way, since that's what I find most useful. You can fill in the chart however you like, but I thought knowing how I handle mine might be helpful for anyone concerned about how small the boxes might print. Also worth noting: I know there's a lot of tiny text up here, and from an accessibility standpoint, I do apologize for that. I've done my best to balance legibility with functionality, but that's just the downside of squeezing so many swatches onto one page. The Copic charts I was taking notes from all have the same problem." To that end, to make room for the 106 new colors, I did still have to shrink certain elements and, as you can probably tell, really move things around. For example, last time the Greys got to be their own horizontal table, but this time they had to be squeezed into 2 columns. One small benefit of moving everything around is that now there should be a general "rainbow order" to the whole Chart—a color progression that feels more natural. It still won't be perfect once the chart is filled out because of the lack of logic I mentioned earlier in the numeric order Ohuhu puts the colors in, but the idea is still there. Let's see...I think the only other thing that's changed from last time that might not be as obvious is that there's a Color Family abbreviated as "MG." Last time, I dubbed this family "Muted Grey" because Ohuhu sorts them with the other greys on their own charts, but the actual color of the markers is far too blue for me to call them "Middle Greys." At the time, "Muted" was the only other adjective used to describe Grey that I could think of that made anything close to sense. This time, however, I wanted to see if I could come up with something that fit better. I landed on "Mineral Grey," since Minerals can come in a variety of colors, including blue. It's still not perfect, but it's the best I can do without knowing why Ohuhu decided they should be "MG" colors. 🤷‍♀️ And I know I probably sound a little harsh on Ohuhu by now, but I want to clarify my criticisms come from a genuine place—I love my Ohuhu markers and I'm thrilled they so far offer pretty great quality for much more affordable prices than the competition. I point these things out because I really think if Ohuhu were to take them to heart [which isn't impossible—they've shown they do actually listen to customer feedback even if it takes a while for the results to show], they'll be that much closer to surpassing their competition with a genuinely as-good-as if not an outright better product. I mean really, would I have spent the more-hours-than-I-bothered-to-count working on this chart if I genuinely didn't like the markers? I promise you, no, no I would not have. Sort of on that note, before I go, I will specify as I did last time that [as evidenced by this chart's existence] Ohuhu is one of few companies that updates their products fairly regularly. I'll continue to do my best to keep this chart up to date alongside the markers, but just try to be patient if I fall behind at some point—As long as I'm physically able, an update will come, but I'm only human and have other responsibilities outside of swatch charts, y'know?  ----------

Swatch Chart Design © me, MysticSparkleWings

I do not own Ohuhu, Copic, and/or any associated logos/trademarks/etc.

----------

⭐️ Like My Art and Want to see more of it? Here’s All My Links! ⭐️

[cfimpurities]

(—)   ♥   spotted!! everleigh sinclair on the cover of this week’s most recent tabloid! many say that the 33 year old looks like blake lively, but i don’t really see it. while  the actress is known for being endearing my inside sources say that they have a tendency to be reckless i swear, every time i think of them, i hear the song looking at me by sabrina carpenter  {she/her; female} - sushi

♥  𝐓𝐇𝐄   𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐒 ,

𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥   𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞   :   everleigh venus sinclair .  𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬   :   ev, evie, leigh .  𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞   :  november twenty third , nineteen eighty nine . 𝐚𝐠𝐞   :   thirty three .  𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞   :   los   angeles ,   california .  𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭  𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞   :   malibu ,   los   angeles .  𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫   :   cis   female . 𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧   :   heterosexual .

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬   :   patrick   sinclair ( actor ) , annalise hilton ( socialite ) .  𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬   :   unnamed   sinclair  ( younger brother ) .  𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫   𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲   :  persephone sinclair ( cousin ) , athena sinclair ( cousin ) ,  austen   sinclair   ( second cousin ) ,   archie   sinclair   ( second cousin ) .  𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬   :   english ,   french ,  italian   𝐨𝐜𝐜𝐮𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧   :   actress  (career claim : keira knightley ).  𝐞𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧   :   harvard business school (dropped out after first year .  𝐳𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐜   :   sagittarius .  𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫   𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬   :    serena  van  der  woodsen  ( gossip  girl ) ,   thea queen  ( arrow ) ,   cassie howard   ( euphoria ) ,   natasha romanoff  ( mcu ) ,   meredith grey   ( grey’s anatomy ) ,    aria montgomery  ( pretty little liar’s ) ,   fiona gallagher  ( shameless )  .

♥  𝐓𝐇𝐄   𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘 ,

oldest child of actor patrick sinclair (rarely ever there father) and socialite annalise hilton (of the hilton hotel chain and overbearing mother)

was expected to take on the hotel chain at some point, even if she doesn’t want to

sent to an all girl’s boarding school, mother thinking she couldn’t possibly get into any trouble there, and yet everleigh brought her worst fears into fruition by sneaking out to parties, drinking under the age and getting high off of a multitude of drugs; gets caught her junior year and is subsequently expelled

homeschooling ensues for the last two years of high school; parents paying off the boarding school to remove the expulsion from her file to ensure she gets into an ivy league which she ultimately does; going on to study business at harvard, thousands of miles away from her mother much to everleigh’s relief, where she does everything but study quickly falling back into partying ways before convincing her father to help her get her first role in a movie which would end up being a one elizabeth bennett in pride & prejudice and ultimately dropping out of the ivy league school to begin her acting career.

at age 25, everleigh marries castmate, orlando bloom, after six months of dating ; it is unknown why the pair ultimately divorced a year later but it appears that the two are still friends

2016; everleigh is cast in jack ryan: shadow recruit opposite actor chris pine; the pair hit it off and began dating before getting married a year later. relationship lasts five years before they too are divorced; reasons are again unknown but pair still seems amicable

♥  𝐅𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐎𝐈𝐃𝐒 ,

once told her mother off at a debutante ball when she was 17

hasn’t spoken to either of her parents since she was 20

does not speak to persephone and athena’s parents either having not agree with how controlling they were over older cousin’s life

has been the face of many designer clothing lines

sinclair is the face of an Amnesty International campaign to support human rights  

co-hosted A Night to Remember, part of the Green Carpet Challenge, a charity event highlighting sustainability within the fashion industry.  

she backed Made By Dyslexia, a global campaign to help teachers address “dyslexic strengths”.  

she was confirmed as the new celebrity face of Chanel's perfume Coco Mademoiselle and has endorsed Chanel Fine Jewelry's collection Coco Crush  

was named amongst the most bankable actors in 2009 at the age of 20

won a libel case against the British tabloid Daily Mail after it falsely claimed that she had an eating disorder; turned around and donated the money to Beat, a charity for those with mental illness and eating disorders  

a man was sentenced to eight weeks in prison after harassing sinclair outside her home and stalking her in December 2016  

In April 2009, sinclair appeared in a video to raise awareness of domestic abuse entitled Cut shot for Women's Aid. The video created controversy, with some sources calling it too graphic, while other groups support the video for showing a realistic depiction of domestic violence. (rumors spread because of this which she has publicly addressed in regards to both orlando bloom and chris pine respectfully stating it was not her saying she had experienced it first hand in her own relationships but that she was merely trying to help raise awareness, to speak up for those who couldn’t.)

♥  Acting Career ,  

Upcoming

Boston Strangler Loretta McLaughlin Completed 2023

Past

Silent Night - Mell

Charlotte - Charlotte Salomon (Voice)

Misbehaviour - Sally Alexander

The Aftermath - Rachael Morgan

Berlin, I Love You - Jane

Official Secrets - Katharine Gun

The Nutcracker and the Four Realms - Sugar Plum

Colette - Colette

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales - Elizabeth Swann

Collateral Beauty - Amy

Everest - Jan Hall

The Imitation Game - Joan Clarke

Laggies - Megan

Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit - Cathy Muller

Begin Again - Greta

Anna Karenina - Anna Karenina

Seeking a Friend for the End of the World - Penny

A Dangerous Method - Sabina Spielrein

London Boulevard - Charlotte

Last Night - Joana

Never Let Me Go - Ruth

The Duchess - Georgiana

The Edge of Love - Vera Phillips

Atonement - Cecilia Tallis

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End - Elizabeth Swann

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest - Elizabeth Swann

Domino - Domino Harvey

Pride & Prejudice - Elizabeth Bennett

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl - Elizabeth Swann

[jigensass]

My 2022 Review: Section 3 - Vidja Games

In the last section, we ended off with a brief intro into what 'Obey Me! Shall we Date?' franchise entailed.

And I have, not so much a theory, just a correlation, that I will discuss after going into this gatcha franchise (more like 'water is wet' statement), as well as some discussion on mental health.

I've going to avoid all of the detailed stuff about it by linking this post I made earlier this year back when I was in the heat of playing the game and only having spent money to boost one card I liked, and maybe throw $20 here and there.

In summary: the plot has good premise, from parts Seasons 1 - 3 of the game {Season 1: Chapters 1 -20, Season 2: Chapters 21-40, etc.}. However, I have heard echoes from more well-versed fans of the series that Season 4: Chapters 61-80 were not great for multiple reasons in regards to the plot (I never made it this far into the game, I stopped around chapter 50), but the art and misc. content being put into the franchise is decent.

I've also seen a lot of people catch onto the....very questionable decisions that were picked up during dialogue. It's kind of dodgy and questionable, but they're the 7 princes of Hell, not some BTS crew who hasn't committed at least one war crime {this is a joke or assumption that all KPOP stars are precious little uwu angel boys because I know nothing about KPOP except the word BTS} (spoiler: all of the characters in Obey Me have committed at least war crime, yes even YOU the MC. Edit: probably the only character that has not committed a war crime and ironically is the only character you cannot date in the game and that is Luke)

(I mean, look at him, I don't have to explain why he's not datable.)

And ESPECIALLY stay away from playing the game IF YOU DON'T HAVE IMPULSE CONTROL.

Between the months of March, May, June, October, November, and into this month as well, my personal life has not been great and my mind has been in some bad places. And when so much stress and trauma seem to seep into my head, I tend to want to dissociate and forget that reality is a thing. Because literally two weeks after writing that article, a brand new event launched on the app and my investment on microtransactions to boost cards and get pulls that I wanted hit a four digit USD number. After Lucifer's birthday back in June, I had to stop playing or I was going to drain my bank account. I was that depressed and desperate for any kind of dopamine to hit my veins that I was willing to spend my life savings for happiness on fictional characters. I do regret the choice I made looking back, but in the moment I could have cared less.

The same thing happened to me when I played Mystic Messenger a few years back, but I knew where to draw the line sooner rather than later when I noticed the dent in my checking account.

Don't get me wrong, I still love the character designs and the characters themselves. I just don't want to get sucked into what is essentially, an addiction, like that, ever again.

PS I am making this not rebloggable so if you have any other hot takes on OB: SWD, please reply, send me a DM, or an ask in my inbox I would love to hear your thoughts. Conclusion: Don't play gatcha dating simulators when you're severely depressed.

Going to start off with the games I actually have finished.

Sherlock Holmes Chapter One

Okay, now that is out of the way, I can fully discuss the first game I played in full this year from the Ukranian Chads at Frogwares: Sherlock Holmes Chapter One.

This is kind of like a fanon prequel to the canon storyline where Sherlock grew up on this island known as Cordona, a melting pot of an island in the Mediterranean where you solve mysteries around the island, as well as into Sherlock's past of as to what actually happened in this re-imagined tale.

Warning: if you are very sensitive and get triggered from by-gone era culture, do not play this game. Even the game warns you up front what you are about to dive into, and even I, who has been getting less ruffled by triggering things over the years, had some 'yikes' moments when playing.

The reason I didn't give a full analysis the first time around playing is because I was a broken shell by playing the ending. Seriously, NO SPOILERS GO PLAY IT FOR YOURSELF.

okay maybe a few.

This is Sherlock, you can dress him up in multiple different outfits for funsies, and the writing is incredibly tongue and cheek.

If you are also interested in Lovecraftian horror, Frogwares is also remaking one of their older games where it a crossover of Lovecraft Horror and Holmes so, if that is your cup of tea.

Now only if we could get a remake of this....then my life would be complete.

I am currently playing through Sherlock Holmes: Nemesis and it's glorious, the Part 6 Lupin actually needed.

Disco Elysium

I blame Tumblr. Specifically that one gif of break dancing harry, this was the one that grabbed my attention to this weird little RPG.

I went in blind so I had little to no idea what to do, but loved how the game was set up all around D&D-style roll checks. I do want to play the game again to see what I missed the first time around, as well as mess around with builds to see what is most effective to getting what I want (note: I tried building Jigen and I think I softlocked myself out of progression because I couldn't pass any of my checks).

Funky Little Game that I enjoyed. 10/10.

Hades

I technically beat the game for the first time and now I'm on level 2 (I'm not good at rougelike it took me nearly 100 tries to get out the first time). But man do I love...everything about this game.

Favorite weapon is the spear. Favorite love interest is Miles Ed-I MEAN THANATOS.

And I can't wait to play the sequel when it releases.

The Great Ace Attorney 2: FINALLY FINISHED IT

I gave a lot of crap to this game duo set last year, especially to the last trial of the first game where it dragged and dragged, and dragged to nothing and everyone by the end of the trial, had admitted to committing one sort of crime or another.

But finally I got around to force myself to finish the second game right where I left off and....it was actually good? The plot twists (though I knew some of them, but not the two most important plot twists) had some logical thought put into them? And the ending case was excellent with how the game mechanics played out?

Why didn't we get this in the first game?

Powerwashing Simulator/House Flipper

It was annoying at times, and the plot (yes a simulator game had a PLOT) was bonkers, but I had a chill time with it. 8/10 for stimulation.

I've also been playing some more House Flipper lately to chill off which helped a bit.

Spider-Man: Miles Morales

I beat this game in a span of a couple of days, and I don't remember much about it, but I do remember having a good time for how short the campaign actually was.

8/10

Ghostwire Tokyo

My Diamond in the Rough of 2022 that was published by Bethesda. Japanese modern era horror? Sign me up! The atmosphere of the game is eerie, a contrast on what I was playing back in 2021.

8/10

Monster Prom, Monster Camp, & Monster Road Trip

I'm going to put these games all together since they're from the same series and I bought them in a set.

Note: These games are better with friends (I've...mostly been playing alone) and co-op is necessary when it comes to hitting the objectives in Road Trip so you can plan out your routes accordingly.

Overall, they're fun games to play if you have some down time.

Basically this trilogy of games is a visual novel dating simulator for monster fuckers. My favorite character? Milo Belladonna, hands down. They ooze aesthetic.

Side note: I have been planning to write this compilation review list for months now and the only thing that has been glued in my head to write down is this:

ICHIBAN IS THE WEED TREE!

Context: Magic Tree Mike is voiced by Kaiji Tang, aka Goro Yatagarasu from Lupin Parts 5-6 and KASUGA ICHIBAN FROM YAKUZA 7 (it's hilarious his running joke is telling characters that they're the chosen one)

Games I revisited/am currently playing now/games on hiatus that have not been mentioned

God of War aka Dad Simulator 2018

ProZd picking up a voice acting role in the sequel is what caused me to get into this 4 years later.

I'm not far into the game (I'm currently in Alfheim), and I'm enjoying it so far. The cutscenes are gorgeous and flow wonderfully together with the actual gameplay, which as it stands, is better than Yakuza. And I'm actually being presented a challenge when it comes to battling enemies. I've died a handful of times and I haven't gotten upset because they've all been my fault to just git gud. I'm hoping to enjoy this game to the end so I can get the sequel on the cheap side.

Dragon Quest XI S Echoes of an Elusive Age Definitive Edition

I started this game two years ago and picked it up again because I couldn't find something else to play and...so far it's nothing special, just your standard run of the mill JRPG. The only complaint I have so far is that the casino is entirely based on luck and requires no skill to play, unlike what I'm used to in Yakuza when playing Blackjack.

I just got all the party together and I'm off to fight a tentacle monster, but I hit another grind wall.

Stray

10/10 for cat.

8/10 for the very unsettling undertones of the overall plot. I'm probably not going to go back to it for the dystopian horror alone because it kind of makes me uncomfortable.

Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag

I've already been slandered earlier this year for what I said about Blackbeard, the Gentlemen Pirate, and Our Flag Means Death.

It's Assassin's Creed with Pirates, what more could you ask for? Although, I have played a bit of Valhalla and I can see that this game was the one that started the beginning of 'less assassins, more random countries with assassins as the side plot' because the main character of this game does not care about the plot that Ezio was fighting for in his trilogy years before the plot of 4 happened.

Crafting system is no me gusta. 6/10.

The Wolf Among Us

I will get back to this....eventually. Story is pretty decent and I like Bigby. 9/10.

World of Final Fantasy

I don't know if I will plan to complete this game from beginning to end, but I'm committed since I'm already at the halfway point. This game is just Pokemon: Final Fantasy edition so I'm not that invested in the plot, but I am interested as to what happened to these two twins. Like, are they even real or is this a Pokemon Scarlet and Violet moment?

Even if I do quit at some point, there is only one character I must interact with if I don't decide to carry on and it was decided the last time I played, which was six months ago.

In case you don't understand, this is why

I had some cool transition into the next segment, but I really don't have one.

Something involving the current blorbos I've collected and how their current theme is

overworked

underpaid

best at what they do

always grumpy upfront

either wants the simplest things in life or has refined taste

deemed as 'dad'

internally depressed

actually a big softie on the inside

may or may not be straight

[yeonchi]

Koei Warriors Retrospective Part 12: Dynasty Warriors 6

Dynasty Warriors 6 (真・三國無双5) Platforms: PlayStation 3, Xbox 360, PC Release dates: Japan: 11 November 2007 (PS3/Xbox 360)/11 July 2008 (PC) USA: 19 February 2008 (PS3/Xbox 360)/18 November 2008 (PC) Europe: 7 March 2008 (PS3/Xbox 360)/10 October 2008 (PC)

"How many times have I told you to make her feel welcome? No, I don't care if you didn't know she was a Reverend Mother of the Bene Gesserit. Did you learn nothing from the Kwisatz Haderach saga? Consider yourself fired."

Oh, hello. Sorry, had a bit of trouble with one of my businesses there. With Koei Tecmo moving onto the PlayStation 3, this begins what I like to call the modern era of Warriors games. However, as I mentioned in the last instalment, there was a transitionary period beginning with DW5 Special and ending with Warriors Orochi Z, and this game, Dynasty Warriors 6, is smack bang in the middle of it.

Apparently, this game is controversial among the fandom to the point that they call it the worst game of the franchise (up to this point, anyway). But was it really the worst game in my eyes? Let's find out.

Dynasty Warriors 6

Where should I begin with this game? Right, the cuts.

If you haven't noticed in the Dynasty Warriors instalments so far, I've been adding in comments from tweets made by game designer Tomohiko Shō, who has worked on the games from the beginning to this one and has been the lead planner since DW2, taking on the role of director in DW6 before he was diverted out of the team. Since June this year, Shō has been giving insights into his work on the classic era DW games and the mechanics within them in preparation for the release of Dynasty Warriors Origins, and they have served as interesting material for this series.

According to Shō, there were three main challenges to making a sequel on the same lines of DW5, namely the increase in characters, the increase in battles, and the repetition of the same stories. Ultimately, the decision was made to reduce characters and battles in an effort to develop a next-generation battle design that would create the foundation for the realism (臨場感) of future battlefields. This would allow them to begin developing challenging battles on larger maps while continuing to explore major characters in depth.

As such, 8 characters ended up being cut from the game, namely Pang De, Daqiao, Jiang Wei, Xingcai, Meng Huo, Zhurong and Zuo Ci. For each kingdom, five characters (and two from Other) were given Musou Modes of six stages as follows:

Wei

Xiahou Dun

Dian Wei

Sima Yi

Zhang Liao

Cao Cao

Wu

Zhou Yu

Lu Xun

Sun Shangxiang

Gan Ning

Sun Jian

Shu

Zhao Yun

Guan Yu

Zhang Fei

Zhuge Liang

Liu Bei

Other

Diaochan

Lu Bu

Yes, that means Cao Cao and Liu Bei end up cheating death again to appear at the Wuzhang Plains (and not just as a character exclusive thing like in DW5). At least Sun Jian only goes up to Hefei and Fan Castle. Interestingly, the final stage in Sima Yi's Musou Mode has him lead a portion of the Wei forces against Cao Cao, which serves as foreshadowing for a new faction to be featured in the next game (that was also teased in WO2).

Unfortunately, these lineup changes also means that the entire Dynasty Warriors character lineup is fucked up for future games. In this game, each of the kingdom's five characters that have Musou Modes are listed first in the character lineups, with all the other characters listed after that. But even then, Koei ended up going out of their way to fuck up the order of the other characters as well. In Wei, Zhenji is listed last after Cao Ren and Cao Pi. In Wu, Zhou Tai and Ling Tong are moved up to between Huang Gai and Sun Ce before Sun Quan and Xiaoqiao come after. In Shu, Guan Ping is listed between Wei Yan and Pang Tong.

The reason why the characters were listed the way they were is because they were ordered by their debut game orders. When cut characters came back in future games, they were placed at the end of the DW6 lineups and it kept building up from there. The kingdoms are now ordered so that Shu is third after Wei and Wu when they were listed before them up to Warriors Orochi, but I don't mind it as much. I know this may seem like a small thing in the grand scheme of things, but I am someone who believes in consistency, much to the point that when I did the Dynasty Warriors Weapon Moveset Power Rankings, I ordered the movesets by the debut order of their EX characters, aka the true order. At least the Other characters haven't been touched much by virtue of Meng Huo, Zhurong and Zuo Ci being at the end of the lineup.

Each character has gone through a radical redesign compared to DW5, whether in their appearances or the weapons they use. Notable examples of appearance changes include Liu Bei, Sun Quan, Cao Pi and Dong Zhuo. As for weapon changes, Liu Bei uses twin swords instead of a single one, Zhang Liao uses twin axes instead of a pole blade, Zhou Yu uses a pole instead of his iron sword, and Diaochan uses a chain whip instead of her twin maces among others. Other characters like Xiahou Dun (Scimitar > Cudgel), Dian Wei (Axe > Morning Star), Gan Ning (Pirate Sword > Dual Daggers) and Lu Bu (Halberd > Crossed Pike) have received weapon changes that would be reversed in future games.

In fact, the only really unique characters are those that have Musou Modes while the other characters share weapon movesets with each other. Ma Chao still has his spear, but he shares it with Taishi Ci, Sun Ce and fucking Zhang He (!). Lu Meng continues to use a pike, which is also shared with Guan Ping, Ling Tong, Cao Ren and Xu Huang. The sword, as used by Sun Quan, Cao Pi and Yuan Shao, is different to the blade as used by Zhou Tai, Xiahou Yuan and Huang Zhong. Characters using clubs include Wei Yan, Huang Gai, Xu Zhu and Dong Zhuo, Sun Shangxiang shares her bow with Yueying, Zhang Jiao shares his staff with Pang Tong and Diaochan shares her chain whip with Zhen Ji. The only remaining unique character with no story mode is Xiaoqiao, who continues to use the paired fans.

The layout of Free Mode is similar to that of DW5, but many stages have more than two scenarios mostly due to Diaochan and Lu Bu's stories or because some characters have exclusive versions of scenarios (eg. the Wu scenarios for Jing Province, Hefei and Fan Castle have exclusive versions for Sun Jian). A couple of new battles, namely Invasion of Xuchang (featuring Sun Ce) and Battle of Hanzhong make their debut in this game, but for the most part, the battles are the same as in previous games.

Stage difficulties are the same as in DW5, but there is an extra difficulty between Hard and Chaos known as Master. Master and Chaos difficulties are unlocked by completing Musou Modes. Like in DW5, the number of interim saves is also limited based on the difficulty, with Master difficulty giving you one save like the Hard difficulty.

There are five challenges available in Challenge Mode; Rampage and Sudden Death return from DW5, then Speed Run has you run a course of eight bases around Chengdu, Havoc has you destroying as many items as possible around Chibi, and Gauntlet has you dodging horses as you gather EXP.

The Camp section has received a little retune from previous games. Aside from looking at your character's model, stats, weapons and horses, the Musou Mode movies (for characters that have them) can be seen here. When you max out your character to level 50, you'll also unlock the voice gallery, something that was exclusive to the Empires games.

Some new elements have been added to the Encyclopedia as well; aside from the history overview and officer biographies, there is also a battle biography of all stages featured in the game, a glossary of terms and sayings and a timeline of military and political happenings along with births and deaths. Related entries can be viewed as well. This would be the standard for future Dynasty Warriors games.

Dynasty Warriors 6 changed the battle mechanics for the first time after the existing system was in use for 7 years. According to Tomohiko Shō, the existing Charge Attack system that had been adapted from fighting games wasn't designed to be an instant quick-thinking system as you had to think in advance about what attack you wanted to perform, hence why they designed to change it.

The new battle system is known as the Renbu (chain) system. It consists of a Normal Attack string, a Power Attack string and a strong Power Attack. The Power Attacks replace the Charge Attacks from previous games even though I'll probably keep referring to them as such. Pressing Triangle performs the Power Attack string and holding Triangle performs the strong Power Attack.

The amount of attacks you can perform (and their efficacy) is determined by the ranking Renbu Gauge to the left of your character portrait in the HUD, ranging from ranks 1 to 3 and infinity. Rank 1 starts you off with a 4-chain Normal Attack and 2-chain Power Attack, while the infinity rank gives you a 16-chain Normal Attack and 5-chain Power Attack. Initially you can only charge the Renbu Gauge up to the second rank, but as you level up, you can upgrade yourself and unlock the ability to charge up to the third rank and infinity, or you can pick up some beads (a new item) that will give you infinite Renbu for 30 seconds. Attacking enemies will charge the gauge and bring up your Renbu rank, while being attacked will cause it to fall, sometimes significantly if you're hit with a strong enough attack.

Jump Attacks and Dash Attacks remain the same as with previous games, but this game also introduces a strong Dash Attack performed by pressing Triangle while running. If you are caught in a weapon deadlock and you max out your side of the gauge, you can perform a Deadlock Attack on the enemy like in Samurai Warriors. Evasion somersaults and horse jumping are also elements implemented from Samurai Warriors.

Grapple Attacks are a new introduction to this game, reintroducing the concept of targeted attacks to Dynasty Warriors characters after they were cut in 5. While guarding, you can press Square or Triangle to grab an enemy and perform an attack against them. This is different to parrying and counterattacking, which also continues in this game when you press Square or Triangle after guarding an enemy attack, which is better timing than in previous games. The parry is just a simple knockback that is new to this game, while the counterattack is similar to how parrying was implemented in previous games.

Musou Attacks now consist of a Normal Attack loop followed by the finisher, which seems kind of bland seeing as the Musou loops in previous games were actually different.

By picking up the book-like Tomes on the battlefield, you can press L2 (L + R on the PSP port) to unleash one of five Special Attacks that are different between each character (also replacing the bow attacks of the classic era). These Special Attacks are True Speed (performing special attacks while running at sanic speed), Swift Attack which should really be named Overwhelm (infinite Renbu and increased resistance to enemy attacks), Volley (rain down arrows around you), Fire (trigger flaming pillars that can also set bases on fire) and Rockfall (rain down boulders that can roll depending on your terrain). Initially you are only able to have one Tome in stock but you can upgrade yourself to have three. Enemy officers are also capable of using Special Attacks as well.

In summary, the Renbu system is designed to allow you to transition between Normal Attacks and Power Attacks and cancel them with guards and evasions. It's alright for what it is, but to me it makes the button-pressing experience a bit of an unintentional pisstake, particularly with the Normal Attack string. At least the transition between Normal and Power Attacks feels seamless even with the windup to the Power Attack that can leave you open to enemy attacks.

With a horse equipped, you can press the down button to summon it, a feature adapted from Warriors Orochi that had roots in SW2. On horseback, you can jump your horse by pressing R1, a distinct contrast to the Samurai Warriors implementation that also allows you to perform a Power Attack on horseback.

Weapons are divided into three types, namely Standard, Strength and Skill, with each type providing different effects the higher your Renbu rank; Standard weapons increase attack range, Strength weapons increase attack strength and Skill weapons increase attack speed. Weapons can have an element of either Fire, Ice and Lightning and can have up to five of ten effect attributes, among them Air Wave and True Musou. Up to eight weapons can be kept per character.

Horses can be picked up in battle and levelled up like bodyguards in DW5, with up to eight horses able to be kept. Each horse will have a randomly generated name (that sometimes doesn't match the mane colour) and an evaluation rating shown by the blurb on each horse. As you level up your horse to a maximum of 5, its abilities will increase and it will also gain an element and up to four abilities. It is also this way that you can raise rare horses to have the same abilities as Hex Mark, Shadow Runner or Red Hare. Let me explain.

To get these abilities, your horse needs to have the blurb "His eyes consider the world and has a heavenly physique." Horses come in six colours, namely chestnut brown, dark bay brown, bay brown, grey, black or red. For each colour horse that has the stated blurb, there is a chance (meaning that it isn't guaranteed) that it will become a King horse at level 5.

Chestnut brown horses gain the title Auburn King and the ability Steel Hoof, preventing your horse from rearing up when trampling enemies (kind of a redundant ability considering the other horses but still)

Dark bay brown horses gain the title Ebon(y) King and the ability Jagged Hoof, which increases damage as you trample enemies

Bay brown horses gain the title Dapple King and the ability Winged Hoof, which allows your horse to create a shockwave upon landing a jump

Grey horses gain the title Grey King (also known as Hex Mark King 的盧王) and the ability Water Spirit, which allows your horse to swim faster in deep water (Special changes this to Karmic Spirit, increasing your luck of finding good weapons or horses)

Black horses gain the title Shadow Runner King and the ability Stone Spirit, allowing your horse to withstand heavy damage while mounted without falling off

Red horses gain the title Red Hare King and the ability Wind Spirit, making your horse run as fast as Red Hare

This has got to the the worst method of gaining rare horses because as rare as you get a horse that has the stated blurb, you're not even guaranteed to gain a King horse anyway. Players have tried tricks to gain and raise King horses, such as changing the system time (at least on PlayStations anyway) to a specific parameter and going through the steps as quickly as possible in the hope of gaining a potential rare horse, then when their EXP is just about to max out, if it doesn't become a rare horse at level 5, they reset the console and start again (interim saves don't help). Oh, but I suppose this adds to the rarity of it, ay? Anyway, tips are available on the Japanese wikis and GameFAQs.

(In the Japanese and Chinese versions, horse titles are always [colour][element] King with an 王 at the end, so frankly the English version denotes King horses better.)

Each stage has three target objectives that when completed, allow you to gain a weapon and a certain amount of EXP. Certain objectives are also the key to unlocking non-Musou Mode characters for use in Free Mode and Challenge Mode.

Some stages can have a third-party enemy army like in Samurai Warriors, but that is largely limited to the Wu Territory (Wujun) and Lu Bu's stages. Players are listed separately at the top of the Unit Info list and not under army commanders. Officers can have up to five subofficers (that are not locatable) and those subofficers can sometimes split off into their own units. In later games, all officers would be listed separately without subofficers.

An interesting addition to the Battle Log is the inclusion of battle dialogue. A point of contention among fans of Warriors games is the apparent capability to read the messages and dialogue that appears on the screen, and for some toxic fanboys, it's become an excuse to justify Koei Tecmo not dubbing their later games. Look, I will say that while it's nice to include dialogue in the battle log so players can review it, this isn't an excuse for toxic fanboys to dismiss players being unable to read fast enough as an ableist "skill issue". Similar functionality would be seen in SW Chronicles, SW4 (the entire series), DW Godseekers, DW9 and WO4, with later games also allowing lines to be replayed (regardless of voice options).

Battlefields have received a revamp compared to previous games. You can swim in the water, ambush enemies from cliffs and climb up and down ladders. In fact, the latter is a core functionality of siege battles, which take place in battles with large castles. When you approach a castle gate (that can't be broken down normally though it has been possible), engineer units will begin setting up catapults, rams and ladders while arbalests (ballistae) and rock throwers will defend the gate from atop the castle walls. If you are attacking the castle, you can climb up the ladders and destroy the arbalests, but if you are defending the castle, you have to defeat all enemy officers outside the gates to make them give up on the siege. You can destroy the siege weapons, but they will keep being rebuilt until the siege battle ends.

Interestingly, at the Battle of Chibi, there are gongs on three of the boats that will allow them to move when they are hit. There's another boat that Cao Cao and some of his officers will escape to when the fire attack succeeds, which is probably the only thing that remains of the Escape to Chibi scenario.

Bases make appearances again in this battle, but checkpoints (strongholds) with guard captains are no longer a thing from this point in DW. Among the types of bases include main camps, forts, gates and watchposts, also known as archer bases. For the first three types, you attack the gates to break through them and defeat enemies to decrease the base's morale/durability until it gets to zero, at which point the base will belong to your forces. Defeating corporals reduce the morale by 20 apiece, then once the number gets under 100, defeating the base's guard captain will occupy the base. Officers can enter their sides' bases to increase their morale. The morale of watchposts is 15, but only defeating the archers will count; in this case, the only way that defeating soldiers can affect the morale is if they're under an officer. Recovery items can be obtained from allied bases.

Duels make somewhat of a return in this game. While fighting an enemy officer, a gong may sound and soldiers will surround the two of you, attacking anyone who comes near them. Other officers may enter the ring as well.

This game is the first game to count hit chains involving all enemies you hit instead of combo chains involving you hitting the same enemy multiple times. With the exception of DW7, this would be the norm for future Warriors games.

At the end of each battle, there is a skill tree where you can unlock skills based on how many levels you went up by (which, for the first time, follows the SW/WO system instead of the old rank system). Aside from upgrading your stats, this is where you also upgrade your maximum Renbu level and the number of Tomes you can hold (plus also having one at the start of a battle).

In terms of localisation, I did mention in the last instalment for Warriors Orochi that this was the middle of a transition in English voice actors, with some characters being recast in addition to their redesign. Zhou Yu and Gan Ning's voice actors are changed from Michael Gough/Michael Forest and Doug Stone (who continues to voice Xu Zhu and Zhang Jiao) respectively to Michael Sinterniklaas, who voiced Taigong Wang in WO. Liu Bei's voice actor is changed from Dan Woren to Dave B. Mitchell, who has voiced Guan Yu since WO, and Sima Yi's voice actor is changed from Richard Cansino (who continues to voice Pang Tong) to Kyle Herbert. Lee Everest, who also voiced Huang Gai, has been fully integrated as the English narrator for Warriors games after only being heard at the end of Musou Modes in DW5.

Additionally, Voicegroup has been making the effort to begin properly pronouncing certain Chinese names properly since WO. Gone are the days of "Cow Cow" and "Cow Pee" in favour of "Tsao Tsao" and "Tsao Pee". These efforts would continue along with the status quo in future games.

Also, in the Chinese version, the text uses a font that is rather reminiscent of the old-style seal script (篆書) or clerical script (隸書) styles. This font would continue to be used up to the DW8E and even in WO3. A similar font is also seen in the Japanese version, but it's only used in the DW6 series.

Dynasty Warriors 6 Special

Dynasty Warriors 6 Special (真・三國無双5 Special) Platforms: PlayStation 2, PlayStation Portable Release dates: Japan: 2 October 2008 (PS2)/17 September 2009 (PSP) USA: 18 November 2008 (PS2)

For the first time since 2, Dynasty Warriors 6 does not have an Xtreme Legends expansion. Instead, it was backported to the PS2 and released as a "Special" port before later being ported to the PSP.

When DW6 was released, only 1 million PS3s had been sold in Japan and there were calls for it to be ported to the PS2. In all honesty, with the higher launch price of the PS3 compared to the PS2 (even with inflation taken into account), not to mention the global financial crisis of 2008, it's easy to see why PS3 sales would be slow, particularly towards kids my age. As user Jon-Slow said, "It was not a console a child could buy or ask for".

Like seriously, back then, my cousin got a PS3 and Nintendo Wii while I was stuck with my PS2 and PSP (keep in mind that even without buying physical copies of games, "digital versions" were hard to come by particularly because my family's internet allowance was 10GB before it slowed to fucking dialup speeds). I did get a Nintendo Wii later, but I regretfully traded it in for a Wii U some years later instead of getting a PS3 or PS4. I doubt my parents would have been willing to spend the money anyway.

So yeah, because of the sales figures and the pricing of the PS3, Dynasty Warriors 6 got backported to an older (and cheaper) console with some of the improvements normally seen in Xtreme Legends. DLC for this game wasn't on Koei's mind back then otherwise provision would have been made for it. Also, this game didn't have the "Special" moniker when it was released in the West, which I think would confuse people into thinking that the PS2 version is the same when it isn't, but then again even an idiot would realise that the PS2 doesn't support widescreen and has less graphics capabilities compared to the PS3.

The main thing is that six additional characters have been decloned and given unique weapons and new Musou Modes (which are available from the beginning). These characters are Zhang He (who gets his claws back), Cao Pi, Taishi Ci (who also gets his twin rods back), Ling Tong, Ma Chao and Yueying. Amidst these new Musou Modes, five new stages have been added, with some notable inclusions being the Battle of Jiangdong (which is separate from the existing Battle of the Wu Territory) and Struggle at Hebei (which is where you finish off Yuan Shao after his army was defeated at Guandu).

Other changes have been made to suit the reduced graphics capabilities of the PS2. Swimming is one element that has been removed; some deep water areas have been made shallow or inaccessible, most notably in Fan Castle where the floodwaters are shallow or in Chibi where the gongs to move ships have also been removed. Duels have been removed and replaced with highlight battles akin to DW5.

In Japan, this game was released over two discs, with Disc 1 containing the Musou Modes for Wei and Wu characters (excluding Gan Ning and Sun Jian) and Disc 2 containing the Musou Modes for Shu and Other characters along with Gan Ning and Sun Jian. In the USA, the game was released on a dual-layer disc, which again caused issues on some PS2s like SW2XL did.

Even without considering the discs though, players have experienced issues that somewhat affect the gameplay experience. The game has been known to lag, controller inputs may not be read correctly and enemies are prone to disappear and reappear. The latter issue causes some powerful soldiers to become stealthy, where they will come out of nowhere and attack you before disappearing again.

The PSP port is more optimised compared to (what I've heard about) the PS2 port and is also the port I've been playing DW6 on for over a decade. It was also the time when I made the rookie mistake of assuming that this was DW5 (because this is Shin Sangoku Musou 5), so I ended up playing a different game to what I was expecting.

Meng Huo is also added in the PSP port after making a return in Empires, appearing with the Shu forces at Hanzhong, Jieting and the Wuzhang Plains. Character selection lines have been added when selecting characters in Musou Mode, the lines being taken from the PS3 port of Strikeforce. While the PSP port omits encounter, defeat and praise lines from being heard when played by itself, installing data to the Memory Stick and enabling data to be loaded from it allows those lines to be voiced, making this the first PSP port of a Warriors game to be fully voiced. Loading times are also shortened but they were fast enough as they were already.

The PS2 version might work better if played on an emulator, but otherwise, you can play the PSP version as it is better and less buggy.

Rant: The Koei Tecmo Merger

Around this generation of Warriors games, you may begin to notice a change in the opening logos of the games, most particularly the Koei logo changing to the Koei Tecmo (KT) logo. From 2008 to 2010, the two companies Tecmo and Koei merged to form Tecmo Koei Holdings and their subsidiaries were rebranded and restructured before Tecmo was declared disbanded. In 2014, the company's name was renamed to Koei Tecmo to better represent the ordering in their logo and in 2016, another company restructure led to the Tecmo brand name being abandoned for good. But what were the circumstances behind the merger and how did it contribute to Koei Tecmo's later "budgetary limitations"?

On 1 January 2006, Tecmo's president Junji Nakamura announced his resignation from the company, naming Yoshimi Yasuda his successor. Later that year in September, a former female employee filed a lawsuit against Tecmo and Tomonobu Itagaki, senior executive officer and head of Team Ninja, claiming that Itagaki sexually harassed her and that after she lodged a complaint with the company, was demoted and had her salary reduced to the point where she was essentially forced to quit. Tecmo stated that Itagaki, the female employee and their associates mixed their private and work matters, causing trouble within the company and as a result, all of them were demoted and had their salaries reduced.

In December 2007, the Tokyo District Court ruled that Itagaki did not commit sexual harassment, which was appealed by the female employee. Throughout the first half of 2008, Itagaki was demoted from being an executive officer to a creative officer before the Tokyo High Court dismissed the employee's lawsuit in May. Tecmo would acknowledge that socially unacceptable behaviour had taken place, but stood by Itagaki's actions not constituting sexual harassment.

Around the same time, Tomonobu Itagaki filed a lawsuit against Tecmo and president Yoshimi Yasuda for 148 million yen while also announcing his resignation on 1 July 2008. In his statement to the media, which was also translated into English on his request, Itagaki claimed that he was owed completion bonuses and was also suffering emotional distress due to disparaging statements from Yasuda. Itagaki was fired by Tecmo two weeks before his planned resignation and as a result, he raised his claim to 164 million yen, the raise reflecting what he should have earned had he been allowed to resign as planned.

Around the same time again, two Tecmo union executives, representing all 300 employees, filed a lawsuit against the company for 8.3 million yen in unpaid overtime pay (over two years as per the statute of limitations), the staff having been illegally moved to a "flexible hours" system in 2004 that apparently justified Tecmo not paying them for overtime. Yoshimi Yasuda resigned as president at the end of August 2008 for "personal reasons" and the lawsuit with the union executives was settled soon after. By March 2009, Tecmo's labour union became defunct after all their members resigned following the settlement. Itagaki's lawsuit with Tecmo would be settled in February 2010. The terms for both settlements were not made public.

On a side note, former president Junji Nakamura also filed a lawsuit in February 2007, seeking nearly 170 million yen in retirement benefits (severance pay). According to an online comment from a former employee of the company (made 21 June 2008 under this article), this was after Tecmo's board of directors apparently decided to not to pay him any retirement benefits after Nakamura was found to have embezzled company funds, likely meaning that Nakamura was actually fired, but former chairman and founder Yoshihito Kakihara took consideration on him and allowed him to resign so he wouldn't be marked with the shame of being fired. Take this with a grain of salt.

These lawsuits caused significant turmoil in the company and created a golden opportunity for takeover bids. Following Yasuda's resignation in August 2008, Square Enix announced a takeover bid for Tecmo, giving them a week to consider their offer. On 4 September 2008, Tecmo declined the tender offer and instead announced their decision to merge with Koei, citing close relationships between the founders' families at the heart of their decision. The merger was finalised on 1 April 2009.

Given Tecmo's damaged reputation at the time and Koei spending money on the merger along with rebranding and restructuring, I believe that the merger is one reason for the "budget issues" fans would speculate in later years. The Warriors games being a niche franchise certainly didn't help things either.

Dynasty Warriors 6 is part of a bridge between the classic and modern eras of Warriors games. The structure and format plays the same as the classic era, but the changes in aesthetics, designs and weapons paved the way for what we would see in the modern era. The Renbu system wasn't that well received because it took the piss out of button mashing, but I didn't feel that much of a difference between this and DW5. While I do understand why people don't like this game, I actually don't think it was that bad looking back at it, especially compared to what would come much later with DW9.

The transition between the classic and modern eras concludes with the spinoffs for DW6, Empires and Strikeforce/Multi Raid.

Azuma came into the office with two manilla folders. "Alec, Shanna, I need your help to research something for me. Everything you'll need is in these folders."

Alec and Shanna took a folder each and read through them. They were surprised at what Azuma was asking of them.

"My lord, are you seriously asking us to work with the Kwisatz Haderach for this?" questioned Alec.

"Yes. He's the only person I can think of who should have the resources for me to get a proper and detailed answer."

"Wouldn't you owe a favour to him regardless of whether you get the answers you needed or not?" asked Shanna.

"I've been on the Kwisatz Haderach's beck and call for nearly a year now, so surely I'm owed something from him. It was hard mustering up the courage to ask him for help, but he was happy to offer it. Look, I just want to find answers that are different to what I've already known because surely I have to be incorrect or misinformed about something. If you guys can do this, I'll make it worth your while. So how about it?"

"Understood, my lord," said Alec and Shanna.

What was the topic Azuma wanted the Tandy Computer Whiz Kids to research? The answer will be revealed in due time...

[cupidbedsy]

𝙨𝙥𝙞𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙩𝙚𝙖 ; 𝘩𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘦𝘴 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴 ୨୧

➪ summary: 3 times where y/n needs to tell her brothers about the drama going on at her school no matter where they are or who they're with

➪ warnings: stupid high school drama, reader is teased, luke embarrassing the reader, that's it i think (this is mostly dialogue)

➪ word count: 1.5k

➪ file type: new fic (baby bear universe affilate)

➪ sunny's notes: just a quick little funny fic that i came up with, the next baby bear fic (or at least just fic in general for the hughes bros) will be kind of sad i think but that'll come out later, probably after my birthday celly (WHICH IS A WEEK FROM THURSDAY!)

© cupidbedsy (sunflower-lilac42) ; do not copy, repost, or translate my work and designs on any other website or here

hughes brothers masterlist || nhl masterlist || taglist || navigation

⟹ quick recap (feat. brock) ; quinn - 24, reader - 18 ; november of 2023

Quinn hadn’t realized his phone had rung. It was only until Brock stood next to him and was handing him his phone, “It’s your sister. She said she really needs to talk to you.”

He furrowed his eyebrows, “Huh? Why’d she call you? Wait how’d she get your number?”

Then he heard a mumbled voice, “It doesn’t matter, just put the phone to your ear Quintin or call me.”

Brock hung up after being told to and Quinn called back on his, hearing her sad voice enter his ear, “Anna and Neil broke up.”

Quinn shook his head, “Who?”

“You know, Neil Castro and Anna Cunningham? They broke up bro. They were end game too! THis is so rigged.”

“Wait wait, who? You can’t just give me names, y/n/n.” He started walking out of the locker room, grabbing his keys from his back pocket.

“Anna is one of the girls on the team with me and Neil is one of the guys on the football team. They were endgame. I swear I told you about them.”

“Oh is he the one who got you all to do that one cheesy promposal thing last year?”

“Yes! I can’t believe they broke up Quinn, I have no hope for finding a relationship if they didn’t last. Love isn’t real.”

Quinn just chuckled as he got into his car and started driving out of the parking lot, “I’m sure you’ll find someone, y/n/n. Just give it time.”

“You sound like every taken girl who is trying to reassure her single best friend that there’s someone out there for her.” She groaned loudly, “Anway. Other drama I need to catch you up on.”

“Hit me.”

“So David and Pen got together, he asked her out after her game the other day.”

“Is Pen the one who kind of looks like Merida.”

“Yep. And I found out that this guy likes me. Which before you say a single word Quintin, he looks like Jack and I would not like to date someone who looks like my brother thank you very much.”

“Okay then…”

“And he’s a total creep, one time Ruby found him starring at us during practice, like just sitting in the bleachers.”

“Yep I retract my statement that I never said.”

For the next twenty minutes, y/n gets Quinn caught up on all the drama happening, even if it’s the smallest bit of drama, she still needs him to know about it. 

“Okay I have homework to do. Bye Quinn!”

“Bye y/n/n.”

ﾟ +*:୨୧:*﹤

⟹ who told who w/ the new jersey devils ; jack - 20, reader - 15 ; september of 2021

The unexpected running of a phone made the rest of the guys who were in the locker room jump. Each one fumbled for their phones, Jack coming up the lucky one. However, he groaned when he saw who was calling him, “Who is it?”

“My sister.” He threw his jacket on before answering the call, “Hey.”

“Jack oh my god!”

He furrowed his eyebrows, “What’s wrong?”

“‘What’s wrong?’ Nothing. Well, that’s not true, but nothing’s wrong with me personally. I have just have news.”

“Okay…? “ He put it on speaker and placed it on the bench before continuing to put his shoes on.

“So basically, I was in class today and this guy came in.”

“Wait you’re on speaker.”

“Who’s there?”

“Uh Nico, Kevin, Dougie, Daws, Jesper.”

“Oh okay! Ask them if they want to hear the drama!”

Jack eyes his teammates who all shrugged and took a seat near his phone, “Talk away little Hughes.”

She grinned, “This guy came into class today and he had a homecoming poster.”

“Did someone ask you to homecoming?” “What’s homecoming?” “What’d the sign say?”

“Okay okay, hold. Jack; no one asked me to homecoming, Nico; homecoming is a week where kids who graduate can come home, there’s a game on Friday and then on Saturday we have a dance, and Daws; the sign said ‘Would you be my chick at Hoco’ with the Chick-Fil-A logo and food from there.”

They all nodded their heads, her answers fulfilling their questions, “Okay proceed.”

“So Dylan, that’s the guy's name, asked Elizabeth to homecoming but here’s the catch he was still quote-unquote dating Layla.”

“What an ass!” “Sleazy.”

“I know right, but that’s not all.”

The 6 exchange looks at each other, all slowly growing more intrigued by the second, “Go on.”

“Dylan’s about to get sleazier. So Elizabeth was the girl his best friend had a crush on, his best friend was Brandon, and Brandon was going to ask her out to homecoming with the same poster on the same day just later.

”It doesn’t end there. I heard from Shannon, you know who she is Jack, she’s my best friend. Anyway, I heard from Shannon who heard from Brenda who heard from her brother Liam, who heard from his girlfriend Chloe, who heard from Addison that Layla was going to break up with Dylan to ask Brandon to hoco. So I guess Layla wasn’t hurt by it but still, that’s fucking shitty.”

The boys all nodded wordlessly, trying to keep up with all the information that was being thrown at them. Kevin finally spoke, “Aren’t you just a sophomore?”

“That is totally besides the point, Kevin. But these are seniors fyi.”

“And how do you have all the senior drama?”

“One they’re popular, Two I have connections.”

“Connections huh?” Nico’s voice filled her room.

“Yes connections, Nico. I am a very popular girl contrary to people’s belief.”

“Aww, little shy y/n all popular with a bunch of friends.” Jack teases.

“Okay this is not why I called, I’m hanging up now! Bye, boys.”

“Wait wait wait!” 

“Yes, Douglas?”

“Next time shit happens I want to know, I’ll have Jack send you my number.”

“Aye aye, captain.”

“Uh excuse me, I’m captain.”

“Mhm, I’m aware. You’re all Jack talks about, it’s always Nico this and Nico That.” Y/n mocks.

“Goodbye Y/n!”

“Bye Jacky!”

ﾟ +*:୨୧:*﹤

⟹ caught up in it (and so are the umich guys?) ; luke - 19, reader - 16 ; september of 2022

Luke was lounging on the couch surrounded by most of his team members when he got her call. At first, he was hesitant to answer it because he didn’t have the energy to do much but the voice in the back of his mind told him to answer anyway. 

“What’s up, y/n/n?”

“Luke! Okay so, big news. Like massive.”

She could hear his groan on the other side, “Don’t give me that. You’re going to want to hear this. Put me on FaceTime!”

He rolled his eyes but did as instructed. He propped his phone against his water bottle, “Say hi to everyone.”

Everyone’s head popped into the frame and she waved excitedly, “Hi! Oh! You guys are going to want to hear this too.”

Her words caused all of them to scoot closer to Luke to see her better, watching as she talked animatedly, “So apparently wait do you remember Clara and Ruby?”

Luke nodded his head while the others shrugged cluelessly, Luke clueing them in on who people were “Right, so Clara and Ruby have been beefing since like freshman year for no fucking reason.”

“Language.”

“Would you stop with that, I’m eighteen, Lukas.”

“Almost eighteen, y/n. Now continue before I hang up.

She whined, making the others laugh but continued, “We were at practice before the game and suddenly Ruby knocks on my card window with tears streaming down her face.”

Y/n took a sip of her water before going on, “And what happened was that Clara was talking shit about me and Ruby was not having it so-”

“Wait what’d she say about you?” Rutger chimed in from behind Luke.

The girl only shrugged, “No clue, still trying to find that part out. All I’ve heard is that it was pathetic and douchey, so probably not something vary good.”

This caused all the boys’ eyes to narrow at her, “Are you lying?”

“What no? That’s preposterous.”

Luke rolled his eyes, “Tell us.”

“She called me a slut.”

This only made Luke bark out a laugh, “That’s impossible. You haven’t even had your first kiss yet.”

Y/n blushed a bright shade of red, murkiness, “That’s besides the point, Luke. And why do you always have to embarrass me in front of your friends.”

She buried her head into her hands, not daring to look at them. The boys chuckled before Adam spoke, “Don’t worry, we still find you adorable.”

She only blushed harder at his words, Luke hitting him in the arm, “Dude that’s my sister.”

After a few minutes of awkward silence, y/n finally remembered why she called them in the first place, “Right anyway, back to the entire reason we’re talking in the first place.

“Ruby yelled at Clara, like badly but then she talked to Caldwell, one of our coaches, and she’s not in trouble so that’s good. But jeez, I swear yesterday couldn’t have been more chaotic.”

“Well thanks for the update?”

Even though she knew his voice was sarcastic, she still smiled, “Anytime. Now I have to go tell Jack because I know he’s getting out of practice and the last time I told him something Nico and Dougie were there and they wanted to know everything.”

𝗛𝗨𝗚𝗛𝗘𝗦 𝗕𝗥𝗢𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗥𝗦 𝗧𝗔𝗚𝗟𝗜𝗦𝗧 ୨୧

please message me if you didn't get tagged!

@toasttt11 @chiblackhawks @nicole01-23 @shawnshoney @auriesphantom @dancerbailey3 @quinnylouhughesx43 @petite-potato4 @thehuggybearslover @absolutelyhugh3s @kei943 @dyslecticdutchman @delilahhcky

© cupidbedsy (sunflower-lilac42) ; do not copy, repost, or translate my work and designs on any other website or here

[m39]

Doom WADs’ Roulette (2009): Hell Ground

From one, Russian WAD with seven maps to another. But at least this time I had some actual fun.

G1: Hell Ground

Main author(s): Alexander S. (Eternal)

Release date: November 15th, 2009

Version(s) played: ???

Required port compatibility: Boom

Levels: 7

Hell Ground is another Cacoward winner made by Eternal. It was created in around two months and yet it feels like a much higher quality mod than Cheogsh 2, which was for two years in the oven. It feels unreal to me.

But it will be better if I’ll just start talking about this WAD and not waste your time anymore.

Like with his previous Doom maps and WADs, Eternal doesn’t disappoint with how his maps look. In the worst case, they all look good. Warp of Time and Mystery of Hell are the best-looking maps in the WAD; it’s like the author went completely nuts with their design, with MAP04 offering four areas with different color motives, while MAP07 has, among the underground and library areas, monoliths at the end of it that resemble the Citadel from Epic.

Choosing American McGee’s Alice for the WAD’s music tracks was, for the most part, a rather good idea. While I think some of the tracks are too short for the maps that are placed in, stuff like Pool of Tears and Time to Die on the other hand, fit like a glove (these two are also my favorite).

Hell Ground isn’t too complicated. Even on my blind playthrough, I can’t remember getting stuck on any levels aside from probably the library section of the last map.

Now, most of the maps have at least one interesting thing to talk about. Blood Runner, for instance, feels like a homage to Plutonia, specifically, its first map – Congo.

Warp of Time, as I mentioned, is made out of four locations with different color motives each (blue, green, steel/black, and red/pink), plus the hub area with teleporters that will lead you there, cave system before it, and the final area with a small bastion and a well where you have to jump into. The main attraction of the map seems to be inspired by Killer Colours from Alien Vendetta.

Undertaker has the hub area with the big drill (that appears after you deal with the blue key area) that later changes into Hell Revealed’s Descent homage, and later you end up supposedly dead and in Limbo AKA Timeless.

That map is basically an intermission map where you heal yourself up, you do some platforming in Eden along with other puzzles in the main area (which are easier than they look) and you end up in Hell.

Mystery of Hell, asides from the locations I mentioned earlier, has a boss that is, thankfully, not another Icon of Shit. You basically have to shoot him in the eyes, get rid of his guards, and shove rockets into his mouth (you have a moment to do that before the eyes come back). Although I’m gonna be honest with you people, I feel like the boss was bugged, but I’ll get to that later.

I feel in-between about Hell Ground’s difficulty. I don’t think it’s easy; there are some tough moments like the Baron barrage in Warp of Time and the final stretch of Undertaker, but honestly, at this point, after playing so many slaughter maps/WADs, this WAD feels like nothing in comparison. It tends to get cheap, but I feel like I also experienced cheaper crap than what these maps have to offer.

There are two additional obstacles to spice things up. The first is a dark-colored imp that shoots Hell Noble’s fireballs and is around 2.5 times tougher than the regular one, not to mention much faster. Second is the roaming Revenant’s missile that kind of acts like Lost Soul and you can actually destroy it before it attacks you.

Now, I mentioned about the final boss not working properly. I don’t know what happened but I feel like I was unable to shoot the eyes from where I should've done that; like they became non-corporeal or something. It forced me to use cheats to fly up close to them and even then it was around 50% that they would get hit.

Without counting the bugged final boss, Hell Ground is another WAD that is worth checking out. Eternal’s third Cacowards winner in a row, people, and he still slaps… It won’t be the last one.

Now with this review done, I’ll say that the break from reviewing will be indefinite this time. I have uh...

You glance over Hades II and Black Mesa.

...important stuff to do.

chuckling

See ya.

[nityarawal]

11/20/22

"Naughtya" Or Nice?

Morning Songs

*Naughtya Or Nice 

What's It Gonna Be

Naughtya Or Nice

Falling Into A Knitting Voretex

And Wondering

Who Deserves An Infinity

Scarf

This Season Made By Me

#Nitya4Eternity

Shall I Make You

Linen Rustique

Wine Colored

With Super Kid Mohair

From Italy

50% Cotton

45% Linen

Woven Light For Maui

Winter Nights

Looks Like Grapes

With A Ballerinas

Halo - Nude Angelic Fuzz

Or Shall I Make You

A Yellow Infinity Scarf

Of Angora

Tweeded With Cream 

Wool

What Do You Desire

A Tweed

Of Stripes

Yak Wool

Possum

Or Alpalca Soft

Fluffy

And Wooly

What Do You Desire

Don't Send It Back To Me

If Nitya Makes

You An Infinity Scarf

Keep It For Eternity

You Wish You Were My

Handyman

You Wish All The Songs

Were About You

Many Gleaned My Treasures

Often Bouncing On Back

To Me

Jyoti Got My Amber Bracelet

Re-Gifted From Denny Divine

The Czeckoslavakian Modern 

Beautiful Silver Design

Viktor Tichey

Brought It Home

For Me When I Was

In My 20's

An Uncle Who Still Writes

Sends Me Poetry

Jyoti Found My Gold

Velvet Shirt Brought

At The Animal Rescue

Jyoti Found My Journal

She Said Shane Discovered

It On The Point

2019 Writing

I Chased My Muse

And Everything Was

Stolen From Me

Jo Said She Saw My

Rosebud Mirror

By Chille Gonzales

Stashed In Denny's

Under His House

Tina Molina Got My Ipad

And House

Veronica Mars Actress

Her Mommy Died

Mystery

While I Was In Hospital

Brother Said "Keep It!

Enjoy!"

He Pocketed My Iphones

What Verizon Didn't 

Steal With 911

Rape

Who Can We Trust

Not Obama Care

Not Obama Phone

Not IEHP

Inland Empire Health Plan

Insurance

Not TMobile Or Verizon

Who Can We Trust

Not DMV

Who Can We Trust

Not Social Security

I Went In Last Week

To Get My 

Card

Carmel Benson Threw Away

My Boss At Idyology

Went To Palm Springs

But Got A Letter Dated

From SSI Hemet

Angela Loveland

On November 9th

Harassing Me

She Says She Wants "Proof"

ID on Haloween 

Wasn't Enough

To Get Fleeced

By SSI Cops Last Week

No

She Can't Networ

With Miss Florence

In Her Office

She Can't See The

Computer Screen

So She Threatens 

On A Bribe

A Few Weeks

After Last Guy

What About Last Month 

They Threatened To Cut

My Benefits

Did An Interview

On WiFi

Emergency Intervention

Will Miss Florence

Have To Do It Again

Or Will I Leave 

California

So I Don't Die

Joanna Keeps Calling

From IEHP

To Say She Can Do

"NOTHING!"

About My Grievances

She Wants A Call

Back But I Haven't

Got Time

Nor Reception

For Oathkeepers Stole

My Lines And Slumlorded

Me Off Valleyview

Tollgate

Country Club

Saunders Meadows 

In Idyllwild

Hygeia In Leucadia

And Averill

In Mountain Center

Airbnb

Barbara Bradford Trail

They Stole My Phones

And Everything I Own

Country Trolls

Harass US

I Don't Like Your Voice

Joanna- What Happened

To Samantha

You Promised to Get Her back

Last Summer

I Don't Like Your Services

At IEHP

Or 911

Rape Services

How Many Did You Kill

How Many Did You Assault

How Many Did You Rape

How Many Did The Feds

Slumlord

No Different Than Nazis

Handsome Uneducated Young Men

Officers Trained to Rape

Kill

How Many Beat

Out Of Blue Shield

Insurance

Verizon

Triple A

Lexus

Toyota

Wells Fargo

Amex

Fidelity

BBofA

How Many Beat

Out Of Their Homes

How Many Bribes

Did Joanna 

Samantha And

David

Take With Airbnb

And PNC Bank

Jerry Sue Haney

Sheriff Bianco And

DA Michael Hestrin

Judge Clark

For Ex Team To 

Almost Kill Me

How Many Bribes

Did IEHP Take To

Withhold My Address

For over 2 Years

Like PNC Bank

For 6 Months

Will This Go On For 

Years

How Long Does It Take

To Correct An Address

Multiple Calls

Drugged Staff

Benjamin Said He'd Do It

But Printed Up The

Old Bank Statement Anyway

With An Old Address

Thursday At PNC

Bank

How Many People

How Many Requests 

How Many Years

Does It Take

To Change An Address

How Many Days A

Week Do You Expect

Me To Grieve You

How Many Hours

Wasted On The Phone

TMobile Said They'd

Connect Me To WiFi

But Lied From The Phillipenes

Manager 

Said It Was Down

When It's Never Been Up

First Jarrold Then John

Hours On The Phone

No WiFi Adaptors

After All

And Had To Drive

An Hour

To Palm Dessert

TMobile

Sent On A Wild

Goose Chase

By The Girl

That Didn't Know

Next Time I'll Video It

They Want Me To Talk To

Their Tech Team

Naive About Black

Hole on Highway 74

Murder Capital

An Accident A Day

Don't You

Talk To

Law Enforcement 

How Many Tesla

Drivers Disappear

Killed By Sheriff Bianco

Never To Release A

Pathology Report

Will Rollins

Almost Congressman

You Got Issues

Serve 40% Houseless

And Get Our Kids

Cars Registered

Insured

Safely

Prudent

Cellular Up

Before You Demand

Our Votes

You Couldn't Even Call Me

Because T Mobile is Down

And It's Never

Been Up

Always Has Been

Down

In East Riverside

No WiFi In Mountain Center

Or Anza

Sir - You Lost Your Job

I Asked The Democrats

To Provide Fair Custody

I Asked The Republicans

But You All Denied

My Alimony

Child Support

Parent Estrangement

Swept Under Rug

Alienation

Who Bought Twitter

With You Elon

Better Not Be

#PrinceOfPegging England

Arabs

Because Those 4000

Trans Soldiers

In Tehran

Your Daughter Offered

Her Life To Save 

A Mother's Defense That Doesn't

Exist- It Didn't Protect 

Nancy Pelosi

Or Her Husband

Or Lakshmi's Husband

Salman Rushdie

The Fatwa Is On You

It's Domestic In-House

Terrorism

America

Have You Been Naughtya

Or Nice-to-Ya

Have You Been Written

"Write N" Was Best

License Plate I Saw

Last Week

Poetry From God

"PS Yoga" Was Pretty

Swell Too

Naughtya Or Nice-To-Ya

Do You Deserve A

Knit

#NityaForEternity

Tell Me How

You'll Mediate Fix It

#Nitya4Anjali 

#Nitya4Kyan

An Infinity Scarf

A Badge Of Honor

Mohair

Angora

Cashmere

Possum

Yak

Alpaca Wool

Are You Naughtya Or

Nice On Our Mothers 

Defense

Will You Go Down In History

With An Infinity Scarf

For Eternity

If You Deserve Such

Honors

Tell Me Why

And Walk Your Talk

Will You Go Down

In History With

An Infinity Scarf By

#Nitya4Eternity 

Jyoti And Oceana

Gave Me Clothes

Vanessa A Silver Cowboy Belt Buckle

And Whatever She Had

My Country Club Gals

Affected On All Sides

Of Adrien's Murder

All Need Our Things

Returned

Some Have Nothing

But They Give Everything

Re-Purposing Every

Dime And Piece Of Art

Washing Old Threads

Living With Indian

Mantras

Hanging Cloths

Dyed Batik

Indonesian Prints

Gypsies Playing Drums

Love Us

Share As Moms

And Don't Deserve

Idyllwild Realty

Slumlordings

Militia Stole Our Phones

Courts Raped

Trafficked

Even Jessica Nolan

Happened To Leave

Me A Hotel

Gift Certificate Voucher

For Soboba Casino Hotel

At The Post Office

Give Away Counter

These Gals Are The Fiber

Soul Of Our Town

Vanessa Lost Her IDs

Stolen Identity

Babies

Old Man

Can't Get A Home 

Or Benefits

These Girls Are The

Fiber The Soul Of Our

Town

Oceana Gave Me Yarn

My Mom Sent 

My Old Stash

Of Luxury Italian

Wine 

Cream 

Nude

Soft

Devas

To Spin Around Your

Neck

A Badge For Infinity

Don't Forget

I Knit Those Rows

With Prayers For You

I Pearled Those Edges

So Our Stitches Won't

Fall Apart

I Won't Forget You

In All The Years I've

Known You- Colors

Auras Stand Out

In My Painted

Ruby Lights

Yarn

For "Fantasy"

#BritneySpears

Spanish Aroma And

Rose Woven Into Every

Prayer

Have You Been Naughtya

Or Nice

Only God Knows

The Bird Will Fly

This Thanksgiving

Have You Been Naughtya

Or Nice?

Nitya Nella Davigo Azam Moezzi Huntley Rawal 

*Naughtya- Coined By Gigolo Darin David (Diego) Joye Of "Birds Of Olympus" And "Old Yellers" 

[addierose444]

Microsoft Perks+, Student Loans, and Rock Climbing

Microsoft has a number of great benefits, but one of the most fun ones is definitely Perks+ which essentially allows employees to be reimbursed for up to $1,500 in wellness-related expenses per year. That’s oversimplification though because it’s not a true reimbursement in that the funds are actually additional taxable income. However, as I’ll discuss shortly there is one key exception to this rule. It’s also worth noting that, the cap is reduced by half for employees like myself whose start date is in the second half of the calendar year. Additionally, interns qualify for $400 worth of Perks+.

So what cool thing am I using my Perks+ for? Student loans. Yeah, I know, so much for a fun benefit! I made this decision because it allows me to get the full Perks+ amount. This is because student loans are that one exception tax-free exception. While my Perks+ is technically being used for my student loans and likely will be for the foreseeable future, I think of it as being used for rock climbing. I know that makes no sense, let me explain. The reality is that between working an on-campus job throughout college and two well-paying summer internships, I was fortunate enough to graduate college with savings greater than my student loan balance. Therefore, I think of my student loan payments as coming from savings which allows me to mentally realocate my Perks+ dollars. 

As you may know from earlier blog posts, I used my Perk+ for rock climbing last summer as well. Specifically, I climbed at the Freemont location of Seattle Bouldering Project pretty much every weekend and invested in climbing shoes and a harness (which also came with an ATC, carabiner, chalk bag, and chalk). You can read more about this in my summer of bouldering blog post. While I did discover my love of climbing prior to college, it wasn’t until last summer that I started making time for it. Honestly one of the main regrets I have from my time at Smith is not taking better advantage of the various climbing opportunities. Fortunately, during my senior year, I was able to take a rock climbing course through the exercise and sports studies department, visit the climbing wall in my free time, and go on three amazing outdoor rock climbing trips through the Outdoor Adventure Program. 

Now that I’m living in Redmond, Seattle Bouldering Project isn’t a realistic option as all of their locations are much too far away. Fortunately, Edgeworks has a Bellevue location that is within biking distance of my apartment! Another nice thing about Edgworks is that they have walls for bouldering, top rope climbing, and lead climbing. In addition, they have a small fitness room and offer yoga classes designed specifically for rock climbers. I was initially hoping to get back into climbing at the start of August but realized that it may be better to acclimate more to my new working life. Furthermore, after badly scraping up my knee during my bike ride to Seattle, I was essentially forced to put off my return to climbing. My knee is still healing as of now, but I’m no longer limping and at high risk for infection. 

I’ll also be honest that I was in a bit of analysis paralysis on whether I should go the membership, punch card, or day pass route. Yeah, I literally made a spreadsheet comparing my different options! The math works out such that I need to climb at least five times a month to justify the membership long-term. This is very reasonable, but I also had to consider the start-up fee and months like November and December during which I have planned holiday travel. Applying the start-up fee exclusively to the first month means that eight visits are required to justify the membership in month one. Ultimately, I decided to bite the bullet and get the membership. It’s definitely expensive, but rationalizing with Perks+ helps. Furthermore, by pre-paying each month I’m incentivized to get out of my apartment and do something I enjoy. It had been about four months since I’d last climbed so my body is still getting used to climbing again, but so far it’s been a lot of fun getting back into climbing and I’m really looking forward to lots more climbing in the near future!

[chloemarievaughan]

And we’re off! May 19, Ghent

The last time I left the country was following college graduation on 2015, went on a fantastic family trip to Europe, and then my family flew home and I did another three weeks solo, had the absolute best time, flew home and the next month moved to Nashville, started grad school and quickly realized… my grad school budget did not leave much room for international travel 😂 then in 2020 the funniest thing happened… and my passport expired!

Fast forward to 2023 and Mike Vaughan decides to hike the Appalachian trail (he’s thriving and having the best time! He’ll be done in November) and so Lori Holycross Vaughan was suddenly available to be my travel buddy! got my passport renewed, we picked a date and decided on a ten day trip to Belgium and the Netherlands! Fitting because I ended my last international trip in Brussels 🙂

Writing this on the plane to London… Mom and I made it to the airport, thanks to Grandma Jean for the ride! I’m supposed to be sleeping. I am sitting in the worst possible spot for sleeping because my two neighbors are fascinating strangers and have struck up a super interesting conversation and I am hooked. (Are they flirting? is this a rom com meet cute?) the man is from England and was former military and now does some sort of international sports job where he teaches people about cricket, the sport. Sounds fake to me (the sport and the job). He has traveled a lot and his favorite country so far was Uzbekistan. The girl is from New York City and used to have an 80 year old roommate who owned an Italian bakery and baked her cannolis every day while she was studying, and she just got back from a trip to the Galapagos where she was doing some sort of cruise and hopefully something turtle related. Now they are talking about every single sport they are both interested in, the man is hoping ice hockey will become more popular in the UK, the woman prefers college basketball to the NBA. I hope they fall in love after this but they NEED to stop talking I am never going to go to sleep if they continue to be this interesting 😂

Update: the three year old across the aisle to me has now started singing loudly, I’m not sure which is worse for my odds of falling asleep… 4 hours to go 😬

-Miracle of miracles I fell asleep! Before they stopped talking too!

Update #3: Kristen and Dan exchanged names and numbers before getting off the plane! Very cute. but annoying 😂

Mom and I saved a few hundred dollars by flying into London and taking the Eurostar to Belgium… added some complexity into our journey though. Landed in London at 6 am, (we were the first plane to land once the airport opened haha), and then had an hour ride on the tube (thought of Dad while we heard “mind the gap” over and over again). Then we had a Eurostar to Belgium, but we were Extremely early. We went for a stroll around St Pancras Station, watched some double decker buses passing by at Pret a Manger with some Americanos. it felt like 3 am to us at this point. Eventually meandered back to St Pancras to check in for the Eurostar. When I went to London in 2015, it was pre Brexit, and so we didn’t need to go through immigration at the Eurostar, but now we did. It was fine and really didn’t take long but it seems like the station was not really designed with immigration in mind and there were SO many people in the station waiting to board the Eurostar. Most off to Paris+ Disneyland Paris, but some were on our train to Brussels, which had its final destination in Amsterdam. Our train on a Friday afternoon could more accurately be described as the drunk stag party train… even with earplugs it was the absolute loudest train I had ever been on. And I thought the Kristen and Dan saga preventing me from sleeping earlier was the worst… didn’t realize how much worse it could be. Seemed like they were all having a blast on the way to Amsterdam but again I didn’t really get any sleep haha.

Once we arrived in Brussels, we immediately got on the next train to Gent. While it was a really nice train, it was the wrong one- we were supposed to go on a direct train to Ghent taking 30 minutes and instead we stopped at every station and took over an hour to get there. Then we got our City Card- 48 hours of Ghent museums, public transportation and travel opportunities. We could have (in retrospect should have!) taken a tram to the city center/ where our hotel was, but decided to stretch our legs due to being tired of sitting down on trains and planes for hours and hours. this was a mistake as moms phone was getting close to dying, there were really narrow sidewalks, and cobblestone streets made it unpleasant to wheel our suitcases around for 30 minutes haha. Also, Ghent is absolutely Jam Packed with People this weekend- aparently unbeknownst to us it was a holiday weekend in Belgium and also there was some sort of festival. Finally made it to the hotel, recovered a bit, freshened up, and went on a stroll of the surrounding areas (spoiler alert: weather is Fantastic and I’m already in love with Ghent just from our stroll) and the sat in the St Baafs church square near our hotel and had an absolutely fantastic meal + some large, much needed Belgian beers. Now back in the hotel, relearned some old card games from long ago while trying desperately to stay awake until 9 pm to help us adjust to the time change. 27 minutes left until 9pm local time as I finish up this post… not sure I’m gonna make it 😂 more to come!

[bugflies00]

i think most of us, when seeing a piece of dsmp fanart - even if we don't have the post dates setting on - can immediately tell roughly when it was drawn. theres several reasons for that in my opinion

first off, and i think the most obvious, the character designs give it away a lot of the time. like at the very beginning of the dsmp fandom the designs weren't really developed, people basically just drew the minecraft skins - it's as time went on that the personas developed into true rp fictional characters, and the fans appropriated them and their designs and made them their own. just like, for example, ctommy went from just being tommy's streaming persona into a full fledged character with his own story and narrative arcs etc, his design went from just being tommy's minecraft skin into becoming c!tommy. like a Character. and so the designs started to vary and become more intricate, and fanmade design elements became so popular that it became like a staple of the design (the green bandana is the best example in my opinion, and even the blue cardigan later on, though less). and thats so cool to me like the fact that tommy's skin, apart from exile, Has Not Changed since july 2020 and yet his design in fanart has evolved SO MUCH is so so cool. and in i think like 2021, when the lore started to slow down and people had less story material to digest on a daily basis and had more time to reflect and create their own stuff, the designs and fanart just got even more all over the place (this is also when hybrid designs became super popular!! and also the whole blue cardigan + butterfly clips ctommy debacle, which i think really represent how much further fancontent had taken canon material). and i use ctommy as an example but like ctubbo is also such a cool example. like nowadays if you put an image of a goat or something in like an animatic or whatever, people instantly know its ctubbo. and that was FANMADE. maybe im just clueless and this is also a thing in other fandoms, but the fact that a FANMADE hybrid design became SO popular is so cool. and you can immediately tell what year a ctubbo fanart is from - if its the green shirt + human design it's 2020, if it's a goat hybrid it's 2021-now, and a lot of the art that uses the nuke theme was also 2021. and often you can even tell if a drawing was Drawn in 2022-2023 but was meant to Represent the early 2020 era, because it still looks different from art Drawn in 2020 (like the design, despite having often the green shirt, is still more intricate like they'll often incorporate the budding goat horns or something).

second, and this one is much harder to describe, but the like. Themes? Composition? has changed a lot. of course this could be explained by the fact that it's rare for new fans to discover dsmp, so most artists are the same as the early days and they've just evolved as artists and changed/improved (though i dont think one's worse than the other) their style, but theres a difference. i think it also has to do with the pacing of lore - or even total lack of lore in recent times. like back in the beginning, there were DAILY streams, and important lore events were part of those streams. there was so much content, All The Time. and firstly this did create that pressure that lots of online artists in the dsmp fandom have since criticised, about the constant urge to push out art for whatever lore had went down that week. and i think the really fast pace of it all, while great sometimes for the Viewing aspect (theres no odd gaps in narrative pacing like for example between cwilbur's last apology streams), left very little time to like. Process all of it. and so art from that era tends to be very focused on like. One Event. like the One Big Thing that happened that week - think the elections, november 16th, tommy getting exile, etc. of course there were references to past events etc, but it was more often than not depictions of like. The Current Thing that was happening. or like Your Take on What Happened. and i feel like this really evolved as lore turned more sparse and fans had more time to reflect on all of it As A Whole. and so since i would say 2021-2022, i've found that fanart tends to be less the depiction of One Scene, and rather more like a Collection of scenes, of themes; like a study of a character or a symbol etc. am i making sense here? like the dsmp fanart you see on your dash nowadays is Rarely just a drawing of cphil killing cwilbur on november 16th (unless someone is on a nostalgia spree and reblogging old art) (yes thats me sorry); more often than not, it'll be one of 3 things: 1) some kind of AU/original design or like "putting x character in x clothes!" 2) shipping/platonic pairing stuff 3) some kind of like. drawing of a character that englobes Several themes and aspects. do you understand. like since it's all Happened already, people rarely draw the Scenes anymore; rather they focus on the character as a Whole, since we have all the canon elements in hand already. but of course yadda yadda theres always exceptions and i personally alwyas LOVE to see people re-explore the story and redraw old scenes like i adore it don't get me wrong. but it's definitely become less common because we have a more global view now

so yeah theres definitely a bunch of factors here and if you have other ideas PLEASE tell me about it i love talking about this

i need to make a post about the differences in dsmp fanart between 2020 and now . someone remind me

[kithtaehyung]

Last November (M)

title: last november (m) post date: december 14th, 2020, 8pm est  ⤷ revamped/extended: march 27th, 2021, 10pm est pairing: seokjin x reader(f) genre: angst, smut, exes to lovers au summary: you two broke up on good terms. even seeing each other on your friends’ yearly end-of-november trip was never awkward. so why did this trip feel so different? and why does it feel like the end of something that wasn’t even there in the first place? warnings: angst, bad puns and jokes, mutual pining, light dom/sub undertones, oral sex (m/f receiving), nipple play, hair-pulling, choking, rough sex, unprotected sex (pls be responsible!), dirty talk, spanking, creampie, seokjin is a consent king, did i say angst?, did i also say bad puns and jokes? mobile users: alt link if this doesn’t open in tumblr ➛ AO3 word count: 23.7k 24.7k !!

-

-

On the last Friday of every November, your group of friends piled into two cars and set off into the mountains. 

Ever since you all graduated from high school years ago, everyone branched off into their individual, intricate walks of life. Different towns, different jobs, different social circles. 

But before those grand adventures started, each of you promised one thing: a yearly trip to keep the friendship alive.

This time around, you happened to be in the “decidedly more fun” car as Jimin, Taehyung, and your longtime friend Rin jammed the backseat with singing and road trip games. Since Seokjin took driver, you claimed navigator, leaving the front of the vehicle a bit muted compared to the other half. Which was fine - you always loved relaxing on the sidelines while your friends played with chaos and hilarity. 

Namjoon kept you company from time to time, too, so you weren’t completely alone in your preferred space.  

The only thing that could’ve made the ride awkward was if you and Seokjin were on bad terms. 

It wasn’t every day you found yourself sitting beside your ex, after all. 

But that simple fact didn’t phase you. The truth was that your breakup was clean and painless - a massive relief to your friends. Back then, it would have torn everyone to pieces picking sides. 

The split was so organic that you couldn’t recall an awful reason why it happened. Separation proved as natural as the changing of seasons: you had moved away for university and he powered through his own medical pursuits. Over time, the relationship simmered to a text every few days, resulting in the night in which you decided that it was better to remain friends.

What sucked was the fact that, over the course of time after the breakup, you fell for Seokjin. Annoying, charming, incredible Seokjin. 

You didn’t come to terms with it until last November, when you watched his eyes sparkle under an indigo ocean of stars and it just clicked. Agony carved into your heart some nights when you thought about nothing else, but you couldn’t admit your feelings. Not when you two decided that your river had run its course. You couldn’t risk smothering the last embers of your relationship, so radio silence remained your lonely swan song. 

Of course you wanted to admit it. You wanted to tell him. Because no matter who came after, they all fell short. Every smile flashed your way, every pair of arms wrapped around your torso, every night spent between the sheets. Nothing compared to what you got from Jin. That man created a hole in your heart that lingered in his wake, a hole through which all of your subsequent relationships plummeted. 

The truth was simple: you didn’t want to ruin what you had. Even if what you two would always be was just friends, that endgame was enough for you.

At least, that’s what you told yourself. Every night when you couldn’t sleep, and every morning when you woke up to an empty bed.

Your vision snapped into focus as your phone screen bloomed. The maps app signaled for a turn, so you relayed the direction to Seokjin, who repeated the direction out loud before following through.

Just like always.

The road in front of you melted into a different scene entirely as you recalled why he started that habit. It sprouted from one of your car rides to a diner situated on the other side of your hometown. 

During the drive, you did your best as navigator, but your boyfriend was so into the music playing that he missed some turns. One errant right later had you both terribly lost, the surrounding area swallowing the car in darkness. On instinct, you dove into defense mode, trying and failing not to outright panic.

“My maps won’t load,” you stuttered, hitting the screen with your finger, “Shit, shit, shit.”

“Don’t worry, I can just—”

“Don’t tell me not to worry,” you bit out. “Let’s just get out of here.” You hated how pure paranoia pricked at the corners of your eyes. Getting lost was completely irksome and going back home was more appealing to you than moving forward with the date. 

“Okay. I won’t,” Seokjin assured you, turning the wheel and rolling the car out from the shadowy street. “How can I help instead?”

“Oh, umm.” With grateful eyes, you stared at your boyfriend and admired his consideration. You’ve never been asked that while upset before. “You could, uh, repeat the directions before following them? That might help.” 

His lips curved into a smile, and streetlights flooded the car to bathe his sincerity in a warm glow. “Repeat directions, you got it.”

The memory faded as you blinked and observed the endless mountain range enveloping the road. Snow topped the summits in white caps; coniferous trees swallowed the steep slopes. As if reminiscence clogged your ears, the music in the car seemed louder outside your broken reverie. 

Taehyung, as always, took charge of the aux. He usually had an eclectic mix of tunes on rotation but, that time, nothing but upbeat Christmas music was queued. You had to admit: merry music coating the car windows and mountainous scenery claiming your entire vision put you in the best mood. 

It was even better when Seokjin sang along. You really did like his singing voice. 

“I like my singing voice, too.” 

Your eyes snapped toward the driver, expression freezing over as you drank in his delight. Did you really say that out loud? You knew Seokjin enough to know that he was never going to let that go. 

“Yeah, well…” You lazily swatted his grin away. “Don’t flatter yourself.” 

Seokjin chuckled, his hands comfortably resting on the wheel. “Are you offering to do that for me? It’s minimum wage, but I’d hire you.”

Rolling your eyes felt like the only appropriate response, so you did exactly that, your exasperated gaze looping around to land on your phone. “Relish this moment, Seokjin,” you advised, zooming out in the maps app to make sure you were still heading in the right direction, “Because it won’t happen again. And take the next exit. We’re almost there.” 

“Yes, yes, next exit.” You missed the smirk on his face as he scanned the roadside for the telltale sign. “Moment relished,” he quipped, “But I prefer my moments with ketchup and mustard.” 

Your groan drowned in his boisterous laughter, but the hand on your face betrayed you since it couldn’t quite cover up the glee that formed right after. 

An hour later, everyone had unloaded the vehicles at the campgrounds and pitched the tents. While Hoseok and Jungkook worked on starting the fire pit, Namjoon and Jimin took their time organizing the food and snacks. Rin had disappeared with Taehyung somewhere, but Yoongi said he spotted them taking pictures a ways off. 

“They should be helping,” he muttered. “There’s a lot to do before it gets dark out.” 

Squatting down to rotate sizzling meat on your portable grill, you waved him off. “They’re shot-swapping since it’s golden hour.” 

The silence that followed gave you pause. When you looked up in curiosity, Seokjin and Yoongi regarded you like a foreign language coated your tongue, their struggle to decipher it earning a chuckle of pity. 

“They’re both huge influencers, so they know how to take pictures. They always do this when we get together,” you explained, spinning the kebab onto another side, “And golden hour is around sunrise and sunset. It looks like everything is soaked in gold, and it makes your pictures look pretty. But that’s an old term already! You geezers should keep up.” 

Yoongi simply raised an eyebrow and kneeled to turn his designated stick. Smoke from the charred meat wafted into your noses as he declined, “I’ll pass. That sounds stressful.” 

A rapid clapping of tongs next to your ear preceded Seokjin’s offer, “What are we waiting for? Let’s golden hour swap!” 

Why did he have to be so endearing? A cough escaped your throat, disjointed laughs following right after in their awkward escape. Beside you, Yoongi flung condescension Jin’s way, his voice stocked with disappointment as he warned, “Don’t speak. You age yourself.” 

You transferred your kebabs to a foiled plate before standing, blood rushing to your lower legs. Seokjin was unleashing a hearty tirade at the other man grilling when you intervened, “That sounds nice, actually. I’m in a photography class so I was planning on taking some photos anyways. Lemme just get my camera.” 

As you walked away, you couldn’t escape the abrupt change in atmosphere hovering over the grills, its looming tension caressing the back of your coat in a slight push. The words exchanged were soft in volume, but their possible meanings stayed clanging in your ears. 

“Did you tell her yet?” 

“No.” 

“Do it. She deserves to know.” 

You slipped out of your tent with a heavy jacket and lightheadedness. Medicine would’ve helped with the latter, but the med kit Seokjin packed remained strictly for emergencies. Besides, you couldn’t quite slap a bandage on what was truly bothering you anyways. 

As you inspected your class-registered Polaroid, you continued to wonder what Yoongi meant earlier. 

What was he implying? You deserved to know what? You couldn’t say the feeling swirling around your gut was a positive one. After all, there was a distinct difference in what a person should know, and what a person deserved to know. What was so important that Yoongi practically ordered Seokjin to spill? 

Was there another person in his life now? That was one thing that crossed your mind, but you filed that under the “should know” category, even though it twisted your stomach to think about.

The news had to be something urgent. 

Was Seokjin getting married? 

Without your permission, vessels in your heart shriveled, squeezing life from your already battered soul. A betrothal was entirely possible with his pursuit of a medical degree and coming from a well-to-do family. Maybe he was in an arrangement? 

That possibility dropped an anvil on your chest. You couldn’t say that you were completely fine were that the truth. How could you be fine with something like that if you loved him? Of course, you would be happy if he was, but your heart would require recuperation for an extended amount of time. Give or take a few years. 

You wandered so far into the depths of your mind that Seokjin’s sudden appearance kicked you back to shore, a yelp leaving your mouth at the same time your Polaroid left your hands. If the camera wasn’t hanging from your neck, you would’ve been in deep shit with your professor as soon as it hit the cold soil. 

Its bulky frame definitely bruised your lower chest on the downswing, though. “Ow. Geez, Jinnie, you can’t just sneak up on people like that.” 

Your eyes widened in realization. Jinnie? Shit, you hadn’t called him that since you guys were dating. Quite obviously, the stockpile of thoughts and worries involving his secret were blocking your brain from better judgment. 

And apparently you weren’t the only one affected by that nickname because Seokjin’s eyebrows shot into his dark locks, his peculiar glance shifting away. Odd. 

After an awkward second, he cleared his throat. “Does it hurt?” 

Is it supposed to? You knew he was inquiring about your injury but your thoughts drifted to what hadn’t been divulged yet. “No, it’s fine,” you lied. “Let’s pick a spot before we lose the light.” 

You don’t remember how long you walked, but the pair of you ended up far from the original campsite. 

In your defense, it wasn’t like you planned that outcome. The trees matched at every turn, so you kept wandering until you found a good clearing - or at least some rocks to break the forested monotony. 

A foil to your pickiness, Seokjin voiced his thoughts every ten paces, his votes of confidence constantly crushed by your boots. If you had a cent for every time he declared a spot “the one,” you could actually afford the Polaroid dangling from your neck. 

It was at a calm clearing with some patches from last snowfall where you decided to settle. 

Unhooking the strap from your neck, you ushered, “Let’s do this quick. It’s almost over.” 

“I wanna do it first!” You thought Seokjin meant to take the camera from you, but instead he scuttled into the clearing, striking a pose once he reached its center. Of course the fool meant that he wanted his pictures taken and not the other way around. How was any other idea plausible? “Hurry up, you said!” 

“The ‘S’ in Seokjin stands for ‘Selfish,’” you yelled, positioning the Polaroid against your eye regardless. His face enlarged in the lens and, to his credit, you couldn’t argue that he was the clear model between you two. The man could pursue a career in fashion instead of medicine and you wouldn’t bat an eye. 

He looked handsome merely standing there, cheeks dimpling at nothing in particular and his charm ever effortless. Even the slight bags under his eyes didn’t take away from his natural beauty. 

Par for the course with Seokjin. That unbothered self-assurance was one of the traits you liked and hated about him. 

At least, initially. The more you got to know him, your outlook on that defining characteristic was one of admiration, not hatred. You simply needed to start shoving some of that confidence down your own throat like a different type of vitamin C.

After a telltale camera snap, the man threw out his coated arms in another pose. “And the ‘Seok’ stands for ‘Seok in my presence!’” 

“I think I’ve been in it long enough. My fingers are pruny,” you droned while lowering your Polaroid, ignoring his wiggling in the background. It seemed you were still accustomed to his ridiculousness. 

Yet another thing you gave him credit for: he was never afraid to be a dork. When you first met him, you admittedly thought he was faking it. Over time, you recognized his authenticity, and you grew fond of everything wrapped in the gift that was Kim Seokjin.

You waited for the picture to materialize in your hand. When your impatient model approached you and asked why you weren’t shaking the polaroid, you informed him that you should, in fact, not do that. “It’ll damage the final product!” 

“So that song is…” 

“Wrong. Yes.” 

Pure shock flashed across his face. “What other lies have I been told?”  

The captured memory started blossoming, and you watched as the color bled into life. “That you aren’t the funniest person on the planet,” you answered, earning a scoff. 

“In that case, you’ve just been misinformed.” Seokjin huffed before offering an outstretched palm. “Now hand over the camera, it’s your turn.”

“Me?” You didn’t think he was serious when he said swap. In reality, you just assumed he whipped up an excuse for you to take pictures of him. 

And you didn’t mind. It was nice to have that charming smile directed at you, even if only through the lens of a camera. The Polaroid would be your shield, blocking Seokjin from the pain swimming in your eyes, barely afloat in pools of regret and guilt and loneliness.

“Yes, woman! When was the last time you had your picture taken?” 

Slowly, embarrassment swelled across your cheeks when you realized it had been a very long time. Legitimately long. You never asked others to take your picture; rather, you were always the one behind the lens. The last time someone actually offered was… 

“When you took one,” you stuttered out breathily, “At that park.” 

It was during one of the last dates you two went on before you left for university. There was a carnival you were dying to visit, and Seokjin surprised you with tickets and a kiss. 

You remember being so elated while traversing through the whimsical booths, failing fantastically at the rigged games, scarfing down sticky, billowy cotton candy. Squeaky horns and childish laughter filled your ears, and you could still feel Jin’s gentle fingers on your hand as he shyly tugged you under glowing stringed lights. 

The main attraction was a carousel keeping everything else in orbit, its charisma shining like a golden, spinning sun. When night fell, you too gravitated toward its charm, standing behind its barricade to watch horses and teacups endlessly turn. 

It was so captivating that you forgot yourself and where you were - who you were supposed to be spending time with. Swiveling in fear, you scanned the bustling crowd for your boyfriend, realizing that you needn’t worry at all. 

Seokjin simply waited behind you, holding up his phone and telling you to pose. You were so caught off-guard in that moment that your face contorted hilariously right as he snapped the photo. In his eyes, it was the greatest picture of all time. 

However, it wasn’t that well received by its subject. You begged Seokjin to delete it, and he finally caved on the grounds that you took a replacement. Conceding, you stomped back to the gate guarding the twirling attraction and pranked your boyfriend with a blank expression. 

But as soon as Seokjin drawled “You look like you don’t care-ousel,” you burst into laughter - your unabashed mirth becoming his background on every device he owned. 

The scene faded from your eyes as the current Seokjin stood in front of you, gripping the Polaroid instead of his phone. Gone were the lights and sounds of the theme park and, with them, your fleeting moment of solace. 

“Oh,” was all he stated in return, and you swore the temperature chose to drop in that moment just to mock you.

“You know I don’t prefer it anyways.” Your heart was losing its grip, sorrow evident in your shaky tone. You folded your arms to shield your body from the weather and unwanted emotions. “I’m definitely not as photogenic as you.” 

“Nonsense,” Seokjin shot back. “Now hurry up, it’s only golden minute now!” 

And just like that, his warmth melted any awkwardness like spring chasing away winter. 

In retrospect, he probably regarded that moment at the carnival differently, or he just wanted to keep those memories in the past where they belonged. It hurt to be the only one so strongly affected by them, but Jin had the right idea. If there existed a standard list of activities to do with an ex, talking about the past wasn’t one of the options. Especially if you had feelings for said ex. 

Plus, you didn’t forget that there was something he had to tell you. It seemed like you were going to have to wait a little longer for that, and your anxiousness wasn’t pleased.  

As you ambled to the center of the clearing, you focused more on the crunching sounds your boots made rather than your feelings. With a quick survey of the area, you surmised that it really was a pretty spot, the mountain range peeking behind the trees adding depth to the setting. Adjusting your outfit, you took a breath of courage before staring at the eye of the Polaroid.

Seokjin moved the camera from his face and called your name, roping your gaze to his concern. “Smile, okay?” 

On instinct, your throat constricted. You couldn’t hide behind the lens that time. But smile you did, and you hoped Seokjin thought it genuine, silently pleading him to not notice the anguish lingering behind your crescent eyes. 

The fire pit your friends constructed blazed bright as you both made it back to the campgrounds. Everyone occupied the surrounding logs and, judging from the soft pop pumping from a portable speaker, Jungkook must have commandeered music control.

Jimin turned when he heard your footsteps, his expression indiscernible as he shifted his gaze between you and Jin. Thankfully, he didn’t say anything, only turning back to Yoongi to continue their conversation. 

Seokjin and you parted ways effortlessly: he slotted into the empty space next to Namjoon and you headed to your tent to stow your camera. 

And for some reason, that easy departure was hard to swallow. 

Your pitched space offered warmth upon entry, and you dumped yourself onto your sleeping bag without a word. A few quiet moments passed before you unzipped your backpack, the tiny action feeling so tedious, so difficult to achieve. 

After you finally stored your equipment and closed your bag shut, you just… sat there. Contemplative. 

Mentally, you were in a bad place. Your thoughts and emotions banged into each other, their war rendering you powerless - captive. Fidgeting with the plasticky fabric of your sleeping bag, you thought back to what happened after you two left the photo spot.

It was an uneventful walk back for the most part. The polaroids turned out nice, all thanks to the very rare and very expensive camera you borrowed. Seokjin claimed yours and handed you his, and faced with your sudden curiosity, he sheepishly offered, “You don’t have to keep it.” 

You were more questioning of the fact that he stored yours in his jacket, but you didn’t want to broach that subject. It was beginning to scare you. Maybe it was the fact that he was acting strange, coupled with the other fact that he was hiding something from you. 

Why were you suddenly afraid to confront him? You two were open with each other during your relationship. Were you also wanting to put this dreaded conversation off as long as possible, too? 

If he was with someone else, though, would he still be keeping your picture? 

It was too much to think about, so you tried to lock everything in a box and sit on it. 

You saw the light of the campfire after a few minutes of walking through the woods - a handful of silent, crawling minutes. It was bugging you that Seokjin didn’t say anything on the way back. A quiet Jin was a Jin knee deep in thought, and not in good circumstance. In a moment of weakness, you almost offered out your hand to grab his, but you instead crammed it inside your coat pocket. 

When you both rejoined your friends, it seemed so easy for you guys to separate, like you didn’t just go off and do something so intimate. Even though that wasn’t the word you wanted to use. 

You resigned yourself to the big picture nonetheless: it wasn’t like what Taehyung and Rin did. Your best friend was insanely popular on social media with her carefully curated feed and relatable-yet-unachievable style. Taehyung had his own massive following for different reasons, and you couldn’t deny that he knew exactly what he was doing to gain the hearts of many. They were snapping photos for each other to show millions of anonymous beings across the world. 

You and Seokjin just took photos for each other to have. No one else was going to see those. 

Why did you feel like that was significant? 

The edge of your sleeping bag began to fray under duress, so you plucked your body off the ground and slipped back outside. What you expected was the temperature dipping a couple degrees in nightfall. What you didn’t expect was Jimin waiting for you, puffy jacket and all, leaning against a tree. 

When he saw you emerge from your tent, he straightened and regarded you with caution. “Everything okay?”

You adjusted the front of your coat before fishing a beanie out to cover your ears. “Yeah, why?”

“You were just in there for awhile,” Jimin explained, his eyes searching yours, “And you were with him for a long time.”

“I don’t like being interrogated, Park,” you sighed.

“I know, I just…” He mirrored you and huffed his own breath toward the ground. A quick glance had you noticing that his own beanie was knit as thick as the fog in your mind. “I just want to make sure.” 

Jimin was whom you considered closest next to your best friend and formerly Seokjin. After your break up, Jimin regularly sent you texts to check on you, despite your constant assurance that you were okay. It got to a point where you phoned him and pleaded reprieve - to reach out only if he had something critical to say. 

His broken reply? He only texted you because Seokjin wouldn’t. 

You ended up crying after that call, and the tears annoyingly persisted a couple nights following. 

He was also one of the only two people in the world that knew you loved Jin. Rin was the other, and that’s only because you let it slip during a girls’ night over cheap wine and period piece movies. Something about an early morning confession in a dewy meadow was enough to loosen your alcohol-mottled tongue.

After you ran your fingers over your head, you responded, “Can I ask you something?” 

Your friend’s eyes roamed over your face. “Of course.”

“What’s he hiding from me?”

Jimin instantly clammed up at the question. His dancer frame assumed a rigid position, each limb locking, including his jaw. “It’s not my place to say,” he answered gravely, pulling anger from your center.

“Does everyone else know this secret except me?” You really couldn’t take it anymore, especially knowing that something you supposedly deserved to know was possibly public knowledge. 

“Just the guys,” Jimin divulged, and you scoffed. 

“I can’t believe this.” You made to walk away, in the opposite direction of the campfire. Into the woods again.

Jimin said your name like he just wanted you to understand already, halting you mid-stride. “I’ve been trying to get him to talk to you. Trust me, I have.”

“He’s a grown man, Park. His decisions aren’t your problem,” you whispered. 

“But aren’t they yours?” 

“Not anymore. We aren’t together right now, if you don’t recall.” You knew you were spitting bullshit, and Jimin did, too. If Seokjin wasn’t giving you problems, you wouldn’t have been hiding in your tent or literally and figuratively walking away from him. Guiltily, you turned back to face Jimin and give him his credit. 

He was this way for everyone in your group: the glue that hung on and fought to keep people from breaking apart. Whenever a fight broke out between warring parties, Jimin was the middle man. Always. 

Sighing, you relented, “I’m sorry I’m taking this out on you. I’m just so confused, and the longer he hides whatever he’s hiding from me, the more restless I’ll be.”

“Everyone is on your side in this,” Jimin replied. “He just needs to, I don’t know, woman up.”

A breath of laughter escaped you at the tweaked phrase, the tension coating your shoulders slowly sliding off in clumps. “Did you say ‘woman up?’”

“Men aren’t shit,” your friend explained, pointing a gloved finger to punctuate every syllable. “At least women get things done.”

“I would totally drink to that if I had a bottle in my hand, Jimin.”

“Ah, well that can be arranged!” The boy’s eyes crinkled as he spun on a heel. “Let’s go. Jungkook and Taehyung brought out the drinks awhile ago. I missed out on a few bottles already talking to you.”

“Oh, I feel so remorseful,” you cooed, your voice worthy of giving kids cavities. “Almost as if I cared.” 

“Ass,” Jimin snapped, but he could only laugh. When you joined his side, he turned and whispered, “But seriously. If he doesn’t talk about it by the end of this trip, I’m giving him hell.” 

The temperature dropped again at that moment, and the wind blowing through the pines cut straight into your bones. Your shoulders hunched on instinct and you blinked to get needed moisture. Was it going to snow? The skies above did look intimidating. Was it going to storm? 

A sudden trepidation settled into your gut. “Did we check the weather,” you queried, shuffling through your brain to see if you monitored it yourself before the trip. 

“Uh-umm, I did,” Jimin answered through chattering teeth, “But I didn’t see anything other than it being cold.” 

You pulled out your phone and regretted doing so, your fingers freezing over instantly. You were lucky you all chose a location that was still in signal range - really, thanks went to Rin and Taehyung for incessantly demanding it every year.

Pulling up the weather app after a few tries, you cursed at the oncoming forecast. “Well, there’s more to it. Snow’s coming in,” you relayed to Jimin. “Let’s pack up and find a place to stay.” 

The car ride to the nearest lodging felt immensely different than the ride to the campgrounds. Some people focused on defrosting, one person worried about the people in the front, and the two said people in the front weren’t talking at all. 

It was you that broke the silence when you steadily gave directions, and Seokjin would repeat them like always. Selfishly, you wanted the car ride to keep going just so you could hear his voice. He wasn’t saying anything otherwise, and there wasn’t music playing for him to absentmindedly sing along to. 

The first snowfall was light as your caravan entered the small town nearby, which relieved you. Tiny snowflakes clung onto the windows and you lost yourself in their geometric patterns. Lights from the shops and other stray cars reflected in the slick roads to create a symphony of color, and white patches already settled on trees that lined the main way. 

Seokjin spotted the lodge first, and he rolled into a spot towards the entrance, Jungkook’s car slotting into the next space. Your driver rolled down his window and repeatedly pointed his finger down to signal for Yoongi to follow suit. “Let’s go in and make sure they have our rooms first,” he called out, and Jungkook leaned over his console to shout a hearty okay.

You hoisted yourself out of the car and waited for the boys to follow. Seokjin went to stand next to you, but instead of Jungkook popping out of the other car, it was Namjoon that emerged. You could only guess that the youngest slyly started a game to have the loser get out. 

Your stomach turned when you realized it was most likely because no one wanted to be left alone with you and Seokjin. 

Remorse burned your throat. This trip was supposed to be fun, but it just felt strained. Were you overthinking? Or was your churning gut correct in its assumption? 

At the very least, you hoped everyone else was having a better time than you were. 

It seemed that the man beside you had the same feeling that a challenge was pitched. “Rock-paper-scissors? Or nose goes?”

Namjoon just laughed at the ground as his face flushed. “Nose goes, and I put my finger on my mouth so, umm, that’s that.” 

You chuckled while you three made your way to the door, both of them towering over you on either side. Seokjin opened the entrance for everyone and, when you stepped foot inside, you were hit with a wave of warmth mixed with an undercurrent of gingerbread. The entirety of the main entrance bathed in plaid or embroidered throws, and there was an obvious affinity for Christmas on display with the plethora of garlands, lights, and a towering Christmas tree in the front bay window. 

Namjoon and Seokjin quickly got distracted by the toy train running through a snowy village setup. Adorable, but not helpful. 

Alone at the front desk, you received confirmation that your group had four bookings, and you thanked the concierge while you gathered the keys. 

The rooms weren’t next to each other. One of them sat on another floor, and the rest were separated but shared the same level. 

A container of pamphlets caught your attention, so you grabbed one before strolling away. “Guys, let’s claim our rooms. After that, you can watch the train all you want,” you called out, tapping them both on the back with the thin brochure. 

They swiveled their heads to your retreating form before following you out the door. 

“No. We are not doing that again.” 

“Come on, hyung, it’ll be fun!” 

“I’m with Yoongi on this one. We could all end up in the same room.” 

“But what if you get a room to yourself?” 

“Why can’t we ever just pick like normal people? And Hoseok-hyung, you laugh but you have the worst luck out of all of us.” 

“Excuse me! That’s only because you all psyche me out!” 

“Let’s just pick something. My phone’s almost dead.” 

You stood next to Rin while you two watched the boys decide how room assignments were determined. It was a sight to see: them crowding the small hallway, bags littered around their bulky shoes. You both were thankful they were courteous enough to let you two keep a room to yourselves. They even made sure yours wasn’t on the other floor, just so that you girls wouldn’t be alone. 

They were going to pick random rooms one-by-one, not knowing which options the others picked until they opened a door. If you and your friend also had to choose, you were risking the possibility of being stuck with Seokjin, which was the last thing you wanted. 

On a day where your friendship was actually normal, that wouldn’t have mattered one bit. But right then? The tension surrounding him would have been detrimental. 

He had something to say; he wasn’t saying it. You were a sitting, fidgeting duck. 

Jungkook whipped his phone out to search the internet for a random coin flip generator. “Here. Heads, we do it. Tails, we don’t.” 

Yoongi just snickered in defeat and already started picking up his bag. “I call picking first.” 

His intuition proved sharp as the generator pulled up Heads: they were going with the random room assignments. Taehyung kicked his head back with a sigh, and Jimin and Jungkook burst into laughter while the elders collectively groaned.  

As Rin giggled at their misfortune, you sent a rueful smile Seokjin’s way out of habit. You were still friends, after all, and he seemed so distraught over the prospect of horrid results. His eyes locked onto yours and, for a brief moment, he offered a shy grin in return.

The fluttering in your chest was quickly shooed away. 

It was while everyone relaxed around a public lounge area that Jungkook hurled an accusation, his eyes alight with the flames licking the nearby fireplace. “Hyung cheated.” 

Seokjin immediately sat up in his plush chair and retorted, “Take that back! I did nothing of the sort. You all were just too lazy to take the stairs to the next floor.”

Taehyung shot him a side eye and shared his own eloquent opinion. “Seems sus.” 

A whole new wave of bickering erupted, and you redirected your attention to the snow storm blustering outside tall windows. 

You were thanking every deity above that you guys decided to leave in time. It would’ve been hell in the campsite during this weather, or even while squeezed into the cars. 

Though the original plans were derailed, you were pretty happy with the current lodging situation. Who knew a small town would have a humongous lodge? It had to be assumed that this was the main business keeping the town running. Rin was absolutely drinking it in and stated she even wanted to bring her family there, her thoughtfulness curving your mouth upwards.

Another good thing that came out of this trip proved to be the room assignments that Jungkook ended up loathing. They had you clutching your sides when all was said and done.

Four of the boys managed to pick the same room, and Hoseok and Yoongi snagged a room to themselves. These results resulted in one Kim Seokjin speeding up and down the hallway, wholeheartedly shouting with glee. Yoongi almost crumpled to the ground in relief at the end, and Hoseok fell over in laughter when he entered the full room. You could feel the desperation in Namjoon’s muffled voice as he begged Seokjin to let him change rooms. The only reply he received was an ominous “If you behave.” 

“Don’t blame us,” Yoongi laughed out, both hands lightly gripping the arms of the rocking chair he chose. “This is what you young people get for trying to be cute.” His relief from only having to bunk with one other person left him chipper, you noticed. To his credit, it was amusing that the youngest four ended up in the same room. 

“Okay, gramps,” Jungkook snapped, earning a laugh from Jimin on the seat next to him. “But she definitely gave hyung clues!” 

You whipped your head around to shoot a confused look toward your accuser. “Me?” 

Multiple eyes darted between you two like pinballs, and you didn’t have time to brace for his next words,

“You know you won’t see him again after this trip, so you—” 

“—Kook!” 

All oxygen abandoned you as Jimin rushed to shut the younger man’s mouth, practically slapping his face. Eyes popped out of his head as Jungkook paled in realization. 

The rest of the boys bore glares into the youngest one’s countenance, but Seokjin turned directly towards you with concern. 

What just happened? Your fingers gripped the varnished wood of your chair as you slowly locked eyes with your ex, and your heart dropped like a stone when he shifted his gaze to the floor. 

What the fuck was happening? Your brain was going haywire. What did Jungkook mean? You wouldn’t see Seokjin after this trip? The man that you couldn’t wait to see on the last Friday of every November? That was bogus. He was joking. It was a joke, right? One more weekend before Seokjin was gone from your life forever? Impossible. Ludicrous.

Why wasn’t anyone saying anything? 

Beside you, Rin clutched one of your tense fists in her soft palms. Addressing the group, her sharp tone demanded an answer when she asked, “What the hell is going on?” 

The silence that followed was palpable. Not even the pleasant music drifting through the lodge was enough to damper the tension. 

“I think,” Yoongi finally murmured, his words ice, “This is our cue to leave.”  

“No need,” your friend snipped, “We’ll go.” She whispered your name before softly tugging you to vacate your seat. 

When you pried yourself from the cushion, it took a moment for you to control your legs to actually move. You knew all the guys were watching you, but you were too embarrassed to acknowledge them, too upset to look any of them in the eye. 

Rin led you away from the lounge, making sure you were heading toward the nearest staircase before spinning on her heel. “To the unfortunate soul that gets to explain this to me,” she bit, clutching everyone’s attention in her underlying threat, “Text me where to meet you in ten minutes.” 

Both you and Rin occupied the carpet, backs against the cookie cutter sofa that existed in each room. 

You two pushed the furniture around so that the couch faced the windows instead of the plain TV, and you surprised your friend by dumping yourself onto the ground instead of the cushions. Rin didn’t question you, though. She only followed suit. 

The curtains were shoved to the side to reveal the relentless storm, and you watched the swirls and streaks of white until your head fell onto Rin’s shoulder. 

“I should’ve been paying attention to you,” she murmured, “I’m sorry.”

You shook your head, the motion feeling awkward in its tilt. “No, no. You’ve been having a fun time, so I’m happy I didn’t ruin that.” Your laugh was dry. “Until now, at least.”

Rin lowered her shoulder so that you rested more comfortably. “How are you feeling?” 

“Like I’m going through a breakup again.”

Fuck. You didn’t realize until the words left your lips that it’s how you really felt. 

It had been a few years since you guys ended things. Throughout that whole time, you didn’t feel awkward one bit.  

Well, that wasn’t entirely true. The “date” that Seokjin brought to the Christmas party last year made you want to tear your hair out. But, that was because she was obviously after his finances and that was the year you realized you loved him. 

The conversation you had with Seokjin turned sour, but you really wanted him to see the big picture. You could still recall that night with clarity, the snow falling much lighter than what you currently witnessed outside. 

“Seokjin, do you honestly think she likes you?” The red dress you wore was so vibrant that it glinted off the dinnerware spread across the decadent table nearby. 

When you pulled your ex aside that night, the only quiet place you could find was the dining room, long abandoned once everyone got their seconds. Up until this point, it was obvious Seokjin wasn’t understanding you. You tried to tell him how you saw it, and he would just brush things aside. 

“You sound like you care more than I do,” he accused, his eyes looking everywhere but your face.

Before you responded, you scoffed. “I’m your friend. Of course I’m going to care.” 

You remember the strong emotions you suppressed that night. You couldn’t let more things slip than necessary. Yes, you could show him you cared. Yes, you could show him he needed someone else. Just as long as you didn’t give too much of your own feelings for him away. “You deserve someone that at least likes you, for you.” 

Seokjin finally stared back at your stormy features, his eyes filled with something unsaid. You sucked in a breath. What else would he say? You liked him for everything he was, but that relationship didn’t pan out. Obviously. You would’ve been going to this Christmas party together if you still dated. 

Maybe you shouldn’t have been having that conversation - it was already hard enough for you to say you were his friend. You wanted to be more than that. Again. 

“I know she doesn’t like me,” he finally admitted, running a hand through his bangs. The urge to caress his ever soft strands filled you with grief. 

You really did like his hair, and it looked even better when coupled with his Nutcracker-esque attire. 

“Then why…” You struggled to find a reason why they were even there together. It was a Christmas party with your friends. Why would he bring someone that he didn’t like? 

“She’s interested in Namjoon.” Seokjin’s eyes quickly turned into crescents when he witnessed your expression, and his full lips pursed to contain his laughter. “I was trying to get her off me the whole night, but she was trying harder than she needed to to make him jealous. I’m irresistible, you know.” 

“Irritable is more like it,” you growled, playfully shoving him aside. “Ass! I was just trying to protect you and you knew this whole time!” 

“It’s nice to know you’re looking out for me!” The man beamed as he made his way out of the dining room. 

“Yeah, well,” you whispered, tensing slightly when he stopped. “They have to be perfect. It’s what you deserve.” And you really did mean that.  

Seokjin’s smile faltered, and you shot him a half-smile before exiting the room yourself. 

That was the last time you guys had an argument, if you could even call it that. The rest of the moments you had with him were completely fine. You wondered if Seokjin could see through you during that conversation. He was perceptive, sure, but you may have gotten away with looking like just a good friend. 

It was just worrisome since you couldn’t control your emotions that night. You only got to see him in person during these November trips and Christmas parties when you went home, after all. Seeing him again after realizing you loved him ignited something within you, and it took the whole night to put that fire out.

This looming news just felt way too heavy to handle. Was it because you reached where the sidewalk ended? You weren’t going to see his face in person or hear his laugh out loud. There wasn’t going to be off-the-cuff, awful dad jokes thrown your way every end of November. 

A nagging idea, far in the depths of your mind, kept tapping your shoulder. But you brushed it off with a scowl. 

Even if you acknowledged the concept, there was no way Seokjin felt the same about you. Neither one of you said you loved each other throughout the time you were dating. Were there times you thought you did? Admittedly, yes. Did you ever think about telling him? Another yes. But he never hinted that he felt the same, so it would’ve been awkward for you if it turned out he didn’t. The absence of a confession kept you from revealing yours. So of course even now, you couldn’t tell him. Especially since he was apparently leaving.

Rin didn’t speak for awhile, but you knew she wasn’t the best at comforting people. She was number one at standing up for you and protecting you, but when it came to the softer parts of consoling, she did flounder. Which was endearing and calming in itself.

“How can I help,” she simply offered, and you nuzzled further into her neck. She always smelled so nice, your guardian Rin.

The adrenaline from Jungkook’s bombshell, your swift exit, and the constant stream of thoughts started to wane. Exhaustion slowly took its place like honey sliding into a jar. Softly, your eyelids drooped and you whispered, “This room is a castle, so be my big bad dragon and don’t let anyone in.” 

The last sound you heard before falling asleep was a tinkling laugh followed by a small “As you wish, princess.” 

When you regained consciousness, you discovered that you were strewn across one of the beds instead of the ground. You couldn’t even estimate how much time passed while you were out, but the storm outside was still thrashing and the only light in the room was the emergency one by the door. 

You groggily propped up weary limbs in search of your phone, eventually swiping it from the nightstand. Still half-asleep, you barely registered the pain meds and glass of water sitting on that same table, their dark silhouettes waiting patiently. 

Bright pixels mocked your drool-covered chin. Scrunching your face instinctively, you scrolled through your notifications while blinking sleep from your lashes. You received multiple texts, but you didn’t want to open the threads completely, so you opted to check them from the Home screen. 

Jiminie [7:20pm]: Fuck, I’m sorry that happened. Please be okay. Love you.

Tae [7:21pm]: free hugs whenever you need. you know the drill. 

Rin-Rin [7:36pm]: I know you said not to let anyone in but I literally couldn’t carry you to the bed. Forgive me!

Yoongi [7:37pm]: He’s in his room. I kept telling him to tell you. I know it’s shit to find out this way so if he doesn’t explain things to you, I will. 

Hobi [7:39pm]: we’re here for u love!! let me know if u need anything. there’s a small concession stand downstairs so if u need smth i can run it up!!

Jiminie [7:40pm]: Kook is in bad shape. He swore he thought hyung told you already. Don’t worry tho. I’m not letting him off easy.

Rin-Rin [7:43pm]: Hey, love. Just spoke to Seokjin. I think you need to talk to him yourself, but only if you feel up for it. 

Joonie [7:45pm]: I gave Rin a bottle of pain meds we had in our room 

Joonie [7:45pm]: Go ahead and take some when you wake up

Joonie [7:45pm]: We can count this as an emergency

Jiminie [8:21pm]: Let me know if you’re okay, okay?

Kook [8:33pm]: I’m so sorry 

Rin-Rin [8:48pm]: Grabbing us some snacks from downstairs, I’ll brb. 

Your battered heart sank even more when you noticed a distinct absence amongst the names. Seokjin didn’t send you a single message. 

What had gotten into him? Did he still not want to talk to you despite you knowing his secret? You clicked your phone shut without opening any of the messages and sunk into the pillows. It was 8:49pm, so you had barely missed Rin’s departure. Her exit was probably what woke you. 

Unwittingly, you found your device in front of your baggy eyes again, berating yourself for hovering over Seokjin’s thread. The last text he sent stared back at you in a mocking set of pixels. 

Kim JokeJin [Thursday, 9:23pm]: Let’s make this one the best one! 

With the previous context, this was just a regular message about the yearly trip. With the right context, these words tied your throat in a knot.  

You were sure you loved him, but what you were feeling now was even stronger. If you were honest with yourself, you would say that this is what yearning truly felt like, what something deeper than love felt like. 

But you were a fool and a liar, so you convinced yourself it was only because you wouldn’t see him again. 

As soon as you were about to give up and lock your phone, the thread updated with a new text from Seokjin, and you stilled. 

Kim JokeJin [8:51pm]: You’re probably still asleep, so I don’t want to wake you. 

You immediately clicked on his message, your anxiousness protected by the absence of Read receipts. The typing bubble kept popping in and out of the screen and, with bated breath, you waited to see if a second text slid into the thread. A hard exhale whooshed from your throat when the second message came through. 

Kim JokeJin [8:53pm]: But I owe you an explanation so come up when you can. 

Fingers locked your phone in an instant when the door creaked on its hinges. Rin entered with an armful of chips and various candy bars, and as you started to get up, she tutted.  

“Sit down, lady.” Packages crinkled as she dumped them onto your covered legs in a processed, sweet and salty heap. “Did you take the medicine?” 

You shook your head, very sure that you looked like a cranky Troll doll. 

“Go ahead and eat something really quick so the medicine will work. When you’re awake enough…” Rin’s voice trailed off, but you filled in the blanks yourself. Go talk to him was what she wanted to say. 

“Can’t you just tell me what he said?” You were hopeful that Rin would save you the pain of confronting Seokjin yourself. In reality, she denied your request. 

“Not this time,” she murmured, “This is something that needs to come from him.” 

You figured as much, but it didn’t hurt to try getting out of it. It was a conversation that you both wanted and dreaded to have. Under your goosebumps, your bones trembled.

If you were frightened by the mere gist of it, how were you going to react to the real thing?

The reality was that you needed the closure Seokjin was offering. You didn’t think this vacation - or your friendship, for that matter - could regain normalcy until you had this talk. “Sorry I ruined this trip,” you whispered, playing with a corner of the closest bag of chips. 

“I’m sorry, is your name ‘Jungkook?’” Rin laughed. “I’m kidding. It’s not ruined. At the very least, it’s salvageable. Maybe.”

“You should be a weather girl with these confident forecasts,” you joked, coaxing a laugh from your friend. You offered a small smile in return, but your heart wasn’t in it. She kinda forgot that this is the last trip you guys would have with Seokjin. If anything, it was doomed from the start. 

Little striations ran across the door greeting you, shallow cuts skirting up and down the frame. You roved your eyes over the rough texture; contemplative, lost in the mahogany brown expanse. 

If only you were a sturdy tree. You wouldn’t have to worry about any hard conversations in life. All you would’ve had to worry about was possibly becoming a rickety chair for a spoiled brat, or one of Namjoon’s tables that he would eventually damage and lament over. 

With a breath, you finally knocked. 

It didn’t take long for Seokjin’s freshly showered form to answer, and when you saw him dressed down to a plain white shirt and black pants, you quickly shifted your eyes to the floor. Didn’t he know that outfit was your favorite? Your weakness? 

“Hey,” you simply said. “I’m awake now.” 

He nodded and let you in, the door closing with a soft click. When you crossed the room, you stopped in front of the couch, anticipation already caking onto your clothes. There wasn’t much to say on your end, you figured, so Seokjin had to take the lead. 

Instead of launching into topic, he walked towards you and grabbed a bottle from his nightstand. “Do you want some water?” 

You could only stare at the plastic in question. “Did I come here for water, Seokjin?” 

There was a heavy pause before the man planted his offering on the nightstand. “No.” Sitting on the longer side of his bed, he clasped his hands together, blank eyes glued to the floor. “Jungkook is right. I won’t be able to go on these trips anymore.” 

“Why?” 

“I, umm,” Seokjin answered, his words fumbling, “I kinda got into Harvard Medical School.” 

“What?” Your anxiousness was forgotten as you gawked at him. That was what he was holding back from you? All this time? That amazing, fantastic, crazy news? Without thinking, you bounded toward him and crushed him in a hug, careful to not push him back onto the bed. “Seokjin! This is what you couldn’t tell me?” 

His arms remained at his sides. When he responded, his explanation bounced onto your shoulder, “I literally won’t have a life once I start. None of you will be able to see this face, isn’t that enough to be sad about?” 

Another moment of weakness came over you, and instead of overcoming it, you gave in. Your arms tightened around him and you whispered, “No, I’m so happy for you. You’ve worked so hard…” 

There were bags under his eyes for a reason. You knew the nights he got three hours of sleep far outweighed the nights he got more than that. The reason you two didn’t get to see each other was his relentless studying and discipline, and you didn’t want him to have to choose between you and a future career. You both were way too young for those rash decisions. 

It was with this memory that you were reminded of why you broke up: you wanted him to focus on his goals and you would do the same. “Really, I’m so proud of you.” 

Why you hadn’t let go of him at that point was a mystery to you, but you couldn’t seem to stop. The feel of his body against yours consumed you, held you captive even if his arms didn’t. 

But after a moment, you felt strong limbs wrap around your sides and emotion wrap around your throat. 

You don’t remember the last time you two truly embraced. It was a given that the last time you did, you were both completely different people. Both so young. Both so naive.

“Thank you,” Seokjin breathed, his head finally a beautiful burden on your shoulder, “But there’s more.” 

Tension froze your veins, taking the color from your complexion. Of course there was more. There was no way that was the big reveal, even though it was a monster in itself. “Oh,” was all you managed to squeak out. 

Seokjin’s arms gently pushed your body away so that he could look you in the eyes. You already missed his stronghold, but you listened as he spoke. “My parents want me to go back home. To Korea.” 

You blinked. “Even though you got into Harvard?” 

“No, no, after that,” Seokjin expressed with a level of confidence only he could achieve. Like it was inconceivable that he wouldn’t get his doctorate. He then searched your face, the pause holding weight. “So, I don’t know if I’ll see you guys again.” 

The wind howled outside and you shivered as if you were standing out there in the cold. There was so much that you wanted to say, but all the thoughts you had in your head melded together into sludge. Words struggled to leave your mouth. Nothing processed correctly in your brain. 

Seokjin wasn’t joking - not this time. He really was going to be swamped in work and work and more work. Even the holidays were going to be crammed, and you were sure he wanted to use those rare rest periods solely to recharge. 

Yes, he would still be able to text and call everyone, but that would be the extent of communication. He wasn’t big on social media. Even if he was, there would certainly be a dip in his activity now. 

Just like you felt earlier, you really did feel like you were going through a breakup again. Only this time, the last remains of your relationship were at stake. 

You didn’t want that. 

“We’d still be friends,” you weakly offered, wondering if you were just saying that to convince yourself. 

An empty chuckle startled you, and when you looked at Jin, he directed an empty gaze toward his nightstand’s lamp. “Yeah… We’d still be friends,” he repeated, and the way he said that made your shoulders sag. It was almost as if he didn’t believe you. 

“But Seokjin… You should be so happy. I mean, you’re incredible,” you whispered, a heavy feeling weighing down your chest.

“What if I’m not?” 

You sucked in a breath, suddenly not knowing what to do. Was he saying that hypothetically? No. There wouldn’t be a reason for him to ask if he truly was. 

How were you supposed to respond to that? Being a doctor was his goal - you were sure of it. If he got accepted into Harvard of all places, then his future glimmered as bright as his charm. “What do you mean,” was what you decided to say. Because you needed more from him than that. 

“You said I should be happy. What if I’m not?” 

“This is what you’ve been working towards your whole life!” It didn’t make any sense. None of this was making any sense. Who wasn’t happy that they got accepted to one of the most prestigious medical programs in the world? “You did everything you could, and now you have something to show for it! We even broke up over this. And that’s fine,” you quickly added at the end. You didn’t want Seokjin to feel bad for that at all. 

“What I’m trying to say is,” you continued, wanting to get every logical word out before more irrational ones escaped. “You’ve gotten everything you wanted. You deserve to be happy.” 

You could feel the doors of your heart scraping shut. Even if you wanted to try to be with him again, you would have to give up on that dream. There was no way it was going to work if it didn’t pan out last time. 

Fists clenched, you hated how your heart gravitated towards Seokjin on this damn trip, loathed how your brain produced its own highlight reel. Somehow, they both knew this was the end before you did. 

“I don’t have everything I want, but you’re right. I’ll be happy.” He sounded bitter. Why did he sound so bitter?

“What more could you want,” you blurted, the question materializing between the two of you in bold letters. You were just getting frustrated at this point. 

This was his dream. The ultimate goal. The one thing he wanted out of life.

“It doesn’t matter.” 

“It does to me.”

“Well, it’s none of your concern.”

“I don’t care if it is or not.”

“You really want to know?” Seokjin shot off the bed, immediately towering over your small stature. As your eyes reached his face, you watched as his lips twisted, your shocked features taking in his frustration. “It’s… It’s love, okay? That might sound weird to you, but I’ve realized that all of this is pointless without it. That’s what I’m missing. I want to love again.” He shoved a hand through his hair, his forehead slightly wrinkling under duress. 

The first thing that threw you off was the mere mention of the word. That was so brave of him to even bring it up. With you, of all people: someone he’s dated before. It must have taken so much courage for him to admit that. 

But there was another word in there that stood out amongst all the others.

Again. He said again. Did he love someone before? He couldn’t have been referring to what you guys had. You never once said those words to each other while you dated. So who was he thinking of? And why did it hurt to know that he had loved before and it wasn’t you? 

“I didn’t know you wanted that,” you replied, your voice painfully small. “But I don’t think it’s weird.”

You wanted nothing more than to just confess to him already, but you had no clue what he would say if he didn’t want something with you. The moment escaped like a thief in the night.

“Ah, well, if you knew the whole story,” Seokjin sighed, his breath shaky, “You would definitely think it’s stupid.”

“Why did it end the first time?” You wanted to get to the bottom of it. Maybe through his explanation, you could find something salvageable. You cared about him - so damn much. Seeing him in a state of utter helplessness seized your heart and gripped it tight. “With the one you… you loved. What happened?”

Seokjin’s indiscernible stare pierced through your soul, his silence screaming that he didn’t want to talk about it. 

And you understood his reluctance. The list of activities to do with an ex didn’t include this as an option, either. 

You felt the steely aftertaste of guilt on your tongue. Maybe he wanted you to just leave him alone already. Besides, you already pushed him to tell a multitude of truths that night. Asking him about a past love life was most likely crossing the line. “I’m sorry,” you apologized, uprooting yourself from your spot to leave. “You don’t have to tell me. I’ll leave you alone.” 

You made it three steps before Seokjin responded, “She decided to end it.” 

A vice clamped your chest. You stood in your new spot closer to the door, eyes boring into the floor. “Even though you were in love?” 

That must have been awful. If you loved him when you two broke it off, it would have absolutely hurt. Very much like what was happening to you now, in fact. Because fuck, were you absolutely disintegrating like a paper on fire. 

“I don’t think she loved me,” Seokjin disclosed, his words tightening the clasp around your lungs. “But I loved her.” 

“I’m so sorry, Seokjin.” Tears brimmed across your eyes, but you didn’t want him to see you break. You thrummed with so many emotions in that moment, swept by the current of his words, his heavy tribulations.

He loved someone in the past. You loved him in the present. If only you both harbored a love for each other in at least one point in your lives. 

“That must have been hard.”

“It wasn’t, for the most part.” His brittle words crumbled as they appeared. “I saw it coming.”

You chewed on your lip. Seokjin’s confessions were so full of pain - the amount of love he had for this person was obvious. Looking back on your relationship, you remember your split being mutual. It was mutual, right? There weren't any feelings involved. Whichever other situation Seokjin was referring to had to be sometime after you. 

Maybe it was someone during his college days. But wouldn’t you have at least heard about them through the friend circle? Their name must have just left your mind. You knew Seokjin flirted a lot but he needed to be serious to really start a relationship. This one just sounded tragic. 

“I don’t know what to say,” you admitted sincerely, your chest about ready to collapse, “Other than don’t give up. You can do it. Love again.” The joints in your knees threatened to give out. Telling the one you loved that he could find someone again was too much. Too, too much.

“Ah, yeah. Well.” Seokjin turned away from you in a shrug. Even the back of his profile was perfect. “Thanks for being a good, uh, friend.” 

Friend. Could you teleport to your room and stay there? You couldn’t be the one to give him what he wanted, especially since he was about to be gone for a very long time. No matter how much you wanted to. Oh, how you wanted to. 

You swung around to face the door once again. Critical words almost freed themselves from your lips, but you held them back, swallowed them down. “I’ll always be your friend.” 

Head storming, you commended yourself for keeping your voice level. The tears were able to recede - which relieved you, since you wanted to make it through the rest of the conversation with dry eyes. With one tiny head shake, you whispered, “Let’s get some sleep, okay? I don’t want us to ruin the rest of this trip. Like you said before, we have to make it the best one.” 

Seokjin got up and made his way over to you, and you turned around with a fresh face once you knew he was close enough. The smile he wore was manufactured, but you didn’t want to pry. Instead, you repeated your advice as you both approached his door. Because you wanted him to understand. “Seriously. Don’t give up, you hear me?” 

“Don’t give up,” he echoed as he pulled on the handle, like you were just giving him directions. He stilled for a moment in deep concentration before looking your way. Dark eyes bore into yours and you could almost hear them speak, but he gave one final nod and vowed, “Okay.” 

Little striations met you again when you gave Seokjin’s closed room one last look, and you swore they regarded you with pity. Finally breaking, you let your tears fall the whole way back to your floor, wishing to be made into a sturdy tree in your next life so you never had to feel that way again. 

The next morning found all nine friends situated in various places around Seokjin’s room. You thought it amusing that the boys never really settled for normal seats, always choosing a table or windowsill perch instead. As an avid fan of the floor yourself, apparently, you were once again plopped on the ground in front of the sofa. Only this time, you weren’t drowning in the depths of your past.  

“Looks like the snow piled up high last night, so we might not be able to use the cars,” Namjoon observed after his long fingers created a tiny crack in the curtains. His argyle sweater blended in with the burgundy fabric and the sight put a small smile on your face. 

The action surprised you since you spent the whole night swathed in a blanket of regret, your arms caging your ribs in an attempt to stopper your bleeding heart. If only you were so bold as to allow a confession to fall from your lips. Three words to solve two peoples’ problems.  

But the risk involved was too high. The hurt following an unrequited love confession would haunt you through every sunrise and sunset. 

Jungkook’s exasperated voice sliced through your thoughts. “What are we gonna do then?” You glanced at him right as he threw himself onto Seokjin’s bed, bouncing the other two occupants  like buoys amongst waves. 

“What we can do: stay in,” Yoongi responded while repositioning himself against the headboard. 

Taehyung’s sigh mingled with Rin’s tsking noise, Jungkook’s deeper groan almost in harmony with the both of them. Their melancholic concerto almost pulled a laugh out of you, but the next suggestion came from Hoseok, “I brought some board games we could play. Cards, too.” 

Seokjin quickly shot him a look. “You don’t play board games. Or games. Or cards. Actually, what do you do?” 

“I look after all of you.” Hoseok’s head always bobbed when he spoke to accentuate his points. “Hence why I brought board games and cards just in case!” 

You couldn’t refute the man’s claims, either. Hoseok always made sure everyone packed what they needed before trips but brought extra stuff in the event that the group needed something else. Helping was just part of his nature. Yesterday was one example. Rin got the snacks last night, but you were sure he would have woken up at any point in time to be your comfort food delivery man. If being a leader were a sport, Hoseok would be the dark horse that you never saw coming until they finished first. Then you couldn’t deny their talent and skill. 

Taehyung didn’t let the dark horse live, though. “Thanks, hyung. Did you pack a snowblower, too?” 

Rin’s laugh could always be heard amongst your friends, but not because she was a girl. Hers was just so distinct and heartwarming, like a cozy throw or the thought of cookies in the oven. It was only slightly better than Jimin’s. 

Speaking of which: Jimin was eerily quiet throughout the whole meeting, his gaze lingering on you more than once. You noticed it ever since you burst into Seokjin’s room and lauded the man’s scholastic advancement. Which couldn’t be helped. No matter how painful last night’s conversation was, you still wanted him to know how proud you were. After all, a person could be sporting a dagger through their heart but still have love to give.  

You didn’t know why Jimin was acting strange. The big secret was unveiled but you would come to terms with it. Was he afraid of how you would be feeling? Or was he just sympathizing with you because he assumed you weren’t exactly fine? Talking to him later to iron things out was going to be essential. The multiple glances he threw your way proved too much.  

“I have a pamphlet we can look through,” you responded, waving it in the air like a white flag. The decision to bring it just in case proved to be the right one, even if Rin threw a small fit from having to fumble through her bag for the room key again. Warmth from the thick hoodie swallowing both your body and your bent legs validated the first time you went back into your room. 

Rin stuck her tongue out at you but smiled right after in her best Sour Patch Kid impression. Cute. You breathily laughed before unfolding the flimsy paper. Shifting your eyes along the colorful pages, you started listing out the lodge activities. “Okay, so we have… Kayaking: no. Lake yoga: no. Mountain biking: no…” 

Even though the lodge boasted a huge amount of things to do, the majority of them required there to not be four billion inches of snow outside. Only a few remained, and majority rules determined ski slopes the winner. 

The only issue with the slopes was that they only allowed groups of three at a time. To remedy this, groups were formed and a rotation was set based on a heated tournament of rock-paper-scissors. And while Hoseok didn’t play board games, cards, or even video games, he seemed to be a pro at that. 

He picked Seokjin and Yoongi for his group, and they were going out first, to the eldest’s horror. You saw his anxiousness coming from miles out - tackling snow with one board was much more up his alley than tackling it with two. 

Next, Jungkook chose Namjoon and Jimin since he wanted to somehow “win” on the slopes. They gave him much grief for that. 

And that left you with Rin and Taehyung, but they wanted to check out the spa area first, so your group was going to catch up later. 

Which wasn’t ideal for you. You wanted to watch Seokjin ski. Or really, you just wanted to see him as much as possible before the trip ended. Seok in his presence, like he said. Maybe being pruny in this case was a beautiful thing. 

Room Service knocking on the door interrupted your thoughts, and Jimin let them in to serve the breakfast Seokjin ordered for everyone prior. While the dishes were distributed, the group was already firing bets and insults and digs at each other as if a clear winner would emerge outside. And you welcomed every bit of their energy. Chewing on food while basking in everyone’s competitive nature was enough of a distraction from your woes. At least, until you caught Jimin deep in thought again.

The spa was decent, so you three ended up staying for almost an hour. Both the sauna and facial massage served to ease the thick layer of tenseness under your skin. If only you could transport yourself into a cloud of steam every time you thought about Seokjin. Maybe that would’ve helped with the anxiousness and guilt you felt every time you thought about confessing. 

And you were grateful for Taehyung tagging along because he really did offer free hugs often. Even while Rin scanned over the receipt for everything you guys did, the man slung a lean arm around your shoulders. 

His voice glided over your hair when he leaned in to ask, “How did it go last night?” 

You sighed before responding, debating on how to answer him. You decided to take the easy route. “Good. Better than I expected. I just can’t believe it took him that long to tell me! I was so worried this whole time.” 

Taehyung squeezed you gently. “Finally. We kept telling him to just admit it already.” 

Rin was in the middle of paying when you smiled. Her hair gleamed in the incandescents, and you reached out to touch it as you admitted, “It’s just weird that he wanted to hide that from me.” 

“Well, you’re his ex, so he thought it would’ve been awkward.” 

A laugh shot out of you, and Taehyung gave you a look. “Seokjin’s so strange. He knows I’ve been rooting for him this whole time. I mean, Harvard? That’s incredible.” 

Normally, friends would converse about achievements and be sincerely happy about them. But something else happened in that moment that set alarm bells off in your head. Whether it was Rin becoming a block of ice in front of you, or Taehyung slowly peeling his arm off of your shoulders, you suddenly got a feeling that something wasn’t right.  

When Rin spun around to face you, the expression painted on her face reminded you of those Renaissance pieces you saw during one museum date with your ex. Her eyebrows artfully scrunched; her full lips twisted. Was she on the side of the angels, battling demons? Going to war? 

No, she was just trying to clarify something. “He didn’t say anything else?” 

You gulped. “I mean, yeah?”

“What did he say?” Taehyung furrowed his dark brows, his own face a work of art in itself. 

“That his parents are making him move back to Korea when he’s done with his doctorate,” you revealed, suspicious of the both of them and Seokjin now. You kept your tone level to hide any emotions under the surface. “Why, is there more?” 

Once again, you were swept under the wave of confusion. The waters there were dark and cold, and you felt like you couldn’t swim to safety this time. It was as if cotton clogged your ears and a thin film coated your vision. You didn’t even register Taehyung furiously typing on his phone while Rin led you all out of the spa’s reception area. 

“Do you want there to be more,” was all she offered before sitting you down on an earthly toned loveseat. The fluffy rug under your shoes snagged most of your attention. 

“I don’t know how to answer that, but I guess not,” you finally grunted, feeling angrier and angrier from being left in the dark again. Comparable to a disease, this dangerous feeling was taking over you, trickling into your veins drop by black drop. “Honestly, I kinda just want to go back to the room until we meet for dinner. Whatever you guys are hiding is starting to piss me off.” 

“Let’s go,” Rin agreed, urging you to get up and follow her to the room. But you shook her off. 

“I’ll go by myself.” Buzzing with anger, you shuffled through your bag to grip your key. “Just let me be alone for a bit.”

Taehyung looked absolutely livid, but he nodded along with Rin. You didn’t watch the two of them share a knowing glance as you drug your crumpling form to the stairs, hoping pieces of you didn’t crumble off before you reached your temporary bed.  

From the moment your tired bones hit your comforter, time traveled at a strange pace. You didn’t know how long you spent lying prone on the sheets, your head lolled towards the window. Watching the light snowfall outside did nothing to bring you out of your dark space. 

Being left out, confused, and feeling betrayed left you mentally drained. How long were you going to feel like this? Like you were just going to keep being lied to? Maybe you weren’t outwardly lied to, but omitting something was still considered a lie. The truth was still held captive and you couldn’t even pay it a visit. 

Rin and Taehyung reacted strongly to what you said. That had to mean whatever else Seokjin was supposed to say to you was big. You weren’t stupid. At least, that’s what you concluded. 

But what if you were this time? 

You loathed this feeling. You hated being looked at with pity. Even Rin knew what was left unsaid this time, so you were truly alone in the dark. 

A dark monster within you rose to life, and you ripped yourself from the sheets. Snatching your coat from the couch, you jerked your arms inside, striding toward your door with purpose. A ball of fury, you were determined to march up the slopes and confront Seokjin. Everything was getting ridiculous. 

Tugging the door open, you flinched at the figure waiting on the other side. A brief moment of silence and bewilderment and worry washed over you, quelling a small part of your harbored anger. “What happened to you?” 

Seokjin stood in front of you wrapped in his puffy coat, hair in disarray and a small gash on his cheek. His nose was red with the cold and a small cut, and his eyes looked as if he had been holding back tears. Tears? Was he crying? Even now, it seemed like a few were threatening to fall as his gaze lowered. A ghost of a voice wafted from his mouth as he replied, “Jimin.” 

You winced. Remembering the glances the younger man gave you this morning, you should have seen a conflict brewing. Your friend wasn’t lying when he said he’d give Seokjin hell. Something must have broken out when they were on the slopes, or anytime you weren’t there with them. “Shit. I’m sorry.” 

If you didn’t have that revelation with Rin and Taehyung, you would have been absolutely thrown by Seokjin’s appearance and the cause of it. But it seemed that both groups found out what he told you last night and neither were pleased with the result. What that result was, you couldn’t determine yet. But based on your own categories, “I got into Harvard” and “I’m moving back to Korea” fit in the Should Know box. The Deserved to Know box was still accepting applications. 

“Come in.” Your fury had to simmer on a proverbial stove for the time being. “I have a first aid kit in my bag.” 

You hurried him into the room before making a beeline for your duffle. The adrenaline built while you were fired up was still thrumming your bones like guitar strings. Nothing more was said as your bag crinkled with your rummaging, even though you wanted to just wring answers from his neck already. 

But you couldn’t. You needed a moment to collect your thoughts, both the past woes you were fighting and your current worries. 

As Jin awkwardly stood in front of your bed, you kept pondering. What the hell happened out there? How did it end up in a physical altercation? Did Jin fight back? It was already obvious Jimin initiated it, but you wondered if he sported any bruises, too. Not from Seokjin, though. Because you couldn’t ever see him throwing a punch. You were more curious about someone like Yoongi. The elder one was incredibly protective of Jin.

When you found the kit, you spun around to start tending to your ex’s face. “Bed,” you ordered, pointing towards yours with the first aid box. Your tone was harsh, but you weren’t holding it back.

The man was silent as he delicately sat on the comforter, and you instantly noticed how he refused to look at you still. 

No matter. Treating his cuts was a priority, but that didn’t mean you weren’t going to force him into confrontation right after. Seokjin wasn’t going to have a choice. 

Perching yourself next to him, you propped one leg up to steady yourself, clicking open the small kit next to you. It wasn’t as fancy as the one he carried along, but it housed the basics. Fetching some antiseptic and cotton first, you told him to turn towards you so that you could start. 

And despite your anger, your exasperation, your frustration, the hands you lifted to Seokjin’s face were nothing but calm. 

Throughout the time you dusted his cuts, you kept your gaze on his cheek, his mouth, his nose. A wall erected around you that you refused to take down. After all of the hurt Seokjin had caused, the turmoil he had put you through, it was pertinent you wouldn’t let him in. You had your soldiers’ arrows at the ready, directed right at his wounded face. 

But if you so much as flitted your gaze toward his eyes, your walls would crumble to dust. Your gates would slam open in surrender. 

Because having him this close to you after all this time was like coming home. And you harbored that feeling ever since the scent of his cologne consumed you. Your face hovered inches from his, your fingers gently pressing his features. All of the nights you yearned to be this close were so lonely and cold, and his warmth was tugging your heart by multiple strings. 

His looming absence was hitting you deeply then. If you gave in only to lose him again, the pain would surely hollow out your soul until you were a mere shell of yourself. You wanted nothing more than to sink into the mattress and slip down into the soil underneath the lodge. 

Suddenly, a hand cradled your cheek, and you shook on impact. Without thinking, you locked eyes with Jin, and it was then that you realized he was wiping hot tears from your face. 

“If I’m the reason for these,” he whispered, “I’m sorry.” 

Something strangled escaped you, and you finally caved. “You are,” you exhaled, unable to stop the tears from falling. “You really are.”

You tore yourself from the bed, instantly feeling the lingering warmth of his fingers fade. A chasm was created between you two: your chest heaving on one side and his face crumbling on the other. The mountain of thoughts and feelings you created broke down under pressure, emotions roaring down its slopes in a cathartic avalanche. “I’ve been looking like a fool this whole trip, and apparently everyone is feeling so fucking sorry for me. Why can’t you just tell me everything? What did Yoongi mean? What do I deserve to know? You told me you got into Harvard and have the audacity to say you aren’t happy? What the hell is that about? We’re supposed to be friends, so why am I feeling like you’re letting that all go?” You choked on your tears and clasped a hand over your mouth, a burn blossoming in your chest from the dry sobs. 

Seokjin’s eyes ringed with a burgeoning shade of pink, both of his pupils glossed in guilt. “I’m not… I’m not letting that go, but--”

“But what, Seokjin,” you gritted out, “Please stop and just tell me already.” 

“But I was too scared,” he admitted, “I’m still scared.” 

“Why are you scared?” The question drifted to his face, and you could tell he was struggling to answer even that one. It pained you to be this close yet so far from the answer.

“Why are you scared, Seokjin,” you whispered again, realizing that his hands were shaking. 

“Because…” You watched as he clenched them on his thighs, and he struggled to get the words out. “Because it’s going to happen again.” 

Enough with the obscurity. Frustration reached a boiling point. “What’s going to happen again?” 

“Exactly what happened last time!” Seokjin declared as his eyes pleaded with you, eyebrows furrowed and kneeling in anguish. The skin encasing his watery eyes remained that same dusty shade of affliction. 

You couldn’t for the life of you understand what he was saying, until you remembered last night. When you asked him about the time he loved before. 

Wait.

Your hand made a slow descent from your face as you matched Seokjin’s stare. A million words skittered across your eyes, transforming into liquid and sliding down your skin. You were sure you looked an absolute wreck with your tear-stained cheeks and reddened nose, but that didn’t concern you at all. The only thing you could hang onto was Jin’s words, just short of a confession. 

But you had to be sure. You weren’t settling for five words that could mean a thousand other things while arranged the same way. “The one from before,” you more stated than questioned, “Where is she now.” 

Seokjin never broke his gaze, doing an incredible job of keeping tears at the edges of his eyes. Heavy breaths caused his chest to swell with each pass. Voice low, he finally, finally caved, “She’s the one on the polaroid I have in my room.” 

The entire conversation from last night struck you like a freight train. So many realizations hit you at once and you didn’t know how your trembling legs were keeping you upright. 

It was you. He was talking about you. 

Your coat smothered your limbs like a cage, your whole being rattling inside like an animal starved. 

That was what he was truly hiding from you. That was what he had buried deep down into his chest. And you couldn’t blame him one bit after you realized it was exactly what you were holding from him, too. 

No matter the reason, you still kept your own truth hidden. It occurred to you then that you couldn’t be angry - that would just be hypocrisy. There was bravery in confession, and even more so to someone you no longer were allowed to feel that way about. 

You were the one that forced the truth out of Seokjin, and now you only felt like a coward. 

Movement in front of you snapped your vision back into focus. He was getting up to leave. Why was he leaving? 

“I knew this would happen,” he said, his voice strained. “I’ll go. I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable.” 

Oh. He assumed your silence was from guilt. Guilt that you didn’t feel the same. And he was about to walk out with that egregious misconception. What an absolute fool.

But no matter how hard you tried, the words wouldn’t budge from the back of your teeth. 

You had two choices here. One, you told him. You laid everything out and you admitted that you felt the same. Then tomorrow, he would leave your life and you may not see him again for years. And you tried this before - being in two separate schools and living different lives while holding onto your relationship. It obviously didn’t work last time, and you still saw him from time to time. This situation would be a thousand times harder. 

Which brought you to the second option: you let him go. You let him leave without telling him how you felt. Rip the bandage off right there and then. Leave him to pursue his dream, and with that the freedom to go and find someone else to love. Was that what you wanted? Was this your own sick version of loving him? All the villains in the universe would applaud you as you lied to his face while telling him not to give up. How fucking cruel would that be?

“Seokjin,” you called out, and your chest subtly heaved when he turned to stone by the door. His broad back remained still as you took a step towards him, and only after you roamed your eyes over his shoulders did you notice small movements. But he didn’t face you. It was almost as if he didn’t want to.

Agony consumed your entire being as you made your decision. 

You shut your eyes, clenched your jittering fingers into hard fists. 

“See you at the campfire,” you whispered, your voice unfamiliar even to yourself. 

The only response you got was the soft opening and closing of your door.

Compared to last night’s lion of a snow storm, tonight was but a mere cub. There were small flakes here and there taking their time to descend, and the fixtures from inside the lodge were the only light source beside the fire pit you were approaching downstairs. 

Situated in the center of your friends, the flames danced across their jovial smiles as they passed bottles around. The drinks weren’t the lodge’s, but the ones you all brought and snuck out of the rooms - the telltale green glass was enough of a hint. 

After Seokjin left, it took you a couple minutes to let everything out, and about thirty minutes crying into Rin’s shoulder once she witnessed your crumpled form on the floor. She listened to your recap of the conversation and Jin’s final secret, and through broken sobs you told her you couldn’t tell him yours. When she asked why, you told her your reasoning. When she called you an idiot, you wholeheartedly agreed and cried even harder. 

But you still stuck with your decision. It was for the best. You loved him so much that you wanted what was best for him, and that was to let you go. 

“Promise me one thing,” Rin murmured, earning a nod from you. “Only go through with it if you know you won’t regret it.” 

A sharp pain sliced through you then, but you acquiesced. “I won’t.” 

She then grabbed your Polaroid from the bed. It was Namjoon’s idea to bring it to the campfire once he heard you brought it on the trip. “Are you okay with this?” 

“Yeah,” you gulped, regarding the old piece of the past with heavy eyes. Seokjin confessed to you with the help of that camera. You weren’t okay with the mere idea of touching it. “Yeah, it’s fine. I want everyone to enjoy themselves tonight, so. Yes.” 

Even if that meant you suffered. This was Seokjin’s last trip with everyone, not just you. Why keep them from making good memories just because you were a walking dark cloud?

You reached the bottom of the rickety stairs, the squeaky noises catching the attention of the boys. Most of them raised their bottles to you, but you caught Jin staring at the fire instead. 

If you got through this night in one piece, it would be a miracle.

Namjoon stood as you and Rin settled into your seats. “Okay. Since we’re all here now, I say we start.” 

As everyone gave their cheers, the eldest just looked confused. “Start what?”

“Something for you,” Yoongi explained, his body already comfortable in his Adirondack. “Since you aren’t joining us for these anymore.”

“Ah, yah,” Seokjin protested, “You don’t need to do anything—”

“Don’t lie, you already love this,” Jimin cut in, all smiles despite the companion bruises and cuts on his face to Jin’s. “Although, your opinion may change in a second.”

Jungkook paused his leg bouncing to shout, “Let hyung explain!” 

You smiled as the group settled, but noticed that Jimin was looking at you strangely. You didn’t have time to process it, though, since Namjoon headed things off while a bottle rested against his chest, “Jin-hyung. We just want you to know that we’re proud of you. Even though we may not see you for awhile, you’ll be in our hearts and on our minds. Starting tomorrow, you’re already Dr. Kim to us, so I say we all call you by name tonight.”

Laughter and claps filled the air, drowning out Seokjin’s weak protests. 

Namjoon cleared his throat to calm the air, and you watched small flakes catch in his hair as he continued, “We’ll each do two things: give you advice, and ask for advice. Since you’re clearly educated, we figured you’d have a lot to say.”

“Oh, I’m just lucky.” 

“And keep sharp, everyone. Miss Photographer over there will be taking pictures.” Namjoon nodded at you, and you gave a short smile while holding up the Polaroid. You were fine doing this; behind the lens was your safe space. 

The boys and Rin slowly got through their questions and advice, and you were shocked by how insightful Seokjin was being. You never truly realized the magnitude of his intelligence. Every person around the campfire hung on his every word, and it didn’t help that you all took a swig after every good point he made - many, many times. You diligently fired away on your camera, making sure to get Seokjin with everyone so they could all have a moment captured with him. 

When Jimin’s turn came, he shot you a glance before looking at your ex. “Jin. That sounds weird to say. Jin-hyung.” He looked at the ground before continuing, and you knew it was to compose himself. “My advice to you… Sorry,” he buried his head in his elbow for a brief moment. Yoongi looked away. 

“I kinda gave you advice already,” Jimin trudged on, “And you took it. So, my next piece of advice would be to, uh, keep going.” 

You were rooted to your chair. Seokjin didn’t spare you a single glance during that exchange, but you knew it was about you. It had to be how he ended up at your door earlier. He even said Jimin was the one responsible for his wounds. 

“Thank you, Jimin,” Jin replied. “As for my advice to you, it’s okay to let people figure things out on their own. You don’t have to put it on yourself to be the one that keeps people together. If something ends up breaking, you’re going to think it’s your fault.” 

Jimin regarded him with watery eyes before nodding and wiping his freezing tears. And when he looked your way, he saw you only looking at Seokjin. Your face was slowly cracking, and the shadows in your facade were exacerbated by the flames. 

It was your turn; everyone else went. The Polaroid felt like a boulder on your thighs.

You blinked before setting the camera down and clutching your bottle. Since Seokjin was on the other side of the fire, you had to stand to see him, your tenseness on full display. 

What could you possibly say in that moment that he wanted to hear? That he was willing to listen to? You were certain you took his heart and slammed it into the ground earlier. It would be better if you just didn’t say anything. 

“Seokjin,” you started, pausing to collect yourself. “My advice to you is to forget the advice I gave you before.” 

Several pairs of eyes looked at you then. Even Jin finally regarded you, the most aware of what you were referring to.

“What I’m trying to say is: it’s okay to give up sometimes, because not everything that you want to happen is going to happen. There will be times you will just have to let things go. And that’s okay. Because maybe letting things go would end up for the best.” 

Jimin’s eyes bore into your soul. He sat so still that it put all the statues throughout history to shame. 

Seokjin grabbed his bottle with both hands, elbows resting on his knees. “Interesting advice.” His eyes danced as they took in the warm flames. “I might even follow it.” 

Both of your lungs threatened to give out at his words. Your hands almost dropped the glass you were barely clinging to, but you never looked away from Jin. It was as if your attention was chained to his body, your soul weighed down by his earlier confession and now his possible break. 

If he followed your advice, shouldn’t you be happy? It’s what you wanted in the end, right? You would let him go, and he wouldn’t look back. 

Snow drifted onto everyone’s chairs and the fire crackled in front of you. A small breath left you in a wisp of white. Warmth did its best to help you, but the cold was too strong. No amount of fire in the world could melt your icy conscience - you truly left Seokjin in the dark. He practically admitted that he loved you, and in return you gave him nothing. Of course he would consider your advice.  

“But I like the sound of not giving up. It has a ring to it that exists beyond the sound it makes when someone says it,” he cut himself off, the silence deafening. Inside, bells rang in your head. What was he implying? Seokjin’s voice was as clear as blue skies when he continued, “So, I guess I’m stealing your advice and giving it to everyone here.” 

Your gaze shifted to the side as everyone turned towards Seokjin. This was something you weren’t prepared to digest. Settling back down into your chair, you tried to even out your breathing and neutralize your shaking fingers. 

Your feelings were warring with each other in a confusing battle. If you wanted him to follow your advice, why were you relieved when he said he liked not giving up? Did that mean you hoped he still waited for you? Years and years and years from now? 

“Take it from me: don’t give up,” he advised. “But what I mean by that is to not give up until you’re happy.” 

Guilt squeezed your eyes shut, clamping your lids down. He was going to wait. Love was the one thing he wanted to be happy. And you held your love for him tightly in your hands, behind your back and hidden from sight. 

But even still, in the midst of your silent rejection, this man wasn’t letting go. Without saying the words, Seokjin was going to wait for you. Because he still loved you. 

This was too hard. 

“To being happy,” Jimin boisterously cheered, startling everyone and causing your bones to rattle. His glass remained high in the air, and everyone joined in with their own proclamations. 

“To being happy,” you whispered alongside the others, quickly taking a swig.

Yoongi was the next one to pipe up as he declared, “Okay, now that all that’s done, let’s just drink for fuck’s sake.” 

Amongst the laughter and “thank god”s thrown about, you quickly downed the rest of your drink like it was your lifeline. You needed more than liquid courage to get through the rest of the night. The camera by your feet was snatched up by Jungkook before Taehyung could get to it, and you prayed to every higher power that they kept it in one piece. 

As everyone made their way back to their rooms, you noticed Seokjin joking and laughing with the others like normal. It was a continuation of the rest of the night, since after the advice conversation it was nothing but fun. Your Polaroid almost ran out of film, for one, but watching everyone fight over the photos was entertainment in itself. There were digs toward Jin until he turned red, jabs thrown at Jimin’s fragile emotional state, and Rin’s warm laughter coating everything in a soft glow. 

And it was a bittersweet event. There was nothing more you wanted than to capture that moment and place it in a snowglobe. The world wouldn’t interfere with your friends, and none of you would ever leave. 

Seokjin was about to head up the stairs to tuck in for the night. Full of soju and stupidity, you blurted, “Leaving already?” 

He stilled before turning toward you. “Oh. Yeah.” He regarded you with a look you couldn’t completely decipher. “Long day tomorrow.” 

“Right,” you replied, hating the sudden hollowness you felt. Or didn’t feel. 

“Well… Good night.” Seokjin tapped the banister twice before heading up, and you softly wished him good night before speedwalking to your room. You were only tipsy, so the fast trip didn’t bother you. The camera in your hands kept your center balanced the whole way back.

By some strange miracle, you kept it together the whole time after everyone’s campfire speeches. You imagined yourself as an ice sculpture, surrounded by the guests of honor. Everyone gave you a glance and thought nothing else of you. They could only see composure and poise. Only when they got closer could they see you slowly melting, rivulets of remorse cascading down your entire frame.

Rin was in the middle of her skincare routine when you entered your room. As soon as she heard your footsteps, she made a noise indicating she had something to say. The product around her mouth didn’t let her yet, though. Which meant you had to wait. 

You stood in the doorframe of the bathroom, vision spinning just a smidge. This was probably a talk you didn’t want to have, but you gave your friend her podium. It was only fair. Her serious talks were few and far between. 

But she didn’t have much to say when she finished getting ready for bed. In fact, she only said three sentences. 

“It’s 11 o’clock,” she stated plainly, her tone indicating she was done with the calmer approach. Bluntness was more her style. 

“Okay?” 

“We leave at 7 in the morning.” 

“And?” 

“It means you have eight hours to decide how you’re going to feel for the next ten years.” 

Silence. 

All you could respond with was silence. 

Dead air. Sober. You were sober now. In that moment, you may have held your breath for a century. Too many thoughts flooded your brain, from past memories at a carnival to future images of an empty apartment with a bed fit for one. 

It was stark. Blank. There wasn’t going to be a future with Seokjin, no matter what you said. 

But when Rin put it that way, would you feel better if he knew the truth? Or would you keep this idiotic stance and lock your feelings away forever? 

For the third time that night, your fingers rattled. Rin took them into her comforting palms. 

“Go,” she murmured, and she smiled as she witnessed you burst into the hall. 

Your strides were incredibly long as you hurried down the corridor. The doors blurred on either side of your vision, the pattern of the floor elongated with your fast pace. Your camera thudded into your chest over and over. Step after step after step got faster and faster as your anxiousness bubbled into your brain. The last turn before the stairs made you skid, and you rushed up the rickety steps. Your heart was thrumming, scratching at your chest to set it free. 

When you got to his door, you were certain you woke sleeping neighbors with your rapid knocking. But you couldn’t stop yourself. Nothing could possibly stop you now.

You had no plan. There wasn’t time to think. All you wanted was to see him. All you could think about was letting everything out. Eight hours. You had eight hours.

Seokjin tugged the door open, pausing mid-swing when he saw your face. He looked so beautiful. Full of warmth. Like home.

“Jinnie.” 

You didn’t mean to call him that, but you didn’t take it back. You weren’t taking anything back anymore. His eyes roamed over your features multiple times, searching for any indication that this was a dream. But it wasn’t. The words finally slipped from your lips. 

“I’m not following your advice. Or my own.” 

His eyebrows furrowed, but you pushed on. 

“I’m giving up. But I’m giving up because I can’t let you go.” When Seokjin stared at you, it was impossible to look away. 

His response came out in a rush, “What are you… what are you saying?”

“I’m saying I love you.” You huffed out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. “Damn it, I— I just love you. I love you so much it hurts.” 

A shaky exhale left you at the look on his face. The quick descent into realization formed in the corners of his eyes, tears pooled at the edges before quickly streaming down his cheeks, collecting at the crux of his chin. Glassy orbs bore straight into your soul in search of answers, of truth. And if he wanted those answers, you already admitted the biggest one, so words were easier to come by.

“I’ve felt this way ever since our trip last year,” you started, slowly inching toward the wreck of a man. Not like you fared any better with the streaks forming on your own cheeks. “And I know it’s the stupidest thing to tell you now since you’re leaving, and we failed at long distance before, but--” 

Seokjin breathed out your name, and his next words would stay imprinted in your mind forever. “I still want to try. And I’ll try as many times as you’ll let me.” 

“I know. I know that now,” you whispered. 

Passion and warmth bloomed in your chest, spiraling out into the far reaches of your limbs. Hundreds of nights imagining him accepting you again didn’t prepare you for this feeling. Nothing was holding you back; your walls came crashing down. 

You finally broke and shielded your face in your hands, and you felt sturdy arms shield you from the world. The cruel, beautiful world that brought you two together right before he disappeared from your life again. You cried, and sobbed, and wheezed. The elation from his confession only magnified the pain of his departure. 

You felt the weight of the Polaroid leave your chest as Seokjin lifted it from your neck. “Come inside,” Seokjin whispered into your hair, earning a hiccup from your chest. “Please.” 

It was only then that you noticed you were still out in the hall. A small nod from you was all he needed to guide you into his room, and your throat constricted at the bags lying open on the bed. 

Seokjin was already packing. Packing while thinking he was going to go through the same thing he went through last time. You felt absolutely sick. How could you even think of doing this to him? If there was a way to make it all up to him, you would do it. “I didn’t want to tell you before,” you confessed, burying your nose into his chest. “But that was wrong of me. You almost left without knowing. I’m so sorry.” 

Strong, lean fingers traveled through your hair as your camera was placed on a table. The heavy clunk it made reached your ears, and a whisper followed. “I didn’t want to tell you, either. You don’t need to apologize.” 

“If I told you earlier, we would’ve had more time. Now I’m just sad.”  

“Look at me.” Jin caressed the back of your head, naturally lifting your gaze. His watery eyes took yours in, and he leaned forward to kiss the top of your hair. “We still have tonight, so if we’re going to be sad, let’s wait until after.” 

“But you’re crying, too,” you observed, feeling slightly better from his words. How Seokjin was able to have that effect on you, you would never understand. 

A light huff from him made you melt. “That’s because I’m so happy,” he confessed, softly laughing again and wiping his eyes with both hands. 

He was happy. Seokjin was happy. You looked at the growing smile under his fingers, and you had no choice but to grin and join in his laughter. 

Not because it was funny. But because it was unbelievable. You were able to gift him the last piece he was missing - he was finally able to find that happiness. How were you about to deny that from him? Now it seemed unfathomable.

When you looked at his hands again, you noticed there were lingering cuts. Worry washing over you, you cradled one in your palms and asked as Seokjin looked at you, “Should I take care of this, too?” Though the man had more than enough knowledge on playground injury care, you still offered because you wanted to be there for him in any possible way.

He replied instantly, “I took care of everything. Jimin, too. You saw him being his usual self earlier.” 

“He said he’d give you hell if you didn’t talk to me on this trip. I didn’t think he would go this far, though.” You reached up to run a thumb along the small gash on Seokjin’s cheek, the blood drying into a deep red. “I’ll make him regret it later.” 

Jin leaned into your touch, causing sparks in your skin. “Don’t,” he whispered, “He’s the reason I ended up at your door.” 

You just nodded and lost yourself in the feel of his soft face. It was incredibly smooth under your fingers, even better than when you held his cheeks all those years ago. To think that this man loved you ever since then, and continued to do so until now, was unbelievable. But it was true, and no amount of words could account for how you felt about that. 

Those eyes overflowing with adoration and affection were solely for you, and diving into them felt like being immersed in sunlit waters. 

“Can I kiss you?” 

The simple question took you by surprise, but you gazed at his lips. They only looked inviting, so who were you to deny him? “Please,” you sighed, and your eyelids closed shut at his pillowy touch. 

Color sprang from your heart at his confession, but heat burst from your chest at his kiss. The moment his lips met yours, every worry wrapped around your conscience snapped in two. Vines of doubt, regret, and anxiety withered under the warmth of Seokjin’s touch. It was cleansing. Powerful. Searing. 

A hand captured the back of your neck, and Jin took advantage of your gasp by dragging his tongue around the edge of your lips, a wordless plea to let him in. You gave in immediately, leaning forward and deepening the kiss, roping his tongue and eliciting a groan. 

Heat rushed between your legs and you echoed his sound with a soft moan of your own. Unwittingly, your hands found their way to Seokjin’s chest and you reveled in the feel of him under the thin material of his shirt. Without breaking your lips from his, you skirted the cotton hem with your fingers.  

Jin knew what you wanted, and his grin against your mouth only made you flush with desire. He broke from your lips to fully remove his shirt, and seeing his bare chest wiped the air from your lungs. You could only stare as you took in the lines of his solid build, wondering how the hell he had the time to achieve that look. 

Seokjin smirked at your reaction, tossing his top and hauling the bags off his bed while you were taking time to process everything. “Do I need to charge you?” 

You shook your empty head like a zombie. Your brain was currently mush, purely focused on the way his muscles rippled and slid against the confines of his skin. “No, don’t. I didn’t bring any money with me.” 

Laughter erupted from the other side of the bed. After Seokjin placed the last bag on the floor, he straightened and clarified, “I meant plug you in. You seem to be buffering over there. Low battery?”

“Shut up and get on the bed,” you teased, shrugging off the coat you still had on. You didn’t even get to change since coming in from the campfire. 

“Shut up and get on the bed, yes,” Seokjin fired back mercilessly as he sat on the comforter. He knew exactly how to push you. Even though you laughed, you made you way over to him and stood between his legs. 

You were silent then. No matter how happy you were, his departure tomorrow was weighing on you. The time you had with him was short. 

You wanted to make the most of it. Bringing your hand up to his face, you made sure to lightly skim over his gashes before mapping the rest. You wanted to ingrain every curve, every dip, every feature into memory. Every second was precious. The polaroid you had of him would still be no match for the real thing. If only you could capture the warmth of someone and keep it frozen in time.

Sure fingers clasped your hand, and Seokjin softly pulled you closer. Your first instinct was to rush in and hug him for dear life, and he immediately did the same to you, snatching the breath from your lungs and tugging tears from your ducts. You buried your face into his neck, inhaling his familiar scent and lamenting all the time you spent worrying over the smallest things. 

“We don’t have a lot of time,” Seokjin whispered, squeezing your heart. 

“I know,” you choked. You didn’t have much else to say.

“I just want to make sure we use it to do what you want.” 

You loosened your hold on him, astonished by his consideration. The growing bulge under his pants was more than screaming his wants. You felt it ever since the first kiss. But even still, he wanted to accommodate you. Your needs before his. 

It just made you fall for him even more. 

Reaching down to skim your fingers along his cock straining against his pants, you hovered your lips over his neck. “I want you,” you whispered before descending upon the smooth expanse of skin and earning a groan. 

Without warning, Seokjin tightened his arms around you. In one smooth motion, he effortlessly lifted you to straddle his thighs. You didn’t have time to think as he followed up with grabbing your head, pulling you down for another heated kiss. Your fingers latched onto his shoulders, scraping them when he thrust his tongue into your mouth. 

“Don’t do that yet,” he grunted, and you didn’t need to ask why after feeling a twitch in his jeans. 

You obeyed for the time being, cupping his neck with both hands. When you rolled your body against his, the hard feel of his stomach made you whimper. It was when you settled back on his hardness that your eyes widened. You were sure he was aching despite his silence. Maybe you could help him out a bit. “Jinnie,” you whispered, a firm hand on his chest, “Lie back for me.” 

“I love hearing that again,” Seokjin admitted through a content smile, starting a fire across your cheeks. He leaned back after giving you another peck, and you plucked yourself from his thighs to take your shoes off. 

But time was your biggest motivator to strip most of your clothes at that moment - not just your boots. Your pants were first, followed by your sweater, and finally your shirt. The whole time, Seokjin stayed propped on his elbows, watching you intently. He couldn’t hide the adoration in his eyes even if he tried. As he watched you stand there in nothing but your set, he smiled. “You’re beautiful.” 

“Thank you,” you whispered in return. “Still not as great as you, though.” You started unbuttoning his jeans before he could defend his stance, and he lifted his lower body to help you shrug them off with his underwear. When Seokjin’s thick cock sprung free, your heart jumped at the sight. It had been so long since you felt it, tasted it, rode it. Was he thinking the same? Taking his velvety length in your hand for the first time in a long time, you felt a burst of confidence at its familiarity and his response.

“Baby,” he groaned, running a hand through his hair. “Please.” 

You didn’t need another word. At the sound of the familiar pet name, you already started hovering over his cock, admiring how pretty it was before diving in. Licking around the head, you used the slick to glide your mouth far down his shaft, rolling your hand along the bottom to coat the rest. 

Seokjin jolted at the sudden pleasure, and you felt a pang in your heart. You wanted him to remember this night. And you were much more experienced than you were before, though you would only get so much time to prove your growth. 

Coming up for air, you used your hand to gather the rest of your spit and slide it down his cock, rubbing it a few times before diving down again. The stilted, garbled noises coming from your filled mouth were even getting your own underwear soaked, but they weren’t a match for Seokjin’s. His delicious grunts and moans sent you close to the edge. They were deeper than you remembered, and he wasn’t one to shy away from showing you how turned on and pleasured he was feeling.

The prominent veins of his cock were the roads along which your tongue traveled, and you made sure to love them all in between stuffing him fully in your warm mouth. He was so big, but you wanted to take every inch, tears welling in your eyes with your efforts. 

You fought through even when you felt him rock the back of your throat. Seokjin took that moment to sit up, causing tears to leak fully down your cheeks at the deeper thrust. His hands dove into your hair, but he didn’t force your head down. Instead, they tugged you off his cock, and he gazed down lovingly at your wrecked expression. Jin’s voice dipped an octave and came out coated in sin as he asked, “Can you go a little more for me, beautiful?” 

Your body tingled on instinct. You nodded and, when he smiled, you gripped his drenched dick in your fingers before descending your mouth onto his balls. Seokjin bucked his hips forward in a jolt as you grinned, lapping at his salty skin and delighting in the tremulous groans rolling down your back. Your hand squeezed the tip of his shaft before you straightened again, taking his cock captive without pause.

“Shit,” he grunted, his long fingers diving into your hair. His hands still didn’t push you down further, oddly, so you took the initiative and plunged down yourself. 

The feel of his cock in your mouth was so familiar. It was almost second nature how easily you sucked him off, knowing when to hollow your cheeks and pull him further down the abyss of ecstasy. When to sink further and hum, ripping a delicious sound from his throat. Even when to bob and swirl your head around, effectively shutting down his ability to function. 

It was then that you chose to really bring it home. You breathed through your nose as you took more and more of him in, even after you couldn’t breathe anymore. You felt your nose hit this pubic bone, and the long moan you got from Seokjin was worth the burn in your throat. His fingers tightened around your head, but when you came up gasping for air he didn’t stop you. 

“Come here,” is all he said, tugging you up to straddle him again. A trail of saliva swung from your lips as you came up, but you paid it no mind. If anything, it added to the building lust inside your bones. Your panties were absolutely drenched by now, so dragging your core along Seokjin’s cock caused both of you to twinge. “Fuck,” he gasped, fueling your heat. 

“Jinnie, please,” you whimpered, your voice hoarse. You wanted everything from him at once. You were getting impatient, and the overwhelming time pressure was stressing you the hell out. “I need you, please.” 

Suddenly, everything stopped as Seokjin cradled your chin and swiped the spit from your lips. “You have me,” he assured you. “You have all of me.” He kissed your nose. “And you’ll have me for a very long time.” 

Relenting, you leaned into his touch. “Now is what I’m concerned about.” 

“I know,” he agreed before kissing you again. “I just wanted you to know the rest.” 

“Okay,” you whispered before capturing his full lips with your own. When you felt him wrapping his arms around you, your heart leaped into your throat. When you felt him shift the both of you to lower you onto the bed, you already knew fresh tears were waiting behind your eyes. 

With great care, Jin slipped your underwear off your smooth legs. Your bra was deftly unhooked next - not without an eyebrow raise from you and a wink from him - and tossed from the bed. 

Staring at your naked form, Seokjin appeared completely lost in thought. It got to the point where you felt like covering yourself, but when you attempted to he swiftly denied any insecurity. “Don’t keep this from me,” he whispered. “I want to remember everything.” 

You kept it together until then. Something in you broke and you softly choked on a cry. So he was thinking the same as you. This was the last night for a long time. 

Starting from your shoulder, he kissed his way down along your neck, your collarbone, your chest. Taking one breast in one hand, he swirled his tongue around the nipple of the other. You gasped from the sudden burst of pleasure, which made Seokjin repeat the motion on the other side. He then lightly sucked on the nipple, releasing it with a small pop. 

You wanted to close your eyes and lose yourself in the waves of pleasure he was giving you, making his way down your body. But you wanted to relive this night again and again. So you had to keep your eyes on him. Only him. His mouth’s searing heat as it kissed along your stomach, and the stark cold left behind when he moved on. His soft touch as he gently pried your legs open, and dark, lust-filled eyes as he stared at your dripping entrance. You wanted to remember the way he kissed along your legs, nipping in some places to make you gasp. The way his beautiful lips connected with your heat in a reverent kiss before his tongue explored inside. Each flick of his tongue, squeeze of his fingers on your legs, noise from his lips. How you loved him through every second of him worshipping you. 

As soon as he brought his fingers up to caress your folds while sucking on your clit, you had to stop him. It was too much. You wanted to feel him when you broke. 

Seokjin wordlessly obeyed as he crawled above you. You pulled him down for a kiss, not caring how he tasted. Your hands then went to his shoulders as he positioned himself at your entrance. 

“Are you still…” 

“Yes,” you nodded, touched that he remembered. “I’m still on it.” 

“Okay.” He swooped down to capture your lips, and when you clenched your fingers around his shoulders, he grunted. “Are you okay to take it all?” 

“Go slow. For now,” you said, earning a nod. “It’s been awhile.”

Seokjin’s gaze was heavy as he prepared himself. “Same.” 

At the initial push, you whooshed out a gasp. It had been way too long since you’d been with someone. The intrusion indeed hurt. Maybe you should have let him prep you more, in hindsight. But Seokjin was nothing but tender as he waited for you to adjust. Once you were okay, he steadily pushed out and in again, going deeper. Slowly but surely, you were able to fully take him in. 

And the feel of him completely inside you was nothing like you’ve felt before. It was comfort. It was home. It was a perfect fit, and you wanted to stay like that forever. 

“God,” Seokjin groaned, “I don’t want to leave this room.” 

You chuckled, rolling your hips. “Hmm, pussy or Harvard. That’s a pretty tough one.” 

“If it’s yours, Harvard can wait,” Seokjin grunted before sending your thoughts spiraling with a huge thrust. You outright whined at him, but he pulled out only to spear you again with one long motion. “You still like it rough, baby?” 

Chills cascaded down your spine and pooled at the apex of your toes. This was the Seokjin you were waiting for. You wondered if he was still into that after witnessing everything he was doing for you beforehand. But oh, were you ready for the pivot. “Fuck, yes,” you moaned. “You know I do.” 

“You still have your word?” 

“Carousel, yes.” 

“Good girl.” That was all Seokjin needed. Grabbing the top of the headboard behind you, he launched into a rough and relentless pace that had you seeing stars. You felt so full, yet so weightless as you let your body go limp. The feel of Seokjin’s cock slamming into you repeatedly would continue to exist for months after tonight, the ridges of it sliding along your walls never forgotten entirely. You needed as much as he could give, and he knew that. 

Gripping one of your legs, he hauled it over his sweat-slicked shoulder and tilted himself to reach a deeper position, twisting his reddened face to plant kisses on your ankle. Mewl after mewl tumbled from your lips at the deep thrusts. 

“Touch yourself for me, baby,” Jin commanded while still pounding into you, and you wouldn’t dream of disobeying. Your fingers went straight for your jiggling breasts, teasing your nipples and tugging them for his blown out eyes. You moaned, and smirked when you saw Seokjin beginning to lose himself. 

His tell was his scrunched eyebrows, and his eyes shifting down to watch his cock ram into your tight cunt. You still knew, after years. 

You fell into complete ecstasy when he reached down with his free hand to rub your clit between your bodies, loving the way the veins in his arms protruded. Imagining licking along them all made you moan. And you didn’t care if the people around you heard. All of your mewls, moans, whines - they were all for Jin. He could have all of you again and again.  

After one particularly deep thrust, he tugged his cock out, leaving your walls fluttering around an agonizing emptiness. “Turn around. On your knees.” 

“Holy fuck, yes,” you rasped. He wasn’t letting the night go to waste at all. 

Before you even assumed the next position, you felt a hand come down on your ass. The smack jolted you forward in pain, with pleasure settling in its wake. 

“So pretty,” Seokjin whispered, ghosting his hand over the spot he spanked. He gave it another smack before gripping your ass cheeks apart. You assumed he was roving his eyes over your drenched core. “And still so wet.” 

“Just for you,” you affirmed. 

“Just for me,” he repeated before adjusting his knees on the bed to get closer. “But you might be too loud tonight, baby. I’m going to need silence from you this time.” 

Shit. You were never, ever good at this part. But you nodded. What you weren’t expecting right away was the initial stroke to be rough, right down to the hilt. You cried out immediately, earning you a harsh spank. 

Seokjin’s sudden laugh made you chuckle in embarrassment. He breathily joked, “Out of practice?” 

“Something like that,” you admitted, your elbows and grin lost in the sheets. “I’m rusty.” 

“Okay, let’s just do this then.” Jin leaned forward, stretching over you. You groaned at the feel of his solid chest on your soft back, your eyes rolling into your head feeling him completely mold into you for a moment. He got a fluffy pillow from the other side of the bed and let your head rest on it. “Can you bite this for me, my love?” 

The new name spread wildfire across your face. “Yes. That I can do,” you assured him. When you had the material securely in your mouth, you nodded to signal he could continue. 

“Good girl.” And continue Seokjin did. He went right back into the dominant Jin he loved being, and the one you loved being with. There was no mercy in his thrusts, stroke after stroke after stroke. If you lifted your back a little or lowered your butt, he smacked your supple flesh and corrected you instantly. “Ass up, baby.” 

With Jin’s relentless pace, your body went limp and hung on by a thread. Loosening up allowed for even more of his cock, and your muffled moans started getting louder the closer and closer you got to the edge. You could feel your core tightening, threatening to unleash the pent up tension. 

“That’s it, beautiful,” Seokjin praised, feeling your walls squeeze around him. “Do you want to come like this?”

You hastily shook your head. You wanted to see him when you came. And if you remembered correctly, he loved seeing your face when it happened, as well.

“Too bad,” he chuckled darkly, and you almost came undone right then. “Guess you’ll have to come again the way you want to later.” Reaching under you, he toyed with your clit as he kept the pace from behind. 

You let go of the pillowcase as you kicked your head back in a moan, your saliva trail slowly gravitating toward the sheets. Seokjin only let you breathe for a second before pushing your head back down into the thin material. “Make noise again and you won’t come at all.”

Fuck. You bit hard into the pillow, tears forming at the corners of your eyes as you felt yourself losing control. His fingers felt divine on your bundle of nerves, his dick sliding through your folds over and over and over. The hand he placed on your head smoothed over your hair before bunching it and tugging. You reared back, dots swimming in your vision. “God, I want to choke you. Can I do that, my love?” 

You released the pillow from your mouth again. His consideration was top notch tonight. Too much? You couldn’t decide or really care. “Yes, just do it. Do anything. Please. I’m so close.” 

“Mm. Then cover your mouth.” Before you could follow his command, Seokjin pulled you up by a shoulder to be flush against his front. Sweat coated your back and your ass, causing you to slide down his chiseled stomach while speared on his cock. A strong hand wrapped around your throat, and the fingers that were teasing your clit mercilessly now ventured into the front of your folds. 

One of your hands shot up to clamp over your mouth right before you let out a long groan. You loved when he took control, and when he lost control. If both happened at the same time, it was heaven. 

You could barely last on your knees as his dick slammed up into you repeatedly. The hand around your airway was tight but only just, his praises in your ear being the real culprit of your stolen breath. Your pussy clenched harshly around his length, and you knew from the tight coil in your body that you were seconds from euphoria. 

Seokjin felt it instantly. “Come, baby.” And as soon as he relinquished your throat did you give in, waves of pleasure coursing through you and a white burn shimmering in your lungs. It seemed endless. Ripple after ripple thrummed through your body, your joints slowly unlocking from their initial freeze. Behind you, Seokjin groaned and sang sweet nothings in your ear, his arms wrapping around your chest in a scorching embrace. 

The high ebbed, but did not completely recede. You knew Jin still needed release, so you kissed his wrist next to your shoulder and whispered, “I want to see you now.”

“Whatever you need.” Seokjin slowly unsheathed himself, and you felt a slight pain. You watched as he positioned his back on the headboard. He knew what you wanted to do. 

You made your way over to him and hovered over his length. Locking your hazy eyes with his dark set, you kissed him lazily as you languidly sank back onto him. Seokjin groaned when you didn’t use your hand as a guide beforehand. And frankly, that turned you on, too.

“You’re so tight still,” he grunted, his hands coming up and grabbing your ass before settling on your hips. 

You rolled your hips before finding a rhythm. “You’re just big,” you mock complained, earning a deep chuckle. 

“Aww. You sound. So. Sad,” he teased, thrusting up into you to punctuate each word. Your mewls were welcome now since he was done with his role. Now he could just sit back and enjoy your show for him. And occasionally torture you. 

You found your rhythm again, rougher with him now with your hands in his dark, sweaty locks. One of your hands dropped onto his chest and raked down his breast, eliciting a higher moan than normal. 

The sound caused heat to pool between your legs again, and you upped the pace. Your thighs burned from the exertion, but you kept yourself distracted by diving into Jin’s neck and nipping in multiple places. His arms left your hips to wrap around your back, and your breath faltered as he took over again. 

Seokjin was close. He was always close when his limbs locked hard into place. His upward thrusts were fast and hard, and you could only moan in his ear and take him in. The coil that released once tonight was tightening again, and you murmured in his ear that you were close. 

Seokjin only needed to kiss you like his life depended on it for you to unravel again. The wave was weaker than last time, but it could still cover mountains. Your head felt light, dancing above the clouds with no intention of coming down. You pushed yourself from his lips, allowing him to see your flushed chest and reddened cheeks. The second orgasm faded and loosened your limbs, but your heart felt completely connected to his, your soul nestled into the comfort of his tender embrace. “I love you,” you sighed, and you immediately felt a huge twitch between your folds.

“Lie down, baby. I’m close.” 

“It’s okay,” you whispered, cradling his cheek. “Come inside me, Jinnie. I wanna feel you.” 

“Shit,” he grunted. His thrusts descended into madness. Your heart rattled at the sight of his dusted red cheeks, sweaty neck, heaving chest. He was the most beautiful man you’d ever seen, and the one you would overturn stars to find should you ever lose him again. 

When he gazed down at your joined sex, you took in the wet strands of hair on his forehead. When he kicked his head back against the headboard to look at you with lidded eyes, you bit your swollen lips. This wonderful man was your lover, your ex, your friend, and now your lover again. Only this time, you truly loved him back. And you wanted to think back to this moment forever. 

Tears sprung into your eyes as he pulled you in for a searing kiss, and his orgasm released into you in spurts. The thrusts he made then were slow and powerful, and your body bobbed with the swells. You kissed him harder than necessary, almost willing to bruise your own lips on his. The longer you held his lips captive, the longer he couldn’t see your sorrow. 

But Seokjin already felt the drops ping his chest. He just let you cry because that’s what you needed. Even when he broke from the kiss, he never said a word. He trailed kisses along your wet cheeks, your sweaty nose, and your glistening forehead. His poignant visage held nothing but stars, and it reminded you of the night you fell in love, crushing your spirit ever more. 

Touch after touch after touch only coaxed more tears from your eyes. It felt never ending as you sat spent in his lap, still on his softening length. Sheer willpower was what caused you to finally speak, your voice hoarse, “We should clean up. You still need to pack and sleep.”

“We should, and I do,” he whispered. He patted your bum. “Can you get up by yourself?” 

You nodded before extracting yourself from his firm thighs, lamenting the fact that human bodies had limits. As you waddled to the bathroom, you stumbled along the way, Seokjin softly chuckled while following you and steadying you when needed. Even when you shot empty glares at him, the smile in his eyes never left. 

The rest of your time spent in his room consisted of silence and kisses. Ever the gentleman, he let you lie down on his bed while he used the other half for the bags to pack. It didn’t take him too long since he was organized from the jump, so when he was done he cleared the bed and joined you under the covers. When you felt a weight on your stomach, you looked down to see your camera dumped on the comforter. 

Seokjin wrapped a strong arm behind your neck. “What do you call naked pictures taken with a Polaroid?” 

“Oh, no.” You turned your head to face him. “What?” 

“Just pictures. But that’s old nudes.” 

You punished him by attacking his sides instantly, yanking a batch of honky laughs from him. Knowing your own weaknesses still, he unleashed his own parry, and it took a minute for the both of you to settle in a draw. 

“Don’t tell me the only reason you brought this into the bed was to tell that horrid joke,” you chuckled, your head back to resting in your pillow. 

“Nope. I wanna take one of us.” 

After getting past all seven of your objections and excuses, Seokjin whittled your walls down and got you to agree. The end product existed on the last film in your Polaroid: a crooked snapshot of him kissing your cheek as you smiled with creased eyes, sheets held against your chest. And he conceded in letting you keep it after watching you clutch it lovingly in your fingers. 

You immediately sought comfort in his embrace after setting the photo next to your phone on the nightstand, and he stole multiple kisses from you way after your eyes couldn’t stay open any longer. 

“Get some sleep, my love,” Seokjin whispered. 

And despite your sound of protest, you were pulled into the abyss of sleep right as you felt pillowy lips caress your forehead.

Rin-Rin [6:40am]: You’re lucky I love you. I packed your stuff and left out an outfit for you when you come down. Just don’t be late or I’ll drag you back down myself :)))

Jiminie [6:45am]: RISE N SHINE LOVEBIRDS

Rin-Rin [6:46am]: Oh, yeah, I may or may not have texted Jimin. 

Jiminie [6:46am]: ABOUT TIME

Jiminie [6:46am]: !!!

Tae [6:47am]: jimins scream woke me up. i can only assume that means ill get to be an uncle soon. dont let me down i want this(: 

Joonie [6:48am]: Aaaaaaaaaa !!!

Jiminie [6:48am]: And I know you want to yell at me for yesterday so I am ready for that whenever you are

Kook [6:50am]: <3 

You smiled at your texts before locking your phone. Seokjin was already up and about, making sure everything was packed and accounted for. When he saw you stirring, he came over and surprised you with a kiss so deep that it revitalized your sagging emotional state. “Morning,” you chuckled, swinging your sore legs out of the sheets and wincing at the cold. “I need to head back down.”

“Yeah, Rin already sent the first round of threats. I’ll see you at the car, okay?” 

You pecked him on the cheek after you slipped on your boots and grabbed your Polaroid.  Stepping into the hallway, you kept reminding yourself to not completely lose it yet. There was still a whole car ride you got to have with him, and you were determined to slow down time however you could. 

Your phone buzzed again, and you assumed Yoongi and Hoseok were just now waking up and getting the gossip. Checking your notifications only validated your guess.

Hobi [6:52am]: AHHHHH HAPPY FOR U~!!!

Hobi [6:52am]: ASLSKDJSKDHSKDJ

Yoongi [6:53am]: I’ll make sure to drag him back sometimes. It’s ludicrous to say that we’d never see him again. Drama queen. Anyways, happy for you. If you need anything, let me know. 

Hobi [6:53am]: we’ll see seokjinnie again love. and if u miss him a lot then we can make sure you see him. im sure he’ll be missing u too

How you were able to win the friend lottery and meet these people, you had no clue. But you weren’t going to ever question the fact. All you would do was embrace your blessings and love them. 

The car ride to the airport was long, but still much too short for your liking. Between the loving gazes you directed at Seokjin as he sang along to Taehyung’s music, the looks full of mirth Jimin gave the both of you from the backseat, and the laughter of both Rin and Taehyung, you were the happiest you’ve felt in a very long time. 

Throughout the ride, you got the feeling that you were going to be okay. Seokjin was starting an insane adventure, but you were also going to be there every step of the way. Not just on the polaroid he decided to stash in his bag, but in his heart and on his mind like Namjoon said around the fire. 

There were still plenty of ways to see each other and communicate. And since he technically didn’t start until next summer, that gave you plenty of time to see him before then. The many possibilities made you question your hesitation in the first place. 

But none of that diminished how much of a struggle it was still going to be. 

When the car rolled to a stop in the airport parking lot, your chest constricted. When everyone got their bags out of the cars and started the trek to the shuttles, your hands shook on your straps. As soon as everyone started saying their byes and separating to check into their airlines, you found it hard to breathe. 

But a tender hand brushed through your hair, and plush lips connected with your forehead. In an instant, you felt okay again. 

Seokjin’s calm voice slipped over your features. “Your flight leaves in two hours, right?” When you nodded, he continued, “Okay. Come shop with me before I have to go to my gate!” 

You tried your best to keep a positive attitude while you watched Jin peruse different airport stores. When he would hold stuff up for you to approve, you would smile or dramatically turn things down. Even the cute neck pillow he really wanted got the dreaded rejection. 

But that was only so you could pay for it when he wasn’t looking and surprise him. The huge laugh and grin you got in return was worth the trouble. 

When it was time for Seokjin to head to his gate, you brought him in for a crushing hug. “Let me know when you land,” you demanded. 

“Of course, honey,” he said through a smile. 

“‘Honey,’ now?” You regarded him with a raised eyebrow. “You have so many nicknames for me. I can’t keep up. Do you have a favorite you could stick with?” 

Seokjin rested his chin on your head. “Ah, I have a favorite. But it’s not true yet, so I shouldn’t use it.” 

A fire ignited in your heart, the flames warming you from the inside. “And which one is that?” 

“Would you look at the time!” Jin’s body heat left you in a rush as he stepped away, and your instinctual pout made him laugh outright. He cupped your chin for a kiss that rocked your whole being before pulling away. His eyes held galaxies in them when he stared into yours. “Guess you’ll have to wait for the answer to that one.” 

“You’re a jerk, Jinnie,” you huffed, but you kissed him again. “You’re lucky I love you.” 

“I really am. And I love you,” he responded. His hand came down to squeeze yours before he had to part. “I’ll let you know when I make it. Call me when you get home, okay?” 

“Okay,” you replied, and you watched his long strides with a heavy heart and a hopeful mind. 

As you told yourself again and again, you were going to be okay. It was going to be tough, it was going to be absolutely painful. But as long as you decided to keep loving each other, everything would work out. 

You knew better than anyone that love was a choice. And for Seokjin, you would choose it a thousand times over. 

And besides, the current state of technology was on your side. The possibilities of communication were too endless for you to dwell on the distance. Were there going to be days in which you only received one text? Most likely. Were there going to be weeks where you weren’t going to hear much from Seokjin at all? Definitely. But this time, unlike last time, you welcomed every bit of it. Your heart built a bridge to his that defied any sense of physical distance. On opposite sides, both of you were achieving success in your own ways. In the end, you would always come back to each other to celebrate together. Even though this was the last November trip you had with Seokjin, it was the beginning of many, many wonderful years to come.

It was later, while you were waiting for your own flight to finish boarding, that a message was sent to your phone. 

Jinnie [12:04pm]: Attachment: 1 Image

You couldn’t help but grin. As you gazed lovingly at the picture of Seokjin smiling next to your polaroid, another one came in before you could respond.

Jinnie [12:05pm]: Until you’re really next to me, this will have to do. Don’t get too jealous! 

You laughed to yourself, rolling your eyes while setting the image as your wallpaper. Locking your phone, you tapped the glass to see your screen light up, observing the picture again.

On a plane heading to another city entirely, Seokjin was doing the exact same thing. Except in his case, he was smiling down at a girl caught in mid-laughter, body aglow from the bright yellow lights of a spinning carousel behind her. 

-

-

-

a/n: whewww so if you made it to the end, hi! i seriously enjoyed writing this and i learned so much. it’s my first fic and first huge one-shot, so if you have any comments/concerns/constructive feedback, please let me know! my ask box is always open, too. lastly, here is my m.list if you want to browse! 🌨🌨🌨 ++ feedback box (added nov. 25th, 2021): ⇥ of course, any reblogs/comments/messages are appreciated! ⇥ for the ones that aren’t okay with reblogging with a review, commenting on this, or sending a message, i went ahead and made another anonymous form where you can send in what you think! ⇥ no emails collected, no need to put in a username. it’s literally just a feedback dropbox :D ⇥ here!   ++ ⇥ masterlist