#this fic did not pass the bechdel test XD

[cuubism]

First of other-pairings fics. Calliope & Lucienne. this dynamic turned out odder than I thought it would.

--

At long last the Dreaming is normal again -- such that the Dreaming can ever be normal. After a century of decay in which Lucienne had feared the Dreaming might simply fade away, after the manifestation of the vortex in Rose, when she'd feared it might be ripped apart entirely--after all this, the Dreaming is peaceful again.

It should be peaceful.

Why can't she feel it?

Lucienne is wandering the palace gardens. She does not often wander. Usually she walks with decision. But all the major reconstruction is done in the library, and around the Dreaming more generally, and while there is always general organizing, and a continual influx of new books, her time is not currently fully occupied.

And so she is wandering. Something she had only truly done during Lord Morpheus's absence, when the library became too unspooled to tend, until things decayed to the point that even the gardens felt treacherous and she had retreated to the palace.

She does not think she is meant for wandering. She likes to have something to do. One of the hardest things during this century of a crumbling Dreaming had been not being able to do anything.

It's as she is walking the gardens, the peaceful-yet-strange breezes of the Dreaming fluttering the tails of her coat and chilling the tips of her ears, when she encounters a familiar--yet unexpected--dreamer.

She looks much the same as when Lucienne had last seen her, those thousands of years ago. Poised, elegant, timeless. She's wandering just as Lucienne had been doing, the long hem of her dress brushing the grass, and despite her bare arms doesn't seem chilled by the cool wind. What is she doing here?

"Lady Calliope," Lucienne greets as their paths cross at an intersection, surprise slipping past her usual professional neutrality. There is no perfect way to say, I thought Lord Morpheus had barred you from the Dreaming, but Lucienne is a master of tact. "I... had not expected to see you in the heart of the Dreaming. Welcome."

They had known each other once, though they had never been friends. Lucienne is, and was then, a custodian of stories, and could not help but to admire the muse who had inspired so many. Calliope was, and perhaps is still, a being of grace, and there was much to admire in that. But there was always the wedge of Morpheus between them and the possibility of friendship.

Calliope gives her a wan smile and an acknowledging dip of her head. "Lucienne. Greetings. Fear not, I've not come to trouble your lord. He would not admit me anyway; I know this without having to approach the gates."

Lucienne thinks this is true; if she were meant to find her way inside, she would have already, else Lord Morpheus would have found her here. But Lucienne had not been aware they were even on such meager visiting terms.

"It is no trouble," she says. "You are welcome."

It is strange, though. An upset to the tentative balance. Only Morpheus softening his ire could not be a bad thing... could it?

Calliope trails her hand along a flower petal; the stem shrinks back, and then reaches for her again. She touches another: it shrinks, and then reaches. "Yes, it seems he has given me leave to wander the gardens. I suppose this is progress."

Lucienne's curiosity overtakes her propriety. "Did something... change? Recently?"

"Oneiros and I met recently under poor circumstances," Calliope says, and looks up at the tall spires of the palace, just visible over the trees. "We had not spoken for a millennia."

When she doesn't continue, Lucienne asks, "And... you are speaking now?"

"It was I who first went silent on him," Calliope says, skirting the question--though perhaps the fact that she's outside of the palace instead of in is its own answer.

"I remember," Lucienne says. She remembers, too, Morpheus afterward. Lucienne does not believe in exonerating him of fault, but when it comes down to it she is Morpheus's man, so to speak. If there must be sides, she always knows which one she is one, particularly when it comes to his heart. And there are always sides when a marriage falls apart.

She wonders if she should be wary at all of Calliope's renewed presence here. Not that the goddess would mean harm, but harm does not have to be meant to be enacted.

Calliope gives her a knowing look, like she suspects much of what Lucienne is thinking. She is clever, and perceptive. Once Lucienne had thought--hoped--that she might be good for Morpheus. That she had mettle enough to withstand his tempests, and to stand up to him, and yet the gentleness to be soft when he needed it. That her steady tides might temper his storms. Perhaps they had, for a time--Lucienne's knowledge of the situation is certainly not entire. But storms and tides... too easy for the storm to whip the tide into a froth. Too easy for the tide to pull back into the ocean right when the storm is about to fall.

"We are not speaking," Calliope says at last, "though I have made the offer. Perhaps I was silent for too long. I could not forgive him for how he treated our son. Still, I cannot. But..." She looks up again at the highest spires of the palace, expression creasing in a pain that's familiar. Lucienne has felt it herself. "But, I think that I no longer begrudge him the strangeness of his grief."

Lucienne wonders if Morpheus's grief is not so much strange as it is simply buried, but doesn't say so.

Calliope shakes her head, looking back to Lucienne. "I speak too much. Long has it been since I have been in the Dreaming this way. It loosens the heart, does it not?"

Perhaps for dreamers, Lucienne thinks. For herself, she knows quite well how to shore up her heart. Perhaps she learned it from Morpheus, all those years perched upon his shoulder.

"The Dreaming does reach for emotion," she says. "It recognizes you."

Calliope touches one of the flower petals again. "Yes. Tell me, how is he? You have always had a most perceptive eye."

Met under poor circumstances, she had said. Lucienne wonders whether Calliope knows where her former husband was this century. The manner of the question suggests that she may, but Lucienne won't speak of it regardless.

"Lord Morpheus has been busy," she says. To say that he is well might be overstating it. But he has... changed, she thinks. Perhaps for both good and ill.

"I imagine," Calliope says quietly.

"But it is peaceful here," Lucienne adds. She will convince herself of it.

"So it seems," says Calliope, even as another chill wind rustles her hair. "I am glad of it."

Lucienne wonders if Morpheus will speak with her, eventually. And whether that will bode healing or more grief.

A stronger wind blows past. Calliope looks away, as if hearing something far off--the morning is calling her to wakefulness.

"My lady--" starts Lucienne, before she can disappear--but Calliope says--

"Please. Calliope, now." Her smile twists--reflecting on something Lucienne does not know of. "I am finding I don't care much to be... deified in this age."

It is strange to have seen her and Morpheus in the early notes of their courtship, at the peak of their joy, its plunging wake, eons of silence-- and to see them now, backs turned to each other, and yet something so similar upon them. Sometimes, Lucienne does not know what to do with all that she has witnessed.

"Calliope," Lucienne amends, and Calliope gives her a real smile. "Shall I tell him you were here?"

"I am sure he knows already," says Calliope. And this is true, Morpheus certainly does.

"Shall I tell him anyway?" says Lucienne.

"I do not wish to make you into a messenger between estranged former lovers; you have more important work to do than that, I am sure," says Calliope, but looks contemplative. "Yes. Do tell him. I should like this open door to be..." her gaze flicks up again at the palace, and then away, "acknowledged. Thank you, Lucienne. Fare you well."

Then she's gone, back to the Waking. Lucienne watches the gently-swaying flowers. Truly, strange breezes are blowing in the Dreaming. And she does not know if the tentative peace can hold against them.

[shamelessllamapeanutthing]

Ships and Feels about them

HUGE self-indulgent post but my brain is frozen and I need to get the juices flowing so I can start studying, because if I don’t get into the college I want I just might have to kill myself and then y’all can say bye-bye to your fav fics by your majesty. 

YoruSoi- status: worSHIPPING (geddit? XD) them like the goddesses they are

I regularly play Wicked Ones by Dorothy and just imagine these two tag-teaming against their opponents, like the crazy, badass, ninja lesbians they are. It fucking gives me goosebumps and makes me blush like I am imagining them rawing each other instead. I am a big time SUCKER for powerful, cut-throat wlw. They make me feel powerful by extension, and my devotion for these two is completely unparalleled. 

VictUuri- status: will protect them with my life  

First of all, I love how layered and interesting they are. I can think about this show and this ship for hours and hours on end ( @feastingonvicturi will vouch for that). I naturally gravitate towards angsty ships and writing (because I am a weird sado-maso cross, what can I say) except for these two fluffy bastards. I had been putting off watching YOI because of the weird things I had read about ‘yaoi’ animes (IK YOI is not yaoi, now) till someone told me how pure and deep their love for each other was and welp, here we are. 

RenRuki- status: comfort ship I’ll defend till death

It was one of my first ships and even as I multi-shipper, I always had a preference for them. Childhood-friends-to-lovers trope tugs on my heartstrings like little else and Renji’s devotion towards Rukia warms my heart. I hear them in nearly every song, imagine them in every scenario I read or write about and even though I have multiple ships I adore involving Rukia and Renji both, the two together is everything to me. (Presently obsessed with the amazing hcs and art by @recurring-polynya you might wanna check them out)

KaiRay- status: heart is taking a break, but remains firmly attached

I got into Beyblade BECAUSE of this ship, because of the moments these two shared in V-Force that I caught glimpses of when my younger siblings were watching the show. I love Kai and Ray’s dynamic and I guess what attracts me the most to this ship is the fact that as a teenager I was exactly like Kai and had my own personal Ray who got me through the worst in life. I love the sense of sweet nostalgia this couple brings me and I believe they are perfect for each other. 

MariahEmily- status: coffee shop AU, anyone? 

I was HUGE on MariahxRay but strong, stylish, kinda bitchy, dumb thot falling for the highly educated and fierce lady boss she doesn’t really know how to approach is another one of my favourite tropes, (see: PansMione, down under). I saw them interact and due to personal reasons my brain rejects petty rivalry between girls (because we’re all tired of that, children, be honest) and immediately tries to fix it in fanon. ( @trashyartz  and her beautiful drawings had a lot to do with fanning these flames.) 

ShunUki- status: want them to adopt me

Need I say more? No, but I wanna. I love the steady, secure vibes of this ship. This is the one ship I physically can’t write angsty shit about because of the level of understanding and sense of comfort these two share. They give me kind and strong dad vibes and I have emotionally been an orphan since I was in my early teens so. 

WolfStar- status: they’re canon, JKR can suck my toes

Fucking TERF 

Listen, listen, have you been listening? I mentioned I am a sucker for angst, right? Are you looking at the angst potential here, cause wow. What originally attracted me to this ship was the Chemistry between the two, cause it’s undeniable. You can NOT imagine Maurauders’ Era without imaging these two pining over each other. It’s impossible. 

PansMione- status: toxic and problematic, but oh so hot

I got on this ship because I was craving some quality wlw ships. You guys’ I can not explain to you how often female characters in shows and books do not pass the Bechdel test and I stumbled on some gorgeous PansMione art and just fell in love. IK this ship is hella problematic, but I am firm on my stance that the baby Slytherins deserve a redemption arc. 

Can you imagine these two after Pansy realises everything she did wrong and vows to be better? I imagine Hermione stumbling on a hurt and confused Pansy in year 8, who can’t stop her tears from flowing and is so ashamed of herself for that. She is feeling guilty and resisting the emotion with everything she possesses because the world she’d always known has crumbled down around her and everything she believed in has now been proven to be wrong. 

She lashes out at Hermione because how dare that smart, gorgeous, courageous girl also be everything Pansy once thought she was? How dare she, a muggleborn, unravel the complicated threads of the wizard world so quickly, so efficiently, and clearly see what Pansy never could? Pansy is hurt and guilty and angry and she hates the fact that fucking Granger of all people has now witnessed her crying. 

She feels lost and her anger only rages louder when Hermione doesn’t gloat or belittle her, she doesn’t say anything. 

(Why is this turning into a ficlet, WHAT) 

Anyways, Pansy gets over herself and she and Hermione get together and oh my god, imagine them then. Smart, powerful, righteous Hermione taking the fucking Wizarding World by a storm every single day with her sexy, vivacious, clever Pansy by her side. They’d be unstoppable and they’d love each other something fierce. It would show in the way they look at each other, with a sense of victory, not only over Voldemort but over the entire Wizarding society that had done everything it could to tear them apart, and ultimately failed. 

(BONUS: Imagine Ron and Harry being utter dorks when they go to Pride parades with Hermione and let the image cleanse your skin and soul. @feastingonvicturi @trashyartz one of you (or both?) needs to collab with me so I can write a fix it fic for these two, please. I will pledge my soul to the devil to be used and abused as per Trashy’s whims in exchange. Taura will do it cause she’s my best friend and loves me more than I deserve to be loved.)

(In conclusion, I adore every single one of these ships and am willing to slice a bitch’s throat to protect their honour. Except for YoruSoi, they are fictional characters IK but I am convinced they do not need anybody’s protection, least of all this dumb fuck’s and just might laugh at the very idea.) 

Also, feel free to reblog or comment with rants about your own ships even if they go directly against mine. More love to you if you expand on the ships I mentioned here myself. Tell me about your poison of choice, go ahead. 

But if any one of you dares to send hate to any of my ships, please know that I am something of a God in my own capacity and will smite you with my preferred weapon of choice i.e. blindness in the face of adorable puppies or kittens (in pictures, videos, art, real life or otherwise). Beware. Let people love what they love.

[bereft-of-frogs]

Who are your top 5 mcu characters and top 5 star wars characters? I guess is may change sometimes, but for now. :)

oh goodness. this is an excellent question. I think it probably will change, especially for Star Wars as I continue my rereading of the old book series stuff, digging back in and what-not; but also for both as new things are released. (I’m now like ‘omg the whole of the Wandavision crew needs way more consideration for this top 5 list than I ever thought I’d give them what’.) Sorry it’s taken a couple days! This was hard.

Putting it under a cut for length:

MCU:

1. Sam Wilson. This was really hard to choose between all of Team Cap because I love them all equally, but out of the three Winter Soldier crew, I love Sam the best. ‘...if you eat that sort of thing’ ‘So do you like cats?’ ‘I hate you’  #iconic

2. Loki & Thor. Okay here’s where I cheat a little, because I couldn’t choose one and not the other.

3. Valkyrie. I just love her. (Debated putting Hela here instead, because I also love Hela in a similar but opposite way, if that makes sense?)

4. Nick Fury. Fine in Avengers, loved him after Winter Soldier, loved him even more after Captain Marvel stripped down his cool exterior and revealed him to be a bit of a dork who liked cats and was willing to help with the dishes. I hope we get to see more of him.

5. Wanda. Oh my God, Wandavision just came out of nowhere with the Wanda feels, didn’t it? I will say I was lukewarm-neutral on her, and then Wandavision recontextualized so much of her story and made me feel so much about her.

Honorable Mentions: all of the Guardians of the Galaxy because I couldn’t just pick one; Captain Marvel herself came close to getting Fury’s spot (’I have nothing to prove to you’ sobs); Vision was another surprise ‘oh no where did these feelings come from’ character post-Wandavision, (same with Darcy wth happened); Jimmy Woo should get his own series I will sign the petition

Star Wars:

1. Mace Windu. Okay this is an deep abiding love. How could I not love him when I was 10? The man had a purple lightsaber. (Purple was my favorite color, that was pretty much the extent of my character analysis back then.) This has only been confirmed as an adult by all of Shatterpoint. This is officially a Mace Windu appreciation blog.

2. Obi-Wan Kenobi. How can you not?

3. Qui-Gon Jinn. I left the fandom for like 20 years and came back and apparently he’s ~~problematic~~ and yes I will finally admit it, this is the character I’ve been vague-ing about the AO3 tags being a cesspool. He’s just such an interesting character...and that has apparently translated to ‘he’s the worst’ which okay thanks for letting me know I won’t like your fic but...man, the ‘Qui-Gon was literally the worst’ is suddenly everywhere and I’m confused. (again ‘suddenly’ I haven’t been super active in this fandom in a while, it might not have been sudden. Not quite 20 years but it’s been a while and I never noticed back then, idk if it’s a new development or just the product of me trying to sift through AO3 instead of relying on recs...anyway that’s my #confession for the day)

4. Cassian Andor. Okay partially for superficial reasons because Diego Luna is distractingly pretty. But I also love the more serious take on the rebel who knows that he has to get his hands dirty for the cause. He and Jyn’s embrace on the beach at the end is honestly one of my favorite Star Wars moments.

5. Din Djarin. He’s just a man trying to get an education for his son and know as little as possible about the plot of Star Wars, who accidentally ends up winning in battle the rulership of a planet he’s never seen. Poor man. He’s just doing his best. I can’t wait for next season.

Honorable Mentions: K-2SO was hilarious and the rest of the Rogue One crew should technically share the spot with Cassian but Diego Luna is just so pretty; the nanny/assassin droid that Taika Waititi played in The Mandalorian because I always surprise myself by crying when he sacrifices himself in the last episode; literally every female character because my list, like James Luceno, impressively does not pass the Bechdel Test (oof I’m aware, I get it, but I had to narrow this down to 5, and I’m sorry); special mention to Bo-Katan even though I’ve only seen two episodes with her in them (I didn’t, and honestly probably won’t, watch The Clone Wars) but also I might just have a crush on Katee Sackhoff...

Narrowing these down to 5 was super hard, this was quite the challenge, and I only cheated a little there, thank you anon. Sorry it’s taken me a couple days! This was hard! XD And I’m sure it will be updated as things progress with the Marvel series coming out. Also I just got a PS4 and Jedi Fallen Order from my brother in the mail, yes I did have him ship his old PS4 across a closed international border so I could play Fallen Order (and also nothing else is giving me serotonin any more and the internet suggests trying something novel to get the serotonin molecules boogieing, so let’s see if my video game redemption arc is a go).

[panharmonium]

@merlinobsessionist you understand me on a spiritual level

[putting the rest of this under a cut because it just ended up being me grumping at length about fandom trends - which, yes, i am well-aware is a silly endeavour in all cases, but sometimes you just gotta have your little grump regardless, you know, for health reasons. X)  and in this particular case the grumping is probably relevant/entertaining only to myself, and you, and one or two other people here, so, tucking it away to spare everyone’s dash :) ]

the other day i was exploring the mostly abandoned wasteland that is the merlin fandom on livejournal (since that’s my original fandom home and obviously i missed out on being involved in that particular niche of lj when merlin was active, so i was feeling nostalgic and kinda curious as to it had looked like) - i stumbled over a merlin fic-finders comm and looked up my boy william just for kicks, and surprisingly, a couple of the old requests sounded like maybe i WAS involved in the merlin fandom on livejournal back then and i just don’t remember it

i think i wrote this in a past life

this is an eleven year-old comment in a mostly defunct fandom community but i felt it in my BONES

oh, my dear commenter from 8 years ago, i WISH  XD

it made me laugh, and then it made me grumpy, because obviously there were very few suggestions offered in response to these asks - the fics just don’t exist, not in any numbers.

and like, the thing is, i don’t particularly care about the shipping side of things for the most part; i always lean towards gen and that’s mostly been it, for me; that’s always been my MO in every fandom i’ve ever participated in, but - look.  if i have to witness (*checks ao3*) 23,830 (twenty four thousand. twenty four THOUSAND!!!!) instances of merlin getting together with arthur hecking pendragon, over and over and over again, in every AU configuration under the sun, then you had better believe i am ready and willing to plead the case of the only person in the merlin-verse who did not think arthur pendragon deserved merlin’s entire life.  

and of course, there’s nothing inherently wrong with arthur and merlin as an item, obviously (i mean, i can name a few things about it that don’t appeal to me personally, but that is not the same thing as a value judgment) and everybody should have fun with their own ships, always - but for me, personally, there is just...enough of that out there.  i have seen Enough.  it’s hard for me to even determine where the rest of the fandom is, under the ever-present spread of merlin/arthur content; a picture of merlin/arthur should literally be next to the dictionary entry for steamroller.

and of course, i knew it would be like this from the beginning, and i know complaining about the ubiquitousness of a particular ship in fandom is utterly silly, in the end, because it’s not like there’s anything wrong with something being ubiquitous - the whole point of fandom is to make what you love, and if that’s what everybody loves, well, hey, that’s just how it is!  that’s what people should be making - the stuff they love!  that’s what fandom is here for!  i only mutter to myself in the bubble of my own blog because the ubiquitousness makes it almost impossible for me to find what *i* love, because i don’t want to read about arthur/merlin in the first place, no matter who else appears in the fic, and also because my fave minor character, while he gets a pretty good amount of fannish screentime for someone who showed up in one episode, also suffers from the curse known as “virtually everything he features in is actually about merlin and arthur getting it on”

like - by the numbers, when you exclude merlin/arthur from will’s character tag, will retains less than 20% of his fics, some of which are already like...you know, he’s dead, or just mentioned, et cetera.  

and his poor ship tag...he and merlin have 136 fics in their tag, and at first you wanna look at that and be like - ‘hey, not bad, pal, that’s p. good for a rarepair!’  but in actuality, less than 20 of those fics are actually about him and merlin.  like...12% of his own ship tag actually belongs to him, and the rest is him being used as a plot device to get arthur and merlin together.

and i am sure that a lot of other side characters probably suffer from this, too, given the general fic distribution in this fandom, though the only person i’ve looked at for comparison purposes is freya, who is a (mostly) one-ep character like will.  she, despite that, doesn’t appear to get hit quite as hard - she seems to keep more of her fic for herself, which is nice (when i exclude merlin/arthur from the freya/merlin search, freya still retains about 65% of her fics, as opposed to will’s sad little 12%).  i’m glad for her, though - she of all people does not need to be losing fic to arthur; she has suffered enough. 

to put things in perspective, though - merlin and uther have more fics in their ship tag that earnestly focus on the tagged....hnhhmgnhn i can’t say it...relationship than merlin and will do - even filtering out every instance of dubcon/noncon.  

(and yes, i did in fact want to die when i had to actually click the merlin/uther tag on ao3 in order to check that factoid, thanks for asking.)

so, that said - i don’t generally read canon-era fic anyway, when i’m actively writing for a fandom, but since the merlin fandom sometimes feels like it consists solely of modern AU’s anyway, all i am trying to say is that it would be nice if i could pick up an AU including a character i enjoy without seeing him constantly reduced to:

merlin’s loser ex

merlin’s abusive ex (w h at)

merlin’s ex who’s kinda sorta tolerable-ish, maybe, if you squint, but just ultimately Not Right for merlin - holding merlin back, or being too overbearing, or too pushy, or Just Not Enough - or being someone who merlin stays with only bc he’s familiar and merlin’s settling for something safe and unrisky and stagnantly unfulfilling

the dude who merlin cheats on to be with arthur

the dude who cheats on merlin, bc the fic needed a reason to break up merlin and will so that white-knight!arthur could swoop in (cue me shouting ‘IN WHAT UNIVERSE DO YOU THINK WILL WOULD EVER - ’)

the dude merlin “makes mistakes with” when things with arthur aren’t going well

the friend-with-benefits who’s apparently chill with a casual arrangement, thus keeping himself conveniently out of the way of the oncoming merlin/arthur train

the friend-with-benefits who’s secretly NOT chill with a casual arrangement and who’s pining for merlin, except we all know that ain’t ever going anywhere because arthur exists, and in the meantime merlin only ever gets together with will to try and forget his problems

the friend-with-no-benefits who’s still pining for merlin (which situation, i might add, would be read completely differently if it were arthur in will’s shoes, because if that were the case then the audience would 100% be rooting for him)

the “best friend” whose only purpose in fic is to provide space for conversations/debriefs about merlin’s relationship/pre-relationship with arthur (like - i’m sorry, but there desperately needs to be some type of bechdel-esque test for will; e.g. do will and merlin have a conversation about something other than arthur pendragon?  if yes, u win, u may pass go, collect 20 dollars, congratulations)

the friend whose dislike of arthur always, ALWAYS ends up being framed as a mistake.  as will’s stubborn unwillingness to give arthur a chance, until at last will sees the light and succumbs to the irresistible beauty of merlin and arthur’s eternal love. -_-  there is vanishingly rare acknowledgement in fic of the fact that in the canon universe, all of the criticisms will makes about merlin and arthur’s relationship are not only accurate, but made in merlin’s best interests (and also, ultimately, proven right, by the end of the show - merlin tanks his whole damn life for a series of empty promises prophesying arthur pendragon’s future potential, and he gets NOTHING for his devotion.  merlin is more alone at the end of the show than he was at the beginning, when his only dream was to be loved and accepted by more than the two people who’d comprised his entire life up until that point.  and he spends at least half a decade in between the show’s hopeful beginning and its miserable end being told that he’s evil by the very person for whom he is expected to sacrifice his future.  

so what, exactly, makes will so wrong to be wary?  who among us wouldn’t be angry if we saw somebody we loved being forced to sacrifice themselves on an unforgiving altar like this?  

i don’t know the answer.  i’m not sure what it is that earns will his spot on the “destined to be shafted for arthur pendragon” list.  i don’t know if it’s an unconscious backlash to will’s refusal to hop on the arthur/merlin train, or if it’s just a superficial understanding/lack of genuine interest in his character, which, in that case, sure, i’ll give people that one, in all fairness; not everyone has spent a year picking his character apart (though i still don’t think it justifies tossing him in there just because the fic needs a random insert who can be positioned as inferior to arthur’s gloriousness).  either way, the end result is that we usually end up seeing a will who has very little in common with his source material, or who needs to ultimately step aside to make way for arthur - arthur, who never displays the same level of care toward merlin in canon that merlin shows toward him, and who actively oppresses merlin’s people for the entire duration of their relationship.  

like...it’s all just fic, obviously, and we can make characters as OOC as we want; have fun; go wild.  but at the same time, it’s impossible for me not to balk at how arthur in some of this fic is just - utterly unrecognizable.  in comparison with fic!will, arthur is the most Solicitous, Gentle, Understanding, Deeply Concerned, Invested-In-Merlin’s-Welfare-and-Inner-Thoughts creature you ever did see, and I’m just over here like - it is not like that!  it is NOT LIKE THAT!  IT HAS LITERALLY NEVER BEEN LIKE THAT.  arthur pendragon in fic sometimes interacts with merlin like - he tilts his head and listens like a therapist and affirms absolutely everything merlin says and tells him ‘gosh, i understand. tell me more. how can i help you’ - he goes about his day thinking about merlin and putting merlin first and i just - i literally have never seen this person before in my life.  who is this man?  who is this unbelievably attentive paragon of caring?  i’ve never met him before.

the entire running problem with merlin and arthur’s friendship in canon is that arthur, while he absolutely does care about merlin, tends to take merlin for granted.  merlin is just another feature of arthur’s landscape, until something dramatic happens and arthur has a little scare and saves merlin’s life, and then things go back to the way they were.  arthur doesn’t See merlin the way he should, not in the ordinary moments.  merlin goes home and spends his evenings thinking about arthur’s life; he ties himself in knots trying to help arthur develop as a person and to keep arthur safe and happy, but arthur just goes home and eats supper with his wife.  arthur does not go home and spend his nights agonizing over how he can improve merlin’s life.  he never once thinks, ‘my purpose on this earth is to serve and support my friend merlin.’  he never feels like he’s supposed to be half of some two-sided coin.  i know people like to give arthur this quality in their fic - and that’s totally fine, of course, it’s fic, have as much fun as you want - but in canon, that is just not something arthur pendragon does.  it’s not who he is shown to be.  

and yet almost every time when i go to explore fandom, i find that the person who does put merlin first in canon is perpetually elbowed aside for this extremely generous interpretation of everyone’s favorite prince.  

and i just...i always try to find the good bits in everything, and i am sometimes willing to overlook a ship i don’t personally enjoy if there’s something else about the piece that i think is great, but there’s only so many times i can read the sentence “merlin had never felt like this with anyone, not even will” in fics where merlin and will are supposed to have been dating or even married/engaged, or “will was merlin’s best friend, but he just didn’t understand” (not like arthur, of course, who merlin literally just met a week ago), or “will was great, but there was only so much of him merlin could stand in one sitting/will was great, but he was best enjoyed in small doses.”  there’s only so many times i can read a hundred different variations of that before i start to get real grumpy.  and that’s not even touching the fics where will’s portrayed less favorably than that, even.  

so, you know.  i feel grumbly about it sometimes, how this particular character is trapped in a perpetual net of always being less-than, when one of the nicest parts of fandom for me is that every character/ship can have an infinitude of possibilities, even the ones i personally think are unbelievably bizarre (which category merlin and will do not even fall into, like - it’s not an incredible leap.  merlin/mordred is a leap, okay; mordred is like seventeen years old!  leon/morgana is a leap - how on earth did that become so popular??? - but will and merlin?  that’s not a leap.)

what is it about will that makes him so tempting to trample over?  will’s only sin in canon was to look at arthur pendragon and pronounce himself utterly unimpressed.  his only crime was to tell merlin ‘this dude isn’t good for you,’ about which fact he was CORRECT, by the way - he is the first person who ever chooses to care about merlin, the first person merlin ever chooses to trust, the first friend who loves real!merlin without needing to be coaxed and convinced and taught that it’s okay.  he is the only one who ever tells merlin ‘you deserve better than this mess,’ the only one for whom merlin has always been priority number one and in whose eyes arthur isn’t even on the map.  merlin’s friendship with will (and lancelot, afterwards) is the healthiest one merlin ever gets to experience, and i wish more fannish material acknowledged it as such, as opposed to using will to set up merlin and arthur’s epic romance.  

all of this, i suppose, is just a very long way of saying that now that i am no longer avoiding spoilers and have actually started testing the waters of the wider fandom, i have come to the obstinate, utterly inflexible conclusion that will deserves his own collection of happy endings, and i don’t care if i have to write them myself.  i’ve already got the gen angle covered.  and even though i’ve never written ship!fic in my life, the fact of the matter is that spite can be a hell of a motivator, and i will bite the bullet and learn how to do it if i have to.  if people can really be out here tagging their merlin/uther fics as “schmoop” (YES. REALLY.) then by GOD, i swear, there are no excuses - this fandom can accommodate literally anything; there’s no reason it can’t accommodate stories where will wins.  let this kid have his good ending.  arthur pendragon can fall in love with merlin 23,830 times despite his and merlin’s ship flying in the face of canon, and that means will deserves his own tiny handful of stories to be actually about him, without his and merlin’s relationship being used solely as a stepping stone on the way to merlin and arthur’s 23,831st triumph.

i am just saying - if uther pendragon can fall in love with merlin and have it tagged as ‘fluff,’ then for the love of all that is good, we can give will his moment.  let will enjoy the respect he should have earned from us when he died saving both merlin and arthur’s lives.  let will be a person in his own right, instead of a plot device sacrificed to the (in)glorious altar of merthur.  let will have an inner life of his own.  let will have a best friend who doesn’t treat him like an accessory to The Greatest Love Story Ever Told.  let will himself live out The Greatest Love Story Ever Told, for once.  let will get his guy.  i may tend to focus on friendship in my own work, but there are a lot of universes out there, and when it comes to someone who has always been so alone, and so singularly focused on merlin’s wellbeing, i’m not entirely sure if friendship even feels anything different to “in love” for will at all, in at least some of these places.

let will have his happy tags.  he’s been on his own for so much of his life - let him have his simple ‘friendship’, his ‘platonic love,’ his ‘found family.’  let him have his lovestruck ‘pining,’ ‘friends-to-lovers,’ ‘angst with a happy ending,’ too, and let him keep those tags for himself.  let characters who aren’t arthur pendragon have their love stories.

i may not care much for shipping, and i would rather read gen any day of the week, but let me tell you right now, i would rather write will and merlin settling down in a haze of domestic bliss 23,830 times before i would ever want to watch merlin ditch him yet again for a dude who never matched merlin’s level of caring and investment in the canon ‘verse.

[bliphany]

5, 10, 11 (feel free to answer only one or all of them) for the fanfic meme thingy, with your JessiKara fic. :)

[from this ask]

!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANKS ARA

*****Long post alert*****

10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?

Actually, I came up with the pairing before the story. It was February 2017, and @talking2thesky​ made a Person of Interest Femslash Rarepair post for Femslash February. It was the first time I heard about the event, and I thought it was awesome. The post caused me to brainstorm at, if I don’t remember it wrong, 2 or 3 a.m. HAHA. My brain went through those ladies, and suddenly it occurred to me that Jessica/Kara could work in a canon divergent AU. It started like this:

“Kara is pissed because Reese gets distracted by his ex gf - the connection between him and the world they shouldn’t go back to anymore. On her R&R, Kara pays Jessica a visit, trying to gain some information so she can use it to annoy/control Reese, but instead, she finds Jessica’s husband is an asshole and that Jessica is in an abusive relationship. She kills Peter because that’s what she joined the CIA to do; kill bad people so the world will be safer. She should leave after that, but she keeps coming back…”

Then Sky and I talked about it. It was a wild and fab brainstorming, and then I found that once I touched the possibility of Jessica being alive, I wanted it to happen, so I took Femslash February as motivation and finished my first fanfiction. :D

The final product is a lot different from the premise I first came up with, which I’ll save to answer in 11 because those I changed along the way while writing it are those I like best about it.

(But I just find out the original premise can produce a more angst one ahaha, so I’ll put it on my list. :p)

5: What part was hardest to write?

Jessica’s and Kara’s relationship itself is pretty hard to write tbh. Firstly, if she stays alive, Jessica is a victim of domestic violence/ abusive relationship, and we know Kara has that manipulative/abusive side from the show, which is enforced further in fanon, too. The last thing I want to do is to save Jessica from one abusive relationship just to put her into another, so I put a lot of effort into it. For example, my Kara has to care about Jessica a lot, but she probably shouldn’t be overprotective to the extent that it represses Jessica’s free will. The core reason they end up together can’t be “Kara saves Jessica’s life from Peter.” And it should be explainable that why the Kara Stanton who did manipulative things to Reese treats Jessica differently without making her a completely different character from who she was in the show. I gave myself a lot of restrictions XDXD I feel they turn out to be beneficial to the story though!

11: What do you like best about this fic?

It was my first time writing in English, so apparently, the prose isn’t super beautiful, and there are many grammar mistakes. But those I like best are the thoughts I put into the fic and what they grew up and became, which surprised me.  For example, different from the original premise, instead of killing Peter directly, the part Kara played in saving Jessica was to help her to help herself without Kara knowing it. A pro in this approach was that Jessica had more agency and played a more active role in her life. She did act stronger than I initially expected. I had so many scene plans where Jessica played a more passive role, and all of them didn’t live through the second drafts because they just didn’t work. As a result, I think I can say my Jessica is what I like best.

I also like that, although it was only briefly mentioned in the passing, Jessica has friends other than Kara in her life after getting rid of Peter. (Also, if we count the Jessica Lives AU series as a whole fic, she and John reunite and stay good friends. She plays a part in the story line after Ordos and where Dead Reckoning happens, too because she’s Jessica XD) I like that the fic probably can pass the Bechdel test LOL. They talked about things with each other, and their topic wasn’t mostly about men. Which seemed a bit hard to me at first since the primary mission was to save Jessica from Peter, and they both knew John. (Kara wouldn’t reveal it of course, but he’s still Jessica’s ex bf who she certainly thought of now and then, so I had to come up with plot or motivations that at least reasonable to me.) As a fic for femslash, I think it does a not bad job probably.

And finally, the totally unexpected part. I never planed it, but Kara’s and John’s partnership became softer at the end of the first fic, too. (It becomes not that soft when in the second fic after Kara abducted John and wanted to hurt Harold tho! AHASJSDKD but it’s another story.) I was totally in shock when I wrote to that part. I made a note in my diary: “who can expect that Kara’s and John’s relationship resolved earlier than hers and Jess’? Not me.”

Oh my, I have to stop LOLOLOLOL being too emo and talkative because of those girls XDXD. Sorry for the long post ahaha you can see how excited I am :P