#this hurts actually because of recent events in wwe

[magsdomino]

I had to

[damiansgoodgirll]

Can you write a jimmy uso x reader with the recent events that went on with smackdown and him going to the hospital

yup!

jimmy uso x reader

tw : hospital (?), nothing bad in general



through hell with you

everything that was happening with the bloodline was happening way too fast for you. you saw your family falling into pieces and you couldn’t do nothing to stop it.

you weren’t a professional wrestler but you met jimmy and jey when you started working in the backstage of the wwe. the moment you met jimmy something sparkled between the two of you, anyone could feel it.

you started dating only a few weeks later and now, two years later you were married and living a happy life together. his family welcomed you with open arms and you couldn’t be more grateful.

when the whole bloodline thing started you were actually so happy to see them all together, they were a family and seeing them fighting together and having each other’s back made you happy. but things started to going down too fast for your liking and in a matter of time it was just jimmy and jey against the rest of the bloodline.

you didn’t want this to happen but you couldn’t do anything about it.

when jimmy and jey won at money in the bank you couldn’t contain your happiness, you knew what that meant for them.

but things got worse the week after, during smackdown, as jimmy got injured because of roman. you couldn’t believe your eyes, you were currently watching the show behind the scene and you knew the moment jimmy fell that he was hurt in a very bad way. you were used to his matches and his injuries but you’ve never saw him like that.

your heart missed a few beats and when you saw the ambulance ready in the backstage you knew it was really bad. you rushed out from the twins locker room and ran through the ambulance when you saw jimmy laid on the stretcher and jey running next to him.

“oh my…” you couldn’t even speak.

you rushed to his side and jey motioned for you to go with him at the hospital.

the ambulance ride was silent, filled with anxiety and worry.

“don’t worry baby, i’m here…” you whispered to jimmy. you knew he was awake but he wasn’t fully conscious so you didn’t know if he was hearing you or not but you kept talking to him anyway. even the nurse told you that you were doing a good job in supporting him.

“everything is going to be okay…you’re okay” you whispered once again, leaving a soft kiss over his hand. you quickly wiped the few tears that fell from your eyes, you were worried sick but you needed to be strong for jimmy and jey too, since he stayed back at the arena, you knew he was worried and he was waiting for any news on his twin.

once at the hospital, jimmy was brought to the examination room but you couldn’t go in so you stayed outside pacing around the waiting room. when the doctors left the room they didn’t tell you what was wrong with him but they told you that you could visit him if you wanted to.

you silently entered the room, not wanting to scare him or wake him up and sat next to the bed. he was awake and clearly in pain but the moment he saw you he smiled.

“hey…” he said, his voice cracking a bit.

“don’t talk baby…i’m here” you said grabbing his hand “i’m glad to see you awake…” you whispered, letting him know your fears.

“i’ll always wake up when i have you by my side…” he said making you tear up a little.

“you got us all worried…you know, if something happened to you i would have walked through hell and heaven just to find you and bring your ass back here” you joked making him laugh a little.

“that’s very nice of you” he sarcastically said still laughing. you noticed how tired he was and you didn’t want to be the reason he was keeping himself awake.

“you should sleep a bit…i’m not going anywhere…” you said to him. he nodded and closed his eyes.

you sent a quick text to jey, knowing how much worried he was.

jey bro >3

he’s doing okay, in pain and probably injured but he’ll survive. still being very sarcastic so we shouldn’t worry very much lol.

jey calmed himself down when read the message, thanking you for always being by his side.

and he was right, you couldn’t wait to bring jimmy back home so you could take care of him.

[kitwilsonsass]

I was left with the impression that Elton's injury actually added to PD's popularity. I mean, the way WWE milked it and made those hilarious videos and interviews about Elton's recovery I thought a lot of people enjoyed the comedy. However, I agree that comedy can be overused and become an obstacle down the line for them to be taken more seriously and not just as the goofy mischievous tag team. They also strike me as very hard working and dedicated guys. It seems to me that they have come a long way from where they began.

I'm not gonna lie, I really like their image and roles they play. It's sad that some people don't get it and find them annoying. Actually, the biggest criticism I've seen so far is not so much about the comedy aspect but the fact that they are flamboyant and care about fashion and style which for some "fans" is "too gay" and PD are "woke" and "WWE is pushing LGBT propaganda" etc. There's definitely a lot of toxicity in the wrestling fandom.

Lol, them doing the Dirty Dancing lift in front of their gfs does not srprise me at all. 😂😂 I expect nothing less from them. 😂

Also, why are there so many wrestlers in WWE nowadays? Has it always been like this? I mean, just browsing through their YT channel or IG account makes my head hurts.

If PD get a new storyline to work with, what do you think it will be? Or more importantly what do you want it to be?

It helped in the sense that it kind of gave people a really good taste of the kind of personality they could provide (and it was extremely needed at that time due to other events), and the #EltonStrong thing was fun, but it kind of wore off quick. Unfortunately they were fighting the same team for... a long... long time. It just got kind of played out and they didn't really have anyone else to face. And that + repeated matches with no real time to do much = stale quick.

I think the comedy aspect isn't so bad with fans, it's more than historically the company itself tends to kind of... treat the talent as a joke as whole and oversimplify the characters. But management's changed recently, so, high hopes.

The "too w0ke" stuff is funny because on the flip side, you see some people who are like "THIS IS CONTROVERSIAL! GOLD!" like make up your minds, lmao. It's also funny because the pretty boy in a MAN'S MAN WORLD has been a chracter type since wrestling began and was still in black and white. So people being like WHAT HAS IT BECOME!!! is like wow, way to admit you know absolutely nothing.

Roster is pretty big. Too big. The rosters are separate for the shows, but there's still a lot of people that don't get screentime unfortunately.

I'm hoping they face DIY, because I think they'd have some genuinely great matches. There was also this whole bit with Elton thinking, somehow, that one was the other's father - and upon being corrected decided they're "each others dads" and I just.... need to delve deeper into this. Tell me your weird daddy issues, Mr. Prince.

[cooloddball]

JIB9 (JIBCON, 2018) ANYALYSIS-PART 1

I never know how to begin these things so let’s just dive in.

Jensen and Misha enter the stage as Alex is leaving. Jensen commends Alex and Misha whistles and Jensen says don’t hurt my ears or something. And so it begin. Misha says he regretted it [whistling] immediately.

 I’m hard of hearing you know why because I whistled. This joke didn’t land Misha. Sorry.

Jensen says “Hey” like he wants to say something to the audience but Misha does this weird thing where he runs his index finger down his nose and touches his chin.

I think this was Misha trying to communicate his disappointment that Jensen didn’t get the joke. He wanted him to get the joke. Misha e tries to find his seat so he could sit but Jensen catches on that Misha needs him so he says, “Hey what? I’m sorry I didn’t hear you.” Aww :)

Misha leans his ear closer to Jensen and says, and Jensen leans even closer and they have this back and forth banter about not hearing what the other is saying.

To mention something personal, I am usually very uncomfortable when people lean into me, I like my personal space unless it’s someone I’m really close to and even then not always will be with them getting up close and personal.. They seem okay with it so good for them I guess. Personal space who?

“I don’t understand your accent” Misha says. I don’t know if this is an inside joke because Jensen says “shut up,” playfully and they sit down.

Jensen applauds Alex and Misha whistles again and Jensen has to look away faux disappointed because they just talked about whistling. Misha!!! Stop being naughty.

Jensen even rubs his ears to show that he can’t hear properly. LOL.

That’s like super loud dude.

 I actually find it really weird when Misha and Jensen call each other dude. It sounds unnatural because Jensen often calls other men-pal, bud, or man and Misha usually uses people’s names or says my friend so and so. So maybe this is what they call each other? I know when I talk to my bf or my friends I call them dude (gn) especially when I’m shocked about something. So, it’s not a biggie. Just noting this because they do this a lot with each other.

Misha does this super cute shoulder shrug with the biggest grin on his face. How can a grown ass man be that adorable. I don’t know how he does it but well he did it and it’s adorable. No wonder Jensen wants to put him in his pocket and take him home.

“I’m compensating.” And he looks at Jensen with this shit eating grin on his face as if challenging him and it’s like Jensen looks like he can’t breathe for a second it was literally three seconds.

 “[compensating] For a lot of things that’s wow.” Jensen says. Misha keeps grinning. Of course Jensen would know what Misha is compensating for wouldn’t he?

 Should we talk about Alex?” Jensen asks looking at Misha.

Loudly “Yeah.”

“No I don’t think so.”

What did you ask how was the pantheon? 

Jesus I love their madness. They play off each other so well.

They say they are working on teaching alex to talk about inappropriate things.  Side note: It’s funny though because Alex looks like their love child. He looks like Misha, and to some extent Jensen, his hair, sense of style and even the way he carries himself is all Jensen. So weird. What if –What if---nvm.

Jensen mentions he remembers his first season of spn. Misha looks at Jensen and says no you don’t [remember] and Jensen agrees that he doesn’t. Yes finish each other’s sentences why don’t you? He says he doesn’t remember that far back and Misha has this far away look as if he is trying to remember something and starts laughing and Jensen has this smirk on his face. IDK what is going on but these are moments I wish I could read minds.

The way Jensen is looking at Misha though.

So Misha mentions how Jared pranked Alex during the tattoo scene of s13x02. The moment Misha mentions Jared, Jensen stops smiling.

Knowing what we know now about the fallout I want to mention something. When Misha talks about Jared and his prank on Alex Jensen doesn’t seem too enthusiastic about that. Hmm and he circles back to talk about Alex then he calls Jared a toddler? But Misha makes it sound like Jensen was referring to Alex by saying easy prey . 

Misha shows the face Alex makes when they are on set together because of the pranks and the jokes.

Jensen adds, “Do you know how many times I’ve seen you do that?”+  Jensen is so excited. I mean anyone who says this is PR then they are crazy. You can’t fake emotions like that no matter how good of an actor you are.

‘The way Jensen calls Misha ‘this one’ It sounds so couply. Like when one half of a couple says, “this one is always a crying mess when we watch the notebook” or something akin to that. Any that’s just how I interpreted it, I could be wrong.

And this is how Misha is looking at Jensen when he says “this one”

That moment when Misha touches the back of Jensen’s neck and Jensen touches his thigh and they think it’s too gay because because Jensen acts like he just touched dirt and Misha brushes off his thigh and smells it. Now that’s acting.

Jensen checks Misha out (he specifically looks at Misha’s arms) and then asks “how’re you doing bud?”

Misha says good and that cringe moment about clothes sharing starts and oh I can’t look…okay I had to look  because cringe. But the way Jensen is looking at Misha is giving me the courage to and also I had to for the sake of this analysis I had to look.

“This morning Jensen was like, ‘hey, here’s that shirt you wanna borrow that shirt to wear to the convention today and I was like ‘no dude I’m not wearing your shirt to the convention to the convention’ and he’s [Jensen] like don’t worry it still has tags on it it’s fine. And I’m like no thanks , I’m not gonna wear your fucking shirt to the convention. And then at lunch I spilled salad dressing all over my shirt like sweet so thanks for the shirt.”

The whole time Misha is telling the story he’s not looking at Jensen he’s looking at the crowd. Jensen on the other hand is checking Misha out while biting his bottom lip. There’s a lot to unpack here.

Jensen:  ‘I knew. Umm..”

Misha:  “You are like Misha didn’t bring his bib today so…”

Jensen:  “He didn’t bring his bib? We are probably having you know some pretty----no I was literally have a shirt that I brought that…cause I try to wear something new for every time there are pictures being taken of me just cause that’s the culture we live in now…”

Interrupting moose enters.

*I will do a comprehensive analysis on the clothes sharing confessions, lies and half truths in another post. Boy (gn) do I have tea.”

I think when Jared is giving Jensen the balloons Jensen asks him if Daniela or someone else sent him to join them but I think he came of his own volition.

Jared is asking Jensen to untie a balloon for him but Jensen doesn’t look too thrilled

Misha must’ve noticed the tension between those two so he asks, “how good a knot did you tie?” 

Jensen’s like, “You know what? I tie a knot that a professional knows how to tie.” Okay kinky, tell us more about knots Jensen. (Sorry for this but knowing the A/B/O or rather the Omegaverse was started because of Jensen and now he’s  talking about tying a knot and…you know what nvm)

Misha pretends that what Jensen is saying is sus so he and Jared have a back and forth wondering what Jensen is talking about as Jensen unties the balloons. Yeah sure Misha like he hasn’t tied …you know what? This is getting uncomfortable even for me. Can we move on?

But Jensen won’t let me move on because he’s like, “seriously that’s how you tie a knot.” Of course you’d know sir

Jared adds, “Or it’s not” can someone shut this man up, please.

Jensen doesn’t like his friend’s joke and he has something to say about it,  “Did he have to join us?” Was this a joke? Was it serious? Who knows but recent events seem to suggest that he might’ve been serious but made it look like a joke.

Jared asks for one balloon and Misha tries to reach for one but Jensen keeps pulling them away so Misha can’t reach. This is so playful and adorable. Misha snags one finally then gives it to Jared. One flies away and he tries to reach for it but he’s not tall enough. 

“Do you want some help?”  Jared asks and laughs then Misha gives him the finger. 

Jensen gets grumpy after Daniela brings Misha a colourless balloon so he hits it with his microphone then he hits his and  sits on it and pops it. Fuck that was hot for some weird reason. I could watch him pop balloons all day.

Misha and Jared’s reaction when Jensen sits on the balloon.

Misha tries Miserably to pop his, Jared can’t look, Jensen is still grumpy but the more Misha struggles the happier Jensen gets and he even manages a smile.

This was hilarious though. Their face journeys.

Jared brings a watermelon and gives it to Misha but Jensen slaps it out of his hands and shows he doesn’t want him to do it from the way he’s waving his hand.

The only thing Jensen wants Misha to wrap his legs around is his waist, or his neck or shoulders or whatever. I don’t know which method of wrestling they prefer, I’m not a professional wrestler I mean I’ve watched WWE a few times but-

Jensen seems happy, I don’t know what Misha says to him before he sits but Jensen seems okay until…

Jared hands Misha the pink balloon holder and says, “You gonna want this for later,” 

Misha doesn’t look too happy about it either but he’s always a good sport. Poor guy, so he plays a long and looks at the holder which interestingly is pink and phallic. I know Jared was joking and yeah the joke wasn’t that funny but Jensen is super pissed because he asks, “Is he?” looking at the balloon holder.

Jesus Jensen wtf? But I honestly understand him, I mean why would Misha need that weird cheap plastic thing when there was the real thing waiting someone in a pair of Levis.

Jensen says, “well… some parts of this”  I can’t quite make out what he says.

Misha tries to make it a light moment by saying it looks like something horrible happened and that gets Jensen to laugh and then Misha bends over to uh..to drop the melon and the phallic object and Jensen’s eyes shoot right down the citrusy-juicy stone fruit goodness. He catches himself looks away and then looks at the crowd while chewing on his bottom lip.

Okay sexual jokes are fun but not every time Jared. I mean c’mon, not everything is a gay sex joke. This is the one thing that sells him out as a straight dude. He makes way too many gay sex jokes it’s not even funny.

They have this weird back and forth about Jared having some notes. Argh. It’s weird. It’s like they are fighting. You see how girls fight and act like like they aren’t fighting but you can sense the seething anger in the undertones of their voices? That’s the vibe I get here. Even Misha is confused because he keeps looking between the two wondering why notes are so important of a discussion that warrants a back and forth. Or maybe it’s just me. IDK.

Misha has to jump in and save the day “He’s [Jared] is just looking through for pictures] Misha explaining to Jensen why Jared has to read the script forty times while Jensen only reads it once.  WTF is going on boys? You were doing so well before and now things seem totally awkward *cough*fallout*cough*

Jensen looks totally done like he wants to be anywhere but here, seriously look at him.

It gets so awkward so much so that Misha has to prompt a fan to ask a question. As I said earlier, no one is such a great actor to fake emotions. Jensen keeps proving my theory. Something was going on with j/2 that day and no matter how hard they tried to mask it, it came out and it wasn’t pretty. Then again, maybe it’s just me and nothing was going on.

A fan asks how they like stories to end and  before he can answer, Misha quickly glances at Jensen then goes ahead and explains how he likes the story to leave him on a cliffhanger.

Misha has barely finished talking before Jensen chimes in with a “I Do NOT!” Look at Jared’s and Misha’s faces. Something was clearly going on and I think it had something to do with the show because Jensen didn’t seem okay since Jared came on stage. He says how he wants a finality to things otherwise jerks. They were clearly talking about the show, Jensen, for a good actor you are acting really weird. It is about the show because he says, “we are just dead”  Something very weird was going on. Maybe at this time they already had had their meeting with TPTB in LA and he was told to take it or leave it and Jared and Kripke didn’t even hear him out. My poor baby, Do all the spin offs King and you should star in all of them like you deserve.

He even says that spn dying is not a finality. He looks super pissed. What did these people (Jared and tptb) do to him? They broke him. He was doing so well.

Luckily a fan asks them if they can dance so Jensen goes to the wheel and Misha gets up. I think he knows Jensen is angry and he has to try to make his man happy the best way he can. Jared is suffering from second hand embarrassment as am I. Jared can’t look, same Jared this is so cringe. But Jensen can’t help himself, as he is coming back from spinning the wheel he checks out Misha’s citrusy-juicy goodness again 🍑

Misha please stop. I love you but this is embarrassing. Okay so let me look at Jensen instead. He looks like those gentlemen waiting for the debutantes at a debutante ball because of the way he’s standing looking at Misha dance. Subtle sir. Very subtle. I mean if my friend was dancing like that I’d be laughing at them not watching longingly. Just saying, but that’s just me.

The way Misha looks at Jensen and starts rolling his hips. Sirs, can you not do your mating dance in public? There are children in the audience. 

Even the way Jensen cues in the music so he can dance looks like he’s in the Victorian era asking the music master to play the song he asked to be cued in so he could dance with his sweetheart or something. Am I going crazy? I’m going crazy.

The whole dancing scene was just cringe.

Mish explaining what Castiel does when the boys go to sleep 

Hold on, when Jensen asks what Castiel does when the Sam and Dean are asleep in their respective bedrooms, he made sure to emphasize respective bedrooms and we all know the reason why. Stay speaking facts king.

Anyway, when he asks Misha to demonstrate for us what Cas does, did he expect that Cas stands there peeping into Dean’s room and wanks or what did he expect? Honestly I’m just curious, what did he want Misha to demonstrate exactly.

Then he gets up to demonstrate it himself . 

When Misha says that the episode will be called ‘I’ll just wait here ten” Jensen unicorn laughs and when he realizes he was laughing to hard at Misha’s joke he says, ”I don’t get it.” Yeah sure Jensen it was clear from how hard you laughing to the point where we could see your tonsils that you didn’t get it. Good one. Misha maintains a serious face and even shakes his head.

A fan asks Misha what Castiel would have in his room. Misha says just a bunch of catnip. I don’t know what is so funny again that it warrants Jensen to hide his face because he’s trying not to laugh too hard. Does the word catnip or Cas being a cat mean something to you? Is it because Misha is cute like a kitten? Do love to rub his tum and hear him purr? Does he rub his nose along your beard like a cat would? What is so funny?

Then Jensen adds, “and kitty litter.” So adorable. I want in on the inside joke.

Misha says that he would have a poster of a cat hanging from a tree that says, “Hey it’s Monday” and Jensen laughs so hard. Then Jensen makes sure to add, “he has that poster in his trailer.” How do you know?

Why are these two dorks so happy about the mention of AU Cas? 

Then the way Jensen is excited about asking Misha for a demonstration of AU Cas 

 WTF am I watching? Help. But the eye fuck and the way the laugh.

Look how hard Jensen is laughing when Misha says what went through his head is that “they met at a club.” Pray for Jensen. He needs help. Serious help because no one is ever that funny all the time Jensen.

You can see how Jensen’s mood changed after Jared said that is the best acting he has ever seen Misha do. Jared seriously read the room. That part of the video has been discussed before so I won’t get into that.

The way Jensen’s eyes widen when Jared says Misha really wants to answer the who is your rock question. It is subtle but it happens. He also raises his eyebrows  as if to say “really? leave my husband alone.”

Okay did Jared expect Misha to say Jensen was his rock or??

Jensen is acting weird through Misha’s answer. He’s mostly stoic, like he’s holding his breath? Can I also mention how handsome Misha looks? But I like Misha’s answer and it’s so beautiful that he married his best friend. Everyone who wants to get married should marry their best friend. What do I know though? Marriage is a foreign concept to me.

Jensen asks how many mothers there are in the audience.

Jared carries on with “how many of us have mothers?

Misha: That’s quite an impressive turn out. So many people didn’t raise their hands.

“They are like no I was genetically engineered in a lab.” Okay hear me out. Jensen knows what you know who believe that  his kids and Jared’s kids were made in a lab because they couldn’t stand to copulate with their wives because of how much they hate them because Jared is his on true love. If you didn’t know this I’m sorry to divulge this disgusting piece of information to you but you can’t unsee it now so you are welcome. I swear I think this was a jab at them, no one can convince me otherwise.

Even Jared and Misha’s reaction to that is pretty telling. Then Jensen adds “And some of you probably were” I think he means those soulless fans who send their wives and kids threats and also hate on Misha every chance they get. Go off king.

He talks about how his wife is also his rock aww Jensen

Remember how Jensen was being weird during Misha’s answer? Misha is being weird as well, mostly stoic and looking at a fixed spot on the ground. I want to know what was so interesting.

Oh that micro expression from Jared, his right eye widens the moment Jensen says “I have some amazing pebbles in my life.” Did he think Jensen was going to out himself? He was like oh shit oh sit it’s happening.

The glee on Misha’s face when when Jensen calls him a pebble aww Jensen.

I know what I’m about to say is controversial but I think that by pebbles Jensen meant Misha. It doesn’t make sense that he was comparing his wife and his friends. The only person he would relate his wife to is his husband. I know this sounds crazy and people will definitely not be happy about this but that’s my opinion.I I know he loves Jared and he is his bro for life  so if he was referring to them both wouldn’t he have pointed to them both?

Jared talks about how sometimes he doesn’t want to burden the people he really loves with what’s on his mind all the time and Jensen points to himself in a very aggressive way. Jesus Jensen way to be subtle. Fuck. Also Jensen nods vigorously when Jared says look for your pebbles because sometimes pebbles are what you need to get back to your rock.

It’s time to sing a hbd song and when Misha asks Jared “did you volunteer for this?” That’s when Jensen places his hand on Misha’s knee and says “I got it” He’s like, babe seriously? You are gonna ask Jared to sing when you know I got the voice for it? Seriously? I’m right here babe. I sing to you every night and you gonna do me like this? I got this and you are mine.

He caresses that leg and gets very comfortable on it, draping his arm from the elbow down on it. Possessive much? It’s clearly not the first time he has parched on that leg. The hand was on that leg for 1 minute and 15 seconds. Yes, I counted.

The intimate way in which Jensen and Misha they are seated is so awkward that Jared scoots away from them.

 Damn, son. Jensen’s vocals are out of this world. So good.

Jesus Jared “Deeper, deeper feel it” Is that what they were screaming through the hotel walls last night? Tell us more.

Misha is so uncomfortable and Jensen is so done.

So overall this part was basically cockles being cockles, Jensen being possessive of Misha, Jared being Jared, Jensen being done, the girls are fighting and Misha is the referee. 

That’s the end of part 1.

Part 2

[paradoxunknown]

Hey! Random questions for you.

Do you still watch WWE? Who was/is your favorite member of the Shield? Do you remember where you were when they broke up? How did you like the feuds between them after they split? Did you ship them at all?

Hello lovely human!

I do still watch WWE - I mainly watch it to keep up so I can talk about it to my younger nephew, I think it’s nice that we have that common interest to connect about. Plus, it’s super cool to be that cool aunt that takes him to wrestling events.

While I love every single member of the shield, Dean is my favorite. There actually was a point in time where I stopped watching WWE for a while and I got back into it because my dad traveled for work at the time and it was one of the only things they played over in Saudi Arabia, so when he came home for his break we ended up watching the SummerSlam where Stephen Amell faced Stardust (It was also the same Summerslam where Seth Rollins beat John Cena for the US title and was the WWE and US Champ).

But I remember going into the pay-per-view after watching a few RAWs and immediately felt connected to Dean Ambrose and dubbed him as my favorite and I instantly hated Seth Rollins (because he was that good of a heel) and then I went to Wikipedia, did some digging and found out why Seth Rollins was a heel and then fell into the Shield rabbit hole.

So after going down the Shield rabbit hole, I immediately went to the beginning and re-watched everything and to this day, I still cannot watch the destruction of the Shield. It makes me physically uncomfortable and makes me so upset that I have to turn it off literally as soon as Seth swings the chair the first time on Dean and Roman, like it just makes me so sad. 

But along with the implosion of the Shield, I did watch their feud and I do have to say that Dean and Seth’s feud after he became the sell out for the authority is probably one of my favorite storylines! I firmly believe that Dean and Seth are wrestling soulmates, and I really enjoy seeing the brotherhood between Dean and Roman despite the destruction of the Shield. 

The day that Roman announced that he was going in for treatment for his leukemia the second time because it had returned, I had watched that episode of RAW with one of my best friends (who I had gotten into wrestling by showing him clips of the Shield) and I immediately knew the Dean was going to turn heal after he and Seth won to tag titles and I just remember looking at my friend and being like “Dean is about to turn heel” and being so upset when that happened (Jon’s latest heel turn before the Shield reuniting for the final time makes me so mad and sad for him, because you can clearly see how unhappy he is).

The Shield reuniting before Mox left WWE probably to this day makes me extremely happy (I actually have the last Shield shirt that issued for their final run, so I’m happy that I got that.)

Also the feud with Seth and Roman, where are Seth wore his old Shield gear hurts me deeply inside, but I thought it was very smart because it does play to the title of “the architect” just solely for the mind game purposes. 

I just recently started reading things where all of the Shield were a shipped together without an OC and I do like the, I try to avoid the angsty fics as much as I can because I’m already sad enough as a depressed human and fanfics are my escape 😂😅 — there are some really good fics that I like that are Dean x Roman xOC or Seth x Dean x OC, I’ve also written a few fics where it’s the Shield x OC or Dean x Seth x OC

But yes! I’m so sorry this was so long-winded but thank you for asking me these lovely question! ☺️🖤

[itsinmydunah]

Title: WWE Smackdown

Rated: G

Words: 1290

Fandom: twilight rennaisance fic babayyyyy

———————————-

Summary: Bree may be tiny, but she is mighty.

A warning those who may be effected: mentions of past child abuse.

This one was a request from JaneMalfoy on ao3. So you have them to thank for this one, haha. I’m hoping I’ll be able to churn out more Bree fics with the same gusto. This fic is, as usual, also posted on my ao3.

Please be sure to tell me what you think!

————————————————

The sound of shattering ceramic has Bree cringing. She braces for a blow while stuttering out a hasty apology.

There’s dead (ha) silence throughout the house. No one is even fake-breathing.

“Bree, sweetheart, no one is going to do that here.” Bree peeks from beneath the heavy curtain of her hair. Esme is looking at her with kind and knowing eyes. The woman reaches out a hand slowly and tucks Bree’s hair behind her ear. Her touch is so gentle that Bree doesn’t even startle. “You never have to worry about someone hitting you or harming you. I promise,” Esme vows with an assertive tone.

“I—I didn’t mean to break it, Esme.” Bree believes the matriarch when she says no one will hurt her. From what she’s seen of this family in her short time with them, they don’t cross Esme. And more important than that, they are kind to each other. Even when Emmett ribs or mess around with Jasper and Edward, there is a line. No one hurts each other here. It’s not like the home she was raised in or the foster families she bounced from. Despite being ‘monsters’, they’re gentle. Especially to her.

“Oh, I know, baby. Don’t worry over it. We all broke many things in our early days. No matter what, you can’t be worse than Emmett.” Esme grins widely, nose crinkling as she teases her rowdiest son. Bree cracks a smile that grows even bigger when she hears an exclaimed ”hey!” from the upper floor.

“Yeah, don’t worry Bree. Carlisle makes sure Esme can have everything she wants. That vase wasn’t even an antique. I’m pretty sure it was just from Pottery Barn.” Bree tries not to let the thought of Pottery Barn being just a dispensable brand to anyone. She grew up with plastic chairs in the kitchen and a fold up table and was lucky to have season-appropriate clothes.

The Cullens’ wealth still boggles her mind. She was immediately given a closet-full of clothes by Alice and toiletries from Rosalie and a laptop from Jasper. They didn’t think anything of spending money on her, even in the very beginning. As much as she enjoys those things, she likes being able to regularly shower the most. And the hugs from Esme. And the calm, receptive presence of Carlisle. And the way they’re all so kind.

“If you’re sure,” Bree says doubtfully. She begins to pull herself out of her instinctive cower.

“1000%,” Esme assures. “Anyway, you’re pretty strong now yourself,” the woman winks.

“Sure, she’s strong, but she’s so tiny. Like, tinier than Alice!” Emmett booms. His raucousness has drawn the rest of the family from their rooms.

“Emmett, you know I can kick your ass,” Alice says, eyebrows set in a challenge.

Emmett tuts and waggles his finger. “No, no, no. You can evade me. Probably for days. But you cannot kick my ass. Not even close to the same thing.”

“It’s an important distinction.” Edward shrugs with a crooked grin. “But, actually, Emmett, you're not the strongest in the house right now.”

Bree cocks her head. Emmett certainly looks like the strongest one. Jasper is pretty stocky, too, though. Edward was lithe and fast, but not really one for brute strength. Rosalie was certainly formidable, but Bree didn’t think it could be her, either. Esme and Carlisle were simply too gentle to be the strongest ones.

“Edward means you, Bree.” Jasper offers. Bree blinks. Her? Not a chance! She was barely over five feet! Jasper must sense her confusion because he goes on to explain, “the human blood still in your body from your recent turning makes you stronger than any of us right now. And because you spent your early life drinking human blood you also have that as an advantage.”

Riley hadn’t told her any of this. She was still very unaware of a lot of aspects of being a vampire.

“I mean, I know that’s how its supposed to be, but look at her, Jas!” Emmett gestures towards Bree with exuberant hands. Bree looks down at her slight figure and skinny arms and has to agree with his assessment.

Jasper scoffs and shakes his head. “Newborns half the size of me could take me down before I was trained against them.”

“You’re telling me I could take Emmett down?” Bree inquires disbelievingly. She certainly felt stronger as a vampire than a human, but the very idea of taking down Emmett’s hulking mass is unthinkable. He’s easily 6’5”.

“If you can get a proper grip around him, yeah.” Jasper is grinning now like he knows what’s coming next. Alice is practically vibrating beside him.

“Well I won’t believe it until I see it,” Emmett says stubbornly. “Try me, short stack.” He holds out his arms and gestures for Bree to attack him.

“Emmett Cullen, not in my house you don’t.” Esme isn’t even in the room, but somehow she knows what’s happening. Bree shakes her head in wonder. This family is very in-tune with each other. It makes her undead heart a bit warmer.

“Yes, Esme,” Emmett intones like a begrudging child, “ Outside then, short stack.”

Emmett is already dashing to a cleared area behind the house. Bree looks at the others. They’re all bemused but unsurprised by the turn of events. They don’t seem concerned at all by Emmett’s determination to fight her. She knows that Emmett won’t hurt her, so she shrugs and follows him outside.

He’s already poised to attack when she gets to him. She tenses for a moment before lunging at him. She perches on his back and pushes down with all her might, sending him windmilling forward. A helpless cackle slips from her lips at the sight. She is strong!

“Oh, you’re sneaky!” Emmett booms, turning on his heel to bulldoze towards her.

She isn’t scared of Emmett. His open face is nothing like that of her father before he hit her. Emmett is smiling sunnily and laughing as he dodges her and tries to grab her waist. Bree can’t help the giggle that escapes her when she slips from his grasp. He looks so bewildered as she continues to evade his attacks. There’s the sound of Rosalie’s laughter in the background, but Bree doesn’t let herself be distracted. She hadn’t fought with the other newborns when they attacked the Cullens. It was an odd rush to get to use all the power given to her.

When Emmett finally gets his hands around her hips, she throws herself towards the ground and flips her center of gravity, sending him careening into the rocky bank beneath them.

“OHHHHH!!!!!! Em, she got you!!” Rosalie is full-body laughing now, bent over in mirth. The sight of this tiny girl flinging her huge husband over her body is just hilarious. Alice is grinning widely as Jasper guffaws at Emmett’s grumbling as he climbs up the bank. Edward is smirking. Esme, who came out to witness her son be put in his place by their newest addition, is also laughing.

“I did tell you she’d be able to,” Jasper reminds his brother who is picking leaves off his now-torn shirt.

“Yeah, yeah.” Emmett waves him off, narrowing his eyes at Bree. She grins, putting her hands on her hips and tossing her hair behind her shoulder. The much larger vampire shakes his head and breaks out into a good-natured laugh. “It won’t last forever though, short stack!” He scoops her up in a hug, twirling her. Bree shrieks and giggles, smacking his back but also clinging onto his shoulders.

She never imagined what it would be like to have a brother, but now it seems she will have a few brothers for the rest of eternity.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #365

“i’m numb to the pleasure, but still feel the pain”

Are there palm trees where you live? No. Do you own any Hello Kitty stuff? If so, what? No. What’s your favorite flavor of ice pop? Blue raspberry. Do you like animal print? What’s your favorite print? Not really. I think animal "print" only really looks nice on, well, animals. Does your dad have any facial hair? Yes. What do you think of foot tattoos? They're not my favorite, but some look nice. I myself wanna get "11121" (a Silent Hill 4 reference) "carved" onto the top of my feet. Do you like bugs or do they scare you? Some do. I've gotten more into them though as my passion for tarantulas expanded to other inverts, like mantises. Ever seen the movie Chernobyl Diaries? If so, did you like it? If not, do you want to see it? I haven't, but I'd be willing to watch it. I find the whole Chernobyl incident to be extremely fascinating, so I'd probably like it. Did your senior class in high school have a class trip? Where did you go? Bitch I wish. :/ Do you have an instagram account? What’s your username? Yeah, two: brittanymphotography and eldritch_obscura. Do you like Gir from Invader Zim? I think he's cute. Do you or would you ever own a gun? Why or why not? No thanks. If I'm not mistaken, I can't legally obtain one anyway because of my suicidal history. I'm fine with having like, pepper spray and a bat handy by the bed, lol. If it was offered for free by a professional, would you get your hair dyed platinum blonde? For FREE? Fuck yeah I'd try it. What do you normally order at Dunkin Donuts? A chocolate frosted donut, and sometimes a plain/cake one. Do you watch football? Favorite teams? No. What about WWE? Favorite wrestler? That's an even bigger no. Funniest thing you’ve ever heard a teacher say? Okay so this is hard to actually explain and it be funny. I had this amazing, kinda charismatically awkward history teacher in high school, and when talking about some legal stuff I can't remember, she deadass quoted "Without Me" by Eminem ("if the FCC won't let me be...") like so casually and everyone fucking died, just from knowing her and her personality. It was just very unexpected. Do you wear a lot of makeup? What do you think of girls who do? No. Girls can wear however much makeup they please. Do you have a savings account? Are you good at saving money? No. I can't really answer the second question because of me never having a steady flow of money. Would you rather have a relationship or casual flings? Relationship, 100%. I would never have a casual fling. Do you know anyone that’s part Native American? Yes. Who was your favorite Spice Girl? I remember none of them. Have you ever tried to poison someone? Yikes, no. Have you ever saved anyone from a fire? No. Have you ever had a seizure? No. I've had sudden spasms, but never a full-on seizure. Have you ever had an out-of-body experience? No. Have you ever had a black eye? No. Have you ever had a tooth pulled? No. Have you ever had pneumonia? I have not. Have you ever had tubes put in your ears? Yes, as a baby. Have you ever been shot with an arrow or bullet? Thank god no. Have you ever had kidney stones? No. Have you even been bitten by an venomous animal? No. Have you ever thought about being in the military? Fuck no. I wouldn't qualify, anyway. Have you ever been sedated or put under anesthesia? Yeah. Have you ever used shrooms or any other hallucinogen? No. What upcoming event are you most looking forward to? I can barely believe my tat appointment is almost here lakjsd;ajwlej;rwe What was the last song you heard? I'm currently listening to Motionless In White's synthwave edit of "Voices" they just put out. I looooove it. What time did you wake up today? Maybe like, 5:20? Is there a vase in the room you’re in? No. Have you recently been insulted? Yes. Compared to someone else of your age and gender; do you feel that you have a lot to offer someone? N O P E How many days a week do you work? I'm unemployed. Is there ONE person you feel more connected to than others? Yes. What is your worst relationship quality? I obsess over the person probably leaving, so especially at the beginning, I'm paranoid and distrustful. I want to emphasize that I'm not the asshole that snoops through her partner's phone out of distrust, but still, the fear is just there. What was your most recent serious injury? A serious one? Man idk. I've had a lot or negligible and smaller ones, but a big one... *shrug* What were you most recently happy about? I was happy to see "synthwave" in this video title, haha. Are you a fan of cake? Oh yes. What is your favorite insect? Butterflies. Is your town beautiful? Ew, no. Do you prefer the city or the country? THE COUNTRY. Have you ever witnessed an eclipse? Lots of lunar eclipses. Do you wear lipstick often? No. You’re going on a date with someone you like. What would you like to do? Considering the pandemic, probably just like... grab fast food and sit and eat at a park. That'd be cute. You’re hanging out with your best friend. What would you like to do? It'd be nice to get back to Avatar: The Last Airbender while hanging out with Doris (her beardie that I adore), too. Have you ever written or considered writing a play? No. Who is considered the “black sheep” of your family? Why? Ha, me. To begin, I like all the "dark" stuff, I'm the unreligious one, the one with political beliefs unlike most of my family, I'm not doing what I should be... Why is your favorite movie your favorite movie? It's just a masterpiece. I love love love animals, African one especially, and I find it to be an amazing story of courage and dedication to family. Plus I shamelessly love all the songs, haha. What’s an odor you hate? GASOLINE. FUCK. What’s a sound you hate? Fingernails on a chalkboard. Or screech-y noises in general. If money was no issue, what would you like to do right now? I was initially gonna say go to Yellowstone, but fuck that hot weather this time of year. So, this brings us back to Venus' terrarium; I'd want to get a new one and better materials. What’s something you’re so good at that you take pride in your skill? I wouldn't say I'm "so good" at it, but I do take pride in my writing. What’s something you’d never ever dare to ask another person? Hm. Under ANY circumstance, I guess "are you pregnant?" There's almost like... no situation where I'd be comfortable asking somebody that. What’s the worst/best thing you’ve done without your parents knowing? We're not getting into that lmao. Do you know anyone who has a hearing deficit? No. What is one thing stopping you from becoming a veterinarian? I could never stand seeing so many hurt and dying animals and still be okay at the end of the day. Are there any opinions you used to have even a few years ago that you look back on and think, “I can’t believe I ever thought that way”? THERE ARE!!!!!!!!!!! A LOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The last time you cried, what was wrong? I fell and skinned my knees when stepping over this barrier Mom made to keep the damn dog out of the hallway and thus my room to fuck with the cat and eat his food. I previously twisted my ankle, fell backwards, and had one other accident with it despite moving stuff, and I didn't cry from pain, just massive frustration. I want this dog GONE. Do you like multi-choice tests or tests you have to write out? Multiple choice. Who last called you ‘beautiful’? Couldn't tell ya, bud. Have you ever caught a firefly? Yeah, I did that lots as a kid. Do you own any camouflage? No. What’s the stinkiest pet you’ve ever had? Uhhh I dunno. Have you ever been on the news? For what? No. Have you ever seen one of your friends get arrested? No. Do you put sprinkles on anything? No, I hate sprinkles. How do you like your steak? Medium well. Long hair on guys: yes or no? Yaaaaaaaas. Is there a basement in your house? If so, what is it used for? No. When was the last time you started a new medication? It's been a while. What is your favourite type of nut? Cashews, I think. Where did you eat the best pizza you’ve ever eaten in your life? I'm so fuckin basic, like my genuine answer is Domino's lmaooo. Did you ever watch The Rugrats when you were a kid? Yeah, I loved that show. I even had the two video games; I was obsessed with the first one in particular. Do you know anyone who was adopted? Yes. Do your parents’ professions match their college degrees? No. Do you write shopping lists on paper or just remember it in your head? I don't do the shopping, so. But I would definitely need to write it down. Have you ever used a lawnmower? No. Have you ever consumed so much alcohol that you vomited? No. Can you tie balloons? No, actually. My hands are just too shaky. When was the last time you were at a pet store? A few weeks ago when we got rats for Venus. Ugh, it is SO overpriced; they come in a box of two, and as I feed her twice a month, it's honestly quite a bit of money. Like if I remember correctly, it's around $16. FOR TWO. SMALL. RATS. I've recommended we just buy them in bulk NOT from an overpriced chain pet store, but the problem with that is then we have *too* many, and the nutritional value of frozen rats apparently does degrade with time, so I don't want to feed my snake poor food. So it's just an annoying thing we have to do. Have you ever taken a pregnancy test? Not like, an at-home one. I've been tested before surgery, but that was just a safety protocol. Does your ex still think about you? "The" ex, probably not. Honestly, who is the last person to tell you that they love you? My mom. What is the last state you were in besides your own? Virginia. Would you go down to see the Titanic if given the chance? Man, that's kinda tempting. Maybe. It'd be super cool. Have you ever seen the Hollywood sign in real life? No. Did you ever see a scorpion in the wild? No, they don't live here. Do you type the proper way? Have you ever typed on a manual typewriter? Yes to both. What was your maternal grandmother’s first name? Cecelia. Name a word that people use locally that outsiders probably can’t pronounce. Conetoe. You said it wrong.

[cowboyshit]

Ok serious question , you've been watching AEW a lil longer than me i gotta ask why does everyone hate cody? Like all my tumblr right now is fuck cody as champ , fuck cody being main event every week , and fuck cody vs hager next week (i get the hager hate him being a homophobic transphobic git) but i don't understand the Cody hate

sorry I’m a clown and couldn’t resist a joke. I kind of keep myself out of the hate, but I remember there was a shady moment a few weeks ago where he liked a tweet about sami needing to go back to Canada if he was so unhappy with how the American government runs things and I think it was from a burner account that promoted/supported Trump for presidency or as a president? and since the start of aew he’s seemed to have become a little full of himself and lost the actual reason he started the company (to be different than wwe and move away from it) while the company does some wwe like things (bringing old wrestlers in from past wwe legacy, having a big guy come in new and already have a chance to challenge for the championship over other faves, etc) and he seems to still be hung up on his feelings of hurt over what happened to him with wwe. which you can either see as a little petty and childish, or maybe you think he’s justified in hating the fuck out of that place 🤷🏻‍♀️ it’s a shame because I don’t enjoy him the way I did in the beginning, I kind of wanted him to go on this storyline of being knocked down to the ground, continuously losing right at the moment he thought he’d win, breaking him down and then having him build himself back up in some way. I enjoy his old bte stuff, I like his sense of comedy it really makes me laugh (even recently his bit in bte at vanguard 1’s funeral where he called matt jackson tommy bahama fucking cracked me up). but unfortunately the mass majority believe he’s become full of himself and is still over milking a story they’re no longer buying among many other issues I haven’t been paying attention to wrestling long enough to understand/know.

[wrestlingisfake]

History of record-low Raw ratings

In the past few years we’ve heard a lot about WWE Raw scoring scary low ratings.  That’s partly because the really bad numbers get reported with qualifiers like “the third lowest number in the modern history of the show for a non-holiday episode that didn’t have major sports competition." (source: Wrestling Observer, March 9, 2020)  So for a while now I’ve wanted to track the historic lows in Raw history.  Lucky for me the recent slump has made this a lot easier.

To start with, we have to look at 1996, when WWF Raw was facing stiff competition from WCW Nitro.  The December 23, 1996 Raw scored a 1.5 rating, which Dave Meltzer said at the time was the lowest in the history of Raw, Prime Time Wrestling, and Tuesday Night Titans.  The following week’s show, from December 30, did slightly better with a 1.6.  The proximity to Christmas and New Year’s Eve clearly hurt these shows; the lowest non-holiday number for Raw was apparently a 1.78 on October 14, 1996.  Since a major boom for the WWF was right around the corner, these low marks went unchallenged for decades.

Raw’s overall household rating stayed above 1.8 until September 26, 2016.  The show went head-to-head with one of the Donald Trump/Hillary Clinton debates, and scored a 1.74 with 2.46 million viewers.  The poor performance against such tough competition was not cause for concern, of course, but it’s useful context for what came later.  Over the next two years, Raw would only sink below 1.8 five more times--May 29, June 12, and December 25 in 2017, and May 28 and June 4 in 2018.  But then there was a 16-week stretch of ratings below 1.8, from September 24, 2018 to January 7, 2019.  The 2016 non-holiday low was broken about a dozen times.

On December 10, 2018, Raw scored a 1.58 rating and 2.194 million viewers, which was easily lower than any episodes except 12/23 and 12/30 in 1996.  This terrible number led to the rather desperate December 17 episode, where the McMahon family promised big changes.  That propped up the rating for a week, but with the holidays coming up everyone expected bad numbers for the rest of the month.  The December 24 episode set a new all-time record low with a 1.22 rating and 1.775 million viewers.  The December 31 episode became the all-time #2 low with a 1.31 rating and 1.968 million viewers.

Before we move on to 2019 and 2020, I should address the elephant in the room.  I’ve been describing Raw’s ratings using Nielsen Media Research’s estimates for household rating (the percentage of homes that have a channel which are watching that channel) and total viewers.  But I don’t actually have the total viewership numbers from 1996; in those days that stat got less coverage in wrestling news than the rating.  Nowadays, TV ratings tend to be reported in terms of total viewers and the rating in key demos (e.g., people 18-49), since that’s what matters most to decision makers in the TV industry.  So it’s gotten harder and harder to find the total household rating; Dave Meltzer seemed to forget to mention it sometimes in 2018 and 2019, and he appears to not even bother with it in 2020.  That makes it difficult to compare today’s ratings to the numbers we have from the 1990s.  Even so, we can get a rough picture by comparing recent ratings to the 2018 lows, which we can compare to the 1996 lows.

During 2019, Raw generally hovered between 2-3 million viewers, peaking on July 22 with 3.093 million.  The non-holiday low was broken several times, culminating with 2.05 million on December 16.  The December 23 episode was the lowest of 2019 and the second lowest ever, with 1.835 million viewers.

In the early going, 2020 saw several ratings which didn’t approach the bottom of the barrel, but were remarkably low for shows without major sports competition.  There is no clear “excuse” for the 2.163 million viewers on March 9, 2020--no holidays, no football, no NBA playoffs, no World Series, and no particularly major news story.  As it happens, that was the last Raw before the COVID-19 pandemic really hit home for many Americans, as most public gatherings and sporting events were shut down by the end of the week.

Pro wrestling ratings were hit hard in the early days of the closed-set era, but while NXT and AEW have largely recovered, Raw has been in a steady decline.  The last Raw to do over 2 million viewers was on April 6, the day after Wrestlemania.  The all-time record low was finally broken on May 4 with 1.682 million viewers, and then again on July 13 with 1.56 million.  Of the top twenty lowest ratings for Raw, eighteen of them are from 2020.

Going forward, there’s no doubt that the Raw audience will shrink some more in the coming months.  The big question, then, is what WWE can do to stop the bleeding, short of returning to arenas packed with fans.  That’s why the July 20 rating has gotten so much attention.  It wasn’t a record low, because its 1.63 million places it at #2 behind July 13.  But the 7/20 show was clearly meant as a response to the recent slump, with Randy Orton vs. Big Show moved off Extreme Rules to give Raw a boost, and a bunch of issues from the PPV designed to lure curious fans to Raw.  All that effort should have done better than the second-lowest audience in the 27-year history of the show.  If that didn’t work, what else can Raw try?  We’re about to find out.

[hazyheel]

Clash of Champions 2019 Predictions

Clash of Champions is WWE’s last pay per view before the wrestling landscape undergoes a massive overhaul. NXT is getting TV time, Smackdown is moving to fox and Fridays, and of course, we have the Wednesday Night Wars starting up. NXT vs. AEW. Right now, WWE really needs their pay per view to impress to get some good buzz going around them, because AEW has been really outperforming WWE pay per views that happened around the same time. So this is a big show for WWE, and they have packed it full of matches as such. The King of the Ring final was bumped to Raw, but other than that there are plenty of big matches. And here are my predictions as to who will win.

Roman Reigns vs. Rowan in a No Disqualifications Match: This is the only non-title match that is scheduled for the show, and the story is so weak that it hurts. Reigns was attacked several times before Summerslam, but no one knew who did it. So, we had a whodunnit storyline that was very promising. Samoa Joe was the first suspect, but he was quickly proven innocent. Then Reigns interrogated Buddy Murphy, who said that it was Rowan who was responsible. Daniel Bryan and Rowan both denied it, and at Summerslam, Rowan attacked Murphy during his match and called him a liar. He and Bryan attacked Murphy again backstage on Smackdown to force him to take his claim back, which he did. The two bearded men then said that the real culprit was a guy who looked exactly like Rowan. That was around the time that this all fell apart, not only because it is a bad plot point, but they also ignored the doppleganger for the rest of the story. But eventually, Reigns somehow got security footage of Rowan walking away from the forklift incident, and Rowan admitted it was him. Remember, he easily could’ve said it was the other guy, but he just confessed. Rowan then beat down Roman and Bryan, and eventually this match was scheduled. Bad story, real bad. Hopefully there is a swerve coming, because Rowan is not the guy for this spot. I think Roman will win here, but I hope to God that someone else is actually behind the attack. I think that the No DQ stip should make this match more fun, but I doubt it’ll be one of the highlighted matches of the night. I think this match will be pretty good, but not a classic or anything.

Drew Gulak vs. Humberto Carrillo vs. Lince Dorado for the WWE Crusierweight Championship: This is a pretty simple match. A few weeks ago on 205 Live, we had a Captains challenge match: 5 on 5 tag, elimination rules. The only two survivors of that match were Oney Lorcan and Humberto Carrillo. The two then faced off in a #1 contenders match the next week, with Carrillo winning. However, Lince Dorado and Carrillo had been having some problems for the past few weeks, with Dorado being pissed about Carrillo scoring a win on him. Dorado went as far as to say that he wasn’t a real luchadore, and while Carrillo seemed to keep taking it in stride, the tension was building. Underneath all of this, Ariya Daivari was trying to sow insurrection in the Lucha House Party by telling Dorado that he could and should be the breakout star, so Dorado is slowly turning heel. Carrillo and Dorado had a singles match eventually on 205 Live, with Dorado winning and being inserted into the match. I think that Carrillo should win here, and lead the Cruiserweight division as it moves down to NXT. I think that he should pin Gulak, his old nemisis and mentor, and start to feud with Dorado in a one on one scenario. He deserves to be champion, and I think it is time for that face to be leading the division. I think Gulak could win as well, as his time doesn’t really need to be over. This should be a pretty good match. Lots of high fliers in here, and the Gulak will have to work hard to keep them grounded. I think this is one of the matches that I am more looking forward to, even if it’ll end up on the pre-show.

Alexa Bliss & Nikki Cross vs. Fire and Desire for the WWE Women’s Tag Team Championships: This one was built in a pretty simple way. Fire and Desire just pinned the champions in a non title match recently. Beyond that, the only story is really between Cross and Mandy Rose, because Rose keeps telling Cross that she is ugly. Ouch. This pains me to say it, but Bliss and Cross are probably gonna win here. They haven’t held the belts for very long, and they need some wins under their belts before the two split up. I really don’t know how good this match will be, because Rose and Deville are great together, but Bliss and Cross haven’t really impressed me just yet. This could be their breakout match as a team, and I hope it will be, but I won’t get my hopes up.

The New Day vs. The Revival for the WWE Smackdown Tag Team Championships: The brunt of this feud will be explained later on when I talk about the WWE Championship match, but there are some small things to go over. While Orton feuded with Kingston, Orton decided to get some help on his side in the form of the Revival. The Revival then assisted Orton in dismantling the New Day, and they put both Big E and Xavier Woods out of action for a while. So now that Woods and Big E are back, the two want revenge. So that is the origin of this match, and it is actually one I’m looking forward to. We’ve been robbed of this match in the past, and now we can get it on a proper pay per view. I think that the Revival will win here, because I don’t think that this feud will be over, and the heels being able to take the title off of the faces is a good way to keep things exciting. I am looking forward to this match a lot, and I think it has the potential to be one of the best on the card.

Braun Strowman and Seth Rollins vs. Bobby Roode & Dolph Ziggler for the WWE Raw Tag Team Championships: This match is only happening because they needed an extra bit of intrigue to add to the Universal Championship match. So Strowman and Rollins both had problems with the OC, so despite the fact that they were basically feuding over the Universal Championship they decided to challenge for the Tag Team Championships, and they ended up winning. So Seth is a double champ, and Strowman made it no secret that he wanted the Universal Championship as well. To decide a #1 contender, there was a tag team turmoil match, where Roode and Ziggler were thrown together randomly but ended up winning after beating four other teams. So I think that due to the tension between Strowman and Rollins, they will choke this match and Roode and Ziggler will get the win. The tag team belts should be contested in the midcard, and Roode and Ziggler have the name value and talent to elevate them a bit. I think this could be an exciting match, but I’m pretty unsure. If they don’t overbook this match to all hell, then I bet it’ll be good or even great. But if the only thing that is important to the writers is the World Championship match, then this will probably suffer. I’ll choose to be optimistic though, and look forward to this match.

Shinsuke Nakamura vs. the Miz for the WWE Intercontinental Championship: this match sorta arose from a feud between the Miz and Sami Zayn. The two argued on Miz TV about how Zayn hasn’t been performing very well, and Zayn announced that he’d be taking time away from being in the ring to start managing. His first client is Nakamura, who immediately attacked Miz. Miz received another couple of beatdowns over the course of a few weeks, until Miz decided to challenge for the belt. I think that Shinsuke wins this match, because the pairing of him and Zayn is working out really well. They need to go on a bit of a win streak, because this pairing is a breath of fresh air into both of them. I think that this could be a secret good match, because Miz can really turn it up when he wants to. I have high hopes for this, and I hope that I’m not disappointed.

AJ Styles vs. Cedric Alexander for the WWE United States Championship: this match started off in an odd way, with Styles and the OC attacking Alexander backstage one week in a seemingly random way. A few weeks later, Alexander and Styles fought in a singles match that ended in a DQ, and then Alexander pinned Styles in a 10 man tag later that night, scoring him this opportunity. I think that Alexander is going to pick up the win, just because I think AJ needs to be elevated into the main event scene. Alexander deserves a midcard run with the title, and he can put on some great matches. That belt needs to be used to elevate people again, and to make more main event stars. Hopefully this is a way to do it. This is the match that I am most looking forward to given how great these two guys are, and it’s a match I haven’t seen before. I bet this one will steal the show, and I can’t wait to see it.

Bayley vs. Charlotte Flair for the WWE Smackdown Women’s Championship: originally, this match was made because Charlotte was being incredibly cocky, to the point that Bayley had to challenge her to a match. But since Bayley turned heel alongside Sasha Banks, it has now become an interesting heel on heel battle. Bayley still feels like Charlotte is too entitled and wants to put her in her place, while Charlotte says that Bayley is a snake, and wants to expose her. For a heel on heel match, I’m into this. I still think Bayley should win, especially now that she’s turned heel. She wants some momentum coming out of the heel turn, and this is how you do it. This could be a great match, and I think given the story, it just might be.

Becky Lynch vs. Sasha Banks for the WWE Raw Women’s Championship: this match started with Banks’ return. She came back and immediately turned heel and attacked Natalya in order to get Lynch’s attention, and she certainly did. Since then, the two have dueled on the mic, with Banks saying that Lynch was gifted her success by having her face broken, and Lynch saying that Banks was the greatest wrestler to have never been great. I’m really excited for this, because this is Lynch’s first challenger that feels like has a chance against her, and I actually think Banks will win. Banks will win this match, and then her and Lynch can feud a bit more and have Lynch win it back in a few months. There is money to be made with Banks and Bayley at the top of the women’s division as heels, and I think that is the story they should go with. I also think this will be a great match, because these two have put on awesome matches in NXT, and I suspect they can do it again.

Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton for the WWE Championship: This match definitely goes back far. Orton challenged Kingston for the Championship at Summerslam, and in the lead up to the match, they referenced how Orton actively held Kingston back from the main event ten years ago. However, at Summerslam, the match ended in a double count out when Orton started to taunt Kingston’s family, and the two brawled. Those attacks on Kingstons family have continued, with Orton and the Revival constantly ambushing the New Day, even taking Big E and Woods out for a time. Now things have become more and more personal over the course of the feud, with things climaxing here. I think this match will have some sort of screwy finish once again, like maybe with Orton winning by DQ. So that will be my pick, and they will probably go on to have a match at Hell in a Cell. I don’t expect much out of this match, but maybe the actual blowofff will be good.

Seth Rollins vs. Braun Strowman for the WWE Universal Championship: this match doesn’t have the strongest story, but a lot of intrigue. Strowman made his intentions known for the WWE Universal Championship, but he and Rollins continued to have problems with the OC, so they teamed up and won the belts from Anderson and Gallows. Now, their Universal Championship match is still on, but they are partners as well, very exciting. I think Rollins will win here, because he is more than likely going to take on Bray Wyatt at Hell in a Cell, and that is a match that I need to see. So Rollins will more than likely retain here, because this just isn’t the time for Strowman. Maybe this will be a good match, but I’m not looking forward to it beyond the tension that this match will cause during the tag match earlier.

[chriswdelgado]

Hell in a Cell 2019 Review

This is an exciting time to be a wrestling fan. With the premiere of AEW Dynamite on TNT, NXT on USA, and Smackdown on Fox, there are a lot of changes and, more importantly, there’s a noticeable effort from everyone involved to put on good shows and impress people.

I’ve been a fan of wrestling for years now, but recently I stopped watching because I was getting tired of the same stale product (I can’t remember exactly when I stopped watching; I think it was sometime around 2015). I’ve tried to get back into since then. I watched Wrestlemania this year and a handful of Raws and Smackdowns, but I was never consistent.

Last week’s plethora of premieres, though, seemed like the perfect time to start again, and honestly, I was impressed by most of what I saw from all the shows. As such, I will continue to watch them, and, since I’m doing that, I figured why not journal my thoughts? These aren’t meant to be any sort of definitive judgements, nor do I know very much about the intricacies of the business. I’m just one fan, giving my opinions. If nothing else, maybe these will serve as a record of the shows’ quality and motivation for me to continue watching if they ever start to dip.

Now, with that preamble out of the way, let’s get into Hell in a Cell.

First of all, I want to say that overall I enjoyed the show. I know that a lot of people would say the opposite, and trust me, I understand. We’ll get there. But I personally found a lot to like here. The tornado tag team match was enjoyable; I liked the ending to the women’s tag team match with the green mist, and I liked Charlotte Flair vs. Bayley. The Viking Raiders and Braun Strowman vs. The O.C. was fine, but mostly forgettable, as was Randy Orton vs. Ali, and I ended up fast forwarding through Baron Corbin vs. Chad Gable. But those were only three matches, and they were mostly short.

My favorite match of the night was Becky Lynch vs. Sasha Banks for the Raw Women’s Championship. I’ve always been a fan of the Hell in a Cell gimmick, even in its much tamer modern incarnation. To that point, the fact that the cell was red actually made it less ominous to me, like it was some sort of toy you might expect to use with your action figures. When the cell is the color of steel, it looks real, and it looks dangerous. For some reason, I’m pretty sure no one was saying, “You know what would make Hell in a Cell better? If the cell was red.” Personally, I think they should do away with the Hell in a Cell pay per view entirely. Seeing the cell every year diminishes its grandeur and menace. Keep it in storage, and only bring it out occasionally for the big, blow-off matches to end long, bitter feuds.

With that being said, Lynch and Banks had an incredible match. As I said before, I haven’t been watching recently, so I didn’t know the specifics of their feud, but that didn’t matter. Their match told a clear story of a struggle between two wrestlers for the championship, and that’s all you really need. I know the WWE will never get as violent as they used to, but even still, they made good use of the weapons that they were allowed to use. My only issue would be that I don’t quite believe that these two hated each other so much that they would inflict that much damage on each other, but again, that would be solved by only using the cell when it’s necessary. Even so, it’s clear Lynch and Banks poured their hearts into that match, and that made it extremely enjoyable to watch.

Now, it wouldn’t be wrasslin’ without a bit of controversy, so let’s dig into Seth Rollins vs. “The Fiend” Bray Wyatt. First of all, I want to say that I was looking forward to this match. This was the kind of match that should have taken place in Hell in a Cell: you’ve had Bray Wyatt attacking Rollins every chance he gets. He’s dangerous, and Rollins is pissed off. You need the cell to contain the explosive energy of their clash.

First, the good. I like Bray Wyatt. His mask is cool, and when he plays The Fiend, he goes all in, which actually ensures that he doesn’t look stupid when he does it (and it’s a fine line he has to walk to avoid looking stupid). I liked the first part of the match, where Rollins and Wyatt were actually fighting each other, and to be honest, I liked the second part too, where Rollins kept trying more elaborate and violent things to put away Bray Wyatt, but Wyatt kept getting up.

However, let’s talk about the finish. Rollins stacks a ladder, a chair, and a tool box(?) on top of Wyatt and tries to hit it with a sledge hammer. The referee warns him not to do this, but he does it anyway, causing the referee to stop the match. While the crowd erupts in boos, medical staff rush out to haul Wyatt away, but Wyatt leaps off the gurney and applies the mandible claw on Rollins so hard that blood pours from his mouth (which is impossible). Wyatt leaves Rollins in a pool of his own mouth-blood, laughs, and then the screen cuts off. Rollins remains the champion.

First of all, the idea that a referee can stop a Hell in a Cell match is frankly ludicrous. The whole gimmick of the match is that it’s violent, disturbing, the devil’s playground. Yet the moment we see “real” violence, we’re told that this isn’t the case. The referee stopping the match reminds us that this is all just pretend. If Bray Wyatt was a real fiend/demon creature, why would the referee be worried about Rollins hurting/killing him? He should want Rollins to put this thing away so he doesn’t have to look at it anymore. But he doesn’t. Instead, out comes the stretcher, and kayfabe’s corpse is dragged through the mud.

However, I would argue that the problem with this match wasn’t necessarily the ending. The problem was that this particular match was done too early. Wyatt shouldn’t have gone against the champion without more matches under his belt. We should have seen him attacking other wrestlers, putting them away in violent fashion to build up his menace. I don’t think anyone really believed that Bray Wyatt would win the championship, and that’s the issue at hand. I think that if we’d gotten the same match, with the same finish, but without the added caveat of it being for a championship, people wouldn’t have had a problem with it. To me, Wyatt making Rollins bleed from the mouth seems like something that would normally be done in an injury angle, where Rollins would go away for a few months or a year. But since he’s the champion, we know that won’t happen.

Although kayfabe is dead, and that makes me sad, the WWE still wants to keep some resemblance of realism in their product. As good as he is, Bray Wyatt is likely to never win the championship. It’s not the 80s/90s anymore. We, the audience, know that, so don’t put him in a championship match where you have to fuck the finish. Put him in a grudge match where he can be as crazy and violent as he wants. What the WWE needs to learn, and I think this is actually a Triple H created problem, is that not everyone has to be the champion, and that not every match needs to be the main event.

So yes, the main event’s finish was bad, but I liked the match leading up to the finish, and I liked a lot of the other matches on the card, especially Lynch vs. Banks. While it’s true, the show might have been better if they trimmed some of the excess matches and produced a shorter, more refined product, it’s also true that the WWE is going in the opposite direction, preferring longer shows to shorter ones, and I don’t foresee that changing any time soon. Overall, I had a good time watching this show. Maybe that’s because this is my first pay per view in a while, and I’m not yet livid at stupid WWE booking (TM). But before I go, I’ll leave you with a question to ponder. Is whether a show is good or not dependent only on the outcome of its main event?

[llzehs]

Dean Ambrose Says “I Nearly Died” While Explaining Recent Health Complications

Dean Ambrose was recently interviewed by The Monitor. This was in order to promote the upcoming WWE live event in Edinburg, Texas. During the interview, Ambrose revealed that he suffered some health complications while he was out with his triceps injury.

Here is what he said:

“It’s good to get back out in front of people. I had a lot of frustration I needed to really get out that built up over the last eight months. It was a long, long period of time. Much longer than would have been anticipated.

It was just one nightmare after another. It was a pretty challenging period of time to go through. I ended up having two different surgeries. I had this MRSA, Staph infection. I nearly died. I was in the hospital for a week plugged up to this antibiotic drip thing, and I was on all these antibiotics for months that make you puke and crap your pants.

So it was a pretty rough time. My arm wasn’t healing correctly, and my triceps. It’s kind of an indeterminate period where I initially hurt it. I thought it was, we call it Dusty elbows. It’s a pretty typical wrestler thing. You just get this bursa sac of fluid on your elbow from banging it on the mat or whatever. I’ve had that dozens of times on both elbows. It usually just goes away. It was kind of disguised. By the time I finally went and got the first surgery, my triceps was already starting to atrophy and look weird. I wasn’t able to flex my triceps for a really long time. And then the first surgery didn’t really, something went wrong in the process. Probably due to that infection. It’s kind of hard to say when that really even got in my body. This is a long answer to your question. But for a minute there, it was getting scary. By the time I got that second surgery, it was March, I think. My arm was so shrunken and skeletal that it was weird. I hadn’t been able to move it or flex it in so long that I was starting to get scared I wasn’t ever going to get it back. To go from not being able to eat my Froot Loops, to being able to get back in the ring and throw people around and throw punches and do everything back to normal, it was a very gratifying feeling.”

I am honestly, utterly terrified. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK??

This is so fucking scary and really puts in perspective what these wrestlers do for our entertainment. He nearly lost his life and none of us had any idea. I am so so so grateful cuz I truly adore Dean and believe he deserves all the good things in the world. For him to have had such a tough life and now going through something nearly traumatic like this, I am really so proud of him being able to fight it all off and get back where he deserves to be. He worked hurt for too long, shows you what kind of a guy he really is. He put his health on the line for his work. I hope WWE takes better care of him in the future and all of their wrestlers because nothing is worth their lives. Dean is truly one of a kind and I wish him all the best in the future. Hopefully he never has to endure something like this ever again.

[gamerssphere]

It was finally the time for us to see the Money In The Bank pay per view of the year, an event where we got to see a lot of fights, taking up a lot of time, with a lot of ladders. Let’s check what happened during this event.

Daniel Bryan vs Big Cass

The first match of the night had the recently-recovered duo of Daniel Bryan and Big Cass going against each other. Since the beginning, the crowd let us know who they were rooting for with their “YES! YES! YES!” chants.

Cass came in really confident, and he handled the times of the match really well, with Bryan only being able to counter every once in a while, always being supported by the entire coliseum. Of course, there was an Achilles’ Talon for Cass: his left knee, and Bryan was going to use that against him. At this point, Bryan starts getting momentum and gets the upper hand on Cass by even throwing himself from the top rope of the corner to Big Cass who was outside of the ring.

Unfortunately for Big Cass, Daniel Bryan was finally able to lock his submission, making him tap out and lose this match.

We get a segment with The New Day and Kevin Owens, where the longest reigning Tag Team Champions are still trying to decide who will be at the Money in the Bank ladder match, and Kevin Owens gets in there with some pancakes. The usual odd segment we get in PPVs.

Sami Zayn vs Bobby Lashley

This match is happening, pretty much, because WWE creatives have no idea about what to do with The Walking Armageddon, Bobby Lashley. This has been an absurd feud, with just so much stupidity that I can’t wait for it to be over, hopefully, with Lashley destroying Zayn.

The match started the way we would’ve expected: with Sami running around, trying to get Lashley to make a mistake. Remember that Kevin Owens vs Goldberg match for the Universal Championship? Same thing.

This match makes no sense. Lashley is a beast, and he starts by getting handled easily by Sami. A simple punch to Lashley’s back takes him down. That’s just not believable at all. Finally, Lashley starts attacking Sami, this is what we can believe, he can destroy his competition. Why is he not in any Championship match?

In the end, Lashley hits a Flag Suplex on Sami and covers him with just one hand to his chest to get the pin. Useless match, really.

Intercontinental Championship – Seth Rollins vs Elias

We get another segment, this time, a musical one with Elias. Love him or hate him, dude knows how to handle the crowd, and he can play the guitar for sure. The crowd is actually listening to him, but he decides to stop playing. Seth makes his entrance to start the match.

We have to admit that, when it comes to RAW (and even maybe, SmackDown Live), Seth Rollins is the best wrestler, bringing the Intercontinental Championship up the ranks -mostly knowing how the Universal Championship has been useless for the past 2 years- as he keeps an Open Challenge for the belt, defending it pretty much every single week against whoever is up for the challenge.

Seth starts by attacking Elias and handling for a bit; however, Elias is able to counter by causing Seth to hit his neck on the apron. Remember, Seth has been attacked by Elias the last couple of weeks, causing him some -possibly- minor injury in the neck area.

We see the first drop of blood in the event when Seth starts bleeding from his mouth.But this doesn’t stop our champion, who takes out all of his arsenal against Elias, just the way a championship belt should be defended. Every single Pay Per View at least.

Rollins seems to have got injured, his right knee might be in troubles after he jumped from the top rope above Elias, and this is something the challenger takes advantage of, almost pinning the champ. Even with this possible injury, Seth is using all of his moves, and the best part of it is that Elias is taking them like a champ, too. Elias goes nuts attacking Rollins outside the ring, against the ringside wall, the corner post and then against the metal steps. Rollins kicked out of the pin at 2 and a half.

In the end, Rollins wins in a rather controversial way, as Elias made a count but Seth held Elias’ pants to get the pin. This feud isn’t over, and I’m glad about it.

Women’s Money in the Bank Ladder Match

Sasha Banks vs Becky Lynch vs Ember Moon vs Natalya vs Naomi vs Lana vs Alexa Bliss vs Charlotte Flair

This year, unlike last year’s match, involves 8 women, 4 for each brand. All of them wanting both, a contract that they can cash in at any moment in the next 365 days for a championship match opportunity, and the bragging rights for their brands, being able to say their brand brought in the contract. This might well be a new kind of Bragging Rights.

I’m rooting for RAW on this one, given how SmackDown got the very first Women��s Money in the Bank Ladder Match.

As soon as the bell rang, all 8 women started the action. They are fearless and reckless this time; however, for some reason, they seem to prefer using their normal attacks against each other rather than giving a different use to the many ladders around the ring. The first one getting hit with a ladder is Sasha Banks, as Ember Moon used a moonsault and got Sasha to fall on top of a ladder, followed by Lana hitting her finisher on the edge of the ladder to get Ember out of the ring, knocked out, but before she was able to set the ladder, Natalya hit her on the ladder too, and defended herself against Naomi. Charlotte is finally the only one in the ring, until Becky appears to fight her best friend.

At this point, there are bodies everywhere, this is war for sure. We start seeing a pseudo team between Naomi and Ember Moon, in order to take Becky Lynch out of the action.

Now we get to what seems to be the culmination of the match, every woman is on top of a ladder, as Lana brought a super big ladder, this might just be what Alexa Bliss needed since she couldn’t reach the briefcase on a regular ladder.

  Interestingly enough, Lana seems to be the one closer to winning, but the Naomi gets to the briefcase and couldn’t get it out of the hook, so Beckly Lynch capitalizes on this mistake, but Charlotte goes against her friend, until Alexa takes the ladder down, just to get a spear by Charlotte.

In the end, Becky Lynch got to the briefcase, and couldn’t get it off the hook either, just to get thrown down the ladder by Alexa Bliss, who ended up taking the briefcase. What an amazing match this was!

[su_spoiler title=”Match Photos” style=”fancy”]

[/su_spoiler]

Now to another segment, this time between both General Managers, Kurt Angle and Paige, who discuss about RAW getting the first briefcase and discussing about the next ladder match, for men. Baron Corbin appears to interrupt, only to get owned by Paige as she tells him that he is just angry because he unsuccessfully cashed in his Money in the Bank contract last year.

Jinder Mahal vs Roman Reigns

This feud is…I don’t even know what adjective to give in here. Basically, Jinder has attacked Roman before, costing him some wins. Roman claims Jinder is the cause of him not being Universal Champion, but being fair, that’s on the referee who decided to give Lesnar the win over him in their Steel Cage match at the Greatest Royal Rumble.

This is just a “random” match. Roman starts by handling the Modern Day Maharaja easily, until Sunil Sighn interferes and pushes Roman against the corner post. After that, Jinder started owning the match.

Usually, it is fun seeing a match where both wrestlers get the upper hand for a while against each other. This match is not one of them. It is not hyped at all, it is not important either. This match, shouldn’t have happened. Even the crowd is chanting about other wrestlers, not about this match, there’s a wave going on in the crowd as well, they couldn’t care less about this match, I’m on the same boat.

Oh! There’s blood in Jinder’s face. This is picking up my interest now. Roman hits the Superman Punch on Sunil and Jinder, hits Sunil with a Spear, the Maharaja receives another Spear and Roman wins. What a surprise…

SmackDown Women’s Championship – Carmella vs Asuka

Carmella starts by showboating quite a bit, this is a rather dangerous strategy, as Asuka stars attacking with all of her usual intensity. Of course, Carmella tries to run away with her belt, but Asuka doesn’t allow her to do so as she attacks the champion from the apron.

The champ locks here “Silence Code” on Asuka, but without locking her feet, which allowed Asuka to escape the lock. Interestingly enough, Carmella is bringing the fight to Asuka, and that’s certainly good to see given how just a few have some hopes on the champ; however, it could certainly hurt if Asuka doesn’t win, as the WWE would be giving the Empress of Tomorrow too many loses recently.

Unlike what everybody would’ve thought, this match is really good, and Carmella is super competitive against the Empress of Tomorrow.

Wait! What the hell is going on. Another person, with Asuka’s mask appears on the apron, and Asuka is completely lost in the match now. This person takes the mask off, it is James Ellsworth! And Carmella hits Asuka with a Super Kick and retains her title! What the hell?!

WWE Championship – AJ Styles vs Shinsuke Nakamura

This is certainly the final round in this feud, a Last Man Standing match can’t be used for anything else, right?

Quickly, the match went outside the ring, with both competitors causing as much pain in the other as possible; however, it is too early to have a 10 count, even if they are doing everything to knock their opponent out. They are not using any weapons, though, and I want blood.

Nakamura is dominating the match so far and AJ looks hurt and without air. I’m getting worried about the champ’s form right now. It was just a matter of time before the fight went to the crowd, as they went to fight right where the crowd is, I wouldn’t have expected less from this match.

They are really hurting each other, and we can see the result in AJ’s face. So far, the match has been rather clean, with both wrestlers attacking each other with everything they have, without using external objects or anything.

Nakamura throws AJ to the top of one of the commentators’ tables and ends up hitting the Kinshasa on AJ, but the count ended at 9 as the champ got back up. Nakamura seems to be on the way to win this match, and the championship, but AJ is taking every hit and getting back up. Nakamura takes out a table from under the ring, interestingly enough, AJ is on the mat in the ring but there’s no count going on.

Nakamura gets the table to the ring, and gets AJ to go through it, but again, the count ends at 9. If Nakamura is to win the championship, this is when. Of course,  Nakamura hurts his knee giving AJ the possibility to capitalize on it, going as far as hitting the Calf Crusher and getting Nakamura to tap out, but this match is only won by a 10 count.

AJ hits Nakamura with a chair, and the heel even pledges for some mercy just to hit AJ with a low kick, again, followed by a another Kinshasa, but the count went just up to 9 again. AJ goes and hits the Styles Clash from the metal steps to the floor, Nakamura seems to be done, but he gets up at 9 and a half for some reason. What a match!

The champ hits Nakamura with a low kick as well, and hits a Phenomenal Forearm from the ring to the announce table and gets the 10 count! The champ has retained!

[su_spoiler title=”Match Photos” style=”fancy”]

[/su_spoiler]

RAW Women’s Championship – Ronda Rousey vs Nia Jax

Is Ronda ready to become a WWE Champion?

The match starts super aggressive with Nia attacking Ronda in the corner, Ronda tries to lock here armbar but Nia picks her up and takes her out of the ring. Nia is now dominating the baddest woman in the world.

Ronda is trying to attack Nia, but there’s nothing she can do right now, or at least that’s what it looks like. Nia is simply killing her in the ring, but Ronda keeps kicking out of every pin attempt, bringing frustration to Nia’s face and attack.

Ronda is going to do anything it takes to win this match, locks the armbar using the ropes and hurts Nia, then goes to the top rope and hits Nia, throws some punches and even hits a side suplex on the champ.

[su_spoiler title=”Match Photos” style=”fancy”][/su_spoiler]

Ronda is ready to lock her submission, but Alexa Bliss appears attacking Ronda with her newly acquired briefcase, and takes her out, along with the RAW Women’s Champion.

RAW Women’s Championship Part 2 – Alexa Bliss vs Nia Jax

Alexa cashes in her briefcase and the crowd went completely crazy as she hits Nia with everything she has to become the new RAW Women’s Champion!

[su_spoiler title=”Match Photos” style=”fancy”]

[/su_spoiler]

Men’s Money in the Bank Ladder Match

Samoa Joe vs Finn Balor vs Rusev vs Kevin Owens vs Bobby Roode vs The Miz vs Braun Strowman vs Kofi Kingston

Same as with the women’s match, we have 8 contenders in here, 4 for each brand, and they are all seeking the same thing: to reach the Money in the Bank briefcase to, hopefully, do the same as Alexa Bliss just did, and become the next big champion.

The match starts as we all thought, every wrestler attacking Braun Strowman, but this is able to get them out of the ring. Braun might be the favorite, but it will always take the attack of everyone to just try to keep him out of the battle. This is a 7 on 1 match, and there’s no other way this could’ve been.

At one point there’s only Finn and Kevin Owens in the match, but all their hits look fake, I have not seen such an awful match-up in WWE in a long time, I can’t believe these two can’t sell their punches and moves in this stage, I’m completely disappointed in both of these guys, but luckily, Rusev takes Kevin Owens out, just to be taken out by Samoa Joe, ending up with Kofi taking Joe out. Might Kofi be the one to win this match?

At this point, Braun comes back from under the ladders, but he is taken down by attacks from Samoa Joe, Rusev and Kevin Owens, but Braun is able to counter their attacks, ending up with a knocked out Kevin Owens as he threw him from the top of a super tall ladder through a table.

This is not a match about getting the briefcase, it is about damaging the Monster Among Men, and that’s the best that could’ve happened to this match.

With Braun out, Rusev takes everybody else out, but when he was about to get the briefcase, Miz took the ladder down, and went up the ladder, but, Braun appears again, taking everybody out and finally getting the briefcase. We have Mr. Money in the Bank now!

[su_spoiler title=”Match Photos” style=”fancy”]

[/su_spoiler]

This is certainly Braun’s year, and this years Money in the Bank was one of the best in recent years. RAW certainly earned the bragging rights as it took home both of the briefcases, with one of them already getting successfully cashed in.

#WWE #MoneyInTheBank 2018 - Where's My Money? #MITB It was finally the time for us to see the Money In The Bank pay per view of the year, an event where we got to see a lot of fights, taking up a lot of time, with a lot of ladders.

[baker-mayfield]

Just Keep Breathing - Seth Rollins

A/N: Hi, yes. I was bored. Like totally bored and I figured I should give the imagine writing life a try. So here is my first ever imagine and i hope that it doesn't suck. I honestly wrote this in the middle of the night because Rollins got me all bothered and he's 100% yummy.  I recommend him to everyone. If enough people like it, I'll probably continue it because.... Why not? I'm honestly sorry for any errors and rambles....Oh, and for how fucking long this is....

WORDS: 2.4K

WARNINGS: angst, cheating, and maybe swearing?

I was happy in NXT. Honestly, I could have retired there and I would have been perfectly fine. After two years of seeing my friends come and go, and moving onto bigger and not so bigger things on the main shows- anyone would think that I would be ready to move on.

 To have my time in the spotlight. It seemed like that’s what the fans were waiting for. But somehow, Vince never felt I was ready to be called up. I liked to think that they didn’t know what to do with me. I was a smaller girl. Almost as small as Alexa Bliss. I started out as an announcer backstage, then I moved onto be a valet… Then, they finally gave me a chance to work in the right. Being a WWE wrestler was everything I dreamed of. I wanted to be like Lita but as loved as Trish Stratus. I wanted to make history like Mae Young. Because of my small size, it was hard for them to know what to do with me. That’s why they haven’t moved me to the main roster. I just knew it. They already have Alexa Bliss as the small girl on RAW, they didn’t need another shorty on the main show.

…. Okay, I’m lying. Not about my beginnings, but why I haven’t moved up. They’ve begged me to come to the main show. Even before Alexa Bliss was drafted to Smackdown. Each time, I would tell them, “No. I wasn’t ready” or “No, I really want to fight with the new girl”. Every time they asked, I had a new lie. It wasn’t my fault, it was because of him. He was the man that ran the place, and he was the one man I couldn’t go face to face with. I haven’t seen him in close to five years. Crazy, I know. I stayed in NXT that long because of a guy. I think Hunter knew the reason, but he had always danced around it. To avoid me breaking down as usual. As far as everyone was concerned, I was happy on NXT and I was happy putting over the new talent that came in the busy.

I’ve had Sasha, Charlotte, Becky and even Bailey try to convince me to join them on the main roster. I’ve been there for years, they’ll say. There was nothing left to accomplish. Well, that was right. But as long as The Man was there, I was never going to the main show full time. The closest I got to the main show was when Seth was gone with his first injury. I made my main show debut just enough to help Sasha Banks when she needed to even the playing field with the Bella Twins. Luckily that only lasted from December until April. As soon as the storyline was done, I begged to go back to NXT. It didn’t matter what Dean or Roman would say- I was ready to go back to where I knew I was safe

Now, you’re probably asking why ‘why do I not like Seth Rollins?’ You’re wrong. I don’t dislike Seth Rollins, I hated him 

I was ready for the ride to the top with him. In a few years, he was going to be WWE World Heavyweight Champion and I would be the Women’s Champion. We had it all planned out. I couldn’t tell you how we started to date. It started with friendly competitions in his hotel room. I would play him in Madden, WWE games, poker. You name it. We even traveled together, and it go to the point where people thought we were dating before we were actually dating. He was my best friend. It was HIS idea to try out a relationship. Everyone was ‘for’ the idea of us being official. The way we followed each other around backstage and joked, we neither to bang or something. Our relationship survived a lot. He was being an NXT champion and I was going from job to job backstage because Hunter was clueless as to where I would be the right fit. It survived when The Shield debut and it survived when Seth turned on Roman and Dean.

No matter where I was, I was always the supportive girlfriend. Not supportive enough at least.

Seth had won the WWE World Heavyweight Championship and he had changed. I didn’t notice it, but everyone else did. He was way more self centered. I didn’t notice the change. As caring as Seth was, he was always the cockiest guy ever. When we finally had time to spend time together, it felt like he was miles away. The conversation would feel dry. During my ‘congrats’ dinner for becoming the NXT Women’s Champion, he was way more interested in his phone. I figured it was my fault that he didn’t care. I was still in NXT and he was in the big league. It was like he was out of my league. Which he was. He was fighting in front of thousands on a weekly basis and I was fighting… Well, I was fighting at Full Sail University. He never said anything, so I never suspected anything.

Boy was I wrong. I was so so so SO wrong about us and our situation. I had some time to spend with him. He promised to make it up to me since he was being distant. I thought maybe this was our chance to fix everything that have went wrong. After all, we’ve been dating for close to three years. We debuted in NXT around the same time. We’ve been through thick and thin while we were on the show. It sounded stupid that our relationship could handle a little space just because I was on NXT and he was always on the main event of Raw.

I got my hair done just the way that he liked it. I even made sure to pack the lingerie that he loved. Hell, I packed his favorite perfume. All just for a good time with my boyfriend. I was stupid to think my boyfriend could be main eventing on Raw and wait around for his girlfriend who was on NXT.

We had dinner plans that night. A nice romantic dinner. Seth was in the shower as I was sliding on my dress. His favorite dress, may I add. I have received his attention so many times in this dress. I was sure I could do it again tonight. Then his phone vibrated. He had never told me that I couldn’t look at his phone. There was barely anything to look at. It was just the picture of us kissing. The picture was taken minutes after he had become Mr. Money in the Bank. Then there were his usual boring notifications. Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Emails… and when I looked at the most recent notification, it was a text message from an unknown sender. It wasn’t the fact that the person wasn’t saved in his contact that freaked me out… Seth had a habit of waiting until the last moment to add people to his contacts. It was the fact that the only notification was that the person had texted him. There was no text preview. That should’ve been a sign to look away.

Yet, I couldn’t stop looking. He never hid his text previews. Not even from me. Since I heard the water in the shower still running, I typed in his passcode to his phone. I was biting nervously on my lip as I went to his text messages. I clicked on the number and read what the person had to say.

“Am I seeing you tonight? You don’t have to see your girlfriend. We both know that I’m more than enough company for you.”

“Does she know that you don’t love her anymore?”

“I bet you she doesn’t treat you the way that a champion should be treated. She’s so below you, she’s a total waste of your time.”

My heart dropped and I had to call Becky, who was my best friend. When she didn’t answer, I felt my whole world collapse. Maybe I was reading too much into it. Who am I kidding, I was reading exactly what Seth had felt about me.

As I scrolled up, the conversation have been going on a few months after he had won the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. Just when he sent her why he was sticking with me, the messages scrolled all the way back to the bottom. She had sent him a nude. Just then, I wanted to puke. She was gorgeous. Tall, beautiful, and blonde. I looked down at myself and had to fight back the tears. I didn’t look like her. Seth didn’t love me. All those times, he thought I was beautiful- he was lying.

It felt like years has went by. His phone was hot in my hands and my eyes were both burning and blurry from the tears. I didn’t hear Seth get out of the shower either. He was blasting whatever the band of the day was and he was singing along. I didn’t snap out of it until he called my name. I was frozen. I would’ve been one of those girls that would’ve went through their nights acting like nothing was wrong, but that would’ve hurt. I probably would kill him because the texts and her would be going through my mind all during dinner.

Seth called my name again and I just let the water works go. There was a huge lump in my throat and I couldn’t talk. He stepped closer to me and saw what I was looking at. It was quiet for a moment until he talked.

“Y/N…..” Seth said softly as he grabbed his phone from me. Well, he tried to. I was holding onto it too tightly.

“No, Seth. I get it. I’m just wasting your time when you could be with anyone else in this goddamn world.” I finally let go of his phone and I just looked at him. “I can’t believe you’re mad at me because I’m living my dream in NXT and you’re on RAW. That’s not fair! I wanted to make it there myself, not because I’m sleeping with Seth freakin’ Rollins.” I cried out while wiping a tear. It was scary having this argument with him.

We argued before but it was over stupid things. Stupid things like where to go to dinner, who’s turn is it to pick a movie, who’s turn is it to drive…. It was stuff that can be settled in minutes. This couldn’t be handled in minutes and it couldn’t be handled in hours. It could barely be settled in months. He was cheating, and he couldn’t lie and say that he wasn’t.

“I… I didn’t mean to. I get lonely on the road and-“ he kept going on and on with his excuses. Like an idiot, I nodded my head. I listened to him, hoping to find some truth in there and I couldn’t. I knew that he thought she was hotter than me. I saw it in the texts. I knew that he wasn’t happy with me, once again- I saw it in the texts. There was nothing he could say to exactly ease my mind.

I stood up and left his house. I haven’t looked back since. I only came back when I knew he was gone and that was just to get the things that I held dear to my heart and my clothes. I didn’t want him to have any memory of me or any of my stuff. He broke my heart, and he didn’t deserve to look at my things.

That was almost two years ago. To this day, I wanted nothing to do with the main roster. I avoided all call ups. It was to the point that I was wondering why exactly they begging for me to be called up. Each time, I was going to say no. Seth have tried to call and text me. He even called and texted Becky. Becky was a good friend and told him that I didn’t want to talk to him. If I did want to talk to him, she promised him that I will call him. Have I called him? Nope, never. I had no intent.

It was minutes after Takeover: Brooklyn III.  I had just lost my NXT Women’s Championship and if no one could tell, I was frustrated. Actually, I wanted to cry. But after crying for months because of Seth, I didn’t have enough tears in me anymore. I was over him, but crying for months on end took a lot of work

I had grabbed a towel to dry my face off with… That’s when Hunter approached me and congratulated on a good match. I looked at him weirdly while listening to him compliment my skills. That’s when I knew where this was heading.

“No, I’m not getting moved up to the main roster. Nope. I have to get my title back and I have a rematch clause. You can’t just-” I was speaking at 100 words per minute. But Hunter stopped me.

Triple H sighed and he knew exactly where this was going. But instead of walking away this time, he just stood there. He placed a hand on my shoulder, and patiently tried to put the words together. “You don’t have a choice this time. Vince wants you. It’s either go to the main roster or be fired.” Hunter explained to me and my mouth dropped. Vince was actually willing to fire me just because I didn’t want to go to the main roster? I was hurt. But I nodded my head and I agreed to go. Not that I had much of a choice this time. “Thank you. But I have to tell you… You’re going to RAW.” And with that, I would have rather be fired than work on RAW. I stomped my foot and walked away. I wasn’t crying. I wasn’t going to cry. I insisted as I got back to my locker room.

I’m going to RAW, I thought. It didn’t feel like it was real. I wish I wasn’t. But I had 24 hours to prepare myself for the run in that was going to change my life. I was going to make my debut at Summerslam. Great. Of all damn places. If it wasn’t a mixed show, I wouldn’t have been nervous. Hell, if Seth wasn’t there- I would’ve felt better. But, he was going to be there. There wasn’t enough places in the Barclay Arena to hide from him in. I didn’t plan on this happening. Hell, going to Smackdown would be 100% better. But no. I have to prepare myself all over again.

[tigermaskdan]

Dick Bag of the Week: SmackDown Edition

GUESS WHAT BITCHES.  You get a second column this week!  I’m pretty sure you won’t actually read it until you click to see next weekends football dick bag, but I don’t care!  Something really fucking stupid and terrible happened on SmackDown this week, and I’m going to discuss it!  Because I’m FUCKING HEATED.

Wrestling Dick Bag of the Week:

Jinder. Fucking. Mahal.  You’re what would happen if indifference started taking protein powder and wouldn’t shut up about maximizing your gains.  True story, I just now tried typing the sentence, “you’re like an Indian ‘______’” with like 5 different wrestlers and each time went, “Nah, that’s too harsh on ‘_____’”.  

Fun fact about Jinder Mahal, he’s the first wrestler since the inception of WWEShop.com to not have ANY merchandise for sale when he won the Championship.  His “personalized side plates” that are supposed to have his logo on them, just say “Jinder Mahal” in Papyrus font, which is the Jinder Mahal of fonts.

There are a lot, and I mean A LOT of reasons why I don’t like Jinder Mahal.  I’ve never seen him in a compelling match.  Like ever.  I’ve never been on the edge of my seat when he’s in the ring.  The only reason I watch any of his matches is just to see if he loses so that he can start his decent back down the card.  

Now, I’m not necessarily what you’d call a “moves guy.”  I enjoy seeing cool moves, but they aren’t necessary to my enjoyment of the product.  Edge is my favorite wrestler of all time, and when he was in the Main Event his move-set was not flashy at all.  That said, Jinder does no interesting moves.  He does that generic “I’m twisting your neck” rest hold, that only shitty low level heels do.  You know the one I’m talking about? The one where they twist the guys head like they’re about to snap their neck, but the guy is just sitting there with his arms and legs kind of flailing?  Everybody looks dumb doing that hold.

His finisher is one of those generic ones they give you until you come up with something cool, except Jinder hasn’t come up with anything cool.  I mean, how hard is it to flip through the “create-a-finishers” in WWE 2K17 and pick one?

When Jinder won I was shocked. Not in a surprise good way like I was when Jeff Hardy or Eddie Guerrero finally won the title.  No, I was shocked in a, “this goes against the internal logic of my brain” kind of way.  That said, I was in the “I’m going to give him a chance,” camp.  I certainly didn’t like it at the start, but I was going to give him a chance to prove it.

Since then, he’s won every single one of his WWE Championship bouts the same way, with the exact same kind of interference from his flunkies.  I was getting to the point where his time to prove himself was almost up for me, but if he managed to have a good match next PPV, maybe I’d still give him a chance.

He then took the last bit of good will I had towards him; pumped himself up so that he was extra veiny; and took a big old shit on it.

On SmackDown, Jinder gave possibly the worst segment in WWE history that didn’t involve someone recently deceased (and that’s one hell of a qualifier).  A character who’s whole character is based on xenophobia, proceeded to prove that we as fans are racist, by being SUPER FUCKING RACIST.  Because REASONS.  He went full on Mickey Rooney in Breakfast at Tiffanys on us.

PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING FANS chanted “that’s too far.”  These are people that thought this was acceptable:

I mean, CHRIST.

And you might be thinking, Dan, you blusterous sack of dolphin semen, Jinder is just playing a character.  Just following a script.  HE wasn’t saying the racist things, his character was and you got mad at him.  GOOD HEEL HEAT!

Well puss-burger, can I call you puss-burger? Yes puss-burger, you’re right, but this is pro-wrestling.  The best characters are people’s real personalities turned up to 11 (with the exception of like, the Undertaker).  As such, Jinder should be somewhat protective of himself.

Stone Cold talks about how when he got to the WWE he spoke up about what he wanted his character to be and when they gave him things that went against it he fought it.  Edge and AJ Styles have talked about how sometimes you need to speak up to the office if you think something like a special match up should be protected.  If you’re WWE Champion, and the boss wants you to go full blown racist, YOU SHOULD SPEAK THE FUCK UP. 

I get that it’s Vince, and he just handed you the title in May after you had been doing the honors for Gronk in April, but still, if you are going to be at the top of the card, and feel like you should be there, then you should take the initiative and speak up when a plan is bad.  I’m just a mark, but I find it hard to believe that guys that had extended runs at the top said yes to everything.

As far as the whole “all heat is good heat,” argument, I get it.  We’re supposed to be mad, and he’s making us mad.  But I know I’m at the point where it’s not, “oh I’m mad at you heat,” it’s “I don’t want you on my TV heat,” and I can’t be the only person there.  Every time he wins I feel nothing inside.  Just a void.  It’s like I hit the snooze on caring about THE MOST IMPORTANT BELT IN ALL OF PRO WRESTLING for another PPV cycle. 

So now, I’m done.  I’ve given you your chance.  Now you’re a character that complains about racism that is a HUGE FUCKING RACIST. 

In an exercise that often involves people pretending to hurt themselves one while, while actually hurting themselves in a different way, you are the most illogical thing.  You’ve done it.  Congrats.  Now please lose the fucking title and go back to the mid-card until you’ve actually learned something entertaining.

[justnotcricket]

Match Report: 25/11/17 WASTCA One-Day Div 2

Fremantle (8/241) def Subi Marist (9/163)

Mann Oval is a cricket ground in miniature. A tiny oval, a small man’s oval. An oval for small men… and for some, this was the first homecoming since the horrific ‘Mann Oval Massacre’…

When I arrived at the venue the last surviving veterans were at the Mosman Park Bowling Club, emotional wounds still so raw as to suggest they were drinking to forget…

Legend has it, in the first meeting between the recently estranged Fremantle Mosman Park One Day team and it’s previous fraternal masters, Sub Marist, tensions were at an all time high.

The rebellious FMPCC were looking to make a point of their desertion, and SMCC still hurt and reeling from the betrayal of their brothers, were determined to see them put in their place.

With plenty of pregame banter, the Pirates won the toss, elected to bat, and after all manner of failure, proceeded to shuffle like they had ne’er shuffled before. Subi’s opening bowler took 4 wickets and they were all out for 71.

It must have been mortifying.

Matty Angus, then captain of Subi Marist [!!!], smelled blood, promoted himself to number 3, [wasn’t required], and the opening batsmen made the runs in less than 5 overs.

Retribution. Merciless, and swift in its brutal execution. No wonder it still smarts, and is spoken of in hushed tones to this day…

Ray on the other hand, spared the indignity, wistfully reminisced about the time he won the Fred Mann Medal in under 12’s back in the 1930’s, and you felt like his was a different sort of homecoming; a washed out sky, the spires of Norfolk Pines piercing the lilac haze of Jacaranda, littered with mid twentieth century apartments where the poor people used to live. He was home, this was his country...

He then went on to joke about how Liz had some One Day International tickets, and was excited to be finally seeing some ‘real cricket’…

I’m not sure what she means by that.

What does she mean by that!?!

Sure, in second division no one ever really gives LBW, or stumpings for example, but for us the game is played with as much passion and rivalry as any Ashes Series.

Smith had just made a game-changing ton for Australia in Brisbane, and in our minds, we were there with him, facing every ball, grinding it out, warding off defeat, and sharing the triumph… 

Well, Dave Barratt was anyway. Still smarting from the slight of alleged boringness, strode out to the crease with the kind of steely determination that was ultimately even more boring.

We had won the toss and were batting.

Quinny at the other end, couldn’t help but entertain. Everyone loves a clown, but spare a thought for the sad man, whose heart and soul goes to making other men laugh.  

It’s a tough gig, and he does all his own slapstick…

Dubois opened the bowling with a haircut that would have looked quite handsome on a middle-aged woman from Claremont. Quinny blanched.

Elliot from the other, pranced in a merry dance from side on of the wicket. It was a fancy action; with a one, two, three, arms into 5th position, skip, hop, slide… and bowl. In my mind, I even see the tu-tu.

It was so distracting and Quinny had no option than to hit him down the ground. 

Dave Barratt turned 4’s into twos, and 2’s into 1’s and scintillating cricket into an afternoon nap. Quin farmed himself the strike to stay alert.

Broad shouldered Jonny came on to bowl, carrying the ball with a forward wrist that hung before his groin like a pendulous seedpod. It was kind of erotic in a way I can’t quite put my finger in.

Quinny rocked back and cut his first delivery, and followed it with a later cut, two balls later in fact.

Dave Barratt kept it sensible, head down, nothing silly, and was about as much fun as senior public servant ever really can be.

He did bring up the 50 off 10 overs but was caught for 18, closing a 63 run opening partnership.

Meanwhile, Australia approached the English total… in no small part due to Dave’s empathetic connection with the Australian captain.

I came in at number 3, and was feeling good. I saw the ball well, played some nice shots and some even more beautiful leaves, until Wynne came on and served a selection of fruity mince pies: my weakness at this time of year.

Our thinking was it was better to have Joe umpiring out in the middle annoying the opposition, than in the shed annoying us. It proved to be an oversight.

He gave me LBW with my back leg in the air to a high bouncing ball still in its way up!?! I think he fired me before it even connected…

Does he know I’m on our selection committee? Does he know I write the match report? Is the guy A COMPLETE IDIOT!?!

In the moment, I may have said a few harsh words that I will come to regret, but now that I have taken some time to think reasonably about this and let my emotions cool, I think it is time we fucked him off all together. 

It wasn’t the incorrectness of the decision, [Quinny said it was plumb, and I was playing across the line…again], but it was the sheer enjoyment of giving me out. Like he vicariously took the wicket!?! ‘How is that?’ he grinned!

You can get away with being a shit bloke like Darrell if we are really short of bowlers but not when you are in the team as part of the clubs ‘new member drive’.

I was out on 13. Unlucky for some...

Joe Dirt specifically.

He’ll be going for some long walks out of the nets on Tuesday, which will do us both good, I need to vent and he needs the exercise.

JL came in looking as relaxed as a man three beers in by midday, and set about constructing an innings. At drinks, we were two for 93. Quinny was on 49 and Australia lead by 29 runs.

Darrell made a great brew, only lacking rum and a can of Emu Export, [according to Quinny], who brought up his 50 with a couple of boundaries over mid wicket and one down the ground to take 17 runs from an over by Cranley.

Their bowling stocks largely turned to laughing stocks as Jonny fatigued and started bowling wides, or short and outside off; easy to cut, or rock back and square drive, and the boys made hay while the sun shone.

Joe, fixating on the edge of the skinny little pitch, called no ball after no ball, until the opposing Captain started to complain about the stultifying level of officiation…

‘Sorry mate, we know...’

Harley came on to bowl and Quinny was uncharacteristically patient. He was in his nervous 70’s and maybe this would be the day to convert a healthy start into a milestone century.

Harley also looked like he was in his 70’s, with even less chance of making it to 100, especially after dropping a caught and bowled attempt that could probably kill a man of his age.

JL hit one over the fence, which on a backyard ground such as this, and with calls of ‘lost ball’, surely must be 6 and out. Once the ball had been recovered, play resumed and he brought up with the 150 with a 4 that very nearly landed in a passing pram.

I’m not an expert, but surely this kind of behaviour deviates from the standard INTJ on the MBTI, and clearly indicates psychopathic tendencies.

You can imagine careers day back in high school: ‘Has he considered corporate law, Mrs Little?’

Don’t get me wrong; he also played some beautiful cut shots and fine glances off his legs. But he would then tease the fielders spooning it just in front of them, while calling, ‘Yes!’

Like the kind of kid that pulls the wings off flies...

Quinny hit a big six, fell over, was nearly stumped, fell out of a building, ducked under plank, and was run over by a little red car giggling with midgets.

Or at least that’s how I remember his innings.

JL brought up his 50 with a pull shot square of the wicket, and raised his bat, almost in remorse and embarrassment for the bowlers, almost as if remorse was in his emotional range. He then hit a six into someone’s front yard, narrowly missing their new car.

They brought up a 100 run partnership before Joe gave Quinny out, stumped on 92. I mean seriously…

Did the other team give stumpings, or run outs? No they did not.

Gobsmacked at this turn of events, we quickly lost three wickets in an over. Shrugger skied it for a golden duck. Darrell got in on the action and fired JLBW:

Justin Little Before Wicket.

New batsmen, Nav and Matty made running between wickets look like a choreographed WWE fight sequence; ducks, feints, a mid pitch clothes-lining and direct hit from the deep to remove Angus.

Ray was caught and Harley got a 5 for!

The old man can die happy. His life’s work complete…

The collapse only slowed when Weston smashed an edge to the keeper that JL signaled wide.  Sheepishly, he went on to hit two sixes to finish.

And that… is how umpiring is done in this competition.

Darrell padded up and walked out to the middle, watched Leon hit the maximums, and walked back without contribution, and was as graceful and humble about it, as you can imagine…

Other non-contributors included Joe, who was preparing to bat by doing throw downs with his son... AND DOING THE THROWING!?!

At least he was wearing actual pads, I suppose. To throw in.

We finished with a mighty 8 for 241 off the full 35 overs. What a difference 20 years makes. How the tides had turned! With the pirate flag flying from the shelter, tea was more like a family picnic if you were raised by bikie gang or an Islamic death cult. Quinny recounted the negotiations required to acquire the flag from an 8-year-old girl’s tree house.

‘Please just take the flag. And promise you will never try to make contact with our mother again…’

It was always going to be a difficult chase, and we gave them as many chances in the field as is sporting, but they lost wickets regularly and never really looked like a chance.

Darrell opened the bowling and had spat the dummy by his second over. Ray attempted to talk him down from mid on, counseling him between bursts of expletives, but it was to no avail.

He bowled 6 overs before refusing to bowl any more, frustratingly, with half decent figures of 1 for 25. 

Mind you, the only reason he still gets selected is because he’s a carrying member of a gun club, and no one has the courage to tell him otherwise.

Ray opened with a spell from the other end bowling 7 overs 1 for 34, and really should bowl more. Matt bowled 7 overs and 2 for 42 before he did a hammy and was forced to limp the plank.

Joe bowled a 20-ball two over spell. His first 11 ball over for went 10 runs, and the second; a tidy 6 by comparison, to finish with 0 for 16. Another couple of overs and he would have bowled the standard 42 balls.

I suppose if you are not going to get another over, you might as well make it last. Number 2 bowled both kinds of music: Leon, and Weston to finish with 1 for 4 off 1. Another under utilised resource.

Pedestrian Dave bowled 5 overs and took 2 for 13 at the death, [6 of those being wides] and closed out the game bowling to Lowther.

I couldn’t help myself: I was rooting for underdog, even if he had done a little poo in his pants.

He carried his bat as they ran out of overs with only 161 on the board and we won by nearly 80 runs.

The Crownies came out in the golden light of the setting sun, and the fines session was like a roll call of dropped sitters on the boundary:

Matty Angus [present], JL [present], Nav [present], Darrell?

Darrell had gone home…

Alex Quin won the ‘Hot for 12 Cold for 24’ award for his massive knock and in a move that can only be described as Jack Sparrow-esque, then spun the wheel back at the club to win the meat raffle.

It was truly his day… and a convincing win to seal 4 in a row. With as many wins as losses behind us, we have leapt from the bottom of the ladder, and into the 4.  

Our focus will now have to shift from ‘access and inclusivity’, to qualifying our best players for finals.

Which leaves two questions on everybody’s lips...

Is this curtains for Joe Dirt?

And how many holes in a straw?