#this body is a prison i need to die like my otp

[orangechickenpillow]

Viktor rubbed Jayce's arm. In their last moment alive he rubbed Jayce's arm. Viktor rubbed Jayce’s arm. He rubbed his arm to comfort him. Viktor never really reciprocated Jayce phsycial affection but in the very end he rubbed his arm

[loopylostandfound]

simon blackquill for ask game >:3

oh I am so unprepared uh *drops notes all over the place* hahaha I'm so normal abt him WHEEEEE let's go uhhhhh

- how I feel abt this character

feral. im climbing him like a tree and gnawing on his shoulders like a rabid beaver. can beavers be rabid? who cares I am one now. im shaking him in my mouth like a dog with a chew toy. im tucking him gently into bed with a kiss on the forehead. im forcing him to go to therapy. we're adopting a cat together next week.

- all the people I ship romantically with this character

me nahyuta, apollo, klavier, uendo

- my non-romantic otp for this character

athena! i love their ride-or-die friendship and they would definitely bully each other into taking care of themselves. fun hc I have for them is they can benchpress each other and they do it at the gym to intimidate people

- my unpopular opinion about this character

not sure I have one hdjskdjfjf most of my opinions abt him seem to be shared by plenty of ppl but hmm...okay yeah I've thought for several minutes and can't think of anything lol sorry hfjdjdj

- one thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon

he and maya should meet. they could be unstoppable

- my otp

blackmadhi hdjkwkdkfkf altho justquill is a CLOSE second i never expected to get so feral abt them but holy shit. lol. but i was into blackmadhi before I even met either of them somehow so I think its safe to say the brainrot is more powerful there hdjekwkfjf. also I just love the parallels in their stories and I think that (after hatefucking in a janitors closet for a few weeks) they could get along really well. and everyone would hate them so much <3

- my crossover ship

I don't rlly do crossovers much so I have nothing for this one sadly 😭

- a headcanon fact

i will give several.

he has an extensive collection of bandannas for taka in different colors and patterns and one of these has miku on it because simon likes miku and athena got it for him. his build before his release from prison was actually pretty wiry and lean although muscled, but after he gets out and learns to take care of himself he fills out more and has a softer body though still fully able to pick people up and throw them through walls. see above hc about the gym. he's actually really good with kids bc he just treats them like mini adults and doesn't baby talk to them so they like him a lot. he has some sort of Gender Feeling but he doesn't feel the need to address it. he's cool w mainly he/him but throwing in a they or a random neopronoun will make him happy too. also he has a big di-[i am forcibly dragged from the stage kicking and screaming]

[nazali]

Hannibal

my favourite female character: chiyoh!!!! my beautiful gorgeous girl who had both the ability and the audacity to shove will graham off of a moving train my favourite male character: will graham, again i will get into this further down three other favourite characters: hannibal lecter (unfortunately he is both funny and fascinating), reba mcclane (she is so good!! so good! she deserves better than all these morally bankrupt men), molly foster-graham (i would not shut up about her if i let myself ramble she is so kind and such a good mom and wife and she Also deserves so much better than these men. i love will to death but FUCK him fr leave molly alone. she was so cool in the scene with dolarhyde she did not need strength and superintelligence to get away from him she used everyday shit that anyone could do and it WORKED) my least favourite character: incidentally francis dolarhyde, when i first watched hannibal i was still very squicked out by nudity and seeing this fuckin guy grunting and flexing his nakedass body every five mins on my screen was A TEST OF MY RESILIENCE that i never got over my otp: hannibal/will. do people ever answer anything else for hannibal. they were my ride or die for what like 4-5 years?? i am devastated that i lost all my ao3 bookmarks for them because when i tell you i read THOUSANDS of hannigram fics. these two going canon was absolutely mind-blowing to me like i could not believe they had the balls to actually go there in this show that at the time was popular enough to be all over tumblr all the time i genuinely can't think of much i'd change about their relationship aside from Maybe being a little more overt at the end, but bryan fuller knows better than i do my notp: i was gonna say will/alana or hannibal/alana because i wasn't vibing with those storylines but then i remember people out there ship abigail with hannibal or will and that feels SO father/daughter to me that it makes me feel Discosting the character i'm most like: will graham. i will not get into the Nitty Gritty about my mental health here because that feels lowkey embarrassing to me but when i got into hannibal i was also struggling with things that had me experiencing chunks of lost time, dissociation, hallucinations, etc. this was partly a downside because hannibal-related hallucinations started to worm their way into my catalog of Shit To See BUT it was also the first time i'd ever connected with a character to the level of feeling almost like i was seeing my own brain broadcasted back to me on a screen, especially with my autism and avpd coming with hyperempathy, social avoidance, struggles with eye contact, etc. i was also, like, 16 at the time, so i hadn't yet learned how to deal with intrusive thoughts and was labouring under the illusion that i was Secretly Evil as a result of them, so will's struggle with his impulses & nature vs. him wanting so badly to be a good person were very relatable to me back then too favourite episode/season: this is cheating but specifically the latter halves of seasons 2 & 3. i'm not so big on the first halves bc they're mostly dealing with will in prison & hannibal/bedelia in italy which aren't the most interesting plotlines to me, but 2b (when will is trying to seduce hannibal & has everything with freddie lounds' 'death' and randall tier) & 3b (where hannibal is locked up and it's working its way to will getting him out) are MWAH chef's kiss to me. favourite episode specifically is the wrath of the lamb because how could it not be saddest character death: beverly katz :( i'm still sore about that every time most attractive character: chiyoh & reba from the women, rrrrghghgh probably will from the men but Specifically that fit he was rockin in the chiyoh episodes with the long black coat and popped collar and gloves that was so evil pirate looking

send me a fandom !

[birdmitosis]

Hello hello I can see all of these but I would also like to propaganda Cold and Paranoid, which somehow became my OTP for this game for real!

They are very different (Cold "doesn't feel" but Paranoid has never not felt anything in his life) but also surprisingly similar; IMO Cold is just as group-oriented as some of the others, it's just not as easy to immediately notice but he keeps trying to advise the others on how not to feel (and therefore not be hurt). (I also feel like Cold definitely either wants to feel on some level or feels more than he lets on/maybe even recognizes...) They can both get oddly intense. Their routes are connected on the Stranger staircase, and both Spectre and Nightmare lead into Wraith (potentially) with each other, which fascinates me. That "do we need to explain to you why pain is bad?" "you need to explain to yourself why it isn't" exchange in Wraith lives in my head rent-free for some reason.

I like that in Nightmare Paranoid pulls hard for slaying the Princess and that's how you get Cold; I admit I also enjoy the "oh, you could do better than us" line when you're stuck in the void. And I also find it interesting that you get Cold when you're stuck in a void and slay yourself to get out of it (well, okay, you can get him by starving to death in the Nightmare's basement, but roll with me here) and Paranoid argues for doing so despite his, well, paranoia and fear of death (straight-up "I don't want to die again"!). I like that Cold is implied to work with the others to help Paranoid with his plan if you do choose to fling yourself along with Wraith into the bottomless pit.

Overall, though, those are just a lot of little details I enjoy. What I think really gets me about them is a mix of the intensity and their... surprising elements. I think Paranoid would notice a lot about the others because Paying Attention To Things and might see interesting depths to Cold and prod at them because understanding feels safer. And I think Cold might notice and maybe be interested in how much grit Paranoid actually has compared to the first impressions he gives off -- not to mention his self-awareness and capacity for growth/change (I am in love with that "sorry, I had a bit of a panic response and it wasn't helpful" line in the Razor route...). I feel like the minute they catch each others' attention there's real potential for a strong dynamic.

(I also love Contrarian and Hero -- secondary OTP! -- specifically after Contrarian's character development, either via the Stranger version of the ending or some other way... I can imagine him getting there eventually anyway, since if you go Wounded Wild with him he seems to be shaken too -- just not as much/as deeply. After he's matured some Hero seems to be legitimately fond/impressed. I love that.)

Other fun potential dynamics you didn't name that I would like to submit for your consideration (under a cut bcs there's like nine of them):

Broken/Hunted. The idea basically: With them in different bodies Hunted tends to want to care for the others as flock and also quickly starts parsing Broken as sick/injured in a way; Hunted ends up being affectionate and taking care of Broken a lot and Broken enjoys someone actually caring about him and being nice to him. Broken might also encourage Hunted to rest and try to worry less, in his way.

Cheated/Hero. I just really love their dynamic in the Razor route, where they're mostly in agreement (besides Cheated obviously finding Hero gullible in Chapter II, but being pretty patient with that!) and I really like how Hero agrees with and encourages Cheated's whole thing trying to stack the voices. I feel like Cheated is one of the voices Hero has the strongest positive interpersonal dynamic with.

Cheated/Skeptic. Their similarities are pretty low-key but also surprisingly strong? They both tend towards parsing the not-entirely-malicious Princesses as victims of the situation and being on their side (Skeptic obviously with Prisoner but also Cheated with Witch/Thorn and Wounded Wild), and they like to explore situations and figure out the correct answer to puzzles (especially unfair ones), and also don't have any trust in the Narrator or patience for his shit.

Cold/Contrarian. I've said it before and I'll say it again, they actually have a surprising amount in common for acting in such different ways! They are both actually very impulsive, both hate boredom immensely, and both prod at the others (Cold is more subtle with it but it's definitely there!) and also immediately set themselves hardcore against the Narrator. I feel like they'd egg each other on into some wild shit just for kicks.

Cold/Skeptic. I don't have quite as much to say about them but their dynamic especially in the beginning of the Drowned Grey route is... well, it's VERY different from Cold/Smitten in the Burned Grey route but still very compelling to me! When they meet they seem to both immediately be like 🤝 don't get too caught up in emotion it'll be way more useful to approach this scientifically! (ETA: Also something something something their two routes are the only two where the Narrator tries to shove you into the Good Ending and you Nope out--)

Contrarian/Opportunist. I just feel like Contrarian would find Opportunist entertaining and Opportunist would appreciate being valued even if it's in kind of a... backhanded way, and would play along with Contrarian's shit at least some of the time which would entertain Contrarian further. Contrarian might also push Opportunist's buttons for fun and to try to see more Real Things from him.

Hunted/Opportunist. Someone else brought this ship onto my radar and I got really !! about it the moment I considered it! They're sort of parallels/opposites (and kinda presented as such on the Stranger's stairs), their routes are similar (cat girl that can lead into the Wild), and I really like that they're both focused primarily on survival above all else -- above other things they really want, like rest or being liked -- it's just that Hunted is survival against threats in physical ways (highly alert senses, instincts, quick movements) and Opportunist is survival against threats in more social ways (figure out how to be, if not the one on top, then important to the one on top!). I feel like once they Get each other they could click.

Hunted/Stubborn. You can get them in four separate routes together, which is like twice as many as any other voice combo. I just really like how that could imply they work really well together/click very easily. They also balance each others' weak points out but I feel could appreciate what the other brings to the table; I especially see this in Eye of the Needle if you lure her outside to fight, but I also love Stubborn being kind to Hunted in his way at the beginning of the Den's chapter (talking against bullies and assuring Hunted that they don't actually know how big she is).

Opportunist/Smitten. I submit this mostly because Opportunist is really similar to Witch imo, albeit not identical, and obviously Smitten is (one way) how you get Witch to Thorn. I also love how easily Smitten accepts and wholeheartedly welcomes Opportunist back on-side once you free Thorn.

Which voices do you ship with eachother? I mean, I've already seen Opportunist/Skeptic (which I haven't seen much of in the fandom and I really like your take on them btw ^^) and Smitten/Cold come by, but are there other pairings or dynamics you haven't got to draw yet, but would like to?

Haven’t been too big on the Voice shipping scene aside from jokes but sure, fuck it, let them by gay.

The Opportunist Skeptic comic was meant to be interpreted however people liked, but I think Skeptic’s inquisitive nature and somewhat reassuring presence by sounding like he knows what he’s doing, and Opportunist’s need for validation and to be wanted go pretty well together.

Contrarian and Hero sound fun, because of the Stranger route it’s almost like they know each other the best, except Contrarian is still a little shit, but Hero has a relatively high tolerance given what he puts up with, so they’d have fun banter probably.

I think Cheated with anyone would be funny, particularly Stubborn, they’re like drinking friends that had a little side thing that went a little two far and now they hold hands and they both love hate it.

Smitten and Cold is like a crack ship to me, if you lot are more invested in it y’all can try to change my mind on that one, it’s not like I’m deep set on that opinion.

Paranoid’s a really fun character, I guess he’d get along well with Hunted, they’re both so afraid of everything, might as well be afraid together. Or get kidnapped in winter, that works too I suppose.

Hero and Paranoid too btw, their dialogue when you choose to go upstairs with the Nightmare is fantastic, their tense yet silly quarrel and back and forth with the Narrator was amazing and part of it was even one of the first things I drew for stp. Them arguing was also my first impression of the game, so yeah, they can be gay too.

Idk what else at the moment, these are just the thoughts I had at the moment. I try to go in depth with my responses because if I like to read that kind of ramble shit, I know others might too.

[necronatural]

Or tobirama 👀?

favorite thing about them

theres something WRONGGGG with him the way he approaches things "pragmatically" but all the things he considers pragmatic are like. deranged. from sitting the uchiha next to the prison to stealing madara's body. this man are sick

this extends to the fic too he is just believing the most bizarre shit completely earnestly. endearing

least favorite thing about them i think canonically he has the madara problem of being alive for too long made him less defined as a character. people write snow leopard tortured soul broken ankle in crystal cave tobirama because of that sacrifice. let him die in silence so the only thing we had to go on is that he seemed to genuinely believe all the things he did was normal. he gets plenty of stuff to say when he comes back from the dead you didn't need his heroic sacrifice to make him more ambiguous kishimoto what if he were just weird

favorite line i'm going to start cutting this one out because i dont remember lines from characters.

brOTP izuna :) ...❤️

there is something about 2 characters who are each other's parallels both in battle and in brotherly relationships mirrored so well they find understanding in each other... if you didn't ship them you would get it

OTP i dont ship tobirama as like an active thing where i seek out him in a relationship. sorry to say. aro king

nOTP tobiizu ??? idk. i like going over to tobiizu's house for food but i literally could never bear to read an actual narrative containing their romance i just block every fic i see with them...

random headcanon hmm...i think the Tobirama Tulpa sits on a timeline where he used to be really robotic and stiff and "emotionless" as a teenager and """warmed up""" (got cuntier) as he grew older. i think its cute at his peak he is so grumpy but good-humored. minato gets an endeared king you're so silly while naruto gets a Put Respect On My Name. Now

unpopular opinion i post my unpopular opinions every damn day.

here's one: i don't think tobirama's "inhumanity" is something he's particularly conscious of and i don't think he feels badly about himself. personally i interpret his wariness of hashirama in canon as like...he Knows hashirama's little speech about even being able to take out his brother if it's for peace and harmony and is like am i in opposition to peace and harmony? what about now? am I an obstacle right now?

i feel like i just cant gel with tobirama being a tortured soul. like his soul is extremely tortured but i dont think he is the kind of character you feel so sad for. except for us thats the luxury of creating a sort of Teen Tobirama Meta, is that whenever he has big emotional moments hes having them as a teenager trying to define himself and that makes me cry so much

song i associate with them Human Enough is probably the first song SimK ever linked me about these characters...always have a soft spot for it

https://open.spotify.com/track/7LCJi9RN1LZXrZEmL8BMrH?si=fb58ced8130d4aab favorite picture of them

moe.

[dangermousie]

Just finished Exodus from Genesis aka start of my ship!

I love that it is yet again, Crichton’s plan, or more importantly, Crichton’s ability to think outside the box, that saves the day. In a way, his unorthodoxness is helped by the fact that he is an outsider, no preconceived notions. We open the episode with his being frustrated by the fact (as he puts it to Zhaan) that with Aeryn and D’Argo everything is a test, he has to prove his worth every second and I love that he frustratingly asks Zhaan how he can do that, short of cutting off someone’s head. But by the end, in a way, he’s achieved the goal in incremental steps. This episode (an episode of so many firsts, about which more below) is the first moment where D’Argo and John bond (they will later develop into one of my favorite on-screen friendships, but this time is far far from now). It’s a little, brief, ‘glance at each other and chuckle together’ bit, and how Farscapian that this bonding comes as a result of D’Argo chucking a protesting Rygel into a vent hole to explore what is wrong with the ship.

Of course a bigger, and more significant first, is the bond John develops with Aeryn. I get the sense that from the very first, Aeryn is special for John. It’s attraction and something indefinable and all sort of other things, but also in a way, it has to do with how she looks: she looks human. Even though objectively John knows she isn’t, she is the one bit of familiar in this crazy place.  

And also, John is an immensely protective guy (side note - I love how he can be protective without being macho or superior. Just genuine concern. And it comes through with so many: with Chiana, with various beings they meet on the way, even with Jool. Though by season four this is largely gone. It’s ‘us against the world’ mentality, which is justifiable but sad). And in a way, ridiculous as it may seem in light of the fact that Aeryn can break his arm seven times without pausing for breath, Aeryn needs to be taken care of a lot more than anyone else on this ship. She is the one being on it who is almost as lost and marooned as he is. Zhaan, Rygel, D’Argo, they are escaped prisoners, true. But they have lives if they get back home, into their society. Aeryn has been exiled forever from the only life she knows. John, who is literally lost in the Universe, can sympathize. And of course, Aeryn is the one who tried, however clumsily (she is not used to dealing or receiving kindness, not yet) to save his life.

So we have that hilarious chemistry laden conversation between John and Aeryn in the beginning where she tells him “No offense, human, but what can I possibly need from you?” and I love how John mutters under his breath ‘Oh, I don’t know. Manners, personality, stock tips?’

But, but, but, but.

This whole episode is about how she does need John. It’s interesting that if John is drawn to Aeryn, so is she drawn to him. It’s automatic: when she is suffering heat delirium, it’s John she turns to for help, it’s John she asks to kill her. Which, for Aeryn, is a demonstration of trust: this demonstration of weakness, this hated reliance on another. She doesn’t turn to D’Argo (who is, like her, a warrior, so on some level, more compatible for that sort of thing). Perhaps it’s because in John’s eyes she is new and clean. D’Argo and Zhaan and Rygel and even Pilot? They all hate her, more or less, as a Peacekeeper, a symbol of the oppression and pain. John sees her as a person.

And of course, even this early on, I love how the show shows (brrrr, tautology) that Aeryn is special to John. This is the first time we’ve seen him really lose his temper, snap at D’Argo that he (D) wants Aeryn to die etc. He is losing his cool. And I love the scene where Aeryn is lying on the cot, and she is asking John to promise to kill her if it gets worse and he cannot and just the way he looks at her, this all-enveloping, amazing way, and he tells her that they will fix it…I am sorry. I am a puddle of goo on the floor.

The little thing especially that kills me is when he very gently, very tentatively, reaches a hand to stroke her face. It’s a very light, brief caress, and it’s not even sexual or romantic. It’s just caring and loving and guuuuuuh…

But of course, John can never kill her. Ever. Even if the Universe were to die, John would pick that over having Aeryn die (I am reminded of the brilliant scene in S4 CoD, one of the show’s darkest, where John literally sells his soul for a mere possibility of getting Aeryn back). He is not yet at that stage of utter obsessive, co-dependant, consuming love, or anywhere near it (this show is the only one that ever sold me on the protagonist literally being unable to function without his OTP. Mainly because by the end he is in pieces and Aeryn is the only glue holding him together. Of course, this is also true of Aeryn by the end), but even then, at this early ep…he cannot (at this stage, he has never killed anyway and I don’t think he can, with anyone).

I love that he does order the heat cranked up, temporarily, though it’s risky to Aeryn, in order to defeat the Marauder commandos. That’s John and Aeryn. Picking the best of horrible choices.

You know how I mentioned firsts? There is also a first of Pilot and Aeryn rapport. They work well together and have an innate understanding on some level. I love Pilot commenting quizzically that it’s odd to be near a PK and not fear one. And he cradles her in his claw when she faints and it’s somehow a very gentle gesture.

And there is another first. John, unarmed, facing someone with a nasty weapon to his throat, and managing to get his way through sheer bluffing conviction. He is nowhere near the edge of insanity yet, but the way he faces the Commando with the knife, the possibility of that edge is there. The deadly intensity, the all-consuming concentration. There is something dark and unbending in John that hasn’t been brought out yet. But oh poor boy, it will, it will.

I also find it interesting that this Crichton gives the Commandos a choice. Leave or die. I get the sense later Crichton wouldn’t think twice of not offering a choice. He hates the body count even by the end, but oh boy, he is capable of it.

Oh, and then we get that amazing final scene on the terrace with Aeryn and John. With the smile and her telling him that she always thought before lesser species were only to be controlled etc etc and he starts replying and pauses and smiles and it hits him and he asks her ‘You are not talking about the [hive]?’ And continues that on behalf of lesser species, he accepts the compliment. I just love how he is smiling at this and amused and not annoyed or offended or anything. And I love that when she asks him if he could have killed her, he doesn’t answer. And they just stand on the terrace, side by side, not touching, and look out and he tells her there are worse ways to end the day.

(I love that when he finds out she means him as a lesser life form, he’s not angry but wryly, self-deprecatingly amused. He really doesn’t have much of an ego, and that never changes.)

I really think in so many ways, this is a turning point for Aeryn. Not because of John’s promise, or John’s utter dependability or even his problem solving. He is tender and however much she might dislike the idea of it due to PK training, a part of her is really drawn to it, especially when she realizes as time goes on, that one can be tender and yet not weak.

P.S. I like the short little convo about arbitrariness of life John has with Zhaan. Oh yeah, he is beginning to learn it for himself and soon will learn much more. I am also fascinated by Zhaan who is calm and priestly yet with a strong overlay of crazy. She might talk about reverence to life blah blah, but she is the one who in a later S1 ep hacks off Pilot’s arm and doesn’t apologize. She is also the only real criminal there…

[anteaterisland]

lxc!

Oh excellent. My son, my boy, the other king of my heart. 

How I feel about this character: He lives rent-free in my head. The reason he lives rent-free, is because a-Yao lives in my heart and he’s the landlord and Xichen pays rent in sexual favors. This is what they meant when they said: my body is a battleground.

 When i finished the show for the first time I texted my best friend: 

I’ve figured out my favorite. Lan Xichen. I love all the Lans because I relate to their emotional repression and floating around in ghostly white silks, but if i had to pick, lan zhan and lan sizhui are too happy to top the list for my personal favorite. Lan Xichen is brimming with the most desolation, and therefore wins the title. When he evaporated the alcohol he won my heart. The layers of fucking humor in that kill me. (it took a few days to come to terms, as well as reading the book, before I admitted to myself that meng yao was my favorite. Lan Xichen’s a close second though.) 

All the people I ship romantically with this character: uh heheheheh, yeah. Xiyao. Xiyao alone. It makes my brain go brrrrrrrrrr. 

Like: oh boy, right after he’s stabbed in the chest, jgy is understandably miffed about it, and he’s like: I can’t believe you’ve done this, you’re the same as Mingjue after all, you put a sword in me just like he was always trying too, and I never thought you were going to do that ON ACCOUNT OF HOW Every Time Mingjue pulled a sword on me, you pulled yours to defend me, what the fuck, er-ge?

And Xichen’s like, trembling and bloody and teary and is like: I TOLD YOU NOT TO FUCKING MOVE, or I would have no choice but to stab you!!!!!! 

A-Yao: you don’t even know if I moved or not, but if you trusted me more than Huaisang you’d know I didn’t fucking move. you hypocrite

And then he’s like, well im giving you a last chance to atone yourself for me, die with me, its the least you could do. There’s something so genuinely fucked up about his arbitration of the lives that exist around him and whether they will continue or not, but critically, he commands Xichen’s death because Xichen just KILLED HIM. 

And when Xichen agrees, he’s pushed away. Mingjue died in large part because he attempted to kill jgy, and despite Xichen actually succeeding, he doesn’t die, because he was sorry about it.

 He’s so hollow after that, like, it’s legitimately crazy they have an audience for that, it’s crazy that that’s the climax of the whole fifty episode show, i don’t know how anyone can watch the untamed and not come away with a xiyao obsession. 

My non-romantic otp for this character: Lan Xichen/Devestated Seclusion. Sorry if you were hoping for a happier answer but without a-Yao, I think he’s ruined. His whole character hinges on their mutual entanglement. And as a writer, his devastation compels me. Certain events in my personal life put in the mood for writing about grief. I have a seclusion series in the works I may post soon, after gold lotus is done. 

My unpopular opinion for this character: yeah, i don’t have just one of these, but they run along a theme. 

Firstly: I can’t stand Xic//heng. Again, sorry. But I really think they wouldn’t get along at all. Not when Meng Yao is alive, and certainly not after he’s dead. People really think he just happened to be friends with a-Yao like that man wasn’t his whole life’s obsession. Like repression doesn’t make people crazy he just happens to be mild-mannered. 

Secondly: Xichen is not like, a perfect moral paragon who was horribly deceived by that snake jgy’s persona. All those times he was like: I am aware a-Yao murdered people, and I think it was fine because he had a reason and it was a good idea actually. It just doesn’t register for people. He’s always closing his eyes because he ignores the things about the world he doesn’t want to see until he can’t anymore. 

Thirdly: He’s fascinating to think about, not least because there’s nothing in the text that outright removes the possibility for the alternate reading of a Lan Xichen complicit in JGY’s crimes. Obviously, i’m not saying that’s what actually happened, but it’s a compelling exercise. Like, you know what i will never, EVER be over? Wuji sneaking up on guanyin temple at night, peeking over the walls, seeing all the jin soldiers and bein: something’s fucky, and then seeing then all bow as Zewu-jun walks stately through them, sword in hand, not looking remotely like a hostage and then looking at each other going: SOMETHING’S FUCKED! So much fun. That’s also a fic in the works, if i ever manage to finish gold lotus

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: When you think about it, we never got a single scene where Lan Xichen and Meng Yao were alone in a room together. Never once. Always they were constrained in public. And they were so melty with each other, they talked and touched so gently. When they meet, people watching, say goodbye the first time, people watching, never see them hiding in the brothel, mingjue there in qishan, giant doors open with a bunch of death row prisoners, banquet, phoenix mountain crowd hunt, banquet, 100 days invite family discussion, nightless city toast, greeting before banquet, banquet, music lesson, staircase, treasure vault, break-up, temple. Never once alone. 

Oh fucking hell. Listen, being able to rattle off every xiyao scene from the top of my head is a skill im glad to have, but i didn’t like, need to know i had it, you know? 

Anyway. They’re literally never fucking alone with each other and i’d like to see it. They’re both so repressed and polite and they love each other so much, it’s basically all i can think about, how they must have been each other’s sanctuary when they were able to be alone. 

Someone ask me to do Mingjue i’m on a roll

[taketheringtolohac]

simon for the ask game!

jshkajhja god victor i love him so much thank u for sending me this ok here we go (sidenote i know theres ppl who follow me who havent finished dd so if you dont want to get spoiled dont read this!! i talk about a LOT of spoilers!)

send me a character ask and i’ll answer!

favorite thing about them ok so heres the thing. i know that there is a lot to be said about him and just the way that he does like genuienly care for people even if he has a funny way of showing it but honestly? honestly? i LOVE a funny king. like his own brand of humor is just so good and when he laughs (at his own jokes, like a real Uncle Figure) he laughs with his WHOLE BODY which. yes king go get em. also hes sexy <3 not in a rat kinda way but he LOOKS like he should be just, outwardly, but simon blackquill himself is just a HOT MAN. yes im a lesbian and what about it.

least favorite thing about them this isnt about him but you know when aa fandom makes him a weeb? bad. stop calling urself/other ppl weebs in 2021 especially if u arent using the term critically/as a way to talk about ppl who fetishize Japanese culture tho most ppl who call themselves weebs dont realize theyre doing this anyways which. ok this isnt the post for this im just (rightfully) Mad

favorite line its not exactly a LINE, per say, bc i dont remember a lot of them, but remember when he shakes athena in SOJ and its like that kermit strangling meme? top 10 ace attorney moments EASILY

brOTP LITERALLY ATHENA AND SIMON BROTP LIVES IN MY BRAIN AT ALL TIMES LIKE theres so much healing that they both have to do from the 7/8 years since the incident and focusing on literally just that one incident and how to fix it (or in his case how to just like. live with it in a lot of ways) and they do some of it together but some of it they very much do NOT do together and i think like the setting boundaries that they do is just. its good. also i love the idea that he lived with her for a while after he was released like. just from a general perspective i love them sort of being a patchwork family but also just imagine being 18 and living on your own then suddenly you invite your 33 year old uncle to live with you who’s been in prison for the past 8 years. he doesnt rlly know how the world works from a cultural perspective and you dont know what its like from a “how do i use a can opener” perspective. together you’re a functioning adult.

OTP honestly i see him as very gay man in his 30s bachelor just living his post prison life and figuring stuff out but i’d be lying to myself if i said i didn’t read nahyuta/simon fics that shit is cute as FUCK and also ppl do a really good job of writing them like??? its about the understanding whats its like to go through an incredibly fucked up situation and not feeling the need to EXPLAIN yourself but to just understand that its beyond your control sometimes and gently helping them through without being making it about you because YOU wouldnt want that and. yeah.

nOTP if you ship simon with the phantom i’m knives out IMMEDIATELY i understand the want for angst but it makes me uncomfy and man has already been through enough please. also You Know What Else. i will not say it but it should be self explanatory.

random headcanon him and aura were REALLY close pre UR-1 incident. like i think they had a lot of issues but i think its just because they probably had to raise themselves in a lot of ways and pretty much really only looked out for each other for awhile. i like to think that he visited the space center a lot bc he was visiting her and thats how he got to meet metis and he was like huh maybe i could use this physcological stuff in court hmm and like thats how he became her student but i ALSO think that aura is just. SO mad at him for what he did about UR-1 and how he handled it because now SHE has to be alone and its not fair to him and she knows its not but she can’t help herself. Not just that but Simon hates seeing her lose it a little every time she visits him (which is often, he doesn’t get many visitors and even if he did he’d ALWAYS take her visits bc he misses her even if they don’t see eye to eye they’re all they’ve GOT) and just. seeing her become more cold and somehow thinking maybe its his fault and her not knowing if she does think its his in some ways but them still loving each other even if they have funny ways of showing it just UGH!!!

unpopular opinion he doesnt talk all posh why do ppl do that he’s literally a funny garbage man who like kinda hates himself a bit. also yes he’s emo but i think he would absolutely ROCK a printed neon button up with like. really loud socks specifically stupid steel samurai/anime socks. ik i said dont call him a weeb but theres a difference between liking anime/samurai/japanese culture and being weird about it. also he’s Japanese die mad about it

song i associate with them god i dont know i dont really listen to music but i GUESS i will say Mike Townsend (Knows What He’s Gotta Do) by the Garages because they’re very similar “i’m gonna do what I think is right to protect/save this other person and these people I care about even if the consequences are extremely detrimental to me”

favorite picture of them i will not say the simon shaking sprite again but you know that funky one with the bird? the one where he’s got taka just. perched on his arm. perfect photo i use it for everything <3

[aproblematicpanda]

Harry Potter? For the in-depth fandom ask

Hi thank you! ♥ I will use the books for my answers, since I didn’t really like most of the movies. I apologize if I mix up some of the characters, I’ve only read the books in my native language so I will have to google for some of the names in English. :’D

Top 5 favorite characters: Minerva McGonagall, Luna Lovegood, Fred & George Weasley, Neville Longbottom, Ginny Weasley. Other characters you like: The golden trio obviously, Molly, Dobby, Draco Malfoy, ... There are not a lot of characters I dislike. Least favourite characters: Umbridge, for obvious reasons. Otps: Hermione and Ron. Notps: I don’t think I have any? I’m not very invested in shipping when it comes to the HP fandom, I pretty much keep an open mind to everything? Except incest but I’ve never seen anyone ship anything like that, so. Favourite friendships: Harry, Ron and Hermione, obviously, and I also really liked Fren, George and Lee, and Lavender and Parvati. Favourite family: The Weasleys Favourite episodes: / Favourite book:  Prisoner of Azkaban is probably my favorite book. Favourite quotes:  "If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals." "I solemnly swear I am up to no good." "But you know, happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light." "Harry witnessed Professor McGonagall walking right past Peeves who was determinedly loosening a crystal chandelier and could have sworn he heard her tell the poltergeist out of the corner of her mouth, 'It unscrews the other way.’" "There is no need to call me ‘sir,’ Professor." And probably more. The books have so many amazing scenes, funny, inspirational, sad, hopeful, ... It was really hard to pick just a few. Best musical moment: / Moment that made you fangirl the hardest: Ehh... I mean, obviously I was rooting for Harry and the ending was a satisfying one, just like every other time Harry beat Voldemort, but the moment that made me fangirl the hardest would probably be Hermione punching Draco in the face. xD When it really disappointed you: The only truly disappointing thing about the book is how House-Elves are treated. Other than that, the only time I’m disappoint is literally every time JK Rowling decides it’s a good idea to open her mouth. Saddest moment: The moment Harry breaks down in Dumbledore’s chambers after Sirius dies gives me chills every. damn. time I reread the book. Most well done character death: Oh god, this is so hard because most of the deaths really hit me hard Favourite guest star: / Favourite cast member: / Character you wish was still alive: Honestly? Probably Hedwig. Maybe Fred. One thing you hope really happens: That JK Rowling’s Twitter account is banned so she doesn’t have a damn platform anymore. Most shocking twist:  When did you start reading: I think the first three books were already out when I started to read them. My classmates kept telling me to do it and I was in that annoying phase where I refused to dive into anything that was this massively popular - but I’m glad I eventually caved because if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have grown up in this fandom and that means I would’ve had an entirely different experience. Now I can still say I grew up with the books and I’m glad I did. Best animal/creature: I’m a gigantic sucker for unicorns and I’m not sorry about it. xD Favourite location: I mean, Hogwarts is amazing, the descriptions of the castle never get old. Trope you wish they would stop using: Ehh... I honestly don’t know? One thing this book does better than others: I love how this show has such an inspired, dedicated, creative fanbase. The amount of HP related art, fanfiction, headcanons, ... out there is mindblowing. I’ve never quite seen that happen in any other fandom and it’s part of why I love this one as much as I do. Like how people can take a character that’s mentioned maybe a couple of times in the books and they create so much content for them to the point where I’ve actively had to stop myself from writing an answer to this questions because the answer isn’t canon, that’s admirable. Funniest moments: Fred and George wrecking havoc on Umbridge and finally leaving the castle after they get caught is without a doubt the funniest scene I can think of. Couple you would like to see: Like I said, I was never really into shipping anyone with anyone. I enjoy quite a lot of fanon ships I see on Tumblr, though. Actor/Actress you want to join the cast: / Favourite outfit: Every outfit I can think of is influenced by the movies so I don’t really have an answer to this. I would’ve loved to see Hermione’s dress to the Yule Ball, though, and the Patil sisters’. Oh, and Fleur’s wedding dress. Favourite item: The Marauder’s map. Do you own anything related to this show: No. What house/team/group/friendship group/family/race etc would you be in: I’m a Slytherin. Most boring plotline: I can’t think of anything. The passage that bores me the most is the one where the Minister of Magic meets the Muggle Prime Minister but that’s not a plotline. I guess everything is just so well thought of, everything that’s in the books in there for a reason and I wouldn’t cut anything out of it. Most laughably bad moment: As much as I dislike JK Rowling, she wrote seven brilliant books. I can’t think of a bad moment. There are plot holes, sure, and things that really fucking bug me, but no laughably bad moments. At least, not any that I can think of right now. The fact that she gave Cho Chang two last names as a name is a bad moment, though - but it’s not laughably. It’s just more proof that JK Rowling is a terrible person. Best flashback/flashfoward if any: The memories Snape shows to Harry, and the ones they both get to see of each other during their Occlumency lessons. Most layered character: I love the character development Ron goes through. Most one dimensional character: Ehh. There were a lot of important characters so it makes sense that not all of them got the layers they deserved. Right now nobody who’s relevant to the plot comes to mind as an answer? Scariest moment: Well, when Harry and Dumbledore came back from finding the fake Horcrux, that had me scared. Not for their lives (because it was obvious that Harry would live and Dumbledore would die) but because it felt like all of Dumbledore’s plans would be ruined so that’d probably be the scariest moment for me? Grossest moment: Ehh... I would probably throw up if I had witnessed Nagini sliding out of Bathilda’s dead body so I’m gonna go with that one, that must’ve been horrifying for Harry, especially because he spares Hermione the details. Best looking male: Well the books name Cedric Diggory as the most attractive one, so... Let’s go with that one then?  Best looking female: Fleur and Ginny Who you’re crushing on (if any): I would probably be all over Ginny if I had gone to Hogwarts. Favourite cast moment: / Favourite transportation: A Thestral! Most beautiful scene (scenery/shot wise): I really love the descriptions of Hogwarts. Unanswered question/continuity issue/plot error that bugs you: Oh god, so. many. Off the top of my head, here we go. 1. The carriages that bring the students back to the train station are mentioned specifically at the end of the fourth book and yet Harry can’t see the Thestrals until the beginning of the fifth book. 2. In what world are the Weasleys poor? Hermione specifically mentions in the seventh book that you can increase the quantity of food and Harry gets more wine for Slughorn and Hagrid with a spell in the sixth book, so no wizard or witch would have to spend any money on food, ever. And like with clothes and books and everything, why buy multiple ones? Just buy one and then duplicate it like when Hermione did it with the medallion? 3. Harry randomly remembering the phone number to get into the Ministry of Magic after almost an entire year, having heard them once: please. I started rereading the fifth book like two months ago for the gazillionth time and I already don’t remember them anymore. 4. Supposedly there’s a curse on the position as the DADA professor ever since Voldemort asked for the job, so there’s a new teacher every year, but Professor Quirrel is introduced in a way that makes it seem as if he has been teaching there for quite a while and other students (like Fred and George) treat him as such - seems to me like the curse was only activated with Harry coming to Hogwarts but that’s not what’s canon. 5. Voldemort conveniently waiting for the end of the school year each year to make his move. 6. The school year somehow always starts on a Monday and the Hogwarts express always leaves on September 1 which would mean that September 1 was a Sunday for seven years in a row. 7. Why, WHY, would they use feathers and parchment? What the hell is wrong with pen and paper? Or things like torches, when electricity has been a thing since forever? And the same goes for using owls to send letters, or the memos that are used in the Ministry of Magic: just text or e-mail, dudes. One sloppy ‘this doesn’t work here because there’s too much magic in the air’ just doesn’t cut it for me, especially because Harry does wear a watch, for instance. I probably have more but this is all I can come up with right now. xD Best promo: My childhood best friend bugging me about the books until I finally caved and started to read them. xD At what point did you fall in love with this show/book: Literally the first chapter.

Send me a show/fandom and I’ll answer

[gcwcns]

ROLEPLAY TAGS: HOZIER EDITION

below the cut you will find 100+ (i lost count) lyrics from hozier’s entire discography that could be used as rp (charrie, otp, etc.) tags. they are arranged by song. if you’re looking for a specific song press ctrl (command if on mac) and f to search it! 

take me to church 

if the heavens ever did speak she's the last true mouthpiece

i'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife

i’m a pagan of the good times my lover’s the sunlight

drain the whole sea get something shiny

there is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin

angel of small death & the codeine scene

shaking the wings of their terrible youths

with her sweetened breath and her tongue so mean

she's the angel of small death and the codeine scene 

it's bloody and raw, but i swear it is sweet

the sweet heat of her breath in my mouth I'm alive

jackie and wilson

so tired trying to see from behind the red in my eyes

no better version of me i could pretend to be tonight

she blows outta nowhere roman candle of the wild

every version of me dead and buried in the yard outside

cut clean from the dream at night let my mind reset

someone new 

electing strange perfections in any stranger i choose.

there's an art to life's distractions,

the dark caress of someone else i guess any thrill will do

my heart's already sinned.

i fall in love just a little bit every day with someone new

to be alone 

never feel too good in crowds

all i’ve ever done is hide 

i feel like a person for a moment of my life

to have someone kiss the skin that crawls from you

it's the god that heroin prays to

from eden 

something tragic about you something so magic about you

honey you're familiar like my mirror years ago

idealism sits in prison chivalry fell on its sword

innocence died screaming honey ask me i should know

i slithered here from eden just to sit outside your door

in a week 

i have never known peace like the damp grass that yields to me

our hunger's appeased our heart beats becoming slow

so long, we'd become the flowers

after the foxes have known our taste

they'd find us in a week when the buzzards get loud

sedated

just a little rush to feel dizzy to derail the mind of me

our veins are busy but my heart's in atrophy

you and I nursing on a poison that never stung

free and young and we can feel none of it

i'm somewhere outside my life babe

work song

there's nothing sweeter than my baby

she'd give me toothaches just from kissing me 

no grave can hold my body down i’ll crawl home to her 

in the low lamp light i was free 

heaven and hell were words to me 

like real people do 

why were you digging what did you bury 

i will not ask and neither should you

honey just put your sweet lips on my lips

we should just kiss like real people do 

i knew that look dear eyes always seeking

it will come back 

i know who i am when I'm alone

you should never know how easy you are to need 

don't let me in with with no intention to keep me

give me mercy no more

don't you hear me howling babe

foreigner’s god 

she moved with shameless wonder perfect creature rarely seen 

her eyes look sharp and steady into the empty parts of me 

always a well dressed fraud

screaming the name of a foreigner's god the purest expression of grief

i've no language left to say it every word i've got is foreign to me 

cherry wine

her eyes and words are so icy 

she burns like rum on a fire

the blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine

her fight and fury is fiery 

and it's worth it all it's divine

in the woods somewhere

i called your name til the fever broke

night so black that the darkness hums

i prayed my mind be good to me  

i spoke no word no sound he made

to save a life i didn't have

run

tare is this love keep it covered

her hungry eyes her ancient soul

a shame without a sin

with as many souls claimed as she

run til you feel your lungs bleeding

arsonist’s lullaby

i learned the voices died with me

all you have is your fire

don't you ever tame your demons but always keep em on a leash

i knew that something would always rule m

but my peace has always depended on all the ashes in my wake

my love will never die 

honey please try to love me

my love will never die

flowers grow where I'm laid to rest

pick a blossom and hold it hold it to your breast

my love bursting loud from inside

nina cried power 

it's not the waking, it's the rising

it's the heaven of a human spirit ringing

i could cry power

power has been cried by those stronger than me

rattle your chains if you love being free

nfwmb 

give your heart and soul to charity

the rest of you the best of you belongs to me

If I was born as a black thorn tree I'd wanna be felled by you 

fuel the pyre of your enemies

ain't it warming you the world goin up in flames

moment’s silence (common tongue) 

relax and catch the manic rhapsody

all of me is a prayer in perfect piety

when the meaning is gone there is clarity

since it all begun to it's reckoning

so summon on the pearl rosary

shrike

the words hung above but never would form

remember me love when i'm reborn 

as the shrike to your sharp and glorious thorn 

all of my goodness is going with you now

grounded and giving and darkening scorn

almost (sweet music)

sweet music playin in the dark

be still my foolish heart don't ruin this on me

let's get lost and let the good times roll

a love supreme seems far removed

reporting russian lullabies

movement

i could never define all that you are to me

shake like the bough of a willow tree

honey you're atlas in his sleeping

in awe of something so flawed and free

when you move i move

no plan

the screaming heaving fuckery of the world

there's no kingdom to come

there will be darkness again

keep my body from the fire hire a gardener for my grave

when I'm lying under marble marvel at flowers you'll have made 

nobody 

i've been fed gold by sweet fools in abu dhabi

i'd be appalled if I saw you ever try to be a saint

if i had the choice between hearing either noise

i once warmed my hands over a burning Maserati

i’ve had no love like your love

to noise making (sing)

your head tilt back your funny mouth to the clouds

was it just the act of making noise that brought you joy

you don't have to sing it right but who could call you wrong

put your emptiness to melody your awful heart to song

who could ask you be unbroken or be brave again

as it was

i'd had life enough my heart is screaming of

whatever here that's left of me is yours

but your love was unmoved

just as it was before the otherness came

nights were as dark as my baby half as beautiful too

talk

i’d be the voice that urged orpheus when her body was found 

i'd be the choiceless hope in grief that drove him underground

imagine being loved by me

i'd be the last shred of truth in the lost myth of true love

that's found in the last witness before the wave hits

be

once atrocity is hoarse from voicing shame

with the same sweet shock of when Adam first came

be the hopeful feeling when eden was lost

when i have no kind words left love for you now

that will grow bold in a barren and desolate land

dinner & diatribes

hell is the talking type

i'd suffer hell if you'd tell me what you'd do to me tonight 

a pillar i am of pride

let there be hotel complaints and grievances raised

that's the kinda love i’ve been dreaming of

would that i 

love in withdrawal was the weeping of me

with the roar of the fire my heart rose to its feet

i fell in love with the fire long ago 

i was fixed on your hand of gold

and it’s not tonight where i’m set alight

sunlight 

betray the moon as acolyte on first and fierce affirming sight

a soul that's born in cold and rain

i would gladly be the Icarus to your certainty

strap the wing to me death trap clad happily

your love is sunlight

wasteland, baby!

all the fear and fire of the end of the world

like the bonfire that burns that all words in the fight fell to

be still my indelible friend you are unbreaking

and that day that we'll watch the death of the sun

the death of all things that are seen and unseen

better love

blind to the purpose of the brute divine

Staring in the blackness at some distant star

you whose heart would sing of anarchy

when our truth is burned from history

like fire weeping from a cedar tree know that my love would burn with me

[babblingblondegenius]

Happy Mancrush Monday

Sorry I missed the last two Mondays, but I’m back with the final installment for season 2 of Mancrush Monday, Olicity Edition, featuring episodes 2x14 to 2x23.  For those who don’t know, these posts are gifs of Oliver with captions that focus on fashion (if he’s wearing anything ;)) and the Olicity moments.  All the thanks in the world to @xspeedytrashx for suggesting my silly posts be a series. :)

The banter and fun (and most of the shirtlessness) of the previous season 2 episodes came to an abrupt halt when the TPTB decided to slow their roll on Olicity.  In order to do that, Olicity scenes were limited because the natural chemistry can’t be denied when they are in close proximity to each other. 

A sparring session leads to everyone talking about the scars they have.  We learn that out of all of Oliver’s scars, none were caused by a grenade and  Felicity’s only scar came from having her wisdom teeth removed.  Oliver is wearing pants in this scene, like we care lol.  

Comfortably chic in his coat and jeans, Oliver’s panties got in a twist when he saw Felicity working out in stretchy, thus skintight, yoga pants and cute top.  

Oliver comes across as brusque and borderline judgmental in this scene.  But if you look closely, the arched eyebrow and the fact he literally couldn’t take his eyes off of her give away that the emotion coursing through him wasn’t anger. ;)

In the Arrow suit, hood down, Oliver was going to stay in the bunker to help but Felicity sassed him right into that awkward and awful Lance family dinner.  TBH, it’s what he deserved.  #sorrynotsorry

Uh-oh he’s got angry face.  Only one person who can help with that and he can find her in his phone without even looking.  We’ll have a better look at his navy peacoat in the next gif.  For now, just admire the chiseled jawline. 

Cloaked in his navy blue peacoat and broodiness, Oliver takes a moment to tell wifey that he plans to face a Mirakuru-enhanced Slade all by himself without any backup.  Obviously, Felicity (like the rest of us) realize that is a dumb idea.

Again on the phone with wifey.  Oliver’s outgoing call history:  Felicity, Felicity, Felicity, Felicity, Felicity, Thea, Felicity, Felicity, Felicity, Felicity, Felicity............ This is the look I prefer to see when Oliver works with the police. Cause dayum.

Oliver’s first instinct is always to protect Felicity.  It’s reflexive and as natural as breathing to him.  He’s looking heroically badass in his leather jacket and jeans as he flips them over the railing (very fortuitous that Felicity wasn’t wearing one of her trademark skirts or dresses -- Slade would have gotten an eyeful) :P

Damn, our OTP looks hawt in their all black, breaking and entering, we’re gonna blow up a building, outfits.  Oliver’s gorgeous face is incredulous when Felicity tells him she didn’t think he would go along with her plan.  As if that boy wouldn’t do anything she asked and he can’t believe she doesn’t know that lol.

Oliver’s spidey (arrow-y?) senses were tingling that bae was in trouble.  It makes me laugh that Oliver came right at the guard, no stealth, no sneaking up on him,  and dude still didn’t see that punch coming.  How fast was Oliver moving for that to happen?  In their matching black leather jackets and gloves, Olicity could’ve blown up the building with their fiery intensity and explosive chemistry.

He may look like a regular (albeit very attractive) human in his business suit but it takes a superhero to stab themselves with a large dose of Lidocaine in their busted knee so they can go about their day.  Felicity, who we know has a fear of needles (all pointy things really), watches in horror and then disgust. Same, girl.

Oliver dressed in a somber black suit and tie to attend his mother’s funeral, but instead went to be alone with his dark thoughts in his other secret lair.  Leave it to our broody boy to have a secondary secret lair.  TBH, it’s actually pretty smart since the primary lair isn’t that secret. :/   But there is nowhere on earth where he could go Felicity can’t find him and there is never a time when she won’t try to encourage him to find another way.  

Our stubborn sacrificial lamb remains set on his suicide mission to stop Slade.  Felicity reluctantly lets go of his hand but she isn’t going to let him go too far.

When encouragement doesn’t work, there’s always a tranq dart. 

Felicity and Diggle save Oliver so he can fight another day and another way.  I know this isn’t technically an Olicity scene but Oliver deciding not to go it alone and who he chooses to have by his side in the end is monumental.  This is one of my all-time favorite lines from the show and my mantra to the Arrow writers.

Things go sideways (literally) and Felicity is injured.  Rather than have the strong and able-bodied member of OTA carry her to safety, Oliver and his busted knee hand his bow to Dig and hoists Felicity into his arms.  I love the aesthetics of this but logically it wasn’t the smartest move.  Here we see Oliver’s decision-making process and internal dialogue lol.  

I’m reaallly nostalgic right now for the old Arrow suit and the mask.  The city is burning but these two are on fire as they walk together in battle.

Even at his lowest points, when he doesn’t believe in himself and he isn’t sure of anything, he hangs on for dear life to every word that Felicity Smoak speaks.  Her words break through the walls of self-doubt and fear to the hero within.

Many fans have stated that they believe Oliver realized he was in love with Felicity when they hugged after her epic ‘you are not done fighting’ speech.  Me personally, I think Oliver was aware of his feelings long before then but did his level best to suppress them, ignore them, beat them down with a stick and self-loathing into the darkness.  But this amazing woman’s kindness, generosity, compassion, wit, and trust brought him and his feelings into the light where he was struggling to hold them back.  

This is such an underrated Olicity scene, imho.  Felicity worries that Blood has set a trap for her boys.  She tells Oliver and Dig she is gonna be really pissed if they don’t come back.  The man who was more than willing to die for the past few weeks not only gives her a smile but also a reassuring shoulder squeeze because now he wants to come back and more importantly, believes he will.

There’s something about Oliver being in the suit while returning to the darkened foyer of his childhood home with Felicity.  Maybe it’s that his past, present, and future are all colliding at once.  I remember I got goosebumps the first time I saw it because everything about this scene--the music, lighting, camera angles, close ups- told me something big was going to happen.  I had no idea how big lol.

Exhibit A of one of the close-ups.  He takes a moment to just soak her in.  She has inspired him to want to live.  To embrace his humanity and have a life filled with love.  But the city needs saving and he still holds wellsprings of guilt within his heart.  This is always Oliver’s struggle within himself.  

Eyes shining with emotion, expression earnest, Oliver lets go of his internal struggle over his feelings as those three little words slip through his lips.  

I adore this kiss.  I’m fine that they didn’t use it because honestly after that sincerely whispered ‘I love you’ they really didn’t need it to sell the “ruse.”  With the hood down and mask off but still in the suit, this was Oliver’s dual identity coming together for one brief moment because all of him loves Felicity Smoak. 

Talk about unthinkable...that these two wouldn’t end up together.  Even though Oliver wasn’t quite ready to follow-up on the admission of his feelings to Felicity in the light of day, his heart eyes and adoring expression give him away.  

I said on Discord during the re-watch yesterday that I really didn’t like this scene when it first aired because I wanted them to kiss but over the years, I have come to appreciate the aesthetics. <3

In the last gif, Felicity says ‘let’s go home’ and Oliver nods with that soft smile he only has for her.  I made a header about Olicity and the concept of home when Oliver returned from prison in 7x08. I think it was just as true then as it is now. <3

Thank you to all the fandom’s awesome gifmakers!  :)  SA interview gif credit to giphy.com.  2x14 scars gif credit to RolePlayGateway.com.  2x14 sass gif credit to FanForum.com.  2x14 Oliver staring gif credit to lyricalarrow.tumblr.com.  2x16 gif credit unknown.  2x22 hug gif credit to fangirlish.com.

[juliaroleplays]

Because I haven’t seen one yet, here is a masterlist of lyrics from Taylor Swift’s sixth album, reputation. You can use them as starters, memes, character tags, otp/brotp tags, thread titles, verse titles, blog titles etc. Anything in parentheses I feel like you can omit, usually for pronouns or length, but you can do whatever you want. If you find this useful, please give it a like or reblog!

Trigger warnings for: allusions to drug use/getting high

...Ready for it?

I know I’m gonna be with you I see nothing better, I keep him/her/them forever Let the games begin Lights down low No one has to know Touch me and you’ll never be alone You should see the things we do

End Game

And I heard about you And you heard about me Drinking on the beach with you all over me I bury hatchets, but I keep maps of where I put them I can't let you go, your hand prints on my soul I don’t wanna hurt you I don’t wanna miss you I don't wanna be just another ex-love (you don’t wanna see) I got a bad (boy/girl) persona, (that’s what they like) I got issues and chips on both of my shoulders I got some big enemies I gotta reputation (girl/boy) that don’t precede me I swear I don’t love the drama (it loves me) I wanna be your end game I’m one call away whenever you need me I've made mistakes and made some choices, that's hard to deny It's like your eyes are liquor, it's like your body is gold Reputation precedes me (they told you I’m crazy) The truth is, it's easier to ignore it We tried to forget it, but we just couldn't With four words on the tip of my tongue You and me, we got big reputations You and me would be a big conversation You like the bad ones too You hold me down and I protect you with my life You've been calling my bluff on all my usual tricks

I Did Something Bad

Crimson red paint on my lips Don’t throw away a good thing For every like I tell them/him/her, they/he/she tells me three Go ahead and light me up I can feel the flames on my skin I don't regret it one bit, 'cause he/she/they had it coming I let him/her/them think they saved me I never trust a narcissist (but they love me) I never trust a playboy (but they love me) If a man/woman/person/someone talks shit, then I owe him/her/them nothing If he/she/they drop my name then I owe him/her/them nothing If he/she/they spends my change then I owe he/she/they had it coming   Most fun I ever had (and I would do it over again if I could) Now all he/she/they think about is me They got their pitchforks and proof, receipts and reasons They said I did something bad (but why’s/why does it feel so good?) They’re burning all the witches, even if you aren’t one This is how the world works (you gotta leave before you get left) Why’s/Why does it feel so good? You gotta leave before you get left

Don’t Blame Me

Don’t blame me, love made me crazy (if it isn’t you ain’t doing it right) Echoes of your name in my mind For you, I would cross the line (For you,) I would fall from grace (just to touch your face) For you, I would lose my mind For you, I would waste my time I get so high every time you’re loving me I get so high every time you’re touching me I once was poison ivy, but now I'm your daisy If you walk away, I'd beg you on my knees to stay I'm insane, but I'm your baby I’m just gonna call you mine I’ve been breaking hearts a long time I’ve been toying with them older (guys/girls/people) Lord save me, my drug is my baby (that I be using for the rest of my life) My name is whatever you decide They say she’s/he’s/they’ve gone too far this time Something happened for the first time (in the darkest little paradise)

Delicate

Come here, you can meet me in the back Do the girls/boys/people back home touch you like I do?   I don’t wanna share I know that it’s delicate I pretend your mine all the damn time Is it chill that you’re in my head? Is it cool that I said all that? Is it too soon to do this yet? Just think of the fun things we could do Long night, with your hands up in my hair, (echoes of your footsteps on the stairs) My reputation has never been worse so, you must like me for me Oh damn, never seen that color blue Sometimes I wonder when you sleep, are you dreaming of me? Sometimes when I look into your eyes, I pretend you’re mine (all the damn time) Stay here honey, I don’t wanna share This ain’t for the best We can’t make any promises now can we babe? (but you can make me a drink)

Look What You Made Me Do

All I think about is karma (Honey,) I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time I don’t like how you laugh when you lie I don’t like you little games I don’t like your perfect crime I don’t trust nobody and nobody trusts me I’ll be the actress starring in your bad dreams I've got a list of names and yours is in red, underlined Look what you made me do Maybe I got mine, but you'll all get yours The world moves on, another day, another drama You said the gun was mine Your kingdom keys once belonged to me

So It Goes

All eyes on us But, honestly, baby, who's counting? But when I get you alone, it's so simple Get caught up in the moment (lipstick on your face) Gold cage, hostage to my feelings I do bad things to you I did a number on you I know what you know I make all your grey days clear I'm so chill, but you make me jealous I’m tripping when you’re gone I’m yours to keep I’m yours to lose Met you in a bar Our pieces fall, right into place So it goes… You know I’m not a bad girl/boy/person You make everyone disappear We break down a little We can feel it You did a number on me When you get me alone, it’s so simple

Gorgeous

He's/She’s/They’re in the club doing, I don't know what Ocean blue eyes looking in mine I feel like I might sink and drown and die I got a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner, he's/she’s/their older than us If you’re single, that’s honestly worse If you've got a girlfriend/boyfriend/partner, I'm jealous of her/him/them I'm so furious at you for making me feel this way (but what can I say?) There's nothing I hate more than what I can't have You are so gorgeous it makes me so mad You make me so happy, it turns back to sad You should take it as a compliment that I got drunk and made fun of the way you talk You should take it as a compliment that I'm talking to everyone here but you (but you, but you) You're so cool, it makes me hate you so much You're so gorgeous, I can't say anything to your face You're so gorgeous it actually hurts You've ruined my life, by not being mine

Getaway Car

A circus ain't a love story And now we’re both sorry (we're both sorry) Don't pretend it's such a mystery He/She/They poisoned the well, I was lying to myself He/She/They was the best of times, the worst of crimes I didn’t mean it and you didn’t see it I knew it from the first Old Fashioned, we were cursed I left you in a motel bar, put the money in a bag and I stole the keys I struck a match and blew your mind I wanted to leave him/her/them, but I needed a reason It was the great escape, the prison break I'm in a getaway car It's no surprise I turned you in, because us traitors never win Nothing good starts in a getaway car That was the last time you ever saw me The ties were black, the lies were white There were sirens in the beat of your heart Think about the place where you first met me Shades of grey in candlelight Should've known I'd be the first to leave We never had a shotgun shot in the dark We were flying, but we'd never get far X marks the spot, where we fell apart You were driving the getaway car We were flying, but we'd never get far We were jetset, Bonnie and Clyde, until I switched to the other side While he/she/they was/were running after us, I was screamin', "go, go, go!" With three of us, honey, it's a sideshow

King of My Heart

All the boys/girls/people and their expensive cars, (with their Range Rovers and their Jaguars), never took me quite where you do And all at once, you're all I want I'll never let you go And all at once, you are the one I have been waiting for   Baby, all at once, this is enough I made up my mind, I'm better off being alone Is the end of all the endings? I'm perfectly fine, I live on my own King/Queen/Ruler of my heart, body and soul The taste of your lips is my idea of luxury Up on the roof with a school girl/boy/kid crush, drinking beer out of plastic cups You move to me like a Motown beat You try on calling me baby, like trying on clothes Your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep

Dancing With Our Hands Tied

Baby can we dance (through an avalanche)? But we were dancing with our hands tied Darling, you had turned my bed into a sacred oasis Deep blue, but you painted me golden First sight, we love without reason I could've spent forever with your hands in my pockets I had a bad feeling I knew there was no one in the world who could take it I loved you in secret I loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us I'd hold you as the water rushes in, if I could dance with you again I'd kiss you as the lights went out, (swaying as the room burned down) I’m a mess (but I’m the mess that you wanted) My love had been frozen Twenty-five years old, how were you to know? You said there was nothing in the world that could stop it People started talking, putting us through our paces Picture of your face in an invisible locket We were dancing like it was the first time

Dress

All of this silence and patience, pining and anticipation All of this silence and patience, pining and desperately waiting Carve your name into my bedpost Even in my worst lies, you saw the truth in me Even in my worst times, you could see the best of me Everyone thinks that they know us Flashback to my mistakes, my rebounds, my earthquakes Flashback when you met me I don’t want you like a best friend I only bought this dress so you could take if off I woke up just in time If I get burned, at least we were electrified Inescapable, I'm not even gonna try Made your mark on me, a golden tattoo My hands are shaking from all this My hands are shaking from holding back from you My hands shake, I can't explain this My one and only, my lifeline Now I wake up by your side Our secret moments in a crowded room Say my name and everything just stops They got no idea about me and you There is an indentation in the shape of you You kiss my face and we're both drunk

This is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

Did you think I wouldn't hear all the things you said about me? Everyone swimming in a champagne sea Feeling so Gatsby for that whole year Forgiveness is a nice thing to do Friends don't try to trick you Here's a toast to my real friends, they don't care about the he-said-she-said Here's to my baby, he/she/they ain't reading what they call me lately Here's to my momma, had to listen to all this drama I can’t even say it with a straight face I took an axe to a mended fence It was so nice being friends again It was so nice throwing big parties I'm not the only friend you've lost lately, if only you weren't so shady I'm shaking my head and locking the gates Jump into the pool from the balcony So why'd you have to rain on my parade? There I was, giving you a second chance There are no rules when you show up here This is why we can't have nice things, (darling/honey) You stabbed in the back while shaking my hand

Call It What You Want

All my flowers grew back as thorns, windows boarded up after the storm All the drama queens taking swings All the liars are calling me one, nobody's heard from me for months All the jokers dressing up as kings Bridges burn, I never learn, at least I did one thing right Call it what you want, (call it what you want to) I brought a knife to a gunfight I did one thing right I know I make the same mistakes every time I want to wear his/her/their initial on a chain round my neck It fades to nothing when I look at him I'm doing better than I ever was I'm laughing with my lover, making forts under covers He/She/They built a fire just to keep me warm (He/She/They) love(s) me like I'm brand new My baby's fit like a daydream My castle crumbled overnight They took the crown, but it's alright (Slowly I said,) "You don't need to save me, but would you run away with me?" Starry eyes sparking up my darkest night

New Year’s Day

Candle wax and Polaroids on the hardwood floor Don’t read the last page Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you I can tell that it's going to be a long road I stay when it's hard or it’s wrong or you’re making mistakes I stay when you're lost and I'm scared and you’re turning away I want your midnights I will hold onto you I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day I’ll be there if you strike out and you're crawling home I'll be there if you're the toast of the town Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere There's glitter on the floor after the party, girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby You squeeze my hand three times in the back of the taxi

[acesaru]

character #3: Anders XD

How I feel about this character:PREPARE FOR A NOVEL, I HAVE NO RESTRAINT WHEN IT COMES TO ANDERS. Where do I even start with this boy? He’s become one of my favorite characters ever over the past year. And since you got me into Dragon Age in the first place, I have you to thank for that ;) I played the games in order, including Awakening. The Anders you meet there is like a Zevran/Alistair combo of snark and flirty sass. I fell in love with him would have romanced him in a second; so imagine my surprise when I started DA:2 and met him post!Justice. It was jarring at first and I didn’t really like the change. He seemed too serious, too sad and way too different from the Anders we had met before.Got over that quickly though. I love his character development and how they connected the two games to draw us a map of how he got from point A to point B. The conversations that Justice and Anders had in Awakening were subtle nods to their shared goal in DA:2 and give a lot of insight into what is going through their shared mind in the second game. I like how they have that there without calling too much attention to it. You can see where Anders starts to shift from being so defensive and selfish and starts to feel empowered to make a change in the world. Then he and Justice merge. He gains the power he needs and the righteous fury to fuel him, but he loses a huge part of himself in the process. He trades his hard-won freedom that he coveted so desperately for a figurative prison with a purpose. He spends DA:2 struggling to find the balance between his humanity and his cause. And all the while Justice is inside of him, wanting to do what’s right but being slowly corrupted by human pain and anger. They only wanted to help one another and others, but end up becoming a force of destruction. His story is tragic from beginning to end. I just want him to be happy more than anything else.

All the people I ship romantically with this character:Hoo boy, hold on to your hats ladies n’ gents…Anders/Hawke: Romancing Anders is the best. It’s the worst. It’s… aauuugh okay give me a minuteAnders finds his first home with Hawke. He was sold out by his parents, trapped in the Circle, recruited into the Wardens and he opened his Kirkwall clinic for his cause… but at no point did he ever have an actual home. A place he could rest and share only with someone he cared for, and who cared for him. Hawke is the first person to give him that, both in the physical sense of a real home and in the emotional sense of having a place to belong. Hawke embraces Anders in his entirety, and Anders is completely free to love Hawke in a way he’s never allowed himself to love someone before. Even with Karl, who I think he did love, there was secrecy and fear. But not with Hawke. But we all know how it ends. A lot of people can’t forgive Anders for his betrayal at the end of the game. I do, for reasons I’ll go into farther down.Anders/Nathaniel Howe: I wish this ship was more popular and that I could find a Nate to RP my Anders with, interested parties can shoot me a PM anytime. I’ve always had a weakness for ships with the kind of dynamic they had in Awakening; snarky pain-in-the-ass with the stoic no-nonsense type. But I like them meeting up in DA:2 equally as well, both of them changed and Nate a mix of angry and relieved that Anders isn’t actually dead (angry only because no one knew and would it have killed him to send a letter at least?)Anders/Fenris: You are also to blame for this particular ship, though I know you despise it ;D If you had never told me people shipped them, it would have taken me a lot longer to warm up to these two…For two people who argue as much as they do, they have a lot in common. They’ve both been victims of ingrained systems of oppression. They’ve had to fight for their own freedom and live on the run in fear of persecution and imprisonment. Their situations were not the same and aren’t directly comparable, but they are close enough that I think they could find solace in one another if they were both less stubborn. They both have reasons for not being receptive to the other person’s perspective. But that also doesn’t excuse them for being such asses either. I’m a fan of these two being fluffy and helping each other through their various traumas, but I also really like the heated “I hate you but I love you or at least love to fuck you” dynamic. Anders/Justice: They share a body, an ideal, and lifetimes worth of memories. Justice knows Anders better than anyone ever could, and vice-versa. As Justice makes Anders less human, I also like to think that Anders makes Justice more human. They understand each others’ pain and beliefs in a way that cannot be shared by any other person or spirit.Hawke/Fenris/Anders: EeeeyyyAny mix of Hawke/Fenris/Anders/Justice: EEEEEYYYYSebastian/Anders: I like crack ships and they’re hot okay leave me alone 

My non-romantic OTP for this character:I like his friendship with Varric a lot. The parts in the third arc where Varric notices Anders pulling away from the group hits me right in the heart. And Varric’s disappointment in Anders in DA:I… hold on as I clutch my chest in pain, its going to be a few minutesAlso Anders with the Hero of Ferelden is really good. I want a sappy reunion between them.

My unpopular opinion about this character:Anders was right.Anders fought peacefully for his cause for years. He petitioned the powers-that-be. He tried to gather a resistance, tried to show the people of Kirkwall and Thedas that the treatment of mages had become inhumane and murderous. He wrote his manifesto. He spread the word. None of it worked. People in-game treated his cause like it was just an annoyance or a funny joke. Meanwhile mages were being abused, murdered, and practically lobotomized by a corrupt system that likened them to demons.He tried. And maybe if he hadn’t had the power of a literal spirit of Justice burning him from the inside-out, he would have kept trying for a more peaceful solution. But he was desperate, the situation was worsening in Kirkwall, and he was losing himself. Justice meant well, but even he couldn’t know what it would mean to exist within a human soul for so long. Justice became Vengeance and Anders threw everything he had- his own sense of self, his life, his love, his future- into changing the world. Because no one else was going to do it.Do I think he manipulated Hawke all along? I don’t. I think he actually did convince himself for a moment that they could have had a future. But as things got worse, his cause and his work swallowed him completely. Whether or not people think it’s forgivable, I think he used Hawke as a last resort and out of sheer desperation, fully intending to either die or be punished for the crime.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:A happy ending with him in a nice little cottage somewhere, a SO to cuddle with, and cats. Lots and lots of cats.Barring that, I at LEAST want to know where he’s at and what he’s up to in DA:I and beyond.

[juleswriites]

Below is a list of #95 possible otp/notp/brotp tags and #13 character tags inspired by lyrics from Bon Jovi.  Please like or reblog if you found this useful.

OTP tags

dressed to kill; we live in sin

caught up in a game you just can't win

restless lovers pay the price

cheating hearts don't think twice

all part of this game that we call love

I've grown up and now I'm over you

I was lost; then I found you

hear you whispering to me through the shadows

the game's over baby

take these chains from me

your lies can't hide what I see

those words were broken under bedroom lights

promises made in the heat of the night

your lips they burn; your body calls my name

you need love and I need satisfaction

can't take another sleepless night

you're the one I need to feel the fire inside

tonight you're not gonna be alone

making love on the telephone

I like 'em down and dirty so hold on tight

the pain and pleasure of lying together

I'd risk my life for a stolen kiss

one last dance and then goodbye

each move goes so slow until the door closes

no words as baby goes down

the hardest part is the night

it takes more than a night to satisfy me

I can always run to you

when I close my eyes you're waiting for me

we can't run; there's nowhere left to hide

when the night comes we can't wait

we live and love to lose control

there's a thrill in the chase

shot through the heart and you're to blame

you give love a bad name

you promise me heaven then put me through hell

when passion is a prison you can't break free

you're mine and I'm yours for the taking

what you give is always what you need

lay your hands on me

show me how to fly and never come back down

everything you want is what I need

I don't need no preacher to tell me you're mine

we call it love; they call it living in sin

I'll be there for you; these five words I swear to you

when you breathe I want to be the air for you

I'd steal the sun and sky for you

words can't say what love can do

I'll be there for you

I'd live and I'd die for you

I can promise you tomorrow

I'll be the water when you get thirsty

our very first kiss was our kiss goodbye

I play my part and you play your game

we've gotta hold on to what we've got

it doesn't make a difference if we make it or not

we've got each other and that's a lot

take my hand and we'll make it I swear

our love is like a hunger; without it we would starve

help me lay my cards on the table

you turn my whispers into screams

like roses want the rain; I want you

like a poet needs the pain; I need you

I'd get down on my knees for you

I never wanted the stars; all I wanted was you

I never shot for the moon; all I wanted was you

turn away because I can't face the truth

all I'm trying to say is all I want is you

the whiskey keeps calling your name

we'll leave the world outside

thank you for loving me

thank you for being my eyes when I couldn't see

thank you for parting my lips when I couldn't breathe

I never knew I had a dream until that dream was you

when I look into your eyes the sky's a different blue

you pick me up when I fall down

if I was drowning you would part the sea

when I couldn't fly you gave me wings

you left my heart with vertigo

you were there to pull me through

every time I look at you I see something new

take me higher than before; makes me want you more

on the wrong side of right

on the right side of wrong

take me and touch me

hold me like you mean it

make me come alive

hurt me and heal me; make me feel it

love me back to life

you look so beautiful when you can't make up your mind

when we walk into a crowded room it's like we're all alone

put your lips to my ear and whisper way down low

from the first time I saw you it felt like coming home

you had me from hello

I'd give you every beat of my heart

Muse tags

made of lipstick and plastic and paint

she likes the lights at night on the neon Broadway signs

crimes of passion rule my head

just a live wire with nowhere left to turn

gonna set the world on fire

just a victim of the headlines

too hot to handle with kid gloves

young and wired

born with the beat

a school boy's dream; you act so shy

you live for the fight when it's all that you've got

she wasn't young but still a child

smile and steal the show

[moviefixes]

The Mummy Review & Fix

Let me rant at you for a couple of minutes.

I went to see The Mummy last night.  I’d been warned that it was a horror film as opposed to the 1999 adventure film.  But, hey, I like horror.

Warning: Tom Cruise is just bizarre looking. There’s a scene where he’s PG-13 naked in the morgue, and it looks like his head has been poorly photoshopped onto the body of a bodice-ripper cover model.

One thing the movie (almost) got right: Set is the evil god instead of Anubis (if you want a decent portrayal of Anubis look to Mr. Jacquel from American Gods). However, Set is not the god of death--he’s the god of disorder, violence, the red desert.  

That out of the way, let’s talk what sucked and how I’d re-write it. So many spoilers under the cut.

Our “hero” (Tom Cruise’s character) is Nick Morton.  He’s supposed to be advanced recon for the US Army in Iraq, but he’s mainly a thief who spends his time in the desert looking for ancient artifacts to loot instead of insurgents.  His military commander, Greenway, thinks he’s a thieving ass.  He’s not wrong.  The only one who Nick seems give a shit about (besides himself) is his partner-in-crime, Chris Vail.

(The movie can’t seem to make up its mind if Vail is a corporal or a sergeant, so I’m going to refer to him as “Vail”, especially since I didn’t know he had a first name until I looked on IMDB.)  

Their opening scene where they fail to sneak into a ruined village filled with insurgents to grab some gold is one of the best parts of the movie.  They bicker like an old married couple as they get shot at and have a building blasted out from under them.  Vail calls in an airstrike against Nick’s wishes...which reveals a giant pit with a creepy ass Egyptian statue.

At this point, Greenway shows up to chew them out for their many transgressions.  He also brings Jenny Halsey, a beautiful blonde archaeologist with whom Nick had a one-night stand in Baghdad.  She’s not ashamed that she had a hook up, but she loathes him since he stole a map from her that led him here in search of treasure.  Greenway orders Nick and Vail into the hole with her.  Instead of finding a tomb full of artifacts to outfit the occupant in the afterlife, the tomb is designed to contain an evil spirit for eternity.  There’s a LOT of mercury, which Wikipedia is telling me wasn’t uncommon in Egyptian tombs, though maybe not in these quantities.  Because Nick is a dick, he shoots one of the ropes keeping the sarcophagus suspended in the pool of mercury, causing it to be lifted out. To quote Ardeth Bey: “You have started a chain reaction that could bring about the next apocalypse!”  Because the sarcophagus contains Ahmanet, a New Kingdom Egyptian princess who was mummified and buried alive after going on a murder spree and then trying to bring Set into the mortal world in the body of her “Chosen”.  Nick then becomes her new Chosen.

Like The Mummy (1999) and The Mummy Returns, there are multiple swarms of creepy crawlies.  At one point, Nick is completely overwhelmed by rats.  Unfortunately, they do not eat him.  When they are still in the tomb, there’s a swarm of giant spiders.  I was practically bouncing in my seat going “please be camel spiders...please be camel spiders”.  And they were!  However, one bites Vail and injects him with venom that allows Ahmanet to take control of him. *rolls eyes* Camel spiders do not have venom.

They take the  sarcophagus and flee ahead of a giant sandstorm on what I’m pretty sure is a C-130 (my heavy-lift aircraft obsession, let me show you it).  Ahmanet crashes it over England because Crusaders brought her evil knife back with them to the UK and hid it.  Ok, Mummy, you do you.  In the crashing, Nick manages to save Jenny by getting her into what turns out to be the only parachute and shoving her out the giant hole in the side of the plane.  

He dies, Ahmanet resurrects him, and we have the naked scene in the morgue, which we could have all done without.  

One of the great strengths of the 1999 Mummy was Rick and Evie’s romance. It is one of the few OTPs I have because it is that good.  And it makes sense.  Yes, they don’t get off to a great start (see: the prison scene), but you watch them first realize “oh, shit, he’s hot” / “wow, I don’t think I’m going to trade her for a camel after all”.  

They have several conversations over the course of the film where they get to know each other: on the boat where’s he’s cleaning his weapons, in Hamunaptra where she gives her famous drunken “I am a librarian!” speech.  This isn’t love at first sight; this is love that grows.  And when we see them 10 years later in The Mummy Returns and they are still fucking in love, it makes sense because the kind of relationship they developed in the first movie is sustainable.  It's not stress-fueled passion.

In contrast, Nick and Jenny start out antagonistically--he stole from her--and their bickering never seems to come across as flirting. She’s constantly, rightfully, calling him out as a garbage human being until suddenly, she’s not.   When she tries to convince Nick that he’s a good man based on the evidence of giving her the last parachute, he straight up tells her that he thought there was another one.  And maybe it was supposed to be him trying to protect his fragile feelings...

...but the way Cruise says it makes me think he’s sincere.

It turns out that Jenny works for a secret organization, the Prodigium, whose mission is to stamp out supernatural threats.  It’s headed by Dr. Jekyll. (I did not realize that this film is the start of a grim!dark League of Extraordinary Gentlemen series), who wants to stop Ahmanet’s plan to release Set by killing the Chosen One, i.e. Nick.  There is talk of dissection. Because Jenny is not an awful human being, this bothers her, and she sets about trying to rescue Nick from her Prodigium buddies.

This is where we get the Easter egg that confirms that, unfortunately, this is supposed to be a sequel to the 1999 Mummy when Jenny uses the gold Book of Amun-Ra to smack Malik around during her rescue attempt.

And somewhere in here, Nick and Jenny decide that they are in love and spend the rest of the movie running from one danger to another, screaming each others' names. At the very end, Nick risks destroying the world to stab himself in the chest to possibly be able to resurrect Jenny.  Because this movie doesn't even attempt to do its homework, the romance is nonsensical.  

Normally, I would recommend dropping the romance altogether.  It worked well for the first Avengers movie ("There's no time for romance. We've got shit to avenge!") and Power Rangers, but Nick needs something to make him give a shit about anything other than himself.  I mean, at the beginning of the movie, he's running around Iraq stealing stuff.  He's not motivated by patriotism or wanting to protect innocent people from insurgents.  The movie doesn't even show him saving a kid or petting a dog as a trite way to reveal that, hey, maybe he's a good man under that greed.  Instead, we get nothing to make us think he's a person who would sacrifice himself to save the world.  He can't even quite pull off “BECAUSE I'M ONE OF THE IDIOTS WHO LIVES IN IT!” since what Ahmanet is initially offering is wealth and sex, two things he's shown serious interest in.  Being possessed by Set, yes, is a turn-off, but I think he'd be more likely to try and save his skin by fleeing from her and the Prodigium than stay and fight.

In fact, the only thing he is shown to care about other than treasure and himself, is Vail.  Their banter is the only that comes close to the banter in the 1999 Mummy and The Mummy Returns.  On the plane, when Vail is possessed by Ahmanet and starts stabbing people, Nick steps in between him and the soldiers and grabs a soldier's sidearm right out of his hands to hold them off.  When Nick shoots Vail the first time, it doesn't look like he actually intended to pull the trigger.  Instead of holding the gun in front of him, he has it up by his ear and sort of sideways.  When Vail keeps advancing, Nick is still trying to get him to stand down.  He doesn't look any more in control with the second shot, and "the third one was unnecessary. You freaked me out; I panicked".  The movie ends with Nick abandoning Jenny in the tunnels and then going to resurrect Vail and ride off into the desert with him, seeking adventure.

So I propose, what if the archeologist who comes to the tomb is a goofy little dude who is bitten by the camel spider (grrrr) and is possessed and starts stabbing people on the plane and then dies?  What if it's Vail who manages to get hold of the parachute and put it on before realizing there's not another one?  And he and Nick are screaming at each other--Vail isn't going to go until Nick finds a way out and Nick isn't going to let them both die, so he pulls the ripcord on the parachute and Vail gets sucked out and survives.

Then Jenny shows up in the morgue as a secretive agent of an unknown, possibly government group (the Prodigium), but before she can whisk him away to Jekyll's secret lair under the Natural History Museum (formerly the British Museum...hi, Return of the Mummy reference), Vail sneaks Nick out to the pub.  Nick is hallucinating rat swarms and Ahmanet, and Vail drags him into the bathroom, and they're yelling at each other about mercury poisoning and Jenny's hot but can they trust her?  At some point, a group of women try to come in, and they realize they're in the ladies' room.

(Jenny in the secret agent role would probably result in her being recast or Annabelle Wallis having to dye her hair brown because Hollywood is weird like that.)

When Ahmanet lures Nick to the church where evil knife was hidden by the Crusaders, Vail follows. "What the hell are we doing, man?"  Jenny reappears when they flip the ambulance as the leader of the Prodigium crew who capture Ahmanet.  Nick and Vail have the conversation about the last parachute, but when Nick says he thought there was another one, Vail just snorts.  "You just keep telling yourself that, Morton."

Vail is 110% against Jekyll's plan to summon Set and then kill him when the god is in Nick's body.  When Nick accidentally frees Mr. Hyde and the Prodigium security guards drag Vail out of the room, he runs around and ends up fighting Malik and throwing himself against the Hyde-proof glass.  The two men make a break for it while Ahmanet escapes.  Jenny leads them into the subway tunnels, trying to herd Nick towards Ahmanet and the completed dagger in order to enact Jekyll's plan.  They all get separated, Ahmanet drowns Vail, and, after attempting CPR, Nick brings forth Set to try and save Vail, yadda, yadda, yadda.

The movie ends with Jekyll and Jenny discussing what Nick's fate will be now that he's fused with Set, and then Nick and Vail ride off into the desert.  Exactly like the film as it stands.

Ta-da!  Follows the same plot of the movie, but with motivations that make sense!

The only thing I added was a disposable archaeologist in the first act.