#this got sooo long and is so incoherent but i dont think i can make it better than that so here it is

[gay-david-tennant]

@theredsky of course i will :) let's just preface it by saying that i'm not an expert in any way and this will probably amount to a aroace mad man's rambling but i will try to make it coherent...

First the definition part: Elizabeth Brake describes amatonormativity as "the widespread assumption that everyone is better off in an exclusive, romantic, long-term coupled relationship, and that everyone is seeking such a relationship." This of course also means putting romantic relationships/feelings on a higher pedestal than any other sort of relationship (see the absolutely dreadful phrase 'just friends'). Heteronormativity is the belief that heterosexuality is the norm and that sexual/romantic relationships are most fitting between man and woman. (Heteronormativity also implies a strict view of gender as a binary).

The one phrase that made me think of this all in the first place is "they would already be together if they were a man and a woman" which we all probably have heard at least once about a same-sex friendship in a story. And this describes the connection between amatonormativity and heteronormativity in media and queerbaiting pretty good. Because most of the time that isn't actually that far from the truth. But the reason why it's pretty accurate is not that the scenes between those friends are particularly romantic but that it takes almost next to nothing to establish a heterosexual romantic relationship in movies. The idea that a romantic relationship is the ultimate end goal and the prevailing heteronormativity is so present that sometimes man and woman just need to coexist on screen for a majority of the audience to see a good reason for them to get together. And, yes, there are tropes used to convey romantic attraction but i'd still wager that most of them could be as easily interpreted as platonic as they can be interpreted as romantic in nature. And, you know, i do get the argument mentioned above, mostly because even though the trope used may not be a particular strong indication of romantic attraction in real life it's a whole other thing in a movie. If a trope is used primarily in a romantic context in movies then it may not become inherently romantic but it becomes a good indicator that whoever was writing it was thinking of romance at that moment and wanted the audience to do the same.

A good example for that would be the 'person C remarks they thought character A and B were a couple. In real life this can mean anything from 'C is the most astute obsever ever' to 'C is a victim of amatonormativity and doesn't know shit'. It says something about what C thinks but nothing about the nature of A and B's relationship. They could be sworn enemies for all i care. In a movie however C's comment has a Reason and that reason is not only that C does think that but also that the writer wants the audience to at least entertain the thought of A and B being together. You wouldnt mention it if it wasnt something that the audience was supposed to see and think of. So if i take care to write a scene like this about two friends of the same sex (looking at you Sherlock) then i shouldn't be surprised that people pick up on that and assume romantic subtext. It's as valid an interpretation as seeing them as friends.

However it's still important to note that it's not the only interpretation. Although amatonormativity makes you believe that there are certain things only romantic partners do most thing are pretty ambiguous. The amatonormativity that was always there in media now directly contributes to amatonormativity in queer readings of said media. (not that there isn't plenty of other amatonormativity from other places going around like the focus on romantic relationships as queer representation). And i'd love for this amatonormativity to lessen but since when do we get what we wish for? 'Cause of course there was a way to make it worse and that's exactly what happened. Instead of accepting that there are queer readings of their work too many creators, no matter whether they intentionally queerbaited or not, tried to discredit those interpretation (greatly helped along by a generous helping of queerphobia behind as well as in front of the screen). Queer readings were called 'delusional' and people were mocked relentlessly. And what do people do when people very irrationally (once again there are always multiple interpretations) tell them they're wrong? They try to prove they're right with all their might. Which is the point at which people tried to argue that actually their interpretation was the only one that's right. Phrases like 'there's no platonic explanation for this' were born and are still used heavily. This is the amatonormativity in fandom i am talking about. Now in addition to the general amatonormativity (the one that puts romance above all else and is seen in the preference for queer romances as representation) there seem to be some people who think of queer romance as the only acceptable queer representatiom. I have, for example, seen people call the first season of Good Omens queerbaiting because Aziraphale and Crowley aren't in a romantic relationship while ignoring the actual queer representation that in it. Something can be queer without a romantic relationship and not shipping two characters together does not mean that one doesn't see them as queer in any way or that one is homophobic (which i've also seen people claim). All this does not benefit the LGBTQIA+ community! If actual queer representation like trans/intersex/genderqueer/aro/ace/etc. characters get ignored in favor of a ship which isn't even canon then that doesn't help to make queer characters more popular. It just helps the people who don't actually want to see it because they can say 'look, nobody is interested in this anyway'. This is not an attack on shipping btw. You have every right to ship characters all you like, it just shouldn't be the sole focus when it comes to queer representation and calling someone homophobic for not canonizing a ship when they have shown their support of the community again and again is absurd. I just wish that the attitude that one headcanon is the one and only true interpretation would stop. Stories are works of art that are meant to be interpreted and will have a different meaning for everyone and we shouldn't be fighting about which one is better but instead we should be fighting against people policing what the 'correct' interpretations are.

I hope this is in any way understandable and you are very welcome to add something to this. Thanks for coming to my ted talk :)

there is an essay about the connection between anatonormativity and heteronormativity in media, queerbaiting and amatonormativity in fandom forming in my head and anyone who asks (and probably anyone who doesn't) could be subjected to it

[bookinit02]

HI im so sorry i just finished reading the e4 script and i am just . fuckign speechless i cant articulate at all lol it was soo amazing when i finished i needed to stare at a wall for like three minutes straight just to process hang on one sec hang on a minute let me uh let me jsut two seconds here hangn on HDSHHSDCHSCSCVGSCVGDVGSCDCGSXCGXSCXSCGSGSCGCGHCXGHCGXHCHXHXFFHCHXD#DFFDCEFHDFSNCNKSDCNJDSTHFH3489FDJNHJFVDSHJFDHSDFDHVHGSDCVDGHC489FHJHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i am literally SO OBSESSED you are such a talented writer and im so sorry once again for dumping all my thoughts in ur askbox especially when most are just incoherent but i have so many of them 😭 and this has been on my mind like all day lmao chewing on drywall actually<3333

okay first of all i LOVE HOW EVERYTHING IS COMING TOGETHER IT'S SO INTERESTING all the little plotlines feed into the bigger ones,,,,,, th hive mind isn't toxic plot which means SHITT vecna isnt trying to kill them he's trying to do something Else WHY ARE YOU SO GOOD AT PLOT TWISTS AAAAAAA and the back-and-forth between dustin and robin, the reveal that vecna was trying to force someone out ("where's will?")CHILLS. THE CHILLS. GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD it was so cool omgg omgomgomg. also max's storyline is literally INSANE i am SO INVESTED and i love how you've handled it so far i can't wait to see where you're gonna go with it!! <3 like. LIGHT. run the other way run to the light,,,, and the whole thing with TERRY is so genius it all makes so much sense but i never saw it coming and it was just SOOO SICK to see play out on the script i was on the edge of my damn seat the whole time you are literally SO TALENTED i am yelling sosososo loud!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

kind of continuing on from that i love all the references to past seasons :D the heart motif with lumax and byler has me in a chokehold btw grnjfrgnjfdjknnfjdgvknjkgfdjnkhehe!!!!!!! and the "you can leave, it's---" the rain is DEAFENING. will FLINCHES. THE RAIN SCENE??? also HELLOOOOOOO EMOTIONAL RAIN SCENE i think i can speak for all of us when i say im FLOOORED!!!!! gahhhhhh I CANT I ACTUALLY CANNOT YOURE AMAZING AND SO IS YOUR WRITING!!! plus the curiosity voyage WHO CHEERED :)

the. the byler quarry scene i. the lead up to it was INCREDIBLE and the gut punch sliding down walls head in hands heartwrenching 1000year brainrot is REAL because it has been my resting state since i read it when it dropped!!!!!! <3 basically my quick review is AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA and woag the slightly less quick review is also AAAAAokay no im kidding dont worry i have soo many thoughts head FULL girl i am so unwell over it "stay" THE CHEEK TOUCH THE HAND OVER HEART THE "i cant" and then it's TOO LATE.throwing up!!!!!THROWING UP and the jump and the running start and the rainstorm as a whole i am . I AM !!!!!!!! I AM SOOOOOOqhjwhjsdhjjhdjhdsjwjsdjhhjdhjehjwejhogufdoudfgjgdfjjwhdjhd dyinf a thousand deaths passing away rn

ANYWAYYY looking back on this i realize how long it is I AM SO SORRY JESUS😭😭😭 but yeah thats my roundabout way of letting you know that this rewrite and the s5 plot and scripts and fic and shoutout to the characterization which you NAILED it's absolutely EVERYTHINGGGG okay i promise im done now im so sorry like i said this got Way Unreasonably Long but thank you sosososo much for sharing this with us i hope you have a great rest of your day!! :D

this is the comment that made me cry at work btw so please never apologize for it being long😭😭 this was soooooo nice of you and it makes me so happy to know that all the work i put into these scripts is being recognized!!

one of the biggest challenges of this script has definitely been all the intersecting plot lines. i’ve never really attempted anything this expansive or complicated before, so there’s definitely a learning curve to it! i’m glad you’re enjoying it so far. & while i don’t think this plot twist is one of my best by any means, and honestly i wasn’t even thinking about it as a plot twist, i’m still glad you liked it! i really adore writing plot twists, and i love the feeling you get when reading something that has been so cleverly executed. it’s really the same feeling that i strive to emulate in all my fics!

i just said this in another ask, but i am SO psyched about max’s plot. i was really stuck on what to do with her, but i didn’t want to sideline her. pairing her up with terry was something that i never considered, but i literally had a revelation one night and was like oh my god that’s PERFECT!! & i haven’t seen anyone else do anything even moderately close, so i’m very excited to try something new.

i love a good reference!! parallels make my heart so happy. or so sad. depending on the circumstance. the rain fight one was a little bit evil, i’ll admit. the curiosity voyage was a lot more fun!

i was also unwell over the quarry scene. i literally cried writing it. i had to take multiple breaks. just ask suni i was SO unwell oh my god😭 so i’m right there with you.

again, please don’t apologize!!! this was incredibly kind of you, and it makes me so unbelievably happy to get comments on my script. this is an episode that i was insanely proud of, and i’m really happy that everyone has enjoyed it so much. thank you so much for all your kind words!!💗🫂

[oh-for-fic-sake]

What will daddy Henry do if his little is sad because someone took something valuable from her?

So i wanst sure what to base this on entirely, so I'm going to go with something I went through over the last few weeks. I had a little bit of anon hate, which I deleted but the words stuck with me making me second guess everything i was working on and the confidence i had in my writing was taken away. so this is like a shameful self indulgent fantasy that im going to read to myself when ever im down.

Warnings: Pretty Personal For Me, Angsty, Fluffy, Self Doubt, Happy Ending, DDLG, Long!!

Tagging: @viking-raider @isitmine @tinabean37 @loserrlauraa  @msblkfire84 @henrythickcavill @plainbrunettelbl @dummiesshort @cynic-spirit @pandaxnienke  @two-unbeatable-beaters @libbymouse @wolfieash @eldarwen333 @princesssterek @mom2000aggie @blackestpinkworld 

(not sure who to tag in headcannons? these are the ones on my everything taglist)

Henry watched quietly with a frown as you sat down in the living room, eyes cast down at the tablet in front of you shoulders slumped.

"poppet what's wrong love?"

"n-nothing da-addy" you said with a small stutter

Henry shifted on his feet looking at you critically before coming over to you.

"nothing? So your sitting here almost in tears over nothing" he stated sceptically rounding the sofa sitting next to you.

"I'm not cryin" you sniffled trying to bite your lower lip to stop it from wobbling.

"not yet, but close enough poppet, hand it over" he said holding out his hand waiting for the tablet.

You whined not wanting to hand it to him at first but after a mini battle of wills you placed the colourful tablet in his hand.

Your head was cast down and you rubbed your eyes trying to catch the tears before they were noticeable.

"okay then, so this is your new story?" he asked scrolling through the page not reading it all but scanning the words, it was well written like always.

At the beginning of the pandemic he suggested you started a blog, and you had. A writing blog all full of fanfictions of... Him.

He didn't mind he actually love you doing something constructive, it kept you happy and busy which helped him because there wasn't many free days even in lockdown. He was working out, reading scripts or rearranging covid tests and travel.

Plus knew these smut blogs existed, even lurked on a few.

"y-yeah" you mumbled leaning on him hugging his arm scanning the page as he scrolled, you knew he wasn't reading everything maybe every few lines

"sooo what's the problem?" he said not finding an issue with the writing.

"i... I cant post it" you muttered looking down avoiding his gaze

"why?" he asked frowning not liking the defeated tone you had.

"j-just because..."

"ah I see, you have lost your confidence" he said quickly figuring out the problem, the downside to writing was everything was personal preference so tiny comments could knock your confidence.

In a way it was like his work, you put your heart and soul into it and then people don't like it? It was always a bummer. But he was used to it, you were not.

You nodded to him it was true you'd lost your confidence, you hadn't wrote for a while.

You couldn't seem to find the words to fit together anymore.

You felt silly, they were just a few mean comments, words from a nasty troll who didn't have anything better to do but it hurt, you poured your heart into every chapter and then for people to rip it to shreds? It stung.

"y-yes I... They didn't like it" you hummed fiddling with your fingers, drawing deep breaths trying not to cry

"and so what?" he said shrugging making you snap your gaze to him.

"wha?"

"it doesn't matter love, so a few people didn't like it, lots of people do, I love your stories"

"you have to your my daddy"

Henry huffed and shook his head at you ruffling your hair pressing a kiss to your head amused that you thought that's the only reason he liked your writing.

"don't stop writing just because of a few mean people nugget, it takes a lot of skill to write and a lot of bravery to share it. Your a brave talented little baby and I'm very proud of you"

He said cooing as that seemed to be the final push sending you over the edge making you burst out into tears.

He hugged you moving the tablet out of the way before pulling you to his lap, unbuttoning his shirt half way and squished you into his bare chest knowing you needed to feel him, not a shirt.

"shh its okay babygirl, your stories are wonderful, and you have fun writing them don't you baby?"

You nodded crying harder trying to get the words out but you just couldn't instead whining incoherently into him.

"and you enjoy making the little banners? And collect all your photos and gifs?"

"y-yeah but they di-dn't like it last time!"

"they don't have to like everything you do sweety"

"but I don't wana upset them!"

"did you do the warnings?" he asked knowing all about the do's and don'ts of posting your erotica.

You nodded whining you always did warnings on stuff to be safe.

"and make the little cut thingy you were telling me about?" again you nodded at him

"so your telling me they read the warnings, clicked to see it and then were mean?" you sniffled biting your lip trying to calm down but nodded to him humming quietly.

"well then it sounds to me like they were going out of their way, looking for someone to pick on" he said slowly rocking you slightly.

You fell quiet resting your head on his chest as he rubbed your back and patted your bottom soothing you.

"but what if they wasn't? What if my stories are bad- and encourage bad stuff!" you cried tucking yourself into him tighter.

"no-no you repeat after me, fiction is fiction" he said pulling you back wiping your tears waiting for you to say it out loud.

"fic-tion is f-fiction" you repeated

"I did everything I could to warn people"

"I-I did everyth-ing I could to w-warn people" he smiled at you as you drew a huge breath calming yourself down.

"and they are jealous because I'm an adorable, smart, funny kind and caring babygirl who has the cutest little peach butt in the world~" he said smirking at you from above holding you tightly to him pressing a kiss to your head.

"and they- daddy! Noo! I can't say that~" you gasped flushing as you realised what he had said

"oh yes you can because its the truth now come here let daddy bite that peach~" he growled playfully snapping his jaws at you.

"ah-no!" you screeched giggleing as he began tickling you all over wrestling you playfully trying to lean over and bite your but through your shorts.

He landed two solid bite's on your bottom before pulling back. Even though he had cheered you up he could see you were still doubting yourself.

Henry cast a glance to the tablet and smirked forming a plan that might just get you back on track. He was not going to let anyone steal your sparkle.

"come on you you've spent enough time writing go play in the garden with Kal"

Once you left henry got to work swiping up the tablet and going on your one drive seeing the meticulously organized notebooks, recognising a few by name.

A few weeks later Henry came in to the living room with a medium size box and plopped it on the sofa next to you.

"here we go nugget!" he said placing the gift next to you, they couldn't have come quickly enough, he had noticed you hadn't been writing at all, which upset him because he knew how much you loved it.

"what's that daddy?" you asked peering over the box not expecting any gifts.

"why don't you open it and find out?" he said sitting the other side of the box handing you a pair of scissors to slice the tape.

You moved slowly cutting it open and pulled the box open then froze.

"d-daddy? What thats my..." you trailed off pulling out the hard back books your banner on the front cover.

"your stories? Yes poppet, I realised that you were putting so much work into these things but could loose them, they are soo good that daddy wanted to read them over and over and now we can!" he said pleased with himself as you sat there shocked looking at the small collection of a5 books.

"but their- i dont..." you said happy but completely shocked, flicking through the pages, there were even a few comments in the margins from henry pointing out the pits he liked making your heart swell with pride.

Henry moved to stand behind you pressing a kiss to your hair.

"They are brilliant! So good I'm so proud of every thing you have achieved and I want them on our book shelf, in the living room" he said making you tear up.

"Really? You... You think their that good?" you whined eyes blurring with tears as you hugged the first book to your chest.

"absolutely poppet now go on, you do the honours~" he said pressing your shoulder urging you to go to the cube bookshelf.

You tiptoed over to it and slowly pulled out each little custom book with your banner on the front.

You sat down placing each one delicately on the shelf the five books each lining up with one another half filling the empty cube shelf.

"oh no baby look? The shelf isn't full is it? You know what that means" he said standing looking

"I-I've gotta write?" you asked sniffling weeping softly but this time because you were happy.

"exactly! You need to fill the whole shelf, so you keep up the good work and tell daddy when you finish your next story and we can keep adding to it!" he said cheerfully walking over handing you the tablet.

You smiled to yourself and looked to the books, your books- actual real life books on a shelf!

You grinned throwing yourself at him latching onto him feeling your confidence come back just from seeing how much you had done.

Suddenly the hate didn't matter, your daddy like them enough to make them into real life books! And even annotated them himself?

And if your writing was good enough for your daddy then it was good enough for you.

"daddy, can I have my screen time now, I want to write!!" you said jumping up and down on the spot excited to start your next chapter.

Henry grinned nodding deciding you can have as much screen time today as you wanted as long as it meant you wasn't giving up your new hobby.

[woozi]

*waves* hello… I had a question today, hope you don’t mind :) as someone who makes gifs, what type of like… performance stages do u tend to enjoy the most? bc a few months ago I got bored and started like. going thru svts performances and relentlessly judging the camerawork with my unfounded opinions lol so I was wondering if as a gifmaker u might have a unique perspective of that! like sometimes they have those cameras that will like follow the members (idk the right term) and other times they won’t, and sometimes the lighting is going crazy etc which I assume affects gifmaking… so yeah, I was just wondering! - car crash anon (as an aside, i /think/ I sent u an ask a while ago but also I was really sleep deprived so it may have been my imagination as to whether I actually sent it… im saying this bc I’d like to know if it was a) a real thing I did, which if so… I apologize for my incoherence and b) if it was not real / tumblr ate the ask… I hope I’m not pestering u, it just was. bothering me bc I didn’t have the clearest memory)

(im answering this based on the assumption that we're talking abt stages from shows mubank, emca and the like bc other perfs like the acoustic sessions are a whole different section for me tbh JFDJKDFJK)

ok first of all,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, giffing perf stages is an absolute nightmare but i would do it again and again even if it looks like shit bc they're always soOO fun yet so. fucking. hard. to color and smoothen (esp now that i dont have knlm anymore </3) JKFDJKFJDFJFD

i like it when there's camera movement but these music shows are going thROUGH SO MANY FUCKING HOOPS a lotta the times oh my god. they make stages much more enjoyable to watch when done right tbh. i personally think aespa is the best example of this!! movement makes it so fucking hard to frame gifs though JKDFJFDJK basically high risk high reward if u can pull it off tbh

ALSO YES OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDD, THE LIGHTING,,,,,,,,,,, i mean its necessary for the stage and i absolutely love lights (not when theyre excessively flashing though,,,) but they also make gifmaking so hard,,,, almost 100% of the time u gotta adjust it per gif 😭

but yeah u know by the end of the day we're all just making gifs for free bc we enjoy it so <3 10/10 would suffer for no reason again LMAOOO

also yes, love, omg it was not a fever dream bc i did receive it!! although i cant guarantee this if ever you've sent other ones bc tumblr really does eat up asks and one of my friends have also been sending me some for a while now and i wasnt able to get ANY of them 😭 i just figured out when she sent me a dm oh my fucking god. this website. BUT ALSO SOMETIMES!!! it just takes me a while to reply, teehee. but thank you for being patient with me!! <3 and you are NOT A BOTHER AT ALL OMG 😭😭😭 im sad that you'd even think so </3 i genuinely love talking to u u dont have to worry abt it at all!! <3 i hope you never get shy abt coming to me, i really like seeing u around!! and you've been w me for so long by now </3 ANYWAY!! thank u for dropping by again ily and i hope ur having a great one!!

[thatadorkablegirl]

Since 2019 is coming to an end, I wanted to say a couple things:

So I made this tumblr account wayyy back in 2014 (holy shit that was 5 years ago wtf acndksm)

I actually wanted to delete this account this year since I wasn’t using it anymore. When tumblr added group chats, I wanted to see what the hype was all about.

Who knew that in the gcs I’m in I would’ve never guessed that I would meet such amazing people and that I’m happy to call my friends 🥺 Also going from 3 followers to 63 followers... holy shit (wtf y’all actually like my reposts jkjk anfndjdj)

Beware: I may or may not get sappy with these paragraphs so bear with me 😳👈🏽👉🏽

Here are a few people I wanna shout out:

@sweetchaos-yk NANA I LOVE YOUUU SOOO MUCH LIKE YOU DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND AKFNDNDND you are one of the sweetest people I’ve met in the gcs and I’m so so happy to call you my friend 💕 You’re funny, caring pretty, and you’re always the first one to send an infinite amount of hearts, love to everyone! Plus, your super supportive! I love talking to you and I hope we can talk more and I hope we’ll be friends for a long time. I hope to get to know you more too 💕❤️✨💖💜💗❤️💕💟✨✨💝💖💘💕💞💝✨✨💜💗🥺💖

@chippychee @defsigh FIRST OF ALL, YALL ARE ONE OF THE FUNNIEST PEOPLE I KNOW LIKE HOLY HELL okay so literally I love all of your crackhead nature to the point where I’m literally in tears at home reading messages 😂 also I love the fact that each and both of you guys have such a chill vibe to you that you’re both just loveable people from the get go. Everyone gravitates towards you both because you both have such a positive energy. Also I love how y’all can switch from being ultimate crackheads to being mature individuals too! ily my crazy,lovable boons! Hopefully I’ll get to know both of you a lil bit better in the future and I hope we stay friends too 👁👅👁🤟🏽❤️💛💚💙💓💞🤍💞💘✨💖💝💟❣️💜🤍✨💛❤️🖤

@lucyhasproblems @ethereal-bean MY SMARTY FARTY PANTS BOONS I love how you both are always there to help people who need advice.Like you both are so knowledgeable about almost everything and I’m always in awe when I read through your intellectual convos.I wish I can be like you guys akdnfjd Both of you are such wise individuals with bright futures ahead of you! I know it’s gonna be a long road ahead for you both but I wish nothing but the best in your career paths. I love you both with all my heart and I hope I can get to know you both better and stay friends too 💖💕💜✨💗🤧✨💜💕💚💜💖💜💚💚🤧

@sanownsmyheart BISH YOU ALREADY HEARD WHAT I HAD TO SAY BUT IMMA SAY IT AGAIN AKDNFJDJ Soo first of all I would’ve never guessed that we would be friends the first time we talked tbh but I’m super happy that I got to know you more and I just wanna say that I love you girl and you know if you wanna talk I’m here for you no matter what. Also don’t bring yourself down when things get tough, I know me saying that doesn’t really help much but just remember there’s always someone out there who’ll listen to you 🥺🤧❤️

@hell0stupid @dondielonie1 @wikihoeofgot7 @smoltrashcanfuk MY AHGASE BABES 🤧💚 First I just wanna say I love each and every single one of you even if we don’t know each other that well (feel free to message me or send gifs 🗿 to start a convo with me I don’t mind!) y’all make me soo happy when we’re talking or thirsting over the boys Who knows maybe one day we’ll all go to their concert together 🥺🤟🏽💚✨

And to all my new friends/mutuals I don’t know too well @honeymoon-changb @homeiswhereyoustoreyourlove @qtsoftie @henloimawierdobye @incoherent-piece-of-trash @fandom-queen-aka-trash @yeomjoo @nakamowoto @yeetyouhoes @sakurasangcl @bubbleskwan @chanswish @atinywoozi @aceforeverz @applejwoos @candle-lit-stars @stars-of-the-rainbow @cartier-co @forcing--happiness @gay4nct @iiasha @junhui @jihoonspout @kpopshennanigans @mindofthescattered @nubluko @veckvontour @fandomshavecollided @bbinie (and everyone else that I may have forgotten) I LOVE AND APPRECIATE EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU AND I HOPE I GET TO KNOW YOU GUYS/GALS BETTER 🥺🥺✨❤️💜💚✨💕💗💜✨💕💖✨❤️💜 Even though I may not be as close to any of you yet, I hope I could change that! I’m always open to have a convo so please feel free to dm me, text me, message me, etc. because I want to get to know you better. Don’t feel pressured that you have to message me or anything, do whatever you are the most comfortable with! Also if you need someone to rant/vent to I’m always here for you 😊✨💕💞💕💖✨💜💞💚❤️💘💝💚❤️❤️💖✨✨💞❤️

This year was absolute s h i t especially since this year was the year my depression was getting the best of me and I was very close to not being alive and typing this rn.

But with the help of all of you (both close or not) I want to say I thank each and every single one of you for just being you and being accepting of lil ol me! I appreciate the love and support you all have given me and I’m being serious 🥺🥺🤧🤧

If you think that you can’t help out or support anyone in life think about this you helped one person think about everything else except dying...this gal 🤧❣️ I know 2019 was a hard year for most of us but I hope that 2020 is a better year for not only our mental health but I hope it’s filled with love, positivity, opportunities, good vibes, and also seeing through the negative energy and bullshit that people may say or do as well.

I LOVE YOU ALL AND I HOPE EVERYBODY HAS AN AMAZING AND PROSPEROUS 2020 💙💗💚💓🧡💞💘💛💕❣️💓💗💝💟💕💝💞❣️💟💟💛💘💘💚💙💗💜❣️💕💕💟💗💓💕🤍🖤💟❤️💛💝💙💗💛💗🖤🤍💝💖💕💓❤️💛💚💚🤍💜💜💕💓💓💕💕❣️💜🖤🧡💚💚🤍💓💞💝💖❣️💞🖤🤍🤍🖤🤍💞💚💚🖤🖤💛💝❣️💓💞🧡💟💟✨✨💟💘🧡💓💓❣️✨💓💞💜💓✨💟💟💞❤️💖💜✨💜💓❣️✨💟💟✨✨✨💖💖❤️💝💕💟🖤🤍💙🤍💓🖤💕❣️💘✨💖❤️💝💚💜❤️💖❣️💘💓🤍💛💙✨💜💜💝💝💕❣️💘💛💓🖤🤍💛💟💞💝💘❣️✨💖❤️💜💞💚💞💝💞❤️💞❣️❣️✨💟💟💟✨💜💖💗💗

[reylo-love-theme]

Post TROS Meltdown

Disclaimer: these are my personal feelings for the series and may not reflect your opinions. I just need a space to say them. Thank you.

I went into TROS completely blind and with no doubt that Ben would live (due to reading hundreds of fan analyses and predictions based off TLJ and TFA) and I have to say I'm emotionally unsalvagable. Anticipation for this movie got me through the roughest year of my entire life and this heartbreak and loss is what I'm supposed to end off on?

Like the entire movie came out of the left field and body slammed me into the ground.

They did so many fake deaths that I stayed waiting long into the credits for Ben to come back.

I kept hoping for an final scene...

COME ON EVERYONE and I MEAN EVERY mainish or even side character GETS a HAPPY ENDING EXCEPT THE TWO PEOPLE THAT NEEDED IT THE MOST. THE PROTAGONISTS.

What is supposed to be the moral of the story here.

Star wars is a space fairytail about HOPE and LOVE. IT was supposed to be reverse anidala!!! THE BIG THING ABOUT THAT SHIP WAS THAT IT WAS A TRAGEDY.

THE MOST SIGNIFICANT IMPACTFUL REVERSE IS TO GIVE LOVE AN HAPPY ENDING.

DO YOU SEE THE HOPE IN MY LITTLE EYES. DO YOU?!? *incoherent sobbing*

(Please don't read if you are just going to counter it in the comments. This is solely a personal opinion meltdown and not an attack on anyone or anything. I'm not a words smith and this might come out like senseless rambling but this is a meltdown post hahaha *cries* )

The cinematics and the fighting choreography were incredible. But I went to see the HEART of SW. I went solely to see that happy reylo ending.

Don't even get me started on what they did with Rey (the whole point of her arc was that a nobody can still be stand tall, love, and be a hero)

And Kylo/Ben (can redemption is rewarded with non-death for once?!?) It wasn't even a necessary death! He didn't have to die saving Rey!! They didn't even get like 5 minutes together without fighting?!? Like TLJ set it up perfectly! (Ben defeats Palp with Rey's help and Rey is by his side as he turns back to the light)(How come she called him Ren the entire time until the last scene?! Wasn't she the one who believed most in him?!?). His death had little impact on the audience!! Because there was no previous set up of romance!! There wasn't even happy moments like anidala or hanleia had... There was just...an end in death.

And it wasn't even mourned properly. We only see Rey grieve for all of 2 seconds?

The kiss scene was amazing! The way Ben crawled back to his love was so emotionally powerful! HIS EYES WERE IN SUCH PAIN. Rey grinned! He GRINNED BACK! THEY KISS! HE DIES!! How come no one cared about him afterwards?!? Why is Rey just being like "eh alright thats cool dude".( in the theatre I was so ticked off when someone laughed when he was legit trying to crawl back with broken ribs and a leg) I think it came out so left field for the people who weren't reylo! There was like barely hints that they loved loved each other. (Literally Poe and that girl had more romantic time together!)

Or there were hints on Kylo's side but NOT ENOUGH ON REYs. She juat attacked him and attacked him for the whole movie. (Yes I get that she was "struggling with the dark side" or whatever but Kylo was struggling too and he physically never hurt Rey (beyond unintentionally emotionally)) it made me question if Rey even loved him anymore and that was a huge blow. I couldn't sense this girl at all. Like I thought her tears were for Leia and Not BEN who she Literally Just stabbed. That was how shocked cold I was.

(WHY WAsnt he allowed to "love" rey from the begining of TROS instead of just going back to TFA Style KYlo) (It felt so forced and awkward from how he was in TLJ, I kept feeling like Adam tried to salvage it but he had so few lines it was sooo hard (he did a great job with showing his love and redemption of Ben even with the lack of lines though))

NOW HERE IS WHERE IM TRUELY MAD.

What message am I supposed to take away from their love story?

That broken characters do not deserve love? That trying to change results ultimately in death? That you can only been redeemed in death? That your family is willing to help a random member from their enemies bloodline but not their own kid who still loves them very much he literally dropped his saber when his mom died and gets stabbed and he still turns back because of his dad's last words even though he's been mistreated and neglected by his family and manipulated and abused by palp! What was the point of Leia putting down her lightsaber if not to save her son's life?!? Not end it by letting Rey pick it up?!?

Its 2019! Stop making redeemed villains die because you are too cowardly to give them the hard recovery journey afterwards!

As an abuse victim I related personally to his character and I felt cheated because of how cheap his death was treated. The message I had hoped to take away from this work was that it's not too late to save yourself! You get to decide who you want to be, not destiny, not family, not a skywalker curse! You can change your life! Recover from your abuse and heal your damaged heart. Find your found family in someone who believes in you and loves you even when you are flawed. Your bloodline is irrelevant to how you are. You don't have to pay the price for your family's crimes because you are not an extension of your family's will. You are your own person. Keep your love even in dark times because your heart will save you. (Wasnt that the whole point?! Ben solo had a heart! HE HAD A BIG HEART. That was the cause of the whole internal conflict!?? What does it mean that his love for rey killed him(I dont care that its symbolic or whatever, he still died. Thats not a good ending because he literally wasn't shown with his family or even with Rey, he just disappeared ?!?)

Like okay maybe there is a "tenth movie" or book to revive him. Like the openness of the movie leaves that space. But it was a hurtful move because no one would expect that since the trilogy has ended. Everyone fully expected a happy ending to wrap up NINE MOVIES OF TRAGIC LOVE. I mean I'm all for redeemed Ben solo and I'm so glad they at least gave him that and Rey's kiss. I'm only going to rewatch those parts from now on. For me the movie ended when he smiled.