#this ibs flare is atrocious

[naamahdarling]

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[afniel]

I got my flu shot today!

...I'm also having an absolutely atrocious IBS flare.

I have no idea how related these facts are!

[ebdanon]

hope you're alright after work <3 and tw for bugs and another long ask lmao

to be honest, we don't have access to mental health resources, that kind of stuff is expensive here, and we already spent a bunch on trying to figure out what was physically wrong with both of us first, during which time my husband (he got ibs) was not working because it was physically impossible for him, and I (thyroid issues) stopped getting paid from the freelance work I do (I'm still owed about 10k which is enough for a down payment on an apartment in the most expensive part in my country) which put us in a ridiculously tight spot. we had to move out of our apartment and start living with my in-laws, which is where more crazy has just been tacked on. it's been a very shitty couple of years in terms of what other people have been doing that directly affects us, but we're trudging on anyway. we finally started applying for jobs abroad, which we couldn't really do until we moved because it was constantly dealing with doctors and with health issues, and scrambling together money for bills and rent and overall living, and then the building got infected with cockroaches which was the cherry on top when we both finally said "we're outta here" and moved out in like 2 days (we knew the consequences of doing that). the day we decided to do that, we were up until 5am - me shrieking at each new baby cockroach I saw, and my husband killing them (I'm terrified of bugs), because a cockroach laid some eggs in a door frame in the apartment. that same week our vacuum made a loud noise and smoke just started coming out of it and it broke, the stovetop also broke, a repairman came and tried to fix it a bunch of times so we had no stove for 4-5 days (which was awful because my husband has to eat carefully cooked meals, and the only thing we could use to cook was the oven, which is ridiculously limiting on an already limited diet), and two of the ceiling lights went out. and then I got a flare up (different health issue) on top of everything which meant I was in bed for a couple of days. it was the worst week of 2023.

we've been applying for the last 6 months, and it's been nothing but rejections because we require visas to move to the countries we're applying to (it's the literal explanation we've been receiving which is a great thing as it's not our skills or something), but it's fine, one of us will find a job at some point (I hope soon) and we'll get to get out of this shithole of a country filled with shitty people. I'm definitely getting a therapist when we're out of here though, I've wanted to talk to one for years but my plan has always been to do that when I leave this country. Mental health is very much taboo here sadly, which contributes to many of the issues people tend to face. Also fun fact, the last time we applied for jobs abroad was at the end of 2019, and then the pandemic happened which meant all the embassy shut down and the applications got canceled (it was a different application system back then). The plan was to get the marriage certificate and start applying again, but the drama happened and we needed to decompress. Then the plan was to start asap after the decompression and then all the health issues happened. Have you ever seen a train wreck lmao it's just me trying to get the hell out of this country since I was 12 BUT IT WILL HAPPEN ONE DAY I JUST KNOW IT WILL (can you feel the desperation lmao)

i know that may have sounded worrisome but don't worry about me and my lore-filled asks, things will work out, they always do

i really hope you guys are able to get the hell out soon :( the job market here in america (idk where ur applying but might be the same elsewhere anyway because the pandemic fucked everything up for everyone) is absolutely atrocious rn so i wish you the best of luck!! you’re right when you say things work out i know they will for you 🫶 it just takes time unfortunately :( but hopefully soon

also as a fellow renter im crying for you with that apartment stuff jeez. it always feels like everything happens at once tbh

[naamahdarling]

OKAY BUT NOW IM REALLY CURIOUS: if you don’t mind sharing, *how* can you trace your IBS back to capitalism??? (sincerely, another chronically ill person now suspecting they’re in the same boat) (if you *do* mind: I sincerely apologize! Please feel free to delete this ask?)

This is all TMI for poop.

I have the kind of rosacea that causes such bad acne it forms multi-pimple colonies literally called "monstrosities." It is very painful during a flare. It feels like burning and often makes me bleed. I want to stress, this is not "cosmetic". I have infected cysts and sores on may face constantly. At one point I had 40 or so active lesions on my face, varying from pimple-type whiteheads to weeping sores to subdermal cysts. I was covered in scabs. I developed dermatillomania, which I still have.

At one point I had a cunning weasel of a doctor who managed to treat the rosacea by a combination of topical metronidazole and Xifaxan/rifaximin. Rifaximin is usually used for travelers's diarrhea but there is excellent evidence that it works on rosacea, in studies sending it into remission for at least 9 months. It worked on mine for 2 years.

Somehow he got this massive dose long course of antibiotics prescribed off-label. Then he disappeared because he was forced out of practice for overprescribibng pain meds medicating pain patients adequately.

It flared up again.

I had private insurance. Insurance considers skin a luxury organ and acne as purely cosmetic, and will not cover most treatments for it. It doesn't keep you from working, after all (capitalism!). They do not care.

So instead of literally any other treatment for it, they decided that a 3 month course of 200mg doxycycline 3 times a day would be just fine. Doxy is dirt fucking cheap, is why. I didn't really want to do this, I was concerned it would make me ill, but I was in so much pain. I had to do something. And I HAD to try this before anything else. Insurance algorithms were forcing me to take the cheapest medication despite my concerns over risk.

What risk? It wiped out my gut flora until I was pooping green due to bile salts not being broken down. I never had diarrhea during those 3 months, which was all my doctor had warned me about, but in that last two weeks I was pooping recognizable food, undigested. I feel very stupid for not realizing something was very wrong sooner than I did. I guess I thought my gut would bounce back?

Turns out I developed IBS that I still have 10+ years later despite being competent at managing it and having tried everything available to cure it that isn't quackery. (No advice please.)

Capitalism is behind the reprehensible drug prices and insurance policies, and also my fucking poverty due to atrociously low SSDI payments, which all meant I could not pay the FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS for the one drug that I KNEW gives me relief.

So now I have IBS and STILL HAVE rosacea. The irony? Rifaximin reliably works on BOTH.* And I can't get it. (No, really, it is impossible, Medicaid will not pay for it. It's still super expensive at the doses required.)

And the 2 cream stuff things that help it were not generic for a long time. One cost $500 and one cost $350. And it really only helps, and doesn't fix it.

One went generic and is now "only" $89. I have it now! I got some because y'all helped me out!!! And I still bled on my pillow last night and my GF has to be careful how she kisses my face or it hurts me. It reduces it by maybe 50% at best. Don't get me wrong, that is SO WELCOME, but it isn't a cure.

So yeah. Capitalism forced me into a situation that gave me a functional bowel disorder that severely limits the food I can eat, and the meds I WAS FORCED TO TAKE didn't even fix my disfiguring skin condition.

And that is how capitalism literally gives me the shits.

* Both are correlated with SIBO, which rifaximin is also used to treat.