#this book hasnt left my mind since i finished it

[yokofukunaga]

fine, im gonna bite the bullet. is there a discord server for sacred and terrible air...

[burnedwriter]

living with Alhaitham and kaveh.

A/n:sorry for taking so long college work has started to pile up and i got caught up with it.

warnings:threesome,exhibitionism,bj,rough fucking,overall smut

sfw

🌱🏛suprisingly they are good roommates to live with when they arent fighting like an old married couple atleast.

🌱🏛Reminding kaveh that hes late for his classes,upon saying that his expression of pure shock and stress never stops making you laugh,as he hastily grabs his stuff that are scattered aroumd the house

🌱🏛kaveh is on the category of the messy roommate that leaves his architecture project papers all over the house and then doesnt remember where he has put them and thinks that he losts them,while Alhaitham is a cleanfreak and has everything where it should be and in order.

🌱🏛there isnt a week that hasnt passed by that you and kaveh havent  messed in some way with alhaitham.From making his items ‘’disappear’’ and convicing him that they were never there to begin with and hearing alhaitham say ‘’it was there a couple of minutes ago,i remember where i put it’’ to placing drawing on random pages on his books,you can always hear a small breathy laugh come out every time he sees one.

nsfw

🌱🏛kaveh has made some sex related furneture hidden deep in the house and away from the usual one,that you all have used more than once,alhaitham might midly dislike kaveh but he has to admit that kaveh is for sure creative and dirty minded.

🌱🏛threesomes?roommates with benefits the answer is yes.

🌱🏛kaveh challenged alhaitham on who is better at fucking you and with that the war began andthe winner was alhaitham without a doubt,since he started to get creative with the position and the places you two did it.

🌱🏛starting with One time alhaitham fucked you against one of the windows,the lighting at the perfect angle so kaveh could see you both from afar  while he was coming back to the house.Upon seeing that kaveh was pissed off that he was left out and adding more gasoline to the fire

🌱🏛and in return kaveh fucked you against the couch minutes before alhaitham was going to come home just so you could get caught by him,kaveh smiled hearing the sound of keys unlocking the door.there have been multiple times you have had a threesome and tonight was one of those days.......

🌱🏛Sadwiched between the two men,with  kaveh filling your mouth with his cock while alhaitham  pounded into you from behind ,mercilesly rolling his hips.Strong arms holding your hips in place to keep you in place.

‘‘you look so beautiful with my cock wrapped around your lips dear’‘kaveh teased a hand placed in you hair brushing them off of your face,reaveling lustful eyes looking up at him.

kaveh jerked his hips hitting the back of your throat over and over again,gagging sounds filling the room as well as groans and moans from the men.

‘‘i dont think our pet can say a lot right now’‘you hear alhaitham say his thrusts never slowing done but becoming more sloppy,the knot in your stomach starting to grow stronger and stronger with each thrust alhaitham did pushed you closer to the finish line.

feeling kaveh throb in your mouth as well as alhaitham twitching inside you indicating they are close themselves to their orgasm and with one last stroke both men reached their climax including you with alhaitham filling you up to the brim with his seed and with kaveh releasing inside your mouth,you could feel the warm sticky liquid coming down your throat as you swallowed.

[hollowaluminumvessel]

Post-114 (Still Not Ferin Well) headcanons 🤗

long post, Hcs for gillion, Jay and chibo under the cut ♥

Gillion(real)

-since his lay on hands wasn't an immediate reaction, all of his missing skin and the holes in his hands became scar tissue.

-once they got back to the ship and everything was calm again, his hair was soooo ratty and knotted. The crew spent ages combing it out, washing out the blood and grime, and making sure it was tied up next time they did something like that.

-when doppelgilly was voided and became a husk, Gillion felt bad. He knew that he shouldn't, he knew that doppelgilly was some evil copy of himself but doppelgilly looked, acted, and felt like himself. It was like looking in a mirror.

-to chip, Jay, and the rest of the crew, he has literally never looked worse. He looks exhausted, he looks beaten. To gil thoigh, he thinks that hes seen worse. He hasnt. The moment he was healed, they sent him to the tub.

-he nearly fell asleep in the elevator, and then while Jay and Gryffon helped with his hair.

-Gillion WILL have lasting trauma and you are NOT changing my mind. I mean no chance he doesn't right?? A Triton literally said to him, WHILE CHAINED, "YOU ABANDONED US." COME ON BRO THATS NOT EVEN THE WORST OF IT

-when Gil was first taken, his neck literally broke. It's verbally stated that if he hadn't casted death ward, he would literally be dead. And he was yanked upwards, as if he were hanged. That bitch should be DEAD AF DAWG. DEAD

Jay

-Jay is second guessing herself like the sky literally fell and it's her fault. She's questioning her role, her right to be a leader, even her life. She spends that night crying as quiet as she can. It felt good, she hasn't had a good silent sob session in a few months. She needed to let it out.

-When Jay put together that Gillion was actually doppelgillion, the loud noises started happening and she fuckin BOOKED IT over to the leviathan room. She got them into this mess, if she didn't get them out she'd never forgive herself.

-when gillion was sent to the tub and the rest of the crew left to do whatever they pleased, chip held Jay back. He told her that it wasn't all her fault. He said that he doesn't blame her for indulging on information about her sister, because why else are they going to the hole in the sea? For laughs? No, it's for chip to do the same thing. They hug then. And then they go about their day/night.

-Jay's hair is singed. When they finished with Gillions hair, they turn to Jay's and cut it as short as she'll let them. Her hair used to be around waist length, as she'd ignored it for a while, only doing so much as to brush it every morning and night to prevent knotting, and goddamn that shit was greasy. She wasn't the only one though so they didn't put it past her. Her hair after the cut is probably upper back to shoulder length. Queen comes along and helps her style it so she doesn't look stupid like she thinks she does.

-she denies that she likes it at all. She's lying and they all know it.

Chip

-im gonna be so fr with myself and say I haven't paid the most attention to chibo so if I get anything character-wise wrong, mercy 🙏

-chips bones are weaker now, some even broken from when he opened the drawer and the ringing rang. Griz said it splintered through his bones, I'm not letting that go

-anyway think like Hector from coco. Some bones are split and broken, some are being held together with medical tape, etc. Basically he's more broken than ever.

-in the fight with the holloweds on the ship. One of them managed to get a lucky shot right on the hole in his chest where his heart should be. Later that night, it burns. He scratches, he rubs, he does anything he can to make the burn go away but nothing works. It seems to have lessened the next day though, so he's not worried.

-theres discolored bruising around his neck where the slimy tongue is.

-on the same note, chip was being dragged much slower, so his neck didn't break, but he was held much tighter.

-when chip told Jay it wasn't her fault, it was all he could do to keep from crying. Because deep down, he thinks it was his. He's the one taking them to the hole, he's the one that brought them into this mess in the first place. He wished he'd never met anyone on this ship, so at least they'd be safe, home, and away from this. He's disappointed in himself. He's angry and sad and he's so upset that he's putting his crew through this nonsense.

-chip thinks the fact that doppelgilly pulled some of the worst cards back to back was hilarious. Then he looks at gillion later on and sees how he's contemplating and he rethinks. He doesn't really change his mind, but he rethinks.

[sca-rian]

RECAP OF CELLBIT'S STREAM, 05/05

investigating quesadilla island!! the man has gone full detective and lore mode. here's a link of my recap of his previous stream if you want to catch up. only updating on the first 5 hours of stream, since after he switches to more casual building/chatting

cellbit's plan for the day is investigating the mystery within quesadilla island. he even got a special skin for this occasion

he started a diary to keep notes of what he finds within his investigations. i compiled what he wrote so far and translated it in this file

he also finished his office/investigation room!! its under his house

he left the favela with philza and he's asking phil some questions regarding how they got to the server and how his days in the server went by so far

philza is telling him about his experience exploring the structures he found in the sky and his encounter with the binary code entity, which fit exploded with a bomb

philza gave cellbit the coordinates he got from the entity (2530, 66, 1892)

he's now asking philza about the eggs

(this section of the stream is in english, in case anyone is interested. i will get the correct timestamps once vode is out, but roughly it should be around 30 mins in until the 1 hour mark)

he's now heading to the train station where everyone arrived to investigate

after not finding anything other than the puzzles (which weirded him out due to why such a thing would need to exist and why it feels like everyone is being tested), he moved to explore the ship where the brazilians arrived

he's revisiting the puzzle found in the ship with the letters/flags. it involves the international code of signals. the letters were KXUT, meaning the following:

    K - "i wish to communicate with you"

    X - "stop carrying out your intentions and watch for my signals"

    U - "you are running into danger"

    T - "keep clear of me"

cellbit believes it was like a warning for them to not approach the island

he went to meet up with maximus and foolish. he's telling them about when he got attacked by the binary code entity

they all went to his office and are now discussing the flag puzzle/codes

they're rewatching the tapes now

cellbit, foolish and maximus are heading to the coordinates phil gave cellbit earlier

the location is close to luzu's house, and foolish explained to cellbit what has been supposedly going on with luzu and an ai called erin (i have personally not been keeping up with this part of the qsmp, so im not entirely sure)

(once again, this section is in english if you want to watch for yourself. will get exact timestamps later, but roughly between tge 2 hour and 3 hour mark)

RICHARLYSON STEPPED ON A MINE MY GOD MY HEART I WAS SO SCARED HE WAS GONNA DIE. hes fine tho!!!

they're speculating the federation got luzu and thats why he hasnt been on the server. also that the building they found (picture above) is how luzu's mind stays alive and in the server somehow, since it looks like a machine

rip tree

theyre speculating the number "8" on the building might be counting the eggs that are currently alive

cellbit's main theory right now is that they're stuck in a simulation and are being tested

cellbit also mentioned he doesnt think the eggs are real or that theyre a way to manipulate them to stay in the island and not search for a way to leave. obviously, the others dont want to believe that

(guys i think cellbit is going a bit insane)

cellbit thinks they should find a way to break out of the simulation

cellbit is now speculated that when the eggs got kidnapped the federation placed something inside the eggs, thats why theyre cracked. bbh added that maybe they took a sample out of them to do experiments

theyre discussing ways to try and break out of the simulation/leave the island

A BOOK WITH BINARY CODE SHOWED UP ON HIS INVENTORY ???? the code translates to "LEAVE"

theyre going to try and see if they can leave the island by following the train rails. the eggs will stay with poor philza minecraft

AS SOON AS THEY LEFT, PHILZA AND THE EGGS GOT ATTACKED BY THE BINARY CODE ENTITY HOLY SHIT????????? thankfully, bbh placed a teleporter thing and they all managed to go back quickly. however, once they arrived the binary code entity was already gone

after that, they gave up on exploring the rails and all went their separate ways

bobby drowned while trying to escape the binary entity.

cellbit is really scared right now that richarlyson might be attacked again, he feels guilt somehow since he believes the entity is attacking because of what he has been doing/saying

cellbit was watching the clip of philza and the eggs being attacked. he realized it was initially cucorucho who turned into the binary entity

the binary code on the entity translates to "AI" ...... possibly linking back to the luzu situation they were discussing earlier

the next session of the stream is cellbit and richarlyson expanding the basement to include more stuff. cellbit also plans to make an interrogation room for people he thinks are suspicious (quackity)

theyre now going to visit roier and bobby. richarlyson made bobby a little gift :)

cellbit told roier that he thinks the attacks are his fault. cellbit told him it was probably a warning from the entity

cellbit also told him that cucorucho became one of the binary entities

maximus is building a transmission tower to send messages in all languages to the server. cellbit is absolutely losing it at his portuguese

they went back home to keep working on the basement

cellbit is teaching richarlyson how to play chess (this is an important update). richarlyson lost, but cellbit told him to just shoot the opponent when he loses

quackity logged on and cellbit mentioned he might interrogate quackity on sunday

as cellbit was ending his stream, cucorucho showed up on his basement

now, over 5 hours into the stream, cellbit will be changing into more casual minecraft gameplay to work on his base and overall taking a break soon. i will be closing the stream and ending this post. will update later if anything more happens!! once again, feel free to dm me/send asks if you have any questions, comments or requests for clips/timestamps/translations <3

[dr4cking]

Tutor

draco malfoy x reader | smut | fluff

"miss y/n, this is getting horrible, you have been failed at my class so many times, your grades isnt doing better, now all i can do is to suggest you by getting a tutor" professor slughorn sighed handing y/n her last test disappointedly.

"im sorry professor, i promise i will try harder and get better" y/n took her paper and going back to her seat.

"im sure you're a great student, you just need some help. uhm- mr. malfoy? do you mind tutoring your classmate here, miss y/n? its only you who is the bestest in my class" the professor asked to one of the best students, the famous draco malfoy, y/n gulped and waiting nervously for his answer. she had this little crush on him since they always had classes together and she's in the same house as him, but they were not exactly 'close'.

"oh i dont mind, professor. its my pleasure" draco answers politely, taking a look at y/n making the girl look down and blush, a smile appeared to his face. little did she know, he has a big crush on the lovely girl who seemed clueless about all the hints he gave her almost everyday.

professor slughorn just nodded and dismissed the class, everyone packed their things and left, y/n look at draco who's already staring at her with a genuine smile plastered in his face, motioning her to follow him. she feels like her heart jumped out of the place, she follows him behind as draco walking them to his room.

as they arrived in draco's room, y/n admires the design, it was elegant and neat. typical rich slytherins room.

"it looks nice" y/n said opening the conversation.

"thanks, put my hardest work to make it look the best. here, take a seat beside me" draco patting the side of his couch, there's a small table in front of the couch.

y/n took a seat beside him, and placing her books to the table, the tension was so awkward that she wished she was a talkative person.

draco started the lesson, y/n learned faster from the way draco explained it than in the class, but she would be lying if she said she hasnt lost her focuses a few times to studying draco's face, he's just so beautiful. she thinks he didnt noticed, but he did, he just keep it to himself.

after hours studying, y/n feels like her head will going to explode in a minute, she decided to take a break.

"god can we take a break, draco? this is so stressing, why cant i just be smart like you, dont get me wrong you're a great tutor but im just too dumb" y/n protested, massaging her head and rubbing her face in frustration.

"oh y/n dont say that! we can take a break of course, but to make you feel better, i promise you, you're doing so great now, you've improved a lot, im so proud of you" draco said cheering her up, his hand goes to tucked her hair behind her ear reassuring her.

y/n look up to draco, giving him a sweet shy smile and her cheeks turns red as draco keeps complimented her, before they know it they were leaning into each other and their lips met, the kisses were soft and lovely, draco cupped her cheeks caressing it gently while y/n wrapped her arms around the back of his neck pulling him closer tugging at his hair deepening the kisses making both of them let out a small moans.

as the kisses turn into a full makeout and got heated, draco lays her down gently on the couch placing soft wet kisses on her neck, sucking on it, marking her causing her to let out a soft moan, he placed one of his hand on her thigh rubbing small circles until his hand got higher, he pulled away.

"do you wanna take this further, love? we can stop now if you dont want to" draco asked and y/n shakes her head no and put his hand back to her inner thigh.

"no draco please keep going i want you, i need this" draco groans and he continues rubbing her clit from her panties feeling the wetness that already make a spot on her panties, soft whines escaped her lips as draco keep teasing her clit, he pushes her panties aside and insert one finger inside her making y/n let out a constant squeal and she covered her mouth quickly, her eyes rolled back at the pleasure.

y/n's moans were muffled by her hand, draco cant help but getting harder by looking at her expression, he still cant believe he finally got the girl he always adored like this, he added another fingers into her cunt, curling them inside her making the girl squirmed under his touch.

"dont cover your mouth, let me hear your beautiful voice, show me how good i make you feel, love" draco said as he takes her hand off of her mouth and intertwining their hands instead with his free hand while his fingers still working their way in and out of her tight hole getting faster each time, he stares at her in awe, how gorgeous she looks right now, mouth hung open, eyes rolled back in pleasure and all because of him, he feels butterflies filling his stomach.

"yes- yes draco, oh god.. you make me feel so good" draco go down to her pussy, pulling off her panties, putting her thighs on his shoulder and positioning his face in front of her glistening cunt and started to eat her out making y/n a moaning mess, he let out a moan too at the taste of her, getting addicted to it, he can even eat her out for all day if she let him.

"do you like the way my tongue plays with your pretty pussy, love? mhmm you taste so fucking delicious baby" draco keeps sucking on her clit, its like he was making out with it, his tongue going in and out of her hole his fingers going with the same pace as his tongue.

"ah- yes draco i love it, oh- please im so close" y/n keep moaning uncontrollably while her hand grasping tightly onto his hair.

"yes baby, let it out, cum on my tongue, let me taste you, darling" draco wants nothing more than to pleasure her right now, making this moment unforgettable for both of them, and within seconds y/n screams his name and cumming hard on his mouth, laying breathlessly still steadying her breath after her intense orgasm.

draco pulled away and y/n blushing madly looking at his face, his mouth covered in her juices, he smiles proudly at her, sucking his fingers clean, and hovered over her, reconnecting their lips, y/n hummed at the taste of herself on his tongue. draco started to unbuttoned her shirt, taking her bra off too and throw them to somewhere, he hungrily kissing her breasts, playing with her nipples causing y/n to get wetter while her hands working on his belt and taking his pants off, his erected dick slapped up to his lower stomach, she took it in her tiny hand and stroking it massaging the tip, making him groans.

"god.. you're so beautiful y/n.." y/n mumbles a quick 'thankyou' at the compliment getting impatient, wanting nothing more than to be taken by the blonde guy.

"draco, please, i need you so bad" she cant take it anymore, she wanted to feel him, wrapping him inside her tightly, she whimpers at the feel of his hard dick rested on her thigh.

"your wish is my command, princess" draco lining up his dick on her cunt, rubbing his tip up and down on her clit lubricate it before slowly pushing in, they both moaning each other names out loud at the sensation, both of their heads thrown back and eyes screwed shut in pleasure, y/n wrapped her legs on his waist pulling him deeper, draco paused a moment as he was fully inside her, letting her adjust to his size.

"you can move draco, god you're so big" y/n dug her nails onto his back as he slowly made a move, pulling out until its just his tip inside and slamming it back again, making y/n bites her bottom lip.

draco started to pick up his pace, pushing her legs to her chest making more access as he continues to thrust in and out deeper and faster inside her, he put his hands next to the side of her face to support his weight, y/n runs her hands on his chest, scratching it, her breasts bouncing up and down under him.

"merlin, you're so tight baby feels so good, fuck- how can someone feels this good-" draco said as he kissed her lips, his lips trembling against hers, he bites softly on her bottom lip to hold his scream as he feels her walls clenching around him, squeezing him tighter.

"oh my god- draco, right there, holy-" y/n cant even finishes her words as she screams louder when draco keeps hitting her spot, going deeper and faster each time, bringing her to her high.

"baby, are you close?" y/n nodded at his question, cant even answer him as she was too focused as the coil started to tighten in her stomach.

"good baby, cause i cant hold it much longer, now cum love, cum for me" draco rubbed a circle on her clit, his thrusts getting sloppier, y/n screamed his name out loud seeing the stars as she finally hit her orgasm, harder than the first one and draco cant help at the feeling of her walls clenching really hard around him after her high, he spilled his thick cum inside her, painting her walls white non stop, making both of them groans, his vision going blurry, he collapsed on top of y/n, burying his face on her hair, running out of breath, their bodies started to shake.

"fuck y/n that was amazing, you are too good for me, love" draco kiss her lips again as he finished, he pulls out gently, but before he can stand up he falls to her side, both of them laughs.

"look at what you did to me, y/n" draco laughed as he slowly standing up to get the towel and clean her up.

"if this is how the tutoring ends, i wouldnt mind doing it again" y/n said, smirking to him confidently as draco helped her up to his bed, giving her a cheeky grin.

[godzas]

i have so many thoughts abput orvie it hasnt left my mind once since i finished it. its a love story but not in the way you think, its a love story between everyone and kim dokja. do u know how annoying it is to see ppl who have finished the book just go heehee yaoi. i dont know how someome can read it and not absorb the themes. to be fair you have to have a certain iq to read orv. joking. but i cant handle people misinterpreting it. yes theyre gay and they also arent its schrodingers gay. unrelated note i have seen ppl call kdjs sexuality schrondingers box but for dick and thats so right. you think that man would ever let someone love him?

[drkcnry67]

join me?

title: join me?

pairing: Jared x reader

rating: 18+

fluff: single parent AU

kink: shower sex

tags: shower sex, single parent x single nanny, vaginal penetration, climax, asking someone you know to become your partner in raising your child

summery: not telling

mentioning @sweetness47​

created for @spnfluffbingo​ @spnkinkbingo​

kink list   fluff list

the following AD you had placed on all the job boards:

“if you are a Single parent in need of someone to move in to help look after your kids, clean, cook for you Im that person. obviously i can cook, clean, drive, shop for groceries you know the esentials. basically anything you would require of me i can accomplish. call me at xxx-xxx-xxxx, to discuss details. sincerely YN. PS im willing to relocate if needbe. thank you for reading this.”

just like that it was done, it was posted. now, all you had to do was wait. someone was bound to call eventually. 

after 3 weeks you were about to re-post the ad, your phone rang. someone from san Antonio, as far as you were concerned you knew of no one who lived in that corner of the world. 

you took a chance and answered the call. 

YN: hello!

Jared: yes, im looking for YN

YN: thats me

Jared: perfect, my name is Jared Padalecki. i’m a single father to a 4 year old boy named Thomas. he’s my mess maker & i love him to bits. but balancing between work and parenting is alot harder than most people think. my wife had divorced me she felt like i didnt care enough about her or the foundation she built, so one night she walked out and i havent seen her since. so anyway i was looking through the ads for live in nanny when i came across yours. your ad drew me to it, im sorry if this sounds too forward but its been hard. 

YN: not at all. so what are the terms of this job?

Jared: well, as we speak im just finishing the details of your flight to San Antonio which first of all i need your current location like where you are coming from and how much baggage you are bringing. 

YN: thats very kind of you to book me a flight. im coming from San Francisco with 3 suitcases and 2 carry ons. most of it are small keepsakes and other sich clothing items i pick up along the way. but not a big deal i just dont have a permenant home to leave anything at. so if you dont mind me coming with all my little nik naks and figurines...

Jared chuckled in the background before he spoke.

Jared: girl, i think we can deal with that. ill buy some wall shelves and a special case for your statues and figures, with enough room that should you want more you can get more. There will be a vehicle you can use to transport my son to school and do errands and stuff like that, there will be a spare room included for you with your own bathroom. The shopping can be done by you after you drop my son off to school on a day of your choosing. If you like all that your duties do not include yard maintenence. You are free to take my son out for shopping trips as well, you get a shared card to my all expense account to do all your spending for the house and for yourself. It goes straight to my account it's all good. I want your time here to be awesome.

YN: this is my cell, please tell me you have some good news about my flight details. 

Jared: check your texts. 

You check your messages before you go back to the call.

YN: thats a good flight, so what kind of plans are for when i get there. 

Jared: well if you want we can go get the groceries when you arrive, after we leave the airport. then we can go for lunch and get you a few pretty things. sign some bank papers to put your name in my accounts. 

Yn: that sounds good, I've just sent notice to my landlord, I'm just packing up some of my figures now. I'm gonna have to get my license and stuff switched over to Texas state license but I'm excited for this.

Jared: i know as am i its been a while since we had any type of female presence in the house. we havent any such thing, but tomorrow that all changes. i know that you are gonna bring a light into our lives that hasnt been here in well ever. 

YN: glad i can help, now lets see whats the day tomorrow yields. 

Jared: i am so excited, so is my son. he keeps asking when you are gonna be here. but it is gonna be a happy day tomorrow. i know that this is gonna sound strange, but i hope your the one that can save me.

you heard his tone change instantly, you felt the power coming from it. you felt the wet in your panties. you were not okay in the slightest. but you felt amazing at the same time. 

YN: i guess ill let you go. ill shoot you a text when i get to the airport. cause i want to help you. i want to be the one to save you. 

neither of you knew what the hell just happened, neither of you would remember what was said, at the end of it neither of you would be able to state the words of the other. it will remain that way till a different day in the near off future. 

Jared: ill see you tomorrow... YN.

YN: jared.

the call ended, it was the moment when you felt like you could breathe again. the moment when you felt as though it would be your last. the moment when you felt like you were on cloud 9. 

you went to the cornerstore to get a few travel items. a few other things as well. a lot of times before you travel you do this kind of big shop, but this time was not like most times. Jared was providing everything for you, you had to bring you and what you currently owned, as well as your documents and stuff like that. 

after cleaning most of what you could in the apartment, you set your alarm and went to bed. you woke up to your 6:00am alarm. it was a long time but you were also a good half hour to the airport. you wanted plenty of time for check in and travel distance. 

finishing packing, leaving your keys to the apartment in the hands of your landlord who helped you bring your bags out the front door. she wished you a safe trip and to call if you were ever in the area again. 

you brought your bags to the cab and got in. you told the driver to take you to the airport. upon arrival at the airport, the cab driver helped you load your bags onto a cart and drove off.  you pushed the cart into the airport, went to the check in desk. 

check in lady: may i see your ticket and passport please?

You hand over your ticket and passsport. the lady scans your ticket and hands both your passport and ticket back to you. 

check in lady: alright your good to go, the gift shop is open if you want to stop there, its just on your left passed security.

Yn: do I give you my suitcases! Well at least the ones that aren't carry ons.

Check in lady ushers for a security guard to come round to take the 3 suitcases from you. To which you smile and thank them and head off to go through security.

Security guard: please put all your bags in a bin, your jacket and shoes as well as your jewelry in this bin and then you can stand on this square we will bring you through and go from there.

you did as asked. you complied you went to stand on the square, were waved through, the thing didnt beep but you were still patted down and then given your stuff back.  sent on your merry way, you were happily walking through the airport again. 

you went to the gift shop, you were buying a few puzzle books to keep you entertained on the flight. as well as a dress off the rack and some playing cards (one of each type), and some statues. these ones were small but made you smile.

you paid for everything and then went to the bathroom to change and organize your bags. you come out of the bathroom, your hair is up in a ponytail. you go take a seat holding your passport and ticket. 

after half hour of sitting there, your flight number was called. You pulled out your phone, texting Jared.

Yn (by text): morning, I am about to board my flight

Jared (by text): morning, I hope you have a safe flight, Thom and i cant wait to see you. Thom made you a sign we will be holding it, you have my word and honor that we will be good, we will all get along quite good. 

YN (by text): of course, as do i. i look forward to getting to San Antonio and beginning a new life. the pre flight is starting ill let you know when i land. 

Jared (by text): have a safe flight. see you in a few hours. i gotta bathe the kiddo. 

The pre flight took a bit longer than you thought it would, but Jared's message was one you ended up saving as a screenshot. You listened to your music when the flight attendant said we were free to use the screens ahead of us and whatever else. 

You even did some puzzle books and wrote in your journal. 

You were nervous, of course you were nervous. This was the first time you were gonna meet a single dad and a son. Thoughts of what they might look like floated through your mind. The thoughts of the life you were stepping into were beyond what your mind could conjour. 

But the way he spoke to you said something about saving you, made you wonder if something more was happening to him. 

Something maybe in his past that might be coming after him now. There was a darkness in his voice that you couldn't shake. 

But you shoke it off, you were not gonna let these thoughts consume you. You waited for the hours to pass, and they did rather quickly. 

For what was once 30 mins that had passed, became an hour and a half. You were almost there. 8 am quickly turned into 1030am there was still half hour to go. 

This was it the landing checks the whole pack up whatever you took out, close the trays un recline your seats, take out and shut off your music speech came quickly. You put away the books and things, you held your phone in one hand using the other to get up form your seat. You followed the people out of the plane. 

You walked out onto the concourse and made sure you were lookin good before you stepped onto the escalator. 

Jared was watching, but when his eyes landed on you coming toward him he smiled. He couldn't help himself. A little voice in his head told him not to smile, but to jump you instead. Jared ignored that voice for he didn't want to do anything harmful with Thom around. Even then he wouldn't. he instead watched you walk toward him. 

Jared: YN.

YN: you must be Jared. It is a pleasure to meet you. 

You both shake hands but a spark flows between both of your hands. Before you place your bags on the ground and look at Thom. 

YN: you must be the little cutie. Did you make this sign all by yourself?

Thom nods and gives you a hug which you graciously return. You were feeling happy. 

Jared: i think we should go wait by the luggage bay so we can grab your luggage. Then we can head off for lunch and shopping and paper filling. 

YN: the luggage should have started coming out by now anyway right?

Jared: possibly. But i want to hear more about you, your adventures and can i just say that dress is delectable. 

There it was again, that deep dark tone to his voice. He now held his hand out for your bags as Thom was urging for you to carry him. Jared carried your carry ons, you carried Thom who just smiled happily. 

Jared: ive never seen Thom take kindly to anyone before. This is gonna work out just fine. 

YN: thom is so sweet, i look forward to working with him on a daily basis. I also look forward to helping you with the house. 

You smiled as thom came up to you and sat in your lap. Jared just watched amazed by your skill with kids. 

As the luggage came round you pointed out your suitcases to Jared who grabbed them placing them on the cart. 

You held thom who just contently hugged you. He nestled himself against the crook of your neck, soft snores filled yours and Jared's ears shortly after. 

Jared: he barely slept last night he was too excited. I'm not surprised that he is sleeping now. 

Jared says as you all walk to the car, Jared with the luggage cart, you holding thom. You gently placed thom in the car, you watch Jared place the luggage in the trunk. 

Jared: and you are the miracle worker, he is asleep. He will sleep till we wake him for lunch. He will also hopefully sleep through the bank and licencing appointments. 

Before he could say another word you went over and gave him a kiss to his cheek. The air between you both was growing thin. 

This would have been your first kiss if not for the fact that jared’s watch went off. 

Jared: we have to be at the bank in half an hour. Which is perfect but first i want to try something. Just dont move.

You didnt move you stood there as Jared slid his hand around your waist. And placed a soft kiss to your neck. Then moved to whisper in your ear. 

Jared: a little bit of food for thought. The darkness is growing inside me and i swear i will hold it back as long as i can. But you need to understand you are the only one who can stop the darkness. 

You went round to your side of the vehicle. Feeling a little flustered. Jared was behind you, you turned to see him, his eyes starring at you. His hand on your own, you feel a spark, you feel that same spark that you both had felt back in the airport, when you first met. 

The ride to the bank was good, you and jared talked and went over a list for shopping and made a list of things to do when you arrived to Jared’s home. You were done the bank & licensing appointments.

 Deciding that it would be easier pick up take out for lunch as Thom was still sleeping. Like he was out like a light. You guys were able to quickly go in follow the list and get everything on the list. Finally on the road with lunch and heading home to Jareds. 

YN: so i guess i will need to set up some stuff and unpack. 

Jared: ill even help you set up and build the shelving and things. Believe me your suite is gonna be your style when we are through with it. We are almost there. Then we will get you settled. And its still early in the day. 

YN: lets hope that we can get a majority of this done before thom wakes up. 

Jared: or at least un pack the car or have the lawn care people help with that as well. Ill just pay them extra for it.  

Within a few moments after that you guys pull dup to a gate, where Jared used a key card to open it. 

Jared: welcome to your new home YN! 

From that point in the day you and Jared and thom spent it getting acquainted, you did some schooling with thom, jaredd helped you set up your suite, Jared and you celebrated with a glass of wine each before bed from then on.  More little moments were stollen like the one that happened in the airport. 

Something worse would be a drift in the near future. you didnt know what but you had a feeling that something would come to light that you would never expect in a million years. 

~its now been 8 months and 12 days since you came to live with Jared and Thom. you settled in quite nicely. you drove back and forth to get thom to and from school, you cooked, cleaned and you happily did all the laundry. now we start our story again on the last day of school, with you just having picked up Thom from school and are in the car driving back home~

you had just gotten on the freeway Thom had passed out a while back for his afternoon nap. you were just happy for a small moment of peace and quiet. but your bluetooth came through the car at a volume that thankfully didnt wake Thom. 

you saw it was Jared so obviously you answered. 

Jared: hey hows it going?

Yn: good, thom is having a nap, im just on the freeway. how was work?

Jared: good, i couldnt wait for the day to be over. i have a surprise for you. 

YN: for me or for me and thom or for all 3 of us

Jared: call it a family surprise. 

YN: wait im part of the family. none of my jobs previously had ever considered me part of the family. its nice to finally be included in an actual family. 

you could hear jared chuckle before he continued to speak. 

Jared: i know you are new to the whole permenant family thing, and we are always gonna have a home here for you. but i want to celebrate the start of summer with a tradition. 

YN: something new or something old?

Jared: a new tradition one that starts as soon as you guys get home... 

YN: and will i need to pack a bag?

Jared: yes although i had my assistant at work go out and buy you a few new things for this trip today, so how long till you guys get home... 

suddenly thom pipes up from the background. 

thom: hi daddy.

Jared: hey little man, ive got a surprise for you when you and YN get home. 

YN: we will see you in 10 minutes jared. 

Jared: see you in the driveway 

the call ended and you handed thom a sucker from your center console. he smiled and giggled all the rest of the way home. you pulled into the driveway parking in your normal spot. 

Jared comes round to bring thom out first, after spinning him around before setting him down on the ground, he comes round to your side. he opens the door and extends his hand to you. 

he helps you out of the car, and walks you to the door. where you all enter before Jared send thom up to his room to get ready. guess he had told thom the secret before he told you, but you were now standing in the living room with Jared who turns to you.

YN: what is the big surprise, i assume you told Thom and thats why he ran upstairs all excited. 

Jared: i bought us a vacation house about 2 months ago. it is all season, and we get to go there and spend these next 6 weeks there. its in canyon lake about 2 hours by car. thom will probably sleep at least part of the way there. but YN i want you to know that i have a secret one that has me flustered enough to internally keep it from you for he is the glue that holds us together. but i wonder if perhaps we as in us 2 have a few things we can be together. 

before you could respond Jared leaned in and placed a gentle kiss to your lips, for those 2 seconds it was like heaven had shot you with an arrow.

Jared pulled back and began to walk toward the kitchen to pack some trip snacks and drinks. but before leaving you alone in the living room he spoke.

Jared: ill leave you with that food for thought for it will be something to definately make conversation about later.

That kiss, your only real first kiss. Made you extremely excited. But the drive the 2 hour drive had you all hot and bothered. you went to pack your stuff in your bag. well at least thats what you thought, when you got to your room, you saw a suitcase, one filled with yours and Jareds stuff. maybe you guys were traveling light or there was already stuff out there for you guys.

you packed your journals, some games and a few books and of course a deck of cards in your backpack. you wheeled the suitcase out of the suite while carrying the backpack. then you went back in to put your hair back.

you heard someone calling your name. you answered the call and heard footsteps coming to your room. you turned to see Jared standing there, like nothing had happened downstairs.

Jared: are we almost ready to go?

YN: almost. just gonna get into something a bit more vacay less public appearance. meet you down in 2... 

Jared: wear something sexy. i guarantee that you will be the hottest thing in the car. and you can pick the music. 

you grabbed something out of the closet and took it into the bathroom. you came out to see Jared standing not  facing you. till you would speak woulkd be when he would know you were there.

YN: does that mean we are bluetoothing it all the way there.

Jared: got the wireless charging pad installed and all ready to go. plus i hooked your phone to the bluetooth already. now when you are ready we will head out.

YN: i know. jared are we gonna discuss what happened between us downstairs?

Jared: that kind of talk is better suited for vacation. 

thom is waiting by the door, you and jared bring down the last of the stuff. thom just as excited about this vacation as any little child should be. everything was loaded in the car, you went to lock the house and set the alarm. but before setting the alarm, you said the one word that you were sure might confirm your suspicions. 

YN: christo!

the cross on the wall near by turned upside down. you finished setting the alarm after salting the doors and windows. only hoping that this would be easy, but now you were certain that you had figured out the darkness that Jared kept mentioning. 

you went to the car, sitting down you nodded at Jared to start driving. and it was declared right then and there that you all were officially on vacation. Thom sat quietly and eventually passed out. your music playing in the background, Jared realizing that Thom had fallen asleep moved his hand to rest on your thigh.

this made you look at him, the darkness in his eyes faded when you placed your hand on his. the darkness that starred at you, the way his hand tightened on your thigh. you were the luckiest girl in the world. you hoped that this vacay would yield the answers you hoped you didnt need. 

over the last little while you had done research on what you thought might be the darkness latched to Jared. after what happened in the house before you left with the cross. you were certain. Jared was possessed. and you had to stop this thing from doing something he would regret. 

your mind circled with those thoughts, but a voice brought you out of your own mind.

Jared: you have been quiet, is everythign alright?

YN: yes everything is fine. just going over the list and making sure we dont need to have the lawn people do any extra tasks while we are gone.

jared: why do you think we forgot something?

YN: its just a feeling. but its nothing to worry about. now when we get there i assume that we are gonne have a tour and a chance to unpack before we decide our first vacation activity.

Jared: i also hope you dont mind sharing a room with me. its a little 5 bedroom cottage but the 3rd, 4th and 5th rooms are supposed to be guest rooms. they only has a cot and no closet. we are just waiting on a few parts to be reno’d in there. 

YN: i think i can live with this arrangement. thom i assume is gonna be in a room close by.

Jared: yep he is at one end of the hall we are at the other. you know when i called you all those months ago, asking you to fly out here to help me, i was ready to give up on finding someone to help me take care of the house and Thom. but your ad made me have hope that maybe you would be the one that would save me.

YN: i think i know what darkness follows you but i wont know forsure until i can run a test. 

Jared: what kind of test

YN: one that would need to be done when Thom is asleep. one that i hope will either prove me right or prove me a liar. that is if your willing to try.

Jared: im willing to try anything.

YN: well then we will try it tonight after Thom goes to bed. 

neither of you had realized how much time had passed, then you saw a sign. Jared smiled.

Jared: we are close now.

YN: that sign that i just saw is that where we are going?

Jared: yep. once you se the place you will understand why i got it. and i sound proofed the master, just in case...

he winked at you as he slowed down at the edge of a driveway. he then guided your gaze to look ahead at the cottage that now stod before you.

Thom woke up shortly after you had pulled him out of the car. he rubbed his eyes and smiled as he ran toward the house, screaming happily as he approached the steps. where he waited for you and Jared. 

you both brought what you could while still having hands to open the door and help Thom up the stairs. jared unlocked the door allowing you and thom to walk through first. your eyes went wide at the first glance of your home away from home with Jared and Thom. 

this was gonna be an amazing vacation. you put down what you carried, as well as let go of Thom who was running around looking at everything. you spun round and somehow landed in the arms of Jared.

Jared: what do you think?

YN: what do i think.. this is amazing. i love this. this is incredible. i wouldnt trade this vacation for anything. honestly i would rather be no where else. im quite happy here. 

Jared: as in this home or my arms.

YN: both. jared, i i... 

just as your about to speak again. you and jared are interrupted by thom coming out of a nearby room half dressed. 

Thom: daddy, YN can we go swimming now...

jared set you back on your feet and you both laughed. 

Jared: in a few moments bud we gotta find the swim suits first. 

as Jared said that the attendants brought up the luggage. you looked at Jared who just smiled and whispered in your ear.

Jared: you have the summer off to relax for 6 weeks. just be normal with me and Thom. these next hours could prove several things for us. starting with lets take Thom swimming and then go from there. we will hopefully eat when we return. the attendants are already preparing supper. 

you could do nothing except smile. it was already turning into a really steamy vacay. you went to where you saw jared going through your shared suitcase. first chance you got you grabbed your bikini and cover.

you went into the nearby spare room closing the door behind you. you get changed, you could hear Jared ask one of the attendants to take Thom to find him a life jacket from the boat house. then you heard silence. 

then you heard the sound of the door knob turning, you were only half done tying your bikini. when Jared walked in shirtless and wearing his swim trunks. 

Jared: need help?

you froze in place at his words it was like your actions were not your own. it was a few seconds after that you felt his hands around your waist sliding slowly up your back.

Jared: i wish we had this place to ourselves. we would not be leaving that master suite for a while. 

YN: i wish Thom was asleep so i could take away your darkness. 

Jared: so you know what it is...

YN: yes and i need you alone when i take away the darkness, Thom would be in too much danger. dont worry you will be darkness free soon. you will be back in the light and free to live your live happy with me and Thom. im not gonna let this darkness ruin your life any longer. tonight it gets banished.

Jared: just gotta tire Thom out enough that he will sleep tonight. 

YN: well then lets not keep him waiting any longer. 

you and jared walk outside and down the path to the lake. you were amazed at the wonder and beauty before you. bout halfway to the lake, you were pressed against the back side of a nearby tree. Jared’s eyes darkened at the sight of you, the feeling of your body beneath his hands had him hard, you could feel it against your lower back. 

Jared: once Thom is gone to bed, I'm gonna make Jared watch through his own eyes as I fuck you into next week. Jared will never inhabit his body again.

You struggled slightly before speaking.

YN: i address the entity within, who are you?

Jared’s form just smiled evily at you, his hands still freely roaming your body. 

YN: well you should also know that you wont live long enough to fuck me into next week. im gonna expell you from Jared’s body and send you back where you came from. now i command thee for all that light brings give me Jared back immediately.

once you finished speaking Jared’s body fell to his knees, you kneel down to only be hugged by Jared.

Jared: I'm sorry, I'm so sorry

YN: don't worry, just calm down. That demon is gonna be gone when I do the ritual. Take a few moments to breathe, I'm gonna go sit on the dock where the attendant is in the shallows with thom. Just take your time.

You placed a kiss to his cheek, then walked the rest of the way to the lake. Upon arrival at the lake, you watched the attendant and Thom, playing in the shallow water.

Attendant: miss YN. Where is Master Jared?

YN: he will be along shortly he just wanted to check his messages make sure everything is running smoothly.

Attendant: then I shall stay down here with you both till he arrives. How do you like the place Miss?

Yn: it's gorgeous. I love it. I have never been invited to go on any type of vacation. Not even in my own family. So this was a really awesome surprise.

Attendant: that is so sad... Well to many more times like this then. Thom here is a amazing little kiddo, you have been working so hard master Jared just wanted to give you a vacation you wouldn't soon forget.

Thom meanwhile was just enjoying the water, his expression had a huge smile on it. He was wet head to toe and absolutely having fun!

You kept waiting on the dock for Jared to approach and for 10 min he didn't till you, looked and saw his form approach.

you sat on the dock and felt him slide down behind you, his legs are on either side of yours, his arms round your waist. you both sat there enjoying the view while Thom played with the attendant in the water below. neither you nor Jared felt like moving knowing that in a few hours you both would be expelling the demonic force that lay now dormant inside Jared. 

Jared: do you know what is better than sitting here on the dock.

YN: what

Jared: sitting on the dock with you surrounded by nature, this will be the best vacation ever once we get rid of the demon.

~time skip to a few hours later. after some swimming you all went back to the house for dinner. after dinner you guys played a game or 2 with Thom who then went with one of the attendants and had a bath, then it was time to put him to sleep. you and Jared read him a story, then he fell fast asleep. for he truely was tuckered out, you and Jared dismissed the attendants and locked the doors for the evening. you both went to the master suite as we return to the story.~

YN: i need to set something up first can you wait like 5 minutes before you enter the bathroom. oh and dont plan on showering in your trunks, and bring towels with you. i have a feeling like we will need them when we are done. 

Jared: ill see you in there.

you walk towards the bathroom, holding the prayer beeds in one hand and un doing your bikini in the other. you placed the bikini on the ground and set your phone on the counter. 

YN:  Exorcizo te, creatura aquae. In nomine dei patris omnipotentis et in virtute spiritus sancti.

you finished the incantation and placed the rosery on the shower head so it lands in the water. then you took one look out the window and just let the water run over your body. 

Jared walks in with nothing on he places the towels on the counter, you see him out of the corner of your eye.

Yn: join me?

Jared didn't need an invitation he was already climbing in behind you. For he knew that this was the only way to expell the demon.

You turned around and now faced him, you looked up at him holding his gaze you move him round so he is under the water.

His body starts shaking that's when you spoke again.

Yn: please let this work...

You had him lift you up so he was holding you as you slid down onto his cock, and spoke the incantation that hopefully would save his life. In other words bring his light fuller to push away the darkness.

Also there was a Devils trap in the floor where jard was standing you had the attendantz draw one, for the demon to be sent straight back to hell. With a clear voice the following words were spoken by you.

Yn: exorcisomus te, omnis immunus spirits, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursion infernalis adversarri, omnis legio, omnis congregato, insectas diabolicas, ergo dracto malidicte, eclesium secura fascious liberate, te regamous, audinos

At that point black smoke came out of Jared's mouth, and went straight through the floor. When Jared looked at you again his eyes were clear and he leaned you against the wall.

He began thrusting his hard cock in and out of your pussy. It was something that both of you had dreamed about for months.

His hard cock pounding your sensitive tender pussy. With each thrust you climaxed. But it was the kisses that left you both breathless.

The more he thrust the more he came. After 45 minutes and 16 climaxes for the both of you.

Jared set you down, helped you rinse off, both of you getting out after Jared turned off the water, Jared wrapped a towel round you, then he dried himself off.

Jared: thank you. Thank you for saving my life. But where did you learn to do that.

YN: too much research on the paranormal. I knew something was off and when that demon named himself I knew what I had to do. 

Jared: would you consider making your time here a role more permenant than just a nanny?

YN: what kind of role would that be?

you are immediately pickd up and placed on the bed with Jared crawling on top of you. he made love to you for a few moments before just curling up with you in his arms and muttered only 2 words before he crashed.

Jared: marry me

you used voice command to turn out the lights before passing out yourself. when you both woke the next morning with just a sheet covering your still cuddling forms. you blinked a bit before moving a piece of Jared’s hair out of his eyes. 

it was a few moments later that Jared stirred. 

YN: morning handsome.

Jared: that was the best ive slept in years. 

YN: do you remember saying anything after we hit the pillow last night.

Jared twists away from you for a moment and pulls something out of one of the drawers in his nightstand, before coming back to your embrace.

Jared: all this time i felt empty and now i want nothing more than to have you stay permenantly. YN will you partner with me in raising Thom full time, not as a nanny but as a step mom to him. YN i believ i already asked you this but will you marry me?

he reveals a small rose gold band with a 15k diamond in the center surrounded by your birthstone and Jareds birth stone. this made you nod alot, trying to find your voice as the cool metal band slid on your finger. 

YN: yes! yes yes yes!!!! but umm does this mean we dont have to leave this bed right away. 

Jared: i think that can be arranged besides its still early. its only 6am... we are still on work time. 

going back to cuddle mode you admired your new ring as Jared now once more wraped your form in his own, your leg draped over his hip and you guys were basically a free range pretzel. so to speak. it became the start of the life you always wanted something permenant and stable. not loose and ragged. 

goes to show love strikes when you least expect it.

[mercifuldeaths]

The Heat that Drives the Light

Michael Langdon x Reader

Summary: Michael hasn’t been himself having to literally carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. Because Michael hasn’t been okay, you haven’t been either. 

Notes: Just a blurb that got out of hand. Was originally supposed to be really smutty and about distracting Michael while he worked...but this came out of that. I think it’s a little more interesting to take down the walls that Outpost!Michael puts up and get a little more into his psyche. Sorry it’s a bit sad and not smutty at all, but I hope you enjoy, nonetheless. 

Warnings: Sad cockwarming. Because apparently I’ve made that a thing. 

Word Count: 3K

Credit to @yourkingcodyfern​ for the beautiful gif.

Being underground was suffocating. The walls closing in, high ceilings not doing enough to clear the air and you felt the dust settling in your lungs. Outpost Three had become something strange to you. Having spent happier times there with Michael when things were simpler placed fond memories in certain corners where he had hiked up your skirt or placed little nips on your neck. But now, it reeked of desolation.

Sure, there were the Sanctuary candidates, but did they really matter? Gone were the warlocks that Michael had called his friends, his teachers, your mentors. All that remained were the near-empty hallways. Modified victorian dress rather than the Hawthorne uniform you liked to remember Michael wearing, his hair still short, and eyes still bright.

He had hit something of a wall. After traveling to all the outposts, each of them overrun, each failing his father a little more, Michael started to turn inwards-even to you. You knew it wasn’t you nor him. It was the stress, because that’s all he could be described as of late. He hid it well, you admitted. Perfectly coiffed hair, tailored suits, and a cocky grin on his lips all made up for the man you knew was crumbling under the facade. The crushing guilt he felt for not carrying out his father’s plan to perfection.

It really wasn’t that bad...it was just one of those nights. A night where Michael was overwhelmed and working himself into the ground. He had been sat at the desk in what was his former dormitory when he was a student. He opted to take that one, refusing another Outpost guest to take ownership over it. Sentiment, you supposed.

Regardless, he sat there since dawn, or what you imagined was dawn as it was impossible to tell in the claustrophobic bunker. He had refused meals, even offering something from the stash you both had packed from the Sanctuary, and only accepted coffee. Just something to keep him going. You knew this wasn’t how he had intended to spend the day. He was dressed in his usual tailored shirts and jacket, ready to face the guests. But he hadn’t stepped outside the bedroom. And on days like that, he usually would stay in his sweatpants, hair tied in a bun, and shun the world from seeing him like that. Vulnerable. Out of his armor.

He was growing distant. Again, not at his fault and probably rooted in your natural insecurity of the relationship. It wasn’t easy being the partner of the Antichrist.

You continued to roam the halls, anything to do at this point ,having read all the interesting books in the Hawthorne library ages ago. The other guests of the Outpost were asleep, mandated by Venable’s strict schedule. She knew better than to say anything to you.

Your shoes clicked on the polished marble of the floor, almost comforting you. You felt less alone, in a sense. The sealed corridor that lead to the room Michael performed his rituals in was slightly pushed in, reminding you that maybe he had started one. That’s really all he did. Work from his computer, work with the other Cooperative higher-ups, and work for his father under the guise of asking for help. You knew better than that.

It was maybe the third time you had to pick Michael up off the floor, blood still painting his skin and the floor around him, you asked him to stop. He had passed out. Weak from blood loss, dehydration, probably malnutrition. You begged him to slow down, to take a break. He couldn’t. He literally had the weight of the world on his shoulders.

You could tell it was getting to that point again, because it did ebb and flow depending on the state of the world, the outposts, the competency of the Cooperative that week. It was understandable. Outpost Three was a success in some ways. But others, a massive failure. Nobody was making it to the Sanctuary. He had closed the book on every person left in the world. Made his final cuts, and was now weighing the decisions heavily in his mind. It was extremely successful because it was still standing, almost everyone alive. And then there was that Mallory he was trying to figure out-sitting on his knees, blood pooling as he screamed for help, screamed for answers. You weren’t sure if he was actually asking his father for help or just needed to scream his frustrations. There was a feeling sometimes that Satan had given up on him, left him here to flounder until everyone on the earth, including Michael, was gone-given into the fire and disease around them.

With really nothing else to do, and nobody to talk to, you meandered back to Michael’s room. Even if you shared it during your stay at the Outpost, it would always stay as Michael’s dormitory in the back of your mind.

You took the long way. Passing by your secret corners, the library shelves you’d hide behind, the kitchens where midnight snacks were shared...anything to remind you of the Michael that stole your heart and soul.

You sighed before opening the door, not bothering to knock as he had probably already heard you. Preparing yourself for the image of your overworked Michael, a sight that saddened you just a little, you opened the heavy door.

As you expected, he was sat there, typing away on his laptop. The blue light of the screen cast ghoul like shadows on his features, reminding you of the demon’s face you had only borne witness to once. That with the warm light coming from the candles and fireplace set Michael in a strange light. Regardless, it accentuated the stress hiding in his shoulders, between his brows, his tightened lips.

He didn’t look up, but did spare a, “Hi, my dove,” as you headed over to the bed. Changing course, you decided to walk over to him, your Antichrist who seemed so small lately. Feeling a little selfish, you ran your fingers through his hair, something you knew would distract him but also something you needed.

It had taken a toll on you, the only person you really trusted, to abandon you, in a sense. You just wanted to feel him. Touch him. And judging by the way his typing slowed and he leaned into it, you suspected he needed the same. His eyes closed lazily, sleepily, as he rested his cheek against your palm. You rubbed soothing circles into his cheekbone, admiring the beautiful face that was hidden under the layers of stress, under the pressure put on him. When he was himself, his face was soft-no tension, pure radiance. Eyes not shooting daggers, no snarling lip, venom in his voice. Just a man who was forced to grow up too fast, thrown the world to carry, and nobody to help him hold it.

You’d said it a million times to him, but it didn’t stop you from muttering a small, “You work too hard, Michael,” while still stroking his soft hair.

“I know,” came the familiar reply, voice hoarse from lack of use.

“But you have to,” you said before he could. You knew the script by then.

“...But I have to,” he echoed, typing stopped for a moment, his hand coming to meet yours that had somehow settled over his chest. “I know I’ve been….absent lately. You know I don’t want to be doing this, right? I didn’t know it would be like this.” He looked to you, bloodshot eyes starting to tear. Before any could fall, she shook his head to refocus and let his eyes look over to the small collection of empty mugs that covered the desk, so very unlike Michael’s usually neat freakish tendencies. He picked one up, dark, cold coffee sat at the bottom, obviously abandoned quite a while ago. He knocked it back, grimacing at the too strong, bitter grinds that had made it into the cup. You saw his hand shake, just the slightest amount.

“Maybe no more of that.” You took the mug from him and replaced it on the desk, further from the others and his collection of files. “Come to bed, it’s late.”

He hesitated and you already knew the answer. “I just need to finish this. Then I can sleep.” He nodded, almost trying to convince himself that he’d be sleeping next to you soon enough. “In a few minutes… get in bed and I’ll meet you.”

He tried to smile. It wasn’t like he was unaware of what he was doing to you. He saw the way your heart seemed to break a little more each time he had to choose work over you. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. You weren’t in his plan. His nor Satan’s. Michael knew deep down that he was never supposed to fall for anyone-he hadn’t the time.

But had happened. And you were his.

He wouldn’t change it for anything.

“I’m not sleeping without you tonight,” you mumbled, leaning over him from behind and gently kissing his neck. Just a small motivation to get him to relax, just a little. You untied the messy bun his hair had been pulled into, loving the way it fell to his shoulders and framed his face against the contrasting lights.

His eyes remained unfocused, looking away in guilt. He wanted you. It wasn’t that he didn’t want you. It was that there wasn’t enough time and for all his planning everything remained a failure. He supposed that maybe he deserved this as punishment. Working every day, nonstop, while his love was there and waiting for him. A sick mockery of Hell itself. Michael suspected that it was his father’s doing. Allowed to remain living as a reward for bringing the end times but punishment for not doing it well enough.

“I’m so-sorry,” he choked out, voice still rough and cracking.

Coming around to stand in front of him, you tilted his head up to look at you. No more words were needed as you leaned down to place a gentle kiss to his full lips. You felt a sigh come from him, a small amount of tension leaving. He couldn’t help but move against you, hands reaching to your waist, your cheek, anywhere. He needed to feel you. Feel how you moved, breathed, radiated energy. Just to feel something living and breathing in this cold, dead world he had created.

Before even thinking, processing that he was still busy, you slipped off the dressing gown you had on as coverage as you meandered Hawthorne earlier. Michael settled his hands on your hips, thumbs tracing small circles as you stood before him, in between his spread legs and his desk. He leaned in, lips and tongue tracing your stomach and sides. Unable to stop himself, he pulled you in, arms wrapping around tight, until you were settled straddling his lap.

You continued the open but small kisses to his neck. Unbuttoning his shirt, you slid it down his shoulders, knowing full well that he wouldn’t fully undress but needing to feel his warmth against your cheek as you rested on his shoulder. He was hardening under your ministrations but that really wasn’t your intention as you just needed to feel him. Not even sexually. Just as another person. His warmth. The rise and fall of his chest, his breath.

Knowing you were causing just another distraction in his already busy life, you stopped your small movements but couldn’t find it in you to climb off, reveling in the sensation of him against you. He felt the same. Your weight on him a reassuring presence that maybe he wasn’t as alone as the thought.

Taking a moment from the small bites he was leaving on your shoulder, he looked past you, eyes settling on the open laptop. You felt him sign under you, already defeated. His hands hesitated over your hips, refraining from grabbing you like he wanted to.

“Michael. Look at me,” you whispered, the room only full of the sounds from the crackling fire. Your thumb traced over his cheekbone, eyes pleading for him to just relax for even a moment. “Please…”

He couldn’t, ashamed that he’s let it get this far. Let himself get so caught up in work that you were neglected...that he, himself, was feeling neglected. He sighed, eyes still downcast. “I have to. I know we’re both feeli-”

“You can keep working. I know how important this is. I just wish you would let me help you relax a little.”

“I miss you.” The confession dropped from his lips. Despite spending every day, almost all day, at his side you missed him, too. Even when you were sitting beside one another, laying in bed, even occasionally while intimate...he felt miles away.

“You don’t have to miss me anymore. I’m right here.” You resumed placing small kisses onto his temple, jawline, all the places that made his eyes flutter shut and heart full. His hardness still pressed into you and you reached to cup him through his tailored trousers.

“Y/N….not tonight,” he choked out, looking broken.

“No. I don’t want you to fuck me, I just need to be close to you. I need you.”

Michael nodded slowly, recognition setting in. He allowed you to remove him from his confines, breath already coming faster now that your hand was gripped around his length.

“I need you, too. Please. I need to be in you,” he murmured against your lips, sounding more desperate than he cared to admit. You nodded in response, noses brushing innocently, and placed another kiss behind his ear, over the mark of the Beast. The very thing that defined him, made him what he was, who he was. The reason he was this overworked shell of himself. You couldn't help but still love every part of him.

Not completely free of bad intentions, you pressed yourself against him so he could feel the slick heat of your core against himself. Michael let out a soft moan, his mouth occupied toying with your nipple. You felt him shiver under you and tingles resonate up your spine. As much as you wanted to, it wasn’t the time to play cruel to your Antichrist.

It didn’t take long for you to line yourself up to him and before you could do anything, Michael’s steady hands gripping your waist forced you slowly downward onto him. Once fully seated on him, the two of you let out contented sighs. His head rolled back and your hand instinctively went to catch it, supporting his neck. You took the opportunity to nip on his full bottom lip, but smiles bloomed over both of your faces. Finally home.

“You...still need to work.” The spell remained unbroken, however. He nodded reluctantly, head now resting on your front.

“I know,” he resigned and you felt his hands leave your body, cold rushing in where his touch left. It was mere seconds later you heard the quick taps of his nimble fingers over the keyboard, the shuffle of paper.

It was irrelevant. Everything was except the warmth you felt radiating from him, the stretch of your cunt around him, his body inside yours. Physically as close as two people can be. Emotionally...you were getting back there, you could feel it.

He showed it in small ways. A small kiss to your palm when you’d graze a hand over the velvet of his jacket, the softening of his eyes from across the room when dealing with Cooperative business or reprimanding Outpost inhabitants. It was there and always would be. You knew the shroud was lifting and it would be back to hiding in the corridors of Hawthorne, his laugh radiating and a perfect match for his boyish grin.

One of his hands removed itself from the keyboard to caress down your spine and settled at the base, warm and firm. You breaths matched, each sigh shifting him inside you, hitting a new angle, making you feel even closer than before.

The keyboard clicks continued, slower due to the fact the one of his hands was stroking the soft skin at your hip. Michael’s shoulders dropped a fraction when you placed your head on his shoulder, nose brushing the sensitive spot under his jaw. His eyes lowered, breath softened.

Over the course of the minutes, he would occasionally drop a kiss onto your shoulder, soft and awfully chaste considering the fact that he was buried in you. But it wasn’t about that, that evening. It was about Michael and who he was and his breath and movement and reminding him that maybe things weren’t so bad in the godforsaken hellscape he was responsible for. That there was still some good left, despite the original goal to strip humanity of that.

And he knew it. He felt it from you. The undying love that you held for him and he could only be reminded that there was good left. And that he loved you, the same.

The typing continued even after Michael dropped a cheek to your shoulder, head tilted, as he somehow continued working through his drooping eyelids.

“Mmmmmm,” he mumbled into your skin, exhausted.

“I know.” He didn’t need to speak, you already knew what he was trying to say.

His other hand settled on the back of your neck, the only sound being the crackling fire and candles. You shivered and he pulled you in, bodies still connected.

“Michael,” you whispered, going to suggest that maybe you two go to bed, but the small shake of his head told you that he’d rather stay put.

His breathing evened out, face still resting on your shoulder. All his muscles relaxed into your touch. Finally at ease.

Your fingers threaded through his hair and you considered waking him to move to bed...but you were comfortable too. Warm and finally feeling a little more complete with him inside you. Perhaps closing your eyes for just a few minutes couldn’t hurt.

Tags: @ccodyfern @langdonsinferno @langdonsrapture​ @starwlkers​ @michael-langdon-appreciation​ @babypinkstyles94​ @i-will-die-for-jim-mason​ @langdonalien​ @katiekitty261​ @duncvn​ @wroteclassicaly​ @lvngdvns​ @aveiangdon​ @americanhorrorstudies​ @sojournmichael​ @1-800-bitchcraft​ @nana15774​ @langdonsdemon​ @michael-langdon-owns-my-soul​

[m4isofia]

The very last semester

I don’t know how many times I have typed for this post.Technically,I had finished composing the entry but accidentally deleted the tab without saving it to draft....but first let me tell you guys how much i have put myself in the past yesterday just to recall everything to make this post feels very nostalgic.I try my best to put myself in everyone’s shoes because I want everyone to know how much we struggled for spm last year.SPM year was one of the best years for me like I want to repeat all those times again without sitting for spm OF COURSE cus I swear it was tiring as heck.

Nonetheless,please excuse my grammar mistakes as I have barely write anythinh now so I kinda think that my writing skills is getting rusty.

I don’t remember the exact date we started our final semester but all I know is,we were struggling for trials.We kinda made our teachers proud for trial right? mrsm tpg was below us and I can’t help myself but to remember how proud cikgu masyitah was when we managed to get number satu for sejarah trials spmrsm! geng,we all were so happy ~ even though addmaths spmrsm reminds me of how stupid I was ~ zaman trial was tiring,it felt as if we were in endless battle.To be very honest,things started to get more serious after trials ended.A week before spm starts,we had our last class in the class sebab after that,we had gemilang almost everyday at surau and classes could not be used as the form4 students used them for igcse exam.Basically,surau was our second home/dorm.Imagine staying at surau the whole day?? we literally left our belongings and books all scattered in the surau sampai kena marah dengan ustazah :/ especially when we (form 5 girls) had our very own spot at the surau so i guess leaving all my stuff could be safe?? and i was so lazy to bring all the books to dorm after all nanti kena turun balik surau,so it’s just the same,the bad thing was,surau looked messy because of us hihi.

As I mentioned earlier,we had gemilang everyday at surau,even after gemilang habis pun,some of us would stay back and sambung study.That was how much we were scared to sit for spm.The pressure for spm was real,dengan the endless handouts for every freaking subject and most importantly,the 10 set handout sejarah ( I swear we all were stressing out because of this haha).When I said that this is an endless battle,yes it is,after habis trials pun i still keep reminding myself that the battle hasnt ended yet mai,hold on a little bit mai,this will be over soon.LIKE LITERALLY EVERYDAY.Countdown to spm was terrifying,to see how fast each day went by,dengan the mental breakdowns some of us had because of addmaths,everything went so fast.Sometimes I felt like i didnt want spm to start so that we can always study together at surau.

Even during riadah hour,girls in my batch started to turun awal surau,we sacrificed our golden hour to nap just to revise more and more.Even if it’s mrsm that we are talking about but that does not mean we are guaranteed to get straights A+,even most of us are the stuggling students that need to work our ass off barulah score.At surau,gelegam became more closer that I remember,gelegam is the girls in our batch,we called ourselves gelegam sebab the name of the whatsapp group is gelegam,so honestly I don’t know where that came from??anyway i still remember how chaotic the surau was when gelegam turun awal surau.Everyone was literally stretching up their muscles on the field while some of us rather studying in the surau.I remember when some would ask “sape tahu dinner apa”,,,,”weh cafe bukak tak sekarang”,,,,fuh i never thought i would come to the point that i would miss those kind of questions.The voices are always lingering on my mind to be honest.I remember how I nganjing nad almost everyday cus she’s gonna sambung study kat utp so i kept nganjing her everyday,our hakak utp :) hahaa see now nadirah is a freaking utp student! proud? yes i am.

During the spm month,the time was slowly arranging its pace but at the same time everything was so fast that I couldnt catch a breath.During those trying times,parents and teachers played a very important role.I am grateful to have teachers that endlessly motivating us despite all of our worries towards spm.Remember when unit sejarah,(cikgu masyitah + cikgu rohaya +cikgu azizan) pesan to us before we entered the hall for paper 3 sejarah,

“kamu bertarung untuk kertas tiga dalam dewan selama 3 jam,cikgu cikgu akan masak kenduri untuk kamu selama 3 jam,kamu mula je 3 jam tu nanti maka cikgu cikgu sejarah kamu pun akan mula memasak”

weh i literally heard cikgu masyitah’s voices in my head! hahaha,truth to be told we had no idea what’s the kenduri gonna be like,makan apa,minum apa.BUT,after we finished the freaking 3 hours,and bukak je pintu dewan,there were two long tables with bihun goreng + sirap ais on it.WE WERE ALL SHOUTINGGG AND CARI CIKGUUUU! wow that was the best times i ever had in mrsm pt *cries a river*.I would never forget the taste of the bihun goreng (anyway sumpah lapar after 3 hours in the hall),i would never forget how lega our sejarah teachers were sebab sejarah battle is over.Aaaa I miss.Anyway not to forget,cikgu masyitah was there for us since day 1 of spm! she was there right in front of the hall,bila dah nak start pun,tak kisah lah subject apa pun she was still gonna be there depan dewan tunggu kita beratur except for physics sebab cikgu balik kampung.Other than that guys,what’s funnier is,cikgu masyitah literally the only warden that woke us up during the toughest month yet especially bila hari takde exam! tahajjud semua entah ke mana haha,trust me bila ada gap spm tuu fuh heaven but stress at the same time cus the subject coming up usually makin susah.Cikgu masyitah would literally turn off our kipas dorm and on lampu besar!!!!!!! see how chaotic.

Two weeks ago,we eventually ended our battle geng.The long-awaited day has come.Pagi pagi lagi as usual takde selera nak makan.Group whatsapp batch has been filling up with spm 2019 stats,press conference kpm.Everyone was literally freaking out and excited sebab lama tak jumpa kan.Sekali jumpa,ha satu dewan bising.Truthfully,I will never fully prepare for result’s day.Bila dah masuk dewan,the place we all used to sit for spm ,is now the place for us to receive our spm result.Vermillion,congrats guys,congrats for the flying colours and uxpected result.We even made it to the news! One of the mrsm yang achieved gps below 2.00.That was incredible.Everyone was at their happiest time ambik result and I thank Allah for that.Some of us were hugging our teachers so tight because we managed to get A.Some of us were talking to cikgu about our batch ranking.We made it to top 5 guys! top 5 mrsm semalaysia,thats crazy sia.

Before I hit the sack,I really hope our path cross again someday and i can’t wait to see each of us become the woman and the man of our dreams.I hope everyone gets to pursue in the course that you guys have been dreaming for.I pray that we will have a stable life,financially stable,physically and mentally stable.Things that happened in maktab taught us a lot and I really hope we could bring the best out of it.All those things,would teach us in so many possible ways that we couldnt imagine.If you find yourself lost in the middle,please reach out to someone,remember what teacher naza said to us,pilih kawan yang baik baik,solat jaga,jaga diri.

I end my entry with a few pictures of my one and only batch,vermillion.

thank you,thank you vm fam,for these 5 years.

[pisica-de-scris-blog]

Ok, so this is my first time posting any of my own work on Tumblr for other people to read.   its just one scene from a current WIP novel.     It’s still REALLY rough   i am just trying to get the first draft of the entire novel done  then i will go back and do massive editings for content, writing style  ect ect       but i wanted to be brave and put something out.  

Walking in the front door of the two story house I share with my bestie, her mother and her little sister, ok share is a strong word… walking into the front door of my best friend’s house that I am currently squatting in,  thats better, I starting calling out for Tori.     “She isn't home” I hear from the living room,  I drop my bag and my books by the front door and hop over the couch landing on the cushion next to Vivi, almost knocking the bowl of popcorn off her lap.   This obnoxiously smart 12 year old, wears her  blond hair in pig tails, to make her self look even younger, mostly to lure innocent bystanders into her web of deceitful cuteness in order gain sympathy or candy. I still haven't figured out if she is just working the angle she was born with, or if she is really an evil genius who brandishes her cuteness like a broadsword. Seriously it doesn't matter the situation, she can get whatever she likes from almost anyone, and if they wont give it to her right out, she will get it by any means necessary, she is ruthless and her petite frame and all around adorableness, makes people underestimate her intelligence.  Which is something that I don’t know if that makes me admire her more, or if I am a little afraid of her.  Probably both.   Defiantly both.  One time I saw her con a bunch of teenagers out of about $20 worth of pixie sticks. Do you know how many pixie sticks that is?  Hundreds.   Meh, mean at least she shared.  She, Tori and I went on a 3 day non-stop sugar induced movie marathon.  The eventual sugar crash was hard, but worth it. At least until we found out that she recorded Tori and I singing everysong in Grease, loudly and very badly while watching the movie.  She hasnt put that video on social media yet, she says she wont.  But I see her little evil mind saving it for it’s epic black mail potential. “Where is your wayward sister?”  I question stealing a handful of popcorn.   “She went for a run, something about overbearing life choices and blah blah blah,  I don't know, I tune her out when she starts talking about college and responsibilities and adulting.  I mean really I am 12  I don't want to hear about adulting, or choices that impact your whole life.  That shit is scary.” “You have no idea kid,  but watch the fucking language.”  I smirked at her. “Ok so what are we doing until she gets home?” “Well, I finished all my homework for the next few days,  really this stuff is too easy.  So I was thinking about begging you to order a pizza,breaking out the big puppy dog eyes if I need to” She looked up at me starting to make her eyes really big. “Pizza sounds good, put the puppy dog eyes away” laughing at her antics I grabbed the computer to place the order. “ and then can we maybe binge watch some netflix.  Since mom is away do you think we can watch that show with the one main character who has to be slutty or she starves… and has the awesome best friend with epic fashion sense?” “No, you are too young for that show” “But I am really old for my age, I mean you know I am already soo much smarter than anyone else my age, and most ages. So I should be able to handle more mature TV shows too.” Vivi started rambling, getting ready for a fight to watch this show. “Your humility is heart-warming really,but your mother would skin me alive.  And then who would order you pizza with pineapple on it, which by the way is gross.” “It is not, but fine..   Hot hunter bros it is then.” As I finish ordering the pies Vivi queues up the show on netflix and hands me a brush,  I start absent mindedly running it through her hair as we wait for our dinner.   My mind doesn't focus on the tv  it keeps running through the events at the parlor.  I need to know who those guys where.  What they know about my mother, I mean she died in childbirth, and left me alone with an alcoholic father. Or did she?  Maybe there are things I don't know.  My father never really talked about my mother while sober, but if he was drunk and feeling nostalgic, he would ramble about her.  I could sometimes make out some of what he said in between sobs and hiccups before he passed out.    He would call her his angel and how she radiated this beautiful light.   I always thought that maybe her death is what drove my father mad and it was my fault she died.  What if there is more to the story? Maybe she was also in whatever this mafia or gang thing is that Cole is tied up in.  I should of questioned Cole before I left. I should of made her tell me what was going on, and how my mother was involved. Instead I ran. Why do I always run before thinking?   About 20 minutes into the first episode I notice that it is starting to get dark out, and Tori still hasnt gotten home.  I know she drives to well lite parks to run and she tries to stay safe, but I will always worry about her.  She watches the news and knows what can happen, so I know she is practical.  But she has never had to face any violence. She has never had to fend off an attacker, and she doesn't always realize that being practical and trying to be safe, doesn't really  mean she is safe.  And the pizza will be here in another 20 and I have seen that girl eat.  It’s scary.    Just as I am about to call her to check her ETA my phone starts to vibrate Tori’s name popping up on the screen. “Oh my god, why don't people just text, seriously who uses their phone to call anyone anymore.  Don't they know they are interrupting my viewing pleasure. How rude!” Vivi grumbles, as she turn the volume on the TV up a few more notches.  I can feel the annoyance radiating off of the small blond, so I grab my phone and take it into the kitchen to answer it. “Hey Tori, are you on your way home?  I ordered pizza. The small blond and I have started the demon-hunting without you.” I say into the phone. “Really, one would think having the pizza first would help with the demon hunting.  I mean you could use the pizza as a very effective bate to lure a poor unsuspecting demon into your trap before you spring and attack him with your no doubt alluring feminine wiles.  Now is there a sign up list for demons to volunteer or do I just have to wait for you to find me?” A smooth deep and very male voice spoke over the line. “Who the fuck is this, and why do you have my friends phone.” I could feel the rage in my voice masking over the fear. “Whoa chicka calm down. My name is Murmur.  Your friend was in a little car accident, she is fine, but she is staying here tonight with us” I could just hear the smug smile in this assholes voice.  That just fueled my rage.  Take a deep breath I try to keep my voice calm and quiet, I dont want to worry the small blond before I have to. “Oh, I am sorry, are you a medical professional calling from the hospital to inform me to come pick up my friend?” I ask, my tone dripping with sarcasm.  “No? Well then maybe you should give the phone to my friend so she can tell me where to come pick her up. And I swear to god if a single hair on her head is even slightly out of place I will own your ass. Do I make myself clear you arrogant douche nozzel. Now hand her the phone!”   Seriously I know life is a bitch, but today it is having puppies. This shit is ridiculous. “Douche nozzel,  you know if I had feelings they might almost be hurt.  I mean I am trying to do the stand up thing here.  I helped rescue a damsel in distress, putting a smudge in my perfectly shiny white knight armor in the process I might add, and then I call her friend so no one worries about her.  And this is the thanks I get?  Harsh.” Under normal circumstances, I would find his banter amusing  if not even a little charming.  Today is not a normal circumstance.  In fact today, all his witty banter has done is insure that any regret I may of felt about being a tad harsh is just gone. “Give Tori the phone” I growl. “No can do, cupcake. She is being seen by our Medic at the moment, and she is kinda out cold.  But I am being assured she is fine and I will have her call you when she is awake.    Tootles!”   The line went dead, oh   hell to the no.  Om Sarah  breath, inhale, exhale repeat as necessary. Once I am sure I am at least sort of in control of my rage, I calmly grab the phone, and call Tori’s cell.   Ok I will be civil, collected, calm and I dare say courteous, so I can find out what happened, where my friend is and get her home.   “Aw, sweetheart did you miss me already? Really its cute but its getting a little embarrassing.” The condescending male voice answers “WHO ARE YOU, AND WHERE IS TORI” Well, so much for calm and collected. “I told you, princess.  My name is Murmur, and your friend is fine. I will personally make sure she calls you as soon as possible. And since you have no idea where I am, or she is for that matter, and I have disabled the GPS on her phone, you are just going to have to take my word for it. And although I am sure you do a very sexy impersonation of a fire breathing dragon and are so ready to storm the castle to retrieve your wayward friend here, you wouldn't know what castle to storm. So you are just SOL.  Sorry Xena, no warrior princess impressions for you today, so put away the circle blade and have a seat, someone will contact you shortly.” Then the line went dead Calmly setting down my phone, so I dont throw it against a wall.  I take a few deep breaths to try and get my anger under control.  Breath in breath out  Breath in, breath out.   I start to repeat my mantra, “sun is warm grass is green, sun is warm grass is green….  Fuck this  sun is hot grass is fucking dead.”   Time to get some help and get shit taken care of,  heading back into the living room, I wonder how ethical my favorite small blond is. “Hey, Vivi..  If someone where to turn off the GPS in a cell phone,say Tori’s for example, could you still tell me where it is, or where it was when it was last turned on?”   Vivi turned towards me and raised an raising an eyebrow considered my question. “Could I?  Yes, I am all knowing and my powers of intellect are indeed beyond measure,  will I?   Well, its unethical, an invasion of privacy and illegal, so it depends on why and what I get out of it.” “I’ll learn how to play D&D and I will play for at least 2 hours once a month.” I offer knowing how badly she wants to play on a table top and not just with her friends on line. “3 hours twice a week, Tori plays too AND I get to watch the that show with the slutty not a demon chick” she countered. “No, I would let you watch it but your mom would kill me.  THen resurrect me just to off me again.   But I will agree to 2 hours once a week with me and Tori, and I will take you to buy more figurines.” “Fine, no show. But 3 hours once a week and one weekend a month where we play a long mission, I mean an all nighter with junk food and a lot of caffeine.” “You mean you want to take one netflix binge night and turn it into a D&D night?” “Yes” She nods “Done”  We shake on it and she grabs her laptop.  “So how long will this take you and your mad hacking skills” “I will have a location before the pizza gets here, and the delivery guy just pulled up.”  THe door bell rings and I go to answer the door. Once I am walking back to the living room with the boxes and a roll of paper towels to use as plates, Vivi already has the laptop open and sitting on the table. “She was at fountain head park running in circles, like a crazy person,  seriously who runs around a park In Arizona in the summer.  A small man made lake does not an oasis make.  Still hot, still crazy.  Anyway, then she left, or at least her cell phone did and the GPS was turned off in downtown phoenix. Right off central ave, in a really nice area. Looks like its right by those newish condos  the ones that look like a massive castle. She probably met some hot rich guy and is off making poor life choices.” “You hacked into the GPS on Tori’s phone and got all of that in two minutes?” I am just stunned.   “Ok first off its not like you asked me to hack the pentagon and get nuclear codes, honestly.   But no, I didn’t hack anything, mom has us all on a family plan for our phones, and she has some parental control thingys, so I just logged in and looked at the GPS logs,  then I used that with google maps and bam  info.  Common sense, really isn’t a super power ya know.”  She grabbed the pizza boxes from me and grabbed her first slice of pineapple pizza and started picking all the pineapple off. “I also went ahead and checked her car’s GPS and emergency system thing. It was also at the park,  but it logged a minor accident.  The incident report says it was a minor accident no injuries, and only a little cosmetic damage to the car itself. It said owner verbally confirmed no injury and that they had someone who would take the car to get it repaired.  It also noted police were not called, and that insurance would not be used because the other party was at fault and is paying for the damages out of pocket.  Since the report said owner verbally confirmed I am not overly worried.  Tori, isnt dumb and she is a big girl she can take care of herself.” I am not worried.”   I hate to admit it, but I think she is right.  I did get a call saying she was alright, and as long as I get another call in a few hours I shouldn't start panicking. She probably did find some hot guy and is making poor life choices. It isnt something she does often but it has been known to happen. Plus, she has been super stressed lately  maybe it will do her some good. “Fine, if you are soo smart tell me why, for the love of god, you make me order pineapple pizza and then pick all the pineapple off?” “Because I don't like to eat the pineapple, I just want a little pineapple flavor, like pineapple essence pizza, now can we get back to supernatural?  Or would you like me to get you the D&D guide, I play the 5th edition.”  As we settle on the couch ready to watch a few more episodes and eat our cheesy greasy dinner of awesome, I cant help but to think about Tori and where she is and if she is ok. Most of what Vivi told me matches the story that guy with the weird name said, but its just not really clicking me for me.  When I pick up my phone I see a text from a number I dont know. Unknown: Hey warrior princess, I figured you might be a little pissed off with our previous conversation, so I figured I would shoot you a message to assure you, again, that your friend is ok.  I would really hate for you to tail spin into an evil plot to hunt me down and murder me. And if I am being completely honest,  your cute little threats are pretty sexy, so I was hopeing for a few more of those to hold me over for the night. My god the nerve of this guy. Who the fuck talks like this? Sarah: OMG Douche nozzle,  you are disgusting.  But why would a text from an unknown number make me feel better about you kidnapping my friend? Unknown: Again  the name is Murmur,  not douche nozzle, but I will answer to mother fucker.  And here, for your piece of mind and spank bank.   I cant help a quick laugh as a picture comes through on my phone of a very attractive man who is doing the worse duck lips face I have ever seen in true selfie tradition. Sarah: And what exactly is that picture suppose to prove?  How do I even know that is you.  You probably googled selfie and just downloaded the pic of the first almost attractive person you saw. Unknown: that is a pic of me I just took  #nofilter   and what do you mean ALMOST attractive.  I will have you know I am considered adorable by some, pretty     by most and 100% fuck-able by all.   But I sent the pic so if your friend isnt home by tomorrow morning, you know what to look for when you start hunting me down for the maiming. Sarah: I still dont believe its you, you could be starting me on a quest to go hurt some innocent little European model while you are at home, in your moms basement eating nachos and playing World of Warcraft after selling my friend into slavery. Unknown: Ok dollface, what will it take for you to believe that is me.   And dont think for a second that I didn't notice you said I looked like a European model,  seriously I am blushing over here. Sarah:  send me a pic with a fork balancing on your nose. Unknown:  … uh  ok   give me a min.  I actually have to get up and find a fork. A few moments go by and my phone chimes with another message.  Its a picture of the same man balancing a fork on his nose. I stifle the a laugh and the true ridiculousness of this pic, and I save it to my phone and create a contact for this guy.  I need to save his number so I can make sure he gets Tori home. Kidnappy douche nozzle:  Believe me now sweetness? Sarah: Well that could be anyone with a fork on their nose Kidnappy douche nozzle:  Really, Really?  Riddle me this batgirl why would anyone take that pic, except in this specific situation.   Sarah:  Fine,  so the pic is you.  But that doesnt mean you have my friend and she is safe or that you are bringing her home. Kidnappy douche nozzle:  Well I would take a pic of your friend for you, but she is in my friends bed, and from what I have been told  taking pictures of women in bed without their knowelege is frowned upon.   Its just past the level of creepy I am willing to go to,  even for  a feisty thing like you.   Now it only seems fair that since I sent you 2 pics you send me atleast one  ;) Sarah: Life isnt fair, I am not sending you anything.   But you will return my friend in the morning or all hell will break loose and I will kill not only you     but everything you have ever even liked. Kidnappy douche nozzle: I will keep you updated on whats going on and when she is headed back home. Sarah:  then you may yet survive this. Kidnappy douche nozzle: now kitten, dont make promises you arnt willing to keep.

[shtbgs-blog]

me: has 500 muses me: adds more

shush i am in a battle to have the most muses and just bc i have like 600 doesn’t mean i don’t want to play them a few of these are old old old muses I always have muse for and would love to start playing again.

under the read more you will find introductions for:

ambrose hartley ( bebe rexha ) colby blackstone ( sofia black-d’elia ) harley maddox ( miley cyrus ) brinley joseph ( chloe norgaard ) quinn james ( kehlani parrish ) daniel silver ( herman tommeraas ) lance nash ( justin bieber ) holden clover ( james franco ) & conor johnson ( nicholas hoult )

Do I hate myself? Yes I do.

AMBER ROSE “AMBROSE” HARTLEY looks an awful lot like BEBE REXHA. SHE is TWENTY-SEVEN and while they're PLAYFUL, they have a tendency to get pretty ABSENT MINDED. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to HURRICANE by HALSEY. 

Ambrose came from a really loving family tbh like, she had no problem with them at all in the slightest

her problem was she just couldn’t stay tame no matter how hard she tried, even when she was young she seemed to be full of energy and at the age of six they had adopted another little girl to be Amber’s best friend

For a long time they were the closest of friends, and there were times where Amber thought they’d be friends forever, but as they grew older she could see how different they really were, and how perfect she seemed to fit into Amber’s family

Better than Amber ever had, actually.

So at the age of eighteen she packed up her things and moved out.

She didn’t move far, at first, instead she decided to crash with one of her girlfriends but that honestly didn’t last long.

That was when she began to travel but no one ever seemed to match her wild and adventurous persona.

While she was gone she did do a lot of bad things you could say. One of those things being mixed up with a man who actually sold her for prostitution but you won’t ever catch her talking about that

During one of these wild adventures, though, someone made the joke that they thought her name was Ambrose because of how fast she speaks. Ever since then it just stuck. That was a few years ago ( 25 )

She just recently came back to Kola after deciding maybe it was time to go home and see her family and old friends. But who knows how long this will last.

COLBY BLACKSTONE looks an awful lot like SOFIA BLACK D’ELIA. SHE is TWENTY and while they’re LAID BACK, they have a tendency to get pretty IMPULSIVE. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to FAST CAR by KHALID COVER.

papa was a rolling stone..... legit

her dad is a rock star and she’s one of hadley’s siblings

her mom is just as wild and firey as her father with a legit passion for music and maybe did a few songs with him but she was most known for kind of being a hot mess ( courtney love vibes )

which is why it’s so fucking weird that colby is the way she is like? she is just this soft spoken chill individual who likes to take photos

she’s been her parents photographer for events since she was sixteen but she’s been dying to get away from them 

so off to kola university it was, where she’s studying photography

she’s here to have a good time and she’s pretty chill

unless you get her stoned then she’s fucking wild

oh and when she’s drunk????

she’s basically a fucking rockstar just like her parents

HARLEM “HARLEY” MADDOX looks an awful lot like MILEY CYRUS. THEY are TWENTY FIVE and while they’re ACCEPTING, they have a tendency to get pretty OBNOXIOUS. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to CURSE OF CURVES by CUTE IS WHAT WE AIM FOR. 

Harley is here to steal your girl honestly they flirt with every single female they come into contact with it’s kind of overwhelming 

but they arent strictly into females they just feel more comfortable around them

They have always been masc / the dom in every single relationship they’ve been in, romantic or platonic. 

They just have always had that more dominant personality type which has lead to them getting into a great deal of fights

When they were seventeen they came out that they identify as agender and go by they/them pronouns but their parents just didn’t seem to get it???

it wasn’t super bad or anything it just lead it to be awkward in their house hold so Harley decided to leave at the age of eighteen after graduation

Ever since they’ve been living with their best friend ( wc ) 

They work in a liquor store where honestly they get to pick up on a lot of people and get invited to a lot of parties so they dig their life a lot tbh.

BRINLEY JOSEPH looks an awful lot like CHLOE NORGAARD. SHE is TWENTY-ONE and while they’re HELPFUL, they have a tendency to get pretty SKETCHY. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to RAINBOW by KESHA

. oh my god this is my oldest muse I’m bringing in so far and I’m actually writing a book based off her life so there’s a strong ass chance this is gonna be long and I’m gonna have the absolute most muse for her because i know her so well

so basically when brin was 16 her father convinced her to start dealing drugs for her in school because it was like the easiest way for him to make money since so many people in LA, California were smoking pot esp in high school 

And her dad has always been like a brodude more than an actual father figure and like she agreed because hey she got to pocket some of the cash and she was able to live her best life right

wrong at seventeen she actually fell in love with someone while her father was gone for a full fucking month and he had the audacity to come back pissed off at her for pulling away from him / he also may be on the run from the cops bc he almost got busted but he was mad at her for the former

so he took her away from la and they began their travels on the road

she never even got to finish high school

Basically she lived in an RV with her father traveling from city to city selling drugs just to get by

Her father had a way with talking to people that made it easier for them to sell and what not but soon, her father’s connection ran dry

She was nineteen the first time one of her fathers friends cornered her in the small RV bedroom and no matter how loud she yelled, he never came.

He swore it’d never happen again.

Three months later it was an almost routine practice and Brinley realized she never meant anything to him

She was too scared to leave and still to this day hasnt

She’s currently living in Kola, California but she’s staying in a motel room

Her father was able to score some drugs when they got there so she’s currently selling but she’s scared when the drugs run out he’s going to turn back to the old routine.

Give me some new friends for her

give me some people who will show her she can leave her father and stay in kola forever

QUINN JAMES looks an awful lot like KEHLANI PARRISH. SHE is TWENTY-THREE and while they’re SELFLESS, they have a tendency to get pretty MESSY. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to THE FEELING by JUSTIN BIEBER. 

Quinn is such a mess of a human being I swear to god

She would give her left foot to a stranger if they needed it which is wild because she thinks thats her best attribute

NO IM JOKING BUT SERIOUSLY THIS GIRL WOULD GIVE ANYONE HER WORLD and she’s so quick to fall in love with people it’s absolutely disgusting

but she’s just the kind of person who thinks too far ahead but she’s such a fucking optimist she feels like everything will work out and nothing could POSSIBLY EVER GO WRONG!

wow is she constantly wrong it’s a problem but listen you can’t get her down no matter how hard you try

she’s new so thats legit all i know about her

DANIEL SILVER looks an awful lot like HERMAN TOMMERAAS. HE is TWENTY-THREE and while they’re HELPFUL, they have a tendency to get pretty UNREALISTIC. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to I’LL SHOW YOU by JUSTIN BIEBER.

Oh my god this wild fucking animal right here was well, at first he was cosima silver’s nephew but now since i have them in the same group he’s her cousin and lives with her in the apartment above her little shop

This did not happen easily, oh no, he comes from a family of very strict parents who actually exiled Cosima’s family from their lives at a young age because they believed in her ‘gifts’ and they thought they were crazy

Daniel, though, thought the exact opposite. When they were young and before the split happened Cosima would talk to Daniel about her gifts and he would reel in them and he literally loved it so much

But when they were cast out of the family Daniel sort of realize just how horrible his family actually was??? and how different he was????

Sadly his dumb ass was honestly stuck there until a month ago where he finally packed up his shit and completely bailed on his family then moved in with Cosima and he’s been here ever since

He works in her shop as a tarot card reader or rather, he’s trying to learn how to do it. He has literally no gifts but he wants to help people and maybe start to learn from Cosima 

Personality wise he’s my big pansexual mess who is flirting and messing around with just about everyone every chance he gets and he just lives for making out and hooking up and having a good fucking time okay

LANCASTER “LANCE” NASH looks an awful lot like JUSTIN BIEBER. HE is TWENTY-SIX and while they’re RELIABLE, they have a tendency to get pretty IRRITABLE. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to HOLY GRAIL by JAY Z FEAT. JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE.

 lets start off with the fact that Lance is the oldest of SEVEN CHILDREN his mother being the common denominator 

Lance was the first born and her most prized son out of all the kids but as he got older, and she started having so many suitors, and started toying with various hard drugs he sort of lost that connection with her and was forced to grow up way too young.

When he was ten, he already had three siblings, each one of them born a year or two after the other and Lance was the only one who could really take care of them. Him and the second oldest were often left in charge of the kids but they didn’t want much to do with all the kids and Lance sort of understood that.

When he turned nineteen and the second oldest was eighteen they left town without so much as a letter which only forced Lance to become the actual father the whole family needed.

His life has always been about the kids. He now has siblings ranging from 3 to 25 and he usually keeps tabs on all of them. 

But ya boi has to make money some how, so, he’s dedicated any time he can get away from the youngest kids to doing what he does best and thats babysitting drug addicts or being a designated driver.

He personally does not do drugs but he knows what to do and how to take care of people when they’re tripping so he has become the druggie babysitter of Kola, California.

He’s honestly a really cool dude who is actually really fucking helpful all of the time

He just gets really god damn moody sometimes and wants to punch people in the throat but think about it his day starts at 6 AM with 2 children and 2 tweens, you’d be moody as hell too by 9 pm while driving some drunk asshole home

HOLDEN CLOVER looks an awful lot like JAMES FRANCO. HE is THIRTY-NINE and while they’re BALANCED, they have a tendency to get pretty FICKLE. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to A WALK THROUGH HELL by SAY ANYTHING. 

his gif doesn’t match my aesthetic at all or his aesthetic but IDGAF BECAUSE IM ALIVE FOR IT

ANYWAY Holden is a cop:tm: he’s been idolizing them his entire life and now he’s just a good guy cop who sometimes lets people off with a warning and is that ‘cool cop’ around town like

all the kids love him, even criminals like him he’s just really charismatic and seems really chill????

ugh i have literally virtually no information for him other than he was divorced and it’s gonna be one of the many wcs i write up and submit but if someone wants an ex husband who gets too focused on his job all the time hmu for sure

he also has a younger brother who may or may no t better be dave franco

CONOR "CJ" JOHNSON looks an awful lot like NICHOLAS HOULT. HE is TWENTY-SEVEN and while they're COMPASSIONATE, they have a tendency to get pretty RECLUSE. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to IDK LOVE by JEREMY ZUCKER.

ok he’s not a zombie in his main verse but like if u think for ( 1 ) second im not turning him into a zombie for the zombie verse ur WRONG!!!!

but lets focus on mainverse cj and talk about zombie cj later

Conor has always been a nice and compassionate kid and honestly, he got married at 23 to the love of his life

But after three beautiful years he lost his wife to a car accident and he hasnt been the same since

a lot of people in town look at him like this poor broken bird because ever since his wife died he hasn’t been able to be like a normal human being 

he doesn’t go out

he barely goes to work

he’s going to lose his house

he’s just in a deep deep deep depression and honestly it’s actively sad

but he’s still nice and charming and flirty at times but it’s very rare

[cheskalagran]

BYE 2018

This year has got to be the year jampacked with EVERYTHING. I might have the same motivation to write now but i gotta try for my future self. (bcos yaknow everything that I dont write eventually gets forgotten and i have no way of remembering, it just turns into a blank patch in my mind lyk 2017 lol) whatever happend to 2017??? i was scrolling through this blog and i didnt find any 2017 posts lol what??? was i in a trans or??? idk i have no memory of new year 2017. well i dont want that to happen to 2018 because theres just so much that happened so here it goes.

JANUARY- I started the year in qc.

Jan 2- I saw Mamsh for the first time in uptc. We bought my very first film roll. n Agfa Vista 200 in Satchmi.

Jan 7- i put my first film roll in. took a few shots. oh and im back in marinduque

Jan14 to the end of the month- im just in duque doing normal stuff i guess idk. More MSC days. I was really stressed about being irreg. lol

FEBRUARY-

feb 2 i went to Manila for the opening of Arts Month. IT WAS SO GREAT I NEVER FELT SO ALIVE IT WAS WHAT I ALWAYS WANTED, to live each waking day to be exposed to art. agh fun tyms. i spent 5 days in Bayview and everyday i went to luneta park for workshops and other shennanigans. While this was all happening i was also shooting for our Trends and Network (?) (subject) video. Reg was my partner in this video we were supposed to put a vissual on a poem our prof gave us.

feb 3

first time to eat yellow watermelon.

went to a baybayin writing workshop and learned how to write baybayin yay

saw autotelic, better days, sud and ben and ben that night

FEB 4- still there

feb 5- attended poetry night and saw mike coroza. saw mamsh again today and we went to national museum. It was the last day of arts month.

feb 6- i went home to duque

Feb 7- i edited my footage

~idk what date but hahaha the video i edited got 75 loooool but our prof gave us another chance to edit the shit.

feb 14- mundo- iv of spades was released. idk how this is relevant to me lol but yeah it was released on this day.

feb 17- UP fair that i wasnt able to go to. Finals week is near im so stressedt

feb 20- im editing the video again. we made a storyline instead of just putting vissuals on the poem.

feb 21- the stress was getting to me. i havent been sleeping bcos of finals and editing so i cut my hair short. the shortest it has been, they said i looked like hannah baker

~idk what date but i finally passed the video and we got 85 thank god for that curve lol~

feb 24- Im back in Manila. first time to ever play with the orchestra in a place which is not marinduque. Played in Makati along with Sta Isabel peeps.

feb 26-

Went to bgc--- to the overrated Venice grand canal place to be exact.

Saw Alex Aiono live.

Bought a new Murakami book (Wind Up Bird Chronicle) that i havent still finished until now

feb 27 to march- marinduque ++ more MSC things

March 29

practiced a viola piece for auditions sa ust but hey its 2019 and i didnt end up auditioning

Moriones festival (holy week)

Watched Baconaua a film by Joseph Laban shot in Mdq. the plot was also mdq related!!! and also socially relevant at present. its kinda about drugs--- well it is about drugs.

april 7- went to ust for enrolment

apr 8- went home na ata i dont even know

apr 13 ICON MANILA DAY1

went to manila for yfc’s 25th anniv!!!!! AAAA ICON 2018~ FULL BLAST

bRO THE THEME WAS MUSICALS AND THEY PERFORMED DISNEY AND THE GREATEST SHOWMAN THEMED THINGS HUHU MY HART IS HAPI

yfc reunion yey

APR 14 DAY 2 - FIREWORKSSS AND TALKS

APR 15- DAY 3

LAST DAY

GOT AN ICON DAVAO SHIRT

NASA ICON RECAP VIDEO AKO

APR 16 ARRIVED IN MDQ FOR FINALS

APR 19- SURVIVED FIRST DEFENSE

APR 23- FINAL DEFENSE

APR 26- SHELLY’S DEBUT

APR 30- FOUND OUT I DIDNT PASS THE UPCAT YO

MAY 3-

GRAD PHOTOSHOOT

SAGALA

MAY 8- 18TH

MAY 10- SURPRISE BDAY CELEB BY THE BEACH T^T gots a new laptop yey. got another murakami book from fiel. got a cool shirt from dem. got my fav necklace (which means so much to me since it has so much connection to who i am--- its a Sta. Claire/ St. Francis pendant from Rome.) Lola passed down a family heirloom to me--- her watch. <3

MAY 11- woke up after last night’s celeb for Graduatioooon.

May 11 to 19- stayed at home and watched movies and shi

May 20-

watched Musika sa Isla’s concert. first time that i sat out since i was so busy huhu.

Went out with Reg and went kayaking

May 21 and onwards more of doing nothing and watching movies and shii

May 29- went out with sum frends i havent seen for so loooong: isa, franz, angge, ira

Jun 2- went out with the fam and tita pina to the beaaachhh

Jun 15- My first provincial Shout!!! YBB LAGUNA!!!

Jun 18- went to shannon falls!!!! hiked and swam with the fam ++ dream favor fam

Jun 19- end of Prov Shout huhu went to amoingon with the YBB laguna team. swam some more in the beach.cried A LOT. said goodbye to fwends huhu

Jun 20- left duque for good

Jun 22- went to ust to settle thingz, dorm hopping

Jun 23- went to ust again

Jun -Jul scrabble, movies, wine, milktea, mc do and a couple of city thingz. Prepared for YCOM acad. long distance organizing with yasu huhu.

Jul 25- went home to duque for YCOM Acad!!! My first and last event as a the provincial YCOM head. cant believe we actually got to put this together huhu sml

Jul 26-28- finally had face to face organizing with the pcg. practiced songs and hosting.

Jul 29- YCOM ACAD NAAA. a lot of hard work paid off in this event. a lot if crying again. said goodbye to friends again.

Jul 30- left for Manila first thing in the morning

Aug 1- First day dorm life

Aug 2- Start of freshmen week. Freshmen pol sci orientation

Aug 3- ROARientation

Aug 4- got very drunk with batch mates uuuhhh which was wrong cos its just the first day and i probably made out with someone???uhhh

Aug 6- Tomasino na ako event. Saw Ben and ben and fourplay mnl

Aug 10-

went to cinemalaya with reg,kly and paul. was supposed to watch liway but ended up watching school service. bumabagyo rn hahahaha.

first time to ride the lrt loool

Aug 11-13- spent 3 days alone in qc aHAHAHA they were in cebu

~Lol kinda  dated a blockmate or whateva at this time uuhh~

Aug 17- parents visited manila, we went to intramuros

Aug 20- kuyas bday

Aug 21-saw reg and we watched another cinemalaya entry: Madilim Ang Gabi. sobrang slow paceeeedddd but ya it was about ejk. #SupportLocal

Aug 22 and onwards- A LOT OF READINGS

Aug 28- bar hopping with 7wonders

MORE STUDYING

Sep 5- saw Sud again in ust. org week ata??

MORE STUDYING

~kinda stopped dating that blockmate na~ ahahah

MORE STUDYING

Sep 21- saw shelly, aira, and fiel at Happy T. met someone but never talked again after that nyt. slept at fiel’s

MORE STUDYING

Sep 28- YFC GA

Sep 29- WENT TO SHE’S ONLY SIXTEEN’S 10TH ANNIVERSARY WITH MAMSH BROOOOOOO (XX: XX Makati)

ang bandang shirley

lions and acrobats

mellow fellow

rusty machine

oh flamingo

sandwich???

i forgot the others huhu

IT WAS WILD I LOVE SENA

OCT 4-5- PRELIMS ((no sleeping starts))

Oct 10-pre lims. got rly unexpected close friendships. slept at dean’s.

Oct 20- Island with shelly, ira, dean and sum binilde friends. met sum ppl. slept at mark’s

MORE STUDYING! ! !

~kinda started talking to someone i actually like~

OCT 29- FINALLY WENT BACK HOME TO DUQUE HUHU

OCT 29- went to the beach with reg trisha cavite peeps and kuya francis. saw kent kuya jm and jayson at kuya karl’s

OCT 31- inuman with friends i havent seen for so loooooong, drew, ira, pam, josh, angge

UNDAS- made my term paper about islam huhuhuhuhuhu d y i n g

NOV 3- went to the beach with yfc people huhuhu yasu mat ninyah and others. quest ang gracenote were there at villa aplaya also ahahaha

NOV 4- haaayyy left duque again :<

MORE TERM PAPER MAKING

NOV 14- first meeting of that ~someone~ im talking to. went to rou bourbon. agh i actually like this guy can u believe it

NOV 16- saw ~that guy~ again. went over to his place and met his dog

MORE STUDYING

Nov 23- saw ~ that guy~ again// study date

MORE STUDYIN BCOS FINALS IS NEAR IM DED

Nov 29- adventures with dean and mia at 3am. smoked a lot this month brOo i was ded more studying

Dec 2- mom visited me huhu lord tnx

Dec 3- Agape

Dec 8 onwards- FINALS WEEK a lot of smoking//very very very ded at this point

Dec 13- SURVIVED FINALS AND WENT OUT WITH 1POL3

Dec 15- i was high with kuya and claud

Dec 17- drank with kuya and claud

Dec 19- i was high

Dec 20- mom and micha and pau arrived

Dec 21- PASKUHAN with micha <3 ~the guy~ i was talking to ditched me lol. the dating thing was “paused” looooooool things started going downhill again but paskuhan was so fun!!!!! huhhuhuh definitely made me feel things. saaw ransom collective and spongecola <3 mia and chad r now together. micha slept in my dorm

Dec 23 and 24 and 25- christmas shenanigans in ateneo.

Dec 24- cinco ako sa nstp. i died seeing this

Dec 28- BANDERSNATCH!!!!!!!

Dec 29- went to bulacan for Kuya Oyo’s wedding cute couple

Dec 30-31- STAYCATION with the fam

DEC 31- went home and welcomed the new year. smy prof hasnt still replied for the cinco he gave me.

yaaaaalllllll 2018 was rough. a lot has happend. and im difinitely not the same person anymore. whats worse is that im kinda disappointed of what i turned out to be. :/ things are just sad. i havent been able to pick myself up until now. idk if im just in the right place or in the right time or with the right people but all u i know is that things could be in a much better place. i just hope that 2019 would put things in a better place. i cried a ton shit of tears this year. cut a few scars.left a lot of people. so much new things. it was my wildest year so far. Living independently alone, surviving college and the city life--- it was very different from what Im used to. but hey i survived and im proud of myself for that.2018 u were painful---so painful.  U made me try so hard and fail so hard at every aspect. I tried to maintain ties with friends even though it wasnt rly my thing. It was so hard for me to maintain connection agh but at least i still tried. Acads wise, I tried so hard to study for that one major prelim exam and i failed--- for the very first time, i failed a major exam. I tried to love--- yup--- thats totally not me--- i tried to date people. but lol things rly just dont work out sometimes. it be lyk that sometimes. ako pa yung dinitch HAHAHAHAH lol

the first half of the year was so fulfilling a lot of fun times. Never have i ever felt lyk i knew myself so much. everything i did was everything i wanted to do. For the first time i felt lyk i was turning out to be who i wanted to be but surprise everything turned around at the second half of the year.

it  made me feel lost it made me feel alone. its 2019 and that feeling hasnt changed. still a ton shit of anxiety. god Every holiday season i try my best to get in the holiday spirit but hah this year no matter how hard i try i wasnt just feeling it.  everything feels so static i dont wanna be like this anymore. The second half of 2018 made me feel like im the wrong place am i in the wrong place i dont know.

[christianmarkchristian]

N A K E D in H O L L Y W O O D

my autobiography, to be published daily or weekly,  AS IT IS WRITTEN. 

BEYOND SELF PUBLISHING: this is a 100% OPEN BOOK PROJECT 

-where I publish (share) AS (not after) I write, allowing readers to experience not just an autobiography but the experience of WRITING the autobiograpy as well.

on TUMBLR will be the BOOK in progress and eventualy, finished.

on FACEBOOK will be daily or weekly chapters/installments.

____________________________________________________________

PART 1

WHY WRITE AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY? Of course, its about the life of Christian Mark Christian but I intend to go into deeper themes as well:

1. God. If you are averse to God or Judaeo-Christian concepts about God, I hope you will not be “put off” by occasional references I will have to make in the course of remembering my life. My plan is not to be IN YOUR FACE about God but spiritual seeking has always been a huge part of my life and to omit this part would be to make the whole story a big lie.

2. VALUE - how we value our lives and our identity is critical to me and my development as a man. There is a fine line between thinking we are “so great that someone needs to write a book about us” and “our lives dont matter.” I have struggled GREATLY my whole life with feelings that my life isnt important, that I dont matter, that Ive been rejected and abandoned. Writing this will be the greatest therapy I can imagine. Writing this is telling myself, reminding myself, that I AM IMPORTANT and SO ARE YOU. 

3. Autobiography in the age of Interactivity. I’m not sure how many projects like this have been published online or in print but the thought occured to me that an autobiography can be, for the first time in history, more than a “book;” it can be an interactive EXPERIENCE. I can include links in my writing that take the reder to the places I am referencing. 

4. “To know is to love.” Honestly one thing that has always frustrated and disappointed me is that I feel like many or even MOST people “dont get me.” 

Too often I hear the word “weird” to describe me, when I would prefer to hear “unique” or “unusual.” I really am not even a fan of the word “eccentric.” 

Was Steve Jobs “weird?” Was Van Gogh “weird.”? Is Elon Musk “weird?” 

My feeling is that “weird” is considered a negative connotation or description, one I do not want and one that is hurtful when used to describe me. I dont feel like anyone who really knows me would ever call me “weird.” So,one huge function of this book is to eradicate the word “weird” as a description of Christian Mark Christian, once and for all and replace it with UNIQUE or RARE.  

Yeah, through no choice of my own, I’ve endured some things that are not typical of most lives. 

My dad’s suicide and that, co-inciding with the loss, at the same time, (divorce) of my Step-Dad. 

Millions have lost a Dad or a step dad through divorce or suicide but not as many have suffered both losses in the same year. 

Genius level IQ at age 7. 

Grew up around the world. 

Shared a 2-bedroom apartment with my Mom, until I got married at age 44.

Living with my ex-wife in an apartment in Hollywood, in an effort to heal and reconcile. 

Yeah-these are not typical of todays American “man”. I’m not “proud” of these things; nor am I ashamed of these things; I never planned on my life going the way it did. 

Regardless-when I became a Christian, at age 36,when I was “Born again,” I Iearned that God (if you choose to believe) “makes all things new” and “uses everything-even negative things, for eventual and ultimate good.” 

Regardless of the pain and tragedy I’d experienced, I was taught that it would all be used in a positive way, in time. 

Maybe this BOOK is that “positive way.” Maybe some who can relate will get a degree of emotional healing by reading; thats certainly my hope. 

But “to know is to Love.” I feel confident that many of my friends, in reading this book, will get to know me much better and in that, will be able to love me more. And who doesnt want to be loved.... and loved some more?

____________________________________________________________

part I

I was a second and final son, born seven years after my brother, into a USAF family, in Altus, Oklahoma. WWII was far enough behind but had left scars on my pilot Dad's psyche.

James (Jim) Charles Ralph, my Dad, dreamed of being an artist/illustrator for Foote, Cone & Belding, a top advertising agency. His creative dreams were cut short when the US let go of an isolationist foreign policy, geared up for war and he was drafted as a 19 year old, into the skies over his ancestral homeland (Germany.) 

As I understand it, Pearl Harbor "woke" us to the need to become involved again in foreign wars. Isolationist foreign policy would become a relic of the past; we quickly entered a war on several continents. 

Dad had grown up in Glendale, CA. a suburb that has since become a major Armenian cultural enclave in L.A. Ironic that I sit here typing this around eighty years later--a few miles west in another little enclave (part of Hollywood) officially called "Little Armenia." It really shows me that the themes and threads and patterns of life are stronger than we might think. In my case, I’ve been told that  the Apple hasnt fallen far from the tree.”

Armenia was, historically, the first place in the world where the name "Christian" was used to denote a follower of Christ. My primary care physician is Armenian and I am friends with several Armenians, so there seems to be a connection here, maybe one that will be explored in more depth as I write this...

-or maybe not.

The marriage was tempestuous. Jim, returning from the war and stationed at McDill AFB in Tampa, was driving a convertible and, the story goes, saw my Mom, Terry-a pretty young teen who modeled fashions for a local Department store. He was a handsome "flyer" or "Airman" and she fell for him, unaware of a Church background that would eventually drive a wedge between her his family.

  My paternal Grandmother, Carolyn Care, was a devout "Christian Scientist” as my Aunt still is, at age 90-something.

She would insist that my Mom, who was a typical American mainstream Protestant Christian, submit to her and the Churches doctrine. "Science" is about the idea that all things are merely the projection of "mind" and that evil or sickness cant exist unless we agree with it and "project" it (wrongful thinking) on ourselves. I always questioned this growing up. Even at a young age, I sensed something about it I had trouble with. Later, as an adult who accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior through various “Word of Faith” ministries, I saw that there was at least partial truths in “Science” even though I still could not follow Mary Baker Eddy’s doctrine in it’s entirety.

Apparently, several months pregnant with me, my Mom contracted pnuemonia or a similar ailment. Carolyn insisted that Terry not see the physician at the Altus Air Force base hospital but turn to a "Christian Science" practitioner instead. Rebelling finally, my Mom went to see the doctor at the base. He supposedly told her that, had she waited even another day, she might have lost the baby (me.) 

Only a few years later, at a Base in San Antonio, Texas, the troubled marriage fell apart with my Mom falling in love with my Pediatrician. I had asthma, most likely something that was brought on by the stress of my parents troubled marriage and she routinely brought me to see him at the base. Regardless of whether I chose to make these things a focus or no

t, they did shape who I choose to be today. I was raised from age 6-7 to 18, by a Pediatrician step-Dad (with my Mom) but my Paternal families Christian Science also had a strong influence on my thinking. 

It was an incredible duality and one I'm doubtful that many (or any?) others have experienced: a parental control and influence struggle between the ideals of Big pharm/modern medicine and "christian science," between the medical establishment and the "alternative healing" movements that originated in Christian metaphysical camps in19th century America.

Today, Health Care is probably the biggest debate in America. And the debate rages around the same two poles- alternative healing vs traditional medicine. Having deep experiential knowledge of both, puts me in a very unique position. Seeking, finding and practicing right doctrine ("righteousness") is central to my life and you can see why: wrong doctrine might have aborted me before I was born. RIght doctrine might have saved my life. The truth about God, his Love and his healing power, is not just "armchair theology" or something I engage in on special Holidays; its always at the core of every decision I make, every day of my life.

PART II

After surviving my Moms sickness and coming into this world as "Mark James Ralph," my first memory of infancy comes from our two story home in Cambridge, UK. where we moved when I was about 2?

My Dad was stationed at Alconbury AFB, about 25 miles away from Cambridge. I actually remember climbing out of my 2nd floor crib and crawling down the stairs, into the living area where my parents and 8 or 9 yr old brother were gathered!

Eventually I started walking and my best friend, a Brit, Andrew lived across the street.

We lived near open land where some Cows lived. I remember a Harvester machine that was called a “Combine” for some reason that I dont know.  I guess seeing it up close-the machinery, the complexity, the sheer power. The blades and the wheat being “threshed”. -All biblical themes, impressed me greatly...

We lived in a suburb of Cambridge, near some farmland and near a stand of trees called "the woods." 

My first "naked" (sexual) experiences were in Cambridge. I saw a male cow on the other side of the fence I was standing by, attempting to mate, jump up on top of a female cow. I was only a few feet away, on the other side of the fence--what the male cow did was so sudden, so unexpected and seemed -I dont have the word for it- not "brutal" (because it was "love" but invloved thousands of pounds of weight and muscle that could have killed a small child had I been involved!) but maybe just “alarming.” I was only about 4 or 5.

Now I’m going to bring up some very personal, private things that most people only reveal to their therapist. They may or may not end up in the final edit however I feel obligated, because of the name of the book-obligated to include them here...

I also initiated a "curious" childhood intimate encounter with Andrew in my bathroom at that time. I mention this only to bring up the topic of gay indocrination. I have no idea why, to this day but this "gay" encounter did not result in my growing up gay.

A few years later, in Wichita Falls, Texas, I initiated another "curious" encounter with a girl my age. We knelt down beside the wheel well of a car in the parking lot of our Apt complex, "TheTimbers" in the dark, at night, where I lifted her skirt to investigate her private parts.

She seemed to go along with it; at least there were no protests, as there had been none with Andrew. Apparently, I preferred the "female" more than the male because I never again had a sexual encounter with a male. Interesting that I remember Andrews name but not the girls name! Is this kind of thing just wired into our DNA? I think so.

I'm not sure what this says about the "born gay" issue but there it is... The result (I think) of these encounters, was this: even as a very young child, I had strong sexual urges which I had no trouble acting on when the opportunity arose. I dont remember sexual feelings ever becoming obsessive ( a good thing) but they were for sure there.

On another note, I remember walking off with Andrew (I think) into the local "woods." Woods is a cool name that has returned as the Church (M O S A I C) I attend locally uses the word in place of "Hollywood." They have several Campuses and use the term "The Woods" for the Hollywood Campus.

Andrew and I apparently, around age 4-5? decided to go on a hike into the woods one day, without telling anyone. My parents (not sure about his) were pretty upset. When I returned, they were happy I was safe. I never did anything so "adventurous" again. I think that was because I didnt want my parents to be so stressed.

I also remember a somewhat traumatic event around the time I was in my crib: my brother had caught a minnow, in a local stream. He had kept it in a jar aqaurium placed on my windowsill. The disturbing thing was that the fish jumped out of its "cage" (the jar) one day and out the window, falling two stories to its death on the concrete (or something hard) surface below.

By age 4 or 5, I had already seen and/or experienced both sex and death. Hollywood, here I (decades later) came.  

Part III

Ahhh, England. I have such fond memories of the years I spent there as a child-truly formative years and I am so deeply thankful that my formative years were spent there. To my best recollection, I spent my 2nd, 3rd and 4th years in Cambridge. 

When I began to speak (at a precocious young age) I spoke with an English accent. I remember my Mom dropping me off at "Shrubbery School" for the first time and the fear of abandonment I felt.I remember my first teacher, a wonderful Lady named "Mrs Clark" and how I related that to a candy bar that existed around that time, known as a "Clark Bar." 

My Mom dropped my off in our English Sports car-I think it was red, a "Sunbeam Alpine." That car was shipped all the way to Texas eventually and my Mom kept it even through her divorcing my Dad. Cambridge was rich with experience and wonder. I cant imagine a more perfect place for my early years and it left a deep appreciation for Brits in my soul, still there to this day. I would go so far as to even call myself an "Anglophile."

At school, we memorized the multiplication tables and began to learn the alphabet-at age 4! When we moved to San Antonio, TX, -when I was five-the school system there wanted to place me in Kindergarten! 

Thank god for the Mt Olive Lutheran School (off the 410 "loop") -where my parents eventually enrolled me. They were still not as advanced as Shrubbery School back in Cambridge, did but at least a better option than public schools.

My mind is flooded with lush beautiful imagery from Cambridge: 

-my Mom riding horseback in the countryside with her Horse riding club 

(and how later that might have played a factor in two girls I was attracted to and a novel "Diana" that affected me deeply in my teens) 

-My brother Christopher playing "conker" with Chestnuts tied to sholeaces! (only the brits would devise a game like this!)

-My brother relating a Jaguar or some other sports car "flying" by his school at some increditble speed. The drama and awe with which he related this formed in me an early apprecation for fast cars,one which has continued to this day.

The "punts" on the Cam river and the gorgeous Colleges in Cambridge, that all seemed to be named after Jesus or Mary! 

When I hear Christians acting as though the intellect isnt important now, I cringe. Cambridge was the birthplace of intellectualism and Christian thought. C.S. Lewis lived and worked there. Christianity is the most advanced culture of philosophy and Academic systems. The fact that atheism largely eradicated these roots  in the 20th Century is a very sad thing indeed and something I hope my life can be part of reversing. For Centuries, being a Christian and being an intellectual, a thinker, were synonomous. While I appreciate experiential knowledge and mysticism, lets not throw out suc a glorious inheritance so easily.

."http://histclo.com/country/eng/pe/pe60johnsc.html

NOTES for more stories to come: 1. B-day in St Tropez, the large round tray of raosted nuts, possible topless female sunbathers. The back seat of the VW bug, winding through the mountains in South of France, then LifeCycling through the area as an adult working out "Spinning" Berchtesgarden, the Bus, the rock thrown down the cliff into the forest, the rock that broke something...My brother and the Jaguar going 100. Shrubbery School, the rubbish can, "conquer" nut game with chestnuts. My brothers weird hobby of using sewing kits to lower things out hotel windows, then later doing the same to recover bottle caps in San Antonio. The possibility of this project being a catalyst for restoring my relationship with my brother and even step-Dad. How God restores family. The "punts" on the river Cam, Wimpy Burges and Brits eating burgers with knife and fork. How I envisined "the states" and in my mind saw a Giant "steak. The pass-through window-a first architectural design feature. My first bike, how I copied Andrew and the bike had front wheel brakes, how we'd ride around the block. Snow, and my first snowman, snowball fights.going w my family into some woods where my Dad chopped down a Christmas tree. First Christmas's. Alconbury AFB, the hangar. I was impressed and it made my Dad look so cool. I felt bad that he had to drive 25 miles, that seemed so far. Our trips to London. FIsh & Chips. Sightseeing, the trains. The White cliffs of Dover. My favorite TV show about the creatures that lived on the banks fo the river.

Highlights of a life well and not so well, lived:                        

Lived in or visited: the UK, Germany, The Netherlands, Belgium, Texas, MS, NorCal, FLA, DC, Virginia, West VA, New Orleans, AZ, New Mexico, Austria, Switzerland, Denmark, France. HIGHLIGHTS:

Celebrated my 4th B-day in the South of France. Crossed the English Channel age, 12 on a Hover craft

Visited (Hitler’s lair in Berchtesgarden) age 4.

Visited Monticello (Jefferson’s home) age 4

Crossed the Atlantic in a commercial Airliner several times, aged 4-14.

Skied in the Swiss Alps and Lake Tahoe, age 10-12.

Lived in a Penthouse on the Rhine river, age 11-12.

Rode the train from Wiesbaden to Stuttgart, Germany age 12.

Visited Castles on the Rhine river, age 11-13.

Flew, as 10 yr old passenger, in a small Cessna, from San Diego to Tampa.

Rode or drove from the South or Texas, to CA, several times age 10-30’s.

Crossed the Pacific (Hawaii) as an adult.Vacationed in Maui, Palm Springs, Santa Barbara, Switzerland, The Netherlands, London, Paris.

Attended several F1 “Grand Prix” races around Europe and Long Beach, CA and Autosports events, age 8-12, Around America. Won several non-pro autosports trophies, age 20-22. Won #1 Singles (Tennis) MVP Trophy in High School, age 18.  

Got to State Finals on HS Tennis team age 18.

Won several 1st place ribbons in Biloxi, MS Art Shows, age 17.

Was offered Art Scholarship to Ole Miss University, age 18.

Paid $5000 to write a Greek Comedy movie script (Middle Age)

Twice paid $5000 to paint oil portraits (Middle Age)

Starred in a Prime Time major News Network Reality Show (one episode) (Middle Age)

Enjoyed hundreds of hikes in Griffith Park and other local trails. (Middle Age)

Had two jobs as live-in Private Chef in a $1.5M luxury Homes (Middle Age) in the Hills, in L.A.

Was hired by Ben Affleck, given my own trailer and worked on an Oscar winning film (ARGO, as on-camera hand double/sketch artist) Middle Age. As a visionary: saw self driving cars, in 2002, mobile hands free phones in 1995, “Gravity” script, in the 1980’s, MTV music videos, at age 12, years before MTV, the Hyperloop in 1995. Written 12 feature film “spec” scripts (Young-Middle Age) Married 11 years, divorced and re-established financial trust with my ex wife, now close friends and writing partners with her. Have experienced total melt-down/destruction of a marriage and the total rebuilding of that friendship. Have been friends with a few celebs. (actors, singers) Partied in Hollywood clubs and luxury homes, all over Los Angeles, hundreds of times. 25--Middle age Attended numerous Pop Music or Rock concerts at almost every venue all over Los Angeles. Age 12-Middle Age Interviewed on a West L.A. Sound stage, along with 5 of my paintings, for a SHOWTIME 35 mm film doc on Marilyn Monroe that Premiered at the Palm Springs Int. Film Festival, age-30’sAttended the Premiere of that Film, in Palm Springs, where I enjoyed minor, fleeting celebrity status.My art appeared once, in PEOPLE magazine.

30’sI enjoyed backstage at a MOODY BLUES concert at Universal Amphitheater.

20’sI had a Publicist for my Art -30’s.

I’ve had front-row box seats at the Hollywood Bowl. Middle AgeI

met the Great-grandson of the founder of Hollywood. Middle age

I’ve visited or worked on, every major studio lot in Los Angeles and Hollywood. Young-Middle AgeI’ve enjoyed beaches in Maui, Los Angeles, Northern California, Mississippi, Florida and The Netherlands. 4-Middle Age I attempted to surf in Malibu. 20’s Been to Art Museums all over the world, including numerous visits to the Getty in Brentwood. 4-Middle Age Helped my architect brother flip homes many times in Los Angeles. 20’sDesigned many residences as an Architecture student/aspiring architect, in High School. Designed and contracted a hip, post-modern Silver Lake Laundry to Bathroom conversion, in budget. Middle Age Enjoyed hundreds of great shoulder/full body/foot massages Young-Middle age Swam in secluded pools on Maui -Middle AgeHad amazing revelatory spiritual experiences as a Christian 20’s-Middle Age. Attended/Worshipped Jesus at almost 20 different Church locations all over Los Angeles over 1000 times since 1993. Studied every major religion in depth 20’s-Middle Age. Sold almost 200 original paintings. 20’s Middle Age Had several one-man shows at Cacao, a popular West L.A. Coffee shop, owned by the Designer of iconic BigFoot Lodge in Atwater Village. 30’sCurated several group shows at Cacao. 30’s Participated in several ground breaking group show/parties at the infamous Black Cat Gallery in Mar Vista. Middle Age Been paid as: Photographer, Designer, Contractor, Writer, Musician, Oil Portraitist, Organizer and Chef. 12-Middle Age Worked on almost 200 professional movie, TV or commercial sets in a variety of positions. Middle Age Written, Directed and Produced several low budget short films and/or videos. Middle Age Created authentic food from many international cuisines. 30’s Middle Age Enjoyed about $5000-$10,000 in the finest restaurant cuisine in L.A., New Orleans, Germany, the Netherlands and France. 4-Middle age Briefly co-owned, with my then-wife, a catering company which catered several events. Middle Age Briefly co-owned, with a friend, a failed Hollywood event company. Middle Age.

[lesoleilxjulien]

tokyo - alternate.

if they wouldn't share the same flight Jerome would just stand defeated in the airport tbh if Julien had to leave first. He'd just let voices pass along him because he doesn't care to pay attention. BUT okay. He walks around and i feel Julien would spot him first because he's just paying attention to nothing in particular with him being so tired and emotionally drained and ;-; its so strange because Jerome hasnt felt visibly small since he arrived in Korea, in need of protection or a safety net. But Julien would just protect Jerome with these things when people question and bug him about it and Jerome just gets visibly uncomfortable and pained to Julien and oh mygOD

He overhears some idols talking about who's hooked up w who and the mention of Jerome and that model catches his attention; he's ready to yell at them and chastise them for their actions but it's a flash of a camera that stops him. It's a reminder that they're in public, and he can't be like that in public. But while waiting for Jerome he finally sees him and jogs over to catch his attention. There'd be a light touch of Julien's hand on Jerome's back, guiding him to an area in the airport lounge that's relatively quiet and empty before having a seat. "Hey;;" he'd murmur softly, sitting next to him "did you get some rest?

JULIEN MY SON IN LAW. The fact that he almost broke his public presence when it was about Jerome hurts me so much? But Jerome is hardly paying attention until he feels the hand on his back and he's startled but the second he sees it's Julien he relaxes instantly, eyes lighting up just like they did every time he received a text. He just follows him without a word, his expression telling enough even with half of his face obscured with the black mask. They walk until the lounge and Jerome can't stop looking at him, sometimes letting his gaze fall to the floor but never in front of him, trusting him enough to guide him. And when they reach the lounge they'd sit together and he hears Julien ask him that, eyes falling to concentrate on his hands folded between his legs. "No." He mumbles truthfully behind the mask. He felt like he should've lied, say he rested up nicely but he couldn't. He dodges questions with Julien but would never lie. Could never lie. He doesn't like lying. Lying hurts. And he could and would never lie to the person he cares for the most. That's what Marie did. Lie. And he hates her for it. "Not after you left." He'd look at him then with an expression that almost told him not to feel guilty about it. Because there is nothing to be guilty about, only to feel special over that /he/ was the one that got him to sleep. He'd pull his facemask down then to make himself more heard instead of muffled under the fabric. "Did you? You still looked so tired."

UGH YES. They're lucky he didn't clock them honestly. Especially bc they don't know the truth and they should be the ones that know how rumors go better than anyone. But they'd just be sitting in a corner and Julien has his book in his lap and his americano in his other hand while listening to Jerome. He'd frown that Jerome couldn't sleep, but he'd nod in understanding but smile softly and pull off his own mask. "No, I just ended up reading and getting ready. Couldn't sleep." But he'd hold out his iced americano "want some? If not, maybe you can sleep on the plane?

Ok but sleep deprived Jerome who is feeling all types of way and couldn't vocalize shit just when he was in such close proximity now feels a bit bold and he'd just sigh softly before humming. He'd stare at the drink for a moment before refusing it but showing gratefulness at the offer. He doesn't have much energy and even drinking would feel like a choir, even if the drink would help him get energized for moment. "I'd crash. Worse than now." He says, rubbing his eye before letting himself slouch down in the seat, eyes closing for a moment. head lolled back slightly. "Hmm. Plane. Maybe." He'd take in a breath. "Maybe I can even sleep here." and he'd stay like that for a moment, just eyes closed and looking like he was about to fall asleep before he'd open them again, looking directly at the other again. Boldness sets in. "Why didn't you stay? The night? We'd both would have a good sleep. I think... I think we could've come up with an excuse..You're my friend right? My best friend.. My.." He doesn't finish the sentence, instead starting a new one after a swallow and an averted gaze. "It wouldn't be that strange, would it? Two friends... together.. spending the night." He'd let his gaze fixate on something that happens in the distance, a couple walking, a few idols standing around, the lights of the signs. "It would've made you less reliant on that." Blindly he points at the coffee cup before he lets his hand drop to push himself up straight again. "Would've made me look less.. dead.:" He says this all in a very hushed tone, only speaking to Julien and no one else. He'd hunch forward, elbows on his thighs as he places the palms of his hands on his eyes to rub again. "Ah, I haven't looked like this in a while." PhOnE cAlL. He'd just sit like that for a tad bit until he moves his head so his hands are holding up his face as he looks at Julien again, his eyes slightly watery and red from the tiredness and rubbing he just did. He changes the subject. "Do we actually sit next to each other.. on the plane? Or..." and ok the reason for this sudden rush of boldness is everything combined. The location isn't just them. Though he was staring at him the whole way to where they are seated now it was more of a /Julien I can finally see you/ moment. And he was a bit in awe. But now he feels the need to talk, even if his words seem from wherever, he wants to talk to Julien. im- rip

And if Jerome wanted to get some sleep in the lounge, Julien would be okay with it. He'd even lend his jacket to cover Jerome like a blanket if he needed it;;;; although when Jerome asks him that, Julien kind of freezes. Why is Jerome asking for such a thing from him? Julien would bite down on his lip, dropping his gaze and giving a little shrug to feign nonchalance, but his ears start to turn a rosy shade. "Maybe if I stayed we'd still be in the room instead of here," he'd murmur, pausing to sip from his americano. "Wouldn't that be more strange than a slumber party between... best friends?" He asks. And he says best friends after a pause bc at this point, he's starting to feel a little confusion about what he and Jerome are. Are they more than friends? Just best friends? It's complicated, he thinks. But he throws the idea to the back of his mind. Instead, he takes another sip of his drink, watching as Jerome rubs his face before looking at him. "I mean. I'm sure we could probably sweet talk whoever is in the next seat over to switch, if you'd like that. It'd make the flight much more bearable." And they talk. It's soft and mumbled to each other but it's a talk;;;;;

Jerome would gladly fall asleep now, head resting on Juliens shoulder and jacket covering him. But he tries to stay awake. So he talks. And thoughts slip out. But Juliens answers peak his interest. He's looking at him then so he'd notice the reddening of ears but just barely because hes's registering Juliens answer. Would they? Would they still lay together then? Still with Juliens arms around his waist and his back against Juliens chest, just eyes closed and bathing in the warmth that left too soon. Did Julien just admit he'd hold him for so long then? Did Jerome hear it correctly? He just blinks and tries not to let his skin colour because it would be too noticeable on his paled skin, he flushing slightly though, not having the power for anything let alone stop something like that. "Mhm. Might be. Might not be. All I know is that I wouldn't mind. I don't mind things when they involve you." He admits, a slight play on the words he barely whispered in the night when the other asked him if holding him was okay. He ends up leaning against him when Julien finishes talking, his eyes closed against but this time he doesn't look like he's drifting off into sleep. "I'd like that. We'd be able to..." and he leaves his sentence there, eyes closed, head against Juliens shoulder, thoughts a jumbled mess. ;-;

TBH and Julien will shut anything down so fast. And Julien's ears would be rosy and his cheeks a light pink as he holds his book and drink while Jerome sleeps. And it's true, really. Julien would be able to sleep. They'd be curled up and the entire day would pass by but they'd be asleep until finally waking up after being well rested. But julien would hum softly. "I wouldn't mind either," he'd murmur. And honestly with Jerome sleeping, julien would sit and stay still, simply reading and drinking from his coffee before it's their turn to get on the plane. And he'd gently nudge Jerome, shaking his shoulder "time to board."

The sunlight would pour between the curtains like honey, illuminating the two sleeping figures but not awakening them. They'd just be close and intimate and in their sleep there is no things to hold them back but to curl against one another under the warm blankets. THEM WAKING UP AFTER THOUGH. Jerome would turn around in Juliens arms after just a while of just them wakening up and their noses would touch and both look like disheveled messes but they both look so beautiful and Jerome just stares at him in the low light of the sun through the window aND WOW I GOTTA STOP THIS DIDNT HAPPEN WHY AM I TYPING SM???? JUMPS but Jerome is against his shoulder and he catches only parts but he's content with letting go. Time would pass and when Julien would awaken him he's blinking his eyes open after moments and the lights would hurt, getting a bit teary eyed because of it but he's looking at Julien now before nodding and reluctantly moving his head off of his shoulder. He stretches, raised hand finding his eye to rub the sleep out of it, yawning. He stays seated for a bit, hands now on his lap, eyes half closed as he looks at whatever is happening in the background before getting up, extending a hand to Julien with not much thought, just natural impulses, as he tries to find his ticket-

he finds it much easier to sleep with Jerome around. ALSO AGREED THO. Like they probably would have overslept and woke up like that but it's so slow and lazy for them, neither of them want to get out of bed. Julien even probably wonders if they could stay another night so they can sleep;;; as soon as Jerome is awake and no longer leaning on him Julien stretches, rising up from the seat with his book tucked under his arm and drink almost finished. But julien actually reaches out and takes his hand in his for a few moments too, mostly bc he's telling himself that he's just leading him from his seat and it means nothing. Ugh these cuties.

Ugh but ok when Julien takes his hand Jerome actually doesn't let go. He doesn't want to. He's standing up and finds his ticket, glancing down at it whilst his hand sits comfortably in Juliens for moments too long but not to be let go of. "Lead the way." He'd say quietly as he glances away from his ticket

Julien would lead Jerome to the gate and would only let go to present his ticket to the agent but once he gets it back he's already grabbing Jerome's hand and heading to the entrance of the plane "I'm sure our managers are fine sitting together," he'd murmur, leading Jerome to where he was assigned;;;;;

rIP Jerome just follows him, shuffling along, almost looking disappointed when Julien has to let go of his hand but their hands are connected again soon after and he feels ok again. I think around this time he doesn't want to leave Juliens side, like at all, so he'd just nod and "They have no choice anyway." said in hushed tone as they walk through the plane. Because honestly tired emotionally drained Jerome will have it be known if his manager complains, but she wouldn't because Jerome rarely looks this bad and she remembered dealing with him during the times of his debut and the phone call and all that, that she rather avoids him like this all together. And Julien is a good influence, she thinks. If the seats would be empty still Jerome wouldn't let go of his hand, instead they'd sit down together and the second they do Jerome's head rests against Juliens shoulder, hair tickling Juliens neck as he just curls against him and gets comfortable, and he would just cover their connected hands with his other one, no time to waste. He has to catch up on what they had back in the hotel room.

and honestly Julien's manager knows how Julien gets and kind of lets him do his thing. He's had to sit next to people before e.g. Azumi bc she's afraid of flying, and his manager knows him so she doesn't mind either. Their managers would probably just be friends at that point. But with Jerome curled up against him and trying to get rest, Julien can't seem to sleep just yet. He's too worried about Jerome, hoping Jerome can actually sleep on the flight, so he instead spends the flight reading and keeping an eye on the man next to him during the entire flight;;;;

AND yo Julien is so precious. Jerome sleeps like a baby on the plane, having fallen asleep just moments after the plane took off. He'd murmur in his sleep some incoherent sentences, hands sometimes holding onto Juliens a bit tighter before relaxing and having his head turn a bit on his shoulder. A peaceful look is plastered all over his tired face that wasn't there when he opened the door to his hotelroom or when he came into the airport. He feels at ease now. Serene in the moment of just holding onto Julien and knowing nothing could hurt him. HONESTLY when Jerome eventually awakens he looks like a disheveled puppy, blinking his eyes open and yawning slightly before looking first at their connected hands he refused to let go off in his sleep and then up to Julien who looks so handsome behind the veil of awakenings.

he occasionally turns to watch Jerome sleep before returning to his book and he knows some people are glancing over bc they still can't figure out how the two are so close bc they're so different. But when he awakes Julien still looks hella exhausted but he smiles softly at Jerome. "Good morning, sunshine. We're back in Seoul." And he'd give his hand a squeeze ;;;;;

Jerome sees him as he blinks his sleepy eyes awake and notices the lack of sleep written over his face. But he also notices the smile and his heart leaps. "You're the sunshine-" He murmurs back quietly as eyebrows knit together in a slight frown of concern when he takes a second good look at him after glancing down at their hands again. With the one hand free from the warm grasp of Juliens, he lets it caress over his cheek for a moment, bumping up his glasses clumbsily in his sleepy state as he just lets the natural action play out. He only stops brushing his digits over his cheek when he comes to the realization that they are still on a plane, still in public, not under the warm blankets of a Tokyo hotel room. He lets his hand drop, retreat as you will, to have it fall in his lap. But not before he whispers. "You haven't slept, you should have slept." Thumb brushing along his cheek bone before eventually dropping his hand. "Why haven't you slept?"

[caremobile]

invest in north  I have a lot more than 10000 hours of writing experience. Whether as a scholar and researcher, or as a legal writer and activist or proposals writer or poet. Rather than encapsulate into one or two pages, To paint a picture in your mind, what, I want to immerse. It’s a matter of me being able to convey, a sentiment, between contaminated saturated grounds to find, reason to want to establish, Justification for lives lost amid a time when no one could get their voice out. A set of ideals and roots. Give you a glimpse of what my life is and how you may feel it matters at the whole scheme of things. I remember I once told my professor of sociology, that we came her as illegal aliens, but I didn’t realize  til later we had diplomatic passports/visas because my maternal grandfather was a career civil servant, and former UN Ambassador. In class our studies dealt with the Nicaraguan Civil War,  and of its devastation to the families, men gone missing--, women gone hungry, children losing their fathers. And to what extent, it had on the mindset on its people-- it seemed, like Armeggedon to them. In contrast to my experience here in America in the onset, it started off with hardship, My father told me of a story of when he had to work overtime so much he  sleep on the floor at work til the next day. This was the beginning. He told me, if I was at an interview, and they ask if I knew how to use a particular technology, just tell them yes, because they will try to train you anyway, and you will learn it. That’s how life is. We left the Philippines when it was under martial law, and, the country was still rather underdeveloped compared to where it is today. Even today,   the country is still very much learning how to react to political and tragic crisis after it’s years of colonial rule and learning from it, fighting off neo-colonialism and neoliberalism where unfair trade practices still tried to own the nations natural resources as if its still very much a colony, and its dictatorships and oligarchies supported in the past as if they were puppets. And Where we fought some of the wars that perhaps didn’t pertain to us, where we really didn’t have to fight. Really wasn’t necessary. Our waterways and our infrastructure are still under reclamation and continuing modernization efforts. Badly damaged by the wars, and we’re recovering from long term illegal economic activity like dumping of waste in our water ways, by thousands of foreign companies, and over development of some of our most pristine areas. My grandparents, all of whom experienced the war, and all the stages of development to the country and its growing pains, our family, yes it’s true, also served. My grandfather served for an American combat unit, and my uncle, his brother, fought as a guerrilla against the Japanese, they saw great conflict, they were shot at, it’s not for me to say if they killed anyone, one served in Vietnam in varying capacities, as an engineer and a soldier, many exposed to Agent Orange. My grandfather died of Cancer, his son died of Cancer at the age of 24, his daughter just finished 24 rounds of chemo, his other daughter has breast cancer, his brother died of cancer, his brother’s wife died of cancer, his sister and her husband died of cancer, I recall the last conversation I had with my great aunt, she asked me if I wanted to have lunch with her, and she never had any children of her own. It didn’t occur to me to make clear time for her. I didn’t know I would never see her again.    I have my own nuerological issues, and I recall my grandmother telling me when one of my uncles died of lung cancer, my grandfather’s cousin, that it was because he kept drinking tap water. There’s pollution, in the water, soil, air, when I lived in the Philippines to study work much of the urban poor living in the slums kept making make-shift wells and tapping into the water lines, not realizing that wells need much needed pre-treatment and that the soil also needs extensive venting of Volatile Organic Compounds and that water reclamation project perhaps won’t be completed til 2040 unless we get a greater effort from our Filipinos living and working abroad…who are learning more advanced methods like nano technology and membrane technology for purification of water, soil and air, as well sensing. We have to deal with containing contamination of our air through policy, a memoranda from the environmental management services agency that stipulates the guidelines concerning carcinogens, all carcinogens. From Cigarrettes to Pesticides like that for vegetation and Asbestos. If we regulate and take out the carcinogens through policy, like the EPA does in the US, we’ll have a beginning of a good set of standards.  There’s a difference between mass casualties in one fail swoop. And an ongoing slow death. I am not convinced one would rather die a excruciating slow death where all your generations are about to be extinguished by one cause. No one person, can do this alone. Not one person, focusing on one particular module or field ..it will entail an effort involving the people of the world to find a cure --- a cure to everything. And  Since the day I was young, I was mentored to be a strong writer, I didn’t know it was so important,  but after studying, working and training, for a lifetime, and at various points travelling back and forth home, I realized, we didn’t have enough books, not enough authors, not enough intellectuals,  I know we had to scour for books, I know we didn’t have enough major libraries, or maor bookstores yet, that we, all too often were relying on recycled ones. And they were aging. There are not enough good quality books, or libraries, or book stores.  We have schools but we had to scour for this, scour for the plethora of books we need. We have a budget for free education, we can give all the money we need to to the military and police, if we don’t give the means, through which enables us to find discovery-- We can trade with  partnering countries, varying anything from infrastructural expertise to agriculture and educational partnerships to limiting rice imports, to making arms deals, to recripocral business dealings so that our retail industry leaders can compete with our Asean neighbors, and if we stop dealing with certain countries for things like rice, but don’t pay our farmers, engineers, scientists, teachers, writers, and all other trades well enough, If we don’t pay our teachers but a measely pittance, there will be a brain drain. And there must be a collabotive effort and a global movement ,knowing about 13 percent of the land of the world is arable, and about 15 percent of the worlds waters are potable, that if there’s investment from budget in education, and we know that there’s not enough public libraries out there especially when we need them for advanced studies. At some point, we look at ourselves and we   compare  --to China, To Japan, to Malaysia,  to the US, and if we’re talking about making revolutionary discoveries in every field, we can either keep at a static pace, our learn at a thoroughly advanced pace,learn broadly.  If we demand our politicians to solve the traffic problems yet without also demanding the focus to be the pollution and health crises --not paying detailed attention to its correlation to  our rising cancer deaths, and as it relates to dioxins and hemotoxins destroying our red blood cells, and affecting our lungs... my grandmother died of lung disease.  As much as it is a development management issue, is also a case where we’re in in the need for writers, technical writers, scientists and chemical engineers, and environmental scientists and other fields, theorists and policy managers, who need to be involved into the equation to solve the health crisis that should be treated like a Plague, like an epidemic, considering these deaths, were all born out of the effects of carcigens and cancer causing pollution .  Our water remediation and reclamation project must be done with more fury. There are nations whose sole purpose is to vest all their energies and funds into their defence in nuclear technology and weapons,  More money should be invested into such technology as membrane and nano-technology toward desalination, air and water and soil purification which could yield results in many ways and and in various forms and fields, especially medical  and health, we also would be addressing the harmful effects of carcinogens --whether they from pesticides in vegetation, asbestos, cigerettes, the volatile compounds in the grounds or those that come into our water, that inevitably settles out into the water systems and if we are unable to sense and treat them before they foul our waters and soil, and bodies, we need to stop them before it mutates into an epidemic ...as if it hasnt already.   God knows there are so many harmful things that we can’t detect because we just haven’t invested enough in the sensors. The causes of these things stemming form pollution must be treated as an epidemic. Over time, they destroyed, so many people’s lives, so many families, it doesn’t matter, if it’s all at once, or a slow death. In the end,   we’re always reminded more of our duties to create and discover, yield a return, even amid rising storms. To save our humanity.