#this is SO ugly i wanted to trash it and start over but i've already taken sooo long to finish this scene

[moralesmilesanhour]

I saw your requests were open! I've seen in some concept art that Miles is trying out watercolor, can you (when you have the time and if you want to, ofc) please write a reader (Gn or fem) who is really good at watercolor and is a artist and teaches him? Either romantic or platonic work :D thank you, I love your work so much!!!

omg wait I used to do watercolor I still have the paints at home...hold my beer (I went with platonic)

Miles sucked his teeth as the pinks, blues, and green he had just put down ran together and formed a puddle in the middle of the paper.

No matter how many YouTube videos he sped through, he couldn't seem to grasp how the disembodied hand on his screen could lay down all that color (without the paper shriveling up like a raisin) and manage to sculpt it into something...comprehensible.

Just then, he remembered the scanned painting you had sent him the other day. It was a vibrant forest, dotted with bright neon flowers and birds dozing off in high branches. He couldn't for the life of him figure out how you managed to capture beams of sunlight in your heavy sketchbook and needed to learn your secrets, so he'd borrowed some leftover paints.

Miles had already mastered sketching, and knew his way around a box of markers. He could even command a messy can of spray paint. What's a bit of watery paint?

...A lot, it turns out. At any rate, he knew just who to call.

After a few beeps, your face appeared onscreen.

You were still in bed, surrounded by an army of stuffed animals with a sleeping mask pushed up to your forehead. Miles made a 'tsk' sound. It was two o'clock in the afternoon.

"Rise and shine, bestie!" he announced loudly into his phone speaker.

"What do you want?" you grumbled, rubbing your eyes.

"This watercolor shit is blowing my mind right now, and I need your expertise. Look!"

Miles flipped the camera to show you the blob of what was now a bright indigo pooled in the middle of his would-be masterpiece.

You squinted. "Jesus. Is that in your regular sketchbook, where you do the markers and shit?"

"Yup."

"Well, there's your first problem. You're using the wrong kinda paper."

"So that's why no one in those videos fucks it up? Noted,"

He reversed the camera again.

"What about the colors? Mine keep running together when I don't want 'em to."

This made you laugh, imagining Miles slapping a ton of different colors on top of a sketch like a child learning to paint in kindergarten for the first time, thinking that he knew what he was doing. He was never the patient type, preferring fast and loose marks with sharp edges. No piece of his was ever allowed an "ugly stage"; it either worked immediately or it would end up crumpled into a ball in the trash.

Oh boy, was he was gonna learn today.

You could see Miles pouting through the camera.

"What's so funny?"

"Miles," you snorted, "did you let the first layer dry before adding more colors?"

His eyes widened in realization, triggering more peals of laughter.

"I just wet the whole page, then started coloring! How was I supposed to know?"

"It's water, dumbass! It's not like your lil' Copic markers--"

"Prismacolor--"

"Whatever. Anyways, gimme fifteen minutes, I'm coming over to save you before you flood your entire room."

[saminator]

the joys of being a masculine trans man

Today, sometime around 9:30 pm, I had an epiphany. Maybe I finally found the joy of being trans. I'd always heard people say it, but I thought it was bullshit. Until today, being trans had caused me nothing but misery and fury. If you asked me anytime before today, April 3rd, 2024, at 9:30 pm pst, whether or not I liked being trans, it would have been a hard no.

I have prom coming up. I'm going to the prom at the school I would have gone to if I'd stayed in my middle school's town. I know a lot of people there, and three of the people at that school are the only hope I used to have when I was 14 and 15, still figuring myself and the world out. Don't get me wrong, I still am, but I was so unhappy back then, and they offered me unlimited comfort. Anyway! I'm going to prom with them and I was kind of excited about it. I'd been having a hard time getting myself to be excited about anything lately. I told my parents I needed a suit for prom and they asked if I could wear something I already had. I said no. All I have are two blazers from the women's section that I got in 2021, one red and one gray, which are incredibly comfortable and nice but they were from a time when I wasn't allowed to shop in the men's or boy's section, and another 3-piece suit which is a bit too large for me that my ex-girlfriend (who's trans) gave to me because I would enjoy it far more than she ever did. I'd also borrowed a blazer from a friend, and again, while it was wonderful, it was also from the women's section. I wanted something new, something that I picked, something that fit me and made me feel okay. So, we started looking for one.

My dad and I went to the mall two days ago to try and look for a suit, but they were either really expensive, or just not my size. Then, my mom told me to look for it online and have my dad pick it up on the way back home from work. I did that. I ordered a gray blazer and dark blue dress pants from the boy's section. My dad got them home. I tried them on. I loved it more than I had ever loved any piece of clothing before. My dad was so encouraging about making sure I looked good and he kept suggesting different variations I could try of the outfit. After a whole hour of trying on different shirts under the blazer and showing my mom and having her feedback on it, I went to go change. Then my dad called me, saying "don't change! wear your blazer!" and asked me to move the trash bins into our backyard because it's extremely windy and they were being knocked over (also because HOA hates when trash bins are left out apparently). So I went to do that.

And I was walking down the driveway with the wind blowing in my hair, I thought Wait. Is this what they mean by the "joy of being trans?" Earlier, I couldn't stop staring at myself in the mirror because I looked so fucking handsome it was UNBELIEVABLE. My smile didn't feel ugly, my hair didn't feel shabby, my entire body didn't feel like a mistake. And now, in the wind, dragging the landfill bin behind me, I felt happy with being trans.

I don't care if others don't see me as a man. The mirror sees me as a man. That's all that matters. The sheer happiness I felt wearing a suit that wasn't someone else's or from the women's section or too big or not mine was crazy, Suddenly, my short height, my high-pitched voice that no matter how deep I try to make it still gets me misgendered, and my un-muscular body didn't matter. I WAS IN A FUCKING SUIT THAT I LIKED THAT FIT ME THAT WAS FROM THE BOYS SECTION THAT MY PARENTS ALSO LIKED THAT KEPT ME WARM IN THE WIND. I was smiling like a maniac on the way to the backyard.

I'm sure this experience doesn't just happen to masculine trans men. Maybe you're a cis man reading this and you're short, have a high-pitched voice, and aren't jacked up. I see you, and I know how isolating it can feel to be the way you are, no matter how hard you try. I've tried working out to get muscles. I can't gain weight easily. I'm literally 5'1'' and 90 pounds. I hate it. But who cares! I have a suit that's sexier than sex!

I love being masculine. That's something you won't hear people say often because masculinity is demonized because it was always weaponized in the past (and still is). But I'm not all of those men. I'm my own man and I choose to love and embrace masculinity. What is masculinity anyway???? Is it suits? Is it being built? Is it having a deep voice? Is it having a beard? Is it being tall? Is it doing taxing manual labor? No! It's none of those things objectively, not even the suits. I've said this before and I'll continue saying it, if wearing dresses or skirts or doing makeup makes you feel masculine or is your definition of masculinity, hell yeah! Go for it! To me, masculinity is home. It's looking at myself and smiling because I look good. It's wearing a suit and feeling warm and cozy and ready to do anything. It's having a better relationship with my parents because we're all trying our best. It's being daring and taking risks just because I want to. Femininity couldn't give me any of this.

Especially in a time like now, where no trans space is safe from discussions of the happenings of the world, the world where people want to erase us because they think we're a threat. The fact that people are afraid of us is astonishing. But we persevere, we wear our suits or dresses or overalls or corsets or fishnets or khakis or hoodies and we pursue happiness because it's comforting to think that it exists for us. And it does. If someone like me could find euphoria in being trans, anyone can.

But yeah, in conclusion, the joy of being a masculine trans man is trying on your prom suit with the wind blowing 18 miles per hour in your hair and feeling alive and manly masculine male >:)

[thessalian]

Thess vs Horizon: Forbidden West Prologue

So a few notes from various bits of prologue. I'm not in the eponymous Forbidden West yet, mostly because one of the things I'm finding is that the low-level anxiety of jumping puzzle hits a little different with the fibro. I get tense, and lemme tell you, I feel it these days. So this is going to be a long, long game. But here are the notes from the Horizon: Forbidden West prologue ... more or less spoiler-free.

Ah, stealth kills, I have missed you. And I've very, very nearly hit the first achievement for those already. Not to mention the "knocking components off" achievement. Not there yet, but ... getting there.

In checking whether I'd actually reached any achivements yet, I note that various friends have got a lot farther than me in this game. Fucking fibro.

See ... this whole deal where it guides you on what actions you need to take to climb or grapple or whatever could be seen as annoying? But I honest-to-gods need a reminder if I'm taking it this slow. So it is annoying but it's also really helpful, so thanks for that.

Some of the new designs on these beasties are lit. Still hate being forced into armed confrontation with these things. Just let me hide and shoot them from the next post code over, damnit!

What's this thing? Can I scavenge it? ...Oh. I was supposed to kill Big Beastie with this. Sorry; I prefer precision. kthxbai.

...Well, if that isn't commentary on tech 'geniuses' and their bullshit, and on corporate greed. Also, it's actually a real shame that so many of the effective antagonists of both games have been dead for so very, very long, because they are all so very, very punchable and apparently they haven't worked out hard light hologram technology so I can't literally punch that smirking shithead in the face.

Aloy, you were raised agnostic and found proof of atheism. Varl has not. Chill the fuck out. You're equipped to see things as they are; your people view everything through a religious filter. So long as they're not exiling people or some shit, why do you care if they worship an AI construct?

Aaaaaaaaaaand we're back to Meridian. Cool. Wait, what the fuck now?

So ... why didn't we double-check the Spire before we went heading off on wild goose chases?

SYLENS YOU DICKWAFFLE. (Sorry, Lance Reddick; you gave really, really good dickwaffle.)

Not sure what to make of this "workbench" mechanic. It'll probably be better when I can fast travel to places.

Please, please tell me I can dump some of the vendor trash while I'm in what passes for civilisation in Horizon-world. Please? I have been so good.

Somebody want to please explain to me why those neckbeard arseholes think Aloy's ugly? Okay, sometimes they do not get her best angle in cutscenes, but mostly she's, like ... a realistically beautiful woman. Ah, right - it's the realistically part they object to. They want doe-eyed skinny waifu. Well, they can get stuffed, because I'm already struggling with how she manages to get the less dreadlocked bits of her hair moving like a shampoo commercial when she has no shampoo. Plus, those neckbeards are not exactly looking at the cover of GQ themselves, y'know?

I'm kind of interested in how they've set up this prologue. Both HZD and HFW start us with where Aloy has been and what she's done, but I guess you can't really turn "killed an invasion of war machines" into an easy prologue the way you can "finding a focus and training for Big Event". Plus, the whole thing makes me wonder exactly how many friendly faces from home we're going to have as companions. I mean, I know two - hell, even if I hadn't seen both in trailers, one I've already had as a companion, and when you get that many Oseram scattered around the place, you know who's going to show up in Horizon-world eventually.

No, seriously, let me offload vendor trash I HAVE BEEN SO GOOD.

So I stopped in and around Meridian before having to tell everybody, "Hey, I'm going to the place named in the title of this game because that guy you told me to look for is a dickwaffle but he could conceivably be a helpful dickwaffle if I help him with the problem he willingly dove into head-first by ... well, being a dickwaffle". I am at least supposed to be finding a workbench and hopefully someone I can throw vendor trash at, but I more or less stopped there because I do have some shit to do today. Not much shit right away - I mean, I do have D&D later this evening and we're still running a little earlier than usual because of Daylight Savings being weird this year, but that's still way later - but some shit. Specifically I need to go out for ground cardamom. Look, I need it to make apple pie spice, and all of my cardamom is in pods. Kind of wish that the recipes for apple pie spice I have looked up specified what colour cardamom needs grinding. I guess I'll just hope I get it right. I need this because I'm baking apple bread. I got buttermilk and everything! Also I want to make more apple turnovers and the homemade filling with only cinnamon ... well, it needs something. Maybe apple pie spice instead of just cinnamon is that something. Anyway, also means I need apples. So that means a shopping trip. So I guess I'd best prep for that.

And then home and more video games. Not sure if I'm going to do my shopping / crafting in HFW or if I'm going to go back to the Shadow-Cursed Lands in BG3 so that I can earn a whole lot of easy approval with Astarion and Lae'zel by making big lumpy bag of poison explode. I'll think about it as I do errands, I guess.

[kdramacrybaby]

Castaway Diva (2023)

Genre: Romance, Comedy, Life

Synopsis: Seo Mok-ha has always dreamed of singing with her biggest idol, Yoon Ran-joo - a dream that would let her escape her current life. She meets Jung ki-ho, who at first is reluctant to help her, but then slowly starts to believe in her dreams too. They also realize they have more in common than first thought, and makes a promise that when things get bad, they'll run away together. Their big escape fails, however, and Mok-ha finds herself on a deserted island - where she ends up living by herself for the next fifteen years. Finally, she's found by a group of people going around cleaning up trash from the islands in the area, and she's taken back to civilization. The two brothers who found her - Kang Woo-hak and Kang Bo-geol - helps her navigate this whole new world. And even after all this time, Mok-ha has never given up her dream. And she needs to find out what happened to Ki-ho too.

Episode info: 12 episodes / Runtime around 80 minutes

Lead cast: Park Eun-bin (Seo Mok-ha), Lee Re (young Mok-ha), Moon Woo-jin (young Ki-ho), Kim Hyo-jin (Yoon Ran-joo), Cha Hak-yeon (Kang Woo-hak), Chae Jong-hyeop (Kang Bo-geol), Seo Jeong-yeon (Song Ha-jeong), Lee Joong-ok (Kang Sang-du), Lee Seung-joon (Jung Bong-wan).

Link to watch: You can watch on Netflix and Dramacool

Drama rec masterlist | Drama rant thread (beware of spoilers)

I don't know what it is about this drama, but something about it just hit me so hard. I cannot count how many times I cried watching this - and not big ugly crying, just tears streaming down my face, from happiness, sadness, hopefulness, hopelessness. Just so many feelings.

It doesn't feel like a drama that would be this emotional from just looking at it, but damn, they really go for the gut punches.

It's about family - both the one you can't choose, and the one you make for yourself. The friends you make along the way - the real ones and the ones you later learn were never on your side. It's about reaching for your dreams, no matter how long the road may be, and to enjoy the journey while you're doing it. It's never too late to do that one thing you've always dreamed of, if you work hard enough, you will succeed - maybe not in the way you first imagined, but in the way that needed to happen.

Go through life with kindness, give people the benefit of the doubt, but at the same time not allowing people to walk all over you. You can stand strong and firm on your own, without trampling on others.

I've been in a drama slump for a while, and every drama I've watched I've either not finished or just felt meh about, but this one... I'm so happy I watched it. I'm about to hit my thirties, and sometimes think about what my life could have been had I done x or y, so seeing Mok-ha still out there chasing her dreams and just doing her best at that same age was really comforting in a way. We're still young, and we still have so much time to do what we want. It's gonna be okay.

And the music! Oh my gosh, the entire soundtrack is amazing. Park Eun-bin has such a magical voice. My favorites are definitely Dream Us, Someday, and Fly Away.

All the actors just blew it out of the park - I'm especially impressed by the two young actors Lee Re and Moon Woo-jin who played the younger versions of Mok-ha and Ki-ho. Their roles dealt with some really sensitive topics, and they just gave us everything they had in raw emotions. It would take too long if I had to go over every single actor in this drama, but just know that they all pulled their weight and more. What a dream cast!

This drama is one of the ones I'll be thinking about randomly for years to come, I can already tell. Highly recommended watch.

[girltomboy]

Yesterday I wrote a long ass post that ended up getting blown into dust by tumblr, so I just gave up on ranting (I'd already typed out the whole thing anyway so at least *some* work had been done on processing what had happened) but during yesterday's "Easter lunch" (we don't even celebrate Easter, but we do like to make the traditional food anyway, and it seems we're also adopting the traditional Easter fights) my grandma went off on me about the way I dress (again, still, etc. except this time I'm almost 27, you'd think this topic would ever get old or stale or my family would get tired of fighting over it so much for so long for nothing, and yet it never fucking stops). I was thinking how to tell her that I'm seeing my friends today, it was like something was holding me back. The vibes were just slightly off, but it was an absurd feeling because it's such a mundane and normal thing. So I absent-mindedly mentioned it, and she replied: "what are you going to wear? It better not be those pants you came in" (she hates those pants because they're baggy - like 80% of my pants 🤡 I actually had a feeling she would comment on them when I packed them, but I didn't think they'd be SUCH a big deal, they're some of my normal pants). Those pants are dirty anyway, so I wouldn't have worn them. I told her they're not the only pants I brought with me, I have other pairs. And she immediately said: "NO, not pants. I bet they're also ugly anyway. We'll look for a nice dress in your closet." I said:"There's no need for that, I don't like wearing dresses." It was not a fancy dinner reunion, just a casual day out with some old friends. And she should know by now that I'm not a lover of dresses, except for the beach and a special occasion once in a blue moon, I would never choose to wear a dress. I've never kept this a secret, everyone who knows anything about me is aware of my preference and respects it (they have no choice anyway).

That's what set her off, I don't know what she expected to hear honestly, but she started shouting about my stylistic choices and about the fact that when I come visit her she expects me to wear my best and fanciest clothes "for the neighbors", otherwise I shouldn't even bother coming. And made it clear that the neighbors' opinions and impressions are much more important to her than what I want, feel good in, like, etc. It's not like I go outside in my pyjamas or in trash bags, I just wear normal casual clothes, but she wants me to dress like a news anchor basically. She also said that she's sure the reason why I don't own any nice fancy clothes is because I'm broke from always sending my boyfriend money?? Lol that is 100% a lie that my mom fabricated a looooooong time ago, I'm surprised that it's still holding up, but why wouldn't it? After all, they created it and planted it in their own minds and universes. Of course nothing can shake something that is unaffected by the actual truth, since it doesn't happen in real life. Aside from that, she also revealed some other lies about my boyfriend that are circulating in my mom's and her heads: he's stringing me along, doesn't have "serious plans with me" since he "hasn't married me yet". I was like? ON GOD? 🤭 Aww it's so cute how you get so riled up because you want him to marry me sooo badddd! But have you asked yourself whether or not we Want that? Did you ask ME?? What I want? Do you know anything about what I want, what we talked about? No, they never ask me anything and just survive off of the lies they make up on their own. I told her outright "I don't want that!" (on marriage), but I'm 100% sure that she (and mom too) will think it's because I don't want to marry my boyfriend, not that I don't want to get married to anyone ever. They would know it if only they would simply ask. But they dgaf about what my relationship is actually like irl, only what they invent about it, without any connection to reality, truly matters.

So yesterday I was not in the mood to keep the peace, smile and nod, for the sake of avoiding an argument, because the fight started out about clothes, and escalated into yet another attack on my relationship/my partner. And I'm completely over that, plus she kept adding more and more fuel to the fire by telling me Satan is influencing me to upset her in this way, as a result of me rejecting god (it's a good thing she figured that one out on her own, without me having to open that box of worms), that my way of thinking (which is... idk... wanting to live my life how I want and mind my own business. I guess) will make my family abandon me, which idk fucked up if true, but that threat is absolutely not making me want to fight for the love and respect of a family that is ready to cut me off as soon as I stray from the mold they created for me in their head. And of course everyone including my bf is out to GET me and hurt me except for - you guessed it - the family dangling their imminent abandonment in front of my face. Pretty hilarious but I wasn't intimidated by these words because I've heard them before and they are meaningless to me. And ofc she made it clear she "doesn't know" why I even came to visit her. Which, in the moment, I sure was struggling to remember as well, ngl. AND she said she is sure I must have joined some kind of cult or sect that "is unlike everyone else" which, if you think about the context in which I grew up and the church I was birthed and raised into, is IRONIC as fuck - how can you even think I'd join a cult like that (I'm not religious anymore btw, thanks very much) if I JUST escaped one? Girl, YOU ARE in that cult!! You are describing the sect YOU are part of, and that you want ME to stay in! Why would I chase another one like lmaoooo you think your sect is sooo normal and "like everyone else" when it paints anything and anyone outside it as the enemy and fabricates its own oppression.

So for the rest of the afternoon we didnt speak to each other after the meal, she didn't even leave her room or take any phone calls from various relatives and friends who called her, including my mom. Then in the evening I took a shower, and when I got out she playfully asked me to come to dinner. So I did, and she never mentioned the fight or any of the other topics, neither did I, and even when my mom called her and she answered during dinner she didn't say anything to her, and we all pretended like nothing happened. 😋 That's what we're best at. I'm glad that never sat right with me and I don't implement this tactic in MY interpersonal relationships. But today I was supposed to meet my friends before noon, so I went to have some breakfast. And after I was done I told grandma I was about to leave soon, just so she knows. As I was going back to my room I heard her shout: "Careful how you dress!! If you don't have any money for a taxi I'll give you some, just so the neighbors don't see you!" I was like... Now you'll just make me dress shitty out of spite. In hindsight this talent of saying something completely fucked up then carrying on as if nothing happened, that seems to run in the family because both my grandma and my mom seem to have it, is pretty amazing. Like the creativity and wit are quite rare. But I said nothing and got ready, and when I left I didn't announce it or anything, I simply left.

Story doesn't end here... While I was out I got a harrowing text from my mom telling me "don't bring ur boyfriend home if he's in town... Grandma told me you left without saying and she's sure he came to the city". I burst out laughing, but I haven't replied yet. I don't even know where to begin. I don't even know what to address first. I'm simply amazed at the world building skills that both of them possess. I don't understand why they fear neighbors' gossip so much if they are capable of so much worse on their own. Who even needs enemies talking shit about them behind their back and making up untrue stories and scenarios with a family THIS skilled and hateful? My biggest haters would not be able to come up with shit like this. The assumption that my boyfriend would come all the way to my hometown just to be left stranded in the city, meeting me out on the low like some secret agent, the assumption that I would willingly introduce him into this fucked up and bitter family... Why are you surprised that I would leave without announcing (not even a big deal, I'd already told her I was about to get ready and go) when not 24 hours earlier you made a whole scene and told me to basically never show up here again because you didn't like the pants I wore once. And you constantly and continuously throw tantrums about the way I dress because it doesn't fit YOUR particular taste & style. Why would you not put 2 and 2 together instead of fabricating yet ANOTHER lie to get mad at, and to force me to defend and justify myself against something YOU pulled out of your ass? I'm constantly amazed at the hatred my family is capable of and how easy they are able to weaken our relationship and ruin my trust & perception of them.

[the-mess-of-a-dreamerrr]

March

Reasons why I am not a manic pixie dream girl:

I'm critical. Do you fold towels differently? Wrong. There is only one way to fold towels. I don't understand how people don't learn or catch on as quickly as I do to tasks. My brain is critical and judgmental and it's awful.

I'm sloppy. Do you want the bathroom sink not to be covered in makeup and hairbrushes? Too stinking bad. Clothes? They aren't on the floor but they are draped strategically on the dresser.

I will not be cooking the "marry me chicken." Vegetables. Thats it. If you don't like veggies sorry I don't know you.

I will talk about work 24/7. I'm sorry if you don't know sally from back office but you will be hearing about our complicated interactions trying to fix an annoying problem.

Speaking of work...its my personality. My reason for waking in the morning. I care so stinking much and it does affect everything in my life.

I obsesses over new hobbies. I am a gym girlie for 6 months and the next 3 a piano amateur. I will also be taking up a new language for 2 weeks and then try crafting that will go terribly wrong in the first 10 minutes. But I've already bought a years worth of supplies that will be sitting in our garage.

I hide my emotions. Am I mad? sad? You may never know! About what you may ask I don't even think I know. I feel dumb sharing hard emotions so instead you will be terribly disturbed why I am ugly sobbing to a comedy movie for no obvious reason. This may lead you to read my journal which I stopped writing in because writing what I feel is too much. So we are both left wondering.

Want some one to grow old with? Think again! I have sinking life altering depression. Wondering whats got me in a slump? Oh its just me wanting to die 24/7 don't mind me.

My body literally rejects me. I'm allergic to this world and I don't think I'm meant to live in it. My kidneys they don't work! My bladder is constantly screaming and don't even get me started on the head aches. I think I'm sick 24/7.

I also use the same words too many times. like 24/7. I used it twice already. I get stuck on words in loops. I literally have zero original thoughts.

I am so stinking selfish. literally everything is about me. I like being the center of attention. I crave getting praise and someone saying they like something about me. I'm as egotistical as they come.

I'm fake. I literally care so stinking much what people think of me that sometimes I even change what I like to match what I think the world would want me to like. And then it's 4 years later and I've made it a personality trait and I realize I've been lying for 4 years and actually hate it and I'm left questioning who even am I???

I go to bed every night looking like a splotched animal. I have zit cream all over my face.

I HATE washing my hair. So prepare for me to wine like a 2 year old every time its wash day.

I will not be doing yard work or taking out the trash. It's a boy job. It's sexist I know but it's a boy job. Thats how my mama raised me.

I'm not coordinated and I will not be saying the right thing at the right time. I will always find a way to trip, spill food or drink, knock something over, make a loud noise. If its awkward and embarrassing. I will do it naturally.

Last but not least I made a boy fall in love with me that I constantly hurt. I continue talking to him even though I know it's destroying his mental outlook.

-MV

[softpine]

Olivia: Hey, I have to tell you something else.

Mikaela: What?

Olivia: I don’t even listen to Danny’s music. I never have.

Mikaela [laughing]: And here he was, thinking you’re his number one fan... He’ll be devastated.

Olivia: I’ll try to make it up to him, if I get the chance. Are we... Cool?

Mikaela: Yeah, Liv. We’re cool.

[TRANSCRIPT]

[fukurodianthus]

Its just skin

Synopsis: Self-love is not something that comes to you naturally. Years of self-depreciation makes it difficult to grow into the habit of loving yourself despite of the scars peppered across your skin.

But with your fiancé, Tooru Oikawa, you find yourself stealing glances into mirrors quite often. It catches you by surprise when you find yourself...beautiful?

Pairing: Tooru Oikawa X fem!reader

Genres: tooth-rotting fluff , a lil bit of angst thrown in

Word count: 2.2k

Warnings: The reader suffers from body positivity issues and insecurities regarding her appearance.

Author’s note at the end!

(p.s. didnt proof read because im ✨lazy✨ might do it later when im feeling cute idk)

“Y/N-chan, can we leave already? We’re getting late for the party” Oikawa whined, tugging the sleeve of your shirt lightly.

“Tooru, stop being so impatient!” You pushed your whiny fiancé away and concentrated on covering up the acne scars and freckles peppered across your face with layers of concealer. No matter how much you tried, you could never make your skin look half as perfect as that of the girls who dominated your Instagram and YouTube feed. Every time you looked in the mirror, the taunting voices of your family members and friends would creep into your mind.

Oh my god! Whats wrong with your face?

Don’t you wash your face properly?

You’re never going to get married if you look like that Y/N! Do something about that face of yours!

Do you want me to recommend a good dermatologist to you?

No matter what the topic of the conversation was, people always found a way to bring up the topic of your skin condition in it. You could be talking about quantum physics for all they cared, they would somehow find a way to bring up the topic of your skin.

But they didn’t know all those sleepless nights you had spent on the internet looking for remedies, they didn’t know how you cried yourself to sleep every night, praying that you’ll somehow find that your skin had magically healed up when you woke up. But miracles didn’t happen in this world. At least for you, they didn’t.

You spent a humongous chunk of your salary buying medicines, serums, anything skincare specialists would recommend to you. But none of it could you fix you. Ultimately it all ended up in the trash and you ended up on the bathroom floor, sobbing as you looked into the mirror, face contorted with disgust and self-loathing.

But then, Oikawa Tooru stepped into your life. The first person who didn’t grimace as he looked at your face. He looked at it with childish wonder in his eyes, as if he was looking at something…beautiful?  Every night, when you fell asleep in his arms, his fingers softly grazing your cheeks, you felt an unfamiliar warmth blossom inside your heart. If he could love you despite your flaws, what was stopping you from doing it?

But years of self-depreciation made it difficult to develop the habit of loving yourself. There are still moments when you found you yourself drowning in self-hatred.

Take the present moment, for instance.

No matter how much concealer you caked on your face, it didn’t look half as good as you wanted it to. You let out a frustrated groan as you plopped down on the bed. How could you go to the party looking like this, especially when Oikawa would be by your side? Everyone’s appearance paled in comparison to his flawless beauty. Then how could you, of all people, ever stand beside him as an equal? You knew everyone would be comparing you with him behind your back, their jealousy-tinged voices emphasizing on how someone like you didn’t deserve to be with him. You’d always be an undeserving lover for him in their eyes.

“What’s wrong, Y/N?” Oikawa’s voice was laced with heavy concern. “Do you feel sick? I told you to not eat that expired candy bar last night, but you didn’t listen-”

“Tooru, its not that. I think I look very fucking ugly right now and I can’t bear to look at myself in the mirror. I can’t go to the party right now, not when I’m feeling like this.” You buried your face in a soft cushion and let out a frustrated groan as you turned over on the bed.

“Y/N, did you start putting yourself down again?” You felt him plopping down beside you on the bed, wrapping his arms around your waist.

“Tooru, don’t lie to me, my skin still looks just as bad as ever.”

“You know, sometimes I wonder if astral projections are real.”

“What? Have you finally lost it?” Your widened eyes searched his face, trying to make sense of his words.

“If it was real, then I’d pull your soul out of your body make you look at your face through my eyes. Because there’s clearly something very fucking wrong with your eyes if you cannot see how damn pretty you are.” Tooru huffed, looking at you nonchalantly as if he was stating the obvious.

“Tooru-” you whimpered, turning on your side to face him.

Tooru and his horrible pickup lines.

Gosh, how can I not love him?

His chocolate-brown eyes softened as he pulled you into his chest. The sound of his heartbeat drowned all the cacophony of all the negative thoughts cluttering your mind.

“Y/N, I thought love at first sight was way too cheesy and corny to be real. But then, one day, back in high school, I saw Iwa-chan talking to you. You looked so fucking pretty, you know? The way you’d bite your lips when you were confused, the way you’d look down and let your hair cover your face whenever you were flustered, it was so damn adorable. I might have gone down on my knees right then, if Iwa-chan hadn’t been there. He’d beat the living crap out of me for playing my ‘disgusting tricks’ on his friend.” Oikawa took your hands in his and slowly drew circles on your palm with his thumb.

“Iwa wouldn’t have to beat you up, I’d do it without a second thought if you pulled any of that shit on me. I always found you very bratty, clinging to Iwa with that radioactive sweet smile of yours.”

“Wow, I was head over heels in love with you on first sight, while your first impression of me was that I’m a brat? No wonder you were Iwa-chan’s friend, you both are so mean.” He pouted, looking at you with playful annoyance.

“That was before I got to know you. Your brattiness started growing on me, gradually. Now I’m so used to it, I think I’d forget how to breathe if I didn’t hear your annoying voice every morning.” You chuckled at how his face kept getting redder with every insult that you threw at him.

“You’re used to my brattiness? Are you implying I’m still a brat?”

“Exactly. Looks like you do have a brain.”

“The most amazing setter on this planet doesn’t have a brain, is that what you’re trying to say?”

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but instead of asking me out on a date directly, you bugged Iwa to set us up on a date until he finally shouted at you in the middle of an English class, saying ‘Alright, Shittykawa, I’ll set you up on a date with Y/N, now stop running that fucking stupid mouth of yours.’ " You stole a glance at his face, savoring his flustered expression. "I’m right, am I not?”

Oikawa’s face reddened to the extent where it seemed that he would spontaneously combust at any moment.

"Tooru, c'mon, we both were emotionally constipated fools who could never ask each other out if Iwa hadn't stepped in." You softly ran your hands over his chest, savoring the warmth radiating from him. "Now stop pouting Brattykawa."

"You and Iwa-cha, both of you can never appreciate me before backtracking, huh?" He ran his fingers through your tangled hair, slowly massaging your scalp.

He knew it always calmed you down.

"Hey, did you really find me pretty that day?" You mind went back to how you looked the day when Oikawa first saw you. Greasy hair stuck to your face, cavernous dark circles covering your under eyes, face swollen as a result of pulling all nighters for a whole week. How could anyone, let alone Oikawa find you pretty when you looked like that?

"Can you not hold a conversation for 5 seconds without putting yourself down, huh?"

" I dont think I can Tooru. It still weirds me out that you, of all people found me beautiful when I looked like such a mess."

"Y/N I think we really need to try astral projections now-"

"Tooru, I'm serious-" You whined.

He chuckled, twilring your hair in his fingertips. "Y/N, after being with you for so long, I've realized something. You look for validation in the eyes of people who couldn’t care less about you. But when finally, someone who really cares for you and sees you as who you are tells you that they are truly beautiful, you brush it off. Why do you pretend that our compliments aren't heartfelt? Why are you so scared of being appreciated?"

Every day, when he saw you stealing glances into the mirror, he noticed how disappointment flashed across your face. He knew how you beat yourself up for not being pretty enough. You were never enough for yourself.

If your mind was a place, he’d waltz into it, shredding the self-destructive thoughts gnawing at you sanity into pieces. He’d untangle the mess inside your head, shattering the walls that bars genuine compliments reach your heart.

Oikawa wasn’t the best with words, not at times like this. But he’d give it his best.

He could feel the wet spots blossoming on his shirt, as you buried your face deeper into his chest.

"Oi!  You dummy! Are you crying?"

"To-Tooru I just think th-that I d-don’t deserve your love because I'm not as good looking as-" You choked out in between an onslaught of sobs.

“Hey. Hey, look at me.” He cupped your flushed cheeks and lifted your chin up, his eyes scanning your face in concern.

“Those fucking stupid scars on your face don’t define who you are, okay? Its just skin, Y/N, you are so much more than just…a piece of skin, you know? Honestly, we’re all just bags of flesh and bones if you look at it that way. Do you think I loved you because you were a particularly pretty bag of flesh and bones?” Even though you found his analogy slightly funny, you noticed how his face lit up with passion so you refrained from making any sarcastic comments. He was trying his best.

“Continue, Tooru. I’m listening.”

“I love you because of who you are. I love the way your lashes flutter when we stargaze on the roof every night, I love you how your hair is a tangled mess when you wake up, I love how your puff your cheeks in annoyance when I stop you from over-drinking coffee every night, I love how you whine when you spend hours trying to get your eyeliner right, only to end up smudging it when you rub your eyes absent-mindedly, I love how your eyes light up when I put an extra spoonful of Nutella in your sandwich…gosh, I’m rambling, aren’t I?”

Your grip on his hoodie tightened. He looked at you, breathlessly, scanning your face for a reaction.

Your stared at your reflection in his chocolate-brown eyes, struggling to find the right phrases to express the way his words made you feel. You felt your heart race as if it was beating in pace with a rhythm set in by a drug-induced ecstasy.

What would you call this feeling of warmth that washed over you with every syllable he uttered?

“Thank you.” You wondered if you could’ve said anything better to express how much his words meant to you. God, where were a the fancy words you had learnt from corny YA romance books when you needed them?

But he didn’t need to hear your words to know that you’d been moved by his words. Fancy phrases could never tell him what the faint rosy glow of your cheeks could.

“Stop thanking me for stuff like this. It’s my duty, Y/N. I’m your fiancé for fuck’s sake.”

“You’re such a sap Tooru.” You giggled, squishing his cheeks softly.

“Yeah but you’re hopelessly in love with this sap, so deal with it.” His grip around your waist tightened as he nuzzled his face on your neck, his hot breath fanning across your collarbones.

“Now let me go Shittykawa, we have a party to attend.” You pried his arms off your waist and sat up.

“Babe, we’re about to get married in a few months, you really need to drop that stupid nickname.”

“Hmm, let me think.” Cocking your head to your side, you pretended to be immersed in deep thought. “Nope, not happening.”

“Don’t blame me for what happens next.” Oikawa sat up and tackled you to the bed, pinning your wrists by your side.

“Ooh, now that’s hot, Tooru”

“You know whats hotter Y/N?”

“What?”

“This.” He didn’t give you a chance to respond as his hands slid down to your waist. Your breath hitched in anticipation.

And then he started tickling you.

You broke out in an uncontrollable fit of laughter, kicking him, trying to get him to stop.

Two minutes later, you both lay side by side, panting, faces flushed with breathless fits of laughter.

You caught a glance of your face in the bedside mirror.

Even with your reddened face, tangled hair and smudged mascara, you looked…beautiful.

You felt beautiful.

As you nuzzled your face on his chest, the sound of his heartbeat rumbling in your ears, his words kept replaying in your mind.

“Its just skin, Y/N.”

Author’s note: ahhhhh I kinda wrote this in a flow?? Its a comfort fic/drabble???Idk what this is tbh. This is very self indulgent because I’ve suffered from skin problems(cystic acne ugh🤢) all my life, so I decided to comfort myself through this fic 🥺👉👈 . If only I had an Oikawa in my life 😩✋

N E ways, drink water, get enough sleep(lmao the irony that I’m saying this-) and remember to love yourself because you are beautiful!😤❤️I’ll come for your kneecaps if you put yourself down🤩🔪.

Reblogs would be highly appreciated!

[deliriumsdelight7]

I don't think I've heard the story of how you came to OUaT and Rumbelle, and how you ended up here in the trash heap with the rest of us. Would you like to share?

I'm going to throw this behind a readmore tag, because it got LONG. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I am incapable of brevity.

It all started last... wait, no, the year before. Holy crap.

It all started in 2020, shortly before COVID lockdown. My work already let me work from home three days a week before any of this started. I like having noise when I work, so I would typically throw something mindless on TV while I worked from the couch.

I'd been avoiding Once Upon a Time for years. At my last job, my boss was watching season 1, and she basically spoiled every single thing that happened (y'know, except the ONE THING THAT WOULD'VE HOOKED ME). So I figured, why bother watching the show when I already know everything that happens? Then the following year, one of my coworkers said I needed to watch the show because of the totally hot guy. She showed me a pic.

Hook, guys. It was Hook. Needless to say, I wasn't interested. He's pretty and all, but not my type.

Anyway. Back to 2020. I finally decided to watch this show while I worked, because I do love fairy tales. The show was certainly interesting, but didn't catch my attention. Until a little episode called Skin Deep.

My first thought when I saw Belle was, "huh. She kinda looks like Belle." Then, Rumpelstiltskin showed up, and I thought, "Ohhh, I get it. It's sort of like what he did with Cinderella's fairy godmother. He got rid of the beast for some reason." Then Maurice called him a beast, and the penny dropped.

"WHAT," I thought. "How is this guy my beloved beast?!" I continued watching, highly skeptical that I was going to like it. The chipped cup scene happened, and I grudgingly admitted that it was a good touch.

Then the curtain scene happened. As soon as I saw her on a ladder, and him below, I thought, "she's gonna fall and he's gonna catch her. Man, this is cheesy."

And then, she fell.

And he caught her.

And they looked at each other.

And I was a goner.

The moment the episode ended, I was looking up spoilers for if and when they got together. "If these two don't get together and have a happy ending, I'm quitting this show RIGHT NOW." I found all sorts of spoilers - the good, the bad, the ugly. Mollified, I continued watching through to the season 1 finale.

But it wasn't enough. I needed more! I needed to see what would have happened if they'd been able to be together in the Dark Castle! So I did what any other crazed fan does: I went online and looked up fanfic. I wasn't familiar with AO3 at the time, so I ventured onto FFN. That was where I found @charlotteashmore13 and all of their wonderful Dark Castle fic. I devoured it all (and was too shy to comment - something I'd like to rectify when I have time).

Still, I needed more. This was right at the start of lockdown, so I needed something to occupy my time for the "two weeks" (hahahahahahaha) I'd be stuck at home. So I ventured onto AO3, and I found so. Much. Rumbelle. Fic. I spent six months just poring over different fics. Dark Castle fic. Storybrooke fic. AU fic. I wanted it all. And then I discovered the Anyelle tag: people giving a Belle to different Bobby characters. Now, as a rule, I do NOT like crossovers. Never have. But Anyelle is one big fat exception. I wound up watching California Solo, and knew that Lachlan desperately needed a Belle (and hefty amounts of therapy). A story started to form in my mind. I tried to ignore it, but it wouldn't leave me be. It was driving me mad. So I started writing Breaking Cycles, my Lachlan/Belle fic. It was the first thing I'd written for fun in `15 years.

Once I started posting, and getting a few comments, I realized that comments are nice! I love comments! And if I love comments, maybe other authors love comments too! Maybe if I comment on their stuff, I'm not being an awkward weirdo bothering them!

Right around this time, @kelyon finished writing Golden Cuffs. At the time, I only read fics that were already completed (a habit I've since stopped). I started going through the story, and eventually found the courage to comment, chapter by chapter (afraid that I was annoying the shit out of this amazing writer with my rambling). She was very nice to me, and patient with my rambling. She even read my fic! And then she convinced me to make a Tumblr account and join the community. I've never felt so welcomed by a community in my life.

And the rest, as they say, is history!

[animeyanderelover]

Is it alright if I request prompt 47 again, since I've already requested it once?! This time with Grell?

That’s fine with me dear.

Warnings: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, clinginess, violence, blood

Prompt 47: “Telling me I’m crazy sounds wrong. Let’s...just say I’m madly in love with you.”

“Grell! What the heck?! Stop beating this guy up! You know exactly that you’ll get in troubles again with William!”, you yelled at her whilst trying to pull her from the man covered in black. He looked shitty and you dearly hoped he was still alive. “No! Let me go! He flirted with you today and I’ll kill him for this! I clearly heard how he called you disrespectful names! Just wait until I’m finished with this piece of trash!”, Grell protested loudly whilst struggling to free herself out of your grip. She was a grim reaper and was so much stronger than you. She could have ripped you off of her with ease, but she held back because she didn’t want to hurt you. You knew that you should probably be scared of seeing her beating someone up all bloody with the intention to kill him, but as sad as it may sounded, you were so used to it by now. Your main priority now was to save this man from dying a brutal death, you could later on feel scared. You tried with all of your strength to pull her back, but she just dragged you forwards like you were nothing at all.

“Grell! Try to think rationally! If William finds out what you’ve been doing this past few weeks he’ll take your death scythe from you and you’ll have to work overtime! That would mean you’ll have less time to spend with me!” When she suddenly stopped struggling you knew that you had gotten to her with these words. You knew exactly that Grell would do almost anything to spend time with you and you dearly hoped it would be enough to save this man. “You do have a point.”, she mumbled and you let a quiet sigh of relief out. It seemed like it would work. She slowly turned around to you. “However...” Oh no! “That doesn’t change the fact that he has seen me right now. And it is forbidden that humans know of our existence. And this guy here has a big mouth so I doubt he would keep it shut.” That was true though, but still. “We have nearly the twentieth century! No one would believe him!”, you tried to reason with her. “Can you guarantee that?”, she asked you. You wanted to answer, but couldn’t. You couldn’t because you couldn’t guarantee it. That he would keep his mouth shut was just wishful thinking from your side. Your silence confirmed her thoughts. She sighed. “I know that you don’t like me killing people. But first of all, it’s my job to kill people and second of all, I did tell you at the beginning of our relationship what would happen to anyone who dares to touch you.”

Relationship?! Which relationship?! This whole thing had been literally forced from the very beginning! Kidnapping you, dragging you to the cottage in the forest and locking you up in there didn’t count as a relationship! But you were wise enough to not tell her this. She pulled her death scythe out and started it. “If you don’t want to see this I would advice you to go away.” She slowly stepped towards the man who had slowly sat up and stared with terrified eyes at the grinning grim reaper. “No! Show mercy! I won’t tell anyone! I promise!” He looked desperately in your way. “You! Help me!” You watched his facial expression twisting into an ugly mask made out of fear. Pure fear. You had seen that face so often that it didn’t have much of an effect on you. You slumped your shoulders and turned around, leaving the both of them alone. You glanced one last time back and mouthed silently to the man:”I’m sorry.” Then you just walked away from the scene, ignoring the scared cries and pleads of the man and not once turning back. You walked behind the corner of the alley and leaned against it. You still Heard- the screams of the man echoing through the walls. Grell should just kill him. Why torturing the poor man so much? But then again, she liked to take her time with people who did you wrong. You felt a bit bad for him. No! Stop that! Stop feeling guilty! You took a deep breath to calm down. Feeling guilty wouldn’t do you anything good. It would just make you suffer more.

And just like that it suddenly became quiet. The screaming of the man had stopped. So she was done. You heard footsteps approaching you fastly before she stood right next to you, blood all splashed over her. You knew what she wanted to do and before she could do it you lifted your hand in a stopping manner. “Don’t hug me. You’re covered in blood and I’m not in the mood to get dirtied. It’s also so hard to wash blood out of clothes. Take a bath and then we can talk about cuddling. Grell gave you a confused look before she started pouting. You gave her a suspicious look before slowly turning around and walking towards the forest. “Let’s just go home and hope that William won’t find out about this or else you won’t be able to use that Death Scythe of yours again.” It wasn’t like she didn’t have other weapons. Truth to be told in your house she had a whole room filled with weapons, weapons and more weapons. It was hidden in the basement. And Grell had created this room for the simple reason so she would still have weapons if William should ever take her Death Scythe away. You guessed you should be glad that William didn’t decide to get rid of you after he found out about you, but Grell could be really annoying if she wanted too and had convinced William more or less to let her keep you. You could sympathize with William since the both of you seemed to suffer from a similar fate. Both of you were forced to spend a lot of time with the red clothed grim reaper. William when he was working with her and you when Grell was at home. You suspected that this was the reason why he had decided to let you live. Because you both were victims of Grell.

Suddenly you felt a force hitting you from behind. You needed a moment until you realized what this force was. Two strong arms squeezing nearly all the air out of you. “...Grell!!”, you yelled angrily and started thrashing around you. Damn it! You could feel how she smeared all the blood from her clothes and body on yours. “You idiot! Didn’t I tell you to wait until you’ve cleaned yourself up?!” You broke free from her grip and looked pissed off down you. As you had feared. You had blood on your whole body and it smelled terribly! “Just look what you’ve done! I’m completely dirty! And now I have to scrub my ass off to get rid of the blood from my clothes! Thank you very much Grell!” You panted heavily after your short outburst and glared angrily at her. She on the other hand had an adoring look on her face. “Uhh! I love it when you show your fire! But try to look at it from the positive side! Now we can take a bath to clean ourselves up!” Was that supposed to be a good thing?! You didn’t think so! “What the hell?! Do you think that’s a good thing?! For me it’s not! Are you crazy or something like this?!” Grell didn’t seem offended in the least bit. Instead her smile widened upon hearing your angry yelling voice. “Telling me I’m crazy sounds wrong. Let’s...just say I’m madly in love with you.”

You stopped glaring at her. What was the use in wasting all of your energy? You didn’t even know what kind of reaction you had hoped to get from her with your yelling. Did you want her to feel angry? Did you want her to feel remorse? You didn’t know, but you knew that whatever reaction you had hoped to get from her, it would be useless. You looked down on your filthy clothes. “You clean that up. You were the one who ruined them.”, you told her more calmer. “If that’s what you want!”, she answered thrilled and grabbed your hand in hers, dragging you fastly back to the forest, back to the house so the both of you could take a bath together.

[samayla]

The Morning Pages

I'm a couple of weeks into writing "The Morning Pages" - which is a couple of weeks longer than any other journaling stint I've ever attempted - and I thought I'd share a few of the things that I've learned, about myself and the practice.

For those of you who are unfamiliar, "The Morning Pages" is a journaling practice from the book "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron. It's supposed to be a creativity booster, a way to train your brain to get over roadblocks by committing to writing three pages of whatever is on your mind, every day, no matter what.

Now, a disclaimer - I have never read "The Artist's Way." There are, however, any number of excellent videos about it - and more specifically the Morning Pages themselves - on Youtube.

Onward!

★ No one will ever read my Morning Pages. Ever. I don't even reread my own writing. I flip through the pages sometimes, just to admire the pages and pages of handwritten text, but this style of journaling is not for reading, which brings me to my next point...

★ The Morning Pages are not for blow-by-blow, faithful accounts of my day. I approach my Morning Pages with one key question in mind:

Which thoughts are too heavy to carry around with me all day?

This is my brain, hauling around all kinds of junk and shoving it in my face all the time.

To be fair, I love my brain, and it's not all junk. A lot of it's pretty amazing stuff, but I don't need all of it all the time.

My life is hard enough without my brain dumping extra junk into the mix all the time. Also, I had nightmares about the Labyrinth Junk Lady as a kid. So I started writing the Morning Pages to give myself a place to put those things aside. There's a pretty little moth on the cover of my journal, and he can carry those thoughts instead. He's a tough little dude. He gets the ugly, messy, tangled thoughts I would never, ever share with anyone else. He gets those white-noise-tv-static kind of thoughts that try to eat my brain. He gets all the whining and crying and cussing and internal debates that stop me making decisions. He gets the meltdowns and the tantrums and the panic attacks, and he also gets those hyper-elated-bubblegum-in-my-hair kind of happy thoughts that are great, until they get in the way. He holds onto them for me, so I can let them go. They're not gone, just set aside in a safe place, in case I need them later, and that relieves so much anxiety for me.

★ Sometimes I don't have any thoughts like that to unload. I write my shopping list instead. I scribble down the song lyrics that are currently stuck on repeat. I ask dumb questions - like is the French Tuck named after Tan France, or does he just like it because it sounds like it could be? I draw stars or flowers or zigzag lines that mean nothing at all. I write in huge letters that take up three rows each. Flipping back through, those days make me smile.

★ Sometimes I just stop early, before hitting that magical three page mark. Despite all the videos saying it's basically three pages or die, I have not died yet. This shouldn't be a torture device, nor should it get in the way of real life. I didn't write at all the past two days, and guys? The world did not end. My migraines mean there are days when I have aphasia and can't make words happen, or my fine motor skills are trash and writing my own name feels like trying to dig out the Bread Basket in a high stakes game of Operation. I don't write much on those days because it frustrates me - but I could, because no one ever has to be able to read it, but I don't have to, and that makes me powerful. Sometimes my day launches before I'm even out of bed, and there's just no slowing down until my head hits the pillow that night. I don't write on those days either, because it would be just one more thing on a day that needs less things in it already.

★ I need a bit of a ritual to get my brain into Morning Pages mode because there are mornings when my brain just doesn't want to do it, for no very good reason at all. By having every session start with the same couple of steps, I don't have to think too hard to get started. Every entry starts with a little star at the top of the page. This started as a quick way to make sure my pen was working properly, but it makes me happy, so I've kept on, even though I have a really nice pen at the moment. Then I open the writing session with the date and "Good Morning!" - even if I've put off writing until later in the day. The greeting gets one whole line to itself, so I'm already making progress toward that three-page goal. Whenever I'm done, another little star goes at the bottom of the last page, just to close the session and help my brain switch gears again.

★★★So what has this done for me?★★★

I've caught myself thinking things like, "Oh, man. This would be a perfect topic for my Morning Pages. I should save it for that." But then, more often than not, just knowing I could write it in there is enough for me to let it go, right then and there, without any conscious effort. I get to my next set of Morning Pages, and I find myself writing about something completely different. My priorities are free to shift like that now. Instead of stewing over things, I can put them aside, and later on, with a little perspective, I discover that some of those things weren't all that important anyway.

I feel lighter and more in control. I think Intentional is the word. I feel like I'm here on purpose, doing things on purpose. I'm getting better at noticing which things are worth worrying about, and when I feel overwhelmed, I am better able to see my way clear of it.

I feel less pressure to be perfect in my other writings. "Just getting the words out" is easier in the Morning Pages, because I know no one will ever read them, and that's made me realize no one else will ever read the early drafts of my other writings either. I switch up my handwriting in my journal all the time. Some days it's chicken scratch. Others, it's perfect cursive. Or all caps. Whatever I feel like. And for someone who is embarrassingly concerned about the aesthetic of whatever I'm writing, that has been massively liberating. I started a writing journal for Magpie Grace recently as well, and a few pages in, I discovered that I preferred writing in it in all caps. In the past, I might have started over so the whole thing is in all caps, or given it up entirely as "ruined," but now, some is in caps, some is in cursive. No big deal.

[seraphanangelica]

I Hope You Suffer

Bakugo x Fem! Reader Angst

Feat. Midoriya

I wrote this a LONG time ago, and I’m posting it on here for nostalgic reasons. It’s also on my Wattpad 😂

Warnings: Violence, language, Bakugo being a prick

I stared hatefully at the two pieces of paper that laid all alone on my otherwise empty mahogany desk. Two letters, to be precise, were from him, the one person who I absolutely hated right now. Right when we were getting serious he just had to make me look like a fool. He just had to try to weaken me.

With an enraged scream, I shot a beam of fire at the papers that tore my heart in a million pieces, making them turn to ash instantly, same for the desk. For a second, I stared at the pile of ash with a blank expression on my face, a split second of emotionless behavior.

"SHIT!!!!" I screamed, sinking to the black stained carpet that was supposed to be white. I had burned so much stuff in this room that I gave up on trying to clean the floors. I buried my face in the palms of my hands, pulling my H/L H/C hair out of frustration.

How could he do this to me? What have I done to him to deserve this? They all warned me. They said it would end like this--ugly and uncaring.

"WHY?!" I slammed my fists on the floor, leaving marks of ash in the exact shape of my fists. My breath became ragged, the source of my air leaving. It was like the world was mocking me, disgracing my actions. But it wasn't me they needed to mock. It was him.

The next day at school, I didn't talk to anyone as I walked onto campus. I just wanted to get class over with. Right now, everyone was annoying, laughing and joking, smiling at their wonderful day. Whatever, it's not like they knew what happened. I can't just expect them to automatically know and come talk to me.

I walked slower than my usual speedy pace, not caring if I was late at all. Today, Aizawa could kiss my ass, as well as all the heroes here. knowing the person I dreaded to see would start something up, chances were high that I would break a myriad of school rules just to see him fall.

"Y/N!! Wait up!" Izuku shouted, running up to me and putting a hand on my shoulder to get my attention. "You didn't return my calls last night. I was worried that something was wrong." He said with concern, but with the ever-present smile on his face.

I smiled my best fake smile and nodded once, waving my hand in a dismissive gesture as we walked, still very slowly, towards 1-A. "Yeah, sorry about that, Izuku," I looked behind my shoulder, scanning the students until I saw a very familiar head of spiky blonde hair. "I was a little preoccupied last night." I scowled, venom on my tongue.

Izuku stopped smiling. After a second, he stopped walking. "I know you, Y/N, more than you think. That smile isn't real." He put his hands in his pockets and looked up at me worriedly. I just shrugged and continued walking, not waiting for Izuku, knowing he'd catch up to ask more questions.

Looking behind to where I was previously, his frown turned to slight anger. "Did something happen with you and Kacchan?" He glanced me look of pity, making me scoff.

"And if something did? Please don't pity me, I don't need it or want it. And don't do anything rash." I added the last part just as Izuku clenched his fists in attempt to not say anything. When he didn't respond, I knew he was most likely thinking of what he'd do if Katsuki hurt me again.

It was silent as we entered the classroom, sadly separating to go to our seats. I took my seat next to Todoroki, who as I was worried about, because he notices everything. Won't be long until he notices I'm not talking to Katsuki like I always do.

Sighing inwardly, I folded my arms on the desk and used them as a pillow as I hid my face, praying when Katsuki entered the room he wouldn't say anything. Did I just think Katsuki and not saying anything in the same sentence?

I could practically sense Todoroki looking at me curiously due to my odd behavior, but it's not like I cared. To be honest, who really does? I heard Todoroki sigh quietly, probably giving up trying to figure out what my problem was. I just wanted silence. Like everything I did, it was a wasted endeavor.

"DEKU YOU BASTARD!!"

My head snapped up and I saw Katsuki yelling at Izuku as always. Wonder what Izuku didn't do this time. I didn't pay much mind to it nowadays since Izuku got his quirk, explaining it was late manifestation. But considering the circumstances from last night, things have changed.

Before Izuku could even open his mouth to respond, I stepped in, laughing my ass off. Of course the laugh was fake, but it was more convincing than my smile.

"THE FUCK YOU LAUGHING AT, L/N?" Katsuki shouted, his attention turned away from my best friend. I put my finger up for him to give a second as I was seriously struggling to get air, standing up so I could breathe easier. Katsuki looked shocked that someone told him to wait so they could respond - they would just cower.

"You just...need to.... One second." There were a few laughs from the other students as I continued taking deep breaths, once again putting my finger up, telling him to wait even longer. I quickly regained my posture and spoke with a smirk, "You just need to change what you say more often. 'Deku you bastard' is way too overused."

Katsuki returned my smirk, his darker and more cruel. "You know what else is overused? You calling me by my first name. It's Bakugo to you now." Silence consumed the classroom, a couple people gasped. By this time, the whole of 1-A knew we had broken up.

I clenched my fists and walked up to Bakugo so we were but a foot apart. "WHAT DID I DO, HUH?! YOU JUST DROP ME LIKE I'M NOTHING? THROW ME AWAY LIKE A FUCKING PIECE OF TRASH?!"

He rolled his eyes and scowled, something deadly that I might not survive. Well, there's nothing to live for now. "You're just an obstacle in my way, an extra. You are nothing," He pushed me lightly, making me stumble back. "You are just a piece of trash, something, as you said is so easily thrown away." By now he had me against the wall, his arm pinning me to it.

I tried to look calm and menacing, but my eyes gave me away, I already knew it. So, as I hated him, I tried to hit him where it hurts. More specifically, his pride. "An extra? Oh, please. You do know you're the only one here who doesn't think of yourself as one too? There are people more talented and powerful here than you, and they don't think of me as an extra."

"SHUT UP! I'M NOT AN EXTRA! THE ONLY REASON THEY DON'T CONSIDER YOU AS AN ONE IS BECAUSE THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU EXIST AND THEY COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT A PATHETIC THING LIKE YOU!"  Bakugo grabbed the collar of my shirt and pulled off the wall just to slam me back against it, the impact making me shudder.

What happened next was like slow motion to me. My E/C eyes saw Iida shouting at Bakugo to sit down, just as Bakugo raised his fist that was surround by explosions at me. With shouts of rage, Izuku and Todoroki grabbed him and tried pulling him away from me. It deemed useless when Bakugo broke free of their hold, and turning back to me. Just as I was about to be exploded into bits, a familiar white/grey scarf captured Bakugo, and drug him away from the area.

I was frozen in place, my shock taking hold of my mind. I was numb to the world and frankly, I liked it. Two things he had said to me hung in my mind like poison. He had called me a thing. Is that really how he sees me? That, though, was nothing compared to what he screamed as he was dragged back to his seat by Aizawa. 'I hate you, Y/N L/N'.

Not caring who was watching, I sunk to my knees and finally cried, letting my tears fall in ugly and loud sobs, completely missing the quick flash of regret in Bakugo's face. He reminded himself that he needed to do what he did so he could become the best. Before  I could see the true feelings of Katsuki Bakugo, he went back to the profile of a heartless, broken beast.

"I-I just can't believe Kacchan would do that to you."  Izuku stuttered as we walked out of UA and headed to the nearest diner. I hadn't eaten lunch since Bakugo would be there, so Izuku insisted that he'd take me to get something to eat. Truly, I didn't mind as long as he pays; free food is free food.

"It's alright, really. He had a problem, and he got rid of it. Simple enough." I put my hands in my jacket pockets and slouched, a complete giveaway towards my emotions. I can't keep anything away from those who know everything about me.

Izuku surprisingly didn't even look at me as I said what I thought. Honestly, I've been telling myself I was just a problem and something in the way ever since I started attending UA. As much as Izuku and everyone else tries to tell me, I deny every time they do, I don't believe it when they say I'm worth it. Bakugo just confirmed my thoughts.

"You just called yourself a problem," Izuku shook his head. "But you're not. Why do you put yourself down like this?" By now, my green haired friend was fully convinced I was at some level depressed from the situation.

I shrugged as we approached the restaurant, reaching the door first and holding it open for Izuku. "It's the truth, I am well aware it hurts." I said simply, sitting at a random table by the window so I could at least breath a bit. Bored very quickly, I picked up the menu and scanned my eyes over the list of food.

Izuku sat across from me and frowned at the table, a truly sad and broken expression present on his face. I wanted to question what it was for, but decided against it quickly when he looked up, our eyes meeting, green to E/C. He sighed and shook his head again as if he were wanting to tell me something and was restraining himself before he could.

The waitress arrived then, and we ordered our drinks and food, avoiding eye contact with everything and everyone. She nodded and then left, scribbling the last things on her notepad. When she was out of sight, we continued the conversation.

"What happened yesterday? You and Kacchan seemed fine at school, and now you can't even speak his name." He said after a long couple seconds' silence. I stayed silent, looking at the dark brown table with sudden interest in the illusion of texture. "Tell me, Y/N." He pressed. One day, his caring too much will have big consequences for him- good and bad.

"Nothing really important. I was just walking home yesterday from what seemed like a good day with Katsuki- I mean Bakugo. Then a few hours later, my mother came in and handed me two envelopes written out to me." I paused, not sure I wanted to go on, but Izuku's interest made me continue. Blame him for all my good doings. "I Was excited, as anyone would be if they see something addressed to them on paper rather than text. Both letters were from Katsuki, the first one saying how much he loved me and that it was genuine, only for the second one to say that that's the exact reason he had to let me go. I was in the way of him becoming the best hero the world could get. I threw them on my desk and disintegrated the papers and my desk."

Izuku  portrayed something so despondent, it was hard to believe that it was him. "That's something you can expect from Kacchan... but that doesn't mean he has a right to do that to you."

The waitress came with out food and we thanked her, carrying on the moment she left. I hope she didn't think we were being secretive and I hate more than anything someone being suspicious of me. Then again, it wasn't her job to ask questions-it was her job to bring the food.

"Besides," He started, taking a bite of chicken. "He could be regretting it this very moment." His smile was so convincing, but I didn't believe it for a second.

"What was it you just said? The betrayal sounds like Bakugo, but regret doesn't even come close to him. You have more luck breaking the fourth wall then getting a smidgen of regret from Katsuki." I scoffed, picking at my food with sudden slight disgust. Izuku is going to pay for it, so might as well try to eat something.

Izuku nodded in understanding, then shook his head. "Kacchan has regrets. I've seen him regret many things before, and I'm sure he regrets this." The way he tried to lighten the mood, the amount of effort not to be angry at Bakugo, the self restraint he put upon himself was phenomenal. I would've expected at least one tear to fall by now, or at least some form of his anger to reveal itself. I knew Izuku was mad at Bakugo, but it wasn't his problem. What his problem was was making every single one his. It'll get him killed one day, I guarantee it.

I sighed and glanced out the window, eyeing the vibrant green grass field that was known as the park just a street across. When I was younger, that meadow of sorts used to be my haven, my way to contemplate life's complications, to release my anger if need be. But I couldn't do that anymore. When I did, the meadow was sealed off, giving me the advantage to incinerate anything and everything I wanted to. I'm pretty sure there was still the remains of an oak tree from a few years ago just sitting there, waiting to disappear like an apparition. Sooner or later, the stress from the life of UA would lead back there once again.

"Possibly," I said softly, breaking out of my thoughts. "But we will see. I won't wait around for him to beg for forgiveness. If he can move on so damn quickly, so can I, and I will not let him get under my skin just to rip me apart. Again. I hope he suffers."

Izuku went pale, a glimpse of fear in his eyes. I, being one of the most powerful in class 1-A, have been proven to be very intimidating when angry, so no one really tries to get me even the slightest annoyed. All but Bakugo of course.

"Y-you don't actually mean that, d-do you?" He stuttered, his already big eyes wide with worry for who he thinks is his friend. One day, he'll realize Katsuki Bakugo had stopped being his friend years ago.

I just smiled, still looking out the window marveling at the beauty of what was about to be a pile of ash. I always smile when I'm angry, it's a huge giveaway if anyone's ever saw one.

"Oh, I mean it. He thinks he can just throw me away? I'll just keep coming back, and back, and back until he gets a solid message. He will suffer." With a wicked smirk, I waited for the right time I could tell Bakugo I was going to be his demise.

Tonight, all that we cherished together will go go down to ash.

Yeah... welp, there’s always room for improvement!

[heresathreebee]

No Touching

[Ava Starr x Female!Reader]

Summary: Friend dates with Ava always brighten your day (and night). Tonight is more enlightening than brightening, though… 

Previous Masterlist Next

Word count: 1.7 words

Warning(s): 14+ | angst, gay panic, dolls, 1 (one) racist antique, Steven Segal movie, chronic pain, tears.

AN: No actually I didn't bother to edit this, not doing that anymore, I think too much as it is. As always, I write with a black reader in mind but feel free to read even if you aren't. 🖤

You are eighty percent sure that you and Ava are dating.

85%... 78%... 81.5% sure.

It would probably be best if you cleared that up (but be cool about it though). You've started seeing each other more and more, and on purpose no less. Never a dull conversation, she's reluctant to share some of her life story but she's eager to know everything about you and you're more than happy to indulge. It's not like you know nothing about her; you just don't know the specifics of her past. 

Her parents died when she was young, she's ex-military (you think?), and she just came off of a huge life change and is getting used to what she calls 'real life.' You figure out she's a bit of a shut in and hates crowds, so you go out of your way to show her quiet places and introduce her to things she's never tried before. The bowl by your front door where you put your keys has 20 or 30 marbles from ramune bottles in it. You can't seem to ring her secret out of her, she just gives you this cryptic knowing smile and laughs at your attempts to sweet talk or annoy it out of her. 

You feel so close, growing closer still, she's quickly become the best part of your week, and you catch yourself thinking about her even when she's not with you. But you've never held hands. Hell, you've never even so much as brushed shoulders with her by accident. If you're dating, shouldn't you at least hug her goodbye? Is she even able to be into you like that?? 

You try not to let the panic set in as you stand outside of the antiques mall. You told her you liked old things and promised to show her your favorite pastime. God, how do you go about this? Should you just flirt with her and see how she reacts? Also how does one flirt? What if you’re fucking up and she really just wants to be friends? God knows you could use some friends right now. 

When she does appear, you do nothing. You continue to act relaxed and enjoy her presence, promising yourself you’ll ask about it afterwards. Ava’s wearing that grey jacket again made of a thin sports fabric and you make a mental note it might rain today. 

“Ava,” you stage whisper, waving her out of the jewelry section by the front desk and into the maze of vintage old clothes and furniture. “Back here, to the left.” 

Deep deep deep in a corner of the massive store, Ava stops dead in her tracks (you run into her but back away quickly) and stares. 

“This... is…” Ava covers her mouth with her hands to hold her laughter in, “ghastly.” 

The shelf is wide, with dark wood trimming and protective glass. The lights are almost fluorescent as they illuminate dozens of humanoid dolls. Some are cute, but some are also creepy, unnerving, down right scary. 

You point at the one with the Jonbenet Ramsey likeness and deep cracks in her porcelain face. It was overly large compared to the rest, having to have stuffed legs crossed like a sitting child. "I think I fear that one the most." 

You felt Ava shiver and didn't even realize you were standing that close. Her eyes darted from face to face, taking in every terrible and wonderful detail of them. You smelled coconut in her hair and tried to distance yourself a bit, missing the conversation. "Huh?" 

"I said they're haunted, aren't they?" 

"That one definitely is." You look over the other dolls. "I don't know, I think the rest are kinda cute. 'Cept that one: that one can fuck off straight to hell." 

Down on the second shelf where the light began to struggle in reach belied an offensive porcelain joke. The decoration portrayed an over animated child at play, with oil black skin, fat red lips, and bulbous eyes. This child was dressed in white rags and sucking on a wedge of fruit. Guess which one. Fucking guess, I dare you. 

"It's not even a fucking doll," Ava grumbled. "Why is it here?" 

You leaned in to whisper, "someday, I'm gonna buy that thing just to fucking smash it on the pavement." 

"Oh, what a lovely sound it would make." 

You hum. "I'm not gonna give nobody money for that trash. Can't steal it either, we'd never make it to the door." 

Ava looked over her shoulder with a cheeky smile. "We?" 

You simply tilt your head at her, and she huffs out a laugh. She nodded as if agreeing with you, then drifted away from the case like a wary woman. You toured through the rest of the store like a treasure trove of other people's memories, war memorabilia, ancient brand merchandise (why would anyone want a life size green m&m in their house? Who is this for?), and paintings from the dadeism era by unpopular artists. You ate lunch at the vendor shops in downtown and retired to your place for a movie. 

You must have fallen asleep at the beginning but you came to during some big shootout between Steven Segal and generic Latino drug dealer #7 when you accidentally dropped your hand into Ava's lap. Quickly, Ava withdrawals, thrusting herself to the other side of the couch as if in disgust. Your head jerks up in hurt and confusion, you hadn't even felt anything except a light tingling. You could barely hear the tv audio over the sound of blood rushing in your ears. 

"You can't touch me," Ava spat. "You just can't. Ever. Please…" 

"I'm sorry. Ava, I– I am so, so sorry I didn't mean to–" 

"It's not your fault and you didn't know," she mumbled and faltered, "it's just… you can't." 

You feel tears prick in the corner of your eyes as you try to swallow. "I'm sorry. Really. It won't happen again." 

Ava looked up at you guiltily and sighed. She folded her legs and eased herself off of the couch arm rest, hands tucked into her lap and unable to meet your eyes anymore. 

"It's not what you think it is," she explained. "I… I have a condition of sorts. And it… it hurts.” 

Her words put a hold on the tears threatening to spill from your eyes. “Like a… skin condition? Or nerves or something?” 

Ava nodded quickly. “Yes. yes, like a nerves thing. My um, my nervous system. It's chronic."

“Oh Ava,” you cover your heart with a breathy sigh, “of course! I wish I’d known I would have never–” 

“It’s not something I like to talk about.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m really glad you understand. Sorry I freaked out, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings or anything.” 

You tried to blow a raspberry. “It’s whatever, didn’t hurt my feelings.” 

Yeah, you could hear the weakness of the lie, too. Still, Ava went and parked herself on the couch exactly where she was before– close but not too close. Warm but not quite touching. You were ready to let it slide and go right back to pretending to watch the movie when– 

“So what’s going on between us exactly? I like girls– I like you– and I don’t mean just in a friend sort of way– is it maybe sorta possible you might feel the same way about me?” 

Who said that? You? Honestly you’re feeling a little dizzy as you try and stare a hole in the tv screen. And Ava? Well at least she didn’t hold you in suspense for too long. She chuckled– and god you had to look. You had to know if she was laughing at you or with you. Your eyes snapped to her completely unmocking face. 

She blinked at you, bit her lip even. “Yes, I am.. Capable of liking girls. Might prefer them actually. And I definitely like you in a more-than-a-friend sort of way.” 

It takes a second to sink in. OK, it takes a hot minute to sink in. Like the movie ended and you walked Ava home and you slept in until 10 am and made omelettes for breakfast at noon and laid down on your floor staring at the ceiling until sundown. Yeah that kind of hot minute. And your lips curled into a soft smile because you had a girlfriend and she liked girls and you could not be happier than you are right now. 

~

Ava asked you to meet her on the corner by the antiques mall that night. You don’t know how but she got her grubby, thieving little mitts on that disgusting tar baby doll from the haunted doll shelf. You made her swear up and down she didn’t pay real money for it, then nearly pulled out your hair when you realized it meant she definitely stole it and– 

"How the ffffUCK do you just DO that?!" 

"Slight of hand," she mused. 

Fuck, and she was a geek. Yeah, you're definitely in love. She pushes the ugly thing into your hands and despite being cold porcelain it feels like it's burning. 

"Do the honors." 

There's no build up. No ceremony. You don't want to drag this out anymore. You take a swinging leap and spike that shit and watch it shatter into a hundred pieces with the most glorious sound you'll ever hear. You land in slow motion, already replaying the image of thick glass pieces cracking on the indigo pavement. You stand over your mess, triumphant. 

The quiet of the night time street drifts back to you, as does Ava. "I'll be honest I expected a big speech." 

You shrug. "I've been waiting too long to do that. Thank you, Ava. I mean it." 

"Oh believe me it was my pleasure." Ava swaggers closer to you and if you didnt know better you'd think she was going in for a kiss. "Tonight, the tar baby. Tomorrow, the world." 

You resist the urge to clap her on her shoulders and throw your hands in the air instead. "Sounds like a date!" 

Next

[kittystargen3]

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13534569/1/Return-of-the-Survivors

Alternate Universe- What if Anakin's mother survived and Anakin never went dark side. Padme has the twins on Tatooine and survives. Anakin tries to help the surviving Jedi, while still keeping his family secret. Meanwhile Darth Sidious has been crowned emperor and is going after the remaining Jedi. Rumors have it he's looking for a new apprentice. Anakin gets to be a daddy.

I've got an update for you on Return of the Survivors. Yeah, I know, Finally. Below is a small selection. Click the link above to read more.

Chapter 65 - Clandestine Strategy

“Thanks Stevie,” Han shouted.  “Another, Oh, I better not.  We’ve got friends on planet and…”

Chewie bellowed a loud moan  “Rooooooaaaaaaaaaargrh.”

“Yeah, we’d better go meet them before they call us late.  It was fun.  We should do this again.”

“Grrraaaaaaaagrh,” Chewy waved.

Han’s friend Stevie ran the junk yard at Ord Mantell, and though his place wasn’t listed in any tourism guides, It was Han’s favorite place to visit.  Not just because his friend had a taste for the real drinks, not that fancy stuff the casino’s serve.  But also because Stevie knew how to spot that rare part that to other junk dealers was just another piece of trash, and his collection was the best place to shop.  The Falcon wasn’t just any Freighter, no she needed the best parts.  So what if some of them weren’t being made anymore.  It was still better than an imperial era engine, and nothing would convince Han to change that.

“Now, we won’t be telling anyone where we got the new part.” Han said to Chewy.  “The princess might not approve.”

“Rrrrrrrrgrrrrh hrrrrrrrrrrrgah?” Chewy asked.

Han rolled his eyes.  “Which princess,” He muttered to himself.  Then he laughed.  “Leia, of course.  If Mara finds out she’d just go ewww, and refuse to touch it.  Leia’s the one who’d blame “That trash” for every hiccup the Falcon has.

“Mrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmrgrh.” Chewy rolled his eyes.

“Hey, I’ll have you know, it’s not just a crush.  She’s into me too.” Han rushes after the Wookiee.  “She spends most rides with me in the cockpit.  Why would she do that if not for my company.”

Chewy growls something mocking Han, as he climbs on board the Falcon.  Han came behind him and was about to respond, when he noticed the lights were already on in the ship.  “Did you leave that on?” he asked Chewy.  At the same time he was reaching for his weapon.  Chewy gave a low growl denying it.  Han pulled out his blaster and crept quietly through the ship.

Then suddenly a small green head popped up.  “Gone, the intruders are.”

Han gasped, then took a moment to let his breathing return to normal.  He barely managed to not shoot the little Jedi.  “Master Yoda.  Where are the others?”

Yoda’s expression became serious.  “Explains that, the recording does.”  He pointed to the nearby table, on which sat a new device.  “This for you, the intruders left.”

Han was curious now, so he walked over and pushed a button on the device.  A holographic figure appeared above it and started talking.

“Han Solo.  I am Skorr of the Bounty Hunters Guild.  Christophsis Incorporated has issued a bounty on your head, one I am here to collect.  Now, I could come in there guns blazing and try to take you by force, but then I might break a nail.”  The holo camera was turned and several other figures took form.  Amongst them Han could clearly make out Luke and Leia.  They were tied up and kicking, but it was all in vain.  Then the holo camera turned again and Skorr’s ugly, half cyborg mug was back on the screen.  “If you want your friends to remain free, you will turn yourself in.  Travel to these coordinates…” He moved his hand and a set of numbers was displayed holographically above his hand.  “Come alone, without your wookiee or Jedi friends, and when you are in bonds, we will release the prisoners.  Otherwise I will have to see who else is willing to pay for their pretty little faces.”

Han could taste the bile from his throat.  The thought of that man harming Leia, or any of the others, made him mad.

“Clouds the mind, anger does.  Help, it does not.” Yoda spoke up.

“Master, I…” Han started, his tone apologetic.

“Unnecessary, this is.” Yoda didn’t listen.

Han still felt it was necessary, so he continued, “He’s right about the bounty.  But I looked into it.  It was small.  It shouldn’t have gotten any attention all the way out here.  Leastwise any guild attention.”

Chewy growled and placed a hand on Han’s back.  “Rrrrrrgrrrrrrraaaaaaah.”

“Correct, he is.  Your fault, another’s greed is not.”  Yoda took a few steps closer.  “Know where they are being kept, we do.  Leave soon, we should.  If free them, we are going to.”

“Alright.  Chewy, if we are going to get into trouble, take the new part and install it in the gun turret.” Han didn’t look for a reply as he turned to the cockpit.  Yoda followed him and it was an unusual sight, the little Jedi making himself comfortable in the larger wookiee’s co-pilot seat.  Yoda used the Force to make levers move and push buttons.  Soon the craft was prepped and Han took off.

“Okay, there are the coordinates down there,” Han said.

“That warehouse, yes, that’s it.” Yoda said.

“Okay, Chewy and I are going to go in.  You stay here and keep this ship running.  When we leave, I have a feeling we’re going to need to make a quick getaway.”

Yoda shook his head. “Unfasten force cuffs, you are going to?”

“I’ll find one of his men and get him to do it.   I don’t plan on asking nicely.”  Han said in a low voice.  Then he turned his head and shouted, “Chewy, go get the big toys.”

Yoda shook his head.  “Looked for, your assault will be.  Stealth, we’ll need.”

“Stealth.  Not when you have the bigger guns.” Han said.

Whack!  Yoda’s stick came down on Han’s knees.  “Always a bigger fish, there is.”

“Oww!”  Han rubbed his knees.  He imagined for a second what it must be like for Leia, to listen to his prattle as wisdom every day.  ‘That must be what being a Jedi is like.  Sore knees…’

“Come, I will.”  Yoda continued.

“Wait.  I have an idea,” Han said.  Han leaned forward to whisper his plan to the Jedi Master.  Yoda absorbed his thoughts with critical eyes.

“Work, that might.  But training you will need.”

Han rolled his eyes, “Yeah, I was afraid of that.  Hold on, this gives me the chance to try out this new toy too.”  Han reached up to grab the golden dice he kept in his cockpit.  Attached to the golden dice was a single button remote, that when pressed, would start up the Falcon’s engines from anywhere and prep her for flight.  This would make it a simple matter of running on board and jumping into the pilot chair to take off.  Necessary if they were to make a quick run for it.

When Anakin gave him the engine startup remote it had a silver ring attached to it, which puzzled them all.

“What’s that for?” Luke had asked his father.

“Oh, that.  I found it in the restoration center.  They were going to throw it away, but I thought, maybe he could stick some metal keys on it or something,”  Anakin answered.

“Keys!  Who keeps metal keys anymore, Dad?” Luke had found that idea preposterous.  But Han thanked him anyway.

He did find something to put at the end of the remote.  Those gold dice weren’t keys, but they did open up a whole new world to him.  They were what won him the Falcon, and he found them the perfect attachment...

[wesavegotham]

Okay... *sigh*

Time to talk about this I guess.

It's no secret that I have been unhappy with what DC has been doing with Damian for a long time now, but I'm beginning to wonder if all the new information we got over the last week finally managed to break me. Because despite all my complaining there was still this slim ray of hope inside of me, that I was just too much of a pessimist and things wouldn't turn out so bad. I'm not sure if that slim ray of hope is still alive.

I know people don't like it when people tell them "I told you so" but from the moment Glass took over Teen Titans and made Damian build his secret prison I was pretty certain this storyline would end with Bruce confronting Damian and Damian losing the Robin mantle, probably in the most dishonorable way possible. And suprise, suprise, look where we ended up.

We know from Glass that Damian will lose the Robin mantle and that it was editorially mandated:

That means that regressing Damian's character back to the state he was in when he was introduced is not just on Glass, it's what editorial wants.

We know from Tynion that Damian won't be part of the biggest bat-family event we had in years because of what happens in Teen Titans:

It's also worth noting that in DC's original schedule the annual where Damian gets fired was supposed to take place after Teen Titans #41, meaning the confrontation between Bruce and Damian only would have been about Damian's secret prison and the mind wiping of criminals. With the added time from the coronavirus lockdown however DC decided to adjust their plans and make things worse.

The annual was pushed back and now takes place after Teen Titans #44, allowing DC to insert an arc where Damian is set to lose the last bit of his previous characters developemnt he still had left, which was his refusal to kill. Now Damian is set to hunt after criminals to "make them pay the ultimate price" for two issues in Teen Titans #43 and #44 before Bruce confronts him in the annual and Damian loses his mantle.

Damian's intent to kill for no discernible reason already became clear at the end of last issue, meaning there probably won't even be a further explanation for why Damian wants to start killing again:

The issue also acted as if Damian was the only one to blame for the mind wiping of criminals even though that wasn't actually the case when that plot was introduced. Damian didn't use Djinn to do it, he didn't even manipulate her into helping him with it, she did it willingly. This underlines that DC is commited to painting Damian as the sole bad guy in this story even if it means retconning parts of the book before it's even finished.

I've been waiting for two years for DC to magically turn this around and not throw Damian under the bus to kick him out of his role in the most ugly way possible. I was disappointed over and over again and at this point I have no trust left.

Tynion saying they have "big, big plans" for Damian means nothing. DC always claims to have "big, big plans" for their characters, when has this promise actually payed off in the last few years?

Any Wally West or Dick Grayson fans out there who feel like DC's "big plans" for them were worth making them a killer or shooting them in the head? I don't think so.

The total lack of care put into Damian's descent into darkness, the way Damian leaving his father's side in 2018 absolutely failed to have any impact in Batman stories and the trashing of all the stories that tried to develope Damian's character since 2006 are all reasons I don't trust DC's "big plan" to be worth a damn.

I see no reason to be optimistic about this. I have no reason to trust DC with their "plans" when their current one involves pissing all over Damian's character for no reason.

I'm just tired of this.

[everafterkeiji]

Song: Squeeze by Fifth Harmony

Summary: When Shoto finds the safest place to be in was your arms.

Pairing: Shoto Todoroki x fem! reader

Genre: fluff

Warnings: slight mentions of his past, twinkle of angst

Quirk: Telepathy and telekinesis

A/N: Hi second imagineee, feedback/reactions will be very appreciated!!

End of the night, looking at me, what do you see?

Wish I could read your mind

All this powerful man craved was touch. A touch that can ease his mind. Ease his guarded heart. He was well known as Endeavors masterpiece but behind closed doors was less than a work of art as people visualized it. He was trained for years not even having the chance to live his youth with such joy and happy memories. Growing up he was restricted from talking to any kid that came his way, his father looking down on every child that wanted to become friends with his son thinking that no one can ever be enough for his Shouto. Shouto was above everyone else and Endeavor made sure to remind him that throughout the years.

When the incident of his scar came, he didn't hesitate to escape the house he lived in. No sibling could have ever prepared for that moment that changed his life.

Dimming the light, here in the dark, going by feel

Only the moon to guide

As he ran with tears in his eyes, he tripped on a rock making his knee scrape the ground leaving an ugly wound to it. The rain poured, even the skies cried for the poor boy who only wished to be normal and to be loved. Shouto hugs his knee letting his sobs echo through the empty street.

Rain stopped pouring over his head and he looks up with hurt eyes. His bi colored eyes land on a girl in a yellow rain coat hovering an umbrella over the two of them.

"You look really cool. Whatcha doing here? Mama says raining gets you sick." He sniffles as he looks at the girl with e/c eyes. Her head tilted as she wonders about the random boy. She looks at the boy who was hugging his knees when she finds an unpleasant wound on his knee. Her eyes widened as she grabs his hand dragging them to a corner where rain couldn't reach them. He was being dragged by a rather cute stranger and he had no choice but to follow her because he was lost in the thought of a girl holding his hand.

"You hurt ya self. What's the your name?" She asks removing the raincoat exposing her beautiful hair. He wiped his eyes turning around, scared that this interaction would cause him a consequence from his father.

"Stop talking to me, n-no one likes me. Go away." He says with sadness. He stands up with his head hung low. He was scared of talking to her. He hasn't interacted with anyone who sounded like an angel. He starts to walk away when the girl ran up to him, surrounding him in a hug. His eyes widened, his arms frozen, time suddenly stopping as he was focused on the tiny girl that was hugging him.

W-what is this feeling? A h-hug?

"Mama says when someone is hurt we should give them a big ole hug! I hope this makes you feel better! Mama always does this to me!" She cheers continuing to hug him. He sobs in her shoulder finally allowing his arms to reciprocate her embrace. They sit on the floor. To her it meant nothing, just a girl comforting a boy who was sad. To him, it was everything. Finally someone comforted him and she didn't push him away or scold him for crying. She was hugging him. Letting him know that crying wasn't weak like his father told him.

"I really think you look cool, pretty boy. I like your hair. Oh and your eyes! How did you make them like that?" He laughs at her questions wiping away his tears as he pulls away from the hug. She touches his hair and squeals at how cool the colors were and he softly smiles at her.

"What's your quirk? Can you change colors?" She asks with a lifted brow and he shakes his head no. She tilts her head at his movement looking at the cool boy with her curious eyes.

"No. My quirk is ice and fire. My dad says I shouldn't use it outside though." He pouts but she shakes her head. She grabs her by the shoulder looking at him with her big eyes.

"THAT'S. SO. COOL. Can you show me? Pleaseee?" With every word she shakes him as his face showed his shock with tight lips and wide eyes. He sees her pouting and sighs before removing her hands on his shoulder as he raises his left hand emitting a small flame from his palm. He touches the ground softly with his right hand making the ground frozen. She lets out a gasp as she rapidly claps her hands.

"YOU'RE SO COOL!" He smiles shyly at her.

"What's your quirk then?" He asks while she opened her mouth, his arm was harshly pulled. He was faced with an angry Endeavor.

"Father-"

"You! Get away from my son! A weakling like you should never come near him again. Shoto, come with me this instant." He says and you gather your raincoat, glaring at the man who hovered over you. Shoto looks at you, hoping this wasn't your last meeting.

"Please father-"

"NO! You are coming home leaving this rat. She doesn't deserve you, Shoto. Let's go." He says and as he drags his son who was trashing around desperately trying to reach the girl.

"Don't worry cool boy! I hope I helped! We'll play soon!" She screams, waving at him happily and this brings a slight smile onto his face. The words of his father blurring out as he was focused on the girl that brought him happiness from a single embrace.

I didn't even get her name.

Now that he's in UA being praised by his peers, his mind still lingers on the girl that made him feel safe. He wished he could've gotten her name, just something to remind him that she made him feel that way even if she was a stranger.

He sits at the back while he admires the girl that was laughing at Denkis English accent. He swears she was familiar. Mina leans her head on the sweet girl while she continues to laugh at Kaminaris poor attempt to flirt with her. Y/N turns to Shoto who already had his eyes on you. You simply blush at it but chose to look away ignoring the butterflies that surrounded your mind.

Despite him being a friend of yours, you couldn't hide the feeling of your heart when he walks by. Avoiding to sit beside him whenever you had lunch, scared to let him see your flustered cheeks. He always asked you if he wanted to half with his soba, noticing it was his favorite you decided to say no every time. Your friendship began when the annual Sports Festival came when you managed to land a battle against Bakugo. You and the hot headed were friends since you hang around Kaminari. But he didn't back down, even if he was fighting a friend. In the end, he won. But he regretted seeing your passed out state. Todorokis hands form a ball as he leaves his seat rushing to go to Bakugo.

"How could you do that to her?" Todoroki asks him as Bakugo rolls his eyes.

"What does it matter to you half and half? It's a battle. I had to win. " Todoroki glares at the blonde in front of him.

"I'm her friend too, shit head. You think I don't feel like shit seeing her like that." Todoroki rolls his eyes.

"Some friend you are then, Bakugo." He spat but Bakugo only shakes his head with a sly smirk on his face.

"And you're one protective ass boyfriend." Todorokis cheek warms at the thought but before he could defend himself the door creaks open to you sleepily rubbing your eyes with bandages.

"K-katsuki.. Todoroki?" You saw the two of them while Todoroki rushes to your side.

"Hey are you okay?" Todorokis tone softens as he sees you covered in bandages. You nod at him before looking over at Bakugo.

"You did good their, dumbass. You're boyf-" Todorokis eyes widen as he closes the door leaving a chuckling Bakugo behind.

"What was that?" You ask tilting your head as he stops in his motions. He takes in your expressions and his brows furrowed at the similarity.

Where do I remember that from?

"Expect nothing but nonsense from him."

He didn't mean to protective then but he couldn't hide the similarities of the young girl to you. You mirrored an angel in disguise in his eyes. He sees how you enjoy protecting people giving them your perfect smile. He only wished that it was you so it made sense to him when he started to like you. Once he's gotten all the pieces together, he could never let you go again.

And you wished the opposite.

The minute you saw his hair when he entered Class 1A. You knew it was him, the boy you had comforted when his father took him away before you can even get his name. He had grown into a handsome and powerful man, much reserved and guarded now. He also took in your presence but you hoped he wouldn't recognize you. You hoped that you were a forgotten memory. When you were a child you came back to where you had met the boy telling you're parents that you two were gonna play again. After a week of his disappearance you were broken at the thought of the cool boy never meeting you again.

But now you two were in the same room everyday.

Even after school.

There were moments when you would visit his room along with the others for a study. You would be the one to be left behind still answering a few questions you skipped, anxious to ask him a bunch of questions when him and the others were already finished.

"You sure you really don't need my help?" He asks with a chuckle seeing your stressed state as you just twirl the pencil in mid air, your focus long gone.

"I just couldn't catch up with you guys, I understand it- I really do. You guys are just too fast and I barely understood half of the things you said with the way Izuku kept rambling the equation." He laughs before getting behind you, his chest pressed against your back as he grabs the pencil you were toying with before pointing the pencil at the equation you've avoided. Your breath hitched at how nonchalant he was being this near to you.

When we're alone, I get so close

Give me your warmth I've never known

"I understand the Midoriya part, he was very confusing but I will help you." You couldn't even understand half of what he said while his head peaked on your left side, cheek to cheek with yours. Your telekinesis loosing control as some of his pencils were circling behind you two, your eyes wide and your stance tense. Your cheeks flushed red when he turns to look at you. Your heart literally screaming, beating so fast.

"I really hope you're not searching for the answer on my face. Oh well is there anything on my face? You've been staring at me for a while." He says monotone but his bluntness only brought you more trouble when he noticed you staring.

Please help me. You thought.

"N-no really there's nothing there you're just really pretty- t-the uh equation is pretty hard sorry I just keep getting distracted-" He laughs at you before pulling away from where he was positioned earning you the time to breathe.

"Now you do sound like Midoriya. Why don't you head back to your dorm? I'm happy to continue this equation if you're having a tough time with it." You shook you're head trying to reach the paper in his hand but he only lifts it higher considering he was way taller than you. You roll your eyes at his tease but he only smiles more.

"Please, I'm volunteering. Get back to your room and sleep well. I'm not asking for anything in return. "

"But-"

"Quiet, Y/N. It's really okay." You sigh in defeat as you step back. "Fine, thank you Shoto. Good night and you sleep well too. " You say to him and he gives you a nod.

"Goodnight, Y/N." As you close his door, you nearly couldn't walk back to your room at how nervous you are. Still in tact with your quirk as his pencils, pens, and notebooks were all in mid air twirling continuously. As he takes a sit to finish your equation, he jumped slightly at the sound of things falling beside him pressing his foot to the floor freezing it. His eyes widened at his stationary were all laid out on the floor, silently thanking that it wasn't some sort of bomb.

The moment he realized he needed you close to him was when the training camp incident began. Scared of the thought of you getting hurt without his protection. He knew this wasn't because he was your friend, he wanted to be more than your friend. At that moment, love blossomed in his heart thawing the ice that protected it.

When training camp began, none of you expected to be ambushed by villains. There you were seperated from him when blue flames surround the area. Villains came and attacked the students. As you were running to reach the building you were faced with Toga as she gives you a wave.

"My! You're so pretty~ I would love to borrow that sweet face of yours. Seems like I can't be your friend, deal with her for a while." Toga scurries away when your back came in contact with a Nomu. You ran away as he chased after you, you flew before removing a few trees and send their way to the Nomu. You're eyes glowing purple with the use of your quirk as you flew to the others helping them while gathering rocks and wood to be your weapons.

Shoto can see you from above as you gathered countless of rocks. He watches you as you raised your hand with a scream when you threw all of them to the villains that circled the Pussy Cats. Your purple aura circling around you like a fire but what you didn't notice was a man with a hand out directed to you shooting blue flames in your way sending you off, screaming at how painful the flames were as they touch your skin.

"Y/N!" Todoroki screams trying to run to the direction you flew off but he was stopped by Midoriya.

"Todoroki-san we have to save Kacchan. Y/N-chan can handle herself." Todoroki only agreed knowing Midoriya was right.

When Dabi had his hands on Bakugos neck, you flew heading straight for Bakugo but he disappeared before your eyes. Your eyes glowing more than usual as you sunk down to your knees feeling helpless that you couldn't save him.

When you turn around to see Todoroki who you have yet to seen for the entire night and you flew to him wrapping your arms around him as he quickly reciprocated your sweet embrace. You gripped his shirt, feeling overwhelmed to see the boy safe. Your mind easing at the sight of him without any wounds.

Face to face, caught in a wild embrace

"You're okay.." he whispers, thanking the stars she was safe and sound. Hugging her tighter before tears dampened his shirt.

"I c-couldn't save him-" You tried to reason but he only shushes you before you can say anything else.

"I know, I know but what matters right now is that you're safe here with me."

Since then his goal changed from being a hero to being your boyfriend who can always protect you. You also became more open with him as you come by his room whenever nightmares would surface and you did the same whenever he was at rage with his father.

Only you know how to save me

Now, you're all sat in the common room watching TV while you flew around trying to escape Bakugos wrath. Meanwhile, Kirishima was mindlessly switching channels he stops when he sees Endeavor and Hawks on the TV.

"I didn't know Endeavor and Hawks were friends- SHIT A NOMU! " Kirishima shouts averting everyone's attention to the TV. Shoto came running to watch. As the battle began, you bit your lip with worry as you watch his expressions. You didn't get want to use your telepathy to see what he was thinking, knowing you'd be pushing some boundaries if you do so. Everyone was tenses and cheering for Endeavor. When Endeavor was shut down you can feel his heart ache. Everyone else turned to him but soon came to turn back to the TV.

For the past minutes, all you could feel was how his heart was breaking with every blow his father receives but when his father raises a fist to the air while Todoroki falls to his knees, panting and sweating. Everyone was commanded to give him some space. He runs to his room, closing the door with a slam, his heavy breathing surrounding the room. Covering his face in his hands as he tried to calm his self.

You flew right to his room ignoring the screams from the others to let him have his space knowing that Todoroki needed more than space and silence. You opened the door to see him in his bed, knees to his chest as you hears his sobs. You immediately wrap your arms around him, running your hands through his split colored hair that you fell in love with. You used your telepathy to avoid him from replaying the moments in his mind.

Put your arms around me, baby

"It's okay, Sho. I'm here we're all safe. He's safe and he did amazing. You don't need to worry, I got you." He hugs you tighter as you comfort him caressing his back. You pressed a kiss to his hair. He hugged you tight, finding your arms to be his safe zone and he never wanted anything more than to be held by you all the time.

And squeeze

"Breathe for me okay?" He nods before leaning his head on your shoulder, closing his eyes taking in your words.

Remember the night talking to me

Saying the words I wanna hear the most

He was reminded of the angel that fell on his path when he was a kid but now his breathing calming down knowing the same angel that saved him before was here in his arms.

"Its always been you, Y/N." He says pulling away from your embrace as he places a hand on your cheek before pressing his forehead to yours making both of your cheeks flushed red.

"That night- when I was a kid. It was you. I found you." He says and you smile at his words.

"I found you too, pretty boy." He smiles at the nickname before pressing his lips to yours. You smile before kissing back your hand finding its way to his cheek pulling him closer. The stars were more than happy to see you two finally found each other. You both pull away as you look at each other. He hugs you again smiling to himself and you embraced him with all the love you had for him. With his heart happy and filled with love finally finding the girl meant for him he only thought to himself.

I've found my home.