#this doesn't have to apply to everyone's new kid btw i just thought it would be a kinda funny hc

[wannabe-minion-of-chaos]

Headcanon that the new kid only really talks around those they trust, and even then it's short like the "screw you guys I'm going home" at the end of stick of truth, and it's still not very often

And (at least when they were still playing fantasy) whenever it happens the kids treat it like this big honor, "THE KING HAS BLESSED YOU WITH THEIR WISDOM" or something. Only those worthy of the king's wisdom can hear it, even if it's just some basic sentence.

[apolsup]

The product of my baby fever

Fhs week day 6

Angsty Ship - Día de los muertos - Fankid

Meet the twins! Simran and Charlie Gutierrez Hernandez

Some of the first doodles I made of this + algunos q hice en whiteboard ya como más tarde

Este es mi momento, tengo todo un puto documento explicando la idea general d este au 💀

Takes place literally this 2024 not anymore pq cambie las fechas de nacimiento!

Freddy (22) is studying psychology (graduated at 18, took a sabbatical and applied for a scholarship at 20) and working part time as a waiter with Ann

(I think Freddy eventually becomes a child psychologist and/or maybe works as one at his old school? I think the whole “shadows/ghosts” deal would be what gets him to choose that route when he grows up so yeah)

Bon (21) is probably taking any job he can possibly get and would have *some* experience, aside from that he plays his guitar and sings on the streets (he does get some good money out of it but I don't think it would be enough for a living) I think if he had a scholarship he would study music and end up becoming a producer probably. Music *is* his life after all. But as of right now he is working in a coffee shop. (Because I fucking love that trope, is it a cliché? Yeah, but I dooooont care n I didn't ask)

About his home situation, he had been saving up for a while, doing some house work for his neighbors, and as soon as he turned 18 he looked for any job he could take so he could get away (cashier). At 20 years old he saved enough to rent a small apartment and survive for a few months so he could find another job because he got fired (lol, tough luck buddy)

I think they start talking at 21/22 (Freddy needs some good coffee to survive) and start dating like a year after. Like 2 years after that they move together in a slightly bigger apartment (so it can actually fit two human beings a bit more comfortably) and theeeen after a few years (maybe at 27/28??) they've save enough money to buy A HOUSE H9LY SHIT!???!!!⁉️⁉️⁉️ And they move there. Thing is, debido a esto tienen que hacer algunos recortes en su estilo de vida, like for example they gotta buy significantly cheaper shampoo and shit y'know the thing. In trying to save some moneys, they thought that since Freddys on T he couldn't get pregnant (they're both fucking stupid) so yknow...

Because of this, whoops surprise‼️ kids 4 u, ok but seriously

Like around their 26/27 fedi feels weird af but he doesn't really pay too much attention to it for a few weeks bc they just decided on the house, not too big but not too small so they felt trapped, (one floor with two bedrooms, one bathroom a kitchen and a living area)

Like they were just in the middle of moving in when they find out… tough luck ig, Freddy (and Bon too, once the babies pop out) needs to take a parental leave (after like a year and a half working on his old school lmao poor dude) during the later months of pregnancy. Now, they weren't exactly sure of the sex just yet but one thing is for sure, they were NOT expecting to have TWINS

Btw when they find out ofc Freddy was scared and panicking but he trusts Bon so he tells him about it after kind of accepting this was happening, Bon never really thought about having kids tbh (kinda came with the whole having a not so great dad) but now that he knows about the possibility (and reality) he freaks out a little, still he lets Freddy know that while he never thought about the possibility of starting a family he will support him in whatever his decision may be. Freddy thinks about it for a while but thinks what the heck, they both have stable jobs and now a big enough house to have a kid, so maybe they can do this.

So uhhh now they have to not only pack (AND unpack) all of their shit and finish moving into their new house and make it into a home asap but they also have to tell their friends and family AND get prepared for this uhhh permanent experience of parenthood yay!

Everyone is as (if not more) surprised as them, their friends congratulate them and are super excited to meet the little thing (little did they know… it would be TWO little things)

The twins, (Simran and Charlie Maybe idk) use one room, they sleep on bunk beds (Charlie uses the one in the floor bc she thinks that way she can get out of bed easier and bc Freddy and Bon didn't want her to get hurt if she fell out of bed as she usually does. She has drawings hung on her wall. Simran has those sticky figures that charge with light and then shine in the dark by her head, they're a moon and a bunch of stars), they got a computer some time after turning 10 as a gift probably so they can play or do their school work. Bon and Freddy use the other room and idk thats it ig this au is mostly just fluffy family time, lo tengo para tirar todas mis ideas de tener wawas pq sé q es solo my baby fever talking and (probably) not really what I actually want

I also made some drawings to imagine the house bc of course I had to

[sol-lar-bink]

your linework is so good i need to manifest it fr!!

btw anything to share about puffe's past? i presume she ended up working for haltmann at some point, but do you have a take on what the haltmanns'/puffe's "species" or homeworld is like?

Thank you very much! I love doing lineart ngl xD I find it relaxing to do it while listening to music/ youtube vids.

Hmm… I’ve never really thought about what their home planet would be like. I guess I don’t have a concrete idea in mind just yet… but I can come up with a few interesting ones!

I don't know if anyone else has talked about it either. I’d first assume they live on some sorta heavily roboticized planet, or a very futuristic utopia.

I mostly think of Susie and Haltmann just forever traveling space, but i do like the idea of them actually getting to have a normal life for a lil while when Susie was still young (First time I've drawn Max Proffit lmao)

Maybe their species all live on Wall-E esc star cruisers after some catastrophic event- or are just scattered across different planets and stars after they used up all their planets resources.

OR it could literally be just Haltmann and Susie that are the scientific & sci-fi ones of their kind, since they were a Robotics company first, right? Doesn’t mean everyone else would be the same! The rest of their planet could be like any other kirby world with a variety of futuristic elements and magical ones. I wish we could get some more info on them now, just to help push me in one direction. I’ll be thinking about that a lot more now xD

I'm curious to hear your head cannons too if you have any!

As for Puffe- There’s a couple little things I can think of. Admittedly I haven't thought a lot about her past aside from her adult life, so I just came up with this now (+ her new design helps fortify her personality)

She was a bit of a bully as a kid, but as time went on she would lose her friends one by one and struggle to make new connections after that. She’s always been loud mouthed, passive aggressive, always getting into fights, and it'd only escalate through her teens. It’s the only thing that really gets her attention from others.

Fast forward to now as an adult, she’s pretty lonely, with little motivation and not really sure what she wants out of life. Her young personality traits are still carried over, but now as a sad recluse. She bottles it up a lot and only gets verbal when in confrontation or challenged.

She ends up applying and working for Susie after the events of Robobot. Traveling space sounds like it could help her find some answers while getting paid 🤏 do some self-discovery, but that lonely journey continues, even with a few robot buddies. She starts to lose interest and falls into that state of 'tired employee who doesn't want to do their job'.

The only thing keeping her in the job is Susie, who is also trying to better herself from the events after all this time still.

Puffe really just needs some close friends and a little help to improve herself. And Susie is the start to all that!

[zalrb]

I find it very annoying how Hermione scolds Ron about his inability to say Voldemort after she starts doing so in OOTP. It’s IC for her since she’s quite insensitive to others when applying logic, but if anything it really didn’t make any sense for her to have the same fear as those who grew up in the WW anyway. Was it just a way to fit in? Abstractly, the idea of Voldemort would be scary but without years of reinforcement, her feeling like Harry would seem more natural.

I think this is one of those nuances that the book doesn't tease out, which is unfortunate, kind of like how I thought that while not everyone would have the same attitude towards Muggles as Slytherins (who are painted with such a wide brush), there would be natural biases that crop up, particularly since there are biases against goblins and house elves are enslaved, it just didn't make sense for me that there wouldn't be bigoted kids in other houses or even the fact that there isn't, like, a class for Muggle borns to acclimate to this new world of magic in a school that seems designed to murder children, like what kind of culture shock must that be? They were learning spelling and math and science a year ago, now they're doing potions and transfiguration? WHAT?

But I think it's one of those things that because Ron wasn't Harry who Voldemort tried to kill and Ron wasn't Muggle-born like Hermione who would be a target for Voldemort then his feelings about Voldemort or the fact that he was the one who actually grew up in a post-Voldemort era and was therefore raised in that fear of him weren't taken very seriously, which would've been an interesting thing to tease out, kind of like during his outburst with the horcrux he gets angry at Harry for brushing off Ginny's punishment being in the Forbidden Forest and Ron is like are you mad, there are so many horrible things IN that forest, just because you (and Ron btw) have more or less beat them doesn't mean that the forest is harmless.

[outrunningthedark]

I’m looking forward to some of these….more extreme shippers to maybe wake up and realize the show is not their fan fictions. Some of them are out here legitimately speculating about the show starting season 7 with Natalia having had a baby and running off over the hiatus so the boys can come together and raise it 💀💀💀 like where did this even get started at as something that can be speculated to happen.

LOLLL! I briefly speculated about Natalia getting pregnant after fandom didn't get their wish and have C&K's baby somehow end up with Buck ("Hear me out: What if they die?" 😶), but Buddie doesn't even need this as a story line when they already have CHRISTOPHER??? Y'no, the kid whose mom abandoned him at four and ended up getting an additional father figure in Buck??? I thought recycling relationships ("Buck and Natalia is just BT lite" or "Eddie and Marisol is EddieAna, Take Two") was not the way to get people to accept new LIs? Or does that excuse only apply when the LI is a woman? 🤔 The GA doesn't want Buddie. If they did, Buck and Eddie would have officially started co-parenting Christopher sometime after the will conversation, yet the show runners have only moved further away from it with each episode that gets written. (To the point that Kristen would prefer it doesn't get brought up in canon. Btw.) The show NOT ending in May is turning out to be the worst thing for this fandom. Hope is still alive because "it ain't over 'til it's over", but if Buck and/or Eddie get serious (really serious) with new women next season the "baiting" accusations will start up again because "Why didn't they just keep Natalia or Marisol then?" If that didn't work at the start of season five it's not gonna work now. Stop lying to yourselves (and everyone else).

[one-strugling-bean]

Watched S2 Ep6 "True Bromance" and i have some thoughts:

(Beforehand, just wanna say this is all my opinion and speculation, okay? You're totally free to think I'm completely wrong about it)

So. Randy is a bit of a possessive friend, right?

During the first season we see a few episodes that demonstrate that, like episode 13 "The Secret Stache" and episode 19 "Nukid on the Block", where, in both cases, Randy gets jealous and really worked up over Howard hanging out with other people.

Possessive doesn't seem like the right word for it - it seems too harsh - but Randy definitely emanates that feeling of "Howard is my friend, over anyone else's" in both episodes (more obvious in NOTB), that shows a certain territoriality over Howard.

I'm not trying to villainize Randy or say he's a bad friend though, we all know that's completely wrong. And besides, Howard is pretty possessive of his buddy too, and although I can't think of a specific episode where that's the main focus right now, we do see jealous Howard almost every episode, whenever Randy has to leave him for the Nomicon (at least during the 1st season, not sure how the the 2nd will play out).

The thing is, Howard is supposed to be an asshole and petty and we see him throw fits and dramatise over Randy NNS-ing all the time. Those "fits" usually end with Howard causing trouble for himself and everyone around him and the Ninja having to save everyone; Howard somehow helps him and redeems himself in the process, and the ep closes with Howard learning his lesson. Then, next episode he pulls the same stunt again because the show's main focus isn't him and because without his antagonistic personality the show would lose half its plot and conflict. And so the cycle continues.

But Randy is the Ninja, the good guy, the hero protagonist. And while he's not completely innocent, as he has his fair share of stupid ideas too, there always seem to be certain lines he doesn't cross. At least not by himself - sometimes Howard or (unpurposely) the Nomicon influence him in pretty bad directions.

I guess that's why his behaviour in "True Bromance" (TB) surprises me so much. He locked three kids on the school's roof and framed Howard for it, for no discernable reason other than "they're not Howard's true bros so they shouldn't hang out". As if that justifies what he did.

And yes, again, I know Randy has done many questionable things up until now (I haven't watched any ep after TB btw), but usually, it's either Ninja-related business - and I'm not holding those against him, because c'mon, who decided that giving a 14-year-old kid Ninja powers was okay? - or he's being highly influenced by someone else (Howard).

But this time, in TB, none of those conditions applied. Honestly, I think Nomicon's warning of "The jealous dragon slays what he should protect" was some of the most obvious advice the book has ever offered Randy. And still, the guy, refusing to admit he's jealous, twists the advice, convincing himself that Howard's new friends are dangerous, just to ease his guilt and justify to his morals that it's okay to go after them. And it's not even like he doesn't know these people or they've shown any reason for suspicion, like with Franz Nukid. Randy knows Bucky and Dave and Pradeep - they're his classmates! And still, Randy has no qualms coming up with an overly complicated and a little cruel plan (cruel to Howard, since Randy frames the notes as having been from Howard) to "protect" the redhead from them.

That's a lot. Especially since like, Howard was super nice and not annoying about the whole deal? Usually, he'd rub Randy's obvious jealousy in his face, in every obnoxious way he could. That's "classic Howard". But he didn't do that this time. He was chill and invited Randy to hang out, despite also inviting his new friends. Which, by the way, is a pretty okay thing to do when you get new friends - hang out with them. He's not even mad at Randy, invites him to join them at lunch the next day despite Randy not having called him back the day before. When I was watching the episode, I even wondered if Howard wasn't being a little un-canon like.

And yes, of course, when Howard reassures Randy of their true broship, Randy immediately feels guilty over his actions and eventually he fixes everything, but still. Stay with me.

Like, look how far he was willing to go. And for how little. As I said, it's not like Howard abandoned him or left him in favour of new friends, he just found some company for when Randy's busy, which, looking at it from a logical point of view, is a good thing and makes sense. Howard hates being alone and often it's because he is left alone with his bad moods that he ends up causing trouble. But the redhead genuinely looked happy (without Randy) this time with his new friends - there was no ulterior motive there (and, important to note, those friends seemed happy about hanging out with him too).

If you look at it from any perspective, the arrangement that that episode provided should beneficiate both of them, even if it ruined them as the show's protagonists - Randy would have more freedom to do his Ninja business without always having to worry about Howard's tantrums and possibly putting him in danger, and Howard would possibly get more good influences, feel less lonely and be put in danger a whole lot less. None of this has to mean they gotta stop being besties and Howard seems to understand this. But Randy is so fixated on his jealousy and fear of losing Howard that he fails to see it.

They are both pretty co-dependent though, so even if Randy didn't act on it, I think it'd be impossible for him not to be jealous of Howard's new buds, and knowing Howard, I'm (kinda sadly) sure that he'd blow the friendships eventually - either he'd get tired of them not being Cunningham and all, or use them for something and since not everyone is as patient and forgiving as Randy, they'd get tired of him - and the bros would undoubtedly re-become NorrisvilleHigh most clingy duo.

(Maybe I'm wrong here though, who knows. I might just have too little faith in friendships that started in high school)

In any case, my point is that Randy is reaaaaaally dependent on their friendship. (and Howard too, although to a lesser extent). Look how far he was willing to go, how easily he threw away his morals, his ninja code, just to keep Howard to himself? This is looking like some yandere type stuff, I know, but I find it fun to analyze relationships like this.

I believe the opposite could happen too honestly - Howard getting jealous and creating a plan to keep Randy away from potential new friends - but not exactly for the same reasons as Randy.

(And this is where most of my speculation and personal headcanons start, so fair warning.)

Howard, despite being gross and self-centred, seems to be pretty okay with other people and his social skills often result in him getting his way when he shouldn't be able to - his reasons would petty jealousy over Randy having fun with someone who's not him. And although Randy shows the same, if not even better social skills, they usually only show up when Howard's around, or it's got something to do with the Ninja. Howard, his bud, his bro, his bestie, and lately the Ninja mask gives him the confidence to use those skills. But what about the years before the mask? What about before Howard? My guess is that Randy has always been a pretty shy kid, and Howard, (loud, obnoxious, extrovert Howard) being his friend kinda allows him to let loose a lot more and be more confident, but if his bud isn't around, he'll return to his shell. The ninja mask's power has also been helping with that, but he's still just a teenager, and insecurities appear

And when Randy sees Howard getting closer to other people, his only bro stepping a liiiitle farther away from the tight-knitted relationship they've built, those insecurities surface, and Randy immediately panics and tries to bring the redhead closer again, through any means necessary, because after all, Howard is social and can easily make other friends, he doesn't need Randy like Randy needs Howard. Randy can't make friends that easy, he's not that outgoing, if Howard left him, he'd be completely alone. And this might just be me, but I think anyone can understand how difficult and despairing being alone in high school can be.

After this episode, I started thinking more deeply about how the boys don't seem to have any friends at school besides each other. A few friendly acquaintances maybe, but not friends. So I wonder, has something like this happened before? As in, one of them makes a good friend, the other gets jealous and tries to break that friendship apart, and however that ends, it ends up resulting in the two of them becoming more and more isolated from all of their peers as school years go by?

That thing Bucky says near the end of the episode really got to me in terms of this topic; he said he didn't want to hang out with Howard anymore because he was "scared of getting between Randy and Howard."

And although I know that's mostly got to do with the stanking incident the casual bros went through, it still left me thinking.

You can say whatever you want about Howard and Randy's friendship, but you can't deny how much they need each other and the lengths they'll go for one another - always making sure that, no matter how much they fight and bicker and turn on each other, they will always have the other around, for better or for worse.

This episode just served to light up, even more, my love for these two, their friendship, and the show as a whole.

Am I thinking too much about this? Yeah definitely. Do I care? Yeah a little, but oh well :P Have a cute picture of them from the episode as thanks for reading til here:

If you have anything you'd like to add or refute, please do, I love to talk about these things and I don't know anyone who likes this show :,D

[madwoman14]

What really gets me about associating "Nothing New" with Rory is that it really hits upon the idea that Rory feels like she has to achieve greatness to be worthy of love or even her existence. She can't just be "moderately successful." Going to "college" in general isn't enough- it has to be Harvard or Yale or she's failed. She can't have an ordinary career doing office work or working for some small-time paper (which don't really exist anymore anyway)- she has to have her name in prestigious publications like the New Yorker or the Times. And I think all too often people assume that means she thinks she's "too good" for lesser things, but honestly I think it has more to do with this anxiety that constantly haunts her: that being "good enough" isn't good enough. She has to be "brilliant" and "impressive" or else feel like she's letting her family down and she doesn't deserve to live. And I think it would kill Lorelai to know that she unintentionally made her daughter feel that way, but she does. No matter that Emily told her way back in Season 1 that her existence "isn't a disappointment," the implicit undercurrent in all the family arguments has always been that Rory's existence has ruined their family, and Rory has always felt desperate to make up for it.

OH YEAH- i can’t remember what fic i read this in but it was like Lorelai couldn’t let herself become a teen pregnancy statistic, so all the pressure was on Rory whether Lorelai noticed it or not. But Nothing New was written after two major success, where Taylor was probably feeling the apprehension of just “a success” where she loses her novel status, and she feels like she is going to disappoint everyone and society will just discard her like she’s seen happen before. Rory feels the same way when she can’t just go to college, she HAS to go to one of the Ivies, which was why Chilton acceptance was so important to all of them because it guaranteed her path to Harvard. And if she didn’t go to Harvard after all that money and effort in Chilton?? That only made things worst. You’re so right with the way people hate on her for “looking down on jobs” but when that much pressures on you, you have to shoot for the moon, landing among the stars means nothing. Her “I have to be great or nothing” thinking certainly made it harder for her to bounce back, partly because she’s never had to?? Also can we talk about the fact that the pressure to become a top journalist has been on since she was four??? When I was four, my life ambition was to be a Barbie ngl (still working toward it btw). Even now, I know only a handful of people who work in the same field they entered their first year of college with, so imagine how claustrophobic it would have been to stick to your inner 4 year old self’s dream. But she was never allowed to explore, her goals couldn’t be dynamic and that’s why she struggled to reach them. We saw the way Lorelai reacted when Rory applied to other colleges. (honestly who applies to just one college, don’t do it kids that is the worst idea ever), so Rory could never try to change her goal she was set upon since she was four. We also see this during the conversation of Teach Me Tonight where she says something like “I’ve been talking about this for like ever and it would be really embarrassing if I couldn’t do it” when Jess questions if its right with her. There we see her motivation, yeah to travel the world, but like she needs to do it. I think that Rory sees the way her mother is humiliated and hurt, and she will not let that happen, so she has to succeed brilliantly, she has to be someone enough so that society leaves her mother alone and Rory isn’t just a mistake anymore. Honestly to me its surprising that Rory didn’t breakdown earlier with pressure from Lorelai, Emily Richard, and mostly herself. Also they way I read this ask so many times because I was certain you heard all the thoughts in brain?? this ask was so superbly written and i thank you so much for the food for thought.   

Also the fact that the line  How can a person know everything At eighteen but nothing at twenty-two? lines up perfectly with Rory just amazes me. \

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SPIRALLING NOW!

[aritany]

how do i get over myself? like i genuinely cannot do anything that i want to because of my perfectionism (like fanfic, drawing, etc), if im not immediately good at something im like, physically unable to complete it. and logically i know that the only way for me to be good at things is to work on them, and everyone has to start somewhere, and that nobody starts off the most popular fanfic author or anything, but that just,,,doesn't register in my brain? do you have any advice? thanks!

hey anon!

man, this question. i struggle with pretty crippling perfectionism myself, and i resonate with every word you just said. i think i’ve gotten better over the last few years about this, but it is a hard battle to overcome. these are a few pointers — they might be a little disjointed, but hey. nobody’s perfect, right? :)

understand why you’re doing what you’re doing. are you doing it because you want to get good at the thing, or because you want other people to think you’re good at the thing? this is a crucial difference. real skill comes once the delight is there. if it’s not fun, of course you’re going to give up before you get good. if you’re doing it to impress others, that’s a quick trip to burnoutville.

choose: regret or regret? there are two kinds of regret — regret that you did something and it sucked, and regret that you didn’t do something at all — and the first kind is always better. learn from that icky ‘oh man i tried that and it did NOT turn out like i hoped’ feeling and try to get comfortable with it. the upside is, you did that thing. now you know how that thing goes when you try it. that counts as practice. practice will yield results, every time.

they aren’t kidding, it really is one foot in front of the other, slow and steady wins the race. when i first started posting on here, my writing would get like 3-5 notes apiece. when i first started making music, i was clueless. when i first started drawing, it was a complete mess. i had every idea of what i wanted to do, and nothing came out like i wanted it to. i’m still getting there, but that’s part of the fun.

remember - more notes/hits/kudos/comments ≠ more skill. i get more notes on my posts now, but i’m still the same writer. my audience is wider than it used to be not because of any astounding skill growth but because i log on every day to be annoying on this website and i’m consistent💞🤡

the most important part: find a cheerleader. i know it’s a popular concept that as a creator you should be entirely self sustained (ever heard the phrase ‘write for yourself’?) but not going to lie i think that’s dumb. find a friend who knows how to cheer you on. sometimes you find those people on websites like these, sometimes these are people you know irl, either way, they are important. it’s especially great when they are also a writer/artist because they know exactly what sort of support you need, and it’s fun to support each other in growing and talking excitedly about the things you make. (how??? How To Find Friend?? find someone you admire and tell them. 10/10 guarantee it will make their day and you lose nothing at all, and occasionally that sparks a conversation as a bonus.) it’s hard to create things alone.

(if anyone wants more input on the friend thing, let me know - i have lots of thoughts on this!)

‘that all sounds great, but how do i start?’ just start. just start right now.

i’m going to show you a 1 year difference in my art. i didn’t draw every day. i didn’t practice constantly. but i was consistent. i hated how my pieces turned out and i kept going and i kept making new ones even when progress was discouraging. the photo on the left was following a step-by-step tutorial (excellent way to learn btw!) and the photo on the right was out of my head.

is the photo on the right perfect? nope. was it closer to what i was aiming for? definitely.

long story short, accept that you’re not going to be incredible at something the first or second or twentieth time you try something. but you will get better. and if you keep getting better? exponential growth, baby. you will be better off starting now than starting in a year.

get out there and try things. (if you feel so inclined, let me know how it goes! this applies to everyone trying new stuff right now.) you got this.

[winds--of--change]

No.561

Me: If everything happens for a reason, tell me, what is this for? Been over 3 months unemployed now... am I that unemployable? Or should I be meant to go back to Vietnam now... TELL ME

Me2: Happy Birthday btw lol must be fun having such turbulence first few days of age 29. Hallelujah

Me: 30-crisis =_=

Me2: Hey I think things are just going the way YOU wanted it, that's why no job yet BECAUSE what you desire the most FIRST is a new house, your style back. And you got it! First.

Me: True. It feels so good having a private room again, not a narrow bunk bed shared with 12 girls. Man I was down to a cold just last week or before because when living with too many people in one single space, the cold just goes around. And the moment I moved to the new place, no more cold! And I feel super fresh and healthy, probably thanks to the natural park closed by and more greens in this area with so few people.

Me2: See. You wanted this first. And that is why you got a house and all your belongings back, having all clothes (btw you have LOADS! I can't believe it, even if you wear something new every single day you can't even finish wearing all in a month because you have more than, like, 40 outfits! WTF)

Me: I am girl. What do you expect! And I am so proud of my wardrobe, which is handpicked by me by the way. None of the clothes are what is left over of my mother's belongings like what happened in the past, let's say I finally have my own identity lol I am not Mom anymore.

Me2: Yeah right =.= good luck with wearing all of those at least once in a year lol or best of luck packing all again in case you are leaving lol

Me: I am not leaving Japan! I am staying in Tokyo.

Me2: Well yeah, you have only a month left....

Me: A whole month!!!! And everything could change everything could happen! And see, I just noticed 10:10 o'clock on Emily's computer and when I checked the hour meaning for it, it means I'm undeniably super lucky! And success in career and financial future would be at my door! See, it's a sign. I am gonna find a job in Tokyo, stay and achieve my saving goals!

Me2: Work hard for it then.

Me: I will!

Me2: For now you don't, that's why I am concerned.

Me: =.= yeah...

Me2: See! You are always so full of shits.

Me: Ouch! That fucking hurts! And you are RUDE.

Me2: Can't make you face reality if I don't do so.

Me: I know reality. Have some faith in me yo.

Me2: All the time.... and yet you still crawl back here asking for my help.

Me: I didn't ask for your help.... Just want some... chit chat LOL

Me2: the time of which you should spend on job hunting if you wanna stay in Tokyo that bad under only one month deadline.

Me: Hey everyone needs a break sometimes. And I need to know what I am doing wrong during this whole job hunting.

Me2: You don't have Japanese, not even confident in Japanese, lack of work experiences too, which clearly shows in interviews and...

Me: Stop.

Me2: I thought you said you know reality. YOUR reality, to be exact lol

Me: Common I must have something...that's employable!

Me2: Like... ?

Me: Hmm.... cute and fashionable!!!!

Me2: ... ... ... ... ... ...You serious????

Me: LOL sorry I need to make myself laugh away job hunting stress lol Common... don't be serious.... it's just a job. I will find something.

Me2: Hand claps for such..... optimism.

Me: Man.... I need a job, I truly have too much time to think lol

Me2: No kidding.

Me: But on the bright side! I am so free and so free yet I don't bother him again! Maybe Love's gone. Hmm...

Me2: You said you are still happy as fuck when he just sent you a message wishing you happy birthday. And hardly believe it if he really cares or remembers, it might just be Facebook notification so he ended up sending a message out of courtesy.

Me: And so do I, send him Thank You message out of courtesy, and nothing more! I didn't go overboard or whatever. Man I was even thinking (for a mili-second only) of asking him to hire me LOL GOSH I am glad I control my lameness =.=

Me2: Mannnn don't ever talk to me again if you ever do that. We are no longer even acquaintances, I would be ashamed to have an acquaintance like that.

Me: Hey! I didn't do it! I just had a thought for a very very short time!

Me2: Might as well prepare everything, including the possibility you are leaving Japan in August no?

Me:.... that's why I prepared ticket money in my bank account today. BUUUUUT just for worst case scenario that's why I did so, like to so I'm fully prepared for whatever ahead and ready for ...whatever. It doesn't mean I won't get something in Tokyo you know! As I said, the angel said I'm undeniably lucky! I will find a job and enter visa renewal process before my current visa expires. That's for sure.

Me2: You are not young anymore dear, 29 is something, that you should think of about... long term future.

Me: Like what, marriage and kids? Look I talked to Hakun today and she is thinking of divorce because her husband likes gambling. But she feels stuck because she cannot afford to rent a new house for herself and the kid.

Me2: You are saying you have no confidence whatsoever that you will find a GOOD husband?! And all men shall end up like that?! Because if you think of other's situation and don't marry because of that, I think it just means you are "making what you see into your reality" as well, so that you could have a chance to say "I knew it! Told ya. Men are just like that!!"

Me:.... true. Matter of consciousness and mindset again, which in turn shapes thoughts and actions and then, the very reality of one's own.

Me2: Duh!

Me: Anyway.... all I am trying to say is.... I belong to Japan. Vietnam is still my home too, whenever for visits. But I would like to live in Japan. I can't find myself fit back in Vietnam anymore, I HAVE CHOSEN THIS PATH, being international being more than just... a Vietnamese, a Goldsmiths follower, a Japan-lover. Now I am all of those and MORE. And Tokyo offers me to be who I am, who I have always wanted to be and NOW being.

Me2: ...

Me: Look I have changed a lot dear. Even when I was in England, in one of the most amazing cities in the world like London, and being in Goldsmiths I was still just a small girl, not confident with English, not even speaking it, lack everything, especially self-confidence and taste, wearing Mom's clothes and so on. Yet I learnt how to make self and I applied it the moment I set foot on Japan! And I have identified this self of mine all along since then. I HAVE BUILT UP EVERYTHING, even from minus dear, yet I come to zero, and now, a PLUS. Leaving is like, smashing the whole empire I built! You don't know how hard it is, being from someone who can't even speak well a mother tongue, to someone who now speaks THREE languages. You don't know, the price I paid, from being introvert, someone quiet by nature and plain, to someone with a style, with the ability to attract interesting people, get along more easily and make friends along the way! I HAVE PAINED MYSELF A LOT TO BUILD UP AN IDENTITY SUCH THAT, I look like someone travel a lot, have a lot of friends, doing cool stuffs, having cool friends and all, to be able to move socially upwards, to break away from the countryside girl who has no opinion, who "lives to eat" lol and, who, is, MOM. I was MOM 100% remember? And she didn't know who she is even till now! But I know who I am now. I MAKE WHO I AM NOW. Yes my professor was right that 'you can never get away from yourself', time after time I am still my mother, sometime even more, sometime even less. But you know what, you can never get away from yourself BUT YOU CAN ALWAYS TRANSFORM THAT SELF OF YOURS. And I did it!

Look dear, I AM NOT GIVING UP. Till the last day of my visa, everything could change! Miracles could happen! Like how I made it to who I am now! So I will continue on this path, on building who I want to be.

And I know I will be successful.