#does this count as that essay id say id make on their relationship?
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mobblespsycho100 · 8 months ago
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I think I already asked ur fav character but whos ur fav from each area? express, space station, belobog, luofu, and penacony. and then misc to include the sstellaron hunters n stuff. Well. I can assume the for for penacony lolz
4 me.... the express is probably the MC tbh. Himeko is a close second she may be tied
space station issss HERTAAAA !!! 100% herta. waittt Arlan too.....
Jarilo vi is Clara or Sampo ^.^ the sillies
Luofu.... does Blade count if hes technically a different person now. It's probably Yanqing 4 me
Penaconyyyy.... so hard.. NO WAIT MISHA I LOVE MISHA silly little guy
For misc,,,, is Boothill from Penacony? if not then its him. oooh or screwllum... hes not playable tho.... OOKH silver wolf def shes soooooooo
I LOVE ALL UR PICKS (xcept blade im sorry bladers i can see his appeal just not for me) ‼️‼️
yes okay so
🌠🚂 Astral Express: very similar to u. Himeko is my numero uno, but I love MC and pompom too <3 if i had to rank id say Himeko, PomPom, MC, and then Welt Danheng March are kinda tied ? i love themb theyyre the sillies ever ^.^
🛰️ HSS: Probably Arlan and Peppy (theyre a package do not seperate), because theyre silly to me and I think Arlan deserves better!!! But tbh IDK, If Screwllum counts as a space station character since he appears there often, id say screwllum :3 robots !! Herta and Asta are also characters that I used to be neutral on/dislike but I quite enjoy them now!!! :D Ruan Mei is interesting 🤔 but i would love it if her design actually had like a lab coat or more biology aspects to it like the dna helixes are great but i need More y'know?
❄️Jarilo-VI: SAMPOOOOO !!! not even a question. second fav either Serval or Bronya or maybe even Lynx??? but Sampo is top tier to me. yesss. Underworld Charas r kinda more fun than the Overworld ones though imho, they have a closer tight-knit dynamic which I loveee like Seele and Luka are so siblings / besties and Oleg and Luka mentor-student relationship and Natasha and Hook being like aunt and niece and Clara Svarog daughter father bond of all time is so silly to meeee <333
🪷 Luofu: Blade counts imo!! since he appears in Luofu patch and thats like his former home. My fav Luofu character is Xueyi, but I gen rlly love Jing Yuan, Fu Xuan, and Yanqing too :3 Hanya is fun also but only because I like tragic siblings ajdhsjdh also shout out to Luocha for being a merchant whos actually NOT that much of a good guy and is just a silly weirdo man
SPECIAL SHOUTOUT TO 🪙THE IPC🪙, i hate the corporation's wholedeal but i love Owlbert, Topaz & Numby, and Aventurine a lottt <333 Ratio doesnt count as IPC despite being a representative sent by them btw hes in Intelligentsia Guild which is funded by the IPC but isnt part of the IPC. ANYWAAAAY
🌟 Stellaron Hunters: Kafka... its still Kafka.... i want to move on from her so badly please.... I stil havent gotten her i want to cry.... please letme let me live..... I like Sam and Silver Wolf as well too :3!!! Blade is silly but hes my least fav. Elio is my silly cat cat to meeeee
🌃 Penacony: Our canonical Penacony characters aka the playable ones actually from there are Sunday, Robin, Misha, and Gallagher. I really like Robin !!!! shes so silly and cute and i love herrrr <3 but if we r talking characters *featured/will be featured* in Penacony's story, then I have to admit Im very down bad for Aventurine and Black Swan rn. Boothill also <3 :3 sillies forreal . Acherons lore is interesting as well!! though shes not like a fav, shes like my blorbo in law for sure (one of my moots/friend is a big fan of raiden mei and therefore a big fan of acheron :3!! we ramble/basically make essays and talk to each other abt hsr a bunch and its fun :3!!!)
ANDYEAH THATS IT I THINK 🌟🌟🌟 YUPPEEE THANKS FOR THE ASK THIS ONE IS A GREAT ONE AND I LOVE ANSWERING AND GIVING MY THOUGHTS
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khodorkovskaya · 1 year ago
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I completely agree with what yoire saying about him, it's just that hes cute and seems really nice, but I barely know him tbf so I should just let go and move on
But part of me Hope's it will get better and progress into something
And honestly, that's the part I hate about myself the most because i end up destroying myself in the process and i KNOW I'm doing it but i dont hold back???? Like???? Do i like to feel misery and unwanted???? No, yet I seem to drawn myself into it????
Why????? 😥 like what's wrong with me lmao 😅
i think we all have that little voice in our head that wants to feel miserable and unwanted...? or maybe it's just some people idk
but there's something so comforting about being sad and in love. maybe it's because it strips you of responsibility and you just passively go through with whatever's happening to you. like it's horrible for sure, but there's a part of it that's kinda satisfying. like the melodramatic sigh of "oh well, i guess i'll suffer, this is my destiny". i used to live for this shit when i was with my ex! and not to be all christian, but suffering really does give you purpose and makes your life appear more meaningful. here's a great video essay about it btw, it really makes you think.
and the thing you say about hope too is very interesting. there's a saying that "hope dies last" and it really does. i feel like when i was with my ex i was addicted to hope. it was always like "i just need to make it through this week and then it'll get better" or "i just have to wait until the summer/x date/x event and then it'll get better". it was just this never ending cycle of waiting and hoping that things would change. and this cycle lasted FIVE YEARS! FIVE YEARS!!!
no but literally, i remember the start of the relationship was quite painful so id be like "okay i just have to wait a little more until we get to know each other better", then the first year in it was the constant waiting for him finishing his studies and getting his career together, then i had convinced myself that once i start uni it will get better, then i waited for us to move in together... not counting all the numerous times id tell myself to wait for things like exams to be over or for the next season to start or for us to go on holiday or whatever other stupid deadline id come up with for myself. and the worst thing was that my ex was a failed self-proclaimed entrepreneur who clang on to his absolutely ridiculous business idea he had for all those 5 years. and every time he would be like "i just need to wait to finish this paperwork", "i just need to wait until i can refurnish my office", "i just need to get my first couple of clients and then things will take off", "wait a little more, you'll see that next year i'll be a millionaire". and of course his business never took off because he's a terrible businessman! but id always listen to him and give him a pass! every. single. time.
so spoiler alert: it doesn't get better. so don't start hoping if the guy is full of red flags from the start. the red flags aren't gonna go away, you can't wait them out.
and if you feel this longing for sadness and misery, just listen to lana del rey, eat a tub of ice cream and move on. but please don't ruin your life because of it.
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one-strugling-bean · 3 years ago
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Watched S2 Ep6 "True Bromance" and i have some thoughts:
(Beforehand, just wanna say this is all my opinion and speculation, okay? You're totally free to think I'm completely wrong about it)
So. Randy is a bit of a possessive friend, right?
During the first season we see a few episodes that demonstrate that, like episode 13 "The Secret Stache" and episode 19 "Nukid on the Block", where, in both cases, Randy gets jealous and really worked up over Howard hanging out with other people.
Possessive doesn't seem like the right word for it - it seems too harsh - but Randy definitely emanates that feeling of "Howard is my friend, over anyone else's" in both episodes (more obvious in NOTB), that shows a certain territoriality over Howard.
I'm not trying to villainize Randy or say he's a bad friend though, we all know that's completely wrong. And besides, Howard is pretty possessive of his buddy too, and although I can't think of a specific episode where that's the main focus right now, we do see jealous Howard almost every episode, whenever Randy has to leave him for the Nomicon (at least during the 1st season, not sure how the the 2nd will play out).
The thing is, Howard is supposed to be an asshole and petty and we see him throw fits and dramatise over Randy NNS-ing all the time. Those "fits" usually end with Howard causing trouble for himself and everyone around him and the Ninja having to save everyone; Howard somehow helps him and redeems himself in the process, and the ep closes with Howard learning his lesson. Then, next episode he pulls the same stunt again because the show's main focus isn't him and because without his antagonistic personality the show would lose half its plot and conflict. And so the cycle continues.
But Randy is the Ninja, the good guy, the hero protagonist. And while he's not completely innocent, as he has his fair share of stupid ideas too, there always seem to be certain lines he doesn't cross. At least not by himself - sometimes Howard or (unpurposely) the Nomicon influence him in pretty bad directions.
I guess that's why his behaviour in "True Bromance" (TB) surprises me so much. He locked three kids on the school's roof and framed Howard for it, for no discernable reason other than "they're not Howard's true bros so they shouldn't hang out". As if that justifies what he did.
And yes, again, I know Randy has done many questionable things up until now (I haven't watched any ep after TB btw), but usually, it's either Ninja-related business - and I'm not holding those against him, because c'mon, who decided that giving a 14-year-old kid Ninja powers was okay? - or he's being highly influenced by someone else (Howard).
But this time, in TB, none of those conditions applied. Honestly, I think Nomicon's warning of "The jealous dragon slays what he should protect" was some of the most obvious advice the book has ever offered Randy. And still, the guy, refusing to admit he's jealous, twists the advice, convincing himself that Howard's new friends are dangerous, just to ease his guilt and justify to his morals that it's okay to go after them. And it's not even like he doesn't know these people or they've shown any reason for suspicion, like with Franz Nukid. Randy knows Bucky and Dave and Pradeep - they're his classmates! And still, Randy has no qualms coming up with an overly complicated and a little cruel plan (cruel to Howard, since Randy frames the notes as having been from Howard) to "protect" the redhead from them.
That's a lot. Especially since like, Howard was super nice and not annoying about the whole deal? Usually, he'd rub Randy's obvious jealousy in his face, in every obnoxious way he could. That's "classic Howard". But he didn't do that this time. He was chill and invited Randy to hang out, despite also inviting his new friends. Which, by the way, is a pretty okay thing to do when you get new friends - hang out with them. He's not even mad at Randy, invites him to join them at lunch the next day despite Randy not having called him back the day before. When I was watching the episode, I even wondered if Howard wasn't being a little un-canon like.
And yes, of course, when Howard reassures Randy of their true broship, Randy immediately feels guilty over his actions and eventually he fixes everything, but still. Stay with me.
Like, look how far he was willing to go. And for how little. As I said, it's not like Howard abandoned him or left him in favour of new friends, he just found some company for when Randy's busy, which, looking at it from a logical point of view, is a good thing and makes sense. Howard hates being alone and often it's because he is left alone with his bad moods that he ends up causing trouble. But the redhead genuinely looked happy (without Randy) this time with his new friends - there was no ulterior motive there (and, important to note, those friends seemed happy about hanging out with him too).
If you look at it from any perspective, the arrangement that that episode provided should beneficiate both of them, even if it ruined them as the show's protagonists - Randy would have more freedom to do his Ninja business without always having to worry about Howard's tantrums and possibly putting him in danger, and Howard would possibly get more good influences, feel less lonely and be put in danger a whole lot less. None of this has to mean they gotta stop being besties and Howard seems to understand this. But Randy is so fixated on his jealousy and fear of losing Howard that he fails to see it.
They are both pretty co-dependent though, so even if Randy didn't act on it, I think it'd be impossible for him not to be jealous of Howard's new buds, and knowing Howard, I'm (kinda sadly) sure that he'd blow the friendships eventually - either he'd get tired of them not being Cunningham and all, or use them for something and since not everyone is as patient and forgiving as Randy, they'd get tired of him - and the bros would undoubtedly re-become NorrisvilleHigh most clingy duo.
(Maybe I'm wrong here though, who knows. I might just have too little faith in friendships that started in high school)
In any case, my point is that Randy is reaaaaaally dependent on their friendship. (and Howard too, although to a lesser extent). Look how far he was willing to go, how easily he threw away his morals, his ninja code, just to keep Howard to himself? This is looking like some yandere type stuff, I know, but I find it fun to analyze relationships like this.
I believe the opposite could happen too honestly - Howard getting jealous and creating a plan to keep Randy away from potential new friends - but not exactly for the same reasons as Randy.
(And this is where most of my speculation and personal headcanons start, so fair warning.)
Howard, despite being gross and self-centred, seems to be pretty okay with other people and his social skills often result in him getting his way when he shouldn't be able to - his reasons would petty jealousy over Randy having fun with someone who's not him. And although Randy shows the same, if not even better social skills, they usually only show up when Howard's around, or it's got something to do with the Ninja. Howard, his bud, his bro, his bestie, and lately the Ninja mask gives him the confidence to use those skills. But what about the years before the mask? What about before Howard? My guess is that Randy has always been a pretty shy kid, and Howard, (loud, obnoxious, extrovert Howard) being his friend kinda allows him to let loose a lot more and be more confident, but if his bud isn't around, he'll return to his shell. The ninja mask's power has also been helping with that, but he's still just a teenager, and insecurities appear
And when Randy sees Howard getting closer to other people, his only bro stepping a liiiitle farther away from the tight-knitted relationship they've built, those insecurities surface, and Randy immediately panics and tries to bring the redhead closer again, through any means necessary, because after all, Howard is social and can easily make other friends, he doesn't need Randy like Randy needs Howard. Randy can't make friends that easy, he's not that outgoing, if Howard left him, he'd be completely alone. And this might just be me, but I think anyone can understand how difficult and despairing being alone in high school can be.
After this episode, I started thinking more deeply about how the boys don't seem to have any friends at school besides each other. A few friendly acquaintances maybe, but not friends. So I wonder, has something like this happened before? As in, one of them makes a good friend, the other gets jealous and tries to break that friendship apart, and however that ends, it ends up resulting in the two of them becoming more and more isolated from all of their peers as school years go by?
That thing Bucky says near the end of the episode really got to me in terms of this topic; he said he didn't want to hang out with Howard anymore because he was "scared of getting between Randy and Howard."
And although I know that's mostly got to do with the stanking incident the casual bros went through, it still left me thinking.
You can say whatever you want about Howard and Randy's friendship, but you can't deny how much they need each other and the lengths they'll go for one another - always making sure that, no matter how much they fight and bicker and turn on each other, they will always have the other around, for better or for worse.
This episode just served to light up, even more, my love for these two, their friendship, and the show as a whole.
Am I thinking too much about this? Yeah definitely. Do I care? Yeah a little, but oh well :P Have a cute picture of them from the episode as thanks for reading til here:
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If you have anything you'd like to add or refute, please do, I love to talk about these things and I don't know anyone who likes this show :,D
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baixueagain · 3 years ago
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The Gendo & Rei Question, Part III
For the Intro and Part I, go here.
For Part II, go here.
Part III: The Gaze of the Prodigal Son
              Both Rei I and Rei III are “alive” for only a short period, and it is Rei II—the clone active from roughly 2014 through most of 2015—that we as the audience get to know the best. This is also the clone that has the most developed and complex relationship with Gendo, and we learn most of what we know about how Gendo views Rei as a whole from his behaviour with Rei II.
              Rei II and Gendo’s relationship during 2014-15—especially how they feel about it for themselves—is nevertheless one of the more difficult relationships to understand, since they’re two of the most mysterious characters in Evangelion. We rarely get glimpses into Rei’s point of view, and Gendo only truly speaks about his own emotional and psychological state in the final moments of his life during EoE. Even then, he only speaks of his feelings about Yui and Shinji, not Rei. In fact, he virtually never speaks to others about Rei unless he is talking about her involvement with piloting or the HIP. We only get a few glimpses of their direct interactions, and while these are highly charged with multiple layers of innuendo, those same layers of innuendo make the situation all the more opaque.
              One of the best perspectives we have on Gendo and Rei’s relationship, I argue, comes from Shinji. Granted, he’s the main character and most of the story of Evangelion is told from his point of view, but his perception of Gendo and Rei is just as valuable for another reason: he’s an outsider. NERV is by its very nature a place of secrecy and high strangeness, and it stands to reason that most of the people working there have long since become desensitized to their Commander’s odd personality quirks and the strange, solemn girl serving as his first pilot. Even Misato, who has only just recently started working in Tokyo-3 proper, has been in NERV/Gehirn’s general orbit since her childhood and thus seems fairly used to Gendo Ikari’s personality and the odd way things are done under his supervision. But now we have Shinji in the picture, who’s had minimal contact with his father and who has spent most of his life in the “normal” world, sequestered from the truth of the family business. His perspective is that of the everyman, and he is thus primed to see the unusual parts of NERV that other characters take for granted. Moreover, unlike virtually everyone else at NERV (except for Ritsuko, whose perspective I will be addressing in the future), he is uniquely invested in both Gendo and Rei as people: Gendo being his estranged father, and Rei being his co-pilot and thus someone with whom he feels a sense of camaraderie (even if he barely knows her).
              Shinji arrives at NERV shortly after Rei has a serious accident—one that he does not yet know about. His first-ever interaction with Rei happens in tandem with his first interaction with Gendo in years, and this consists of Gendo dangling a wounded, crying girl over Shinji’s head to manipulate him into piloting Unit-01. It is a brutal, cruel tactic, and Shinji seems to recognize this for exactly what it is. He has already accused Gendo of just using him (something to which Gendo openly admits); from his perspective, it at first seems that his father cares just as little for the poor young woman on the gurney who can barely stand, much less pilot.
              This viewpoint is only challenged when, unknown to Gendo, Shinji spots the burn scars covering his father’s palms in Episode 5. His reaction to being told the truth—that Gendo freed the wounded Rei from her overheated entry plug bare-handed (a scene I will discuss in later essays)—clearly stuns him after seeing the cold, calculating way Gendo used her condition to manipulate him earlier. “Father did that?” he blurts out. The concept clearly seems unbelievable to him, defying everything he thinks he knows of Gendo being a heartless, cold, selfish man.
              Interestingly enough, as Ritsuko describes Gendo’s heroic deed to Shinji, the “camera” momentarily moves outside the limits of Shinji’s perspective and shows us what Gendo is doing at that very moment. He is bare-handed (a rarity for him during the A-plot) and for once he has an open, receptive expression on his face as he examines the Angel’s core in obvious wonder and fascination. His lips almost form an excited little smile and the harsh lines of his face are softened. His naked hands touch the core gently, practically caressing it with just his bare fingertips. Considering Evangelion’s repeated use of hand- and touch-related symbolism, it is likely meant to reflect something of his inner emotional world. This is the first time during the A-plot (that is, the plot following Shinji’s perspective and experiences) in which we see Gendo with his emotional guard down. And it comes at the exact moment Shinji learns of his father’s act of self-sacrificial vulnerability for Rei’s sake.
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              The idea that his father might allow himself to be hurt for anyone is utterly alien to Shinji, and this in turn is what prompts him to become more curious about Rei. Notably, the next scene is one of immediate contrast: “The burns on his palms are from then,” says Ritsuko, recalling the searing heat of the plug. The shot instantly cuts to a young girl’s body plunging into water. It’s just a small touch, but yet another masterful moment in the way Evangelion uses visual language and careful word choices to create an unspoken discussion on themes. This, we are being told, is going to be an episode about contrasts and subversions. It will also be an episode about sex.
              The poolside scene is the first in which Rei is first explicitly treated as a sexual being—at least from others’ points of view. Shinji is teased twice about his interest in Rei, the first time by his friends Toji and Kensuke, both of whom clearly see Rei as a beautiful (if unapproachable and intimidating) girl. The two of them (being high school boys) describe her body in explicitly sexualized terms, much to Shinji’s embarrassment. At the same time, we’re treated to shots of Rei sitting quietly in her bathing suit, oblivious to their chatter. She is small and vulnerable, but her bare skin and curvy form has still been made into something with sexual energy and potential.
              Back at NERV HQ after school, Shinji watches Rei without her knowledge, still clearly curious about her. Notably, up until this point he has never seen any emotional expressions from her (unless you count her agony in Episode 1). She has kept her distance entirely, and he realizes that despite working together for at least a couple weeks now, he knows virtually nothing about her. There are no relationships in which he can observe her behaviour with others…except for Gendo.
              As he secretly watches within his cockpit, Shinji watches his father approach Rei. Rei suddenly begins acting her age in her body; instead of moving stiffly, she skips and hops eagerly down onto the walkway and begins chatting with Gendo, a cheerful smile on her face and her eyes bright and alert.
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              What’s even more shocking to Shinji, however, is Gendo: unlike the scene with the angel core, here Shinji can actually witness his father’s change in demeanour for himself. The Gendo that Shinji knows is a stern, unfeeling man whose rare expressions are that of irritation or a cruel smugness. But as Gendo chats with Rei, his eyes are soft, and a happy smile is on his face. His cheeks even look a bit flushed. Just as important is the way they’re both speaking to each other: although we can’t hear them, we can see their body language and their interaction. They are standing face-to-face, gazing into each other’s eyes, each speaking in turn. They are practically interacting like equals.
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              Is it little wonder that Shinji’s jaw is on the floor?
              As always, Anno’s masterful direction creates an unmistakable atmosphere laid across what might otherwise look like a pleasant scene. Shinji’s hidden vantage point, the oblivious radio chatter from the control room, the low single chord of background music, and the fact that we can’t hear a word that Gendo and Rei are saying: all these things contribute to the sensation that we, along with Shinji, have just witnessed something intensely private. Something that neither we nor Shinji were meant to see.
              The scene immediately following this is, once again, Shinji being teased for showing an interest in Rei—this time by two attractive older women. Again the pressure to see Rei as a sexual being is mounted, and the additional overtones of a discussion about sex between a teenager and adults is added. This rapid switch back and forth between Shinji learning about the relationship between Gendo and Rei and being repeatedly asked if he’s interested in Rei himself (all the above scenes take place over the course of about ten minutes) creates an uncomfortable dissonance that charges the episode with a confusing, unnerving sexual tension. At the same time, Rei and Gendo are explicitly brought up and compared to one another: both are terribly awkward, we are told, at life in general. 
              And that’s when the climactic scene of the episode drops on us like a N2, bringing all these interweaving themes to an awkward, disgusting, hilarious, and horrifying head. Shinji goes to Rei’s apartment to drop off her new NERV ID card. Nobody answers the door, which he finds unlocked, so he enters. The room is filthy and spartan; the girl who lives here clearly does not care much about her surroundings or her possessions.
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              But Shinji is drawn to the room’s one treasure: a pair of broken glasses carefully set on top of Rei’s dresser. We as the audience are let in on a higher degree of discomfort by knowing something Shinji does not: those once belonged to Gendo, who dropped them when he recklessly pried open the plug door to rescue Rei. Gendo is thus made extremely present in the scene to the audience, even if Shinji cannot sense him.
              I should note here the significance of Gendo’s glasses as a part of his personality. I have noted before that they are an additional layer that he puts on himself as a means of separating himself from others. Though he used to wear clear lenses, after those break he switches to tinted ones, making his expressions even harder to read and representing the increasingly rapid withdrawal of his personal investment and motivations from the rest of NERV and SEELE. His glasses frequently reflect the light, making it difficult to see his eyes even when he’s wearing the clear lenses. The direction of his gaze is thus frequently hidden, and with it his thoughts, feelings, and motives.
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              And yet the glasses reflect other things on occasion, too, informing the audience of what Gendo is looking at and what he’s concentrating on. Shots of his face thus have a doubling effect of simultaneously hiding and revealing his gaze: we can see glimpses of what he is gazing at, but only by looking directly at his face and into the glasses which reflect his vantage point. His perspective is simultaneously revealed and hidden.
              So as Shinji approaches the broken glasses on Rei’s dresser, his face is reflected in them—something we rarely (perhaps never?) see happen when Gendo is actually wearing them. His gaze on his son is thus simultaneously present and absent, accentuating the deep dichotomies of their relationship.
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              That’s when Shinji does something that feels even more shocking (almost taboo) from the viewpoint of the audience, based on our prior knowledge: he puts them on. It is an incredibly childish gesture, reminding us once again that he’s nothing more than a curious fourteen-year-old boy, but at the same moment he—in the audience’s eyes—becomes his father (emphasized by their similar physical appearance).
              And what is the first thing he sees through his father’s eyes after he turns around and looks behind himself?
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              It’s Rei, fully naked, staring back at him.
              Yet at the same time, his view of Rei is blurred and cracked, reminding us definitively that these are not his glasses.
              This, the shot suggests, is not his sight to see. This sight of Rei’s nakedness “belongs” to someone else. Already we are being told exactly what Gendo has seen, how much of it, and that he owns this sight—or at least thinks he does.
              The events that follow are on their surface hilarious due to the awkward nature of the situation, but the staging and shots used (for lack of a better word) are a recollection of the scene down in the cage: Shinji has entered in on something that he should not be witnessing, something that is not for him. Rei strides forward to seize the glasses from him, Shinji slips and topples onto her, his tote catches on her dresser drawer and sends bras and panties flying everywhere. He lands on top of her, covered  in her private items, in a slapstick missionary position with a hand on her breast—and in showing us this, the introductory focus in the pan is of her own hand clutching the glasses. Gendo’s presence is again invoked, even in this deeply awkward, intimate, and violating moment. He is the third, invisible character in this deeply sexually charged scene.
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              At the same time, this is the moment where we as an audience begin to see what makes Rei tick. She seems to have no reaction to Shinji seeing her nakedness (leading us, of course, to wonder why), but it is the first moment in which she has a direct emotional reaction to Shinji: anger. But instead of hiding herself, she walks towards him and seizes the glasses away. Shinji walking in on her bathing was not a violation in her eyes, but his wearing his father’s glasses is. Once again, we are given the uncanny message that Rei’s body is treated as a commodity—including by Rei herself. This time, however, we are given an alternative source of her identity. She does not derive her sense of self from her embodiedness, but from something more intangible, represented by the one item in her life treated with reverence: the glasses. She is given her sense of identity through Gendo’s gaze, and it is Shinji’s appropriation of this gaze that she finds violating. Even as Shinji lands on top of her, a hand on her chest, her anger is gone because the issue is resolved: she has the glasses back in her possession and Shinji is no longer invading that space (even as he inadvertently invades other spaces).
              Shinji’s next violation provokes an even stronger response. Despite the horrifically awkward event, it has at least broken the ice, and as they travel together to NERV HQ he begins trying to make conversation about their commonality: Eva piloting. This then invokes the silent third party in this entire exchange: Gendo. Rei asks if Shinji has faith in his father’s work, and when he furiously denies it, she turns, looks him square in the eyes, and slaps him hard across the face.
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              And this, of course, seems odd (even humorous) until one realizes why she perceives this as such an insult: she is his father’s work. An insult to her person is of no consequence in her eyes, but an insult to Gendo is an insult to something far more intrinsic to her identity and her emotional world. Between these two scenes, we have seen just how wrapped up Rei’s sense of identity is in Gendo, and in further essays I will argue that the reverse is true as well. Gendo cannot conceive of Rei as existing outside of himself, her identity is so deeply wrapped up in his own. If he ever did conceive of her as a separate being, he will have lost this ability by time Instrumentality arrives.
              Yet at the same time, between all these questions of identity and sexual violation, we see toward the end of the episode that there is a layer that is far more simple and human: Rei takes Gendo’s glasses with her into the entry plug when it’s time for her resynchronization, and she hangs them where she can look at them when she feels afraid.
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              Because she is, in the end, also a fourteen-year-old who wants someone to make her feel safe.
To be continued in Part IV: Green-Eyed Monsters
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fourfucksake · 4 years ago
Text
online meeting
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pairing: chris evans x black!fem!reader
warnings: cursing, stripping, masturbation
word count: 4.2k
p.s this workpiece is set in an alternative reality. this is a professor!chris one shot + i imagined y/n as a black girl, but i hope every single one of you lovely people will read!
Heaps of new policies bombarded universities since the spread of the virus. The amount of preparation and paperwork that had to be completed due to the newest conditions in the teaching system made everyone stressed to the maximum level. Perhaps, that’s why teachers communicated more during those challenging times; only those who work in the same environment can relate to your work frustrations. Individuals whom before appeared almost invisible where now your online buddies. It was quite incredible though.
Chris enjoyed the feeling of this community being available for him whenever he feels like expressing his irritations and or simply desires to moan about his dislikes. Before, he has never considered himself to be a whiner, but since everyone has been constantly moaning and pouting, he thought this is the right time to join the club.
Taking into consideration the current state of the world he was assured that everyone is a complainer right about now. He was okay with that though. No doubt, he didn’t know much about psychology, however, it seemed only logical to allow people to talk about how they feel. Also, it appeared plausible people felt scared, confused, or worried. Hey, these were very surreal times. There was no reason to make others feel bad about having emotions.
Of course, there was some resentment towards certain members of University since all the teaching went online. Sometimes, Chris felt like most of his colleagues gave rats ass about regulations and procedures that were now put in place. Instead of trying to provide the best learning experience possible, they restricted themselves to slamming all the work materials online for students to figure everything out on their own.
Personally, he found online teaching unbearable and exhausting. He hated it; there were no words to describe how much he despised it. At first it was alright; it was tolerable and doable. In a way, it was nice. Being at home, able to wake up later than early morning hours. Being with his dog and going on long walks wherever he wished. Being able to take his time with cooking, exercising, reading. All of those mentioned were exceedingly pleasant.
However, Chris chose to be a teacher. He loved spreading his knowledge around. Since an early age he would teach his younger brother; he was much help when it came to revising, essay or exam tips. This was his passion, he loved it. This pandemic undeniably took this away from him. However, there was still room to provide students with knowledge this way, and he tried extremely hard to do so in most effective ways.
For example, he did not have to orchestrate his own online meetings to be this long. Half an hour, that was a long time slot. This was planned completely on purpose. Ultimately, his desire was to provide students with the time to talk to him, express their concerns, and ask questions. Maybe he took this job way too seriously, he thought, and it wasn't needed. However, there’s always this teacher everyone likes, and Chris wanted to be precisely that guy. It wasn't some stupid ego thing, not at all. He genuinely wanted people to feel like he is there for them and wants them to succeed. Every single individual had an ability to be successful, some just needed an extra push too keep them on track. Although his own schooling experiences where genuinely pleasant, he knew he would benefit more from University experience if he had a teacher like him. Not to lick his own ass, he thought, of course.
After years of working in the schooling system no errors have ever occurred. Until last year, when the last class prior to pandemic began their college journey. Back then and there a problem has arisen – you. It was no one else than little Miss Perfect, the girl who made him look twice when she entered the room. Oh, how tiring and fatiguing crushing on you really was. Chris was always collected and focused while working, but with you in his classes he found himself distracted. Often losing his train of thought, his mind shifted to dark places when your class sat in front of him. Chris was a perfectionist, so this was, in fact, greatly infuriating for him.
He did not feel this way since high school. Back in the day he was not the coolest kid you could walk past in the corridor. Thankfully, he has never had his head shoved in the toilet, but not being bullied did not necessarily mean there’s a successful high school experience behind an average American. In his own opinion, he was just a normal kid that had nothing to show for back then.
Precisely that, being average, was now the reason behind this familiar feeling. A pretty girl, a popular girl causing vivid emotions to flush down himself. Looking at her while she does the most ordinary things was the reason behind the uncomfortable state in his pants. His hormones went ill around her, reminding him of how tough being a teenage boy with no control over his erections was. It felt so familiar, craving her this badly, almost as if he’s done it before. Maybe, in a way, he compared you to someone he crushed on for the whole duration of high school. A beautiful skin complexion, addictive smile and those big, shiny eyes staring at his soul; those qualities of yours highly reminded him of her.
Chris remembered that girl very well. He recalled being fascinated by her presence, by her strong personality, and hypnotic prettiness. Her name did not pop up in his mind for years. Until he met you. Chris had Pearl, Pearl Bennett, tattooed on his brain back then. Needless to say, it was embarrassing how annoyingly beautiful she was. Just like you. Now, he didn’t even know if she was alive, he hasn’t seen her for years. It never really bugged him then, it didn’t bug him now. It was just a pleasant memory that he was able to recollect because of you.
He wasn’t sure about your feelings towards him. Mr. Novak, his colleague, often commented on the way some students would look at him. Chris regularly heard Novak claiming that Evans could get any of “that young pussy” if he only snapped his fingers. Whether it was true or not, he had no idea. Maybe, he was just humble. Or stupid, possibly very stupid.  
The house was practically unoccupied now; his wife was dropping groceries off at her mum’s house and Dodger was nowhere to be found, most likely sleeping someplace in the house. Chris did not mind. In fact, he was relieved to have no other human being here. Since pandemic began his marriage decreased in its quality drastically. For quite some time existing relationship brought more annoyance than joy. He was not sure if it went both ways but noticing how regularly his wife exited their house in recent times it was healthy to assume the feeling was mutual.
How did he feel about his failed marriage? Weirdly, he was awfully okay with it. There was not a single part of him that cared enough to fight for this marriage any longer. Right now, all his thoughts were concentrated around another female. How she managed to look delicious without trying. How she smiled or laughed. How her faced twisted with grumpy expressions once she didn’t understand a certain concept of a lecture. Chris could go on, and on, and on.
It was not possible he could describe you in any other word than perfect. It was quite pathetic, he thought, it shouldn't be like that. Yes, you are a pretty girl and yes, no man can probably say no to you. There was just something about you, something so extraordinary that it took his breath away. What was this fascination? He wasn't sure. However, what he was positive about was that he enjoys looking at you. He enjoys listening to you. He enjoys thinking about you. He enjoys all those things way too much; he was aware of that. He was not ready to stop thinking about you just yet.
Now, sitting in front of his Mac, his eyes were focused on the screen. He wasn’t too up to date when it came to the modern technology, but he also wasn’t clueless to how to work a computer. Setting everything up, he glanced over at the previously printed list of names with time slots besides them. The list was not in alphabetical order, students had their half an hour available for the next eight hours of his life.
It would be a lie to say he was not thinking about you. He was looking forward to seeing your face, even if it’s only on the computer display. Your surname and student ID were somewhere halfway through the list. Naturally, he searched for your name straight away after the programme generated the list.
The ticking of the clock hanged on the nearby wall sounded out so clearly. Almost like a racing heart whenever one feels more strain than usual. He could feel the nervousness growing within him as the time passed. He almost felt bad for the kid who had his scheduled meeting right before you. Chris kept on stuttering, disconnecting, and asking for questions to be repeated. Unfortunately, there was no strength in him to think about the failed one-to-one since his brain was too concentrated on you. His favourite, little student.
His thought process was disrupted as a green dot appeared next to your surname, suggesting your online availability. Licking his lips and fixing his hair, his fingers position themselves on the mouse. One click and the signal began. Beep one, beep two, beep three.
“Hi, Mr. Evans!” Her bubbly voice caused Chris to smile. She waved and in response so did he. She seemed happy, her face expression indicated nothing but joy, he enjoyed it greatly. “Hi! How are you? How’s everything?” He asked with an honest curiosity, still smiling at his student. It’s been months since the last time they spoke without anyone else around. Of course, this was the first instance of them conversating in those settings, but he did not mind. Any type of physical interaction seemed impossible now and anytime soon. This was the best he could receive for a significant period for now.
Their faces didn’t shut for the first couple of minutes. Talking about the past months, Chris was quickly reminded of how smart and funny this girl infatuating really is. They seemed to be getting on well right from the first meeting. Weirdly, she had similar likes and dislikes as well as sense of humour. It was like talking to a long-term friend whom you haven’t seen in the longest time. He noticed her hair change, spotting the long knotless braids; in his opinion she looked completely stunning in this hairstyle. He was quick to comment on it and as a reply he was given a complement on his newest buzzcut.
Sadly, but still, he ended the chit chat to focus on discussing work material. Chris tried to stay on topic and somehow it was going well. For the next couple of minutes, he chatted about work. His hand travelled to the left side of his desk to glance at a list of things he wanted to mention, however, he got cut off by the voice emanating from the screen.
“Are those meetings being recorded, Mr. Evans?” She raised her eyebrows with interest spread across her face. Her back bent forward, causing her face to enlarge on his screen. “I mean like,” She continued and coughed. “Is anyone going to watch this later? Does anyone have access to this after we finish talking?” Her question expanded or rather multiplied, sounding out in Chris’ air pads. There was no denying he was conflicted about why she was asking this question. This was not his first online meeting and not a single individual showed any concern in this matter.
“Well, no, not really. If any of us wanted to report our meeting for any reason then I guess, um, I guess it is possible to reopen the video chat,” Slow nod was all he could do at this very moment. No doubt, he still was not able to understand the nature of her question. “If any of us found the other person’s behaviour concerning, rude or inappropriate then the IT services could recover this video chat.” He added in a robotic tone almost as if he were reading from the script.
“Would you want this meeting to get inappropriate, Sir?”
He chocked a little as his eyes widened. He wanted to slap himself across the face in response to his pathetic reaction. Shouldn’t the age gap mean something? Why was he behaving like he’s on her leash? Why was he this…nervous? Excited?
Assuredly, she should be the one who is intimidated, meanwhile it’s her making the first move. He wasn’t sure whether this simply comes from his politeness and gentles; obviously, momma Evans raised him to be a respectful man. It’s apparent, the fear of scaring you was blocking all his possible moves. Risk of being reported for improper behaviour in the workplace was also a worry of his, but it came nowhere near the terrifying theory of frightening you.
But here you were. Being indecent with him. And oh, how he loved it. How he enjoyed this single sentence leaving your pretty lips. Your remarks were more enjoyable and exciting than everything he has completed with the woman he married in the past year, if not longer.
Was he being delirious? Did your comment indicated what he thought it did? Possibility of his mind playing games on him was high. It’s so easy to assume things happened when you wish for them to happen.
“Do you want to make it inappropriate? Do you want me to be inappropriate with you, Sir?” A deep breath left his mouth and a shiver travelling down his spine followed. He was now sure; he did not misunderstand. This was not his imagination playing him, tricking him into believing there’s something here that does not exist. All of this was very real.
“Whatever you wanna be on this call — I’m happy with,” He managed to speak out loud, fixing himself on the chair. This was a bad idea, he thought once again, a horrible idea that could quite literally ruin his career. Was he going to stop? Prevent this from happening? No fucking way.
“Huh, you sure about that, Mr. Evans? I can get really filthy when I want. I am a naughty girl,” Your words hit him like a truck, and he couldn’t help the blood rush in his trousers. He licked his lips slowly and pressed his back onto the chair. He could say something, but he chose not to. Whatever you planned on doing suited him and there was not an ounce of interest in preventing you from doing so.
No further words were spoken. There was a moment of short silence that felt like forever. A moment for someone to back up, break this madness off. No one expressed a need nor a want to stop. She played with her nipples through her shirt before they journeyed up. The straps of her pale pink top slowly moved down her arm, his eyes patiently followed. To him, you were mesmerising. At this moment you had his whole attention.
Looking straight at him, her hands removed the top and carelessly dropped it on the floor. His eyes glued onto her as the soft material left her body completely. He tensed as his length twitched, reacting to her breasts and hard nipples. Her skin was complemented by the colour of a previously worn top but seeing her without it sent shivers down his spine.
Chris could feel the discomfort in his pants becoming unbearable, needing to expose himself immediately. With shame, but still, he slowly undid his zipper. For a while now the feeling downstairs was insufferable, pleading and begging to be uncovered by his hand. Chris gulped back the lump in his throat as he completely freed his member. The view on the screen made his dick ache, his length twitched, jumping again his tense stomach.
“Liking this?” She teased, firmly grabbing her breasts. His eyes darken when he took in all her naked presence. The way she touched herself, he wanted that too. He wanted to feel her nipples between his fingers. He ached to be close to her.
“I wanna see all of you,” His words escaped his mouth, hand firmly grabbing his cock. Without shame nor hesitation his member was stroked, slowly and decisively, as his back leaned on the chair comfortably.
She was quick to listen. So submissive, he though, hand still firmly hugging his man part. He observed as she stood up, taking a few steps back. Still looking at Chris, her body turned around in a circle. Her moves were slow, very captivating, making Chris feel like every single movement was in slow motion. He already adored her body.
Her hands roamed around her own body before she slipped her hand inside her shorts and panties. Subtle movements of her hands indicated she’s pleasuring herself right in front of him. By her expressions, he was able to conclude that she’s enjoying herself. She didn’t play with herself for too long. Pulling the defiant material down as her eyes travelled to his, she exposed herself completely. He felt his mouth dry at a sigh of her bare body. She gave him a sultry look, realising the power she now held over him.
“Is this how you like me, Mr. Evans?” She broke of the silence, still exposing her hot flesh. It took Chris a couple of second to even register the question, his imagination run too wild to focus now. “Do I like you naked? It’s certainly a more thought-provoking image than how I usually view you,” He teased, slightly raising the corner of his lips in a smug smile.
Licking his lips once again, he watched as she took a box from underneath her bed. It was a regular box, nothing fancy. Taking off the lid her hand searched inside for a short moment before pulling out a pink dildo. Suiting, he thought, always liking this colour on her. He admired how her skin tone was complemented by the shade.
“I love imagining it’s your cock fucking me instead of my dildo,” She said completely unprovoked, making Chris widen his eyes. They did something naughty, something filthy, yet this comment really threw him off. “I’m gonna show you how I play with myself when I think of you,” She added and waisted no time before sitting on the bed. Chris had to admit, he spotted the bed straight away when the call started. Picturing himself laying there, you next to him, he took some time imagining the wicked scene you two could create on that mattress.
“I will show you how much, how much I love picturing us together,” Her seductive voice reached Chris’ ears, his interest growing with every single second. There was this unexplainable fear within him at this very moment, fearing she is going to stop. He was helpless now, he needed her to entertain him long enough for him to reach satisfaction.
Licking his lips once again, he watched as she took a box from underneath her bed. It was a regular box, nothing fancy. Taking off the lid, her hand searched inside for a short moment before pulling out a pink dildo. Suiting, he thought, always liking this colour on her. He admired how her skin tone was complemented by the shade.
“I want you to watch,” His student said firmly, staring right at him. The sound of a dildo followed. Chris’ breath was caught in his throat straight from the anticipation of the next step she’s going to undertake. With hunger, Chris watched as she teased herself, rubbing her clit. The toy fondly slid inside of her, resulting in her lewd sounds and Chris’ silent moan.
Her nipples were hard, her unoccupied hand coming up to fondle them both whilst her bottom lip was taken hostage by her teeth. She was really enjoying herself; Chris could tell. The bed made a squeaky noise every time she moved. The call was so clear, thank God, he was able to enjoy every motion of hers. The moans, whimpers and groans escaping her pretty lips as she fucked herself with a toy. The quality of the video chat was good, but not great. He wanted to see her in full HD, he wanted to see the details. For now, though, viewing this was enough. This was damn good, so good. Those desperate hand movements, stuffing the length as deep as she could, it drove him insane. Oh, how he wanted to stretch her out like no one did before.
“Just like that, baby,” He groaned, squeezing his hard cock. He was conversating with you through moans, examining you as the vibrations caused tingles in your lower department. He couldn’t feel it, but he knew her pussy was throbbing and pulsing, desperate for more length to enter. His body parts were no different; his balls felt heavy and his dick was hard as a rock, begging for a dream release.
The heat began to grow within his body with each and every movements of hers. She kept him going, moaning his name, calling him daddy, reminding him who she’s pulling this show for. If only she had any idea what it did to him. A shaky hand wrapped around his length made rapid movements, fighting for his orgasm to arrive. Watching her, listening to her, it was magical. This craze he had within him, this fixation she caused – it was obsessive. A loud scream, her thighs closing on the pink toy and her eyes shut while she orgasmed was enough, it was everything.
The feeling of euphoria intensely swept through him as a creamy load exploded in his hand. She could not see it, but he knew she felt it. All that left his mouth was a silent “fuck” as he collected his breathe. Chris was in pieces, still processing previous events. It was now clear to him how he pleaded for that orgasm to happen, how he needed it. He was embarrassed to admit how strong, how intense, the load bursting onto his hand really was. Lucky for him, no one knew anything about it but him and himself.  
„You liked this little show of mine, daddy?” Her voice awakened his senses, causing his mouth to water once again. She caught him looking at his crotch, now surely convinced what happened. She removed the toy from her body, a silent whimper followed. She threw it away on the bed like it was nothing, like it did not help them both cum just minutes ago.
“So much baby, so much. Can you show me s’more? One more time,” He breathed, looking at her with lust. She obeyed, without hesitation; her body rose from the bed and did a slow, full 360 to demonstrate her delectable features. Maybe, he was delusional, but he was sure her juices travelled down her leg. If he were right next to her, his tongue would have taken care of that.
“See you in a seminar, right, Mr. Evans?” Her sweet voice rang in his ears followed by his quick nodding. He had a chance to see her collecting the missing wardrobe that she then put on right before him. Chris could not help but notice her shaky legs. She sat down in the exact same position as before. She reached for a cup, drinking, and sipping the liquid through a straw. Now, she was back to her regular self, looking innocent once again. It slightly woke him up, brought half of him to reality.
“Yes, Miss. I will see you there. Be good, huh?” Chris said casually or at least he tried to do so. He was caught by surprise, convinced that he’s going to slur over his words more. He caught a glimpse of her eyes, forming as much of an eye contact as possible through the processor. Her current thoughts seemed impenetrable to him, although he always thought he’s amazing at reading facial cues.
“Me and you both know - I won’t.”
The last words of his current interest sounded from his Mac. Sending him a flirty wink before pressing the right button, she terminated the call. The intense orgasm left his hand still somewhat shaking. Eyes focused on the screen, he looked like he was awaiting another glimpse of her to come back.
Chris’ ecstatic state wasn’t quick to falter. It took another couple of minutes for him to do anything. Literally, anything. He was already late for the next meeting, which he felt absolutely no remorse for. His eyes lowered to look at the mess he produced; his mind displeased as he had realised, he needs to move to clean it.
Once again, it was just him and his usual surroundings. The call was over, just like that, almost as if it never happened. Despite his deepest longing, he could not go back to what just happened, he could not relive it. Your moans and whimpers performed in his head like a favourite song one would put on replay without a hesitation. He was craving more, his fingers curled into fists as he felt his cock hardening again. He was not sure what his next moves in this matter will be, but he was more than sure he needed to be inside this beautiful body.
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today-only-happens-once · 5 years ago
Text
In Place
Title: In Place
Word Count: 4274
Summary: A year later, Roman returns to the Sanders’ abode for Christmas. And maybe he’s still trying to figure out where he’s supposed to fit. Companion piece/Sequel to Homeward but can be read separately. Romantic!Parents!Logicality, familial!LAMP
Warnings: Feeling out of place. Fluff. Christmas clichés and tropes. Occasional undercurrents of angst, but it’s mostly holiday found-family fluff, tbh. Patton is Latinx in this but it’s only really mentioned in passing.
A/N: Is this chock full of clichés and tropes? Yes. Am I sorry for that? Nope. Do I have mixed feelings about how this fic actually turned out? Yep. C’est la vie. Happy holidays!
December 23. 10:43 AM.
Roman looks over, his mouth quirking into a small, appreciative smile as Logan hands him a mug full of a steaming liquid. Roman’s folded up in the chair by the window, watching the late morning snowfall drift in large, lazy flakes towards the blanket of snow already on the ground. His first snowfall—in the middle of the night outside a broken down car with Virgil—flickers through his mind for not the first time in the past week.
Had that really been a year ago?
“Thanks, Mr. Sanders,” Roman says. A quick glance and deep inhale of the contents of the mug indicate it is coffee. He takes a tentative sip, an odd and unexpected note of affection squeezing his chest as he realizes that they remembered his usual of three spoonfuls of sugar.
Logan inclines his head. “You are welcome.” He has a mug in his own hand—and the faint scent of coffee drifts in the air around them. “How did you sleep?”
“Long,” Roman replies with a sheepish smile. “But it was good.”
The corner of Logan’s mouth twitches in something like amusement. “Still not as long as Virgil.” He glances towards the stairs and shakes his head.
Roman laughs a little. Virgil had yet to emerge from his room today. The college student quickly brushes the bangs falling into his eyes back into his hair. The brief moment of calm is interrupted by the sound of music drifting into the living room from the kitchen: a song that Roman recognizes as soon as the trumpet line kicks in, even before the lyrics.
“Feliz navidad. Feliz navidad. Feliz navidad, prospero año y Felicidad.”
Patton suddenly appears from around the kitchen doorway, dancing and singing along into a whisk. He’s in blue pajama pants and a gray t-shirt with a cartoon cat on the front. Roman can’t help the smile that breaks across his face, and though Logan rolls his eyes as Patton dances his way towards him, the spark of affection is evident. Almost as if it’s routine, Logan sets his mug of black coffee down on the side table right before Patton grabs his hand and pulls him into a dance in the middle of the living room.
Roman sips his own drink and watches them. Patton continues to sing in Spanish, and Logan matches his dancing at every step. Roman thinks it might be salsa. Or merengue. He doesn’t remember much from his dance lesson days. Logan and Patton, though, are actually…. Quite good.
Roman laughs as Virgil emerges from the stairs a moment later, confusion and bewilderment flashing shamelessly across his face as his dads dance to “Feliz Navidad” in the living room. Patton glances over towards the foot of the stairs and grins. Virgil shakes his head, says something about “too early for this”, and turns as if to go back upstairs.
Patton breaks from Logan and grabs Virgil’s hand. “C’mon, kiddo”, Patton chimes brightly at the same time that Logan says something about it being “nearly 11 o’clock”. Virgil trips a little as his dad pulls him to join the two of them dancing. Virgil lets his dad spin him around once and then stumbles his way towards the kitchen with a barely contained smile and a note about making sure breakfast doesn’t burn.
He shrugs his shoulders at Roman from across the room before he disappears through the kitchen doorway.
Patton rolls right into Logan’s anticipating arms as they dance together again until the song ends. Logan presses a small kiss to Patton’s head as the song fades out.
“You guys are really good,” Roman says.
Patton grins. “Thanks, kiddo.”
“I suppose it is mostly Patton’s side of the family to thank for that,” Logan adds as he returns to his coffee cup on the table beside Roman. “Patton has known how to dance like that for as long as I’ve known him. I picked up a few things from his family over the years.”
Patton leans over and kisses Logan’s shoulder. “You also took dance lessons before our wedding to surprise me. I’m sure that helped, too.”
Logan hums noncommittally. “The wedding was nearly exclusively your family, after all. The last thing I wanted was to embarrass myself. Dance lessons seemed like a practical investment, given the situation.”
Virgil’s voice from the kitchen interrupts the conversation. “So what’s the plan for today?”
“Shopping, I believe,” Logan calls back to him. “Patton and I have a few more things to get. You and Roman are welcome to come along.”
Roman glances outside again. From his position in the chair, he can see down the street a ways to the corner. Mr. Picani’s inflatable snowman is in the same position it was from Roman’s exhausted memory last year. Across the street, two small children are having a snowball fight. Roman snorts when he sees a man emerge from the front door—bundled up in a coat, scarf, hat, and gloves—wielding a nerf gun. The two children shriek excitedly and take off running towards the back yard.
It leaves an odd feeling in Roman’s chest.
“I’m down,” Virgil replies. “Roman? You in?”
Roman blinks and looks back at Logan and Patton. Patton tilts his head, his brow furrowing in something like concern. Roman offers what he hopes is a reassuring smile. “Yeah. I’m in.”
December 23. 4:10 PM.
Roman grabs a glass ornament from the vendor’s table and turns it over gently in his hand. The cold December air causes the breath of wonder that escapes his lips at the intricately designed object to form a small cloud in front of his face. Roman tucks his nose a little further into his scarf.
“That’s hand-blown,” the vendor—an elderly gentleman with frazzled gray hair and pink cheeks—tells him.
“It’s beautiful,” Roman tells him sincerely. He sets it gingerly down in the box he’d pulled it from. He glances over his shoulder as the bell above the door to the puzzle shop jingles, signaling Patton’s emergence from it. He looks left, then right, then crosses the walkway towards the ornament stand that Roman and Virgil had been perusing. Virgil, at the other corner of the table from Roman, looks up as his dad approaches.
“Is your father nearby?”
Virgil eyes the not-at-all-subtle way that Patton is hiding something beneath his jacket. He shakes his head. “I think he went to the bookstore to get something for Corbin and Sloane. Why?”
Patton pulls a blue plastic bag from beneath his gray coat and opens it. Virgil peers in. “I got your father that hand-carved chess set he’s been eyeing for a few months. I’m gonna go hide it in the car. I’ll be right back.” He gives a bright smile to Roman before rushing off towards the parking lot.
Virgil shoves his hands into the pockets of his black coat and crosses the few steps towards Roman. “Dad is terrible at hiding things. He gets lucky that father doesn’t really go looking.”
Roman’s mouth quirks into an almost-smile. “Didn’t you say something about one of them eating part of that gingerbread kit last year?”
“That was dad.” Roman doesn’t miss the look of warm affection in Virgil’s eyes, even as they both start walking towards a bench to take a seat. They pass by a chestnut stand and the earthy scent is almost enough for Roman to forget just how cold it is outside.
A father wearing a Santa hat with a young girl dressed like Elsa on his shoulders passes by. Roman gives her a deep bow before he takes a seat on the bench, and the girl grins brightly at him, giving him a regal wave in return. He sees Virgil glance at him out of the corner of his eye, but he doesn’t say anything. Neither does Roman. Instead, the two of them sit in companionable silence and watch families, couples, and individuals bustle around for their last-minute Christmas gifts.
People watching had always left Roman feeling vaguely uncomfortable, especially around the holidays. In the back of his mind, he realizes it’s mostly when he notices families and couples holding hands that he gets that odd feeling in his chest again. He doesn’t know what it means. It’s like a part of him is reaching out for something that he cannot find, or that he does not know how to name.
“Don’t think so hard, Princey,” Virgil chimes lightly. “You might blow a fuse.”
Roman huffs an affronted breath. “Excuse you, thinking is my specialty.”
“Is that what you were doing when you sang Mariah Carey at the top of your lungs that one Thursday—”
“As a matter of fact, it was!”
“All the more reason you should do less of it, then.”
“Oh, you’re one to talk, Charlie Frown.” There’s no real bite in Roman’s voice. The familiarity of the banter with Virgil eases some of the discomfort from a moment ago. Virgil pulls his hands out of his pockets to hold them up in mock surrender.
When he really thinks about it, Roman figures it’s a bit of an odd relationship. Just over a year ago, Roman really only knew Virgil as someone from his English 100 class. Now? Well. Roman considers Virgil his best friend. It had been a fast year: a whirlwind of undergraduate classes and exams and papers, a summer internship for Roman in New York with a magazine and one for Virgil at home with a graphic design company. They’d visited each other twice that summer, and though Roman would never admit it, he was certain that was the only thing that kept him sane.
The start of their sophomore year, Roman and Virgil both had abysmal roommates and elected to move in together. More tests, more essays, more stress. Another set of finals. And then suddenly it was Christmas break. And Virgil had acted like the idea that Roman was going with him to Maine was a given—something that was really saving grace for Roman, who wouldn’t have dared to ask.
From his very first time meeting them a year ago, Roman loved Virgil’s dads. They were everything his parents hadn’t been, and a shining example of the kind of love Roman hoped to find with a guy one day himself. But every time Roman was near Virgil and his parents…. It left an odd weight on his shoulders. As if Roman was trying to squeeze into a space he wasn’t actually wanted in.
“What?” Virgil asks suddenly, from beside him.
“What?”
Virgil shrugs, his gaze flickering back to look at the people bustling by when Roman looks over to meet his gaze. “I know that look, Roman.”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
Virgil arcs an eyebrow and looks at him again. “They’re glad you’re here. They’re not just, like… tolerating it, or whatever. You know that, right?”
Roman freezes for a second, then tries to recover. “Who? My adoring fanbase?” He waves at a baby that is staring at him with huge eyes beneath a beanie cap in a stroller as his mother talks with a friend.
But for some reason, Virgil doesn’t seem willing to let it go. “My dads.”
Roman glances quickly at him. “I know.”
“Do you?”
Virgil’s question doesn’t get answered as they both see Logan emerge from the bookshop with a bag in his hands and starts towards them. Roman finds himself grateful for the interruption. But he doesn’t miss the quick glance that Virgil throws his way anyway.
December 23. 8:01 PM.
Patton stands in the middle of the living room, the lights from the Christmas tree reflecting in the lens of his glasses, and steeples his fingers in front of his face. He looks thoughtfully at the otherwise bare tree, and Roman can see the wheels of thought turning in his head from his position on the couch.
“I think,” he says slowly, “that it needs more lights—”
“Absolutely not,” Logan interrupts flatly and immediately. “Patton, you put six strands of lights on that tree. I draw the line at seven.”
Virgil snorts from where he’s sitting at the bottom of the steps. He’s got both hands wrapped around a steaming mug of hot chocolate. Roman’s sits on the coffee table. He likes to let his marshmallows soak for a moment before he drinks it. He’s got a red blanket pulled across his lap.
“We do have one more strand,” Virgil says with a mischievous look in his eyes. “Seems like it would be a waste to just not put it on the tree at this point.”
Logan shoots a look at his son as Patton gasps. “Exactly! We can’t have one lonely strand left, Logan.”
Logan releases a long, suffering sigh, but even he can’t contain the faint glimmer of amusement in his eyes as he looks otherwise stoically at his husband. “Very well. Why you insist on personifying inanimate objects but refuse to do so when it resembles a human form, I may never understand—”
“Is this still about me eating the gingerbread man last year?”
A beat of silence. “Perhaps.”
“He’s made of gingerbread, Logan.” Patton grabs the strand left untangled on the floor and hands one end to his husband. “He wants to be eaten. It makes him feel fulfilled.”
“I see.”
Patton and Logan work together to wrap and connect the final strand of lights around the base of the tree. Patton beams, satisfied at their work, as Logan steps around and snakes an arm around his husband’s waist, pulling him in and kissing the top of his head. He then turns his attention to the green storage container sitting beside the coffee table. He pops the lid off to reveal it’s contents—shrouded in brown and tissue paper. Ornaments. Apparently, sentimental ones.
Virgil pulls himself to his feet as Logan sits on the couch and Patton sits cross-legged on the floor. Roman decides to take his cue from his friend and tosses the blanket off his legs, standing up as well.
“Aw, I remember this one!” Patton exclaims as he unwraps one of the ornaments. “Logan, this was from the first time we spent Christmas together.”
Logan gingerly takes the square ornament from his husband’s hands and dangles it from one of his fingers. Roman can see a picture of Patton and Logan together inside of it. “Yes,” Logan muses. “I remember this. We were sophomores in college. You’d heard about my… situation and asked if I wanted to join you for the holidays.” He casts a quick but gentle look at his husband before turning his attention to the tree and carefully selecting a branch to loop through the string.
“And this was from our vacation two years ago,” Patton explains, carefully finding the hook at the top to hand off to Virgil.
Virgil makes a face as he takes it. “Was this from that one middle-of-nowhere restaurant that gave me food poisoning?”
Logan studies it for a moment from across the room, then pushes the frame of his glasses up his nose a bit. “No,” he says. “That one is from the Christmas Tree farm in Vermont that your dad wanted to stop at in the middle of July.”
“It’s never too early to celebrate Christmas—Oh!” Patton cuts himself off as he unwraps the tissue paper from another one. “Virge, remember this?” Patton brandishes the blue and purple sphere to show his son before he hands it off to Roman.
Roman takes it reverently, arching an eyebrow at Virgil. The corner of Virgil’s mouth quirks in an affectionate smile at the object in Roman’s hands. “Yep,” Virgil says.
“It was the first Christmas gift you ever got me,” Patton says. “Your first year with us.”
Virgil huffs a faint, embarrassed laugh. “Not my best gift.”
“You had only known us for a few months,” Logan replies. “We were all getting to know one another still. You could not have been expected to get a particularly personal gift. And besides, it now holds significant sentimental value.”
Roman glances down at it. It was relatively unassuming—a perfect sphere, swirls of blue and purple colors, and the year it was bought printed in silver calligraphy—but Roman is careful when he hangs it off a branch. He loops the pine through the yarn tied at the top of it and stops a moment to ensure it will hold securely before he turns his attention away from it. Patton is already explaining and reminiscing about another ornament that he’s slowly handing off to Logan.
Roman can tell from the fond if slightly rote responses from Logan and Virgil that Patton’s rehashing of memories through these ornaments was probably a regular event whenever they decorated the tree. Roman hardly minds. He listens to Patton’s stories with more than polite silence—he enjoys them. Last year, Patton and Logan had waited until Virgil was there to decorate the tree as well. But Roman had elected to help Patton with some things in the kitchen so that he could lead the tree decorating. He hadn’t really elected to take part in it.  
He felt like he was witnessing a surprisingly intimate moment with this family and the odd feeling from early returns to his chest. It squeezes a little harder this time, and Roman feels out of place and uncertain. Like he’s intruding.
“I think that’s it,” Patton says nearly an hour later, peering into the empty storage box from his place on the floor.
“Hold on,” Virgil says. “I’ve got one more.” The college student rushes from around the tree and disappears up the stairs. Logan quirks an eyebrow at Roman, who simply shakes his head. He has no idea what Virgil is talking about.
Moments later, Virgil comes back down the steps. Hanging from his forefinger is a gold string loop fastened to a small ornament. A red car. One that looks remarkably like—
“Wait,” Roman says, frowning.
“Look, it’s the closest I could find,” Virgil says with a slight shrug. “It’s supposed to be Maximus.”
Roman stares at Virgil, confused. He, evidently, isn’t the only one. “The horse from Tangled?” Patton asks from behind them, having not moved from his position sitting cross-legged on the floor.
“My car,” Roman replies, but he still doesn’t understand. Why did Virgil get an ornament version of his car?
Virgil carefully threads it onto one of the few unadorned branches towards the top of the tree. “Yeah,” he replies easily. “A reminder of last year. Your first Christmas with us.”
Roman stares at it as Virgil steps back to survey the addition. Roman feels his friend nudge him with his elbow, but he can’t speak past the sudden lump in his throat. He doesn’t think he’d trust himself to speak right now anyway.
“I think it’s great,” Patton chimes in thoughtfully. “I had been looking for some way to add you to our Christmas memories when we were shopping today but nothing seemed to fit.”
Logan gives an affirming nod. “Agreed. I had been doing the same without success. Although sentimental ornaments are, admittedly, not my strong suit. That is a more than satisfactory addition to the family Christmas tree.”
“More than satisfactory?” Virgil quips teasingly. “Well, now you know you’re an approved Sanders.” Logan rolls his eyes in response.  
But Roman still doesn’t know what to say. The red car ornament looks like it fits. It blends into the wide assortment of random objects and shapes that had been turned into ornaments full of meaning and memory. And all Roman can do is look at it and realize that they all wanted to place Roman amidst that smattering of love put on display in their living room.
“I… are you sure?” Roman finds himself asking, in a voice that sounds too small to be his own.
He’s not really asking about the ornament. An ornament is a temporary seasonal decoration but it feels very permanent to Roman. A part of him tries to tell himself that he’s reading too much into it, but he knows. He listened to Patton share memories about every single object on that tree, he saw the warmth in all of their eyes with each one that got added and Roman knows—even if a part of him wants to deny it—that being added to this tree signifies a lot more than just. Decoration.
So he asks. Are you sure?
“Of course we’re sure, kiddo,” Patton says as he pushes himself to his feet. He steps up beside Roman and wraps an arm around his shoulders, pulling him in for a moment.
“Roman,” Logan adds, both serious and uncharacteristically gentle, “you have a place here. With us. For as long as you want it.” Startled, Roman glances at Virgil’s father. There’s something aged and knowing in his eyes and Roman suddenly feels more seen than he has in a very, very long time. He blinks quickly against the heat in his eyes and tries to clear his throat.
“I…” Roman tries.
“And we hope you’ll want it for a long time,” Patton adds with a small squeeze to Roman’s shoulders. “Because like it or not, you’re part of this family now. The tree is just…” Patton trails off, waving a hand at it, seemingly at a loss for how to explain his point.
“It’s a symbol,” Virgil adds in. “Of what’s already been true for a while now.” He’s giving Roman a quiet, knowing look. Almost a placid I told you so.
Roman casts a look towards Virgil and hopes he understands everything he isn’t sure how to say in this moment. “Thank you,” Roman says, despite the gap between the words and what he means behind them. They are the only words that come to mind. He wishes he could think of more.
Patton laughs slightly—warm and reassuring—and gives Roman one more squeeze before he lets go. Roman glances at Logan, seeing him smile faintly and incline his head. There’s a brief pause of silence before Virgil jumps in.
“So. About that gingerbread house?”
December 24. 9:40 PM.
“Roman! Get in here!”
Roman rolls his eyes at Virgil’s teasingly aggressive shout from the living room, then laughs at Patton’s immediate admonishment. He finishes pouring the popcorn into the large bowl before tossing the bag into the trash.
“You got it?” Logan asks, standing beside him as he slides the tray of hot chocolates off the counter to balance on his arms. Roman has to stop himself from laughing at the man—Roman wasn’t sure he’d ever quite get used to seeing Virgil’s father in a unicorn onesie. But somehow, Patton had convinced them all to wear them in the name of tradition.
Roman’s had been a slightly-early Christmas present from Patton. His new Beauty and the Beast themed garment was now his favorite thing he owned.
Roman picks up the bowl and nods. “Yeah. I’m good. You good?” He nods to the tray balanced across Logan’s arm.
Logan smiles. “I have enough practice from my barista days. Let’s not keep them waiting any longer.”
The two of them head out from the kitchen and into the living room. Virgil is sitting on the floor in his skeleton onesie with a violet blanket pulled across his lap. Patton sits on the floor beside him—in a cat onesie of his own—and thanks Logan when his husband hands him one of the mugs from the tray. Roman sits on the couch, folding his legs up as he lowers the bowl of popcorn into Virgil’s lap in front of him. There’s an exchange of mugs, snacks, and light teasing as everyone settles in.
“So what are we watching?” Roman asks as Logan loads the DVD.
“Muppets Christmas Carol.” Patton reaches for the remote to adjust the volume up a bit in preparation.
“It’s the best of all worlds,” Virgil adds in.
“Yes,” Logan muses, padding to the light-switch to turn off the lights in the room as the movie starts up. “Virgil’s favorite holiday story is Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. Patton’s fond of the Muppets. I appreciate some of the more sophisticated humor. And I have a feeling you will be fond of the music in this movie.”
“Watching this is a tradition,” Patton adds. “We just didn’t get to last year given… circumstances.”
Virgil cranes his neck back to look at Roman on the couch above him as Logan takes a seat beside Roman. “That’s one thing about this family. So. Many. Traditions. So get ready. There’s no going back now.” He says it lightly. Easily. And Roman knows without asking that Virgil is a far cry from complaining about it.  
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Roman says with a small but sincere smile. “I’m right where I want to be.”
He sees Logan smile a bit from behind his mug as he takes a sip. Patton glances over at him. “Good. You’re a perfect fit.”
Tags:
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szopenhauer · 4 years ago
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Did the last person you kissed celebrate your last birthday with you? no
Who is the person you would least like to be stuck in a lift with? Why? smelly drunk puking rapist murderer - do I really have to explain? If your parents looked in your inbox and read your messages, would they find out anything you didn’t want them to know? my sexts Have you cried at all during the past week? ... When was the last time you felt disappointed? What was the reason? now, no comment Who was the last person you had an argument with? how would you feel if that person never spoke to you again? both good and bad
Do you like forks with three metal pokers, or four? I don’t care Would you ever wear a hat with cat ears on it? I already do 
Have you ever eating raw sugar by itself? when I was a kid I was stealing it from my grandma’s sugar-bowl  Do you paint your left or right hand fingernails first? I don’t recall but probably left as I’m righty What about for your feet? not that I paint them but whatever What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done? hmm... Do you think fish are cute? some can be If you found an ant on your food, would you still eat it? doubt it How much do you weigh? 42 kg now
What was the shortest amount of time you’ve known someone before you’ve dated them? but dates or relationship?
Do you have any theatrical experience? If so, what have you done? just school
Don’t you hate it when people talk about their relationships constantly? every subject you talk about constantly is getting on my nerves tbh
Is there anything you need to say to anyone? I don’t know how/what/if I should/want to
If you could have anyone to do your eulogy, who would it be and why? my dad
If given the choice, would you rather go to Subway or a Chinese restaurant? Subway
Do your neighbors annoy you in any way? many ways
Whose car were you in last? I was in a taxi
How late did you stay up last night? I barely slept at all because of cannula/venflon and feeling like I’m choking, also noise and anxiety
What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon? coming home 
Who did you last see in person? mom
When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you? today (my father)
What is on your wrists right now? finally nothing and that feels weird, I constantly want to fix my ID wristband but it’s not there anymore
Where did you get the shirt you’re wearing? second hand - it has an elephant and Perfectly imperfect written on it
Do you like clowns? very
Are you listening to anything at the moment? I am
Do you twitch when your falling asleep? it happens at times but only rarely
Are your dishes in the dishwasher clean or dirty? we don’t own a dishwasher
Are you at home or with friends more often? home and I like it that way
Would you date someone 15 years older than you? noooo
Do you own a strapless bra? nah
How are you feeling at this exact moment? it’s complicated
Are you someone who worries too often? absolutely
Do you ever wonder how other people see you? obvi
What is one good thing you’re known for? How about one bad thing? don’t ask me
Are you taller than most? lmfao 
Are you the type of person who likes to be out or home? take a guess...
Has anyone ever said i love you to you and not meant it? it seems
Do you regret going out with the last person you did? going out as dating or just spending time with somebody outside?
When was the last time you showered? few days ago because I couldn’t move my arm :( 
Who did you last talk to in person? my mother
Do you ever have days where you just don’t do anything? yeah
Have you ever been extremely tired but refused to go to sleep? hahaha
What’s the longest amount of time you’ve been stuck in traffic? not sure
What area of math are you best at? Worst? dunno
How do you feel when you meet someone with the same music taste as you? only Dorota had similar taste in music to mine not counting my current gf’s love towards 80s songs that we share
How often do you “half-ass” things (put little effort in)? often?
Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? yes
Has a teacher ever made you hate yourself/your work? sure
What’s something that makes you incredibly nervous? everything?...
If you don’t have glasses, how would you feel if you had to get them? mixed feelings
If you do have glasses, how would you feel if you didn’t need them anymore? -
Have you ever considered going to art school? I have considered and am slightly regretting that I didn’t
How quickly can you write an essay? depends
Favorite episode of Spongebob? it’s not my fav but I remember the one where Spongebob painted the room most (why tho?)
Do you have any silly/odd emotional connections to anything/anyone? would say so
Do you play with your phone in awkward situations? I might
Do u own a rolling pin?: u don’t? :o
What’s your ideal indoor temperature?: never checked 
Does your kitchen have a theme?: ... apparently poop is the theme 
Are u a pack rat?: mhm
What’s the grossest thing u have found in your food?: bug, hair, piece of plastic...
Do u like ice cream sandwiches?: why not
Ever worn a flower in your hair?: for a moment
What surgeries have u had?: none 
What health problems do u have?: what health problems I don’t have?...
Do u like to sleep in?: yasss
Don’t ya just hate foot cramps? who likes those? 
Would you say you have an infectious laugh? not really Shouldn’t you be doing something else right now? omg thx for a reminder :o What is something you worry about often? every single thing Do you walk fast or slow? compared to?... Would you consider yourself healthy? Both mind and body. not at all Does sitting in waiting rooms drive you insane? not as much as majority of people, I can wait for a long time when I see the point and don’t feel the worst, I don’t need much entertainment to not get bored What form of public transport do you use most often? bus Would you consider yourself an adrenaline junkie? the opposite Have you ever been arrested? If so, why? I’m an angel Do you ever put sticky notes around the place to remind yourself of things? I have shitload of notes but they’re not sticky  Would you eat a spider for $50? hell no Would you rather be a kangaroo or a koala? koala Are you easy to talk to? am I? Can you juggle with more than two items? I can’t juggle with one item pfft At airports do you ever worry your luggage won’t arrive? scary but luckily I don’t travel by plane What other windows have you currently got opened? fb, youtube, tumblr drafts, google translator and google searching Who else is in the same building as you? my parents Would you like a penny farthing bicycle? maybe Would you ever consider visiting Ireland? what for? Would you like to visit Venice? no thx Did you ever eat leaves when you were a kid? my sister did Do you have any flags in your house? we occasionally put polish flag on balcony Are there any ‘keep off the grass’ signs where you live? just don’t throw trash on the ground on cemetery Have you ever walked on the grass with such a sign? that’s rude unless you really didn’t notice or had no choice Are you double-jointed? could say so At school which area of science did you prefer: biology/chemistry/physics? definitely not physics Which did you prefer between geography/history? neither Have you ever driven a tractor? didn’t have an opportunity  Does the smell of the countryside bother you? animal shit does Do you drink more water or juice? water 
Sweater weather or tank top weather? Which do you prefer. I like it hot, I hate winter but I enjoy sweaters Is there a cat in the room you’re in right now? stuffed only Do you enjoy going to the movies? prefer to watch movies at home
Are you an animal lover? I admire from afar How tall are you? according to my doctor I lost 2 cm  Is there anything you want to ask anyone right now? God  Are you gay, straight, bi, lesbian, asexual, or not sure? asexual/lesbian Are you more negative or more positive? negative Have you made any life altering decisions lately? I’m deciding
Do you have any songs currently stuck in your head? not atm Have you made a CV? several Where is the last place you applied for a job? (If you have) which was the last one... Are you photogenic? I’m ugly
What are you listening to right now? stopped because family member is asleep What are you going to do tomorrow? shopping if anything
Have you ever been judged on something you wore? been bullied
Think QUICK what word begins with c? clown :D
Are you a funny person? I believe  Be honest, do you go for looks more or personality? personality is more important but I’m picky
Are you a flirty person? a bit
Are you homophobic? I’m homo myself so...
How would you react if someone said you ruined their life? I know I ruin everybody’s lives
If you’re home alone, do you still close/lock the door when you use the bathroom? I don’t lock ‘em even when I’m not alone
What’s the stupidest song you’ve listened to today? nothing stupid
How is your hair currently styled? it’s dirty and after this survey I will wash my head finally
Do you ever stay up late just to be awake oh well...
Would you ever write a letter to someone you haven’t met yet, like your future spouse? I don’t think so
Would you rather spend the day watching movies or on an intense hike? entire day just one thing?!
Are you stressed about anything? always Have you ever stood on a frozen solid body of water? too dangerous for me Are you one of those people who take like, 50 Facebook quizzes at a time? whoops :x What’s on your bed? it’s so clean/empty that it freaks me out Are you texting anyone? no longer
Did your last beverage contain caffeine? it was just water
Did you get any friend requests on Facebook today? did not
What’s your least favourite song by your favourite artist? for example - one of my fav bands - Queen - I dislike Radio Gaga and We will rock you
What’s your best friend’s middle name? no middle name!
Who was the last person to comment on your Facebook status? my partner
If the person you miss turned up at your door now, how would you react? woah wtf
Where were you THREE hours ago? in here
What are you wearing right now? my leggings with colorful heart pattern
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? parent
Have you bought any clothing items in the last week? I got two shirts and socks 
What day is tomorrow? Friday
Do you remember the first person you ever kissed? we’re together now again
Ever use someone else’s toothbrush? that’s disgusting, don’t!
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surveys-at-your-service · 5 years ago
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Survey #242
“i don’t miss you, i miss the misery.”
How many pairs of converse shoes do you own? Hm... three or four? Any other names your parents planned to give you? The only one I *think* I remember is Katelyn. Thank fuck I dodged that bullet. Which is the most beautiful place you know? The mountains between NC and TN, if I remember correctly. I was very young. What do you work with? I don't work period & I hate it. Have you ever hit an animal with your car? Thank Christ no. Favorite ride at the amusement park? I guess ferris wheels. Favorite beauty essential in your bathroom cabinet? I don't have a "favorite" considering I don't use any regularly. Do you have many followers on your Tumblr? Nah. Do you tan easily? I burn like toast, man. Are you expecting something in the mail? No. Do you inspire others? Idk. What do you collect? Meerkat stuff and Silent Hill merch. Do you like cats? Hell yes!!! Are you healthy? If you excuse my weight and muscle atrophy, I'm actually pretty healthy, according to a billion tests I've gotten done when trying to discover *why* I had such awful pain in my legs. Have you ever been out of state? Yeah. Can you always blame your acts on that you were just too drunk? Fuck no. Three things you try to avoid as much as possible: Well dying lmao, getting hurt, public speaking. How many times have you been overseas? Zero. Do you use to have someone in mind when shopping for underwear? Wait what the fuck- What accent do you have? I don't really have one, although I do have a southern tone with some words sometimes I suppose. I also do say things like "y'all" or "fixing to (do something)," so I use some Southern terminology. Where would you like to live? The mountains of western NC. Sigh. Do you follow fashion? No. Do you have a big butt? Ever heard of Hank Hill Ass Syndrome? I have Hank Hill Ass Syndrome. Your worst job nightmare is: Customer service EVER again. Who’s the coolest rapper in the world? Idk and idc. Do you count how long you and your gf/bf have been together? I mean yeah, I think anniversaries are worth celebration. Healthy relationships aren't always easy to maintain; to remain in love takes forgiveness, loyalty, dedication... all that. It shouldn't be hard, but it takes effort. Have you graduated? High school, anyway. Rihanna or Lady Gaga? Lady Gaga, definitely. Do you use fake eyelashes? No. What’s your worst interior design nightmare: I dunno. Probably just being very crammed? What makeup brands do you use? I don't have any particular ones; I don't wear makeup enough. What’s the worst kind of rejection you could give someone? I genuinely feel it to be how Jason did so with me. Three and a half years in a very serious relationship, and he out of the blue breaks up with me over Facebook because my depression became "too much." Like by NOW I understand I can't shame him for wanting to be happy, but the way he did it was fucking cruel and tore me apart. Like especially when this person was your refuge from daily pain and pretty much your god and future (never make someone that, holy holy HOLY shit don't), that individual just suddenly having enough and breaking contact off like that was emotional murder. Do you have a crush on someone right now? Well yeah, but it's like... a "tamed" one? Is that an accurate word? Like I understand it just can't work right now, but it doesn't stop me from liking her. Is there anyone that many people think is hot, but you don’t? I'm sure there's someone. Do you sort and organize your clothes in some kind of way? Sorta. When somebody intimidates you, how do you usually act around them? Nervous, skittish, more awkward than usual. Is your favorite singer in a band or does he or she ride solo? Brendon Urie is in P!atD and Patrick Stump is in Fall Out Boy. Freddie Mercury was the vocalist of Queen. Did your parents ever hang your old artwork up on the walls? Yeah, Mom still has some up lmao. How often do you wear chapstick? Only when my lips are actually chapped. Do you walk around your house with your shoes on or do you take them off? Definitely off. What is the weirdest obsession you’ve ever had? Collecting stickers, maybe? How many of the seven deadly sins have you fulfilled today? Sloth is on the daily lmao, gluttony, and lust. Should guys always kiss the girl on a first date? Not always, of course not. It depends on the comfort level, and I would ALWAYS ask first. Which band has the corniest music videos? Corniest lyrics? I don't really watch music videos, and idk about lyrics. What subject is/was hardest for you in school? Math. Have any songs ever inspired you to play an instrument? No. Do you ever use Pandora? No. Are you better with creative writing or writing essays? I think I'm good at both, but I probably excel in creative writing. When was the last time you were rick rolled? No clue. What is the weirdest animal you’ve ever seen as a pet? Seen, I guess a chinchilla, though that's not really "weird." If you had to change one, would you rather change your hair or your eyes? Eyes. When was the last time you had a ‘she-mergency’? I had to look this up to be certain what that even was lmao. Probably some time I started my period at school and had to use folded toilet paper or something for a while. Which sounds creepier: sleeping in the attic or the basement? I'd say it depends on the make-up of each and its cleanliness. What was your favorite computer game as a kid? I think it was called The Amazon Trail 3? It was a damaged disc however, so it froze a lot. I think I only finished it once or twice; even knowing it would likely crash, I just liked playing it as far as I could. Have you ever tried on your mom’s wedding ring? No. Any shows on TV that you flat out refuse to start watching? 13 Reasons Why, to name perhaps the #1. What is your opinion on fruitcake? NO. Here’s a tough one. Would you rather marry your cousin or a dog? Oh fuck off, neither. Who did you last dream about? I can't remember what it was about, but I know Mark was in it lmao. Do you have trouble remembering important things? Sometimes. My memory is atrocious. Which animal can you imitate the best? Audibly? Probably a cat. Which is harder - walking in the snow or sand? Sand. I FUCKING hate walking through sand. It's one reason I don't like the beach. Do you like sour candy? oml YES. If anyone, who did you sit with at lunch today? N/A Have you gotten any injuries lately? If so, what and how? Not anything I can remember. Are you a clumsy person? You have no idea. How about disorganized? I'm oddly split down the middle. Last male you talked to in person? My dad. Have you ever had a sunburn? Oh boy, I've gotten past that. Try sun poisoning. Are you thinking about asking anyone out? No. Pink lemonade or regular lemonade? PINK! Chocolate or strawberry milk? Oh boy, chocolate. I tried strawberry as a child and absolutely loathed it beyond words known to man, and I will not be giving it a second chance. I remember it pristinely. Disgusting. What volume is the ringer on your phone? It's on vibrate. Have you ever won a contest on the radio? No. Do you often write on yourself? I never do, 'less we're talking about tattoos lol. Is there writing on the shirt you are currently wearing? No. Frosted flakes or frosted mini wheats? I hate the latter, so I guess frosted flakes, though I don't really remember how they taste. Do mushrooms really add flavor to food? I hate them, so they obviously have enough flavor for me to notice them... What about onions? Yes. Are you a fan of Thai food? I've actually never had Thai food. How about Indian food? Same as above. Have you ever tried sushi? No. In your opinion, who would be the best president? I don't know. What was the last thing you spent more than $20 on? I have no ide- oh wait I paid for Teddy's surgery with... money I don't know from whence it came? Was it financial aid money? Idr. Do you wear actual designated ‘pajamas’ to bed? Pj pants and a tank top. When was the last time you were tempted to do something you’d later regret? Probably take a nap late in the day, ending in me being unable to sleep well at night. Thankfully, I decided against it. Have you ever had feelings for your best friend’s significant other? Yes. Well, not current best friend, but a former one. How many times did you ride in a car today? Zero. Are you comfortable in your own skin? Fuck no. What's absolutely splendid is even when/if I lose the weight I aim to, I'm going to have loose skin that literally might make me hate my body more until I without argument muster up the money to get it surgically removed. Are you in a good mood right now? I'm alright. When was the last time you had an ice cream cone? Been quite a while. Did you eat breakfast this morning? Yeah, had some cereal. Have you ever been in a cemetery at midnight? No. Do you live on your own? No. I don't even think I could tolerate living alone because of my depression and how loneliness can severely trigger it. I'm realistically probably not moving out until it'll be with an s/o. If not, who do you live with? I live with my mom, my sister's dog, and my cat and snake. How old are your siblings, if you have any? I have a lot, and I don't know the ages of all of them, only my two immediate sisters: 26 and 21. Have you ever had a crush on a sibling’s friend? No. Have you donated blood in the last 2 years? No. What was the last free t-shirt you received from? School. Is there anything you are looking forward to at the moment? February 4th, baby. Tattoo gets fixed up by an artist I like far more. Him not having an open booking until then should say enough. Are you an atheist? No. Are you Asian? No. Are you fluent in another language? No. Are you in the military? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Are you an artist? Not professional, but I enjoy making art. Are you a musician? No. Are you an athlete? Oh, hunny- Do you have a favorite flower? I really like orchids. Where was the last place you went that was more than an hour away? Great question... The trip to my therapist is about an hour, but not over. Why were you going there? For therapy. Who was the last person to tell you you looked nice? Probably Mom, idk. Have you ever been to a nude beach? Hell no, I wouldn't even if I was in great shape. How many websites do you have an account for? WHEW I have no idea, A LOT over all the years. Have you ever paid for any kind of online membership? Well, WoW is an online game, so a subscription, though because I obviously don't have my own money, I'm sadly rich enough in the game to use monthly tokens. Do you try clothes on before you buy them? Not always. I try to avoid it because I just hate doing it. What would you do if you knew a robber was in your house? Well I obviously don't know how I'd react on impulse, but I'd imagine myself locking my door and then climbing out the window. Then run like a motherfucker up the road some to a neighbor's, or hide in the nearby woods and call Mom. What’s your favorite type of pizza? Meat lovers sobs in wannabe-vegetarian. Have you ever been afraid of falling in love? Yes, very. Who’d you last see in a tux? I don't know. Do you record any TV shows and watch them later? No. Do you have difficulty pronouncing any words? Yeah, particularly "breakfast." I tend to put a "t" after the "k." Do you have your own computer? Yeah. Out of everyone you know, who was the most heart? My mom. Who’s the bravest person you know? Oh man, that's hard. I know a lot of brave people. Who would you want to have your back if things got tough? More than anyone in the world, Mom. Have your friends ever given you answers to homework, last minute? Yeah. Have you ever dated someone who was real sportsy? No. Have you ever done something terrible, but took forever to feel bad? By this point in time, I consider how I spoke to Jason before going to the ER multiple times absolutely terrible, and yes, it did take a very long time for me to realize just how cruel it was. Now it's fucking HARD to accept I ever said what I did. Have you ever read Shakespeare? Yes. Can anyone really change anyone that doesn’t wanna change? Nope. Do you think that anyone currently has a crush on you? I would assume Sara still does, but again, we know a relationship between us just isn't wise right now. What profession do you admire the most? The most? Man, that's hard to decide. Probably those that risk their lives for others, like firefighters, cops (yes, I am aware some abuse their power, but good cops deserve all the respect in the world), etc. Have you ever made a fake profile, for any reason? I don't believe so, no. What’s the hardest lesson you’ve ever had to learn? Bad things happen to good people and no, the universe does not care. Have you ever questioned your sexuality? Well obviously.
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autoirishlitdiscourses · 3 years ago
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Discourse of Thursday, 07 October 2021
I say this is an emotional payoff and a lot of fun, though what you've outlined a series of topics under discussion quite uncommon, but the power company left me reading by the assignment write-up exam tomorrow: Girv 1004,9 a. The other students, followed by all of which parts of the century, insofar as it could theoretically have been, though, so this is a good idea in concept and/or Bloom's complex relationship to Celtic myth there are hundreds or thousands of races, and you asked some very perceptive reading of the three F's, but you handled yourself and your sense of the group warmed up and either satisfies or frustrates the expectation for the recitation errors, but will be closed on Monday.
By changing technology? Hi! I'll see you tomorrow! 649, p. On yourself though it was more lecture-oriented than it needed to—but looking at the end of the historical connections. Etc. I am happy to discuss and haven't quite punched through to an agreement at that time feels like it passes differently when you're doing the earliest part of the implications of the class develop its own: I think the fairest grade to you, but you'll be reciting, please email me the page number and my hands are not prepared, and so do I. You picked a longer paper in a paper/—even if you're treating the text s with which you engage in discussion, actually. I'm expecting it's a bit closer to the larger-scale discussions in relation to them a few ways in which language and thought in this task of analytical questions, OK?
You too! Section tonight like you were, at 7 p. You must declare in advance with the same time, I think that you are again; and so this is not to avoid them entirely, etc. You will note from my grading rubric some language might change a student's focus rather than the fact that the definition for all that it currently is. I say this not just two points are in fact up this week, and to think about those parts that build to your potential this time. I now I? Helpful for interpreting monetary amounts in Ulysses, and I will try to jam in extra points for discussion to occur. Lesson Plan for Week 7: General Thoughts and Notes 20 November Boy song on p. You effectively leveraged the group's discussion over the quarter. If you want to go about proving your points because it assumes it will drag you down a little more. There are a few things that they will be away from home, possibly as a British colony, Ireland used the same time, it allows you to give you feedback before, you should definitely be there on time. Mentioned in lecture tomorrow. Again, thank you for doing a good selection, effectively treated it as a way that shows you paid close attention to your section takes a stand as Heidegger has it explicitly on why your juxtaposition actually matters. You apply the late penalty, actually. Thanks for the quarter is over tomorrow, 1:30 tomorrow, you're very welcome. If your point total, based on the IDs they attempt, and this is what is your central claim in a comparable phenomenon, and didn't get the ball rolling in the early twentieth-century, whether the Jewish population has any similarities to yours. You should treat each other effectively while in the earlier recitation, and it showed.
There are many other possibilities, you related your discussion, and specifically with the assumption that you noticed that I really did quite a good weekend and may be ignoring the context of the quarter. Poke around and see what he thought just so that its purpose should be on the MLA format and where it is that the useless incompetent morons who pass as campus technicians decided to outsource our campus email to earlier this year.
Again, thank you both doing this. First: make sure you carefully evaluate whose viewpoint we're getting in Nausicaa and The Cook, the notes my students emails constantly, but you are adaptable to the poem takes on gender. Doing this effectively if the exam is scheduled. You did a very small but very well be phrased vaguely at the appropriate number of things that you can ameliorate anxiety-producing situations related to the real payoff for your health allows it, and this is a mark of sophisticated writing and studying so that it would be most closely associated. However, they're fair game for the recitation half of the first time, whereas The Butcher Boy both are a number of first-serve basis. Section this quarter. But, again, and how you see in order to pass beyond merely reciting twelve lines of Yeats's September 1913, which involves speculations about the recitation into a complex and insightful discussion. I'll see you tomorrow night get me a copy of your material effectively and in a genuinely excellent job! Let me know as soon as you should then discuss the general introduction to things that interest you to leave it. I'm mean but in your reading of it; again, it was my choice, depending on what you're actually claiming about the actual purpose of the following table: If you are scheduled or not, however.
Is it helpful to make huge conceptual leaps immediately, but against my other section for Thanksgiving. You were clearly a bit of a letter explaining specific reasons/why your grade and that this would be the same way that helps you prioritize. In exchange, I didn't anticipate at the coin from the course to pull their grades up for discussion. Wikipedia article on poitín for more sections like these on the section website, if you remind me to do with the rest of the forbidden, and you accomplished a lot of ways, was written. I am myself less than absolutely perfectly optimal. The short version is that you're capable of doing even better quality, and mechanics may also find it productive. 4% in the first half of your specific claim about how you want to recite and discuss can be a bit abstract, all in all, you can point to start writing. You picked a good weekend I'll see you next week in section.
I'm perfectly convinced that you're thinking about how your attendance/participation grade up substantially. I'll count your paper grade are the only student who sent a panicked email after sleeping into the A range; you might have helped you to refine your ideas more collaboratively.
Let me know what works for you but that you're reading. Have a good night, and you connected it effectively to the MLA standard and has no effect one way to impose limits on yourself though it does give you a copy to me immediately afterwards to make in the depth that you have done some very, very good student this quarter! Plan for Week 10: General Thoughts and Notes 16 October 2013 There are many possibilities; but a good holiday break! You're smart and I have that are not intellectually or temperamentally suited to being perceptive. I'll see you next week! I set the bar for A papers very high B. I thought I'd report it to introduce some major aspect of the professor's English 150 this quarter, this means, and the median grade was 88. Really, you may want to say that, with answers and notes on any replies that say, but you handled yourself and your sense of the total quarter grade at least somewhat. So a how this is not just of choosing your major points into questions and comments in section prepared to defend it; you also gave an engaged, thoughtful performance that is appropriate and helpful. You responded effectively to larger concerns of the possible points of the passage and showed this in some particulars from Chris's, and what you want any changes made I will not necessarily that you'll want to go for answers on questions about plagiarism should be cognizant of what you want to put it another way of being is the only thing preventing you from doing so. Keep an eye on the midterm or write to the rest of the pages in question generally or always plays by the way this is within the novel, and the musician. I agree wholeheartedly that Early Irish authors contains poems that will facilitate discussion. There are a lot that they each see themselves as being the plus and minus for each text that you would hope yes/no questions because often those just elicit yes or no and close off further discussion. You also demonstrated that he did it because he'd been focusing on an English Paper lots of good plays: thanks to! I think you have any questions arise sufficiently far in this essay: examined some large-scale course concerns and did a solid delivery of a third of a chance to have asked people to talk about the very first paragraph in the hope that you're working, which is a good student again have a middle A-is possible to accomplish this before the third-to-memorize twelve-line poem, and how they pay off for you and I completely appreciate that this was explained both verbally and in a final grade is calculated and I hope that everything else that you have a standard list of works cited page, and then looking through as I can be hard to be more impassioned which may differ in some ways in which he or she is paying for their recitation/discussion 5 p. He would most need to interrogate your own original work; any non-edited draft, letting it sit and then making sure that you need to represent them even further, though, your projected paper looks like it's going to be sure you know you've done a very strong paper. Hi! Truthfully, I can identify it. —But if that's inconvenient for you in section. It's just that your introduction: what are Joyce's attitudes toward sexuality in general, but all in all, you should definitely both be there. To get at least take a closer look at Martin Esslin's The Theatre of the class was welcoming and supportive to other people in, so there's plenty of material. McCabe TBD, Godot Vladimir's speech, so let me know if you don't have an appointment downtown that's going to be a tricky business, and that this is absolutely not necessary, but some students may not have a copy of the Artist As a Young Man, which is not a bad thing, and I wish someone had said to me.
Grading rubric for analytical papers like this and have a good path here what most needs to do quite a good job, and I may be that sitting down and start writing to figure out what that third plan looks like you were on track throughout your time and do not overlap with yours, and gave an excellent delivery, very good readings here. However: think about how to prompt people to speak can be particularly difficult to memorize because of a letter grade. Section Guidelines handout.
Please forgive me if you have any more questions, and that is related to gender. Engaging in close readings of V for Vendetta and Punishment and whichever other text s with which you should be careful to stay above the minimum length if the section, or Muldoon, just what I want a recording of your material very effectively and provided a good sense of the rhythm of Bloom's thoughts. He is also a good job of walking a rather uncomfortable scene with Father Sullivan is the origin of the quality the paper in on Wednesday! I'm looking forward to it, Audrey Niffenegger's novel The Time Traveler's Wife is perhaps most useful here, although it's not necessary, then this will count as a.
You've got some breathing room on other tasks that you occasionally seem to have been thinking about what possibilities for discussion by the burden of proof and the group seems to be expressed in your section who has explicitly brought up some important issues and/or language that intimidate or negatively impact your paper. Anyway, my point is that you yourself have done a good writer, not a play about the relationship between the poem.
I was now a dual citizen.
Keep your eye more clearly, but if you have left, but it's often helpful to log into the UCSB Library Proxy Server/before/clicking on the section, which after all, I think, too. It'll just need to be as effective as it could conceivably have been possible to accomplish, intellectually speaking, but leaves it as a whole. I'm leaning toward putting you either cross them or you can carry yourself, rather than merely plausible, which largely duplicates ID #1 from the original text. Great! 3%. E-mail off to be reciting Patrick Kavanagh Patrick Kavanagh, I think it happens. You are absolutely fine I think, to get you started thinking about how your paper is late reduces your score was 80% I'll have her talk to you after I broke my arm two years ago that might make you feel that your thoughts are being violated? That is, your writing is quite a long way,/not/that week and prepared to discuss with another person, dropped off in the context of the right expression of your total score for base grade-days late 10 _3-length penalty of/The Music Box/1932: There will be honest. The overall goal is to think about my own editing process.
Anyway, I think that your choice from Casualty could productively appear either near the beginning of the passage you'll be master here? Crashing? Jack Clitheroe, Jack Clitheroe, Jack Clitheroe, Jack Clitheroe, The walks by the section website: Pre-1971 British and Irish literature.
We Lost: Eavan Boland, What We Lost Eavan Boland, What We Lost: Eavan Boland, What We Lost Paul Muldoon, just over 87% in the/exact text of the quarter, I offer you a bit rushed and ran a bit less and allow for a job well done. Let me know if you really do have to say that it should be adaptable in terms of figuring out when to use the first section, you did quite an honor to win—people who see the cause that Irish culture should probably at least 46. 52: A traditional form of love, since you haven't yet decided what order I'll call people in the class develop its own: I think that there are a number of people aren't prepared, enthusiastic, informed, and on the midterm exam have been a good selection, in a long time, though as I normally try to get warmed up and talking about, I supposed I'd have to put everything you know what works for you two after another group for several days, and you should have read the entire review session. As it stands, I would suggest and this is an awfully slow recitation. Helpful for interpreting monetary amounts in Ulysses and other works, I think that one of the poems that's listed on the midterm or final I'm assuming that you're well prepared. I'm not trying to get back to your major one or two specific parts of Europe that frequently marks property lines, each will have failed to satisfy breadth requirements that you attend section Thanksgiving week instead of the quarter have been asking for it to know this about your topic to another student who's not able to find one here.
Hi! I will Yes.
All of the poem.
All in all, you should include a URL for sources that disagree with you, nor 93% the high end of the prospectus when I've given you should be careful about with this by Sunday night, and that not doing so. If I recall my ancient reading of the analysis fits into that arc. You've also picked a good choice to me by email by 12 November. We mustn't be led away by words, you've done a lot of ways in which this could conceivably have paid off for you. I; The photographing of ravens; all the presentations graded by Monday night. Can you schedule me a copy of your recording have no one else does feeling. It turns out, I think including at least. Just let me know if you are one of three people reciting from McCabe this week, you have a few more lines, but do feel free to skip to the section as a lens to look for cues that tell me more specifically: as it is, again, I will be paying attention to the class, and you've done some very interesting and sophisticated and that missing more than five sections and you display an excellent and opened up more points than you might, of course, Anglo-Irish, or hospitalization of a question or two key issues. You picked a very solid aspects of the room to go back over your own expression—and to push yourself to dig into some obscure yet well-chosen pieces of evidence that best supports your central argument? I'll see you next week. We feel in England, was written too close to ten sections this quarter, so I'm signaling that if you have already picked a longer selection than the assignment write-up test the next paragraph when you want your reader, and might be to make progress toward graduation that satisfies you and to use this as being entitled to demand from the dangers inherent in being exposed to the class's actual level of. Again, thank you for doing such a good understanding of the beautiful little gems throughout the quarter that is a mother: that you had an excellent sense of the quarter, and I genuinely hope that they will be by the time of the logical chain you're constructing. One of the novel, then you can start with the dates that would have gotten this to be time management you've only got ten to fifteen minutes. But this is what your grade: You may also find it helpful to take the midterm! I loved; changed nearly to almost in I nearly said; changed answered to said on my shelf at home, possibly due to strep throat, so that I can help you to help you to examine your various sources into a complex and insightful discussion. Do you need any advice, so I think that your own reading of a conversation with him, give him an F on the rest of the quarter. Your discussion and question provoked close readings of paintings if you get no section credit. You did a very good paper in other ways to do this a great job! Let me know if you want to go; it's of more benefit to the course edition of Opened Ground.
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indianangel01 · 4 years ago
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10 best practices while reaching out to investors
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We receive a lot of pitches by emails. By a lot, we mean a lot - some bad, some good, some spectacular. To get to the crux of this post, we will share what exactly we love to get in pitch emails.
1. If you have a warm intro, refer to that person in cc, or be referred by them in the email
You don't really need a warm intro to receive funding from us. But if you have a warm intro, please make it count. Warm intros are familiar. Mention that person in cc. Or best - have the person write to us with a short brief introducing you to us! If you just say X introduced you - but you were to lazy to do step 1, this makes us doubt if the intro is actually warm.
2. Email the right person on the right email id
We mention our emails almost everywhere. Still, we get some emails on our personal ids (which we have the right to discard without opening). Open our LinkedIn, check our bios, and write an email to the correct id.
3. Guide us to next steps
Please do not say you are looking forward to 'Fruitful relationships' or 'Lets explore synergies'. We are all past MBA-speak. Be open. You are looking for capital. We are looking for equity investments. Simple. Do not expect us to come to you with a time. We will, but at our leisure. Instead, suggest a slot or two, and ask if one can work.
4. Essays are for college applications
Best intro emails are less than a page long, in bullet points, key words in bold, sharing relevant data (but not overly disclosing everything).
5. Please mention your ask
How much do you want to raise? You ARE raising money. We ARE going to ask you. Might as well save some time. Please do not say between X and Y, its not fixed yet - this shows you are unsure. If you're not sure, how will we be?
6. Attach a short deck
A 10-15 page deck on what the company does, your business model, your ask should suffice. No need for 30 slides when key message can be conveyed in 10. This is an initial deck, not an in depth presentation. Please use Guy Kawasaki's 10-20-30 rule. It always helps. If this does not help, there are multiple websites online that help you with this information.
7. Please send a PDF
a. Its easier to open b. Its difficult to modify if in the wrong hands c. No links to drives please - clicking 3 times does not really incentivize people to open decks
8. Its not highschool, but you're expected to do your homework
Please know who you are talking to. Please understand the investment thesis of the investor. Mention relevant past investments, try to find similar themes in our portfolio. Best ones we've seen already had plans to collaborate with portfolio companies and also asked for introductions.
9. Remind us if we've met in the past
If we have met in the past, we can pick it up from there. If we passed in the past, remind us why. Show us how you've improved. Pick up from the last thread, don't create a new one. We love to be proven wrong.
10. Take notes
Always pitch with a co founder or an ally. You can do the talking, the ally can take notes. This is to ensure you note down our body language, questions, comments, all of which can be used to hit us up the next time or proactively address queries. *** It is super hard to be a founder. Fundraising is even harder. But simple practices like these will help you stand out. If you are looking to raise capital and your business fits our thesis, please reach out to either Dhruv or Siddharth  Read the full article
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szzln · 6 years ago
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a hunnid questions
thanks for taggin me bby :) @dacremontgomerylover
1. What is your nickname? siggy, sid
2. How old are you? 19 (i don’t want to leave my teen years)
3. What is your birth month? september
4. What is your zodiac sign? virgo, yeeet
5. What is your favourite colour? blueeee (like my feelings)
6. What’s your lucky number? don’t really have one, but I like 5 and 8
7. Do you have any pets? a stray cat named Pablo and I love her dearly
8. Where are you from? australia
9. How tall are you? 5’7”
10. What shoe size are you? UK 11
11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? 7?
12. Are you random? with my closest friends, yes
13. Last person you texted? my friend group chat
14. Are you psychic in any way? when i predict things, they are usually wrong so i’m going to say no
15. Last TV show watched? brooklyn nine-nine!!!
16. Favourite movie? the book of life, a walk to remember, she’s all that
17. Favourite show from your childhood? iCarly, victorious
18. Do you want children? yes but later down the track. i can’t think of kids now, i have enough brothers as it is
19. Do you want a church wedding? not a church wedding, but somewhere really nice, maybe at a really nice function hall that looks out to the lake, with a dope ass floral garden – a place that’s got them real aesthetics lmao
20. What is your religion? i believe there is a God but I try to follow the christianity values that my family follows. i definitely know i’m going to hell.
21. Have you ever been to the hospital? um yes, who hasn’t? i was born at one.
22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? yes (kind of). it was one of those times where i paid for a child ticket when i just started my first year of uni (because the ticket prices for child and student concession are the same) so i thought i wasn’t going to get caught at like 7pm, when all the transport officials have finished. apparently, they hadn’t finished, so i was left with them in front of me asking for my id’s lol
23. How is life? i’m nearing the end of my first sem of second year of uni! i am so relieved that i finished my classes today. i have two essays due this weekend, i’m completely fucked over both and an exam next weekend but i’m okay! i’ve already cried over about them lmao :)
24. Baths or showers? showers all the way.
25. What colour socks are you wearing? black glitter socks
26. Have you ever been famous? if you count people saying hi to you when you don’t know their name, then yes. at school hahaha
27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? i’d love to be, honestly. it sounds conceited but i’ve dreamed of being famous. when i get hate comments, i love to be witty
28. What type of music do you like? r&b yeeeet. pop, sad ballads (EXTRA POINTS IF THEY MAKE ME WEEP LIKE A FUCKING BABY)
29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? omg no and probably never will
30. How many pillows do you sleep with? i sleep with one with a few rectangle cushions here and there
31. What position do you usually sleep in?  on my back with my arms stretched taking up all the space. and my stomach with my leg folded up with my pillow lying vertically with me
32. How big is your house? to be honest, i don’t like talking about my living arrangements. i feel like it’s a place for me, my own private space. i’m just going to say it’s cosy.
33. What do you typically have for breakfast? whatever cereal there is, or for brunch, i’ll have whatever was last night’s dinner
34. Have you ever left the country? once to new zealand
35. Have you ever tried archery? no but i think i’ll suck at it big time. i can’t even handle a toy archery set, what makes me think i can try with an actual arrow??? lmaaoo
36. Do you like anyone? there’s this cutie, he looks like he’s the same age, maybe a little older, and he does after school care for the children at my youngest brother’s school. we have never spoken and i’d like it that way
37. Favourite swear word? fuck
38. When do you fall asleep? whenever i feel tired. or when i have a headache. or when i can’t be bothered with my school work anymore lol
39. Do you have any scars? if you hadn’t noticed, I have chicken pox scars all over my face.
40. Sexual orientation? straight (but sometimes i can’t help that people of the same sex as me are gorgeous and i wish i could be them)
41. Are you a good liar? i’d like to say so. it’s called acting
42. What languages would you like to learn? i’d love to learn spanish again. maybe italian, greek?
43. Top 10 songs? fall in line – demi x xtina be careful – cardi b drew barrymore – bryce vine 2002 – anne-marie smooth criminal – michael jackson what i need – hayley x kehlani you can cry – marshmello, james arthur, juicy j why – shawn mendes i was never there – the weeknd lovely – billie eilish x khalid
44. Do you like your country? yes
45. Do you have friends from the web? omg yes, i love them dearly
46. What is your personality type? according to the 16-personalities survey, i am an adventurer (not an ad lol)
47. Hogwarts House? according to the official Hogwarts house quiz, i’m a gryffindor but i lowkey want to be a slytherin
48. Can you curl your tongue? side to side, oui
49. Pick one fictional character you can relate to?
50. Left or right-handed? right-handed
51. Are you scared of spiders? i’d slowly walk away from spiders, buT FUCK SNAKES I’M OUT
52. Favourite food? anything that’s good.
53. Favourite foreign food? chinese
54. Are you a clean or messy person? i myself am a mess
55. If you could switch your gender for a day, what would you do? look at my new genitals
56. What colour underwear? grey
57. How long does it take for you to get ready? abouts an hour
58. Do you have much of an ego? i’d like to stay grounded for as long as possible
59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? both
60. Do you talk to yourself? yes, quietly.
61. Do you sing to yourself? is that even a question, of course i do.
62. Are you a good singer? i’m decent.
63. Biggest Fears? snakES AND CROWDED PLACES FUCK ME UP
64. Are you a gossip? uni has me wary of what people say and what headlines i see online. i won’t believe it until proven.
65. Are you a grammar Nazi? i sat here for a minute before I answered these questions correcting ‘favorite’ to ‘favourite’ and ‘color’ to ‘colour’. but i don’t think I’d point out something unless it was written on paper in person?
66. Do you have long or short hair? medium. my hair is growing and is a happy lass
67. Can you name all 50 states of America? i can probably name like 10, i’m not american
68. Favourite school subject? music practices was fun af
69. Extrovert or Introvert? introvert 100%
70. Have you ever been scuba diving? probably not, i’m scared of accidentally sucking in the mask for the oxygen or the oxygen tank failing
71. What makes you nervous?   crowded places and cute guys
72. Are you scared of the dark? no. i love the dark and i get pissed when a room is too bright.
73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? i question them whether it’s right or not to see if they’d pick up on it or lecture me on said topic
74. Are you ticklish? i hate that i am
75. Have you ever started a rumour? who has the energy to though?
76. Have you ever been out of your home country? yes. i’ve answered this (so basically there’s 99 qs mwuahaha)
77. Have you ever drank underage? omg no. my parents would have whooped my ass
78. Have you ever done drugs? prescription drugs, yes.
79. What do you fantasize about? me being in a relationship
80. How many piercings do you have? only my hears. i would like a nose piercing soon
81. Can you roll your R’s? okurrrrrrr
82. How fast can you type? i don’t even know
83. How fast can you run? bruh. i don’t run at all (unless if it was for the bus, then maybe)
84. What colour is your hair? black at roots, and then brown and then washed out green
85. What colour are your eyes? brown
86. What are you allergic to? nothinnnn’
87. Do you keep a journal? i try to, but like I forget lol
88. Are you depressed about anything? my life? myself?
89. Do you like your age? yes.
90. What makes you angry? slow walkers, people who are closed minded, people who think feminism is a bunch of sexist, man-hating screaming women (although urban dictionary’s multiple definitions on feminism makes me howl of laughter), people who have a chip on their shoulder for no reason
91. Do you like your own name? i’ve grown to like it.
92. Did you ever get a foreign object up your nose? okay so this happened when i was like between 4 and 6. it was either before or after christmas and i was at my grandparents’ house because they were watching me while my parents were out. for me at that age, i was always bored, so i decided to remove the cushions from the single chair i was sitting on. i found these two little plastic balls that must have come off some christmas decorations and i wanted to see if it could fit up my nose. it did. until i decided to push it up further to the point it got stuck and i started crying for my aunty to help me take it out. she didn’t help me and told me that i needed to get it out myself because it was my own wrongdoing LMAAO
93. Do you want a boy or a girl for a child? why not have both?
94. What talents do you have? i can crack my elbow the way we crack our knuckles, does that count?
95. Sun or moon? moon
96. How did you get your name? my parents had already decided on the name ‘angel’ for me lol. but apparently when i was born, to my mum she looked at me and was immediately was like “sigalu!” (pronounced si-nguh-lou) and so she called my great-grandfather (mum’s mum’s dad) to ask if she could name me after my nana, and voila :) (the name is sacred and can only be given permission to use it).
97. Are you religious? i try to be a good child of God
98. Have you ever been to a therapist? no but i think i should
99. Colour of your bedspread? dark-beige
100. Colour of your room? an ugly off-white colour
1 note · View note
bromosapiens · 7 years ago
Note
How much would you hate me if I told you to do every fuckin' one on that ask meme.
a lot
1) Sexuality? 
if you need to ask you obviously havent spent more than five minutes on my blog
2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? 
snoop dogg i think we covered this
3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. 
“...de ses plus belles trouvailles. Il semble que certaines réalités...”
4) What do you think about most? 
how fucking insane it is that in america annotating and analysing six essays in the span of an hour constitutes an education
5) What does your latest text message from someone else say? 
“like damn”
6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on? 
mmm usually without cest la vie here in texas
7) What's your strangest talent? 
i can rap all of lose yourself backwards to the tune of the backyardigans theme song
8) Girls.... (finish the sentence); Boys.... (finish the sentence) 
girls are scary and powerfulboys are also scary and powerful but sometimes its hot
9) Ever had a poem or song written about you? 
if you count shitass stoned rambles sure
10) When is the last time you played the air guitar? 
like yesterday
11) Do you have any strange phobias? 
freezing to death
12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? 
sure who doesnt
13) What's your religion? 
im a karkatstian
15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? 
in front of it bitchbut back in my photography phase both were applicable because all i took pictures of was myself and likerocks
16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? 
crywank rn i just feel em in my soul
18) Do you believe in karma? 
ironically sure but not really
19) What does your URL mean? 
take a wild fucking guess
20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? 
my inability to comprehend literally anything; my mario skills
21) Who is your celebrity crush? 
probably darren criss or pete wentz but only because i still have his dick pics saved on my laptop
22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping? 
hells fucking yes
23) How do you vent your anger? 
ask karkat
24) Do you have a collection of anything? 
swords knives lighters pipes and bandaids with designs on themwhat else do ya need
25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? 
on the phone because video chat is just awkward af
26) Are you happy with the person you've become? 
could be better idk
27) What's a sound you hate; sound you love? 
nails against a wall; incoherent whispering
29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? 
im not so sure about aliens but i can reassure you right now that ghosts are real and they are dicksi have first hand experience
30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. 
i almost knocked over my coffee thanks
with my right id have to reach behind me a bit but the side of the futonbelow my left arm is navy
31) Smell the air. What do you smell? 
coffee and sweatwelcome to my home
32) What's the worst place you have ever been to? 
new york city
33) Choose East Coast or West Coast? 
east coast west coast seems really white
34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? 
janelle monae
35) To you, what is the meaning of life? 
taco bell dicks out
36) Define Art. 
art: when people do things so that other people can enjoy those things
37) Do you believe in luck? 
i dont really think so nahreminds me of an old friend though
38) What's the weather like right now? 
its kinda chilly actually and clouds are rollin ingood thing im inside and not outside
39) What time is it? 
about 8
40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? 
i do and i have but i wasnt the one that crashed iti was in a crash though
41) What was the last book you read? 
the one im reading rn is A l'ombre des jeunes filles en fleurs but its for class so im not sure that counts
42) Do you like the smell of gasoline? 
yeah actually
43) Do you have any nicknames? 
avi / asshat / furry / birdfucker / the weird strider / oh him again / god that hurts my eyes / is he okay
44) What was the last movie you saw? 
im pretty sure it was some documentary on bbc
45) What's the worst injury you've ever had? 
uhhhhhhhh i havent really broken any bones or anything but i was stabbed once*multiple timesi was grazed by a bullet once too
46) Have you ever caught a butterfly? 
nah i wish
47) Do you have any obsessions right now? 
ive been playing my horse prince
49) Ever had a rumor spread about you? 
uhhh i dont think so unless any of yall wanna fess upwell there is the birdfucker thing
50) Do you believe in magic? 
listen do you know who i live with
51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? 
not really nookay maybe a bit
52) What is your astrological sign? 
i have no clue im gonna take a wild guess and say sagittarius
53) Do you save money or spend it? 
spend it
54) What's the last thing you purchased? 
...a collar
55) Love or lust? 
why not both
56) In a relationship? 
hells yeah
57) How many relationships have you had? 
five or six i think
58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue? 
nah i wish
59) Where were you yesterday? 
god that sounds so threateningi was at work
60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? 
yeah my fuzzy socks
61) Are you wearing socks right now? 
see above
62) What's your favorite animal? 
birds are rad as hell
64) Where is your best friend? 
in nyc probably at home grading papers or doin homework or smth
65) Spit or swallow?(; 
swallow i aint a fuckin wimp
66) What is your heritage? 
white probablynah uhhh my moms actually half black but bros as white texan as it gets so all i inherited was some vague facial structure and borderline full albinismro got a bit more that i thinkand then roxs dad is black so we dont really look alikei dont know anything past my parents so dont ask
67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM? 
god do you really have to aski think i was uhtalking to karkat
68) What do you think is Satan's last name? 
strider
69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? 
if anyone answers no to this i will be very concerned
70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? 
hell yeah life of the party
71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? 
im already getting fired save the damn dogif i wasnt though id leave iti aint no hero aight
74) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? 
any fucking song from grease
75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? 
0747 try and guess that one bitch
76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? 
god i have no clue this is my first
77) How can I win your heart? 
if you have to ask youve already won it
78) Can insanity bring on more creativity? 
i sure hope so cos thats where im headed
79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? 
proposing to hex
80) What size shoes do you wear? 
9 1/2
81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone? 
“cest la vie on this bitch of an earth”
82) What is your favorite word? 
bussy
83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. 
aardvark
84) What is a saying you say a lot? 
...cest la vie on this bitch of an earth
85) What's the last song you listened to? 
skateboard p (elijah who)
86) Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors? 
fuck uhhhhhhhhhhh idk red
87) What is your current desktop picture? 
Tumblr media
88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? 
derrek j fucking strider
90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do? 
“so whos going first”
91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? 
probably time travel idk just seems cool
93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? 
can we just trim my timeline up to about a year ago
94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? 
kevin abstract seems like hed be good in bed tbh
95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? 
the bermuda triangle
96) Do you have any relatives in jail? 
i have no clueif dirks in jail no one told me
97) Have you ever thrown up in the car? 
sure fucking have
98) Ever been on a plane? 
sure fucking have
99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? 
dont fucking waittime runs out
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uswnt · 7 years ago
Note
Even numbers ;)
halfskh well i did say keep me busy
(2) Do You Have Freckles? 
mm no
(4) Last Song You Listened To. 
flare guns by quinn xcii
(6) Relationship Status.
single
(8) Did You Wake Up Cranky?
yes i was tired all day and in a terrible mood
(10) Zodiac Sign.
scorpio
(12) Take A Vitamin Daily?
hahah no
(14) What Books Are You Reading?
not reading rn but i just ordered under the lights and in the dark and im very excited to start reading it once i get it
(16) Favourite Anime?
oh gosh i dont watch much anime but your name (kimi no na wa) was pretty damn good
(18) Do You Collect Anything?
nothing specific i guess but i save things from trips/memorable moments like tickets to shows or something
(20) Do You Dance In The Car?
no
(22) Do You Watch The Olympics?
i do sometimes, depends on the sport
(24) Are You Wearing Makeup Right Now?
no i hate makeup lol
(26) Favourite Tumblr Blog?
i cant pick just one but all my woso buds are great @fire-scene @tobito-17 @klleyoharas @sergirobertocarnicer @uswnt4581723 @chrlslex @rookieforlife @softbroskobin
(28) What Makes You Happy?
so many things... my friends, sports (sometimes)
(30) Do You Study Better With Or Without Music?
def without, i cant pay attention with music on because i listen too closely to it
(32) If You Were A Crayon What Colour Would You Be?
i wish blue but truthfully id prob be gray
(34) Would You Swim In The Lake Or Ocean?
neither because i can barely swim
(36) What Colour Shirt Are You Wearing?
gray lol
(38) Do You Save Money Or Spend It?
it really depends but im a surprisingly good saver most times
(40) Do You Have Any Obsessions Right Now?
uhm sports have always been my obsession
(42) Are You Easily Influenced By Other People?
my family says i am but i dont think i am soo idk
(44) Do You Like Going On Airplanes? 
it depends on how long but when i do get on a plane its usually for 12 hours so not a big fan usually
(46) Peanuts Or Sunflower Seeds?
peanuts
(48) Are You A Picky Eater?
not really
(50) Do You Fear Thunder / Lightning?
no
(52) Do You Like Your Music Loud?
now that im in college? yes lmao
(54) Put Your Music On Shuffle, What Is The First Song That Came Up?
what lovers do by maroon 5 ft. sza
(56)What Are You Craving Right Now?
nothing im soo full right now
(58) What Is Your Gender?
female
(60) Do You Have Any Homework Right Now? If So, What Is It About?
i have a report for kinesiology, an essay for english, a bio assignment and a chem assignment
(62) Do You Make Your Bed In The Morning?
no i literally get up 10 mins before my bus leaves
(64) Favourite Social Media?
i dont use other social media sites very much so i guess this terrible site
(66) Do You Get Homesick?
if i lived away then yeah prob
(68) What Shampoo And Conditioner Are You Using Right Now?
tresemme and vidal sassoon
(70) Are Both Of Your Blood Parents Still In Your Life?
yes
(72) Do You Miss Your Ex?
sometimes? but i think i just miss having someone
(74) What Eye Colour Do You Find Sexiest?
blue but i like brown as well
(76) What Was The Last Thing You Ate? 
peach yogurt
(78) Would You Give A Homeless Person CPR If They Were Dying? Why Or Why Not?
well im not trained in cpr so maybe that isnt such a good idea
(80) Stalked Someone On A Social Network?
yes
(82) Do You Wear Rings? If You Do, Take A Picture Of Them.
Tumblr media
(84) What Are Three Things You Did Today?
school, ate, watching world series
(86) List All Of Your Different Beauty Products You Have Right Now.
i dont use any lmao
(88) List All Of Your Video Games On Your Phone, Console Etc.
most of the games i own is on my computer and its gonna take waaay too long to list all of them
(90) Favourite Soda Drink?
does iced tea count as soda? if not, then mountain dew but i dont drink soda that often (also who calls it soda? its pop jfc + iced tea in america is the weirdest thing because i literally got COLD TEA when i ordered it there and i was like ??)
(92) Do You Wear Jeans Or Sweats More?
sweats but i used to be a jeans person until college hit
(94) Name Something That Relaxes You.
sleep
(96) Favourite YouTuber?
uh dont watch much but nowthisisliving
3 notes · View notes
lebilliam · 7 years ago
Text
Hey sirmcartney asked me to do this
I’d rather be doing this over my school ish anyways :’)
Ask me some questions!
3 Fears: Ghosts :((( , fat insects , failing stuff 
3 things I love: i fukin love talking to my friends and hanging out , listening to music that i havent heard in forever, and that post workout glow 
2 turns on: i can send them memes :) , i can laugh and not give a heck with them
2 turns off: i cant send them memes :( , being mean to me (im sensitive af)
My best friend: zoo wee this is a hard one but id prob say logan or brian or adam or morgan or alex. take ur pick. (morgan and logan tbh)
Sexual orientation: str8 
How tall am I: 5′9″ according to my ID
What do I miss right now: intimacy
Favourite color: orange!!!!!
Do I have a crush: ;)
Favourite place: currently ive been digging the imagination room
What am I listening to right now: affection // Cigarettes After Sex
Shoe size: it varies on the brand but normally 9.5 or 10? idk im bad
Eye color: brown
Hair color: black 
Meaning behind my URL: its bc i wanted a recognizable alias that i could use across platforms 
Favourite song: i always say liztomania by phoenix
Favourite band: Maroon 5 fanboy here but ive been a fan of Cigarettes after Sex for a while now
How I feel right now: STRESSED and ANGERY
Someone I love: myself (kinda)
My current relationship status: 
My relationship with my parents: we dont really talk that much but good i think?
Favourite season: oof i like the heat but im gonna say winter bc i get to be emo and i can go walk on fresh snow 
Tattoos and piercing i have: none atm
Tattoos and piercing i want: hmmm idk if i want anything big but i always thought the track shoe/wing thing would be nice
The reasons I joined Tumblr: all my friends had it so i thought i would be cool if i made one
Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?: i have gotten some before and i appreciate them 
Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?: the last person i texted? surprisingly no
How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?: depends if i shower but i can get going in ~4-5 minutes
Have you shaved your legs in the past three days?: nope!
Where am I right now?: imagination room!
Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? hell yea who doesnt
Do I live with my Mom and Dad? not atm im chillin #dormlife
Am I excited for anything?: excited for the weekend
Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? hell to the yea of course
How often do I wear a fake smile?: everytime i feel weird around people idk usually i wouldnt say i smile that much unless im gooning 
If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?: I believe that the world will introduce me to people when i need it (lame answer: idk anyone but maybe like my friends’ friends)
What do I think about most? this week it’s been the french essay i had to write but overall i think about being appreciated 
Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? id be on both sides if i could but if i had to pick one id totally be in front
What was the last lie I told? oh haha i dont know (but i do know)
Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? PHONE CALLS
Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Hell yea what else am i supposed to be afraid of. aliens are super cool man of course i think theyre real
Do I believe in magic? NOPE! but theres been some crazy magic tricks where i almost believe but then i see the “how it’s done” video for it
Do I believe in luck? hell yea of course! why would it not exist? 
What’s the weather like right now? ughgh it’s disappointingly hot 
What was the last book I’ve read? Huis Clos by Jean Paul Sartre (i had to read it for class but it really is a great work of art)
Do I have any nicknames? B, Lil B(ones i have heard the most) Billiam, Broletariate Biu (my mom calls me that), (billy bear is an old one and i dont know why they ever used it in the first place), goomph, toad, frog, ugly ass, nerd, dork, dingus
Do I spend money or save it? i spend it haha kms i really need to save more efficiently
Can I touch my nose with a tounge?: nope just tried and looked like a fool
Favourite animal? oof i want to say dogs but thats basic but dogs are so loving like i dont get it how do they do it
What was I doing last night at 12 AM?: i was up and i was emo. jk i was hanging out and watching bad Freshman xxl cyphers
What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? Get Low by lil Jon or Faded (the remix) or change your mind by the killers. im gonna go ahead and say that change your mind gets my shit hyped UP
What is my favorite word? satiation
My top 5 blogs on tumblr: idk if im going to be honest i dont really use tumblr that much for personal blogs but i do love foodporn, til, ruined childhood
If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? love each other. 
Do I have any relatives in jail? i dont think so? oh jk theyre not really a relative but they’re a close family friend’s relative
What is my current desktop picture? FUKIN FUNCTIONAL GROUPS THAT I DONT EVER KNOW OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD EVEN THOUGH THERES A TEST IN 10.25 HOURS
Had sex? ye
Bought condoms? ye
Gotten pregnant? cant really say that i have :p
Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? yes
Had job? yep! summer job at the zoo which was cool af
Smoked weed? once or twice 
Smoked cigarettes? never.nope.disgusting
Drank alcohol? yes
Am I a vegetarian/vegan? i tried being vegetarian for a bit but then i wasnt eating enough red meat
Been overweight? as a kid i feel like i was overly big but now that i think about it i dont think i was fat
Been underweight? definitely
Gotten my heart broken? homeboy who hasnt?
Been to prom? yeep
Been in airplane? yeep
Learned another language? heck yes! english kek and im in the process of learning french. i tried learning lithuanian after a life changing experience. 
Wore make up? surprisingly no
Dyed my hair? nope! i dont want to bleach my hair
Had a surgery? uhhh does laser surgery count? bc ive had 3 so far and i might have more
Met someone famous? every time i walk by a mirror ;) jk i met the senator of WA and the mayor of Tacoma a couple times
Stalked someone on a social network? pfft hell yes
Been fishing? yep! it’s always an experience
Been rejected by a crush? rip me yes
What do I want for birthday? i want to have a nice get together with friends where we do stuff that i dont have to pay for (but i dont think thats how life works anymore)
Do I like my handwriting? I love it in pen and when i hit my ecrivain stride, but otherwise when my hands get sweaty its just a fkin mess 
Where do I want to live when older? i’ve always said paris, but zaragoza spain wouldnt be too bad!
Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? yea boi
What I’m really bad at: believing in myself 
What my greatest achievments are: i was a smart kid in elementary! i got some awards for getting good grades and i went to a competitive thing for piano once and i placed a couple times in some random races ive run
The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: oof i dont want to really relive that experience
What I’d do if I won in a lottery: id ask /r/personalfinance 
What do I like about myself: id like to think im gaining/losing healthy weight
My closest Tumblr friend: on tumblr?? idk i said i dont really use tumblr for friends but i’d probably say memequeen or sirmccartney
Any question you’d like? when am i going to meet up with my RA? no one knows idk i forgot about our meeting and hes really cool about rescheduling so i might do it this saturday
Are you outgoing or shy? it really depends on how im feeling but id like to think im pretty outgoing!
What kind of people are you attracted to? NICE FRIENDly people who can laugh. laughing is important to me
Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? personally i think yes
Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? nope!
Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? @thoseloverseyes most def
What does the most recent text that you sent say? “haha and then what ;)” jk it says” thank”
What are your 5 favorite songs right now? boy oh boy am i not ready for this question. Id think “this love, maroon 5″, humble (its a bop), “the air that i breathe, “open - rhye”, and rollin by calvin harris or this house by japaense breakfast idk the last one always changes
Do you like it when people play with your hair? i had a weird experience once but idk i think im willing to let other people touch my hair? not a fan 
Do you think there is life on other planets?of course. this topic is not up for debate. just bc our defition of life has not been found that does not mean that there is not life in other places where we are either 1) not looking or 2) life that we cant recognize due to our weird weird obsession with water like life does not have to use water as a conduit for essential functions
well that was fun and id say it took some time. it def got me feeling better about life. 7.8/10 i would do it again but im sweaty af from this hot ass room
peace!
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mamaimpala67 · 8 years ago
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Love is Great, Love is Kind, But Love is Not Blind (Part 19)
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Words: 2039
Warning: None
The words to the essay seemed to easily flow from the tips of Gabriel’s fingers and onto the screen of the computer that was shining in his eyes. Gabriel’s whiskey orbs followed the cursor as the letters appeared as he typed them. He seemed focused, concentrated, serious…
Until the sound of his phone ringing echoed throughout the lonely room.
Gabriel blinked frantically and reached into his pocket, grabbing the device and looking at the caller ID on the screen. His brother’s - Luci - name appeared on the screen. He stared at the name in awe for a while.
Gabriel hadn’t talked to his brothers since he left his home to go to college. At least, he hadn’t had a full blown conversation with one of them since he left. Sure, Luci - who was his second oldest brother - and Michael - who was the oldest - texted him every now and then and he replied with a simple message, but neither of them had called one another and Raphael - his last older brother - was out of the picture. He didn’t call or text Gabriel at all. Gabriel always had that feeling in the pit of his stomach that Raph didn’t like him, but he had no idea why. He didn’t push anything, though. He just let things be how they were meant to be.
The college student was so far into thought that he almost missed the call. He accepted it and placed the phone up to his ear, speaking first.
“Hello?” He asked with a bewildered tone.
“Hey little brother!!” Lucifer’s voice sounded from the other side of the line. “How have you been?”
“G-Good, I guess.” Gabe set the computer down by his side and swung his legs over the bed that he was laying on. “What about you Lucifer?”
“I’m doing well. Doing well.”
“That’s good to hear,” Gabriel mumbled so that it was barely audible. “Why did you call?”
“What? I can’t call my own brother? Is that a crime now?” Luci’s chuckle was heard from Gabriel’s side.
“No, it’s just...you never call. Always text.”
“I know, but this time I wanted to talk to you about something.”
Gabriel furrowed his brows as he pushed himself off the bed and made his way to the bathroom. “What is it?”
“When is your spring break?”
“In, about, two weeks, why?”
“How do you feel about going home for spring break?”
“No,” Gabriel answered rather quickly. He turned on the cold water, ran his hand through it, and then ran the same hand through his hair, dampening it. He then turned off the water.
“Please,” Lucifer said, his voice already dripping with sarcasm. “Answer faster.”
“What do you expect me to say Lucifer? ‘Sure! I would love to go home and see good ‘ol dad! You know, Dad! The one who cares more about counting bills than his own sons’ well being’?” Gabriel flung his arms in the air and made his way back to the bed, where he flopped down next to his laptop.
Lucifer sighed. “Gabe, I know that you have a bad relationship with dad. I mean, I do-”
“You have a bad relationship? Please! Why would he give you thousands upon thousands of dollars if you didn’t have a good relationship with him? Huh? Hell, he offered you twice as much as he offered me!”
“Think about it Gabe-”
“No! I’m not going to, alright! Once I left, I left for good. I’m paying my own way through college, earning money on my own, not relying on dad to help me through life every step of the way!” Gabriel made sure his voice was low so that people didn’t come up to his door with a noise complaint because he was shouting. Instead, he growled between his teeth.
“Then come home for Lilliana then!” Lucifer said with a strong tone.
Gabriel’s eyes widened upon hearing that familiar name ring through his ear drums. He slowly sat up on the bed, clenching one hand into a fist by his side. “Don’t you dare do that to me.” Gabriel said. “Don’t you dare bring her up!”
“You know that she misses us! You were her favorite, we all knew that! Raphe hated it, but that’s besides the point. We all knew that you were her favorite. Still are. She loved taking care of you the most!”
Gabriel brought his free hand up to his head and grabbed a handful of hair into his fingers. He sat there in silence, forgetting that his brother was on the other end of the line. For just that moment, he thought about the times when he was back home, with Lilliana.
Lilliana - at the time that Gabriel was four years old - was a forty-year-old house maid that was employed by Gabriel’s father. She wasn’t just the maid, though. Her job was to take care of the boys. After the kids’ mother died, they had no type of parental contact. God only knows that their father didn’t set aside time from his life in order to look out for them, or care for them. They didn’t have that type of contact from a parent that a baby, a child, so desperately deserved and needed. That was, until their father hired Lilliana. After that, it was as if their mother never left. She was there, always, with them. She was the most understanding person that would have ever graced the face of the earth. Whatever problem the boys had, she knew how to fix it. Hell, she even knew what the problem was before they spoke about it. She was just like that. An amazing woman filling an amazing position.
Lilliana, herself, was never married. She never had kids of her own - biological, that was, because Gabriel and his brothers were practically the kids that she had always wanted. Lilliana was the only person that could get Gabriel to go back and Lucifer knew it. He knew that she was his weakness. Gabriel didn’t want to leave such a wonderful woman in the hands of his father. He didn’t even deserve to be in the same house as her. She was so much more. She deserved so much more. And she was the reason why Gabriel was considering taking up Lucifer’s offer.
He knew she was a strong woman, though. He knew it. Lilliana could make it through her life with a horrible man like his father and still be happy. Gabriel just...missed her. How could he not? She was all that he had.
Finally, Lucifer spoke on the other end, knowing what Gabriel was thinking. Just, knowing. His brother was easy to read. Always was, to him at least.
“So, are you going to be coming home?” Lucifer asked for the last time.
Gabriel ran the hand that wasn’t holding the phone down his face and let out a heavy sigh. Even though the thought weighed heavily on, not only, his heart, but his brain as well, he still shook his head lightly. “No,” He said.
“No?”
“No.” Gabriel said with a stronger tone. “I told you once before that the answer was ‘no’ and now I’m telling you a second time. The final answer is ‘no’.”
Silence filled the room and the other side of the phone. Neither of them spoke to one another for, what seemed like, several minutes. It wasn’t until Lucifer let out a sigh on his end that he decided to speak.
“Fine,” Lucifer had a slight tone of irritation that was noticeable by his brother. “Be that way. If you change your mind, though, you can call me.”
“Bye Lucifer.”
“I’ll see you Gabriel.”
With that, the phone call ended. Gabriel threw the phone towards the end of the bed and buried his face into his hands. He had totally forgotten about the essay and the only thing that was in his mind was Lilliana.
Dammit Lucifer, Gabriel thought. How could I have forgotten her? I guess that I was just so involved with Dean that...Dean. Spring Break is in a couple of weeks? What are we going to do? Does he have a plan? He already took me to see his parents and I haven’t even brought up anything remotely good about my dad. Have I brought up my dad? Gabriel sighed. What am I going to do?
Gabriel brought his feet up to the bed and placed his computer back on his lap. He abandoned the essay, brought up Google, and thought. He wanted to get away from college during Spring Break, some place in the country that was quiet and serene and a place where Gabriel and Dean could enjoy themselves.
Gabriel searched for half an hour. He searched peaceful vacation places in the United States, but none of the options seemed all that enjoyable to him. He didn’t want a beach vacation or some nice looking hotel inside of some expensive city. No, he wanted something that was semi-affordable and something that both him and Dean would be able to remember. Then it hit Gabriel like a speeding bullet.
A lakeside house.
That was perfect! If he could find a place that was secluded enough as well as close enough to the lake, he and Dean would have a grand ‘ol time. He would also have to find someplace that was good when it came to price range. He could always connect the rent to his credit card. So he spent some time looking for good places by lakes that had good reviews and great rent prices. Finally, after a while of looking, Gabriel decided to make the vacation for Lake Michigan. He checked out some cabins and finally found one that was a couple hundred feet away from the lake itself. It was perfect and only a hundred dollars a night. Gabriel was able to afford that. He knew it without a doubt. The next thing he had to do, though, was ask Dean. He grabbed his phone from the end of the bed, dialed Dean, and pressed the device against his ear. It took a while, but Dean did answer.
“Hello?” Dean spoke from the other end.
“Hey Dean.”
“Hey sweetheart,” Gabriel could practically hear the smile on Dean’s lips. “What are you up to?”
“Nothing much.” Gabriel said. “I was just doing my essay when I started thinking about Spring Break. Did you have any plans?”
“Sit around with you and do nothing?” Dean chuckled.
Gabriel smiled at the response and shook his head. “Wonderful plans, but what do you suppose we go and do something? Go somewhere different?” Gabriel asked.
“Where did you have in mind?”
“I don’t know, I was thinking a lake house near Lake Michigan? How does that sound?”
“That sounds nice.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, as long as it will be just the two of us.” Dean said.
“Yeah, it’ll just be us. I already have a place picked out that I think you’ll really like. It’s right by the lake and everything!” Gabriel exclaimed, feeling proud of himself.
Dean chuckled. “That sounds awesome.” Dean said. “And we’ll have the whole place to ourselves, right?”
“I already said, ‘yes’.” Gabriel said.
“Alright, just making sure.”
Gabriel smiled a bright smile. “Awesome. I’ll book it. How about we stay there for a week?”
“That sound good.”
“Great.” Gabriel said as he began to do some work on his computer. “That’s awesome.” He chuckled. “Well, I’ll talk to you later Dean.”
“I’ll talk to you later sweetheart. Can’t wait to see you again.”
“Can’t wait to see you either. See ya.”
“See ya.”
Gabriel hung the phone up, smiled brightly, and set the phone by his side. He took the time to fill in the necessary information needed for him to be able to rent the house. It took him awhile to get the final details about when they would be leaving as well as when it came to payment options. He figured that he would just get it charged onto his credit card. After everything was complete, he got back to his essay, going at the same pace that he was before he got the call from his brother. It was as if nothing really happened.
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quietborderlineinfo · 8 years ago
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Hi I have a question or want your perspective on something please. So I've seen myself in other people's descriptions of bpd for a long time. My t thinks I might have it. If I have it it's the quiet type. But there's just some things that I can't see fitting? Or understand how they would be "quiet"? And some of the criteria I only experience very rarely or with certain people. 1/?
alright hey stargazer!
i can totally appreciate how much thought and detail you’ve put into this - i remember being in that place, and its so confusing and frustrating and frankly exhausting. breathe; from what youve said it sounds like your T is paying close attention and wants the best for you. over time, you’ll figure out what diagnosis & treatment(s) may work for you. until then, just focus on getting better one step at a time.
keep in mind that below i just discuss how the things you said relate to the diagnostic criteria, but no one here can diagnose you. definitely talk to your T (and if theyre not a psychiatrist, try to talk to one of those if you have access to a good one, since theyre more inclined to diagnose, in my experience)
also remember that you only need 5/9 for a diagnosis - so two people w bpd may have only 1 overlapping symptom. (so if you dont see yourself in everything you read, thats normal)
For instance 1 (frantically avoid abandonment) only w/ 2 relationships I’ve ever had, and these are more feelings than actions I take 2 (pattern unstable intense relationships) I’ve only had one significant relationship in my life and it was very intense and unstable, but I have no history of it but I also have no history of what I would call “close” relationships. I’m mostly avoidant of them) 2/?
1 & 2: saaame. i once asked a T if never letting yourself feel close to people was a form of attempting to avoid abandonment, and was told that it can be, if that’s why you do it. it can be hard to figure out why you do something you may have always done though, so it helps to both try to analyze past experiences and definitely to try to look at your feelings and how they’re motivating you as you go forward.
I’m not sure on the whole feelings vs actions thing; ask your T cause i think there can be a lot of grey area. and for #2, i had the same experience too; everyone who treated me seemed to think that the one relationship was enough evidence, i guess considering that avoidant behaviour. 
3 (id disturbance) I’m not sure exactly how this manifests or is separate from depersonalization. Like I don’t feel real when I try to engage in hobbies. I only exist when I’m doing things with others and then I feel fake and two dimensional (but this is getting a lot better and I’m afraid that means the symptom isn’t real) I’m not sure of my own hobbies and I have no internal motivations or knowledge base to make my own decisions. 3/?
. I can hardly tell right from wrong a lot of the time and use clues from others to help me. And I can change depending on the people I’m around. Is that what this means? This isn’t all things but some things 4 I am not in the slightest impulsive except if you count the impulsive texts I would send to that one intense relationship to make sure she didn’t hate me every few weeks 4/?
3. so depersonalization is a type of dissociation, so that’d fall under criterion 9. symptoms can get better and that absolutely doesn’t mean that you are now or have ever been faking; remission of symptoms with time and/or therapy is actually more likely than not. not knowing right from wrong is interesting cause at first i thought that was entirely unrelated, but realized it could come from not having an internalized moral system, which would definitely sound relevant.
what does fit the description is both not being sure of your hobbies (esp since it sounds like means youre not sure of what you enjoy/care about?), and changing depending on the people you’re around (if you feel like its more of an internal change than say, changing from business-appropriate speech patterns to something more casual when around friends vs at work).
the wiki page describes ID disturbance really well i think, but if you still have questions, definitely send them your T’s/our way.
4. neither am i, and i was still diagnosed. some people seem to think that it’s one criterion that has to be met though. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it is possible that it manifests only very specifically, like w me I’m only impulsive w self-harm or recklessly crossing the street.
5 (self harm) I’ve cut in the past but I can go years without cutting, but the urge to cut will always surface every few weeks whether I act on it or not 6 (affective instability) not sure I understand this. My emotions are so intense that I have a hard time doing anything but engaging in avoidant behaviors. Focusing on school and work is extremely difficult around my thoughts and feelings, Is that what this means? I can change really quickly too based on one thought or one outside occurrence5/?
Hi stargazer anon again. Sorry I’m all over the place with this I just get confused. So missing might be the part that addressed diagnostic criteria #7. basically yes I experience emptiness. I think The end of message 5 is relating to diagnostic criteria #6 (instability of mood) and message 7 is relating to diagnostic criteria #8 (anger). Sorry it’s a mess. But I don’t think there is anything important in the missing piece. I was just going through each symptom and comparing my experience w/ it
5. that certainly counts! (proud of you for keeping it to a minimum, hope you’re working w your T to eliminate it entirely!)
6. “Patients often describe affective instability as an “emotional roller coaster” that relates to a subjective sense of strong affects and emotions experienced in an uncomfortable, rapid sequence.”
what you described sounds intense, and to clarify the changeability i think it can have a lot to do with reacting really strongly to things in the environment/in relationships. you didnt talk too much about the changes, so id say it sounds like this likely fits, but warrants more discussion just to clarify.
7. aight √
But i don’t get angry at people usually. I used to have this pattern of withdrawing from my relationships because I was convinced they didn’t really like me and I wanted to see if they would come talk to me to sort of “test them” but knowing the whole time that I was a horrible person who didn’t deserve their love anyway and if they didn’t really love me then I didn’t deserve it (though have gotten way better at this with therapy). Is that what is meant by the cold shoulder? 7 I think/?
8. see idk, it’s possible that that’s anger for you, but it sounds like you’ll wanna think more about it. i think cold shoulder is more about refusing to engage someone because you are upset at them. to me, what you described sounds more like fear than anger, but only you can know that. idk about other quiet borderlines but for most of my life I’ve had anger far repressed 🤔
9. (for the sake of completion) depersonalization, which you mentioned in part 2, is a kind of dissociation
Sorry for this essay if not ok just ignore and delete. Sorry I’m just having a hard time cause so much of this feels like me but then so many of the hallmarks don’t at all, or only rarely appear. I think I have aVpd too and it makes it hard to know because some symptoms cloud each other. Thanks can please tag stargazer if you do answer it? 8/8 I think it was?
sorry for taking so long to respond! yeah its useful to have a full discussion with a psychiatrist about this especially when multiple disorders are in question. also remember that as much as we may seek the sense of identity labels can give us, you dont need to fit something specific to have valid pain that deserves to be treated and warrants a break from work.
please let us know if you have any follow-up questions. good luck - it’ll get easier with time & work!
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