#this guy's TERRIBLE at doing what he wants to do

[solxamber]

Trash Novel Chronicles: How to Ruin a Plot || Jade Leech

When you end up as the villainess in a story that's hellbent on making her suffer for no reason, you decide to make the main characters suffer just for catharsis. Good thing that your fiancé, Jade Leech seems to like chaos as much as you.

Series Masterlist

Dinner wasn’t much to write home about—a plate of lukewarm spaghetti that could generously be described as "functional," paired with a salad so sad it could star in its own soap opera. But you had something better: entertainment.

And by entertainment, you meant the literary dumpster fire currently sitting in your hands.

This book. This book.

The plot was so catastrophically terrible that it looped around to being hilarious. You chewed your subpar spaghetti and flipped a page, trying not to laugh too hard at the sheer absurdity of what you were reading.

The villainess, a talented duchess and renowned potion maker, was saddled with some of the worst clients in existence. The saintess—of course, she was a saintess, because originality was clearly out of the question—was engaged to the Duke of the North. Why? Who knows. It wasn’t like they seemed to like each other. In fact, she was also having a very public affair with the prince.

And not just any prince. A balding prince.

Because nothing screams “romantic rival” like the slow and tragic retreat of one’s hairline.

They were both the worst. The kind of people who would demand a 12-step skincare routine from their servants but would balk at paying them a living wage. When the villainess refused to make them more potions for ridiculous requests like “immunity to insults” (seriously?), they decided to frame her for crimes and have her executed.

The sheer audacity.

But it didn’t stop there. Oh no. The villainess had a fiancé—Jade Leech, poor guy—who tried his best to help her escape. And what did she do? Sacrificed herself so he wouldn’t get dragged into her mess. Noble, sure, but also infuriating because she died for them.

And then Jade, now heartbroken and understandably bitter, became the main antagonist. Only to be defeated by the same cartoonishly bland protagonists who caused the entire mess.

It was like someone handed a six-year-old a book contract and said, “Go wild, kid. Just make sure it has betrayal and love triangles, and throw in some magic potions or something.”

You forked another sad tangle of spaghetti into your mouth and tried not to choke from laughing at the sheer absurdity of it all. The characters had all the depth of a kiddie pool, the plot holes were big enough to drive a carriage through, and the pacing? What pacing? This story had clearly decided pacing was for cowards.

You flipped to another page, nearly snorting when the saintess justified her affair by saying, “It’s what the goddess would want."

Sure, Jan.

And just as you were about to take another bite of dinner, it happened.

A mushroom. A mushroom.

You didn’t even realize it had slipped into your spaghetti until it was already lodged in your throat. Panic set in as you clawed at your neck, gasping for air while your brain helpfully supplied one last thought:

Can’t believe a mushroom took me out. Goddammit.

And then everything went dark.

The first thing you notice is the carpet: thick, plush, and entirely too luxurious for someone who had been laughing themselves to death over garbage-tier literature just moments ago. The second thing you notice is that you’re alive, which is great. Except you’re no longer in your cozy little living room.

No, you’re in a gothic mansion straight out of an interior decorator's fever dream. Dark wood, brooding paintings, and vials of suspicious liquids lined up neatly on shelves. For a second, you think you’ve wandered into a Dracula fan convention, but then it hits you.

The novel. The Poisoned Duchess and the Frozen Heart of the North.

You scramble to your feet, heart pounding. “No. No, no, no, no,” you mutter, sprinting to the nearest mirror. A familiar (and obnoxiously beautiful) face stares back at you. Elegant curls, piercing eyes, and an expression that could curdle milk. Yep. You’re the Duchess—the villainess who gets executed for daring to have standards.

“Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding me,” you groan, gripping the edge of the vanity. “I was just making fun of this! How did I end up here? Is this karma? Did the mushroom do this?!”

You spend a good ten minutes pacing the room, muttering to yourself like a squirrel with a caffeine problem. “Okay, okay, think. The Saintess and the Prince are nuts, and they’re gonna come here demanding potions for their ridiculous nonsense like ‘immunity to sarcasm’ or whatever. Solution? Close the shop. Sell it. Let some other poor soul deal with their unhinged requests. Genius! But what next? What about the fiancé—oh god, Jade!”

Jade Leech. The fiancé you had casually dismissed in your tirade against the novel. The one who was supposed to be self-sacrificing, and eventually doomed. But now he’s your fiancé, and you’re not about to let him become collateral damage in this flaming dumpster fire of a plot.

“We’ll run away!” you declare, pointing dramatically at an imaginary horizon. “We’ll elope, move to some peaceful countryside, grow tomatoes, and live a happy, Saintess-free life. Screw the plot. Screw the Duke. Screw the Saintess and her balding fiancé—”

You’re mid-sentence when the sound of a door opening interrupts your theatrical monologue. You spin around and freeze.

Standing in the doorway is Jade Leech himself. And oh boy, the novel did not do him justice. His sharp features, soft teal hair, and piercing eyes make your brain short-circuit. The man looks like he walked out of an ethereal fairy tale and promptly decided to make everyone else look like peasants.

He leans casually against the doorframe, arms crossed, and raises a brow. “Well, this is quite the scene to walk into.”

You blink. And then you blink again, because your brain is still stuck on handsome fiancé alert. “Uh…”

Jade smirks, clearly amused. “Is this a private performance, or can anyone join? Because I’m not sure who you’re planning to screw, but it sounds… ambitious.”

You want to die all over again. “I—uh, would you… like to join my plans?”

His eyes gleam with mischief. “Plans, you say? That depends. Do these plans involve anything more exciting than managing a potion shop?”

“Yes! So much more exciting!” you blurt out. “We close the shop, sell it, cause some chaos, run away, and live happily ever after far away from this stupid place! No Saintess. No Duke. Just… us. Tomatoes. Maybe a goat.”

Jade chuckles, the sound warm and entirely too pleasant for your frazzled state of mind. “You’ve certainly caught my interest. All right, I’m in. A little chaos sounds much better than… whatever normalcy is supposed to look like.”

He steps closer, and you swear your brain bluescreens again because wow, personal space doesn’t exist here, huh? Jade offers his hand, his smile sharp but oddly sincere. “So, where do we start, my prodigal Duchess?”

You take his hand, still half-dazed. “Step one: Screw the Saintess.”

He laughs again. “Now that’s the kind of plan I can get behind.”

Meeting Jade's brother was like getting hit by a rogue wave of chaos. You'd thought Jade was the wild card of the family, but then Floyd Leech burst into the room like a hurricane wearing a grin.

He looked at you with an intensity that made you feel like you were being appraised for your entertainment value, then immediately announced, "You wanna screw with the Saintess and the Duke? Oh, I’m in.”

You stared at him for a long moment, then at Jade, who gave you an apologetic shrug, clearly used to Floyd’s… energy. You decided, then and there, that you were extremely lucky to have been paired with the Leech brother who at least pretended to respect social norms.

Floyd, however, was a force of nature and, admittedly, a useful one. He seemed far too enthusiastic about the chaos you were planning, but hey, when life gives you a human typhoon, you use it to wreak havoc.

Then there was Azul Ashengrotto. Meeting him felt less like talking to a person and more like negotiating with an overly polite shark. “I can provide you protection,” he said smoothly, pushing a contract toward you with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

You glanced at the contract, then back at him. “And what does this… "protection" demand in return?”

“Oh, nothing too demanding,” Azul said, waving his hand as if it was all very casual. “Just a few favors in return. Small things, really.”

You stared at the fine print and felt your soul start to sweat. This wasn’t just protection—it was a fast track to selling your soul to the fish mafia.

“Tell you what,” you said, shoving the contract back toward him. “I’ll sell the potion shop to you for cheap if you help me with whatever plans I come up with.”

Azul tilted his head, intrigued. “And what’s in it for me?”

“You get to own the best potion shop in the kingdom without dealing with the Saintess and her entourage of entitlement.”

His eyes gleamed. “Done. But if you get arrested, you won’t mention my name.”

“Deal,” you said, shaking his hand. Internally, you made a note to burn the shop down if things went south. Better a pile of ash than Azul owning it and your dignity.

The next day, you decided to drop by a boutique to prepare for the Saintess’s tea party. Not because you cared about the event, but because you cared very deeply about ruining her day.

You knew exactly what she was planning to wear—some pastel monstrosity—and you were determined to outshine her. You’d wear an upgraded version of her outfit, but classier, sharper, and absolutely dripping with pettiness.

The boutique owner was taking your measurements when you told them to send the bill to your butler. That was when Jade, who had been quietly browsing nearby, strolled over. He casually slid his arm around your waist, like it was the most natural thing in the world, and said, “Send the bill to me.”

You whipped around, scandalized. “Excuse me?!”

He leaned in, his mismatched eyes sparkling with mischief. “I just want everyone to know you’re my fiancée,” he murmured, his voice low and entirely too close to your ear.

Your brain promptly blue-screened. He was too close, his scent too distracting, and his hand on your waist was doing things to your equilibrium. The boutique owner pretended not to notice your obvious malfunction, but Jade? Jade looked like he was having the time of his life.

“Fine,” you mumbled, your voice barely audible as you tried to collect the scattered pieces of your dignity.

“Good,” Jade said, his smirk widening.

He didn’t let go of you after that. Oh no, he kept his hand firmly on the small of your back as you left the boutique. Every step was an exercise in not collapsing from the sheer audacity of his touch.

Meanwhile, Jade looked perfectly at ease, as if his sole purpose in life was to see how long it would take you to spontaneously combust.

By the time you got back to the mansion, you were sure of one thing: Jade Leech was going to be the death of you, and he was going to enjoy every second of it.

The tea party was shaping up to be the highlight of your career as a petty agent of chaos. You arrived late, naturally—nothing screams “I’m better than you” quite like waltzing in when everyone’s already seated.

The moment you stepped into the pavilion, a collective gasp swept through the crowd. Your dress—custom-tailored, one-of-a-kind, and effortlessly overshadowing every other outfit there—practically glowed in the sunlight.

The Saintess, perched at the head of the table, turned to greet you, her expression instantly souring when she caught sight of your gown. Oh, you could practically hear the cogs in her head screeching to a halt as she realized you’d completely outdone her.

“Oh my,” you said, offering a demure smile as you made your way to your seat. “I hope I’m not interrupting.”

“Not at all,” she replied, her voice as sweet as arsenic. “What a… bold choice of dress.”

“Oh, this?” You gestured casually, as though you weren’t wearing something that could stop traffic. “My fiancé picked it out for me. He has such excellent taste, don’t you think?”

You didn’t need to look directly at her to see the way her jaw clenched. You could feel her rage simmering from across the table. After all, her own fiancé, or even the Balding Prince, hadn’t bothered to buy her a dress, let alone one that could compete with yours. You almost felt bad for her. Almost.

From there, the afternoon devolved into a series of increasingly petty power plays.

When the Saintess poured herself a cup of tea, you made a point to remark on how “rustic” her teapot was.

When she complimented the garden’s flowers, you chimed in with, “Oh, are these the same ones you tried to grow last year? I remember hearing how they all died!”

Every little comment was a carefully aimed dart, and she was too polite—or perhaps too afraid of snapping in public—to retaliate. The guests, of course, were eating it up.

The pièce de résistance came when the Balding Prince himself approached you during the party.

“I need a potion,” he said, puffing himself up like a rooster trying to assert dominance. “For my, uh, hair.”

You blinked, momentarily stunned. Of all the scenarios you’d envisioned, this was not one of them.

“Your hair?” you echoed, doing your best to keep a straight face. “What kind of potion are we talking about here? Growth? Volume? Shine?”

The Prince’s eye twitched. “That’s… none of your business,” he snapped.

Before you could respond, Jade—bless him—“accidentally” bumped into the Prince from behind, sending his ridiculous feathered hat tumbling to the ground.

The gasp that followed was deafening.

There it was, in all its glory: the shiny, blinding expanse of the Prince’s balding crown, gleaming like a beacon of despair in the afternoon sun.

For a moment, the pavilion was silent. Then someone coughed. Then someone else giggled. And before long, the entire tea party was a symphony of poorly stifled laughter.

“It’s, uh, a royal tradition!” the Prince stammered, clutching his hat and jamming it back onto his head. “A sign of wisdom and… and…”

He trailed off, clearly out of excuses, and fled the scene faster than you’d ever seen anyone run in formalwear.

The Saintess looked like she was about to implode. Unfortunately for her, the Third Male Lead (Yes, there were 3 of them) chose that exact moment to swoop in, all charm and wit as he began lavishing her with attention. You leaned back in your chair, sipping your tea and basking in the chaos like a cat who’d just knocked over an entire shelf of priceless antiques.

“Nice work,” you murmured to Jade, holding up your hand for a discreet high five.

Instead of obliging, he grabbed your hand and laced his fingers through yours, the smirk on his face practically criminal.

“You’re far more fun than I expected,” he said, his voice low enough that only you could hear.

You stared at him, your brain immediately short-circuiting. Your default response to most situations was sarcasm or snark, but this? This was uncharted territory.

“Uh… thanks?” you managed, your voice coming out embarrassingly squeaky.

Jade chuckled, his thumb brushing over the back of your hand as if to emphasize just how flustered you were.

“Come on,” he said, his tone far too casual for someone who’d just ruined you in front of an audience. “Let’s go cause more trouble.”

He kept his hand on the small of your back as you walked away from the pavilion, and you were pretty sure your soul left your body every time he leaned in to whisper some biting comment about the Saintess or her rapidly expanding collection of admirers.

One thing was certain: you were having the time of your life, and this was only the beginning.

The day begins innocently enough, which should have been your first warning.

You’re peacefully reading in the library, enjoying the silence, when Floyd barrels in like a hurricane. “Oi, c’mon, you gotta help me!” he hisses, grabbing your wrist before you can protest.

“Help you with what?” you manage to ask as you’re dragged down the corridor, nearly tripping over your own feet.

“It’s Jade,” Floyd says ominously. “He’s made mushrooms again.”

Ah, that explains it. You’ve heard rumors about Jade’s culinary experiments, but you’d yet to experience them firsthand.

“And what does that have to do with me?”

Floyd grins, the kind of grin that promises nothing good. “Well, I told him you love mushrooms.”

You stop dead in your tracks. “You what?”

Before you can bolt, Floyd shoves you through the greenhouse door and slams it shut behind you.

Inside, the room is warm and humid, filled with the earthy scent of soil and plants. At the far end, Jade is bent over a terrarium, meticulously arranging its contents with tweezers.

He looks up when he hears you enter, his expression brightening. “Ah, you’re here!”

Your heart sinks.

Floyd’s words echo in your mind—you love mushrooms. If only he knew. Mushrooms were the reason you got isekai’d in the first place, and the trauma of choking on one is still fresh in your memory. But now, faced with Jade’s expectant gaze and a plate of what looks like sautéed mushrooms on the table, you realize you’re trapped.

“Floyd said you were eager to try these,” Jade says, his tone polite but unmistakably pleased.

You glance at the mushrooms, then back at Jade. He looks so hopeful, like someone who’s spent hours perfecting a recipe and is finally sharing it with someone who’ll appreciate it. You swallow hard.

“Of course!” you say, forcing a smile that feels more like a grimace. “I love mushrooms.”

You sit down at the table, and Jade places the plate in front of you. The mushrooms actually smell... good. Earthy and buttery, with a hint of garlic and herbs.

“Bon appétit,” he says, watching you intently.

You pick up a fork, your hands trembling slightly, and stab a piece. You can do this, you tell yourself. It’s not the mushroom’s fault you died. It’s just food.

With one final breath, you pop the piece into your mouth.

...It’s delicious.

The flavor is rich and savory, perfectly balanced, and the texture is tender without being mushy. You blink in surprise, then take another bite.

“Good?” Jade asks, and there’s a slight smugness in his tone.

“It’s amazing,” you admit, unable to stop yourself from eating more.

Jade’s smile widens, and something in his expression softens.

After finishing the plate, you linger in the greenhouse as Jade continues tending to his terrariums. You watch him work, his hands deft and precise as he rearranges moss, misting the plants with care.

“Need help with anything?” you ask, feeling unexpectedly at ease.

He glances at you, then gestures to a nearby shelf. “If you don’t mind organizing the vials, that would be helpful.”

You nod and get to work, sorting the various bottles of nutrients and spores while Jade hums softly under his breath. The atmosphere is peaceful, the kind of quiet that feels alive rather than stifling.

Once the terrariums are in perfect order, Jade brews a pot of tea, and you both sit at a small table nestled among the plants. The tea is fragrant, its warmth soothing as you take a sip.

Jade sits across from you, one hand resting lightly on the table. Absentmindedly, you reach out and place your hand over his.

He freezes for a moment, his eyes flicking to your joined hands. His usual calm demeanor falters, a faint blush creeping up his neck. “You’re quite bold,” he murmurs, though there’s a hint of nervousness in his voice.

You suppress a grin, giving his hand a gentle squeeze before turning your attention back to your tea. “And you’re holding my hand,” you point out casually.

“I suppose I am,” he says, his voice steady again, though his ears are noticeably red.

The two of you sit there for a while longer, sipping tea and enjoying the greenhouse’s serenity. Jade, ever the polite menace, pretends to be unfazed, but you catch him glancing at your joined hands more than once.

You smile into your cup, the taste of mushrooms and tea lingering on your tongue.

You wake up to the sound of maniacal laughter, the kind that belongs to either an evil overlord or someone who just discovered how to unlock infinite in-game currency. For one groggy moment, you wonder if the devil himself has come to collect you for your sins. But as your eyes flutter open, reality (and dread) sets in.

It’s not the devil. It’s Floyd.

“Why?” you croak, sitting up in your chair and rubbing your eyes. “Why are you like this?”

Jade, ever the epitome of composed chaos, is sitting calmly across from you, sipping tea and looking highly amused. “Ah, you’re awake,” he says with a smile that suggests nothing good is about to happen.

“I had the best idea!” Floyd exclaims, still cackling. “It’s gonna be hilarious!”

Jade gives you a knowing look, the kind that says, This is going to be a disaster, but I want to watch it unfold.

You should probably shut this down. You should. But instead, you wave a hand and mumble, “Sure, go wild.”

It turns out “wild” was underselling it.

Floyd’s “brilliant” idea? Convince the Saintess to organize a grand sword-fighting competition under the premise that the Balding Prince would absolutely win. To no one’s surprise (except maybe the Saintess), she fell for it hook, line, and sinker.

“She’s been gushing about how he’s ‘a natural-born warrior,’” Floyd reports gleefully during the planning phase. “She’s even betting on him!”

You glance at Jade, who is practically glowing with smug anticipation. That should have been your first clue to intervene. Instead, you shrug and think, Eh, it’ll be fine.

It was, in fact, not fine.

When the announcement of the tournament goes public, the Balding Prince—bless his fragile ego—realizes he has a slight problem. Namely, the fact that he’s never held a sword in his life, let alone used one. Naturally, he comes crawling to you.

“I need a potion,” he demands, his tone somewhere between entitled and desperate. “To, uh, enhance my… swordsmanship.”

You lean back in your chair, trying to look unimpressed. “Oh, I don’t sell potions anymore,” you say airily.

The Prince glares at you, his bald spot gleaming under the room’s chandelier. “I’ll pay you.”

“You can’t afford me.”

“How about enough gold to fund your entire territory for the next twenty years?”

You sit up straight. “You drive a hard bargain, Your Highness.”

The potion you make for him is top-notch—for two hours. After that, well, let’s just say it’s going to be a long day for the Balding Prince.

The tournament goes about as chaotically as you expect. Jade, a genuinely skilled swordsman, carves his way through every round with ease. The Prince, meanwhile, is barely holding on, relying entirely on the potion to scrape by. Somehow, by sheer luck and Floyd’s endless meddling, the Prince manages to make it to the final round.

By this point, the Saintess is practically glowing with excitement, convinced her fiancé is about to cement his status as a legendary warrior. “He’s going to win for sure!” she squeals, clapping her hands.

You sip your tea, barely suppressing your smirk. Oh, sweet summer child.

The final round begins with Jade and the Prince stepping into the arena. The crowd roars with anticipation. The Saintess is preening in the stands, while the Empress looks vaguely mortified, as though she knows what’s about to happen but can’t stop it.

And then, right on cue, the potion wears off.

The Prince’s stance falters immediately, his grip on the sword going from “warrior” to “child holding a bat for the first time.” Jade doesn’t even have to try. One expertly placed strike sends the Prince’s weapon flying across the arena, and the match ends with the Prince sprawled on the ground, dazed and defeated.

The crowd erupts into laughter, and you’re pretty sure you see the Emperor facepalm.

To add insult to injury, the Emperor himself has to present the winner’s diadem to Jade. But instead of wearing it himself, Jade turns to you with a wicked grin.

“For you, my dear,” he says, placing the diadem on your head with a flourish.

The crowd loses it.

The Empress looks like she’s contemplating disowning her son on the spot. The Saintess bursts into tears and flees the arena, with the Prince stumbling after her, trying to explain his humiliating defeat.

You, meanwhile, stand in the center of the chaos, smiling peacefully.

“This,” you murmur, “is the best day of my life.”

The market was lively, the kind of lively that felt one loose cart wheel away from utter chaos. You’d gone there to buy something mundane—perhaps herbs, maybe a decorative pot, who even remembered anymore? What you did remember was spotting Azul, impeccably dressed as usual, standing at a stall that sold ornamental quills.

“Azul!” you called out, dragging Jade with you as you made your way over.

Azul turned, one brow arching as he spotted the two of you. “Ah, the duchess and her ever-present shadow. What brings you here?”

“Just window shopping,” you said vaguely, though Jade’s sudden fascination with terrarium accessories suggested otherwise.

One thing led to another, and before you knew it, the three of you were headed to a charming little café. It had the kind of ambiance that said, I’m wildly overpriced, but look at our aesthetic! Jade held the door open for you, and you stepped inside, marveling at the array of desserts in the display case.

You barely had time to settle into your seat when the atmosphere shifted.

There she was.

The Saintess.

You tried to ignore her, truly, but her obnoxious aura was as subtle as a bull in a porcelain shop. She was seated nearby, flanked by her entourage of lackeys. They whispered, they giggled, and they kept looking at you. You rolled your eyes and leaned closer to Jade and Azul, focusing on your conversation.

But peace, as usual, was not in the cards.

One of the lackeys—a girl who had the smug look of someone who thought her two brain cells were revolutionary—approached your table. In her hands was a steaming cup of tea, and the moment you saw it, a sense of foreboding settled over you.

And then, with all the subtlety of a villain in a children’s cartoon, she “tripped.”

The tea flew through the air in slow motion, a graceful arc of impending disaster. You braced for impact, but Jade moved faster. He stepped in front of you, shielding you from the scalding liquid. Most of it missed him, but a splash landed on his hand.

“Jade!” you exclaimed, grabbing his arm to inspect the burn.

Meanwhile, the lackey straightened herself up, not even bothering to fake remorse. “Oops,” she said, her tone so insincere it could’ve curdled milk. “It was an accident.”

“An accident?” you repeated, your voice rising. “You carried a boiling cup of tea across the room, aimed it at our table, and ‘accidentally’ threw it at us?”

She shrugged, her smirk widening. “My dad will pay for any damages. And you’re overreacting. It’s just tea.”

Overreacting? Oh, you were about to react, all right.

Azul, meanwhile, was unusually quiet. His tie had been stained in the splash zone, and his tight-lipped smile was beginning to look like it could crack glass.

The lackey continued, oblivious to the metaphorical storm clouds gathering over Azul. “Anyway, if you keep making a scene, it’ll just look bad for you. My dad’s pretty important, you know.”

“Oh?” Azul said suddenly, his voice as smooth as silk but with an edge sharp enough to cut steel. “And who might your father be?”

The lackey puffed up with pride. “He’s the finance manager for the duchess’s estate!”

There was a beat of silence. You exchanged a glance with Azul, and then your lips curled into a predatory smile.

“Azul,” you said sweetly, “guess whose daddy is about to lose his job?”

The ride back to your estate was tense—for you, at least. Jade sat calmly beside you, his hand resting on his knee, but you couldn’t stop fussing over his burn.

“Stop squirming,” you said, dabbing at his hand with a damp cloth.

“I’m fine,” Jade insisted, though his amused tone suggested he was enjoying your concern far too much.

“You’re not fine,” you retorted. “What if it scars? What if it gets infected?”

“Then I’ll have a mark to remember your attention by,” he said, his lips twitching into a half-smile.

You glared at him, but your fussing didn’t stop. By the time you reached the estate, you were practically vibrating with righteous fury.

The finance manager stood in your office, visibly confused.

“You’re fired,” you said bluntly.

His jaw dropped. “What? Why?”

You crossed your arms, your smile as sharp as a blade. “Ask your daughter.”

“What does she have to do with this?” he demanded, his face turning red.

“Everything,” you replied. “Guards, escort him out.”

He sputtered and protested, but you didn’t care. Justice had been served.

Later, after the physician had checked Jade’s hand and declared him fine, you collapsed onto the nearest couch, your exhaustion finally catching up to you. Without thinking, you ended up sprawled across Jade’s lap.

He stiffened, his hands hovering awkwardly before he cautiously placed one on your back to keep you from sliding off.

“Comfortable?” he asked dryly, though the faint pink on his cheeks betrayed him.

You hummed in response, already half-asleep. Within moments, your breathing evened out, and you nodded off.

Jade, for his part, was thoroughly smitten. His usual composure cracked as he replayed the day’s events—your fiery anger on his behalf, the way you’d fretted over his injury, and now, the way you looked so peaceful resting against him.

His fingers brushed a stray strand of hair from your face, and he allowed himself a rare, genuine smile.

“Quite the enigma,” he murmured to himself, already planning how to keep you close.

The ballroom was a spectacle of opulence. Chandeliers glittered overhead, casting soft golden light on the polished floors and the parade of nobles in their finest silks and velvets.

This was supposed to be a night of grand announcements, of declarations of love, and of the start of some “epic romance” that would undoubtedly be inscribed into the annals of history—or, at least, that's what the original novel promised.

But as you stood to the side with Jade and Floyd, it was evident that this version of events was hurtling off the rails.

Enter: the Duke of the North.

The poor man barely stepped into the ballroom before his eyes landed on the prince and the saintess. You could physically see the will to live drain out of him as his shoulders slumped, his gaze unfocused like he was calculating the fastest way to fake his own death and disappear into the wilderness.

It was almost pitiful. Almost.

The prince, meanwhile, had puffed up his chest and was grinning like he hadn’t recently been humiliated in front of half the kingdom. And the saintess—oh, she was trying, bless her delusional heart.

Smiling demurely, batting her lashes, and putting on a performance that might have worked if her reputation hadn’t already been stomped into the dirt by your carefully orchestrated chaos.

You leaned toward Jade and whispered, “I think the Duke’s trying to plot his own escape.”

Jade’s lips twitched in amusement, but he kept his usual calm demeanor. Floyd, however, cackled loudly enough to draw a few stares.

Then, the moment arrived: the prince stepped forward, his cape swishing dramatically as he raised his goblet. “Tonight, I announce my bride-to-be, the one chosen by the heavens themselves—the saintess!”

There was a smattering of applause, mostly out of obligation, but you were too busy watching the Duke. The man visibly sagged with relief, his shoulders dropping like he’d just been unshackled from a lifetime of servitude. You could practically hear the mental thank the gods echoing in his head.

And then, as if shedding the weight of the world, he turned on his heel and made a beeline—toward you.

You blinked, momentarily stunned as the Duke of the North, the supposed male lead, bowed deeply and extended a hand toward you. “Would you honor me with the first dance, my lady?”

You opened your mouth to decline, because this wasn’t in any script you remembered, but before you could utter a word, Jade smoothly stepped in.

“Apologies, Duke,” he said with his signature polite menace, “but she already promised this dance to me.”

Without waiting for a response, Jade’s hand found the small of your back, and he gently yet firmly guided you to the dance floor. The Duke was left standing there, his hand still outstretched, looking mildly bewildered.

“Don’t worry!” Floyd piped up, appearing out of nowhere. “I’ll dance with you!”

Before the Duke could protest, Floyd latched onto his arm and practically dragged him into a lively—and utterly chaotic—dance that looked like a mix of a waltz and a sparring match. The Duke’s expression alternated between horror and resignation, while Floyd grinned like he was having the time of his life.

You couldn’t help it—you laughed, the sound bubbling up uncontrollably as you watched the scene.

Jade glanced down at you, his expression softening as he took in your laughter. His usual cool demeanor melted for just a moment, replaced by something so tender it made your heart stutter.

The realization hit you like a lightning bolt.

Oh no. Oh no, no, no.

You were in love with him.

And not the “oh, he’s handsome and I tolerate his presence” kind of love. This was the “I want to spend my life laughing and dancing and plotting petty revenge schemes with you” kind of love.

The thought was overwhelming, and before you could stop yourself, you buried your face in Jade’s chest.

He stilled for a moment, surprised, but then his arms encircled you, holding you close as he continued to sway to the rhythm of the music.

He didn’t question it, didn’t tease you, didn’t even comment. Instead, he rested his chin lightly on top of your head, his voice low as he murmured, “Are you all right?”

You nodded into his chest, your cheeks burning as you clung to him like a lifeline.

As the music swelled around you, you felt his hand tighten slightly on your waist. When you finally peeked up at him, his gaze met yours, and there it was again—that look of unguarded adoration that made your knees weak.

It was, without a doubt, the best dance of your life.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the ballroom, the Duke of the North was being spun around like a rag doll by Floyd, who was cackling loud enough to echo off the walls.

You caught sight of the saintess in the corner, her smile strained and her fingers clutching her goblet so tightly it looked like it might shatter.

All was well in the world.

The ballroom was buzzing with conversation, the glittering chandeliers casting light on a gathering of nobles too caught up in their own intrigues to notice the storm brewing in one corner. That is, until a sharp, shrill voice cut through the air.

“You think you can just ruin my family and get away with it?” It was the girl whose arrogance had gotten her father fired. Her finger pointed straight at you, her expression a mix of fury and desperation.

The ballroom stilled as the girl pointed her trembling finger at you, her voice shrill enough to shatter glass. "You think you can destroy my family and just walk away? You're nothing but a tyrant with too much power and zero empathy!"

Her father, standing nearby, was frantically gesturing for her to stop. “D-Dear, perhaps we should—”

“Shut it, Father! I’m handling this!” she snapped, tossing her poorly styled curls over her shoulder. She turned back to you, eyes blazing. “Everyone should know what kind of monster you are. Workplace harassment! That’s right—I said it!”

Before you could even process the absolute absurdity of the accusation, the Duke of the North stepped forward like some knight in an overwrought romance novel.

“You will not speak of her in such a way,” he declared, his voice booming with righteous indignation. “The duchess is a paragon of nobility and grace!”

The crowd collectively oohed, but before you could roll your eyes hard enough to dislocate something, the Saintess shot to her feet, looking utterly scandalized.

“This man,” she hissed, gesturing wildly at the Duke, “didn’t even fight for me, his divinely chosen match, but now he defends her? A woman who flaunts her defiance of heaven’s will? Blasphemy!”

“Blasphemy?” you muttered under your breath. “Blasphe-you, lady…”

Unfortunately, the Balding Prince chose this moment to stumble into the fray. “Uh… Are we…arguing?” He puffed up his chest, desperately trying to seem relevant. “As prince, I demand order!”

You took one look at him, with his shiny scalp gleaming under the chandeliers, and decided he wasn’t even worth the effort.

Meanwhile, Jade, ever the picture of composed menace, sidled up to your side. His eyes locked onto the Duke’s hand, which was still resting on yours. With a polite but firm gesture, Jade brushed the Duke’s hand away as though it carried the plague.

The Duke looked affronted. Jade just smiled. But it wasn’t a nice smile. It was the kind of smile that promised future inconvenience.

You, however, had officially hit your limit. You stepped forward, raising your voice over the din. “Enough!”

The room froze. All eyes turned to you as you launched into your tirade, starting with the Saintess.

“You!” You pointed directly at her, ignoring the way her cheeks flushed with outrage. “Do you honestly think the universe revolves around you just because you’ve got a shiny necklace and a tragic backstory? Newsflash: It doesn’t. The only divine will I’ve seen is everyone’s will to avoid your self-righteous sermons. Go back to your prayer circle and spare us your dramatics.”

Her mouth opened in shock, but you were already turning to the Balding Prince.

“And you! Stop sending letters to my estate asking for potions to grow hair or stretch your bones. I’m a duchess, not a miracle worker, and no amount of magic can make you interesting. Get a personality—or at least a hat.”

The prince turned beet red, his hands twitching as though debating whether to flee or argue. You didn’t care.

You swung your gaze to the girl whose father you’d fired. “And as for you, congratulations. You’ve just confirmed that stupidity really is hereditary. Your dad didn’t lose his job because of me. He lost it because he was stealing more money than the royal treasury had left after your little shopping sprees. You’re lucky I didn’t throw both of you in jail.”

Her father, now sweating through his cravat, looked like he might faint on the spot.

Finally, you turned to the Duke. “And you. I appreciate the effort, really. It’s sweet that you think I need defending. But I’m not a damsel in distress. I don’t need saving. And, oh—” You reached out, grabbing Jade by the arm. “I happen to have a fiancé whom I adore. So maybe put your chivalry elsewhere.”

Jade, for his part, looked smug as he allowed himself to be pulled along, his composure completely unshaken.

The ballroom fell into stunned silence as you swept toward the exit. Then—

Floyd’s laughter broke through like a cannon blast. He doubled over, clutching his stomach as tears streamed down his face. “Oh my god—that was amazing—! Balding prince—hat—”

Azul smirked, hiding his amusement behind a gloved hand. “Well, that was certainly… enlightening.”

You didn’t even look back as you pushed open the grand doors. “Idiots, the lot of them,” you muttered.

As you exited the ballroom, you couldn’t help but glance up at Jade. He looked unusually pleased, his lips curling into a faint, satisfied smile.

“What?” you asked, narrowing your eyes.

“Nothing,” he said smoothly, though the twinkle in his eye said otherwise. “I simply find your methods... inspiring.”

The two of you made it past the grand doors before the realization hit you like a carriage with no brakes.

You had just declared, in front of everyone, that you loved Jade.

And he knew it. Oh, did he know it.

He walked beside you, his usual calm and collected demeanor now infused with an insufferable smugness. His smile was the kind that could sell snake oil to a herpetologist.

“Darling,” he said, his voice laced with honeyed amusement, “you’re unusually quiet. Cat got your tongue? Or perhaps you’re shy after your… heartfelt proclamation?”

You refused to meet his gaze. “Shut up,” you muttered, staring resolutely at the carpeted hallway like it held the secrets to the universe.

“Now, now,” he crooned, leaning closer. “Why won’t you look at me? Surely you wouldn’t deny me the honor of basking in the gaze of my beloved?”

Your face burned hotter than the ballroom chandeliers. You covered it with your hands. “Leave me here,” you said dramatically. “Leave me here to rot in peace.”

Jade chuckled, and it was the kind of sound that sent shivers down your spine—warm, teasing, and entirely too pleased. “Why on earth would I do that?” he asked, his tone deceptively innocent. “Especially when my beloved looks so… endearing in their embarrassment.”

You peeked through your fingers, ready to deliver some biting retort, but the words died in your throat.

Jade’s expression had shifted. He wasn’t just amused anymore—he was smitten. The way his mismatched eyes softened as they looked at you, the faint smile that carried more affection than smugness, the subtle tilt of his head like you were the most fascinating thing in the world—it was all too much.

“Stop looking at me like that,” you grumbled, your voice weak.

“Like what?” he asked, feigning ignorance as he gently reached for your hands.

You tried to resist, but he was insistent, pulling them away from your face with a tenderness that made your heart ache. Before you could think to stop him, he leaned in and kissed you.

It wasn’t just a teasing peck to rile you up—it was slow, deliberate, and completely disarming. You melted against him, any thoughts of resistance dissolving as you instinctively pulled him closer.

When you finally broke apart, breathless and slightly dazed, you couldn’t help but think that maybe—just maybe—this book wasn’t the irredeemable mess you’d always thought it was.

After all, it had given you him.

The decision to expedite the wedding wasn’t exactly born of romance. It was born of the Duke’s increasingly deranged letters, the last of which included a poem so long and melodramatic it might as well have been a novel in verse.

Jade, to his credit, only raised a single brow at your muttered curses as you ripped the latest letter into confetti. “Darling,” he said mildly, “perhaps this is a sign to finalize our own arrangements before our dear Duke decides to recite his poetry at your doorstep.”

You had agreed, of course, which led to your current predicament: drowning in swatches, floral arrangements, and pamphlets for curtains—curtains, of all things.

“This one feels too garish,” you muttered, holding up a deep crimson drape. “But this one’s too boring,” you added, pointing at a pale beige option. You groaned and flopped back in your chair, glaring at the wedding planner. “Why is there no middle ground? What am I paying you for?”

The poor planner looked like he wanted to crawl under the table and never come out. Before you could unleash more frustration, Jade plucked the pamphlets from your hands with infuriating ease.

“Enough,” he said, his tone firm but fond. “You’ll give yourself gray hairs fretting over curtains. We can always elope, you know.”

You gaped at him. “Elope?”

His smile turned mischievous. “Yes. A quiet ceremony in the woods, perhaps, with only the birds as witnesses. Far from meddling Dukes and curtain debates.”

For a moment, you almost entertained the idea. But then you shook your head, laughing softly. “I suppose I’m being a bit dramatic.”

“A bit,” Jade echoed, though his teasing lilt softened as he leaned down to kiss your forehead. “You don’t have to do this alone, my love. Delegate.”

The wedding planner, who had been cowering behind a stack of color charts, practically lit up. “Oh, yes! Delegate! Please, delegate!”

You sighed, leaning into Jade’s touch. “Fine. You’re in charge now.”

The planner looked as though he might fall to his knees and kiss Jade’s shoes in gratitude. Jade, ever the picture of elegance, merely chuckled.

“Excellent choice,” he said smoothly, guiding you away from the table of chaos. “Now, let’s find something far more enjoyable to argue about—like the wedding cake flavors.”

As you walked away, you couldn’t help but marvel at how easily Jade managed to turn your stress into something almost enjoyable. Perhaps rushing the wedding wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

The room was an over-the-top vision of wealth: chandeliers the size of small planets, flowers flown in from who-knows-where, and a cake so tall you were half-convinced Floyd could climb it and look smug doing it. Every noble in the kingdom was here, decked out in silks and sequins, pretending they weren’t secretly gossiping about you and your eel fiancé.

You barely noticed. Jade was standing in front of you, looking so unfairly ethereal you wondered if the universe had been playing favorites. His mismatched eyes were locked on yours, and his smile was small but so genuine you almost forgot your carefully planned vows.

Then, of course, chaos. Because how could anything in your life go smoothly?

From the back of the ballroom came a loud, wet, obnoxious wail.

“Oh, for the love of God,” you muttered under your breath, and Jade’s lips quirked in amusement.

“I LOVED HER FIRST!” the Duke sobbed dramatically, his voice shaking with the intensity of his grief.

“Shut your mouth before I shut it permanently,” Floyd snapped, his voice cutting through the crowd like a knife.

And if that wasn’t enough, you could faintly hear Azul’s oily, persuasive tone somewhere off to the side. “Yes, Lord Evermore, just a tiny signature on this insignificant little contract. You’re not using your soul for much, anyway, are you?”

You pinched the bridge of your nose, biting back a laugh. This wasn’t just a wedding—it was your wedding. Of course it was going to be chaotic.

But when you looked up, there was Jade, his gaze steady and full of a quiet devotion that made the rest of the madness blur into the background. His vows were perfect, as expected, and when it came your turn, you stumbled over the words a little, because how were you supposed to focus when he was looking at you like that?

Then came the kiss.

Jade dipped you in one smooth motion, his lips brushing yours with a tenderness that sent the room spinning. Applause erupted, and you swore you heard someone sniffling behind you.

“Is the Duke crying again?” you murmured against Jade’s lips.

“I believe Floyd threatened him,” Jade replied, far too amused.

“And Azul’s... oh no, is he signing contracts?”

Jade only smirked, kissing you again. “Should I be worried that you’re more interested in their antics than your new husband?”

“I’m not—wait, husband?” You blinked at him, the word sinking in, and for the first time in ages, you felt completely, blissfully happy.

As you stood there with your chaotic, ridiculous found family around you, you couldn’t help but smile. Sure, your life had taken a turn for the absurd, but if it brought you to this moment, maybe that cursed mushroom wasn’t so bad after all.

“Remind me to thank that mushroom,” you said with a grin.

Jade’s laughter was soft, warm, and entirely yours. “If it brought us together, I might build it a shrine.”

You laughed, pulling him closer. You’d faced chaos and conspiracies, chaos and hilarity, but in this moment, you couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.

Trash Novel Masterlist

All Masterlists

[gloomwitchwrites]

You've shown them as parents....but what about the 141 guys as first time dads? Like how are they during the delivery or the first time they held their baby? It doesn't have to strictly be a hospital setting, maybe it's a home birth?

Surprisingly, you're not the only person who asked this. I had two others ask for something really similar to this. So, this is me combining them all into one post!

cw: childbirth, fluff, pregnancy

Soap who is playing video games on his phone during the early stages of labor. Soap who also sets the video games aside when you go into active labor. Soap who is nervous but does his best to not show it (and does a terrible job not showing how nervous he is.) Soap who tries to dissolve the tension and anxiety by cracking jokes. This earns him a smack over the back of the head and a verbal threat of divorce. Soap who is locked in and focused during delivery, doing his best to encourage you as you push. Soap who grimaces when you squeeze his hand too hard but doesn't complain. Soap who watches the baby emerge with shock, awe, disgust, and fascination. Totally makes an inappropriate joke about it. Soap who is grinning from ear to ear once that baby is placed skin-to-skin in your arms. Soap who never stops smiling the rest of the time while in hospital and on the way home.

Gaz who supported your choice for a home birth over a hospital birth even though he disagrees. Gaz who does everything possible to assist the midwife and doula but still makes sure you have his entire attention. Gaz who does his best to speak calmly and soothingly to you even though he's anxious. Gaz who packed bags just in case you have to be transferred to the hospital. Gaz who allows you to cling to him and moan into his shoulder as you push. Gaz who cradles you in his arms as you’re handed the baby. Gaz who cherishes the skin-to-skin contact with his newborn when it’s his turn to hold them. Gaz who is realizing his whole world is starting to shift to surround this tiny human.

Price who tries to appear like he's in control of himself and his emotions Price who does his best to make sure you’re as comfortable as possible. Pillows fluffed? On it. Back rub? He won't stop until you say so. Anything, and he'll see it done. Price who severely overpacked and brought far too many things to the hospital. Price who constantly holds your hand, refusing to let go. Price who worries that the worst might happen even though he knows you have a great team taking care of you. Price who is so ready to be a father but is also terrified. Price who is in awe of you for going through this process and vows to cherish you even more every day for the rest of your lives together. Price who can't stop admiring the tiny little human that came out of you. He's obsessed with the itty-bitty fingernails and toes.

Ghost who is outwardly calm, cool, and collected, but internally is a mess. Ghost who is hyper focused on you. Whatever you need or want, you get. Ghost who is the first voice in the room to advocate for your health and safety. Ghost who appears scary and ominous to those around him, but is completely gentle and encouraging with you while you labor. Ghost who never flinches or complains when you squeeze his hand too hard. Ghost who never leaves your side during the whole ordeal. Ghost who tells you how proud he is of you while stroking your hair as you cradle your newborn against your chest. Ghost who, when he finally gets the chance to hold his child in his arms, doesn't want to put them down for anything. Ghost who realizes he now has the chance to be the father that he wishes he had growing up.

main masterlist

[kissedsuns]

♥︎ 𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆, lando norris

fem!reader. minimal suggestive behaviour. pet names. lots of fluff. established relationship. kissing. ₊ 𓂃 masterlist.

as many know, lando norris is quite the busy man, professional when required yet terribly unorganised, his tight schedule allowing him to pardon his tragic mess of a house when he simply cannot tend to it. lando is also known to have one of the sweetest girlfriends to walk this earth, which would obviously be you.

he loves you, that much he is most certain of— lando is very much aware of your feelings for him, that you love being able to look after him, you’re his angel, the girl of his dreams...

but sometimes, he feels terrible that you have to come to his home and maneuver through all of his clothes shamelessly tossed onto the floor, or several boxes cluttering up the space of his bedroom. they were already unboxed, but lando hadn't the time of day to rid his house of such a mess.

he was embarrassed. his lifestyle is far too chaotic to be meshing with yours.

he was about to head off to austria for yet another race weekend, and you intended to stay at his place instead.

even when lando mumbled a honeyed “it’s no fun without you.” into your hair, you reluctantly turned him down; usually not one to refuse him of anything when he looked at you with that specific softened green colouring in his eyes.

“you’ll be stuck here in this shithole. do you seriously want that?”

“lando, i already told you,” you caressed his cheek softly, legs dangling off the side of the bed where the two of you were perched. your foot would occasionally brush the side of one of his gaming consoles that were thrown onto the floor. “i don’t care about the mess. it’s okay.”

to lando, you were the most understanding girl in the world.

“alright, alright, sweet thing,” he planted two soft kisses to each of your rosy, flushed cheeks. “i’ll be back before you know it.”

on his way out, luggage in hand, you swatted his ass cheekily, earning one of his hilariously girlish yelps.

with him gone, it gave you an ample amount of time to relax.

you managed to spend the rest of the afternoon pampering yourself with a face mask, a bubble bath, and a fresh coat of nail polish in a dreamy shade of pink.

as the evening rolled around you found yourself sprawled across his bed, lounging in a matching pyjama set paired with your favourite fluffy socks. lying on your stomach with your legs kicking in the air, you flipped through a glossy magazine brimming with juicy, but unnecessary, celebrity gossip.

it was peaceful, until your mind began to wander. your eyes trailed across the room, really taking in just how cluttered your boyfriend’s space had become.

you knew he wasn’t a messy guy; in fact, he couldn’t stand hoarding or unnecessary chaos. if only he had someone to tidy it all up for him.

oh, if only.

the thought lingered in your mind as you assessed state of the room. you loved cleaning, keeping things neat and organised was practically second nature to you. but lando would never expect, let alone rely on you to tidy up his space.

still, the longer you observed the mess, the stronger the urge to help grew.

so, that is precisely what you did when you scrambled to sit up and set the magazine aside.

you got busy, plugging in your airpods as you gathered lando’s scattered clothes and tossed them into the washing machine. once that was sorted, you tackled the empty cardboard boxes, discarding them properly and clearing up some much-needed space.

junk was removed from his gaming setup, his helmet display shelf was dusted and reorganised to the way it was (before it got a little crowded and lando forgot to take care of it), and finally, his apartment looked a little more cozy.

it would be a few nights without him, which you didn’t mind. it just gave you more of an opportunity to do some harmless decorating!

you took that time to slip away to a lovely flower shop and couldn’t resist picking up a few bouquets of tulips, creamy white roses, and some lilies too. you arranged them in mismatched glass vases, placing one on the dining table, another on the coffee table, and a smaller one on his nightstand.

you also thought his bathroom looked a tad bland, and lando knew it too, so what better way to fix the problem than a little scrubbing up?

you also couldn’t help but notice his bathroom looked a bit plain, and you knew lando thought it too, son what better excuse to freshen it up than with a little scrubbing?

the sink and mirror was left spotless, his scattered toiletries were neatly grouped on a tray (which you made sure to clean as well), and you borrowed a sweet, vanilla candle from the living room to set on the counter.

you stepped back to admire your work, adding a few final touches with a proud smile on your face.

there were only a few days left until lando came home, and you kept yourself busy, finding little things to do and spaces to tidy up.

you were just lounging on the couch, the sun finally setting, just minding your business watching some girly series in a small cami and lacy shorts that you could never see yourself watching with your boyfriend.

you didn’t make any attempt to move as you heard the front door lock click and the sound of heavy footsteps making their way towards the living room.

sock-covered feet pad along the hardwood floors when you finally heard the lock of the front door turning. lando was home later than usual— a fact you were entirely too aware of since you were impatiently waiting for him to return.

usually, you’d stir awake to him smearing kisses all over your face and mumbling sweetened words about how much he missed you over the race weekend, but now it was your turn to give him a little surprise.

“baby, i’m home, hellooo?” he sang, grinning from ear to ear.

you were not exactly sure how to approach him, hesitant in your movements before you saw him in front of you in all his glory.  

“hi,” your voice was meek, careful not to startle him too much in his vulnerable, barely functioning state.

lando was in the process of mindlessly kicking off his shoes when he looked up; a tired smile tugging at his lips when you practically tumbled into his arms.

you mumbled something to him which was muffled against his chest when he rested his big hands on your hips in an attempt to steady you.  

“hey, princess,” he murmured into you hair. “did ya get up to much?” he reluctantly pulled away in order to look at you properly.

“you tell me.”

his brows climbed his forehead, moony eyes staring down at you in bewilderment before being ushered towards the bedroom. it took him a minute to take in his surroundings, but when he noticed the lack of dirty socks and a lot of open space to walk around in, his face lit up.

“i just wanted to keep myself occupied while you were away,” she says bashfully, almost as if waiting for his approval.

“you did this? all by yourself?”

you nodded, looking up at him with pure adoration swimming in your eyes. 

“you’re so fucking perfect, baby. i don’t know what i did to deserve you, but you’ve turned my place into a goddamn dream.” he couldn’t help his mouth from twisting upwards at the way your eyes rounded out in response to his words. 

“you’re just saying that,” you dismissed him with a playful scoff. 

“m’being so, so serious. look at this—look at you. you didn’t have to do any of this, but you did. you always do. god, how’d i get so damn lucky?” he swooned, pressing a soft kiss to your cheek; overwhelming you to no end. 

his gaze sweeped over every detail, from the flowers to the perfectly fluffed pillows on the bed.

“sooo, i take it that you like it?”  

he let out a sigh. “sooo, you’re really askin’ me that?”

a giggle escaped your lips, head lolling slightly, “just had to be sure… do you?”

with a roll of his eyes, he quickly closed the gap between you, giving you a kiss so casual and natural, it made your lashes flutter rapidly. sticky gloss transferred onto his mouth that he didn’t even bother to wipe away.

you pull back slowly, breathless smiles on both their lips. you wanted to linger there together, wanted to stay in their own little bubble.

“does that answer your question?”

but with his lips on yours, in that moment, it didn't matter to you in the slightest.

you cheekily yanked him back in for another kiss, giving his fluffy curls a little tug. you felt him smile against your lips, and you couldn’t help but laugh at the thought of his room getting messy again ... your clothes scattered across the floor as he hoisted you up and practically threw you onto the bed, completely ruining the freshly made bedding!

all that hard work for him to just make his room and you all messy again?

but with his lips on yours, none of that mattered in the slightest.

©KISSEDSUNS 2024.

[wonderjanga]

Fairy King

The day was normal if not, relatively boring. There had been the usual alien invasion, which the JL swiftly took out. Now they were in a meeting being hosted by Batman so they could go over everything that just happened as if they weren’t there. Now see when the meeting was over was when things got interesting.

JL: *all about to get up so they can go home*

Marvel: “Guys, before we go, can I announce something?”

JL: *groans because they just wanna go home and sleep after that entire ordeal, but still sit down*

Marvel: “I promise it’ll be quick. Look, I’m getting married-”

JL: *half their jaws drop while the other half is still processing what he said*

Marvel: “-And I want you guys all to come.”

JL: *the other half’s jaws drop too now*

Supes: “Wha…? Cap, what do you mean you’re getting married?”

Marvel: *passing out invites* “I mean I’m getting married. To the Fairy Queen. As a result of a treaty to get her to stop waging war on the gnomes.”

JL: *all stare*

Marvel: “Oh, don’t worry guys. Fairy lifespans are only about five years. She’s already a little more than halfway though.”

Flash: “Is that a good thing…?”

Marvel: “For me it is. Don’t get me wrong, it’s absolutely terrible that she’s gonna die, but I don’t really wanna be married to anyone so…”

*silence*

Marvel: “Anyways! I would really love if you guys came.”

They did. After all, they did not want to miss this. Some of the guys even got to go into the dressing room and talk to Marvel.

Marvel: *doing his tie in the mirror, trying to remember how Tawny taught him*

Aquaman: “So… are you guys gonna have any kids?”

Marvel: “No? Why?”

Aquaman: “Well, you know, royal marriages are normally completed after consummation.”

Marvel: *slowly looks over to him with a horrified expression before the expression disappears* “Wait a minute. Fairies make kids by combining magic! Geez… you had me worried for a sec.”

Flash: “So I guess we’ll be seeing another mini Cap running around then.”

Marvel: “What do you mean by another?”

Flash: “Mary is basically a mini you if you were a girl. And Junior? He uh… looks like you too. Kinda. But I’m mostly talking about Mary.”

Marvel: “Oh. I guess so then. We’ll have another mini me. Yay.”

Aquaman: “Will they go into heroics too?”

Marvel: *pauses fiddling with his tie* “Now that I think about it, I don’t know. I guess I’ll have to see what my future wife thinks.”

It was all in all a beautiful wedding. Junior was Cap’s best man. Mary was a flower girl. Flash got to stuff his face with human and fairy food. Aquaman talked politics with some of the fairy politicians. Batman talked about security and defense with some retired warrior fairies. It was nice.

A month later…

Marvel: “Hey guys! Wanna meet my baby?” *has a baby strapped to his chest*

GL: “Whaaaaaaat…?” *rapidly looking between the baby and Marvel before coming to a realization* “Oh is this your fairy baby?”

Marvel: “Yup!”

GL: “Aww look at the little guy.” *reaches over to poke the babies’ cheek*

Fairy Baby: *bites his hand with surprisingly sharp teeth*

Flash: *screams*

[barbaralimao]

Look, I've learned about Calvin in school, all right, both fundamental and high school, but as my books were marxist, we learned it in the way of "oh, and this shitty guy is one of the reason why capitalism SUCKS, the USA is the worst place on earth, Imperialism IS THE DEVIL ITSELF. Do you know how the Portuguese fucked us over? SO, it would be WAY WORSE if they were Calvinists." (I went to school in Brazil in the turn of the century, we were having a ball after the end of the Dictatorship and showing critical everything to everyone. And while I do not like the marxists interpretation in my school books, it's only because it takes our agency on major things of our history).

And that's it, I followed with my culturally catholic life with a deep distrust of evangelicals and stuff (THEY BROKE IMAGES OF THE VIRGIN MARY IN THE 2000, HOW CAN YOU TRUST THEM), only to come to the year 2022 of our lord, with evangelicals and neopentecostal and megachurches on the rise, the drug traffic and the churches working together and stuff, and I decide to sit down with a collegue that is breaking free of his church to talk about cultural differences between growing up catholic and growing up evangelical. He was explaining something to me and I was so confused, so, so confused. Then something dawned on me. "WHERE'S the free will????? People don't get to MAKE A CHOICE?" and he was so confused. That's when he was introduced to the concept of free will and I was introduced to the concept of manifest destiny live in technicolor, and then there's the two of us having the biggest crisis of our life. "HOW can you follow this religion if everything is already decided? How can you believe in a God that makes you live in fear? How can you think that being afraid is love? That doing things to avoid punishment is better than doing things because you want to, out of the goodness of your heart? How can you live without recognizing that everyone is both good and bad, and goodness is a thing we choose? That sometimes you sin, because you're human and this is our nature, but everyone deserves another chance to change?". He only got angry and stormed off. And before this, I got really angry when they used Christians without including obviously christian religions like catholicism and kardecism (the two other biggest in my country), but after that I'm like. Yeah. If being Christian is whatever you guys got going, catholics are definitely not it. Of course the catholic church has a fuckton of crimes and IS terrible, there's extemists and stuff (I don't even go anymore, fuck them), but like, I can't imagine what it does to someone's brain to grow up in so much fear. In my family, we joke that the evangelical churches seem to love more the Devil and Hell than God and Heaven, because they only speak of them. The first time I heard hell in a mass I was almost thirty and EVERYONE was so pissed at the priest for that sermon that he ended up being removed from the parish.

Anyway, we may not be rich or chosen or anything like that, we have our faults, but at least we care for each other, and in the end that's what matters. And as a country that was marjorly catholic, our constitution follows this principles - to the point that it's way more advanced and offers way more protection to minorities than what the society today would like. Our problem now is that the evangelicals are on the rise, and with them the ideas of exceptionalism and that you should not help the poor and these ridiculous stuff and they prey this same poor and vulnerable people, while throwing rocks at priests that feed and treat the homeless. This is not a metaphor, they are actually trying to outlaw giving food to homeless people, mostly because of one priest that does this in a huge city (with the help of the nearby mosque, I must add!).

Anyway, I got derailed, but what I want to say is that even if you are aware of the consequences of Calvin and his thoughts, sometimes you can't grasp how deep this influence goes and the implications until you see a change. I can say for myself that I never realised who deeply catholicism influenced the laws and the way people behave in my country until it began changing. In the end, growing up in a religion gives you a set a core beliefs about the world that shapes everything around it. The major religion (or lack of!) of a country has huge influence in about every single thing.

Me, starting a video that says it's going to explain how Victorian poorhouses fucked up the concept of charity forever: ok, show me what you've got

Video: it starts with the ideas of the Christian philosopher --

Me: DON'T SAY IT DON'T FUCKING SAY IT

Video: -- John Calvin

Me:

[yanderedrabbles]

omg I'm drooling over the Yandere Pirate fic. But it's kinda got me curious - who do you think is the worst guy you've written? Who's the absolute biggest bastard?

(On the other end of the spectrum, I think Boyfriend yandere is still the sweetest)

Hoo boy have I written some awful men. I think Yandere! Pirate is pretty terrible because he masquerades his own lust and cruelty as kindness but he's nowhere near the worst. Let's rank 'em.

5. Yandere! Stalker/Cop is a nice guy most of the time, and as a boyfriend he's pretty great. But it's his stalker persona that gets him on this list. He's left your pet's head in a box for you to find. He's broken into your house more times than he can remember. He's threatened and frightened you, all for the sake of getting you in his arms.

4. Yandere! Cowboy is mean, possessive and overly territorial. Instead of asking you out for a dance or bringing you flowers, his idea of courting is pinning you against a wall and finger fucking you until you're shaking and crying and begging him to be gentle. He uses the expectations of society to force you into being his wife. No one will want you now that he's taken your virginity, you know that don't you sugar? And your daddy will be horrified to learn you've been fooling around out in the barn like a slut. You don't want him to find out, do ya?

3. Yandere! State Trooper gets off on power, no two ways about it. He tries to be nice about it at first, make you rely on him by getting rid of all those pesky speeding tickets. But when you don't fall for it, he gets awfully nasty. Police brutality is one word for it, and manipulative malpractice is another. And the worst part? His buddies on the force will always cover for him. If you ever get brave enough to take him to court, you'll find his body cam footage is totally scrubbed. And his dash cam just happened to be malfunctioning on the night in question. You're trapped by the long (and buff) arms of the law.

2. Yandere! Greek Champion is going to the worst place in the underworld for what he did to you. And even knowing that, he'd do it again. He has no fear of the Gods, no respect or reverence. He's a man willing to fuck a virgin priestess on the floor of her temple, right in front of the holy shrine. You think that sort of man will ever be kind? Or noble? No way baby.

And without further ado, the worst man I've written to date is....

Yandere! Cyberpunk Riot Control Officer. You knew it was coming. I knew it was coming. He wins this contest hands down (or tied behind your back preferably). Anal without prep or lube. Fucking you with the baton he was using to crack skulls a few hours ago. Manipulating riot laws just to have his way with you. He's an awful guy but even worse, he's the product of a State just as cruel and depraved as he is. How else could he get away with doing this to you?

(And they aren't even the worst I've thought of - more despicable bastards coming soon).

[psychemochanight]

Ok, but a canon-divergent AU where Bruce is a terrible father figure to Dick, but he doesn't know it.

Of course, in canon Bruce is far from being a perfect father (even a good one in many cases), but at least he cares about Dick, even if he has a peculiar way of showing it (I'm talking to you, Bruce, who decides if saving the world is worth it only if Dick will be okay).

But imagine an AU where everything happened the same, or almost, except that neither Alfred nor Bruce cared to show, not even kindness, but that much empathy for Dick. However, in this AU Dick's father was not very affectionate either, so Dick does not associate male figures as affectionate.

It's not until Dick is with his team that he learns... That's not normal.

Dick: So... You guys didn't train until you pass out? Weren't you taught that the only way to get better is to push your own limits?

Roy: *wanting to kill Bruce* No, Dick. The first thing they teach you is how to stay safe, you know, avoid getting to the point where you pass out from the effort.

Dick: Oh.

Donna: Dick, you should rest, you're hurt. You literally have a broken ankle.

Dick, who is at the gym, doing arm exercises and twists that are not at all safe for an injured person: I'm fine, Donna. I'm just warming up. I've been on patrol in worse conditions.

Donna: Wdym by that? Worse???

Dick: Yes...? Villains don't take a break just because you're hurt, you know that.

Donna: That's why there are other heroes to help!

Dick: Don't you guys have a rule about not taking help from anyone? That shows weakness and...

Donna: No, Dick, no.

Dick, confused: Oh.

Wally: Please tell me you're not doing that thing again.

Dick: What thing?

Wally: Not sleeping or eating to be on guard.

Dick: Well, it's my job, so...

Wally: You. Are. A. Human. YOU NEED REST AND FOOD.

Dick: I'm fine, it's not like...

Wally: Don't you dare say that Batman made you stay in those conditions for more days. That's NOT normal, Dick.

Dick: ... It's not?

Dick: So... you guys aren't on guard all the time waiting for your mentors to surprise attack you to test your reflexes?

Roy: I swear to God I gonna kill him.

Donna: I'll help.

Wally: On it.

Dick: *panics*

It's even worse for his friends when they discorver that his siblings are being treated much better, as after he leaves, Bruce and Alfred finally begin to notice how to treat children.

Dick was literally trial and error.

[boiling-potato]

".... although I wonder why your hatred is so strong as to be against every member, with trickster I understand but with the rest? My oh my I just don't understand you my friend" -viktor

....

Headcanon is Viktor can see through everyone's bullshit, including Casimir so he can't really hide any of his true feelings around Viktor,,, and it kinda annoys Cas a little of how smart his friend is lol

Also, side note but I just realized,, when I was making this it kinda dawned on me that Trickster,, is such a terrible friend/master here. Think about it, she does in fact replace every single one of them, she takes people who suffered and put them in a house full of murderers to be either; becomes a murderer themselves or become a victim. And once she puts them there, she kind of disappears for a couple of years not caring if the person survives or not. The reason why the original members become who they are now is she doesn't realize that what she's doing is wrong, she doesn't realize that what they're doing to her is also unhealthy. The reason why Trickster doesn't like being there is once she comes back, her family doesn't let her back out for a couple of years, wanting her to also stay with them forever, also killing her and tormenting her all over again but she thinks it's normal to have a family like this.. Yeah, I guess I just wanted to rant about it hahah

Anyway HAPPY BIRTHDAY (and a late Christmas) TO MY DEAR FRIEND, LILAC!! (aka @dackychansworldofhoshino ) Buddy I know we haven't been friends that long but we're really glad to have you here, being part of the milkshake mansion and also being one my sweetest mootss~!!! Hope you enjoy your special day with the people you love and loves you back!! And again, happy birthday!! (⁠*⁠˘⁠︶⁠˘⁠*⁠)⁠.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡🎄🎄🎁🎁❤️❤️💕💕‼️‼️✨✨

-----

Casimir, Trickster and the Milkshake Mansion belong to yours truly, me~!

Viktor (the guy with the braids) belong to our birthday boy, @dackychansworldofhoshino !!

Luck (the cute guy with wings) belongs to @lucytsukii !

And Felice (the curly haired cutie!) belongs to @chipi-chupi-chips !

[quesocheeso]

Is it wrong I want someone to be on Wukong’s side? And I’m not talking about kiss asses like the brotherhood and probably most of the celestials. But someone giving Wukong advice that he needs, not afraid of smacking Wukong in the head for doing/saying something stupid, telling off people who put Wukong down or saying mean things about him like PIF and Nezha, and just being a good real friend to Wukong.

And please don’t say Macaque because there is a reason why they separated and Macaque got primary custody of MK.

A.k.a. they’re terrible lack of communication skills. 

Tbf most of the PIF and Nezha things are all bloopers so they aren’t against him actually in the story, it’s why they are all part of asks and not in actual chapters,,, you can say Nezha is antagonistic but that’s just part of their history and he’s not an actual asshole and he will be hostile in the coming chapters but that’s towards everyone and not just Wukong. And PIF legitimately has no reason to be mean to Wukong as of now compared to canon, so no she’s not always mean to Wukong and usually just bickers with him lightheartedly. I just think it’s funny when she’s like ughh with him, but she’s not actually like that and Wukong knows. They share tea sometimes.

You also have to take in mind that there is not a lot of chapters out so you can’t just assume no one is on Wukong’s side, we’ve just been seeing more of Macaque because that’s where the story is right now and most of the asks I get involve Macaque. Wukong has his Marshalls and Generals on his side, people who have been with him for a long time, longer than Macaque has, and I’d say DBK is a good friend to him, there is no bad blood between them and he is part of his court.

And along those lines, you guys still don’t have all the info on shadowpeach, right now all you can do is assume, and yeah their separation does involve some miscommunication but not as bad as you think, it’s mainly about safety and problems that arose because of the attack I mentioned before. They both agreed that it would be safer to raise Xiaotian in FFM, and he is not prevented or discouraged from going to the Celestial Realm.

Why do you think they still share space and nest even after the move? They’re not at each other’s throat they’re actually quite vibing, sure there are problems but what is shadowpeach without them

Let me cook guys, I’m cooking a feast

[sports-on-sundays]

i NEED some pedri enemies to lovers where the reader is dating joao felix and he is really abusive to her and when pedri finds out in a party he defends the reader

got your back / Pedri González

Summary: Pedri x female!reader - Pedri hates you. Well, that is, until he's faced with a situation to genuinely be concerned with you. Then? Of course he doesn't hate you!

Warnings: mention of sexual abuse/crossing boundaries, discomfort, language, unwanted physical/sexual action being pushed, mention of sickness, having to fake happiness/being fine, physical abuse, anxiety, fear, don't read if you could be sensitive to anything here- I'd hate to hurt anyone or bring back any pain or anxiety anyone might have - read at your own risk!

Author's Note: I got nothing against João, so instead of using him, I just made the guy an unnamed La Liga player, because I don't want to paint anyone in a terrible image, and I'm sorry if I have done that in the past, but I don't feel comfortable with it. I hope this makes sense and you understand! Thanks for the request!

Requested?: Yes.

You and Pedri hate each other. You've known each other forever, and from the very beginning, your personalities clashed. At times, things were better, but after fallout after fallout in your friendship, it's come to a point where both of you decided that what's done is done, and it's likely just the best for both of you to leave each other alone and stay out of each other's lives.

You don't think about Pedri. Not often, anyway. Now with your new relationship, too, anyway, and all the struggles that are coming with that, you're glad you don't have to worry about all the arguments you and Pedri used to have.

Your boyfriend really wanted you to come to this specific match, though. Against Barcelona. You tried to explain to him that you really would rather not go to a Barcelona game to watch him, simply because of the stress of possibly running into Pedri, though you know how unlikely that really is.

But with your bad luck, who even knows?

Well, the match goes alright, but, admittedly, your boyfriend's team gets hammered by Barcelona, so you suppose you're supposed to be disappointed.

You're walking out, waiting to meet up with your boyfriend, when suddenly, your bad luck strikes.

Of course.

Well, it really has nothing to do with luck, or the lack of it. Though you don't know that. You don't know that Pedri made the effort to find you when he saw that you're at the game.

To you, your bad luck is just making you run straight into Pedri.

"Y/n!" Pedri says as soon as he sees you, stopping in front of you.

You roll your eyes, looking away from him, murmuring simply, "Why are you talking to me."

He stares. Those stupid, stupid eyes, sharply bearing into you. He snorts, saying, "Jeez. Because I know you?"

"Didn't we agree it'd be best to go our separate ways?"

He stares, before snorting, saying, "Doesn't mean I have to treat you like a stranger."

You bite your lip, looking up. "After what you've done to me, I'd rather like it to be that way, actually."

He stares, almost dumbfounded, before the anger sets in. "Oh yeah, and what have I done to you? Get over yourself, you're acting as if I traumatized you! It was never that bad!"

"Pedri, I don't want to talk to you," you say simply, shoving past him as you see your boyfriend start heading down the hall towards you.

He snorts, shrugging, and snaps, "Well, alright, then! You fuck off, too, if that's what you want me to say back!" And with that, you both walk away, feeling angrier than you really have to be.

"He was bothering you?" your boyfriend asks, raising an eyebrows, his arms snaking around your waist.

But it doesn't provide much comfort, considering that probably part of the reason you reacted so harshly towards Pedri is because of the stress already welling up in your chest about your boyfriend himself.

He's over half the problem. In fact, he might be one hundred percent the problem, or at least close to it.

You don't want to be here. You don't want to be at your boyfriend's flat, either. In fact, all you want right now is to be in your own home, alone, in bed, with your pajamas on and a blanket enveloping you.

But instead, you have a drink in your hand, are wearing a black, lacy dress, and are thoroughly exhausted with having to stand there, arm linked with your boyfriend's, looking nice and pretty next to him.

It painfully feels just a little bit too much like all clout.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if he hadn't done what he did to you last night after the match. He had forced you to do things you certainly weren't comfortable with. Especially not only four months into dating. It was too much for you.

Maybe for other people, it wouldn't have mattered. Maybe other girls would have actually loved that.

You? You've been feeling sick to your stomach for the last twenty-four hours, completely uncomfortable with your boyfriend, and having to fake it all the while. That hasn't been the first time something like this has happened. This time was just the worst.

You should've seen it coming. It's like on top of it all, regret is nawing at you as well.

The night is superficial and empty already, but your stomach lurches as soon as you get a glimpse of none other than Pedri González. You turn your head away, hoping for him to not recognize you, feeling even sicker than before, if that was even possible.

Your fucking luck, huh.

It's then, that, though you really thought things actually couldn't get any worse, that they really do.

Your boyfriend leans in and whispers close to your ear, "You look pale. Bored?"

You swallow, shrugging, "I guess."

"The night's still young, but there's nothing here for us." His hand on your lower back slips down a bit. You swallow as he continues, "We could step out and spice it up a bit."

Your jaw clenches. "Oh, no, that's okay..."

He chuckles. "Trying to be all neat and prissy? Don't play that game. C'mon," he murmurs, taking your hand and starting to lead you away through the groups of people around at the party.

"No, no, really... it's okay..." you murmur weakly, feeling dread and, frankly, fear sink in.

No, no, no. Not this again.

What's he going to do?

He seems to ignore you as you slip into a narrow hallway where some bathrooms are. Not the main bathrooms, though. You didn't even know there were bathrooms back here.

So no one promises to come this way.

Which means it's completely private.

You swallow.

It's then that he pushes you against the wall, getting close, and murmurs, "I could make this night very interesting for you, honey."

You turn your head away, looking down, towards the floor. "U-hm... You sure this is a... safe idea?"

"No," he grins. "I know it's fucking dangerous. But I also know it's a fucking good idea. Now, stop all this coy shit."

With that, he grabs your chin, shoving it up, making the back of your head hit the wall. "Ow-!" you murmur, your face crinkling with a quick grimace.

He hums. "Oh, get over yourself. You know you want this just as much as I do..."

"I-" you begin, but are interrupted by his lips meeting yours in a rough kiss.

It doesn't even feel good.

Your brain is screaming, your head pounding.

Fear grips your chest.

He moves his body against yours in a disgusting way, and every single cell in your body frantically searches for some way to make it stop.

It's then that you feel his hand stroking your thigh, grabbing at the bottom of your dress. You pull away long enough just to say desperately, "No- Please, no- Not here... please."

But he slaps your thigh, hard. You bite back a yelp as he murmurs, "I can do what I want to y-"

"And I can do what I want to you, too!" a voice suddenly says, before, in a flash, you watch as a hand slaps itself across your boyfriend's face. He stumbles back, which means you stumble forward, but there are arms there to catch you.

Not your boyfriend's, though- he's holding his face, looking absolutely shocked at-

You turn to see who has his arm around you from behind.

Pedri.

"What the hell?!" your boyfriend roars.

"Ask yourself that, asshole! Didn't she tell you to stop?"

"None of it is your business!"

"It is when you're doing it in a public area, for God's sake!"

You watch as your 'boyfriend' gulps and murmurs, "Let go of her."

"How about we stop talking as if Y/n isn't here? Y/n, do you want to fucking stay with him?"

You stare ahead, feeling so caught off guard by what has just happened, and the question that Pedri is apparently proposing for you to decide.

As unfortunate as it seems to you, you know which of them you trust more, despite all the trouble you've had with Pedri over the years.

"Listen," you say to your boyfriend, swallowing back tears. "I think you just better go now... I'll pick up my stuff from your flat in a few days... I think it'd be best- best to just end it here, now. I just don't think I'm the kind of person who's right for you."

As you ramble on anxiously, the rage builds up in his eyes more and more, before he yells, "Fine!" slaps you hard across the face, and leaves, walking off.

You stand, staring, your eyes watering in pain. You swallow.

"Y/n, are you okay?"

"I- I don't know."

Pedri folds you into his arms. "You can come back with me to my hotel room, if you want."

You sniff, holding back tears, before nodding. "I- Okay... Let's go."

Once there, you broke down. Sat on Pedri's hotel room bed and cried. And he sat there with you, being that shoulder to cry on. And your rivalry and friendship fall outs and all the other garbage between the two of you seem to slowly fade away. For now. At least just for tonight.

It's the least of your problems.

Now you lay, staring at the wall. You hear Pedri exiting the bathroom. Walking across the room. The weight on the bed shifting as he gets on.

"Y/n..." he says gently.

"Yeah?"

There's a few moments of hesitation, before he says softly, "Mind if I lay with you."

Now hesitation on your part. "Go ahead."

You feel him lay down next to you. His arm gently, tentatively wraps around you.

You lay together, in silence for a while.

"I'm sorry," Pedri suddenly says after long enough.

"For what? You helped me."

"For every single thing I did wrong over the years. I'm sorry for the fact that every time, I screwed it up again."

"It wasn't just you. I was fifty percent of the problem."

"I guess I just... I just like you a lot, you know? I just don't know what to do with that. I didn't realize it until you've been out of my life for six months now."

You nod slowly.

"I'm glad I found you when I did."

"I am, too," you say simply back.

"Seeing him do that to you... That... it's like all I could feel was pure... rage."

You don't have much to say to that, so just whisper softly, "Thank you... for helping me."

He nods slowly. Pulls you closer.

You don't mind. This kind of thing; it feels comforting. Not scary.

You lay there in more silence, before Pedri says softly, "Can we try this again?"

"Can I trust you?"

He sighs. "I think I finally realized how much I can't live without you. How much I care about you."

You snort, yawning. "If I didn't know better, I'd think that almost sounds romantic."

More silence, before he finally says, "Maybe it is. But even if it were, would that even matter right now?"

You shrug, looking back at him with sleepy eyes. "I reckon not. But it might matter someday."

He smiles softly, kisses your nose, and silences himself fully before sleep takes the both of you.

[hakkkuu]

okay idk if you write threesome but if you do can you write something very dark sungchan and eunseok threesome, if not then anyone member please im so riize deprived rn😭

by "very dark" i could only imagine noncon so TW!!!!!

cw: step-brother, alcohol, noncon, threesome, recording

The dimly lit party buzzed with energy, a pulsating bassline reverberating through the crowded room. Amidst the sea of dancing bodies, a petite figure stood out—Y/n, her wide eyes sparkling with a mixture of excitement and nervousness, a cocktail glass clutched in her hand. It was her first foray into the wild world of collage parties, and she felt a heady mix of adrenaline and apprehension. Little did she know, this night would mark a sinister turn in her young life.

As Y/n navigated through the throng, her eyes darted around, taking in the scene. The room was a blur of colorful lights and intoxicated laughter. She felt a hand on her shoulder, and she turned to find her step-brother, Sungchan, towering over her. His tall, muscular frame cast a shadow across her, making her feel even smaller.

"Well, well, if it isn't my little step-sister" Sungchan's deep voice carried a hint of mockery. "First time at a party, huh? Be careful, these places can get pretty wild." He flashed a crooked smile, his eyes holding a glious that made Y/n's stomach twist.

"Oh, I-I'm being careful," Y/n stammered, her naivety apparent. "I just wanted to, you know, experience it."

"Experience it, huh?" Sungchan's gaze swept over her, making her feel exposed. "Well, you're in for a real treat tonight. Just stick with me and my boy Eunseok, and we'll show you a good time."

Y/n felt a flutter of unease at his words, but before she could respond, a loud cheer erupted from the crowd, distracting her. Eunseok, Sungchan's best friend, had just entered the room, his presence instantly commanding attention. He was a charismatic figure, with a mischievous smile and an air of confidence that bordered on arrogance.

"There he is!" Sungchan shouted, clapping Eunseok on the back. "Let's get this party started!"

The trio moved through the party, Sungchan and Eunseok leading Y/n deeper into the pulsating heart of the celebration. The music grew louder, the lights more frenzied, and the drinks flowed freely. Y/n found herself caught up in the euphoria, her inhibitions melting away with each sip of her drink.

Eunseok, ever the charmer, whispered sweet nothings into Y/n's ear, his breath warm against her skin. "You're a real beauty, you know that? Sungchan's a lucky guy to have you as a step-sister." His words sent shivers down her spine, but not from pleasure. There was something about his tone, the way his hand lingered on her waist a touch too long, that made her uncomfortable.

As the night wore on, Y/n's vision blurred, and her steps became unsteady. Sungchan and Eunseok, noticing her intoxication, exchanged a knowing glance, their eyes glinting with malicious intent. They guided her through the crowd, their hands firm on her arms, leading her away from the pulsating dance floor and into a dimly lit hallway.

"Where...where are we going?" Y/n slurred, her words slightly incoherent.

"Shh" Sungchan whispered, his hot breath tickling her ear. "We just want to show you something. Something special."

They pushed open a door, revealing an empty room, devoid of the party's chaos. Y/n's heart pounded in her chest as she realized something was terribly wrong. Her drunken haze lifted slightly, replaced by a rising sense of panic.

"W-wait, I don't..." Y/n's words trailed off as Eunseok moved towards her, his eyes dark with desire. He grabbed her wrists, pinning them above her head with surprising strength. "What are you—?"

"Oh, Y/n, you're so naive," Eunseok purred, his lips curling into a sinister smile. "But tonight, that changes."

Sungchan stepped closer, his tall form looming over her. "You see, we've been waiting for this moment. Fantasizing about it." His rough hands slid down her arms, sending shivers of fear through her.

"N-no, please..." Y/n's voice was barely a whisper, her heart hammering in her chest.

"Please what, Y/n?" Eunseok's grip tightened, his breath hot on her neck. "Please don't stop us from having some fun?"

Y/n struggled against their hold, but her drunken state and their superior strength made her efforts futile. Sungchan's hands roamed freely over her body, his touch rough and possessive. He tugged at her dress, the fabric tearing slightly as he exposed her delicate lace bra.

"Ah, look at that," Eunseok murmured, his fingers tracing the straps of her lingerie. "So beautiful. But you know, it'd look even better on the floor."

Y/n's screams for help were muffled by Eunseok's hand as Sungchan ripped the dress from her body, leaving her trembling in her lingerie. The room echoed with her desperate cries and the sound of her heels scraping against the floor as she tried to escape.

"That's it, scream for us, Y/n," Sungchan growled, his voice thick with desire. "No one will hear you over the music."

Eunseok produced a phone, the camera lens glinting in the dim light. "Let's capture this moment, shall we? A little memento of our fun night."

Y/n's eyes widened in horror as she realized their intentions. She thrashed against their hold, her pleas turning to incoherent moans as they silenced her with rough kisses and groping hands. Sungchan's lips crushed against hers, his tongue forcing its way into her mouth, tasting the remnants of her drink.

"Mmm, you taste good," he growled, his hands squeezing her breasts roughly.

Eunseok's fingers worked at her bra, undoing the clasp with practiced ease. "Such a shame to cover up these perfect breasts." With a swift motion, he tore the lace, exposing her to their hungry gazes.

Y/n's body trembled, her breath coming in short, panicked gasps. "N-no, p-please...sungchan"

Sungchan's hand slid down her stomach, his fingers hooking into the waistband of her panties. "Please what, Y/n? Please don't make your fantasies come true?"

With a violent tug, he ripped her panties away, leaving her completely exposed. The cool air on her bare skin sent shivers through her, but it was not from pleasure. She whimpered, her eyes pleading, as Eunseok positioned the phone to capture her humiliation.

"That's it, show us how you feel, Y/n," Eunseok whispered, his breath hot against her ear. "Let it all out."

Sungchan's rough hands gripped her thighs, spreading them apart. Y/n's screams turned to sobs as she felt him position himself between her legs. She tried to squirm away, but Eunseok held her fast, his hand clamped over her mouth, muffling her cries.

"You've been teasing us long enough" Sungchan growled, his voice thick with lust. "Time to give us what we want."

With a brutal thrust, he entered her, tearing through her innocence. Y/n's scream was muffled by Eunseok's hand, her body arching in a mixture of pain and shock. Sungchan paid no heed to her protests, his hips moving in a relentless rhythm, his breath coming in harsh pants.

"Ah, you feel so good, Y/n," he grunted, his hands gripping her hips tightly. "Always knew you'd be tight."

Eunseok, his eyes dark with desire, watched the scene unfold, his fingers tracing the curve of Y/n's breast as she struggled beneath her step-brother. "She's something special, Sungchan. A real treasure."

Sungchan grunted in agreement, his pace increasing as he drove into her with abandon. Y/n's body shook with each thrust, her sobs turning to whimpers as the initial pain gave way to a strange, unwanted pleasure.

"That's it, Y/n, let it happen," Eunseok whispered, his fingers pinching her nipple, eliciting a soft moan from her. "You know you want it."

As Sungchan's rhythm intensified, Eunseok moved to join him, his hands rough as he positioned himself behind Y/n. She felt his hardness pressing against her, and her body tensed, anticipating the violation.

"Relax, Y/n," Eunseok whispered, his hot breath on her neck. "We're just going to take what we want. What you secretly want, too."

With a swift, brutal thrust, Eunseok entered her from behind, his movements synchronized with Sungchan's. Y/n's body shook with the force of their penetration, her cries muffled as Eunseok's hand covered her mouth once more.

"Oh, yeah, that's it," Sungchan grunted, his hands squeezing her breasts roughly. "Take it, Y/n. Take all of it."

Eunseok's fingers dug into Y/n's hips, his pace matching Sungchan's as they took turns claiming her body. Her mind swam with confusion, her body betraying her as pleasure mixed with pain. She could feel herself getting closer to the edge, her body responding despite her best efforts to resist.

"N-no, stop..." Y/n's words were lost in the room, her body arching as she succumbed to the overwhelming sensations.

"That's it, let it go," Eunseok whispered, his lips brushing her ear. "Let us hear you, Y/n."

As if on cue, Y/n's body convulsed, her screams turning to incoherent moans as she climaxed. Sungchan and Eunseok continued their assault, their pace relentless, driving her to the brink again and again.

Finally, with a final, brutal thrust, Sungchan and Eunseok found their release, their bodies shuddering against Y/n's. She lay beneath them, her breath coming in ragged gasps, her body aching and sore.

"Damn, that was something," Eunseok said, his voice hoarse.

Sungchan, his breath ragged, nodded in agreement. "A night to remember."

Without another word, they dressed, leaving Y/n naked and exposed on the floor. She lay there, her body trembling, her mind reeling from the violation. As the sound of their footsteps faded, Y/n curled into a ball, her sobs echoing in the empty room.

The party continued outside, the music and laughter a stark contrast to the dark scene that had just unfolded. Sungchan and Eunseok, their dark desires satisfied, rejoined the celebration, leaving Y/n alone with her shattered innocence.

[goddessxdivine]

if Carmy didn’t get stuck in the walk-in, leading to his meltdown and Claire overhearing it, he might’ve had to actually talk to Claire. he’d need to address the things he talked about with Sydney earlier that day. and I think that convo would’ve gone terribly.

like imagine you’re Claire (scary, i know but just for a little bit) and being told by Carmy “yeah I had this great heartfelt conversation with Sydney today and we agreed that this restaurant is something we really want to do together, and we need to really focus on each other to make it the best it can be. that does include no longer talking about the menu with you and in many ways discussing the restaurant with you at all. oh also I gave her the last thing Mikey ever gave me, you know the handwritten note that said ‘let it rip’ yeah it was framed.”

as Claire, at what point do you have to respect yourself and move on from the guy who doesn’t even know if you’re his “girlfriend or friend that’s a girl” cause that is crazy

[negrowhat]

Favorite QL Characters 2024

tagged by @bengiyo to share my faves for 2024!

Kim from Pit Babe. PB ended in 2024 so it counts! I love him to bits and pieces and it's no secret about it. Kim just wanted to race the best in the game and win fair and square. He didn't ask to get tied up in whatever tf Daddy Tony had going on and he wasn't about to put up with it. I love that he was all cute and smol but what kicking ass left and right. I wanted him to beat Winner's ass everytime he saw him and he practically did. I was so glad to see him being adopted into the X-Hunter family where he belongs. I would do everything for him.

Tharn from The Sign. I adore him. I love how much he loved despite being afraid to love. I loved watching him rescue Phaya countless times. I loved watching him kick ass. I love that he wore his heart on his sleeve and I understand why Phaya and Dr. Cocomelon fought over him for lifetimes. Also was he NOT the most stunning Goddess? And was he NOT the prettiest crier????

Cha Yeowoon and Tae Myungha from Love for Love's Sake. They're 2 sides of the same coin. A package deal. I can't choose one over the other. I love them both and they both need love and hugs. I love that Myungha made it his entire new life's mission to take protect Yeowoon. And I love that Yeowoon wanted to do anything and everything to take care of Myungha. Also Yeowoon was the cutest and sweetest and I do love the way Myungha doted on him.

Yoryak from Wandee Goodday. He was my fave green flag of the year. Such a sweet and understanding guy who wanted to make everyone happy. I felt like he deserved better throughout the series tbh. He was incredibly caring and understood boundaries and wasn't afraid to kick a lil ass to get his results.

Tai from Two Worlds. What a fucking badass. Clearly I just have a thing for the protector type. He was strong, intelligent, and resourceful. He would do anything to protect his people and it was insanely strong of him to go against his abusive sperm donor to save Kram. I love that he was soft for this one single person and to everyone else he was a roughneck. I also think he needed to be showered in love. I think this is my fave Max role, he does action well and I hope he gets a chance to do more.

Lee Jaejun from City Boy_Log. He's such a fucking mess and this year he was at his peak, choosing real hard between his sweet boyfriend Jihan and that homewrecking Yunje. He was doing too much. But what can I say? He's pretty and I love watching him interact with his boyfriend, they're sweet together. I did like Jaejun a lot in the newest installment tho. As long as Jaejun (and Jihan) are there then I'm going to watch this lil web series. Also Jaejun is so, so pretty.

JJ from Love No Long Beans. Oh gawd he owned the only braincell in the series and he used it all the time. Love that he was constantly there for his bestie even when it meant he had to deal with Methas. Speaking of Methas, I love that he humbled that man every chance he got. He made Methas think but he also showed him love and attention he didn't receive. JJ wasn't afraid to tell people off and then bounce. I love that he didn't compromise his morals and he stood up for himself and would throw hands for his foolish best friend.

Vee from Century of Love. He's my most goodest sweetest golden boy. I love him and his vibrant personality. He still managed to keep his smile despite his terrible life experiences: dying family, opportunities being taken away, and homelessness. I love that he wasn't a damsel in distress and I love that he did not bend to anyone's will.

Zongzheng Huai'en from Meet You At the Blossom. My favorite red flag toxic prince. He's my fave unhinged boy. Love that he was such a hypocrite in the beginning and got mad at Xiaobao for doing things he was doing. I love that he was jealous enough to chop off someone's hand. Love that he threatened to lock Xiaobao up if they couldn't be together. I love that he was so desperate to be with the one he loved that he risked his everything to save him. And I love by the end of it he became such a sweet and loving wife to Xiaobao.

Go Young from Love in the Big City. What an amazing character. He was so messy and he dealt with struggles that were important to the community. It was a treat to see him fumbling through life. He was definitely the most relatable character I've seen all year. I felt everything he felt; the joy, the pain, the heartbreak, and everything in between. I wanted him to find his true love, and maybe he did, but that wasn't the point of his story.

Sian from Every You, Every Me. IDK why I loved him. Yes I do, he was very forward with his emotions. He knew that he liked and wanted Blue and wasted no time in letting him know. Love that he was so sex positive and I love that he was quite open with Blue and talked to him about his feelings. Also he was stunning.

Hope from Jack & Joker. I just love that he was unapologetic about enjoying kicking ass. He was very transparent about what he cared about and that was Save and kicking ass. I loved every scene he was in and even when he was getting his ass handed to him he was cool as fuck about it.

[wisteria-lodge]

SORTING DISNEY LADIES (1999-2004)

Part 1 - Disney Ladies 1937-1985

Part 2 - Disney Ladies 1988-1993

Part 3 - Disney Ladies 1995-1998

I’m going in chronological order, and doing both A Squad and B Squad, because I’m interested in tracking how the ideal “disney girl” has changed in the last (almost) 90 years. Right now I’m only looking at the human-shaped heroines of Disney animated theatrical releases. A more detailed break-down of the system I’m using is right here, but the basics are these: 

PRIMARY (ie MOTIVE) 

BADGER ~ Loyal to the group.

SNAKE ~ Loyal to yourself and your Important People.

LION ~ Subconscious Idealist. Ideals are linked to feelings and instincts. 

BIRD ~ Conscious Idealist. Ideals are linked to built systems and external facts. 

SECONDARY (ie METHOD) 

BADGER ~ Connect with the group. Make allies, work steadily and well. Be whatever the situation calls for. If you find a locked door, knock.

SNAKE ~ Connect with the environment. Notice things. Tell people what they want to hear. If you find a locked door, get in through the window.

BIRD ~ Collect skills, tools, knowledge, personas, useful friends. If you find a locked door, track down the key or learn to pick the lock.

LION ~ Be honest, be direct, speak your truth. Either the obstacle is going down or you are. If you find a locked door, kick it in.

JANE PORTER (1999)

(& Tarzan, Kerchack)

Disney’s Tarzan is a ridiculously Snake primary movie. Like,  just to make this really, really clear, the first thing we see - the absolute cold open, is - 

Burning ship! Storm! Fire! Tarzan’s parents get into a lifeboat! He looks at her. She looks at him. Phil Collins --

PUT YOUR FAITH IN WHAT YOU MOST BELEEEIVE IN!!!!!!

We get it. You can lose literally everything, but if you’ve still got your Person, you’re going to be OK. 

And this movie’s ethos is definitely Snake, not Loyalist. Badger primaries do not get a flattering edit. The antagonist for the first half is Tarzan’s adoptive fatherKerchack, who is deeply protective of his band of gorillas (all girls, by the way. He's the only guy. Which is how gorillas work, and the film doesn’t exactly bring attention to it, but still. Interesting detail.) He’s a loud Badger primary: the only thing that matters is keeping his family out of danger, and from his perspective Tarzan is a problem from day one. He is too obviously an outsider, not a true member of the community, and Kerchack makes it clear that Tarzan is not his son. “You can’t learn to be one of us," he says.

The antagonist for the second half of the film (it’s a weirdly structured film) is the Jaguar/Clayton. They are 100% the same entity. Clayton shows up immediately after the Jaguar dies, and shows up wearing the exact same color palette. There is a recurring misunderstanding where Tarzan refers to the sound of a gunshot as “Clayton.” This is not supposed to be a person, this is violence personified.

Clayton is also our visual representation of The British Empire/Colonialism, with his spats and his khakis and little pencil mustache, and Brian Blessed doing his voice. He is there to grab the resources (gorillas) and take them back to England. So… that means we’ve got some more Toxic Badger going on here too.

In this film, the Badger primary idea of “community” is framed as stifling, artificial, at odds with nature. Clayton, Jane, and Jane’s father show up in the jungle dressed all wrong, and while the sympathetic Porters gradually shed layers, Clayton’s character design never changes. He does not learn to adapt to the jungle, he is only England™

There’s also the recurring joke of Jane’s “Proper Victorian Lady” persona. It’s very useful for getting Clayton specifically to do things for her… but she also brings it out in moments where it seems false and not terribly appropriate. Like when she’s talking to monkeys, or to Tarzan. The second she realizes that Tarzan can speak English she snaps into “Proper Victorian Lady” instead of following up on the attraction that’s clearly there. She’s holding him at arm's length, and why??? The moment where he comes out dressed in European clothing is bittersweet, like Tarzan is hiding or losing part of himself. “Society” is at odds with instinct/freedom/love, and in terms of Primary, that’s the major conflict between Tarzan and Jane.

JANE. Tarzan, you can't imagine what's in store for you. You're going to see the world. Everyone's going to want to meet you. Kings, scientists and famous writers. (...)  TARZAN. And I'll be with Jane.

Jane is talking like a Badger (you’ll be part of the community.) Tarzan is talking like a Snake (I’ll be with you.) And Jane DOES feel like a Badger through most of the movie. She talks a good game. But right at the end - when it really comes down to it - that’s not the call she makes. 

JANE. I belong in England, with you and people and — PROFESSOR PORTER. But you love him. Go on.

At which point Jane joyfully jumps off the boat and swims to shore, implying that her Badger primary was a model, and she was always a Snake primary underneath. 

Jane Porter might model Double Badger extremely well, but she’s actually a double Snake like Megara. She’ll go all Proper Victorian Lady to flatter Clayton, but she’ll also manipulate the baby monkey (“Oh I can’t believe you fell for that one”) before commenting on how its performance isn’t quite up to her standards (“Don’t give me those crocodile tears.”) She’s also something of a Single-Player Environment snake. When she gets comfortable, she starts learning how to use the things in her environment. She’s delighted when she learns she can use her parasol as a weapon. Jane also seems to pick up that Tarzan is a Bird secondary, and interacts with him accordingly. She puts together an entire slideshow of buildings and customs and art from the mainland, and he is riveted.

(Tarzan is definitely a Bird secondary: he's an inventor, he makes weapons, he loves teaching himself things. He’s much more tactical than Kerchak, who uses his lion secondary to literally charge into fights. Phil Collins tells us all we need to know about Tarzan with the lyrics: “I want to know / Can you show me?” Perfect Snake Bird anthem.)

When we see Jane at the very end of the film she’s entirely improvisational and fluid, surfing the vines with Tarzan, the two of them so in sync and moving together so beautifully. It’s a gorgeous bit of animation. I definitely get a sense of the joy she feels at being so unconstrained and evenly matched, which is  another thing that makes me say Snake secondary.

KIDADIKASH  “KIDA” NEDAKAH (2001)

(& Milo, King Kashekim)

Atlantis is so close to being a really good movie. All it needs is a slightly longer runtime, and like… two less characters. (Mole and Cookie. Don’t need them.) Kida gets comparatively little screen time compared to some of the other ladies on this list, but she has enough presence and a cool enough design that she easily earns heroine status. It also helps that she’s basically the plot.

Kida wants to restore the traditions and knowledge her people have lost, and that motivates pretty much everything she does. She finds the history and culture of her ancestors deeply important, comforting and grounding in a very Badger primary sort of way, and laments that “We were once a great people. Now we live in ruins. The kings of our past would weep if they could see how far we have fallen.” She is very much not Jane, who needs to shake off “civilization” in order to live her best life. 

The problem though, is that Kida falls into a very Badger primary trap. When she’s asked to give up everything to protect the group - including her well-being and identity - she does it without a second thought. She gets turned/turns herself into a magic crystal in order to power her civilization while it’s under threat, and I cannot think of a better metaphor of what it means to be an Invisible Badger, who is only the group with no identity outside it.

The ‘Heart of Atlantis’ crystal that “thrives on the collective emotions of all who came before us [and] in return, provides power, longevity, protection” is just a good metaphor for a ‘Badger Primary’ in general. Also, the way that the Atlantean King tries to weaponize it, ultimately destroying his civilization, is a good metaphor for the way a Badger primary can Explode, becoming authoritarian and harmful to the same people it is trying to protect.

Clearly the film itself is not a fan of this decision, as our protagonist Milo loves Kida and does everything he can to un-crystal her. I think it’s implied that his love is one of the main things tethering her to humanity? Still, I would say that this film, unlike Tarzan, has a pretty Badger ethos. King Kashekim is our tragic misguided Snake primary, willing to let his whole civilization crumble so long as he gets to keep his daughter, and our villains seem to be mostly Hedonist Snake treasure hunters, willing to destroy a culture so long as they get paid. The film is definitely critical of certain types of Badger primaries, but ends on a note of collectivism. Milo has finally found a community that values him, and he stays behind to help Kida, now the Atlantean Queen, rebuild her civilization. She’s still a Badger, just one with better boundaries. 

She’s also a Lion secondary. Kida moves in straight lines, speaks her mind, and doesn’t care if you have a problem with that. She does the thing where she’s so honest and blunt it’s almost rude. I suspect that her father is also a Lion secondary - we know that he was reckless and militaristic when he was young, and he seems positive that if Kida even knew about the Heart of Atlantis, she would make the Lion secondary call and dive headfirst into it. Sadly, in the main timeline of the movie the King’s secondary is extremely burned, and he’s basically incapable of any kind of action. 

Milo has an idealistic Lion primary that is a bit Burnt at the start of the film. When we meet him, he’s spent years being told that everything he believes is a joke, and he’s finally starting to doubt himself, scraping by just using his Bird secondary. Like a lot of Burnt Lions, Milo latches onto someone (Kida) for their confidence and their purpose. Luckily, once he unBurns his primary there's a Paragon Lion underneath there that matches up very well with her Badger.

LILO PELEKAI (2002)

Lilo is an interesting one to sort, because she’s little - and also kinda going through it. Her parents died in a (fairly recent) car crash, and even though they’re not *on screen* and honestly mentioned very little… their absence is felt. Lilo's unofficial family motto is “Ohana means family, family means nobody gets left behind.” But objectively, Lilo’s parents did her behind, and she spends the entire film trying to reconcile that.

Lilo is very young, dealing with a tragedy, and I also think the interpretation that she’s on the autism spectrum makes a lot of sense. We see her having meltdowns, struggling to transition from one activity/location to another, she clearly wants to make these connections with kids her own age, but it’s just… not working out. All of that could absolutely point to a five (six?) year old on the spectrum. So the question becomes - okay, so is Lilo acting this way because that’s her personality, or is she acting this way because of the autism/trauma? That's a question I get a lot, and my answer is… I don’t think the traits this system is interested in are created out of nowhere. But, circumstances can absolutely make them louder or softer. 

Like, Lilo has a number of very strict rules that tip over into magical thinking. She can only eat peanut butter sandwiches because she has to feed part of her sandwich to her fish, and she can’t feed her fish tuna (dead fish) because that’s “an abomination.” It’s very important that she keeps her fish happy because he controls the weather. And THAT’S important… because her parents died in a rainstorm. All of this is 100% a coping mechanism: Lilo is trying to create rules in a chaotic world to feel safer. She’s after a sense of control. This also ties into her fascination with 'goodness' versus 'badness:' she’ll say things like “I’ll be good I promise,” worry about being an “abomination,” and make voodoo dolls because “my friends need to be punished.”  It’s something she's focused on, and I think it’s because she is aware that… she’s kind of a problem.  

Her older sister Nani loves her… but Nani also loses her patience (she’s 21, 22 at most) and Lilo is aware that she stresses out her sister and makes her life more difficult. But, she has trouble changing her behavior because she's, you know, a traumatized autistic six-year-old. Which is really important when it comes to understanding Lilo’s relationship with Stitch. On one level, she identifies the way he leaves all this destruction in his wake. He makes her look better by comparison, and I think she also sees a path towards redemption in teaching Stitch to be “good” (ie - useful and less weird.) When she tells him “You wreck everything you touch, why not try to make something” - I think she’s projecting, and really talking about herself. If Lilo is teaching Stitch to be good, then she has a purpose, and a way to affect the world. We know that feeling powerless is a big thing for Lilo. 

So, if I’m putting her in the SHC system, she is definitely an External primary. None of this is about being true to your heart or even being true to another person, this is trying to figure out the rules of the world and putting together a workable system to live with. This focus on morality and punishment is also something I see a lot with young External primaries. While this trait might have been exaggerated by the events of Lilo's life, I do think it’s something that was just in her the whole time. 

At first I thought she was a Badger, because of the way Lilo focuses on the importance of family. Also, her first instinct is to outgroup Stitch when she thinks he betrayed her: “You’re one of them - get out of here.” But “Ohana means family” seems like it was something her parents said a lot, and ‘Stitch isn’t one of us,’ is something she’s heard from Nani (absolutely a Badger primary.) I think a big reason Lilo values hula dancing is because hula dancing is important to Nani.

So now I’m leaning towards Lilo being a young Bird, trying to cobble together a system for understanding the world under non-ideal circumstances. She’s very comfortable believing fantastical things, and is cool with accepting that Stitch is a weird kind of dog. Like Atlantis, Lilo and Stitch is lightly critical of that Badger ethos: the group is wonderful, yes - but the group will not always be there. The conclusion Lilo (and the film) comes to is ‘Ohana means family, family means never getting left behind… but sometimes people leave. Either because they want to, or because they have to. What you have to do is remember them. You make them part of yourself. As Lilo puts it, "I’ll remember you, though. I remember everyone that leaves." I think this is such a lovely way of understanding Bird primaries, which unfortunately have a reputation for being cold and detached.

In terms of secondary, I think Lilo is probably a Lion. She’s very direct, very honest, terrible at lying, and unintentionally trails destruction. Nani tries to give her a kind of script to follow when the social worker comes over - but even in the moment she seems to know it’s kind of a lost cause. However, Lilo is also really young and the narrative doesn’t give her the opportunity to solve many problems. So I would not be surprised if Lilo's secondary looks different when she gets older. She is fascinated by Stitch, and Stitch is a shapeshifter-mimic. He’s kind of a cartoon version of a Snake secondary. Maybe that's a clue that Lilo's best self is a Snake Secondary too, but she hasn’t built a bridge to that part of herself yet. Eh, I could see it either way. Definitely an Improvisational secondary though.

NANI PELEKAI (2002)

Nani is a very Burnt Badger primary. There’s this recurring thing with her and her love interest David, where they’re kinda dating, or were dating… either way, Nani can’t quite bring herself to let him into her life. Even though she likes him, he likes her, and he even gets along with Lilo. She spends a lot of the film looking like she’s 100% focused on her little sister in a Snake primary way… but Burnt Badgers look like miserable, stressed-out Snakes, and that is absolutely Nani. She clearly used to have a big community - at one point she even tries to leverage it for a job. But I think she responded to the death of her parents by closing up, refusing to let anyone new close to her. She might lose them too, and that would hurt too much. 

This film is also really good at putting Nani in situations that would be really rough on a Badger primary specifically. Nani clearly feels deeply connected to her Hawaiian culture - she’s an accomplished hula dancer, she loves surfing, and in the most heartbreaking scene of the movie she sings “Aloha Oe” to Lilo, when she thinks child protective services are going to take her away in the morning. This is famously a song written by deposed Hawaiian Queen Liliʻuokalani, after she was forced to leave her people. These are all things that Nani pulls on to give her strength. However… she is also working as an honestly quite objectified waitress/hula dancer in a theme park-ified version of Hawaii catering to tourists. She’s clearly not happy there, and it's an important moment when she leaves. 

Even when she’s in really serious trouble, Nani can’t bring herself to tell anyone what’s going on, to get help or even just emotional support - and that's the Burnt Badger talking. When she is absolutely at her wit’s end and has no idea what to do, she grabs David and she grabs Lilo and they all go surfing. It’s that Badger primary need for community, even if there’s no way that community is going to help.

Nani is probably a Bird secondary. She practices when she's nervous and has a lot of skills - but is much more overwhelmed during the wacky finale than Lilo, and definitely needs a second to get it together and figure out the situation. She conceptualizes ‘dealing with Lilo’ as a skill that she has learned and gotten better at: she’ll build little ‘traps’ to catch her younger sister, and can translate things into “Lilo.” I think she may have constructed a bit of an Actor Bird model for dealing with Lilo (and another for dealing with her boss.) Lilo will use bits of her system to argue with Nani, and clearly expects this strategy to work.  

LILO. Ohana means family. Family means no one gets left behind, or forgotten.  NANI. I hate when you use ‘ohana’ against me.

CAPTAIN AMELIA SMOLLET (2002)

If Nani and Kida's share a deep connection their cultural history, Captain Amelia and Kida share this incredibly direct, blunt, borderline rude Lion secondary. Only Amelia's is is less 'cultural misunderstanding' and more just... British.

Captain Amelia absolutely rubs Jim Hawkins and Doctor Doppler the wrong way at first (an occupational hazard of being a very loud Lion secondary.) But she also comes off as extremely trustworthy. Amelia is a version of Robert Louis Stevenson’s Alexander Smollett (just also a cat girl, and in space) and this bit from Treasure Island suits Treasure Planet equally well: “Contrary to all my notions, I believe you have managed to get two honest men on board with you, that man [Captain Smollet] and John Silver.” 

Of course, Captain Amelia wins over Jim and Doppler once they understand that she wants her crew to be equally direct right back at her. She wants all the information, as quickly as possible, so she can make the best decisions. Her eyes light up when Doppler tells her she’s wrong about how supernovas work... because she’s able to use the new knowledge to create a daredevil way to escape the situation. Near the end of the film, Jim comes up with a crazy solution that involves a piece of alien tech. He knows how the tech works, doesn’t have time to explain it. But because they’ve had enough practice being honest with each other, Amelia just does what he says - no questions asked.

This is also why she gets so offended when John Silver tries to flatter her… and Silver’s good at flattering. He’s good at telling people what they want to hear. But Amelia tells him to “keep that kind of flim-flammery for your space court floozies” because of course the two captains on opposite sides of the mutiny are foils. Silver charms Jim, makes him feel special. Captain Amelia tells him point-blank when he’s being an idiot and gives him no special treatment. The nuanced position this film takes is that Jim… kinda needs both. 

In this movie about treasure hunting, Captain Amelia is the only person who doesn’t seem to care about the “Loot of a Thousand Worlds.” She is here to do her job. Her speech at her First Mate’s funeral makes her priorities very clear: “Mr. Arrow was a fine spacer. Finer than most of us can ever hope to be. But he knew the risks, as do we all. Resume your posts. We carry on.” Her highest praise is that Arrow did his job well... and part of doing your job well is making peace with the fact that you might not make it out alive. She takes her job, her title, and her ship extremely seriously. 

So, Amelia is definitely an Idealist primary, and her Cause seems to revolve around being the best Captain possible and… going on adventures. This is also the case with Doppler, who she ends up with at the end. He frames his treasure-hunting trip in very Badger primary language when he’s talking to Jim’s very Badger Primary mom… but in reality he just wants to go on an adventure. 

I could honestly see either Lion or Bird primary for Amelia. But, the fact that she’s ex-military and still in good enough standing to write Jim a recommendation letter makes me lean Bird. (I think a Double Lion Amelia would have burned more bridges.) Also, the rules and organizational system she lives by seem to exist outside of her in a very Commodore Norrington sort of way. It’s not something she feels internally, and this is comforting. Honestly, Amelia gives off very Commodore Norrington energy in general, and he’s a pretty loud Bird primary. 

HELEN "ELASTIGIRL" PARR (2004)

( & Bob/Mr. Incredible, Edna Mode)

Helen’s superpower is ‘flexibility,’ so of course she’s going to be an Improvisational secondary. I'm going with Lion instead of Snake because - like Captain Amelia and Kida - Helen is very comfortable being incredibly direct. She actively sets up confrontations, waiting in the dark for Bob after he stays out late with Frozone, then actually getting in a plane to confront him when she thinks that he’s having an affair.

Bob Parr is also a Lion secondary, and unlike Helen (who is able to turn down the volume during Dash's parent-teacher conference) he has trouble even softening what he says, phrasing something in a way that’s palatable to the person he’s talking to. That trait gets him in trouble with Buddy/Syndrome, then his boss at the insurance company, and there’s also the implication that the government keeps relocating them because Bob keeps blowing their cover. (This is 100% the case in a cut scene set at a neighborhood barbecue where Bob appears to cut off a finger, and instead breaks the knife.) 

I also think the fact that Helen and Bob are both Lion secondaries is a big part of what makes their relationship functional. Lion secondaries seem to really value the opportunity to have arguments and fights… while also knowing the interaction is fundamentally safe, and isn’t going to spill over into the other parts of their life. When Bob gets back late, he and Helen fight in a way that honestly just seems like their way of blowing off steam. They’re both able to turn it off completely when the kids walk into the room. 

Helen also calls herself out for “overreacting” and has to force herself to take a moment to think when she first figures out that Bob is lying, a very Lion secondary moment. She gives Violet the insanely Lion secondary advice that “When the time comes, you’ll know what to do. It’s in your blood.” Edna Mode is also a cartoonishly loud Lion secondary, and I'll bet that shared secondary is a big part of the reason she adores the Parrs. Also, Helen loves her motorcycles, which at least in fiction are very Lion-secondary coded.

Helen’s flexibility extends to her primary as well. When we first meet Elastigirl in the “documentary” prologue, she’s completely happy doing the superhero thing while Mr. Incredible is already thinking about settling down. But, in the main timeline of the movie, Helen seems perfectly happy doing the suburbia thing and raising the kids. Then in the sequel, after the Deavors convince her that she can do the most good by being a poster child for non-threatening Supers, she has a fantastic time doing that. The fact that she’s able to change her worldview so easily without having a big emotional crisis about it (the way that Bob does) makes me think she’s probably a Bird primary. That difference in primaries seems to be where most of the friction in their relationship comes from. 

Helen actually tells us her philosophy in the sequel: “If laws are unjust there are laws to change them, otherwise it’s chaos” and “World is what it is, we have to adapt.” It’s a bit Badger flavored - work within the system, adapt to the system - but the way she lays it out is Bird. And then she gets a little tipsy and starts debating philosophy with the villain for fun. Which is a very Bird primary activity.

VIOLET PARR (2004)

(& Dash)

Violet feels very at odds with both her family and her world… and since she’s a Badger primary, that’s especially rough. She wants to fit into a community, but there is no community for her. She’s the only member of the family who actively does not want her powers: “We act normal, Mom! I want to be normal (...) What do you know about normal? What does anyone in this family know about normal?” We also get the line, “Mom and Dad’s lives might be in danger, or worse - their marriage.” Which is definitely a joke about Violet’s slightly cartoonish Badger primary priorities. 

It makes absolute sense that she’s so hung up on the idea of popular dreamboat Tony, at the center of so much community. It’s exactly what she wants. And because she herself is very not normal, she tries to hide - both with her superpower and with her hair. Violet is the first computer animated character who wears their hair long and loose, and the animators put in the effort because it’s so tied in with her character. As she gets more and more in tune with her family over the course of the film, the way Violet wears her hair changes. Her mom tucks it behind her ear, her dad comments that he likes this new way she’s wearing it better. She eventually pushes it back with a headband because she’s not hiding from them anymore. Violet is happy and effective being a part of the superhero team that is her family. It’s interesting that her powers (invisiblity, creating force-fields around herself) are incredibly useful support and team-attack powers, but not that useful on their own.

However, another source of friction between Violet and the rest of the family is the fact that she’s the only one who isn’t a Lion secondary. Her little brother Dash absolutely is. (He’s probably a Double Lion like his father, they’ve both even got a little of that Glory Hound Lion primary thing.) But Violet’s powers keep her out of sight, the opposite of confrontational. It took me a second to recognize her as a Snake secondary, because most fictional Snakes are much more comfortable around people…  but Violet is also in a less-than-ideal situation. Still, she is smart and observant, good at picking up on what’s going on around her, and using those things to solve problems. It’s her idea to track down Syndrome using the coordinates he’s put in the rocket, and in the sequel she’s the one who figures out how to use Jack Jack like a gun, then successfully turns the out-of-control ship around.

Violet is sneaky, and uses her abilities to spy on her parents, and to stow away on her mom's trip. She doesn’t like using her snake secondary at other people - she’s a very self-contained person - but she is more than happy to direct it out at the world. Violet is also perceptive when it comes to people, and will often just come right out and say things like “Are we going to talk about it… the elephant in the room” or “I think Dad has made some excellent progress today, but I think it’s time we wind down now.”

Tl;dr

Jane ~  Snake / Snake, models Badger / Badger

Tarzan ~ Snake / Bird

Kerchack ~ Badger / Lion 

Kida ~ Badger / Lion 

King Kashekim ~ Snake / Burnt Lion 

Milo ~ Burnt Lion / Bird

Lilo ~ Bird / Lion (possibly Bird / Snake) 

Nani ~ Burnt Badger / Bird

Captain Amelia ~ Bird / Lion 

Helen/Elastigirl ~ Bird / Lion

Violet ~ Badger / Snake

Dash ~ Lion / Lion 

Bob/Mr. Incredible ~ Lion / Lion

Edna Mode ~ Bird / Lion 

(art credit to Cursed Concepts for the beautiful pins I have used to illustrate this series. They're actually having a charity sale right now (December 27th-30th) to benefit Make A Wish, so head on over if you like their style and want to maybe snag a deep cut like Jane, Giselle, or Eilonwy.)

[minnlahzz]

Alain Relationship Headcanons.

requested.

alain, alain... i hate french people, but ig he gets a pass because his pokemon are sick!! sorry for the delay of this request, procrastination gets the best of me

alain isn’t the type to wear his heart on his sleeve. he’s reserved, almost to a fault (dangerously nonchalant 😔🙏) and it takes time to understand how he shows affection. he’s not one for grand declarations, but his loyalty and quiet care speak volumes. you might not get a lot of words from him, but his actions leave no room for doubt.

alain would never confess first–not because he doesn't care, but because he's too cautious. (also because he doesn't know how he would talk to you about this, considering he's still young and doesn't want to look like a fool infront of you) you guys have a great friendship already, why ruin it with all that mushy stuff? even if it's obvious you like him back, he's not quick to make assumptions and sees this as your 'friendly gestures,' which definitely killed you as he ignored all your signs BLINDLY. so realistically you would have to confess first.

when you confess to him, he just zones out trying to process what you said. almost like he didn't believe that you liked him back. It would go something along the lines of this.

you weren't planning on confessing, and especially not today. it just slipped out of your mouth while you guys were hanging out. “i think i’m in love with you,”

alain blinked, turning to look at you like you’d just spoken gibberish. “what did you just say to me?” he heard it loud and clear, he just didn't understand why you said that.

“nothing!”

“...you’re terrible at lying.” (he likes you back)

for him, actions speak louder than words. that's why his love language is 100% acts of service. he’s not great at expressing his feelings, but he’ll go out of his way to do it for you. need help with something? already done. forgot your umbrella? he’s there with one even before it started getting cloudy.

alain is okay with pda, as long as its not excessive or like frequent. holding hands? sure, why not. hugs? yup! kiss? sure, but only on the cheek.

he’s very observant and notices things about you that even you might overlook. if you’re stressed or upset, he’ll pick up on it right away, even if you’re trying to hide it.

alain can be quite protective, but not the point of being overbearing. he trusts that you can handle yourself, but if ever someone tries to mess with you, they're going to face alains charizard!!

arguments with him are rare, but when they happen, they’re intense. he’s not the type to yell or lose his temper, but his stubbornness can make things drag out longer than they need to. he hates conflict, so he’ll sometimes shut down instead of addressing the issue right away. it’s frustrating, but once he’s had time to think, he’ll come back to make up.

dates with alain aren’t traditional, and honestly, they might not even feel like dates at first. like a walk through the streets of lumiose city or spending time at a Pokémon Center while Charizard gets checked up. it’s less about the activity and more about being with you in a way that feels natural to him. he tries his best though!!

he's not that romantic let me make that clear, but his silliness is somehow charming in a way. he does hilarious things without noticing, and he'd just stare at you confused on what you're laughing about. he's the type of guy who would give you flowers randomly and then say "it was on sale..."

one time, you walked in on him mid-rant about how the weather was today, and charizard was just sitting there nodding like it understood. when he noticed you, he got all defensive: “what? it’s not weird.” yeah, okay, whatever you say alain...

rating time!! 8/10 he's actually really fun to be around despite his cold demeanor and nonchalant dread head energy, he's dependable and genuinely cares for your well being, but his communication skills are through the floor because its almost non–existent! goodluck showing him to your parents...

[firefly--bright]

hc request: snow angels with jean 🥹🩷

OOO HOHOHOH this is so CUTE im keeping this a modern au because thats what i prefer to write :') no gender/pronouns used for reader! :D

masterlist in pinned post! ❅ requests for headcanons are open!!!!! ❅ enter my taglist ❅

❅ ok ok so i imagine him being very begrudgingly into it. like its an incredibly snowy day right, and sasha connie and marco (and you, of course, by association) had dragged him out of bed.

❅ and his whole face is tinged a little red. he's wearing the first sweater he could find which just so happens to be the one his mom made for him, along with a big puffy black coat, a green checkered scarf and bright yellow gloves. not his first choice, fashion-wise, because all the colours are clashing, this looks fucking terrible, but you convince him it looks good enough to have fun and he has no choice but to agree.

❅ anyway. there's like small flakes of snow on his hair and at the corners of his eyes, and its a nice excuse for you to brush his hair with your hand. his nose is red. his lips are a little chapped and everytime he breaths it creates a small puff of air as a proof of his living. and hes building a snowman, with whatever materials all of you could find outside. no you dont have a carrot, who has the foresight for that? you make an executive decision to stick a very thin stick into the centre of the big snowball for his nose. jean complains about your art direction but gets distracted by the fact that connie's building boobs for it.

❅ every picture marco takes, jean is in the corner just standing. arms to his side. like slenderman. no smile. no pose. he's acting as though he hates this which pisses connie off just enough for him to fuck with jean more than usual.

❅ goes without saying but connie starts a snowball fight. and jean being ever-competitive HAS to strike back and now its a whole war but its mainly just jean and connie shouting at eachother while throwing poorly-formed balls of snow at eachother with terrible aim

❅ BACK TO THE MAIN POINT. during this whole. fight. both of them get really tired but now jean is fully smiling, because he's having fun, dammit, and you marco and sasha had gone inside somewhere during their feud to make hot chocolate and warm up some cookies because none of you had had anything to eat yet

❅ and connie immdieately runs inside the house when he hears you guys calling the both of them for food. and jean's all "HA YOU LOSER I WON. FUCK YOU. YOU THINK U COULD CHALLENGE ME?" but he doesnt follow connie inside

❅ and after a few minutes you decide to go out looking for him. his back is facing yours, and his foot is moving over the snow, creating a shape you cant really see. and you call out for him, and he just turns and waves you over to him

❅ turns out he was drawing both your initials in a heart with his foot :( and you HAVE to tease him. obviously.

❅ "youre so sappy i love you." "sappy? im doing the bare fucking minimum," "right." "youre the sappy one. making me hot chocolate and shit." "i made everyone hot chocolate. youre not special." "youre saying this after i made this artwork for you?" he says, smirk on his pink lips, faux offence twisted into his eyebrows and his arm finds it's way across your waist. "sorry, youre right. we should get this framed." "you think youre so smart, huh?" "you set a pretty low bar for it." "oh yeah?" and he starts fucknig tickling you because hes so fucking predictable, right, and you obviously end up loosing your already fragile balance and falling on your back into the snow.

❅ at first he's really apologetic but then he sees you smiling and rolls his eyes before collapsing next to you, cold ice pinpricking his skin despite the layers he wears.

❅ "you destroyed the heart i drew," he says. he wants to win this fake-fight. dumbass. "thats your fault." "right, blame me for your misjudgement-" "you tickled me!" "excuses, excuses." "im sorry, jean, for destroying your heart-" "my beautiful artwork," "- your beautiful artwork that deserved to be framed." "in a shrine. add that part." "no."

❅ its so cliche. he looks at you, his head turned to your direction, and sees your own breath fog up the sky and he thinks hiding his affection is reduntant because youre going to find a way to sneak it out of him somehow.

❅ and then you stretch out your arms, indenting the snow, waving them up and down. "im making new artwork." you say, and he loves you so much it makes him warm all over, imitating your motions with his long ass limbs, sounds of the snow crunching under his movements filling his ears along with your soft laughter.

❅ and after youre satisfied with the unseen outcome of your work, he complains about not being able to feel the tips of his ears and nose, and he helps you get up. you kiss his nose as compensation, and he kisses your forehead in return. "happy?" he asks, and you hum.

❅ "wait, we have to sign our names," you say before crouching down and writing your name under your snow angel, and then write his name under his, creating a heart after his name. he smiles softly after youre done, winding an arm around your shoulder to keep you warm but pretends its because "im so weak and hungry," to which you call him a drama queen. he spares a look behind the two of you to see the snow angels and cant help but wish it would never melt away.

also heres a moodboard. i couldnt help myself.

thank you for the request!! ive never. experienced snow before so im sorry for. any inaccuracies im going based off of my rom-com watching knowledge :') hope you liked it!! <3

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