#this has been a wip forever I finally got the spoons to finish it

[cruisingheightswithdragons]

Got around to drawing my Spore creature that I’ve had since I was a kid, recreating it in my latest run!

Their patagium lets the glide short distances (usually between trees), and their large tail fin helps steer them in the air. The fin on their prehensile tail also has stronger membrane with grasping capabilities, acting as a hand.

Upon becoming a space-faring species, they rely heavily on alliances with other nations, usually in the form of spice collection jobs. They also specialize in purple spice in the trade.

[beaconfeels]

WIP Wednesday

The marvelous @lucky-bishop tagged me this week. Thank you!! I’m going a bit niche with this one, and posting from a shorter Deter fic I’ve been working on. It’s season one, and when Peter disappears from the hospital, Derek assumes hunters finally got him, but Peter comes to find Derek and takes him back to the house he’s been staying in.

“Stew’s almost warm,” Peter says. “Come sit at the table.”

Derek’s physical healing abilities mean he no longer feels wobbly as he makes his way toward the kitchen, following Peter’s heartbeat, but his insides are still chaos.

There’s a round table in the open space beside the kitchen, rich dark wood gleaming under a softly glowing light. He sits down on a chair and watches the muscles move under Peter’s shirt as he spoons stew into two separate bowls. It feels familiar and utterly foreign at the same time.

“Here,” Peter says, setting a bowl down in front of him before sitting down himself.

“Thank you,” Derek says, the words feeling strange in his mouth.

The stew is delicious. Full of hearty vegetables and the gamey goodness of venison. He knows he’s eating at an impolite speed, but it’s been too long since he’s eaten a good meal.

“You haven’t been eating enough,” Peter says. It’s an observation, not a question.

“I get enough,” Derek argues.

Peter just tuts, and pushes his own bowl in front of Derek when Derek finishes his.

Derek protests, but Peter rolls his eyes. “There’s plenty more food, pup. Eat up.”

Peter goes back to the kitchen and comes back with a thick slice of bread slathered in butter, and makes Derek eat that too.

Not that it’s a hardship. He suddenly feels like he hasn’t eaten in weeks.

Peter doesn’t get any more food for himself, just sits and silently watches Derek eat. It should bother him, but he likes having his uncle’s eyes on him again. If Peter is watching him, then he’s safe.

“I know you have questions,” Peter says once the food has been eaten and the dishes put in the sink, “but they can wait for one more night, don’t you think?”

“I don’t know,” Derek answers honestly. “I don’t feel like I know anything right now.”

“Then how about you let me decide, hmm? Just for now?”

“Okay.” If he has his way he’ll let Peter decide forever. He’s so tired of thinking. So tired of everything.

“When’s the last time you had a proper shower?” Peter asks.

”I don’t- I don’t know?” He’s been bathing in the creek at the back of the property for awhile now. It’s hard to keep track of time. Everything has been fear and instinct.

“Poor boy,” Peter purrs. He’s behind Derek now, combing his fingers through his hair. “I think you should take a nice, hot shower.” There’s a pause and then, “Do you need help?”

It’s such a stupid question. He’s a grown man. Of course he doesn’t need help in the shower. But Peter knows that too, doesn’t he. Maybe he can say yes even though he doesn’t really need help.

“Yes?” He can’t quite keep the question out of his voice.

Peter nods as if he expected as much. “The bathroom is that last door down the hall. Run along and get undressed, I’ll be there in a minute.”

[recurring-polynya]

Writing/Art Update 2/14/2023

Welp, the great "don't force myself to write when I don't wanna" experiment is over. I got real heckin' depressed and it was bad, so I started making myself write again, and it lifted. Perhaps it's a coincidence, I don't know, but this sort of holds with how the last four years of my life have been going. Trying to scrape dregs out of an empty jar isn't exactly fun, but it's what I gotta do, I guess.

Anyway, the good news is that I'm not being too mean to myself. I stole @bleachbleachbleach 's method of requiring myself to write one sentence on my WIP every day. I've managed to make it every day. One of the main things that happened (and this sort of thing always happens when I set goals) is that I realized that if I did only one sentence a day, it would take me forever to finish, which has pushed me to do more than the minimum. For the first few days of the week, I was doing about 100 words a day, which is still very paltry, but I think I've done more than that the last few days.

The thing I am working on is a story I started in 2019, which I have always been very fond of, except that it's a mess. The first paragraph is in a difference POV than the rest of it. It's mostly written in the present tense, except where it's not. Most importantly, it just sort of stops where I ran out of ideas. It's possible this was not the best possible project for me to dive into in my current mental state. I've been working on it, but I feel like it keeps getting worse 😂. Like, I re-wrote that first bit, and I just don't like it as much. Also, even though I know I should never, ever, never ever write in the present tense...I... think it works better that way? I'm seriously considering switching it back?? Also, it is primarily a world-building story, and as soon as I started on it, I realized that there were a bunch of holes in my world-building and it's been so hard to make any kind of decisions about anything. (I spent a week trying to figure out if this one guy has a wife or not. It seems like a thing I should just be able to decide except that it's also sort of the entire crux of the story)

At least I didn't have to start from nothing. The original story was about 2900 words, and my intuition is that the final product is going to end up between 5 and 10k. This is a great size for a story, the easiest size of story to write, and I'm honestly just mad that I'm so bad at all of this, and I'm worried that at the end of the day, the thing is gonna suck because I've lost my touch. Anyway, right now, it's 1768. It's nowhere near what I know I'm capable of when I'm on (when I'm really fucking on), but I'm faking it 'cause I have to, and it's going okay, I guess.

I don't know what's up with my art, either! I just don't really have any ideas I'm excited about! I did a tutorial this week with some pastel brushes, and then I turned around and did a Valentine's Day art project with the same brushes. I feel like it's probably a good time to do some skillbuilding, but, man, skillbuilding kinda sucks. 😂

The one good thing that did happen this week is that I finally made a decent loaf of sourdough! Look at these guys!!

They were so springy and good in the middle and nice and crusty on the outside! The secret turned out to be a combination of getting my starter more active generally, and actually following an every-six-hour feeding schedule the day before I baked it (the last feeding was ten hours because it was overnight and I had to get my kid off to school in the morning) It was 100% naturally leavened (no commercial yeast at all). I followed this King Arthur recipe.

The discard recipe of the week was Little Spoon Farm Blueberry Muffins, which were every bit as good as the recipe promised, if you like sweet, cakey, grocery-store style muffins. Little Spoon Farm is becoming my go-to for discard recipes, they haven't missed yet.

[galactic-pirates]

Yet Another Ask Meme: 4, 18, 36

Thanks for the ask!! :) :)

4) Do you have any OCs? Do you have a story for them? Oh sure lots. One's I'll admit to? Actually this is me and I have no shame about it so also many haha. I don't generally write OC's. They get such a bad rap that I save those particular imaginings for the stories I tell myself when I can't sleep, rather than ones I type up and post.

However, there is one exception that I just could not resist. I gave Jenkins a boyfriend in my and the Sins of Atlantis fic. Mordred. I don't know why maybe I just didn't like him having been lonely for two thousand years. I tried not to write it but I had such feelings about it. I... ok one day there will be (hopefully) a novel series written by me as a Camelot retelling. I have over 50k written towards it already (none of which was in that fanfic). I know, I know, Camelot has been done to death but hey there's a reason the Arthurian myth has been around for hundreds of years, it captures the imagination. If I want to write my take on Arthur's heroic death, and the uncrowned King Mordred and the Knight who would have ruled by his side, if Galahad's father hadn't broken the kingdom, then why not?

Admitting to sources of inspiration is probably not wise but I find OC's aren't a bad starting point for creating original works. Mind you the same can be said for fanfic "what if" as well. So long as pretty much everything about it changes in some form before the final version - well inspiration has to come from somewhere.

18) First, second, or third person? Third, always and forever. I have attempted to write first in exercises but it's not how I naturally think. From day one when I started writing it was always in third. I mostly only read third too. I will read first as I don't discriminate when I pick books up. However, I think I'm probably more likely to DNF a book written in first. I think I'm less forgiving or less used to it's foibles I don't know.

36) How do you come up with fic titles? What's the one you're most proud of? Answered here

(in recompense for not answering have another one. I was tempted to ask "Describe a fic that almost happened, but then it didn't." for you but oh merlin so so many and how to choose which to ramble about? I'd be here all week...)

20) Do you work on a single project or many at the same time? How does that work for you? Back in the day I used to have several WIP's going at once. Even then that wasn't the wisest as I got discouraged by what felt like slow progress (as my progress was split across projects rather than concentrated).

These days I have less spoons and I'm not really even mentally capable of doing more than one thing in a day. I would love to be able to write and draw in the same day but I can't seem to make it happen.

Anyway, I find I can't swap and change at all really now. So I focus on projects one at a time. For example I'm doing the Librarians gift exchange and I've had the assignment for weeks and weeks but I only started it last Monday. I spent March focusing on my novel and I regret all my life choices for that because an exchange deserves a quality product that takes ages to make (because I've had weeks to work on it) and I'm terrified it won't be done in time for the deadline. But I had to choose and I started drafting in January so the novel kinda came first. Anyway, I haven't touched the draft since I finished it, and I won't until the art is done.

It really is sad I can't balance better :/

[simsinlowspace]

Shop Local Part I - 48 Business Signs

Hi everyone! I apologize that I've basically been AWOL this week, and also that this project has taken so long, but I finally have some business signs to share! Swatches, (lots of) info and download below!

@gold33 requested some business signs a couple of weeks ago, and it's something I've been wanting to do for awhile anyway, so I was happy to pick up the project. @basic-fictional-simmer made an additional request when I posted my WIP for these, so those are included as well! I also added in some designs I wanted for myself, which is partly why this took so long -- I kept getting new ideas while I was working.

Here's a breakdown of everything you get (business name | tagline/additional info):

Cafes

Tea House Moon | Serving Organic Herbal Teas

Deja Brew

The Daily Grind

Florists/Flower Shops

Botanica | Floral Arrangements & Houseplants

Vickie's Garden | The Magic of Flowers (because TS2 garden fairy @tvickiesims needs a flower shop in all my towns!)

Floral Escapes

Hint of Spring Florist

Royal Roses | Elegant Florals for Every Occasion

Laundromats

Clothesline Laundromat

Cotton & Lace | Laundromat & Cleaners

Suds For Your Duds | Wash and Wait Laundromat

Boutiques

Pearls & Feathers | Lingerie and Sleepwear

Alchemy Boutique | Transform Your Style

A Find Vintage | Designer Thrift Shop

Wildflower Boutique

The Perfume Garden (this one ended up at the bottom of the second swatch because I was half-asleep while saving textures last night and I messed up the file order. Derp)

Jewelry Stores

Barenziah's Jewelry Box | Unusual Gems and Other Vintage Treasures

Now & Forever | Since 1912

Stardust | Jewelry Repairs Cleaning

Corner Markets/Quick Shops

Magnolia Market | Everything Fresh Everything Fast

Sul Sul! Dag Dag! | A One Stop Quick Shop

Sunshine Bodega | Cigarettes Lotto Snacks ATM

Grocery Stores

NatureFresh | Organic Grocery

Early Bird Grocery | Early Bird Specials Low Prices All Day!

Avant Gourd | Fresh Produce at Fair Prices

Japanese Food

Bashō's Lunchbox | Sushi Sashimi Tempura Hibachi

Just Roll With It! Hand Rolled Fresh Ingredients 11 - 8 Daily

Nori & Nigiri

Caribbean Jerk

Inna di Morrows | Caribbean Jerk Eat In Takeout

Caribbean Tide | Authentic Caribbean Jerk

Korean Food

Simchi Korean Restaurant

Boseong Tea Garden

Thai Food

The Sky Lantern Thai Restaurant

Dancing Thaiger | Traditional Thai Food With a Modern Stripe

Chinese Food

Shang Simla House | Fresh & Fast Authentic Chinese Takeout

Bamboo Blossom Noodles

Red Dragon | Sichuan-Style Chinese Food

Indian Food

Three Spoons Curry & More

Tandoori Palace | Indian Cuisine All Halal

Bombay Mahal Thali | Dine-In Takeout Open 7 Days a Week

Mexican/Tex-Mex

Aztec Eatery | Traditional Mexican Cuisine

Mi Queso Es Su Queso | Tex-Mex Takeout & Dine-In

Holy Guacamole Mexican Grille

Seafood

Crab Royale Seafood Shack

Oh My Cod! | Fresh Seafood Caught Daily

Smoking

Oasis Hookah Lounge

The Higher Path | Medical Marijuana Dispensary

Hollyweed | You Know You 'Juana Organic THC & CBD

What I have not finished yet are the "service" signs -- police, hospitals, banks, etc -- because I have some different meshes in mind for those (I love this mesh but it's definitely got a strip mall/shopping plaza kind of feel, and that seems a little sketchy for a hospital lol). They will be coming in part two!

These are on MogHughson's Illuminated Shop Sign mesh, which is BG compatible and is not included. You will need to pick up the mesh from the above link (I'll also link it near the download below). It is six tiles wide, but in case you want something smaller, I'm also working on a hanging sign add-on. Here's a peek:

Probably should have zoomed in, but I wanted to show how it looks with the big sign, and then I got distracted by my little courtyard. XD

Icons are by Freepik, piksart, Luvdat, NT Sookruay, Vitaly Gorbachev, JunGSa, Smashicons, surang, justicon, ultimatearm, paulalee, iconriver, YI-PIN, smalllikeart, smashingstocks, Agung Rama, Futeur and monkik. Huge thanks for all their fabulous resources!

Numbered versions of the swatches are included so you can keep just what you like.

Whew! Okay! I'm going to work on the last set of hobby posters tonight, although I'm not sure if I'll have them done in time for tomorrow. D;

DOWNLOAD (SFS) | Recolors are ~1 MB! 🚨 Mesh is not included! Get it -> here. 🚨

Lots of love, Spacey

[i-love-you-all]

Spoon-fed nights

A/N: I wrote the scene but it didn’t fit the longer story. This is the full version of the WIP with the same name. This is just one part of the story (the non-smut part). The full thing (with the smut) will be on AO3 on Aug 30th as I’m struggling while editing the ending. I’ll reblog this when it’s available.

Tags: Mature (Language, and themes.), Sova/Breach, ~1.4k words

It made Sova’s arms pulse with pain from staying in this position for too long. It took all his concentration and effort not to let his fingers tremble. His abdomen was slowly burning from holding himself up like this. He knew he was in good shape, but he could feel a bead of sweat forming on his forehead. He was extremely focused despite suffering the punishment from this task at hand.

All so none of the salad dressing would get on Breach’s facial hair while he worked on something.

It was laughable really, and if Sova had walked in on this, he would laugh at himself as well. However, when Breach really focused on a project, he gave up many aspects of his everyday life. Meals were one of them because it required at least one free arm to eat, and often made a mess on his worktable. And while he’s never explicitly said it, Sova worried on the days when Breach’s body finally caught up to his mind when he’d be in terrible moods while trying to hide the physical discomfort or his fatigue. So, something new he did with Breach whenever he was in these working frenzies was make sure that the man ate. He had his own stool at Breach’s work bench, carefully making sure the man was eating at least one meal a day.

Sova was also the one to start the sensual touches, or the sickly-sweet kisses to try and persuade Breach to go to bed with him. That part didn’t always work though. His willpower and stubbornness were both something Sova admired and hated.

The routine faded into a regular occurrence now, and Sova knew how to angle the fork so Breach could keep his eyes on his project. He knew how much food he could balance on the utensil without letting any of it fall onto the bench or Breach’s clothes. He even figured out that it was easier to dip foods that required sauces rather than let them be slathered with the sauce from the start. Breach hated when anything got into his beard and mustache. He always said it was annoying to clean out thoroughly, and if he wasn’t careful, it would leave a strange smell and irritate his skin when he shaved. For what it was worth, Sova had to admit that Breach’s facial hair was soft and always smelled nice. Sometimes, he would even use some of Breach’s products to shave his own face even though he refused the few times Breach offered to buy him his own set.

At least no one batted an eye when Sova walked towards the dorms with a plate of fresh cut veggies and a little ketchup cup of salad dressing. They generally assumed it was a Russian thing. While there was a sense of fulfillment in seeing a man so wrapped up in his own thoughts break out of it momentarily just to smile at him whenever he walked in with a plate of food, it really didn’t help how his arms were burning right his moment. It wasn’t that a fork was heavy, no, it was just that these feeding sessions took so long. There were moments when Breach even forgot to chew the food, and Sova would need to nudge his cheek. That, and it was such mindless work that he felt boredom often tugging at his thoughts. Thoughts like how he wants to try a new bow, or a new type of arrowhead. Thoughts like how handsome Breach was or how good he smelled.

He would tease Breach with the food if he didn’t think he’d be kicked out.

There was no doubt from Sova that if he proved to be more of a nuisance than a help, Breach would politely – or not so politely – ask him to leave. So, even though Sova toyed with the idea of jerking the fork away as Breach turned his head, he would never actually do it.

At least now right now. Eventually Breach finished off the salad with a little comment that Sova was trying to turn him into a rabbit, and Sova was allowed a quick moment to hold him and give a light kiss on his lips before he left the room.

“I’ll be back later with a snack before bed.”

Sova used the couple remaining hours of the evening to practice his shooting, being lulled into a pattern. It was familiar. The kickback of the guns, the smell of gunpowder, even the feeling of taking off the earmuffs and finally hearing everything without the muffle made him forget the time. Not that Breach would mind. Before heading inside to prepare something for Breach, Sova took a lap around the facility. It gave him time to think. There were fresh grapes Skye had offered him earlier in the day. They were truly meant for Sova who loved the taste of fruits, but he wouldn’t mind sharing the last few harvests of the fruit if it was with Breach.

With care, he removed the container of grapes, smiling at the smell of just… nature. It was a hard contrast to the smell of oil and metal in Breach’s room right now. Still, with care, he washed the fruits and walked back towards the dorms, making sure that he wouldn’t get spotted sliding into Breach’s room without even knocking. Of course, Breach was still working, and it didn’t even look like he had moved at all.

“Back already?” Breach spared a split-second from his tinkering to look up at Sova. “Has it been that long already?”

“Four hours, Breach. It’s almost midnight.” Sova took a seat next to him and held a grape up to his mouth.

Breach gratefully took the grape letting his tongue lick over Sova’s fingertips while holding eye contact. “I won’t be too much longer. One hour.”

So, Sova dutifully sat next to him, feeding him and lulling Breach into a pattern where he would look over mere seconds after swallowing the previous bite. It afforded Sova a close up to his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down with each swallow, a look into his clear blue eyes, and a closeness to the loose strands of red hair flowing freely around his neck and shoulders. It also gave Sova an idea as the end of the hour drew near. Instead of holding each piece of fruit in his fingers and having to suffer the feeling of Breach’s lips around his fingertips, Sova popped the grape in between his lips and held it there.

As expected, when Breach turned his head to take the next bit of food, his lips wrapped around the fruit but paused as he must’ve felt the change. The eyes flickered to Sova’s in confusion before a single eyebrow quirked up in an amused glance. He quickly took the grape from Sova who leaned back to chuckle at how fast Breach chewed and swallowed, never breaking eye contact with Sova.

When he leaned back in, Sova eagerly met him halfway for the kiss, relishing the sweet after taste of the fruit. Mixed with the smell of his skin, of the room, Sova was ready to climb on him right that moment.

“I assume we’re doing more than just sleeping today?”

“You need to workout eventually. Don’t want your muscles going soft.”

Breach nipped at Sova’s skin in response, eliciting a moan rather than working as a punishment. Seeing how his little warning went unnoticed, Breach placed his lips against Sova’s skin to retort, “As long as it’s not my dick going soft, I didn’t think you’d care.”

Sova rolled his eyes and eagerly resumed the kiss, lifting Breach up by his shirt and pushing him onto his bed. They wrestled for position as the winner would be granted control over the night, though Sova often willingly gave it to Breach. After all, when he treated Sova so kindly and with so much care, it was easy to let him have his way. It went on for a minute, maybe two before Sova finally pins Breach’s arms over his head. “All I wanted,” Sova pulled away, panting, “was for you to take a break.”

He got a chuckle in response, one he felt on his own chest. “This is a break, isn’t it? I can finish up after I deal with you.”

“You’re going to sleep after this.” Sova muttered. It wasn’t an ask. This was a command. One that Breach would definitely follow, even if it meant wrapping himself around his muscled body and metal arms like a koala to a eucalyptus tree. Breach couldn’t carry Sova forever.

[darlingsdevil]

The Ballads of Rebirth (Arthur Morgan x Reader)

Chapter 17: Epilogue

Masterlist

Tag list: @rollyjogerjones

A/N: This is it. This is the end. I wrote a little message for all of you to read, it would mean a lot if you did.

When I began this story a few days after Christmas, I wrote it on a whim. The story brewed in my mind for perhaps a max week before I began writing it. The original idea was inspired a lot by Big Fish the Musical, the musical I was in, in early December. I remember I used to write day after day and could get a chapter up daily, until around the sixth or seventh chapter. I can’t quite tell you how I did it, but I know if I hadn’t gotten that far so quickly, I would have never finished this story, it would have been added to my never ending pile of unfinished WIP’s. The Ballads of Rebirth was supposed to go in an entirely different direction that I had planned, Lee and Arthur’s feud was supposed to be way worse and bitter, and would have ended up with Arthur beating up Lee. Lee was supposed to be much more of an antagonist in the final chapters, a way worse of a person, but I couldn’t do it to him. In many ways, he was flawed, he was selfish at times and quick to judge, but he was still loving and goofy. I know people were not going to like him, they were rooting for Arthur after all. But I still love Lee, he was my first official rdr2 oc, my first fully fleshed out character. Quite frankly, I didn’t really ‘know’ who he was until I continued writing it, I had no personality built out for him until I began writing, and I just chose what felt right. That’s what happens with a lot of my stories, I write what feels right (which usually leads to plot holes because I don’t write shit down). But regardless, I love Lee, and I hope you’re satisfied with the ending I gave him.

There were a few times that I thought about giving up, that my story was absolute shit, that my plot holes were too confusing and my narrative was weak, and I was close to quitting. Until people began asking me when the new chapters would be out, what would happen next. While the numbers may be small, the dedication is what kept me going. And yeah, maybe my story isn’t the biggest rdr2 fic, maybe it’s not talked about in discord servers, but I don’t care, all that matters is that the fans that have stayed have shown me that I should continue writing, that there are people rooting for this story. I know, my story is full of plot holes, I know people don’t like Lee (which I’ll forever be bitter about), I know my story has grammatical errors, I know maybe I shouldn’t have killed off Mahala, I know there’s a lot I could have done, but there’s a lot I still did. As much as I think my story is weak, I’m still proud of the fact that I made it, that it is my own, that I created it and stuck through.

Sometimes, it’s not about what you could have done, it’s what you did. And that’s more valuable in many ways. Creating anything is powerful, and The Ballads of Rebirth taught me that.

So thank you, to every commentator, every person who left a like or kudo, every person who left an ask in my inbox, and especially everyone who complimented my writing style (which is apparently unique? and also these comments are a huge ego boost to me so if I’m cocky, it’s those peoples fault). Thank you for sticking with me, and I hope you enjoyed what I made.

I know I did.

••

Here Are Some Songs That Inspired This Story

1. Setting Sun - Lord Huron (Main inspiration)

2. Prologue - Starry (What I consider to be the main theme)

3. Sunlight and Storms - Starry (Inspiration for Lee and Reader’s relationship)

4. The Road - Starry (yeah.. I know there’s lots of Starry, but regardless, Arthur’s arc inspiration)

5. After The War - Stars (wow lots of star-esque things, Epilogue inspiration, I recommend listening to it while reading this)

•••

PS. The AU ending will be posted with the main story, as I realized many of you may not see it otherwise.

•••

Time passed quickly and solemnly. Life was peaceful and quiet. And you loved every second of it. After you and Arthur had left Richfield in search of the life you had lost, you and your husband had found it with Charles, in a small cottage down the road from him. Charles was happy to see you and Arthur returned to him.

And life was quiet, for a long time it was. You heard nothing of Micah and Dutch, the Pinkerton’s had stopped searching, it seemed the outlaw way had died out long ago too. You were scared Arthur or you would somehow slip back into it. you would blink and suddenly be pulled back into the life you so desperately tried to avoid, but the pull never came. The older you got, the lesser and lesser that percentage became.

The people of Wapiti had long since moved. You visited Mahala’s grave frequently, and thanked her for bringing Arthur back to you. You were sure you would have liked her.

You thanked Charles too, for being quick to find him. It was strange to think that without Charles’ swift action, Arthur would not be here today. Instead, you would be visiting his grave instead of Mahala’s.

John was exceptionally pleased to hear Arthur was still alive. Abigail wrote frequently to you for many years, you missed her dearly, but you had faith you would be reunited once more.

“Honey?” You called out to the doorway behind you.

“G’morning. I got what you asked me to pick up,” Arthur replied. You looked over your shoulder and smiled at him. He placed the box down at the table.

“Thank you. Breakfast is almost ready,” You said, scrambling some eggs on top of the stove. Arthur came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist.

“Someone’s touchy today,” You laughed, shaking your head.

“Missed you.” He nuzzled his face into your neck.

“You were gone for a day.”

“I’m not allowed to miss my dear wife?” He pretended to sound hurt.

“Not when you’re distracting me,” You replied nonchalantly, continuing to prepare the omelettes.

Arthur laughed heartily in your ear. “I give up then,” he said, removing his hold from your waist and putting his hands up in defeat.

“It’s almost ready, sit down.” You put the finishing touches on the omelettes and put them on plates. Arthur sat down at the small table while you fetched some forks. You stared through the window while your hands grabbed two forks, seeing the daffodils on the window, Arthur had bought for you a few days earlier.

You walked over to the table and set down the two plates, taking a seat across from Arthur. He grabbed at the plate hungrily and began to eat.

“You sure are hungry.”

“Starvin’. Been a day since I’ve had your lovely cooking,” Arthur smiled at you. You picked up your fork as well and began to eat.

“I forgot the coffee, hold on.” You realized after a few moments and walked over to the countertop to fetch the pot of coffee, pouring two cups for Arthur and you. You made yours how you liked it, and brought cream and sugar over to Arthur.

“Thank you,” He replied to the gesture, grabbing his cup. He put in a few spoonfuls of sugar and some cream, always the one with the sweet tooth.

You sipped your coffee while you ate your breakfast, glancing out towards the front windows. It was a nice day out, clear of clouds with a nice breeze. The garden still needed tending to, but at least later you could sit on the porch with Arthur.

“I invited Charles over for dinner tonight, by the way. I’m making roast beef and potatoes, and maybe an apple pie, I haven’t decided yet,” You shrugged.

“Make blueberry.” Arthur replied, picking up a newspaper from yesterday that was on the table.

“Blueberries aren’t in season.”

“Okay, then raspberry.”

“Not in season either.”

“Really? Well shit. Apple will have to do then.”

“You don’t like my apple pies?”

“What? No, I do! You just make them a lot. I feel like we’re having them every week,” Arthur laughed nervously.

You pretended to glare at him, “Then I’ll never make another apple pie again. You’re getting pie with no filling in all of them now.”

“Now I didn’t say that! I’m just saying, you make apple pies a lot, I like variety sometimes.”

“You lived with the gang for 20 years and ate the same stew for every meal but you’re complaining about me making apple pie once a week?” You raised your eyebrow at him.

“That’s why I like variety now. Couldn’t have it for so long, that once I get it I’ll never go back to eating the same thing.”

“Mhm.” You dragged out the sound, nodding sarcastically.

You stared at Arthur, he stared at you, a slight smile on his lips. “Just admit you don’t like my apple pies.”

“Would it make you happy if I said that?”

“No. Yes. Maybe. I don’t know!”

“Listen, I like your apple pies, honestly. I just like some variety, that’s all,” He said, attempting to quell your fake anger.

“I’m never making an apple pie ever again,” You replied dramatically, slumping onto the table, reaching your hands out to hold his.

Arthur chucked at your dramatics.

“Just eat your omelette.”

•••

You thought of Lee frequently. Not that you yearned for him, or missed him, you simply wondered how he was doing. And in a way, he had heard your thoughts, after about two years of silence from him, Lee sent a letter.

“You have a letter,” Arthur had said one night when he came back from town, placing the letter on the table in front of you.

“Who’s it from?”

“Lee.”

“Lee sent me a letter?” You asked in disbelief, grabbing the envelope and examining the name on the front. Leroy Rinascita. Clear as day.

(Y/N),

It’s been quite some time since you left Richfield. I hope this letter finds you well. I took a chance and sent a letter to Valentine, a city Arthur had mentioned to me before, so if I don’t hear from you, I assume you’re somewhere else off in the country.

I hope you’re pleased with the choices you made. How is Arthur, by the way? I know we started off on the wrong foot (for good reason) but overall I found him to be a good, kind man. I can tell Arthur makes a good husband. I pray he’s not too angry with how I acted earlier towards him, water under the bridge, right?

I apologize for not sending a letter sooner, or perhaps I’m sorry for even writing this, in case you find this letter strange. I just wanted to know how you are doing. I’m doing well too. I’ve found someone as well who I enjoy very much, they live with me now. I guess you can say we got married, about two months ago actually. It wasn’t a conventional marriage of course. You actually already met them. I’m not sure you would expect who, but for the sake of prying eyes, I won’t reveal who they are in this letter. Other than marriage, life’s been pretty normal. The general store is doing well, there’s some new projects in the city too. A new candy store opened by the pier after the old one unfortunately burned down a few months after you had left. Richfield is bigger now, I feel like it’ll never stop growing. More and more people show up everyday. I barely even know the neighbors names these days.

As for my father, I’m pleased to say he’s still kicking. Somehow, the cancer went away, I couldn’t tell you how, the doctors can’t either. I’m really grateful for you convincing him to stay alive, to stay for me.

Your locket is still with me, I found an old family photo of my father, my mother and Anastasia as a newborn. It was strange to see my mother’s face after so many years, I had nearly forgotten it. I have an older photo of Anastasia too on the other side, my partner isn’t in the locket, only because I see them daily. I don’t need to be reminded that I love them.

But enough talk of me, how are you doing? I know it’s been a while, but I still care about you, and hope to know you’re doing well. Give Arthur a hello for me as well.

Regards,

Lee

You were happy to know Lee still cared, in some horrible nightmare you imagined that he despised you, that you were simply a dark phase in his life. And you were even happier that Lee had found someone and was truly living the life he had wanted. In a way, you were the same as him, both yearning for peace and quiet.

“Lee’s been doing well. I’m glad he sent this letter, he says hello to you, Arthur,” You told him, setting the letter down on the table.

“Good. I’m glad Lee’s doing okay.”

“Yeah, me too.”

•••

Even though Beecher’s Hope had many people living off its land, it did not feel crowded. Perhaps it was the sky that made it feel that way, the sky was endless, and when you and your family worked underneath it, it did not feel so small. The sky was infinite.

“Jack, will you go get Anne for me? She’s out by the chicken coop,” You had told the teenager.

“Sure thing, Aunt (Y/N),” He replied, walking towards the front door to fetch Anne for dinner. Although the Marston and Morgan houses were separate, the two families had practically lived in both. Jack was eating over for dinner, John and Abigail claiming you as his babysitter. Not that he needed one — or perhaps Uncle did.

“Arthur? Will you set the table for me, please? I have to go get Anne washed up once Jack brings her in,” You called out to Arthur behind you.

“Sure.” Arthur responded, he picked up the dishes next to you and began placing them on the table.

As you finished up cooking, you heard the shrill voice of Anne calling out to you. You immediately swiveled around as her tiny legs bounced up to you.

“There’s my little one!” You said joyously, she wrapped her arms around your leg and giggled. She was a near carbon copy of Arthur. She had his nose, his eyes, his mouth shape, but she had your hair and complexion. Regardless of who she looked more like — she was yours.

“Mama! I brought you a feather from the chicken coop!” She reached into her tiny dress pocket and pulled out a white feather. It was bigger and heavier than a chicken feather, you wondered what type of bird it was.

“Sorry, Uncle Arthur, she kind of made a mess in the chicken coop,” You heard Jack say to Arthur.

“You did? Oh thank you, sweetie.” You beamed at her, she watched you take it with big proud eyes. You placed the feather in your pocket, it’s long feathers sticking out.

“You’re welcome, mama.” You noticed the dirt on her face and on her knees as she said that. You scooped her up in your arms and took her into the bathroom to wash up.

You set her down next to the sink and began washing her knees with a wet washcloth.

“Mommy?”

“Yes?” You hummed, continuing to scrub the dirt off her knees.

“When is the baby coming?”

“Not for a couple more months.”

“Daddy thinks it’ll be a boy,” She told you matter of factly.

“Daddy thinks lots of things.”

“He told me he’s sure about this one.”

“When did daddy say that?” You asked, dipping the washcloth under the water, beginning to wipe the dirt off her cute face.

“Today. He told me while we were looking for flowers for you.”

“Okay, well, what else did he say?”

“He said he wants to name the baby Henry Hosea.”

You blinked at the name. Henry Hosea did sound nice. After all, Hosea was technically your adoptive father, as well as Arthur’s. Neither of you had really ever brought him up, avoiding that painful topic entirely. And Anne knew nothing of your past occupations, it was a story for another time, when she was older.

“I like the name Hosea,” Anne responded after being met by your silence.

“It’s a nice name,” Your voice nearly breaking. You subdued the tears in your eyes, after all that conversation was for another time.

When you finished cleaning Anne up, you brought her to dinner and sat her down next to Jack. You brought the food out to the table, making sure to put the apple pie right in front of Arthur.

•••

In many ways, time had been kind to you. It had been patient and nurturing, time allowed you a second chance at life.

It had given you the life you had wanted, one full of peace, love and family. Your life was quiet at Beecher’s Hope, filled with no revenge story. Time had dragged out your lesson for many years, but now you were reaping the fruits of your labor.

So now, as you cradle your newborn son, watching Anne and Arthur play in the field, her giggles dancing over the grass. You thank time for being there for you. For giving you what you wanted, for letting you learn to grow. For giving you a family. For returning Arthur to you.

In many ways you were thankful, thankful for the lessons you had learned, thankful for the house you lived in, thankful for the food on your table. Thankful for Mahala, thankful for Lee, thankful for Anne, thankful for Arthur and thankful for your son, Henry Hosea.

A cool breeze swept over the field, causing the grass and flowers to dance in the wind. Anne began to pretend she was a bird and Arthur raced around trying to catch her, both laughing in unison.

You looked down at your newborn son, his eyes closed over his resting face.

“One day I’ll tell you where your name comes from. I’ll tell you all about the life your daddy and I lived. And I’ll tell you about the life I had after that, and I’ll tell you about why I’ll never go back to either. One day I’ll tell you all about it,” You said quietly to your son, a promise to him and time, and no one else.

And in the end there was a man and a woman, and a daughter and a son, living to the world, thankful for every moment they get to spend with each other.

And Mother Nature rejoiced, for the man on the mountain and the woman in the city had found each other.

••• The End •••

[diaryofageekgirl]

Mostly for myself b/c I want to make sure I don’t lose this somehow, but here’s the literal two hour conversation that @i-miss-balthazar and I spent talking about Benny/Balthazar:

i-miss-balthazar You were the Kat from my quiz??? I had no idea you shipped those pairings! And also Madison helping Sam in purgatory would’ve been way more fitting!

diaryofageekgirl Yeah I do! I have plans to do a rewrite of seasons 8 & 9, but it'll be forever before I get to them -_- And I love Madison a whole lot and would have loved to see her in Purgatory!

^What I meant by the season rewrites is I would include those ships in them lol

i-miss-balthazar You would :0

I need to read it

Please tag me, I’m BEGGING

diaryofageekgirl When I get to writing it I will!

i-miss-balthazar Do you have any Benny/Balthazar head canons???

diaryofageekgirl I could also write you a Benny/Balthazar one shot.......on a completely unrelated note, when's your birthday? 👀

i-miss-balthazar April 28th and that would make my entire year oh my goodness there isn’t enough Benny/Balthazar content out there

diaryofageekgirl 👌

i-miss-balthazar I didn’t mean to ship them so much it kinda just happened

Maybe I just want them to feel loved 😂

diaryofageekgirl I see Benny as someone who's very openly affectionate, and Balthazar as being someone who craves affection but sort of hides behind a sarcastic front? So Benny just s l o w l y wears him down into accepting all this love and adoration and Bal pretending to hate it but is secretly melting

oh mood

i-miss-balthazar Oh my goodness my HEART 🥺 that’s the sweetest headcanon ever and I totally see it. Benny would give the best hugs, I think.Balthazar’s 100% a little spoon xD

diaryofageekgirl He's got big strong arms - great for hugging & being the big spoon 😉

i-miss-balthazar For some reason I feel like Benny is taller than he actually is? Like I looked it up and Ty Olsson is only 5’10, but I always thought he was like 6’3 😂

Have you ever written about them before that I could read???

diaryofageekgirl WAit, he's 5'10???????

i-miss-balthazar Almost 5’11 I forgot about the decimal

diaryofageekgirl No, I haven't written anything for them yet. I'm working on my finale fix-it right now, then depending on how long that takes I might be going straight into femslash february after that. But after that I will at some point

aaaaaaand I just came up with another timestamp for the mer!verse

selkie!benny & merrow!balthazar

i-miss-balthazar Y e s

I had to look up what those are but wow am I glad I did

It’s perfect

i-miss-balthazar I like the idea of Balthazar playing cool in public but when it’s just the two of them he’s an absolute suck for attention, like a cat 😂

In public: sarcasm is my main form of communication In private: please hold me 🥺

diaryofageekgirl Oh for sure, just like, flat up against Benny's back, arms over his shoulders like "pay attention to me" 😩

i-miss-balthazar What about pet names for each other???

diaryofageekgirl I mean, just imagine Benny's deep Cajun voice calling Bal "mon amour". OR "MON ANGE"

and bal would call him something totally sappy in enochian but then tell him it means "pain in the ass" or smth

i-miss-balthazar Balthazar stealing Benny’s tee shirts even though they’re way to big for him because they remind him of Benny

diaryofageekgirl yessssssss

i-miss-balthazar Benny has nightmares about pirating/purgatory so Balthazar visits his dreams to calm him down and make him happy again because he can’t stand seeing Benny upset

diaryofageekgirl They're a nightmare in the kitchen bc Benny worked as a chef for years and is very particular about how certain dishes are made but Bal just keeps Adding More Alcohol

i-miss-balthazar Benny: no, you need to boil the alcohol out to use this Balthazar: that takes away all the fun!

diaryofageekgirl Benny: If you put too much alcohol in it won't set properly! Balthazar: That sounds like a You problem

i-miss-balthazar An iss-YOU not an iss-ME!! *pours more in*

diaryofageekgirl 🤣🤣🤣

i-miss-balthazar Benny’s not a morning person, and because Balthazar doesn’t need sleep he’s a morning person by default. So Benny’s always tired and grumbly in the mornings while Balthazar’s carrying on as usual so Benny will just catch him by the waist as he’s walking by to pull him into a hug and rest his chin on his angel’s shoulder because he’s still tired and just wants snuggles

diaryofageekgirl And Bal tries to keep doing whatever he was doing before and Benny just reaches out behind him and forces him to set whatever it is down and physically puts Bal's arms around him 🥰

i-miss-balthazar Midnight sailing date 🥰

diaryofageekgirl Midnight sailing date out over bioluminescent algae bloom: https://www.australiangeographic.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/11.jpg

i-miss-balthazar It kinda looks like angel grace if you squint

diaryofageekgirl That's exactly what I thought! (Benny def brings them there bc it makes him think of Balthazar's grace)

i-miss-balthazar Since Balthazar’s an angel and doesn’t technically need his blood do you think Benny could use him as a food source so he wouldn’t have to worry about robbing blood banks/eating people

diaryofageekgirl yessssssss that's exactly what I think!!! And Benny's unsure about it at first, kinda scared to bite him bc he's so used to his bite killing or turning people but Bal convinces him and it's so much better than blood bags

i-miss-balthazar Plot twist Balthazar’s blood alcohol content gets Benny drunk😂

diaryofageekgirl there's a blood of Christ joke in there somewhere but I can't think of it 🤔

i-miss-balthazar And the wine is my blood -last supper or something I haven’t been to church in awhile 😂

diaryofageekgirl Do you think he'd ever get a bit of grace along with the blood?

i-miss-balthazar In theory, I could see it happening. what would that taste/feel like I wonder

diaryofageekgirl I imagine it would be a moment of absolute euphoria

i-miss-balthazar Benny’s grip on Balthazar would tighten sharply, and Balthazar would let out a soft gasp of surprise and delight at the sudden possessiveness because secretly he loves it when Benny gets like that

diaryofageekgirl 😍😍😍 And Benny gets all blushy and apologetic about it later and Balthazar is just like "Don't you dare apologize for that. In fact, do it more often."

i-miss-balthazar My goodness I need more Benny/Balthazar content they’re just so perfect and I love them

diaryofageekgirl You could always write some 👀👀👀 Be the change you want to see in the world 👀👀👀

i-miss-balthazar Mmm soft movie nights where they’re bundled in a soft blanket and Balthazar’s in Benny’s lap so Benny can idly play with his hair while they watch the show. Neither of them particularly care about the movies they just like the cuddles

diaryofageekgirl (If you did I would be so down to read it)

i-miss-balthazar I might have to. However I promised myself I’d finish writing the next chapter in my main wip before I started another project so I may need some time.

diaryofageekgirl that's fair. Let me know if you do end up writing something for them

i-miss-balthazar Absolutely!!!!

[lonelyandlovelorn]

Forgotten

A/N: This has been in my WIP folder for ages and I finally finished it. Its a long one, but I hope you like it. Pretend in this that Steve and Tony made up and now everyone is a big happy family in the Avengers tower that hasn’t really been a thing in forever.

Genre: fluff, really minor angst

Warning: language probably

Word count: 3600

Pairing: Steve Rogers x fem reader

Summary: You’re close friends with Steve and company, but what happens when Steve blows you off too many times?

Masterlist

You had always been a part of Team Cap. You weren’t around for the big fight, but they were your friends, your family. You and Steve were close, maybe even best friends. Of course, he was a gorgeous man, and anyone interested in men would want more than that, but you were alright with where you stood. Bucky and Sam were like your brothers. Absolute dumbasses and annoying as all hell, but lovable and caring when it mattered. Wanda was like a sister, you always looked out for each other and used time together to escape the testosterone. You guys were all on the same floor in the tower, as Tony had started grouping people by who they were most comfortable with, mostly starting with Bucky in mind and finally just rearranging the tower so that every Avenger was where they most wanted to be. 

It was pretty common for you to hang out with Steve, Bucky, Sam, and Wanda, but you were all busy people which meant you mostly hung out in pairs when you were free. You had spent your morning training today, so you figured you could spend the evening hanging out with whoever was available. You crossed your fingers that Steve was free and tried to track him down first. You found him in the kitchen eating lunch, and decided to make your own while talking to him.

“Hey, Steve, are you free tonight?” You asked casually.

He glanced up from the phone that he spent much more time on now that he understood how to use it. “Yeah, probably.”

“Do you want to hang out, then? We can watch Singing in the Rain?” You knew that musicals were more your preference than his, but it was a good compromise between your different film tastes, since he tended to prefer more classic movies than Mamma Mia or Jurassic Park.

“Sure,” he replied, somewhat dismissively as he typed out a message. You tried not to take it to heart, but Steve had been drifting away from you recently and it hurt. 

You smiled at him, even though he didn't look at you, and took your sandwich to the living room to eat, where you found Wanda. She followed you with her eyes, and you knew she could tell you were put out by Steve’s lack of enthusiasm, but she didn't bring it up. You were sure to let her know how grateful you were for that. You picked up a book and settled in to read for a few hours before setting up movie night. 

--

It was after dinner and you decided to go ahead and set up the film while you waited for Steve to join you. Just as you were about to put the disc in, Steve walked through the common room, fully dressed, which felt odd seeing as you usually hung out in pajamas. He was almost out of the room before he noticed you and turned to you quickly.

“Y/N! I'm sorry I forgot about tonight. I have to go out, I'll make it up to you tomorrow night.” All you could do was smile weakly at him and nod as he left the room. 

As soon as you were sure he was far away, you sighed, sitting down on the couch and just looking at the TV that was still off. There went your evening. You leaned back into the couch and stared up at the ceiling, feeling sorry for yourself, but not in the mood to do anything else. 

About 20 minutes later, Sam wandered into the room and saw you still in that position. “What's up buttercup?” He asked, sitting down next to you. You rolled your head to the side to look at him. At the slightly forlorn look on your face, his eyebrows scrunched up in concern. “Hey, what's wrong?” 

“I'm fine, it's nothing,” you responded, not wanting to sound whiny because Steve had blown you off. You were both adults and he was allowed to have a life outside of you. 

“Doesn't look like nothing,” Sam insisted, nudging you with his shoulder. 

You debated telling him. After all, he was one of Captain America's best friends. However, you knew Sam wouldn't judge you and you wanted the company. “Steve and I were supposed to watch a movie tonight and just hang out, but he left as I was setting up and said he had to do something.” You didn't mean to sound as obviously put out as you were, but you couldn't help it. 

“He just cancelled on you? That ain’t right.”

“Well, actually he forgot completely, and then remembered in time to cancel,” you muttered a little petulantly. 

“Not cool, man.” You were grateful Sam seemed to have your back on this one. He nudged you with his shoulder once again. “I’ll watch a movie with you if you want.”

“You don’t have to do that, you probably had other plans.” You didn’t want to feel like a burden.

“Nah, I actually wandered out here looking for something to do. So what are we watching?”

You smiled softly at him and pressed play on the film, leaning your head on his shoulder and snuggling into his side. The comfort of another person was very welcome at this point, and you were a little tired due to the jump from excitement to disappointment to contentment. Within 20 minutes, you were asleep on Sam’s shoulder, and he let you stay there through the whole movie. 

--

That was how Steve saw you two hours later as he walked back through the tower, cuddled into Sam’s side. Both of you were asleep, with the DVD menu playing on repeat. 

--

A few days later, you found Steve and asked if he would be up for a rescheduling of movie night, seeing as he seemed to have forgotten making it up to you “tomorrow night.” Once again, Steve agreed distractedly. You tried to make an effort not to get your hopes up so you couldn’t be disappointed again. You apparently failed at that, though.

You were just walking into the common area in your pajamas, carrying a blanket, when you got a text from Steve: Hey, sorry, I can’t make it tonight. I’ll make it up to you.

All you could do was sigh and berate yourself for getting excited again only to be crushed once more. You wandered back to your room and sat down on your bed, unsure what to do with yourself. After about five minutes of quiet moping, you heard a tentative knock on your door. 

“Y/N, it’s Wanda. Can I come in?” You deliberated for a moment before telling Friday to let her into your room. She walked into the room carrying a tub of ice cream and two spoons. “Hey, I don’t know exactly what has you feeling sad, but I could feel it from my room and I was hoping I could help.” She held up the ice cream like an offering.

You gave her a watery smile and patted the bed next to you. She handed you a spoon and opened the lid, not prying for answers or analyzing you, simply providing support. You thought for a moment before deciding to let her in on everything you were feeling. Ages ago, she had taught you how to keep her out of your head to protect your privacy, but at that moment, you didn’t much feel like explaining everything. Instead, you just set your hand on top of hers and let your guard down completely. You saw confusion pass over her face for a moment before her expression changed to sympathy. Without saying anything, she pulled you in for a comforting hug and simply held you. 

After eating too much ice cream, you ended up with your head in her lap as she combed her fingers through your hair. Neither of you spoke much, all of her support came in the form of soothing gestures and gentle touches. You fell asleep like that, hurting, but comforted. 

--

Steve couldn’t understand the glares he was receiving from Wanda the next day. 

--

You gave Steve one more chance and offered him a final movie night make up. He agreed with a little more enthusiasm than before, but this time, you were careful to keep low expectations. 

It came as no shock to you this time when you entered the common room to see Steve saying goodbye to Bucky who was sitting on the couch reading a book. This time, he didn’t even bother to apologize to you for cancelling. When he was out of the room, you sighed and turned around to return to your room. Unfortunately, the super soldier sitting behind you heard your sigh. 

“Y/N? Are you okay?” You could hear the concern in Bucky’s voice, and you knew how much he genuinely cared, so you turned back towards him and made your way to the couch. He could see the disappointment on your face and could tell something truly was wrong. You sat on the opposite end of the couch and turned towards him, tucking your knees up to your chest as you decided what you should tell him. 

When you couldn’t come to a decision on specifics, you decided to tell him everything, from Steve cancelling plans to your minor crush on the man. You knew this was Steve’s best friend, but you also knew you could trust him with this. Gradually, while you were pouring your heart out, you stretched out your legs until your feet brushed his thigh. He grabbed your ankles and lifted your legs so your feet rested in his lap and set his hands on top of your legs. You knew he wasn’t a touchy man, but the fact that he was trying to provide you comfort in the form of contact was more than enough to warm your heart. When you finished telling him everything, he had a couple of things to say. 

“Stevie doesn’t know what he’s missing. You’re wonderful and it’s absolutely his loss for being an idiot.” It was comforting to know that all of your friends had your back and didn’t think you were ridiculous for being upset about this. You smiled fondly at Bucky and reached to grab his hand, squeezing it in thanks, before setting it back down and picking up a book to read. 

You shared silence and company until you fell asleep, stretched out across the couch with your legs still resting on Bucky. 

--

Steve had felt growing hostility from his teammates for days, but couldn’t figure out why. Y/N was the only one who didn’t openly glare at him at this point, although that may have been because she didn’t look at him much at all. Even Bucky seemed mad at him, and he wasn’t sure what he had done. 

He finally got a clue when he walked into breakfast with the intent to ask Y/N to hang out that night. As he walked towards her and opened his mouth, Wanda stepped in front of him. Before he could say anything, Bucky had called Y/N away from the counter, and thus away from Steve. Sam stood somewhat in the background, watching everything, similar to his position on missions, prepared to step in at any moment. As he looked back at Wanda in confusion, her eyes narrowed at him before she turned away and walked towards Y/N, who didn’t seem to be aware that anything strange had just happened. 

Unsure what else to do, he turned to Sam in hopes for an explanation. All he got in return was exasperation and a ‘not now’ gesture. 

It took about five hours before Sam pulled him off to the side to explain. 

“Do you really not know what you did wrong?” Sam asked, doubtful that anyone could be that stupid, but not shocked that that someone was Steve. 

“What do you mean? What did I do wrong?” Steve was frustrated and just wanted a straight answer, but guessed he wouldn’t be getting one anytime soon. 

“Man, you didn’t even know what you had, and then you had to ruin it.”

“What did I ruin?” How do you ruin something without even knowing it?

“Maybe you didn’t ruin it completely, but that’s not for me to decide.” Sam crossed his arms and stared him down. He knew he was being vague, but he also knew he couldn’t violate her trust. 

“Well how do I figure it out? And what does this have to do with Y/N?” Steve huffed. 

“You’ll have to ask her yourself.” With that, Sam left Steve to figure out his own problems. 

--

He had finally had enough after a week of glares and no conversation from Y/N whatsoever. They were all in the kitchen, eating breakfast in silence, when Steve gave in to his frustration. 

“What did I do wrong?” he asked you, causing you to look up, startled, from your coffee. Your eyebrows scrunched up as you looked around the room. None of your friends were looking at you, they were all watching Steve. After a moment, Wanda glanced back at you. You nodded slightly at her, signaling that you wanted to talk to Steve alone. She touched Sam and Bucky on the shoulder, pulling them out of the room with her. 

Once you were left with nothing but Steve’s stare, you sighed and looked down at the table, trying to figure out what to say. Luckily for you, Steve started the conversation for you. 

“Do you know why they’ve been glaring at me for a week?”

Your face scrunched up in confusion. “They’ve been glaring at you?”

“You didn’t notice? I figured the glares had something to do with you.”

Realization dawned and your heart warmed at the protectiveness of your friends. You really weren’t sure how to explain it to him, seeing as you didn’t feel ready to tell someone who obviously didn’t return your feelings that you liked him. You avoided his eyes. “I’ll tell them to knock it off, you don’t need to worry about it anymore.” You moved to walk past him and hopefully end the conversation, but he grabbed your upper arm lightly to stop you. Your immediate reaction was to jerk away, fearing your actions otherwise. Steve looked hurt by your jump away from his touch.

“But I did do something?” He seemed genuinely confused, but you were still a little bitter so it was hard to try to convince yourself to be understanding.

“Aside from blowing me off three times in a row? No, absolutely nothing.” The bitterness was leaking into your voice and your face at this point. It felt fair; you were hurt and you wanted him to know it. 

“I didn't blow you off three times? When did I blow you off?”

“We had movie night about two weeks ago. You remember that? You walked by me, letting me know you had to do something else and left me to hang out by myself until Sam showed up.”

“I said I was sorry, I had to meet Sharon.” You hoped he couldn't tell how much that stung that he ditched you for her. 

“The next one you just texted me and cancelled on me.” 

“Natasha needed my help.” You didn't know what kind of help she needed, but you knew that you weren't upset about him helping someone out. “That's still only two.”

“Well, you probably wouldn't remember the last one, since you didn't even bother to cancel, you just left, so I hung out with Bucky.”

“I didn't realize that movie night was so important to you.” He almost sounded mocking and all of the pent up feelings burst out of you like a popped balloon.

“Movie night isn't that important to me! I just wanted to spend time with you! We don't see each other much as it is so I always hope that we'll be able to make plans to hang out because sometimes I miss you, but obviously the feeling isn’t mutual.” You stepped around him to leave the room following his stunned silence. “I'll stop asking, don't worry.”

“I–” Steve started before you cut him off.

“I'll make sure they stop glaring at you too.” With that, you left him before he could say anything else, all but running back to your room and locking the door. 

You knew you hadn't given him much chance, but it felt like he hadn't even tried to put up a fight. You had hoped he would at least make an effort to stop you or follow you. Instead, you sat in your room, alone. Regret filled you as you thought about all that you had said. You knew you couldn't really blame him for having a life outside of you or the team, but that didn't make it hurt less that he had all but forgotten about you on so many occasions. 

--

You had convinced your friends to stand down on the glares, although that didn't stop them from working together to protect you. They were really good at distracting you, talking about stupid ideas and joking about anything they could think of. They often tried to keep you from noticing Steve’s presence too often when he entered a room or looked in your direction. While they were trying to protect and comfort you, they also wanted Steve to see what he was missing. Your smile, your laugh, your wit. It was all on display when they joked around with you. 

You stayed true to your word, not making any effort to make plans with Steve in an effort not to feel like you were forcing your company on him. After a few days spent not speaking to each other, though, Steve had finally had enough. He pleaded with each of his friends to let him speak to you, let them know his intentions. Begrudgingly, they gave him space and permission to speak with you. All of that was unbeknownst to you.

Breakfast the following day, you were the first person in the kitchen, grabbing a slice of toast and some coffee before sitting at the table with your phone to check out what was going on in the world. The next person in was Steve, who you studiously ignored. Or tried to ignore, until he sat down across from you and cleared his throat. 

You glanced up at him over your phone, inviting him to speak, though perhaps not very warmly. He set down his coffee and leaned over the table towards you. “I’m sorry.”

You went back to looking at your phone. “Apology accepted.” If he just wanted to feel better by apologizing, you would let him. 

That wasn’t what he wanted though. “I’m sorry that I ignored you and took you for granted.” That got your attention and you looked back up at him. “I was so used to having you around that I didn’t think about how much I was hurting you. I didn’t realize how much I depended on having you around and how much I liked spending time with you until I couldn’t anymore. I miss movie nights and just being around you. Will you accept my apology and my offer for a make up movie night tonight that I promise I won’t miss?”

The man looked so earnest and guilty that you couldn’t help but give him a reassuring smile and nod at him. Later, Wanda and Sam would call you a pushover, but it wasn’t in your nature to stay mad when someone obviously felt bad. You were so happy that you almost didn’t notice the way his face returned to one of discomfort rather than happiness.

“There was something else I wanted to talk to you about,” he brought up.

“What is it?” You were sure whatever it was, there was nothing to worry about.

“Uh… when I was with Sharon, I realized something.” That soured your mood a little, but you gave him the benefit of the doubt. “She… well, she tried to kiss me that night.” This time, you were sure the frown was apparent on your face as you looked away from him.

“I don’t understand why you’re telling me this Steve.” You kept any emotion out of your voice. 

“What I realized when she did that was that the only person I wanted to try to kiss me… was you.” Your head snapped towards him and your eyes widened. “I hope me telling you that doesn’t make you uncomfortable, I just wanted to be completely open and honest with you.”

You have no idea what to say or how to move forward. Instead of responding, you stand up from the table and take your dishes to the sink. You hear Steve sigh in defeat at your lack of response. You walk back by the table to exit the kitchen and pause behind Steve’s chair. You take a deep breath, mustering all of your courage, before leaning down and kissing him on the cheek. He stiffens before turning in your direction. A shy smile and rosy blush grace your face as you say, “Why don’t we make movie night a date night instead?”

A grin breaks out across his face as he nods eagerly. You nod back at him before exiting the kitchen, a dumb grin mirroring his on your own face.