#this in no way changes her intensity
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smooth, seb 👍 ((redraw of this scene from the goblet of fire))
#i changed it from 'looking' to 'staring' tho bc 'looking' wasnt intense enough for sebs vibes LMFAO#also i originally didnt draw clora with her hairclip since this is before theyre together obviously#but then i decided this could be after he gives it to her/confesses and during the time shes nervously avoiding him LOL#i put way too much consideration into when this scene redraw could canonically fit into my own canon LMAO#need to draw more pining seb before they get together tho I LOVE ITTTTT.... seb being flustered and desperate is just 😩🤌#hogwarts legacy#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow x oc#sebastian sallow x mc#ominis gaunt#anne sallow#clora clemons#sebastian x mc#samantha dale#choccyart#clora and cho both being in ravenclaw and having alliteration names that start with C🤝🤝🤝#love the random girl on the left idk who she is or if shes even friends with clora but she just wants the tea and girl same
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somewhere up above the stars the wreckage of a Universe floats past
an AU ancient lonely god Steven I have. his moniker is Astra and I am obsessed with him right now.
#his Most Basic Deal is that he is a steven who actually took the diamonds up on their offer of the throne in the movie#believing it to be the best way for him to enact lasting change and help fellow gems#and he Does! but the job pulls him away from humanity over time- and not only that but he Also suffers a horrible loss#when his connie dies in a freak incident and he's not around on Earth at the time to be able to resurrect her#he never works through the stuff he does in SUF and he also just Stops Aging at a certain point... entirely unshackled from his humanity#billions of years of guardianship over his dimension later he is still a Soft and Kind and Benevolent soul#just... intensely lonely. yearning for connection but terrified of actually being vulnerable again#desperate to find a means to feel Human again but too terrified of the idea of meeting his end without someone to share it With#if i'm quiet on tumblr lately this is bc This Guy is all i can think about rn so sorry#my sad mans....#su#su future#steven universe#su fanart#my art stuff
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It still amazes me the number of people who see the juxtaposition between Nami and Usopp during Wano and their fight against Ulti as "Nami's devotion to Luffy is unmatched, unlike Usopp's" when she isn't able to say he won't be the king of the pirates but Usopp is telling her to lie.
I think most people don't have in mind, either, that Usopp isn't the one being directly asked. He is looking out for Nami and begging her to lie to keep her alive because he is scared to death they might lose her for something as insignificant as lying. For him, lying is a form of survival and it is not that big of a deal because he trusts Luffy enough to tell Nami to lie about her feelings. It is something that will only stay between them because he knows it is better to lie than to die and Luffy would want it that way too.
And that doesn't mean he isn't loyal to Luffy or his dream. He is just looking out for Nami's safety. And as I said-- He isn't being asked directly, either. It is easier to tell others to lie about something of the sort than to do it yourself, and if the roles were reversed I personally think he'd have the most awful of times with it too.
Nami refuses to say Luffy won't become the king of the pirates because for her, even if lying has gotten her out of messes, she puts her trust and loyalty in Luffy before her own instincts of survival because lying is what got her to push them away when they first met and this is the one thing she can't lie about because it would hurt more than death.
Then again, I think she would do the same exact thing Usopp did if she wasn't being the one asked. It is the whole point of the scene, actually. They both know the most rational thing is to lie so the one witnessing the scene will always be cold-headed about it, but the one having to lie is the one suffering the bitter realization of how lying about this and saying it out loud is way harder than it seems from an outsider's perspective.
So I am tired of seeing people criticizing Usopp for his decision during the fight against Ulti as if it were that easy for him to see Nami being about to get killed if she doesn't lie. Sorry for the guy to actually want to protect the people he loves instead of letting her be reckless and basically kill herself freely for telling a truth even Luffy would tell her to lie about if it meant living.
#i am very intense about this scene actually#and usopp haters are so annoying when it comes to this#as if nami wouldn't have done the same if the roles were reversed#they're often on the same page when it comes to survival except for this one time and i think it's because they're not on the same situatio#and also i think nami has a harder time verbalizing these things because she is very vocal abt her trust in luffy#but usopp's trust in luffy is something they know for a fact and he knows that lying wouldn't change that#but i think too that he would've done the same as nami in her situation#and even if he hadn't. he is way more logical when it comes to these things than her#nami makes her beliefs visible and loud while usopp keeps them to himself mostly and i think she needs to say it out loud for it to be real#while for usopp lying is just surface level of believing in something when he trusts his own feelings enough#YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN??? i am not crazy#anyway usopp haters i don't like you you're the weakest link and nami would hate you#one piece#usopp#cat burglar nami#wano arc
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I don't feel loved
#:(#like really it's a terrible thing to feel but it's not as much as i am giving and it makes me feel so bad#i am not loved enough and to think that this torment would continue always makes me shut my heart and don't start for anyone#it's so pathetic but i can't help it because i don't get it as intense as i am giving and it's always that never scratching even the surface#i think about her alot but she doesn't thinks of me#i try to make him happy but it's never enough#i try to keep myself sane but i sound like a child begging to be taken along and it ain't working for me#I don't think love should be difficult or unnatural#it should definitely come in my way because i deserve it like anyone else#i should feel loved and i hope i do and i hope it changes#to wake up one day and not feel terrible or to just hope for a home where i am loved and cherished#where my love is celebrated and people don't just tolerate it#i want all those pretty giddy feeling for myself#not sorry for rambling because it's my blog !#desiblr#being desi#desi tag#anxiety#sadgirl#love#tw depressing thoughts#tw mental health
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I had tried watching the first episode of Candela a couple of times and was never able to finish it but I'm so glad I finally push through cause the next 2 episodes are great and the pacing gets so much better.
Now I'm almost done with the Needle and Thread chapter and HOLY SHIT, I think it's tied with Calamity as the most amazing thing I've ever watched.
I am also in love with Zehra now
#I know I'm so late#critical role#candela obscura#all the characters are amazing but dr Jinnah stole my heart#I love her#and the way Zehra describes her actions and feelings are incredible#And the acting jesus christ#that conversation between jean and marion at the end of ep 2 changed my brain chemistry#I also love that Luis just can't help but make the most intense character everytime he's on CR
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I think the reason beckory works well is that tony has a habit of getting self righteous and in his own head about things but Gregory isnt afraid to tell him off or call him out about things. the point of tony in ggy is that nobody ever told him that how hes treating other people isnt good, so that's why he got so bad. but tony would be close to Gregory and have every rational reason in the world to listen to Gregory so when he would say something like "you're treating ellis badly and that's not what a good friend does, you need to do better" hed actually listen and take it into account and improve himself
#everyone in ggy is oblivious but gregory wouldnt be#hed be used to flawed people by being family with vanessa and freddy and best friends with cassie#and in turn tony#so when tony showcases traits of being flawed he cares about him and can look past them bc he knows tony is a good person#but he also keeps him in check when he goes too far#gregory who would fight someone so intensely he would be put in the hospital if someone insulted cassie:#tony you shouldnt resent ellis and say hes annoying just because he doesnt know all about this journalist from the 1920s#i think the concept of Gregory trying to be normal and live a normal life with 3 star fam and actively having to make it happen#is interesting#bc i feel like tony is so abnormal and has become disconnected from reality especially in a scenario where he lives after the ggy attack#that interacting wiht gregory whos so strange and interesting and mysterious but also has both feet rooted in the present and reality#would do him a lot of good#just make him finally take a step back and see the bigger picture and take a chill pill#also its ironic bc gregory is secretly in his head trying soo hard to be normal and do normal things#and it appears so effortless to Tony that it literally fixes him#i love thinking gregory and others relationships as Gregory not really doing anything but he still affects ppl so heavily#like gregory just existing and freddy developing a soul and sentience and finding a will to live and a purpose after dropping lead singer#gregory almost accidentally saving vanessa and just existing in her life being someone she wants to live for#giving her the motivation to get back up and eventually allowing her to heal enough to want to enjoy life by herself#Gregory doing nothing but being cassies friend and it changes her after a lifetime of abandonment#to the point where it makes her happy and fufilled and brings out the determination and bravery in her#and finally gregory with tony where him just being in tonys life not trying hard to help him out and change his way of seeing life#actually does the most to change his life and shows him that he can view things differently and that now#he finds that he WANTS to#pandas.txt#3 star fam#beckory#superstar duo#gregory#tony
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I have a question about some of your Salem thoughts
If Salem is 110% certain that she can take down the Gods (assuming that's her goal since we don't actually know), why wouldn't she communicate her plan to Oz? Especially if she truly doesn't want anyone to die like you say. Oz would jump at the bit if Salem said "Hey I want to stop fighting" since that would mean their shadow war would stop. I really don't think Oz likes the Gods either, and even if he's afraid of them, if *Salem* is that confident she can stop them (she's far from an idiot), I'm sure he'd at least hear her out (which would tell Salem a LOT).
If she's that confident and truly doesn't want to fight, why wouldn't she tell Oz her new plan? And why would she kickstart her plan by attacking the kingdoms/Academies? Surely she could find a way to steal the Relics without flat out attacking them (like sending in double agents to take the Maiden powers)? Like... she would've known she'd get people killed, including children and innocent people. Even if she did damage control (which I think is just strategic, why bother going after people if she's focusing on the Relics? She's not gonna waste precious time and resources), she surely knew people would get caught in the crossfire.
Don't get me wrong, I like what you bring to the table!! Your posts are thought provoking and unique. But I can't see Salem being somehow secretly good. I don't think the show is setting her up that way, and I think she's a fantastic villain, so from my own perspective, doing that kind of twist would be a disservice to her character. I don't think she's inhuman or a complete and total monster who should go, but she's definitely not a good person especially if she can't communicate that she supposedly doesn't want people dead. She seems to be an "the ends justify the means" kind of person, and the show I think has stated that that isn't a good mindset i.e. Ironwood.
Sorry, I rambled and completely strayed from my point 😅 I don't mean to be mean if I come across that way. I hope my ask is interesting or thought provoking though :P
my position is that salem is right, not that she’s secretly good—that is an important distinction. i think she sees the gods clearly for what they are, thinks the divine ultimatum repulsive and unjust, wants remnant to be free, and believes that humanity is transcendent over their creators; she also, quite plainly, does not have any compunction about doing whatever it takes to achieve her ends and while i do think she is still fully capable of and driven by love, she is so TERRIFIED of being hurt again and so CERTAIN that no one could ever care for her that when she does care for someone else it comes out in very, very twisted and often cruel ways. she’s not good, she’s not nice, she’s just right.
equally the heroes are good but not right, because they have yet to really grapple with the premise of the divine mandate (that humanity as it exists right now does not deserve to exist) or their own role in upholding it (their immediate goal is survival, but when they envision the ending of this war they imagine salem driven back and the relics squirreled away again in hope of at best everlasting stalemate). the point of structuring the narrative this way is that neither side can get to the proverbial good ending alone; they need to work together, salem’s ends with the heroes’ means.
like. she’s evil. lol. that’s not in question and i think it goes without saying that she is doing evil things so i don’t feel the need to make a “but she’s still evil though” disclaimer every time i try to tease out what’s going on in her head. notice how my reaction to salem razing vale was OH GLINDA LAYS SIEGE TO THE EMERALD CITY, WE’RE REALLY IN IT NOW and not, like, shock or dismay that salem would do such a terrible thing. brgdfjs
(i DO think she has mostly been trying to avoid ozma and not reciprocating the shadow crusade against her prior to about fourteen years ago and that she isn’t about wanton destruction or killing for the sake of it; and in that sense i think she’s not as bad as the general fanon reading. but that comes with the territory of thinking she has actual reasons for doing what she does as opposed to being, like, a genocidal lunatic.)
anyway. to your questions. the short answer is she’s just as scared of oz as he is of her.
“but he’s the good one!”—think about this from her perspective for a minute. set aside your opinion of her and oz, presuppose for the moment that i’m correct on her motivations, and consider what everything ozma’s done in the last few thousand years looks like to her.
she knows that the gods were monsters. she witnessed them slaughtering the whole world and she saw how little it mattered to them after. she was alone for millions of years, and then hated and feared for thousands of years because she didn’t look human. all that suffering because the gods are punishing her for praying to them. yes?
then ozma returns to her, somehow. he doesn’t explain how or why—maybe he tells her he just doesn’t know—but that’s alright. what matters is that he’s here. he asks what happened to her, and she tells him the truth: the gods ended the world. cursed her. killed everyone. she was alone for so long. (maybe not the whole truth: there are things she’s afraid to say, because the gods did it all to punish her, and it’s her fault, and she’s so scared that he’d despise her if he knew everything. the only reason for her to fear ozma would reject her is if she blamed herself. you don’t hide things out of shame if you don’t feel ashamed of them.)
they learn each other again. fall in love all over again. things are finally okay. they fix up her house. they’re happy together. one day ozma tells her that he’s worried about how divided people are. she wants so badly to make him happy; she would move mountains for him. salem herself has no interest in ruling over people as a god—if she did, she wouldn’t have been living alone in a rotting shack in the middle of nowhere—all that enthusiasm is for him. to support what he wants.
they build a following, found a prosperous kingdom, start a family. four children! how long do you think they were married—ten years? twenty? and the whole time, the whole time, ozma was keeping these secrets from her. that the god of light, who’d condemned her to eternal suffering for praying to his brother, who’d shown utter indifference to the deaths of millions, had sent him back to redeem humanity FROM HER SINS, from what SALEM did. that the point of all this is cleansing humankind of her defiance and inviting THAT MONSTER to remnant to judge whether this world deserved to be subjugated under the brothers’ tyranny again or else be put to death.
imagine how she must have felt when ozma finally told her the truth, knowing that the first thing she told him was that the gods ended the last one. imagine the sickening realization that their whole marriage is built on a lie, because she would never, ever, ever have agreed to help him unite the world if she had known what he sought to unite them for, and ozma knew she never would. that he deceived her! manipulated her into serving the will of a god she knows to be a monster!
and even then—even to the very end—she loved him enough to try. she was willing to forgive all of that and figure out a way to move past it together, and the only thing she asked was that he walk away from his task of submitting this world to the judgment of THAT MONSTER. and he wouldn’t do it.
there’s a gap we don’t get to see, in between ozma backing away from her and salem catching him leaving with the girls, but we can infer that ozma walked out of that room and salem didn’t. imagine how she felt. ten years, twenty years, however long it was, and he was lying to her through it all, and he left her with hardly a moment’s hesitation when she refused to help him enact THAT MONSTER’S retribution against herself. because that is, ultimately, what this is all about; humanity is found guilty by association with her.
imagine how she felt. used. worthless. duped. like a fool for ever trusting him. did he ever love her at all, or was that a lie, too?
when she caught him in the hallway later that night, they both attack each other in the same instant. ozma remembers her attacking him first, but their volleys meet in perfect symmetry and right before salem throws her first bolt of magic, her eyes flicker down in surprise as she tracks the motion of his staff (which we see in the previous shot)—salem remembers him attacking her first.
because they were both so tense and scared and angry at each other that they snapped in exactly the same moment.
their battle is so intense they blow up the castle, and when the smoke clears, salem is a pile of ash. ash! he incinerated her! imagine how enraged you have to be to burn someone to ash. that level of fury, of absolute hatred of her, is literally burnt into her memory as the last thing he did to her before she managed to kill him, inextricably twisted around the guilt and unbearable grief she feels for her children.
he’s dedicated all but a handful of his lives since then to getting rid of her. finding a way to destroy her. (how far is he willing to go? what would happen if salem tried to move on, find community and solace somewhere far away from him? would he come after her? would he follow his god’s example and go after the people she cared about to punish her? is she willing to risk that he might?)
do you think salem understands why ozma did any of this? she doesn’t. she doesn’t get the luxury we do of jinn narrating his side of the story and showing us the anguish he felt, wanting so desperately to be with salem but eaten alive by terror of dooming the world for his happiness. she doesn’t know.
all she knows is how he treated her: the secrets, the deception, the manipulation, the immediate and absolute rejection when she told him no, the explosively violent anger at the end, then centuries upon centuries systematically erasing her from history and enforcing her exile whilst searching for the relics he needs to summon his god for the final judgment. which she knows will inevitably end in the annihilation of the whole world and yet more torture for her with no hope of reprieve, because if all of this was not enough to satisfy the god of light’s grudge against her for, again, just praying to his brother, nothing ever will.
salem feels about ozma now the way blake felt about adam. why did he lie to her, why did he use her, why does he keep coming back, why won’t he just LEAVE HER ALONE, hasn’t she suffered enough, hasn’t she been punished enough, when will it be enough—and intertwined with that, she is being EATEN ALIVE by the conviction that no one could ever truly care about her or feel for her or want to help her or think that she deserves help or even just see her as a person, because if ozma—ozma, the one who saved her from her father’s tower, who knew her and loved her before all of this happened—if ozma thought her so worthless that he would rather serve a god who ended the last world and promises to condemn this one too than suffer her to exist at all in this world, why the fuck would anyone else be any different?
thousands of years later, she still flies off the handle when anyone lies to her. (except cinder. but cinder is always the exception, to every rule.) there’s a reason she recruits the kind of people she does—desperate, broken, angry people starving for something she can promise to give them if they make themselves useful to her—and it’s because she does not believe that she can get anything better than strictly transactional relationships with people who have literally nothing and nowhere else to turn. and when she actually cares about someone? she fights herself tooth and claw over it because she desperately doesn’t want to open herself up to more heartbreak. look at how erratic and cruel she is with cinder.
it’s not rational. salem is smart and very, very tactically shrewd but she is making all of her plans and all of her choices from the assumption that she is and will always be alone in this, because she is unlovable, because she is worthless, because she is the reason this world is damned. and she’s terrified of ozma because to her everything he does suggests that his conviction and dedication to the god of light has never wavered. she cannot see his doubt. she cannot see his misery. she cannot see how much he misses her and desperately wants to make amends. all she can see is that he’s zealously guarding the relics and spreading his god’s word and training children to fight and die in the name of keeping her exiled.
why doesn’t ozma just go to her and tell her he wants to make amends? because he’s terrified she’ll never forgive him and terrified that he’ll damn the world to annihilation if he follows his heart. they’re the same. they’re exactly the same.
but this is also what makes it so possible—even easy—for salem to undergo a villain-to-hero arc, because the only thing that needs to happen is a spark of real hope. that someone, anyone, could really care about her. like. the things she says in her soliloquies about the transformative power of hope? “even the smallest spark of hope is enough to ignite change,” and “it’s true that a simple spark can ignite hope, breathe fire into the hearts of the weary…”—that’s her. one small reason to hope. that is all she needs to change.
she doesn’t want to be razing kingdoms to the ground or cutting a bloody path through children to get those relics. she is willing to do it because she truly, genuinely, from the depths of her soul believes that it’s the only way to free herself from the torture she’s been subjected to for millions of years. she’s driven to this by desperation. she won’t keep doing it if she’s given a reason to feel less desperate.
but she does need to be given a reason, first. she’s hemorrhaging. this is why the winnowing of her inner circle and the split between everyone else in vacuo versus salem + cinder + summer in vale is important; Those Two are the ones she cares about—technically we don’t know for sure regarding summer yet, but the level of trust she has for the lieutenant holding beacon is suggestive—and that being reciprocated is what ignites her hope.
#she IS a fantastic villain#but what makes her so compelling as a villain is all the contradiction and tension in her character#how deeply she loves vs her deep conviction of being unlovable. not wanting to hurt people vs believing it’s the only way to free herself.#everything she does is so intensely personal and so circumscribed by the fear of rejection#these opposing forces drive change because they are pushing and shoving against each other inside her mind and the moment of culmination#occurs when one triumphs over the other. and then she changes in what i expect will be a startlingly dramatic fashion#(that doubles as writing advice btw if you want to write dynamic character arcs put unreconcilable contradictions in your characters)
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The Rosemary Tree is the first time I've had to put down a book so I could sob over how beautiful it was.
#elizabeth goudge how do you keep doing this?#her books are such a strange thing for me#either they're 'yes it's pretty but could you please get to the point and have something happen?'#or i am slammed with waves and waves of intense overwhelming emotion so i almost can't stand how deeply it affects me#i think it helps to read it at the same time of year the story occurs#the dean's watch during advent was a life-changing experience#and now reading this book in march is having a very similar effect#i actually had to go in a room by myself to properly cry#because someone caught me tearing up#and how could i begin to explain that i'm sobbing my heart out because miss giles is reading the secret garden?#i've cried over sad moments in books but i've never felt anything like this#such intense joy and sorrow all mixed in so you can't tell which emotion is causing the tears#it's been like two hours since that happened and i'm still shook#my world is upended#and i'm being reminded in an entirely new way of what really great literature can do#the rosemary tree#elizabeth goudge
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i love the poker table and all the shit that has come from it if not because you can see exactly who's the loudest persistent bitch there and who exactly finds that endearing spoiler alert its exactly who you think it is womp womp
deeply important to me on a "whos the best and whos the worst at the table" maffhew and benny insisting forsy is the best because of his good pokerface and his consistency and even swaggy agrees that forsy is pretty good meanwhile benny cant help adding an "ekky thinks he's the best" while he's at it and swaggy has to get his two cents in as well: "and [ekblad] thinks he's pretty good."
and when forsy gets asked best and worst he decides he can't say worse and instead only lists the people he think are the good and: "ekky's pretty good actually but he's very... he's a little bit more wild so he's got some big swings."
and at first it's like oh maybe this is a benny/swaggy bullying ekky moment as they're prone to wont to do (ekky deserves it and likes it) but then forsy immediately says afterwards that c*usins is: "but i think nick c*usins. hes doing pretty good. yeah, I know, I know... we're gonna get him though."
which immediately discredits why he thinks ekky is a good player because both benny AND demers were like c*usins is the WORST at poker
and if you think oh forsy is just a carebear of a man and he cant choose the worst- NO HE DOES NOT. HE ABSOLUTELY DOES NOT BECAUSE in the same interview he has no qualms of naming lundy as the worst playoff beard (2nd year in a row btw): "its gotta be one of the finns probably... lundy" and calling out luosty for his culinary abominations: "luosty is eating—he's putting raw onions in the pasta which is... yeah thats a little... weirdo, weirdo!"
this is just forsy whos very bad at hiding his bias and will warp the world in favour of it because he'd rather die than not pick ekky for TWO whole questions (best at poker and best playoff beard)
and with primetime panthers we learned that ekkys too loud and pushy for both benny and swaggys taste that they both elected him as the worst seatmate on the team plane which is so comical that mr. im not very good at poker but I still sit with them and get shocked when ekky bounds over and wants me to play too would say such a thing huh
and the double whammy is that swaggy prefers forsys who's the complete opposite of ekky
and i just think everyone going, forsy is nice quiet and reserved in his facial expressions and ekky is loud insistent and not as good as he thinks he is, is just sooooooooooo
#forsy: “hes a wildcard (admiring)” benny and swaggy: “yeah thats what makes him bad at poker (deadpan)”#man whos hard to read thinks the guy who wears his heart on his sleeeve is hard to read#“you cant predict him” being a compliment from forsy (because hes insane) but an insult from benny and swaggy#overeager puppy who keeps yipping and the serious workdog whos in charge of babysitting them#the way i screamed to see forsy choose ekky because i knows hes a lying sack of shit#forsy and his rose tinted glasses utterly charmed by ekky is just so funny to me#hes annoying during practise yeah i cant imagine what hed be like in a small enclosed space#everyone saying the texas holdem poker compa gets intense makes this funnier because ekky is just trying his best and yet#also ekky saying okie is pretty good which matches what okie said about being about to come in and fleece the boys sometimes#but also oooooo shes different she cant let her crush know that she thinks hes good at card games#sorry yeah this just turned into forsblad as most things tend to do for me#its utterly fascinating how forsys opinion differs from everyone else because hes terribly in love#ekky seems like a not the worst but not the best either though hes fun to play with because when he loses its pretty entertaining to watch#i need to see the fits he throws i need to see how him amd maffhew banter#poker table changed so much i need to know the updated table and if anyone joined#sorry i was updating my forsblad bible of quotes so yeah
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university.. university leave me alone
#heres the situation: for my cognitive literary studies class (quite fun) we had to pick primary material and a cognitive angle to analyse it#from. and the deadline was coming up and i who have been thinking very intensely about robots for the last half a year picked#yeah you guessed it. fucking PIERS PLOWMAN. which is not fun for me but i panicked about the deadline#so now i have to do something about piers plowman and its cognitive literary properties#and im in hell this is hell i have been extremely stressed about piers plowman for a month. to the point where ive been in physical pain#AND I CANNOT. THINK OF ANYTHING. ABOUT PIERS PLOWMAN.#and the teacher for that class is so nice and chill and she was like you can pick anything at all. and i went with piers plowman#like it's interesting but from what COGNITIVE angle can i approach piers plowman.#ive been thinking about saying exactly this that piers plowman is more for historical linguists and theologists than narratologists but im#also positive plenty of scholars read piers plowman for the plot#so then i thought about the characters and whether you can Connect with them and whether they help you Immerse yourself in the story and#other terminology i learned in cognitive literary studies class.#theyre allegorical and very 1 dimensional and there could be something about whether we from 2024 understand them in the same way#people from the 14th century did. like this was what i put in my proposal when i made it#but now i actually have to make the slides and use cognitive literary papers for this and it's just not going at all. i cant do it.#i cant do anything i cant enjoy the daylight and the warmer weather i cant think about anything other than im not making progress on this#and it's bad for me!! it's bad for my health i feel bad. why did i go with piers plowman why did i not pick watership down#my post#i have plenty to say about watership downm cognitively.#also about old possums book of practical cats#maybe i could email her and tell her id like to change it.. no#ive also been reading the tombs of atuan which is incredible
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why should it just be steve who has all the torturous purgatory realm fun?
#dbd#myart#wip#quick clarification for those only familiar with the american version of ringu: sadako is 19.#anyway. I love that dbd lets me explore steve and nancy's characters outside the bullshit that the show is.#because the whole steve and nancy dynamic is Interesting. but the dustbags are plagued by cerebral hetrot so that story never GOES anywhere#it's just the “Waaaah love triangle OMG!!! will they? won't they?” crap. idk man. idc. why're these dumbasses breathing in Upside down air?#some people here have seen lucy before-- he is the ghostface pictured. and he's an OC. different person entirely from danny.#I won't explain his full lore here but-- he was a drag queen before the fog who started out by only killing those who he felt deserved it.#his entire persona satirises catholicism and he calls himself “the holy ghost” rather than ghostface. the entity made him an actual devil.#he's obsessed with steve because he LIVES his own role so he sees steve as his heroic opposite or some fucked up gay shit like that.#he's clutching kate's heart because if he were a real character in the game-- he'd have two moris.#one standard... and one for if a steve is present in the lobby. the second would involve him carving out the heart of a survivor as a gift.#he never harms steve though-- so it makes steve's penchant for self-sacrifice pointless.#steve instead has to do what he can to open the gates as fast as possible-- or watch everyone else die! :)#as for the toxic yuri-- it occurred to me that sadako's backstory bears some striking similarities to barb's story.#as soon as I realised this-- it was like I had suddenly gained the ability to see a new colour I could not see before.#sadako wanting to torment nancy as sick revenge for what happened to her but using barb's death as justification for this...#...nancy being unable to escape the ghost of barb... even in this hell dimension full of terrifying monsters--#it is still the memory of the girl she feels she “let” die in steve's pool that scares and hurts her the most.#not to mention that sadako's powers are reminiscent of how the upside down related fuckery appears...#the screwy technology. the telekinesis.#I just REALLY love seeing characters be forced to confront difficult parts of themselves even if that shit REALLY hurts.#dbd makes it so easy to do that to any given character. of course this goes both ways too-- it'd force lucy & sadako to change too.#which opens the door for torment on their end too because killers who disobey the entity are tortured into obeying.#a rock and a hard place on both ends. and that is Exactly how I like it. intense. complicated-- a puzzle to be solved.
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You know sometimes I think that the reason I stopped being on the sokai ship online is that the reasons why I think the ship is nice are so separate and different from how I see most people interpreting the characters and wanting the ship to be that it just loses all appeal to me.
#it's about vulnerability and peace to me okay#It's about sora being unwilling to leave kairi behind where she is a bit slower than the rest of the group#it's something I could absolutely project headcanons on disability on#it's about kairi signifying home and peace and stability#where sora's world became incredibly chaotic#it's about being accepted as who you are not what you can or cannot do#and sora being appreciated because of who he is beyond the keyblade#and kairi's life being valued even if she is not a big strong warrior#it's about the drama of kairi clinging to a past sora desperately wants to have again but cannot go back to#and kairi having the POTENTIAL to relate to that struggle due to her own past#it's about both having the experience of being left behind#and both being kind at heart and clinging to normalcy where they can#it's about being selfish about it too and not recognizing the ways in which the other grew#stubbornly clinging to the way they knew each other because the leap of change is scary albeit necessary in the long run#and stepping on each other's toes because of this because they don't recognize their goals and personalities shifted#that's what's yummy to me#whereas with soriku I am very aligned to fandom interpretation hence why I am waaay more intense about it here#but yeah I... don't want kairi to be a super goddess girlboss that saves sora that's not why she is appealing to me#as someone who struggles with not shining for skills and being left behind I treasure the fact that she is narratively important#and treasured by her friends - but still not super OP and the best of the best and a perfect flawless problem solver and hero#I enjoy that she is weaker and her best friend would STILL risk it all to see her safe - she is not disposable or an afterthought#and she matters because of who she is and the friendship she brings not because of what she can bring to the team of keyblade wielders#i need to find a tag for personal updates
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Me staring at test results: It makes so much sense for her, but if I don't specify or elaborate, then we end up with the fanon take. Ugh, how do I easily explain that if you look at the word 'sex' through a much more old-fashioned lens instead of the modern one, that you'll get a vastly different picture of it?
/takes angycat.png typing to my tags
#[ ooc. ] don't try to make it logical or edit your soul according to the fashion. rather; follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.#[ post-it. ] in a way; you are poetry material. you are full of cloudy subtleties I am willing to spend a lifetime figuring out.#[ i'm so tired. i need to write a post on this or something. and somehow add it to my pinned. in some way. ]#[ 'sex' and 'seduction' are /not/ wrong in my opinion. HOWEVER-- they are /very wrong/ if we go by modern labels and perception. ]#[ god the horror of writing a muse that is so interlaced in a modern world; setting and culture but seems to /ooze/ something archaic. ]#[ this level of refinement isn't of our times in my opinion. these things that she loves aren't commonly loved nowadays. ]#[ there's so much about her that is old-fashioned to me and it's so in my face. and yet fanon doesn't see it. ]#[ i can't believe i'm an old millennial who's screaming boomer or older things. ]#[ but like can we acknowledge that sex in today's age isn't the same as it used to be? not /always/ but more generally so. ]#[ can we acknowledge that /seduction/ didn't always mean what people see it to mean now? ]#[ can we acknowledge that the FEMME FETALE TROPE HAS CHANGED /LEAGUES/ since the 2000s? ]#[ which is my biggest beef actually. and maybe all of my frustration plays into this most. it's that the femme fatale now is sexualized. ]#[ while that is /not/ what the femme fatale used to be. kafka plays into the old school femme fatale so well. film noir days. ]#[ i had this same struggle on yelan where they make VERY OBVIOUS draws to it by her music in her trailer. god; the jazz. ]#[ but kafka suffers from this so very much as well to a point where i don't dare to call her a femme fatale because then it's fanon. ]#[ the fanon i hate so much. ]#[ but just uuuughhhh. UGHHH. it's so much to explain. ]
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3,4,15 for any member of team snakemouth!
...how about all three?
(for this ask game)
3. Obscure headcanon
For Kabbu, though we may have noted this before, we think that the North is quite firmly considered a patch of Deadland - and its inhabitants, as a result, tend to be very, very strange from the perspective of the rest of the world. For Kabbu, specifically, this means a variety of things, both biologically and culturally - though Northern beetles are a lot more common in Bugaria, deadlands in general come with a very high rate of mutation and a very high rate of death, and that means a high rate of superstition both in things that actively impact survival and in things that do not - as well as the simple fact that a constantly-changing set of genetics means that what a northern beetle is like is often very, very open to change.
Kabbu is an example of a burrower - a subspecies of sorts primarily identified by claws designed, very specifically, for digging. His claws grow into a sort of broad shovel shape and tend to be much sturdier than an equivalent beetle's - getting underground in moments in soft ground isn't really an exaggeration! Though he can dig through harder ground, it takes time and effort, and he can't go at it with the sheer speed of softer soil - technically, he could burrow through solid rock given enough time, but it would be both hard and extremely painful. It's a trait that's heavily prized in the North for its ability to create shelter and safety - beetles dominate the North's underground, and there's nothing that can really pose a threat to them. Tunnels are safety, and it really surprises and disorients him when things underground attack him, because back home that just kind of doesn't happen unless it's Another Beetle specifically targeting you.
In terms of more social things, he has a lot of trouble getting used to the concept of mimics. This is mostly due to the fact that mimics as a whole don't really... exist in the north, at least not in the means of gaining benefit from mimicking anything else. If you can talk to them as any other awakened bug, they're usually exactly what they say they are, and species mimicking normal geological features and plants haven't found any success, unless you're willing to get extremely generous with describing the snow-bank camouflage of a Northern Silk Moth's topcoat.
Though sand wasps or "white bees" still exist, the thing they're mimicking no longer exists in the same area. Any Hive that once was in the North is long dead, overly-large groups of bugs tend to die out quickly thanks to the handful of large predators that may decide the benefits outweigh the consequences when enough tasty beetles gather in the same place, and when the enemy you're dealing with is both too heavily armoured to be really deterred by most weaponry and capable and intelligent enough to stalk your group through the snow until the cost outweighs the benefit of eating you... well, the sort of small groups generally sent to start a new colony of social bugs really don't stand a chance.
It is, occasionally, very hard to get used to the fact that southern silk moths only grow a few heads taller than him. He's used to them presenting a lot more of a threat.
For Leif... we think he's completely, 100% blind. His eyes are frozen over due to quirk of his biology - the thing about his integration that makes him a failure, specifically. With any of the Snakemouth cordyceps, they do not naturally transfer the immunity to their own magic that any other variety of mage would have, and so need to alter their hosts in order to get the appropriate biology across. With Leif, that protection is not sufficient to protect the host, much less to preserve valuable organs - eyes, especially, are fragile, after all. The cold he naturally generates exceeds the host adaptations he provides, resulting in, even beyond the blindness, unusually brittle chitin, extremely stiff and easy-to-damage tissue, organic food processing efficiency appropriate for a bug currently freezing to death...
Well, you get the idea. Functionally, if alive, a host body would be in a state of perpetual hypothermia, prone to breaking down over time and needing persistent repair that his strain of cordyceps cannot provide, as any repair he could offer that's not within his host's natural healing capabilities requires manually breaking down and reconstructing any parts, which... is inconvenient at best. As he is, he gets around most of these issues by simply replacing his host body's soft tissue with cordyceps, but that has its own issues, mainly in making him look and move incredibly uncanny. Injuries take a very long time to repair, relatively, though the less tissue damage is done the easier it is to fix - being cleanly sliced in two, for example, might be easier to handle than any sort of crushing damage. As far as his eyes go... eyes of any sort are delicate, and the slightest damage can permanently blind someone. Any of Snakemouth Den's cordyceps tend to go blind anyways as the fungus burrows into ocular nerves - if anything, this is better for hiding, since the frost over his eyeballs conceals any mycelium in the eyes themselves. In theory, it can be repaired... in practice, it would be far too much of a pain for work that will be undone the moment he overtaxes his ice magic again.
...also, he doesn't really care. Sight is not the most important sense a moth has and his scent and ability to sense pheromones is fine, along with a general sensitivity to things like vibrations in the air. More than fine, even, since he's now kind of hybridized with both Ant and Bee and the number of pheromones he's sensitive enough to sense has shot through the roof. This on top of the "magic sense" he has means he has absolutely no trouble getting around, though reading books requires more or less sticking an antenna or fungal tendril over them and parsing out where the ink is by scent and texture. He full-on didn't notice he was blind until after the cordyceps reveal.
For Vi, while this might be one we've mentioned before, we headcanon that she's got a bit of minor mutation throwing her antenna... maybe 2% more towards a non-social relative, which gears her just slightly more towards being able to detect "foreign" scents - predators, prey, and any pollen or nectar in the area. Unfortunately, this slight shift in what scents she's made to pick up comes with a reduced sensitivity to pheromones and pheromone communication within the hive, along with loss of the general innate understanding that an average bee would have of how she's meant to "fit in" to a structure that utterly cripples her communication and social life in the hive.
It's minor enough of a mutation that she's never been flagged - she's a mutation of a social bee, not a normal variant of a solitary - but she smells weird, and she doesn't pick up on pheromones quite enough, and the variation in signals she puts off means that she both fails the communication to get across what she might need and fumbles the communication conveyed back to her about what she should do. Subtle things build up over time, and within the Hive, the negatives far outweigh the benefits - the Hive is only built with bees that fit to a standard in mind, and even minor deviations can get you dragged far, far behind.
This is getting very long so, uhh. Here's a cut. Everything else is below it. We enjoy getting very long-winded. There's a lot in here.
15. Worst thing they’ve ever done
Well, this one will depend on if it's "in general" or "by their standards". Putting any sort of objective moral judgement on just about anything is ridiculously difficult, especially with how values vary by culture or individual.
There is no such thing as objective worst, and we absolutely don't guarantee these would line up with your idea of worse, and so we'll offer two options here - what we believe they would think of first if posed with the question, and an alternative answer that would likely crop up.
For Kabbu, his own response would be easy - abandoning his teammates to The Beast. It haunts him to this day - really, what sort of beetle abandons their swarm to a fate like that? If he was a little faster, a little braver, a little less of a coward - but no. He abandoned those he was meant to care most for, and they died because of it.
For the other...
There are some things that are necessary, to survive somewhere as harsh as the Deadlands. Not everyone can be saved. Not everything can be helped. Not everyone can be taken in. Tradition and law is the heart and soul of the North - rules that everyone must comply to, if not for the sake of themselves, than for the sake of those they may interact with. To break a law, for any reason, is to be shunned by the community, most likely to your eventual death.
She broke a law. It could have been for understandable reasons, or not - it doesn't matter. She put the community at risk, and for that, she couldn't stay. She was put out in the cold, despite her pleading to the contrary. She was allowed to beg and plead and bang on the door, and yet, it meant nothing. The beast she would have lead to them caught up, eventually. He would still believe it was justified.
For Leif, his first response would be... exactly what you expect of him, really. The body he took without a care. The life he stole. He might vary on whether it's the action of stealing it or the lies he's told with that body, but the answer would be the same.
For the one he wouldn't think of... He could have spoken up. He didn't. He met their eye, slated for execution on crimes that he could parlay them on if he implicated himself, and he said nothing.
The look on their face still haunts him sometimes. It hurts more now that he's two, rather than one. It's what was needed to protect his family.
For Vi... a fault in a machine. The instructions were boring, and confusing, and hard to read. She tried to do whatever she thought might work, instead of following the manual. There was an injury. Then another one. It was her fault, really, for rigging it wrong, but she was tired and angry and she argued instead of just sucking it up and fixing it when confronted on it, and it went unfixed for days more. A minor fault can very well lead to deaths, and though this one didn't, it came close - one more inch, a slightly looser bolt, and it would have cracked a bug's shell clean open. It's a miracle it turned out as well as it did. It's a miracle that no one connected it to her enough, even when it was fixed. Someone else was punished, and she was old enough to know not to step forward - she's not stupid, after all.
The guilt still haunts her. The "what-if". The possibility of it. If someone died of her own stupid negligence, if she made someone else take the fall - she would let them, really, her sense of self-preservation isn't that bad, but she's not sure she could live with it after.
With the one she wouldn't think of personally... considering the background she's got, the journey to the Ant Kingdom, and the fact that it's already stated she took jobs before canon? We think there's a fairly good chance that Vi's off jobs got... shady. It's not like she has much in the way of morals when it comes to money, and "will do just about anything for enough cash" is a decent market. If you're willing to forsake your morals, you can get more money than your heart desires - at the cost of just a bit of risk, at that!
She doesn't think about it, really. It wasn't something she needed to think about. They were threatening her, they were a risk to her team, they were the price she had to pay to eat, the specifics of what happened don't matter much at this point. Put in the position again, would she choose their life, or hers? It doesn't matter. They're dead, anyways. She should know. She was the one to take the payment for it.
4. Favorite line?
We're copy-pasting these straight from the game! These Direct Quotes are all sourced from @aquilamage's Bug Fables Transcript project, which we highly recommend checking out! It's an excellent resource for double-checking dialogue without having to replay the game first, and a repository for just about all the dialogue in the game (provided it wasn't taken out by previous patches, of course).
We will be honest: there's a lot of dialogue in this game. This might not be our absolute favorites, as a result of a general poor memory as well as Too Much Game. Also, we have blatant favoritism towards Vi in all ways. Most of these are favorite interactions, rather than anything else, so...
For Leif:
Kabbu: Leif. If you need to take a break, let us know. Vi will carry you. Vi: That is not happening. Leif: Oh, the fatigue, it kicks in... Vi: I said it's not happening!
...and for Vi, we're fond of this dialogue, specifically because the first time we encountered it we misread "exploring" as "exploding".
Leif: Science looks like a lot of hard work. Vi: It's like uh...the thinking version of exploring!
But of course, our favorite Vi Dialogue as well as our personal favorite dialogue in the game in general would be the Bee Guard overworld spy.
Leif: Vi, you're the only Bee explorer, right? Vi: Huh? Uh, yeah! That I know of... Leif: We've been thinking it's a bit weird, to see so many Bee guards, but only one explorer... Vi: Look, they're not guards because they want to or anything, okay? Vi: They were born to be guards, so they guard. That's it. Kabbu: That's a bit somber... Vi: ...That's just how the Hive is sometimes.
"I'm allergic to bouncers" is a close second, of course. In terms of story implications, we pull on her Jaune interactions and especially the point just after getting kicked out of the studio for the first time during Jaune's request, but that's... it's less we "like" it, per se, and more that the implications are fun to toy with. In terms of the actual dialogue, it just... makes us feel sad. Sad, [], and maybe a bit angry on her behalf. We've been there more than we care to admit, after all.
We... wouldn't wish something similar on anyone. And no matter how good the good gets with Jaune, it still can't really outweigh the fact that the bad starts ticking boxes about emotional abuse in a way that makes relationships like Mothiva & Zasp that more people are willing to try and call out pale in comparison. We probably need to finish that essay some time...
Anyways, we like it when Kabbu gets mad enough to yell at people.
Kabbu: This is ridiculous! You realize you could be dooming us all!? Kabbu: What if the Termite King loses trust in the Queen!? Kabbu: What if you lose to the Wasp King without our help!? Kabbu: Have you gone completely, utterly insane!? Have you lost all intelligence! Mothiva: Yikes. You're overthinking this WAY too much. Mothiva: The Ant Kingdom's way better in our hands than with you LOSERS. Kabbu: We have SAVED YOUR LIFE BEFORE, you WITCH!
#asks#ask games#we speak#bug fables#headcanons#writing#kabbu hc section turned into north rambling but uhh. dw about it. you get to hear our cool northern worldbuilding now#hi. sorry this took so long. this is more than a thousand words of writing.#the Vi Worst Thing varies heavily by verse as does All The Other Ones#what's the worst thing they've ever done? depends on the fic!#for vi specifically the nature of the jobs she's done is often plot relevant and thus changeable by convenience#if we get into aus then there are some more drastic changes ofc but we're doing Canon TSM Only here so that's just a side note#the most notable difference in answers...#selkie vi would have a very#unfortunately selkie vi is also missing and assumed dead due to that so it would be hard for her to answer#we love kabbu but he is very much a product of his environment#the intense traditionalism is a Beetle Thing technically and kabbu's specific brand is even more specific than that#a bit of a Kabbu Thing we guess? highly area specific and notable in that its extreme even for northern beetles#you become an amalgamation of the little bits of the people around you over time#and the bits kabbu picked up. well. highlighted that law is The Way To Go for keeping people alive and safe#even if not quite happy#anyways we hope this is good. it took a longass time! we wrote So Fucking Much here. its a bit excessive.
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im not at all joking when i say that if they don’t make an option to disable pregnancy visuals somehow, i will never be able to play jade. i wish i was exaggerating how much it bothers me but best case scenario I manage to rank & subsume her. more likely scenario is i never equip her again and pretend she doesn’t exist forever
#once again not tagging bc nobody needs to see haterism in the tag#i would even take it if you could have an alt skin for your own jade that removes the visual somehow. I want to be able to play this warfrma#unfortunately my hopes are extremely low bc they don’t even have an option to like#mute Grendel’s sounds#which are probably even more universally something that sets people off#I’ve had people be actively rude to me bc im playing my grendel too close to them. and if i play him i mute the whole game LOL#it’s clearly something they COULD do cause you can mute the mandachord#but I don’t think DE prioritizes that kind of accessibility in their game. maybe people who can’t listen to puking noises are a minority#and noises are much easier to adjust than visuals. if they change visuals they have to change entire character models#so! my hopes are extremely low. it’s fucking my head up anyway#I collected jade from the foundry tonight after letting her sit for days trying to brace myself#opened up the arsenal. put some colors on her. almost immediately had to close the game#just can’t do it. i WISH it was like ‘im uncomfortable but i can push through’ but it’s way more intense than discomfort
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himh I'll make a Dark Urge that's so fucking scared
big scary bloodsoaked killer, tearing through armies with her literal bare hands? nah. a quiet, scared girl who doesn't understand why she does what she does, why she can do what she can, but is, at the same time, deeply disgusted by herself because she has just enough self-awareness to know to be repulsed.
maybe it's because I'm a tiny bit obsessed with clinging to the thought that people, at the end of the day, are fundamentally good, no matter what. that there is a fundamental human goodness in all people that makes them worthy of redemption, or at least of the opportunity for atonement.
maybe the way I want to play a story like that is with someone who, stripped from indoctrination and free for the first time to think for herself and embrace and be who she is, finds that in the deepest, most hidden pits of her soul, she is not the strong, kind, resilient person she might want to be. try as the might, she is not someone who can bear the weight of her own past, she's just a... a terrified, broken little girl, cowering in the shadows and unable to look herself in the eye. (which also gives me ideas for her relationship with Orin but that's a little bit beside the point)
cathartic self-insert who. therapy? what is that. is it on Steam or Epic.
#video games are cheaper than therapy i know from experience#squirrel plays bg3#oc: mara#watching my partner play his durge last night i had Thoughts#so far i'm thinking that this intense fear will be what initially draws my girl to Karlach#because karlach is so.... bright. and exuberant. and even chivalrous in her way#she's so LOUDLY good that her presence is louder than even the fear and... there is something really sweet about that#it'll be a bit of a change of pace for me to REALLY lean into playing a character who... isn't a protector in any way#someone who doesn't put their feelings last#not even out of pure obligation or self-preservation#but rather they are someone who NEEDS comfort and protection#and at the same time IS the danger itself yknow#(my default boys Arvid and Ray are sort of different flavors of a “kinght” archetype)#(the former is the “courage is overcoming fear”-type)#(the latter is the “fate's puppet; thrown at ever-increasing horrors until one finally kills him [and maybe he'll even welcome that]” type)#(Iona may be the most emotionally intelligent but she is in survival mode for a long time which complicates things)#(Petyr is selfish and kinda.... phlegmatic; performatively indifferent until he's yanked from it)#(but Mara will be... feeling ALL of her feelings. and I think Karlach will make her feel the closest to what she can think of as “normal”)#(there's perpetrator guilt. and shame. and fear. disgust at her own urges. intrusive thoughts and bodily reactions that disturb her.)#(i think she'll be pretty fascinating to play)#(holy tag novel dang)
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