#this feels.... so disappointing/unnecessary now that im done with it but i DID spend an hour on it and seeing the way ghirahim threatens

[moon3thereal]

Summertime sadness

NOT MY GIF!!

Pairings: Platonic Lady lesso x OC! never student

Genre: hurt/comfort

Warnings: mentions of anxiety, break down

A/n: honestly this was a very self indulging fic and the title is just my new hyperfixation! This is not proofread and written on my phone so I'm sorry for any typos and the mediocrity of it

you are not allowed to copy, translate or repost my work onto any other platform without explicit permission from me.

1200 words

"Ms. LeFay, see me after class." Isolde's heart sank as she heard the edge in Lady Lesso's voice, she gave a curt nod in return and spent the rest of the class in a world of her own while the dean delivered her lecture on eternal curses.

Isolde only snapped out of her daze when the deafening bell rang signaling the end of class, she slowly rose up from her seat hoping to blend in to the multitude of students streaming out of the class to no avail.

She hadnt even been able to take a step before a firm hand curled around her bicep. Isolde let out a huff of frustration and allowed herself to be stopped since there was no escaping the dean of evil, as a matter of fact she wasn't even sure why she tried, she'd just listen to the lecture Lady Lesso surely had in store for her about her poor performance and try her best not to break down right in front of her dean.

When all the students were gone, the classroom descended into a heavy silence between Lady Lesso and Isolde. she couldn't even bring her eyes up to meet the striking green of her teacher's gaze. When the silence got too loud, it was evident Lady Lesso was waiting for her student to speak up, so speak up Isolde did.

At that moment, it felt like everything she felt that was kept inside of her rushed out without hesitance. "yes I know I'm a huge disappointment, did you want an apology from me Lady Lesso? Well here it is, I'm sorry I can't always be the high achiever I'm portrayed as, I'm sorry I can't always live up to your expectations, I'm sorry I'm such a failure, I'm sorry you wasted your time on me for nothing. Is that what you wanted to hear? Well here it is. I really hope you're happy now."

Isolde inhaled deeply after her outburst and promptly turned on her heel to leave, Lady Lesso hadn't interrupted her once during her shouting but now her cane shot out to bar the door." I don't seem to recall dismissing you, Ms LeFay. Now if you're done with your tantrum, I would like to speak." she said calmly

"You know I always receive first place ranks, it's standard at this point.I lost to Hester and that's unacceptable" Isolde gritted out "You deserved it, you weren't giving me your best, your curse was perfunctory and you completely deserved the grade I gave you. Now before you shout and rage and attempt to run away yet again, I want you to listen to me very carefully." Lady Lesso paused to gaze at her student sternly, receiving a tentative nod of her head before continuing

"What exactly have you been doing to yourself these past few days? No, hold on, I'd like to guess. You've been spending your nights in the library and your days buried by your own anxiety and putting unnecessary pressure on yourself to be flawless constantly and not allowing yourself any leeway, does that sound quite right?" Lady Lesso asked with a perfect eyebrow raised.

It wasn't what Isolde had expected from her mentor, not at all, and it caught her off guard,"Im sorry, I- what-?" she stuttered, confusion lining her features "Despite what you may feel about me Ms LeFay, being your mentor for four years has made me fond of you, and I know that your behaviour today was completely abnormal."

Lady Lesso leaned against her desk and assessed the look of panic on Isolde's face, she softened and added in a softer tone, "and about what you said just now, you will never apologise to me for being a disappointment again. I have never been disappointed in you, in fact I will even go as far as to say you have always, and will always make me proud. And if I'm right, this has all come to be because you didn't manage to complete Professor Sheek's test in time and you haven't attended her class ever since then. There's one thing you sorely need to be told Isolde, you cannot continue basing your entire self-worth on what people think of you and numbers on a paper,that's no way to live, you are so much more than that my dear."

At this point there were tears welling in Isolde's eyes and she struggled to regulate her breathing and this time when she felt Lady Lesso's hand guide her without her usual vice-like grip to sit, she obediently slumped on a chair." you're really not disappointed in me?" she asked in a small voice while staring at her own feet suddenly feeling deeply embarrassed of her outburst.

"No my dear of course I'm not, however I would like you to take better care of yourself and to stop being so harsh on yourself to the point of getting into this state. I've never seen you like this and I will help you in any way if it means I won't ever see you like this again." Lady Lesso said gently. Isolde let out a relieved sigh and allowed her tears to slide down her cheeks as she leaned into her teacher's embrace. They stayed like that for a few minutes, Lady Lesso calmed her down subtly by rubbing her back softly and whispered assurances.

After a while, Isolde had calmed down sufficiently and her sobs has quieted to sniffles. "You'll take the day off and actually enjoy the privilege of your position as head of student body and take a bath, read, paint, enjoy your single room, you do know that everyone else has to share and they'd give up anything to have the room that you do don't you?" some of the sarcasm had returned to the dean's voice.

Isolde immediately frowned and protested, "but I have curses and death traps with you again and another class in the evening, I couldn't possibly-" Lady Lesso cut off her students stream of protests and spoke authoritatively "you can and you will, I am your dean and I demand that you not return to classes until tomorrow, I can have someone lock you in your dorm if you'd like Ms LeFay" she said in a stern tone.

"I- alright, I'll take the day off but if I fail anything tomorrow, I'm going to put the blame on you." Isolde said attempting to sound sour. The only response Lady Lesso gave was a incredulous laugh, she knew that her best student couldn't possibly fail a class if she missed an entire year, not to mention a day, but she didn't dole out praises often and she wouldn't start now.

"come, I'll walk you to your dorm" she said and opened the doors of her classroom expectantly to see several students eavesdropping on your conversation "if anyone has anything to say about this, I'm sure we can set up a time for a fun chat in the doom room." she sent them her signature glare that made students flee at the sight of it and it worked magnificently just as it did every time.

[tortilla-of-courage]

Ghirahim’s dialogue in the Gate of Time Scene

This has been bugging me for DAYS, all because in the Latinamerican Spanish version it felt like Ghirahim talked for SO long before leaving compared to the English translation... So, obviously, comparing those translations (+ Spain’s) of this scene at 3 am is the way to go. (SkSw Spoilers under cut)

Okay, so in the scene of the Gate of Time - the one after Lanayru’s Mining Facility - at the very end, Ghirahim gives you a little monologuind before leaving, right? In English, it’s these 5 dialogue boxes:

1: Now you've done it, Link.

2: I blame myself. I should have reprimanded you the last time we met, but instead I was... soft.

3: I'd take pleasure in punishing you, but I have no time for recreation.

4: But next time, I'll do more than just beat you senseless.

5: I'll make the affair so excrutiating, you'll deafen yourself with the shrill sound of your own screams.

So, in it the dialogue goes at a nice pace. Doesn’t take too long to change from dialogue box to the next, and ends basically right before Ghirahim teleports... all nice, right?

But in Latinamerica’s Spanish translation... oh boy:

1 (ESP-LA): Mira lo que has hecho... Esta vez sí que lo has estropeado todo, Link.

ENG: Look at what you've done... This time you’ve really screwed things up, Link.

2 (ESP-LA): Supongo que, en parte, es culpa mía. Tenía que haberte dado un escarmiento la última vez que nos vimos.

ENG: I guess that, in a way, it's my fault. I should've taught you a lesson last time we met.

3 (ESP-LA): Me encantaría darte tu merecido, pero por desgracia ahora no puedo desperdiciar el tiempo contigo.

ENG: I'd love to punish you, but sadly I can't waste any time on you right now.

4 (ESP-LA): Lo dejaremos para otra ocasión. Bueno, suponiendo que sigas vivo...

ENG: We'll leave it for another time. Well, supposing you're still alive...

5 (ESP-LA): Para entonces, te tengo reservado un infierno de sufrimiento y dolor tan inmenso que acabarás ensordecido por tus propios gritos.

ENG: When that time comes, I’ll reserve you a spot in a hell full of suffering and pain so immense you'll end up deafened by your own screams.

Playing through this scene is what made me start this post. He just-- the last two dialogue boxes ended WAY after Ghirahim disappeared (you can see the diamonds of his teleportation in pic 4), making it seem like he’s somehow talking to Link despite having supposedly left already. 

At first I thought maybe there were just... more dialogue boxes, but after making the earlier part of this post I see now that no, they have the same number... in LA’s translation they just... made Ghirahim talk. A Lot. He says pretty much the same thing but uses way more words than necessary, making each box last Way Longer than in English and ending with the situation of him talking after leaving.

Funny enough, in Spain’s translation it’s shorter, kind of like in English:

(Sorry for the writeover here, used a random youtuber’s vid that changed Link’s name lol)

1 (ESP-SP): Link. Me la has vuelto a jugar.

ENG: Link. You’ve played me for a fool again.

2 (ESP-SP): Quizá te haya subestimado.

ENG: Maybe I underestimated you.

3 (ESP-SP): Te daré tu merecido la próxima vez que nos encontremos...

ENG: I’ll give you a lesson next time we meet...

4 (ESP-SP): Suponiendo que sigas vivo para entonces, claro.

ENG: Supposing you’re still alive by then, of course.

5 (ESP-SP): Si tienes esa suerte, te reservo un infierno de sufrimiento eterno. Todo para ti.

ENG: If you’re that lucky, I’ll reserve you a spot in a hell of ever-lasting pain. All for you.

This one is like a mix of the other two? Short and precise like English (so it ends on time with Ghirahim’s teleporting), but with most of the same dialogue as Latinamerica, just... summarized lol.

My only conclussion after this is that Latinamerican Ghirahim (Grahim, actually) is WAY more dramatic than other interpretations. Also now i can finally sleep knowing it was just dialogue box timing rather than it being more of them lol

[talkingtea]

See, this is why I seriously side-eye candice fans that still like him (there’s a surprising amount of them on twt) after the all the shit he’s done to her. him liking that comment was not an accident, end of discussion. i literally will never understand why liked it at all. what, did she forget to kiss his ass about something like the rest of the cast so he got mad and lashed out like a prepubescent child? he saw a comment saying that a character he spends 80% of his scenes with, is his characters ‘love of his life’, a character that he’s aware has received hate from day one, should die and something in that brain of his that i assume he has told him to like it?? And never unlike it also?? What happened to Mr Warden Westallen?? He’s so full of shit. I’m wondering why he even pushed for WA to happen earlier if that’s how he really feels about Iris. And that’s probably not the worst stunt he’s pulled in the 3000 mile long list of pure unbridled bullshit. Was going to say karma will get him one day, but i clearly already has and has been beating his ass for a while now. So yeah if you claim you’re a candice fan but still like him after having knowledge of all his foolery towards her for years, im going to start questioning the fuck out of the validity that you actually like her. bc name one good he’s done other than “advocate” for WA that warrants him keeping your support? I’ll wait. One “right” does not fix a cesspool of wrongs. And i know some ppl will come on here and criticise me bc you can’t “police other peoples interests” blah blah but i really don’t care, i will judge you 😂. Just call me Sergeant Candice-Stan

Grant has done some nice things for Candice that we know about and probably even more that we don’t which would be great if it weren’t for the fact that he has done so much shit that was downright ugly and unnecessary. It’s not just a ‘remember that one time…” type of thing, which would be bad enough, it’s a “remember that time Grant liked that comment from a Iris hater? Or remember that time he lied about a photoshoot with Candice? Oh, wait, what about that time he re-arranged his Top 9 on Instagram (which we didn’t even know was fucking possible) just so that the Westallen wedding poster wouldn’t be immortalized as his most popular post that year”?

We could literally keep going because over the course of eight years we have far too many examples of Grant being a shitty costar to someone who desperately, desperately needed a supportive one. His behavior would have been bad enough, period, no matter who his costar was but when you think about the fact that Candice already had to deal with so much bullshit to begin with it’s absolutely infuriating that his actions we’re an added, unnecessary burden. He decides to like a comment from a hater on Thanksgiving and then clumsily tries to fix it to save his own ass and all be manages to do is draw attention to the fact that it looks like he’s agreeing with some troll that Candice needs to lose her job which in turn just gave haters even more ammunition to use against her.

So, yeah, it was nice that he pushed for Westallen to happen but it’s thoroughly disappointing that he couldn’t keep that energy when it came to promoting and supporting the couple and his costar. And now we’ve reached the stage where not only does he not promote or support the couple but he half-asses his scenes 90% of the time too. 😒

[llilychen]

thoughts of chain of iron

my favorite scenes in the book were jordelia’s wedding and the townsend’s party (chapter five and six were so fun to read)

i really liked the beginning the book but i found the middle to be boring, the book picks up speed towards the end.

when i finished chog i hadn’t made up my mind about grace yet but now that i am done with coi i have decided that i don’t care too much about her? i’ve seen people say that they adore her and i don’t understand that sentiment. i could see why people would find her an interesting character though

there were too many descriptions in this book, the weather was mentioned almost every single page and it got old pretty quickly

i feel like nothing happened for the majority of the book? i dont like fight scenes that much but throughout the book there weren’t almost any? i was 400 pages into the book and so far there had only been one very boring fight scene against that demon that was in the factory

why was filomena hyped up so much? i swear cc made such a big deal about filomena and she didn’t even want to reveal her name and i thought she was going to be an important character, but she only was there for like 1.5 scenes and it was so disappointing

alastair was my favorite character in this book, i think that he grew a lot and i loved that he was held accountable for everything he did and i think that is what makes him an enjoyable character (when characters do dumb stuff and don’t face the consequences it is boring)

reading cordelia’s pov was so funny (and frustrating) because it was obvious that james was in love with her and she still made the most far fetched unreasonable excuses to convince herself otherwise

i am really sad that there wasn’t more thomastair in this book and i think it was very noble of alastair to not want thomas to have to choose between his friends and him, i am pretty sure that they will probably be together in by the end of cot unless something horrible happens, which i hope is not the case

i was really disappointing with matthew’s character. that scene in which he showed up to cordelia’s house, spied on alastair and cordelia after their dad died, insulted alastair in front of cordelia, and then just started talking about his own problems rubbed on me the wrong way and i hate how his alcoholism is being handled, but im also glad that he called james out on his bullshit? it obviously wasn’t james’ fault but it was nice to see him stand up for cordelia

i hated the love triangle, when i finished chog i didn’t really care who cordelia ended up with, and now that im done with coi i still don’t care too much about who she ends up with but i think that her ending up with james would make more sense and that is probably what will happen which means that the love triangle was a complete waste of time

i really wish that cordelia and matthew’s relationship had remained completely platonic especially because i don’t think cc has ever put focus on a relationship between a man and a woman that isn’t strictly romantic and it would have been nice to show that men and women can be only friends (and by this i mean that there was never any romantic drama between them, so clary and simon don’t count)

anna and ariadne will probably end up together despite the fact that ariadne deserves so much better than anna

anna’s behavior in this book was immature and it got old pretty quickly, the way ariadne was treated throughout the entirety of their relationship was horrible, and i don’t understand if we were meant to root for them? also the way anna treated ariadne reminded me of some of the things anna said in chog and i just want to say that calling the women you have slept with your conquests and writing their names in a list is gross, and disrespectful towards women. coi made me dislike anna unfortunately

matthew insulting alastair every time cordelia was around got old and rubbed one me the wrong way because matthew is supposedly in love with cordelia and he knows that cordelia adores alastair and the least he could is just shut up?? about alastair?? just for cordelia’s sake

i think effie was the best part of the book

i thought that jesse’s resurrection would be take up more page time because i’m pretty sure that cc hinted that jesse would play a larger role in coi than in chog (and in a way she wasn’t lying)

i think that lucie’s marks will probably be stripped or she will become an iron sister (i don’t see why cc would have included that iron sister comment if it won’t be relevant later)

im really disappointed with lucie and cordelia’s friendship, the barely talked, the had like two scenes together in a 650 page book, they just seem like people who sometimes talk to each other, their friendship is so dry

matthew telling alastair that if he didn’t talk to charles it meant that he was a bad person was manipulative and cruel. alastair, unlike matthew, is trying to become a better person and literally everybody saw it except him. i can’t believe cordelia didn’t say anything to him

the whole misunderstanding thing between james and cordelia is so dumb and i KNOW that it will take like 400/500 pages of cot for them to get together and it will be so annoying

that scene in which james confronted grace was very satisfying

cc needs to quit it with the incest, it’s disgusting and unnecessary, it looks like it will not actually go to that in cot (thank god) and therefore she just put it there because she’s gross

i KNEW jesse would come back to life by the end of the book and im so glad i was right because i am tired necromancy and we don’t have to spend another book talking about it!!

i dont know if this is an unpopular opinion but i hope lucie’s character takes a dark turn? i think she has so much potential and i think that maybe she was starting to become a darker character in coi but i couldn’t really tell because she didn’t have that much page time

i really want more christopher scenes, i know that he’s not exactly a main character but he was barely in the book and that made me sad :/

matthew saying that he would not drink in paris so that cordelia would come with him rubbed on me the wrong way because that’s not how it works, and i hope that cc doesn’t portray alcoholism as something that goes away because you’re in love with someone

i knew jesse and lucie would run away at some point, i just thought that it would be by the end of cot (pretty sure they will be found and then there will be trouble and maybe they’ll escape again or there will be more trouble)

my favorite scene in the entire book was when effie found james tied to the bed and requested a raise

when cordelia comes back there is going to be so much guilt because of lucie being missing and i am not here for it

3/5 stars

[shijiujun]

history3 ep15 summary - JEALOUS, WORRIED TANG YI IS A NATIONAL TREASURE

Oh wow we start off with the Tang Yi + CWH and wow Tang Yi is just totally smiling in a friendly manner towards CWH while Jack is all brooding and cautious - CWH is going on and on in a spiel about how being loyal landed him in jail for 24 years - Tang Yi sarcastically replies and hints that CWH bribed some of the men under TGD that year and secretly killed TGD - LOL this scene is intense man both Tang Yi and CWH all are speaking veiled threats under each ‘friendly’ barb it’s amazing - FINALLY THEY LOOK AND SOUND LIKE GANGSTERS

Essentially both Tang Yi and CWH are harping on an eye for an eye - in terms of both grudges and favours - and okay frankly this entire exchange is pretty boring for me but i know why they have to have it

LOLOLOL we get TGD AND CWH running around when they were younger this is damn hilarious HAHAHA - And here we see CWH is loyal to TGD and they’re obviously brothers and friends because they’re running away from bad guys and CWH tells TGD that later if they are caught, he should run and CWH will try to fend the bad guys off - He also talks about his girlfriend who’s about to graduate from university and also talking about his son, and how TGD will be the kid’s godfather (WOW OBVIOUS MUCH?!)

Okay I feel like this scene was kind of unnecessary LOL it’s a backstory ep of CWH and TGD - so here we find out why CWH went in to prison - he did it for TGD because TGD would’ve gone to jail if someone didn’t take the rap, but CWH is a loyal bro and knows that if TGD goes to jail Xing tian Meng is done and over, so he sacrificed himself in a sense - And asked TGD to keep the truth from his girlfriend/wife who I assume is Li Zhen Jie? And just personally wondering, what kind of frickin crime did they do for CWH to end up in jail for 24 years?!!!!!

And then CWH and Jack’s eyes meeting across the garden?!

Shao Fei is displaying his FINE POLICEMAN INVESTIGATIVE SKILLS and searching for files - Poor boy looks so conflicted and frustrated - AND THEN SO CONVENIENTLY HE FINDS A HIDDEN LAYER - GUYS IT IS CONFIRMED

IT IS TANG YI’S BIRTHDAY ON THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE AND A NOTE FROM LI ZHEN JIE TO CWH - so it’s finally confirmed that Tang Yi is LZ and CWH’s son

so shao fei is driving off (did any of you like know that shao fei can drive in the first 14 episodes?!!!!!! i didn’t!!!) into the dark misty night, and tang yi calls him (tang yi is in his kitchen) and shao fei is BRUTAL AND SAVAGE DUDE he goes: “hey, i’m busy catching a lead on a case and i’ll call you back later” and then HE FUCKING HANGS UP LIKE DUDE THAT’S YOUR BELOVED BOYFRIEND THERE

And LOLOL Tang Yi calling Shao Fei voluntarily and Shao Fei hanging up on Tang Yi it’s fucking hilarious to me it’s like Tang Yi wanted to call his boyfriend - AND OMG HE CALLS AGAIN AND SHAO FEI SWITCHED OFF HIS PHONE AND AHAHAHAHAHAA TANG YI TEXTED HIM - TANG YI IS SERIOUS ABOUT THE BOY FRIEND THING AHAHAHAHA

jealous boyfriend I love THIS!!!!!! AND TANG YI POUTING BECAUSE HE IS A JEALOUS CLINGY BOYFRIEND I LOVE IT I LOVE IT - FANFIC TROPE!!! OMG WHAT THE FUCK i love that we see jealous and worried and concerned and pining tang yi he’s like a highschool boy and it’s the most emotion that tangyi has ever shown oh godddd

tang yi goes from - confusion to worry to pining to highschool teengage frustration to like grudging anger and deadliness and then at the end, tender worry OMGGGGG

AND I LOVE THAT WE GET TO SEE HOW TANG YI TEXTS SHAO FEI - AKA TANG YI’S ONE SIDED CONVERSATION DEMANDING SHAO FEI TO RESPOND TO HIS TEXTS AHAHAHA - now we get the opposite i really liked that they put this scene in to kind of contrast shao fei being jealous of tang yi scenes?!!!!

anw tang yi turns up AT THE FUCKING POLICE STATION AFTER A SLEEPLESS NIGHT and IM JUST LAUGHING BECAUSE POLICE CHIEF IS IN A MEETING with everyone else and is the only one facing backwards, but everyone else sees Tang Yi and goes like GOBSMACKED YOU KNOW?!!! and police chief is like: “what do you want? here to report a case?”

tang yi, bluntly: “where’s my shao fei?”

police chief: “why should i tell you-”

helpful zhao zi: “-he’s on MC today!”

tang yi stares for a moment, then spins around on his heel and leaves the police station (I take it that zhao zi is damn loyal to shao fei and knows that shao fei’s boo will wanna know where he is so decided to let it slip because otherwise ZHAO ZI WHY U KEEP GIVING OUT INFO VOLUNTARILY LIKE THAT) - downstairs, tang yi texts and leaves another message again - he’s about to yell but then considers the venue then forces his tone to be TENDER i love it dammit

and then we get the scene that reveals where shao fei is - he went to find tang yi’s adoptive father - adoptive, ABUSIVE dad is regretful that he let tang yi run off like that then, and he seems all apologetic (BUT SRSLY, YOU WERE AN ABUSIVE DAD?! IT DOESNT JUSTIFY YOUR ACTIONS!!!) and explains what happened during the years when he and his wife adopted tang yi but anyway the point of this scene is that shao fei more or less gets confirmation that tang yi is LZ jie’s son (although it wasn’t exactly spelled out in this scene, so either there is an extended scene tmr or we just assume he got the clues he wanted somehow, as always with this script)

next scene, we get TANG YI AGAIN!!!! OMGGGGG I LOVE HIM - okay yeah so hong ye opens the door to his room and manages to catch tang yi leaving the last, TENDER VOICE MESSAGE FOR SHAO FEI: “if you don’t want to call me back, that’s okay. you’ve been awol for a day, and at least text me or something so that i know that you’re okay”

GUYS. CHARACTER. FUCKING. DEVELOPMENT. RELATIONSHIP. FUCKING. DEVELOPMENT.

and then hong ye comes in and is like all “bro, are you serious about this dude?” and tang yi is basically saying that he knows what her concerns are about him and shao fei, but he’s finally found someone he wants to spend his life with and he can’t let it pass by him - and hong ye because she’s finally happy with dao yi, gives him her blessings (although wow this was quite a quick switch like sis you got him shot like only 4 ep ago) - and anw she’s leaving in apparently 2 days with dao yi BUT WE ALL KNOW THAT AINT GONNA HAPPEN BECAUSE CWH GETS TO HER FIRST

next scene is JACK AND ZHAO ZI - okay i was really excited but i know it’s not enough a scene for you guys, but AT LEAST IT IS A SCENE WITH MUCH DIALOGUE OKAY THIS IS PROGRESS WE ARE STARVED OF JACK/ZZ CONTENT - he turns up at the police station just as zhao zi and jun wei exit, about to go for lunch, and jun wei’s arm is around zhao zi’s - zhao zi just says hi cheerily as if jack didn’t try to kiss him before, and then jack pointedly looks at jun wei’s arm around zhao zi’s shoulders and LOLOL jun wei totally gets the hint and he’s like: “uhhhh, zhao zi, i think i can’t go lunch with you today yeah, bye” - THEN RUNS. SMART BOY

so jack is trying to bargain with zhao zi - zhao zi is desperately trying to snatch the lunch box and jack is trying to ask where shao fei is AND U CAN SEE HOW DISAPPOINTED ZZ LOOKS: “ohhh... so you made me a lunch box today because you wanted information from me”

and jack is all: “no, i’m doing this as a favour for the boss, i made this lunch for you of course”

and then jack somehow asks if zz likes him, and zz panics and hurries off back inside the station to avoid jack, but then he PAUSES, AND THEN HE RUNS BACK, AND GRABS THE LUNCH BOX FROM JACK’S HAND. ATTA BOY. (writers are we going to like... idk deal with the jack/zz relationship?!!!! come on man what is this?!)

and then just as jack is leaving, CWH’s lackeys find him and invites him for a meal - jack turns up at the restaurant and CWH offers wang kun cheng’s drug deals and territory i think to jack in exchange for jack giving him detailed info on xing tian meng’s and shi hai (the legal company under hong ye)’s financial flows and info. - jack picks up his damn knife and just shakes and flips it in front of CWH 

in any case at the end of this scene, jack doesn’t drink the alcohol that would symbolise their cooperation - but we end there so we dk if there is a continuation to it BUT I BET MY EVERYTHING THAT JACK DOES NOT BETRAY TANG YI

also i realise that adam uni’s page is down, and @florbexter​ very helpfully pointed out where you guys can still get subs - for the purposes of beautiful jealous, worried and high school teenager bf tang yi, i will sub the tang yi/shao fei scenes & jack/zz scenes as videos by tonight! hopefully someone gets it out earlier for you guys, way before me, but just in case - i’ll still gif the thing ANYWAY hahahaha - hopefully it’ll be done in like... the next 4 hours plus?

edit: ADAM UNI IS BACK!!! REJOICE!

[yoi-secret-valentines2017]

Debater AU

For @apollosukulele!

Yuuri was staring at the Facebook page, his jaw on the floor. This couldn’t be happening. But there was the notification in clear black text. “Viktor Nikiforov is attending your event” This couldn’t be real, this had to be fake. There was probably some other Viktor Nikiforov who decided to rsvp as a joke. That was it. That was the only logical explanation. “Earth to Yuuri!” Phichit waved a hand in front of his best buddy’s face and the elder looked up, still utterly dazed, unsure how long he had been staring. He gestured weakly at the computer screen. Phichit, quirking an eyebrow, leaned over Yuuri’s shoulder to read the incriminating words. “Oh, that? i knew Viktor was coming. He set his registration fee to me last night. He and Yuri Plisetsky are going together. Exciting right?” “Exciting?” Yuuri croaked out, placing his computer to the side to grab Phichit’s hands. “I think exciting is the understatement of the year!!! The Viktor Nikiforov is coming to our debate tournament, our rinky dink “hey lol come to Detroit in February even though we have no money and it’s cold as balls here” debate tournament!“ Phichit squeezed Yuuri’s hands in response. “Guess that means these rinky dink tournament directors have to step their game up.” Yuuri groaned in response, thinking of how many phone calls there were still left and all the possible things that could go wrong. But…he chanced a look at Viktor’s profile picture. His idol triumphantly holding a trophy from his victory at Nationals this past year. Seeing Viktor’s happiness up close and personal would be worth it. –

Later that day, Yuuri was zoning out during his break between classes when he saw something pop up on his phone. Phichit has added Otabek Altin and Katsuki Yuuri to his group. Phichit has named the group “Debate Committee to Find Men” Yuuri rolled his eyes. What was Phichit up to now??? Yuuri: Phichit what the heck is this why is this and who is Otabek this is like your 5th random group chat in a month. Phichit: this group chat is different though Yuuri: how Phichit: because we’re gonna get shit done Yuuri: well the committee is to find men And we are men So low bar Phichit: That’s not what I mean And you know it. Anyway We all know our debate tournament is this weekend On Valentine’s Day And we are all hopelessly single So I think we should do something about it Otabek: I agree Yuuri: I’m sorry Otabek, but have we met before? Phichit: rude Yuuri: im sorry!!! I didn’t mean that to be rude I just don’t recognize your name!! Otabek: it’s okay. I’m from a small college in Michigan. I’m going to be debating this weekend. I’m the equity officer. To ensure equity. Yuuri: oh awesome super glad to have you But how’d you get roped into Phichits shenanigans? Phichit: well since you’re thirsty for Viktor Nikiforov and Otabek has a crush on the Russian tiger I thought you guys could work together!!! Yuuri: wat Otabek. I’m down Yuuri put down his phone out of confusion and frustration at Phichit. How was a ridiculous group chat going to get the man of his dreams to notice him? It was bad enough that Phichit was going overboard with the Valentine’s Day theme, deciding to give sweethearts to the best four teams and a giant pink stuffed bear to the best speaker.

(Yuuri flashbacks to when they were at Costco and Phichit had spotted IT. Wide eyed and deliriously happy he proclaimed,. “Now that is aggressively romantic!”.) Yuuri was just afraid that someone as serious about debate and talented as Viktor would find everything a bit gimmicky. But he didn’t have the headspace to worry too much about that given he still needed to confirm his orders with the caterers. Yuuri was calming himself down from his anxious thoughts when his phone lit up again. "Is it from Otabek? Hope he doesn’t think I seriously have advice for him!” Unknown Number: hello this is katsuki Yuuri right? Unknown Number: I wanted to talk to you about the tournament ‘Oh just someone who wants to know about the tournament.“ Yuuri typed up a quick response. Yuuri: yeah what’s up?

Unknown Number: Awesome! This is Viktor Nikiforov. Unfortunately, our hotel reservation got cancelled and my partner Yuri P. and I will need a place to stay!

At the realization that /Viktor Nikiforov/ was casually texting him like it was nothing, Yuuri went into auto-pilot mode, responding before he could really think of what exactly he was saying.

Yuuri: Not a problem! I made sure not to sign up to host anybody in case emergencies like this arose. You and Yuri P. are more than welcome to stay with me.

Unknown Number: Yay~! Can’t wait to meet you Yuuuri <3

The Japanese man looked down at his phone and was near ready to have a heart attack. The yay, the heart, the sentiment… did Viktor know what kind of power he had??

He clutched his chest, thinking of how utterly embarrassed he was by his response. Viktor? Housing with him? He may have to hide that framed photo of him on his desk….

Unknown Number: One last thing! Very important

Yuuri audibly gulped.

Unknown Number: Is the prize for top speaker really a giant fluffy teddy bear???? <3 <3 <3

What?

Yuuri stared at his phone for a bit, blinked, and then blinked again as he was walking back to his apartment, very nearly colliding into a fellow passerby.

Yuuri: Yeah. Phichit’s idea.

Unknown Number: I love it! Best idea ever. )))))

Maybe this was all just a really weird dream.

–

“So let me get this straight,” Phichit started, eyebrow quirked in its familiar position. “You’re asking me to get you out of providing housing for the man you’ve been in love with since freshman year.”

“Yes,”

“Despite the fact that this is the perfect opportunity to spend the night with him and tell him how you feel,”

“Yes,”

“And maybe if you’re lucky after you confess your undying love, he’ll take you into his arms and you’ll be moaning his name…”

“PHICHIT!”

“Sorry, sorry. I don’t want to imagine that either. But still, I don’t understand the problem.”

Yuuri thought about that for a bit because he knew it was irrational. Tears appeared at the edges of Yuuri’s eyes as he looked down. “I’m just….I don’t know. I guess I’m afraid that if I spend too much time with him, I’ll get my hopes just to be told that I’m not good enough,”

Phichit looked sympathetic, wrapping Yuuri in a familiar hug. “Viktor’s not going to say that to you, and if he does than I’ll push him down a small set of stairs.”

Yuuri put his head of Phichit’s shoulder, the smallest smile appearing on his lips, as he decided to play along. “That’s too obvious and I don’t want you to get in trouble. You ought trip him instead.”

Phichit laughed. “This is why I need you, Yuuri. You’re the clever one,”

“You know it.”

—

Finally it was the day of the tournament. Yuuri swallowed down his nerves, giving everyone who entered the main gathering area a friendly greeting. Phichit was running around, being personable as always, and some of the freshmen were giving directions.

Yuuri knew this tournament was going to go well. He had calculated for every chance of failure, prepared for worst and best case scenarios…

He heard the doors open and looked upward in response, ready to give his automatic response when the words froze on his lips. It was Viktor and Yuri P.

Viktor looked stunning as always in a designer beige coat that went down to his knees, while Yuri P. skulked next to him in his tiger print jacket.

“h-h-hi,” Yuuri managed.

“Where do we go to check in?” Viktor asked politely, removing his Gucci sunglasses. (Which were completely unnecessary but Viktor and his #aesthetic).

“You can check in with me,” Yuuri replied. “Looks like the two of you are here. Nice, that’s good, thanks.”

“You seem awfully nervous,” Viktor leaned forward, gazing into Yuuri’s eyes. Viktor’s eyes were such a beautiful blue, Yuuri noted. “Anything I can do to help?”

Yurio picked up on what was happening.

“Tch I didn’t come here to watch you flirt with the tournament director,” Yuri grumbled, “I’m gonna go find a vending machine,”

Yuuri, on the other hand, was still in denial. Viktor was just teasing him in hopes of getting good scores this weekend, he decided. But that didn’t stop the blush from spreading to the tips of his ears.

“Well I-I could use some help picking up the coffee containers from across campus,”

Viktor pulled back and Yuuri felt , a tinge of disappointment that was immediately replaced by his heart racing once more when Viktor took his hands. “Let’s go then!”

Phichit gave a wayward wink, before returning to talk to someone Yuuri didn’t know all too well–Seung Gil Lee, maybe?

–

The errand had gone well enough, despite Viktor’s flirty demeanor that was driving Yuuri crazy.

Of course, Viktor insisted on walking as close as possible to him as they traveled down campus, insisting he would get lost otherwise.

Of course, he let their hands brush as Yuuri reached down to pick up one of the coffee jugs with the excuse of “I didn’t know you were grabbing that one!”

Of course, Viktor leaned down in front of Yuuri to pick up an adjacent coffee jug, so that he got an eyeful of the elder’s ass.

Was Viktor this flirty with everyone?? Yuuri could feel his jealousy flaring up. I want to be the only one who sees this side of him.

Yuuri was embarrassed by the ferocity of that thought as Ciao Ciao rushed into the room. “Time for round one!”

Thank god Celestino didn’t read minds…

….shit.

Celestino was coming right towards him and Yuuri was ready for chastisement when Celestino instead patted him on the back.

“Have fun judging that round!”

Yuuri looked up at the names on the screen.

He was judging Viktor and Yuri.

Great.

—

Yuuri calmed himself down by the time he entered his assigned room, figuring it was all going to be okay. Viktor was debating against an unknown school, and he and Yuri P. were favored to win the tournament by a long shot. Yuuri wouldn’t be seen as hopelessly biased.

He went through the familiar motions as the participants filtered into the room, a small boy named Minami, ready to present the case. (Was this Minami really a college student? Yuuri couldn’t believe it.)

As the round continued on, Yuuri found the ideas presented to be interesting enough, and let his mind be blank except for what he was writing on the notepad situated in front of him.

But then he began to realize something, as he drew lines in between each argument and its response.

Viktor and Yuri were losing.

Yuuri wanted to stand up and point at the paper, to where Minami’s one big argument was circled in bold red ink.

You haven’t responded to this, idiots!

But it was in vain, he knew better than interfering as a judge.

When the time came for adjudication, Yuuri wanted to run away from this wretched decision he’d had to make. He knew it was the right one, but he was afraid his resolve would fade at any sort of confrontation.

Viktor……lost.

–

But Yuuri had to disclose his decision to the participants, so he focused on the ground while doing so, ignoring Minami’s triumphant whoops.

Viktor was understanding, when Yuuri finally looked up, his mouth a firm line, and his eyes unreadable, but thoughtfully and quietly mulling the decision over. “Thank you for your adjudication and thorough explanation,” He made a motion to leave.

Yuri on the other hand was screaming, all fire and rage. “Thank you??? The bloody pig made the wrong decision and you’re letting him get away with it!” He gave one wayward glare at Yuuri before storming off after his partner.

Yuuri spent a few minutes more in that room, wondering if he had just irrevocably ruined his chances with Viktor.

–

“Yo, whatsyourname, you’re an equity officer right? I kinda zoned out of your presentation earlier but I remember you saying you accepted equity complaints and I have a complaint to make,” Yuri’s first stop was to accost a calm Otabek, who was snacking on some chips.

“Otabek and yes?”

“The pig is out to get Viktor and I and made us lose.”

“Who is the pig?”

“Yuuri Katsuki,”

“Why are you calling him that?”

“Because…” Yuri threw up his hands in the air. “I don’t know. His background picture on Facebook is of a pork cutlet bowl and he has the same name as me which is annoying,”

Otabek ‘hmm’d. “Alright. And you think he deliberately made the decision to make you and Viktor lose, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, based on discriminatory reasons?”

Yuri hesitated again, anger losing its hold on his voice. “Well…he seemed really conflicted about the decision and he gave a lot of detail about the reasoning, and when you put it that way Viktor and I did get complacent…”

The final result was the Russian pouting. “I guess he did make the right call,”

Otabek nodded. “That’s good. I think a soldier like you wouldn’t waste his time on frivolous complaints.”

Yuri looked intrigued, “A soldier?” he tasted the word in his mouth. It sounded a lot more intimidating than the “Ice Kitten of Russia” moniker that Viktor constantly used.

“You don’t see the look in your eyes when you debate. It’s like a man who is ready to go to war,”

Yuri really liked this Otabek guy.

—

The rest of the tournament dragged on, and despite Phichit’s attempts to comfort him throughout the day, Yuuri still felt horrible about his earlier decision.

After the last round of the day, Phichit made the announcement about the party that was ~definitely not happening~ and the room began to buzz with plans to get absolutely trashed.

Yuuri was scrolling through FB on his phone, when he felt a tap on his shoulder.

“Can I drop my stuff at your place before the party?” Viktor asked innocently.

Yuuri nodded. “Shouldn’t we wait for Yuri P.?”

“Nawh, he made a friend who he wants to hang out with.”

“Oh, okay,”

Truth be told the interaction was a lot more volatile than that.

–

“There’s no way I’m going to third wheel you and Katsuki for an entire night,”

“Yura! It’s not third wheeling, Yuuri doesn’t even like me that way!”

“Are you blind??? He’s been ogling you since you walked in through the door.”

“That’s….Well where are you staying then?”

“…Otabek said he lives nearby and I could stay over and hang out instead of going to the dumbass party.”

“Ooooo~ so you’re the one deserting me for a man?”

“Shut up Viktor or I’m taking the van back and leaving you here.”

Would that really be all that bad? “Alright, alright I’ll tell Yuuri.”

–

“Well let’s go then,” Yuuri wrapped himself tightly in his coat as the two went outside again in the blustery Detroit winter.

The walk was long, but they finally made it back to Yuuri’s place. Viktor unceremoniously dumped his stuff in the living room, and Yuuri went back to his room, giving the framed picture of Viktor a wistful look before slamming it face down on his desk.

“Can you give me a tour?” Viktor asked, eyes bright.

Yuuri rolled his eyes as he reentered the living room. “This apartment isn’t that big. You’re in the living room, the kitchen’s over there, and Phichit and I have our own rooms.”

There were a few beats of silence between them, before Viktor finally spoke up. “I know you still feel bad about earlier Yuuri, and you don’t have to. You made the right decision,”

Yuuri chanced a glance at Viktor, but didn’t say anything.

“I know I don’t,” he responded tentatively.

“But you still do,”

Yuuri shrugged, knowing Viktor was absolutely correct. So, he changed the subject. “Viktor, do you want to head to the party?”

“Not yet,” Viktor took a deep breath, unzipping his bag. “I want to unwind first,” he pulled out a flask of vodka. “Want a shot?”

“I don’t drink during tournaments,”

“Wise decision,” Viktor took a swig, before setting the vodka down and screwing back on the top. He stood up, brushing his hand against Yuuri’s cheek. “I really meant it when I said I was so excited to meet you,”

Yuuri flushed, wanting to back away and lean into the touch simultaneously. “How do you even know who I am?”

Something resembling alarm and confusion flashed in Viktor’s eyes, but he swallowed it down. “I heard about you at Nationals last year, Yuuri. You were phenomenal,”

“I only made it to Quarters, you won,”

“Yeah, because I didn’t have to debate you,” Viktor laughed. “You would have exposed all my weaknesses,”

“What weaknesses?” Yuuri scoffed.

“Well, one is a particular inability to think around guys named Yuuri Katsuki.” Viktor brushed a few strands of black hair. “One that’s affecting me pretty strongly right now,”

This is so fucking cheesy, was Yuuri’s first thought. His second thought, was, oh no, he’s hot while saying this cheesy nonsense.

Yuuri shyly forced himself to look up at Viktor, and wondered what Phichit would do in this situation.

Kiss him you idiot, said the Phichit voice in his head.

Usually, Yuuri made a habit of not listening to the Phichit voice in his head, because it often also advocated taking four shots of tequila and taking pole dancing lessons while being drunk off his ass.

But…the Phichit voice was just saying what he wanted.

Why was he so scared?

Viktor didn’t have to be this close to him! He didn’t have to be saying such flirty things!

Which meant…maybe he wanted this too?

So Yuuri leaned in to close the gap between them, and Viktor moved backwards, stunned. Alarm bells began to ring in Yuuri’s head.

Oh no I messed up, he was just platonically caressing my face and actually has a girlfriend back in Russia and has -2% interest in me.

“I wasn’t expecting that,” Viktor purred, but his bright red face portrayed his kindred embarrassment.

Yuuri took a few moments to let it all sink in.

I just kissed living legend Viktor Nikiforov…

I just kissed living legend Viktor Nikiforov…..

I am apparently currently kissing Viktor Nikiforov.

Yuuri had no intention of going to the party that night.

–

Phichit sat next to Seung Gil, as the two of them played one of Phichit’s favorite games–a fighting game that was just glorified button mashing.

“Thanks for having me over,” Phichit smiled brightly at Seung Gil, before landing a particularly devastating move. “I wanted the two love birds to be alone,”

“Love birds?” Seung Gil questioned, dodging Phichit’s repetitive “A” attacks.

“Yuuri’s been in love with Viktor since freshman year, and I figured he’d never do anything if I was around tonight, so I had to remove myself from the picture. I called the hotel to cancel Viktor’s reservation earlier this week, so I had a lot riding on this.”

“Since freshman year…” Seung Gil repeated contemplatively, choosing shrewedly to ignore Phichit’s antics. “That’s a long time to be in love with someone,”

Phichit rolled his eyes. “I know right? Yuuri’s so extra sometimes. If I liked someone I’d definitely tell them a hell of a lot sooner,”

Seung Gil nodded sagely. “Same here,”

The two shared a knowing look before returning to the video game.

[momentofclearity-blog1]

Preface

Let Me Be CLEAR....... The first time I talked to her she told me she thought I set her up. Wouldn't stop shaking my hand & asked if she could touch my hair. She offered to give me her black card when she asked & said that Solange would be disappointed in her. I smiled to keep from blushing cause & then she told me she liked my smile which made it worse. I started falling in love with her. Unintentionally. Which felt like it was the way things were supposed to go. But there was one problem: It was way too soon. So even though I loved her, I never said it. I blame that on my past. I never told her about the paranoia of having her walk out on me the way exes, the way my god mom, the way Reba did. So I never said it. I wanted to, but could literally see her drift away from me the very moment I said it. It didn't help that she would tell me about dreams she had about me. Being in bed with me. Being pregnant with our kids. That shit made it worse. But every time that dangerous word fixed itself upon my lips, I just covered my mouth & laughed to try to not make her think I was hiding anything; the very thing I was doing. And then one day, she said it. And I felt liberated for only a second. The very next second, she hit me 🤣. Not in a way to cause pain, but in an effort to show that she was in awe and had been doing the EXACT same thing that I had been doing. I laughed, talked about it in dramatic fashion which I'm great at, & immediately realized that this was something unlike anything else. My sister, my Best Friend, both strong women. Both huge influences on me. Both gay. So in essence, they are my outlets. Usually for the bad however. Neither one had ever seen me IN LOVE. Both mentioned it before I even had the audacity to say it myself. Both marveled at the opportunity to meet the person that had changed the woman they had known and loved for years. Both told me to hold on to this one because my words, my actions, my thoughts about her showed them that she was going to be the one that would be here for the long run. And I listened to that. Thought about what kids would be like WITH her. She has hers. I have mine. But collectively, what would OURS be like. And she immediately agreed to carry them. Immediately agreed to give in completely to me and over me the opportunity to have a som and daughter of my own. I loved Devaughn. She loved Christian but she hated Aubrey. So the thought of Devaughn & Samara became more and more prevalent. I didn't want another daughter, but thats what she saw so I went with it. I never told her that women frighten me. That the idea of somebody hurting a woman in my life was so terrifying to me that I would risk my life and my sanity in a heartbeat to save hers. I have daughters, she has daughters, & I would have her. 6 women including Samara that would make me show up to every gun show in the city to update my artillery, making sure that there was never an opportunity that someone could hurt them. Whether it be mentally or physically or emotionally, I immediately jumped into this role of protection and would stay in that role for the rest of my life and would risk whatever had to come as a result of me neutralizing any situation that came to them rather than them have to deal with any heartache or turmoil similar to anything I have had to in the past. Honorable Right? WRONG! She didn't want that. She hid things from me and told me that she would continue to because she didn't want to tell me anything that would cause me to be taken away from her. Amazing, yet disturbing. I'd play the criminal justice trained "what if" game for hours at a time thinking of what would happen if I found out something did happen and what my initial response would have to be to make sure that she didn't think I was about to go into the city & kill whoever did it. And something happened. And I was gone. 1,622 miles away to be exact. And I lost it. But I couldn't tell her. So I told the people close to me. The ones who I had done things for in the past that looked at me as family, owed me something, or promised that they would take care of any situation, just name it. So I had a city of goons looking for a person I only knew by name. Nothing else. No location. No clue what they looked like. What they drove. NOTHING! Just "I need yall to find _________." They knew what that meant. No RIP but there wouldn't be a repeat either. I've always been a protector but something was different with her. Something made me be more open with her than I may have been with others or may have understood to be because she seemed to have been ready to give herself to me. Not only in a sexual manner but in a she was ready to meet my family, asked me to tell my daddy about her, told me what type of wedding she would want and what my responsibilities would be to make sure that her second and my first wedding would be our last. Once again, Im in love with this girl. My best friend was my reassurance. And she was happy. She's never happy with my situations because they NEVER end well. But she was happy. And couldn't wait to meet her. And she was thrilled when I told her that she would eventually be my Maid of Honor. "I'd be your Maid of Honor?!?! Wow! Sandy, you're in love with her for real!!" Im 20 years, we never had a conversation like that. But this beautiful woman that I had gained in my life changed something for me. But then I lost her. I let my issues in my past and some issues I never had an opportunity to address get in the way one too many times. Each time, I somehow had an opportunity to get her to let me back in. I have this habit of asking questions. Sometimes its because of things I see. Sometimes I get nervous and paranoid & assume the worst in situations because thats what I know. And now I'm the sickest i've been since I came back from Denver. And as bad as I want to be back at day 1 with her, I dont think I have a chance to get her to let me back in. She doesn't trust me. Honestly, I don't think she ever did. Prior to January 2nd, I never gave her a reason not to trust me. But maybe in the back of her head, she thought she couldn't or shouldn't. Thought that everything I had told her may have actually been game rather than true feelings. But I had hoped the silly shit she saw in her past two relationships she wouldn't assume would show up in me, just like I tried to not think of the silly shit from my past two & assume that she would so those things as well. So when she put me on a "90 day hold" I truthfully never cared. I would have waited longer, cause I fell in love with her well before I even left Harrisburg to go to BWI to fly to DIA. She told me to runaway a long time ago. And I told her I wouldn't. All the while, I think I might have made her do exactly that.... But I somehow got her to let me back in. Got her to tell me she loved me again. Showed her that the mistakes I made were due to me needing help versus me needing to lose her. And rather than talk about it, I made the attempts. But what Black people often fail to realize, is that mental illness is real. It cant be prayed away or rebuked. Anxiety & Depression is real. I felt it as a child. From 9 to probably about 13, and then ever so often between then and almost 30. But those two together are a dangerous combination. The paranoia felt from those two causes me to get confused and ask questions. Often repeats. Often unnecessary. But I ask questions nonetheless. Rather than shut down & not talk about it or ad-lib and put myself in an even worse situation; i ask questions. The questions to me were harmless. She told me to speak up when I had issues and I did... in the form of a repetitive question. I thought I was doing the right thing. She thought I was starting some shit. We were both wrong. But in my fear and paranoia and confusion, I lost her again 😔 For what its worth, I never meant to hurt her. Did I mention I met her in 2014? I said then that eventually I would get her. That once I had a chance to really talk to her, i'd get her attention. Once I got her attention, I just wanted to keep it by any means necessary. And in repetitious fashion, I fell in love with her & started working to figure out how to spend the rest of my life with her. But I lost her, so now I'm trying to figure out how to live without her. She agreed to watch my favorite show, How To Get Away With Murder. She saw my favorite couple, Wes & Laurel. He more I watched, the more I realized how much we had in common with them. The good & the bad. But the good outweighed the bad so it didn't matter. All I knew was I wanted to be Wes & wanted her to be Laurel... but we see how that turned out 😔😔😔😔

[hellogreenergrass]

Signy Island - Week Ten

13th Feb

As a job, field work is unusual for many reasons, but  especially because you need to be OK with both your own company and that of others for long periods. You also need to be tolerant of a disconcerting amount of self-reflection and personal psychotherapy, self-administered without much warning, due to the amount of time you have to spend working on your own/wandering about hills. I’m quite comfortable with both my own and other peoples company, in about equal measures I’d say. That being 50% of the time I am happier on my own and 50% of the time would rather be with others. Sometimes my mood and circumstance correlate, other times less so….

Being on a small island with six people who you live and work with all day, every day (despite them being very lovely and all, I cannot stress this enough!) and cannot escape from without having to inform them of the fact via route cards, VHF radios, appropriate clothing, a designated time slot, a will, a note from your mum, and a renewed membership to your local swimming baths…is beginning to grate a little. As a consequence I’ve been a bit uncoordinated with my desire for company and moods lately. This has led to long, unwanted bouts of self-reflection on my behaviour. The horrifying conclusion being that I fear those ex-boyfriends may have been occasionally right about me!

Despite being a usually patient, kind, cheery, sing-songy type person who makes a lot of unnecessary noise in pursuit of saying and doing unnecessary silly things to make people equally as cheery – I can also be sullenly quiet and bitterly stroppy on occasion. This can be triggered by the following: headaches scaled from niggling dull throb to migranes (which I get often); people in the kitchen when Im cooking; people eating noisily, or worse noisily with their mouths open like masticating cows; too much work; too little work; the wrong tea; the right tea, but not made for me; hormones; a changing tide; the transit of Venus; a butterfly flapping its wings in China….and so forth.  I think of these phases post-hoc as my “little funks” As if they were harmless little splodges on rug that were easily cleaned up and forgotten about. Rather than them actually being a large gift from the cat quietly hidden behind the sofa, but you know it is in the room as the air is so deeply scented that it alters the very atmosphere and chokes you…

14th Feb

You know that scene in Labyrinth where David Bowie holds court with the Goblins just before he sings “Dance Magic Dance”? Well, that noise that the Goblins make, that’s the sound of the apparently hysterical petrels that I can hear outside my bedroom right now. Very peculiar.

They aren’t the only hysterical birds: Yesterday I was dive bombed three times by a screaming banshee. The Skua is back, and heavily on my case. On the third and final swooping it waited until it was level with and 50cm from my ear, before squawking loudly, causing me to leap into the air in alarm squawking my own series of expletives in return call. It then sat quietly nearby and watched me work through slitted eyes. When I moved it looked away from me and became preoccupied with its feathers, or a bit of lichen on the rock, as if they were the whole reason it was there afterall. It got bored with me shortly after and left me be. Which was actually a bit disappointing.

Lab work today kept me out of the skua’s way  – desorption of the ions from my fancy soil membranes that came in yesterday. Had to work a second late night in a row to get it done.

15th Feb

Going back to bullet points. Handwriting is overrated, archaic and beside my pen is running out.

Wrote 3000 words this morning for two new BAS articles: Signy Island Part 1 & 2.

Committee meeting stuff- arranged phone call with the British Ecological Society for next week and caught up with Athena Swan stuff

Put out 40m x 40m grid with Aqlima, up on the backslope. Sun shone. Skuas harassed me, and only me…

Snap froze 20 Alaskozetes from Cummings

BBC looking for “women experts”, but they want a 2 min long video uploaded to YouTube. Not gonna happen with our bandwidth. I sent them an email explaining and attached a picture of a cute penguin as bait.

Beat, nay smashed my rowing PB! 956 strokes in 25m. Also on 220 step runs, which with the dodgy knee and wrecked ankle combo was good going. I want to buy a rowing machine.

16th Feb

I really need a new pen. But this one matches my diary so this is an upsetting turn of events.

Good day today (co-ordinating pen woes aside), although I didn’t go anywhere. On earlies today, but woke at 6am feeling nauseous. It persisted until 6.30, so I went back to bed and woke at 9.30 feeling fine! I get this sometimes if I am overtired/underslept. Wonder what causes it? And no, buns in the oven are definitely not responsible. I’ve been on an Island in the Southern Ocean for months. Months. ITS BEEN MONTHS! :-( 

Ticked off my to-do list today. Feeling nicely on schedule. Went out to Gourlay to put out some membranes, have lunch and potter about. Beautiful weddell seal asleep there on the rocks. It was so deeply asleep I got within a meter of it. Such a lovely creature.

Rowed again, well 20 mins of running and 10 rowing. I can keep at 40 strokes p/m at weight 6 now, but am a bit tired after yesterdays effort. A good hard 20 minutes felt good though (mmmmm matron!). Made sitting at a microscope all day today feel less back breaking.

Still no news on the Shackleton. Last we heard it was due to us tomorrow, but its still en route to the Ronne Ice Shelf, so that’s not going to happen! I guess its stuck in the ice down there and won’t be here until next week at least. It will drop off a guy who will be with us until we close the base down, and take some cargo off our hands aswell. With any luck they will have some fresh fruit and veg they can share. Hopefully the Halley guys I sailed down with will be on board. Would be so great to see them!

Goblins are rioting outside again.

18th Feb

Just one month to go! Feels strange. Mixed emotions about this…

Spoke to mum tonight. Lovely to hear her: “Ello me daRRlin’!”. She is well and on top form. K went to visit her today and helped out in the garden in exchange for mum hugs and some top soil. Fair deal I reckon.

Working hours have been pretty gentle the last few days and I feel like Im slacking as a result! But 10-14 hour days are not something to be kept up. Discovered Billy Connelly and climbing videos (Hard Grit!) on the media drive, so they’ve all helped with the mundane task I’ve had today, tying little bits of string to small rectangles of ion-exchange membranes. And to think I do the more glamourous type of science apparently…

Stacey cooked up a storm for Saturday dinner: Carrot soup, gammon with all the trimmings, apple and cinnamon cake with custard. Girl did good. Then we all played the card game Presidents and Assholes. Which was excellent! Especially as I got myself to President twice. Aqlima got there three times and promptly became quite the dictator on each occasion!