#this christmas and their birthday i've wished them happy holidays and birthday and those they responded to but neither of us took

[silverandebony]

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[skell3]

Jan Kilbride Fairchild musings

Because I've been writing him more lately and wanted to put this down somewhere. These are just personal headcanons for RP stuff, really.

• Jan grew up with parents who didn't really plan or want a child, so they provided only the 'necessary'; no need for birthday parties or Christmas, with the 'You already have toys, buy whatever else you want with your allowance'

• While quite smart, his is Very Blond and can be dense about feelings and emotional stuff (mostly directed at him/his own). If someone's crushing on him, they're going to have to tell him directly or show him how they feel.

• Smart, and by secondary school he realized how his parents were compared to those of the others at school. He compromised with some things, enjoying friend's birthdays and wishing happy holidays to people but never got into participating. To the point that, as an adult, he just took on the holiday hours and spent any vacation time at his home.

• As he got older, some of the most simple of affections had drawn him in. He's got some questionable exes that not only taught him some life lessons, but he would rather not talk about them. His first love is space, after all, so he can move on and hope for something better.

• In this AU, he became an avatar of the Vast and eventually was tucked into the Fairchild fold by Simon. His particulars have to do with gravity and space, with fears like falling/floating into the sky and not having anything close enough to grab on to. He also could instill the feeling of insignificance to the universe at how small and not even a breath to the things out there so much larger than them. He's still a baby avatar and learning what he can do, what works best for him, and how to bend his version of Sky Blue- The Void- to suit his needs.

• Growing up with an interest in science, it was a primary school teacher that got him into space. Since then, his allowance has gone into books, magazines and even his first little telescope. He did get a bunch of glow in the dark stars to stick on his ceiling but his parents refused to allow him to do that, so he stuck them to his school things and had them until they fell off.

• Jan would make a great housewife, keeping things clean and tidy and also a decent cook. It helped up on the Daedalus and would be perfect for having roommates (Maybe Manuela and Carter). He's chatty, however, and a bouncing golden retriever of a man who also cries pretty easily, so someone would probably need to help care for him emotionally.

• After the events of the Daedalus, Jan has hearing aids for both ears and a difficulty walking at times. Like he can never quite get used to normal gravity anymore, even as he can control his own. When he's super 'hungry' and hadn't taken on enough fear, he feels heavy and can't move as easily. It started a little before he became an avatar, but intensified after and he has to watch where he's going.

• Without his hearing aids in, Jans brain fills in the sound void with the sound of the Titan. Though it's just a memory of the noise, the Titan essentially sings him to sleep or comforts him when he has to have his hearing aids out for loud things or when it rains.

• Along with the gravity issue, he gets lost in staring up at the stars a little too easily. Sometimes he can be found somewhere up high just stargazing and totally not paying attention at all to his surroundings. This has gotten him in trouble a few times, but others he's had Mike Crew or Manuela to hang out with him and enjoy them too.

Space man. Man space man. Vastard Jan my baby boy. Gertrude did not get her hands on this one, nor should she ever. She might find it difficult to because he keeps close company with a lot of people who would protect him.

[popculturebuffet]

Christmas in July: Nickmas!: Nickmas Unite! (Birthday Review for WeirdKev27)

Hello all you happy people. Christmas in July is almost over, i'm almost on vacation, but we still have some presents for you.

FOR THE LAST TIME MICKEY ROONEY IT'S NOT YOUR TURN YET.

No we're giving you something good, as it's time to start what will be a possibly twice yearly, defintely yearly tradition as it's NICKMAS!

Nickmas is us celebrating nick's giant pile of holiday specials: Kev and Me both grew up on Nick so this is sure to be a nostalgia filled few years.

Starting us off we're tackling four childhood faviorites, the boys who headlined nicktoons unite and were some of the networks best and most notable shows: Fairly Odd Parents, Jimmy Neutron, Danny Phantom and Spongebob Squarepants. It feels like a great year to do so too: Fairly Odd Parents has a fresh reboot currently airing, Danny Phantom turns 20, Spongebob turns 25 and Jimmy Neutron... er.. fucking rips? It feels weird to do FOP without it, so it's here. It also saves me from having to do the my life as a teenage robot christmas special as while I love that show dearly, said special is contained with all the sadness and misery in the world and also kicks puppies.

I may have to rethink piling all the bad specials into one go. I may not be able to get out of that alive. But for now we have four certified classics to get through filled with holiday joy, will arnett, falsetto mr krabs, Jimmy shooting santa, holiday mob boss easter bunnies, eggnog, dead parrots, shots at arbor day and musical numbers. Lots of musical numbers. Let's begin under the cut.

We begin with our faviorite average kid who no one understands, who I was happy to revisit. I enjoy what i've watched of a new wish so far, and can't wait to binge more on my upcoming break.

For now we're back with the OG, and Christmas Every Day was a faviorite of mine as a kid and holds up just as well.

The premise like a lot of classic fairly odd parents is simple, yet crazy effective: Timmy loves christmas not just for the giant mountain of toys, enough to scrooge mcduck in, but for the genuinely sweet reason that it's the one day a year his parents don't abandon him to the cruel whims of Vicky. Also it's weird to hear her again as Grey Delise is playing her a bit younger her than she would be in later instalments. It fits, it's just weird to hear.

As a result the song about how much he loves getting the day with them is really sweet. And the interjections of "Timmy can't get a girlfriend" from both of his dads are hilarous. It gives the special heart and sets this wish apart from Timmy's usual selfish ill thought out wish: He just wants his parents to actually.. spend time with him. It's deeply sad and a reminder just how, if untetionally, sad his life is: his parents love him on some level, in the good episodes anyway, but are just ultimately oblivious to how much he really ne eds them. Good thing he got backups but still.

The wish is also accidental, simply something he muses as he falls asleep, and goes with because well.. he wants his parents to be around. That makes it so while he DOES have to undo the consequences, you don't feel bad for him nor the need for him to have some commpuance as he does in some wishes: there's no hubris here just a kid wanting more of a good thing and not thinking through the implications. It's something the early seasons of Fairly Odd Parents and the revival do well: Not having Timmy or Hazel be malicious, simply short sighted and in Timmy's case arrogant.

In this case the banks are closed, god bless online banking, the stores are closed, and the schools are closed.. which chester is fine with. This was also back when Frankie Munez did his voice. Jason Marsden was fine, but it's one of those cases where they didn't even bother to get a double. That and Frankie Voiced Chester for most of the time he was relevant, so that dosen't help. With his dad going mad from lack of eggnog which is just a great runner from his addiction, his cries of "mine" and of course lockjaw who just.. shows up out of nowhere and wins our hearts.

I also give this episode credit for finding a credible way to counter Timmy pressing undo, something the series had more trouble with as it went without either making up a rule or falling back on "cosmo and wanda loose their wands. ": Santa gets his powers FROM the fairies lending him theirs.. and after 14 or so days of not having them, his godparents can't undo it. I also like that Wanda TRIES to warn him.. but dosen't have the heart to break Timmys.

The antagonists for the specials are the other holidays represnetives: The Easter Bunny, Cupid, The April Fool, and Halloweenie Dog... whose actually just Easter Bunny's dog because Jack Skelington told him

Their simple: Cupid is camp, BECAUSE MEN BEING INTO LOVE IS GAY RIGHTTTTT, April Fool is Jerry Seinfeld back when he wasn't old man who yells at comedy for being woke, and the Easter Bunny as some form of mobster is neat. Wish he'd got a spotlight like the other two.

The antagonists are fine, their mostly kinda there. Case in point I forgot about Baby New Year whose big and a grown man now. Their fine for the plot device they are, to get Timmy to go across the world to save christmas so he can meet with Santa directly, but aren't super memorable aside from the April Fool. What's up with that? And Cupid , sterotyping aside, isn't TERRIBLE... I just don't likes him because his later special is awful and he thinks matching people is "forcing you to be with someone even if you don't want to and they stalk you a bunch".

Still Timmy's jounrey is a lot of fun, as he gets help from various kids.. including those in Quebec... which the writers think acts exactly like france, but i'll let it slide as they at least knew what Quebec was? I mean they mentioned it outright, showed plenty of canadian flags and kid me STILL thought Timmy went to france.

It also leads to a ncie climax: I like the conception of Santa here as a 90's corprate buisness man till he gets his magica nd kind to timmy, evne if he' sgetting coal for life at first for this.

The end battle is also neat as while Santa has the powers of a god... baby new year absorbs them. Thankfully the other kids all show up , the generic villians realize they done goofed, and the solution is creative: Timmy realizes the way to undo this: have EVERY KID IN THE WORLD , who belivies in santa anyway or isn't jewish or Islamic or a whole cornocopia of other religions and dosen't celebrate christmas and their repsective holidays, wriote to santa. It's a neat finish and it delivers a good lesson: Christmas is special.. because it's once a year and good to enjoy it while you got it for what it is. This special is great, a bit messy in act 2, the holidays are pretty whatever, but it has enough charm, creativity and warmth to make a truly great holiday special.

This one... is the only one me and my good friend @jess-the-vampire who watched these first three with me (We ran out of time before spongebob), didn't really remember despite growing up with all four of these. It didn't help that for her it was absent from Netflix when they had it and it's been absent from most streaming for what seems to be musical rights reasons before finally being restored to Paramount+. Even back in the day this one didn't seem to be replayed that much and unlike Danny PHantom, whose special also didn't get a lot of replay, it wasn't because the series was being shafted by the network.. yet. It just.. didn't get replayed for whatever reason while Spongebob and Fairly Odd Parents did and didn't seemingly have the OOMPH danny phantom did.

That being said.. this special's still a lot of fun and reminds me why this show is so dang good. Unlike Timmy who was on his best behavior, the special has Jimmy FIRMLY in the wrong, something the series does well. Jimmy is charasmatic, kind and often just fucks up because while he has the brain of a genius.. he also has the brain of a 12 year old and his ego and inexperince cause him to fuck up a bunch. It keeps the formula of "Jimmy's inventions cause chaos" form getting boring as how can vary: sometims it's him, sometims it's his family and why it's him, either hubris or simple childish mistakes, varies nicely.

In this case Jimmy hates christmas, specifically Santa. At first it just seems to be the typical jimmy "Science says it's not true so it isn't", questoning how it all works when Carl brings in horrifiying cheese nips from last year he left for santa, what santa didn't eat but touched. He also unintetionally breaks his friends spirit, questoning HOW santa functions enough to make carl sad. What makes this work is Jimmy dosen't do so intetnionally: Cindy won't let that shit go and spends the episode trying to humilate him for it, and let's face it more for her own ego and amusment, but Jimbo GENUINELy didn't mean to do that and apologizes later, which Carl takes easily.

He also has a resonable freudian excuse: He asked for a dwarf star 5 years ago and didn't get it, and then being who he is, spent the next 5 mathmatically proving Santa dosen't work. He's still a skeptical asshole, doubting the truth when his dna scanner picks up some of santa's dna on the cheez nips.. but Sheen's there the whole time needling him to keep it from being insufferable: he points out the obvious solution: Jimmy was just naughty (He did try to blow up the earth that year and all), and cheers on Carl whose kind and optimstic. This is the best carl: where he's not a dick, just a kind weird kid.

So Jimmy not able to let this go heads to the north pole and procides to be an absolute asshole, refusing to belivie the escalting proof from finding Santa's workshop to finding elves, figuring it's first a military base and then a toy shop

Even SHOOTING SANTA dosen't convince him. Cindy uses this to humilate him and when he sends her home.. she airs the footage, making it pretty clear that while Jimmy defintely needs to be humbled, and will be... she's in it for herself and only herself and will also get brought down a peg. It's why I like their rivalry and later relationship: Cindy isn't a super genius and can be a bully.. but she's often socially smarter than jimmy, yet just as egotistical as she razzes him for.

So this leads to our b plot which is barely there, but it's also lead by Hugh, whose the best, so it's naturally entertaining: He decides the best way to fix this? Make a pie themed holiday called Pule, sing a song about it, and then give up when Jimmy inevitibly saves christmas. God I missed him man. If All Star Brawl 2 gets another season BRING HIM BACK. BRING MY BOY BACK TO ME.

The main plot though is neat as Jimmy plans to save christmas... to prove Santa's not real

Thankfully he delivers MOST of the presents.. and also gets his hubris as trying to make his plane go super fast leads to it falling apart and Carl's happy he was proven wrong... even as Sheen poitns out

Thankfully santa saves them and I like this version: a super scientest like jimmy whose able to still deliver to retroville and while mildly sore at jimmy, is appricative he fixed his mistake. He also takes the boy down a few pegs by revealing Sheen was right. Because sheen's the best. Jimmy's proven himself though and gets his happy ending: he admits he was wrong, shows humility and gets his dwarf star. Cindy and Libby get coal as they deserve, a happy ending for all.

This specail is solid.. but I also see why I forgot it. The other specials here feel well..special. Something diffrent from the normal episode while still fitting the series like a glove. This one.. feels like a Jimmy Neutron episode that just happens to take place at christmas and be a half an hour long, not something super uncommon for this show. It's not bad, i'ts still quite good, but I can see why the other three in this batch are remembered more. They stand out more from the normal episodes and have unique hooks while this one is a pretty standard Jimmy adventure that just happens to involve him shooting santa, which is weird in of itself but really not a huge stretch from his usual adventures.

I've missed covering this show and INTENDED to do more this year, but got sidetracked by a lot of theme months and other stuff going on. I also haven't gotten back to jli

So it's nice to return to a pretty popular series on this blog and just in time for the anniversary.

It's also a great episode to come back with as Fright Before Christmas is excellent. Nearly flawless. It also has some nice character stuff as it's christmas time: Sam is not her usual self, happily celbrating everyone's holidays and loving the season. It's nice to see her not only happy , but to be the voice of reason without her usual judgmental tone: she just geninely enjoys sharing the holidays. Tucker... is sadly his usual self and dawns a missletoe hat to aid in his sexual harassment

Danny however is a real scrooge

Okay not that scrooge the other less fun one. Though Danny probably could ride a fucking lion and that's something the graphic novel writers should really consider.

No Danny hates christmas.. and for entirely valid reasons: HIs parents fight every year about wether Santa exists and unlike the other three cartoons in this block, there's no answer. I mean he could exist, we've seen nice ghosts at this point. But I like that they dont' answer their argumetn, just have the two both be dicks, with Maddie loudly telling a bunch of children he isn't real. Every year they've fucked it up from baby danny getting piddled on by a reindeer to their christmas dinner overcoking and trying to murder him and jazz when he was 5. I also like using the fact Sam is newer to the friend group for this: it makes Tucker's expositoin feel real.

So Danny goes to the ghost zone to blow off steam.. and ends up pissing off the exact wrong ghost; Ghostwriter. Ghostwriter is an amazing one off villian, one I wish came back but i'm fine didn't as his one appearnce is evne better than I remember. It helps he's voiced by batman horseman himself, Will Arnett, in one of his earlier voice acting roles and he nails it: Ghostwriter is just a write rmiding his buisness who has a legit beef with danny, unlike most of his rogues who want to kick his ass for ruining their mayhem or for mistaking them for a bully or him prevneting them from porking his mom. Danny destroys his christmas poem then dosen't apologize... and soon learns maybe pissing off ghosts after over a year of fighting them was a bad move.

Ghostwriter traps Danny in a story and what I like is this SEEMINGLY gives him the power of a god.. but it's within fair limits: he can't MAKE danny do things and while he later does directly manipulate people's actions it's in the ghost zone itslef where he seems to have more power, which makes sense: he can't manipulate the human world outside of stuff ghosts can normally do, using his power to make shit come to life (something a LOT of ghosts do on this show), so Danny will destroy it and be blamed for it with other people not having the context he wasn't responsible. He can't MAKE danny or co do anything.. but he can manipulate the situation, spending the evening making danny look bad, haunting presents, trees and reindeer to make it look like Danny's richard nixon and just wants to sneak into peopl'es homes at night and wreck up the place.

For the most part this really works: While Ghostwriter went WAY too far, danny's own anger and bad mood means he can't see what he's doing till it's too late. Ghostwriter wins.. simply by playing Danny. The only part that dosen't work is Jazz getting mad at him for destroying her bear.. when it was clearly possesed.

That said his friends clearly get something is wrong, but they'll help later. For now he finds help from the last place he'd expect it: his Rogues gallery. When he goes to tell Ghostwriter what the five fingers said to the face, Ghostwriter redirects him to a christmas party with all his foes.. not quite as good as a slumber party but still neat. In a nice twist turns out the ghosts have a christmas truce: it applies to ALL ghosts, danny included and while most of them make no secret they'll try and kill him tommorow, it's a nice gesture of good will that shows these guys aren't assholes ALL the time and adds a tiny bit of worldbuilding. It even makes more sense than I thought as most of the ghosts present, spectra, betram, ember, the princess, deseriee, are the ones either implied to be former humans or are outright said to be. Only Skulker really stands out as one that was ghost zone born and even he abides.

They don't abide people who break it and prepare to break ghostwriter. I also love how this sidelines him purely because unlike Danny's actions.. he didn't see it coming. he geninely forgot and was , not unfairly, under the impression they'd all break it. Instead they prepare to break him, but he counters. Danny counters by breaking his keyboard.. which frees everyone.. but dosen't stop thes tory. As Ghostwriter didn't get a chance to explain, there's only two ways out: for him to write an ending, which is hard to do as he's going to prison for a long time for this shit as Walker is one of the ghosts under the truce. I mean the law abiding prick is going to abide by the rules after all.

So Danny goes home miserable.. but it's his friends who pull him out. Granted I don't get WHY he never tells them what's going on, but this ending is still sweet to a point. His friends get this isn't like him and comfort him.. and Danny realizes just because his holidays mostly suck.. dosen't mean he has to ruin them for everyone else. Being a giant dick about it to everyone and everything won't make his holiday BETTER... and thankfully he can fix the damage ghost writer did as all the other ghosts show up to fix the presents because they can do that now.

Honestly I'm fine with the ending: Danny recovers, his story ends and ghost rider is fine with that in prison. My only issue is th ewhole "Maddie and jack ruin danny's christmas every year" thing is never adressed. They never.. learn anything which isn't entirely unrealistic, but is annoying. His parents... just never really get WHAT they did wrong and never get called out on it. I get Danny had to learn a lesson too but it's weird they don't. This isn't some fun tradition, it's an argument that affects their kids every. Damn. year.

Otherwise.. this is a great special, lots of fun wordplay and while I forgot to mention it, once Ghost writer takes over the whole thing is in rhyme. It's a nice touch that really gives the episode a festive feel. and the whole cast is here for it. It also helps danny as him using an orange breaks Ghostwriters concentration as nothing rhymes with orange. IT's a really great holiday special and well worth your time this july or you know during actual christmas.

Our last one and the big one here as it's the one that gets replayed the most.. granted it's because like Fairly Odd Parents it lasted forever and is still going and probably will till god emperor spongebob consumes our universe as is his destiny. It was also the only Spongebob Christmas special for a long time. We'll get to the others someday, but since they were made closer together I felt it was okay to go ahead and do the original.

We get some patchy Segments which I honestly forgot were here. I do miss ole patchy and i'm happy they used him again. It's always fun to see Tom kenny throw on the costume and it was only recently I found out that was him. I mean i'ts obvious in retrospect but eh.

The patchy stuff is fine, mostly some fun bits with potty who also looses his body. He's apparently immortal. or a puppet in universe 2. Hard to tell. Either way I fear him in the days to come.

Patchy tells us of Spongebob's first christmas, and I like the storybook style of this, complete with a few bits of Spongebob in the present getting ready and patrick.. doing the bare as minimum. Can relate.

The main story though is Spongebob finding out what Christmas is from Sandy after assuming her tree being lit up means it's on fire. Which is adorable. So she tells him about Santa and he tells everyone. Patrick's on board because he's also a children when the plot wants him to be like his best buddy, and Mr Krabs is on board because free shit boyo. Squidward naturally.. wants no part of this and is a fucked up little whiny bitch the whole episode. And his whole life but we don't have time to unpack that waking nightamare. Point is his job is to be sour and refuse to engage and call spongebob insane.. even though Sandy told him. Sandy is conviently missing from the special.

In fact I realized from this that Sandy almost never interacts with Squidward in the show's golden age. The only time I could find up to this episode was the Halloween Episode, while it would be four more episodes till Pressure, the most they really interact in this era. She tends to be either around just spongebob or spongebob and patrick, with Mr Krabs getting exactly one appearnce with her with Karate Choppers before pressure. It's not a BAD thing, Sandy easily cuts through Squidwards bullshit and he works better either being the foil to mr krabs or the ants at sponge bob and patrick's picnic.. or vice versa. Sandy's too calm and rational for his cynical nonsense while Spongebob no sells it most of the time due to his naivete and kindness. It's the same reason Mr Krabs and Sandy don't interact much either: Sandy's intellgence, level head and friendship with sponebob would make it harder for him to take advantage of our boy.

That said her absence from this one.. still feels weird. I get the story works better without her.. but it also needs her to take off, making her absence from the rest of it weirdly obvious. I didn't really notice how little she interacts with squidward and mr krabs because the show still has her go to the krusty krab on occasion, giving you the illusion they interact more than they do. Here they draw attention to her absence as her being around to tell Squidward "No santa's real you schmuck" or "He may or may not be but leave spongebob alone or else" would solve the plot.

And honestly as big and wide as this plot hole is... it ultimately dosen't matter. The story is good enough, funny enough and creative enough it just dosen't matter. Some of my faviorite gags are Mr. Krabs asking for "A Pony" (With saddlebags full of cash naturally), mostly for Clancy Brown's pitch perfect delivery. He is my faviorite and always will be. I also like the new hat guy having a head shaped for said hat, Mr Krabs falsetto in the very first christmas song, and i'm probably forgetting some as being a seaon 2 spongebob episode the joke pacing is fucking incredible.

The pacing in general works well: The specail is only 18 minutes but feels shorter as it dosen't really spare a minute: every minute either has a joke or uses the situation well as Spongebob spreads christmas to the town, Squidward continues to suck suprising no one, and we get the "very first christmas to me song" a truly heartwarming musical number with some good gags baked in. Seriously Krabs give your ex more than fruitcake. Also the star on top bit with patrick is so cute.

Santa Claus is comin tonight tonight is also adorable.. and heartbreaking when Santa dosen't come, leaving spongebob broken. Squidward does easily the most dickish thing he's ever done. April Fools as bad as it ended up... is a bit fair given both how Spongebob wouldn't stop, and how Squidward didn't mean to be the king of ashole mountain that time. This time.. he sees spongebob broke down in tears, and GLOATS taking a picture while laughing. I used to think the ending was a bit much, that because he did the right thing he hadn't earned it but... no .. it's karma.

So Squidward gets a gift from sponebob.. a custom made claranet, complete with little figures. IT's a truly sweet gesture that shows what a nice guy spongebob is.. and how much squidward sucks dirty ass in thunderstorms. And not the fun way he usually does.

So he plays santa, Spongebob buys it.. but spreads it to everyone else, forcing sqwuiardward to give away everything he owns. And this.. works better for me. I used to avoid this special as I felt the ending was a bit to omean but as I said... squidward earned it. It's somethign the middle seasons forgot: Squidward is fine being punished but he has to EARN it. It's why i'm still not a big fan of the magic conch or i'm with stupid, both feeling like predecessors to the cruller later episodes which picked on characters for no reason. Here .. Squidward can't just let spongebob have fun and while Spongebob is mildly pushy trying to include him, it's entirely well meaning and sweet. He isn't trying to force anything he just wants squidward to get a present, and Swuidward just can't let him enjoy it. He dosen't HAVE to join in.. but he also dosen't have to be a dick about it. And tha'ts why him loosing everything dosen't feel too bad for me. That and I get he'll just have it back next episode. Santa does thank him though.

Overally Christmas Who? is a solid christmas special, a true winter delight with a lot of good jokes, warmth and a well deserved karmic ending for Squidward that also has him learn some empathy

Rankings: Since any time I forget to do this kev asks me anyway let's rank these suckers.

Christmas Every Day

The Fright Before Christmas

Christmas Who?

Holly Jolly Jimmy

Not a single one of these are bad. These are all great, I just think CHristmas Every Day is the most consitent, not having the plot gaps the middle two have. Holly Jolly Jimmy dosen't have that but dosen't have the extra oomph the others do, that push to make this special feel.. special. There's nothing wrong with an average christmas episode, it's just not as memorable as the others.

So with that CHristmas in July is almost done. There's one present left i've been hinting at/threatening and it's time fo ryou to unwrap it. Until then thanks for reading.

[swampndn]

CW: child sexual assault, child abuse, alcoholism

Six years ago today, I finally found my maternal grandfather’s people. I've been thinking a lot about him recently and feeling that grief of all he lost. Then I got the Facebook memory reminder. So I wanna talk about him. Feels like I should.

His name was James, and he was stolen as a toddler and sold to a Mormon family in Utah. He never knew his tribe or where he came from, just that he was Native. When he escaped as a teen, he went to Oklahoma because that's where he knew the Natives were and thought it'd be his best chance. He ended up in Vietnam, survived the Navy, came back to Oklahoma, then met my maternal grandmother (a white woman), and quickly had my mother and uncle shortly after.

My mother's mother was an evil woman. She and her entire racist ass family are. They hated my grandfather because of who he was, so much so that they lied to the courts and said that he was a drunk to take away his kids. It worked. This all happened exactly 1 year before the Indian Child Welfare Act too. Before that, he never drank in his life, but after that loss, he started and, unfortunately, couldn't stop for nearly 15 years.

My mom was then raised and physically/sexually abused by her white family. They constantly told her and my uncle that they should be ashamed of being Native because of their father, and those people did everything they could to make them white. My mom's a deeply complicated person, especially being that she couldn't break the cycle of abuse with my siblings and I. But this post isn't about her. My uncle also experienced the physical abuse, and he developed a drug addiction when he was just 12yo to cope. My grandfather developed alcoholism during this separation period, and his health began to decline.

But! Good news! When my mom ran away from home at 16yo, my father's family took her in. My mom said that she was immediately drawn to my dad because he was Native, connected to his people, and came from an unapologetically Native home. So she finally found some kind of community, and also she was finally able to reconnect with her dad. (And also in the eventual marrying of my father, they ex-communicated my mom. I got a wild story from when I was about 8yo and the first and last time I met them, but that's for a different post for a different day.)

The day she got in contact with my grandfather after being forcibly no contact her entire upbringing was the day he stopped drinking cold turkey. She talks about how after that he was at every single school event and every holiday. My uncle finally got out of there too, and he also reconnected with my grandfather. My dad's family welcomed them both.

My uncle died at 18yo from the lingering effects of his addiction about a year before I was born. It was sudden and unexpected, especially since he, like my grandfather, had stopped using when he reunited with his dad. My mom talks about how involved and happy my uncle was with my sister as a baby. He was James, Jr., but went by Jimmy mainly.

My grandfather had also been heavily involved with us, and he had some kind of prophecy gift. He predicted the sex of all of my mom's kids just by touching her belly, and he knew a bunch of other things too. He used to take my sister and I fishing nearly every weekend, and he got me a Minnie Mouse fishing pole to use. He taught my sister how to ride a bike. I was still too little for a bike, but he got me a tricyle. One Christmas, he rented a helicopter after saving up all year and flew into a neighborhood park dressed like Santa. I do wish I could remember those things firsthand, but I've been told about them and seen lots of pictures.

Unfortunately, all of that was short-lived because he died the day after my sister's 5th birthday when I was only 3yo. We knew something was wrong because he wasn't at her party, and in all this time, he never missed a single event. Even though he never drank again, his prior alcoholism was so severe that he passed from cirrhosis of the liver. My mom was pregnant with my younger brother at the time, so he never got to meet him - but my grandfather did let my mom know he was a boy. (This was back when IHS refused to do ultrasounds. You know how it is.)

He died in 1996 never knowing who his people are. There were no clues. No one knew anything until March 29, 2018.

Finding his people was completely by chance. I went on a trip in March 2018 with a now ex-partner to the Mescalero Apache rez in New Mexico to see some of his extended family. We got there in the middle of the night, and the next morning (March 29th), I went outside to see the landscape. I'd never been to New Mexico before, so I was excited to see mountains and the desert. The moment I stepped outside of the motel and saw the land, I felt an overwhelming grief that I immediately burst into tears. The only way I could describe it was the feeling of a mother who was convinced her child was no longer alive for years and years, suddenly finding out that her baby survived. I will never forget what that felt like, and honestly, now it feels even more powerful than before. I can hardly even think about it writing this because tears are happening.

As soon as I was able to be coherent again after all that grief, my first thought was that this is where my grandfather was from. I knew it. I was fully convinced. The rest of that trip I kept looking at all these Apache faces in the tribal gas station, on the road, and just around and wondering if any of them were family. So many looked familiar, but I wasn't going to do or say anything until I got home and could try and find some of my grandfather's records. Hell, I didn't even tell my then-partner about it when it happened because I wanted to be sure. He even asked me why I was crying standing outside the motel door, and I just said that the land was so beautiful that I was moved. Fortunately for me (one of the many bad signs for him) is that he didn't ask any follow-up questions, so I was able to keep it to myself for the time being.

When I got back home, I got ahold of his birth certificate, and I called the Mescalero Apache records office. After a couple weeks, it was confirmed. He even had living family still. Getting that phone call was so emotional, and I still cry about the relief and also the anger that he died not knowing. I know his spirit is at peace now, and every time I've been to New Mexico since 2018, I feel such a comfort. The land told me on March 29, 2018, and today I'm just thinking about how grateful I am that she did.

As I have been thinking a lot about grief, land, healing, legacy, blood memory, the responsibilities of parenthood, and the next seven generations recently (mainly due to a project I've been working on this week), I don't think it's an accident that today was the anniversary of that event while I go into a performance tomorrow about just this very thing: the land grieving and healing and telling us why.

There's not too many pictures of him because he was the one usually taking pictures of us. But here's a candid I have from my toddler days (mid-blink lol).

[roseonne]

a call from home

Reni receives a sudden call at midnight.

for god-za's fabulous director ! ( ao3 link )

A quarter 'til midnight. The night is quiet, the windows fully draped with curtains swaying slightly to the gentle evening breeze. The only sources of illumination visible to Reni's eyes are those from the faintly glowing moon, its twinkling stars, and the tiniest lightbulbs slowly flickering on and off that decorate the whole town with the spirit of Christmas.

Reni leans a little further back into his seat; legs crossed and fingers entwined altogether across his chest.

This isn't the first time he's spent the holiday season away from home. Earlier this week, GOD-za opens their annual string of Christmas-themed performances. It's an event he swore to oversee until the end, and never miss. But as the General Director of the most fabulous theater company in Veludo Way, one of his utmost duties is to meet up with important people and negotiate potential sponsorships effective hopefully at the beginning of the following year. He can't let any opportunity like this to pass. Especially if it's for the future legacy of GOD-za.

"Although," Reni wistfully says, "it does get a bit lonely sometimes."

Reni glances down at his wristwatch; and a defeated sigh slips through his lips.

It's that time of the year again and his age is gradually getting the better of him. Too bad there isn't anything he can do to actually address having to feel this way, every once in a while. It's just the nature of people. Humans, he believes. The older they grow, the more attached they are towards each other, and thus the more difficult it gets to live apart from them.

Reminiscing about the past, his growthーtheir growth, and what the future could possibly look like, all comes to a sudden pause when a familiar sound reaches his ears. 

Reni looks back from over his shoulder. It's his phone. It's ringing.

"Who in the world would decide to contact me at such a terrible time?" He wonders aloud.

Internally wishing for it to stop, the ringtone soon halts just as he likes. But not even a few seconds after did it start ringing back to life; prompting Reni to finally rise from his lovely seat by the overlooking view of the balcony window, and pick up.

Little did he expect a smile to appear on his face upon pressing the green 'answer call' button, though.

"Reni-saaaaan!" It's Shift.

"Hey, Shift!" That's Haruto's voice. "Have some manners when greeting people on the phone!"

Reni swallows a lump that formed in his throat. "It's alright, Haruto."

"Butー"

"We're so sorry for calling so late at night!" Madoka chimes in, worry filling every inch of his tone.

"All of you, calm down." Reni could almost feel his head throb. (He places a hand up to his temple, just in case.) "What brings the three of you together?"

"Oh, we wanted to surprise you!" Shift cheerfully answers.

Reni raises an eyebrow. "Surprise me? What for?"

"W-Well, it's supposed to be a special day for Reni-san so..." Madoka stammers.

"Ugh," Reni could recognize that groan from anywhere, any time. "Both of you, move aside."

With a quick clear of his throat, Haruto formally reveals their plan to the world.

To surprise Reni-san with an unannounced call and greet him a 'happy birthday!' when the clock strikes 12 on the 23rd of the month.

"We thought you might feel less lonely when you hear us," Shift admits.

"A-Although I think we could've waited until morning...?" Madoka still sounds skeptic.

It takes a good moment for the celebrant to fully grasp what 'the plan' is about. Reni blinks. Once. Twice. Since when, exactly, did they have this much time to spare? Didn't he leave them with a lot of urgent matters to keep their attention focused on?

"What about closing night? Have you all completed the preparations for that? And tickets! Have they sold out yet?" He had to hold himself back from shooting a dozen more questions in one breath.

"All fifty-six checklists done and gone, sir," Haruto reports. "I've already informed production of the precautions if in case anythingーlights, sounds, set, costumes, ticket selling evenーstrays away from what we originally planned."

"Readthroughs went flawlessly. We'll have a few more runs, from start to finish, early tomorrow morning," Madoka adds. "Well, later today, actually."

"My co-stars and I have Madoka's scripts memorized! Lines, entrances and exits, even adlibs, you name it!" Shift proudly says. "Haruto-san made sure to drill all that into our minds and hearts."

"There's nothing to worry about, Reni-san. We have everything under control," the trio says in unison.

Breathless. Reni couldn't believe his ears. Sure, he already knows these three are built off of a different caliber than the rest. But seeing such individual geniuses work so perfectly in-sync together is beyond anything he ever asked for; even beyond what he's ever done, he thinks. A dream turned absolute reality, if he may.

"So I basically lost my job at GOD-za," Reni ponders im awe.

A pause. He could've heard a pin drop if the three hadn't sternly, immediately objected with a loud and clear "NO!" in complete unison (again).

"I kid," Reni chuckles to himself. "Good work out there, everyone."

A sigh of relief, from both ends of the line. It seems so long ago, since GOD-za has felt this... peaceful. Secured. Fabulous.

"Isn't it about time you three tell me what you've been meaning to tell me? The main reason why you called."

"Oh, right." Shift urges his two seniors in his signature whispered-screaming voice. "On three, you guys!"

"Okay!" Madoka agrees in a quite forceful mumble of his own. 

"Hah?" Haruto seems to have lightly smacked his forehead with his palm in defeat. "Fine, fine. Here goes..."

One...

Two...

Threeー

"Happy birthday, Reni-san!"

"Heh. Thank you." Reni moves his free hand just above his heart. "I knew I could always count on you three.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have a meeting I must attend to."

"At this hour!?" Haruto shrieks.

Reni nods. "Indeed. Take note, Haruto. You'll be taking over my shoes, some day."

"U-Understood!" The pinkhead obediently complies.

"Please do rest immediately after, Kamikizaka-san," Madoka advices.

"Yeah! And we'll celebrate properly when you get back!" Shift declares.

"Alright, alright." Reni finally bids them farewell. "I have to go now. See you, then."

As the call ends, Reni puts his phone face down onto his lap. He allows his eyes the luxury to look outside once more, and there he notices, that the world does seem even prettier than before. 

Now, GOD-za's general director can rest assured, that the future is truly in good hands.

[softly-potter]

Still Friends | Chapter 9: A Christmas Moment

Summary: After a chance encounter at a party, Wanda and Bucky find they have more in common than they realized.

This fic is heavily inspired by 'Friends' by my lovely friend Poppy. She is aware of this fic and I've been given permission for this marvel-version retelling! If you haven't read her dramione fic 'Friends', I HIGHLY suggest it. I fell in love with the story and couldn't help but wonder, what if it was Wanda and Bucky instead of Hermione and Draco? Thus "Still Friends" was born. Enjoy!

Pairing: Bucky X Wanda

Word Count: 33,068

Warning: smut, drug use, depression

A/N: Find the rest of the chapters here; Chapter 1: Greetings | Chapter 2: Unloading | Chapter 3: Cherries | Chapter 4: Worth the Wait | Chapter 5: Books | Chapter 6: Grief | Chapter 7: Unlikely | Chapter 8: Happy Birthday, Solider | Chapter 10: The Best Holiday | Chapter 11: Permission | Chapter 12: Revitalize | Chapter 13: Backstabber | Chapter 14: Luck of the Dead | Chapter 15: Pain Reliever | Chapter 16: Apologize | Chapter 17: Specially Gifted | Chapter 18: New Day

-

December 23rd, 2027

What does one get a witch for Christmas?

Bucky hasn’t the faintest idea. He’d searched the internet, scrolling through pages of lotions and candles, window shopped on his way home from the gym. He even texted Client, the texting alone taking over half an hour, asking what the man normally got his wife.

CB: Laura doesn’t like flashy things, she prefers memories over items.

Bucky didn’t know what to make of that, so he didn’t respond.

Memories over items. Like photographs? Didn’t that still count as an item? Rebecca had always claimed to hate Christmas, but when the time came, she’d always gifted something impossibly thoughtful, like she’d peered into your brain and knew it was something you’d been hoping for.

Bucky wished he had that gift.

The few Christmases he had spent in the service had been mostly uneventful. No gift giving, sometimes a haphazard tree had been erected and the guys would gather around, drinking and cheering to the Christmas before.

During those years he’d always wished there was a girl he could send postcards to back home, a girl he could visit when he was on leave. But then he’d remember how dangerous his situations were, and how unfair that would be to any person, and he wasn’t a selfish person.

Christmas wasn’t even a thing when he was with Hydra.

Out of all his Christmas’, he never thought he’d be spending one with her; but she wants to. She’s already deciding on what she’s going to cook, for just the two of them, and she’s busying herself by writing down a list. Her handwriting is large, loopy, and she’s rushing, her excitement nearly palpable as she sits across from him at his dining table. His laptop obscures his view of her, scrolling hopelessly, his anxiety growing by each failed attempt at finding a gift she’d enjoyed.

“Do you like sweet potatoes?” She asks, head bent. “I've heard that's a typical American staple for Christmas dinner.”

“Don’t cook too much, lord knows you don’t eat a lot.” He chuckles. Her head shoots up, his only indications of that action is her red hair bouncing, lines etched on her upper forehead.

“Bucky Barnes,” she warned, but her tone was laced with joy. “I have never experienced an American holiday like this. Are you going to strip me of that possibility?”

He rolls his eyes at her dramatics, bringing his coffee mug to his lips. “I'll strip you of something else.”

She leans to the right, giving him a scrunched narrowed look to indicate she heard his raunchy remark. Pulling back to her position, she resumes writing.

“Just you wait, solider.” She mutters, and he surpasses a laugh. “This will be better than any Christmas your mother would have cooked for you.”

He huffs into the cup. “That’ll be easy to accomplish.”

Her pen scratching pauses, can hear her shuffling slightly. “I take it your family didn’t celebrate?”

Bucky flexes his fingers, places the cup down. He’s glad the laptop is obscuring her from view slightly.

He didn’t want to talk about this, he didn’t want to unbury the dead, especially to her. She already carried so much, she didn’t need his weight.

Wanda sits up, her face in view now, green eyes questioning, and he clenches his flesh hand. His nerves grow as the silence stretches on, and she’s patient, waiting for his response. Glancing up, he catches her expression, and he feels a knot grow in his throat. Lips raw, he’s biting down hard.

“Not really.” He replies eventually. Wanda seems to let out a breath. “My sister did, a little.”

Pushing the chair back, he stands from the table with cup in hand, leaving to the living room. She calls after him, but her voice is echoy, like she’s calling through water, and he sits gingerly on the couch, like he’s aching. Like he’s old.

His throat is tight and he wishes he’d died from that fall off the fucking train. It was a simple question for fucks sake, and he was unraveling. Its natural for people to want to know things about you, your family or your job. One mention of his semi-abusive mother and he’s having trouble focusing.

But its hurting. He can’t remember a time when Christmas was good, purely good, a time when Christmas meant just joy. No fighting, no gun powder, no narsocitic let downs.

Just joy.

And he wants it with her, badly, but only her. He wants to remove the edges of his mother and the war from christmas time, and repaint it with her cooking in his kitchen, wearing those dumb fuzzy socks she loves so much.

His jaw aches from clenching.

“Buck?” Her voice is soft, pleading, and he screws his eyes shut. Her hand is on his shoulder, pressing lightly. “Honey?”

She’d just recently started calling him that; it makes him feel warm. He quickly got used to it.

He reaches up, grips her hand from his skin and gently pulls it away. “I’m fine,” he mumbles, releasing his hold. “Just not a big mommas boy.”

Even the phrase sounds odd in his mouth.

Wanda inhales slowly, and then she’s shoving his crouching arms back, crawling into his lap, resting her backside on his left thigh. Cupping his face, she looks at him, and he blinks rapidly, hoping there’s no wetness there.

“That's ok,” she says, her breath ghosting over his face. “Conversation for another day yeah?”

“Yeah.” He responded, hoping that day would never come.

“Listen, I know it’s…hard,” she says, and he can tell she’s watching her words carefully. “to move on when there’s so much hurt surrounding certain days. But, if your mother took so much from you before, don’t let her continue.” She strokes the side of his face. “Don’t let her keep taking it away.”

He stares at her, teeth still picking at his lip. He’s lost for words, in awe of her yet again, and his heart is hammering within his ribcage.

“There's no one i'd rather spend the holidays with,” she whispers, smiling, and pecks his lips. He leans forward, trying to catch them again, but she backs away with a small laugh.

“I’m not a big Christmas fan,” he teases, pulling her back, holding her on him. He spreads his fingers over her back, pressing his digits into her skin, and inhales. “but I can be into anything if it's with you.”

And now he’s standing in the cold December air, a knitted hat snuggly warming his ears as his breath blows out and he searches for the perfect tree.

He’d never had a Christmas tree before, so a part of him was excited. The other part of him was irritated that he wasn’t snuggled in bed with her, feeling her smooth skin against his, and instead freezing his ass off for a tree that would eventually die.

Scouring the woods two hours away from his apartment and his girl is not how he had planned to spend the day before Christmas eve, but she had asked and therefore, he would do it. He searches for a while, peering between sticky pine needles at the base of trees, shaking them slightly to test their sturdiness. They’re all decent, full of color and tall, but none quite right.

Until there’s one.

It’s a dark, mossy color, its tip not just one end but a collection of sharply shaped branches that twist into one, and when he presses his metal hand to it, giving it pressure, it merely stands, not budging.

Bucky grins, switching the ax in his grip from one hand to the other, and when he begins the process of cutting it down, his brows sweating and back aching, he thinks of her.

It amazes him how strong she is, after all the heartbreak. Bucky can’t imagine, and he’s grateful. Grateful for her strength, grateful that something as stupid as christmas brings them closer. He wants to peel back her layers, learn everything about her, and as the months trudge on he’s been able to learn more and more, and he’s so grateful for her in his life he smiles as he chops.

They decided to have the tree in her apartment, an idea she came up with but he heartily agreed with. He didn’t want to deal with the fallen pine needles littering his floor and her apartment seemed so hollow soemtimes, it was no wonder she was nearly always at his. A tree might brighten the mood, make the space feel more homey for her, and he hopes she likes his pick.

The drive back to her apartment is quick, his excitement to see her making the time go faster. He still hadn’t decided on a gift for her, and wondered if he even needed a gift. Of course he needed a gift, but a gift didn’t have to be a material item, isn’t that what Clint said?

All thoughts of presents and christmas are discarded as he pulls into her apartment parking spaces, and is greeted with a dark, unmarked car parked in his guest space. Bucky swerves his car against the back end of the other vehical, jumping out before he can turn off his ignition.

Hes through the door, hand already gripping the knife he keeps in his boot, silently taking in the surrondings. She’s talking, her voice low, but it doesn’t sound distressed. Entering the kitchen quickly, he surveys.

“Calm down, James.”

Clint gives him an incredulous look. A teenage girl with dark hair pulled into a pony tail is beside him, her lip is cut and she’s got a bandaid across her brow. Her eyes are wide as she takes in Bucky with a knife.

“Oh my god you’re the Winter Soldier!” The girl squeaks, a hand raised to her mouth. Leaning against the sink with her arms crossed, Wanda looks from the girl to Bucky, and finally to Clint.

“This, is the girl?” Clint’s flabbergasted, and Bucky rolls his eyes, putting the knife back into its hoslister.

“Barton.” Bucky replies, as way of greeting. The girl sticks her hand out, a goofy smile stretching her features.

“I’m Kate, Kate Bishop,” she says happily. “I’m his partner.”

“Thought you didn’t do partners.” Bucky muttered, ignoring her hand. What was he doing here, bothering Wanda so close to the holidays? Didn’t he have a wife of his own to bother?

“I didn’t,” Clint replied. Kate lowered her hand in disappointment, her cheeks pink. “I wouldn’t even count Nat as a partner. This is my friend Kate, she’s coming with me to see the family for Christmas.”

“Great, fantastic,” Bucky huffed, crossing his arms. “What’re you doing here?”

Wanda seems to be shaken back to life, and she pushes herself off the sink, moving to stand beside him, and snakes her hand into his. His chest blooms.

“He was just leaving,” she says, tone icy. “Right, Clint?”

Clint raises a brow at her, but doesn’t object. He nods his head, and Kate follows him out the kitchen into the foyer. Bucky places a chaise kiss to her hairline. “Be right back, trees in the car and I may have blocked their room to reverse.” Wanda gives him a look, knowing full well why he did that, but there’s humor in her eyes and he winks.

After reversing his truck, Bucky watches as Clint puts their car in drive. He rolls down the window, sticking his head out and Bucky shoves his hands in his pockets. Clint stares for a moment, sucking the side of his cheek, and for once Kate looks quiet.

“Has she ever talked to you about Westview?”

But you’re trying to act like my husband and you aren’t. My husbands dead. Thanos killed him, and then SWORD took him, and I can never see him again.

“Sure.” He keeps his answer short, and while it’s not overly detailed, it is true.

“Did she tell you about what happened?” Clint presses, arm on the window rim. “Did she tell you about her kids?”

The air is suddenly very thin.

“Figured not.” Clint hums, then looks forward. “I would tread lightly with her. If she likes you, she’ll eventually tell you but…be patient. And be aware.”

Bucky wants to ask him what he means, and why he knows information about her that Bucky himself does not, but the marksman closes his window, speeding off into the winter air, snow flurries brushing up in his wake.

Inside, Wanda is pacing, the corner of her index finger nail lodged between her teeth, nipping at it. Bucky drags the tree inside, propping it against the wall. The air is thick with unknowing, and he stares at her as she stares at the floor.

“You wanna tell me what that was about?” His tone is harsher than he meant, cooler, and she fidgets.

“He’s just checking in, stopped by since I’m on the same route to his farm.” She looks up then, takes in the tree, then looks at him. “I think he’s taken over Steve's mantel of worrying about everyone.”

Bucky raises a brow. No, he had taken over Steve's mantel of worrying about her. Only her, the world could go fuck itself once again and as long as she was safe, he’d watch it.

“That's all?”

Her eyes find him, and he hardens his look. She’s nervous, throwing him another smile but he doesn’t waiver.

“Wanda.”

“I don't know what you want me to tell you.” She’s frustrated now, raking her hand through her hair. Takes a few steps, planting herself infront of him. “Please don’t let this ruin christmas.” The pleading in her voice is soft, fearful.

He needs to drop it. For the sake of Christmas, the sake of her sanity. She deserves a break, she deserves to enjoy the holidays.

So he does. They erect the tree together, hanging plastic shiny bulbs from the branches, Wanda wrapping a silky blanket around the ugly-colored base. She puts in premade cinnamon rolls to bake while they string the lights, turning on her radio and flipping it to the channel that plays strictly holiday music from December 1st to the 31st. The sugary smell wafts through the apartment, and they ice them together, devouring them as they watch the Christmas special of I Love Lucy.

They laugh at the bad comedy, kissing between sugary bites, and its wholesome, a simple bliss he’d never had the chance to claim for himself. It’s real happiness.

Cleaning the dishes, they wash their sticky hands and sweep the pine needles, getting momentarily distracted by each other's lips. He dumps the dust pan in the waste bin, watching as she puts away the dishes and she’s thoroughly happy. He’s happy she’s happy.

So when he kisses her goodnight, not staying over because he has an early round of training, he wonders why his heart isn’t settled.

“Thank you for today,” she whispers as she pulls away. “It was…fun.” He grins at her, hands loosely on her butt and he gives her a light squeeze. She pulls away with an eye roll, peeking through the crack in the door as she blows him a kiss.

Bucky tosses all night, before eventually making himself a cup of coffee at two in the morning, settling down in front of his desk top, and types Westview into the search bar.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #202

Last time you went on a rollercoaster: Never. At least, not a legit one, because I'm terrified of those. I've been on like, one kiddie one, but even that was as a kid.

Whose birthday is next, out of all the people you know? My younger sister's.

Would you eat a live cockroach if it made you a millionaire? A millionaire? Yes. I'd probably puke in the process but you'd bet your fuckin' ass I'm trying, being poor sucks.

Who do you think about most? Besides myself and what I have going on, Girt.

Do you have embarrassing parents? My dad can be.

Are you any good at writing? I think writing is probably my strongest talent. I don't feel as good as I once was, but I can at least acknowledge I'm above average at it.

What’s something that really matters to you? My mental health.

Do you prefer bar or liquid soap? Liquid, I hate bar soap.

Do you have high or low self esteem levels? Very low.

Do you like mint or orange flavored chocolate? I love mint chocolate! I've never tried orange.

How often do you get spots? Like, pimples? I will almost always get at least one blemish during my time of the month. Otherwise, they're very rare in my adulthood.

Do you prefer instrumental songs or ones with lyrics? Ones with lyrics, usually. But I'm perfectly capable of enjoying instrumental, too.

Do you carry a bag around with you often? What does it look like? Yes, it's a small white purse shaped like a ghost, with two black ovals for its eyes. It's a biiiit smaller than I'd prefer, but I mean, it came from Temu for a very low price, I'll take what it gave me.

Name one of your favorite memories. Early morning fishing trips with my dad as a kid, especially if he was taking us out on his little blue boat.

Have you ever had braces? Do you need them? I did as a pre-teen/teenager.

Are you a subscriber to any magazines? Which? No.

What is something you want but can’t afford to buy? I'd LIKE a 4x2x2x PVC tank for Venus. That would be her final, "perfect" enclosure.

Do you usually eat wheat bread or white bread, or are you gluten-free? Wheat.

Which lost friend do you most wish you could be friends with again? Megan. She lied about the bulk of her life for pity, but... our friendship was very important to me. I don't feel like she did it maliciously, she just... wanted someone to feel sorry for her and took advantage of being an online friend to do so, I could never truly see that she was lying.

Do you think you would be happier if you had more money? YES??????????? I know I would be, not just "think." No, money would never solve all of my problems, but be poor and THEN come back to me with "mOnEy DoEsN't BuY hApPInEsS!!!!!"

What is something currently on your wishlist from Etsy? lmao there's this shirt featuring cute-ass lil kittens with a pentagram in the middle and the text is "tax churches, hail satan" in like the Iron Maiden font and I am DYING for it

Is there a Target near you? Yeah, maybe like, 7-ish minutes away.

Which is closest to you: Target, Walmart, Kmart, or Meijer? Walmart.

Who do you go to when you’re lonely? Or what do you do when you’re lonely? My mom or Girt.

What do you dislike about the house you live in? It's in a cookie cutter neighborhood with absolutely zero charm or interest and I just hate it.

Have you ever been clubbing? Did you have fun? No. I can't imagine myself having fun.

Have you ever volunteered? Yes.

What holidays do you celebrate? Valentine's with my partner, I'm very serious about this year beginning a tradition of doing something for Earth Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas. On New Year's Eve Mom and I will normally have a drink, but that's the extent of it. For the 4th of July, last year we did hot dogs on the grill and s'mores, and I'd like to do that again, even though I don't really give a shit about Independence Day.

Do you have a best friend? How long have you known them? Yeah, my boyfriend. I've known him since my freshman year of high school, so like... since I was 15-ish.

How often do you take selfies? Very rarely.

What was your favorite way to spend a summer day as a kid? Swimming.

Do you have any uncommon interests or hobbies? Forum animal roleplay.

Have you ever drank so much that you passed out? No. I don't enjoy alcohol enough for that.

What is your favorite way to eat rice? (white, steamed, fried, brown, sweetened…) Fried.

What’s your favorite horror movie? The OG The Blair Witch Project.

Have you ever had to have a tooth cut out? My only two wisdom teeth that came in, yes.

What video games did you play when you were growing up? The OG Spyro trilogy, Crash Bandicoot, lots of games based on kid movies and TV shows, hunting games (I know), etc.

What pet names do you use for your friends/loved ones? "Hun," "love," "darlin," "sweetie," stuff like that.

What’s your favourite Disney movie? The Lion King.

Do you prefer regular or diet soft drinks? Diet sodas are a fucking travesty, I just can't

Have you ever met someone in person who you first met on the internet? Do you have plans to do that anytime soon? Yes. Tez and Mazzy are both 100% invited to my wedding, so hopefully one day I'll meet them both. I'd love to meet Shaz too, it'd be dope as hell if we both visited the KMP at the same time and met. There are other online buds that'd be cool to meet, but those are the three where I'm like, I REALLY would like to meet them.

Are you a fan of garlic bread? Bitch I am more than a FAN, I'd trade you my soul for some fuckin garlic bread lmao

Have you ever wanted to be vegetarian or vegan? Yeah; ideally I'd love to be vegan, and I had a vegetarian streak, but my extreme pickiness that I just can't shake makes surviving without meat (nevermind adding other animal products to that!) impossible for me. I'd be so malnourished.

What is your boss’s (or school principal’s) name? N/A

Do you like eggnog? No.

Do you know anyone with celiac disease? Yes, my aunt and her daughter both have it.

Are you and your best friend complete opposites? No, we're very similar.

If you were to write a novel, what would it be about? I'd probably pick a major RP plot to base it around.

Are you currently pretending to be someone’s friend? Dude I'm an adult, I'm not wasting time or energy on that bullshit. Even if I WASN'T an adult, I wouldn't.

Have you ever had a serious issue involving your eyes? Besides having very poor eyesight without my glasses, no. I have astigmatism, but I wouldn't call that a serious issue, it's very common.

Do you have sensitive teeth? Not so much anymore, I only did at the worst of my teeth neglect.

What are your views on our current president? I voted for the guy and I hate him lmao. I'd rather have him in office than Trump though, hence why he got my vote.

What is your biggest responsibility in your household? Clean the litterbox, feed Roman, feed and water Venus/maintain her terrarium.

Who did you last worry about and why? My boyfriend, because it took him longer to get to my house from his work than it normally does, and it was very windy outside. I wasn't like, SUPER worried, but the concern was still there. Turns out he stopped at a gas station.

When was the last time you ate/drank something gross just to be polite? I genuinely can't do this. I'll just use the excuse of not being hungry, because my face WILL say if I don't like something, and my gag reflex is immediate. If I try swallowing something I don't like, I'll involuntarily shudder, like it's super obvious.

Do you have a mouse for your laptop? (Assuming you have a laptop) Yes, I hate trackpads.

What was your high school mascot? A firebird.

What was your first job? Sales associate at GameStop.

Do you remember your first time? No because I haven't had it. I was abstinent through my first serious relationship and my boyfriend now has crippling performance anxiety + we live with our moms so conditions just haven't worked out.

Favourite home-cooked meal growing up? Spaghetti.

What is something you don’t have any natural talent for? Mathematics.

How do you feel about your body? I despise it. It humiliates me.

What are three things you like that are blue? Birds, the sky, sometimes water.

What is one sad song that you enjoy listening to? One of the saddest songs (imo) that I enjoy a whole lot is "Terrible Things" by Mayday Parade.

Do you like butterflies? Butterflies look like they should be mythical creatures, I adore butterflies.

Do you prefer to read fiction or non-fiction? I greatly prefer fiction. I read books to escape.

If you have a significant other, what is his/her name? It's actually Donald Jr., but I've always known him as Girt.

Have you ever had to use a wheelchair? Only for very short instances. When I had my asthma attack, I had to be wheeled inside because of how low my oxygen was; my body wasn't properly oxygenated at all and it was making walking almost impossible, it was the strangest feeling. I also recall when I did some terrible shit to my ankle, I was wheeled into I think urgent care.

Have you ever been pulled over by a cop? In my very brief period of driving, no.

What are three things you would change about your body if you could? I wish I was slim, had much lighter/less body hair, and clearer/less dry skin.

Who was the last person who gave you a hug? My boyfriend.

Have you ever questioned your gender? No. I'm very unattached to the concept and identity implications of gender so I'm just content with the sex I was born as.

What is your favorite thing to do in the snow? Wander around and take photos!

Have you ever swam in the ocean? Yes, I LOVE swimming in the ocean, for real.

What were three of your favorite things to do at recess as a kid? Dig tunnels in the sandbox, the swing, and playing Four Square on the basketball court.

What is one thing you’ve gotten for free on your birthday? Desserts at restaurants.

Have you ever been to Tennessee, USA? Yes, my brother lives there.

What are some things that fascinate you? Animal behavior, caves, outer space, stuff like cryptids and conspiracy theories, etc.

What did you last remember dreaming about? I actually had a tornado nightmare last night.

What did you last watch on TV? Cunk on Earth with Girt.

What is one of your toxic traits? I can take things very personally.

Have you ever found a skeleton while outside? I've found animal remains, yeah, not like, a human skeleton lmao

[pop-punklouis]

Hi Hope!

Happy happy birthday!! IDK if it's still your birthday, bc it is in my timezone and that's all I think I'm right on, but still. I'm a little sick so I only got round to this now 😭 I hope you have/had a wonderful day and I hope the year ahead brings you the bestest things and everything you can dream of 💞 and I definitely hope you find time to relax not just in this holiday season but throughout the upcoming year.

Re: shows. I see your point, and I do think it was kinda random that suddenly everything in the upside down is connected to ONE villain and it's a little complicated trying to make that connection. But I also kinda liked finding that out and spiraling over it what can I say I'm easy to please 😩 HOWEVER I think they could've done more with the mind flayer and esp the connection to Will like he deserves his moment I hate how they kinda just dropped it and I'm begging next season to revisit it. Season 2 was TOP TIER sigh.

Re: degree. As Louis said, faith in the future, y'know? I'm sure things will fall into place for you even though the uncertainty can be very scary. I FEEL you with the aspiring to me a mountain mama thing pls I keep saying I wanna disappear to like a remote island or something and live in peace 😩

Nooo that sounds so chaotic rip I hope your gifts are arriving in time etc some of my stuff is yet to come and I've just accepted my fate 💀 and we have a fake tree, we bought a gorgeous new one this time, chucked the old one. Never had a real tree :( so wouldn't know what it's like but it sucks that you couldn't get a real one this time especially when you're used to having one always :(

Re: color palette. Are you me?? Those are deadass the colors I'd pick for me too. I love earthy tones, I love all shades of green, and mauve, maroons. But also love muted shades, like pastels but with that grey tinge so it's even duller idk it's very calming to me.

Question for the day: who would you say inspires you?

Hope you have a wonderful day/night love ♥️

~🌱

HELLO BABE so sorry i’m late answering this rip it’s been….. so hectic the past few days 💀 but i’m finally free so!

thank you for the birthday wishes means a lot hope youve been well! does it get cold where you live? it’s freezing here in georgia. the coldest it’s been in years like 9 degrees or something and we’re all just bundled up on the couch watching christmas movies lol

re: shows: PLEASE season 2 will always have my heart and i’m hoping they give will the main character energy he so rightfully deserves in the final season and end with him conquering the upside down as a full circle thing 👐🏼

and oooo that sounds nice. i’ve gotten used to our fake tree and the lights that came with it have a remote where you can change them and it’s nice and soft to just sit and watch ✨ are you doing anything tomorrow for christmas with your family? we’re having a dinner but otherwise it’s going to be pretty relaxed. might get waffle house for breakfast with my dad per tradition!

re: color palettes: pls it just means we have taste 💅��� the best color palettes to gravitate towards if i must say so myself 👐🏼 and ooo the grey with the pastels does feel more calming i agree

hmm what inspires me? i think my younger self. little me. she is what has driven my choices and behavior and just how i live life the past few years. i live for her. how about you? 💕

with it being officially midnight here: hope you have a very happy and warm christmas love u holiday pal!!! 💋

[writerkatsblog]

We have to take a picture of this moment! + The four monks? (By the way, that photo of his friends Omi keeps in his room is so adorable. I've always assumed that Dojo took it and made copies for him, since Dojo hangs up an identical one in his little cage. He seems sentimental like that.)

“Happy Birthday, Omi!” The three monks cheered aloud, standing around their smaller friend. In front of him on the table, a small pile of gifts stacked up on the left, and a big white cake edged with bright yellow frosting on the right.

“My friends, I am most grateful for the birthday well wishes.” Omi looked at each of them, faces aglow with happiness. “But the fanfare was not necessary. Master Fung and the monks have been planning a small celebration for the winter solstice as it happens every year. You did not need to go through the trouble.”

“Well of course we didn’t have to, Omi,” Kimiko smiled. “But we wanted to.”

“Yeah, dude. Having a birthday on a holiday sucks. I should know, one of my cousins has his birthday on Christmas, so that was always fun for him.” Raimundo patted Omi on the head. “So I think the least we can do is let you have a birthday party outside of that.”

“ ‘Sides that, we already went n made the cake and wrapped the gifts. Even if we don’t do this every year, may as well enjoy this time, right?” Clay asked.

“ Well... I suppose when you put it like that, there is no reason not to enjoy an extra celebration of the day of my birth, correct?” Omi said chipperly. “I am ready to begin the partying hardying!”

“It’s... Know what?  I’m gonna let you have that one today,” Raimundo shrugged. “Enjoy, buddy.”

“Aww, my little baby’s first birthday with friends,” Dojo smiled, wiping a tear from his eye. “Oh! Oh! We have to take a picture of this moment!” He whipped a camera out from seemingly nowhere, motioning wildly with his hands. “Gather round the almost birthday boy, kids! Put on those big smiles! Alright, good! Now on three. One... Two... Three... Say ‘tagyuan’!”

“Tagyuan!”

[hollanderfangirl]

Nothing lasts forever |Harry Holland|

A/N: K, I wrote this for you. @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh congratulations on 1k!!! I wrote this through a writer's block so yeah not my best work

Warnings: angst, mentions of divorce, Harry being a dick

Word count: 3k

They say love conquers all. But it’s not that simple, is it? You meet, you fall in love, you think that love is enough and when things start to go downhill, you realise that it isn’t, after all. It’s the effort, time, circumstances, along with hundreds of other things. You make promises of being together forever but nothing lasts forever. Nothing. And when the promises break? You get your heart broken. But a heart that’s broken is a heart that’s been loved. How can something so perfect, something that brought you so much happiness, something you thought would be yours forever, go so wrong?

When you and Harry got married, everyone knew you were one of those couples who make you believe in ‘together forever’. You had met when you were teenagers and neither of you thought the relationship would last even six months. But there you were, seven years later, having the most extravagant wedding, vowing to never leave each other’s side and to support one another through it all.

The first two years of marriage was a honeymoon period, you both were having the best time of your lives, going on dates often, cooking together, falling asleep next to each other, you wondered how you even got so lucky. You joined him on most of his trips, you both travelled across the beautiful cities of Europe and America together and nothing else really mattered. You loved him more than anything in the world, and he loved you, what else did you need?

When your work was piling up, you knew that you had to go back, although neither of you wanted to leave each other. He was away from you more often, working on sets and filming his own movies, but you were quite used to it to say the least. Spending away nights of frustrations all alone, with no one there for you. But you didn’t complain, you could never do that. You could never stand in the way of Harry and his career.

Two years later, on Christmas Day, you held your daughter in your arms, a healthy and beautiful baby. You and Harry had never been more happy and overwhelmed.

“So what should we name her?” he asked you while gently rocking her to sleep.

“Noelle,” you smiled. “She really decided to make Christmas even more special”

Over the years, you were so proud of your little family, you would often look at Noelle and Harry, playing or reading together and the ‘father-daughter bonding time’ as Harry liked to call it. She was more fond of Harry than you, and that was why it was even harder for her than it was for you. You regretted it so many times, you didn’t want to give it all up, to give him up. But it was becoming so difficult, taking care of a small child all on your own, along with Harry acting like a child himself. It was far too much responsibility than you could handle. You loved him, you really did, but love is never enough.

Now you were cooking in the kitchen with Noelle sitting on the counter, reciting her lessons from school.

“But mommy! We have holidays coming up now!”

“Yes and you will have all the time to play and enjoy, ok?”

“And there’s something else too,” she giggled.

“Oh is it?” you pretend to think.

“Yes! It’s my birthday”

“That’s right, you’ll spend your birthday with grandma and grandpa and your uncles”

“Will daddy be there?”

“Hopefully yeah,” you sigh.

“Will you be there?”

“Of course, sweetie. Mommy would never miss your birthday party,” you pinch her cheeks.

“Why don’t you and daddy ever want to meet?” she speaks up after a minute.

“Baby… daddy and I…” you honestly didn’t know how to phrase it. “We just kind of don’t… talk anymore, you know?”

“Like Tina and me?”

“Yes, exactly like you and Tina”

“But you told me that I should not be angry at her and we should become friends again”

“That is for you, the thing between me and daddy is much more complicated”

“What does complicated mean?”

You chuckle, the questions never end.

You step out of the car into the bitter cold December wind in front of the Holland household. It had been a while since it had snowed this heavy, and you were worried if you would be able to drive in this weather.

“Here you go,” you say as you hand over Noelle to Sam.

“Gosh it’s so cold today, what are you even going to do?” he asks you.

“Go back to the office I don't really have anywhere to be”

“You're gonna work through Christmas? Take some time off, why don’t you stay with us?”

“Sam no-”

“Come on, y/n. How long will you keep avoiding him this way?”

“I- ”

“And what about Noelle’s birthday?”

“I’ll come and visit for a few hours on 25th”

“Y/n, this will always be your home too, with or without Harry. We would love to have you over for Christmas”

“Mommy please, I’m feeling cold out here,” Noelle says reaching out her tiny hands out to you from Sam’s arms.

“Okay fine,” you laugh.

As you get inside the house, Noelle jumps off from Sam and starts running into the house.

“Daddy!”

“Oh my little princess I’ve missed you!” you see Harry run from the living room, picking up Noelle and kissing her forehead. “How have you been? Have you been good? Otherwise who’s gonna get all the gifts?” he pretended to say in a childlike voice.

Your heart warmed up at the sight, your lips curling into a smile. It had been so long since you had seen the two of them reunited like this. Everytime you went to drop Noelle off at Harry’s house, you just waved from the car, not even caring about what happened afterwards.

He seemed a little surprised to see you there and you weren’t sure if it was a good surprise or not.

“Y/n… hi”

“Hey Harry”

“You um changed your hair”

“And you’re wearing the same old sweater”

“No this is a new sweater it’s uh-” he says trying not to continue with an awkward silence. “It’s the old sweater,” he shrugs, making you smile

"Y/n! What a surprise," Nikki calls you from the living room. "It's so nice to have you here over Christmas, everyone misses you so much"

You walk over to meet everyone as Noelle calls Sam to the side.

"Hmm what's up?" he asks the little girl.

"I know how mum and daddy can talk"

He lets out a laugh. "What? And why's that?"

"Mommy said that she and daddy don't talk anymore and that's the only problem. We just have to find a way for them to talk and become friends again"

"What's your plan, genius?"

And then she told him.

After dinner that night, you were sitting on the front porch with Sam. He was your friend, someone who you could always turn to. All of Harry's family was like that. When you both got divorced, you thought you would lose contact with the Hollands, you didn't want to lose them too because they were just like your own family but the bond didn't change, Sam helped you get through it, just like he helped Harry and he was the one who had tried to resolve things between you both.

"I still don't understand. You both were doing just fine, better than fine. All of you were so happy, what even happened?"

"Sam… Harry and I haven't even talked about what went wrong between us. Everytime we tried to talk, something came in between"

"Then talk now, you have plenty of time"

"How does it even matter now?"

"It does. I've seen how miserable you two are, you don't even want to see each other. I know you both still have something"

"We have Noelle," you say as a matter of factly.

"You know what I mean. You both love each other"

"See that's the thing with love. Love doesn't help me take care of a four year old all on my own, Sam. She misses him so much. She just keeps asking me when she'll get to see her father. He never made time for us"

"I know he's been a kind of a jerk"

You raise an eyebrow at him.

"Okay a big jerk, but he cares about you and Noelle. I'm not asking you to get back together but at least talk and resolve whatever beef you both have"

"We can't"

"Why?"

"It's just… I don't even know"

There was a long silence. If it was summer, you would have been hearing the crickets chirping but at this hour of a cold winter night, all you could hear was the faint distant noise of the faraway traffic.

"How about this, you both go out tomorrow, just for an hour or two, hang out, talk, just say whatever you had been holding in all this time"

"You're setting us up on a date?"

"Not a date. You both just need to talk, right? So you just need some alone time"

"Has Harry agreed to this?"

"He definitely would"

"No, it'll be too much. And what about Noelle?"

"What about her? We're all here to take care of her. You just go and talk this over"

You lay awake at night thinking about the happy times you had with Harry. How did things go so so wrong?

Two years earlier

"Harry, the opening ceremony is on Friday, it's huge for the company!"

"Yes I know, love. I really wish I could make it"

"What… do you mean?"

"I'll be leaving for Atlanta two days from now"

"But it's important to me and everyone will be asking for you"

"I'm so sorry, baby but I have to go"

"You've done a great job, y/n. Where's Harry? I'd love to meet him," your manager asks you at the after party of the opening ceremony.

"He couldn't make it tonight. He really wanted to be here"

"Where's your husband, miss y/l/n? This is such a big day for you!" another one of your colleagues asked you later that night.

"He's really disappointed he couldn't be here but duty calls," you tried to hide your loneliness and sadness through a smile.

"Y/n! I haven't seen Harry tonight…"

"How's the movie coming up?" you were talking to Harry at 2 in the morning, time zones were driving the both of you crazy.

"It's going great! The location is amazing, I think we could shoot the whole film here. I just wish you were here I miss you so much"

"I miss you too, just come back home," listening to his voice seemed to make you even lonelier.

"I will," you hear music playing in the background and the noise of people cheering and talking.

"What's happening there?"

"Ah they're throwing a party in my honour, it's been such a success-" you heard a woman laugh right beside him.

"So are you having a good time?"

"Yes I am I just-"

"Then you should go back to it. Bye"

"But y/n-"

You were still working when he came back from the airport and you immediately rushed home after you were free.

When you saw him, you felt as though you were seeing a stranger. He looked different and he felt different and he looked tired than ever. Nevertheless you jumped on him and hugged him tight, making sure he was real.

"Oh god I've missed you, more than you could ever know," he stroked your hair and kissed your forehead.

"Really? Then show me how much you've missed me," you say as you lead him into your shared bedroom.

"I'm so sorry I missed your opening, darling I really wanted to be there"

"It's alright, we have another celebration next month, you can meet everyone there"

"Oh I can't make it to that either, I have to get away again after three weeks"

"But you just came back! And Noelle is just two years old, how do you expect me to take care of her and go to work?"

"There's nothing I can do, y/n. The contracts have already been signed. This is my big break, it's important to me"

"And our marriage is not? Your daughter is not?"

"You both are the most important to me," he put his calloused hands on your cheeks. "But you knew this was what our life would be when you married me"

"Everything has changed since then, Harry. We have a child now and we're so happy here. Why do you have to go away halfway across the world for months"

"Nothing has changed. I still love you the same and our careers are still as important to us as before"

"You could have at least talked to me about this"

"Yes I'm sorry. Everything will be alright once I return, I just have to go now"

Harry couldn't focus on work that day. He just kept replaying the conversation he had with you before leaving.

'I can't lose her. I really can't," he thought. 'Oh my god I love her, I love her so much. We have to find a way to make this work'

And ten thousand miles away from him, you sat all alone on the bed, thinking, 'this will not work, we're so happy, why does he want to give all of this up?'

"We're not teenagers anymore, y/n. Now I want something and you want something else, our worlds are different"

"So we just let it go?"

"I'm not saying that we have to let anything go, but it's my career, y/n. For the first time in my life, things have finally started to move and I don't want to lose anything"

"Harry… I have always supported your career. I have always supported your dreams. But you can have everything you want right here with me and Noelle. You don't have to leave"

"You're not even trying to understand"

"I'm understanding everything. I can't do this anymore, I'm not another one of your fans, Harry. I can't just keep on chasing you like this"

"Ice skating? Really?" you say as you see the long sheet of ice that lay on the ground in front of you, there were only a few people as it was a cold day. Everyone was probably snuggled up in bed with some warm coffee rather than going out on a date with their ex husband.

"We can go somewhere else if you want, there's a restaurant-"

"No this is fine. After all Noelle chose it"

He helps you put on your skates and you both hold each other, trying not to lose balance until you reach the ice rink.

"Ah that's it," he lets go of your arm but still holds your hand in his.

"Wait what did you mean Noelle chose it?"

"You don't know your daughter, Mr Holland. She's grown up to be quite the matchmaker," you laugh.

"You remember how we used to come here?" you smile at the memories, you and Harry used to go ice skating almost every week in winters. Although neither of you were the best at it, you loved the times you spent falling and laughing and later on having hot chocolate in each other's arms.

"Yeah," he tries to hold your other hand as well. "You remember the Christmas Noelle was born? I miss taking her out ice skating"

"Of course I remember," you sigh. "Eighteen hours of labor, and I was alone. You couldn't even make it in time for the birth of your own daughter"

"She was supposed to be born in January, how could I have known she would come in so early?"

"Well you always have the excuses ready, don't you?"

"It's not an excuse, it's more of an explanation. The flights were all booked, I mean it was Christmas! And I did reach the hospital in time"

"You reached the hospital when she was all cleaned up and in my arms"

He stays silent for a few moments and then speaks, with a gentler tone. "Y/n I'm sorry, I really am"

"You always said that, yet you never did anything to understand what went wrong"

"I was just so caught up in my life, I mean… there was so much work. I know I didn't spend much time with you both and-"

"It wasn't even about spending time, Harry. The thing is, you were never there for us. When I needed you the most, you weren't there. Even your brother understood that I needed someone but you didn't. You're just so-" you choked on the words.

"I know, and all I can say is that I've messed up, big time. I know you can't forgive me"

"Oh I've forgiven you a long time ago, Harry"

His hair was all messed up from the wind, going wild in all directions like a crown on his head. His nose and cheeks were turning red from the cold and all you wanted in that moment, was just kiss him. You wanted to feel his cold lips on yours until they turned warm. You wanted to hold his hair in your fingers, you wanted to touch him, you wanted to feel him. You wanted everything you once had. You wanted him back.

"I remember everything about you, you know?" he spoke up. "How can I ever forget? I remember how much you loved reading and how you hated it when I left my clothes on the floor. And how you keep your socks on during sex"

"You just had to bring that up" you roll your eyes and laugh.

"The thing is, I love you. I always have, even now when we're.... over, I still love you. I never got over you"

"Harry-"

"Y/n, what we had, it was something else. You're… the only woman I've actually ever loved in my life"

"And you're the only one who I've loved in my life. But we can't go back now"

"Why? Why can't we give it another chance? Give us another chance?"

"It didn't work the first time, why do you think it'll work now?"

"I don't. But I'm miserable without you and we're different now. I've lost you once and I'll never make you feel like I'm busy for you, ever again"

"Are you sure? I'm tired, Harry. I'm so tired, I really cannot go through this if everything goes wrong again"

"It won't. I promise you, let's give us another chance, please?"

You looked into his eyes and you knew the answer.

*･ﾟﾟ･*:｡:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　　

🌻

Taglist

@mischiefmanaged011 @notsosmexy @drie-the-derp @justanothermarvelmaniac @amorhollands @thisetaernallove @calltothewild @fancyxparker @peterspideysstuff @musicalkeys @theliterarymess @hollands-weasley @tommysparker @god-knows-what-am-i-doing @parkerpeter24 @more-like-reyna @hollandbroz-n-haz @aqiise @sarcasticallywitty15 @spiderrrling @theonly1outof-a-billion

[inactivespnblog]

Supernatural 15x14 (Last Holiday) Thoughts

Ugh they really wanted to hit me with that "please forgive me" scene in the recap huh

This was just really funny to me, especially the way Sam says "it was in the 50s." Like the sass.

Please tell me they aren't going to use jack being in his room as an excuse to not really have him in the episode! I need to see him

Don't have to kill Amara too if Jack becomes new god, I'm just saying.

"Then we do what we gotta do" aw you gonna kill your girlfriend dean? (I just had to say that because that was the dumbest storyline)

"Dude, we fought the devil, I've killed Hitler, I think we can handle a few pipes" and sam's face after he says that is highly doubtful

Dean just pressing the button while Sam tries to tell him not to really just describes the whole show doesn't it?

Of course Dean would have Scooby doo boxers, like is anyone surprised?

"Language!" "That's it, I'm getting my gun" of course that would be his reaction

"But they were my boys. My family" "well that's very progressive" what is that even supposed to mean dean?

The sad look on her face when Dean says she can leave. I feel bad for her!

A mood

Abaddon did not actually kill all of the men of letters though? Sam and dean killed a bunch of them, though they were the british men of letters and not the ones she considers family. i don't know, just interesting to me.

Oh she's crying i feel so bad for her.

"What about jack?" love sam caring about his son

When jack showed up on screen, I literally squeeled his name and I just want you all to know how excited it made me.

He looks so sad dont hurt me like this

"She's making cookies, snickerdoodles. so if you want some..." i love how that's the first time Jack really looks at the door. Food is the only thing that can get this boys attention, huh? But then he just goes back to looking sad and it hurts me so much! Let this boy be happy!!!

"Do you think it's a good idea having her around?" "I mean we do have the son of satan living down the hall." true true but also dean, you were pretty hesitant about that.

Wow, they're becoming self aware. Who knew they were capable? But also, that's a bit hypocritical of you there Sam. Still love you though.

"Feels like Jack is hiding something." Please make that not true. i just want them to have a good relationship and be happy.

I love her so much for caring about Jack and trying to make him happy and making him a sandwhich like give Jack support please he needs it.

Okay but like those vampires weren't shown doing anything evil before sam and dean walked in so how do we know they were actually evil??? I'm not sure that not investigating is a good thing since it could lead to killing monsters that aren't actually doing anything wrong??? like are we going back to the early season mentality of just killing first? because i'm not a fan

Oh, she's doing christmas i love her. The decorations are so pretty

"Merry christmas!" Okay I never want this lady to go away. I'm sure it'll go bad and she'll be gone but i really do not want that. Her little dancing is great

"We are so keeping her" apparently neither does dean

Dean looks so happy and he's being so tolerable in this episode. I am shocked and confused

Just Sam's face, my god.

"Enjoy the world you're fighting for" someone needed so say it

Jack walks in and I get all excited and happy again, but ms. wood nympth seems to disagree by the tone of "this is jack?" please no but also his adorable wave makes me so happy. he's such a baby

"What are you?" Depressed, now leave him alone

"He's a millennial. Don't let that throw you. He's a good kid" i mean i still dont like dean but i love the supporting jack in this episode!!! But also jack is not a millennial? he's three years old. He was born in like 2017???

I love jacks smile when she gives him a smoothie but also am I the only one worried that the smoothies are poisoned? Like the writers don't let this child catch a break and with the way she was acting before I wouldn't be surprised.

Their faces when she tells Dean he can't have a smoothie and gives him tomato juice!!! I love it! Especially Sam and Jack's reactions

Why are sam and deans rooms so far apart? I mean like good for sam but why?

"Should i come or?" I love him he's so cute

How happy he is when he drinks his smoothie makes me so happy

Man she's gonna hurt jack isn't she? Please no.

"The only family I've ever really had is Sam, Dean, Cas, and... Mary" "Mary?" aw he looks sad again. poor baby

"Mary was Sam and Dean's mom and my um... she was a good friend." Wouldn't it have been great if he said grandmother? Also why didnt she asks about Cas?

"She sounds lovely. "She was but um i killed her." "Oh" lmao i can't just out of context that's just hilarious

"We all do things we regret, but life gives us second chances, and it is our obligation to hold onto them." Please don't let her hurt Jack! This is such a cute relationship so far. Let them be friends please I am begging. Jack needs more people to care about him

"Would you like another smoothie?" jack's fucking smile. I love him so much.

Jack looks so happy in this montage with his family!! Please spn i am begging you not to ruin this

Jack's halloween shirt is so cute! And I love that they're carving pumpkins! I wish Jack could have a Halloween where he went out and got to trick or treat with his dad's though.

I love sam smiling over at jack being happy but also don't let your three year old drink alcohol Sam like use some common sense dude

Sam has thor's hammer! I'm in love with this episode

I love that they had a birthday party for Sam! And Jack's adorable clapping makes me so happy!!!

To be continued with reblogs because Tumblr won't let me have more gifs.

[neverbeforeandneversince]

hi again!!!! i just checked your message for me this morning - i did send an ask in on tuesday but it seems that tumblr ate it up :((( i'm so sorry about that!!! i'll send it again since i type it out on another platform before copying + pasting here haha. please don't apologise for tumblr's mistakes!! it happens to everyone. i'll just send two from now on (just in case) and u can delete the other if u see it ♡

it's totally ok btw!!! take all the time u need. i've been so lax with replying to my own secret santa just because this month has been so hectic 😭 so don't worry about it!!!! ENJOY GIFFING WITH THE UPSCALED VERSIONS BFF, THEY'RE SO FUN!! i never asked what your favorite music video from the older music videos are so - what are they?

i did finally catch up with friends on thursday!! it's been 3 months since i saw them so it was very emotional and fun, feels like no time passed between everything 🥺 we did christmas shopping yes!! i bought them things they don't even know they're the recipients for haha. what are you thinking for your parents now that you know what you're getting?

that's so cool!! i love rings too omg. i want to get more into astrology to understand the placements of crystals and dw, it's not weird!! it sounds like a lot of fun :D those all sound like wonderful christmas gifts, i hope someone close to you gets them for you love!! u deserve it 💚❤️ when's your birthday?

ahhh i see!!! i know it by dirty santa haha. that sounds like so much fun, and that gift seems so funny JSJSJ 🤣. i'm glad you had fun!! r u having a little more time off now that christmas is closer? also, if i'm correct everyone brings a gift and you all swap it, right? what did you get for everyone?

my weekend was fine, and my week was great too!! 😊 that sounds like a lovely sunday <3 how was your week bestie?? did u do anything special :D

again, so sorry tumblr swallowed the ask!! i'll send this again one more time, in case. thanks for letting me know it did happen, you're amazing 🥰

- ☃

hiiii 🤶🏼🎄 I’m sorry for just now responding! it’s been so busy. But I got to see my dad today which was really nice. We had lunch together!

you know… I’m glad you said that. One one hand I love the cozy feel of holidays, but on the other… it’s so hectic! like personally work gets crazy until just a few days prior to Christmas. and by that time, it’s hard to enjoy the season. ugh I wish it want that way.

As far as older Taylor music video, they’re some of my favorites! Like tim McGraw, our song, WANEGBT, and Love Story come to mind for sure! How about you?!

ahhh I’m so happy you got to catch up with friends. That’s amazing! aww they’re going to be so happy to open their gifts 🎁

you are right about the dirty Santa game! Lol I got people a set of bamboo utensils, chopsticks, and a straw and straw cleaner! 😂 surprisingly it was highly liked!

my bday is June 14th! how about yours?!

I think I’m done Christmas shopping except I’m still struggling for my dad. but I know he would be happy if I just spent time with him and didn’t get him anything else.

also omg you’re totally fine ❤️❤️ I just wanted you to know I was not ignoring you!!

[softly-potter]

Still Friends | Chapter 15: Pain Reliever

Summary: After a chance encounter at a party, Wanda and Bucky find they have more in common than they realized.

This fic is heavily inspired by 'Friends' by my lovely friend Poppy. She is aware of this fic and I've been given permission for this marvel-version retelling! If you haven't read her dramione fic 'Friends', I HIGHLY suggest it. I fell in love with the story and couldn't help but wonder, what if it was Wanda and Bucky instead of Hermione and Draco? Thus "Still Friends" was born. Enjoy!

Pairing: Bucky X Wanda

Word Count: 33,068

Warning: smut, drug use, depression

A/N: Find the rest of the chapters here; Chapter 1: Greetings | Chapter 2: Unloading | Chapter 3: Cherries | Chapter 4: Worth the Wait | Chapter 5: Books | Chapter 6: Grief | Chapter 7: Unlikely | Chapter 8: Happy Birthday, Solider | Chapter 9: A Christmas Moment | Chapter 10: The Best Holiday | Chapter 11: Permission | Chapter 12: Revitalize | Chapter 13: Backstabber | Chapter 14: Luck of the Dead| Chapter 16: Apologize | Chapter 17: Specially Gifted | Chapter 18: New Day

-

March 10th, 2028

He’s lost count of how many days have passed since he found out. Clint and Laura keep ticking off dates on a calendar they taped to his fridge, but he doesn’t look at it. Can’t be bothered to.

Many of those days he’s spent curled on his couch. It’s his makeshift bed, his makeshift table, his makeshift solace, because he cannot be in the places where all those beautiful moments had been born.

The Bartons try their best to help him, taking turns to stop by his apartment, bring him food, and encourage him to shower. He barely acknowledges them when they enter; he half wonders how they have a key.

“The door was locked.” Bucky grunts, not moving from his spot on the couch. Laura was in the middle of sweeping the panel flooring when she paused, clearing her throat.

“She offered hers,” she says, quickly adding. “after she asked how you were doing.”

How was he doing? Not that it was any of Wanda's business, not anymore.

Bucky realizes he is being absolutely pathetic, hiding himself away like a child. He hates how he’s acting, wishes he could change it but he can’t help how his body reacts to this change.

Make it stop. Please.

March 28th, 2028

Working out has always been a place he can lose himself, and he finds he does it more and more. His workouts last nearly four hours now, but when a persons day starts at three in the morning, finishing his makeshift routine at seven am doesn’t really eat much of his time.

He’s grateful for the emptiness the early morning provides. Headphones blasting, he rides his bike to the gym, doesn’t bother to turn the headlight on. Not like anyones awake anyways.

It’s still chilly, and it only intensifies the loneliness. His apartment has become suffocating, he can’t stand to be in it. He finally convinced Clint he didn’t need round-the-clock care, so their visits had dropped to once a week; but now, the silence was choking him.

Kick stand up, he hauls his duffle onto his back, shuffling inside the SWORD operated gym. There’s low music playing, and a singular person is in the gym, mid-squat; aside from the lone squatter, it's deserted.

Bucky drops his duffle, wipes at his eyes as he stretches. He hadn’t realized he’d been crying; that seemed to be a common occurrence noweredays. Bending, his fingers scratch the ends of his toes. His headphones are nearly vibrating; they're so loud, and soon he loses himself in the movement.

Working out is easy; you push or pull weight, move your ligaments and joints until they nearly collapse under the pressure, and keep even, keep based. Working out can’t hurt your head. Your brain can’t hurt as your leg muscles scream.

He doesn’t realize he’s being spoken to until a hand smacks his shoulder. He drops his dumbbells, whirling around as he pulls his headphones off.

“You snapped too, right?”

He’s taken aback by the stranger's question. She’s large, for a woman; her black hair is tied high on her head, large thighs constricted in dark leggings. There are silver bands on her wrists, and her eyes are trained on him.

“Uh,” Bucky replies, still breathing hard. Who interrupts a man in the middle of his set?

“You don’t know me, I’m Sif.” She says, hands on hips. “I think…you’re Steve Rogers bitch right?”

Her terminology throws him. “And you are?”

She laughs, her arms dropping. “Guess you could say I’m Thor’s bitch. Or I was.”

Bucky stabs the inside of his cheek with his tongue. “You’re from Asgard?”

“Yep,” Sif nods, back peddling her legs to her rack. “I’m stuck here now. Wanna workout tomorrow?”

Bucky isn’t sure why he says yes.

They settle into an odd routine; meeting at ungodly times in the morning, pushing their bodies to the physical limit for a few hours and barely speaking to one another. He enjoys it, the companionship is not a terrible thing. It keeps his mind busy for a few hours at least.

When Sif doesn’t show up one morning, he hates to say he’s a bit disappointed. He could’ve really used her for his set. He makes due, wondering halfheartedly what color t-shirt Wanda was currently sleeping in. He stretches, arms high in the air, before dropping his limbs to his toes, and repeating. It’s easy, it’s grounding, and he momentarily forgets the color of her eyes.

The next morning, Sif is there before him, running on the treadmill. She’s sweating, most of her hair falling from its band and he drops his bag beside her machine.

“Overslept yesterday?” He asks, crossing his arm over his chest to warm up. She doesn’t answer, instead speeds up the machine, arms swinging as she runs. Bucky shrugs; they aren’t friends. She doesn’t owe him a conversation.

He begins his ritual. His heart is hammering, and for once it’s not from hurt. His limbs ache as he commits to his shoulder press, his metal arm whining in resistance. Reaching the top, he gives out, dropping the weights. They come slamming down, knocking his headphones from his ears. The device shatters, hitting the floor with a crunch and Bucky swears. The sound of the treadmill is still vibrating, and he glances at the rows of machines.

Sifs face is bright red as she runs, and she’s gasping, pressing the button faster and faster. Looking down at his broken headphones, Bucky swears again, kneeling down to glare at them. Work out officially ruined.

The sound of skin hitting rubber rings through the gym, a thump echoing, and Bucky stands straight, peering around. Sif is no longer on the treadmill, she’s sprawled next to it.

“You alright?” Bucky asks, striding to her and kneeling. Her eyes are closed, red cheeks puffing out.

“Lost my damn footing.” She huffs, hand pressed to her forehead. Bucky stands, holding a hand out to her. Sif looks at it in annoyance, but takes it, and as he pulls her up she wobbles, falling back to the floor.

“Fuck!” She shouts, resting her elbows on her knees. Bucky kneels back down so they’re eye level, looking at her. She glares, nostrils flared. “What’re you staring at?”

He stares harder, not able to put his finger on it. Sif blinks once, twice.

Aha.

“You fell because you’re drunk.” He gives her an incredulous look. Sif narrows her eyes.

“What's it to you.”

“Nothing,” he says, rolling his eyes. “Just stating the fucking obvious.”

“You gotta mouth on you.” She retorts.

His nostrils flare. “So do you. And you people are supposed to be etherall.”

“No one gives a shit what we do,” she laughs, but it's humorousless. “Why do you think I’m stuck here?”

The last sentence isn’t a question, it's a commentary. Filler to help him understand why a once asgardian knight is spending her early mornings drunk at a gym. He gets it, and opts not to judge. He’s pretty much doing the same thing.

“Well next time don’t crack your fucking skull open.” Bucky muses, raising to the balls of his feet with his elbows placed on his knees.

Sif raises her brow, her mouth twisted and they both feel it. He breathes out slowly, his mouth dry, and he doesn’t know which one kisses the other first.

Teeth click, skin burns as they grab for one another, Sif pulling him atop her on the gym floor. His heart elates, chest fills and he didn’t realize how much sorrow was on him until he felt it rise.

He knew this feeling was fleeting, he knew it wouldn’t last. But it was a moment of ease, a moment to bury himself in something that wasn’t her agony, and he took it swiftly.

Their lips are bruising, hips pushing as he presses her into the floor. He isn’t holding back as his metal arms grips her top, ripping it from her shoulders. Sif gasps in his mouth, her fingers in his hair as her tongue swipes at him, pulling harshly.

His hips are snapping into hers painfully, head dipped to the crook of her neck, biting her salty skin. Scrunching his eyes closed, movements erratic, the feeling of relief subsiding, and the colorless world is inching its way back.

He has to bite his tongue to keep from saying her name into this other woman’s hair.