#this has been sitting so long in my drafts because of how silly and dumb it sounds but I guess I'm releasing it into the wild

[that-culdesac-kid]

So we talked about how Tamarack's color palette matches with her favorite colors before. And since then, I've been wondering if Qiu has similar explanation behind their color palette as Tamarack does with hers.

But unlike Tamarack, Qiu's favorite color is only gold, and they don't even have it in their color palette. I guess their sweater can kinda fall on the gold spectrum, but this still doesn't explain the green jacket, the red scarf, or the other colors in their outfit.

So... does this stop me from trying to find some secret explanation behind those colors?

*Puts on tin foil hat*

Nope! Quite the opposite actually, I'm taking this as a personal challenge.

Let's start with the green jacket. It's easy to miss this line, but if MC says their favorite color is green, Qiu will mention that they like green too—the darker kinds, like how their jacket is.

Earlier, we considered their sweater looking pretty close to gold, but it is stated in the game that their sweater is orange, which is the color that both Qiu and Ren like.

(I personally disagree and think Qiu's sweater is brown, but maybe it's just me )

And following that pattern, I think we can also assume that the red in Qiu's scarf and sneakers comes from the color that Ren likes too.

But if their close friends' favorite colors is the pattern here, then what about Baxter?

Well, Baxter's favorite colors are black and white.

And guess what the colors of Qiu's bike (and helmet) are?

Okay. Yeah. I know I'm going overboard with the color analyzing. This is the kind of stuff your brain came up with on 3 am when you thought you had a big epiphany but then realized how silly it sounds after you write it down.

But intentional or not, I still think it's interesting that Tamarack's palette is mostly formed of her favorite colors, while Qiu's palette has their friends' favorites but lacks the one color that they like the most.

(Interestingly, though... step 2 is the time where they actually have gold in their color palette, but the colors they originally had in step 1 seem to disappear in that stage)

[cxffecoupx]

what 2 am with them looks like

seventeen × gn reader comfort, healing (kinda, idk) warnings: mentions of making love, food wc: 1.3k author's notes: this was a random thought, and has been in my drafts for so long, so i decided i had to complete it. writing this gave me a peace i didn't know existed, so i love this work very much. i hope you guys love it too <3

➼ choi seungcheol

in bed. he's probably fucking you into the next week, making you cum at least 5 times before he kisses you gently and washes you up and prepares to sleep. if not this, then you're probably on your side of the bed. the other side of the bed remains empty, because your cuddly clingy boyfriend is wrapped around you, strong arms trapping your movements and legs tangled together.

➼ yoon jeonghan

dumb conversations. lying in bed, your head resting on his arm, your arm wrapped around his torso that shakes with the laughter. it's probably one of your lame jokes that only he finds funny, or one of his hilarious stories about seungkwan and chan, but it's got you both clutching your stomachs after a while. he pulls you close with his arm that's under your head and presses a light kiss to your forehead before finding another interesting topic. when do you sleep that night, that's a question you both have no answer for.

➼ hong jisoo

deep conversations. you're both sitting in your bedroom, hugging pillows as you slip into deep conversations about the universe and your future. you aren't sure how you got here, you were in your bed to sleep one moment and in the next, you're both sitting as you talk about your wedding and your house and the stars and the moon and his mom and his job; the conversation flows easily into the next topic. he only stops when he sees you suppress a yawn for the 3rd time before kissing you and suggesting you both go to sleep.

➼ moon junhui

watching cat videos. it all started a few hours ago, with you and jun on either side of the bed, scrolling through phones. you roll over to him, perfectly landing your head on his chest as you show him your screen. "look junie," you said as you shoved the phone into his face. he chuckles before holding your hand and focusing on the video of an orange cat tripping over it's own feet. he laughs watching it, and it ends up in you lying on his chest as you both watched every single cat video available on the earth. your laughs filled the room and tears filled your eyes, but it felt so good, spending time doing silly things like this.

➼ kwon soonyoung

passive watching soap operas. its the time of calm and quiet after the rush of the day, so when you turn on the tv after dinner, you stay like that until late hours. except the focus has moved from the drama on the tv to drama from work. from sitting at the ends of the couch, you end up tangled somehow - his head resting on your lap or him sitting on the floor, hands held with yours. the tv drones on at a low volume, but by then you've both shared all the tea from your work and are giggling over the littlest of things. in the morning, you're both probably on the floor, one of the cushions as a pillow and keeping warm by hugging each other.

➼ jeon wonwoo

playing games. after much practice and pain, you'd finally gotten better at the games wonwoo often played. most nights you'd be a team going against your other friends, but sometimes you prefer to play against him. and when that happens, it ends in either of the two ways: you're winning and start shaking your hips, or he's winning and decides to deliberately lose to help you win. either way, he wants to see your happy lil dance.

➼ lee jihoon

in his studio. jihoon's seated in his studio, working on a new track. when you arrive, he immediately pulls you to him, making you sit on his lap as he hands you his headphones. you look at him, confused, but wear them anyway and listen as he plays the track he was just working on. as you fall deeper into the melody of the song, he grips your hips in anticipation. it was a song to you, from him, containing the most heartfelt emotions he'd felt for you, but couldn't communicate properly. so he decided to put them into a song, a language he speaks so well and one that you understand.

➼ lee seokmin

having breakfast cereal. you'd gone through great lengths to find and buy the brand of cereal you both highly enjoyed. so now that you have it, why wait for the morning? when he wakes you up in the middle of the night, anxious and groggy about your reaction, he'd worried you'd judge him. but maybe it's the sleepiness hanging in his mind that he forgot you both basically share the same braincell. so the next minute you're stumbling into the kitchen, looking for bowls and cartons and giggling over spilling milk and noisy spoons. by the time you're done, your stomach's filled with food and heart's filled with love.

➼ kim mingyu

moments of soft intimacy. the evening goes by peacefully: you both come home, tired and exhausted; have a silent dinner mingyu lovingly prepared and talk about work; after some leftover work you both head to bed. but slowly, the stroke on the cheek becomes kissing, drawing shapes on your back as you kiss and nip at the base of his neck. mingyu's vulnerable now, only with you, but neither of you are in a rush to haste. his hands cup over your ass and thighs; your hands are braided in his hair. his palms knead the flesh of your breasts; your fingers gently brush across his chest and abs. whether or not you make love comes later, but you sleep peacefully in each other's embrace.

➼ xu minghao

sky-watching. when you poke him awake, he's definitely concerned, but the first thought that pops to his head when you say you cant sleep is to go sit in the balcony. so now, at 2 am, you're in the balcony, a cup of warm tea in your hands and xu minghao at your side. its silent, but its a comfortable silence that wraps around you like a blanket, and warmed up by the tea he specially made for you. and although for others, the silence might seem awkward, minghao knows that this is exactly what you need to escape from the thoughts racing around in your mind.

➼ boo seungkwan

late night walks. seungkwan's energy peaks after he comes home and sees you, so walks to tire you both out becomes a staple in the routine. youre walking the streets in matching hoodies (that's because you take one of his) and even in the cold, he makes it a habit to hold your hand in his. you wander through new streets every night, discovering new neighbourhoods, having a quick snack from the convenience store, and usually stumble over a park or play area. you can feel seungkwan's eyes light up and the next thing you know, youre on the swings, side-by-side. with the little squeeze of your hand, he lets you know he's ready to go back.

➼ chwe hansol

watching a movie. to hansol, any logical being would be asleep at this hour. (un)fortunately for him, you weren't as logical as he thought. but maybe he enjoys it because why else would he allow you to keep him awake at this ungodly hour, watching 'Tangled' for the twentieth time now? all frowns erase the moment he sees pascal on the screen, and a smile places itself. he becomes so engrossed in the movie he doesn't even notice that you'd fallen asleep about halfway through the movie. when he does notice tho, he silently closes the laptop and places it away, before slipping back into the bed to get his precious sleep.

➼ lee chan

listening to him talk. chan loves to talk, and you love to listen to him talk. while mostly by this time you're both dead asleep, sometimes you end up in the balcony, the wind playfully ruffling his hair as he goes on and on about something he's so so passionate about. it could be the most trivial things, but the way his eyes go wide as he's expressing his emotions and the way they catch the moonlight in them like little stars. you're gonna be pretty tired the next morning, but when chan's with you, you couldn't care less.

[hana-the-ghostieee]

a lot of ideas infest my brain but this one is pretty new! partially because recently i've been getting into more popular vocaloid songs (mou ikkai! mou ikkai! "watashi wa kyou mo korogarimasu." to shoujo wa iu, shoujo wa iu) and po pi po. has taken me in (mwehehe!!!)

so imma just write yet another 2dmv (this is more of a draft than anything tho soooo. no cool sections with specific vocal lines)

so mhm! for april fools this year how about we torture rui >:333

(except it isn't we cuz i'm sure "we" aren't like. sega or colorful palette's project sekai team)

as always because this thing is going to be long, you're welcome mobile users blah blooh bleh, i puteth the stuff under the cut so go check it out if you want

hold on imma title it and everything though i haven't fleshed out really specific parts

Po Pi Po - LamazeP (ft. Miku Hatsune, Emu Otori, Nene Kusanagi)

anyways! we torture rui >:DDD

so! for the 2dmv! it's in the style of a 3dmv with like a general stage-y dancey area and blah

yes. we torture rui. that. that's like all there is.

emu, nene and miku are all in slightly altered green workout project diva (?) outfits with different details and stuff i guess (but they all have to match cuz cohesive set thingy.)

so from the beginning of the song to around the end of the first chorus we're in the wondershow sekai, with rui sat at a table, refusing to eat his vegetable filled bentou. nuh-uh. no way in bahooey. and emu, miku and nene are just walking around him as. the po pi po cult, tryna get him to eat his food. oh also meiko rin len and luka have rui at tazer-point so if he ever tries to run off he'd probably go bbbrzrzZRRZRZRZBZRZBZRZBRZRZRZBZBRZRBZRBZRZZZZZZ (yes, in bold)

and then around after the first chorus, kaito leads tsukasa to the main area and he's like. what's going on. and then he sees the table, rui and the vegetable-filled bentou. ohhhhhhhhhhhh. but instead of joining the po pi po cult he goes sits at the table with rui and tries to coax him into actually eating his vegetables.

(for the whole thing the camera focuses on the po pi po cult, but from here rui and tsukasa argue in the back. like look. "but they taste disgusting!" "but they're good for you!" "have you even felt the texture of those disgusting things?" "just eat it TwT" "let's kiss" "sur... sTOP DISTRACTING ME")

and yeah after that exchange of dialogue we focus on more po pi po cult!! in the choruses there's going to be. flying vegetables and like vegetable juice carton box thingy cutouts cuz we have to push the theme or something

and po pi po cult is surrounding the oddballs (mainly 2) and yk. pushing him to eat the vegetables.

and then around the second chorus in the back tsukasa goes "*sigh* okay fine. if i kiss you will you eat your vegetables?" but rui only heard kiss so they go at it (woo.)

but then but then!! (for some reason i feel like he sounds like nene here if she wasn't part of the po pi po cult) near the end, (a very flustered, tomato-red) tsukasa's like "okay. now eat your vegetables." "eh?!" "what eh. that was the deal." "there was a deal?!?" "stop playing dumb =w= eat your vegetables before i take these chopsticks and feed you myself." "waa~, you're going to feed me? kasa, you're such a romantic~" "...mhm... *looks at vegetable-filled bentou*"

"YOU'RE GOING TO FEED ME THESE VEGETABLES?!?!?"

"if i must."

"BETRAYAAAL."

and then at the very end we see a (chibi?) rui with tears streaming down his face, mouth full of lettuce.

(for him this is torture of the highest degree.)

yeah i sent this to a friend on discord they were mainly focusing on the gay scrunkles

no literally they just went. "*le gasp* GAYS AWWWW GAYS I LOVE GAYS <3333 THEY'RE SUPER SILLY I LOVE THEM :DDD" dude i also made an entire cult of three people to feed vegetables to one person with purple hair and a soda candy addiction so. please focus on that too

[fountainpenguin]

FOP Fic News

Overview

I’ve always had table of contents docs for projects like Origin and Knots, and since I’m returning from hiatus, I recently moved them to a spreadsheet and mapped out what dates I should plan to upload chapters on and how long it will take me to finish these stories. I went through lots of docs with a critical eye and combined or cut chapters to get a better idea of how things are looking.

Posting at my current schedule of one chapter every other week, it looks like  Origin and Knots will come to an end in 2025 (if I stay on top of my buffer) and although that feels so far away, there’s a certain relief in it since my combining and cutting helped me bring that down from 2026.

That schedule doesn’t leave wiggle room for other projects like Come What May, the 130 Prompts, and work for my other fandoms that I’ve been drafting over the years. I don’t really like the idea that if I wrap up Origin and Knots in 2.5 years, I’ll still have another several years of Prompts left to go. I always knew these were big projects and working on them made the long years of school more fun, but it’s always been my intention to finish them, and I’d rather do that sooner than later. After all, I’m still sitting on pieces I wrote in 2016 about Cavatina, and 2026 isn’t as far away as it seems... The idea that the 10-year anniversary of his arc might hit before I actually post it leaves me shook, my dude.

I’ve given it some thought and realized that if I post 130 Prompts on the weeks between Origin and Knots chapters, I can wrap the series up in 2026, maybe 2027. I can live with that a lot more than I can live with the idea of working on this project past 2030, ha ha.

In other words, I’m setting a goal of a ‘fic update every Friday, starting soon (I’ve got the next Prompt done, but I’m sitting on it for a sec to build the buffer out farther). There might be some Fridays where there’s nothing, but keep your eyes out for things that interest you. I hope you enjoy :)

--

130 Prompt Details

So, many of you are probably familiar with my FOP one-shot series, 130 Reasons Why I’m Fairy Trash. I've had all the 130 Prompts planned out for years, but I lost interest in some of those plans as time went on (Not the big plot stuff, that's still the same, but some minor standalones).

I recently went through my docs to refresh my memory on what’s to come. I had some vague ideas that I never fleshed out and realized that I never will, so I’ve scrapped those. I also had stuff I scrapped years ago, but fell in love with the drafts all over again and am eager to see them finished off.

In 2022, I took an FOP and Tumblr hiatus to focus on other things like my IRL job and personal projects, and I couldn’t maintain the spark of inspiration for FOP at the same time. Mostly, the reason for that was just that I was busy and was putting my time and creative energy into other projects, and I simply didn’t have time for both. I didn’t realize until now, but I think I also felt pressure to create something big and meaningful with what I submitted, and I became paralyzed with thoughts of putting out something “boring” or “weird” and facing critique that my work was confusing or unenjoyable.

Anyway, while recently looking through my WIPs, I remembered the 130 Prompts were always meant to be a series of short side stories and that there’s nothing wrong with dorky little one-offs. I don’t need to put pressure on myself to turn everything into a polished 10k+ story when just a few thousand words will do, or overthink the humor and flow to the point I talk myself out of doing something.

I spent some time a bit ago looking over my stuff and making a new plan for the order I want to post things in, and it feels much more achievable to me now. I’m excited to get back to it. Hoping to post some dumb and silly things more often because “I had an idea and it made me laugh” is valid.

--

Stuff Getting Scrapped / Kept

I’ve realized that I’m not going to write Identity Theft and Acacia Arcadia as standalone ‘fics. I scrapped some scenes and the rest will be recycled into 130 Prompts to replace the ones I cut. I’ve set my plan up so that the next Prompts in line are ones that have solid drafts and I’m excited to work on, so I’m hoping to get on a regular posting schedule with those soon, alternating weeks with Origin and Knots.

Hawthorn Haven and Devil’s Backbone will prrrobably still exist as their own ‘fics someday when the time is right, as when I first made their outlines, I was already prepared to work on them “when I’m older.” I don’t feel the same pressure to finish them. I’m still looking forward to them, but they’re in “Can’t talk about these things until we’re in that point of the timeline” jail. I’ve always intended for Devil’s Backbone to be the end of my FOP writing days, so it’s on the backburner for obvious reasons, but when the time does come to close out all the stories and wonderful worldbuilding, I hope it’ll be a blast.

I do still have a draft for a ‘fic called Along the Cherry Lane which focuses on Timmy and his friends growing up, marrying, having kids, etc. but that’s on the backburner for now too. I’m not sure if I want to keep it, but also not ready to let it go. If I do let it go, I’ll find a place for the scenes I liked within the Prompts or I’ll post one or two one-shots instead of the whole ‘fic. I do intend to get back to Come What May once I get the spark back for it and I might even return to Snips and Snails... who knows.

--

Tl;dr

I still have several years of FOP content that I plan to release, as I’ve never wanted to abandon these stories I love. I knew I was starting big projects and I knew they would take me years to finish, but as my 10-year anniversary of writing FOP ‘fics creeps nearer and nearer... Yeah, there’s a certain part of me that's ready to jump back into a schedule and see if I can wrap up all three of these big projects by the time I hit that mark. Crazy how it’s been so long.

Currently I have an Origin / Knots ‘fic buffer through the end of June. We’re entering the phase of the story where the drafts are pretty solid, which means they hopefully won’t take long to polish. Exciting!

--

The Schedule

Throughout 2023, you can expect Origin and Knots to alternate weeks. These two ‘fics are main priority in my ‘fic-writing life, so they get buffer priority and I intend to keep up with this goal as best I can. If all goes according to plan, we should be wrapping up towards the end of 2025. I hope to see y’all there :)

I’ll be sprinkling in updates to other projects throughout the “off” weeks. Sometimes there might be no update at all, and I’m okay with that because the “off” weeks are simply meant to be “If there is something, it can be shared” weeks. I’m not holding myself to posting at those times in the same way I’m holding myself to keeping Origin and Knots on schedule, but I look forward to getting to share some fun things like 130 Prompts, more Come What May chapters, miscellaneous one-shots, and content for other fandoms.

Even if I stay consistent, I definitely don’t expect to wrap up the 130 Prompts until 2026 or 2027, and that’s okay. These next few years will be busy, but I’m looking forward to forming a healthy work-life balance- there’s a certain value that a scheduled writing system has in helping you look forward to the next creation you get to share... It makes the work week a little bit nicer.

--

Closing

As a reader, your interest in silly fairy fanfics might come and go, but thank you so much to those who’ve loved my work over the years, reblogged posts, left reviews, sent Asks, chatted with me, and so much more.

Also, thank you to those who’ve left me kudos on AO3. I still get emails every time there are kudos, and while I don’t track how many kudos my little stories receive in this old, quiet fandom, it is really cool to see how much love has been given to some of the short pieces I wrote 6 or 7 years ago.

As the years have gone by, it’s been a good reminder that people have really liked some of those pieces that I don’t think about as often as my longer stuff. I don’t need to psych myself out worrying that my quick one-shots aren’t good enough... I’m looking forward to posting some short things again soon.

Thank you for the love and support! I hope you enjoy what’s next <3

[solllaris]

boys like you — bobby mckenzie. 

summary: despite only knowing him for a week, it never entered fallon’s mind that bobby might not be as genuine of a guy as she thinks he is. but that’s before the mean tweets challenge and now her mind is completely consumed with thoughts of him being a player. 

pairing: bobby/mc, mentions of bobby/lottie

word count: 2424

note: i cannot even tell you how long this has been sitting in my drafts just collecting dust. but!! the release of s3 really gave me the inspiration to finally finish it and after some editing i’m pretty proud of it! pleeease go easy on me b/c it is my first bobby fic so if he’s ooc please tell me and i’ll work on it. anyway i hope you guys like it!! :)

The strings of words on the page before her blurred together as her mind continued to drift. She was stuck in a never ending cycle of rereading the same lines over and over again, her brain never quite able to comprehend their meaning. The unwarranted, dangerous thoughts seared through her as her eyes, once again, shifted to the gentle lapping of the clear pool water against the coping. On any other Spanish night the sound of tranquil water would’ve soothed her to no end but the claws of self doubt and anxiety had sunken into her too deeply and there was no way for her to return. She was at their mercy and she despised it.

A loud resigned sigh huffed between the redhead’s lips, her berry colored lipstick having faded from the nights earlier festivities. She tipped her head back until it rested on the lounge chair she sat upon as she attempted to relax and loosen her tight muscles. The days busy events of the ‘mean tweets challenge’ and two boys — Rocco and Lucas — being dumped from the island had successfully wound her up until her nerves were shot. Yes, she was admittedly a bit sad to see the latter leave the Villa so soon but she was not as concerned about that as she was the challenge.

Her belly fluttered and twisted painfully as the tweet plastered onto the board flashed behind her eyelids. The words “player” and “Bobby” were never ones she’d even considered putting together before that challenge; but suddenly the ginger couldn’t drive them from the forefront of her mind and the seed of doubt in her body couldn’t be unplanted. It had sprouted its roots into her gut and raised tiny red flags where they hadn’t been previously.

Before, the teasing and little touches with Lottie had been easily brushed aside, reassuring herself that they were only friends; Bobby was a very friendly and affectionate guy to begin with, so it came as no surprise he was the same with his mates. However, as the redhead watched the way his muscular arms wrapped up her friend, peppering kisses to the top of her head to comfort her as Rocco left the Villa behind, she couldn’t stop herself from wondering. Was it all platonic? Did he really need to kiss into her hair? Did that simple act of affection mean anything? The questions were never ending, bouncing and ricocheting off either side of her skull until a dull ache began to split across her forehead.

Just when she’d snapped her book shut, the pages thumping together harshly as she swung her legs off the side of the chair, a tanned and defined chest came into view. He was still dressed in one of those wacky printed button-downs that only he could pull off. Only four buttons were done up, the remaining ones popped open and left his delectable pectorals on display for everyone to admire. His freckled cheeks were tinged pink from probably one too many drinks and she kind of hated how good he looked; it made it all the more difficult to be a bit distant and leery of him — especially with the way he gazed down at her, hazel irises holding all the affection and tenderness in the world.

With downcast eyes, she watched his feet move until he settled onto the lounge chair beside hers. He leaned forward, his elbows resting on his widely spread knees and he was close enough to reach out and touch. The twitch of his clasped fingers suggested that the same thought had flitted through his mind, so she was a bit disappointed when he didn’t move towards her.

“Hey,” Bobby murmured in his sweet Scottish twang that the redhead absolutely adored. “Fallon, are you feelin’ okay?”

Fiddling with the paper cover on the hardback book in her lap, Fallon hesitantly glanced upwards to look him in the face. God, he looked so, so pretty in his outlandish shirt that hugged his biceps perfectly — like the seams around the arms would burst and unravel. His short dreads were a little disheveled from who knows what and although all of his physical attributes were beautiful, Fallon was always utterly enamored by his eyes. They spoke the words he couldn’t illiterate, the vulnerability that he found it difficult to express oftentimes. As he looked at her by the pool that night, the twinge in her chest worsened because how could he be a player and look at her like that?

“I’m fine, love, I promise,” Fallon reassured and forced a smile that she hoped solidified the white lie she’d told.

Bobby cocked his head a bit to his right and studied her, his gaze flickered over the entire expanse of her face. She knew he could see straight through her; he always could. “Are you sure?” A mischievous, teasing smile stretched across his face. “Usually I can’t keep you off me, lass. Practically jumping my bones all t—“

Fallon’s foot knocked against his leg, shoving him back lightly as she laughed for the first time in a while. “That is so not true,” She giggled.

He beamed at the sound of her musical laughter, his lone dimple cratering itself deeply in the surface of his flushed cheek. He quirked a brow and his innocent grin morphed into a lopsided smirk, “S’not what it looked like this morning in the sh—“

“I will shove you in the pool, Bobby, I swear.”

Chortling, he caught her hand that had shot out to strike his shoulder and ran his thumb along her skin delicately. The playful pool-side atmosphere slowly filtered itself out as the couple fell into a few beats of silence and his smirk faded into something softer, something that Fallon quickly picked up as concernment. The gentle but firm squeeze he gave her significantly smaller hand had her heart thrumming a bit more heavily against her rib cage and she knew the conversation she had been dreading was looming over them. Truthfully, she had hoped their short moment of joking with one another had successfully diverted the focus off of the distance she’d put between them the entire day, but she should’ve known better; he was a person of validation, craving it to ease the insecurities in his mind from past relationships, so of course he’d picked up on her guarded behavior and wanted to fix it.

Dipping his head low, Bobby pressed the softest of kisses to each of her knuckles and she couldn’t help but watch in awe of the man across from her. His lips lingered against her last knuckle for a few seconds longer than the rest and with a cute nuzzle of his nose to the back of her hand, he rose back up to look at her properly. Vulnerability was written all over his normally smiling face, brows drawn together to form a tiny crease between them, and Fallon despised the fact that she was the cause of his worry.

“What did I do, lass?” He asked quietly, barely to even be heard over the lapping pool water.

The clear-cut sadness in his voice sent a ripple of a throbbing ache through Fallon’s chest. She suddenly felt really silly for worrying about that stupid tweet because how much could an absolute stranger know about someone they’d never met anyway? It was complete stupidity on her part for believing a random person on the internet over the man she was undoubtedly falling for after only eight days.

Fallon set her book aside and dropped Bobby’s hand just long enough to move to the lounge chair opposite her, sitting so close to him that every inch from their knees to their hips touched. She pressed her cheek against his left shoulder as their hands found each other’s again, digits slotting together like they were drawn back by an invisible force.

“It’s dumb, really,” She admitted shyly, a tinge of shame coating each word. “I feel stupid for worrying about it.”

“M’sure it’s not dumb.” He shifted his body to face her a bit more, his free hand cupping her jaw reassuringly. “I never want you to feel like you can’t talk to me about how you feel.”

She tilted her head to the side and pushed her lips to the warm skin on the inside of his wrist where his hand held her cheek. “I know,” She hummed softly. “I just… I dunno why I didn’t pull you aside to chat about it. I guess I just needed some time to clear my head. Figure out what I wanted to say and how to say it.”

Bobby’s heart plunged dangerously low. The cogs in his head whirred startlingly fast as he immediately assumed the worst. He wore his fear and insecurity plainly on his freckled face and Fallon instantly squeezed his hand, beginning to backtrack before the poor Scottish boy had a heart attack.

“Hey,” She whispered as his hand dropped from her cheek. “I’m sure it’s nothing, okay? It’s just about that stupid challenge…”

Her soft, musical voice trailed off and loud bursts of laughter from somewhere in the Villa carried across the lawn to fill the deafening silence. The ginger haired girl studied the side of Bobby’s face and watched as his slender fingers slid over his plump bottom lip. His dark brows scrunched together in contemplation, recalling the mean tweets they’d read earlier in the day before realization dawned on his face. When he turned his face to look at her again, there was a subtle glint of disbelief twinkling in his amber colored eyes.

“Ah. The infamous player tweet, huh?” His bare knee knocked against hers and a small amused grin ghosted across his mouth in spite of himself. “You know me. Player is my middle name.”

Fallon’s stomach twisted and she was sure her expression mirrored the irritation she felt. Moving her leg away from where it was pressed against his, she pulled her body up off the lounge chair with a frustrated sigh but she didn’t make it very far. She’d taken maybe half a step towards the villa when his warm fingers latched onto hers, gently tugging her back.

In his haste to get her to stay, Bobby had quickly stood up to catch her. The hand that wasn’t softly stroking over her knuckles came up to rest on her jaw, tilting her head up slightly to meet his gaze. Fallon felt a tug at her heart when she saw how alarmed and afraid he looked, a vulnerability that she caught quick glimpses of in only the mere week they’d known each other. It made her physically ache to consider the woman before her and what she had said or done to make him feel so afraid to lose what they’d built together.

Her resolve softened and her very short-lived irritation melted away; she could never stay upset with Bobby for long. It was like attempting to be mad at a puppy—a physically impossible feat.

“That is why I’m upset about it,” Fallon said quietly, making a conscious effort to keep her voice calm and level. “You keep cracking jokes about it but it’s not funny to me.”

His pretty, freckled face pinched in shame at the prospect of his thoughtless actions hurting her the entire day. “M’ sorry, lass,” He murmured. “It's just the idea of me being a player is so off-base that I thought it was funny. I forget sometimes we’ve only known each other for a week and you wouldn’t really know that about me.”

The redhead’s stare fell to the exposed skin of his chest where the top buttons were popped undone. She found herself instinctively tracing the clusters of freckles scattered along his sternum, collarbones, and pectorals—as if it were second nature and she’d been doing it her whole life; maybe she had been in another life and the familiarity of it bled into the one she was living.

When Fallon spoke again, she noted how her voice sounded tired. “You should’ve just told me that instead of laughing about it.” And then even weaker— “I was starting to believe that maybe you were just playing the game after all.”

Bobby’s thumb stroked along the curve of her cheekbone attentively. “Hey,” He hummed and the tenderness in the way his Scottish twang caressed that one word was enough to draw tears to her waterline. “Hey, baby, look at me.”

Embarrassment crept onto her cheeks and she felt her sun kissed skin burn against the palm of his hand but she obliged and the second her watery blue eyes peered up at him, all rounded out and doe-like, he felt like he’d been kicked in the gut. His brows scrunched together and his heart tugged. Seeing her cry because of him was absolute torture.

“I’d be the dumbest bloke around if I screwed us up.” The tip of his thumb caught the one stray tear that slipped over the rim of her lower lash line and he dipped lower to kiss it away. “I decree that you let me see that pretty smile of yours right now.”

The tiniest of smiles quirked up the corner of Fallon’s lips at his silly decree and Bobby frowned, clearly unsatisfied.

His expression softened into a loose smirk that reeked of mischief and the glint in his pretty eyes had her stomach flipping in anticipation. “Shame. I guess this calls for more extreme measures.”

With a brow arched in confusion, she started to curiously ask what these extreme measures were but the question died in her throat when he stooped to press his forehead against hers. The pace of her heart picked up in her chest and she was pretty certain she was holding her breath until the tip of his nose bumped hers. Fallon’s  breathy, blissful laugh filled the silence between them and his grin only grew wider as nuzzled her nose with his, back and forth a few times like an Eskimo kiss.

For a few content moments, her eyes fell shut and the worry weighing her down lifted. Bobby’s gentle Scottish lilt whispering a cheeky ‘boop’ had her lashes fluttering and she was met with one of his radiant smiles. There was no doubt in her mind that his smiles could rival those of the sun.

A boy like him with sunshine for smiles could never be a player.  He was sunshine embodied and he was the sweetest, most beautiful boy she’d ever known.

[handsoffmyfriends]

NOT HAPPY TOGETHER - PROLOGUE

—

PAIRINGS: ex!Kuroo Tetsurou x gn!Reader, platonic!Akaashi Keiji x gn!Reader, ex!Sekimukai Kouji x gn!Reader, pining!Akaashi x Bokuto Koutarou, pining!Sekimukai Kouji x Izumi Yukitaka, Kozume Kenma x Hinata Shouyou

WORD COUNT: 7,065

WARNINGS: dumb choices, drinking, sex mention, kissing your best friend lmao, unhealthy coping mechanisms, pining, so much pining its a pine forest, lovesick fools, angst, really really self indulgent like look at the ships lmao

A/N: so this thing became an entire au that has evicted the actual paying tenants in my head to squat rent free lmao just a bunch of maybe chronological events beginning with The Breakup and leading up to Getting Back Together

i totally lost steam at the end rip but i need this out of my drafts since scrolling 34 years to find my smau drafts is killer

tags: @samanthaa-leanne @finnydraws @peteunderoos @lowermoons @deestielluv @angyboibakugo @carmomo18 @kuroirl​

Part One

The day started with melancholy. The weather seemed to disagree, not a cloud in the sky as the morning sun filtered into your room through poorly drawn curtains, the warm rays scattering along your faces. 

It was your last day together before you moved to the other side of the country for college for the next four years. Hokkaido had offered you exactly what you wanted to pursue, you just had to sacrifice your life in Tokyo to take it. Kuroo had been overwhelmingly supportive when you received your acceptance letter, rambling on and on about how Kenma would make sure he had a decent computer setup so you could video call every day, how the physical distance wouldn't matter in the long run.

You didn't tell him how much it meant to you that he would go to all those lengths to be with you. You didn't tell him how you couldn't ask that of him, how unfair it would be of you to tether him to you like that. You knew he deserved better than that, better than text messages and video calls. He deserved to be with someone that could be physically by his side, and that someone just wasn't you anymore.

You woke up somber, despite the warm, comforting arms wrapped around you like a cage. You allowed yourself several minutes to relish in his warmth, to commit to memory how perfect it felt to be by his side, since you knew you would never have this again.

Usually, you were both slow to wake, indulging in early morning cuddles and kisses, but today you couldn't bring yourself to bask in the little world of happiness the two of you had cultivated over the three years of your relationship. You were going to tear it all apart, but you knew it was for the better. There was no happiness in a relationship that would be held together by loneliness and longing, of staring at phones and wondering when the next text would come, when the next call would come. It would be torture and no matter how much you loved him, you couldn't bring yourself to demand that of him.

So, you didn't roll over and kiss him awake like you usually would. You don't stare at his sleeping face for minutes on end, marvelling at how peaceful he looks in slumber. You already knew every facet of his face, every emotion he was capable of expressing, so you don't need to commit anything to memory. 

You pull yourself from his grip, despite him trying to tighten his hold on you as he came to consciousness. Even in sleep, if you tried to wiggle away, he would pull you closer instinctually. He looked up at you bleary eyed, a little confused, but happy to see you nonetheless, a sleepy smile gracing his features. The pure adoration he held for you sent your heart plummeting.

You gave him a tight smile back before leaving the comfort of the bed, the beginning of a bigger departure. You left him to doze off as you mulled around the bedroom, picking out some clothes and heading to the bathroom without a second glance. If you had looked at him again, you would have noticed him watching you with furrowed brows. 

He knew you were worried about moving to Hokkaido, he was feeling down about, too. Today was your last day together in person, but he meant every word when he said he would be on top of calling you. Part of him knew your behaviour wasn't off because of the move, he knew you were keeping something from him, but he wasn't about to pry. He knew, deep down, that something was wrong, but he ignored that niggle of anxiety, just like he ignored the space that had suddenly grown between you.

--

It continued in the little actions throughout the day. You could barely look him in the eyes, could barely respond to his numerous assurances that he would call you, that it wouldn't be different, not really. You tried to wear a polite smile and nod, but it felt worn, like a terrible disguise and you knew he could see through it. It caused him to lay it on thicker, that by being overconfident and overbearing in his determination to make things work, it would smother the uncomfortable atmosphere that you had created.

"It's going to be fine," he repeats for the hundredth time, rubbing your shoulders soothingly. "I know you're nervous about the move. Hell, I would be, too!" 

You hum, an acknowledgement that he's spoken but nothing more to contribute to the conversation. You're sitting in the living room, your bags packed and ready to go. You get the notification that your ride is here, that will take you to the airport and send you to the faraway island.

"You can call me when you're settled," he continues. "Or when you land. Whenever you want, kitten. I'll always answer." 

It's almost sad, how desperate he is to convince you it will be okay. You have no doubt in your mind that he would hold true to his word, that things might even work out in the end, but you also know that would demand crippling loneliness. It would demand that each of you be on each other's beck and call, that when that phone rings or a text comes through, you're expecting to answer or reply. It demands that you're both hanging on the edge of your seat, waiting desperately for that phone call, that text message.

"Kitten?"

You hum again, looking up at him in inquiry. It's a mistake, he's looking down at you with all the love in the world. It wavers your determination, makes you falter in your resolve. You want to reciprocate that love so much, with every fibre of your being, and you do, you really do, which is why the next words out of your mouth are, "let's break up." 

The next few moments go by in a blur. You barely register what he's saying, if he's saying anything at all, or what you're saying in return, if anything at all. You know deep down, this needs to be done, neither of you can live happily hanging onto that next text message, that next phone call. He deserves better than that, and so do you.

You gather up your bags in a daze as Kuroo is speaking fervently, questions and compromises falling on your deaf ears. You give him half hearted responses, barely formed excuses that you both know are bullshit. You don't look at him the entire time, knowing if you gave in and looked at the pain you had inflicted, you would cave and take it all back.

You leave without another word. Kuroo is torn between chasing after you and demanding a proper reason, but he knows it would be to no avail. He lets you go, knowing he has no chance to get anything out of you today. He tries to convince himself it's because you're leaving, that your nerves are wound up, that you're stressed and anxious about the move and about the new school, that you aren't thinking properly. That in a few days, you'll realise how silly you're being and you'll take it back.

He lets you go because he's confident he can change your mind. 

--

He's calling you the next day. 

It startles you out of your light slumber. You'd been going non-stop ever since you left, arranging your new room, organising your college schedule, finding the closest shops and most effective public transport, being thrown way out of your depth at the sudden independence that this new life demanded of you. Thankfully, you had a week to get used to it before college started handing your ass back to you on a silver platter.

You scramble to see the caller ID and your blood runs cold when you see. Everything in you is telling you to answer, to apologise for your actions and to take it all back, to even beg his forgiveness, but you just stare at the phone as the call goes to voicemail. You breathe a sigh of relief, though it's short lived when you get the text that you have a new voicemail. 

And then he's calling again. 

It goes like this for a solid fifteen minutes. Call after call, your heart desperately wanting to answer him, but your mind knowing you shouldn't. You've repeated it to yourself a thousand times already, that it's better off this way, that you both wouldn't be happy.

You're starting to hate yourself for being so stubborn.

--

The next day you're introduced to your roommate. Which, to your surprise, is someone you recognise. You hadn't expected to know anyone here, and if you're being honest with yourself, you don't really know Akaashi Keiji all that well. To you, he was just the friend of your boyfriend's best friend, who went to a completely different school. 

Well, ex-boyfriend. 

Akaashi seems to be surprised to see you as well. He introduced himself politely, finishing with, "you're... Kuroo's parter, right?" 

It stabs you in a way you didn't think possible. You can feel your heart skip a beat before it picks up in double time, loud in your ears as Akaashi regards you with polite interest. You clear your throat, avoiding his gaze as you say, "ah, n-not anymore." 

You find that Akaashi isn't a very expressive person. If he's shocked at the revelation, he doesn't show it. "Oh, my apologies." He doesn't pry any further, his voice devoid of any genuine feelings towards the matter. You don't know if you should be annoyed or relieved that he doesn't ask you about it. 

It's then that your phone, from the very traitorous place on the kitchen counter, starts to go off. Akaashi glances at it before you're able to clamber over the sofa to the offending device, Kuroo's face and ID lighting up the screen in an entirely offensive display to your pride. 

You hastily hit the reject button rather than letting it ring out, which earns you a raised eyebrow from your roommate. You can see the gears working in his brain as he pieces together the facts, though you're not given a chance to recover as your phone is going off again.

Apologies spill out of your mouth as you escape the communal area, shutting yourself in your room and away from Akaashi's judgement. You clutch at your phone like a lifeline, the feelings of remorse and desperation taking you over as Kuroo tries to call you over and over, the tears falling relentlessly for as long as he tries.

He gives up after ten minutes this time, though he leaves a voicemail for every unanswered call. 

-- 

It's later that evening that you finally emerge from your room. Kuroo didn't try to call again, but he's been texting you non-stop all day. You've been reading them, how could you not, your heart breaking all over as you read the begging. It would almost be pathetic, how desperate he is for your attention, if you didn't reciprocate. You ask yourself for the hundredth time if this is the right course of action. 

Akaashi, to your surprise, has made dinner for the both of you. He's still in the middle of serving the meal, his eyes flickering up as you enter the room. 

"Are you okay?"

The question throws you off guard. You sputter, "I— what?" like a moron, feeling entirely off balance. You'd expected a lot of things to come from Akaashi, mostly negative, but not concern for your wellbeing. 

"I asked if you are okay," he repeats, setting two bowls of food onto the low table by the couch. The apartment made use of the minimal space, meaning it was an open living layout with no dining area. 

You gaped at him like a fish, unsure of what to say. He's patient with you, taking a seat and waiting for you to catch up to the present moment. You eventually do, wordlessly taking the floor across from him, staring at the meal like it held all the answers to the universe. 

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," he continues. "I don't mean to be presumptuous, but I find myself in a similar sort of situation." 

You glance up at him like a rabbit staring down the jaws of a fox. He's regarding you with a carefully neutral expression, his hands busy with his bowl and chopsticks. You open your mouth to speak, but it's dry, and your voice comes out a lot raspier than usual. "What do you mean?" 

"A long distance relationship," he says simply. "Bokuto suggested it, but I talked him out of it. We came to the agreement that we could try again once I graduate college, since he's going professional." He arches a delicate brow when he looks back up at you as he says, "I assume you had a similar conversation with Kuroo?"

You feel the knot in your belly tighten. You swallow thickly, willing yourself not to cry. "Not really," you admit, voice laced with emotion. "We didn't... discuss anything."

He studies you in a relaxed way as he eats, prompting you to start on your own meal. You thank him quietly for the meal despite not feeling hungry at all. You eat it all the same.

--

Akaashi is remarkably understanding about your decision. The only thing he doesn't agree with is you shouldering the decision, but he knows Kuroo well enough to know that there would have been no convincing him otherwise. 

Kuroo continues to try to call you daily. Usually, its towards the evening, when you and Akaashi are either eating or watching TV to wind down for the day. You ignore it every time, Akaashi growing increasingly more worried about you as the weeks go by. 

The two of you talk about your not-boyfriends a lot. The difference being that Akaashi maintains a friendly relationship with Bokuto, the two texting on the daily and video calling every other day. You had been present for one of the video calls, milling around in the kitchen behind Akaashi. Bokuto had greeted you politely enough, but you could tell he was angry with you. You didn't blame him, he was Kuroo's best friend after all, and you were surprised to find him tolerating you at all. Akaashi must have explained things to him, because the next time you accidentally crashed their video call, Bokuto had been much more pleased to see you.

Kuroo's unanswered messages to you deviate from their begging to be more casual, recounting his day in a one sided conversation. Somehow, it makes it all the harder to continue reading them, but you don't have the heart to block his number and you feel like you at least owe it to him to keep reading them. You don't touch the voicemails, knowing that if you heard his voice, your resolve would crumble.

It comes to a head one day, six months later, when you're lying in bed, unable to sleep, when he's texting you again. The frequency has died down considerably, the daily texts and calls turning into weekly ones. You watch with tears in your eyes as he recounts his day yet again, how much college is kicking his ass and how much of a recluse Kenma is when given the choice. He mentions how he's been spending time with Bokuto, suggests that the four of you should all have a video call and how is Akaashi going by the way?

He calls you after he's finished, and you nearly answer. Your finger hovers over the green spot, and you're ready to give up, this clearly isn't working, but for the first time he doesn't call until it rings out to voicemail. It leaves you feeling hollow. You had finally come to terms that you weren't going to hold out, that you were going to answer him and beg for his forgiveness.

He sends you one more text that sends you over the edge. You only read the first line of the preview, "I'll always love you, kitten," before you're opening up your messages with Kenma, begging him to talk to Kuroo and ask him to stop contacting you. You couldn't do this anymore.

And just like that, Kuroo goes silent. You feel your heart shatter at the realisation that you finally got what you wanted, that Kuroo would finally stop contacting you. You aren't sure when Akaashi made his way into your room, but you're bawling into his shoulder as he holds you close, rubbing soothing circles into your back as your heart is finally able to fully break.

-- 

Things get better. You're able to focus more on your college work and your friendship with Akaashi becomes more than a pair of lovesick fools. It becomes genuine, and strangely domestic. Akaashi's a lot better at cooking than you are, so in turn you handle the cleaning. Usually, you'll watch him cook and narrate the process like you're on a cooking show, and you'll rate the dish and give a critical analysis that's full of bullshit words and terms you don't fully understand. Sometimes, you'll even get into the kitchen and have Akaashi instruct you on what to do. He almost always takes over.

You both prefer to study in the communal area, quietly enjoying each other's company, and you regularly watch TV together. You don't necessarily talk a lot during these times, but you both relish the companionship and how comfortable it feels to be around each other.

You take each other out on platonic dates on the regular, too. Usually just to the coffee shop on campus when you're both run down from a lecture, swapping who pays for whom every time. Sometimes, it's a little more elaborate, a casual night out at the local izakaya. 

Friendship with Akaashi comes as easy as breathing and he quickly becomes your closest friend. You confide in him as much as he confides in you, though the topic of conversation deviates from your mutual pining to more substantial things. You find that your original assumption of Akaashi not being very expressive was entirely false. He's just extremely guarded, but he feels at ease around you, almost as much as he feels around Bokuto, so you get to see his rare smiles and listen to his laughter.

There's a day where you're both exhausted from the week, feeling especially touch-starved, when you cross the line. Akaashi is the one to suggest it, his reasoning very sound. You're both craving physical contact, you're both helplessly in love with someone you can't be with right now, so why not give it a try? 

"You can pretend I'm him," he says in a low voice as he moves into your space. It sounds so unhealthy, but he would be doing the same with you, so it would be okay, right?

You find out very quickly that your relationship with Akaashi could never be anything but platonic. When he kisses you, and you kiss him back, you both recoil with an almost repulsed expression mirroring back to each other. You're the first to laugh, the small giggle escaping your lips with Akaashi hovering over you on the couch. He sits back and laughs along with you as you trade compliments for your kissing style, but come to an agreement that it felt wrong.

You never speak of it again.

After that, you're somehow even more comfortable with each other. You start calling each other by first name. You often gravitate to his side, whether it be huddled down on the couch, completely invading his personal space, or be it out in public, where he carelessly throws his arm around you.

The two of you could never see each other as anything but platonic friends, but you're still able to satisfy the cravings of the skin, in the form of casual touches and friendly embraces. It becomes the norm for you two to be touching somehow, whether it be hand holding or just standing shoulder to shoulder. It's therapeutic.

Some of your classmates ask if you're dating. You laugh at the questions, there's no way you could date Akaashi. You assure them that you're just best friends. It doesn't seem to convince anyone, but you don't really care. They don't understand and you don't want to make them. It's between you and Akaashi, and probably Bokuto, too.

--

You're at a party, entirely too drunk, when you're being pulled into a bathroom and you're being ravaged by someone you don't know. He's probably a classmate, someone you see every other day, but right now you can't find a name. You find that you don't care, and you lose yourself to his ministrations as he peels back your clothing and presses wet, drunken kisses to your skin.

It's when you muse his black hair into something far too familiar, moaning out a name you thought you'd never say again, that has you scrambling from the sink in a panic. You barely give the man another look before you run, out of the bathroom and out of the building, onto the cold, dark street. You fumble for your phone with ragged breaths, dialing Akaashi.

You're panicking and you're damn near in tears on the phone to him. It takes him no time at all to come to you, you were somewhere on campus, and he's wrapping you up in his scarf and jacket, holding you close as you come down from your hysterics. 

You walk home in silence, your hand firmly clasped in his. He sits you down on the sofa, wrapping you up even more like a burrito, setting a glass of water in front of you as he prepares tea for you both. You're dazed, or you're just still really drunk, because suddenly Akaashi is next to you and pressing the warm mug into your hands. 

"What happened?" 

You shrug helplessly. "I don't know. One minute it was fine, I was about to get the dicking of my life—" You stop yourself, your brain catching up with your words. "No, I wasn't. I was in a fucking bathroom of all places. No, that would have been a shit fuck," you murmur this to yourself, voicing your thoughts. You startle slightly when Akaashi places a hand on your shoulder, bringing you back to the present. "Oh. Um. For a second, all I could think of was Kuroo, so I panicked." 

Akaashi sighed, rubbing your arm comfortingly. "I'm glad you're okay. Next time, let me come with you."

You wiggle your eyebrows stupidly. "Why, you wanna get down and dirty with me?" The question barely makes it out before you're laughing. The idea of sleeping with Akaashi has become laughable. You suddenly grow somber as the thought crosses your mind and you look up to him with the biggest eyes you can manage. "Hey, can I sleep with you tonight?"

He snorts, an affectionate smile dancing on his lips. "You are so horny when you're drunk."

"Not like that!" you exclaim, a little too loud, a little too excited. "Just... you know. Sharing a bed. No funny business." 

He can barely hold back his own laughter, giggling softly at you. "No funny business," he agrees with a giggle, patting the top of your head. "Alright, give me a minute to make my bed." 

-- 

Akaashi is on a video call with Bokuto when he has to excuse himself for the bathroom, leaving Bokuto to spot you in the background and excitedly hollering your name, calling you over.

"We haven't spoken in forever!!" he whines as you take Akaashi's place on the sofa. 

You laugh as you say, "I'm pretty sure we spoke last week, man."

He playfully pouts, but excited all the same. "Yeah, but last week you hadn't kissed Akaashi yet!" You freeze and Bokuto bursts out into mirthful laughter. "Or slept with him!" he adds for good measure, and you feel like your entire existence should just cease to be.

"Well, uh, you see, about that," you try to explain, but you're stumbling over your words and Bokuto is having the time of his life on the other line.

"I'm just teasing," he assures in between bouts of laughter. "He told me all about it, but I've been dying to know your side of the story. C'mon, tell me, is he not the best kisser you've ever kissed?"

You pray for some divine being to smite you on the spot, to spare you the embarrassment of the conversation, but your prayers are not answered and you're forced to go along with Bokuto's asinine line of questioning. "Well, uh, no offense to you or him, but no? Like, objectively he's a great kisser, but like..." you trail off helplessly. "I've kissed better," you end up saying fruitlessly.

Bokuto's eyes shine with glee. "You mean, my best bro, Kuroo? Oh, hey, that rhymes!" 

You chuckle at him, ignoring the little pricks to your heart. "Yeah. He's spoiled me for life, I think," you say, truthfully. Neither that drunken mishap nor Akaashi could compare to how it felt when you kissed Kuroo. But, you very purposefully do not follow that train of thought, and you're blessed with the return of Akaashi. 

He gives you a quirk of the eyebrow as he takes a seat next to you, very much in your personal space, going so far as to rest his head in your lap as he looks up to the screen with pure adoration. "Are you behaving yourself, Bokuto?" 

"Always!" he barks back cheerfully. "Just sharing stories of what it's like to kiss you!" 

Akaashi buries his head in your lap and you feel like a furnace, no doubt your face is as red as the shirt you're wearing. Despite it all, you pat Akaashi's head comfortingly, and Bokuto actually squeals, an impossibly high pitch from the man, as he coos at how adorable you two are. 

"Is your partner as cool as I am with you being this affectionate with Akaashi?" Bokuto blurts. You miss the narrowing of Akaashi's eyes.

"We aren't together, Bokuto," Akaashi murmurs. Bokuto waves him off with a grin.

"I, uh, I'm not seeing anyone," you announce, forcing a laugh. You nudge at Akaashi ever so slightly, smoothly sliding out from under him. "It was nice to talk to you again, Bo, but I've got some shit I need to do. You kids keep it PG13 in the living room, okay?"

You don't see the stern look Akaashi gives Bokuto, nor do you hear the reprimanding when you close yourself in your room. You aren't privy to the conversation that follows, nor Kuroo meekly poking his head into frame. 

"This isn't healthy," Akaashi scolds. "It's been over a year, Kuroo."

"Then tell me with absolute certainty that I don't have a chance," he counters. "Tell me that it's a lost cause." 

Akaashi opens his mouth to say just that, but knows it would be a lie. He frowns as he says, "it still isn't healthy." 

--

College starts back up with little fanfare. You and Akaashi sign on to stay as roommates for the duration of your courses, which was a no brainer. You couldn't imagine not living with Akaashi, and for the time being, you'll let yourself live in the fantasy. You know you'll eventually have to let him go, when you both graduate and he returns to Bokuto, and you're fine with that. You don't know what you're going to do, but you figure that isn't something to worry about for another few years.

Bokuto comes to visit, though it's barely for a weekend. You try to give the two men their privacy, you know that despite not dating that they would want their alone time, but Bokuto is very insistent that you all hang out together.

Once, you would have said you were better friends with Bokuto over Akaashi. How could you not have been, you were dating his best friend and you all got along. Kuroo would often drag you along to their joint volleyball training camps, and he would often want to catch Bokuto outside of school hours. Bokuto was funny, easy to get along with, and charming in his own way. Akaashi would often accompany Bokuto on those outings, but the two of you just never hit it off.

Funny how things work themselves out.

Akaashi's having a shower when you drop next to Bokuto, throwing your legs over his lap and leveling him with a serious look. "I'm going to ask you something and you're not going to read into it or tell anyone about it," you say as you get comofrtable.

He raises an eyebrow impossibly high. "I can promise none of that," he answers truthfully. "I can't keep things from Akaashi."

You muse for a moment. "Okay, Keiji doesn't count." He suppresses a squeal of delight at you using Akaashi's given name. Something about your friendship with Akaashi really tickles Bokuto's inner fangirl. He schools his face into something more serious when you cock your head to the side. "Right. Um. How is... Kuroo?"

His eyebrows shoot even higher, eyes sparkling with intrigue. You're quick to deny any special interest (lie), you fell out of love with him long ago (lie), you're completely over him (lie). You're probably being too insistent on these facts (lies), but if you repeat them enough, they'll eventually become true, right? (Wrong).

"I haven't even said anything yet," Bokuto laughs, silencing you. "He's doing fine. I think he's seeing someone, but he's so tight lipped about it," he says with a frown while the news causes your heart to skip a beat. "He's still living with Kenma. Oh! Kenma and Hinata started dating, did you hear?" he trails off excitedly, and you find it difficult to pay attention.

Was Kuroo really dating someone? You had no right to feel as upset as you did, it is what you wanted to happen, after all. The whole idea was so you could both find happiness in someone a lot closer. Really, you should be happy that he managed to find it, but instead you feel bitter that you haven't been able to. You've been too busy denying your feelings, denying that you're still hung up on him nearly eighteen months later, but even if you decided to accept them, to take it all back, it seems it's too late for that now. You wouldn't deserve it anyway, not after how you callously threw him aside.

Akaashi joins you a little while later, and he knows something's upset you. He slips in easily between you and Bokuto, returning your legs to lay atop both of their laps, and he rests his hands on your thigh in comfort. He doesn't ask what's wrong, but he manages to steer Bokuto's topic completely away from all your old friends, to what the three of you should do tomorrow before Bokuto has to leave.

--

You start dating.

It's a lot harder than you ever thought. You never really dated in the first place, since it was in your first year at Nekoma High that you met Kuroo and very quickly fell into an easy relationship with him for the following three years. You didn't know how to date, and you were too embarrassed to ask Akaashi for advice. Part of you told you that he would be just as clueless.

Most don't go anywhere after the first date. It's surprisingly time consuming and you'd rather spend your free time with Akaashi. Some see a second date, but things just don't feel right and you don't pursue a third date.

You're walking through campus, on a haphazard video call with Hinata. He's not even in the country, he's in Brazil now, learning how to play beach volleyball. You'd always been friendly with the Karasuno middle blocker, but you'd made an effort to keep in contact since you found out he and Kenma were dating. Next to Akaashi, Kenma was your best friend, which meant Hinata was now your best friend, too.

"Sounds like you're having a wild time there," you remark to his latest misadventure. "Keeping it interesting so Kenma will keep sponsoring you?" you add as a tease, giggling with delight when Hinata gets all flustered and embarrassed.

As Hinata tries to save face, you notice a young man looking at you sheepishly, like a child that's lost their parent. He couldn't be older than you, maybe he's younger than you. "Ah, I'll call you back, Sho," you interrupt, quickly ending the call and giving the stranger a kind smile. "Can I help you?"

He looks about as awkward as you feel as he takes the two extra steps to approach you. "This is probably really weird, but were you just on the phone to Hinata Shouyou?"

That's how you met Sekimukai Kouji, who just so happened to be Hinata's old friend from elementary school. Your world in Hokkaido didn't seem nearly as detached as it once used to, and you struck up an easy friendship with Kouji.

It didn't take long for the two of you to start dating. It felt freeing, for a little while. You felt happy, or at least you had tricked yourself into feeling happy. As the months ticked by, guilt began to gnaw at you. Were you actually happy or were you just using Kouji as a stand in for Kuroo? Should you even get to feel happy after how you broke Kuroo's heart?

It came to a head one day, several months after that fateful encounter, when you were getting hot and heavy with Kouji. You'd invited him over, it wasn't the first time he'd been over, with the intention to study until your brains were mush. Studious as you were, study took a backseat after an hour, when the numbers and letters started to swirl around your head and make even less sense than usual, when Kouji's hands found your thighs and your attention was very much no longer on the nonsense alphanumerics.

His hands gripping at your sides, pressing hot kisses into your neck, your hands in his hair, tugging fervently, when you both moaned different names. Neither name belonged to the present company.

You might have been more upset with yourself for allowing it to happen again, if Kouji hadn't done the exact same to you. You both break away with mortified expressions, apologies ready to spill from your lips, when you both register that you both fucked up. A tense second passes before your chuckle breaks the silence, and the tension with it, and you're both laughing at how ridiculous you both are.

Kouji opens up and explains how he's in love with his best friend from elementary school, has been for countless years now, how he's never had the courage to admit anything, too terrified to lose their friendship, and how he hoped you would have been able to distract him, for lack of a better word.

It's almost funny, if it weren't so damn sad. You were both using each other as a stand in. You recall Akaashi offering the exact same scenario to you almost two years ago and how ridiculous it had seemed at the time.

You explain yourself in turn, and you're both laughing with tears at how pathetic you both are. You encourage Kouji to shoot his shot, that having been friends with Izumi for so long means a confession couldn't possibly ruin anything. Kouji suggests you at least try and talk to Kuroo again, though he understands that your side is a lot more convoluted than his.

You break up that day, but you maintain a solid friendship with him, to the point that you still call each other by first name. You're the first person he calls after he confesses to Izumi, telling you with tears in his voice that he lasted a whole week being single. You congratulate him, just as teary eyed, so overwhelming happy for him, and insist on meeting his new boyfriend.

It's a bittersweet moment when you do finally meet Izumi, several weeks later. You're genuinely happy that it worked out, that Kouji is the happiest you've ever seen him in the short time that you've known him, but you can't help but feel a little bitter regarding your own feelings, on top of feeling like you don't deserve to feel badly about it, since it's all your doing.

You still spend time with Kouji, though the majority of your spare time is dedicated to Akaashi. When you're out on campus, Kouji will join you in a video call to Hinata. He doesn't visit you in your apartment anymore, which is just as well, since you've decided that your home is for you and Akaashi only (and Bokuto on his rare visits).

--

Your last year of college goes by uneventfully. In the final week leading up to your graduation, and your eventual eviction from the college housing with Akaashi, you're reminded that you need to find new housing in Tokyo. Hokkaido was only ever temporary, you loved the lifestyle of Tokyo, you loved the people in Tokyo.

Akaashi already has you covered. He doesn't take no for an answer when he tells you of the apartment he's secured, that the two of you aren't parting ways just yet, that Bokuto is still abroad and besides, you're just as important to him as Bokuto is. It makes your heart feel as light as a feather, makes you even more excited to graduate.

The new apartment is a lot more spacious than what you've been living in for the past four years. You decorate it together, going to the store together to find more space fillers, more indoor plants, to make the space something that's entirely you and Akaashi. Despite how perfect the place ends up becoming, how truly at home you feel in your new home, uncertainty gnaws at you. This isn't really your place, not really, not when Bokuto returns.

"Hey, Keiji," you lean over the island bench as Akaashi prepares a simple recipe for dinner. Bokuto is visiting this coming weekend, and you need to air your concerns before then. "What happens to me when Bokuto moves in?"

Akaashi regards you with a slight frown, as if he doesn't understand why you're asking, as if the answer is obvious. "Nothing," he says with a tone of obviousness that matches his expression. "This is your home, too."

You hum in thought, feeling your heart soar. "Yeah, but... won't it be weird for you? Having me around when you start getting serious with Bo?"

He stops what he's doing so he can give you his undivided attention. "My getting serious with Bokuto doesn't mean you have to leave. We've been living together for so long now, I think it would be weirder if we weren't." He places his hands over yours, giving them a gentle squeeze. "If you do want to move out when that happens, it'll be on your terms. I'm not going to force you out, and neither is Bokuto."

You blink back tears that you didn't know were welling up. You clear your throat and pull your hands back, feeling way too loved. You aren't sure what to say to such brutal honesty, even though you're used to his brand of honesty by now. Despite not replying, he seems satisfied enough with your reaction to continue with dinner, glancing at you occasionally with a soft smile. You can't help but reciprocate.

--

Bokuto moves in six months later, when he's finally released from volleyball hell. You find it isn't as uncomfortable as you first feared, and you continue to live with the happy couple for a following six months before you decide to move out. It pains you to do so, to leave your best friend of five years, but you aren't really leaving, not when you're moving a few blocks away. Akaashi insists that you visit frequently, which you do, and for the most part it's like you never even left.

But, now you have somewhere to go when Bokuto wants to have his friends over. More to the point, when Bokuto wants to have Kuroo over.

Bokuto never said anything about it, never asked if you would be okay with having Kuroo visit for the day, never even suggested it. He would only ever invite Kuroo over if he knew you weren't going to be home, and he would always make sure Kuroo was gone by the time you were due to return. He probably would have kept that up for years, but when you caught wind of what he was doing via Akaashi, you felt terrible. The apartment had become just as much Bokuto's home as it was yours, but you were making Bokuto have to treat his best friend like some kind of sinful secret.

Living alone wasn't bad. It took some time getting used to, and you very quickly had to learn how to cook on your own. You often phoned Akaashi during meal times, asking him how to do this or that, and sometimes he would just come over to help you. It was a good excuse for the both of you, as he missed you as much as you missed him.

--

As the fifth year ticked over and Bokuto's birthday inched ever closer, you came to terms with the inevitability that you would have to face Kuroo again. It was probably childish of you to hope you could avoid him for the rest of your life, to continue avoiding the truth of your feelings. It was amazing you'd managed to avoid him for over a year since moving back to Tokyo, especially during those six months where you lived with Bokuto. You told Akaashi that you were ready, that you weren't going to miss Bokuto's birthday for something so silly.

"I don't think it's silly," Akaashi disagrees. "Bokuto will understand."

"We're adults," you say with a shrug. "I can’t avoid him forever. I might even be able to apologise.”

[its-ya-boi-autumn]

Oof! Another Illumi short because I haven’t written him in a while either... it’s a little difficult for me to write him sometimes but I’m still gonna try because he’s just great. Also this has been in my drafts for freaking months and I had no idea how to end it, so sorry for it being extra short.

You felt a little stupid for setting up your room just for a video call, but you didn’t want to look like a slob in front of Illumi. It wasn’t that you were necessarily dirty, you just had some extra clothes lying around and some food boxes on the ground and on your bed. You had been genuinely surprised when he had agreed to join in a video call with you in the first place. He just didn’t seem the type for such “silly things”.

It was rather late at night as well, almost around 11. You figured Illumi wouldn’t even be up at this time of night. He was rather fixed on his routines, and it was likely he’d forget you wanted to video chat him at all. Your mind fixated on things he could be doing while put books back into their shelves. He could be training, bathing, eating, most likely training. That was almost all he ever did, or at least, what his excuse for not seeing you was almost every time. Though Illumi wasn’t the type to lie, so it must be true...

Just after you had turned off the main lighting and plugged in the faerie lights you had put up earlier that day, a noise emitted from your laptop. You jumped at the sound of Skype blooping and beeping it’s little song through the small speakers of the device. Quickly, you grabbed it up and set it on the foot of your bed, answering the call.

Illumi’s pale face met yours through the other side of the screen. His dark hair was pinned up in a ponytail behind him while he glanced around his desk for something. He didn’t seem to notice you on the call.

“Uh... hello?” you giggled. Illumi stopped what he was doing and glanced at the screen.

“Oh. Hello y/n.” he greeted quietly, his voice low like usual. You adored the sound almost as much as you adored the face beyond you. You smiled in return. His room was clean, as you had expected it to be. It was then you realized he wouldn’t have even seen your room, so there was really no use in taking the time to clean it up for him. Either way, you felt more relaxed in the spotless space. Illumi picked something up off screen and threw it to his left.

“What are you doing?” you asked suddenly. You blushed at your own impulsivity. Illumi hummed.

“Nothing really, just cleaning up a little.” he spoke punctually. You figured then that this call might not last long, nor would it be very entertaining. Illumi didn’t talk much, and with how awkward you already were, there wasn’t much to say to him.

“So, was there a specific reason you wanted to call me?” he stopped everything he was doing and sat back in his desk chair. His hands were in his lap while he stared at you intently. You blushed a little deeper, your hand moving to rub the name of your neck.

“Uh... yeah but it’s nothing too important I guess...” you started, already feeling dumb. He’d probably end the call the second you told him, saying there was no need to stay with you if there wasn’t anything needed. Though, for the time being, he said nothing, waiting patiently for your response.

“I just wanted to talk to you in general. Not about anything specific, just to talk for a little.” you finished explaining. Your eyes averted from the screen to play with your fingernails, picking at them and pulling them off.  “Oh, okay then. What do you want to talk about?” the reply was sudden again. Something you hadn’t expected him to say. You looked back up, your eyes meeting his.

“Oh! Uh- well...” you hadn’t thought about that. You should have thought about that... you knew he’d have nothing much to say, other than maybe something Hisoka was doing recently or something about training. You sighed, admitting defeat.

“Hmm... well there isn’t much going on here so, I guess I don’t have much either.” Illumi mumbled more to himself than to you. He peeked up at your screen.

“What’s been going on over at your place? I haven’t seen you in a while you know.” he asked, relaxing into his chair. You rested your head on your hand, thinking. What had you been doing in the last month?

“Um... well, not much really. I guess we got a new dog recently. Her name is Oreo. Wanna see?” you felt the excitement flood in. Oreo was a little Border Jack with black and white spots dotting around her short body. She was only 8 months old as well, turning 9 months within a few days.

“Sure.” Illumi obliged, setting his arms on the desk in front of him to watch you closer. You held up a finger and left the screen, opening your bedroom door to find Oreo. You heard snoring in the kitchen, noting that it must have been the little dog. You found her curled up against the wooden cabinets, snoring loudly.

“Hi baby~” you cooed at her. Oreo opened her brown eyes and started wagging her tail at you. Giggling, you scooped her up in your arms and shuffled back to your bedroom where your laptop still sit, humming quietly. You plopped your body down back onto your bed with an ‘oof’ while Oreo slammed down into your lap. You let you an exaggerated huff at the dogs weight.

“Jeez puppy I’m gonna have to stop feeding you so much huh?” you joked, ruffling her head. Oreo licked your hands in an affectionate manner. Illumi blinked at the image.

“She’s quite slobbery isn’t she?” he questioned, tilting his head at you. You laughed.

“Yeah sometimes, but most of the time she’s alright. She just barks a lot when the mailman goes by. Or when anyone comes by for that matter...” you explained, stroking the dogs back. The dog stared up at you with great brown eyes, its tongue lolling out stupidly as it continued to gaze upon you. Illumi stared as well, not knowing much of what to say. Instead, he threw his hair up into a bun and began searching through tabs on his laptop.

“Since there was nothing of importance here to speak of tonight, would you mind if I got offline? I do have a few things to look into before bed.” he stated plainly, scrolling through his email feeds. A part of you was saddened but knew he had a point. The two of you really didn’t have much to talk about, but seeing him was quite nice.

“Yeah, I’ll let you go then, it was nice talking to you though!” 

“As with you.” he responded before ending the call without a goodbye.

[donghyuwus]

Renjun | Fortunate Events

pairing: renjun x gender neutral reader

genre: fluff, tiny bit of angst and some heated stuff at the end (don’t worry nothing special)

warnings: none really excpet the makeout session at the end :)

words: 2011

authors note: hihi, hope this one does show up in the tags *gives tumblr an annoyed face* anyways the beginning of this has been in my drafts for a while and i got bored and bold so i decided to finish it today. hope u guys like it :)

disclaimer: english is not my first language so sorry for my spelling or grammar mistakes, i tried my best.

“Are you sure you want to go?”

You glanced over at Renjun trough the mirror, who was sitting at the end of your bed. Concentrated he looked at his fingers which he was playing with. A frown was placed on his forehead and his lips were sticking out in a pout. Quietly you chuckled at him while shaking your head.

“You know he isn’t the worst, why do you dislike him so much?” While waiting for an answer you returned to getting yourself ready. A few days ago you had been asked on a date by Lee Jeno. To your surprise actually. You didn’t quite have a crush on him or anything, you never really developed crushes anymore since kindergarten. Honestly you didn’t know why, so you just settled with the thought that your mind was too busy with other stuff instead of guys. But when Jeno asked you out you thought you had to give it a try. Jeno was nice and quite good-looking so why not give it a go right? However you found it weird that he asked you since you always thought he liked someone else. Honestly the whole school thought so. But oh well, things change, am I right?

Behind you you heard the boy sigh before he stood up and walked over only to stop right behind you. His eyes scanned your reflection in the mirror and you could swear he smiled for a split second, only to it being replaced by the pout right after. “I know. Jeno is nice and all, but you don’t even like him. For a fact you never liked anyone y/n.” Annoyed you stopped what you were doing and turned around to look him right in the eye. “Stop with saying that Ren, don’t you want me to be happy or anything?”

His big eyes stared at you and you let out a pissed huff. “You know, I’ve could have gone on so many dates but I didn’t. Always because you had something important which caused me to cancel it and rush over to you. Only to my surprise it not being that important after all.” With big steps you stomped over to your jacket. Just as you were about to leave you turned around and looked at him. “Now tell me Renjun, what are you gonna say this time to make me stay?”

You could see his eyes looking down defeated and deep inside you could feel your heart break seeing him hurt. But you were holding strong. A few seconds passed by and you could see him opening his mouth, only to it being closed again right after. You huffed once again and as you closed the door you could swear he said something but you were too worked up to hear it.

As expected you arrived there way too early. Not wanting to go into the cinema alone you decided to wait outside. First it started with a few minutes, but minutes turned into hours and soon you were almost freezing and hurt. Honestly you didn't expect Jeno not to come, he wasn't the type to let someone hanging like that. So with a sigh you started thinking about options to go home. The busses already stopped riding for the day so that wouldn't be a solution, besides that you had already spent all your money on getting here, not bringing more because Jeno told you he would give you a ride back. Walking home wouldn't be that smart because it was cold, almost dark and way too far. Immediately someone popped up in your head, but being the stubborn and petty idiot you were you ignored the thought and instead thought that walking would be a good idea.

Not even 10 minutes later you were starting to lose feeling in your hands because of the cold and you were getting a bit too paranoid knowing you were all alone in the dark, on an empty road. So eventually you gave up the battle against yourself and grabbed your phone. You dialled in his number and waited for him to pick up, witch didn't take long.

"Y/n? Are you okay? Why are you calling? Aren't you with Jeno?” His voice sounded worried and petty at the same time and you frowned, why did this kid hate Jeno that much? You shuffled around a bit before answering.

“Well,, uh,, my date stood me up. Can you please pick me up? I'm freezing to death here.” Not even a second later he asked where you were and without saying anything else he hung up. It didn't take him long to arrive and when he did you could see his face full of worries as soon as he stepped out of the car to open the door for you.

When he closed the door after sitting down himself a silence fell over the both of you. His eyes went to look at you. Renjun has stared at you numerous of times. All those times nothing would resolve of them. But this time you could feel yourself tension up. You didn't dare to look at him for some reason. Maybe you were afraid he was gonna scold you for going out with someone he didn't want you to and ending up like this. Or maybe he would be disappointed.

“I’m sorry.” You froze at his words. From everything that you had predicted, you hadn’t expected this. Why wasn’t he mad because you didn't listen to him? Your eyes met his and in the soft light that came from some lanterns Renjun looked more beautiful than ever and you held in your breath while looking at his face. You have seen his face so many times, with all different emotions displayed on them. But for some reason the one he displayed now was foreign to you. It gave you a weird feeling in your stomach and you quickly shook your head before turning your eyes to the road.

“It’s okay,” you whispered, “after all I should have listened. Look at me now I'm an ice cube." You chuckled at yourself quietly as you stared at your fingers. Soon after a silence fell over the both of you and the only noise heard was the engine of the car as it was still on to provide some heat.

"Hey Ren-" you turned your head to look at him, only to swallow all your words because of the closeness of his face. His eyes stared into yours before they went down to your lips. Never in your life had you felt the things you were feeling in that moment. Since when did Renjun make you this nervous? Why was he even this close? Why did you want him to press his lips against yours?

He seemed to read your mind and started leaning in as he slowly closed your eyes. You mirrored his moves.

Ring.

Your lips almost touching and your faces inches apart you shot up when your phone ringed. A sigh escaped out of the boy next to you when you answered.

A familiar voice on the other line began speaking: 'Hey it's Jeno, I'm so sorry for what happened today. It's a long story but basically my best friend needed me, it was an emergency. I'll make it up to you another time, I promise.' It was silent for a moment on your side of the line, processing his words. 'It's okay Jeno, really. Is everything okay with your friend?' 'Yeah, yeah he is alright now. Anyways I'll take you on another date to make it up to you, if you want to of course.' You fumbled your fingers, thinking of a way to say the thing you wanted to. Beside you Renjun was holding his breath and was completely still, you were sure he could hear what Jeno was saying.

'I'm sorry Jeno but I don't think I really want to. Today I realized that somebody who I used to perceive as just a friend, means a little more to me than just that. I think I like him.' It was quiet for a while and you were nervous, afraid that you had hurted him. While beside you Renjun was even stiller than before, did he die? You were almost sure your heart was beating a way out of your chest, nervous for how he would think of what you just confessed. 'That's totally fine y/n. If I'm gonna be totally honest I think I have feelings for someone who I saw as just a friend too. Haha I think that maybe this was meant to happen today. I hope everything works out with you and him. I wish you two the best.' 'Thanks Jeno, I wish the same for you.' 'Bye y/n.' 'Bye, bye.' And with that the conversation ended. You swallowed hard and put your phone back down in your purse. Too afraid to face the boy beside you, you stared outside of the window in front of you. It had started raining, you looked at the drops racing down the window.

'He likes you too.' Your head jolted in his direction. 'Who does?' You asked caught off guard by his sudden speaking. He rolled his eyes annoyed before he leaned forward and connected your lips with his. His hands cupping your now increasingly hot face. It felt like your heart stopped beating. He stopped after a good minute and moved his face to your ear. 'I do, silly.' As a whisper it came out, his lips touching your ear while saying the words. It felt like you were getting a fever, like you went crazy. Before you could respond, he had moved his head again and reconnected both of your lips. Now being much less gentle. One of his hands was still cupping your jawline and part of your cheek, while the other was now in your hair, rummaging trough it. Feeling like a dumb statue with your hands glued to your side, you decided you could use some action as well and so you put both your hands in his hair.

You had played with his hair before but not in this way. It felt different, everything did, like this was a whole new Renjun. You loved both versions of him but this one made you go absolutely nuts. His hair felt even more amazing than usual, soft and fluffy. His lips felt like they were made for yours. You could shoot yourself for not finding out sooner that this has been what you always wanted since you met Renjun, wanting to be more than friends. That's why you never truly liked anyone, why dates never happened a second time and why nobody made their way into your heart. It was because Renjun already had a place there and a big one too.

His tongue went across your lower lip, asking for permission, which you gave him. While he was exploring your mouth your hands traveled down his neck and under his shirt. You didn't know where you got to courage from but it was soon gone when Renjun stopped and grabbed your hands, removing them from his skin. He was smiling, looking insanely good. His lips red and plump from the kissing, his cheeks tinted red and his hair messy but oh so gorgeous. 'Not now baby. Maybe later.' A peck was placed on your cheek but you were honestly not paying much attention, still stuck on the name he just called you. You were sure you were the brightest tint of red you ever have been. While you were daydreaming he repositioned himself in his seat and started the car again. 'First let's get you something to eat. You must be starving.' Nodding your head you got yourself together and fixed your hair.

'So where are we going? McDonalds? KFC?' He looked over at you and you smirked. 'Your house.' A claugh escaped his mouth at your brave statement and he reached out to pinch your cheek before driving off.

'McDonalds it is.'

FIN

heya, if you liked this and would like to support me and my work consider buying me a kofi for 2 euro’s trough the link in the descripition, it would mean a lot to me! but don’t feel forced to of course, it’s totally optional <3

[bi-bard]

Long Forgotten Past- Arthur Pendragon Imagine (Merlin)

Title: Long Forgotten Past

Pairing: Arthur Pendragon X Reader (I tried to make this gender neutral but if I slipped up, I’m sorry)

Requested: Nope... 

Warning(s): Mentions of past abandonment and memory loss

Summary: Someone made a decision that changed (Y/n)’s life forever. Now things are changing and the truth will be revealed. A visitor coming to Camelot makes sure that the truth comes out and (Y/n) learns more in a day than they had in forever.  

Author’s Note: I have had this sitting in my drafts for so long! This was originally a musical prompt but I drifted very far from that original idea... whoops!

---------------------------------------------------------

“Merlin, let go of my wrist,” I hissed as he dragged me through the halls of the castle. 

“No, this is important,” he replied, continuing to drag me along.

“Merlin,” we heard someone shout behind us. Merlin stopped with an angry sigh, tuning around to face Arthur. “Hello, (Y/n).”

“Hello, Arthur,” I smiled. 

“Merlin,” Arthur turned his attention to the boy that was still grabbing onto my wrist. “What on Earth are you doing?”

“I need to speak to Gaius and it’s important that (Y/n) is there,” Merlin explained. “You can make me do any chores you want afterwards.”

“(Y/n), are you alright,” Arthur touched my arm gently.

“I’m fine,” I said with- what probably looked like- a dumb smile. He nodded before waving us off. “Bye.”

“Bye,” he replied.

“God, you two are pathetic,” Merlin muttered once Arthur was out of earshot and you had continued following him to see Gaius. “He is absolutely in love with you.”

“No, no he is not,” I insisted. We had this discussion all too often. Merlin had this idea that Arthur loved me... which wasn’t true. It couldn’t be true. 

“Gaius,” Merlin shouted as opened the door of their room. “I’ve discovered something.”

“What is it,” Gaius asked, stepping away from whatever potion he was making. 

“There’s a king missing his child,” Merlin explained. “His wife died when the kingdom was attacked and the child disappeared.”

“Merlin, where is this going,” Gaius asked. I furrowed my eyebrows and crossed my arms.

“(Y/n) is that child,” Merlin exclaimed.

“What,” Gaius and I shouted at the same time. 

“Is it impossible,” Merlin asked.

“Yes,” I replied. 

“You have no memories from before... about eight years old,” Merlin added. “You know that your parents didn’t give birth to you. Why can’t you even think that this is a possibility?”

“Gaius,” I turned to look at the old man. “Please tell him that he has lost it.”

“Well...,” Gaius started.

“Gaius,” I shouted. 

“We need to tell Uther that there’s a chance,” he continued. “The only one who could confirm this is the man who is potentially your father.”

“You’re kidding,” I shook my head and looked down.

“Come with me, we’ll speak with him before his meeting with the knights,” Gaius said, motioning for Merlin and me to follow him. 

“We’re doing this right now,” I asked. I was scared. I shouldn’t have been scared. None of this was possible. They both nodded. “Okay.”

“Sire,” Gaius said as we all walked into the throne room. “I have an important issue to discuss with you.”

“Make it quick, Gauis, I have a meeting soon,” Uther replied.

“You may have heard about King Rowan,” Gaius explained. “He lost his wife when their kingdom was attacked and his child seemed to disappear at random. Merlin and I have reason to believe that we’ve found his child.”

“Really,” Uther looked stunned. “His child has been missing for almost fifteen years. Who do you believe it is?”

“(Y/n),” I straightened my spine when Uther looked at me when Gaius said my name. “The only person who can confirm that is King Rowan.”

“I’ll have someone go and deliver a message to him,” Uther promised, walking over to us. He placed a hand on my shoulder. “It should only take a few days for him to arrive. We’ll find out the truth.”

“Thank you, Sire,” I said, nodding before going to leave. I still had work to get done... even if my thoughts were in a mess now.

**A Few Days Later**

I ran through the hallways once Gwen and Morgana finally let me go. They had insisted on making sure I looked my best when my potential father showed up. I understood why but it made me even more nervous. 

I only stopped when I was right outside the doors to the throne room. The guards at the doors gave me nods that I think were supposed to comfort me. I nodded back and they opened the large doors for me.

“This is (Y/n),” Uther said as I walked in. Another man was standing there. That must have been King Rowan.

The room was completely silent. I stood in the middle of the room, scared out of my mind. King Rowan walked over slowly. My heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest.

“Your necklace,” Rowan said. I touched in out of instinct. It wasn’t much. A single charm on some string. But I had always had it. “It belonged to my wife. She told me to give it to my child. It was her last wish on her deathbed.”

“That... That means...”

“(Y/n),” King Rowan pulled me into a tight hug. I felt him shaking. I let tears fall from my eyes. “My child.”

“Father,” I mumbled. I stepped away after a minute, trying to wipe my eyes so I could look presentable. “Why can’t I remember that time? I would’ve been old enough to have memories.”

“That was my doing,” he looked down. “I had a warlock wipe the first ten years from your mind. I didn’t want you to hold onto that pain. Now that you’re here, we can find a way to restore them.”

“Gaius,” Uther said. “He would be able to fix this, yes?”

“I could certainly try, Sire,” Gaius nodded. I turned around and hugged him.

“Thank you,” I mumbled. 

“You’re welcome,” he replied before stepping back to look at everyone. “(Y/n) will need to stay in my chambers and I will need to be able to work with her in private.”

“Of course,” Rowan nodded. He gave me one last hug before following Uther, who was offering him a tour of the castle. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Of course,” I nodded. Everyone had left the room except for Gaius, Merlin, and Arthur.

“I told you so,” Merlin said. I rolled my eyes at him.

“Merlin,” Arthur warned. “One more word, you’ll be sleeping in the stables.”

“Sorry,” Merlin held his hands up. He moved over to hug me. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you,” I mumbled. 

“Gaius and I will go off to prepare for... whatever is going to happen,” Merlin said before following Gaius out of the throne room.

“So, you’re royalty,” Arthur said after the door shut behind them.

“Apparently,” I looked down. I was caught off guard when he hugged me and twirled me around. “What is it?”

“This is the best news,” he replied. “This is perfect.”

“Why is it so perfect?”

“We’ll talk about that later,” he shrugged with a smirk before kissing my forehead. “Good luck.”

“Thank you,” I gave him a nervous smile before heading off to see Gaius and Merlin.

I walked through the door, fiddling with my hands. My stomach was full of butterflies and I was scared that I would actually throw up. Merlin gave me a comforting smile once he saw me shifting from one foot to another. 

“Come lay down,” Gaius said. I nodded and sat on the cot that Gaius had. 

“How is this going to work,” I asked.

“Well, I’m going to give you this potion,” Gaius held up a bottle. “It should start bringing your memory back but it will cause you to fall asleep because the process of regaining memories can be...”

“Overwhelming,” I completed his thought. He nodded. “Have you done this before?”

“Never had to,” Gaius replied, kind of shrugging at me. I let out a heavy sigh. “It’ll be okay.”

“Okay,” I shook my hands out before holding one out to take the bottle from him. 

I shifted so I was laying down, then took a huge gulp of the potion. I winced at the flavor as Gaius took it from me. My wincing stopped as I started feeling drowsy, my eyelids struggling to stay open. After what could’ve been seconds, I was falling asleep.

**Time Skip**

I slowly blinked as my brain became less and less cloudy. I rolled my neck before moving to sit up on the cot. I jumped a little when I saw how many people were there... just looking at me.

“Hello,” my father said softly, sitting next to me. I smiled at him. “I know this is going to sound a little silly but... can you tell me the name of your mother?”

“My mother’s name was Aleida,” I replied, my eyes filling with tears. “She was killed by a neighboring kingdom when I was eight. And I just forgot her.”

“No, no, no,” my father hugged me, rubbing my back. “You did nothing wrong. I am so sorry. I am so sorry for everything.”

“May I have a few minutes,” I asked. “I just want to collect my thoughts.”

“Of course,” my father nodded, moving to stand and guide everyone out.

Once the door closed, I felt all of my emotions truly come out. I was scared and I was confused. I placed a hand over my mouth as I cried. Almost eight years of lost memories came crashing back in less than a minute. I couldn’t sort through all of my thoughts.

Whether or not I understood what was going on, my tears eventually stopped. I finally stood from the cot and walked towards the door. Everyone was waiting just outside. 

“Sorry,” I mumbled. “I just needed to pull myself together.”

“You’re alright,” Arthur stepped forward and touched my shoulder. I smiled at him.

“Merlin, I believe you and I have some work to finish up, don’t we,” Gaius asked. Merlin nodded, a very smug smile on his face as they walked back into Gaius’ chambers. 

“Rowan, I believe we have a deal to discuss,” Uther announced. “Would you like to go discuss the matter?”

“Of course,” my father replied, walking towards the throne room.

“So,” Arthur said slowly. “It’s true.”

“It’s true,” I chuckled. “So, you can tell me why this was such great news.”

“Well,” he looked down for a moment. “I just want you to know that I love you.”

“Oh,” I froze up for a moment. “As in you’re in love with me?”

“Yes,” he confirmed with a small smile. “I didn’t want to say anything because of the stupid rule about royals not being with people that aren’t also royals... but this was the best stroke of luck because now no one can do anything to you if I was to say anything... which I did.”

“I am very happy that I do know,” I replied. I glanced around the nearby hallway before leaning up and kissing his cheek. “Let’s go see what our dads are so adamantly discussing.”

 “Alright,” he nodded, holding his arm out so I could wrap mine around. I leaned on his shoulder while we walked down the hallway. It was nice. This was a definitely a nice moment.

-------------------------------------------------

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[jolienjoyswriting]

Melon’s Birthday

"Melon's Birthday," a very twisted Beastars fan fiction story. Co-written by AI Dungeon (Griffin AI)

The day has finally arrived!  It's Melon's birthday!  And, of course… you, Haru, made a promise to him.  You make lots of promises to lots of people… but the one you made to your half-predator, half-prey friend is one you intend to keep.

Word count: 2,976 – Character count: 16,372 Draft time: UNKNOWN (07 pages) Drafted: November 14th, 2020 –

Spoiler Warning This story contains major spoilers about the Beastars series finale.

Okay, I'll be honest, here – I didn't like how Beastars ended.  I thought the ending felt rushed, clichéd, and smelled horribly either of executive meddling or of Ms. Itagaki throwing her hands up and going “eff it”.  There were also some plot threads left unresolved, or just plain discarded… such as Haru’s promise to Melon.  This fan fiction was written to correct what I felt like was a missed opportunity and is totally not me just exercising a bizarre fetish I didn’t know I had until I started reading Beastars.  No.  Not at all.  (:

Random fact: I played Haru during the writing of this story.  Not that it mattered too much, since I also wrote several lines for Melon. Also of note, this story was Reported into oblivion by some people on AI Dungeon.  I’ve removed it from publication because of this.  Sorry.

Melon, Legosi, Haru, and "Beastars" series and related characters and concepts created by Paru Itagaki and © Akita Shoten

    It was a chilly, Winter day.  Snow fell over the city, but no one seemed to notice.  The Back Alley Market was torn down during the last Turf War, replaced by other businesses, and unity between predator and prey species was at an all-time high and things had truly never been better in the city!  However, despite the uneventful day outside… it was certainly eventful inside a certain prison.

    During the events of the past Turf War, the mysterious killer known only as Melon was arrested and locked in solitary confinement.  He was finally getting the help he needed.  As it just so happened, it was Melon's birthday, on this wintery day, and he'd already had some visitors, such as his "friend" Legosi, who gave him a couple of books and some candy.  He didn't know it, but he was in for a surprise visit from another "friend" of his…

    The criminal was reading one of the books Legosi gave him when he heard them arrive.     "Thanks," he heard a female voice call. When he looked up, he saw a white dwarf rabbit talking to one of the guards outside of his cell.  Then, as the guard let her in… he perked.     "Haru…" he whispered in a mix of surprise and borderline-happiness.  "You came…"     "Professor," she greeted with a soft smile.     Her smile warmed as she watched him stand to meet her.  She walked over, sitting on a padded bench and looking into his cold eyes.     "Happy birthday," she told him as she set a vacuum flask next to herself.  "I made you some coffee."     "Thank you," he replied softly.     She poured some coffee into a plastic cup, then poured some for herself.     "The guard wouldn't let me bring mugs in," she told him with a sigh.  "They're afraid you might try and hurt yourself.  I told them you wouldn't do that… not anymore… but they didn't listen.  I hope this is okay."     "It is," he answered.     He took a sip of coffee.  It tasted strange, like chalk, and it was hot enough to burn his tongue… which is how he liked it.  Even so, it made him cough.     "Blow, silly," she chuckled as she blew cool air onto her own drink.  "So, how are you holding up, here?  Are they treating you alright?"     He nodded silently, downing the whole cup, making himself hiss.  Then, wordlessly, he  handed the empty container back to her as she shook her head.     "Thanks for the drink," he said.  "I don't deserve it, but…"     "You do," she countered.  "You're trying, Melon.  And, that's what counts."     He looked at the rabbit, his eyes devoid of any feeling.     "Doesn't matter," he answered.  "There's no helping me.  I'm diseased.  Plagued.  I shouldn't exist… but I do.  Because my mother was a whore and my father was a pervert."     She sipped her drink as she watched Melon's expression falter.     "Do you know the saddest thing about what you just said?" she asked, once he'd finished her sip.  "You honestly believe every word of that."     She offered him another smile.     "Melon, you're not a monster," she told him.  "You're a… well, a lot of things, but a monster isn't one of them."     "You don't know what I am," he hissed back.     "No, Melon, I really don't," she agreed.  "But, I'm willing to find out."     "Why?" he asked in disbelief.     "Because." Her face warmed a little.  "You're proof that predator and prey can truly love each other."     Her tone was light, her smile warm.  It caused his stomach to twist into a sickening knot.     "So, you've said," he dismissively mumbled.

    "Melon, I know you don't want to hear it, but… you're a miracle.  You're the result of two very different people coming together and making a conscious decision to love one another.  Maybe it wasn't fair.  You didn't ask for this… ask to be born.  But, I'm glad that you were.  Just meeting you… learning about you… gave me new hope for my relationship with Legosi."     Haru bit her lip, stopping herself from saying anything more.  Once she'd stopped talking, she looked down at her drink, stirring it slowly as she began to blush.  Her ears were red, her fur bristling with anxiousness.     "I brought you something for your birthday, Melon," she said as she nodded to the guard.  When he and his partner walked away, she turned back to Melon with an oddly shy sort of smile.  "It's not coffee."     The hybrid animal cocked his head.  Haru hadn't clarified what it was beyond that.  Rather, she'd crossed her arms in front of her chest and stared down at her hands as she fiddled with a ring that adorned her finger.     "Well?" she asked hesitantly.  "Do you… like it?"     He stared in confusion.  "Do I like what?" he said in a short tone.     "Your birthday present!" she cheerfully exclaimed, looking up at him.     When he gave another confused look, she sighed and smiled.     "You forgot my promise, huh?  You're almost bad as Legosi…" she muttered.     She looked down, absentmindedly rubbing at her fingers as she frowned to herself.     "I guess I did," he grumpily muttered.  She could tell that he was lying, though.     "I promised…" she started as she removed her ring and put it into her dress pocket, "that you could eat me for your birthday.  So…"     She stood up and stepped over.     "If you still want to…"     She then beamed up at the confused killer. "I'd like to be your prey!"

    Melon's breath caught in his throat.  His eyes shot open, his irises expanding to the point where they seemed almost hollow.  His jaw dropped as bunny looked upon him with a predatory gaze of her own.     "I already paid off the guards so they won't interrupt.  They won't be back for an hour," she said with a soft chuckle.  "I also had them turn off the cameras for this room.  I'm all yours, Professor… just like I promised."     She put her hands on the rim of her sweater, fingers hooking under it.     "So… if you still want to eat me…"     She lifted the dress from the bottom and pulled it off her body.  Then, as she tossed the garment aside, revealing the naked form that lay underneath, she whispered…     "I'm yours…"

    Melon stared at the young rabbit woman.  He knew she must work out – surely that what kept her body looking so perfect.  Her belly was flat, ribs showing where none should be.  Her body was young and firm; soft skin that was still strong enough to excite a man nearly twice her age.  Her legs were long and slender, just a few extra pounds around her hips.  She was definitely a sight to behold… and for some reason, that made him conscious of his own gaunt body.  His own was nowhere near as developed.  It was just… deadly.     After a moment of staring, Melon stood up, taking Haru into his arms like a plush toy.  He then sat on the bench, placing the girl right in his lap.     "I want to eat you," he breathed.     When Melon licked his lips, Haru blushed a little.  That wasn't the look of an animal looking for food that he was giving her…  No, what she saw was a different kind of "hunger".     "W-wait," she said with a frustrated scowl.  "Melon, that's not what I–"     He covered her mouth with his hand, two of his long fingers wrapping around her neck.  She shivered, but she didn't struggle.     "No, that's fine," Melon softly said, pulling his hand away. He looked at her, gently running his fingers through her short fur.  Then, he leaned down, forcing her into a rough kiss that was surprisingly warm and gentle.  Just as he was starting to get into the swing of things…     "M-Melon!"     She suddenly pushed him away and turned to one side, half-curling into herself.

    "M-Melon…" she whispered, her voice unusually soft.  "When you said you wanted to eat me, I-I thought…"     She sighed, then she looked up, locking eyes with the murderer.     "You're welcome to eat me…" she sternly told him, gently holding the hand that stayed curled around her throat, "but I can't do those other things with you.  Besides…"     She looked up with a soft, sad sort of smile.     "You can do better than a sad little rabbit for that.  Surely!"

    Melon watched helplessly, his expression unchanging, as she suddenly started to shiver.  The girl's body began to shudder as silent sobs wracked her.  Was she suddenly scared he would rape her?  Or, was it something else?  She buried her head in her knees, trying to hide as she was overwhelmed by her emotions.  He didn't like seeing her like that… but what could he do?

    He reached out his hand to her, and she looked at it, sniffling.     "S… sorry," she hiccuped, trying to save face.  "I guess… I guess I wasn't expecting you to suddenly find me attractive.  You really have changed, haven't you?"     She didn't mean that in a bad way, of course.  She was proud of all the progress he'd made since his defeat and his attempt at suicide, so many months ago.  It was just…     "I love Legosi, Melon…  It took me a long time to realize that I love his big, dumb, idiotic self.  But, I'm a girl who keeps her promises."  She paused.  "I made a promise that I'd let you eat me for your birthday, and I still mean it.  I… I want you to eat me.  Because, I want you to be able to feel something.  I want you to be happy…"     She sniffled a little more and rubbed her wet eyes.  Meanwhile… her words made his face scrunch up in disgust and anger.     "What?  What are you talking about?  What?" Melon asked angrily, his hand tightening around her throat.     "I'm saying… I want you to be happy," she gasped as he started to choke her.  "I want you to be happy and to feel.  If eating me can help you do all that… then I'll gladly let you.  You're… you're special to me.  You're interesting.  You're proof that love conquers all."     She softly caressed his hand and looked away, feeling slightly embarrassed.     "I must sound like a holiday greeting card, right now…" she laughed.  "But… it's true."     She looked his way, again, her eyes staring right into his, once more.     "You don't know how amazing you are, Melon.  But, I do.  That's why I want to keep my promise to you.  Please… don't hold back.  Eat me."

    Haru's eyes slipped shut as she sat in the killer's lap, holding her breath.  She didn't resist and she didn't fight back as he tightened his grip on her neck while she caressed his hand.  She was shivering and her heart was pounding… but she wasn't afraid.  She was just… doing what came naturally to a little prey animal, like her.  She couldn't help that her body wanted to run or that her brain wanted her to cry out for help.  She would do neither, though.  All she wanted… was for the beautiful hybrid that was strangling her… to eat her.  And he would, in due time.

    He looked back into her eyes.  She was already struggling to breathe.  Soon, she wouldn't be able to go on.  Yet… she was still able to look right into his.  He could see it in her eyes… he could see that she meant what she said… that it was okay.  She genuinely wanted this.  Maybe even more than he did…  It was like a challenge, even though she didn't know it.  She wanted him to eat her.  Was it a reward for being brave or something?  Maybe, it was more like a dare.

    Melon's expression went back and forth between a mixture of disgust and desire.  He licked his lips as he stared at her neck.  He wanted to snap it… end her misery before it could begin.  But at the same time, he didn't want to hurt her.  No… he just wanted to eat her.  Just like she wanted.  This was what he needed.  It didn't matter that she was pretty.  It didn't matter that she was a prey animal.  It didn't even matter that she was practically challenging him to do it.  What mattered was that she wanted this more than he did.  If she really cherished his freedom that much, then he would do it.  He would eat her… and he would be free.

    "M… Melon?  Wh…" the girl wheezed.     He tightened his grip on her neck, lifting her into the air as she coughed and gagged.  Then, with little emotion to his voice, he whispered…     "I'm sorry…"     Haru closed her eyes, violently trembling.  He was moving his head closer to her… threatening to bite her throat.  In mere seconds… it would be over.  And, no matter what… she was going to fight all of her hard-coded urges and simply… let him do whatever he wanted with her tender, delicious body.  It was her birthday gift, given to someone she admired… someone she wanted to make happy.  She wanted him to do that.  Perhaps she was a bit jealous that he existed… or perhaps she understood him in a way no one else ever could.  She didn't feel scared.  She didn't feel anxious.  She felt… excited.     "I… want this…" she whispered as her words blurred into a hoarse cough.  "M… Melon.  Eat… me…"     "Yes…"

    The two animals felt an unusual form of ecstatic feeling flow through their veins as it happened.  Haru squeaked in a mix of pain and ingrained fear.  She could feel every inch of Melon's cheetah fangs burying themselves into her delicate neck.  Even Melon, who was all but dead on the inside, felt something new… something unfamiliar… something that he thought he would never feel again.  And as he tasted her blood for the first time, it was like a shooting pain, but a good shot straight through his heart.

    He gasped for breath, his grip growing weak on her neck.  The girl had stopped moving, her red life fluids trickling through her pure, white fur and down his clutched hand.  She was still breathing, though… still alive.  He'd intentionally held back just enough… to savor her taste.  A taste that he hadn't expected.  As he cleaned his teeth of her blood, he tasted something more than what was there… something deeply emotional.  It was the sweetest thing he'd ever felt… better than anything he'd ever tasted before.  He wanted more of it.  He wanted it all the time.  And so he did what he set out to do.

    He went back to the well, and he drank.  And drank.  And drank.

    "N-ngh…"     Haru tried to reach up and grasp his wrist.  However, she fell short.  He was feeding like he was a vampire and her little body was losing blood, fast.  It made her feel weak and dizzy… and happy.  Very happy.  He was really taking his time… enjoying things at his own pace…     "H-H... Happy...  B... Birthday, Melon...!" she managed to grunt as her vision started to darken and blur.  She was certainly going to die with a warm smile on her face… knowing that she made her friend so happy.     Melon slowly withdrew his head from off her throat, licking the last traces of blood from his lips.  He held her hand in his and looked into her pale eyes, which stared into his own.  She wasn't focusing, anymore.  She was starting to fade on him.  Good.  His plan was working.  Soon… she would lose consciousness, and he could eat her without hurting her any further.     "Thank… you…  Melon…" she whispered.     "My pleasure," he said with genuine warmth to his voice.     As the girl drifted off, the two of them shared one last smile…

    When the guards returned at the start of the next hour, they were stunned to see that the little, white rabbit girl had, indeed, kept her word.  All that remained was a small pile of clothing, some bones and inedible organs, and a vacuum flask she'd brought with her.     "You actually did it…" one guard said, feeling sick to his stomach.  "You actually ate her…  You sick, twisted bastard."     Melon sat on his bed, rubbing his belly and licking his lips.  He flashed a wicked, awful grin to the guard.     "Happy birthday to me," he practically purred, "happy birthday to me…"

    There was absolutely no remorse to his voice or shame on his face.  In fact, he had never looked happier.  There was, however, a sole regret that rested in his mind…     I'll never get to experience this, ever again…     He shrugged a little.     Such is life.

    In the name of keeping a promise.  Haru had made the ultimate sacrifice, that day.  And, in her last moments of consciousness, she felt absolutely no regrets in her decision.  After all… she'd wanted Legosi to eat her since that business with the old leader of the Shishigumi.  Because it would have made her happy.  She recalled thinking about the events that transpired after that time… how, in a fit of necessity… Legosi had been convinced to eat the foot of their mutual friend, Louis.  In some twisted way, she was even a little jealous that Legosi had done it, regardless of circumstances.  Legosi and Louis would always have that deep, emotional bond… something she felt that she lacked with the big, dumb wolf.

    Before her light had completely faded… she smiled.  She smiled because she was finally able to have that sort of bond with someone she cared for.  She smiled because she was finally able to make someone genuinely happy.  And, she smiled because she finally got to play the role she was born into…

    She was finally able to be the prey that she was meant to be.

[ellana-ravenwood]

A fitting name - Dick Grayson x Reader

Summary : You’re dating Dick Grayson, aka Nightwing, and contrary to popular belief...he ISN’T always that happy-go-lucky people think he is. Actually, you’d even go to the extend to say that he was a moody bitch sometimes.

This story has been sitting in my draft for a while, but every time I did a vote about which one you wanted to see next...it lost by a landslide. This time however, it won by ONE vote haha, so bam here it is, hope you’ll like it :

My masterlist blog : @ella-ravenwood-archives

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                                                       ******

It had been going on for a while already. And it all started over such a silly thing...A few months ago, out on a mission, you got badly injured. But you were finally back on your feet and ready to go out there again.

Well, it was without counting on your boyfriend, who suddenly decided to become overprotective of you ! Usually, you wouldn’t have mind. In fact, you would have thought it was pretty darn cute, how he wanted to make sure you were alright. Showed that he cared. A lot.

Only problem was : you weren’t particularly known for your patience, and he was REALLY insisting on you staying behind, ignoring all your comments about being completely fine and healthy. 

Things escalated quickly, as you got vexed he didn’t think you were ready. But also got angry that he was basically ordering you to stay home ! How dare he ! Who was he to order you around like that ?! If you wanted to go, then you would go ! 

So you rose your voice a little bit. Because he was being unreasonable, and too damn controlling. He knew you hated that. 

Only that got him to raise his own voice too, and then just like that...You were yelling at each others, not quite sure how the hell it got that far. 

Well, “not quite sure”. 

You actually knew what happened. You were calm at first, and only started to get angry because he was getting angry. And though you knew his anger could suddenly blow out, and you probably should have had defused things instead of pushing him...Well, you just weren’t about to let anyone walk on your feet, even if it was him ! And even if everything started with the best intentions ! 

Sure it was cute that he wanted to protect you, but you didn’t need his protection right now, you needed his trust in believing that you were alright and ready to go back on the field !! 

In fact, after months of convalescence and feeling like you were useless, his support was essential to you ! He had been so great in reassuring you and nursing you back to health, you were so sure he’d keep going on that way. 

But his fear of loosing you, and his worries got the best of him. And here he was, bitching that you “never listened to him” while it wasn’t the truth...Oh but Dick Grayson was often very unfair, when he started to get irrationally angry. And his mouth often ran faster than his brain. 

“Oh my God, sometimes, your name fits you perfectly !” 

You shouted at him, and he looked at you and oh how fucking dare he roll his eyes at you like that ?! It made you even angrier, as he said : 

“What are you on about ?!”

“Your name, it’s a perfect fit.”

“What ? Why ?!” 

“Because you’re being such a dick ! And a dumb one at that, who can’t seem to remember his own damn name !” 

“Don’t call me dumb, you’re the one being stupid right now !”

“And you’re acting like a child !”

“I’m not ! You’re just so...STUBBORN !” 

“I wouldn’t be if you weren’t being a jerk !” 

“How am I being a je...I just want you to be safe !” 

“I earned my place here as much as anyone else ! Also, I could break you like a twig so pluh-ease !” 

“Well I never said you couldn’t ! But you’re still healing !” 

“I’m fine ! Do you really think I’d come if I thought I could be a liability to the team somehow ?!” 

“I never said you would, stop twisting my words !” 

“You implied it when you didn’t fucking drop it !” 

“I would have if you weren’t being so damn stubborn and pushed all my buttons on purpose !” 

“You pushed your own buttons buddy, getting all worked up like that.” 

“Don’t be condescending.” 

“Don’t be such a dick !” 

“I...You...They...I...GGGRROOOAAAH !!” 

Dick yelled, throwing his hands in the air out of frustration. And pacing back and forth in front of you, grumbling a little more and shaking his head in annoyance. 

You knew what had just happened, he had just reached his “too mad to find words to answer you” phase. Which meant that any seconds now, he was going to...Yup, and here he goes, leaving the room in a fury, barking a “let’s go” to the rest of the team. 

The rest of the team. 

The Young Justice. 

The future of heroes. 

And right now, they were all staring at you, utterly shocked. You were pretty sure they never seemed so confused before, not even when you guys got caught up in some pretty shady multi-dimensional shenanigans. 

Still annoyed to no end by your boyfriend’s behavior, you glared at them and asked, a bit harshly :  

“What ?!” 

They all took a step back (survival instinct), and you realized maybe you should take it down a notch. They didn’t do anything, after all. 

There was an awkward silence, and you were about to apologize when Dick came back in and yells : 

“ARE YOU GUYS COMING OR NOT ?!” 

Before rushing back out with angry steps, groaning some more unintelligible words as he leaves. And you knew your friends must be completely dumbfounded when none of them even retorted anything back, while many of those guys would usually not take someone’s shit like that. 

They just walked out of the room towards the plane that’ll take them to their next mission (Dick is already starting it up, well guess he’ll be the captain today...), and kept a bit of distance with you. 

Except for Wally and Artemis who fell back behind with you. The archer asked : 

“Are you ok ?”

“Yes, why wouldn’t I be ?” 

There was still a little bite in your words, but they knew better than to take offense to it. Especially after what they just witnessed. Wally said : 

“It’s just...this all kind of came out of nowhere ? He was all nice and all, worried about you and so sweet it made my teeth rot, and then all of a sudden BAM ! He got super angry because you were adamant you wouldn’t stay behind. Like you just walked on a mine or something.”

“Yeah well, he does that. Things trigger him and he explodes. Nothing new really. He’ll calm down just as fast, and will realize how stupid he’s just been and apologize. I probably should say sorry too...I did push his buttons on purpose because he was getting on my nerves...” 

There was a small silence as you’re almost to the plane, and both Wally and Artemis slowed down. Out of reflex, you slowed too and gave them a curious look. 

“Why are we stoping ?” 

You asked with your normal tone, as if nothing just happened. As if you and your boyfriend didn’t just yell at each others for the past ten minutes. As if all this was quite a regular occurrence really, and you were already so over it. As if this small talk with them calmed you down. Artemis was the first one to speak : 

“What do you mean “he does that” ? I’ve never EVER seen Dick mad. I mean, I’ve seen him get angry during fights, but we all do that. This back there, that was something else. I always pictured him as that calm smiley guy, who has jokes ready in the most desperate of situations so...” 

Ah. So that is it huh ? Evidently, your friends haven’t been around Dick long enough to truly see some of his ridiculous outbursts of anger. Or rather, they weren’t ALWAYS with him like you were..

Well, it made sense really. When you guys were hanging out with the team, it was either to go on missions or to have fun. And to be honest, some other easily angered members definitely stole Dick’s spotlight when it came to it. 

Conner, for example, used to always be angry or annoyed, and had difficulties to control himself. Dick felt compelled to behave in those cases, to crack jokes to loosen the atmosphere and such. So of course they never really saw him get mad, and thought he was just that happy-go-lucky guy. 

Like Artemis said, he got angry sometimes on missions, but that’s something that indeed happened to all of you. If a plan was going south, if a friend was hurt, if the villain was particularly despicable...So it also made sense they never really took notice of the rage Dick could find himself in. 

Which kind of makes you roll your eyes. Really hard. You say : 

“Ah, well of course you’d think that of him. But let me tell you guys, sometimes, Nightwing can truly be a moody bitch !” 

“Hey ! I heard that !”

Dick yelled, turning around in his seat at the front of the plane. You just stuck your tongue out at him, which ended up annoying him further (as you knew it would), but he was already so far in his anger that he didn’t even bother to answer and instead smashed some buttons and got the plane off and on to the mission. 

He knew he was being stupid right now, that he should calm down and that all this was just silly. That you were right, you were ready, and he should just accept that. But he was just so afraid of loosing you, and when you wouldn’t listen and stay back a little longer...He lost it. 

He simply lost it. Because he cared too much. That was one of his biggest problem, and a constant source of burst of angers, really. 

He turned around to you, but you were resolutely looking elsewhere, nose in the air, purposefully ignoring him. Which riled him up some more. He sped the plane up, and suddenly, he just couldn’t WAIT to get on with this mission !

Kicking some asses would help him relax...

************ 

It always surprised you, when people thought Dick was that always positive guy who never got angry and cracked jokes instead. 

That guy who, when he was on the verge of anger, would just smile and say something witty. 

That guy that just didn’t know the meaning of the word “furious”, because he always just danced around it by laughing infuriatingly and smiling in the face of whatever could make him mad ! 

Because oh, oh did they ignore a big part of his personality by thinking that !

Well, that wasn’t quite right. It is true that a lot of time, Dick was able to hold back his anger and be that happy-go-lucky person everyone thought they knew. And he did have a higher stamina against people trying to make him angry. Plus, he was definitely seeing the world in a more positive light. 

He had to, because otherwise he would fall into an bottomless pit of depression. Bruce always nursed this overly positive side in his son, because he tried more than anything to lead his boy onto another path than his. Because he didn’t want Dick to end up like him. 

So yes. Dick Grayson was a cheerful guy, who always had a good joke and on whom you could count on to turn your frown upside down in tough moments. 

But on some topics ? In certain situations ? Oh the man could loose it very fast ! Like with you, when you refused to “stay safe”. When his fear of something happening to you turned into pure anger and he was unable to control himself. 

But of course, you guess rare would be the people to actually witness such outbursts, right ? You had to be pretty darn close to him, to see it. To truly understand him. 

It’s true that, much like his father figure, his beloved mentor, the Batman himself, Dick often hid behind a mask when in public. Even with with friends. Because it was easier to play a part, sometimes, than to show his true nature and his true self. 

It was self-preservation really. Dick Grayson had suffered enough in his life, that of course he would build up some walls around him and protect his heart. He often pushed people away, like that. At school, he used to be a “loner” because it was easier to not make friends, stay alone and not get hurt when he’d ultimately lose them...Again, just like the man he came to call “dad”. 

Very few people actually managed to break his shell. 

So rare were the people to see this darker side of him. To see him throw tantrums or get irrationally mad over things that shouldn’t matter so much. 

But still, sometimes, you were wondering how the hell some people never even suspected that he could get like that. 

Like Superman for example, the guy knew him since he was a child, and yet always seemed very shocked whenever Dick acted out, saying stupid things like : “Jason/Damian, get out of Dick’s body !” and such. 

Which by the way, annoyed Dick even more. 

He hated whenever someone implied that only his two younger brothers had anger issues in the family. Because they ALL had anger issues. Hell, he saw Tim truly mad a few times, and it was absolutely terrifying. 

But both Jason and Damian were loud and needed so much attention...Of course they’d gain this reputation of being “the angry Robin”, while really, this title should have fell on Dick Grayson.

After all, he was the only one who decided to leave Bruce mainly because of his anger. Well, Jason “left” too but it wasn’t quite the same was it ? He was suppose to be dead, but got resurrected and then decided not to come back home right away, as he was angry towards his father.

Jason’s infamous anger towards his dad is what got him the “angry Robin” nickname, but he had every rights to be angry. And except for the feud he had with his father, and the shock his death and revival had on him, making him more violent than before...Jason was actually a pretty chill dude. 

He had a lot of confidence issues, so no insult ever phased him much as nothing could be worst of what he thought of himself. And in recent years, he even tamed down his killing spree and anger and...Well it was actually rare to see Jason Todd genuinely angry. 

He would bicker away with his father and brothers, but it seemed like recently, he had come back to how he used to be : it was very difficult to truly annoy him. To rile him up. To make him angry. 

Because the only thing that ever truly angered Jason Todd, was the fact that Bruce didn’t kill the Joker...And he had been able to move past that. Nowadays, to get a reaction out of him if you tried to annoy him, would be quite impossible. 

But Dick ? Oh if you knew what triggered him, you could send him in such fury ! He destroyed his room more than once, in his teen years, out of frustration.

When something unjust happened, mainly. Like him getting scolded by Bruce while he was sure he didn’t deserve it, or things like that. 

Talking about Bruce...Did no one ever wonder why Dick, in his late teen years, decided to leave his home ? Did no one ever wonder why he dropped the “Robin” mantel to take on the “Nightwing” one ?  (Important Author’s note : there’s different origin stories, of course. “Comic books” ya know, things always change. The original reason why Dick left was that he got shot in the shoulder by the fucking Joker (always him) and Bruce was like “you should quit being Robin”, and Dick got angry and was like : “Hell no dude” and left to join the Titans, becoming later on “Nightwing”...this is a extremely SUMMARIZED version of the original story but, basically that. While I’m using the “Batman : The Animated series” version + what kind of became canon later on, where Dick left because he didn’t agree with Bruce’s methods (again, summarized). I’m using this Nightwing “origin story” mainly because 1. I like it better, 2. it fits better with the story I’m writing right now and 3. It gives Bruce and Dick a nice “growing up and learning” arc, ok, we can carry on with the story now. But a big thing to remember is that in almost every single origin stories, what prompted Dick to become Nightwing was the fact that he was angry. Just thought this was an “important” note...or maybe it wasn’t and I’m just once again blabbering about comics).

Did they think Bruce was just letting his son grow up on his own for a bit, and become his own person and all ? Control freak Batman ? Letting go of his precious son on purpose ? Right. Fat chance. 

No. No the truth was something else. 

And to you, who was one of the person who knew Dick the best, it definitely made sense. 

************

Your boyfriend grew up alongside Bruce. Alongside Batman.

People often forgot how young Bruce was, when he took Dick as his ward. How inexperienced at being a father figure he was, and how lost he still was over so many things. At the time, they were both learning.

When Bruce took him as his ward, he had not been Batman for very long, and he still saw his crusade as a war. Not figuratively. Bruce saw himself as a soldier. At this point, the Bat outfit was just a gimmick to catch his enemies off-guard and give them something to recognize. And to fear.

Enemies.

Bruce saw criminals as enemy combatants. That's exactly how he treated them, except that he avoided killing as much as possible. 

Dick was never really on board with the anger and the darkness. He was trying to help people who needed it.

Bruce was trying to hurt those who deserved it. It was a way to escape his pain, and in the beginning, he definitely enjoyed giving them pain. His own pain, at the time, was still festering inside him, and the only way he knew how to cope was to hurt those he deemed guilty. 

While both Bruce and Dick fought the same fight, that difference in approach became too much to tolerate on a regular basis. And as Dick grew up and began to think for himself more and more, things broke. 

It is noteworthy to also mention that Bruce was accustomed to acting alone, with no one questioning his actions or his motives. But as Dick got older, he started to question everything. Loudly.

And he was right.

For Bruce, it was too much at the time. He always hated being wrong, so when he was faced with the truth by his own son...It was too much. 

Wether Robin quit or was “fired” is still unclear (author’s note : read that as in “it HIGHLY varies depending on who writes the story so I’d rather not take a side as I like both explanation and the fact it has an “obscure area”), the basic facts remain : Bruce delivered an ultimatum. Dick could fall in line or get out. 

Dick chose to get out.

There was a lot of anger on both sides.

And it ended with Dick going away for a while. Which was a good thing at the time. For both of them. He came back later knowing what he wanted, with a new name and a new costume, and ready to face Bruce and this time, stay until he changes his mind. 

Only a big fight wasn’t necessary. When Dick came back, Bruce had already realized on his own, as he was left alone once more, that he had lost his way. 

He decided the “no kill rule” for sure at that time. And instead of punishing Gotham, he started to protect it. This was made obvious by how he taught the “Robin job” to Jason, Tim or Damian. 

And this was all because Dick Grayson got mad at him. 

Eventually, they mended pieces together and Dick calmed down, after a long time being angry at his mentor (though always respecting and loving him). It’s Jason’s death, and how devastating it was for Bruce that brought Dick back. It’s that confirmation, when Bruce didn’t kill his son’s murderer, and how much it hit him hard that finally calmed Dick’s anger and made him come back home...

And this anger ? The reason why he was angry ? It’s a main source of why still nowadays Dick Grayson gets angry. 

He has always cared too much. Now he’d say “you can’t ever care too much”, but in his case, you really can. Because sometimes, he feels so much, he loves so strongly, that he doesn’t think straight.

And damn can he hold a grudge !

Now, in this particular case, Dick’s anger was justified. And it changed a lot of things in the Bat’s life, for the better. But it isn’t because that one time Dick got super angry for a reason (and dragged his anger for years, by the way...you always thought that it was a little too extra, the way he was mad for so long, though you understood...but just that in itself should make people see that Dick had a darker side ?), that he never got angry for the most ridiculous things ! 

************

There was two kind of angers, with Dick. The first one, was the reason he got mad at Bruce. The fact that he cared too much. An easy example : 

You met Dick in a peculiar situation. 

Well, maybe it wasn’t so peculiar for a city like Gotham.

It happened a normal morning, as you were on your way to school. You were late because you had to get your little brother to primary school first, as your parents were already at work since the sun came up…Nothing unusual really, you were used to have much more responsibilities than a young 13 years old should have. It never really bothered you though, as you knew no other ways.

You were running through the streets, hoping to make it in time and…Yeah, you never made it to school that day.

As you were only a few blocks away from it, you found yourself in the middle of total mayhem. You have no idea what really happened, but you remember little bits of it. 

You and a few other civilians getting stuck in between Batman, Robin, and a bunch of villains. You barely remember Batman and Robin able to put everyone on the side safely, but you not paying attention, worried about being late, and walking right towards the commotion. 

Then you only remember flashes of things. 

You almost getting chomped on by Killer Croc, and holding your arms up reflexively and then all of a sudden you were down on your ass, Killer Croc was passed out in the street, and everyone was staring at you. 

Next thing you know Batman grabs you by the arm delicately, gets you back up on your feet and tells you « follow me, and cover your face » and so…you did exactly that. 

What else was there to do ? He was the goddamn Batman, of course you were gonna listen !! You climbed in the Batmobile, floating in a weird dazed, not sure if this was real life or a wacky dream. 

The windows were blacked out, and you couldn’t see a thing, but after a short drive, the back door opened again on Batman and Robin, and you were in...the Batcave ? 

Everything was so crazy. Everything was going so fast. That day was still a blur, and forever will be. Which was kind of sad, considering it was the day you met the love of your life. 

Dick was very reassuring, and smiled a lot. It’s all you could really remember of him that day. 

Of course you knew him only as “Robin” at the time. You had no idea who they really were, and Bruce didn’t trust you enough yet to tell you. 

But he still brought you back to the Batcave, which was a big deal. According to Dick, you were the first person outside of him, Batman and Al...Penny1 (whoever that was) to come down there. Of course, you had absolutely no idea where it was exactly, but it was still pretty cool. 

That first day, Bruce didn’t brusque you or anything. He just made sure you were alright, and when he saw you didn’t remember everything, send you back on your way...

You discovered later, when the shock of what happened finally wore down, why Bruce brought you back there. As the Batman himself, and his trusted Robin (who was smiling a lot) came back for you to bring you again to the Batcave.

And that’s when your world was turned upside down, as Bruce revealed to you that you were...a meta-human.

A few quick research on you (you gave your real name to Batman when he asked, not able to think straight), and Bruce discovered that your father adopted you. Your mom was your biological mom, but...WHAT ?!

You didn’t even know your dad wasn’t really your dad. That your mom had you prior to meeting him. Well, you were barely one year old when they got together, and he became the only father you ever knew. But this was quite a shock ! 

You remember Dick scolding Bruce for telling you the news so abruptly...But Bruce had his reasons. Because out there ? In the streets ? Faced with Killer Croc ? You did something, and it was impressive. 

You “repulsed” him with lightnings ! But when Bruce asked you further questions, it was clear that this was the first time it ever happened ! You were so lost, and so shocked...Thanks to Dick bringing back Bruce to the “real world” and telling him that you were just a kid, things got easier. 

Bruce apologized, and said he would do further researches to know who your real father was. Only if you wanted to. But hey, you had just basically fried Killer Croc (he owed it only to his thick crocodile skin to not have burned alive really) and this new power was scary, so yes, you definitely wanted to know who your dad was !

Over the next few weeks, you came back often to the Batcave, after school. To train. To try and learn your power. At first, nothing would happen. 

Bruce quickly understood that your powers needed to be triggered to work, and threw a harsh assault on you ! It got you knocked on your ass, but also made some sparks ! Quite literally ! 

But this little event ? It’s what made you discover the first kind of anger Dick Grayson could feel. 

The one that happens because he cares too much. The one that happens because he couldn’t bare to let anyone get hurt. 

In a matter of seconds Dick was between you and Bruce and yelling at his mentor. See, when he got hurt during training, it was alright. Because he knew what he got himself into, and he wanted to get better. But seeing you, a new friend, getting hurt like that ? It drove him nuts (years later, when Bruce got a little too rough with Jason, Tim or Damian, Dick would enter this same kind of anger, and yell at his mentor for his harsh ways, getting angry because he dared to hurt his little brothers). 

You didn’t even have time to get back on your feet and say you were fine, as your lightning protected you, that Dick was already yelling at Bruce to be more careful and blahblahblah !

He went from 0 to 100 so fast ! And evidently, Bruce was already used to it because he stayed calm and endured the scolding, the way Dick grew angrier by the second until he became unable to find words anymore and just groaned and threw things around. 

It was...Kind of scary. And very shocking. Up until now, Dick was that guy who smiled a lot, said stupid jokes and was in HUGE contrasts with his mentor. Night and day really. But there, as you witnessed him get utterly angry ? 

You understood that there was much more to Dick Grayson than the eyes met. 

And along the years, you realized that you were definitely right. 

From that day and on, you and him grew closer and closer, up until you fell in love. It was just natural, you got each others the most. You were the only one to see him for who he really was, and vice versa. And sure sometimes it was...”electric” between you two, as you fought and such, but nonetheless your love was pure and intense. And unbreakable. 

You grew next to him, and Bruce. You discovered that you were the Northern God Thor’s daughter and...Oh. But that was another story. For another day. Right now, as Artemis and Wally seemed shocked that you revealed that Dick gets angry quite regularly, your thoughts went back to what triggered him and turned him into a jerk sometimes. 

************

This first kind of anger actually happened rather often. And the main trigger of it would be a friend of his being hurt, while he’s in charge of things...

Dick, because he was Bruce’s first ward, first student, and was raised quite strictly (a bit too strictly at times, Bruce realized later), was often thrown in the “leader” seat. 

But he hated it. 

He always hated being the one people followed. He much preferred being a “side-kick” if he was perfectly honest. Someone who was there to support the one with responsibilities, to have their back, to make sure things run smoothly...he hated being the one in charge. Which is why nowadays, except if forced to, he was always the one to “follow orders”, the one that listened to Tim (mainly), and oh man he really didn’t want to take the Batman mantel. Too many responsibilities ! He always thought it would fit Jason, Tim and Damian better (plus they actually WANTED to become Batman, while Dick...but maybe that’s the reason why Dick would actually be the best Batman ?). 

Whenever he found himself in the leader’s seat, there was a clear shift in Dick’s personality. A shift that yet nobody ever noticed...Except for you (that’s why you guys fell so hard for each others, you were always reading each others’ perfectly). 

If he was there to help out, he would be the one to release some pressure by cracking jokes, making everyone feel better by acting as if he doesn’t take anything seriously...but if he was the leader ? He was serious, disciplinarian, and focused. 

It hasn’t always been like that, he told you. 

He used to be cheerful in the leader role too...but every time someone got badly hurt. Because nobody takes a guy who jokes that often seriously, and sometimes it lead to disaster. 

So now, if the life of everyone was weighting on his shoulders, he wouldn’t be “cheerful”. Then again, no one ever really noticed that shift because it was “normal” for them for him to be more serious, but when you knew Dick, the entire reasoning behind this was heartbreaking, really. 

Dick got incredibly angry, when he failed as a leader. When he couldn’t keep up. 

He punched more than one hole in Wayne Manor’s walls. He trained way too hard out of frustration often. Angry at himself, at his failures. 

Once again, this anger came from caring “too much”. From wanting to help, and save everyone, even if realistically, it isn’t possible. 

It came from his “positive side”, a bit naive. 

And those outburst of anger when something bad happened, when a plan failed or anything of the like ? They were shockingly violent. He would destroy things, and scream at anyone who’d try to comfort him, not able to think straight (Bruce discovered that the best thing to do was to wait for him to calm down, before taking his mind off of it all by some more “fun” training...Like playing basketball, for example). 

Once again, running his mouth faster than his brain worked. Not realizing he could be a total jerk. And being totally imprisoned within his own anger. 

Bruce and you came to know how to deal with him when he was like that. And to be honest, he mainly got like that only around you and Bruce anyway, as he often just went away to release his anger, knowing how he could get. 

Which is why people didn’t know how angry he could get. But oh man when one of this “fit” started, it was difficult to defuse. And sometimes, you didn’t even want to defuse it, because man could he be such a jerk ! He could say such hurtful things too, deflecting his own failures on others...He would always apologize of course, and with age he got better, but he could really be harsh, when stuck in this kind of anger. 

He just cared so much, he couldn’t accept failures ! Or not being able to help or something of the like ! 

Which is what happened today, when he got angry at you for wanting to come on the mission. Fear for your life. Fear that something would happen to you. Which turned into anger when he realized you weren’t going to listen to him and come, and that he was powerless to keep you safe. 

Feeling powerless, would usually do the trick. Make him vent, and let out his frustration. When he first arrived at Wayne Manor, little 8 years old him often got angry at Bruce because of this. 

Because he felt he couldn’t save his parents, and he was mad that someone like Bruce, who could have, didn’t do anything ! Of course he knew this wasn’t quite what happened...but still, he would get angry and throw tantrums, destroying everything in his room, and yelling at Bruce that he hated him. 

Bruce let him. Because he knew the pain he was going through, and because he knew he needed someone to blame. As he grew up, Dick calmed down about this, but would still get incredibly angry when he felt powerless. 

Or when something unjust would happen, as stated before...

All of that, was the first type of his anger. 

The one you understood, and was more forgiving of. 

The one that people caught glimpse of sometimes, on the battlefield and whatnot, but never took as “Dick Grayson often gets angry and isn’t always that happy-go-lucky guy we think he is”. 

That first type of anger, wasn’t quite irrational. It could get a bit ridiculous, because Dick had no limits in his anger, and would enter huge rage...But it was born from something you could understand. 

Feeling powerless. Seeing people he loves get hurt. Not being able to protect them. Failing. Being frustrated by injustices. Wanting to protect. 

************

Now the second type of anger he would go through though ? That was the one that actually drove you crazy at times. The one that made you want to slap him and that made you incredible petty in return. 

The problem with Dick Grayson was that no matter what he says, he is a pretty cocky person. A lot like Bruce really. Pretentious at times, sure of himself. 

And of course he has big moments of doubts, but he also knows his worth. He knows he’s good. He knows he’s smart. He knows he’s not just a regular guy. So when someone hurts his pride ? He can get a bit...moody. 

He’s a terribly sore looser. He will often say “pff, it’s just a game !” if he loses at something, while actually fuming inside. And if you tease him about it a bit ? Oh he’ll be vexed and refuse to speak to whoever annoyed him for a while. 

He could get incredibly petty, pedantic, annoying, during those little fits of anger. In fact, tne thing you always hated about Dick, was how much he could hold the grudge too, during those moments. 

Oh god it was unsufurable ! During arguments, usually if he was loosing, he’d get events back out that happened YEARS PRIOR and throw them back in your face out of anger. 

Like : “oh remember that time you accidentally zapped me with your lightnings and my entire leg was burned ?”, which would get you angry because he was trying to guilt-trip you, and then you’d get petty and a bit mean in return and...It was very childish. 

And it was a side very few people ever saw, because it only happened with people he truly loved and utterly trusted. With people who actually knew how to hit his pride. 

His friends at the Young Justice hit the nails on the head a few times, but he didn’t get as angry with them as he would get back home, mainly because there was always someone to defuse things (namely : a certain Kaldur who was the team’s mediator really). 

But when faced with you, his siblings or Bruce ? You guys sometimes were annoyed by his little fit of anger, by how easily he would get offended/vexed by certain things, and would tease him on purpose, just to rile him up. 

Now he wouldn’t get as mad as when he’s in his “first kind” of anger...but he would get so moody and bitchy ! 

Goodbye happy-go-lucky Dick Grayson, hello edgy-emo-complains-too-much Dick Grayson ! “You guys never listen to me” and other “sweet” things would be said a lot. 

He would refuse to play a game again, he would go pout in a corner, he would get very passive-agressive...Oh Bruce remembers the time Dick got mad at him for saying he should work more as he got a bad grade on one of his maths test, and Dick proceeded to leave post-it notes all around the house about how he couldn’t study more because he had to “save this person that night”, or “help Alfred clean the kitchen” etc etc...very petty. 

His second kind of anger slowly died down, as he grew up. It rarely happened nowadays, and when it did, it was usually because one of his sibling (*cough* mainly Jason *cough*) annoyed him on purpose.

When you met him, you two were about 13/14 years old, and he would often get vexed like that. But as he grew older, he realized how ridiculous it could be, and evolved. Or rather, he hid his frustration better (but everyone knew that whenever he lost at a game, he would get angry inside haha). 

There was less things to say about this second kind of anger, but you were pretty sure it would be the one that would shock your friends the most. Because everyone always assumed he could take any jokes (wrong), and didn’t take anything very seriously (double wrong). 

So seeing him get all worked up over someone insulting him, or someone being better than him at something and boasting about it, etc etc etc...it would surely be a huge surprise. 

This side of him is what initially attracted you to him though. The realization that he wasn’t perfect. Because for real, if he was funny and witty, handsome and always knew what to say ? That wouldn’t be fair. Too perfect. 

So the fact that he would get frustrated over the smallest things like that, it reassured you. Plus it could actually be super endearing to see him get flustered and puff his cheek in anger ! 

Oh you still remember when Jason said (knowing exactly what his brother’s reaction would be) that the Harry Potter movies were better than the books...Dick went on a rant that lasted hours about how wrong this was ! 

It was cute. Dick certainly never lacked...passion (in every area). 

Yes. This second kind of anger would probably shock people the most, and though it was annoying, it was also something that only you and his very close friends and family members were privy of, which made it incredibly precious. 

************

The way he got angry at you today, was a mix of both his angers. It started with the first type, as he was afraid for you and such, but ended with the second kind as he realized you were pushing his buttons on purpose, as you increasingly grew frustrated with him. 

Which meant he never quite reached the full level of the first type, and didn’t destroy anything (thanks god, your friends were already shocked enough that he yelled, so imagine him going on a rampage in Mount Justice !). But still ended up with him getting too angry, and you too. 

And now, as usual after one of his fit, he felt like a total jerk. Like an idiot too. He knew you were strong, that you were ready, and that he shouldn’t have acted as if you were useless (you hated that, pet peeve of yours). 

He knew he should’ve shown support, instead of yelling. But this gut wrenching fear he felt at the mere thought of loosing you...it drove him over the edge once more. He was now mad at not being able to control himself.

And as he got the plane down at the mission’s area, he felt like utter shit...

Once again though, you knew him better than anyone else, and as your teammates left the plane, you stayed behind, knowing he wanted to talk to you. 

“I’m...I’m sorry. I can be such a jerk sometimes.”

He says, bashful and ashamed. And he doesn’t have to say anything else, to say why he’s sorry...You understand. You smile at him, and it makes him melt. You take his hand, give it a squeeze, and say : 

“I’m sorry too. I can be a petty bitch sometimes...” 

He gives you a gentle peck on your lips, you smile at each other and everything is forgotten. The anger flies away, as nothing but love fills your hearts. Love and adoration. And knowing the fact that you and Dick ? It’s the real deal. And if he got that angry at you, it’s actually just because he cares so much about you. 

The crisis is averted. 

To be honest, you fight from times to times (like every healthy couple really), but it never last for very long. And sure he can hold the grudge sometimes, but it only happens when he’s angry. 

It never last long, and he always comes around (even if sometimes it can take him a while, like when he left Bruce to go off with the Titans...Then again, this was a big issues, so his anger was proportional to it really). 

This all thing of him being cheerful and happy all the time, making jokes and being witty...It’s a true thing. A good 70% of his personality is that. 

But the 30% that remains ? It’s his “darker side”, as Cassandra would call it (she spend WAY TOO MUCH times watching the Star Wars movie, according to Bruce). 

The way he can get irrationally angry, and so fast. Going from 0 to a 100 in a second. 

The way he can turn into a total jerk, and say things that are truly hurtful. 

The way he’s borderline arrogant, and doesn’t like to be wrong. 

To put it simply, the way Dick Grayson is, and always will be “The Angry Robin”. 

__________________________________________________

Well I hope you liked it and that it wasn’t disappointing.I hope I was able to...somehow capture Dickiebird’s “darker” side and all...it’s very difficult, that guy is actually super complicated and...yeah I wasn’t sure how to quite tackle this all thing. I tried. As usual feedbacks = very VERY welcomed, but more importantly in this new “Tumblr Era” : REBLOGS became vital. People don’t reblog the stuffs they like anymore and it’s slowly what kills this site. So if you enjoyed this story, reblogging it and sharing it is one of the best way to show your appreciation :). Like, for real, it’s important. Thanks very much in advance ^^ !

PS : Just in case you’re thinking “but you never reblog other people’s stuffs”, I have a sideblog with over 2000 followers where I just reblog everything I love, from fanfictions to the worst of shitposts haha. So I do reblog too, just not on my main that I keep fanfic and fanfic related things only. 

[vegetalass]

Serendipity

super self indulgent fic of m!Ortega and my female puppet named Lemon!!

I dropped my phone in the toilet (water was clean) after reading fallen hero and writing the first draft of this!!!!

Thank you so much to @jedimasteramell for beta reading, all their insight and tips made this possible! People whose names start with C unite!!!! ;)

Warning: contains self harm references

FH:R belongs to @fallenhero-rebirth

m!Ortega/f!Puppet - 1462 words

_________________________

Ricardo Ortega is not a man who believes in coincidences. He is also not a man who believes in luck. Kindness? Yes. Faith? Maybe.

But coincidences? Never.

It takes enough out of him each day just to watch Angie glitter in the sun, or witness Herald as he leaps from tall buildings and lives, that he doesn’t even want to bother with thinking about the other types of insane things that the people of Los Diablos can do because of some dumb diet pills.

This has always included you. Ortega knows that you can read people’s thoughts. He knows that you can predict somebody’s actions. And he knows you can enter into someone else’s mind. But that doesn’t mean he ever really thinks about why, especially since you’ve never been able to mess with his.

And that’s how he likes it, having this balance between understanding and ignorance. Peace and war.

Push and pull.

Ortega also likes you, and it’s both a good and bad thing that you can’t read his mind.

It was funny, at first. Watching a frail-bodied vigilante dance around the Rangers until they let you team up. Watching as you helped take down enemies that he couldn’t even dream up in his imagination. Watching himself as he fell into the deep hole that concluded with falling for you and then no one else ever again.

Even if he didn’t know it at the time, the world was dark before those days. The world was even darker after he watched you die.

It was as if the fucking sun went out with the Heartbreak Incident, and didn’t come back on until you came back into his life with it.

He honestly didn’t know you were still alive. He watched you jump.

Death isn’t coincidental. It can be explained.

And to him, you were dead.

He’d tried everything after that: booze, sex, pills… There’s not a thing you can name that Ricardo Ortega didn’t try. And damn, did all of it hurt. But it never once fixed him, and it took a lot of pull Ortega from that sadness.

He can’t say he was ever really cured.

Until suddenly, there you were. Back from the dead, like a zombie, or as he would insist later at your frown, like some kind of “Sleeping Beauty.”

Christ, he fell hard.

He knows he doesn’t know the half of what happened, or tries to understand that at least. But really, when has he ever really understood a thing about you?

You always act like there’s not a thing he could know about being left behind. Yet, you left him for seven years after at some point deciding as Sidestep to never let him in, either. He doesn’t want to blame you, but knowing you were reluctant to be with him at all hurt more than any kind of fucked up self-harm he could ever cause himself and ever might.

He was never reluctant about you. He never would be.

Because he believes in kindness. Forgiveness. Faith.

He’s trying to at least.

So meeting Lemon must’ve been some kind of serendipity.

She is someone different. Someone who smiles at him, and laughs, and cries, you know, when she gets hurt. Someone, who in all forms, is kind, and normal, and open. Someone who lets Ortega smile at her and take her out as though he isn’t a modded freak the public loves to fuck over.

Even though she always dances away after every single meeting; never to be touched, or violated, or broken, she’s never jumped from Ortega’s arms out a window into a world that doesn’t play catch.

But Ortega plays catch.

You always run away, too, though now you let Ortega kiss you more. But there’s that separation; the line that exists between you and grace, and everyone else. Lemon dances, and you run. You kiss Ortega, and Lemon runs.

Lemon is a variable, replaceable, but the difference is that you keep coming back.

That’s another thing that’s funny: That you even still exist. He hasn’t really gotten used to thinking that you always have, even after those long seven years. The fact that you still kiss him is funny, too.

Maybe it would’ve been better if you had died for real. Then he wouldn’t feel so guilty, or lost when he looks at Lemon and thinks of you. You could’ve stayed the sad and mistreated love that died in the Heartbreak. But you’re alive, and the two of you have to cope with that, even if living and loving is a cruel thought.

Because Ortega does love you. It’s just hard to keep it up when he knows you don’t want to be. Whether you actually do love him back is a different conversation all together.

He doesn’t want to call this girl, Lemon, “another.” He could never do that to you. But sometimes it’s fun to play all these pretend games, because at least Lemon plays them back, and because they’re the most painless form of self-torture that he is capable of. The kind of torture that he knows will never leave visible scars and that no one will ever be told about.

Lemon is good with secrets like that. It’s almost as if she’s not really there.

Too perfect, too happy, too... far away for anything past going on dates and smiling but never touching. He’s not sure if he even wants to touch her.

But Ricardo sees things in her, things that he could never voice lest God come down from his throne in high heaven just to personally ask him about. Though the crinkle of her eyes is different, and the color unfamiliar, her laugh is the same and the quirk of her smile remains etched into his mind as though the corners were turned up by someone entirely different.

Ortega doesn’t believe in coincidences. He doesn’t believe in luck, either.

So why is this the only explanation?

Why is he trying so hard to believe that it’s more? Like part of you sits with Lemon when she sits with him. This time, it has to be more than just another little slip made in one of his many attempts to finally forget about you and move on. More than just another admission that he still thinks about you all the time and can find your face in anyone.

Everyone.

But it’s never just that, is it?

Specifically in some random girl who bumped into him. He knows it wasn’t on purpose. Why would it be, even though it hurts?

But Ortega lets himself have this. Occasionally.

He lets himself think about marrying this random woman, Lemon, who is not you but has your smile, and same order of coffee and chocolate, and even the mirrored image of your goddamn forehead crease when he makes a joke so incredible that even you have to raise your eyebrows in a laugh.

It’s silly of him to think he could ever be normal, and that even if the timing is correct, Lemon bearing the ghost of your face is more than just a weird fluke.

His fault.

Mamà Elena would be disagree. Mamà Elena would be happy for him, and happy for Lemon, too. It would different, you know, after you, but it would be one more reason to make her happy and convince her that he’s finally safe and happy and well. Even when he’s not.

Even when he misses you. The old you. Mamà does too.

And when people get old, they expect certain things. Mamà expects good things for her son, and her son, Ricardo, wanting to laugh and cry, is no different.

Because after losing you and then watching you come back to life all bitter and still sad, it’s hard to stand by and feel hated by the very person you would die for.

Ricardo loves you. He really, truly does. But he’s learning to care for himself, too. To stop waiting for people who do not want him. And one day, he will run out of time.

But that’s fine, because when looking at Lemon is a temporary pleasure and reminding him of the old you, he allows himself to think of her. To think of what could be, had a part of him not died with the old you. He also allows himself to think of you after that, and forgive you for running away.

And though Lemon is a sweet dream in place of you, Ortega still cannot say that he believes in coincidences, because just as she dances away and never wants to go farther, at least he can say you came back.

Because it’s peace and war. Push and pull.

And he can’t be mad at you for trying.

[itsmarianstories]

All good things come in threes

[Taegiseok Oneshot]

Sequel to ‘Focus’ (it’s not necessary to read Focus first!)

Taehyung loves his best friend Jimin, but he doesn’t love that Jimin keeps dragging him to boxing matches. That may or may not change once he meets a certain boxing coach… The only problem: said boxing coach already has a boyfriend.

Moodboard

Part 2

Word count: 8.892

Tags: Polyamory, (mostly) Fluff, a bit of Angst, Food poisoning (just in case anyone is uncomfortable with that…), in this part is a scene where it gets a bis physical if you know what I mean, but it’s not really smut, there are some smut references tho

Okay, cut that. He regrets his decision. Holy. Fuck. He regrets his words so much. Why couldn't he just have choked on the spot and died instead of letting his traitor-tongue spill the words for his eternal agony.

It was Friday already and Taehyung had to be over at Jimins in an hour. Currently he was having a minor breakdown in front of his closet while he himself wasn't wearing anything beside the towel he had wrapped around his waist. It was so silly. He felt stupid about not being able to decide on what to wear. He wanted to be unbothered and confident and just wear whatever he felt like (which were baggy pants and a nice, fluffy hoodie) but whenever he reached out for the clothes images of Yoongi and Hoseok appeared in his mind and it made his tummy do stupid things. It was dumb and cliché but he wanted to look good. Dress to impress. He can do that easily, he knows in which clothes he looks the best, he is not studying fashion and design for nothing. But he also can't show up to a casual evening like he was ready for the catwalk. Finding the middle was harder than he thought it would be, but that may also be caused by his nerves and sudden self consciousness.

He would have kicked Jimins door down long ago if Jungkook wasn't already there. It's kind of suspicious if he drags Jimin out now to help him with his outfit so he had to deal with it on his own, but he is also running out of time and... god he really has no idea why he is making such a big deal out of it. He has never felt like this before, he has never struggled with picking an outfit. This is getting ridiculous.

Tae slapped his own cheeks a few times and took multiple deep breathes.

“Alright, Kim Taehyung, stop being a douche and get your shit done.” He mumbled before finally reaching out for his baggy pants and favourite hoodie. So what if he looks like a trash bin? They probably won’t even look at him in the first place. Okay, that thought hurt more than it should. Taehyung shook his head and ruffled through his still wet hair.

He knocked on Jimins door a little earlier than necessary. Junkook opened the door.

“Oh! It's you! Look at this, I wasn’t sure you are still alive.” He joked and Taehyung smacked his chest before pushing past him into the living room.

“Shut up.” Taehyung mumbled, trying not to sound embarrassed. “Where is Jimin?” He asked and Jungkook followed him in the living room, flopping down on the couch.

“Still in the bathroom I guess.”

“Jimin?” Taehyung called out, knocking on the wooden door.

“Taetae?” Jimin called back, voice muffled through the door. He heard rustling coming from the other side and then the door opened, revealing his best friend. Taehyung immediately pushed in with a groan and closed the door again.

“I'm going to die.” He whispered to prevent Jungkook from hearing anything.

“Sorry Tae. They made the plans without letting me know or I would have warned you. To be honest I was a little pissed seeing they made plans in my apartment without letting me know.” Jimin explained, shrugging slightly.

“It's okay, it's just for one evening.” Taehyung said, although they both knew that was bullshit since it probably won’t stay at this one evening. It's not like Taehyung can make up excuses forever.

“How are you feeling?” Jimin asked, making a little jump to sit on the counter next to the sink. Taehyung snorted again and flopped down on the closed toilet seat.

“It took me like almost an hour to get dressed and now I’m wearing this.” He said and Jimin raised his eyebrows surprised, because he knows that fashion is usually a thing Taehyung doesn't have to think about.

“If it becomes too much tonight, tell me okay? We'll just say you don't feel well or something.” The dancer said, his legs swinging in he air for they are too short to reach the ground.

“I'll be alright. It's not like I’m madly in love or anything.” At least he hoped so. Jimin didn't seem to believe him but he also didn't call him out on it. Instead he jumped of the counter and pulled Tae up and into a tight hug.

“You are amazing Taetae. I'm sure it will all turn out alright.” Jimin whispered again his chest.

“You sap.” Taehyung said but his smile dropped and he added more seriously “I just hope no one will notice.”

“Don't worry, Jungkookie, at least, is oblivious to anything that is not concerning food.”

Soon after that they left the bathroom and found the living room already full. Jungkook has moved into the loveseat next to the couch, Yoongi Hoseok and another man that Taehyung doesn't know (though he looked strangely familiar) next to them on the couch. Jimin jumped happily in Jungkooks lap and made himself comfortable while Taehyung took place on the armchair in front of the couch. He pulled the knees against his chest and stared at his hands, not daring to look at the couple. For a few seconds it was tensely silent until Jimin started speaking.

“Right so just to the beginning, I'd very much appreciate it if you guys could stop planning things in my apartment without letting me know.” He scolded. Jungkook wrapped his arms around the dancers middle and rested his head on his shoulder, a small pout on his lips.

“Sorry, baby.” He whispered but Jimin only shoved his elbow in his boyfriends side. Jimin may be all cute and soft but when he's angry he can become really scary real quick. Yoongi chuckled a little at the other couple.

“I'm sorry, Jimin. It was our idea and we thought it would be most convenient to do it here because our flat is pretty far away and Jungkooks is so small.” The coach said.

“Whatever.” Jimin mumbled.

“Anyways, this is Namjoon. An old college friend from us and now another box teacher.” Yoongi changed the topic and pointed at the guy next to him on the couch. Taehyung finally looked up and found both, Yoongi and Hoseok staring at him. He gulped and forced his eyes off them and instead looked at Namjoon. He was tall with rather short hair and plumb lips. He waved slightly a soft smile on his lips.

“Namjoonie is one of the few people who can take Yoongi down.” Jungkook giggled.

“Yah! You brat.” Yoongi complained though he didn't really look offended. All that Taehyung could focus on was Yoongis hand lazily massaging Hoseoks thigh.

“Well, to be fair, you are slacking off. In the old days when you were still actively boxing I wouldn't have stood a chance against you.” Namjoon spoke up for the first time. Yoongi shook his head a little but there was a fond smile tucking at the corners of his mouth.

“Enough of that.” Hoseok said. “Namjoon you already know Jimin right?”

“Hardly so, we saw each other for a few seconds when he picked Jungkook up after practice.” Hoseok rolled his eyes and flipped him of with his hand.

“Yeah, so you have already been introduced just say that. This is Taehyung, Jimins best friend.” Hoseok pointed in his direction and Taehyung forced a smile that probably looked rather ridiculous. He waved slightly at Namjoon who gave him a full on dimple smile in return.

“Oh are you a dancer too?” He asked and Taehyung ignored Jimins quiet snort. His dancing is amazing okay? Excuse him.

“No, I'm taking classes for fashion and design.” He explained.

“Ah so you like, design clothes?” Namjoon asked and Taehyung nodded.

“And he is super talented!” Hoseok exclaimed brightly. Taehyung stared at him a little confused and when Hoseok returned his gaze something changed in his eyes but Taehyung couldn't quite put a name on it.

“Yoongi told me about your drawings.” He said and Taehyungs lungs felt like they were imploding. His eyes widened almost comically as they jumped between Yoongi and Hoseok.

“Oh did he show you his drafts? They are so good right? I already made him promise me, once he is a famous designer I want free clothes.” Jimin chirped up. Yoongi ripped his eyes from the intense staring to look at Jimin.

“He didn't really show me. It was more of an accident, but I agree.” He turned back to look at Taehyung. “They are really good. I liked the details.” The former boxer added and Taehyung thought he would throw up any second.

“Ah, okay.” Jimin said, sensing that something was going on here. “Taetae.” He called and snapped Taehyung out of his trance.

“Come, help me get some snacks, will you?” Jimin smiled and Taehyung nodded stronger than necessary, already jumping out of the seat and basically fleeing into the kitchen.

“What was that all about? Are you okay?” Jimin whispered once they were out of the otheres possible eavesdrop radius. Taehyung sighed and rubbed a hand over his face.

“I kinda doodled Yoongi as model for a few designs and he saw it. I wasn't sure if he recognized himself but apparently...” Jimin hummed as he went through his shelves to gather a few snacks as well as drinks and glasses.

“Tae I think you really should reconsider your choice of hiding what you feel for them.” He suddenly said and Taehyung gaped at him.

“What?” He whisper-hissed. “Are you kidding? I-"

“Tae, did you not see how they just stared at you? Either you doodled Mona Lisa  or they like you more than you think.” Taehyung scoffed.

“Don't be ridiculous.” Tae mumbled because he couldn’t allow himself to believe it. He just couldn't. He couldn't hope.

“Tae-" Jimin started again but Taehyung cut him of.

“No Jimin, please just drop it.” He said, grabbed the snacks and left without another word. He heard Jimins sigh but decided to ignore it. When he returned to the group he found that quite the awkward tension has suddenly clouded the air and all eyes landed on him. He wondered if something happened while he and Jimin were in the kitchen or if it was just so obvious how uncomfortable he was earlier. He cleared his throat and put the snacks down on the small coffee table in the middle, feigning cluelessness.

Jimin followed him seconds after and flopped down in Jungkooks lap again. Taehyung eyed the couple with something he would later recognize as longing. Not in a creepy kind of way but a 'I want what you have' kind of way and he felt awful for it.

Anyways they actually started playing games soon after. Starting of with monopoly but Jungkook soon flipped the board from the table when he had to pay rent to Yoongi for the fifth time. So they moved on to Uno and this time Jungkook won with a happy grin and frequent reminders what losers the others were. Hoseok became second and Taehyung thought the little dance the older did when he put down the last card was the most adorable thing he has ever seen.

The evening goes on and everything actually goes smooth to the point where Taehyung is actually surprised and enjoying himself. He pretends he doesn’t steal quick glances at the couple every once in a while and that his heart doesn't squeeze whenever the couple is sharing a moment.

They play a quantum of games and eventually Jungkook suggest to play charade. Jimin, Hoseok and Namjoon immediately agree. Yoongi seems rather displeased but he goes along with it anyway.

“We need to make teams.” Jungkook said. Jimin frowned a little.

“Let's just split up. Taehyungie can be in our team and Namjoonie in Hoseokie and Yoongis team.” The dancer said and Taehyung knew why he said that.

“That's boring we should draw lots and let fate decide.” Hoseok protested and as the stubborn energy-bundle that he is, of course he gets his way. So they draw lot’s and of course Taehyung ends up in a Team with Yoongi and Hoseok because fate hates him. Or the author who is writing a very shitty fanfiction that is his live is very sadistic, whatever. He just smiles and pretends to be fine and so they start brainstorming for words. Hoseok giggles at the words he is writing down and Yoongi just grins evilly and suddenly Taehyung is glad to be in their team.

He forgot about his stupid crush for a while and just enjoyed goofing around with his friends. It was loud and chaotic, but it was exactly what Taehyung needed after those last weeks. At some point it was Yoongis turn to portray a word. Taehyung and Hoseok both screamed words that didn't even match, hyping each other up even more. When Taehyung actually guessed correctly Yoongi threw both arms in the air and let out a rather high pitched scream, or more so the mix of a squeal and a laugh. Is eyes disappearing as bunch up in his bright gummy smile. Hoseok started screaming too because this was the last word and made them win the game. The couple pulled him in a group hug and it felt so natural that Taehyung held his breath for a moment.

And suddenly he was back on earth, his heartbeat picked up, his breathing became more of a silent panting, his hands started sweating again.

Really he can't say why it suddenly hit him like that. It was just a hug goddamn. But somehow that seemed to make something click in his mind and everything became too much. To be honest he doesn’t really remember leaving but suddenly his knees hit cold tiles and when he looked up he found himself in the bathroom.

He could hear voices from outside the door.

“I don't think that is a good idea.” “You have to trust me on this. Please, just let me talk to him.”

Taehyung froze. Not good. He can't handle talking to anyone right now.

Two soft knocks on the door and a single sob escaped Taehyungs throat. He didn't even realize he started crying.

“Tae.” Yoongi said and Taehyung bit in the back of his hand. “Please let me in.”

It's not even locked but Yoongi didn't try to open the door without Taehyungs consent.

“I... I'll be back soon.” He choked out but it didn't sound believable at all.

“Taehyung please.” Yoongi tried again and maybe Taehyung is a little masochist, or maybe he is tired from hiding and running away but instead of sending the older away he just whispers

“It's open anyway.” At first he hoped that Yoongi didn't hear it. Of course he did and the door opened few seconds later. Taehyung was still kneeling on the ground, his back to the door so he didn't see Yoongi before he felt him.

Big, warm hands brushing lightly over his back. He tensed a bit but his body reflexively pressed against the hand, searching for the contact.

“I'm sorry, if we overstepped.” The boxer mumbled, his voice almost more of a growl. Tae only shook his head.

“This... it's not like... it's not your fault.” Yoongis hands slowly wandered up his back and to his shoulder, turning him around and Taehyung looked at him for a second but the concern in the olders eyes made his heart clench so he lowered his eyes again.

“Please talk to me. Tell me what's wrong.” Yoongi said but Taehyung only shook his head again. He could never say it. Even if he wanted to, the words would stuck in his throat.

Yoongi scooped a bit closer, cupping Taehyungs face and forcing him to look up.

“What are you scared of?”Yoongi asked. Tae felt his bottom lip wobble as new tears found their way into his eyes.

“I... I can't-" He saw Yoongi frown before he pulled the younger into his embrace and Taehyung hated how much he loved it. How much he loved the warmth and Yoongis scent. And how safe he felt. It made him so weak and he melted against Yoongis chest.

“You can tell me, Tae. I'm not blind I noticed how you behaved the last few weeks. How you avoided us.” Taehyung immediately froze. Was he really that obvious? Were his efforts all for nothing after all?

“It's okay you can talk to me.” Yoongi repeated. Taehyung fisted his hands in Yoongis sweater and hid his face in the olders neck. He didn't know what to do. Should he really just confess? Make up a lie? Change the subject?

Eventually he pulled away and finally met Yoongis eyes.

“I'm sorry.” He mumbled. “For avoiding you and being weird and a mess. It's not you I swear. I'm sorry if I made you worry, to be honest I didn't think you would notice.” He admitted and after a short moment of considering and another moment of 'fuck-it' he added “I didn't think you would care. I figured-"

Taehyung experienced a lot surprises in his life, good ones as well as bad ones. Like the surprise party for his 16th birthday that Jimin has organized together with some friends. Or that one phone call from his mother telling him his grandmother had passed away. Usually a surprise was either good, or bad. And Taehyung usually loved good surprises. He wasn't so sure about this one.

His eyes are wide open, his body frozen in shock as all he can think is “WHATTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUCKEDYFUCKFUCKOMGFUCK"

Yoongis hands are still cupping his face and Taehyung can still smell his scent and feel his warmth. He can feel the others hair softly tickling his skin. He can feel his own heart beat at the speed of light. Maybe it's his imagination but he thinks he can also hear, or feel, Yoongis heart but ever so slightly slower than his own. However, all this is kind of a blur as the thing his mind his most focused on is the feeling of warm lips on his. Yes, I said lips. Min fucking Yoongi is kissing him. In the middle of his best friends bathroom, while snot and tears are covering his face and while his boyfriend is sitting just a few feet away in the living room.

To be really honest Taehyung had dreamed about this. Imagined how it would feel to kiss them. Nothing came near what he felt right now, though.

In total the kiss probably only lasted a few seconds, lips lightly pressed together and parting again. For Taehyung it felt like eternity until Yoongi pulled back again and stared him deeply in the eye. It felt like Taehyungs soul would freeze in place.

“Stop apologizing.” Yoongi said and it ripped Taehyung out of his trance.

“What the fuck?!” He hissed and jumped up, staring down at Yoongi in confusion, fury, fear, pain. Basically, a mess.

“Taehyung I-"

“Why would you do this?” Taehyung demanded further. Suddenly he felt very, very weak.

“Why would you do this to Hoseok? Why would you do this to me? I was happy with how it was. I mean not really but I could live with it. You just ruined everything! Oh my god, you made me a cheater! Your boyfriend is literally behind this wall? How can you do this? You have to tell him! You know what, I'll tell him. He deserves to know!” Taehyung rambled and made his way past Yoongi. He wanted to leave but he froze with his hand hovering over the door knob.

“He will hate me.” Taehyung whispered in sudden realisation. “Oh my god, he will actually hate me!” He whipped around staring at Yoongi who stood up again as well and didn't look fazed at all. It made Taehyung even more furious.

“This is your fault! He will hate me and then he will leave you and you will hate me too. Oh god and Jimin will be so disappointed.” He started pushing Yoongis chest. “I will end up alone because you couldn't fucking control yourself, what is wrong with you! Why would you even do this in the first place I-" Yoongi got hold of his hands and held him tightly in place. If Taehyung wasn't so distracted by his anger he would have been in wonder over how much strength Yoongi has in his tiny body.

“Taehyung.” The older said, his voice somewhat stern. “Are you done?” Taehyung frowned.

“Done? What do you mean done? I'm-" He tried to shake Yoongi off but the older was way stronger than him.

“Hoseok knows, okay? He knows and he is fine with it. No one will leave me, nor you, okay?” Yoongi said, his eyes digging into Taehyungs soul.

“What?” Taehyung asked softly, like a whisper.

“He knows.” Yoongi repeated. “Babe, can you come here for a second!” Yoongi yelled over Taehyungs shoulder and hardly 20 seconds later Hoseok stuck his head into the bathroom. Taehyung stared at him with wide eyes, Yoongi still holding his wrists tightly.

“Everything okay?” Hoseok asked, looking concerned as he noticed Taehyung standing there like he has seen a ghost.

“I kissed him.” Yoongi said, as if it was the most casual thing in the world. Taehyungs head whipped back to him, and back again to Hoseok staring at them both in shock because honestly what the fuck is happening? Hoseok opened his mouth, closed it again and eventually entered the bathroom completely.

“Is that why he looks like someone just told him santa is not real?” He asked and sat down on the edge of the bathtub. Yoongi nodded.

“He thought I cheated on you. With him.” Hoseok snorted. Actually snorted.

“That's cute. As if you'd ever dare to do that.” He said with oh so dark eyes. Yoongi winked at him and Taehyung felt sick. This was all too much for him to handle.

Yoongi lead him over to the toilet and placed him on the closed lid before sitting down next to Hoseok and taking his hand, pulling it in his lap.

“I... I don’t understand.” Taehyung choked out, his eyes jumping between the two men. They both smiled and Taehyung felt weird.

“Have you never wondered why we showed up at the cafe so often? Your Americano is not that good.” Yoongi said and Hoseok smacked him on the arm.

“Aish, shut up you idiot.” Yoongi pouted.

“Let me explain, I have always been rather open as you may have noticed.” Hoseok started. “And I have also been rather open with my relationships. I noticed already in my teenage years that I don't always fall for only one person. I was in polyamory relationships before but they didn't work out and then I met Yoongi and it was enough.” Tae gulped. Was it suddenly hot in here? Yoongi tilted his head to the side and closed his eyes, just listening to what Hoseok is saying. The latter had a fond smile on his face throughout his whole speech.

“When I first met him, I told him that I might fall for someone else in the future and he was okay with it. We agreed that whenever it happens we would be honest with each other and find a way. I don't think either of us expected Yoongi to be the one to fall for someone else.” Taehyungs eyes widened as he watched a blush creep on the oldest cheeks.

“When Yoongi came home that one day telling me that he met someone, I felt so many things. I was kind of shocked to be honest, and nervous and maybe a little scared when he said he wanted me to meet them. But I was also excited because I saw that sparkle in his eyes, the same sparkle he had on our first date so I realized how serious he was.” Yoongi chuckled embarrassed and let out a single scream that made Taehyung jump.

“When Yoongi brought me to your cafe, I was literally so nervous and then I met you and,” Hoseok sighed, still smiling “ it just fit? Okay, at first I was worried because I thought you were only interested in Yoongi but Yoongi said I’m just being dumb. And when we continued to come by more often and actually get to know you, I was so excited. You just kind of completed us in a way that I didn't know I needed.” Hoseok started frowning.

“But then you started avoiding us and I thought you noticed how we felt and it made you uncomfortable. Then Yoongi told me about those drawings you did of him way back and I thought about everything a lot and I  remember how I felt when I first had a crush on multiple people and how scared and confused I was. I talked with Yoongi about everything for hours probably,” they both chuckled “and we decided to give it a try. You were already avoiding us so we didn't really have much to lose, so we came up with this evening. To this evening I'm still not sure if I'm right, or just hopefully assuming. Yeah, I just thought I'd be honest.” Hoseok looked actually nervous now. Yoongi let go of his hand and instead brought it up to his hair, gently trailing his fingers through the dark strands.

“You were amazing, baby.” He said and Hoseok snorted again, before they both turned to look at Taehyung who sat frozen on the toilet seat. Damn, this was so much for his two braincells to process. There are literally two hot guys sitting in front of him telling him they have a crush on him? Is this the real life?

“I,” he started but suddenly felt something drop in his stomach

“I really appreciate every thing you said just now and would love to continue this further but first, and really please don't take this personal-" He rambled as quickly as possible before jumping up, only to turn and drop to his knees for a nice reappearance from his lunch. God must really hate him.

“Oh my god, Tae!” Hoseok screeched. Yoongi was by his side within less than a second, brushing his bangs back and rubbing soothing circles on his back while Tae puked out his soul. Taehyung missed what Hoseok did, too busy focusing on not choking on his vomit.

“I-I'm sorry" He managed to slur out between his heaving . His mouth felt kinda numb but unfortunately it didn't block out the taste.

“Shh, don't apologize, love.” Yoongi murmured and Tae really wanted to appreciate the pet name but already gagged again. The small room was suddenly filled with multiple voices, Tae recognized Hoseok, Jimin and probably also Jungkook and Namjoon. Wow, this is just great.

Jimin flopped down on his other side, rubbing his shoulder. Yoongi flushed the toilet after Taehyung was done and Hoseok handed him a glass of water, which he accepted thankfully.

“What happened?” Jimin asked worried and pressed a cold, wet towel against his forehead. The dancer looked between the three of them but neither said a word. All eyes settled on Tae eventually.

“I uhm,” He coughed a little “I may or may not have eaten a salmon sandwich that I found in my fridge from like uh... two weeks ago.” He admitted sheepishly the whole room groaned.

“Tae, why are you like this?” Jimin whined and Taehyung wanted to make a joke but was rudely interrupted by another vomiting attack.

“You can stay here for the next few days, until you feel better. I don’t want you to be alone like this, you might smother on your own vomit in your sleep.” Jimin said. His only response was another aggressive heave though. At least until Taehyung was able to breath again.

“No, Jiminie you have practice and stuff. It's okay, I'll sleep on my side. You know, stable side position and all.” He protested.

“No, Tae really I-"

“He can come to us.” Yoongi suddenly said.

“How is that any better? Instead of bothering my best friend I'll bother the guys I-" He stopped midsentence when he realized what he was about to say. Damn this food poisoning must have an impact on his brain capacity.

“The guys you what?” Hoseok asked with a smirk and a brow raised.

“Nothing.” Tae quickly mumbled and blushed, gnawing on his bottom lip.

“Stop, both of you. We can come back to that once Taehyung feels better. Hoseok and I have kinda like, opposite schedules so one of us is basically always at home. We can take care of you.” Yoongi said and wouldn’t Taehyung feel so miserable right now, he would have thought it was hot.

“Okay" Jimin said “I guess that works. I'll come visit you, Taetae.”

“What? Don't I get a say in this?” He protested and it was almost funny like all three men said “No" at the same time. He huffed offended.

“You might be delirious, we can't relay on your opinion.” Hoseok grinned.

“I call that bullshit.” Tae pouted.

“ I don't know, that's probably just your sickness talking.” The older mused and Tae made an effort to punch him but Hoseok was standing too far away from where Tae was cowering on the ground and he was honestly too weak right now.

“Let him be, hope. I think he already suffered enough today.” Yoongi said, pulling Taehyung up from the ground. The younger whined in a silent 'yes'.

“Yeah well, I suffered the last few weeks.” Hoseok mumbled but rushed to Taehyungs other side to help Yoongi drag him out of the bathroom. Jimin rushed past them, heading to the kitchen only to return with a few plastic bags.

“Here, you know, for the car.” Taehyung grimaced and the thought almost made him vomit again. They said goodbye to Jungkook and Namjoon who were waiting in the living room and soon after he found himself in the back of Yoongis car, his head resting in Hoseoks lap as the older brushed his fingers through his hair. Man, this would be so nice if Taehyung wouldn't feel like dying right now.

“How are you feeling back there?” Yoongi asked with a glance in the rear view mirror, as if he just read his mind.

“Ugh" Taehyung groaned.

“We'll be there soon, it's not far.” Hoseok assured.

True to his words they arrived barely 15 minutes later and Taehyung realized that their excuse why they have planned this evening at Jimins apartment, was a blatant lie.

They helped him up the stairs into the second floor and Taehyung tiredly dropped on the coach as soon as it was in sight. He looked around in awe, taking in every little detail, from the poorly decorated window panes to the many photos on the walls and the kumamon pillows next to him. He loved everything about it. Especially how he was suddenly surrounded by their scent.

“Alright, we- Tae what are you doing, you can sleep in the bed.” Yoongi said. Taehyung frowned.

“Now, I don't want to-"

“You are literally sick did you think we would let you sleep on the couch?” Hoseok scolded and Taehyung was picked up again, manhandled really, and basically carried to the bedroom. The bed was huge. There was probably room for four people.

“Alright, we only have one bed, so you'll have to share with one of us. Actually I can sleep on the couch.” Yoongi said and Tae felt already bad.

“No baby, your back will hurt in the morning, it's fine I'll take the couch.” Hoseok contradicted.

“Can't we just all sleep in the bed? I don't want any of you to sleep on the couch.” Tae asked, already sitting cross-legged on the mattress.

“That would be quite cramped.” Yoongi frowned.

“What? Are you blind? Do you not see how huge this is?” He said and patted the bed.

“Fine.” Yoongi eventually said. They helped Taehyung get ready, things like brushing his teeth. He was a bit embarrassed but they took care of him so gently it made him feel all warm and fuzzy. Eventually he laid carefully tucked in, in bed and watched the other men get ready and it made something start bubbling in his stomach, but in a good way. Not the way that made him puke earlier.

Oh no, why did he think of that now. He hurriedly fought against the blanket to get up but his limps got tangled in the sheets and he initially winced about ruining the beautiful bed. At least he thought he would. Just in time Hoseok flopped down in front of him and handed him a bucket. It wasn't really much that came out, Taehyungs stomach probably almost empty by now. It's still nothing you want in your bed though. The forced heaving, the bitter-sour taste, the guilt and maybe exhaustion from today and the last weeks brought tears to his eyes. Hoseok went to empty the bucket and Taehyung felt so bad about it. He wouldn't even want to do it with his own vomit, even more so someone elses.

“I'm sorry.” He slurred, tongue still kind of numb. Yoongi took Hoseoks place and Taehyung saw how he already wanted to protest again so he quickly continued.

“For being gross and noisy, b-but mostly for avoiding you and making you feel bad.” He nervously rubbed the sleeve of his hoodie over his sweaty forehead but Yoongi took his hand away and kissed it instead.

“Go to bed love, you need rest.” The older said and gently brushed his cheek. Taehyung unconsciously leaned into the touch and closed his eyes with a quiet hum, or rather sigh. Finally he laid back down and moments later Yoongi followed, crawling in next to him. Hoseok came back with the bucket and placed it next to the bed, just in case, before joining the two men on the mattress.

The first few moments it was still a little awkward but then Taehyung decided to just say fuck it and make the best out of this moment. He could always just blame it on the sickness afterwards.

He snuggled up with his back pressed against Yoongi and pulled Hoseok closer. The first moments were a little awkward but when the two men got over the shock -or surprise really- they kind of melted together into a big puddle of human. It was amazing how they could make their bodies fit together so well, like puzzle pieces that match each other although they are from different puzzles.

Taehyung relished in the warmth and safety the others provided and it calmed his aching body. He smiled happily when Hoseok pressed a kiss onto his head and whispered a quiet “Goodnight Taetae”

 Taehyung spend the next week at their flat and at first he still felt bad and protested when ever they did something for him. However, he quickly realized that you can't ever win against Hoseok and you really, really don't want to piss Yoongi off so he just relented and allowed them to spoil him. Once he stopped puking out everything that reached his stomach (which was after about four days jesus christ) they cooked him food and brought it to the bed or couch, where ever he was currently resting. They helped him change and shower (that was a really hard discussion with Taehyung claiming to be fine by himself only to actually slip in the bathroom and having the two men scold him the full ten minutes while helping him afterwards) and cleaned up after him. Hell, Yoongi even picked up some notes a classmate wrote for him over the classes he missed.

With every day Taehyung felt himself falling a little deeper and at the fourth day he was sure this was not just a stupid crush anymore. He had enough time to think about everything Hoseok said in Jimins bathroom and while he still wondered how the fuck they could actually like him back, he also wasn't stupid okay. Now that he knew (and had a lot of free time) he started to notice small things, like the lingering touches, the fond stares, besides from the obvious. Yoongi almost ever only called him by some pet name and Hoseok hugged or cuddled him whenever he got the chance to. Besides, who would go out all of their way to care for a sick person when they don't even know them that long?

The exciting and giddy feeling from the beginning, the 'oh my gosh they like me back what the fuckedy' has changed to a current state of warmth that was lazily pooling in his stomach, more of a 'wow look at these beautiful men, yep I scored them'. And yes, he does realize that he hasn't really scored them yet, but he was determined to change that, now that he didn't feel like puking on their feet every ten minutes anymore. He actually prepared a speech, wanting to be ready so that everything goes smoothly and he waited for them both to be home. Hoseok usually worked in the early morning and came home around afternoon while Yoongi started around late noon and came back in the evening.

Taehyung was sitting on the couch, cross-legged, a pillow in his lap and watching some drama on Netflix while Hoseok was preparing dinner. The kitchen and the living room were one big opening so Taehyung was able to watch Hoseok work and damn if that wasn't one of the hottest things he has ever seen. So yeah, he didn't really focus on the drama, like at all. He also was kinda nervous and tried really hard not to let it show. Taehyung was glad as well as scared when Yoongi entered with a groan.

“Hey babe, hard day?” Hoseok asked. Yoongi came over and greeted him with a kiss. It was sickeningly domestic and Taehyung loved everything about it.

“Mhmm, it's getting better.” Yoongi mumbled against his boyfriends lips. Taehyung didn't understand why he suddenly blushed.

“Go get changed, dinner is ready and your clothes smell of sweat.” Hoseok said, petting Yoongis chest.

“Aye, aye, sir.” The boxer replied and made his way over to the bedroom but not before coming over to him and leaving a gentle kiss on Taehyungs hair. The younger couldn't help but beam. Yoongi probably didn't see it, but Hoseok did and returned it with a fond expression. It motivated Taehyung even more to have That Talk and he decided to approach it after dinner.

 “So, I'm not puking anymore.” Wow, Tae-dumbass-hyung, great start.

“Mhm, we noticed.” Hoseok mused, amused.

“It's just, I can probably return home soon and...” Damn where did his speech go? Why was this suddenly so hard?

“And...?” Yoongi asked.

“Well... I wanted to thank you guys. You really did so much for me, I don't know how to make it up to you.” He started to pick on the hem of his (Yoongis) sweater.

“You know we don't want you to do that anyway.” Hoseok scolded.

“Y-Yeah. On that note... I thought a lot about what you said, you know in the bathroom before I.... yes anyways. To say I was surprised would be the biggest understatement, I really...” He sighed frustrated, this is not how he wanted to do this. He took a deep breath and faced Yoongi.

“You know that night, where Jungkook fought that dude who harassed Jimin? And you were so angry at him for fighting like that, I was really amazed then. I always hated violence and everything having to do with it so I kind of just put you in that box as well. I judged you without even knowing you and you just went and threw those prejudices away just like that. It really impressed me but I didn’t allow myself to dwell on it too much because I knew you had a boyfriend. But then I got to know both of you and I really don't know when it happened but at some point I realized that... that my feelings were becoming a little more than what they should. And I kind of panicked because I was so sure you would be disgusted if you were to ever find out so I tried to minimize the contact. I didn't ever think there could be a possibility of you liking me back.” The two men stared at him with something close to awe and Taehyung really wanted to hug them.

“A-And I don't know how we should proceed from here, I have never been in this situation before, so I don't really know what to do. I just know that I really, really like you, both of you.” He mumbled those last words, suddenly feeling a lot more shy again. It was so relieving to let it out, to finally admit it. It felt like he had spent too much time underwater and was now finally able to breath again.

“Well, I've been in poly relationships before but everyone is different and needs different dynamics according to everyone’s comfort zone, so this is new to all of us.” Hoseok said, completely casually, like this was just some everyday conversation.

“R-Relationship?” Taehyung gasped. Technically this was the logical next step after they had confessed to each other, but it still felt kind of surreal to him.

“If that's what everyone wants of course.” Yoongi spoke up. He was a little more itchy and it was honestly adorable. Taehyung pulled his knees to his chest and rested his head on it.

“I don't know.” Taehyung whispered. “I mean I want to but... I’m scared.” Hoseok and Yoongi moved to sit on his left and right.

“It's okay to be scared.” Hoseok said and ran his fingers through Taehyungs hair, pushing his bangs out of his eyes.

“Can we take things slow?” He mumbled, suddenly feeling very young compared to the other man.

“Of course. We don't have to label anything, we can just spend some time together and see how it goes, okay?” Yoongi assured, his hand caressing Taehyungs thigh carefully. The youngest gulped and nodded.

“And uhm... can we not tell anyone just yet?” He asked. “It's not like I’m ashamed or anything just-“ Hoseok chuckled.

“You don't have to be so nervous, baby. It's okay, we understand. Again, this is new for us too.” Taehyung nodded. He felt a little shaken up, he didn't know why.

Yoongi then stood up from his chair and pecked Taehyungs forehead.

“Alright, let's clean up, then we can watch a movie or something.” He said. Hoseok stood up as well and moved to help Yoongi but Taehyung grabbed his hand. The older turned around a little surprised.

“Uhm... I already k-kissed Yoongi and I think it would only be fair if I...” Taehyung blushed. Hoseok chuckled.

“You want to kiss me?” He asked as if it wasn't clear. Taehyung turned his head away.

“You have to answer me, or I won’t know what you want.” He grinned and Taehyung let out a frustrated scoff.

“Yes, okay? I want to kiss you, happy now?” He pouted and Hoseok smirked.

“Very happy.” He said, while leaning down and pressing his lips against Taehyungs. The kiss was over in less than a second and when Hoseok pulled back Taehyung chased his mouth but the older shook his head amused.

“This will have to do for now. Go clean up.” Taehyung pouted again but did as asked anyway.

It was a couple of minutes and a bit of dish washing being done later that they found themselves on the couch together. Tae sat in the middle his legs draped over Yoongis lap who was lazily caressing his thigh. Hoseok had an arm around Taehyungs shoulders and used it to brush his fingers through his hair. The youngests head was resting on Hoseoks shoulder. He had no idea what movie they where watching but he enjoyed it no less. He still couldn’t believe this was actually happening.

The next following weeks they kept hanging out like that. Going out for dinner together, to the cinema, to the mall. Tae even agreed to go to box fights together or they just stayed at home. And it was great and fun and all but...

Hoseok and Yoongi obviously were a little closer and while they tried to include Tae as best as possible but at the same time he felt them holding a certain distance. It was like he was a third wheel all this time.

“We need to talk!” He blurted out while they all sat together around the TV once again. Hoseok and Yoongi froze and exchanged a glance.

“What is it?” Hoseok asked carefully. Both man straightening up on the couch. Tae bit his lip and stared at his fingers, a bit scared of their answer to his question.

“Am I making you uncomfortable?” He said, quick like removing a band aid.

“What?” Yoongi and Hoseok asked in unison.

“I mean I’d totally understand. You two had a perfect relationship way before I came and I just like, squeezed in. You can just tell me if that’s the case. I mean" he chuckled coldly “I guess it would kinda hurt, but I’d really understand. It was fun but I guess it just doesn’t really fit-" His sentence was cut off when Yoongi turned his face and kissed him with such force that Tae gasped in his mouth. Yoongi used that opportunity to slide his tongue in Taehyungs mouth. It felt desperate and needy and it was everything that Tae needed in that moment. His hands covered Yoongis that cupped his face, holding them in place.

“Don't say stupid things like that!” Yoongi whispered against his lips, giving him a last peck before pulling back.

“We wanted to give you time, to get used to everything. We didn't know we were making you feel like that.” Yoongi explained.

“But we want you.” Hoseok added, his voice rough as he turned Tae to look at him. “We definitely want you.”

And then he crashed their lips together too. And wow. It was the first time they kissed since that almost nonexistencial peck all these weeks back and maybe Tae was greedy but really who cares. He wrapped his arms around Hoseoks neck pulled him impossibly close while leaning back on the couch, causing Hoseok to basically lay on top of him. In the process he reached out to his side, searching for the other one of his beautiful men. Yoongi got the hint and took Taes hand interlacing their fingers.

“Can-" He gulped “Can we go to the bedroom?” Tae asked shyly.

“Are you sure?” Hoseok asked and chuckled at Taehyungs furious nodding.

Yoongi stood up first and helped Tae up, Hoseok following them quickly. Maybe it was a bit soon but so what. Some people fuck at the first date.

The youngest went straight for the bed watching as the other two looked at him slightly amused, slightly endeared. Yoongi crawled over to him, sitting down next to him and watching Hoseok. The latter smirked and took off his shirt before joining them. Tae couldn't take his eyes off him, he was so stunning. His hand went straight to Hoseoks chest, feeling the muscles twitch under his touch, the smoothness of his skin, his warmth.

He gulped again, looking up to see both Yoongi and Hoseok grinning back at him. Hoseok leaned down to kiss him again with so much passion that Tae moaned against his lips. He felt Yoongis hand starting to fiddle with his shirt and shoving the hem up to the point where Taehyung pulled back to take it off completely.

He then turned to Yoongi, motioning him to take his shirt off as well, leaving them all bare chested. Impatiently Tae pulled both of them down, wanting to feel their skin against his. Yoongi dived right in, pressing his face against the youngest neck and nibbling at the skin there.

“You have no idea for how long I wanted this.” Hoseok murmured.

'Same' Tae thought as he took his hand and interlaced their fingers. He was in complete bliss of finally having the weight of his insecurities gone.

The night flew past them, with their bodies dancing together none of them paid attention to things like time. Dawn had already started once they flopped on the bed together, laying pressed together in one small pile of human. Taehyung was absolutely exhausted and he was pretty sure neither him nor Yoongi would walk much the following days but he didn’t regret it one bit. He sighed happily, hearing even breathing to his left and soft snoring to his right. In this very moment he was so sure that this is his place, this is where he belongs, where he is supposed to be.

Luckily it was Friday, or more like Saturday by now so they could stay in bed and laze around all weekend. Yoongi was the first to wake up, probably some when around noon. He pressed a kiss to Taes shoulder and Hoseoks arm (since it was the only thing he could reach) and crawled out of bed with a groan on his lips every time his hip ached. Tae woke up only moment later. He blinked sleepily and scratched his head, looking around. Once he saw that Yoongi was gone he decided to get up as well. He carefully tried to peel Hoseok from around him and pulled up a fresh pair of shorts (stolen from Hoseok). He rubbed at his lower back with a grimace on his face when he felt the stiffness of his body. Yoongi chuckled once he saw him waddling into the kitchen. It smelled heavenly of coffee.

“Morning sleepyhead.” The older laughed. Taes hair was sticking up in every direction.

“Morning.” He mumbled back.

“How do you feel?” Yoongi asked and Tae made a grimace again.

“I’m okay, what about you?” He asked back, carefully sliding on a chair, watching Yoongi making breakfast. Yoongi smiled at him.

“I’m used to it. Hope is... well he has a lot of stamina, you know.” Yoongi said and Tae snorted.

“Yeah, I noticed. I came like three times while he just kept going.”

“I know, I was there too.”Yoongi chuckled and looked at something behind Tae. A grin spread on his face. Tae turned around to see Hoseok stumbling into the room, scratching on his bare chest, eyes barely open. He walked over to Tae and slung his arms over his shoulders from behind and buried his face in his neck. Tae giggled as Hoseok started to nibble at his neck.

“How are my two lovely boyfriends?” Hoseok murmured against Taes skin. Technically they never officially agreed to be boyfriends but no one said anything against it.

“We are fine, hope.” Yoongi laughed and handed both of the a cup of coffee.

“I’m sorry for last night, I got a bit carried away.” Hoseok mumbled and started to massage Taes lower back. Yoongi walked around the kitchen isle and joined the pair. Tae pulled him onto his lap and Hoseok slung his free arm around his middle.

“We are gonna make this work, right?” Tae asked quietly and snuggled closer to Yoongi. The older hummed lowly.

“I think we will. We just have to promise each other to be honest and speak up if something bothers us. Like you did yesterday.” Yoongi stated.

“That was really brave of you.” Hoseok agreed, pressing a kiss to Taes hair.

“Stop!” Tae giggled a little flustered.

“You know what people say,” Hoseok said brightly “All good things come in threes.”

Yoongi groaned but smiled anyway.

 [Bonus]

"Can you please finally tell me what the hell happened in that bathroom of mine?" Jimin pressed. Tae smiled sheepishly.

"A lot. Basically I was an idiot and you were right and I should have listened to you and been honest and all this chaos could have been prevented." He admitted, staring at the ceiling. Jimin inhaled deeply.

"I'm not saying I told you so, but that's exactly what I'm saying." Jimin pouted. Tae looked over to his best friend who was laying next to him.

"Maybe your bathroom has magical match making skills we didn't know of. Somehow both our love stories started in there." Tae chuckled.

"Hmm, maybe I should make a business of it. We'll just lock couples in there until one of them cries or vomits. What could possibly go wrong?" Jimin joked.

"You mean except of the slight chance of us getting sued?" Jimin giggled and slapped Taes chest lightly.

"I can't believe you'll have threesomes on a regular basis now." The dancer mumbled. Taehyung snorted.

"It sounds like a lot of work to be honest. Isn't it exhausting?" Jimin asked and Taehyung couldn't help but love.

"Hobi does most of the work, so it's fine. He-" His sentence got cut off.

"Yah, actually I don't wanna know after all. But I'm happy for you, TaeTae." The two friends smiled at each other.

"I'm happy too."

[Thanks for reading! :)]

[veliseraptor]

So this is a question I know you've talked about, but I don't think you've talked about it as such, like, specifically. It's this: What, if anything, are the major *psychological* changes in canon Loki from pre- to post-Ragnarok, do you think? Like we all know the events of Ragnarok changed him. But what are those changes, on an actual in-Loki's-head on a day to day basis level? How does his thinking and feeling change, if at all?

This has been another “sitting in my drafts for a while while I try to assemble my thoughts and put together a coherent response” post. So let’s see what I can do.

First of all, I think it’s really important that at the start of Ragnarok Loki’s had a break. Which...he hasn’t, for a while - after The Dark World he gets three years with some distance from his family, out of prison, not hanging around in the Void. It’s the first real peace he’s had since Thor. That, I think, goes a long way. He’s not, like, all better or anything, but he’s been doing some performance therapy (removing himself a little from traumatic things by retelling them in story form) and basically just...relaxing a little. It’s pretty clearly been good for him, all things considered. 

Of course, then everything goes to shit. Thor comes back, and within about five minutes things start going south fast. And just kind of...keep going south. And I think in the midst of that, Loki’s “better” kind of - doesn’t evaporate, exactly, but it does take a vacation in favor of Loki’s “well time to get back into ‘do whatever it takes to stay alive’ mode” style. So he loses a lot of that veneer of “well behaved” and reverts to form, because that’s how he’s learned to survive. That whole three years of things being fine start to look like kind of a freak accident that he was dumb for believing. 

Old habits die hard. 

I think there are two major jolts that wake Loki up, hard. The first is the elevator conversation, where...I think Thor is very deliberately giving Loki what Loki has kept acting like he wants. I think it’s very intentional on his part that he basically says “so, yep, you keep pushing me away, here you go” and Loki’s like “wait, what, fuck” because of course that’s...not what he wants. (It’s what he thinks he wants, sometimes, but mostly he pushes Thor away to keep testing, to find the limits of his patience and his love, to push and push until the connection breaks and Loki can affirm his own doubt. Loki loves self fulfilling prophecies.) But when they come true - and in such a casual, non-antagonistic way - that’s a slap in the face of “oh, fuck, that isn’t what I want.”

When Loki tries to stop Thor, I think the motivation is threefold - first, to stop Thor from leaving (and leaving him), second, to stop Thor from leaving on what he probably thinks is a suicide mission, and third, to save his own life. (He’s not thinking through Thor’s probable fate in this situation.) When Thor turns that back on him...I’m uncomfortable with seeing Loki in pain in that scene for a lot of reasons, but it does provide Thor with an opportunity to talk where Loki can’t needle and provoke and turn Thor’s words around - he actually has to listen.

And I think what Thor says is important, and the way he says it - specifically the idea of growth and change, the idea of predictability, and the “but you can be more.” There’s two prongs, here: first, Loki will never want to be predictable. That’s almost worse than being evil. 

Second, Loki’s someone who very much feels trapped in a narrative he’s created for himself. He’s stuck, and he’s been stuck since Thor, feeling unable to really move forward, and doubting that he can change. And here comes Thor, basically saying a) you have to change, or you’re going to lose everything, and b) you can change, you’re not limited by what you think you are. The first is a wake up call. The second is an opportunity, and more importantly, it’s an opportunity Loki takes.

And so he goes back to Asgard, to a possibly losing battle, and he goes back as himself, undisguised, and silly as it is on the face of it, that line: “your savior is here!” - it’s what Loki’s wanted for a long time. He chases it by trying to attack Jotunheim in Thor. He casts himself as Thor in an illusion he creates in The Dark World (and he uses the same pose there as he does here). He rules as King of Asgard, but in disguise as Odin. This is the first time that Loki deliberately dons the mantle of “hero” as himself. 

So at the end of Ragnarok, Loki’s basically decided on a role. He’s decided that he can have a place with Thor, or at least wants one. He wants to stop being predictable and change. To be something more. 

I don’t think that’s an easy thing, or a simple thing. It’s a start. I don’t doubt there’s still a lot of issues there under the surface - for Loki, for sure, and between Thor and Loki, I think. There’s still that insecurity and I imagine a lot of uncertainty - even just in his conversation with Thor in the mid-credits scene, Loki acknowledges in a way Thor doesn’t that he’s not optimistic about his welcome on Earth. Loki’s aware that his position is tenuous, and possibly conditional. He’s aware of how close the bad shit is behind him, and I think still has that lingering doubt of “is this something I can actually do, or am I just kidding myself.” But he’s decided to try, and not just because he’s motivated by anger or grief (as in The Dark World), but because he wants to do something different. 

And he thinks that maybe he can do it. That he can have an identity, of his own, as himself (not pretending to be Odin and watching someone else play him), that isn’t negative. That being Loki doesn’t mean being a villain. That he’s been limiting himself by defining himself in the way he has been, and Loki hates limits.

And that he does love Thor, and doesn’t want to lose him.

One of the things I resent Infinity War for doing (if they kill Loki off permanently), is not letting that carry through. But I’m not going to let this post get bitter.

[onmywaytobe]

1-50 do it if you dare

ohoho challenge accepted 

(also i love you omg how did you know i love to talk about myself)

(most of them under the cut bc I don’t want everyone to hate me lol)

1.What made you start writing?

My teachers always said I was good at it and tbh I’ve always made up stories with like dolls or stuffed animals or whatever 

2. How old were you when you started writing?

I was 12 when I started my first novel (and that’s still the only novel I’ve ever finished, how about that)

3. What was the first story you ever wrote about?

That first novel is what I’ll count, it was basically self-insert Merlin fanfiction before I knew what fanfiction was, and I changed all the names so nobody would be any the wiser

4. What’s your favorite genre?

I’m really into modern fantasy at the moment, like anything mystical set in modern day I love

5. What’s your least favorite genre?

I can’t do hard sci-fi, I wish I could but it’s too much for me

6. What’s your biggest strength as a writer?

Probably dialogue? I write a lot of scripts where dialogue is the only thing that really matters so I work on that the most

7. What’s your biggest weakness as a writer?

SETTING DESCRIPTIONS nobody knows what anything looks like anywhere and I’m so sorry

8. What writing projects are you currently working on?

I’m waiting for NaNo to start so I can get working on They Met in a Cafe, which is about an art thief who falls in love with the journalist who’s been writing about him

9. Who’s your favorite author?

I think I have to say Tolkien, he was just so iconic

10. Who’s your least favorite author?

Cassandra Clare. 

11. What’s your favorite book?

The Professionals by Owen Laukkanen (it’s so good)

12. What’s your least favorite book?

This book called Best Served Cold by Joe Abercrombie, it took me so long to read and it wanted to be Game of Thrones so badly but it just wasn’t

13. What’s your favorite trope?

MUTUAL PINING (gets me every time)

14. What’s your least favorite trope?

Enemies to lovers (unless done really well) doesn’t always sit well with me, but I know that’s a popular one on here

15. Have you ever gotten anything published?

I don’t think so lol writing is very much just a hobby for me

16. Do you prefer to type or write by hand?

Type, I can write much faster and closer to the speed of my thoughts lol

17. What’s your favorite literary magazine?

I uh…don’t have one

18. Are there any topics you don’t feel comfortable writing about?

Yeahhh nothing too graphic (in terms of torture, sex, death, etc.) I keep it fairly PG-13 except for swearing haha

19. Where do you get your inspiration from?

Literally everywhere, I’ve never had an original thought in my life

20. Do you prefer to write fiction or poetry?

Fiction, I am so bad at writing poetry

21. How long is the stuff you usually write?

Usually I give up around 15-20k into a story, which is unfortunate

22. How do you deal with writer’s block?

I either take a break from writing as long as I can, or I outline the scene as best as I can until I start getting ideas for how to write the actual scene

23. Have you ever taken any creative writing classes?

None specifically dedicated to creative writing, just the general high school ones 

24. Which of your characters has the most in common with you?

Of my current characters, definitely Cam from Descendants of the Earth, he is so soft and loves his friends so much and that’s just me af

25. Who is your favorite character you’ve written about?

I loved my character Colin from my first novel, Stay True, writing him just made me really happy (I think because at the time I was obsessed with Merlin, and he was the Merlin in my story lol) 

26. Who is your favorite fictional character in general?

I would die for Samwise Gamgee but he would never let me 

27. What time of day do you usually write?

I’m trying to get in the habit of writing in the morning on the bus, but it’s usually in the evening when I should be doing homework

28. How much planning and/or research do you do before you start writing?

Usually none at all, I just make stuff up, but for Cafe I’m actually doing a lot of research bc art history is fascinating and I want to represent cystic fibrosis accurately

29. What writing related accomplishment are you the most proud of?

I think the fact that I actually won NaNo last year while also being a college student

30. Have you ever dreamt about your characters?

No but I wish I could omg 

31. What is your ideal writing environment?

In my bed, under a blanket, computer on my lap, nobody else in the house bothering me haha

32. Which published book do you wish you had written?

The Forbidden Game (by L.J. Smith), that book influenced my writing style so much and I love it a lot

33. Which themes do you like to write about the most?

I think I do a lot of found family/ragtag group of friends stuff, and happy endings for everyone who deserves one

34. What is the best advice you have for a beginning writer?

Literally just write. And it will suck and you won’t like to read it. But it’s so much fun if you just do what you love and enjoy it while it’s happening.

35. What is the worst writing advice you’ve ever heard?

 Idk I try to avoid most writing advice, probably just anything that says “never” write something in particular because like….that’s ridiculous

36. Do you prefer pens or pencils?

Pens! I worry about pencil smearing.

37. What traits do your protagonists usually have?

They’re usually stale cinnamon rolls, like they used to be so happy and pure and now they’re cynical and tired. And everyone is so sarcastic, because thats how I am 

38. What is your ultimate writing goal?

I would love to be traditionally published someday, but I don’t see that happening anytime soon if ever

39. What is the weirdest thing you’ve ever written about?

The weirdest thing I actually tried to turn into a full novel was this series about a group of girls who each had different supernatural things happen to them (one was selected to be a fairy princess, one had the power to manipulate fate, one was the daughter of Hades, and one could go back in time)

That actually sounds really cool summed up like that but…it was middle school, it was not good

40. What is the most random fact you’ve ever learned while doing research for a story?

I just recently learned that having cystic fibrosis makes your skin taste salty, so that’s a thing

41. What would you do if you were suddenly teleported into your WIP?

Hug the heck outta Leo (he needs all the hugs) and also try to join the heist crew lol 

42. How many drafts do you usually go through before you finish a piece?

One and a half, I’ve never edited a damn thing in my life lol but I do usually do a read-through after it’s finished and fix some things that I don’t like before calling it good

43. Has your writing ever made you cry?

Not as such, but I’ve made myself really sad while writing Voice of Treason (which is a feature film, not a novel)

44. Would you rather have your WIP adapted into a movie or TV show?

Lol well since Cafe is based on a book within a movie I produced, I have to say that I’d want it made into a movie

It would also make a good movie tbh

45. Where do you share your writing?

Only on here, and I post finished (or close to finished) things on Wattpad

46. What’s your favorite line of your current WIP?

Well I’ve only got the one small section so far, but I really like this line.

She laughed softly, her warm, coffee-stained breath fanning across his face.

47. What’s the first sentence of your WIP?

Currently it’s “Leo nervously slid into the coffee shop, glancing behind him” but that’s subject to change once NaNo starts

48. What’s the last sentence you wrote?

It was actually for DotE, and it was “Logan watched and laughed, grateful to be invited into the fun despite declining the offer.” 

49. What inspired you to write your WIP?

This is actually my favorite question. So I worked on this movie two years ago with these dumb guys, and within the movie there was the character of this writer girl, and she was writing a book called “They Met in a Cafe” and throughout the movie you see her acting out these scenes from the book with her imagination, which takes the form of this cute guy (it was not a good movie lol)

Anyway I decided to take those scenes and basically write the book that she was trying to write in the film, but I’m gonna make it make sense and it’s gonna be so good (hopefully)

50. What’s your favorite thing about your WIP?

I love the whole concept of it, it really just appeals to my silly romantic sensibilities as well as my fascination with art and history in general, I just think it’s really fun

THANK YOU FOR ALL THESE QUESTIONS!! I literally love talking about myself so much and I was in such a bad mood bc my roommate has people over but this made me feel so much better so thank you

[redditnosleep]

P is for Prey

by kmcooney

Pretty prey, pretty pretty little prey

Welcome to How to Pick Your Prey: The Step By Step Instruction manual where you have the honor of learning from the master on how to, well, you read the title! But before we get into the nitty-gritty, let me introduce myself.

My name is Kate and I guess you could say that I have a peculiar hobby. You guessed it, baby! I absolutely adore killing people. Oh I crave the blood that seeps out of their veins, the air that escapes their lungs and that oh so charming way they beg for their lives (as if that has ever worked before). Especially with Darren, he sure loved to beg for help! Of course, he was my first “kill” but I guess I can’t really take too much credit for him considering he already had a knife sticking out of his chest by the time I met him.

I was a sixth grader just minding my own business when I stumbled upon Darren’s embarrassing pleas for help. He was SO loud and just SO pitiful. His squawking ruined an otherwise peaceful walk through the woods. As soon as he saw my little frame slide into view, I swear he shit himself from excitement.

“Please, please help me. I’ve been stabbed. My name is Darren…” he gurgled, struggling to get up.

He was making quite a mess. Blood everywhere, intestines poking out. Whoever stabbed him really did a number on him.

“Please go get help. Call your parents, the police, anyone. Please.”

But I didn’t call anyone. No sir. I just smiled and cocked my head to the side. His blood was darker than I thought it would be. It looked like oil—I wondered if it felt like it too…

“I need help…” the man said slowly. He must think I’m dumb. I’m not dumb.

My sneakers crunched over the fallen leaves, slick with blood. I was closer now; I could hear his lungs struggling for air. The stabber must have punctured a lung. Smart man. But he obviously didn’t do a good enough job.

I knelt before Darren and smiled. “Let me help,” I whispered.

Relief flooded his face right before the blood did. The knife was lighter than I had imagined, so easy to remove from the chest. And his neck, well his neck was thinner than paper—so easy to slice a neat line across. But I didn’t stay to feel the blood, no matter how much I wanted to. It would have gotten all over my jeans. And that would have made quite the mess.

It’s a shame Darren never got to see what I did to him. But you can see! Oh yes, you can see ;)

Step One: So you’ve decided to kill someone, that’s great! Trust me, it’s an awesome feeling. First things first, every hunter needs their territory, right? So find your territory, Simba.

Bars work the best. The dim lighting and the abundance of social lubricant usually make people trust strangers quicker than they normally would if, let’s say, you were at a park or somewhere normal humans go. The bar you pick should be seedy but not TOO seedy. Something right in the middle. A place that doesn’t have cameras, obviously.

Step Two: Never, ever, ever, ever, EVER pick the same bar twice. It doesn’t matter if you like the $2 draft special they have or if the chicken wings are simply to die for, you NEVER go to the same bar twice to pick your prey.

You may be recognized. You do not want to be recognized.

Step Three: Even though you don’t want to be recognized, you do want to look good. Put on a tight skirt, do your hair and paint your lips red. Look pretty, very pretty. Oh, and don’t forget to put the girls on display, they will be needed later.

Step Four: Ok, so you’re at the bar, you look hot as hell, now what? Well now it’s time to pick your prey! Set yourself up by a table by the back of the bar, somewhere where you can sit and wait. Grab yourself a drink (just one) and try to appear natural.

While you’re waiting, don’t read a book like a dumbass. Boys don’t like smart girls. They like to have the upper hand; they don’t like to be intimidated. So play on your phone like a good little girl. Personally, I enjoy reading this subreddit while I wait.

Step Five: Pretty prey, pretty pretty little prey. Who should you choose? Not the man surrounded by a group of friends, that’s for sure. You don’t want anyone to wonder where he has gone off to….or who he has gone off with.

How about one of the three men at the bar? Yes, yes they look all alone now don’t they? One of them will be perfect for you.

Pretty prey, pretty pretty little prey. Who should you choose? Not the fat, ugly one, that’s obvious. He would be easy, there is no doubt about that. He would simply adore the attention you give him, fawning over your every word and greedily eyeing your breasts with hunger. When you suggest taking him back to your place, he will eagerly follow like a little lap puppy. But he will be a bad lay. And he would be far too heavy to drag down the stairs later.

Pretty prey, pretty pretty little prey. Who should you choose? Not the handsome one, darling. It’s obvious you want the handsome one. And why wouldn’t you? He could make any girl’s panties drop to the floor with a simple wink, a caress of the arm. He would be a great fuck too; you wouldn’t even have to fake the grin spread across your face, the wetness between your thighs, the hungry moan escaping your lips. But you can’t have him, no matter how much you want him. His pretty little face would be splashed across the news the next day. Humans always mourn the attractive ones, always notice when they are missing. So you can’t have the handsome one. No, you can’t.

Pretty prey, pretty pretty little prey. Who should you choose? Ah, the one just right! Not too handsome, but not entirely unattractive either—right in the middle. He will appreciate your attention but he won’t embarrass himself fawning over you. He will have a typical office job (they always do), a typical life, a typical house, a typical dick.

He won’t be missed.

Step Six: Stalk your pretty little prey. Watch what he drinks, when he drinks, how he moves his hands. Watch him for 20 minutes—no longer, no less.

Step Seven: Looks like you finished your drink! It’s time to get a new one, yes? Head to the bar and squeeze in next to him, touching his shoulder lightly. He will notice you (they always do).

Step Eight: Grab the bartender’s attention but ignore your prey. Ask for a beer, a cheap one. Then lean back slightly, giving your prey the perfect chance to check you out. If he’s not already checking you out by now, adjust your bra strap. That usually gets the guys going.

Step Nine: Grab your beer and fumble for your wallet, making a big show about how you can’t seem to find the $2 you need for your beer. Look sheepish, embarrassed, like a damsel in distress. Your prey will notice, of course he will notice. And he will wave the bartender down and tell him that he’s got you covered like the little hero he is. Because, of course, he wants to talk to you. They always want to talk to you.

Step Ten: You oblige for one hour.

Step Eleven: Don’t shit where you eat! Meaning: don’t kill your prey at the bar. That would be downright silly (and messy). Also, don’t actually shit where you eat. That’s just disgusting. Where did that term even come from? People are sick.

Tell your prey that you should be leaving soon, that you have SUCH a busy day tomorrow but he’s really made your night enjoyable. Your prey will look disappointed; he thought he would be getting lucky tonight. That’s when you smile and ask him if he would like to head back to your place for a little nightcap. His face will light up, his dick will grow hard. You’ll leave hand in hand.

Step Twelve: Take him to your “apartment.” Though it’s not really your apartment, of course. It’s really your landlord’s apartment. But it’s ok, she won’t find out. Her body is buried in the backyard under those petunias she always loved so much.

Pretty prey, pretty pretty little prey. It’s almost time!

Step Thirteen: Lock the door behind you both and offer him a drink. He will say yes. Leave him in the living room while you fix two drinks. One will have a hefty dose of roofies (among other things). Don’t drink that one.

Step Fourteen: Make sure he has finished all of his drink, down to the last drop.

Step Fifteen: Seduce.

Step Sixteen: Undress.

Step Seventeen: Fuck him.

Step Eighteen: He will finish before the roofies kick in, if you’ve timed it right. He will try to get up now, try to leave. But you don’t let him. You will push him back on the bed. He will feel dizzy, he will feel guarded. He will be confused.

Pretty prey, pretty pretty little prey.

Step Nineteen: Enlighten the poor dumb bastard. Tell him that you are going to kill him. Watch as his laughter fades to fear when he realizes you are serious. Watch as he dimly struggles against the haze taking over. It’s pointless to struggle, it’s pointless to beg.

“Why are you doing this to me…” he whispers.

Don’t answer. You don’t owe him anything.

Step Twenty: Straddle your pretty prey and reach for the knife under your pillow. You prefer a long blade, something sharp. But you don’t want it to end it quickly. No, you like to take your time. You love the feeling of digging that blade into his flesh, hearing him moan in an entirely different way than you heard him moan before. Pleasure and pain, pleasure and pain. You love watching him struggle to move, to breathe. Skin is so easy to tear apart, especially the belly. Slice him like a fish, unravel his intestines, keep him alive long enough to wish he wasn’t.

Pretty prey, pretty pretty prey. Time to die.

Step Twenty-One: Oh my, what a mess! Your prey is a bloody puddle on your sheets. How rude. How messy. It’s time to clean.

Strip the bed, snatch your clothes, grab him (well, what’s left of him). Throw the clothes and the sheets into trash bag (good thing you have a spare change of clothes!) Wipe him down and wrap him in plastic, careful to tie up the loose ends. You don’t want any blood to get out! Wash your floors and dust anything that he touched. Take a shower, a long one. You earned it!

Step Twenty-Two: Time to dispose of the body! This is the fun part. Take your prey down to the basement. A tub of acid works well on pesky bodies. You can find anything on Amazon.

Step Twenty-Three: After an exhilarating night, don’t you think you deserve a little fresh air? Grab the trash bag full of the bloody clothes and sheets and head out. Oh, and don’t forget his phone. You’ll need that too.

Step Twenty-Four: Take the bag and the phone to your coworker’s house. Yes, the coworker who is just SO annoying. They never seem to shut up, do they? That’s why they make a great safety net—someone to blame. Bury the bag of bloody clothes deep in their backyard. Still on their property, of course, but far enough away so they won’t notice. Paul is never one to notice the obvious.

Step Twenty-Five: Remember that cell phone? Good girl! Take it out and go through your prey’s latest messages. Usually, there is at least one friend he has been texting unless he is some sort of loser. But you don’t choose losers, do you?

Shoot off a text that looks something like this: “Met this guy named Paul O’Connor at the bar. Dude said he had this sick TV for sale! Hoping to buy it off of him tonight. I’ll send pics!”

If the police ever find the phone, Paul looks mighty guilty. Serves him right for calling you “sweetie” at the company meeting.

Clean the phone. Turn it off. Throw it in the woods. Give Paul’s window the middle finger. Leave.

Step Twenty-Six: Pick your next prey ;)