#this hasn't even been the longest post ever made by me

[blackrosesmatron]

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This post will be a study of how LeBlanc is nearly the personification of Clan LaSombra, and how I accidentally drew inspiration from it for her character!

The Black Rose also bears some resemblance to the Sabbat, but that will be covered in another post at a later date (or possibly today if I can't stop hyperfocusing on it).

This will be a very lengthy post, so please be aware of that!

"The Lasombra exist for their own success, fighting for personal victories rather than solely for a crown to wear or a throne to sit upon. They believe that might makes right, and are willing to sacrifice anything to achieve their goals. A clan that uses spirituality as a tool rather than seeking honest enlightenment."

For this, I must clarify that I'm basing my LB on her current lore, which provides very little information except for her primary goal of preventing Mordekaiser from coming back. As shown in her short story and through both Samira's and Rell's stories, she is more than willing to do whatever it takes to achieve her goal. No sacrifice is too great for her to make.

In addition to the canon part, delving into my Headcanons for LeBlanc, she aspired to be more than just an ordinary individual (or a 'nobody' as she refers to herself prior to joining Mordekaiser's forces). She believed she deserved more than what life had offered her in the past. The LaSombra clan is known as Social Darwinists, which aligns quite well with my views on the Matron and how I portray her (or at least how I hope to portray her).

❝Our clan has a long heritage of leadership in a very primal and pure sense. We do not soil ourselves with the petty details of reckoning every little scrap; we command and seize.❞ — Unnamed Paladin

"Lasombra are fiercely predatory creatures, and the Lasombra mindset is defined by an embrace of darkness itself. The Lasombra firmly believe that power is best held by the most worthy, and that the primary test of worthiness is acquiring said power. As a result, they are predatory, backstabbing, power-hungry and unapologetically arrogant about their position."

I still owe a proper post about LeBlanc's way of manipulating others, but she does employ multiple tactics to gain the upper hand over others and maintain a power balance in her favor. This applies not only to interpersonal dynamics but also on a broader and more significant scale, such as her influence over the politics of Noxus and other regions.

She is not beyond betrayal, she is extremely power-hungry (which is why she decided to 'serve' Mordekaiser in the first place), and she is not the least bit humble about the status she has acquired for herself over the centuries.

In summary, she will do anything one can imagine to seize power for herself and is unashamed of her actions.

"Several thousand years ago, a tribe of proto-Maasai people were ordered by a pale spirit to produce a child for him. This child was trained to lead by having every member of the tribe obey him, and he was trained to be loyal by extensive gifts and rewards from the Lasombra Antediluvian. The experiment failed, and Lasombra punished the tribe by wiping out half of its population. Before rerunning the experiment, Lasombra was visited by his child's playmate, Ontai. This shaman-in-training offered his life to Lasombra – in life, death, and beyond, with no price asked. Lasombra, disturbed by the offer and Ontai's already impeccable honor, tested the shaman's resolve by demanding he slaughter his tribe. Ontai obeyed, and a shaken Lasombra called off the execution and embraced Ontai, renaming him Montano, and bringing him to the Mediterranean. Thereafter, Lasombra was always uncertain whether his childe's unswerving honor had gotten the better of him."

Another part that will be solely based on Headcanons alone, as we have no information on LeBlanc's background—specifically, who she was prior to becoming the Matron of the Black Rose.

In a previous post, I mentioned that in my headcanon, LeBlanc hails from a small, nameless village that has been forgotten by time. Somehow, she managed to join Mordekaiser's forces and quickly grew closer to him. However, this closeness didn't come without a series of challenging tasks meant to test her resolution, loyalty, and her physical, magical, and mental prowess. She was willing to carry out any order from Mordekaiser, no matter how heinous, including wiping out entire villages or kidnapping individuals like the Yordle who studied the stars. While she deeply regretted kidnapping Veigar, she continued to showcase her abilities and determination, steadily climbing the ranks until she achieved the privilege of being part of the Iron Revenant inner circle.

Just like the original LaSombra, Mordekaiser remained uncertain about her loyalty until the very end—or most likely he was certain he never truly had it in the first place.

"Lasombra naturally seek power and authority to prove themselves better than others; (...) While the Lasombra focus on the practical matters of administration and leadership [of the Sabbat]. The Lasombra operate under the metaphor of "shadows". They do not stand in the limelight, preferring to manipulate others to their own ends while doing as little as possible to make themselves a target. This is not done solely out of fear, but because many Lasombra have domineering and superior personalities that necessitate having someone beneath them. This role is usually filled by mortals; (...) Those who find themselves under the control of a Lasombra can expect a demanding and unrewarding experience. Their domitor will use any and all tools available to ensure loyalty, such as the Blood Bond, coercion, physical intimidation, and unapologetic use of Dominate. The wise Lasombra will judge just how much of this force is necessary; too little and the servant is untrustworthy, too much and the servant is spineless and afraid to act when they need to act."

LeBlanc is canonically a figure who prefers to stay behind curtains, pulling strings and letting others do the dirty job. Or when she does it herself, she does it disguised as somebody else. It is a risk too great for her personally due to Mordekaiser's sigil on her, but it also works best for her when people do not know she even exists in the first place. In short, she isn't stupid enough to make herself a target.

Now, let's delve into LeBlanc's relationship with her own Cabal: The Black Rose.

With the exception of serving the Black Rose not being a rewarding experience, as there is always something to gain (although it often happens that what one gains from being part of the Cabal does not equal how much they give), all else applies. The Matron will use different methods to ensure loyalty from those who are proper members of the cabal and a different set of tactics for those who are unaware that they work for her.

The only thing she is against is mind-controlling a person, as she is well aware that Mordekaiser himself expects to strip the Pale Sorceress of her free will as soon as she dies. She cannot bring herself to do it to another.

"The Lasombra went to the Sabbat, the Ventrue to the Camarilla. And finally, the Ventrue deduce their claim of rulership over all Cainites through their lineage from the first of the Third Generation, while the Lasombra claim leadership over them as the Clan who first managed to slay their Antediluvian founder. With the Lasombra defection from the Sabbat, many Ventrue delight at the opportunity to lord over a clan they have struggled against for centuries, but the Magisters themselves see this as an opportunity to turn the Ventrue's arrogance against them. They become advisors, bodyguards, and regents to Ventrue Princes, dethroning the weakened Tremere and slighting the undervalued Toreador without directly threatening the sceptre that the Clan of Kings holds so dear; the Lasombra know that you don't need to sit on the throne to control the kingdom."

Despite her pride, LeBlanc does not see a problem in 'serving' another, as she did with Mordekaiser. As long as she can see it as beneficial to her in the long run, she will let the other party feel like they are in control, while she is the one actually pulling the strings and dictating the direction of where things are heading. Her personas often play the parts of advisors and lovers mainly, but if the need arise, she doesn't mind creating a new one for a more physically demanding task.

At the end of the day, she lies down knowing she is the one controlling the Empire and the regions beyond it.

"Lasombra pride themselves on doing things with style and elegance."

Her personas will not always be 'tidy,' 'clean,' or 'elegant,' but LeBlanc herself will refuse to show her face while dressed in shabby clothes. Her personal image is quite important to her, so if she is to show her own, she will do it with style and elegance.

---

Quite possible I'll be making another post solely on LB as a LaSombra, because I feel like I forgot to cover a few points. I'll do it once I remember what those points are XD

All the informations quoted in this post can be found here.

[autisticlancemcclain]

hey guys.

so my grandfather passed earlier this evening, after some time in palliative care. this has put a shit ton of stress on my family. i'm also desperately trying to chug my way through my overloaded final semester of undergrad, plus work, plus trying to figure out next year's living situation and finances. i'm overloaded. i'm stressed.

and, unfortunately, over the past little bit, this account has gone from stress relieving, to neutral, to stress inducing, and i just to not have the space for that right now.

i'm heartbroken about it, to be honest. for two years i have poured my entire heart and soul into this. it has taken up every inch of my free time. i spent all my time thinking about it, i put all my creative energy here. not only did this account make me truly, genuinely happy, but i made a lot of friends and had a lot of fun. it hasn't been that place of joy for me for a while now, but i was keeping up, anyway, because i'm so proud of all i've managed here and i don't want to let go, i don't want to move on.

however, i need a break. a long one.

i have been in and out of the voltron fandom since i was 13 years old. 2022-2023 has been the longest consecutive amount of time i have been fully, both feet, petal to the metal engaged, and i actually think that's the longest i've ever been obsessed with one thing. i usually fluctuate. i have no doubt that one day, probably in the not-too-distant (but not too close either) future, i will come back here. i will pick things up again. they're not going anywhere, after all.

for now, what i've posted is what there is. i have lots of wips, and lots of outlines, and lots of things i've started and let stay unfinished, and i'm going to keep it that way. i heard something about some law coming for fanworks on tumblr, so i might shift anything that's been posted here onto ao3, but as for updates -- it'll be awhile. i hope what i already have holds up.

i've read all your comments and reblogs and asks and messages, even if i haven't responded to them. i'm touched by your concern and endeared by your flattery. i appreciate all the energy you guys have returned here, and i wish all of you the best. have so, so so much fun with this fandom until i come back to it.

love, and hugs, and kisses,

-jackie

[chaengluva]

Get Your Girl

Reneé Rapp x Fem!Reader: 1.4k: Masterlist

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You have been a huge fan of Reneé for the longest time, you have seen her on Broadway and ever since then you have been in love. You were so happy when you got tickets to her concert, you have been counting down the days to go and it has finally come, getting ready with your friend was the best feeling ever, you were so nervous knowing that you got VIP tickets, I mean, you were excited to meet her, but you were also very nervous. 

The thought of it still hasn't hit yet, but you have planed what you will say to her because you really don't want to stuff it up. Your friend was currently putting putting you on your eye make up and she wasn't a big of a fan as you, so she wasn't feeling as nervous as you are right now. "You okay?" She asks it sweetly. You breath heavily "Yeah I'm okay.." she smiles, continuing  your make up. 

The time had finally came, you were driving to the concert, It was quite early since you wanted a good place, that was close to the front, you lined up and saw a few others (mostly lesbians) that had already started lining up. You kept practcing what you would say to Reneé, your friend helped calm you down because she could sense your nervousness. 

Time passes quickly you were holding the barricade with a huge smile on your face, you were so excited you couldn't contain your energy.  Time passes and Reneé finally comes on stage, you lose your shit, you can't believe see is right there. As you're singing along will all the words, you're friend taps you on the shoulder to show that Reneé is currently looking at you, you look into her eyes and you scream, making her laugh. 

The show goes on quickly, but Reneé interacted with the audience a lot making sure that everyone had a good time. Its a Reneé Rapp concert, everyone will have a good time no matter what was the only thought on your mind. You were now waiting for the meet and greet you were feeling very nervous as you walked dup to her, "Hi.." you say shyly. She giggles, giving you a big hug.

You're friend is on the side, taking photos and a video of the moment, you pull out of the hug and start to talk. "I love your work so much, you inspire me with your songs and I really wish i could be as talented as you." You didn't even realise it but you were crying, Reneé noticed before you did and wiped your tears with her sleeve. "Oh my god.. I'm so sorry." you apologise for crying but she assures you that it's okay. "You're so sweet..How old are you?" 

"I'm 23." (But tomorrow I turn 23-) She smiles, nodding, the photographer takes the photo and you bid your goodbyes, this moment felt so surreal and you knew you would be sad once it is all over so you cherish every single second of it, and your friend is filming it, so every time you want to watch over it you can. As you left, you were walked away with a smile on your face. 

You spent the car ride back, looking over your videos and smiling at the run night you had, you posted the videos to social media, you don't have a huge platform, but you keep in public because you like to share your life with others, as soon as you posted it, you put your phone down and talked to your friend, who was happy for you. As soon as you got home, you went straight to bed.

You wake up with many notifications from Instagram, you look at it very confused, you check to see that not only did your post go viral but Reneé Rapp had commented, your hands were shaking as you read her comment. 

"Such as sweet girl."

 You were a happy she said girl rather then fan, it made you feel better. You liked the comment and got ready to think of a reply but that was when you got an even more shocking notification. Reneé Rapp had messaged you, at that point in time your friend was still asleep, you were to focussed on this to wake her up, you open the message and you can feel your jaw get wider as you read it. 

"Never in my life have I met a fan that was sweet and as caring as you, (or as pretty) the way you talked to me makes me want to get to know you more, we could start through texts or I could take you out, I don't really mind." - Reneé.

Was Reneé asking you out? Did Reneé just call you pretty? You had so much questions running through your head, the whole thing was to hard to think straight, so you texted back without thinking. 

"I'd prefer to go out :)"

Shit. What if she thinks you desperate? I mean she did ask you but what if this isn't her? your train of thoughts got cut off from the notification sound of her texting back. She said to meet at a certain location at 6pm. It was already 11am, you only had 7 hours to get ready. You hoped out of bed at the speed of light, hoping in the shower, making sure to wash your hair and shave your legs. 

An hour had already passed and you were out of the shower, drying your hair, once you finish you go back into the room and see that you friend is finally staring to wake up. "What are you rushing for?" You're friend askes you, her eyes adjusting to the light. "Oh.. I have a date.." You mumble. Her eyes went wide. "Really, with who?"

You look down, knowing she wouldn't believe you, looking back into her eyes you say, "Reneé..." She laughs, rolling her eyes, waiting for you to say who you are going on a date with, but it never came, she looks into your eyes, "You're serious," you nod, throwing your phone to her, she catches it and reads the chat and her eyes went wide and a big smile appaired on her face.

You got ready for the date, you didn't wear anything way to fancy because you weren't exactly sure if it was a date or not. You just wore a black mini dress with nude coloured heels, Your friend dropped you off and you waited for Reneé, you smiled when you saw her, she was wearing black pants and a cream coloured blouse. "Hi," She smiled. 

"Hi," You blushed, she smiled at you, giving you a small hug, looking at you up and down, "You look really pretty.." She smiles, "you do too." She smiles and you walk in to the place, she opens the door for you, and pulls out your chair. 

You get to know each other more, Reneé is a really good listener, you love the way she looks at you when you tell her about something. You also listen to her, you found out some things  that you would have never guessed about her. 

"My friend was so shocked when she found out we were going on a date with you.." You tell her, she gives you a confused look before saying, "Date?"  

You face goes read out of embarrassment, you try to think of some words to say, you just feel so embarrassed, "Y/n, it's okay, I was just kidding," She giggles, grabbing your hand, you take a deep breath and calm down, "Of course it's a date," You blush, she's so handsome. 

The date came to an end and Reneé told you that she would drive you home, so you told your friend that. As she pulled up into your drive way, as you were about to leave the car, she held your hand, "I had a good time tonight, I really want to go out again," 

You nod, you look into her eyes and see that see is staring at your lips, you look at hers, she puts her hand on your cheek and pulls you in for a kiss, the kiss is nothing big just a light kiss against the lips, perfect for the first kiss. 

You pulled away, she looked into your eyes and smiled. You said goodbye, and finally left, Reneé made sure that you were in the house before driving off. As soon as you got inside your friend was on the couch. "Tell me everything!" 

————————————————————————————

[xanaxspritz]

hi🥰🥰 i just saw your post about requests being open so here i am, brain filled with suguru worms🧎 i’ve been daydreaming sm about living a slow, romantic cottage-core life with this man. would you consider doing headcanons for that?🥹

an: wrote this in an aiport lol. set after suguru declares war on jujutsu high but doesn't die. escapes in exile with sorcerer!reader. this got a little dark sorry!

cw: a bit of tradwifery (sorry), possessiveness, vomiting, impregnation

you're still getting used to the country life. it's nice and tranquil. there's a few yuzu trees surrounding the cottage you and suguru inhabit and a strawberry field by the lake that's less than a mile away from the house. suguru moved you two to the japanese countryside after narrowly escaping death after the war against jujutsu high to lay low for a while, but his grip on you has only gotten stronger after leaving tokyo.

you made do with what you had. fleeing so quickly meant no time to pack. a part of you missed the temple, the people, the friends you made, and the huge master bedroom you and suguru shared (the cottage bedroom wasn't half the size). but suguru insisted that this tiny cottage would be the best chance from gojo or anyone from jujutsu high to find him, so here you were, bright and early fixing suguru breakfast.

"smells great darling," he says smiling as you pour the hot green tea into his teacup. "will you not have any yourself?"

"no, im not hungry," you shrug.

"hmm."

you sit in comfortable silence for a bit, looking out the window next to the table while he goes back to reading the paper. you knew you should feel lucky to be here, the village was so pretty and picturesque, and the villagers were so welcoming. you knew you should feel even luckier that surguru chose you, yes you, to run away with him. he fucks you harder now, rougher and more impulsively than the carefully calculated man that he was before. he cums inside you now, every single time as if he was trying to get you pregnant. maybe he's taking his frustrations out on you, or maybe he's just showing you how much he really loves you, and it would be a lie to say you didn't like it.

you feel his big hands rub your knee under the table, taking you out of your thoughts.

"you look like you're thinking about something," he raises an eyebrow.

"oh! it's nothing. just thinking about tokyo I guess," you say.

"I believe there's a festival in the village today. would my pretty girl like to get some sweets? we'll walk there together."

your ears perk up. "really?" you ask. maybe they'll have matcha dango you loved getting from the stand nearby the temple. maybe they'll even have candy apples. "I would love to go."

walking hand in hand, you stroll to the village center for the festival. suguru holds your hand tight, squeezing it, giving you a small, sweet, smile.

"I know it hasn't been easy for you," he begins "but you're doing a wonderful job. always so obedient, so caring of me. one day, I would like you make you my wife."

you're heart beats faster after the mention of "wife". this was the first time he's ever said the word. could this really be happening?

"I would be honored to," you grin unable to hide your excitement. for the rest of the day, you're elated and bubbly at the possible idea that one day you'll be suguru's permanently.

xxx xxx xxx xxx

he fucks you fast and hard that night, you take every inch of his dick a the good girl you are, leaving his dick inside of you overnight while you sleep in his embrace. the next morning you feel a wave of nausea, throwing up until you puke clear liquid from the depths of your stomach. it could be forming eating too many deserts, but you pull a pregnancy test form behind the mirror cabinet in the bathroom just to be safe, and wait the five longest minutes of your life to find the stick displaying two bright blue lines. your heart sinks.

"suguru...i think.. i might.." you say coming out of the bathroom finding him at the dining table, tears begin welling in your eyes. "I'm pregnant!" you blurt out, shoving the pregnancy test towards him.

he gingerly grabs the stick, taking a few minutes to process the news and then sinks down to his knees at your feet, peppering thousands of kisses at your navel.

"i've been waiting for this moment," he says rubbing your belly. "i cant want to see youre body grow with my child, youre gonna make such a good mama, i promise."

suguru stands up to wipe your tears away, giving you a big hug. you were finally bound to him forever. with his essence inside you and a baby on the way, you could never leave him even if you tried. he rubs your back, letting you sob on his shoulder. you are his for the rest of time.

[philosopherking1887]

Rating: M

Ships: Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma (endgame); Oswald Cobblepot/Jim Gordon (temporary but substantial)

Status: Complete!! At 138,076 words, good Lord.

Fic summary: Jim and Oswald agree that the relationship between Edward Nygma and Lee Thompkins is a disaster waiting to happen, so they come up with a desperate plan: plant evidence that they're having a secret affair to spark jealousy in Ed and Lee and draw them away from each other. Their plan is both complicated and helped along by simultaneous crises involving the brothers Valeska…

Chapter 24: Once Is Never (POV: Jim). Jim has a brief private conversation with Oswald before they finalize their agreement to a conditional alliance.

I kind of hoped to post the final chapter on or before September 15, which would have been exactly a year after I posted the first chapter, but that did not happen. Instead, I'm posting it a year and 7 days after the first chapter... and also, it turns out, exactly 10 years after the pilot episode of Gotham first aired! (Thanks to @hexevampyr for bringing that to my attention.)

Thus ends the longest, plotty-est thing I have ever written! Thanks to everyone who's come along with me for the ride -- especially @hellostuffedtiger, who helped me figure out plot stuff, and/or virtually held my hand while I agonized over it, when I was first setting out, and has continued to follow the fic even though she's not even in this fandom and hasn't watched most of the extremely convoluted, confusing show (which has surely made this a sometimes mystifying read).

[genericpuff]

This whole "LO is ending" thing makes me a little sussy baka-

There are currently four ways for fans of LO to find out about it ending.

1.) Articles online , of which there are only two, from Cosmopolitan and Popverse

2.) A user who got to ask Rachel questions at NYCC and posted their findings to the official Discord which has recently re-opened

3.) The Lore Olympians IG page (a fan page for LO)

4.) The antiLO/ULO communities

Notice a pattern?

None of these are official sources.

Rachel hasn't tweeted it or posted about it to Instagram. "But she's busy with NYCC" might make sense, but the official Webtoon pages haven't posted about it either.

And despite the fact that Rachel HAS posted about the series returning, it HASN'T included the reveal that it's returning for its final arc.

And this makes me suspicious.

Why?

Because this isn't how you market a final season.

City of Blank is currently on its final season. We know this definitively because it's been marketed as such since the premiere.

They knew from the start that this was going to be the last season, so they marketed it as such. Which makes sense, this is something you SHOULD do when marketing a final season, it lets people know that if you want to read a series, NOW is the best time to do it! If you're someone who fell off the series, now is the time to check back in and catch up on what you missed!

LO, meanwhile, hasn't had that marketing. This made a lot of us suspicious that S3 wasn't going to be the final season (which was a common belief for a while) because if it was the final season, why wasn't it being marketed as such? Why were so many new plot threads being established if this was meant to be the last season?

It's tinfoil hat time-

I'm feeling very certain that the signs of S3 not being the final season were true - but the decision was made to end the series with the third season regardless.

When you really think about it, it makes sense:

The popular opinion of LO has shifted to negative, with many people calling the comic out on how silly and poorly made it is.

Every time Webtoon Official announces new awards for the comic, the general opinion is, "Why?" and not just from the antiLO/ULO community, but even from other webcomic creators and users of the platform.

Its average numbers have been rapidly dropping with each episode and they'll surely continue on that downslide after it returns from the longest hiatus it's ever been on.

Its rating on the app has been slowly but steadily dropping, and its viewcount has hardly risen despite all the marketing it gets from Webtoons.

The fans haven't had access to any sort of space since the closure of the official FB page, Discord, and subreddit (the latter of which was already dying in activity by the time it closed).

The newest releases of the physical copies go on sale literally less than a week after release. There's still no news of the TV show and it's becoming painfully obvious that the production rights are simply sitting around waiting to either be sold to another studio or abandoned entirely. And the longer time goes on, the further LO ends up being in the rearview mirror of WT culture, the less interest there will be in adapting it.

It's already barely discussed outside of the platform, people who traditionally read comics have no idea what LO is despite WT's rabid attempts to inject it into every corner of comic culture.

It's safe to say that much of WT's audience is very over LO, and many are simply sticking with it to see how it sticks its landing. Now we know that landing is coming in 2024, but we didn't know that until now, and it was very silently announced. Not a single word on Rachel's or WT's social media. No big hoorah or hype marketing to get people excited for the finale. Chances are fans have found out about this reveal more from the anti's than their usual sources of information.

This really casts an implication that LO was going to go on longer than a third season - but Webtoons decided to put down its golden goose instead.

Now Rachel has (according to the answers at NYCC) until 'early to mid 2024' to clean up the mess she's made.

(my personal theory is it's going to end just in time for the first day of Spring/Rachel's birthday).

Even her answers about her future projects and how the series will end are incredibly vague. Most of the time she's describing exactly what she's guilty of doing without ever owning up to the fact that she's largely the root of most of her work's problems. It's very much "take your own advice for once."

(^^^ Notice how she doesn't actually talk about the show here, she redirects it entirely to the books. Exhibit #2385902 that the show isn't happening and they just don't want to take the L.)

There's also an accompanying tinfoil hat theory that the reason they're being so vague about it is because they haven't actually committed to an ending. Which would be very Rachel of them to do. Rachel is notorious for saying she's doing one thing and then doing the complete opposite. She's often written entire plotlines as vague as possible to make it easier for her to either bury them or retcon them down the road, so I wouldn't be surprised if she wound up retconning the comic's entire finale if it's just a matter of her trying to decide if she wants to continue the comic or not.

That said, I think the former is a bit more plausible, knowing at least somewhat as to how WT works with their contracts. It really feels like she either suddenly decided not to continue, or WT cut her off entirely by not giving her a series renewal for a 4th season. I've seen series get sudden finales in the past due to WT cutting them loose, and those were series that were, unlike LO, actually enjoyed by many and didn't have an entire critic community based around them. It would explain why not even Webtoons is announcing the ending of the comic.

But we'll see what happens after NYCC ends and LO returns November 4th. I don't think LO is going to be able to stick the landing that it's been crashing towards for two years now, but you bet your ass I'm gonna be here to watch.

[sensitiveheartless]

20 questions for fic writers!

Tagged by @feralrookie! :D Thank you for the tag!!

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

10! (technically, kinda)

2. What's your total ao3 word count?

379,547

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Just Bungou Stray Dogs! It's also the first fandom I've written for, actually. :D

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

This is how it feels to take a fall (Dazai goes feral, time shenanigans)

Plate :( (Dazai breaks a plate, experiences emotions)

Dazai and the Moving Detective Agency (Howl's Moving Castle AU)

Chuunyaa's Pawsitively Catastrophic Day (Chuuya is turned into a cat, it's short and pretty much just shenanigans)

Wish in one hand (First fic I wrote, and the first one I posted — Dazai has emotions about handholding)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to, but I've been absolutely terrible at it lately — whenever I'm particularly stressed I start worrying that the negative emotions are going to leak through into what I'm writing and make my tone sound weird, so then I end up turtling in on myself and not saying anything at all, no matter how much I want to engage with people. It's a bad habit, and I want to work on it, so I'm gonna try to catch up on comments! (I treasure every single one of the ones I receive, so for anyone who has left a comment and hasn't gotten a response from me yet, thank you and I am very sorry about my inability to form words in a timely manner skdjfksd)

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably An Unsent Letter, since it's pretty much just a short snippet of Dazai being sad while he's leaving the mafia. And even with that one, I have in my head that skk still get together after the four years apart, I just didn't write it. I am dreadful with sad endings — although the ending to "This is how it feels to take a fall" is a little bittersweet, perhaps.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hmm...I'm gonna say Dazai and the Moving Detective Agency, because it's the one with the longest buildup, so I think it has the most catharsis, at least for me! But I tend to give all of my fics happy endings because, as established, I am a wimp when it comes to hardcore angst. I will say that Zut Alors I Have Missed One is probably a contender for happiest as well, just because that fic had no angst whatsoever and was just Unhinged

8. Do you get hate on fic?

Nope! Everyone's been lovely! I have gotten some for my art, but honestly it was pretty toothless and I couldn't take it seriously lol

9. Do you write smut?

...Yeh. :0 There was an attempt, at least — one fic, and I made it anonymous (so on the extreme off-chance that anyone notices a discrepancy between my total ao3 wordcount listed here and the summed up wordcounts of the fics viewable on my profile, that's why!) It's also another fic I need to finish, I hit my writing roadblock with that one at the same time as all my others, and it's almost doneeee I just need my brain to cooperate >:|

10. Do you write crossovers?

Not any proper crossovers, only things like the Howl AU and the Little Mermaid AU, where I took the settings/plots and put in BSD characters.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

...Possibly? I'm not actually sure, I've given a couple people permission, but I'm not sure if anything came of that, I haven't heard one way or another :0 I do have a tendency to use puns, which I realize might make things difficult for translations

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, not so far — and given how tempestuous my schedule has been, it'll probably be a while before I attempt anything like that! Sounds fun, though

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

...I mean, it's gotta be soukoku, because for all that I've enjoyed a lot of fictional pairings before (for example, Howl and Sophie specifically from the HMC books, Beatrice and Benedick from Much Ado About Nothing — I like bickering duos, what do you know — Peter Wimsey and Harriet Vane, currently falling down the Hualian rabbithole because I'm reading Heaven Official's Blessing with my friend, and there's lots of other ones), for as much as I like all those, I haven't really had much of an urge to write anything for them.

So, purely in terms of me wanting to mess around with two characters and write them over and over and over again, it's really only skk! They hit the exact right combination of braincells, I guess lololol

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but probably won't?

Hmmm...honestly, most of my WIPs I still intend to finish at some point or another — first priority being the ones I've already started posting, of course! Although...just due to time constraints, I might not get around to writing the thief!Chuuya/detective!Dazai one I was planning a while back. (and I mean a WHILE lol) I didn't write very much of it, and honestly most of the reason I wanted to write it was for comedy — so maybe I'll turn it into a short comic series instead, because I do think some of the bits were funny :0

16. What are your writing strengths?

That's a hard one; I tend to look more at the ways I want to improve my writing then at what I like about it, and I nitpick just about everything I create, art and writing alike. But if I had to pick something, I would probably say dialogue? That tends to be what I write easiest, at least. I still want to get better at that too, though.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Descriptions and action scenes. I've been making myself write them more, so I think I'm slowly improving (the Howl AU has been great for that! It pushed me to write all sorts of scenes I wouldn't have normally :D ), but those two things remain what I get bogged down by the most.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Depends on the circumstances, I think? I'd include translations if I did. I do tend to include Japanese honorifics when I'm writing in the canon universe, because there's not really english equivalents and it feels like I'm leaving something out when I just do their names straight — although I did take them out when I was doing the Howl AU and the Little Mermaid AU, just as a setting thing.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Bungou Stray Dogs — like I mentioned in the ship section, this is the first fandom where I've really felt the urge. Although I did write things when I was little that very blatantly yoinked in various creatures and concepts from the things I was reading and watching, which resulted in stories with pirates and weeping angels and Ringwraiths all running around in the same place. But I didn't usually bother with bringing in actual characters from those pieces of media, or even using the settings, I just made ocs and had them run around in my own made up world.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

I like all of them for different reasons, but I think my favorite overall has to be Dazai and the Moving Detective Agency. It's the longest thing I've ever written, and when I started out I wasn't sure I'd be able to do it — so the fact that it's most of the way done (currently chipping away at the epilogue, it is getting to be a LOT of words) makes me really happy. And it's just been so much fun! Writing characters I hadn't before, piecing the world together, working out the magic system, writing Dazai being a mess and Chuuya being cool, it's all been a blast. And I seriously need to finish the epilogue, because the followups are living in my brain and they demand to be freed aksdfjksdjfk

But yeah! I'm not sure how many writers I know on here have already been tagged, so I'll just go open tags on this one! :D If any of y'all write and feel like doing this, then go for it!

[happilychaengs]

nayeon - love foolish

a/n: this is my longest fic and one of the fics that i've put too much effort into that i'm not so proud but it'd be a big waste of time to not post it. this was an attempt at something new but if anyone doesn't like it or something to improve let me know

Pairing: coworker nayeon x gender neutral reader

Word Count: 4,033

angst? fluff? idk how to describe it

It's Monday, the start of a new week, and as you looked out the window, onlooking onto the people below, you stop to think that you should not have to work extra hours especially when it was the days following up to Christmas where everyone's taken the week off. Though with the shortage of new workers coming in and continued work piling up on your desk, you quickly realized you should've quit when you had the chance. Tugging at your scarf, your almost frost-bitten fingers fiddled with your ID card as you scanned it and quickly made your way through the foggy glass doors.

Making your way through the office, the only sound you could hear was the rhythmic sounds of your shoes against the tile floor but not long after, you heard... humming. As you stuck your head around the corner, you saw your cubicle buddy, Nayeon, bobbing her head up and down, humming along to the... office music.

You let out a sigh of disappointment as you figure out you weren't the only one working extra hours and the fact that it was her that was here with you made it even worse. She was infuriatingly annoying. Always pestering you for you to help her finish her assignments and to go drink with her whenever you had the free time. (Which you haven't once accepted) How she hasn't been fired yet is a miracle to you.

(Sadly) she heard you as she turned around on her swivel chair and spotted you, quickly waving and smiling at you. "Good morning Y/N!"

"Morning." you dryly replied before making your way to your desk and turning your monitor on.

"Did you finish that assignment that HR gave last week?" She whispered to you, her lips pursed as she leaned over to look at your screen.

Humming in response, you took out your earbuds and stuck them in your ears which she didn't take kindly to. You could hear her distasteful groan as you felt your earbuds being pulled right out.

"Come on! It's just the two of us in the office today, why'd you put your earbuds in?"

Did you really want to answer that? "Because..." You thought about it. You should break the bad news to her, "you're annoying Nayeon."

Her lips parted as she scoffed, quickly putting her hand on her chest, "Me? Annoying? As if!"

You raised your eyebrows at her and let out a small chuckle, "You don't think so?"

"I know so! If you went out to drink with me once, you'd know that I'm like the most perfect person to exist in the world!"

"Mmm... I don't think so." Putting your earbuds back in, you cheekily smiled at her before you faced your screen again. Thankfully, all that she did was roll her eyes as she also went back to work.

As the hours passed and your eyes started straining to look at your computer screen all morning, you realized that this job would be the death of you. All your eyesight and back problems were solely because of this. Leaning back in your chair, you looked up at the ceiling, your earbuds falling out of your ears as you let out a long sigh. Nayeon glanced over at you, with a small smile on her face.

"Already tired?"

Groaning in response, you just waved her away but in classic Nayeon fashion, she completely ignores you as she starts talking again.

"Why do you think I'm annoying?"

You let out a lowly laugh as you sat upright again. "Is that what you've been thinking about this whole time?"

"Yes because no one in my life has ever called me annoying!"

Your eyes widened, "No way... You're lying."

She let out another scoff as she frowned, "I'm telling the truth here! You're the first person to think I'm annoying!"

"Maybe... you just don't talk to anyone," you shrugged, "Just a thought."

Her face scrunched up as she glared at you, "Are you seriously saying I have no friends?"

"I didn't say that... but with the way you keep pestering me to hang out with you, I don't know anymore."

"I only ask you because I li- never mind." She shook her head as she let out a breathy sigh.

"You what?" You asked as you put your hand up to your ear, "What were you going to say?"

She huffed as she turned away from you and went back to looking at her screen which was filled with only cat pictures, "Whatever. Stupid..." she mumbled.

You let out a small laugh as you did feel a little bad for talking to her like that. You watched her scroll through even more cat photos for a while before thinking of something to say. Normally you weren't such an asshole so you wanted to make it up to her even if it was just a little teasing. "Do you want to hang out after work?"

And you swore you've never seen someone react the way she did. Her entire body whipped around, her swivel chair almost completely toppling over as she stared at you with the stars in her eyes. "Seriously?"

"Just once." You stuck out your finger, "I'll go out drinking with you."

As the hours quickly passed, and your time was up in the office, Nayeon quickly grabbed your hand, catching you off guard, and dragged you out of the building running straight to a nearby karaoke bar.

"Slow down!" You shouted as your feet almost got caught up in the snow on the sidewalk. She just let out a hearty laugh and somehow ran even faster, showing no sign of slowing down. Maybe this was her punishment to you for teasing her earlier.

The surrounding bright Christmas lights practically flied past you from how fast she was running, your breaths quickly turning into small puffs of air floating behind you. By the time you reached the front door, she was practically jumping up and down while you were almost on the floor with your hands on your knees., panting and gasping for air.

"You... are... a psycho." You choked out in-between your gasps.

"What was that?" She teasingly asked as she cupped her ear with her hand, "I can't hear you down there!"

You glared back at her before breathing out, "Whatever... Just go in."

She had a victorious smirk as she dragged you inside the building where she quickly made her way into one of the rooms under the pretense that she had already booked one, "knowing" that you'd go out with her today. As if she wasn't going to come here with or without you. You two made your way in and closed the door behind you as she made her way onto the somewhat hard couch.

"Wooh! It's hot in here!" She exclaimed as she undid a button of her blouse and took off her overcoat. You looked at her in astonishment. She truly has no fear.

She tilted her head at you, confused for a moment, before shrugging her shoulders and ordering ten bottles of soju. It took a while for you to process that amount.

"Wait. ten bottles? What are you doing?"

"What? Are you not drinking with me?"

"I am but... ten? You seem like a lightweight."

"Huh? Me a lightweight? I'll show you!"

And she sure did show you. After the ten bottles came in and her immediately chugging down two, she was piss faced drunk.

Normally you wouldn't care. You were supposed to have fun in these kinds of places. But she was extremely handsy. So handsy in fact that whenever you'd go to take a sip, she'd slap your back insanely hard with her massive hands over some random joke she made that she was laughing at hysterically and the way you glared at her made her cackle even more.

"Why-why are you looking at me like that? It's so funny! Your eyes are like... never mind! I forgot!"

Even if you were annoyed you looked at her with a smile tugging at the corners of your mouth. At least one person was having fun.

You saw her glide towards the mic as she concentrated on the list of songs, nitpicking some of them and scrolling down. She chose a wide variety of songs ranging from Blackpink to even some classic Christmas songs. Honestly, you thought it was somewhat weird that she chose "All I Want For Christmas Is You" and explicitly looked your way the entire time but you just shrugged it off as her being too drunk. Some memories were made and you had fun. Somewhat. Then came the aftermath.

You absolutely needed to pay attention to the amount you were drinking. Especially when you were going to need to take care of the drunk girl on the couch. She seemed almost completely out of it as she laid there. Mumbling nonsense while shaking her head left and right.

You buttoned up her blouse and draped her coat back over her before trying to leverage her weight onto your shoulders and Jesus Christ was she heavy. As you made your way out the building and trudged along the pavement through the snow and with her weighing you down, a realization hit you.

You didn't know where she lived.

And she was knocked out drunk.

Shit.

You let out a loud groan as you practically kicked down your own apartment door. Making your way to the couch, you laid her down as gently as you could, not trying to wake her up and fished your phone out of your pocket, dialing a number in and clutching it tight to your ear.

"Come on... pick up! Pick up!"

After a few rings, they picked up.

"Hello...?" a feminine voice mumbled.

"Jihyo what the fuck do I do?" You shouted in a whisper, not trying to wake Nayeon.

You heard rustling in the background, presumably her getting up out of bed. "About what?"

"Nayeon is in my apartment."

"What? Why?"

"Well, we went out and she got crazy dru-"

"Hold on." She interupted, "You two went out? What's happening Y/N? I thought you were done with all that."

"It's not like that. I... just went out drinking with her this one time."

A hum stretched on the other side of the call, "Whatever you say... Anyways, if she's at your apartment then just take care of her alright? It's not really my problem. Bye Y/N!"

"Wait wha-" The call ended.

"Fuck." you muttered under your breath until a pair of arms made it's way around your stomach.

"Hey there cutie... what's a person like you doing here at the club?" she slurred.

Sighing, you peeled her hands off before guiding her back to the couch. "It's my apartment."

"Oh." She rocked her head back and forth before her eyes widened, "Did... did I get into your pants? Why am I-why am I in your apartment?"

Your eyebrows came together in confusion, "Why would you say that?"

"Didn't I tell you...? I like you Y/N... Really really like you... like-" She spread out her arms wide, "like this much!"

You just looked at her almost as if she had just spoken the worst imaginable words known to man. This wasn't right. What have you done to even be remotely close to being likable by anyone? Quickly getting up, you tossed a blanket onto Nayeon, resulting in a couple of whines from her but you ignored it and sped to your room, shutting the door behind you and leaning on it.

"Fuck."

From the little sleep you got that night with all the tossing and turning, you couldn't help but want to die when you were awoken by the sounds of someone groaning and a wide range of other disgusting noises as you got out from bed. You could probably guess she woke up with a nasty hangover.

Going out to the living room, you peered through the bathroom door to see her there crouched over the toilet bowl throwing up her guts. You were nervous from what you heard last night but you weren't a demon. Walking in slowly to not try and startle her, you let out a small "it's just me" before you held her hair up to not let it get in the way.

She mumbled a small thanks before immediately hanging her head over the toilet and throwing up again. It took her a few minutes to stop completely as she took a few deep breaths before slightly turning her head over to you. "How much did I drink? I don't remember last night and my head is pounding..."

"You had two bottles of soju in you before anything else." You let out a small laugh as you continued, "When we got in there, you downed two thinking you could show off."

She let out a small disappointed groan before getting up and quickly brushing her teeth using your toothbrush. You just looked at her disgustedly before muttering, "You can have that one."

"What?" She said before looking down at the toothbrush in her hand. "Oh god! I'm so sorry! I'll get you a new one!"

You just waved her off before making your way out the bathroom, "Just get ready for work."

"Y/N." Jihyo, your supervisor and best friend who for some reason decided to work today, called out.

"What is it?" You asked as you peeked around the cubicle, meeting her gaze.

"There's a company party this weekend. To celebrate the holidays."

"Okay?" Your eyes stitched together in confusion as you always knew she doesn't bother to tell you these things, mostly because you always say no. "And why are you telling me this?"

"Because it's required." She said nonchalantly.

"What? Since when is a company party required?"

"It's only required of you from me. There'll be people from other branches as well. Have fun. Meet someone new. Just because that... girl ruined one Christmas for you doesn't mean the rest of your Christmases should suck Y/N."

You let out a small laugh in disbelief. "What'll you do if I don't go?"

"I'll report to Mina about what you talk about behind her back." Jihyo said knowing all the gossip you partake in about your CEO, especially since she joins in on the fun sometimes too.

"I-" You wanted to say something more. Probably things better left unsaid. "Fine."

Her eyes widened in surprise as she skeptically looked at you. "That was surprisingly easy. How do I know you're not lying?"

Nayeon then somehow snaked her way into the conversation as she exclaimed from beside you, "I'll go with Y/N!"

Jihyo seemed surprised again as she looked at the two of you knowingly with a smug look on her face, "Oh really? Then I guess I won't have to worry about you Y/N."

"There's nothing between us Jihyo." You said with a hint of underlying venom. You barely caught a glimpse of Nayeon's expression as you said that. She had almost a look of disappointment as the light in her eyes seemed to dim.

Jihyo just shrugged as she laughed, "Maybe there will be after the party! Who knows?"

The rest of the week seemingly passed in one quick blur of random assignments given to you as you were now standing side by side with Nayeon, arms linked, looking up at the company building from the parking lot below. Nayeon was dressed in a simple black dress with a white overcoat, matched with a pair of black heels. Honestly if you didn't find her so annoying, you'd find her almost... attractive.

You nudged her arm slightly, "Come on. Let's go in."

As you were about to walk in, she pulled you back by your arm. "Are we really not going to talk about it?"

You stopped in your tracks as you glanced back at her. "Talk about what?"

Her gaze met the asphalt floor as she played with the hem of her dress. "I remember now Y/N. What I said to you that night."

Your eyes faltered, "And what? What do you want me to say? I just don't... do that anymore Nayeon."

"Is it because of what Jihyo said?" She asked, eyes still locked on the floor. "Who was that girl to you?"

You tried to keep a blank expression on your face as she brought her up. You didn't want to get into this with her. Especially since you knew how she felt about you. "It's nothing Nayeon. Get off the topic."

"No." Her eyes finally met yours, her demeanor being very different from the usual playful girl you knew. She unhooks her arm from yours and continues to stare at you, determined and with her arms crossed. "I want to know. At least let me try to understand."

She seemed adamant enough to not even let you go in if you didn't tell her. You let out a tired sigh as you sat on the short wall behind you, head tilted down to not meet her gaze any longer. "Her name was Jisoo." You saw Nayeon in your peripheral vision sitting down next to you with her hands close together on her lap. "She was... perfect. She was everything I could've asked for. She was the girl I was going to marry."

You let out a sad chuckle, "Hell, I still even have the ring but then she just... wasn't. I planned on proposing when we were watching the snow together. I came home early on Christmas and that's when I caught her..." you cleared your throat, "in bed with another person."

"Oh... I'm so sorry." Nayeon whispered softly.

"Don't be sorry. It's not your fault. It happened a long time ago but..." You muttered as you blinked away the pool building up in your eyes. "I doubt you'll still like me after this."

You closed your eyes briefly before opening them again to realize a hand was on of yours, lightly tracing lines on top. Your eyes filled with tears threatening to fall, glanced up at Nayeon's, hers being almost the exact same.

"You're so wrong..." She said as she gave you a tight-lipped smile, probably to stop herself from letting out a cry. "I think you-"

Your phone rang loudly in your pocket as Nayeon jumped a little. "I'm sorry." You mumbled as you took your phone out and put the caller on speaker, clearing your throat again.

"What is it Jihyo?"

"Where are you? I've been looking around for you."

"We're just outside and about to go inside."

"Hurry up your lazy butt and get in here! I wanted to take some pictures of you and Nayeon! You two look good together!"

"..."

"Y/N?"

"Nothing. I'm going to hang up now."

You let out the nth sigh tonight as you got up and brushed yourself off, "Let's go in now."

And as Nayeon loops her arm around yours, you could feel the pit in your stomach growing. Almost an instinctual feeling that this party was going to go south.

"Are you okay?"

Nayeon glances up at you as you reach the door. Her eyes travel all around your face as she notices the awfully obvious discomfort you have. Your eyes were somewhat red, maybe because of the tears you were shedding with her back down at the parking lot. But you were probably mostly uncomfortable from being linked arm to arm with the girl you just unloaded your baggage on.

"As okay as I'll ever be." You joked.

She let out a small chuckle as you opened the door for her, seemingly ignoring whatever was above the two of you. Jihyo finally sees the two of you but immediately glares at you. "Come on Y/N! Have some Christmas spirit! You'll be single for the next year if you don't do it!"

You couldn't have been more confused before asking, "What? What do you-" You stopped talking as you felt Nayeon tap your shoulder, making you glance at where she was staring.

"Hey look... "She chuckled as she looked up at the ceiling behind you, "It's a mistletoe."

You turned back to Jihyo and gave her an 'are you serious?' look. She just mouthed 'Remember Mina!' as she gave you a quick thumbs up and a mischievous smile.

Nayeon glanced back at you worriedly, "We don't have to if you don't want-"

"No. It's fine." And before Nayeon could process what you just said, she felt a pair of lips on hers. Almost immediately she finally understood the position she was in, not backing down one bit.

Her hands slipped around your head, pulling you in deeper, lips locking together as if they were pieces of a puzzle made specifically for one another. At this point, even if you wanted to pull away, you couldn't. Her lips were warm. Soft. You could feel the soft tickle of her breath beneath your nose as her fingers flowed through your hair. The smell of her lavender perfume was dizzying as butterflies danced in your stomach.

You're almost disappointed as she pulls away, a string of saliva still connecting the two of you as you both glanced at one another, eyes glassy and glazed with want. Before either one of you could go any further, you heard Jihyo to your left squealing and looking at her phone.

"Oh. My. God. This is a god send!"

Your lips are left with a certain feeling as you quickly passed Jihyo and go to the "punch" bowl and poured yourself a couple of cups, quickly chugging them down.

"What was that Y/N?" Nayeon quickly asked from behind you, a new found form of confidence filling her up as you felt a warm breath on your left ear and a quiet whisper. "It seemed to me that you like me."

You felt a chill on your spine as you whipped around to face her and glare at her, "Don't do that. That was just a one time thing." And you swear you could not see this devil in Nayeon before in the parking lot as she just gave you a quick smirk and walked even closer to you. Now you were uncomfortable for a whole different reason. "Well... you're stuck with me for the rest of the party so maybe you'll feel different. We got hours to go Y/N to make you admit you fell for me."

"That won't work Nayeon." You said unsure. Maybe it would.

She smirked again, "It will. I'm sure."

And normally you don't think Nayeon's flirting would get to you but along with the poison you were chugging down, she was really going crazy with the amount of flattery she'd give you and the amount of physical contact she would have with you. She was practically glued to your hip as she would rattle on and on about the great characteristics you have and how you'd work so well with her.

"Do you admit that you like me? I'd say it's pretty easy to."

You let out a small chuckle as you took another sip of your cup, "No Nayeon, it just won't happen. I thought you heard me back in the parking lot. I'm not doing the whole relationship thing anymore."

"It's because you love too hard and you get nothing in return, right? Because I'm sure I can give you back your love tenfold."

You raised your eyebrows, "That's a bold claim to make Nayeon. I love hard."

She leaned in closer to your face as she looked you directly in the eyes, "Oh? Are you saying you're willing to take me up on that?"

Maybe you shouldn't have drank so much of whatever that punch was laced with. Maybe you shouldn't have come at all. Maybe you shouldn't have told Nayeon anything. Because now all those questionably bad decisions have led up to the last thing you clearly remember. Your lips on hers again melding together, hands on each other's waist and a simple nod from you. You were truly a fool for love.

"Yes I am."

[bungoustraypups]

Fictober Day 1: Brother (Let Me Be Your Shelter)

@fictober-event

Read on Ao3

Chuuya gets an unexpected visit from Paul Verlaine — the man who insists on calling himself his older brother — a day after he pulls off a difficult mission. They talk.

Prompt number: 1. "that was good work"

Fandom: Bungou Stray Dogs

Rating: T

Warnings/Tags: Nakahara Chuuya & Paul Verlaine (Bungou Stray Dogs)

Paul Verlaine (Bungou Stray Dogs), Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs)

Bonding, Family Bonding, Sibling Bonding, Brotherly Bonding, Awkward Conversations, Nakahara Chuuya & Paul Verlaine Are Siblings (Bungou Stray Dogs), Older Sibling Paul Verlaine (Bungou Stray Dogs), Good Sibling Paul Verlaine (Bungou Stray Dogs), Alternate Universe — Canon Divergence

Notes:

song in the title is "Brother" by NEEDTOBREATHE & Gavin DeGraw

october is gonna be a busy month for me but i'm gonna try getting as much done creatively as i can so here we are with this! i've also wanted to write for verlaine and chuuya specifically for a while so i'm fulfilling that desire too. i really do love them, especially in my fic 'verses

this fic is set in BSPverse, and happens about two years before safe & sound, so chuuya is about 16 here, and verlaine is about 30 (he's 22 when chuuya is 7, as far as my writing goes). this is also set before the canon-divergent events of what would be stormbringer according to the timeline

also chuuya has heterochromia here, as does verlaine. they both have full heterochromia (one blue one brown eye) but chuuya's brown is speckled with blue and vice versa, whereas verlaine's are a total split with no other colors in either eye.

also also the adoptive father of chuuya who is referred to here is an OC of mine, Sean Thomas Connery, who is loosely based off of James Bond and named after the man who played him the longest (and most famously) irl, Sean Connery. you'll see more of him in some of my other pre-hateful eight fics, and he'll be mentioned quite a bit throughout BSPverse

don't forget to leave a kudos AND a comment! comments fuel me now more than ever <3 reblogs here on tumblr are good too

and yes i am currently dealing with hurricane aftermath given that i live in SC so i do apologize for possibly getting even slower in the days/weeks to come :( but hopefully i'll post enough to keep my fics/me as an author from being forgotten

"That was good work."

Chuuya pauses in the middle of lighting up the cigarette in his hand when he realizes he's not alone. Blue-brown eyes pick up movement in his periphery, so he turns his head fully towards it, his expression as unsurprised as it is unimpressed.

The figure emerging from the darkness to stand at his side is none other than Paul Verlaine. Ever since they met officially a few weeks ago, following the man's return to Japan from a mission he'd been on overseas since before Chuuya was brought into the Port Mafia and subsequent promotion to the position of Executive because of that very mission, he hasn't been able to get away from him for as long as he's at work. Considering this same man was once a government spy, who still holds the title King of Assassins and has no plans to ever relinquish it voluntarily, that isn't a surprise.

Furthermore, the reason why Verlaine keeps hovering around Chuuya like some kind of homicidal mother bird isn't a surprise nor a mystery to him either. He isn't at all baffled by it, nor does he not understand why like some of the people he knows assume, either.

Chuuya finally settles on responding to Verlaine's statement with a quiet huff, finishes lighting the cigarette he'd nearly forgotten about, then mutters, "I think you're trying too hard to be nice to me."

Verlaine squints a little, an emotion caught between concern and confusion evident in his expression. "You misunderstand my intentions. I want to be good to you."

He frowns. It's not an angry frown, but rather one more familiar to the kind Chuuya's adoptive father might've made if he had been the one to catch him smoking instead of Verlaine. "I do suppose I could still be trying too hard to do that, and as such, I won't argue it."

The frown that twists Chuuya's face is irritated, as his voice when he hisses out, "Okay, and? What's the difference? Is there really a difference?"

"Being nice and being good to someone can indeed go hand in hand, but much like kindness and niceness, the two can also be done separately. In my eyes, being good to you, in this case, means praising your accomplishments as I see fit."

Chuuya growls at him, a sound coming from low in his throat, soft and half-hearted. "I don't need praise for doin' my job and acting on orders from the Don. You might as well praise me for breathing, if you're gonna do that."

"Would you like me to?"

The earnest look on Verlaine's face and tone of his immediate response catches Chuuya off-guard for half a second, and his response comes out bewildered despite his best attempts otherwise.

"It wasn't a request. I was tryin' to point out how ridiculous doing that would be."

Verlaine stares sheepishly in response, but says nothing in his defense. For reasons far beyond his understanding, it makes Chuuya feel bad, and he looks away, exhaling smoke from the cigarette.

"... my praise is far from baseless. You did do a good job. Outside of necessity, I do not make it a habit to lie to people. I wouldn't want to lie to my little brother, either."

Chuuya bristles a little. "You're still on about that 'little brother' shit?"

Verlaine's expression remains the same, outside of a deep sadness appearing in his eyes as he replies: "Regardless of whether or not you truly were a clone made from code in a laboratory as I was, or whether you are the child of a veteran who was stolen from a seaside village… the fact remains that both of us exist as we are right now for the same reason, as a result of the same desire, shared by scientists motivated by Ability research done on behalf of their wartime governments."

"And you think that's enough to make us family?"

"Last I checked, there was no need for two people to be close in any way for an adoption to take place."

The smile on Verlaine's face is longing as he continues. "Sean only knew you for a few hours before deciding to adopt you, did he not? I knew I wanted to adopt you the moment I laid eyes on you, as well." He pauses, hesitating, then says, quieter now, "Deciding to let you go after that, rather than hold onto you, was being kind to you, rather than good. It was that very action you told me made me a bastard in your eyes when we first met."

Chuuya rolls his shoulders. "I call lotsa' people that."

"You were angry, then. I could tell. It was well within your rights to be, too."

They both lapse into silence. Chuuya shuffles his feet, while Verlaine remains still. There's a distance between them of about three feet, and despite his clear desire to come closer, it's Verlaine who seems to be staunchly maintaining the distance, shifting away an equal amount whenever Chuuya unintentionally leans closer with his side-to-side motions when he shifts his weight and other unconscious little movements.

"Look, it's not you. Only Da praises me like that. He's the only person who ever has. It's weird to hear someone else do it."

"Perhaps it will become less 'weird' with time, then. Assuming time is something you are willing to give me."

Chuuya's breath hitches.

Verlaine continues, "As it stands… if I truly wanted to be kind to you, I would stop trying to stay close to you. I have never had any success in maintaining connections, friendships, or relationships of any kind outside of my beloved Arthur, and that is most certainly no coincidence. A being created on the whims of another such as myself, who cannot truly call himself a human, isn't meant to have friends, or family. Even Arthur was once nearly taken from me. I fear the same may happen to you, as well, someday."

"Don't."

Verlaine fixes Chuuya with a curious stare right as the boy looks up to meet it, a challenge burning in his eyes as he speaks.

"We're both members of the same organization, aren't we? If I'm good enough to earn your praise, you should know by now that I'm not gonna give up without a fight the second some fucker decides to make me a target. Besides, any fate that befalls me in the end? Is gonna be of my own doing. The only person who gets to decide when and how I die is me, and I don't mean that like how that bastard Dazai means it at all, either."

Now, it's Verlaine's turn to let out a short huff of disdain. "I would never assume you to be in alignment with that so-called partner of yours as it is. That would be insulting."

For the first time since they've spoken, Chuuya laughs, a real laugh, a bright smile stretching his face as he crushes the butt of his cigarette under his boot. "Y'know what? Maybe you and I really are brothers, after all!"

As he says that, Chuuya closes the distance between them so he can throw an arm around Verlaine's shoulders, like Albatross sometimes does to him and the other Flags, that earns him an elbow to the ribs on a bad day and an affectionate eye roll on a good day whenever he chooses Chuuya as his victim for roughhousing, and—

For the first time he can remember, Paul Verlaine thinks he just might have what it takes to truly be worthy of becoming a person, a human, of his own right.

[2ctheocean]

Hot take: EO is not ready to be together, no matter how much the fandom is ready for them to be. Elliot has barely acknowledged any of what had happened to Liv in the last 10 years. He hasn't asked. The one time he did, he fixated on her dating life. Not her kid, not her cases, not her trauma or how she made captain. Her dating life.

Doing all of that would mean admitting to her face that he was wrong to ghost her for a decade and that he regrets how much he missed (more than the half-assed version we got). Which will be hard for Stabler, who has a tough time being honest about his emotions anyway (the therapy is a FANTASTIC first step). Until he gets ALL of that information and tells her that, she's not going to be convinced he won't ever leave her again.

There's so much that's a part of her now that Stabler just doesn't know about.

And the one thing the fandom keeps forgetting is that Liv was traumatized by him leaving. One could argue Lewis was the peak of that truama on top of being his own hellbeast.

They were joined at the hip for 12 years. And then he just ghosted her. And for those four days when Lewis had her, she was forced to rely only on herself.

She's kept everyone else at a distance since he left. There have been dozens of moments in the last decade where she's been reminded of him-"did you really think he was going to look over one day and realize you were the woman he couldn't live without?"- But the last part of her that believed she wouldn't always need to save herself took a fatal blow when she saved herself from Lewis. Up until that moment, a small part of her geniunely hoped Elliot'd smash through the door and save her. She was thinking about him the entire time he was there.

But Stabler stayed gone, and she stayed alone, and she had to learn to be okay with it. His silence indicated to her that she wasn't in his thoughts, that everything she thought she knew about their bond wasn't real.

And then it was affirmed by Kathy's letter.

And then thrown off all over again by Elliot saying "In a parellel universe, it will always be you and I."

So. Many. Mixed. Signals.

Now he's back, and she's unwilling to take that wall down again because it's such a big risk. Ed was the only one after Elliot who even partially got through, and she did eventually shut him out when he got too close. Elliot has not earned his way back into her heart. He might have taken his first steps, but it's going to be a long road.

Or Benson is going to get abducted or something and Stabler's going to burst in and save her like he should have done a decade ago and it's going to make her understand that she can trust him again (this feels cheap to me as a social worker, but as a writer, it will make for great television)

This is all compounded by the fact that People. Keep. Walking. Out. On. Her.

The moment she forms what feels unbreakable, they're gone. The moment she feels safe and comfortable with them, they're gone. Munch, Craegon, Nick. Chief Dodds and his son. Barba. Stone. Kat. Garland.

And then Amanda almost died. And then Benson had to give her up too. Amanda, the closest thing she's ever had to a sister. Who's kids she's godmother too. The woman her son calls "Aunt" and has known since day one. Who has similiar problems and truamas, who was there for the worst moments of her life and went through her own with Liv right there.

I suspect the only reason Liv didn't take it even harder is because of Carisi. As long as she has him, Amanda's close by and she hasn't lost her completely. Amanda and Carisi are a packaged duo now (yet another set of partners Liv has watched get the happy ending she should have gotten with Elliot but that's another post).

She's still in a freefall though. It's why she's suddenly scrambling for reassurance from Fin that he's not leaving too. He's all she has left, the only one who's stayed. Ironically, he's the longest relationship she's ever had with a man now. Her brother in every way that matters.

Notice that while Fin struggles with Amanda leaving, he doesn't take it nearly as hard, at least that we've seen. He has Phoebe, after all. His partner- the one that mattered most, the one that came back. (All of this is being said before the Fin centeric episode in a week or two)

I've digressed here. Fin grounds her enough that she can keep working. He gets her to fill Amanda's desk. But she's still reeling. She's in no place to trust anyone new right now, or love anyone new.

And anything with Elliot she started right now would be new. Uncertain. And while she may know in her heart of hearts that he'll never leave her again, you cannot blame her for being tired of being hurt. That's what was happening when she stepped back from him to lean on the fridge. She wants to lean on him, fall into him, but she's so emotionally exhausted that she just can't risk it. She's Not Ready because she won't survive loving him again and then losing him again (too).

TLDR: I will defend Liv's reluctance to trust again to my dying breath and it's justified no matter how impatient I or the rest of the fandom get.

[thefrogdalorian]

I think (while obviously still important) the whole "please leave comments on fics you enjoyed" has been said to death, so I won't say it again. I would say I've actually been really lucky with engagement on my fics, but I just had probably the longest gap since I started posting and that, combined with me kind of struggling with things I'm writing currently, led me to a bit of a slump. Nothing world-ending, but just those usual lingering doubts - can I actually write? Is it even worth continuing with my WIPs? Does this all suck and I'm wasting my time?

Well I got four comments about my writing in a short space of time today and it's just the best feeling ever to come back to that. Giggling, kicking my feet, twirling my hair... the works. It genuinely made my day! Especially after a few days of nothing.

For writers, don't underestimate yourself. There are always people out there enjoying your work. It might take a bit of time for an audience to find their way to you and begin commenting, but trust that it will come. It's not a reflection on your talent either, a lot of people don't feel confident enough and doubt their ability to find words... but when someone comes along and does it feels incredible.

And for readers, NEVER underestimate your ability to make someone's day with a comment. Truly even if it's just a few words or even a keyboard smash and emojis... it means the world just to know someone out there is enjoying your writing, rather than just seeing numbers increase on a website which can be quite impersonal. We write for the love of it so there is always no expectation to comment, but to know that your work reached a real person and they ENJOYED it? The best feeling, as a writer.

Sending positive vibes to every author who hasn't had any feedback for a while, that you wake up to a bunch of comments like I did and it gives you that boost you need. Sending encouraging vibes also to every reader who might struggles to find words or be embarrassed about commenting. I hope you find it in yourself and make someone's day!

[laughdamnyou]

I understand not liking something or that it is not to your taste. But I am tired of things that I like being shit on constantly. If you don't like it or prefer something else, don't keep bringing it up or getting rude at someone else for liking it. Of course, this post is about the whole IDW vs Archie, but I believe it can be applied to many things.

I grew up with Archie somewhat, but only a Readers Digest every 4-6 months because we rarely went out. I grew up with disjointed comics and honestly? bad art. I have some of Tracy Yardley's back before he really got into a groove and colourers didn't really seem to care so there were lots of off-model colouring. When we finally got internet at my age of 14/15, I was immediately drawn in by the UK's Sonic the Comic. It was odd, it was trippy, and overall very memorable and fun for me (even if unintentionally). Amy was my favorite character and I would draw and write her like STC's scrappy tomboy Amy (doesn't help that I was doing archery at the time so I latched onto a cool female archer character). However, there wasn't very much recognition for my favorite comic, so I made do with Archie.

When Archie Sonic was canceled, I was upset a bit, but I saw it coming (fuck Ken Penders). When IDW picked it up, the consistent art and bright colours lured me in as well as building off of what Forces should've been (which is to say "good"). I loved Tangle and Whisper and for a bit Whisper was my new fixation (Rouge will forever be my absolute favorite Sonic female). But I noticed a massive amount of hate. I knew this would happen because fandoms rarely let a cancellation slide, let alone a fandom like Sonic. Especially to be replaced by another series with no returning original cast.

However, I was hoping it would disappear over time and Archie Sonic is remembered as "fun, dramatic, and mostly well written." especially as it was the longest running video game based comic ever (that I know of). But it hasn't. IDW isn't perfect, Ian Flynn isn't perfect, Sega isn't perfect, nor is Sonic Team. The writing can be off, Flynn does have the odd urge to put random music lyrics into dialogue awkwardly, Shadow is...off putting for any fan to say the least, the pacing could be better, and the constant delays are incredibly annoying.

Criticism is one thing, but constant hate and shit stirring is another. Please stop and be kind to your fellow fans. There are plenty of Sonic media for anyone. Whether it be games; Classic era, Adventure era, "modern" era, etc. Shows; SATAM, AOSTH, Prime, Boom, Underground. Movies; Sonic Cinematic Universe, OVA. Or Comics; Archie, IDW, STC, manga, etc.

So please calm down and either enjoy or at least appreciate what we have or go back and reread what you already love. Or make your own. That is always an option. I do sometimes, I even created a "Reboot" universe of sorts with my sister (though i am too scared to share it)

[eyedelater]

the past

(part 3 of a series of posts about tsukishima hajime. this is the last and longest one. see also parts 1 and 2.)

tsukishima's biggest hurdle in life is figuring out how to square away his troubled past while continuing to live. he feels like the only path he can follow is the one forged by tsurumi, a great man with big ideas who saved his life. he doesn't have any dreams or ambitions other than that because he doesn't value his own life at all. but it was tsurumi who made him that way in the first place.

when tsurumi asks tsukishima if he should have let igogusa know he was alive, tsukishima tells him that it's fine, but he only says that because he is on death row and has no reason to expect he will ever escape from it. he thinks that igogusa knowing he was a death row inmate would only shock and dismay her, so he would rather just die without her knowing the truth. (the line he says is, "iie… ima sara kanojo ni nanimo shiteageraremasen kara" "no… because there's nothing i can do for her at this point.") but that's based only on what he understands as his current situation at that time! if the order of things had been different, if tsukishima had first understood that he would be escaping with his life and living as a free man (albeit with a great debt to tsurumi), maybe his answer would have been very different! tsurumi intentionally timed his question so that tsukishima would give the wrong answer and then feel compelled to stand by it! tsurumi wants tsukishima to feel resigned to never seeing igogusa again, because then, he can focus solely on serving tsurumi's goals. now, because tsurumi made him say it was fine, changing his mind would be going back on his word and challenging the person who saved him from execution. he could not do it. his will was already mostly broken on that day.

isn't it a little cruel that we the readers have the dramatic irony of knowing that igogusa is alive and well when tsukishima never knows for sure in canon? apart from trusting that tsurumi told him the truth, that is. but tsurumi told him a mixed and tainted truth in the first place, and tsukishima realized that, so of course his trust is also tainted by painful doubt. he threw the hair away, but he hasn't forgotten her; he hits a low point and ends up asking inkarmat about her, and when he asks, he thinks of her face! for the first time in the story! it's such a meaningful reveal. and even if he later decides that doesn't want inkarmat's answer… does he really never want the answer? can he ever get closure? it's so sad… the line between "wanting to know" and "thinking you don't want to know" is painful to tread. i mean, on my part, i want him to let go of her so he can be with koito forever, joyful and unburdened... but maybe it would be finding out that she's fine without him that would really help him get closure and move on with his life… to then be with koito otonoshin forever… i mean, he and koito are canonically together forever either way, but i mean together in TRUE AND UNFETTERED ROMANTIC LOVE...! ahem.

in chapter 210, when tsukishima puts on his scariest face, he says, "あなたたちは救われたじゃないですか" "weren't you (plural) saved?" (polite form) (he keeps polite speech during his whole subsequent monologue, even though he gets a little emotional.) it took me a long time to understand this line, but maybe it's just dullness on my part. at first, i thought he was talking about koito and his father being "saved," but that's not right; the other party in the "you (plural)" must be ogata. then i was thinking that it was about ogata and koito not appreciating being "saved" by tsurumi, and tsukishima is upset that they're not just quietly cooperating like he does. like, "why can't you fools just go along with it? were you saved by him or not? if you were, just shut up and don't question it. like i do." but after thinking about it more, i've decided that he actually says it with a wry and pained irony: he was also "saved" by tsurumi and has mixed feelings about it, and that makes three. like, "you two were saved, weren't you? what, it doesn't feel that way? of course not... it's the same for me..." and that explains why he goes on to tell koito about how he himself was tricked. and the scary face is not that he's upset with koito or trying to scare him but rather a reflection of his own internal turmoil finally showing on his face for once.

the thing is, among ogata, tsukishima, usami, and koito, koito was the least "saved" out of all of them, because there was nothing for him to be "saved" from in the first place, and tsukishima knows that. koito was just kidnapped. by them. you could argue that he became closer with his father because of the incident, and that he was able to solve his problem of being shoehorned toward the navy despite being prone to seasickness, but that hardly amounts to "saving" from anything. koito was slated to live a bonbon life either way. so that's why tsukishima can't help but give his little sweet lies monologue to koito. because he knows that koito was wronged and not actually saved at all.

withering up

when tsukishima looks perfectly desolate after tsurumi revealed the depth of his farce with igogusa's fake bones (the moment tsukishima refers to as having "withered up completely" when explaining it to koito), i had a hard time discerning what he was feeling in that moment. he had just had his old wounds opened up, he got upset and punched and yelled at tsurumi, he tried to protect tsurumi from a shell, they both got grievously injured, and then tsurumi explained just how far he went for tsukishima's sake. so what exactly was it about that chain of events that made tsukishima wither up completely? i think i've realized that it was shame. what tsukishima felt in the withered-up panel was shame for having doubted tsurumi. it was deep self-disgust because he had lost control of himself enough to resort to violence, just like when he killed his father. not only that, but it was violence against the only person who valued him enough to save him! he hates himself in that moment. and that's exactly what tsurumi wanted, because the foil to miserable, self-hating tsukishima in that moment is tsurumi, his shining savior. everything about the interaction went exactly as tsurumi planned (apart from losing part of his skull).

as tsukishima explained to koito, it was only later that he slowly started to doubt tsurumi (after thinking about the logistics of meeting that sado resident in the field hospital); in that moment, he didn't doubt tsurumi whatsoever. he trusted him and respected him so deeply that that interaction is what led him to finally throw away igogusa's lock of hair after 9 years. tsurumi had finally broken him completely. the depth of his trust and respect for tsurumi was the depth of the shame and self-hatred that he felt, and that's how tsurumi was then able to pour in his affection and cement tsukishima as his most loyal pawn. he broke tsukishima's will and then touched him gently on the head. urgh! (gritting teeth! fists clenched!) a nicer person should touch tsukishima gently on the head…!

and then, when tsukishima slowly started to doubt what tsurumi told him, he didn't act on that doubt or tell anyone or do anything differently because he still didn't trust himself enough to feel like his feelings of doubt could actually be warranted. he just slowly let those feelings ferment, and it wasn't until koito confronted him about the kidnapping incident that he was able to actually bring those feelings to the surface and consult with someone about them. but even then, he did it in the habit of tsurumi's dirty work dog and finished his monologue by threatening to kill koito…

this whole character arc of being unable to decide whether to doubt himself or doubt tsurumi is extra painful because of the dramatic irony. he never gets closure about igogusa! he never knows for sure that she's alive, even though we, the readers, do! the question of whether tsurumi told the truth about her is integral to tsukishima's doubt or trust of tsurumi, and he never closes that door in canon.

the fact that igogusa is alive seems to indicate that what tsurumi did for tsukishima was real and that igogusa's parents really did orchestrate an island-wide lie about tsukishima's death so that they could marry her off to a rich family. when you first read the scene where tsurumi explains that to tsukishima, you must suspect that it is tsurumi's completely manufactured story to manipulate tsukishima, toeing the line of believability. but if tsurumi didn't lie and that's what really happened, then it's worth focusing on how that's a uniquely fucked up thing to happen to tsukishima. it's so sad and bizarre. and the pain tsukishima must have felt knowing that he killed his father not as revenge for igogusa's suicide but without any good reason at all, only as a consequence of losing his self-control because he failed to understand the ruse behind it all… he felt that hideous guilt at having lost his self-control, and then, 9 years later, tsurumi's charade provoked him and he lost his self-control AGAIN! and this time, it was tsurumi he punched! so when it became clear once again that tsurumi actually did help tsukishima and that igogusa was in fact alive, it was a new dose of the same hideous guilt, compounding it! and that's why tsukishima is so defeated. he loses ALL trust in his own judgment (at least for a period of time… of years) and bolsters only his self-control. he decides to not try to figure out things for himself anymore and instead surrender his free will to tsurumi, who is so kind to him and so clear and admirable, and as long as he holds onto his self-control while burying his own will, everything will work out… it's a win-win in his view! he knows he's being manipulated, but because he can't trust his own free will to guide him, he feels like being useful to tsurumi makes his life worthwhile! and of course tsurumi benefits from having created the perfect pawn! tsukishima turns off his free will and his heart, turns his self control to max, and follows instructions to a tee! that's why he's so good at dancing in the girl's group at the circus.

it took me a really long time to realize that the reason tsukishima had such an emotional reaction to the lighthouse parents not knowing the whereabouts of svetlana is that he can relate to it directly because he himself still doesn't know where igogusa is or whether she's alive (because he can't fully trust what tsurumi told him, even though we the readers know it's true). the pain of not even knowing whether someone important to you is alive or dead…

when tsukishima was chasing after tanigaki and inkarmat and koito came over and stopped him by saying it was an order from his superior officer… that was really brave and smart on koito's part. he understood that tsukishima is motivated by duty and commitment to tsurumi, but he couldn't have been 100% certain that tsukishima would obey his order and not kill him too. despite that, he was 100% confident in his authority to give that order, and tsukishima didn't expect that. tsukishima had been looking down on him to a degree (understandably), and that's why he was surprised that koito was willing to step up and use his authority like that despite being wounded and at a disadvantage. he called tsukishima's bluff (as a soldier, do you respect authority or not?), and tsukishima faltered. it was perfect because really nothing but an order from a superior officer (and fellow tsurumi loyalist) could have stopped him at that moment. (another note about that scene: i never noticed before but tsukishima is pointing a rifle at tanigaki and inkarmat, koito shows up, and tsukishima keeps his rifle pointing at those two while picking up a handgun with his other hand and pointing it at koito behind him. that's such a goofy maneuver!)

it seems very unlikely that tsukishima has talked in detail about his past ordeals to anyone but tsurumi (although i suspect others in the unit understand the general gist of things), and the two of them probably haven't talked about it since the battle of mukden. the reason is that tsurumi isn't actually interested in helping tsukishima heal, as that might diminish his capacity as a pawn. but koito would never think that way, and he would want to actually help tsukishima and make him happy. so i want to see koito and tsukishima talk to each other about his past and his pain so that tsukishima won't feel so alone in his internal struggles. i think i've become fixated on the idea of tsukishima achieving happiness… i just want it for him so bad… i need to go on ao3 or something. (i've only read 1 golden kamuy fanfic so far.)

[coffeeviolinist]

An Expansion on My Post From Yesterday aka Why Azusa Deserves Better

So yesterday, I made a post saying that I wish Gosho would give Azusa a little more character development because I feel like it's unfair to her that, for as long as she's been in the series (she debuted in episode 152), she hasn't been given much of a personality outside of being a friendly coffee shop girl. In this post, I'll expand a little more on why I feel like Azusa's character has been done a disservice.

Now, before I get started, I want to clarify that I don't think there's anything wrong with her being a friendly coffee shop girl, and I don't mind her in general. She's a kind, sweet woman, which makes her an easy character to like. At the same time, though, I also find it hard to get super attached to her for reasons I'll list below.

Number one, while I like the fact that she's a friendly coffee shop girl, I definitely wish that wasn't the only aspect of her personality that got any sort of major focus. We've seen flashes of Azusa having more to her than that, such as when she rebelled against the police when her brother was framed for murder, but Gosho hasn't done anything to expand on those aspects of her character. I'm not saying she needs to be a CIA spy or another detective or even involved with the BO in any way, but she deserves something more than what she's been given so far.

Another issue I have with Azusa's treatment is how Gosho basically treats her as if she's only semi-more important now because she's coworkers with Amuro. Here's what I mean by that.

Since her debut in episode 152 (1999), Azusa has appeared in the main anime a total of 27 times as of when I'm writing this post. In addition, out of those 27 appearances, 16 of them came after Amuro started working at Poirot with her. From episode 537 to 723, there was a four-year gap in which Azusa didn't appear in the anime at all, not even in the background of an episode. Considering she works literally one floor down from the Mouri detective agency, that seems a little off to me. Surely it wouldn't have been that hard for Gosho to at least acknowledge her existence during those four years.

Actually, if you want to get technical, Azusa has really only appeared in the anime 25 times because, in episodes 866-867, it wasn't even really her. It was Vermouth in disguise.

It also doesn't help that ever since Amuro started working at Poirot, Azusa's character has basically been relegated to being his coworker. Even though she's technically getting more spotlight than she used to, it's almost never really her that's getting the spotlight. It's more like Conan's getting Amuro's help with a case and Azusa just happens to be there. And that's literally all she does most of the time. She's just...there.

But even if Gosho can't think of anything for Azusa to do besides her usual job, then he could at least expand more on her relationships with other people in her life. We know that she has an older brother who she's literally willing to defy the police for, and according to ZTT, she's friends with Eri's assistant. Amuro is not the only important person in her life, but for some reason, whenever she makes an appearance now, it's almost always by virtue of being his coworker.

Maybe I'm reading too much into things, but it's almost as if Gosho doesn't actually care about Azusa even though she's one of the longest-recurring characters in the series. I honestly think that if Amuro hadn't gone to work at Poirot, we would have seen even less of Azusa than we already have.

So when I say I find her character hard to get too attached to, it's not because of anything she's done. It's because of what she hasn't done, or, more accurately, what she hasn't been allowed to do because Gosho won't let her do anything meaningful. Why? Who knows, really? Maybe he just doesn't care enough, maybe he's just terrible at writing female characters in general, or maybe she was supposed to be a self-insert for fans to project themselves onto, and giving her a very basic personality was the easiest way to achieve that. Whatever the case may be, it's very unfair to Azusa. She deserves better than the treatment she's gotten so far.

[salemssimblr]

Sims - get to know me

I was tagged by @druidberries & @m0n0lithical! Thank yall for the tags!

I rarely actually play the game so take my answers with a grain of salt but this should be fun!

1. What’s your favourite sims death? Cowplant, hands down

2. Alpha CC or Maxis Match? For the longest time I was strictly Maxis Match but recently I've been way more Maxis Mix and I'm loving it

3. Do you cheat when your sims gain weight? Nah I let it happen!

4. Do you use move objects? Religiously, I cannot build without it. Routing be damned!

5. Favorite mod? BBB, I cannot play this game without it. I also get ornery if I don't have UI cheats extension and more CAS columns.

6. First expansion/game/stuff pack you got? I was on the Sims 4 bandwagon from day 1, so Outdoor Retreat.

7. Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing? Living. You've got build, buy, and live, at least that's how my brain rationalizes it.

8. Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? I'm obsessed with all of my rpg oc sims (Ariss, Katya, Nat, Kai, Calista, etc), but probably my favorite sim-sim, well that's hard too. I really love my Simeon Silversweater makeover, and Rhiannon Reinhardt is prob my fave original sim.

9. Have you made a simself? I have! I've made myself, my husband and our dog (: One day I'll have to render them and post pics, I'm sure they all need an update now.

10. What sim traits do you give yourself? Clumsy, creative, & paranoid lmao

11. Which is your favorite EA hair color? Idk prob black or dark brown, so many of the other swatches look unnatural to me. I like the fun colors though, esp the lighter blue/cyan-y swatch.

12. Favorite EA hair? In terms of design, I really liked the braids that came with RoM and the really cool swatches, but I rarely ever use that hair.

13. Favorite life stage? YA cause it's the only one with adequate gameplay oops lmfao

14. Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay? BUILDER I rarely play the game at all but if I am I'm probably building. It seems every time I actually get into gameplay (which is rare in itself) something (a patch) comes along and breaks everything to the point where I can't anymore and I lose love for it all over again.

15. Are you a CC creator? I am! But only barely haha. I've made a few recolors and some art, but nothing from scratch YET. Soon hopefully

16. Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad? I do! I'm a moderator of @cozyacres's Cozy Cave discord server and I LOVE out little community there! I've also got so many wonderful mutuals here I love you all so much.

17. What’s your favorite game? Sims 3 was fantastic and if I remembered more of it I'd probably say 3, but I got really invested in the community for 4 and it does hold a special place in my heart even if it's deeply flawed. So, 4.

18. Do you have any sims merch? I do not.

19. Do you have a YouTube for sims? I have an account but I haven't posted anything yet! I'd like to one day post speed builds and speed renders, I just need to figure out my recording process (I tab out of what I'm doing so often that I feel like the editing would take a million years for me to remove all of my discord chats lmfao)

20. How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing? I feel like my actual sims style hasn't changed too much, except that I've incorporated a lot more maxis mix/alpha into my style, but that's mostly for rendering and not actual gameplay.

21. What’s your Origin ID? SalemsSims! I have a few CC-free builds on the gallery (:

22. Who’s your favorite CC creator? This is an impossible question to answer. I love so many for gameplay vs render resources.

23. How long have you had a simblr? I just legit checked cause I wasn't sure and it turns out I've been shitposting since 2019! Who knew!? lmao

24. How do you edit your pictures? I'm lucky enough to mooch off my dad's photoshop license. For renders and screenshots alike, I'll edit the brightness, contrast, levels and curves and then use a collection of PS actions/tweaking/blur/vignettes etc as necessary to get the effect I want.

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far? It's really hard to say... I've been excited for each one of them then disappointed in each one of them lmfao what a mood. I gotta say I was really pleasantly surprised by Werewolves, and HSY exceeded my expectations, even though both had their fair share of disappointments. I don't think I really have a favorite overall though (which is def a side effect of... not actually playing the game, lmao). But those two actually got me playing the game and that's saying something.

26. What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next? Oops I own them all so, whatever comes next that strikes my fancy. Idk how I feel about the horse rumors though... we'll see if it's actually good or just another disappointment.

Tagging @chaoticsimlish, @reality-refuge, @raiiny-bay, @glammoose, @buttertrait, @crsentfairy, @glittermutt, @crazy-lazy-elder-sims & anyone else who wants to do this! My brain turns into a goldfish whenever it's time to tag so pls don't be offended if I didn't tag you!

[aftokrator-official]

B, C, F, and G to start~?

B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind.

Man, so many! I am very suggestible when it comes to ships and my friends are talented so it is very easy to draw me into things 😂 Some examples off the top of my head, mostly MP100 and World Trigger:

Minori/Mob, which i hadn't really thought about until Mis put it in my head and now they're married with children in my endgame headcanons

Hatori/Minegishi - that one's your fault hehe

KaiKashi

SuwaKaza

ToriHyu

Not from anyone I know personally, but various Pixiv artists and doujinshi sold me on TachiNino

....I feel like at least half of my watori ships are Mis's fault now that I'm thinking about it hahaha

(honorable mention to jinyuu as well, since it was in my mind when I started the series from Mis talking about them - i feel like it's very likely I would have started shipping them independently anyway, bc the dynamic is Very Good, but Mis made it inevitable ksdjfskd)

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will.

YuuOsa and TachiJin come to mind... I LOVE both as platonic relationships, but I just... don't see Osamu or Tachikawa as someone Yuuma or Jin would be attracted to, respectively? And top Yuuma just isn't it for me. (I do actually own a single OsaYuu doujin... because the art was gorgeous and it had post-body-recovery Yuuma with his missing limbs and eye, which I am always down for, lmao.)

Azuma with his kids, especially Miwa/Koarai/Okudera - I just can't imagine him not being incredibly scrupulous about maintaining healthy boundaries with the teenagers under his care, and the alternate character interpretation of "predatory Azuma" that i've seen in a lot of the azumiwa/etc content is... extremely Not For Me.

It's not a huge ship, and basically nonexistent on the eng side of fandom, but Hyrein/Osamu still baffles me. Like, Osamu-fuckers chase ur bliss, etc, but Hyrein had SO LITTLE to say about Osamu personally compared to other Border agents he fought (Izumi, obviously, but even Miwa and Karasuma) that I just cannot imagine Osamu leaving any impression on him at all, let alone the obsessive villain/hero ship that has apparently spawned more doujins than haiizu no i'm not salty leave me alone

F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom?

HMMM this is a really hard one to quantify since there are some fandoms that I tend to return to periodically, and often have like... one primary fixation but several running in the background that can still Activate me periodically. The longest individual fixations tend to be around 1.5-2 years (Transformers, Star Trek, Promare, and MP100 all reached that point) - but there are comfort fandoms that I circle back to repeatedly that have been in my life for decades (Star Trek and Pokemon are a couple of the major ones, and Ar Tonelico is a more recent example that hasn't quite hit a decade yet but shows no signs of going anywhere). And while MOST of my fic/art consumption and creative output is in Watori right now, I still would say I'm in MP100 fandom to some extent - I still buy shimateru/Claw-centric doujins when I see them, a lot of my friends are still active in the fandom, and I've got shimateru WIPs I hope to circle back to eventually. OTOH I don't really see myself returning to writing for Promare and don't currently have any interest in my older Star Trek WIPs, but I still like to rewatch both of them, I have no intention of selling any of the Promare merch that is in every room of my house, and I still love going to the Trek con in Vegas every couple of years and have some future cosplay plans... And you can still absolutely activate those parts of my brain if you talk to me about the Dominion or Kraylio, hahaha. It's very nebulous but I kind of like it this way! I like still feeling connected to my fandoms even after the intense hyperfixation phase has faded.

G - Have you ever had an OTP? If so, do you remember your first one? Who was in it?

I always have one or two Big Fav Ships in any given fandom, but I've always been a multishipper also, so "true" OTPs are a little rarer. I remember Ishihime in Bleach being one of the first non-canon ships I felt pretty strongly about, and disliking Ichihime as a result, but I also liked Ulquihime a lot, so... lmao. The first truly exclusive OTP I can remember might actually be Han'Gerrel/Zaal'Koris from the original Mass Effect trilogy, which was incidentally also the beginning of my shift from primarily-het shipper to primarily-gay shipper hahah.

I think in my mind, something qualifies as an OTP if it's like... the True Ending in my mind, even when I also enjoy other ships. Like- in MP100, Shimazaki and Teru just Are Together, even though I also sometimes enjoy other ships involving them like touishima, shimamine, riteru etc - those other ships just always are "relationship history" or "alternate timeline" in my head, and I never really imagine them long-term in the same way.