#this does not really express my thoughts properly rn but idk how to word myself better ahshdsh

[vincent-sinclair-deserved-better]

shoutout to all non-american writers who include their own culture in their writing, even when the setting is not their home country

[rosefromc0ncret3]

there is always so much that has happened in my life every time I find myself on here again. I am currently feeling super overwhelmed with life and hoping the best for everything. today, I felt like I finally released all these emotions I have been feeling these past few months. I was so go go go that I was not able to properly feel these emotions. and I feel like I reached a breaking point today where I felt like I didn't know what to do. I am so tired of feeling this uncertainty with so many things all at the same time. I wish I didn't have this feeling. and its moments like this where I still wish I had my therapist to talk to. although she would tell me that im worrying about things that haven't happened yet. but it's so hard not to constantly think about whats next. I am so hoping for things to fall into place and im trying to trust in divine timing. but I hate the feeling of not knowing whats next. I want to cry but I feel like no tears are coming out. I have so much to be grateful for still but mentally im anxiously biting my fingernails. its been hard for me to sleep too. my thoughts always keep me up at night. I also know everyone around me is going thru their own things and I hate to burden people with my shit. especially when they're dealing with their own situations. during these moments where I do feel super down, im always torn between processing it on my own or reaching out to someone. I feel like I just keep it to myself until im properly able to say shit out loud. which I guess isn't bad at all. plus too much outside noise just fucks with me even more sometimes so yeah maybe its best I just do this for now and just word vomit. everythingoes just played on shuffle rn and I think its a message from the universe. I know this feeling isn't permanent, but god does it feel like shit when ur experiencing it. school is right around the corner and its my second year of my graduate program and im excited, yet nervous. I hope im able to juggle everything working back in person and also doing schoolwork/attending classes and taking care of things at home, like my mom. I hope im able to balance everything and still make time for myself. I know im doing everything that I can now in order to build the future I want for myself and ive def juggled many things in the past before but ah. growing pains are so hard. its like im always experiencing something new that I was not ready or prepared for. but I guess thats what happens when you grow up and thats part of the process. I just hope im doing everything right lol. its crazy that I preach so much individual decision making and self empowerment to my kids and on the inside its like im just as lost as them. I mean I guess that makes me relatable. sigh. I am so hoping that things work out and fall into place. so many things that are on my mind right now and its like I dont even know how to express it. its like I come here when I dont know what else to say or do. which I mean isn't a horrible alternative really. at least im doing something with whats on my mind. I am hoping that I’ll be okay. I am hoping to gain inner peace for myself and my loved ones. magic shop is playing, another message from the universe. I hope I can continue to be there for myself so I can be there for others. sigh. sometimes, i feel like when things start looking up, is when I feel like there's another curveball. stay being kept on my toes lol. and again, even though there's a lot of things that have worked out and stuff that I was worried about I no longer have to, its like idk what to do when another thing pops up in front of me. im being rly general rn but I feel like im just hella thinking out loud. my body feels tense and I feel extremely nervous for a lot. I was hoping to feel less tense coming here. its kinda helping. I know I need to let my feelings out somehow. and just make sure that whats going on in my head is just expressed in any way. eeee I am so afraid but im trying not to let the feeling of fear keep me from doing shit. but I know its normal to feel this way and I shouldn't suppress them or ignore them. I know I should just let them be right now and let it ride. telling myself that I will be okay. telling myself that my family, especially my mom, will be okay. telling myself that my friends and loved ones will be okay. reminding myself that all circumstances are temporary and I deserve the things that I want in this life. I am claiming that I will be okay. I claim abundance, happiness, financial stability, stability in general, and overall light. I am so in need of the energy from all my crystals and keeping them close to my heart as I type this all out. trusting in the universe and what it has in store for me and just trusting that things will be okay and will work things out. I am calm. I am peace. I am light. I will be okay. I am okay. I am safe. I am love. I am abundant. deep breath in. deep breath out.