#this ended up being longer that i thought it would

[sularis]

God, what have I gotten myself into.

I have never run this fast. Even back when I was on my school's running team, I've never been able to reach this speed. Maybe then I was too young, or maybe now I have somehow more energy? Doesn't matter. That's not something I should be thinking about in the face of death.

Since leaving my old job, I've been getting stalked. I don't know by who, but I have my suspicion. They have enough power to have me whipped off the face of this earth, but instead they resort to terrorising every facet of my existence. I think I realise now that if they will kill me in that way, it won't be questioned. I gave them my medical report. They know about my heart condition. And now, they know how to use it to their advantage.

I'm a whistleblower for one of the largest food companies in the whole country. Soon, though, I might be found dead in a ditch. Or not found at all.

As I'm running with all I have, I hear the voice of my roommate; it rings clearly in my mind: "A walk won't do you any harm and the fresh air may cool your nerves." Now I wonder if she was in on this whole thing as well. Everything that she has said to me returns in an instant, I think I could easily pinpoint the day she could've received an offer to off me. Should've trusted my gut. Should've known that no one will be on my side when the other is offering them money for my life.

I got out of my apartment complex while it was still quite bright outside. The sun was slowly going down, but I believed that if I returned home before it got dark, nothing too bad would happen. Nobody could attack me, because someone could see me, right?

I don't know how long I ran, but I know I ended up outside my city somehow. That sure is some distance. The place I was in now was full of trees and only a singular road was crossing this forest. It was very dark already and I suspect that the person who was after me now is in the car that sped towards me a moment ago.

It didn't take me long to realise I was being followed; it took me longer to finally think I lost whoever was after me. Until he leaped at me from a side alley and almost stabbed my chest. I'm so grateful that out of all the responses, I got the "flight" instead of "freeze". Never would I suspect that the moment I started running would prolong for this amount of time and distance. He started running after me, but disappeared soon after, only to reappear somewhere else, where I didn't expect it. It could've been more than one person, but in my panic I couldn't see clearly.

They never stopped pursuing me. And I never stopped running.

Even now, as the terrain gets more unpredictable and I can't tell a tree from a person and any sound is ten times louder, I don't stop running. I don't and I can't. Because if I stop, I won't live to see the next day.

I don't know if anyone is behind me, I don't see any lights, nor do I hear any steps. Maybe I could hide somewhere? Only now I start feeling the exhaustion, but I can't stop, no. I can't let me be killed like that. Not tonight. Not ever.

The moon has come up. Lucky me, I can see what's before me. The trees are much clearer and I can avoid them easier. I can search for places to hide. I might survive and not collapse.

Unlucky me. The moon is out. I am seen in it too.

There's a small clearing in front of me, and a watch tower in the middle of it. I could run ad hide there. I shake that thought off immediately. I will be seen, so easy to spot. Need somewhere else. I am so, so tired.

My legs start to shake as I slow down. Please not now. All of the trees are thin, the bushes won't hide me if they have torches. I don't see lights behind me, though. I'm barely walking, everything hurts. Suddenly, a large tree trunk, I can see it close to me. There seems to be an opening there. I need to get inside but I can hardly move. I must've sprained an ankle because it hurts to walk so bad.

I'm about to reach it, and safety, when I hear something. The leaves are rustling. It isn't windy. Whether it was an animal or not, I'm not risking it. I start running again, through the pain, through the tears streaming down my eyes. I'm once again reaching speed I never thought I could reach. Like a deer I traverse the forest that I never was in before. I don't let my imagination let any more creeps scare me, I've enough of them trailing me and then--

I fall. Face first into the forest floor. The ankle, that I thought was sprained, hurts so much more right now. The pain is so horrid that it doesn't register at first fully. I'm disoriented, but the pain is clear and it's sharp and oozing. Warm and cold. Do I even have my foot still?

Finally, I reach down to see what's going on. I feel cold metal on my fingertips and some liquid on it. Oh, it's so clear now. A bear trap. That's how I die.

I try to move my leg, but the trap is chained to a tree nearby. Breaking free would be nearly impossible in this condition. I'm so tired, I lay on the ground battling sleep when I hear rustling again. I can't move, this is my death. With all my might I crawl and cling to the tree that will accompany me in the last moments I'm alive. I will die here, either of blood loss or whatever the man chasing me will do with me.

I'm struggling to do anything. Breathe. Look before me. Not sleep. It all feels like an impossible task. May the death come sooner? I'm starting to get cold.

Hugging the tree, I feel something in my jacket. Right, my phone. And wallet for whatever reason. I wanted to buy myself a drink before I returned from my walk, but currently, it feels silly to have it with me in my last moments.

My phone is useless here too. Nobody, who once cared about me, does any more. Family is long gone, further relatives got paid to forget me. So did my friends. Roommate. Before police would find me here I'd already be decaying. I'm doomed, and nobody sees it as a loss.

Suddenly, a thought flashes through my brain. Many of them, honestly, the life I led is playing for me and somehow it feels like a short film. One of the memories is important. A girl at the bar, piece of paper, numbers...

Wallet. Oh, how I beg it is still there.

I search through every pocket in my wallet as the memory plays on. "Here you go" she said "Use it whenever you like. Whatever you'll need will be answered if you call it." I thought she was flirting. "Don't take it for granted, girl. It might save your life one day."

I found it. The numbers are as clear as day. I check around, looking for movement. Nothing. I check my phone. It's half way charged. I thank God silently as I put the number in and hit the call button. I put it to the ear closer to the tree, I need the other one to hear threats approaching.

Calling....

There's signal!

One....

Two....

Three....

Pick up. Pick up whoever you were, girl. Pick up.

Four....

Suddenly, it connects. There's silence on the other side. Then a hesitant:

-... Hello?

It is not a woman's voice. Doesn't matter. I breathe is shakily, my throat feels on fire. I need to talk.

-I need help. Please.

I don't know how I said it, but it resulted in another while of silence.

-What's going on? How did you get this number?

He sounds serious. Did I annoy him? I need him to help me.

-A girl at a bar. She gave it to me... years. Years ago. I don't know why she gave me yours, but it doesn't matter. I need your help. I might die soon if I don't...

I sound pathetic. Begging for help from a total stranger. What did my life come to? My voice broke and the tears nearly chocked me before I could finish my sentence.

-Die? What? Is this a joke?

-No, I swear. Please don't be mad and don't end it. I'm sorry but this is the only number I could call. There's someone after me. He's been chasing me from the city and into the forest I'm in now. I need help. I can't run any longer. I'm trapped. Please, please, don't hang up. Please help me.

He didn't respond. I heard his breathing, though.

-Please....

I cried. I just needed him to stay with me. Even if he couldn't help, all I needed was for him to stay on the call. To be there with me. So I wouldn't die alone, forgotten.

-Where are you right now?

His voice. It was much gentler. I still sobbed.

-Forest. North of Tulan. The right side of it from the street.

-Tulan....

He repeated quietly.

-Are they still after you?

-I don't know... They tried to run me over with their car... I ran into the forest but I don't know if they went after me. I'm alone now, though...

He sighed heavily. I heard a mechanical keyboard in the background. Was he typing something?

-Are you hurt? Will you be able to hold on for a while longer?

-My leg's in a bear trap... I'm tired and cold, but otherwise fine.

-Bear trap?... Oh, I've got it.

He sounded so sure. Does he know where to find me? Is he sending help?

-Prepare the men and the helicopter.

Was there someone else with him? Helicopter? Who did I contact?

-The help is coming. Hang in there and don't fall asleep before you hear us coming.

Us? Is he coming too? Will they find me before my pursuers?

-Thank you...

I mutter before the call ends. And once again I am alone. Everything is quiet and I wonder if that's how death is. I wait in anticipation but there's no new sounds. I don't hear a helicopter for sure. The minutes drag out and I'm feeling worse than before. Please find me sooner than the Reaper.

Now that I'm alone with my thoughts again... Wasn't his voice familiar? I've had to heard it before, but where?

I hear rustling. Steps. Breaking branches. Chatter. I cling closer to my tree. My only solace right now.

It's getting closer. There's light appearing. There's more of them than necessary to kill me. I close my eyes and make myself smaller. Maybe they won't find me in the shadows. I feel the bright light suddenly falling on me and a loud yell right after.

-She's here! Get the medic!

Medic? Is it...?

I open my eyes slowly, getting them used to the light as I hear more footsteps coming towards me. Some are approaching faster than the other.

-Oh, thank God.

I hear a sigh of relief coming from a person in front of me. It's the same voice I heard through my phone. It's much clearer now and I recognise it much quicker. It's much more... soft, than how I hear it usually.

I can't see the person well. I know who he is. He approaches me with someone else. The other person immediately examinates my leg. All while the man I know, more or less, wraps a warm blanket around me and crouches to my side.

-How's it look like?

He asks the medic. His voice, it's... soothing, yet strikes concern, fear maybe, it's much different than when it's directed towards me. It's one of a ruler. The one in control.

-It's not good. Sprained and now this. We need to take her to our ward.

The response wasn't of a fearful subordinate. It was of a professional working alongside someone trust worthy, reliable. It was of someone who wasn't treated like a pawn, but a friend, colleague, someone who knew whatever he said would be taken seriously.

-That's what I thought.

The man muttered. I could see much clearer now. His hair is shorter than I remember. Sharp pain strikes my ankle again. I curl up and grit my teeth to deal with it. A groan escapes my mouth and tears well up in my eyes again. I breathe in and out, trying to ease it somehow. The trap is off and the wound was treated with a disinfectant.

Then I feel something else. His hand grabs mine. It's grip is strong, but not crushing. It's comforting. I finally start feeling safe. It's the first time in months that I do.

In no time my leg is bandaged and secured. He ordered his men to get something to transport me safely to his helicopter. It's apparently parked in the clearing. Clear in sight. How far must I have ran from it that I couldn't hear the machine approaching?

Everyone else is busy with something else. The medic went back with others to pick up the right gear. I'm exhausted. I feel myself falling, slipping away, before I gently land on something soft, stable, warm. I can finally relax, I feel. I don't think I can think of anything right now. I feel right, though.

I'm safe and I feel that. I close my eyes against my better judgement. I don't notice the man is looking right at me. I don't feel his arm wrapping around me and pulling me closer. I don't feel his hand gently wiping my wet cheek. Neither do I hear him ask me:

-What the fuck have you gotten into, Carrie?

He doesn't expect me to answer. At least for now. But he'll know soon, and that'll make a change in his life. And mine. And it won't ever be changed back.

You met a girl at a bar who gave you a number. Turns out, she has a superpower; Any number she gives out to others turns into the number they needed to call the most. You call it, and it forwards you to the most powerful supervillain in the world.

[hotchnersangel]

STRIKES

Aaron Hotchner.

t/w: abusive relationship, toxic themes, speeding, injuries, bruises, protective hotch, emotional abuse etc

**do not read if these trigger you**

….

If self-sabotage was a person, every detail of every description in every byline would lead to you. You never meant for the outcome of your life to end this way but suddenly you lost your spark and the team started to notice. It started when you no longer went to every outing the BAU had, at first the team thought you were busy and they shortly found out you were. You were in a relationship.

The relationship between you and Alex was quick in growing and passion swiftly followed. During the honeymoon period- he was your everything. The team could see by the way you spoke so fondly of him. Over the course of 4 months, they eventually met Alex. From what you had seen, the team got on with him. All was finally well until it wasn't. After a dinner with Rossi in his mansion and the rest of the team, Alex was unhappy with Aaron Hotchner and how you acted around him. He created this idea that you and Aaron had something going on and he asked you politely to cut him off.

"He has a thing for you, how can you not see that?" He furrows his brows as he clenches his hand around the steering wheel until his knuckles turn white and his tone drops into a deeper one.

"He is my boss, Alex." you retort, reminding him that he has nothing to worry about. "You're being silly."

At those words, he inhales sharply and looks at you harshly. "Silly? I tell you how I feel and you tell me my feelings are invalid?" He shouts at you now, his hand hitting the steering wheel making you flinch slightly.

"Alex, no- can you just slow down please?" You say quieter now, holding onto the side of the car as you notice the way he is starting to flatten hid foot on the gas and speed. You do not recognise the man you are in the car with at the moment and that scares you.

He smirks slightly at your discomfort. "Why? You scared sweetie?" He condescends you, pressing further onto the gas pedal and starting to drive recklessly. "It's fine babe, you're just being silly."

That is when you reach a turning point in your relationship. You turned up to work the next day with a fake smile, then a fake one after that until your happiness was turned into a luxury.

The night after your argument, he seemed apologetic. His hand caressed your cheek as you looked at him with sad eyes. "You really scared me."

"I know, baby- Fuck..." He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "I was just angry and I'm sorry. I Love you, you know I love you."

And so, you forgave him. Big mistake.

The team didn't clock onto your unusual behaviour until Alex was brought into a conversation and you froze up slightly. Aaron had noticed, of course, he had noticed the look of fear that caressed your eyes screaming to get out. But, your words betrayed that theory. "Yeah, we are doing good."

You started to go home late, blaming it on paperwork that needed to be filled. That is when you started to show up to work looking worse for wear. You would have deep bags under your eyes like you had not got an ounce of sleep and you filled your coffee up an extra 1.2% more per day, according to Reid. Sometimes you would show up with smudged mascara from the night before, maybe even a face full of makeup from the night before. Though, you never usually wore a lot of makeup to work.

You grew distant from your team, your friends and your family. Alex even tried to convince you to quit your job but you declined his attempts.

About a year into your relationship with Alex, the second strike occurred. During an argument, he grabbed your arm. It was like the world stopped spinning at the force he did it with. You will forever remember the way his fingers clenched until they were bleached white with fury and the claustrophobic tingle radiating through your body as his grip didn't loosen. You were stood in your shared kitchen, having moved in together- into his apartment.

You looked towards him in a panic, tears burning and pricking the back of your eyes. It was like the breath was whipped from your chest and all you wanted was to break free. "Get off of me," you whisper fragile and frail as you plead for your freedom. Which he does, immediately and you rush into your bedroom and towards the window. Silent tears fell from your cheeks as you examined your arm. Freshly red and swollen as an instant bruise from the intensity of his grip scars the innocence of your gentle skin. The harsh tone was prominent against the natural colour of your skin. At that moment, you wanted your team but you felt so alone. So, you settled for Alex.

He followed you into the room shortly rested his hand on your shoulder and frowned. "Babe, I'm sorry. I love you so much, I'm sorry I didn't mean to grab you that hard."

You don't look at him.

"Babe, look at me..." Slowly, you do and he wipes the tears from your cheeks with a tender touch, a sharp contrast to how he was just gripping you- and you close your eyes at his touch. "Don't cry, you're too pretty to cry."

"You hurt me." You frown at him, his gaze falling to the markings on your arm and he holds his fingers against the bridge of his nose. "Did I do that?"

You nod, looking out of the window.

"Come on, let me bandage it up." He says softly, guiding you Into the bathroom as he cares for the wound that he caused so diligently. He mutters an 'I love you' every few moments.

What a fool you feel for staying but the love for him defeats any emotion otherwise you could hold towards him. This is when the excuses come out.

At work, five of you pile into one SUV, Hotch in the driver's seat- JJ beside him in the passenger seat then in the back was you squished between Morgan and Rossi. As Morgan got into the car, he pushed against your arm and you flinched in pain, pulling your arm to your chest and hissing in pain. "Ouch,"

He looked worriedly over you, everyone in the car doing so.

"Have you hurt yourself?" Aaron asks through the mirror, looking towards you skeptically. You go silent and sigh.

"Just caught it I guess. It's probably stiff from all the paperwork we have been doing," you joke and the team laughs, Aaron however does not.

"Hotch, you gotta stop giving her so much paperwork-" Morgan says playfully as we start driving towards the precinct to meet up with Spencer and Emily.

"She gets the same as you."

"It seems like it takes you forever," Morgan continues looking at you. "When was the last time you left on time?"

You sigh and look at him, "I'm dyslexic, It takes longer for me to read and write it." You tell them and it isn't a lie, just you have purposely been ensuring things are better for Hotch so he can get home to Jack sooner.

"You can say that, you messaged me the other day asking if the squatting was successful." JJ giggled, smiling fondly at you. "Luckily I speak your language fluently and understood you were not asking about my gym session but the swatting."

A few weeks later, you had gotten home late and Alex started an argument about missing his family meal. You had just got back from a case and there was no option or way you could have got back In time but he would not accept that answer.

"Were you fucking cheating on me?" He shouts at you, his pupils dark as he steps towards you, backing you against the wall. Under his stare, you flustered which made him assume you did. He grabbed you by the neck. You cried. He apologised. You excused it as an accident.

The next day, you turned up to work in a turtle neck. No one had ever seen you in a turtle neck but suddenly the next few weeks meant you had to wear them.

You were called out to another case that week and the team had to share hotel rooms. JJ and Emily bunked up. Spencer and Morgan bunked up, Rossi outwardly refused to share a room and so you were left to room with Hotch.

At the end of the day, you were in your room on the phone with Alex. Aaron was with the rest of the team at dinner on their way back.

"I miss you, babe," he sighed into the phone, "Where are you now?"

"In the hotel in Nashville... I think the team are on their way back now." You tell him, standing to face the window- the view was beautiful despite the cheaper hotel than the usual BAU budget would afford.

"How is everyone?" He asks plainly and you state a 'good'.

"Good, I'm sharing a room with the girls-" you lie and you feel awful, but he would actually kill you if he knew you were sharing with Aaron.

Although the universe seems to hate you as after saying that, the door opens and Aaron walks in and fails to notice that you are on the phone. "Hey, I brought you some food back-"

"Who the hell was that?" Alex says abruptly, a harsh venom laced in his undertone, "That better not be who I think it is."

You sigh silently cursing the universe and you turn to Aaron and catch his eye, he furrows his brows at your perplexed state. You clear your throat and look back to the window.

"Alex... don't do that please, it's not like that." You say in a hushed tone, feeling awkward knowing Aaron can hear everything going on between the two of you and you swore to yourself you would never let any members of the team see this side of your relationship due to the easy suggestions that it was becoming toxic and hostile, which you believed it wasn’t.

"You expect me to believe you? I knew it, I fucking knew you were a whore-" He shouts and you turn the volume down on your phone panicked, intense clicking which made it more obvious that you were trying to be suspicious- yet it seems to blast out ten times louder and your heart starts to race to the point you could hear it pulsing in your ears.

"Alex-"

"No- we will talk when you get home but best believe you're going to regret cheating on me." He states darkly and your breath picks up.

"Alex, listen to me please-"

"No, you can have nothing to say to me right now."

"I love you." You plea in return, your voice coming out exhausted, worn down and emotional. The love you have for this man was so evident in the way you even addressed him.

"I am disappointed in you,” you feel a part of your heart shatter. “You have done this- not me," he shouts through the phone and hangs up, leaving you to stare into the distance, the abyss full of spiralling worries cascading around your body as your mind is sucked further down the turmoil. The abrupt silence was ear piercingly loud. Aaron's sat on the bed on his phone but you just know that he heard every word.

Again, Alex has left you silently crying at the window. After a moment, you wipe your eyes that streamed with frozen tears which made your emotions obvious and Aaron sits up alarmed at the action. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes," you whisper and go to the bathroom, taking one glimpse and crying at your reflection in the mirror. You stare into the mirror, the deep bruise on your neck feeling tight and wildly suffocating suddenly. You rest your hand over the bruise softly, reliving the cruel memory at the hand of the man you love and you throw on a hoodie, pulling the neckline to cover the raging discolouration. You walk back into the room and take the food Aaron brought you back.

"I'm sorry you heard that." You say softly, not looking at him but looking ahead, turning your side of the light off so he would not catch sight of your neck.

"Are you okay?" He asks softly, looking towards you with worry and noticing how you can not look at him. "How often does he talk to you like that? "

"Not often- we just are struggling with the distance is all..."

"He should never talk to you like that." He states firmly, his tone still laced with an unknown softness.

"Thank you for dinner."

“Of course,” Aaron sighs with little content, worry very evidently etched onto his features creating an unnecessary frown against his aging soft skin. “Try get some sleep, yeah?”

The next few days brought a struggle to hide all the injuries marked on your body, if Aaron hadn’t seen so much of the conversation last night- you would have given some more leeway but you knew his suspicions were high. However, on the very last night Aaron caught a glimpse of your throat as you itched your neck, a hardly noticeable action that could be played off as a shadow, but Aaron knew deep down that despite the slither of hope he nursed within, that it was not the case. That a deep purple bruise rests under your turtle neck. He waits until you are in the safety of your shared hotel room to inquire about the injury but he already knows what has happened.

"Show me." He states simply, looking at you as you lay on your single bed. You furrow your brows, looking at him confused as you stand up nervously and move towards the window once again, taking in the sights.

"What?" You inquire.

"Show me your neck." He states and your world quite literally stops. An incessant ringing echoes through your ears desperately wanting a plea, your head feeling so dizzy at the continuous sound buzzing away, the sudden weight heaved onto your merely strong shoulders felt like too big a burden to carry and you slowly realised that it was time to accept your fate. You failed.

He stands up, moving towards you now and you shake your head, laughing softly. "Oh- that, that's nothing. I'm clumsy you wouldn't believe the story-"

"No, I won't because I have an idea who did that to you. Please, show me." He comes closer and he moves his hand up, maybe too quickly with the severity of the situation but every movement was transferred with care and non-malicious intent, simply Aaron’s desire to protect you from your demons, from the evil you are surrounded by, however you could not help but flinch.

"What has happened to you?" He asks softly, retreating his hand apologetically, his face contorts to one you have never seen before. Affectionate. Caring. Melancholy. You look at him once more, trying to shake your head and laugh to make humour of the situation but your walls break down involuntarily and a tear falls from your eyes, betraying your integrity.

"It's fine, it was just an accident." You excuse after a long pause and Aaron rests his hand on your shoulder, slower and gentle this time, almost like a feather touch that you could barely even feel.

"Come here," he rests his hands on your back and the back of your head, holding you delicately as he pulls you in for a hug. More tears fall from your eyes. "This isn't okay, people that love you would never hurt you, okay?"

"Really, it was an accident and he was just angry-"

"No level of anger should ever resort in you being hurt." He says firmly, a burning fire raging inside of him. "Especially not to the levels you have been assaulted-"

"He loves me-"

"No, he loves manipulating you" Aaron stated bluntly, knowing you need to hear it no matter how painful that realisation may be.

“I know.” You admit after another comfortable yet tense moment, your voice merely a whisper.

You went to bed shortly after that, though you did not sleep a wink, never even tried and neither did Aaron. You just lay in your separate beds, in silence, his presence offering you safety and a warmth you had not felt in a long time.

"You should break up with him."

There was silence, until you rolled over, to face the wall, uttering two words that encouraged the darkness both physically and emotionally . "I can't."

[ramp-it-up]

Planting Seeds

Read Encore

Summary: You get your fill of Henry.

Pairing: Ceo!Henry Cavill x Reader au

Word count: 1.9 K

A/N: Henry Cavill is a beautiful man, idc, idc. He is the faceclaim to some of my fantasies. @nissaimmortal may have not so innocently fed me one line and here I am, feral. Hope you like it! Feed me through reblogs, comments, and likes. Also asks are fun!

Warnings: 18+ Only, Minors DNI. Read at your own risk. Smut! All mistakes my own. Employer/employee dynamic, age gap, reference to annual gyno exam, masturbation, contraceptive talk, a little bit of angst, rom-coms, mutual masturbation, dirty talk, heavy breeding kink, rough, raw p-in-v, begging kink, threat of orgasm denial, degradation and praise, did i say breeding kink? Talking you through it, creampie, cum kink, is she or isn't she?

I no longer have a taglist. Please follow @rampitupandread and turn on notifications to learn when I post! 😘

I Do NOT Consent to my work being reposted, translated or presented on any other blog or site other than by myself.

------

You were knee-deep in the finishing touches of an important project, but there was no avoiding it, you needed to go.

Henry��s brows knitted together as he looked up from his notes when you rose from the conference room table.

“Sorry, Boss. I have my annual appointment at lunch today. I’ve put this off for months, so I really have to go.” 

You patted his shoulder, squeezing it lightly. 

“I put in your lunch order. Make sure you eat, Henry.”

His lips curled into a small smile as he removed his reading glasses, eyes soft. 

“Of course. You must attend to your health. And yes, Dear.”

You grinned at his endearment.

“Good thing you haven’t beaten up my box lately. Wouldn’t want Dr. Hutchins to ask what we’ve been up to.”

You winked, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek before turning to leave. His raised eyebrow and smirk followed you out the door. Henry watched you go, eyes trailing your body as you hurried to the elevator. 

You had both been drowning in work lately, too exhausted for anything beyond curling up together at the end of the day. Yet, as he sat there, a flicker of anxiety stirred inside him. You were younger. Your relationship was still new. 

Would you want a family? And if so, would you want one with him, a man old enough to be their grandfather? He shook off the thought and refocused on the task at hand.

A couple of hours later, your text lit up his screen.

Had to have my IUD out.  Two more weeks until the other method kicks in.  So we’ll have to wait a little longer or use condoms. And be very careful.

Henry swallowed hard. He hadn’t even been thinking about sex, until you told him not to. Now it was all he could think about. He’d been fucking you raw for a while now and he didn’t think he could go back and the thought of going back to barriers made something inside him rebel.

Still, he was a gentleman. He could control himself. He responded to you, quickly.

Whatever is needed. We can watch a movie tonight. You pick.

Goody! 50 First Dates.

Splendid.

A mindless rom-com would be the perfect distraction. Or so he thought.

Later, as you curled up beside him on the couch, his self-control began to unravel. You nestled against his arm, warm and soft, pressing absentmindedly into him. Your scent filled his lungs, intoxicating and familiar.

Henry tried to focus on the screen, but his mind drifted to the last time he’d had you. How your perfect pussy gushed just right for him. You were so hot and tight. He tried to stop, but he kept thinking of the smell of you, and how perfectly you fit around him, how your body trembled in his hands.

Before he knew it, his hand was on your thigh, squeezing.

You turned, eyes meeting his, and smiled. A slow, knowing smile. Leaning in, you kissed his cheek, but he was already turning toward you, capturing your lips in a deep, hungry kiss.

Within moments, you were tangled together, heat surging between you as you pressed into each other. His hands roamed under your shirt, his cock aching to be inside you.

“Bloody hell. We are grown adults,” he muttered, breaking the kiss.

You were breathless, hair tousled, eyes dark with want. When your gaze dropped to the outline of his erection, he groaned.

A wicked glint flashed in your eyes as you ran a slow hand down your body, teasing.

Henry exhaled sharply, then stood, tugging his shirt over his head in one fluid motion. Your breath hitched as his thick, muscular torso came into view.

Then, without a word, he shoved down his jeans and underwear, his cock standing thick and heavy. Your mouth parted slightly, eyes locked on him.

He smirked and stepped back, sitting across the room with his thick thighs spread, fisting himself lazily.

“I want you to stay right there and touch yourself,” he said, voice low and commanding.

 “While I sit here and watch you.”

A pulse of heat shot through you.

Oh, fuck.

Your response was a quiet, breathless, “Yes.”

You stripped off your tank top and leggings, your fingers teasing over your flushed skin. One hand toyed with a hardened nipple while the other slipped between your thighs, circling and teasing your cunt.

“Let’s just say I was going to put my cock inside you right now,” Henry gave himself a slow stroke and a bubble of precum rolled down his fingers as he showed you what he was working with. 

You ached for the stretch only he could give you.

“What would you want you to do, love?”

That question short circuited your brain.

“I’d want you to fuck me from behind over the back of this couch.” 

Henry didn’t reply, but his mouth opened and he stroked faster. 

You leaned against the armrest of the couch and spread you knees wider, focusing on finger fucking yourself. You slid in a second digit to try and replicate the extra fullness of his cock,  but it was nowhere close. Henry chuckled.

“You know you need another.”

You stuffed a third finger inside yourself and he rewarded you.

“Good girl,” he murmured.

Your toes curled against the cushions and his eyes and his voice and the vision of him were edging you toward your orgasm. You closed your eyes and prepared to fall, when suddenly, strong hands gripped your waist, lifting you effortlessly, bending you over the back of the couch.

At this point, nothing else mattered.

You needed him inside you.

Henry pressed his cock against your slick entrance, his voice a deep, guttural growl.

“I’ve been saving my cum for days now,” he murmured, nudging against you. 

“Waiting for a chance to fill you so full it’ll drip down your thighs.”

The image alone sent you spiraling.

“God, Henry. Please,” you whimpered, pressing back against him.

He chuckled darkly.

“Hmmm, Little One. I don’t know if you want it bad enough yet.”

 He teased you as his cockhead popped inside you. 

“And what if you get pregnant?”

Your body jolted at the thought.

You shifted, trying to take more of him, but his grip was firm, controlling. Each tiny movement sent sparks of pleasure rippling through you. You were reduced to begging, which he loved.

“Please, Henry,” you gasped. “I’ll do anything… just fuck me.”

A deep, satisfied groan rumbled from his chest.

“You’re desperate for this, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” you choked out.

“Say it, Little One.”

Your hips rocked involuntarily, seeking relief, and he grinned.

“I’m a cock-hungry slut,” you whispered, the words sending a fresh wave of heat through you.

Henry’s laughter was low and full of dark promise.

“Not yet, my little fucktoy.”

You nearly sobbed in frustration.

“You really need my cum inside you right now, don’t you?” he taunted, voice velvet and steel.

Your body trembled. You were losing control.

“Fuck… yes… please.”

“You’re doing so well,” he crooned.

“Beg for it again.”

You couldn’t even remember what you said. Your mind was a haze of pleasure and need.

“I don’t—”

He cut you off with a sharp, punishing thrust.

You gasped.

“Changed my mind. I’m not waiting anymore.”

The world blurred as pleasure engulfed you. His hands on were your hips, his body owning yours completely. You barely registered his next words.

“Oh, and Little One?”

You whimpered in response.

“Don’t even think about coming until I say you can.”

The command sent a violent shudder through you.

Time seemed to slow as his pace grew relentless, his body slamming into yours with precision, purpose. You were nothing but sensation, drowning in him, gripping the cushions as your body tightened, coiled, ready to snap…

And then, he stilled.

“You want to know what’s going to happen?”

“What?” Your voice was barely a whisper.

Henry withdrew fully. Then slammed back into you.

“Oooooh, fuck!”

“I’m going to fuck a baby into you.”

His voice was pure sin.

“You’re going to be a beautiful, pregnant mess when I’m done with you.”

Your body clenched at his words, teetering on the edge.

“Yes,” you breathed.

He growled, yanking your hair back, his control slipping.

“My beautiful little slut,” he panted, thrusting deep. “Do you want my cum?”

The spikes of pleasure were too much, your body trembling on the precipice. 

You knew you were going to come at any moment, but still, you managed to get it out. 

“Yes, please… can I come?”

Henry’s grip tightened, his thrusts never faltering. 

“I have one question first.”

Your fingers dug into the cushions.

“Please just let me comeeee!”

Henry waited, delivering two more deep, devastating strokes for your sass. You were on the verge of losing your mind.

“Are you,” he growled, punctuating each word with a thrust, “my fucktoy… that I can use… however I want? To fuck and to fill with my cum…to breed how I see fit?”

Your breath hitched as you realized that Henry really could do whatever he wanted to you right now, and you’d beg for more. You opened your mouth to say yes, but hesitation cost you.

He yanked your hair back harder and smacked your ass hard. You yelped in pleasure/pain.

“Answer me.”

“Yes, Henry! I’m yours!” 

The words spilled from your lips, raw and desperate, and the second they left your mouth, your body shattered. Blinding pleasure overtook you, ripping through your limbs and curling your toes. Your moans melted into breathless whimpers as you bucked and shuddered through your release.

Henry didn’t stop. He drove into you, prolonging your ecstasy, dragging out every aftershock until your body was nothing but sensation. Then, with one final thrust, he stilled.

A deep, guttural roar tore from his throat as he came, his body jerking against yours. The thick, pulsing heat of his release flooded you, sending another tremor through your overstimulated body.

This was what you’d been waiting for. What you both craved. The thought of him emptying himself inside you, filling you, claiming you, almost pushed you over the edge again.

You moaned softly as he grinded against you, savoring every last drop. He stayed buried deep, thrusting lazily, fucking his cum further inside while your body milked him dry.

For a long moment, he stayed there, his weight pressing you into the cushions. You shivered beneath him, but there was something grounding about his warmth, the way he kept you close.

Finally, he pulled out, and just as he promised, your combined fluids began to trickle down your thighs. Henry watched, utterly transfixed, then bent down and effortlessly lifted you into his arms.

“Now,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to your temple, “let’s get you cleaned up. So we can do that again.”

You twined an arm around his neck as he carried you into the bathroom, setting you down and ensuring that you were steady before letting you go.

As he turned on the shower, his gaze flicked to the sink, where the box for your diaphragm sat.

A slow, wicked smirk tugged at his lips.

“Always prepared, aren’t you, Little One?”

You flashed him a playful smile. 

“Well… I was going to put that in later. But you caught me by surprise.”

His eyebrow arches as he eases you under the steaming water. He wasn’t sure if you were telling the truth or indulging in the kink.

“That’s good,” he purred, hands sliding over your slick skin. 

“Then we can breed you again, my love.”

You shuddered with anticipation as you stood on your tiptoes to press your naked, wet body against his.

----

Let me know how you feel!

[barrenclan]

After looking at the map and reread some of the issues, it reminded how much a bastard Thrasher was. I genuinely thought he would feel some sadness seeing Hush Puppy dead but he looked her in disgust like it her fault at she died. I really shouldn’t have thought he cared considering his past actions.

I always found it weird how she died from starvation considering they lived in a lush forest. Until I thought about the implications.

Cormant mentioned how she died when he was only two months. By then, kittens would have just started to moved on from milk. Before this time, kitten would still need to nurse from their mom. Mother cat need a lot more food durning this time to substain herself and her kid.

Since she had to stay in the nest to take care of Cormant and his sibling and make sure they were nursed, it left her little time to fully hunt herself, leaving Thrasher in charge. Thrasher being a lame excuse of a mate, probably didn’t even bother making sure she had extra food to make sure she would still be healthy,causing her body to become exhausted from nursing her kid. Heck I even bet Thrasher told her she asking for too much, even though she was only asking for the bare minimum. He was more focused on making sure his kits would survive,which was only to make sure they could be trained to kill.

This make his previous statement about getting a mate was only to have kids so much worst. He never saw Hush Puppy as a person but as a way for him to have his kids. He didn’t take care of her when she needed it the most. Once she died, he didn’t feel sad because she was no longer useful to him since she fulfilled her purpose. It was never about love. She give birth to his kit which is all at mattered to him. She wouldn’t be able to prevent him from abusing her kid and shaping them in his images.

Man, I hate this bastard.

Yes, the idea of Hush Puppy's death is that while she may have otherwise survived while nursing three kittens, the stress that Thrasher added to her and the difficulty of not being able to hunt for herself (worried that he might do something to them if she left) caused her to starve so early. At that point the relationship between Hush Puppy and Thrasher had deteriorated, as you can see in Issue 13, and Thrasher was really falling into his 'religious fanaticism'.

Hush Puppy was not a very active person - she was quite passive and pretty easy to dominate, and by the time she and Thrasher were both in Defiance and she'd thought of running away... well, she had kittens. And she was terrified of what he would do to them, or how he would raise them. It's a tragic irony that after he death he ended up abusing and manipulating them anyways.

In fact, the only reason Egrettail stuck around in Defiance after Hush Puppy's death was because Hush Puppy likely begged her to look after the kittens. Egrettail would do anything for Hush Puppy, but she hated Thrasher so much that it was hard for her to spend a lot of time around them. So she couldn't influence them very much in the end.

Just a real, real bad situation all around.

[urcoolgf]

what’s your deal? pt. 5

pairing : childhood bsf!rafe x reader

content : fluff. suggestive content/thoughts kinda. language.

summary : unable to control his emotions any longer, rafe addresses you– and secrets are revealed p.s. ignore that the pic is curtain bangs rafe. he is very much buzz cut rafe in this series, that’s just the expression i was trying to convey in this part

SERIES MASTERLIST

you ended up being able to spend the rest of the day with enzo, finally departing from each other around 10pm. your dad texted you saying he had gotten back from fishing around 8pm, so he wasn’t particularly upset with you for coming back late– he knew who you were with.

you and rafe hadn’t spoken since the brief interaction at the restaurant. you figured he was pissed, but you were tired of apologizing, and you were tired of his tantrums. you didn’t even care about the girl he was with earlier– it was only fair since you had enzo. plus, he wasn’t yours, no matter how much he wanted to act like it.

finally being able to change out of your clothes felt like bliss after the long day you had. you decided to take a quick shower just to wash all the ‘beach’ off of you. once you stepped in, the warm water cascaded down your back causing you to shiver even in the heat.

you didn’t bother to grab any clothes because the bathroom was attached to your room. you would just change once you were back in your bedroom. plus, it was easier to tend to your hair before putting any clothes on anyway.

the sound of the diffuser echoed through the bathroom– that, and the loud music playing off your phone. so loud, in fact, that you didn’t hear the clicking of your bedroom door opening, and closing. so, once you had finished with your hair, you opened the bathroom door, walking into your bedroom. you stood there, almost in a state of shock once you saw rafe, sitting at the side of your bed. he was biting his nails as if he was going insane, looking down at the ground in front of him. his head snapped up to turn to you– what he didn’t expect was for you to be completely naked.

his once preoccupied mind, was now suddenly blank– or rather, preoccupied with the image of you. all of you stood before him, and he wasn’t sure he could bare to ever see you with clothes on again. his eyes raked your body, your curves. you, on the other hand, quickly reached for the t-shirt on your dresser, pulling it over your head. you grabbed the bottom, trying to stretch it to cover the tops of your thighs. it worked– but your ass was still exposed, and rafe hated that you were facing him right now. your brain was finally in a state to speak.

“shit! rafe… what the fuck are you doing in here?!,” you yelped, still holding the hem of your shirt past your thighs. even in the dimly lit room you could feel rafe’s eyes on you. you were desperate to cover what laid beneath, and rafe was desperate to uncover it. he hated that t-shirt right now.

rafe shook himself out of his current thoughts, trying to remember what he came in here for before speaking.

“we gotta talk, y/n,” his tone was different. it was breathless, like he was trying to plead with you– convince you he was worth a minute of your time. it was unlike anything you had ever heard come out of your best friend’s mouth. so, naturally, you were intrigued.

“what do you want?,” you asked, now rummaging through your drawers for at least some underwear.

“what’s goin’ on with you? why won’t you talk to me? why are you ignoring me? why are you hangin’ with that guy, y/n?,” the questions flowed out of him, even faster than he himself had anticipated. he knew he sounded pathetic, but he was too worried to care. you pulled some small panties up your legs. you didn’t even care to put on shorts. surely rafe was able to not act like a horny teenage boy for 5 minutes. you took a seat next to him, but it only made him stand in response. you looked up at him with a puzzled expression on your face.

“nothin’s goin’ on with me, rafe. i’m hanging around enzo because i like him. plus, you’ve been an ass this whole trip,” you answered him plainly. it was the truth, and there was no use in trying to hide it. you were done trying to spare his feelings. he had been on enzo’s ass since he met him, and it pissed you off.

“listen, y/n… i don’t know what i did, but i’m sorry. okay? i’m fuckin’ sorry. i’m sorry for whatever i said, or did. i’m sorry for the girl earlier today–,” he began rambling, pacing in front of you. he ran a hand over his short hair, then moving his nail back to his mouth until he thought of what he wanted to say next. you filled the silence with confusion.

“the girl? rafe. i don’t care. you can hang out with whoever you want,” a breathless laugh escaped your lips. the noise making rafe’s brows furrow in confusion. how could you think that? why did you not get that possessive pit in your stomach when you saw him with someone else like he did? he was losing his mind at this point– totally baffled at your response. he stopped pacing to face you straight-on.

“don’t care?! jesus, y/n how can you not care?! i’m not fuckin’ losing you to this guy. i won’t,” his eyes had a gleam in them– was he about to cry? he fiddled with the gold ring on his finger while he awaited your response. he knew this conversation was way out of his element, but he was willing to sound a little pathetic if it meant not losing you.

“losing me? rafe, you sound insane. you’re not losing me because of enzo–,” you started before he cut you off. his hand moving to his temple, and then to point at you.

“don’t. don’t say that! you’re lyin’. he’s takin’ you from me, y/n. you just… you can’t see it yet… yeah– yeah you can’t see him for who he is,” he was babbling on– half talking to you, half mumbling to himself. you had never seen him like this. it was starting to scare you. was he back on drugs?

“rafe, can you please just calm down? sit, or something. you’re freakin’ me out!,” you were pleading with him at this point. thankfully he obliged, sitting down next to you on the edge of your bed. he refused to look at you– scared he might say something he would really regret if he saw the look on your face right now.

“can you look at me? please,” you were already facing him, his eyes hesitantly rising to meet yours. you had never seen such hopelessness in him.

honestly… it broke your heart.

it broke your heart, but it did not break it enough to make you apologize for anything you had done. it was evident that rafe didn’t even know what he was sorry for– just that you were mad, and he didn’t want you to be mad anymore.

“what’s your deal, rafe? you can talk to me. i’m your best friend,” you even reached to hold his trembling hand, attempting to steady it. he was shaking slightly, but you could still feel the way he tensed when you said that last thing. his jaw tightening as if he was biting his tongue. you rubbed circles into the top of his hand– any kind of comfort you could give him right now would calm him down. you still knew him– knew what he needed.

“do you like him, y/n? like– really like him? do you wanna be with him? has he kissed you?,” his voice was soft, almost too soft. he didn’t even seem like himself in this moment.

“i mean… yeah, i guess–,” you began to answer him, uncertainty laced your words.

“no. you either like him, or you don’t. tell me,” he cut you off, his voice still quiet, but his tone more harsh.

“yeah… i do,” you admitted. it wasn’t like you were going to marry the man, but you didn’t just consider it a fling anymore– it can’t really be a fling when you haven’t even slept together, haven’t even kissed…

“fuck,” he muttered under his breath. if you weren’t sitting only inches from him you wouldn’t have caught it, but you did.

“is that a problem?,” you wanted to be sarcastic in this moment, but your tongue wouldn’t let you. a more sincere question fell off your lips instead– as if you truly cared whether rafe approved. he was still your best friend, after all.

“you don’t understand… i can’t lose you– fuck, i can’t,” his words were faltering. the wells in his eyes began to stream down his cheeks. he was so vulnerable like this– so… delicate, in a way. your hand moved from his up to his cheek, wiping away the tears with your thumb. he melted into your touch like he had been starved of it for years– the past two days had felt like years to rafe.

it had felt weird to you, too. he was your best friend and you had barely spoken to him. you missed him… it was just easier on you because you had replaced the absence of him with the presence of enzo.

“please… don’t go out with enzo anymore,” he sounded helpless– like he knew you wouldn’t agree to it, like it was his last resort. he was begging you, moving to lean into your chest. you could hear quiet cries, and you were in such foreign territory right now.

your hands cupped his cheeks, moving his head back up to look at you. you had no idea what was going on– if he knew something about enzo you didn’t– but whatever it was… ended tonight.

“why, rafe? tell me why. give me a reason, and i won’t,” your voice barely above a whisper. he had never been this fragile before, it seemed like if you even talked too loud he would crack.

“‘cause y/n…,” his eyes were staring into yours, your hands still holding him in place. it was almost like he didn’t want to say whatever was about to come next.

“because what?,” you were genuinely trying to understand. if rafe was acting this way, there was clearly something wrong. you just wanted to know what it was, that way you could make it better. he took a deep breath before answering.

“because i’m fucking in love with you.”

TAGS ! @yktayy9669 @drewsswifeyy @drewrry @frankoceanluvr11 @dearestmillls @icaqttt @mystic-megumi @hpboysslut2707

[frostiexavier]

˚ ༘✶ ⋆｡˚ ⁀➷ headcannon: how the lads boys take care of you when you are sick

○ warnings: fluff, mentions of food, symptoms of being sick, some cursing and nothing else i don’t think :)

• —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡

ﾟ。 Xavier

You woke up one morning with a sore throat and a slight cough. You knew this was the beginning of being sick, this is what always happens. You look over to see Xavier sleeping soundly, his features are so soft and adorable when he is asleep. You try to quietly get up without waking the sleepy bunny. However, you feel an arm wrap around your waist pulling you back into bed. You gasp softly, not expecting him to pull you back into his embrace. He pulls you to his chest like he is spooning you. He nuzzles his face into your neck and smiles.

“Good Morning, but can we stay like this for a little while longer? I am still sleepy”, he says with his raspy morning voice that makes you putty in his arms. You don’t answer him but can’t hold back the cough that is trying to escape.

You cough a couple more times before you feel Xavier shift and sit up. He looks down at you and you cover your mouth with your hand but have to quickly cover it with your elbow to cough into.

“Are you okay? Are you getting sick?”, he asks in a quick and concerned voice.

“Maybe, my throat feels scratchy and it hurts to swallow”, you say in between little coughs. Xaviers face looks concerned and he places his palm to the top of your head.

“You feel warm, I am going to go to the store and get some medicine. I will be right back, don’t try to get up until I am back”, he says while putting on a shirt and grabbing his wallet from the night stand.

“I just have a sore throat, I can still walk Xavier”, you laugh but then break into a fit of coughs.

“Just rest until I come back, do you want anything while I am out?”,he asks but you decline by shaking your head. He places a kiss on your forehead and tucks the duvet back over you before he exits the room.

You close your eyes once he leaves but after some time you feel the bed shift, waking you up from your short nap.

“Hey, you feeling okay?”,Xavier asks. Honestly you felt worse, you had the chills now but your head felt hot. You shake your head in response to his question.

You look over the covers and see several bags on the bed, you slowly sit up and look at Xavier.

“I thought you were just getting medicine? What is all this stuff?”, you ask him, your voice sounds raspy from your throat and coughing in between words.

“I got everything I thought you might need. I got tissues, cough drops, a thermometer, medicine, a humidifier, and some other stuff like face masks and vapor rub to help you relax. Oh, I asked the lady at the pharmacy and she said these would help reduce fevers.”, Xavier says while popping a small pill and handing you a glass of water to take it.

“Thank you Xavi, that was very kind of you for getting me all this stuff”, you say and he smiles at you.

“Anything for you. I also got you some soup from that restaurant you like and I got some teas for you to try. Just tell me which flavor you would like and I’ll go make some for you.”, he smiles and you can’t help but blush at how thoughtful he is.

“Thank you for all of this. If I weren’t sick I would kiss you right now”, you giggle slightly but end up coughing a bit.

He takes a moment to register your words and then leans in to kiss you. He molds his lips into yours but you quickly push him away.

“Xavier, you can’t kiss me you’re going to get sick”, you tell him but he doesn’t move away from you.

“I don’t care, we can be sick together. Either way I will still take care of you. Just don’t hold back on the kisses okay?”, he says again and gives you a quick peck on the lips before standing up. You can’t help but blush at his words.

“Okay now which tea would you like?”,he asks but honestly you can’t think about tea right now.

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡

ﾟ。 Zayne

You should have listened to Zayne. He warned you that all these late nights practicing your skills in the cold weather was going to make you sick. He was right, like he always is. You hate to admit it but you should have listened to him. You just know he is going to say “I told you so”.

Zayne was already in the kitchen making coffee when you woke up. You thought maybe you could fool him by putting on some makeup to mask the slight paleness to your face. Your throat was throbbing and you felt fatigued but didn’t want Zayne to gloat so you pushed through.

You walk into the living room, still in your pajamas. Just as you thought, Zayne was making coffee, still in his pajamas with his rustic brown robe over him and his house slippers.

“Good Morning Darling”, he says, bringing you a cup of coffee and placing a kiss to the top of your head. He places the cup onto the coffee table, making sure to place it on a coaster. He then sits down beside you on the couch and pulls you into him. You look up at him and he smiles.

“Did you sleep well?”, he asks and you almost respond. Crap, your voice is going to sound so bad, let’s just nod. You nod and he gives a soft chuckle.

“Why are you so quiet? Cat got your tongue?”, he asks and you shrug your shoulders. You go to grab the coffee taking a small sip but the heat burns your throat. The sudden sensation makes you fall into a fit of coughs.

“Are you alright?”, Zayne asks with a worried expression, he moves to your side quickly.

“Sorry, I just didn’t wait for it to cool down enough”, you say while coughing some more. Zayne’s expression changes once he hears your voice.

“You’re sick”, he states in a matter of fact tone. You sigh and give up trying to pretend, you don’t know why you even tried, he would have found out anyways.

“Yes, now you can say I told you so”, you say, sighing deeply and covering your face with your hands.

“I did but that wouldn’t make you feel better. Let me examine you”, he says and before you can refuse he moves his hand to your forehead and cheeks.

“You’re flushed and warm. Let me grab the thermometer”, he says standing up and walking to get the first aid kit. He opens the box and grabs the thermometer, he then makes his way back to you.

“Open”, he states and you open your mouth. He sticks the thermometer under your tongue and holds it in place for you until you both here the beep.

“99.8, it's a low-grade fever. If we treat it now, we can prevent it from getting worse. Let me grab some tylenol and a cold compress”, he says, leaving to grab said things.

You don't need to have a fever right now. You have been training so hard and getting sick will set you back in your training. You sigh thinking about falling behind.

“Here, take this and apply this to your forehead”, he says handing you a tylenol with a glass of water. You take the pill in one swig and then take the cold compress from Zayne. You place it on your forehead, the sensation making you feel slightly better already.

Before you know it Zayne is lifting you up and holding you bridal style.

“Zayne? What are you doing?”, you asks in a frantic and startled tone.

“I am taking you back to bed. I am going to take care of you today. Today I am Dr. Zayne and you are my patient”, he smirks and carries you to your shared bedroom.

“Oh? Do I get the special VIP treatment package? Or do you treat all your patients like this Dr. Zayne?”, you tease and he chuckles.

“Only the ones that don’t listen to my orders, so only you”, he laughs and you swat his chest. He reaches the bed and gently places you down while pulling the blanket over you. He sits down on the edge of the bed and grabs your hand

“Now be a good girl and listen to me this time. I will be right back, I am going to go grab some things for you, text me if you need anything. I will be right back.”, he says rubbing the back of your hand with his thumb. You nod at his soft words and he smiles.

“Okay, I’ll be right back. I love you”, he says placing a kiss on the back of your hand and stands to leave.

“I love you Zayne”, you smile and you can’t help but notice the pink tint to his cheeks. He gives a soft smile before leaving to grab some things to help take care of you over the next couple of days.

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡

ﾟ。 Rafayel

“Are you okay? You have been coughing on and off all day. Don’t tell me you are sick or something?”, Rafayel says from the driver's seat of the car.

You place your fist up to your mouth trying to cover your cough. You think you are catching the cold Tara caught. It has been going around the hunter’s association but you just need to power through it.

“I think I am catching a cold but I’ll be fine”, you state and Rafayel moves his head between you and the road.

“Puh-lease, you look like you could kick the bucket at any moment, you look horrible”, he states and you give him a side glare.

“Thanks Rafayel, the words every woman wants to hear from their boyfriend”, you say coughing again.

“Sorry, but honestly you look sick. You want me to take you to the doctor or something?”, he asks and you shake your head. Suddenly Rafayel turns the car and you feel somewhat nauseous.

“Oh nu-uh we are going to the doctor asap. You are not going to barf in my car”, he picks up the speed and makes it to a nearby urgent care.

You both walk in and Rafayel grabs you a mask and puts a mask on himself. He helps get you checked in and sits 2 seats away from you in the waiting area.

“Seriously Rafayel?”, you ask him and he throws his hands up in defense.

“Hey, if I get sick then who is gonna take care of you huh?”, he says and you shake your head and roll your eyes. Soon enough the front desk calls your name. You both follow the nurse into a small exam room.

You tell the nurse about your symptoms and she takes your vitals. She tells you that the doctor will be there shortly and leaves the room. Rafayel sits quietly and observes the room when the doctor makes her way in.

“Hello? Y/n correct? I heard you haven’t been feeling well, what is going on?”, she asks but before you could answer Rafayel butts in.

“Doctor thank goodness you are here. Something is wrong with her, she almost barfed in my car, which is very unlike her. She has been coughing all day long, I think she has a cold or maybe the plague? I don’t know but look at her, she looks horrible. I am very concerned.”, he states pointing to you.

The doctor looks at Rafayel and then back at you. The look of dread and embarrassment on your face. The doctor chuckles and replies to Rafayel.

“Don’t worry, I will make sure to take good care of your girlfriend”, she laughs and continues to examine you. Thankfully the doctor doesn’t seem to find Rafayel’s sudden outburst to be troublesome. You mentally sigh while looking at him. He looks between you and the doctor.

The doctor is auscultating your lungs and heart. She checks the lymph nodes in your neck to see if there is any swelling. You explain to her you have a cough and feel nauseous, along with a sore throat and slight fatigue.

“Let’s get you tested for all the respiratory things but I feel like it is just a cold. Have you overworked yourself lately or been around anyone who is sick?”, the doctor asks but you get interrupted before you can say anything.

“Uh yeah, she has been overworking herself to the point of getting sick. She works overtime at the hunters association”, Rafayel exclaims through his mask.

“Oh wow, you are very noble. Thank you for all you do for Linkon. However, overworking yourself can make you fall behind sometimes. Go home and rest, no training or working until you fully recover.”, she explains.

“And you, make sure to take care of her alright?”, She points to Rafayel and he nods with his arms folded.

After the doctor leaves the room the nurse comes back to test you for respiratory problems. All the tests turned out to be negative so the doctor said to just rest at home and to come back if you do not improve within a few days.

Before going home, Rafayel stops at the local pharmacy to grab medicines and other remedies ro help with a cold. He also picked up some porridge and tea from a local restaurant he often visits.

When you get home you immediately head for bed, your body is so tired from even going to urgent care. After about 20 minutes Rafayel enters the room with your porridge and tea dressed in PPE from head to toe.

“Rafayel, where did you get all of that?”, you ask him referring to his sterile outfit.

“Oh I picked these up while at the pharmacy. They had a lot of things there”, he chuckles and hands you the porridge.

“Is that really necessary when I just have a cold?”, you question him, sitting up from the bed to take a bite.

“Listen, I love you but I don’t want to get sick. If I am also bed bound, who will take care of me? My Miss bodyguard is down right now so I need to take care of her”, he smiles and you laugh at his ridiculous reasoning.

“Okay Rafayel whatever you say”, you laugh and he pats your head with his gloved hand.

“Don’t worry, I will make sure you feel better soon, anything you need I am here for you”, he rubs your back and you smile while taking a sip of tea. He was right though, he waited on you hand and foot but never took off that ridiculous quarantine outfit.

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡

ﾟ。 Sylus

“Sweetie wake up”, you faintly hear the deep voice of Sylus waking you up. You open your eyes slightly and feel pain radiating down your throat.

“Hmmm?”, you ask half asleep.

“I’m sorry to wake you my love but you have been coughing a lot in your sleep. I want to check if you are running a fever”, he asks, helping you turn over in bed to face him. He places his palm to your forehead and his eyes grow bigger.

“You are burning up, let me get the thermometer”, he gets out of bed and grabs a thermometer from the bathroom cabinet. He comes back and places it into your mouth and waits for it to read. Your eyes are still heavy from just waking up, your vision is blurry.

“100.5, let me get some medicine for you. Maybe I should take you to the hospital”, Sylus quickly leaves the room and brings back medicine and a glass of water.

“Here sit up and take this”, he helps you sit up in bed and puts the pill in your mouth. He presses the glass of water to your lips and helps you as you take a sip.

“How are you feeling, kitten?”, he asks and you rub your eyes with your hands.

“I just feel so tired, I feel weak and my throat hurts”, you admit and his eyes soften at your sickened state.

“Come here”, he holds out his arms which you envelop yourself into. His arms wrap around your whole body and he rubs your arm up and down and gently rocks you.

“Don’t worry, I will take care of you. Mephisto is already grabbing things at the store for you. Luke and Kieran are making your favorite tea and some soup for you.”, he says in almost a whisper but yoj can’t help but chuckle which makes you cough afterwards.

“So you are delegating tasks to other people to take care of me.”, you smile up at him and he smirks.

“Kitten, I need to be right here with you. I can’t do that if I am busy with other matters that can be dealt with otherwise. I need to have you right here next to me at all times.”, he says, holding you closer and propping his chin on your head. You giggle and close your eyes, enjoying his embrace.

You hear a knock at the door and Sylus gives permission to whomever is there to come in.

“Miss boss lady, we heard you are sick. We made you 5 different teas to choose from and we have different soup options as well. Please choose at your leisure.”, Luke says as he places the various teas and foods on a nearby table.

“Well done. Thanks boys”, Sylus says and both of them salute Sylus.

“Of course, hoping you have a quick recovery, miss boss lady”, Kieran says and both of the boys exit the room.

“Now let's try these teas, which one would my kitten like?”, he asks you and you point to one of the various tea flavors. He grabs your favorite soup choice as well and walks back over to the bed. You take a small sip of the tea, it helps soothe your throat.

“Open wide sweetie”, he says and you open your mouth as he feeds you the soup. He smiles and you don’t protest and let him take care of you. Normally you would insist on feeding yourself but even lifting a spoon feels like a huge task right now.

“Is it good?”, he asks and you nod your head in agreement. After he helps you finish your soup he gives you a neck massage. His hands kneading your neck and back help relieve a lot of tension built up and all the aches in your body you are currently feeling.

“How is this sweetie? Feeling okay?”, he asks and you moan and nod in response.

“Thank you Sylus, this helps so much”, you say with eyes closed as he continues to knead your lower back now. After the massage he pulls you close to him in bed and nuzzles himself close to you. His face is mere inches from yours now.

“Sylus, you probably shouldn’t be this close to me. You are going to get sick”, you say trying to cover your coughs.

“Sweetie, do you really think a cold could take the leader of Onychinus down?”, he smirks and you roll your eyes playfully in response. He wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you closer to his body.

“Just relax and take a nap with me”, he says into your ear. His voice soothing to your ears and he hums a little song that helps you fall asleep.

Your nap was cut short to the sound of hacking and coughing. You wake up and see Sylus is nowhere to be found. You sit up and call out his name.

“Sylus?”, you call out but no response. You begin to worry so you stand up and make your way into the bathroom where you hear all the noises coming from. To your surprise, Sylus is leaning over the bathroom sink coughing and hacking up phlegm.

“Oh my goodness, Sylus are you sick too?”, you ask, your voice drawing his attention towards you.

“Kitten, you should be resting, don’t worry about me”, he says in between coughs. His skin looks pale and his eyes red and puffy. He sniffles, obviously congested and his coughing sounds worse than yours.

You grab his hand and help him back to bed. You helped him lay down and feel his forehead, he was running a fever as well.

“Mephisto, could you bring me a cold washcloth please?”, you ask and the crow caws at you and quickly brings the cold compress. You place the washcloth on his head and he closes his eyes, basking in the feeling.

“Thank you, but I am supposed to be taking care of you”, he says with a few coughs.

“Don’t worry, we can take care of each other. Now relax I am going to massage your shoulders, it helped me feel a bit better earlier”, you say and straddle him to get in a comfortable position. His ears turn red as he watches you get comfortable on top of him.

You lean down and start to knead his shoulders and chest. He closes his eyes, letting himself feel your small hands smooth out his body aches. You massage his shoulders, arms, chest and as you go to his waist he grabs your wrist and pulls you forward. Your face is so close to his and he smirks.

“What are you trying to get into kitten?”, he raises his eyebrows and you swat at his chest. You sit back up and scold him.

“Quit being naughty and just relax”, you say and he deeply chuckles followed by a cough.

You both spend the rest of the week helping each other get better and recover. With the help of the twins and mephisto of course.

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡

ﾟ。 Caleb

“You sure are burnin’ up pipsqueak, what made you this sick huh?”, he says feeling your forehead and looking at your weakened state.

“I don’t know, I was fighting off wanderers in the rain a couple days ago. It was probably that”, you say coughing while responding.

“That's no good. Well don’t worry, I already know what to do to make you feel better.”, he smiles and stands up from the bed.

“I thought you had to go back to sky haven today? The colonel can’t be away for too long I thought.”, you ask and he places his hands on his hips.

“My priorities are not in sky haven, they are right here making you feel better. The fleet can handle things without me for a few days.”, he smiles and ruffles your hair.

“Now, let me get you some things and I’ll be back in no time”, he winks and leaves the room. You feel guilty having Caleb take care of you when you know his job with the fleet is so important. He is the colonel after all and you don’t want to make him sick either.

You decide to try and get up so you can prove to him that you can take care of yourself. You make your way into the kitchen to make yourself some tea and Caleb is already making you something to eat by the stove.

“Hey, what are you doing? You should be in bed”, he says looking at you while you slowly walk into the kitchen.

“I’m fine to take care of myself Caleb. I’m just getting some tea”, you state and Caleb’s smile disappears. He nods and turns his attention back over to the pot in front of him.

You grab a mug from the cabinet and place a tea bag inside. You reach for the hot kettle and go to pour the water. As you are pouring you get a wave of dizziness and the water splatters all over the counter and your other hand.

“Shit”, you exclaim and set the kettle down. The hot water scorches your hand.

“Y/n are you alright?”, Caleb says in a worried tone and rushes to your side. He gently grabs your hand and sees the burn mark already forming on it. You wince at the pain and he looks at you with concern.

“I told you to rest, you never listen to me. Come on, sit down and I’ll grab the first aid kit”, he helps you sit down at the island as he goes to search for the kit. He comes back within a few minutes and sits next to you.

He opens the kit and pulls out some after burn ointment and a bandage. He puts some ointment on a cotton swab and grabs your hand. He starts placing the ointment. The sensation burns but it is bearable. As he pats on the ointment he looks up at you.

“Why don’t you ever let me take care of you?”, he asks honestly, his eyes glistening over you.

“I can take care of myself Caleb. I don’t want you to get sick or get in trouble with the fleet”, you answer him truthfully. He stops his treatment on your hand and places the bandage over it but he doesn’t let go of your hand.

“Don’t worry your pretty little head over the fleet. Like I said, they can handle a few days without me there. My priority right now is being here with you, making sure you are healthy and safe.”, he explains shifting his gaze from your eyes back to your hand. Your heart could melt at his words. Caleb has always been there to take care of you since you were both kids. He has always been by your side and made you his priority.

“I’m sorry I just don’t want to be a burden to you. We are grown up now, I don’t want to have to rely on you everytime I get sick.”, you explain and he smiles softly.

“You could never be a burden to me, pipsqueak. I enjoy being here for you and taking care of you. I always have.”, he smiles and rubs the top of your other hand. You smile and pull him into a hug and he gasps from your sudden embrace.

He quickly wraps his arms around you and gives your body a gentle squeeze. He doesn’t want to let go and takes in this moment. You rarely initiate physical contact so he wants to savor this.

“I promise to always take care of you no matter what.”, he says in a whisper near your ear. You smile and slowly pull away from the hug. He smiles and brushes your cheek with his hand.

“Now, go back to bed and I will bring you something to eat and some meds to help you feel better.”, he says and you nod. You get up and head back to bed. You lay down and within ten minutes Caleb is back with a tray of items and some medication.

Caleb helps you get better within no time, it only takes a couple days for you to fully recover. He packs his things to head back to sky haven. You secretly wished that you would have been sick a little longer so Caleb wouldn’t have to go but you know his job needs him.

“I’ll be back before you know it pipsqueak. Don’t be getting sick again while I’m gone.”, he says, patting your head at the front door to your apartment. You nod and give him a hug again. You don’t know why but lately you have been more affectionate to him. You don’t want him to leave your side.

“You make it so hard to leave you”, he sighs in your embrace, not wanting to let you go. You're the one that has to pull back and you look up at him.

“Go before I kidnap you”, you chuckle and he smiles.

“You know, that's not a bad idea”, he laughs putting his finger to his chin, insinuating that he is thinking about the idea. You swat his arm and he chuckles.

“Alright, alright I’m leaving, bye pipsqueak”, he says waving at you and you wave back. You close the door as Caleb leaves. However, as you turn to go back to your living room you hear a knock at the door. Caleb was still standing outside.

“Sorry, I forgot something”, he says and picks you up from the ground and pulls you into a tight embrace. He spins you both around a couple times making you giggle. After he is satisfied he places you back down.

“Okay thats all I needed, bye pips”, he says and places a kiss on your forehead. He exits the apartment and closes the door. He leaves you breathless and your heart racing, yearning for his return.

• —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

a/n: heyyyyyy guess whos back! sorry i have been sick literally the past 2 weeks, hence why i wrote on this topic. While i was sick i wish i had someone to take care of me but sadly my virtu boyfriends don’t exist so i had to take care of myself 😔 anyways fluff series coming to you soon i just wanted to write this headcannon first tehe

[yomithots]

Confessions: Zayne

A/N: My first fanfic that I'm posting!!! I wrote this for Valentine's day for some friends of mine that are Zayne mains <3 I hope you like it!

Tags: SFW, Fluff, Sweet, Confession, Date, Comforting, Romantic Feelings, Winery, Camping, Dinner date Word count: 4k Synopsis: You have growing suspicions of Zayne's feelings for you. What's funny is how he gradually lowers his iron walls and slips up in showing you affections. He bites the bullet to take you on an extravagant date to tell you how he feels.

⋆⁺₊❅. ────・˚₊‧ ❄ ☃︎ ❄ ‧₊˚・──── ⋆⁺₊❅.

How long has it been? Zayne can’t pinpoint the start of his feelings; all he knows is that his pining has lasted longer than just “years”. To him, his attraction to you is something so profound, indescribable even. For how long and how deep he’s been yearning, it doesn’t feel like it started in this lifetime, no, it’s as if the affection Zayne holds exists beyond him. Like it’s the fuel to his soul. No matter how painful his chest aches for you, he refuses to give an inkling of a clue to how deep his feelings run. That’s just too much for him to handle—too vulnerable. That, however, doesn’t mean that you haven’t caught onto his longing. 

You also can’t remember when you first started suspecting his feelings, but in terms of being observant, two can play that game. It’s practically a requirement to be a hunter, afterall. You have always known that Zayne was very gentlemanly, but he was particularly chivalrous to you—even if it took a while to confirm your suspicion. He would never fail to bring flowers for special events, he always opens and closes the car door, he buckles in your seatbelt himself, offers a hand to step out of the car, buys dinner and lunch at random, walks on the hazardous side of the street, stands behind you on the escalator when you wear shorts or skirts…the list goes on. While these habits are very mindful, you have always thought that he’d do these things for just about every woman, since those around him seem to respect Zayne to a high degree. Everyone has nothing but good things to say. None of his colleagues even comment about his stoic and prickly demeanor, so you originally thought that Zayne was just cold to you, even though his actions say otherwise. 

This train of thought lasted a while until you witnessed a small event. This was the beginning of you honing your focus on Zayne’s chivalrous habits. It was something no one else would bat an eyelash to, even if they were frequently around the doctor. There was a small end-of-year party that you were invited to at Akso Hospital. Having gotten there early and not being hospital staff, you volunteered to help set up decorations because everyone else was still on the floor, helping patients. Zayne and his colleague, nurse Yvonne, were in charge of picking up the food for the party. Yvonne was someone who you have known since Zayne became your PCP. She’s particularily mentioned her respect for the skillful surgeon to you in the past. This is just to say that because Dr. Zayne and nurse Yvonne work closely together, you figured that she would get similar (if not the same) treatment as you. This was until you were peering out of a window into the parking lot when you noticed Zayne and Yvonne had returned. Both the doctor and nurse had exited the car as normal people would, but Yvonne in particular seemed to be struggling to collect and balance the food to take inside. You witnessed Zayne just standing and staring at the nurse and you think the most he did was ask, “got it?”, not that you particularly heard him say it, but you saw his mouth move and Yvonne nod yes. Again, this wasn’t a specifically out-of-place event, but to you it just seemed off. About ten minutes later, Yvonne walked into the room by herself with stacked pizza boxes and bags of food hanging from her arms. You went to her to take some of the weight off. 

“Where did Dr. Zayne go?”, you ask.

“Oh, he said he needed to stop by his office first to pick up some treats he brought for the party”, Yvonne replied.

You thought it was weird for him to let someone struggle to bring food a decent way, but maybe he just needed some space away from the smell? You weren’t quite sure. He’s still a human at the end of the day and has boundaries for himself. However, outside of this event, you became hyper-aware that he doesn’t open doors for others, he doesn’t buy people meals at whim, he doesn’t walk on the hazardous side of the walkway for friends, doesn’t offer flowers to his colleagues on special events, nor does he stand behind other women on escalators. All of this was solely for one person.

Time went by and you started to pick up on more instances where Zayne doesn’t act the way you’re typically used to. Not only that but you would catch his gaze only for him to look away with blushed ears. There was once when Zayne was staring at you at a cafe, and you caught him red-handed through the reflection of a window. He didn’t realize that you could see him staring, but the look on his face was as if he was in a trance, and honestly, that was just absolutely adorable. That was not the only instance of affection that you noticed either. The Doctor often looked enamored with you but it can only be seen in reflections that Zayne was unaware of. When walking side by side, his hand often brushed against yours, but he didn't say nor do anything about it. You’d look and see the top of his cheeks and ears kissed with deep shades of pink when you glanced over at him. Sometimes the blush extended down his neck, but he still stayed radio silent about it. During the winter season, he wrapped you in his coat to keep you warm. He made sure his jackets were graced with his body heat first to keep you from getting sick, but to you, it felt like an extra layer of intimacy. This bliss lasted a while. Slowly but surely, Zayne’s endearment would become more apparent, more bolder, even. You dared not say anything though, because you wanted to give Zayne the time he needed to build courage to share his feelings. He is the definition of a “slow burn”, afterall.

It took the icy man the majority of the year to muster up his courage to finally confess to you—it had already become the next winter season when he decided. Being aware of the amount of time it took him to prepare, Zayne absolutely made sure it was worth the wait.

–

Zayne: I’ll pick you up at 12.

Zayne: Make sure you’re wearing comfortable shoes, we’re going to be out all day.

–

There was a surge of anticipation in your chest. A week ago, Zayne asked if you had a day off or could request for one to match up schedules. He said he felt like having a day trip and insisted that you join him no matter what. “Think of it as a simple date”, Zayne cooed every time you tried to pry him for details. Other than day and time, he kept the itinerary all to himself. He was mindful to remind you about the date for the whole week, though. Just as the idea faded into the background, he kept you on edge of anticipation while waiting for this mysterious day. Despite the frustration, it got you excited for what was to come.

Finally the day arrived, and you were doing your final outfit check in the mirror. A long, white silk dress that rested against the curves of your body just right. Nothing revealing, but enough to seduce. To accompany that—and to keep warm—a knitted baby blue cardigan that tied in the front and a long, gray wool overcoat topped the dress. Your hair was softly curled. It was adorned with a pearl barrette and other complimentary accessories and you were careful not to make it look overdone. Finally, just like Zayne requested, you wore comfortable white, pointed flats with a thin strap that wrapped around your ankles. A beige shoulder minibag tied the look together. Satisfied with the date outfit, you murmur to yourself in the mirror.

“Pretty girl!” You monologue, as you spritzed a jasmine-note perfume on both wrists. 

12 o’clock on the dot, there was a knock on your door. You anticipated it was Zayne, but you were expecting him to just send you a text saying he arrived. Rushing to the entrance, you open the door to see Zayne holding a bouquet of flowers with a little gift bag wrapped around the base. He was wearing a black, extended overcoat with a silver tie displayed underneath and clipped to it was the tie pin you gifted him last Christmas. His shirt was a navy blue button up that was neatly tucked into black slacks. You also noticed him wearing leather dress shoes with intricate designs carved into them. To top it all off, his hair was styled into a side part with some of his cute forehead peeking through. In front of you was a sleek man who was dressed to impress…to impress you, that is. It took a second to process exactly what was going on, but the longer you stared at Zayne, the more overwhelmingly handsome he became. Quickly, your emotions were overtaken by happiness and excitement. Your cheeks flushed red and your voice was caught in your throat. 

Zayne looks at you with his signature smirk-smile and called out to you, “Are you ready to go?”. The stylish man’s voice was music to your ears. It was deep and soothing and it brought you back to your senses. He held out an arm for you to grab so he could escort you out to the car like the gentleman he was. You take his arm after locking your apartment door and together, you take a stroll back to Zayne’s car that was parked right in front. He opened the door for you and offered his hand to hold your things as you settled in. He then buckled you in himself—his face became alarmingly close to yours. His breath felt warm on your lips as your eyes searched for his. He gently smiled and placed the bouquet in your lap. “For you”, he said as he placed your bag in the back of the car. He reappeared by your side in the driver’s seat and gave a reassuring glance just before pulling off to your mystery destination. 

The car ride was comfortable. There was classical music playing softly into the air as you guys engaged in small talk—something Zayne normally doesn’t care for, but he’s doing it for you. In the middle of conversation, you remember the little present that Zayne gave you. You hurried to open it on your lap and found a jewelry box that was velvet to the touch. When you opened it, there was a bright, topaz-stoned snowflake necklace shining in the winter sun that peered through the car window. It was absolutely gorgeous.  

“Wow, Zayne, this is stunning”, you praised.

“I’m glad you like it. Don’t put it on just yet, let me do it for you. We’re close to our first stop”. 

On cue, Zayne drives the car down a country road that leads straight to a winery. Zayne gestures for you to wait in the car. Mister Romantic got out of the vehicle and grabbed your bag from the back seat, then made his way to your car door to open it. He’s done this for you so many times by now, but this time feels more meaningful compared to before. The doctor extended his hand, providing the ultimate royalty treatment. Once standing, he leaned in for the necklace he lovingly prepared. His hands, so big and warm, carefully brushes aside your hair from the back of your neck and thumbs a soothing stroke across your skin. Zayne stared for a minute, longing to place a gentle kiss right on the spot he rubbed. At this point, you’re praying that the heat rising in your body doesn’t become apparent to the man behind. You focused on keeping your breath steady and heart calm, but the nervousness didn’t quite go away. Every movement that Zayne made was electrifying as no one’s ever been this intimately close before. Even though the action of putting on the necklace only took seconds, with how aware you were of his fingers grazing against your skin, and every breath that cools the back of your head, the moment felt like it lasted an eternity. 

“The necklace is on. Will you let me see?”.

You do a little twirl and once face to face, you flaunted him a bashful smile and prodded him, “So… How do I look?”. 

Zayne froze for a while, his eyes were taking in the sight that was you; he committed it to memory. The necklace twinkled brightly on your chest as your hair billowed in the crisp winter air—the sun illuminated a golden glow that surrounded your body. To Zayne, you were a masterpiece to be admired and to never be touched or tainted. The sounds of him clearing his throat interrupted his gawking session; his voice got stuck as he was crushing on you. 

“It looks good. You’re beautiful”, He said simply. 

Despite how nonchalant he tried to appear, he could not hide the fact that the color red dusted his neck and ears. You couldn’t help but giggle to yourself. The well-composed and dashing Dr. Zayne had just lost his composure and it was because of you. There was no “challenge accepted”, but it felt like you’ve just won in life. With your newfound confidence, you dazzled Zayne with your brightest smile, took his hand, and led him into the building.

The afternoon was perfect and filled with laughter between the two of you. Zayne managed to let loose for once, and it was obvious that he enjoyed it. You guys went through wine tasting while sharing samples to avoid getting drunk. This was especially since Zayne can't hold his alcohol and he had to drive safely. You were curious as to why Zayne chose a winery as a destination given his circumstances. Apparently, he planned to visit Dr. Noah in the Arctic next week for a birthday celebration. He didn’t want to show up empty handed or with cheap wine—no—Zayne wanted it to be special since his mentor has done so much to support him in his life. 

“Well, there’s another reason too”, Zayne started.

You looked at him from across the table, awaiting his response; your eyes were lustered with curiosity. You swirled your wine glass and took one last swig before listening.

“You’ve been stressed for a while and I thought it would be nice for you to relax” Zayne paused. His hand formed a fist and his face became focused. “I wanted to care for you today. It’s not often we get to enjoy life like this, especially not together. I’ve been reflecting on myself recently, and I felt like I should try to live outside my normal routine once in a while…especially for you. Because I want you to live a fulfilled life when you’re with me”, Zayne looks down toward your empty wine glass. You were slightly taken aback. Today it felt like you were experiencing new sides of Zayne you’ve never thought were in him. He was firm in his voice, and you can’t help but be charmed by how enamored he sounded with the idea of sharing a story together. You lean your elbow on the table and propped your head up, looking at Zayne with expectant eyes.

“So you mean to say that you’re going to treat me to more days like these in the future, Doctor Zayne?” your smile twinkled in his eyes.

“I absolutely will”, he returned a confident smirk. 

Zayne looked down to his watch and got up from the table. He then extended his hand, gesturing that it was time to leave. “Let’s go. There’s still one more place I want to take us”. 

In contrast to his normally cold demeanor, Zayne had finally smiled warmly at you. It was a beautiful sight only meant for your eyes. You grabbed his hand and didn’t let go of it as you both amble back to the car. 

The next destination was a place closer to home, but still a little ways away. As you pulled in, you noticed that this is a campsite. What was Zayne thinking to bring you…camping? After parking, Zayne’s warm hands enveloped yours as he led you to the second destination. You saw glowing lights from the distance and couldn’t help but wonder if that was where you were headed. Upon closer inspection, there were strings of lights hanging off the edge of a veranda, the area was properly isolated to withstand the chill of the winter season—it was a heartleft setup for something that was supposed to be written off as a “simple date”.  You pause for a second to take in everything that Zayne prepared. You figured that from the winery, the next destination was a restaurant, and that would have been perfectly satisfying, but this was much more than you expected. There were vintage light bulbs lining the roof, then you picked up on the sheer curtains with fairy lights peeking through and decorated the walls from indoors. Continuing your investigation, there was another vase of white flowers peering at you through the open door. The vase was standing on top of a dainty, wooden table that had a baby blue table cloth draped across. Then there were two plates and matching cutlery to accompany them, creating the perfect dinner set on the table. A picnic blanket was laid neatly on the floor and it was garnished with cute pillows and a snowman plush. You felt heat radiating from within the camper, gracing your frosted face with warmth. Your heart melted at how much effort was put into this project, how much of Zayne offered himself, again, for you. 

Your admiring session was interrupted with soft pressure under your chin—Zayne closed your jaw shut. Coming to the realization that your mouth was agape while staring, your cheeks blush pink with embarrassment.

“Can I take your expression as you liking this?” Zayne let out a small chuckle. 

You gave him an enthusiastic nod as he grabbed your hand again. Together, you headed in and Zayne took your coat and bag so you could settle in. You sat down on the picnic blanket beside your snowman friend. You recognize that it was the one that you and Zayne had won together on the first day you visited the arcade with him. Reminiscing about fond memories, you scoop Mr. Snowman into your lap and squish his cheeks. Being preoccupied with cuddle time, the next time you looked around, you saw dinner set up for two on the table. The smell of sirloin steak and truffle pasta waft your nose, no carrots in sight. You had to put Mr. Snowy to the side.

“Zayne, this looks amazing! My mouth is watering, let’s dig in?” You look at him expectantly, waiting for his signal.

Zayne matches your energy, “Let’s dig in”.

The both of you indulge in a decadent meal. Once again, the air was filled with laughter and chimes of wine glasses that were filled with a non-alcoholic beverage. The topaz snowflake that decorated your neck gleamed, even in the dim lighting. The vibes were perfect, and there was nothing that could replace how precious this moment was for the both of you. 

As dinner ended, you insisted on helping Zayne with clean-up. He tried to convince you that you didn’t have to, but he quickly understood that trying to change your mind wasted precious time that he would rather spend together. He gave in and let you do as you please. Once everything was put away, you both wallowed into a cozy nook in the corner of the camper which had a projector screen across from it. Rather than watching movies, however, you both curated a queue of songs to listen to as you chat. The music hummed quietly as you curled up next to Zayne, his arm hung over your lap. Immersed in conversation, the topic of your reunion was brought up. There were many things you and Zayne had to say to each other, and slowly, tension arose: the air became thick.

“How did you feel when you saw me for the first time after so many years?” you prompted.

The doctor became still. The silence lasted a long while, but you didn’t budge; you gave Zayne space to collect his thoughts. After about five minutes, he sighed and swallowed.

“I cannot describe my emotions very well, honestly. There were many all at once—too many.” Zayne paused.

“Even though my feelings were complex then, what I can say now is that I’m glad it happened.” Zayne took a moment to grab the controller and paused the music. He turned his whole body towards you. Hesitantly, he took one of your hands and cupped it in both of his. The grasp he had on you was firm and warm. Zayne looked into your eyes with zeal, the tension was higher than ever before.

“From when we reunited until now, there was a total whirlwind of emotions that kept stirring within me. It was like that everyday for a while. I knew I was pushing you at arms length trying to convince myself that your life didn’t need me in it—that you would be safer without me around. But that was all in vain.” 

You subconsciously gripped his hand tighter.

“I couldn’t keep pushing you away. For a long time, longer than you might know, you’ve been the only one who resided in my heart. You occupied every moment of my thoughts when I had time to spare. At one point or another, I learned from our reunion that I just can’t live my life without you.”

  Zayne’s eyes darkened ever so slightly. He looked down, lost in thought. This time you were the one to lean forward. Your free hand took his chin and guided his face to look you in the eyes. Your breaths mingled, but nothing could break your focus on Zayne. “Tell me”, your voice was soft—just a notch above a whisper.

Zanye bit his lip for a second, but his demeanor changed in the snap of a finger. 

He met his resolve. Zayne took both of your hands in his, and looked you in the eyes.

“I like you; I’ve liked you for a very long time”, Zayne took a second to study your expression. 

“I’ve tried denying these feelings, but it made me yearn for you more. Every day we spend together and part again only makes me anticipate the next time. You make me feel like you are the missing piece of my life. I feel complete with you here—beside me.” He took your hands to his lips and kissed them. 

Your voice was choked in your throat; you didn’t know what to say. You knew that this time would eventually come, but now that it’s happened, your mind went blank. Prior to the moment, You spent days fantasizing over how to accept his feelings and felt giddy over how excited you were for the event. Well, the time was now. Everything you planned for this very instant was gone—just poof. Luckily, your heart kicks in and without thinking, you hug Zayne in a tight embrace. You held him so tight that a gasp escaped from him, but he didn't pull away. Instead, he held you too, in his sturdy arms. His hug felt so safe.

As lonely as it felt, your bodies eventually parted. Neither one satisfied by the lack of warmth, but at the very least, the two of you shared this space together. Zayne looked at you with a tender gaze and your eyes smiled back at him. He’s the one who broke the silence first. “Now that we’re here, I want to ask you: will you be my girlfriend?”. Zayne’s eyes glimmered with hope as they were directed your way. You can’t help but internally laugh; it was cute and funny that Zayne was nervous right now, even though it felt like he knew the answer. In no universe and under no circumstances would you ever reject a huge cutie-snowman like him.

“Yes, Zayne. I want to be your girlfriend.”

⋆⁺₊❅. ────・˚₊‧ ❄ ☃︎ ❄ ‧₊˚・──── ⋆⁺₊❅.

[dearmash1975project]

It was fitting that Brian was the first person I spoke to for this. It was his letter, after all, and the age written on it (age 11), that touched me so deeply that it sparked this whole project. I’ll keep my methods on how I tracked him down close to the vest, so as not to illustrate how easy it is to find anyone in this digital age; needless to say– getting an email back that read “Dear Lily, Yes I did!” was thrilling. We scheduled to speak on the phone and did on July 15th, 2024.

{Interview continued under the cut}

Brian Nores was no longer 11 when we spoke on the phone. Between the passage of time and the life that fills the mind since age 11, he didn’t remember writing the letter until my email.

An email, he told me, that his partner advised him not to answer as it was “probably a scam.” Thankfully for me, Brian is “always getting himself into trouble” and answered my inquiry about a letter he may or may not have sent while living at X address in 1975. In hindsight, his partner was definitely right for being wary.

Brian credited his late father for the letter’s existence and described memories flooding back after reading the words he wrote nearly 50 years earlier. Not long before he wrote the M*A*S*H letter, Brian was a boy scout who wanted to quit. His father instructed him that he could quit, but he had to write a letter to the scout master explaining why he wanted to leave the troop. His dad ‘never let him off the hook for that,’ and it was likely this instillation of values that gave Brian the confidence to speak his mind after the fateful episode aired. [In a fascinating ending to the boy scout anecdote– Brian, who still lives in the area, was at the local frame shop years later where the owner recognized his name and produced the letter, which the scout master was having framed.]

When I asked if he remembered the episode he responded how anyone who has seen it would; he remembered it very well. He recalled being “disturbed” and “shocked” by it. In a world before spoiler alerts, he explained, “the whole world saw that episode and reacted in real time.” As an 11-year-old, but also as an American youth raised on American narratives of war, he remembered expecting Henry to “go off into the sunset” and be okay.

“For me, M*A*S*H ended after that episode.”

Brian watched occasionally after season 3 but had no idea the series continued for as long as it did (M*A*S*H aired from 1972-1983). “It was never the same, certainly.”

Brian was in 5th grade in 1975, and at his young age he had never seen something on TV that disturbing. He told me he reached out to an old friend to discuss the letter, and they reminisced about their lives at that time. “Age of innocence” was the term he used with me. At that point in his life, he had never lost any relatives or experienced any hardships. “The most shocking thing that I had experienced prior to that was a large earthquake in ’71.” For Brian, this episode marked one of the first experiences he had had with death.

It's an extraordinary level of influence to have, that the simple ‘writing off’ of a character can have such an impact on a young life. We often characterize television as a sort of hobby, one that has less of a cachet than movies; but the mechanism by which media compels our emotions is the same.

Brian reflected more on this impact when telling me that The Mary Tyler Moore Show was his favorite series, and he recalled crying at the finale in 1977. He remembered thinking “How could they end this?”

To Brian, television was “taken a little more seriously then.” With one TV, there were fights over who got to hold the clicker when you sat around the set as a family. “You got one chance to watch it.” He explained. “What a different world we live in now.”

Brian still lives in the area where he grew up and drives past his old house and “down memory lane” often. He is still close to two of his childhood best friends. He shared with me some of his thoughts on aging, a topic that still feels “surreal” to him. “Only recently have I started to experience change. Restaurants etc. going away. Everything that we grew up with has changed. TV, movies, roads, politics. I don’t like this!” He laughed. “You look in the mirror and think.”

Brian had no idea that his letter ended up in the archives of our country’s National History Museum. “Really surprised” is how he described his reaction to the news; one of the aforementioned childhood friends was “blown away.”

“What it said to me (...) was that it reaffirmed/reinforced some of the things that my dad told me. Doing the right thing and following through.” Brian shared.

“What a difference it can make. That this moment is occurring because I spent a few minutes writing.”

~~~~

Thank you so much to Brian for granting me this interview.

Subject photos courtesy of Brian: Letter-era Brian/current-era Brian, Huntington Library Garden, California.

Accession information: Photo taken by me, 3 July 2024. “Letters from viewers regarding the death of Henry Blake.” Box 22, Folder 4. M*A*S*H Television Show Collection, 1950-1984, Archives Center, National Museum of American History. https://sova.si.edu/record/nmah.ac.0117/ref359?s=0&n=10&t=C&q=NMAH.AC.0117&i=0

[maimura]

i read this at 2am ( anything for a lili fic tbhhhh ) and now i’m FINALLY writing a reblog for this 😆 !!! i am actually really glad that i ended up reading this like six hours from now because i LOVE childhood friends to lovers . and i feel like jaehyun is just so perfect for this ++ the little spin lili added was really nice SO spoilers ahead ^^

SO the beginning was really cute 💔 i just love a good heartfelt and adorable moment and to just start it off with that is PERFECTION ! ( but then again… u know thats going to hurt later on . )

LIKE LITERALLY AFTER THAT WE GET A “what if… i won’t be here tomorrow?” LIKE OH. OH OKAY. ALREADY PUTTING THE DAGGER THROUGH MY CHEST. already knew what was going to happen after that and still reading it happen… ESP WHEN Y/N LITERALLY WENTTTT TO HIS HOUSE 💔 that hurt even more… like…. why did i have to hear from somebody else that you moved when you could’ve told me 💔

AND THEY FREAKING DID THE PINKY PROMISE guys … its such a little thing to say / action to do but i always seem to still take promises to heart LMAOOO so yes … we take promises seriously over here … and when they finally meet again and jaehyun not remembering… THAT WAS SAD ?

like you can tell y/n is simply just not trying to make it obvious that she knows him, however you can see that its still on her mind during the interactions with him… AND YOU DONT EVEN KNOW IF YOU SHOULD ACT MAD BC JAEHYUN IS STILL SO SWEET

and when y/n got him things that he liked / say things that they only knew… just to see if he remembers or not…. bye that stings bc this girl just wants to know if he really did forget her 💔💔 like while reading i genuinely thought this guy just simply forgot and was waiting for them to get along as in like a fresh restart .. AND THEN HE JUST CALLED HER THE SAME NICKNAME HE DID IN THEIR CHILDHOOD. BOYYYY WHY IS HE PLAYING WITH US RIGHT NOWWWW

lwk that was valid for y/n to get upset because… why are we acting like we don’t know each other when i’ve done things from our childhood that WE should know and you’re still acting like im someone new 💔 AND LIKE ESP WHEN SHE CONFRONTED HIM ABOUT IT… AND HES STILL TRYING TO LIE LIKE PLEASEEE DROP IT 💔💔

but he didn’t 💔 and then shinyu came into the picture… GUYS (one of) MY BND BIAS AND MY TWS BIAS YOOOOO . this is My destiny…. LMAO BUT i love the sweet bond between them and jaehyun noticing them sharing that bond instead of it being her and him…

like yeah jaehyun why would lie and set yourself up 💔 do we see the consquences of your actions (jkjk) but regardless, i’m glad he ended up actually had always remembered and he was just too committed to the act due to fear ( BOY 💔💔💔💔 ) AND THEN THE SCENE WHERE JAEHYUN WAS SERENADING HER OOOOOOOOUHHHHHH THATS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUTTTT

ugh they are so cute . LIKE AND THEY KISSED TOO OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUSSSSSSS THIS IS THE ENDING WE WISHED FOR 😝😝😝😝 ( im sorry shinyu 💔 ) this is the sweetest ending yet Yes i am gracefully taking this.

THANK YOU LILI FOR WRITING THIS BANGER AND DEDICATING IT TO ME 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 you are spared…. This time ☺️❤️‍🩹 !! im glad i stayed up a little bit longer to read this <3

　ᅠ ✿　ᅠ REWIND TO YOU 　　────　ᅠ ( myung jaehyun )

𝓹recis ⠀ : ⠀your reunion with one of the most important people in your life, myung jaehyun, was not like what you hoped for at all. instead of a heartwarming session of two best friends meeting each other after a decade of lost contact, you’re facing a person who seemed to forget a meaningful childhood spent together, like it meant nothing at all.

　　　ᅠ 명재현 ⠀⠀◜◡◝ ⠀⠀𝒇 shy!reader ⠀wc 14.6k ⠀ genre fluff angst childhood friends to lovers high school au ⠀ contains mentions of food skinship random ocs some bnd members and shinyu ⠀ tagging @a-dream-bookmark ,@/k-labels , @k-nets , @k-films , @sgz-net , @onedoornet

　　　ᅠ 　　　ᅠ BEST ENJOYED WITH .. l i f e i s c o o l by boynextdoor, amnesia by boynextdoor, in bloom by zerobaseone, teenage dream by stephen dawes, unfinished business by neriah, if i say i love you by boynextdoor, old with you by grentperez, but you by ikon & serenade by boynextdoor

　　　ᅠ note ᅠ from ᅠ 𝐋𝐈𝐋𝐈 ! ᅠ i hope all of you enjoy this spin i made out of the usual childhood friends to lovers trope! and soph.. i dedicate this to you (Pls Spare me), and if you ask, yes i will dedicate every single leehan and myungjae fic to my wifey!

　　　ᅠ ＞︿ 　　please leave feedbacks 　　& 　　reblog

 “I HATE YOU, MYUNG JAEHYUN!”

Your screams echoed through the playground, accompanied by Jaehyun’s loud giggles. You took a deep breath as you chased him around, your hair flying behind you. Jaehyun had ‘cheated’ when the two of you were playing hide and seek a few minutes ago—he went on asking around the other kids if they had seen you. And one of the stupider kids did tell him that he saw you inside the slide. 

Jaehyun was quickly out of breath as he was laughing his heart out while running, and you caught up to him pretty quickly. You launched yourself at him, tackling him to the ground. You hit his chest several times, pouting. 

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry,” Jaehyun said, blocking your hits. His laughter died down, but that insufferable grin was still glued to his face. He was obviously loving all the attention he’s getting from his best friend—even though she’s sitting on top of him, sulkily pinning him to the ground. 

“It’s unfair,” you huffed. You eventually stopped hitting him, but you were still a little upset. How could Jaehyun win, especially by cheating?

“I’m sorry, Sunshine,” he said, his dreadful smirk morphing into a small yet soft smile. “You’re just too good at hide-and-seek.”

“That doesn’t mean you can cheat,” you replied, a pout still evident in your expressions. 

Jaehyun pursed his lips, and for a while, he stayed silent—the gears in his brain working to think of a solution for you. “What about this—let’s go to the convenience store and buy some Pepero or whatever you want. It’s on me!”

You couldn’t stop a smile from erupting on your face. The key to your heart was the simplest thing in the entire world: food, and Jaehyun knew this—and he often used this fact to its fullest potential. It didn’t really help that he’s your best friend, too, so he clearly knew what your favourites were. You weren’t exactly complaining, though. Jaehyun liked to tease you, and as compensation for making you a little pouty, he’d buy or offer you some food.

A win-win situation for seven-year-olds.

“Okay!” you agreed cheerfully. 

And that’s how you found yourself, happily munching on Pepero and chocolate churro chips on the way back to the playground from the store. Jaehyun walked next to you, holding a bunch of candy in his hands. 

You were munching on your snacks, and were just about to thank him for the Pepero when Jaehyun leaned in, stealing a big bite of the Pepero from your hand. 

You shrieked in shock, pouting after realising what had happened. 

“Jaehyun!” you whined, hitting his arm.

Jaehyun giggled. “You snooze, you lose,” he teased with a stupid grin. 

You crossed your arms, huffing. “Some best friend you are.”

Jaehyun’s grin immediately faltered. He quickly broke the chocolate chip cookie he was nibbling on in half, handing you the bigger piece. “Here. Best friends share, right?”

You eyed him rather suspiciously before taking it. “Fine. But you owe me for life.”

“How does that work?” Jaehyun asked, tilting his head slightly. 

“We’d have to be best friends forever,” you replied. The look on your face was enough to tell how serious you meant your words, even for a first grader. “That way, you can always buy me food every day.”

“What if… I won’t be here tomorrow?” Jaehyun asked. You immediately turned to him, confused. That wasn’t what you expected from him as an answer. 

You took a minute of munching through your chips for you to analyse Jaehyun’s doubtful expression. “What are you talking about? Don’t be silly,” you shoved his shoulder. “You’re always here.”

Jaehyun smiled, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Then, promise me—let’s be best friends,  no matter what happens.”

You paused, staring right into his eyes.  

Jaehyun looked at you, his face mixed with some kind of fondness and amusement. “Promise me, Sunshine?” he asked, holding out his pinky in a solemn promise. “Best friends forever.”

You returned his gaze, a smile forming on your face as you linked your pinky with his, sealing the promise without a second of hesitation. “Always.”

The words echoed in the air, and from the way the winds caressed your skin, it’s like the universe had taken note of your promise to each other. 

However, you were completely unaware that this would be the last day you’d spend with him. 

The next afternoon, after completing tasks that your mother had told you to do, you rushed to Jaehyun’s house—a few mere blocks away—with a bag of homemade cookies in hand. A big smile was painted across your face, you were excited to surprise Jaehyun with the sweet treats that you had baked with your mother last night. 

But something was wrong. 

The front yard, usually scattered with Jaehyun’s soccer balls and bicycles, was oddly empty. The windows were shut tight, and the driveway—where his father’s car was always parked—was vacant. 

You felt your heart thump hard against your chest. Your grip on the paper bag tightened, and you approached the front door. 

You knocked. 

Nothing. 

“Jaehyun?” 

You knocked again, harder this time. 

“Myungjae? It’s me, Y/N–”

“Sweetheart? Who are you looking for?” 

You turned towards the voice straight away. It was the old lady who lived next door, the one who always made sure to give you and Jaehyun a popsicle whenever you two passed by her house. She had a gentle yet unreadable smile on her face. You ran up to her, head spinning with a dozen questions. 

“Where’s Jaehyun?” you asked her. 

“My dear…” she began, her voice soft. “Jaehyun left early this morning.”

You blinked. The words were heavy, but you couldn’t understand what they meant. “Left? Where?”

“They moved away.”

Nothing made sense. Jaehyun moved? No one had said anything about moving. 

You looked back towards Jaehyun’s house, hoping that the door would swing open and that he would come running towards you, grinning like he always did. 

But he didn’t come. 

The house was quiet, empty. 

Your throat tightened. “But he promised to play. He said he would… stay.”

The lady kneeled in front of you, brushing a strand of hair away from your face. “I’m so sorry, my dear.”

You bit your lips, and you didn’t realise you were crying until you tasted salt on your lips. 

Later that evening, you had found yourself wandering back to the playground, the noisy chatter of kids playing around fading into the background. The paper bag still in hand, you walked around aimlessly. You could still hear Jaehyun’s laughter ringing in your ears, the sound of your footsteps blending with his as you two ran around. 

Jaehyun was gone.

And he didn’t even say goodbye. 

You sat down at a bench overlooking the playground where the two of you always played, staring at the place where you both had linked pinkies and made a promise. A promise you had believed in with all your heart.

A promise that, it seemed, only you remembered.

“I’LL see you after school, sweetie,” your father says into your hair. You set your lips into a line, nodding timidly. 

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” your mother asks, appearing from behind your father. “We can always accompany you to school–”

“Darling,” your father reminds your mother by putting a gentle hand on her arm. “Our Y/N will be fine. She’s almost eighteen now, I’m sure she can handle it all.” 

You give your parents a reassuring smile before walking away, each step bringing you uncomfortably away from home.

The morning felt weird, anyway. You’re here, in a new school, in a state you’ve never set foot to before. The air here feels like a heavy fog, clinging to your chest as you stand in front of the towering school building. You could feel the weight of an agonising unknown pressing down on you. It’s a sensation that you could never get used to, despite the sun peeking through the clouds, and the bustling cacophony of students around you. You stand at the gates, fingers tightly grasping the straps of your backpack. You take a deep breath, remembering your mother’s advice to help overcome your nerves. 

You walk into your new school, the new feeling of being somewhere so unfamiliar enveloping you. It feels different from the school you left behind—the campus is bigger here, the hallways seemed endless and much wider, and each turn made you feel like you’re lost in a looping maze. They even have a separate building for the library.

You find your footsteps slowing down as you reach the middle of the common area, unsure of where you should go. Your eyes dart here and there, desperately trying to find some kind of clue that could help you. 

You had always been the quiet one, preferring to keep to yourself, listening more than you talked, the one that often found herself slipping to the background of a party and corner of classrooms. Currently surrounded by boisterous students, each seeming to know what they’re doing, you feel slightly overwhelmed. The school map you opened on your phone suddenly feels too complicated for you to understand. 

Suddenly, something solid crashes against the back of your head, causing you to stumble forward, the impact hard enough to make the books you’re holding fall to the ground. 

“Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry!”

You turn to reply, but find your words stuck in your throat. 

A tall guy in a basketball jersey stands before you, his hair tousled in an athletic tangle. He picks up the ball—the solid object that hit the back of your head a moment ago—and scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. He gives you a sheepish smile, trying his best to convey how sorry he is—but you’re too focused on his sharp features and messy brown hair. It’s all too familiar. 

Myung Jaehyun. 

Before you could say anything, he leans down and picks up your books. He hands them to you, a charming smile replacing whatever backward expression he had earlier. “Careful there, newbie,” he says, teasing. “Wouldn’t want to be trampled on your first day here, no?”

You take your books from him, dazed. 

He doesn’t recognise you. 

You watch as he jogs back to his friends, spinning the orange ball in his hands. You stand there, exactly where he left you, unsure of what to do next. 

YOU’RE sitting alone at lunch, perfectly at peace with your packed lunchbox. You sit quietly, not wanting to stand out. This is your first day at a completely new school, and the last thing you want is to make yourself the centre of attention. 

Unfortunately, fate had written that this was your first mistake. 

You’re about to enjoy your lunch in the comfort of solitude, a figure that you didn’t expect to see, again, slips into the seat in front of you.

“Hey, newbie,” you hear Jaehyun say as he takes a seat. “Eating alone?”

You simply nod, not knowing what to say. 

“So, um,” Jaehyun finds himself stuttering after not receiving a reply from you. “You’re the new student, right? That explains the self-introduction in class just now.”

You nod again. Seeing the pitiful look on his face, masked poorly by a confident demeanor, you decide to reply. “Yes. I just moved here.”

Jaehyun’s face lights up like a lightbulb. 

“I’m Jaehyun, if you didn’t know that,” he grins. “I’m in your homeroom! My seat is behind you.”

You noticed that, of course. Who wouldn’t recognise someone whose laugh echoed throughout the room, brightening the atmosphere like the rays of a bright spring morning?

You give him a small smile. 

“Your seatmate, Sanghyeok, is my friend! He told me you seemed… er, lonely,” he hesitates for a while, “so I came up with a genius plan,” Jaehyun reveals with a grin that you’re a bit too familiar with. 

He’d always flash that big smile towards you whenever he wanted to propose a plan, but didn’t really want to take credit for it, in case it was a little too ridiculous. 

“What is it?” you reply. 

“We should be friends,” Jaehyun responds, and your eyes widen almost immediately. 

What does he mean by that?

Your heart begins to race, not just because you’re shocked to see Jaehyun, who was once the most important person in your life, after so many years—but from the fact that he naturally is taking charge, like it’s the easiest thing in the world. Like it came to him with no hesitation. 

“It’s all good! I talked to my friends—Sanghyeok, Sungho, Yoona and Minji—about this, and they all seem pretty cool about it.”

“Oh,” is all you’re able to manage. Everything is moving a little too briskly, and you’re feeling a bit dizzy from how fast things are escalating. 

You feel your brain short-circuiting. 

Just like that?

No hesitation? No ‘wait, Y/N? Is that you?’? No recognition?

You swallow hard. 

“Thank you?” you say, wary. You take a small bite of your sandwich. “I appreciate it.”

“Of course,” Jaehyun beams, and as if on cue, he waves towards a group of people behind you. You turn around, eyes slightly bulging at the way Jaehyun’s friends are quickly approaching your table. You recognise Sanghyeok, naturally, and the girl with a bubbly smile that you assume would be Yoona, but the rest of his friends are new faces for you. 

Jaehyun barely left any room for you to process anything. 

As quickly as they came, the air begins to smell like snacks and sports equipment—a strangely uplifting scent. 

“Guys, meet Y/N!” Jaehyun announces as soon as his friends arrive, putting away their things. “She’s the new kid I told you guys about.”

You look at him for a few seconds. 

Jaehyun is beaming with a smile, and the way he introduced you with such confidence, like you’ve been best friends since forever, makes your heart thump in a weird way.

“Wow, that was fast,” the tall, broad shouldered boy comments, whistling playfully. “Already claiming her as one of us?”

Jaehyun puffs his chest out. “Of course, I have a talent for spotting good people–”

“Hi, nice to meet you, Y/N,” Yoona quickly says, rolling her eyes at Jaehyun. She takes the empty seat next to you. “We’re in the same homeroom. My name is Im Yoona.”

You give her a polite smile. 

A girl with sharp eyes and an amused smile displayed on her face slips into the seat next to Yoona. “So, did he actually ask if you’d like us to sit with you, or did he have you sit here unwillingly?”

You hesitate. “Unwillingly…?”

“Shut up, Minji,” Jaehyun grumbles as the entire group bursts into laughter. 

“That’s Jaehyun for you,” Sanghyeok, your desk mate, says to you. He then gives you a warm smile, just like earlier. “Do you like how KOZ Academy is so far?”

You take a little bite out of your sandwich. “It’s fine. I like how big the campus is.”

“That’s what I always brag about this school,” Minji, who’s been quiet for a while, adds in. The smile on her face is relaxed. “I’ve been here since freshman year, and I still can’t fathom the way we have a swimming pool and tennis courts.”

You nod enthusiastically, recalling how you did see the facilities she mentioned in the school map. 

“Speaking of that, should we give the newbie a tour of the school?” Jaehyun suggests, his face lightening up with excitement. He barely swallows his food as he’s giving you a bright, friendly grin. 

“You speak of her like she’s not in front of you,” the tall boy sighs. He turns to you, smiling apologetically. “I’m sorry. Y/N, isn’t it? I’m Sungho.”

You nod. “Yeah. Nice to meet you.”

“Do you want us to give you a tour of the school?” Yoona asks. She gestures to Jaehyun. “Don’t worry, this dumbass won’t be in charge of it.”

“Hey!” Jaehyun exclaims. 

“You’ll just show her the boring parts of school,” Minji chimes in. 

Jaehyun makes a bewildered expression. “I will not–!”

“Remember the time when Sanghyeok first came to this school? You showed him all the unnecessary classrooms that you didn’t have time to show him where the lunch card machine is,” Sungho adds, laughing.  

Jaehyun rolls his eyes. He passes you a snack. “You’re all so dramatic. Anyway,” he says, shifting his gaze to you. “Don’t mind them, Y/N. You’re welcome here—just sit back and relax.”

You nod, suddenly hyper aware of the fact that it’s the only reaction you’re able to give them so far. You’re not so sure that you’re able to relax when all these new faces have their eyes on you, but surprisingly, their energy isn’t too bad. It’s welcoming, bustling with a friendly spirit. It’s uncomfortable, sure, but it’s not unkind. 

Jaehyun passes you another snack he grabbed from Sanghyeok’s stash, and something in your chest begins to warm. 

Maybe it’s not too bad at all. 

THE next day feels like a dream. 

You arrive at school pretty early, and much to your surprise, you’re greeted warmly by Yoona, who also happens to arrive at the same time as you. She hops off the bus and jogs towards you, catching up to you as soon as you park your bicycle. 

“Good morning, Y/N,” she smiles at you. 

You mirror her expression. “Good morning.”

“It’s still early… Do you want to go to the common area?” Yoona suggests. “I’m sure the rest will already be there.”

You simply nod. “Cool. Let’s go.”

Yoona links her arm with yours, and together, you walk towards the common area. It’s bustling and loud despite it being only half past seven. Most of the energy radiates from Jaehyun and his group of friends: the boys are tossing a basketball up and down—even though they’re clearly indoors, and they shouldn’t be playing with a ball inside. Minji sits on the sofa nearby, leaning back as she lazily reads through a novel, completely unbothered with the ruckus around her. 

As soon as you arrive, Yoona puts her bag down, sitting down next to Minji and they both begin chatting about whatever topic that comes to mind. You, however, aren’t used to this kind of energy—fast-paced, full of jokes and friendly banter. You sit at the edge of the sofa, unsure of how you’d insert yourself into the conversation. 

Jaehyun, on the other hand, is thriving. As always. 

“Bet I can make the shot from here,” he brags, crumpling a snack wrapper in his hands. He gestures to the trash can, located at the far corner of the room. 

“No way,” Sungho scoffs. “That’s, like, ten feet away.”

“You’re all talk, MJ,” Sanghyeok chimes in, laughing. 

Jaehyun smirks, turning to you. “Yo, new kid. Believe in me?”

You meet his eyes, blinking profusely. “Uh…” 

The group laughs, and Jaehyun gives you an exaggerated gasp. He puts a hand over his chest in a dramatic manner. “Wow. The hesitation? I’m hurt.”

“Well–” you say, pausing. You’re unsure if you should say what your thoughts really are, or if you should play it safe. You bit your lip, suddenly feeling self-conscious of the way you’re sitting.

“You’ll miss, definitely,” you quietly mumble. 

For a second—one that felt way too long—Jaehyun stares. 

Then, he throws his head back, laughing his lungs out. “Yo, she’s got a bite! I like her.”

You gape at him, not knowing what to respond to the grin he flashed at you amidst his loud laughter. Your face begins to burn, but the others are nodding in approval.

“Good job,” Minji pats your shoulder. “You’re keeping him humble.”

Sanghyeok hands you a juice box, grinning like his gesture is a kind of initiation. “You’re officially one of us.”

You hesitate, but eventually accept it. 

“Told you you’d fit right in,” Jaehyun says, nudging your side as he grins. 

And just like that, you find yourself smiling back. 

YOU’RE not sure if it’s just you, or it’s that Jaehyun does not remember you at all. It has been quite a long time, you admit that, but you don’t think that it’s reasonable for someone to completely forget someone so important, no matter how long you’ve been without them.

So, for the following weeks, you decided to test the waters, to see if Jaehyun truly did forget you, that if you’re just a passing memory in his childhood. 

“Jaehyun!” you exclaim, running up to the soccer court. The boy perks up, his eyes lightening up as he watches you jog up to him. He was scrolling animatedly on his phone, but when he heard his name being called by you, whatever that he was interested in was tossed aside. 

“Are you done with soccer?” you ask, panting slightly. 

Jaehyun nods. 

“What’s up, newbie?” he then grins, wiping off his sweat using the towel hanging around his neck. 

You cringe slightly at the nickname. “I have a name, you know.”

Jaehyun laughs, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sorry, Y/N. What’s wrong though?”

“Nothing,” you reply. You then rummage through your backpack, bringing out a bunch of strawberry fruit roll-ups. You give Jaehyun a small smile before handing them to him. “Here, I thought you’d want them after practice.”

Jaehyun beams, delightfully grabbing the candies. He opens one of them, and when he’s about to put it in his mouth, he pauses mid-action. His eyes turn straight to you, looking fixedly into your gaze. “Wait.” 

You bite the bottom of your lips, trying to contain yourself. 

“What?”

“How’d you know I like these?”

Your eyes bulge slightly, and you quickly purse your lips together to mask a smile. You knew Jaehyun liked these—ever since you started being friends with him, he had made it clear that he liked everything and anything that tastes like strawberries. You remember spending a lot of time in your childhood, trying the various breeds of strawberry, as well as strawberry candies and snacks that Jaehyun had shared with you; and over time, you just naturally knew specifically what he liked.

And turns out, the five foot seven inches high school senior that’s standing in front of you with a baffled expression on his face still does like strawberry flavoured things. 

He is the Myung Jaehyun that your heart holds dear, even after so many years. 

You shrug. “Just a feeling.”

Jaehyun places the fruit roll-up in his mouth, his gaze still trained on you. In his eyes, you can see that he’s questioning your words. But as the candy melts in his mouth, the doubt begins to dissipate, and his charming smile reappears. 

“Thank you,” Jaehyun’s grin twinkles. He grabs another candy and pops it into his mouth.

“These things are crazy—I can’t get enough of how good they taste!” he begins to chatter as he packs his things, his movement as swift as the speed of the words coming out of his mouth. When he’s done, he stands up straight and looks towards you, the expression in his eyes cheerful and full of energy. 

“Let’s go?” Jaehyun prompts. 

You adjust your backpack’s straps on your shoulders. “Go… where?”

“Home?” Jaehyun replies, perching up his eyebrow. He looks at you like you’ve asked the dumbest question he’s ever heard. “You live in my neighbourhood, don’t you? I always see you cycling home from the grocery store on Saturdays.” 

You hesitate. 

The fact that you do live in the same neighbourhood as Jaehyun does is bothering you in ways you’d never thought it would. It reminds you of the painful separation you faced in your early years of life, and to be hit with such a strong déjà vu years later, you’re not sure if you can handle it. 

Seeing you waver, Jaehyun wears his bag on one shoulder, putting his other arm around you. Your shoulder tense, feeling weird at how he’s so completely at ease with you, like he’s grown up with you for years. 

“It’s okay, Y/N,” he says, his voice oddly absent from the cocky confidence he usually wears. Instead, his voice is comfortingly firm. “C’mon, let’s walk home together.”

As he walks with you to the school gate, the warmth of him being close to you makes your heart ache in ways that are alarmingly familiar. 

IT’S been a few weeks of you trying to execute your attempts at making Jaehyun remember you. But, of course, your efforts decided to fail you. It’s annoying—the way he’s obviously out there treating you like you’re the greatest friend he’s ever had, yet whenever you bring up an old joke or an old nickname that you used to call him, he puts on this confused face that makes you want to slap him and yourself. 

One day, during an afternoon study session, you and your friends had pushed your desks together to mug up upon your studies. You were seated between Yoona and Sanghyeok, and directly in front of you was Jaehyun. 

Tired of solving math problems, you began watching Jaehyun solve a math problem, leaning over his desk. His brows were furrowed deeply, showing how tricky the math problem was. And you notice one thing. 

He was subconsciously sticking out the tip of his tongue slightly. It clicked inside your head, and a roll of memories came playing into your sight. His habit is still the same—exactly like he used to when the two of you were playing jigsaw puzzles. 

You snorted to yourself. “You still do that?” you whispered to yourself. 

However, your whisper was loud enough for your friends to catch. “Do what?” Yoona asked, perking up from her physics homework. 

Her question pulled the entirety of Jaehyun’s attention, and his eyes were locking with yours at once. He had a questioning look on his face, and he didn’t say anything, waiting for you to answer. 

Your eyes widened, and you immediately shook your head. “Nothing,” you stammered, looking away as you bit the inner corner of your cheek.

A few days after that, you were sitting on the bleachers of your school’s soccer field, your homework sprawled over your lap. Jaehyun had made you and the girls come over to watch him, Sungho, and Sanghyeok play soccer at the field. You and Minji didn’t want to at first, but Yoona saw it with a positive note—you were sick of studying at the library every afternoon, so studying at the field could be a nice change. 

It was a windy November afternoon, and autumn was giving way to winter, so every single gush of wind felt like a harsh bite to the skin. You squinted, trying to do your homework as you fought with the wind and the coldness it brought along. You’re not too interested in sports, and it didn’t help that you got there when the match was already halfway through, so you didn’t understand a thing that was going on. 

One thing for sure is that it was quite an intense match. 

“I’m not sure if this was a good idea,” Minji muttered. She shoved her hair into her coat, zipping it up. “My hair is flying everywhere and I can’t even see Sanghyeok. How am I supposed to do anything?”

“Sanghyeok, huh?” Yoona laughed. “You can see them a bit—see, look!” she exclaimed, pointing at the slightly smaller figure of the boys, fiercely in their game. “Sungho and Jaehyun’s about to score!”

Hearing that, you immediately looked up from your homework, your attention officially snatched away from the assignment. You watched intently as the game progressed: Sungho, with the ball in his control, dodged a tackle, swiftly running through the field before powerfully passing the ball towards Jaehyun, who effortlessly scores their winning goal. 

It’s a friendly match between your school’s soccer team and another school, but the celebration that roared through was something else. 

Sanghyeok pulled Jaehyun and Sungho into a bear hug, ruffling both their heads. You heard Jaehyun’s victorious laughs and screams echoing around the air. You smiled.

Soccer has always been one of his passions, and seeing him flourish in it makes your heart bloom in ways you never imagine it would. 

You were proud of him, and it’s a refreshing feeling that you never got to feel years ago, when seven-year-old Jaehyun was telling you all about his soccer dreams. 

After freeing himself from Sanghyeok, Jaehyun ran up to the bleachers. Much to your surprise, he was headed straight to you. He came up to you with a pleasant grin, his face flushed with sweat. 

“Hey, I did it,” he said, breathless. He brought his hand out for a high-five. 

And before you could even think, you stood up and clasped his hand in the old secret handshake from your childhood with him. It came to you like second nature—you couldn’t even stop yourself. 

Jaehyun stiffened, his hand still clasped around yours. 

You were equally as shocked as he is. 

Why did you even do that? 

And what was that reaction?

However, Jaehyun was quick to react—he laughed it off, quickly redoing it into a normal high-five. He gave you another grin before turning away to chug water, leaving you confused and unconvinced. 

Now, you’re not too sure that Myung Jaehyun actually forgot you. 

This theory was drilled into your head even more after another incident or two. 

It was a random Tuesday, where Jaehyun had dragged you and the girls to accompany him to do soccer drills at the field with his team. 

“Remind me why we need to do this again,” Minji grumbled, slumping against the seat. 

Yoona sighed, stifling back a grin. “Because MJ said so.”

“I don’t understand! Why can’t we just wait for them at the library? We need to study anyway,” Minji complained, stomping her feet in frustration a few times. 

“They probably just need some moral support,” you chimed in, watching absentmindedly as Jaehyun is making his team run around the field. 

“They’re seniors already, they should be done with all this,” Minji huffed. 

Yoona shrugged. “You know how they are with soccer.”

“Absolute maniacs,” Minji commented, shaking her head. 

You simply nodded and chuckled along to their conversation, eyes trained on Jaehyun coordinating his teammates in soccer training. The actions then became repetitive, and you quickly got bored. You stared off into space, zoning out. Then, without you realising, a soccer ball from a group of freshmen that were practicing near your seats came flying directly towards you. 

Before you could react, Jaehyun instinctively stepped in front of you, shielding you from the ball with his body. 

The ball bounced off him with a thud, and you gasped. You rushed towards him, Minji and Yoona following you from behind. 

“Jaehyun, are you okay?” you asked frantically. 

Jaehyun picked up the ball, turning slightly to give you a grin that tells you that he’s okay. “I’m okay!” he answered, flexing his bicep. “See?” 

And the memory hitted you like a truck—all this reminded you of the time when the two of you were kids, when Jaehyun would always stand in front of you during dodgeball insisting “you’re too small to get hit!”

A quiet gasp escaped between your lips. “You always do this,” you muttered. 

Jaehyun, who was about to walk back to his teammates after tossing the ball back to them, turned to you. “Do what?” he asked, tilting his head slightly. Your eyes narrowed—you could tell that he was feigning innocence. 

“Never mind,” you said, giving him a tight smile. Jaehyun nodded, and you watched him jog back to his teammates, carrying out the practice like usual, a million thoughts racing through your mind. 

He remembers. 

The next week, on a Thursday, you had just gotten back home from your after school Chemistry class—Jaehyun and his mother had dropped you off. After cleaning yourself up and changing into your pyjamas, you sat down at your desk, wanting to get some homework done before you ate dinner. 

Then, your phone pinged with a text notification from Jaehyun. 

hey sunshine

Are u done with the english hw? i wanna see how u did it

Sunshine. 

The nickname that Jaehyun used to love calling you when the two of you were kids, and used to live only a few houses away from each other back in your old neighbourhood. He used to call you that because, quoting him, your smile was as precious as the sunshine on a winter morning. You didn’t—and still don’t—genuinely smile often, but Jaehyun was one of the only people who could trigger it out of you with not too much effort. 

The nickname meant a lot to you. 

You stared at the message in a daze, and when you finally were about to reply, the text was gone. 

y/n, i meant

sorry

You held your hand against your chest, heart pounding like crazy. 

“What the hell was that?” you whispered to yourself. 

So he does remember. 

IT’S a Friday, and you’re sitting down at your desk, unable to focus your brain into another set of math problems. Instead, you sit there, pretending to read through your completed English essay while sneaking glances at Jaehyun. He’s laughing about something with Minji and Sungho, effortlessly conforming with his friends, flashing that same stupid grin that you’ve always remembered from your childhood. 

Your fingers curl around the edges of your desk. 

How could he look so familiar yet feels so distant like a stranger?

You desperately want to believe that he’s forgotten—too much time has passed. But deep down, you know that it doesn’t make sense. He’s too comfortable around you, too quick to include you too. He’s too at ease around you, especially for someone who’s apparently just met you for around two months. 

And the worst part? Your heart is still skipping a beat every time you look at him. Your heart still reacts the same way it did when you were kids—probably even more defined now—cheeks turning pink at his gestures, heart warming at his voice. 

This isn’t fair. Nothing is.

You watch as he ruffles Minji’s hair, annoying her by ruining her hair that she spent an entire morning trying to perfect. He laughs as she swats his hand away, hissing curses at his face. 

He used to do that to you. 

Your grip tightens. 

Maybe you’re just overthinking it. Maybe he really did forget, after all. 

But you can’t just get it out of your head—the way Jaehyun treats you, the small, fleeting glances and the way he easily includes you in every conversation he has and everything he does. It makes you doubt yourself. 

And why do you even care so much?

You turn away, biting your lip. It’s stupid. Everything is just so dumb—you shouldn’t be jealous or feeling worked up about some boy that happened to still be the most important part of your life even after so many years. You shouldn’t even bother yourself with something that happened years ago. You know you shouldn’t hold on to memories that you’re not even sure he still held. 

But you are.

And that fact alone is making you despise everything.

BY the end of the day, you’re lazily packing your bag after the last bell rang. You’re drained after an entire week of classes and endless assignments, and you don’t know if you can survive your after school Math class. Beside you, Sanghyeok is also packing his bag—but he’s doing so at a much faster pace than you are. He gives you an acknowledging smile, a piece of bread in his mouth, before walking out of the classroom. 

“MJ, are we going to the extra football practice coach said we’d have earlier?” Sungho asks, stacking his books into an organised pile before sliding them into his bag. 

Jaehyun looks up from his phone, humming. “Yeah, I’ll go. I’m the captain—can’t miss any sessions, can I?”

Sungho nods in agreement, but before he could say anything in return, Jaehyun’s focus is already shifted to you. 

You’re packing your bag slowly, as if by doing that, you’re able to avoid going to your after school class. You zip your backpack close, feeling someone’s gaze boring into you. You look up, turning towards the source of the tingling sensation. 

“Going home already?” Jaehyun asks, an idle grin displayed on his face. 

You slip your arms into your puffed coat. “Yeah,” you nod, “I have extra class.”

“Let me walk you home,” Jaehyun says, zipping his bag shut smoothly. He swings it over his back. 

“Jaehyun, we have practice,” Sungho reminds. He’s already at the door, gesturing with his chin. 

Jaehyun swats his hand, without even looking at his friend. “It’s fine—you can go first.”

As Sungho leaves with a sigh, Jaehyun grins at you. “C’mon. Let’s stop for some tteok skewers while we’re at it too.”

You stare at him, eyes unblinking. 

Is he being serious? Why is he always insisting on walking you home? Doesn’t he realise what his actions are doing to you? 

Your frown begins to deepen as you recall Jaehyun’s treatment of you ever since you transferred to KOZ Academy: always next to you, effortlessly handing you snacks and drinks—specifically the ones you always preferred, always seeming to prioritise you over everything else that he has; walking you home, buying you food as often as possible, and all the other little things that made your heart somersault. 

You don’t want any of this. 

You don’t like how conscious you are of yourself whenever he’s around. You don’t like how he makes you feel like you’re the most important person in this world. You don’t like how he makes you all smiles—you despise the way he easily brings you out of your shell. 

You clench your fists. 

This is ridiculous. You are being ridiculous. 

Jaehyun has been nothing but very kind and welcoming to you since you first came here. He has included you, so naturally nothing seemed awkward or forced. He introduced you to his friends, and they were all so welcoming you feel like you’ve been friends for ages. He treated you like any other classmate, normal and friendly. 

And that is the problem. 

Because you know that, to Jaehyun, you’re just like any other person here. You’re just a normal classmate. Not the girl who used to braid flowers into his hair as the two of you talked under the shade of the oak tree, chatting your afternoon away. Not the girl that he used to enthusiastically greet every day, eager to share his strawberries. Not the girl that he swore he’d never leave behind. 

You know you mean as much to him as much as his other friends do. You know that his stomach doesn’t do this funny dance whenever you’re around. You know that his cheeks don’t become warm whenever he hears your voice. You know he doesn’t look forward to seeing you every day, like it’s one of the only things that keep him going. 

Your throat burns with this feeling. It’s stupid. You hate whatever’s going on—the faint sliver of hope that Jaehyun just might remember you after all. Maybe he was just pretending. 

But for what?

Because everytime you look into his eyes, you don’t see the Jaehyun you cherished with your entire heart. All you see is someone, still the same Myung Jaehyun, who had long since moved on. 

You’re fine on your own. You know that. You’ve always been. 

You’ve always been by yourself, you didn’t realise how fun and fulfilling it’d be when there’s a special someone in your life. 

When Jaehyun left with no warning ten years ago, you had thought it was the end of the world. You had put yourself through the painful process of moving on, of finally accepting that maybe Jaehyun wasn’t meant to be yours forever all along. 

But then, Jaehyun reappeared. He made his way back into your life, a decade later, as smoothly as the way he first introduced himself to you as a four year old. 

Yet he had the audacity to treat you like you’re a new friend. 

You close your eyes for a quick moment, trying to suppress all the memories that are rushing back into your head. 

“C’mon, Y/N, you’ll be late for your class,” Jaehyun says, tapping your shoulder. It brings you back to reality, and without realising, you’re staring sharply at him with that alarming sensation of tears collecting in your eyes. 

Jaehyun, of course, is quick to notice this. His grin fades into a frown. “What’s wrong? A-are you sick?”

You inhale sharply, taking your bag. “No,” you say, slowly shaking your head. “Nothing’s wrong.”

“Okay,” you hear Jaehyun quietly responding as you walk past him. You walk out of the classroom and into the hallways, too tired to even stop Jaehyun from following you. You let him accompany you to the after school tuition centre in town, silently waving him goodbye as you watch him cycle back to school. 

You turn around, sighing. 

YOU know you’re about to hit the end of your patience. 

Your school is hosting a winter festival, organised by juniors and sophomores, a few days before winter break. It’s fun when you think about it, but not as much when you’re paired with Jaehyun for a game. 

The school courtyard is bustling with students, all bundled up in wooly scarves, mittens and puffy jackets, gathered together at the booths set up for your school’s winter festival. The ground is carpeted with white, fresh snow, and a large part of it had transferred into a battlefield for snowball fights, complete with stacks of hay, snowbanks, and random objects as forts. 

“Sorry Y/N,” Yoona says, setting her lips into an apologetic line. 

You shook your head, sighing. Everyone is already paired up with each other—Minji with Sanghyeok, Yoona with Sungho—and you’re left with Jaehyun for the snowball game. You look at Jaehyun, who looks very eager. 

“You’re with me, Y/N!” he exclaims, sliding his arm around your shoulders. His smile is bright and, as much as you didn’t like it, it makes you smile too. 

“So we’re going to draw some sticks and see which teams are going to go against each other,” Jihyeon, one of the juniors in charge of the snowball game booth, says as she comes up to you and your friends. 

“You can go first,” you say to Minji, and she nods. 

She reaches her hand in the cup Jihyeon is holding out, and pulls out a random popsicle stick. The edge of it is coloured red. 

“It’s red?” she asks, a little confused. 

Jihyeon smiles. “That means you’ll be competing against another team who pulled out a red stick!”

“That’s us!” Jaehyun, who’s standing next to you, suddenly exclaims. He holds a red popsicle stick in his hand. You turn to him, slightly surprised. You didn’t even realise he had been picking a popsicle stick for the two of you. 

“You don’t mind me picking for us… Do you?” he whispers to you. You give him a small smile before shaking your head. 

“I don’t mind.”

You and Jaehyun are going against Minji and Sanghyeok for the snowball game, while Yoona and Sungho are fighting against another pair of seniors. Jihyeon gave each team five minutes to make as many snowballs as possible. You and Jaehyun worked your best to form the snowballs—you weren’t too good at handling cold snow, but Jaehyun seemed to be the best at it. 

“We’ll win this,” Jaehyun says to you, crouching down behind your side of the area. You crouch down next to him, awkwardly nodding. 

He smiles at you in reassurance, and some kind of positive energy fills you up. 

And before you could even process any of it, Jihyeon blows the whistle, indicating the start of your snowball fight. A chaos, made out of crazed giggles and snowballs crashing against bodies, begins to erupt, and you lose sight of Jaehyun in the middle of it.

Jaehyun is immediately in his element—his snickering laughter ringing through the school courtyard as he hurls snowballs at Minji and Sanghyeok. He ducks and dodges behind a snowbank, his chequered brown and red scarf flying behind him like a flag. 

You’re standing awkwardly behind a stack of hay tall enough to cover you, holding a snowball with both of your hands.  Jaehyun suddenly lands next to you, and as soon as he sees you, he tilts his head with a smirk. “Y/N,” he says loudly against the frenzy, “you’re supposed to throw the snowball, Sunshine, not hold on to it like a favourite teddy bear.” 

Jaehyun gives you a teasing grin before dashing off to hurl more snowballs towards Sanghyeok, triple the amount he just threw to his face moments ago.

You remain there, standing still. 

Sunshine? What was that? 

Your cheeks turn pink underneath your knitted scarf, and it’s hard to tell whether that was caused by the cold or from the way that Jaehyun’s grin made your heart flip. 

You watch as Jaehyun plays around in the snow, his giggles resonating around the air. You stand there, your heart thumping loudly in confusion. 

He definitely remembers. 

You absentmindedly take a step back, clutching the snowball in your hands harder, the stinging cold no longer bothering you. 

A second later, Jaehyun arrives next to you, almost slipping. He pants, and despite that, he’s still grinning joyfully. He locks his gaze with yours, and upon noticing your expression, his smile falters a little.

“Y/N?” Jaehyun asks, “are you okay? Why aren’t you playing?”

“‘Sunshine’,” you state plainly, eyes unblinking. “What was… that?”

Jaehyun freezes. He opens his mouth, but for a while, nothing comes out. He stares at you, something unreadable clouding his eyes. The wind blows at his messy hair, flopping against his forehead. 

“What are you talking about?” he asks, chuckling rather sheepishly. 

You narrow your eyes. You’re not letting this go. “Jaehyun,” you press on. “Answer me, Myungjae.”

Upon the nickname, his eyes widens.

Jaehyun hesitates, and for a while, it looked like he was about to give you the answer you desperately wanted. However, your hopes were crushed as a snowball from Minji came hurling towards your direction, crumbling upon impact against your hair. Jaehyun’s eyes widens, and his focus turns back to the snowball match.

“We have a minute left,” he says, rushingly grabbing several snowballs. He’s about to turn to Minji and Sanghyeok, wanting to throw more snowballs at them—but he pauses. He leans close, brushing snow out of your hair with his free hand. 

Your breath catches in your throat. A rush of warmth goes up your cheeks, despite the raging emotions and thoughts in your head. 

He’s too close. 

Jaehyun chuckles. After making sure all of the snow is gone, he ruffles your hair, trying his best to make it look okay again. “There,” he says, his voice low and comforting. “All good.”

You watch him turn his focus back to the snowball frenzy, unable to utter a word. You stare at him, his grin decorating his already handsome face. Your heart claws against your chest as you try your best to pull your eyes away from Myung Jaehyun, who looks too gorgeous with his brown hair adorned with sparkly snowflakes. 

You know he’s lying. You know he remembers. 

But why is he doing all this?

THE last bell of the day rings, the entire school erupts in a chatter of celebration. Students run out of their classrooms, walking out with their friends as they chat the rest of the day away. Several student council members are doing several of their last duties of the day, making sure that everything is perfect before leaving the school for a month. 

You’re at your locker, double-checking everything. You make sure to stuff your bag with things that you’re not too confident at leaving at school for a month—your chemistry textbook, the mirror that your old friends got you. You also made sure to replace the tape that’s holding up the polaroid pictures of you and your family, hoping that it’d stay up for longer this time. 

Your eyes linger around the polaroid of you and Jaehyun—taken at the young age of six. It was the first day of school, you vividly remembered. 

You used to look at that picture with a bittersweet, reminiscent feeling. You always used to look at that picture with some kind of hope that you’d meet Jaehyun one day. 

But now, you can’t do that anymore. 

You glance at Jaehyun’s direction, a few metres away from you. He’s at his locker with his friends, Ricky and Sungho. He’s laughing, as always, and he’s effortlessly blending in like he always did. He’s enjoying his time with his friends, like he didn’t just spend the last few months unknowingly ripping you into pieces. 

How could he be so carefree when you’re feeling like this?

You hate it. So much. 

Too much.

You hate how your chest aches whenever you catch Jaehyun looking at you, the way he looked at you like any other classmate, betraying the years you spent together. You hate how he seemed to have easily erased you from his past, like you meant absolutely nothing to him. You hate how he seemed to have forgotten you so heartlessly, when you have spent years holding onto him. 

But now, you can’t hold it in anymore. 

Jaehyun had finished his conversation with his friends, and now he’s walking towards you, tossing his ball up and down, flashing that same easygoing smile that had captured your heart—and something inside you snaps.

“Do you really not remember me?”

Jaehyun pauses, his eyes bulging and his footsteps halting. 

You didn’t mean to say it. 

You had spent weeks bottling it all up, second-guessing yourself amidst all the mixed signals. You constantly told yourself that it didn’t matter, that Jaehyun truly did forget you, and that it had been too long for him to even remember you as much as you remember him. 

You can’t just bottle it in any longer. 

Jaehyun blinks, clearly taken aback. “What?”

You exhale sharply. You can’t take it back anymore. “You really don’t remember me, do you?”

JAEHYUN bangs his head against his bedroom door, regretting every single thing he’s done. 

Why did he even do that?

After he said goodbye to Ricky, who was going on a winter vacation to Italy, he turned to you. He approached you, subconsciously having that same stupid lovesick grin that his lips somehow form whenever he’s around you. He’s walking towards you, like how he does it every other day.

Usually, you’d greet him with that adorable little smile of yours. 

But today, he was smothered with a menacing glare and a question that he doesn’t expect instead. 

“What are you talking about?” Jaehyun said, trying his best to sound innocent. He was unable to pry his gaze away from you, but he hoped that you didn’t catch the quiver in his eyes. 

You didn’t say anything for a while, and he watched as whatever emotions you had swirling in your beautiful eyes changed into a solid look of hurt and betrayal. 

Jaehyun felt his heart drop to the floor. 

It’s like everything stopped, and his stomach began to twist, the memories rushing back as they played through his mind like a broken film tape that he couldn’t stop from playing. 

“You really, really don’t remember me,” you said, quiet with a humongous amount of hurt. Your voice cracked, and Jaehyun’s heart began to crumble because of it. 

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about,” Jaehyun replied, forcing out the words as firmly as he possibly could. 

His words felt like acid on his tongue. Jaehyun had told this lie many times before, but today, it felt more painful than the others. But Jaehyun did it anyway, over and over again.

Because it’s easier than admitting the truth to you. It’s easier than having to acknowledge the feeling that’s twisting his heart, hurting his chest. 

You exhaled shakily, and for a second, Jaehyun swore that he could see through you—your eyes searching him, like you were finding the real Jaehyun, who had been the one that promised he’d be your rock until the end of time. 

And the fact that you still had that effect on him—making him feel like he’s on Cloud 9—after all these years, only made it worse for him. 

“You’re lying,” you snapped, your eyes starting to sparkle with unshed tears. Your voice began to rise with every word you uttered. “You do remember me. You remember everything. Don’t you?”

His heart began to thump loudly against his ribs. He had never seen you so worked up like this, he had never heard you raise your voice like this. 

Jaehyun stared into your eyes, the truth burning at the back of his throat. He hesitated, almost spitting it out. 

But in the end, he swallowed it. 

“I don’t get it, Y/N,” he countered, trying to sound confused. Though, it didn’t sound convincing, even to him. “Maybe we’ve met before, in-in the past, but I truly don’t remember anything.”

Your gaze stiffened, and the desperation in your expression faded. Jaehyun kept his guard strong—he couldn’t let you see him crack, even though the weight of your disappointment was heavy on him. 

Then, after a minute of silence that felt too long, you gave him a straight smile. 

“Okay,” you whispered. You slammed your locker close and immediately walked away, not giving Jaehyun a chance to say anything else. 

He wanted to chase after you. But he couldn’t. 

He watched you turn away, and as the doors closed behind you, he felt the loss crumbling upon him, heavy and unbearable. 

YOU’RE not even sure why you’re feeling like this, but you are angry. Upset. 

Who wouldn’t be, especially after witnessing the only person who made you feel truly understood shun you out, saying that he doesn’t remember you?

You didn’t really like leaving your messages unread and unreplied, but for the first time, you let your text channel with Jaehyun clog up. 

It’s the morning of Christmas, and you wake up to almost fifty new texts from Jaehyun alone. You don’t open any of them, but you couldn’t help but read some of it from the notifications bar. 

y/n, did i do something wrong?

y/n, are u okay?

y/n, i can’t believe u declined to go snowboarding 2gether yesterday. we had so much fun!!!

okay fine. i shouldn’t have used that tone

honestly it kinda sucked to not have u around

i know u’d like seeing the sunset from on top of the mountain

y/n i hope u’re eating well

y/n, did u go see the big christmas tree in the city centre? i’m in front of it rn. 

y/n. merry christmas. 

enjoy your day

You sigh, turning off your phone. It pained you, probably just a little bit, to ignore all of Jaehyun’s attempts to reach out to you. You did feel a bit sad that you’re missing out on fun plans that he wanted to do with you—but what could you possibly do? You know you’re not ready to face him without baring your teeth at him. 

You enjoy the day with your family, happy to see them after a long time, especially your cousins and grandparents. You ate a lot of good food, took a lot of pictures, played a lot of games with your nieces and nephews, and of course—exchanged many memorable moments and laughter with your family members. 

You were playing in the snow with your little cousins, your heart stinging a little. Not from the cold, but from the memory that you have associated with snowball fights—Jaehyun. There was something warm about hurling cold balls of snow that made the tips of your fingers red. Maybe it was because you were fond of the person smiling at you during that time, or maybe because the way snowball fights produce heartwarming laughter reminds you of the person that you’ve cherished for so long and how his laughter fills your heart with joy.

Your mother called you inside, and after shaking off all the snow from your coat, you joined everyone else for the gift unboxing time. You got many gifts from your family and friends alike, but when it came to the largest box addressed to you, you can’t help but feel a little pang in your heart. 

Who was it from? 

You flip the card attached to the gift, the world going completely silent for a second. Your eyes widen at the sight of Jaehyun’s name scribbled onto it, along with a short message. 

Merry Christmas. I hope you enjoy this.

“When… how did this get here?” the question escapes your mouth almost instantly, but you know that’s not what you really wanted to ask. 

“A boy came off to drop this just now, when you were playing in the backyard with the kids,” your aunt replies, handing you a piece of brownies. You put it in your mouth, chewing slowly as you try to process her words. “I asked him if he wanted to come in and talk to you, but he refused and ran away so quickly I didn’t have time to stop him.”

You merely nod, unable to say anything due to the heavy feeling pressing down your chest. Slowly, you rip the wrapping paper open, holding in a breath you know wasn’t necessary. 

You didn’t know what you expected. 

An apology letter, maybe. 

Or something that he remembered that you always liked. 

But instead of that, your hands are holding a gingerbread house kit and a store-bought Christmas card taped to it. 

Whatever hope you still had remaining for Jaehyun fades, and your jaw clenches. 

It’s time to stop. 

“LOOK, it’s Shinyu,” Yoona nudges you, giggling rather uncontrollably. You glance at his direction, a little wide eyed from how blatant her statement was. 

You’re walking with Yoona and Minji to your school’s library, located in the middle of campus grounds. You’re almost there, when you spot Junghwan—or more famously known as Shinyu, and his group of friends walking in the opposite direction. 

“Shush,” you whisper. “Why are you making this such a big deal?”

“‘Cause he’s such a gentleman, duh,” Yoona replies, deadpanned. Though, that kind of expression on her face lasts only a second. As you and Shinyu’s steps grow closer to each other, and heat begins to rise up to your cheeks, Yoona couldn’t hold her smile back. 

“We’re just friends,” you state, dismissing whatever she’s about to say. You shove your hands deep into the pockets of your puffed jacket, and you set your gaze straight ahead. 

Yoona gives you a raised brow. “I never said you guys weren’t. Are you saying that you guys are more than that?” she asks, the octave of her voice going higher. 

“Someone’s excited,” you mumble. You quickly turn to Minji, desperate. You’re going to walk past Shinyu and his friends anytime now. 

“Min, help,” you plead between gritted teeth. 

To your surprise, Minji laughs, putting her hands up. “I’ll always defend you, but this time, I can’t—you and Shinyu are too cute for me to prevent it.”

Your heart skips a beat, and your mouth is agape. Though, before you could say anything to counter Minji’s remark—that’s already making her and Yoona laugh—Shinyu is already next to you. 

“Hello,” he says, his voice sweet like honey. 

You freeze in your steps, and you quickly turn to him. Shinyu, standing much taller than you, has a fresh smile plastered on his face–the sincerity of it feels like it’s only for you. Though, you don’t want to get your hopes up for anything. You and Shinyu had recently started becoming friends, right after winter break ended a few weeks before this: he’s in your English and PE class, and he often sits near you when you’re studying in the library. You always see him playing basketball after school, too. 

You give him a small smile. “Hi, Shinyu.”

“Where are you going?” Shinyu asks. He nods in acknowledgement to Yoona and Minji. 

“Library,” Minji replies, looping her arm with yours. “Do you wanna come with us?”

Shinyu glances towards his friends, who’s talking amongst themselves.

“I promised my friends I’d come to study with them in the common room,” he says, before shifting his gaze back to you, and there’s some kind of determination shining through. “But you know what?”

Flustered, you blurt out. “What?”

“Yo, guys, I’ll be studying in the library,” he announces to his friends. Some of them roll their eyes, but eventually, they all agree to meet up after school. 

“Let’s go then?” he says, flashing you a smile. 

Yoona clears her throat, and even though muffled, you can clearly hear her giggling. You press your lips together, nodding. You’re feeling shy for no reason. “Okay. Let’s… go.”

Shinyu grins, shoving his hands into his pockets. 

The four of you walk to the library—Yoona and Minji, to your right, are giggling their hearts at the way Shinyu’s walking to your pace, his position perfectly shielding you from the sun. 

You force yourself to look forward the entire time, Shinyu’s presence suddenly making you feel beet red. Unknowingly, you’re smiling to yourself—Shinyu is well-known amongst your peers for his good manners, and undoubtedly, he’s one of the nicer people you’ve met. You lost count of the amount of times he’s taken care of you, especially when you’re studying. 

You chuckle. 

Shinyu’s not bad. 

“Someone’s in love, huh?” Yoona jests, pushing the library door open. You jolt back to reality, scowling at her. 

“I’m not in love,” you whisper sharply. “Also, shut up, he’s next to me.”

Yoona throws her head back, unable to contain her amusement anymore. You ignore her snickering in the back, and you walk inside the library, clutching the straps of your backpack as you try to find a table with enough seats for all of you. 

As you’re looking, a familiar voice pulls your attention towards its owner. 

“Y/N!” you hear Sungho call you, his voice quiet but loud enough for you to catch. He motions for you and the rest to come over. Yoona and Minji notice this, and they immediately jog over, delighted to see the boys. 

However, you’re a little sceptical. 

Your eyes meet with Jaehyun, who looks rather wide-eyed to see you. You hesitate, your footsteps heavier than before. You haven’t been really talking to him ever since school reopened after winter break, and this is the first time you’re facing him directly. 

Shinyu notices your mood drop. He leans to whisper, “are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost, and as far as I know, ghosts don’t really appear in the day.”

You almost burst out laughing at Shinyu’s wooden remark. You bit the bottom of your lips before tugging Shinyu’s sleeve. “Let’s go sit with them?”

“Are you sure?” he asks, voice suddenly shaky. 

You nod. “I’m sure they’ll be okay with it!”

You’re not too sure what made you feel so brave to do so—but you pull Shinyu towards the table that all your friends are sitting at, gesturing for him to sit next to you. Jaehyun, who happened to sit directly in front of the seat that you’re claiming as yours for the day, watched with a dumbfounded expression on his face, his jaw dropped. Yoona and Minji smirked, seeming to know what you’re doing, but  Sungho and Sanghyeok looked a little hesitant. 

Other than the sharp gaze that Jaehyun gave you, lingering a little longer than you’d like, you notice nothing wrong with him. 

Not until an hour into studying together. 

Shinyu, Sungho and Sanghyeok had gotten along quite well, and you often find yourself trying to stifle your laughter at their jokes. You also saw Minji, who was quite hard to impress, laughing along as well. 

You’re mid-laugh when you notice it—Jaehyun’s easygoing demeanour has disappeared. He no longer had that grin that rose higher on one side of his face, one that he displayed when he was amused at something. 

Instead, he’s staring. 

Not at you, but right at Shinyu, who’s sitting next to you, chatting animatedly about a variety show he watched last night with his sisters. You couldn’t help but observe the boy sitting in front of you—his jaw tight, his fingers obnoxiously tapping against the table. It’s obvious that something is bothering him, given that his bright energy had dimmed. 

Normally, Jaehyun would add in to the conversation, spicing things up with a joke here and there, lighting up the atmosphere with his contagious laughter.

You were about to ask Jaehyun about it, but Shinyu is quicker than you thought. He leans in to show you a video on his phone, something related to the funny moment in the variety show that he watched last night.

Your attention is almost immediately pulled towards Shinyu and his phone, but Jaehyun’s actions tugs you back to him harder. 

He pushes back his chair with a loud, audible scrape. 

“What the hell, man?” Minji hisses. 

“Y/N,” Jaehyun says, not even looking at anyone else. “We need to talk.”

“Huh?” you splutter. You thought you made it clear that you don’t want to talk to him.

Jaehyun stomps towards you, and before you could say anything to counter, he grabs your wrist and pulls you away to a far corner. 

“What’s wrong?” you ask, as soon as Jaehyun stops in his steps. You’re more confused than angry, the entire incident that happened before winter break pushed to the back of your mind. 

Jaehyun mumbles something, but you can’t hear him at all. 

“Sorry, what?”

“I said nothing,” Jaehyun replies, his eyes narrowing. 

His reply, rather sharp, startles you a little.

And that makes you a bit worked up. “What’s up with you?” you scoff, rolling your eyes. 

Jaehyun doesn’t reply. Instead, he runs a frustrated hand through his hair, muttering to himself. His eyes dart here and there, as if he’s trying to find some kind of answer. You stand there, silent as you watch him do his thing, not knowing what to do as a response. 

After a while, Jaehyun does something that wasn’t even in the list of things you guessed he’d do—he unzips the hoodie he’s wearing and places it on your shoulders. You stare at him with bulging eyes, mouth agape.

What is he doing?

Before you can even do or say anything to stop him, Jaehyun guides your arms into its sleeves, zipping the hoodie up for you. He takes a step closer to you, leaning close to grab the hood behind your head. 

You feel your breath stuck in your throat. 

He’s. Too. Close.

Jaehyun, his gaze showing how focused he is at this, pulls the hood over your head, tugging it slightly so that it’s secured. His eyes find yours, and for a moment, the world around the two of you freezes. 

You clear your throat, and Jaehyun’s brought out of his trance. 

A fake cough escapes him, and he shoves his hands into his pocket, acting cool before he starts walking back to the table. 

“Jaehyun?” you call after him. “What’s this?”

Jaehyun looks back at you. “Nothing. Just keep it on. You get cold easily, don’t you?”

You go back to your seat, feeling extremely weirded out. What’s up with this guy? 

A part of you tells you that he’s trying to mark you as yours. 

You grimace, shutting up that tiny part of you. 

He doesn’t even bother to remember me, so why would he do that?

JAEHYUN’S behaviour just keeps on getting weirder and weirder. You really tried your best to tell yourself that it’s not a big deal—but at this point, nothing can convince you that Jaehyun’s not being weird. 

You could recall quite a few moments of him being rather significantly bitter, for a reason that you’re not even aware of: one of them being a free period before lunch on a Wednesday, where Shinyu came over to you to ask you a few questions about Math. 

You had barely even managed to reply to Shinyu’s request before Jaehyun suddenly got up from his seat, clapping his hand on your shoulder. 

You turned sharply towards him, shocked at both the impact and the unexpected gesture. “Jaehyun, what—”

“Y/N,” he interrupted, loudly, “I just remembered! I owed—I mean, you owe me something! An answer. About… about something!”

“What thing?” you frowned. From what your memory serves you, there’s no such thing—

“The, uh—” Jaehyun waved his hand vaguely, glancing at Shinyu, who raised a brow at him. “You know? The thing we talked about yesterday. Super important. Can’t wait. Urgent. Like, right now.”

Before you can even open your mouth, Jaehyun grabbed your hand and pulled you a few steps away. 

Shinyu, grabbing his papers, shook his head. “At least be subtle, dude.”

Jaehyun, hand still clasped around yours, narrowed his eyes. “What are you talking about?”

“You know what I’m talking about,” Shinyu chuckles. 

You looked back and forth between the two guys, sighing heavily. Just what is going on?

Another similar moment occurred the next week, at lunch on a random Friday, where Jaehyun was annoying the living daylights of Shinyu for some stupid reason that you’re not too sure of. Shinyu, being the absolute angel he is, completely dodged Jaehyun’s attempts. He remained next to you, chatting about whatever topic that came to mind. He also made sure to include the rest of your friends, and to give you any part of his lunch that he noticed you liked—that extra crispy chicken or the cream cheese bun that he hadn’t touched yet. 

Shinyu had to leave a bit early because his basketball coach had something to discuss with him. He bid you farewell, and as soon as he was out of earshot, Jaehyun immediately perked up, smiling like none of his attempts at making Shinyu pissed off ever happened. 

Tired of the same kind of thing happening each day, you decided to confront him about it. At first, you didn’t want to—afraid that you’re just imagining things, but after discussing it with Yoona and Minji, you knew it’s for the best. 

“You’re acting weird,” you finally said, eyes pointed straight at Jaehyun. 

Jaehyun paused midaction, his noodles slipping down from his chopsticks. “Are you talking to… me?”

Minji punched his shoulder. “Stop being so dense, idiot.”

You nod in Minji’s direction, before turning back to Jaehyun. “Yes, you.”

“Me?” Jaehyun scoffed, leaning back in his chair. “I’m not being weird.”

Sungho snorted in his drink, and Sanghyeok shook his head. You bit back a smile—you’re definitely not imagining this. 

“You glared at Shinyu for five minutes. Did not blink.”

“I did not.”

“And you interrupted every time he spoke.”

“Coincidence.”

You gave him a deadpanned look. “You literally dragged me away mid sentence more than two times.”

The falter in Jaehyun’s cocky gaze tells you that you’re right. 

Jaehyun groaned, running a hand through his hair. “Okay, maybe I’m acting weird. But it’s not because of him. Not because of Shinyu. I just—” 

He cut himself off, shaking his head. “Never mind.”

You stared at him, more confused than ever. 

Jaehyun avoided you gaze, and that confirms everything you’re questioning

“...Right.”

He’s definitely acting weird. 

JAEHYUN is in a mess. He doesn’t know what he’s doing—and he definitely doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do either. 

He knew, from the moment you stopped even reading his messages over the winter break, that he’s truly messed up. But he doesn’t really know what to do, and the only logical solution in his head is the option that he wants to avoid the most. 

Jaehyun is dragging his feet through the hallways, dodging noisy students chatting and huddling in groups at the lockers, when he hears a familiar voice talking as he’s passing by. 

Shinyu. 

The guy that gets on Jaehyun’s nerves whenever he’s around you—the audacity that he has to be flirting openly with you, to show off the fact that he might have a bigger chance with you than Jaehyun ever will. 

He wasn’t paying attention at first, and had his foot out to step away already.

“I think I’ll do it in the courtyard,” he hears Shinyu say, “it’s the most perfect spot. Besides, Y/N likes the marigolds there.”

Jaehyun feels his heart stop, his body freezing mid-step. 

He barely registers the students passing him, hitting his shoulders multiple times. Shinyu’s words sink in, heavy and dangerous. 

“Damn,” another voice speaks, “so you’re really confessing? On Valentine’s day?”

“Yeah, of course,” Shinyu replies confidently. “I mean, Y/N’s amazing. I’d be an idiot not to try.”

“Doesn’t she see you as just a friend?” a voice points out. 

Shinyu sighs. “I know, but what’s the harm in trying?”

“She’s quiet, though, isn’t… she?” another voice asks. 

Shinyu shrugs. “I don’t mind, she’s perfect in my eyes anyway.”

Jaehyun’s stomach twists. His fingers are clenched into fists at his sides, and he knows he should just walk away. 

But his feet won’t move.

Jaehyun stands there, his heart hammering violently against his chest. He frowns, pretending that whatever he heard didn’t get under his skin at all. 

Shinyu is confessing. To you.

And the worst part is Jaehyun has hardly any idea what to do about it.

JUST as he thought his day couldn’t get worse, Jaehyun spots Shinyu running up to you after the last bell rang, a bunch of snacks in hand. He intercepted you from Jaehyun, who was on his way to you, a box of Pepero in his hand. 

It slips from his hand, falling on the ground.

Jaehyun knew. 

From the way your eyes begin to light up whenever you see Shinyu, and the way your smile is just so bright whenever he’s near. The way you talk more and more, prompted so effortlessly by Shinyu. The way you look like you’re glowing when you’re with him… it hits Jaehyun.

He’s going to lose you. 

His vision becomes blurry as he stands in the middle of the courtyard, as still as stone. Jaehyun can’t ignore this any longer. 

He can’t ignore the way his heart is eager whenever he sees you. He can’t ignore the way the world seems a little less gloomy, a lot less lonely when you’re around. He can’t ignore the way his chest hurts, like it’s about to burst, whenever he sees you flashing that adorable, rare smile around anyone else. He can’t ignore the fact that he feels like he’s about to throw up flowers everytime he sees you with Shinyu, all giggly from whatever he says to you. 

He just can’t disregard the fact that he has obvious feelings for you, that he still loves you after all these years. 

Jaehyun had always known those feelings, pushed away deep in his stomach, but these past few weeks—it keeps on growing larger and larger, more urgent and more consuming. The small flutter in his chest when he watched you laugh, the feeling that settled comfortably around him whenever you look at him with those warm eyes, and the overwhelming ache when you’re around Shinyu. 

Jaehyun had tried his absolute best to ignore it. 

But now, watching you interact with Shinyu—sharing snacks, smiling so shyly with him—it made Jaehyun extremely aware of himself. Shinyu, your fellow classmate who seemed to know exactly what to say, the one who made you giggle and smile the way Jaehyun used to always do… the feeling hits Jaehyun differently. 

Jaehyun felt like the ground underneath him was about to crumble, and the earth was about to eat him alive. His heart twists so painfully it makes him feel like he wants to run and hide from the shattering realisation that you might never look at him the same way he has always looked at you. 

He wishes that he had been more courageous, more brave to admit to you that you’re his world, and he’s orbiting you—that you hadn’t left his mind, ever since he left ten years ago. Not even once. He wishes that he had been more valiant, and that he told you, the first time he bumped into you, after a decade of not seeing his favourite person—that he missed you dearly. Your laughter, your smile, and the way that it’s reserved only for him to see—he wishes he said that to you the first time. 

Honestly, Jaehyun wasn’t even really sure why he lied to you. Sure, he was scared, afraid that you might not remember him at first. But after a while, he just didn’t want his feelings for you to be out in the open. He knew you remember him—but he was simply terrified. 

What if you didn’t like him the way he did? 

What if he’s the only one that’s feeling like you’re the most important person in life?

Jaehyun was too afraid of you rejecting him to stop lying. 

Though, he thought that his way of showing his feelings, rather subtly in his opinion, through little acts of service could make you notice. 

Even so, Jaehyun knew that it only made you more confused. 

He really wanted to be happy for you—he really does. You deserve all the goodness in this world, and you deserve to be happy with someone who looks at you the way Jaehyun looked at you all this while, but his chest twists with a blazing jealousy: an emotion he never thought he’d feel when it comes to you. 

It’s not fair. 

Not to you, not to him. 

How could he be so stupid? How could he be such a loser, a coward? 

Jaehyun takes a shaky breath in. He could tell, from the way you looked at him, and from the way your eyes crinkle when you smile at him, that you had no idea. No absolute idea about the chokehold you have on him—the way every shared moment, every glance and every smile is carved into his soul. 

You have no idea how much he’s hurting, from the way you’re clearly upset with him, the way you’re growing closer to Shinyu, and the way you’re slipping away from his reach with every passing moment.

But then, something clicks in him. He’s not going to let the ache, the jealousy and the frustration take the reins—he’s no longer going to shrink back into the shadows. 

This is going to be his moment. His time to shine. Jaehyun could feel the determination settle firmly in his chest, and his mind begins to come up with a plan. The fear and the doubt is burned to ashes, and it’s no longer going to hold him back. 

He had been such a fool. 

This time, no more hesitating. No more waiting. No more wondering what if. 

If he wants you, he’s going to fight for it. 

He’s not going to let himself lose you to anyone else. Not now. Not ever. You’re his best friend, his rock, his confidante. You understand him in ways others don’t, and he knows you more than you even know yourself, even after all these years. And if anyone is going to make you realise that, it’s him. 

JAEHYUN hadn’t meant to walk this way. 

It’s the night before Valentine’s day, and somehow, his feet had brought him to your house, a couple blocks away from his own. He’s in a new neighbourhood, and the house he’s approaching is new, but the feeling is familiar. 

He slows to a stop, staring at your house—remembering how it used to be some kind of second home to him. It’s a new house in a new state, but Jaehyun could still remember sitting on the front steps with you, munching the afternoon away with your mother’s homemade snacks. He still remembers doing homework with you on the porch, laughing at the way you huffily grumbled under your breath when it came to difficult questions you couldn’t solve. He still remembers building a pillow fort in your living room, calling it your ‘secret base’. 

His fingers curl around the strap of his guitar. 

Have you ever realised how much you mean to him? How much do you always mean to him?

A gust of wind blows through the quiet street. 

Jaehyun stares at your window, the warm glow radiating from inside. He swallows hard. 

It’s now or never. 

Taking a deep breath, he takes a step forward and begins picking his guitar. 

YOU shove your headphones down your neck, heart thumping fast. 

What’s the noise outside?

You walk towards your window, nervous upon hearing the melodious guitar and the singing muffled by the bricks in your walls. 

“Man, I'm so nervous to death

I relax my stiff lips

I might fail miserably like this

I might mess up

Hi, the weather's nice. Wanna take a walk?

My shy voice is just for you!

Ah, please, don't say no

Oh, I won’t beat around the bush

From my head to toe

No, even my heart’s under pressure…”

You recognise that voice. 

Jaehyun. 

What’s he doing here, in the middle of the night? 

You peek through the curtains—and your assumption is correct. There he is, Jaehyun, standing rather awkwardly in front of your driveway with his guitar. 

Your eyes widen. He’s singing. 

Or more accurately, screaming. 

“I love you, baby, baby, baby

I’ve been screaming the whole neighborhood knows 

I like you!

My neighbors go, yah, yah, yah

Let's get some sleep, yoo-ooh, oh-oh

I swear you'll like it.”

You close the curtains sharply, turning your back to the wall. Your face begins to feel hot, and your breaths turn to short, ragged gasps. 

You close your eyes, trying to drown Jaehyun’s voice out, but you can’t. 

Slowly, you open your eyes again, letting yourself to hear him out.

And soon enough, you realise the meaning behind the words he’s singing. 

“Ah, please, don't say no

Oh, I don't want to be just friends

From my head to toe

No, even my heart's under pressure!”

You push your curtains aside, taking in the view. You expect him to be singing rather calmly, but instead, you’re greeted with Jaehyun, kneeling on the road as he’s serenading you. 

“I love you, baby, baby, baby

I've been screaming the whole neighborhood knows 

I like you!”

You barely processed what he just sang. 

One second, you were in your room, standing frozen as your breath hitched at the sound and sight of Jaehyun’s singing echoing through the neighbourhood. 

Next, you’re running out of the house. 

You didn’t think—you just ran. 

Your parents, who were alarmed by Jaehyun’s singing, didn’t even have time to react. You flew past them, socks sliding across the wooden porch, nearly tripping down the slippery steps. 

“Y/N! Your coat—”

Too late. 

“I love you, baby, baby, baby

I've been screaming𑁋”

You bolt towards Jaehyun, crashing into him with so much force he barely had time to catch his guitar. 

“𑁋the whole neighborhood knows 

I like you𑁋oof!”

From the door, your dad raises a brow. “...did we miss something?”

Your mother merely chuckles, smiling knowingly. 

“You really—” you gasp, your breath visible in the air, “—had to do this in front of everyone?”

Jaehyun grins, entirely unbothered. “Of course.”

You cover your face with your hands—you were embarrassed, at first, but now it’s not even about all that. Your body is trembling, not from the cold nor embarrassment, but from the overwhelming warmth that is engulfing you. 

Jaehyun gently pries your hand away. “Hey,” he says softly, his grin now a gentle smile, “did it work?”

Your lips part. “What? Did what work?”

“Making you fall for me.”

Jaehyun barely had time to flash you another of his smirks before you fling yourself at him, wrapping your arms tightly around his waist. 

He lets out a startled laugh, stumbling back slightly. “Whoa—hey, what’s–”

“You’re so embarrassing,” you say against his jacket, your grip tightening. “And loud. And ridiculous.”

And just so, so cute. 

Jaehyun giggles, running a hand through his hair. “So,” he says, and you pull away to look at him. “How was it?”

You look at him with slightly narrowed eyes. “How was what?”

“I just serenaded you. That basically means you have to date me now, right?”

You gasp, hitting his chest. “Jaehyun–!”

“I mean, that’s like, a rule or something. I put in all this effort, to sing to you on a very cold winter night—made myself look completely ridiculous, and now you have no choice but to fall for me. That’s how it works,” Jaehyun continues, a smug look on his face.

You roll your eyes, to hide the obvious flush in your cheeks. “You’re unbelievable–”

“Unbelievably charming?” he cuts you off, wiggling his eyebrows.

“No. Unbelievably embarrassing.”

Jaehyun dramatically gasps. “Excuse me, that was romantic. I even practiced the song! Twice!”

You swat your hand, face burning, but he catches it. 

You stare at him, wide-eyed, your heart dangerously racing. 

“Y/N, listen… I know I can be a lot,” Jaehyun begins, his voice softer and more serious now. His grip on your hand tightens. “And you’re quiet and reserved, but I think we fit perfectly. With each other.”

You want to say something, but you keep your silence—you don’t really trust yourself to say anything in the state you’re in. 

“You know why?” Jaehyun continues rambling, his grin morphing into one of the most lovesick smiles you’ve seen, and you find yourself mirroring it. “I love making you smile, and I want to always keep on making you smile until, like, forever—”

Your heart makes a backflip, or something, but you feel your face flushing even more. “Jaehyun, stop–”

“And if you don’t like me back, that’s fine. That… is… totally okay! I will totally accept rejection gracefully, I’ll just be heartbroken for like, ten years—”

“Oh my god—”

“—but if you do like me, please tell me before I make a bigger fool of myself.”

Jaehyun pauses, catching his breath. His eyes find their way back to you, and in the silence he’s left between the two of you, you can’t hold yourself back anymore. 

You grab the front of his jacket and yank him forward.

“Shut up, Myung Jaehyun.”

And you kiss him. 

Jaehyun lets out a startled sound, but it isn’t long before he melts into you, his hands gripping your waist as he kisses you back, deep and eager. 

It isn’t shy. Nor is it soft. 

It’s everything—messy, desperate, and full of all of the things you couldn’t say to him.

By the time you pull away, Jaehyun is a breathless mess. He blinks at you like you had just punched him square in the face. 

It’s certainly out of character for you, you know that, but you didn’t expect Jaehyun to look absolutely smitten. 

“...Well.”

You pant, glaring up at him. “There, you finally shut up,” you mumble. 

Jaehyun licked his lips, his grin slow and teasing. “…You can do that anytime.”

You gasp, shoving him. 

Jaehyun giggles, grabbing your hand before you could run back inside. He pulls you close, and places your arms around his waist, in the warmth of his jacket. 

He rests his forehead against yours, your noses brushing. 

“So, are we official now, or do I need to sing another song?”

You look at him, your heart beating with a certain answer. 

I love you.

Though, of course, you’re too embarrassed to say that to him. You smack him before hiding your face in his chest. 

“Shut up, Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun only laughs, and a warm feeling fills you up. He pulls you closer, hugging you tight. “Okay, sweetie, I think that’s enough singing for tonight.”

― © htaesan, 2025.

⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀want more like this? check out the 𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄

[greenwitchfromthewoods]

a shopping mall. l Joel Miller

Summary: after the loss you tried to rebuild your life together

Warnings: fluff; Joel and Reader are anxious but keep trying; Ellie is embarrassed; childbirth; emotional concerns; remembering loss; some hope

A/N: you know what? I like this story. writing these chapters gives me a lot of comfort and pleasure. I know I've been mean to them lately, but I'm trying to fix that. I'm happy when I have the opportunity to read your opinions, it gives me strength and support. thank you for being here and reading.

your feedback is very important to me and I thank you for all the reblogs, comments and likes. 🖤 sorry for all the mistakes

short stories from life. [masterlist]

It was like walking on thin ice together. Slowly, carefully taking steps to avoid cracks and get to the other side as quickly and safely as possible. The icy water could kill you, and if one of you fell in, it was certain that the other would do everything to save him, and then he would go down.

That's how it was with you and Joel for the next few days. Or at least that's how you both saw it and felt it.

Everything happened slowly - small gestures, conversation, allowing yourself to feel. You, in moments when darkness consumes your mind, prefer to withdraw, isolate yourself from others. Now you were overcoming your fears.

And Joel saw how you fought it every time you approached him and told him that this day was not one of your best. You also allowed him to do what he did best, take care of you, without irritation or saying "I'll manage on my own." Because you were no longer alone.

Joel tried too. He had never been familiar with emotions, and now they were overwhelming him from every side. And there was you, he wanted to be able to support you and help you, so he came out of his safe cocoon every time you sat next to him and talked. He also held back not to wrap you in the protective blanket of his concern. And that was really hard.

This time was really fruitful for you. Soon he heard your laughter, quiet and really sincere. He felt your embrace, even when in his sleep you were the one who was snuggling up to his back, kissing him lightly.

You both knew that what you were building this time was really strong, and you both wanted it.

"Damn, that's embarrassing."

Dina looked in the direction Ellie was pointing and giggled. "I think it's really cute."

Ellie frowned and looked at her friend. "Do you think Joel is cute?"

Dina rolled her eyes and shoved a few fries in her mouth. It wasn't until she swallowed that she decided to speak. "They're cute together." She explained, watching you and Joel dance across the room. "Think about it. We all have our own backgrounds, and they're just enjoying each other's company. Maybe they're a little embarrassing..." At that moment, Joel spun you around a few times, when he wanted to he could be a really good dancer. "But that's cute."

Ellie snorted and shook her head. She had a feeling Dina might have been right, and she was actually glad to see you at the Tipsy Bison dance. Things were going really well between you both, and Ellie breathed a sigh of relief. For a moment, a really short one, she was afraid that what happened would be the end of you, and she didn't want that. Joel could be grumpy, and you could be a bit bossy sometimes, but she knew that you both cared and truly loved her.

She often thought back to one night, when your eyes were so sad and glassy, you looked at her and said quietly "I really love you, Ellie... You're perfect just the way you are.", and Ellie really felt it.

"Naaah!" she sighed, taking a couple of fries from Dina and stuffing them into her mouth "I still think they're embarrassing."

Dina burst out laughing.

You plopped down on a chair at the bar, wishing you could just grab a cold drink. Joel had disappeared with Tommy for a moment, and you were trying to catch your breath. It was a warm and pleasant evening, and you were really glad that Joel had suggested you come here.

"We're bumping into each other again!" a nice male voice rang out to your left, and someone sat down in the empty chair.

"Oh! Hi, Elliot." You greeted the man, smiling, "I didn't know you'd be here."

"It's a nice evening, why would I be home alone." he replied, "Can I get you a drink? Don't make me beg."

You glanced toward the entrance, but Joel was still talking to Tommy, so you figured you could use Elliot's company. You'd met a few days earlier when he'd shown up in Jackson, and you'd bumped into each other at the store.

"Shane said you two went on patrol together."

"Mhm." you nodded, taking a sip of your cold drink "And you? Would you like to take part in this too?"

"And could I be your partner?" he asked, winking at you and chuckling "Just kidding!" he added, seeing that he had caught you off guard "But I'd gladly take some advice from you, to be honest. You've been in Jackson much longer than I have and people know you, respect you..."

"Thank you." you felt warmth creep up your neck "You'd have to talk to Tommy about it, I'm not the one making decisions."

"Sure! I'll talk to him. Or maybe you'd like to..."

You felt someone wrap their arms around your waist tightly, and then familiar lips brushed your temple. "Sorry it took so long."

"Don't worry. I ordered you a beer." you replied, smiling at Joel "And this is Elliot."

The man greeted Joel, who responded pleasantly, but you clearly felt his hand find yours and your fingers intertwined tightly. You all talked for a while longer, about patrols, about life in Jackson, until Elliot finally said goodbye and disappeared among the people.

"What?" you asked, feeling Joel's gaze on you.

He shrugged. "I don't know. You tell me."

You finished your drink and rested your chin on your hand. Brown eyes stared at you, slightly shining from the beer Joel had drunk. "I won't believe you if you say you're jealous." you said finally.

He shook his head, smiling broadly. "I'm not, darling. I know perfectly well that you're only mine, but..." he sighed deeply "I feel a little sorry for guys who think they have a chance."

You patted him on the shoulder, bursting into laughter. "Really? Where are you so sure of that, Miller?"

He leaned in as if to whisper something in your ear. His voice was low and made your body shiver pleasantly. "I just know it, darling." Warm lips brushed your ear, and then he pecked you on the lips. "Come on! Let's go home. Ellie told me we're embarrassing her. Our mission accomplished.”

As soon as she opened her eyes she could feel that something was wrong. But it wasn't until she got out of bed and took the first few steps that she felt it. Something strange unexpectedly ran down her legs and onto the floor.

"Shane!" Ann moaned loudly, looking at the wet spot beneath her. "Shane! Fuck, come here!"

The bathroom door opened and the man stepped out nonchalantly, still brushing his teeth. "Whaaa?" he asked.

"I think I'm in labor." Ann grabbed her stomach as if that would stop everything and looked at her husband with a mixture of fear and excitement.

"Yeah, right... Fuck!"

He wondered the whole way from the stables to the house how he should tell you about that. Should he even tell you? Sooner or later you'd find out anyway. The door creaked quietly as he entered the house. The sun was streaming into the kitchen where you were preparing breakfast.

Joel looked at you for a moment. He liked moments like this and wanted to record them in his memory for as long as possible. You read on the couch, you sleep in your bed, you laugh with Ellie, you cuddle up to him... Many moments with you were already recorded in his head, good and bad, happy and sad. He wanted to remember everything.

"You're staring again." You glanced at him over your shoulder, smiling.

Joel entered the kitchen and cleared his throat. "Shane took Ann to the clinic today. She went into labor this morning."

You turned around abruptly and looked at him with wide eyes. "And?" you whispered.

"She gave birth two hours ago. Tommy told me." Joel replied. "Shane won't be going on patrol for a while and..."

"Boy or girl?" you interrupted him quickly.

Joel frowned, surprised by the question. "A boy."

"I knew it!" you were excited, you pressed your hands to your lips, and your eyes sparkled like stars. Joel smiled at the sight, and then he hugged you when you suddenly threw your arms around his neck "Oh, I had a feeling it would happen soon! I'm so happy."

Joel stroked your back and smiled to himself. Only when you pulled away did he notice that you suddenly frowned.

"Is everything okay, honey?" he asked with concern. He noticed how you bit your lip, clearly worried about something.

Finally, you folded your arms over your chest. "I didn't have time to prepare anything for the baby..." you sighed "I wanted to give them something, but so much has been going on lately and.."

"No problem. I can go with you to that old mall. They should have a kids store there, maybe you can find something."

"Are you sure? I wouldn't want you to have to change your plans especially for me."

He walked over to you, placing his hands on your hips and pulling you closer to him. “And who would I change my plans for if not for you, huh? Besides, you lost your partner on patrol for a while. Let me join you.”

You chuckled. "Oh, I don't know what my boyfriend will think about this. He can be a little jealous."

"So we won't tell him anything." Before you knew it, he kissed your neck. "It'll be our secret and..."

"Ugh! Disgusting! Do you really have to do this here? Before breakfast?" Ellie groaned as she entered the kitchen and sat down at the table.

Joel rolled his eyes and looked at the girl. "We were alone before you came."

"And you're not anymore, so please keep your hands to yourself."

The mall had been abandoned for many years. Many things had been taken and used, both by the residents of Jackson and by other people trying to survive. Your footsteps echoed quietly as you and Joel headed towards the baby store. You passed under the half-lowered blinds and entered.

"Don't spend all your money, honey." Joel mumbled, looking around the interior, which still had a lot of assortment. He walked between the dusty shelves, still keeping an eye on you as you looked through the drawers.

You soon found some necessary things - a few pacifiers, a baby blanket, a few clothes. You put all of that in your bag. It was only then that you noticed something that caught your eye. The smallest onesies you had ever seen in your life. You hesitantly touched the material decorated with colorful dots.

"You okay?"

Joel stood right behind you, looking at you with a mixture of worry and confusion, he didn't know what to expect.

"Did you know that babies could be so small?" you asked, taking the onesies in your hands and looking at them closer.

He was silent for a moment, but finally spoke. "When Sarah was born, she practically fit in the palm of my hand. I'm sure Ellie was the same."

"I'm sorry... I didn't think that you... I'm sorry, Joel."

"You don't have to. I almost forgot about it." he replied, kissing your head. "Did you find everything?"

You looked around the inside and stuffed the onesies into your already full bag. "Yeah, I guess so. I think Ann prepared well enough anyway. I wouldn't want to come to her empty-handed though."

"She'll definitely be happy when you come anyway. Let's go back, honey."

He was a little scared about all of this, but he hoped you were in a different place now. You had only met up with Ann a few weeks after what had happened, and she had been really stressed out then. You were her friend, and she was afraid of hurting you or bringing up painful memories. Joel was sure she and Shane had talked about the both of you, but he didn't hold it against them. They were both your friends, and they cared about you.

It was surprising though that your loss had reached so many people around you.

Joel felt your hand in his and glanced at you as you fell into step with him.

"Thank you for bringing me here." You said, the corners of your lips turning up. "I've missed doing this with you."

"Me too, baby. Me too."

He leaned down and pecked your soft lips. You were on the right track.

☆☆☆☆

Thank you for your time.

taglist, i think: @picketniffler @orcasoul @bbyanarchist @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi @somedayheaven @underneath-the-sky-again @callmebyyournick-name

[spiritgutz]

TWO TIME HEADCANONS

i am obsessed with this freak and need to dump my thoughts

WARNINGS: brief mentions of blood (involving two time's wings) and cults, two time being two time word count: 914

authors note: i'm extremely rusty with writing and i quite literally never use tumblr. please forgive any mistakes i've made as i try to get the hang of this 🙏

First of all, Two Time is absolutely enamored by you. The two of you are practically connected by the hip. It may seem a bit much, but they just feel so drawn to you! Why wouldn't they want to spend every waking moment by your side?

Very touchy. Their hand is usually almost always on some part of you in public, most likely on the small of your back or simply holding your hand.

They would likely refer to you as their "guardian angel."

You'll catch them staring a lot pre relationship with that signature smile on their face.

Glances turn into full-on staring, innocent touches seem to last longer, your personal space seemingly becoming shared between the two of you.

In all honesty you probably catch on fairly quick to their habits.

From across the cabin you could feel eyes trained on your frame. Most would find this unsettling, but you honestly didn't mind. You didn't move to find the source, nor acknowledge it for that matter.

However Chance, who you had just been talking to, seemed more focused on something behind you rather than conversing. You tilted your head in confusion before twisting your body around to discover the distraction. Ah, that suddenly made a lot more sense. Settled up on the second floor, Two Time gazed down at you while their arms rested on the wooden railing. Their smile seemed to grow the moment your eyes locked with theirs. Chance would address you, asking something along the lines of "Are they bothering you?" In response you would only wave your hand dismissively. Their behavior, albeit creepy at times, didn't bother you. It was almost...endearing.

As stated by the devs, Two Time is a little "insane in the membrane." But this doesn't mean that you love them any less!!

They can and will talk to you about the cult and the Spawn as a whole.

Speaking of that, Two Time would love for you to be a member of the cult someday! They won't force you by any means, but that doesn't mean they won't try and persuade you.

Sometimes you'll catch them watching you while you sleep. They'll just..stare at you. They almost act like a cat in that regard.

They sleep almost completely still minus the subtle rise and fall of their chest.

You might just end up staring at them instead. They look so peaceful when they're asleep, so serene.

I'd like to think that Two Time naturally runs colder than most people. Their hands would be like ice cubes.

PLEASE PRETTY PLEASE GIVE THAT CULTIST A HUG!!! WARM THEM UP RIGHT NOW!!!!

Two Time will melt if you touch their hair. I'm not arguing about this I am correct and anyone else is WRONG /lh

One of their favorite things is when you comb your fingers through their hair as they lay on top of you after a round is completed. It makes them feel safe

The two of you have totally fallen asleep on the cabin's couch before

If you're an active participant of the games(?), Two Time will always put your safety before theirs. A killer is trying to attack you? They’re using their body as a shield to protect you.

As much as they want to keep you safe, you're very against their methods. Your heart sinks whenever you see their wings burst from their back.

Sat on their bed, your hand gently trailed down from Two Time's shoulders, to their back, to just below where their wings had sprouted from their back the round prior. Their shirt still had remnants of dry blood, just barely blending into their black top.

You hadn't meant to get in the way. One moment you were assisting with a generator, and the next you were almost another victim of the masked killer, Jason. You surely would have perished right then and there if Two Time hadn't grabbed you by the arm, pulling you behind them as they took the blunt of the attack.

As you relived the events again in your head, a shuddered breath left the cultist sitting in front of you. Snapping out of your daze, you muttered an apology. You didn't want them to be hurt, to have put their life on the line for you.

"The Spawn would be pleased in knowing you're safe."

Two Time spoke, tilting their head back and smiling your way. It was pained.

Deep down you knew they would do anything for you, but you couldn't help but feel guilty. Even "The Spawn" seemed to encourage Two Time's efforts despite the pain that came with it. So wordlessly you shook your head.

You leaned forward, placing a soft but fleeting kiss just in-between their wings. Their posture stiffened at your actions, almost making you wonder if you had upset or even worse, hurt them. But they soon relaxed, releasing a sigh of contentment. You took notice of the way their face blossomed in color.

A wave of silence washed between you two. However as your finger traced shapes along their shoulder, your partner spoke up again, although a bit quiet.

"Perhaps they would be pleased with my safety as well.."

Their muttering, that small revelation—it brought a smile to your face. Carefully you leaned in and placed a kiss on their cheek, causing them to chuckle. They're devoted to The Spawn, but to you as well. Even if it conflicts, they'll try and make you happy <3

[leashybebes]

However— well, is Tommy a reliable narrator to himself? Sure, Eddie basically stopped talking to him, but what about Tommy? Did he also delay replying to the 118 so that the time between messages stretched out? Did he think they were only trying to be nice by keeping in touch with their teammates’ ex (never mind that he was Hen and Howie’s teammate first) and he’d prefer to not have their ‘pity’ and cut them off (again)? Did he cut them off preemptively and doesn’t see it that way because if he did then he’d have to also face the fact that he’s a little messed up? We probably don’t have time for them to delve into all of this on screen but it’s interesting to chew on. For reasons.

(Chim gets a pass for the post-throat slashing time of no contact because he was… let’s say preoccupied.)

oh 100% hang on let me get my coffee

okay, SO. mr unreliable narrator over here, mr enjoy it while it lasts, is never going to be the one with the full picture, because he sets it up that way - intentional or not, i feel like tommy is someone who has his view of the world and his role in it and just quietly, fatalistically makes that happen.

so i can totally see a world where no one from the 118 reaches out, full stop. but, y'know, phones work both ways, thomas. BUT. for tommy, that's buck's family. they're buck's people. (and look, my wife has a much closer relationship with her family than i do, and a much larger circle of friends, and it took me WAY longer than six months to start feeling like they were our people, not her people i got to hang out with through her.)

we know that tommy's a jealous guy, and we also get the sense that he's pretty fatalistic, so if no one reaches out, i can see that landing for him as "well, obviously. they never really wanted me around, of course i was never gonna be part of that" and just exacerbating his envy, but also his sense that that chapter of his life is Over Now. i can see the lack of contact from hen and chim actually not stinging that much (or tommy telling himself it doesn't sting that much, genuinely believing that, my king of unexamined feelings) because they're not friends, right? chim calls him when he needs a favour, but they're not close. he's not on hen's christmas card list (and that's genuinely fine, i mean zero shade to anyone involved here. they were friends by the time he left the 118 but for all we know they were mostly or entirely work friends). so i can see his internal monologue about that, his confirmed belief being 'well, hell, i wasn't enough for them to want around on my own merits before, why would i be now'. (again, this is not shade on hen or chim. phones work both ways and my special little guy is fucked in the head.)

eddie's gotta sting a little more because they were friends, right? actual friends. but if we're taking tommy at face value, then we have to assume he feels some kinda way about being friends with eddie once he and buck are together. i don't think he actually thinks anything is happening/has happened/will happen with buck and eddie, but we do get this delicious hint with that little scoff about eddie's straightness that maybe tommy has experience of that queer classic - losing years of your life being besotted with your ride or die straight bestie (sal!!!! but uh. that's a separate post.).

i lost my thought. wait. okay, so i think one of the fundamental mismatches is that for six months buck was in an x-rated rom-com and tommy was navigating something unbelievably fucking complicated because talking? communicating? who does that when you can just make up a scenario and stick to it like your life depends on it. (worth noting there's no way that scenario ends well for him, but uh, that's why i love him. go listen to settle for me from crazy ex girlfriend lol)

i can ALSO see the other part of what you said. tommy says eddie 'pretty much' or 'basically' (can't remember the wording right now and not in a position to check) stopped talking to him which does leave room for some contact. (it could also be read as a kind of deflection of the ouch of it all but ymmv.) so i can see a world where eddie sends a 'man wtf happened?' message which...tommy's not going to reply to that. he's just not. but changing the subject immediately is too obvious so he has to wait a while to say something innocuous, and it just kind of fizzles out.

whatever happens, whether it was zero contact or intermittent, declining contact, my special little guy, my world champion runner, my sad sad man was 100% thinking 'yeah, that tracks'. we definitely don't have time for the show to delve into that, and honestly it's not really that kind of show so i wouldn't expect it, but rest assured i am C H E W I N G

[rjunhuang]

how the harry potter boys would react to you hooking up with someone else.

featuring: harry potter, ron weasley, draco malfoy, fred weasley, george weasley.

warnings: lowercase intended. gender neutral reader. informal writing?? they're a bit toxic.

note: can you believe i wrote this in 2023? it was an unfinished draft featuring more characters. i might make a part two w them included. also i do NOT like draco lol so i'm a little biased when i write him. honestly send in some requests on what other prompts you'd like to see w them

divider by enchanthings | comments & reblogs are appreciated! <3

harry!  he'd highkey be so salty about it. at first, he's just completely off put and hurt by the thought of you going out with someone else. HE THOUGHT Y'ALL HAD SOMETHING GOING ON </3

his literal initial reaction would be, "oh.. montague, huh.. hm uh.." before walking away from the conversation all together.

if you're a dumbass, you'd assumed he's just incredibly awkward when it came to hearing about other people's relationships, but supportive nonetheless. oh, you're wrong though. he walked off because he had no idea whether to be angry at himself for not pulling any sooner or at you for choosing someone slimey as graham montague to swap spit with or maybe just montague himself.

the longer this fling lasted, the more comfortable harry would be about expressing his distaste on the whole relationship. he'd given you lectures about how you shouldn't like those type of slytherins. you'd probably lost track on how many times he had indirectly called montague ugly. 

he would visibly show attitude whenever montague interrupted a conversation between you two. eye rolled and scowled like crazy, but he doesn't want to step the line as he's just seen as a friend by you —

"hey, mate, can't you see i'm trying to have a chat with her?"

he'd have dreams about hexing the shit out of graham though. maybe he'd slyly done it in the middle of class when no one's looking too.

if you accuse harry of doing so, he'd simply just shrug, "don't look at me." but would add a silent, "he had it coming though." 

it's like a silent warfare between him and montague soon enough. both of them would be throwing attitude around when you're lowkey oblivious to it all. harry won, obviously, and this would be the breaking point - montague had enough of dealing with harry so he'd just ended things with you. of course, harry's going to comfort you if you do get sad about it —

"i just don't know why he'd do this out of nowhere." you sulk under the hold of harry, both sitting on an empty hallway's staircase. harry has his arm wrapped around you, rubbing your shoulder. "yeah, wonder why.."

he'd had a massive ego boost knowing he was the reason graham montague won't go near you anymore. literally would have to hide his smirk the entire time when comforting you. but he wouldn't be harry potter if he wasn't ending it with a snarky comment. he's not sure whether you'd slap or kiss him for it, but he surely wouldn't mind it being both.

once you and harry finally ended up together, the thought of montague wouldn't even cross his mind. he wouldn't care less about some random troll-looking fool. probably didn't even notice the dirty looks from montague because his eyes are on you. you had his undivided attention.

ron!  he'd thought it's some sick, twisted joke. you'd told him the news that you're hooking up with cormac and just watched ron's face morph from being mortified to plain old disgusted. regarding situations like these, i think ron is a bit emotionally immature so he definitely wouldn't react well.

it had been saturday morning and almost everyone fifth year and above were recovering from a wild friday night common room party. that was the first night you hooked up with mclaggen and this morning, on the way to the great hall, he had pulled you aside to suggest making it a common occurrence — "some fun, no need for any strings attached." were his words. you had brought this up in the table during breakfast when hermione pointed out your flushed expression. the news leaves everyone shocked, but most especially ron. hermione had opened her mouth to begin reasoning with you, "i don't thin—" "THAT'S DISGUSTING!" ron wouldn't even beat around the bush, cutting off hermione. his mouth would be full with scrambled eggs and toast since he had stopped bothering to chew the moment you mentioned the word 'hooked up'. you'd mutter back a petty, "bold coming from the git with his mouth full." obviously hurt by his words.

it only worsened from that point onwards. the beautiful friendship you had with ron would crumble in a matter of time. it's constant fights with you two, ron's almost waiting for a reason to scowl or scoff whenever you're around. good luck even mentioning cormac in front of him, he'd just burst. the jealousy was so undeniably obvious yet you'd be so caught up in the anger of all of it to even realise. had it been someone less athletic than cormac, ron would've jumped him the moment he found out. 

he'd be a petty little bitch but all the dramatics are to hide his insecurity. of course you'd chosen the conventionally attractive hunk over him. he'd be pretty rough on himself because of it; it's pure heartbreak for him. he'd never admit it but he's cried once or twice after storming off from a fight with you. 

the end of your friendship with him would be in a final argument. merlin knows how it started, you never do. but almost a month into your fling with mclaggen, you've grown tired of ron's immaturity. so this time, you ask him.

"why are you even so pressed about this?!" you'd shout to ron. to which he'd counter with, "because he's a dim-witted fool who's only going to hurt you!" the frustration was unbearable as you lick your dry lips, raking a hand through your messy locks. ron is standing opposite to you, chest heaving from the intensity of the situation, yet he shamelessly takes a glance at your lips. "then if you're such an expert at this, tell me who i deserve to be wit—" ron must have a knack for interrupting others because he pulls you into a kiss, frowning as he does so. it's his final desperation for you to just hear him out. and you do, you kiss back and you're hit with the original passion you've always felt for him that these fights had blinded from you.

it's the end of your friendship and the beginning of a romance.

draco!  draco's love language is definitely cliche bullying. without a doubt, he doesn't know how to show affection to anyone at all so you two would definitely be enemies of some sort. i think he'd lowkey be oblivious to the fact that he's straight up mean to you but you've literally had enough of it. you'd had a crush on him since your first year together probably and eventually you caught his eye as well — except for all the wrong reasons. he grew a knack for constantly belittling you in some kind of way even remotely possible to him. though, in his eyes, he always saw it as flirting and you being into all of it. you accepted the attention for what it was and grew to expect his taunts during classes. shamelessly, you did enjoy the fights the two of you shared. however, 'banter' could only last for so long and you eventually grew insecure of the words spat from malfoy. your friends encouraged you to move on and you finally decided to take their word. you supposed you had a type for slytherins, seeing how harper soon enough came into your life. he was a good distraction from malfoy to the point that even the (apparently natural) platinum blond took notice of your distancing. you stopped countering draco's remarks with snarky quips nor did you even bother to spare a glance at him anymore. draco hated the feeling he failed to recognise as heartbreak. he was so caught up in this feeling that he ordered crabbe and goyle to snoop around and find out what changed about your life. it didn't take much investigating to discover the budding romance between you and harper. draco was far more distraught than he thought he'd ever been about the news - but what malfoy's goons failed to communicate was that you and harper were barely anything serious. 

despite that, draco was consumed by emotion. his immediate reaction after his minions left his dorm room was to owl his father with a letter demanding to expel harper from hogwarts. lucius' response, though, was an eerily formal letter telling his pissbaby of a son to never waste his time with such nonsense again. in other words, his father had completely shrugged him off. thus, draco hopped onto the plan b — which was to gang up on harper with his goons. draco liked to claim no one is on his level enough to be his friend, however, he had grown to like harper before this situation arose. they both shared interests in quidditch and shaming others of their blood status. 

soon enough, he had been on harper's case, constantly mocking the other slytherin boy whenever draco found the chance. it was no secret draco had a superiority complex over the fact that harper was the reserve seeker on the slytherin quidditch team whilst draco himself was the main seeker — so this became draco's number one target towards harper.

"your girl couldn't get the real thing so she opted for the knock off instead, yeah?" draco would sneer, adrenaline pumping from the audience that had surrounded him as he insults harper. he tosses a few kicks at the fallen over boy before crabbe and goyle take over with more aggressive ones. he'd snicker at the sight of the dishevelled harper, adding one more comment before walking away, "don't worry, she'll be running back to me soon enough."

fred!  if you think fred weasley's demeanor would even remotely falter at the news of you hooking up with someone else, you are wrong. even the fact that the special guy was viktor fricking krum wouldn't be able to stop the ginger from continuing to shamelessly flirt with you. fred's mindset was the literal definition of 'never back down, never give up'. he was not going to let you go simply because krum was snogging you on the sides. 

it's lunchtime on a wednesday where majority of hogwarts is present in the great hall, along with the selected students of beauxbatons and durmstrang. you were seated next hermione granger at her designated house table, discussing the slight change in the structures of the upcoming exams. so deep in your conversation with the girl, you had somehow failed to notice the presence of the infamous weasley twins with lee jordan right by their side — obviously. fred is the one to interact with you the most whilst the other two gryffindor boys do their own thing. the older twin's hand is pressed down on the table, leaning his whole body weight against it as he hovers over you. you notice a peculiar shadow cast beside you and turn your right, immediately being greeted with a wickedly grinning weasley. you can't help but notice the veins and slight muscle peeking through his rolled up sleeve from his dominant arm being supported by his weight.  hermione, having read the room, turns around, joining a conversation with neville longbottom and ron weasley. "hey, love." fred spoke up, almost purposively being loud enough for others around to take a quick glance. you tense up at the publicly proclaimed nickname, and though you have heard it leave his mouth several times before, this time there is a bulgarian national quidditch player who might just overhear. it doesn't take more than a second for you to spot viktor, who's looking right to your direction, obviously having heard and seen fred. the muscle in krum's tense jaw twitches as he sharply watches the two of you, while on the other hand, fred's gaze on you hasn't budged. in fact, he lifts his left arm up, fixing the position of your head to face him with the grasp on your jaw. "eyes up here, angel." he instructs before going on a tangent about how professor sprout had seperated him and george during class.

to say viktor krum wasn't pleased with fred's public display of affection towards you would be an understatement. apparently in durmstrang, they do things a little differently — such as rounding up your friends and beating up whoever crosses them, rather than the usual duels at hogwarts. so the sight of a bloodied fred entering your dorm had you leaping to your feet to question and aid him. despite the cuts around his face, fred's cocky smile never left his face. clearly he didn't get krum's message, seeing how he took every opportunity to hold your waist as you wiped the cuts clean off his face. krum truly wasn't getting to him. merlin, he seriously enjoyed pissing the guy off.

or so you thought until you caught onto fred's sudden interest in constantly pranking krum and the durmstrang boys. at first you assumed this could be revenge for ganging up on fred, but then you watched the weasley during one of his quidditch practises. beaters already had such an aggressive role — yet in your handful of years knowing fred, you'd never seen him play this aggressive. it was honestly impressive really, how he managed to keep a cool demeanor until he, well, couldn't.

george!  george never could understand what had gotten into you to start hooking up with adrian fucking pucey. seriously, all george could think about was how closely pucey resembled to the troll his younger brother and friends fought during their second year. despite his thoughts, he never uttered a single word out loud. he was far from supportive of the relationship but he did his best to stay respectful — maybe you were in an 'i can fix him' phase. though george had no idea how anyone could remove the definite troll genes from the slytherin. 

so sure, george kept his mouth shut and a respective distance from the whole relationship ... wrong. oh, come on, there's always a twist with the weasley twins. see, whilst publicly he was an angel .. behind closed doors and alone with you was a whole other wizard. the guy knew if he were to harass pucey with his pranks and stand against him, you would only push the ginger away. he didn't even want to risk such a thing. yet, he still wanted to be close enough to remind you of how much he cared. solitary moments with you begun gentle — he didn't want to cross any line, but still needed to have some sort of idea of where exactly that line was. it wasn't out of the ordinary for just the two of you to hang out — you were best friends after all. however, the more days spent with you, the more flirtatious george grew to be around you.

what starts with light touches on your elbow, soon grows into the two of you laying on the common room couch together, your head on his shoulder and his arm wrapped around you as he talks sweet nothings with you. it was the same old george before you met pucey — how can you ever walk away from this? almost having read the room, george's gaze flickers onto your lips, the talk from him slowly dying out despite the fact that he hadn't even completed his sentence yet. your brain grows fuzzy at the sight of george slowly leaning in, your own gaze fixated on his lips. it was unfortunate that adrian had to step into your common room during that tender moment, clearly in search of you. knowing him, he was in need of some snogging right now. the darkening look in his eyes as he spots the two of you clearly highlights his distaste towards the whole scene. he had practically marched over to the couch, grabbing george by the collar as he slams him onto the nearest wall. you have to admit, the height difference of the five foot nine pucey compared to george's six foot three makes the whole interaction look a lot more silly. "fuck you doin' with my girl, weasley?" snarls adrian, his irish accent thick with rage. yet george seems less than phased, his arms raised as a smirk grows onto his face. "if she was your girl, mate, she would have pulled away." george calmly adds, glancing at you behind pucey with the most flirtatious eyes known to wizard kind. you can't help but feel stunned at the look, almost melting. "want to be the judge of this, darling?"

[helliloveit]

Living Room Flow

This was kind of a disaster, longer than i thought it would be, but i like it. I don’t know if Frank is mean mean in here, but whatever this is i live for it. Feedback is always welcomed, kisses. English is not my native tongue.

Frank Castle x f!reader

Warnings: mdni, +18, Mean!Frank (half) he softens as the writing progresses, brat!reader, cop!reader, situationship, spanking, cursing (Frank is a sailor), smut with a plot(?, angst, rough, not a full happy ending.

W.c: 3.2k

Summary: It’s been a complicated day, you are not the best version of yourself, Frank isn’t patient with you this time. You don’t complain even if your feelings get in the way.

You hear the roaring of his truck outside the house and that made you jump over your seat in the couch. Yes, you had a dense afternoon, everything felt suffocating, your job that, thankfully you got out of early today left you with a bunch of tasks you even didn’t know how to start with. The fun thing is that every single friday is like this, and every single time of these Frank went even more bossy than he already is.

He is not your boyfriend, no, there is no love in the way you treat each other, you let him toss around your papers files as long as he offers you some protection, a deal.

Yet, you can’t deny he is sort of endearing, since you have nice amount of time knowing each other, besides the rare ‘friendship’ you had built, he stealthily made his way inside your life, your actions and your decisions in order to: “Ya needa be wise in this, anything you do wrong its a fuckin’ rope around ya neck.” Or whatever he says. Doesn’t matter how many times you roll your eyes, he’s right, being a detective in this city is not merely safe or fair.

Is not fair when you have to read and read and whatever conclusions you get with are rejected because there’s not enough proofs, even if you explained every detail thoroughly, a week of work, all destroyed in front of your face, and that’s exactly what happened to you today.

Something worth adding is that recently he drove his way into your desires too, you don’t even remember when it got to a breaking point, the only thing you know is that Frank carved his name with flames on the skin of your abdomen, he left you like a puzzle’s abandoned piece and you're sure you'll never find a half that fits you like he does. You are screwed. So much more when you realize his sex drive its lower than your willings to work, and that’s bold statement.

That’s also the reason of your bitterness, let’s be clear, you are not sweet, even less with Frank, that man has a sharp tongue, and he does use it. But today, you got to admit you were insufferable. So much that Frank better left the hustle for later, he could handle your back handed remarks, your disdainful looks too, but don’t you dare pushing him or swatting at him for tell you what is right.

The spare key jingles, then he enters the warm illuminated living room as you watch him from your place accommodated on the maroon sofa, the atmosphere grows heavier by seconds, the scowl of his face looks deeper and his movements determined, the creak of the wooden floor under his boots combined with the rumbling of the tv are playing an extra number on your anxiety.

— “You got the files, do you?” His harsh voice vibrates through the upholstered walls then your ears.

— “Yeah, they are in the kitchen aisle.” Your response comes out dry.

He looks back at you confused, where he’s standing he can clearly see the kitchen aisle… empty.

On Frank’s side, if he says he’s not upset with you, that’s pure bullshit. Already lost 5 of his seven patience bars trying to work along with you. And the way you inhale deeply and stand up from the cushions to stamp the documents where they are supposed to be, he already lost two more.

He leaves his jacket on the rack besides the entrance and walks down the little curve to the marbled surface. He exhales stressed when he finishes to read all the titles and none of them are the ones he needed.

—“Sweetheart… i know you are pressed but,” he raises the papers, kind of excusing himself, even if he’s tired of your attitude he doesn’t want to make you sicker.

—“These are not the ones i asked for.” And he attached to his very submissive tone.

That didn’t had any effect on you though, you went back, snatched the goddamn sheets out of his hands, checked for the right name and threw the new folder over the aisle again.

—“Let me know if you want me to read ‘em for you too.” You rumbled annoyed as you turned around to go away.

Hollow silence fills the space.

—“Hah, you little fuck. You stop right there.” It didn’t came out loud, if you wasn’t so attentive at his reaction you wouldn’t have noticed. You look back disgusted, who does he think he is to command you like that? You scoff and keep your tracks and that’s when he raises his voice.

—“I said stop right there, y’ didn’t hear me?” It was too much for you, you weren’t exactly obedient but for whatever reason you froze not so far from where you turned your back at him. You hear him walk, his heavy steps reaching you, suddenly your head feels heated, you love the thrill, and he always knows how to deliver it perfectly.

—“The fuck is wrong with you now, huh?” He lowers his head to get to your eye level. “That attitude is gonna get you places.” He slowly says as his arms rest behind your sides, grasping the cold aisle behind you, one of his hands moved to your face, fixing your jaw in his direction, dwarfing it in his pretty big extension.

—“Think you can blame your pent up frustration on me.” He nods slowly, analyzing every feature in you, something he’s pretty good at.

—“Let go.” You cling to the last bit of rebellion left in your body, lift your chin and slap his hand away with a curse, he backs up, chuckling. Oh, he’s amused. And you’re not sure if he likes the challenge or simply is hilarious to him to witness how deep into the trouble you are getting.

Your breath is growing faster and everything but steady, your hands cold, all of it provoked by the way he’s glaring at you, if you didn’t know him the way you do, you were sure he would be plotting your murder. Frank is one to intimidate people but that’s not quite what is happening to you now, you hate when he hovers over you and slightly tilts his head, even more when he is almost smirking thinking he has you wrapped around his finger.

And maybe he’s right because you kiss him.

Is not the first time it happens anyways, you fist the fabric of his henley, giving a fuck if it’s ruined by the time he needs to get home, you’re pouring every emotion in it and he knows, he pleases you, he lets you climb and tangle around him, press your torso at his firm one, yes, but he is not satisfied, not with the way you had treated him the whole day.

When you take a break he slightly pushes you back from your neck, your hands travel down his chest by the distance.

— “What is it now?” You ask hazy.

—“What it is now? Baby are you aware of the way you had talk to me?” You frown, of course you had been such an ass today but, he can’t deny you a good shake off, right?

—“But-” you start to display your best puppy eyes, he doesn’t let you finish though, you are looking at his own dark gaze until the clink of his belt draws you away from your trance.

—“Nah nothing sweet. Turn around.” The way he plays the the piece of leather off has you pretty distracted.

—“We can talk it over Frank.” He clearly hears the desperation in your voice, whether he wants to calm it is another matter.

—“Oh, we can talk it over now? That’s new.” His hand spins your shoulder until your back is a few inches away his chest, pushes your blade until you feel the cool surface breeze your nipples through the thin fabric of your old tank top.

At this point the anticipation have you teary eyed, you look back at his frame, it is so broad, he is so heavy in his presence it makes your back get goosebumps, even more so when he lifts up the hem of your top to look at it, he made it clear a few times, he loves your back, specifically how it arches when he caresses at your skin with his rusty palms.

The soft interlude ain’t last long.

Both of his hands tugs at the waistband of your sweatpants, so fast the panties get trapped in the motion, leaving you bare, he spreads your cheeks revealing your glistening parts for him to drool at them, he’s dying to bury his mouth in it but he won’t be nice, even if it gets to him more than it gets to you. He clicks his tongue.

—“I don’t think you get a release tonight, too bad for you.” He caresses your slit from start to finish, eliciting a shudder from you.

—“Frank please it’ll be good next time, make me feel good please, i swear.” You rise enough for his stubble to tickle at your temple, you wish you could melt in his body, all you need is a little bit of love and correction, also him to give you what you want.

It aches, he aches, doesn’t like to tell no to his pretty girl.

He hesitates for a few seconds, he needs you too, he feels it burn inside his core. Sadly, He’s a man known for his resilience.

—“Don’t wanna hear a single whine from your lips from now on.” He groans with wet lips in your ear, you’d have clenched your already soaked pussy if he hasn’t pulled your hips back and made you bend over again.

Suddenly you feel his fingers pressing the back of your neck against the gelid material you are lying on. Before you can protest a gasp leave your lips when instead of the leather of his belt a hand lands harshly on your ass, loud and painful.

He always preferred the traditional way.

—“Count five of those for me.” And it’s the shame to be so easily dominated. Subdued not only to his but your own body, you crave him.

—”Fuck you.” You try to wriggle his grip out uselessly, tears already streaming down your cheeks, you are always so brave it plays against you.

You yelp when your hair is pulled by his thick fingers, your neck sting at the forced flexion, and he hovers down to the shell of your ear again, squeezing your body under his, that’s when you notice his hard bulge against your messed folds, he’s as bad as you.

—“You can’t help yourself, can you? Why don’t you count ten instead, it’ll help you ease.” He surprises you with another hard spank.

By the time he has 5, you are sweating, biting your lips so your neighbors don’t have to deal with the consequences of your bitchy behavior too.

—“Ten.” You count anticipating the rough slap, but nothing comes, you look back timidly over your shoulder. He feels his cock twitch at your helpless face. Wet and colored cheeks, those eyes, god, you look like you haven’t been the most prolific brat for the past eight hours, almost like he is punishing you for your mere existence.

Tender strokes covers your manhandled cheek.

—“I think we can leave it like that. It’s been enough for you.”

Oh no, you don’t want to stop, you desperately look for his hand and grab it, leading its travel all over the side of your torso to your tit, you coax a squeeze out of his hand pressing over it. Your eyes enough of a message, a silent plead. His own mind liquid with lust.

—“Such a needy girl.” Frank lowers his head to merge in a tender kiss, your whole body is throbbing, the wet sounds of the smooch traveling right down your clit. You swear he reads it through you cause his point and middle fingers came down to indulge you, everything feels impossibly hotter, if hell has a nice place, this should be it.

The kiss doesn’t stop, and when it does Frank is all over your face, painting it with wet kisses and sweet praises you know you don’t deserve. He keeps rubbing it slowly until he decides it’s enough not for you but him and takes off your sweatpants that, at this point, where further down your shins.

He unbuttoned his pants earlier, predicting the big bother they would turn out, it wasn’t very useful after all, he tugged down the elastic of his boxer along his jeans, you glance down his girth, the tip coated in a wet deep pink.

—“Open up for me baby, would you?” You nod eagerly but he does it for you, rising one of your legs up to his shoulder since you are on your side, he slides part of his forearm down your other knee, guiding it to rest around his hip.

His entrance not so complicated since your wet and slippery like that, the soft sting making you back up a little but he holds you steady, a palm anchored between the crease made of your abdomen and thigh, doesn’t waste his time, coating his thumb in your slick to circle on your swollen bud with the right pressure to make you squeal.

He recognizes when it’s too much for you, eyebrows scrunched and incoherent whimpers, even more now that you are bouncing so much by the force of every thrust he gives you.

He hits that spot over and over, it is so intense you feel the need to grasp onto something but there’s nothing to hold onto, you’re high, sweaty, head lulling until you fix on him, he’s concentrated, grunting over the way you make him feel, burying his fingers in the soft of your skin, and he’s drunk, glaring at you though hooded eyes, god, you’re close, you feel it like a effervescent pill, pushing its bubbles to the surface.

You’re are good at recognize when it’s to much for him too, the disorganized rubs over your clit make you clench on him repeatedly, you would laugh at his efforts to hold together if you weren’t so down bad yourself. His red cheeks, his red chest too, that vein he has on the left of his neck which seemed even more noticeable when was close.

—“Coating me so freaking good baby just keep it like that.” It came out hushed, and you don’t really know if it was the surprise or the shame at his words that shoved you straight into a catastrophic fall beyond the border, but you came, and you came hard, like an implosion, constricted inside of you, throat wrapped on itself.

He did the same, the pulses of your walls swallowed him, and let’s be honest, there was no more bearing left inside of him. His last thrusts came along with loud pants, leaving all his seed in your insides.

Soft strokes of his thumb on your belly were the stimuli which dragged you out of the cloud nine bliss. His head resting near the creek of your neck, his warm breaths over your skin sweet-talking you to doze off.

Your hand found a nice place on his head to scratch, his hair not long enough to tangle but to hide your fingers.

—“Hey, message from earth to the space, are you alright? Do you copy?” Following that, you feel the low rumble of his chest, at least he wasn’t that ‘mad’.

—“Yeah, i’m near the moon now, over.” A chaste kiss is left on your cheek as he raises himself from you. You blush.

—“Agh Frank, that was so corny.” You fake annoyance, the little pull of the corners of your mouth sells you out.

He disappears into the darkness of your hallway. You take the break to get up from the rigid marble table, realizing how much you needed that. After a satisfying stretch, you take your panties off the floor putting them back on you, and serve two glasses of water.

As you engulf your own, you hear him come back stepping more than needed in your leaving room, he drinks the glass you left for him and you turn around to see. You know you shouldn’t feel puzzled by it but you really thought he would stay the night.

Jacket on and his disheveled hair gone, you find yourself astonished by the way the rough angles of his face seemed to soften in such private moments, specially now that his features casted drastic shadows, evoked the looks of a skull, so severe, so stern, is like nothing happened.

You lay your back on the chilly plastic of your fridge, glass is still in hand.

—“Hey, you know you don’t need to leave? It’s pretty late and cold outside, i know you give a fuck about risky so i’m im not bringing that up.” You taunt him, he’s flipping through those goddamn papers again. Finally, he finds what he was searching for. He folds them and buries them in his pocket.

—“Work needs to be done.” And he’s using that cold edge to his voice. It shrinks your heart, but it doesn’t matter, what you feel, it doesn’t.

—“Yeah, whatever,” you do a brief pause, noticing the fidgeting of his fingers, he’s always anxious, despite knowing each other for so long, you can’t entirely read him the way you’d like.

—“I’ll close the door for you.”

—“I have keys y-”

—“Yes Frank i know you do, i gave ‘em to you, c’mon.” You walk down the main door again, the breeze of the night wrapping your bare legs which he is covering with his frame.

—“Take care Frank, i don’t want to stitch your ass together for the hundredth time.” It is a constant struggle, every time he goes away you live it as if it were the last time, it could be both death or the bitter realization that perhaps you weren’t as useful to him, not as relevant as you think you are, both reasons could take him away from you, although you never had him in first place.

You meet his eyes, he was already looking at you, he is pondering something, gears turning in that head of his.

—“Don’t worry about that,” Suddenly he wraps an arm around your waist, hugging you close enough to peck you on the forehead.

—“Y’know you ain’t needa worry ‘bout me.” He caresses the small of your back, you wish he was easier to convince, at this point, and with a lot of persuasion, he’d be happily sleeping on your bed.

You find yourself hugging him tighter, inhaling the scent of his clothes until you let go, your eyes shimmer with something raw, a fresh cut of your vulnerability, he’s aware, he kisses you on the lips, useless like a band-aid on a broken bone. There is no more he can do, regardless. Once you close the door, you are left with the frigid air lingering in your living room.

It’s not that late for a few tears and a couple of wine glasses.

[roses-and-revolutions]

Stephine is really enjoying university life.

Sure her 'night job' left her exhausted more often than not and she wished that some of her professors would just (die) get into some little accidents, leaving them unable to work for some time. But she enjoys being a university student.

And the best part of it all was her roommate, Samantha. Not because she was hot or anything! Yeah ok, it was because Samantha was hot but you couldn't blame her! She had no right being so goddamn attractive! She's smart and cool as well and... back on track!

Stephine sighed remembering the first time she ACTUALLY looked at Sam. The memory was basically etched into her mind.

They had been roomies for a few weeks but had hardly talked before that moment. Mostly because she was dealing with an extremely tricky case that time around. A case with a dead end that had left her feeling exhausted, defeated, and disgusting. And she wanted was a nice hot shower and more than a few hours of sleep. It wasn't like she had any classes the next day anyway.

But when she opened the door, she was met with Sam standing in the middle of their dorm. Gotham's sky was clear that night the power of the full moon was making itself known.

She still remembered how beautiful Sam was. Not that she wasn't always beautiful, even on her worst days she wasn't anything but ethereal. But something was different that night.

Whenever her mind wandered it always strayed to delicate pale skin, covered in strange symbols and runic tattoos she'd never seen before. Dark hair that almost blended with the night, and naked pink lips that... focus Stephanie!

Sam was tall, even without her platforms or Mary Jane's, a good 4 inches at least. And her eyes, she always thought they were black but they weren't. She still vividly remembered that deep violet glow in the near darkness that pierced through her heart straight into her soul. Stephanie knew from that moment she was smitten.

Not too long afterward she started working on getting close to the girl. Though with all the classes, cases, and general Gotham life she'd only been able to find out a few things. Sam was Goth, vegan, and from a small town that no longer exists.

Despite her constantly updating her plant blog, arguing with her parents, and doing research for her various classes (wow double major and double minor, she's ambitious), her online presence was basically zilch.

Was it a bit of a red flag? Maybe. But red was half of purple so it should be ok. She thinks. But that didn't matter now because tonight would be it. Both of them were free and currently doing 'nothing'. All she had to do was turn around and ask a question. Any question!

"Hey S-"

"Hey, Sam!"

She almost gave herself whiplash with how fast she turned her neck to face the window. Hanging halfway through it was a boy. Pale skin, dark raven hair that melded into the night and bright blue eyes that almost hurt to look at. Were they family?

"Oh, you got company! Is now a good time or..."

"Speak or leave."

She sounded mildly annoyed and God was it hot.

"Ok, if I were to, hypothetically, of course, need help hiding a-"

"Do I need to buy a shovel?"

"...Maybe."

"Let me get my purse."

As suddenly as the boy came they both left, through the same window and into the dark Gotham night. Stephanie's mind, which had short-circuited, slowly caught up with what had just happened.

She had many questions. Like how did he get up here without any equipment? It's the fourth floor! Why was Sam so calm about it? Was he just asking for help to hide a body? Why was Sam so calm about being asked to hide a body? And did she just offer to help!?

Wasn't that boy Daniel Fenton? The wanted domestic terrorist that the US Government recently asked the JL to help capture...

Red is half of purple, red is half of purple, RED IS HALF OF PURPLE!!!

[queerfables]

Further thoughts on Buddie following episodes 8x11.

I'm speculating here, but I think this episode was about setting up a coherent and satisfying narrative around Buck and Eddie's feelings for each other. Look. Buck's recently figured out he's bisexual. If he's going to end up dating Eddie, Eddie needs to come out too. But how do you get two main characters to come out as queer when they've only ever dated women before? That's a wildly convenient coincidence.

(Audiences hate convenient coincidences.)

Now Buck is insisting he's not interested in Eddie. Why isn't he interested in Eddie? Well, Eddie's straight. Okay, that's not really an answer. But it doesn't matter! Because Eddie's straight! Why does everyone think he's in love with his best friend? His best friend is straight!

Suddenly Eddie's sexuality is a question. Is Eddie straight? Why is that important to Buck? What would happen if he wasn't? Fandom has been asking these questions since day one and we've already got more than a few answers of our own. But now Eddie's sexuality is being made salient by the narrative. And we're being told, Buck is not in love with his straight best friend.

So, hypothetically: Eddie comes out as Not Straight. This is no longer a wildly convenient coincidence. It's a complication. (Audiences love complications). Because now Buck has to answer the question that we've just established he does not want to answer. Are you in love with your best friend?

They can also reverse the order. Have Buck answer that question and move on to What Now? In this case, Eddie coming out is now a resolution. (Audiences also love resolutions). I think this is the less interesting path but it's also possible.

Usually when I dissect narratives like this I think in terms of "what I would have done." This is not what I would have done. This is better than what I would have done, because I've never had to convince my audience that People Can Be Queer, Actually, Yes Even Him. I would not have thought to structure it this way. I didn't think to structure it this way, and I've given a lot of thought to how I would hypothetically structure a getting together arc that would be convincing to a mainstream audience. I've been thinking that the only options for Eddie coming out are either Buck is supportive and excited for him as a friend, or Buck is painfully hopeful because he's been pining. Way, way better: Eddie comes out and Buck, who's been insisting for months that just because he's queer doesn't mean he's in love with his best friend, immediately realises he's in love with his best friend. And spirals.