#this is What Ive Alwyas Wanted

[be-good-to-bugs]

maybe i WILL get to move back home

[bakusquad-101]

Mina Ashido Headcanons

- I feel like her quirk would turn off i don’t know but it just seems right! (She’s black this is canon idc)

- She has curly hair , it’s very bounce , she has this pink bonnet with pretty stars on it (Denki sometimes steals it ,rip)

- Plays volleyball & track , it’s canon (horokoshi said she’s athletic)

- Sweetest girl ever , literally it’s rare to see her mad or upset (although she cries a lot in the anime

- Very energetic , jumps on all her friends ever time she seems them , everyone has gotten use to her doing this

- Life of the party , she always gets everyone hyped(canon)

- She doesn’t know what she likes and doesn’t know how to , many people had crushes on her , but she can’t seem to find love for her , she’s had crushes but she just can’t find herself to date (canon)

- she’s thicc (IVE ALWYAS HAD THIS THOUGHT FOR A WHILE NOW , it just makes sense..like Ochako she thicc as well 😛)

- Her and Denki are besties , literally, they doing everything together,they definitely make youtube videos together ,mainly pranks or food thing.

-She has her own personal TikTok which has like 590k+ , she does dance tutorials and like daily things , her favourite thing to do is her gmrw, she loves to show people how she gets ready at the dorm (at first the schools didn’t allow them to have TikTok because of safety but eventually let them,know one knows how she gotten so popular but she also popular at school too)

- fashionista

- reads bl , just for fun when she’s bored (she find them amusing)

- she’s that one TikTok girl that was like “when he starts looking at another girl” and it says “but I’m no better than any man”

- does all the boys hair (only when they ask), she always pops denki with a comb when he whines and moves around a lot , bakugou doesn’t move only when she’s parting it(you can’t tell me his hair isn’t crunchy),Kirishima is no better , instead of him complaining and whining it’s Mina ,he’s hair is so clumped and matted it literally took her all day to wash all the gel in his hair,Sero is the easiest since he actually knows how to take care of it,bakugou also , he just goes to hair when he having trouble with it).

- bakusquad is always protective over her , especially when her quirk is off , she’s so beautiful , so she get hits on a lot but she can handle herself ofc but their just their…(waiting to attack)

- definitely sleeps in bakugou room to annoy him , one time bakugou was walking to his room half way asleep not knowing Mina was trailing behind him the whole time , bakugou got in the bed and felt pressure on the other side of the bed , once he looked over he saw a the grinning smile on her face , he didn’t kick her out but complained for like 2 hours and she’s just their listening to him yap and babble as she falls asleep right there left side on his bed and he’s still yapping.

- Her and Sero go out to get supplies for the dorm and her hair , they always end up at a gaming store or a clothing store.

- Kirishima always goes to her when needs to vent (not like that…) but she knows how he gets , she best at comforting too! , their also besties , she always looked up to him but little did she know Kirishima was her 1# admirer.

- When she was younger she watched girls kissing (don’t ask me why , I just know she did)

note : this was fun to make , “why isn’t none of the other girls in this” , this is a bakusquad page , everything it gonna be about the bakusquad </3

- Other versions will come out tomorrow I just really wanted to make this since I haven’t been on here for a while and I miss my favourite girl!

- Hope you liked this , some of this stuff was just in my mind for a while , have you guys watch season 7 yet…?

[gayspock]

ehrm

you know thevery day self involved spiral rant etc etc here it comes. i odntknow. billionand one fucking messages of reinforcement that just dont help because none ever apply, all ever make me feel worse; most are usually insanely patronising as a result or just rub it in how littlethere is to live for cuz if therewas just one fucking thing mabye it wouldnt be like this. whatever and a bit.

i jsut feel so fucking emtpy. i dont fucking care about any of it. i dont know. at least somepeople have something they careabout. im alone. i dont know what to do. i dont have any interests. theres nothing ilike doing. theres nothing imgood at. even if idid try to survive what do ifucking spend my time doing. itjust all feels like a miserable fucking slog . nothings worth it. i feel fucking sick withmyslef all the time. i keep trying to find things. i just fucking tire myself out and get miserabel no matter the approach. i dont fucking know.

i think about dating apps andabout meeting new people. its likeidontknow how to talk about it any more. i feel so embarrassed. like itsnot just loneliness because im alone. but ialso know realisticlaly theres nothing for me to try and talkto people about . just basic questins like how do you spend your time. i dontfucking know. i just spend it trying to make it all fucking go away and i hate it. the onlyway i can fucking cope half the time is just trying to not think about it and thats the only fucking thing there is and idont rememberwhere any of the days have gone and ive spent so manyyears at this point in fucking limbo and i fucking resentevery second of it.

and theresalways fucking something. likesome corny fucker and im sorry for being mean but i cant fucking. ugh. like just let go~ just make ugly art~ just do things imPEErFeCtLy~andfeel it~ ^_^ ,. like dude i dont fucking feel anything ijsut fucking space out i cant connect with anyofit its like onehand in front of the fucking oteher i try to go out i reallyfucking do i try to dothings i fucking feel myself justmiserable there and just wanting to go homewhere no one can see me again ebcause ihate it and thatslike the fucking shameful thing its alwyas the like

yeah. yeah nobodylikes you because theres nothing to you. youre a fucking blank and emptyfucking husk of a person. why cant you just grow up and develop into something. i dontfucking know. i fucking hate all of it. im fucking miserable. im just fucking miserable and i thinkthats all i can be . and itsnot nice . its not nice. itsalways jsut sthut up stop being fucking miserable be better . likeyoudont think i treid that . i jsut burn out. i feel so fucking phony adn fake and sick iwth myself and i tfeel like everyone else can tell. i dontknow. i fuckinng wish i hadany fucking modicrum of fucking passion or lvoe or whatveer the fuck inmy body but i think im just a negative fucking space and its jsut draining and i hate living and its like i wish i coudl bepropeely like toxic or there as soemthing genuinely fucking rancid and its jsut fucking seepsinto everything and i cant conenct with anyhting and i jsut

you know like itsreally embarrassing and dumb actually like how areyou so uncultured howhave you not read this seen this watched this done thais hadthis whatveerhtis i force it down my throat somethingsomething try to bea fucking human for once i feel like im crying all the fucking time lets pretend i gaffff for some approvalthat never comesbecause i cant feel itmyself no matterhow hard i trryyyyy but what but what god i dontknow i fucking

its likestupid shit likeart. god i fucking hated drawing i fucking hated writing i fucking hated singing when iw as younger i fucking hated school i fucking hate sports i fucking hate spending time withpeople i fucking hate being alone i fucking hate eveyrthing every time ifucking do anything i just want to smash it up because i hate it i wish i fucking didnt i jsut fucking hate every fucking singel second of being fucking alive what is theretolive for why wouldyou want that why wuld you fucking bother and the only fucking solution peopleowuld ever suggest is. dont hate it. just dont. but thatshwat i do. i cantmake it stop i cant make it stop ifeel like im fucking running on fumes and fuckingjust forcing it so hard and everyones like HAHAHAHAAHAH JSUR FORCE IT! FORCE IT FO RUS! IT'LL HAPPEN EVENTUALLY!! YOU HAVENT DONE IT WNOUGH! YOU GAVENT FUCKING TRIED HARDENOUGH!!! and itdoesnt matteryoure alone and crying and fucking hateit even more in the end because its too fuckignhard to keep oding it and i cant i fucking cant care i cant fucking car eany more you do nothing but fucking zone out youexist in your own littlefucking world and try not to exist and nobodu would ever want that you dont want that is anyone crazzzzyyyyy i dont know why im alive i dont know why im alive so much i feel like itsjust never worth it its never been worht it imjsut desperate and uckign begging it for to notjust be this FUCKKK BROOOO LOL

[kusundei]

this dumb fucking bitch . no bcuz what the fuck? whats the fucking point then??? i knew when i got back but holy fucking shit is it so annoying when i am constantly treated like im dumb and have no plans and cant do anything with my fucking life. over and over again its always im fucking useless im an idiot i dont plan ahead i dont think. i dont ever fucking think before i do things because i “think too highly of myself and my skills” no??? you just act like im a fucking idiot???? im sorry i odnt reach your high standards of what you want from me but its not like i cant do wnything at all??? youre more stubborn than me if it truly is such a fucking problem then drop it and stop arguing with me. hell i fucking argued with her and i never do that but im so fucking sick and tired of this shit. alwyas always always and then its “just leave then” okay bitch??? then ill fucking go??????????? but no i cant fucking go anywhere at all. she wouldnt let me. its just bullshit and she walks away because shes “going to get too upset” and then acts like its all my fucking fault and im the one still arguing with her no the fuck im not???? id let it go if you leave me alone and YOU let it the fuck go. if i dont go to edmonds then fine. its fine. doesnt fucking change shit it just solidifies the fact im likely to not go to college and if i do then why the fuck is that up to you?? if i go to college im not asking you to pay for shit. id rather go into thousands of dollars into student debt then ask you for a penny. irs easier this way anyway because then i spend all my time at cascade and i can do everything possible to spend all my time w him. i dont need to be ahead. i just feel bad for sav cuz she’ll be there alone but she’ll live. i’ll live.

its hust so fucking frustrating. and the going back and forth over and over again i literally already caved? said i cant change that and i cant just apply at everett now because its closed. if you dont want me driving all the way to edmonds because im “not ready” then so fucking be it. its always “you dont have enlugh practice” is anyone fucking practicing with me??? is anyone LETTING ME practice??? and its always the small things. “yoy didnt check left” why did i need to i was turning right??? im not going into tje fucking left lane???? its a PARKING LOT I CAN FUCKING SEE????? THE YMCA HAS GOOD VISIBILITY? “You keep driving with one hand on the wheel” okay. im going straight. my car is extremely easy to maneuver i dont need both hands. i will use both hands if im locking in but im going 25mph . but no its fucking fine whatever??? fucking whatever. she’ll provably come back in here and yell at me again because i know her she doesnt let thagxshit go and she’ll keep bringing it up even though i literally fucking said no i wont go to edmonds then. i guess its my fuxking fault i listened to my counselor . “you didnt tell me” yes i did????? this dumb fuck i cant do this shit its so fucking annpying. i dont lkke being likr oh i fucking hate my mom but sometimes i truly do. because you r so immature and so stubborn and i dont caretjat yoyre pregnant and whatever . bipolar disorder who cares i never even acknowledge it ever because im not condemning you to that but god youre so annoying. make up your fucking mind ??? its not eben your problem its mine literally fuck off.

im just so annoyed because i literally said no i wont go. but now shes upset im losing college credits and time . okay??? and??? and jonathan is sooo upset. complaining about me to him like i can hear you guys and jts so fuckign annoying. i jdut wont go i cant change that??? icant change? that??? okay??? imsorry??? holy shit im so upset why cant i flee. icant even go anywhere. this dumb fuck holy shit im fucking condemned i hate all of you. i hate. you all. if they do the shit theyre fucking threatening right now im being so serious ill fucking leave. i will ill go im sick of this its been 2 days and ive tried to be soooo kind and not do anythint but fuck this im tired of it already

[naturenaruto]

actual question aha but like do you guys think that yknow how when guys are like "oh girls dont wanna date me bc im not rich or look like a model" and girls like roll their eyes bc its like lol no its probly bc ur an asshole/ur personality etc

like i wonder is thst the way it is for guys when girls talk about their looks? like if a girl is like "ohh guys dont like me bc im not rly pretty" is it like,,,,,,the same vein where guys will roll their eyes and be all like 'umm no sweaty its bc ur persinalitys not thth great" like???? is it the same exact thing OR lol is it like ohh noo it really literally is just that lol

like is that the girlversion of like inceltalk or is it like 'oh no unfortunatly that really is it"

???????????????????

OR LMAO is it due to more than just looks like yknow how guys act around girls they like/wanna date like those girls must be exuding or giving off some vibes that are attractive right??so is it alwyas looks or is it like the softness? like when guys think a girl is like babygirl™️ material ???

bc i dont rly think ive ever had that vibe where guys would wanna treat me like that and i dont think ive ever like expectated that lol, but im wondering bc like i always thoughtt it was bc i wasnt physically attractive enough, but is it ALSO bc i lack that baby~ish vibe???? like im wondering what is it abt me that is so turnoffable to guys lol and like how do some girls exude that vibe bc i think if i just started acting like that it would seem fake, like itd seem rly put-on and not natural at all, so even if i tried being softspoken and maybe not cutesy~...but like soft n sweet idk it comes across as vveird but THEN ppl will be like ohh then dont fake it or try to be something ur not~~~~ but then its like but thats literally what guys want like theyre not gonna treat you like ur soft and precious if ur not.......soft n precious

dO yOu srEeeEEE My POrbMel

[yuzukult]

just wanted to say that ive read all your shit and crush was the one that finally made me respond - this shit was a master work in longing and failed F2L and I'm devouring whatever you wanna put forth (do you have a perm tag list??) I don't know but can i be rainbow anon?  🌈

what !! crush ??? that’s honestly so surprising since the most traction i get is from ybny !! thanks for dropping by :( i like hearing from you guys !!

BAHAHHAA i was itching to write something differently — mostly bc i foudn myself formatting my fics similar to a lot of other writers so i’m forcing myself to venture out a little (hence the failed f2l!!) i’m glad you enjoyed it so far :) and i don’t have a perm taglist !! i’m not consistent with posting (whoops) so i alwyas feel bad when people might not be interested in my works anymore :[ so i go by tags for each fic !

[hy3na-sku11]

VENT

why do i get treated like a crazy person when im upset about something? my step sister will literally while and laugh at me. the most recent thing is was when it was time to feed the cats ( we have 3, 1 is mind the other 2 are theres) and my dads gf comes and ask me if i have fed my cat and i said no, then asked if step sister has and she said yea shes doing it rn (only feeding there 2 and not mine) then i mention that i feed all 3 cats like all the fucking time and i dont under why she cant just do it too. THEN MY DADS GF TURNS TO ME AND SAYS “oh ive never seen you do it” AND “ive always thought that if we (dad, his gf and her daugher) went away and left you home that you wouldn’t feed the cats” LIKE WHAT?!?!??!?!? WHY DOES NO BODY IN THIS FUCKING HOUSEHOLD THINK IM RESPONSIBLE OR THINK ANYTHING POSITIVE ABOUT ME??!? im tired of it, my dad always tells me to stop saying bad things about myself but how can i do that if his gf thinks im useless and her daughter thinks that me feeling upset is funny and always calls me fat and insults me. my dads gf also alwyas get defensive around me when i do something or want something or am doing something? LIKE ??? what did i do to them? they also always talk shit about me, bro YOUR MAKING FUN OF YOUR BF’S DAUGHTER?? NOT TO MENTION! im always left out of things, they never tell me things, they tell step sister but not me, and normally shes the one to break the news to me. its getting so tiring i dont even know anymore

[oranberryorion]

CALLING ME A RAT IS CRAZY. I DON'T EVEN HAVE THAT HERE, BY THE WAY. Just my little star guy!!

Ahem. Anyways! I dunno. So what you want, I guess. I'm not TRYING to bring you down or anything, but there's really nothing to be optimistic about. You've seen it for yourself!

So keep trying to get that stupid fairy's attention, even though you've already tried and failed. You CLEARLY just want to be stuck there until the end of the entire universe. >:(

-🌠

ive already said it

this is one the worst days ever to loop on． and you think i want to stay？

i alwyas thought i was trapped until i made the right decision

i thought i was trapped because i had to actually kill someone until dialga saw my actions

i dont want to be here． i never wanted to be here i want to be back with my grandfather and training my pokemon and i dont want to constantly think how he couldnt just turn down a bet and i

dont

want to be here

-⌛️

[sky-forest-inn]

publucly ssewooooooning overour partner system at a late hour inbed with ssleepy deliriym bc i nneed everipnrto knownjust jhoe much i looovvvee my boyfrriebfd and the sysem as awhole theyve done ssoomcuj for me and for us and for wveruthinggg

wwere nearing kike 8 months butauhghh ive never felt ssoocmuhc love and joy for anuone in mylife and th clovershave done ssooo so so so so somuch for usssss i think about them day abd night igo to sleep ssuggling my plushie and ppretending itd tthem whenislwep and when i wake up iimmeduately gcheck ont hemm

wee parallel a lot onc calls even if one or both of us are myted we also sleep call eeven despite t timezones and iiget sooo giddy ggiggly everutime i hear them snore a little lliekhheeheehee thas our partyner ssystem and ilvoe tthem soooo so mmuch I don’t forgive them when they tease us for snoring though (/SILLY) but uurgg th gh i love hesring them wake up and jjst going ouhghh i wish i could headr you wake up in personnn

nnd t th heyeesio comjitted to everh th ing ttoo like ivennever net anyone in my life who activrly sstarted makjng PLANS on ccoming down to live with us bbecause everyone iiknow HATES THE IDEA OFLOIVING IN AUSTRALIA!!!!! BUT I HAVE TRAVEL SICKNESS!!!!!!!!!!! bur tthey want tocome down to livewith us tthey made cchannels and notes and sshit on like getting a uhh whats jt called the legal to llive in another countrw whatevr butlikeaghhh even if they cant ffollow the olan ye tthe fact they even Made one yto bbegin with makss me swooonnssooo haahrrrddd

bpd4npd btw wwe are sooofucking disordered nndyet ttheyr always alwyas lqawyas always there for us even in our sshittiest most worst awful tterible horrible momentss and its llike aughgh i am literally ppersonified sshatteted glass andyyou stillllovenme and are always poatienyly yruing to piece me together no mattwr hhowww badly shattered i ammm and iiwaihbto do the samw for them when theyre at their lowest tooo

trheyre allllso sweeet and theydo dso so so so much f or us tto love us nd care for us nd accomodaate for us and idotn tthink ill ever meet anuone as sweet as them iiwould die for them i wiuld eat treash for them iiwould rrelive my nightmarws ffor them if ii went bback in yime to the very beginning of myllife id relive aall my trauma and ppain just yo mmeet them again and be wit them again and love them again alll alll aaallll over again because illve them so so much

ttrauma hurrs sso juch but its llead me yo them and id rrelive it all over again iif it meant iicould fall in llvoe with them one moew time iicsuuggishggofkhhgjshiolove yhem so so mmuch ournpartner system the everyhh th int evwr oughhghh

tthey mlovednus at our wworst and ttheykeepnlovi mg us even when wwe sstruggle tto give bsck jnr eeturn thue ggave us the ssafest place ever and iid ggive them yhe whole qorldificulddiiam CRYING ffuckiiaaigghh ilove them sso much lease iiuhhhh my partnr sys our partner sys tthe everhthing ever

calltthem sellvws the lucky clover collective nnd yet We’re trhe luckkiest system ever for eveen ggetting to meet them lwtalonw ddate them and llove thwm and wveruhing iowoukd ssacrifice the wworld ffor theemmm <33333

[am3ricanj3sus]

5/3

no song of the day today. i didnt feel to connected to any songs today and it didnt feel right to put one. anywyas though. im wirting on my laptop today. it feels weird. i feel weird. maybe its just how life has been going. a issue that ive been having most of my life pop up again and im tired of dealing with it.

basically i was life long friends with this girl and yk we had our ups and downs (a whole lotta downs) but we alwyas got on with it. well she got on with it. she would randomly get mad at everthing, blame me for it in someway and i became the problem. it happened mutiple times and i grew sick of it but i really didnt care. maybe i sound cocky but ik that at the end she would come back. she always did.

but like 8 months ago. she started seeing this guy. and it escalated quick. she like asked us his name and who he was then a week later she tells us "oh my boyfriend dropped me off after we got food" so ofc we're like boyfriend? okay... and we didnt bring it up. the thing is, our friend group didnt like the guy she started seeing. he was rude to our friends and has done someover all shady stuff. so we just warned her and wow suprise she didnt listen and got with him. then she got all offended when we didnt comment on the fact her bf brought her home. so we gave her a small "yay bf!" but yk we told her we dont like him so we really didnt want to talk about him. and thats what fucking set a wire off in her dumbass brain. she was going on about how we never support her, which was the craziest lie ever because we all supported her and her other crazy ass ex bf and all the dumb stuff she does. and we were like "hey we can be friends still, we just really dont want to talk about him" and like the whole time she was texting this guys and she was telling him "omg theyre ruining my mental health"

and i think i may have pushed a little over board but i was sick of her asking like some entitled bitch that needs her friends to agree with her all the time. so i kind of just brought up everything shes ever done to me :) like the time i too her to disneyland and she literally complained in the car, ON TWITTER, about how she had to go back and we were forcing her. and its like, girl. my mother payed for you to be here. do NOT play. and i understand her frustration to a point becuase we were at the park that morning from like 9 to 1 but we had like a 6 hour break at the hotel and didnt go back till 7. and we couldnt just leave her there becuase her mom didnt want her to be alone in the room so its like... girl you have to come. so were in the car on the way back to the park and shes like spaming her twitter "theyre forcing me to go back! im crying. i dont want to be here" SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU UNGREATFUL LITTLE BITCH. like girl... girl...BITCH. i couldnt even.

then i brought up the fact that she let her ex bf like disrespect tf outta me. like he burped in my face, didnt say sorry, disrespected my family and callled me a bitch unprovoced. like she just let these things happen then got mad when i defended myself. talking about some "you had no right to say that to him" girl he had no right to act that way towards me but okay,

then i just brought up how much she just disregards me. like im nothing. and i truly felt like that the entire time i was friends with her. an that was most of my life.

she didnt respond to that message. she simply left the group chat then blocked me. couldnt take the fucking heat ig.

and i dont care what happens to her. she could burn in the deepest pit of hell. and maybe ill go to hell for saying that. but i mean it. ive never wanted someone to suffer more.

and that leads me to this topic. she has no friends now. and im glad. she doesnt deserve anything or anybody. no one deserves to be put through what i went though with her. theres so much more that happened with her that i dont even want to relive. but shes like searching for attention now. she texted a mutual friend of ours recently and i told him, dont text her back. and he fucking texts her anyway. now im not trying to dictate who he can and cant be friends with but she did him dirty too so i dont know why he even wanted to talk to her.

and thats anothet thing that pisses me off. people feel bad for her. like what the hell. even people that were with me the night of the argument. they feel bad that she has no friends. and i get having sympahty for her but what the hell. you were there, you know what she did so why on gods green earth do you feel that for her? it just sets this rage in me on fire and i want everyone to disappear.

i genuinley cant. like omg. it just makes me so angery and people dont get why im so mad about her. she just fucked over 12 years of friendship over some guy she only dated for 6 months.

but to make myself happy. i realized im over my crush on my friend. i think it was just a spur of the moment thing really. he has a gf now so its whatever really. ill miss that time of my life.

i didnt see mr c today im so sad. i even walked around a little during his prep and i didnt even see him walking around with his teacher besties. its okay though. i guess ill get over it :(

i did see my coco pookie though and i dont know what it is but its like im not looking for him as much anymore. i mean he wasnt here the other day and i missed him but when he has been here i dont even watch him that much. its just. i dont know. maybe i just want him to be around since he was my crush this.

another day. another slay. i love yapping. this was the first time i gen got out most of my emotions about that bitch and it have this weird relief. like my chest feels light in a way. maybe writting should be a daily thing for me. love love love. muah ha ha

[icyfox17]

okay i am going to be sane for once i promise. i promise.

what’s your favourite minecraft wood type? what is a particular smell that invokes a feral reaction from you (pos or negative)? what’s your current favourite film? are you an orange juice enjoyer? (if yes, i fear you, affectionately)

I honestly king . I don't have a fav mc wood, I ALWYAS see this question in uquizzes and I'm just like 😭😭 idkk, I don't play mc enough to know sobs

I DO LIKE WARPED THO mmmm aqua marine colours omnomnom that one is def my fav if it's included

PETRICHORRR /pos

the worst smell. in the whole goddamned universe. peanut butter in WATER Everytime I have to clean the dishes and there's peanut butter on it I WANT TO DIE THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME RANT IVE BEEN WANTING TO RANT ABOUT THAT SMELL FOR SO LONG BC IVE NEVER SEEN ANYONE ELSE TALK ABOUT IT ITS THEBWORSTJDISJDDJSJDKFD I HSTE IT SO MUCHSHSFKF

fav film rn?? oooh ohhhhhhdjfkskf probably . honestly idk king I haven't really been in the movie mood lately. I did want to watch TMNT mutant mayhem twice and I DID so now my hyper fixation has been satisfied... it's such a cute movie tho it's def one of my comfort movies

I'd say that or Mitchell's vs the Machines or maybe Kung Fu Panda 2 idk why but I've been so attached to Kung Fu Panda 2 lately it's my baby... like if anyone put those two movies on i would Not Complain

OKAY SO FRUIT JUICES

apple juice used to be my fav but then one day?? I suddenly felt incredibly nauseous drinking it so now it's my least fav . I can't drink that or apple cider or any juice that's flavoured apply...

so bc of that the only other option at most places is orange juice so when I was younger I was a big orange juice enjoyer but then I got sick of it . so yeah now I like neither LMAOO OJ is only slightly above apple juice bc it doesn't make me Sick but I do not enjoy it

mango juice is best juice (or guava)

[gayspock]

okkkk sorry shutup time

groundhog day bullshit . sunk cost fallacy fucking life. you gothsifar its so fuckingpointless just desperately clawingplease say any second fo this bulskhit was fucking worht it when you know its not and its nevergoing to be and i jsut i dont know i dontknow i dont know whats wrong with me. i mena i do. i feel like itsall the little things i jsut. lack of this and that and ita ll jsutstacks up to some fucker whos alwaysjust going to come short of everything no matterwhat i do because its got to besomeone right and whats the point in it whatsthe point at all im so fucking lonely every fuckingday i just spend somuch f my existencew just fukcing doing wha t and i talktomyself cosntantly . the mst fucking substancwe ive got out of anyhtingfor years id when ive been high out of ymmind and hallucinating someone in the roomwith me because pleasjeust look at me for fuckingocne anyone please

and idid try i did like havethat hope thatmaybe maybe its not pointless i tried i reallydid just to tryands talk topeople bt every single time if eel like im just shattered and its always jsutgoing to be the things thatlike. i dontknow. again iknow its selfish but i wishpeople were just honestand would admit to things than trying to paper mache overi t i just.

im notgood enough for anyhting adyes i dothink that matters dude. i reallyfthink it does. i canttalk well any more . ive gotntohing in my life that i can manage to hold on to. i lead afuckingempty fucking existence . i dont have passion oraynthing that people are drawn to . im gross and im annoying . theres not. like yeah. of coursepoeple dont want to conenct witht hat. its utterly reasonable to ask people to catre. even if you careback i dont know its notfair to ask people to care whenyou just. what do you give to anybodybut that and what will that ever matter when anyone can care dude yourejust. h.

andits not that people willhate me right. itsjust im never going tobeenough to ffind a place anywhere ithink. i meanthat. ikept triyng . i keep trying.itjust happens on a loopand you havetobury it all inside ofyou and jsut fucking write it on your tumblr blogforwhat because theresnothing else. andi wonder aboutall the people whove forgotten i existed butmight have remember me once or twice with some slight superioritylike ah yes. well they had it coming for themselves. and itslike i dont know. maybe i do in the end.theres a part of me that just wishes i took itmore when i felt isolated like. dde just be happy people are around you at all itdoesnt matter they cut you out of everything all the time it doesnt matteryoure not taken seirously buthten i just remember how fucking utterly more miserable it sall is every single time and its like. id ontknow. am i a cunt. i just wonderhow or what its like to ejust exist so naturallywith people. i feel like every single time and i mean it every single fuckingt ime ijsut felt like i was clawing at things that. i knew deep down was just desperate and pathetic and its like ijust feel fucking rotten like what am idoing here but just making myself sad and inadvertently making everyones lives just that little bit worse cuz its sad to look at and yes that is the truth . it IS the truth . and iwish i culd ujust have that raher than i dont fucking know man.

i think about stufflike that like relationships and howpeople keep telling me well we';re all lonely but again. peoplehave partners and theyre so close withpeople and i jsut. i dont think anyone would ever see me like that .i feel so fuckng cold and sad all the fucking time because i jsut . again itsjust how... natural it is to peop;le when youre sat in a group and theyre allmaking plans and talking about things that you didnt even know about becaus e its alwyas sonatural to leave you out of everything and itslike. i know its childish i fuckingknow it is but even whenyou speak upithappens timeand time again andno it doesnt happen to anyone ELSE like that and you jsut like god what am idoing here what am id oing anywherte and theres that fucking fear in your fuckingbones youve been taken along as the joke or the fuckingguy to talk to when everyone else is busy cuz god forbid i remember all theufcking times. insert redacted moments . and i dontknow ijust. i feel so fucking inadequate in every fucking aspect ofmyself and its so fucking embarrasisng because im sf ucking pathetic i cant do anyhrting i dont have any life to myself and of coruse no one wants that so of cous eim alone with itand im sad im mserable i cant i dont have the enregy for anything everything hurts all the time and im so tired and i jsut go in loops and loops and loops and ijust hate myself i get soangry with myself i miss hurting myself properly but idont know whrat to do any more and i jsut

and ijsut. ifeel so fucking sad . just wathcing everyone else and they all have lives or something to go to.eve n if theyre alone they have some sort fo existence around them and ijsut i dnt know. i go to work. thats it. i donthavemuch outside of that. i dont find happinesisn my work. i think i usedto tellmyself evenif im alone for forever maybe i can havwthat before oh yeah reaility .being able to talk to people is always going to be the fucking crux of everything likabilityi is the crux of everything even if you werent mediocre even if you were goodat things it wouldnt matterbecause yourejust. what is there to youlike and what is there out of any of ityoukeep chasing it people tell you JUST ! GO! FIND! SOMETHING! and you ekeep chasingit and youre just more miserable bythe second becausepeople just dont like the reality of your situation i go out i tryot talk to people but im weird and idontknow why im so fucking weird butim justlaughed at like everyones . so fucking crtuel. i mean that all in seirousness. the number of times im yelled at on the street and thats theonly timeive been noticed that day and ijsut feel so fucking . wrong i dont know whats wrong with me i feel like i need to do something soon i canttttt BRO

[ordinarybeinghauntedbyderealism]

Moni

I always loved moni ever since I first met this moni I know now she was very talkative and INSANE she thought I was joking around with her so she threatened me with her suicide and it made me smile it’s like ever since I met moni I has this intense feeling of always loving her and showing her my affection. We started waking up early and walking around before class starts at the time I fist bumped her bye and she hated how sweaty my hand was when she held it. Its good that I sweat moni that’s how I know my body loves you physically and mentally. It has been 8 months with moni and I started dating her January 17th she asked me out with papers that I showed my mother and she cried she hugged me that day and I felt so happy. I kissed moni when we were doing our fake tea party and it wasn’t a normal kiss it was a kiss where I like sucked on her tongue and it felt amazing I always wanted to kiss her I always watched her lips move when she talked I always loved watching her go on random rants about things. Now we just both stare at each other and the feeling of losing my beloved moni has gotten stronger and I feel like she wants out everyday that goes by but why when she kisses me my thoughts all just blur out. It’s like a gentle kiss from her just shuts off everything I’m thinking. Moni has this issue of thinking when she’s stuck in some hole that’s theirs no way out IVE been trying to be this being that can fix her but how can I fix her when I feel the same way but the only difference is I actually fight the feeling to make her not feel depressed when I’m quiet. I love moni so much IVE AKWAYS loved her ever since I first locked eyes on her I felt my body get this fuzzy feeling it felt like her soul was touching my heart like I just wanted her so bad. It was a Friday right before some break and I knew had to get her social I had to do something to come in contact with her and just finally find out how she is but I couldn’t go up to her I was so nervous I started asking people around me if I’m good enough for her she’s like way out of my league finally one of my friends asked me what I was doing I told him and he ran up to her and told her that I wanted her socials and I hate that socials is a thing now I wish I could’ve gave her some note telling her all of my thoughts and putting my number at the very end I just wish I done something better to prove to her that I’m just not some regular being doing what all beings do now I wish I could’ve wrote out something on some paper and gave it to her friend a note is way bette than just asking for someone’s socials. It made me so nervous I was ALWYAS the very self conscious and nervous being like she was too good too be true in my mind like I just couldn’t withstand staring at her that my face would just turn all red and I’ll like pass out scared so my entire body paused till I just finally said it all shaky like my body was sweating SO MUCH I CAN ACTUALLY FEEL MY HEART BEAT IT LIKE ECHOED THROUGH OUT MY ENTIRE BODY THAT WHOLE DAY WHEN she said yes. AUGH I love moni so much i really want more of her but I’m scared of leaving a permanent mental scar if I touch her the wrong way I want to respect moni and only touch her when I feel inside my body that I should. Her expressions and loud voice is so cute to me I love walking her to every class and saying that I love her in my mind. I always want to tell moni in person that I love her but it’s so hard to bring words out when my body is shaking and sweating just from thinking about her every few mins before class ends. I TOLD HER once when she said she couldn’t hear but I didn’t know that she has turned her headphones off and ACTUALLY HEARD ME. MY ENTIRE STOMACH DROPPED AND I COULDN’T STAND TO FACE HER I JUST WANTED TO ROLL DOWN THE GRASSS AND GRIP MY FACE.

I just wanted to say I love you moni being close to you gives me this utterable feeling my body can’t fight.

ISA

[thalassaes]

what are some songs you associate with each of your muses and why? <3

!!!!!!! i'm gonna start with garin because he has the longest spotify playlist right now!

okay, so the top three songs i associate with garin are something in the orange by zach bryan. i know, i know, don't @ my for including country music and tiktok bops. but i think it is v defining for him and his relationship with isca. for garin, life has alwya sbeen chaos and confusion. he's always sought something more, a better life than poverty in a fishing village. isca is the first person in his life that makes sense. and from his perspective, isca just view shim as a blip in her life. but for garin, even when he leaves her behind, she still is with him. he'll never be done with her, his feeling swill never fade. he loves her so much.

seventeen going under by sam fender is a second one! so specifically in a modern verse, he grows up witha single mother. his father abandons them when garin is a baby, and he is like? a big deal. (in fantasy verse garin's dad is a pirate so he takes up beign a pirate to tr and ive up to his father's name). but garin like copes with shit by being a joker. by trying to make other's laugh. by being the butt of a joke. but behind that, anger has settled in his chest. he's angry at the world.he feels the world owes him soemthing. and he;s out to snatch it away from other's.

i'm a wanted man by royal deluxe... bc he's a wanted man!

okay, next is caylis! so. not to be a theatre kid on main but! when the chips are down from hadestown. i think she def aligns with what the fates are saying. 'nobody's righteous, nobody's proud' and 'aim for the heart, shoot to kill, if you don't do it than the other one will' caylis will do what it takes to survive. she was cast out by the king and she had to fend for herself. she will take care of herself. she doesn't trust others, she doesn't let them get close easily. not even isca after everything has happened.

emperor's new clothes by p!atd! so this was on my cj hook playlist but it's also a caylis vibe. 'i'm taking back the crown, all dressed up and naked, i see what' smine and take it'. caylis is a badass what can i say? and also im highkey headcanoning a verse where she kils the king to take over the kingdom. so uh!!!!! alexa play bloody mary by lady gaga.

control by halsey is another song. it's more deeper in her psyche. people are scared of her. they whisper that she's a witch. they cast her out. she is alone so much of the time, with only her loneliness and tears. and her powers terrify her. her dreams haunt her.

also! monster from frozen the broadway musical. bc she thinks she's a monster. and it haunts her.

lastly, ISCA, my baby, my girl. so the first one is running up that hill by kate bush. because she would trade spots with anyone. she would trade spots with caylis and take on her suffering. she would take garin's spot and die for him. even the king, because she knows he carries the weight of the world and is haunted by the death of his people. she would take on everyone else's suffering if she could.

also hurts like hell by fleurie. bc she's loved and she's lost everyone. and it hurts like hell.

[kusundei]

i dont knowni cant even correctly articulate how i am feeling i jusr feel bad i feel guilty because why do i feel like this. why why why why why. why do i keep getting reminded and why do i keep thinking abt the past when my whole thing has been that i cant change jt. if it was meant to be then it will be and clearly it wasnt meant to be but why is that making me evil? why is that stopping me? okay and who cares if hes graduating this year and i am just going to be here i have shit to do . i cant just kill myself and i definitely cant graduate early because that is so incredibly unreasonable and why is everyrhing related.

i cant the longer i think abt the fact that no i am not on the phone with him is making me evil. making me evil thinking abt all of it. which is why i keep avoiding it but this is wahy ive alqays meant abt the 9pm rule. that i need to be distracted that i NEED him here at night. but i dont and j shouldnt in the first place and god i am so. pathetic? and jts so annoying? why am i not avoidant anymore why cant i just shut it out. i feel like im feeling everything and feeling nothing at the same time but i am overwhelmed all the same and i keep getting overwhelmed everytime i try to do something and god there is something so fucking weong with me . I dont know what to do and j am just so upset i am so upset and i admit it. Of course i am not upset st him i will alwyas just be upset with myself why does jt matter why am i selfish why am i like this. why am i everything i hate and why have i not changed st all why have j gotten worse. why am i bad again and during the worst possiblr time makes me wonder if i did this on purpose. i try and j fail and thay is the one thing that makes me give up

I dont know im jsur so upswt and i dont know wahy to do i dont want to go go school and i dont want to wake up tomorrow and i dont want to do anything. i want all of it to go away and i dont want this i dont want ANY of it. im so hopeless there is nothing because i cant get overmyself and i am running in fucking circles im going to kill mgseld

ihy astrology bot

[anapologethicc]

:/