#this episode of little clay creatures is brought to you by the couple of episodes of grave history that I had leftover on my phone

[chiropteracupola]

back at it again at the little clay creatures mine

[chilly-me-softly]

Carry You Home • Eric Dier (Part 2)

Part 1

"I knew I'd find you here" that voice that you've learned to recognise by now, Eric's voice, comes from behind you. You sigh, giving one last look at the room in front of you before turning around.

Five days have passed since that episode, three of which you stopped by the hospital to get updates on the baby's condition. You were back to your normal life but your mind was always returning to him. You had tried to find a logical explanation, assuming it was because you had found him - or saved him as that nurse always says.

Your heart only found peace when you saw him, happy to see him away from the blanket, happy to know that he was eating alone, that he was fine. Even though he was still struggling to breathe and had that cannula on his nose to help him.

The night before you went to sleep you wondered what would happen to him. He would certainly have entered the system, gone into foster care. And so he would find a good family, good people who could take care of him? It took you a long time to fall asleep, but ironically, thinking about him could reconcile your sleep.

"Hi" you smile softly at the boy who does the same, you hadn't been completely honest with him in the last few days. Eric knew that the day after the hospitalisation, you went back to visit him but he didn't know that you had kept going. Even though coming to look for you there claimed he knew you much better than you thought.

Eric moves next to you, his eyes going through the glass to the well known place where the little one is resting peacefully.

"I know we said-"

"I came to see him after training the other day" he interrupts you, leaving you speechless.

After your solo visit, you promised not to come back and try to put the episode aside by moving on with your lives. A decision made to not get attached, having done a good action had to be the basis to make you feel good.

The next day, however, you had fallen for it again. One last time to say goodbye to him, you said to yourself. And instead you went back again and again.

Eric, on the other hand, had really found himself there by chance. He had approached the car quickly looking forward to warming up after a long day out training, and his eyes fell on that blanket as he put his bag in its usual place. And he simply thought that a short stop wouldn't hurt anyone.

You squeeze his hand, feeling a strange vibe at that admission, but you're unable to give a proper reading to it.

-------

"We can't go on like this" that statement comes as an unexpected slap, it hurts but it's the truth and it's a wake-up call.

Eric comes and sits next to you holding your hands between his to comfort you. You know it's the right thing to do but you can't stop your eyes from filling up with tears.

"We really have to (Y/N). Sooner or later they will discharge him and take him away and we have to stop while we can" it costs him so much to admit it even to himself, but he feels that if one of you doesn't put a stop to it seriously, the further you go the more complicated it will become to handle it.

"I know" a gasp comes out of your lips as you try to take deep breaths and calm down, "I know. I just... I can't explain it"

"What do you say if-if we go one last time to say goodbye to him? Together and for real this time" he proposes and in a second endless thoughts can really go through somebody's mind. That moment before you nod and then throw yourself into his arms is one of the longest moments ever.

Maybe it's not the case, you think. Maybe knowing that it really is the last time, that you will have to do everything to not give in from that moment on, will make it even more difficult. But Eric is right, it's better to put some distance between us now than to have the patch torn off when it's too late.

--------

How can people forget about someone they have met, who have left a mark along the way, who have changed us in some way by making us open our minds or change.

The truth is that we don't forget, the feelings given are incorporated within us and gradually shaped us. Like a clay pot that has to be shaped, a person makes a change, makes us grow, destroys us and remodels us. Every episode we face adds or removes a piece, and the final work is never really the end because the clay can always be remodelled.

As soon as you arrived, you went on your way expertly. Only once you arrived in front of the room, your little space was empty. That crib you had stared at for the previous days was empty and a sense of panic had overwhelmed both of you, immediately thinking the worst.

Then a nurse, the same as always who had followed you from the beginning, who had seen you arrive separately but with a common purpose, who in many years of her career had witnessed few similar situations, came to your rescue.

She had brought you in front of another glass and happily pointed to a crib, at the bottom right. Because that little miracle no longer needed the little tube with oxygen and could stay with the other newborn babies, on which he was the biggest. The joy had been so great that needless to say, other tears had appeared.

You and Eric had watched him for a long time, happy that he had improved in such a short time and that he hadn't suffered any permanent damage because of the way he had been abandoned. You could have stayed there forever if it hadn't been for another couple who had approached to admire one of the other newborn and without any mischievousness asked which one was yours.

Another bubble, yet another one, had burst and brought you back to reality.

--------

You feel emptied of everything at that moment, so many contrasting emotions that together create an absolute void. Nothing makes sense anymore and your head can no longer think clearly.

An opportunity had been created, one that will surely change your lives and on which you cannot make hasty decisions. It had run across you like a running train, and yet you had never felt so alive in your life.

Almost ten days had passed since that evening, since arriving at the hospital with that almost cyanotic bundle in your arms and the shock in your eyes. Three since the day you had decided to say goodbye to him. Two from the unexpected proposal.

The phone call had been a bit of a surprise, you had both been summoned by the hospital management. You thought it was about the baby, but at first, when you discussed it with Eric, you thought it was more of a scolding on their part. It wasn't normal for strangers, even though they were involved in the situation, to go back and forth to the hospital to check on a complete stranger after all. You thought they would tell you to stay away from that unit, that you had taken advantage of their kindness for too long now; you laughed thinking they would arrest you for stalking or something like that.

You had apologized to the manager once in her office at the time of the meeting, you knew it was unhealthy what you were doing and explained to her that it would never happen again. Both in fear like two students in front of the principal. But you weren't there for that.

The woman had spoken a lot about the child's condition and thanked you once again for your charitable act. Then she started talking about foster care, numbers, adoptions, filling your head with words upon words while you were still trying to make sense of it all.

And then the bomb had been dropped. The woman was asking you to adopt that child, to give him a loving and welcoming home, to continue to fill him with attention and love. To give him a family.

--------

"Do you think we could do it?" you hold a cushion in your arms, sitting on the sofa in front of Eric, legs crossed. You had asked for a few days to think about it and well you had a lot to discuss.

"Well we're both in our 30s, we're both going to start a family sooner or later, aren't we?"

"Yeah but... can we make it with a kid that's not ours? Are we mature enough?" Eric reaches out to hit your thigh and get your attention. He can't lie, the proposal came in like a bucket of cold water. The doubts are many, but for his part, he feels that the proposal has connected all the pieces: the worry, the constant desire to know how he was doing and make sure with his own eyes. And he might not show it, leaving the emotional part to you, but in those few days his whole world turned upside down. He doesn't know how to explain it in order to make sense of it, but the focus of everything is that little creature.

"Listen, I have faith in us. We can do it, if that's what you want too, if we are on the same page. It doesn't matter that we didn't conceive him, he will always be ours. We will have plenty of tough challenges ahead of us, but we will do it together. And we will raise him in exactly the same way as all those who will come after him"

"Do you realize you have already included him in an us?" your voice shaking as you follow with your gaze as he rises on his knees before approaching you, being careful not to fall.

"Everything makes sense now (Y/N), everything makes sense. Think about it, you me and him, here. Playing or watching him grow. First steps, first word, the lullabies to put him to sleep. You as his mother-"

"And you as his daddy" you say in a whisper, your eyes shining with emotion.

"I want to have a baby with you (Y/N), I want to have that baby with you"

"I can see that" you can whisper before his lips meet yours, first in an urgent kiss then sweeter and mixed with your tears of joy.

-------

A few days and everything is ready to make your home welcoming for the new member of your family. It's still strange to say that word in relation to you two, soon three. It all sounds like a dream but it's not, it's all true and in a few hours it will be even more so.

"We're going to be terrible parents, we should be asleep right now" you complain by resting your forehead on your legs curled up to your chest in a dramatic way, Eric's laugh coming to your ears right afterwards.

"I'm too excited and worried to sleep, we'll have time for that"

"Oh really?!" you look at him badly while he holds you tight, disguising another giggle in your neck.

"And just for the record, we're gonna make great parents"

"Why? I mean, what makes you say that?" he lifts his head from your shoulder, suddenly more serious.

"(Y/N) I love you and you love me, this seems to me the most important thing to start with" you smile looking ahead of you, "and then the rest will come by itself, nobody prepares you to be a parent and we certainly haven't had nine months to get the idea but we will work hard to be the best possible version of us"

"I'm sure you'll be his favourite" you mumble, caressing his cheek and he grins leaving a kiss on your lips, "Of course, you'll be the one banning us from having fun..."

"I didn't sign up for this"

"Oh darling, you signed up for this and much more"

-------

One last look between you two and a deep breath before you enter that hospital, ready to start the most exciting day of your lives so far.

Your heart is beating like crazy, your legs are shaking as if they were made of jelly, but there is a bright smile on your faces.

Finally that tag is no longer empty, the miracle child has an identity. Now he is a Dier, he has a name and a surname and people who are willing to love him forever by his side. And it's beautiful.

It's like a deja-vu, with the nurse who makes you approach him and asks if you want to pick him up. But this time no one runs away in tears, those are always there but this time it's because the little one is finally in your arms. Now you can let yourself go with your imagination, you can get attached to him, you can hold him and smell his perfume while the little one is already settled and waiting for you to carry him home.

Tag: @emwritesfootball @footballdaydream @alexajanecollins