#this came to me in a pipe dream (my irl friends keep calling me a genius I'm just learning outside of school)

[basilstars0-o]

need a show where the most intelligent character is a "a book worth banning is a book worth reading" character instead of "the academy is the greatest collection of knowledge I will never question it" character

[thestuffmybraincomesupwith]

August 11, 2023

Dream: Bus ride

Next to an ocean

Pirates took over bus

Friend and I Retreated into a sanctuary house / worship center

They didn't know i was there

Me and friend hid in her closet (my section was overrun, then hers, we were priestesses?)

They found her in our hiding closet, didn't see me. They Left her in here while they discussed what to do with her

She very quietly sent out ferrets (summoned?) To show me there was a secret hatch in the floorboards leading to a pipe big enough to fit us that went down into the earth

The pirates dragged her back out

I opened the hatch and quietly climbed in, using hands and feet to brace against the sides of the pipe

Quietly closed the hatch above me

Shined my phone light down - it was far

Decided to shimmy down slowly instead of drop

I got down to a curve to see it let out into like a large building basement boiler room with like 5 different doors

They threw her back into the closet - she was supposed to be getting dressed for a ceremony they were going to force her through (marriage? Something else?)

She came down through the hatch and replaced the floorboard as quickly and quietly as possible

I shone my light so she could see the bottom

She had cast some sort of spell on herself that would hide away the really important knowledge of her position so the Pirates couldn't get it

Also made her forget where we were, who was coming after us, and for the most part what was happening

She did know we were being hunted though

Chose a door at random to see if it was unlocked- i thought it would be, but it wasn't

Led to another set of doors

Led into a locked high school at night (same high school from every dream i have)

Saw a teacher who let us out

We realized we were transported to my hometown (very far away from the temple)

Ran through the streets (looked like [urban neighborhood], but the buildings were as tall as skyscrapers, but same building fronts)

Got to my place

We pulled out our amulets (part of what the pirates wanted) and started going through a video game simulation trying to figure out how to use them

Video game was 5 people standing in a half circle around a fat tree with Rillaboom in it with special dividers between us, and Rillaboom shoots a massive blast of a laser and turns it slowly in a circle around the tree so it sweeps through all of us

Getting hit with the laser hurts like in Pokemon Legends: Arceus

Took several attempts to figure out what was supposed to happen

Friend couldn't remember what the amulet did or how to activate it

Had [my mom, irl] hop in to try to stand in for her and help.

I started to realize the pirates would be after us, would have discovered the hatch and tunnel pipe, would have split up in the boiler room, and would be in town looking for us

I figured out what needed to happen in the video game simulation with [my mom, irl] playing with me (I'd have to practice to get the timing down)

I had to activate the Amulet to turn on a reflective shield, to bounce the laser back at Rillaboom, but there was a timing thing where it had to transform into activating a spear for something in between

I told [my mom, irl] I loved her, but we had to leave, I didn't know to where or for how long, and she asked if we could play video games remotely every day while we were gone because she had fun, and I agreed to yes, we'd hop on a call at 12pm noon every day, but to keep it on the DL (because I didn't want the pirates to know that she had seen us).

Me and my friend escaped in the night with freshly packed bags of supplies (food and clothes and like Harriet the Spy stuff)

We snuck through the streets

I tried to figure out where we should head. Safe house in town? Out of town?

I decided we needed to head back to the ocean town, the long way, but not to the temple we came from but to the secret temple under an old pier (where we had originally been headed before pirates took over the bus)

We stopped by a college campus that had a Moe's southwestern grill inside

Someone let us in, because you needed a key card

This made me feel safe for the moment, because the pirates wouldn't be able to enter

So like a safe house

We got food and my friend ate, though she didn't know anything but to be scared of whoever was hunting us

She knew I was her friend but she didn't really remember anything about me or who I was

While we ate, I noticed a group of students playing the video game simulation

They had set a key card with a chip in it (like [old employer's] security badge) to block the laser from the playable spot from hurting the character while they ate their lunch

It worked

Gave me an idea

I asked for two spare key cards, which they gave me

I thanked them and we left, having eaten our burritos

The whole time in my town it's been night, btw

Except while we were at my mom's it had been day, but we had the curtains drawn so it was dark

There was something else, from the escape pipe, and playing at my moms

There was something activated to a new setting with the Amulet

A previously unknown setting

Weapon?

It was white with blue dots, and it was that pipe funnel symbol that looks like a T on top, but then a Y

Like this

And it had allowed me to see other still-locked settings, like this

I forgot the white background of the funnel, but that's the idea

I spent our time running trying to figure out the symbols, what they meant, how to activate them, etc?

how do I reactivate the blue one? What exactly does it do? How did my friend activate it on the way down the pipe? How did she activate it at my mom's? How do I unlock the green setting? Did I glimpse more settings past the green one? Orange and something else?

This was all in my friend's staff, which was apparently in the dream the entire time (even though it hadn't, dream logic)

Seemed tied to my friend's Amulet (her priestess Amulet and my priestess Amulet were different)

I had a green one, she had red? I thought mine was originally orange, but the shield i activated during the simulation was green

But the staff setting she activated was blue

The pirates were on our trail i couldn't think about it anymore

We boarded a bus to the pier

I realized a few stops away that the pirates would take over the bus (deja vu)

We got off and started planning how to sneak to the pier around the pirates

I woke up

[lifewithdavefarts]

DaveFarts - Episode 7 “The Noisy Roommate” [Episode List] Tim spends the night at Dave’s house and they have to share the latter’s full-sized bed. As they go to sleep, Dave soon makes sure that it’s gonna be a noisy night.

The episode is inspired by TheFartingWolf’s video/premise of the same name. I had a similar idea sometime ago but I figured I could just combine my story and the video for, I don’t know, a real 4D experience? With that said, I’m ready to delete this story should TheFartingWolf want me to do so.

Also keep in mind that this is not a story about the IRL person who made the video linked above, but rather two fictional characters.

The Noisy Roommate

“Thanks for having me over, bro.” I thanked Dave, while rummaging through my backpack.

This was not the first time I slept at Dave’s house of course, not even the first during our 20s, but this time it truly was a last-second solution. This is not like the shower emergency from sometime ago, though water is involved again somehow.

“No problem dude. I needed someone to help me finish this case of beer anyway.” he said, cracking one open and throwing the can at me, which I managed to catch.

“Always up for it.” and I took a long sip of that cold nectar.

“I’m sorry you almost drowned.” he joked.

“Yeah it was terrible.” I played along.

Truth is that some pipe in my house literally exploded and water flooded the entire apartment. It’s not as bad as it sounds: the leak was already fixed but I still needed a place to stay for the night. I didn’t even have time to call anyone as Dave simply showed up at my place and drove me here.

We sat on the couch to watch some bad movie as we kept chatting about some random stuff and having beer. We were both dressed casually, Dave sporting a pair of grey shorts and a black t-shirt, outfits that doubled as our pajamas, even though Dave was probably gonna sleep shirtless as he usually does.

And again, as usual, I felt some familiar vibrations going through the couch. I rolled my eyes and chuckled.

“Straight to the point, I see.” I commented.

He laughed and slightly leaned, ripping the rest of the 7-seconds rip towards me, without the couch muffling the sound now. I always appreciate how my bud is so casual about my kink and that fart, needless to say, was impressive, despite being “small” for my bro’s incredibly high standards. Also, he basically almost always farted like this even before he knew about my fetish which, again, led me to appreciate more how his attitude towards me didn’t change at all -and he knows very well the “side effects” his blasts give me.

I pitched a tent in my own shorts but I managed to hide it by adjusting my position, crossing my legs. Whether Dave noticed that or not was irrelevant, as he kept ripping a couple of more loud toots.

We resumed watching the TV for like one hour until we both decided it was time to turn into corpses for the rest of the night, so we went upstairs, the beers making us a bit dizzy but nothing serious.

I was familiar with Dave’s house so I headed directly to the guest room, my bud right behind me.

I stepped into the dark room, turned the light on, and I saw it, staring at me from the bed.

Brave Dave was the first one to run away, pulling me outside of the guest room as I hastily shut the door. Team work!

“Okay, Tim. Were you cursed or something?” he asked.

On the bed we both just saw a huge spider, the biggest we’ve ever seen in real life. While we’re not properly arachnophobic, it’s not like *we like* sleeping with spiders hanging around.

We were both manly adult men and so we were both very afraid of the eight-legged monster sneaking out to murder us in our sleep, or simply existing, so the two of us rushed to the kitchen and came back with tons of duct tape to block up every nook and cranny of the guest room door.

“Alright.” I said. “I’ll just use the couch downstairs.”

“Nah bro.” Dave commented. “My bed’s full-sized. You can join me.” and he walked towards his room.

I needed some time to process what he just said. Me and Dave shared a bed many times but that was always before I came out to him. I wonder how-

“Look, I hate to interrupt your inner monologue about self-pity and all” he said, kind of annoyed. “But can we just for once skip your awkward bullshit and head to bed? Thanks.” and then disappeared into his room.

I chuckled a bit as I realized how “formulaic” I was being lately when he more than once proved to me that he had no issues with me, so I followed him. 

The bedroom was dimly lit and he was already lying on his side of the bed, shirtless, showing off some mild pecs and an overall nice-looking figure.

“I gotta warn you: I’m a screamer in bed.” I jokingly said, lying down on my side of the bed, just by the window.

“Oh yesss, scream harder, daddy.” he played along, laughing.

We were both lying down, mindlessly scrolling stuff on our smartphones and reading articles. That only lasted a couple of minutes.

“Well, time for your goodnight kiss” Dave announced, quickly wrapping his legs around me and planting his butt in grey shorts in my face.

I was still lying down as the fart erupted, almost making me deaf for how loud it was, so up close and personal. I couldn’t see the ceiling very well as Dave’s hairy legs mostly obstructed the view. The blast didn’t even smell that much, which made me assume it was on command rather than fully natural; not that it didn’t stink at all of course.

The beer-powered fart lasted about 10 seconds. He wiggled his ass on my face a bit and then let me go/breathe. “I thought you were a screamer.” he teased and went back on his side of the bed, which almost looked queen-sized.

I didn’t say anything and I simply turned my back to him, trying to be annoyed and failing miserably, feeling a faint scent in my nostrils every time I breathed.

“Looks like there’s a leak in my house as well.” he said, right before ripping another thunderous blast, this time far from me. I tried to ignore that, but I still pitched a tent anyway. I didn’t even turn around: I’m not going to let the teaser win!

After a couple of minutes, Dave turned the lights off and the room fell into darkness, the only source of light being a digital alarm clock inches from my face. 1:34 AM, not as late as I thought, but my body didn’t care and I fell asleep almost immediately.

2:44 AM I hear a loud noise and I woke up, only opening my eyes, the alarm clock greeting my sight in a room of pure darkness. Took me a couple of moments to realize that, of course, it was Dave farting, this time in his sleep. I turned around, noticing Dave’s grey pants as my eyes adjusted to the dark.

3:01 AM I was almost asleep as another fart snapped me back to reality, this time even louder. Again I instinctively turned around and stared at my bud’s butt as the blast erupted. Those felt very airy and pretty much odourless I think. I thought whether I should wake him up but I didn’t want him to think that I was listening to his sleep-farting, which is literally what I was doing sadly.

At this point I was playing the jump-rope between being asleep and awake, every time fully waking up because of Dave farting like crazy. After many farts, the blast at 3:59 AM felt particularly powerful and “meaty”, which made me look again at my friend’s butt, somehow noticing his pants moving because of the air being blasted out. A powerful rip that lasted around 11 seconds I believe. Was I dreaming? Similar farts then followed.

4:59 AM This one almost scared me as when I thought it was over it instead became louder and louder, as if it was a train passing nearby. It had a great sound and flow, one of the best I ever heard from my bro.

5:32 AM Another peak in farting activity. Falling asleep at this point was impossible. Each moment of silence was just the quiet before the storm and I completely gave up on the idea of resting that night.

6:21 AM This one was so loud and powerful that even Dave woke up for a moment. He simply sighed in relief though, but when even the farter wakes up, you know the fart was incredible.

6:36 AM A similar blast greeted the first lights of the dawn. 

Even more powerful rips were heard at 7:16 AM and 7:33 AM. At around 8:01 AM, Dave finally woke up by himself, one of his loudest farts acting as natural alarm clock.

That was a long night and as I heard Dave going downstairs to do his morning routine, I figured it was finally time to catch up some sleep, but ironically enough the silence made it more difficult as I was now so used to his blasts that they felt like white noise, fetish or not.

That teasing bastard won and wasn’t even done.

After merely 30 minutes, I heard him jump on the bed. I was facing the window, pretending to be asleep, but I knew he was standing on the bed, towering over me.

“Rise and shine, roommate!”

He squatted over my head, still sporting those grey shorts, and ripped a huge, loud and proud natural morning fart all over my face. I’m kind of glad I was already awake, ‘cause I would have been scared to death by that gas thunder. Where was all of this gas coming from? How was he not done?

I screamed, annoyed, and pushed him on his side of the bed, my hands touching his still-farting ass, the stench being this time unbearable. I heard him laugh like an idiot as he lied next to me, keeping one of his legs up as he finished ripping that loud, long fart.

“So you are a screamer!” he joked.

“And you fart in your sleep.” I replied.

“As if you’d mind me doing that.”

Whether he was aware or not of what happened during the night, Dave was as usual so comfortable around me that he just didn’t care and it was all just a big gassy prank for him. So I just lied there, awake, chatting with my bud about my house looking like Venice, so tired and so exhausted that I didn’t even bother about the spider staring back at us from the ceiling.

End of Episode 7

[firjii]

Okay so the other night I had a dream that’s a little wild by my standards:

I was on my lunch break or something and I was in some little coffee shop (not one I’ve ever actually been in). There were maybe a dozen empty espresso cups and like 3 different half-eaten muffins on the table, which was one of those funky little round baby tables just barely big enough for 2 people’s drinks (they pop up a lot in art from the Regency era I think??).

I had a tremendous migraine, hence the coffee. I could barely keep my eyes open, but suddenly this very heady perfume smell floods the air and in come 4 people. I think they were drag queens and a drag king because they were profoundly Extra™️ in every way and their clothes (hell let’s just say it, costumes) were very very detailed and opulent like some stage acts are.

They all smile at me and there I am just sitting at the very tiny table trying to keep my eyes open and not throw up at the same time. I sort of nod back because damn if I’m not gonna try to be nice to 4 people who greet me very warmly like this crowd did. They grab chairs and huddle around the tiny table with me and it’s obvious how obvious my headache is.

I mumble something at them about work (not sure where I worked in the dream, but it was somewhere similarly exhausting to my current situation irl) and one of them immediately pipes in that I need a new job. I say “no shit” or something like that and suddenly one of them offers me a maid job at the hotel where they work.

I immediately say that maid work is out because of the chemicals and the noise from vacuum cleaners. They all pipe in excitedly about how the hotel refuses to use conventional industrial cleaners because they’re too harsh on the furniture/decor in the building and vacuums aren’t allowed because they spoil the ambience of the place.

I say what the hell, the whole thing is just so random and Extra™️ that it might be just the right kind of extra. So I ask them for the address and they all just keep chattering about how much the job will suit me. I keep asking them where it is. Eventually one of them tells me but I don’t hear the name. We have a back-and-forth like that for maybe 5 minutes.

They all give me a hug and leave.

Just like that, the migraine is gone.

I take buses all day to get downtown (I don’t fucking know where it was supposed to be, but it was the kind of area most people would call “downtown” - also I don’t take the bus irl, so where the hell ANY of this came from is anyone’s guess).

I try hard to remember the name of the place they said, but since I didn’t fully catch the name, it’s even harder to remember. I know vaguely which stop I should get off at, so I just go by that. I’m excited. The bus stop is in sight of this massive building, apparently the hotel. The sign is blank, but somehow it’s obvious that this is where I’m supposed to go.

The building gets taller and taller as I approach the door. I go in.

Fancy textiles as far as the eye can see. Dark reds and maroons and purples that all merge into each other. A vaguely steampunk theme otherwise. Dim lights but many of them, so it’s easy to see but it’s impossible to be blinded.

I look around. It doesn’t seem like a hotel and since it doesn’t have a stage or even room for a live band, it doesn’t quite seem like a lounge either. Lots of small plush booths, some loveseats, a few tiny tables but not like the kind in the coffee shop. Velvets and lush draped fabrics basically in every inch of the room. The room is maybe half full but pretty quiet. Most people are dressed in 1920s clothing, especially the dresses. Most people wearing makeup are wearing it in dramatic modern ways. I even see some black lipstick.

A few people are smoking through cigarette holders but I don’t smell the slightest hint of smoke - only that same heady perfume again. I look around for my new friends but there’s no sign of them.

Someone in a velvet suit approaches me cordially. He must be the manager. I apologize for my sloppy clothes and he says it doesn’t matter. I ask if the place is looking for a new maid. He says yes. I try to explain who sent me here, but he seems confused. I didn’t get names from all four of them, but I tell him the ones I did catch and just describe them in as much detail as I can.

He doesn’t know what the hell I’m talking about and denies ever knowing the people I describe, but he’s glad to see someone eager to work in his establishment, so he gives me directions for where to go in the building for my uniform. I fumble my way down some corridors, very much distracted by the decor and struck by how utterly soothingly quiet and calm it is here.

I open a door. The knob is etched crystal.

Sunlight shatters my thoughts. I’m outside again. I must’ve taken a wrong turn. I turn around.

The building looks a hundred years old, obviously abandoned and barely in one piece.

A swirl of air, somehow a mixture of the cool damp from inside the building and the unforgiving dry furnace of outdoors, blows on me for a long moment. One last blast of perfume mingles with acrid bus fumes. My migraine completely returns. I double over.

[falconedreams]

WWIII & Dystopian Singapore

So I dreamt Trump won the presidency, and started doing all kinds of awful things, like separating immigrant children from their parents (you sure it was a dream, Fal?) and this led to one extremely distraught father, who was about to be deported, while his daughter was to be kept in America, to attempt to assassinate Trump. Naturally, the would-be assassin was shot dead by the Secret Service. The country that this man was from was - displeased, to say the least, and started WWIII. 

Now, Singapore is not participating, because we all know one well-placed bomb would obliterate us so entirely that not even the land would be left, never mind survivors, and so we don’t want to court anyone’s ire by picking a side. The thing is, we’re still screwed anyway, because not picking a side means we couldn’t trade with anyone either, because trading goods with any country was tantamount to siding with them, and would therefore get us on the shit-list of whoever their enemies were. In any case, during war time, most countries barely had enough supplies for their own citizens, so it wasn’t like anyone wanted to trade with us anyway.

Singapore is incredibly incredibly dependent on trade, so in that situation our economy quickly dried up, necessities became extremely rare and valuable. The rich and the government started hoarding all the food they could get their hands on, to sit out the lean times and wait for it all to be over. But that ran the risk of the regular folk becoming discontented, starting a revolution, and storming the food banks to get the food for themselves. So in order to keep the people from getting themselves organised enough to start a revolt, the government started to sow discord amongst the regular citizens. They planted a rumour about some secret organisation trying to ruin our “neutral position” and drag us into the war. They would encourage people to turn in anyone “suspicious” for questioning, and rewarding this with some measly amounts of food and supplies they judged that they were able to do without. And if you didn’t turn anyone in, you’d be suspected of hiding something, and being disloyal to the country. Very 1984, I know. Soon people were turning in their friends, their family, just for a bit of cash, or to avoid being suspected themselves.

My mother turned me in. For “stealing government property” (I was poaching fish in the Singapore River because the rations allocated were not enough to feed the family. I do have a teenaged sister). I can’t even say I was surprised. She’s made no secret of her displeasure (both in the dream world and IRL) that I haven’t been using my law degree to, you know, get into the Attorney General’s Chambers or get a high-flying job at a prestigious firm and Cultivate Powerful Connections, who would’ve been able to Protect Us in this Time of Need. I didn’t protest. It would be one less person to feed.

The government agents brought me to this...community center turned detention center. There were a lot of people, but I didn’t have to wait long. I was marched into a little windowless room just minutes after some fat, middle-aged man had gone in (and not come out). Very Room 101.

He was, uhm, dead, apparently. Slumped in a corner of the room, eyes bulging, mouth open in a shriek. Which was weird to me, because he’d been gone for like less than 5 minutes and I couldn’t see any obvious wounds on him. He looked more like he’d been frightened to death, which - just doesn’t make sense. I was so puzzled, I just stared and didn’t struggle while two officers grabbed my arms, marched me to a chair in front of a desk, sat me down in it and tied my arms to the back of the chair. 

The interrogator came in a couple minutes later, tall, stern looking, well-groomed man in a dark navy blue uniform with gold epaulettes. He took the seat in front of me, while the two officers just stood slightly behind me. He noticed me staring at the dead body and sniffed in contempt. Guy was such a wimp, he said, that he died of fright when he saw their ‘interrogation device’, before they even had a chance to use it on him.

I….laughed. Because I’m an idiot. And have trouble holding back my amusement at the most inopportune times. The man smiled, but not for the same reasons. He picked up - I didn’t know what it was called at the time I dreamt it, but Google says it’s a pipe wrench - and put it on the table. I don’t know if he was trying to intimidate me, or if it was just that heavy, but when he put it down it made an audible CLANK sound.

I probably should not have responded the way I did, but honestly, it’s not like I can think of anything better even in hindsight. I just stared at the thing, and went “Uhh….okay.” There was an awkward silence, like the interrogator didn’t think he’d get this far, or maybe he expected some other reaction from me. Then he shrugged. “Okay. Do you know anything about the spy organisation trying to pull Singapore into the war?”

I was like, no?? I’m here because I was poaching fish?? I have no idea about any spy organisation. Then he meaningfully handed the pipe wrench to one of the guards standing behind me, who then proceeded to untie my right arm and put my wrist between the jaws of the wrench. “Sure you don’t want to reconsider your answer?”

I’ve never been good at lying, and apparently, it seems, not even with the immediate threat of bodily harm as an incentive. I said no, the interrogator made a motion to the guard with the wrench, and he - well, broke my wrist. Crushed it with the pipe wrench like he was using those nutcrackers you get at hawker centres to crack crab shells. It hurt like hell but the shock prevented me from screaming. And then after the initial shock - well, it still hurt atrociously but I was too embarrassed to give a delayed reaction, so I just stared at the interrogator, and repeated that I had no idea of any plots whatsoever, all I did was steal fish (which was true). He was not impressed, and motioned to the guards to get ready to break my other wrist, when, oh joy, the fire alarms sounded. Apparently a fire had broken out somewhere near the entrance and was threatening to quickly seal the only way in and out of the building, and there was a stampede of people trying to get out, so the guards and the interrogator, cowardly pisspots that they were, all ran off to try and get out ASAP and left me in the room to burn to death. 

The broken wrist actually was useful in this situation, though, because it allowed me to slip out of the ropes holding me to the chair (albeit rather painfully) and untie myself. Then I ran further into the building, until I found the toilets, and climbed out of the windows Mas Selamat style!! Then I started walking back home. I don’t know why, to be honest. Guess I was too tired and in too much pain to think straight. I just wanted somewhere to curl up and cry, or sleep. I’ve found that pain makes one tired. It’s weird.

Anyway, as luck would have it, when I reached home, it was completely deserted. And wrecked. It looked like someone had reported my mother, and then she got dragged away, and then the rest of my family had fled, and with no one around the rest of the neighbours and random people had come and ransacked the place for anything remotely valuable. Miraculously the fishing tools were still there. Guess fishing isn’t a big thing with Sg’eans. (I don’t actually know how to fish IRL, but me being a fisherwoman is kind of a recurring motif in my dreams - you’ll see more of me fishing as and when I have the time to update this thing). There was also a lone girl still there, rooting through the debris for anything left that the mob might’ve overlooked. She looked around 13-15, Caucasian, freckles, red hair. Quite unusual for Singapore. At first she was hostile, saying that she couldn’t take on the whole crowd from earlier, but she definitely could and would fight me if I was going to contest any of her findings, but after I told her I just wanted my fishing gear and some place to crash and sleep, she calmed down and asked what happened to my arm. I told her. She seemed impressed, holding my arm and admiring the bruising and swelling like a fisherman who’s just caught a prize trout.

I was not - pleased, about that, because it hurt, and all the poking and moving was making it worse, and eventually she caught on, and was surprisingly nice enough to bandage it for me with a torn off bit of her dress (not like that really helps matters with no proper medical attention, but at least I don’t have to look at it, I guess) and then afterwards we decided we’d stick together and go find a new place to hide out after she was done with her scavenging. But I have no idea how that turned out because I fell asleep on a chunk of concrete while watching her scavenge, and woke back up IRL.