#this commission was a gift to myself and god if this isn’t about to become my personality for the rest of my life

[hdmiports]

karina drawfee, god bless you for giving me a new personality trait by drawing my blorbos

[tundrainafrica]

Note: Instead of posting a meta or a fic today, allow me to take a quick break from that because I think I really need to appreciate some people here and the fandom overall.  

February 7, 2021. 

Today, I turned 24 and my boyfriend surprised me with a gift I think I’ll be taking to heart for a very long time. 

The story behind the gift was as precious (or even more precious) as the gift itself and I thought I’d share it since it turned out some content creators were involved in this gift and I very much want to express how much this gift has defined this day for me and will place my 24th birthday as one of those birthdays I don’t think I’ll ever forget. 

Apparently, I had casually dropped both my tumblr and my ao3 account during one of our conversations and somewhere around November he had started looking through my bookmarks, my posts on tumblr and some of my interactions with people in the fandom.

I should have seen it coming. It had started with my boyfriend suddenly asking about my hyperfixation with Levihan.

Sav? Shipping? Sav? Binge reading ships and meta posts? Sav? Gushing about a fictional ship?

And I remember gushing about this with my seemingly uninterested boyfriend a long night after explaining what was oddly the most out of character thing for someone like me. 

I was sharing with him my metas and hcs and maybe, I was dropping a few of my favorite quotes along the way and it turned out he was interested. Suddenly he was asking me about my favorite fics, my favorite scenes. Suddenly, he was rereading my favorite fics with me and a few times, he was quoting those same scenes. I did find out he was looking through my blog when I got a random message from a really sketchy tumblr telling me to open my facebook. 

I suspected a few times that he could be planning something. December passed with nothing and eventually he stopped asking so I clocked that as a fevered dream or unnecessary assuming on my end and didn’t think too much of it after. 

It turned out my boyfriend had messaged my favorite authors about their fics and he commissioned one of my favorite artists (if not my favorite) to draw a few photos and bound them into a Levihan Anthology 

And it feels fucking amazing to receive something like this. To get Levihan which helped me through the worst of 2020, bound forever as a book I can just open up and read anytime. And I guess tearing up at receiving such a gift had me thinking of a lot of things at once (which were always at the back of mind) but I thought of sharing now. 

The past year wasn’t easy. Actually. don’t think it’s an understatement to say this past year was dog shit. With the covid pandemic and all plans after that cancelled, I’m sure we can all agree we had our ups and downs. 

I had a lot of my own plans completely thrown out the window for numerous reasons. I had plans of going to law school part time while building a career. And, I got a job right after college to make these plans come true. In September the law school I got accepted to (after working so damn hard the past year to get accepted) denied my appeal for night classes. I decided to drop my enrollment to focus on my career. A week later, my job laid me off. 

And for once in my life, I wasn’t going anywhere. And I lived in a house where everyone was always doing something and as soon as I lost my job I was pressured to find another one. But as we all know, searching for a job during this pandemic isn’t easy. I was still reeling after having dropped my enrollment just to focus on my job only to lose that job the week after with no prior notice. Everyone around me was busy doing their own thing. I had no one to talk to and for a while, I was falling into this pit of depression. 

My days consisted of me hiding under the covers of my bed in between the few interviews I would take day to day. Around that time, I decided to binge watch Attack on Titan as well 

I was never one to get hyper fixated in ships. In fact, this was the first ship since Royai and Victuuri which I have been so passionate. And this is a whole new level of passion. I think this is the first time I’ve ever written so much in this small amount of time. It was slow going. Just like Levi and Hange’s relationship, my fixation with this ship was a slowburn. 

Those days alone, I was reading fanfiction by the bundle, I was scrolling through the Levihan tag like a simp, leaving kudos in ao3 on a throwaway account and just scrolling through random people’s tumblr accounts. 

What happened during the one month? And when I was alone, sad, lonely and stagnant with no one to talk to, when everyone around me was living their own lives, all I had alone in the bedroom was Levi and Hange’s stories to keep me company between interviews. 

And the meta analyses and headcanons I had about their relationship were teaching me things. They were teaching me that life was never about how quickly you progress or how far you go. Maybe the real winners in life are the ones who can build good relationships, build relationships so mutually satisfying they keep each other growing and in those few moments reading, headcanoning ships, I did realize, maybe even as stagnant as I was at that moment, my life wasn’t dogshit. 

No one’s life is dogshit for a few small bumps along the way. Sometimes it just is part of the process of growing, learning to get past the worse, learning to manage relationships. And maybe it’s these relationships which make life worth living. Maybe it’s these struggles depicted in these stories and the bounce back. Maybe it’s the love, the life, the emotions so carefully described and depicted in every single story which makes life, life. 

With every single fic I read and every single fan art I scrolled through. Levihan was teaching my things about love, loss and life. 

Sometimes, these fandoms are the things which can catch people before they fall too low into something. These works and stories authors and artists shared so generously were what pulled me out of this state and are what inspired me to explore this relationship for all the potential its worth and maybe share my own stories and headcanons which people may learn a thing or two from or maybe just find some comfort and hope in.  

And these inspirations eventually evolved to writing. Writing 10,000 words in a day in between three interviews? I never was a writer but somehow, I found myself spending hours exploring the themes of love, loss and life with our favorite pairing 

I didn’t start writing out of nowhere. I didn’t start making metas out of nowhere. I needed the right inspiration, the right content to get me into this point where I could continue writing, reading, meta-ing, appreciating, headcanoning and everything in between.

And I just wanted to express my gratefulness to every single person in the fandom who had made it possible for me to pull out of that blackhole. Fandoms are underrated and I believe there are so many lessons which can be learned from the right content and from the right people. 

To the people who so willingly went along with my boyfriend’s little project: 

@faerielleart​ I saved A LOT of your art and they’re sitting in my google photos under a folder called Levihan and maybe I did share a few of your photos (the cheeks one and the beast titan one and the les miserables) ones to my boyfriend unsolicited just to show him how beautiful Levihan can be. Thank you so much for these beautiful drawings.

@lizaloveslevihan​ You were one of the first people I talked with in this fandom and dreams really was one of those stories that fucked me up a little bit, had me make a few misses on the commute on the way home one day but maybe it did have me explore the angst genre a little more, maybe it did have me explore Levi’s character a little more. 

@ariadneamare​ YELLOW. OH GOD. You know those letters? The ones which Hange left Levi at the end of the story? I ended up copying and pasting them and sending them to my boyfriend right after reading and I remember talking to him about this. We might be facing that same type of story in the future and I guess that ended up becoming a lot of foundation of our discussion and I guess, it’s just proof that there is so much to learn from fanfiction. There’s just so much to explore and fanfiction as a genre just does not get the credit it deserves.

@fanmoose12​​ I was exploring your works even before I started this tumblr up again. Maybe it was even your works which got me building my own headcanons from Levihan and writing from there. And I think I did leave a few anonymous messages telling you how I started exploring other genres because of your fics. Your works got my out of my dark place, it got me exploring a lot of other genres and for that I’m eternally grateful.

And somehow, my boyfriend picked that all up from late night discussions and one-on-one metas. Surprisingly, he wasn’t just playing along to humor his girlfriend. He was exploring the themes of love, life, loss and Levihan right along with me. (And got spoiled about Hange’s death along the way… Oops.) 

And I am eternally grateful for that and I made sure to shower him with a lot of kisses after he kept me in the loop with what has been going on these past few months with his sudden interest in Levihan.

And this huge thank you goes out to all content creators (authors, artists, gif creators, shitposters alike). Sometimes you never know who’s thinking about your work, who’s shoehorning your works and quoting them to their best friends. Sometimes, you never will find out but your work had pulled someone out of a blackhole which they’ve been stuck in and sometimes you never know that your work has been that seemingly small thing that had taught them a lesson in love, life or relationships. Sometimes, that one work turned out to be an inspiration which got them writing and sharing their own stories or making their own drawings

And I guess, the point is, keep writing. Keep drawing. Keep sharing pouring your love, passion and emotions into works of art because you never really know whose heart you touched or whose life you changed.

I have a job now. I decided to push law school a few years back and maybe take the time to work on myself now and maybe spend the next months or maybe years writing metas and fanfictions. I was pulled out of my hole. I was inspired. I have my own stories to tell and I don’t think I would have been here if I hadn’t spent the last few months reading fic after fic, meta after meta, appreciating art after art, 

So anyway, I just wanted to share some pics of my favortie fics, immortalized in one anthology, all organized by my boyfriend. And I think he made some great decisions with these.

(Bookbinding credits to @mayerwien)

[melodyalanaroster]

To answer some Fanfic Questions...

So, this is my response to @broxklynn‘s post... I decided to make this its own post... So that It can be properly answered.

1. How and why did you start to write? Is there some kind of story behind it?

I started writing in general when I was in elementary school... Back when I just had a Platform 9 3/4 journal, not many friends, recess, and a desire to immerse myself in the world of Harry Potter. I enjoyed writing, and even joined the Writer’s Club in High School (but I eventually left to join Anime Club and Divergent Thinking Society). As for writing MCL fanfiction, I began writing Sam’s and Alana’s stories as early as when I first got into the fandom, back in 2013. Alana’s story started out as “A Fresh Start”, had a one shot called “When I Wake”, then turned into “Let The Dawn Be Broken”, and is now “The Melancholy Of Melody Alana Roster”. The final product barely has any hints of the first 3... In fact, Sam’s story, “Fighting Darkness”, has been completely debunked due to what I’ve decided to canonize in “The Melancholy Of Melody Alana Roster”. Writing MCL fanfiction has been a major help in distracting me from the depression that was caused by family issues, severe abuse, Stockholm Syndrome, my mom’s disease and her death, as well as working at several shitty jobs. Writing has helped me escape reality and keep myself sane enough to not be a black hole of hate, anger, and sadness to my friends and boyfriend.

2. What do you struggle the most with your writing?

There are 2 major things I struggle with... 1 is Timing. I often set deadlines for myself that I never meet and it makes me so frustrated that I miss them... There are currently things in my drafts that were meant to be “Holiday Specials” for Valentine’s Day and Halloween 2020 that are still unfinished... It makes me feel like I’m letting my readers down, when its more of me letting myself down... The other thing is Inspiration. Because I hate my job, I often think about Alana’s story in an effort to not be completely consumed by the fact that I do hate my work... Due to that, I often come up with ideas for my story that I think are FANTASTIC for my story... But, by the time I get home, I’m either in too much pain or too tired to write, or I’ve forgotten the ideas...

3. What is your favorite genre to write?

I love writing Romance with a bit of Slice of Life and a hint of Action/Adventure... 

4. Slowburn or “Flame”/PWP?

Slow burn any day.

5. How do you overcome writer’s block?

If I absolutely can’t write... I work on other stuff I need to do... Typically, something around the house, or something online I need to do... I also look for cool stuff to add to wish lists... I’ll occasionally play videogames or read comic books... In an effort to subvert writer’s block, I like having multiple chapters in my drafts at once. If I’m not in the mood to work on one chapter, I can work on a different one.

6. What kind of thing you dislike the most, when reading a fanfiction? (for example: particular plot, grammar mistakes)

One thing that makes me upset (and it makes me madder when I do this) is misspelling... Especially when it looks like its almost blatant... You have autocorrect, USE IT! Or when a fanfic is so awful, yet the author acts like their work is a gift from god... I don’t mind a “bad” fanfiction... Hell, the concept of “My Immortal” is so bad that its hilarious... But Fifty Shades did a lot of damage and E.L. James acts like she’s bigger than Jesus... Seriously, she wrote Twilight fanfiction, changed some minor details and names, people who have no knowledge of BDSM ate it up, and she acts like she’s a “Sex and Relationship Guru”...

7. What’s the biggest issue for you, when writing a Beemoov fanfiction?

The biggest issue for me is finding out when to allow for Beemoov’s writing and placement to take place in my story. I don’t like a lot of the events of UL and LL, so I’m often finding myself in a position where I have to watch video playthroughs and go “Okay, how can I omit this character, but keep this scene?”. I’ve had to do that A LOT with Alexy and Rosalaya.... Although, to a certain extent, I’ll often cut their scenes out altogether. I really hate what Beemoov did to them. They were great characters in HSL, but became utter shit in UL and stayed shit in LL. To make up for Beemoov’s writing style, I’ve created my own characters, added in old characters (like Kentin and Armin), added in bits from the manga (like Viktor, Severina and their fathers), and gone off on my own storyline. The Melancholy Of Melody Alana Roster is close to MCL at times, but often veers off onto its own road.

8. Have you ever created a character based on person in real life? (celebrity, someone that you know, etc)

YES!!! A LOT of characters in my story are based on real people! Alana’s step-father, Nate Films, is closely based on Nathan Fillion. A lot of her family members are based on members of my own family, just changed a bit to fit the story. Lynne Roster, Alana’s mom, is what I had always dreamed my own mom would be... Hell, Alana’s cat, Sylvester, is based on my own childhood cat, Luna.

9. How do you feel about your own characters? Do you think of them as your babies or have rather love-hate relationship with them? (And, do you have favorite one?)

I love most of my characters. I do hate 3 in particular... But, you’re supposed to hate, or at least not respect, them... That’s why I poured my hatred into them... Those 3 are Carol, Kai and Azrael. Carol has aspects of my abuser in her. You’ll see more of her when I finally post the HSL related chapters... And understand what I mean... Kai is based on one of my real life cousins that I’ve not been happy with for years (the one who my bf has deemed “the family failure”). You mainly see him in the Cousin Mels chapters, and in the Christmas Special... Azrael is the one who is seen the most in the UL chapters, and she is a main adversary for Alana. She is the one who broke her the most, the one who ended Alana’s relationship with Nathaniel, the one who truly traumatized her. As for ones I love... The one I love the most is Alana... I know, she’s a reflection of me, so that’s kind of vain... But, she’s a part of me. When I do finish her story and am at the point where I need to say “Goodbye”, it will hurt....

10. Enemies-to-lovers or friends/bestfriends-to lovers?

Definitely friends/best friends to lovers. I also like toying with what happens when best friends turn to lovers, but circumstance parts them and one moves on...

11. Is it easy for you to get inside your character’s head? Can you empathize with them? Is there’s some similarities between you and your main character?

It is VERY easy for me to get into Alana’s head... Like I said in #9, she is a reflection of me. She looks and acts like how I’d like to in a lot of situations... Her life is more interesting, traumatized, and more well off than mine... But, she is still me in major ways...

12. Who has been the biggest supporter of your writing?

Definitely my boyfriend. He doesn’t really understand the game itself... But, he likes how happy it makes me and he respects how much of my heart, soul, blood, sweat and tears that I’ve poured into writing my story. He loves listening to me read passages from it to him while I’m working. He gives me advice and his opinion is highly valued... My family knows I’m writing a large story, and have seen some of the images that I’ve gotten commissioned, but they don’t really know or care about the game. They do respect the fact that I am writing. They love the fact that I’m slightly following in my mom’s footsteps in that regard (she wrote 3 books and several poems). My online friends have been very supportive as well! I’m constantly updating them on what I’ve worked on each day in my Discord Server and the words of encouragement always help.

13. How do you handle criticism?

Not well. Due to the abuse and family issues mentioned in #1, for a good amount of my life, I’ve gotten nothing but harsh criticism... So, now that I’m away from all that, at 26 years old, I’m just now getting to a point where I’m starting to take it better... But, I’ve got a long way to go.

14. Do you like giving your characters trauma? Why/why not?

I hate sounding like a sadist... But, I’m going to anyway, so fuck it... Yes. I have done awful things to Alana over the years. In A Fresh Start, she got sexually assaulted and ostracized. In When I Wake, she gets into a car crash, put into a coma, and in her dream state murdered by Francis in front of Nathaniel. In Let The Dawn Be Broken, the plan was for her to end a war. In “The Melancholy of Melody Alana Roster”, her childhood cat dies, her mom gets sick, she gets abused by Carol, her best friends get ripped away from her for a bit, she gets sent to a country halfway around the world alone, she gets assaulted and ultimately turned into a weapon of mass destruction.... I’ve even thought of killing her mom off at one point... But decided against it...

Now, granted, A Fresh Start and Let The Dawn Be Broken never saw completion, but happy endings were planned for them...

I do this, all while giving Alana happy endings in each story because “If Alana can go through utter hell and make it through, then so can I.”... I know, I’m “god” in that regard and I can control how Alana’s life is.... But, the fact that in my writing, she ends up standing tall, happy, with everything she wants, after everything she goes through does make me feel better.... 

15. Are you proud of yourself? When you look at first piece you wrote and compare it to the latest one?

Yes. If you look at A Fresh Start, you can tell it was written by someone fresh out of High School. There’s no real depth to it. Let The Dawn Be Broken isn’t much better... But, The Melancholy of Melody Alana Roster has become my magnum opus. It is the largest piece I have EVER written, and will probably remain the largest piece I write. I am very proud of what I have created... And when its last word is written, and I am ready to get it made for it’s place on my shelf, I will feel very bittersweet about it... That being said, my original plan for a sequel involving Nathaniel’s and Alana’s daughter, Aurora, has been discarded. I don’t believe Aurora could ever have as much of my heart that her parents do...

And there you have it! Some insight into my world, writing, and history!

[malecacidd]

So... Do you have any fic recs? 👀👀👀

Um????? Vi?????? Yes absolutely?????? Ily????? Kfkzkdnsk 🥺🥺🥺 and aaaaaaa I'm sorry if you've read some of these but!!! Here are some recs 🥺🥺 aaaaa

Chaptered Fics

So I'm splitting this into categories between chaptered and one shots because I can. Also if I know the person has a Tumblr I'll be tagging them too kfkskfks

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Turn Your Back on Mother Nature by @siriuspiggyback

Ghosts aren't people. This is something that Klaus learned when he was small. Ghosts aren't people, because people are more than the hate and fear and anger inside of them.

But Ben is different. Isn't he?

/Evil Ben fic that brought me loads of pain/10 chapters/36k words/Rated teen and up with a warning of graphic violence/

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This Is the First Day of My Life by @dyll-pickless

There was a stretch of silence. “Fine,” he eventually said. “Don’t get yourself killed.”

Klaus grinned. “I won’t.”

-OR-

In attempting to find more information on his brother's death, Klaus Hargreeves gets caught up in a lot of trouble with some very powerful people.

/Mob au that I love very very much/14 chapters/40.5k words/Rated teen and up with a warning of graphic violence/

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Unfamiliar by @caedi

A sleep deprived Klaus accidentally stumbles into a difficult discussion with Ben. One that's been haunting them both for sixteen years.

This changes a few things for the 1963 apocalypse. Other things stay the same.

/A kind of rewrite of the last few episodes of s2 that broke my heart and I love very much/4 chapters/25.5k words/Rated mature with no archive warnings/

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What was Lost in the Portal by @is-jus-me

“Five? What happened?” Vanya asked.

“I- I don’t remember,”

Five managed to successfully return to 2019, but there was a problem, not only did he return to his 13 year old body, but he also lost his memories about the apocalypse and the commission.

Basically, life was shit.

/Amazing fic that I love and beta'd mdnsjd/5 out of 7 chapters posted/4.3k words/Rated general with no archive warning/

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last ones standing by penhaligon (on ao3)

Ben's only haunt options are the apocalypse or a cold dark slithering place, and he thinks that the universe must really have it out for him.

/idk how to describe this but basically, 'good' kfkdkdkd it's good/2 chapters/12.6k words/Rated general with no archive warnings/

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One shot timeeeee kfmskdks

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To Be Or Not To Be by AllThoseOtherWorlds (on ao3)

When Five took them back to the start of the week for a re-do, Ben wasn't expecting to suddenly find himself in Klaus's body, but sometimes things like that happen. Now he has to explain some things to their siblings, figure out Klaus's powers so they can switch back, and perhaps most importantly, convince himself and Klaus that switching back is the right thing to do.

/One of my favorite fics/7.7k words/Rated teen and up with no archive warnings/

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A quiet kind of hurt by @whatisthis-whatamidoing

Ben had been having a nice day, eating his ice cream and watching his brothers bicker. Until a friendly dog tried to say hello.

or

Ben has trauma surrounding animals

/Have you ever wanted pain and sibling bonding all in one fic? Read this jfkskd I love it/2.5k words/Rated teen and up with warning for graphic violence/

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don't forget your lines by @zontiky

Dave goes on a lot of dates, and a lot of people die.

/I can't believe I'm reccing this but it's actually good minus the bit of bave/murder mystery shitshow/2.7k words/Rated teen and up with a warning for major character death/

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the first day of the rest of our lives by hujwernoo (on ao3)

Klaus should really stop coming to the alley. It's not like it helps anyone. Everyone is probably dead, so all he's accomplishing is making himself feel shitty. This is the last time, he decides. After today, he'll stop coming.

Turns out he's real fucking lucky he didn't decide that earlier.

/s2 fix it or rewrite of Klaus' arc in which he finds Allison at the alley and I love/5.2k words/Rated teen and up with no archive warnings/

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Two Presents by @evelinaonline

How does one surprise their dead brother that follows them around everywhere with a Christmas gift? Well, Klaus better figure it out soon, because Christmas is right around the corner and Ben isn't going anywhere.

/GENUINELY IN MY TOP 3 FAVORITE FICS GO READ RN/2.5k words/Rated general with no archive warnings/

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Life After Death, Literally by Tremble (on ao3)

Ben Hargreeves is a lot of things. He’s a brother, an ex-superhero and now an ex-ghost. He was dead, but he “lived” over ten years as a ghost. Becoming a living human, or as human as somebody with eldritch horrors living just under the skin can be, is going to take a bit of an adjustment period.

AKA 5 times Ben forgot he was alive +1 time he remembered.

/The cutest most wholesome shit I've ever read/5k words/Not rated with no archive warnings/

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The Dead Make Better Company Than The Living Sometimes by Scarlet_Nin (on ao3)

“This is a bad idea.”

“You’re such a worrywart, Benny!” Klaus squints at him, shifting on his feet at the entrance of a graveyard. He can hear the faint howls of screams in his ears, the coldness seeping into his bones, freezing him into place. “It’s gonna be fine. As easy as a piece of cake. Hey, you know what? We should go out and eat cake after this. You love cake.”

Ben shakes his head. “Look at yourself! You don’t even want to do this, so let’s leave.”

Klaus glances down at him, sexy boots with heels and his favorite fur trimmed jacket. “I look fabulous. Don’t know what you mean.”

“You’ve been standing here for the past hour, trembling and trying to talk yourself up to take a single step further and yet you’re still standing here. Let’s go home, Klaus.”

Yeah, no. Not happening. He's here to prove something. Leaving now would be a waste of time. It would prove Daddy dearest right and Klaus hates that thought more than what he's about to do. If it all goes well, Five and the others would stop being so stressed and he'd earn himself some browney points in family bounding. Easy peasy.

Or not. Because ghosts in a graveyard are like rabid dogs fighting over a juicy steak.

/The summary is so long I'm so sorry nfjsjdjs/This fic is amazing pls read/8.2k words/Not rated with no archive warnings/

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So, with nothing else to do, Ben drifted. He just didn't expect to be pulled back into where most people go to enjoy their afterlife.

Take Me Home (I've Lost Myself) by @malecacidd

~^~

Reginald dies and god pulls Ben up to let them talk.

/FUCK IT I'M DOING A SELF PROMO BC THIS FIC GOT LESS ATTENTION THAN I WANTED AND I GENUINELY LIKE IT KCJZJDMSMS/2.8k words/Rated teen and up with no archive warnings/

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Okay that's all I'm doing because this is getting long JFJZJDNZNDNSKSK but 🥺🥺🥺 I hope you like these!!

[delldarling]

charting dreams | spiros

a commission for an absolutely wonderful anon!

male deity x female reader 5k words lemon | dream sex, creampie, hints of future angst additional note: ‘night flying’ ointment is a real thing, BUT please consult healthcare professionals or experts and do copious amounts of research before seeking it out and dear god, don’t ever ingest it, please & thank you

————-　✵　————-

There are… Way more books on the subject than you thought there would be. Which is good! Being able to compare information will help you find one that works well for you, but honestly? It’s kind of depressing that none of them have that old-world magic-looking binding. Just once you were kind of hoping that you might stumble onto something tangible and magical outside your dreams. If you can, you’re going to complain about the lack of embossed covers and fancy sounding titles when you see him again.

If you see him again.

Thus, the books. Lucid dreaming has been on your mind for quite a while now. It’s an interesting turn of phrase, and the thought of it, what all the books describe it as: Being able to bend your dreams to your will? That sounds pretty damn awesome. It’s not like this all came out of nowhere though. You’re not looking into it because of nightmares, which is apparently fairly common, or because you have some kind of serious yen for knowledge about brains and dreams. You’ve been… Dreaming of someone. 

It would probably sound like some kind of fairy tale to anyone that hadn’t experienced it, and most people would just write it off as some kind of intensely vivid, though random, series of dreams. You’d been half tempted to do that at first too, of course. 

It had all started out as crystal clear flashes in your dreams, like a perfect memory of a favorite movie scene. Simple conversations about your day held on a fancy looking carousel, glittering golden lights drawing your eyes away from your companion. Some days you traded amusing anecdotes under towering arches, draped over the top with what you first thought was blue gauzy material and fairy lights. Instead, you found out that they were actual fairy lights, little winged beings flitting about in a storm, eating holes in the sky.

“Stars,” he’d explained, pulling you to a stop as one of the little pixies pulled a dark blue swirl from the sky, like midnight-colored cotton candy, and ate it, leaving a gleaming star-like hole behind. You’d felt such an intense sense of wonder, heart loud in your chest, that you’d woken yourself up, hand actually outstretched as if you could touch-  

They were wonderful and strange, and you remembered them with a clarity that you’ve never associated with dreams before. You could smell things - sweetness in the air, salt water on the breeze, and you could feel the heat and cold when you walked by his side. Still, it hadn’t been hard to write it all off as nothing more than an overactive, tired mind. Maybe you’d binged too many fantasy stories in media lately and your brain was just mushing everything together? Never mind that you can’t recall anything recent about pixies eating holes in the sky. 

They’ve continued though, the dreams, the meetings you have with him. Far off places on maps are spread out before you like a feast, his arm warm under your hand as he escorts you or does his best to leave you breathless with laughter. You’ve always woken from those dreams invigorated, but with the strange sense that you were missing something, until- his face. On a shore with cresting orange waves, you turn away from the blinding glare of reflective sunshine, and then you see him, draped in a dark chiton, just before you wake.

Even having seen it just the once, you can’t erase it from your thoughts. The color of his eyes, shades shifting when you unfocus, like photographs of far flung nebulae. The impression of feathers twined with his hair and yet arching away from his temple like actual wings. The way his lips look when they shape your name, his hand taking yours so he can twine your fingers together-

He’s too beautiful to be true.

You’re both convinced you’ve made him up, and absolutely convinced you couldn’t have. Aren’t people supposedly only able to see those they’ve seen before in their dreams? And you know, without a doubt, that you’ve never seen anyone that looks like him in your day to day life. Unless he’s just a piece-meal of people or ideas you’ve found attractive. Even then, you’re not sure you could have put him together so smoothly. 

It’s hard to believe that you’ve made him up though, when he declares that he is real. That, at least, has never happened before. Though you’re not sure you’ve ever taken the time to ask someone if they were a product of your imagination when you’ve been dreaming, having been too caught up in your imagined adventures yourself. 

One night he’s stroking his thumb over your cheekbone, claiming that you should chart your dreams-

“Prove it,” you blurt, and you can feel your pulse speed. His image wavers, there and gone, and his eyes widen. “Prove that you’re real,” you clarify and your pulse ratchets up another notch. 

“How?” He asks with a laugh and then takes your hand in his, clinging almost, like he can’t quite believe he’s touching you - never mind that he’s touched you before. His laugh sounds strained though, and the smile on his face is… Thin. “And you must calm your heart, dear one. You’ll wake, and how will I prove myself then?”

“I don’t-” know, you’re about to say, but he presses a finger to your mouth, worrying at his lower lip as he glances over your shoulder.

“Perhaps… Perhaps, I can tell you the dreams of those near you,” he says softly. “Yes, wait here for just a moment.” He does vanish then, and the dream loses a bit of clarity. You have a vague memory of being unable to read one of your favorite books, and then he’s back, whispering random sounding things into your ear, arms curled around your middle. “A family dog, a work dispute interrupted by a cart of apples, and a great webs, knitted by a grandmother. Ask your neighbors,” he pleads, mouth deliciously warm where it’s brushing your ear. “I am real, and I know their dreams - ask them,” he urges, and then you wake.

He’s so strangely eager for you to believe him, and after that list... You give in to the mild embarrassment and make awkward small talk with two of your neighbors. Bringing up recent dreams in front of the mailboxes is a little difficult, but you manage, if not exactly smoothly. You half hope it comes to nothing, that they brush off your questions and move on with their day - what are you even doing, trying to prove that a dream man is more than a figment? But one of them mentions an old dog they used to have, and then the other claims they dreamed or arguing with their boss. 

“-we were at the bottom of a hill though, and one of those old apple carts came tearing down, nearly mowing us both to the ground. It was a bit more.. Vivid than usual, I suppose.”

“‘S nothing,” your other neighbor interrupts with a laugh. “My kid thinks great grandma must be a spider and has nightmares about her knitting webs as gifts.” 

With a peculiar fluttering feeling in your chest, you march right back into your place. He’d been telling the truth.

Or you’d become prescient. You’re not sure which is the more likely, but… 

Lucid dreaming. 

You crack into the stack of books you’d taken home from the library with eagerness. You want to try and take control in your dreams not only because manipulating them would be interesting, but because you’re desperate to prove that he’s more than a figment on your end. You try not to get caught up in thoughts of prescience - even if he is real in some way, it’s still a bit hard to believe you’re suddenly able to tell the future, even through dreams. You’re tempted to bring that up though, just like the very non-magical looking books, when next you see him. 

There are a copious amount of notes and preludes in nearly all of the books, as well as the articles you’ve looked up online, that say to not get your hopes up. Lucid dreaming apparently doesn’t work the same way for everyone, and the results are rarely immediate.

Succeeding on the first try isn’t unheard of, one person writes, but it is exceedingly rare. True success will come in stages, starting with Awareness. Are you aware that you’re dreaming? Are you aware of where exactly you are in your mindscape? And that brings us to another important vocabulary word: Mindscape.

“Mindscape,’ you mutter, flicking idly through the pages. Some of the books are very cut and dry, but on the other hand, the articles and first hand accounts on the internet are… Kind of out there. You feel less like you’re researching and more like you’re getting drawn in by click bait or conspiracy theories when you read about personal mindscapes and see the hand drawn maps. Some of them are detailed enough - in both drawing and description - that you wonder why they aren’t trying to market them. 

Still. You try and gather up information without getting your hopes up about it all, but honestly that’s the most difficult part. Having already experienced something.. Other while you were dreaming, you can’t help but think maybe you’ll have the upper hand. He’d told you, more than once, that your dreams had felt different to him, so you can’t get it out of your head, and... your hopes are most definitely up. 

You clear your schedule, and even buy some special kind of ointment meant to help aid in lucid dreaming, heavy with mugwort and pennyroyal. The fancy art on the jar reads Night Flying in filigree letters, but on the back, in very large red print is: DO NOT INGEST. Half of you wants to set it aside, but you have done the research. On your forehead and temples only, or sometimes- you check your notes, wrinkling your nose when you see the written neck, and feet included. You open the jar, still unconvinced, but it only smells faintly of mint. 

You’re unashamed to admit that you use less than the recommended smear, just to be safe. You settle down in bed, going through the breathing exercises that supposedly help aid sleep, and cross your fingers. 

Not much happens. You wake in the morning, feeling well rested and too lethargic to get out of bed, but- No dreams. Not that you recall, anyway. Your hopes crash hard for a few hours and you clean your face and neck of the flying ointment a little more viciously than you need to. It seems so silly in the light of day, but you can’t shake the feeling of those dreams. Not the memories of them, crystal clear, not the weight of his hands in yours. But he hasn’t always shown up every single night. 

You try again. And again, and it isn’t until the third night, when your pillow now seems to be steeped in the scent of minty pennyroyal from the ointment, that you finally achieve a vaguely lucid dream. 

You’re walking down the street when you realize that you can’t hear the sounds of traffic, and then- Then you realize you’re dreaming. Your heart rate picks up, and you spin in place, exuberant, wondering why you’re turn seems to take twice as long as normal - and then there’s a plain looking door standing in the middle of the sidewalk. You walk towards it, after all, where else is there to go? But as soon as you place your hand on the plain brass handle, you frown. Between the books and the disappointment of not being able to tell the future, of not getting to see him, you.. You want magic in your life. You’d rather walk through a door that reminds you of Narnia, with gilded edges and some kind of fancy door knocker, than walk through one that looks like you can push it over with a strong breeze. 

Concentrating on actually changing a dream takes way more effort than you would have thought though. If you close your eyes, it seems to give your subconscious enough tether to try and take back control. You close your eyes, and instead of seeing the fancy door you would have wanted, you’re distracted by thoughts of fluttering pages- no. You open your eyes, forcing yourself back on track, and laugh, finding your hand not on a plain brass handle, but on an ornate knocker. You smooth your fingertips along the swirling lines of it, pleased with yourself. Maybe it’s not quite what you’d hoped, but you’ll happily take it. You knock and then step back, assuming with every fiber of your being that he’s going to be on the other side, that he’s going to swing it open and pull you into his arms, but- The door creaks open, revealing a plain looking room with purple windows. It’s disappointingly empty, and he isn’t anywhere to be found.

You take a step into the room, letting the door close quietly behind you and then glance down at your hands. Lucid dreaming is all about being able to change things, isn’t it? You think of him, breathe deeply, and snap your fingers, willing him to appear with everything that you have within you.

Nothing happens. You’re still alone, with only the slightly hazy room for company. You can’t help but feel like you’re missing an intrinsic piece to the puzzle of his presence. Maybe you need to call his name, but… 

You frown at the ornate rugs beneath your feet, eyes getting distracted by the whirling patterns. You’re not entirely sure you can remember his name. You have vague memories of him telling it to you, but all of those seem to be the ones in which you hadn’t yet been able to see his face. For a half second, the weight of disappointment bows your showers. Maybe you have made him up. You blink, and the dream seems to lose focus, your lucidity ebbing like a tide. You’re on the verge of waking, you realize, and then his voice is heavy in your ear, his lips warm as they brush against the shell of it, saying quickly, and fondly: “My name is Spiros. Don’t forget it so easily next time, hm?”

You wake with his name on your lips, half expecting him to manifest inside your bedroom. After a few heart stopping seconds though, you have to sigh. It stays tragically empty, and yet the heat of him, the texture of his lips- you can still feel it. You’re not going to give up.        

After a while though, you feel like all your free time is spent sleeping. You experiment with the flying ointment, but after the last two or three times, decide that you no longer need help. The awareness of lucid dreaming happens more than half the time now, and you can change some things, but otherwise… You’ve been spending each night combing through strange places, catching the barest glimpses of him over the horizon, hearing his voice, faint on the breeze. Maybe, you tell yourself one evening, you need to stop chasing him. It’s like trying is only tiring you out, making you wander through long roads, only to find he was right where you left him. He doesn’t feel like a figment any longer, but the fact that he doesn’t is beginning to scare you, just a little. You can’t spend all your time searching for him, can’t spend all your time sleeping. You decide to stop chasing, even if you still practice actual lucid dreaming. But then, the next time you achieve more than awareness, more than that sense of reality, Spiros is waiting for you. 

“Been searching, have you?” He teases, reaching out for your hand and- you can feel him. The faint whorls of his fingertips, the drag of his nails over the palm of your hand. It’s more than just the strange clarity from before, or the sense of being aware, Spiros’ feels real, and if you couldn’t see the shifting nebulae of his eyes, you might think you were actually awake. He tugs you a step forward and then turns you about in quick whirl, leaving the room with the faint sense of spinning, like you’ve actually been turning too many fast circles on your feet. 

“Who are you?” You can’t help asking, letting him take another few dancing steps before you put your feet down, refusing to be moved. “I’ve been chasing you, trying-”

“Spiros,” he says, coyly, like he thinks you might be teasing him back. “Haven’t we talked about this before?”

“Not your name,” you say, glancing past his shoulder. Maybe you shouldn’t be staring quite so intensely at his eyes. The dizziness hasn’t yet faded. “Who are you, that you can jump into another person's dreams? I’ve been researching, you know, and- I still can’t figure it out. How you knew about my neighbors. I thought for sure that I was fooling myself. Or maybe that I was prescient,” you confess, embarrassment wrapping around you like a cloak. “But if you’re real-”

“My apologies,” he says, and even more strange than knowing that this is all a dream is that you can feel it. His sincerity, heavy in the air, and it sounds like… It sounds like cricket song. “For leading you on a chase. I cannot come often, there are too many dreams to spin, but-” He rests his forehead against yours, eyes falling closed. “I cannot seem to stay away.”

“Why?” You ask, just as confused, if not more so. 

Spiros pulls away, eyebrows raised and for a moment his jaw works, like he’s searching for the words to say. 

“You,” he says insistently. “Something about your dreams kept me coming back, but it was you that made me stay. Don’t you remember our talks?” Spiros asks, hair brushing against your cheek as he leans in again, and- feathers, there are wings, tangled in hair somewhere above his ears. 

“I do,” you reassure him, hesitantly lifting a hand to stroke a single fingertip along his jaw. Faint stubble pricks at your finger, though not enough to make it uncomfortable. “That isn’t the point of this, though. You’re attracted to me,” you say, hardly believing it, and yet feeling the truth of it all the way down to your bones. “You’re attracted to me, and- to spin,” you say suddenly, thinking of the way your neighbors had claimed the dreams were extra vivid. “You spin dreams? I thought-” But you’re not entirely sure what you thought. Maybe he was simply a person with a talent for something beyond lucid dreaming? Creating them though..

Spiros sighs, taking a step back, letting your hand fall away from his face. 

“I had hoped to save this particular conversation for another time, but you are much more observant than you used to be,” he says, shrugging a single shoulder, mouth slightly mournful. 

“I don’t know whether I should be charmed or irritated by the way that sounds,” you say quietly, crossing your arms over your chest, just to give yourself a sense of normalcy.

“I’m one of the oneiroi,” he says, like that should mean something to you. “One of many. I.. Once there were many who called us gods.” His eyes flash back to you and then down, the afternoon breeze whipping his hair away from his face. “And perhaps we were, but now?” He turns in a circle, as if he can see far beyond the confines of the park you’re standing in. He probably can, you realize, if what he says is true. “There are medicines to combat us, or people who have severed themselves from this realm so severely that we can’t even catch sight of their dreams. And our newest siblings-” Spiros’ mouth twists. “They are so fast, swooping in on daydreams for their sustenance. Few of you take the time to notice us these days. If we’re noticed, perhaps we’re called nothing more than spirits.”

You wake with more questions than answers, but you feel satisfied with one thing: Spiros exists. Maybe not exactly how you’d pictured, but he wasn’t a figment. And he- Cares. About you. It’s still mind boggling though, trying to process the information, trying to sort out what you should do about it. You enjoy time with him, you’re very attracted to him, but you can’t help but worry about whether disbelief will always be lingering in the back of your head if you pursue things. 

If only to cement his interest, Spiros seems to return twice as often after that, taking you on such vibrant, whirlwind adventures that sometimes they short out, speeding up your sleeping heart until you nearly wake. After one of these strange glitch-like interruptions, Spiros takes you to a warm night garden so the two of you can catch your breath, and it barely takes a blink before you’re suddenly lying in dark grass, softer than down against your back.

“Comfortable?” He asks, sitting to the right of you, his eyes tracing your body like a caress. 

“I want you,” you find yourself saying, almost before you can even finish the thought inside your head. Spiros blinks, and the whole area seems to pause, as if it’s holding its breath along with him. After a moment, his eyes seem to change, the cool toned stars in their depths turning to molten gold, to heat and wanting, and the air becomes heavy with it.

“Truly?” Spiros asks, like he can’t quite believe what he’s hearing. He reaches out to touch you, fingers hovering over your shoulder and then stops, waiting for your response. 

Yes, you think to yourself, thinking of every small touch, of his breath against your skin, of the way he says your name to capture your attention. His fingers tremble until you take his hand and press it to your chest, wondering if he can feel the unsteady rhythm of your heart. “Yes,” you finally say aloud, pushing away all your doubts. “Isn’t it obvious?” You ask, only half teasing, still wrought with nerves, even as he leans down to kiss you. 

“As obvious as I feel?” Spiros asks and you can almost taste him, he’s so close. He cups your breast and then strokes his thumb over your nipple, breathing out slowly as he does. 

A small laugh escapes you, more of a rough, low gasp than anything else. “‘S why I’m asking,” you say, closing your eyes before you can get lost in his own. His mouth meets yours, soft and warm, stubble barely noticeable against your chin or cheeks when he tilts his head to deepen the kiss. It’s almost a shame, you think, hesitantly sliding your fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck, that I won’t come away from this with evidence. His kiss turns almost desperate, needy, after that, teeth tugging at your lower lip as he straddles one of your thighs, hand smoothing down your body and taking your clothes as he goes. He tastes like evening, and it’s beyond frustrating, not knowing what else to compare it to.   

Despite knowing that you won’t bare the marks of this when you wake, Spiros seems desperate to leave you with the sensation of them. Your lips feel swollen, buzzing with his attention by the time he pulls away so you can breathe, and his hands are heavy on you, half massage, half the slow drag of his nails, just enough to leave your skin pebbling even though you’re not cold in the slightest. He seems content to just touch, to watch you writhe underneath him, your hips arching as you try and get closer. He’s still dressed, still covered by that dark chiton, hands steady- but his face. The look in his eyes is greedy and pained. You wrap your fingers in the front of his chiton and yank, pulling him back down to kiss, to taste the pulse in his throat. The angle has him pressed to you, hard and hot and bare underneath his clothes and you moan against his mouth at the sensation. You don’t want him to look so sad, you want him to stop thinking, to feel you- Your hand slips between you, moving aside material until you can take him in hand. 

Spiros tenses, pulling his mouth away from yours so he can groan quietly, immediately rolling his hips down into the grip you have on him. “Are you impatient?” He asks, voice gone rough and rasping. “I would think- by the dark,” he gasps, hand wrapping around your thigh when you squeeze him. He seems lost for words, lips pressed so tightly together that they’re trembling. After a moment he shifts, spreading your legs so he can kneel between them. The sight of it, the way his hands slide up your thighs, makes your heart beat even faster. A buzz, a zip, seems to shudder through the very foundations of the earth, and for a split second you could have sworn you saw your own ceiling and bedroom instead of stars and nebulae wheeling through the sky above you. 

“Concentrate,” Spiros insists, breathing the word out against the juncture of your neck and shoulder. His breath tickles and you shiver, blinking a- he bites you. Not hard enough even to bruise, but the sharp edge of it has your back bowing, attention fully settled on Spiros’ hand dipping between your thighs. They’re the perfect texture, and he uses just the right amount of pressure to slick them through your wetness, to stroke slowly over your clit. Between the bite and his fingers, you’d forgotten to move, but you squeeze him again, wanting to reciprocate, wanting to share the pleasure.

It feels like forever and no time at all before you’re aching so badly that you’re about to beg. Every brush of his thumb, every time he curls his fingers inside you has you rocking up into the motion, but you want him, want him to speed this maddening rhythm. “Enough,” you gasp, choking on a laugh when he ceases all movement, a slight frown curling his lips. “Not- enough of you,” you say, and then you’re whimpering as he pulls his hand away, his clothes vanishing before you can blink. 

“Enough foreplay?” He asks, licking at his fingers before both of his hands are curling around your hips, dragging you towards him until his cock is teasing your clit with slow strokes. 

“Yes,” you say, a bit sharply, unable to do more than grasp at the soft grass underneath you. The angle is perfect for watching, for seeing him drag the head of his cock over you until it’s gleaming with your wetness, but it’s too gentle and you can’t find purchase with your feet to help press you harder against him. “I want you to fuck me,” you demand, breath coming fast as he takes a moment to glance at the far side of the garden. 

“I suppose I should,” he teases, smirking before his eyes drop back down to you. “Morning is approaching too fast for my liking.” You don’t know how he knows, you have little idea of the time you’ve spent here now, but you’re not complaining when he lets go of your hip to take himself in hand and press himself into you. You tighten, eager for him, for the feel of him filling you and his eyes flutter closed, lips parting like he’s forgotten to breathe. “You- you feel-” His jaw snaps shut, and he takes a deep breath before his hand curls back around your hip again, and he sets an unforgiving pace. 

“Oh,” you get out, clutching tighter to the grass. You no longer care that you can’t move your hips, that you’re having to tense your thighs so your legs aren’t dangling uselessly- watching is wonderful. Anywhere or with anyone else, you would have worried about him getting tired, but Spiros looks like he has endless stamina, thrusting into you this way. His knees finally shift though so he can bring you closer, so his skin can brush against your clit with the angle change and then you’re shaking apart, head thrown back. You’re dizzy with the force of it, breathless and then Spiros is gasping your name and heat fills you until you’re overflowing, his thrusts slow and he loosens the tight grip he has on your hips. “Spiros,” you breathe, trying not to focus on the way the stars and trees overhead are shifting in the breeze. You blink, and you think you see your ceiling again, morning light casting pale patterns over the walls- and then Spiros is lifting you, a hand against the middle of your back as he pulls you into his lap, uncaring of the mess, to place an eager kiss against your lips.

“I don’t know that I’ll ever get enough of you,” he confesses against your mouth, hand gentle as he cradles your jaw. “But you must wake soon, and I cannot keep you here.”

“You sure?” You tease, grinding yourself down and then whimpering because- He’s still hard.

Spiros looks drunk, cheeks ruddy, eyes heavy lidded, but he grins. “If only I could,” he murmurs, and his next kiss is sweet, and lingers long after you’ve woken. 

You’re alone in your room, and even though it’s cold out, the blankets feel stifling. You shift your legs, still blinking sleepily and freeze when you feel how slick you are. You wonder if you’re not going to hurt yourself with this in the future, with longing for more time with him.  It’s only then that you notice a single, gleaming feather on your pillow. The sight lays your fears to rest.

If only for the moment.

————-　✵　————-

...turn the page?

[potteresque-ire]

(I wrote this as a response to another post. It got long, potentially upsetting, so I decided to move it here.)

(TW: Criticism of Draco Malfoy under the cut.)

I think the best analogy I can come up with for Slytherins in an Americanized Hogwarts is if they are the children of the tech giants (Hello Draco Bezos) and multi-company conglomerates, the top-earning Wall Street hedge fund managers, the property moguls like the Trumps and the Bloombergs, and the legacy politicians like the Bushes and the Kennedys. This would be a fairer comparison to the social-economic power of Slytherin families in the books because conservatives in the USA mostly do not come from privileged homes. And I suspect even this American analogue may pale to its UK counterpart, for it lacks the centuries of practice ("tradition”) as a convenient excuse for continuing its underlying bigotry.

Draco Bezos or Draco Trump or Draco Bush has as little choice as being of these surnames as Draco Malfoy. The members of the Americanized Slytherin house, likewise, don’t deserve to be seen as all evil, and maybe — and very likely — they’re not. But consider what Americanized Ron would think about the Slytherins as a group, bearing in mind that the books are written in the POV of Harry, a child himself and Ron’s fierce friend, if…

(Under the cut, for I’m VERY talkative today ...)

- If this Americanized Draco still buys his way into the Quidditch team with a Nimbus 2001. The obvious bribery aside, everyone in this Slytherin team can readily afford the same thing, and likely already has, at least, a Nimbus 2000 in possession.

- If Americanized Lucius also interferes with school policy with connections to Washington; he rubs shoulders with Secretary of Education Umbridge, who he got to know back when they were lobbying together in the capital.

- If the execution weapon of choice for Buckbeak is a golf club, a gift from the President Goyle of MACUSA. Walden McNair, former Slytherin, has just received a medal of honour for being able to wield it with style. This is a tale retold by a very bitter Theodore Nott, whose father owns the golf course resort where President Goyle plays but Nott Sr. only gets to keep the hamburger wraps of the President’s lunch. The other regular attendee of these lunches is the landowner of the entire Hogsmeade, who happens to be Gregory Goyle’s father.

And speaking of Hogsmeade...

- If Goyle Inc. hikes the rent of the town after every visit by Hogwarts students. Prices of items sold in Hogsmeade shops hike accordingly to deflect the cost. The Weasleys haven’t been able to afford anything there for years.

Goyle Inc. has also been looking to invest in Ottery St Catchpole, re-develop the area into one with ... farmer’s market. Lots and lots of farmer’s markets where a loaf of bread costs $10.00 apiece.

- If American Hogwarts is also free but God knows for how long. Its profits from the previous years — sorry, not profit, but endowment as should be referred to for non-profit organisations — has been channelled into the stock market and the stock market hasn’t been doing so well. Mrs Zabini, the manager of the fund, still gets her commission even if Hogwarts goes bankrupt. In fact, a volatile market with high trading volumes is a godsend for her income, and her yearly bonus is large enough to run Hogwarts for a year. She’s very generous, however, and donates 1% of it to the school, which gets her name engraved on the Gryffindor-Zabini Tower.

Meanwhile, if the Weasleys go home every summer not knowing if they can return to the same tower on September 1st.

- If Skelegro and other potions in the infirmary are rationed due to high cost and every time a Weasley find themselves injured in a Quidditch match, the Malfoys, father or son or both, would remark on the Weasleys having more children than they can afford, and recommend the school board that these potions should be rationed by surname as well. The Slytherins have no such concerns of course; the Parkinsons are heads of an international potion conglomerate and they can always import extra potions from Brazil, which are sold at a small fraction of the cost they sold to Hogwarts (yes, they have the licence and patent to produce the Skelegro. Why did you ask?).

…

Perhaps -- assuming my understanding of UK’s class system isn’t too off the mark -- these if’s can provide a sense of Slytherin’s privilege in canon to the American audience, and related to this, how Draco’s prejudice towards Ron cannot be put on the same moral scale from Ron’s prejudice against Draco. I’d also like to emphasize this: I haven’t touched at all, on this list, on Voldemort’s reign of terror. I haven’t touched, at all, on the fact that Voldemort’s war had been spearheaded by the parents of many current Slytherin students, and this war had only been suspended -- not ended -- for just short of a decade when the Class of Harry Potter entered Hogwarts. The wounds were still fresh. Arthur and Molly could’ve easily suffered similar fates as the Potters and the Longbottom’s. The bigotry of the Slytherins, and of the Malfoys, wasn’t merely a suspected thing in the canon years, like how we feel about a celebrity who’s made a questionable tweet. Not only was their bigotry a fact in the canon years, but it was also a real, ongoing threat that, if permitted to run its course, could and would ruin the lives of the Weasleys.

Ron seeing the Slytherins as a threat arguably served the dual function of keeping him safe -- perhaps not at the moment, but in the future. Draco, on the other hand, had nothing to fear about Ron and above all, the socioeconomic class that the Weasleys represented.

They never stood on equal grounds.

And here’s the thing I don’t understand. Or I think I understand it, having seen this Ron-is-as-bad-as-Draco-and-Slytherins-are-victims-of Dumbledore’s-prejudice debate in various forms over the years — this isn’t new or controversial, and I wouldn’t be surprised if this has become the dominant view within the ship — and I’m not sure I can get myself to face what I’ve understood, because what this is is worrisome for me.

Please hear me out.

The Drarry fandom on Tumblr has, in my observation, always taken a very strong, hardline stance against prejudice. The post that says something along the line of 10 people who sits with a Nazi makes a table of 11 Nazis get numerous likes and reblogs. And yet in this situation, we have a boy, Ron, who is directly affected by the prejudice, who’s familiar with the connections between his Slytherin classmates and those who have not only worked to make their brand of bigotry the law but helped murder those who do not agree, and his distaste for these oppressors as a group is somehow seen as equal as his likely future oppressors’ disgust at his presence.

The reason given is inevitably a variation of this: Draco was a child. He was parroting his parent’s beliefs. He was too young to be responsible for his words, or his actions. He was a victim.

I’ve not seen this defence offered, not even once within the Drarry circle, for a real-life bully. Tumblr’s user base is young, and many have a history of being bullied due to their race, gender, sexuality, disability, socioeconomic class. After a bit of subtraction (Young Age - Bullying History in Years), I’d take that many of these RL events happened when the victim and the perpetrator were about the age of Ron and Draco in canon. And yet, not once have I seen a shipper on my dash suggest the bully was a victim, or that they weren’t at fault because they were only parroting the prejudice of their conservative families, their schools, their religion etc. That maybe they didn’t mean what they were saying or doing.

This is a (very) good thing. But it also makes me wonder: defenders of Draco and the Slytherins do know, deep down, that the excuse they’ve offered Draco isn’t nearly good enough to exempt him from his behaviour.

Draco might not have understood the greater political ramifications of his bullying, but he knew he was hurting Ron. Bullying cannot a be mindless act; it cannot be a passive reflection of one’s lessons from school or family for It’s a pre-meditated, targeted behaviour, and a good bully like Draco — he came up with a bullying chant that the whole school knew in the end — tailors his acts to serve a specific purpose of hurting the victim. Draco might not have known that calling Hermione a Mudblood could devalue her life enough to make it ripe for elimination when Voldemort came to power, but he knew perfectly well that the term was derogatory. This is especially true if one agrees with the common headcanon that Draco was second only to Hermione in marks in school, that he was no Crabbe or Goyle and he was intelligent.

Our ship celebrates Draco’s sharp tongue, but that tongue was used exclusively to ridicule, to bully in canon -- it’s fandom that has given it a better / higher / romantic purpose. His father’s tongue spoke the language of bigotry to the ears of the Ministry; this was the Malfoy’s weapon of choice and Draco was forging his own in the books. His bullying ways in canon was written with humour, with Weasley is Our King being the epitome of the laughs. I don’t believe it was JKR’s intention for her readers to fall in love with Draco via his bullying style, however. The HP world was built as a mirror of our own (rather than as a manual of what an ideal world should be, as many in fandom has seemed to assume), and Weasley is Our King showcased how easily bigotry can creep into our day-to-day language when it’s masqueraded as a joke (Even Luna was singing it at some point):

Oh, relax! It’s perfectly fine for everyone to know the Weasleys were born in a bin, into poverty! Funny, isn’t it? HAHAHAHA!

Imagine seeing this kind of behaviour on Tumblr. Imagine trying to defend this kind of behaviour on Tumblr.

I have faith that most of my Drarry friends cannot, will not do the latter.

So please, please reconsider what you’re really saying when you call Draco the victim, the vulnerable one, when you insist that he and the Slytherins had been wronged. I don’t mean to start another debate and I don’t plan to engage in one; this isn’t a call-out post either, I enjoy reading all the opinions expressed and I understand many of the sentiments I’m questioning comes from a place of love. I just hope that everyone who’s reading (thank you) can sit back, think a little. Imagine for a moment that table with the Nazis. Even if, at the table, there’re actually 10 Nazis and 1 who isn’t, who is more vulnerable? The non-Nazi sitting with the Nazis? Or the person who refuses to sit at the table and makes a bad judgement call on the 11th sitter by assuming they are a Nazi as well? Who is more the victim, or more likely to become one? The 11th sitter who’s wrongly labelled? Or the standing person who is being eyed by the 10 Nazis with disgust, the 10 Nazis who already have a family history of hunting down the standing person’s family and friends?

Or does the answer -- and this is the understanding I’ve got but haven’t dared to face -- does the answer depend on if he character in question had white-blond hair that glinted so beautifully in the sun? Is that the reason why Draco Malfoy, bigot, bully, has been given this special treatment, this carte blanche in the sense that he’ll always remain on our good side, be exempt from our moral judgement regardless of what he did, because his physical description doesn’t contain a single hint of melanin?

[anyu-blue]

Busy as a bee

~

*sigh*

I had this big long thing typed up.. it's all gone now. That's twice it's happened. Let's see if third time's the charm.

It was about my trying to figure out how to talk about the shit I've been going through without just dumping it all on someone and having it be totally unjustified too...

I'm mad at my dad. I'm mad at Tevs... I'm mad at myself.

Basically...I'm frustrated that I'm seen as so much lesser than everyone else.

I know it's like 'no you're not!! You only think you are!! They love you!!' ... I've been smacked both literally and figuratively for saying 'you guys treat me different/unfairly compared to x'... But.. gods at this point I. Just. CAN'T keep believing them or telling myself that when the evidence is right in front of me. I feel like I must have done something REALLY BAD and BIG for everyone to pull away so hard... But at the same time... I... Can't figure what it is or how. I've asked too, but the closet I've gotten to an answer is 'You're too much, Meek.'

I know I sorta... Became a worse recluse than I was (kinda I'm response to that. Trying so hard NOT to be too much)... But I kept telling and telling and telling I was available and offering what I could and more... I kept trying to deal- if I need something I would provide in return, just name the price... Did I forget or fail to follow through with something? Or something? No one can think of anything to tell me that didn't have a legitimate reason if ever I did (as good as or better than they have given me) that I shared up front and sometimes in advance with them. I even went into detail about what might happen if I am asked for help on a bad day- I tend to be a bit grumpy if woken up, but will still be there to help and will apologize for any harshness as I am going about it. I do that- but... Nothing.. and every single person has offered and practically forced (in W0lfie's case) all of the stuff I've asked for onto anyone but me. Need help finding/getting a good word in for work! Sure!! *Gives me links to indeed and Job service sites I'm already on/refuses to say my application is in the mix for positions at their workplaces or downright says they don't know if I'm a good worker even though I gave them my sick day and late count and all that fun stuff to pass off or downright doesn't tell me there's a good opening they know about*

Oh such-and-such is happy where they're at? So-and-so Can't hold a job because they keep quitting? *Gives information about good jobs and puts in a good word for them and sticks their neck out to get them hired.. is surprised when the offer is rejected by the family that says they're already okay with their current work or the unreliable friend they got hired quits*... Oh woe is me, I need help and there's no one to turn to!! *Refuses to call me knowing I have the day off, have my phone on, and have said I'm free that day... Asks literally every other person even the ones that demand payment for the job or can only do a part of it.. or just ends up doing it themselves by dropping another important obligation instead of calling me*

:(

The most common excuse for that last one is. 'oh I didn't want to make you more stressed.'

Um... I offered? I was here the whole time? What...?

*sigh*

I suppose I wouldn't be thinking of that stuff or be so upset by it all except for the fact I'm told these things and then I'm shown (and told) this last week people think I'm EXTREMELY lazy...

My dad and everyone else wants me to/thinks I should work more than 3 days a week... Or should get on disability if it's 'that hard.' Obviously they've never tried and seen THAT shit show... I have looked into it. Not only have I gotten treated like something to be disgusted by friends, family, medical professionals, and jobs alike (because it's oh so despicable to be on social security while young and spry- even though I have medically frail on my damn chart I'm apparently 'young and spry'- fuck you) when I've tried to pursue it, also being on it ISN'T a cake walk.. the restrictions. The WORK you have to do (and the work you can't do!! I'm right in the middle and technically can work too much for disability, but not enough for getting by on my own). The shit you have to go through... My own therapist told me some programs I could pursue would put me further behind where I am and I could possibly never get out... And she was the one that pushed me to get foodstamps, so it's not like she thinks they're hooey...

My dad thinks me working 3 days a week and refusing to do more lest I break down all the time is just.. lazy.. unfortunate... Stupid. He wants me to take all these homeowners and car buying and loan classes... Like I'm EVER going to be able to afford a single one of those things.. or think it's a good idea to throw down $25-$150 a pop for a class, let alone spend 8 hours taking one (I'd love to and think they're amazing things, but uh...)... Like somehow it'll 'convince' me to 'work harder'.

DUDE.

What.

The.

FUCK.

Is WRONG with you?!

I get it... I seriously can't work more days a week. If I do, I completely spiral out of control from the pressure as well as the guilt from spiraling and and.. you get the idea. I just do. I know I do. And I found my balance in 3 days on.

It's pretty easy to think 4 days off are, well.. 4 days off. 4 days to play. 4 days of freedom. But... I make things... I've made two blankets already. One more I'm working on.. usually AT work because I'm so busy. Birthday gifts. Christmas gifts. Holiday gifts. Trying to do commissions too to get more money in. Also.. em... I'm usually awake during the day to.. make appointments because my health is just a mess.. helping the friends that HAVE asked for help... Running errands because I can't at night (partly due to Covid changing everything's hours)... Or if I HAPPEN to get to.. I'm sleeping because I'm on a night schedule.. at night if anyone had need of me I'd be right there!! But guess what, THEY are sleeping. If I actually have a night off (which I haven't in nearly a month now because I CAN go over to my friend who needs help's house at 5 in the morning.. after I drop W0lfie off at work or I'd be there sooner.) I'm DOING things. Wednesday itself happens to be dedicated to FIXING my sleep schedule that I screwed doing everything my sisters need or want me to do during the day... It's up to ME to screw MY sleep so THEY can get or have what they need/want... Never mind they refuse (with legitimate reasons) to do the same for me (though I have legitimate reasons I could say no as well, but ooooh I'm the 'bad guy').

*rubs face* I'm so busy my mind and body is screaming at me in pain. Sooo lazy 🙄

But yet I'm shit because I refuse to work more.

Idk what it is, okay? I. Don't. Know. Maybe it's the fact that I'm Autistic and something overloads that hasn't been address like ever and so has only gotten worse (this is my guess), or the PTSD is doing something (my therapist's guess--- which not to derail but WHO ELSE IS IN THERAPY IN MY FAMILY?! you want to guess? That's right, NO ONE... No one is even TRYING to deal with theirs, and I don't just mean the pandemic. Big sister had it as bad, if not worse than I did. Refuses. Dad and step mom knows they do. Little sister scared. Little bro disinterested. 'There's no time' or 'costs too much' despite several having free sessions available to them via their job and Heath insurance- with multiple options- and everyone but little sister making more than they ever have in their lives on top of relying on others to pay any bills they can't keep up on... GRR).. or something else that just makes me become such a wreck. I hate it more than anyone else, you know.. because I have to live with it AND everyone telling me how lazy and lucky and entitled and how 'much' I am.

...

And you want to know what sparked all of this?

Tevs worked a 12+ hour day that ended up having me woken up by the cats that hadn't been fed.

Let me explain... Tevs and I got into it badly after I was continually deprived of sleep because she was working so much and blaming me for 'making' her deal with stuff at home I didn't even know were problems. She continued to explode and explode and treat W0lfie and I TERRIBLY after work as well AND continually told our other friends and family she so desperately needed a vacation and LESS work, and just kept pulling 10, 11, 13 hour days she didn't have to... All while not eating or drinking or having bathroom breaks... and I was DONE with it. I have and had offered to do more, just need to be directed on what needs to be done that I can do while they're asleep (duh) so she had no leg to stand on there... With the rest... She promised to not work more than 10 hour shifts (agreed upon because I have a 10hr shift at work with no breaks too) AND to either let us know in advance if she was going to be late so I could feed the cats, or have someone do SOMETHING to get the cats fed so they weren't deliberately jumping on me to wake me up... You know.. communicate a little more. Do a little better so she wasn't killing herself working. She promised.

Well..

Apparently (new information to me) a promise and Tevs giving her word.. are two different things. Promises don't matter. Giving her word had weight.

What. The. Fuck.

So MY getting upset this last week that not only was she working more than 10 hours... Not only did she not tell anyone about it.. not only did the cats come to wake me up (after I had FINALLY fallen asleep a short while before due to just how BUSY I was that day, and it was Wednesday 😭)... But she also REFUSED to speak to ANYONE and tell her where she was/that she was safe- completely and deliberately ghosting everyone... Until she showed up at my dad's house 12+ hours after the start of her shift in which she didn't eat, didn't drink, and didn't use the bathroom for the entirely duration..

...

I was told to back off. That my upset was unfounded. That I was just like our horrible mother and I was just trying to control her life.

Does that sound right to you?

It does to my dad. I would wager my step mom. All of their friends. And of course Tevs.

Nevermind that W0lfie was just as freaked out and upset... That she actually has a front row seat as to what I go through now/how hard I try to be kind and careful and respectful and relaxed and NOT controlling and finally gets it... And that she's now directly effected by all of it too... And agrees this is MESSED UP as hell...

No.

I'm shit. I need to work more. I need to move out and be on my own. I need to not rely on anyone. I am 'too much'.

Where did it all go wrong?

I now understand exactly why I felt and still do feel unloved. It's because of this stuff... I got smacked and told I was never alone or on my own.. that I had so much support and help... but.. well.. yes I was. My mind and abilities and more belittled or looked over in favor of others to bring up. Everyone is guilty of doing this to me in my family. I won't go into details because it's a lot. Many times.. many bad ones... Often I was told my reality wasn't the truth too. How is that supportive? I appreciate every bit they have ever done for me, but trying to point out where they fell (just like all people do).. I'm suddenly the most ungrateful thing ever.

My own parents rely on each other AND a third party (their son) to pay the bills... My dad's siblings both live with his parents... My step mom's family members live with each other and rely on one another to get bills paid.... Not a single one is forced or really suggested to go room with randos if they can't do it on their own. It was brought up to W0lfie that it's an option for her this last week... But guess fucking what she got that I didn't AS WELL as that.. "We'll always have a place for you here."

I did get that when I was younger and nearly kicked out for refusing to tell my mother I was Trans. I eventually caved, but, HA they didn't believe me. That mess was sorted out.. messily and I got to stay... Lucky me... Not to mention the fact that only NOW I might finally be able to just accept it and not closet myself for the sake of everyone else because I'm THAT done.. yay therapy. I'll accept being non-binary because I can never actually be a man the way anyone around me will ever accept or believe.. but I'm not accepting 'being a woman'. Screw you peeps XP

...

I don't get that kind of support because I'm their eyes.. I'm too much. Should be able to do it on my own. Too lazy. Too awful as Tevs has managed to paint by completely omitting important details.. I can't say things in a few words. I just can't. Because this is exactly what happens... But regardless.. that's all she ever shares. Just enough I'm a monster. I'm sick and tired of it.

Reminds me...

My dad and mom and the rest of our family would never get birthday gifts or holiday cards or anything if I wasn't around. Same with our siblings. I remember. I make. I remind. I push. But... They don't even know about that. About what I try to do for them that gets twisted to look like it's all Tev's doing because I often can't make it to deliver it myself... And when I do idk.. I guess I do it wrong or something because it's so... Blah of a response.. like they think I'm NOT responsible for it and just taking credit... That hurts. A LOT.

...

I'm going to try. One more time. Once more. With Tevs. Give her one more chance to make and keep her word. To not bulldoze and make excuses and talk me up like some sort of unreasonable monster if/when she doesn't... And one more chance for my parents to hear me out. Get the full story. Get my feelings and experiences in return. On Monday I might have a chance to lay it all out. Maybe. I want to try. And if I get the same treatment.. well.. I think they might just be cut out of my life if I finally make it out on my own like they want. (Hopefully something income based will open up for me.. hopefully... I'm considering looking into a different city altogether to well and truly get away from them.. but that would depend on getting a job too.. bluh)

Ah that's a another thing too though.. the thing is.. I CAN work. I CAN pull 7 days a week, 16 hour days without spiraling!!! Making. I am a crafter. If making dresses or cosplays or embroidering or making blankets or trinkets or... If I was able to do THAT.. I could work and work and work no problem... Maybe even drawing..

But with the stress of this job and my other obligations, I can barely touch those things to even get started... Stick in the rut.. and materials are so expensive if I need anything extra I hit a roadblock... Totally locked in... And it breaks my heart...

I'm not lazy... I'm in the wrong job 😞

[andimthedad]

Black Lives Matter: They Are Us

“The white policeman, standing on a Harlem street corner, finds himself at the very center of the revolution now occurring in the world. He is not prepared for it — naturally, nobody is — and, what is possibly much more to the point, he is exposed, as few white people are, to the anguish of the black people around him. Even if he is gifted with the merest mustard grain of imagination, something must seep in. He cannot avoid observing that some of the children, in spite of their color, remind him of children he has known and loved, perhaps even of his own children. He knows that he certainly does not want his children living this way. He can retreat from his uneasiness in only one direction: into a callousness which very shortly becomes second nature. He becomes more callous, the population becomes more hostile, the situation grows more tense, and the police force is increased. One day, to everyone’s astonishment, someone drops a match in the powder keg and everything blows up. Before the dust has settled or the blood congealed, editorials, speeches, and civil-rights commissions are loud in the land, demanding to know what happened. What happened is that Negroes want to be treated like men.”

James Baldwin wrote that 60 years ago, and it seems little has changed. American systems of all kinds — banking, real estate, education, politics, and of course law enforcement — continue to engage in a complex array of racism, some with genteel violence and some more brutal, each industry carrying forward genes of prejudice implanted by earlier generations. The threads of this racism are tightly and countlessly woven into every corner of our social fabric. If you haven’t felt them, it only means you have been shielded by them instead of crushed. “Negroes want to be treated like men” because then as now: black lives matter, too.

As a white Christian, I am troubled by the responses of many of my spiritual siblings. Jesus could not have been more clear in the parable of the lost sheep, the lost coin, and especially the prodigal son: when one of us is in trouble, and others are safe, we must focus on the concerns of the one until they are restored. Recall the prodigal son’s older brother, grumbling “all sons matter!” to his father, who responds that sometimes we need to focus on one son. And recall Cain, another older brother, with his famously callous retort to God, “Am I supposed to be responsible for my brother?” — to which God replies, “Yes, and his blood is crying out to me from the ground where you killed him!”

White Christians, including me, have acted too often like these Biblical brothers toward our black siblings. We may not have personally drawn blood, but at the very least, we have ignored or justified the police and systems that do. You and I would not want to be treated the way our black citizens are, and thus we have blasphemously violated Christ’s greatest command. In the end, we will answer to God for how we (and our police) treat other people. Our systems shed their blood, and its cries are heard in heaven.

And, as a white father, I am haunted by Baldwin’s note about children. Yes, think of our children. As parents, are we going to retreat from our uneasiness about racism “into a callousness which very shortly becomes second nature”? Judging from internet conversations, it feels like many of us are already there. Do we really want to raise our kids with the knowledge that we could have changed things, but didn’t? Kids are watching, and whether we engage in humble kindness or proud callousness, it will become part of our legacy.

Even if you and I merely inherited the sins of our forefathers — and none of us is that innocent — we own those sins now. Nobody inherits money and then claims it is not theirs to spend. So it is with systemic racism, and white privilege. Somehow we are happy to bank on its benefits while still claiming it isn’t our responsibility.

Elsewhere, I’ve heard that George Floyd’s murder is a wake-up call. If so, we have been willfully deaf to all the prior calls: Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, Trayvon Martin, Tamir Rice, Atatiana Jefferson, Yvette Smith, Alton Sterling, Laquan McDonald, Michael Brown, Freddie Gray, Philando Castile, Sandra Bland, Oscar Grant, Eric Garner, Walter Scott, Tyre King, John Crawford III, Manuel Ellis, and too many human etceteras to count. Read their names out loud; each is an alarm. Unfortunately, the house may burn down around us before we admit the fire alarm has been ringing for generations.

For those who still doubt the existence of systemic racism or police brutality, it is time to study.

John Oliver’s episode on Police Accountability is a good intro.

Sarah Sophie Flicker and Alyssa Klein assembled Anti-Racism Resources for White People: a long list of articles, books, videos, and movies to provide history and perspective.

To make that list easier to digest, and harder to avoid the excuses of time, Autumn Gupta and Bryanna Wallace created Justice in June, which arranges the same anti-racism material into daily itineraries of 10-, 25-, and 45-minute units.

For parents and teachers, the Center for Racial Justice in Education has Resources for Talking about Race, Racism and Racialized Violence with Kids, and Katrina Michie put together Your Kids Aren’t Too Young To Talk About Race.

And if you still somehow think white men are underprivileged, I tackled that with a truckload of data in Dear Fathers of White Boys: What Color is the Future?.

While learning, set aside your current beliefs, keep an open mind, and think about yourself with honesty and humility. And remember: if we get to learn about racism by reading and listening and watching, instead of experiencing it regularly in our own lives, that means we are privileged.

Once educated, act. Don’t just be not racist; be anti-racist in your conversations and activity, online and offline. Participate in local protests. Write to government officials. Donate and otherwise support justice movements; this spreadsheet from Black Lives Matters and this list from The Strategist give a lot of options.

Most importantly, change yourself. In the spirit of honesty: I still find racism in myself. I am truly sorry for that. I am better than I was, but I am not yet who I should be. As one protest sign said, “I’m sorry I’m late. I had a lot to learn.” But white racism will not end until whites fix it. Will Baldwin’s description of racism still ring true in another 60 years? If so, that will be our fault.

Baldwin closed with characteristic insight:

“It is a terrible, an inexorable, law that one cannot deny the humanity of another without diminishing one’s own: in the face of one’s victim, one sees oneself.”

Do we see the victims? Do we see their faces? They are a reflection of us. In truth, they are us.

. . .

This post also appears on Medium, where you can read other articles from And I’m The Dad about racism, sexism, politics, and more:

The Godless Lie of White Supremacy: from Moses to Charlottesville

In Crime, Politics, and Food, the Questions Determine the Answers

DEAR STUPID YOUNG PEOPLE OF THE ENTITLED GENERATION: A Word of Advice

Hating Cops: It’s Not a ‘New’ Thing and It’s Not a ‘Black’ Thing

Jesus for President? Looking for Christ in the Political Christians

Lust and Guilt, Female Disciples, the Symbol of God as a Woman — What the Jesus F. Christ?

Help Her, or Help Myself To Her?

Her Consent is Not a Given: Raising Kids With the Right Attitudes

[cs-discourse]

I do not wish anything but good things upon Dia and everyone else involved with this, and I hope that Dia is doing okay and wish them the best moving forward, and I don’t know too much about Rise since I was never a part of it since I never really cared for it, but a couple things.

One, if people paid for their cats, it is not them feeling entitled to them or someone else’s art. They literally fucking are. They bought that with money they earned. That isn’t an entitled Karen. If they didn’t buy it, it is still theirs. They won it or claimed a free service option (I have no idea how Founders worked so the free service may not be totally correct but still my point stands) that was offered to them, and it is theirs. You can’t give someone a gift and then just take it back. Rise isn’t one of the special circumstances where that’s okay, nor was it accidental. While someone made the art, it now belongs to whoever bought it, or whoever it was given to, because they now own it. If the species wasn’t closed I can understand not wanting to allow selling, but if the species is closed, that’s really just a straight up dick move, especially if the people paid for it. There’s only so much you can do with something very community based without the community, and if people lose interest, there’s no way they can get that money back and at some point, it may be money they need. While there doesn’t seem like much can be done if that rule is broken, Dia is a mod on CS, with sway, and they could probably have a user banned for breaking that species rule. I’m not saying they would, but that abuse of power is possible. Also, not allowing them to be used on other sites is also really not okay? It would be more understanding if Dia paid for them herself, but from my understanding, people pitched in to pay for the lines currently used, so there’s not even that excuse. I read the closing post, Rise cats are now considered regular OCs, and it’s not right to constrict the use of their official reference like that. If it were to not upload to places like imgur or Pinterest, that I get because the credit becomes untraceable then, but what if now that the species doesn’t exist someone wanted to develop them elsewhere? There’s no longer any reason to police that and as a species owner myself there really isn’t any justifiable reason I can see to not allow that.

Two, as someone else has said already, Dia took that custom for currency, and if she wasn’t certain about something, she absolutely should have asked for clarification. Most people who take commissions that I’ve seen, references are super important, and if there’s not enough, they ask. They don’t talk it over with other staff members, they go directly to the person and ask. If there was no “surprise me” or “I really do not give a shit about what you do outside these things”, she should have gone straight to Faded to clarify. That is on her. She also says to Fadedfyre that that’s the problem with people ordering cats with technical terms and she wants it to go away. If it’s a problem, then if she was unsure and this has happened before and she doesn’t want it to happen, then she absolutely should have asked for clarification. It’s good she offered to change the eye color, really good, but this could have been avoided if she had asked. It also could have been avoided if a reference had been provided to begin with, but Dia still should have asked. Anxiety is also not an excuse for making someone do extra work or entitling you to it, but from what I saw that was not what Fadedfyre was asking or doing. They explained, asked if anything could be done, and even in their rude reply did not demand or ask for anything to be fixed. They didn’t seem to come in expecting something to happen, just wanting to see if something could be done.

Three, yes, Fadedfyre was rude and really shouldn’t have been like that, but they admitted and acknowledged they were and aren’t acting like it was okay to be rude, and I am also not saying that it was okay, because it’s not, and it’s a huge no. However, they weren’t asking someone to remake it, they were merely asking if anything could be done. That’s not a “demand” for someone to change it. A month also isn’t a super unreasonable time. No where near ideal and definitely a long time, yes, but not insanely unreasonable. It should have been dealt with sooner, but there is so much that can happen in a month and so many reasons why it couldn’t have been dealt with sooner. Real life is a huge one. Personally, since October I’ve been super busy with things and struggling to fix things and I’ve only had a few moments of spare time, and just this month, my cat died, I’ve gone back to the place I was mentally a few years ago which is the worst place I’ve ever been, and my gecko completely surprised me with two babies out of fucking nowhere when I thought her breeder hadn’t ever bred her and I didn’t think eggs could even survive in her tank and I was proved very wrong. I’ve not had any space to breathe. So much can happen out of nowhere and take all your time and energy and a CS species probably isn’t near the top of your priority list. Fadedfyre expressed that they’ve had a lot of in person stuff going on and had anxiety and it took a lot to get them to message Dia, and while I have no idea what is going on for them, I can completely understand where they’re coming from with that. Anxiety can cause you to take ages to work up to being able to do things, and when you’re already going through heavy shit it can take even longer. That anxiety (and excitement) can also make things take longer to realize. You can rationalize, tell yourself that you’ll like it and that it’s not really that bad and your feelings will pass, and then they don’t, and it’s been awhile and you have to accept it and want to see if you can do something about it. Authority figures are also so insanely difficult to approach and Fadefyre said Dia reminded them of people that were not good in their life and that made things harder. To me, Ria definitely comes off as a terrifying authority figure that gives the typical emotionless authority copy paste authority person responses, so I know to me it would take weeks to be able to say something, because I do not do well with people like that, and people like that played a massive hand in fucking my life up and now I instantly distrust anyone who is like that because my only experiences with them are the people who ran my school promising me that nothing would be done, and then the next day sent a fucking policeman to my house to force me to school when I wasn’t able to go in because my anxiety was just too much and I just couldn’t force myself to go. Dia’s comment on anxiety really should not have been made and feels so so unsympathetic and not understanding. I am sure Fadedfyre wanted to address it earlier, but for many reasons they simply couldn’t, and saying “oh I know anxiety makes it hard but if you do it sooner anyway the person will take it better and this thing will go better” really does not help. It’s something that is already known, and the wanted result, but it can’t always be achieved and saying that just makes you feel even worse and as someone with anxiety I can assure you we feel bad enough about it on our own and that’s part of why we take so long. Fadedfyre really should not have responded the way they did but oh god I can see why that caused a snap. That sentence next to a smiley face would have set me off too if it had taken me ages to work up to things because thats the attitude the people at my school had and it’s a hurt I’m still healing from. Brushing off someone’s anxiety like that isn’t cool and it may just be me but Fadedfyre’s apology for Dia reminding them of those two teachers seemed really genuine. Also, I may be blind but I don’t see where the art was insulted? It was never called bad or terrible or shit, just the judgement was a bit harshly criticized. The blocking is justified but as a staff member and species owner, it feels really premature. In authority positions you need to be open and a point of contact, and if you have to block someone it’s best to refer to someone else or at least wait a bit longer to see if there’s an apology or explanation.

Four, NaCI shouldn’t have been told they had to judge them. Things didn’t go as planned and they weren’t in the place for it and someone should have at least been allowed to take over if they volunteered. Also, Dia deleting the post and saying staff should be the ones to answer questions when it wasn’t that also was not okay.

Five, if Dia really didn’t tell the staff either, that’s also not good. She should have at least told them beforehand or made them aware she was considering it.

I don’t think anyone should be mad at Dia or hateful towards her for closing Rise because you need to do what you need to do for your mental health and I cannot stress how important your mental health is, but that doesn’t mean people can’t be upset or critical of what happened because Rise is something that meant a lot to many people. Just be respectful no matter how you’re feeling.

I apologize for how long this is and mods, even if this isn’t posted and I imagine it wont be, I am so truly sorry you had to read all this. You guys are cool and I’m sorry to have made more work for you and wish you all the best and hope you have a most wonderful year.

[nalyra-dreaming]

Book: A blackish red hue

I am offering a printed book version of my story “A blackish red hue“, rewritten and corrected, illustrated and properly set. I did this mostly for myself but some have said they wanted a copy so … 

>>> GET YOUR COPY OVER ON ETSY! 😊

340 pages of Hannigram fanfiction, the Murder Husbands on the run, depicting their lives together after the fall.

An A4, hardcover book with 135 g paper, 47 illustrations and a foreword by my “partner in crime“ (over at @lovecrimebooks) Romina Nikolić.

This book has been made to match RADIANCE and, in extension, the upcoming RAVAGE. Yep, with COLOR CUT*. In blackish red.

Weighing: ~1,6kg

> Which means we are just below the threshold of the so called “book shipping“ weight (with packaging), making international shipping much cheaper. >> 17€, priority handling and tracked in most countries.

All tracked countries here: deutschepost.de/brief-international/land-fuer-land

>> Germany: 5€, internationally 17€ + (priority-which is with) tracking ~ 20€

*****

Content:

A Murder Husbands story, heavy on character development and (hopefully) story, spiced with sex (see rating below).

Not overly fluffy but with a happy ending. (Yep, despite what you might think in between.)

Murder Husbands as in Murder Husbands. With Murder Tableaus. And family. Murder Wives :)

This starts at the motel in TwotL, so there is original dialogue here, reinterpreting the scenes we were given. The story segues into pure fiction after the fall.

>> This story spans several years - it follows Will Graham and Hannibal Lecter after „The Fall“, the ups and downs of this obsessive and difficult relationship, trying to fit the monsters on their backs together. As well as their habits and appetites.

There are lots of turns and not everything is as it may seem at first.

This is my Season 4.

And 5 through 8.

Approximately. :)

This story has been posted and is available on Ao3. It has been, as mentioned before, corrected, some parts rewritten, polished up and properly set, enhanced and improved for this book :)

There are almost 50 artworks in it. Some were gifted to me, some I commissioned and some I created.

Illustrations in it by:

@JustCallMeLuci | Sara Larner saralarner.com | @dark-will-graham​ | @tindu​ | @amngell​ | @transylvanianshipper​ | @noaryr​ | @arkarti​ | @theseavoices​ | @Hachiseiko | @felidaefatigue​ | @hanniwill​ / / Rola | @basementarts​ | @Rocio_ruiz_art | @the-walking-fannibal​ | @bayobayo​ | @thenecronon​ | @wisesnail​ | @vibiana​ | @Moishpain / @sheep-in-clouds​ | @stravvbunnies | @miasmatik​ | @maddsaa | @toni-of-the-trees​ | @le-wendigogo​ | @Skeletology | @shoegazerx​ | @Aerinnnn | @ivyart​ | @mumbrielle​ | @granpappy-winchester​ | @caniday​

(and some by me)

The beautiful cover was created by @granpappy-winchester (original post here!) and @basementarts. 

>> Commission @Granpappy-Winchester here!!

>> Commission @basementarts​ here!!

Btw: I can only recommend commissioning them or any of the other artists! 

Also: Basementarts is offering a discount right now so check them out!

*****

What some critics… erm commenters said:

On Baptism: „OH GOD!

i was just scowling tru Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter fic and saw your fic Salvation and read the summary and thought ‘well this looks good’ and i saw it was a part of a series and thought i might as well start at the beginning to see if its any good!!! i couldn’t even begin to fantom how brilliant and talented you are!!! im only just finished this first one! and i want more more more! and there is more!!! yay me!!! im just going to go and binge read it all!!! no sleep or socializing for me!!!!

thanks for shearing your talent and choosing to express it with Hanagram fics! i truly appreciated it, like im sure many many others do!!!“

Also on Baptism: 

„Ahhhh, this is completely stunning!! So beautifully and elegantly done, it drew me in from the first chapter and refused to let go until the last. Just wonderful. Thank you so much for this gorgeous reading experience.

*Applauds*

Please don’t ever stop writing Nalyra :-)“

On Obfuscation: 

„I’ve just binge-read this whole story. I absolutely loved it!! The balance of power between them is beautifully portrayed. I really enjoy the tenderness between them, and also the pure darkness. It feels like a completely natural progression from the show. I can’t wait to move on to the next installment!“

*****

Characters:

Will Graham, Hannibal Lecter, Alana Bloom, Margot Verger, Verger Baby (Hannibal), Freddie Lounds, Jack Crawford, Chiyoh, Will Graham‘s Father, Clarice Starling, Robertas Lecter, Bedelia Du Maurier, Ardelia Mapp, Matthew Brown, Original Graham-Lecter Children

*****

(some) Tags:

Post-Episode: s03e13 The Wrath of the Lamb | Canon-Typical Violence | Canon Compliant to Canon up until 2018 | Post-Canon to Canon up until 2018 | Original Character(s) | Original Character Death(s) | Explicit Language | Explicit Sexual | First Time | First Kiss | Murder Husbands | Murder Wives | Rough Sex | Angst | Fluff | Blood play | Dream Sex | Branding | Fanart | Honeymoon | Cannibalism | SotL-compliant | Canon Character Death

*****

Rating:

Mature, scratching on explicit, but toned down from Ao3 version. A bit.

*****

Excerpt:

From Baptism:

It takes an indistinct amount of time to get ‘back down to earth‘ as it were. Will is vaguely aware that there is a cramp in his legs, the fingers of his right hand hurt where Hannibal has gripped him too tightly, he is a mess, he hurts between his legs in places he cannot yet define properly and Hannibal - Hannibal is lying on top of him, making it hard to breathe, silently crying into Will’s neck. Will feels the best he can remember.

He carefully dislodges his left arm from Hannibal’s neck, dragging his fingers through the greying hair, petting. His legs drop and he winces, which seems to bring Hannibal back to himself. He raises his head, eyes bloodshot, his voice gravelly. “Will, I… I apologize.“

Will shakes his head slowly and places the fingers of his left hand against Hannibal’s lips. His gaze catches on the ring that Molly placed there and he realizes with a start that it has no place here in this bed. He feels more than sees Hannibal withdraw and quickly shakes his head again trying to placate and communicate his thoughts as clear as possible. “Take it off for me.“

Hannibal freezes above him. The look he levels at him does its best to make Will hard again but he really isn’t that young anymore. Will swallows. Hannibal slowly drags his right hand up at the side of Will‘s body, making him shiver. When he reaches his chest he follows his arm up until he reaches the hand that’s still raised between them. Slowly, very slowly Hannibal starts to push the ring off Will’s finger with his messy hand, never breaking his gaze. Hannibal encloses it in his hand when it’s off and carefully puts it on the nightstand at the other side of the bed. “What about it now?“

Hannibal’s voice is rough and Will knows that the answer he has isn’t what the question was about, but it is the only one he has to give. He tries to say it lightly, keeping his voice low. “Well, you took it from me. So, if we make this work, you’ll have to go and replace it.“

Something breaks in Hannibal’s gaze. There is light and darkness seeping into it in equal measure and it thrills Will to no end to see it. Hannibal’s voice is the roughest he has ever heard it, the accent strong. “I will not let you go, now.“

Will smiles. To everyone else, this would have been a threat. To Will, it’s the conclusion of a courtship that’s lasted six years. He’s been caught, and now he’s free. “Where do we go from here?“

Hannibal nuzzles into the Will’s neck, his words breathed onto sweaty skin. “How about we pay a visit to an old friend?“

*****

Final notes:

>> I don’t make money from this - the price on Etsy consists of the following amounts:

A4 hardcover print with color cut, heavy paper and bookend pages etc: 41€

Packaging: 2€

Etsy fees: 2€

+ Shipping

*IF this book sells 50 copies (in total**) I will be able to get some nice extras (ribbon bookmark, spot glosses at the very least).

** I’m going to order some for myself and a few artists, who preferred the book over monetary payment

Printing will commence after August 10th, 2018, with shipping following right after. Printed at same company that has printed Radiance and will print Ravage.

Books will be in foil and wrapped in bubble wrap and then in the actual packaging for shipment (aka lessons from Radiance. I’ll also check the weather forecast -.-).

IF there is something left when all is said and done I will donate it. Resumé will be posted here.

After August 10th 2018 I will close preorder.

This will be the only edition.

If there are some copies I need to get to reach the minimum to the next „step“ (with more extras) these will become available on Etsy afterwards.

There will NOT be a digital version for sale because I only negotiated with the artists for a printed version.

Soooo.... 🤗

Hope you like!!! 💕

[forfansbyfans]

Challenge Yourself: A FFBF Artist Interview

Homestuck Tarot Acts 6 & 7 - Cards Illustrated:  Queen of Pentacles, Four of Wands, Page of Swords

It’s always fascinating to see how huge the Homestuck art community is all over the world - Where are you from?

Coastal California, born and raised

We’re in love with the tarot deck! Can you tell us a little bit about how you became involved?

Aryll (who organized the event) posted about it in a Homestuck Art server I'm an admin for (the Homestuck Artists Discord Server) to help get the word out. I was one of many people who was excited by it. I'm incredibly impressed by her selections for the cards, every one was absolutely perfect. (Also she's an amazing artist, and the project is filled with incredible artists, and being able to work with them and get crits from them and see their process was also just incredibly fun and fulfilling.)

Tell us a little bit about the artwork you contributed to the deck – how does the art tie in with the meaning behind the card?

Alright, this might take a bit, partially because I did three and partially because there's a lot in there. I'll try to get into what I can!

Queen of Pentacles: The Queen of Pentacles is a perfect fit for Jane and the Nanasprites. I drew Jane as the queen she is in Propsitian regalia, with a maternal Nanasprite on each side to offer guidance, resources, compassion and playful mischief. The cake Jane's holding with the pentacle frosting represents her material wealth, financial success and security. It hints at her business and creative talents but in a way that's entirely hers, without any crockercorp baggage tainting it. She holds it with an open hand, representing her willingness to share with family and friends. She's centered in the piece, emphasizing her stability. At her feet grow pumpkins, that are both a literal image of pumpkins she grew that (though she didn't know it) sustained Roxy and an entire city of Carapacians, as well as a metaphor for the life and sustenance she creates for those around her. The life symbol on her throne furthers these themes. Lil Seb represents caution (he's on guard, ready to protect his charge) with Jane's hand on his head representing her compassion and maternal affection. (Not to mention holding him back from causing too much mischief! The Queen of Pentacles knows how to keep her family in line) In the background, prospit shines in all its glory, a flourishing kingdom of gold. Skaia shines above, an entire universe waiting to be born, in part thanks to Jane's hand, but she's down to earth and her eyes are set forward, focused on the practical, there here and now. Jane is a great character. I love her and I loved drawing her.

Four of Wands: The Four of Wands depicts S: Unite, one of my all-time favorite flashes. The alpha kids come together in person for the first time ever in a series of shenanigans and time travel. I took some artistic license with the chains on the lanterns so they'd reflect the wands in the original card. Where in the original it evokes a Chuppah, here, homestucks lanterns represents the very life force and the interconnection of the alpha kids. At that very moment, Jake's kiss has caused Dirk's lantern to burst with life, spreading the light of that to all the other lanterns as well. There's also an echo of Dirk's heart symbol in Jake's lantern, and the light almost seems to pierce through Jake's heart. (A lot of this symbolism was in part inspired by some fantastic essays on DirkJake and the lantern scene in particular by RevolutionaryDeulist on tumblr, which I definitely recommend checking out! :3) I tried to keep a symmetry and sense of movement to the card. It's a card of happiness and reunions, that both follows and precedes a lot of hard work. It's everything coming together at one moment, and even if things might get hard again soon, for a while now pure joy. Dirk, Jake, Jane and Jake all see (or are about to see) each other for the first time in person, after what is probably the worst day of all of their lives and a lot of work. While it harmony, celebration, goals achieved and reunions and unions of all kinds, its also a transitory card and can even symbolize a breakdown in communication. (Something that the alpha kids, unfortunately, had plenty of problems with!) Dirk, Jane and Roxy are both acting and watching. There's more to it, but this is the most complicated of the three and I'm afraid the hardest for me to explain, and I seem to be repeating myself so I'm gonna stop now.

Page of Swords: The page of swords is a perfect Tavros card. He's energetic, passionate and creative. Tavros is waiting in the beginning, eager to begin this new project, and look what a beginning it is! An army of countless ghosts waits with him, inspired by his charisma and kindness rather than forced. It's about being ready and moving forward. And importantly, he's successful because he made the choice to do this on his own, ignoring the voices that told him he couldn't succeed and wasn't good enough. It's a card that encourages you to find the people who will nurture your ideas rather than those who bring you down. It also represents communication, which is what it took for him to gather up this army. The breath sign in the clouds is there for multiple reasons. Breath is, of course, Tavros' symbol, and also, the Page of Pentacles is a wind card. But within the Homestuck canon, breath also represents freedom and charisma and many of the aspects of this card. (Also, god rays are cool and fun to draw and make some neat lighting effects.) Like Tavros, of course, the card only represents the beginning. It represents gathering people and friends, and communicating with them, new ideas and the start of something great. But Tavros at this point understands himself well enough to know his own strength. He formed the army, but he isn't the one to take the lead, and he's okay with that.

How have you grown as an artist over the years and what has helped you grow?

Practice is great for improving, but more than that you need to challenge yourself, and you need things to inspire you to do so. I've been drawing since I was three, graduated with a BA in art, and been living off caricaturing for almost a decade. But I also felt like my art was stagnating, and the thing that inspired me most has actually been Homestuck. I actually only got into it recently, only a few years ago, but it's gotten me drawing for myself again for the first time in a long time, and the art discords have a lot of events that have been encouraging me to draw. So even the time I've started drawing homestuck my art has improved more then it had in a long time, and I've really had fun with it again for the first time. But the best way to improve is definitely to find the things your worst at, and study and draw it a lot. Bad at hands? Study a bunch of pictures of hands. Learn anatomy, skeletal and muscular structure. Trace hand photos, draw your own hands. Bad at backgrounds? Study landscapes, trees, perspective... etc. Trying to do different things and work with different styles is good too, things like palette challenges can be great for helping things stay fun and inspired. Sorry, I got a little rambly, and I guess its more a general list of things I learned then the things that sparked my own specific growth, but hopefully it's helpful!

What’s your process? Where do you find inspiration?

I like changing things up. Sometimes I'll sketch thumbnails or even the base sketch on paper, then draw from there in photoshop. Sometimes I'll play with pure color or light and shadow and sort of carve out images. I like to play with art a lot, and how much prep I do varies depending on what I'm drawing; usually if its a commission or illustration with something more in mind I'll do more thumbnailing and have a more structured approach. Inspiration varies. Music can be great for it, Homestuck is hugely inspirational. Games, stories, movies, etc can also all be great. Also I love having themed events, or drawing gift art for people. (Bonus, I love making people happy so I find that particularly satisfying.)

What kind of impact has Homestuck had on your life and art?

It's become my favorite piece of media. I could (and have) gone on a multi page rant about why and everything I like about it. But in an attempt to be succinct, its an interesting complex story with great characters and the perfect balance of humor and serious moments. Seriously, I love every character. It's also, like I mentioned, got me drawing for myself again. I've been drawing much more and improved a lot thanks to Homestuck in the few years since I got into it. I owe a lot to it, and for all people speak bad of the fandom, I think there's much more good then bad, and try my best to be part of the former, trying to help it be a place of encouragement, growth and happiness for everyone involved. :3

What advice would you give to a younger you?

Oh man. There are so many answers I could give here. I'd encourage more introspection. There's a lot of things about myself it took me too long to discover, or things I did because I was following someone else's definitions of success. Teaching myself art with some of the fantastic resources available and focusing on my own goals could have spared me ridiculous amounts of student debt.

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Interview by Cassie Steensrud

@whatpumpkin @cassandraooc

[strawberry-milktea]

I don't want to socialize. I don't like it. I don't even want a huge group of friends--maybe a couple I feel comfortable with. I don't want a bf til I can be independent. I do want to move out and have my own space. And I want a fulfiling job. That is my dream. Specifically to write and fight injustice like terrorism, human trafficking, abuse (no idea how to do that). Never wanted to be conventional. Have a pet sitting "business" - always hard to talk to clients, rather be w animals. I have a ha

I have a hard time trusting God because I do not want to do things I don’t like. I want to do the things I want to do for a living; God wants me to do something social. Anyone who is not good at social things is less in the eyes of God and everyone else. I do NOT want to have such a shameful weakness- I mean, afraid of people? How stupid. But I would rather be alone and read, write etc most of the time. I like it better that being w ppl. But God wants us to love ppl and be w them all the time

I mean, you have to be good at social things to be successful, to have a job. If you aren’t, you have to make up for it in a LOT of skills of other kinds. Which I don’t have. I do not want a walmart job- but couldn’t even do that, much less what I want to do–something to do with national security etc. I

If God wants me to change and be social, then that IS where my value lies and I am not valuable like this.

Had internship after school but they fired me bc I was too nervous and couldn’t do the job. W public defender. Had to interview ppl in jail and ask them questions from a sheet. There was a math question on it. Could not figure it out. They gave me a book to learn it but I could not concentrate w ppl around. Math+social? Impossible. Same w vol this summer- messed up change bc customer talking to me. Don’t know what I actually have ability to do… :( cant be at parents forever.

I don’t want to be weak. I want to be strong. I want to use my strengths to glorify God. Ppl using their strengths in a job, their talents, will make both them and others happy bc it will simply be a better product. Who wants to read a book by a bad author, for example?

I have asked God for help. To get me a job. Make me do things. He did not help me.

—

Hi there,

Personally speaking, I’m not big on socializing. I’m the type of person who enjoys spending time with people who I am close with and trust.. and that’s only a handful of people. If I’m comfortable with you, I can keep talking for a long time and I genuinely enjoy it! But if I’m not comfortable with someone and/or it’s just surface small talk, it can start to feel like interacting becomes a chore or it can feel a bit awkward. I also get drained and anxious feeling pretty quickly in settings with large crowds. I’m an introvert and it sounds like you are too - and introversion is definitely not something inherently negative or wrong. But the concern here regarding your situation is it seems like your introversion is related to a lot of deep-seated fears (which if I recall correctly, are linked to past hurts) and it’s interfering with your life in a way that is making you unhappy. And it’s definitely clear that the enemy is preying on this by doing a number on your self-confidence and feeding you the lie that you aren’t valuable or loved by God if socializing is a challenge for you.

Your claim that “anyone who is not good at social things is less in the eyes of God and everyone else” is not Biblical. God’s love for us is proven by the fact that He died on the cross to make the free gift of salvation through faith in Christ possible. The Word also tells us that we become righteous in His eyes as a result of accepting Christ so that our sins are washed away and we become white as snow.

“For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” - 2 Corinthians 5:21

“Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool.” - Isaiah 1:18

There is no reason to believe that God loves you less or thinks of you as lesser because socializing is difficult for you. That’s a flat out lie from the enemy meant to attack your confidence and weaken your faith in God. You’re correct when you say God wants us to always love others. However, it is inaccurate to say God expects us to be around people all the time. One example that proves God does not expect this is that we are told to pray in private and spend time alone with the Father (Matthew 6:6). We are not commanded to be in the presence of others 24/7 nor is always being around people socializing a requirement to fulfill the command of to loving others.

Socializing does serve various purposes that can help both yourself and others, and glorify Him. One example of this is carrying out the Great Commission. Communicating with others is how we tell people about Christ. However, you don’t have to be the strong at verbally talking in order to socialize and communicate with others. He can use the areas you do have strengths in to serve others. And at the same time, He can help you get stronger at the areas of socializing you aren’t so strong at - but you have to allow Him to do that work in you. If you completely shut yourself off to the idea of doing things outside of your comfort zone, He won’t force His help upon you.

Using myself as an example, I am definitely stronger at articulating myself about matters of faith in writing versus verbally speaking. Sometimes I get nervous verbally speaking and the enemy likes to attack my confidence in these moments. I believe that He allowed for me to use this blog as a means of carrying out the Great Commission because a strength of mine lies in written communication. But at the same time, He’s put me in situations of verbally talking to people about faith to show me that even though communicating verbally isn’t my strongest area, He provides the perfect words and the nervousness melts away when you trust and allow Him to work in you.

Another example relating to your situation about work concerns is that when I first started working, I was terrified to answer the phones. I was so afraid of sounding silly and talking to a stranger on the other end of the line. However, I made peace with the fact that this is a big part of my job. And it certainly felt awkward at first because it was outside of my comfort zone. But when I kept doing it, it became something I do without a second thought - and it feels really nice when I think about how nervous I used to feel over it and how now it’s really not much of a big deal. I sometimes still get moments where fumble over my words a little because like I said, verbal communication isn���t one of my strongest areas. I don’t think I’ll ever feel as much ease handling work phone calls as I do when say talking to a family member or a friend. But that’s okay - I don’t need to be perfect at articulating myself or feel comfort as if the person on the other end of the line is my best friend in order to get my job done. Likewise, you don’t have to demand a level of perfection of yourself in socializing in order to be functional at the job that He wants for you.

What is so important to understand is that when you ask God for help, you have to be willing to accept that help. He won’t force you or make you do something.. you’ve admitted that you don’t want to do things that you don’t want to. So if you’ve made up your mind that you can’t socialize, it’s impossible for it to be any other way, and you won’t keep trying at it, He won’t make you do something differently. You have freewill.. and if you use your freewill to be stubborn and refuse for Him to work in you because you’re afraid and/or don’t want to do things outside of your comfort zone, He will respect that decision. You can’t accuse Him of not helping you when you are only willing to accept His help on your terms and not His. And by refusing the idea of any type of change or doing something that is potentially uncomfortable until you get used to it, you can block Him from working in you - not because He isn’t able to or doesn’t want to, but because He won’t force you to change or take a certain action. It’s unfair to believe He isn’t helping you if you’re expecting Him to make you do something, simply because He doesn’t make people do things. That would work against the freewill He has given us if He forced us to do things against our will.

I can’t know what God specifically wants for you in terms of the job meant for you.. I can offer my thoughts and advice based on what you tell me, but when it comes to what path He wants for you, I have no way of knowing that. That’s why it’s so important for you pray and seek His guidance with this, as this is something between you and Him. I think you also need to reach a point of accepting that there will be some degree of communication necessary, no matter what that job is. The degree of socializing in jobs will vary, but every job requires some sort of communication with others in order for tasks to he completed. Even people who are self-employed have to communicate with others at times. You of course aren’t required to be in a job where there’s a lot of socializing involved, but you will need to do it sometimes no matter what the job - your pet sitting business is an example of that. Even though you work with the pets most of the time, you still have to talk with the pets’ owners at times.

It’s not a shameful weakness to have a hard time communicating with people, and it’s not something impossible to get stronger with. It may be impossible to get past this by your own power, but it’s possible when you seek Christ and rely on Him for strength. The Word tells us all things are possible with Christ.

“But Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.’” - Matthew 19:26

“I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” - Philippians 4:13

Try to tackle the fear and consider what is motivating your fear of socializing. Are you afraid of looking silly to others? Afraid of what they think of you? Ask yourself: what is the worst that can happen if you say stuttered or lost your train of thought when talking to someone out of nervousness? Chances are you are actually thinking worse of yourself than what the other person is thinking of you. Also, it’s important to remember when you accepted Christ as your Lord and Savior, you seek His approval - you no longer need to be in the bondage of seeking approval of man:

“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” - Galatians 1:10

That’s why it’s so important to adapt the mindset of, “Even if someone did decide to think I’m weird because I stumbled over my words or felt nervous talking to them.. so what? What they think of me ultimately doesn’t matter.” I’m definitely not saying this is a mindset that is easy to have or one that you adapt to overnight. It’s something I still struggle with at times, too. But when I find myself in those moments, I try to ask myself if I’m worrying about what others think or what He thinks, if my worrying over what others think will even ultimately matter in any way or is it just the enemy preying on my self-consciousness. With His help and continually drawing nearer to Him/strengthening your relationship with Him, you can overcome this fear. He can help you to lay down the fears and self-consciousness and have an easier time communicating. At first it may feel difficult and like something you don’t want to do, but growth often feels like something you don’t want to do in the moment. But after you get past the discomfort and see how He’s helped you to become stronger, you find yourself thankful that you listened to Him and didn’t remain stagnant in your comfort zone.

Most people tend to want to remain in their comfort zones because it’s what is familiar to them. Many times, even if on some level a desire for something to change is there, it just feels good to remain in what you know with certainty you can do with ease. I see that in your words - you desire more (the right job, a boyfriend, independence, etc), but at the same time you want to only achieve these things on your terms and are stubborn against going outside the comfort zone out of fear. And I really do get it - the unknown can be scary and nobody enjoys the idea of venturing into something new with the possibility of failing at it. But we can’t allow the fear of the unknown and the possibility of failing to hold us back. When we do, it’s how we become stagnant and never move forward. Fear can be paralyzing, stopping you from succeeding and doing what He wants you to do before you even try. You can’t allow past times you haven’t succeeded to hold you back.. that’s the enemy using those times to chip away at your trust in the Lord and your confidence. The enemy loves reminding you of the parts of your past that you want to forget and leave behind.

I remember you mentioning in past messages your concerns about living with your parents. If you are worried about that, talk openly about it with them. Tell them your worries about living there until you find the right job. Chances are, they aren’t bothered by you living there but instead, it’s your own fear causing you to feel self-conscious about it. Maybe they could also offer you support and guidance about your career concerns, too.

You have a Heavenly Father who loves you and wants to guide you in this. You also have brothers and sisters in Christ who love you and want to help in any way they can. The enemy will try to make you believe you’re facing this alone, but you aren’t.

[owlinaminor]

writing is not retail; or, why I don’t feel so guilty about not replying to fanfic comments any more

a few months ago, I saw a story on tumblr.  I can’t remember the exact post so I can’t link it here, but I remember it was a story from a reader who commented on a fanfic that hadn’t been updated in years. the writer of this story got so excited that someone was still reading, they started updating again.

a wonderful story, of course.  good for the writer, who found motivation for an old work and validation in the reader who loved it.  and good for the reader, to have received this surprise gift.  but the story bothered me, like a nudge in the gut, when I read it, and has bothered me more in the months since.

here’s the thing: this story was being touted as a shining example.  “look, comment on fics!” the moral went.  “the writers are so starved for the validation, they’ll do literally anything for you!”  that attitude is one I see increasingly in text posts and tweet threads and the like, practically begging readers to throw all their support at us writers, saying, writers need notes, need kudos, need comments.  this validation is why we write, these arguments go.  we’d have no motivation without it.

this attitude is one that strikes me as increasingly dangerous.  not for fandom as a whole so much, but for writers themselves.  if writers, especially younger writers, writers most vulnerable to these types of “voice of god” diatribes, get this mentality that they are worthless if nobody reads them, it becomes so easy to lose hope. it becomes so easy to say, well, this one got no notes, no readers begging for more, so I should just stop trying.

and on the flipside, that attitude makes it easy to get tied into a work that isn’t actually interesting or creatively fulfilling or just plain making the writer happy.  just because it’s getting notes, views, comments, the logic says, it must continue.

but here’s the thing: fic writing is not retail.  you don’t need to sell a brand to get your work out there – ao3 and ffnet and any other site on which you might want to publish are all as open to you as they are to some big name fan.  that’s one of the beauties of fanfic, to start with.  your foot is already in the door; you don’t need to cater to anyone besides yourself to get published.  or: the reader is not the priority.  the writer is the priority.  (except for gifts and fic commissions, but those are subjects for other essays.)

to paraphrase rainer maria rilke: to truly become a writer, one must look deep into one’s soul and inquire of oneself: MUST I WRITE?  if I were unable to express my inner self in the written medium, would I perish?  (letters to a young poet, p. 16 in my norton 1954 edition.)

rilke is rather melodramatic about it.  my interpretation, and my lesson to young writers, is: ask yourself, DOES THIS MAKE ME HAPPY?

not will it get me attention, not will it please this fandom, but does it feel worthy of my time, my skills, the piece of my soul that will go into it?  your first audience, before you publish your work anywhere and get feedback from anyone, is yourself.  for most writers, in fact, your primary audience for at least half of your work is yourself – because, come on, none of us have good track records for finishing our wips.  thus, if you’re not pleasing yourself by exploring characters or worlds or literary themes that you enjoy (or by getting paid at the end of the word doc) whatever you’re writing is not worthy of your talents or your time.

and here’s the other thing: you’ll probably need to write for a couple of years before you’re actually good at it.  I don’t mean to discourage anyone here, just to be realistic; writing, like any other craft, takes practice.  very few people put up a very first fic on ao3 and immediately get 1,000 kudos, and those who do have probably been writing an original fantasy series since they were seven.  why do you think all the best porn is written by people over the age of thirty?  this shit takes experience.  and if you’re refreshing your ao3 page every ten minutes, agonizing over every single comment and every single tumblr note, calling yourself worthless every time you don’t hit some magic hits/kudos ratio, you’ll never want to actually do the work that will get you that experience.  a lack of validation is only reason to lose heart if the work meant nothing to your personal satisfaction in the first place.

I have been writing fic for almost eight years.  in that time, I’ve had widely popular fics and widely unpopular ones, in a whole host of fandoms.  and to be honest, much as my horrible lizard brain craves validation, some of my absolute favorite works are the ones that got no notes.  because I know that those fics are the ones I wrote truly for myself. they are the most creatively satisfying. they are the works that make me happy.

(and, a rarepair writer secret: those fics are also often the ones that get the absolute best comments. when you prioritize writing what you love, it shows.)

rilke, at one point, was so poor that he could not even buy his own books (letters to a young poet, p. 25).  and yet today, he is lauded as one of the best german-language writers of all time.  just because you are not getting validation right now doesn’t mean you are not learning and growing as a writer.  if you find what you’re passionate about and write from the heart, someday, you will find someone who shares your passions – it’s one of the beauties of the internet that you don’t need a publishing contract to find that other person.  all you need is the self-confidence to write your piece and the bravery to hit post.

I don’t want to speak for all writers.  not everyone is a literary theory-spouting weirdo like I am who sometimes wants to lock herself in a cabin in the woods and turn off wifi for a month just because she’d get so much done. some people write fic as a coping mechanism.  some do it to make money, or as a stepping stone into a professional writing career. some need validation to truly be happy. I only want to speak for myself, to voice my concerns, and to ask any writer (or any content creator reading this, really): does it make you happy?

you do not owe the commenter anything.  you owe yourself everything.

[flawedyetgreatlyloved]

For Her.

“Have you been frantically searching for a man to fulfill your fantasies that began as a little girl about an enchanting prince charming and a happily ever after? I would tell you to wait with confidence and assurance that, if it is God’s will, He will provide you with an earthly bridegroom.” I was reminded of these words as I look back and process my early years, it’s an excerpt from the book Authentic Beauty by Leslie Ludy

“A woman is not born a woman. Nor does she become one when she marries a man, bears a child does their dirty linen, not even when she joins women’s liberation movement. A woman becomes a woman when she becomes what God wants her to be.”

We are all born with different set of timelines, maybe for her its the season to start a family, to finally tie the knot, to be engaged, to be in a relationship, but, not for you. If this is the case, don’t be frustrated, pressured and disheartened it will come when it is your time. I wanted you to remember the words in Ecclesiastes 3 (https://my.bible.com/bible/116/ECC.3.NLT) saying that there is “A Time for Everything” especially when in verse 11 it is said, “Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time…….” Wait on the Lord, take delight in Him. I myself was once in a season where I am in desperate pursuit for relationship thinking that it could fill the void in my heart only to find myself being more empty, I also was in a place where I constantly try to seek peoples approval, placing my confidence and security in them only to find that they will fleet and pass away – in just a blink of an eye they can change.

I want to encourage you to not let the thoughts that lingers in your mind to take you down, instead, take captive of that thought through being alert and sober minded; carrying the full armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-18). Use this season not to run from God but to turn to Him and to be filled with His presence daily. Contentment with our singleness isn’t a status that we arrive at, it’s something we depend on the Lord each day. Why? Because God’s mercies are new each morning.

If you’ve found yourself waiting for so long, it’s a blessing - a precious gift. As said by Apostle Paul, (see 1 Corinthians 7) we both have the gift of singleness and some the gift of marriage. Although it seems that nearly everyone marries, it is not necessarily God’s will for everyone. But above all, we must remind ourselves that the most important thing in life is not finding a mate and having children, but serving God. I also want to express that Singleness should not be viewed as a curse or an indication that there is “something wrong” with the single man or woman. If anything, it is a higher calling.

As with everything else in life, we should ask and seek for God’s wisdom, whether that be marriage or singleness.

My prayer is that we may continually live in a personal revival, seeking God’s will in our lives and continually doing the great commission of “Making Disciples of all Nations.” (Matthew 18:19-20) May Christ be Pre-eminent in our lives, May He be magnified, glorified and lifted HIGH!!

TO GOD BE ALL THE GLORY!!!

[dfroza]

A True story of Light and eternal Love:

“Know this, dear brothers and sisters: the good news I brought to you isn’t the latest in fiction or the product of some creative mind. It is not a legend I learned or one that has been passed down from person to person, ear to ear. I was gifted with this message as Jesus the Anointed revealed Himself miraculously to me.”

A set of lines from Today’s reading of the Scriptures in the New Testament Letter of Galatians (chapter 1:11-12 in The Voice)

with the whole first chapter in The Message:

I, Paul, and my companions in faith here, send greetings to the Galatian churches. My authority for writing to you does not come from any popular vote of the people, nor does it come through the appointment of some human higher-up. It comes directly from Jesus the Messiah and God the Father, who raised him from the dead. I’m God-commissioned. So I greet you with the great words, grace and peace! We know the meaning of those words because Jesus Christ rescued us from this evil world we’re in by offering himself as a sacrifice for our sins. God’s plan is that we all experience that rescue. Glory to God forever! Oh, yes!

I can’t believe how you waver—how easily you have turned traitor to him who called you by the grace of Christ by embracing an alternative message! It is not a minor variation, you know; it is completely other, an alien message, a no-message, a lie about God. Those who are provoking this agitation among you are turning the Message of Christ on its head. Let me be blunt: If one of us—even if an angel from heaven!—were to preach something other than what we preached originally, let him be cursed. I said it once; I’ll say it again: If anyone, regardless of reputation or credentials, preaches something other than what you received originally, let him be cursed.

Do you think I speak this strongly in order to manipulate crowds? Or court favor with God? Or get popular applause? If my goal was popularity, I wouldn’t bother being Christ’s slave. Know this—I am most emphatic here, friends—this great Message I delivered to you is not mere human optimism. I didn’t receive it through the traditions, and I wasn’t taught it in some school. I got it straight from God, received the Message directly from Jesus Christ.

I’m sure that you’ve heard the story of my earlier life when I lived in the Jewish way. In those days I went all out in persecuting God’s church. I was systematically destroying it. I was so enthusiastic about the traditions of my ancestors that I advanced head and shoulders above my peers in my career. Even then God had his eye on me. Why, when I was still in my mother’s womb he chose and called me out of sheer generosity! Now he has intervened and revealed his Son to me so that I might joyfully tell non-Jews about him.

Immediately after my calling—without consulting anyone around me and without going up to Jerusalem to confer with those who were apostles long before I was—I got away to Arabia. Later I returned to Damascus, but it was three years before I went up to Jerusalem to compare stories with Peter. I was there only fifteen days—but what days they were! Except for our Master’s brother James, I saw no other apostles. (I’m telling you the absolute truth in this.)

Then I began my ministry in the regions of Syria and Cilicia. After all that time and activity I was still unknown by face among the Christian churches in Judea. There was only this report: “That man who once persecuted us is now preaching the very message he used to try to destroy.” Their response was to recognize and worship God because of me!

The Letter of Galatians, Chapter 1 (The Message)

Today’s paired chapter of the Testaments is the 65th chapter of the book (scroll) of Isaiah that points to the creation of new heavens and a new earth and forgetting what is past (tense):

Eternal One: I was ready and willing to help before anyone even asked.

I was found by people who did not seek Me;

I showed My face and said, “Here I am! I am right here!”

to a nation which did not call on Me.

I kept extending Myself to a people who don’t care a whit.

All day long I opened my hands to those who constantly work against Me,

Those busy pursuing their own rotten path, inspired by their own rotten schemes.

These people continue to insult Me, right to My face,

pursuing other gods, sacrificing in gardens

And offering incense on altars made of bricks.

They sit among the graves and spend their nights in secret rituals;

they eat the flesh of pigs and pollute their pots with unclean meats.

They have the gall to say, “Oooh, not so close! I am holier than you!”

These unholy people are smoke in My nostrils,

A fire that burns and burns all day.

Look and see what stands written before Me:

“I will not remain silent and watch this disgrace;

But I will pay them back for what they have done.

I will pour their pay directly into their laps.

They will pay for their sins and the sins of their parents too.

For they turned to other gods, burned incense on the mountains

And insulted Me on the hillsides.

I will bring everything they deserve back to them, to their very core.”

This is what the Eternal has to say:

Eternal One: It’s like noticing the promise of new wine in a cluster of grapes.

One will say, “Don’t destroy them all; some of them are bound to be good.”

So for the sake of My servants,

I won’t destroy absolutely everyone.

But I will bring up children from Jacob’s line to inherit this land.

To Jacob’s son Judah I will give My mountains.

These, My chosen ones, will inherit it;

these, My servants, will live there and call it home.

From the plains of Sharon to the valley of Achor,

My people—who look to Me and no other—

Will have pasture for their sheep

and safe places for their herds.

But those of you who ignore Me, the Eternal One—

who turn away from My sanctuaries

And reject My holy mountain

to chase Lady Luck and cater to Destiny—

Will find yourselves a bit unlucky and your destiny an early death.

You’ll bow down and be killed like sheep brought to the slaughter

Because when I called you, you did not answer;

when I spoke, you refused to listen.

Instead you did all the wrong things and made terrible choices—

what I expressly said that I hate.

So this is what the Lord, the Eternal, has to say:

Eternal One: My servants will eat and eat well, while you go hungry;

My servants will drink and be satisfied, while you are parched with thirst;

My servants will celebrate with joy, while you are put to shame.

My servants will sing with gladness in their hearts,

While you cry out in anguish and despair and bemoan your brokenness.

And when you are gone, your name will become a curse—

a repugnant byword—to My chosen people;

The Eternal God will put you to death

and call His servants by a new name altogether.

Whoever speaks a blessing in this special land

will invoke the God of truth;

Whoever takes a vow in the land of promise

will make his pledge by the God of truth.

For the bitterness and pain of earlier times will nevermore come to mind;

they’ll be hidden even from My eyes, God says.

Eternal One: Now look here!

I am creating new heavens and a new earth.

The weary and painful past will be as if it never happened.

No one will talk or even think about it anymore.

So take joy and celebrate with unending gladness

on account of what I am creating.

Look carefully! I am making this place I’ve chosen, this Jerusalem, a city of joy.

I’m making her citizens, My people, a people of gladness.

This Jerusalem, My pride and joy, and her people will be a delight to Me.

Though you listen at every corner,

You will never hear crying, never hear despair or grief.

Never again will a person not live a full life,

for the young will live to be a hundred

And any who die earlier will be considered cursed.

People will confidently build houses and make them their homes;

they will plant vineyards and enjoy their fruit for years to come.

They won’t worry that someone else will come along, drive them out,

and take it all away.

For My people will live as long as these age-old trees;

My chosen will use up and wear out whatever they make.

They will not work hard for what others take away;

they will not lose children to sudden terror and death.

For they are the offspring of those blessed by the Eternal;

they and their descendants will enjoy God’s blessings.

I’ll anticipate their prayers and respond before they know it;

even as they speak, I will hear.

But they’ll all eat together like friends—wolf and lamb, lion and ox,

and the biting snake will feed on dust.

When that day arrives, there will be no evil, no violence, no hurt or wrong

in all My sacred mountain.

The Book (Scroll) of Isaiah, Chapter 65 (The Voice)

A link to my personal reading of the Scriptures for Thursday, August 12 of 2021 with a paired chapter from each Testament of the Bible along with Today’s Proverbs and Psalms

A set of posts by John Parsons that looks at humility and turning the heart to God for healing:

The advent of the “Season of Teshuvah” reminds us that we all fail, that we all are broken people, and that errors and mistakes are part of our daily spiritual life... We journey toward humility rather than struggle for perfection; we confess our need for forgiveness and seek reconciliation with all those we might have harmed... During this season it is common enough to hear messages about our need to turn and draw near to God for life, but it is equally important to remember that God turns and draws near to the brokenhearted for consolation. As it is said, the Lord is near to the nishbar lev (נִשְׁבָּר לֵב), the one with a broken and crushed heart (Psalm 51:17).

Brokenness is the means through which God performs some of His deepest work within our hearts. A.W. Tozer once said, "It is doubtful whether God can bless a man greatly until he has hurt him deeply." Likewise Alan Redpath once wrote, "When God wants to do an impossible task, he takes an impossible individual – and crushes him." William James called this deep work of the spiritual life Zerrissenheit, a term that roughly can be translated as "torn-to-pieces-hood," or a state of being utterly broken and in disarray... The brokenhearted live in day-to-day dependence upon God for the miracle... [Hebrew for Christians]

Perhaps you (like me) once learned Psalm 19:7 as, "The law of the LORD is perfect, converting the soul." However, the Hebrew text might better be translated as, "The instruction (i.e., Torah) of the LORD is perfect, returning the soul." This is the message of teshuvah (תְּשׁוּבָה), or "repentance," of course. We turn away from ourselves to discover that only the love of God given in Yeshua gives life to our dead hearts (Mark 1:15). Teshuvah is therefore first of all a matter of faith, of trusting in the miracle of God. And though it is indeed a great gift from heaven, it requires that we pass through the "narrow gate" of humility by confessing the truth about who we are (Matt. 7:13). We turn away from our pride; we acknowledge our inner poverty, our neediness, and we mourn over the loss and hurt caused by our sin. Teshuvah turns us away from our attempts to defend or justify ourselves and instead turns to God to heal our separation from love (Rom. 8:3-4). The miracle of love buries our old nature and transforms us into a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17). [Hebrew for Christians]

8.11.21 • Facebook

Today’s message (Days of Praise) from the Institute for Creation Research

August 12, 2021

God Our Savior

“But after that the kindness and love of God our Saviour toward man appeared.” (Titus 3:4)

Six times in the pastoral epistles Paul refers to God (evidently meaning the Father) as our Savior (1 Timothy 1:1; 2:3; 4:10; Titus 1:3; 2:10; 3:4). Usually, however, he and the other New Testament writers identify Jesus Christ as our Savior. “But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ” (2 Peter 3:18, for example). In the same fashion, Paul relates that his commission to preach the gospel came from “God our Saviour” (Titus 1:3), while elsewhere he says his commission came “by the revelation of Jesus Christ” (Galatians 1:12).

Is this a contradiction? No! In fact, references to God as our Savior should not surprise us, for it is found in numerous places in the Old Testament. (See, for example, Psalm 106:21.) Furthermore, our understanding of the Trinity insists that all three persons of the Godhead are One in God. Of course, Christ made many references to the fact that He was not acting on His own but came to do “the will of him that sent me” (John 6:38). Paul himself seemed to be comfortable with this seeming overlap, for in one sentence he wrote, “God our Saviour;...Grace, mercy, and peace, from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ our Saviour” (Titus 1:3-4). Such usages further confirm also that Jesus is God.

While Christ was the primary instrument of salvation as the perfect sacrifice for sin, God the Father is the source of all human salvation, and the application of the title Savior to Him is proper. Indeed, we derive great comfort as we see the role of all three Persons of the Godhead involved in our salvation.

“Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins” (1 John 4:10). JDM

[wgpetersindia]

RAPTURE, WHAT DOES THE HOLY BIBLE SAYS?

The book of Revelation Two Witnesses of JESUS wgpeter1967@gmail.com

We as Christians or Messianic peoples live in a Post-Pentecostal Scenario, if we carefully study the word of God/Jesus, it’s very very clear that we must be witnesses of Jesus rather than believers. His final instruction just before ascension was that Acts 1:8

“But ye shall receive power, when the Holy Spirit is come upon you: and ye shall be MY WITNESSES both in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and unto the uttermost part of the earth”.

If we look Christian’s around the world, and all of them are comes under one umbrella, and that’s called BELIEVERS that includes Theologians, Clergy’s Pastors, Preachers, Apologists, Ministers etc.,

Why is it so important to be WITNESSES OF JESUS rather than BELIEVERS?

We need to go to the 1st century, early Apostles were not exception but born of sin, and believed in the Lord Jesus Christ, and become His disciples leaving behind their livelihood, yet they continued to be believers until the day of PENTECOST that happens after the departure of the Lord. Thereafter, all of them except a betrayer Judas Iscariot, became WITNESSES OF JESUS. Now it’s pretty clear before the Pentecostal day, all of them were with Jesus, witnessing the miracle Performance of the Lord, witnesses of His Preaching, debates with a Jews & Rabbis over 3 and half years but still they haven’t become WITNESSES OF JESUS according to the Lord himself, though He says in John 15:27

“And you also WILL BEAR WITNESS, because you have

been with me from the beginning”.

He uses the Future Tense because of the fact that still, they aren’t become witnesses. As it’s pretty well known to everybody that all of His disciples left their Lord alone in the Garden of Gethsemane when there was a threat to their lives, also it’s a known fact that all of His Apostles were martyred, glorifying their Lord wherever they went once they become witnesses. Therefore, remains as a believer for so many years isn’t an instruction by the LORD but to be a witness is what His command.

The difference is that Prior to the Pentecostal scenario all of the Apostles were just believers, even after the Lord breathed His Spirit on them before the ascension as described in John Gospel, all of them scattered, the reason was that they remained believers until the arrival of the HOLY SPIRIT, and thereafter only they were all become WITNESSES of JESUS as Acts 1:8, and then only the Great Commission described in Matthew 28 was effected. Thus, to embark ministry for the LORD JESUS CHRIST there’s a minimum eligibility is that to become witness of Jesus, or else they aren’t supposed to embark ministry for the Lord, however it’s unfortunate even after the Holy Bible was made available to the modern world so extensively, all of them haven’t figure out the fact or even tried to become witnesses of Jesus, and being believers they embarked ministries and broken the great Judea Christianity into multiple pieces. The Result was that the doctrinal deviations has become huge and over fifty thousand denominations within the span of 2000 years.

RAPTURE is not exception from the doctrinal deviations, and it’s the most misunderstanding subject of the Christian world, all of these deviations and deceptions taking place due to the flaw in the fundamental fact of the word of God. Rapture has a reality if the Lord returned during the days of early Apostles but the Lord didn’t return, and thereafter the Lord given details about the last days in the book of Revelation which wasn’t made available to the early Apostles except John who recorded it for the purpose to make it available to the subsequent generations, therefore when the book of Revelation came into effect which has the chronological events that proceeded to the Second coming of the Lord, and that’s the reason the rest of all other books of the Holy Bible are not that much significance as far as the end time is concerned. However, it’s the sequence of events that took place in the Past to the Present and to the future, and in this sequential order when the book of Revelation is effected then rest of other books speaks of the past has no much validation. In the Post-Pentecostal scenario, one must be witnesses of Jesus, if anybody lives as a believer then he’s like living in a Pre-Pentecostal scenario, and that he might not handle the word of God properly, and that’s the reason there are thousands of denominations has come up. Every denomination has their own concept of Rapture or any other doctrine of the Holy Bible, and nobody agree each other, some say pre-tribulation Rapture, some say Post-Tribulation Rapture, and some say mid-Tribulation Rapture, and every group has some portions of the scriptures as their support. After all, all of these people believes those Positions but there’s no PROOF’S for it.

As we approach the end times, it’s very clear that the book of Revelation is in effect, and letters to the Seven Churches of Asia implies that all of those Churches around the world are compacted, and it’s astonishing to note that all of the Churches have some sort of a doctrines, not of all that the Lord expected, and all of those Churches are rebuked by the Lord except only one, however there is no Church having the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, and all of the Churches are challenged by the Lord to over come certain barriers, and restore the Apostolic Ministry that existed during 1st century. Revelation 3:20

“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me”.

Ephesus: To the one who conquers I will grant to eat of the tree of life

Smyrna: The one who conquers will not be hurt by the second death.’

Thyatira: To the one who conquers I will give some of the hidden manna, and I will give him a white stone, with a new name written on the stone that no one knows except the one who receives it.’

Pergamum: The one who conquers and who keeps my works until the end, to him I will give authority over the nations, and he will rule them with a rod of iron, as when earthen pots are broken in pieces, even as I myself have received authority from my Father.

Sardis: The one who conquers will be clothed thus in white garments, and I will never blot his name out of the book of life.

Philadelphia: The one who conquers, I will make him a pillar in the temple of my God.

Laodicea: The one who conquers, I will grant him to sit with me on my throne, as I also conquered and sat down with my Father on his throne.

Thus, these seven Churches were promised Rewards by the Lord, and the call to all of them that partake in the Churches, but the Reward was promised only to an Individual. It’s clear the Phrase “The One Who Conquers” points that it’s not a corporate Out pouring of the Holy Spirit as it took place in the 1st century, and obviously that there is no greater gift God could ever give other than His Own Spirit as the HOLY SPIRIT, and each reward promised to the seven Churches are associated with a one gift, and that is the gift of the HOLY SPIRIT. Therefore, there’s only one could receive the gift of the Holy Spirit, and eventually become a Witness of JESUS or Temple of GOD or become like JESUS, so as to carry out the Ministry of early Apostles by starting where they left off, and accomplish the rest and that’s how the Apostolic Ministry of the 1st century shall come to an end by the Return of the LORD JESUS CHRIST in the 21st century.

The Plight of the Witnesses of JESUS has been described in the book of Revelation 11, the Two Witnesses, the one who conquered shall choose another of his choice, and both of them and their family has been described in Revelation chapter 12, and the subsequent chapters talks about various fulfilment that takes place during the days of the Two Witnesses, proceeding to the Second coming of the Lord Jesus Christ. The word “Rapture” has been described as “Ascend” or “Come up here” spoken only to the “Two Witnesses of JESUS” in Revelation 11:12.

“Then they heard a loud voice from heaven saying to them,

“Come up here!” And they went up to heaven in a cloud, and their enemies watched them”.

Thus, the Rapture of the Church is meant only for the Two Witnesses, in fact the Church in the first century was begun on a Pentecostal day by the Reception of the Holy Spirit into the believers who were eventually become WITNESSES according to the earlier instruction of the LORD in Acts 1:8. The Apostolic Ministry was accomplished by the Witnesses, not by the believers who have no evidence for God and His Christ, meaning believers do not have the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. The Lord Jesus Christ during His ministry instructed everybody to BELIEVE in Him. John 7:37-39

“On the last day of the feast, the great day, Jesus stood up and cried out,

“If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Whoever BELIEVES in me, as the Scripture has said, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.’”

Now this he said about the Spirit, whom those who believed in him were to receive,

for as yet the Spirit had not been given, because Jesus was not yet glorified.

And some instances He asked them to believe on account of His miracles. John 14:11

“BELIEVE me that I am in the Father and the Father is in me, or else

believe on account of the works themselves”.

By these references, it’s clear all of the Apostles and Apostolic believers received the HOLY SPIRIT on a Pentecostal day when they were assembled in the city of Jerusalem, and become WITNESSES of JESUS. Thereafter, either early Apostles has to Preach before the believers or Place their hands on believers so as to receive the HOLY SPIRIT, and all of them have become Witnesses of JESUS, and wherever they went preached the Gospel, and the Church was multiplied, and such scenario was over when an early Apostles departed.

Apostles warned once they departed scoffers shall come and destroy the flocks. Peter writes to Churches in 2 Peter 2:1-2.

“But false prophets also arose among the people, just as there will be false

teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies,

even denying the Master who bought them, bringing upon themselves swift destruction.

And many will follow their sensuality, and because of them the way of truth

will be blasphemed”.

Thus, the Reception of the HOLY SPIRIT into an Individual sets the stage for the Second coming of the Lord Jesus Christ which would be followed once the Two Witnesses shall be killed in Jerusalem, Resurrect from the death after 3.5 days and Raptured or Ascend to heaven. And No believers shall be raptured to heaven as of proposed by the false teachers and false Preachers, and of them are believers to different lengths and ministering by the Unclean Spirit that they inherit from their Parent’s. During the ministry of the Lord, He made it very clear in John 15:5

“for without me ye can do nothing”

and Revelation 3:20 proves that the Lord isn’t in the Churches that exists prior to His return.

The believers have made so many concepts of the Biblical doctrines, and one of the concept is that the Two Witnesses of JESUS described in the Revelation chapter 11 were that the Old Testament figures like Enoch, Moses, and Elijah. The reasons for it, is that the repetition of miracles performed by Moses and Elijah, and another concept stem from the theory of death, as Enoch and Elijah didn’t die, so they had to be returned back to the planet earth and perform what they have done in the ancient world. However, the fulfilment of the words of JESUS shall only be fulfilled when someone become like JESUS and repeat what JESUS did back to the 1st century world. 1 John 2:6,

“whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked.”

John says because of the fact that the Lord clearly instructed the disciples in His meeting near to the shores of Galilee, John 21 chapter and the instruction was that they must follow the Lord Jesus Christ, and even the instruction was so profound to Peter an Apostles “YOU FOLLOW ME” in verse 22.

If we go back to the 1st Century and study the Gospels and the Epistles, and notice the ministry of the early Apostles was centred on following their Master, and only by following JESUS, the instruction of the Lord that” You follow me” shall be accomplished, and it’s pretty well known to the early disciples that they can’t accomplish in their days, and it would take time, and that’s the reason they stressed to grow in the grace and knowledge of knowing JESUS in all of their letters. Thus, anybody have become like JESUS then he shall be able to repeat what JESUS did back then to the 21st century world. The book of Revelation 11 and the Two Witnesses of JESUS are assigned to do what JESUS did in the 1st century. The following facts are summarised to know the things needs to be repeated by the Apostles which are done by the Lord as part of the fulfilment of His words.

1.JESUS claimed to exist before Abraham was born in John 8:58. No, early Apostles claimed like that because it’s not possible by them and it has to be repeated, and in this regard the Lord said in Matthew 16:28,

“Truly, I say to you, there are SOME standing here who will not taste death

until they see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom.”

So, the Two Witnesses of JESUS are able to claim to exist before 2000 years in the 21st century, so as to fulfil this saying of JESUS. The fact of the matter is that anyone who received the Holy Spirit into his physical body then eventually the age of the Holy Spirit is applicable to him, the age of the Holy Spirit is that the day of Pentecost of 1st century and up until now, that’s to say 1988 years as I write in this article, therefore, a person who received the Holy Spirit into his physical body can claim to exist before 2000 years, and that’s how this saying of the Lord shall be fulfilled, and believers have made a blunder mistake by articulating that this verse was fulfilled when the Lord took Peter, John and James to the Holy Mountain and transfigured, and that’s nothing to do with a second coming of the Lord because of the fact that the Lord not even ascended to heaven.

2.How do we know someone received the Holy Spirit into his physical body? There is only one way to receive the Holy Spirit into the physical body, and that’s by the Result of studying the word of God, not just studying the word of God without a Result. So, the Result of studying the word of God is the reception of the HOLY SPIRIT into the physical body by the Removal of the Unclean Spirit or Spirit inherited from the Parent’s. Therefore, anybody received the HOLY SPIRIT then eventually become a Temple of God. Jews back then demanded a Sign from heaven despite various explanation the Lord had given, but they didn’t understand and insisted a sign from heaven, and the Lord challenged by saying in John 2:19,

“Destroy this temple, and in three days I will raise it up”.

The early disciples didn’t challenge like that to their brutal killers, there is no scriptures or any historical records but they knew pretty well to challenge powers of death like the Lord did, the mandate hasn’t been given to them but it’s given to the Christians who live prior to the Second coming of the Lord, and that anybody received the Holy Spirit and become a Temple of God and obviously the Temple of God can’t be destroyed by any power,

this’s the same the Two Witnesses are carrying out during their days of ministry.

3. No early disciples resurrect from the death as of the Lord, the Lord fulfilled what He challenged by resurrecting from the death on a 3rd day, and Jews back then didn’t come to the tomb to witness the resurrection of the Lord on 3rd day, and it’s there fault. Thus, the Two Witnesses shall challenge the Powers of death and repeat what the Lord did, by resurrecting from the death in 3.5 days as described in Revelation 11:11-12,

“But after the three and a half days a breath of life from God entered them,

and they stood up on their feet, and great fear fell on those who saw them.

Then they heard a loud voice from heaven saying to them,

“Come up here!” And they went up to heaven in a cloud,

and their enemies watched them”.

So, the Two Witnesses shall be RAPTURED or ASCEND to the heaven. The above explanations clearly point out that the mandate to Repeat these few things hasn’t been given to the early disciples, and it has been given in the book of Revelation 11, and obviously the book of Revelation wasn’t made available to them. These are the reasons, the ministry for the LORD JESUS CHRIST has to be carried from where early Apostles LEFT OFF and accomplished the rest, and that the Journey of the ministry of the early disciples shall only be ended when the Two Witnesses shall meet their Lord in Heaven fulfilling His instruction in John 21:22, YOU FOLLOW ME.

The Two Witnesses are in line with early disciples, being followers of their Lord. Old Testament figures like Enoch, Moses and Elijah were nothing to do with a New Testament. The Witnesses of JESUS were the title allotted only to the early Apostles, not to anybody, and it must only be a possibility when someone receives the HOLY SPIRIT irrespective of timeline. Thus, the concept of Old Testament figures are the result of the believers who have no the indwelling of the HOLY SPIRIT, nor they are authorised to embark ministry for the Lord, the Two Witnesses shall shut the mouth of the False Preachers who Preach of falsehood as it’s symbolically written in Revelation 11:6 that they have authority to shut that no rain may fall, the blood of Jesus shed on the cross and on this planet was to destroy the works of devil that happens in men, so it point out symbolically that they turn water into blood that ultimately leads to destruction of living being in the water. The Two Witnesses and their Family has been written in Chapter 12 who have their roots from Jerusalem as of the Prophet Zacharias prophesied in Zachariah chapter 4:14. They have further rooted back to the family of Adam and Eve who had been created by God the Father.

As of now in the 21st century, the Two Witnesses of JESUS, the Truly Saved, Truly Repented, Truly Redeemed and truly Born Again has become LIKE JESUS, Luke 6:40 & fulfilling various end time scriptures, and at the appropriate time comes, they would be recognised by the world, and then the world would turn conducive to the word of God described in the book of Revelation 11, and until that happens no power can hurt them nor destroy them who now lives in South India, debating with a false teachers of Christianity, Judaism, Atheists and others, testifying the LORD JESUS CHRIST, the way the LORD did back then and reach to the city of Jerusalem for the Climax of the world and the Return of the MESSIAH who was slain, not for Himself but for all mankind, who was, and is and is to come, and His name be glorified for ever.

William G Peter wgpeter1967@gmail.com