#this goal by two hot guys was very hot itself

[fournorthamericans]

Adam Ruzicka to Mikhail Maltsev to tie the game at 2.

Spartak vs. Dinamo Minsk - 09.09.24

[solxamber]

Trash Novel Chronicles: Love Triangles and Royal Rumbles - Leona Kingscholar x Reader

When you get isekai'd as the male lead in the novel where your favorite character, Leona Kingscholar is the second male lead, all that's left to do is rewrite the romance!

Series Masterlist

You're just an average person, doing normal human things like eating, sleeping, and, of course, staring at your poster of Leona Kingscholar for three hours straight. Totally healthy behavior. People have hobbies, right? Some knit, some jog, and you…? You defend your fictional lion husband from slander on the internet. You’re practically a digital knight in shining armor.

The story that has consumed your very soul? Oh, just your typical Cliché Villainess Academy Novel: Revenge Edition™. The plot is so by-the-book, it’s basically a war crime against creativity. Female lead? She’s been in love with the male lead since he gave some boring welcome speech that apparently hit her so hard, her brain rewired itself into a romantic mess.

The villainess? Obviously in love with the male lead too, but her one and only goal in life is making the heroine’s existence a never-ending trainwreck of public embarrassment. And the male lead? Sweet summer child. He just wants to get his degree and avoid eye contact with all of these lunatics.

Enter: Leona Kingscholar, the second male lead. The man, the myth, the walking sarcasm machine. He’s there purely to fuel jealousy in everyone else’s love story, but for you? He’s everything. The brooding, lazy, hot second male lead who rolls his eyes at every plot point like he’s just as done with this novel as you are. He has better things to do, like nap, but here he is, dragged into this mess by proximity.

If it were up to you, he and the male lead would run off together, leave the heroine and villainess to start their own hobby club about emotional devastation, and the two guys would live happily ever after in matching beach chairs somewhere.

But no. Instead, you’re stuck reading about her fawning over him while Leona is just… there. Existing. The only thing keeping your interest alive.

And now? Now, your loyalty to Leona Kingscholar is about to pay off. The fan event of the century is just days away. It’s going to be glorious. A whole day dedicated to Leona—merch, fan contests, life-sized cardboard cutouts (which, let’s be honest, you’re ready to risk it all for). You've cleared your schedule, mentally prepared yourself for the inevitable squealing, and created a battle plan for acquiring the best merch before everyone else.

But fate? Fate’s cruel.

You’re casually defending Leona’s honor online as usual, battling some no-name troll who dares to claim that the male lead is "better written." (HA! You laugh in their wrong face.) But then—what’s this? A an likes your tweet about Leona! And not just any author. THE ONE YOU LOVE. The serotonin shoots through you like an adrenaline shot straight to the brain.

Your heart’s racing. You’re vibrating at a frequency only dogs can hear. You leap out of your chair like some majestic gazelle—or at least that’s what you tell yourself as you promptly trip over the plushie army that guards your floor.

Before you know it, you’re tumbling, body flailing like a noodle, bouncing down the stairs in what feels like slow motion. The world spins. Your merch shelves mock you from the distance. You land at the bottom in a heap, your soul floating just above your body.

"Is this… how it ends?" you wheeze, gasping for breath, more in shock than pain. As your vision starts to fade, all you can think is: I never made it to the Leona event….

And with that, you die. Crushed under the weight of fandom.

You wake up, and your first thought isn’t the usual, “Oh, I’ve been isekai’d into a new world, how fascinating, I’ll have time to adjust in a moment of peace and reflection.” No. You wake up and it hits you like a brick: Oh no. Female lead.

But then, a beam of hope breaks through the clouds of despair and shines down on you like a heavenly spotlight: Wait. Leona Kingscholar is here.

Before you can even revel in the thought of being in the same universe as your broody lion crush, reality smacks you upside the head. Loud voices are pulling you back to the scene unfolding right in front of your very eyes.

You blink. Hold on. This is not a bedroom, and this is definitely not a private moment to gather your thoughts like in every other isekai novel. Oh no, you’ve been thrown directly into the group project scene.

You know, the one where the villainess is sharpening her claws on the heroine while Leona watches from the sidelines like he’s two seconds away from a permanent nap? Yeah, you’re smack in the middle of it.

The villainess, looking as pissed off as usual, is glaring daggers at the trembling heroine, who is staring at you with those wide, teary eyes like you’re supposed to swoop in and save her from this verbal smackdown.

And that’s when it hits you: you’re the male lead. The original goody-two-shoes, justice-loving male lead who always stepped in to defend the heroine. The one who got suckered into every cliché moment, complete with sparkles and heroic speeches about morality and blah blah blah.

Not you, though.

You take one look at the heroine. She’s giving you this look like you’re her knight in shining armor, expecting you to throw yourself in front of her and deliver some dramatic monologue about kindness and decency. And you? You're mentally checking out of this scene faster than the speed of light.

Nah. You’re not about that life.

Your gaze drifts to Leona, sitting on the far side of the room, slouched over like he’s wondering why he’s being subjected to this emotional soap opera when he could be napping. His face screams "done," and honestly? Same. He meets your gaze, eyes half-lidded and bored, probably hoping you’ll do the usual male lead routine and put an end to this nonsense.

But oh no, today’s different.

You casually stroll over to where Leona is sitting, ignoring the drama unfolding behind you. With the swagger of someone who knows exactly what they’re about to do is going to blow some minds, you hold out your hand to him. "So, uh… you want to ditch this disaster and go take a nap? Or maybe raid the kitchens? I’m thinking we play hooky and pretend this never happened."

Leona’s eyes flicker with surprise for half a second. The male lead? The goody-two-shoes-moral-compass of the entire plot? The guy who literally lived to stop drama in its tracks? Is offering to blow off this whole mess? He raises an eyebrow, smirking like the cat who caught the canary.

"Didn’t think you had it in you," Leona drawls, but you can tell he’s already down for this. "Alright. Let’s go. If anyone asks, I’m gonna say you dragged me out."

"Deal," you say, trying not to look too smug. And with that, you turn on your heel, and with Leona at your side, you head for the door, leaving behind a shell-shocked villainess and a teary-eyed heroine who’s probably still processing the fact that her supposed knight in shining armor just dipped.

As you and Leona stroll out, you hear the villainess mutter, “What… just happened?” and you can’t help but grin. You may have just turned the plot upside down, but at least you’re doing it in style.

"Hey, Leona," you say, nudging him, "think we can find some of those fancy desserts in the kitchen? I’m starving."

Leona snorts, shoving his hands into his pockets. "If you’re buying, sure."

And just like that, the male lead and the second male lead walk off into the sunset—or rather, the campus courtyard—hand in hand with a new mission: Avoiding all future plot nonsense at all costs.

You’re not sure how you got here, staring at the over-the-top ball decorations like you’ve stepped into a bargain bin fairytale, but hey, life has taken a weird turn lately. You, of all people, are living out the plot of a novel so cliché it makes your head hurt.

But you guess that’s what happens when you get isekai’d into a second-rate villainess story. The only thing missing is a glass slipper and some woodland creatures to sing with.

And of course, surprise! The ball isn’t just some casual evening of sipping punch and avoiding the villainess’s death stares. No, if you don’t nail the ball, you don’t graduate. Because nothing says "academic achievement" like knowing how to waltz while dressed like a background character from Bridgerton.

So here you are, in ball lessons, where everyone is nervously pairing off while you’re trying not to roll your eyes into another dimension. The heroine, with her usual doe-eyed sparkle, gets paired with you first. And let’s be real: she’s either terrible at dancing, or she’s using this as an excuse to get you to hold her close.

But you? Oh no. You’ve read enough of this garbage to know where that’s going, and you have zero interest in playing out the “close embrace, sparks flying, almost-kiss” trope. Absolutely not.

As soon as the music starts, you decide it’s time to act. You let your feet stumble—deliberately, of course—and flail around like you’ve never seen a ballroom floor in your life. The heroine, bless her clueless heart, giggles like she thinks you’re just being cute, but you’re not about to humor this. When the instructor’s eyes lock onto you, you seize the opportunity.

"Oh no!" you say dramatically, throwing a hand over your forehead like you’re in some kind of soap opera. "I’m so bad at this. Could someone please teach me how to dance?"

You pause, glance around the room, and then lock eyes with Leona Kingscholar.

"Leona!" you shout, loud enough that the whole room freezes. "You’re the second prince! You must’ve had etiquette lessons, right? Teach me how to dance!"

The room collectively loses its mind. The heroine looks like you’ve just slapped her with a glove and challenged her to a duel. The villainess is staring at you like you’ve lost your marbles. And Leona? Leona’s expression is somewhere between utter confusion and why me.

Leona leans back, crossing his arms, visibly annoyed. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” he mutters, but there’s no denying the faint twitch of a smirk at the corner of his mouth when he sees the heroine and villainess get shoved into an awkward dancing pair together.

Despite his clear irritation, Leona steps forward, because let’s face it, he’s the kind of guy who’ll humor you if it means avoiding worse drama. You slide into position with him, and honestly? You’re in heaven. You can barely focus on your feet, too busy trying to hide your grin while you imagine all the drama this is causing behind you.

Meanwhile, the heroine and the villainess are floundering around, tripping over each other like they’ve got two left feet each. The villainess is grinding her teeth, and the heroine keeps stepping on her toes. It’s a glorious disaster.

Leona, despite his annoyance, is surprisingly good at this. He’s leading with the kind of effortless grace that makes you wonder how someone so lazy can still be so competent at everything. You’re definitely not staring at his sharp features while he dances, not at all.

"You do realize this is a waste of time, right?" Leona grumbles under his breath, his eyes flicking to the chaos unfolding behind you. "Why me, herbivore? You could’ve asked anyone else."

You just shrug, trying not to sound too smug. "What can I say? I have excellent taste in dance partners."

Leona’s brow twitches like he’s torn between smirking and rolling his eyes. "Yeah, sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night." But the smirk wins out, especially when the villainess and heroine fumble yet again, nearly toppling over each other.

You glance up at him, beaming. Leona Kingscholar might be annoyed, but he’s not stopping anytime soon. And you? You’re just here for the ride, watching the heroine and villainess self-destruct from the safety of Leona’s arms.

Ball lessons? Piece of cake.

You’ve been doing everything humanly possible to avoid the female lead like she’s a carrier of the medieval plague. You thought you’d be safe here, hiding behind your “I’m too busy and mysterious for romance” persona, but no—somehow—the more you avoid her, the more she’s convinced that you’re the dark, brooding, irresistible male lead she’s always dreamed of.

You know, the type who avoids emotional connections but secretly harbors a heart of gold. But the truth is, you’re just a guy trying to get through the day so you can swoon over Leona Kingscholar in peace.

It’s not like you’ve been subtle about it either. You’ve been dropping hints left and right, hoping the universe would give you a break and let the female lead fall in love with literally anyone else. But no. Somehow, everyone is ignoring your very obvious affection for Leona.

It’s like you’re stuck in a tragic comedy where the female lead falls harder for you the more you try to disappear, and Leona just… well, he’s just living his best life, completely unaware of your internal screaming.

Take the latest tea party, for example. You were just trying to enjoy some pastries, maybe steal a glance at Leona from across the table, when the heroine decides to make her move. She picks up a delicate slice of cake and holds it out to you, eyes sparkling with that innocent-yet-hopeful look that says, “This is our moment.”

You? You’re not having any of that. Nope. No way. You’re not about to be part of this rom-com narrative. So, without missing a beat, you casually take the cake from her and, in one smooth motion, turn and offer it to Leona, who’s lounging lazily next to you, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else.

Leona raises an eyebrow at you, clearly baffled by why you’re holding out cake like he’s some sort of royal who expects to be hand-fed. “What are you doing?” he mutters, looking suspiciously between you and the cake.

“Just thought you’d like some,” you say with a straight face, ignoring the heroine’s stunned expression. She’s sitting there, fork still poised in the air, blinking rapidly like you’ve just committed the greatest betrayal of the century.

Leona huffs, looking mildly irritated but mostly confused. After a pause, he shrugs and leans forward, taking a bite of the cake without even bothering to lift his own hand. “Whatever,” he mutters between chews. “Tastes fine.”

You nod, satisfied. Meanwhile, the heroine looks like she’s on the verge of tears, and the villainess is smirking in the background like she’s about to take out popcorn and enjoy the drama.

Later that day, you find a nice, quiet spot under a tree to relax. You’ve managed to avoid any major incidents so far, and for once, you’re not being dragged into some dramatic showdown. You lie back, close your eyes, and just let yourself chill. But, of course, the universe doesn’t want you to have peace.

Enter Leona.

Without a word, he flops down next to you, takes one look at your position, and decides—out of all the places he could sit—that your lap is the best pillow option available. You feel his head plop down on your lap like this is the most normal thing in the world. You stare down at him, completely dumbfounded, while he just closes his eyes and lets out a long, satisfied sigh.

“Leona?” you start, voice half bewildered, half amused. “You good?”

“Shut up,” he mutters without opening his eyes. “You’re more comfortable than the grass.”

You blink at him, not sure whether to laugh or cry. Meanwhile, the villainess strolls by, spots the two of you under the tree, and comes to an immediate halt. Her face contorts into a mix of disbelief and confusion, like she’s just witnessed something unholy. You can almost hear her mental scream of, what the hell is going on here?!

She doesn’t say anything, though. Just stands there, hands clenched, before turning on her heel and storming off. You don’t even care. You’re too busy reveling in the fact that Leona chose your lap as his personal resting place. If that isn’t a win, you don’t know what is.

And then, of course, there’s the infamous hallway incident. The heroine—who, by this point, you’re pretty sure has developed some kind of radar for finding you—comes running toward you. She trips over something (the air? her own foot? you don’t know) and launches herself straight into your arms in what is clearly an attempt to trigger some rom-com, slow-motion embrace.

But you? You’re not here for this.

With the reflexes of a seasoned avoider, you sidestep her dramatic fall, and she goes face-first into the floor. There’s a stunned silence as she lies there, unmoving, probably processing how she ended up eating dirt.

You glance over at Leona, who’s watching the whole thing with a lazy smirk, clearly enjoying the trainwreck. You give him a slight nod of approval, and he just rolls his eyes, a small grin still tugging at his lips.

The villainess, standing a few feet away, is laughing her head off. She’s doubled over, clutching her stomach, while the heroine’s dignity is scattered all over the floor. But you? You’re just staring at Leona, completely ignoring the chaos around you.

Somehow, despite all the madness, you can’t help but think: this is fine.

The day of the big spelldrive match arrives, and the heroine has never looked more confident in her life. She’s decked out in her team’s colors, standing tall at the edge of the field, waiting for you to join her in your usual spot. You know, like a loyal dog. A loyal, obedient dog who always does what she expects.

But not today.

Today, you roll up to the game decked out head to toe in full Savanaclaw merch. We're talking a custom jersey with Leona’s name on the back, a headband, face paint, and—just to really emphasize the point—a Savanaclaw banner tied around your neck like you’ve decided to cosplay as Captain Lion Fang.

You take your seat in the Savanaclaw section and immediately start hyping up the crowd like you’re getting paid for it. The heroine spots you from across the field and stares like she’s watching a crime scene unfold in real-time. Meanwhile, Leona’s already spotted you, and the smug smirk on his face tells you he’s LOVING the attention.

The game kicks off, and with each goal Leona scores, you’re going feral.

You’re screaming your lungs out, waving your banner around like you’re auditioning for some weird mascot gig. People are looking at you like you’ve lost your mind, but you don’t care. This is YOUR moment.

Leona, on the field, is living for it. Every time he glances your way, he adds a little extra flair to his plays, just to make you scream louder. He scores, and you’re on your feet, jumping up and down like you’ve won the lottery.

At this point, the heroine is practically catatonic. Her world is crumbling before her eyes. You can practically see her brain struggling to process what she’s witnessing: you, her loyal supporter, decked out in Savanaclaw gear and cheering for her rival.

“I... I don’t understand…” she whispers, her voice trembling like she’s been betrayed by the universe itself. “Why aren’t you cheering for us?”

You turn to her with all the nonchalance of someone who’s just ordered fries at a drive-thru. “Uh… Leona’s hot?”

It’s like you slapped her across the face with a wet fish. She stands there, frozen, her eyes wide, like she’s witnessing the fall of an empire. "B-But... you're supposed to support me!"

Before you can reply with another devastating truth bomb, Leona casually strolls over after winning the game, looking like he just walked out of a perfume ad. His hair’s tousled, a thin sheen of sweat making him look even more annoyingly handsome. He stops in front of you, smirking like he’s been planning this moment his entire life.

"Didn’t know you were my biggest fan," he drawls, voice low and lazy. “Gotta say, I’m impressed with your enthusiasm. Screamin’ my name like that… kinda hard to ignore.”

You open your mouth, ready to fire back with something witty, but what comes out is more of a high-pitched squeak, followed by, “Hahaha, Y-Yeah… you’re welcome?”

And then, the words that break you: “How ‘bout we celebrate with a nap?”

Your brain freezes. A nap? You? With Leona? Your heart is doing cartwheels while the rest of your organs are busy melting into a puddle. Your mouth is moving, but all that comes out is an unintelligible “Uhhuhmm.”

Leona chuckles, clearly enjoying how flustered you are. He reaches out, grabbing your wrist, and starts dragging you off with him—right in front of everyone. He doesn’t even care that the entire field is watching. He’s already made up his mind.

The heroine, meanwhile, is standing there in stunned silence, her brain fully blue-screening as she watches you and Leona disappear. She’s still processing the Leona’s comment when the villainess, who has been observing this whole disaster unfold, finally chimes in from the sidelines with a shrug.

“Well, as long as it’s not the heroine,” she says, flicking her hair back with an air of satisfaction. “This is fine.”

And off you go, being dragged to a nap date you’re definitely not mentally prepared for, your face burning hotter than the sun. Leona glances back at you, that smug smirk still plastered on his face. "You’re lookin’ a little red there. You sure you’re up for this?"

You sputter, tripping over your own words. "I-I’m fine! Totally fine! Nap? Cool! Casual napping! No big deal!”

Leona just chuckles again, clearly entertained by how much you're floundering. “If you say so. Just don’t pass out before we get there.”

Yeah. Don’t pass out. Easier said than done when the man of your dreams is casually dragging you off to nap like it's no big deal while your brain screams at you in ten different languages.

This is fine. Totally fine. You’re fine.

Maybe.

You were sitting with Jack and Ruggie at the cafeteria, chatting about nothing in particular—well, Jack was chatting. Ruggie was there purely because you promised to pay for his lunch. Still, you’d like to think that maybe, just maybe, he stuck around because he actually enjoyed your company. Maybe.

“So, any tips on how to deal with midterms?” Jack asked, ears twitching as he looked at you with that wide-eyed eagerness that only first-years ever had. He was honestly like a giant puppy, trying so hard to be good.

You leaned back in your chair, doing your best impression of a wise and worldly senior, which mostly involved pretending you weren’t sweating about your own midterms. “My advice? Caffeine. And if you have the chance to sleep, take it. Oh, and don’t forget to eat. I learned that one the hard way.”

Jack nodded seriously, committing it all to memory like you were passing down sacred knowledge. Meanwhile, Ruggie was on his third helping of food, barely acknowledging the conversation.

"Hey, if you're handing out wisdom, how ‘bout you tell me how to get free food more often?” Ruggie said between bites, shooting you a cheeky grin.

“Isn’t that already your specialty?” you shot back, eyeing the mountain of food in front of him.

He just laughed. “Can’t argue with that, but having backup plans never hurt.”

Before you could respond, you felt a shadow fall over the table. You looked up, half expecting it to be the heroine or some random classmate, but nope. It was Leona. Leona, who you were 99% sure had skipped class because he always skips class. And he looked… annoyed?

Oh no.

He ignored Jack and Ruggie completely, his sharp gaze zeroing in on you like you’d committed some grave crime. “Oi, herbivore,” he drawled, hands in his pockets like this wasn’t weird at all. “Let’s go.”

“Go where?” you asked, blinking up at him. Leona never approached people unless he wanted something.

“To the tree,” he said flatly, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“The tree?” Jack echoed, ears perking up in confusion.

Ruggie, on the other hand, was grinning like the Cheshire Cat. “Oho~ Someone’s in demand.”

Leona shot Ruggie a look that could’ve curdled milk. “Shut it, Ruggie.”

Your brain was still trying to process the situation. You were sitting here, minding your own business, giving sage advice about caffeine and survival, and now Leona was dragging you off to his tree like it was completely normal?

He didn’t wait for an answer. He just grabbed your wrist, yanking you up from your seat as if this was some kind of kidnap situation, and started walking toward the courtyard.

“Uh—Leona? What’s going on?” you asked, doing your best to keep up without tripping over your own feet.

Leona didn’t even look back. “You’re talkin’ too much. Need some peace and quiet.”

You blinked, thoroughly confused but not necessarily mad about being dragged off. It’s just… “Why am I involved in your nap plans?”

“’Cause I said so.”

Wow, cryptic. You were about to ask again when you reached the tree. The infamous Leona nap spot. He plopped down against the trunk and, before you could protest, pulled you down next to him. Without another word, he stretched out and—because apparently boundaries didn’t exist—rested his head on your lap.

This was… This was happening.

You glanced around, half expecting to see a camera crew pop out and tell you this was some elaborate prank, but nope. Leona was lounging on you like it was the most natural thing in the world, eyes already closed, arms crossed behind his head.

“Uh, Leona?”

“Shut up. M’ tryin’ to sleep.”

You stared down at him, your brain short-circuiting. This was the third time this week he’d done this. Just… kidnapped you for a nap. What was his deal? Was your lap particularly comfortable? Did you radiate some kind of sleepy aura? What was going on here?

Meanwhile, from the distance, you spotted her. The villainess. Watching. For the third time in as many days. And you could see it. You could see the moment she put the pieces together. Her eyes widened in slow realization, her lips twitching into a smirk. She knew. She finally knew.

When Leona finally woke up—after what felt like hours of you sitting there, too dazed to move—you were free. For now. He stretched lazily and gave you a casual “Thanks,” as if this wasn’t the most bizarre situation you’d ever been in, and you quickly scrambled away, making your way back to the dorms with your head spinning.

And that’s when the villainess cornered you.

Oh no.

There she was, leaning against the doorframe with a knowing look, her sharp gaze trained on you like a predator sizing up its prey. You swallowed nervously. She was about to confront you about the heroine, wasn’t she? This was it. This was the moment. Was she going to declare some rivalry? Challenge you to a duel? Confess to you? Make this whole thing painfully awkward?

She smiled, and it was not the evil grin you were expecting. “I’m on your side.”

You blinked. “…What?”

She pushed off the wall, stepping closer, her eyes gleaming with a new kind of intensity. “Leona. I know you’re after him.”

Your heart stopped. This was it. She was going to call you out and—wait, what did she just say?

“I’ll help you confess to Leona,” she said, matter-of-factly. “On one condition.”

You were staring at her like she’d just sprouted wings and started speaking in tongues. “You… will?”

She nodded. “Yes. If you help me become more influential than that heroine, I’ll help you get Leona to notice you more.”

You blinked again, processing her words. She wanted your help to outshine the heroine, and in exchange, she’d be your wingwoman? Wingwoman?!

You grinned, holding out your hand for a dramatic shake. “Hell yeah.”

She clasped your hand, her smile mirroring yours. "Consider it a deal."

And just like that, you walked away from the most unexpected alliance of your life, fully equipped with a villainess-turned-wingwoman and a new plan to win over Leona.

Honestly? Life was getting weirder by the day.

“Okay, so just to confirm,” Ruggie’s eyes glinted with mischief as he leaned back in his chair, arms folded behind his head. “You want us to sit through this poetry reading,” he said, drawing out the word like it was some cursed phrase, “and cheer for the villainess. And in return, I get all the food left over?”

“Yup,” you nodded, trying to keep a straight face.

“And Jack’s here because…?”

“I asked him nicely.”

Jack shrugged, tail flicking behind him. “I’m just here to help.”

Ruggie snorted, glancing at you with a grin. “This better be some damn good poetry then. And the food better be worth it.”

“Oh, trust me,” you said, patting Ruggie on the back. “It will be.”

Little did you know, this was going to be a disaster of epic proportions.

The poetry reading started as expected—with the heroine striding up to the front of the room, practically glowing under the dim spotlight. She cleared her throat, clasped her hands dramatically, and began.

“It was a night… much like tonight…”

Your first instinct was to cringe, but you held it in, glancing sideways at Jack and Ruggie. Jack was doing his best to stay stoic, but you could see his ears twitching in discomfort. Ruggie had his hand over his mouth, clearly biting back laughter.

The poem continued, painfully dragging on about stars and roses and something about “destiny’s kiss.” By the time she reached the end, there was a collective sigh of relief from the audience. You weren’t even sure what you had just listened to, but you knew it wasn’t good.

Jack… Jack was crying. You stared at him, horrified. “Are you okay?”

“It’s… it’s so bad,” he sniffed, wiping his eyes. “I didn’t know poetry could be this bad.”

Ruggie had his face buried in his hands, shoulders shaking with silent laughter. “This is better than I thought,” he wheezed.

You shot him a look, but even you had to admit, this was pure comedy gold. Poor Jack had no idea what hit him.

The villainess, bless her heart, was watching all of this unfold with a look of shock and confusion, but when it was finally her turn to read, she stepped up like a queen. Her voice was smooth, the words flowing like silk, and you couldn’t help but be genuinely impressed. She absolutely killed it.

The plan was working perfectly. You and your crew started clapping, cheering like you were at a rock concert. Jack, who was still recovering from the emotional trauma of the heroine’s poem, clapped too, albeit more quietly.

But just as you were about to get even louder, you felt a hand on your shoulder. “Oi, sit down,” Leona grumbled, pulling you back into your seat.

“What��?”

He didn’t offer any explanation, just kept you firmly seated next to him, his face set in a bored expression. You blinked in confusion but decided not to argue. It wasn’t like you didn’t enjoy sitting next to Leona… it was just weird.

And by the grin the villainess was sporting, it seems like everything went exactly according to plan. Both for her and you.

After the poetry reading wrapped up, you gathered the leftovers like you promised. Ruggie was already hovering around, practically drooling over the spread.

“Here, take it all,” you said, handing the basket over. “Deal’s a deal.”

Ruggie beamed, clutching the food to his chest like a treasure hoard. “Pleasure doing business with ya!”

Jack was much more polite, bowing his head slightly. “Thanks for the notes. They’ll be a big help.”

“Anytime,” you replied with a smile, watching the two of them head off. Ruggie was already halfway through a sandwich, talking a mile a minute, while Jack followed along, still looking like he might need therapy after the heroine’s performance.

That left you alone… with Leona, who had been standing off to the side, arms crossed, watching you with an unreadable expression.

“What?” you asked, half-expecting him to complain about something. He always had something to complain about.

“You mind explaining what the hell that was?”

“Uh… what do you mean?”

Leona’s tail flicked in irritation, his eyes narrowing. “I’m talking about you, whispering and giggling with that villainess all the time. What, you after her now that you ditched the heroine?”

You blinked at him, utterly baffled. “What? No, of course not. Why would I be after her?”

Leona’s jaw clenched. “You tell me. All I’ve seen is you hangin’ around with her, whispering, plottin’... I’ve seen how you look at her.”

It took a moment for your brain to catch up, but then it hit you like a ton of bricks.

Oh my god. He was jealous.

A slow grin spread across your face as the realization sunk in. Leona, Leona Kingscholar, was jealous. And over you.

Before you could stop yourself, you leaned forward and planted a quick kiss on his cheek. “You’re jealous~.”

Leona froze, his eyes widening for a split second before narrowing dangerously. “What?”

“You’re jealous,” you repeated, giddiness bubbling up inside you. You could barely contain your excitement. “You’re jealous of me hanging out with the villainess!”

Leona’s lips pulled into a thin line. “You’re imagining things.”

“Oh no, no, no,” you grinned even wider, poking him in the chest. “You’re totally jealous!”

Leona growled, looking thoroughly annoyed now, but before he could snap back, you quickly explained. “Look, I made a deal with her. I help her become more influential than the heroine, and she helps me… confess to you.”

Leona blinked, taken aback, his tail flicking behind him as if processing the information. Then, in true Leona fashion, his expression shifted from irritation to smugness in record time.

“Oh?”

You sighed, shaking your head. “Yeah, so you don’t have to worry about me chasing after anyone else.”

Leona stepped closer, his voice dropping low, that usual lazy drawl making your heart do a little flip. “Good. But just so you know, cheek kisses aren’t real kisses.”

Before you could ask what he meant, Leona leaned in and kissed you—properly kissed you. Your eyes went wide for a second before you melted into it, feeling the heat of his lips against yours. He pulled back after what felt like forever, a smirk on his face as he watched you try to catch your breath.

“There. That’s a real kiss,” he murmured, his voice dripping with smug satisfaction.

You stared at him, dazed, and then a sudden realization hit you.

You left your entire life behind, all for this moment.

And you were so, so glad that stupid plushie was on the floor, because this? This was totally worth it.

The heroine’s voice was as sweet as it was grating, like sugar poured directly into your ears. She fluttered her eyelashes at you, her smile stretched painfully wide. “So, I was thinking,” she began, twirling a lock of hair around her finger. “You would make the perfect knight for my family! Don’t you think so?”

You blinked, trying to figure out a way to escape. “Uh… I’m kind of busy with, you know, my own life?”

“Oh, but imagine!” she gushed, not hearing a word you said. “We’d be so close all the time—like, so close. You could protect me, and maybe… we could have a picnic under the stars? Very romantic, right?”

Your soul was trying to leave your body. You were pretty sure Jack’s ears twitched somewhere nearby, sensing your pain telepathically. And then, like a gift from the heavens, the villainess—your beloved accomplice in all things anti-heroine—made her appearance.

“Sorry to interrupt,” she said, stepping between you and the heroine with the grace of someone who had seen this movie before and knew exactly how to cut to the good parts. “But I need them for an urgent matter. A very important, not-at-all-romantic-but-very-necessary mission.”

You shot her a look of pure gratitude, but before she could fully rescue you from the heroine’s death trap of unwanted flirting, a shadow loomed over the scene. A very familiar shadow.

Leona.

Without saying a word, he strode up behind you and casually wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you back against his chest with an ease that had your heart skipping a beat. He rested his chin on your shoulder, his sharp green eyes fixed on the heroine.

“Oh no, carry on,” he said lazily, but his tone was anything but. “I’m just here to see what my mate is up to.”

The heroine blinked in shock, her hands hovering mid-air as if she had no idea what to do with this development. “Y-Your mate?”

“Yeah,” Leona said, tightening his grip around you, his smirk downright feral. “So whatever little fantasy you’re cooking up about romantic picnics or whatever—cut it out. This one’s mine.”

You felt Leona’s lips brush against your temple before he leaned in and, in full view of the now-utterly-horrified heroine, kissed the side of your neck. Slowly. Possessively.

You could almost hear the villainess muffling a laugh behind her hand.

The heroine’s face turned several shades of red as she stammered. “B-But I—”

“You,” Leona said, his tone dripping with amusement, “can fuck right off.”

The heroine gasped, her hand flying to her chest like she’d been physically struck. “You can’t just say that to me!”

Leona raised a brow, looking thoroughly unimpressed. “I’m literally the second prince. I can say whatever the hell I want.”

The heroine opened her mouth to argue, but then realized that, no, actually, she couldn’t argue with the literal second prince staking his claim. She sputtered for a moment before storming off, no doubt to sob dramatically about her dashed romantic hopes.

Once she was out of sight, the villainess finally let out a snort of laughter. “That was beautiful.”

Leona ignored her, his grip still firm around you as he leaned down to whisper, “Next time, you won’t need her to help you out. Just say my name, and I’ll be there to deal with the pests.”

You stared at him, a little dazed from the whole whirlwind of possessiveness, public displays of affection, and telling someone to ‘fuck right off.’ “You really went for it, huh?”

Leona smirked, leaning in for another kiss. “Damn right I did. And don’t you forget it.”

Somewhere behind you, the villainess was still giggling. You were pretty sure this was going to be gossip for weeks.

But honestly? Totally worth it.

Graduation day—the moment where everyone’s future plans would be declared, and all the chess pieces would fall into place. Or, in your case, the moment where you’d cause absolute chaos.

The grand hall was filled with eager anticipation. Everyone was dressed in their formal graduation robes, students buzzing with excitement over their new titles and responsibilities.

Leona, as expected, lounged at the back like a lion who had better things to do, half-asleep. Villainess stood tall and composed, already plotting her return to her family's estate. Heroine was in full glowing mode, ready to take her place as the beloved of the Grand Duchy.

And you? You stood at the podium, trying not to laugh. You knew what you were about to say would flip this graduation upside down.

One by one, people made their announcements.

When it was finally your turn, all eyes turned to you. The entire hall seemed to hold its breath, knowing the original male lead—you—was supposed to be the retainer of the heroine. It was all set, all according to plan, right?

Wrong.

You cleared your throat, glanced briefly at Leona who smirked lazily, and then made the declaration that would throw this script straight out the window. “I’ve decided to serve as Prince Leona’s right-hand man, personal secretary, and...well, whatever he needs.”

The silence that followed was glorious. Pure, dumbfounded silence.

King Falena, sitting in the front row, visibly blinked. Once. Twice. He tilted his head slightly, confusion written all over his usually composed face. “What?” he muttered, looking like someone just told him a desert hyena had enrolled in ballet school.

Leona, however, didn’t even open his eyes. He just smirked, crossing his arms smugly. “Told ya he’d choose me,” he murmured, almost too casually for someone who’d just stolen the original male lead’s entire plotline.

Falena’s gaze flicked between you and Leona, still processing. Then, slowly, realization dawned. He saw that look on Leona’s face—the one that said “mine, and I dare anyone to challenge it.” King Falena’s confusion morphed into surprise and then, with the subtlety of a royal diplomat, resignation. “Oh…” he whispered, finally understanding. “He’s down bad.”

Leona cracked an eye open just to catch his brother’s expression and grinned wider, like a cat who knew exactly what kind of bird it had in its claws.

Your parents, bless them, were in the crowd with expressions of supportive confusion. Your mother was squinting as if trying to work out if this was some sort of royal prank. Your father leaned in toward her, whispering loudly enough for the entire row to hear, “It’s a royal job, right? That’s prestigious?”

“Yeah, but… Leona?” your mom whispered back.

At this point, the heroine stood up, ready to throw a wrench into the works. “Wait! You’re supposed to be my—"

Before she could finish, the villainess, in all her dramatic glory, made her move. With the grace of a queen and the audacity of a mastermind, she stepped right up to the heroine, flipped her luxurious hair, and said, “Actually, I was going to ask you out.”

You blinked. Wait, what?

The entire room gasped. You could almost hear heads snapping toward the villainess like a collective whip crack.

Heroine’s mouth opened and closed like she was a fish drowning in air. “I—what?”

“Dinner. Candlelight. Maybe a picnic. You and me, a date. Sound good?” The villainess winked with such charm that even the professors in the back were wide-eyed.

Heroine blinked rapidly, as if trying to reboot her brain. “Uh… sure?” she squeaked, still reeling from the fact that her entire romantic arc had just gotten hijacked.

You stared at the villainess in pure confusion. “What just happened?” you whispered, looking at her for an explanation.

The villainess simply turned to you with a mischievous grin, giving you a sly thumbs-up like this had been part of her master plan all along.

You were still processing the fact that you were witnessing the greatest plot twist of all time. You returned a half-hearted, bewildered thumbs-up, unsure if this was a win or not.

Meanwhile, the professors up front were clearly on their last thread of patience. The head of the academy rubbed his temples, sighing deeply as if this whole day had aged him a decade. “That’s it,” he said, voice strained with exhaustion. “Everyone’s graduated. Just...leave. Please.”

And with that, the ceremony abruptly ended. You couldn’t help but laugh at the professor’s exasperation as the crowd started to disperse, still buzzing with gossip.

Leona slid up next to you, his hand casually resting on your waist as you walked out of the hall together. “So, my right-hand man, huh?”

You shrugged. “Figured I might as well make it official.”

Leona smirked, leaning down to murmur in your ear, “Just don’t expect me to go easy on you.”

You rolled your eyes, but your smile betrayed you. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

And then he kissed you. In front of everyone.

King Falena, witnessing this public display of territorial claims, just shook his head with a resigned sigh. “Well, as long as it’s official…” he muttered, casting an approving glance toward you. “Congratulations, I guess.”

Your parents were still in shock, but when they saw that it was a royal seal of approval, they immediately switched gears. “A royal job!” your mom whispered excitedly. “That’s so prestigious!”

With that, Leona tugged you away from the chaos, his arm never leaving your waist as you walked toward the exit. You glanced back one last time to see the heroine still staring blankly at the villainess, who had now looped her arm around her like it was the most normal thing in the world.

The head of the academy, now red in the face, shouted after you as you reached the door, “I SAID EVERYONE GO, FOR THE LOVE OF THE GREAT SEVEN!”

You walked out into the sunlight, trying not to laugh, while Leona leaned in, his lips brushing your ear as he murmured smugly, “Looks like you’re stuck with me.”

And honestly? You wouldn’t have it any other way.

It was a day like any other, except you were meeting the villainess in her newly acquired estate. She had officially taken over as the head of her family, and the new title suited her all too well. The whole place screamed, I am in charge, with a side of don’t even think about challenging me unless you want to cry in public. You admired the aesthetic.

The villainess greeted you with her usual regal flair, sweeping into the room like she’d been born to dominate it—which, to be fair, she had. She offered you tea, which you politely declined, sensing that this wasn’t just a casual catch-up.

"So, what's new with you, Lady Villainess?” you asked, leaning back, fully expecting some grand declaration about her political conquests or business victories.

She smiled—a dangerous, knowing smile that made you immediately suspicious. "Well, I wanted to tell you something rather... unexpected."

You raised an eyebrow. Unexpected? Coming from her? That had to be good.

"I'm dating the heroine," she said casually, sipping her tea as if she hadn't just dropped the biggest plot twist since the whole 'villainess takes over' arc.

You nearly choked on absolutely nothing, mouth hanging open in sheer disbelief. "Wait. What?"

She smiled serenely, her expression the perfect picture of innocence—which made it all the more ridiculous. “Yes, darling. The heroine and I are officially a couple.”

You blinked. “The same heroine who couldn’t tell a poisoned apple from a regular one if her life depended on it?”

“The very same.”

“The one who gets lost in her own estate if she turns too many corners?”

“Yes, that one.”

You couldn't help it. The sheer absurdity of the situation hit you, and you burst out laughing. "Oh, that is rich. How in the world did that happen?”

The villainess leaned back, looking thoroughly pleased with herself. “Oh, it was simple, really. I realized I was always drawn to her... naiveté. And once I stopped trying to sabotage her every move, well, things just fell into place.”

You were still laughing, shaking your head in disbelief. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for you two, but this is the best thing I’ve heard in weeks.”

The villainess gave you a mock glare. “Don’t act so surprised. I’ve always had impeccable taste.”

“Oh, impeccable taste, huh?” you teased. “I just didn’t expect it to lead you straight to a walking ball of sunshine.”

“Well, someone needs to keep her from wandering into traffic.”

Still snickering, you stood up. “Alright, alright, I get it. You’re a saint for dealing with her.”

“I know,” she sighed dramatically, “but love makes us do ridiculous things.”

"Tell me about it," you muttered, still amused. You waved goodbye and promised to catch up later, your mind reeling from this new, absolutely hilarious development.

When you got back to the palace, you found Leona lounging in his usual spot, sprawled out on a couch like a lion that had just taken over the whole savannah. He barely glanced up as you walked in, already sensing the amused energy radiating off you.

“You’re grinning like an idiot,” he muttered, rolling his eyes. “What happened?”

You plopped down next to him, barely containing your laughter. “You won’t believe this. The villainess is dating the heroine now.”

Leona’s eyes flicked open, and for a split second, he looked like he didn’t believe you. Then, slowly, a smirk spread across his face as he processed the information. “You’re messing with me.”

“Nope. Dead serious. They’re a couple now. In love.” You leaned in, grinning. “The villainess—ice queen herself—is head over heels for Miss Pure Sunshine.”

Leona actually chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief. “Well, I’ll be damned. Never saw that one coming.”

“I know, right? It’s the most chaotic thing ever, and I am living for it.”

Leona’s smirk turned into a full-on grin, which was rare enough to be considered a national treasure. He shifted, sitting up slightly. “You think we’ll get an invite to the wedding?”

You snorted. “Oh, you bet. I’m going to be front row just to see how she manages to keep the heroine from accidentally setting her own dress on fire.”

Leona’s laugh rumbled low in his chest, and he reached out, grabbing your wrist. “Come here,” he ordered, tugging you toward him.

“What? No, I’ve got work to do,” you protested weakly, but your protests didn’t mean much when he effortlessly pulled you into his lap.

“Work can wait. This is more important,” he grumbled, wrapping his arms around you in a possessive hug that made it very clear you weren’t going anywhere.

You sighed, leaning into him. “You just want to cuddle, don’t you?”

“I want you to stop running around and actually relax for once,” he retorted, resting his chin on top of your head. “Besides, it’s not like the kingdom’s gonna fall apart if we take a break.”

You rolled your eyes, but a smile tugged at your lips. “I should get a promotion. I’m basically doing all the work around here.”

Leona chuckled again, his grip tightening just slightly. “Yeah, well, don’t let Falena hear that. He might actually make you his advisor, and then I’ll never get any alone time with you.”

You snorted. “Oh please, you’d just kidnap me from work if that happened.”

“Damn right,” he muttered, his voice low and satisfied. “You’re mine, remember?”

You felt your heart do that annoying flutter thing as Leona’s possessive tone settled over you. Even when he was being a lazy lion, he made you feel like the most important thing in his life. It was comforting—and kind of hilarious, considering how little he cared about everything else.

The room fell into a comfortable silence, and for once, you actually allowed yourself to relax, leaning into Leona’s warmth. His arms tightened around you again, and you could feel the soft rise and fall of his chest as he started to drift off into a nap, his grip never loosening.

As you closed your eyes, you couldn’t help but think that, despite all the absurdities in your life—from slipping on a plushie to your best friend falling in love with her former rival—you wouldn’t trade any of it. Not for the world.

And as Leona’s breath slowed into the steady rhythm of sleep, you allowed yourself a small, contented smile.

Life was chaotic. But it was also perfect.

Series Masterlist ; Masterlist

Idia won the previous poll! Now for the next,

[allfattenedup]

You’ve mentioned gaining and losing, back and forth. What was your highest weight?

I never knew unfortunately. My scale at the time went up to 300lbs so lets just say it was somewhere over that 🫣 I don't think it was that much over though because it wasn't too long after I outgrew my scale that I freaked out and lost weight. I'd love to surpass my old weight though I'll say I'm way less interested in numbers this time around and more interested in how my body looks and feels. I have all these piggish aesthetic goals and they drive me fucking wild 🥵 I find it so so hot to be channeling my old vanity into a very different outcome.

It wasn't quite as back and forth yo-yoing as you might think, though. My trajectory is: fit guy > blew up super fast > freaked out and lost most of the weight I'd gained > came back to the gaining community as a slightly chubby "non-participant" lol > pretty quickly gave myself permission to just put back on a little bit of weight > gained slowly in half-denial for a year or two > finally got real with myself and said 'let's do this, let's get massively obese'

And hopefully it's all up from here 🥵😩 Although rapid weight gain is a major turn on for me, I'm intentionally trying to gain a lot slower this time so my body and mind can handle it and we won't have a repeat of the first time... which in itself is a hot consideration to have to make 🥵 I want this fat to be permanent

[elek-tavor]

i started watching the movies (for the first time) after finishing reading the hobbit and lotr, and here is my take on the thirteen dwarves' design after seeing an unexpected journey:

thorin. why does he look like a model? it's not exactly uncanny valley (like a certain other drawf i will be mentioning later), but he still looks instantly out of place among most dwarves. i wish they at least did something wild to his beard. but he does look cool and my gay ass isn't immune to a hot guy, even if he probably shouldn't be hot, so i'll give you that. 6/10

balin. WHY IS HE SO FUCKING OLD? this feels like a hate crime. he is literally canonically younger than thorin, and he looks like he is one foot in the grave. like, i understand that they are both a little under 200 years old at this point, but pick a fucking struggle?? either make thorin look like an old wrinkly man as well, or make balin look younger. also, the design itself is boring as fuck. 2/10

bofur. this one is my favourite. he looks very cozy but also a little scary. he could be heading out the back with an axe to chop some wood for a nice little fireplace. he could also be an axe murderer. he's actually the sweetest dwarf you'll ever meet. he reminds me of my grandpa. 11/10

kíli. WHY THE FUCK IS HE YASSIFIED? he literally looks like what i imagined aragorn to look like while reading lotr. he barely has a beard, his hair is just... long. this is some fucking guy. not a dwarf. i do not care that he has a romance plot - you don't need to yassify a dwarf for him to be in a relationship with an elf, just ask gimli. 0/10

fíli. this is a solid design of a younger dwarf. he has more braids in his hair than i can count. he has a weird long ass mustache and it's also braided. i can see him growing into a more unhinged look that most dwarves clearly have as he becomes older. but i do feel like he was cleaned up a little for a lesser contrast between him and his brother. 7/10

ori. he looks very cute. his design instantly makes him stand out and i feel like i already know his personality just by looking at him (which is great for a trilogy with such a huge cast). he's a silly little dwarf. perhaps a little naive. must be protected. 10/10

nori. somehow, i feel like this was the last design they worked on. what is going on on that head. is he the inventor of middle earth hairspray? if he is, he's doing the worst possible thing he could with it. this isn't quirky or interesting - it just looks bad. the beard is kind of cool, but there is still something off with it. 4/10

dwalin. this guy is here to maim and kill. i feel like his haircut choice isn't even due to male pattern baldness. he just wanted as much hair as possible AND head tattoos. he found his look. he has a scar on his face. 10/10

glóin. i haven't seen lotr yet but i know what gimli looks like in the movies and the goal with gloin's design was clearly to make him look as much like gimli's dad as possible. this guy is already walking in his son's shadow, but i don't mind. overall, a solid dwarf look. i love the metal thingies in the beard. 8/10

dori. when i look at him, i have that "look at this distinguished gentleman" sound in my head. he's got a very intricate braiding situation going on in his hair, and i kinda love it. he has clip on piercings on both his ears and he has clearly constructed his whole look so he could show them off. 9/10

óin. we are evidently starting to run out of personalities, because this guy is also here primarily to maim and kill. to be fair, that's what a lot of dwarves are, so i'll allow it. i like the two giant beard braids - i'm pretty sure he has more facial hair than i have hair on my head, which is exactly the kind of impression a dwarf's beard should be giving. 7/10

bombur. he reminds me of obelix from the french cartoons. he has an entirely insane beard-works-as-a-moustache-extension situation going on as well as a huge circular braid which i can't even tell where that's coming from. it's a nice unique design. 8/10

bifur. he's got an orc axe stuck in his head. i forgot that was a detail in the book and i also did not understand what it was until i googled it. i thought it could just be an accessory choice. but i might just be stupid. i can, however, tell that he had an emo phase and he still meticulously dyes strands of his beard jet black, so he could have a trendy dark-and-silver look. 7/10

[uncloseted]

I have a very pointy nose and it’s my biggest insecurity. I want to feel hot when I go out with my friends and when I go on dates but my insecurity gets in the way. I know that beauty is subjective but realistically it seems like a pointy nose is considered unattractive across the board. It stands out and it’s not like I can hide it or anything. It also doesn’t help that a guy in my past made a rude comment about it. I probably seem extremely shallow and I know there are more important things than looks but I wish I didn’t feel so ugly 😕

I'm not just saying this because it's something you're insecure about, but genuinely, I really like pointy noses. I think they're strong and unique and they make faces look more interesting. And a lot of other people do, too. Sure, not everyone in the world will like your nose, and not everyone in the world will think you're beautiful. But if you're holding out for everyone in the world thinking you're beautiful, you're going to be disappointed. Even the most famously beautiful people have some people who think they're average or who just don't get why people are attracted to them.

In terms of dating, you really only need one person to find you attractive (or maybe two or three if you're poly). And attractiveness is made up of a ton of different elements. Sure, physical attractiveness is one of them, and noses are one aspect of physical attractiveness, but that's such a small part of the whole picture. Nobody will ever meet someone who has each and every physical feature that they think is the most attractive. Sometimes you meet someone and if you really think about it, their eyes aren't your favorite type of eyes or their hairstyle isn't the best or they're not as tall as you would ideally want them to be or whatever. But it doesn't matter, because everything else about them is so great that it never crosses your mind, and eventually you grow to love those things that you thought were just okay because they're a part of the person you love, and that by itself makes them perfect. And then on top of physical attraction, there's all of the other stuff that actually keeps a relationship going. What kind of chemistry do you have together? Do you share similar hopes, dreams, values, goals? Are you willing to work together to create a relationship that works? In the long term, those things end up becoming so much more important than how a person looks.

All of that said, though, having something that makes you feel insecure is hard, and it can make existing in the world harder than it needs to be. So when you want to feel hot, I think there are a few options. The first is just to draw attention to something that you do really like about yourself. Maybe you love your eyes, so you do a really beautiful eyeshadow look or a smoky eye. Maybe you love your legs, so you wear a short skirt. Maybe you have great curves, so you wear a bodycon dress. Drawing people's attention to the things that you do like about yourself will draw their attention away from the things that you don't like about yourself, to the point where they might not even notice the insecurity that you have.

Another option would be to contour your nose when you go out so that you feel more confident in the way its shape looks. There's a good tutorial on nose contouring here that you can adapt to your shape. Even if it doesn't totally remove your insecurity, it can make you feel a little better about it, especially on occasions where you do want to feel hot and confident in how you look.

[heavymachinebun]

Understanding Puss in Boot: The Last Wish through its villains (but mostly just Jack Horner)

By @terminatorbuns, with special thanks to my wife @da-manta-ray

We don't talk enough about the villains of Puss in Boots, the Last Wish. I mean we do, I just want to talk about it MORE.

It's been a while since this movie was released and I'm glad to see all the discussion and discourse around all the ways that this movie has excelled in all technical and writing aspects. I love discourse and analysis and I've been dying to share some of my own thoughts about this movie since release. There's so much to talk about, but for now let's talk a little bit about the very impressive way this movie handles villains.

To be clear, I use "villain" to mean antagonist, people who oppose the main characters. In this movie, the villains are Goldilocks (plus bears), Death, and Jack Horner respectively. I'm not particular about semantics, villain is a cooler word to say, and they all commit crimes anyways, so whatever. Having said that, Puss in Boots has one of the most impressive uses of villains I've ever seen in a movie, delivering three extremely compelling villains in a two hour window when many longer films struggle to even deliver a single good villain. Not only that, but each villain in Puss in Boots represents a completely different villain archetype, each with a different role to play in the story, and each one executed to perfection for their respective roles. I think everyone who has watched the movie has come away with a favorite villain, and so the intention of this essay is to explore in depth the archetypes that each villain represents, their implementation, and the significance of each fairy tale chosen (yeah, it's important). As an analysis nerd, maybe I can bring to your attention some things about your favorite villain that you had not considered, maybe give you something to think about the next time you get into a friendly debate about who is the best Puss in Boots villain.

Because it's JACK HORNER. HOLY SHIT is it Jack Horner. This is THE Jack Horner essay, I need people to understand how big brained the execution on this narrative behemoth is, this is the ONLY reason this essay exists. Jack Horner is on an entirely different level of writing to the other two, LET ME SELL YOU ON THIS. The team at DreamWorks poured liquid narrative gold into this titan of a villain and this essay does not stop until I fully explain how much narrative genius is on display here, they have worked TOO hard for their work to go unappreciated. You can actually just skip to the Jack Horner section that's where the hot, hot analysis is. We have to talk about 18th century political discourse, galaxy brained narrative framing devices, and Jack's significance to the core themes of the Shrek franchise. I have lost sleep researching Jack Horner, this rabbit hole is DEEP. I'll talk about each villain in depth, but we stan Jack Horner in this house.

1. Goldilocks, the sympathetic villain

Goldilocks and her supporting bear family is the sympathetic villain archetype, villains who oppose the hero's goals but who otherwise have understandable, likable motivations that make an audience want to see them win. The strength of this style of villain is to serve as secondary protagonists: when the audience likes a villain, the audience wants to see them complete an emotional journey just as much as the main hero characters. Sympathetic villains are exceptionally strong when they are working towards the same goals as the heroes, because their motivations are inherently relatable. It's the same motivation that the good guys have, after all.

Goldilocks is one of the more well known fairy tale properties of the three villains and that lends itself well to her villain archetype. The fact that audiences are already familiar with the Goldilocks story, combined with the fact that she gets the most screen time of the three villains, gives the audience a lot of context and backstory to understand Goldilocks as a character, and relate to her more easily. Her supporting bear family is written to be lovably goofy and it's easy to get attached to this lovable family. They fulfill the sympathetic villain archetype by being as lovable as they are.

The recontextualization of the original Goldilocks fairy tale as a found family story is also a very clever choice. The repeated line "too big, too small, just right" is used in the original fairy tale to describe Goldilocks trying beds until she finds one that fits her, but is cleverly reframed in this movie as a metaphor for Goldilocks trying to find a FAMILY that fits her. The bear family that adopted her is "just right" as a permanent family for Goldilocks, yet she must struggle with different ideas of family before she is able to settle on her "just right".

The Goldilocks subplot easily parallels the journey of Puss, Kitty, and Perrito. Goldilocks and our main heroes are all in conflict over the wishing star, but ultimately both parties end up discovering that their needs are met by embracing their respective found families, no wish required. Puss, Kitty, and Perrito all suffer from loneliness and require each other's company to be truly happy, just like Goldilocks needs the company of the bears to be happy. And so, Goldilocks ends the movie not as enemies to Puss' party, but as allies, sitting next to Puss' party, celebrating their similar victories together. A classic and clean execution of a sympathetic villain.

2. Death, the symbolic villain

Death is an example of a symbolic villain, which is a villain designed specifically to symbolically challenge specific traits or beliefs held by the protagonists. Symbolic villains may have personal motivations but their primary narrative significance is the effect they have on the hero, and their job is to highlight the fears and anxieties of the hero and to force the hero to face their fears. To this end, symbolic villains can often have little or no personal motivations, at which point they are also known as force-of-nature villains, villains that function more as a threatening force than as a person with needs and wants. Force of nature villains don't even have to be people, a tornado can fill the role of a force of nature antagonist.

Death is a very obvious choice for this role, one of Puss' primary anxieties is his fear of death, and there's no better symbolic villain to challenge this than "Death, straight up". He qualifies as a force of nature villain in a very direct way by being a literal embodiment of a concept, threatening and unavoidable. The choice of depicting Death as an incarnation of the big bad wolf also has some significance. He doesn't have any narrative ties to the original incarnation of the big bad wolf (or the wolf from Shrek), but the big bad wolf is a well understood cultural shorthand for "fairy tale bad guy". Indeed, that's what Death represents for this movie, he plays the role of a fairy tale bad guy, and his depiction as the big bad wolf hides his true identity until later into the story.

It should be noted that the personal motivations of a symbolic villain barely matters, and that's very true of Death. He has minimal screen time to explain his motivations, because it's not particularly important. More interestingly, what little we know about his motivations are not particularly likable or relatable. Many have made the mistake of understanding Death as a neutral, noble party just doing his job as death, but that's not true of this movie. It's NOT Death's job to kill Puss in Boots, his job is to take Puss' life when Puss dies of normal causes. Death isn't supposed to stab people personally with a knife, he just wanted to kill Puss for fun. It's fine because Death isn't meant to be sympathetic, Death is a dick in this movie, straight up.

Since symbolic villains have everything to do with the hero, they are most effective when they force the hero into action. Death's presence forces Puss into retirement, then it forces him on the journey to find the wishing star, and shows up along the way to pressure him further. He forces Puss into a very sincerely depicted panic attack scene, and that's what symbolic villains do, they push our heroes to reveal things about themselves, their needs and wants and anxieties, so our heroes can then confront those things. The visual execution on his threatening presence also must be commended, since everyone knows how dangerous DreamWorks made him look. I have no notes, he's just cool as fuck.

3. Jack Horner is the unsympathetic villain

Alright we're starting to wade into the Jack Horner waters here, but we'll start with the baby surface level analysis of Jack's villain archetype. Jack is the unsympathetic villain, a particularly monstrous one, who no one likes because he's a dick. His motivations are surprisingly fleshed out more than that of Death since Jack at least explains his backstory, but his motivations are trash because he's trash. The heroes barely interact with him and his motivations add very little to the journey of the heroes. Unsympathetic villains are often like this because their role in the story is to simply be unlikeable, to be such a shitty person that their eventual failure delights the audience with a sense of catharsis. That in and of itself has its own kind of narrative strength, entertainment is still the ultimate goal of any piece of media, after all.

He's reminiscent of classic Disney villains such as Jafar and Scar in a number of ways: he's petty and power hungry despite having minimal backstory reasons to be so, and his depiction is not conventionally attractive (although those are some BROAD shoulders). He's also partially queer-coded in the same way as the classic Disney villains through his very unconventional masculinity: he's temperamentally flamboyant, and he's even got the pink hair to boot. Queer coding in villains is a complicated discussion I'm not qualified to discuss in depth, but it can be surprisingly enjoyable to see joyful unconventional masculinity on screen even if the context is an evil villain. We want to see him scheme, and we want to see him fail; The audience just wants to see him do stuff because he's so fun.

Jack embodies the unsympathetic villain well in his simplicity, all his actions are motivated by petty greed and he approaches every situation with uncomplicated evil. I would ask you, is this really all there is to this incarnation of Jack Horner though? YUP, turns out that's it. However, like the other two villains, Jack Horner is inspired by an existing cultural text that influences the development of his narrative. I have explained the motivations behind the other two, I will do the same for Jack.

THIS is where the fun starts.

4. Welcome to 18th century political discourse

Jack Horner's original text is the least well known property out of the three villain origins. "Little Jack Horner" is an 18th century nursery rhyme that's short enough to be read word for word in the film, and short enough to be included in this essay:

Little Jack Horner

Sat in the corner,

Eating his Christmas pie;

He put in his thumb,

And pulled out a plum,

And said, "What a good boy am I!"

That's the whole thing, some kid eats a plum out of a pie. However, even in its early days the Jack Horner rhyme became (somehow) associated with the themes of greed and opportunism. Let's try to follow the logic: we have some kid, CLEARLY financially privileged enough to receive a pie for Christmas, decides to steal a plum out of the center of the pie, ruining it with his dirty kid fingers before anyone could cut the pie to share, then he has the gall to declare "what a good boy am I"! THIS FUCKER. The pie is the wealth of the common man, or something, and the plum is, like, the fruits of their labor, and this BOURGEOIS child is reveling in his destruction of the economy with his hunger for profit (and plums).

It sounds stupid because it IS stupid, but the association stuck and found use in a surprising amount of historical literature and political writings. I can just rattle off examples from the Wikipedia article: English poet Samuel Bishop uses Jack Horner as a critique of the Civil service bureaucracy, the satirical novel Melincourt (1817) has 5 people sing a song describing how they misuse their trades to fleece the public that compares themselves to Jack Horner, etc, etc, there's like 6 more examples. Also fun is the fact that educators in the 1800's have made attempts to sanitize the Jack Horner rhyme by adding verses that describe Jack Horner totally sharing his pie afterwards because it's the good ethical thing for little boys to do. Jack Horner shows up in war propaganda, it's absolutely wild.

This is the historical context behind the little Jack Horner rhyme, the reason why Jack Horner represents capitalistic greed and cruelty in the movie. I had to look this stuff up after the movie, who even knows about this stuff, but the writers have seriously done their homework to find a nursery rhyme with a historyc this interesting, and it's fascinating to see how they worked to recontextualize this rhyme into a movie villain for Puss in Boots. I say this, because the next layer of Jack Horner's narrative construction is even more interesting.

5. Jack the Anti-Pinocchio

Drew like a dark, fucked up version of Pinocchio, haha. Just a glimpse into my dark reality. A full stare into my twisted perspective would make most go simply insane, lmao.

Jack Horner's screen time is punctuated with references to the story of Pinocchio, who I'm sure we are all familiar with. Jack's intro flashback features Pinocchio and he spends a lot of time with "ethical bug", the very shameless clone of Pinocchio's cricket. On one hand, this is a very clever way to contextualize Jack Horner using a better known media property, but on the other hand, the choice of Pinocchio is very deliberate because Jack Horner is used in this movie specifically as a dark, villainous reflection of Pinocchio. 2022 is truly the year of Pinocchio for bringing us three Pinocchio movies and ending the year on the Anti-Pinnochio: Jack Horner.

Pinocchio is the story of a little puppet boy, naive to the ways of the world, learning how to be a "good boy" through trials and tribulations. He fails to listen to his father and his companion cricket sometimes but he ultimately learns a sense of morality and kindness. Compare and contrast this to the use of "good boy" in the Jack Horner rhyme, where Jack ruins a pie then ironically declares himself a good boy. This is where the parallels start: Jack Horner at multiple points calls himself a "good boy", but he has done nothing good to earn such a title. Everytime he says "good boy" it is not only a reference to his own rhyme, but as an ironic allusion to the story of Pinocchio as well.

Consider the appearance of Pinocchio early on in Jack's introduction scene, where Jack is upstaged by Pinocchio's magic puppet show and becomes jealously possessive of magic. The significance of that scene comes from the fact that Pinocchio's magic body is NOT a net positive advantage for Pinocchio: as a puppet Pinocchio struggles to fit in with human children, but the only advantage to his magic body is his ability to entertain crowds for stage shows, if he offers his only asset up for commercial exploitation. Not only that, but Pinocchio's magic forces his nose to grow when he lies, so it's as much a liability as it is an asset. Jack is jealous of a socially underprivileged child for the ONLY advantage Pinocchio has, planting the seeds of Jack's characterization mere moments after his introduction.

Jack's journey with off brand cricket completes his characterization. We see him abuse his men against the advice of cricket, but we also see that he perfectly understands cricket's advice, he just has no interest in being good. Contrast this with Pinocchio, who also fails to heed cricket's advice, but only because he is naive and fails to understand the nuances of the advice. We also learn how he was overwhelmingly privileged in life but still wishes for magic, the only privilege he's ever been denied, and his intention to hoard it from everyone else. Jack is written with the intention of filling the role of the monstrous, unsympathetic villain, and so it was a very deliberate and intelligent decision to frame him as the moral antithesis of a "good boy", the moral antithesis of Pinocchio. What morality Pinocchio has to learn, Jack disregards completely and declares himself a "good boy" anyways. Each of the three villains in this movie is designed around their respective archetypes, but Jack Horner takes his design prompt and fucking SOARS.

6. The Shrek Cinematic Universe

Let's take a brief detour through the history of the Shrek franchise.

In 1994, Jeffrey Katsenberg was ousted from a chairman role from Walt Disney and went on to co found DreamWorks Studios. The original Shrek movie started development the year after in 1995, as a very loose adaptation of a now very obscure children's picture book of the same name. It is often said that Shrek was written as a cynical parody of the fairy tale films of Disney as a form of revenge from Katsenberg. Disney films at the time were known for being family friendly and moralistically pure and full of beautiful, wholesome heroes on noble quests, and Shrek sought to subvert those expectations deliberately. At release Shrek had become an amalgamation of various fairy tale stories, featuring many parodies of Disney properties such as Pinocchio and Snow White. The humor was crass and irreverent to contrast with the properties of Disney, with a story focused on the uglier, dirtier ogre Shrek learning to become an unconventional hero to a fairytale kingdom.

It turns out the market was indeed craving the kind of off beat fairy tale that Shrek had become, as an alternative to Disney's clean, beautiful properties. Shrek's celebration of unconventional beauty and its clever parodies of classic fairy tales both struck a chord with audiences, and the Shrek franchise has been a DreamWorks classic ever since. The two Puss in boots movies are spin-offs of the Shrek franchise. Both Puss in Boots movies differ from Shrek in the way that they use fairy tales: the fairy tales are still different from their original contexts, but they are much closer to their original meanings rather than fully comedic comedies. The first Puss in Boots was a moderate success while the second Puss in Boots is critically acclaimed and seems to be on track to revive the entire Shrek franchise.

I want to highlight the strategy Puss in Boots: The Last Wish has found for handling its fairy tale properties, and how it contributed to this film's current success. Puss in Boots has figured out the storytelling potential of becoming a sort of cross over film for multiple fairy tale stories, recontextualized for a modern audience, but with more faithfulness and sincerity to the original text than the Shrek franchise before it. It's reminiscent of the very popular Marvel Cinematic Universe, but for even older public domain stories. In a way this is still within the spirit of Shrek, it still makes use of an ensemble cast of reimagined public domain fairy tale stories to construct a new, modern narrative. It even has some parallels to the original Disney properties that led to the creation of Shrek, as Disney also built its brand off the adaptation of the same public domain fairy tales that make guest appearances in Shrek.

This style of storytelling has the unique power of reviving older, forgotten media properties into fresh new narratives, made even more complex by blending multiple stories into a single movie and forcing them to develop new meaning through interacting with one another. This approach does an incredible job of capturing the essence of Shrek: Shrek himself is a lesser known property elevated to the status of a cultural icon through his interactions with an exciting ensemble cast of comedic fairy tale imaginings, and the Shrek franchise is responsible for bringing attention and meaning to even more fairy tales and nursery rhymes, some well known, some not. Might I remind you, Puss in Boots himself was not amongst the most popular fairy tales such as Pinocchio and Cinderella, the properties that were themselves brought to fame by being associated with the Disney brand. Shrek is often praised for its celebration of unconventional beauty, and while this is true for its celebration of literal unconventional beauty features, it's also a celebration of the revival of the unconventional, forgotten stories of the past that have the potential for new life.

I say to you that Jack Horner is the perfect encapsulation of this, the spirit of the Shrek franchise. This excruciatingly simple 6 line nursery rhyme, kept alive throughout centuries through artists extracting a comical amount of political meaning from it, now revived once more by the talented team at DreamWorks. Jack Horner had the least well known origins of the three villains, many people didn't even know the nursery rhyme going into the theater, but the amount of care put into his narrative construction is a monumental testament to the power of narrative reinvention. All this, at a time when the Shrek franchise itself was in decline and required its own reinvention to survive. This, when Puss in Boots 2 required bold new changes after the lukewarm reception to the first Puss in Boots. A daunting task, but if a property as obscure as Jack Horner can be revitalized with such vigor, then so can the Shrek franchise.

I'm tearing up about Jack Horner why the fuck is this happening.

[pbandjesse]

I am just crying a little bit laying here. I have what I think is a migraine. James pulled out my prism glasses to try and help because I deteriorated so quickly. Nausea, headache, dizzy. It's horrible. I felt mostly fine all day! It's incredibly frustrating and honestly I just want to go to sleep. So I am going to try and finish this up quick.

Today was kind of hard. I slept okay, falling asleep really quickly last night. I had fun yesterday and went to sleep happy. I did have some intense dreams but I was doing alright. Even if getting up was very tough.

James would help me gather myself. I wasn't super nauseous but I was not thrilled about going to camp. I was just feeling like I was very very fragile. I tried to remain positive. James made me lemonade and sent me off into the world.

I got to camp at 8 and had to clean up all the clay sculptures from last week. I put them all in one box in case people want to come back for them. And Jorge would so I was glad I didn't toss them.

I would spend some time setting up the project. Finding objects that the kids could cast and stuff. I was annoyed I couldn't find more small creatures so I would go to the office to look through the attic.

The day itself was tough. The project wasn't working as good as I was hoping. I did the plaster casting two ways. With overnight I would have them press objects into clay. And with day camp we did plastic bag casts. The ones in the morning had more trouble drying and I have a better idea of water to plaster to get things to set. But the morning groups would have to come back for their pieces. And the boys always struggle with that. But fingers crossed they come back.

The kids though were rough. Every group today had one or two kids who were just really struggling with rules and community and it was very frustrating. And it's like things that are bigger then just not listening. Like one kid was dropped off at 10pm last night??? Excuse me?? Crazy behavior on the part of the guardian. And then another kid keeps leaving the cabin and running away and screaming at his counselor. Like that sucks? Don't do that. Everyone just seems really stressed out this week.

At lunch I just enjoyed hanging in my hammock. Eating barely happened but it was fine. I would try and eat just a little but everything makes me feel sick.

James would promise to take me to Mathews for pizza later so I just focused on that as a goal.

The afternoon was fine but I was very tired and struggling with the heat. Thankfully it's going to cool down throughout the week, if the weather app is to be believed, but today was rough. I was dusty from the plaster and hot and sweaty and I could not wait to take a shower.

My last group of the day was bontkirchen and they were mainly good but there was one little girl who just was trying to get everyone's attention by telling outrageous stories and screaming and calling herself names and like. I understood her but also girl. Everyone else is being calm please calm down.

I was starting to fall apart though and was glad when they were cleaning up and heading out. I had been making a bracelet and teaching a few girls how to make a look bracelet and it was nice but I was just done.

I drove home (after stopping at the office to get my package. My new garden bed was delivered!) and it was a tough drive. I slowly started becoming nauseous and in pain and was almost crying out loud at points I was so uncomfortable. It was not fun. I don't know if it was the motion from the car or what but it was horrible.

I got home right after 4. James was still waiting for the guy who was coming to measure our backdoor. They would hug me encouraged me to take care of myself.

So I went and took a shower. And it helped a bit. And then I laid down for 20 minutes. James came in when the door guy was done and would lay with me for a bit. But soon we were off for dinner.

And it was a good dinner. We had some serious talks about how bad I am feeling and ways they can support me. The food was good. I had to breathe through nausea again half way through dinner. But the pizza was great.

It was honestly to great. And for the next hour I just kept thinking about it. To the point I started crying?? And James went and got us a second pizza. That I could barely eat because I became so nauseous again. And I feel very stupid about it and I know I am being very irrational right now but man am I trying to keep it together. I am failing but I am trying.

We went to ace to get another fly trap. I pet the shop cat who is so cute and chunky. And then we went to the grocery store to get a few things. I was really happy to go home.

When we got back here I would end up wildly nauseated again. To the point of tears. And James would search for my glasses and I think it's helping a little but I mainly just want to close my eyes. So that is what I'm going to do.

I truly truly hope to tomorrow is better and I don't fall apart at the end. I love you all dearly. And I hope you are all okay out there. Send me good thoughts. Until tomorrow!!

[princeescaluswords]

I don't necessarily want to give them fuel to the fire but, one of your hot takes has stayed with me for months now. And that is the argument that Deaton being a bad guy is very lazy and caricature-like. At least in the manner that they do it. And I've asked myself well what reason could he be a bad guy? And try as I might there is no reason I can come up with that doesn't instead make Derek the bad guy. Going off of Just Cannon Derek didn't make the best first impression on anyone until season 3. And my question is, if you choose to humor the matter, what reason would you give for Deaton that would actually make him the bad guy that would actually hold weight.

Well, first off, personally, I wouldn't. It might sound like an entertaining exercise, but nothing we do exists in a vacuum. There is no scenario I could conjure, even if I were a 100 times a better writer than I am (which wouldn't be hard), that wouldn't exist within the fandom context. It's inescapable, no matter how many people pretend otherwise, that the products of your mind are produced and received within an established cultural setting. For over a decade, a significant majority of this fandom has indulged in racist resentment toward a black male character because he exhibited the right to pursue his own agenda and maintain his own boundaries, and said agenda was centered on mentoring a Latino lead protagonist and not on any of the white male characters that they preferred. That Teen Wolf wrote Alan Deaton as possessing the same agency as white male characters is a crime for which it will never be forgiven, and even the seemingly innocent of act of imagining unwritten stories where he is the villain feeds this injustice. Period.

I will, however, talk about how it did not need to be this way. If all the stories written by the Teen Wolf fandom -- the ones labeled Untrustworthy Deaton, Dark Deaton, Evil Deaton and the many more which take that as a given but don't bother to give it a proper label -- had been written with the actual purpose of making Deaton a plausible villain and not to salve fandom's indignation, we could have a conversation about it. (I'm not saying that there isn't any well-written Villain Deaton stories, but I haven't found any yet) This is because transforming canon should be a source of endless variation, turning heroes into villains and vice versa, but that transformation, like everything else, can be perverted, especially if the goal is vengeance for an action that exists outside of the narrative itself.

To my mind, I find that transforming a benevolent character like Deaton into a villain requires a fanfiction author to pay attention to three characteristics. (Not strangely at all, I feel that these are important for an original villain as well.)

Motivation: Why does the villain do what they do? When I write, it helps me to think about it in two aspects -- their specific goal in the story and the character flaws that enable it. Teen Wolf was very good at showing both aspects. Peter Hale's specific goal was vengeance, first against the Argents and then against Scott McCall, enabled by his enormous sense of immoral entitlement. (That's why I don't buy his Season 6 rehabilitation, because while his specific goals changed, his entitlement did not vanish). Gerard wanted to survive his cancer and establish his legacy, enabled by his ruthless disregard for the actual benevolent purpose of his family. All of Teen Wolf's villains were memorable because attention was paid to motivation. A problem with the majority of Villain Deaton stories is that the author doesn't give a damn about why Deaton does what he does; he's a villain solely because the author wants him to be.

Threat: To be a villain, the character has to have the capability to succeed. They have to be more powerful, more cunning, or have a lot of people on their side. Stupid, inane bureaucrats can be villains, for example, because they can use the might of the law to get their way. It's the primary difference between antagonist and villain; Teen Wolf also takes care to establish the sense of threat. Season 2 Derek creates a trio of eager and sad child soldiers, punches through concrete, and stomps on Scott's throat with little difficulty. Matt controlled the kanima. Another problem with the majority of Villain Deaton stories is that Deaton is seldom an actual threat. Stiles is always smarter and/or more magically powerful; Peter and Derek are always able to tactically overwhelm him without much problem; Deaton's usually alone in his wickedness save for his moronic catspaw who is somehow the benefit of Deaton's schemes without actually being able to do anything. The authors aren't really interested in telling a story with tension so they don't give Deaton an opportunity to win; they're simply trying to justify the coming lynching (and yes, I use that word deliberately).

Consistency: The actions of the villain have to conform to both their motivations and their role. This seems simple, but a lot of authors are so eager to get their vengeance on a character in a television show that they just skip the part where they make the plot make sense. For example, so many times Villain Deaton is out to suppress Stiles's overwhelming magical heritage yet that author leaves the scene in Raving (1x08) intact, no matter how little sense that makes. Or Villain Deaton wants to destroy the Hale Pack, but left Peter unmolested in the hospital for six years, doesn't accuse Derek of kidnapping him in Night School (1x07), teaches Isaac a useful skill in Battlefield (2x11), and doesn't take the opportunity to finish Derek off in Fury (2x10).

I would be a lot more content with the Villain Deaton stories I have read if they would just pay attention to the actual transformation they claim is their goal. But they're not interested in turning one story into another. The author's goal is to express their racist frustration that a black authority figure denied white prioritization and focused on a Latino lead protagonist instead of a white male character. That's his crime, and these stories are here to deliver the proper label and the proper punishment.

[storiesofstratos]

Chapter 15: Detective Work

Jack and Nico head into the city to gather intel on their new foe, only to run into something they never expected...

The bustling underground of our city was always loud, but today, it seemed even more so. It was abnormally hot for an October day, which occupied the majority of conversations on the subway around us. Sure, Daniel could jump from rooftop to rooftop, but me and Nico? We resigned to take the subway. Not like we had much of a choice. Nico was occupying herself with a game, but I couldn’t stop my mind from racing.

What were this guy’s abilities? Who even was this guy? Villain? Probably, based on the accounts Daniel had told us… but why was he terrorizing the streets? Trying to send a message? It just seemed like random acts of violence. Like a kid lashing out…

“Jack!” Nico’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts. “Dude, I’ve been trying to get your attention for like, five minutes, what’s up with you?”

“Ah. Sorry, I was just thinking… I always wanted to be a detective when I was a kid, but never thought I’d be doing it to find some supervillain. If you can even call this guy that.”

“He was shakin’ down some random guy in the streets! Sounds pretty darn heinous t’ me!”

“Right, but that’s my point. Is he just robbing people? Is there some sort of bigger goal here? Either way, he needs to be stopped, sure, but… what if there’s no rhyme or reason to it? Maybe he’s just lashing out?”

The train came to a stop near the business district, and as we made our way up the stairs to the main streets, a familiar sign came into view. La Casetta, the restaurant run by Cyrus and Emma, was just ahead of us. “Hey Nico, let’s start there. Maybe Cyrus has seen something.”

“Ohh, good idea. Plus, I’m kinda hungry, let’s go!”

The restaurant itself wasn’t very big, it was just a small diner, off the main roads just enough that it wasn’t too surprising that there were only a few customers at the time we entered. Nico and I took a seat at the bar, where Emma was gently rocking Freya in her arms as she spotted us. “Oh! Hey, you two! What brings you in here today?”

“My craving for a good burger, mostly,” was Nico’s immediate response.

“That, and we were hoping to ask a few questions while we were here,” I made sure to clarify.

“Ohhh, doing a little detective work?” Emma flashed a grin. “Hang on, lemme take your orders and have Cyrus start on those, then I’ll answer whatever questions you guys have… well, as best as I can, anyway.”

With our orders put in, I pulled the notepad from my backpack. “So, we were hoping to get some insight into some events going on in the business district. We’re uh… doing a report, on events going on in Stratos, for school. Have you noticed anything going on lately?”

Emma tapped her chin in thought, “Well… I guess there’s been reports of muggings going on recently…” Bingo, “You guys should stay safe, by the way. Don’t go alone and don’t go down any dark alleys, okay?”

Before I could ask my next question, she blurted out, “Oh, I meant to ask.. Where’s Daniel? You three are usually inseparable, you didn’t come out here with him, what’s the deal?”

“Oh, uh…,” Nico hesitated as if she wasn’t sure if she should say anything, “He’s sick…?”

Emma and Cyrus, who’d just brought out our food, shared a look of concern. “Is that right?” Cyrus was the first between them to speak. “Em, why don’t you take some of that soup in the fridge to him?” He turned to us, “I’ll answer your questions for now.”

“You got it. I’ll take Freya with me.” She smiled as she walked away to quickly gather her things, baby included, and head for the door, but as she reached the exit…

“Babe, aren’t you forgetting something?”

“Huh? Oh, right!” Emma dashed across the restaurant floor over to Cyrus, pressing a kiss to his lips, “Love you, bye,” She said as she dashed off once more.

“Emma!”

“What??”

Cyrus raised an eyebrow as he raised a set of car keys into view, a teasing smirk forming on his face, which caused Emma’s face to turn red. “Oh…” She said sheepishly as she walked over, taking the keys from him, “Thanks. I love you, bye!” And back out the door she was, little Freya waving from her place in Emma’s arms.

“Bah bye!!”

“I love you too. Bye bye, Freya.” Cyrus waved to them before turning back to us, “So, you’re looking into stuff around here?”

“Right, we were hoping you might know some things about-” The bell on the door rang, signaling a customer walking in. Shit. Maybe our questioning would have to wait.

“Hang on a sec, I’ll get this customer then I can help.” He turned to the customer. “Welcome in! Need a menu?”

“Nah, I’ll just have my usual. Those chocolate chip pancakes and some coffee, cream and sugar please.” We watched as the customer sat down not too far from us at the bar.

Leather jacket with spikes on the shoulders, and a head full of dyed neon green hair. His septum was pierced, and he carried himself with an air of someone who wasn’t to be messed with, or, at least, that’s how people wanted to perceive him.

“Got it, comin right up.” Cyrus left to go prep his food, leaving us alone with the guy who left our best friend injured.

And to think he had no idea who we were.

[omegatheunknown]

Top 10 of 2023 -- Theatrical Releases

Started using letterboxd as a journal two years ago, mostly so I could remember just how recently I'd watched Big Trouble in Little China or Hot Fuzz, but also to hit 'em with of the moment reviews and ratings fresh from the theatre. Which is to say, I'm a little nervous to see what'll come up at the top, but let's take a trip.

10- The Boogeyman (**1/2) - Technically in theatres for a week or two. Buried otherwise, a low stakes King adaptation/remake/reboot that makes the list so I don't have to say anything about AntMan, Elemental, Renfield, or, god forbid, Mario. Effective horror, kind of a neat creature at the center of it, pleasantly surprised that I didn't hate it.

9- Asteroid City (***) - Did lead to a minor personal epiphany, so not all bad. The amount of meta-fictional artifice (lest we for a second want to empathize or consider Wes' paper doll characters in his paper doll theatre as being recognizably human) has gone well-beyond the 'as Royal Tenenbaum' and 'let me tell you about my boat,' past the authorial frame of the Grand Budapest and as of The French Dispatch, Mssr Anderson is now almost entirely preoccupied with stories within stories and it is actually very annoying. (The minor epiphany is that I have also been doing this, as metafiction delights me too, Wes, but why should anyone else care?) Anyway, highlight here is the usual meticulous design, the ridiculous stop-motion sequence, some crackerjack dialogue (muted because now every character has the same blunted affect and without subtitles I sorta glazed over in parts) and these movies remain quite funny.

8- Barbie (***1/2) - Watched a lot of pablum this year, most of it with very naked corporate ambition. Barbie's central trick is to critique itself and the very cynical context in which it critiques itself and hopefully contain within it the entire discourse (good luck to you.) Wish I hadn't had to listen to people earnestly tell me how brilliant and resonant certain 'pause for applause' moments were, but the humour may well stand the test of time, and people were rightly hyped on Ryan Gosling's over-delivery on what once was seen as an unlikely bit of casting.

7- Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 3 (***1/2) - Not too proud to admit I was, in 2023, still kind of excited to see this one (1) marvel movie. Crisp Rat aside, the Guardians deliver best on the comic-to-screen vibe and rarely seem embarrassed with their source, leading to the intense emotional journey of a CGI mutant raccoon bounty hunter reckoning with his maker, no winking involved. Rocket Raccoon is my fucking guy, anyway, no more of these, please and thanks.

6- Dungeons and Dragons, Honor Among Thieves (***1/2) - Yeah, okay, more popcorn flick pablum. Hasbro hoping to further capitalize on the pop culture rise of and monetize and micro-transaction-atize and thereby enshitiffy one of my dearest hobbies (I am diversifying away from D&D TM) looming large in the background here, given the whole OGL blowback it was briefly reasonable large portions of diehards might boycott this thing. Anyway, saw it, liked it, succeeded wildly in the goal of effectively conveying what it's actually like to play a fantasy ttrpg, all the weird in-jokes, wild variations in tone, hand-waving and quirks of 'the rules' there for snorts of recognition. Cannot imagine this was much fun for non-players, but maybe.

5- Across the Spider-Verse (****) - Extremely hyped, but hopefully not the zenith of the trilogy, a lot is riding on part 3, which is thankfully due, uhhh, sometime next year? Dragged out its ending laying more groundwork, but before then, another ceiling breaking exercise in contemporary animation, an almost non-stop kinetic kaleidoscope of visual creativity that augurs well for animation's continued evolution.

4- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in Mutant Mayhem (****) - Speaking of. Now, I've loved the Turtles since I was 4 years old, so my personal belief has always been, even though I love the 1990 rubber-suited cash grab, that the central premise is something that in the right hands can actually be objectively good, as opposed to personally delightful to me. This is that movie, the good Ninja Turtles movie. 'Teenage' -- to the point of being endearingly, obnoxiously immature, 'Mutant' -- to the point that the world around them is just as grody and fucked up looking as they are, 'Ninja' -- with sly handheld camera angles and satisfyingly fluid motion to rival Spiderverse, and uh, 'Turtles' -- they sure fucking are. I loved this. Jackie Chan forever.More, please.

3- Humanist Vampire Seeking Consenting Suicidal Person (****) - Exceedingly Quebecois take on the contemporary hipster vampire movie, Can-con for my list. Canadian Indies in 2023 are strikingly similar to American Indies from 2008, if that at all recommends. Ranks high for efficient self-contained everything, very charming, funny, just bizarre enough.

2- The Boy and the Heron (****1/2) - Easy to feel like this is a Ghibli greatest hits compilation, easier to remember that's what we all kinda want-- cute and unsettling creatures, delicious looking food, spirit worlds, quiet moments of reflection, arcane rules for how any and everything works... yet also maybe the truest return to the titanic achievements of Princess Mononoke and Spirited Away (especially.) Story forms a suitably esoteric thesis about grief and creation and, ultimately, endings. I think Miyazaki might actually be done this time.

1- Godzilla Minus One (*****) - An entirely different movie than Shin Godzilla, very possibly even better. It's tense (Godzilla hasn't felt creepy like this for a while.) It's emotional (rivals Godzilla vs Biollante in its human story.) It's very naked in its message (ah, the guilt.) The action is superb. I do not know where Godzilla goes from here. (Mothra!)

(Haven’t seen: Poor Things, Bottoms, Napoleon, the Killer, a bunch of other crap.)

[oldbaton]

So I rushed Good Night, Oscar from the front row and saw Sean Hayes do the Rhapsody in Blue with an unbroken line of sight. And to have to run that gauntlet of acting while playing the Rhapsody in blue. I was leaning forward. I don’t shout Bravo. I don’t. I nearly screamed it. I couldn’t pay attention to the short scene that followed because I was still buzzing. And of course he nailed all the one liners. Even though he nailed the mannerisms and voice- seeing him in his moments where he’s reaching out but can’t admit it were the best parts. A lot of smiles from me. But an astounding inhabitation of character. A defining moment for Sean Hayes. From now until it closes in August my top recommendation for straight play. (I’m going to be quoting “the network FEELS!?!” A lot).

Also I have never gotten to see a concert pianist that close before and watching those hands move.

The play itself is fine and has a few cliches. But it doesn’t want to be more than a character study and it is a damn good one. And a play that accomplishes it’s primary goal well is a success to me. Great seeing those one liners. It also did manage to effectively explore how does one support someone erratic that you love. Granted, Oscar is still the spotlight and focus so it’s not entirely about that. But when it reflected on that I found it very effective. Emily Bergl is wearing my favorite dress on Broadway since Laurie Metcalf in A Doll’s House Part 2. And she is excellent. Should have snagged a nomination.

And I liked what her character focussed on. Because she details that Oscar, her husband of 19 years who is in the psych ward and losing himself to addiction and is deeply erratic, came at her in a drug induced rage. And there’s the interesting nuance that people put in her position deal with: she’s knows that wasn’t Oscar. But… it also WAS Oscar. And she’s trying to make sense of this contradiction and what it means. And it wasn’t just the 50s housewife standing by her husband character. They managed to walk the wire of that struggle while still making her sound and feel of the era. And it was a genuine situation women in particular find themselves in to this day. I found it to be a very compelling arc that Doug Wright should get credit for.

But it did fall into two cliches that are always in straight plays where [famous person] plays [historical figure]:

Before we meet the main character we have a scene with two other characters where they’re like THE MAIN CHARACTER IS LATE (or something like that) AND THEY ARE ECCENTRIC AND FRUSTRATING AND WE ARE GOING TO HAVE AN EXPOSITION DIALOGUE THAT PREPARES YOU FOR WHAT TO EXPECT!

Shortly after we meet the character, they do a small thing or piece of business that they then explain to illuminate you about how they think. (In this case it was Oscar’s OCD rituals with coffee and his following monologue on the importance of rituals)

Also the guy that played George Gershwin was hot. Like really hot. Like that kind of hot where you can’t focus.

[bookloveravenue]

Mike Bravo Ops (book 2): Rogue by Eden Finley

TRAV

I remember the first time I met Dylan Rodriguez. It was one sweaty encounter I’ll never forget.

The second time we met, he arrested me. I can still see the hot scowl on his beautiful face as he slapped handcuffs on me and realized I was … me.

Dylan’s main goal in life is to forget he ever met me. My goal is to make him mine.

Turns out, I'm better at this game than he is.

DYLAN

When my law enforcement career falls to pieces in front of my own eyes, I don’t know who I can trust.

I have nowhere to go. No one to turn to.

Asking Trav for help is a last resort, but I’m desperate.

If he can’t get me out of this mess, I may as well turn myself over to the guys hunting me down.

I’m not sure which will be more difficult: protecting my life or my heart.

Because when it comes to love, my heart wants what my brain doesn’t. It wants Travis West.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/61239786-rogue

********

February 14, 2023

My Review: 5/5 Stars

Trav and Dylan are hysterical together. So when these two first met they had a unforgettable hook up, but then the next time they meet, Dylan is arresting Trav. And while Trav was undercover and sent there for a reason, Dylan doesn't know that. And let's just say he isn't too happy when he gets outplayed. This is the beginning of a very long seven year relationship. They may not be hooking up anymore, Dylan swears he won't do it, but the favors that go back and forth between them for work happens throughout the years. For Trav, it's his way of seeing Dylan. Because the moment he met him, he knew Dylan was different. And it will only be a matter of time before he can make Dylan his. He just has to convince Dylan of that first. And when Dylan lands himself in some trouble, he finds himself going to Trav for help. Dylan is being hunted by his boss after learning that his boss is a dirty cop. After being shot out, he flees not knowing how deep the corruption goes, but his life and career is in danger. He'll need help to sort it out. Trav is willing to risk a lot to help Dylan and he'll do it no questions asked. Because after all this time, he is ready to let go of his own fears of holding back and make sure Dylan knows he wants to be with him. But he'll have to be serious for once and show Dylan exactly who he is. And that is a risk within itself. As they work together, they'll finally get a chance to stop hiding their true feelings and see the other for who they really are. I loved these two. They are hilarious together. The banter is on point. You can't help but root for these two. Dylan at first is so adamant that he won't let himself fall for Trav, but Trav has no fear of calling Dylan his future husband and soul mate. Plenty of action and romance in this one as they both try to stay alive and figure out how to clear Dylan's name. Definitely looking forward to the next book when it comes out!

[happymeishappylife]

Comics I Read in 2024 Part 2

1. Chicken Devil Vol 1: Under Pressure by Brian Buccellato, Hayden Sherman, Hassan Otsmane, El Haou

This was a random recommendation from one of the comic shop vendors at Heroes Con this year. He saw me flipping through the trades and was trying to make me recommendations. At first he picked a generic one that women comedian wrote with bras in the titles. I wasn’t impressed and passed over it, but then I think I piqued his interest when I pulled out a Sandman universe comic so he recommended this. And for how dark this story really is, I found this comic hilarious. It’s about Mitch who runs a successful hot chicken chain in LA. His partner gets caught up stealing drugs from a local gang and chaos ensues, where part of Mitch’s warehouse burns. Then out of panic they plan an escape on Antonio’s yacht and being shady, Mitch convinces his family to join them, but then the yacht blows up as soon as they board. Mitch is devastated, losing control of not only his partner’s actions, but his life and so he starts wearing his restaurants mascot costume and taking matters into his own hands to get revenge. Only, he sucks at it. Most of the deaths aren’t him killing people (except rigging one of his pressure cookers up as a bomb), they are accidental and Mitch keeps digging himself deeper and deeper into trouble. Plus, turns out his family didn’t die so now he’s pissed this gang off for no reason. But at least the detectives that have been following him, decide to team up with him, citing they like what he’s doing, but that he sucks at it. I’ll admit, I’m curious enough to see what happens next.

2. 2-Land Issue #1 by Jay the Teller and Dr Inx

These guys approached me at Heroes Con this year and invited me to learn about 2-Land, a masked vigilante superhero of a teenage tiger who tries to do good for his community. The story itself is very much like a typical coming of age superhero story where DJ is learning how to fight with his two robot friends? (Can’t tell if they are real people on coms or not). And he gets in a little over his head fighting off an underground boss who is tired of him messing with his local supply. It almost ends disastrously but DJ prevails and continues to fight another day, even though his action is drawing attention of more villains. When I talked to Jay, he mentioned that the goal of the comic was to give kids a superhero to look up to and teach moral lessons to its readers. They even were developing a TV show, video game, and stuffed animal merch. This being the introductory novel, we didn’t get a lot of a deeper story, so it will interesting to see if they achieve their goals in the later issues, but I think its worthy that this is what they are trying to develop.

3. 2-Land Issue 2 by Jay the Teller and Dr. Inx

So in this next issue we learn that DJ has an uncle who knows about his vigilante justice and that the two people on coms seem to be real people who are helping DJ out with his uncle’s guidance. Still, DJ is naïve in thinking he can solve everything and gets into more trouble dealing with someone who is dealing war weapons in the city. This one also tried to push more of the morals that I was told it was going to and don’t get me wrong, I think its great that they are doing it and I think the story is okay. I just don’t feel like its deep enough or intricate enough for me to get into. And for kids its good, except for the violence and the themes surrounding the villains, so maybe older preteens/teens would be the target audience.

4. Zero Ghost (Ashcan Edition) by Justin Jordan, Brian Ching, Wil Quintana, and Micah Meyers

Got this at a panel at this years Heroes Con and it was cool to be interested in the concept of an Ashcan which is a free comic to promote a new series. And this one seems really cool. It’s like a touch of Kill Bill with a supernatural element and all set in a futuristic Hong Kong with its seedy underbelly. I would love to read the rest of the series once its ready to be released. It will be cool to see where it goes and I love that it is indie comic by Asian creators who can provide their own take on tropes like this.

5. The Samurnauts: The Curse of the Dreadnaughts by Fishman, Gnepper, and Wright

I got this comic at Heroes Con because one of the promoters liked my Doctor cosplay. As he tried to sell me on the comic, boosting that it had samurais, ninjas, pirates, cyborgs, and mecha suits, what ended up catching my eye was the actual art. This story tells a crazy tale of these samurai warriors throughout the ages and in different parts of the world/space and that’s reflected in the past eras because the art is different. In the early 15th century Japan, the comics are drawn and colored with pencil and its beautiful even if its about zombies and cyborg pirates. Then it gets a little more polished, but is still hand drawn in the 18th Century England. But present day storyline, which takes place in the future, it’s the typical high color, digital prints that is present in comics today. I find that pretty cool. And also the story was highly entertaining with a good mix of that power ranger like feel.

6. Saga Volume 7 by Fiona Staples and Brian K. Vaughan

The family is all together and Alana is pregnant again, so when and how will it go wrong? Don’t worry that happens very quickly. The group has to land on a moon to refuel and get stuck there for six months, but become friends with an otter family who they help feed. Still trouble is coming as a planet who has a face is coming to devastate the moon. The group finds out after Izabel gets killed, which one is impressive for a ghost but I hope this isn’t the first real death in the comic for one of the mains, and they go to find her and see the threat. But she is also killed by the new bounty hunter who is after Alana and Marko and they seem a bit more intense which is why the comic ends on a cliffhanger when they attack and knock out Alana, making it look like the second baby is lost. Meanwhile, the side story of The Will trying to track down Sophie continues and we see that even though he loses his license and is losing his senses. And then he gets captured after they kill his dog.

7. Saga Volume 8 by Fiona Staples and Brian K. Vaughan

Well, picking up from the horrifying end of the last comic, we end up on one of the Wings back planets called Abortion Town. Its interesting because the comics have tackled hard subjects, but the way they discuss and show abortion is actually great because Alana isn’t seeking one at 8 months because she suddenly doesn’t want one, her fetus has died and is causing her real harm. Plus cool magic spells that only Land Dwellers have. But Abortion Town won’t help her because she is too far along and so they have to risk going to the other side where the real monsters are. And it looks dicey and scary. Not too mention while Alana is dying, her powers get stronger conjuring a fictional version of a son they might have had. But it seemed like a healthy thing for Hazel to experience. They then arrive on the planet where they left Squire. How his royal highness will explain his new lover will be interesting. But we also learn that Will’s capture is suddenly more interested in the family so the hunt will only continue.

8. House of Whispers Volume 1: A Power Divided by Neil Gaiman, Nalo Hopkinson, Dominike “DOMO” Stanton, John Rauch

It was interesting to step into the Sandman Universe via a side story rather than the original saga. And while I got slightly spoiled about the Sandman comics, I was deeply engrossed in this collection just as much as the original comics. Instead of following the adventures of Dream, we learn that the goddess Ezrulie Freda who lives on a houseboat in Louisiana is suddenly torn away from the world and sucked into the Dreamworld, which is dying and missing a book from Ezrulie’s Nephew Shakpana. The book falls into the hands of two teenagers who accidentally unleash some of Shakpana’s powers of famine and pandemics into the world, cursing both of them with a death disease where they are alive, but merely just walking corpses. While Ezrulie and Uncle Monday try to find a way out the Dreaming to help and stop her nephew, bad things unfold in both the dreamworld and the living world and I can’t wait to see where more of this story goes.

9. Doctor Who: Eleventh Doctor Adventures Year 1 Vol 1: After Life by Al Ewing, Rob Williams, Simon Fraser, Boo Cook, Gary Caldwell, Hi-Fi

I have read the first issue of this series which is how the Doctor meets Alice, but boy am I glad to read the whole first volume because it answered so many of my questions about who John Jones was and how he joins the TARDIS, how they pick up Arc, and also how the Doctor falls victim to the Talent Scout (which I thought would be darker, but wasn’t that bad). So it was great to finally fill in the blanks. I love Alice and I like to see starts to get out of her depression and become awesome. She really is a rock for the Doctor and I really like the presence of an older companion with the Eleventh Doctor’s kidlike fascination or tantrums sometimes. Once I collect the full set I can’t wait to read these front to back and see the evolution naturally. But I also like how John Jones goes from terrible musician to star child of the pop world because he snuck away on the TARDIS.

20. Doctor Who: The Girl Who Waited and The Boy Who Lived Volume 2

I decided to reread this collection because as I was moving, I couldn’t remember the stories. Some of them came back to me like the football match against the Vikings to determine the reign of the area. Others, like the Jack the Ripper story, not so much. So it was fun to dive back in. This is a good collection of stories with The Doctor and the Ponds and I always appreciate that the stories can go in directions that the show can’t. Either with over the top and a crazy mix of storylines. Or the darker stories that you couldn’t necessary have on the show (though much milder than the Big Finish). Plus its nice to spend time with the Ponds and the Doctor without the larger plotlines and just enjoy the three of them working together.

[vulpiximisa]

Watching bad sports anime for fun and actually getting bad anime feels like looking in the Dead Dove Don’t Eat bag. But to be fair, a few series only get rated badly because it’s kinda fruity and the Men on MAL who love FullMetal Alchemist Brotherhood and Gintama don’t like it. So I guess I just really need to check if it’s Actually Bad or Bad to Homophobes.

Try Knights is bad though.

Okay, don’t get me wrong, the premise itself isn’t bad, even if it’s not exactly my type of duo dynamic. We get it, scrawny kid who loved a sport that isn’t fit for his body type tries to compensate by using his brain meets wild dog guy who physically is everything he wishes to be but no brains. It’s a Duo, I guess, but it’s not my type of duo, especially if they’re both hot headed and clash. (I’ve never watched Kaicho wa Maid-sama, but I get the feeling the two are like the main leads of that series.)

I’ve only seen 3 episodes but I get the idea behind the team dynamics. The main two, and the plain whimpy guy and the flashy one are the first year quartet, and we have the 3 second year senpai, and maybe we might get injured 3rd year senpai back if they beat the Champions in their practice match. It hasn’t done anything wrong in terms of story, I probably could sit through the rest of the series if not for one big thing.

I thought the poster looked kind of boring but sometimes stock promotional posters aren’t actually very good at depicting the series.

The first episode animation wise was, okay, kind of mediocre. Like, I don’t watch a lot of rugby anime, but I’ve seen bits of All Out and Number 24, and unfortunately Try Knights does Not compare. Which, I was trying to give the benefit of the doubt, maybe they sports action will be mediocre but the character scenes and drama will look a little better, right?

If they spent their entire budget on the opening and ending and the first episode, they probably only had $5 left for the rest of the series. The quality drop from ep1 to ep2 is so laughable. It’s like Haikyuu To the Top Cour 2 episode 2 bad, or worse.

Like I’ve seen the use of CG in sports anime (YowaPeda) when they don’t really want to draw guys in motion when it’s not that important. I’ve also seen it like in Akaneko Ramen where they really aren’t doing anything and I guess just don’t want to draw a frame? Episode 2 had a panned out shot of CG models of the main characters talking. It was hilariously out of place. They use the CG models for mob teammates in the next episode too which gets a pass honestly because that’s what they should have used it for.

It’s just SO EMBARRASSING watching such low quality animation when they have MOTHER FUCKING KENN IN THE ROSTER. It’s one thing if it’s like Futsal Boys where the seiyuu are small names, but come ON. (Like watching the decline of One Piece anime for most of Dressrosa, incredibly embarrassing.)

And it’s such a shame too because it looks like it was a manga first and the art actually looks good? Like, it just makes me forever grateful for Haikyuu to get a stellar anime adaptation. Only mentioning HQ because it’s a sport anime. I’ve seen a good amount of Eyeshield 21 anime, and I know it doesn’t compare to Murata’s art, but at least it was watchable.

It’s one thing if the characters and story just suck (Shoot! Goal to the Future, Skate Leading Stars) but if it’s just the visuals pulling it down, that’s so sad that it’ll just ruin the name of the entire series. Like, does the mangaka know what happened to their series? Would they have wished it never get an adaptation in the first place? Or is it just promotion for their manga anyway, because at this rate I’d really rather just read the manga if the art is good.

Anyway, again I’ve only seen 3 episodes, I wonder if I have the patience to sit through the rest. I’m not a huge fan of MC or KENN’s character, or any of the characters to be honest. There’s nothing really going on for me besides to say I finished it.

Well, one thing they did right, is the little rugby lessons at the end of the episode. I give them that because there’s no one in story as a noob who needs the explanation and it’s not like in number24 where the show isn’t actually about the rugby.

Inserting this review from MAL because of the Junya icon, but also they are right. 😂

[caffeinesam]

You know I haven't played or watched The Last of Us yet but it brought two pieces of scientific news to my mind.

1. The Horrible Reality of the Cordyceps

You know the fungus on which it is based, the cordyceps, is kind of famous for its takeover of ants' brains. You know the rest. It's awful. Horrible. Ghastly.

Well except apparently the nervous system remains intact so the ant sees itself take these actions that make no sense and is powerless to stop its body from going up and infect its nest.

And guys are selling cordyceps online for their brain boosting capacities.

Hard pass.

2. The Frightening Possibility of Fungal Heat Resistance

Our bodies run too hot for fungi to invade and infect it. However with global warming, there is a possibility that some species may adapt to warmer temperature and use us as hosts.

3. Which lead me to conclude

Capitalism stems from a fungal brain infection that takes over the bodies of businessmen. Their goal is to take over human society and technologies in order to move to a different planet and colonize it to create a new biosphere. They do not care that their host species survive, they only need us for locomotion.

This is why their actions make no sense and the system they built doesn't benefit the species and could very well wreck our planet.

[space-blue]

An emotional first reaction to Arcane's finale

With an accent on Silco's arc...

*Wipes tears away*

Anyway. When was the last time you sat down to a tv show that punched this hard and respected its villain this deeply? Silco is by far the most interesting character, and he carries the show on his scrawny shoulders.

Compelling if mysterious backstory, overcomes his demons and his traitorous brother in one fell swoop as he gains power. Silco's a zealot who dreams big for everyone. And yet in the end he finally understands why Vander did what he did. Finally has an emotional tie on a personal level that means more to him than the Nation Of Zaun, that big all consuming project that's been driving him from the start.

And yet in a completely masterful twist, Vander chosing his daughters over Zaun means the Status Quo, while Silco choosing his daughter over Zaun means War.

He gets everything he ever wanted. He's a villain who uses all ends to reach his goals and actually gets there, and the creative minds behind Arcane had the guts to make it absolutely irrelevant to his death. That is so wild, honestly. His love is his personal downfall (or more likely, the lack of mental health care in the Lanes is his downfall...) but he's never more human and more like Vander than when he dies...

For the creators to chose to NEVER redeem him, and instead just... humanize him to the very end... To let him say his piece and clear out misunderstandings and also to go knowing all his *fucked up* efforts fucking paid off...

*Silco style slow clap*

Fucking bravo.

Turns out Silco wasn't lying, not anymore than any of us do from time to time, even to our loved ones. Turns out that he was really worrying, really caring, and that it was really "just the two of them".

There's plenty wrong with Jinx's arc as a villain in the becoming, the whole "hearing voices makes me unhinged and violent" really isn't palatable.. it's an easy cop-out that puts people with IRL mental illnesses in another toxic limelight.

But there's incredible beauty in her being truly embraced by the villain, for the most wholesome family to really be with him. To be fought for as hard by him, as much as Vander did. Vi doesn't want Jinx. She truly wants "Powder", and even if she probably loves her and probably needs the mental help Vi would desire for her "to change" and "become stable", Jinx's toxic, zealot, asshole second dad loves her exactly as she is. Why the fuck would you not chose that side, being in Jinx's boots?

*chokes up for a minute*

I can't clap my hands hard enough to applaud the team behind Arcane (so I'll use them to write fanfic instead)

How did they manage to break the curse of video game adaptation?

Well, I think it helps that the studio itself retained absolute creative control. For once it's not a film industry giant buying rights and trying to do it's usual "adaptation" cash grab wringer. It's a studio getting another studio to work their (insane) magic and produce the best 9 episodes cinematic we've ever seen.

The vision was theirs, the story was uncompromising and unflinching.

I am not surprised the writing punches this hard. Video game writers know what the fuck they're doing, because they create immersive worlds and storyline in which the players/viewer is directly active. I mean look at other hard gut punches out there like God of War, Wticher 3 or even Jackie's arc in Cyberpunk.

But for them to stick to their guns to the very end... To give us characters this compelling instead of following the cliche route... For them not to betray us, the way so many other storylines do by trying something bold for a hot minute before falling back on tried and true cliches like deflating souflés...

Guys, I'm sorry but even Disney doesn't clap this hard. Arcane came on to the scene and swatted everyone aside. The visuals, the animation style, the music, the cast of character all painted in deep shades of grey, the riveting plot with its series of mirrored pairs going through the same divisive process... Arcane is the show we've all been begging for, but we were asking for it to the wrong people.

Bravo team. None of y'all will ever see this post, but know you're appreciated. You made me scream and choke up and built a whole new condominium in my skull for Silco to live in rent free. Fuck you and bless you, I love you guys.