#this episode irreversibly changed something within me

[tues-dayy]

The one tale they'll tell long after you're gone ⋆｡°✩

(this was meant to be an edit for PIBE s1 as a whole but I got to searching for clips in Space Rocks! and uh... here we are)

[animehouse-moe]

Heavenly Delusion Episode 12: Outside of The Outside

One episode away from the end of the season. It's really something to realize that. One more episode left in this series, for now. And there's still a mountain of questions and curiosities and mysteries and foreshadowing and symbolism. And I'd love to go over it all that rests within this episode.

So, for the uninitiated, a degree of foresight exists within essentially all the children of Takahara academy. An ability to sense the future rather than see it, and interestingly enough this is the first time that it appears with Tokio, as we start off in a dream of hers. I like the unsettling nature of it, how the students are all rather different in disposition to how they usually are, and how expressive the Miina terminal is. More than that though, I'm curious about the organization of the students. Most importantly, Kona isn't there. And alongside that, there's two halves to the students.

Could this be an answer of who all becomes a Hiruko? We know Mimihime is predisposed to it, and we know that Kuku most likely becomes the fish Hiruko we saw early on. Similarly, with the info from the prior episode with the pairings, we know that either Taka or Anzu will become a Hiruko, but considering the side that each appears on, it would seem that it's Taka's fate to turn into a monster.

But within that, we get a potential contradiction as we awake from Tokio's dream. Mimihime and Shiro, and Anzu and Taka are sharing a lunch together talking about Tokio returning finally. Aside from the napkins of Taka and Shiro being a nice detail to reflect their personalities, it's Anzu and Mimihime here who are eating their sandwiches with those deep red tomatoes on them. You can't help but notice that Mimihime's tomatoes are spilling out though, while Anzu's remain intact. Mimihime's are more symbolism for the inability to remain untouched/whole, but I'm unsure of the purpose of Anzu's.

Anyways, that sandwich is used once again rather quickly, and ties in quite well to the overall story of this episode. Takahara academy comes under attack, and the group must run to safety as the entire facility begins to panic. This scene of Mimihime's sandwich being crushed under the debris though paints a pretty clear picture. If Mimihime's bite allowed for no return, the destruction of the sandwich clearly sends an even stronger version of the message. Whether it's to Mimihime becoming a Hiruko, or the destruction and change of her life through this episode, it is an irreversible change that shakes the foundations of her life.

As destruction rains down on Takahara Academy however, we're returned to Kiruko and Maru as the former places the Ibaraki facility in their sights. I really love how they open this sequence with Kiruko pushed to the far right of the frame to show her determination for moving on, while Maru's hand occupies the left as a belt slips from his grasp, showing how he's losing Kiruko to her past.

Following this, we get into the meat and potatoes of the episode, as the pair explore the town that's appeared around the Ibaraki facility. This is all incredibly fresh in my mind as I'd just read volume 5, so I'm only going to pick out the pieces that I think are important in terms of foreshadowing in the like, starting with their "chips", the form of local currency they use.

Simply put, it appears like a puzzle. The notches on the end of the wood all differ, and even the color of the wood itself changes. Similarly, there's not a single repeat color or pattern in the bunch. Immediately, the designs remind me of technology and the sort of branching out we see from Maru in the opening. There's absolutely something greater with these pieces of currency, but I can't find an answer as to how they should be pieced together.

Moving forward from this curiosity though, I love the direction with Kiruko as she finds out that Robin is here in this town. The use of her running scenes that appear from later on in the episode to show her desperation and desire are a great piece, and the fact that Maru isn't in those scenes only adds to how much distance the put between the pair as they return to their room for the evening. Really well done at naturally driving a stake between the duo.

Following this separation, we get to the pieces of Kiruko running that we saw earlier on, as they make her way to the Ibaraki facility. It's a well done emotional moment that captures a lot of Haruki's emotions. I think it's an important distinction they make through it all, because Robin is only shocked to see Kiriko, as the episode uses the shadows to darken Kiruko's hair to make them appear more like Kiriko.

Of course, it wouldn't be Heavenly Delusion if we weren't jumping all over the map, so we return to the Takahara Academy as they panic amongst the destruction. It's neither here nor there, the director gets out of her wheelchair and runs for her life, which is funny, but it's not the takeaway. The scene that separates Kona from Mimihime, Shiro, Anzu, and Taka is.

They really like these balanced and separated shots through the episode. Placing Kona by himself with the younger students that flank him, and the group of four that goes off to investigate the wall, really makes you think about why they were placed like they were. Why the four students appeared in Tokio's dream, but not Kona. Given the ending of the episode, I have a real sinking suspicion about what fate Kona will meet while at the pool.

And just a quick little addition, we see where Maru gets his name from! Sawatari places a circle on the one child's foot so that he can discern which is which, and apparently that ends up sticking.

As quickly as we join Takahara academy, we leave just as the group of four set out to explore the hole in the wall, and return to Kiruko at the Ibaraki facility, where we get some more interesting pieces in regards to our logo. The first appears on what seems to be a plaque denoting this as the "Takahara Academy: Ibaraki Facility", while the second is found on an interesting sheet of paper titled "Natural Wealth Operation". I'm pretty sure people grasp that NWO can also be interpreted as "New World Order", which gives a glimpse into how the Academy operated under prying eyes.

Regardless, both of which sport a different logo to the Kiru Beam. The bird is more upright/vertical in the above images, with the smaller circle being full and lower within the larger circle when compared to the logo that Kiruko and Maru have been carrying around.

This paints an interesting and curious picture. How old is the Ibaraki Facility? Was it being used prior to the collapse/apocalyptic event? Is it possible that the Ibaraki facility was foresaken prior to the current state of the Takahara Academy? I think it's entirely possible, considering what it is that Robin claims to have found within. Considering the "current" standpoint of creating immortal bodies for people to swap into, it's pretty well removed from work with plants and agriculture.

Anyways, the episode begins to reveal Robin's sinister side as we come back to the students that made it outside of the outside, through the hole in the wall they saw. It's a really great piece, and is used well in opposition to Kiruko's situation (side note: I'm not a massive fan of it, so I'm hoping the next episode better contextualizes the purpose for her trauma here). That is, the children have found a way to indescribable freedom, while Kiruko is trapped and locked away due to Robin.

What further ties these two together though is those tomatoes. The ones the children worked so hard to cultivate. Those spotless and pure tomatoes that exist within the academy. That begin to get cut open, to bleed. To irreversibly become damaged and forever changed.

If this episode didn't make it clear, it's all about the convergence of our two timelines, not in terms of chronology or order of events per se, but rather their experience. Bringing each to their climax, finding different things waiting for them and creating stories that serve to oppose one another as we come ever closer to understanding what it is that's going on.

The direction remains stellar, storyboarding is incredible, the original scenes (that I know of) work amazingly well, the animation is top notch, the characters are outstanding. It's all the praise I've ever had for the series, appearing once more like it's nothing but another Saturday. I absolutely can't wait to see how we end this season with the next episode.

[himebushou]

do you think kazuki will beat himself up over rei irreversibly damaging his own arm? rei did do so for their sake after all...

Hi!  So I’m going to have to start by apologising – originally, I was hoping to scoop up some screencaps to underline my thoughts, but it’s a bit late over here so I’ll just go on memory, lol

Long story short: If Kazuki does experience any guilt over Rei’s arm, he internalises that feeling and keeps it very much to himself.  For me, I think it’s more likely that Kazuki just accepts that it was something that Rei felt that he had to do – and, as such, Kazuki supports him 100%.

Long story long: I’ve mentioned before that one of the really special things about Rei and Kazuki’s bond is the sheer level of trust they have in one another, even though they don’t always verbally communicate their hardships.  Kazuki and Rei are two men who, when they devote themselves to a decision, do so with almost terrifying conviction.

With the exception of Episodes 10 and 11, where their world was thrown into disarray because of Misaki, Kyuu-chan and Ogino, Kazuki and Rei, after committing their lives to looking after Miri in Episode 3, never question their choice.  Instead, they both accept their new dynamic as the new status quo and neither of them ever begrudge it (I mean, Kazuki ‘vents’ to Kyuu-chan in Episode 7 about having to do all the housework and there’s some tension in Episode 5 where they try to balance being papas with working, but on the whole, there’s never any ill will about the fact that they’re caring for a tiny person).  We can see, therefore, that Kazuki and Rei are both pretty flexible – Kazuki a bit more so than Rei, but if we consider that Rei, who was ‘like a robot’, signalled that he was Miri’s papa within a month of meeting her, we can appreciate that he’s pretty dang adaptable, too.

That trust is communicated in other ways, too.  Kazuki’s the one who collects their payments from Kyuu-chan (Episode 1).  Kazuki’s the one who keeps an eye on the household finances (Episode 5).  That alone speaks volumes.  They’re living under Rei’s roof.  In Episode 2, when Kyuu-chan asks whether they’re ready to take on a new job, all Kazuki and Rei have to do is briefly nod at one another to know that they’re on the same page.

But here’s the key point: when Kazuki or Rei makes a decision, the other doesn’t question it.  For instance, in Episode 3, when the family embark on a quest to return Miri from whence she came, Rei asks Kazuki whether he’s sure, but he doesn’t argue the point (admittedly, this was pre-Papa Rei).  In Episode 11, when Rei says that he’s going back to the Suwa mansion, Kazuki is momentarily surprised, but expresses his understanding – and then goes off to vent to Kyuu-chan.  Once again, we can see that the pair are forceful with stupid things – such as when Kazuki drags Rei to the daycare interviews in Episode 4, or hauls Rei around the zoo in Episode 6 – but when it comes to big decisions, they respect one another’s autonomy.

The way they respect each other’s boundaries is so, so important.  Rei was raised to have zero autonomy and yes, Kazuki takes liberties, but he doesn’t infringe on Rei’s lifestyle or try to force him to change.  Similarly, Kazuki’s lack of control over a situation led to the biggest losses in his life – it’s understandable, therefore, that he goes to extreme lengths to try and control what’s going on (as Rei notes in Episode 8, Kazuki’s ‘overprotective’).

How does this all relate to Rei’s arm?

In Episodes 10 and 11, Rei and Kazuki have their first real disagreements – because they’re literally fighting for their lives, including the life that they’ve built together with Miri.  They reach a conclusion quite rapidly; Rei expresses what he wants and Kazuki throws his heart into it, but lays down some ground rules.  Having done that, having sworn to Kyuu-chan that they’ll move forward properly and be a family, this time with renewed conviction, I think Kazuki and Rei both knew that the other was prepared to do whatever was necessary to secure that future.

Therefore, when Rei staggers out of the Suwa mansion, bloodied but free, and says, “I did it to myself,” Kazuki… gets it in a heartbeat.  He understands.  He appreciates that Rei did what he had to do.

And, rather than angst over that and wallow in a fugue, or make Rei question whether the sacrifice was worth it… Kazuki knows any sacrifice is acceptable for protecting the life that the trio have together.

Kazuki, therefore, supports his partner 100%.  The same way he always has done.  The same way he always will do.

[jurassicparkpodcast]

Monarch: Legacy Of Monsters – Grounded Storytelling Done Well

(This article has been written after the debut of Episode 6 of Monarch: Legacy of Monsters has debuted, titled ‘The Way Out’. This article contains minor spoilers for all the episodes up until this point)

 Monarch: Legacy Of Monsters is a show which I have been feverishly excited for since it was first announced as an upcoming project set to debut on Apple TV. As a young boy, I had always enjoyed shows which brought secret organisations to the forefront in fantastic worlds – loving both Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D and the presence of U.N.I.T throughout Doctor Who.

 The announcement of this show had me excited for a deep dive into the shady entity known as MONARCH from the films. Would this series expand our understanding of the secret organisation? Would we see more of the Outposts and facilities hinted at in 2014’s Godzilla, and the subsequent Godzilla: King of The Monsters?

Whilst this show has done a fantastic job of exploring who MONARCH are within this universe, it has done something better in my opinion. It has presented us with a grounded, character-driven story within this universe – something I want to reflect on in this piece.

Devastating world events are nothing new. Unfortunately, the world we live in is often shook by devastating events. In films and other creative media, we often see large, grandiose set-pieces which portray this destruction and devastation – but we scarcely ever see the fallout of that havoc. This is where Monarch: Legacy Of Monsters shines.

 This series has done a fantastic job of showing us how this world has changed – with small details like posters, graphics and advertisements tying directly into the proliferation of Titans across the Earth, to larger-scale additions like the missile launchers found in Tokyo in Episode 1, or the FEMA resettlement camp and subsequent quarantine area we see in Episode 5.

 Not only do these visuals have striking resemblances with our understanding of the real world – the latter particularly provoking images of the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina – but they help to give us, as the audience, a tangible sense of how Titans have changed what the everyday looks like within this world. This lays the foundations for the growth of both MONARCH activity and international collaboration to counter the Titans seen in KOTM.

Alongside this enriching and immersive worldbuilding, we also have deep, emotive stories which directly intertwine the characters who are the vessel for these stories with the events and incidents which have shaped the world in which they inhabit.

Seeing direct, first-person trauma which characters have experienced as a direct result of the events we see on the big screen in the Monsterverse cinematic universe really helps to add emotional weight to these films, and allows much greater insight into how substantial the events we see unfolding on the big screen are.

I have loved seeing how these events have informed so many people’s lives in different ways – leading to our characters making difficult and sometimes dangerous decisions based on their own experiences. This is emotive storytelling done well, and I love how it has become a vessel through which we can explore the real impact that battles of titanic proportions have.

All this is to say – Monarch: Legacy of Monsters is grounded storytelling done well. I love the emotional weight we feel across this story so far, and also have enjoyed seeing how the world has been changed by the G-Day forever. This makes the universe feel real and lived in, and adds so much more depth to the events we see unfolding in Gareth Edward’s film.

Don’t get me wrong – this show IS delivering more about MONARCH. We are beginning to peel back the layers of this mysterious organisation in an exciting narrative which still leaves me with more questions than answers, but for me, the true strength of this series comes in how it creates a world which feels irreversibly changed by Titans. 

I hope you have enjoyed this article on a slightly different topic here on The Jurassic Park Podcast. Make sure to check out Brad and I breaking this series down each week on the YouTube channel, and stay tuned for more content in the future!

Written by: Tom Jurassic

[starschism]

oh boy oh boy oh boy Season 1 - the first 2 episodes are reaaaally good at introducing the main threads of the show, theyre never gonna be skipped on a rewatch Also, any scene with Viren in this season, you could feel the tone just mature whenever he appeared, his actions and dialogue were very entertaining to watch Season 2 - look I am an Aaravos fan at heart, so. Any scene with him HAHA but also Ep 7 Fire and Fury in particular. That whole episode is amazing from start to finish. There were also a lot of emotional heartfelt scenes that got to me like Callum accepting Harrow's death and Soren's little speech about wanting Viren to be proud of him. The dream sequence was amazing Season 3 - The Thunderfall ep. I am a sucker for those backstory episodes and everything was paced so well with little screentime from the main characters for once. Every scene in that ep was a BANGER, especially Viren parting the sea of lava. Chills everytime. It's so good. Also a must rewatch episode Season 4 - Predictable but the whole possession sequence. I want to highlight the music because have you HEARD it? You should listen to it it really elevates the whole thing to a 9/10 out of a subpar ish season. Season 5 - FINNEGRINS WAKE. THAT WHOLE EP. Its so tonally different from the rest of the season and what they managed to do and show on screen is still very awe-inspiring. Callum was already a fave but he just SHOT up to the top characters after that. Soren is the real GOAT of that ep though. Even the sunfire elf b plot was still interesting to watch and didn't kill the vibe. The Sea of the Castout reveal with the statues? oh my god. amazing ep ily 5x08 Season 6 - The whole season. Whole season. How they managed to make banger after banger within a season is beyond me. Before the very obvious, I want to talk about the whole scene where Aaravos taunts Sol Regem. I can't describe it in words but on the first watch that scene felt like genuine magic to me. It was amazing. No words. Still amazing on rewatches. And now the obvious: Aaravos and Leola. Watching that ep for the first time has irreversibly changed something within me (for better or for worse who knows). I watched Leola die at 2 am sleep-deprived and on a high from binging the season and nothing else felt real to me. I was so emotionally invested I cried real tears right after. Op I feel you they mean so much to me

Piggybacking off of my post from yesterday, let's show some appreciation to all 6 current seasons of The Dragon Prince by saying our favourite scene(s) from each season!

I'll start:

Season 1 - To be honest, I just liked the whole sequence of the Monnshadow elves infiltrating Katolis castle. The whole sequence was fun and intense and it gets a huge thumbs up from me.

Season 2 - A short but sweet scene, gotta love the moment where Viren and Aarvados 2 v 10 boss fight tagged teamed a ton of guards and yeeting them all into oblivion before Opeli finally decides to show herself and block Viren on all her socials. o7's for the guards though. A for effort. You guys stood no chance.

Season 3 - Can season 3 be my favourite scene in season 3? Because season 3.

Season 4 - The scene where Ezran is making is speech while Claudia and Ibis are fighting each other. The scene is really well done and is accompanied by an amazing ost.

But also the scene where Aaravos just roasts the main cast before he dips. King behavior.

Season 5 - "Don't you see the resemblance? He has my lovely eyes! I'm afraid he gets his voice from your side of the family."

But also the scene where Amaya sacrifices herself to the corrupted Banthers so the others could leave with their lives. When she says "Go!" Legit chills every time. Amaya is the goat. Now she didn't die in the end of course but still.

Season 6 - Well this one is obvious for me on a personal level. It's the Aaravos and Leola backstory with no contest. I will say this, nothing in any media has impacted me like this did. I couldn't sleep for like 3 days because I was thinking about how much the scene impacted me and it still does. I have been a fan of the show for many years but this is what finally got me into the fandom. I will protect Aaravos and Leola with my life. I also think not only is Leola's Autism representation amazing, but having Aaravos as an amazing accepting dad to her is important representation as well. I love them. Let them be happy.

How about you guys? What are your favourite scenes? :D

[jonroxton]

as for clois, the writing choices made little sense to me. why did they wait so long to make them explicitly romantic? i swear they were still writing clana in s8. at times it felt like lois was in love with the blur & not clark & that she really started falling for clark when she realised he was the blur. and that's fine, i don't mind it tbh, but they should have started writing clois in s5-s6 so they can get that aspect out of the way with enough time to write lois being in love with clark

love these. gonna tackle ‘em one at a time.

1. why did they wait so long to make them explicitly romantic? 

It seems to have been a combo of things. there were rules set on lois by the superman offices  irt what she could do, who she could interact with and even how long they had her for a season. this is why you barely saw her with lex or at the planet in her early years, and why clois doesn’t ever move beyond the bantering subtext stage until like season 6. I remember  returns was coming out and the superman offices lifted a few restrictions on how the show could use her, this changed a little when s7 ended and Rosenbaum and Kreuk left and new contracts drawn, but they were more or less constricted in how they could portray clois. always through loopholes basically. the why of this is simply bc the show never wanted to venture too fast into the superman mythos, which is what lois and clois brought them. 

s8-s10 got new show runners and less restrictions, but why still the delay? why have lana return and stop all that s8 build up.  with hindsight and within the context of the complete show, it’s difficult for me to frame her returning arc as anything but horrific for clark/lana, and though I wished they hadn’t beat that dead horse, what they did holds a lot of nuance and pathos for both characters. the writers seem to have wanted complete closure irt to clark with lana before ever pursuing clois seriously. they were never the greatest writers so the result is lost in translation. some see it as forced on them, but I feel this does the whole arc a disservice, since it’s explicit choices down the line that lead to their separation/break up , bottom line is that clark and lana lie to each other and this time the consequences are irreversible, the pattern of the secrets and lies causing all their strife finally broken.  it all seems to move slow or even backwards irt to clois romantically, but the show took clark’s pains over losing lana (again for the billionth time) seriously. going for clois at this point would have indeed been the rebound, the show decided not to and overall is the better for it.

2. this is where the blur comes in

clark is not looking for romance in s8 (neither is lois) and clois is not romantic in that they are in love and together. this has been the running gag since her arrival, with the subtext (if you see it) being that they actually like one another and enjoy each others (biting) company and one day will be married. the fun is in their clashing personalities not being quite who they are destined to be, and we watch it all while clark is passionately in love with his high school sweetheart. this was certainly annoying considering how long it went on, nevertheless, all through both of their romantic entanglements, clark and lois have a strong friendship and camaraderie that works irregardless of whether or not they’re romantically interested (or seen that way). this is the foundation s8 builds on, that they’re good (maybe great) friends and can count on each other. this is actually an anomaly in SV lol, but they’re really the only people the other can depend on completely without fail.

so clark is heart broken yet he’s also for the first time coming into his own. he and lois are in a new environment, more professional, more serious, more superman. the superman/lois/clark triangle and its effectiveness (or lack thereof) has been written about before and by my betters. what I can say as I understand it is: it’s a mistake to differentiate between superman/clark blur/clark as separate people and its not so much that lois falls for one over the other but that she recognizes something in superman that is very much like clark and vice vera and does so at different times. the structure of this narrative is infuriating, but thematically is filled with identity madness. this is always why the triangle ends when lois is conflicted about being in love with both precisely bc they’re so alike. a wider superman running gag is lois lamenting clark and superman are not the same person bc they would be the perfect man. 

superman/blur is the powerful, lonely, kryptonian side of clark and sv clark has never had an easy time connecting with this part of himself (he’s actively fought against it). when he’s speaking to lois as the blur, this is not someone clark has seen before, this serious, introspective, entirely giving lois who wants to listen to him. who doesn’t run away from him and fully accepts his powers. and though she doesn’t know it, she’s connecting with a serious, hidden part of clark. I think another important point about how lois sees clark is that she IS impressed with him because he constantly surpasses her expectations, even without the subtext of being interested in each other, lois does have an appreciation for clark as a do-gooder. 

3. with the foundation of their friendship and history, this leads to a lot of s8 stories where they have to confront their subtext for the first time (that saw episode where they pretend fake married and forced to go through a test. it’s literally WHATS YOUR SUBTEXT?! sv anvil’s for ya). made all the more complex by exes and secret identities.

4. LAST THING I think is important to consider

lois and clark have seen each other go through terrible breakups and have seen each others heartbreak. the last half of s8 very much plays up that notion of not getting involved to not get hurt. hooking them up early on would’ve meant not getting this very careful characterization where lois and clark work hard and seriously on their relationship to make it work. 

5. last last thing: it’s a shame we didn’t see it

I disagree we didn’t see it. s8-s9 was more loophole superman shenanigans but s10 is one glorious clois domestic train! 

[pineapple-split]

Thinking about the major characters deaths in Black Sails and how (upsetting as some are) they happen as natural culminations of the plot and themes for each character. Thinking about how they irreversibly change the course and nature of the story. They change the tone of the show, every time. 

Nothing is the same after Gates is killed - and his death is the culmination of his season long arc of losing faith in Flint, of Flint’s loss of control as he feels his life and allies he took for granted slipping away from him. 

Nothing is the same after Miranda is killed - and her death is the culmination of her journey, one that ends in the rage she has suppressed all her life and finally unleashes. Her rage also lays down the law for what civilization can expect from those it has destroyed (”her word will be the last for this place”). 

Nothing is the same after Vane is killed either, and its not just that he uses his death to kickstart a resistance. It, again, is the culmination of his arc and the themes that are central to his character - freedom, refusal to live under the yolk of any tyrant - and it is evidence of how he has evolved from the man we were first introduced to. I find him a difficult character to like (and I like him a whole lot!), but I do believe his last episode is when he is the best version of himself. 

Eleanor’s death, as well, is the fulfillment of the absolute Greek Tragedy that is her life (and was 100% intentional and planned in some way from the beginning, nothing can convince me otherwise). It is what catapults the whole tail end of the show for Woodes Rogers, Max, and to some degree even Jack. 

(You can make an argument that some side characters like Mr. Scott and Teach fit this bill as well). 

I’m fascinated by how much each character’s ghost lingers over the remainder of the show. And its not just a matter of being referenced by name out of the blue (which tbh I’ve found in other shows I don’t like to be a rather lazy attempt to connect a totally disconnected plot/arc from where it supposedly started). Its that the actual atmosphere is different after they’re gone, but you still see the influences everywhere. You see how different of a man Flint is after Gates, after Miranda. You see this in Jack and Eleanor after Vane (as well as Nassau as a whole), and Woodes and Max after Eleanor (and arguably Madi as well). 

Its a great use of show-don’t-tell, the ways its actually meant to be applied - Flint carries himself differently, speaks differently, looks at people differently (you can almost physically see the weight of them, and Thomas, on his shoulders). Jack is furious and reckless (and finally, in my opinion, beaten down but that’s another discussion), Teach is noticeably heartbroken and Eleanor (as Hannah New excellently put it) has clearly killed something within herself. Woodes Rogers completely snaps, and so does Max in a different way (more like she snaps back into place, whereas Rogers just breaks). 

I know some may disagree, but in my mind there isn’t a single one of these deaths that doesn’t service the story and the surviving characters. They add to the richness of the world, and I will always frantically gesture toward Black Sails whenever character death discourse pops up and scream “this! this is how you do it!”

[vaguely-gestures-to-the-void]

Hindsight: My thoughts on Loki (2021)

Welcome back folks. Read the innocence dying inside me as I accept that this show eats my expectations for lunch and leaves me like it's going to buy milk.

As a side note from what I said in my first review, here’s an interesting article. Apparently I was clowning because the Gobi desert scene was filmed (probably? idk) with the tech from the Mandalorian. I think the studios were the same. Oh well. https://www.atlasofwonders.com/2021/06/loki-filming-locations.html

Episode 4: THE NEXUS EVENT

Pre-title scene

The new perspective of Asgard is incredible.

Oh baby Sylvie, what did they do to you. Also, RAVONNA??

The TVA through a child’s eyes is heartbreaking. The mixed use of shots that were familiar (the feet walking into the TVA) and new (the TVA logo on the floor) convey how though routine, this is an alien experience for Sylvie.

She too wants to help the man being dragged in. Maybe Sylvie was a better person than Loki, the TVA taking her away was what changed it.

We don’t see Casey, but iIt’s the same ‘sign here’ guy. The changing perspective and music really alters the mood created, contrasting the whimsical procedure we followed in episode one.

She hadn’t even said much in her life. They knew how to influence the audience’s emotions, that's for sure. Props to the actress, I felt genuine concern for her before I remembered that she’s acting.

TVA

Ravonna probably underestimated Sylvie as a Loki, a mistake that cost her greatly.

The golden doors.

Ravonna looks tense and a bit fearful.

Scattered throughout the episode are eyes watching. George Orwell’s 1984, anyone?

Big Brother is watching.

Mobius! He’s a good friend to Ravonna, but there’s a power imbalance.

Ravonna is shaken. Her past failure is haunting her.

Someone edit the “What? How?” into “Wow.” It’ll be a service.

Lamentis - 1

Loki’s apology and Sylvie reflecting on her childhood are the conclusion to the previous episode. Faced with death, Loki realises that her goals were hindered by his actions. His apology is the first time he acknowledges he had something to do with it. Sylvie’s offering her emotional vulnerability in the form of memories. Her mind and experiences are her most prized possession because they’re all she has of the person who she was as Loki, her childhood and what she was supposed to be. Her glorious purpose, what really makes a Loki a ‘Loki’ was her life.

THEY TRUST EACH OTHER. THIS WAS WHAT CAUSED THE NEXUS EVENT.

C H A R A C T E R D E V E L O P M E N T.

Ravonna pointed out that Loki will always be a “lying scourge” but they went against this. In any timeline, this could cause a nexus event. They found a middle ground.

“That should be setting off alarms if someone steps on the wrong leaf.” I had a whole idea about entropy and the timeline being an isolated system but I struggled to define an isolated system, and thus I couldn’t use the whole irreversible process causing entropy to grow causing a br- if you have a clue of what I’m going on about, or want to know more, I’ll explain my thoughts. I can understand why this isn’t scientifically accurate and I’m no physicist.

The unbranched timeline means all the things that were speculated - Wanda’s kids, what happened on Saakar, all of it - is gone.

“Any news on C - 20?”I called it! B-15 is having doubts! Her subtle unease building up throughout the ep is perfect!

Most settlements have a street design that can be from space. Sharru doesn’t.

“No. We may lose... ...you’re amazing!” Damn it literally took the end of a world for Loki to change as a person.

“Their smiles. If that isn’t people accepting their deaths I don’t know what is. Man, I just want both of them to be happy.

Please don’t let that be the love theme, it’s so pretty.

The music fading into the TVA theme as they get separated is so sad.

Time Theater 25

Back to square one in terms of trust with these two, but now they have history and hurt feelings too!

Oh Mobius.

Cycles are a part of who Loki is within Norse mythology (from what I know, correct me if I’m wrong). This scene is conflict.

Loki needs both Mobius and Sylvie to incite change. One can empathise whilst the other believes in him.

Mobius believes in Loki like no one else in the TVA. He treats him like an individual, they developed a bond in episode 2, so his disappointment and anger were genuine. This is reflected in their dialogue.

Even when Loki was going through all the Feels in ep 1, he didn’t shout at Mobius. It makes it more heartbreaking when Mobius laughs and dismisses him after the “TVA is lying to you” thing. His laugh was so bitter, it’s like his belief that Loki would be the variant to prove that variants were individuals had been shattered. What Mobius doesn’t realise is that Loki was genuinely trying to warn him. The trust between them was fragile but Mobius needed to come to his own conclusions before he could see that Loki had broken out of the mold the Time Keepers set for him.

“Just kind of an asshole and a bad friend.” Y’all, Mobius doesn’t rise to Loki’s baits. He’s so hurt.

I can’t be the only one that thought Loki was going to be brainwashed when they saw the red door. Turns out it’s just a time cell.

I love Mobius but he makes me feel so conflicted. Oh shit, he’s my problematic fave.

Watching Loki get his ass handed to him by Lady Sif shouldn’t be this funny.

This particular memory reflects what Mobius will talk about later, Loki being abandon by the people around him.

Putting Loki through a memory that was physically and emotionally painful was nasty. If you hear something horrible, over and over especially from a friend it would take a toll on your self-perception. Mobius was hurt by Loki leaving him, he’s getting revenge whilst doing his job and getting into Loki’s head.

Ravonna’s office

Ravonna has hang ups from failing with Sylvie. Who she is and what she knows is going to be interesting.

Heck I just realised are Mobius’ lapels not real? They look fake.

I wonder whether the “mastermind” thing was foreshadowing the next ep.

Am I the only one who thinks this isn’t the first Loki Mobius has dealt with? Could that mean there’s a reunion next ep?!

“Variant pet.” There’s a culture of dehumanising variants within the TVA.

The cuts showing both B-15 and Mobius’ faces reminds me of ep 1, but now there’s a new angle to things. B-15 certainly sees things differently.

Time Theatre 25

Lady Sif would kill with short hair. Or long hair. It’s Lady Sif, she’s a badass.

Loki’s exhale reminds me of how he tenses before a fight.

Notable things about this scene:

Heavy use of metaphors to trade jabs.

The lights are shifting in a consistent pattern, scanning the room almost.

Shots are constantly moving and cutting.

Loki’s speech pattern changes when he’s lying. Nice touch there.

When they start arguing in earnest, the shots are close ups of their faces, not circling around each other.

Loki was at first willing to talk to Mobius if he was treated with respect, the way they engaged in episode 2. He also wants to trust that Mobius won’t kill him. Mobius dismisses him (rightly so, his trust is gone) and Loki’s pride about ‘not working for anyone’ gets in the way rather than listening to each other. Loki’s behaviour is cyclic and his lying about Sylvie affirms Mobius’s understanding that Loki won’t (or maybe can’t) change. I wouldn’t be too surprised if Mobius is a Loki, the man’s uncannily good at reading him. He deduces that Loki and Sylvie have a bond and unsettles Loki to get answers out of him, because he knows that’s the only way he can force Loki to reveal his cards. He definitely wasn’t expecting Loki’s earlier admission to be the truth. What Mobius did was not right, but it sure was effective.

“No. Not partners.” I believe this. They had an understanding, but their goals differ. Maybe just give Sylvie her own show.

“Guess you don’t do partners.” MOBIUS WHY ARE YOU SO BUTT-HURT? Probably to make Loki feel bad ik, but it’s still funny to think Lightning McQueen is salty.

That memory really hurt Loki. He stuttered.

Loki fixates on Sylvie rather than his own freedom. This was the cue to Mobius to start interrogating.

Bruh, the feeling they were experiencing better be friendship.

This made me uncomfortable because I was so sure we weren’t gonna get a romantic subplot that I related the characters to my actual family relationships. Marvel. Why?

The music combined with Mobius’ subtle shift in demeanor from irritated to mockery was very unsettling to me. I never realised how good an actor Owen Wilson was.

“Our interests are aligned.” Once Mobius tells him the truth, Loki does the same. I really hope this is the extent of their relationship. Just let them recognise one another as equals. Please Marvel.

Mobius’ hands twitching, the slight swallow. Yeesh, he certainly doesn’t think Loki’s lying, but he’s not about to accept it.

Loki’s head shake is sad. He knows he can’t convince Mobius.

“That I can respect. I mean the lies you tell yourself.” This was the best writing imo. Loki doesn’t make any final attempts to connive his way out of the situation because telling the truth to someone he’d trusted had failed. He willingly walks into the Time Cell.

Time Theater 47

B-15 being unable to support herself, having to rely on the structures around her to stay upright. This woman deserves so much y’all.

WE NEED HER NAME MARVEL.

You better appreciate her beyond shipping her with Sylvie or istg.

The music is so mournful. It just emphasises how much everything changing is going to hurt not only the main characters. Lives change because of the TVA and the events of this episode, it’s not overlooked by the writing or music.

The poster and the 1984 parallels. Exquisite!

Sylvie not sitting straight made me snort.

Ravonna Renslayer’s office

More Theremin music! This time I’m pretty sure it’s Carnival of the Animals, XIII. Le Cygne (the Swan) : Le carnaval des animaux: No. 12, Le cygne (arr. For theremin and piano) by Clara Rockmore.

Fun fact! Clara Rockmore influenced theremin music and the instrument and was a virtuoso of the instrument. Give her a google, it’s worth it. Also look up Leon Theremin, he was (among other things) a Soviet spy. There’s a great Wiki spiral for anyone there.

Mobius was probably being lined up for a high position in the TVA. Damn.

TemPads are personal, or have different levels of clearance.

Mobius didn’t stop interrogating Ravonna throughout that scene. He knew that she wasn’t telling him the whole truth.

Sleight of hand wasn’t shown how Loki and Sylvie do it, they didn’t use misdirection.

Ravonna knows something is up with Mobius. Maybe he hasn’t been around for long if this is his ‘career case’.

The pacing becomes really fast like in the end of episode 2 as conflicts get resolved. Buckle up comrades.

2050 Roxxcart Disaster

I don’t have much to add, it’s a powerful scene.

They use close ups whenever a truth bombshell is dropped.

The music varies considerably between these scenes, each one has a different tone.

“We’re the same.” With what she knows of B-15, Sylvie knew not to be smug when delivering the news about B-15’s life.

B-15 crying in the rain hurts.

“I looked happy.”

TVA archives, Time Cell, Time Theater 25

The floor opposite Mobius is FE3, above it is 3FG.

Oh Mobius.

C-20 deserved better, I'd love to see her later in the series.

The music goes from mournful to harsh and we’re left in silence when it cuts to the Time Cell.

“You told me to shut up.” Loki can be salty sometimes.

“Do you really think you deserve to be alone?” Mobius is rattled, he wants to unsettle Loki.

The music starts to build somewhere between “...your connection... “ and Loki saying “‘WE?’”

The faint tinkling reminds me of the Avatar (blue people) score.

“How about the word of a friend?” This is Loki’s olive branch. When he admits Loki was right, their trust is tentatively reinstated.

The music is finally back to that chaotic theme we know. I think it’s the TVA’s theme.

“You can be whoever, whatever you wanna be, even someone good. I mean just in case anyone ever told you different.” Mobius corrects what he says in the first ep.

They are friends y’all I’m so sad.

Mobius can lie through his teeth like it’s nobody’s business.

Pruning hurts, Mobius’ face is in agony.

Loki’s tears. GIVE THEM ALL JETSKIS.

Ravonna takes a moment to compose herself.

Time Keepers (the final smackdown)

Why are the last 10 minutes always so insane?

Loki’s eyes only show hurt. I’ll leave.

Ravonna’s so sharp, she instantly catches Sylvie’s wet hair.

All of our expectations from the trailers always get yeeted out of a window because the scenes are never really what we think they are. I get that that should be expected but it’s refreshing that the writing is never what we think it is.

Did anyone else notice the egg timer/infinity sign murals on one of the hallways to the left of Sylvie?

Ravonna is so cold (and yet I’d simp for her).

The M.C. Escher staircases I see you set designers/CGI folks.

B-15 just gets knocked out. They better not kill her for no reason or I riot.

I’m pretty sure that Sylvie ripped off one of Ravonna’s TVA badges (or buttons) when she fought her.

Sylvie’s the better fighter, she’s had to use it more often though.

The elevator doors stay open.

It would be so funny if we get an elevator scene where Sylvie is just dragging Ravonna somewhere.

They really led us on with the Time Keepers, particularly the middle one. I was somewhat convinced there’d be something more to it. I’m interested to see where it goes.

Ep 4 review

I really don’t have much to add with these last two episodes. I’ve definitely come to appreciate that no matter whether you liked the writing of the show or not, it’s never what you expect. Is that a good thing? I guess that that remains to be seen. Nonetheless, I appreciate how much effort went into this series. It’s been a fun romp, I’ll be back with my reviews of the final episodes. I’ll also stop posting Loki content to my blog because the Gods know that my followers don’t read this lol.

I’m just going to survive until the season is over and then hopefully keep my sanity together until the next Marvel content or at least Dr. Strange.

Here's the link to my episode 3 review.

Thank you all for being here, you're wonderful my loves.

[ayatosmlktea]

I saw your post about Crazy Levi can I make a request on when reader and Levi has been dating for more than 3 years but one day they get into a horrible car crash and Levi smashed his head making him bipolar and reader did everything in their power to help him but nothing was working and he had to go to a mental hospital. Angst plz 😂😓

TW: Self-Harm, Mentions of Suicide, Depression, Mania, Bipolar disorder. Please read at your own risk.

𝑵𝒐 𝑯𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒚 𝑬𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈

The accident had changed their lives completely, it just had to happen on one of their worst days. They had been so busy yelling at each other, fighting over something that was now so stupid and insignificant that Y/N hadn’t been focused enough to avoid the oncoming collision due to another driver running a red light. The crash hadn’t really been her fault, but her attention had been so focused on proving Levi wrong that she felt like everything that happened after was because of her petty tantrum. It was the universe’s way of saying that her habit of fighting over nothing was going to come back around to wreak havoc and destruction in its wake.

Y/N had managed to walk away with a minor concussion and a few broken bones but Levi had been less lucky. It had been three weeks since their accident and he still hadn’t woken up. She had cried until all that her body could do was feel like it was collapsing in on itself. Her eyes were constantly bloodshot and to anyone she might have seemed high, but she was preparing for the day the doctors would tell her that Levi would never walk up again. She never left his bedside unless absolutely necessary and even then the nurses would have to drag her out of his room.

“I’ve never prayed in my life and I must seem like the biggest hypocrite ever but if there’s anyone up there listening…please just give him back to me. I swear I’ll never start stupid arguments again just let him wake up” She had lost count of how many nights she’d spent pleading to whatever omnipotent being was listening to her desperate cries for help. All she wanted was to see his beautiful stormy eyes open again so she could apologize and beg for his forgiveness.

Her prayers were answered shortly after, it was a miracle! That’s what the doctors had said, and Y/N would take it. Whatever conditions were attached to him waking up didn’t matter, Levi was finally back.

“There’s been significant damage to his frontal lobe. You might start noticing some changes in his personality, if it gets to a point where he becomes a danger to himself or you give this number a call.” Levi’s primary doctor handed her a small black business card. Sina Institute for Mental Health. The words settled in her stomach uncomfortably. She really wanted to believe that Levi wouldn’t change, maybe with time he’d recover from the trauma. Maybe the doctors were over-exaggerating, Levi was resilient he’d pull through!

               ____________________________________________

“Welcome home Y/N! I missed you so much, you’re not going to leave me are you?” The sing-songy voice that greeted her as she walked through the front door didn’t make her feel welcome at all. Levi’s recovery was going worse than she had ever expected. The man living with her was not someone she recognized at all anymore. She never knew which Levi she was going to come home to and it was starting to make her feel anxious as soon as she started her trek home. On top of their already pricy rent and other costs their expenses had quickly skyrocketed due to their medical bills and Levi’s medication. Levi was on sick leave from his job, still not at a satisfactory level of physical or mental well being to return to work fulltime meaning that Y/N was shouldering the majority of their bills.

“I’m not going to leave you, you know I’m doing overtime at work. I called you earlier to let you know I’d be home late.” Putting her bag on the counter she walked over to the fridge to pour herself a giant glass of wine.

“I was thinking that our place could use some new furniture don’t you think? So I ordered a bunch of stuff online! Isn’t that great?” Y/N had to fight the urge to vomit while her fingers gripped the neck of her glass tighter. The stress of having to juggle all of their bills was already stressing her out to the point of not being able to sleep at night and now Levi’s habit of impulsively maxing out their credit cards was becoming too much.

“Levi we talked about this, you’re not supposed to use the credit cards unless it’s an emergency” Y/N couldn’t hold back the long sigh that left her lips, everything was just becoming so pointless.

“I know but I was cleaning before and it just didn’t feel right.”

“What didn’t feel right?” She asks not really wanting to know the answer.

“I don’t know! I just feel like something big is going to happen soon and we need to clean this dump up” His cheerful words clawed at her gut, Levi was never one to spend money recklessly. While she wasn’t as much of a neat freak as he was; she still tried her best to keep their shared space as clean as possible knowing that his mania was easily triggered by the slightest mess.

“Did you take your medication today?”

“I don’t need them! I feel better, honestly!” Her eyes began to burn with tears of helplessness. She had thought she could help him work through the mess his head was in. Researching for hours on the internet for ways to make it easier on adjusting him to being on his own without throwing himself into a depressive fit.

She’d anonymously called the number the doctor had given her asking for possible diagnosis based on the symptoms Levi displayed within the past three months. While they weren’t able to give her an accurate diagnosis without actually talking to Levi they’d been fairly sure his symptoms were similar to that of Bipolar disorder.

Y/N didn’t want to accept it at first, the Levi she had fallen in love with was stubborn and strong-willed. If anything, he was the one who had held her together. He was always rational and now the tables had been turned, Levi was not Levi. His manic episodes made him jittery and impulsive. His depressive episodes had her on edge constantly, normally she could talk him down from doing something irreversible but it seemed like their luck had finally run out.

                 ____________________________________________

Y/N had come home later than she had intended, it was well past midnight and she knew Levi was going to be up waiting for her to come back. She had tried calling his phone but he wasn’t picking up. She bit her lip nervously, it was never a good thing when he didn’t answer his phone. Her hands were shaking with anxiety when she unlocked the door. The apartment was dark and quiet yet something lurking in the darkness was screaming at her to turn away and walk away. Flicking the lights on the sight of drops of blood trailing from the kitchen into the hallway had the hairs on the back of her neck standing.

“Levi!” She called out not bothering to remove her shoes as she followed the trail leading to their bedroom. Holding her breath she pushed open the door that was already ajar. Levi sat on the edge of their bed, his face covered with his hands and his shoulders trembling slightly.

“Levi?” Cautiously she approached him, her fight or flight response ringing like a siren in her ear to get out. His head shot up at the sound of her frightened voice, eyes red and wet with tears.

“You promised!” His tone was accusing and all too loud for her to feel remotely safe.

“I’m really sorry! I didn’t mean to get home so late! Did you hurt yourself?” Trying to stay calm enough to let him allow her to get close to him was proving to be more difficult as each second ticked by.

“I don’t want to live if you’re going to leave me! Tell me you aren’t going to leave me!” The crimson stains on his shirt and their bedsheets had Y/N on the verge of a panic attack. She couldn’t help him on her own anymore.

“I’m not going to leave you. Please let me help you, you’re bleeding everywhere!” Hysteria was creeping into her throat, every minute that she watched the shell of the man she used to know made her heart pound uncomfortably in her chest.

“I don’t need your help! I don’t need anyone’s help! You think I don’t see the way you look at me? Like I’m some kind of monster? Like a fucking freak!” Tears streamed down her cheeks as he began screaming at her.

“I don’t think you’re a monster” she choked out in between sobs trying to catch her breath. Her hands reached out to him hoping that physical affection would help calm him down. Instead Levi violently shoved her out of his way to lock himself in the bathroom.

“Levi let me help you please!” She shouted banging her fists against the door uncaring of how loud she was being. Her head started to feel light headed as she began to hyperventilate. Through blurry eyes and with shaking fingers she called for an ambulance.

                 ____________________________________________

Levi had screamed that he hated her several times that night before the paramedics had given him a sedative. His voice infiltrated her dreams, every night she’d wake up to the image of his blood on her hands. It had been a few weeks since she’d admitted him to the psych ward, as much as she loved him she couldn’t bring herself to face him. Y/N was consumed by guilt, she’d sit in her car for hours outside the institute before going back home. There wasn’t anything she could say that would make up for her failed attempts at helping him. She had promised Levi that she wouldn’t leave him but it seemed like sometimes promises had to be broken.

Masterlist

[dream-girls-evil]

⭐

Oh boy someone finally took pity and is gonna let me talk about The Lovers XD

This project got...SO much bigger than intended. It started as a funny crack idea I sent to another CAOS blog about Lilith freaking out about Adam and asking Zelda to be her fake girlfriend. And then I actually started thinking about it, and it has now turned into a four-part series. And it’s going to be angsty. Crack and angst, that’s my brand.

The titles for the series, The Lovers, is a reference to the tarot card. It represents a choice to be made in one’s romantic life, one that often has serious consequences and might be irreversible. It’s going to come into play on both a literal and metaphorical level. We never saw Zelda’s third card in the Tarot episode, and with what I’m setting up, The Lovers will be fitting. But it’s also just a theme of this series--Zelda and Lilith both wanting to choose each other and not always being able to, and the consequences there are for their choices.

The titles for each part of the story, after several re-labelings, come from the song Deep End by Birdy. They are 1) Can we just pretend? 2) I wish they’d told me, 3) How do we mend? and 4) If you mean everything. The titles as well as the general vibe of the song itself should give you a really good idea of the tone and content of this fic. There’s a lot of longing and love but also regret. I actually first heard this song on a Zelith video (here), and while my story is very different than the one the video portrays, it’s themes and hopeful ending are really what inspired me to use the lyrics. I also love this song because it’s not strictly and obviously about romantic love, and neither is this fic. It’s going to be a very slow burn to their eventual relationship, because it’s really important to me that they truly bond as friends and get to know each other as people first. Right now, they each need a friend and confidante much more than a romance, and part of what I think gives them so much potential as a couple is how similar and well-suited to each other they are on those basic levels first and foremost.

Everything else below the cut!

Can we just pretend?

Oh, so much to say about this fic. I love fake dating fics, it’s just a hilarious trope with so much potential for awkward and absurd situations. Plus, I know there are several in this fandom, but they’re all AUs, and I think one of the fun parts of setting one in the CAOS universe is that Lilith and Zelda are trying to fool each other just as much as everyone else. Their motives are really layered and at odds, which is great to watch since they are both so good at acting and manipulating, so in the course of trying to play each other they find that they’ve kind of met their match and enjoy the challenge. 

For Zelda, on the surface (and what she tells Lilith), her central motivation for everything is still trying to gain power within the church, and with Blackwood still being her best route to do that, she wants to use this fake relationship to make him jealous. Really, it’s just adding another layer to the pressure she puts on him to make their relationship legitimate. But also, she has reason to want to keep him away for the moment: Leticia. Then, finally, of course, she just wants to stay close to Lilith because she’s suspicious and hopes that if they spend time together, she’ll be able to monitor and limit Lilith’s interactions with Sabrina, plus improve her chances of catching the woman in a lie. 

This part of the series takes place starting with the events of A Midwinter’s Tale and ending a little after The Epiphany, and you’re all in for a wild ride. There’s lots of shenanigans, but also a lot of softness and angst--and that’s where the layered meaning of the title comes in. It is obviously humorous because this is the question Lilith asks Zelda in the beginning--”please pretend to be my girlfriend and help me out”--but as things go on and the two of them start to actually bond, it takes on another context. A fake relationship needs a fake break up, and they both know that once that happens, things are really going to change. Zelda will pursue Blackwood, and Lilith will continue doing whatever the Dark Lord asks her to do with Sabrina. There’s not really going to be room in their lives for this real friendship that’s formed, but they want to pretend they’ll make it work. Whoops, started with crack then gut-punched you with feelings. 

Anyway, there will be bed sharing, Hilda completely misinterpreting things, a whole side plot with Vinegar Tom, awkward dinner dates, temperamental telekinesis, and hide and seek in the mortuary! Yaaay!

I wish they’d told me

So, this part is sad? Sorry. After their fake break up, they are both moving in different directions and really trying to pretend they don’t miss each other as much as they do. And while they are trying to hang on to their friendship, they choose their own plans over each other a lot. This also takes place over the remaining episodes from part 2, so there’s a lot of heavy content in general, and honestly, not much is going to change just because Zelda and Lilith are on better terms.

The thing with this section is that there will be a lot of added context to certain scenes. Blackwood’s passion play will be a direct dig at Lilith, and knowing Zelda was involved with it will make it hurt all the more. Lucifer giving Blackwood His blessing to marry Zelda will be to minimize her influence on Lilith as much as Sabrina. Lilith’s tricks with the tarot cards and her glamour of Edward will be to try and help Zelda as much as for her own ends. 

The only really big thing that changes is that without Adam and his offer of taking Lilith to Tibet, the awful dinner scene will be replaced with Lucifer taunting Lilith about what Zelda is going through, since it lines up with the honeymoon. But don’t expect Lilith to save her, unfortunately, because she’s terrified of what Lucifer would do to both of them if he found out she interfered. Plus, she is conscious that it would bring up a lot of questions if she did, like how she knew Zelda was in trouble, and she’s afraid of that, too. Which brings us to the end of part 2 where, obviously, everyone finds out who Lilith really is, and it’s much worse because they all genuinely care about her and trusted her.

On the bright side though, we will see Lilith’s relationship with Sabrina, and the Fright Club and Spellman family by extension, improve, and how that affects them both. It’s going to get very awkward for her at times listening to Sabrina and Hilda treat her like Zelda’s ex and lament their break up, but they’ll also show her a lot more care and consideration and go to her for help more, which is a very odd experience for Lilith.

How do we mend?

Part 3! Kudos to everyone who’s actually read this far, because I know it’s literally a fucking essay. Anyway, as should be obvious from the title, this largely deals with Zelda and Lilith trying to figure out their feelings for each other in the aftermath of Lucifer’s imprisonment. On the one hand, Lilith’s betrayal is a lot more personal for Zelda. On the other hand, because she knows Lilith a lot better, she realizes a lot more of the truth about Lilith’s relationship to Lucifer and exactly what she went through. So Zelda is dealing with a lot of guilt and confusion about what was real and what could have been done differently and how she actually feels about Lilith after it all. So, again, we have a lot of added context to some of her actions, like deciding to have the coven pray to Lilith.

Meanwhile, Lilith is just lonely. She’s got her crown, but she’s also lost the first people who ever really respected and cared for her, even if they didn’t really know her. She wants to talk to Zelda and explain but doesn’t feel it’s her place. Bring on the yearning. Eventually they will be brought back together though, and that’s the start of this series really diverging from canon, because Lilith’s relationships to everybody is going to change how they handle a lot of events. Plus, I just really want to do a better job with Mary’s plotline and the pagans’ portrayal than canon.

They’ve got a lot to work through and work out, and will finally have to really confront and examine their feelings for each other, especially with some of the very emotional things they go through. They’re very protective of each other, and I love it. Another interesting thing will be when Marie comes on the scene and shows interest in Zelda. I haven’t quite decided how I’m going to play that dynamic yet, but I do know that it’s not going to be one of jealousy or competition. I’m not into that. They’re all mature adults perfectly capable of respecting each other’s boundaries and choices.

If you mean everything

Finally! Part 4 is the least planned out, since it’s so far in the future and so reliant on how the pacing of part 3 works out, which I don’t know yet, and also whatever I take from part 4 of the show, which I don’t know yet. But I do really want the main focus to be on Lilith and Zelda working through their respective traumas in the context of their relationship. They’ve both been through a lot, and they need to learn how to talk about it with each other. And I think that they’ll still be having some trouble coming to terms with the intensity of their feelings, because love isn’t something that’s been abundant in either of their lives really, and it has a way of changing your priorities even if you didn’t plan on it. I do think this part will probably end up being shorter and more like an epilogue. I’m definitely not going with the pregnancy storyline, so Lucifer/Blackwood will probably end up captured at the end of part 3 unless I can think of another way to have them escape or separate them.

WOW this was literally so much, let me know if you made it through! XD

I hope it was somewhat interesting. I didn’t even try not to give any spoilers because I’m me and overshare. But I hope it got everyone excited for this story and inspired to keep bugging me about writing it, because I need it.

[lets-talk-appella]

i’m nobody’s but yours

Chapter 12/25 - Chloe

Summary: Beca is straight as an arrow. 100%, totally, completely straight. Except for one problem that 100%, totally, completely changes everything: Chloe Beale.

Title borrowed from Calum Scott’s “If Our Love Is Wrong.”

Word Count: 4k

Rating: M (for dark themes, homophobia, masturbation, and eventual smut in later chapters)

AO3, FFN, and below.

On the car ride home from what was most definitely the best date of her life, all Chloe can think about it how easy it would be to let herself fall completely, totally, irreversibly in love with Beca Mitchell.

Well. More in love than she already is.

Their time together had been astoundingly perfect. It wasn’t because they’d happened to get lucky with weather and a spectacular sunset; it wasn’t because Beca had thought of everything (except plates and utensils); it wasn’t even because Chloe loves picnics. It was because it was with Beca.

As Beca drives them back home, stereo playing some artist Chloe hasn’t heard of, Chloe watches Beca’s profile, enraptured by the way her lips form the lyrics coming from the radio. Beca’s window is down just a crack and her hair blows in the breeze. It’s rapidly becoming darker outside, but in the glow of the dashboard and with the moonlight outside, Beca looks so beautiful that it makes Chloe’s chest ache.

It’s strange, knowing that she’s allowed to feel like this now. She’s allowed to think about Beca as more than a friend. She’s allowed to touch Beca again, to link their fingers together and have it actually mean more than friendship. She’s allowed to think about holding Beca, kissing her, and being in love with her.

It’s not something she felt she had any right to think about. Until today.

Even before the date, Chloe hadn’t wanted to get her hopes up. Beca had assured her she’s ready to date girls (Chloe still feels bad about saying “no” at first), but Chloe had been prepared for her to change her mind and call the whole thing off.

She’s never been so pleased to have been proven wrong. She could tell Beca was a little on edge at the beginning, nervous around other people and purposely taking her to a quiet area of the park, but the tension had melted away over time. When they’d left, Beca had held her hand all the way back to the car, not seeming to care about the potential of other people seeing them.

Chloe wants to kiss her. More than anything, she wants to kiss her. For years, she’s been dreaming and thinking about what Beca’s lips would taste like – at least until the guilt over those fantasies reappeared.

(If Chloe’s honest with herself, she wants much, much more than to just kiss Beca.)

Still, she wants to go at Beca’s pace. Beca’s comfort with everything they do is her absolute priority. So, she’ll wait. She’ll wait for as long as Beca needs. Even if that means they never do anything more than what they did tonight at the picnic, that’s okay.

Simply holding Beca like that had been bliss. When she held Beca, it was like she’d been holding the world.

Yeah. She’s already completely, totally, irreversibly in love.

Beca pulls into the Bella driveway and parks in Chloe’s usual spot alongside Ashley’s minivan. She rolls up her window, turns off the car, and dangles Chloe’s keys off the tip of her index finger.

“Thanks for letting me drive her to take you on a date,” Beca says with her signature crooked smile.

“Thanks for the date,” Chloe replies, plucking the keys from Beca.

“Anytime.”

“So… you’d want to do it again?”

“Definitely,” Beca answers instantly, then hesitates. “You want to?”

“Totes,” Chloe nods emphatically. “It can be my treat next time.”

Beca grins, looking pleased. “I’d like that.”

They smile at each other, not saying anything. Chloe knows this is the part of the date where people usually kiss, but in this case, she’s not sure what to do.

The same thought seems to have occurred to Beca, too, because her hand rises to rub at the back of her own neck awkwardly at the same time her eyes fall to Chloe’s lips. Chloe’s breath catches in her throat, but she doesn’t move, wanting Beca to dictate the next few minutes.

Which she does, but by clearing her throat and looking away. “Uh, I suppose,” Beca says, resting her hand on the door handle. “We should probably make sure no one’s died or anything in there.”

Hiding her disappointment, Chloe nods quickly and opens her own car door, not wanting Beca to feel any more awkward about the situation than she already seems to. Reaching into the backseat, she grabs the picnic basket and some of the many blankets (is that a flashlight? Beca really was extra prepared) to carry inside the house. On the driver’s side of the car, Beca grabs her own armful of picnic equipment and together, they haul it into the Bella house.

As soon as the front door swings open, Chloe’s nose is assaulted with a torrent of alcohol fumes; their house reeks like a seedy bar. Empty bottles cover the kitchen table, and pineapple, watermelon, and orange rinds fill the garbage can. Rainbow Pride flags have materialized and are strewn haphazardly along the walls, draped over the staircase handrail, and are wrapped around Jessica, Emily, and Flo as blankets for where they sleep on the couch.

“Oh… my… god,” Beca breathes as they walk through the front door. She looks around for a clear space to set down the picnic things but has to settle for nudging aside some bottles to clear a space on the table for it all. Chloe winces at the almost guaranteed stickiness of the table but does the same with the basket in her arms.

Now that they’re in the kitchen, Chloe can hear a pounding bass coming from deep within the house. By the way she can feel the vibrations in her feet, she guesses everyone else still partying must be in the basement.

Sure enough, seconds later, footsteps sound on the stairs and the door to the basement swings open, spewing forth Amy, several additional empty bottles, and the full volume of the throbbing music.

“Oh, hi, Bhloe!” Amy greets them enthusiastically. “Wanna join? There’s a party for the ghosts downstairs.”

“Amy, what the hell did you do to the house?” Beca asks, having to shout over the music.

“Uh. Ummmmmm.”

“You know what?” Beca cuts her off. “I don’t want to know.”

“Suit yourself,” Amy shrugs, setting the empty bottles down on the floor and pulling more vodka out of the kitchen cabinet. She winks theatrically at Chloe, then turns back to head downstairs.

“Mom and Dad are back!” Amy yells as she starts down the stairs, resulting in a chorus of mingled cheers and boos. The door slams behind her, instantly muffling the voices and music.

Beca rolls her eyes and looks at Chloe in exasperation.

“That seems fun,” Chloe can’t resist teasing, making Beca narrow her eyes.

“Don’t even think about it,” she says. “But, uh, do you want to come upstairs? Looks like we’ll have my room to ourselves.”

Chloe pauses at the suggestion. “Uh –”

Beca’s eyes widen in panic. “Oh!” she says, “no, not – I meant for – like Netflix or something, not – no.”

Chloe takes pity on her and cracks a smile. “It’s okay, don’t freak! I knew what you meant,” she assures, trying not to laugh.

Beca glares at her. “Oh my god, don’t do that to me,” she huffs. “I changed my mind. Uninvited.”

“Oh, but –” Chloe puts on her best pout, jutting out her lower lip and making her eyes huge. She knows Beca can never resist when she does that.

They have a staring contest: Chloe, unblinking, trying to look as miserable as possible while Beca stands there, hands firmly on her hips and attempting to hold a poker face. Chloe makes her eyes even wider, pushes her lip out further, and –

“Fine,” Beca grumbles. “Come on, then.”

Chloe grins happily and reaches to intertwine their fingers, a spark traveling up her spine when Beca’s thumb traces over the back of her hand. They go up the stairs together – if a little awkwardly, from the hand-holding – and arrive at Beca’s door. Beca opens it, gesturing Chloe ahead of her grandly, and Chloe takes the last few steps up and into the attic bedroom, hearing Beca close the door and follow.

Up here, they can’t hear any sounds of the rave happening in their basement. Chloe glances around, smiling a little at the mess of laptop and mixing equipment strewn across Beca’s desk. Beca’s side of the room is neater than Amy’s, but not by a lot, with jeans and Converse littering the floor. The bed is made, though, and when Chloe sits on the edge of it, she can smell the light floral scent of Beca’s perfume.

“So, what do you want to watch?” she asks when Beca grabs her laptop from the desk.

“Uh, up to you,” Beca says, opening up the laptop and booting it up with a whir as she sits beside Chloe on the bed.

“Uh, maybe…” Chloe thinks, then asks, “Have you seen Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt yet?”

“Nope,” Beca replies, settling back against her pillow, propped up against the headboard. “Comedy?”

“Yeah,” Chloe replies, joining her against the headboard so their legs stretch out over Beca’s comforter. “I think you’ll like it.”

“I’ll trust you,” Beca grins at her sideways, then starts the show.

Chloe tries to focus on the episode, but she’s already seen it so she knows what’s going to happen, and her attention span isn’t helped at all by the way that – because Beca’s bed is kind of small – Beca’s side is pressed against hers. And, really, it would be way more comfortable if she could put her arm over Beca’s shoulders, but she’s not sure they’re there yet even though she can feel every breath Beca takes against her side.

And yet. Despite the sharp awareness of Beca’s proximity, Chloe is struck by how normal this feels. It could be any other night with Beca, but now with the barest electric undercurrent running between them. Apart from that, it’s simply her and Beca, Beca and her, like always.

With one tiny difference.

When Chloe looks sideways, she meets the determined deep blue of Beca’s eyes.

“I could hear you thinking,” Beca whispers.

Chloe doesn’t – can’t – reply. Beca is so close that all it would take is just a fraction of movement from both of them. A lean, a tilt, and they’d be there, kissing.

Something settles deep within her chest.

“Chlo…”

Everything else in the world disappears. Every past worry, fear, and insecurity melts into nothing as Chloe looks at Beca and Beca looks at Chloe. The bedroom fades away around them, until even the laptop cradled on Beca’s legs, still playing the episode, ceases to exist.

Beca’s eyes flick down to her lips, and stay there.

Chloe’s eyes drop, too.

Beca’s tongue pokes out, just briefly, to soften her own lips.

Chloe’s hands twitch.

She’s not sure who leans forward first. It doesn’t really matter, she supposes. All that matters is that they’re getting closer and closer, and now she can feel Beca’s breath ghosting over her face, and they’re so, so close to touching.

Chloe closes her eyes.

Bang!

The door to the bedroom is flung open with enough force to shake the walls. Beca jerks back so violently it looks like she’s received an electric shock; she almost falls off the bed, but Chloe catches her arm at the same time Beca grabs her laptop protectively, and crisis is averted.

Footsteps on the stairs and a loud, drunken, “Beca, have you seen my orange boots? I have to teach Legacy something,” announces Amy’s arrival into the room, as if the thundering of the door opening hadn’t.

“Um, no, I –” Beca’s flustered, her face pink, her eyes darting wildly around the room without once landing on Chloe.

Maybe that’s okay, Chloe thinks. She wouldn’t want Beca to see the disappointment that’s probably clear in her eyes.

Amy makes her way fully into the room, eyes searching the floor, not even looking over at Beca’s side of the room. Hastily, Beca and Chloe reposition themselves so they’re sitting several inches apart on the bed, laptop between them, and legs dangling over the sides.

Nope, nothing to see here, Chloe thinks wildly as she does her best to rearrange her expression to one of Platonic Friendship rather than mild sexual frustration.

“Hm, I really need – oh! There they are!” Amy crows in triumph, reaching behind her bed to extract the pair of violently orange knee-high boots Chloe has only ever seen her wear at the disco-themed bar downtown.

“Great,” Beca deadpans. “I’m glad you found them.”

Amy glances over at the tone, her expression clearing when her eyes focus on Chloe.

“Oh, hi, Chloe, didn’t see you in here,” Amy says, then fixes them with a serious stare. “You two lovebirds stay off my bed, yeah?”

“Hi, Amy,” Chloe greets her over the sound of Beca’s groan.

“Listen, Beca,” Amy continues, “you remember the time you bet you could twerk better than me?”

“Uh –”

“You were drunk,” Amy reminds her bluntly.  “Well, now’s the time to prove it. Come on, Short Stuff, there’s no getting out of this one.”

Beca looks to Chloe desperately, and Chloe knows she shouldn’t find this funny – they’d just been interrupted before what could have been the best moment of her life – but the whole thing is so completely ridiculous that she can’t stop her lips from twitching in amusement.

“It’s okay,” she assures Beca, “I should call my parents, anyway. It’s been a while.” Besides, if she’s lucky, someone (probably Stacie) will obtain video evidence of Amy and Beca twerking for her to laugh at later.

On the other side of the room, Amy has resumed digging behind her bed, possibly in search of other neon clothing.

“Oh, right,” Beca says quietly, looking down at her laptop between them. “Are you going to tell your parents about…” she trails off and looks up, gesturing between them.

“I – if that’s okay with you?” Chloe asks uncertainty. It hadn’t occurred to her to not tell her parents about going on the date. “I mean, they – well, my mom – already kind of knows… how I feel about you?”

Beca blinks, her eyebrows raising. “She does?”

“Don’t sound so amazed,” Chloe teases, knocking her shoulder into Beca. “Yeah, I told her about it. It’s been... a while,” she smiles, trying to soften it.

“And… she – and your dad – they’re okay with it? With us?”

Chloe’s heart stutters over the word “us,” but she tries to play it cool.

“They’re more than okay with us,” she replies sincerely. “They love you, and they want me to be happy. And,” Chloe leans forward, a thrill shooting down her spine when Beca’s eyes again drop to her lips. “They know you make me happy.”

She pulls back to a more appropriate distance for having Amy in the room, and watches Beca’s expression turn pleased.

Beca looks pleased, if a little embarrassed. “Well,” she huffs. “I’m only sorry it took this long.”

“Oh, no, Bec, no! I didn’t mean –” Chloe frowns at the change in mood. With a glance at Amy (who has reemerged from behind the bed and is making for the stairs), she says softly, “I wouldn’t change a thing. Really. It’s okay. Don’t ever feel bad about it.”

Beca searches her face almost cautiously. “Really?”

“Yes.”

Beca’s expression relaxes gradually, a small smile eventually breaking out to erase the tension. Chloe breathes easier, relieved the awkwardness had passed. She can’t stop herself from glancing again at Beca’s lips.

Then, Amy causes a slight distraction by falling down the stairs noisily.

“Amy!” Beca and Chloe shriek simultaneously, shooting up from the bed to see if she’s okay.

Luckily, the flight of stairs into the bedroom is very short; before either of them can get down to her, Amy pops up holding her orange boots and what appear to be Moon Shoes.

“Crushed it,” she says proudly.

“Oh my god,” Beca stares. “What in the actual hell –”

“That’s the spirit!” Amy interrupts. “Let’s go, Twerk Girl!”

And with that, she turns and heads to the second-floor landing. Beca turns to Chloe in exasperated amazement, but Chloe can tell she’s trying to hold back a laugh.

“Your drunken bet is calling you,” Chloe teases, tucking an errant strand of Beca’s hair behind her ear before starting down the stairs. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I – okay. Thanks for the date!” Beca calls as Chloe makes her way down the stairs.

Chloe waves over her shoulder and smiles, already thinking of how excited her mom is going to be when she hears the news.

***************

“Jesse! Where is Beca? I thought she was gonna be with you tonight?”

She hates speaking to him. She really, truly does. He’s so annoying, with his huge, dumb puppy eyes and overeager smile. She hates that Beca chose that over her, and hates that every time she sees him, she’s reminded anew that he gets to hold Beca, gets to kiss and touch her.

He gets to sleep with her.

She hates speaking to him because she’s forced to acknowledge that he’s real and present and Beca chose him instead of her.

She knows (or at least, imagines) that he can tell. She’s seen the way he watches her when she’s with Beca, his eyes full of mistrust. She always touches Beca more then, pulls her closer, does anything she can to keep Beca’s attention on her instead of on the idiot she’s dating.

In her darkest moments, she despises Beca for it, but then that fades quickly. She could never stay angry at Beca.

“I thought she was with you?” Jesse asks, confused.

Christ, he doesn’t even know where his girlfriend is, or who she’s with. God, she’d love for Beca to cheat on him, just once, so he knows what it feels like to be second place in Beca’s heart. But Beca would never, and in the next instant, Chloe is disgusted with herself for thinking like that, and for hoping for their relationship to be torn apart in such a way.

God, she’s the worst best friend.

“I thought she was with you?” Chloe asks, equally confused.

The worst part about it is that she sees aspects of herself in Jesse. They’re so similar. It’s annoying, and it makes her cringe, but Chloe knows that in a lot of ways, she is just like him. Not in appearance, but in personality: bubbly, enthusiastic, lover of a cappella, and hopelessly in love with Beca Mitchell.

There are really only two differences between them.

One: Jesse tries to change Beca, while Chloe sees she’s perfect as is.

Two: Jesse gets to date Beca, while Chloe does not.

They’re more similar than they are different, but Beca could only choose one of them.

Chloe lost.

***************

The phone rings three times before her mom answers slightly breathlessly. “Hello? Hi, sweetie, how’s it going?”

“Uh – were you running?”

“What? Oh, no, actually, your father wanted to try some of that – Eric, what was it?” Cheryl calls into the house.

“Pilates yoga!” Chloe’s dad’s voice calls clearly from the background.

“Pilates yoga,” Cheryl repeats.

“Right,” Chloe replies, smiling at the ceiling from where she sprawls on her bed.

“Oh, while I’m thinking of it,” Cheryl says abruptly, “we should set up a time to come get some of your things from the house.”

“My things? We don’t move out until August.”

“I know that, but it’ll be better to take some small stuff now and save room in the car later.”

“Okay,” Chloe agrees, unease at the looming deadline churning her insides.

“Um, so, how’ve you been?” Cheryl changes the subject, maybe sensing the shift in mood. “I saw the news this morning. It’s fantastic!”

It takes Chloe a second; the passage of the marriage equality law seems like years ago rather than hours.

“Oh, yeah, thanks!” she says happily, a fresh wave of excitement tingling through her chest at the memory. “It’s pretty cool.”

By the pause that follows, Chloe can tell that her mom expects her to say more about it, but Chloe doesn’t; she really just wants to talk about Beca.

“You okay, honey?” Cheryl asks shrewdly. “Normally, you’d be over the moon over something like this.”

Chloe draws her lower lip between her teeth, trying to contain her excitement enough to get the story out. She rolls over to her stomach, resting on her elbows.

“More than okay, Mom. It’s… the best thing happened!”

“What?”

“Beca asked me on a date!”

Chloe holds her breath, waiting for her mom to say something, like maybe congratulate her or start asking a million questions. Instead, she’s met with silence.

Then more silence.

Until –

The volume and pitch of the noise coming from her phone is unprecedented. It makes Chloe jerk it away from her ear, trying desperately to protect herself from hearing loss brought on by her mother’s deafening squeal of excitement.

“She did?! Oh my god! Chloe, tell me everything right now! When? How? What are you going to do on this date? Are you sure it’s a date? I know you said she wasn’t straight anymore, but are you sure? I don’t want to pry but –”

“Woah, Mom, slow down for a sec!” Chloe cuts her off with a laugh. “Hang on!”

On the other end, Cheryl chuckles and takes a quick breath. “Sorry, but I’m really excited for you! Eric, come here! Chloe, honey, just wait for your dad, he’ll want to hear, too.”

Chloe rolls her eyes playfully, waiting until she hears her dad’s voice. There’s movement on the line, and Cheryl’s voice calls back, sounding further away.

“You’re on speaker! So, you wanna tell us about it?”

With a wide smile, Chloe tells her parents about going to the gay bar (leaving out the girls who’d hit on Beca), about Beca asking her on a date once they were outside, how she’d originally said no (“Oh, honey…” Cheryl sighs), but then had said yes after listening to what Beca had to say. And, yes, she assures her mom, Beca is definitely something other than straight and wants to date women.

“Okay, so when will this date be?” Eric asks once Chloe has explained everything.

“Well, it already… kind of... happened?” Chloe replies, knowing her parents are going to want more or less a play-by-play of the picnic.

“Why am I the last to know these things?!” Cheryl groans. “Spill!”

Clearing her throat, Chloe launches into another explanation, this time giving out the details on the sort of spur-of-the-moment picnic, the food, missing plates, and the sunset. She skirts over what it had felt like to hold Beca in her arms, because she wants that memory to be hers, and hers alone.

“... and then, we went back home and watched some Netflix in her room together.”

“That sounds like a wonderful date, honey. Very you.”

Yeah,” Chloe sighs happily. “She gets me.”

Eric snorts. “Even if she forgot the plates.”

“Yeah, well. That part is very Beca.”

“Careful, there. You’re sounding pretty smitten,” Cheryl warns.

“What are you, a hundred years old?” Chloe laughs, trying to deflect. If her mom knew exactly how “smitten” she is after just one date, their talk would quickly take a more serious turn.

“I’m just saying, sweetie. It’s the early stages. Don’t get ahead of yourself.”

“I know. But Beca is – always has been – different. You know that. I… it would be so easy to just…”

Chloe stops her rambling, wincing at giving herself away.

“It sounds like it,” her mom says. “But, hon, keep in mind that Beca’s still a little new to this. And... I know we always supported you and never had to really talk about liking girls, but from what you’ve told me, I don’t think Beca had quite that same experience growing up.”

Cheryl pauses, as if collecting her thoughts, then continues, “If she hasn’t told her family yet, well, that’s something you two are going to have to talk about sooner or later, so… be prepared for that.”

“And other challenges,” Eric adds.

Chloe doesn’t know quite what to say to that. It catches her off guard; she hasn’t thought about that yet, too focused on how perfect their evening had been.

“Anyway. Enough of that,” Cheryl says, tone lightening. “The real question is… what are you going to do for the next date?”

Chloe smiles broadly into the phone, shoving her worries about Beca’s family away. That’s a different problem for a different day.

“I already have a plan…”

[zetalial]

FMA 03: Episode 28. All is one, one is all.

Hey, here’s just another one of these episode analysis things I’m apparently addicted to. This one was kind of giving me trouble. Maybe because it’s already very good at getting its points across? Oh well. 

This is another episode that explores the Elrics backstory. So yeah, more talking about Ed and Al’s characters. It’s a pretty brutal experience, honestly, and demonstrates that Izumi is a wise teacher (but would probably make a terrible mother given these harsh methods.)

Whatever the case, the Elrics are left alone on an uninhabited island. They have to work out what Teacher means by “One is all, all is one.” She means for them to learn about the flow of life.

At first, Ed and Al pretty arrogant and energetic, determined to beat this puzzle and overcome the challenge. But over the course of the episode we see their focus narrow to just trying to survive. They soon no longer care about winning. All their lofty goals are irrelevant to their present situation.

They’re instead learning to do what is necessary to survive.

Early on, they catch a rabbit in a trap. But then they realise they have to kill it to eat it and neither of them have the nerve to do so despite their growing hunger. Then a fox steals their rabbit to feed its young. It gives Ed an awful bite. Ed’s furious but then his expression softens as he realises that the fox mother is caring for its two children.

Meanwhile, they’ve also got to contend with the masked man. It’s Mason in disguise but they don’t know that. He repeatedly attacks them, steals their food and make survival generally harder. They learn to tread carefully and stay alert.

And after about two weeks they’re questioning what they’re even doing here. They barely remember that there’s a greater reason for being here. They’re eating anything they can find, including rats, snakes and poisonous mushrooms.

Ed seems to become particularly depressed. Al is frustrated and desperate as well of course, but he’s always just a touch more optimistic. Though he does at one point confess how much he just wants to go back home. And in that moment where Ed asks why they’re here, Al doesn’t have an answer either. So Al’s not doing all that much better.

 But Ed’s state of mind is a bit worse. See this, where Ed’s grimly thinking about death with really deadened eyes:

This is all leading up to this moment where the two of them are fighting the masked man. Ed takes a blow to the stomach and lies on the ground. His brother is still fighting and can be heard taking hits and Ed doesn’t even move out of concern for him - it’s like he’s given up. His eyes have this dead look to them.

That’s when Ed sees this dead cicada and even tinier microorganisms harvesting the little insect’s corpse. That when he comes to the realisation that it’s death is enabling other things to live, that life works in this flow. The natural flow of the world is this cycle of life and death. And he applies this idea to himself and his own situation.

(There’s also this very brief image of his mother appearing once more in his thoughts.) 

With newfound determination, Ed picks up his knife and faces the masked man. The message is clear: he’s willing to fight with lethal force to protect his brother. With that, the masked man simply drops Alphonse and finally leaves them alone. He doesn’t bother them again. (And Ed finally gives a brief relieved smile.)

So Ed’s starting to get what Izumi meant by All is one, one is all. With this understanding comes a greater appreciation for the value of life and a understanding of the world as a whole.

As he explains his thoughts to Al, there’s loads of beautiful imagery of wildlife. Actually, this whole episode has lots of nice visuals, I think. Ed talks about death again, this time far less depressed about it. He says that in their subjective mindset, people will be sad and they won’t have achieved anything but looking at their lives as part of a bigger picture, the world would just keep on going as if nothing had happened while their bodies would decompose into their base elements. (Al lists the elements that make up a human body here.) 

They realise that they’re only tiny individuals in a greater world where their elements that make them up will keep on circulating through the system long after they’re dead. But without all the individual parts that make it up, the ‘All’ couldn’t exist.

This time, when faced with a rabbit, Ed’s able to kill it. (Foreshadowing how Ed could be pushed to taking a life as the Greed arc is coming up).

And they link it to alchemy. Alchemists like them work by recognising that flow of the world and working within it - to understand, decompose and recreate.  

And that pretty much concludes the flashback portion of this episode. Izumi’s impressed with what they’ve learned and agrees to teach them.

In the present, Ed confesses that while they’d learned that much, they hadn’t accepted that life can only flow in one direction. That death is irreversible. They understand it better now as he says how it was a mistake to try and bring their mum back. Coming back here was to give them a chance to reflect on that. 

Despite confessing that much, they both stay firm in their choice to continue seeking a way to fix themselves even it means potentially making the same mistakes. This time, they’re far more aware of the costs and dangers.

The storytelling in this episode is pretty nice. It does a bunch of cuts between the past and the present which isn’t something I want all the time but it works here. Seeing how capable the Elric brother are shows how much they’ve grown and changed from when they were kids. It also prevents the episode from being too dark as you get to see the two of them laughing and fondly reminiscing about their terrifying experience on the island as kids. 

(This is also the episode which introduces Wrath. He’s observing them as they wander about. Al even somehow mistakes him for Ed at one point.  He doesn’t reveal himself until the end, giving a hook for the next episode.)

So yeah, all in all, one of my favourite episodes. Just wanted to talk mostly about the development of young Ed and Al throughout this episode though I feel like I just ended up summarising the story. Oh well.

[to-read-is-to-breathe]

Songs of 2019 (Day 45)

February 14, 2019

It wouldn't be Valentine's Day if I didn't talk about what is potentially my favorite Love Song of All Time: I Shall Believe by Sheryl Crow

If I'm going to talk about this song, I have to talk about a show that is very near and dear to my heart: Roswell. Not the reboot (though I am ridiculously into that, too) but the original. In the original series, the second season has an episode centered around time travel; specifically about a future Max coming back to our present Liz, and telling her that she and present Max have to permanently break up in order to save the world. It sounds dramatic, right? It is. I won't lie.

But it was done so well. Like, I can't catch my breath, this can only end badly, the acting is phenomenal, kind of well. We are forced to watch an episode that explains to us everything that could have been. Liz and Max would have overcome every obstacle in their way because their love was true. They would have stood by each other forever. They would have eloped in Vegas with the people they loved most by their sides--and on their wedding night, they would have danced to this song.

On top of that we are forced to watch Liz break Max's heart over and over again--despite the fact that his love for her clearly runs incredibly deep. And then we are forced to watch the moment he lets go...and begins to move on. As if that doesn't suck enough, we are then forced to watch future Max disappear. But it isn't sudden--he doesn't just pop out of existence.

Oh no.

Instead Liz asks him to dance; to give her the wedding dance she will now never get to have. This song begins to play in the back. As Sheryl sings, "Never again would I turn away from you," Future Max spins Liz.

And when she comes back around...

He's gone.

Just like that. The future she could have had, the love she could have known--it's all gone. This song continues to play as a star shoots across the sky. The screen goes dark.

Guys. Pals. Fellow hopeless romantics. I STILL cry about this. It is one of my favorite episodes of anything ever. It was an incredible combination of moving character work, incredible acting, world-inducing cinematography, and gentle, tone-compelling music to score a poignant moment. It was an overlapping of art that made this one story-line--an off-shoot of everything else that was going on in the season--feel like the most important event thus far. It became the moment that changed everything, and despite it's simplicity, the episode holds a remarkable gravity. And it managed to irreversibly stitch this song into my heart.

I can't hear this song without thinking of that moment. I can't see Max and Liz without thinking of this song. And I cannot experience either of those things without remembering the awe-effectuating weight of that moment in my life. It was the kind of emotional arc I dream of being able to create in my own work; it was the kind of heartbreak that meant something--because you have to truly love to feel so much pain.

So Sheryl's gentle croon, the soft-spoken story within the chords of I Shall Believe--it changed me. It became its own pivotal moment in my life. And isn't that what the best art does?

It makes you feel things you've never felt, alters the way you look at the world, and transforms you forever. Without this song I would not be who I am. And it will always hold a special place in my heart.

[yourspacedk]

enrico cappelletto

Many people view a kennel or crate from a person's perspective - a cage, or prison. Yet, if it's properly introduced, a dog crate provides a way of security for your pet; an area of her own. At an equivalent time, a dog that's comfortable during a crate is simpler to housebreak and travels well. enrico cappelletto It is important to urge the proper size crate for your dog while she may be a puppy. it's best to urge a crate which will fit her as an adult - she'll quickly grow into it! Ideally, the crate should be large enough to permit an adult dog to face up and switch around, with about four inches of additional space long . Its important that you simply determine how large your puppy could grow to - there are many books or websites which will offer you this information. Very young puppies shouldn't be crated for any length of your time as they're going to not be house trained and can soil the crate. If your puppy messes in his crate don't punish him. Simply wash out the crate employing a pet odor neutralizer. The odor of ammonia-based products resembles urine and your dog will plan to urinate within the same spot again.You will got to teach your dog that the crate is hers. Some dogs take longer than others to "catch on" to their special place. this is often not a sign that the dog doesn't just like the crate, just a results of unique personalities each dog has. Training your dog to use the crate requires variety of small steps, also as patience. The kennel should be related to pleasant moments. If you force your dog into the crate or get angry at her, she is going to see the crate as a nasty thing. Spend time together with your dog while she is inside in order that your dog doesn't associate being within the crate with being left alone or abandoned. To introduce the crate to your dog, sit beside it with treats in your hand and call her to you. When she involves you, give her a treat and much of verbal praise during a happy voice. Place a treat at the doorway of the crate, and after she takes it, toss one into the crate. whenever you place a treat inside, provides a unique command so she begins to associate the behavior with the command. this may help your dog to associate positively with the crate.

Read more End the session before the dog loses interest. Once your dog enters the crate easily, begin employing a ball or toy - if you retain using food your dog may develop behavior problems. Crates and kennels are comforting for dogs and excellent tools for housebreaking, but they ought to be used carefully. Puppies will got to be taken out of the kennel during the night to alleviate themselves. Never leave any dog confined to a crate for quite 6 hours - they're going to get bored and may develop behavior problems as a result. Never use the crate as a punishment, as you'll be unable to use it once you got to - your puppy should be happy to travel into the crate at any time. Making use of those simple tips and suggestions will make your life, and therefore the lifetime of your puppy, much easier within the future. Best Pet Health Information [http://www.Best-Pet-Health.info] may be a resource which can assist you find infomation, hints and tips to stay your dog happy and healthy. Dog News Center [http://www.dognewscenter.com] publishes news and articles about dogs and puppies. I get weird, morbid pleasure sometimes out of lecture my husband about cheating. Affairs. Scandals. i can not help but bring it up while casually scanning his eyes for a glimmer of guilt, trying to find a particular reddening round the collar, trying to catch the whiff of women's perfume when he leans in to hug me and promises he'd never, ever forsake me for anyone else.

Despite continued vigilance, I've yet to seek out any clues that my husband is joking . The deepest recesses of his closet hold only lint balls. The messages on his voice mail at work are dull and mundane. The mastercard statement contains no mysterious charges, besides the revelation that Hubs eats much more barbeque for lunch than he admits to. Okay, okay, I are often a snoop- but only after I've watched an episode of Cheaters and gotten tears in my eyes as Two-Toned Tammy screams "We got a baby together! We got a baby together! How could you are doing this to me!" at her philandering boyfriend-of-six-years after catching him within the Popeye's parking zone together with her roommate/sister/best friend. I'm not alone in my snooping, either. Hubs likes to point out up within the middle of the day sometimes, unannounced, just to "see what I'm up to." once I went out of town with the youngsters a couple of months ago, I returned home to get that he'd skilled my entire bathroom cabinet, checking out God-knows-what. He's also admitted to Googling my ex-boyfriends. I find this type of thing flattering. I've told Hubs i do not ever need a boyfriend. But I've admitted that i might adore a lover . My admirer would be quite handsome, enough to offer my husband pause, but he'd even be an advocate of code of conduct and would have a "look-but-don't-touch-EVER-not-even-when-you're-both-a-little-drunk-and-there's-no-one-around" quite sensibility. Instead, my admirer would content himself with sending me flowers (Casablanca lilies) and boxes of candy (Godiva) and books of poems (Neruda), with notes that say things like, "When I saw you in carpool this morning with the sun in your hair, i noticed I had never seen anyone or anything more beautiful." Or "You fold a contour sheet with a grace and perfection that others can only dream of. many thanks for being you." or maybe "You are the most well liked soccer mom this side of the Mississippi. Ah-OOO-gah!" I'm not particular. it is the thought that counts.

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Italian psychologist in Denmark psychologist in Denmark My husband won't like all the eye my admirer would give me, but he'd need to tolerate it because he has many admirers of his own. the character of his job is such people are constantly arising to him and telling him how great he's . He likes to tell me these stories, to which I counter with something like, "Oh an equivalent thing happened to me today. i used to be at the supermarket and this total stranger walked up and said, 'I just love your ability to save lots of a minimum of 25% on your grocery bill whenever you shop!'" Hubs generally snorts derisively while I quietly seethe. But my admirer would put a stop to the present quite behavior. "Hubs," he'd say, taking my husband's hand and shaking it heartily, "I hope you recognize you are a very lucky man." Hubs would look slightly uneasy as he noted the firm handshake and type eyes of my admirer. That night, Hubs would happen with an outsized bouquet of his own and a suggestion of dinner and dancing. Or dinner and drinking, which is more our style. "Admirer," I'd say as he called me on the phone for the fifth time during a week, just to listen to the charming lilt of my voice, "I really can't accept your gifts anymore. you have been simply wonderful, but between you and me, i feel Hubs is getting a touch jealous." "Lucinda," he'd whisper with just the proper blend of regret and compassion, "I are going to be content to admire you from afar, if that is what it takes to form your life easier. But I even have devoted my life to you- and therefore the evidence of which will be impossible for either of you to ignore." Regretfully, we'd both hang up the phone. After weeks of not hearing from my Admirer, my husband would silently bring me a replica of the Living section of the newspaper. "Local Artist Receives International Recognition for "Lucinda" Series", the headline would read. Pictured beside his oil painting called "Lucinda with the Sun in Her Hair" would be my Admirer, his searing, questioning eyes burning through the newsprint. A short time later, I'd be named Parent Magazine's Mother of the Year supported an anonymous submission. Hubs would attempt to pretend he mailed within the entry, but the editor's admission that my "ability to artfully manage the lives of my husband and three children while radiating a tremendous inner calm and stunning the locals with my otherworldly beauty" set me aside from the opposite entrants would clue me in on who was really liable for my resulting photo session and free trip to ny . By the top of that year, "Lucinda (Love of My Life)" would top the Adult Contemporary music chart. I'd join the super exclusive ranks of world famous muses. Occasionally, Vogue or life style would do short pieces on me, despite my wish to stay anonymous. the sole photos they'd be ready to secure would be of me rushing between my minivan and my front entrance , using one arm to balance Baby and a bag of soccer balls and holding up the opposite ahead of my oversized-sunglasses-and Pucci scarf-covered face. Yet readers would note the winsomeness in my frown, the hurried spring in my step. Soon, I'd have Admirers exposure at my door from all parts of the world . So you see, what's an affair really besides some hurried bonking and tons of postcoital guilt? a lover is basically the thanks to go. If you recognize of any good candidates, I'd be happy to review their qualifications... I'm a missionary spreading the great news that strength training--lifting weights--pumping iron--is literally the fountain of youth. Yes, idler , I'm chatting with you. This news could change your life! You can feel younger, stronger, and more vigorous--perhaps better than you have ever felt in your entire life. Advanced age isn't a static, irreversible biological condition. it is a dynamic state that in most of the people are often changed for the higher regardless of what percentage years they've lived or how long they've neglected their bodies. Perhaps you have been experiencing a number of the signs of aging. After maturation (about age 30), we lose one-half pound of muscle annually .. If you're 60, this suggests you have 15 pounds less muscle than you probably did 30 years earlier--unless you've got been doing exercises that help retain or build muscle. Do you feel older than you want to feel? Are you wiped out at the end of a busy day? does one notice fat where you wont to have muscle? Are your favorite sports harder than they wont to be? does one check out your older relatives and think that you simply don't need to ever appear as if that? does one wish you have the energy to exercise? Strength exercise can help solve these problems. You can have more energy, you'll replace the fat now stored on your body with muscles, regardless of how old you're . You can be brimming with vitality. Let me share with you a number of the advantages of resistance training. the primary reason is that it helps keep you from aging--your body are often the maximum amount as 15 to twenty years younger than your actual age. If you're 60, wouldn't you wish the body you reside in to seem and performance as if were 45 again? It's truly possible. Miriam E. Nelson's book, Strong Women Stay Young describes a study done at Tuft University in Boston during which 20 women 35 and older lifted weights during a structured program for one year. At the top of that point their bodies were fifteen to twenty years younger than members of

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Italian psychologist in Denmark psychologist in Denmark enrico cappelletto

the

[grissom]

Thoughts on TWIN PEAKS: THE RETURN

I do not like to rank things, least of all works of art, but were I ever to find myself in a position where some unseemly character has placed a gun to my head and has told me in no uncertain terms that he either pulls the trigger or I delcare aloud "my favorite television show of all time," I wouldn't need more than a moment to respond. The answer is TWIN PEAKS and has been since I first watched those wonderfully strange images on my TV screen on April 8th 1990. I was 15 years old at the time and I do believe something changed within me. A deep, irreversable change. My DNA re-written. It is, and I'd also include David Lynch's other work here, the most significant influence on me as a person and creator. I dove in deep. Immersing myself every week with the show, re-watching episodes on VHS, and consuming the diaries and autobiographies of its fictional characters. To say I was excited about its return is an understatement. Having watched it, and before the thoughts slip away from me, I wanted to record my impressions and theories. For any of you that enjoy discussing the mystery, I have collected my thoughts below.

One of the things that most grabbed me about the Return, was the "sea" we are introduced to in Episode 3. I see this imagery as the place where "ideas" come from. Lynch has used this ocean metaphor before in his book Catching the Big Fish: Meditation, Consciousness, and Creativity.  Given that, then the “electricity” is the firing of synapses in our brain that bring forth these ideas and form them into Tulpas. Twin Peaks itself is a kind of tulpa. Born to life from the collective minds of Lynch and Frost. Twin Peaks is a story. It is the story of “the little girl who lives down the lane”. Cooper, like Jefferies before him, is in search of Judy - who Gordon Cole tells us is Jiāo Dài. According to this (thanks Dan J!) one meaning of the word is to “explain.” Looking at it in that regard, we have characters in a story looking for meaning. Any character that gets close to finding “Judy” disappears, goes mad, or ceases to exist. 

We continue to look for Judy, but we must never find her. Explanation is the death of the mystery. 

It’s the death of the story.

In part 17 time stops. The story of Twin Peaks has reached its conclusion, but we are reminded again that all of this is a dream within a dream. Lynch himself (as Gordon Cole) takes Cooper to the edge of the story. The basement door in the Great Northern. When Cooper enters we revisit a scene from Episode 2 where we are asked if this is future or is it past. Like the episode’s title “The Stars Turn and a Time Presents Itself” a shift happens here.  Cooper is going to move to a different time and be born as a different person. The first time through he was born as Dougie.  This time he’ll become someone else. Another key difference here is Laura. Laura is missing and Cooper is tasked with finding her.

Cooper then meets Diane at the “curtain call”.  The time after a performance when the players appear on stage as someone else. The “stars” of the show.  At a performance start, when the red curtains open, the stars turn into their characters.  When that performance is over, they turn into themselves. Like reincarnated souls, the essence of Cooper and Laura are born again as different people -- but their roles remain archetypal: a detective and a girl in trouble. When Cooper tells Laura that she is “dead,” her response is telling. 

“I am dead. Yet I live.” 

Like the Log Lady says, death is a change not an end. As we move through time, our souls are born and reborn into different characters - over and over again. Our souls are the actor. Our perception of reality at this moment is our role. As the cycle continues, we get closer to enlightenment. As we learn and grow through each iteration, we begin to see behind the red curtain at the very machinations of existence. 

I believe that is what is happening to Cooper and Diane -- now playing their current role of Richard and Linda. Diane sees herself outside of her body and when she enters the hotel room she realizes the man standing before her isn’t Cooper. It’s Richard. As they make love she covers the face of this stranger and cries, knowing the people they were are long since gone.  

The next day, it is flipped. We are somewhere else.  It isn’t the same motel.  It’s not the same man. It’s not even the same car. This time it is Cooper who must come to terms with this transmigration.

When confronted with this idea that he’s in a new story, that he’s another person, he still clings to the old ideas. He tries to find meaning (Judy’s Diner). He once again falls back to his task: find Laura. And when he does, he insists on revisiting the past despite the new mystery sitting dead on the couch in front of him. Like Audrey who is stuck in some new nightmare, we would rather drag her into the past and make her dance at the Roadhouse than see what lies ahead. 

Content only with returning to some other time, to some other story long since gone, Cooper returns her to Twin Peaks. After a long trip we find relief when we pass the Double R. But something isn’t right. This Double R is not on “Main Street”. It’s on “Bendigo Blvd“  Which is where the REAL diner is in our world.  And the Palmer house? There’s no Sarah here. Instead the door is answered by a strange woman.  A woman who no doubt answered the door many times before for Twin Peaks fans looking for the Palmers. The woman it appears was played by the home’s actual owner. 

 And while that world may no longer be around, it isn’t dead. The story of Laura Palmer is real. She is forever screaming. The fan forever spinning. We only need to stare into our own boxes and wait for the images to appear.

Do I think that Cooper has left the story of Twin Peaks and entered our world? The real world? Is Audrey's Billy...Billy Zane, the actor who played her second season love interest? I’m not sure, but I'm not sure it matters either. Because like the dead guy on Laura’s couch, there is a new mystery now and that is a story worth thinking about.

[dancerwrites]

A “ficlet” for Pike for Day One of CR Ladies Week that ended up being almost 1500 words, as per the usual. But Pike deserves the best. 

And, while I’m not sure how much else I’ll be inspired to write this week, since finals are coming up, I hope you enjoy this little character study of Pike, set just after Episode 16, “Enter Vasselheim”.

Pike watched Vox Machina walk away, leaving her at the temple of Sarenrae in Vassalheim, the sun high in the sky, which was bluer than it had any right to be.

She stood strong despite the bittersweet ache in her chest, biting back the tears that filled her eyes.

From experience, she knew that Vox Machina would end up biting off more than they could chew – that they would end up seriously injured. Not only would she be absent and unable to help, but she would have no idea if something irreversible happened. The worry was already starting to itch beneath her skin and she wondered how she’d made it a whole six months without them after her death.

She had been the only one to pass across the veil between life and death (a memory that she retained, but which was foggy at best), but the others had gotten too close for comfort numerous times already. It was enough looking after them when she was right beside them – how could she do so from across continents or oceans?

Pike had a sudden image of her friends, dead on the ground, their corpses calling out to her to save them, flash across her mind, and it was almost enough to make her run after them. But just as the thought crossed her mind, Gesyra approached her, and Pike summoned a smile to her lips.

“Lady Pike? Might we show you to the place we’re staying? Or show you what we’ve found of the temple? It’s not much, yet, but…”

Gesyra’s voice trailed off hesitantly, and Pike shook her head, the easy grin still on her face.

“Even the smallest part of a temple is sacred,” she said, turning back to look at what they had uncovered so far. “Our Lady is proud of what you’ve done already, and with a bit more time and a little patience we will see our reward.”

The older woman seemed stunned for a moment at Pike’s words, but then a broad grin spread across her face and she nodded, leading the way to where the other two followers of Sarenrae were standing, looking wary of the newcomer in their midst.

“I’m here to help,” Pike said to them, dropping her mace from where it rested on her shoulder and smirking as their eyes followed its progress downward. “Our Lady brought me here to help.”

She felt a pulse in her chest, just beneath the place on her armor where her amulet rested, and she swallowed back the last of the tears, taking a deep breath and letting them lead her forward to where top of the building had been revealed, broken stained glass windows peeking out above the rubble, and one wall completely collapsed into the rest of the building.

It was a start, and there was much still to be done, but it was something.

Later, in the guest room she’d been provided, Pike removed her armor fully and left it on the floor – she could polish it tomorrow – then sprawled across the bed, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath.

A bit of hair tickled her nose and she tried to blow it away, but only succeeded in blowing it up to hit her eyelashes, and she sighed, brushing it away.

Pike opened her eyes to following the white-blonde strands as they circled her finger. It had been almost eight months and still she wasn’t entirely used to the change. Her hair before had been her own, had been part of the barrier she put up against the world. Ever since devoting herself to Sarenrae, Pike had been determined to share the same light her grandfather did, and she did her best to keep a smile on her face for everyone.

It had been easy to joke with people before her death – she always seemed to know what to say. Her hair had also been a talking point, especially with children, who remarked on the purple streak and how “cool” it was.

After the Glabrezu, Pike had struggled to find that same kind of joy in life that she could share with others. She’d managed to keep up a brave face, to keep her thoughts and worries to herself, until she was healing one of the children that the Dread Emperor had chained to his armor.

“Are you an angel?” the young girl had asked, lifting a shaking hand to touch usual round brain that circled her head. “You’ve got a halo and everything.”

“I’m not an angel,” Pike had laughed, finishing the healing quickly with the pretense of moving to the next child in line and tending to their wounds.

But the term “angel” had stuck in her head for weeks, even months, after that incident. Across the waves of the Lucidean Ocean, from port to port, up to the crow’s nest when she was a lookout and down to the hold when she needed to retrieve supplies.

No one in her family had ever been an angel. What little information Pike had gleaned from Wilhand about the Trickfoot line had confirmed that. If anything, they were little devils – deceivers and charlatans. And while Pike didn’t adhere to that moral compass, that didn’t mean she was, by any means, an angel.

She hadn’t been sent from Sarenrae with some divine purpose – she’d committed herself to following the goddess, just like any other priest or cleric. She made mistakes like all the rest, and she certainly wasn’t the holiest of people.

Pike’s fingers drifted to her holy symbol which, only a little over a week prior, had been cracked through due to her oversight and some bloodlust that had welled up within her.

The crack had since been mended, but the memory of it under her fingers remained.

Hells, even Kima – beaten bloody, tortured in the Underdark for who knew how long – had a stronger faith than herself. After so long below ground she’d still held true to the Platinum Dragon, and that was more than Pike could say for herself.

Pike felt tears pricking her eyes again and sat up suddenly to look out the windows, her gaze rising to the stars.

But they were all wrong. It was a different view of the sky than Pike had seen growing up, listening to Wilhand’s stories about the various warriors and animals who traversed their heavenly paths each night. She thought she might have recognized one set of five stars in a diamond shape, but tears ahd already started to fall, blurring her vision of the small pinpricks above her, and she pressed one fist into her mouth in case she might let some sound escape her that bothered Gesyra, who had already been so enraptured by the thought of a helper sent to them from Sarenrae hereself.

How could she possibly help these people? There had been so much work still to do – clearing and rebuilding and renovating and everything in between and she was only one person.

Pike felt the pulse beneath her ribs again and let the breath out of her chest, fingers still curled tightly around her holy symbol, which seemed, for a moment, to pulse with the same warmth. It continued for two beats, three, four, five, and continued until Pike felt her heartbeat slow down to match it.

“You are never alone, my child,” came the faint whisper, when Pike had relaxed enough to open her eyes and look up at the stars again. “And never am I absent from you.”

Wanting to reply, Pike opened her mouth, but she couldn’t find the words to speak, and after several more pulses she pressed her lips together, eyelids closing as well as she basked in the warmth in opposition to the chilly Vasselheim air.

After several long minutes of silence the pulsing stopped, but the warmth remained, and Pike opened her eyes, realizing almost immediately that the constellation she’d thought she’d seen was indeed Ahnimnoh, ancient paladin of Ioun, his shield raised against the hoard of Advespae who threatened to take the mortal plane.

She could almost hear Wilhand repeating the story to her, and Pike sighed, murmuring her thanks to Sarenrae as she finally let go of her holy symbol and started to take down her hair.

This temple and these people were getting a second chance, just like she had gotten a second chance based on her history, and another at her death.

“I will do my best to help them,” Pike whispered into the night, sliding under the linens on the bed and making herself comfortable.

It wasn’t until she was nearly asleep, her eyes just closing and her breaths becoming deeper, that she heard a reply.

“Your best is all I ask for, my child.”