#this goes out to as i lay dying first and foremost

[realbacchus]

Hey it's summer which means I can once again only read books I own that I absolutely cannot stand and have taken years to finish!

[noxturnalmoth]

What Could Have Been

Silco, the Eye of Zaun, the Industrialist, was first and foremost a son of Zaun who wanted his motherland free. After an altercation in which his adopted daughter shot him in a fit of rage, he is left dying while the world goes on without him. His life's work and ideals soon trampled to nothing as his memory fades from the world. But what if he was saved?

Chapter 1: Alive

Panting, lungs on fire as if someone had poured gas and lit a match, legs pained as if you had walked through bear straps, back hunched as your arms, screaming and groaning in intense pain, you carried the unconscious man.

You were alive, but he was very well on his way to greet Kindred at the doors to the afterlife.

He was not a heavy man by any means, he was lithe, but he was cumbersome, as if he carried more weight than what could be seen, and from what you knew of him, he did. As your exhausted body rushed through the stabbing pain, jumping from rooftop to rooftop as you made your way down to your home, you still took breaks to check his pulse. Everytime it got fainter, but everytime he was still alive despite it all. So you pushed forwards, through agonizing pain as you cut through the lively streets of Zaun, no one paying any mind to a girl holding a man in her arms while she rushed above the roofs. Perhaps it was the first and only time of your life you've been grateful for Zaun's misfortune, no one would question you and that was good enough for you to push forward.

Your home was nothing great, an appartment at the top of a building at the limit between the Entresol and the Sump in a quaint square, it was safe, calm, the people were kind and the Chem Barons' influence didn't matter to such a small community. A hole in the wall, almost as if blessed by Janna herself. But as you entered the building, kicking the door open, the calm subsided.

"Are you okay?" Asked the worried voice of the landlord's son, Jarren, his sweet brown eyes looking at you panicked. "I'm alive, run upstairs and open my door for me please kid, because he won't be for long." He nods, his small body taking on the stairs two by two, speeding to the top as you did the same, your ankle twisting as you landed badly on a step but you pushed forward, determination fuelling your body like coal and vapor fuelled Piltover's machines. At the top your apartment was open, Jarren sitting at the small dining table as his knee bounced in worry. Scared your adrenalin would run out soon you hurried up the stairs to the mezzanine where your room was, curtains acting as both walls and door while you rush into them, too panicked to properly open the fabric as you lay the dying man in your arms on the comfort of your bed. "Is that..." I hear a whisper as I take the man's pulse again, for a second you freeze believing him dead, but you felt it, a weak pump of blood beneath your finger, a soft breath on your cheek; he was still hanging on. And so would you. "No matter who he is, he's a Zaunite and he's dying, and I'll be damned if he dies in my arms. Get me my kit Jarren." You turn to him, panting voice strained from thirst and exhaustion while you reach for the desk chair, sitting near the person you've saved, or at least were actively trying to.

Silco, the Industrialist, the Eye of Zaun. A man who, in a decade gained much more power than anyone ever had in Zaun other than Vander. A man of great contradiction, flooding the streets with drugs yet protecting those under his hand from any evil done by the other Chem Barons. Ruling with an iron fist, imposing his violence and control over the entire city, yet fending for it by slowly and intelligently gaining on Piltover's enforcers. Some deemed him a traitor, a monster, some deemed him a hero. But in the world there was no dark black or pure white, there were though, millions of shades of gray, dirty and mixed, a contradiction to themselves. You didn't know him personally, and you doubt that anyone really did, but you still didn't want to judge whatever was said by whomever on the streets. He had once been a revolutionary, fighting for Zaun, and in your mind you wagered that he still was in a way. What changed him so drastically from a bright eyed boy to a bitter comandeering man, you didn't know. Nor did you want to, especially at the moment.

All you knew was that he was a Zaunite, and that he was dying. And that was enough for you to want to do anything in your power to save him.

When Jarren came back with a chest, big enough to cover the upper half of his body, he set it next to Silco on the bed shakily watching the bleeding man tainting your sheets red. Then you, your upper body stained with oxydizing blood, crusting at the edges, the ruby red becoming a burnt umber. "Go Jarren, and please don't tell your folks? I'll deal with that myself, so you can rest easy." You kiss his forehead and send him on his way, hearing the door click downstairs, you then begin working on the older man laying before me. Trying to undo his vest clasp by clasp, which were very inconvenient when trying to save him so you just cut through them preferring his wrath over ruined clothing over a dead man, and opened his shirt throwing it on the ground as it was ruined, bullets having ripped about a handful of holes through the delicate fabric. You turn the man over, checking if any bullets had come out, a couple had, but that meant you had to remove a few yourself. "Shit." You mutter roughly to yourself, picking tweezers, a needle, a spool of suture wire, alcohol and leaning over Silco, and after shakily passing the wire through the eye of the needle you cleaned and closed the wounds which held no bullets. Then came the most harrowing moment, picking up the tweezers and cleaning up the wounds you search for the bullets remaining in the man's abdomen, checking on his disappearing pulse as you go. Pulling out one, two, three, four bullets. And after wiping out your sweat with an arm, of which the strength was waning, you pushed yourself further, suturing the body, praying for it to not grow any colder as you quickly put ointment on the freshly stitched wounds and dress them. He had lost too much blood, and before you pumped air in his lungs you had to make sure he had enough. So, weakly you grab a tube, a needle on each extremity connecting you with a pinch as your blood transfused to him, your fist clenched and a newly tied elastic band around your bicep.

After what seemed an eternity of providing blood and checking his pulse, which had thankfully stabilized, you decide to help him breathe deeper, the last step to what you hoped and prayed was a successful endeavor. "Forgive me." Is muttered as you take away the tube and elastic, getting closer to his face and angling his head backwards with a careful and soft grip, placing your lips upon his and breathing out in his lungs as hard as you could to get oxygen back into his declining body. Switching to cardiac massage after a while, pumping his chest with two strong cupped hands, before going back to breathing out, and so on so forth in a morbid dance. His lungs expanding as yours deflated, your warm hands pushing against his frigid chest.

You had kissed death, and he felt cold.

But as cold and pale as as he was, a soft flush of pink came back to his skin, warmth returned as his blood pumped once more through his heart and veins, no longer the soft pulsing of an half empty body but the thrum of a survivor's. Tears of relief escape your eyes as, when you go give him oxygen one last time, his breath fans your face, an almost imperceptible breeze no more. And then came rushing all the feelings you had locked away during your mission, tears fashing your grimy face and replacing soot by salt, heart beating madly like a derailing train, your blood too hot for your body like bubbling lava right beneath the crust of Runeterra. Skin not quite feeling like your own as you try to claw it, at your arms and chest to rid yourself of his blood and so that the pain forces you to snap back to reality. Your lungs gulping air voraciously as if you had been drowning, and in a way you had been, under the weight of someone's near death. Under the weight of The Eye of Zaun's mere existance within your microcosm. And as you shuddered, choking out sobs that you were trying to quiet behind gritted teeth, you felt the rise of his chest as he took a large breath, and another. As if it was guiding you to do the same.

So you did.

In, hold and out.

In, hold and out.

The blood and sweat covering you, both your own and his, felt stickier now, your skin hotter, but your vision was clearing and your sobs stopped piercing through your chest like lances. He was alive, you had saved him and you were alive as well. No matter what else would happen, you'd deal with that in due time. Today you had saved someone, and you were proud of it. The demons of your mind taking steps back as this warm and bright flickering flame gained on them, calming their hissing and screaming for a moment as you caressed Silco's forehead, feeling the fever coming as you raked the few stands of hair that fell on his forehead back into the slick back crowning him with silver and obsidian. It was well into the night, but still only the beginning of it all, so with a deep breath you get up from the chair, immediately falling back at the pain in your left ankle. The adrenalin had completely suppressed your pain for the time you were actively trying to maintain Silco alive while he couldn't do so himself, but now that most of the pressure had gone, so had the one thing keeping you from being distracted. And so, groaning while your ankle felt like the clawed hands of the damned were dragging it to hell, you lifted your foot up bandaging it to the best of your ability while hissing, tying it hard so keep it nice and safe.

Walking back downstairs was painful, long and chronovore, especially when you came back, a basin full of cool water and a rag held tightly in your arms as you waddled back up. Now, was a twisted ankle the worse you had? Not by far, not in the fissures and especially not for someone like you. It didn't mean that you felt any better about the scalding flashes of pain burning your foot alive every time you set it to the ground though. But no matter when you have a man to take care of, man who was the most notorious person in the lanes and who almost died in your arms. And while his face had a frigid, pained frown, tight jaw and a deeply set furrow in his brows before, what you saw now as you entered back into your room through the curtains was akin to a child falling back asleep into their parents' arms after a nightmare. The storm had passed, even his body knew that, but now was going to be a different kind of conundrum. Unlike the fast paced, angry and tumultuous waters that you were sailing as you inched his body away from death little by little, now you'd have to face dead calm. No wind to push your sails, no waves to rock your boat, no cloud to paint abstract shapes in the canvas of the sky. You'd be at a standstill, fighting off his fever and protecting his body while he healed enough to gain back conciousness. And so after placing the cold wet rag on his forehead you pulled another couple of blankets, placing them on top of his frail form after wiping his body a little bit of the blood and sweat, focusing on his feet and upper body as you wished for him to keep as much of his privacy and decency. They were all he had left after all.

The world was unmoving and Zaun was cruel, not by its own fault at first, the separation from its sister Piltover by her elites having created disparity and a life of slavery at the hands and under the feet of comfortable Piltovans. The Undercity had to move fast to keep up with its sister's demands, and while many were just exhausted hard working folks, many also turned to depravity and horrible methods to get whatever they felt entitled to have. After all, if no one in Runeterra cares about you, would you be seen any more wrong if you did whatever it was you wanted? And so, through the fast paced life riddled with death, exhaustion and people fending for themselves as well as people taking it all, the trenchers had more than enough on their plates. Even if someone as infamous as Silco were to die, not much would change unless someone ambitious and powerful enough entered the game. The Eye of Zaun, as soon as his heartbeat started to fade, was already doomed to be forgotten, nothing more than old news as the new status quo was left at the hands of miscreants that had it all yet again. Just another day down in the Undercity, where everyone is but a chunk of coal getting burnt through by their neighbor or by the gilded Piltovan "Progress", while you are left in the soot and chemicals.

Deciding to stay up until he showed any sign of waking, you sighed as you slowly made your way back down, preparing a pot of strong tea and a quick meal to take upstairs on a metal tray. The cold wood of the floorboards groaning as you make your way back up and the clinking of the tray on your desk clashing with your sigh of relief when you sit down for good, drinking your tea and eating as you stared absentmindedly at the wall in exhaustion. While the physical exhaustion was something you were used to as a blacksmith, the mental exhaustion, albeit not new either, was catching up to you. The events of the night overwhelming you, filling you with dread at what would happen next, at how Silco would react towards you or towards his situation as a whole. You didn't know all that happened, but what you heard was enough, he was crumpled on a high chair when you stepped out of the shadows.

You were trying to find your way to a Chem Baron meeting to listen in, your own plans of revolution like a flame stoked by despicable Zaunites and elistist Piltovans alike as you fought off your own secret war. You made your way to a building to take cover as you waited for the meeting to take place a few hours from then, in a building right next to it. Stopping your nonchalant trek into the empty place as you hid in the shadows, having heard a girl, presumably Silco's daughter, have an episode while her sister, a young adult named "Vi" it seems, was trying to reason with her. Silco sounded desperate, fearful, and angry, and while you knew the last one as something that could be a normal feeling from him, desperation and fear were far from what you expected in the man. A woman with a high Piltovan accent named "Cait", apparently the sister's friend, tried to reason with her zaunite companion, telling her that "Powder" was gone and they needed to end "Jinx". The last name you knew at the very least. But after a lot of arguing, the younger girl entered a state of frenzy, as if she was hearing much more than any of us in her fractured mind, and a fast and heavy noise was heard. A machine gun. After that, listening was a blur up until the girls had left and all you had in mind was saving whoever got shot, which just so happened to be the most powerful man in all of Zaun.

Hours pass while you're at his bedside, food eaten, tea drunk and eyes heavy but still holding on. Two days without sleep and this would be your third, but you couldn't falter, you had to take care of Silco and you would no matter what. No matter if you were sweaty and bloody, no matter if everytime you went to prepare a snack and tea your foot would scream at you, nothing mattered but this singular thing. Making sure that the man in your bed was safe and sound. Any shift in his expression or breathing were known and taken care of, more blankets, another wet rag, a check of his pulse, redressing his wounds and then wait. Again and again, for days, you give your all taking care of Silco. No rest, enough strong tea to kill a Noxian warrior, enough food to keep your energy levels as much as a sleep deprived metal worker can were how you spent your days; refusing to spend more than five minutes away from him. You were dirty and the stench of caked blood on you was horrible enough that you threw that shirt away and replaced it with a cleaner one from your wardrobe, using the cold water basin and a second rag to provide yourself with the smallest bit of hygene.

After eight days without sleep, and six days of caring for Silco, you gave out, body leaning forward from its position on your chair and leaning your chest on your bed, head on the mattress as your arms cradled it, hair spilling like an inverted halo as sleep forcefully took you. Usual nightmares trapped your mind, although your exhaustion was such that you couldn't wake up from them, forced to live and re-live through them like you were a puppet, manipulated by invisible strings as you were shackled within your own head. A gasp waking you up with a start and making you fall backwards from your chair as a younger you punched a man through his chest, gripping his heart and squeezing it as cheers were heard all around. Groaning, you drag your weak body to the bed, sitting yourself on the edge of it slowly while minding the pulsating pain in your overstrained ankle. Your elbows settle against the tops of your knees as your head burrows itself in your hands, gripping at the tendrils of hair as you try to swallow your shivers. Eyes closing to forget, then reopening at the visions of horror engraved beneath your eyelids. Ears filled with remnants of noise as your room rings with ghost filled silence. And as you take one last steadying breath running your hands down your face to wipe away at the last of your nightmare your airways are blocked, a wet rag wrung tight around your windpipe.

"You have five seconds to explain what happened before I snap your neck."

m.list || next

[girlokwhatever]

Helloooo, so I’ve a request, I’ve had the most horrible Paige Bueckers brain-rot and I just can’t stop thinking about Paige with an ice-hockey player gf, and as a hockey player myself I’m dying only thinking about her coming to reader’s games and being all soft and caring when she comes home with bruises and cuts, things of the sort, omg I’m so in love

ask and you shall receive

paige bueckers x hockey player!gf hcs

༘⋆🌷🫧🏒₊˚ෆ⊹ ࣪ ˖ paige with a hockey player gf,,

— first and foremost, she goes to watch every possible game whenever she can

— brags to all her friends about you being a D1 hockey star

- “my girlfriend is literally the highest ranked hockey player in the state”

— she’s always so scared that you’ll get hurt or get cut on the bottom of someone’s skate

- one time you got pushed and fell really hard on the ice. it left a massive bruise and she spent two whole weeks putting ache relief gel on it (unnecessary but she’s determined)

— out of her seat and screaming the second someone lays their hand or stick on you because wtf….?!

- she’s gotta protect her girl

— the first time she watched she didn’t know any of the rules

- she’d shout “set a screen” or some shit and everyone’s like…. what???

— she’ll try to argue with the refs after the game if they made a bad call

- will lowkey follow one to the bathroom or something just to complain

— you taught her everything she knows and now she’s a dedicated hockey fan

— literally watched it on her own time so she could learn faster and impress you

- “that backchecking you did was absolutely nasty”

- “how do you know what that is?”

— will steal your helmet and put it on or hide it from you

— during basketball season she can’t be there as much for practices and stuff but she’s so concerned if you come back with a cut or something

- insists you lay down so she can bandage you (literally puts on aquaphor and a bandaid) but she’s so sweet and caring about it

— you tried to teach her how to ice skate but… it failed dramatically

— she has so much respect for you cause she knows its so hard

— cheers for you so loud (and she brings all her friends to cheer with her)

— makes you posters but they’re kinda silly and stupid (she’s getting there guys)

— you convinced your coach to let her sit with the team during games if she’s alone

— the team LOVVESSS her guys i’m not even joking

— one time she bought a post-game meal for the whole team (nil paycheck don’t play)

— you like to smother her with your legs cause you know they’re strong (wink wink)

— became friends with the moms of everyone on the team (she’s one of them now fr)

— takes pictures and videos when you score or make a good play (proud gf)

— picks you up from practice and always asks how it went

— trust she’s got a shirt with your last name and jersey number on it

— “so do you ever get, like, cold out there?”

- “paige.”

+*:ꔫ:*﹤𖡎•·.·''·.·•⍣ ೋ𐦍༘⋆

this request was cute!! i had fun with it

also,,, PT.2 for “nice surprise” is either coming tonight or tomorrow so be on the lookout 😘😘

[generalluxun]

Who do you think is more fitting to be “Creator’s Pet” of the show: Astruc’s virtual daughter Marinette or perfect and flawless Adrien?

Okay, before I start- I don't like the term creator's pet, it tends to suggest currying favor on the 'pet' part, and obviously Marinette or Adrien can't do that.

Perhaps 'favorite'? and let me lay some ground rules.

This is not character salt! Nothing here should be used to deride the characters. This is about the narrative woven with/around them. This is examining the external biases at play.

We must recognize that Marinette is the PoV character for the show. That is value-neutral. We can't hold screen time as evidence.

That said let's tackle Adrien being 'perfect' first. I know the show and creator use that word a lot but it is very clear in the show that ... He's not. He makes mistakes, he gets *called out* for his mistakes, he gets upset, he apologizes. He's not perfect.

So, why/how/what is the purpose of the perfect mantra in the show? It's because Adrien is a *trophy*. He was Gabriel's trophy, and now he's Marinette's. A trophy must be 'perfect', or how can it be a trophy? He makes no demands(his flirting as Cat Noir was shown as him being wrong and he corrected his behavior to be more perfect), he gives everything, he carries emotional baggage and costs nothing.

All of his perfection benefits *other people* in the narrative, not himself. Does that sound like a favorite? No it sounds like something you *give* to your favorite.

Because yes, I do believe Marinette suffers from an above-average attachment by her creator(and some fans) I say suffers from because I think it hurts her as a character. Superficially it seems to her benefit, but below the surface it's empty calories.

Marinette makes mistakes too, but they are always framed as best intentions. At the end of any disagreement she is the one in the right. Her pain is always the focus/valid one in any situation. S5 amped this up to the point I call it 'Poor Mari' when it happens. Any emotional situation must make you sympathize with Marinette first and often only. It doesn't matter what or who is involved. The entire Agreste Arc has been summed up by the emotional impact *Adrien's family being the villains and his father dying* have on *Marinette* not Adrien. Marinette gets the sympathy for someone else's crisis. How weird is that? It's not even that she did anything wrong (before the lie) but no one else seems to be allowed to experience more emotion than she does, no matter the situation.

That is a strange choice and one that hurts the narrative and her character. (As they find new/more/repeat ways to put her in emotional turmoil to keep her always center all the time)

As an example from before S5, we can look at how Luka/Kagami were handled. It's two parallel situations, handled at the same time. How they're handled gives the insight you are asking for.

Marinette's struggle is the first an foremost thing in Truth. Luka is the sweetest bean, and even when he's akumatized it is all about her pain the end and her having to break up with him. He's upset but he never blames her, never corrects her. After the breakup he is still completely supportive and always there. He works to find her happiness, even though he openly admits to still being in love with her. Marinette is handled gently and put on a pedestal.

Meanwhile, Lies focuses more on Kagami and her efforts to connect with Adrien who is pining for Ladybug( just as Marinette is pining for Adrien) She gets mad at him. She breaks up with him. She holds him accountable for his behavior. She gets over him. When she finally joins team Adrienette it is for *Marinette's* sake, not Adrien's. (MP72)

So yes, Marinette is favored heavily, beyond simply 'the main character' she is the center of this world physically and emotionally in a way that is only more noticable as time goes on.

Oh- and another easy metric: How many people have said Marinette is the best Ladybug ever vs. has anyone ever given Cat Noir the time of day except Ladybug when she felt bad about leaving him out of the loop?

[baliisarda]

In defense of The Marriage of Figaro's sequel : The Guilty Mother

(If there are any typos... no there weren't.)

Ten years - it has been ten years. 😭 I have spent ten years doting on Beaumarchais' trilogy, cherishing and nurturing this great special interest of mine. In doing so, I have often re-read the composing plays of this trilogy (so often in fact I have lost count... it would have been difficult to do so in the span of ten years anyways)...

And I have found myself to appreciate, for what it is, the final (and perhaps slightly infamous) play of the trilogy : The Guilty Mother.

To start off clear, I wish to say first and foremost I do agree The Guilty Mother is terribly out of place when put next to its prequels. Being the sole drama out of three plays, the others being comedies, this third play can absolutely be considered as the edgy younger sibling of the bunch... However, as estranged from its prequels as it may be, I find charm and a certain logic to it.

(A [as short as can be] synopsis of The Guilty Mother : The narrative unfolds twenty years after The Marriage of Figaro. The plot centers on past events wherein the Countess Rosine Almaviva and Chérubin have had, at some point between the second and third play, an affair, during the Count’s prolonged absence on business. When the Countess admonished Chérubin for their indiscretion and resolved never to see him again after giving birth to their son, he departed for war, where he sought and found death [to put it bluntly he killed himself as he could not bear to never see his love again, how NICE ♡]. As he lay dying, he wrote this awfully sad, final letter to the Countess, confessing his love and regret, and detailing their liaison. Unable to discard the letter, the Countess secured it in a special box with a hidden compartment, crafted by an Irishman named Bégearss, to conceal the evidence from the Count.

Over the years, the Count harbored suspicions about the paternity of Léon, the Countess's son. Driven by these doubts, he has been squandering his wealth to ensure Léon inherits nothing, even renouncing his title and relocating the family to Paris. Yet, his uncertainty has prevented him from formally disowning the boy or confronting the Countess. Concurrently, the Count has an illegitimate daughter, Florestine, whom Bégearss seeks to marry [because of course]. To secure Florestine as the Count’s sole heir, Bégearss begins to exploit the Countess’s secret. Figaro and Suzanne, still married, must once again intervene to protect the Count and Countess, and their illegitimate children Léon and Florestine, who harbor a secret love for one another.)

To me, the plot, though drastically different from what was previously expected of this trilogy, works... though it is not grandiosly written [and at times a very meek plotline], it possesses both charm and logic.

Logic, as it was never meant to be between Chérubin and Rosine (and it truly does pain me to say this as I am a Chérubin/Rosine truther to the grave, and generally I simply wish for these two characters' happiness with great fervour)... as sweet as what might have and could have been between the two young people, the awful laws of reality cannot really bend too much for them. 😭 It was bound for their affair to end one way or another (that was sort of mean for Beaumarchais to kill off poor Chérubin but alright.), as goes the struggle of fairly much any character in a drama : they may try to fight against Fate itself, but ultimately it is a pointless battle. (I HATE BEAUMARCHAIS SO MUCH I HATE EVERYTHING I'M CANCELING MY AUTISM SUBSCRIPTION)

I also think it explores wonderfully how affected by her (frankly abusive 🙁) marriage Rosine has become over the years, and how guilt-ridden she is — she has lost herself in her many wounds of the heart, eternally basking in her misery, and to me it really seems her mental decline has been beautifully handled and more seriously explored, especially in sc. XIII, Act III (in which she has this awful mental breakdown and is fully convinced Chérubin is sending her some sort of divine message for her to join him in death, and wholly believing she is going to die as she says those words... oh she is NOT doing well).

Charm, as I think the characters themselves (except for the Count - because of course, and because of Bégearss - I just cannot truly convince myself to like him, even as an antagonist I think there's far too little time for us to get to know him 😭) are all more or less charming! I find both Léon and Florestine to be interesting, but as I just said, I think there was too little time for us to truly get to know them and therefore get too attached to them... which is a shame, because now, to me, they just seem to serve as a parallel/alternate version to Rosine and Chérubin instead of actually being anything beyond this.

...But as somewhat shallow as Léon and Florestine can at times be, I find the parallel between them and Chérubin and Rosine to be absolutely brilliant - Léon is the more obvious parallel of the two : he quite resembles his father. First, as they share a name (Chérubin's government name being Chérubin Léon d'Astorga - his second name being his son's was his dying wish to Rosine, wish which she granted) : which is... quite telling, but also in how idealistic and sensitive he can at times be. As for Florestine, it is a bit more subtle (though that is arguable) : her name resembles Rosine's (both names' meaning is about flowers, and sound quite similar too as they both end in -ine) - she carries herself and acts very similar to her (I would argue she acts moreso like her in the Barber of Seville rather than in the later plays) - an old man (Bégearss) attempting to set apart her and her lover to marry Florestine himself (sounds awfully similar to a certain plotline, does it not...? - though here it obviously does reflect more the Countess/Count dynamic, but I am simply trying to say how similar she is to Rosine : I am not attempting to draw any relationship parallels here specifically 🙇🏻‍♀️)

With these two being so similar to Rosine and Chérubin, I feel as if through their love (...also, what was the fake incest twist about - I know it's Beaumarchais, but come on) and granted wedding, it is as if we get a glimpse of what Chérubin and the Countess could have been under different circumstances - or for that matter, how they could have been while they had an affair... It's so bittersweet, but at the same time, it is as if Rosine finds solace and acceptance in her grief knowing Florestine and Léon get to marry. 🥹

Overall, I think it is a rather important piece in the Figaro canon, though fairly objectively not as well-written (I audibly sighed upon the Count and the Countess not getting a divorce even by the end of the play, for the love of God, please let the poor woman break free from the cycle of abuse already) and frankly out-of-place : to enjoy it, I think it is necessary to not get your standards too high upon deciding to read/watch it... appreciate it for what it is, and just... sigh in despair at the what is not very good. 😭

Now - Departing a bit from the original subject, there is one example of foreshadowing in a stage production of Le Nozze di Figaro I would like to show you all (it is in fact my favourite stage production, I think everyone fits their role perfectly, and the staging is sooo good!)

One thing I do not particularily enjoy is how some productions disregard The Guilty Mother either in 1.making Chérubin and the Countess not interact at all in the finale (-> in the last scene, play-wise, they actually do interact and Rosine even gives to Chérubin her ribbon, THE ribbon, hinting at something after the play...) 2.clumsily attempting to hint at the Guilty Mother by making Chérubin's attempts at seducing Rosine completely fail (...ultimately they do fail : I mean, the poor boy DIES because of his love for her - but at some point his feelings have to be reciprocated for Léon to exist...) - But there is a production... somewhere out there, that subtly hints at The Guilty Mother in a way that doesn't leave Chérubin absolutely loveless (consdering what happens next in the Figaro canon, he is quite in luck so far actually 😭) : and that production is the Royal College of Music's 2018 production of Le Nozze di Figaro (stage directing was done by Sir Thomas Allen himself!).

(-> Chérubin wanting to intervene between the Count and the Countess making up - Antonio physically restrains him from doing so - Chérubin shakes off his arm and just glances miserably at Rosine 😭)

...Now this might seem like either a very on-the-nose, confused wink at The Guilty Mother, or a direction which I have stated I do not like much, which is the unrequited love route (which just contradicts the Figaro canon even if not taking account of The Guilty Mother - they both already got feelings for eachother in The Marriage of Figaro!)

But we are only half-way through the finale - as soon as the music hits the allegro assai "Questo Giorno di tormenti, di capricci e di follia", the acting goes along with the tempo and actually picks up in vivacity and joy WHICH IS EVERYTHING I EVER NEEDED (I am absolutely losing my cool over there sorry)

I love the subtleness of it - it's only about a few seconds, but sets the tone right for the end of the opera which is just perfect. 🤭 And to me, a sensible and great approach when it comes to referencing The Guilty mother.

TL;DR : The Guilty Mother is so bad it's kind of loveable. (it does have its enjoyable quirks though)

[dulcewrites]

I’m dying for more of the Fools such in au. Do you have any more ideas/ thoughts you wanted to share about it? What was the moment Aemond realized he and Myrah might actually be happy together and vise versa?

Yes, I do have more thoughts! Thank you for asking First and foremost, I just recommend watching the movie (fools rush in) for anyone who hasn’t seen it. Not even just for this, mainly bc it’s one of my favs and I think others should watch if they haven’t 💀

Anyway onto the thoughts. I’m gonna try to do like a mini timeline of events I could see happening and hopefully that answers some things

Myrah and Aemond meet at a restaurant owned by Myrah’s aunt. In this cute little town right outside the city (where Aemond lives)

They instantly hit it off ofc, go back to Aemond’s hotel…. Baelor is conceived 😊. Myrah books it out of there in the morning before Aemond even wakes up

They go about their business for weeks till Myrah starts feeling tired a lot, and even feeling a bit sick. So she goes to the doctor. The checkup is going pretty normal till her doctor is suddenly like ‘congrats mama 🤭’ and myrah is just like ??? 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

Myrah goes back and forth between even telling anyone and just getting an abortion is secret. But she breaks down one day to her mom bc she scared. Her parents are pretty traditional so ngl it does hurt their soul a bit that their young daughter is pregnant and won’t even tell them who the father is. Her aunt (who owns the restaurant) is like 👀 but also is like ‘girl if you want this baby dead I’ll drive you’

In the end, myrah ends up deciding to keep the baby. Then makes the decision to tell Aemond. Not bc she wants anything but more for him to know. She doesn’t want some guy showing up in 10 years like hmmm is that my kid. But she is nervous bc she knows how this looks. She knew very little about Aemond, or his family. But it takes one google search and she’s like ‘ofc he’s from one of those families’. She comes from a working class background. She can only imagine what his family would think about her

So, she shows up at [insert work place for Aemond I haven’t decided on]. Not super appropriate but she kind of has no other way to reach him.

He is confused to see her. She asks if they can get lunch, mainly bc she wants to tell him in front of people so he doesn’t act up lmao

Anyway he takes it… not great. He excused himself to go scream in the bathroom 😭. But when he comes back myrah reassures him she doesn’t want anything. This was a curtesy thing, and that she (and the baby) will be fine.

Aemond shocks her, and honestly himself, by asking if he can come to the first appointment. Myrah is halfway to saying no bc her parents advised her to cut ties cleanly especially if he doesn’t explicitly say he wants to be around permanately. But he looks so earnest so she says yes.

I sort of debated how I imagine Aemond telling his family, namely Alicent. Honestly I could see him jay blurting it out one night on the phone. Like ‘I’m having a kid’. Now this ofc shocks Alicent. Bc frankly, she thought if any kid would be making her a young grandma is Aegon. But she gives him sound advice about raising a child (especially while not being in relationship with the mom) is not easy. And if he’s not 100% in, he needs to leave them alone for their sake.

the thing that really pushes him to step up is viserys tbh. His father is so critical of him for this. Probably makes some disparaging comments about myah when he hears she’s essentially a struggling artist. Hinting at her doing this on purpose. And Aemond really can’t believe for a moment bc really??? Viserys targaryen has something to say about raising kids??? That’s rich. But then he remembers how clueless his father is so sure he would think he’s a great father/made good decisions and has room to talk

Anyway fast forward to the first appointment with the obstetric. I feel this appointment def lays the early stages of them being good for each other. It should be nerve wrecking and awkward, and don’t get me wrong some parts are, but he holds her hand and when they do the ultrasound he has that’s “their” baby in there.

When they leave, Aemond is very clear about wanting to make it work. Not just co-parenting but with myrah herself

Ok that was super long winded opening to their relationship. Anyway in terms of hiccups they may face. Aemond is a workaholic. Hard to curve and him and myrah butt heads a lot of what things are considered ‘important’ in life. It is understandable when you grow up in the family dynamic he did, that ideals in that department is murky. They both have to create appropriate boundaries before baby Baelor comes.

Moments they realize they could be happy together. For Aemond, the way she gels with his mom and siblings. Mainly Alicent. She also tells viserys and daemon to fuck off one night (she instantly feels guilty. Pregnancy hormones what can ya say) but Aemond loves her for it. Also when Baelor comes, Aemond sort of feels like his heart is bursting. For myrah, the fact that Aemond tries. She isn’t expecting perfection but nothing bothers her more than someone who dwells in their situation when they have the means/wherewithal to get better. Also he is very handson from the get go. One of her fav memories is him shooing her out of the apartment so him and Aegon could paint the nursery. As well decorating the nursery with him

[aphethaschronicles]

Venus Cries

“GET THEM OUT!”, she screams as she’s laying on her back pressing down on her tiny wings in a soft bright red mushroom bed. She’s very gorgeous, even as she is aggressively giving birth to twins. She has long curly black hair, bronze colored skin,  the cutest dimples right in the middle of her cheeks, and a perfect pointy chin. As she is screaming and doing her breathing pattern; in her mouth are a perfect set of teeth as she struggles with breathing. Her name is Epilimel and she’s dying from a very sad situation. Her tiny round nose flares at the nostrils as she begins to panic. Her twins are the first and foremost concern, there’s no real care for herself. What care would a fairy have for herself after a broken heart? Epilimel is screaming at the top of her little fairy lungs as a group of fairies rush to her aid. Their names: Jojo, Prairie, BrambleBlossom, and the paramount among the group, Venus. As much as they tend to overlook it, Venus is indeed Epilimel’s favorite fairy. She birthed them all and now she is birthing two very unique fairies. In all of fairy history, there have never been twins, it goes against the entire makeup and design of fairy births. Every fairy is unique, and to share the same exact womb with an identical fairy has never been done. However, Epilimel is the ‘Mother of all Fae’ and her heart is broken. Never has a fairy ever given birth to a fairy with a broken heart. BrambleBlossom weeps quietly as the birth doula knowing Epilimel’s unfortunate fate after she will undoubtedly give birth to the last fairies from the most beautiful ‘Mother of all Fae’. “Venus...” Epilimel strains to speak as Venus is shaking, her wings shivering with fear of losing her mother. Epilimel raises her hand for her to come grab it. Venus hesitates, knowing that Epilimel intends to leave them to fend for themselves her thought tends to be far more selfish at this moment. She wants her mother to survive this and see her become a great fairy someday. She wants to run the creek race course again with her at least once more, wants to sit in the kitchen with her and eat beetle gut soup. Not just any beetle gut soup, her mother’s special beetle gut soup that is just the right warm and just right portion. “Venus! Come quickly!” Epilimel pleads as Venus scuttles forward with her wings wrapped around her tiny teen fairy body. As she gets closer to her mother Epilimel’s face swells with tears. “My children…�� she sobs as she visibly accepts her fate. All of the fairies begin to openly sob for their mother grasping each other or their own wings. Venus instead looks angry but is visibly holding back tears, her anger for losing her mother in the way that she is will not allow her to let her emotions free. “So much anger Venus. Let it go, my beautiful child.” Venus bursts into tears and breaks down at the bed beside her mother. Epilimel signals the other fae to leave the room and they silently exit. “Rise my love. You’re far too pretty to let this break you. Besides, I have it from a good source that you look really ugly when you cry.” Venus still crying, chuckles in-between the sobs. She wipes a huge glob of tears and snot from her face with her right arm and Epilimel gives a slight face of disgust from her actions. Venus smiles and teases her by threatening to wipe it on her and they embrace. “Listen to me, Venus. Listen closely. The One Living has given me the next chosen to find—”. Venus interrupts her immediately, “Máthair stop…just rest before they come…”. Epilimel pauses hoping that Venus is ready to be the new mother. There hasn’t been a change of mothers in over 3,000 years. However today, Epilimel must give up all she is and knows to Venus. All her powers, all her thoughts, all her connections to the One Living; Just to protect the balance of the realm itself. “You have no right to leave us Máthair!” Venus screams as she begins slightly crying holding tightly onto Epilimel’s hands.

“In a thousand years, my child…in that time a man named Peter Will, his wife Zoey, oh lovely Zoey, and their son Anthony. They will be the answer to th-this…to all of this unbalance. Peter is the answer to the Black hatted man. The evil….” Venus softly rubs her mother’s cheek and puts her forehead to her, Epilimel continues, “I-I know you can’t hear the prophecies. This will be corrected once the evil man is defeated. Rise to my seat, Venus of all of Greece, rise and lead as the ‘Mother of all Fae’. There is a shift of light, the shadows consume every area of the room but the mushroom bed. A rainbow of color overflows them both and Epilimel begins to fade in color and becomes colorless. An absent white without any visible color. Venus immediately recognizes that her mother is gone and she begins to see things clearer but still stops to sob on her mother’s white body. A blue light slowly climbs the foot of the bed giggling. Another light emerges silently and with a bit of an attitude from the farther side from Venus, this particular light is yellow. Venus smiles and accepts her journey.

[daydreaming-optimist]

10 songs for 10 ships?

First and foremost, apologies for having this in my ask box for months, I had to really think about it and then I forgot oops

These aren't necessarily my top 10 ships, just ones that I felt like matched a song or part of a song :)

I’m trying to avoid putting the love songs that they literally sing to each other in musicals and find an unrelated song but it’s a struggle so these might all end up being book characters instead

Addie and Henry (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V.E. Schwab) - Like Real People Do (Hozier)

“I will not ask you where you came from / I will not ask and neither will you / honey just put your sweet lips on my lips / we should just kiss like real people do”

Cath and Jest (Heartless by Marissa Meyer) - The Joker and the Queen (Ed Sheeran and Taylor Swift)

“and who was I to say that this was meant to be? / the road that was broken brought us together”

“when I fold you see the best in me / the joker and the queen”

I mean come on, the book’s about the court joker and the (future) queen of hearts falling in love, how could I not choose this song? it’s IN THE TITLE

Celia and Marco (The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern) - So It Goes... (Taylor Swift)

“all eyes on you, my magician / all eyes on us / you make everyone disappear”

“cause we break down just a little / when you get me alone it’s so simple”

“all the pieces fall right into place / getting caught up in the moment / lipstick on your face”

“all eyes on me, your illusionist / all eyes on us / I make all your grey days clear”

tbh I’m not convinced she didn’t read the book before writing this song

Percy and Annabeth (PJO/HoO by Rick Riordan, but specifically House of Hades for this song) - Take on the World (You Me At Six)

“and just say the word, we'll take on the world / just say you're hurt, we'll face the worst / nobody knows you, the way that I know you / look in my eyes, I will never desert you"

“and it's the fight, and the fight of our lives / you and I, we were made to thrive / and I am your future, I am your past / never forget that we were built to last”

“we'll fight, we'll crawl into the night / our world, we'll go, with you by my side / the calm, the storm, we'll face it all”

Patroclus and Achilles (The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller) - Dancing with Your Ghost (Sasha Alex Sloan)

“yelling at the sky / screaming at the world / baby why’d you have to go away?”

“I stay up all night, tell myself I’m alright”

“never got the chance / to say your last goodbye / I gotta move on / but it hurts to try”

Alina and Mal (Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo) - You Are In Love (Taylor Swift)

“he keeps his word / and for once you let go / of your fears and your ghosts”

“you fight, then you talk” 

“one night he wakes / strange look on his face / pauses then says / “you’re my best friend” / and you knew what it was / he is in love”

“and you understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars”

Jonathan and Mina (Dracula by Bram Stoker, during the part when he was in Budapest and literally dying but could only think of Mina and she comes to tend to him) - Work Song (Hozier)

“when my time comes around / lay me gently in the cold dark earth / no grave could hold my body down / I’ll crawl home to her”

“I was burning up a fever / I didn’t care much how long I lived / but I swear I thought I dreamed her / she never asked me once about the wrong I did”

Cress and Thorne (The Lunar Chronicles by Marissa Meyer) - Modern Rapunzel (The Covasettes)

“are you alright? / locked up all night / do you feel like running out into open space?”

“I say come on, get on / burst out of your bubble / we're a long time gone / my modern Rapunzel / cause I get the feeling one day you'll fight”

“so take your sweet heart and drop it at my feet / everything you want, I can be”

Orpheus and Eurydice (Hadestown by Anais Mitchell) - I Hear a Symphony (Cody Fry)

“I used to hear a simple song / that was until you came along / now in it’s place is something new / I hear it when I look at you”

“you are more beautiful by far / our flaws are who we really are”

“you took my broken melody / and now I hear a symphony”

Chaol and Yrene (Throne of Glass by Sarah J Maas) - Thinking Out Loud (Ed Sheeran)

“when your legs don’t work like they used to before”

[babytaes]

reaction to playing video games | tbz- ─ ot11 ˎˊ˗

𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐: a few curse words, quite lengthy 

requested (anon)

✧ sangyeon∘*

Not only did whining get you places, but it also warmed your boyfriends' stone cold heart. It's a perk.

“Baby...I'm dying to play. You and the others never let me play.” You moped over to his setup and pouted as you sat at the edge.

“All right, I'll let you play once, but if you lose. So, please-.” You winked at him as you pressed your finger to his lips and grabbed a remote, settling in for the game.

“What the fuck was that, Y/N? You never told me how good you were.” He exhaled deeply and lowered his headphones. You strode out the door laughing, pushing his chair away and saying.

“See, should let me play more."

✧ jacob∘*

“DID YOU SEE MY CONTROLLER, Y/N?” As he rummaged through his room looking for it, Jacob yelled out to you.

Hearing his shouts from the living room, you swiftly grabbed the controller from the stone table and laughed your way to his man cave.

“You always leave it by the living room set up,” You say. He chuckled and kissed your forehead, thanking you as he pulled the controller from your grip.

Jacob called out to you just as you were about to walk out the door.

“Hey, want to play with me? Today, the boys are offline.” You rushed over to the chair and snuggled up close to him as you grabbed your red controller, smiling at his request.

“Mr. Bae, are you ready to be demolished?”

✧ younghoon∘*

Over the facetime call, he whispered something and pointed the iPad at your screen, tapping it to make it clearer.

“I need help with this level; I've literally asked the guys and they haven't been able to assist me. So I figured I'd consult the master.”

You let out a gasp and shook your head.

“Not sure why you didn't ask me FIRST,” you remarked, rolling your eyes, “but I guess I'll help you.”

He finally made it to the boss level after minutes of discussing the level and advising him where to go. Before kissing the screen, he turned to you and smiled broadly.

"Thank you, Y/N."

"Anytime Younghoon"

✧ hyunjae∘*

As you sat your headset down and spoke into the mic beside you, you heard a knock on the door.

“Hey guys, I'll be right back. Leave some suggestions for places to visit in the game in the chat.”

You walked out and unlocked the door after turning off your microphone and camera. Hyunjae stood in front of you, holding some containers, much to your astonishment. He strolled in with a joyful smile on his face.

“My mum insisted on me bringing some food over since you know how they are.”

You kissed his temple and went to get some chopsticks and bowls while putting some food on the table for him.

“I only have a few more rounds on my server before I can leave. You are more than welcome to observe; you may certainly benefit from it.

As he scoffed, he glanced up with a wide mouth and noodles in his mouth.

“Wow.. some sort of friend you are.”

✧ juyeon∘*

“So you're a gamer,  Not like those people who do "games" online."

Before displaying your Twitch, you pushed Juyeon and laughed. He appeared intrigued as he scanned through the videos before selecting one.

He leaned back,  head resting on your lap. As the demon rushed toward the screen, he was already dying from your reaction. You asked him a question while rolling your eyes at his state.

“Hey, do you want to be a part of my broadcast one day?” I'd be happy to show you some things.”

Before returning to his comfortable position, he glanced up from his seat and nodded his head.

“I'm thinking about subscribing because this is high-quality content.”

✧ kevin ∘*

“Have you played Animal Crossing: New Horizon?” Kevin poked your side from his laying down position, waiting for your answer.

Your eyes widened as you lowered your phone and slowly turned to face him, jaw wide open.

"Don't tell me you play Animal Crossing too?"

He showed you his Switch with a laugh and a nod of his head.

You sprung off your couch and dashed to your bag, returning with your Switch.

“You should have told me earlier; you must see my house!”

✧ new∘*

“Why don't you stop being so bad, then we can talk about my techniques.” As you scoffed, you turned your head sideways to look at New.

“Says the person who recently finished last in our team's tournament. Do you want me to check the scoreboard one more time, or are you finished?”

Sunwoo shook his head as he walked back to his room, looking at the two kids arguing.

“This is the 20th time the kids have fought this week, Sangeyon. If you don't want to do anything, I'll do it for you.”

You both turned around to see an agitated Kevin with twitching eyes.

“Forgive me, Kevin, but I'll be more mature and quiet.” As you pushed the play button on the game, you laughed.

“Bitch” New whispered under his breath as he “accidentally” killed your character off.

“OH NOW IT'S ON.”

✧ q∘*

“Please let me play one more time, Y/N. I'll do better. “I will vanquish the Evil.” Not amused by his confidence, you rolled your eyes and crossed your arms.

“All right, but don't injure my ears for the 4th time today. I will smack you."  He gave you a wink and walked up to your game set. As he watched you set up everything, including the Oculus, Changmin tapped his legs. That dreadful thing.

As you finished prepping everything, you switched off the lights and set your LED's to purple. You took his hand in yours and kissed it many times while rubbing the back of your neck.

“I'm sure you'll be fine.” Changmin turned to face you and said "fighting" before putting on the headphones.

As you observed him, you noticed that he was doing fairly well; he was approaching a new area of the level as he frantically looked around. As his scream echoed throughout the house, you clenched your hand and squeezed your eyes.

You quickly grabbed the Oculus and yanked it off, only to be confronted by a frightened boy.

“At the very least, you made it past the first section. I'm proud.”

✧ juhaknyeon∘*

“You're killing me, Love; it's not fair.” You tossed the controller on the couch and pouted at him with your arms folded.

He laughed and walked over to your side, pausing the game.

“How about a hug and a kiss as an apology?” Next round, I'll take it easy on you.” He smiled and drew the two of you closer together. As your eyes opened, he held onto you. Grabbing your controller, you tossed a knife at his character as he collapsed to the ground. 

“BABE... “What was the point of that?”

You returned his controller to him, smirking.

“You always gotta be ready, learn from the best.”

✧ sunwoo∘*

“Babe, it's only a simple tap, hit, and swing,”  Sunwoo fought to breathe as he rested his hands on his knees.

“Wait..I-..just give me like 10 minutes,”   As you stood over his large figure, laughing at his antics, he dropped to the carpet.

“So you can dance for hours at a concert, but you can't get past the first two levels of Just Dance? Sunwoo, make it make sense.”

You watched as his face lit up with a smile and his chest rose and fell as he chuckled.

“That's different; these dances are crack. Who comes up with it?

You looked up at the TV, shaking your head, and chuckled at the title song.

*The Stealer* 

“What an ass.”

✧ eric∘*

“So, according to your buddies, you're a Mario Kart "master,” is that correct?” Eric spun around and clasped his hands together in his fancy gaming chair, cocking his head to the side.

“It depends on your willingness to face him.” He chuckled and sat you down in front of one of the monitors.

You strolled up to his setup and sat down, laughing. You took the controller and customized your bike while choosing your character, Pink Toad.

“First and foremost, ladies, I'll let you choose the level.” You chose Rainbow Road and started your engines, smirking at his arrogant face. As you thought about how this was going to be the ride of a lifetime, he winked at you.

“FINISH... AND THE CROWD GOES CRAZY. What's the number on the scoreboard? PINK TOAD TAKES FIRST PLACE AGAIN!!”

Before resetting his controller, he rolled his eyes.

“Rematch?”

“Will you be able to handle the Master for the second time now...?” you smirked.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

➳ Navigate to the Maze

[justagirlsearchingforamuse]

I wanted to write what characters I think should’ve been romanacable or at least been able to have a one night stand with in Cyberpunk 2077 because I feel they should’ve had more options tbh. I will talk about what kinda missions they should’ve had for the characters were romanceable and how their relationships should’ve developed or could’ve per say.

1. Jackie Welles

First and foremost, I believe Jackie Welles who a lot of people want to romance believe me I can see why but I feel that if you wanted to keep his death in there, I could see V and it wouldn’t matter if what gender you were confessing to liking him. V is realizing that he’s dying right before them and is begging him not to go whilst putting pressure on his wound, Jackie cups their cheek before apologizing and giving them the chip. V manages to say that they love him and whether it’s platonic or not it’s up to you especially if you talk to other characters such as Judy, Panam, & River. You can talk about your relationship with Jackie as being somewhat like unrequited love, if you have the guts and the balls to you can even tell Misty that you had these feelings for him. But it’s gonna slightly bring down your relationship with her, she’ll express how she wasn’t surprised and how she noticed it. If you choose to end yourself in the final mission, depending on if you saw Jackie as a love interest you’ll end up saying how you love Jackie and how you can’t wait to see him. Even kissing the necklace and putting it on yourself before it all ends. But if you managed to keep him alive, I’d say that you’d be able to have a threesome with him and Misty cause honest to god I thought that’s what the developers were hinting at with the fucking ;). If you would manage to pull off such a feat you’d have to collect all of the tarot cards, do all of Misty’s missions as well as Jackie’s which I might talk about more in depth in future posts. Depending on how you’ve been treating them both which is well I hope, Jackie will bring you back to his apartment and talk about your relationships as well as your sex life. It eventually leads to Jackie whispering in your ear about how would you feel having a threesome with them, you can answer according to how you’re feeling. If you say yes then Misty will soon come into the room and she’ll sit right beside you, touching you and kissing on your neck whilst Jackie kisses you. If you guys would want me to write a Misty/V/Jackie smut or go into more depth about it then just send an ask in my ask box.

I’d like to imagine that if you manage to keep him alive up until the very end, he is with you when you visit Alt and when the bad news comes, you’re both pissed and it’s even to the point of Jackie nearly breaking down in tears. Jackie begins to blame Johnny for this, getting pissed at him and Alt, saying this should’ve never happened to V. Johnny can choose to argue with him or try and talk Alt into more options. Depending on how you played V, you can get a scene where if you choose to take over V’s body then V will end up confessing to Jackie saying how it’s the end for them and how sorry they are for this happening. V can even kiss Jackie and apologize once again before saying a tearful goodbye to Jackie. I’d imagine that Jackie would want little to nothing to do with Johnny not just because he believes it’s his fault for taking away his best friend but because everytime he sees Johnny he sees V and it breaks him every time. Jackie can break up with Misty sometime after the incident and is seen just living life with Mama Welles but he’s always thinking of V. If you choose to sacrifice Johnny, depending on how you treated Jackie and Misty you can end up in a polyamorous relationship. Though you all are trying to do your best to manage this, your relationship is pretty decent with them both.

I believe that you couldn’t romance him without Misty being there or I feel that he would never break Misty’s heart to date V or cheat on Misty with V because he doesn’t give me those vibes. If anything he’d seem to be against cheating, but I’d like to imagine if you’re a dick and whatnot that you’d be able to try and romance him but he keeps pushing you away if you end up being too touchy or romantic with him. So naturally he’d be quite hard to romance that’s if you include Misty. He is bisexual/pansexual and should be able to be romanced no matter your gender. Also, he gives me bottom vibes or power bottom vibes.

2. Johnny Silverhand

Personally I believe that you’d be able to romance him slightly towards the end of the game, like I imagine that if you manage to get on his good side and get him to trust you as well as remaining non romanceable to other people. I’d imagine that it’d all really depend upon the endings really, like you’d able to confess to him or kiss him in all of the 5 or 6 endings. You can confess in both of the main endings, it goes the same with you crying and saying how he’s one of the bestest friends you’ve ever had and saying how he really impacted your life. You can choose to kiss V or to hug them in a totally platonic way, as Johnny you can choose to say whether you liked them or whether you just wanted to give them as kiss as being able to recognize their feelings for him. Johnny in the Temperance ending will talk to Steve about V vaguely saying about whether he had feelings for them or how they were an amazing friend. He can even say kiss the necklace that V always carried with them before saying something like, “I won’t forget you, babe.” if you chose to make it where Johnny began to develop feelings for V. V in the ending if you had feelings towards Johnny, you can see that she tells that to her Life Coach or whatever if you are a Corpo V and she’ll confess that she liked him, saying how she’s been missing him a lot lately. As much as I’d love a Johnny and V sex scene that I’d be able to imagine in the game, I can’t see sex happening, maybe making out but Johnny seems like the kind to really become angsty at the idea of not being able to actually feel you. But I’d imagine if you could by some miracle would be able to get him to kiss you early on in the game then I’d say it’d be a lot of making out and Johnny getting off of you. Feeling as though he has nothing to offer you or that he hates not being able to actually feel you. But basically a romance with Johnny Silverhand and V would be angsty af or would be short-lived, sorry guys. Also, Johnny is bisexual so it doesn’t matter what gender you are. Though I do like the idea of an ending where you choose to spend your final days with Johnny whether it’s having sex (in some way), doing stupid shit, or just being in each other’s presence, I feel in this ending he’d ask you if you’d want him to take over your body before you go, if you say yes you can kiss him before telling him to take care of them. But if you say no, then he just spends his and your final moments just laying on the bed and staring into each other’s eyes.

He is bisexual especially from how much he regrets not fucking or getting with Kerry back then but he goes give me heavy dom vibes but at the same time he doesn’t seem to care as long as he’s getting some.

3. Viktor Vector

He’d also be bi, I feel that most of the romances are bi/pan or are gay such as Judy. He gives me bi nerd vibes though as well as I am a tired bi vibes. You should’ve been able to romance him in game or at least have something with him tbh. I feel he’d have about 4 quests which should lead to a romance, once you pay Viktor what you promised he’ll say how he thanks you and will text you a quest which would probably be something like being his boxing partner or something. i feel his quests would have to do a lot with him reliving his younger years of boxing or just doing what he’d call stupid shit with V, I can imagine that the quests would be V getting Viktor to do things he usually doesn’t do. In the final mission, I’d imagine that he’d come to your apartment or he’ll text you about having dinner and some drinks or even the final date being after the last mission you guys both did which was dangerous, something that resulted in you being checked up on by Viktor. Depending on if you’ve been playing your cards right, I can imagine him finishing up on your wounds or whatnot and you end up being the one to confess that you’ve grown closer to him, you caress his cheeks and he ends up telling you to shut up and he kisses you. It leads to you both making out on the chair before you end up on top, you caress his cheeks once more before kissing him again and he in between kisses says how you need to be more careful with your wound. You snarkily tell him to shut up and you kiss him again before it fast forwards to some cute yet steamy sex with plenty of Viktor trying to be gentle on you. Though I’d imagine if you were Male V/Non-Binary V he’d be a little less gentle on you or the roles would be reversed in the mission before I’d imagine in the mission before he either took a bullet for you or you took a bullet for him. He’s a little less gentle with you and a huge tease towards you whether you’re fem’ V or male’ V. He’d play a bigger role in the ending if you romanced him, I feel similar to Panam he should have his own ending or at least a secret ending where it ends with him just trying to take care of you in your final moments. He is there with you along with Misty and Jackie if you managed to save him and you say your final words to them, thanking them for being there forever and always with you. Viktor takes off his glasses and ends up kissing you before nearly breaking down in tears as you begin to slowly fade away from this world, muttering how you’ll never forget them. Viktor ends up wanting to keep his business, wanting to try and help people if he can with you always on his mind and he ends up becoming a big thing, He always is thinking of you, even adopting a child who takes after you with their mischievous personality. It ends with him gifting your child with the necklace that Jackie ends up giving you, beginning to tell your child the journey that you went on that he witnessed. He gives me strong bisexual or maybe even gay vibes tbh. Also, gives me major switch vibes.

4. Goro Takemura

Of course everyone loves him, I do too just not as much as some do. I feel a romance should’ve formed or he should’ve had a few sidequests that would lead to more of a romance. His side quests should’ve been exploring the city with him as well as him just trying to find people who can help V with the chip, 2 or 3 of the quests are you and him exploring the city and helping him learn about Night City. Even learning more about his past and him learning more about yours, which could lead to you both having a romance. Realistically speaking I feel there wouldn’t be a sex scene, so sorry but I feel he’s the kind to want to want things to get more serious and whatnot before considering having sex. He gives me very much if you like it then you better put a ring on it vibes. I can imagine on their last quest which I can see being an expensive dinner date that Takemura keeps insisting on paying for but you choose to because you want to see his face twist in pleasure at the amazing food. I imagine he takes you to an expensive restaurant and once you say all the right things, you can grab Takemura’s hand and take him to his car in which you’ll end up making out with him heavily and before you can get his pants off. He pushes you off, insisting that he doesn’t want to move too fast with you and that he’s enjoying the relationship he has with you he just doesn’t want to give that up yet. But I can imagine if he lives he plays a bigger role and even gets his own ending or plays a big role in the endings where you choose to follow after Hanako, he keeps telling you that you’re doing good and that you made the right choice. I can imagine if you romanced him/kept him alive he’s the one trying to convince you to do the final test/experiment to keep you alive. i can see him playing a good role if you manage to keep him alive and if you romance him, overall I feel he’s bisexual or demisexual. He gives me strong demisexual vibes and or bicurious vibes. Also, he’s a bottom/power bottom and I’m leaving it at that.

5. Kerry Eurodyne

He should’ve remained bisexual tbh, I get it wanting gay rep but also don’t do bi erasure, I see him as bi leaning more towards guys but he’ll be happy to date fem’ V as long as they play their cards right. I feel he should’ve been a more serious option or could’ve been more serious, I feel in the first quest or 2 you have to make a good impression on him and show him you’re down for whatever. Show him that you will make an impact on him and that you’re different, during the first few quests which I can see are just helping him with fans who have no boundaries or helping him get rid of his writer’s block and get back into music. I can imagine the first quest he is calling you anxious about a bunch of fans out in his driveway which you can try to convince them that this isn’t right or knock the fans out which the latter can have Kerry a little distant from you. Thought if you don’t manage to convince them they might try to get violent if it means Kerry would come out, which results in Kerry coming out and helping you I’d imagine he’d need someone who can handle the crazy lifestyle that he has, the fans, handle all of the crazy shit that is in his life. I feel the love scene would happen all the same to be honest and would happen after you finish all the quests and show great interest in becoming more. I’d imagine that he wouldn’t play that big of a role but he’s there and often texting you about random ass shit and he’s honestly just enjoying having some company. Also, he gives me power bottom vibes or a switch who likes to talk a lot of shit and tease you, lol.

6. River Ward

I would talk about River Ward who is my favorite love interest in the game tbh but I feel I’d be repeating what I’m saying for Kerry, River should’ve been bi imo or maybe even bicurious and Male/Non-Binary V is his first boyfriend. The love scene could be different in which I feel he’d be the bottom this time, he’d be trying to tell you to go easy on him and saying how he hasn’t done this before. Honestly it’d be just a fluffy love scene with River and he gives me total bi or demisexual vibes. Also, he is a total switch but he is dom more than he is submissive.

Also, this should go without saying that I feel that you should be able to go on a date that is a sidequest with them or even be able to call them and plan dates out with your respectable partners and you can go to bars and food places or even your own place. It’d be nice to have that added in the game but it’d be a lot to do.

Alright so I promise to do girls next and I am totally down to writing about what should be included in Cyberpunk that could improve the game greatly, cause honestly I feel that the story is great and immersive but it’s everything that happens outside of the story that is kinda not done right. Also, send me asks about these possible scenarios such as a Takemura and V dinner date quest, lol.

[stiltonbasket]

Post-canon wangxian arranged marriage au: I just wanna see one or the other of them sip a lil vinegar. Although it would be most satisfying if it were WWX, who makes a deliberate show of being Hanguang-Jun's husband and then maybe has a little bit of a 'wtf was I doing' moment later when the self-awareness sets in.

(brief author’s note: please reblog, since that’s how we get prompts for future ficlets!)

Wei Wuxian is not jealous.

Wei Wuxian is not jealous.

Being jealous of the pretty, doe-eyed girl from Zhoushang Zhang flirting with Lan Zhan would make no sense, since as Lan Zhan’s best friend, Wei Wuxian ought to be delighted by the prospect of his zhiji falling in love with an eligible maiden.

The fact that the aforementioned zhiji is his husband does not matter at all.

They are friends first and foremost, and two men, besides; and Wei Wuxian has always known that an honorable marriage between cultivators was for lasting companionship and love, begetting and bearing children, and dual cultivation to improve the strength and stability of the couple’s spiritual energy. The marriage between him and Lan Zhan is nothing but a marriage of convenience, one doomed to remain barren forever, and Wei Wuxian can’t cultivate, either--so how could he be jealous, when every word Zhang-xiaojie says to Lan Zhan is a step closer to his husband’s eternal bliss?

Wei Wuxian can’t be jealous, of course. And he isn’t, not in the slightest, which was why he took Xiao-Yu and withdrew into the nearest corner when Zhang-zongzhu’s daughters trapped Lan Zhan in their midst and started flirting with him. Remaining close by would only make the lady guests believe that Lan Zhan is happily married: which he is, for the moment, but only because he doesn’t know any better.

I’m happily married, though, something small and hurt seems to whisper in the back of Wei Wuxian’s mind, as he and A-Yu make a hasty escape from the gaudy feasting hall and begin looking for somewhere quiet to sit. I’m happy, being married to Lan Zhan.

Happy in a marriage Lan Zhan was forced to accept for the crime of being your sworn zhiji? Just because he calls you “niang zi,” and kisses you whenever you try to resist him? You’re pathetic.

He wants to call me his niang zi, the voice echoes back, so wistfully that Wei Wuxian’s heart nearly breaks in half on the spot. Lan Zhan, my husband, I--

“A-Niang!” Xiao-Yu cries, jerking him out of his one-sided conversation as the two of them go crashing to the floor--because Wei Wuxian, distracted by the mere thought of Lan Zhan calling him his wife, missed the single step between the feasting hall and the adjoining resting chamber and fell over it with A-Yu in his arms.

“Ouch,” he hisses, after looking over Xiao-Yu’s fluffy head to make sure his son was unhurt. Xiao-Yu is still whimpering into his sleeve, clinging to Wei Wuxian like a baby monkey as Wei Wuxian reaches down to inspect his own black-clad ankle--an ankle that proves to be badly sprained, already red and hot to the touch by the time Wei Wuxian manages to yank his boots and stockings off.

Xiao-Yu takes one look at the ankle and cries harder than ever. “Hurt, A-Niang? Hurt?”

“No, sweetheart,” Wei Wuxian soothes him, unwrapping one of the lengths of black cloth around his wrist to serve as a makeshift bandage. “A-Niang is all right, Yu’er. Don’t cry!”

“A-Niang is hurt!” the baby wails, scrambling to his feet. “A-Yu will help!”

And then, before Wei Wuxian can even reach out to grab him, A-Yu toddles away to the feasting hall as fast as his two-year-old legs can carry him, vanishing from sight around the corner and--

“A-Die!” he hears Xiao-Yu wail, as the chatter in the next room fades into deathly silence instead. “A-Die, A-Niang is hurt!”

And then--

And then--

And then Wei Wuxian can see nothing but a cloud of white silk, and smell nothing but sandalwood, and feel nothing but his husband’s heart beating twice as fast as usual as he carries Wei Wuxian and Xiao-Yu away towards their guest quarters, summoning two servants to bring hot water and calling over his shoulder for a healer before Wei Wuxian has the time to comprehend what just happened.

“Ah, Lan Zhan, you...you should stay in the banquet hall,” he offers feebly, trying not to melt in his husband’s arms when Lan Zhan kicks the door to their bedroom open and lays him down on a lounging chair. “It’s only a sprain, and I can look after myself! Wen Qing taught me how to bandage sprains when we were at the Burial Mounds, so I’ll be fine.”

“You will tend nothing yourself,” Lan Zhan says sternly. “I am your husband. It is my--”

“--Lan Zhan, you do so much out of duty because we’re married, so save this one some face and--”

“Wei Ying. It is my privilege.”

The fight goes out of Wei Wuxian’s body in one long, astonished gasp, followed by a dying sort of moan as Lan Zhan bows his head and kisses the hurt ankle thrice in a row, pressing spiritual energy into the joint with his lips to lessen the pain a little. “Lan Zhan!”

“We are married,” his husband insists. “Wei Ying, does this displease you?”

“D-does what displease me?”

“This. My kisses, my touch. My presence in your bed at night. My affection for you.”

“No--no, Lan Zhan, how could you even think such a thing? Anyone would be lucky to have you spare them a glance, let alone--let alone all that you do for me, I--”

“I am your husband,” Lan Zhan says again. “It is right and proper and good for me to do all these things.”

“But...but, we’re not really...”

“Niang zi,” his husband interrupts, “my sweet Wei Ying, my zhiji--listen to this xiang-gong, and let him tend you.”

And really, what was Wei Wuxian supposed to do after that?

Refuse?

Never.

[ghostinthebau]

Super Fanfic Rec List -- Iron Dad Edition (because I just wanna share the love)

I’ve had such a blast reading fanfic of the IronDad and SpiderSon variety over the last 6 months or so, and I thought I’d just make a rec list of some of my favorite stories.  Most of them are angsty, with whump and hurt/comfort because that’s what I live for.  

This is in no particular order or in any way complete because there’s just way too many amazing fics/authors in the Iron Dad fandom, but it will still be hella long, so....here goes! 

First off, @yellowdistress:

What We Are series - Bio-dad Tony series that goes all the way through Infinity War.  Endgame AU.

Someday I’ll Make it Out of Here series - Adoption AU!  It’s so good.

The Missing 92 Days - A take on HYDRA Peter that destroyed me emotionally.

Reviving Peter Parker - This about killed me.  Peter actually died during his fight with Toomes and SHIELD brings him back a la the TAHITI project like they did with Phil Coulson.  

A Sailor Went to Sea - Gut-wrenching Endgame fix it.  

Double, Double

@losingmymindtonight:

Webcams and Webshooters series

I Never Lived ‘Til I Lived In Your Light series - !!! TISSUE WARNING !!! Peter dies, but there’s another one shot with a happier ending if you need it.

And You’ll Blow Us All Away - Adoption fic!  A lovely one at that.

5 Times Peter’s Mental Illness Made Him Stumble And The 1 Time He Refused To Falter - I really love a well-depicted take on mental illness, and losingmymindtonight delivered 100%.

If You Can’t Catch A Breath (You Can Take The Oxygen Straight Out Of My Own Chest)

Cyanide? In My Shawarma?

@justme--emily:

The Guardian - Adoption AU with a lovely Loki and Peter friendship!

Radioactive - Peter endures the after effects of the spider bite, and scares bio-dad Tony to death.  Lovely, lovely, lovely.

The Good Fight - Peter gets hurt at the airport in Germany instead of Rhodey.  

@iron--spider:

ever in your favor - Hunger Games AU and an epic work of art!  

Lazarus, come forth - The Endgame fix it before Endgame.  Peter will break your heart.

dear mr. fantasy

this isn’t a game - Highly underrated fic based off the PS4 Spider-Man game.  I’ve never even played the game, and I loved this story.

what if there is no tomorrow? - This story actually made me kinda like Justin Hammer, if you can believe it.  

blindness

@tempestaurora:

hydra’s not a home series - HYDRA Peter, and also bio-dad Tony and bio-mom Pepper!

i’ll find you in the drift - Pacific Rim AU, and I have never seen PR, but I adored this so much.

it’s okay, we’re okay [whumpvember 2018] series

@jolinarjackson:

Lights To Guide You Home series - Another adoption AU.  They are my weakness, and this is one of the best out there.  

... and when you can’t crawl ...

Damaged At Best (Like You’ve Already Figured Out)

@blondsak:

No Life But This

come morning light (you and I’ll be safe and sound)

Burying Grounds - Eeeek!  Tony has to choose between saving Peter or Pepper and it hurts.

hold on, hold on

Something the Soul Needs

@madasthesea:

turn back the clock (and I’ll try again in the morning)

when my body won’t hold me anymore (where will I go)

They have so many other lovely looking fics--including an adoption au series (which I, of course, love), but I just haven’t gotten around to reading them yet.  I’m pretty sure anything they write is golden.  :)

@signofuncertainty:

It’s Always the Little Things

I’m sure their other fic, The Third Option, is fantastic and I really, really wanna read it but I’m trying so hard to wait until it’s complete!  It’s really difficult to wait, though, tbh....I may give in soon.  

@upcamethesun:

Twelve Days Of Peter Parker - So cute and fluffy, and then it kills you at the end.

5 Times Peter Made Tony Laugh Out Loud

5 Times Tony Didn’t Need To Worry About Peter

5 Times Peter Pretended To Be Tougher Than He Was

@frostysunflowers:

Between how it is and how it should be - This story made me love a Peter and Bucky friendship.

@kitcat992:

Identity Theft - This was one of the very first Iron Dad fics I read, and it was a doozy.  Full of whump, medical accuracy, and hurt/comfort!  The author is posting a sequel now, too: Identity Crisis.  :D

For Pete’s Sake!

@camelot-queen:

Goner - A perfectly heartbreaking kidnapping fic, but heed the warnings!

Who Saves The Hero

Never Meet Your Heroes

i’m the satellite (and you’re the sky) - Tony is Peter’s bio-dad but Peter doesn’t know it.  I haven’t actually finished this yet, but it’s good.  So, so good.

@peter-stank:

built from scraps - YOU GUYS, this is one of the best fics I’ve read on AO3.  It’s a ‘Tony gets dusted instead of Peter’ AU, and it’s got such an amazing dynamic between Peter, Pepper, and Morgan.  It’ll also make you tear up a few times, at least.

@geekymoviemom:

Sins of the Fathers - So, I’ve only read the first 5 chapters of this epic length (303k words@) adoption AU so far, but I’m LOVING it so I wanted to add it here.  They also have an even longer bio-dad Tony with added Stony bonus series, Pieces of Echoes, that they’re posting the 3rd installment to right now.  I’ll definitely be checking it out!

@too-many-bees:

let’s kick it

like a bridge over troubled water

@jbsforever:

it’ll be over (and I’ll still be asking when)

@tnyystark:

where the memories reside

@whumphoarder:

Quieting the Void series - Peter kinda has an eating disorder due to the spider bite, so take care if you read!

Poison Apple - Loved how medically accurate this was, and Ned’s reaction to Peter’s condition was heartbreaking.

@seek-rest:

It Hurts to Become

Someday We’ll Know - This is a Walk to Remember AU, so there’s MCD.  I’ve gotten about halfway through, but I can only read it when I’m in the right mindset.  But it’s lovely and so well done.  

This author has so many fics that I’m sure are amazing, and they’re on my ‘to read’ list when I’m in the mood for beautiful Spideychelle stories.

@caraminha:

The Primary Reason Tony Stark Would Throw Down With an Anti-Vaxxer in the Street - Hella scary depiction of Peter with tetanus, and it’s SO GOOD.

@tonystarkstan:

it all comes back to this

skeletons series

to build a home series - I love recovery fics, and this was a beautiful story of Peter dealing with the aftermath of being snapped and coming back.

lay your weary head to rest

@foolscapper:

Exploding Head Syndrome - Everyone comes back when the snap is reversed, but Peter is sort of catatonic--stuck between the living world and the soul stone where he’s with Gamora.  It’s such a lovely fic.

@alice-in-ink:

It’s a Little Bit We Do

Danger Pizza

@legalassie:

oh, darling - Peter’s kidnapped and Tony frantically searches for him--one of my favorite things.  Peter uses his smarts to help him get out of the situation, too, which is also one of my favorite things.

don’t think about tomorrow. 

@blackwatchandromeda:

Broken Thoughts (I Remember Everything)

Leave Me to Dream

A Nightmare to Remember

@emma--anacortes: 

Accepting the Tides - Here I am with another adoption AU.  Can you see a pattern yet?  I love them, and this one has danger and whump and comfort as well.  

@ardenskyedarcy221b:

they are standing in the garden - This hurt.  Several times the author had me tearing up and there’s a few lines that will stay with me forever.  It was just immensely lovely to read.

@iamallyetnotatall:

At the Start of the Universe - This was so much better than I was expecting! Peter is an Angel, and he knows Tony from the very beginning of the universe. It’s different, but absolutely gorgeous.

@starktowr:

somewhere outside my life - I don’t wanna say too much, but just read this.  It’ll break you and you’ll love it.

@jessicagoddamnjones: 

too bad (but it’s the life you lead)

@silver-bubbles:

The Fire’s Out (But Still It Burns)  

@day-dreamer176:

Like A Strike of Lightning - I kinda took this as a demonic possession a la Supernatural, but I don’t think it actually was.  Either way, it was fantastic.

fifty-four

five, tops

The World Stopped

@ambivalentmarvel:

Into His Fold series - Where Thanos brings Peter back from the ashes to make him into his new son (a la Nebula and Gamora).

@notaparty-trick:

Doom and Gloom - A ‘Peter doesn’t get dusted’ AU, filled with whump and Iron Dad and an awesome Carol Danvers.  Angst!!!

Dust and Blood - Peter is hurt much worse when Toomes drops the building on him.  More angst!!!!  This author does angst very well.

@ema--vee:

You don’t have to hold your head up high - Peter can’t thermoregulate!  I love that trope.

@forensicleaf:

All the Things We’ve Lost (And All the Things We’ve Gained) - This one gutted me, and then made it better.  But there’s pain to be had before the comfort!

They just posted the first chapter of a new WIP that looks AMAZING, too: Can’t Part the Sea, Can’t Reach the Shore.

@plnkblue:

foolish, fragile spine - Peter’s severely injured in his fight with Adrian Toomes and Tony finds him.  

@helloitisiafellowgay:

god did not craft us as altars, but as dying gods - Okay, guys.  This one is heavy.  It deals with Skip coming back into Peter’s life, and it’s not pretty but it’s handled superbly.  It’s a tough read, but one I definitely recommend if you can handle it.  Take care of yourselves first and foremost, though.  <3

~ ~ ~ I’m not sure if the following authors have a tumblr, so I just linked their AO3 pages ~ ~ ~

eccentric_artist_221b:

Only for a Little While - This is a Titanic AU, and it’s AMAZING.  There’s several scenes that just took my breath away and brought me to tears (not an easy feat). They’re also working on a WWI sequel!!!!

tiaylasglass:

the one who made it out - Short, simple in a gorgeous way, and poignant.  

And finally, I thought I’d humbly add my own little contribution to the fandom.  So far, I’ve only written the one fic, but I hope to write more in the future!

@ghostinthebau:

For Want of a Dad (in need of a son) - There’s a bit of blood, and a very distraught Tony at one point, so warning for angst and injury!

Again, this list is probably severely lacking, and if someone has a rec that’s not on here please please please reblog this and let me know!  I’m always in the mood for more fics.  

And I hope anyone reading this finds something they enjoy!  

I’m sure you will.  

ilu 3,000

:)

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Hello yes, could you elaborate on the Comte wedding event pleease. Crying and fangirling and dying are all acceptable. I missed it and I adore your rambles about Comte? Thank you either way.

!!! I’d be delighted to!! And awww, I’m so glad :D I love to write about him in any capacity, it makes me so happy to know people enjoy it when I do! Tysm for the full license to cry/fangirl/die because lbr it ain’t a Comte event if all three of those things don’t happen .Please don’t worry, I don’t mind talking abt it anyway! 💕💕💕

Okay my fellow Comte stans, you know the drill! I’ll be placing the details of the Wedding Story Event (jpn version) below the cut! Please don’t read if you want to wait for the official translation, and I hope you enjoy if you do take a peak! c:

AIGHT Y’ALL in fair Verona where we lay our scene-- This event begins on a lovely summer day with Comte and MC at a boutique picking out a wedding dress for their upcoming ceremony. As usual, she provides a bit of background as to how we got here. Comte doesn’t have a proposal event (as far as I know) like the other suitors because he actually proposes marriage in his MS. I won’t go too far into details just in case, but they essentially swear their love to each other in a church at night--just the two of them. (I’m not 100% sure, but I think this event takes place on the anniversary of the vow that they shared, what Comte called becoming “a vampire’s bride.” Yes it’s as hot as it sounds AND I LOVED IT). Now, despite their private promise to each other, Comte does specify that he fully intends to have a public wedding whenever she feels comfortable doing that. As such, this event is picking up from there.

With all the nitty gritty settled, it’s time to get to the fun bits. So Comte is weaving in and out of the dresses, trying to find the perfect one for his beloved. MC is equal parts exasperated but amused, and she notes that it reminds her so much of when she first debuted in high society (reference to the beginning of Comte’s MS). Back then, when she agreed to debut, he told her that he would immediately send word to his tailor to make the necessary preparations. It’s a kind of nostalgic moment; she remembers how thorough and excited he was (”I’ll be sure to show off your every charm”), and he’s effusing that energy in the boutique too. Eventually he settles on two of them and requests that they both be prepared, and MC sputters. She’s like Comte???? W H Y we only need one dress???? And he insists that, since it’s a special occasion, there’s no harm in it is there? He also goes on to say that it is in line with her culture’s tradition of “dyeing the bride in the husband’s colors.” MC shoots back that the tradition doesn’t entail several wedding dresses for the bride, but he pays the correction no mind. Y’all. I loved this part because it just emphasizes how much of a LIL SHIT he can be. Like he’s 100% harmless but I was like BOI IF U DON’T--I WILL KISS UR CUTE FACE. YOU STOP THAT.

I find it interesting especially because it remains in line with a trend about Comte that is so arresting for me, something that I find so endearing about him. I’ll note other places in the event I find it, but in this moment he is revealing something critical: for all of his capacity to play with the language and expectations that other people have/use, he only ever uses it for good. Here he’s purely being playful (with a stark note of respect and awareness); he has no intention of overwhelming her or undermining her cultural expectations of what a wedding means. Especially because MC, even in her monologue, isn’t truly upset--she honestly seems to find it adorable and funny more than anything. It’s also clear that Comte is working within her comfort zones. While he would buy the entire damn boutique if she let him, he settles on two because he knows it would stress her out otherwise (MC tends to be p pragmatic, not really about extravagance she is a mood).

And so they make their selection and exit the boutique, and they’re walking arm in arm back to the carriage. Comte laments narrowing it down to only two, but he’s happy they found something nice. MC thanks him for bringing her along, but he says it’s only natural--he wanted to pick out the dress the world would see together, he would never be happy with it otherwise. MC melts (WHO WOULDN’T) and says she’s really looking forward to wearing them, and he’s shook AF. 

(OKAY BUT I NEED TO SCREAM ABOUT THIS. DOES HE UNDERSTAND HOW TOUCHED I AM. DOES HE KNOW. His route hammers home this idea that for Comte, being with someone absolutely means being on the same page. It means being there for each other yes--but it also means making sure the other person feels wanted and included. He could have so easily just picked his favorite and been like “yeah this is what we’re going with.” But not only does he not do that, he refuses the very idea of a ceremony without it. He wants this to mean something for both of them, and he’s more than willing to put in the time and effort to ascertain that. I’M FUCKING TENDER OKAY. HE CARES SO MUCH AND I SOB)

He asks her if there’s anything else that she really, really wants for their wedding, and she thinks it through. It’ll be a reasonably sized wedding, with the men of the mansion in attendance and most of their closer high society friends. They’ve picked out a dress, the venue is set, the people closest to her will be there...she really can’t think of anything else? So she asks him if he has anything he really wants to do for the wedding, and he replies in the negative too, saying that “My only ideal wedding can be one in which I can see you at your most happy." ARE YOU KIDDING ME--Before MC can recover from that, he goes on: "Even now, I'm enjoying the preparations, and I want to do whatever I can for you." MC feels like she can never win against his sweet affection, so she nearly kills him with her answering line: "It’s more than enough. More than anything, being able to swear our love together again--to renew our vow--is the best part of it all." Comte is visibly shocked and is quiet for moment (MAN DOWN!!!!!!!!! VAMPIRE DOWN GET THE DEFIBRILATORS!!!!! LEONARDO PUT THAT LIGHTNING ROD AWAY I SWEAR TO GOD--) before he just replies with a “Is that so :>>>” And translating this nearly killed me [At the sight of his gentle smile, I smile back.] IM GOING TO SCREAM THEY ARE JUST SO TENDER IM SOFTE????????????

As they’re walking, Comte asks MC to tell him about weddings in her time. What were they like? He wants a reference point. She goes on to describe how ceremonies really range from formal to more informal affairs, and gets to a little custom that’s apparently held in Japan. When a groom intends to marry a bride, he will go to the bride’s family to ask for their approval. Comte visibly seems concerned about it, and I’m pretty sure he feels bad denying her that experience; not only did he propose to her without knowing any of that, her family isn’t within range to be able to honor it properly now. Even so, he keeps listening and comments now and again with a great deal of interest, paying close attention. He asks, what happens if the groom is rejected by the family? MC goes on to say that it’s a kind of test of perseverance: the groom is expected to ask/prove himself until he gets an answer in the affirmative. Internally, she notes that such a thing rarely ever happens irl--it’s mostly dramatized in movies and TV shows. She used to dream of how thrilling it might be to have someone do that for her, but it was mostly just a silly little fancy, nothing she was obsessed over. Comte, being a literal fucking legend, senses this emotional shift in milliseconds, and starts musing about something. When she tries to ask what’s up, he’s like not to worry leave everything to me.

PLEASE CUE THE CIRCUS MUSIC. BECAUSE THIS IS ABSOLUTELY GOING TO TURN INTO A CLOWN FEST.

So it cuts to them back home and Comte is asking Sebastian to give MC’s hand in marriage. Sebastian is utterly bEWILDERED and is like “I mean I understand I’m probably the closest relative she has right now but also WHAT!? YOU’RE MY BOSS/LORD I’M YOUR BUTLER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD”. Comte 100% is undaunted by this very normal reaction and insists that class/status has no place in matters like this, and Sebastian and MC are desperately trying to stop him from bowing his head/kneeling. MC notes she never expected him to take it to heart, tells him "Comte, you really don't have to go that far, it's a custom not a duty--" (IT’S SO FUCKING FUNNY????? YOU CAN FEEL THEIR MOUNTING CONCERN AND I CAN’T BELIEVE COMTE WAS STRAIGHT UP JUST “i am not above begging” AND THEY’RE LIKE YOU SHOULD BE YOU SHOULD BE ABOVE BEGGING)

The circus only escalates when Leo comes in LAUGHING HIS ASS OFF "damn...bahahahhahahaaaaa now THIS oughtta be good/interesting." MC (and I simultaneously) start yelling at him and he replies "What? Comte's already ready and willing, why stop him?" For whatever reason, this gives Comte an idea (NEVER A GOOD SIGN) and he’s like you know what? That’s actually perfect, get everybody in here I’m gonna ask them for permission too :D

Several things I want to say about this. 1. COMTE LITERALLY DOES NOT EVEN REACT TO LEO’S MOCKING HE JUST “omg ur face was useful for smth for once this gives me an idea” 2. META TIME. First and foremost, I seriously can’t deal. This man knows MC has nothing because of her traveling through time, no friends or family--he’s always so, so aware of what she’s sacrificing to be with him. It is never outside of his thinking. Not only does this decision solidify her presence as a member of their family (I’m just so UGLY SOBBING about the fact that he does not consider them all ANYTHING LESS--THEY ARE HIS CHIRREN AND HE LOVES THEM AND I’M SOFT) this is also such a brilliant, strategic move on his part. Not only is he doing this to fulfill her younger wishes of having someone be so confident in their love for her that they would insist on it in front of her family/loved ones--his doing this also solidifies her presence as his wife within the mansion from here on. There can be no mistake; this is an unquestionable statement as to how her identity has shifted in meaning, a powerful allusion to his possessive streak. (and WE LOVE THAT FOR US HELL YEAH) 

Furthermore, I continue to be fascinated by the way he keeps subverting traditional or expected forms of supplication. While many could see this as a yielding of his pride (and in some ways he undeniably is) this choice to acknowledge her culture’s customs yields much more valuable dividends for him. 1. MC--notorious for never betraying the things she wants, having trouble asking for anything--is have her dreams fulfilled even if they were just silly little fantasies from when she was young. He’s actively making her happy, and he gets to openly gush about how much he loves her (FOR HIM THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF A WIN-WIN YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND--) 2. This is a way for him to make amends and do proper respect to the marriage customs of her place/time, and that’s infinitely important to him. He’s trying to set a precedent; that even if he ever does make a mistake or neglect something (even if accidental) he will do his utmost to make it right, pride and money be DAMNED. 

While it can be argued that he’s just being silly and over-the-top, when you look closely this is 100% a clever, very mindful approach to their future. While it may partially have been executed on an emotional/excited whim, he is also claiming MC as his own in the most clear and respectful way possible. And tbh that’s the hottest thing I’ve ever seen 

So, after Leo walks in on them everyone else starts filing in one at a time (OKAY YOU CAN’T CONVINCE ME THAT THEY WEREN’T ALL HUDDLED UP TO THE DOOR SQUIRMING TO HEAR WHAT WAS GOING ON AND AT SOME POINT LEO SAID “omfg i gotta see this dumbass bitch on his knees” AND BLEW THEIR COVER/MADE THEM EVEN MORE CURIOUS):

Jeanne: "It's so noisy in here." 

Mozart: "What's going on?"

Comte: "Ah, excellent timing. I want to get permission from everyone."

Vincent: "?????? Did you do something wrong Comte?? What could you possibly need forgiveness for?"

Isaac: "A mistake made/wrongdoing by Comte?...Why am I dreading what it could be..."

Dazai: “Ah yes, yes I see, you are asking for a young lady's hand in marriage” (IM WHEEZING BC EVERYONE ELSE IS SO LOST AND HE'S JUST 100% ON THE BALL KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT'S GOING ON THE NARRATIVE DISSONANCE IM CRYING)

Theo: Young lady??? The hell are you going on about

So things are getting increasingly chaotic and MC is just [jfc this is getting out of hand, Comte they don’t even know what you’re asking them to do]. She tries to explain but falters, and Comte puts an arm around her--signals that he’ll give  them the context. So he tells them "You all know that our wedding day is approaching. As such, I'm asking you all for your approval in taking MC as my bride. No matter what happens, I promise to make her happy forever--for every moment, every second of our time together. Please, forgive my taking her" (WHEN I TELL YOU MY HEAD WAS IN MY HANDS IDK HOW MC DIDN’T DIE ON THE SPOT S I R. SIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) MC: [...Comte...My heart melts at his confession, at his earnest plea. It feels like every single iota of our feelings are infused in every word he speaks, teeming with the love shared between us in overwhelming measure.]

For a little while silence falls until Napoleon speaks up, and honestly? It was so sweet ;-; I tear up every single time: “Forgiven. You know how much I dislike formalities anyway. And besides, who could say no to le Comte?” MC notes that everyone murmurs in agreement and a kind of warmth settles in the room. Arthur notes that MC will be a Comtesse very soon and MC just. I’m going to be a WHAT now (”C-c-comtesse??”). And it’s so FUCKING FUNNY YOU CAN FEEL THE RED EYE EDIT MEME ON COMTE WHEN HE GOES “Oh? Is there anything wrong with that? Everybody said yes, after all :>” MC internally accuses them of ganging up on her, but reveals that more than anything she’s a little overwhelmed by the outpouring of love in the best way:

MC: [Overwhelmed with feeling; touched, a little shy, embarrassed, but also full of joy--my eyes burn at the edges with tears] “I'm glad everyone approves c:”

Comte: Agreed :> your country/homeland has a nice custom. A v important step to inviting my loved one into my life as my wife :>>>>

So it then cuts to them in Comte’s room after the circus and MC thanks him for the sweet confession in front of everyone, tells him how happy it made her. He insists that it was only natural he would, and that it isn’t even enough.

Comte: “I am the one...your life, your time as a human being; I'll be taking all of it from you.”

MC: [...Comte? He took my hand with a very serious expression]

Comte: "As I said before, I will make you a vampire someday."

MC: “Don't call it that--a price. I want to live with you too!”

MC notes that while she hasn’t made the leap yet, she knows she’ll be ready for it soon enough. 

Comte: “Thank you. But the last thing I want is to take things from you, I want to do everything I can to make you happy, to make you smile. Whether that means weddings, requests--anything in my power.”

COMTE REALLY SAID "she is entrusting me with her future and that means I have the responsibility of not only ascertaining her happiness, but proving my unwavering devotion to it" AND IM HOLLERING????? LADIES GET YOU A FUCKING MANS. MC finally begins to understand this, and she’s like OMFG is that why you went off so hard this afternoon???? And Comte’s like :>>>> guilty as charged, though I think I'm also just still excited about the wedding too, haha! They hug it out (YESSSSSSS LET ME H O L D) and MC asks him again if there’s anything he wants for the wedding too. Aight y’all I would be irresponsible if I didn’t warn you beforehand, get fucking tissues. I’m still upset abt his answer and I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL. He thinks about it for a bit, before kissing her forehead and saying “I suppose, can you pray for my happiness too? That's enough."

AIGHT IMMA GO BACK TO THE EVENT IN A SECOND BUT I GOTTA SAY. BITCH. BITCH ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME????? COMTE THAT ISN’T OPTIONAL THAT’S A GOD DAMN PREREQUISITE?????????????????? OFC WE WISH FOR YOUR HAPPINESS WHAT THE FUCK??????????????? THE A U D A C I T Y. I’VE NEVER BEEN MORE INSULTED IN ALL MY LIFE. OKAY RANT OVER.

MC is surprised but naturally agrees to it, having wanted that for him even without prompting. She continues to think on it, insisting that she wants to do something for him too. An idea sparks but it only says that she made preparations without telling him anything for now, preparing a tangible sign of her love for the wedding.

The premium end begin here. She’s getting dressed for the wedding, and she’s--as usual--in awe of his perfect selection of accessories/jewelry to go with the gown. She’s about to put on her shoes when she notices something odd, and there’s a knock at the door. Comte enters to ask if she’s ready, and they both freeze and stare at each other. They both sheepishly admit to being completely taken with the sight of the other, and they laugh about it together. Comte tries to ask if she’s ready again, and she assures him that she is--just that she found something unexpected in her shoes.

He explains that the coin is an English six pence. Sebastian told him that they are no longer made in her time, and Comte explains he acquired it about three hundred years ago in England when he was living there (he says that he kept it back then because he liked the design on it). He explains that there is a tradition, that the English would put a six pence in a bride’s left shoe in the hopes of wishing her good fortune and prosperity in her oncoming union. MC has her understandable and customary (JESUS I FORGET HOW OLD THIS MAN IS SOMETIMES) and he places a hand over hers that’s holding the coin when she starts staring at it. 

Comte: "Hey, MC....Time goes by, and various things will continue to change. Among them, it is only vampires who survive without dying or changing."

MC: "Comte..."

Comte: "I used to think that made it--made us--empty. But...I don't think that's the case anymore. I'm proud of being able to keep this undying, unchanging love for you."

[He put the coin back in my left shoe, and offered them to me--gentle as though they were made of glass(Cinderella's)]

MC spends this exchange on the verge of tears, but keeps it together for the wedding. It depicts their loved ones all around them as they walk down the aisle, and skips to the end of the ceremony. The priest tells Comte he may now kiss the bride (WHEN I WAS TRANSLATING IT SAID “KISS YOUR BUSINESS” AND WHEN I TELL YOU I WHEEZED), but just as he’s about to lift her veil--she stops him in his tracks. He’s confused, and says her name, but she reassures him that she just wants to offer him a wedding gift before he lifts it. Hidden in her bouquet are two pins that she had made, and she pins them to his jacket. They were made from preserved flowers, encased in metal to render them undying/everlasting. 

MC: [Me too...I want to wish for your happiness...]

MC: “For you, things might feel fleeting--like they just pass you by, are lost before you can grasp them. But even so, my feelings won't change; just like this preserved/undying flower and the life of a vampire--dedicated to [Comte's real name] in everlasting love."

COMTE.EXE HAS CURRENTLY SHUTDOWN. REBOOTING.

MC notes that his eyes get misty and he leans his forehead against hers.

MC: [Comte's real name]? 

Comte: .................I want to hug you as tight as I possibly can, but I'd hate to ruin the flowers/your gift to me

BITCH WHEN I TELL YOU I SOBBED. WHEN I TELL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1. I CANT GET OVER THE FACT THAT HER GIFT IS NOT ONLY CANON BUT ITS LITERALLY ON HIS WEDDING SPRITE, HER LOVE IS A VISIBLE MANIFESTATION ON HIS PERSON ALWAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2. THE FACT THAT SHE ONLY ADMITS TO BEING THE HAPPIEST SHE CAN BE WHEN SHE SEES HIM SO HAPPY TOO. THIS IS SO MUCH. SO M U C H

And so Comte lifts her veil and kisses her gently uwu cover ur eyes chirren, the hall erupts in raucous applause and the crowd starts congratulating them!! Comte then encourages everyone to have fun, and the reception takes on the vibe of a kind of social gathering. MC notes that he seems to prefer this level of interaction, just relaxed and everyone chill, and she turns to tell him that it seems like it’ll be fun! Before she can finish her sentence, he kisses her fiercely before leaning back with a sigh, "It's still not enough, but I'll save the rest for later tonight." BITCH!!?!?!??!??!? HOW THE FUCK CAN ANYONE FOCUS ON A STUPID PARTY WHEN YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT, HELLO???????MC notes: [Everyone from the mansion that saw the kiss made fun of me endlessly, and I hid my face in my bouquet] SAVE HER. Once again, it skips to the end of the reception and they’re now in Comte’s room. (I will blink twice if I think you need tissues BLINKS TWICE) 

Comte: "Yup, perfect." [He places the flower pins I gave him next to THE hourglass in the room, looking pleased HNGNNGNGNNGGNGN MY EYE HOLES ARE SUFFERING

MC: "I'm glad you liked the gift c:" 

Comte: "It is proof of your unchanging love, of course I cherish it :>"

She’s just so happy to see him so delighted with it. He asks how she liked the ceremony, and she gushes about how much she loved it. He hugs her (AWWWWWWWWWWWW) and then he notes that while it was fun to celebrate, all he wants now is time with his wife (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA). He starts kissing her like the world is ending, and she says she needs to get changed--but he doesn’t care, says she’s fine as she is and that he wants her right now.

Aight usually I don’t get into epilogue territory, but honestly, this shit was JUST too good. Now this man made of magic asks MC if she’s wearing her bridal garter (you know, the one that usually comes with the whole bride ensemble in Western tradition). And she’s like ???? Uh, yeah, of course? Why... He says that he saw something interesting at a friend’s wedding reception once upon a time, and explains that the garter is usually removed and thrown to the bachelors (analogous to the bride’s throwing her bouquet, and whoever catches it will be the next to get married). PLEASE NOTE HE IS KISSING HER FOR LIKE 90% OF THIS IT’S AMAZING

MC: "So it's like the bouquet toss?" 

Comte: "Yes. Now then, how did he remove the garter...?”

HE DUCKS DOWN AND SHE’S LIKE COMTE!?!?

Comte: “...Ah yes, the groom removes it with his teeth >:D”

And so this man HAS THE TIME OF HIS LIFE tugging it down slowly under her dress, caressing her legs and loving every part of her. MC’s face is on fire, and she’s torn between being turned on and embarrassed. Eventually he reappears after teasing her MERCILESSLY and admits that he didn’t do it at the reception because he didn’t want anyone else to see her reaction. Blushing, shy, desirous--all of these feelings are his to keep and enjoy. (I!!!!! LOVE!!!!!!!!!! HOW SUBTLY POSSESSIVE HE IS AAAAAAAAAA) MC notes internally that she feels the same way about him, how he only shows this intensely passionate side to her. Comte is uncharacteristically impatient and frenzied that night, and they both go at it.

It skips to midnight where the two are cuddling in the aftermath, just being cute and happy. Comte, the absolute MADLAD is already thinking about how to celebrate next year--and she just giggles at him (he’s a wackadoo but he’s her wackadoo LMFAO MOOD) and he laughs with her. They essentially swear to promise their love over and over in the future, and it just ends on that wholesome note :>>>

Also can I just. The fact that he lived for so long alone, but was always, always paying attention to all of these little things that are done with a person’s loved one ;-; that he would remember his friend doing that at his wedding and be like BROOOOO I WANNA DO THAT IF I EVER GET MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!! I just. It’s so heartbreaking and touching at the same time, I just want to hold him forever ;-; the fact that he doesn’t seem to worry as much about his own happiness, seems absolutely floored that MC would do anything in return. I JUST LOVE HIM WITH EVERYTHING INSIDE OF ME 

THIS IS WHAT PEAK PERFORMANCE LOOKS LIKE

[feferipeixes]

Welcome to ���Star explains how a song is actually about TAU”. Today’s song is pink lightning by Purity Ring!

(content warning for mentions of suicidal thinking)

I would that the world become you, give it time Blooming like the shadows upon you I drowned beside Floating on the water to show me your softer side

First and foremost, Dipper is mourning Mabel. She is the world to him, even centuries after her death. He’s spent a lot of time mourning her and the agony of it feels like drowning. Meanwhile, her body just lies there in the ground, shadows passing over it as day becomes night becomes day becomes night, unaware and completely at peace.

While everything is spinning beneath 'til it falls like glass Just give it time The sands will pass

Time continues to pass as Dipper mourns his loved ones. The planet keeps spinning and spinning until it doesn’t anymore and it becomes something brittle like glass. Dipper is there when the Earth is swallowed up by the sun. It hurts more than anything for everything he’s ever known to be gone, but even then the sands of time continue to pass. There’s no respite -- he just has more to mourn now.

Heavy are the winds from the east, they have come to see Fallen like hundred-year-old trees missed your body Watching as I comb through the pieces on the beach Patient as I bury my wrath under pink lightning I bear to breathe The smoke will fall Oh, cease me

This whole verse reads to me as Dipper reflecting on how long he’s been around and how much the world around him continues to move. He has a lot of pent up frustration regarding his immortality and sometimes he expresses it as wrath, leaving destruction wherever he goes and scorching the land with lightning. Still, he keeps breathing -- even though he doesn’t need to breathe anymore -- keeps going on and on even though he so so desperately wants to be “ceased”. It’s no secret that he wants to die.

Warm water rises It still feels like I can't stop crying Hold me inside it It still feels like a storm not dying

After hundreds of years of life, Dipper’s still overwhelmed by his sadness. It feels like he should’ve run out of tears long ago. His emotions are a storm, and like a storm they can often turn violent.

And all that was undone Was done when we were young I'm not sure how it feels quite

The thing “that was undone” is his humanity, and it indeed happened when he and Mabel were quite young. Now he’s not even sure what it feels like anymore.

Heavy as the weight in my chest, oh, this seldom dread Lying in the dark with a wake curled over my head

More imagery about how sad he is. In particular, the second line conjures imagery of him lying in a grave, as if at some point he gave up and just lay down in the grave his parents dug for him and spent a hundred years feeling empty.

In all my blood I'd rather be found, oh, my recklessness Thunder, oh, the fury of peace

Dipper wants to be found “in [his] blood”, which I read as meaning in his human body, the original one he had that burned up in the fires of the Transcendence. He doesn’t want to be found a demon. He doesn’t want people to meet him and see a monster. It’s ironic, then, that he’s often found in (covered in) other people’s blood. His demonic instincts, as well as his frustration regarding being immortal, frequently make him reckless.

I rest between The echoing Disquietly Oh, cease me

The place between the echoing (reality) is the Mindscape, which is indeed where he lives, since he’s a demon. He’s definitely disquieted, and once again, he yearns for the end.

[waynedunlaptheorgandonor]

here, i wrote a smutty, angsty oneshot about the most recent episode. it incorporates spoilers we have for next week’s episode too, jsyk

title: how big you can love

words: 3500

rating: m

It’s only when you’re close to death do you realize just how big you’re able to love. The magnitude of it all; the absolute infinite capabilities of your heart. They say that everyone who’s ever jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge and survived regretted it the moment their feet left solid ground. There’s always love inside—of family, of yourself, of life—but darkness likes to disguise it as pain and grief and hatred. It’s only during the fall that its true face reemerges. You can only really know yourself and your ability to love when you’re about to die.

And it’s not that Daryl ever forgot that he loved her. Quite the contrary, in fact. His whole life lately has revolved around a continuous push-and-pull game, where she tugs herself one way, and he tugs her right on back. But that’s the thing—he’s been so preoccupied with keeping her grounded that he’s put aside the reason he’s doing it in the first place. 

Now that he’s dying, though? Now he remembers. 

Face beaten to a pulp, his leg gushing out more blood than he can stem with the pressure of his hand, Daryl lies on the floor of some rundown dusty shop that has been cleaned out for years, and feels the vastness of his love for her. 

When he closes his swollen eyelids he sees her face, smiling the way she used to in the beginning, with an unwavering kindness that he hadn’t been used to and didn’t know how to comprehend. On his bruised and battered shoulder he feels the phantom weight of her head resting on it, and the squeeze of her fingers around his bicep.

On the other side of the wall, Alpha—the monster who broke Carol’s final tether and made him lose his grip on her—is droning on about the meaning of it all. She’s nearly dead, too, and remembering just how much she loves power. But Daryl isn’t listening. He isn’t here, not really. His heart is still beating, but he’s transcended his body, existing only where his memories of her lie. 

They’re right when they say that your life flashes before your eyes, because she is his whole world.

He should have told her that. 

Should have chanted it like a mantra to her every day.

It was never the right time, and now there’s no time left. Funny thing, time. Always keeps you guessing.

At least he’s not afraid. Carol was the first to teach him that letting people in can be safe, and she’s keeping him safe now, in his final moments. 

Daryl thinks someone is saying his name; thinks there may be footsteps circling around his dilapidated form. He can’t be bothered to make heads or tails of it, though.

He’s too busy remembering how big he’s able to love.

*

Lydia’s tourniquet saved his life, the clever girl. He’s proud of her. Not because she helped him. He’s certainly grateful, but he’s proud because she has developed a love of others instead a love of control like her mother, and he knows exactly how difficult that is when someone is trying to literally beat the compassion out of you.

He’s home in Alexandria, holed up in the infirmary that has yet to recover from the giant hole Siddiq left in his wake. Trainees fuss over him with unskilled hands—people who had observed the late doctor’s handiwork, or came into the community with rusty medical knowledge from CNA jobs in their 20s, or what have you. It’s a testament to how worn down he is that he doesn’t care that he’s confined to a bed and at the whim of other people’s touch. He spends most of his time sleeping, trying to heal his battered body that is unfortunately much too familiar with this song and dance.

In his moments of lucidity, however, in between the aches and pains, he remembers how big he loves her, and he wants to ask everyone who walks by if they’ve seen her, but he’s afraid of the answer. With how they left things, and with her tendency for running, he doesn’t want to know where she ended up after he left her at the collapsed entrance of that godforsaken cave.

At night, though, he thinks he feels her thin fingers lacing between his thick ones, entwining them with a gentle squeeze. He thinks he feels his hair being brushed back, and maybe even lips pressing against his forehead. He thinks he hears soft reassurances whispered in his ear.

But then he wakes up, and no one is ever there.

*

It takes a full week for them to let him go home. A week. Seven days. And truth be told, they probably would have kept him longer, except he finally loses his patience, and gets right up on both feet, ignoring the throb in his injured leg, and walks right out the door.

He gets it. There’s a war on the horizon, and Michonne is out at sea somewhere, Hilltop has two of their members lost underground, not to mention he still hasn’t asked about Carol, and at the end of the day, no matter how well-meaning everyone is, or how concerned they are about his well-being, he knows that, first and foremost, at least right now, he’s an asset they can’t afford to lose.

He’s not gonna take it personal.

But he’s also not staying in that fucking infirmary a second longer. 

When he gets home the house is quiet, and usually quiet doesn’t bother him, but today it feels exceptionally lonely. He’s grown accustomed to the sound of RJ running around playing, with Lil’ Asskicker at his heels, but they’re with a neighbor right now. Lydia is no longer confining herself to the brig, but she’s still not feeling welcome, and comes and goes, checking on him before disappearing back out into the forest, and Daryl, who has done the exact same thing on more than one occasion, would be a hypocrite to ask her to say in one place. But even his dog isn’t here. He’s with a neighbor too. Daryl’s all alone in this big empty house.

Or at least he assumes he is. 

Leaning against the front door, shifting his weight off of his bad leg, his eyes wander up the stairs, and it takes him a good five minutes to decide if it’s time to answer the question he’s been dreading asking since the moment he got through the Alexandrian gates. 

He starts up the stairs, slowly, still sore, and they creak under his weight. He gets to the top and comes face to face with the entrance to her room and finds the door cracked open. Swallowing, he takes those last few steps and nudges it the rest of the way open with the palm of his hand. 

There’s a duffel bag. 

It’s lying open on the bed, and he can see some clothes thrown in haphazardly, and the hilt of a knife. Around the room, dresser drawers are pulled out, and belongings are scattered on the ground. She’s getting ready to run, and his stomach twists.

Entering the room, he surveys the chaos around him. He doesn’t know where she went, but assumes she’ll be back soon to finish her packing job and hit the road. Was she even going to say goodbye? 

A white-hot rage washes over him, because why the fuck does it always have to go this way? It’s always something; always him running to be by himself, or her running from herself. The two of them never learned how to sit still, but he’s sick of it. He loves her too big to lose her again.

He starts putting her things back where they belong; takes out each item of clothing from the duffel bag one-by-one, folding them neatly and laying them in the dresser drawers. Unsteady on his feet, he fights through his pain to reach down and clean up the floor. A lot of it is junk—a pair of socks with holes in the heels and toe, a lighter with no juice left, a pocket mirror with a jagged crack down the middle—but some of it is the exact opposite. Some of the stuff on the ground are treasured items thrown around in anger, like a birthday card from Henry, a drawing of Sophia made by Jadis, and several letters Daryl wrote her during her time out at sea that he didn’t realize she had kept.

He treats these items with care—uncrumpling the corners of aged paper and blowing dust off—before setting them gingerly down in a neat pile on her table. Then, when the room is no longer in disarray, Daryl takes a seat on the edge of her bed and waits.

It’s about fifteen minutes later, give or take, when she returns. She steps into her room and then stills like a statue at the sight of him, not unlike she had the day he came to confront her in that little house on the border of the Kingdom. She takes stock of her tidied up space. With a weak groan, she presses the base of her palms to her eyes.

“Don’t do this,” she says. “Just go.”

“No,” Daryl says simply, and she lets her arms fall, hanging limp at her sides. There are tears sliding down her cheeks but her face is stoic.

“I only stayed to make sure you were okay,” she says. “Clearly you are, so now you can let me go.”

“No,” Daryl says again, not unkindly or harshly, but with an air of finality that she chooses to ignore.

“Look at what I’ve done, Daryl,” she yells then. He doesn’t flinch. “I trapped two of our own. I’ve essentially brought the Whisperers to our front doorstep. I almost got you killed, for Christ’s sake, you almost died, and it would have been my fault, and I have a lot of blood on my hands, Daryl, but if I had yours? I’d rather die and go straight to hell.”

“I’m alive,” Daryl says. 

“But you almost weren’t.”

“But I am.”

“But not everyone is. Not everyone will be, once this war is underway. Anyone around me has the risk of becoming collateral damage.”

“Then you have to get yourself under control.”

“I can’t.”

“Yes you can.”

“How?”

“By talking to me, Carol, like I’ve said all along.”

Carol laughs bitterly, blinking up at the ceiling and shaking her head. 

“The fuck do you want me to say, Daryl?” she asks, eyes trained above her at nothing. “Do you want me to say it hurts that my son’s head was put on a pike? That the woman who did it is still walking around on this Earth without any consequences? Yeah, it fucking hurts.” She looks at him then, with a leveled glare. “Do you want me to say that the only good thing that came out of two decades of abuse was my baby that I ended up not being able to protect? Who died all alone without her mother there to hold her?”

She starts pacing, breathing heavily.

“Do you want me to tell you how I once told a scared little boy I’d tie him to a tree and let the walkers eat him just so he would leave me alone and not be around the fucking curse that I am, and yet he got ripped to shreds anyway?” 

She approaches the bed, standing right before him, wetting her bottom lip. 

“Should I tell you,” she says in a harsh whisper. “About how Lizzie killed her little sister with a knife I taught her to use, and how I took her into the yard and told her to look at the flowers while I shot her point blank in the head?” Daryl’s surprise must be evident, because she smiles humorlessly and says, “Yeah, you didn’t know that one, did you? You didn’t know that when Lizzie died she didn’t have any bites. No wounds. She was in peak physical health. But I killed her anyway, Daryl. Lord knows Tyrese wouldn’t do it. He just gave me the go-ahead and stayed in the house with Judith while I blew a child’s brains out onto the grass.” 

“Carol—”

“No, you wanted me to talk, so I’m talking.” Her whole body is shaking. “Every child that has ever been mine is dead. I am the common denominator. I am lethal, and it doesn’t matter if they’re the good guys or the bad guys—when people are around me they die. And I’m not letting you die, Daryl. I’m not.” 

"You ain't a curse," Daryl says. 

"Then why are they all gone?" Carol breathes, tears coming faster now, and all Daryl wants is to brush them away. He reaches out to her, but she takes a step back. "No," she says.

"I still wanna be here for you."

"You already tried, and look how that went. I took her from you. I didn't mean to, but I did, and you don't get to forgive me just because you think you should out of some sense of loyalty. Tear into me. Get angry. Tell me to fuck off so I can get my stuff and go."

Daryl has to resist rolling his eyes. 'I took her from you.' There she goes with that junior high playground bullshit again, like any of this has to do with if he like likes Connie. As if this has nothing to do with how deeply she's hurting and how deeply he wants to help her, because she's right, he almost died, and now he remembers how big he loves her and isn't soon to forget.

He says, "I ain't tellin' you to fuck off. And I ain't lettin' you leave."

"It's not up to you where I go."

"Then it ain't up to you where I follow."

They hover at this impasse, shooting daggers at each other. Carol wipes her face and takes a deep breath. He can see her preparing her next big polemic in order to push him far enough away that she has time to escape.

"Daryl—" she starts, but she doesn't finish her sentence, because in one swift movement Daryl gets up off the bed and into her space. He cups her face, and before she can protest he's pressing his lips to hers. 

They stand that way for a beat. Then another.

Her eyes are wide when he leans back to look at her; scared and devastated and wanting all concurrently. She opens her mouth to speak.

"Shut up," Daryl says, and kisses her again.

It takes a moment for her to respond, and when she does it feels reluctant. But then, slowly, her arms snake up the length of his torso and drape around his neck, and that's when he feels her give in. She tilts her head for him to get a better angle, and parts her lips for him. He slides his tongue against hers lazily, running his hands down her back until resting them on her hips. He tugs her forward, eradicating completely the distance she tried to put between them as they come flush together.

Breaking the kiss, Daryl rests his forehead against hers as he walks her to the bed. He lays her down tenderly, and she rests on a pillow, watching him. He climbs into bed too and hovers over her, brushing his knuckles down her cheek.

"You're hurt," she reminds him softly, noticing how he's favoring one knee. 

"I'll be okay," he says, because he really couldn't care less, but she shakes her head.

"Lie down," she says, shifting to make room. "Let me."

Daryl hesitates only a moment before settling down on his back, hoping she won't run. 

She doesn't. Instead, she leans down and kisses him sweetly, taking hold of his hand and placing it on her navel. Daryl bunches the fabric between his fingers, and then uses both hands to work the buttons undone. He makes each one come open with such delicacy that he feels like one of those people who open gifts by carefully peeling every piece of tape off and then folding the wrapping paper neatly once it's removed, because the unveiling is just as important as the prize underneath.

He helps her shrug off the shirt entirely, and she reaches around to undo the clasp of her bra. Slipping it off, suddenly she's before him, nude from the waist up. Parts of her skin are marred by years upon years of violence, but there is no inch of her flesh that he doesn't worship. He feels her up, taking time to get to know every texture of her torso, from the smoothness of her belly, to the roughness of her scars, to the tautness of her nipples as he brushes his thumbs over them, making her sigh.

"I love you," he says. She shuts her eyes and more tears dribble down the bridge of her nose.

"You shouldn't," she says. "I wish you didn't."

"Hey," he says gently. "Look at me."

With what seems like tremendous effort, she opens her eyes and meets his gaze.

"I want you to love her," she says. "Or anyone. Anyone else. Don't love me. Please."

"Not up to me, sweetheart," Daryl says, running his fingers through her hair. She leans into the touch. "I love you, and that's why I need you to stay."

"And I love you. That's why I need you to let me go."

Daryl sits up and kisses Carol long and hard.

"No," he says when he pulls away, and Carol gives a helpless sad little laugh.

"I don't know how to be better," she says. "And I can't risk you getting hurt any worse on my account."

"You don't have to fix everything overnight. Just let me help you. Please? Let's get through this together."

"I'm so angry all the time, Daryl. I'm angry and I hurt."

"I know, but lemme tell you somethin'. You don't feel that way 'cause you're a bad person. You feel that way 'cause you love so big you can't hardly handle the pain that comes with it. That's what it's all about. It's about how big you can love."

"If love hurts this bad then it's cruel to let you love me."

"Nah. 'Cause the only thing that hurts worse is not bein' able to love at all." Daryl nuzzles his head against her belly and places a kiss in between her breasts. "C'mere," he says softly, and pulls her down.

They undress each other with the same care Daryl showed with her shirt. She sheds tears all over again at all his new bruises from this latest fight, and he kisses them away, telling her not to cry. That he's okay. That he's grateful for the clarity his brush with death has given him.

He says this all without words. Instead he inscribes the messages with his lips along her collarbone and breasts, with his hand slipping down between her legs and sliding along her wet folds until he finds her entrance and presses two fingers inside her. She pants softly, running her own hands over his bare flesh aimlessly, caught up in the sensations he's provoking in her body. He encircles her clitoris with the pad of his thumb; a featherlight, rhythmic motion, while his fingers still pulse against her walls.

She cums with a shudder, crying even though he told her not to. She kisses him so tenderly, even as she expands and contracts wildly around his hand. And god is it satisfying to finally be able to give her something good.

Once she's recovered, she straddles his hips like she belongs there, and Daryl holds her gaze as she lowers herself down, making small noises as she stretches to fit all of him inside her. 

At the first roll of her hips, Daryl feels that same feeling he did on the floor of the shop; that overwhelming understanding of how big he loves her, and maybe that means it's not only death that reveals such truths. Maybe there are moments like this littered all throughout a lifetime. Not that it matters. He doesn't need revelations, he just needs her, and while she rides him like she's reminding herself of all the good parts of love, he knows that he has her. Finally, she's his.

He lets go with her name on his lips, and she swallows it with a long, languid kiss. They stay that way as long as they can, until he can no longer stay inside her. They lay side-by-side then, legs intertwined and hands lazily exploring parts of each other's bodies they may have missed.

"Go to sleep," Carol tells him when he yawns. He brushes his thumb over her lips and she kisses it.

"Will you still be here when I wake up?" he asks, and she nods. And she means it. He knows when she's bullshitting him.

"I'm scared, though," she admits a few minutes later, after he thought the conversation was over.

"That's okay," Daryl says, burrowing in closer to her, as if trying to become one. "Just as long as you stay. All the rest we can figure out together."

"Are you sure you want to love me?" she asks.

"Yes. And even if I didn't I wouldn't have a choice."

"It's hard to love this big, Daryl."

"I know, sweetheart," he says, pressing his lips to her pulse point. "But it's worth it."

[scientistowengottlieb-newtkelly]

Thoughts and feelings about Pacific Rim 2?

you sure you wanna open up that particular can of worms?

movie review time! be warned i'm not in a good mood as i am shaking in pain, however this review would have been scathing regardless. and none of this is to say pacific rim is perfect, it's not, but... aye, i have no words for the world of difference there. oh wait! i do:

so. first and foremost, i hate it. as both a movie and a sequel. did i find it entertaining? yes, mildly, so i suppose it did its job, however the only thing that keeps me watching it is because, simply, it's part of the pacific rim franchise whether we like it or not. therefore, i squeeze as much salvageable content from it as i can, such as how one might analyze the precursors, how we are to view hermann and newt as characters pre-, during, and post-uprising, what we are to expect from drifting (though this one i take with a grain of salt, there is a whole other rant preserved for the joke of an attempt to develop that shit within the movie)

one of my biggest issues with pacific rim is really simple: it plays out like DeKnight did not watch the first fucking movie or was scrolling through twitter while doing it and decided he'd make a cash grab since the first one was relatively popular. "haha the kaiju were going for mount fuji the whole time!!" bitch no they weren't!!! why the fuck did they end up anywhere near sydney, australia, then!!! why did they turn tail on places like manila and san fran instead of heading straight for japan!!! WHY DID THE ONE THAT WAS IN JAPAN NOT SUCCEED, THERE'S NO WAY WITH THOSE MARK 1 JAEGERS THEY'D HAVE BEEN ABLE TO REASONABLY FIGURE OUT THEIR PLAN AND WHERE THEY WERE GOING IN TIME TO STOP THEM!!! newt literally lays out what they are doing in the first movie and they completely ignored that!!! not to mention, if the destruction from elements found in mount fuji would have been enough to terraform the earth, WHY DIDN'T THEY JUST FUCKING DO THAT WHEN THEY WERE SUPPOSEDLY ON EARTH AGES AGO??? THERE WERE VOLCANOES WITH THOSE SAME ELEMENTS BEFORE RIGHT NOW, VOLCANOES ARE NOT A RELATIVELY NEW THING EARTH CREATED SUDDENLY AND I WOULD IMAGINE NEITHER ARE THOSE ELEMENTS!!! IT MAKES NO SENSE!!! and.... okay the fucking drones. how did those bitches make breaches??? we know the breach is some result of precursor/kaiju technology, apparently they know the breach's atomic structure as hermann said in the first movie, but how tf some kaiju organs and tech from earth only is ALL it takes to open a breach... illudes and confuses me... why were no more breaches made by the precursors once they realized how long and how many resources it was taking to kill the humans off??? if it's??? shit they could do with simple earth materials + their own biology??? they could have ended things much faster??? shit just doesn't add up, idk, that was Vague and Annoyed Me

and the jaegers.... were....... strange? the fight scenes were so underwhelming, i could count on one hand the number of maneuvers—NOT SCENES, MANEUVERS—i thought were badass and moved well. their fighting was confusing and paced really weird and some of the moves they pulled... don't... work like that... like some of those scenes were just hand-to-hand combat but in big robot form and they didn't sit right with me at all.

and the characters......... oh my word, the characters. look: i love jake pentecost with all of my heart and soul and john boyega's beautiful acting just barely saves the movie from its poor writing. i do love him as a character. but can someone explain to me why in the world they thought it was a good idea to make the only black guy a black market thief/runner, deep-record criminal with daddy and authority issues, and who they dare try to play off as some kind of lazy??? they made him every stereotype they could and said "yeah let's go with that". i'm- aaaaaaaaaaaaaa and what was with the child soldiers??? ROBOCOPS?????? mako....... character assassination at its worst........ my baby......... but the movie was paced so GOD DAMN POORLY I GOT BORED AND LITERALLY MISSED HER DYING THE FIRST TIME I WATCHED IT. and i couldn't tell you the names of half of those poor damn kids, i really couldn't. and can i also say they killed off one of the only two darker skinned kids?? like y'all???? the other darker skinned kids (one of the children i can't remember the names of because it was uttered ONCE in the entire movie or some shit) didn't even GET characterization. my whole heart goes out to her and those other underdeveloped fucks. speaking of...... i am ashamed about jules. from the movie that brought us the mako mori test, they threw in a girl simply for the sake of some shitty, awkward, and unexplained love triangle between jake and White Angst without much else to put to her name. she deserved better. amara was... a decent shot, but very hit or miss because of the writing. i, personally, am very neutral about her leaning towards liking her, but i know people who swing love and who swing hate. liwen was like,,,, they tried really hard to make her unlikable at the beginning because "oh no, she must be the villain! GOTTEM plot twist!!!" and then suddenly she's no longer. threatening everyone except newt. idk i feel like they leaned to heavily one way and i got whiplash when she's actually another but there was nothing to... portray that. at all. i do like her character, and that says a lot because they got me to sympathize with a capitalist without actually regretting it later, but there could/should have been More there. she was powerful, though, in multiple different aspects, and we saw that from her CONSISTENTLY and i 😳🥵👀💕 mako mori test pass for her

now, let's talk about hermann (and by extention, newton, however he'll be getting a section all his own the rat bastard). that man is one of the single instances of decent cross-movie characterization i saw in the whole god damn film. the idea that he takes on newton's roles, that he is more outspoken for himself, that he is just slightly more unhinged after his drift with newton: THAT is on point. he's himself, you can see it, you still know that he's hermann with ever step, but there's something that has shifted in him in those 10 years and it's good without being too much. the "i still get nightmares" scene, the way he presents himself, that scene gives me chills because god bless burn gorman and his acting ability. every face and intonation of his voice is just wonderful and i think his performance was great for what he was given. king shit.

the biggest disappointment of my life came in the form of a kaiju vest wearing bitch at work. at his corporate job. as a boss. for a tech company that undermines all of his and, frankly, hermann's work over their lifetimes. 10 years older and exaggerated to the teeth. newton "move you fascist" geiszler. let me preface this by stating for all to see that i do not hate the idea of newton being the villain. story wise it was a bold move and there was something possible there. BUT THE IMPLICATION THAT ONE OF THE MOST OBVIOUSLY NEURODIVERGENT CHARACTERS IN THE WHOLE FUCKING FRANCHISE, ESPECIALLY GIVEN THAT HE HAS BEEN CHARACTERIZED AS HAVING A "BORDERLINE MANIC PERSONALITY" AKA HAVING ONE OF THE MOST DEMONIZED MENTAL ILLNESSES OUT THERE, ENDS UP ACTING AS THE GOD DAMN VILLAIN OF THE STORY IS A HOT GARBAGE TAKE WHEN YOU FACTOR IN THINGS LIKE POOR WRITING NOT MAKING IT CLEAR WHETHER OR NOT NEWTON IS EVEN IN CONTROL OF HIS OWN FACULTIES AND THE VAGUENESS OF "WILL HE BE 'REDEEMED' OR NOT" BEING UP IN THE AIR LIKELY NEVER TO BE CANONICALLY FUCKING ANSWERED BECAUSE BECKHAM AND DEKNIGHT SHAT OUT A MOVIE THAT BOMBED IN THE BOX OFFICE. we aren't even gonna TALK about the fact that this bitch got AWAY with it despite not even acting in a remotely stable way comparable to himself in the first movie in the 10 years he supposedly dropped off the map from all of his friends because, clearly, hermann hadn't seen him or he wouldn't be so excited with a picture of the two of them on his desk, nor would he have to tell newton about his idea for rocket thrusters with kaiju blood fuel because he would have simply written to him about it. for some strange reason people see his ass show up decked out in a suit he wouldn't even wear for Stacker Fucking Pentecost and a behavior of "Haha Gotta Listen To The Boss" and think "ah, yes, well, time changes a person. THIS BITCH HAS APPARENTLY BEEN LIKE THIS THE WHOLE TIME, YOU THINK HE GOT A JOB WITH LIWEN LOOKING AND ACTING LIKE HE DID BEFORE AND THERE WAS A SHIFT OVER TIME? NO, HE HAD TO HAVE CHANGED IN A SPLIT DECISION AND LIED ABOUT HIMSELF THROUGH HIS TEETH AND NO ONE CONTACTED HIM, OR WAS WORRIED ABOUT HIM, OR DECIDEDLY THOUGHT "YOU KNOW, HE MAY BE EMBOLDENED THAT HE SAVED THE WORLD, BUT I THINK SOMETHING LIKE THAT WOULD HAVE THE EXACT OPPOSITE EFFECT ON HIM AND HE WOULD DO HIS BEST TO AMPLIFY HIS CURRENT STANDING TRAITS. LISTENING TO AND KISSING THE BOOT OF AUTHORITY FIGURES? DIVORCING HIMSELF FROM HIS WORK WITH KAIJU XENOBIOLOGY THAT EVEN HERMANN PICKED UP? TO BECOME THE THING HE HATES? AND FOR WHAT? MONEY? FAME? BITCH WHO ARE YOU?" unreasonable. ridiculous attempt to do this just for a plot twist that was underwhelming at best. i've decided to stick to the fan theory that he was not in control 99% of the time but literally that movie causes such a hellfire path to appear in my wake as i think about it because i know people who don't take it like that and think newt wants what's happening because "haha horny kaiju man" and i wish to scream at the top of my lungs because this is exactly WHY you CANNOT spare ANY EXPENSE to the GOOD, PROPER, INTRICATE directing and writing of a character who is neurodivergent and also ONE OF THE CENTERS OF NOT JUST THE MOVIE YOU'RE WRITING, BUT THE FUCKING MOVIE AFTER THAT. i could go on but i sincerely don't fucking want to, despite how long i've been waiting for someone to willingly hear me out on all of this. all i'll say is if by some miracle they are greenlit for a third film and deknight's working on it and i see ANY sign of a bury your gays end for newt, i'm going to commit the first hate crime against a cishet white male.

to end, the only valid kaiju in that movie was the mega-kaiju, i don't remember the appearance or the names of the three that got through the breaches but the mega-kaiju could kill me and i'd die happy 🥰 beautiful design, that scale comparison when it came face to face with newt? amazing, chills, *chef's kiss* there are exactly two things i liked about uprising and that bitch is one of them.

sorry if this isn't what you wanted, but as i said i am in a bit of a bad mood and have been curled up in bed trying not to think that i'm dying and i've repressed all of this for a couple months now and very few people have actually heard PORTIONS of my frustration so. here it is.