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headfulloffantasies · 5 years

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Not So Different

5 things that are different between Spider-verses

The Spider-people kept in touch once they realised they could universe hop. Miles hung out mostly with Gwen and Peter B. They went for snacks, and walks in the park, and helped each other on patrols.

After a few weeks, Peter B invited Miles and Gwen over to his apartment to watch Star Wars. His universe was very bright, Miles thought. It was hard to see how the depressed Peter B could come from a world so full of colour. If Miles had his markers, he would love to sit in Central Park and sketch.

Peter’s apartment was cleaner than the first time Miles had been there. The dishes were put away and there was more than cold pizza in the fridge. It was obvious B was making an effort for MJ. They had been talking, Peter said. Miles was confident they’d be together again by the end of the year.

Gwen and Miles took the couch. Peter threw himself on the rug.

“Floor’s better for my back,” he said.

The movie started. Miles kept sneaking glances at Gwen in the blue light of the TV.

“I thought C3PO was silver.”

“Shh.”

“Ian McKellen played Obi Wan in my ‘verse.”

“Shut up.”

The comments gradually died off as the movie progressed. Miles was trying to figure out how he could casually sling his arm over Gwen’s shoulder without Peter noticing. He started to creep his fingers over the back of the couch.

They’d reached that pinnacle moment of the movie. “No… I am your father.”

Gwen say bolt upright and screamed. “Holy crap! He’s Anakin?”

Miles startled, almost toppling off the couch.

“I thought you said you’d seen this?” Peter asked without looking.

Gwen grabbed Miles’ arm. “Why is Vader not Padme?”

“Padme?”

“Luke I am your mother!” She yelled, waving at the TV. “What is this?”

Peter and Miles exchanged a glance. “Do you have a different Star Wars?”

Peter interrupted. “Gwen, tell us Darth Vader’s Story.”

Gwen took a gulp of breath and started, “Okay, so Padme fakes her death in childbirth and vows vengeance on the Jedi for killing Anakin and she becomes Darth Vader. She raised Leia but she thought Luke was dead until they meet up again.”

Miles sat in stunned silence. “That’s not how this one goes.”

Gwen flapped her hands, “But then where’s the battle for the crown?”

“What crown?”

“Leila’s a princess, and Luke should be a prince, yes? But they’re twins and no one knows who was born first so they don’t know who is supposed to get the throne.”

Peter frowned. “Does Padme not know which child was born first?”

Gwen scowled, “She was a little busy giving birth to the second. It’s one of the greatest mysteries of Star Wars!”

She stared back and forth between their baffled expressions. “The whole second trilogy is based around the Skywalker crown.”

“Your Star Wars sounds way better than ours.”

Gwen had to laugh when Peter B told her Tony Stark was a hero in his ‘verse. In her universe Tony Stark was the playboy billionaire creator of Starkbucks, the overpriced coffee chain.

Miles glared at the chalkboard menu on the Starkbucks patio.

“Pineapple should only ever be on pizza.” Miles spat.

Gwen sipped her pineapple mango frappuccino. “I like it.”

“Pineapple in drinks is weird.”

“I don’t get it man. It’s a fruit.” Peter said.

“So’s a tomato.” Miles shot back.

Peter drank his black coffee and made a face. Served him right. No one came to Starkbucks for real coffee.

Gwen waited until Miles took a big gulp of his drink, “In my universe we put pineapple in spaghetti.”

The spray of caramel chip macchiato was wide and satisfying.

Miles lay back on his bed and spoke into the phone. “You’re working in Hell’s Kitchen tonight?”

“Yeah,” Gwen sighed over the speaker.

“Why don’t you ask Daredevil for help?”

The phone was silent for so long Miles thought the universal signal must have dropped.

“I’m not going to Murderdock.”

“What?” Miles sat bolt upright. “Why do you call him that?”

“He’s a murderer. The kingpin of New York.”

“Holy crap,” Miles breathed. He couldn’t match mild mannered Matt Murdock with Daredevil most nights. Nevermind thinking of him as a criminal mastermind.

“Wait, what happened to the real Kingpin? Wilson Fisk?”

“Murdock killed him.”

“Matt, no.” Miles groaned.

“You know yours?” Gwen asked.

“Yeah, he’s a lawyer. And he’s blind.”

“So’s mine. Blind lawyer criminal scumbag.”

“Gwen, I’m so sorry.” Miles loved his Matt Murdock. Guy was a puppy dog until you let him loose on the streets in his costume. He brought Miles snacks on their team-ups. He had a laugh like a seal barking.

Miles scrubbed a hand over his face. “It seems like all my heroes are their worst selves in your ‘verse.”

“Yeah…” Gwen trailed off. Miles fidgeted.

“Gwen?”

“What if this is the worst universe?” She asked quietly. “What if I’m the worst Spider-person?”

“You’re not,” Miles assured her.

“But you’re right. I’ve got no Iron Man, and Captain America hates me, Daredevil’s a criminal, Harry turned himself into a monster, and Peter…”

“I’m sorry,” Miles could think of nothing else to say.

“I just,” Gwen’s breath hitched. “I just need one person to be on my side. Just one.”

Miles’ heart skipped. “You’ve got me.” It passed like a confession over his lips.

A soft glow pulsed next to his head. A white gloved hand pushed through the light. Miles took it and pulled. Gwen fell through the tear in the universe. Miles wrapped her in a hug as her shoulders shook.

Miles was jumping to visit Peter B’s Central Park. Peter didn’t see how the park could be any different from his, but Miles insisted.

“The colours are different. Like, more saturated,” he tried to explain. Peter didn’t get it. But he took Miles and Gwen tagged along. They stopped for ice cream and watched the ducks while Miles scribbled in his notebook. This was nice. Peter leaned back on the bench with a kid on either side.

Miles tossed his ice cream trash in the bin. “Yeet.”

Gwen scoffed. “It’s yote.”

“It’s not.”

“Do you seriously say Yeet?” Gwen leaned around Peter to make a disgusted face at Miles.

“Yes,” Miles closed his notebook.

“I think I just threw up in my mouth.”

“Wait, what about Kobe?”

“Kobe?” Peter was lost. “For accuracy?”

“No, it’s Lebron,” Gwen corrected.

“I love Lebron James,” Miles said the name in a weird voice.

Gwen scowled. “I recognise the meme you’re trying to do, but it’s Serena Williams.”

“No!” Miles groaned.

“What do you have against the greatest basketball player of all time?”

“She plays basketball?” Peter asked.

“Yeah. The Raptors won the championship because of her.” Huh. Remind Peter to ask if she played women’s basketball or if the NBA was a mixed gender sport.

“She’s a tennis player here.” Peter offered.

“She’s a swimmer in my ‘verse.” Miles nodded.

“No!”

“Wait, what about the pikachu reaction meme?” Miles asked to Peter’s bewilderment.

“Oh, ‘cause of the face he just made?” Gwen poked Peter’s cheek. He batted her away. “It’s not pikachu, it’s bulbasaur.”

Miles nodded. “Ok, cool. What about Galaxy brain?”

Peter stood up and walked away. The two could bicker about internet fads all they wanted. He was going to feed the ducks.

“What do you mean penguins are extinct?” Peter gasped.

“I don’t know, man,” Miles held his hands up. “There was an earthquake and Antarctica sank or flooded or whatever and now there’s no penguins except in captivity.”

Peter scrutinized Miles through squinted eyes. The kid liked to mess with him. Penguins couldn’t be extinct, right? That was a joke?

“Um, can you put me down?”

Peter hadn’t even realised he’d lifted Miles up by the front of his hoodie. Peter carefully set Miles back on his feet.

“When did this happen?” Peter demanded.

“I don’t know,” Miles shrugged. “Like, thirty years ago?”

Peter gasped. “Does that mean you’ve never seen a penguin?”

“Um, no?”

“Field trip,” Peter grabbed Miles’ arm and yanked him through the space between universes. If he focused, he could materialise them right outside the zoo gates. Actually, they should grab Gwen too. Did her universe have penguins? Who cared. The zoo was the perfect place for the kiddies to get closer. Peter could just slip away while they were watching the gorillas or whatever, and presto, instant date. Peter smiled to himself. He was such a good matchmaker.

#spiderverse #into the spiderverse #spiderman #peter b parker #miles molares #spidergwen #gwen stacy #star wars #penguin #pineapple #memes #fanfic #fanfiction #marvel #sony

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365-money-diary · 4 years

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Days 1-7

DAY ONE [JAN 1 2021]

8:00 AM - I’m back! It’s been a few years since I’ve done this and I thought it would be cool to try again. There are a lot of differences with COVID in my life – I mostly don’t leave the house and we [K and I - same boyfriend] are waiting for the vaccine before integrating back.

10:00 AM - Grab a handful of chex mix, make a chemex, and zone out on the couch for a bit. It’s been a really slow week all around, but good. I’ve gotten a lot of cleaning stuff done and I’m hoping to wrap up my to-do list this weekend.

11:45 AM - Clean the kitchen and shoot black bean burgers for my recipe blog. I started this sometime in 2018 but really picked things up in 2019 and even more so with being home in 2020. I have a goal to turn this into a lucrative side gig by the time I have kids which won’t be for a few more years.

2:30 PM - Burgs turn out great and photograph well too. K and I eat them with a side of chips and salsa and a seltzer.

4:30 PM - K, KP (dog), and I take a 1-mile walk. I do a Pure Barre livestream after. I’m doing the platinum challenge this year (15 classes x 12 months), so my first class of 180 is done! Hah. Decide I want to buy some stickers for the chart I made to track my classes so I buy a pack on Amazon. $7.44

6:30 PM - Make cauliflower rice for dinner with tofu. Put Mamafuku crunchy chili sauce on it that friends gifted us for Christamas.

10:30 - Get a nasty text from my mom about refinancing my house. I want to put K on the title, but it turns out I will get taxed a gift since we are not married (yet!). Kind of annoying, but K and I decide to just wait until that happens. Also my parents suck with anything non-traditional and it is becoming a huge problem in our relationship.

DAY ONE TOTAL: $7.44

DAY TWO

9:30 AM - Make a chemex. Feeling a little off from last night and the way my mom seems to think she can step all over me. Watch Youtube [Dessert Person] and start to edit photos from yesterday.

12:00 PM - Make soyrizo tofu (for me) / egg (for K) scramble tacos for brunch.

1:00 PM - Can’t decide on which color background is better for these burgers and after polling my friends one of them suggests and A/B test. The nerd in me is so down and I build the campaign in Facebook. Open a seltzer. $10

3:30 PM - Ride the Peloton for 10 minutes (Trying to integrate this more into my workouts - I love it, but I love barre more!) and then do a barre stream. I email the studio about the new warmup since I seem to have hurt my lower back from yesterday’s workout.

5:00 PM - K is tired of finding my hair literally everywhere so we decide it’s time to cut it - I haven’t had a cut since December 2019. He chops off a good 6-8 inches. It looks ok!

6:30 PM - Heat up leftover lasagna rolls and air fry some green beans for dinner. Eat a piece of peppermint bark while everything heats.

9:30 AM - Make a chemex. Feeling a little off from last night and the way my mom seems to think she can step all over me. Watch Youtube [Dessert Person] and start to edit photos from yesterday.

12:00 PM - Make soyrizo tofu (for me) / egg (for K) scramble tacos for brunch.

5:00 PM - K is tired of finding my hair literally everywhere so we decide it’s time to cut it - I haven’t had a cut since December 2019. He chops off a good 6-8 inches. It looks ok!

6:30 PM - Heat up leftover lasagna rolls and air fry some green beans for dinner. Eat a piece of peppermint bark while everything heats.

8:00 PM - Pour myself a glass of rosé and rummage for snacks - eat a small handful of chex mix and some gf pretzel sticks.

9:00 PM - Looks like yellow is winning the A/B test by about 2%! I build out the rest of the assets for the post so it’s ready to go first thing tomorrow.

DAY TWO TOTAL: $10

DAY THREE

9:30 AM - Chemex and a handful of chex mix. Turn on Raptors / Pelicans game from yesterday. Wrap up my black bean burger post and get it up into the interspace.

1:00 PM - Wow that took 100 years. I’m really trying to amp up my posting signal, and what normally takes 30 minutes took an hour. Blah. Need to get away from screens.

2:00 PM - Eat leftover black bean burgs for lunch with chips & salsa with a Polar seltzer. Set chairs up in the backyard. NY Friend is in town and he and Q are stopping by. Q paid me back the last of the ~$2k he owed me sometime last summer. We’ve remained very close and I don’t feel like our friendship has been affected by this transaction in a negative way!

5:15 PM - NYF & Q head out. Jump on a zoom with K’s family for a bit and then hop over to another one with some of my girlfriends. Pour a glass of rosé.

8:00 PM - Watch the last two minutes of the Suns game (they lost). Need to eat. Heat up a Big Sur Breakfast Burrito for dinner with tortilla chips and truffle hot sauce. Check analytics on black bean burg it’s doing REALLY well. Yay!

9:30 PM - Make brine for ham seitan and check my fantasy teams (I’m in two NBA leagues). Both are on track to win this week!

DAY THREE TOTAL: $0

DAY FOUR

7:00 AM - Pure Barre weekly charge. $15

8:30 AM - Cue that They Might Be Giants Song, I Don’t Want to Go to Work. Pull on a pair of fitted sweats with an Everlane tee. Make a chemex and seitan ham dough. Open my computer and discover that Slack is down. Do some misc reddit things before returning to emails.

9:30 AM - KP barfs on the carpet. Gross. K helps me clean it up. Wash hands and toss seitan ham in the oven.

10:00 AM - Eat siggi’s plant-based yogurt for breakfast. This is by far the best vegan yogurt out there. 10/10 - vanilla is the best.

11:45 AM - My seitan exploded. Damn. It’ll still taste good but I hate when that happens! Eat a piece of rye toast.

12:45 PM - Eat a leftover lasagna rollup for lunch along with the last of the chex mix. Open a Polar seltzer.

4:30 PM - Here’s the part where you stop reading already because of generational wealth - Dad calls and says there was enough money in the family trust this year for every grandchild to get $5k and that he transferred the money into my account. This was a total surprise - we thought last year was supposed to be it. Always eternally grateful for all of the gifts my grandparents have given me over the years and 2021 is no exception. Check my account and see my stimulus also hit today. What a day to be alive.

5:30 PM - Do a Pure Barre live stream, take a birdbath, and get ready for the grocery order. We order Instacart every 2.5 weeks and it’s always a production to wash and put everything away. In this order, we get frozen burritos, tofu, tortilla chips, riced broccoli, real cheese, vegan cheese, frozen corn, plant-based yogurt, cloves, low carb tortillas, bread, onions, scallions, bell peppers sauerkraut, pickles, relish, vegan butter, sprouts, bananas, basil, green beans, vegetable bouillon, chickpeas, oranges, romaine, grapes, clementines, black beans, vegan mayo, broccoli, potatoes, carrots, tomatoes, thyme, rosemary, cauliflower, garlic, lemon, celery, cucumbers, limes, jalapenos, apples, horseradish, leeks, cilantro, marinara sauce, dark chocolate, frozen peas, olives, BBQ sauce, salsa, pepperoncinis, mustard, lasagna noodles, & lemon juice. $324.11

8:15 PM - Finish up seitan ham and roast potatoes to go with veggie sandwiches. We eat these at the start of every grocery run and they have Dave’s Killer Bread, Vegenaise, vegan cheese, seitan ham, cucumber, onions, red bell pepper, sprouts, romaine, and red wine vinegar. So delicious. Pour a rosé after dinner.

DAY FOUR TOTAL: $339.11

DAY FIVE

8:15 AM - Lay in bed thinking about the generosity of my grandparents. Decide to put $3k of the money into my investment account, $1k into HYSA, and put the last $1k off to the side for wardrobe improvements – I lost some weight last year and NONE of my clothes fit. I have 4 dresses that are work-appropriate and the rest - I gifted to friends and others in need. For the most part, I’m waiting until COVID winds down and I have to be in public again before buying much just in case my size changes again.

9:00 AM - Chemex, banana and a clementine for breakfast. KP seems to be feeling better today.

12:30 PM - Make K and I salads for lunch with romaine, cucumber, bell pepper, tomato, chickpeas, red onion, and cashew ranch. Open a Polar seltzer.

2:00 PM - Yard guy texts me and says he never got December’s payment. He says it’s totally chill but it’s absolutely not because he did a crap ton of work on our side yard. Pay him plus an extra $20 immediately and schedule something for the weekend so he can get the rest of the leaves out front. $180

3:00 PM - Last night I found the DDR subreddit and honestly couldn’t be more happy. I LOVED the game and still have my gear from middle school. I drop in the shed to find my mat and dust it off to use for later. Also eat a handful of gf pretzels. Venmo my old coworker for a joint bday present for another old coworker. $25.30

4:00 PM - Work is finally slow so I change into my exercise clothes early and do pure barre livestream. I make it through the entire workout uninterrupted and try DDR for the first time in a hot minute.

5:45 PM - That was SO fun. I played for 30 minutes. Did mostly songs on standard but had way better stamina than other times I’ve tried to pick it back up again when I’ve been extremely out of shape and couldn’t really keep up + light songs are boring so this was just a treat.

7:30 PM - Make leftover bean, rice and cheeze burritos for dinner with chips and homemade chile de arbol salsa. Drink a glass of wine after.

DAY FIVE TOTAL: $205.30

DAY SIX

8:50 AM - I slept through my alarm? Or turned it off. Weird. My butt is so sore today from yesterday’s workout. Make a chemex. Eat a banana.

10:00 AM - Have a call with a mortgage loan officer and give him the official green light to proceed with refinancing my house. Interest rates are so good right now. Shortening my loan by 4 years and mortgage will only go up by $20! Give the guy my card number to pay for the appraisal and credit check. Goodbye stimulus. $658.66

12:30 PM - K turns on the news to watch the Trumpers protest. I make a salad for myself for lunch and toss one for him in the fridge. Attend virtual therapy. Got some good things to think about and am energized after. Therapist doesn’t take insurance so this is OOP. $90

2:15 PM - Tune into the news. What a giant cluster. I don’t have much to add to the conversation. I’m disgusted but not surprised. Eat 2 clementines and a handful of gf pretzels.

5:30 PM - Do a barre livestream. Start to catch myself feeling a little wonky halfway through and make a nuun. Perk up after 5 minutes and finish strong.

7:00 PM - Make veggie sandwiches for dinner with miso butter broccoli. Watch the news for a while, finish a book about abusive partners (I grew up with a lot of abuse and still deal with it from family members who suck), pour a glass of rosé and eat a couple chocolate squares and a few sweedish fish.

12:30 AM - Fall asleep on the couch. At some point I wake up and sleepily eat a few mini pretzels on my way to the bedroom.

DAY SIX TOTAL - $748.66

DAY SEVEN

8:50 AM - Sleep in again but this time on purpose. Make a chemex and eat a banana and two clementines for breakfast. Make an effort to drink water too.

10:00 AM - My back has been feeling really bumpy lately and I think I need to get that layer of bacteria off since my regular cleanser isn’t cutting it. Buy a bar of zinc soap from Amazon. $14.04

1:30 PM - Eat K’s salad from yesterday so it doesn’t go bad with a Polar seltzer.

4:00 PM - Work has been wild today. Lots of calls. Good progress, but not so much for a major report I have due soon. Hopefully I’ll be able to finalize it tomorrow so it’s off my desk. Eat some grapes.

5:30 PM - Ride the Peloton for 10 minutes and do a barre live stream.

7:00 PM - Rinse off, do the dishes, roast potatoes in the oven, make the last of the black bean burgers for dinner. Spend the rest of the evening working on the header and footer templates for this project, reading Remain in Love, and watching NBA.

DAY SEVEN TOTAL: $14.04

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thejakeformerlyknownasprince · 7 years

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Modern Animorphs AU (part 2)

@jollysunflora : The second half of my complete list of modern AU Animorphs headcanons, approximately one per book.

28. “Ax,” Marco says, “How come you can roll out ‘venti dulce de leche dark-chocolate frappuchino extra whip’ without batting an eye, but you giggle every time you have to say the word ‘soy’?”

“It has so many vowel—owl?—sounds, in so little space,” Ax says. “That long sssssssssss, so pleasant on the tongue, but then that odd oooyyy ooy-yah? All in the back of the mouth. Very strange. Sssoooy. Ssususs-oooyaaa.”

“Also, he’s moved on from the frappuchinos,” Tobias adds. “Now he keeps spending all our hard-stolen bitcoins on espresso mack... mach...”

“Espresso macchiato con panna,” Ax explains. “Doppio.”

29. Cassie feels herself sweating as she props the laptop across the room from her, tools laid out and Ax unconscious on the table. She never expected to find a YouTube video on how to perform brain surgery—and to be honest, it’s actually about “how neurosurgeons perform an orbitozygomatic craniotomy,” not intended to be a how-to manual—but it’s the best she can do under the circumstances, and so she’ll follow along for now.

MM3. “That’s the kind of strong leadership we need.” Jake gestures to the full-color television (this year’s latest model) where a program of their current leader plays on a loop. “Keeping the wrong kind of people out of this country, saving America for the right kind of Americans.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Rachel says. She and Tobias and Jake are the only three Animorphs, except when Melissa joins them sometimes, and listening to their “Supreme Leader” blather on gets old sometimes. “All I want to know is whether it’s true that within a few years people will really have phones that plug into their cars. That’d be cool.”

Tobias rubs his eyes against the silk of his wing feathers. They itch constantly, since he doesn’t have a gas mask to wear every time he goes out into the pollution-opaque air outside the way that his human friends do. Jake and Rachel take bets sometimes, idly, brutally, about whether he’s the last raptor left on the face of the planet.

“Magnificent!” Drode appears in their midst, and both the Berensons immediately point guns at his head.

30. Marco is lying on his bed the day after watching Eva fall, staring at a patch of wall above his dresser, when he registers that his phone has been buzzing for a while now. It goes off so many times he assumes he has to be getting a call, but when he checks his notifications he just discovers he’s gotten seventeen text messages in the last hour.

The first is from “Smurfette,” and says “Did you know that there is a type of food that involves baking a cinnamon bun inside of a donut? We must secure as many of these as it is possible for a human to consume, as soon as possible!”

The next one, from “Hawkgirl,” reads: “found out recently that apparently ax still thinks you invented flea powder. i told him that if youd invented flea powder wed all be a lot richer right now.”

“Team Dad” (not to be confused with “Real Dad,” which is how Marco lists Peter) sent along several invitations to team missions on League of Legends this afternoon, along with a threat to have Cassie play Marco’s avatar if Marco doesn’t join in. “we both know that by the time you get back you’ll have only healing attacks and she’ll have trained it to apologize automatically for stabbing people,” Jake adds.

One of the many texts from “Julia Butterfly Hill” suggests that Jake has underestimated Cassie’s diabolical streak, because it’s a screenshot of a clone of his account which has had its name changed to HarambeWasFramed.

The real surprise, however, is the single text from “Xena: Warrior Princess.” It’s a link to an article about a disaster in the local national park and the efforts to clean up the wreckage of an as-yet-unidentified craft which went down in the canyon. Marco has to read it a few times to understand the point she’s making, because it’s all about what’s not there: the article makes no mention of any human bodies being found among the wreckage.

Marco gets halfway through typing a reply to them all which informs them in no uncertain terms that he sees through their transparent attempts to cheer him up and doesn’t appreciate it, but he deletes without sending. He can practically hear his mom’s voice saying it: he can focus on the fact that he’s still surrounded by people who love him, or he can focus on the negative side of everything. And being constantly negative is no way to live.

31. “Sharing this again, because its been 3 months,” Jake’s cousin Brooke posts on Facebook. “Anyone who has any news at all about Saddler, no matter what it is, PLEASE contact my family. Big brother, I dont know if youre still out there, but I miss you. I miss you like crazy.”

Jake turns up his Spotify’s Offspring channel a little louder to drown out the sounds of Tom and his dad shouting at each other downstairs. His eyes flinch past Brooke’s post, but they can’t move fast enough to prevent the thought that flashes across the surface of his mind: Is this going to be me a year from now?

32. Tobias texts Rachel and Jake an article from Audubon.Org, where several birdwatchers are going into ecstasies of scientific fascination at the bald eagle and peregrine falcon seen flying in close formation in a cell-phone video taken near a highway overpass downtown. His only comment is, “Told you so.”

33. In the aftermath, Rachel does a Google search: “PTSD treatment symptoms outcomes.” She reads through the WebMD site, the NIMH page, the Wikipedia link to a DSM-5 entry. She thinks of Tobias’s withdrawn silences, his antipathy toward so much they used to enjoy, but she thinks of other things as well. How exhausted Jake seems any time they’re not on-mission. How badly Cassie flinches when the school bell rings and doors slam. How Ax seems to be gradually losing interest in the things—cooking shows, new condiments, human history trivia, These Messages—that once drew his fascination. How last week Marco flicked an ant off the back of his hand and then went white like he’d just kicked a puppy. How good it had felt when she’d hurt David, spreading the pain around, giving it back.

She catches an Uber to the clinic downtown, filling out forms in the waiting room based on the checklist written on her phone for “how to get tobias an ssri”: Yes, she often feels tense and worried. Yes, her heart often races for no reason. No, she hasn’t thought of ending her life. No, she doesn’t feel out of control when she eats.

She gets as far as developing a cover story—it’s about how she’s never felt the same since her parents’ divorce—but in the hallway to the office she panics and calls Cassie. “Am I doing the right thing?” she asks, after she’s explained.

Cassie is silent for a long time, never a good sign. “I’m not sure an SSRI would work on a bird,” she says at last, “and that’s even if we could figure out a dose that would work without killing him. I know you want to help, and I think you should, but...”

Rachel hears what she’s not saying: but what if her mom asks too many questions? But is this risk really worth it? But what if the psychiatrist (the receptionist, the pharmacist) is a controller? But isn’t it them, and only them, against the world, and isn’t that just how it has to be?

“The war won’t last forever,” Cassie says weakly, and Rachel hates her a little for it. “When it’s over, when we get to tell everyone what’s happening...”

Rachel hangs up. She goes home, morphs, and flies out to the woods.

«You know I love you, right?» she asks Tobias later that evening.

«Of course I do.» He sounds exhausted. She’s never felt more helpless in her life.

34. The Yeerk Peace Movement, as it comes out, has a Twitter feed. It is rather painfully obvious that it has been set up and run entirely by aliens who are doing their very best to communicate with humans, and not quite succeeding. Most of the posts are couplets, for some reason that none of the Animorphs can fathom.

“Want to be On Fleek? When you see someone’s rights threatened, speak!”

“Don’t be a Belieber anymore - end slavery and even the score.”

“#tbt: Remember when we were symbiotes? Give taxxon freedom your sympathy votes!”

“Nickelback is super lame, and keeping involuntary hosts is just the same.”

“Respect your host’s rights today, and make your human into your bae!”

35. It’s Marco who comes up with the idea for how to take down William Roger Tennant. This is a guy, after all, whose cockatiels have their own Instagram account: he runs his fame on the internet.

“It's simple,” Marco explains. “We start a hashtag—#notsonicetennant—and we make it go viral. All we have to do is film this guy everywhere he goes, and eventually the yeerk will slip up.”

It proves not to be simple after all. Their gif of Tennant twitching madly mid-EPA speech gets overshadowed by the news story about One Direction nearly getting poisoned with spiders at the same banquet. Ax does not understand the concept of hashtag, and keeps adding #notsonicetennant to his retweets of what Marco calls “food porn.” They train one of Tobias’s repurposed GoPros to follow poodle-Marco, but that becomes a meme mocking the world's most obnoxious stray dog rather than Tennant himself.

The plan finally, finally comes off when they pull out all the stops and just confront him in morph. The smartphones that Rachel rigged up in the surrounding buildings don't pick up the thought speak, but the audio of Tennant screaming at the aliens to leave him alone comes through just fine.

When the scandal breaks, the internet (in truly predictable fashion) drops #notsonicetennant and starts using #tennantgate instead.

Ax reposts an old photo of Tennant eating a quinoa salad—zoomed in on the salad—and tags it #tennantgate. All of his teammates assure him they appreciate the attempt.

36. “All right, that’s just weird,” Marco says, looking at the final entry in the underwater creepshow they’ve been walking through for the past hour. “All the other ships have been getting more modern as we’ve gone, but this one? Looks like it was made in the sixties, at the latest.”

«The world’s creepiest museum curators are getting sloppy with the placement of bodies as well,» Tobias points out. «There’s no way that many people could fit on a boat that small. They’re practically falling over the sides.»

Jake and Cassie look at each other, seeing the same realization reflected in each other’s eyes. Neither one of them wants to say it out loud.

Jake becomes the one to bite the bullet. “Don’t you get it?” He points to the ragged clothes, the emaciated bodies, the modern smartphone tucked in among the antiquated radio equipment. “They were refugees.”

37. Rachel shuts the window on the library computer as soon as she hears someone walk into the room, but she can tell she was too late by the look on Jake’s face when she turns around.

“Roy Ludvig, huh?” Jake says. “Heck of a name.”

“He was at the T.V. studio when we attacked.” Rachel looks down, picking at her nail polish. “No civilians were supposed to be in danger.”

Jake’s expression softens, as much as it ever does. “And now you’re scrolling through his Facebook, looking for something that’ll let you sleep at night.”

“He’s got a grandson,” Rachel blurts. “Jordan’s age. He...” She shrugs. He’s dead, and it’s more or less her fault.

“Shouldn’t be looking on Facebook.” Jake sets his phone on the library table next to her, taps the screen to bring up an official-looking report. “You should be, say, borrowing my dad’s computer. Sending an email from his account to ask for the guy’s medical records. If you had, you’d know that Mr. Roy Ludvig had a heart condition. That he had maybe a year to live, at most, and doctors said he might die at any old time.”

Rachel looks down at the report for a long time, and eventually looks up at Jake. “Doesn’t make it okay, what I did,” she says. “He’s still dead.”

Jake shrugs. “You don’t have to forget it ever happened, but you do have to live with it. Live, and fight another day.”

38. In the aftermath of Estrid's visit, Tobias is flying over the boardwalk when he sees a henna artist who clearly smokes way too much pot to be a Yeerk. He gets Ax, they morph human, and both get henna tattoos of Elfangor's name. (Ax had previously expressed an admiration for the human tradition of commemorating a lost loved one by making markings on one's body.) They know the tats will disappear when they demorph, but they're both glad they did it. The artist asks how long they've been together, and Tobias says in a scandalized voice, “he's my UNCLE!” Thus, Tobias succeeds in both of his goals: making Ax laugh, and reminding him he has family here on Earth. Honestly, the reminder doesn't hurt Tobias either.

39. “You know, not all squirrels are like that,” Marco is fond of saying after a morph goes wrong. “Not all termites are horrifying worker drones.” Sometimes it’s, “You know, some of my best friends are fleas.”

It’s Cassie, however, who gets the last laugh out of that one. «You know, Marco,» she says as they swim away from the wreckage of the helicopter, «Not all ants are like that, right? I shouldn’t say that all ants are killers, right?»

Marco stares at her in silence while the others snicker, watching him war between the two impulses: to keep the joke going forever, and to express his honest hatred of ants.

«Come on.» And now Rachel has joined in on the teasing. «You’re just going to let that kind of besmirching of the ant community stand?»

«Okay, okay!» Marco gives in. «Ants suck. Yes, all ants!»

40. “Our experts have examined the video extensively, and near as we can conclude, this footage is genuine and unedited,” the newscaster says. “Given how viral this video has proven to be, with over two million views since it was posted to YouTube on Wednesday, everyone wants to know: is this footage proof that aliens exist? Is this a publicity stunt for the upcoming Fantastic Beasts sequel? Or, as one YouTube commenter asks, did a Smurf just have sex with a centaur?”

«Potential new ally?» Tobias suggests. He’s already tapping out a search for the original video in his modified tablet.

Ax laughs. «Of course not. He’s crippled. A vecol. Useless. We must respect the privacy of his isolation.»

“You know what? Fuck that,” Marco snaps. He shoves to his feet, posture tight with anger. “Just... Fuck that,” he tells Ax. “I have ADHD. Attention Deficit whateverthefuck. I take a pill every morning to help me function because my brain isn’t good enough to filter stimuli all by itself. I got a fucking 135 on the world’s most boring IQ test and I’m still failing half my classes. I’m a vecol. You think I’m useless, huh? You gonna start refusing to talk to me because of some bullshit about ‘respecting’ my ‘privacy’? Huh?”

«That’s different,» Ax says. «You’re not...» He doesn’t seem to know how to finish that sentence.

«If he’s an exception, I hope I am too,» Tobias says more gently. «I got screened for anxiety disorders as a kid, and I guess we’ll never know if I qualify or not, ‘cause my aunt decided that doctors cost money and if the test said I needed one then she didn’t want to know about it.»

Ax doesn’t answer for a long time. He doesn’t seem to know where to look.

«Let’s go tell the others what we found.» Tobias taps a button to send the video to himself. «We can talk more about this later.»

MM4. Tobias flinches when his phone makes the small ping sound that means he has an alert. The new kid is the easy target in every school on the planet. He wonders what it’ll be this time: another Facebook post where the semi-anonymous account Toby IsALoser tags him in another meme about how he has to pay people for sex because the sight of his body would make any normal girl run away screaming, another unnamed Instagram ping telling him he should kill himself so that no one has to look at his stupid fat face anymore, another Snapchat image of a puddle of vomit with the caption “me when I think of you,” an email with the most disgusting gif anyone could find after a quick search...

It’s not, though. It’s an invite to join a private Facebook group, called The Sharing, with several hundred local members. Most of the names Tobias recognizes are cool older kids from the high school. Intrigued, willing to trust for the moment that this isn’t some ridiculously elaborate prank, Tobias clicks “join.”

41. Jake looks around at the enormous open field, concrete pitted with openings and low hovels of corrugated steel and rebar. He can see for nearly half a mile in every direction before the smog makes it impossible, and the tallest things around are the hunched hork-bajir. “Where are we?” he asks.

Cassie frowns. “This? Jake, this is downtown Manhattan.”

He gapes at her. “What happened to it?”

“Tall buildings are targets for drone strikes,” she says casually, turning away. “The only way to be safe was to go underground.”

42. Marco doesn’t bother going to the house of the guy who photographed them, nor does he try to catch the kid before he uploads the video anywhere. Instead he waits for the image to appear on YouTube, then becomes the first commenter. “Sweet manip!” he says. “Is that Photoshop, or can you do that in free programs like Gimp?”

43. “EarthIsOurs-dot-tumblr-dot-com?” Marco says incredulously. “What does Taylor do there, post pictures of her pet taxxon? Reblog plans for planetary domination?”

«Judging from her archive history, she’s had this blog for many years,» Ax says. «She recently changed the domain name, but some of the content on here is from as early as 2008.»

Jake and Marco get caught up in debating with Cassie about what exactly to send to her, but Tobias just scrolls quietly through Taylor’s old posts. She didn’t lie about being beautiful, he realizes, or about being popular. There’s a long blank period in her tumblr account in mid-2014. And then she posted one selfie—just one—after the fire.

He can’t bring himself to read the names that the trolls call her, or the discussions about how much money they’d have to be paid to have sex with her. But there’s no overlooking the suggestions that she kill herself. The posts are too numerous, too vitriolic.

“Every chick ever to wander onto the internet has gotten that crap,” Rachel says; clearly she’s been reading over his shoulder. “She should’ve developed thick skin, not joined the Sharing.”

Tobias thinks of the Facebook page made at his old school just to discuss the fact that he’s a chubby zit-face, of the posts which eventually overwhelmed his Instagram with death threats. «Yeah, I guess,» he says.

44. It takes a long time for Cassie to get home from Australia, but at least they’re not too worried for most of that time; she texts them her location and a brief description of the insanity that landed her in the Outback as soon as she gets in contact with Yami’s family.

45. “None of this makes any sense,” Peter says. “I’m hallucinating, or you’re delusional, or else—”

Marco sets his phone in Peter’s lap. “Check the timestamp, Dad. I took that six months ago.”

Peter stares at the phone for a long minute, and then slowly looks up at Marco. At a clear loss for words, he tilts his head back toward the screen.

“I know.” Marco laughs, the sound wet with tears. “That blond wig looks terrible on her. But it’s really her, Dad. I swear.”

46. “So they’re going to get the U.S. embroiled in another war,” Marco says. “And this one with a country that can actually fight back.”

«Seems like,» Tobias says. «Only why bother with all the secrecy and political wrangling? Why not just send a couple mean tweets to Donald Trump and Kim Jong-Un? That’d probably do the job just as well.»

“No, it wouldn’t.” Jake runs a hand through his hair, looking around at them all. “The yeerks need a total war. Everything the U.S. and its allies can pull out, against everything China and its allies can muster. Our military has gotten too used to sending drones to fight its wars, to ‘tactical strikes’ against insurgents. If the yeerks want half the species annihilated, they have to do a lot more than poke a couple of egos.”

47. “News flash,” Marco says. “Your average suburbanite ain’t gonna accept a seven-foot-tall alien for a neighbor. You know the number of times my mom’s been asked for proof of citizenship before she was allowed to vote or cash a paycheck or buy a car? How many times she’s been pulled over by cops while driving the speed limit with her seatbelt on? And she’s a regular old human being. Toby’s right—the hork-bajir have a whole other fight coming if we ever win the war.”

48. Rachel feels the blood drain from her face when she opens the Facebook message and sees the name attached. David’s Facebook account has been defunct for almost two years now; there’s no one left who would want or even be able to access it from the outside. Should be no one.

Miss me? the message from David’s account says.

Who are you? she types with shaking fingers. What do you want?

I know what you did. I’m coming for you. I’ve got friends all over the place and they’ll find you. They’ll kill you. Amazing the allies you can get, when you know where the bodies are kept. On the internet, no one knows you’re a—

Rachel hits “block.” She tells herself that the screaming nightmares she has all that night and into the next are the product of having a stressful life, she’s an Animorph for pete’s sake.

She doesn’t stop shuddering every time she gets a message for the next two weeks, but she never hears from whoever (It wasn’t David. It couldn’t have been.) it was ever again.

49. They stagger away from yet another hopeless fight, all of them injured, half of them missing limbs or bleeding to death. Dragging their damaged bodies behind the first dumpster they find, they demorph, remorph, and force their minds to focus long enough for the long flight home. It’s only when Rachel is in owl morph, staring around the dimly lit alleyway, that she sees the security camera pointed directly at their location.

«They must not check it that often,» Marco says without much hope. «Or else they’d be out here already to come looking for us.»

«Doesn’t matter,» Tobias says harshly. «It had a perfectly clear view of all your human faces. And that building is owned by the yeerks.»

They all stare at each other in dull shock as the realization sinks in. They always knew this moment was coming—they could only be so careful for so long—and yet, on some level each of them hoped it never would.

«Take one more night to be with your families,» Jake says at last. «We evacuate everyone in the morning.»

Jake loses his phone, again, somewhere amidst all the chaos. This time around he doesn’t bother to replace it. It’s not like his mom is going to be wondering where he is, not anymore.

50. “So,” Jake says, “this is going to sound crazy, but—”

“Aliens are invading the planet, and you’re the only kid terrorist who can stop them?” James suggests. “We do have wifi up here, you know. You’re Jake Berenson, right? You’re all over the conspiracy theorists’ forums right now.”

“Um.” Jake runs a hand through his hair, starts again. “Yeah, pretty much.”

James nods. “In that case, you’ve got thirty seconds to convince me your story’s not a load of crap before I call security.”

51. Ax secures their wifi in something a billion times better-hidden than Tor. With that reassurance, they all end up starting blogs.

Marco’s is a rambling string of wry comments about everything from the invasion to his parents’ science projects. Sample post: “Insider source (aka my mom): Visser Three has morphed human and eaten AN ENTIRE BAG OF MARSHMALLOWS in one sitting, ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASION. Pass it on!”

Jake’s is the place that people go to find out how they can help, and to get his reassurance that the help means something. Sample post: “As Barack Obama says, ‘We the people recognize that we have responsibilities as well as rights; that our destinies are bound together; that a freedom without a commitment to others is unworthy of our founding ideals, and those who died in their defense.’ This fight will never be over just as long as we keep supporting each other. I can’t tell you how grateful I am to you all for the KickStarter donations.”

Rachel’s has beauty tips for the American girl on the run, light and self-deprecating enough that you often don’t notice the undercurrent of desperation. Sample post: “If you want to be able to look at yourself in the mirror, try fixing your hair using reflective surfaces such as pots, ponds, or pieces of Bug fighter wreckage. Alternately, just say ‘fuck it’ and never look at yourself again.”

Cassie’s tells people how to stay safe, and how to keep their environments safe as well. Sample post: “Everyone please remember, it’s important to stock enough food and water for family pets as well as humans when retreating to an apocalypse bunker!”

Tobias’s has a lot of good-natured grumbling about everyday life in the valley. Sample post: “In other news, my girlfriend’s mom is currently arguing with the smartest being on the face of the planet about where to put the new latrine facilities. Sorry Naomi, but my money’s on Toby.”

Ax’s has a lot of food reviews, of course, but again there’s that undercurrent of desperation, almost like he’s trying to convince someone else (or maybe even himself) that humans are worth saving. Sample post: “Marco assures me that there are no less than 23 distinct flavors contained within every sip of Dr. Pepper. Just think of the years of experimentation and innovation it must have required to produce a drink which can inspire 23 different reactions from human taste buds, all at the same time. Truly inspired genius.”

52. They run drills upon drills for what to do in case of a drone strike. Using any morphs they have that can dig or build—mole, taxxon, elephant, beaver—the Animorphs create an extensive network of tunnels and shelters, posting guards at all times to keep their eyes on the sky. The hork-bajir valley doesn’t show up on satellite imagery, which they only know thanks to Peter’s definitely-illegal fact-gathering missions on the darkweb, but they don’t know for sure whether an overhead camera would be subject to the same strange perceptual distortions they all experience when flying there as birds. They nearly lose their precious secrecy when Naomi sends several emails from her work account, claiming she’s being held hostage and asking anyone who will listen to come rescue her. Eva generates a hasty follow-up from the same account asking people to ignore “the prank that I now realize was in poor taste,” but none of them are sure it worked for the next several days.

53. Rachel makes one last post on her nearly-extinct Instagram account. This time the scrap of paper she uses appears to be torn from the back of a food label, but the penciled script is as intricate as ever. It reads “Who wants to live forever? —Freddie Mercury, 1986”

54. After it’s all over, Tobias retreats, he hides, but he keeps a thread of communication open. Cassie shoots him an email with the subject line “Hawk patient with intermittent aggression and lethargy—any idea what could be causing it?” Marco sends him idiotic memes that now feature the Animorphs’ names and faces. Ax asks for constant updates on the new wing of Taco Bell being built downtown, and repays the favor by leaking confidential information about the search for the Blade ship.

And then he gets one of the stranger emails he’s ever received. It’s an offer of a full legacy scholarship to Harvard University (which has just found the means to explain some inconsistencies in the records of one “Alan Fangor,” who graduated in the ‘80s) in exchange for Tobias teaching one class per semester on any subject of his choice. He agrees, with the stipulation that all his classes be online.

The resultant course (Ornithology 442: An Insider’s Perspective) is like nothing the students who participate have ever seen before. Tobias will write out rambling treatises on Why Blue Jays Suck or All the Ways Hawks Are Superior to Eagles with a thought-speak-to-text recorder. He’ll deliver online lectures from a shaky webcam pointed into a nonspecific tree, occasionally wandering off for hours at a time to go hunting. Students who ask him personal questions about Rachel get regurgitated mouse skeletons Fed-Exed to their campus mailboxes. Essays that don’t demonstrate much effort get feedback such as “even I can tell this sucks and I have a seventh-grade education” or “my grandmother could make better sentences than this AND SHE’S AN ANDALITE WHO DOESN’T SPEAK ENGLISH.” Assignments include “find one bird fact in a textbook and explain why it’s a load of crap” or “go film a Boston pigeon until it does something interesting, I dare you.”

Nevertheless, enrollment is so popular that Harvard has a three-year waiting list and charges students an extra $500 just to sign up. When Tobias finds out about the extra fee, he promptly video-calls the Intrepid, gives Ax remote access to his computer, and explains why he needs Ax to convert the course illegally to a MOOC. Harvard University fires him for breach of contract; Yale hires him on that very same afternoon.

part 1 here

#animorphs #modern au #long post #ableism #mental health stigma #food #racism #cyberbullying #fatphobia #ptsd

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sevralships · 8 years

Text

“Just Because You Can” Part 5 of 7, Chapters 17-19

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7 FIN]

The Pines triplets, Mabel, Dipper, and Jolene, have always been best friends. But lately, there’s been some distance growing between the Mystery Kids, due in part to the forbidden feelings with which they are each struggling. How will they manage to see eye to eye, when torn between wanting each other and craving adventure?

(This is a new AU that I’ve been calling Jolene AU, devised by myself and @handleonthescandal after one of us asked the question “What if Mabel and Dipper were triplets but with another sister?”. Although this AU is similar, it is not connected to Double Dippin’ AU, and Jolene is in no way connected to Tyrone.)

Shoutout to @sirwaddlesesquire for being the trustiest squire and an insightful, helpful, and supportive beta.

Mostly SFW, mostly angst with some action/adventure and a little bit of fluff, tw incest

Fic under the cut, enjoy!

Chapter 17: Flight

Jolene’s brain stalled like a car in mud. This can’t be happening, she told herself impatiently, I’m hallucinating. She’d been pretty freaked, but she was sure that once she’d stopped the tears and washed her face five or six times and recited to herself every reason that she couldn’t kiss her brother, that she was back to normal. The fan in the bathroom was pretty loud, but she had thought she’d heard Mabel out there. She had braced herself to see Mabel, and opened the door, only to find bona fide proof that she was still hardcore hallucinating.

She took in the scene before her. Trying to break down the hallucination and find reality. Mabel and Dipper were kissing in Dipper’s doorway. Simple as that, as if it were the most normal thing in the world. Like a boyfriend kissing his girlfriend goodnight by her front door. Her arms draped over his neck, his arms pulling her close against him. Their lips moving together, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, like they were two halves of the same whole and being together was more natural than being apart.

No way, she reminded herself, No way, this can’t be real. Find the flaws. Something was off, for sure. It took a second for Jo to realize Mabel was wearing black. There it was, yeah. Yeah, no way Mabel was wearing all black. It wasn’t even glittery black. Mabel hadn’t even worn all black to their grandpa’s funeral, opting instead for a respectfully funereal but much more Mabel-y navy with a sequin-trimmed blushy-pink cardigan. Mabel Pines did not do black.

And Dipper seemed off too. He was so…poised. Jo almost smiled at the idea of ‘Dipper’ and ‘poise’ in the same thought. Dipper was cradling Mabel in a leading-man kinda kiss, one hand in her hair while the other possessively gripped her waist. It was the kinda kiss that ended up on movie posters for Victorian-era romances that would bore you to tears. Very not Dipper, Jo comforted herself, Dipper would definitely be all bumping teeth and stammering stepping on toes, not so suave. She rubbed her eyes, confident that when she looked again, her mind would quit playing this cruel joke on her.

But when she opened her eyes, they were still there. If anything, the kiss had deepened, their brows softening with tenderness, their hands gripping a little tighter. Her heart started to speed up again, banging on her ribs angrily, as she stared. Softly, almost too quiet to hear, Mabel sighed. Sighed against Dipper’s lips. Dipper’s lips, which only moments ago had hovered over Jo’s own, tempting her to kiss them. But she hadn’t, after all, she couldn’t, he was her brother and her best friend and he would have pushed her away and wiped his mouth and scorned her and–

He isn’t. She admitted to herself, He isn’t pushing her away. He isn’t mad. He isn’t weirded out. He’s kissing her back. She took a silent step into the hallway. Mabel isn’t me, though. He would have pushed me away. It was like a knife in her quickly speeding heart. He actually wanted Mabel. But… Mabel? Of course Jo knew Mabel idolized Dipper a little, for all her teasing, she was devoted to him. Indeed, Jolene had had murmurings of suspicion that Mabel wanted Dipper, but still. Seeing Mabel not push him away… Who kissed who? She found herself wondering, her eyes flashing desperately back and forth between them. It doesn’t matter, the knife in her chest reminded her, it doesn’t matter. Now that they have each other, why would either of them need you?

Mabel and Dipper leapt suddenly apart, and it took Jo a moment to realize she had cried out. Two sets of brown eyes were on her, wide and panicked. ‘Deer in headlights’ would have been a gross understatement. Jo’s heart was racing, fast and irregular, competing with her tongue’s attempt at forming words, “What- what in the- how?”

“Jo, it’s–” Dipper began shakily.

“It’s what?” Jo demanded, “You guys were kissing.” She cringed inwardly at the way her own accusation echoed the taunting ‘k-i-s-s-i-n-g’ of a child’s taunt.

“I can explain,” Mabel pleaded, her skin deathly pale against her strangely dark clothes.

“Oh, I’d like to hear that,” Jo said, crossing her arms over her crazed heart.

“It-it…”Mabel cast her eyes down, “It was… It didn’t mean anything! It was just–”

“…it didn’t?” Dipper asked, his voice softly devastated. Mabel’s eyes rose to meet his and Jo’s blood ran cold. It did mean something, she knew, More than I thought…More than…They don’t want each other, they love each other.

“Dipper…” Mabel begged, torn between trying to appease her siblings’ conflicting hopes, “It’s so complicated…”

“You know what, it’s fine!” Jolene interrupted, surprised by the vitriol in her own voice, “You guys don’t owe me an explanation! I’m just your sister, what the hell do I know?!” She took a couple steps towards them, “Discuss on your own time whether that-that-meant anything, because you know what? I don’t fucking care!”

“Jo-jo,” Dipper implored, “Please, please listen to me. Mabes and I are as confused as you are. Please, we love you–”

Jo laughed in Dipper’s face and he cringed, “Oh that’s rich!” she stood directly in front of him now and he could hardly believe the fire burning in her eyes, “You’re confused, huh? Being confused makes you start kissing your sister, huh? Because I coulda sworn being excited nearly had the same effect! Guess anything might inspire some sister-smooching!”

Shit shit shit, so that is what happened, Dipper swallowed hard, thinking of how Jo had scurried from his room, “Jo, it’s not–”

“What’s she talking about?” Mabel asked, her head cocked to the side.

“Jo, calm down!” Dipper begged, “Can’t we just talk about this?”

“Calm down?” Jo repeated shrilly and Mabel winced, shaking her head, seriously Dip, never tell a girl to calm down, “Why-why-would I be calm? I just lost everything!” Jo pushed Dipper hard and his tailbone hit the ground painfully, as Jo strode past him into his room. She’d always had a short fuse, but Dipper had never in his life seen her so incensed, “You don’t fucking understand! You-you, neither of you!”

“Jolene…” Mabel said from the hall, stepping into Dipper’s doorway.

“Don’t,” Jolene screamed, silencing them both, “You don’t get it! You-you matter! You’ve always been the ones that mattered! You saved the fucking world, what the fuck have I done!?” She smacked her chest to punctuate her reference to herself, “You’ve always looked out for me and put up with me but you never needed me! I needed you, my world, my happiness depended on you, but I’ve only been a drain and a nuisance!” Angry tears were streaming down her face, her voice alternately shrill and thick with crying, “I almost got you killed, Dipper, and…and I…” Her words faltered as they were overpowered by her tears, “And you, you have each other! And-and that’s, that’s just great! You don’t-don’t need me, ‘s’time I learned to not need you!”

In a blur, Jo was out the room and flying down the stairs, leaving Dipper and Mabel blinking at her absence.

Chapter 18: No Time To Lose

The sound of the car pealing out of the driveway woke Dipper up and he sprang to his feet. His eyes went at once to the spot on his bed that he knew would empty, “Ohh, shit shit shit shit shit,” he whined, pressing the heels of his hands to his brow.

“Dipper… what…?” Mabel asked softly from the doorway, leaning against the frame.

“Fuck!” Dipper shouted, kicking the leg of his bed. He turned on Mabel angrily, “What the hell was that?”

Mabel flinched in the face of his sudden anger, “Why are you yelling at me?” she asked, stung.

“Why am I yelling at you?! Seriously?!” Dipper gestured towards the hall, “Why did you yell at me? Why did you kiss me? Why did you try to say it…it…meant…”

As usual, Dipper’s anger burnt out fast, and Mabel tried to offer him a reassuring smile, “I’m sorry, it didn’t….it didn’t not…I was trying, to, just, with Jo–”

Dipper shook his head, like a dog shaking off water, and held up both hands, “We don’t have time to talk about this right now. We need to go after Jo.”

“Dip,” Mabel put her hands on his shoulders, trying to meet his eyes, “Maybe she just needs some time to cool off–”

“No, no way,” Dipper brushed her hands off, pacing his room, “Jo’s not going to cool off, she’s going to fucking get herself killed.” He held his face in his hands without slowing down his pacing.

“What are you talking about, Dip?” Mabel asked, exhausted with her siblings’ cryptic ravings, one right after the other.

“She-she took her pack!” Dipper said, pointing at his bed, “She was packing it before the interview, saying-saying she wanted to go after the Lone Pine Mountain Devils!” Dipper rolled his eyes at Mabel’s blank stare, “They’re these really fucking mean bird-dinosaur-raptor things that no one’s ever gotten a picture of because if they see you, they kill you! One whiff of meat and bam, they’re tearing your frickin’ face off!”

“Fun…” Mabel said drily.

“Well, that’s where Jo’s going!” Dipper’s voice cracked, “And she took the Chariot and she speeds like a crazy person, especially when she’s mad, and I’ve never seen her this mad, and I don’t even know why she’s this mad and we don’t have a car–”

“Yes, we do,” Mabel interrupted, and it was Dipper’s turn to stare at her blankly, “Well, you guys were my ride and when you didn’t come to the play, I had to use McMahon’s music van again and–”

“Awesome, can we use it?” Dipper cut in, ignoring the guilt trip about the play.

“Um, yeah,” Mabel said, watching as Dipper pulled his pack from his closet and started filling it on autopilot, having done it a million times.

He glanced over at her watching him, “Don’t just stand there, go get your pack. We have no time to lose!”

With a small eye-roll that Dipper didn’t see, Mabel left to go follow his instructions. Entering her and Jolene’s room gave her a moment’s pause. Her heart twinged looking at Jolene’s side of the room, the disheveled green striped bedsheets, the wall plastered with posters and her drawings. She felt the urge to climb into Jo’s bed, pull the green comforter over her head and go to sleep. She’d been up early and worked hard on the play, on top of that the mess with Jo, and the fight with Dipper, and the kiss… She felt her cheeks redden at the thought of the kiss. She wished she could take it back and go back to how things had been yesterday, but at the same time, she wished she could walk over to his room right now and kiss him again. And again and again, and not stop kissing him until their parents got home.

She pushed these thoughts away as she went over to her closet, digging through the purses and shoes and miscellany on the floor looking for her pack. How long has it been since I was invited on an adventure thingy? She asked herself. Finally she pulled it out, the pink camouflage emerging from the piles of more often worn accessories. Some stuff was still inside it from whenever she’d last used it, some rope, a water-warped map, no longer readable, the round pink canteen that matched the pack. She shook it and it sloshed, and she made a face, wondering how nasty water would taste after years in a plastic bottle. Canteen in hand, pack slung over one shoulder, Mabel trotted quickly downstairs to the kitchen.

She was filling the canteen at the sink when Dipper thumped down the stairs, he peeked his head in, “Are you ready yet?”

“Almost. Water,” She said, trying not to be short with him, “The keys are by the door, with the ‘Phantom of the Opera’ keychain.”

“McMahon is such a dork,” Dipper muttered tensely, turning away, “Hurry up, Mabes!” he shouted back from the door.

Mabel rolled her eyes again but did hurry. She was leaving the kitchen, twisting the cap onto her canteen when she had an idea. She turned back and opened the fridge, remembering the conversation she’d had with Dad that morning. She’d eaten breakfast before Dipper and Jo had gotten up, and had handled Dad’s well-meaning awkwardness all on her own. He’d talked to her about the recipe he’d found for Beef Bourguignon that he was looking forward to trying this week. She opened the fridge and silently thanked Dad. She grabbed one of the two shrink-wrapped packages of stew meat and stuffed it into her pack. If these things are as bloodthirsty as Dip said, she reasoned with herself as she left the house, we might be happy for a distraction.

Chapter 19: Brave

The Mystery Machine purred under Jo’s shaking hands. It was content and happy to be speeding along the highway, oblivious to the agitation of its driver. She’d planned and dreamed about this trip enough that the route was seared into her brain. She figured that was a good thing. There was no way her mind could have followed the tiny text and tangled lines of a map. For once planning wasn’t a waste of time, Jo conceded, thinking of Dipper’s obsessive lists and itineraries. The thought curdled like milk upon contact with the acidity of her pain. Maybe I’ll never see one those stupid plans again.

Jo hadn’t thought that far ahead, but it seemed impossible that she would ever see either of her best friends again. It wasn’t as if she could go back home after all this. And that was if there was any of her left to go back home at all. Her stomach turned as she realized she hoped there would be nothing left. She saw the Lone Pine Mountain Devils in her mind, flapping their grand wings and snapping their jaws. It made her sick, but she hoped they were as ferocious as everyone said.

She moaned aloud in the privacy of the Mystery Machine. She felt too much at once to be quiet. For the first time in her life, she had to admit to herself that she wanted it to end. And why? She was embarrassed, beyond embarrassed, mortified. As she never had been before. I can’t face them, especially Dipper, I can’t I can’t I can’t. Not Dipper who was so logical, so responsible, so reasonable. He must think I’m such an idiot for blowing up like that. And she knew she couldn’t bear to see the pity in Mabel’s eyes again, the desperate appeasing pity that had made her say it meant nothing.

‘It didn’t?’ Dipper’s wounded voice echoed in her mind, lancing through her embarrassment and her anger to the heart of the problem. It had meant something. It had meant so much. She knew, she knew intimately, how much it had meant. It would have meant just the same thing to her.

How long had she harbored this unwanted but undeniable passion within herself? How many times had she snuck glances, touches, sniffs? She had so hated it in herself, so feared that she would be found out. So terrified that if they only knew what she was feeling, they would never forgive her. But she couldn’t have predicted it playing out like this. It doesn’t make any sense! It isn’t fair! They may forgive her, but how could she ever forgive herself?

She’d had a chance. She’d had a chance at getting what she wanted. Dipper had held her in his arms and looked down at her with something a hell of a lot like desire in his eyes. He’d been so handsome, his parted lips so incredibly tempting. If she had just let herself respond, let herself go to him like iron to a magnet, he would be hers right now. Would he? She wondered, Or was it never really me he wanted? Even so, she wished she had kissed him while she had the chance. When she’d run to the bathroom, it hadn’t been with any thought to whether or not there would ever be another opportunity.

You’re full of shit, Jo, she scorned herself, You were never gonna make a move. You were just going to yearn and pine in pathetic silence. But not Mabel. No, never Mabel. Matchmaker, love at first sight, summer romance Mabel would never have been content to sit by and wish away the days for anyone, even her brother. Some part of Jo was sure that Mabel had kissed Dipper. She’d always been pushier, flirtier, more socially adept than her triplets. The Dipper that Jo had left standing nonplussed in his room wouldn’t have turned around and kissed someone else. As much as it felt that way, as much as it stung, he would have been too discouraged, too confused. Mabel had kissed him, no doubt. Typical, Jo admitted to herself, Mabel could have her choice of men, of course I’ve only ever wanted the two of them. She moaned again, this time the one word, “Freeeeeak.”

Would she have been able to kiss Mabel? She couldn’t help wondering. After all, her feelings for Mabel were older, had developed first and been undeniable. She could avoid thinking about Dipper, but she had never been able to set aside how she loved and longed for Mabel. No, she admitted, No, that made it even harder. There was a different brand of rejection at stake. Being pushed away by Mabel would have broken something else in her entirely. Who could bear being turned away by the better version of themself?

If you hadn’t been such a fucking coward, Jolene, she bullied herself, accelerating even more, If you hadn’t run away from him kissing you, you wouldn’t have to run away from him kissing her! It was hard to believe she had been so elated only hours before. High from the Mystery Monthly interview, basking in Dipper’s excitement, that version of Jo felt a million miles away. Why did you run? Aren’t you the brave one? Isn’t that the only goddamn thing you have going for you?

“Yes,” she said to herself, her voice choked with tears, “Brave,” she glanced over at her pack in the passenger seat. She had always been braver than Dipper, even if she wasn’t brave enough to kiss him. His caution had only held them back with Tessie, and it wouldn’t get in her way this time. He nearly died because of you, a doubtful voice in her head reminded her. She pushed it away, Well, then, it’s a good thing he won’t get in my way this time.

Continue to Part 6

#pinecest #pinescest #gravity falls fanfiction #jolene au #jbyc #just because you can #sevralfics

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geekade · 8 years

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Geekade Top Ten: Rick and Morty!!!

There’s a circular sort of mindset about animation. The original thought was of it being tailored toward adults. Then, at some point, animation was accused of only being for kids. There’s a generation lost to the fact that Johnny Quest, The Flintstones, and The Jetsons were all originally prime time fare. When The Simpsons showed up in 1989, there were cries of it eating away the brains of youth (thanks Barbara Bush). Of course, after that we moved on to The Critic and Family Guy (and Duckman for a brief time), but there were also Animaniacs and Freakazoid and Batman: The Animated Series. Oh, and Gargoyles and Futurama.

Most recently, a show started up that is well written, with a sometimes loose improvisational feel, that is totally for adults. I told a friend that he should watch the show and his response was: “I’m not 14 anymore, cartoons are for kids.”

What he called a kids show, of course, is Rick and Morty; the brainchild of Justin Roiland and Dan Harmon (of Community and Monster House fame). It’s rapidly become one of my go-to pieces of television when I can’t find anything else to watch. It is one of the few series that I WILL buy the DVD/Blu-Ray set for because I support it that much. I love the show SO much that I've joined forces with my Apathetic Enthusiasm co-host Travis to start a Rick and Morty podcast called Interdimensional RSS, conveniently located over at ApatheticEnthusiasm.com! (Check out the inaugural episode here!)

For this month’s Top Ten, I wanted to rank my favorite Rick and Morty episodes (though I will watch them all 50 more times). Let's begin.

#10. Pilot (Season 1) - This is what started it all! (Actually, that’s not entirely true… Doc and Marti is what originally started it, a more direct parody to Back to the Future… I digress). This is not usually the first episode I show people because it doesn’t properly set the tone for the rest of the series. Rick is way more manic and drunk and his burping is through the roof… but if you watch it again after getting into the series, it really is a funny episode. The audio commentary about Justin Roiland’s final lines is pretty interesting… in that he just kept talking.

Quote of the episode: I'm sorry, Morty. It's a bummer. In reality, you're as dumb as they come. But I needed those seeds real bad and I had to give 'em up just to get your parents off my back. So now we're gonna have to go get more. And then we're gonna go on even more adventures after that, Morty. And you're gonna keep your mouth shut about 'em, Morty. Because the world is full of idiots that don't understand what's important. And they'll tear us apart, Morty. But if you stick with me, I'm gonna accomplish great things, Morty. And you're gonna be a part of 'em. And together we're gonna run around, Morty, we're gonna do all kinds of wonderful things, Morty. Just you and me, Morty. The outside world is our enemy, Morty. We're the only friends we've got, Morty. It's just Rick and Morty. Rrrick and Morty and their adventures, Morty. Rick and Morty, forever and forever, a hundred years Rick and Morty, s... things. Me and Rick and Morty runnin' around and Rick and Morty time. Aaall day long forever. All, a hundred days Rick and Morty forever a hundred times. Over and over Rick and Morty adventures dot com W W W dot Rick and Morty dot com W W W Rick and Morty adventures all hundred years. Every minute Rick and Morty dot com W W W hundred times Rick and Morty dot com.

#9. A Rickle in Time (Season 2) - A great season 2 opener. This one leads off at the tail end of Ricksy Business. Time has been stopped for 6 months and in order for things to catch up, they can’t make contact with anyone who was frozen in time. This creates the foundation of a spectacular 64 panel animation of uncertainty. It’s a trip to watch.

Quote of the episode: Man, that guy is the Redgren Grumbholdt of pretending to know what’s going on.

#8. Meseeks and Destroy (Season 1) - Ooooh weeee! When Kris asked me if I was doing a Top 10 this month, I said, “Caaaaannn do!” This episode is a fan favorite, primarily because of the lovable Meseeks. The Meseeks exist and cease to exist just as soon as their singular purpose is fulfilled but they can’t seem to help the incompetent patriarch of the Smith family improve his golf game. There’s also a side story about Morty running the adventure, and a creepy Mr. Jelly Bean.

Quote of the episode: Fee Fi Fo Fum, I smell the violation of Civil Liberties

#7. Look Who’s Purging Now (Season 2) - Sometimes you don’t realize how many times you’ve actually seen a story recycled until someone points it out. In this episode, Rick and Morty stop onto a planet that purges: the society is crimeless because one night a year everyone gets to fulfill their destructive urges. It does a great job of making fun of that concept and even gives us a glimpse of Rick not being able to stomach THAT much violence.

Quote of the episode: Morty, are you alright? Why are YOU with Taddy Mason?”

#6. Ricksy Business (Season 1) - Rick, Morty and his sister Summer throw a party at the house while the parents, Jerry and Beth, head out to a Titanic tourist attraction. It’s another great episode that introduces some unique and hilarious characters. This is the first time we meet Birdperson and the wonderful Abradolf Lincler.

Quote of the episode: Prepare to be emancipated from your own inferior genes!

#5. Something Ricked This Way Comes (Season 1) - Those of you who know me know that I love Anthologies. I do a podcast about The Twilight Zone, and I wrote a Geekade Halloween article about Tales from the Crypt and Creepshow. When a certain Mr. Needful comes into the town and pulls the Needful Things plot out, Rick steps in to use SCIENCE against all of the hokey twists of all of the items. It’s the episode I recommended to my wife when I first started watching (because she got called out by the creator of Booth at the End for criticizing him). There’s another subplot about Pluto, the highlight being Rich Fulcher, but that’s not where this episode shines.

Quote of the episode: Looks like we've got... haunted boxing gloves that will make you the heavyweight champion in 1936, and then you'll be trapped there, winning the same fight for eternity. I can take out the "eternity" and the padding, and then you'll have some time-traveling mittens.

#4. Total Rickall (Season 2) - God… one of the great things Rick and Morty does is to build episodes off a cool concept. In this one, *someone* brought a parasite that replicates by feeding off of people’s memories. Realizing this, Rick locks everyone in the house. Through the course of the episode, hundreds of new characters, most of them parasites, infest the Smith household. Pencilvester, Photography Raptor, and Sleepy Gary all make an appearance. This episode also introduces us to a fan favorite, Mr. Poopy Butthole (also a star of his own comic series by Sarah Graley).

Quote of the episode: He told me to tell you he’s sorry you didn’t have bad memories of him?

#3. Rixty Minutes (Season 1) - This is my go-to “you have to watch this show” episode of Rick and Morty, although I’m starting to know better. This episode is really the one where, after people start to understand the tone and humor associated with Rick and Morty, things really get kicked into 12th gear. It’s more of an excuse to do improvisational sketch animation comedy than it is to have a good episode, with Rick installing an interdimensional cable box with shows from infinite realities. Two Brothers, Gazorpazorpfield, and Ants in My Eyes Johnson are some of the highlights. It, realistically, is MY #1, but there are better episodes for people just hopping on board.

Quote of the Episode: Nobody exists on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere, everybody’s gonna die. Come watch TV.

#2. Anatomy Park (Season 1) - As a fan of Inner Space, the Dennis Quaid/Martin Short comedy, this is a wonderful episode. Rick takes Morty into the body of a homeless man where Rick has set up a theme park, complete with rides, attractions, and a Jurassic Park style break down. Quote of the episode: Do yourself a favor and pop by Pirates of the Pancreas. Obviously I’m biased, but I think it’s great, Morty. It’s a bunch of *belches* pirates running around a *belches* pancreas. We don’t whitewash it, either, Morty. I mean, the pirates are really rapey.

#1. Lawnmower Dog (Season 1) - There’s so much to love in this episode. A dog that becomes intelligent and takes over the human race? An Inception-style storyline that takes us all the way to a Nightmare on Elm Street parody? It’s solid gold. One of the great things about this one is that the A and B stories actually come back together (which is something that, as much as I love the show, it doesn’t always do effectively).

Quote of the episode: Where are my testicles, Summer?

And there it is! What are your favorite episodes of the show? I love every one of them, but I only had 10 spots! Let me know in the comments, hit me up on our Twitter @RickandMortyPod or shoot us an email: [email protected]

#Rick and Morty #Television

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flauntpage · 7 years

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NBA Summer Vacation Watch: Rookies and Olds

Welcome back, sun seekers! As the off-season continues to disappoint and remain highly eventful, summer vacation news of our favorite ballers stays strapped in the backseat of sports journalism. But as expressed in the inaugural edition of this column, I have you covered, even as all other reputable sources fail. We will live by the ancient motto "No shirt, no shoes, no problem," all summer long.

If there's one thing I've learned about NBA summer vacations, it's that rookies really know how to do it sometimes. A combination of not really having a clue and not a lot of responsibility can make for an excellent use of downtime. Let's catch up with a few of the NBA's future best and brightest.

Yogi Ferrell

Mavericks point guard and big fan of burnin' rubber Kevin Duane "Yogi" Ferrell was at the Texas Motor Speedway to take in IndyCar's Rainguard Water Sealers 600 and meet 77-year-old Mario Andretti. I wish there was a picture of Yogi in the car to see once and for all how deep those seats are, but life on the track's a mystery, as they say.

Rating: 3 scorched tires out of 4

Willy Hernangómez

Speaking of tire fires, you have to wish the best for lil' Will: once his summer frolics come to a close, he's probably going back to his scorched-earth team in the fall. (Will we have to get a #FreeWilly hashtag going? Just look at his smile and tell me you aren't concerned for him.)

Willy is the only NBA player we've seen on a jet ski this off-season thus far, tearing around off the coast of one of the Canary Islands no less, but don't panic, it's only almost July.

Rating: 3 lil surfboard emoji guys minus 1 missed opportunity to post a YouTube link to the 'Big Willie Style' video

Marshall Plumlee

Honestly I had to Google "which Plumlee youngest" and was, as ever with a Plumlee, disappointed by the results. Marshall is in Yonkers and got a guitar? Cool.

Rating: Minus 2 for high socks and being a Plumlee, plus 1 for tagging Justin Holiday who did not respond

Marcus Georges-Hunt

Yes, Marcus! Live your whole summer Moving Like Bernie in the hyperbaric chamber of a resort pool in the Dominican Republic, taking leave of it only to pose on the beach with a macaw on your head and a monkey in your hand. Gazing through the watery shroud we ask, "Are those hot dogs on his swim trunks?" and venturing forth in his slideshow we are graced with the answer: allover hot dogs.

Rating: All the fixings, those nice grill marks and little slices on the top, a sizzling sound—truly top dog

Jaylen Brown

Jaylen was in Córdoba, Spain, kicking the ball around. Then he met Chris Tucker and drank what looks like champagne out of a small plastic cup. You are a credit to Boston and to summer vacations.

Rating: 1 wicked good summer

Bruno Caboclo

I don't want to alarm anyone but baby Bruno has been at it all summer so far. My boy picked up a new broom, looked jacked in an IHOP, and hit the beach with another fun-loving Raptors rookie, Lucas Riva Amarante "Bebê" Nogueira, resplendent in sunset gradient boardshorts that made me, for a minute, not focus on what the hell are those two doing in Santa Monica—guys, get the hell away from L.A.

Rating: 2 years away from being 2 years away from the best summer vacation of his life

Permanent Vacation

This off-season has blessed two separate NBA legacies with indefinite vacations. But there is a yin and yang to the long holiday, and it's worth examining the probable results of these two sides of the sabbatical coin.

Phil Jackson

Though he may yet have a coaching career somewhere in front of him, for now it seems improbable that any team would want to scoop up this twisted tire-fire starter anytime soon. Thus, Phil may be looking at an unfolding vista of free time to fill with trips to his favorite Thai place in Sioux City. If I may suggest a vacation for you, Phil, how about Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance-ing the biggest triangle of them all, with a trip to Bermuda!

Rating: Extremely dark and incredibly broke

Paul Pierce

The truth is The Truth is having the time of his life, and doesn't need vacation advice from anybody. Paul Pierce started his symbolic waived contract of a summer vacation by being seated next to Nicki Minaj at the NBA Awards and will likely, hopefully, spend the rest of his days hanging out with KG and calling out hypothetical trades as a broadcaster, using himself as the guy you would or wouldn't get in return, a.k.a. bottling cold-pressed #truthjuice forever.

Rating: 5 copy-and-pasted rocket ship emojis executed on 2 phones—a perfect 10

NBA Summer Vacation Watch: Rookies and Olds published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

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lindoig · 7 years

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Days 18 to 22 (May 14 to 18)

Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mums. Having inadvertently staged our own mini-celebration for Heather’s Mother’s Day last week, we forgot all about it this time until half the day had gone and messages started coming in from the kids. Notwithstanding, we tried hard to celebrate it again.

We went to the Mindel Beach Market in the afternoon. We arrived early because we had been advised that parking was a major issue, but it was pretty easy really. We strolled around for a few hours and Heather bought a couple of small items. It was reputed to have a wide selection of ethnic food outlets as well as some of the usual crafty stuff, but I didn’t feel that it quite lived up to its advertising. There were certainly lots of food outlets, but quite a few were simply replicating their neighbours and there was nothing really unusual at all. Still, we indulged ourselves and what we had was quite tasty. As the sun dropped toward the horizon, the crowds drifted from the Market down to the beach and at least a thousand or two ooh-ed and aah-ed and took thousands of photos as the light faded and the sea swallowed the burning globe. Actually, most people left before the sun was completely gone for some reason, leaving only a few hundred stalwart party people to dance the night away – and it looked like plenty of them had come well-prepared. But once again……. what is with all the people standing in the water, or splashing and swimming, with all the crocodile (and poison box jelly-fish) warning signs about?

Next day, we went west – not on the recommendation of the Visitors Centre where such a direction seemed a little odd. It was 100 or so kilometres to Dundee Beach, stopping a few times along the way to explore. There was not a lot to see, but we sat under a shady tree and ate our sangers and had a cuppa overlooking the brand-new boat-ramp and the ancient Arafura Sea. On the way back, we took a 50-odd kilometre detour north, up to the tip of the Cox Peninsula with Darwin on the horizon to the east. It was getting late so we didn’t hang around there for long and retreated to a couple of coldies and the air conditioner in the caravan.

Quite a lot of the area we travelled through that day had been burned. We have seen lots of fires as we have travelled in the NT. During the Wet, the grass grows to more than three metres high (almost as high as a very tall elephant's eye) and there is a policy of fuel reduction burning up here. People could easily get lost in the grass (a haven for all sorts of deadly snakes and other toothsome critters) so it is a very sensible policy in my view. Actually, the grass is so dense, you probably couldn’t get far enough into it to get lost, but they have apparently have some big bushfires over the years and burning off reduces the risk of uncontrollable conflagrations. For example, we were told that they burn the whole of Litchfield National Park every three years- one third each year and we saw plenty of fires there. We have seen numerous very hot fires right up to the very edge of the road as well as extensive blackened areas, many where there are plenty of logs and dead trees still smoking and the raptors are circling looking for some freshly baked prey – or maybe just trying to find a place to roost without burning their tootsies. We have not been inconvenienced at all by the fires. There are ample signs warning of the risk of low visibility due to smoke, but despite seeing thick smoke in the distance, all we have experienced is a few wispy areas where the aroma of burning leaves is really lovely. (Even when at home, we sometimes collect a few leaves and burn them of an evening just for the smell of the bush and we have enjoyed smelling that on a grander scale up here on lots of occasions.

Tuesday was FABULOUS. When we were on Bruny Island in April, we shared a table at the Bowls Club with a couple whose daughter and SIL have a tourism business up here so I contacted them and said we were interested (even negotiated a ‘family discount’ on account of the ‘referral’ from Kelly’s Mum.) The business is Adelaide River Tours, not to be confused with Adelaide River Cruises from whom they bought the business a couple of years ago. Very few people have heard of them and they are struggling a bit to get known, partly because the previous owner still operates and advertises his Jumping Croc Cruises that almost drown the airwaves up here. He advertises very heavily and Kelly and Alex are still trying to gain market share. We think their all-day tours are hugely better than the hour-long Jumping Croc tours, but horses for courses.

We were picked up at the caravan park gate at 8.15 and eventually joined about 8 other people and were taken to Adelaide River where we boarded their boat and cruised up river for 30-40 kilometres. We saw several crocodiles, one huge beast that investigated the boat quite closely for 10 minutes or so and we had to keep moving to avoid it getting too close. We also saw one by the shore eating what I think was a large olive python – it was having some trouble getting it down. Several of the crocs were relatively small, mainly 2-3 metres – and one cute little metre-long baby made a dash for the river right next to where I was in the boat. He was out of the water and among the mangroves and we just made eye contact when he decided it was safer in the water – they can really run fast!!! We had morning tea on the boat and lunch at the most amazing little private lease they have way up the river. It is just 100 square metres or so, well out of the water, but set up with battery-operated fans, gas barbeques, tables and chairs, even a dunny they have set up. A few of us went for short walks outside the leased area, but it was very hot and it was good to retreat to the relative cool of the shade in the shelter shed. They made us a barbecue, with lots of salads, fruit, cold drinks and a cuppa and we enjoyed an hour or so in the middle of nowhere. Then back on board for more exploring and a coldie or two on Goat Island – a very rustic resort run by a grossly extroverted eccentric with a crazy sense of humour and a singing dog (he plays the harmonica and the dog barks along with him.) All very kitch – ultra-kitch really – but he has carved out a profitable business in the middle of the bush catering for tourists like us, runaways from Darwin’s Big Smoke and fishermen who get helicoptered in to the tiny pad hacked from the jungle behind the ‘motel’.

It was then a run for home, stopping once or twice to check out a sunbaking croc – one truly enormous reptile that stayed around long enough for us to all get plenty of pics – and then delivered back to the caravan at about 6.15. It was a great day with interesting people – but only a few birds.

Wednesday seems a bit of a blur. We went out around 10am to buy a new stabiliser leg for the van – the new one we had fitted before leaving home wouldn’t wind down, no matter how hard I hammered it. I even pulled it completely apart and couldn’t get it to work. Of course, the guy who sold us the new one gave ours one solid belt and it worked fine after then, so we are now carrying a spare stabiliser that will probably never get used. I had to go to Medicare to sort out some issues we had in Alice Springs – and they were completely unhelpful, but we eventually resolved the issues ourselves (I hope). We went to the ferry terminal to pay for a tour we had booked, did a little bit of grocery shopping and somehow it was then after 4.30 – and neither of us can figure out how the hours slipped away. Maybe we had a nap during our travels but neither can remember that! Darwin is a lot bigger (and a LOT more spread out) than I imagined so maybe we spend a few of those hours driving from one side of town to the other – but I think not.

Thursday was also a little bit lost to us – maybe we are getting the hang of this sort of lifestyle and an hour or three spent doing something we can’t recall next day is not a big deal. I know we spent some time on our emails, paying bills, making phone calls and updating our blogs, and during the late afternoon, I went off on my own to the Botanical Gardens to try to spot some birds. There were plenty there and I saw a few that we hadn’t seen before on this trip, but nothing quite new to us. I didn’t see the pittas that they say are in the Gardens so that was a little disappointing – maybe I might need to make a return trip after next week and try to spot them allowing myself a bit more time to wander around. The gardens are quite extensive and definitely worth a visit. They are divided into numerous ecological and geographical environments and I found them really interesting.

(Species count 143, including 16 new ticks since leaving home)

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