#this doesnt feel like enough to post on my vent blog but i just

[kamari3]

This is a vent post.

I saw this post about wanting to bring back the energy and vibes and community that was in the 2016 era of the UTMV community. And at first I was elated. I joined the fandom in 2017 and I look back fondly on the community I found myself in. Lots of fanfic comments. Lots of RP Roleplays. Lots of Askblog activity and in-character answers and all these wonderful things.

Yes, there were toxic and mean things too. There always are. But I never really found myself in any of it. I only remember the fun and the joy.

And I initially reblogged that post excitedly responding to it. And I went to the blog to see if they posted anything else good.

And I saw their DNI. "Proship DNI".

Their pinned post literally said to me "hey disclaimer just so you know 'i dont support harassment', but if you (also) dont support harassment, if you enjoy shipping, if you think censorship is bad, then don't talk to me because I think youre a terrible person and deserve being harassed."

And they wonder why the 2016 era of UTMV died.

I would have loved to interact. I would have loved to gush about AUs and fanworks and art. But that person left a big sign saying they think I deserve hate for enjoying fiction and that they dont want to talk to me.

Like. Bro. That is kinda the reason youre not getting 2016 UTMV back. You dont wanna associate with "nasty proship" people. Who uh. sorta made UTMV. UTMV (and lets face it, fandom in general) was built on the backs of Proshippers. (although that is sort of an anachronistic statement -- the idea of "proshipping" is new because it was the default, expected political stance. it wasnt "proship vs anti", it was "everyone (aka proship) vs trolls and haters (aka anti)") Then a bunch of haters started being nasty to frans and papyra and fontcest shippers, and puritanical rhetoric ripped apart what was left of the fandom after art theft and the tumblr purge drove the artists away.

The fandom isnt going to knit itself back together unless we foster a community mindset, which we can only do if we all agree to ship-and-let-ship. Block and mute tags you dont like, learn to recognize when an AU isnt for you, and dont play in tags you dont actually like.

But like, just because I like the color Green doesnt mean I cant appreciate Blue or Red. You can hate Green all you want but alienating Green likers is just going to make it harder to live in a society where nobody is making you like Green.

I dunno I just feel like its not fair to ask for a community effort and simultaneously condemn the very people who would have been part of your community for not being good enough for you. It's mean spirited. It's rude. It's cruel.

I want 2017 UTMV back. I would be more than happy to get to see 2016 UTMV with my own eyes. But it isnt coming back, because it takes people to make a community and nobody wants to make a community welcoming and safe.

[dragon-queen21]

this is a spur of the moment, no plannings going into this one because im not doing very well but shhh!!!!

(first off, im sorry i didnt say something sooner, ive been seeing your concerning posts lately. are you okay? seriously? i dont know if this is a line im crossing but if you want i could drop my blog if you ever need to vent. im sorry if thats too much i don’t understand things like this sometimes, but i genuinely hope your okay.)

but i wanna speak about lil sanji real bad, because i had a dream i was little and ive been having a lot of ideas about him lately and i need to project. also in honor of the sanji fan zine thats coming out (and that im totally not considering buying for 85 dollars as a early birthday gift) (or late since it ships in march lol)

- um idk i feel like hes a quiet little, especially before the crew found out he was a regressor, he doesnt really wanna talk, he just wants to be around someone. like i can see him pre coming out finishing like lunch or something and coming out and just sitting with nami and robin and theyre like “hello sanji kun do you need anything?” only to be confused when he doesnt start twirling like a love sick school girl.

^ or him going up to zoro PEACEFULLY and just plopping down and zoros fighting DEMONS not to say something brash and ruin the moment because sanjis clearly not in the mood, or if he looked close enough, not in the right headspace to deal with a attitude

-or even post coming out i imagine him just making everyone take a turn in holding him, not like pick up holding just. in the aquarium or something sitting on someones lap holding him close. give my guy some comfort PLEASE

- has one specific stuffed animal he keeps with him all the time. like first thing he asks for when hes tiny, f pacis, f sippys, give him his STUFFIE!!!!!!!!! youll never guess what it is (its a fish)

- i know a lot of people say sanji woukd be scared of the bigger members of the crew, and i so agree with that, but BUT the bigger members of the crew holding sanji like a actual baby? proportionally hes closer to the size of one if their hands

- no thoughts in this guys head, its just straight static. when hes younger, he has to like actually try to force two coherent thoughts together. i dont know he regresses really little a lot of the time, id say he stays closer to babyspace/toddlerspace than anything on the older side (he has so much trauma to work through)

ok im done im really sad so im gonna go to something productive to not. be sad byeebywwbyewww

📷

Thank you. I am just… having a time of it right now. People are… cruel, we’ll just leave it at that. And no your not crossing any line, if anything your words warmed my heart. I’m doing alright. Not the best not the worst just, fine.

I’m sorry you’re going through things as well :< We can suffer and be sad together <3

~~~

~I’ve seen talk about that zine floating around. 85 dollars is a lot but it would be fun to get.

Let me know if you do get it!

~“twirling like a love sick school girl.”

<- okay that made me chuckle. I can imgine there were so many alarm bells going off in their head. And maybe the just think that “oh Sanji’s… quiet”

~Zoro just aggressively chomping down on his sword and training to keep himself from saying something he knows will be stupud and unhelpful. And Sanji just seems so… soft and Zoro is like 95% sure this is some horrible mistake

~Attention starved. He’s just attention starved. Give the baby cuddles

~I’m quite partial towards the head canon of Zoro buying him a stuffed turtle. Sanji looking back and forth between Zoro and the plush before declaring “moss.” With no other explanation. Is that the plushes name? Is he just saying Zoro’s name? Who knows, certainly not Zoro.

~See I’m telling you. Caregiver Franky + babyspace Sanji. Just kdbjdbd best duo. (I just really really love cg Franky)

[h4unt3d-s0u15]

FORMER BLOG NAMES - puppet-0n-a-string

collective blogggggg :333

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh if youre from main and i didnt tell you this blog go away we dont want you to think we're strange <3

aaaaaaaaaaanyways hi! We're a system of 6! Newly found! Everyone but Codys intro is currently written by Viscera, Codys is by myself, Fairy! who wrote everything else! anyways yeah, headmates

Puppet - He/it/they, puppet on a string, counts himself as transharmen. Holder of most of the obsessive, possessive and jealous tendencies, and a specific one of our traumas (blog is @puppet-0n-a-string which used to be this blogs name (we named it before discovering we were a system)

Fairy - Host, she/they/it/fae, genderfaer. She posts a bit but less... like the rest of us. (Viscera wtf do you mean by this???)

Viscera - Yours truly. Transharmful, some sort of vampire or cannibal, a goddamned god. Talk to me if you dare (my blog is @viscerasaltar )

Dolly - just a doll, does whatever her master says, pathetic honestly, transharmed (@pr3tty-p0rc3l41n)

Aspen - he prolly wont post, he doesnt feel shit.

Cody -uhhhhhh idk pathetic wet beast. transharmed but has a crazy high self esteem, self image

Kaia/Val - vamp, cute asf. im cool.

R0X13 - her names actually just Roxie she just insists it be typed like that- scene type ghost girl, pretty cool

Faye (the character) - Was dormant for...5ish months, a few things, pretty cool

AND!!!!! WE HAVE!!!! A PSYS!!!! @heavenisahandtohold and theyre just sdkljfsakjskdhdflkgf and like :00000000000000000000 they LIKE us????????? Anyways intro post isnt a place to ramble </3

This is a bpd vent blog. This is where we put our intrusive thoughts, delusions, yearning, that dark stuff we wish to hide from everyone, whatever else

but heres the tag system

// puppet poetry Self explanatory. I write poems (primarily fairy, really. but this was the og tag)

// my god </3

ex fp, best friend, too lazy to change the tag

Kurt my beloved<3 - Fairys boyfriend who she never stops talking abt

// my pretty doll <3

old and current tag for our ex... entirely vent posts we miss her she tore us apart but we worship her shes been dead for nearly half a year

PLS READ: We're real bad with social shit so if we're making you uncomfy pls just tell us. we're not good at guessing, and i swear we wont get pissed. we might end up having a panic attack that we fucked up bad enough for you to leave (cos that has happened multiple times), but we'll just beg for forgiveness, not lash out.

[feyascorner]

First off, I just gotta GUSH about how much I literally love your writings and all the little hc and tiny ideas you spit out on your blog~~ so much that you are actually one of the reasons I decided to pick up writing fanfic again and of course (Astarion is a literally, gem to write about)

I would like some advice if that is alright. How exactly do you get into the writing mood? I posted a chapter of a fic I am working on, but I seem to be in a slump right now. This is due to two things: I constantly feel this pressure while writing that it simply isn't as good as the fics I read myself, and I start to question whether or not I am actually doing well expressing the fic itself.

The second is, do you ever start listening to songs and get all these different scenarios you start planning on in your head, but when you try to write it, it just turns out to be bleh or nowhere near what you pictured in your mind? How do you manage to deal with that?

Thank you so much, and also so sorry for literally ranting/venting about this lol I think I just hold you in very high regard :)

Hello friend!! I'm so happy you decided to start writing again! It’s definitely a challenge sometimes w so much time that goes into it but it’s also very satisfying to watch it all come together :)

My writing process is a little more messy than it should be to be honest…i either just start writing for no apparent reason, daydream a lot throughout the day, but I think the most common occurrence is that I play the actual game and it just inspires me since I'm constantly talking to the actual character! It’s totally okay to be in a slump, it happens too often to me too. And as for feeling like your writing isn't good enough, please know that no matter how many fics there are yours is unique as your own. There's nothing like your own writing and it’s all the more reason to post it! And remember that writing is ultimately for your own satisfaction and nobody else’s! If you don't enjoy it there's no point! So try not to second guess yourself (I do this too but there really is no need to worry :)) if it helps I like to make some program read what I wrote out loud! It helps me catch mistakes and it makes me more confident in what I'm putting out so this might help you too <3

And yes I think it’s a universal author thing where you have so many thoughts but it just..doesnt work on paper? It’s the most frustrating thing ever but what I do is write JUST the dialogue first! I've seen this advice on other pages but if I write only the dialogue it’s harder to get stuck somewhere with description or actions. And if you like the way the dialogue came out you can just fill out the rest after :)

There's no need to apologize! I love that people trust me enough to ask for advice because I know how difficult writing can be…youre doing great just by writing a few words! Good luck I hope this helped even a little bit! ❤️

[setsunatekiblast]

sorry this is like fully just insane babble and a look into truly how fucking weird i am in the head im really considering making a blog JUST for venting but im too lazy to do that rn

so like general rundown for context

i did some really downright shitty things as a teenager as a result of unresolved trauma in basically every corner of my life at the time (obviously this doesnt absolve me from what happened). when i was told about the extent of it i apologised and distanced myself & never talked to anyone involved ever again.

months later when i expressed that a former friend who had (in my opinion, rightfully) stepped in to stop the situation from worsening had caused me harm prior to all this and that it was still impacting me on my private account, it was leaked to her. i was threatened with a callout post and she was acting like i wasnt truly sorry for the things i'd done/trying to change even though i had done my level best to be accountable for my behaviour and do what was asked of me.

because of everything that'd already happened + this i was living in this constant state of severe anxiety. as in, i could hardly eat due to feeling nauseous every moment i was conscious, would randomly start shaking and crying & my physical health was deteriorating at many points. i was like this from about july all the way through to november-early december, i think?

like all of this happened five years ago but ive absolutely refused to let myself move on because i thought i would be dodging accountability for my behaviour but i've kind of just had a mental shift recently (maybe from my kansai trip i think it did something to me). looking back while talking to my friend i internalised everything about that series of incidents so hard that i considered myself a horrible and irredeemable person, so ive been keeping myself at arms length from others because i didnt want it to happen all over again and didnt trust myself to actually change. i thought that if i was pursuing relationships with others, i wasnt being accountable enough and dodging my past behaviour.

idk im just tired of living like this. im tired of all the self-sabotage and the fear and anxiety i have over the most minor of things. i'm tired of jumping up and running at the first signs of closer friendships forming. i had a panic attack over someone calling me a friend for gods sake, that's not normal. its not! the fact i even struggle to call people friends because of all this fear about relationships with others after all that isn't good and i need to change from that lol

even just thinking that i deserve better makes me feel like im swallowing needles and glass though, and it sucks so fucking much LMFAOOOOOOO. i dont even know what to do because i feel so shitty about even trying to pursue support from those closest to me. i feel like i'm asking so, so much of people when i cant give much of anything in return. not to mention that right now even the idea of being misunderstood makes me feel absolutely terrible and like i need to be on the defensive. in general i feel like i offer so little that trying to lean on people is selfish and that i'm just going to end up hurting them like i did that friend who simply just wanted to help me. i don't want to feel this way anymore but it's a cycle and i don't know how to stop feeling so horrid about everything and actually. well. allow myself to feel supported AND be normal in the head about it

like i need to move on not just for my sake but because. really. it's been such a long time and i don't even recognise the person i was in those messages. but i can hear just how much pain my past self was in and that just sucks, man. my friend didn't want me to suffer, but he was rightfully hurt and angered by the way i behaved. the best way to show my remorse has always been to do better by those who come into my life, but i never wholly succeeded in that because 90% of the time i would sabotage my own relationships with others and not get too close out of fear that i was going to ruin it all and just be as shitty as i was before. i thought closing myself off would be doing right by him, and to a degree it was. but it wasn't productive for me because i wasn't doing anything but closing myself off

anyway i handled something pretty good tonight that i know my past self wouldve probably flipped out about so that's probably a good sign i guess. its actually kind of surprising to see that even though my spoons are maybe a 1 at best rn i can still handle things with some grace and tact and Not be terrible. idk. maybe things are gonna be okay, especially since i have so many people in my corner nowadays who want nothing more than to see me overcome everything

[cursedbunniii]

i miss all my posts. i miss all my messages. i miss all the asks and replies i got. i miss all my old moots from years ago i still checked on. i miss all of my tags. i miss all of my sideblogs. i miss all my posts. i miss getting traction and activity and interactions. i miss not feeling alone. i miss ppl relating to me and telling me so. i miss eveyrthing ppl said to me. i miss my archives. i miss all my blogs... so many sideblogs. i miss all of my pinneds. i miss it all. i miss it sm. i miss my only safe space i've ever had on the internet and irl. i miss that ppl were nice to me. i miss that even if i am all alone and dont have anyone to talk to or send pics to or share my thoughts with, i had my blog and ppl who made me feel not so lonely. what even is the point in any of that now? when i started having a blog like i didnt even think i would ever have interactions bc i have never had that on any platform lol. but it really did make me feel less alone. i miss all my old moots.... i miss all my old posts. i sometimes got notifs abt ppl finding my old posts and posts i'd forgotten abt and it was just fun to see it again. i miss all of it. i miss feeling safe and comfortable bc i dont anymore. now i can feel how ppl either dont care abt me or dont see me or simply judge me. i cant talk to anyone anymore. i cant reply to the few messages i get. i just cant. even if i know it probably isnt true, i feel paranoid and like everyone are playing a trick on me. i feel desperate and sad because i know now i really will fade away. rotting away all on your own isnt as scary when other ppl are there to acknowledge u or relate to u or stuff like that. i have never mattered irl. and i know i truly know how fucking pathetic this sounds but i felt a little bit like i mattered just the teeniest bit bc ppl like witnessed my blogs (not only main but multiple of my sideblogs. like ppl even requested moodboards from me sometimes?!?!?!). but now im back to being a ghost again and this sounds so dramatic... i just dont want a real life. i dont. i hate ppl irl. i hate school. i hate work. being on here and posting dumb thoughts and making moodboards and vent wdits and posting a fkn pic of a snail and getting interactions and ppl saying nice things was enough to make me feel a bit ok. now what???? and im so jealous bc like.... this is abt specific ppl lol but they talk abt being lonely (which everyone feels and i know that!!!) but they are being seen and witnessed and loved by their bfs. i dont even have a bf!!!!!!! i think i'd feel ok having a blog and only interacting w him. but i feel like he wouldnt even be interested in seeing my blog. he isnt now. and hasnt been for so lomg. he only liked my sideblog where i posted dark knk stuff that is only a fantasy and not real life for me. i feel like he doesnt care abt me lmao. anyway. i miss my account and idk what to do know. i really really really did not believe i would get that termed. like. i didnt even post any fkn gore or sh like they say i did. or are they talking abt all my vent text posts? like they dont even tell u bc they dont care lol. but yeah i have gotten other accounts termed but i always knew why. i never thought my beloved one would get termed bc i was careful. so it was so unexpected and im just so fucking mad and sad and i feel so unimportant and alone and like. i hate evrything and evryone. i have nothing now. i have no one. im such a child. i want attention. when i was on a walk i could show and get like a few likes, the bumbers arent even important it just felt nice that a few ppl saw my existence and acknowledged that i exist. or just .. it helped to romanticoze boring stuff by being able to write abt it or post a pic or whatever. also i am so fkn sad and upset that all my documentations of my life and ups and downs and my "writings" of working out my feelings are just gone. i will never be able to read them thru. that makes me so fkn sad. idk i hate all of this. i hate every new blog i make. nothing will ever be that again. i dont want anything but how it was.

[pettydreamz]

i am grateful she called me out. i can admit i was slightly flustered n embarrassed that she finally perceived me, but honestly it's been about time.

i know i would voice my frustration on the blog bc well, this is a VENT BLOG. especially my insecurities, or even my spiralling mental breakdowns.. he..he..he ^^;;. but everyone should know i was going to voice them to her one way or another. everyone knows about pacing, timing, when people are ready for it. but yall forced it to happen, ig thats ok. who knows maybe i would've waited forever. but i dont think so. but whatevs ig.

this is my vent blog, like how many ppl have as well. this is i mean well TUMBLR lol. like how i respect everyone elses blog even all of hers.

i know i am insecure but who isnt. it's clearly v obvious i am. but it's never her fault, i do feel bad i cant get over it and that she can be a triggering factor to it. but it's never like i hate you type of shit. i just hate the person i can be, thats not her fault.

i am allowed to have these feelings, it's never having malice-intent (although ik it can come off as extreme hater-ade). i vent. the spur of the moment. i put all my feelings that i feel at the time. i calm down, and assess. thats why i let all my dramatics out so i can be the understanding side come out with her. bc she doesnt need that insecure side of me that im working on. she doesnt need that burdensome energy. thats why unfortunately i release that fucked up side of me on this blog. so i can try be the true friend and person i need to be for her. maybe sounds like a shit excuse but hey, thats what i think n feel. how other ppl are allowed to as well. just sorry mine can come off as fucked up n shady. but i've never tried to hide my bitchiness, ppl know i am. but to the sweet ppl they dont deserve that side of me, only if im done wrong than maybeeeee.

pls have a good day lol, it's ok if yall cant understand me. it's not your job to understand the stupid shit i say bc a lot of the time, same lol. this blog represents the nitty gritty dark thoughts of my mind, so ytf would wanna try understand it ;3 you're not my therapist, tho i should get one. but if yall read enough of shit yall should know why i havent been interested for it as of rn. i have other priorities. and im just not ready for that type of help yet, sorry.

im genuinely concerned about the ppl that follow me. you ok..? also any of you guys uncomfortable with this blog pls, from the bottom of my heart… fuck off. like no ill-intent with that but i do talk about concerning n sensitive topics. and i am again sorry to my bsf, i truly am. but yeah to some followers, you need to unfollow if my blog is not for you. and if you wanna stick it out, dont say i didn't warn you this time. but yeah hey welcome to the chaos of my mind. i didn't think i needed to say some of this shit but ig yeah i didn't need to post this at all… but this my blog n im delusional ;3;

sorry

[thoughts-and-all-that]

how the fuck do you block someone without blocking someone... someone who makes me deeply DEEPLY uncomfortable either follows my main (i checked after posting this, they do follow my main) or at least checks in on it enough that they liked one of my posts, but the thing is... we are in a very small fandom together, and ive talked to them on discord before, and i am trying so hard to be liked by this fandom despite how much it kinda grates on my nerves, and i really dont want them being like. hey why do you have me blocked. and like. starting drama about it

i guess i doubt theyd start drama but i really dont know them well and i. constantly feel like im walking on egg shells with these people cause theyre the types that are like. more sensitive than me. which sure thats not like inherently bad or negative but it gets. irritating when it feels like i have no idea what i can and cant say that might upset them or get me in trouble. like i cant even joke about cults and cannibalism with these people. like come on, its funny to make these shitty things out to be a joke, it makes it feel like they suck less. i mean, im not making light of them, when it comes to real situations of them im obviously not gonna treat it like a joke, but when it comes to the vague idea of them? yeah its funny. theyre just absurd concepts. i mean, come on man.

like, okay fine, its fine that they dont want to joke about it, but you cant even MENTION that stuff around these people. i mean i guess like. i guess its one of these peoples triggers but. what the hell situation do you find yourself in where cannibalism is brought up and becomes a trigger. like obviously i cant ask them that but like. WHAT. like did your mother eat your brother or some shit like... what the hell situation gives you cannibalism as a trigger. the cult one is fully understandable cause cults are common but you dont hear or see real life cannibalism every day. like does this person just have a horrible backstory or something.

i got very off track. i mean i guess it doesnt matter this is literally just a vent blog

its not like i hate any of these people. i may dislike one or two of them, thats just bound to happen with any group of people, but not hate. but as much as i dont want to say it, theyre not exactly my vibe. i mean... i always stuck out like a sore thumb in this fandom, even back in the day, hell, ESPECIALLY back in the day. i stumbled upon a fandom made by and for homeschooled christian kids and that sure was exactly how it sounds! and i... very much was not that. i was a public school atheist kid and i just simply found the content funny and the characters fascinating. i fell HARD for the characters, they... in more ways than one, lived rent free in my head.

a lot happened, i wanted nothing to do with it after, and then eventually i wanted something to do with it again. but ive been cautious this time. maybe a little too much i dont know. i just cant let it happen again. i know it cant happen again logically, and yet the creeping tendrils it left parasitically suckling on my skin creeps ever upward, threatening my very core.

i swear fandoms have changed drastically since 2016. i dont know what it was. i couldnt tell you if you paid me. they didnt used to be like this, filled with the one thing that makes me question my determination to go on. the one thing i cant even talk to anyone about because it makes me feel like im going to die, and other people treat me like ill die for it.

and its everywhere. its all over and i cant escape it and i try so desperately to.

and you know that its in this fandom. it was the first fandom i saw it in, actually. its the reason i feel this way at all. they haunt me. my every action is tinted with this haunting, it changed me for the worse.

i cant get close to any of them because almost all of them say it. and the ones who dont... definitely arent my vibe. the ones who dont arent even the ones i dislike, surprisingly. i used to hate one of them, hell, i used to hate one of the other people too. but things change. people change.

i guess i cant, since its been 7 years and this shit still haunts me so bad.

the reason that person makes me so uncomfortable is that thing. the one and i think only call i did in that server (i probably did one other) was with them and someone else, because i was like. why not! it was soon after i joined and i wanted to befriend the current era of this fandom. huge mistake. confronted with them doing the one thing that curses me. i left silently because they were all ignoring me anyway. what an experience.

ive had so many feelings since i joined that server, thats for sure. my relationship with this fandom could fill a novel. i hope it never does. it wouldnt get published anyway.

i just love these characters. i used to love one of the other people in the fandom. thats its own story. i cant even keep a conversation with them nowadays. how can i? the thing we had in common is gone. i cant tell them the truth. i REALLY cant tell them the truth. they would hate me. i cant handle them hating me. we arent codependently attached anymore but that doesnt mean i dont still care way too much about them. they were the best relationship i ever had, and we didnt even date.

i dont know what i would do if they hated me.

i just really love these dumbass characters. i dont know what it is. their own creators treated these characters a bit like crap. but these characters are so real to me. but not in THAT way.

and sadly ive tried to stop caring, but it didnt work. i mean... i did also want to reclaim them. that situation doesnt deserve to hold them hostage. i guess i could use to have that mindset about a lot more about that situation, but its not that easy. its really, really not that easy.

and because i care so much about these fucking characters, i care about having a decent relationship with the fandom. theres only so many of us, and none of these people are bad, i just... dont fit in. i never really did. but i try to. i dont think my effort does much.

i worry that they think im too much. i treat darker and mature topics like casual jokes, i dont share so many of the same ideas as everyone else, i make a lot of things about me because i dont know how not to. i try to keep up conversations by relating, but i fear it comes off as me trying to pivot it to be about me.

i think some of the stuff they do is silly, not that id ever stop them

i miss the early days, before the other shoe dropped. when i actually did fit. when it was so easy. when me and my friends filled up discord chats with back-and-forth prompts and ideas and writing... how i always wanted any fandom to be for me. why did it ever have to change. why did they have to tell me the truth. i was only 14.

i actually did almost have it with another fandom, too. that didnt work out as well after a little while. it was nice while it lasted.

i cant do that with these people. i wish i could. i wish i didnt feel like oil trying to mix with water.

so, anyway. cant block this person. wish i could. i wont though.

this is just the surface of all of this, you know. like i said, it could be a whole novel.

i have to live with this.

[shearah]

vent post vent post vent post

genuinely unpleasant depression things in here you have been warned

i think im about ready to give up on having friends. it's apparently just not for me.

i can't even count on both hands the number of friends ive lost over the years because im too miserable and depressed and they get sick of my shit.

it's always my fault and i know it is, im needy but distant, im abrasive and whiny and i just always self destruct and push people away

im sick of seeing someone say "hey let's do xyz together" and i consider it a promise and as soon as i see them do it without me i feel like they've lied to me and they never wanted to spend time with me in the first place and im hurt and i cant think of it any other way

im tired of being hurt im tired of being alone im tired of hurting people

i just try to explain why im upset and people get mad at me and i just want it to stop

im just going to stop being friends with people. if nobody cares enough about me to ask if im okay they wont hate me

the solution to feeling so alone is to actually be alone

i dont qualify for any mental health assistance anyway im always too depressed for x service but not fucked up enough for y service im tired of falling through the cracks im tired of being told im 'too lucid to do anything stupid' before i get sent home and try to od - just because im not sobbing uncontrollably and can form full sentences doesnt mean i dont want to end my life. but at the same time wanting to end my life disqualifies me from basically every therapy service i dont have to pay fo because that would make me too much of a high risk case

im on medication. im on two medications for this. and it doesnt help. nothing does. i just wish i could stop existing.

what ive had of therapies so far hasnt helped. cbt doesnt do anything. i cant get dbt to work. councelling is just talking which is what gets me into this mess in the first place.

i havent managed to get journalling to work for me yet... but considering that's just venting like i do to people to make them hate me, maybe shouting my bullshit into the void is the way to go. maybe i'll make another blog for that.

[esinahkabanjo]

I feel like fucking shit.. My friend who doesnt know I’m agender sent me this(https://m.9gag.com/gag/aGjwoXZ?ref=android) and I’m like :’)))) hahaha yeah it’s funny (::

[sushicatdead]

Td;lr Im currently deleting the app aka stopping using tumblr, yes the trigger that pulled this off was Giulia leaving, but I have other reasons too. See you soon for now

Vent rant Idk / thinking as I write

You know man damm Im thinking about leaving too now ugh

I mean tumblr doesnt affect me bad mentally,, but I do remember getting anxious in discourse which is why I try to avoid it

And now when summer break literally starts in less when a week, I have a lot of things planned, and tumblr may distract me

I mainly use it to save pictures or lightan up my mood, but if my friends are currently not here then IDK

I have enough pictures anyway lol...

Tumblr has been incredibly useful for my story (infographics, writing prompts, photos that give inspo)

But maybe now in the summer it's time to continue writing it rather than procrastinate on here?

I definitely have reasons to leave, I definitely have reasons to stay, so really I just dont know

I feel like staying bc I know I wont survive the boredom lol, but now there is this ghosty feeling around here that makes me want to delete while writing this, and I know its all bc Giulia left now but she was a really crucial part to the fun here

I think I might delete the app for now, even if it just for the weekend, and maybe I'll come back. Maybe not.

I might start another blog just to like/rb things I like, and leave this current blog silent,

And either way photostook will still be active.

So this is a goodbye? Is anyone even reading this I have no followers lmao

Im not going to pin this, so if this disappears under a bunch of other posts I guess it means Im back.

[hanzajesthanza]

just kidding. i want to save everything until i have time to make it good enough to represent me on the esteemed and highly peer-reviewed platform of tumblr.com

you know what i need to get over my perfectionist complex and just post all of the unpolished witcher headcanons and AUs to preserve them

[pigstepmp3-moved]

holy hell, gamers, i finally reached one whole thousand followers! how bonkers is that! when i first made this blog in december 2018, i was just trying to start over in a new fandom. ive been active on tumblr for a looong time (since i was like 11, which is. not great, but we wont get into that). i cant remember quite why i decided to remake, but i never imagined getting a higher following than i did before, but i did! 1000 followers is bonkers, i’ve never had a thousand of anything! i seriously cant thank each and every one of you enough, whether you followed me for 911 or for mcyt or for whatever!

now, since ive reached this absolutely bonkers milestone, im feeling particularly sappy! so under the cut, i have some friends and mutuals tagged who are super great n who are always an absolute pleasure to see on my dash! <3 again, thank you all so much! (ps, if we’re mutuals and i didnt tag u in this, that doesnt mean i dont love and appreciate you!! i mostly am just picking people to tag based off how often i see them on my dash! i love all of u so much <3)

♡ 911 FRIENDS ♡

(aka the ogs, aka the fire fam)

♡ @lovelessmotel ♡ emily!! god, where do i even begin with how much i love and adore you!! i know youre one of my big sisters, but wow i am so proud of how much youve discovered yourself since we’ve met!! like wow, look at this epic, gorgeous person whos one of MY close friends! im so lucky to be friends with you! thank you so much for being my friend, i appreciate you and all the sisterly advice you’ve given me more than i can ever put into words!

♡ @eddiediaz-buckley ♡ sav!! mom!! i love u so unbelievably much!! i am so unbelievably grateful for you and everything youve done for me! all the advice youve given me and all the times youve let me vent to you have been so important to me and i cannot thank you enough for all that. im soso appreciative of you and im so glad that i have someone as amazing as you as my mom/big sister (we’ll never really figure out our fams family dynamics, will we?) (ps, whenever i go outside and have my keys with me, its always so comforting to feel the keychain you got me! its like my moms with me everywhere i go!)

♡ @liesoverthec ♡ bonbonbonbon!!! i love you so much, you wouldnt BELIEVE how much i love you!!! im so glad we met bc you are so unbelievably kind!! there is a very good reason a nickname for u is bonbon bc you are just as sweet as candy!! maybe even more so!! i love having you as one of my big sisters, you give such wonderful advice and talking to you always makes me feel a million times better!! i love you and i am soso glad i get to call you my friend!

♡ @marauder-girl ♡ sabsabsab!! i love u so much, u funky lil future lawyer!! im so proud of u and i can hardly believe ur gonna be my Lawyer big sister!!! thats so awesome!! i cant believe such a rad person is one of MY friends!! how lucky am i!! i love having you as one of my big sisters, youre so kind and funny and talented and your advice has always been so helpful to me too! thank you so much for being my friend and for always being there for me!!

♡ @nighting-gale17 ♡ cait, my love, my wifey!!! wowowow i love u so much!!! im so glad we’re friends, you are so unbelievably lovely!! youre also so unbelievably talented like??? hey queen wanna hand some of ur writing ability over to the unfortunate (like me). i’m so glad we’re friends, youre so sweet and even tho we dont talk as much as we used to, i still have SO much love for you in my heart

♡ @africaneuropean ♡ rae, my father!! i love u so much!! i know we havent talked at all in. who knows how long. but i still have so much love for u in my heart!! you are so iconic and cool and funny, im so glad i met you n became friends with you!! ur one of the coolest people i know, i hope i can be as cool and mysterious and wonderful as you one day

♡ @evaneddie ♡ DHYL!!! dhyl pickle i love u so much!!! whenever u pop into my inbox with random nice messages, every part of me lights up!!! u are so kind to me and for what!! i miss talking to u as much as we used to, you are so sweet and you are such a good friend!! i love u n im SO proud of how far youve come with gif making, i still remember when u first started n youve gotten SO amazing at gifs lately!! i love u soso much n im so glad we’re friends, youre so awesome!!!

♡ @basil-the-writer ♡ des!!! i love u so much!!! i know we’ve never rly talked all that much but im glad we have interacted in the ways that we have!! u are so sweet n so talented!! like the fact that u have the patience for those lil video edits u do?? that is so cool!! all ur edits are so cool, i cannot imagine being able to make stuff like that without dying every single time. u are so cool n i love being able to call u my friend!!

♡ GRIFF ♡

(aka griff)

♡ @yawnralphio ♡ u get ur own section bc u are my only 911 friend who isnt an og, but thats ok bc u are so swaggy!! i love being friends with u griff, u are so cool and funny and i am so glad that u still want to be friends with me despite all of the horrifying things u’ve learned about mcyt from me jdhfajkdhfa. i love u so much n i am so excited to get to know u more n get closer to u!!

♡ FRUITBLR ♡

(aka mcyt friends)

♡ @fear-epidemic ♡ atlas u are so swaggy and funny!! tumblr funny man!! im so glad we’re mutuals, i love u a whole lot. that one time u me n wilby played bed wars together was so fun even if we’re really bad! n that one time we played on the fruitblr server while on vc was so fun, i loved talking to u n playing with u so much, we gotta do that again sometime. i love u so much chapin n im so glad we’re friends!!

♡ @netheritedream ♡ hari my beloved... i love u so much. like literally so much that its really embarassing. i am so glad u tagged me in that one follow forever post n put the offer on the table to let me join the server. i love being ur dumb lil husband!!! jus like actual fundy, i would risk it all to watch treasure planet with u. i love u sososo much, i wish i could live closer to u so i could actually talk to u more often </333 im going through severe withdrawal, pray for me. im gonna stop talking for now bc if i kept going on, this post would be several miles along n nobody has time for that </3 just know that i love u so much and i love having matching icons n i love being ur husband, i love u so much

♡ @sootswilbur ♡ tommy... i care you so much. little bromther!!! im sososo glad we’re friends bc u are so kind to me all the time n u are so easy to talk to!! ur also so talented, ur writing n ur gifs are so amazing n im so proud of all the awesome stuff u make!! seeing u experiment more with ur gif sets n trying new things is so awesome n inspiring and i love seeing ur experiments work out!! i love u soso much n im so happy to be ur big brother!! (or one of them at least)

♡ @fruitbur ♡ virgil my Other beloved... i love u so much!! u are one of the kindest people ive ever met n im so glad i met u!! i know ive already told u this before but ur tagging system is so sweet n i love seeing u reblog my posts bc im like “yay alastair is gonna tell me that he loves me in the tags :D” i also lovelovelove ur theme, i love the soft pink and the lil aesthetic board that u have pinned, its so nice to look at!!! ily sososo much <333

♡ @theartofmining ♡ hey fruit ily. like genuinely, u are so unbelievably funny that u make my ribs hurt so much. i know we’re like never rly that serious but i love u so much. as much as i joke about hating u, i really am glad we’re friends n i really look forward to becoming better friends with u. i love u a whole lot rain, i love seeing u on my dash bc ur full of good takes n funny posts

♡ @sapnaplive ♡ dream.... bonks our foreheads together... i care u so much. my other half!!! i love u with my whole little heart. u are soso cool and im so lucky to be able to call u my friend!! ur themes are always so cool, i wish i could be half as cool as them!!! ur art is also so epic like??? u are a triple threat: good at art, tumblr themes, AND minecraft building. and ur also so kind!!! u are one of the sweetest people i know, i love u so much and im so glad im friends with u!!

♡ @dreams-little-kitten ♡ corn u are so weird and i mean that in the kindest way possible. u are so cryptic n i love that so much about u. ur like the wilbur to my philza sometimes and i think thats so awesome. that one time u came into my inbox to talk shit about that one cuphead boss was so funny and absurd, i loved that so much. i love You so much. i love how ur just so effortlessly funny, n im so glad i can be friends with u

♡ @dreamsmp ♡  JEL!!!! i love u so much holy cow. u are so sweet!! all the time!!! ur also so talented, ur gifs always look so good!!! i love being friends with u, ur always so nice to me n u always leave rly nice tags when u reblog my gif sets that make me so happy!!! i think about that one time u rbed my fundy gif set n said “FUNDY GIFS” and “GIFS BY FUNDY” it made me so happy!!! i love u a whole lot, im so glad we’re friends :)

♡ @leaguelol ♡ damien!! i love u so much u funky little cryptid!! i love when u pop into the gc just to share cryptic thoughts, u are so strange but i think thats so cool of u!!! i honestly see u kinda like a lil sibling, im always so proud of u when i see ur art on my dash!! u are so talented at art!! i love u so much n i love being ur friend, ur rly sweet n i love seeing u on my dash and in the gc!!

♡ @its5undy ♡ idk why im putting u on this, ur my mortal enemy. jkjk, i actually love u a lot clay! i love joking around with u, ur so funny and for what. im so glad u joined the gc bc i love talking to you so much!! i still love that one time u reblogged that fwt gif set n tagged me in it moments after I reblogged it. i love that u thought about me, that rly warms my heart! i love being friends with u sososo much

♡ @cavalreee ♡ oh hey, another great big fruit!! i dont think we talk all that often, which is a shame, bc ur so sweet!! and also so fucking funny, why is everyone in this friend group so fucking funny, its not fair. i love seeing u on my dash talking with ur other friends, u always have the funniest convos ever. also? ur desktop theme is SO epic, it threw me off the first time i saw it but its so swaggy, just like u!! i love u soso much azzie, n i hope we can talk more in the future bc ur so cool

♡ @technosoot ♡ i love u even tho ur a br*t /j /j /j. jannat u are so unbelievably sweet. im so glad u joined the gc bc u are such a kind presence both in there and on my dash! u radiate very Warm, Friend energy. ur friend shaped. i love u so much n i love being friends with u!! im very eager to become closer friends with u bc u seem like a really amazing friend to have

♡ @sortasortaspicy ♡ les where are u in the gc i miss u </3 i love u so much, u fit in so well from the very beginning n brought so much more fun and laughter into the gc. i dont know u all that well n i dont think we’ve talked one on one like. at all. but id love to get closer to u bc ur so rad and ur so sweet!!

♡ EPIC PEOPLE  ♡

(aka mutuals who are so cool n id love to be friends with u pls talk to me)

@eurytherm ♡ @vampkings ♡ @weelbur ♡ @wilburtheesoot ♡ @quackityskarl ♡ @wimblrscoot ♡ @technofarmer ♡ @wooteena ♡ @bloodforblood ♡ @smpsapnap ♡ @literallynotfound ♡ @hearty-an0n ♡ @enderanboo ♡ @springbonniecpu ♡ @pandascanpvp ♡ @tommylnnits ♡ @strawberrygogy ♡ @timedeo ♡ @nymika-arts ♡ @h-isforhome ♡ @eboykarl ♡ @joe-alkaysani ♡ @betwecouldmakesome ♡ @squirrelstone ♡ @maddieandchimney

[furiosity-wills-the-cat]

Mettaton’s Backstory:

This is part two of my ghost meta. I’d highly recommend reading part one first, which should be right below this post on my blog. It’s titled “Chara, The Fourth Blook Cousin” and it has the background for how I think ghost might work.

I mostly talked about Undertale ghosts in general and how they could explain Chara’s mysterious presence in the game, but now I want to talk about Mettaton, Maddy and Napstablook, and explain my thoughts on their backstories, why they’re different from other ghosts, how they became a family. Because I think about them literally nonstop

METTATON

He is the baby of the cousins (until Chara comes along)

Ghosts dont age (unless they become corporeal) and the cousins (again except Chara who’s like 12) are all basically in their twenties, but MTT is slightly younger than Maddy and Blooky

And also he was formed extremely recently compared to them

I’ll explain them in depth later but they've both got a few centuries and Mettaton is like,, 70

Literally even Chara was formed longer ago than he was, but Chara doesn’t get adopted by the Blook family for a few decades so he joins first

So Mettaton is in this infuriating state where he is old enough to be losing track of years and struggling to keep up with technology and memes

But at the same time he talks to his cousins and they're like “Infant. Baby Boy. Imagine keeping track of what decade it is, you're so small”

He ends up being the self-designated cousin in charge of keeping track of time and pop culture and whatnot out of spite

He’s like “I’ll never forget what's relavent, its not because i’m baby, its just because i am better than you”

Tiny recap from my previous post- I think ghosts are formed when monsters die while completely unsatisfied,

the ghosts have no memory of who they were and they don't have souls unless and until they become corporeal, but they get their personality and some habits from whoever they were

And mettaton starts out being completely obsessed with this

He wants to know who he was and what life mission he left unfinished

He’s like “its gotta be super important because the universe literally made me immortal so i could finish it”

But figuring it out is… hard

It can take ghosts years to form after someones death and theres just so many monsters its impossible to narrow it down

When he does research he makes a lot of friends with monsters who have recently lost loved ones and he actually gets really good at talking to them and listening to their stories and letting them vent

This is a huge part of the reason he never starts to fade or sink into depression like most ghosts do at first, because he has people to talk to who need him

But also while doing research, he realizes that there’s no one he can find who he WANTS to be?

He’s like “yeah these all seem like they were cool monsters when they were alive but none of them seem like me?”

He has little hints of who he was, he knows he hates being alone and needs people near him always, he knows he’s super curious about learning about other people and reading dramatic stories and listenifn to gossip,, and he is for some reason extremely curious about humans, he knows he loves the color pink and the concept of the stars,,, but like,,, none of those are a life mission,,, they're just little quirks

So anyway like a year in to becoming a ghost, he is being emo and crying about this in waterfall when Maddy finds him and is like “shut up, youre scaring the snails” and he’s like “fight me right now… OH MY GOSH ARE YOU HOLDING A SNAIL THATS THE CUTEST THING EVER”

Maddy and Blooky do not invite him to join their family, he literally adopts himself

He is like. Lovely. Pretty farm. I live here now. I am building a house. I work here now. You are both my cousins.

And they just accept it.

He doesn’t ever really introduce himself to them officially?

He’s still convinced he needs to know who he was, so he’s kind of terrified of having his own opinion on his name or gender or anything because what if he’s wrong?

They both try to ask him who is is or anything about him but he’s just like “Nope Nope Nope, you are not allowed to percieve me yet. Give me attention but do Not perceive”

But he is happy to talk about the snails and to listen about how to care for them

Also he wants to learn more about ghosts because most other ghosts are just little lumps of sadness and regret who dont rlly talk so he tries to like,,, just lay on the floor in blooky’s house and see if theyll tell him things,, or he’ll just bother them until they tell him things

Blooky is the one who introduces him to music, and its mostly by accident

Mettaton is like,, actually fascinated by Blooky’s love of music and is like,, “wait IS it fulfilling? Is THIS what you died to do? Is it your greater purpose? Does it make your life worth living and make everything right and the stars align as you realize who you were before??”

And Blooky is like “I like… drum… sticks go click click and it is nice…”

And Mettaton is like “fascinting.. tell me more.”

So thats how Mettaton gets music lessons from Blooky

He also encourages them to play their music for others and start a band

Which Blooky ends up loving so so much

They dont like talking to strangers but they love performing, its a completely different energy

and thats also how mettaton is introduced to performance

And he’s like “oh. Oh ho ho. This is pretty nifty”

So anyway he continues trying to figure out who he was but he’s also kept more busy and realizes that just. Doing stuff is good

He starts a bunch of clubs and activities and stuff because he adores meeting people and being in the center of attention

Until eventually he makes the human appreciation club and meets a certain lizard

And she REFUSES to talk about herself and Mettaton doesnt know what to do with himself because SOMEONE’s gotta be vulnerable

So it takes him all of two minutes to start gushing about how he’ll never know who he was meant to be and it sucks because how can he ever be himself or become corporeal if he doesnt know what he was supposed to do or look like or be

And alphys is like. “Oh. I could try designing something for you. What do you want to look like?”

And mettaton is like. “Wait. I am allowed to want? I thought i was just. Something. And i have to find it.”

And alphys is like… “listen i am not a ghost expert but i feel like if u could be anything, why not be? Do u want pink swooshy hair?”

And he’s like “oh my god yes please”

He doenst tell his cousins because it still feels illegal to him to just. Decide who he WANTS to be instead of being who he was meant to by the universe

Literally neither of them would care, both of them are so confused by his destiny obsession anyway but unfortunately he is stupid

And then he moves in with alphys while she makes his body and he is just so so happy and he gets to choose what kind of character he’s reborn as

And eventually ofc he does tell his family and they are like “you are stupid. I love you”

[pyrodigy]

hi its late at night and im hitting a pretty low point (again) as i think of my general presence here so im gonna vent a bit, dont mind me

when i was still on my previous blog and i first started realizing i didnt feel as happy and inspired there as i once was when i first made said blog and genshin rpc was new, it was pretty obvious why that was. the community had become so massive compared to those first couple of months, it had become impossible to keep up with what everyone was posting so people weren’t really engaging with each other’s content anymore, unless they were already friends with those people or those people were ~popular~ and therefore worthy of attention.

it was a completely different atmosphere and not one i was fit to thrive in as i could only display minimum activity as it is seeing as i have a full time job and live alone and providing + looking after myself can be demanding enough as it is without factoring in the fact that i also have other hobbies i wanna do and people i wanna spend time with. i felt the only way i could fix this and restore that early enthusiasm was to downsize significantly, remake my blog and only keep for mutuals people who tend to show a minimum of interest so i could also interact with their posts and ideas without feeling like i was wasting my energy on people who didnt care. so thats what i did.

but i find that cutting in half my number of mutuals so i could better keep up with all of them doesnt change the fact that the community as a whole has grown and that me being mutuals with a small portion of it doesnt spare me from the downsides of a bigger fanbase. making things more manageable for myself doesnt change that other people are too busy to (i know this sounds needy) pay attention to me if im not on the dash 24/7, doesnt change the fact that the evergrowing number of dupes makes it so people have less reason to take an interest in my portrayal, doesnt change the fact that the energy of the rpc as a whole has shifted and people dont have the same expectations they used to.

this is concerning to me as a whole but the most flagrant aspect of it is how it seems most of the rpc only seems to care about (romantic) shipping. not a day goes by that i dont see several of my mutuals make shipping calls or rb strictly romantic memes or say things like ‘someone should kiss my muse’ ‘i want my muse to be happy in a relationship’ ‘whos gonna hold my muse’s hand’.

its extremely harrowing speaking as someone who already has a main (romantic) shipping partner and would rather focus on any other sort of relationships for my muse, because it makes me feel like no matter how much effort i put into developing that with my mutuals, either they’ll always hope it can eventually evolve into romance, OR it’ll just be inherently inferior to whatever romantic ship they write with someone else.

and im not saying this to shame any of the people who prioritize romance in their writing or otherwise find more comfort in it than in other types of dynamics. im not saying that at all, i completely understand the yearning and case in point i dont think a week goes by that i dont have a few minutes of weakness where im tempted to say fuck it and have my muse become all charming or smitten with whoever’s muse happens to be on the dash. i wholeheartedly understand that craving and how comforting it can be to just write some fluff when real life can be so harsh and shitty.

i dont know. i guess i just wish i wasnt left to feel like my diluc isnt worth caring about because hes already taken. i want him to hate and love and care about so many people in so many different ways. and scrolling through this dash lately makes me feel like almost no one else is keeping those doors open.

[salty-vents]

My first vent!

Hi, ive been needing a healthy way to vent out my frustrations and i feel a public diary helps because i hate the feeling of screaming for help and none is received. Please dont judge me on my spelling though, i really hate " 's" because they take too much time.

I tend to overthink when im asleep and i had thought about a friend i had recently lost. Lately ive been thinking "were they really a friend?" there were times they did care for me like a friend and were protective of me, but other times they made me feel like i was a bad person for my flaws. They also would take their emotions out on me and their other friends. They cant take criticism either (me being a blunt person especially when i call someone out, it doesnt mix well) she doesnt like to hear the hurtful truth Even if its for her own good. Though one unforgiving thing about her is that she got upset and talked shit about me to her friends because i was suicidal cause i lost my literal boyfriend because of his moms racial discrimination and because i did something that caused our relationship to be unsecreted (if thats even a word) she told me she literally was upset because she was jealous and that hes a boy. Shes kinda sexist and thinks boys are evil for some reason. She was jealous i had more trust in a boy (one who treated me way better than she did; plus not long before this she literally had out of no where blocked me but i forgot why its been a year or 2 since.) she made the arguement ive known her longer but that was untrue cause i met her near the end of 8th grade from my old art blog. While the boy i met during the beginning my second semester of 8th grade. Idk what she told that friend of hers but what she said made them think i was a bad person. And as well as when i met them they just outright said i havent changed and im confused what she even meant cause she barely knew anything about me (or at least anything good about me). this is sad coming from me because i do this too, but she never understands how the shit she does effects the people that care about her. Hints why her ex girlfriend no longer wants to be in a relationship because she messed it up being all needy and wanting attention from her 24/7 despite her girlfriend juggling a job and college. Shes too busy but she tried to reach out

But on The other hand this ex friend of mines was incredibly lazy and did nothing but sleep and procrastinate. I called her out on it especially after she had hurt her own girlfriend by blocking her to try to get her attention, which is detrimental especially since she has bad anxiety. She is pretty selfish, and her ex girlfriend is a close friend of mines, sisterly in fact. So i stood up for her as i do with all my friends. Ever since that day, my ex friend would be petty and bring it up and stuff. One day i just had enough after a bad argument and her friend blocking me after saying "i didnt change at all" when in the argument she was telling me i wasnt doing things i did do? I have people who was aware of the situation back me up. So i just had enough and cut both of them out my life especially that ex friend whos the main story in this post cause ever since that dumb incident where she hurt her own girlfriend, she changed up on me and was all.. Two-faced and i couldnt stand it.