#sswmm m round 1

[simblorbo-bracket]

Round 1 - Simblr's Saddest, Wettest Meow Meow - Mainline

Saxen (@herecirmsims) VS. Nancy Landgraab (@fallstaticexit)

(polls are presented left -> right unless stated otherwise)

Who's sadder? Who's wetter? Read on for more information, and vote with your heart!

What is a ‘Meow Meow’?

(taken from tumblr user @/torturelabyrinth) “The thing about a true poor little meow meow is they have to be 1) downtrodden 2) morally questionable at best 3) deeply and pathetically miserable”

Saxen

Things Sax does extremely well: fainting and bleeding (separately), fainting and bleeding (combination), rotting in bed, crying or being completely stoic (no in between), causing more problems while trying to fix his previous problems, omitting certain truths (aka lying).

Now, I don't know if he really counts as an SWMM because he's not a classic villain... but in his pursuit of Doing The Right Thing he has made some awful choices. Good intentions, poor outcomes.

I present the evidence beneath the cut:

Some of his crimes:

In an attempt to save his sister, he left his post and facilitated the escape of a world-devouring entity which he was supposed to help contain.

After his sister died he made another attempt to save her, via necromancy, and instead doomed her to an endless cycle of death and rebirth. Until recently, none of her reincarnations were healthy enough to survive infancy.

He befriended the parents of this latest incarnation without filling them in on the backstory, or his motives. After they were killed by his enemy, he took the baby and kept her hidden for 11 years (did she have grandparents, uncles, aunts? Yes, probably. He claims they couldn't have cared for her like he did and technicallyyyy he's right, since her survival required magic, but...)

He broke the arm of one of his 'adopted' adult kids (he has an enchanted cottage which has been a refuge for a lot of people) when said adult tried to prevent him from killing someone else. Yes, technically he did only push Thom and didn't intend for Thom to hit the wall so hard, but...

Long story short but his home world didn't end, it was just knocked out of its timeline for a while. Unfortunately, due to his actions on the day the Grim escaped (attacking portal guards and forcing his way through the rift, just as an unrelated-to-him group stormed the castle), he was a) assumed dead and b) immediately arrested on his return for treason and attempted regicide.

He's a constant menace and cause of stress to his man, the kindest and sweetest soul to ever live. He doesn't mean to be, it's just that his attempts to keep Fen safe often seem to involve risking himself in increasingly creative and fatal ways.

Why should you vote for Sax? Well, I think his endless complex trauma and the fact that almost all his misfortunes happened because he was trying to fix things/help people makes him pretty damn tragic and definitely very damp. He could do with a win. Plus... look at him. 🥲

Nancy Landgraab

What makes Nancy a Sad, Wet Meow Meow? Our famously known townie turned OC is the Queen of Melancholy. She's closeted, she's religiously repressed, she's h*rny, she's rich, she carries the burden of her deceased elder brother, she's the bane of her mother's existence. When she's not internalizing her self loathing, she's gazing longingly into the distance thinking about a life free of her mother's judgement and status that she never wanted in favor of running free through a sunflower field kissing beautiful women. And when she manages to actually show up for her two sons, she's still so emotionally detached that this will very much come up in a therapy session later. Her husband is almost on his knees begging for her to smile but she's still pining after her first love while being married to said husband (who's a second runner up for SWMM tbh).

She's a cheater, she's a liar, she's about to get into some risky, sketchy business, she disappoints her children, she's morally grey, she's a top, she's catholic, she's a cougar, she likes to splurge on dr*gs and strippers, the list goes on. ahhh.

[simblorbo-bracket]

Round 1 - Simblr's Saddest, Wettest Meow Meow - Mainline

Rook (@morrigan-sims) VS. Andre St. Fleur (@armoricaroyalty)

(polls are presented left -> right unless stated otherwise)

Who's sadder? Who's wetter? Read on for more information, and vote with your heart!

What is a ‘Meow Meow’?

(taken from tumblr user @/torturelabyrinth) “The thing about a true poor little meow meow is they have to be 1) downtrodden 2) morally questionable at best 3) deeply and pathetically miserable”

Rook

Why a SWMM? I call him my "idiot bastard man", and it's accurate in every sense of those words. Actual literal bastard son of a nobleman. Ran away from home and joined a pirate crew because he was terrified of getting stuck working a dead-end job for the rest of his life (he was 17). Had 6 great years sailing with his captain, who was the first person who was ever nice to him. He even had one (1) real friend!!! But the rest of the crew hated him and thought the captain was showing him favoritism, so he got given a drugged drink during a "birthday celebration" on shore, and given to a rival captain. She kept him and torture him for 2 years until he escaped. He met two good father figures but one of them turned out to be the BBEG (see above), and the other one died 2 days later. The day after that he got kidnapped again. He's been cursed by a demon lord so he has terribly nightmares and barely sleeps. He's convinced that his life has no value, and is self-sacrificial to the point of self-destruction. Keeps telling people who care about him very concerning news (mainly that he died) in really stupid ways. Has died 3 times, and has been pulled back from the brink countless more. Goes down at least once every combat / gets the shit beat out of him constantly. Was reunited with his one (1) friend and she immediately got killed because of his actions. Has no common sense. Extremely impulsive. Got told he was too reckless to be trusted with his own life. Gets bullied by major villains on a regular basis. Has taunted powerful people twice and gotten killed both times. Has no common sense. A capital L Liar, has never told the truth in his life. Hasn't properly buttoned a shirt in ~9 years. Other people knew that his beloved mentor and father figure was actually the BBEG but they didn't tell him. Had to see said mentor figure get brutally "killed" in front of him.

Origin: He's my longest-running Dungeons & Dragons character, and I have literally never been more obsessed with a character in my life. And completely unbeknownst to me I wrote him to be a perfect parallel to the BBEG of the entire campaign. Hence why the DM made said BBEG show up and be Rook's mentor... Fun times!!!

Additional Propaganda: I mean, just look at this shit:

^ that should say "unless", not "in case", I made a typo and didn't realize until later.

Tags from a friend on a post I made about him:

Andre St. Fleur

What makes him a Sad, Wet Meow Meow? Born to royalty but completely temperamentally unsuited for it, Andre is pathetic and sad and weak-willed and a big, giant loser. He's the king of a small and unimportant country, and he simply cannot parent effectively or stop cheating on his wife. Finally forced to decide between his mistress and his wife of nearly 30 years, he became so paralyzed with indecision that he developed a terminal illness instead, saving him from ever having to make up his mind about anything.

Just some additional pictures of Andre moping, crying, and letting his loved ones down </3

I think my boy has the potential to go far, but even if he gets knocked out in the first round...what could be sadder, wetter, or more pathetic than getting immediately eliminated from the "most pathetic" tournament?

[simblorbo-bracket]

Round 1 - Simblr's Saddest, Wettest Meow Meow - Mainline

Geoffrey Landgraab (@fallstaticexit) VS. Steelie Buzzkill (@literallyjusthereformods)

(polls are presented left -> right unless stated otherwise)

Who's sadder? Who's wetter? Read on for more information, and vote with your heart!

What is a ‘Meow Meow’?

(taken from tumblr user @/torturelabyrinth) “The thing about a true poor little meow meow is they have to be 1) downtrodden 2) morally questionable at best 3) deeply and pathetically miserable”

Geoffrey Langraab

What makes Geoffrey a Sad, Wet Meow Meow? What’s more pathetic: marrying the girl of your dreams just for her to turn you into the biggest cuck in the tristate area or slowly gaining consciousness but still pretending you don’t see it because what’s wrong with a little sobbing into your wine glass over your cheating wife’s affair? Geoffrey’s sweet, sensitive nature has paved way for him to be a meek, spineless fluff of a man that will stand outside on the front porch with bated breath for the return of his wife after she plows yet another woman into the mattress under the guise of running a multimillion dollar company (it’s both).

This is the same man who look his own sons in the eyes and know they deserve better but will quietly beg for it from across the room because communication is scary when your wife has walls as thick as the mascara that runs down your face. And just when you start to have an ounce of faith; you’re reminded this is the man who saw with his own four eyes actual hickies on the inside of his wife thighs and chooses to do- well. NOTHING. 😀 Because if you never acknowledge your cheating wife’s passionate affair, did it actually happen? 😏

Steelie Buzzkill

Nothing better says it than the last name Buzzkill. He just cannot contain his moodiness to himself. From his lackluster customer service composed of primarily a deadpan voice and a dead-eyed stare, to his need to glare at his coworkers when they're goofing off, this guy cannot give anybody a break.

Things Steelie hates about life:

Life doesn't seem so lustrous when one of your earliest memories of the open world was being frantically tossed out of a the back of a transport truck in a wave of silicon bodies. Steelie was brought into the world as an incarnate: a commissioned android designed to match a character provided by a client.

The law banning ownership of androids using the Mimic AI Model went into action during Steelie's transport. He and his fellow incarnates were hastily dumped on the side of the road and left behind. After shaken foot-travel, he located a tiny rural town, where he began trying to make this life of his work.

He's an employee at the local IHopTopic, a dusty relic of a very old and very unsuccessful partnership deal between companies IHop and Hot Topic. The job serves well enough for a dead-end job in a dead-end life.

Steelie is very uninterested in learning who commissioned him and who he is supposed to be. He chose his own name, and since his transport ended before he went through the personality and memory programming phase, has no idea what he was meant to be called. Only that he was definitely made in the image of some sort of anime. When Steelie stocks shelves, he just hopes from the bottom of his heart he doesn't find anything that looks like him.

Extra: He wants to change his hair, but it is made of a special silicon, which is expensive as hell to get redone. So he can't afford it.

His ears came pre-pierced. He just just purchased some cheap rings for them.