#this book is just too damn quotable

[thoughtfulfangirling]

"Discipline is just a series of choices."

—Dear Senthuran: A Black Spirit Memoir by Awaeke Emezi

[zannolin]

Beloved on the dash. One of my profs was telling the class that he thinks we should watch national treasure. I immediately thought of you. I am inviting you to rant or talk about anything you like about this film and I will most likely be convinced to watch it. The floor is yours 🎤

first, before i go absolutely batshit unhinged about national treasure, i went "aww" being addressed as "beloved on the dash." truly an esteemed title among tumblrinas.

now back to business. ur professor is so fucking correct it's such a silly feel good heist movie. and as i have discussed with my sister i am fully aware that it's something i can enjoy with very little complication bc i am both white and american but at least the first is a bit less like that than the second. all the characters have a boner for america or whatever just be aware but sometimes i'm like damn i wish i lived in whatever fantasy america ben gates believes in bc that sure isn't the one we have here. (if nothing else his speech to the president in book of secrets is good for a laugh especially in a post 2016 america BUT I DIGRESS) okay now that that's out of the way. it's such a wonderful movie. it's batshit unhinged you have nicolas cage playing a little freak who knows way way way too much about american history who looks like he's having a midlife crisis to everyone who doesn't know him and also those who do but actually he's just Like That. he's the fox mulder of treasure hunters with his emotional support nerd and they steal the fucking declaration of independence like. i feel like that alone should convince anyone who even knows what the declaration of independence is to watch it. it's fucking hilarious. they're stealing one of their country's most important/famous historical documents to keep some OTHER british guys from stealing it because there's a treasure map (A TREASURE MAP!!!) on the back. have you ever heard of a more ridiculously delightful premise. i wish every movie was like this.

plus the chemistry is great idk how they pulled that off but i wanna watch these idiots argue for hours. they're all so fucking snarky but in a fun way not in a "i am this year's 928474th marvel movie and i'm incapable of being genuine for even 2 seconds" way. and btw it's stupidly earnest about caring about history and wanting to share it with the world despite its flaws and i can't help it i'm charmed. AND as i've yelled about AT LENGHT it has in my opinion if not hte most iconic at LEAST the most gorgeous score. what the fuck was trevor rabin on in 2004. and also in 2007 for book of secrets. that dude is a musical genius.

it's as quotable as the princess bride (to me, anyway) and like idk man it's genuinely funny and absolutely ridiculous and it knows it's ridiculous and embraces that. and i love that.

also. riley poole 👍

i watched the entire show for one episode him. you know those characters that like you interact with as a child and they alter your entire chemical makeup for the rest of you life? he's one of those for me. that is the best (or perhaps the worst depending on how you feel about me) endorsement i can offer.

[mylifeinfiction]

Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry

“It's funny leaving a place, ain't it? You never do know when you'll get back.”

Larry McMurtry's Lonesome Dove is the epitome of the American Western. It's scope is as grand as the frontier through which its characters journey. Its themes are as rooted in the American experience as they are in the American dream. And its characters are as flawed as they are heroic, as complex as they are charming, and as compelling as they are downright vile.

McMurtry fills this brilliant, behemoth book with an overwhelming understanding not only of these characters and their emotional and physical journey, but of the innate romance and ever-present danger of the wild west itself. Through this understanding and his impeccable prose, he brings us on an unpredictable, exciting and often infuriating adventure through the American west in a way that's as epic as it is singular.

This was one of those endlessly satisfying reading experiences, for me... the type where I continuously had to slow myself down because I simply never wanted it to end. McMurtry's storytelling is so immersive and enjoyable that I found myself longing for more of everything - even the characters I absolutely abhorred - every time I had to set the book down. And despite leading me down unexpected paths that broke my heart and had me damn-near ready to throw the book at the wall, and leaving so many character arcs wide-open, each and every moment throughout this book - every act of bravery, every betrayal, every death, every promise kept - works so well thematically that I couldn't help but embrace them completely in the end. Lonesome Dove is one hell of book.

“It ain’t dying I’m talking about, it’s living. I doubt it matters where you die, but it matters where you live.”

Some Random Thoughts: (Beware of Possible SPOILERS!)

The dialogue!! All of it is so dern good, but especially Gus. Just about everything that comes out of his mouth is thematically poignant and endlessly quotable.

I found it extremely difficult to get a read on Gus for just about the entire first act. I can't say he becomes less perplexing afterward, but I did manage to mostly understand him. He's such a great character. McMurtry made me cry uncontrollably no fewer than three times just by having characters gift Newt a horse. I really don't know why, either... those moments just completely wrecked me.

Jake Spoon's arc becomes more peculiar the more I think of it. (That's a good thing. It felt real. It felt unavoidable.)

That snake death was downright terrifying.

I absolutely love and hate how death is handled throughout this book. It's all so natural; so inevitable.

Clara, though. I get it, Gus.

The way McMurtry writes these landscapes conveys so effortlessly the effect they would have had on these men. Above all else, that's what I mean when I say 'immersive'.

It's rare that a book can have such a massive cast of characters and I'm still able to see each and every one as an individual, and have different opinions of them all.

I found it incredibly easy casting all of these characters using actors from Yellowstone. I mean, c'mon, Cole Hauser as Call?!? Perfect. (Though, yeah, Tommy Lee Jones was definitely more perfect.) Kelly Reilly as Clara?!? Yes, please. However, I found it impossible to see anyone other than Robert Duvall as Gus.

Whatever issues I had with the final act (all of them minor, nit-picky ones, other than maybe the way they left Newt), I was extremely happy with the way they resolved the Blue Duck subplot. Ooh, and the philosophically cyclical nature in which the book ended. I dug that quite a bit, too. Gus and Call are bona fide badasses, and I look forward to spending more time with them when I'm eventually able to read their other adventures.

9.5/10

-Timothy Patrick Boyer.

[wretcheddthing]

7 Comfort Movies

i was tagged by @cuteallo and i’m Watching you.

1) The Mummy (1999): We Know. If you know me you know this. Hold on I’m going to go take a picture of my bumper sticker (you know the one)

I have a poster hanging up in my room. It’s my all time most favorite movie Ever. Plus it just feels like a love letter to classic Universal monsters which I didn’t really Get until my good buddy Jamie got me interested in the history of it while I was doing research for my old radio show. Some of the creative choices and definitely the horror elements were so precisely implemented to mimic classic horror set tropes, like how the moon is always huge and bright and a little too big. And it’s SO quotable. RIDDLED with problems, but Roger Ebert said it best, “There is hardly a thing I can say in its favor, except that I was cheered by nearly every minute of it. I cannot argue for the script, the direction, the acting or even the mummy, but I can say that I was not bored and sometimes I was unreasonably pleased.“

2) Howl’s Moving Castle: I don’t think I need to explain this one. It’s a movie that Radiates comfort. I watched it at least a couple times back to back the last time i got sick.

3) Atlantis: The Lost Empire: This movie is directly responsible (in conjunction with The Mummy and Uncharted) for a full cast of OCs. This movie is part of the reason I’ve taken so many archaeology courses and helped out at a dig site last summer. also in conjunction with the mummy and uncharted

4) Mamma Mia: it reminds me of my mom ;-; i grew up with ABBA because of her, she took me to see this in theaters when it came out. she lives a couple states away now and is currently utilizing her retirement to spend a month abroad and i miss her very much. will probably watch this later

5) Brave: I made myself sad bc i miss my mom. This is one I took her to see in theaters, and let me tell you were there not other people in the theater i would have been openly sobbing. Also it’s just a damn fine movie. It came out around the time I was deeply interested in archery and i am partially Scottish so on the surface it seemed right up my alley. but then the story got me and i cannot watch it without crying

6) Zombieland: Stealing this one from Teagan because hard same. Found family, zombies, reminiscent of Left 4 Dead. Good memories with that game playing it with my older sibling on their XBox 360 whenever they came up to visit :) Also it’s SO HARD to find decent zombie shit now!!! no one gets it! nobody gets it anymore they’re all like “the people are the real monsters” NO. THAT’S NOTHING. THAT’S NOT INTERESTING. USE ZOMBIES AS THE METAPHORICAL TOOL THEY ARE TO ELEVATE HUMAN STORIES. COWARDS.

7) The Martian: It’s my favorite book of all time and as far as movie adaptations go I really don’t think it’s that bad. Mark Watney’s gotta be one of the characters ever made. I read this book every single year now because I related to it at a time I really needed to (see: high school) and the movie is pretty faithful imo. Look I have a drawing for it

anyways i think i made this post too long and i would say it’s bc i’m a film minor but i didn’t say anything really insightful about any of these movies i just like to talk i’m tagging @gilarroyo @olliesaurus-rex @prioriincantatemx @elliewilliams @adairable-dirks @jamiechanga​ and whosoever wishes to participate

[birchbees]

I'm very close to DNF "I Fell in Love with Hope." Sorry bookblr and booktok, it ain't for me! Not every sentence has to be a quotable, poeticallty tragic metaphor... Take a damn breath and just tell me what's happening. It took me three re-reads of one of the pages to find out what happened to Sam's boyfriend in the first chapter. I'm only on the second chapter and this is too much. I might have enjoyed it as a teenager, but the book came out a decade too late for that.

[maelstrom007]

Thanks for the tag @lululandd !!! This one's gonna be a long one cause I really love movies and have quite a big pool that I return to regularly

7 comfort films + 7 tags (No way in hell I have seven people to tag but we'll see)

Pride and Prejudice (2005) [Dude I literally watch this movie all the fucking time. It's my emotional recovery movie. I know the whole thing by heart by now. Vudu is loosing money because of how much I've watched this god damn movie]

Divergent [I'm nostalgic, sue me]

The Birdcage [Highly recommend, cracks me up and warms my heart every time. The son is an absolute little shit though.]

Hot Fuzz [Love this movie to death. The comedic timing is phenomenal]

The Usual Suspects [What a fucking BANGER. If you haven't seen it go watch it]

IQ [Who doesn't love a nerdy love story?]

300 [Definitely watch it for the plot. . .no other reason]

Honorable Mentions:

Leapyear [Comedy of errors meets realizing you're not actually in love meets Irish love superstitions. Gotta love it]

Fearless - Jet Li [I'm a slut for martial arts movies]

The Grand Budapest Hotel [Wes Anderson, need I say more]

The Martian [Loved the book, love the movie. Reminds me that engineering is not only about knowledge, but is also a state of mind]

Ever After [Amazing retelling of Cinderella, with Drew Barrymore no less]

A Knights Tale [Movie gets better and better the older I get. So quotable]

Strictly Ballroom [I have a soft spot for strictly ballroom. Yeah, it's a comedy, but I also love the celebration of hispanic dance and the commentary on the chokehold 'traditions' have on sports]

Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon [Yet another amazing martial arts movie, featuring Michele Yeoh. What a legend]

Knives Out [God I fucking love this movie. Not only was it a fantastic who dunnit, but also an example of how you can use politically charged topics like immigration status to flesh out a character and have it inform the why behind their actions or thought process, as opposed to just stereotyping]

KiKi's Delivery Service [Who doesn't like Kiki's delivery service]

Gentlemen Prefer Blondes [Marilyn Monroe and Jane Russel iconic duo, need I say more?]

Coraline, El Dorado, Treasure Planet, The Prince of Egypt [This post is getting way too long, but i'll be damned if I forget some of my favorite animated movies]

Sorry not sorry for the insane list. I only have one mutual, so please don't feel obligated to do this, just trying to keep the post going! @hffhifjou @valiants @halcyone-of-the-sea @ghouljams

7 comfort films + 7 tags

Thanks for tagging me @three-of-crows 💖 (took me a few days to make it)

Little Miss Sunshine

Spirited Away

Howl's Moving Castle

Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

The Dark Knight Rises

Lord of the Rings: Return of the King

Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring

Tagging: @scar-crossedlvrs @sarahs-secrets2 @cerezzzita @jihyunv @ghastlyrider @redpool @softenmygrip

[average-guy-reviews]

8 Reasons Why Lost Boys is The Best Vampire Film.

I have maintained, for the last 35 years, that The Lost Boys is the single greatest vampire movie ever made. I have just watched the 35th anniversary re-release and I stand by my claim.

Here's 8 Reasons why it's the best:

1) The soundtrack. Any soundtrack that includes People Are Strange(originally by The Doors, covered by Echo and The Bunnymen for the film) is automatically heading to the top of any list, but when that soundtrack also includes: Cry Little Sister (Gerard Mcmann), Laying Down The Law (INXS) and Lost In The Shadows (Lou Gramm) it's propelled even higher.

2) The Vampire aesthetic. This is a film made in, and set squarely in, the 80's. The look, style and overall aesthetic of the vamps matches this flawlessly. Having lived through the 80s I can confirm that a lot of people used to dress like that. But that's not the issue with this point. A lot of vampire films rely on an older styler of vampire aesthetic, even if set in a modern setting. A vampire in the now, who may need to try at times to fit in to avoid detection, is really unlikely to dress like people did hundreds of years ago. This film proved at the time you could bring vamps up to date, and not treat them like relics.

3) The use of Classic vampire tropes. Throughout the film we are advised on all of the classic ways to kill, or hurt, vampires. The use of holy water, garlic and sunlight. The thing about mirrors and reflections is brought up too, with one character who begins to fade in a mirror as he starts his transformation into a vamp. Some vamp films mess with these tropes and try to bring in new stuff that often just doesn't work. Sparkling in the sunlight? I'm looking at you. Yet this film did do one thing that added to the tropes.

4) New lore. While using the classic tropes in point 3 this film adds new lore. Based on Bram Stoker's seminal work most vampires turn to dust when staked. This movie builds, and expands, on that. To quote Edgar Frog, "I think I should warn you all, when a vampire bites it, it's never a pretty sight. No two bloodsuckers go the same way. Some yell and scream, some go quietly, some explode, some implode, but all will try to take you with them."

5) The quotable nature of so much of the script. This is a fairly standard thing in a lot of vamp films, but this film is just a step above most of the others. "You'll never grow old, Michael, and you'll never die." "Don't ever invite a vampire into your house, you silly boy. It renders you powerless." "Great! The Bloodsucking Brady Bunch!" "One thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach, all the damn vampires." "You're The Only Woman I Ever Knew That Didn't Improve Her Situation By Getting Divorced." "You're A Creature Of The Night, Michael. Just Like Out Of A Comic Book." Now these are just a few of my favourites, but the point still stands. I'm aware this is probably the weakest argument of the list, but i stand by it.

6) The portrayal of the vampires. Even when we can't see them on screen we know certain things about them. They fly. They are a clearly terrifying sight, and they are violently, and inhumanly strong. They hang upside down in their lair to sleep and they have the strange eyes and fangs we all expected. And yet, despite their inhuman and violent nature, they are portrayed as intelligent and calculating. A combination that makes them a force to be reckoned with in the vampire community.

7) It doesn't take itself too seriously. Vampire films tend to fall into two camps. Very serious or overly comedic and, as with any genre of movie, it can be very hard to walk that tightrope with the right balance. This movie manages that with moments of terror, interspersed with light comedic moments. You find yourself fearing for the characters, only to find a short moment of relief with a laugh before the terror returns. Neither side of this equation is overdone, and neither aspect steals away from the other.

8) My final point is perhaps the most salient, and important, point of the list. Kiefer Sutherland as David. He commands every scene he is in even if he says very little. Yet he doesn't overpower or dominate the other characters at all negatively. His use of non-verbal communication, with his eyes, his smile and his overall demeanour as the 'leader' of the vampires is fascinating to watch, and his final battle with Jason Patric's Michael, zipping in and out of the shadows, then taking control from the high ground is simply exquisite. Even now 35 years later I look at Kiefer and the first thing I see is David. That's longevity, and that is why he is so good in this film.

And so there you have it. My list of why Lost Boys is the best vampire film ever. I'm already aware of some of the arguments that might come, specifically from the the From Dusk Till Dawn crowd, and I aknowledge tje excellence that, amd many other vampire films. But for me David, and his Lost Boys, will always reign as kings.

As an extra point look at this poster. This is perfection in poster format. While Jason Patric is front and large, Kiefer dominates the centre of the frame and is staring deep into your soul. That is a face that says "I'm in charge!" without uttering a single sound. Alongside that though we have the fantastic black and white imagery overlayed on a pool of blood red. This is a glorious poster and I really want one framed for my office.

[whatsabriard]

Watch With Me: Hart to Hart 1x15

Episode Title: Night Horrors

Original Airdate: January 22, 1980

Why this one?: This is one of the most quotable episodes of the series ever. It's also a spooky Halloween ghost story episode that aired in January? Anyway. I love it.

Favorite Quote?: This should be the most fun you two have ever had with your clothes on. Hah, should be.

Max & Freeway are watching horror movies while the Harts are going out to dinner.

It's windy and blustery.

The Harts are discussing their "slightly weird" married friends who apparently bought a haunted house.

"I mean, would you go out of your way to buy a haunted house?"

"It wouldn't be so bad. We could spend the rest of our lives under a sheet."

The weird friends are named Fred and Amanda.

BETTER HOMES AND GARGOYLES. Oh you're a funny guy Jonathan.

Oh boy, there are howling wolves.

thunder and lightning very very frightening!

good evening, says lurch.

this lady asks what they think of the house and they're like "unique" they try really hard to be nice.

Poor Fred is so looking forward to his dinner, but he has to work on a presentation.

So let's introduce the rest of the Clue Crew.

Michael is wearing a blue tuxedo. He writes scary stories. Jonathan hasn't read any of his books. whomp whomp.

"Actually, I do most of my working out at home." and Jennifer actually chokes then says "He's in excellent shape" because she's as much of a little shit as her husband.

The house makes crazy noises.

Gladys is the real estate agent that found the house. And Reverend Tyson. I guess he's there for the exorcism? Gladys is already pretty drunk.

The window blows open. Jennifer still hasn't let the butler take her jacket. She's got one foot out the door.

The previous owner, Greely, died in the master bedroom. The butler was with him for 30 years and he died quite peacefully.

Mr Greely had unfinished business.

OH NO THE LIGHTS WENT OUT.

Then there's Lorna. She's a psychic and she saw Jennifer in danger in her vision. Jennifer is still wearing her coat.

The lights are flickering and everyone is like "weird".

Jennifer wants to go.

The lights go out again and when they come back on, Frilly Chested Michael says something touched him in the dark.

Jennifer wants O U T.

Friends, we are ten minutes into the episode. It's dinner time and Mark Snow is really testing out his talents that will lead him to the X-Files.

Jennifer still wants to leave (she's given up her coat) but Jonathan is really excited to be in this crazy house.

The butler brings in the dinner under a big dome.

There's Fred, head on a platter.

It's a big joke.

Other than his wife, nobody else is amused.

Michael asked how he arranged the "effects" in the parlor and Fred is like "what effects".

>insert favorite quote with jennifer looking not-at-all-amused

Fred tells them he's sending them on a treasure hunt. They're going to search for the hidden Greely treasure.

The butler is listening intently from the next room.

They can't eat until after the search

Jonathan is absolutely TICKLED.

When Greely died, he bought his fiancee a ton of jewels. So they're all going to search for them.

The searchers will look in teams, but they cannot team up with the person they came with.

Jennifer REALLY wants to leave. "Party pooper?" You're damn right.

Jonathan searches with psychic lady and in the first room, she sort of slips into a trance. "No use in both of us sitting here and vibrating together."

Jonathan is finally like "the fuck is happening here" so he continues his search alone.

Jennifer is searching with the pastor. She wants to search the master bedroom because she thinks he'd want to keep the jewels close - being close to the woman he loves.

The pastor guy thinks she's up in her feelings and being too emotional about the search.

Amanda is searching with Michael and he's bored. He thinks Fred is just playing with them.

while sitting and talking, Michael touches something or Amanda touches something and the wall spins. The chair she was sitting in reappears and she's gone.

Gladys is in the wine cellar drinking straight from the bottle.

Jennifer and the pastor find the psychic who is still in her trance.

Jennifer finds a lump in the master bedroom mattress and she needs a knife. Michael just happens to show up with one.

Instead, they find a drug kit. Master Greely was a junkie.

Jennifer finds a shiny in the tiger's head and she plucks it out.

The reverend pulls out a gun. He's been looking for the treasure for years. Jennifer hands over the giant diamond because hey, she could buy one if she wanted to.

Anyway, Jonathan hears the guy telling her to get into the closet and he races off looking for her.

The reverend pulls a lever, a trap door open and whoosh there goes jennifer. So when Jonathan makes it to the master bedroom, all he finds is the vibrating psychic.

Jonathan hears Jennifer in the walls and he searches for (and finds) the magic coat hook - but the door closes behind him. So all three of them are stuck in the walls together. Lookit the little scooby gang!

The follow the passage and climb out of a wardrobe in another room.

The reverend has gone to his car so they go out chasing him...and find his dead ass. That's what he gets for being a creeper.

Someone is trying to steal the Harts car - it's Michael and Gladys - they want to leave to get the police. Michael's keys are missing and the Benz won't start. The car phone has been yanked out and something in the car's engine has been cut.

Everyone starts bickering - Jonathan tells Michael he doesn't like his attitude. LOL

Back in the house, the phone isn't working.

"The phones are out and the cars are dead." Not to mention Reverend Tyson.

Jonathan takes over and when Michael belligerently asks who put him in charge Jonathan actually says out loud to a room full of adults "MY WIFE."

Jonathan goes in the kitchen with the butler to check the phone, gets a dial tone...and the butler smacks him in the head!

Everyone is a bad guy here, she thinks, as the butler stuffs Jonathan into a dumbwaiter, sends it up, and stops it between floors.

the butler finds the rest of the group bickering and kindly tells them to STFU, pulls a gun and makes everyone empty their pockets and handbags.

anyone else getting the impression he might not be such a good guy?

jonathan wakes up in the dumbwaiter, a bit confused

The butler tells everyone he wants the thing the reverend had, that someone killed for, that he might even kill for.

You mean lurch didn't kill the reverend?

the butler actually looks a little offended. If he'd killed the reverend, he wouldn't still be looking for the treasure!

jonathan kicks his way out of the dumbwaiter, as you do, and ends up back in the room with the psychic, who is finally awake.

they go downstairs to find the butler holding everyone up and he tries to sneak down

"Oh i know that trick. Looking over my shoulder as if there's somebody behind me." LOL Jonathan knocks him down and grabs the gun.

Jennifer points to the ice - there's a big shiny in there!

Jonathan says it's glass, not a diamond.

Fred finally admits that he hid fake jewels all over the house and people found it, and were going to keep it. but someone had to go and make it serious.

The butler talks about how he and master greely "played". They would take turns hiding the chest of jewels. (that's not weird)

The master hid it just before he died and the butler hasn't been able to find it since.

He apologizes for hitting Jonathan over the head and the group takes a shovel out to the cemetery, the logical next step.

they start a'diggin' it's a very long sequence of digging with everyone looking at each other suspiciously.

Less than 6 feet down, they find the casket.

She's so pretty.

"Hmm, the family plot thickens," Jennifer says.

We find the jewels and blue-suited Michael pulls out a gun. He killed the reverend and he's taking the jewels.

Jonathan doesn't remember where he knew this guy - the firing range at the sunset country club. Jonathan shot against him.

"I don't like being second best." Oh jonathan you're never second best. Jennifer does what she does best - she swung that purse at Michael and knocked the jewels out of his hand. the chase is on!

Simon collected the box and gave it to Jonathan, to see that it was properly taken care of.

"You know you were really gallant." You think so? I guess I was, wasn't I.

So the Harts go back home. Max and Freeway are in front of the TV sleeping. It's just static - remember those days?

The Harts knock and wake him up and he lets them in.

They decide they're going to stay in bed all day the next day and Max is all "heh yeah."

And then he asks if anything weird happened at the party. The kids start talking in Transylvanian accents and...

what idiots. I love them, your honor.

[jeeperso]

D&D Quotes Without context

Miscellaneous Edition, for those quotable lines from between sessions

"All I wanna do, is fork a giant woman! A giant woman!" "Jonni, I'm pretty sure she is some type of undead, probably a vampire. Are you sure that is a good idea?" "If I don’t get turned into a blueberry it won’t be my worst date." "Okay, but if you have to defend yourself just don't burn the place down for once." "Oh, Nyx. Sweet summer child. I never make promises we both know I won’t even try to keep." "Jonni, if I wake up to my bed surrounded in flames again I'm short-sheeting your next bed every night for at least a month." "I know you're trying to score here, but Lady Dimitrescu's daughters are literally vampires AND bugs. I can overlook one, but as a Paladin, it is my sacred duty to burn this place to the ground and stir the ashes."

"We don't let Marshall make breakfast anymore." "Those waffles are well-fortified." "I'm going to be charitable and call it hardtack." "We can use these waffles as melee weapons." "Well if we need to deflect siege engines they'll be good to have." "This is still carbon based and digestible by human systems without any poisons." "I can't serve this. It'll cause ... death." "Marshal we've been over this. This Pizza has 10% less of a lethal amount of grease." "Plus they signed the waivers when they bought a ticket. It's fine." "And don't forget to push the Cakeon." "Cakeon being slices of cake wrapped in bacon." "The special sauce is a mixture of mayonnaise, ketchup, mustard, ranch, horseradish, cheddar cheese, sour cream, and anything unfortunate enough to fall into the mixing vat."

"You do have a copy of the legal code I requested in my letter? As landed gentry you should actually have legal avenues to... I'm sorry did you say Burning child?"

"First I'm going to nail a crossbow bolt through your heart. Then I'm going to mount your balls to walls on opposite sides of this chamber." "I need Three Barrels of Butter" "Are you serious? Those Claws could crush an elephant in full plate!" "You're Right!" *Turns to first person* "We might need more than three barrels of butter."

"So Ioun is the patron of poor college kids. that scans "

"its hardtack or a mug of molten cheese-fried... something in a woven mug of bacon. your choice."

"Welp, all this coke ain't gonna snort itself..."

"Right hand me that dress and the bail money. I'll get Jonni." OOC: Well I mean they allow men in the city. Its just no men live in the city. "I stand by my statement. I'm allowed to look pretty every now and then." OOC: And dragons are the most unprejudiced lovers of anyone after bards.

OOC: Well I mean come on, its Ravenloft: saying a place is of death and madness is like making the observation the day ends in y. "Going out. Getting laid." "Jonni, she’s a werewolf." "Going out, forking a werewolf." OOC: Well Lycanthropy isn't usually sexually transmitted. Its just that Mercedes is a biter. OOC: ...I don't have an appropriate response to that.

"You seriously think I’d turn on my friends for a pile of gold?!?" "sigh I’ll show you my tits. "Hot damn, let’s get these murders done!" "No, Jonni, stay good. Besides, there are plenty of other girls who will do that without asking you to murder us." "Hmmmm… this is the moral quandary of my life…" "I’ll give you five bucks." "Scales tipped!" "Phew, I thought I was going to have to cover her next trip to the topless bar." "No, no, I have the bail money right here."

Nyx: So what’s the inside of Jonni’s head like? Edmund (with thousand yard stare): Imagine every ladies only smut magazine you’ve ever heard of going on forever into infinity while everything is on fire. Food was good though.

"It’s cool. They stole it." "And you know this how?" "Magic." “90% of Ravenloft deaths are mysterious vanishings.” "Why does everything come out covered in glitter and … is that …" "Lube. I’ve got a few theories." "Please don’t share them."

OOC: This is a plan that ends with Strahd having fewer brides, his castle is in flames, and he’s lost his cape.

OOC: Our team consists of a horny pyromancer, a gnome who can fillete you in five seconds, an HP lovecraft protagonist with actual magic backing them up, a literal slab of iron with a face, and a guy with a "I went to the eternal city of Ryleth and all I got was PTSD and this lousy T shirt". Gorbash smashing his shield into their face: "Have! You! Considered! Therapy!" OOC: Good news is you guys will no longer be the most conspicuous guys at the masquerade now. Jonni: Challenge accepted! "Nyx, the bounty on stealing his fake mustache is still on."

"Vanilla is the king of flavors. What does it say about society where vanilla is considered just 'regular'?" "That they have a lot of vanilla." Lash: "Don’t you want wishes?" Jonni: "Do I need wishes to get to see you naked?" Lash: "No?" Jonni: "Fuck ‘em." Vesh: "Oh dammit its my arranged fiance." Pit Fiend: "Milady." Vesh: "An extra wish to whoever punches this douchecanoe in the nards." Jonni: "I wish…for Bigby’s clenched fist of nard punching."

Soth: "Oh, gods, why am I on fire and why is Immigrant Song playing?" Jonni: "Take a guess." Hazlik: "Okay, so its a partridge, stuffed inside a chicken, stuffed inside a duck, stuffed inside a turkey, and the whole thing is fried on a stick. Congratulations, that's the most horrible thing I have ever seen, and I once crossbred an elephant and an owl." "I give him the 'itis, and we run like we stole something." OOC: ...weirdly Curse of Strahd has stats for Strahd zombies but not Strahd Skeletons. Or Strahd's skeletal Steed. Strahd once went to a branding seminar hosted by Bane and it changed his life.

"Are we on a high enough floor that if I throw him through the window he'll be killed by the fall?" "Oh, but when I say stuff like that it’s all 'Jonni, murder is wrong.'" "When they say pick your battles they don't mean to pick all of them. That's too many battles Jonni. Put some back." OOC: He's technically already got a symbiote. OOC: They can get married. Gorbash: "I'm increasing the rent." Venom: "Can I keep the pool table?" Gorbash: "I'm not a monster." Giant Brain: "Jonni… I have summoned you here for… WHY AM I ALREADY ON FIRE! PUT ME OUT! PUT ME OUT!"

"Hello We're the party-crashers. This is Jonni, she's here to steal your women and burn your shit down. That's Nyx, she's going to repatriate certain items from the premise. Marshal over there, is here to studiously ignore our shenanigans. This is the New Guy. He seems pretty chill. I'm Gorbash... and I have been distracting you."

"Will you walk into my parlour?" said a spider to a fly. Jonni: "Hold up. Trying to sex a spider." Nyx: (throws her hands up) And then Jonni wakes up with a spider venom hangover webbed to a wall waiting to be eaten. Jonni: "Eh, I’ve had worse one night stands. I’m not a fucking blueberry." OOC 1: Hey, where does your weed elf grow [her] crops? OOC 2: She probably just grows them in the room she hasn’t paid rent on. OOC 3: Because I was also considering a circle of spores druid tortle. OOC 2: We could be partners! We could turn this into road to el dorado staring Cheech and Chong. OOC: Wait, I just realized five people are hanging out in a pirate bar, and none of us are rogues. We are gonna need someone to get thieves tools. OOC: We have a barbarian with a big stick.

"Are we Foxhound now? Blunderbuss Octopus." OOC1: You want to put the stoner in charge of food. OOC2: Eyup. OOC1: I see no way this can go wrong! OOC3: We need the four basic food groups. Beans, Bacon, Whisky, and Lard. “We pray to Almighty Darkseid! Give us a sign! Thumbs up, for the triumph of the human spirit! Thumbs down to begin the everlasting reign of darkness!” “Where did you find this guy?” “Me? I thought you hired him.” OOC: Yup, nature, arcana, history, investigation and religon at +6. MJ got baked and watched the Discovery Orb a lot. Tordek: "But we have a cleric, Jozan, over there." Strahd: *sigh* Snaps fingers, and suddenly one of Strahd's brides sucks Jozan out the window, cue screaming. "Oh look, you suddenly have an opening, how fortunate." Tordek: "We also have a druid...." Vadania: "SHUT UP, TORDEK!" Edmund: "I think the first order of business may be to discuss your Human Resources strategy..." Strahd: "I have a guy for that too."

"When someone as smart as him talks with himself, it's not crazy...They call it monologing." "I thought it was soliloquy?" "No, soliloquy is when you're talk at someone else when your talking to yourself." "Most people would run from a demon, you run towards it to study it." Professor: "THIS IS ABSOLUTELY FASCINATING! A FROGHEMOTH, AND RIGHT UP CLOSE, IT WILL BE AMAZING TO SEE THIS PERFECT KILLING MACHINE IN ACTION." OOC: Also note the Professor is Lawful Good, Archie is Chaotic Good, so collectively they balance out to Neutral good. OOC: That's good. "The incinerations will continue until morale improves!" “You never incinerate the women!” “Because I’m fucking them!” “I… was not expecting you to be so honest about that…”

"You got what you wanted....but you lost what you had...." "Yes, I'm familiar with how capitalism works."

OOC: Dragons are like, “That’s Krandor the shiney. He only fucks other dragons. Weirdo.”

Gorbash: "D'awww, so tiny... perfect size... FOR PUNTING!" *boots tiny mind-flayer into the horizon*

"Dracula hasn't been spotted in almost recently. Whats he gonna do, destroy all we know and love like he definitely can?" "... my god you people are too stupid to live." "What are you doing in my house?" Gorbash: "...well Edmund has been reading your books, I've been sorting through your armory, Nyx and Irost has been going through your other shinies, Marshal has been cleaving anything monstrous that gets too close, and Jonni has been lighting things on fire to stave off boredom." Gorbash: "Okay Marshal, Jonni. Rock, paper, scissors over who gets [to kill] the bishop."

Jonni: "Did you really think this would make up for what you did?" Nima: "I… killed everyone you grew up with." Jonni: "Yeah, and I’m still not forgiving you for what you did to Eddie." Nima: "I am missing some key context here…" Nima: "Also I committed identity theft on you by having my new undead army tell everyone you are running the show." Jonni: "Oh, no. You’ve fooled the boar tribe. Who still haven’t figured out shitting in a hole." Nima: "Yeah I noticed that. I ruined two pairs of shoes attacking their camps."

[randomshipperhere]

Reasons why you should love Darkiplier instead of the other egos from the Heist:

I know. It's blasphemous to say this when Yancy literally exists

But

I want you to understand why I love him so much.

Among all the other egos that have appeared in the Heist, he was the only one that didn't try to kill you.

Captain Magnum killed us in 2 out of 3 of his damned endings. We died by separating from fucking Illinois (not intentional but it still counts). There's Yancy who fucking dance kicked us to death. Don't even get me started about Wilford and his (really pretty) gun. That reminded me of...

Dark has been really good to us by doing none of those and just resorting to really mean words

Dark has been an absolute gentleman all the way through. Sure he had minor hiccups along the 2 minutes of screen time he had but he pulled through and gave us a wonderful experience.

The Cap'n... The look he gives you is creepy at times! sure, he may possibly have good intensions but he gives off too many red flags. Illinois is the guy who you would immediately say yes to if he asked you for a second date and he'd just say "jk" leaving your broken heart behind and Wilford is still not over his damned ex. Would not recommend dating a guy like that.

Dark smiles a lot more and it cures depression. He even checks you out (Split Up: 2:16-2:17) and that's an absolute win in my book.

For someone who doesn't like what we were doing btw (even when we were just kinda watching him monologue) He sure as hell gave us reasons to do something and that is stare and cry over everything he says and does because at the end of the day, it was all fan service.

Instead of leaving us all sad (Yancy, Illinois) or confusedly laughing (Magnum, Wilford), this entity had the balls to tell us about the codes which lead us early watchers to a beautiful treasure in his ending. One that involved him again. So yes, we were still confused and freaking out but the pay off was worth it.

The viewer/us have a shared past, an established relationship with Dark, maybe even a close one at that. I like that because he seems less of a stranger and more like a long time friend that we can (maybe) cling onto in this very bizarre and large world filled with choices.

Have I mentioned how much fan service he gave us? No? Then we can all start when we saw him in the white suit. His beautiful smiles and grins. His dialogue which acknowledges us and our bullshit. His quotable and memeable lines. The way he carried himself on the damned desk. There's so much he did that warms my heart. 10/10 would give him my body again.

What a drama queen. How extra is he that he had to be the last ending while the true good end and the interview were really random numbers.

In typical Damien fashion, he still doesn't know what the fuck is going on and relates with you about it. Adorable

After all this time, he still doesn't lie to you and that is commitment right there

God, I wish I could just stand and look pretty and intimidating at the same time like Dark.

Even if I didn't persuade you. I hope y'all understand why I love Dark so much in the Heist despite his short appearance.

[a-skirmish-of-wit-and-lit]

Book Review: If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio

Friends, lovers, villains—GATHER 'ROUND! There may be something rotten at Dellecher but I assure you there is absolutely nothing rotten about this book. Nothing!

I mean, listen, you might as well dump Shakespeare’s box of oxymorons out onto the floor before you as you read because otherwise you’re going to be blindly tripping over them all story long, crunching them beneath your kneecaps, trying to reconstruct the pieces. You’ll be skating between them in madness, in sorrow, in confusion, until you wring them out flat and thin. Until you drain them of all meaning.

"Why must I pay attention to oxymoron?" you ask, oh so humbly."Why? Why? Why?" says the sweet summer child in earnest, begging me to clarify.

The answer is simple: so you can latch onto the labyrinthine tragedy you’ll be experiencing with these (seven) poor Shakespearean fools.

Talk about sweet pangs! (Because there are many.)

Take a wide swing at brawling love! (I promise, you won’t be ready.)

Spit out the blood, feel the purpling bruise of all that loving hate! (It splinters the water of the lake like a bomb and suddenly it’s all acid between this tight-knit clique of friends. Raining, raining, raining.)

Fill your goblet to the brim and drink up because tragedy is afoot everywhere in this plot and with these characters. Like a train, it barrels at you, screeching, with a capital “T”; and like a ghost, it’s the thing that haunts, clings, its breath colder than the knife that’s poised on the skin of your throat as you try to swallow down the overwhelmed swell of hell you’re feeling. (Also, no, nothing will prepare you for that ending. It’s brutal as well as shocking. Far too cruel to be kind with an added element of beseeching.)

POINT BLANK: This book destroyed me.

I think...I think I’m deader than Richard? In fact, I may have decomposed into an emoji. ☠️

*R.I.P. me*

.

.

.

Now that I've had a few days to let this book sink in, percolate a bit, here's the thing: I can't pinpoint exactly what made it so fucking unputdownable??? I just--

Was it all the dark academia vibes? The quotable pretentiousness? The character-driven progression of events? The homoerotic subtext that undercut nearly every monologue certain characters expressed?

Or could it have been the Shakespearean theatrics mixed with all the secrets, and rivalry, and morally questionable intrigue, and unreciprocated somethings and guilt? All of that indelible longing that leaves you slowly d y i n g inside because you desire a non-tragic ending even though you know (in the recesses of your soul) that this is Shakespeare at its bloody darkest, at its most twisted and fractured and wrenching, so no way in hell would that be happening. Sure doesn't keep you from hoping and wishing for it, though!

So maybe it was all of that? Everything. The whole damn enchilada, you know...together?

I HAVE NO CLUE, FOLKS. And as much as I hate to channel Jon Snow here, I've got to say it: I truly do know nothing!

Whether it was one particular element or the sum of the whole that made this book an Experience™️, I don't care, because whatever it was worked for me. I was vested. Probed. Attached. Appalled. Devastated. The story itself ticked many of my "wildly entertained" boxes in a manner that was both familiar and unique, anticipated yet also surprising, so I cannot recommend If We Were Villains enough.

The only caveat I can come up with is that parting from these characters is bound to cause you such sweet sorrow. It did for me, at any rate! *cue the waterworks*

"But that is how a tragedy like ours or King Lear breaks your heart—by making you believe that the ending might still be happy, until the very last minute."

4/5 stars

**Follow me on Goodreads

[thoughtfulfangirling]

I’m just starting The Picture of Dorian Gray, and I’ll admit, I’ve never really known much about it besides the pop culture ‘see painting of self and die.’ I’d never been familiar with Basil or Lord Henry, the two characters in the scene I’ve been in so far, or really anything else of the story. Just Dorian Gray and the painting of himself he can’t look at. 

And I’m sure on some level I went into this conscious of it being written by Oscar Wild, who was certainly some brand of mlm, but it wasn’t on the forefront of my mind given that not only am I sure he couldn’t exactly write about that incredibly freely, it seemed unlikely something as popular as The Picture of Dorian Gray would be particularly queer. But uh... those impressions are getting shattered quickly. 

The idea of ‘too much of myself in the painting’ of another man is super gay to begin with, but if there were any doubts, Dorian Gray becoming all his art definitely cements for me that the artist is gay af for Mr. Gray. 

But what struck me early and I’m definitely going to totally read into for the remainder of the book is the idea that to confront oneselves’s queerness in the times they lived in could very much feel like a kind of death and therefore how fitting it is the idea of the artists ‘putting too much of himself’ into a painting of a lover and the lover risking death upon confrontation of the image but immortality when ignoring it-it’s just too perfect. Especially alongside the quote Basil makes about the journal immortalizing artists. If they stay in good reputation, culture will immortalize you. But if one becomes a social pariah... obscurity could make one wither away. 

I’m quite positive none of these thoughts are new at all, but it’s new for me and quite fascinating, so I wanted to get my thoughts out. To be quite honest, Oscar Wilde is a name I’ve obviously heard a lot of over time, but nothing has particularly exposed me to his works or driven me to read them. This story in particular just feels like it’s paired with scary stories in popular culture, which is what made me seek it out as October nears. But damn I think I may have been missing out. I am kind of actually regretting it a little bit to be listening on audio (except that I really like this narrator and it’s perfect for the vibe I’m going for so I’m not going to move to text) because there’s so much quotable content!! 

Anyway, I should stop rambling now. 

[sebastbu]

My Top 40 Movies of the Decade

***just my opinion***this list is not set in stone either***

1. 12 Years A Slave (2013)

What Steve McQueen has managed to do with this movie in nothing short of the best thing art is capable of. He takes the horror of humanity and turns it into a heart shattering tale of the best of humanity. A film that could have sunk easily among the brutality it contains, instead soars with Solomon’s survival. It is one of the most life-affirming, uplifting works of art I’ve ever seen. It makes you cry, it makes you shout, it makes you cheer, it makes you breathless. In short, all the things movies are best at. Not just a definitive movie, but a definitive work of art.

2. The Act of Killing (2012)

This has my vote for the best documentary film of all time. What begins as a transfixing profile of the mass murders responsible for the 1965 Indonesian genocide quickly transforms into a Brechtian nightmare as director Joshua Oppenheimer somehow convinces these men to stage scenes for a fake movie reenacting their crimes. As the film progresses you can hardly believe what you’re witnessing. Horrifying, yet you can’t look away. Oppenheimer holds your attention for every second. What’s captured for film here is truly unique, ground-breaking, soul shaking. A statement about the banality of evil as profound as Ardent’s essays. 

3. The Tree of Life (2011)

Malick has reached his final form here. An organic art form, pure cinema, visual poetry, whatever you want to call it. Nothing but a movie could be this. The images he crafts here are as close to a religious experience as I’ve ever had watching a movie, and probably ever will. In exploring childhood memories, Malick’s style perfectly matches his subject manner. He use of ellipsis and fluidity mirrors the way memories flash through our heads. It is as if we are witnessing memory directly, unfiltered. This movie will move you in ways you didn’t know a movie could. 

4. The Social Network (2010)

That Facebook movie? Hell yeah that facebook movie. What Fincher and Sorkin have managed to do is take what could be a standard biopic, or dull tech movie, and made it into an epic tale of betrayal, greed, friendship, coming of age, and identity. Ross and Reznor’s score pulses, as does the dialogue. This movie starts the instant you press play and it doesn’t let you catch your breath for one second until the very end. Endlessly quotable, perfected acted. A masterclass.

5. The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014)

What can I say about this movie? Every shot is perfect. Every joke, beat, pan, zoom. Well, I guess I’ll say this. This movie disarms with its charm, its facade. But at its heart is a wrenching tale of loss, nostalgia, and the fleeting nature of everything, especially those we love. A jewel of a film. Anderson makes sure you’re cozy and then pulls the rug out from under you, and suddenly you’re crying. 

6. The Master (2012)

Career best performances from Joaquin Phoenix and Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Lushly shot. Greenwood delivers another ground breaking score. PTA has made an aimless film about aimless characters that nevertheless is riveting. At the end, you may not know exactly how far you’ve progressed, but you’re sure glad you went on the journey. 

7. Drive (2011)

This is not an action movie. It’s a love story. The now famous dream pop soundtrack. Ryan Gosling doing so much with so little. Refn’s breathtaking cinematography. Diluted dreams. Crushed hopes. Silent gazes, filled with more emotion than dialogue could ever render.

8. The Revenant (2015)

An achievement of pure cinematic insanity. I still have no idea how they got some of these shots. A brutal, thrilling story of survival among nature’s cruelty. Inarritu’s camera is like magic in this film, uncovering the previously thought not possible. 

9. La La Land (2016)

A reinvention of a genre that somehow manages to have its cake and eat it too: a nostalgia trip that also subverts expectations. Right up there next to Singin’ in the Rain, in my book at least. How on earth was that only Chazelle’s second ever movie? 

10. The Lighthouse (2019)

TELL ME YE FOND O ME LOBSTER! WHYD YA SPILL YOUR BEANS? IF I HAD A STEAK ID FUCK IT. That about sums it up.

11. Parasite (2019)

Bong Joon Ho has made a beautifully twisted psychological thriller that is also hilarious, touching, and a lasting commentary on class and social mobility. 

12. The Florida Project (2017)

Baker’s approach of setting this story from the viewpoint of children makes it a glorious romp through a world of innocence as well as tragedy, and also makes it all the more emotionally impactful.

13. Inside Llewyn Davis (2013)

It’s all about the cat. Alongside the Coen’s mastery of dialogue and the side character, as well as the beautiful folk music, this film acts as a deeply moving portrayal of depression, and how sometimes we are our own worst enemy. 

14. Moonlight (2016)

Expertly crafted. Expertly acted. Expertly shot. A gorgeously rendered coming of age story. I’m not really the person who should speak of its importance. I’ll just say: it is. Very. A movie that will stun you. 

15. Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)

Practical! Effects! Yeah, that really is Tom Hardy swinging fifty feet off the ground on a pole as explosions go off behind him. A feminist, post-apocalypse, road trip movie brought to you by the director of Happy Feet and Babe 2. What more could you want?

16. Moonrise Kingdom (2012)

A wonderful celebration of childhood and of fantasy. Anderson crafts a world you want to return to again and again. Anyone else get jump scared when they realized Lucas Hedges was in this??? 

17. Arrival (2016)

I love Denis Villeneuve’s films for so many reasons. The most important I think is that he balances entertainment and artistic depth so well. Like all great scifi Arrival is not really about aliens, it’s about us. 

18. Inception (2010)

A film that runs on all cyclinders. Smart, funny, jaw dropping, just plain fun. Nolan manages to build some surprisingly moving moments as well. 

19. Gone Girl (2014)

Ah Fincher and his twists. Rosemund Pike at the top of her game. Ross and Reznor return with another gripping score. Around the narrative, Fincher creates a fascinating portrayal of the media and marriage, one with endless twists and turns. You never quite know where it’s headed.

20. Sicario (2015)

A second thing I love about Dennis Villeneuve: he does point of view characters better than anyone else. 

21. Enemy (2014)

A third thing I love about Dennis Villeneuve: he plays with genre and narrative structure unlike anyone else working right now.

22. Incendies (2010)

A fourth thing I love about Denis Villeneuve: he’s given us some of the best female lead characters this decade.

23. Blade Runner 2049 (2017)

A fifth thing I love about Denis Villeneuve: he somehow managed make a Blade Runner sequel work. Here’s hoping for Dune. 

24. The Look of Silence (2014)

The companion film of The Act of Killing. Oppenheimer does it again, this time focusing more on the victims of the genocide. Groundbreaking cinema.

25. Shame (2011)

Slow clap for Michael Fassbender. Slow clap for Carey Mulligan. Slow clap for Steven Mcqueen.

26. Hereditary (2018)

Using horror to examine mental illness and family trauma. Aster has made a new classic of genre, taking it to new heights.

27. Under The Skin (2014)

How to make a movie about an alien descended onto earth in order to capture men and engulf them in her weird black room of goo? Make a very alienation movie. Chilling. Otherworldly. Haunting. 

28. Son of Saul (2015)

In making any holocaust film there’s always the risk of feeling exploitative. Nemes’s radical camera work, focusing almost entirely on the main character’s face in close up leaves this concern in the dust. The horrors enter only at the corners of the frame, while humanity is firmly centered the whole time. An important film everyone should see. 

29. Whiplash (2014)

As visceral and heart pounding as the solos performed, the film as a whole is a perfectly made portrait of a obsession. 

30. Amour (2012)

Haneke takes his unforgiving approach and lays bare a topic with incredible emotional depth. The result is deeply moving without ever being sentimental. I’m hard pressed to find another film about old age that is this poignant. 

31. Birdman (2014)

A whirlwind of a film. A high wire act. The long takes turn it into something more akin to a play. A pretty damn good one at that. 

32. Once Upon A Time In Anatolia (2011)

What’s Chekhov doing in the 21st Century? He’s in Turkey. He name is Nuri Ceylan. 

33. The Favourite (2018)

Lanthimos turns down his style and turns up his humor. The result is the best of both worlds: a dark, twisted tale of power and a hilarious parody of monarchy and British costume drama. 

34. Phantom Thread (2018)

PTA delivers again. What could easily have been another tired tale of the obsessive artist and the woman behind him is instead a fairy tale-ish ensnaring of two people’s ineffable pull towards each other. 

35. A Hidden Life (2019)

Still fresh in my mind. Malick’s late style is given the backbone it needed in the form of a relevant tale of resistance and struggle. A meditative, prayer-like film about the power of belief. 

36. Prisoners (2013)

A sixth thing I love about Denis Villeneuve: his movies have layers, but only if you look. Otherwise, the ride is pretty great as well. 

37. Manchester By The Sea (2016)

A masterclass in doing less with more. 

38. Foxcatcher (2014)

Bennett Miller does biopics unlike anyone else. That is to say, maybe better than anyone else working today. 

39. The Witch (2015)

Eggers’s first foray into historical New England horror. A chilling commentary on the evils of puritanism.

40. The Kid With A Bike (2011)

The Dardenne brothers managed to make a gut-wrenching tale of childhood, masculinity, abandonment, the power of empathy, belonging, and redemption in 84 minutes. Here’s a suggestion. Watch this movie. Then watch it again. A better use of the same amount of time it takes to sit through The Irishman. Oh wait, no you still have 30 minutes left over. 

[pizzabookbuying]

10 comfort movies & wildcard

I got tagged by @natsugia and honestly feel so attacked rn because apparently I’m incapable of summoning any works of fiction to mind that aren’t episodes of Gilmore girls here’s my very very labored attempt I guess (these probably aren’t in any specific order except in which they came to mind) I should probably say spoilers because I don’t know when to stop talking

1. Twilight? The first one? Maybe?

I was very late to the twilight hype and only started reading/watching the series a few years ago. HOWEVER dear lord the movies are so bad they’re good. The amount of times I’ll be talking to someone and have to fight the urge to not quote these movies are rediculous. I meAn come oN “hold on tight spider monkey” ?!! “SAY IT” “...a vAmpire” iconic. Truly iconic. I’ve definitely seen the first one the most and I like the tone the best, it’s got weird vibes and I like it. But also the shot spinning around Bella while she’s being emo because Edward left? Yes please. (Breaking Dawn part 2 is also hilarious, Dakota fanning yeeting a baby into the fire? Aro and his horrid laugh? “You nicknamed my baby after the Loch Ness monster?!!!”)

2. Zombieland

It’s a family favorite, what can I say. If I’m watching TV and it comes on I am legally obligated to finish the movie.

3. Princess Bride

Another movie I grew up watching and have yet to get tired of. It also doesnt help that sophomore year of high school I read the book and it just pulled me deeper into its thralls. It’s the perfect movie to put on when you’re sick so you can pretend you’re the kid whose brother was in boy meets world. (Also, it’s very very quotable)

4. The Hunger Games Series, particularly Catching Fire

This series is one of the very few exceptions to rule of “I don’t tend to watch things when they first come out because reasons” It was all aboard the hype train for me. And I loved every second. The second movie really feels like the pinnacle of the series to me, though. The first film’s costuming and art design feels a little tacky at times (looking at you weird training garb) but the second film mmm so good. The mockingjays had some weird tonal shifts and were missing the great costuming of the first two (it works from a story standpoint but still) Plus, it means the ensemble cast is at its best, the introduction of some truly spectacular characters and most of the main cast doesn’t die this time! Plus plus I just really really love the party scene at snow’s house. Ooh and the training part with peeta’s painting and Katniss’s doll lol.

5. Scooby Doo Spooky Island & Scooby Doo Monsters Unleashed

Listen. It’s a weird pick. I know it is. BUT I cannot emphasize how much I loved Scooby Doo growing up. I had the box sets for the original series and what’s new scooby doo. I loved it. So watching the movies just gives me the warm gooeys inside. They’re just so delightfully rediculous.

6. Pretty in Pink

Duckie. My boy deserved better.

7. Pride and Prejudice

I’m basic and love hands.

8. Pretty much any period drama tbh

Anna Karenina? Yep. Although, the feels may be too strong.

The duchess? Not as good but acceptable.

Marie Antoinette? Slightly questionable in historic accuracy but damn if those aesthetics don’t do it for you. It’s a very pretty movie.

9. Made of Honor

Is it an objectively good movie? No. It’s rather questionable at times and doesn’t have a great theme. But, it’s a mom movie. I sit down, I snuggle in, and it’s like im watching it for the first time as a middle schooler wedges between my mom and a bowl of popcorn. It’s something I can watch and feel annoyingly comforted by. (Plus it’s Derek! And Owen! Even though I hate Owen, he’s very nice here!)

10. To All the Boys I’ve loved before. I guess.

The movie has similar yet very different vibes to Gilmore girls. It has that sense of safeness and comfort that shots of the town gazebo have. It’s also based off a great book series. Although my view of the movies has been seriously damaged by the second movie (my ship was ruined! Ruined I say!) I’ve still watched the first about a thousand times. (And when I say the second movie was bad let me just explain two things, my favorite character got all of 10 minutes of screen time, was used as a plot device, and the director seemed to find it necessary to include a scene of the main character gliding down the hallway lip sincing to a very emo song while also making direct eye contact with the camera. I was horrified.)

So Wildcard. I don’t really know how wild I’m allowed to get here, mostly because I scroll through about #2 on other peoples lists and get bored and yeet out. But, idk maybe atonement? That perhaps doesn’t seem wild but it’s one of my favorite movies and yet I haven’t seen the entirety of it. I’ve seen clips, read the wiki, and cried because NO. It also includes James McAvoy and I’m just now realizing I didnt even mention the X-men movies, which I love. Whatever. This whole list has been a wildcard.

Time to Tag!! Except I have this paralysing fear of rejection so instead I’m just gonna say if you’ve somehow made it through that horrid list YAY you just got tagged! Unless, of course, you don’t want to, in which case, I’m not tagging you and you don’t have to feel weird about not continuing the chain. If you do end up doing this because I somehow inspired your list making feel free to mention me so I can scroll down to your #2 and get bored. I’ll still heart it though, I promise!

[aarontalksmusic-blog]

A Top 30 Horror Movies

This is Halloween! This is Halloween! There are a lot of awesome horror movies, but I picked just 30 that qualify as my favorites. 

#30 - The Conjuring

So this movie isn’t perfect. The last 20-30 minutes kinda turn into a mess as the demon gets more confrontational. But, the first 90 minutes are a near perfect slow build of tension and smart visual storytelling. All the actors do a good job, even the kids. This movie has insured I never play Hide and Clap.

#29 - Paranormal Activity 2

In my opinion superior to the (still pretty good) original, PA2 moves faster than its predecessor and uses the audience’s curiosity against them in interesting ways. You’re always looking to the edges of the screen for something or someone out of place, and as the movie progresses, that curiosity rattles the nerves more and more.

#28 - The Hills Have Eyes (2006)

One of the only modern horror remakes that improves and expands on the original. The Hills Have Eyes hit when I was a junior in high school. It is gleefully gorey and deranged. People die in awful ways, and the protagonist (seen above) spends most of the last half hour drenched in blood. It’s a lot of fun if you’re into that sort of thing.

#27 - Event Horizon

Space Horror is a hard genre to get right. Event Horizon knocks it out of the park by getting the slow build right. There are gruesome and bloody images from time to time, but the majority of the movie is built on tension and dread. Having Sam Neill and Laurence Fishburne leading the cast adds some dramatic weight to the proceedings.

#26 - The VVitch

The GOAT 17th Century rural horror movie. This movie gets real weird and leaves a lot up to the audience’s imagination. The less said about it the better if you haven’t seen it. But, even for the 2010s renaissance of horror, this one stands out.

#25 - Hereditary

This is a list of my favorite horror movies, not the scariest. If it were “scariest” this would be top 10, maybe top 5. The second half of this movie is some of the most uncomfortable and relentlessly horrifying storytelling I’ve ever seen. Across just two feature films, Director Ari Aster has proved himself a master of the horror genre. We’re all worse off for it.

#24 - Return of the Living Dead

The first movie on this list that is more funny than scary, Return of the Living Dead is laugh out loud hilarious at times. Somehow, it still manages to be a more effective zombie movie than most serious ones. Great punk rock soundtrack and highly quotable, this is great for people who scare a little too easily.

#23 - Friday the 13th Part 2

Basically improving on the original in every way, Friday the 13th Part 2 is iconic even without Jason’s hockey mask making an appearance. The killer instead keeps a lumpy bag over his head the whole time. The movie lets you know early on that its going to be ridiculous, when the Part 2 logo literally smashes through the Friday the 13th title card. Great representation of the slasher genre.

#22 - Suspiria (2018)

I’m a sucker for lore in movies, and Suspiria is full to the brim with details that expand on the world. Led by great performances from Tilda Swinton and Dakota Johnson, the movie is highly intelligent and occasionally brutally violent. The fact that the director’s prior movie was “Call Me By Your Name” shows that he’s a talented filmmaker no matter the genre.

#21 - Halloween (1978)

Michael Myers is iconic. The music is iconic. Jamie Lee Curtis is an all-time great horror leading lady. Halloween is a must watch for horror genre fans. 

#20 - Get Out

This movie is so well written it won an Oscar. Get Out is both hilarious and brutally tense. The acting is awesome across the board. Who knew Jordan Peele would use his comedy talent to make a career in scary movies? 

#19 - Shaun of the Dead

A classic comedy filled with so many jokes that it takes about 3 watches to catch them all. Not scary in the least, but uniquely playful in the genre. Also made Simon Pegg a star. Nothing but greatness here.

#18 - The Descent

I’ll always remember my first watch of this movie. It slaps you in the face with trauma in the first 5 minutes. Then spends three quarters of an hour building tension and claustrophobia before suddenly becoming a solid monster feature. Though it fizzles a little at the end with some wtf moments, the first 3/4ths are very effecting.

#17 - Nightmare on Elm Street

Nightmare on Elm Street is just a cool as hell idea for a horror movie. It takes the occasional predictability of Halloween or Friday the 13th and flips it. The kills are inventive and visually interesting, the effects are very cool, and you get to see Johnny Depp get brutally murdered. win-win-win.

#16 - Saw

Saw came out at a perfect age for me. Seeing this movie at 16 was a great experience. Even as the sequels got worse and worse, the whodunnit nature of the original held up. People were literally drowning in gore by Saw 3, but this is a solid movie that knows when to tone things down. Great watch.

#15 - Evil Dead 2

By turns hilarious and unsettling, watching Evil Dead 2 allows the viewer to marvel at the special effects done on a shoestring budget. Bruce Campbell is an absurd and talented physical actor, and singlehandedly carries this movie into the hall of fame.

#14 - IT Chapter 1

Chopping the 1,000 page Stephen King book in half allowed the first half of the IT saga to thrive. Bill Skarsgard is a fantastic Pennywise, and the child actors all do well. A slightly repetitive series of scares keeps this one from perfection (and would be the downfall of Part 2), but its still an amazing peak of the genre.

#13 - Dawn of the Dead (2004)

Fast zombies. Zack Snyder directing before his head got too big. Hilarious musical cues. Apocalyptic imagery. This movie is one of the best of the zombie genre.

#12 - Fright Night (1985)

One of the most simply fun movies on this list, Fright Night is straight out of the mid 80s. It never takes itself too seriously, but it still has some good scares sprinkled in. An essential vampire movie, and the remake with Colin Farrell wasn’t half bad either.

#11 - The Omen (1976)

One of my early favorites, The Omen is another lore filled film that gradually ramps up the twists until the dramatic finale. Probably one of the least scary films on my list, its built on Gregory Peck being a great actor and a few pretty messed up deaths.

#10 - An American Werewolf in London

Another favorite from childhood, this is the best the werewolf genre has to offer. Made by John Landis who also did Animal House and Blues Brothers, American Werewolf balances 80s level of gore with award winning special effects and clever music (every song featured has moon in the title).

#9 - It Follows

One of the newest (and most original) movies on the list, It Follows is one of a kind. It’s terrifying, has great cinematography and halfway through the movie you have absolutely no clue how it will end. Must see.

#8 - Midsommar

This is absolute newest film on the list, and one I’m anxious to rewatch. Midsommar sets itself apart by being 95% in broad daylight and providing a wealth of backstory to the “bad guys”. Also Florence Pugh shows that she is an amazingly skilled actress, particularly in the final 10 minutes.

#7 - The Exorcist

^That guy is scary. He’s also only in the movie for like 3 seconds. Obviously this is a classic. If you haven’t seen it and like horror at all, it will still amaze you, almost 50 years later. I would’ve loved to be a fly on the wall when it was in theaters watching people lose their minds. Still a masterpiece of the genre.

#6 - The Blair Witch Project

I watched The Blair Witch Project for the first time alone in my room at age...I believe 14. That was a mistake. While the mistakes of the hikers become a bit hilarious on multiple rewatches, the night scenes are still tense af. The last 15 minutes are uniquely terror-inducing. Everybody’s seen this one, but if you haven’t, maybe watch it with the lights on?

#5 - The Evil Dead (2013)

This movie is one of the most intense and relentless horror movies ever. Nail guns, rusty knives, a turkey carver, a chainsaw, a machete: people get literally ripped apart in this movie. But, here’s the thing, its really really fun to watch. You’ll be out of breath when its over, but still.

#4 - Cabin in the Woods

Cabin in the Woods isn’t THAT scary. It flirts with scary. It has some shocking and frightening moments But mostly its a shitload of fun that plays on every trope of the horror genre. It also has one of my favorite final moments of any film on this list.

#3 - The Thing

Underappreciated upon its release, The Thing has become the standard by which body horror is measured. Its delightfully paranoid and lets the audience sit and think as gruesome deaths pile up. 

#2 - Alien

One of the first movies to terrify me, Alien is one of the greatest horror movies ever made. The monster design is iconic. The kills and set pieces are one of a kind. It has a kick ass female heroine played by Sigourney Weaver. What more do you want?

and finally

#1 - The Shining

YEAHHHHHHH Here’s a brief list of iconic Shining scenes: - An elevator full of blood - The old woman in room 237 - All work and no play make Jack a dull boy - The snowy hedge maze - Here’s Johnny - Danny’s vision of the twins - The house of horrors finale featuring the man in bear costume featured above and of course - REDRUM This movie is a masterpiece, made by one of the greatest directors of all time, starring one of the greatest actors of all time and based on one of the scariest books by the defining horror author of our time. Its damn near perfect.

[stevenuniversallyreviews]

Episode 107: Mindful Education

“But it’s not, but it’s not, but it’s not, but it’s not, but it’s not.”

Here Comes a Thought is anything but a bad song. I can’t think of any songs I dislike from this show, but if I did, Here Comes a Thought wouldn’t be one of them. It’s a simple and moving ode to calming down, and Estelle and AJ Michalka elevate its message through their otherworldly voices.

But I do think it’s the most technically flawed song on Steven Universe. Which is a real bummer of a way to start this review, but I’m about to heap a ton of praise on this episode, and I don’t think the lyrical flaws ruin the song, let alone the overall story, so let’s just get my issues out of the way. If Mindful Education is about anything, it’s about confronting problems head-on!

Here Comes a Thought is a general song about a general problem, which I appreciate. I don’t need it to be specific to Connie’s dilemma, and in fact I think specificity would hurt the message. But my biggest gripe is that even though it speaks in broad strokes, none of the scenarios listed apply to Connie. “What someone said, and how it harmed you”? Connie wasn’t hurt by words. “Something you did that failed to be charming”? Connie wasn’t attempting to be charming. “Things that you said are suddenly swarming”? Connie didn’t say anything. We’re all the way to the refrain, and Garnet has yet to address the actual situation Connie is dealing with.

The closest we’ve got is “failed to be charming,” which again, implies that Connie was trying to impress someone rather than just going about her business and hurting someone by instinct. The phrasing is clumsy in a way Rebecca Sugar’s songs virtually never are: what I love about her lyrics is how natural and effortless they seem, which I’m certain comes from quite a bit of effort on her part. The sentence structure of “Something you did that failed to be charming” feels strained and unnatural, but the words must be said in this order for the rhyme and meter to work.

Which is doubly frustrating because the alarm/harm/charm series ends with swarm, which does not rhyme with the former three words in any dialect of English I know of. I’m not even a stickler for rhymes: for instance, “alarm me” and “charming” technically don’t rhyme either, but they sound similar enough that the pattern holds. But swarm uses an entirely different vowel than most other English words ending in -arm. I majored in linguistics and can get into serious weeds here with the International Phonetic Alphabet, but to make a long ramble shorter, the ‘w’ preceding the vowel alters it, which is why wart doesn’t rhyme with art and war doesn’t rhyme with bar and warn doesn’t rhyme with yarn and so on.

(This obviously doesn’t make Sugar a bad songwriter, any more than William Blake was a bad poet because he rhymed eye with symmetry in The Tyger. Nobody’s perfect, but that doesn’t mean nobody’s incredible.)

Anyway, I might be fine with this imperfect rhyme it if it was absolutely essential for the song, but the structure is so forced already to fit with this poor fourth rhyme that it sorta falls apart for me, especially because swarming comes at the moment it becomes clear that this song has said nothing about the issue Connie is personally dealing with.

Ugh. I’m losing sight. I’m losing touch. All these little things seem to matter so much that they confuse me. This song might lose me!

So yeah, I’m not insane enough to think that Here Comes a Thought was engineered to irk me just so the beautiful refrain can be a self-demonstrating affair in not letting small things like rhyme schemes get to me, but I’ll be damned if it doesn’t work. The song builds and builds and builds the stress by presenting bad situation after bad situation, and right when everything seems like it will fall apart, Garnet has the answer.

This is a highly quotable song and episode, so I had a lot of great lines to choose from for the header, but I don’t think anything matches the sheer relief that ironically comes from Garnet’s repeating a negative phrase. She usurps the power of “no” away from anxiety by chanting that no, nothing bad is going to happen. Her knowing smile on the last “but it’s not” seals the deal. She’s not just a teacher here, she’s a sage.

This is Estelle’s first full song on the show since Stronger Than You, and she pulls off subdued chill just as well as glorious anthem without losing an ounce of her commanding presence. But now she's fully matched by AJ Michalka, another professional singer that doubles as a voice actor. Unlike Estelle, I hadn’t listened to any of Michalka’s music before watching Steven Universe, so despite knowing she wa a singer, the sheer power of her pipes came out of nowhere for me.

I honestly don’t know what it is about Michalka’s voice, but I’m lousy at crying even when I really want to because it would make me feel better, and that voice doesn’t just choke me up. It makes me weep. The quavering vulnerability in “I’m losing touch” destroys me no matter how many times I listen to this song. Just writing about it makes me emotional. Michalka tells a story not just with her words, but the tone and levels of confidence of her voice, and the lesson is learned by harmonizing with the master herself. On the one hand, I’m glad her voice’s heartbreaking purity isn’t diluted by constant performances, but on the other, I’m not sure it’s possible for something so intense to be diluted. Add in the prominent harp, a fusion of the plucking from Steven’s ukulele and the gravitas from Connie’s violin, and I’m done for.

(My tendency to cry whenever Michalka sings might have to do with how well she’s primed on both occasions in the series: Estelle is a hell of a lead-in, while Escapism is introduced by a stirring callback to Greg’s guitar from Lion 3. But it’d be stupid not to credit the source, considering she’s the one that gets the waterworks going and she’s been spectacular at voicing Stevonnie from the start. It’s a damn shame Catra doesn’t get a song in She-Ra, but at least Michalka does a cover of the theme song.)

I haven’t even talked about the animation from Takafumi Hori, who gives a unique but familiar flair to the mindscape of Garnet and Stevonnie and their components. The facial animations and body language are given extra room to breathe, and the use of butterflies as symbols of fluttering stresses (butterflies in your brain are so much worse than butterflies in your stomach) pays off huge when we see them explode from Connie’s backpack. The unspoken story of Ruby focusing too hard on a single problem while Sapphire is overwhelmed by possibilities works wonders, and the fact that Connie’s problems are initially hidden hints at Steven also hiding problems, seeing as the kids are mirroring the Gems. Colin Howard and Jeff Liu would’ve been more than capable of crafting such a sequence, but bringing in a guest animator makes us pay special attention to this pivotal song.

Because yeah, this is an important song for Connie, but this is still Steven’s show, and it’s a huge song for Steven. In a brilliant development, it turns out his strangely normal behavior after the salvo of traumas at the end of Act II was intentionally strange, and Here Comes a Thought drags him kicking and screaming towards the true path to inner peace. You can’t, as he advises Connie right before Garnet steps in, “just try not to think about it.” The only way out is through, and it’s not gonna be easy.

Every fantastic aspect of Mindful Education benefits from fantastic pacing. Connie’s bad mood is established immediately, but so is Steven’s straining to be fun and upbeat. A series of questions pull us along: “What is Connie upset about?” becomes “How is Garnet going to help?” becomes “What is Steven upset about?” becomes “How is Connie going to help?” without missing a step. Both kids make us so worried, because Connie’s bad mood is out of nowhere, and Steven’s acceptance of his suffering is long overdue. Both sensations are heightened by the preceding episodes, as Steven has been acting way too okay with his mom being a killer, and we know Connie was enthusiastic about school in Buddy’s Book. So it’s such a relief to not only see their worries addressed, but to have an entire episode about addressing worries.

After three goofy episodes, Mindful Education transitions us into a more serious mood with a similarly goofy opening. Sure, Connie’s attitude is cause for concern, but we still get Garnet’s enthusiasm and sign-making skills, Stevonnie’s newfound ability to do a Yoshi-style flutter kick hover, and the most glorious fusion dance ever depicted on screen.

Here Comes a Thought is a showstopper about calm meditation, and while it obviously soothes Connie’s anxieties, it also quiets down the silliness without making a big deal of it: there isn’t a single gag in the episode during or after the song. This is a show that can and has pulled off humor during dramatic moments, but we go full sincerity mode for Connie and Steven working through their emotional turmoil, and considering how big of a turning point this is for Steven’s arc in particular, I appreciate the restraint.

It’s perfect for Steven to only realize he has a problem when Connie is so open about hers, because Connie has always been a catalyst for change, and Steven is more concerned about others than himself. It also serves for a checkpoint for their mutual character growth: we’re a long way from the open-to-a-fault Steven and pragmatic-to-a-fault Connie of Bubble Buddies, and their series-long balancing act continues to bring their attitudes closer together. This isn’t the last we’ll see of Sullen Connie, and it’s nice to see that Steven isn’t the only kid on the block who’s becoming more of a teen. 

Another sign of their growth is shown in the fluid action of Stevonnie’s training; even when they’re not on the top of their game, Steven and Connie’s developing physical skill is on full display as their fusion weaves about the battlefield. Stevonnie’s ambidexterity functions well as a signifier of which kid is in a healthier state: Steven’s shield is in their right hand in the first training session, while Connie’s sword takes its place in the second.

(Oh, and on the subject of subtle visual storytelling, don’t think we didn’t notice the damaged pink diamond floating above the Sky Arena.)

The first two acts of Mindful Education tell such a complete story about Connie that the appearance of a butterfly for Steven almost comes across as a twist: again, his terrible advice about bottling up emotions upon accidentally hurting people is a pretty big hint that he’s pushing down his feelings, but this is such a satisfactory episode already that its conclusion feels like a bonus. 

It’s harrowing for Steven to start working through how much horrible stuff has happened in such a short amount of time, but it’s oh so satisfying for us to finally see him process it. The transformation of Holo Pearl into Jeff (who I’m sure is named for Mr. Liu) was a neat way to show Connie’s guilt, but it’s complemented by a punch to the gut as Stevonnie impales an image of Bismuth instead of just getting thrown off by the illusion. And because Steven has let his problems pile up, the rest of his ghosts flood in. I love the inclusion of Eyeball, the foe that Steven logically should feel the least amount of guilt about (Bismuth was a friend, and Jasper refused help while blaming him, but Eyeball was an enemy actively trying to kill him). It shows that he really does care about everyone, and that the compounding problems only make the guilt worse: Bismuth and Jasper begin in their normal sizes, but Eyeball is massive in Stevonnie’s imagination. And then, as a horrible distortion of her theme heralds her arrival, we get the most important ghost in the series.

Obviously Steven isn’t able to deal with the Rose factor right now, but acknowledging that there’s a problem is the first and hardest step. And despite how talented Aivi and Surasshu are at enhancing the mood with music, there’s nothing like the stark silence that follows Rose’s theme to bring the impact home.

AJ Michalka once again shows off her talent for voicing Steven and Connie separately as Stevonnie has an internal conversation; it’s such a seamless interaction that it’s easy to forget that this scene shifts from one actor voicing these two characters to two different actors voicing the same two characters as Steven and Connie plummet to the ground. I mentioned in The Answer that my favorite Miyazaki movie is Castle in the Sky, so I’m thrilled to see another reference to two heroes falling hand in hand before slowing to a safe landing.

Our conclusion isn’t about Steven coming to terms with three failures in a row and a life-changing revelation. It’s about him realizing that it’s okay to admit that everything isn’t okay, and that he doesn’t have to put on a bald cap and be a ham to make everyone else more comfortable. This is something that friends can help with, but that he ultimately has to figure out for himself. Still, it’s beautiful that by working together, he and his best friend become strong in the real way.

But of course, they had help. I mentioned in Back to the Moon that our Big Three Crystal Gems each get an episode that acts as an epilogue to their Act II arcs, and it’s Garnet’s turn. Garnet begins Act II as a leader who’s quiet about being a fusion and who has a hard time understanding the anxieties of her less confident teammates. By the end, she transforms into a leader who’s more open and willing to share her own vulnerabilities, and a loud and proud fusion no matter whom she’s interacting with. Mindful Education leans in hard on her expertise in fusion, but just as importantly shows that she’s willing to coach others by revealing how Ruby and Sapphire work through struggles. Her growth is less overt than Amethyst and Pearl overcoming more obvious hurdles, but it’s still hard to imagine Garnet being this capable of helping Connie and Steven fifty episodes ago.

Garnet is also the source of two intriguing callbacks in the form of quoting past lines. The first is the wonderful “Hold the phone. Now give the phone to me,” which Steven tells Greg in The Message as a means of interrupting his song about Lapis Lazuli being a super mean riptide queen (sidenote: I’m sure Lapis would be flattered by Greg’s assessment). Garnet repeats this phrase right after Steven suggests that you can get used to not thinking about your guilt, and it’s a brilliant way of gently putting a stop to this bad idea.

The second is a pointed “that is to say” as she explains the importance of harmony within fusion. This is a common enough phrase, but it was so prominent in fellow sparring episode Sworn to the Sword that I can’t imagine it’s a coincidence. It connects Garnet to Pearl’s role as a teacher to both Steven and Connie; fortunately, this time the teacher is instilling a message of self-reflection instead of self-sacrifice.

I call these callbacks intriguing because Garnet herself wasn’t present for either scene containing the lines she’s quoting. And sure, this could just be standard screenplay magic without an in-universe explanation. But to me, it enhances the sense of Garnet as an all-knowing mentor, at least as far as this episode is concerned. Her wisdom is absolute, and it might be pretentious for a show to claim such certainty with its message, but Mindful Education has an outstanding message, so I’m all in.

But back to that ending for a second. It, like Here Comes a Thought, provides a calming answer to a scene of turmoil. It’s obviously a quicker moment of relief: just a glimpse of Stevonnie laughing, catching their breath, and reassuring Steven and Connie. However, like Here Comes a Thought, the episode keeps going. This time, in the form of the end credits. 

Since Bubbled, we’ve heard nothing but ambient waves as the credits roll, bereft of the comfort Love Like You has provided after nearly every prior episode. But now we begin the reprise, and this first segment is such an eerie departure from the norm that serenity once again takes a backseat.

With time, it’s revealed that this song is just more Love Like You. But in this period of uncertainty in Steven’s life, I deeply admire the decision to keep us lost in the woods for a while before figuring out that it’s something we’ve known all along. Just a thought.

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

Remember my gripes with Here Comes a Thought, way up there at the beginning of the review? Yeah, they don’t keep this out of my top ten.

Top Twenty

Steven and the Stevens

Hit the Diamond

Mirror Gem

Lion 3: Straight to Video

Alone Together

The Return

Jailbreak

The Answer

Mindful Education

Sworn to the Sword

Rose’s Scabbard

Earthlings

Mr. Greg

Coach Steven

Giant Woman

Beach City Drift

Winter Forecast

Bismuth

When It Rains

Catch and Release

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon

Bubble Buddies

Tiger Millionaire

Lion 2: The Movie

Rose’s Room

An Indirect Kiss

Ocean Gem

Space Race

Garnet’s Universe

Warp Tour

The Test

Future Vision

On the Run

Maximum Capacity

Marble Madness

Political Power

Full Disclosure

Joy Ride

Keeping It Together

We Need to Talk

Chille Tid

Cry for Help

Keystone Motel

Back to the Barn

Steven’s Birthday

It Could’ve Been Great

Message Received

Log Date 7 15 2

Same Old World

The New Lars

Monster Reunion

Alone at Sea

Crack the Whip

Beta

Back to the Moon

Kindergarten Kid

Buddy’s Book

Like ‘em

Gem Glow

Frybo

Arcade Mania

So Many Birthdays

Lars and the Cool Kids

Onion Trade

Steven the Sword Fighter

Beach Party

Monster Buddies

Keep Beach City Weird

Watermelon Steven

The Message

Open Book

Story for Steven

Shirt Club

Love Letters

Reformed

Rising Tides, Crashing Tides

Onion Friend

Historical Friction

Friend Ship

Nightmare Hospital

Too Far

Barn Mates

Steven Floats

Drop Beat Dad

Too Short to Ride

Restaurant Wars

Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service

Greg the Babysitter

Gem Hunt

Steven vs. Amethyst

Bubbled

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack

Together Breakfast

Cat Fingers

Serious Steven

Steven’s Lion

Joking Victim

Secret Team

Say Uncle

Super Watermelon Island

Gem Drill

Know Your Fusion

No Thanks!

     5. Horror Club      4. Fusion Cuisine      3. House Guest      2. Sadie’s Song      1. Island Adventure