#this drawing took me like FOUR HOURS AUGH.

[fishofmanynames]

Tis the first of many RainWing drawings, probably.

[bizlybebo]

oh my god im not your girlfriend but i NEED your normal album analysis omg (im normal about will wood btw)

HI OH MY GOD I TOOK SO LONG TO ANSWER THIS I AM. S ORRY

AUGHH this is definitely an excuse to ramble and i am TAKING it thank you so much for this

im fucking obsessed with the normal album. like sosoos much. it's such a subversive and creative and just. sort of album that you've never seen before, i think it seriously doesn't get the credit it deserves augh

first off here's a link to a 3-hour long analysis of the normal album that i haven't actually watched yet

here's where im cutting the post off before i start incoherently rambling about every song so that i don't curse people's dashes with having to Scroll for a million miles

THIS IS. A LONG ASS POST. LIKE 2.3K WORDS. SO IF YOU CLICK ON THIS BE WARNED LMAO.

i don't expect this to get more than like 2-3 notes this is literally just an open ramble about the normal album cause i got an excuse to.

Suburbia Overture / Greetings from Mary-Bell Township / Vampire Culture is SUCHH a good intro to the album. like. not even going into the lyricism it's fucking so insanely well-composed in a musical sense, I LOVE the samples and the immediate, like, doorbell sound at the very beginning because it just. introduces the ENTIRE album so well.

and the way it introduces will wood's motif of "Everybody's all up in my goddamn business" is SOSOO good.

The first half or so of the song is very illustrative of the typical, like, nuclear family, with these sounds inspired by a very upbeat, like... almost 60s-70s kind of music? It's a very creative song but it's tune and melody are also somewhat restrictive for a decent part of it, expressing perfectly what will wood's saying about this kind of lifestyle. If that makes sense?

and THEN the sudden switch into vampire culture is INSANE. im fucking AUGHGHGH over it.

It draws back on this stereotypical, happy lifestyle where something just seems a bit off and leans ENTIRELY into the uncanny-ness of it all. it's a sudden jump into random tempo switches, fucking just making all the noise he wants, and screaming "fuck your culture".

like the symbolism is so clear yet so subtle. I fucking love it.

and I am

OBSESSED. with this outro.

and THEN the little 'love me, normally' melody at the end is fucking INSANEEE augh. there was literally no better way to start this album off.

2econd 2ight 2eer (that was fun, goodbye) is EASILY one of my fucking favorites on this album. like. god.

IMMEDIATELY starting off with "take it with a pillar of salt, H.A.L.T., it's not my fault", illustrates the point of this song so well.

HALT is the acronym Hungry Angry Lonely Tired. It encourages you to "halt" and think before making an important decision and evaluate-- are you any of these four things?

And it's often been suggested by psychiatrists to a lot of people dealing with mental health issues.

The reason why I'm so obsessed with this lyric is because this entire song is basically accepting, "hey. i'm mentally ill. like i am. FUCKED in the head. this isn't something i can't escape, not really. i'm learning to be okay with this instead of searching my whole life for a cure. i'm never going to be able to assimilate fully into normal society."

and it's mixed with this very, like. Rudimentary view of how society views mentally ill people / those struggling with more severe psychological conditions. The chorus is literally "I'm just a psycho babe; come and go out my mind"

It's almost like this expression of mania, what with the upbeat tempo and the dark lyrics.

"I didn't lose it, I set it free" is another lyric in this song i just. augh. love. love love lvoe vloevleo this whole album. this is DEFINITELY the song i could say the MOST about. but i feel like i'd almost have to save that for another, more organized post.

Laplace's Angel / Hurt People? (Hurt People!)

AUGGGHHHHH.

god.

The title Laplace's Angel comes from the idea of Laplace's Demon, which concerns the whole idea of determinism, etc. It's essentially the idea that if a demon knew the position of everything, everywhere, the laws of physics would allow it to predict and understand the future.

it. doesn't make a lot of sense to me tbh.

BUT.

i understand determinism in a sense, and it's basically the idea that free will doesn't exist and that we and our actions are. products of the things that have already happened to us.

That's the best way I can explain it.

And I think that all of this, tied together with how the song is discussing important topics of morality, etc. is just. So cool and artistic and. God.

It references this guttural, primal sort of fear and this sort of "predictability" of the human psyche with the lyric that throws the entire song into it's first chorus-- said lyric being:

"Run your diagnostic tests, it's posited; nobody dies agnostic, though we still dial 9-1-1."

AND THEEENNNN. the chorus itself. augh.

You could go on all day about the main voice, "Could you take a look at me?" but i'm more in love with the backing chorus--

"It's the norm for animals, it's the norm for chemicals -- It's the norm for particles, eye for eye, for tooth"

and you can see a lot of references to other philosophies such as "an eye for an eye".

AND THEN the bridge being "wash your hands of where you been until you flood the second floor - neatly fold your skeletons but still can't shut the closet door"

essentially just being this greater commentary on morals as a whole, and how, in a sense, morality is just. subjective. Like I don't think I have the skill to illustrate just how insightful this song is on the topic of morality. god.

I / Me / Myself !

so obviously i / me / myself is a remaster of sorts of i / me / myself by Will Wood and the Tapeworms (versus just solo Will Wood)

BUT I LVOE THIS SONG. SO MUCH.

Will Wood wrote this song, essentially, about wishing he could express his femininity properly, right? how he felt like people refused to accept his identity as cisgender and heterosexual because he was a crossdresser, and very proud of it?

i fucking love that. he just puts absolutely everyone on blast for that. he's a cis dude who's also fucking with gender and fashion and art and he's letting people understand that.

but here's where i get personal because i ADORE the song as a lesbian who doesn't consider himself cisgender in the slightest.

I've spent my whole life wishing I could "be a girl" despite being born and raised female-- I simply just didn't fit into the mold of traditional femininity and, growing up in a religious background, that just made it even more difficult to fit in.

So I LOVE the lyric "i wish i were a girl".

AND THE BRIDGE IM JUST OBSESSED WITH TOO

"Eating your prosthetic, meet your anesthetic criteria, pathetic seeing you become acetic -- Say my name like a slur, but I've been called worse; I've heard it all before, no this isn't a first -- Let me be the void you fill with taxidermy fingerprints, taxonomize our differences -- I am quantum physics, my witness brings me to existence"

I think I just. need to leave that there. Cause it says more than I ever could. rahgaghag

and then closing out with the repeated line "all identities are equally invalid; don't you think that there's a chance that you could live without it?" is such cool like. food for thought yk?

idk i love the view Will Wood gave here, honestly. Especially knowing that he's very accepting of the lgbt+ community.

...well, better than the alternative

HOLY SHIT I AM. AUGH. UNWELL OVER THIS SONG.

see, the way I view it, is this attempt to just. Play into a normal, quiet life, despite EVERYTHING mentioned previously in the album. It's about trying to shove beside everything else for a normal existence.

It ties into suburbia overture, i / me / myself, and 2econd 2ight 2eer soso well. it's the perfect "halfway point of the entire album".

another lyric that i just HAVE to throw in here "This isn't my first kiss, it's better to be lost than loved, now isn't it?"

i'm mainly just. obsessed with that because of how aromantic it sounds. even though i know that's not how it was intended.

but i LOVE. THIS SONG. AUGH i love them all obviously but this one has such a special place in my heart.

It's asking somebody to "play along with" you (referring to the normal life thing) and THEN the whole "I just wanna do what's right by you"

it's just. tying together all the previous songs and like. expressing, essentially. "I'm fucked up. Are you willing to put up with me?"

or maybe im just yapping about absolutely nothing on this one idk

--

I don't know much more about the second half of this album, but I feel like diving into the lyrics of Outliars and Hyppocrates : a fun fact about apples is something i definitely need to do soon. i love this song's musical composition and.

"Don't wanna be human, anyways -- who pilots all these crude machines" ?? BANGER FUCKING LYRIC.

It's essentially just-- "the things that make you special are the things that make you strange"

meaning. get weirder with it. get fucking weirder with your art.

BlackBoxWarrior - OKULTRA is probably my favorite song on this album in terms of, musical composition and noise. I've pored over these lyrics soosososo many times and a lot of it goes over my head but over time I've started to understand a LOT of it and i just. augh.

also this song has such strong animatic vibes?? this is the one that makes me think SO much about my current writing project and i adore it for that.

I wish i was like. able to coherently express my thoughts on the lyrics of this song but they're just so complicated and. wow. it's. I think Will Wood totally outdid himself with this one because this is the most. Perfectly tied-together song on this entire album.

HOLY SHITTT

MARSHA, THANKK YOU FOR THE DIALETICS, BUT I NEED YOU TO LEAVE

OKAY I LIED I CAN TALK ABOUT THIS ONE ALL FUCKING DAY.

GOD.

I'M AUTISTIC. IN THE DIAGNOSIS PROCESS. AND LET ME TELL YOU I AM FUCKING OBSESED WITH THIS ONE SO MUCH.

Essentially, under our current system, any inability to perfectly execute a grueling 9-5, 5 days a week, on top of the mental labor of schooling and debt etc. is considered a disability. "Actual" diagnosed people are just the canaries in the coal mines, we're struggling soso much daily and it's just.

It's expanding upon this idea of microlabels and how Will Wood feels about them, and i honestly do think that, even though it's not the intent of this song, it can open up a conversation about how autism is not a "silly" thing. yk how the jokes have essentially become "I have (normal personality trait), is this... 'the tism'?" or the obsession with the fucking. god. "Neurospicy" thing.

^and how this improper culture/misunderstanding of neurodivergency and the need to make it more sanitized/palatable feeds into consumerism. but i can. go on a rant about that some other day.

But basically, with the lyric that "Dr., what's my prognosis if the study shows that: disease is in the eye of the beholder?" it expresses this sort of disdain, almost, with greater society's view on psychiatric abnormalities. if that. makes sense.

and then it's this constant repetition of "Back in my day ; ; ; we just drank ourselves to death. And we fucking liked it". It's also jabbing at this idea of how, in previous generations, you were generally just told to suck it up or you were left behind/ostracized entirely. It's about older generations not understanding the surge of mental health issues as of late. Closing with "We just bled out in the bed".

I love this song. So much. But I feel like this is all I'm gonna say about it because honestly this sort of discourse. Tires me out so much.

AAA OKAY

MY FUCKING LOVE MY DEARIE MY SHINING STAR I LOVE THIS NEXT SONG MORE THAN I LOVE ANYTHING ELSE ON THIS FUCKING PLANET

Love, me Normally

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

THIS IS THE ONE. THIS IS THETHE THE THE THEHT EH *THE* ONE.

THIS IS THE SONG THAT I UNDERSTAND THE MOST. THIS SONG IS LITERALLY ME. ME ME EM EM ME EAUGGHGH

HOLY SHIT.

I feel like so much has already been said on this song. I want to highlight, specifically, the bridge.

This is. my favorite piece of lyricism Will Wood has EVER put out and i fucking mean that.

---

"Now this is the part of the song where I like to talk to my audience

I like to tell 'em there's something I want from you hep cats tonight

I want you to look to your left, look to your right

Your 12 o'clock, three o'clock, six o'clock, nine o'clock, rock around the clock tonight

And I want you to find those points of no return, those singularities

Those burning rings of fire in the beautiful pupils of the beautiful eyes of the beautiful

Boy, girl, neither, both, or in-between that you brought with you tonight

And I want you to tell 'em how you really feel

I want you to tell 'em that you love the way they so seamlessly, like-a-dream-fully

So beautifully, oh so dutifully

Jam that square peg in the round hole in their heart

I want you to tell 'em that you love the way

That they don't stick out like sore middle fingers

That they crawl their way up the side of the bell curve

Stick their flag in the peak, and slide their way back down

I want you to tell them that you love the way that they're not maladaptive

Not malcontent, not malignant or maleficent, but rather that you love them

Exactly the way that everybody else is!"

---

now is it. unnecessary. to paste it all in here? certainly. but i just. love this so much.

the constant motif of mentioning the bell curve is amazing, too. I love this album because of it's essential... just. Being so outside of the normal bounds of society that all you can do is sit back and observe it all like "huh".

this is another ramble that i'd have to save for another post because this is the one that i understand the most.

I personally like to view this one through the lens of aromanticism. cause i can.

Now I'm not gonna go too much into detail on Memento Mori: the most important thing in the world cause BOY is it existential.

but i do think it's a beautiful way of tying this entire album together.

this entire album is almost like a note to humanity in general, this whole "you may not listen to me ever again, but give me these 45 minutes of your life to change your outlook on all of it".

Despite this album being subjective and subversive? Deviating so strongly from the norm that the average person, hell, even most avid fans, could never begin to relate to most of it?

It has this sort of... span of the human existence, in a sense. It understands it on such a small level, and it speaks bast the barriers that we usually don't try to cross. It just says shit that nobody else has said before.

I <3 this album. So insanely much.

I think that it's honestly one of the better pieces of music period that have been put out in these last few years. nothing else is as lyrically, linguistically, or musically different. aughgg

thank you for the ask if you read to the end youre fucking insane.

[transsexualhamlet]

snip snip (snippet!!)

anon you will not believe the way i literally bounced up and down and giggled when I saw this. what can I say I'm a simple man

ok so since you didn't specify between the two I'm giving you the killjoy one and if you request i will also post one of the other fic :)

god this is so . hard because i have sooo much of this written but literally none of it published so hm. well

It has now been about half an hour. boy just pick a snippet. augh ok me when found family me when found family

(this is in poison's pov, he's trying to get the girl to go to sleep)

When I opened the car door I let her in, and pulled up the blue plastic tarp where the sunroof had blown out. She retreated back to the seats where all the blankets were laid out, but pouted. "There's a hole in the tarp."

I nodded, rubbing my temples, looking up, then down. "Uh… yeah. It's a window, so you can see the stars."

She didn't accept that as easily as I'd have wished, and still sat, frowning. I threw a blanket in her hands, gesturing her to lie down.

"So I can see mom?"

I paused, then nodded again. I hadn't intended anything more. But for the love of god. I reached up and held her, her hand over my shoulders. I didn't have to meet her eyes.

I had a mom somewhere up there too, I supposed. Not the one assigned to Kobra and I, the one we came from. Back in Nevada where we came from proper, when I was just two thoughts stuck together with glue. I had two memories of her- the ones that came back when I quit the meds. There was one where she was holding me, in a soft, dark room filled with plastic stars. I think she was singing. And there was one accompanied by nothing but ringing in my ears. The rumble of the bomb's landing, my wailing baby brother and her without a face, melted skin and broken bones.

That was just how it was with mothers.

I looked down at her, and she wouldn't let go, her little hands shaking. I grimaced, almost scared.

I took a trembling, deep breath and brushed the tears from her cheek. "The stars are important," I muttered, tucking her back into the makeshift bed. "For a lot of reasons. It helps us know where we are. You can figure out which direction you're going in by following the directions charted in the stars." I squinted up through the little halo, trying to find Orion. "And if you listen, they'll tell you. They've got your back."

That at least got half a smile from her.

"Um… I saw you guys earlier, with the mailbox thing. Talking to people up there," she muttered, quiet. "So I, uh, made my own thing. To send to my mom."

She rummaged around in her bag- she'd wanted one, like ours. We gave her crayons and markers to put in it (Show Pony's idea.) When she pulled out the paper inside, she held it up to me.

Tentative, I took it.

Inside the messy folds, there was a drawing. I could make out four little stick figures, on yellow ground. Smiley faces and scribbled hair- black, brown, yellow, brown, and special attention to my red.

She was holding my hand, in that little picture. There were words, though I couldn't read most of them. The sky was blue and smiling. The sky said Mom. The red haired stick figure also said mom. 

I put my hand to my mouth, feeling sick.

She frowned. "Do you not like it?"

I frantically blinked away the ominous welling of tears, putting it down. "No, I like it. I like it a lot. Um. It's really good. I think she'll love it."

"Oh," the girl lit up, shadows still under her eyes. "I'm glad. I think she would be glad that I found a new mommy. I wrote it to her. Bout you."

"Is that what I am?" I muttered, dizzy, eyes unrelentingly watery.

"Well I suppose one of you's got to be."

[bonnymori]

𝐌𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐧𝐲

Word count: 2760+ (i'll try to keep bigger lengths such as this one!)

Synopsis: You meet a new classmate who's working along Nanami, you think he's fun to be around, it stands the same to him about you. Later, feelings unravel.

Contents/Warnings: (1) Itadori Yuuji x gn!reader (2) FLUFF, TONS OF FLUFF - and some comfort (3) With the small participation of... Ino Takuma!! I really like him too, that's why <33333 (4) This is pretty platonic, but also not? (5) Ending turned sorta cliché... but I liked it u.u

A/N: This boy made me run rampant... to fhe point it's not single attraction anymore I just wish him happiness (smh if only my parents knew...) also next post will be Toji's fic pt. 2! Y'all see the first part is almost reaching 100 kudos????? I'M SO HAPPY EHSODJWKDKSJD- thanks for all the new followers and the support!! <33

Ever since his fake death, Itadori has been training alone with the help of Gojo - and now, he works along a freshly new face, who belongs to a senior, founds out ex-salaryman named Nanami Kento. He's far a thousand times more strict than Gojo. Itadori doesn't really likes the change, because Nanami is a person he can't get along. This whole guy's appearance scream "work 4 life"; he has proved different, now he screams "work is shit - but I gotta do it because others won't".

They've just finished cleansing the outside of a movie theater off a few curses, when Itadori hears shouting from far behind them. Two figures approach, waving excessively. He quickly picks on Nanami's tired sigh beside him.

"Nanami! We figured out you'd be here! Our mission has been finished and we wanted to catch up to have lunch together!" A male clad in a full black outfit shouts, he has brown hair and a beanie on top of his head, looking quite content.

The other person simply trots next to him in silence, approaching with a friendly smile. They notice Itadori faster than the male, smile widening and quickly waving hello, suddenly eager to reach up to them. The gesture makes the pink haired boy perk up, curious to why the other person looked so joyful. His question is easily answered, when they tug on the man's sleeve and motion to him.

"Ino, we have a third buddy!" The dude looks at him with widened eyes. "So nice to meet you, I'm Y/N L/N! It's great to see new faces around!"

Itadori smiles at your energy, knowing already he would click with you very well.

"I'm Ino Takuma, sorry for not noticing you before! Your uniform looks cool." Itadori exchanges a few compliments with Ino, before the man turns to talk with Nanami, leaving him and you together.

"Yes! I'm Sukuna's vessel, Itadori Yuuji-desu! My type of woman is Jenn-"

You turn to him. "So, are you a first year?"

"Geh? Weren't you dead though?!"

"I was!- I am!- Please keep secret."

"Okay!"

"Ahem." Nanami coughs, drawing attention. "I requested you two to not come after me today. Itadori here is the reason why."

"That's no problem, we're very capable of keeping secrets." You threw your arm over Itadori's shoulder, him nodding along with you.

"Oh really, then remember to keep quiet about it. I'll let this slide." The group of students nervously at Nanami's intimidating tone. "But, I'll get to have my break alone."

"Gah!" Ino exclaimed, watching Nanami walk away; he also left the responsability of taking care of Itadori for you two, leaving without a word. "It really had to be today, when Nanami would take us to his favorite bakery..."

"Crybaby." You teased. "Itadori here can't go outside where anyone can see him, he's dead. So, we were to order food either way because he shouldn't be left out."

"Augh okay, it would be unfair."

"So, where are you staying Itadori?"

"At Gojo's state!"

"Whoa, I've never been there before." Ino commented, waiting as you sent a message to Ijichi to pick them up.

"He's my teacher, a very cool one!"

"I imagine! Ooookay, once we get there I'll get the food."

Itadori felt as his chest would burst of excitement, finally there was people around him again, he couldn't be less happy about it.

"Sharing is caring!"

Itadori laughed as you wrestled with Takuma for some fries, netflix long forgotten in the background, as watching the banter was way more entertaining. Most of the time, Ino rambled a lot about Nanami, while he rambled a lot about Gojo. The guy even showed him the cool scar under his beanie. He felt kinda upset after explaining the exchange was just temporary, his stay under Nanami's wing wasn't decisive, and therefore, he was more like a classmate than a partner.

Itadori also learned a lot about you. He was surprised to find out that you, although energetic, was the one to speak the lesser in conversations. His surprisement grew even bigger when you told him you're a exchange student from Kyoto, arriving Tokyo about the same month as him - thankfully, you were to say for good.

Conversations flowed easily in the air, until a voice from the doorway barged in.

"Yuuji-kun! Don't forget about your lessons! Hi kids! Bye kids!" Gojo said playfully, throwing the familiar punching bear to Itadori before leaving.

"What's this thing?" Ino asked.

"It's to help me control my cursed energy. So while I watch the movies, if I don't charge it with cursed energy it punches me square in the face. I thought I had mastered this thing already, but he insist I keep training with it." Itadori grumbles.

"At least it's cute." You commented, taking a sip of your drink.

"Until it punches you in your face without warning!" The pink haired boy barks.

The talks died down, the three of you eating quietly when another movie is played on the screen. Itadori didn't bother reading the title, it was a plain one about a zombie apocalypse that got him extremely bored, yet he kept watching still so the plushie didn't punch him in the face again; he's been keeping a record since all his last cursed energy training lessons were a sucess to this day. When his head started nodding and eyelids dropping Itadori can't remember well, about fourty five minutes of movie perhaps? Make it fifty, the second slumber took over his body completely.

When he awoke once again, it was near midnight, the clock on the wall told him so. He also noticed a soft and warm surface supporting his head, figures, it's your shoulder he's resting into, he feels an arm around his own shoulders and your cheek placed upon his hair.

"Hey, it's late." You immediately notices he's awake, calling out softly. "You should sleep on your room, or something, better to your spine."

He chuckles when you poke his side. "But I'm comfortable here."

"I'm surprised, you just met me today, and now is sleeping on my shoulder."

"I'm not, that happens often to me."

"Sleeping on people's shoulders?"

"No! Making friends quickly." Itadori likes your gentle warmth, your hug, everything makes him feel at home. "I met two more people before you for two weeks, but they can't see me, because I'm dead."

"So I'll keep you company, that's my new mission."

His eyes widen at that, a oh so little blush covering the tip of his ears.

"For how many time I slept anyway?" He asks.

"About two- no, three hours. You missed two movies, and this one is about to end."

"And you stayed here the whole time?" He motions to your shoulder.

"Yep. That reminds me I gotta pee."

Itadori grumbles, but quickly lifts himself off you, respecting your needs. That gives him some time to look around, he notices Ino is gone, and the plushie sits quietly at the other side of the couch, unmoving.

"Y/N! How did you manage to make it quiet down?" He's beyond bafflet.

"...que."

"What!"

"I said!" You arrive quickly at the doorframe, hands still wet from when you washed them. "I used my innate technique."

"Oh! How is it like?"

"It's kinda funny, gimme a moment." You left to wipe off your hands, coming back in a second. "So, just like Shoko, I produce reverse curse energy, but it's quite different than hers, I can't heal people. That's why we often call it positive energy instead. I can use it to soothe off negative energy, so the bear has no cursed energy right now."

"How does it works on people?" He felt very curious about everything, asking away like a kid.

"Since everyone has negative energy, it just makes you sleepy really. But when it comes to curses it's really practical, I can either weaken it or, if the curse is like grade three or four, I can slap them off existence completely by wiping all their energy." You were naturally proud of having a such versatile power, your own energy swirling with pride around you.

"That sounds amazing! Is it why I fell asleep though?"

"Nah, only if I did it on purpose. I guess you were just tired, hope you don't mind I decided to let you rest today."

"No way, it was a good nap."

You nodded. "By the way, Ino left to attend to a drinking party, he paid for our food."

"Drinking? Is he old?"

"Yeah, he's twenty." You chuckled, already expecting that kind of reaction.

"No way! He looks young just like us!"

"That's totally my reaction after I learned he's twenty!"

After that day, you started visiting Itadori weekly to daily, after exchanging numbers he made a little group with you and Ino, naming it the "Nanami trio". But really, he exchanges more texts with you in private, be them memes, cool images he wish to share, etcetera. Although, Ino wasn't left excluded, he ofter brough his xbox to connect to Itadori's tv room and you all would spend hours playing together; he just didn't spend much time with both of you as much. And that was okay.

For a few days, your connection with Itadori died down when he didn't reply to your texts. They would remain unread for some time, the longest being half a day, until he would spam apologies then move on with the topic. That became a routine until one day when you came over to check on Itadori unnanounced, needin to ease off your worries about the boy, only to find him sobbing in the middle of a hallway, staring ahead and beyond, his back to you.

"Ita-?"

"Egh!" Startled, he scrambled to wipe his eyes, turning to you. "H-hey, um, hi."

"What happened?"

"I- he-" His eyes didn't met yours, knuckles white in a death grip. You notice he has a few bandages thrown over his face and arms. The way his shoulders are drawn, as if he wants to shrink into himself is something you've experienced before.

"Something hard to talk about?"

He nods almost immediately, head still facing down.

"It's alright, come with me." You reach for his hands, grimacing slightly when his forceful grip is now on your hand, yet you don't comment on it. He follows you through the state wordlessly.

You two stop on the same tv room, sitting down on the couch. You then guide his head to your shoulder, gently massaging his scalp with the free hand.

"It's alright."

Those two words are chanted like a prayer for the next half hour, at some point, Itadori twisted his body towards yours and unknowingly caged you between him and the sofa arm. He embraced you with a force you didn't have in you, like he didn't want to lose one another. Painful or not, not a muscle moved on your body. He needed a shoulder to cry on.

Thirty minutes passed like seconds, you peered down only to find the boy confortably napping against your bosom; at some point you just became the cold side of the pillow to him. That's alright. It brings you joy to be the mom friend anyways. So you decided to join the sleepland aswell, arms still secured around his shoulders and the back of his head.

It feels like the nap hasn't been long, though, because you can feel Itadori's grip loosening and therefore, you're awake.

"Sorry if I broke any bones, in advance."

"Wow, and you only warn me now."

He laughs at your comeback, hands still secured around your waist.

"I'm surprised you let me uh, cuddle you for comfort - and sleep. I don't understand it? You just make me sleepy." He rambled, keeping eye contact with you while his head still rests on your chest.

"That's a piece of cake when you have younger siblings who seek for you every night they get a nightmare."

"Does that mean I can come to you again if I have a nightmare?" There it is, his togepi-kirby cutesy face.

"Are you four?"

"That's mean!" Itadori blushed, squeezing you on his arms. "I like the contact. It puts me at ease."

"Mm, do you want to talk about it?"

He gulped. "No, not really."

Your peach haired friend remained silent, and so did you. It seems he doesn't intend in letting you go soon, or he just really forgot to mention it. It gives them time to think, your younger sisted used to do that sometimes, back in Kyoto.

"Y/N, wanna watch anything?"

"Sure, have you watched Parasyte before?"

"No, let's give it a try then!" Itadori glances at the remote, then back at you - making you confused over his hesitation to move. He notices you noticed it, chuckling nervously. "To be honest, I don't wanna let go."

"It's hurting my back."

"SORRY I'M SORRY!" He jumped away from you like a cat would jolt away from a cucumber, making you snicker.

"It's okay, I just wanted to change positions."

And to tease you, but he didn't need to know that part.

He glared at you with a small pout, typing the initials of Parasyte on the search bar. Outside his line of vision, you were grinning like a idiot, his sweeteness took a tow on you. All the people of Tokyo you met really held a way different spirit from your classmates in Kyoto, Itadori being the nicest of all. It's surprising him being Sukuna's vessel to begin with; being honest, you felt drawn by it.

"Y/N, it's startiiiiing." He cut your daydreaming short, slumping on your side and propping his head on your shoulder.

"This again?" You throw an arm around his shoulders, very much like the first time he cuddled himself on you.

"Don't blame me, you're the one who wanted to change positions. Guess I'll just make some alterations since I'm awake this time!" One of his arms went behind your back and circled your waist, hand resting at your hip.

"It's definely different, since the other time you drooled on me."

"Hhgh, okay okay! Let me enjoy this." For perhaps the actual first time, you're able to watch without exchanging words with one another.

And this time, it's you who's head loll to the side, nose buried on his soft rose perfumed hair. Itadori doesn't comment on it yet, his free hand moves under your legs to lift your whole body up efortlessly when he senses you have fallen asleep.

"I remember you said it's bad for my spine, I wouldn't mind it... yours however."

The boy makes a beeline to the guest room, he sighs when there is no choice but open the door with his foot. Inside, he places you carefully in the soft bed.

Before he could leave, a hand reaches up for his sleeve.

"Itadori," He turned, looking at you. "Make me company?"

He giggles softly - you think it sounds like a highschool girl. "You should start calling me by my first name!" Itadori rambles as he climbs on the bed, arms wrapping around your waist in a motion you're familiar with.

"Yuuji, I'm tired, let me sleep."

"But I wanna talk more..." He pouts. "Also, are we, um, dating?"

You wriggle around, bringing his head down to peck on his forehead, teasing. "Correction, I want to date you."

"Uh, oh." A blush coats his face so quickly, you'd say someone dumped a bucket of red paint on his face.

"Is that a no?"

"No!"

"So it is a no."

"Christ, will you stop teasing for a second, I'm trying to talk here." He makes an angry version of his togepi-kirby face, you can't help but grin.

"You amuse me, but okay. I'll do it for you."

"Thanks." He blinks, the blush slowly fading away. "You know, I lied, not about the contact, I like the contact nonetheless-"

His hand moves to play with yours, such as tapping his tips against yours, or meassuring the palms.

"-it's you who brings me comfort."

It's also your turn to blush, that line was seriously charming.

"Yeah."

"Yeah?"

"Yes, we're dating now." You respond, a little eagerly. "Can I kiss you?"

"Please."

This is the best person I could ask for, Itadori thinks, keeping his eyes open as yours shut during the kiss, whom I won't change for anything else in this world.

When you both separate, Itadori feels drowsy and sleepy. His face fits perfectly on your shoulder as always.

"Goodnight, my favorite person."

[delimeful]

to taste your beating heart (5)

warnings: blood, miscommunication, imprisonment, arguing

-

Logan met Virgil-- Anx’s eyes over Patton’s shoulder, and watched as his gaze went from bewildered to guarded in half a second.

In the next moment, Anx had shoved out sharply, pushing Patton away from him hard enough to make him stumble back a few steps-- just far enough to be outside the protective ward, Logan noted. 

As though to cover up the fact that he’d just stripped himself of a potential hostage, Anx stiffened up to his full height, fangs bared at them all.

“Careful!” Roman snapped in an eerie parody of Virgil’s normal catchphrase, rising to his feet as Patton narrowly avoided overbalancing.

“No, no,” Patton said, wiping at his eyes without any shame, “it’s my fault, I should have asked first. I always get kind of emotional after thralls break. My apawlegies, Anx.” He accented the words with a flap of his cat hoodie sleeve.

Logan had time to notice the way Anx’s face twisted-- a mix of confusion-amusement-wariness that was familiar from Virgil’s first weeks working with them-- before Roman cut in with a startled shout.

“The thrall is broken?!” he squawked, head whipping back and forth between Patton and Anx. “Since when?”

“None of your business,” snapped Anx.

“Pretty much as soon as I walked in!” cheered Patton, at the exact same time. He paused. “Whoops, sorry, Anx! Did you want that to be... confangdential?”

“Boo,” Roman called, instantly distracted by the bad wordplay, “That was a reach.”

Logan let his audible facepalm speak for itself. “Out of the way, please, Patton.”

Patton obligingly shuffled to the side, and with every step closer Logan took, Anx folded inwards like a snake rearing back to strike. Seeing Virgil’s body bracing for the worst at his approach made something in Logan’s chest pang oddly, but luckily he was well practiced at ignoring such things.

Once at the edge of the circle, he crouched and inspected the activation key. As expected, nothing was out of place. Logan doubted Anx had been awake long enough to even consider tampering with the circle, let alone attempt it.

Now that the ash had cooled, the spell would be vulnerable to outside influence. It wasn’t as big of a concern anymore, seeing as the thrall on Patton had been removed, but Logan wasn’t one to leave things half-done.

… Also, if left unattended, Patton would probably free the vampire without telling anyone even without being under thrall.

Logan set his palm on the activation key and nonverbally cast a warming spell, reactivating the part of the spell that singed any unauthorized fingers messing with his circle. He could add the warming charm into the circle’s layout later, when there wasn’t a twitchy vampire watching his every move.

Despite his efforts to make his spellcasting subtler than usual, Anx still seemed to go still and stiff like hunted prey when the change in the spell sent a mild warmth into the air around them. Those uncanny purple eyes flickered between all three of the hunters for a moment, and then seemed to settle for glaring at nothing.

“So, Draculame, what prompted the sudden change of heart?” Roman asked, arms crossed over his chest.

His tone wasn’t as accusatory as before, but Anx’s bristling only increased, likely at the nickname. It had taken a while for Virgil to realize Roman’s ruder habits weren’t mean-spirited. It seemed like Anx would have to relearn that.

Provided they got that far.

Shaking the rather grim thought away, Logan tilted his head at the vampire. “I’m admittedly curious as well.”

Anx hissed at them, which they probably should have expected. It probably said something about their friend that this had already been standard Virgil behavior before he’d been turned. It was almost nostalgic.

“Now, kiddos, let’s not vamptagonize him!” Patton cut in firmly, ignoring their groans. “It’s almost dawn, so how about we call it close enough to morning and have some breakfast? I’ll make pat-cakes!”

He swanned out of the room without waiting for an answer, nearly hip checking the doorframe as he went. For a moment, Logan half-expected to see Virgil fall in a half-step behind him, like a particularly emo shadow. The absence was jarring.

“He hasn’t slept tonight,” he finally said, capturing Roman’s attention. “Make sure he doesn’t use salt instead of sugar?”

“And meanwhile you will be…?” Roman prompted doubtfully. Logan rolled his eyes.

“Figuring out a way for Anx to safely move to the kitchen, as Patton no doubt wants him there,” he replied, raising a hand to forestall any protests. “I took precautions.”

Roman threw his hands up dramatically, shot Anx a warning glare, and then turned to leave.

“Ugh. There goes my appetite,” he grumbled as he stormed out the door.

Logan allowed himself a sigh and then turned to face Anx. The vampire was still staring at him oddly. “I will be placing a pair of enchanted cuffs on you. They have no chains and they will not hurt you, but if you move against any of us with malicious intent, they will freeze in place.”

“And what am I supposed to do if you move against me?” he challenged automatically, lip curling. “Stand there and take it?”

“The cuffs will not stop you from running or hiding,” Logan told him, “and you’ve proven yourself to be skilled at both of those things in the past 48 hours. None of us are planning on attacking you, but you will have options regardless.”

This wasn’t how he would have reassured Virgil, but this wasn’t the Virgil he knew, the one that trusted him. He couldn’t soothe Anx’s cognitive distortions, not when he was barely more than a stranger.

He retrieved the shiny black cuffs from a nearby cabinet. They hadn’t had a thrall aggressive enough to use them on in months. “If you’ll put your wrists forward, we can proceed. Otherwise, Patton will be bringing breakfast to you, and I’d prefer not to get syrup or blood all over this room.”

Anx eyed him warily for another few moments, but eventually Logan’s patience paid off, and he stuck his wrists out with a growl. Logan reached past the barrier without any trouble and clicked the first one into place. Before he could proceed with the second, Anx’s hand flipped around and grabbed onto Logan’s wrist tightly.

Logan’s head jerked up to meet Anx’s gaze, already shifting his weight to counter a pull, but the vampire didn’t move further, just stared at him intently. “I know what you are.”

He clearly expected some kind of dramatic reaction, but Logan wasn’t in the habit of those, particularly not for such vague accusations. “If you’ll specify?”

“You’re a witch,” Anx said. “I saw you tamper with the circle without any instruments. You have natural magic.”

Logan felt his stomach sink slightly. Logically, he knew that this wasn’t the Virgil he knew, but it still made something in him twist to think of any version of Virgil blackmailing him over his magical heritage. “And what of it?” he asked, as lightly as he could.

“You’re living in the same house as hunters. You’re doing magic right under their noses, you’re going to get yourself killed!” Anx scolded, sounding more like Virgil with every word. “Do you need help getting out?”

Logan wasn’t entirely sure what sort of face he made in response to this endearingly dense offer, but it was apparently enough to make Anx frown with uncertainty. He held a hand out for his other wrist and clicked the cuff on it without any problems, and then deactivated the circle with a simple gesture of his hand over the key.

Anx’s eyes flicked to the door, and Logan tried not to think about him darting out into the early morning sun. He turned and headed to the door.

“Follow me, and you’ll get your answer.”

While traversing the halls, Logan resisted the persistent urge to check behind him. Gone were the slight shuffled footsteps that had previously accompanied Virgil’s presence, replaced by Anx’s supernatural silence, as though he was gliding over the floor without even touching it.

He entered the kitchen, where Patton had evidently wrangled Roman into setting the table. Whether the four plates set out were out of habit or Roman reluctantly accepting Anx’s presence at the table, Logan wasn’t sure.

He cleared his throat, making both of them look up from attempting to draw funny faces with the pancake batter.

“Observe,” he instructed, and then drew a sigil in the air and lit a simple flame in his hand. Behind him, he could practically hear Anx go as stiff as a board.

“Are we showing off?” Roman asked, a bit excited but completely unsurprised. “Should I perform a monologue?”

“Great spell, Lo! No arson in the house, though,” Patton added in a bright chirp. “After all, I have enough ar-sons here already!”

Logan doused the flame by clenching a fist, giving Patton a Look that went blithely ignored. “You two are incorrigible. That was a simple demonstration.”

He turned to Anx, who looked a little shell shocked.

“As we’ve informed you, ‘hunter’ is a title that we use mostly for convenience and ease of access to jobs. We help magical beings just as often as average humans, if not more frequently.”

“We tried out ‘Protectors of the Innocent’ for a while, but it never really caught on for some reason,” Roman added, subtly sneaking a piece of bacon from the serving plate while Patton’s back was turned.

“Perhaps it would have worked better if someone hadn’t only put P.I. on all the business cards, resulting in us being mistaken for Private Investigators and all of our calls being about spousal infidelity for a solid two months,” Logan snarked back, moving past them to retrieve the orange juice from the fridge.

“The printing office charged by the letter!” Roman protested, and then recoiled from the countertop as his next attempt at sneaking ended with his fingers smacked mercilessly. “Augh! Forsaken by those dearest to me! What cruelty!”

“No sympathy for bacon thieves,” Patton chided, wielding his spatula like an instrument of mass destruction. “Go sit!”

Logan seated himself as well, and turned to Anx, who had been watching the banter play out from the doorway with a somewhat dazed expression. “You’re welcome to sit. Patton will likely insist on it, actually.”

“You people,” he enunciated slowly, “are crazy.”

“You get used to it,” Logan assured him with the certainty of someone who had heard this exact phrase from Virgil before. He checked his watch. “It has been some time since you last ate. I can retrieve some stored blood from our refrigerator.”

“Actually,” Patton set a plate stacked high with pancakes in the center of the table with a plonk, “I figured I could just be Anx’s donor for a while!”

Roman, who had just stolen a sip of Logan’s orange juice, did a movie-perfect spit take, and Patton slid the pancake stack swiftly out of range of the spray.

“It will be 55 days before you are viable for another blood donation,” Logan recited the fact automatically, but he was just as thrown off as Roman.

“Not if he drinks from me directly!” Patton retorted, a beacon of cheerful composure.

“What?” All three of them replied, at varying levels of screech.

Anx shot a wild-eyed look at the room at large and took a step back, as though physically distancing himself from the idea.

“Patton, you can’t be serious!” Roman pushed his chair back and stood, looking distraught. “Fangs For The Memories over here might look like Virgil, but he’s proven quite thoroughly that he’s not! We just got you un-thralled, clearly he can’t be trusted not to take advantage of you!”

Logan noticed Anx wince, though he couldn’t tell whether it was from the harsh assessment or Virgil’s name being spoken.

“Me not being thralled anymore is exactly why we can trust him not to hurt me,” Patton said, chin tilted up stubbornly. “He doesn’t know what he did wrong, but he fixed it anyway! That’s more than good enough in my book.”

“Well, maybe your book needs some copyediting!” Roman snapped back, exasperated. “So his unbeating heart isn’t as completely shriveled up as it originally seemed! So what? That doesn’t change the fact that he was the one who thralled you in the first place!”

Logan cut in, physically moving between them to break up the beginnings of a shouting match.

“I have to agree that this is a bad idea, for a multitude of reasons,” he started, raising a quelling hand before Patton could protest. “The matter of Anx’s trustworthiness aside, you shouldn’t be directly donating blood to any vampire. It is an unnecessary risk to your mental and emotional well being.”

“Thank you,” Roman said, apparently keen to seize allies where he could. He gestured expansively, looking at Patton with earnest eyes. “You’ve come so far, Pat. We don’t want to see any of your hard work undone. Virgil wouldn’t want that either; you know he’d fight this harder than any of us.”

Patton’s face had softened at their-- Roman’s sentimental worrying, but even bringing Virgil into it couldn’t sway his determined course.

“I know you guys just want me safe, but this is something I need to do. Even if it is a risk, I can’t be held down by this fear forever. And who better to help me than Anx!”

“Literally anyone who hasn’t threatened to kill everyone here in the last 48 hours,” Roman moaned, dragging his hands down his face.

“Besides,” Patton continued, undeterred, “this way we don’t have to worry about our emergency transfusion supply going low! It just makes sense.”

Logan had to begrudgingly agree. Between the hassle of trying to explain why they suddenly needed significantly more blood and the fact that a vampire drinking directly would replenish blood cells at a much higher rate than drawing blood, the best option really was to have a direct donor. He simply didn't want it to be Patton.

Unfortunately, his odds of actually being able to stop Patton were quite low.

“Nothing about any of this makes sense,” Anx grumbled, having retreated to the hall like a skittish feral cat.

The vampire seemed almost more unsettled by the idea than either of the other objecting parties, despite being the only one who directly benefited from the hypothetical arrangement. Nervous about their responses if he agreed, perhaps?

“We can at least give it a shot!” Patton insisted, coming a little closer to Anx and reaching out to gently pat his shoulder. It spoke volumes that the touch wasn't brushed off or rejected. “It could end up helping us both! And if it doesn’t, we’ll just find another way! You won’t be in trouble for messing up, okay?”

Anx blinked, slowly, still looking somewhat unconvinced that this was reality. Still, after a few moments of exposure to Patton’s encouraging smile, he dipped his head in a nod.

“Okay.”

[tavernlightsart]

Prologue

TW// birth, dead, blood

Sallowclaw hissed in frustration and panic as the pure white she-cat in front of him let out a blood curdling scream, splintering the branch clamped tightly between her jaws. The silver tabby blinked away the tears clouding his vision as he worked to help her through this. The amateur mixture of burnett and chervil had done far less than he had hoped to soothe the pain. 

'What if I grabbed the wrong thing?!' He thought with horror, swallowing hard. 'No… no I stole these directly from Adderjaw!' He reasoned, placing a paw on his mate's side as she let out another screech of pain, the stick breaking and allowing her to scream at full volume. 

Sallowclaw winced, but he shook his head, focusing on the molly again. "C'mon Blizzard, I know it's hard- but you can do this!" His usually confident, deep voice was cracking with fear. 

"Augh! This is- I can't- ah!" Blizzard shut her eyes tight as she screamed, finally, after nearly four hours of labor, delivering her first kit. Sallowclaw quickly scooped up the bundle of wet, white fur and licked the casing off it and rasped his tongue backwards along the kit's spine, doing as he had seen Adderjaw do when Runningwillow had delivered her kit earlier the same day. 

The kit let out a feeble mew, and Sallowclaw heard another yelp from Blizzard. The kit took after their mother… they were tiny. Blizzard had warned him that she wouldn't be able to deliver the three kits she had found herself pregnant with seeing as she was very small framed. 

Sallowclaw felt with a surge of fear and panic that she might've been right. "Sallowclaw!" She yelled, ribs shaking with the force of her breathing. "Y-you ha-have to take her… r-raise her in HiddenClan- augh! I'm not going to make it-" 

"Don't say that!" He yelled in reply, hackles raising not out of aggression but rather fear. 

Blizzard threw her head back with another scream, claws digging into the earth before her. When she had regained enough strength, the beautiful white she-cat lifted her head, chest heaving. "I love you, Sallowclaw… I love you so much." 

The warrior was now fully crying, tears falling unabashedly down his striped cheeks. "I love you too, Blizzard!" She placed her paw on his and Sallowclaw smiled sadly, barely noticing her claws digging into his flesh. 

The loner let out a screech, her body seizing as the grass around her lower body turned dark as blood pooled around her, staining her pearly white fur a deep maroon. With that, her chest rose sharply one more time before she exhaled deeply, her features falling still, blue eyes seeming suddenly clouded with the emptiness of death. 

Sallowclaw let out a wail of grief, burying his nose in her fur and sobbing. He heard something shuffle beside him, accompanied with a soft mewl. 

He turned to see the tiny white kit, attempting to knead at Blizzard's still warm corpse with desperate, hungry cries. Sallowclaw felt a new rush of tears well up in his eyes. This was his kit… this was his kit. 

Sallowclaw was a father.

But the kit looked so much like Blizzard… she even had the little grey dots on her tiny face. The grey tom didn't know how he was going to be able to look at his child without seeing their mother… who had just died beside him. 

"I'm so sorry…" He whispered, unable to look at Blizzard. He had to get this kit back to camp quickly, Runningwillow had delivered her own kit earlier that day, so she would have enough milk for this one too… 

That is, if HiddenClan will forgive him for falling in love and mating with a loner. 

Gently, he lifted the kit by the scruff, shutting his eyes to steady himself before heading off in the direction of the HiddenClan border since he and Blizzard had found a place just outside of the Clans for her to deliver their kits… well, kit. 

Just as he reached the clan's border, his head hung low in shame and grief, he heard a cry that made his fur bristle. 

Ears swiveling to meet the noise, he first noticed the stench that hit his nose. 'What is that?!' He though, drawing his lip back while still holding his kit. 'Blood..? An outsider cat… and,' With a jolt of horror he recognized the third scent. 'Fox!' 

Suddenly, the bushes shook as a strange smelling, molly shoved her way through. She was a large brown tabby, although that was hard to tell by the amount of blood covering her pelt. She ran with a limp which Sallowclaw noticed was from her back right leg, where she was missing a large chunk of flesh. The thing that really chilled him, however, was the fact that clamped similarly between his jaws was a newborn kit. 

In a panic, the she-cat set the small bundle of brown fur, though significantly larger than his kit, down in front of her, glancing around wildly with her yellow eyes. "You have to help me!" Her meow carried a very strange accent that the tom didn't recognize.

Sallowclaw set his kit down, standing over them, hackles bristling. "Who are you?!" 

"Vonnie," she replied hurriedly, breathing hard. "There's- there's a fox chasing us. I lost him down at the river but-" Sallowclaw opened his mouth and sure enough, the reek of fox had grown stronger. Vonnie looked at him with desperation in her eyes. 

"You have to take my daughter, please! She can't die!" 

Sallowclaw bit his lip, looking away. 'I have my paws full with my kit… what if I can't carry both of them away in time… and I lose both kits?' A shiver ran down his spine as the thought of occured. But Vonnie's next words spurred him to make up his mind. 

"Take Sparrow and run! I would do the same for you." 

Sallowclaw realized she was right, and the desperation in her voice only sealed it. Leaning down quickly he scooped his kit and Vonnie's daughter, Sparrow, as close together as he could, grabbing onto their scruffs and turning with one last look at Vonnie. 

At that moment, a large fox burst, snarling, from the bushes. Vonnie yowled and launched herself forward, furiously tearing at anywhere her claws could find purchase. So Sallowclaw ran, he raced as fast as he could down through the forest that he knew like the back of his paw. Although he was very careful not to jostle the kits too much, both were mewling pitifully by the time they finally reached the entrance to HiddenClan's camp. It was one of the only parts of the forest that was mostly open to the sky. A clearing that housed his clan comfortably within the tall bramble bushes that guarded them.

The first to recognize Sallowclaw was Fernfoot and her apprentice, Reedpaw, who were watching over the camp for the second guard shift. 

"Sallowclaw-? Woah!" The young, rambunctious, rusty-brown tom, exclaimed as he saw the kits. Reedpaw was quickly hushed by his mentor's tail over his muzzle. 

The brown tabby she-cat looked up at the older warrior with confused concern in her brown eyes. "What's going on?" She asked in a hushed tone, leading him inside. With a flick of her tail and a stern look towards her apprentice, she sent Reedpaw to fetch the medicine cat, Adderjaw. 

Sallowclaw didn't answer. He felt as if he put the kits down he'd begin to cry… he couldn't do that infront of Fernfoot. So instead he simply looked down, thick tail dragging as his large form sagged with shame and grief. 

Soon enough, a tall abyssinian tom ran up to them from across the camp, Reedpaw just behind him and questions glittering in his gaze. 

"Reedpaw, Fernfoot, I need to speak with Sallowclaw." The warrior nodded and sat down, but Adderjaw flicked his ear and added, "Alone." Embarrassment flickered through Fernfoot's eyes and she padded off, beckoning Reedpaw to follow. 

Sallowclaw finally set the two kits down and clamped his jaw shut to keep from crying, unable to look up at the medicine cat. Adderjaw immediately got to work, examining each kit quickly and giving them each a lick over the ears as they mewed. Seeming satisfied, he nodded and looked to Sallowclaw. 

"The white one seems to be premature and slightly underdeveloped in size, the brown one is alright, just hungry. And, uh, congratulations, Sallowclaw, you have two little girls." 

"No." He hissed out, voice strangled. "They- the brown one isn't mine, her mother asked me to take her… a fox was chasing them. She's most likely dead now." 

Adderjaw processed the information, his face remaining neutral. "I see…" 

"And the white one-" Sallowclaw's voice broke again. "Her mother was a loner… she's- she's dead." The silver tabby dipped his head as tears began to well up in his eyes. 

Adderjaw leaned over and licked his shoulder soothingly. "My sister had her kit today, I'm sure she wouldn't mind taking these two in… what are their names." 

Sallowclaw looked down at the two kits. 'Vonnie called her Sparrow, so…' "Sparrowkit." He replied, gesturing to her. The white kit covered her little face with her paws, shrinking in on herself like she knew the focus was now on her. "And Shykit." 

Adderjaw smiled softly, lifting Shykit in his jaws. "C'mon." He meowed quietly, flicking his tail for Sallowclaw to follow with Sparrowkit as he headed for the nursery. 

Once inside, they were careful not to wake up the two nursing queens, Brightmask and Greywash, or the monarch, Applesneeze. Monarchs were queens if they were toms or in between. Applesneeze was simply an elder who chose to care for kits as his permanent position. 

As Adderjaw explained, Runningwillow nodded, the confusion in her face shifting to curiosity. "Sallowclaw?" She asked in a soft meow. "Where did they come from?" 

Her brother began speaking. "He found-" 

"Both of them." Sallowclaw interrupted, sending Adderjaw a meaningful look that seemed to sat "no one can know". He sighed. "Both their mother's are dead." 

Runningwillow furrowed her brows in sympathetic sorrow. "Oh the poor dears… of course I'll nurse them. And Sallowclaw, feel free to visit your daughters at any-" 

Sallowclaw let out a low, pained hiss, tears in his eyes. "I will never be a father!" Or a mate… StarClan made that clear. He added mentally. The abyssinian molly looked taken aback by his outbursts, simply nodding and replying with a soft, "Okay." 

The silver warrior turned and exited the nursery quickly, furious grief tearing at his heart. As he left he could hear the siblings speaking in hushed mews to each other, but he didn't care to listen. StarClan had taken Blizzard from him because he broke the Warrior code. He wasn't going to break it further by raising Shykit and risk losing her too. 

Besides, he was sure he'd make a lousy father now. After all, he was a lousy mate, he couldn't save her… Turning his blue eyes skyward, Sallowclaw sighed, watching as the trees shifted, outlining Silverpelt glimmering above them. 

'I'm sorry Blizzard. I'm just not strong enough.' 

[awfully-sadistic]

The enemy of my... wait.

“If someone told me I’d be working together with you, I would have laughed.” Dot’s tone didn’t give any indication that there had been any laughter behind her statement and the bite following caused Ada Wong’s hands to still in her task. But it was only a flicker of a moment because deft fingers worked to attach the muted mine onto concrete and Ada hurried back, taking Dot by the shoulders to usher her a safe distance away before it exploded.

“And told them they were stupid. And to stop talking to me ‘cause I hate liars.  But we promised to save some kids and that’s the only reason why I’m doing this--!” Dot was still talking as Ada placed her arms around Dot’s petite shoulders, curling herself over the younger woman to ensure nothing touched her when the mine activated, spouting debris everywhere. There was a timer ticking a countdown and something amazing soon happened afterwards. But the next thing Dot realized was that there was a hole in the wall and sound coming back to her ears.

“What the hell was that?” she asked, looking up at Ada. Then, realizing the other woman’s closeness, Dot began to shake her off her shoulders. Ada didn’t seem to mind, instead opting to answer Dot’s question.

“It’s a mute charge,” she whispered, turning back to the hole in the wall which the mine had cleared. She stuck her head out and looked up and down the darkened halls to ensure that no one was coming to give them any more trouble. “I manged to swipe some of the military tech lying around the facility and figured it would be useful.” It definitely did prove to be useful since there had been a wall standing in their path between here and the children. “We don’t want to draw anymore attention to ourselves and had agreed to let Leon do the heavy lifting, but we needed to get through. It emits a vibration-dampening field and mutes the noises of gunfire and explosions.” Once Ada saw and heard that no one had been alerted to their position, she turned to give Dot a smile. “Pretty useful, huh?”

Dot folded her arms and muttered something under her breath like, “I guess.” There was no way she was giving Ada any props or the satisfaction that things were going pretty well... considering the dangerous environment they were in and the fact that anyone could start shooting at them at any minute. And though Dot didn’t like to admit it, she had preferred prowling and stealthily moving around as opposed to standing around in a fire fight. Leon and Monica seemed to have that front covered as much as she worried about the two and as much as she would rather be with them at the moment helping in any way she could, she was with Ada. But she couldn’t deny that that stealth and cover was going to be needed to evacuate a dozen or so kids from the building.

It was somewhat by choice, too. That was what frustrated Dot the most. Once everyone had heard there were children being held captive in the building, finding out that they were being experimented on, Dot had already knew where she was heading. She knew where she was needed and there was no changing her mind no matter how much Leon protested they get rid of the bigger threat first. But Dot’s heart had always been with children (especially those in need!) and there was no guarantee that the children would have been safe to see this entire thing through. There were so many perils in this underground facility, Dot didn’t want to be around it another minute. She can only imagine what those kids were going through.

“I’ll go with her,” Ada had compromised. It had shocked Dot to hear that Ada was volunteering on doing something selfless and for children, no less. 

“I’m surprised you want to do anything to help anyone.” Dot couldn’t help the snarky response that flew from her mouth despite being vaguely grateful for the help to persuade Leon to let them go. If it bothered Ada, she didn’t let it show. She was used to the hostilities Leon’s partner and girlfriend harbored for her. Something about not treating Leon right? Instead, she gave Dot a fairly confident smile bordering on smug that Dot wanted to pop her one in the mouth and smear that red lipstick she wore so perfectly applied all over her face.

“I never said I was coming along to help the kids.”

Dot’s gaze narrowed and she frowned deeply. It figured she had some ulterior motive and one she wasn’t too keen on sharing since she didn’t elaborate on it. Leon looked helpless switching his gaze between the two women and Monica, who was awkwardly shuffling on her feet and looking anywhere else but in front of her, didn’t ask any further. The both of them were supposed to provide Leon Kennedy the backup he needed and running into Ada was just, yet again, another inconvenience. Dot wanted to argue but Ada was the only one who volunteered to go.

“Sorry, Dottie, I have one half of the EMP resonator Leon needs to install. I’d go with you but...”

“That’s alright, love,” Dot said, turning her gaze to give her best friend an encouraging smile. “Ada and I will go rescue the kids. You just need to give us a time frame to work with, we’d need the extra time to escape with them as well as an escape route before all the power cuts out and we get trapped somewhere stupid.”

Leon looked pensive as he thought the situation over. He was iffy about letting his girlfriend and Ada Wong, a rather un-trustful person, go off on their own. But he understood Dot’s worry. And he also cared about the fate of these children as well. There was proof they were still alive and caged in another part of the compound but...

“Splitting up is always a bad idea...” He finally said, raising his worried gaze to Dot. They weren’t setting off a bomb, but they were shutting off all the power to the compound as a means to hinder the private military company using and even trading B.O.W.’s around the globe. Experimenting on these children had produced faster, smaller, and deadlier B.O.W’s as much as it broke Dot’s heart to hear it. However, this EMP will also incapacitate the power on safety measures, shutting down or locking down some areas and restricting the exit points they could use as a means to escape. That was why it was so important Dot and Ada find a couple of reliable escape routes for their side mission. Their main goal had been to shut down any B.O.W.’s in production, stalling them in their test tubes and cryo-chambers. Leon had no doubt they’d get this task done but he did not know exactly what entails from shutting the entire place down. However, from his experience in things like this, it usually means it opens gates for bigger and larger obstacles. That was what scared him the most, being separated from Dot during one of those times.

“But right now, it’s the only option we have.” Dot pointed out. She agreed with Leon that splitting up was a terrible, terrible idea and she also knew the importance of this mission, but since there were four of them, it’d be no problem to focus their efforts on this one little thing. It was probably safer from actually doing the main mission.

“You’re right,” Leon stated, shaking the hair out of his eyes. He sighed deeply and settled his gaze on Dot. She could see the worry still etched on his face, the way he looked troubled at the turn of events and then finally having to make a decision to send his beloved girlfriend off to go through unknown elements but knowing they must do anything they could for those children, too. “they have to be saved and I can’t think of a better person to help them.”

Dot beamed proudly, reaching down to give Leon’s hand a squeeze; one he immediately returned. Leon and Dot were too busy making goo-goo eyes at each other that they missed Ada’s curious glance between the two, it had almost went unnoticed. Monica rubbed the back of her neck, wondering if Ada knew that she was openly staring, wondered if Ada realized she wasn’t as great at keeping a poker face as she had thought. There was blatant jealousy in the way her gaze lingered over their linked hands and Dot’s soft expression, her happy smile, and the minute Ada turned her gaze to lock with Monica’s, her facade was back up. That mask was on again. Monica gave the other woman a nervous smile and looked down at the handgun in her hand suddenly finding it much more interesting. It wasn’t like she could say anything about what she just saw. 

“How about if we...” Dot settled the map down on a nearby crate and Ada and Leon stood hunched over a map for the next half hour, going through all the escape points the girls could go through that’d support the escape of a dozen kids. They took into account how the children might not be at their best, either, weak and malnourished until they finally came up with a plan.

That was what brought the events up to now. Dot was still struggling to get along with Ada but she couldn’t help but notice something was different about the other woman when it was just the two of them. Ada seemed a lot more relaxed, not quite as cocky as when Leon was around. And Ada never addressed Dot in that same cocky tone she would use on Leon, either. Dot was open about her distaste about the woman but Ada never showed her the same treatment. It was almost enough for Dot to feel guilty about how hostile she was treating Ada when it seemed she was doing nothing wrong... but she has been around Ada for many years now, been privy to her attitude whenever she and Leon ran into her. Not to mention the many times she’s double-crossed them or done something to suit her own ulterior motives. 

Augh. That reminded her.

“What did you want, anyway? You don’t even want to help the kids, it’s clearly something you’re after. So what is it?” Dot brought up the question that was left hanging in the air from the small enclosure they had been in several minutes ago. Ada stood on the other side of the hole made by the mute mine, holding a hand out while the other supported herself on the wall as she leaned in towards Dot. 

“What did I want?” Ada asked, puzzled. When she saw that Dot was staring at her hand, she wiggled her fingers enticingly. “Come on, I just want to help you over.”

“Wha--” Dot blinked, “I can do it...” she argued a little confused. Dot wasn’t the type that was usually stubborn when it came to things like this. People helping her, extending hands to place in theirs. But this was Ada and she didn’t trust her.

Ada didn’t say anything but she didn’t retract her hand, either. She did, however, watch as Dot stepped over huge piles of concrete and rubble, stopping just before crossing over. Ada’s hand was still extended and she glanced down at it, still perplexed. Why???

Hesitantly, Dot did take Ada’s hand. If Ada wanted to help her across, fine. That’s her thing. Dot wasn’t going to be hearing about this later when Ada turned it around and made her look the bad guy for this--

“Wuh!” Ada had pulled Dot across the concrete barrier and was apparently a lot stronger than Dot had anticipated. She now stood IN Ada’s space, pressed against the other woman’s front, head craned back having to look UP at her.

Was Ada always this tall? No, it had to be the high heels, right? Yeah. That’s it. High heels.

Ada had that stupid smug grin on her face again and Dot made to move away, to push herself away, but she didn’t move anywhere. Ada’s other hand snaked around her back, her waist, holding her close.

“Were you asking what I wanted?” she asked. Her gaze roamed Dot’s face, taking in the way her lip curled, the obvious distrust, maybe even hate on display, for all to see. Ada couldn’t blame Dot. She has screwed Leon over many times. She just couldn’t help if Leon brought his girlfriend with him and she got caught up in things. It wasn’t what Ada wanted, well, for Dot anyway. She didn’t give a care for Leon S. Kennedy. if anything, he was like an annoying little brother who kept popping up and trying to get into her business. But Dot.

You know how sisters get crushes on their brother’s friends? It was something like that. 

Ada Wong had never been attracted to men yet they found her attractive and she used that against them; wasn’t it their own fault for being so gullible? So easy? She thought she could use it against someone like Leon when she had first met him but Leon jumping in front of her to save her many times and his selfless nature changed her mind and genuinely allowed her to see the man as nothing more than a good guy; one of the real ones out there. For as much as she deceived Leon, she also cast a helping hand too, and she felt like a big sister trying to guide a dumb puppy of a brother from getting himself seriously harmed. But when Leon started to bring his girlfriend around, it was like the world stopped for a moment as she settled her eyes on Dot Dreadful. Perhaps she was a little more cruel to Leon in those times when Dot was around because she was jealous.

Dot was a very attractive woman and Ada could find herself in the shoes of all the men she had deceived in the past if Dot had wanted to turn the tables on Ada one day.

Dot may have been asking what Ada wanted but Ada was never one for straight answers. But, like Leon, perhaps she’d cast a line to help Dot understand on her own. Slowly, she slid her arm out from Dot’s curvy hips yet taking the time to savor the feel of her in her arms.

“Its true what I said back then. I didn’t come along because I’m helping the children.” she paused before she turned around, starting to walk off to lead Dot to where she wanted to go. “I’m doing this because I’d rather help you.”

[kalimarsdreamlog]

Dream 137: I'm Not a Vampire, Really! Aka Double Spirits

This one gets a tad weird and rambly, but this is another one of my favorites, enough so that I’ve drawn soooooo much stuff for it. Only a few illustrations are here for the time being because a lot of them are crossovers, but all will be posted in time! Why are the others crossovers? Well, actually, I’m writing a story based on many of my favorite dreams, with this one happening to form the main structure. Anyway, moving on!

​Oh, and by the way, I had this dream BEFORE I got into Yu-Gi-Oh. Just putting that out there.

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So I dreamt that I got killed by some tribe of people way long ago, but they put me on this altar that brought me back to life. I think it was punishment for offending them, though I don’t remember how. Granted it had come down to a fight, me vs four or five of them. They had these two-pronged spear-looking things and wore very little armor. I can infer that they did not fear death, between their little armor and the fact that they made me immortal as punishment for my alleged crimes. Anyway, I came back after bleeding out, but my spirit split into two different parts. (More under the cut)

(Excuse the gore. Couldn’t get this out of my head until I drew it. Somewhat ironically, this was done on the back of a forensics worksheet. I had already taken the blood unit in forensics so the spatters are all meticulously done to tell a story. Anyway, moving on.)

​Each half got different powers. Since we were already dead, we both basically got immortality. It was a middle-earth type world that we were in, just to explain why I got killed by a tribal people and why stone altars worked. (I was confused about why they just let me bleed out on the darn thing instead of just getting it over with) I was also very male because back then women weren’t allowed to go out adventuring or to war. Anyway, I was the more serious of the two halves of my spirit, and I came out of the ordeal looking younger than I had before, while the half who actually had a sense of humor (but not obnoxiously so) came out looking the same age as before I was killed. For some reason, he became a vegetarian. Also for some reason we both had to consume different things to keep up our powers and our health. My powers (other than flight) were all oil and plastic-based. It was weird. I sweated plastic and could control engines because I could control the oil, and I could melt and re-set plastic at will. I was also pretty good at fighting because of the time I came from. My other half though? I have no idea. He was really smart and for some reason I looked up to him, but I don’t remember what his powers were. We could normally read each other’s feelings if we weren’t too many miles away from each other because we were both originally the same person.

​My other half was better at faking our way into records in society. He was smarter academically and strategically. I was stronger, had more common sense, and relied on my instincts. He got the positive emotions, while I got the negative ones. It didn’t normally matter when we were together though, since we shared each other’s feelings, and between the two of us we had a full range of emotion. One thing that I had that he didn’t was the power of flight (because I can always fly in dreams) and a weakness to sunlight. We couldn’t figure out why.

​Years, decades, at least a century passed. We had gone through schools, orphanages, families, wars, streets, and lots of houses over time. I looked about sixteen, and he looked eighteen to twenty. Of course we aced our history classes when we took them. Some time in the middle I lost track of him. I couldn’t even feel his emotions anymore. I was alone. For someone as old as I was it wouldn’t have been so bad, but we had just been sparring in the street and even though I was more powerful he STILL beat me in one tough hit.

(Ignore the bad math grade on the other side please)

​He was the only one who could do that. My powers exhausted me quickly, so when we were faced with a semi barreling down the street all we could do was hang on to the underside until it stopped. Well, I was weak from exhaustion (and losing the fight) and couldn’t hang on, and I rolled to a stop on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere. I yelled for him to let go until I passed out.

When I woke up it was dark and I couldn’t feel his presence. I had been on the side of the road in the sun for hours, and I feebly flew around in an effort to find my other half back. Without him I was only half a person. I eventually got lost and checked myself into an orphanage to have a place to stay for the night since I didn’t know the way “home.“ 

I was sent to school the next morning, where people thought I was a vampire because of my aversion to sunlight and the fact that I knew so much more about the last wars than I should have. On the bus afterwards I was eating some candy and someone pointed at me and said, “Hey! The vampire’s got blood in his mouth! He must have bitten someone!”

​“I don’t have blood in my mouth…” I put my hand up to my mouth to check and it came back covered in red. I THOUGHT it was the candy, but you know it was starting to taste an awful like blood… “What the shit?” Everyone took that to mean that I was indeed a vampire, and INSTANT SOCIAL OUTCAST. I guess my answer to this one girl’s question didn’t help either.

​“What does it taste like?” She asked.

​“Haven’t you ever tasted blood before?” Was my ever tactless response. Seriously though, most people know the taste of blood, right? Sucked on a finger with a paper-cut, accidentally bit your tongue, got hit in the face or some lethal wound that left you coughing up your life? No? Oh wait that was just me. Well then.

​I eventually left that orphanage (and school) before they could notice that I wasn’t aging. I wasn’t sure where to go next, so I was on the streets for a while. That was fine. I got by for another couple years. I found one of our old houses from when we could still blend in enough to have friends. It was old now, very old, having been from a time when places like the Shire were considered modern. (Some decades since then the world modernized a bit. The bus is a good example.) Anyway, I lived there for a little bit which was a fairly happy time. Someone bought the house though (I was basically squatting on the property) who happened to be a priest. Being a good Samaritan, she said she needed some company anyway and would be happy to share with me if she could be my surrogate parent. A bit of an odd request, but who was I to refuse? 

So one day I left the bathroom after a shower and sneezed. She politely said, “bless you,” and since she was a priest suddenly the water in my hair turned into holy water and GOD DANG IT FELT LIKE MY SCALP WAS ON FIRE and I was reduced to screaming profanities while trying to dry my hair as fast as possible without burning my hands too.

​“Thanks, ‘MOM!’” Augh! I really wasn’t a bloody vampire, why did holy water hurt me?! Dang stupid tribe.

​After drying my hair enough that it only felt like it was being sunburned I hurriedly pulled on some clothes and fled from the house. It was nice but now the head of the church thought (correctly?) that I was some unholy demon and I did NOT need an entire church after me. I started up the engine of the nearest car via petroleum-powers, hopped in and then turbo charged said engine using said powers to make my escape as fast as possible. Some miles away I was boxed in by four other vehicles and forced to stop in, surprise! The middle of nowhere again! Way more people than I expected poured out of the cars, all armed with fists, knives, and several classic anti-monster things. I could take the former. I was a decently skilled fighter back in the day after all, now with countless lifetimes of practice. But could I fight them all off without exhausting myself, in the sun, with no weapons and probably against things I didn’t even know could hurt me yet? I was filled with determination not my own, and threw the first punch.

​I heard another engine pull up and hoped it wasn’t another car of enemies to fight. But when the door opened I was hit with a wave of emotions I hadn’t felt in a long time. My other half!! He had…grown? I thought about it (still fighting of course) and realized that I had probably aged a bit in his absence as well. If we had aged while we were apart, albeit slowly, then being together must have stopped that somehow before. So we were stronger when we were together, huh? With him back, this fight was sure to be easy!

​Oh so he got stabbed at some point during the fight and it looked like liquid nitrogen poured out and froze his enemies. So I guess he had either air or ice powers? Actually I think it was air. That would explain how he was able to take me out with one hit so easily. He must have used air pressure to power the force behind his hit.

-

​This dream left me in a weird, quiet mood for a long time after having it. I got so used to waiting and watching the world go by in the dream without really interacting or getting involved with the world that I was pretty spacey once I woke up. To be fair, I had spent what felt like years as a different person. People kept asking me what was wrong. Oops?

-

If you’re curious, the other drawing was of me/him on the bus discovering that the candy looked like blood. 

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