#this felt like filling out an old deviantart journal
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Nine People I'd Like to Know Better!
I was tagged by my pal @the-biggest-soup!
Last Song I Listened to: One Weird Tip - Lemon Demon because I couldn't remember the actual last song I listened to and this is the first thing that popped in my head even though I haven't listened to it in a long ass time???
Currently Watching: the void aka my wall
Sweet/Savory/Spicy: I'm a comfort eater and candy is my best friend, but also i LOVE buffy wings and cajun food
Relationship Status: Single and NOT ready to mingle lol. Relationships are overrated - people only want you until you can't give them things and then they turn on you :D
Current Obsession: My life pretty much revolves around animals so there's that. Fandom-wise I still have terminal brainrot for my disaster AU where I mash Nokvroz and Dori together like barbie dolls
this meme was obviously made by someone with Large Following Privilege, pfft as if i know 9 people. Do it if you want: @voidtoblivion @ashyam-xivilai @tharayya @scalecallerpeak
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More thoughts on RE8 and Lady Dimitrescu
This was copied from my DeviantArt journal when I was making it.
Yes...I mentioned her.
So nothing spoilery huge. But I will mention stuff. I played more of Resident Evil 8. And I finally got the ever so popular Lady Alcina Dimitrescu to be chasing me now...
I'm mainly gonna ramble. And before I played the game, I decided to check out the concept art which is, "The Tragedy Of Ethan Winters" and it was nice to look out. I also found out there's no item boxes...and that it's true they were trying to make it more like Resident Evil 4...wow...that's something.
Castle Dimitrescu is a nice area with it's layout. I could like it more than the Baker Residence. But for these levels, I'm kind of going in blind. Despite I know the story. Yet there's another thing I wanted to say. Because I can't upgrade the Samurai Edge, I decided to buy back old pistol and use it. Including use that custom thing on it for more fire power. The Samurai Edge was cool to use. But I think I want to upgrade my pistol in case.
But this isn't the main focus...I think it's time I talk about the 9'6 vampire milf lady that the internet went crazy for. And is likely still crazy for. Considering she's part of gameplay now. Meaning she's acting like Mr. X and Nemesis, trying to find me.
Let be honest, considering I have talked with friends about her or so. I like Lady Dimitrescu. While I'm not as on board as others are. I will admit, she's pretty. Yet whatever criticisms I have of RE8. It's the Lords that honestly interest me. I thought the Baker family were pretty cool as villains. But what I've heard about the Lords is that I honestly have a liking to mythological creatures or so on.
I mean, I loved the Lycans, I worry of not seeing them for awhile. But I know I'll see them again. I really loved that first part with them. But Dimitrescu, I must say, I just wanted a unique villain since the likes of Wesker, Nemesis, and whoever else. She seems like a scene stealer in a way. What I mean is, there's more intrigue...but I want to be honest. I want to get to the thing I wanted to talk about. Because I was doing a little bit of commentary as I was playing this game.
I do like the memes of Dimitrescu. I think there silly, and again, she's honestly pretty. She catches my attention. But considering how much fame she's gotten....
HOLY SHIT. She actually scares me.
Even before this game, I felt weird that people don't seem to take into consideration this woman is sadistic. And that fact there are dungeons below the castle that strangely creep me out because of all those torture devices. That were part of trying to turn maidens into people like her daughters. Seriously, it is disturbing to see that torture stuff and it makes me think.
But even after my funny little commentary after she drops me down through the floor. That the internet loves her. Holy crap, she again, scares me strangely.
Because of the fact that whole little scene of Ethan getting his hand cut off(I thought that was gonna be at the end of the level with her or something) and you can't just heal it. And I nearly died in that part, but luckily I escaped. I was just trying not to get close to her.
But then...it's where The Duke is at and...this is where the real fun begins. What I genuinely found funny. But why I found her scary. While she's no Mr. X or Nemesis. But oh my God...
I think her daughters scare me the most. Because they just pop out of nowhere and while I hear music! I hate that they pop up! Or just this one daughter. Flies just pop up and she says something and I RUN! I know I can't kill her. And I knew it likely wouldn't work. But I threw my only pipe bomb near her and it didn't kill her. Yet it destroyed a bunch of vases.
Okay, the first three times, I'm trying to remember. I literally kind of yelled/screamed in a way when those flies popped up. Yet even Dimitrescu popping up, and this is the one part I need to talk about. It was the third time I got spooked.
I was gonna enter the dining room, I was running towards the door, in case that daughter shows up. And on the other when I open it, there's Lady Dimitrescu and I quickly backed out. I did a little scream, but then I think I check out my inventory and I just laughed...it was so silly. Like oh my God...this happened.
Seriously, at times I kept going back to The Duke's room for safety. I did put the first angel face on. And before that, I even ran across the courtyard with Alcina trying to get me. I have shot at her before that, and I knew it wouldn't work like I've seen some footage...
I kind of got stuck on the stairs and onto one the left balcony. But I healed myself and escaped. All because a daughter and Alcina sandwiched me on those stairs. I thought a shotgun would slow her down...but it didn't...she didn't do the hat animation...
I just wanted to talk about this. Because it was strangely hilarious. I felt like not leaving The Duke's room. It's just so funny despite all those memes and jokes, she and her daughters make me feel tense. This is because I haven't completed the game before, I have no deluxe weapons, and Dimitrescu can't be shot multiple times where she can drop a case filled with stuff...which I'm mentioning Nemesis. You could even stop Mr. X for awhile. But as of right now, I'm just a little man compared to her.
And I've read the next Lord, Donna(Who I've been slowly becoming more of a fan considering what I've been told about her). Her part has been said it's almost Silent Hill like...and that her part is scary...and here I am being tense about a giant vampire lady and her daughters...
I wanted to ramble about that. Anyway, the save room theme is beautiful in this game. Been listening to it while making this.
youtube
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Still Alive...
BEFORE YOU READ!
The following does get really personal, so please read (if you so choose) with an open heart and genuine sense of compassion and sensitivity. It's also many things I've wanted to get off my chest for ages. The following will also explain my mood in the past two journals I made. It does end on a lighter note, I promise.
It's been ages since I've posted anything online, let alone anything here... Remember months ago, when I had posted a journal about the slump I was feeling and then posted an artwork of me… slump drawing? There’s more beyond me simply losing motivation to make more art. And a few of you might have noticed I posted a rather… shocking status update in which I threatened suicide. Following that post, a lot of the unpleasant feelings and thoughts that I believed were gone came back to haunt me. Additionally, many things in my past came back to haunt me, prompting me to go soul searching and try to better myself.
For those not in-the-know, I have been suffering from clinical and manic depression for about the past 6 years. Speaking in real-life timeline, back in the 6 years, I remember that it started with my severe trouble making friends, communicating with others socially, and trying to fit in with others. My depression wasn’t just caused by my low turnout in the friends department, but also because I'd never truly felt loved by anyone… not even myself. As I grew up, I had no friends all throughout middle school and no friends all throughout high school, and then came to terms with the fact that I have no friends at ALL! Things like having no friends really did have an effect on me… I gave friendship and putting myself out there an earnest try, but after the many times I got hurt and betrayed, that was the end of it for me. People like myself who are alone usually spend their time practicing something they like, in my case being my art, writing, and studying. From other sources and from my own experience, it helps to be noticed for your talents and interest. This pretty much tied into, if you’d notice, why I was actively moping around DA Forums grousing on why my work doesn’t get as much attention as I’d hoped or why those that are recognized do get it. Sometimes, I feel annoyed that noone cares about my work, not even my relatives. My original work. Like, on DeviantArt, I recall fan-art and fan-artists get tons of favorites on their work. While the highest I've ever gotten was 11. I've put hours, days, and sometimes weeks into these and noone cares. And it's mostly criticism that doesn't even make sense. I just want to tell them how hard it is to make the art, but showing people who aren't interested in the hobby will just make them annoyed about it. Everyone is expecting a @$%^ing anime master from every artist and I just don't get it. Some of the time people will make annoying re-colors to get the respect and attention they want, but they do get both of those things in the end. Mostly, how it goes is: A person will make a rather undeveloped character. Then, they will take someone else's artwork and color in their character. Then they will claim it as their own. Then, they will get hate and attention. The person will 'cry' over it and say that they are going to leave that site. People will feel bad for that person, make the person fan art, subscribe to or watch them or whatever, and the person will be filthy-famous and have tons of friends in the end, even though they didn't do jack @$%^! Or they just stoop so low just to get-rich-quick. Argh! I just don't get it any more! I try to hard making quality animation, art, videos, but no one cares what so ever!
I’ve had nobody. Nobody cared about me. Going this long without someone besides therapists to confide in, or someone to comfort you or share their likes and dislikes with could really mess you up...
An ordinary day for me back in high school that I rarely overlook, was my recurring plight when it came to being around others. For the majority of my life, I had been nothing but an outcast to people my own age, I never fit in with them since they never truly accepted me as their friend. From what I can remember, each year, I was either on my own or hung out with a group of kids as they talked amongst themselves while I just remained silent. And each year, I make the mistake of even having the tiniest bit of optimism that things just might be different. Having been alone and neglected for a long time, I spent every day seeing what it felt like to be going through what I think are quite possibly the worst years of my adolescent life, with my best and only friend gone (he moved), while I was stuck amongst people whom I felt care very little about me. Now, I’m by myself and with some content. Everyday I would go through the same routine—morning academic classes, lunch break, after classes, dismissal—counting the hours as they go by. For kids that suffered from anxiety or depression, like me, they were sent to the Social Work team where they can vent out their problems and try to uncover any solution or coping mechanism to get by the school year. For me, it might've been a different story because ever since my depression started, I received little check-ins from anyone, not even my own parents, relatives, or any old friends I once had (ones that I talked to in elementary or middle school that won’t talk to me anymore). Most of the time in school, I refused to show any emotion, trying to keep them all bottled up as I go through eight hours by hours while the other students talk amongst themselves and don't pay attention to me.
In life, I find what it is like to be in complete isolation, triggering memories of how I had endured loneliness in my childhood and used to be the timid, awkward, and sullen oddball, knowing that there is noone around to brighten my day, only the sound of other kids talking amongst themselves and having fun much to my envy is all I can hear. On one night as I walked home, I realized that I am really alone, having no idea where my life is going at that rate, or if there is someone out there who really cares about me because not a lot of people have spoken to me for a while ever since I became a high school student years back and regret not getting in much contact with them to see how things were. Plus, my closest relatives, such as my parents and brother are not really much help in my condition. As much as I try to talk to them, I don't get the feeling that they truly understand. The way they respond whenever I attempt to console to them is very dismissive and inconsiderate, further supporting my belief that not even they care about me. In the time I'd wrote this, I swore off telling them any ounce of my problems, as if they would actually care...
Even worse was enduring bullying and abuse from other students that triggered bad memories of what caused me not to be so trusting of others. And, I could not fight back against them all that much, doing nothing other than reacting, glaring, snarking, or giving the occasional finger, which wouldn't last long as I am often overpowered by their popularity, dominance, and miraculous ways of getting reactions out of me. Unless I were lucky to find some kind of way of hitting them. There were some days which ended with me getting sent to the principal’s office in order to acknowledge my mental illness with the staff, not to mention what feelings of trauma I get whenever I’m bullied or harassed by some dastardly kid. Sometimes after the bullying, I would have meltdowns or end up running back to my haven so nobody can see my silent (nonexistent) tears of regret and sorrow, even ignoring whatever pains those bullies left on my heart and body. Sometimes the pain is so intense that I can no longer bottle up my emotions, yet now I refuse to show it in front of others and would rather do it alone in my haven so I can be on to do so freely. The only words I can whisper to myself is “I hate myself…” This is also the case for cyberbullies and predators I've fallen victim of in the past—people have anonymously been mean and hurtful to me, and what's worse is that I REALLY cannot do anything about it besides reporting, especially for pedophiles who have managed to lead me on in the past and take advantage of my open wounds just to get an easy nail... Speaking of bullying, I think it's safe to assume that I'd also sufferred the same at the hands of my own father! In the past, and during my childhood, he would abuse me by striking me every time I screwed something up, even if it was a minor or honest mistake. Being both verbally and physically abusive, I can't exactly say I felt truly safe when around him in hindsight, worrying that one slip-up in front of him could result in another clean bruise on my body. Recently, I recall my father once barging into my room at night while I was asleep and interrogating me about some sort of misunderstanding with his credit card and certain online marketing website. Instead of actually filling me in on what happened or what was going on, he would yell me these questions with no fathomable context whatsoever. Even worse was that initially I was suffering from sleep inertia, so I definitely couldn't quite catch on quickly. Eventually, things led to things, and a heated argument erupted between us, prompting us to get into a shouting match and for me to release all my pent up anger on him, even getting physical and delivering a few blows to him thus further angering him. The incident left me with mixed emotions of confusion, sadness, trauma, and all topped with insomnia since I could not go to sleep for the rest of the night. The things he said to me during all this made assured me that he definitely didn't care about me, and that I was expendable just like all his other abandoned love-children... The feelings, it burns. It is when nobody says happy birthday. It is when family members say they love me yet don't show it. They don't know how to love me, and that is the same as not loving me. It is being alone at lunch. It is being alone and lonely all the time. It is spending hours online finding out how others managed to cope with the stinging feeling I get before I go to bed when my head starts spinning with all the evil truths that nobody cares about me. Sure, some may say they do, but who wants to listen to me talk about my passions? Who wants to help me out? Nobody... Nobody even wants to take time out of their day to spend it with me. It's reading books on how to make friends. It's moping for hours wondering why nobody even likes me, much less loves me. It's changing appearances and attitudes only to be rejected and alone and remain unloved. It's questioning who I am entirely, it's masking who I am and changing who I am and feeling like I'm crazy. It's wishing I could be okay with the fact that nobody loves me but it still feels like a hot hand gripping my throat and a heavy weight on my chest. It's replaying every comment in my head over and over. It's terrible, I can't talk with anyone about it because nobody cares. It hurts, God it hurts!
There was one thing during my time in high school that I could confide in, besides art and drawing…
Back in mid-2015, I remember working hard on a series called “Tails for Hire”; one that parodied the already-parody, Sonic for Hire. With the help of an online ally from Kentucky, I was able to finish it and upload it to YouTube that summer. At the time, my YouTube channel was nothing but cobwebs of old, rather second-rate videos. That was until the first episode of Tails for Hire was released. To my surprise, it garnered over 5,000 views the first week it was uploaded, and I was blown away by the good responses and relatively fair criticism. For the first time, I felt… significant! In retrospect, I realize that what lifted my spirits seeing the comments on my TFH videos was the fact that I had some company. Afterwards, my partner for the video, Tales499 and I talked fairly often, I made another (now former) friend on Skype from Norway, I had so many notifications of comments on the videos. I didn’t feel so alone during all this. I guess I wanted people to talk to and share my feelings with in order to quell my loneliness and compensate for my lack of friendships. I’ll admit, the internet was harsh at times with me, but I learn over the years (and now), that it’s a way of helping you grow thicker skin. This all might explain why I felt the yearning desire for popularity on different social media platforms. Though, I have to admit it does sound rather pathetic for me to console to people behind screens instead of face-to-face.
As some of you who know me from my YouTube channel, you’ll know that Tails for Hire is currently on an undeterminably long hiatus, as of June 2016. Currently, no return date was thought of, but don’t fret, one day… ONE DAY, Tails for Hire will return… At this point the hiatus is more of a hibernation.
Months later, after I finally graduated high school, leaving behind the four years of emotional torture I had endured, I was ready to head to university! Or at least, I thought…
I won’t get too deep into the details of what happened there, but I will say this—everything that I struggled with in my early-to-mid adolescence came to haunt me in university as if I was cursed. No matter how hard I tried to suck it up, I didn’t make any real friends or meaningful relationships in university. When I noticed all the other students at the school, I felt generally inadequate—it reminded me of all things that others are better at and how I'm don't have anything to offer anyone. At the end of December 2018, some of you might recall me making a status update on DeviantArt of me contemplating suicide, and that if I don’t post anything the next year, I might have actually gone with it… Few of you showed your concern… But, while I did appreciate it, I felt that people will only care when it’s too late… I’m sorry if I scared or confused some of you. If I EVER feel suicidal again, I’ll see it that seek immediate help.
Short story—public Safety, many counsellors, my roommates, and one of the deans had come to me saying how worried they were about my well-being after hearing reports of me acting strange and making suicidal remarks. This also ties into the fact that the way I've been feeling has caused me to occasionally miss some of my classes, not be able to focus well, and worst of all... develop some suicidal thoughts... I even explicitly fantasized of jumping off a roof or a window to kill myself! I'm sorry if all this info came up out of nowhere. Eventually, the Dean highly recommended that I be put on medical leave until it is decided that I'm fit to come back to campus. I wasn't too fond of the idea given that I worked so hard in coming to this school and at least tough my way through the first semester. But apparently, it's for the best... When others ask why I would even think to kill myself, the only overarching reason I can give is "I'm worthless!" When people notice that I've been OK for few days or acting normal, it's just that I've been manic. When I look at others, I always think of the things I can't do! I'm an artist who can even get noticed, I'm a guy who has never had many friendships that lasted long, I'm a wimp who can't work up the courage to confront others, I'm a university student on medical leave! All of these things and then some are what trigger thoughts of how my life is a joke! But somehow, during those times when I contemplated suicide, I actually felt free! Almost giddy, and that I could finally kiss this worthless life good-bye!
At the moment, I’m going through professional help and trying to keep myself busy during my downtime. Part of me says there’s no hope me, but part me says one day, I’ll be back to my old, wholesomely manic self again. Step by step… it just might happen.
Lately, I’ve tried to get back into the passions I once enjoyed, get the ideas I’ve had out there as if someone would want to see them. But, I still struggle in finding the motivation thinking of the very disheartening outcomes—low viewership, negative or no feedback, or just not feeling happy with the finished product. I sometimes look at my art and wonder if I can do better or it's good enough. I'm turned between both sides on that case, mainly because I don't have anyone else to share with me their well-thought-out opinions, instead of one-word comments or notifications where someone simply favorites something. Mostly due to my depression, almost everything I do in life seems meaningless. Because that's how depression works! No matter how good I (supposedly) am, I don't remember the good things about myself, I just over exaggerate the terrible stuff about me and it becomes who I am in my mind. No matter what I do, I'm not good enough for myself... But no, my fear of death and it being a one-way ticket are what stop me... I try to figure out what I have to live for and what ideas I have to share. It's really hard, given how I compare myself to others and how much success they've achieved besides me, and the negative thoughts are what cloud my mind no matter how hard I try to clear them. Then there's the days where I feel unimportant or under appreciated, as if I make no difference by staying alive. Some days I feel like I'm on top of the world and that noone can stop me, and other and most days I feel nothing but pain. During those good days, I find myself surrounded by people who seem to care and be interested in me, but soon after the feeling wears off, and I just don't know why! In the time, I've written this, I've been feeling really low, as if noone would even care or bother to read this or be concerned with how I'm feeling. But as I finish and sign off... I kinda feel like a huge weight was lifted off of me. It felt good for me to let it all out, even if it is just typing it out. (Sigh)... If you've made it this far in reading the journal, thank you for reading and hopefully understanding. Once again, I'm sorry if this seemed overly dramatic, self-indulgent or just really heavy. But like I said, this was for me to get some of that heavy weight off me. Throughout half of this year, everything that has happened was really just too much to explain, too much to handle, too traumatically stressing, and generally just heavy... which is why I needed time off... Again, thank you for reading...
#depression#bullying#neglect#deviantart#ibatronic#art#hate#sad#loveislove#life#high school#suicide#recover
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I haven’t been home all day so I didn’t see Self Insert Positivity Day was a thing until now SORRY FOR NOT RESPONDING TO MENTIONS @ ME AND FOR NOT TALKING ABOUT IT TIL NOW!
(This gets into some sad/heavy territory so tw for harassment, depression, ect. ALSO IT’S REALLY LONG SO SORRY FOR GOING OFF AGAIN.)
I got into self shipping well before I knew any term or really realized any significance to it. I don’t know exactly when, but I knew I was pretty young, and everything was just spurred on by me getting a crush on some fictional character(s) and just having fun with that. Even if it wasn’t a “”crush”” per se, I still had a tendency to get really attached to certain characters in series I watched.
I used to have just one single self insert character that I’d use for every series with a character I liked, and would draw short comics and pictures just for fun in old notebooks and printer paper. I never really got around to making content for other people to see until I made friends with people who had a hobby and talent at drawing.
Unfortunately, I had been pretty sheltered up until this point, and got a first hand experience of the toxicness of “cringe culture” when I made a deviantart and tried posting stuff about my mutli-series self insert. I got horribly harassed, to the point that people I knew were getting into making a joke out of it. There still exists somewhere a “”””cringe mary-sue””” video reading a journal from that dA account, and it still haunts me that people would go that far to tear away at someone’s happiness. I wish it had stopped there, but even worse my account got hacked into and filled with gore and porn. I was 11 years old. I was scarred and heartbroken, deleting the account and refusing to make self indulgent content for years, scared that I was going to get harassed again.
I never really stopped getting attached to characters or loving them, I just stopped showing any evidence of it. Even now I still have a habit of keeping most of my self ship content to myself due to paranoia, and I hate that! But even so, self shipping has been one way I’ve been able to deal with a lot of stress in my life, especially with depression that I used to deal with on a very serious level. This might sound stupid but one of the things that has resonated strongest in terms of selfshipping was my dreams. Dreaming about characters I was attached to cheering me on, being kind to me and even loving me. It’s made me feel more loved and less alone than I could have felt otherwise, and I can’t imagine my life without this influence.
Since finding out about this community, I’ve felt so much happier knowing I’m not alone in having these feelings. That I shouldn’t have been treated the way I was when I was younger. That I should celebrate feeling love, even unrealistically, rather than shutting it away. That letting myself be happy (so long as it doesn’t harm anyone) shouldn’t be someone else’s problem! THAT CRINGE CULTURE IS FUCKING STUPID!
I want to become more accepting of myself. I want to let myself talk about the things I love without feeling guilty or wrong. Even if my work isn’t perfect, I want to be able to share it without regrets or fear. I want to make more friends in the community, even if I’m still not the best at talking to people. I’ve gotten messages and sent messages to some incredibly nice and giving people and I want to experience more of that! I want to thank the community for existing and giving me something to let myself be happy, and to let myself feel loved without guilt.
I want to thank you, to whoever reads this. Whoever has sent me nice messages, or nice tags, or reblogged my art and other posts on this blog. Anyone part of this community who’s accepted others with open arms!!!! Thank you so much!!! 💜💖💘 💖 💜 💖💘 💖 💜 💖💘 💖 💜 💖💘 💖 💜
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How'd you get the idea for Skye? She seems like good character design! Another question about characters, how did you make them so well?
this might actually get a bit long, so anyone who’s interested can look under the cut!
the original idea for skye was actually very different from her modern incarnation, and it actually started a trope in the pokepasta community.
the idea for skye started in 2011, when i had a real life hacked shaymin of the same name. i’d wanted her to be a sky form shaymin, but didn’t realize that i couldn’t receive the gracidea flower with a hacked shaymin. i eventually released that hacked shaymin, and regretted it instantly. to vent, i had the idea that skye would kill a sky forme shaymin and attach the body parts to herself.
to my knowledge, this was the very first instance of this particular trope of, “SEE? I’M WHAT YOU WANTED NOW, DO YOU LOVE ME NOW?!”
i eventually became very embarrassed of that original version, and deleted it entirely when i rewrote version two of her story. i deeply regret this only because now i cannot prove that i wrote the original story.
when creating forever mine’s second version in 2012, i decided to take a completely different approach, opting for the “haunted game” trope instead of the monstrous “I’M WHAT YOU WANTED” trope that i had created. i liked the concept, but in retrospect it had some cliches and contrivances that didn’t make the story feel authentic.
skye’s 2012 backstory is one i don’t think i have the right to tell. she was originally born with a vague, unspecified deformity that made her “ugly” and bullied, and i felt like i had given her this backstory as a “reason” for her to kill herself, which i think is in very poor taste now. there was no mention of this backstory in the pasta itself, it was just mentioned in a now-deleted journal on deviantART.
i had no right to make that kind of story for the sake of entertainment, so i ret-conned it in the 2018 remake in favor of a more vague reason for her suicide.
i like forever mine a lot more now, with its 2018 rewrite. there’s a lot of symbolism that shows a lot about skye without having to tell it. i won’t go into too much detail because i want people to realize those things about skye and the story on their own.
as for the other characters on this blog, i can’t take credit for making them!
that right goes to my lovely partner star-byte, who wrote all the original stories, with the exception of skye, who was written by myself.
of course, i am very passionate about these characters so i took the initiative to flesh out their old stories and fill in plotholes that the old stories left.
one of the biggest challenges was Explorers of Death.
the story had written squirtle as the antagonist, and according to star, she was the cause for the events of the story.
i had to figure out the rules of the world, and find out WHY things were happening. like how squirtle started to disappear, why shadow was black and white, why myra and squirtle had chains.
things that were initially just accepted as part of the story were suddenly very important things that needed to be explained.
i think i’ve done a good job figuring it all out, and i can’t wait to show off the EoD asks once i get the opportunity to post them!
a fun one to work with was obviously Pokemon Dead Channel.
BRVR is a character i’ve been fond of for years, because i’m a sucker for meta stories and his character is genuinely compelling to me. i love thinking about the intricacies behind his emotions and motivations.
it’s fun thinking about the world of Dead Channel and BRVR’s influence over it, understanding the logic behind it and such.
a fun fact is that BRVR’s canon design wasn’t from my own inspiration or even star’s. it was inspired by a fanart by an artist i admired back then. i started drawing BRVR with the same leaky black cheeks, and star loved it, so it stuck.
holy cow that was a lot longer than i expected it to be.... thank you for sticking around and being interested in my pokepasta ramblings!!!!
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Jaw Horns, my idea for an mascot
//owo Cut to the chase here: Jaw Horns is an idea for an mascot for my blog, and in my future, stemming from an an old Art period high school project back in the day, which is basically put 2 or more objects in some order and draw that object, since I vaguely remember the project.
But still, I took an actual bull skull, with 2 halves of its lower jaw, put them in the eye sockets, looking like horns somewhat, put several objects around it, and took a photo to draw it on paper with pencil and ink, I think.
From that, that bull skull stayed burned into an place in my brain to current times and I think it should evolve into an mascot of mine. Though, right now, there is no visual for Jaw Horns. :P I know. It sucks.
So, basically, Jaw Horns is an 5′9″ tall eldritch humanoid being, with an four spinal neck cord supported bull skull head, with an complete lower jaw, and has just empty eye sockets. But, this being has 2 lower jaw bones melted together to make curving forward ‘horn’ with teeth, on each side of the color split head of Jawbones. One side of his head is orange and the other is black, split by the middle, while the robe he wears has an black front and an orange back, split horizontally by the middle, and his manteau, or evening cloak over that robe is completely black. On his forehead is an paint-filled-in carving of an white cross and an black upside down cross, with an diagonal hazel eye in the middle. Lastly, he wears orange sabatons, with black details & lining, which are an knight’s armored foot coverings, and his hands are just skin attached to bone, which the right has completely black skin and the left has completely orange skin.
Lastly, I imagine his voice being the same as Vincent Price’s voice, despite having no lips.
So, that’s that for Jaw Horns, my future mascot for basically everything I made and might make. Hope you like this idea and Jaw Horns himself. :3
Deviantart journal version: http://hades-hando.deviantart.com/journal/Jaw-Horns-my-idea-for-an-mascot-667950778
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Jaw Horns, who is my mascot, would be my JoJo Stand, if I could get one=:
1=Jaw Horns can break down/take apart/deconstruct target partially or completely into its parts. It can cause more damage, cause abnormal injuries, break down chemical changes and complex structures to their raw components, which does not goes to its fire from its combustion to fire manipulation ability. When I am in an foul mood, this ability would deconstruct things into an jumbled, melted or glued mess of parts of things. But, this ability can’t deconstruct me, can’t outright kill living beings with deconstruction, may only be able to break down an object so far, the complexity of the object may be too advanced or complicated to break, and an object may be too tough to dismantle. Just like the opposite of Josuke’s Stand, Crazy Diamond.
2=Combustion Inducement, but heads to limited Fire Generation/Manipulation, not light, in only sharp and right angles.
Also, I should be careful around flammable objects, I can’t resist fire or thermal heat, lack of oxygen may prevent this ability to activate, not immune to the side effects, or byproducts, of fire, like smoke, weak against explosive negation, affected by my emotions, like anger or rage, which would make the fire stronger, but more dangerous around the area I am in, can be overpowered by ice, water, and/or cold, and I need oxygen, heat, and fuel for my fire generation, which would lead to fire manipulation.
2.5=Ash manipulation, branching from the combustion to fire manipulation, but only in sharp angles, with 3 twists to only the ashes, while I am stumbling, losing consciousness, or when I feel tired, replacing the fire at those states.
The ashes becomes stronger, faster, more durable, etc. when they are in an urban environment, even draws dust, rusted metals, including flakes, and mold from the urban environment, and burns those things until they turn into ashes.
Jaw Horns' manipulated ashes can manifest objects/ash-made 'ghosts' a target has left behind, given up, killed, experienced their passing, died with negative emotion at the time of death, or feels guilt toward, AND the guilt and other negative emotions in the room I am in, which can go all the way back to 1,100 years ago, manifested by Jaw Horns' ashes, which are invisible to me and others and only felt through the senses of my opponent, like an hallucination where the manifestations would harm my opponent, but not kill him/her.
These ash-made objects/'ghosts' would gradually split apart in flakes and get into the skin of the person, making their skin as white as an ghost, and more emotional/mental strain on his/her brain, if they don't fight it off or try to truly move on from this guilt.
Once the target makes contact with the ash-made object/'ghost', they instantly remember how and why they sacrificed it or feel guilt about it.
The ash would not survive being outside of an urban environment for long, this power is linked to the age and size of the room of the urban building I am in, and this activates only when I get tired, stumbles during fighting, or when I am losing conscious.
=-When ash absorbs water, it hardens, and Ultimate Burning burns even ashes into nothingness.
3-Super Strength} This Stand is able to punch. kick, slash, and pierce, through solid steel.
4-Godhand} This stand is able to punch, kick, slash, and pierce several times in rapid succession, often able to dish out thirty punches/kicks/slashes/piercing hands per second.
4.1-Jaw Horns need 3 meals worth of food and liquids, from me eating food and liquids, like water or flavored juice, to really stay active and be my side while in combat.
4.2-When I am unconscious, Jaw Horns becomes automatic to protect me from harm, while linked to my subconscious, while I am unconscious, and its range goes to 20 meters max.
:Jaw Horns Stand Grading/Parameters:
Destructive Power:] A
Speed:] A
Range:] D, to only 3 meters max (A, at 20 meters max when I become unconscious and my Stand goes into automatic 'protect my out cold self' mode until I wake up)
Durability/Staying:] C to B, when I am full and I have ate 3 meals worth of food and liquid.
Precision:] B
Development Potential/Learning:] A
Jaw Horns' battle roar, in its Vincent Price voice: Jauawrawrawrawrawrawrawrawrawrawrawrawrawrawrawrawrawrawrawrawrawrawrawrawrawrawrawrawra-JAUAWRA!!
~The Bat~
#mascot#new mascot#Jaw Horns#blue-scorpion-king#ooc#ooc post#new character#JoJo's Bizarre Adventure#Stand#JJBA#fan stand
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A journal I posted on DeviantArt
Wow, I was so random and cheerful. I really wish I could be such a carefree and buoyant spirit again like before. Now I’m just... dead inside. I can’t even be random anymore, it’s like I lost the ability. I was always making jokes, even if they were cringeworthy? But that’s what made them funny! And now I’m saying, I should follow in the footsteps of my old self and write a short story filled with incoherent randomness and nonsense akin to my old deviations. It will be on the next journal. I mean, look at them! They’re awful, but they made me smile so much reading them again. And then I promptly cried because they represent something inside me that’s been lost for years. ———
https://www.deviantart.com/rainbowicepop/art/Giant-Floating-Baby-Heads-300075798
https://www.deviantart.com/rainbowicepop/art/I-was-bored-part-1-of-the-stupidity-xD-295938818
https://www.deviantart.com/rainbowicepop/art/I-gots-nothing-else-to-do-part-2-o-the-stupidity-296207860
https://www.deviantart.com/rainbowicepop/art/way-too-bored-crappy-story-294170675 https://www.deviantart.com/rainbowicepop/art/Another-random-as-crap-story-294174821
https://www.deviantart.com/rainbowicepop/art/Dumbest-story-ever-xD-294354866
———
Also, if you want to know a tidbit about Whimsica Saga, it actually started out kind of like those stories. Only more emotional, because I was venting all my loneliness and anxiety that I had in late 2012. I still felt bad then, but not to the extent I do now. After all, I still had a genuinely fun imagination. It grew and grew until it became what it is now. So I think this is telling me to just write nonsense. Just write nonsense, make it the worst story ever, but then you’ll eventually find a stroke of genius, perhaps. I’m going to try.
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