#this gifset is like. the very definition of self-indulgent

[jaskierx]

little pre-warning for suicide (i'm fine though!!)

sorry if this isn't articulated very well but like. i got into ofmd only last october when season 2 was airing and i still remember it's bc i got a clip on tiktok of the "is that blackbeard?" "no, i'm blackbeard" scene which is SUCH a good fucking hook btw. and before watching it i kind of actually hated it LOL like people do with anything that's popular and Everywhere it just oversaturates sometimes. and it made me feel kind of silly to go back on my own opinion but i didn't even really dwell on that bc me getting into it also happened to coincide with a failed suicide attempt (that kind of funnily also included a gun that misfired like in-show lol). and like i was pretty understandably all over the place, but generally still in the "i want to live" moment that happens right after you nearly properly die. and the thing about suicide recovery is that you don't actually want to recover. so it was a really up and down left and right kind of situation and you're left feeling kind of like a puppet with no strings that's also been thrown into the ocean or something.

but then i liked this show that was funny and silly and i also got to see trans and gay people existing happily and normally which isn't necessarily NEW but it did feel really cool and unique to be able to go Oh and this is the moment where they would usually leave it to subtext and then they actually KISS and it's like woahhhh. i didn't know they could do that... and then as i was still processing what was happening with my own life and like mortality i got to see this character go through the exact same thing and come out on the other side of it ENTIRELY by himself and experience love and self determination and actualisation and i'm not saying it made me want to do it myself but it did feel like a really personal thing for me (hence anon also lol).

and for the few weeks it was coming out i got to sit there and think about how he was doing and it gave me another reason to not do something again. like i am so definitely not the only one who can say "this show saved my life" but honestly it literally did. like there's that thing when you're suicidal where the things that you're sticking around for are the only things you've got so they're as important as anything even if it's like... going to a concert the following week or something. or getting a burger. and i really honestly stuck around just to love this show and my cat.

it's been a few months now ofc and it still sucks and i'm not better or anything but being able to indulge in something fun for fun's sake is the biggest source of joy in my life and tbh it's not gonna go away just because there's going to be no season 3. when i'm feeling too much of particularly anything i have a handy little balm which i know everyone feels but still. a little gifset of ed always makes me feel better if i'm freaking out so it's cool i don't care if it's a bit lame. i'm a bit sad for season 3 and everyone being sad is also making me sadder but i still have a lot of love left so ah. it'll be fine :)

if anything i hope this inspires people to have a little boom in the numbers re: content now that we know there'll be no canon to possibly diverge from and we can make up our OWN season 3 ‼️ which will be fun :)

hi anon sorry i didn't reply to this yesterday i wanted to sit and think about what to say

and then i didn't really come up with anything lmao other than you're right and i love you and i love this show and it's so incredibly important to me and so groundbreaking in so many ways and has made me feel seen in a way that no other piece of media ever has. the queer rep is groundbreaking. the portrayal of ed's suicidality moved me beyond words. there are dozens of other people sharing stories about how ofmd helped them to come out or meet their partner or start transitioning or quit something that was making them unhappy. i watched s2 at a time while i was really struggling with post-covid symptoms. i've met so many incredible people through this fandom. i think about the show dozens of times a day. the show brought me so much joy and they can't take that away

they can't ever take away how special it was and how much it's changed people's lives

i'm very excited to see what the amazing fic writers in this fandom are going to give us in place of s3. i just wish we could've had the rest of the story david wanted to tell

[sadcatjae]

I posted 179 times in 2022

That's 104 more posts than 2021!

47 posts created (26%)

132 posts reblogged (74%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@whumpwillow

@whump-cravings

@whumpsday

@verkja

@whumpinggrounds

I tagged 129 of my posts in 2022

Only 28% of my posts had no tags

#whump - 75 posts

#reblog - 48 posts

#whump writing - 39 posts

#whump prompt - 22 posts

#villain whumpee - 21 posts

#villain whump - 20 posts

#whump prompts - 13 posts

#whump art - 10 posts

#asksadcatjae - 10 posts

#writing - 10 posts

Longest Tag: 80 characters

#kasin doesnt know anything about trauma or panic attacks or mental health things

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Has anyone seen Jamie Muscato's JD in the Heathers musical?! Ohmyfuck???? The sheer detail and thought he put into his characterisation of JD is incredible (also his voice!!!!!). He very portrays JD very convincingly as an abused character (like he flinches whenever Veronica touches him and he shrinks into himself when his father is around for eg). And of course his unhinged moments are incredible, as well as his awkward and goofy moments. Hes turned jd into this multifaceted person who has a history and a psyche, which is the mark of a very skilled actor. Oh, and he doesn't ease up on JD's toxicity either. He goes all out in his villainy, oppressing veronica with menacing body language and getting right up into her face whenever he loses control. I'm definitely doing a gifset today (purely self indulgent but look it's also kinda whumpy so..)

61 notes - Posted September 19, 2022

#4

The way I see the Villain x Hero dynamic is that it's literally Everything. As in, their relationship is Everything.

It's all-encompassing. All consuming. The way they perceive each other isn't the same as they do their allies or minor nemeses. Allies make them feel safe, neutral, and calm. Minor nemeses are just obstacles they just overcome to reach their goal. Their Mortal Enemy on the other hand, they are the goal. They drive them to the edges of sanity, to the edges of humanity, to the edges of themselves.

Hatred is obsessive, dangerous, maddening. Its the other side of the coin to love, but sometimes even love doesn't come close to the intensity that hatred brings. Other times, it's the same thing.

Mortal Enemies have a relationship where there is triumph and trauma that only they are privy to. They know just how the other feels, because they are both invested in the destruction or salvation of the other. They experience the same thing, only from opposing sides of the glass. This is the bond that not even lovers share.

And they are the Reason for each other. The Reason they train so hard. The Reason they suffer and bleed. The Reason they become the person that they are. The Reason that gives them a sense of purpose, the very thing that fills every waking thought and every dream. This person, their Reason, shapes and moulds their very being, which is an incredibly powerful influence to have over someone.

And we know this, we see this, when they finally defeat each other. They lose all sense of self. Their loss is insurmountable. They grieve, because when they destroy their Mortal Enemy, they destroy their Reason, and in turn they destroy themselves.

A hero without a villain is just a good samaritan. A villain without a hero is just a wayward outcast. They need each other to live, to be the biggest self they can be.

In a way, it's like nothing else exists but that person. And it's so desperate and painful and everything that's human concentrated to its purest form.

So yah. Villain x Hero dynamic. I like it alot.

70 notes - Posted April 10, 2022

#3

Whumpee who is actually a conditioned cold-blooded villain and a dangerous obedient weapon, discarded like a broken toy, so they live the rest of their lonesome life in agony and delirium. And Caretaker, who actually wants to survive the encounter with “Whumpee”, but also desperately trying to help and save them 🥺🥺🥺

Ahhh yesyesyesyes so much yes that i actually wrote a thing?????? What the--

Erm and it's awkwardly written and has too much lore but i wrote a thing and I'm very happy that I wrote AT ALL so yay! Thank you for your amazing prompt!! And sorry I didn't respond until now ;u; <;3

Also - I knoooow Kasin is like, caring for someone who literally tried to kill him one second ago, but he's a himbo and a Good Boy (tm) and has no idea if Mercy is legit dying or what sooooooo V_V

-

CW: Mentions of murder/hanging, PTSD/flashbacks, panic attack, dissociation, scarring, mentions of torture, self harm, knife wounds, dehydration.

-

“You picked a helluva time to sign up, mulch,” is the first thing Senior Officer Tophel says when they meet. 

“How do you figure?” Kasin grins, taking the proffered sword and admiring the Blue Guards’ sigil in the glinting silver hilt. 

The older man glances over his new recruit’s perfectly pressed uniform and gives a begrudging nod of approval. “Mercy’s coming to Everlost.”

“Mercy?”

“Ain’t you ever heard of Mercy? The Emperor’s Arbiter and Royal Steward. Apparently he got himself exiled. Though for what, I ain’t privy to. All I know is he’s coming here.” Tophel huffs and shakes his head, fingers twisting the ends of his walrus moustache. “Fact that his head’s not on a pike is no small wonder.”

Kasin twists his mouth to the side as he sheathes his new sword. “What did this Mercy do, to warrant such a gruesome end?”

Tophel sweeps up the loose papers on his desk into a neat pile, his expression one of sheer disdain. “No-one visited by Mercy is left intact. That’s all you have to know. Just keep out of his way and if you can’t - aim to kill, because there won’t be anything left by the time he’s done with you.”

The younger man frowns, uncertain how much one civilian can do against an armed guard. Then again, bluebloods in the Imperial City are known to be well versed in combat, having the best training from a young age. Maybe Kasin should err on the side of caution. Just this once. 

“I assume you’re telling me about this man for a reason,” Kasin says, raising a brow. 

“Looks like we have ourselves a mulch with brains,” Tophel scoffs, sticking his pipe into the corner of his mouth. “It’s what the Captain wants. A simple assignment to watch over our newest resident. No contact, no interference. Just watch. You’ll be on a rotating twelve hour shift with Dazer and you’ll both be assessed for other duties in a month. Any questions, mulch?”

“Why ‘mulch’?” Kasin isn’t stupid, but he asks anyway. Tophel’s greying at his temples. He’s sun weathered and rigid; got a mean, stubborn lock to his jaw. He doesn’t look like he enjoys challenging the status quo - so it’s probably best if Kasin plays his part.

“It’s what you’re gonna be by summer’s end. If you don’t like it, then prove me wrong. Anything else?”

“Am I to disguise myself while on assignment?”

Tophel smiles around his pipe, but it’s more like a leer. “No. Captain wants you in full uniform and full view at all times.”

-

Mercy’s place of residence could only be described as a hovel. It’s a shack on the edge of the forest, with swathes of spoiled land on either side. The nearest neighbour is the Sudbury Farm to the east and the dumping grounds to the west. The trees here grow black and twisted. By all rights, they shouldn’t be growing at all - but the roots have stubbornly taken hold of the arid land and the branches contort upwards, greedily drinking in every drop of rain and glimmer of sun to feed their wasted bodies.

The biggest and ugliest of these trees grows in front of Mercy’s shack, not thirty feet away. This is where Kasin stations himself, standing in his sky blue uniform, just under the gnarled black branches. He stands out in this desolate landscape, like a vibrant drop of paint on a blank white canvas. The restless movement in the dust-caked windows attests to his bold presence. 

Mercy is nervous. Aware. He peeks out the window every few minutes, but never lingers long enough for Kasin to get a proper look. 

Mercy is just a flitting shadow. No more than a ghost. 

It’s like this for three days. From morning to dusk, Kasin stands under that black tree, dutifully watching those grimy windows. Nervous shadows and obscured motions greet him like clockwork. And then Dazer, the other new recruit, shambles up (long past dusk) to take his shift. 

On the fourth day, he arrives to an angry crowd of civilians swarming Dazer with a variety of makeshift weapons in hand. 

“We want him gone, Dazer!” One of them shakes his pitchfork at the hassled guard. “I know in my gut that he’s the one stealing my chickens and cured meats!”

Dazer laughs nervously and pats the air. “Now, now, Mister Sudbury. I don’t have any say in his stayin’ or leavin’–”

See the full post

81 notes - Posted December 28, 2022

#2

The Demon & The Priest - Part 2 - Curse

Part 1 Here

CW: Explicit language, albleist slurs, ableist terms to describe mental illness, physical violence, burning/branding

.

But Ashaxi has never been kind to Lial. Even now, as Lial rests in the Temple of the Light, the den of his sworn enemy, his lord’s oppressive hand ensures his punishment.

Pain draws him out of sleep. At first, it’s quiet. A deep, grinding pain that rolls through him like waves of stone, osmium slow. It sets his teeth on edge, sets his nerves alight, and strips him back until he’s raw.

And then, the pain explodes into a tempest of agony, fire-wrapped, titanic, with the will of the gods.

He drunkenly lurches out of bed. Claws at the sweat soaked sheets tangled around his seizing limbs. He's unable to breathe, unable to scream, his panic as true as his suffering.

He’s being burned alive.

The inferno consumes him until he no longer understands pain. His fraught nerves fail him, one by one. He’s simply feeling, just feeling, and whatever that he is becomes shapeless and unfathomable.

Lial ceases to be. Ashaxi fills the void.

Returning to his senses is a fragile process. He’s lying on the cold stone floor, staring at the shadow drenched ceiling. Muscles twitch and burn in the aftermath of the attack and they are slow to respond. He is vaguely aware of how cold he is, the winter draught brittle against his clammy skin.

When he licks his lips, he tastes copper.

“How often does that happen?”

Lial raises his head and sees the priest standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame with his arms crossed. He seems both irritated and mystified, as if Lial is a puzzle he’s struggling to solve.

“...Whenever my defence is lowered,” the demon rasps, dragging himself upright. His arms shake violently under his weight, and he slumps against the bed, panting lightly.

“Defence. I assume you mean an infernal defence magic of some kind?”

“Some kind,” Lial affirms in a grunt.

“And when you sleep, you are unable to keep focus on the magic.” The priest strokes his jaw as he muses, staring at Lial through hooded eyes. “This is the only effect of the curse?”

“For now.” The demon twitches as he tries to wipe the sweat from his brow. Frustration breaks through the haze of his exhaustion and he scowls to himself, exposing a glint of his fangs. “The stronger the curse, the more degenerative it is.”

“What happens at the end?” Julian asks, raising a brow.

“I don’t know,” Lial growls, sanguine glare flaring. “Why do you think I have come to you?”

“Mind your tone, demon,” the priest says, sharply. “I have given you sanctuary out of a sense of duty. That does not mean that I have allied myself with you nor will I tolerate your discourtesy.”

“Discourtesy,” Lial scoffs. “Do you seek to teach a child of the infernal etiquette?”

“Demons are not beyond manners.”

“Do you plan to reform me, priest?”

Julian gives him a deadpan stare. “While you are here, I may very well try.”

The demon’s laugh is coarse and full of gravel, like his throat had been scorched by fire.

Julian leaves the room briefly and returns moments later with a cup and a pitcher. “You have lost a lot of water. Drink, and we will think on what to do next.”

Lian ignores the cup and grabs the pitcher instead, ripping it out of Julian’s hands to guzzle. Water drips down his chin and catches upon his bare chest. The priest averts his gaze.

See the full post

81 notes - Posted April 8, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

The Demon & The Priest - Part 1 - Help

Villain x Hero whump fic

I love all the villain shows up on hero's doorstep looking for help prompts, so I decided to try my hand at it.

Cw: explicit language, branding scars, minor violence/blood, wound care, burning

.

Julian glares at the hooded figure, standing in the back garden of the Temple. It melds with the shadows, half-hidden behind a tree, though the argent light of the full moon prevents true obscurity.

"You there!" the warrior calls out, his strong voice echoing in the serenity of the night. "You are trespassing on Temple grounds. If you seek a blessing or to make a request, you must return in the morning."

The cloaked figure shifts. It raises its head, as if to stare at Julian, but the shadows are too deep to discern any features.

Julian purses his lips and steps outside, drawing his sword. It gleams with holy light, casting a soft glow across the garden. When the light reaches the mysterious figure, it flinches and cowes.

"...What manner of creature are you? A demon? A vampire? Come forth out of the shadows, else I shall have no choice but to expel you by force!"

There's a short silence.

And then, carefully, unsteadily, the cloaked figure steps into the light. When it draws near, a shaking hand pulls the hood away, revealing a very familiar face.

Julian tightens the grip on his sword, eyes spreading in shock. "You! Why have you come?!"

The white haired figure smirks thinly, scarlet eyes narrowing against the sword's holy light. "Priest," he says, voice rough as if from disuse. "You are looking well, despite what happened in our last battle."

Julian clenches his teeth in a silent snarl. He points the end of his sword at the demon's chest. "You used foul dark magic to turn the battle. You have no sense of honour."

"Honour is but a pretty garment for the idle." Lial dares takes a step, closing the gap between them. He doesn't mind the sword, which follows his every movement. In fact, he seems rather distracted.

There's an anxious flicker in those scarlet eyes and a barely concealed tremor in his body. His body, which seems to have lost a significant amount of weight, since their last encounter. The demon had sharp features to begin with, but his emaciation turns him utterly gaunt, as if he'd been starved for months.

"Why have you come, demon? If you are seeking a fight, you will find no satisfaction here."

Lial huffs a laugh, swaying a tad on his shaking legs. There's a tired sweep beneath his eyes. He looks about ready to drop. "As tempting as that sounds, I am much too weary for a fight. I only seek sanctuary within your temple."

Julian stares at the demon for an eon, before tossing his head and releasing a bark of laughter. "You must truly think me a fool to allow a demon into a Temple of Light. Leave. Before I run you through with my blade."

That anxious flicker gains body. Lial lurches forward, grabbing the holy sword by the blade. His palm starts to blister and smoke, and the stench of cooking flesh effuses, but the demon doesn't seem to notice the pain. He's fixated upon the priest, his eyes a little wild.

"I need..." Lial falters as breath catches in his throat. He swallows the blockage and continues. "I need sanctuary. Please. Just for tonight."

Julian scowls and yanks his blade free, inevitably slicing up the demon's palm. Black blood splatters his pristine white robes. His irritation spikes.

"I give you sanctuary and you desecrate my Temple. Is that your intent? This is your final warning, demon. Leave this sacred place. The Temple is not for the likes of you."

The demon stares blankly at his wounded palm, viscous blood dripping down his arm and soaking into his cloak. He gives a hard shudder. "I have nowhere else I can go." his voice is distant. Small. "No-one else I can turn to."

"What of your clan?" Julian snaps. "Your Lord Ashaxi? It makes no sense for you to come to me. We have sought each other's destruction for years, have we not? If it were not for preserving the sanctity of the Temple, I would have killed you as soon as I realised your identity!"

Lial's eyes grow hooded. He didn't know what he expected. Did he truly believe that the priest would help him? Had he become so desperate?

Like a sudden thunderclap, white fire lances down his spine and he jerks in shock. Spindly flames branch through his back and scorch his raw nerves, flooding his veins, leaving him unable to breathe, unable to think. Eventually, the agony dissipates, and he sinks into the ground, a shaking, clammy mess.

Yes. Yes, he is desperate.

"I will do anything," he pants lightly, claws digging into the soft soil as he bows his head. "Please. Julian. This is my last hope."

See the full post

100 notes - Posted April 7, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[elivanto]

[15/20] self-indulgent gifsets ↳ michael scofield + stubble

[swanqiu]

‘cause you brought out the best of me, a part of me i’d never seen

// some bittersweet eric x cho for @ericbrandonrp

[number5theboy]

it might be hard to pick, but what's your favourite greek myth parallel/reference/allusion in regards to five? (i hope i phrased that right lmao)

for me it's still odysseus because you know. metis and long journeys and inability to adjust to peace after a lifetime of war and being held captive by a woman and having "no name" to hold him back and being extremely arrogant and hypocritical yadda yadda yadda. (i like the sisyphus references too, but i dont really consider five to be an ~absurd hero~, especially after s3. he clings to meaning in the apocalypse but in the face of his existence turning out to be absurd he does give up, kind of).

Hey Anon, first of all, congrats on sending in probably my favourite ask I've ever received. I was genuinely so excited to answer this that I kept it for when I would be in the mood and able to savour it, and before I knew it, a month has passed, so sorry about that, I hope you'll see this. But now I've just come off making a mythology-centred Five-gifset and my mind is buzzing, so there will never be a better time.

I once did an entire, very self-indulgent gifset about figures in Greek mythology that Five reminds me off, because to me, he thematically fits into that kind of storytelling. Very powerful, very skilled, fatally flawed, fucks around and finds out, all that jazz. The fact the writers have made a dozen mannequin jokes and yet haven't tossed in a Pygmalion reference yet is baffling to me. But I think Sisyphus and Odysseus are the only direct comparisons made in the text, and I do love them both. Me elaborating on why both of them are really neat connections under the cut.

I agree with you, I like the Odysseus one better, mostly because it's a really satisfying comparison. Yes to everything you said, the combination of wisdom and cunning, the long journey motivated by finding his way back to his family, his inability to find peace once he'd gotten them back because his time away - both the erring and the fighting - changed him, the women that keeps him, the absence of a name, the arrogance, the hypocrisy. I'd like to add the reluctance to fight paired with a high level of fighting skill, the tendency to try and talk things out first, the ability to read people well, the way people around him tend to die, the fact that his fatal flaw is pride/hubris, a character paying for his transgressions.

It's a very interesting character to compare Five to, because Odysseus is definitely one of the most nuanced and most versatile characters from Greek mythology, and I like how much the two have in common. But what I find even better is that there are a few key differences that make Five more than just a superhero take on Odysseus. There's the obvious fact that Five got reverted back into a child, and that he started his journey a lot younger, so what he longs to find his way back to is a different version of family from Odysseus. Odysseus also has a certain amount of obedience to authority, he knows how things ought to go and primarily tries to operate within boundaries set, while Five is pretty much ungovernable, he is constant to question and defy authority. Five also has time-travelling powers and technically the ability to undo everything that has gone wrong, but he just doesn't manage, he keeps overestimating himself and making things worse, which adds to his pathos. They are quite similar, but there is just enough of a spin to Five where the comparison is very much warranted but not tired. It tickles that particular part of me that loved Odysseus at age 10 when I first learnt about Greek mythology.

As for Sisyphus...I'm kind of splitting this in two, one part about the Sisyphus from the original myths and one about him as an absurd hero because Camus be Camus-ing.

Sisyphus is so known for his eternal punishment, because it is truly a wonderful image for a neverending, meaningless task, that it tends to be forgotten what he did to deserve this fate. Sisyphus was sentenced because he cheated death, not once, but twice, by finding new ways to escape it. So when Five says, "I've cheated time so much, I guess I thought I'd somehow cheat death", that hits, first of all because the writers literally forgot that Five had already cheated death by rewinding time and saving his siblings and himself from their certain demise, and secondly because that realisation of one's own mortality is part of the Sisyphus myth, in my opinion. Fun fact, in some, non-Homeric versions, Sisyphus is said to be the father of Odysseus, so being a cunning dickhead who pisses off gods is apparently a heritable trait. This tidbit about cheating death, paired with the endlessly repeating punishment, which the show alludes to via world's biggest ball of twine (Five replying "seems pretty big to me" when Klaus says that he thought it would be a lot bigger is a moment that I hold very dear) is just a good bit to compare with Five. He technically cheated death by turned time forward and bypassing the death of the entire human race, he cheated death again by turning time backwards, and he keeps living despite everything. At the same time, he chases his obligations, trying to keep the world alive, and surviving, in a seemingly endless repeating cycle. I really like the allusion to Sisyphus too, because it too is very warranted but it's not just a direct adaptation with superhero veneer.

As for Sisyphus as an absurd hero...it's been a while since I've read Camus, but the fact that Five, right after comparing his obligations to his family to a ball he keeps watching roll down a hill, asks, "and what's the point?" does suggest that the writers did mean the more meaningless side of the Sisyphus myth, likely tinged by Camus and his eternal obsession with the absurd. As far as I remember, his take on the myth is that realising and acknowledging the meaninglessness trumps the absurd and allows to reach a state of accepting serenity. I think whether Five, specifically in s3, falls into the role of an absurd hero really depends on interpretation. He doesn't in s1 and s2, because his meaningless, ever-continuing task (working to save the world from an impending apocalypse) is pursued with no acknowledgement of the underlying absurdity of trying to save the entire world that keeps changing and slipping away. In s3, there's a shift. Five gives up. Kind of. Sort of. Not really. I don't know. To be an absurd hero, he would have to acknowledge the situation and still continue his task, content with what he is doing because he is aware of its meaninglessness. A key quote from Camus that I am absolutely nicking from Wikipedia because I am not re-reading that and do in-depth literary anaylsis for a throw-away line from a silly Netflix show, is that "there is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn". Five talks about fate in s3. He says that fate doesn't care for whether he is ready to face whatever it has in store for him, and then again, he tells Reginald that it's time they accept their fate and let the world end. And Five gives up. He stops pursuing the task...for a time. Because he was ready to let the world go and see what, if anything, is on the other side. Until the finale, where he is back in survival mode. He's the one to find the sigil, his decision is what ends the last guardian and culminates in Reginald (and Allison) resetting the world. So, does the act of giving up keep him from being an absurd hero? Or was that uptick, working towards saving it despite everything he knew, despite knowing it can't work out well, the action of an absurd hero? I don't know. Not quite, I think, because I don't think Five has ever reached that moment of contentment at the realisation of the meaninglessness of everything he's chased for his entire life. But it is fun to think about. I'm a bigger fan of using the original myth rather than Camus' interpretation of it, because that one was very much written with the meaninglessness of labour under capitalism in mind, which is not quite something that the Umbrella Academy is dealing with, Five even less, and I like the detail about cheating death being the thing that condemns Sisyphus to his endless, meaningless, repetitive task, and Camus doesn't delve into how Sisyphus came to be stuck on that hill.

[taegularities]

OMGOGMMGMG JUST FINISHED CMI: LIGHTS.. i just gotta say BOY DO U HAVE A WAY W WORDS🥹🥹 im so in love w all of the characters it literally hurts my heart🙁🫶 but anywho these two lines had me giggling and kicking my feet; “His scent and his smile make you spiral and fall, and you feel your heart pounding against his. Impossibly hard, crazy, stupidly and undeniably in love.” & “And you wrap his words around your heart like a bandage.”

-🌙

Ok 2 questions for u!! Do u mind if i call u bae or babe?! Bc i have this tendency to call all my friends that idk why ig it just stuck to me🫠🫠 BUT https://heybaetae.tumblr.com/post/693773644214730752 do u think we will ever see cmi!jk & cmi!jimin get this close in the future 😓🤟!???!!

ahhhh, u liked 'lights' !!!! ur enthusiasm makes my heart flutter 🥺 ughhh, the characters own my all, i love them so much, too :(( and the quotes u chose ?! thank u, they were very self-indulgent 😭

yeah, feel free to call me that! 🤣 i'm totally okay with it. and to ur second question... mmh, first of all i love this gifset. and also, jk and jimin's relationship will definitely change in the future. in which way? stay tuned to find out :D !!

[clacing]

The eye emoji is for art but I feel it fits for writing too! 👀 🥰 📝 👉

🌈 ✨ 🕵️‍♀️

First of all THAT’S SO MANY THANK YOU!!!!

 the 👀 a piece where i tried something new

Gonna say be the thing that buries me here, for a few reasons! First of all, I tend to be very longwinded when writing, and rarely manage to keep myself under 10k, so trying to keep it to 2k for the zine was a really a challenge. I thought I could do it until I realized I’d made up enough lore and worldbuilding to fill an actual novel, and when I realized I’d already wasted more than half of the allotted word count just to set the story up. I had to completely change the way I usually write, and think of it less as a story followed from beginning to end and more as a snapshot of the wider story. Entire scenes I’d written out ended up being scrapped and mentioned as an aside in the final version. POVs had to be swapped and edited accordingly. It was all about figuring out how to fit the most story in as little a word count as I could, and honestly, I loved it! I had never been creatively challenged like that.

What’s more, I had the privilege of collaborating with @astrumumbrae​, and that also influenced the story! I’m usually very wishy-washy when it comes to descriptions (I always joke that all my stories take place in a void), but since the piece had to be illustrated, I had to make things clear in the text - and some details we had to figure out together, going over the drawings and deciding what colors would look best on Catra, or what Catra and Adora’s weapons of choice would be. It was just really fun, and I’d never done anything like that, but it definitely improved the quality of my writing and made the whole experience for me!

🥰 a piece i’m really proud of and why

brave face talk so lightly (hide the truth). I’ve actually been thinking about it a lot lately and I kinda wish I could go back to it. Looking back on my fics I do think most of them come off too cheesy or too self-indulgent, but this one I’m honestly fond of. I’m usually also very slow and a fic like that would have taken me at least a month; I wrote it in three days, writing non-stop, and I loved every second of it.  Maybe it’s because I had the outline ready for months before I started writing, so the whole sequence of events was always clear to me, but damn, writing had never felt so effortless and so satisfying. I think I’ve managed to capture exactly the feeling I was going on in not-too-many-words and I’m really glad it’s my most popular fic.

📝 a line or paragraph i’m really happy with

UHHHHH SHIT THIS IS HARD. So many. I’m gonna pick a couple that I can think of right now, and that’s only for published WIPs, otherwise we’re going to be here all day:

She looks different almost every time Adora sees her, but her software is set to recognize Catra’s soulprint in all of her incarnations and it’s already downloading everything it has on her, words quickly flashing across Adora’s vision.

Then Catra notices her staring, and Adora waves the words away. She might not remember her, but she already knows everything there is to know about her - like her previous disappointment, Catra is a constant of hers, a wrinkle in her personal timeline. Some of Catra’s code is embedded into Adora’s programming to allow for better soul recognition and improved fighting ability, a vaccine that grows more and more elaborate with every one of their interactions.

Catra smirks at her. Adora fears that, one day, Catra’s coding will override her own, and she’ll be eaten up - corrupted beyond repair.

&

It’s almost scary, sometimes. Adora feels with Catra the way she thinks old married couples are supposed to feel - not the newness, the freshness of discovery, but the simple, quiet comfort of knowledge already acquired, of bones being able to rest. She wonders if Catra feels the same way about her. She wonders if Catra will get tired of her, at some point, if she’ll want more from her life than Adora is able to give her.

& This is technically cheating because I wrote it in 2019 but..... it was published in 2020 so.... 😶

"Someday you will have to face it, you know. The emptiness."

"I said shut up," Catra snapped. "I'm perfectly safe, respected, with no one to tell me what to do. I have friends, a family, and a kingdom. I don't know what you think I should feel empty about."

"All that power," Double Trouble tut-tutted, almost pitifully, "all that unconditional love, self-love, familial love. And something's still missing, isn't it?"

And when she kept avoiding their gaze, wishing they could stop, just stop for one damn night, they lifted her chin up towards them with a single clawed finger. "Oh, kitten," they mumbled, "now that you finally got what you needed, I was hoping you'd figured out what it was that you wanted."

👉 a WIP i’d like to try and finish next year

Definitely how you besiege me (and feed me). That fic’s just proof of my longwindedness and slowness and I’d like it to stop haunting me 😔 But yeah I said I’d try to put out chapter 5 before the end of the year, and then only the epilogue is left.

I also really hope to finish the “estranged childhood best friends meet again” AU. It’s gonna be three chapters and I’ve had the first one ready for a while but I can’t publish another WIP before I finish HYBM.

🌈 favourite colouring

Mmmh so full disclosure, when it comes to SPOP I kinda just use the same coloring on everything and make a few adjustments ghgfhgh if it ain’t broke don’t fix it

✨ a set where i tried something new & 🕵️‍♀️ a detail i’m really proud of

Conflating the two because they’re about the same gifset. When I got the request for that one I honestly had no idea how to go about it because the quote seemed so metaphorical to me and I couldn’t figure out what scenes to use, but THEN something unlocked in me and I figured out all the metaphors at once. My favorite has to be “Catra stealing the moon for Adora” as in “allowing Glimmer to escape”.

[hydrospanners]

fic masterlist: swtor

at the request of literally no one, i’ve created a masterlist of all my swtor fic. first is a chronological collection of all the swtor fic i’ve written in my “canon”. it’s broken up into snippets of time relative to the events of swtor. aus and gift fics are at the end. this is more for me than anything else, but if you have a bunch of time on your hands and want to read some fic--enjoy!!!

i am the most self-indulgent author known to man so there are numerous fics that don’t feature any canon characters in any significant way. i’m not sorry, but i did mark them with an asterisk for everyone’s edification. i also wrote actually vaguely descriptive descriptions instead of whatever bullshit i put in the descriptions on ao3. all links go to ao3 because tumblr was not designed for reading and it shows.

53 fics below the cut... what a trip, y’all.

backstory these fics are about things that happened before the opening of the class story. 

* a very velaran life day - snippets of different life days in the velaran family history. no canon characters in it yet, but maybe this christmas i’ll get to some fics that aren’t solely about my own ocs.

* the shape of things to come - the story about how rea finally joined the jedi at the ripe old age of sixteen.

* a dimming star - the first steps on rea’s jedi path. they aren’t fun ones, lads!

* necessary sacrifice - like three years down the timeline and still no canon characters! rea continues to struggle with this whole being a jedi thing, and it continues to struggle with her! this one features a haircut as a symbol of a turning point in the story.

bars and stripes - canon characters??? in my fic????? its more likely than you think. this is a shameless ripoff of an episode of m*a*s*h masquerading as doc backstory. does it have cameos and/or mentions of other healer companions? maybe!!!

prelude these are fics set during the prologue of the class stories, everything that happens between the start and completing the capital planet missions. 

* memories - rhese? do you finally get a say in all this??? this is the moment rhese and rea finally see each other for the first time since they were recruited to the jedi, set at the very start of the class story.

attachments - kira and rea talk about rhese. that’s it. that’s the fic.

act one all the stories set between killing tarnis and beginning preparations to capture the emperor (everything after coruscant ending and pubside balmorra starting). rip orgus. one day ill finish all those wips about how sad it was when he bit it. in the mean time, can i interest you in some gifsets?

lessons - now rea’s padawan, kira reflects on how bad rea is at teaching, though maybe without as much clarity as i just implied.

a tangled web - so stupid it’s basically crack, kira has to rescue rea from an embarrassing situation.

of flowers, failure, and the virtues of friendship - kira and rhese start to bond over the shared torment of having to be around rea. rivals to friends (one day i’ll write the “to lovers” part that comes after).

act two all the stories during the time when the knight is prepping for the assault on the emperor’s fortress and then assaulting it. everything between pubside balmorra starting and breaking free from the emperor’s fortress after that super successful plan to bring him in alive. great job jedi!

filling the table - is that shipfic????? the reason i started writing swtor fic in the first place??? this is rea being thirsty disguised as me sewing seeds for the eventual doc x rea romance. pazaak themed for some reason? (doc x rea)

when the wicked play - this is me being obsessed with the translation of video game violence to vaguely realistic circumstances posing as doc feeling some kind of way about rea murdering a whole bunch of dudes who wanted to hurt her but weren’t powerful enough. not primarily romantic but definitely some setup for their relationship.

night shift -  everything is doc x rea and nothing hurts. rea’s got work to do but who can work when there’s a horny mustachio’d doctor trying to persuade her back to bed??? it’s not love it’s just good sex!!!!! honest!!!!(doc x rea)

these nights never seem to go to plan - rea isn’t yearning for affection, she’s just too tired to get out of doc’s bed after so much boning. okay maybe this is about slightly more than good sex after all... doc x rea TENDERNESS.

somewhere we’ve not been before - this is the good shit lads!!!! doc x rea!!! first dates!!!! shenanigans!!!! honest to goodness falling in love between all that fucking that do!!!!!!!!!!!! (doc x rea)

no better taste - a sequel to the last fic featuring the morning after!!! some post-horniness introspection!! tenderness!!!!!! hints of yearning!!! god i miss the days before the mind control and the carbonite when the problems were normal things like commitment and abandonment issues. (doc x rea)

heart - rea sends doc a rocking “thanks for the great sex” gift!! rhese is disgusted by every part of it! this is comedy folks!!!! (doc x rea... i guess)

interruptions - rea takes a work call while she’s boning doc. that’s the whole fic. i think this was my first spicy fic?? i can’t remember. (doc x rea)

* where you go to rest your bones - sibling tenderness!!!! their relationship is super complicated, but rhese is reminded that underneath all the bullshit rea really does love him a lot.... it’s both sad and not sad at the same time. schroedinger’s sadness.

gifts - the crew tries to plan a gift for rea, but what do you get for the woman who’s banned from everything?? so dumb it’s basically crack and i’m not sorry for it.

crapshoot - the crew takes bets on what rea’s next Bad Idea TM will be. she shows them you can’t predict chaos. basically crack but i don’t care.

spoonful of sugar - vignettes about the jedi knight crew dealing with sickness. almost entirely comedy and/or fluff. doc x rea content is present and rhese x kira content is suggested.

a little eggstra - grocery shopping gone awry, based on an old tumblr text post. hella stupid, yet hella fun. doc x rea is in the background.

to break our bones for kindling - you thought we were just having good times??? you’re a fool. doc’s job is to heal people and rea’s job is to break them. sometimes they have work-related disagreements!!! be sad with me. doc x rea.

* when a problem comes along, you must whip it - i can only stop being stupid for so long, so here’s the story about how rea came to possess her lightwhip, the stupidest weapon known to man. these events do not go well for rhese.

things unsaid - a dumb doc x rea drabble about stupid shit rea says when she’s been mortally wounded. if doc were to just let her die, no one would blame him.

* the things you do for love are gonna come back to you one by one - a bit of a character/relationship study about what rhese is willing to sacrifice for love of his sister, no matter how complicated things are between them. a second chapter about what rea sacrifices for rhese is in my wips and will be completed... .eventually. 

lovesick - doc x rea ship content. my interpretation of that one conversation where doc’s like “hey would your jedi powers tell me if im going crazy also do you love me? check yes or no. i will not elaborate.”

* the things we left behind - oh no lads.... we’re building up to the fortress shit.... our good times are over. rea does some underhanded shit to make sure her brother doesn’t go on this mission to capture the emperor cause the plan does not seem like a great one.

act three wow wasn’t act two fun??? so much silly nonsense and love. now get a drink assholes it’s Time To Be Sad. act three covers everything in the class stories after coming back from that super successful assault on the emperor’s fortress (great job jedi!) to finally stabbing the bastard in the dark fortress and hoping that gets the job done at last. (spoilers: it doesn’t!!!!!) aka stories from belsavis to the final assault on dromund kaas.

everything we left there - it’s trauma time!!! rea’s fucked up from the fortress and feeling the pressure (thanks for the prophecy scourge!!! love that!!!!) so she hurts people she cares about to protect them. it’s her signature move!

the only thing that’s real - rea continues to be fucked up from what happened on the fortress but hey... at least she isn’t fucked up alone??? sad doc x rea content.

into the jungle - the gang is on belsavis and no one is having a good time! since rea isn’t herself, doc tries to pick up the slack and reassure kira that it’ll all be okay! it goes about as well as you’d expect.

interlude now that i’m looking at it, there are some serious gaps in my fic coverage. anyway, sad hours are over, the emperor is (kind of but not really) dead and there may still be a war on but things are looking up! this covers everything between the emperor’s death and the beginning of kotfe, including forged alliances and the shadow of revan.

hands too hungry - doc finally takes rea on that honeymoon she didn’t really care about in the first place! tragically, rea is way too horny to be impressed by what an amazing vacation he planned for himself them. peak rea x doc content.

no kind of romantic - it’s doc and rea’s one year anniversary but they are both working on opposite sides of the galaxy. sad! it’s doc x rea fluff disguised as angst.

a little help from a friend - rea and theron are worst/best friends and i recycle romance tropes into annoying friendship ones. this is the least sexy sharing body heat fic you’ve ever (not?) read. bite me.

retirement - rea has some feelings about her very violent, stressful job and how it interferes with her husband doing things that actually help and heal. doc x rea content.

the dreaded kotfe content these are sad hours!!! this is everything from arcann’s invasion on, cause i’m not breaking it up by post-carbonite storyline you bastards. i don’t know why i’m being so hostile no one asked me to do this.

every doubt we had - after watching what may have been his sister’s death by exploding starship, rhese is having trouble sleeping. no one is more surprised than him when seeks out doc for comfort! doc & rhese brothers by marriage solidarity. carbonite angst...

love is a waiting game - rea’s been MIA for six months since the ship she was on bit it and her crew is finally making some changes. doc is sad about it. doc & rhese brothers by marriage solidarity again. doc x rea angst.

waiting - some time has passed and now rhese is the sad one again!!! grief is so funny isn’t it??? hahahaha haha hahahaha why is no one else laughing? doc & rhese brothers by marriage solidarity yet again.

the greatest distance - rea’s back baby!!!! oh but this isn’t a celebration. she’s taking a tour of her long lost ship now that all the people she loved aren’t in it. it’s a sad one, fellas. 

* when the stars are the only thing we share - rea tracks down some people from her past to help her track down her brother since he went missing while she was having a nap. no canon characters were used in the making of this fic.

leave her sleeping a little longer - rea has a dream and wakes up missing doc even more than she was before. sad hours. doc x rea angst.

take back what the kingdom stole - after theron pulls some Shenanigans (you know the ones) his friendship with rea is in peril. they both break character and actually talk shit out for once.

a wish your heart makes - rea dreams a dream. so does doc. it’s a wet one. this makes it sound lighthearted but actually it’s angst with a side of porn. doc x rea supreme spicy/sad content.

overserved - back to crack baby!! rea gets drunk and acts a fool based on a joke made in a discord server. this is the best shit i’ve ever written.

thrusting back into my skin i feel anew - the band is back together again and everything is fine!!!! just kidding -- actually people change a lot in six years and rea and doc are having some trouble fitting back into the marriage they had back then. doc x rea angst but with a hopeful ending!

non-canon fics i’ve written a couple of things with my dumb characters that are too stupid even for me to put into their canon story or are otherwise aus. these are them, listed in no particular order.

the lies we tell ourselves - a sadder (yet possibly more realistic) take on the ossus reunion and what follows. a bit experimental. doc x rea angst au.

archiban frodrick’s kennel - a romance au where doc is a vet and rea has a pet with a health issue, inspired by my own stupid dog whom i love very much. doc x rea. spiciness suggested but not detailed; sorry horndogs.

fallen - a fun au where rea’s shittiness as a teacher and everything being bad leads to kira falling to the dark side... its angst lads.

the new recruit - rusk’s squad adopts a kitten. that’s the fic.

cruel - ever wonder how things would have turned out if rea was never smuggled off eriadu and got plucked up by the sith?? no??? well i have and i wrote about it. the self-indulgence never ends.

fill my lungs with sweetness - a gift fic for @hoiist; flower-themed vignettes about doc expressing his love for hoiist’s knight, vii. this is some real soft shit, lads.

remember me, love - another gift fic for @hoiist; this time some ossus-flavored angst about doc seeing through vii’s eyes in his dreams. what he sees is not comforting!!! all aboard the angst train--choo choo!!

[a-gent-galahad]

Let’s suit up.

Alright my dudes. I’ve been thinking about making this self-indulgent, long-winded post for years but with the impending release of Men in Black: International, I think it’s time for this Kingsman blog to give an official nod in acknowledgement of another great movie franchise that also struck gold by pairing together an unlikely duo, dressed them in sexy af suits and let them loose to kick some serious ass together 😎

[ companion gifset post here ]

|| SPOILERS WARNING - do not read any further if you have not watched the original Men in Black trilogy, or indeed the Kingsman movies ||

When I first heard about Men in Black: International, I was so excited because I am also an MiB super-fan. It reminded me of the fact that I am obsessed with Kingsman today because I was obsessed with Men in Black way back in 1997. I remember I had posters plastered all over my university room walls of Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith. I actually still have those posters, rolled up and safely stored away.

I suppose you can even kind of say that because of my old obsession, Men in Black is the reason why this blog even exists. Kingsman, whilst of course being its own original and very different story, has a great deal of shared territory with Men in Black…

An independent, international, super secret organisation operating under the government radar.

The organisation’s uniform consists of a kick-ass suit, ridiculously expensive branded glasses and equally expensive wrist watch, all of which you can actually buy in real life.

The agents that don this uniform save the world over and over and over again, with the world’s population none the wiser.

An older, cool af mentor. Nothing fazes him, he doesn't smile much. Can definitely kick some serious ass despite age. His home has classic, traditional decor.

A young, street-smart protégé. Eager and tenacious. Likes to wear loud branded sports gear and wild trainers/sneakers when not Looking Good in a suit.

They first met when the protégé was just a child, soon after the protégé’s father was killed in action and saved the mentor’s life, during a mission when the mentor and the father were working closely alongside each other. Had the father survived, he most likely would have joined the organisation too. The mentor tells the protégé that his father died as a hero. Eggsy’s memento of his father is a medal; Jay’s is a pocket watch.

Many years later, the now adult protégé participates in a frantic night-time chase through the city. He ends up at the police station, being questioned by weary officers in a dimly lit room.

The mentor mysteriously appears here at the police station to meet him and the protégé doesn’t recognise him at first. The mentor has pulled strings to get him released early from the police station.

After shocking him with a dramatic display of The Truth™, the mentor talks across a booth table to a frozen and stunned protégé. The mentor tells the protégé where to find him if he is interested in learning more about The Truth™. The protégé, totally weirded out, stares at the mentor's back as he leaves through the door.

When the protégé goes to the address he is given, he finds the mentor already there waiting for him. The mentor escorts the protégé to HQ for the first time via a secret lift that takes them deep underground.

The protégé is told that he is late when he arrives for the interview. It is a tough recruitment interview by process of elimination from other elite candidates, who are all dressed more formally. Some of them believe the protégé is inferior to them and under-qualified.

The protégé later pines over his absent mentor. The mentor is living a different life and has lost all memory of his many years of service to the organisation.

When they are finally reunited, the mentor doesn't remember the protégé. The protégé has to get his old mentor’s memory back in order to save the world again.

Oh and pugs. Pugs are important.

Both of the first instalments are vastly superior to the second instalments but MiB3 was freaking awesome, so fingers crossed for K3.

And I have to prepare myself for future instalments of both franchises without Harry & Eggsy / J & K 😭😭😭

Apologies for the rambling wall of text, I really needed to get it out of my system. I must reiterate, that although both franchises share a lot of common ground, their tone, style and main plot are completely different. And I absolutely adore them both.

P.S. imo Kingsman glasses are nicer than MiB’s and MiB’s watches are nicer than Kingsman’s 😜

P.P.S. i do wonder if the recent huge success of Kingsman was what got the ball rolling for a 4th crack at MiB...?

P.P.P.S. why tf did the MiB/21 Jump St. crossover get shelved cos that would’ve been lit af

[bomberqueen17]

persuasion

So it was a busy day at work but it being online work, I was at my desk, and had a lot of those moments where I have to click a thing, wait for it to respond, then change a number, and wait for it to take, and then click another thing, so.

I read an ebook of Jane Austen’s Persuasion that I had checked out of my library using the Libby app, which I recommend to everyone. (it’s amazing how much reading you can get done with a Kindle just lying on your desk while you’re working on bullshit that doesn’t take much attention. I should do this more, but somehow I usually fritter it away on trying to write something, which, well, it’s harder.)

Yes, somehow I had made it through two different extremely competitive high schools and a bachelor’s degree in literature and also 39 years of life without ever having read Persuasion, and since I’ve only watched like ten movies in my life, I hadn’t seen any adaptations of it, but a while back somebody had a gifset from some movie-or-TV adaptation of it (i’m sorry, I don’t know which), and someone had commented that it would be really well-suited to the Raksura books, the way their colonies work with a whole court structure, etc., and I like, got it, but I didn’t get it get it, so I read it today and oh now I definitely get it get it.

So, I don’t have time to write it either, but. I’m going to self-indulgently and in too much detail outline it, since I won’t get to write it.

Of course Raksura have more than two genders really (though Wells only uses male and female pronouns, clearly there are at least three or four genders given their physical castes; she lightly touches on this in the short story Adaptation when Chime mysteriously changes from Arbora to Aeriat-- his biological sex changes, from fertile Arbora male to infertile warrior male, as surely as his status in the court changes). But, roughly, as described in Persuasion, a consort is very much like a Regency-era noblewoman, in that their travel is highly circumscribed, and they’re very tied to their birthcourt. 

I could see it being a good future story for Frost, actually-- Frost would be Wentworth, in this. Her status would be uncertain, in Indigo Cloud, should Moon and Jade, and also Pearl and Ember, produce royal clutches of their own-- and we do see Moon and Jade do so, in The Dark Earth Below, and clearly Pearl is working up to doing so with Ember-- so while she remains the third-oldest queen in the entire court, she would by no means be guaranteed any particular place. Now, Indigo Cloud is a small enough court, and closely-enough knit (especially once Moon’s place is secure, and he is extremely protective of Frost and her brothers) that there’s no way she wouldn’t become a sister queen as soon as she was old enough-- and yet, because of Moon, Indigo Cloud’s alliance to Opal Night makes them important all out of proportion to their actual size, so Frost would be pretty well sought-after, but-- 

it’s not that there’s no scandal or hint of insecurity in her past, especially from the perspective of someone not that familiar with Indigo Cloud’s inner workings, and one could project a story wherein she visited a distantly-allied court and was struck by a young consort there and took it upon herself to court him, and he was struck by her in return and responded favorably, but some protective older relative objected to the match (probably on the grounds that Frost was too young, too hot-headed, and not guaranteed any particular place within her court, being an adopted survivor instead of born there) and he was obliged to turn her down. And it’s easy enough to imagine how much this would wound the pride of any hot-blooded Raksuran queen, especially one as volatile as Frost. (I think much of her characterization is actually from the extras on Patreon, but she has been fleshed out quite a bit as a hot-headed but reasonably intelligent and amenable to reason young person who takes her role within the court as seriously as can be expected for one of her age. Her propensity for drama is more benign than Pearl’s, and born largely out of trauma.) 

And so, turns pass, and perhaps she takes another consort, and our unnamed protagonist who plays the role of Anne in this adaptation resigns himself to his fate and turns away the few other queens who notice him, and then at some future juncture they are thrown into contact again. And Frost is older, fully-mature, maybe she has a clutch with this other consort she took in the meantime (ah, but remember, Raksura are poly; though, to smooth the story for the sensibilities of human readers, we could give that consort a story like Ember’s sire’s, where he was short-lived and taken mostly out of pity to keep his bloodline)-- and she has an important place in her colony, perhaps she visits on important business, she is not much concerned with flirting or social nonsense, but is cool and competent and beautiful. And our protagonist has faded into the background of his colony, untaken and mostly useful for diplomacy, childcare, teaching the youngsters etiquette and such, seeing to interior matters of the colony, and much taken for granted by everyone. 

She sees him, and he her, and each of them is awkward, cool, trying to be self-possessed and perhaps overcompensating. They avoid one another; he withdraws, various of the other, perhaps younger and prettier consorts of the court are eager enough to be noticed by her, and perhaps she notices them; Anne-the-consort is dutiful, pained, nobly-retiring, and manages to avoid ever being too close to her.

Perhaps some small calamity befalls, and they are forced into proximity to deal with it. (It could be something like a faction splitting off from a large court and going elsewhere to settle, and Anne-the-consort is among those left behind, but some larger drama is unfolding within the Reaches that Frost is involved in dealing with. I imagine that Indigo Cloud would remain unable to be uninvolved in ongoing drama, it’s not in their nature.) 

And Frost catches his scent, and realizes he’s unmarked, untaken. It quite throws her out of what equanimity she’s managed to attain-- and he notices her noticing it, and is in an agony of simultaneous embarrassment and excitement. Of course she had felt herself wronged, spurned, all those turns before, but to find that he clearly hadn’t just been waiting for a better offer-- but surely, it is too late, he has lost his chance. 

More plot happens, of course, and Frost is much in the company of others, especially one of the young pretty consorts. Somehow the plot contrives that another small calamity befalls, and said young pretty consort is injured, and Frost rescues him, and Anne-the-consort is helpful post-rescue but makes himself scarce to get out of the way-- perhaps he has to go to the new split-off sister colony, and reluctantly makes his home there, among the wider-unfolding drama. And of course the small colony affords more prominence to him, and a queen is, perhaps, courting him now, and he is being encouraged to it by the same helpful older relative that, turns ago, put him off Frost. But he also reconnects with an old friend who now lives in the new colony, and is not well-placed there, and after some time he manages to coax the old friend into revealing some terrible history of the queen courting him, that she terribly mistreated another consort some time ago, that she has done some thing that has gone against the colony’s interests to improve her own standing, and the old friend has been kept ostracized by it in some obscure way. 

Anne-the-consort sets his heart against this queen, but dares not speak out, dares not openly reject her, for it would be too rash and would upset the fragile colony. Into all of this, Frost comes, again, ostensibly on a visit to seek alliance, surely not to see Anne-the-consort, and yet, see him she does, always in fleeting little meetings, an agony of hope and a torment of interest, but no one can speak out. Frost least of all; she believes him to be interested in the rival queen’s suit, and does not want to upset the fragile balance of this delicate new colony. 

Into the midst of this, I somehow want Moon to show up and be Admiral Croft, though probably it can’t be Moon and would have to be Ember-- Ember, who actually understands court etiquette, and actually understands diplomacy, and wouldn’t just cause a huge fight. Ember, who understands and loves Frost, and is going to have to have been the one to teach her most of her manners, because Moon straight-up doesn’t know them. 

And Ember is talking to Anne-the-consort in Frost’s hearing, as Frost is engaged in writing a letter for him, to help resolve the main plot issue, and Ember skillfully draws Anne-the-consort out in talking about the constancy of affection and the different ways of making a match, perhaps Ember is coyly arguing that all matches should be arranged, and Anne is arguing that sometimes it is better to remain forever unattached than to make an inferior match, which is precisely what Ember hoped to goad him into saying in Frost’s hearing. And-- it’s a test of Frost’s temperament, or really a display, since Ember knows already how capable she is-- she drops the pen, but picks it up, and keeps writing, and takes the letter with her but leaves one behind, and Anne-the-consort sees that it is addressed to him. 

So we get to have the beautiful written confession, and Anne-the-consort must contrive some way to get to talk to Frost without the entire court overhearing, and there’s a bumbling but well-meaning relative intruding but of course an unattached consort can’t be left unchaperoned with an unrelated queen, and then something comes up and the well-meaning relative must dash off-- but Frost, you know Anne, surely you can see him safely back to the other side of the colony, and Frost is of course solicitious-- and then they finally get to have a frank conversation in private, and all is finally, finally resolved.

I can’t really believe I’ve spent quite this long summarizing this but it is very painful to me that I can’t actually devote the time to writing it, so. Here y’all go. 

(For bonus excitement, some of the underlying drama is related to Consolation’s flight getting a tree of their own, and Frost is probably one of the people who dedicates herself to seeing that through, because Indigo Cloud is going to (not really reluctantly) be involved, and as a survivor of a Fell-destroyed colony, Frost is sort of unimpeachably invested, and much of her reputation has been gained in standing up to much older and more powerful queens who are being bigots about it and throwing her entire bloodline’s demise in their faces and asking why they get to be more upset about it than she is, and such. She’s gained a reputation for being both very brave and very steady, and surely Malachite has offered some example, if not tutelage, in how to be the stone-coldest of badasses at all turns. Frost has gone from uncertain nobody to being extremely well-respected. This could be an entire novel, and one that would be lovely to write, but I quite simply don’t have the time, I’m sorry y’all.)

[kyloren]

I LOVE your au gifsets - they are amazing! Do you have plan for more jonsa ones?

Thank you so, so much! I’m incredibly happy that you think so, your kind words put a smile on my face. You’re very kind and I appreciate your support! 💖💕💖💕💕💖💕 And, yes, definitely! I have several Jonsa AUs planned out in my projects doc, as well as AUs for other ships that I like. My OTP AUs are completely self-indulgent and despite the pushback (and, weirdly, there has been some 👀, what a thing to send anon hate over, huh), I enjoy making them too much to stop. 

I would say send me ideas if you want to see something in particular, but it’s a bit tricky since a) these AUs depend on what footage I have or can acquire, so that’s a major handicap, and b) since it’s a pretty subjective series, I can’t really make something unless I’m feeling the ships, sadly. In conclusion, if anyone wants to send suggestions, I always welcome them, but I can’t promise I’ll be able to actualise them, apologies. 😅

[ohohpierre]

it’s 2019

this is going to be a long one, a reflection on the last couple of years. lend me your ears and eyes for a few minutes please. 

i joined tumblr either late 2012, early 2013, i can’t quite remember, and i can’t find my archive anymore to be sure. at the time i joined, i had long hair. i was in eighth grade, and i used to browse tumblr on the school-provided iPads in history class. i still identified as a girl. it’s been a long time. now that i am actually thinking about it, it’s been six years. a very long six years. 

i first joined because i was looking for more content on a very specific fandom, and i couldn’t find it anywhere else. that fandom was marble hornets. yes, the very first slender series that started in 2009. i remember joining at a time where everyone was attempting to code break a video, and i hopped in and tried to help. i didn’t help much, but i tried, and made friends along the way. i cosplayed for the first time, first as jessica (as i had the hair for it), then as tim as i realized i might not be a girl (but also because tim is cool as fuck). the photo set i made in my tim cosplay got somewhat popular for its time (not too much in the grand scheme of things), but i remember being immensely proud of it. 

being on tumblr then exposed me to everything it had to offer, the good and the bad. i am no longer ashamed to say that i was part of the superwholock crowd for a while, and i indulged in my fair share of fanfics, off of fanfiction.net. writing that sentence out makes me feel incredibly old. 

i started writing more. i had always been interested in writing and art. i made sideblogs, hoping that something would take off, but for about two years, nothing happened. at this time, i wrote for marvel - specifically stucky - and sherlock - johnlock. i remember the first time i got a work of mine on a list of recommendations. it was my “caught making toast” fic for stucky, only about 200 words, and definitely not my favorite to write. but hey, i felt so proud to be included in something for once. then, one summer, in a moment of boredom, i made several gifsets of stucky situations that passed around for quite a long time. 

i found several partners through tumblr. i made so many friends. i got kicked off a stucky blog, and i’m still pretty bitter about it. i learned a lot, unlearned a lot, and then re-learned a lot when i learned the world wasn’t fucking only black and white. i lived through the mishapocalypse, in fact i contributed to it at the time. i had thought it was hilarious. now it feels like a war flash back. i’ve been here for quite some time. 

there were also many times that i posted as if the world wanted to hear me. maybe it did at one time, but it definitely doesn’t anymore. there is more than a handful of sad posts in my #personal tag on my blog. i was incredibly sad. i nearly died in 2014, several times, and there are posts that document it.

i’ve been on tumblr quite literally through thick and thin. i used to follow self harm and eating disorder blogs and compared myself to them in vain. i went through some pretty bad break ups on here. i felt abandoned and lonely. 

the transition into 2019 is still incredibly fresh. i’m 19 now, nearly 20 years old (i will be in march), and things feel like they are starting over again, but in a much more mature and insidious fashion. i am still writing, in fact, i’m taking a break from writing two drafts for a fic and the first chapter of my novel to go through this. however, once five years clean from self harm, i cut myself december 30, 2018, and i felt like a 13 year old all over again, desperately pulling down the sleeves of my shirts so that my parents don’t worry. i’ve smoked a bit and i am trying to step away from that before it gets too bad. i entered 2019 with scars on my arm for the first time in five fucking years. things are kind of bad. 

i graduate from college in may. i will have an associates degree, and i will be transferring somewhere new to finish my bachelor’s degree. i am still unsure of my path in this life, and it feels like god has abandoned me in this journey. 

six years i’ve been here. six long years where i’ve seen myself grow, repress, and then flourish once more. this winter has been especially cruel, but the spring isn’t too far away. this reflection, while more for myself than anyone else, i can only inspires at least one person. inspires them that who you were several years ago is most certainly not who you are now. being here for so long can shift things out of perspective, keep you in a perpetually loop of endless blue scrolling where the outside world can’t see you. 

this year is 2019. i know many of you may be in similar situations to me, but i want you to know that i never forgot about any of you. i’ve never forgotten about any of my partners, my friends, my no-longer-friends, myself. this winter has been rough, but stoke the fire and wait for the spring. let 2019 be the year of reflection, and let it be one of growth. 

[sadcatjae]

Has anyone seen Jamie Muscato's JD in the Heathers musical?! Ohmyfuck???? The sheer detail and thought he put into his characterisation of JD is incredible (also his voice!!!!!). He very portrays JD very convincingly as an abused character (like he flinches whenever Veronica touches him and he shrinks into himself when his father is around for eg). And of course his unhinged moments are incredible, as well as his awkward and goofy moments. Hes turned jd into this multifaceted person who has a history and a psyche, which is the mark of a very skilled actor. Oh, and he doesn't ease up on JD's toxicity either. He goes all out in his villainy, oppressing veronica with menacing body language and getting right up into her face whenever he loses control. I'm definitely doing a gifset today (purely self indulgent but look it's also kinda whumpy so..)

[qlala]

WIP meme

I was tagged by @moriavis

List all the things you’re currently working on in as much or little detail as you’d like, then tag some friends to see what they’re working on.

This can be writing, art, vids, gifsets - anything at all!

oh god “all” would be…. an extensive list, so I’m gonna read that narrowly and go with just the ones I’ve worked on recently?

Untitled Coldflash Fake-Married AU: that coldflash undercover-as-married, high society slowburn I keep trying to keep a secret and keep telling everyone about anyway. Probably my favorite WIP at the moment? It’s something I chip away at whenever I have some free time, but I haven’t really had free time since like… October, so progress has stalled out a bit. But I love it very much, and still plan on publishing it one day! 

Heartlines: working title for that mage/sellsword coldflash AU that I thought was too niche to bother putting much effort into, but then people said they would actually read it? I talked a lot (too much) about it here; it was originally inspired by the Dragon Age games but then the worldbuilding got out of hand and now it’s more of a medieval romance than anything else. Extremely fun to write, current holder of the “most self-indulgent WIP” title. What I’d be working on tonight if I didn’t have to read a hundred pages of property law instead.

Unfinished Business: a canon-divergent Iris/Lisa ghost hunting (kind of?) fic I first talked about with @asexual-fandom-queen months ago here, and a little more here. Definitely the “surprise bitch, I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me” of this list and probably not something I’ll ever be happy with enough to publish, but it’s got a lot of heart and I love it! Unexpectedly became a great vehicle for me to explore my headcanons about Lisa and Len’s relationship, especially after Lewis’s death. The world needs more femslash so I might end up culling this into a long-ish one shot if I can’t wrangle a multi-chapter this semester. 

Untitled Selkie!Barry Coldflash AU: exactly what it says on the tin. High-key just some “living in a lighthouse by the sea” escapism, which might just be a me thing, but probably has some universal appeal after the year we all just had. 

Tagging @itsbrookeks @craptaincold and @nixie-deangel if someone else hasn’t gotten to you first!

[allwaswell16]

List all the things you’re currently working on in as much or little detail as you’d like, then tag some friends to see what they’re working on. This can be writing, art, vids, gifsets, whatever.

I was tagged by @thelouistiti Thanks for the tag Suzon! <3 <3

Okay, so in my mind I feel like I don’t have that many WIPs! But maybe that’s a lie. I guess we’ll both find out in a second.

Right now I’m writing an anonymous Larry fic for the Moodboard Fic Challenge. I won’t say a lot since it’s anonymous, but it’s exes to lovers and I’m trying to not let it get TOO angsty. But we’ll see what happens. lol. 

I’m running the Larry Abroad Fic Challenge (click there and find more info on it cough cough) with @afirethatcannotdie ! So I’ll be writing one of those eventually. Not sure what location I’ll be writing about since obviously Ellie and I will choose one after everyone else has been assigned. But I’ll probably choose to write about one of the places I’ve traveled to and be very self indulgent. ha!

I have a published Larry WIP. sigh. I almost don’t want to link it, but I probably will. I so badly want to finish it, but I am just really stuck. I’ve never been so stuck on a fic before. I just can’t move forward with it until I figure out exactly what I want to have happen or else it will just be shit. I have an outline for it, but something is just not right. So I’ve got to wait until I figure it out to move forward. Anyway, it’s called And I Could Hear the Thunder. (Harry prepares to inherit his family's estate, and Louis is the mysterious boy living in the manor to the north.) It’s historical and magical realism and someday I’m going to finish it.

Okay, soooooo I have a big project that I’m going to hopefully begin soon. I want to write a Larry ABO fic. Well, I’m not sure want is the right word, more like I think I need to write the fic I’m envisioning as an ABO fic. It’s historical and I think ABO is the best way to adapt the historical romance novel I was writing before I started writing fic. I’m very excited and scared about it. lol. It’s definitely the most ambitious thing I’ve tried to write since maybe my first one. And it will definitely be the longest thing I’ve written. 

Somewhere in here, I will probably end up writing another 1000 Feelings fic as well when I’m trying to procrastinate on writing other things on this list. And I just wrote and published a ficlet today on tumblr whilst procrastinating. Welp. 

Okay, so I’ll tag @afirethatcannotdie @taggiecb @melmanpur @lululawrence @fullonlarrie @becomeawendybird @dimpled-halo @worksbeautifully @flamboyantommo @suddenclarityharry

[number5theboy]

CREATOR TAG MEME

RULES: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

I was tagged by the wonderful @seance, @i-seeaspaceshipinthe-sky and @ogaferoga, all of them awesome creators themselves, thank you all!

This has been a wild year, because I’ve created a lot of gifs for this blog that isn’t even a year old, and I’ve gotten to know so many sweet, wonderful people. There were many gifs to choose from, so I grouped them, because I’m very proud of my output for this blog.

The Umbrella Academy...but it is a FILM NOIR / HORROR MOVIE

I started this series that I plan on continuing, taking the shots from the Umbrella Academy and editing them to look like a certain genre. I’m especially proud of the fact that I looked up the aspect ratio of noir movies for the Noir AU gifset. This was the initial idea, but while I was working on them, I also kept imagining how I could link these visuals, and slowly but surely I developed stories as I was working on the gifs. I really like the AUs I created, and am sad that I’m not a diligent enough fic writer to be able to write them out in the way they deserve. Also really love the touch of naming the AUs through songs that are on the soundtrack, I really think that idea is neat.

The Lost Hargreeves HERE / HERE

567 is my favourite dynamic that was never truly shown in the show itself. I like Five, Ben and Vanya separately a lot, and I love the idea of them together. I’m very proud of the first gifset I ever made for them, because it shows how similar their stories are, how all of them were pushed to do monstrous things through abuse, and how they deserve better. But I also think there is so much love between them, so much gentleness. I will never be over the parallel of Vanya reaching out for Five to clean his wound after he just killed the Commission hitmen and Ben reaching for Vanya’s hand after she just massacred everyone in the FBI office. I just love this idea of someone still loving them, still reaching out for them at their lowest, at their worst, and not judging, I really adore this dynamic, and if I may say so, I kind of went off with the colouring on both.

Soundtrack Sets HERE / HERE

I adore the soundtrack of the show, and I’m a sucker for lyrics as they are used in a scene. So far, I’ve made two gifsets about the lyrics, one that is just about how some lyrics of Season 1 would have fit some of the Hargreeves siblings but weren’t used for them, and another that shows how the lyrics of songs specific to Five scenes interconnect because I love me some thematic coherence. I just like playing with words and how they fit to images, and TUA really is a show that lets me do that. I also just really like the look of the Five gifset specifically, because I really went experimental on that one, and it was fun to figure out a colour palette for it.

Misc ‘I’m proud of the technical aspects of these!!’ Gifsets

Diego & Allison dynamic: I just love the way these gifs interplay, I like the size I chose for the gifs, and although I would do the colouring differently were I to redo this gifset, I just loved making this so much because Diego and Allison have such a great dynamic.

Vissy in the barn: I love this moment, and Marin Ireland is so RIDICULOUSLY charming in the show, but this is on here because I really outdid myself with the colouring here. Soft orange and blue, and that for a scene that is terribly lit. I’m still so proud.

It’s Tough to be a God for Klaus: I am SO fucking proud of the lettering I did for this one. It looks awesome, I think the song I picked is fun and fitting, and just. The framing I did with the text. I really am happy with it, and I’m bad at lettering usually.

Team Dumbass Relationship Growth Appreciation Post: The colours I did here pop beautifully, even though I really struggled with some of them (the light in Elliott’s home?!? a nightmare). I also just loved showing their growth through this simple idea, simple quote, with the black and white gifs from S1E1 and S2E10, and I love the orange and cyan for the font. I should continue the visual with other dynamics, now that I think of it.

Five Favourite Five Gifsets of 2020

Five: The Mammoth Project: This was THE project of the year for me. I combed through all the Five scenes of Seasons 1 and 2, and picked favourite moments. I had to make cuts, as well as the decision to only do dialogue bits. I could redo this with just nonverbal acting moments, I just adore this performance that much. I worked for weeks on this set. I love the colouring I did, and I just love the range the set showcases. Aidan Gallagher is so good in this role, and this set is a love letter to the performance.

Five + Greek Mythology: This was so self-indulgent, but this gifset turned out so pretty. Five’s story reminds me very much of a Greek tragedy in its thematics, and he has so many characteristics of an archetypal Greek hero, and this was just about me concretising this idea in visuals and writing.

 Five and the Handler on the Highway: This is the only gifset on here I think definitely flopped, which makes me so, so sad. I really like this moment and I love the colouring I did for it even more. The blue is so clear and so sharp and offsets the red, and the fact that this gifset hasn’t even cracked 150 notes really bums me out, because I love it a lot.

Five + MCR’s ‘Teenagers’: Good colouring! Good lettering! One of two MCR songs I know! I really had fun making it because Teenagers is such a song that would fit both Five and a Five fight scene, and so putting it over the Board massacre was a delight.

Five’s reaction to other assassin’s quitting: I just love this acting moment so much, the consistency of it all. How Aidan Gallagher just perfectly conveys this little moment of understanding, of being glad for someone else, a moment of recognition. I also love the colouring on this, the blues turned out so nice.

I feel like everyone in the fandom has already been tagged, so I’ll try out some, and if you haven’t been tagged, feel free to take this as an invitation to do this! @diazalex @catchingmydeatth @zavens @fivevanyaklaus @lilapittss, @hargreevesklaus, @hargreeves-ben @thecyndimistuff