#this guy is just... not very tender methinks

[vaguely-concerned]

I’m on a Star Wars books roll so here we go with my — unhinged thanks for asking! — thoughts on Dooku: Jedi Lost, specifically the audio play. Short version: I fucking loved this one! For maximum emotional devastation, pair with Master and Apprentice and Padawan the way my stupid ass did and then be sad about it forever I guess that's what I’m going to have to do.

 Long (LONG oopsie) version:

- So. First of all, let’s get the most important thing out of the way on this here old man yaoi website. We all agree dooku and sifo dyas explored each other’s bodies right. Or at least definitely would have if not for the laws of this order etc., potentially. That’s not just me. Good. Thank you. We can now move on 

- Secondly. Well. Guess I’m just going to be inconsolable about Sifo-Dyas forever now. I miss the days in which he was just a throwaway line in AotC spawned by a random misspelling to me, rather than an eternal raw aching wound in my heart

- poor poor ventress just reading through all the proof that dooku absolutely does have it in him to be a good dad I mean master and just — idk got tired of that and went the force lightning route with her. I love the move of having her dead master hang out with her all that time as well (having her slip up and refer to ‘us’ did something to me, god this is so sad. Is he actually there in spirit or is it just her grief dreaming him up because dooku is awful and cold as a cliff  wall and she needs some kind of attachment figure even if she’ll have to reinvent him herself, rebuild him word for word, gesture by gesture. Pain. sorry about your terrible track record with father figures asajj) 

- Lene: (About Averross): He hasn’t changed. 

Dooku: (In the warmest fondest voice you ever heard) And I hope he never does

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH MYSELF? MUST I SET MYSELF ON FIRE TO ESCAPE THE PAIN???

Another strong showing for Rael in general, btw. He’s so warm and charming as a presence even though he’s also a little chaos gremlin. (He’s quite similar to how Sifo-Dyas was when he was young in some ways, I can definitely start to see what Dooku responds warmly to in terms of character traits.) 

- the fact that good ol’ sheev showed an interest in rael, dooku and anakin… interesting huh! He’s just got a soft spot for the disaster lineage I suppose, maybe there’s an element there of luring yoda’s most direct lineage into the dirt with him without yoda even noticing for the longest time. Also cackling at the idea that he looked at qui-gon ‘too fucking stubborn and insufferable to fall to the dark side out of sheer spite’ jinn and went ‘...not that one tho’ fhdskjfa. And obi-wan is more like ‘that one blorbo all my little guys seem wild about but I just don’t get it guys’ 

IF rael’s refusal to join dooku at the end of ‘master and apprentice’ is the last word (which I am not convinced of ;___; be safe cowboy jedi we never see in mainline canon so far), then he’s the only one who has dodged palpatine’s attentions. Wonderful if true love that for him

ALSO rael is one of the few people we know to be on (or at least to consider himself on despite what palps might think lol) first name basis with palpatine. Hilarious. I concur with dooku never change rael 

- Sifo-Dyas: That’s insane. 

Dooku, deadpan: Yes.

Sifo-Dyas: The worst plan I’ve ever heard.

Dooku, somehow even more deadpan: Most probably. 

Sifo-Dyas: I’m in. 

Crying… weeping and dying………… what if someone could have helped sifo with his unfortunate prophecy propensity and they hadn’t drifted apart. Clone Wars averted methinks if dooku still ended up leaving the order he would have been too busy having tender gay sex with the love of his life (and only person who can call him out on his shit and have him actually listen) to be a war criminal (I am being extremely facetious of course this is very much a ‘time traveler killing baby hitler’ situation where the underlying forces causing this point in history are way too powerful to avert the catastrophe in one move. but at least palps would probably have had to pick someone else to wreck the galaxy through and sifo-dyas would be kissed & held instead of going slowly mad. A net plus some (I, me) would say) 

- I just wanted to applaud both the writing and the voice acting for the characterization of Dooku in this, from his young self trying so hard to be haughty and self-possessed but also being like, y’know, twelve and a dweeb and easy for Sifo-Dyas to pull into trouble, to the dry wit and warmth he shows with Rael and Qui-Gon or his sister later. It took me a little while to get into the voice acting specifically (the actor makes no attempt at going the full Christopher Lee, which in hindsight was probably wise), but now I love it. It gets a bit goofy in places but you know what, I am a long time lover of audio plays, that’s part of the charm 

- “Master, have I done something wrong?”

My heart is clenching… do you think… that master yoda’s deal with leaving his student to try fucking everything to have some kind of relationship with him until he just breaks down in tears of despair… is the kind of thing that maybe started a little bit of a generational trauma cartwheel through the ages. The point that bb!dooku is arrogant isn’t without merit and he strikes out incredibly ungracefully about it (in fact I would be a lot more worried than yoda seems to be that he decides to try to kill a tree about it, ‘I felt like destroying something beautiful’-style)  but I just don’t think a… fourteen year old? A teen anyway, Is going to learn what you think he learns from this. I simply don’t believe that silent treatmenting kids will teach them emotional intelligence I guess especially if they already struggle with that naturally lol 

(It is exactly the same mistake (in my opinion) that Qui-Gon makes with Obi-Wan, too, just leaving the kid completely alone and forcing them to come to you every which way for comfort or guidance instead of meeting them or reaching out to them. Especially once you see that really Dooku’s prime emotion/big core wound right from the beginning is loneliness. And that doesn’t only come from a feeling of superiority (which to be sure is also a big factor), because he has no idea where he comes from until he meets his sister. I don’t think the jedi as a whole were unsalvageable by any stretch of the imagination, but Yoda specifically… you are on such very thin ice with me at this point you little green fuck. You’re very funny and moving in yoda dark rendezvous and that’s all that’s keeping you in my somewhat good graces.)

- Okay, coming back a bit later I think I’ve found the right words to say this. more precisely dooku has two big issues which you can later see haunting all the way down his lineage — loneliness and control. (and not incidentally the intersecting elements of the two haha.) We see from his relationship to sifo-dyas that he’s not incapable of having close mutual relationships with an equal, but that kind of crashed and burned for reasons neither of them could really help and after that it seems quite telling that he has the easiest time with deeper connection in a teacher-student sort of form. I think his affection is unconditional and real, but you can’t get away from the fact that he also has the most control in that relationship structure by default, he gets to dictate what form it takes to a big extent. He doesn’t trust other people — the underlying idea ‘Only I can do this’ that eventually leads him down the Separatist path is there the whole way. It speaks both to a sense of superiority and an utter lack of faith that other people can or will help him. And then that echoes down through the master-padawan line: 

Qui-Gon with his self-righteousness and utter refusal to compromise leaving him isolated among the jedi (only he is right. Yeah the Force told him so. Don’t worry I’ve got a permit *insert parks and rec I can do whatever I want meme here*), Obi-Wan with his anxiety and perfectionism and incredible sense of shame and responsibility that he should be able to carry the whole world on his shoulders alone and beating himself up for failing, all feeding into not knowing what to do with Anakin and his complete lack of control of himself and his desperation to gain and maintain connection and love (which earns him the title of ‘Dooku’s least favorite family member’ fhdsa his immediate disdain for him is so funny and so in character. Repress and go slowly mad like a normal person anakin the way you’re carrying on is just undignified and that is much worse than being evil)… 

- Rael gently telling Dooku to take on another padawan soon… so sweet, so sad, local cowboy jedi looking out for his dad. Also highlights something about Dooku I think is true: that he does much better and seems to have an easier time holding to the light when he’s responsible for someone else. Again, I do feel like Dooku’s core problem is loneliness, but it seems like raising kids is the one point where that relaxes somewhat. Maybe if Sifo-Dyas had stayed in a better mental place and they kept in touch it could have been different.

- Lene Kostana is SUCH a character! Charismatic and deeply fucked up, when it’s revealed how her and Sifo-Dyas’ relationship remains long after his padawan stage is done I felt a little bit sick, to my surprise. Because that could just be kindness on her part, of course, it’s good that he has someone he trusts to look after him when he can’t himself, but also there’s something… queasy about the way it keeps him continually young, in a way. (Notably he still calls her ‘master’ even as an adult, when they’re working together. Not uncommon in Star Wars, of course, but together with everything else going on vibes-wise… hm.) The inherent unreliable narration of this story really worked for me in this regard especially — do we know that young Dooku was entirely wrong when he sensed the dark side in her? She certainly is willing to go to lengths that are… worrying! in her fascination with sith shit, she tempted children into a dangerous place they didn’t understand and couldn’t know the consequences of and she continually puts sifo-dyas in situations that are implied to be a risk to worsening his condition. Run of the mill incredibly irresponsible at best, sincerely sinister at worst. Did she choose Sifo over Dooku because he’s more vulnerable and shapeable? There is an undercurrent of something icky and emotionally incest-y going on with how she relates to Dooku and Sifo-Dyas in general (right down to the ‘NO, no one can know about this’ intensity after the… evil moss cave. I can’t believe I’m this emotional about a book with an evil moss cave). I don’t think she’s a proper sith in any way and I also believe there is real affection there on all sides, but idk something about the whole thing makes me deeply uneasy. Yoda where the fuck are you your son is out there with his irresponsible mom again they’re looking for dirty needles in haystacks and they’re not even wearing any gloves

- dooku telling sifo-dyas he can come back to haunt him if he likes as a joke… well well well I’m sure that doesn’t ring with some dramatic irony at some point down the line lmao

- honestly looking back at master and apprentice after reading jedi lost makes qui-gon's apparent lack of reaction to dooku leaving seem — let's call it highly suspect haha. rael asks him if he's spoken to dooku after and qui-gon is like 'no. why would I. it's literally fine. anyway this topic is done now'. (and rael seems to just go ‘*older brotherly knowing* uh-huh’) meanwhile he's thinking about dooku *all the time* trying to figure out his role as master to obi-wan, thinking about being a padawan himself, the parts of his life he shared with both dooku and rael. The jedi doth protest too much methinks  

ALSO how much of qui-gon thinking the council was too lenient with rael after he had to kill his padawan is about that actual situation, and how much is a ‘our family still likes my older brother more than me even though he Fucked Up so bad and breaks just as many rules as I do’ sort of deal mixed with his own neuroses about how he’s failing obi-wan (to which rael’s situation symbolizes the worst possible outcome, i.e. the kid dies and it’s basically your fault). Many thoughts. 

- moment of silence for jenza of house serenno. Girl your only sin was being surrounded by asshole male family members and I’m so sorry I think you did all you could with what you had to work with here.

Not… entirely sure how dooku’s claim to the title supersedes hers — is he a year older than her? (she’s eleven when they first meet, he might be twelve or older at that point I don’t remember haha) Does she just give up her place in the inheritance order? Are primogeniture and male heir preference factors in Serenno inheritance law? Not the most important thing honestly it works anyway thematically but could have been clarified quickly!

- interesting to see that the council’s restrictive policy against engaging with prophecies had a surprisingly big impact on how things went down. Kostana has a lot of responsibility in Sifo’s fate for insisting he keep it secret, but there is genuine fear for what might become of him if the rest of the order finds out he’s got 24/7 futurevision hovering over him threateningly… listen it’s not like the poor guy can help getting the future constantly pumped into his brain at nightmare resolutions, I think maybe if there had been more willingness to at least engage curiously with the concept of prophecy and how it works, even if you don’t put your faith in the particulars of what the prophecies say, this wouldn’t have had to be such a shitty isolated secretive life for him. hearing him slowly fall apart over the years considering how bright and lovely he started out... oof is all I can say 

- when dooku was a good jedi he was such a good jedi!!! The scene where they’re saving the kids from the collapsing hospital, every time he teaches his students anything…the impulse of someone has to do something about this! that made him so good at saving lives turning dark with the tarnish of frustration and rage over the years… nooooooooo problematic grandpa why did it have to be like this :(

- …do you think infant jedi can sense what’s going on around them in the Force. Because it makes a very sad kind of sense if dooku on some level remembers bodily or in the Force that he was not only abandoned but rejected in disgust as one of the first things he discovered in the world. Oh boy. With all the ways attachment relationships can go wonky in the first few years in real life I don’t even want to consider how much more wrong it can go when the baby is fucking psychic lol

- vaguely related: the way dooku seems to find the very idea of being truly reliant on anyone, emotionally or otherwise, personally offensive, terrifying and humiliating lol. Yoda saves him from being crushed by rubble and he is outraged because that means he can’t save himself (and his newfound sister) without anyone’s help like he thought for one glorious moment he could. The fantasy of perfect emotional self-sufficiency, doing away with all the messiness and risk of interpersonal relationships and cutting off the possibility of really being abandoned again. It’ll get ya every time. This is also a thing you see reflected in his lineage — they’re all quite inward-turning that way until you get to anakin, to different extents and with varying presentations but it is there I think. Qui-Gon turns to the Force, Obi-Wan to perfectionism and shame and rumination, Rael to the bottle and depression and hedonistic apathy, but they all struggle hugely with letting anyone in to help them. Dooku’s line are all much more comfortable being the helpers rather than the helpees, as it were.  

- “Thank you for everything, Lene. Tell Rael and Qui-Gon — tell them… tell them the Force will be with them, always”

Emotional terrorism against me specifically and personally. You asshole you just excused yourself from the non-attachment rules there’s literally nothing in the world except you to stop you from reaching out and telling your children you love them yOURSELF why are you like this

- the recurring theme of dooku seeing something beautiful (the tree in the temple, the tirra’taka as a child and an adult) and ending up lashing out to destroy it… but the tree was old and mighty and he was young and new and couldn’t truly harm it, so he was saved from his own impulsivity. And then when he sees the tirra’taka as an adult he loves it immediately. And in the end he still mangles and destroys it. He didn’t mean to, but he did. He woke it up and hurt it just by existing as a child and then he had to kill it as a mercy because he was too powerful at that point for anything to buffer his mistakes. The parallel with the bird he loved that he also couldn’t protect. He starts out with an aching loneliness somewhere at the core of him through no real fault of his own but by the end it is entirely his own fault that it’s worse, because he starts wrecking everything he loves in an almost absent-minded but definitely intentional way, like it’s a nightmare he’s listening to through the door as it happens in the next room over. He really IS the ‘I just felt like destroying something beautiful’ central of the jedi.

at the end qui-gon is dead and through dooku’s own influence, however indirectly. Rael has had to turn away from him. Sifo-Dyas is dead on Dooku’s own orders and so is his sister, he might as well have done it with his own hands. (though I think it’s very interesting that in each case he didn’t do it with his own hands, he consistently uses a middleman.) He lives within the coldness of his sterile empty castle and horrifically mistreats the one person he might have found something like connection with the way he did with his students before (Ventress), deliberately trapping her in a similar state of utter desolate isolation and telling her, essentially, ‘We’re like this as people and nothing can be done to change it. We can’t escape, we’re already doomed, stop trying, it’s too late. You are just like me (and if you aren't already I'll make you like me)’. And that’s the closest thing he gets to love anymore. When he accused Ky of using her ‘as a salve for his own loneliness’ and you’re like well well well mr projection man how’s that working out for you. He is completely, shatteringly alone and he is so entirely as a consequence of his own actions and he's too far gone to understand or care. I’m howling you useless fucking FOOL dooku  

- dooku 🤝 john gaius

“Hm. I have observed that there are in fact many flaws in our society and the government is deeply corrupt. So if I kill a few billion people here and there in order to fix it, is that not basically okay when you really think about it” 

Dooku making salient points about the political and ethical failures of the Republic and then, just when you think he’s onto something, he goes and makes The wildest fucking decisions about what to do about it. Sure. dark magic and genocide are probably the only ways out of this you’re so right bro. If we make enough minuses to add together surely we’ll end up in plus sooner or later

- *head in my hands once more* I can’t believe I am genuinely emotionally invested in someone called Count Dooku with the looks of a knockoff dracula and ultimate moral character to match right now this is terrible. hey. hey dooks. what you have to go and fuck everything up so bad for huh I’m so incredibly sad now

there is something to be said about how getting to see glimpses of what dooku looked like in the light makes it so much more heartwrenching that he never came back. he could have, a thousand times. and every time he chose not to.

[allthatmay]

(about the smoker/ace ask) i see the same in their dynamic !! theyre both very passionate, stubborn people. whereas shanks is the ~suave guy who knows how to play ace, smokers the typa to add fuel to fire in an argument (whether he means it or not). i can easily see them ignoring the other other for weeks and then angrily hate fucking when they stumble against each other at a random place.

lots of miscommunication and lack of trust are guaranteed (more on the ace side with his self–esteem and roger issues, methinks); its the type of relationship where both make mistakes even when they genuinely want it to work. again, theyre on the same side of the coin personality wise, so things end up pretty heated without someone to balance it out. great for one night stands, not so good when these stands end piled up into something more intimate.

theres also the secret relationship thing, with one being a pirate and the other a marine ... (it has been quite the open secret for a while now, but no one really talks about it cause of the garp factor). on the side, theres almost everyone furiously recommending each of them to give up already (“that kids not good for you, smoker, just look how he has you...” “i get that you love him, ace, but the guy ain't worth all your tears”).

this has ended in more of a ramble than i had expected, and i also added some of my own hcs ... apologies for that !!

Hahaha, I read this whole thing while nodding, like, "This person gets it!! We're on the same level!!"

Yes, Shanks can work with and around Ace's insecurities and proclivities, whereas Smoker would butt heads with him. There'd definitely be a lot of hate fucking, like you say! (But we love a good hate fuck.) I totally agree that they'd be making mistakes even when they want things to work; that they'd make more mistakes trying to fix the last. There would definitely be moments of intimacy and tenderness, but ultimately, things would be hard for them. And that's certainly in part because of the secret relationship stuff!

That aspect of their relationship is what I enjoy most about it, probably. "Forbidden love" is always enjoyable. I also like the idea that their friends would be trying to convince them to give the relationship up. You just know Tashigi and Thatch would be leading the charge on their respective sides. Thatch would use food to his advantage; Tashigi would just be insufferable. Maybe she'd buy Smoker a real nice set of cigars before sitting him down for a chat.

I think their relationship would culminate in a battle—a draw, obviously. And they'd break up right there, on the floor, tired and fucking defeated. The bad end. (But we like those too, sometimes.)

In general, I think toxic relationships can be super fun to explore in fanfiction. Just because a relationship is bad for you in the long run doesn't mean there isn't still value to be found in it (and the lessons you learn from it). Smoker and Ace are a prime example, in my eyes.

Thanks for your thoughts! Loved hearing them! Very much agreed.

[deluluass]

hi

could yoy do please some yandere kuroo and kageyama headcanons? 💕

nsfw is welcomed 😊

My first headcanons 🤞🏽

Yandere! Kuroo Tetsuro

Content warnings: markers of a toxic/emotionally abusive relationship; dumbification; daddy kink; sex toy(s); mild public play/exhibitionism

😇SFW😇

This boy has a fascination for messy people.

And by "messy", I mean that Kuroo has a soft spot for those who put up some sort of front. A performative mask to hide their crumbling psyche.

Oh.

Those are his favorites. (Especially when they're not even aware that they’re hiding something.)

Maybe it's because they're so easy to manipulate? (Or perhaps it's a mild case of schadenfreude?)

It's the instigator in him.

He knows which buttons to push and at what time to exactly do it.

Kuroo lives for being that guy who causes a full blown fight by simply dropping a backhanded comment or two.

For being the final straw that eventually breaks the proverbial camel's back.

And then slipping back into the shadows to watch the Drama unfold.

So it's not unlikely for him to form an obsession for someone who's so emotionally vulnerable.

Someone who has the weight of the world on their shoulders; who has everything locked up inside to the point of bursting.

Because then it won't take much to have them falling apart and unraveling before him.

But he's also a caretaker, you know.

He's opportunistic and covertly callous and mischievous, yes.

But you've seen how much he tends to those close to him.

So when you do fall apart, you will do it in his arms.

He will take care of you.

He'll say everything you've always wanted to hear.

You're beautiful and wanted and loved and you don't have to be brave anymore.

Kuroo's here and he understands you.

From the barest changes in your inflection to your most subtle facial expression.

Other people won't catch it.

To Kuroo, though? Tell-tale signs that you're hiding your feelings again.

He understands you in a way that no else had; that no else cared to try.

And eventually that’ll be the very thing that you’ll hold onto.

Never mind that his every word has become an indisputable fact (when it shouldn’t be).

Never mind that the line between Kuroo just being a mindful boyfriend AND Kuroo disregarding your boundaries has become too blurry that it’s impossible to tell which is which.

Never mind that your entire world has narrowed down to just him and you.

Because all your friends have, one by one, made their way for the exit.

They tell you that they're so tired.

They've warned you- begged you, actually- to end this insidiously suffocating relationship.

"I know he's only been nice to you and to us, but there's just...something wrong about that guy," they say.

But until they pinpoint, exactly, what that "something wrong" is; and until you see it for yourself, you're sticking by his side.

Damn whatever people say.

So.

Kuroo's not the yandere who'd chain you up in his basement or something.

Not that he's above it, but because he doesn't really need to.

Not when he has you bound right where it really matters.

😈NSFW😈

Kuroo has perfected being a dom down to a Science.

He knows exactly when to be mean and hurtful and sweet and kind and giving to you.

Kuroo's very generous, methinks! But only if he believes you deserved it.

So you better prove that you earned it!!

He'll having you cumming and gushing into his hand if you pleaded just enough!!

Looked into his eyes all pouty and teary and pliant to all his wishes.

Very into treating you and talking to you like you're not capable of comprehending words.

Oh, darling. I know I'm hurting you. I know I am. But you like it, don't you? That's right. Fuck yeah, you do, you fucking slut.

That's because you're just a dumb little baby, aren't you? You'd be happy as long as daddy makes you cum?

And you'd nod and say yes so obediently as he pounds your little hole even though you can't hear him over the sound of your own moans.

ALSO!!!

HE IS A TEASE!!!!

A FUCKINGN!!!!!!!!! TEASE!!!!

Every seggsy time is edging time!!

Has a thing for slapping your ass until your cheeks are bruised and tender under his palms.

And for sticking a vibrator inside you while you're out in public.

Just to teach you a lesson whenever he feels like you're not learning enough.

"Do you want me to come back until you're ready?" the waiter droned, obviously suppressing the urge to roll his eyes when all you did was grip the napkin in front of you.

You couldn't even look at poor kid; couldn't even make out a sound. You're too busy stifling the tingling within your walls, prompting you to cross your legs beneath the table and squeeze your thighs together.

And Kuroo's just...scanning the menu. Sitting idly before you. He's resting his chin against his open palm, long fingers brushing under his nose, while you're practically grinding down the chair.

You feel yourself leak into the crotch of your underwear, sticky liquid squelching against the crack of your ass as the toy continued to vibrate, burning you up and melting your insides, the buzzing a white noise only you could hear.

His indifference was unflappable. Kuroo even managed to call out, "Excuse me. Sorry about that earlier. We're ready now," so smoothly despite your desperate attempts to catch his attention. Then, he recited a bunch of dishes that you didn’t have the appetite for. Like you’re not outright writhing and earning a few disconcerted looks from the table next to you.

All you wanted was for him to put an end to this. You've learned your lesson. You're not gonna disappoint him again.

Instead, you watched in agonizing fear as he reached for his pocket. And immediately, without a warning, you felt the toy shake violently inside you.

"Ah!" you cried, sharply folding your arms and legs, making the plates and utensils clink against each other as your wrists chafed against your hard nipples.

Your boyfriend halted, leaned closer, and looked at you in a convincing display of concern.

"Are you alright, babe?" he muttered, caressing your knee, his nails pressing down just a tad. Not too hard. Just enough for you to hiss in a heady mixture of pleasure and pain.

You managed a small, quivering "uh-huh" as you begged him with your eyes. Conveying as much message as you could.

"Daddy, I'll be good for you. I swear. I won't lie anymore. I won't make you angry. I won't do anything that you wouldn't be happy about. Everything I do from this moment on will be just for you, daddy. I promise, daddy-"

But Kuroo only huffed out, a small, faint grin tracing his lips as he turned back to the waiter and said, "One cream pie, please."

Yandere! Kageyama Tobio

Content warning(s): rape/noncon

😇SFW😇

Fourth wall break, if you will: thank you, anon, for putting these characters together because I Believe that they’re each other’s foils in terms of yandere-isms. And this is gonna be an interesting contrast to see (at least, I hope it would be).

So Kuroo’s all subdued mind games, right? Like, you have to do a whole routine of mental gymnastics if you want to dig deep and analyze how he had your head spinning. 

But Kageyama? 

Kageyama says fuck that.

Kageyama, genius though he is, is about as subtle as a metal bat to the head when it comes to his darling.

He has no qualms about tying you to his bed once the opportunity presents itself to him.

But it didn’t start out like that.

At first, perhaps Kageyama was just an aloof classmate whose entire life revolved around volleyball.

The one who couldn’t even take a time out of his day to hang out with the rest of the class on a weekend.

Though Kageyama has a knack for attracting hostility from other people, there comes a time (rare it may be) that it is offset by people who are sympathetic to his idiosyncrasies.

His darling falls under the latter.

That's what draws Kageyama to you.

Hearing stuff like "D'you know what they used to call him before? King!" and "King because he's an arrogant dickhead who thinks he's better than everyone" are not new to him.

But hearing these are: "Stop that. It's rude to talk behind a person's back."

"Kageyama's passionate about volleyball. More than anyone we've ever met. Ok so it's alienating for us! Whatever! But isn't it admirable that he's doing his best at a thing that he loves?"

Kageyama did not get it.

You're not his teammate.

You're not his..anything.

You had no cause to try and be nice to him and defend him and..understand him, really.

So the rest was history.

The beginning might have been awkward.

Every time he tried to talk to you, Kageyama, for some reason, always blurted out the wrong things.

But you didn't mind. You just liked being his friend.

And Kageyama liked having you by his side.

Kageyama liked it, especially, when you're in the sidelines and cheering him on. (This caused quite a ruckus in Karasuno.)

It should have been weird. Kageyama had not known anything else besides volleyball.

Your presence should’ve been that of a stranger encroaching on someone else’s property.

Somehow, though, you fitted in so perfectly.

Like you’re made to be there.

So he tells you: “You’re free, aren’t you? You should be watching me play by now” and “You should be waiting for me after class” and “Stop making excuses. You’re not tired. You can still drop by practice” 

You’ve tried to reason with him. (Even contemplated about ending your friendship.)

But it’s not like you’re ever gonna shake him off.

Besides, you know that he wouldn’t accept anything less than perfect.

😈NSFW😈

His darling was his first sexual experience. 

And like any beginner, Kageyama was pretty...uh..bad at it ngl.

Add that to the fact that he’s on the bigger side and your first with him wasn’t consensual.

At that time, all Kageyama knew was that he really, really wanted to touch you and kiss you and fuck you senseless until you acknowledge that there’s no running from him. 

Trust, though, that Kageyama will not settle for being bad or, heaven forbid, mediocre at it.

Nope.

Not. a. chance.

Doesn’t matter that you’ve spent the entire day fucking.

Kageyama will not rest- not let you rest, until he drags out a moan from you; until you’ve ruined the sheets with how much he’s made you cum; until he has you begging for more. 

Will experiment a lot.

Will test out how fast and hard he has to fuck you to get what kind of reaction he wants from you.

Very attentive even to your quietest gasp.

If you so much as show a sign that you’re finding whatever it is he’s doing to your body pleasurable- curl your toe or arch your back- Kageyama will amp it up to the point where you’re screaming.

He’ll have this haughty, shit-eating grin while doing it too.

“Yes, you can,” Kageyama growled. “Spread those legs and show me how you do it.”

You shook your head, your body protesting at the slight movement. You’re already on the verge of blacking out. And you don’t have to check the ticking wall clock to know that, by now, Kageyama, too, should be knocked out and dozing off beside you.

But he only grabbed your wrists, making you howl in pain as soon as he touched the cuts and bruises across the skin. Remnants of the nylon rope that bound them together not too long ago.

“Touch yourself,” he repeated.

Kageyama’s voice is a rasping noise to your ears, his hot breath causing goosebumps all over you as he pressed his lips against the shell.

“No-no more, Kag-Kageyama,” you forced yourself to say, though your throat was dry and aching from all your screeching. 

He clicked his tongue. 

You flinched.

And you didn’t think it possible for Kageyama to be more frightening than he already is. Until you’d done as he’d told and, like a wolf patiently waiting to pounce, Kageyama zeroed in on how you moved your hands, his own reaching for his cock.

He didn’t take his eyes off of you, groaning as you trembled and mewled under your featherlight touch. Kageyama stroked himself, grinding into his fist until pre-cum dripped from the head.

“That how you like it, huh,” he croaked.

Before you could even reach an orgasm, Kageyama had already pushed you on your back, mimicking the way you pleasured yourself. Only this time it was rougher, more unforgiving, and indifferent to your cries of “Stop! Stop it, I can’t- Enough, Kageyama!”

[lunaathorne]

most to least nooreva potential. no I don't want to hear alternate takes on this.

nooreva og: the actual original blueprint of distinguished lesbian and cinnamon roll bisexual. i have never seen a love story more tender. got 100+ screenshots with fake subs saved in a folder called [nooreva movie 2016] also totally not related my absolute projection on noora cemented my realisation that i'm not straight and helped me feel more comfortable with important things like giving all my love to my friends and hating men... anyway nooreva married, sun and moon pastel girlfriends excellence i hope they're happy :)

liv/isa: s2 did many things wrong but liv and isa come CLOSEST to nooreva, soulmates with sexual tension vibes, that first meeting with isa going 😳😳 seeing liv sing was pretty gay imho and also they are like the only nooreva aside og where both parties seem well balanced on the gay aspect.

eleonora/eva: skam italia is hot garbage but let me tell you something real quick eleonora and eva are doing something for me, I'm not sure what benedetta's cue was in ep 1 but when she stroked ludovica's face and stared after her longingly im be honest things were felt,, they were also one of the most touchy feely noorevas of s1 and I actually love that Ele seemed close to eva in S3 too. also in S2 ep 1 when ele was talking about her female roommate in London and eva said "now you're making me jealous" with that little shaky break in her voice and no one ever acknowledged that comment...it still haunts me in my dreams..LASTLY they remind me of myself and this girl I liked anywho

mianna: you guys are onto something I'll give you that, personally I do not ship it, but there is Loads of Evidence....the intimacy in their clips together is QUITE something....I just feel my Geiger counter shows zero when I try to assess Hanna but I'm probably wrong and it's probably because s1 druck bored me I'm very sorry but mianna is v valid I'm just too dumb to analyse it.

manon/emma: I've never seen skamfr and I'm too afraid to ask but manon (not S4) is a cute disaster lesbian I think, I've seen those nooreva parallel sets and I think she's endearing idk about emma but yeah u know

nora/eva: they are both babie bisexuals and I love them and I know for many they are the straightest nooreva but their friendship is a love story that is so tender I can't rank it lower on the list also when Nora stroked Eva's hand in the washroom when she was crying and called her beautiful,, I think love is strange and wonderful.

zoe/jana: wtfock is scary but s1 zoe/jana are ridiculously cute and the serenading scene is so cuddly and warm; they just seem very at ease with other.... I won't say they are absolutely straight

grace/meg: that's a straight nooreva if I ever saw one HSJNS LISTEN I love their friendship in S2 but on a scale of 1-10 their gaydar is at -5 methinks.

[ad1thi]

for the otp asks! Alex and Henry!!!

1. Coffee shop AU: Who is the barista, and who frequents the coffee shop?

oh, oh, oh, 10000% Alex is the barista who’s working there part-time to keep up expenses during college and Henry is the customer who has a massive crush on Alex but doesn’t know how to ask him out because he’s worried asking him when he’s working might be insensitive  (since it’s like, his place of work, and he doesn’t want Alex to be obligated to say yes just because he doesn’t want to lose a customer)

Alex just thinks that Henry is weirdly attached to the coffee (and honestly, it’s a bit pretentious of him I mean he comes in like 4 times a day, why doesn’t the guy just invest in a coffee machine if he likes coffee that much?)

2. Highschool/College AU: Who is the straight-A student, and who’s the back-row slacker?

i know like canonically Alex is a very hard worker but i just rly like the idea of Henry being a transfer student (because his father wants him to see other countries when he still has the chance, and he gets a layer of anonymity in the US that he doesn’t get in England),,,a babie gay who’s trying to figure out his way in the world and doesn’t understand how Alex Diaz is so laid back,,,because he keeps himself up at night trying to maintain his 4.0 GPA and Alex doesn’t even care??

(why does Henry care so much about a classmate he barely talks to? that’s a story for later)

anyway Henry spends a lot of his time trying to figure out what Alex’s deal is,,,and his A.P Chem suffers for it - so his teacher (who’s just looking out for him) assigns Henry a tutor. He shows up at the library as promised, and sitting at the desk three steps from the back shelf,,, where’s he’s supposed to meet his tutor, is Alexander Diaz.

No royal training prepared Henry for this

3. Rivals to loves AU: Who takes their rivalry seriously, and who is half in it just to push the other’s buttons?

i think canonically Alex is the one who takes the rivalry seriously while Henry is just trying to be friends with him 🥺

4. Enemies to lovers AU: Which one switches sides?

hmm methinks that i like the idea of Henry switching sides for Alex 👀

5. Soulmate AU: Who is eager to meet their soulmate? Who absolutely does not want to meet their soulmate?

Princes of England don’t get soulmates. Princes of England get introduced to the beauty of makeup at the tender age of six and grow up to marry equally grab princesses who have bags under their eyes before the age of 25.

Too bad Henry’s soulmate didn’t get the memo.

6. Single parent AU: Which one is the single parent? (Alt. if they’re both single parents: Which one is open to starting a new relationship from the start? Which one is never planning on finding love again… Until they meet the other and are instantly smitten?)

ooh i like the idea of Henry as a single father? Maybe an ill advised one night stand when he was still figuring out his sexuality?? and he refuses to give up his child, not when he knows what the loss of a father can do to one - and as punishment, his grandmother banishes him to the US because if he insists on raising the bastard (her words, not his), then it certainly won’t be in Buckingham Palace.

7. Doctor AU: Which one is the long-suffering doctor? Which one is the patient?

OH OH HENRY AS THE DOCTOR I MEAN WHO ELSE COULD THE DOCTOR BE and Alex is just,,,,clumsy okay it’s not his fault

8. Bodyguard AU: Who is the bodyguard? Who are they protecting? Which one is secretly pining for the other?

okay so this could go either way tbh but what im thinking is: British Royal Men are expected to sign up for the Military. I’m not sure if it’s necessary, but it’s definitely like the done thing. So obviously, Henry signs up, but he finds he likes it. Like really likes it. Like he’s found his calling type likes it. So he renounces his title, and does another before he injures himself and has to be honourably discharged.

His grandmother might not like it, but his mother and sister always made it clear that his title was waiting for him, should he want it. But he doesn’t want it. He’s itching to serve and protect, even if he can’t serve in the military anymore. Pez, who was an eternal godsend during his years in the military, mentions that he’s setting up a private security firm with some of the other men that they served with and does Henry want to join?

Henry jumps at the opportunity, even though it takes him to the United States, and away from everything familiar. He’s used to being away from his family. Business is good, if not a little slow - but Pez assures him that’s just because they’re recently established. Then, there’s an attack on the President’s life and Pez and Henry find themselves with the contract of a century: tasked with protecting the First Family.

(Henry would be happier if Alex Diaz, member of said First Family, hadn’t been the reason for his sexuality crisis)

9. Pirate AU: Who is the pirate? Who is the member of the royal family who did not sign up for this?

hmm methinks Alex would make a good pirate (as First Mate, Nora is obviously Captain) and Henry is the butthurt prince

10. Childhood best friends AU: Which one was super obviously in love with the other the whole time? Who was oblivious until they were older?

shshshsh LITERALLY HENRY DO BE THE ONE PINING WHILE ALEX IS LIKE “hmm we’re just good FRIENDS yes FRIENDS who sometimes exchange blowjobs he’s such a good FRIEND” sjsjsjsj

send me a ship for OTP asks

[drink-n-watch]

It’s the mid season turn and we got a brand new OP and ED for Dr. Stone! Am I the only dork that gets excited about that sort of stuff? I liked the old OP better, partly because I’m really fond of Good Morning World as a song but the second ED is just so gawsh darn adorable.

In fact quite a few adorable moments this week. This is a good thing. My week was badly in need of some adorableness!

What I thought Would Happen

I must have gotten the match ups wrong last week. I thought that Kinro would somehow loose last minute but Chrome would win his match and Kohaku would come back in time and obviously win over Senku. Then Ginro would win as well and we would move on to semi-finals.

I figured Kohaku would win against Magma and sort of get revenge for his evil plans on her sister. However, I figured Chrome would win over Ginro and then Kohaku would let Chrome have the ultimate victory which would be super cute as love would have triumphed but Kohaku would also have played an important role in keeping her sister safe.

I don’t know, I just really wanted love to win in the end and I thought that was the most direct way to get to it. Of course this was all based on very flawed match up table so forget it…

What Did Happen

Kinro’s righteousness got the better of him and cost him the match but everyone knows who won in spirit. This said Magama won the match which I was expecting. Then Chrome won his own match but not through his own merit, too bad and they basically threw the match so that Kohaku wouldn’t make it back in time. Being mere seconds late, Kohaku still got disqualified making Senku the winner by default.Ginro did his usual comedic relief thing but managed to win his own match as well, even if just barely.

This meant that the semi finals started off between Magma and Chrome. The second half of the episode was pretty much entirely dedicated to this fight. Unexpectedly (at least to me) Asagiri also chose the middle of this battle to make his come back! cool.

What About the Characters

Last week I started this sections off with: “Have I mentioned how much I like Kohaku?” and I was legit about to do the exact same thing. Word for word. We only saw a bit of Kohaku but she showed that her kindness extends beyond her sister. In fact, she was o.k. with loosing the Grand Bout to save a friend. After all, as long as Ruri is alive, Kohaku would keep on fighting for her but if Suika drowned then there would be nothing left for it. I agree with this thinking but I didn’t expect it from Kohaku. She’s not exactly the single minded character we’ve been led to believe she is. She’s more nuanced and sentimental. Awesome!

Like I said, Ginro revert back to the manic comic relief character but I thought it worked better this week. Not because the character was better balanced or anything but because that type of over the top slapstick was better suited to this particular episode than any we’ve seen before. This said, there is much potential for this character to become very annoying very fast.

This being a almost entirely action driven episode, there really wasn’t that much time for character development and that’s fine. we’re at episode 14, we know all these guys pretty well. We don’t need to have a big revelation every week!

What I Liked

I hinted about this a lot but the moment between Kohaku and Suika was just lovely. I got teary eyed. It was just such a sweet display of tenderness between all this fighting that brought a sweet tonal contrast and balanced the episode out.

And you know what, it’s sappy and improbable but I also was pretty psyched that love triumphed. I root for Chrome and his love life. And his victories made me genuinely happy. I still liked my weird and impossible set up better but it was not possible. So this is the next best thing. Heck I even enjoyed the tear lens.

Math montage! I do not know why but montages of really mundane stuff where characters don’t actually do much like thinking, reading. or doing math are one of my fetishes. It’s the weirdest thing in the world. Anyways, there was a math montage. I cheered. I may have also taken a drink. This review is fun, weeeee.

I’m super excited to see Gen again. I honestly didn’t expect him to return so soon but I’m certainly not complaining. I think his presence in and of itself is a good source of conflict for our little group and the potential he brings with him is very promising.

Finally, and this may just be because I’m paranoid, but there was something unsettling about how the episode ended. Like it was too good to be true. If their victory is pretty much assured, then why not just take a few extra seconds to make it official. All they need are basically 3 stills. I think the fact that they didn’t means something. Moreover, Senku is still in the running and he’s the only one we didn’t see fight. methinks something is afoot and that’s interesting.

What I Liked Less

The Chrome Magma Fight may have gone on a touch too long?

Oh I know! Senku was basically just a narrator this week. As in he literally stood around an gave explanatory exposition. Don’t get me wrong, it didn’t in fact bother me much but it’s a touch lazy.

We also didn’t see Ginro at all after his own fight was over. I find his character has not been treated well by the show. He seems mostly utilitarian. It’s unfortunate since the little they did establish is quite different from every other character and if the show paid a bit more attention to him, he would bring something unique to the cast.

Closing Thoughts

So for you guys that have read the manga, does it stay at this level? Cause if so, I have no complaints. There were a few shots in the new OP that looked pretty intriguing too. And did we see Senku’s dad in the ED. I mean we’ve never seen him in the flashbacks and the mom was always with her back to the camera but the dad we saw. And we know he sparked Senku’s interest in science so he must be pretty important to him.

I wonder why Senku hasn’t set out to find him yet. Maybe they had a falling out? This isn’t closing thoughts at all, it’s just rambling. Again I had fun and again I want to see next week!

Mood: Believing in a thing called love

  Dr. Stone Episode 14 – Math Montage It's the mid season turn and we got a brand new OP and ED for Dr. Stone!

[maevefiction]

Your Light in the Mist - Chapter 38

Caught up in all things wedding related, both for my own and Simon’s, as well as enjoying a bit of free time with mister Super Sexy wandering around naked constantly in every hotel room, I’d completely forgotten about my six alarm blaze. And Trudy. There wasn’t much I could do about it while we were in the air because of the time difference, and when confronted with the choice of pulling out my laptop and trying to find out how I was going to manage to procure and set up the servers we needed on my own or snuggling with Tom and taking a nap, the snuggling won out easily.

I woke up when we were circling Heathrow, groaning as I realized that I was royally fucked as far as a normal human-like sleep schedule was concerned. We grabbed our luggage and took a cab back to our flat, and Tom had barely gotten the key in the door when Simon came bounding out onto the landing and nearly tackled me to the floor with a ridiculously powerful bear hug.

“MAUDE, MAUDE, MAUDE! You’re home, you’re home!”

A small squeak emanated from my mouth when I opened it, and I struggled to speak. “DUDE. I love you, but you are crushing the fucking life out of me.”

He loosened his grip, kissed me on both cheeks, then waved at Tom, who knew it was in his best interest to get into our flat as quickly as possible lest he be caught up in the insanity.

“No, no, you must LIVE, woman. LIVE! I need you! NEED. YOU.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes. I am aware. You need me. What time is it, like, six?”

He nodded. “Something like that. So, did you sleep on the plane? Can we chat? Hmm?”

“I did, in fact, sleep on the plane. But, I really, really need to talk to Trudy ASAP…so can we chat tomorrow instead?”

An eyeroll, followed by a heavy sigh. “Really? Trudy? What could be so…”

“SecureServe dropped the fucking ball, man.”

He gasped. “What do you mean they dropped the ball?”

It was my turn to sigh. “They can’t get the servers done by the first.”

I was released completely as his hands lifted up and came to rest upon his cheeks like the kid in Home Alone. “GET THE FUCK OUT! Did you kill the guy?”

“Not yet. I fired him, though.”

Simon’s head pulled back like a turtle’s. “Excuse me, WHAT?”

“I fired him.”

He wagged his finger at me. “Trudy does not know this.”

I bit my lower lip and nodded. “Nope.”

“Oh, honey…you’d best get your ass down those stairs and tell the girl.” He frowned. “So what are you going to, you know, DO? Delay the launch?”

“Fuck no. We’re going to set up the servers ourselves. Speaking of which…I need your office.”

One hand flew to his hip. “And where am I supposed to work?”

I snorted. “Well, first of all…you working? Reading Tumblr and gossip blogs with a two hour lunch break in between doesn’t really count as work. But, in spite of that, I am willing to turn over my own office to you. I can do my thing anywhere.”

“HA! That’s exactly what Tom tells us!”

“Yeah, well…truth. So. Trudy’s still here, then?”

He nodded. “She’s here until at least ten every night. Sometimes much later if she’s ‘in the zone’ as she calls it. Says her flatmate is distracting when she’s trying to work at home.”

“All righty then. You go back in your cage now, Bridezilla. I’ll see you tomorrow. We can chat over that two hour lunch break.”

“Actually, I’m taking the entire day off and so are YOU, so THERE. Note that I am not disputing the Bridezilla label.”

“Noted. Now you note that I am officially terrified to be your maid of honor.”

“Duly noted and recorded.” He kissed the top of my head. “See you tomorrow, love. Good to have you home.”

“Good to be here. Go have wine. Have some wine for me. Have a LOT of wine for me…”

He laughed. “I think something harder is in order…”

“I’m sure you do.”

The laugh turned into a cackle as he headed back to his flat, closing the door he’d left open in his rush to greet me behind him.

I poked my head into my own flat, calling out to Tom.

“Babe? Where you at?”

He came bounding down the steps.

“Hey. What would you like for dinner?”

My face scrunched up. “Well, actually…”

“I know. You need to go speak with Trudy. But you still require sustenance…may I bring you both something?”

I kissed him quickly. “You may, good sir. Thanks. You’re fucking awesome.”

He grinned. “But am I awesome at fucking?”

“Methinks you know the answer to THAT already.”

“I do, I do. What would you like me to order?”

“Surprise me? Wait. Chinese? Pizza? Shit. Surprise me. Yeah.”

“Will do, my love.”

We embraced, and I turned, walked out the door and down to the office to deliver the news.

****************************************

I found Trudy in the upstairs conference room, the table nearly covered with papers, her hair up in a tightly wound bun as she chewed on her pen while staring at her laptop screen. She looked up at the sound of my footsteps, grinning, then put the pen down before speaking.

“You fired Mark.”

My head tilted to the side. “Um, well…yes. Yes I did. And you knew that how?”

“I lost access to the server about twenty minutes after I called you.”

“Well, shit…I hadn’t considered that aspect. Sorry. I absolutely should have let you know…”

Eyes back on the screen, she waved a hand in my general direction, the other resting on her mouse as she scrolled quickly. “No worries. Don’t give it another thought. I’m delighted that you fired him…he was a humongous tit. So, we’re doing this on our own, yeah?”

“That was the plan.”

“Good to know that picking out everything I think we need wasn’t a waste of time, then. I based it all on their server specs, then…found better stuff.”

I walked around to look at her screen. “Okay, rack servers instead of towers…that will save a ton of space. Dual Intel Xeon E7 processors, Windows Server OS, 128GB RAM, 2.4TB SAS hard drive…holy shit does that say sixteen GRAND? I think I need to sit down.” I flopped in the chair next to her.

“Maude, we can probably still find someone who can get it done in time.…”

I shook my head. “You and I both know that we’ll never be happy with someone else’s work. And we both also KNOW we’ll get everything done in time. So we need, what? Eight to start?”

“Eight to start would give us enough room to host about four thousand accounts, based on our calculations. Not future proof by any means, but it should do.” She began chewing on her pen again.

I nodded. “And we’ll also need all the cables, UPS backups, rack cabinets…and we’ll have to install security devices on Simon’s office, a door keypad or keycard, as well as tamper alarms on the servers themselves in order to meet industry standards. Not too worried about that, nor outside intrusion from hackers, because if they can get in after I’ve locked it all down I’ll be calling them to see if they want a fucking job.”

The pen dropped to the table. “Simon’s office?”

“Yeah. We’re swapping. That’s really the best spot for them, climate-wise and everything. And there’s room for both of us. I don’t actually NEED an office, I can set up shop anywhere when I need to meet someone face-to-face. Oh, and the network will have to be completely, totally separate from the Prosper one, and I’ll want our own T1 lines as soon as we can get them…”

Trudy chuckled. “So I should place the order, then?”

I leaned forward to rest my elbows on the table and cover my eyes with my hands. “Actually, I’m going to have to use Tom’s Amex for this one because my cards actually have limits. Let me text him…oh, he’s bringing us food. Forgot to mention that.”

“Good. I could eat, you know? What’s on the menu?”

I sat up and pulled out my phone. “No clue. Told him to surprise me.”

“I’m willing to wager he brings pizza.”

“Sadly, Trudy, I’m afraid I am not in a financial position to wager due to our imminent expenditure.”

She reached out and poked my shoulder. “You know quite well you’ll make that back in a very short time.”

“HA! Do I? I do not. But I hope so, because we’re on the hook for almost twice the server cost for the wedding. I think I need a cocktail.”

“And Mark will be sending you back the fifty thousand, so that will help, won’t it?”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m not counting on that happening. Like, at all. EVER. No idea how it works over here, really, but in the US it can take forever to even get a lien against someone who doesn’t pay what they owe. But I’m still going to sue the fucker…”

Trudy laughed. “I wouldn’t have even considered thinking otherwise, Maude.”

I typed quickly, then slowed down because I kept screwing up so badly and backspacing took up even MORE time than going at my normal rate.

Hey babe…could you maybe saunter that gorgeous ass down here? I miss you. – M

And also…I kinda sorta maybe totally need to use your Amex card again. – M

Sorry. L I’ll do an EFT to your account from mine tonight. – M

Not even ten seconds later my phone dinged.

I’ll be right down. The pizza should be here soon anyway. And please don’t be sorry. – T

And also…do you happen to have any cash on you? :P – T

I snorted quietly.

Yes. Small amounts of legal tender…that I DO have. :P – M

I turned to Trudy as I got up in order to go meet him at the front of the office. “Glad I didn’t bet. It’s pizza.”

Her right arm shot up in the air, hand in a tightly balled fist. “YES! Pizza!” She rose from her seat. “I’ll go down and get some plates and drinks.”

“Cool. Thank you.”

I walked out of the conference room, reaching the main door just as Tom appeared. He peeked behind me, saw we were alone, then grabbed me by my ass cheeks, pressed me into his crotch and rammed his tongue into my mouth. An indeterminable amount of time passed as we dry humped furiously, the building door buzzer startling us out of our thoroughly inappropriate behavior. Both of us were panting, Tom’s words uneven, his voice deepened into fuck mode.

“I don’t suppose you’d be willing to go pay the delivery person, would you?”

My gaze travelled to his groin, the outline of his cock clearly visible as it strained against his jeans.

I ran my finger along his fly. “Well, clearly you aren’t up for THAT at the moment, so sure, I’ll handle it. The pizza, I mean.” Licking my lips suggestively, I squeezed gently. “THIS I’ll handle LATER.”

His jaw shifted to one side. “Maaauuuuudddeeee…”

Shrugging, I began to saunter away from him. “Don’t you Maude me, mister. YOU started this.”

He groaned, and I shifted my jeans around once I was out of his line of sight, sighing with relief when the seam was no longer digging into my crotch. The pizza delivery person was a red-headed freckled fellow, to whom I handed the equivalent of sixty dollars or so, grabbed the two pies and closed the door with a hasty but pleasant ‘have a great night!’.

Tom was nowhere to be seen when I walked back in, so I traversed to the conference room with the delectable scent of pizza infiltrating my nostrils, and for one brief shining moment I considered locking myself in my office with both and seeing how much I could put away before anyone noticed. Then I remembered it was no longer my office, technically, and THEN I remembered that I had a server order to place and if I deprived Trudy of pizza she might turn against me and that would NOT help my cause at all.

He was seated at the table, while Trudy stood, attempting to organize the scattered paperwork into piles to make room for dinner. When Tom didn’t stand to help me, I knew he’d bolted in there and sat down before Trudy had come back upstairs, and that he was still raring to go. I tittered to myself, but apparently not quietly enough.

Trudy looked up from her most recently formed stack. “Something funny, Maude?”

I placed the pizzas on the table. “Everything’s funny when you’ve spent your day on a Transatlantic flight and are starving and about to spend an insane amount of money on things that will take up a shitload of time you don’t really have in spite of the fact that you already paid someone else to do it for you.” I opened one box, saw that it was plain cheese, ripped it from its companions and took a huge bite. My words were garbled as I spoke and chewed at the same time. “MMMMM, that’s better.”

I grabbed a Coke, a plate and some napkins before flopping into the chair next to Tom. He reached past me to retrieve his own slice, opting for the garbage pie, downing it in five bites, then got his own plate and soda, belching loudly after his first giant draught.

“Goodness, excuse me.”

“Dude, there’s no excuse FOR you.”

He stuck his tongue out at me and snagged another slice for himself and one for me as well. Trudy munched contentedly on her own garbage slice, and we continued in relative silence until both pies were consumed. After we cleaned and washed up, I walked Tom to the reception area. He handed me his Amex…the Centurion Card, also known as the Amex Black Card. Made from anodized titanium, which gave it its coloring, the card number, expiration date and account holder name were laser etched into the metal.

I sighed as I took it from him. “Thanks, babe. Again, sorry.”

He said nothing, and I tilted my head as Tom not replying to an apology was, to date, unheard of. I waited for ten seconds, then righted my head and cocked an eyebrow. He looked down at my hand, the one holding the card, then back up at me, his own brows raised. I shook my head.

“Thomas. I have no clue what you’re getting at here, and your silence is quite disturbing. So why…”

He pulled his wallet from his pocket again, opened it, and removed another AMEX card, holding it towards me so I could clearly see his name displayed on the front.

“Why do you have two cards? Have you always had two cards? Do you have two accounts or…”

He chortled. “Maude. Look at the one you’re holding.”

I gazed downward, and instead of seeing ‘Tom Hiddleston’, I saw ‘Maude Gallagher’. My eyes shot up to meet his, my voice rather toneless when I spoke. “This card has my name on it.”

Nodding as he put his wallet away, he smiled at me sheepishly. “I added you as an authorized cardholder. Hope that’s all right…I know we never really discussed it, but I figured you having your own would be helpful, especially if I’m off filming and you need something for the wedding or anything else that exceeds the limit on your other cards. That made me sound like a bit of a pompous asshole, didn’t it? Sorry.”

I shook my head. “No it doesn’t. My cards have limits. Fact. I just said that to Trudy before we ate, actually. Also fact, you are just so thoughtful and helpful and thank you for this, so much. I’ll keep track of what I spend and reimburse you each month, okay?”

His hand reached out and came to rest on my shoulder. “Actually, I think that’s something else we should talk about.”

“If you mean talking about me not paying you back then I’m going to have to pass, m’kay?” It was something I’d been avoiding, the ‘money talk’. So far I’d insisted on paying my own way, and I didn’t feel comfortable with that changing. He’d been accepting for the most part, but on the plane ride home when I mentioned paying for half of the wedding expenses he’d only managed to utter a terse ‘absolutely not’ and as I balked his jaw tensed, so I let it go.

“Maude. We’re getting married. Husbands and wives typically merge at least some of their finances, do they not? And even if…anyway, how other people handle it doesn’t matter to me. It’s what I’d like to happen, but you may feel differently. Which is precisely why we should have a conversation about it, during which I will persuade you to accept my proposition.”

I said nothing, and he stared at me pointedly until I gave in, sighing, and a smile turned the corners of his mouth upward as I spoke.

“Fine. But we need to have it like, now or I’m going to stick my head back in the sand and pretend this never happened.” He laughed, leaning in to kiss my forehead. “So. I’m going to go spend a shit load of money, then I’ll meet you upstairs and you can have your way with me. Verbally. Something. Okay. Yes.”

He embraced me briefly, then whispered in my ear as he released me. “And after? Physically?”

I rolled my eyes. “Shush. Go. Away with you.”

His normal strut was greatly exaggerated as he walked out the door, and I groaned, shaking my head as I went back to the conference room. Twenty minutes and one phone call later, the servers and all the other components we needed were ordered and set to arrive on Wednesday, early AM. Which happened to be the day before Christmas Eve, and I kept my freak out over losing two days that I should be spending getting everything ready to a holiday under control until I headed upstairs, repeating ‘it’s fine, it’s fine, it’s all fine’ to myself but not believing a single syllable.

Tom had left the door open, and when I stepped inside he was sitting at the dining table, his laptop open and a stack of folders behind it.

“Hey, you. Everything ordered?”

“Yep. Delivery Wednesday morning, and hopefully we’ll get them unpacked, in place and perhaps up and running then because I won’t have any time to work on them until we get back from your mom’s on Saturday. Hopefully I can attend to all Simon’s needs tomorrow and then…” Luke’s voice from behind me made me nearly jump out of my skin. I spun around to see him standing right behind me in the still-open doorway, a half-smile raising the right corner of his mouth.

“Oh, good. You’re here. I just wanted to tell you that there is no way I’m allowing you to give up your office. I’m going to rearrange mine so Simon can share it with me, and you can use his space for whatever you need, plus it can serve as Trudy’s office as well.”

I crossed my arms. “But what about clients? And how are you going to get any work done with him jabbering away?”

Simon yelled from down the hall. “I HEARD THAT.”

I yelled back without moving from my spot. “GOOD. IT’S THE TRUTH. AND I GUESS YOU DON’T ACTUALLY NEED AN OFFICE ANYWAY BECAUSE YOU DON’T DO ANY REAL, ACTUAL WORK.”

“AGAIN WITH THAT SHIT? FUCK YOU, WOMAN.”

Luke grinned. “So it’s settled, then.”

“Looks that way. Thanks, Luke. You’re the best.”

“I know. And please, do remember that tomorrow when you’re out with my better half…just when you think it’s time to bring him back, add on an hour or two, if you don’t mind.”

Simon’s voice again. “YOU SUCK ARSE, THE WHOLE LOT OF YOU!”

Luke winked at me, then off he went, and I closed the door behind him, walked over to where Tom was sitting, wrapped my arms around him from behind and placed a kiss on the nape of his neck. The resulting shiver made me chuckle, and I bit his earlobe prior to speaking.

“So, where would you like me, Mr. Hiddleston?”

He groaned. “I appreciate your diversionary tactics immensely, but…have a seat right here, please.” He patted the chair to his left. I sat, and he turned to meet my gaze.

“I’m just going to jump right in here…so, after the food poisoning incident I began thinking to myself, what would happen if something were to…happen…to me?”

“THOMAS. DO NOT EVEN GO THERE.”

He rested his hand on my thigh. “I have to go there. Not just…death…but what if I was badly injured? Fell terribly ill? What if you didn’t have access to the funds you needed to deal with any of it? And also, as of now, my family could do as they pleased…and I trust them, of course, but…you’re the one who should be making those sorts of decisions on my behalf. Once we’re married, it’s easy, but that’s six months away and…what if, you know? And then, we set an actual timeline for getting pregnant…”

I snorted. “Oh, are you getting pregnant too? WOW! I can’t wait to see THAT.” He took my hand in his, expression deeply concerned, which sobered me and I kept silent, feeling like a snarky shithead as I nodded for him to continue.

“It hit me, the level of responsibility required, and that a month or two from now you could be carrying our child and I…I…I just want to set everything right so no matter what, that child is taken care of properly. So I requested an Amex for you…they’ll send another once we’re married and your name is officially changed…and got the ball rolling so I’d have all the documents in place we need in order to add you to all my financials, the flat, the car…all of it. If you aren’t comfortable doing the same, that’s fine, but all you have to do is sign these and…”

I let go of his hand and leaned back in my chair, processing the enormity of it all. Insisting on paying my own way because NOT doing so made me feel like some sort of freeloader seemed so trivial when I examined the angle he’d been viewing things from, and I was unsure how to phrase things without sounding incredibly idiotic.

“Tom…okay…I was avoiding this whole…thing…because in my head it was just money, and I have money, though it’s not the kind of money you have, and that’s where my issue was, because I don’t want you to ever think that I’m in this for that. Which I’m sure you already know, but…yeah. I’m sorry about that, and I should have just fucking said it, right? Right. And here you are, thinking not of yourself, but of me, and our future family and…wow. I’m really, really sorry. And I have no problem with you being joint in all my holdings, no problem at all…” He cut me off.

“Even with the app coming out? That has the potential to turn you into a higher earner than me quite quickly.”

I stared downward briefly, then back up to stare blankly at him, blinking like an owl as I did math in my head, smiling as I came up with a total. “You’re wrong. Even if we have ten thousand subscribers, I’m still under for the year what you make per film. By a decent amount. So there.”

He laughed. “The maths elude me, Maude. You know this.”

“No lies detected. The way it’s structured is that all the funds go into the Manageall business account and are dispersed from there, so as long as you’re on my checking account you’ll have access, and we’ll need to add you to the business itself…”

Shaking his head, he leaned forward to kiss me softly. “Not necessary.”

I shrugged. “I think it is. I’ll have Barty get to work on adding you to the New Orleans and New York houses as well…that’s pretty much it for me. Just checking, savings, the two houses. Nothing else. Glad I pulled everything out of the market. This is pretty simple, as far as this sort of shit goes.” I grimaced. “I guess we need…wills. Which we’ll have to modify if a kiddo enters the picture…”

He smiled. “When.”

My eyes rolled without hesitation, and I pinched his cheek. “Fine. WHEN. Now, give me a pen and let me sign all the things and then you can fuck my brains out. If that’s acceptable to you, that is. Is it?”

He stood so quickly the chair toppled over behind him, grabbed my wrist and pulled me from mine, then dragged me to the couch, pinning me under him as he ground against me. “No. It isn’t. You can sign those anytime, but right now my cock needs to be in your pussy. RIGHT. NOW.”

“But…TOM…that’s so…irresponsible of you…we need to get everything in done…”

“I AM getting everything done. I’ve just decided to start with YOU.”

He tickled me until I was a helpless blob, yanked my jeans off, unbuttoned and unzipped his own, then sank into me with a moan so ridiculously erotic that I came before he even began to move. Which turned out to be a good thing, as after fifteen quick but punishing  thrusts he came as well, grunting into my ear as I wrapped my legs around him in order to rub out my version of the second coming.

We rolled on our sides without separating, no easy task on the couch, his arms wrapped around me the only thing preventing me from falling backward and onto the floor. He smiled softly as I traced the lines of his face.

“You are…you’re…you are such a good man, you know? Always thinking of other people, their needs.”

He kissed the tip of my nose. “Not other people. Just you.”

“Liar. You’re the most considerate human being I’ve ever met. And I love that. Probably because I’m, you know, NOT.”

“Oh, stop. You’re incredibly considerate. Why, while we were on the plane back you only rolled your eyes at the mother of that screaming toddler instead of flipping her off…”

I let my mouth drop open in feigned surprise. “Geeze, you know, you may be on to something there…personally, I think you’ve just made me…SOFT.”

His cock twitched inside me, and he chuckled. “Sorry, but I can’t say the same for you, love. Sign and bed, perhaps?”

“Yada yada yada, screw. Sounds about right.”

We took care of that business, then the other business, and spooned as we dozed off, back in our own bed, in our own flat, and all of a sudden, I realized I was actually looking forward to Christmas, which hadn’t been the case in a very, very long time.

****************************************

Just after Tom and I finished breakfast on Tuesday, Bridezilla Ahlberg barged into our flat with his usual flourish, dressed in black skinny jeans, grey leather chukka boots, a grey tweed pea-coat with matching newsboy cap and a black and grey striped scarf wrapped around his neck. He took one look at me in my ratty, baggy men’s jeans and puffy black parka, pointing accusingly in my general direction.

“Tell me you just came back from a coffee run and that you’re changing, like, now.”

I looked down at myself, holding out one foot to show him the pair of Birkenstock boots I’d picked up before we left for Hawaii but didn’t have a chance to wear. “Um, no. But look, aren’t my new boots really, really beautiful? And cool? LOVE THEM, SIMON.”

His eyes rolled. “Okay, as far as Birkenstocks go they’re decent. But those jeans look like you haven’t washed them in a week and my GOD that JACKET. Wait…is that FAKE FUR ON THE HOOD? You expect me to tool around London with a woman with fake fur on her hood? No. No no no no no. Think of my reputation!”

He was right about the pants…almost. I’d worn them on the flight home and all day yesterday but the rest of my jeans were still packed away and I’d been entirely too lazy to dig them out. Under the parka I had on a black V-neck T-shirt, topped with one of Tom’s zip-up black cardigans, my hair bound up in a sloppy bun that would no doubt become a ponytail at some point in the day. No makeup, either. All of it the stuff of nightmares in Simonland. I snorted.

“Well, look at it this way…I’m so hideous that everyone will spend more time looking at YOU, and that’s the goal, am I right?”

Rubbing his hand with his chin, he considered my statement, then nodded. “That’ll do. Also, we’re already late so there’s simply not time for me to rectify the situation properly. Say your goodbyes to lover boy and let’s move it, please and thank you.”

Tom had snuck into his office without my noticing, and rose instantly from his chair when I entered the room, wiggling around the furniture to embrace me. “You’re off, then, I take it?”

I buried my face in his neck, breathing in his scent, which, let’s face it, was always a terrible idea. Pulling back, I sighed. “Yes. Off I go. Are you SURE you don’t want to…”

He laughed. “Positive. I’ll stay right here in my comfy sweats, thanks. I’ll miss you, though.”

“I’ll miss you too. Need anything while I’m out?”

“Something chocolatey?”

“Will do.” I pulled him down to me, kissing him, tongue running across his lips, then sliding inside his mouth halfway. He bit down gently, letting go as I groaned. “Well, for THAT you’re going to get random sexts all day long, Thomas.”

“Mmm, that sounds fun. And the sweats make for easy access…”

I shoved myself backwards, then turned to face the door as I walked through it, hand in the air and waving behind me. “Hasta la vista, baby.”

He replied using his best Arnold voice. “You’ll be back.”

“Uh huh. Yep. Sure thing.”

His laughter followed me as I grabbed my bag, dragged Simon out into the hall, then closed and locked the door behind me. We walked down the steps to the main entrance, and I was surprised to see a cab waiting.

“Don’t feel like driving today, Simon?”

He opened the cab door for me. “Fuck no. Christmas shopper traffic…we’re cabbing and walking. Though probably more cabbing because that wind is wicked.”

I put my hood up as he got in the other side, smirking. “You know, I hadn’t noticed. This parka is super-duper warm and stuff.”

Plopping down, he flipped me off. “Whatever. So, aren’t you wondering what we’re doing today?”

“Um…maybe? Mostly I’m just wondering how many tantrums you’re going to throw and if I’ll feel like I need a cocktail when all is said and done.”

“How rude. You’re supposed to alleviate some of my stress, not cause more of it.”

“Perhaps you chose unwisely when you asked me to be your maid of honor.”

He threw his arms around me and kissed my cheek. “No, I did not. And I’m going to try very hard to not be nasty, bitchy, petty or throw tantrums today because I love you and I missed you and I have something very important to tell you and something very important to ask you but…first, the tailor so we can do our final fittings and then to Sugared Saffron to check on the cake and then to the Searcys to make sure the menu is set and everything is in place and then I’m taking you to Bocca Di Lupo for lunch, even if you aren’t dressed for it, which is fine because I know the chef, and we’ll talk while we dine and I AM GETTING MARRIED IN NINE DAYS PLEASE HELP ME.”

Taking his jaw in my hand, I got close enough for us to touch noses. “It’s going to be fine, you’re going to be fine, and you know damn well that I’ll make sure that this wedding is going to be specfuckingtacular. Right? No one plans like me. No one organizes like me. No one gets shit done like me. And though I bust your balls endlessly about being a lazy piece of shit, you’re exactly the same way. Paired up? WE ARE UNSTOPPABLE. Now quit worrying and let’s get the work out of the way so we can go to lunch because you need to spill, son. SPILL.”

And so it went, first the tailor, who had to take my dress in another inch at the waist and discreetly averted his eyes as best he could when confronted with my nipples. Then Sugared Saffron, where we examined the sketches for the six-tiered beast Simon had decided upon and got to see the special order 3-D printed topper…replicas of Luke and Simon right down to their eye color, standing shoulder to shoulder and holding hands, Simon in a white suit and shirt, Luke in all black, both with silver cummerbunds and pocket squares. I couldn’t resist asking the manager for contact info for the company he’d gotten the topper from, and he generously accommodated my request, even fishing around in his desk drawer for a business card. In hindsight, I think he was just hoping to distract me and get us out the door before we made any additional changes to the plans he’d thought he was finished with.

The Gherkin blew my mind…Searcys was the top floor, and the views of the city were breathtakingly gorgeous in person. I tuned out and stared at the skyline while Simon talked food with the event manager, knowing his expertise and experience would guide him no matter how stressed he was. My phone dinged…a text from Tom.

Still waiting on those sexts. Or have you decided my biting your tongue doesn’t require retaliation? – T

Oh, it does. I was going to wait and swallow your cock whole when I got home as punishment, but if you’d prefer sexts instead, that’s fine with me. – M

It was at least a full minute before he replied.

Sorry. I dropped my phone and it flew under the desk and then I cracked my noggin on it as I tried to stand up. I believe I may require medical attention.  – T

Also, stop texting me RIGHT NOW and I’ll see you later on, all right? K thanks bye. :P – T

As you wish. Lunch is next, then I’ll be home. Love you. – M

Love you too. :D – T

Simon and the event manager were bickering over which vegetarian dish to offer as an alternate main course, and when the manger asked my opinion I shrugged and said I was a carnivore who had little love for veggies, Simon snorted and blurted out ‘meat and only meat for the lady, please…she’s overly fond of sausages, or so I’m told’, which resulted in my excusing myself post haste so I could lose my shit privately in the bathroom, flushing the toilet repeatedly to mask my raucous laughter. By the time I was finished and walked back into the dining area, the waitstaff had arrived and Simon was standing alone, gazing out one of the windows. He turned to me, a sad smile on his face.

“I wish my parents weren’t so awful. This is a huge thing for me in my life, marrying the person I love more than anything, and they’re…just…I read their Facebook posts sometimes, you know? And they’re horrified that their son is getting ‘gay married’ and all their friends are telling them how sorry they are and…anyway. I thought they were progressing a little, but…I was wrong. I should have known better.”

I pulled him into an embrace, his head resting on my shoulder briefly. He cleared his throat and pulled away, but I took his hand, unwilling to let him go.

“So, are they coming to the wedding?”

He sighed. “They have yet to RSVP.”

My mouth dropped open. “You invited them and they didn’t even RESPOND?” He nodded. “Wow. That is incredibly fucked up. I’m sorry, honey. Want me to hack their Facebook accounts and post an endless stream of rainbow flags and gay pride parade videos? Because I totally will. As long as you know their email addresses…and the passwords I might even be able to guess. Hedied number 4, capital U, maybe? Or how about thorncrown33?”

First a gasp, then a giggle, followed by a chortle and a slap to my bicep. “You are HORRID, Maude, and I love you. So much. Thorncrown33. Good lord. HA, see what I did there? My god. HA! AGAIN!” The waitstaff was staring…not openly, but a glance and a smirk here and there. Simon tugged on my hand. “Time to go, BFF. Allow me to provide you with foodstuffs as a reward for your loyalty to the king, and your service as court jester.”

We held hands in the elevator, and continued to do so out on the street as we waited for our cab. He leaned in to kiss my cheek at some point, and I kissed his in return. Words seemed unnecessary, and I wondered if that was what he’d wanted to tell me, which would leave only the thing he wanted to ask me, and I couldn’t even being to imagine what that might be. Out of the corner of my eye I spotted the long lens of a camera poking out from behind a bush.

“Um…Simon? You might want to prepare yourself to be slightly more internet famous than you already are.”

He looked around, and I pointed. He waved at the camera. “Hi! Yes, this is Tom Hiddleston’s fiancée. Maude Gallagher. Yes, I am holding her hand. Yes, I just kissed her.” He let go of me and walked over to the bush, peering around it. “Oh good, there you are. My name is Simon Ahlberg. Lovely to meet you, and sorry to disappoint, but I’m gay. And engaged. Actually, I’m getting married on New Year’s Eve, at the stroke of midnight, to the most wonderful man in the world, Luke Windsor. Proprietor of Prosper PR. Genius, love of my life. Will you print that, maybe? I’d appreciate it if you would. Also, Maude is my maid of honor. It’s going to be the best wedding ever. And I mean EVER! Print that too, okay? I’m a petty bitch and want everyone to be jealous.” He turned on his heel and literally skipped back to my side as I saw the pap emerge and wander off, shaking his head.

My own head was shaking back and forth, and I began to applaud. “Dude, that was fabulous. SO FABULOUS.”

“I know. I hope he runs with it…because seeing an article in the Daily Fail or something about me getting gay married would really piss my parents off.”

During the cab ride he called Luke, whose response to the pap encounter was initially ‘you did WHAT?’ but dissolved into ‘I love you even more than I thought possible right now’ and I just sat quietly, torn between ranking on them and reveling in the magnitude of the love they’d found in each other.

Bocca Di Lupo looked tiny from the outside, the front coral-colored bricks and industrial style windows. The interior was actually spacious and bright, the length of the building allowing for a decent amount of patrons. To the right was a bar that took up a quarter of the entire space, the bottom crafted from medium, rich honey colored wood, seamless and curved at either end, the oval top comprised of stone, round stools with rust-brown leather seats and chrome legs. The dining tables were toward the rear, and we were seated just on the other side of the bar, tucked in a corner with a wall on two sides. The table tops were the same material as the bar counter, and the chair cushions, back and seat alike, had the same covering as the bar stool seats. The lighting was amazing, a huge O-shaped chandelier with metal accents, placed right in the center of the dining area.

I took one look at the menu and raised a brow. “Lamb sweetbreads? Pigeon? Suckling pig? Really?”

Simon rolled his eyes. “I am attempting to expand your food horizons by encouraging you to sample some authentic Italian dishes.”

“Thanks, but…no thanks. The buffalo mozzarella seems safe…it’s just buffalo milk, right? And I’ll have the meatballs braised with wine and lemon, and a side of roast potatoes and wild garlic.”

“Never say I didn’t try. I’m going for the octopus, roast tomato, celery and basil salad, wild boar as my main, and a blood orange and red onion salad.”

The waiter took our order, and as we sipped our drinks Simon fidgeted in his seat for a few minutes, finally breaking the silence by clearing his throat.

“Okay, Miss Maude. I’m not sure whether I should ask or tell first.”

“You didn’t already tell?”

His head titled to the side. “Um…no. Why…oh, right, the parents. No. That just…happened. I’ve decided I want to do the asking now. So here I go. You know our wedding song is Feeling Good by Nina Simone, yes?”

“Yes. Duh. I’ve told you at least a hundred times that I love it and it’s one of my favorites and it’s perfect. And Phaedra has a friend who’s going to sing…”

“Yeah. About that…her friend’s gone off to Ireland to care for a family member who’s become ill, so she won’t be singing after all. Which leaves us without someone to sing our wedding song and…”

“Are you going to ask me to sing a Nina Simone song? THAT Nina Simone song? With the bit of scatting towards the end that I could never, ever replicate? At your wedding?”

He nodded emphatically. “Yes times four. Not like you haven’t sung it before, or am I wrong?”

“Of course I’ve sung it before. Just not in front of a room full of people at A WEDDING when it was the WEDDING SONG.”

Leaning across the table, he placed his hand over mine. “So will you do it?”

My chin fell to my chest as I sighed, then lifted my head to meet his gaze. “Sure. Why not. Not like I’ll be wearing a see-through dress and pasties while I’m doing it…OH WAIT…I WILL BE!”

I could practically see the relief wash over him. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You’ll be fantastic, I know it, and it means so much, having you sing it…” He broke off as the waiter appeared with our appetizers, wiping a tear from his cheek. The buffalo milk mozzarella was delicious, and I focused on it intently so I wouldn’t notice the octopus bits on Simon’s plate and barf all over the table. The main course arrived shortly thereafter, and we ate quickly, casually exchanging stories regarding what we’d been up to while we were apart. We both ordered chocolate and marzipan balls with rum and raisins for desert, and I threw caution to the wind and chose a Bicern to go with it…a mix of hot chocolate, coffee and cream. Once that had been delivered, Simon closed his eyes, took a deep breath, then opened them.

“Now comes the telling. This is a big one, and it’s not something we’re telling anyone other than Phaedra and you and Tom until the time is right. So.” Another deep breath. “Luke and I have decided that we’d like to have a family. Together. A child. Children. Kids. Us. Together. We’ve got our egg donor, and some eggs set aside already, actually, and just last week we found our surrogate. Now this is the crazy part, the totally, completely mental bit…are you ready?” I just stared, and he snorted and continued. “It’s my ex-wife, Lisa.”

Mouth agape, head tilted, I was momentarily at a loss for words. “Are you…are you…are you fucking kidding me?”

He roared with laughter. “No. No I am not. Luke and I discussed our plans with Roland, because it’s something we thought he should be aware of so he can get used to the idea, and apparently he went home and told Lisa that we wanted to have a family and that he wished he knew how to help because I’m such a great dad already and Luke’s a great dad too and that any kid would be really, really lucky to have us as parents and...” He paused, holding back a sob, then continued, tears streaming down his face. “So Lisa talked to Jim, her husband, and they all came over and…here we are. She loves being pregnant, apparently. And she actually said she’s very happy for me, that I finally found what I was looking for, and that raising a child with someone you love is an experience everyone deserves to have and…” He put his head in his hands, weeping, and I reached across and took hold of his wrists.

“Simon…that’s incredible, and beautiful and I’m so, so thrilled for you both.”

He pulled his hands from mine in order to blow his nose in his napkin. “The plan is to use two embryos on the first go round, one fertilized by my sperm, the other by Luke’s and see what happens. And…we’re going to start trying in April. And AND, if and when we’re successful, I’m likely going to be stepping away from Prosper to be the stay-at-home parent.”

Those words hit me hardest, because I hadn’t even thought about what I’d want to do when there was a real, actual baby in the picture. Would I continue to work full time? Go part time? Not work at all? Yay, more things for me to obsess over. And what would Tom want to do? Cut back on his own work? Try and stay close to home? Or would the baby and I travel with him? I was yanked from my wool gathering by Simon tapping on my forehead.

“Maude? You okay? What’s going on in there?”

I squeezed my eyes shut, then opened them. “Well, since it’s confession time and all…I’m going off the pill next month. So, are you all ready for Christmas or what?”

“MAUDE! OH MY GOD! CAN YOU IMAGINE IF WE HAVE BABIES AT THE SAME TIME?” He realized he was shouting about my personal business in the middle of a crowded restaurant, threw a wad of cash on the table, and escorted me outside, my jacket only halfway on.  “Sorry about that. Damn. But I AM SO EXCITED! Are you excited?”

“Uh…sure. Yep. Excited. Also filled with trepidation with a little horror mixed in because I have no idea what I’m doing and will probably suck at being a mom. But also in awe of the fact that there might be a little combo of Hiddleston/Gallagher genetics running amok at some point, and I can’t wait to see Tom with a baby. He’s always wanted to be a father. Hopefully I’m not too old to make that happen. Christ. Can we be done talking about this? I…”

He gave me the biggest bear hug I’ve ever had, whispering in my ear as we waited for the cab. “Don’t be stressed. I’ve got experience, and trust me, it’s the most amazing thing you’ll ever do, and you’ll be an exceptionally excellent mother. And you aren’t too old, honey. Plus, if you need a little help, you have the funds. So no worries. It will happen.”

I wiggled free as the cab pulled up to the curb. “I hope so. Shit. I promised Tom chocolate. Can we swing by a bakery on the way home?”

His elbow rose in my direction. “Twist my arm, why don’t you?”

“You sure you want to put that out there, Simon?’

He tucked his arm back into his side. “I hereby rescind my offer. A sling would really clash with the wedding theme, and inhibit my dancing considerably. Good call.”

“Damn right.”

The ride back was uneventful, both of us busy munching on some of the chocolate chip cookies we’d purchased. After trekking up the stairs we hugged goodbye in the hallway, and as I turned my key in the lock I could hear Tom speaking loudly inside. I opened the door to find him pacing in the kitchen, one hand in his hair, pushing it back over and over, the other holding his phone to his ear.

“Yes, yes, I KNOW. Okay. I’m not sure how to handle this. I know. You don’t either. It’s just so sudden. We’ll figure it out. Maude’s home. I have to go.” He tapped his phone, then looked up at me, his face paler than usual, visibly upset and unduly stressed. “It’s my father.”

My first thought was that he’d passed away, but Tom’s tone during the call didn’t quite convey that. He’d seemed agitated, short tempered…and that was my shtick for a dead parent, not his. I walked toward him, stopping a foot away, uncertain if he wanted to be touched at this juncture, speaking firmly but softly.

“What happened?”

“He’s coming to Christmas. After almost twenty years of completely ignoring all of us during the holidays, the son of a bitch is coming to Christmas.”

[getoffthesoapbox]

[SnB:VS] EP3 - A Wild Love Triangle Appears!

I wasn’t going to speculate per episode but, dagnabbit, the speculation opportunities are calling me. 

This series is the highlight of my week, I swear. 

Mirroring the Opening

This whole episode set up a scenario quite similar to what we see in the opening theme visuals--Azazel being drawn out by Charioce and Nina on the move to save him. I’m not sure how it will unfold, or if we’ll see more than one variation of this scenario within the first twelve episodes, but I’m definitely looking forward to whatever is coming.

Now that I’m sure we’re not changing the opening every episode to switch to a new character, I feel more confident that Azazel is meant to be the main male protagonist. It’s still weird that Charioce is listed first in the ending credits, but that may just be because Charioce gets top billing as main love interest for Nina. Who knows. 

Azazel and Mugaro

Well, I know what ship I’m switching to if Nina decides to be a fool. (When Mugaro is older, of course. Too young right now.)

Azazel is painstakingly tender with Mugaro. He has so much affection for the kid, it’s utterly heartwarming. I do suspect this affection will be tested when he finds out Mugaro isn’t a demon--Azazel probably dislikes angels as much as he dislikes humans. But his life is now going to be filled with humans and angels, in order to help him learn to see past the race and accept the common essence each of them shares. 

Regardless, this does prove that Azazel has a good heart when he’s not being a prejudiced turd. This explains a little more the loyalties his fellow demons had to him in the previous series, as well as why he himself was never consumed with ambition. He’s a swell chap at heart; he just needs to overcome his biases against humans (and presumably angels). 

I did find it interesting that Mugaro chose Azazel, rather than vice versa. Azazel doesn’t seem to know the extent of Mugaro’s powers, either. Mugaro seems to be hiding things from Azazel. It’s surely not out of malicious intent (I doubt Mugaro has a malicious bone in his body), but it’s likely so Mugaro can stay as close to Azazel as he can for as long as he can.

Azazel’s lucky to be protected by two incredibly powerful beings--Nina and Mugaro. Undoubtedly he’s going to screw up, and those two are strong enough to get him out of whatever tomfoolery he gets himself into.  I also love how Azazel relies on Rita--she’s the one he feels he can entrust Mugaro to, and given how fond he is of Mugaro, this shows how highly he esteems Rita. 

The Love Triangle Arrives!

The moment I’d been waiting for since the 3rd PV arrived at last! Nina has now met both of her main suitors--Azazel and the “Turbaned Gentleman”, who clearly is none other than our out of control king, Charioce. 

Nina clearly has a “type”--tall, toned, and youthful. She can look at huge muscles and square jaws all day without blinking, but the minute some model-magazine quality young man walks by, she’s all blushes. It’s pretty cute. =)

I found the choices the writers took with this pivotal meeting between Nina and Charioce to be quite interesting. 

Nina doesn’t get to see Charioce first (Hamsa warns her Charioce is an ikemen, giving her time to place a blindfold over her eyes). On a higher meta implication, this renders her blind to who he is. Maaaaaybe it’s just coincidence, but methinks not, given how careful these writers have been so far. ;) You never want to start off blind in a relationship--bad things come of that.

Usually in these types of stories, the “strong” heroine will lose to her superior male mate. Nina almost loses to Charioce, but it’s mostly due to her being distracted over touching him rather than his particular strength. He is strong, make no mistake, but once she finally digs in and gets serious, she easily overpowers him, sending him flying and taking the table with him. The fact that the story allowed Nina to win the contest could imply several things: she will win him over in the end, she will win against him in the end, or perhaps he’s the wrong choice for her (or any or all of these). 

Charioce’s reaction to Nina is one of mild intrigue as well as a bit of posturing. He knows he’s an attractive man, and he knows she’s starstruck by him. He probably sees her as a bit of a country bumpkin. Her strength does impress him, and I expect it will be her strength (and her transformation) that will draw him back to her. What that’s going to ultimately mean, I’m not quite sure yet. The narrative did give him one tiny “humanizing” moment where he stood at the mystery grave stone, so he might have more to him than meets the eye. Will it be enough to wipe away all his evil deeds? I doubt it, but who knows. I’ve seen worse. <cough>Berserk and Vampire Knight</cough>

All in all, Charioce’s and Nina’s first meeting was more underwhelming than I was expecting, given the 3rd PV. Spacing out their encounters like this, instead of really focusing in on it, diffuses the impact (a direct contrast to Amira and Favaro from the prequel). This is very good for those of us on the Azazel train. ;)

Nina herself is clearly starstruck at first sight. However, despite her flailing and fangirling and her heart doing its pre-dragon thing, she never once loses control nor does she actually go “full dragon” for Charioce. Perhaps she will later, but right not Azazel is the only one who’s effected the full transformation from her. I’m not sure what that means, exactly, but it is interesting that they made sure to focus more on general girly reactions to Charioce, rather than the larger narrative implications of her transformation for Azazel. It paints the Charioce reaction in a lighter, more comical perspective. Obviously the regular viewer is going to see this and think “wow, Nina’s in love with Charioce,” which is exactly what the writers want. Tricksy writers. I shall not be fooled!

We have the love triangle confirmed from Rita herself. She asks Nina who she finds more handsome--Azazel or Charioce. The tricksy writers are at it again by not letting Nina answer. She does blink several times before reacting, however, and that implies she can’t immediately choose one over the other, rendering them about equal at this point in the story. This is important in order to keep Azazel as an option, because right now Nina’s not supposed to be pursuing him. She’s supposed to be pursuing Charioce, but we still need the clues leading toward her switching to Azazel later, because no one enjoys asspulls in storytelling. ;)

For now, Nina doesn’t get to interact with Azazel this episode, mostly to allow Charioce to finally “weigh in.” But she does immediately run to Azazel’s rescue despite only having known him for a brief time. =P 

Charioce’s Romance/Narrative Trajectory

Despite Azazel having the opening theme dedicated to him, and despite all the cues that Charioce is the narrative’s main villain, he’s still being billed at number 2 in the ending. This implies that he should be either the main love interest or the main male protagonist, second only to Nina. I’m quite baffled, but, hey, I’m willing to trust these writers to give the story a good run.

Right now I see three paths for Charioce’s development, given where he’s starting:

Charioce initially is interested in Nina for her abilities/skills, but gradually falls in love with her. He and she clash over the treatment of the demons, and eventually he realizes the error of his ways through her. {The problem with this is that it basically mirrors Azazel’s Beauty & the Beast trajectory, telling the exact same story. Unless Azazel’s going to become the main villain instead, this isn’t going to work.}

Charioce initially has no interest in Nina at all until he realizes what she is (presumably after seeing her dragon transformation). He then goes about deliberately seducing her, as he already knows she’s starstruck by him. He works on twisting her to his will to do his bidding, holding out the promise of romance as a reward. This puts her into direct conflict with Azazel and Kaisar and co. This leads to several different paths where Nina can fight her friends, or tun on Charioce, or get broken hearted and try to save Charioce, etc. Lots of opportunities with this route that don’t conflict with Azazel’s route. 

Charioce is interested in Nina and doesn’t realize who she is. He continues to do his usual evil bad guy stuff, and they have a pivotal moment halfway through where she realizes he’s been this jerk she’s been fighting all along. Nina realizes he’s not the person she loved, and she turns on him. Charioce, meanwhile, actually is in love with Nina and tries to win her back, but he’s committed to his path because he believes he’s righteous. This is a bit more nuanced version of #2 above which allows Charioce to be more complicated than just a nasty schemer. ;D 

Honestly, Charioce’s trajectory is where all the fun is. I’m not sure if he’s the final villain or if Bahamut still is or if we’ll get someone else who’s pulling Charioce’s strings later on, but he does bring a variety of opportunities to the table that poor Azazel can’t. ;) Rock on, Charioce! I’m counting on you to make things fun!

{Fun fact: Charioce is why I wanted to watch this show in the first place, lol. And I’m rooting against him, lol. =D}

Rita and Kaisar 

My secret OTP from the original series lives!!! OMG Rita calls Rocky Kaisar’s child! It’s his own darn hand, lol! (I adore how nonchalant she is about it. But the implications! She keeps a piece of him with her all the time! Gah!) The marriage implications! Kaisar gets in Rita’s intimate zones! He has eyes only for her! He doesn’t even notice Nina! But he does run after Nina as soon as the wife tells him to get moving! Gah! It’s so great!

I love that Nina asked if Kaisar was Rita’s lover (even though she didn’t know who exactly it was). Please make it so, show! I was so so so so worried they’d shoehorn him with Jeanne after that little short prequel episode they did with him and Jeanne recently, but I should not have feared! Rita’s devotion can’t be defeated! 

This also explains why Rita lives at the capital. She must be near her Kaisar! I’m so happy I can’t even express myself properly. Please give me more, show! *ahem*

The Family Protects Its Own

Can I just say how much I love the way Virgin Soul is developing the heroic family? Genesis did the best it could with this given its limited runtime, but Virgin Soul is taking what Genesis began and running with it beautifully.

We’re getting more information about Hamsa and Bacchus, for one thing. For another, the team has really come together around Nina and Azazel. Their reactions to Nina’s mentor (Favaro returns!) are charming and perfectly in character with how they reacted to him during Genesis. It’s easy to see how much they not only love Nina, but love Favaro as well. 

The fact that all of them, including Kaisar, are protecting Azazel explains why he’s the only bounty still able to run freely. It also explains why Charioce was suspecting Kaisar in the first place--Kaisar’s probably been letting Azazel get away more often than he should. 

Rita trying to stop Nina from going after Azazel was the moment that really got me this episode, though. She’s such a caring, loving person, and she’s only known this girl for a short time, and still she wants to keep her safe so badly she sends her beloved Kaisar after her. The strong bond this group is forming is going to be something to behold by the end, I think. 

I have a huge soft spot for stories that continue developing their characters from their earlier seasons, even if they’ve shifted focus to other characters. Being able to explore the original cast in new ways as they react to these new scenarios is one of the joys of a story like this. 

I am seriously floored by how much content there is in each episode of Virgin Soul. This series has easily taken the top slot in the season for me, no small feat with Rinne and Shingeki no Kyojin and Berserk in the same season. I hope it continues to be such a complex and compelling ride all the way to the end, a credit to its predecessor even as it forges new territory.

In the meantime, though, where are Jeanne and Lucifer dammut! ;)

Until next week!

[inquisitorextraordinaire]

On the Right Side of the Bed

Cam was the soft yellows of sunlight through tired windows, the colour of comfort and warmth and faded childhood memories. They were tender, gentle, and Arley could never deny feeling bad about being as bright red as he was. Burnt red, tired orange-y red like firetrucks and fruit and blood. He was electric and energetic, and they were memorable and subtle, and he wanted to tone down his colours if it meant Cam could be happy. If it meant Cam was happy and the orange they had made together was happy, he could be okay with being a duller colour.

Blinking and yawning as he woke up, Arley let his vision slowly blink clear as he gazed up at the raised ceilings of his studio apartment - everything familiar, from the dull yellow light of the tired old windows to the brick walls - and finally rolled over, yet another familiar thing to him resting with their back turned to the guitarist. Gaze lingering on Cam, Arley smirked to himself before scooching closer to his partner, arms wrapping around them instinctively as he tiredly kept exploring with his fingers.

Knuckles brushing against Cam's cheek - familiar - and his mouth pressing gently against the back of their head - familiar - Arley sighed and closed his eyes as he let his hands rove over Cam's shoulder, down their smooth sides before easing forward on their body and resting on his new favourite thing; which was very unfamiliar. Calloused hands coming down and cradling the curve of Cam's belly, Arley exhaled into their hair - and taking a self indulgent whiff of their scent whilst doing so - and moved his hands along the curve softly, worn fabric feeling of Cam's shirt still familiar to him despite the shape it held on their body not being so.

Admittedly, Arley was still getting over the shock of it all - Cam having rather abruptly requested to have a baby months prior, and Arley always far too willing to give them anything they so desired even if the idea was out of the blue and ill prepared - as he let his touch linger against his tired partner, him not even thinking about the fact that his flat was crowded with boxes everywhere but around the mattress that they were both resting on, or the fact that aforementioned boxes would be moving up a few flights of stairs in the building they lived in, into an apartment with actual rooms designed for people to live in when they had more than just one crappy couple in a space. Or, at least, when they soon would have more than just one crappy couple living in them.

Closing his eyes a bit and exhaling deeply again, Arley brought himself closer to Cam as he pressed himself against their back, arms wrapping around them protectively as he began to spoon his partner, only to feel Cam finally shift and start to stir into wakefulness, Arley's excited touching getting the best of him and ruining the moment as the drummer against him made a tired whining noise, him yawning and mumbling apologetically, "Shit, sorry for wakin' ya, Cam. I was jus'-" He started, bringing a hand off of Cam and rubbing one of his eyes just as they turned around in his grip, Camren looking up at Arley with oddly alert eyes as he blinked back like a stunned goldfish.

Cam reaching their hands towards Arley's and pulling his wrists, they placed his palms flat against their belly as he kept his gaze wide and unsure, Cam muttering quietly, "It wasn't you that woke me, it was this little drummer trying to kick their way free already." They tuned with a light, airy laugh, Arley blinking for a moment before beaming down at Cam with a smile and moving his hands along their front carefully, fingers tracing over Cam's worn out shirt until he finally found the spots where the light tapping was coming from, the artist closing his eyes and letting his sensitive digits feel the beat their kid was making as it pushed and shifted in an urgent manor, Cam's skin pushing out underneath his fingers while he smiled.

"Hm... Judging by the tempo, I'd say that this little drummer likes classic rock, or maybe a blend of indie-rock and alternative. All good genres, in my opinion." Arley joked, making a ridiculously factual tone with his voice before bursting into snickers and leaning down, kissing Cam gently on the mouth and murmuring against their warm lips, "... Already damned talented, but I'm not surprised, considering who's carrying this kid around like a fuckin' champ." He praised, pulling away from Cam and returning to his usual adulation-filled expression that he had on his face whenever he looked at his partner, Cam laughing and sighing before sitting up with a grunt.

Bringing his hands up to the drummer's sides instinctively to help them sit up - a task that while before had been easy for Camren, was now a challenge to complete without assistance - Camren accepted Arley's help as they got upright then scooted over, climbing onto the guitarist's lap and plunking down into a seated position on him as Arley let out a whistle of air, him wiggling underneath his partner and trying to get comfortable while Cam hummed, "If this new roadie has any talent, I can almost assure that it's from their super awesome and skilled father." Cam toned with a weak smirk, letting Arley's hands go back to roaming over every curve and contour of their body as he grinned up at them - admiring how nice Cam still looked in his shirt, even when their round tummy jutted out enough to pull the middle of the band tee taught against that part of their frame while every other part of the old shirt stayed loose on their body, taking in how stunning he thought the slightly bigger sway to Camren's hips made him feel, and how pleased he was that it was his kid that they were going through it all for - before he flopped his head back on his pillow and tuned jokingly.

"Oh my god, the dad of this kid has talent?! You cheated on me with someone talented, Cam?! Oh, oh nooooo I'm heartbroken. My soul is being crushed much like the legs that you're sitting on! Oh sad day, the love of my life chose a talented person to have a kid with instead of myself! How shall I go on?!" He teased, covering his eyes with his forearm for added dramatic effect as he grinned like a doofus and broke the facade, Cam rolling their eyes and prodding Arley in the new layer of pudge on his tummy as he snorted and writhed at the ticklish sensation, him bringing his hands back towards Cam's waist and pouting, "Hey, no fair pinching a poor guy in his new squishy parts after you admit to cheating on him with a talented person! That's just cruel!" He taunted again, earning Arley a smack to the chest as he sat up and leaned forward, kissing Cam on the nose as they huffed at him and his antics.

Rolling their eyes at him again, Cam huffed before slinging their arms around Arley's shoulders and grumbling, "I get woken up by someone kicking my kidneys, I'm hungry, and you're making jokes? For shame, Ar. This was supposed to be a Blaz, but I don't even know anymore thanks to your attitude." Cam commented with a dramatic pout, kissing along their boyfriend's jaw and cheek as their arms tightened around his shoulders, Arley wrapping his arms around his partner gently and holding them as close as their baby bump would allow while they sat like that for a minute, both going quiet and just enjoying the closeness of the other before Cam toned quietly, "... I don't know what kind of gods I appeased to have someone like you in my life, but I love you, Arley. Even if you make ridiculous jokes and don't seem to care that I'm really really hungry right now." Cam toned, closing their eyes and savouring the feeling of the guitarist against them as Arley turned his head and kissed their cheek gently, humming against their skin happily.

Taking one more moment to sit there and cuddle, Arley pulled away from Cam as their stomach gurgled loudly, him holding his partner at arms length and looking down at their tummy before poking the drummer's front with a finger, toning scoldingly, "Y'know, for a roadie you sure are demanding. Figures, we made a post-boyband solo artist." He commented with a laugh, grinning as Cam covered their mouth to stifle a snort as Arley sighed and stretched out his back, flopping backwards onto their worn out mattress as he asked, "Alright, my darling drummer, what perchance may I get for you to sate this hunger you speak of? Shall we put on pants and trek far and wide to the Denny's? Or do you wish for your talented and courteous mate to make you something here?" He asked jovially, making his voice sound upright and proper in a crappy English accent as Cam laughed again, climbing off of Arley's lap and swinging their legs over the edge of the bed, them thinking for a moment before getting to their feet with a grunt and turning back to glance at their lax boyfriend, Cam demanding in an equally shitty accent,

"Methinks we shall trek on, but not towards Denny's, but the IHOP. For they have a tower of strawberry waffles that is demanding my attention as soon as possible." They commanded, making a theatrical hand gesture and leaving Arley snorting as he sat up and ruffled his hair, getting up out of their warm bed and shuffling his feet around on the messy floor to try and find a pair of pants, him tuning back jokingly,

"If that is what my bandmate and roadie need, that is what they shall receive!"

((Cam belongs to @kalamitis, Arley belongs to myself.))

[fuckimblue]

Anthony x Mike

anthony x mike

Gives nose/forehead kisses. neither? anthony isn’t tender enough to do this and he’d probably side eye mike if he tried it once. 

Gets jealous the most. oohh. idk. i was gonna say mike bc ant isn’t a very jealous person. he only gets jealous when he knows things aren’t right between them and mike is thinking of ending it or already has and is dating someone else. BUT ALSO. i just realized ant gets jealous when mike can’t spend time with him because he has plans to do something else. so he like...gets jealous of mike’s life outside of their relationship. he’d keep his boy in bed with him all day if he could. 

Picks the other up from the bar when they’re too drunk to drive. mike picks up ant.

Takes care of on sick days. they both take care of each other methinks. 

Drags the other person out into the water on beach day. anthony drags mike. he’s the guy that’s always trying to make sure everyone’s having a maximum amount of fun.

Gives unprompted massages. anthony, as foreplay. but also after sex...which usually leads to more sex. so yeah, foreplay. 

Drives/rides shotgun. they both drive. maybe mike a bit more because anthony is irresponsible and gets lost easily. 

Brings the other lunch at work. anthony does this all the time. he loves any excuse to skip out on work. and 9/10 he tries to turn lunch into a quickie in the backseat of his car. 

Has the better parental relationship. anthony. he has the most supportive parents ever. 

Tries to start role-playing in bed. mike? anthony isn’t really into it.   

Embarrassingly drunk dancer. anthony. he’s a decent dancer. but he’s super showy  when he’s wasted. he likes being the center of attention.  

Still cries watching Titanic. mike? anthony doesn’t think it’s that sad. 

Firmly believes in couples costumes. idk, i think anthony might be against them. he’s so flirty that i think he’d feel uncomfortable being so obviously with someone. 

Breaks the expensive gift rule during Christmas. the rule is lame. anthony would never allow it. 

Makes the other eat breakfast. mike. mike’s probably responsible for all of the smart decisions in their relationship. 

Remembers anniversaries. both.

Brings up having kids. both? i’m not sure who would beat who to it.