#this book is insane because its been 200 pages and i still feel like nothing is happening. and i still have 400 more pages left

[strangebrew]

i think once i finish war and peace i should be able to post about it

[chaoticdisater]

Red white & royal Blue Favourite quotes

“How many times do I have to tell Y’all not to discuss your murder plots in front of a sitting president” their mother interrupts “Plausible deniability. Come on” (Pg 64) 

I don't know WHO you think you're kidding, you Hufflepuff-ass bitch, (Alex to henry over text pg 69) 

“‘put the turkeys in my room’  ‘No.’ ‘put them in my room, put them in my room, put them in my room -’  later that night as Alex stares into the cold pitiless eyes of a prehistoric beast of prey, he has a few regrets” (Alex and his mother Pg 76) 

“’he- Oi! Not for you Mr.wobbles! those are mine!’ more rustling and a distant offended Meow, ‘no, Mr. wobbles you bastard!’” (Henry at his sister's cat, pg 80) 

“Dec 8, 2019, 8:53 PM  yo there's a bond marathon on and did you know your dad was a total babe HRH prince Dickhead  I BEG YOU TO NOT “ (Henry and Alex over text Pg 84) 

“’ the options Id like...’ he says dragging the words out. ‘they don't quite seem to be options at all’” (Henry Pg 107) 

“’ christ you're a thick as it gets’ he says and he grabs Alex's face in both hands and kisses him.” (Henry Pg 107) 

“‘Seventy-eight percent probability of latent Bi-sexual tendencies. one hundred percent probability this is not a hypothetical question’” (Nora pg 118) 

“‘am I? do you think I'm Bi?’  ‘I can't tell you that Alex!’ she says ‘that's the whole point!’” (Alex and Nora Pg121)

“she slants a look at him ‘is this a diabolical scheme of seduction?’ she asks ‘if so, yes.’“ (Nora Pg 130) 

“Alex knocks the candelabra off the table next to them and pushes henry onto it so hes sitting with his back against - Alex looks up and almost breaks into a deranged laugh - a portrait of alexander hamilton.” (Pg 132) 

“‘im going to die’ henry says helplessly.  ‘im going to kill you,’ Alex tells him.” (Henry and Alex pg 133) 

‘”and if you fucking ghost me again, I'm going to get you put on a fucking no-fly list. got it’” (Alex at henry pg 134) 

“worst of all, Henry is good“ (Alex's thoughts on henry playing Polo Pg 147) 

“’I’m gonna go, Uh’ Alex says ‘say hi to henry’ Amy's mouth settles into a grim line ‘Please don't elaborate’ ‘Yeah I know’ Alex says ‘plausible deniability’” (Alex and Amy Pg 148) 

‘A <agcd@eclare45.com>  to Henry  his royal highness prince of whatever,  Don't make me learn your actual title’ (Alex’s email to henry Pg 152) 

‘Henry <hwales@kensingtonemail.com>  to A Alex, first son of inappropriately timed Emails when I’m in early morning meetings’ (Henry’s email to Alex Pg 155) 

“when he shows up to a briefing two days later Zahra grabs his jaw with one hand and turns his head, peering closer at the side of his neck. ‘is that a Hickey’ Alex freezes. ‘I . . . um, no?’” (Zahra and Alex pg 162) 

“‘Do you have a last name?’ Alex has never actually offered a greeting when calling Henry  ‘What?’ the usual bemused elongated one-syllable response” (163 Alex and henry over the phone) 

“‘Baby’ its become a thing: Baby he knows it’s become a thing. hes slipped up and accidentally said it a few times, and each time, Henry positively melts” (Alex Pg 166) 

“‘I miss you,’ Alex says before he can stop himself he instantly regrets ut but henry says. ‘I miss you too’” (pg 173) 

“she flung her arm out emphatically enough to upset an entire potted cactus on her dresser and says ‘Because until now you weren't fucking the prince of England’” (June pg 177)  

“‘you should try saying some of that stuff to Him’  ‘stop trying to Jane Austen my life’” (June and Alex Pg 180) 

“’ is now a good time to point out henrys very hot Very rich best friend is basically in love with you?’ Alex says to June ‘hes like some kind of billionaire genius manic-pixie-dream philanthropist. I feel like you would be into that.’ ‘Please shut up,’” (Alex and June Pg 182)  

“‘yes, yes, Pez, we know there's nothing you cant do,’ says henrys voice off-camera ‘no need to rub it in’“ (henry Pg 184) 

“‘oh I haven't had vodka since uni,’ henry says ‘it tends to make me erm, well-’ ‘flamboyant?’ Pez offers. ‘uninhibited? randy?’  ‘Fun?’ Bea suggests  ‘Excuses you, I am loads of fun all the time! I am a Delight’“ (Henry Bea and Pez pg 190)

“’yes Beatrice, we shall behave in a manner befitting the crown,’ henry says. his eyes are slightly crossed ‘don't be a tosser’“ (Henry and bea Pg 195) 

“He likes taking henry apart but there's something incredibly intantament about sitting on the bed they wrecked the night before, the only one who watches him create Prince Henry of Wales for the day.” (Pg 200) 

“‘So this is the gang now, huh?’  and through it all, Alex realizes with a start: he has friends now.” (Cash pg 201) 

“How is a man to get anything done knowing Alex Claremont-Diaz is out there on the loose?” (Henrys email to Alex pg 203) 

“yours in sexual frustration  Henry” (henrys email to Alex pg 206) 

“once again, how had he ever convinced himself he was straight,” (Alex pg 213) 

“‘just so we’re clear,’ Alex said ‘Im about to have sex with you in this storage closet to spite your family. Like that's what's happening?’“ (Alex pg 217) 

“your Brave I could use some of that” (Pg 218) 

“Because that's what he would do if he were here in this palace to fall in love Henry” (Pg 220) 

“Zahra doesnt even look up from her phone ‘that was my boyfriend and no, you may not ask me any further questions about him’” (Zahra Pg 223) 

“If he’s some anonymous normal person removed from history he’s twenty-two and he’s tipsy and he’s pulling a guy into his hotel room by the belt loop. He’s pulling a lip between his teeth and he fumbling behind his back to switch on a lamp and he’s thinking I like this person”  (Pg 228)

“You still are. Because you still bloody care so much.” He leans down and presses a kiss into Alex’s hair. “And you are good. Most things are awful most of the time but you’re good” (Henry Pg 230)

“’Seriously?’ She hisses ‘your literally putting your dick in the leader of a foreign state who is a man at the biggest political event before the election in a hotel full of reporters in a city full of cameras in a race close enough to fucking hinge on some bullshit like this like a manifestation of my fucking stress dreams and you’re asking me not to tell the president about it?’” (Zarha pg 233)

“The next slide is titled EXPLORING YOUR SEXUALITY: HEALTHY BUT DOES IT HAVE TO BE WITH THE PRINCE ENGLAND? she apologizes for not having time to come up with better titles Alex activity wishes for the sweet release of death” (Pg 237)

“History huh? I bet we could make some.” (Alex’s email to henry Pg 241)

“The pair of you share and an alarming number of traits by the by: passionate determination, never knowing when to shut up, &c &c,” (herny’s email to Alex Pg 242)

“Regards Haplessly romantic heretic prince henry the utterly daft” (henrys email to Alex pg 243)

“‘It’s math,’ Nora says ‘Math has no authority here,’ June tells her ‘Math is everywhere June’” (Nora and June Pg 247)

“Henry is tipsy and shirtless and attempting to referee” (pg 252)

“’Some times you just jump and hope it’s not a chiff’” (Alex dad Pg 256)

“Well, Alex is so in love he could die.” (Pg 257)

“He’s been falling in love with Henry for years probably since he first saw him in glossy print on the pages of j14 almost definitely since Henry pinned Alex to the floor of a medical supply closet and told him to shut the hell up.” (Pg 257)

“’Fuck off five nine is average’” (Pg 258)

“’H?’ He whispers ‘you awake?’ Henry sighs ‘always.’” ( Pg 260)

“He’s got a distinct feeling of something being pulled out of his hands right before he could grasp it.” (Pg 263)

“something rises in Alex's throat - anger, confusion, hurt, bile. Unforgivably, he feels like he might cry” (Pg 270) 

“’Fuck I swear you don’t make it fucking easy but I’m in love with you’” (Alex Pg 271)

“’I never thought I’d be stood here faced with a choice I can’t make because I never ... I never imagined you would love me back’” (Henry pg 273)

“He’s in Henry’s face now if he’s getting his heart broken tonight he’s sure as hell going to make Henry have the guts to do it right ‘tell me you're done with me. I’ll get back on the plane. that's it. and you can live here in your tower and be miserable forever, write a whole book of sad fucking poems about it, whatever just say it’” (274)

“He’s in stupid unbearable love and Henry loves him too and at least for one night it matters, even if they both have to pretend to forget in the morning” (Pg 275)

“He tells his too fast brain: don’t miss this time he’s too important” (Alexs thoughts Pg 275)

“henry’s hands-on him are unhurried and soft and they make out lazily for hours or days.” (Pg 280) 

“Alex sighs ‘i don't think I told you but she uh. well, when she fired me she told me that if I wasn't a thousand percent serious about you. I need to break things off.’  Henry nuzzles his nose behind Alex's ear ‘a thousand percent?’” (Alex and Henry Pg 282) 

“‘Diaz you insane hopeless romantic little shit’ says the voice of the president of the united states, muffled in the bed ‘it had better be forever. Be safe’“ (Pg 284) 

“hes cut off mid-sentence because Alex has stopped in the middle of the corridor and yanked him backwards into a kiss” (pg 286) 

“’its funny’ henry says ‘i always thought of the whole thing as the most unforgivable thing about me but you act like its one of the best’“ (henry Pg 289) 

“he takes the chain off his neck and slides the ring on next to the old house key. they click together gently as he tucks them both under his shirt, two homes side by side” (Pg 291) 

“I opened my blasted mouth and said ‘because I'm not like the rest of the men in this family beginning with the fact that I'm am very deeply gay Philip’  once shaan managed to dislodge him from the chandelier Philip had quite a few words for me,” (Henry’s emails to Alex Pg 298) 

“just leaving, not coming back. maybe burning something down on the way out. it would be nice.” (henrys emails to Alex pg 299)

“I thought, if someone like that ever loved me, it would set me on fire” (henrys emails to Alex (describing how he felt when he first saw Alex) Pg 300) 

“20. the fact that you have loved me all along.” (alex’s email to henry (the list of things alex loves about henry) Pg 303) 

“‘Oh my god Z what is That? did you get engaged?’  Zahra looks down at the ring and shrugs. ‘i had the week-end off’” (June and Zahra pg 305)

“’you and me and history, remember? were just gonna fucking fight. because your it okay? Im never gonna love anybody in the world like i love you,’“ (Alex pg 312) 

“‘I swear to god if you say I'm too young I'm gonna lose my shit,’“ (Alex pg 315) 

“What did he do ‘be more specific’“ (Alex to Zahra pg 321 ) 

“’the president is sitting down with as many members of the office of communitcs we could drag out of bed at three in the morning’” (Zahra Pg 323) 

“‘pack a bag’ she says ‘we’re going to londan’” (Zahra Pg 334)

“she (Zarha) seems confident Shaan will agree to it and willing to physically overpower him if not.” (pg 334) 

“still the cocky shit head part of him is slightly pleased to finally have claim on henry. Yep, the prince? Most eligible bachelor in the world? British accent face like a greek god, legs for days? Mine” (Pg 336) 

“‘youre giving my ulcer an ulcer’“ (Zahra pg 336) 

“‘Im running on nothing but black coffee, a wetzels pretzel, and a fistful of B12. Do not even breathe in my directrion,’“ (Zahra Pg 339) 

“He leans up and kisses the underside of his jaw, finding it rough from a full fitful day,” (pg 340)

“‘What kind of family, that says we’ll take the murder, we’ll take the raping and pillaging and the colonizing, well scrub it up nice and neat in a museum but oh no you’re a bloody poof? That’s beyond our sense of decorum’” (Henry pg 347)

“Bea seizes the pot of tea from the center of the table and dumps it into his lap ‘Oh, I’m terribly sorry Pip’ she says grabbing him by the shoulders and shoving him sputtering and yelping toward the door ‘so deardfully clumsy, you know I think all that cocaine I did must have really done a job on my refexes!’” (Bea pg 357)

“Henry pulls Alex close and kisses him whispers, ‘I love you I love you I love you’ and it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter if anyone sees.” (Pg 358)

And that’s when I gave up I do have more but well I didn’t want to make this list any more

[irarelypostanything]

Theranos and “The Inventor”

I told someone I was interested in biotech, and he’s been recommending HBO’s The Inventor: Out for Blood in Silicon Valley ever since.  I had my expectations almost impossibly high, and it did not disappoint - it’s dramatic, it’s well-executed, it has all the makings of a good story complete with heroes and villains. One thing I find a little interesting is that I watched it shortly after finishing Michael Lewis’ (the one who wrote The Big Short) book about Jim Clark.  Jim Clark founded three Silicon Valley companies that each reached a valuation of more than a billion dollars; he did some pioneering work in computer graphics, built the web browser company Microsoft later crushed, then made a crazy amount of money building a web healthcare company.�� He’s portrayed as a hero.  Elizabeth Holmes, in this documentary, is portrayed as a villain.

And...let’s be clear...she deserves it.  Three pages through Bad Blood, and her CTO realizes the Edison takes a sample of blood, then simply replays whatever its last accurate results were.  Imagine telling a diabetes patient he’s healthy because your glucose meter is designed to only replay the last time you recorded a healthy blood sugar level.  It’s madness.

Jim Clark didn’t do anything like that, but he did tackle the healthcare market without any prior experience, wow investors before his engineers had a working product, and figure out the rest as he went along.  His pitch was mostly built on an extremely vague chart that explained why his company would make tons of money, and investors were mostly interested in him because of his tremendous success with Netscape.  It still worked.  Michael Lewis likened him to some sort of god, someone who innovated because it was in his blood and changed Silicon Valley by advocating for engineers and giving them bigger stakes in companies.  But what if it hadn’t worked at all?  What if nothing he built actually achieved its original vision?  Probably he wouldn’t face any sort of criminal prosecution, since the act of failing to give investors a good return on investment isn’t a crime (it’s just failure), but…

What if this had actually worked?

Maybe you could be an uninsured American struggling to make ends meet, and you’d walk into a Walgreens and take a tiny drop of blood from your 6-year-old son.  You’d find out from his A1C that he had type 1 diabetes, or you’d find 200 metrics indicating that he was completely healthy.  You’d have your result within an hour, and you wouldn’t later find yourself with a $1000 bill.

It’s still a really, really good cause, and there are ex-Theranos employees who still think this sort of thing is possible (with some tweaking).

In the documentary, they do an experiment in which they ask people to silently choose “top” or “bottom,” then roll dice.  At the end, they ask what side the person picked.  If they say top, and top was 6, they get $6.  If they say bottom, they get $1.

You probably get where this is going.  They’re able to prove that people have a tendency to lie, which they first prove by taking winning statistics, then prove with a lie detector.  Here’s the interesting part - they would tell the person the money was going to charity, then rig up a lie detector.  If people believed their lie was for the benefit of charity, their lies would not register as lies.

So...is that who she was?  Was Elizabeth Holmes someone who knew what she was doing was wrong and that the ends would justify the means?  In this documentary, the very journalists who exposed her are also baffled by this.  Recently, in the criminal investigation still ongoing, she decided to plead insanity.

How many people thought: This woman is a hero, this woman was a young, female engineer with a brilliant mind and a vision?  How many people had their image shattered, when it came to light just how deep the lie had gone?

There’s still a lot of potential in this field.  Maybe Silicon Valley will still be the place to prove it.  But a cautionary story like this one probably left a lot of people feeling really disillusioned.  

I’ll be very curious to see how Jennifer Lawrence pulls off this role when they turn Bad Blood into a movie.

[theastrophilearchitect]

Reworking the plot & getting my hands dirty.

Writing journey #2.

Sat 06/03/2021 - Word Count: 28,150 19.38 So, a month ago, today, actually, I started writing a book. For context, I've sorted out scenes and planned my plot; I'm now simultaneously writing my first draft and outlining scenes in more detail - I'm just into act two of my draft and just into act three of the outline.

I included today in my first writing post, which you can find here, but, while outlining, I realised something that will result in a major plot change (even though I probably should wait until revisions, it sorts out the climax I'm currently incredibly vague on, and will help me actually be able to complete the draft), and felt it was time to start a different post, because the other one was long, and already had its own focus.

Previously, I've been setting mildly insane word count goals, and even though I'm sticking to vague targets, I'm going to drop that, because I need to do a major plot change, and that'll mean the word count isn't going up that much for a while.

So, I have my first and second acts good, but while outlining act three, I've realised the event at the start of act three would work better as a climax than the vague battle idea I have. It just seems more original, more effective, but it means I need to shift events around and re-figure the first block of act three. I'll begin tonight, but it's already 8pm, so I'll probably do most of it tomorrow.

Sun 07/03/2021 - Word Count: 28,365 08.24 I'm reworking act three, and I think I may just drop drafting for the moment and focus on incorporating the edits I have in mind, then start drafting over. I know all the advice says not to go back and edit, but this is a big change I can't wait to do, so it seems opportune to just make the others, too.

08.31 I've now finished reworking act three, and I'm much more satisfied with it than I was before. I do now need to go through the scenes again, however.

13.57 Still re-scening. This is frustrating, but I've decided when I'm back to drafting, I'm going to drop my daily minimum to just 500 words - even though I'll make very little progress at that pace, it's more realistic considering I'm about to be plunged back into the world of homework and commuting, and it's something I'll always be able to meet to help me keep in the habit of daily writing. Word count isn't applicable when I'm doing re-scening like today, though.

Something else I've noticed, when I'm writing literally anything, I'm just scribing the words I'm literally hearing in my head, which is a little bit of a problem because where I wrote 'meet' just now, I meant 'meet' but heard 'eat' in my head and wrote 'eat'.

17.07 I feel like I'm finally making some progress - I've been writing on-and-off all day. My word count has actually decreased a couple hundred words since yesterday, but Scrivener is convinced I've written 42,000 words today, which I obviously haven't. I've typed a lot of words, but not that many, not all of which added to that since deleting words takes words off that number. It thinks I've written so many, however, because I duplicated my act one folder twice (then deleted it, obviously, because I don't need three copies of the same act) but Scrivener doesn't take off the words when you delete the file, only when you literally hit backspace.

17.50 Sorting out my climax, I'm realising how bad it was before. Which I guess is good, because it shows internal criticism and growth...? Or something...?

21.04 I've totally planned out the majority of act three, but I haven't finished it because where I'm up to ends with my characters essentially making a game plan, and since I'm not yet sure what that game plan is, I can't outline the bit where they carry out the plan, but I'll do that later. I've incorporated some of the edits I wanted to make, though I've left a couple out because they're less drastic and I'm not sure whether or not to include them, so I'm going to sort that either during or after my first draft.

Since I've made quite a few changes that will affect the parts I've already drafted, I'm going to start my draft over, and reset my word count, but I'll do that tomorrow. For now, Scrivener thinks I've written 42,385 words today, which I absolutely have not, and my word count is currently 28,365, but I'm going to remove every outline and drafted piece I've done so I can start from zero for what I'm going to call draft #1.4, because I already wrote a version of about 40% of it.

God, my word count has gone back to 0 of my minimum 50,000. That hurts. It really hurts. My actual goal is more 70-90K, but 50K is my minimum, so that's what I'm going with for now.

Anyway, goodnight, and good luck me.

Mon 08/03/2021 - Word Count: 820 So, I wrote 820 words before school, then got home, attempted to do some homework and lost all motivation and will to do... anything. Which means I'm very glad I did over my 500 words this morning.

Tue 09/03/2021 - Word Count: 1,367 15.07 I called this a #1.4 draft, but it's more like a #1.3. Anyway, writing is so much less stressful when I'm working from something I've already written - with the first section, so far, at least, I'm basically just editing the writing itself rather than the events because I'm pretty happy, at least at the moment, with my first couple chapters. Very little thinking required.

Also, it's been over 30 hours since I've written because I did my writing before school yesterday, but haven't written yet today because I've got so much work to get done for school. It feels like it's been forever.

16.17 I've finished rewriting chapter one, and still have a lot of fuel in my tank (that's a hideous metaphor) but I think I'm going to cut off today at 547 words, just because I have quite a lot on my plate this week, and I'd like to invest some time in actually reading the book I started eight days ago, and am only 200 pages of the way through.

Wed 10/03/2021 - Word Count: 2,082 I could write significantly more than 500 words most days, but it really is easier to set a minimum that doesn't feel like a strain, so that's what I'm sticking with for now.

Thu 11/03/2021 - Word Count: 2,801

Fri 12/03/2021 - Word Count: 3,405

Sat 13/03/2021 - Word Count: 32,211 07.40 I've just had nothing extra to say the last couple days, which is ironic considering how much I wrote each day of the last post, which went up yesterday! Anyway, it's finally Saturday, and even though I have exactly zero motivation to do anything this morning, I've been awake for two hours already (I recently discovered I like mornings??) and I think it's time to get going. Still sticking to my 500 word minimum, but since it's Saturday, I'm going to invest most of the day in writing, so I should surpass that.

08.20 I don't think I've mentioned yet that I dubbed this WIP Bay Tree in this post. Sorry if I have, but I skimmed this post and can't find it. So, this is about to get messy. I'm basically just cleaning up my prose, but there's so little point doing that when I'm not certain each scene will stay. There's no point editing a chapter unless I know it's sticking around.

So we're reverting, and this is about to get messy. I didn't quite finish my initial draft of chapter seven, because I wasn't sure how exactly the event at the end of it would happen, but I think I'm just going to delve into it. I'm going to add everything, including outlines, back to my word count, finish writing chapter seven, then pick up where I left off in chapter nine. Okay. That's why my word count is jumping around.

And, just like that, I've gone from 4,074 to 28,864. Well, 500 words accomplished. Surpassed, in fact, by just 24,290.

I'm going to aim to just hit 30K by the end of this weekend. I can easily do 1,136 words in two days.

As I've mentioned before, I haven't outlined all the way to the end and through the climax--I have a fairly clear idea of how I want it to do go down, but I'm not sure what I want the characters' plan to actually be, so I currently have 21 chapters, but I'm projecting 23-26, which, at about 3,000 words each, is pretty damn good, especially when it'll just get longer as I redraft (she says optimistically).

Already feeling more motivated now my word count's higher.

09.54 Oh! Also, I logged onto Tumblr today to find someone reblogged my last writing post with a really positive, encouraging comment. It's nice to think I'm bringing someone else a little joy with this.

11.13 And we hit 30K! I'm not quite done for the day, but I do need to go pack. Also, I've been operating under the impression the minimum word count for a novel is 50K, but it's actually 40K, which, though I'm only about 40% of the way to my projected total word count, I'm officially 75% of the way to being able to say I've written a novel.

I'm so glad I've gotten as far as I have, and I just hope I can keep myself going to the end.

12.27 This post is going to look really strange to read - if you're only looking at the word counts, it looks like I've written nearly 27K words today. That makes sense.

Oh, and I finished chapter seven. Like an hour ago.

13.52 At this point, I have literally no idea what continuity things I've already established, so I'm just going by a let-my-future-self-suffer philosophy.

14.36 That's chapter nine done. That leaves chapters 10 to nobody-knows. I'm going to stop writing now, but I wrote nearly 4,000 words today (plus recounting about 20K) so I don't exactly think this cut-off will be detrimental.

Sun 14/03/2021 - Word Count: 35,548 07.58 I’ve written over a thousand words already, and it isn’t even 8am yet. Being a morning person is genuinely the best thing ever as an introvert--I’m asleep when people want to socialise, and awake when no-one else is. That makes me sound like a hermit. I love it anyway, and feel like I’m stacking up for a good writing day. 35K is probably a little overambitious, but what’s life without aspiration?

09.04 As I’m going, I’m realising my plot is actually coherent, and being surprised that I can actually make a story without plot holes (as of yet.)

09.21 And that makes the first eleven chapters drafted! 

...And, Houston, we have a problem. Dammit. Eleven chapters, and I haven’t established one of the most important world-building points. Which is especially irritating because it needs to be established by chapter twelve. Unless I can establish it at the start of chapter twelve? We’ll go with that, so I don’t have to go back, then I’ll sort it out in edits or draft two or something.

I’ve just started writing chapter twelve, but I think, having written 2,600 words today already, I need a break. I have less than 500 words until I hit 35K, but I’m going to leave it for now, and come back this evening. I should be able to hit 40K this week.

18.19 And that makes 35K. Chapter twelve is only two scenes, and I’ve written one, but having written 3,000 words so far today, I’m going to leave it until tomorrow.

Mon 15/03/2021 - Word Count: 36,337 17.19 So there’s a crucial plot point just after my midpoint, and I’m not completely sure what to do. I mean, I know what I’m doing--I just wasn’t sure exactly how I wanted it to go, but now I know. The issue is other stuff needs to be pre-established, and I’ve worked out where it needs to go, but I don’t know whether or not I want to go back and write those bits now, or just make note of it and add it in draft two.

I think I’m just going to make note, plough ahead, and deal with it in draft two. I’m trying to figure out exactly how I’m going to operate after this draft: things generally say put it down for a few weeks, come back for edits, then go into your next draft, but I feel like I’m already going to have so many edits gathered by the time I reach the end of this draft, I should just go back into it, but time will probably be beneficial. Not that it actually matters now. I’m only just halfway through an under-draft (by that I mean it’s going to get a lot longer). I’m going to add new scenes in my next draft and generally fiddle with plot aspects, but as quite a linear writer, I think I’m more naturally inclined to just incorporate aspects in a draft rather than as edits. I’m not sure. Does that even make any sense? 

Depending on when I finish this draft, I think I’ll plan to pick it back up May 1st, and just see how I’m feeling. But, again, this all depends on when I finish the draft, and how I’m feeling when that time comes.

Tue 16/03/2021 - Word Count: 37,025 I bought my Scrivener license today! Yay!

Wed 17/03/2021 - Word Count: 38,408 08.04 This is mostly irrelevant to my project, but I just wanted to mention the odd fact that I’m definitely a plotter when it comes to longer pieces, but when I do shorter pieces, creative or essays, for school, I hate planning, and just start immediately, then go back and edit. Huh.

Thu 18/03/2021 - Word Count: 38,950 I’m going to edit this, but writing the date just now I noticed I’ve put 2019 for the last three days. It’s absolutely not, and I know why I did that, but still.

14.31 Also, Oxford commas? Found out what they were. Granted, that was actually a few days ago.

Fri 19/03/2021 - Word Count: 40,139 06.55 Even though I wrote 500 words yesterday, I didn’t quite reach my goal of 39K, just because I had to stop writing 50 words off, and by the time I had the opportunity to go back, I just wanted to go to bed. So, today, my goal is to hit 40K words, and officially be able to say I’ve hit the minimum word count for a novel.

Honestly, I’m starting to lose my love for this project. I’m still enjoying working on it, don’t get me wrong, but I’m anticipating finishing it because I know exactly what I want to write next. I feel like I’m mostly still working on it as a lesson, and I know it’s not what I ultimately want to write--mostly because it’s not super high-concept, and high-concept stuff is what I want to be writing. I am still enjoying working on it, I’m just not sure I’ll get to the ‘final line-edits’ stage. But who knows?

10.19 And that marks 40K. We’re in novel terriority, people. And, yes, I could correct that spelling, but I’d like to draw attention to how bad I am at spelling when typing. I’m excellent at spelling in writing, and wrong spellings bother me, but when I’m typing, my fingers are just trying to keep up with my mind, which means I try to type a letter and the one after it at the same time, and often end up with letters in the wrong order and punctuation in the wrong place. Or I just hit halfway between two keys instead of the key I’m going for, and type a wrong letter. Anyway, that was meant to say territory. See? I can spel..

Or I just double the punctuation instead of the last letter.

So I’m definitely not meeting my old goal of 80K words or a finished draft by the end of the month--that’d be another 40K words in just 12 days--but I’m definitely on track to finish by the end of April.

Sat 20/03/2021 - Word Count: 40,692 15.30 God, second acts are hard. I hate being in the middle. At the start, you have novelty, and at the end (not that I would know from experience) you have the knowledge you’re near the end, that you’ve already written most of it.

I’m currently operating the reminder, ‘You’ve written an act before, why not again?’, in hopes that’ll eventually extend to, ‘You’ve finished a draft before, why not again?’ and ‘You’ve written an entire book before, why not again?’

I’ve literally written 243 words so far today, and I just don’t want to. Normally, I sit down, I slog through the first hundred or so words, then pick up momentum. Maybe it’s just because chapter 13 is a boring part to write. Ha. 13. Just my luck.

I’m being nice to myself because a lot has happened in my life over the last few days, but I still want to write a minimum of 500 words, even though most Saturdays I can write more like 3,000.

21.41 I’d like to be asleep. That sounds like fun. Today slipped through my grasp, and I haven’t even written 300 words, but I am going to try to at least hit 500. And then maybe write thousands and thousands tomorrow, but I’m also going to bake a cake, and I’m notorious for being able to make cooking and baking take at least three times as long as is necessary.

21.57 So I got just past 500. Relatively speaking, that’s not that impressive for me, but it’s more words than most people in the world added to their manuscripts today, so I have to give myself some credit. (I’m working on crediting myself for productivity rather than degrading myself for not being productive--I could go on for hours about how much it pisses me off that capitalism teaches us productivity=worth in everything, not just business, but I’m going off on a tangent.)

Sun 21/03/2021 - Word Count: 41,466 08.08 Cakes baked! And I’ve come to a conclusion about how irritating I am to myself--I didn’t fully outline the latter half of act two (by which I mean I have each scene and a purpose of each scene, but virtually no detail) which I can absolutely cope with, but it does slow me down. Anyway, I’m waiting for my cakes to cool, then I can ice them.

14.28 I wanted to write up to 42K this weekend, which I don’t think is going to happen. I’ve written 774 words, so passed my 500-word minimum, but haven’t yet reached 42K, and don’t think I’m going to this weekend. I just don’t have much motivation, which may just be because of the part I’m on, but I’d rather work through this part really slowly then pick up the pace when I get to the part I want to be writing, than force myself to write this section quickly and poorly, then not want to continue into act three. So, sticking to 500 words a day; I may do more later, but I’m leaving it for now.

Mon 22/03/2021 - Word Count: 42,006 17.56 God, I don’t want to write today. I’m going to anyway, because I haven’t yet failed 500 words. They can be a shitty 500 words, but they have to be 500 words. Also, the scene I wrote yesterday? Absolutely getting deleted. But I’m leaving it for now because I refuse to lose those 800 words.

I really enjoy putting edits at the bottom of scenes in brackets and making them unnecessarily wordy so Scrivener thinks I’ve written significantly more words than I actually have.

18.31 Yay, did it. I’m really hoping I can just work through this low spot and don’t have to take a break. I’m on the penultimate chapter of act two, and the first few chapters of act three are really exciting, so I’ll know if I need to take a break based on whether I get motivated when I get to that part.

Tue 23/03/2021 - Word Count: 42,124 16.37 GOD, I need a break. I don’t have motivation, even for 500 words. You know what? I’m just going to make a note of the scene idea I had earlier, and I’m going to take a week’s break. Unless I get antsy, in which case I may end it earlier, but, I’m not going to write again until Tuesday the 30th. Unless I get antsy. FUCK.

I’m just reminding myself breaks are good and important, but I still hate that I’m taking one without finishing my first draft. Tue 30/03/2021, I will be back! Though my word count may increase between now and then as I note down any ideas I have, which I will update with. Okay. Just leave it.

Sun 28/03/2021 - Word Count: 42,150 10.47 Since Tuesday, I’ve made some notes on my phone of little things I want to change, but haven’t added them to my project file, so the word count hasn’t gone up.

Last night, I was just thinking about how badly I wanted to get back to this project, but this morning, I just... don’t. I’ve been thinking it through, and I’m not ready to drop this project yet, but I’m just not happy with what I have at the moment. So, I’m going to add my notes to the file, and then leave it for a few weeks, so I can return with edits in mind, apply them, and then start what I guess will be like a 1.7 draft, because I didn’t finish this draft.

In the meantime, however, I do want to keep writing, so I’m going to start another project in the meantime, which I can work on a lot in the next few weeks because, in a few days, I get a couple weeks off, which won’t be completely free of work, but will give me a lot more time to dedicate to this.

I think I’m going to say I’ll return to Bay Tree (or at least review, if, say, I just want to dedicate a little more time to whatever phase of the new project before I move on) on May 10th, because that’s basically when I get to relax after my exams finish.

So I’ll add the notes I have so far, keep making notes on my phone, and return on May 10th.

Which wraps up this writing update--a new one will come with my new project!

[ageofevermore]

1-96

(1) Do You Sleep With Your Closet Doors Open Or Closed?

it’s a dual sliding door, so usually one sides open. but preferably, both doors are closed. 

(2) Do You Have Freckles?

sometimes in the summer, not often though. 

(3) Can You Whistle?

yes! 

(4) Last Song You Listened To.

well for some reason there’s a guy on my TV singing God Bless The USA

(5) What Is Your Favourite Colour?

purple

(6) Relationship Status.

single because my favorite omegle guy won’t answer me 

(7) What Is The Temperature Right Now?

48F / 9C

(8) Did You Wake Up Cranky?

i woke up wishing i was still asleep

(9) How Many Followers?

835

(10) Zodiac Sign.

Sun: Capricorn, Rising: Aries, Moon: Aquarius 

(11) What Is Your Eye Colour?

brown / hazel 

(12) Take A Vitamin Daily?

no

(13) Do You Sing In The Shower?

obviously, i’m not completely insane

(14) What Books Are You Reading?

whatever fucking book my english class assigned...

(15) Grab The Book Nearest To You, Turn To Page 64, Give Me Line 14.

i literally only have a text book by me and opening it is triggering

(16) Favourite Anime?

i don’t watch anime

(17) Last Person You Cried In Front Of?

my mom...about greys anatomy...but still my mom about christmas and my birthday. i cry alot, but i like REALLY cried about those two topics

(18) Do You Collect Anything?

chapstick, trauma, candles 

(19) What Did You Have For Lunch?

it’s only 10am and i haven’t even thought about breakfast 

(20) Do You Dance In The Car?

yes, and then my mom yells at me because i do nothing “subtly” and the entire car shakes

(21) Favourite Animal?

white siberian tigers, snow leopards, dolphins, and now elephants

(22) Do You Watch The Olympics?

unfortunately. i love gymnastics, but like, i’m not trying to watch men in toboggans and swim caps 

(23) What Time Do You Usually Go To Bed?

anywhere between 12pm and 3am

(24) Are You Wearing Makeup Right Now?

no, i never wear makeup because it makes me look more ugly

(25) Do You Prefer To Swim In A Pool Or The Ocean?

ocean

(26) Favourite Tumblr Blog?

besides my friends i don’t really have a favorite blog, i stick to my circle and don’t venture very far 

(27) Bottled Water Or Tap Water?

bottled. 

(28) What Makes You Happy?

i couldn’t tell you...

(29) Post A Gif Of What You’re Currently Feeling Right Now.

(30) Do You Study Better With Or Without Music?

without, but i always start with it on. it never lasts more then two songs.

(31) Dogs Or Cats?

dogs

(32) If You Were A Crayon What Colour Would You Be?

a shade of purple from the crayola 200 pack

(33) PlayStation Or Xbox.

wii

(34) Would You Swim In The Lake Or Ocean?

ocean

(35) Do You Believe In Magic?

hell mothering fucking year i do baby, lets take that train to hogwarts 

(36) What Colour Shirt Are You Wearing?

its a friends pj crop, so black and white stripped with the central perks logo

(37) Can You Curl Your Tongue?

yup

(38) Do You Save Money Or Spend It?

save money 

(39) Is There Anything Pink Within 10 Feet Of You?

my cup 

(40) Do You Have Any Obsessions Right Now?

stranger things ig

(41) Have You Ever Caught A Butterfly?

no, those assholes scare me, but i’ve grown + released them 

(42) Are You Easily Influenced By Other People?

um chile, i would follow my best friend off a cliff with no hesitation

(43) Do You Have Strange Dreams?

all the fucking time 

(44) Do You Like Going On Airplanes?

ITS MY FAVORITE FORM OF TRAVEL 

(45) Name One Movie That Made You Cry.

the hannah montana movie

(46) Peanuts Or Sunflower Seeds?

peanuts 

(47) If I Handed You A Concert Ticket Right Now, Who Would You Want The Performer To Be?

one direction 

(48) Are You A Picky Eater?

yes 

(49) Are You A Heavy Sleeper?

yes, but it takes me forever to fall asleep 

(50) Do You Fear Thunder / Lightning?

yea, depends on the day and the level of scardy bitch i feel like being 

(51) Do You Like To Read / Write?

i love both 

(52) Do You Like Your Music Loud?

hell yeah, let me feel the beat in my kidneys 

(53) Would You Rather Carve Pumpkins Or Wrap Presents?

carve pumpkins 

(54) Put Your Music On Shuffle, What Is The First Song That Came Up?

no tears left to cry by ag

(55) What Season Are You In Right Now? (Weather)

fall

(56) What Are You Craving Right Now?

a churro + peppermint mocha frap

(57) Post A Screenshot Of Your Tumblr Feed.

(58) What Is Your Gender?

female (she/her)

(59) Coffee Or Tea?

iced coffee / sweet tea

(60) Do You Have Any Homework Right Now? If So, What Is It About?

yeah, i have environmental homework and US I homework and Algebra II homework

(61) What Is Your Sexuality?

bruh, idk 

(62) Do You Make Your Bed In The Morning?

no, that shit’s never made 

(63) Favourite Pokemon?

jigglypuff 

(64) Favourite Social Media?

pintrest 

(65) What’s Your Opinion On Instagram Stories?

they’re okay

(66) Do You Get Homesick?

no. i don’t miss thins very easily, i’m away from home for a week and i have no doubt that i could spend the rest of my life without going back. 

(67) Are You A Virgin?

yes sir

(68) What Shampoo And Conditioner Are You Using Right Now?

idk, some really thick and heavy in hydration set 

(69) If You Were Far From Home And Needed To Sleep For The Night, Would You Choose To Rent A Crappy Motel Room For $60 Or Sleep In Your Car For Free?

sleep in my car, though both options scare me 

(70) Are Both Of Your Blood Parents Still In Your Life?

i have a strained relationship with my bio dad, but unfortunately i still have to associate myself with him a few times a year 

(71)  Whats The Next Movie You Want To See In Theaters?

black widow or spiderman 3, but i’m willing to see anything just take me back! 

(72) Do You Miss Your Ex?

i’ve never had an ex, but i do wish krystian would stop ignoring me. stupid scotland boys 

(73) What Is Your Favourite Quote Right Now?

“friends dont lie”

(74) What Eye Colour Do You Find Sexiest?

green / brown 

(75) Did You Like Swinging As A Child? Do You Still Get Excited When You See A Swing Set?

i loved swinging, but a few years ago it started making me dizzy so i don’t swing very often anymore. but tire swings especially are my shit 

(76) What Was The Last Thing You Ate?

chicken flavored ramen 

(77) What Games Do You Have On Your Phone?

yes 

(78) Would You Give A Homeless Person CPR If They Were Dying? Why Or Why Not?

yeah...because they’re dying and if i have the skills to save them...why wouldn’t i?

(79) Been On The Computer For 5 Hours Straight?

honey, i do full virtual high school. we stan a pandemic (we don’t)

(80) Stalked Someone On A Social Network?

social media stalker is my middle name. not anymore though, i haven’t been asked to find a boy in a while 

(81) Do You Like Meeting New People?

no. i hate it. anxiety city man. 

(82) Do You Wear Rings? If You Do, Take A Picture Of Them.

i don’t wear rings, but i really want to.

(83) Do You Sleep With Your Bedroom Door Open Or Closed?

closed

(84) What Are Three Things You Did Today?

woke up, watched stranger things, made ramen 

(85) What Do You Wear To Bed?

whatever i fall asleep in. 

(86) List All Of Your Different Beauty Products You Have Right Now.

are beauty and skincare the same? because i don’t own much makeup. 

(87) Are You A Day Or Night Person?

i used to be a night person. but this pandemic has hit hard with depression and i’ve become a stay in bed all day person

(88) List All Of Your Video Games On Your Phone, Console Etc.

2048 balls, among us, ball sort puzzle, bubble shooter, bubble sort, color roll 3D, drag n merge, fit and squeeze, hole.io, mario kart, match 3D, nonogram.com, paint the cube, roof rails, solitare, spit, stacky dash, stair run, timber run...

(89) Tell Me About A Dream That You Had And When It Happened.

After my moms fiance died, I had a dream that he was able to come see my fifth grade play (he died just before it happened) and when we were walking out he got into the white car from fast and furious (we watched the movies together) and said he would see me again soon, then he drove off...like talk about weird 

(90) Favourite Soda Drink?

rootbeer 

(91) What Sounds Are Your Favourite?

i like a good clicking sound 

(92) Do You Wear Jeans Or Sweats More?

sweats everyday all day 

(93) How Do You Look Right Now?

like a fucking wreck 

(94) Name Something That Relaxes You.

netflix 

(95) What Tattoo Do You Want?

i want a bunch of little symbols, and i think it would be cute if i got a T for my mom, but i can’t tell her that because she might think i’m going soft and exploit my show of affection (jfc why am i like this lmao)

(96) Favourite YouTuber?

colleen ballinger 

[cassiejade]

Hello Everyone!

Its been a while since I’ve posted anything so I thought I would post about what’s been going on in my life and what’s coming up.

Catching Up

On October 1st I started a new job. I’m still with the same organization that I’ve been at but I’m working for a new department. I was in Executive services for 8 years but the organization is creating a Parks and Recreation department so I moved there at the beginning of the month. It has been a change that’s for sure.

This job is keeping me incredibly busy, I got more emails in three days then I did in an entire month as exec. That has played a huge part in the decrease in my blog posting. In my previous job, I had a lot more downtime and I used it to draft blog posts, listen to audiobooks, even write during NaNoWriMo. Right now though I’m still trying to manage my job tasks and work on time management with my projects…which is something that I’ve never had to do before. So many new things, its kinda cool, but I still feel lost and over my head with my job.

Shortly before I started my job my best friend got a new puppy, her name is Freya and she’s a Shepard/Akita/Malamute mix, she is one of the most precious things. I absolutely adore her, which is good because I’ve been watching her during the day while my friend is at work. I honestly forgot just how much work puppies are and how destructive they can be when they’re bored. Its been a good refresher since Corey really wants a dog but at the moment there’s no way.

I’ve been watching Freya mostly because I own my house and plan to renovate the room that she stays in during the day anyways, my friend, on the other hand, rents her home and would lose her deposits if Freya ripped up a chunk of carpet…true story. Despite loving her, she’s been taking up a pretty big chunk of my time as well.

In more really exciting news, I recently went on a road trip to Boise, Idaho. Kind of random right? Boise was about an 8 and a half-hour drive from where I live, it was so long and such a boring drive. I went through Oregon on the I-84 highway and omg once we passed the Dalles there was just nothing for miles.

We drove to Boise to see one of my all-time favorite bands, A Day To Remember, perform live. It was so much fun, I’ve been a fan of theirs since 2009 and have been dying to see them perform ever since, but I was always missing them in Washington and I hadn’t seen them schedule anything for Washington in years. Finally, I was looking at their tour dates and saw Boise, checked Google Maps saw it was only 8 hours…to me it was doable. I don’t have kids, I had the vacation hours, and Corey knew just how long I’ve waited to see these guys so we decided to go.  

I had so much fun and in all honesty, I was joking with Corey about becoming a roadie for them and going along with the rest of the tour because I wasn’t done having a good time after the concert, I wanted to keep partying and singing. It was such fun and such a good concert, I was in General Admission which is my preferred when I go to a concert. So I was on the floor jumping around and screaming, I loved it. I actually lost my voice for a couple of days from singing along.

10/10 would see them again and would travel to see them again.

I think I’m a Social Butterfly? We had such an unusual week that this is now a running joke between Corey and me. We are both introverted hermits. We generally don’t like going out and would much rather stay home than go out. But in one week we drove to and from Idaho, went to a concert, had family over, hung out with friends, went to a movie, a football game, went out to dinner with family, and drove to Seattle to pick up a family member from the airport.

I’m exhausted just from typing that, I don’t know how I went through all of it. To us, thats an insane amount of things for us to do in a week. I keep thinking about the meme with the guy and the butterfly.

What I’ve read lately

I haven’t had much time to read lately, which is bumming me out so much. I have read two books so far for October, wish it was more but oh well. I’ve been in the mood for mysteries lately so I read One of Us Is Lying and Two Can Keep A Secret both by Karen McManus. While I enjoyed both of them, I really prefer Two Can Keep a Secret more. It was so good and intense, I didn’t see any of the plot twists coming and I desperately want a sequel. I wish TCKAS was getting the sequel instead of One of Us is Lying, theres totally room to continue on with the story and what happens next.

Looking forward

Dewey’s 24 Hour Readathon 

This weekend is the Deweys 24 Hour Readathon and you know that I’m participating. I have a TBR pile that I’m excited about but my goals for this round are a little different. Instead of trying to read ‘X’ amount of books, I want to read ‘x’ amount of pages for each book. Since I’ve been so busy lately and have had to move reading and blogging to my back burners, it’s put me in a bit of a reading slump. So I just want to use this round of the readathon to jump-start my interest in my favorite hobby. On my TBR I have Renegades by Marissa Meyer, Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo, The Last Wish by Andrzej Sapkowski, A Study in Charlotte by Brittany Cavallaro, and The Sinister Mystery of the Mesmerizing Girl by Theodora Goss.

Now, there is no way I can read all of those in 24 hours, and I know that. What I want to do is read anywhere from 100 to 200 pages of each and just get my interest piqued.

NaNoWriMo

I am planning on doing NaNoWriMo again this year, after my win last year, I want to try again. Even with knowing that I may not have as much time as I did last year to dedicate, I still think I can do it.

This year’s project is going to be different, and when I say different, I really mean different from anything else I’ve ever done.

I really enjoying writing darker themed fantasy and last year I wrote a Poison Ivy fanfic going into her origin and how she became a villain.

This year, I plan on writing a more lighthearted urban fantasy, I never thought I would say that. This project is currently referred to by me as Project Mystic and is about a small town that is comprised of a witch community. I love the idea of taking the idea of Stars Hollow from Gilmore Girls and adding in a strong witch community with witches of various practices,  and then a new family moves to town for the first time in generations. Chaos and hilarious hijinks go on from there. I love the idea and I think it could so funny. I’ve never written a comedy before so I have high hopes for this.

Going to see Marissa Meyer 

During November I also plan on going to Marissa Meyers book signing for Supernova in Tacoma. I am so excited and thats why Renegades is on my TBR for the readathon, I really need to catch up on her new trilogy. I’m so excited for this because I get to meet up with a cousin and she’s coming with me to the signing, so its gonna be a great time.

Well, that’s what’s been going on in my life lately, if you read all the way through to here, thank you so much for sticking with my rambling. I hope to get back on track with managing my time and being able to post more, that way I’ll avoid another rambly post like this one.

Catching Up and Looking forward Hello Everyone! Its been a while since I've posted anything so I thought I would post about what's been going on in my life and what's coming up.

[kaayafaye-blog]

Writer and Fear of Social Media

Visiobibliophobia or prosopobibliophobia is the fear of social media which can either be because you have commitment issues or because you have a fear of rejection. Either way if your answer is yes, then we are on the same page. And, we are not alone. But, it is surprising how less this is talked about. Social media may be all hip and happening but it is also scary and fad for some. Being a content writer, I see how many people approach us to write their Facebook and Instagram bio. We spend hours thinking which emoji will increase sales. It is serious, funny, and stupid at the same time. I remember when I started my blog, I was super nervous. It was hard to connect it to social media, especially because my Facebook is full of family members and close friends. The fear of coming out as yet another #wannabewriter was real. For almost 1 year I wouldn’t dare sharing my posts on Facebook. I, with some guts, created a Facebook page. But again, I could not publish it. When, I finally published the page, I unpublished it within a week.  

  Talk about social media being boon, huh! Okay, let’s be honest, it is a boon. Put to it this way, the social media is a platform and I have stage fear. “Urgh! Boring articles.” or “Typical angrezi poems.” were some of the most dreaded statements that scared my ass off. But, here I am writing another article. How did I grow out of the social media terror? Um, honestly? I didn’t. Except my website post, there’s hardly anything I post on my feeds. There are like 50,000 social media guides asking writers to use 30 hashtags, post 3 times a day at so-and-so o’clock, keep a track of their follower’s interest, like a 50,0000 photos a day, and follow who-is-who of social media fame. Dammit, do I have a life outside Instagram and Facebook! But, again. Am I a blogger without an audience? So, how do you get past this hell of a gallimaufry?  

1. Have Some Confidence in Yourself

You can do it. Commitment, consistency, and persistence are super hard. They can make you sweat, your heartbeat jump, and your mind anxious. But, there is no other way to success that going through them rather than around them. Around is a lengthy process - and way more time taking. Sometimes, you end up before reaching your destination. Even if you do not have any self control, you can still try. Try is a life saver and do not forget about the “what if” game. What if, I actually write and publish consistently? I actually became famous? All my dreams are realized? It works out? I were being a total nutcase for doubting yourself? Begin with small goals. There is no need to start a blog with an aim to publish each day or every week. 4 posts a month is also a pretty cool target and does not even sound tough. You can totally kill it! Try not to procrastinate because research shows that procrastination eats the same amount of energy as doing what you are not doing. Procrastinating will only mean one thing - double efforts. Write it. Get over it. Lead a happy life. Or may be go back to sleep.  

2. Have Some Confidence in Your Art

The biggest fear in me comes from doubt - “Will my readers like what I have to say?”. I am pretty sure many of us share this fear. But, let’s try to improve instead of molding ourselves to get a false fan base. I see poets copy each other all the time. You could just look at some poets feed and tell which famous public figure’s feed is imitated here (hint: most likely Atticus, Perry Poetry, or Rupi Kaur). Stick to your originality - we already have a Shakespeare and a J.K. Rowling. Sure, some people are going to like you, some are going to hate you, and others won’t care you exist. But, that is totally normal. It happens with me all the time - at home, in school, in college, at office, everywhere. It happens with Emma Watson too. Just because 200 people on Instagram don’t like your stuff doesn’t mean the rest of 7,530,399,800 won’t find you absolutely awesome. Ever heard the story of the poet Henry Charles Bukowski? Today, Wikipedia introduces him as ‘poet’, ‘novelist’, and ‘short story writer’. But, what was he before all of this? He was a wandering hobo who took up many odd jobs until Jon Edgar Webb found him in 1960s. Bukowski wrote thousands of poems and published over 60 books. He was known for his explicit imagery and profane language. However, he never changed just to try to impress a bunch of people. Born and brought up poor, he hardly had any fear of losing what he was generously offered - money and reputation. Well, you can be that kind of risque by sticking to your writing style.  

3. Hush That Stupid Voice in the Mind

I read somewhere “Our brains are designed to be efficient not accurate.” Next time your brain tells you that you won’t be able to make it, tell yourself he is just being your nit-picky aunt again. Your negative thoughts are your defense system, satisfy them with a plan B not by dropping your dream plan A. Sure you are gonna make it. Sure you are gonna be a famous poet. That novel is going hit the best-selling list. You are going to have your big, huge, humongous fan base. Do not forget that J.K. Rowling or Stephen King were not found on Facebook or Instagram.  

4. Ping The House - Being Traditional Ain’t That Bad Either

Keep honing your writing skills and sample your best poems or story outlines to send to a publishing house. Did someone just call me insane? If you are waiting since forever to take this leap of faith then I think you know who is insane. What could go wrong? They will reject you, big deal! I remember having a chat about getting published with an aunt and she said “If you are not rejected by 20 publishers, then you have written nothing great.” This may not sound meaningful but it is. Only mediocre stories and poems are a safe zone. Write 5 liners about losing love, women empowerment, being self-sufficient and you are good to go. But, do you really wanna do that? Do you really want to write something that you yourself are bored of reading? Well, then take chances and hustle without losing confidence, intention, and positivity.  

5. Do Not Leave Your Day Job

Been there, done that, currently working in IT. I took a 6-months’ break thinking the day job is not leaving me enough time to write anything. What did I write in those 6 months? Hardly anything at all. I was too messed up in my mind about being broke. Find a middle way - say take a job that leave you soon or that gives your enough space to write for yourself. Sure there is going to be the ideal job somewhere, probably waiting for you. This way, you will not have to worry about earning through your write ups. Once that kind of pressure if off you, you will feel less compelled to appease anyway with your writings. A free bird chirping its own song!  

6. Do Not Compare

You might be comparing someone’s middle with your beginning, which is, unrealistic.  

7. Shrug and Move On with That Post

#postalltherightthings Despite everything said and done, the fear of posting the wrong thing remains as horrifying as ever before. The neck-chocking-crotch-kicking compulsion of posting only the best quotes, pictures, and headlines have curtailed possibilities of trying anything new. I still struggle with what to post. I post and delete, post and delete, and stick to delete because I cannot decide whether the picture goes with the rest of my feed. Does it go with the palette I have decided? The color scheme? The theme? I really have to remind myself it is my feed not a theme park. I can say what I want, how I want, and in color of my choice. So can you.   These mantras help me from getting bummed by social media. I can write that which I want to write without worrying about the day when I will finally hit 1M on Instagram or be pursued by Neil Patel. Read the full article

[billiamthies]

Yooka Laylee Review

Yooka Laylee see's the return of the classic 3D "collectathon," but how does the genre hold up?

 Crowd funded games have created a sort of distrust between creators and players. There seems to be a narrative that Kickstarted games will be bad or may not come out at all. Of course everyone ignores Shovel Knight, because that game is just a beautiful miracle.

 Some creators may have the vision of a game, but not the practicality to manage a budget and a creative team. Kickstarter has even contributed to misconceptions about how much games cost and what is necessary to complete them. A game like Yooka Laylee did not cost Playtonic 2 million to make. The money raised on Kickstarter was just a portion of its budget. Unlike many kickstarters, Yooka Laylee is a game that was completed well within the vision of the creators. Yooka Laylee’s creative team was built around veterans of Rare: a company who was best known for being a second party developer for Nintendo. Rare’s legacy was defined in the days of the Nintendo 64: Banjo Kazooie, Conker’s Bad Fur Day, and Donkey Kong 64 were all solid 3D platformers with collecting and exploring at the heart of the gameplay. They were able to stick out amongst the crowd through Rare’s unique style and sense of humor.

When Microsoft bought rare, many creators felt that the company held them back creatively. All of Rare’s major IPs were either mistreated or ignored completely. Banjo Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts was released in 2007 and felt like nothing more than a slap in the face in the face to the fans. Not only did it ditch the gameplay style the series developed through two games, but it even had the nerve to say that “players don’t want that kind of game anymore.” Yooka Laylee is a newer game developed by Playtonic, which aims to recapture the feeling and tone that many of Rare’s classic games had. But, does this genre hold any relevance in this day in age?

Personal Story:

To say I grew up with the Rare library of games would be an overstatement. I rented Banjo Kazooie from Blockbuster and I played Donkey Kong 64 with my cousin, but they were never games I had a major attachment to. I enjoyed them, they just weren’t defining games of my childhood. Though, I have to admit I was excited for Yooka Laylee. Clearly this was a passion project for Playtonic and the successful Kickstarter campaign showed fans were excited for a return to the “Buddy” collect-athon. I popped in Yooka Laylee for the first time a few weeks ago and it felt like all of the elements were there. The art style: these characters would fit perfectly in line in the Rare world,  the dialog: the fourth wall breaking, filthy humor of Rare is still in tact, the annoying voices, the collectables, the characters. The game truly looks the part of a Nintendo 64-era Rare game. The only thing is that the Nintendo 64 wouldn’t be able to do is create these huge worlds. At its heart Yooka Laylee is Banjo Threeie or Donkey Kong 65.

The Story:

Yooka Laylee stars Yooka, a chameleon and Laylee, a bat. 

The game’s villain is Capital B, the CEO of Hivory Towers.

 Capital B has a plan to take over the world which involves him stealing all of the world’s books; Yooka and Laylee travel to the headquarters to collect pagies and quills: they use the pagies to unlock more locations and the quills to unlock new abilities. Along the way they’re joined by a wide cast of characters like Trowzer, a snake (its a penis joke), and Dr. Puzz an alien who can help Yooka and Laylee take on weird transformations, including an apparently sexy plant. Yooka Laylee controls just like Banjo Kazooie, complete with terrible swimming mechanics and a sometimes confusing camera. The moves Yooka and Laylee learn eventually help them to overcome knew challenges. Yooka can swallow different kinds of fruits to spit up different attacks and Laylee can help the two glide around or uncover hidden objects with Sonar. Many of the challenges require these skills and as you get through the game you use them to solve simple puzzles to collect pagies.

By collecting pagies and exploring Hivory Towers, secrets are discovered and new areas become open. There are discoveries to be made everywhere, with hidden quills and missions to be found in every corner of the game. There is absolutely no guidance, it is up to you to find everything and anything.

In each world there are a total of 25 pages and 200 quills to collect. These worlds are massive and can be expanded once enough pages are collected and exchanged. Pagies are collected through completing missions, and often missions are curated by different characters: Like Rex-o the 64 bit T-rex who owns an arcade machine, Klipto the mine cart, a racing cloud, and hey Shovel Knight! 

Pages can also be found by completing ability based and skill based challenges. Once you figure locate an objective, none of the challenges are too complex, the true challenge that I found is finding out where to go. Despite there being such a high volume of collectables, they are certainly spread out far. In Yooka Laylee, stages are massive to the point where it almost feels like its an open world. Of course the levels are secluded from each other, but these levels are massive and can even be expanded. The problem is that to find or do anything you have to explore, the game gives you no direction at all. As a 3D Platformer, the exciting parts are the puzzle solving, the collecting, and well the platforming, but because the game is almost built like an open world, the exploration is less about finding hidden collectables and more about just finding something to do. You don’t explore to have fun to explore to find something fun.

In order to entice players to take that extra step and want to explore the world, you have to grip them first. Let’s go back to Mario 64...

Each level in that game had a pretty obvious first star to collect, this let you gain a pretty good familiarity with the level, and later you could explore and find secrets, but it had to grip you first. 

At the start of Yooka Laylee, there is no incentive to explore because you’re not yet invested in the game. And once I became more invested it was less about looking around the level and continued to be about finding something to do. I think that comes with the fact that the world’s aren’t interesting: the characters are, but the world itself isn’t. I’m so tired of seeing the same themes in every platforming game I play, Ice, Tropics, Casino, Lava- its all the same. I would be less critical of the level themes if I didn’t spend so much time meandering. There’s no direction, there’s no urgency, and the insanely high number of quills and pagies to collect in every level makes everything you do find seem insignificant in the grand scheme of the game. I spent hours in the first level before I realized that I could move on to the second level, there were no notifications or indication that I’d be able to do so. I figured that I may have to complete the level and beat the boss before moving on, but still nothing. Locations get stale quickly and I think the oversized worlds could have done better if the expansions happened in multiple parts, instead of just one large expansion per world. Choosing your spawn point could help as well. Searching for objectives doesn't feel like exploring, but rather a quest to end a perpetual boredom, and that ultimately spoils the rest of the of experience.

The purchase of Rare by Microsoft prevented Rare from continuing to make 3D platformers, and with that we really saw the death of the collectathon genre. Everything about the genre was created through technical limitation: the Nintendo 64’s development started as a result of the Super Nintendo’s limitations; hub worlds connecting locations and multiple objectives within each level were both created to deal with hardware limitations. This genre has been ignored for nearly 20 years and because of that its had no time to evolve alongside new technology. The wisdom of the genre is significantly less than the capabilities of modern hardware,  these giant levels are a natural step in the evolution of Rare produced games, but they never got a chance to get to the point for people to say “Whoa” thats too huge! Even though people have criticized their later games for that point exactly (Banjo Tooie/ Donkey Kong 64). Yooka Laylee would have benefitted by a faster paced more condensed world. Sure add secrets, secrets are fun, but a relationship between the player and the game needs to be earned, before players are invested enough to explore every inch of the world.

There’s a reason this genre has largely gone away. Gaming has evolved and now all sorts of genres have been created around concepts that were new when 3D was introduced. Tight and skill based platforming has largely seen a return to 2D and open world games have created massive places to explore. The genre was exciting when it was new, because 3D was a new dimension in gaming, but once that excitement died down 3D could no longer be a genre in itself. Yooka Laylee doesn't work because it didn’t focus on what was different about 3D collectathons verses modern games, instead it adapted the genre to modern gaming. A massive game with a massive world can be fun, but focusing on the “open world” took away form the platforming. That being said, I don’t think Yooka Laylee was a failure for Playtonic. It proved that the studio is competent and that they can replicate the Rare style. I look forward to seeing what they do in the future, but for now Yooka Laylee is going on the shelf.

[travelinghermit]

May 20

Peru has handed me one behemoth sized problem and it has three letters. Pie. I have seen them around walking around the stores, peering into their translucent showcases of glaze and marangue. I tried, I really did try to fight the urge but I love pie. What started out last week obeying my insatiable hunger, reluctantly trying a piece of chocolate cake in Contumaza expecting a hard cardboard like mouthful, turned my relief into bliss. This morning I had a wonderful meal of a fried egg and chicken sandwich with a coffee. I was satisfied walking back to my hotel to pack up my things and get ready to head out on another day on the road then I pass a cafe with the largest lemon marangue pie I have ever seen. The pie itself was normal but the marangue was half a ruler size in height. A true spectacle to behold. I asked the lady how much from outside 8 soles. I didnt care I was already sold, then I walked in and saw a cappuccino machine. Now we had a problem. This is the longest I have gone without wifi. Ironically on the same week I challenged myself to no youtube videos, no social media, no phone use except for writing here on Tumblr, email, and of course my GPS maps. It has helped me succeed my goal now only one day away but it has also not allowed me to write anything on here since Tuesday. I checked into my hotel room in Trujillo Tuesday afternoon, room was great and I was right overhead of a wifi router eveything was going great until the next day when the wifi inexplicably shut down with no explanation from the hotel manager except that it had no solution. Here I am on Saturday still nothing except now im out of the city Trujillo in a small mountain village of Santiago de Chuco where here I fully expected finding nothing close resembling a wifi signal. I have had no problem with this except I dont like going long periods without further documenting this journey. Throughout this week I have read much more than usual nearly finishing my novel on the Peruvian conquest of Francisco Pizarro and his band of a few hundred Spaniards. I would have liked to save a bit of the book for when im in Cusco where it predominantly takes place but its one hell of a page turner. It angers more than it should how insanely lucky the Spaniards were not only in Mexico but maybe more so in Peru. When Pizarro and sixteen of his men first landed in Peru for merely a few days for inspection they had no idea that they unleashed a demon onto Peru in the form of small pox and then returning months later Peru was desamated by a civil war after smallpox took its Sapa Inka (Only King) and his two sons one in Cusco the other in Quito, Ecuador fought a bloody battle for its empty crown. Now enter Spaniards who slipped in , took advantage of this situation, looted Peru of all its gold and silver.. which was a hell of a lot. Raped, enslaved, and killed the Peruvians, and converted them all to Catholicism. Now here we are today. I didnt do much in Trujillo for the first two days. After that adventure the days prior I was needing a rest especially from the bike. First day I just walked through the city which on the outskirts atleast looks like the desert is winning the battle taking back its land. Trujillo ia honestly a dump when you escape its old colonial downtown square. But I enjoyed my quirky room with its green and orange walls with or without wifi. Second day I ate lots and spent even more on it. Third I actually did something. I woke up early and visited the Archeological site of Huaca's del Luna Y Sol or Temples of the Moon and Sun. Two opposing temples facing eachother about a few hundred meters across. Built continuously from 200 A.D to 600 A.D. (I think, i have no wifi for confirmation) These temples were used by the Moche civilization a thousand years before the Inca. A cool side note about travelling North to South in Peru is I get to see all the civilizations that occupied the area pre Inca and than finally witness their splendor as the final conclusion to Peru, whereas most people start in Lima and go straight to Cusco and work backwords. I was the first person in the Museum. Always check out the museum first and then go to the actual sites. Thats a rule of mine. The Moche civilization is fascinating. All over their temples, pottery , and alike adorn the painted head of their god with its feline head and octopus body. This God craved the blood of its people to be satisfied so every year or so warriors of high status would fight one on one with clubs. When one warrior downed his opponent, dropping his head-dress and grasping the long braided hair of his foe he would be declared the victor. With this the loser would be stripped naked and held prisoner for days awaiting his eventual sacrifice to the god. I was confused by this when I asked my guide if this was an honour to be sacrificed because it obviously didnt seem like he was treated like the high class the warrior was. Yet the guide said with a certain tone of obviousness that yes this was a huge honour. So I said ok and went along with it. The sacrifices throat would be cut at the tallest platform of the temple for all the common people to witness, blood pouring into a goblet and then drunk by the High Priest, thus pleasing his God. Gnarly stuff. Every hundred years the Moche would add a new layer to its Moon temple, making seven layers in all for seven hundred years. It was eventually abandoned when El Nino and other natural disasters ravaged the area making the Moche people doubt its God and the high priests. Thats another thing there was no kings only High Priests. Over time sand completely covered both temples making them look like normal hills. It wasnt until 1990 when archeologists discovered what they really were. With the sand protecting and maintaining its walls you can still see the black, red, and yellow paint. This was no doubt the coolest historical site I have ever been to in terms of its age, how well maintained it was, and the impossible location in the desert. Obviously Angkor Wat in Cambodia is impressive but Huacas Luna Y Sol is a thousand years older than that and it was only discovered not even thirty years ago. We had a full tour of the Moon temple but couldnt even enter the Sun temple as archeologists still have a ton of work to do on it. Unfortunately and unbelievably there are no funds to enact further work and research so its just left there. Next I travelled four hundred years ahead to the Chimo civilization while only really travelling thirty kilometers. This site wasnt all that impressive yet I did pay for a guide which was a bit steep in price but the man was able to fill holes in my understanding not only on this palace of the Chimo people but on Peru history in general. Chan Chan was the name of this palace made of mud brick and rock again in the middle of the desert. It was quite bare so it was very tough on the imagination. It was strange to see this palace made four hundred years earlier not be as magestic as the first. The theme of what my guide was telling me was how much the Chimo people valued animals and water especially as engravings of fish, pelicans, and waves adorned the walls as well as diamond holes which represented fish nets. My guide and I discussed the Spaniards as he told me they destroyed much of Chan Chan aswell as Huacas Luna Y Sol looking for gold and silver. "Those Spaniards sure loved Gold" I said "Why didnt the Peruvians value it as much?" He said food and services were their main currency. Gold and Silver was in such abundance that it was worth nothing, except when worked by metal workers. I replied "The Peruvian way of exchanging goods and services actually makes much more sense then this exchange of metals that the Spaniards and our methods use today" My guide laughed in agreement. Today I hit the road again on yet another adventure. Each new day here is its own journey I thought this morning pushing my bike outside from the hotel. The previous day I was looking at my map planning my route. Two options. One was to go straight down the coast where ill have to make a slight hook right back to the interior to reach Huacas, my next destination. Option two was split from the coast immediately for the interior most likely back into the mountains and whatever else the unknown awaited me. Without saying a word all my being wanted to take that coastal road where the roads would be flat, the weather hot, riding in a tshirt, right next to the sea. Sounds great doesnt it? especially after the fiasco in the mountains previously. It was a tough choice. I asked what is the easiest choice? The coast I thought obviously. Then were taking option 2 into the mountains. And thats what I did. The morning begun with a bright sunny sky as usual on the desert coast but that didnt last long. Immediatley I was heading right back to the interior, right back where I came from the mountains. I hit three road blocks along the way waiting for construction to do whatever which altogether took well over an hour and the chain on my bike dropped from the gear twice. Which was funny I thought because thats the first thing I noticed in the morning how droopy my chain was. An annoyance but possibly the best annoyance one can have on a motorcycle. I just had to take it easy until finding a mechanic further down the road. Which what was done. Then I was back ascending the cold mountain tops high in the sky. I was freezing. Starting the day in the desert has a way of making one make bad clothing choices. I also have a fairly big rip in my backpack rain protector. I didnt feel prepared and it was a long way to the next town so at around 3pm I settled with spending the night here in Santiago de Chuco, not even close to where I wanted to be tonight. Tomorrow's going to be a lot of riding.