#this feels like such a tremendous bookend

[pippindot]

Pip took Best Opposite today. It was a very special win under a very prestigious judge (he was President of the UKC when silkens were brought in). Pip showed beautifully. She's now

BOSS ISWS Ch UKC Ch Sundance Wings of Inanna ATD RATI

[watching-pictures-move]

Put On Your Raincoats | Wild Things (De Renzy, 1985)

Like I did with my review of Ball Busters, I present to you some stray observations in scattershot form, not unlike the vignette structure of the film being commented on:

I didn't watch this to make a "We have Wild Things at home!" joke, because I haven't seen Wild Things (1998) and this was released first. I'm innocent of all charges, your honor.

This is bookended by a pair of roughie-style scenes. I think the first one is better, in that the female aggressors make it stand out against the usual genre dynamics and the latter has John Leslie doing some weird bear growl noises I found a bit distracting. Both also have neat twists at the end that go a long way in alleviating the sleaze factor that normally comes with these things.

Between the organ music on the soundtrack, the pointed shot of the cross dangling Kimberly Carson's breasts, her desire to make love as a means of procreation and her devout nature ("I'm talking to God here"), the segment where Herschel Savage tries to impregnate Carson plays like a middle finger to the moral majority types, although one could argue it's a bit more subtle than the usual evangelical characters in more overt porno satires (Spitfire, Friday the 13th: A Nude Beginning). This is also the only time I can recall off the top of my head seeing Savage with a beard, and combined with the leather jacket he's introduced in, it's a pretty good look. (Much better than the Gene Shalit 'stache he had in Skin Flicks.)

As someone who's made that same awful sitcom double date joke in too many reviews, I have a tremendous amount of respect for Elle Rio for following through on it. You see, the problem is that "there is so many men and how you say, so little time", and maybe she "should get a little book or something", so she "accidentally date two guys at the same time!" (For the record, I love her accent and her mellifluous voice. I'm not making fun, I promise.) And rather than suffer any embarrassment, she takes charge and resolves things in the most elegant manner possible given the circumstances. (Hint: it rhymes with "free gum.") Apparently this was added after the fact (the breaking of the fourth wall feels more in line with Ball Busters) but is arguably a highlight, making this not unlike a Heaven's Gate situation where a later release is supposed to be the superior version. Or maybe like the Snyder Cut. Definitely not like Apocalypse Now: Redux, where the additional footage kills the pacing. Bonus points for Tom Byron's terrible mustache and his insistence on kicking rocks at Jon Martin's car. "A lot of men, they don't have the kind of sense of humour like we girls do."

Maybe I'm still high off a rewatch of Body Double, but there's one shot where the husband is masturbating in the foreground and the wife is masturbating in the background that looks a little bit like a composition from Mr. BDP himself. Now if you just switched out the rack focus for a split diopter, we'd be in business. (This scene also starts with the wife looking at magazine layout with *shudders* Ron Jeremy, and thankfully that's where he stays.) And before you think I'm giving the movie too much credit visually, there's some pretty nice use of lens flare and shadows throughout. This is not without a decent amount of style.

Lots of great music throughout, probably a little heavier on the rock side of things (psych rock jams, garage rock, funk rock, maybe a little doo wop), but my favourite bit of scoring has to be the fluttering synths in the first scene.

While I missed the knockoff Troy McClure shtick John Leslie was doing while hosting Ball Busters, Jill Ferrar is not without her charms and has some fun interplay with the crew. Also, unlike Leslie she doesn't try to push a heretofore unheard of definition of the title, so definitely wins some points there.

Now, as for whether this is any good: if you like the performers, I can report they are in fine form, and if you are not yet sold on any of them, a strong case is made for all. (MVP: Elle Rio, for the record.) There's enough variation in the premises of each segment, the energy level is consistently high, and the film is not without a good amount of humour (and doesn't feel mean spirited the way I've found De Renzy sometimes can be). I'm assuming Howard Hawks never saw this (because it was released after his passing, unless he came back a decade later like Bruce Lee was prophesied to in Ng See-Yuen's Bruce Lee: The Man, The Myth), but it meets his criteria for a good movie and then some.

[tokiro07]

giltheweebzard replied: 

Almost all of the female Straw-hat prospects these past 10 years got the Vivi treatment. I swear at this point Monet is the 0 on the roulette table and I'm all in.

Rebecca honestly seemed like a shoe-in, I was so sure about her pretty much right until Kyros said that he didn’t want her to have to fight anymore. The fact that he defeated Diamante instead of Rebecca was the final proof that Rebecca’s storyline was about non-violence, and therefore was not appropriate for the role of Straw Hat, as needing to be a recurring character in a BATTLE MANGA would invalidate that character arc

Pudding’s storyline started with Luffy saying “oh cool, new crewmate,” so understandably everyone’s immediate thought was “yeah, new crewmate” until it was revealed that Three-Eyes can read the Poneglyphs. I, among others, started to suspect that Blackbeard was going to get ahold of her somehow so that he could have an avenue for reaching Laugh Tale, and lo and behold, we were right. The act of saving Pudding might actually lead to her recruitment, but I’m not exactly expecting that

I was really on the fence about Tama for a while, but her helping in the raid was what solidified to me that she was a natural fit since she had a DIRECT and frankly tremendous impact on the flow of the battle. I was honestly shocked that, after her story started with “Ace promised to take me out to sea,” that it ended with Luffy making the same promise rather than fulfilling it. I get it, she’s still a kid, it just feels...less impactful for that to be bookended rather than actually concluded. I imagine it’ll be pushed for the final battle or even the epilogue so that Tama can have had some time to grow at least a little, but since I don’t have that retrospect yet, Tama’s character arc within the context of Wano feels incomplete

This is more or less the same feeling I’m left with for Carrot, but with two caveats. One, Carrot’s character arc started back in Zou like...what? Six or seven years ago? And had the entirety of Zou, Whole Cake, and Wano to build her up and pay her off, but instead she got off-screened by Perospero and had no moments beyond her initial reveal of Sulong. 

Second, it’s obvious her character arc isn’t done since Pedro’s entire thing was “everyone has their time to shine,” it just felt like Carrot was either supposed to get hers already or like missing her opportunity in Wano meant that she wasn’t ready for it and would need to remain with the Straw Hats to get it. I thought for sure she was going to be hiding on the Sunny after Wano instead of going back to Zou, which would both bookend how she came to be on the Sunny in the first place AND would parallel Inuarashi and Nekomamushi sneaking aboard Roger’s ship, but no, she apparently just went back to Zou to rule, I guess. But because she isn’t a literal child like Tama, the method for her return and her ability to make an impact are a lot clearer, it just feels like it would make more sense if we got to see Carrot’s continued growth after her failure

Yamato always felt awkward to me, honestly, just showing up and saying “I’m joining the crew. You don’t know me or anything about me, but I’m joining.” I wouldn’t have been surprised if Yamato had joined, but with the character arc that Yamato was established to have, I was fully expecting a major part of it to be “deciding against joining the crew,” and I was right, just not in the way I necessarily expected to be. No question Yamato is coming back as a major ally, I’m just curious if the intention is for Yamato to be a delayed recruit like Jinbe. I could go either way on that one, but I’m siding with no for now

Monet on the other hand really just needs a reintroduction and her recognizability to the rest of the group should honestly make her integration surprisingly natural, like Robin at the end of Alabasta. I think the real question is how to differentiate the two, but I have faith Oda can do it fine. The big problem at the moment is how she’ll be reintroduced, each chapter is making it a little harder for me to see how that would be done, but again, I have faith

[wood-factory-furniture]

Going to Style Bookshelves for Book Lovers

Styling bookshelves is both a craftsmanship and a science. It's associated with getting immovable quality nearby feel to make a space that stores books as well as manages the room's general look. This is the strategy for styling bookshelf

for book lovers.

Start With a New Beginning

Preceding styling, void your racks. This gives you a new beginning to work with and helps in envisioning the last look. It likewise oversees it to close which things will go where.

Figure Out by Kind or Mix

For book lovers, gathering books by class is a genuine choice. Unexpectedly, sorting out by assortment can make a striking sensational depiction. Pick what suits your style and needs best.

Mix Books in With Extra Making Things

Coordinate restoring things, for instance, compartments, photo lodgings, and plants. This breaks the horrendousness and adds character to your bookshelf. Ensure the further making pieces supplement the assortment plan of your room.

Change The Bearing

Change forward and in reverse among vertical and level book stacks. Beyond question, even stacks can go comparably a base for extra honest enlightening things. This adds layers and viewpoint to your Bookshelves.

Use Bookends for Strength and Style

Bookends are sensible for keeping books upstanding & could likewise whenever be magnificent. Pick bookends that reflect your own taste & match the flexible relationship of your room.

Blend Individual Contacts

Add individual tokens like different things from levels of headway, showed photos, or carefully amassed makes. These things make your bookshelf obviously yours and convince memories.

Contemplate Rack Level

Change the level of your book racks if possible. Taller racks can oblige tremendous books and further making things, while extra bound racks are doubtlessly fitting for delicate cover books and really affirmed expressive subject pieces.

Keep It Changed

Balance is key in bookshelf styling. Ensure that no part looks marvelously tangled or incomprehensibly lacking. Convey books and style reasonably across the racks.

Solidify Lighting

Add lighting to include your bookshelf. Driven strips or little lights can make an amazing difference, especially in extra powerless rooms. Lighting grandstands your books as well as adds warmth.

Turn Things Conflictingly

Keep your bookshelf dynamic by turning things conflictingly. This keeps the look new and licenses you to reliably arrange different books and expressive connection.

Use Floating Racks

Enduring that you're deficient in space, floating racks are an uncommon course of action. They add limit without consuming floor room and can be styled from an overall perspective a basically unclear way to deal with customary bookshelves.

Endeavor Various Things with Craftsmanship and Photos

Coordinate workmanship prints or photographs to add a creative touch. These can be placed on the racks or held tight the wall behind the bookshelf for significance.

Add Vegetation

Plants restore your bookcases. Pick low-upkeep plants like succulents or air fans out that turn inside with insignificant thought.

Show Groupings

In case you have different things, as great cameras or clay creation, coordinate them into your bookshelf styling. This adds a momentous part and relates your tendencies.

Stay Aware of Sensibility

While style are central, handiness should not be exculpated. Guarantee dependably read books are really open and that the general procedure is suitable for your standard use.

By following these tips, you can make a superbly styled bookcases that reflects your personality and love for books. Euphoric styling!

[cyarskaren52]

LIST

YES, YES, Y'ALL: THE 25 DOPEST EARLY RAP SONGS

By Stereo Williams

Published Thu, August 11, 2022 at 12:00 AM EDT

August 11, 1973 is widely celebrated as Hip-Hop's birthday. It's the day that Clive "DJ Kool Herc" Campbell and his sister Cindy Campbell, threw a "Back To School" jam at the address of 1520 Sedgwick Avenue in the Bronx. It was at this party that Herc debuted a new technique of extended the break of popular records by mixing two records of the same song together. It was an innocent spark that spread like revolutionary wildfire. 

Hip-Hop's true first wave wasn't made up of recording artists. These were creatives coming together in a community across the South Bronx and eventually other parts of New York City. But by the end of the 1970s, DJs and graffiti artists and breakers had provided a foundation on which emcees could launch viable careers, and rap records became a reality. Labels like Sugar Hill and Enjoy Records scooped up acts from across Uptown and the Bronx, as groups like Grandmaster Flash & The Furious Five, The Treacherous Three, and the Funky Four Plus One suddenly made the leap from the parks to the recording booths.

By the mid-1980s, artists like Run-D.M.C. and Whodini, along with the emergence of the Def Jam label, spelled the beginning of the end for rap's first wave. But there is some tremendous music that came out of Hip-Hop's first generation, songs that became calling cards for the genre for decades to come. We picked 25 of the songs that helped shape, define, and ultimately bookend, Hip-Hop's "True School" wave up through 1984 (and some 1985.)

#26

"SAVE YOUR LOVE FOR #1" - RENE & ANGELA FEAT. KURTIS BLOW [BONUS SONG]

Our BONUS SONG pick is a celebrated classic guest spot! Kurtis Blow stepped into the producer's booth for this banger with one of the hottest R&B acts of the 80s.

#25

"AT THE DIXIE" - COLD CRUSH BROTHERS (AND THE FANTASTIC FREAKS)

The energy of the Cold Crush's live performance was perfectly captured in this iconic closing track from the movie WILD STYLE. Everyone shines here, but Caz steals the show with a verse that's part tragedy, part comedy, and all lyricism. 

#24

"APACHE" - THE SUGARHILL GANG

The classic tune got a Hip-Hop makeover, courtesy of Master Gee, Wonder Mike and Big Bank Hank. And it became permanently embedded in pop culture via an episode of THE FRESH PRINCE OF BEL-AIR. 

#23

"FEEL IT (THE MEXICAN)" - FUNKY FOUR PLUS ONE

MC Sha Rock suggested the group revisit "The Mexican," a popular breakbeat for b-boys and b-girls in the 1970s. The result was one of the Funky Four Plus One's most infectious singles. 

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#22

"NEW YORK, NEW YORK" - GRANDMASTER FLASH & THE FURIOUS FIVE

Another hit from Melle Mel and Duke Bootee following the success of "The Message," it features more gritty storytelling about the Big Apple, this time going full on into darkness, as they rap about the big city. 

#21

"RAPPIN' AND ROCKIN' THE HOUSE" - FUNKY FOUR PLUS ONE

MC Sha Rock, Jazzy Jeff, D.J. Breakout, Guy Williams, Keith Keith, K.K. and Rodney Stone. A dancefloor staple and the first single from the legendary crew from The Bronx, MC Sha Rock shines in particular on this classic and a great showcase for the house band.

#20

"HEY D.J." - WORLD FAMOUS SUPREME TEAM

Nobody hates this song. It's one of the most beloved songs of all time. One of the 1980s most joyously effervescent singles, it still sounds as fun and upbeat as it did decades ago. 

#19

"SUPERRAPPIN'" - GRANDMASTER FLASH & THE FURIOUS FIVE

The first single from Grandmaster Flash & The Furious Five was also one of the first rap singles ever released. The classic 12-minute version introduces the entire crew, and the groove is a perfect showcase for the Sugar Hill Records sound.

#18

"PROBLEMS (OF THE WORLD)" - FEARLESS FOUR

On this single produced by none other than Kurtis Blow, the Four break down everything from mental wellness to the drug game. Here, depression and hustling are linked, long before most rappers had made the connections.

#17

"THE NEW RAP LANGUAGE" - TREACHEROUS THREE W/SPOONIE GEE

Kool Moe Dee, L.A. Sunshine, Special K and former member/guest star Spoonie Gee were breaking ground from Day One. One of the earliest examples of triplet rhyme, and a revelation; and a leap forward for lyricism. 

#16

"ON THE RADIO" - CRASH CREW

Harmonizing on rap records before it was cool, the Crash Crew had one of the most unique sounds in Hip-Hop's early days. Known for tight rhymes and routines as well as some of the best harmonizing committed to record, The Crew etched their own lane long before rap became a multi billon dollar industry.

#15

"MONEY (DOLLAR BILL, Y'ALL)" - JIMMY SPICER

Spicer had some of Hip-Hop's smoothest early tracks, with rhymes that could be effortlessly cool and hilarious. One of his best was this uber-classic; a single that would later be famously revisited by Wu-Tang Clan on "C.R.E.A.M."

#14

"FUNK BOX PARTY, PT. 1" - MASTERDON COMMITTEE

MasterDon, Pebbly Poo, Gangster G, Keith KC, Boo Ski and Johnny D crafted one of the most infectious party rap records. And its where Master P got that classic "Make 'Em Say Uhh" hook from. 

#13

"JAM ON IT" - NEWCLEUS

It's impossible to hear this electro smash and not start pop locking--almost spontaneously. It's one of the best singles of the 1980s and a hit that cemented the electro sound as a force in Hip-Hop. 

#12

"ROCKIN' IT" - FEARLESS FOUR

That Kraftwerk sample is one of the best ever, and this gem from the Fearless Four would become a benchmark for so many later hits like MC Lyte's "Cha Cha Cha" and Jay-Z's "Sunshine."

#11

"FUNK YOU UP" - THE SEQUENCE

Hip-Hop's first female rap group came from South Carolina, and the Sequence dropped an early rap classic with this funky slice of perfection. Revisited by everyone from Dr. Dre to Bruno Mars. 

#10

"WHITE LINES (DON'T DO IT)" - GRANDMASTER FLASH & THE FURIOUS FIVE

The song is ostensibly a warning against the dangers of cocaine, but it winds up sounding almost like a coke commercial! So the group added the "Don't do it!" addendum to make sure the message remains clear. 

#9

"HOW WE GONNA MAKE THE BLACK NATION RISE?" - BROTHER D WITH THE COLLECTIVE EFFORT

When they discuss the earliest forms of political Hip-Hop, this danceable anthem from 1980 has to be more recognized. One of the first topical rap songs that explicitly references Black Power, still an important record. 

#8

"FEEL THE HEARTBEAT" - TREACHEROUS THREE

It's one of the greatest rap records ever made. The Treacherous Three have no shortage of classic singles, but "...Heartbeat" is one of the most celebrated, sampled and revered songs in their catalog.

#7

"RENEGADES OF FUNK" - SOULSONIC FORCE

The Soulsonic Force didn't look to repeat the innovation of "Planet Rock." Instead, the pioneering crew of electro-rock producers pushed even further into the future with this kinetic piece of art. 

#6

"THAT'S THE JOINT" - FUNKY FOUR PLUS ONE

That groove is recreated by the Sugar Hill house band, as the crew of emcees out of the Bronx kick rhymes and keep the party going with one of Hip-Hop's most indelible early singles. 

#5

"THE BODY ROCK" - TREACHEROUS THREE

A high water mark for the record makers at Sugar Hill. That groove is so slick and the beat is one of Hip-Hop's all-time best; sampled by everyone from Mariah Carey to Fat Joe. 

#4

"RAPPER'S DELIGHT" - THE SUGAR HILL GANG

The song that got rap music on the radio and got Hip-Hop into mainstream American culture. Master Gee, Wonder Mike and the late Big Bank Hank launched themselves into the echelons of history with this Grandmaster Caz-penned hit that started it all. 

#3

"PLANET ROCK" - AFRIKA BAMBAATAA & SOULSONIC FORCE

Electro was arguably rap music's first true subgenre, and the Soulsonic Force was the first act to take it to the major charts. A breakbeat staple that still sounds like the future.

#2

"THE BREAKS" - KURTIS BLOW

The Orange Krush provided the slinky groove, and Kurtis Blow's bombastic rap sits front-and-center on this classic from 1980. Kurtis Blow became Hip-Hop's first major crossover superstar after becoming the first rapper to land a major deal. He dropped this monster single, and kickstarted a career that would make him one of the genre's most beloved icons.

#1

"THE MESSAGE" - GRANDMASTER FLASH & THE FURIOUS FIVE

If Hip-Hop has a "Johnny B. Goode," then surely it must be this standout single from Grandmaster Flash & The Furious Five. Written by Melle Mel and Sugar Hill producer Duke Bootee, the 1982 classic has become a rap standard, with a refrain ("It's like a jungle sometimes...") that summed up Hip-Hop's inherent truths without trying too hard. And a beat that's been revisited by everyone from Ice Cube to Puff Daddy.

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[scones-and-texting-and-murder]

Bookends

(This story was originally written for and published in the DeanCas Anthology back in 2018. )

Word Count: 2223 Rating: General ao3 link

Cas pulls as close to the door as he can, checking the rearview mirror to make sure he isn’t blocking traffic as he waits for Dean to get out of the car. Before heading inside, Dean ducks his head back in to smile at him. “I’ll get us some coffee.”

Instead of driving away, Cas stays there, watching until Dean pulls open the diner door. Leaning heavily on his cane, he shuffles more than walks, his bow-legged gait made stiff by the arthritis that wracks his joints. Cas waits until he’s safely inside, then pulls past the open handicapped space Dean stubbornly refuses to use, and finds an empty parking spot.

Cas’s car is boxy and utilitarian, and Dean often proclaims that he wouldn’t be caught dead behind the wheel of something so ugly. Cas plays along because giving up driving had been Dean’s toughest concession to age, but as his vision deteriorated and his reflexes slowed, it had become an unavoidable sacrifice. With replacement parts for the Impala harder and harder to come by, Dean had finally agreed to keep her stored safely away in their garage. Cas knew it pained him to see her shrouded under a tarp, her motor idle and useless, but Dean would rather enshrine her in pristine condition than risk one more run-in with a light pole or curb.

With his ugly car parked, Cas crosses the lot to join Dean inside. While he’s aged as well, aged to the point that nobody questions the two of them together, he’s been spared many of the maladies that Dean’s combat-wrecked body has endured, and he moves with relative ease. The best they can figure is that the grace he’d had on and off over the years left his body with a certain resilience to the passage of time. Cas can’t cure Dean as he once could, can’t ease the aches or slow the aging process, but he can use his own comparatively good health and mobility to take care of him.

Inside, Cas navigates past the hostess stand to find Dean at their usual booth, chatting with their usual waitress. The two of them go to this diner religiously each Sunday morning, where the pews are scuffed burgundy vinyl booths and the altar is the breakfast buffet with the generous senior discount. As always, Dean has maneuvered himself across the bench seat to make room for Cas to sit beside him. His cane rests against the wall in easy reach, the simple carved wooden handle belying the fact that the base unscrews to reveal a bayonet-like tip. It’s never been wielded as a weapon (although Dean uses it, still sheathed, to poke at aggressive pigeons who muscle in around their favorite park bench), but that potential made it “badass” enough to overcome Dean’s resistance to using it.

To Sam’s everlasting chagrin, Dean has kept all of his hair, and it’s turned a stunning silver. The crinkles around his eyes have deepened, meeting the roadmap of lines that cross his face. His shoulders are stooped, his joints are stiff, and Cas thinks he’s never been more beautiful. After so many seemingly certain ends, so many years assuming Dean would die young and bloodied, the fact that he’s living out a full, lengthy life is an unparallelled blessing. Cas marvels at the gift of days that have unfolded into decades, granting them time he never dreamed they’d have together here on earth.

As Cas settles into the booth, he smiles and greets their waitress.

“Two for the buffet?” she confirms as she pours their coffee. Cas doesn’t even have to check to know that she’ll leave Dean’s at a little more than half-full so he can lift it without the tremor in his hands sloshing it over the brim.

They drink their coffee quietly, simply enjoying the ritual of being here. Dean peers at the laminated card that lists the specials, even though he never orders off the menu.

“Shall I?” When Dean nods, Cas gets to his feet. “Any requests?”

“You know what I like,” Dean says, leaning over to swat at Cas’s butt.

Picking up two plates from the warmer, Cas slides them along the metal counter, filling them in tandem as he traverses the buffet. Pancakes are too difficult for Dean to get on a fork, but the crisp waffles are good. Bacon he can pick up and eat, and Cas uses the tongs to place precisely two strips on his plate. If Dean wants more, he can get up and get it himself.

Dean can argue with Cas’s choices, but they’d had a hell of a scare a few years back. Cas will never forget the look on Dean’s face when their phone rang in the middle of the night, alerting them that Sam had been taken to the hospital in an ambulance. They’d rushed there themselves, Cas driving in silence, knowing that nothing short of seeing Sam with his own two eyes could reassure Dean. Thankfully, it had been a mild heart attack and, after spending a few days in the hospital, the discharge plan called for cardiac rehab and an appointment with a nutritionist. With Sam’s release imminent, Dean had relaxed enough to crow at the irony. “Don’t either of you try to tell me what to eat ever again. Mr. Organic Produce is the one lying in the hospital bed while my pork-rind-fueled ticker is going strong.”

Still pale, Sam’s brow furrowed with resignation. “I’m beginning to think you can’t die.”

Dean jabbed a finger in his direction. “You don’t get to go first. We have a deal.”

“Yes, sir.” Sam lifted the hand without the IV in a mock salute.

“That’s more like it,” Dean said. “Speaking of which, I need a snack.”

Cas helped him up and they walked to the elevator that would take them to the cafeteria. As they waited for it to arrive, Dean pulled Cas into a hug. Cas left a hand on his shoulder when they stepped apart again. “All right?”

Dean nodded, his green eyes shining with tears. “I’m glad you’re here.” Cas started to respond, to remind him that there was nowhere else he would be, but Dean cut him off. “I know you know. But I wanted to say it anyhow.”

Cas noticed a change after that. Dean was still the same stubborn mule Cas had fallen in love with, but he gradually became more willing to let Cas help. And somehow, Cas loved him even more for it. He loved seeing the slow-blossoming acceptance that came when Dean stopped seeing Cas’s help as a sign of weakness.

Now, standing in front of the steaming trays of food, Cas considers what else to add to their plates. He bypasses the cauldron of oatmeal (they eat that at home most mornings) and continues along the buffet. There’s a tremendous satisfaction in being allowed to care for this man who has done so much for so many and asked for so little in return. In fact, Dean has now embraced this new role so fully—no longer questioning what he deserves, or grudgingly accepting help, but full-on enjoyment of being doted on—that Cas has to be careful he doesn’t get lazy. There’s nothing Cas would rather do than settle Dean in front of a sunny window, snug in the recliner for Cas to wait on like a pampered cat, but he knows that sort of inactivity would do Dean’s joints and his heart no favors. So he watches Dean’s diet and insists on them taking slow walks after breakfast when his energy is highest.

Their neighborhood is a mix of young and old and everyone knows the two Mr. Winchesters who circle the block on days when the weather permits. The kids on bikes and scooters know to give them a wide berth, their parents warning them that the old men need the entire sidewalk, but they call out their hellos as they go by. They’re friendly with everyone except the woman who lives on the corner. Dean is convinced she’s a demon, but Cas suspects his distrust of her stems more from the fact that she seems immune to his charm. (Whatever the reason, he’s had to talk Dean out of chalking a devil’s trap inside her mailbox more than once.) They chat with their neighbors about the weather and the score of last night’s ballgame, and it’s so painfully normal that Cas sometimes feels his throat tighten up at the wonder of it all.

When Cas returns to their booth, Dean examines his plate. “They outta bacon?”

Cas cuts the waffle into manageable pieces and peels the wrapper from the muffin before sliding Dean’s plate over. “You know the deal.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Dean says. “You just like to look at my ass when I get up.”

They eat in congenial silence with Dean methodically working his way around his plate, eating everything heartily, even the fruit. Sitting next to him, Cas can easily scoop up any bites that miss his mouth, plucking them from Dean’s lap or his shirt.

“You two good?” The waitress asks when she comes to refill their coffees. “Need anything?”

Dean swallows the bite of muffin he’s working on, and rests his hand on top of Cas’s. “I’ve got everything I need right here. An actual angel, this one.”

She nods agreeably. “I can almost see his halo.”

Cas has learned that an old man can say just about anything and receive an indulgent smile in return. When Dean references angels or demons or the apocalypse, people assume he’s speaking in metaphor and they’ll nod pleasantly. Sometimes he’ll do it purely for effect, telling rambling tales from their past for the sheer enjoyment of being able to speak openly. He can’t always keep the details straight, but Cas is there to remind him. Some days, though, he seems to lose where he is in time, and there’s nothing Cas can do for that. Cas has taken to keeping a watchful eye on him in the late afternoons when he likes to doze on the couch with their one-eyed black cat curled up on his chest. Cas stays close in case he wakes from his nap agitated, calling for Cas, wanting to know where Sam is. Cas helps him to sit up as the cat springs down and scurries away.

“Don’t go,” he says again and again, and Cas takes him in his arms, assuring Dean that he’s here and reminding him that Sam is safe at his own home. He holds him until Dean shakily dismisses it all as just a bad dream.

The unfairness of it overwhelms Cas, and each time he’s left filled with wrath. These final years should be spent in well-earned peace, but instead Dean seems cursed with reliving his most frightening memories, traumatized anew by old, familiar fears. If Dean’s mind is destined to slip, why can’t it be toward blissful forgetting? What Dean has endured goes beyond what any human should; to ask him to bear it again is nothing short of cruel. But it’s a torture chamber created in his own mind, and all Cas can do is sit helplessly by, doing his best to ground Dean and bring him back to the present.

Cas looks at Dean’s empty plate. “Did you want to get some more?”

“Nah.” He’s full and happy and it’s time for their walk.

The waitress arrives to clear their plates. As he does every week, Dean asks if she needs to see his ID for the senior discount. As she does every week, she pretends to consider it before leaving the check. “You boys take your time.”

“Tip her well,” Dean says, leaning in to supervise Cas as he signs the bill.

“I always do,” Cas assures him.

When they’re ready to leave, Cas stands next to the banquette, waiting for Dean to retrieve his cane and slide himself to the edge. Using a combination of the cane and Cas’s extended arm, Dean hoists himself upright, groaning a little. Cas keeps a firm hold on him until he’s steady on his feet. Dean still dresses in layers, but these days it’s because he gets chilled easily. He favors heavy knit cardigans and as long as Cas gets the zipper started for him he can tug it up or down as needed. Cas checks him for crumbs then together they walk through the other tables crowded with families. They continue by the hostess station where a woman is wiping down menus. “See you next week,” she calls as they pass.

Cas steps forward to push open the door, and stands holding it. “Watch your step,” he says as he always does, pointing toward the raised metal threshold of the doorway.

Using his cane to steady himself, Dean shuffles his way over it, then stops to lay his hand on Cas’s cheek. His knuckles are gnarled, the skin of his palm is dry and warm, and Cas feels the same flare of awe go through him as he has since the moment he first found this glorious soul in the depths of hell.

“I am the luckiest man who has ever lived,” Dean says.

Cas kisses his palm, then takes his arm to help him on his way.

[paragonrobits]

A friend asked me to give a stab at a Tierlist Maker for Video Games Not Yet In the Video Game Hall of Fame Tier List Maker, so here's my list for it!

This is based primarily on what I considered to be overall value to gaming history as a whole, with games with greater influence or impact ranking higher than those that had less impact on those to follow, or on culture. All the entries are those that have been nominated to the Hall of Fame, but not actually inducted as of this post's writing. Games that I personally like are generally rated higher, though mostly because I'm more familiar with them and thus can judge their impact from a personal POV.

(Tier List explainations, below!)

SHOULD BE IN ALREADY

Final Fantasy: I mean seriously. How is this one not already in yet?? It is not, as my research suggests, the first true RPG; that likely goes to games like Ultima. It is certainly an incredibly influential one; FF is a name closely associated with JRPGs in general, and its diverse class system is one of the strongest things to do with it, as noted by challenges like beating the game with a party of Black Belts. FF is THE name of RPGs in general and I'm startled it hasn't made it in, though I suppose that's owing to more notable entries (Hard as that is to imagine). It doesn't hurt that the majority of my favorite FF titles are those most similar to this one, such as FF6 and FF9, in terms of approaching the general world setting and class systems. Most significantly is that this game popularized RPGs and made them accessible, in ways that previous games such as Dragon Warrior/Dragon Quest did not; the field of gaming would be VERY different without it; RPGs became VERY popular, to the extent of RPG elements being almost universal among other games in the modern day. (I am also pleased and amused to see 8-Bit Theater mentioned on the actual Wikipedia page. Now THAT'S notability!)

Sid Meir's Civilization: HEY NOW HALL OF FAME JUDGES, DON'T YOU BE MOCKING CIV, ALRIGHT. CIV IS FUCKING AWESOME. Okay, jokes aside, I'm genuinely astonished as the Civ series is considered the first true main game of the 4x series, and it shows; the entire genre centers around expansion, resource usage and diplomacying or conquering your enemies, and considering the impact of this game and its sheer popularity, to the extent of the meme of the game getting people to play for Just One More Turn, I'm a bit disappointed that it's not already in the hall of fame. I also note that I am personally more familiar with the spin off Alpha Centauri, a sci fi variant, which is still one of my all time favorite games.

Half-Life: Given this game's popularity, to the point of its release alone consigning the likes of Vampire the Masquerade Bloodlines to cult classic status and its engine spawning a whole THING with GMod and the usage of physics mechanics in FPS games, one thing of note is its use of scripted sequences; at the time, an unknown in most games of the time. There may be something to be said for how the entire game is spent as Gordon Freeman, behind his eyes, possibly engendering a lack of separation between self and character that would be later emphasized in games like Bioshock. It's influence on games cannot be denied, with publications using it as a bookend between eras of gaming. One consistent element of what seems to make this game so distinctive is its approach to storytelling, without simply imitating film techniques which don't always work well with gameplay.

Candy Crush: This is an example of something I don't personally play myself, or even like very much, but I'd be remiss to dismiss it out of hand. There's no denial that phone games are one of, if not THE biggest market of games in the here in now; if now in scale, certainly in quantity. You might call it the TF2 Hat Economy theory; people aren't spending BIG bucks, but they are spending a LOT of little bucks all the time. It proves that highly accessible games that are generally free to play, with optional purchases, are a legitimate means of game business, and this certainly revolutionized how games were seen by the money-makers.

Super Smash Bros Melee: I loved this game as a kid, but truth be told i have a bit of a love-hate relationship; i REALLY dislike the competitive community that has fixated hard on this game, so any thoughts on it will have a slight element of pause beforehand. Even so, I can't forget the thrilled delight I felt watching the trailer for this game in supermarkets for the first time as a kid. at a time when getting any new games at all was a HUGE deal in my family. So, there is a lot of feeling behind this one! Ultimately, I have to concede that while i have complicated feelings about this game, its worth noting that the vast majority of things that made Smash iconic, and influenced the competitive scene AND the games inspired by Smash AND shaped the course of the series going forwards, largely owe themselves to Melee in particular. 64 was far more slow paced, while Melee began the trend towards much more fast paced action (and while I doubt it's SPECIFIC to melee as a whole, it may have been a trend for the genre from then). Melee is STILL widely played, especially on the competitive scene, and this sort of longevity always bears evidence of notability.

Goldeneye 007: I have to admit that despite being a kid in the 90s, despite someone who put most of their time into gaming, and despite being someone whose favorite system at the time was the Nintendo 64, I mostly missed out on the trend of history by honestly not being that much into this game. I have to say that I DID play it, however; I just never managed to get past the first level or so. I have strong memories of triyng and failing to sneak around a snowy lair of some description; it wouldn't be until the mid-2000s, playing Deus Ex Human Revolution, that I got the hang of stealth. All the same, personal indifference really doesn't matter much because HOLY SHIT THIS GAME HAS SOME STAYING POWER. IT HAS INFLUENCE, FRIENDORITOS. Perhaps chiefly, at the time it was made, consoles were not considered viable platforms for first person shooters; Goldeneye revised that notion, and created a whole revolution in multiplayer and shooter games. We would later see the ultimate consequence of this in games like Halo, which further revolutionized the whole genre. Ironically, the stealth attributes I was so bad at were part of what made the game so unique! It's one of those games that may not have aged well, by modern standards, but its import to gaming as a whole goes a long, long way.

Guitar Hero: I expect this one might be a bit hard to justify, but on its own, this game is INCREDIBLY innovative, though its not entirely the first of its kind, having mechanics based on earlier games. The very first entry has a respectable library of 30 songs, which is impressive considered at the time it was made, its not likely people expected it to get as far as it did; bear in mind that the massive libraries of later games were the result of years of this game series being a massive steamroller of a franchise! At the time, this one was an unknown. It has an interesting history as being a successor of sorts to an arcade exclusive, and inspiring a genre of imitators and spiritual successors on its own; of great note is the sheer impact this game had. With so many of those successors, the increased value of liscened soundtracks, and the way the game's concept became so influential, its astounding this one isn't already on the hall of fame. (It's also very fun, but fun alone doesn't make for memorability, sad to say.)

DESERVES IT AT SOME POINT

Myst - an iconic and incredibly atmospheric puzzle game, I'm genuinely surprised that I haven't heard talk about this one in some respect; it bears note as a rare game with absolutely no conflict whatsoever. I actually rank this one on par with the 7th Guest in terms of atmospheric games, though their tones could not be more different. So why do I think this game deserves it at some point? It was an incredibly immersive and beautiful game, lacking in genuine danger or threat, encouraging the player to explore and tackle the puzzles of the game. This sort of open-ended lack of peril makes it an interesting precursor towards certain flavors of sandbox games around now. It's worth noting that it was a tremendous achievement, given technical limitations of things such as the CD-Rom it was stored on, maintaining a consistent experience, as well as tying narrative reasons into those very constraints. It has been compared to an art film; if so, it certainly is the sort that invited imitators and proved to be a great technical achievement.

Portal: PORTAL! What can I honestly say that hasn't already been said by other people? The amazing integration of a physics engine into innovative puzzle solving, combined with a slow burn sort of minimalist plot reveal concerning the AI proving itself to be a kind of reverse HAL 9000? This game got a HUGE number of memes back in the day, and I expect anyone reading this can probably reference a few. The cake thing, certainly, and its relevance to matters of deception. There is much discussion over the game's utility in academic circles, which is certainly quite notable, and for my part, I'm interested by the point that at first the game gives you a lot of hints towards what you're supposed to do, gradually making it less obvious for the player you're on your own entirely, using your experience with the game to get past the puzzles from there, and its excellent game design. Ultimately though, I place this below Half Life in hall of fame urgency, because while I probably like this one more, it doesn't have the same impact on other games, per say. (That's a lot of awards for it, though. Wowza.)

Resident Evil: Is it fair to call this one the major survival horror game of its era? No, because it's apparently the FIRST, or at least the first to be called such. It's certainly up there with shaping the genre as a whole, both its immediate predecessors and modern games. The flavor of a survival horror can even be judged about whether its close to Resident Evil's style of defending yourself with limited resources vs controlled helplessness. It's also worth pointing out that I quite like the restricted, cramped setting of the mansion, rather than an expansive city; Biohazard was a real return to form, even if its something I mostly watched through funny lets plays because OH NO ITS TOO SCARY I CANT WATCH.

Asteroids: It's called the first major hit of the golden age of the arcade. I'm forced to say... yeah, it absolutely deserves it. The actual implementation and hardware of the game makes for interesting reading, and so its innovative nature ought to be noted: it lacked a soundchip at all, making use of handmade circuits wired to the board. It's reception was great, beating out Space Invaders and needing larger boxes just to hold all the money people spent on it. It also invented the notion of tracking initials on the top ten score, which has implications for arcade challenges.

Ms. Pac Man: This one consistently ranks HIGH in gaming records of its time, though there is admittedly some confusion to whether it or Donkey Kong was a better seller. Interestingly it appears to shape most of the gameplay mechanics people remember most for Pac-Man, such as the improved AI of the ghosts. It's more highly regarded than the original game, and on a personal note, I remember being a kid and seeing this arcade machine at ALL the laundry places my family usually wound up going to.

Frogger: It's placing on this list is not solely because CUTE FROG. The accessibility and wide appeal of the game bears a great deal of consideration, the flexibility of its formula, and just how many dang times it's been ported in one form or another. (And also, cute frog.) It also gets points for the creator being inspired for the game when he saw a frog trying to cross a road, hampered by the vehicles in the way, and he got out of his car and carried the frog across the street. The game is also evident of broad appeal, and some money-makers resisting it, goes back a long way; it was apparently dismissed as a kid's game by some, which just goes to show that some problems are older than quite a lot of gamers alive today.

Uncharted 2: this is one of those games where I cannot honestly say I have personal experience to draw from. Of the playstation's big games, I remember the Jak and Daxter series; I remember Kingdom Hearts, and I remember Ratchet and Clank, and I remember Infamous, but the Uncharted series remains

something of a 'I don't go here?' obscurity in my personal playbook. It does look memorable and charming from what I've seen, and one consistent element I've seen in comments about it is the cinematic nature of the game; it feels very much like a fun heist movie, based on what I have seen of it, and the notable thing is how the game FEELS cinematic.. in a literal way. As in, it combined elements of cinematography with game design, and that's no mean feat: what works for movies are unlikely to translate well to the interactive side, and it shows how that can be done for other games. The extensive praise does the game a LOT of credit!

WORTH NOMINATION AT LEAST

Angry Birds: As noted before, I'm not the biggest fan of most phone games, given that i prefer a more passive experience than most provide. As such, Angry Birds isn't something I've played as of this writing, but I have to appreciate the straightforward and simple gameplay; it reminds me a bit of the Burrito Bison game series, which I HAVE played, and I'm going to go out on a limb and assume it's because Angry Birds is probably the innovation that coined that particular style of gameplay. It's an example of what made phone games profitable and worth the time of developers to work at them; its easy for casual players to get into, and there's a fun sort of impact involved. Given the popularity of phone games, this one has a LOT of influence in getting that rolling, similar to candy crush, if not as much.

FIFA International Soccer: Simulation games are a tricky business; it can be really difficult to get them right, and this game provides an example of it being done in a way that a lot of people REALLY loved, set up an entire game series, and revived the 3DO system after a very bad year. Of note, apparently it was commented that it was more of a simulator than a console game, and this is rather funny considering how simulator is its own genre nowadays! Such do things change. It seems to have been a revolutionary game and simulation; setting the shape for modern sport games of its type, and tending more towards realism (accounting for acceptable breaks in reality) than was typical of the time. This one's position is thus picked for its impact as a whole; while it may not necessarily be a household name now, the series continues on, and is popular enough that even after 20 years, it's still been going.

Elite: I nominate this game in this position for being a startlingly early entry into what we would now consider open-ended games, even with an element of exploration and trading; if one stretches definitions a bit, a precursor towards gameplay of the like scene in 4X players who strive to avoid conflict, if possible. Its technical breakthroughs are some very interesting reading and make for good game history; a vast and complex game (not just by the standards of the era, either), and opening the door for persistent world games such as World of Warcraft.

Wii Sports: A significant game, and much as how other titles mentioned above were famed for gateway entries into gaming for an unfamiliar audience, or those that would want o play on a more casual basis. It seems notable to me for being most suited as a family game, or a more casual experience of multiplayer than usually associated with games like this; this has greatly influenced Nintendo's design philosophy, and one can see elements of this all the way through the Wii U onwards. It's essentially a fliparound from Mario Party; less competitiveness, but definitely meant as a group thing. Controversy is evident, because like with Mario Party, injuries did result from it.

Call of Duty: I place this one here because, while it DOES hold a very significant role in gaming history, with countless imitators, spiritual successors, being a game-changer in ways that its modern reputation might surprise you with, ultimately it is less so than other games such as Goldeneye, Halo or Half-Life. It's development in AI pathfinding and tactics is incredibly noteworthy from a mechanical perpsective, and the sheer level of awards it won is notable. In the end this game's popularity and continuing influence means that it shouldn't be overlooked.

Metroid: You can't spell 'Metroidvania' without this game! A relatively open ended exploration-based game with further options opening as new tools were found give it an interesting vibe, and the oppressive atmosphere distinctive to the game says great things about its sound and level designs. It wasn't the first open world game, or explorer, or even the first to open new aereas based on equipment, but it had ALL of these elements in a very memorable package. (Samus Aran as a female protagonist is something I'm a bit reluctant to give it credit for, as her identity was obfuscated for most of the game, and only revealed in a fanservicey way in a secret ending. All the same, credit where it is due, I suppose!) It's music seems to endure as a mood setter, too!

Pole Position: Perhaps not the FIRST racing game, but still considered one of the most important from the golden age of gaming, and the one to codify many of the firm rules of the game series. It's three dimensional gameplay is incredibly innovative for its time, and having played it and games like it in the past, I'm struck by how smooth the whole thing feels. No wonder it was popular! It is notable for having been designed specifically as a 3d Experience, meant to execute techniques like real drivers might attempt, which makes it a different sort of beast in that it tried to do more realistic actions; in some ways, a precursor to modern trends of realism in many games, for ill or best. Ultimately I think this one is worth a nomination because of its influence towards racing games (a popular and long lived genre, to say the least) as a whole.

OUTSIDE CHANCE

Nurburgring 1: On the one hand, I feel a bit guilty putting this one so low; it is recognized as likely being the earliest racing game in history, and given that I just finished noting Pole Position's influence, it feels a bit mean to rate this one as relatively insignificant all the same. However, in terms of notability, I never even heard of this one, and it was tricky finding information about it. Accordingly, that may say something about its influence, though this position DOES make it noteworthy as the first of its kind, albeit with Pole Position refining and introducing elements that shaped the genre.

Dance Dance Revolution: It feels a bit strange, putting this one fairly low. This thing was a MONSTER back in the day; entire arcades were built around the dancing control peripherals it required, rhythm based games or mechanics specifically invoked it by name, and it was an absolute cultural touchstone for years and years. So, why place it low? Partly, its because I can't just shove EVERYTHING into the 'deserves a nomination' folder; I do think it's fairly reasonable for this one to at some point get a nomination in the future, though ultimately there's games more noteworthy on the whole. It's specific rhythm qualities continue outside of its genre, and are quite influential to gaming as a whole, though unfortunately the series seems to have lost something in notability over time; popularity is a factor, but so is the impact on other games.

NBA 2K and NBA Jam: I put these two together because they touch on similar touchstones for me, and they really did popularize basketball games back in the day. Jam in particular seems to be invoking the Big Head mode that were a big thing in games at the time, at least going from the screenshot. They were very popular and highly beloved games back in the day, though I don't know if they have much influence on later games. I note that interestingly, they take opposite approaches; 2k focuses on AI and realistic experiences, while Jam was deliberately less realistic and more actiony in its over the top gameplay.

Nokia Snake: This one really impresses me for the sheer number of releases, in various forms, it's had! Interestingly, there seems to be little consensus on the name of this game; most just call it Snake or something on that theme. I went with Nokia Snake because... mostly, it sounds funny, and that's how its done on the list. This one is fairly low, but I Have to give it credit for having hundreds of releases!

Farmville: My mom liked Facebook games, a lot. And I am certain this one was one of her main ones! I rate it fairly low, and no doubt her spirit is yelling imprecations at me across the void of time, space, and abandoned socks; all the same, this one is ranked low because of the sheer number of displeasure aimed this one's way. (And to be fair, she complained about it. A LOT.) It is thus notable for unusually negative reasons; an example of exploitation, pressuring players to pester their friends to play it in an equivalent to electronic chain mail, and microtranscations.

Tron: I'm inclined to give any game that takes place in a computer land and uses programming or mechanical terminology a free pass! Interestingly, this has some association with the Snake game, as they have similar gameplay and Snake games are sometimes called Light Cylce games, after this one. It has an interesting history; the graphical system was chosen largely because it was believed it was more likely to be achieved before the deadline.

NO BUSINESS IN THE HALL OF FAME

Mattel Football: I do feel a little mean putting anything in this category; firstly because I don't want to make actual fans of something sad, and secondly because I believe you can probably find notability anywhere you look, if you are inclined. And here is the chief difficulty with this one: I could not find any real information in this one. It has no Wikipedia page, a google search only led to undescriptive links of SALES for the game, but not any information on the game itself. Notability is my main resource for sorting these entries, and honestly? If google has nothing on you, that's a pretty poor sign. Sorry, Mattel Football, but you look like a poor man's Game And Watch. You're no Portal, Myst or Pole Position.

[bangtanblurbs]

love is not over

song: love is not over (full length edition)

first experience: what do we qualify as the first experience? the release in HYYH pt. 1 or the full length release on young forever? with almost a year in between the releases timing does bring about different memories for me. 

the 2015 release of HYYH pt. 1 found me a few weeks after a rather terrifying trip to the emergency room with a diagnosis that would forever change my life - the way i live physically and emotionally. this album was the first album i experienced as ARMY. i found BTS through I NEED U, and quickly devoured the HYYH pt. 1 album in may. love is not over was a track that immediately stuck with me. i remember laying in the grass of my university quad, outside my dorm building, soaking in the sun - putting it on and smelling the spring air. it was tremendously comforting for me. i didn’t immediately look for a lyric translation, i didn’t feel like i needed it. i felt every emotion through the song without even knowing it’s true intended meaning. hindsight - i wish i had looked up those lyrics. 

as for the full edition release in 2016, i was actually working in macau at time time as a researcher. i’d been there for about two weeks when young forever dropped. i have the funniest story about me running through the streets of hong kong, completely lost, in mad pursuit of the physical copy of the album. that is for another day though. (also plenty of fun stories of attending the HYYH epilogue concert in macau - i’ll include my horrible video of love is not over from the concert as well). i was so happy to see an extended version of love is not over on the album - i never could have imagined or anticipated it... it was such a delight. having the extended version was almost like what getting young forever was to bookending the saga of HYYH pt. 1 and HYYH pt. 2. i associate this song heavily with my experiences falling in love with macau, falling in love with myself in a way i hadn’t before, and falling head over heels with the world. a very difference first experience considering the low place i was in with the original release. 

it is important to note that the extended version of the song adds in the rap verses for all of rapline, and offers us a very different conclusion than the original release (which was a source for debate among 2015 army for it’s place in the larger HYYH saga and the interesting *jibberish* at the ending of the song, more on this in the lyrics section). 

feelings: lyrically, love is not over is a breakup song. it’s that kind of song where the singer is begging their significant other not to leave, not to say goodbye. it’s the kind of song you listen to after you get dumped. you’re devastated, the other person seemed perfect... whatever comes next for you, you can’t imagine that person not being a part of it. love becomes nothing but pain in that moment. you lament it. you beg for love to fade and fall away. but... in some ways it’s not. to me, in my view the song is also about one’s relationship with themselves. or at least i see it that way. the song isn’t so much about this one specific girl -- it’s about love in general -- it’s about how they’re upset at the fact that love is always pain for them, it’s goodbye after goodbye, there’s no stability, there’s nothing but pain. i’ll make this point in the lyrics section more clear.

it’s this very point that makes the song resonate with me. at this point in my life, and even now, goodbyes terrify me. i carry the baggage of years of goodbyes, those that were intentional and those that happened for reasons outside of my control. they’re damaging. they make you start to see love as pain. why let others in? why love? what’s the point if it’s all going to end abruptly. you’re left with grief, broken dreams, despair. i’ve been through even more at this point in my life than i had when i first heard love is not over. i should be hardened by the pain i’ve felt over the years. yet - i am not. not completely. i haven’t let bitterness taint me completely. 

strangely, when i listen to love is not over, i can’t help but feel in love - the beat - something about the pure R&B sound of it, it’s the perfect build and smoothness, it sounds like what love would sound like (if in fact emotions could become sound waves). the beat is calming and smooth, never loud, never melancholy. the song makes me feel, once again, comforted - like even though i’m hardened, even though love is pain, even though it has the capacity to hurt, it’s not over - and it’s still an emotion that i long to feel and express to those who inevitably come into my life. the song makes think about how i’ll always have the capacity to love and accept love. even if there’s moments i go through where i want to scream that love is dead - i know it’s not, i know that i’ll always love again. 

personal connection: i probably relate to this song in a way that very few others do. maybe i’m interpreting it differently, or perhaps it’s because for me, the song doesn’t map neatly onto a life experience for me - yet i still love it dearly and it’s brought me immense comfort. it’s not a song i cry to with the thoughts of a past relationship in mind. it’s more about my internal discoveries and my relationship with how i love, express love to others, and how i experience and process rejection and change in my life. 

for me, listening to love is not over brings me to a point where i’ve realize that despite being a hopeless romantic i’m a complete cynic. i’ve taken all the personality tests, i know my star sign... among all of that i can tell you i am deeply idealistic and i live inside my head where i build fantasy worlds and scenarios, where i romance everything. i fall in love with the world around me one-hundred times a day. i’m deeply in love with my friends that i hold dearly close to me. yet, and probably because of these visions of grandeur, i’m often let down. i expect the fantastic, and when things fall short i’m hurt. to make matters worse i’m a deep devotee to the church of self-loathing. i know it’s all my fault that i put so much love and care into everything around me, everyone around me, so when things fail, when inevitably the goodbye comes, i place the blame squarely on my shoulders. 

at the point that the extended version of this song came out i was in the process of falling in love with the very world around me. i was out of the US, experiencing something so new and foreign for me. a place that i quickly took in. a place that changed me, made me so much better. healed me to a point where i could leave a toxic relationship - without fearing that goodbye - the goodbye i feared far more was leaving macau, heading back to the states to start my masters degree. i wasn’t in macau for a long time but that experience, i fell in love so many times. not with people per say, but with feelings, with my surroundings, with a slower way of life. when it came time to say goodbye, it was like breaking up with a new life for me. i felt pain. i almost wished i hadn’t experienced a life where i was so happy - only to go back to a world where i had to confront the reality that was my life. the tatters i’d left back in atlanta.

when i came back home things weren’t as i’d left them. i was returning to do my master’s degree at the same institution where i received my four year undergraduate degree. nobody was there that had previously been. i felt abandoned, i felt alone, the love i had in my heart both for a foreign place that was now out of reach, but also for the friends that my university had previously held, hurt. it was pain. i longed and yearned for those places, times, and people yet again. so much so that i hurt myself in the process. i spent nights alone with my wine bottles and emotions. it took a while to get out of the place i was in, but i did in fact love again - love wasn’t over. i learned to fall in love with new people, fall in love with the old in a new way, fall in love with my dreams. for me, love is not over is almost like the story of learning to love yourself, learning to love how you love. and not just in a romantic way, but how you love more generally. if the song were meant to only speak to intense romantic relationships why would namjoon’s verse allude to the shallowness of the relationship at the heart of the song? for me -- i’m still learning how to get back up when love becomes pain, how to recover from putting love into the world and not always receving it back. love is not over. it’s a process. it’s always with me, even if it’s not always returned. even if it’s not always right. it’s there. 

song breakdown

musically: i would like to make the assertion that the full length edition of love is not over is one of bangtan’s best songs. every member’s performance shines through, it’s a perfect dramatic ballad song but the rap verses perfectly complement the perfection of the vocal line portions of the song. 

the slow and soft start with the piano - it fits the mood of the lyrics perfectly. the way in which the harmonies work together to highlight the emotions of the song. stunning. the introduction of the drum beat at the chorus and the R&B undertrack that runs from the chorus through the rap verses is soothing ~ it picks up the mood completely, infusing the song with hope. the playful beats throughout hoseok’s verse which go in time with “stop” and “dot” it’s complete genius. the melodic backing track that picks up with yoongi’s verse is unexpected but completely complements his increased rap pace. the return to the slow for the bridge as we get the upper-ranges of vocal line... it’s hard to put into words how *perfectly* produced this song is. and -- produced by jungkook. i believe this is his first producing credit, and what a song for it to be. it’s genius in every way. in the outro: version of the song jin is also credited in production and songwriting. it seems that this duo are R&B geniuses along with slow rabbit.

the smooth pick up of the beat - it’s classic R&B at its very very very BEST. the asian style is not something to be skipped as well. there’s clear elements that are echoed throughout the entire HYYH series. the song feels old school, nostalgic for some kind of 90s R&B but with the new twist to it. it fits the mood completely, wishing and longing for something that is now in the past. the song builds around the choruses and in the rap verses, expertly moving the emotions of the song along. much like the song is kind of about the ups and downs of love, the loss and the hope, the ugly and the beauty, the music matches this with it’s changes in tempo and sound. but it’s not overwhelming at all. love is not over is smooth - incredibly so - and it is the kind of song you can put on when you’re down, when you’re up... something about that makes it a complete masterpiece and a never skip.

vocally: i don’t have too much to say here other than love is not over is an OT7 song that showcases the talents of both rap and vocal line beautifully and equally. the balance in the song is one of my very favorite aspects of it. it’s not heavy on either side - we get the raps and we get the beautiful crooning - it’s a masterpiece in songwriting and production. it’s a masterpiece in performance. jungkook’s beautiful higher range is showcased in the opening of the piece and leads off the chorus and is felt throughout with adlibs. taehyung’s velvet lower register often follows jungkook in a beautiful contrast - offering us a soulful sultry sound. then jimin and jin take over and moves the song into the chrous with their beautiful high-registesr.  jimin builds the prechorus with power, which then is sung line by line and beautifully with all four voices complementing one another. vocal line harmonizes with one another throughout the song - offering plenty of stunning ad libs as well. 

rapline brings emotion and pain to the song with slower tempo raps in the second verse, started by namjoon and concluded by hoseok. namjoon’s gentle rap voice delivers a sense of understanding and comfort. meanwhile hoseok follows him up with a soulful rap, playing with the beat and building into a pleading tone at the end of his verse. the final rap verse is then taken by yoongi - he starts off slow and building to a more quick rap pace, adding in more emotion and bleeding in to jungkook’s crisp delivery of a modified bridge/final chrous. both jimin and jungkook provide several heavenly high notes throughout and the piece is ended with the solemn repetition of love is not over. it’s stunning, the vocals for all members truly shine in love is not over - there is no dominance, and the song makes for the perfect showcase of the group’s total talent. 

lyrically: jungkook is listed as the primary songwriter for love is not over, but he was assisted by jin, pdogg, slow rabbit, and rapline contributed their own raps. i think it’s important to note because jungkook was only 18 at the time of the full length release, and even younger likely when he wrote the song. impressive. 

now - onto pulling this masterpiece apart completey. 

the slow and beautiful start to love is not over is grounded in a feeling of time passing, time flowing, as one sits through a “long night” that they can’t seem to escape. offering us both a headspace we’ve all been familiar with - sitting alone in your room late at night pondering life - and a feeling of something quite dark, the long night that going through a hard time can feel like. the lyrics then move to ask “why are you getting farther away? / so far that i can’t reach you?” these lines are clearly calling out to someone that was at one point very close with the speaker - a lover, perhaps a close friend, an emotion, a past identity... the options can be endless. it’s like as in the previous line, time is fading away, everything is going dark, and so is the relationship at the heart of the song. the song then asks “can’t you see me in your eyes anymore?” the line almost begging, what has changed, why am i no longer someone you consider, no longer someone you’d like to have in your space? in your view? it’s crushing. the speaker can sense the relationship and the other pulling away, their once held affections and desire melting away to darkness - to a lack of presence. 

the song then moves into the chorus - almost a chantlike chorus which brings more emphasis and importance to the words. the lines begin: “love is so painful / goodbyes are even more painful.” beautifully outlining that opening oneself up to love, that vulnerability, it hurts - and when loves walks away from you, when the goodbye comes inevitably it’s even more crushing than the initial feelings of fear, anxiety, the nakedness that comes along with falling into love. “i can’t go on if you’re not here / love me, love me / come back to my arms” the speaker begs, pleads, feels completely powerless losing something so precious. when juxtaposed with the title of the song - love is not over - you begin to wonder, perhaps these words are just that? they’re words. there’s ultimately a piece of understanding that love is worth the pain and struggle, there is a hopefulness to this song, but we can’t find it in the chours.

the piece then moves into namjoon’s rap - lyrically powerful and delivered with nothing but raw emotion. he starts off telling an intimate story “you said goodbye to me / every night before i went to bed” emphasizing the closeness of the subject to him -- “i hated that even more than dying / it feels like this night is the end of you and me.” he laments those goodbyes, he’d rather have stayed in those beautiful moments, full of love, full of promise. instead things have gone dark and they’re ending now - the longest night has begun, with a simple “goodbye.” despite having emphasizing the closeness of the subject to him, namjoon then calls into question that “i don’t know you, you didn’t know me” perhaps he says this as an explanation, if they’d truly known one another then they’d have worked things out. made it all okay again. there’d have been no goodbye. it’s the realization that perhaps he’d been in love with someone he’d create in his head all along. he then moves along to say “you’re like hello and goodbye / at my beginning and my end / there” emphasizing that things with the subject had been up and down, all over the place, bliss and pain. this goes back to the statement about love being pain, it’s something the speaker wants desperately, yet it’s causing them pain? thus emphasizing the volatility and absolute confusion that happens to our emotions when they’re tangled up within another.

hoseok’s verse follows with its own beat and style. he emphasizes the separation in the first two lines “everything stopped like our red light / stop” and “nothing more to say, it ends with my tears / dot.” clearly he is drawing a line here, there’s no need for any more interaction between the two. it’s over. which in many ways contrasts with the begging nature of the choruses. which leans me to be inclined to think that this song is more about being in love with the emotion of love, a yearning for the emotion and feeling of love rather than a specific person that didn’t even know you. hoseok continues “i’m not okay i repeat this denial / recite, if you can recite my mind” asking the subject to recognize his emotions, his feelings towards concluding their relationship. “you are my endless love and my girl” the verse finishes out. bringing us back to the true story at hand, but not taking us away from the idea of wanting love for the overall feeling of love rather than for a specific person. 

the chorus repeats once again, then we are brought to yoongi’s verse. the emotion builds both in the sound of the song but also lyrically. hope is infused throughout this verse following strongly after more sad toned lyrics previously. he starts off “i always smile at you / even the love is a tragedy for me.” this line makes me think that the speaker recognizes that even if things are falling apart, there was something beautiful about being able to feel at all. that’s a major theme throughout the HYYH series. feeling, experiencing, not necessarily for the sake of others, but for the sake of exercising your youth, for growing, strengthening and building yourself. this part of life is the perfect time for it. “i always cry after it’s over / farewell even though it’s a comedy for you.” yoongi recognizes that the other party doesn’t carry the same emotions as him, it’s completely the oppostie for them. “yes nothing is everlasting / i live without you even i feel like dying” while not exactly hopeful, this line does contrast with the other lines about not being able to go on - yoongi specifically uses the word “live” he goes on, life goes on, he will continue to experience and it is at this point in the song where the first utterance of the song title is made. “over, over, love is not over” emphasizing that even if this is over, love lives on. it might be pain, it might be an unpleasant emotion, but it continues. finally yoongi ends his verse with a plead “please take me out of this endless maze” signifying that he finds the interactions with this particular type of love, or person, or moment in his life confusing and disorienting. but the thing is, mazes have exits - there’s a change he’ll find his way out and onto whatever is next. 

the chrous repeats one more time before the song in concluded with the beautiful chants of “love is not over, over, over” flipping the way in which yoongi uttered the line - ending with the word over. offering hope to the listener. the chant urging the speaker to believe their own words. there is a change, love is not over. it will happen again and again - “over and over” as the lyrics provide through the repetition of the lyrics. it’s understated but it’s a powerful message of hope, cycles, and avoidance of a true end. 

performance: you can easily find live performances of love is not over, most notably from the EPILOGUE in JAPAN concert. i also attended the HYYH EPILOGUE concert, but in macau back in 2016. i was really fortunate to experience love is not over performed live. i’ve uploaded the video here for you all the enjoy. please don’t mind any screaming you hear, i was clearly beside myself. i remember the emotions i felt hearing the song live - the vocals were pristine, the emotion in each voice was on display, the stripped down live band backing was beautiful. everything about the performance screamed emotion.

all seven bangtan members were seated on stools, dressed in black jeans and white blouses. behind the members a beautiful HYYH logo was lit up with the signature chain-link fence print. the beautiful understated nature of the performance amongst a sea of high-energy performances including baepsae, save me, I NEED U, and fire... the contrast was enough to make every ARMY at the show completely transfixed. did i cry? maybe. did i cry with a strange girl i’d met off of twitter only hours earlier? ...okay i’ll be honest - i really did. the song is powerful just as a track on an album, but experiencing it live, or even just watching the performance on youtube -- it’s powerful. the talents of these men are on full display, both rap and vocal line are able to highlight their abilities beautifully. 

tl;dr: love is not over is beautiful. it’s an earlier bangtan song, and it’s earned its place as a complete classic R&B bop. the sounds of each member’s voice, the lyrics, they’re melodic and soothing. the song is about heartbreak, but the interpretations in the context of the greater HYYH saga make it hopeful. love is something we often associate with youth. falling in love with others, ourselves, and our world - it can be painful... especially when we’re young and we realize that things aren’t always as we percieve them to be. but it’s all a part of learning. we will love again, and love isn’t over. it’s a cycle. 

[nerdy-bits]

Ghost of Tsushima and PlayStation Prestige Storytelling

There is an unspoken, yet constantly spoken, expectation that exists in the game industry that demands that games change over time. That they evolve. Yet, it is an expectation that is demanded hypocritically, or perhaps misguidedly. 

When I started writing about games I remember holding a firm stance that Call of Duty was actually garbage, because it was all just recycled gameplay with minimal facelift year-to-year. There is this unspoken standard in games, it seems, that demands a distinguishable improvement over time. Yet, it never seems to quantify its own qualifications. What does that improvement entail? Surely graphical and mechanical improvements, yes? Do those expectations also include things like gameplay evolution? Does Last of Us II need to feel different than its predecessor or is it possible to just build on the framework that its priors have already laid?

None of these questions seem to have answers. At least I have never seen anyone take the time to sit down and build a more specific set of guidelines with which one can view a game’s…”uniqueness”? See, I even struggle to find the right word for the concept as a whole. 

So let me start over, if not for you than for myself. 

When I sat behind my desk to start playing Ghost of Tsushima, I was immediately confronted by a feeling of familiarity. I knew how to play this game already. Combat was simple, light and heavy attack, parry, counter-attack. It all felt very Assassin’s Creed 2, or perhaps even Arkham Asylum. Truthfully, I haven’t played the game in close to three months, but the mechanics are so easy to pick up that I have no doubt it would be a breeze to return. 

Ghost of Tsushima, for the last AAA exclusive release on the PS4, is largely a summary of the genre for the last generation and a half. It’s both extremely appropriate and - in a sort of way - unavoidably disappointing. See, Sony has realized its version of what we call Prestige Television. Allow me the short diversion to explain myself. 

In 200, 2008, and 2010 AMC discovered that it could deliver a version of television that bordered on the production value of film, but also allowed its storytellers the ability to tell a story over ten or twelve hours. Mad Men, Breaking Bad, and The Walking Dead all established that television need not only be a procedural drama focused on serialized formulaity. They established that building a prolonged narrative arc could pay off, and draw record viewership in the process. Were they the first to do this? No, of course not. The Sopranos, The Wire, and before them the likes of Hill Street Blues, or Wiseguy. But see, the difference between the latter examples there and the former, is the accessibility. Hill Street Blues airing on NBC and Wiseguy on CBS. The Sopranos and The Wire continued the tradition of stellar television but on a far more exclusive stage. HBO wasn’t and still isn’t in most households. Then, at some point in the late 2000s, cable television stepped to the plate, and prestige television reemerged, and this time it propagated outward in every direction. Now nearly every network wants its own prestige show. 

But what does any of this have to do with the Ghost of Tsushima and PlayStation? I think that Sucker Punch is another studio swallowed up by this generation of Playstation Prestige Storytelling. If swallowed up sounds a bit negative, that is on purpose. Last of Us started something, and after seven years of AAA exclusives focused on telling mature stories, Tsushima feels like the perfect bookend to this generation. A generation of exclusives full of prestige storytelling but not particularly full of unique or revolutionary gameplay experiences.

Look at both Last of Us titles, God of War, Uncharted, and Horizon Zero Dawn. It’s hard to find better single player experiences over the last 8 years. Each game is well written, expertly acted, and smartly directed. I deeply enjoyed each one. But over time it was hard to not realize one similarity: PlayStation exclusives don’t really push any boundaries outside of delivering highly manicured story and stunning visuals. 

The toughest part about writing this is making clear that my opinion, despite sounding critical, isn’t. I own my PS4 for these titles. I lap them up hungrily. I feel I’ve just recognized what they are for me. Beyond a way to stay relevant, they act as a window into some of the best writing in the industry. 

Ghost of Tsushima is a beautiful game complimented by an equally beautiful story. That story resides in the most refined version of recycled gameplay mechanics I have ever seen. And what’s more? It absolutely works. Tsushima is the summation of open world games for the last decade. It does very little new, but everything it does, it does markedly better than its predecessors. Arguably its most unique feature is its navigational breeze. Removing the non-diegetic quest marker and dotted-line trail for a more diegetic system that draws the breeze to guide you. The flourish of foliage is stunning almost always, and by hour three I had forgotten that it was a mechanic completely, and felt it more as a system of the world’s design. 

But the combat is Arkham, the exploration is Assassin’s Creed, and the stealth is Assassin’s Creed and Splinter Cell. But the cutscenes. The attention to detail in exposition and composition is deliberate and masterful. In the opening moments Jin finds his family katana in a dark room. After a flashback, showing you his first moments learning under Lord Shimura, he unsheaths the blade over his head. The high moon shining through the torn walls casting a brilliant silver glare on across the folded steel. He positions the blade in a Jodan Kasumi stance, flaring the light of the moon across his face. This extremely good shit is painted across every scene in this game. 

As much as I found myself quietly laughing at the novelty of a game made of a generation of parts, it wasn’t long before I absolutely didn’t care anymore. 

That’s the trick. The conceit. Prestige television ostensibly didn’t change what film had been doing for decades. Rather it took that formula and drew it out, carried it over to a different medium, and used viewers’ desire for a good story to leverage their attention. God of War takes the Dark Souls formula for combat and boils it down, hones, and tunes it to its purposes. Uncharted is Tomb Raider with a heaping spoonful of Indiana Jones. Last of Us is almost literally apocalyptic Uncharted. Bloodborne is, well, Lovecraftian Dark Souls. You see the point. PlayStation’s story based exclusives, have built upon what has come before to hone something truly special for each of its games. Just not unique.

Podcasting and writing about games independently means you play a lot of games to stay relevant. A lot of games. I end up putting at least a dozen hours into most releases. When I like a game it generally means mainlining it to make way for the next game. I put 110 hours into Valhalla in the month and a half since it has been out. Playing that much means that when games are similar it can start to drag on you. It almost impacted my enjoyment of Ghost of Tsushima. 

I started extremely critical of Tsushima’s willingness to borrow. I thought it cheap and lacking imagination. The story even immediately impacted me as a bit of a general take on very mainstream ideas of Japanese culture. I saw the combat and, though thoroughly enjoying it, kept reminding myself that it is just recycled mechanics. The first five hours of the game I tried so hard to convince myself that Ghost of Tsushima was too much of a copycat to be enjoyed. I’m honestly not even sure what it was that changed my mind. All I know is, around hour six, I realized what was really going on under the hood of Tsushima, and I fell in love with the notion of paying homage to what has come before. And that brings me closer to my point.

Ghost of Tsushima is Assassin’s Creed 2 made better. Logical visual update afforded by the passage of time aside, it’s combat is smoother, systems more diagetic, design more nuanced. It’s the culmination of a generation of games striving to be more. But it’s not the end of that pursuit. While Tsushima is incredible it’s not perfect. There are small flaws. Some persistent, some one off. 

But it’s another step forward. In the journey of PlayStation Prestige Storytelling it is a logical step. An investigation of further leaning on established systems as an avenue for improvement. Expect future titles to do the same. We are definitely getting a second Tsushima game. Count on that. We also know we’re getting another God of War. 

PlayStation exclusives refined themselves this generation. They are heightened storytelling experiences with a tremendous amount of good writing, jaw dropping visuals, and reimagined mechanics. Have they been a consistent wellspring of innovation? No. But then neither has prestige television. It’s a familiar system, twisted and turned, made to look fresh. And it’s perfect, and learning. 

@LubWub ~Caleb

[babbushka]

Do you have any tips for pitch meetings, Mrs. Z?

In my (very limited) experience, pitching tends to be a very case by case basis, and I really advise you to do your homework on the particular group of people that you’re meeting with and tailoring your pitch to. 

But there’s a sort of format, or formula, I suppose, to having a positive pitch and that’s A Pitch In 5 Acts (under the cut because it got long lol)

Act 1: Building rapport. You don’t ever want to walk into a meeting and immediately say “hello my name is zannah zimmerman and here’s why you’re going to buy my script.” No no no, that’s only going to get you a roll of the eyes and a passive 5 minutes of them pretending to care before they dismiss you. Ask about any of their interests, people in the industry looove talking about themselves, come prepared with a couple questions from the research you did on them, to break the ice and get them comfortable. You want to be warm, friendly, confident; you want them to see that you care about them. You want them to care about you. This is especially true if you have someone who is a mutual friend, or a mutual acquaintance and who has helped set up this meeting. It would reflect very very poorly on them, if they went through all the trouble of getting you this meeting only for you to be an asshole, you know? 

Act 2: Listening to them before you speak. The asking questions thing really segues into the second stage of a pitch meeting. You can start out by asking questions about the people in the actual room you’re talking with, and sort of transition them into questions about the company. Again, I know the impulse is to just start going in with “take a look at this great idea I have!!” but no, not yet. Ask them about the things they’re looking for in future projects, ask them how any current projects are going, listen to what they have to say and let them know that you’re actually interested in the goings-ons of their company. They work there, you don’t. 

Act 3: The Pitch (finally). Now’s your chance to finally get into the reason why you came -- the pitch. After all of this talking and schmoozing over coffee, there’ll be a natural lull in the conversation where it’ll just seem like the correct time to deliver your prepared pitch. Please. Please for the love of all things good in this world, don’t wing it. Please prepare a pitch, there is nothing more uncomfortable and awkward than watching someone unravel because they either didn’t think they’d get that far, or thought they’d just go for it in the moment. Don’t refer to note cards, don’t glance down at paperwork, have a pitch that you know backwards and forwards inside your head. For this I highly recommend practicing your pitch in front of real people -- not the mirror. Get a group of friends or family and listen to their feedback when you’re practicing. Execs won’t be as kind when you fuck up in front of them, believe me. Time is money, and they hate wasting time. 

Act 4: The Q&A. After your pitch, if it was a successful one, the people you’re meeting with are going to have questions. These questions can be either designed to weed out the weak, or to get a better understanding of the story you’re trying to sell. Don’t try and figure out which is which, have prepared answers to anything and everything. But DON’T get defensive. Even if you feel like they’re trying to trap you into territory you haven’t prepared for, show them that you are prepared, but with a friendly smile. You have have have to keep your composure, because let’s be honest, if you can’t handle some tough questions at the pitching stage, the people in the meeting are in no way going to pass your script off to more specific people -- producers, actors, directors -- because they’ll have questions too. 

Act 5: The Conclusion. Once you’re grilled and have proven that you know your shit, the meeting will be over. Pitch meetings happen very very quickly -- time is money again, after all. Be on the lookout for signs that the meeting is wrapping up and be prepared to leave too, but leave on a positive note. I usually like to bookend something from the beginning of the meeting back at the end, if we spoke about a common interest or a mutual friend, just bring that back up or idk, find some way to full-circle the meeting, but then go. Don’t drag out their day, don’t keep the conversation going forever. You’re likely not the only person they’re meeting with that day, and they’ll appreciate your awareness of their schedule. I would always ask for a means of contact for following up though, right before you part ways. Something as simple as “how would you like me to follow up with you?” shows that you’re serious about all of this. Sometimes they’ll test you with follow-ups, where if you haven’t heard back from them, they want you to reach out to prove that you mean business. Make sure to get that business card, or that email, or that phone number, and then actually pursue it. Even if it’s just later that day by saying, “thank you again for taking the time to meet with me, i’m very much looking forward to speaking to you again in the future.” shows tremendous promise. 

Additionally, go into the pitch with the assumption that they are not going to pick up your project. Understand that there are so many meetings, and so many scripts, and sometimes it’s just not what they’re looking for at the moment. But!! That doesn’t mean you give up. If they like you, they may want to work with you in some way, may want to keep you in their rolodex for future projects. Be prepared, be friendly, be attentive and show that you can listen and speak confidently, and that’ll stand out in their mind.

Also lastly I think I’d say arrive dressed professionally, but not in a full pantsuit or anything. They know they’re meeting with a writer, not another producer, not a lawyer, it could come across as you’re trying too hard. Unless you wear suits on the daily, in which case you’ve got the confidence for it and ease/comfort for it and that’s fine, but like, don’t feel as though you have to dress up to the nines if it’s not something you normally do.

So those are my tips, I suppose. These aren’t things that are a secret, it’s pretty well known and talked about in pitching classes and screenwriting circles, but it’s a standard formula that you can use to come across as calm cool and collected. 

TLDR; Pitching is scary, it can be downright terrifying. But being prepared, confident, friendly, and warm goes a long way. Ask questions about them before launching into your own project, and answer the questions they ask in a non-defensive but prepared manner. Memorize your pitch and know that script front to back so they can’t catch you in any trick questions, and make sure at the end to always ask how to keep in contact. Know that you may not sell your script that day, but a positive experience could mean work in the future. Networking is everything, time is money, and don’t give up :)

[heavencollins]

A Portrait of Longing: Looking into the eyes of Portrait of a Lady on Fire

Every phenomenal queer film seems to end with a long shot of one of the beloved characters crying.  Does that mean all people in the LGBT+ family are meant for a perpetual life of disaster?  Or is it simply painting a portrait of what it means to be part of this group during certain points in history?

There have been many period piece films in the past decade about various LGBT+ relationships; Carol, BPM, Call Me By Your Name, The Handmaiden, The Miseducation of Cameron Post, Knives + Heart. And the newest edition to that family: Portrait of a Lady on Fire.  Directed by Celine Sciamma, a French, lesbian director and screenwriter, Portrait paints a picture of lesbian longing in 18th century France.  The film premiered at the 2019 Cannes Film Festival, where it was nominated for the Palme d’Or (ultimately losing to Bong Joon-ho’s Parasite), and won both best screenplay and the Queer Palm.  But what makes Portrait of a Lady on Fire different from any other queer film? It’s steadfast portrayal of longing.

The film opens with Marianne teaching her drawing class a lesson on figure drawing. She sits at the front of the classroom, elegantly posed, telling them to take their time—to look at her hands. Her hands are rested on her lap, before they start to seize up as she notices a painting in the back of the room. A student brought out a forbidden painting, a painting Marianne calls A Portrait of a Lady on Fire. We see the titular portrait less than five minutes into the film, before it jumps into the past. Suddenly, Marianne is on a boat to the island of Brittany, where she is set to paint Heloise, a woman who needs her portrait done so she can be married off. The boat journey is rough and the way it’s shot nauseates you as if you’re on the boat with her. It’s near claustrophobic. 

Heloise isn’t aware of Marianne being a painter, though. This act of deception is not rare in LGBT+ films, as it’s happened in films like The Handmaiden and Knife + Heart in the past. It’s a common thematic element, as it helps the two leading ladies grow closer together. 

But their friendship never feels forced. Heloise is told that Marianne is her new walking companion, a friend for her to go outside with as her mother doesn’t let her out of the house alone anymore. During their walks, Marianne studies Heloise, and Heloise seemingly studies Marianne back. Their eyes are the first open gate of their longing for one another. At one point, Heloise looks at Marianne and says: “You can choose. That’s why you don’t understand me.” as Marianne isn’t forced to get married like Heloise is.

But there’s something deeper brewing underneath the surface.

Portrait begs the question of what the importance of true love is. While it’s set in France, it’s still the 18th century, and these two could never be together permanently. Well, or at the very least publically. They take advantage of the time that they do get together, though, when Heloise’s mother makes a journey to Milan for a week. 

I’ve found myself making the joke that Portrait of a Lady on Fire is what happens when you put two LGBT+ people in quarantine together, because, well, that’s basically what happens to the two of them. There’s something beautiful about this film, and it may just be in the way that it’s shot, or the way the story is told. It seems that a lot of queer films often showcase explicit sexual scenarios, especially foreign films, but this one just...leaves it to our imagination. There’s something tender about it, something that provides a deep sense of intimacy behind every moment Heloise and Marianne share together. This is a film made for the community it’s about unlike other lesbian films that seem to cater to a straight, male gaze. 

Overall, I found myself more moved by this film than I have been by any other LGBT+ romance films in the past. While other films in this genre tend to have large age gaps, a tremendous amount of trauma porn, or just feel pornagraphic, Portrait paints a portrait of what life was most likely like back in 18th century France. It doesn’t romanticize the time period in a dangerously weird way, but it doesn’t highlight the fact that these two women could be exiled for life either—because as the viewers, Sciamma trusted us to know that already. I loved not being spoonfed everything, and the format of which the story is told is bookended perfectly.

We start at the end, just as great works like Baldwin’s novel Giovanni’s Room does. We know from the start that the relationship between Heloise and Marianne is not one that lasts, but it’s one that leaves a profound impact on Marianne at the very least. At the end, we get the satisfaction of knowing what happened to both of them without feeling as if neither are happy in their current lives. There is no kill your gays troupe present, and the film should be applauded for such.

[clive-owen-and-the-knick]

ENTERTAINMENT

Cocaine Withdrawals and Blood Transfusions: Clive Owen On The Season Finale Of 'The Knick'

By Matthew Jacobs

10/18/2014 12:24 AM ET

Updated Dec 06, 2017

WARNING: Major spoilers ahead. Do not read on if you haven't seen the Season 1 finale of "The Knick."

"The Knick" ended its 10-episode debut season on Friday, and the hope each character found in his or her new beginnings was bookended with a sense of dread. Thackery discovers an unfortunate way to kick his cocaine habit in the form of 1900-era heroin. Barrow bests Bunky Collier, but Mr. Wu learns of his manipulation. Cornelia's wedding day arrives, but she's haunted by the thought of her clandestine abortion and her feelings for Dr. Edwards. And Edwards himself is given the chance to shine while Thack is out of commission, but he's left bloodied in the streets, knowing Cornelia is off vowing to love another man. No character wins, but the show surely does. This was a stunner of a season finale, exemplifying the best of Steven Soderbergh's slow-burning drama. HuffPost Entertainment caught up with star Clive Owen, who plays Thackery, to discuss the finale.

Did you study cocaine withdrawal to decide what that would look like once Thackery's supply runs out?

I did as much research as I could. The great thing is that cocaine shortage again was based on fact. Everything in the show is inspired by real events. The idea of starving Thackery of his drug and then coming back and this more than ever was a brilliant way of climaxing. To go through that period of struggle, of not having the drug and then getting it and taking too much, was always, I felt, a great way to build him toward the end.

Nurse Elkin's role in procuring cocaine is fascinating. Does Thackery really love her, or does he only appreciate when she can do things for him?

I think by that time he’s a desperate addict. When she delivers that and when she finally comes through with the cocaine, he’s like, "She’s the most beautiful, loving person." He’s a desperate addict by this point. Just the fact that she’s delivering what he needs is everything.

We see him compete to advance various surgical procedures, but he does it mostly out of ego so he'll always be considered the best. How much does Thackery actually care about medicine?

I really do think by the ending couple of episodes that he’s completely lost his way. He’s a complete paranoid, competitive mess by the end. He is brilliant, but by this point he’s in a desperate place and he’s not thinking straight. That’s kind of where we’re taking him -- he’s heading for a fall.

Many of the surgery scenes are both graphic and relatively primitive. Is there a doctor on set guiding how they should look?

Yes, we had the most amazing expert, a guy called Dr. Stanley Burns, who runs this archive of literally hundreds of thousands of photographs from this period in the world. The show is like his fantasy come to life. He has an unbelievable wealth of material; he has medical documents that were handed between doctors at the turn of the century, he has instruments that were used at the time. He was there for every single operation and would be able to describe exactly how it would have been done, so we leaned on him tremendously.

That blood-transfusion scene in the finale is wild. Surely some of that is CGI.

Really, I have to say that the prosthetics guy on this thing did an absolutely unbelievable job throughout, and there’s so little CGI in this whole series. Everything is totally convincing, even to the naked eye, including that transfusion scene. That was the one scene where I remember I turned to Steven at one point and said, “How on earth are we ever going to bring back Thackery from this?” Will we ever be able to redeem him from this? I mean, in such a coked-up state, to be attempting something like that with this poor little girl, it’s a wild as it could get. But that’s the make of the show.

Do you think Bertie made the right choice in remaining so loyal to Thackery, especially at the end when he realizes what's been going on?

It’s difficult because Thackery does eventually go off the rails, but there’s no question that, at the beginning when we meet him, Thackery is a genius. He’s learned an incredible lot. That’s the journey of what happens, but there’s no question that Bertie would have learned an awful lot, but he’s also had to withstand an awful lot.

What do you think happened to Abigail and her syphilis nose?

We might not have seen the last of her. I won’t say any more on that.

We've seen shocking surgeries all season, but the most jarring moment probably comes when we see that Eleanor's teeth have been removed because that's how doctors thought they'd cure mental illness.

I agree with you. It is shocking, and what’s shocking is that that was the practice at the time. That was real. They actually really did think that. And the scary thing, when you do a show like this, is that what we’d be doing in 40 or 50 years’ time would make us think, "How on Earth could we have thought that was right?" How on Earth could a doctor really have believed that?

It must be hard to shoot in contemporary downtown New York but make every scene look and feel like it's set in 1900.

Steven has just the most incredible people around him that he’s been working with for a long time. What was really incredible is when you film on one of those outside days, you’d come to the exterior of the hospital and you’d walk on and everything would already be up and running. You’d do a shot in the carriage and it would pull up and you’d get out and 20 minutes later we’d be on to something else. It was so incredibly efficient, and they were so focused in getting those big outside scenes nailed so quickly. There were very challenging days -- we were shooting real New York Chinatown for 1900 Chinatown. We’d find a block in there that we’d dress and shoot, but you can imagine the logistics of trying to pull that off. They went in there and they were just incredibly together.

What's the most fascinating thing you've learned about medicine in 1900?

The thing that you’re kind of left with is just how much they were shooting from the hip. It was a time of change; things were coming big and fast. They were rethinking things on a weekly basis. At the time, doctors were sharing information across America and Europe. It was a wildly exciting time in terms of the breakthroughs they were making, probably this time in this period more than any other period.

You've worked with Robert Altman, Mike Nicholas, Alfonso Cuarón and Spike Lee. What does Steven Soderbergh, the consummate multitasker, bring to "The Knick" that no other director could?

I think the reason no other director could have taken this on and done it the way that he did it is that he has done everything. He directs, he operates, he lights, he edits, and it’s a singular vision. It’s 10 hours of television that completely comes back to one man and a singular vision. To have that is really extraordinary because I don’t know of any of the other directors you mentioned or any director that I’ve worked with who could do that and could hold the whole canal like he approached it at the speed with which he approached it. And he dealt with something so rich and detailed. He’s extraordinary in that way; there is no one like him. For an actor to work with that is a real privilege because he’s so on top of all aspects of what’s going on that you’re kind of left just worrying about your acting, which is a great place to be because you’re so sure. It’s a one-stop gig. You know that it all comes back to him. There’s something kind of great about that, about shooting a scene and there not being that dialogue of, “What if we did this?” or “What if we did that?” No. It goes back to that guy and his vision and his taste and his talent. I’m telling you he’s a hugely, hugely impressive person.

When does Season 2 start filming?

We go into pre-production soon and I think I’m heading out to New York for January.

What do you hope to see in Thackery's future now that he's been exposed to heroin?

He's been so edgy in his story and so visceral and dangerous. What’s great is the idea of being able to go into the next season and it could just pick up and hit the ground running, taking it further and exploring new territories. I’ve got a number of the scripts already and it’s just really exciting where we can take it.

[lestatwillneverhurtyou]

Criminal Minds Tag

I was tagged by @dreatine :D

1. Which season did you last watch/currently watching?

I just finished episode 9 of season 14

2. Why did you start watching the show?

There was a time when I adored crime shows. Bones, Castle, I think I’d just finished White Collar and needed a new show to watch. Criminal Minds was on my Netflix queue for a looooong time cause I knew it was exactly the kind of show I’d love. But, I finally watched it when I was really sick one day and I had nothing else to do. I watched it literally all day lmao.

3.What is your fave episode or season?

Fave episode: Entropy, The Fisher King Pt 1 and 2, Sex,Birth,Death, Idk man there’s so many episodes of this show lol.

Fave Season: 5 or maybe 11! 11 was really good.

4. Who’s your fave character and why?

Spencer Reid. I think he’s the most interesting. He’s smart and beautiful with a huge heart but he’s got a darkness in him that we rarely see and he’s far more morally ambiguous than he lets on. Not to mention he’s made such tremendous growth as a character. I’m proud of him.

5. Who’s your fave unsub? Your least fave?

Favorite: The Replicator, Mr Scratch, The Reaper

Least fave: I can’t really think of one.

6. What is your favorite plot twist?

Adam/Amanda in 'Conflicted’, Daria in Edge of Winter that one really threw me

7. Which of Reid’s hairstyles is your fave?

The beginning of season 5! That long hair is fuckin gorgeous. Season 11 too! 

8. What is your fave Garcia pick up line?

Not really a pickup line but I love when Morgan told her to behave cause she’s on speaker and she said “What are you gonna do, spank me?”

9. 100 or 200? If you haven’t seen both yet, which canon ship is your fave?

100 for sure! 

Favorite canon ship: Will and JJ! They’re so sweet.

10. Who was your fave temporary BAU member(ex. Todd, Blake etc..) Or who’s your fave supporting character?

Temporary: Alex Blake! I loved her relationship with Spencer.

Supporting character: Will LaMontaigne Jr

11. What predictions do you have for Season 15?

Reid being happy! A nice family gathering for the finale at Rossi’s house. (probably wishful thinking but) Reid having a boy/girlfriend and finally being a dad!

12. What’s the one thing you wished the show would’ve done/done more of?

Reid’s post prison life. His physical and mental states I would have liked to see more explored. Also showing Reid teaching more.

13. What’s your fave bookend quote?

“Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside of us, and sometimes, they win.”- Stephen King, said by Reid in ‘Conflicted’

“I can resist everything except temptation” - Oscar Wilde, said by Reid in ‘The Gathering’

14. In 3 words, describe Criminal Minds.

Unique, Scary, Educational

I feel like I learn a lot watching this show.

I tag: any Criminal Minds fan who wants to

[douxreviews]

Supernatural - ‘Ouroboros’ Review

"It's worth the cost."

All of this episode's plot lines came together perfectly, but I was still surprised by the unexpected denouement. I often plunge in and talk about the end, but maybe this time I'll start with how we got there.

Noah the Gorgon was a gourmet cannibal, bored with the evil human-eating requirements that kept him alive. The clever thing they did here was that the Gorgon's situation was an obvious parallel to Jack's, who has found that he can't stop using his powers, even though it is burning through the soul that is keeping him alive.

I'm not sure if they're just trying to make filming easier on our stars, but I liked the way they partnered Dean with Castiel here, and Rowena with Sam. Dean couldn't tell Sam that he's barely slept and is having tremendous difficulty keeping a lid on Michael; Castiel is exactly the person Dean would confide in under these circumstances. Understandably, Castiel is also Jack's confidant. Castiel was the one to tell Jack that as non-humans, the two of them might just have to live with losing the Winchesters because hey, they're awesome, but still only human.

Sam's relationship with Rowena keeps getting more interesting. Not only do Sam and Rowena hit the books together, but they talk truth to each other. I think that started way back – was it season twelve, that scene in the car? – when they unexpectedly connected over how they were both victimized by Lucifer. And Rowena is clearly proud of no longer being a villain. That said, Rowena isn't exactly a good guy, either, even though she cares enough about people now that Michael was able to manipulate her into saying "Yes." Her decision to continue hanging around Sam even though she knows he is destined to kill her says a lot. Pretty much anyone else would move to another hemisphere to avoid Sam, but not Rowena. I bet she is is actively trying change her fate by getting close to Sam.

All of this set-up came together in that final scene where Jack essentially cannibalized archangel Michael. Which was a shocker. While there's nothing I'd like better than Michael dead and Jack all better, that's not how this show works.

What just happened to Jack's soul? It was what made Jack who he is, or was. What will Jack be like if he is all archangel now, like his terrible father? Jack even acknowledged this time that he was Lucifer's son and a Winchester. He had Noah's snake in an aquarium in his room, some obvious symbolism there; like the chicken in the story, Jack sacrificed his "egg," his soul, to kill the monster. Is Jack the chicken or the snake? I most certainly don't want Jack to die – and his solution was definitely better than Dean in a coffin – but I'm not happy.

This episode was bookended with eyes. Noah the Gorgon ate the eyeballs of his victims in order to see the humans coming after him, but his snake eyes couldn't see angels. Maggie and the other alternate universe hunters met their end when Michael burned out their eyes. (I knew Maggie was going to end up dead again, but that was harsh.)

And since the beginning, Jack has had those distinctive yellow eyes, a sign of his immense power. They were gone. Now they're back. Initially, Jack was more powerful than his father. If he's now soulless, this won't end well.

Bits:

— Sam and Rowena as a couple at the vet's office was pretty funny. So was Jack as their transformed dog who didn't like having his temperature taken.

— Please tell me this is the end of the Ma'lak box. Okay, I'm sure it's not. Someone will eventually end up in it.

— We almost never know what the police have to clean up later, but what happened to the fortunate guy they saved? How did he deal with a headless gorgon in his living room? If he were smart, he cleaned up the mess and said nothing. But how many people are that smart?

— Rowena has been hanging around the Supernaturalverse for a long time. I checked, and this is her 29th episode, starting with 2014's "Soul Sacrifice."

— Dean kept mentioning the old movie, Clash of the Titans. I assume he wasn't referring to the remake.

— This week: Raton, New Mexico, and other New Mexico locations. They stayed in a motel with literally no name on the sign.

— Dean and Castiel were FBI agents Page and Jones. Led Zeppelin. Easy one.

— I like Rowena's new hairdo. It becomes her. I also like that she survived the episode. Although I'm sure there's a reason they keep reminding us that Sam is destined to kill her.

Quotes:

Sam: "This place doesn't exactly scream 'snake guy'." Rowena: "Not enough Pantera posters, for one." Google tells me there's a song by Pantera with the lyric, "I'm born again with snake's eyes." I kept thinking of Panera. Not the same thing.

Castiel: "These killings. Seems like there's a ritualistic quality to the crime scenes, right? It's almost liturgical. (Dean and Jack look blank) It means 'religious'."

Sam: "Okay, so we've made some progress." Dean: "This is like an AV club presentation." Jack: "What's an AV Club?" Castiel: "It's a special group for people who do not play sports."

Rowena: (to the vet) "He blames me for everything! I let his mother ride the Jetski one time!"

Rowena: "Using dangerous, mysterious magic regardless of the cost, that's a very on-brand me thing to do." Sam: "Well, thank you." Rowena: "Of course, Samuel, until very recently, I was the villain."

Noah the Gorgon: "Honestly, it's not like I enjoy eating people. It's a lonely way to live, and there's only so many ways you can cook human. But sometimes fate is cruel and boring."

Noah the Gorgon: "Women have become so cautious lately. Must be all that finally waking up from centuries of misogynistic oppression."

The verdict? Grosser than usual, even on Supernatural's scale, but a well-constructed episode with a surprising ending. Three out of four eyeballs,

Billie Doux has been reviewing Supernatural for so long that Dean and Sam Winchester feel like old friends. Courageous, adventurous, gorgeous old friends.

[hyenabutter]

A few years ago Lambchop made a seismic shift in their sound:  after having spent two decades or so as America's premier countrypolitan-soul-funk-jazz-avant garde combo, they released FLOTUS, which relied largely on electronic textures, warping frontman Kurt Wagner's vocals into near-unintelligibility via vocoder-ish manipulation. It shouldn't have worked: it's rare enough for a group in their twentieth year to even make good albums in whatever their particular familiar niche is, and practically unheard of when radically shifting their style. But FLOTUS proved to be an exception, a lovely album that challenged both the band and, presumably, their audience. 

Any longtime fans who were put off by FLOTUS won't be any happier with This (Is What I Wanted To Tell You), which continues in the same vein: Tony Crow's spare piano; crisp, brittle drums; Wagner's voice floating and warped. It's less surprising, this time out, to hear the band in this mode, but it remains admirable how natural their approach to this style is, as if this was how they always sounded. 

On a track-by-track basis This is probably a stronger record than FLOTUS, but FLOTUS had both the advantage of being the first album in this new style and thus had the advantage of the shock of novelty and the fact that it was bookended by two monster tracks. This doesn't have a single song as strong as "In Care of 8675309" or "The Hustle", but at the same time no track falls under the shadow of another.

Lyrically, Wagner distracts the listener with half-murmured, semi-political asides--"be it so unpresidential"; "the news just got real for the new progressives"; "the man with the Nixon tattoo"; "the news was fake, the drugs were real"--that both hide and illustrate the record's real theme, which is communication. Obfuscation has long been one of Wagner's great tricks: before he hid his feelings in dense lyrics, and now, genuine sentiment is obscured by electronic bric-a-brac. 

The album cover practically gives it away: Wagner, having never before appeared on an album cover or seen without his trademark hat is shown staring directly at the camera, no hat, his head almost shockingly bald. The parenthetical title reinforces the theme of saying very important things but hiding them; sometimes our emotions are so big that expressing them outright feels dangerous. To come right out and say a thing takes tremendous courage, and so we smear and slur our words to encourage closer listening in the hope we'll be met halfway across what can feel like an unbridgeable chasm.

[doux-amer]

I finally watched Endgame. I had to wait until last night to watch it because I seriously didn’t want to watch it with anyone although I had to watch it opening weekend. I wanted to watch it alone in as empty of a theater as possible because I wanted to be able to be emotional while in public without feeling embarrassed or self-conscious and because this is a personal journey for me. I still remember in incredibly vivid detail what it was like to sit alone (not by choice although it ended up being perfect as I said, this was a personal journey—my friend and I had to sit in different rows since the theater was packed), going in with very low expectations and having the time of my life. The exhilaration and joy I felt was indescribable.

More than anything else in my life, the MCU has defined my twenties. Everything started when I turned 20, and this era of the MCU has come to a close at the same time that this era of my life is coming to a close. If certain things happen, my life's going to change in a few big ways this year, so it feels like perfect timing that the MCU bookended this specific time in my life. I don’t think people I know irl will ever fully understand what I mean when I say I spent literal (not exaggerating) hours upon hours thinking, talking about, and consuming Marvel content every single day, mostly because I keep fandom stuff to a minimum irl or put a lid on it so I don’t go full-throttle nerd lmao. You guys do because you’re here.

Anyway, Marvel, for all I rant about it, has brought in so much good and so much happiness in my life. In ways both direct and indirect, it's changed my life tremendously in a way that very few things have. These past few months—and these past few weeks in particular—I've been reflecting on the last 7 years and how Marvel played a part while reading up old posts I wrote about movies after they came out and some stuff I reblogged in 2012, and I got super sentimental especially while rewatching the big three’s trilogies, Homecoming, and the Avengers movies last week to prepare for Endgame.

I was super scared of Endgame and dreaded it because it seemed so far away back when I was 20, and somehow all those years passed by in a blink of an eye. It's surreal. I don’t know what the future will look like. I can’t imagine that I’ll be as emotionally invested in the MCU the way I was up until now although I’ll remain a big fan and love the movies and characters. I just don’t think I’ll spend hours and hours on fan content. I don’t know if that means I’ll slide into the comics side more or if I’ll just...move on although I can’t figure out what fandom I’d head to next because this seems like it’s it. Maybe it means that I’ll have time to pursue goals that I had but pushed aside for a long time. Maybe it’s time for me to grow up (I’m not saying that engaging in fandom means you’re childish lol; I just mean that I might’ve pushed aside too many things because I was too afraid of massive growth spurts instead of baby steps forward).

Anyway, I'm just feeling a lot of emotions!!!!! I don't know what things will look like when the dust settles. I just know I'll still love these characters and this era, despite all its flaws and disappointments, a hell of a lot. And I want to say thank you to everyone on here who’ve been here from my pre-Marvel days and joined me on this rollercoaster of a ride to those who jumped on back in 2012 and those I met down the road as well. Sometimes fandom sucks like hell and I hate people in it, but most of the time, it’s made me happy and it’s made me grow as a person, many times in ways I didn’t expect.