#this being said it made me an arrogant 17 year old

[p3nnylane]

sometimes i think about being a teenager in upper year seminars. i must have been so fucking annoying. who let me in there. proposing a new rule where you have to be at least 21 to be in one of those. lest you HUMILIATE yourself

[asahicore]

real me, real you - psh

pairing. sunghoon x fem!reader (ft. jay... sorry)

synopsis. You’re your school’s popular pretty smart girl, but with a twist - you lead a completely different life at home, where you are messy, lazy and foul-mouthed. Only your family and best friend Sumin know about this, until Park Sunghoon, of all people, finds out. The resident cold and arrogant heartbreaker of your school decides to blackmail you into doing his biddings - but you can’t say no, not even when he asks you to be his fake girlfriend, otherwise he’ll ruin your reputation. But as you and Sunghoon get closer, you realize that maybe he’s not so bad after all, and you may be more similar than you'd originally though - all while your old childhood friend Jay watches from the sidelines.

genre. fake dating, high school au, very slight love triangle action, fluff and angst

warnings. this is the first thing i ever wrote so there may be slightly cringe and awkward things but i didn't wanna change anything lol, hoon is a meanie at some point and everything is dramatic and very fanfic-y, mild childhood trauma for both of them <3

word count. 22.9k

author's note. @end-hyphen genie this one is for you... i hope you still like this fic after all this time lol ! as i said in the warnings i only changed a few typos and punctuation from the original but i decided to not make any major changes bc i think it's nice to see what my writing was like when i had just started out!! hopefully i've improved lol, also this was not inspired by true beauty!! i've never seen the show nor read the webtoon. i was inspired by two mangas called switch girl and kare kano (or his and her circumstances) which have this plot of a girl being two different people at school and at home. anyways hope u guys enjoy this and if u do pls lmk <333

Nobody was supposed to find out.

You were the most popular girl in school, known for your looks, good grades, and kind personality. You had a nice group of friends and the whole school at your feet, students and staff alike. As the student representative, you had an image to keep up and needed everyone to think you were perfect; and they did. So you always wore a smile on your face, kept your head up and made sure your uniform was creaseless, all while maintaining the highest scores in your year. Always being friendly to your peers and helping them out prevented anyone from thinking you were a stuck-up goody-two-shoes. You made high school look like a breeze.

But such a life didn’t exist. Who was happy waking up at 6 a.m. every day and dedicating all of their time to schoolwork and student life? You certainly weren’t. What you thrived off of was having everyone think you were. Hearing whispers in the corridor of, “She’s so pulled together!” or “I wish I had her life”, now, those skyrocketed you to heaven. The cherry on top was a nod of approval from a teacher or an “outstanding job again, Y/N” as they handed you back your graded paper. Your favorite color had become the red of the pens your teachers used to write A+ at the top of the page. 

You’d always been academically gifted, but as you heard those words more and more, you’d started craving them and doing everything to hear them again until they started controlling you instead of the other way around. Everything you did needed to be perfect. And that was how you had created this persona of the perfect girl who had it all together at the ripe age of 17. But that’s exactly what it was; a persona. 

As soon as you stepped off the bus and waved goodbye to your friends, you became another person. Or more accurately, you reverted back to your natural self. You weren’t an evil person by any means; it wasn’t your intention to actively deceive everyone at school, it was more of a side effect of keeping up appearances. Only your family and your closest friend Sumin knew what you were truly like: greedy, messy, short-tempered, self-centered, and sometimes downright insufferable. Your younger siblings, Sunoo and Yeeun, liked to joke that you had a button you switched on and off whenever you left the house. When on, you were the sweetest girl ever, but when off, all your vices crept up and let themselves known to the world, or rather to your family. You didn’t mean to make them suffer, but after a long day of being perfect, you needed to blow off some steam; if they had to be your metaphorical punching bag, so be it. 

When Sunoo entered high school, you made him swear he wouldn’t say a thing to anyone. You trusted him and knew he wouldn’t let your secret out - it was too entertaining for him to see you act perfect at school and reveal your true self at home. There was no risk of anyone finding out - you were so intent on keeping the act up that nothing ever slipped you. It had been that way since middle school, and your senior year of high school was going to be no different.

Nobody was supposed to find out, so what was Park Sunghoon doing right in front of you in the frozen aisle of the corner convenience store, just when you happened to be bare-faced, with thick glasses on and a pimple bright red from just having been popped, in your comfiest pajamas, and a tub of Ben & Jerry’s in hand?

“Kim Y/N? Y/N, is that you?”

You froze in place, not knowing how to react. There was no way this, your worst nightmare, was actually happening.

When you regained your senses, flight seemed the best way out of this. You avoided Sunghoon’s curious gaze and curtly replied, “No, sorry, I don’t know who that is,” before walking away, iron grip on the ice cream.

But the boy was quicker than you and grabbed you by the wrist, forcing you to turn around. “It is you! Come on, Y/N, aren’t we friends? Do you not recognize me or something?”

If it wasn’t for the panic coursing through your veins at that moment, you might’ve laughed at his question. How could you not recognize the Park Sunghoon? Along with Park Jongseong and Sim Jaeyun, or Jay and Jake as they liked to be called, he was only the most popular guy in your year - hell, in the whole school. The three of them had gained attention from freshman year as the three handsome soccer players. Jake and Sunghoon had been attached at the hip since kindergarten, Jay joining them sometime in middle school when he came back from his year abroad in Seattle. 

Your parents and Jay’s had been college best friends and you two had therefore grown up together, and even used to be quite close. You’d grown apart when he joined Jake and Sunghoon’s friend group, and although you still got on well, there was always a bit of an awkward atmosphere when you caught up with each other.

The three friends had quite different personalities but their complicity and shared history made them stick together. Jake was known for his academic achievements, rivaling yours, and his friendly personality; Jay, for his surprisingly funny antics once you got past the somewhat menacing appearance (which he blames on his resting bitch face). Sunghoon, on the other hand, was as cold as ice, so much that he’d earned the nickname of ice prince, but girls continued to swoon over him due to his incredibly handsome features. When turning down girls, Jake and Jay always tried to let them down gently, but Sunghoon wasn’t one to hold back: he’d laugh in their face or straight up say no, staring them right in the eyes. Most confessions ended in tears (not his, obviously), but girls kept on testing their luck, thinking they might be the one to melt the ice prince’s cold, dead heart.

Clearly, you weren’t Sunghoon’s biggest fan.

His behavior had always made you wonder why Jay and Jake were friends with a person like him. They went back a long time, but how did Sunghoon not become a nice and approachable person like his two best friends? They both seemed so genuine, but he looked like he was hiding something. This was what had made you weary of him; you knew all too well how easily an image that was the opposite of reality could be created. So on one hand, you sort of felt for him, thinking he might be in a similar situation as you. But on the other hand, you couldn’t help but feel some kind of jealousy: if you acted the way he did, you wouldn’t receive half the admiration you did. Hell, you’d probably be hated for it - no one likes a girl that’s both successful and bitchy about it. 

One thing was sure, though, and that was that you wouldn’t call the two of you friends, as he just had.

“Y/N? You okay?”

The pure panic in your eyes must’ve made Sunghoon realize something was wrong. He released you and looked you up and down, trying to take your appearance in. The Y/N he was seeing right then was worlds away from the one he was accustomed to at school. 

You realized there was no ignoring him, so you collected yourself and faced Sunghoon. “Uh, yeah, hi, Sunghoon. Sorry, I just wasn’t expecting to see anyone I knew here.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, no wonder. You look quite… different from what you usually do,” he said, voice laced with sarcasm.

This whole situation got you dumbfounded. You usually knew exactly what to retort when somebody messed with you, your friend or a classmate, but this time, you were completely speechless. You just wanted to escape.

“Well, it was nice seeing you Sunghoon, but I need to get home.” You pivoted on your heels and started walking again, but Sunghoon had other plans.

“Aw, come on, so quickly? We barely got to chat!” He followed you through the aisles as you picked up the remaining ingredients on the list your mother had given you as quickly as you could.

“I didn’t know you needed glasses. Do you wear lenses at school?”

“Yes. I need them to see.”

“I figured.” You could hear the smirk in his voice, and your shock was slowly morphing into anger. Were teenage girls so blind that they’d have a crush on someone with such an abominable personality, no matter how angelic his face was? 

“I really like your outfit, by the way. Looks super comfy.” And as if your embarrassment couldn’t grow any bigger, he added: “Too bad you got a stain on the shirt.”

You looked down at yourself and noticed a huge grease stain on the collar of your shirt. Admittedly, you didn’t always have the best table manners. 

You swore under your breath. It was quiet for a couple minutes as you arrived at the register and paid for your items, Sunghoon still on your tail. He had apparently given up his purchases to focus solely on tormenting you. When you walked out of the store, you thought he might finally be done. But of course, he wasn’t.

“You know, my sister has this really effective pimple cream she uses. Do you want me to ask her what brand it is?”

That was it. You sighed deeply. “Alright, Park. What do you want?”

When you turned to face him fully, arms crossing over your chest and an obviously tired expression on your face, the mischievous glint in his eyes made you realize something. That idiot was enjoying this. 

Indeed, he beamed down at you. You had probably never seen him smiling so widely. “Wow, Y/N, didn’t know you could have such an attitude.”

You stayed silent and continued staring at him, waiting for an answer. He mirrored your pose, out of instinct or to irritate you, you weren’t sure.

“You know, when I moved to this neighborhood before the start of school, I was definitely not expecting to see Perfect Miss Y/N out in her pajamas buying ice cream. I thought you were more into, I don’t know, rescuing puppies from fires or something. That sounds like something you’d do in your free time.”

“Well, is there anything wrong with what I’m doing?”

“Oh, absolutely not! Just a surprising sight. Makes me wonder what the rest of the school would say…” He looked intently at you, clearly waiting for a reaction. You weren’t about to give him one, though.

You chuckled and rolled your eyes, shifting your weight on your right foot. “Yeah, like anyone would believe you if you said you saw me looking anything else other than perfect.” It might’ve sounded arrogant, but that was the image people had of you. Even your friends asked you how you did it - if only they knew the truth.

At that, his smile got even brighter. “Don’t worry about that, I won’t need to tell anyone. I’ll just show them!” He pulled out his phone, showing you a picture of you in your god-awful pajamas searching for your favorite flavor of ice cream.

He watched as your face fell, taking your silence as an opportunity to go on. “You were so engrossed in the tubs of ice cream that you didn’t notice a dashingly handsome and tall young man very obviously taking pictures of you.”

This put you into panic mode again. It might have seemed foolish, but you hadn’t worked for years to create a perfect version of yourself only for a stupid boy to destroy it all with one picture. 

You sighed and lowered your head, taking a moment to think. You didn’t know Sunghoon that well, but you didn’t put it past him to send that picture to everyone and ruin your image in the process. You opted for honesty instead of bluff. You took your glasses off and looked back up at him; even if you couldn’t see him as well without them, maybe he’d see the despair in your eyes better.

“Park. I mean, Sunghoon. You can’t show that picture to anyone, okay? You have no idea how bad I need to keep up appearances. It’s really important to me, so just delete the picture and let’s never talk about this again, yeah?”

You tried smiling at him, but his expression infuriated you. You could tell he had something else up his sleeve. “Now, Y/N, why would I do that? If I’m gonna do something for you, you should do something for me.”

You weren’t sure if you wanted to hear the rest of his thoughts, but you needed to know. Eyeing him suspiciously, you told him to go on.

“Well, I can’t think of anything right now, but I’ll let you know when I do, okay? I’ll see you around, Y/N.” He flashed another one of his smiles, patted your head, and walked away, just like that, leaving you standing outside the convenience store on your own, a melting tub of ice cream in your plastic bag. At least for now, you were safe.

Right?

—

“You saw Park Sunghoon? As in, the Park Sunghoon?” your little sister Yeeun asked, looking at you with huge eyes. You two and Sunoo were sitting on your bed, sharing the ice cream by eating it directly from the tub.

“Yes, that’s literally what I’ve been saying this whole time. How do you know him anyway? You’re still in middle school…”

“Are you crazy? He’s famous in our whole school district! I wish we had cute boys in my school as well,” she sulked, pouting.

“That’s not the point, Yeeun,” Sunoo chimed in, then turned to you. “Well, this is either bad news or the start of a beautiful romance.”

“Sunoo! Take this seriously! I’m in a huge dilemma right now.”

Your siblings shared a knowing glance and snickered.

“Hey! I’m right here. I’m not overreacting, you know. If he does send those pictures around, I’m done for.”

“Oh, come on, Y/N, you’d be so much better off if you could be yourself at school. I see you there almost everyday, and the way you laugh always sounds so fake. Nobody would care if you forgot to put makeup on one day or had a crease in your shirt. If anything, it’d make you look more human.”

You could see where Sunoo was coming from, but you chose to ignore it. You sighed deeply. “You guys just don’t get it. They all see me as this perfect, put-together girl. If I showed them even a glimpse of the truth, everything would shatter. It’s too late to go back now.” You ignored their pitying looks and took another big spoonful of ice cream.

It was their turn to sigh. As always, it was impossible to reason with you. Deep in your thoughts, you added: “You know, there was something really off about him today. I’d never seen him act that way before.”

Your siblings looked at you questioningly. “He’s always so cold and distant towards everyone. I’ve only seen him smile when he’s laughing with Jake and Jay or when he makes fun of someone. But just now, he kept smiling at me like he was having fun. He even patted my head when he left.”

At that, Yeeun swooned dramatically, hands over her heart. You looked over at her and said, “I’d be swooning too if it was any other guy than Park Sunghoon. I’m more confused than anything right now, he was a completely different person from when I see him at school.”

They exchanged another look. “You guys stop doing that!”

“Well, it’s just that that sounds an awful lot like someone I know,” Sunoo replied. Realization hit you and you scoffed, mildly offended. At least you were nice to others at school and didn’t act like an asshole with a superiority complex.

“Anyway,” he continued, “what will you do about Sunghoon?”

“I’m not too sure. I guess all I can do is wait and see whatever it is he could want from me.”

“Yeah, do that, and then date him, please. If I can’t have him as my boyfriend, then I’ll have him as my brother-in-law,” Yeeun joked. You didn’t have it in you to retort anything back and started laughing along with her. 

If everything did shatter, at least you’d have your siblings to make you laugh.

— 

The next day, you made your way to the bus stop after your daily morning routine: jogging, showering, eating a filling breakfast, choosing the perfect accessories for your school uniform, applying just the right amount of makeup and going over your subjects and tasks of the day. As always, efficiency is the key. You had become so used to this routine that your body did it on its own, which let your mind wander wherever it pleased. Usually, you’d use this time to prepare yourself for the day ahead, but today, the only thing on your mind was Park Sunghoon. What was that boy up to? Was he up to anything, or did you completely imagine his mischievousness yesterday? In any case, you hoped it would all be over soon. 

You got on the bus and sat down next to Sumin. Your close friend group at school consisted of her, Park Sieun, Lee Heeseung and Choi Jiung, but she was the only one who knew about your secret. You had been friends for so long that you hadn’t even been able to hide it: she’d seen you from all angles, both before, during and after your transformation to who you were now. It was nice having someone else than your siblings to rely on and tell everything to. 

“Minie, you’ll never guess what happened yesterday. I ran into Park Sunghoon at the convenience store next to our apartment unit.”

She raised her eyebrows in surprise, but her reaction wasn’t as big as you thought it’d be. She smiled and said, “Huh! I knew he’d moved to our neighborhood, but I wouldn’t have thought he’d live so close to you that you’d even shop at the same place.”

She registered your confused expression and continued. “Didn’t you hear? He moved out of his parents’ house at the end of summer. Something about a huge fight with them that made him move out. But there are always so many rumors about him and his group that I don’t know what to believe.”

“Oh,” you mumbled, unsure what to say. Now that you thought about it, Sunghoon had mentioned moving in your conversation yesterday, but you were so preoccupied with him seeing you in your wild state that you hadn’t paid much attention to his comment.

“Wait, did he do something? Your face is telling me he did something.”

You got closer to her face and gestured for her to do the same. With lowered heads and in hushed tones, you said, “He saw me on off-mode.”

She gasped and jolted back in surprise, eyes wide and eyebrows shooting straight up. “What?”

You shushed her and pulled her in by her shoulders. “He even took pictures.” Your grip tight, you held her from jumping again. “That’s not even it. You know how he's always really cold and distant?”

“You mean how he’s always being a douchebag?” She scoffed. “Yeah, I know.”

You remembered that Sumin had been one of the first of many girls who shot their shot with Park Sunghoon, only to get rejected. You both grimaced at the memory that always left a bad taste in your mouth.

“He was completely different yesterday. Kept following me around the store and, I’m not sure, teasing me? Like trying to get a reaction out of me? In a weird half-friendly half-bully way.”

“Hm, you’re right, that doesn’t sound like him,” she mused. “It does sound like a stupid teenage boy though, which I guess he is, no matter how hard he tries to pretend he’s not.”

This is what you loved about Sumin. She could see right through people, and never hesitated to say what she thought of them, especially when they acted the way Sunghoon did. Sure, there were some personal feelings attached there, but she had quickly gotten over them when she realized how much of a douche he was towards everyone else.

When the bus stopped to pick up some more students, Heeseung hopped on. You quickly told Sumin to keep it a secret, at which she smiled and made a motion as if zipping her lips and throwing the key. If you told your friends about Sunghoon, you’d have to tell them the truth about how he had dirt on you, but you wanted to keep your friendship clean. You chatted the rest of the bus ride away and tried not to worry over Park Sunghoon too much.

When you finally got to school, you, Heeseung, and Sumin made your way to your classroom to join Jiung and Sieun. Before you could get there, however, Jungwon, an underclassman you had talked to a couple times for student council meetings, called out your name. You told your friends to go on without you and turned to the younger boy.

“Jungwon! Hi, what’s up?”

He seemed flattered that you had remembered his name but quickly got on with his business. “Um, I’m not sure why, but Sunghoon told me to come and get you? I’ve never talked to him, I think he just picked me randomly and assigned me a task…”

You sighed. Park Sunghoon truly was something. “Thanks for telling me, Jungwon. I’ll make sure he gets an earful for this, he has no right to boss students around like that.”

Jungwon’s eyes doubled in size as he frantically waved his hands in dismissal. “No! No need to do that, I don’t want to get in trouble with him. I’m just here to relay the message.” At that, he scurried off, and you headed towards Sunghoon’s homeroom. 

When you walked in, a few people were in the room, some girls gossiping with each other, a couple students doing some last-minute revision for a test. You found Sunghoon sitting at his desk, snickering with Jay and Jake and hoped that the subject of their laughter wasn’t you. They noticed you approaching and the two decent boys greeted you; the other one eyed you, that mischievous glint back in his eyes. What could he possibly have in mind?

“Hi, guys.” You smiled at Jay and Jake and reflexively stood closer to Jay. “Sunghoon, Jungwon said you wanted to see me?” you asked, trying to keep your impatience at bay.

“Oh, was that his name? Well, thank heavens for him, ‘cause I forgot my lunch at home. Would you be a sweetheart and go buy me something at the cafeteria? You know how everything runs out as soon as lunch period starts, and I get really cranky when I’m hungry.”

You stared at him, wide-eyed. His two friends’ reaction wasn’t very different from yours. Go buy him lunch? That’s what he wanted you to do?

“What? You don’t want to? That’s too bad, cause there’s a picture I think everybo-”

You cut him off before he could finish. “No! Of course I’ll do it! Can’t have our star player go hungry, now can we?” You cringed at your own words and Jay eyed you suspiciously. Sunghoon beamed, and Jake’s eyes darted back and forth between the two of you in pure confusion. “Um, any preferences?”

His smile got wider. “A tuna mayo would be amazing. Thanks, Y/N! You’re the best!”

“Sure…” you mumbled and quickly walked away, more bemused than ever. You checked your watch. You had 10 minutes before the first bell rang, and you could not be late for class, which meant you needed to hurry. 

You got back to Sunghoon’s classroom just a minute before the first bell. To your dismay, the class was almost full, and girls had gathered around him, trying to get his attention, but he seemed unbothered by their presence. You braced yourself and walked towards him. As your presence rarely went by unnoticed, most eyes were on you and Sunghoon. Not only were you two some of the most popular kids in school, you also happened to be handing him his lunch, a never-seen-before sight between the two of you. 

“I also got you banana milk, for good measure…” 

What had seemed like a great idea a few minutes ago, something to appease the devil in him, now felt like the biggest mistake of your life. The girls around him started whispering left and right and you weren’t sure whether they felt bad for you, sensing an incoming rejection, or wanted to tear you to shreds for even trying. 

The whispers grew even louder when Sunghoon took the sandwich and milk from your hands, thanking you with a smile. You’d be lying if you said your heart hadn’t done a small jump in your chest at that moment. As much as you hated to admit it, if looks were the sole factor for popularity, then you could definitely understand why Park Sunghoon was so loved. His face looked like it had been carved by the gods themselves. When his eyebrows weren’t turned in a frown, his eyes looked almost sweet, especially when he laughed. His two moles gave him so much charm, the curve of his nose was so delicate and his pink lips looked so, so soft… 

You cleared your throat and smiled back at him before turning around to walk to your own classroom.

“Wait, Y/N!”

You turned back around, all eyes on you. You could feel Jay’s eyes burning holes into you. Sunghoon was still smiling. You thought you’d seen him smile more in the past two days than you had in all the years you’d known him.

“I’ll see you later.”

—

And indeed see him later you did. You always hung back a bit after classes ended to get homework done or work out student council issues. Being in an empty classroom brought you some peace and quiet, very different from the busyness and noise of your home. You couldn’t even focus in your own room, your siblings or parents always barging in to disturb you. The after-school janitors now knew you by name and saved cleaning the classroom you were sitting in for last. 

You had been barely sitting there for 5 minutes, nose buried in a math problem, when Park Sunghoon graciously strode in, swung the chair in front of you around and sat on it, arms crossed over its back as he peered at you. You didn’t even bother to look up at him as you spoke. “What, Park?”

“Oh no, back to last name basis already?” he joked. You didn’t laugh. He cleared his throat awkwardly. “Wow, tough crowd. Anyways, thanks for the sandwich today.”

This made you look at him. Or rather, shoot daggers at him. “Yeah, what the hell was that all about? Did you have to pull that little stunt in front of everybody? You know what our school is like! Rumors are gonna start spreading like wildfire.”

“I already told you,” he said with a defensive tone. “Forgot my lunch, everything was gonna run out, didn’t want to get hungry later,” he said as he shrugged, completely ignoring the latter part of your complaint.

“And you couldn’t have gone and gotten it yourself?”

He beamed. If it wasn’t so damn beautiful, you probably would have started getting tired of his stupid smile already. “Why would I do that when I could get you to do it?”

You sighed. “I knew you weren’t the nicest guy, but I didn’t know you could be such an asshole, Park.”

If you hadn’t been staring him down so intently, you might not have noticed the falter in his smile, so quick it was.

“Oh, come on, Y/N. If anything, I’m doing you a favor by not sending out to everyone that picture you so desperately want to keep secret. Thing is, doing that wouldn’t benefit me in any way, except for getting the satisfaction of seeing everybody realize you’re not as perfect as they think you are. Whereas holding it over your head allows me to do basically anything I want with you. And that, that is just so much fun,” he beams, lowering his voice into a whisper for the last sentence.

What a psycho, you thought. You just sighed once more and returned to your textbook, too weirded out to say anything back. You hoped the silence would make Sunghoon realize how creepy what he had just said was. 

It was quiet in the room, only the sound of your pencil scratching your notebook could be heard. Sunghoon sat in the same position and watched you working. He often saw you like this, focused and benched over a desk, in the library or walking past your classroom. But it was always in passing, and looking at you so closely made all the world’s difference. He could see how you scrunched your nose when the problem got particularly difficult, or how your smirk as you solved another one made your left dimple appear. He also liked the annoyed looks you gave him every once in a while, as if his presence was disturbing your focus. He wasn’t sure what it was, but there was something about seeing someone who always went about their way with such purpose sitting in such silence.

He decided to break that silence. “You know, Jay was asking about you earlier.”

You kept your eyes trained on your notebook but abruptly stopped writing, your pencil leaving a small scratch on the paper. This didn’t go unnoticed by Sunghoon. “Did he?” you said, trying to sound as uninterested as possible, although you couldn’t help but be curious. Ever since Jay and you had grown apart, there was always a part of you wondering what he was up to, how he was doing, if he thought of you once in a while or reminisced about the good old times as you sometimes did. 

“Yeah. I mean, everyone did, but I didn’t really care,” he answers simply, and even though you’re itching to push him to say more, you stay quiet. “You’re right, by the way, I do know the people in our school. The rumors have already started spreading. Up to you whether you wanna deny them or not, though,” he said with a smirk.

“Don’t even think about it, Park. There’s not a chance in hell I’ll let them think we have a thing going on. I have a reputation to uphold, you know.”

He chuckled. “Trust me, I know. Anyway, he wanted to know why you did that for me. Guess he was jealous you didn’t do it for him, too.”

“Why would he be?” you asked, trying to make the question sound as innocent as possible. 

“Well, you two go a long way back, right?” he asked tentatively, as if testing the waters.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Then it was probably weird for him to see his childhood best friend and his best bro interacting out of nowhere, even though we’ve both seen each other around a lot and nothing has ever come out of that. Don’t you think?”

A beat passed as you thought about it. “Yeah, I guess that’d look weird to him,” you replied, trying to keep the disappointment out of your voice.

You quickly wrote down your last answer, packed up your things, and stood up. “Well, I’m off now. I’ll see you around, unfortunately.”

Sunghoon, surprised at your quick departure, scrambled to get off his chair and chased after you. “Do you want me to drop you off? I’ve got a car, you know. Much more glamorous than the bus.”

You turned around and looked at him. “I’d rather get hit by said bus than get in your car, Park.”

He stood there, watching you walk away with a smirk on his face as your ponytail swayed from side to side. This was going to be a challenge. You were going to be a challenge. 

Thing is, he loved a good challenge.

—

Back home, you flopped down on your bed and buried your face in your pillow. You laid there for a few minutes, taking some time to gather your thoughts and try to understand Sunghoon’s actions. It was of no use; you weren’t a mind-reader, and he seemed impossible to figure out. He could make you do basically whatever he wanted to, and he decided to make you get him lunch, creating rumors along the way? What could he possibly get out of that?

Your reflexions were quickly interrupted, however, by a flurry of incoming messages on your phone. Someone had posted a photo of you handing his banana milk to Sunghoon on your school’s Instagram account - because apparently, your school was so obsessed with gossip that they had created an Instagram page just for it. The photo had blown up among your peers and it made you wonder if people really were that bored with their lives.

People you barely knew but that felt entitled to knowing your relationship status were DMing you, asking about today’s events. You quickly got tired of it, so you texted your worried and confused friends that you didn’t feel like talking tonight and would catch up with them tomorrow. You opened your textbook, deciding that studying would be the best and most efficient distraction.

When your parents called you and your siblings for dinner, you still weren’t feeling great. Your family quickly registered your annoyed expression and could only hope for the best. You already weren’t the easiest to live with, but when you were tired, you just got a hundred times worse.

“So, how was everyone’s day?” your mom asked cheerily.

Yeeun’s eyes lit up instantly. “Mine was great! I met a really cute boy. His name is Nishimura Riki and he just transferred from Japan.”

“Oh, that’s nice!”

“You’re too young to be thinking about boys, Yeeun.”

Your mom and dad had replied at the same time, then gave each other a stern look.

“I’m not thinking about him, Dad, just looking,” your sister replied, earning a chuckle from your concerned father. 

“Mine was alright. I guess the start-of-a-new-year excitement has already worn off. After a week,” Sunoo said with a sigh. 

Your mom turned to you. “What about you, Y/N?”

“It was fine.”

The sharpness of your tone changed the atmosphere in the room at once. You ignored the looks your family exchanged and continued eating your food, eyes not leaving your plate.

For some reason, Sunoo thought it’d be a great idea to chime in. “She’s not happy because she had to buy Park Sunghoon his lunch and everybody went crazy over it.”

“Sunoo!” you protested. Your parents didn’t need to know about this sort of stuff.

“Park Sunghoon? Is that someone we’re supposed to know?” your dad questioned.

Yeeun scoffed. “Uh, he’s only the most popular and handsome guy at Y/N and Sunoo’s school, dad. Duh.”

“Right. Duh,” your dad said, imitating your sister’s tone.

“And why did you have to buy his lunch, Y/N?” your mom asked.

“Because he saw what she looks like when she’s not at school,” Sunoo said, not even giving you the chance to reply yourself.

“Sunoo!” you scolded again.

“And now I guess he’s using that against her to get her to do what he wants? Right, Y/N?”

You glared at your brother and let a beat pass. “Right,” you reluctantly admitted.

“Lucky…” your sister mused, expression like she was daydreaming about being Sunghoon’s personal assistant.

Your dad ignored your sister and looked straight at you. “That’s inadmissible, Y/N. You can’t let him do that.”

“Your father’s right, sweetie. It’s not right,” your mom added when you stayed silent.

With everybody’s eyes on you, you felt obligated to reply. “It’s fine. It’s not like he asked me to do anything crazy. I’m sure he’ll stop soon enough.”

“You know, boys that age, they’ll do anything to get a girl’s attention,” your dad warned. “Just ignore him and he’ll go away.”

“If she ignores him, he’ll tell everyone what she’s really like,” your brother explained.

“And what’s so bad about that? I’m sure it’d be easier if you stopped lying to everyone.”

Everyone suddenly stopped in their motions, wondering why your mom would say something so true yet so controversial. You looked up at her. “What’s so bad about that? What’s so bad? I don’t know, maybe the fact that I’ve worked so hard all these years for everybody to like me and look up to me only for a stupid picture taken by a stupid boy to ruin everything,” you said all in one breath, voice coming out harsh. You were tired of having to explain the same thing over and over again - your parents just didn’t understand why you did what you did.

Your mom opened and closed her mouth again, knowing it was useless trying to talk sense into you. It never ended well when you had this conversation.

“Who put mushrooms in this anyway? You know I hate mushrooms,” you said before filling up your bowl and taking it to eat in your room, making sure you’d slammed your door behind you.

—

On the bus the next day, you tried to explain the events of the previous day to your friends.

“There’s nothing really to it. He just asked me to get him lunch so I did, and when I handed it to him, his whole class was there and saw everything.”

“I get that, but I just don’t understand why he made you do it in the first place, or why you agreed,” Heeseung said, “it’s so unlike the both of you to do something like that.”

You hadn’t even thought to come up with an excuse for your and Sunghoon’s yesterday - your friends were definitely super confused, but you didn’t want to tell them the truth, so you had to quickly find something to say that was somewhat believable, and change the subject.

“I have no idea why he did what he did, but I didn’t want to cause a scene so I just agreed. I don’t really care, to be honest, I just wish it didn’t have such consequences. People seem to think we’re characters on a stupid Netflix coming-of-age series or something, when we literally just go to their school.”

As soon as you’d turned your phone back on this morning, it started pinging with all the messages that had flown in since last night. People were talking about it everywhere: Kim Y/N, highly sought-after bachelorette, had offered Park Sunghoon, notorious rejecter of girls and breaker of hearts, a sandwich and a banana milk, and he had taken them. What’s more, he had been seen at lunch heartily eating them. This was serious.

You didn’t think things could get any worse until you got to school. You were used to random people coming up to you in the hallways or in class for help, except today they weren’t asking for help at all - they were asking what was up between you and Sunghoon, as though handing him a tuna mayo was like asking for his hand in marriage. Most of them were just curious, but some, especially his fanclub members, had an aggressive tone to their voice, which you weren’t used to. If people started liking you less because of Sunghoon, you were going to kill him.

But you had to hold onto that thought, because an all too familiar voice had suddenly called out to you on your way to class. You took a deep breath and turned around, watching him take long strides towards you. You immediately became aware of the amount of people in the hallway and realized you couldn’t talk to him like you had the previous day in front of everybody. You mustered the fakest smile you could and greeted him.

“Hi, Sunghoon. What can I help you with today?”

He smiled, obviously enjoying the fact that you had to be nice to him. “I’ve got my sports bag because of practice later tonight. Mind holding onto that for me for the day?”

Your fake smile turned a bit crazy as your eyes widened in disbelief. "Don’t you have a locker for that, Sunghoon?”

“Yeah, but it’s so much more fun if you’re the one to hold it.” And with that, he threw the bag in your direction, leaving approximately 0.5 seconds to catch it. “I’ll need that later today. Meet me in front of the locker rooms after school, yeah?”

He didn’t bother to wait for your answer and walked away, Jake and Jay following closely behind. Jay sent you a questioning look, to which you could only reply with a shrug. If it wasn’t for all the students in the hallway, you would’ve been yelling Sunghoon’s ear off at that point. Unfortunately, that wasn’t a possibility, so you just smiled to your friends who were looking more confused than ever.

“Let’s just go to class, guys.”

—

Throughout the whole day, you could feel people staring at you, then at the bag you were holding, then starting to whisper among themselves. You tried your best to concentrate in class so you could momentarily stop pondering over what Sunghoon’s evil master plan might be, but everyone seemed bent on making that usually simple feat impossible. When 3:30 p.m. finally came around, you bid your friends goodbye and headed to the boys’ locker room. Every boy walking in eyed you suspiciously, unsure as to what you could be doing there. Of course, Sunghoon had to take his sweet time to get there. 

Staring at the opposite wall and planning Sunghoon’s murder in your head, you hadn’t noticed Jay and Jake arriving. Jay signaled for his friend to go inside the locker room and told him he’d join him in a minute. He waved his hand in front of you to get your attention, a smile on his face. You sighed in relief at the familiar sight of your friend.

“Hey, Jay. Sorry I didn’t see you.”

“You okay, Y/N? You look like you’re about to murder someone,” he said, slightly amused.

“If only you knew,” you mumbled.

He noticed the bag in your hand. “You waiting for Sunghoon?”

“Yeah. If only he could hurry up a little bit. I’ve got stuff to do.”

There was something about Jay that made it impossible to lie to him. Maybe it was the fact that you had known each other for so long, way before you’d turned into what you were now, that made you feel as though showing a side of you that gets annoyed and impatient and doesn’t smile all the time was okay.

Jay looked at his feet before looking back up at you. You were still staring at the wall but your murderous thoughts had somewhat calmed. “Mind telling me what this whole thing with Sunghoon is about?”

You turned to him and were about to fumble for an answer when someone interrupted you. “What whole thing with me?”

Whew. Saved by Sunghoon. You didn’t like that it was thanks to him that you could get out of answering Jay, but at least you didn’t have to come up with yet another stupid excuse.

Jay turned his attention to his friend and stood up straighter. “You know, making her get you lunch or hold your bag all day. There’s dozens of girls who’d be more than happy to do that for you, so why Y/N? She doesn’t have time for this stuff.”

You looked at Jay with surprise. Sure, you were friends, but you hadn’t thought he’d defend you like that in front of Sunghoon.

“Well, Y/N’s just such a nice, reliable person. No one better to ask to do those things.” What a reason, you thought. He turned to you and took the bag from your hands. “Thanks, Y/N. I’ll see you outside in a couple minutes.”

“Huh? What do you mean? I’m leaving,” you said, body already headed towards the other direction.

“What? You can’t leave before practice has even started. Go to the benches outside, we’ll be out in a few.”

You were about to open your mouth to protest, but he cut you off. “You don’t want to?” He started pulling out his phone. “That’s funny, because there’s a pict-”

“I’ll be on the benches! See you soon!” you quickly said, pushing the two boys inside the locker room, Sunghoon smirking, Jay looking at you in utter confusion.

Girls sat in a few different groups in the bleachers. You recognized the girls in one of those groups, so you decided to sit with them. As you approached, they quickly looked at each other and then back at you, expressions half-friendly, half-what-the-hell-are-you-doing-here. 

“Hi guys! Mind if I join?”

“Hi Y/N! No, of course not, come sit,” Jake’s girlfriend, Yujin, said. 

“Are you guys here to watch practice?”

“Yeah! I’m here on girlfriend duties for Jake. These two are just here for the eye candy and to keep me company,” Yujin explained.

“Yeah, but mostly for the eye candy,” added her friend Wonyoung. 

“What about you, Y/N? I’ve never seen you here,” asked the last girl, Gaeul.

“Oh, um, Sunghoon asked me to come, actually.” You regretted your words as soon as you’d let them out. They all ooh-ed at your response, making you blush, which just egged them on. This was nothing to blush about, Y/N. You’d just made the rumors get a hundred times worse with one sentence.

“The whole school’s been talking about you two, you know. Anything you wanna share? Don’t worry, we can keep a secret,” said Wonyoung with a wink. You chuckled awkwardly.

“Oh my gosh, yes, tell us!”

“Guys, don’t make her uncomfortable,” Yujin chimed in, smiling at you. You returned her smile, grateful, once again, that you didn’t have to explain your new link to Sunghoon. “Look, practice is starting.”

You turned your head towards the field as the soccer players started doing laps as per the coach’s instructions. Your eyes immediately drifted towards Sunghoon without you even realizing it. His lean figure hypnotized you. The last time you had had PE with him was in freshman year, and puberty had hit him like a fine, fine truck. You couldn’t take your eyes off of him as he lightly jogged next to his friends, chatting like it was nothing. You weren’t being very subtle with your stare and he eventually noticed you, sending a wink your way. This made you snap out of your reverie and you scowled at him, as if he could make out your annoyed expression from such a distance. You turned back to the girls, who were giggling at you.

“Wow, those were some serious heart eyes you were giving him, Y/N,” Gaeul giggled.

You opened your mouth in mild shock. “Was not!”

“Sure, whatever you say,” she replied knowingly. “Well, look all you want. Warm-up is the best part. It gets boring when they actually start playing.”

“No way! Watching them play is my favorite part,” Yujin disagreed.

“Yeah, that’s cause you’ve got someone to root for,” retorted Wonyoung. She looked at you slyly. “Well, I guess Y/N does, too.”

You scoffed. “Believe me, I will not be rooting for him.”

You started staring at him again, this time with a glare in your eyes. From their silence, you deduced the girls must’ve judged it a better idea to not question you too much. After the boys were done with running exercises and stretching (which you had enjoyed watching a bit too much, if you spoke truthfully), they started playing. The coach split the boys into two teams, Jay leading one and Sunghoon the other. It was a very close game. You could never tell who was leading, although that might have been due to your extensive lack of knowledge in the sport. All you knew was that you desperately wanted to see Sunghoon lose; that might put him down a peg. What you told yourself, however, was that you wanted Jay to win. So when he scored a goal, you surprised the girls next to you, the boys on the field and yourself as you jumped up and down, cheering for him. Realizing what you were doing, you quickly sat down and sent him an awkward thumbs up.

Jay tried to hide it, but he was blushing. Hard. Truth be told, he had noticed your little eye contact moment with Sunghoon during warm-up and hadn’t particularly enjoyed it. So seeing you cheer for him like that made him swell with pride, which only grew when Sunghoon scored and you barely reacted. 

When the game was over, you thought you might be able to finally go home and start studying. But Sunghoon had other plans for you, as always these past couple days. Heading towards the showers, he motioned for you to come down from the benches. As you did, Jay walked past, and you smiled at each other.

“Good game.”

“Thanks, Y/N.” He continued walking as Sunghoon reached you.

“What about me? I scored a goal, too.”

“Oh, did you? Didn’t even notice," you said, looking at your nails. The polish was starting to chip - you’d need to reapply a layer tonight.

“Whatever. Wait for me, yeah?”

“What? No! I gotta go home!” But your protests were in vain, as he completely ignored you. 

You waited outside the school with Yujin, Wonyoung and Gaeul. After a little while, Jake, Jay and Sunghoon joined you guys, having successfully showered and not smelling of sweat and dirt, thank God. Yujin was dropping her boyfriend and her friends off, so they bid their goodbyes and headed towards her car. Sunghoon and Jay also started to walk towards the parking lot, leaving you standing alone, not sure what to do. Sunghoon turned around and looked at you with a frown.

“What are you doing?”

“I don’t know, what are you doing?”

“I’m dropping you and Jay off.”

“Oh,” you mumbled, taken aback. “Didn’t know I was just supposed to guess that.”

As soon as Sunghoon started to drive, you noticed the awkward air between the three of you. Luckily, after years of being a people-pleaser, you had become somewhat of an expert in making small talk, which helped prevent a silent ride. You don’t think you could’ve gone through that without a mental breakdown.

Because you and Sunghoon lived closer to each other (and we all know the consequences of that), Jay was dropped off before you. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow at school,” he said before giving you a last glance.

“Bye, Jay.”

“See you, bro.”

Thankfully, you only lived a couple minutes by car from Jay’s and hoped the rest of the car ride would be peaceful. Which was really stupid of you to hope for, because you were in the car with Park Sunghoon.

“So, Park Jongseong, huh?” he said, eyes trained on the road in front of him. Even though he was trying to keep his tone light, you thought you detected a slight harshness to his gaze.

“What about him?”

“I don’t know, you tell me.”

“There’s nothing to say. We’ve just been friends for a long time.”

It was silent for about five seconds. “You really feasted your eyes during warm-up, huh?”

“Shut up, Park.”

“No, it’s alright, I get it. I’d do the same.” He laughed at his own joke that wasn’t really a joke. Why was he laughing, anyway? 

You looked at him. His face was so different from all those times you’d seen it at school. His eyes, rid of the harshness you’d seen earlier, crinkled at the edges and had an amused glint in them. His smile dug pretty dimples into his cheeks and you let your gaze linger long enough to notice he had sharp, vampire-like canines, which were surprisingly cute. You didn’t know why he was showing you a side of him he never showed anyone, except for his close friends, you assumed. You weren’t sure what overcame you, but you chuckled with him. 

“So, do you already know what task you’re gonna give me tomorrow?” you asked, genuinely curious.

“Hmm, haven’t really thought about it yet. I’d rather keep it a surprise, anyway. Keep you on your toes.”

“Pfft. What a great surprise.” He laughed again, and you couldn’t help but join him. He was unusually giddy that day, but you didn’t want to complain. This was a thousand times better than the arrogant Sunghoon with his I’m-better-than-all-of-you facade. What you didn’t know was that he, too, liked your snarky, no-nonsense side infinitely more than the model student, pretty girl persona you had created for yourself.

Finally at your house, you got out of the car and headed to your house after waving goodbye to Sunghoon. He rolled his window down and leaned out of it.

“Y/N?”

You turned around. “Yeah?”

“About your task tomorrow…”

“…Yeah?”

“I’m sure you’ll love it.” He gave you an umpteenth wink, rolled his window back up and drove off.

You weren’t so awful to your parents and siblings that evening.

—

The next day at school, you were wondering why Sunghoon had said you would love your task. Because you were, in fact, quite loathing it. He had found you studying during your free period after lunch and dragged you to the part of the library where it was okay to talk a bit over whisper level. You were currently going over a scene in The Tempest which you had seen in AP English Lit last year and clearly had no time for. But obviously, that wasn’t a problem to Sunghoon, who just wanted to get a passing grade on his English essay without putting in too much effort. 

After twenty minutes of going over the same five lines, you were about to give up. “Look, Sunghoon, I don’t mind helping you. I’ve tutored dozens of students before so I’m used to it. But you’re not making any effort! If you want to get it, you need to at least try.”

“But it’s so boring,” he whined, not unlike a child. “How am I supposed to find any meaning in this? It’s just stupid people doing stupid stuff on a stupid island.” You cringed at his words and hoped Shakespeare wasn’t listening in on this conversation. 

“It’s not stupid. It’s about power, and being punished for chasing it, and it’s a metaphor fo-”

“Ugh!” he groaned loudly. “You know what, I don’t care enough about this. Just write the essay for me, okay?” He got up and left, again not waiting for your answer. You wanted to protest, but you know what would happen if you said no to any of his requests, so you just quickly got to work.

Everyday over the next couple of weeks, Sunghoon would find something for you to do. Most days, he’d just get you to buy him lunch (although he thankfully had started paying you back) or carry his stuff around like the first two times. He didn’t ask you again to tutor him, however, so you had gotten used to sitting in an empty class together after class, you doing his homework for him and attempting (and failing) to explain it to him, and him alternating between playing on his phone and looking at you. Although it’d flustered you at first, not used to having someone stare at you while you were trying to concentrate, you’d grown somewhat okay with it - all of your complaints were ignored anyway. One time, he even got you to work on his science project with him, a weirdly-shaped volcano he needed to paint and decorate before actually putting the chemicals in. You’d be lying if you said it hadn’t been fun painting it together, occasionally ‘accidentally’ getting paint on the other’s hand or cheek instead of the volcano. 

You went to see him at practice two to three times a week, although you weren’t sure what use that had for him. If anything, you were probably the one who enjoyed yourself more. Perhaps, after being forced to spend so much time with him, you had started to soften up to him. And, perhaps, that made you appreciate his good looks even more. You couldn’t deny the effect his damp hair, stuck to his forehead with sweat, had on you. 

The rumors hadn’t died down, but people had started getting used to seeing the two of you together around, so they didn’t ogle their eyes at you everytime you and Sunghoon had some kind of interaction. Not liking that you couldn’t control people’s opinion of you anymore, you were still a bit bothered by them, but Sunghoon’s little posse of fangirls didn’t seem to be. They’d been the one to question you the most, and you got a few nasty looks in the hallway, but the gossip around school hadn’t stopped them from keeping on following him around, harassing him from morning to afternoon by going to his homeroom at breaks, sitting at a table near him at lunch, and going to see him at practice. Their group had dwindled down, though; most likely, some of them thought you two might be dating and had finally realized they didn’t stand a chance with the one and only Park Sunghoon. Thank God you had your friends and now sometimes Yujin, Wonyoung and Gaeul around you during those times, otherwise, you’d probably have been jumped. Spending so much time with him had kept you a couple times from your friends, which they’d complained about, but sensing that they couldn’t do much about it, they let you be, even though they hadn’t gotten a satisfactory explanation yet.

One person who didn’t want to, or rather couldn’t let it go, though, was Jay. He still couldn’t figure out why you’d started spending so much time with Sunghoon, seemingly overnight, and it created an unpleasant, sour pit in his stomach. Out of all the people you could’ve decided to form a new friendship with, why’d it have to be his best friend, meaning he saw you more often now than before, but not because he was the one you had come to see? Why did you never get him banana milk for lunch, and why’d you only start coming to soccer practice because Sunghoon had asked you to? He’d tried to ask both of you about it, but you always gave him half-assed excuses that didn’t make much sense. 

He realized what he was feeling was jealousy the day you came into their homeroom before the first bell rang and asked Sunghoon how his science project had gone. You’d never asked him how his science project, or any of his projects or tests, for that matter, had gone. He recognized it as the same feeling he had harbored when he had come back from the US in middle school and saw you dating Choi Soobin, or when Lee Heeseung had joined your tight-knit group of friends in freshman year. You and Soobin had only dated for three weeks and a half because you had a relationship-terminating argument over mint chocolate ice cream, and you and Heeseung had never become more than friends, nor had the intention to. But Jay didn’t care about that; all he saw was that there were boys around you that weren’t him. He had never acted upon those feelings, dismissing them as over-protectiveness for someone he had known since forever, but seeing Sunghoon and you laughing together hit too close to home. He couldn’t ignore how he felt because he was reminded of it everyday, but he didn’t know what to do with these newfound emotions.

And what’s the best thing to do whenever you don’t know what to do? Talk to your friends. Or well, in this case, your friend. He didn’t wanna talk about you to Sunghoon. He was a firm believer of bro code, but he didn’t wanna bottle up his feelings like he had all these years. So he went to Jake and told him everything, from your childhood friendship to Soobin, Heeseung and now Sunghoon.

“I know it’s stupid. It’s this whole cliché of, you only realize what you have when you lose it.”

“Well, you haven’t really lost Y/N, you know. It’s not like Sunghoon and her are dating.”

“I guess not, but he clearly likes her. It’d be a dick move to go after her now that they’ve got something going on.”

Jake hesitated for a second, debating whether he should say what he was thinking, but ultimately deciding it might be better to do it. “You know, I’m not sure that he does. You know what Sunghoon’s like. He’s never very honest about his intentions. I don’t wanna bring the subject up with him, cause I don’t wanna cause any drama, but it’s so suspicious to me that he’s suddenly spending time with Y/N when he’s never mentioned her all those years and when he rejects all these girls all the time.”

“I think it’s weird, too,” agreed Jay. “I just can’t seem to figure it out. And I’m a bit scared for Y/N, to be honest. Remember that girl in freshman year? They’d gotten along really well when he suddenly dropped her. I still remember his cold-ass stare when he turned her down. It even chilled me, man.”

“God, yeah, I always forget about that. He may be a jackass to all those girls, but when you know what he’s really like like we do, it seems so unlikely that he’d do something like that.”

Jay sighed and looked out into the distance. “I just hope he doesn’t hurt Y/N.”

Jake looked at his friend, thinking how to phrase his next sentence. “Like I said, I don’t wanna cause any drama… but, man, if you don’t want him to hurt Y/N, just don’t let him. If you make a move on her, you might get to her before he does. Better to do that now than to have to pick up the pieces, don’t you think?”

Jay mentally thanked the heavens for gifting him with a friend like Sim Jaeyun. “Yes, that is much, much better.”

He was going to stop sitting on his feelings and finally let them see the light.

—

But before that, Sunghoon had another one of his requests for you. You were sitting together in an empty classroom after school as you often did these past weeks. For you, today was an ordinary day, but the boy in front of you had something else in mind. He wasn’t saying anything but you could feel his nervousness and it was starting to make you feel anxious as well.

You lifted your head from your notes and looked at Sunghoon who seemed lost in his thoughts. “What is it, Sunghoon?”

This made him snap out of his reverie. “Um, nothing.”

“Well, seeing how you’ve been tapping your foot at the speed of lightning ever since we got here, it doesn’t seem like nothing.” You crossed your arms over the table and looked at him more intently, eyes asking him to tell you what was on his mind.

He sighed, giving in. “I was just thinking… there’s something I wanna tell you.”

“Go on. “

“I need you to date me.”

Your breath caught in your throat. Park Sunghoon… needed you… to date him? Was he asking you out? The way he’d worded it was a bit odd, but you didn’t put it past him.

Taking in your silence and wide eyes, he quickly added: “Not in that way! I, um, need you to be my fake girlfriend.”

Oh.

So he wasn’t asking you out. You weren’t sure why that made you so upset, but you tried to keep the disappointment out of your eyes and voice.

“Right,” you said, tone a bit harsher than you’d meant it to, “and why would I do that?”

Sunghoon smirked lightly. “Well, first of all, you don’t have much of a choice.” You rolled your eyes at that. It’d been a few days since the reason why you had started hanging out in the first place had come up, and you didn’t like to be reminded of that god-forsaken picture. 

“And second of all… I guess I should be completely honest with you.” This piqued your interest, and you leaned back on your chair to listen to him. 

“When I saw you at the store and took pictures of you, I wasn’t really thinking of doing anything. Maybe just get a laugh or two and tease you about it. I even told you outside the store that I didn’t know what I was gonna do. To be honest, I didn’t really think there was anything you could do for me that I’d need to force you to do. So I thought about it all night. And I asked myself, what’s the thing that pisses me off the most at school that you could change?” he looked at you expectantly, as if you could figure it out. You just shrugged.

“It’s those girls that keep following me around. All these years, I’ve acted like a giant asshole with them and still they think they have a crush on me or whatever. And I’ve never liked any of them, they’re all so superficial and ask me out without having ever talked to me before. So I thought, hey, maybe if I have a girlfriend, they’ll leave me alone. Which is why I made you do all those things for me.”

“So that they’d think we were dating?” you asked, trying to take all this information in. You’d sort of known it this entire time, but Sunghoon blatantly admitting he’d been using you hurt nonetheless.

“Yeah. But obviously, you always denied the rumors, so it hasn’t worked as well as I thought it would. It still did a bit though. So I think, if we take it the next step, and actually pretend we’re dating, it should really work. But I need your full cooperation on this, okay?” He looked at you, hopeful eyes and hands in prayer.

You sighed. As he said, it wasn’t like you had much of a choice.

“Please, Y/N? I really want them off my back.”

“Fine, Park, I’ll do it. But this better be the last thing you make me do.” You couldn’t help but sound cold. This made you rethink these past few weeks’ events. Were you the only one actually enjoying spending time together?

“Thanks, Y/N. And yeah, of course. You won’t have to carry my bag or get my lunch anymore if you want. Maybe it’ll be more believable if I do that for you.”

You had focused your attention back to your homework, wanting this conversation to be over as soon as possible.

“I’ll also pick you up in the morning, so you don’t need to take the bus.”

You hummed in response.

“Um, and I’ll also drop you off after school and after practice…” Sunghoon trailed, troubled by your silence. You hadn’t been so cold since the first couple times you two had talked, and he hated the idea that that might be because of what he had just said. So he took a chance.

“You know, Y/N, this doesn’t change anything. I wouldn’t have made you do all those things if I didn’t like spending time with you. You’re really nice to be around,” he admitted shyly.

You were far too flustered to lift your head and let him see your face. You just grinned and murmured, “Whatever, Park.”

—

Sunghoon kept his promise and picked you up in the morning. He called you at exactly 7:55 a.m., saying he was waiting outside and you rushed out of your house, piece of toast still in your mouth. In the car, you two went over what being in a fake relationship would involve.

“We just need to be seen around together, right?” you proposed, hoping your lack of experience wasn’t showing.

Thankfully, Sunghoon had no idea what being in a relationship, fake or not, entailed either. “Yeah, I think. And maybe…” he hesitated. 

“Maybe?” you prodded, hoping he wouldn’t (or actually would, but you’d never admit it) say what you thought he was about to say.

“I don’t know, like, hold hands, and… kiss.” The last part had barely been audible, but you’d still heard it.

“Kiss?” you echoed, voice almost a shriek. “I don’t think we need to go that far, Sunghoon.” A little voice in your head was saying that you’d really like to go that far but you made it shut up.

He was blushing profusely but didn’t want to drop the subject there. “At least on the cheek, or something. We do have to make it believable.”

And there it was. The little sentence, reminding you none of this was real. Seemed like that was a pattern in your life.

You looked out the window. Sunghoon glanced over at you, cursing himself for always saying the wrong thing. He was trying so hard to drown his blooming feelings for you that he kept on hurting you in the process. This whole fake-dating plan was the perfect excuse for him to spend more time with you without having to come to terms with his feelings. 

“C’mon, Y/N, it’ll be fun. Promise.” He nudged your arm playfully, making you look at him. His smile was contagious; you could never help yourself but start grinning when you saw his face light up like that. Maybe he’s right, you thought. Maybe this won’t be so bad after all.

When you arrived at school, Sunghoon told you to wait for a second. He got out of the car and quickly walked around to your side, opening the door for you. You hated how your heart fluttered at the sweet gesture, reminding yourself it was just for show. The important part was that it fooled everyone else, and it did - as you took Sunghoon’s hand, letting him help you out of the car, and walked with him hand in hand towards the school gates, you could feel all eyes on you. You could hear whispers of see, I told you they were dating! and defeated no ways. 

You realized you didn’t care about what anybody might be seeing, which was a first for you. You’d always made sure everybody saw you exactly the way you wanted to see them. As he was the most popular guy in school, dating Park Sunghoon at once helped your reputation and put you on many girls’ bad side. But holding his hand, you felt as though there was some kind of barrier protecting you. You’d never felt so exposed and so safe at the same time.

You noticed Jay standing next to the gates, looking particularly antsy. He’d texted you that morning, saying there was something he wanted to tell you. Usually, you’d have stayed up, overthinking what that could be, but what with today being the day you’d announce yourself to the world (your school) as Park Sunghoon’s (fake) girlfriend, you had had other things to worry about. You gestured at Sunghoon towards Jay. Your friend only saw you when you were calling his name, standing right in front of him.

“Oh, hi, Y/N! I-” 

He immediately cut himself off when he saw yours and Sunghoon’s interlaced fingers. Embarrassed, you took your hand out of your fake boyfriend’s, opting for holding onto his pinky instead, not realizing that it was a much cuter action that made one boy’s heart flutter and the other’s fill up with sadness.

“There was something you wanted to tell me?” you asked with a small smile.

“Uh- yeah, but it’s not important, actually. We can talk about it later.”

“Oh, you sure?”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it.” He returned your smile, hoping to make the situation less awkward. It was very obvious he didn’t want to say whatever it was he needed to tell you in front of Sunghoon, which you had both understood.

Sunghoon spoke up. “Right, well I’ll see you in class, Jay. Y/N, I’ll walk you to yours.” And with that, he started walking, holding his friend’s gaze for a few steps. You turned back to look at Jay for a split second, trying to decipher what had just happened, but Sunghoon grabbed you by the waist, making you look up at him in surprise, and breaking Jay’s heart even further.

—

Once Sunghoon and you got to your class, you felt as though you were in one of those movies where the boy drops the girl off at her house after their first date. Except that this was in a crowded school hallway two minutes before the first bell rang. What you had in common with that girl from the movie, however, was that you were freaking out over what your boy was going to do next. In the car, you’d ended up agreeing to a kiss on the cheek, but you hadn’t realized it would be happening so soon.

As you two hovered around your classroom’s door, you looked at each other and giggled. Damn, you were selling this well. So well that if you could have ascended out of your body and looked at the scene as a third party, you’d probably have barfed all over yourself. 

You were still holding his pinky. You could tell he was too hesitant to do anything now that you had reached the classroom, and so you mustered all of your courage, stood on your tippy toes and softly pressed your lips to his cheeks. (You were pretty sure you’d heard gasps around you.) Your courage went as fast as it came, and as realization hit you, you quickly squeaked “bye, Sunghoon” and practically ran to your seat. The boy stood there for another second or two, hand going to his cheek where you had just kissed him. He walked happily to his own classroom, completely oblivious to the stares he was receiving.

Heeseung, Jiung and Sieun were looking at you in disbelief as you approached them. Sumin, on the other hand, looked like she had paid no attention whatsoever to the scene.

“Y/N,” Sieun teased in a sing-song voice. “Care to explain what just happened?”

“Don’t tell me you’ve actually managed to make the oh-so-great Park Sunghoon fall for you?” Jiung asked jokingly. 

You looked down in an attempt to hide your grin. You usually did that sort of stuff to appear humble when someone complimented you, but this time it was completely genuine. The mere thought of Sunghoon made you all giddy inside. “Um, yeah, he actually asked me to be his girlfriend last night.”

Your three friends gasped dramatically and Sieun pulled you into a hug, as if you’d just received an award of some kind. Heeseung and Jiung patted your shoulders, congratulating you.

“Sumin? Did you know about this?” Sieun enquired, turning to your friend.

“What? Oh, yeah, Y/N called me last night,” she answered, briefly looking at you before turning back to her phone. Sieun looked at you, surprised, not understanding Sumin’s reaction to what seemed like happy news.

You had indeed called Sumin the previous night, and the call had gone similarly to the way she was behaving this morning. Although you usually told her everything, this time, you didn’t want to share the fact that you and Sunghoon were only fake dating. You found yourself actually wanting it to be true - and you thought it’d be easier to believe it yourself if everyone, including your best friend, did too.

“Minie! I’ve got some news,” you’d said as soon as she picked out.

“Ooh! Hit me,” she’d replied with as much excitement in her voice as you.

“So…” you’d started, already giggling. “Sunghoon’s just asked me out. I haven’t told anyone else, I wanted you to be the first to know.”

There was silence on the other end of the line. After a while, you added, “Minie, you still there?”

“Huh? Yeah, um, that’s nice, Y/N, I’m happy for you,” she said, not sounding happy at all. There was no trace of excitement left in her voice.

“Yeah, thanks,” you replied, voice ten times smaller than a minute ago.

“I’m sorry Y/N, but I’ve got to go, my parents are calling me. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She hung up suddenly, giving you no time to say bye in return. You were completely confused. Was Sumin bothered by you and Sunghoon dating? Other than a reminder about his past behavior, she hadn’t said anything when you two were getting closer. So what was wrong? You’d hoped you’d find out the next day at school, but the way she was acting didn’t help at all.

You snapped out of your flashback when Heeseung nudged you, faking a pout. “Not fair! Why did she get to know before we did?”

You forced a smile and said you’d known you’d see them the next day and thought it was better to tell them in person, and that you had just wanted to rant to someone quickly. Your teacher came in as the bell rang and everyone went to their seat. During class, you tried getting her attention so you could ask her if she was okay but she kept her attention on the teacher the whole time. 

After that, as time went by, you kept up your charade of being the perfect student as usual, adding to that of being the perfect girlfriend to Sunghoon. Time with him passed by so quickly: you hadn’t realized you were more than halfway through the semester until you needed to wear a thicker jacket outside and the leaves had started falling, covering school grounds in shades of brown. The plan had worked: he was finally left alone by his admirers. Sumin had stopped being weird after a few days, saying she had had some problems with her parents but hadn’t gone into more detail. Everything was as great as it had ever been: good grades, good friends and a good boyfriend. Well, fake boyfriend, which you needed to remind yourself a bit too often, on the days Sunghoon didn’t do it himself. You felt a pinch in your heart every time he said something like, “there’s my fake girlfriend!” when it was just the two of you, or “great job today, Y/N” after dropping you off.

One day as you arrived home, Yeeun was waiting outside your house, trying to catch you red-handed. She dragged him inside by the arm and you panicked, not wanting him to see how you lived. But your messy room and invasive siblings didn’t scare him off at all; on the contrary, he smiled one of the biggest smiles you’d ever seen on him, canines and dimples on display. Your mom made him stay over for dinner and it was probably the happiest dinner you’d ever had. The idea of bringing someone home and having them see your habits and odd family dynamics had terrified you for the longest time, but you felt so comfortable around Sunghoon that it felt as if he was part of your home as soon as he’d stepped foot inside. You didn’t feel the need to hide anything from him.

After dinner, he helped your parents clear up the table and even washed the dishes, even though they kept insisting he didn’t have to do anything. He had completely won them over. They sat at the table and watched you two laugh together in the kitchen. They looked at each other, knowing they were thinking the exact same thing: their daughter hadn’t looked this happy in a while.

When you were done cleaning up, you two headed to your room under the pretense of needing to study. 

“Alright, but keep the door open!” your mom had yelled after you, making you groan and Sunghoon’s face turn crimson red.

You really had planned on studying - there was a big test coming up and you couldn’t afford to get a bad grade. When you got your physics textbook out, Sunghoon groaned in protest.

“What? You seriously want to study right now?”

You sighed. “I don’t necessarily want to, no, but I need to. And so do you, may I add.”

“We’re not even in the same physics class!”

“Yeah, but we both have Mr. Cho, so I know you’re gonna have a test as well.”

He rolled his eyes and dramatically flung himself on your bed. “Fine.”

When he didn’t move for a few minutes, you guessed what he had meant was that he’d let you study but wasn’t going to do it himself. But after ten minutes, he suddenly got up. “I’m bored to death, Y/N. The test isn’t in another week. Show me what you do for fun,” he said, on the verge of desperation. It had only been ten minutes, but you felt bad having him over and not entertaining him.

“Well, I do have a Switch…” Sunghoon’s eyes widened in awe. “I guess we can play Mario Kart.”

He almost squealed in joy at that. You just chuckled at him, not knowing he was such a fan of car video games. 

“I’m gonna crush you, Kim. Get ready,” he said, already looking victorious.

You smirked, not wanting him to get his hopes up. “Oh, it’s on, Park.”

As expected of a pro player like you (on non-schooldays, you could stay up all night playing this game), you won every single round. Sure, he gave you a run for your money, but you always came on top. He took it surprisingly well, congratulating you each time. After your fourth win in a row, you wiggled your face in front of his with a devilish smile, as you couldn’t help but torment him a little. But he wasn’t smiling. At first, you’d thought he was finally getting mad he kept on losing; but then the proximity between you two hit you. You noticed his eyes flicker momentarily to your lips and had backed off immediately.

“Um, if we go for another round, I’ll go easy on-”

He cut you off by putting his hand on your cheek, making you turn to look at him. You’d daydreamed about this moment before, but you hadn’t imagined your heart beating this fast or the butterflies eating away at your stomach. He was now fully staring at your lips, and you couldn’t look at anything else but his either. Too scared to move an inch, you felt him get closer and closer, so close that his lips were almost on-

“Y/N, mom says it’s late and Sunghoon needs to- AH!”

Sunoo had walked in, eyes riveted on his phone until he looked up and saw you and Sunghoon suspiciously close to each other. Sunghoon practically leaped off of your bed in surprise and you flung a pillow over your face, not believing you had almost kissed Park Sunghoon but that your stupid little brother had ruined everything.

“Sorry! I’m sorry!” the culprit squeaked before running away. You and Sunghoon looked at each other. It was awkward for two seconds, then you both erupted in laughter. 

“Alright, guess I should get going then. Um, thank you so much for tonight. I haven’t had a family dinner in a while, and… Well, it was really nice,” he admitted shyly after you’d calmed down.

“Of course, Sunghoon. I’m sure my parents would love to have you over any time.”

You walked him to your front door, where you exchanged goodbyes and I’ll see you tomorrows. You watched him take a few steps, then turn back and jog towards you. He stood in front of you for a second, then leaned down and placed a kiss on your forehead.

“Bye, Y/N.”

You were too stunned to say it back.

—

After the almost-kiss, it felt as though something had changed between you and Sunghoon. The event had somewhat revealed your feelings: you both knew you wanted to kiss each other. But since those feelings hadn’t been acted upon, the transition from fake-dating to real dating couldn’t happen as smoothly. Well, it could, if you two stopped acting like idiots and told each other how you felt. But the author wanted to get a couple more thousand words in, so it had to wait.

You’d gotten used to Sunghoon’s little requests at school, but you definitely hadn’t anticipated a phone call at past 11pm on a Wednesday night. 

“Sunghoon? Why are you calling me so late?” you asked, groggy voice because of sleep. Since you woke up so early to get ready in the morning, you always went to bed around 9:30 to 10 p.m. Sunghoon was making you lose precious minutes of slumber.

“Late? It’s barely midnight, Y/N.” You groaned. “Whatever, put on some clothes and come outside! I’m waiting for you.”

“You’re what?” you whisper-screamed, suddenly feeling very awake.

“I’m waiting for you! Hurry up!” 

As always, he hung up without waiting for your reply. You couldn’t really turn him down anyway; although you were somewhat obligated, you had stopped seeing it that way and started doing things for him out of your own volition. 

Not wanting to get out of your pajamas, you just threw on a warm sweater, a scarf, some socks, and headed down the hallway on your tiptoes. Your parents weren’t the strictest out there, but you still didn’t wanna get caught sneaking out, and with a boy, at that. After putting on your shoes, you left your house, closing the door behind you as quietly as you could.

The late October night was a bit chilly, but you had wrapped up warm enough. Sunghoon was indeed waiting for you outside, wearing a denim jacket over his gray sweatshirt and matching sweatpants. 

God, he looked good.

“Finally! Took you long enough.”

“Quit it, Sunghoon. Just tell me why you wanted to see me.”

“There’s a place I wanna show you. Come on,” he said, taking you by the hand. You felt tingles in your palm and fingers wherever his hand touched yours. How could something feel so natural yet make your heart race so at the same time?

“Are we walking there?” you asked.

“Yep, it’s not too far. We’ll be there in five minutes.”

Those five minutes felt like five seconds walking with Sunghoon. You chatted and joked around the whole way, not letting go of each other’s hand. You hadn’t even noticed you had reached your destination until he stopped walking.

“Here we are,” he said, facing the building, which made you turn in the direction he was looking.

“The ice rink? What are we doing here?” you asked, confused. It was 11:30 pm; surely, the rink would be closed.

“You’ll see!” he said, heading towards the entrance. To your surprise, he pulled out a key from his pockets and opened the doors.

“What? Sunghoon! How do you have a key to the ice rink?”

“I’m chummy with the janitor. I just need to let him know when I’ll be coming and he doesn’t tell anyone,” he replied, an easy smile on his face, as if this was the most normal thing in the world. He led you first to the shoe rack, helping you find skates your size, and then to the benches next to the rink’s entrance. He knelt in front of you and helped you put on your shoes, doing the laces for you. 

He looked up at you, a glint in his eyes. “I’ve never taken anyone here, Y/N. I know your secret, so I thought I’d show you mine.”

You didn’t know what to say, surprised at the sudden confession, so you just looked at him curiously as he took ice skates from his backpack and laced them up.

He stood up, turned to you and said, “Ready?”

You followed him to the doors leading to the ice. He stepped inside without a trace of hesitation, but you were much more doubtful about your ability to stand on the ice without falling instantly. He turned around and saw you looking helpless. He took your hand in his, helping you step onto the rink. 

“Don’t worry, Y/N. As long as I’ve got you, you won’t fall.”

“Don’t let go of my hand, then,” you said pointedly.

Too focused on not slipping, you didn’t see his smile. “I wasn’t planning to.”

He helped you get your footing, skating backwards in front of you and holding both of your hands. After a few minutes on the ice, you got brave enough to skate on your own, and you miraculously managed to stay on your feet. However, after a while, your bravery turned to hubris, and you dared attempt a spin, resulting in you miserably falling on the ice, butt first. Sunghoon was worried for a second until he saw you laughing uncontrollably. You looked at him, wide-eyed, and said, “This is so much fun, Hoon.” You were so exhilarated that you hadn’t noticed the nickname slipping from your lips but the boy’s cheeks and ears turned redder than the bruise you had surely just earned yourself. Thankfully, if you commented on it, he could just blame it on the cold. 

He helped you up, and you skated on as if nothing had happened. This went on for another thirty minutes, you skating hand in hand and occasionally falling together (but most of the time, just you falling on your own). Sunghoon had been so nervous before bringing you here; he was scared you’d think his hobby was unmanly or lame, as he’d been made to feel. But seeing you have the time of your life, all his worries dissipated. This place was like a second home to him, and bringing someone into your home was always nerve-wracking, but he thought you fit perfectly in it. 

When you told him you were getting tired and wanted to sit for a while, you skated back together to the benches and he gave you some water from his bag. You sat in silence for a while, waiting for your breathing to come back to a normal pace. 

You broke the silence first. “So, why’d you take me here? Not that I’m complaining.”

He hesitated a second before speaking. "I used to come here all the time as a kid.” He didn’t look at you when he answered, keeping his gaze on his hands. “My mom would take me. She left us for another man the summer before middle school started. She left me alone with my asshole father.”

You let out a small gasp, not expecting such a confession. You placed your hand on his back for comfort and said, “I’m sorry, Sunghoon.”

He quickly glanced at you, a half-smile on his face. “Don’t be. Anyways, he had to somewhat start taking care of me now that my mom wasn’t there to do it.” He chuckled darkly. “I guess his idea of taking care of his son was forbidding him from doing the one thing he loved. He thought it was a stupid sport for a boy. He stopped all of my lessons and made me sign up for soccer, even though I hadn’t ever said I wanted to do that. I still came here from time to time, but I didn’t wanna risk getting caught. God knows what he’d have done if he saw me here.”

You weren’t sure what to say. You felt as if no words would be enough to express how his story made you feel. “I- it’s awful, what he did to you. No parent should ever make their child feel as though their passion isn’t worth it. If it’s any comfort, even though you were mostly helping me, I thought you looked ten times better on that rink than scoring any goal. And that’s saying something.”

He finally looked at you and grinned. “Thanks, Y/N.” He seemed to be thinking for a few seconds, and then continued: “I’ve had a lot of time to think about it, and I think that’s why it’s hard for me to open up to people and make lots of friends. I only trust Jake because I’ve known him forever and I can’t really get rid of him now,” he said with a chuckle, “and Jay, well, Jake took to him instantly in middle school so I guess I didn’t have a choice there either, and he’s not so bad anyway. The more people I let in, the more likely I am to get hurt. It’s much easier pretending I don’t wanna have anything to do with anyone than try. 

“I guess it’s also why I talked to you on that day. Sure, I ended up thinking you could help me with all those girls. But at first, when I saw someone like you, who looks like they have it all together, who’s actually the opposite in real life - no offense - it reminded me of myself. And I thought, maybe she’d understand. Which is why it was so easy to be myself around you.”

You took his hand in yours and pressed it slightly. “I’m glad you were.” You didn’t feel the need to say anything else, hoping it was enough.

“Now, your turn. What made you the person you are today?” he asked with a grin, trying to approach lightheartedly this heavy subject, which you appreciated.

“It’s all about making people think you’re someone else, isn’t it? Because, depending on who you are, they’ll treat you differently. I found that out as a kid, because I, too, have a tragic childhood backstory.” He gasped jokingly.

“It’s not as bad as yours, so sorry about that. Back in primary school, I already had this… attitude that I have today. I had quite the ego, and I didn’t want anyone doing better than me at school. I didn’t care about how I looked, if I was the prettiest girl in class or had the cutest shoes. I was the smarty-pants of the class, basically, and a lot of the kids teased me for that. But I also didn’t let myself get trampled over, and fought back, quite aggressively at that, so I was somehow the nerd and the troublemaker at the same time. I didn’t have the best reputation, but I did have a friend. Jay. Or Jongseong, at the time, before he got too cool for his real name,” you joked. “The thing is, I didn’t see him as a friend. Sure, I was only eight or nine, but I really liked him. And the day I was planning on confessing, I saw him hold hands with the prettiest girl in our class. So I never told him, and then he left for the US a few months later.

“During the time he was gone, I had a complete makeover and actually started caring about my appearance, especially when middle school started. So now I had academic validation from teachers, which I had craved since forever, and both female and male validation from all the girls telling me how pretty I was and all the guys liking me. The people who were in my primary school and went to the same middle school told them how I used to be, but nobody believed them, and if they did, they didn’t care, so everybody just gradually forgot about it. And I just got addicted to the validation, which is why I always studied harder and tried to be prettier, even when it turned into a complete lie. I thought that if I could make everyone believe I was perfect, then it didn’t matter what I was like in real life, so at home, I just let myself completely go. And even now that I’m aware of all of this, I still can’t stop.”

Sunghoon looked at you like you had just slapped him. “So, you used to have a crush on Jay?”

You looked at him in exasperation. “Seriously, Hoon? That’s what you get from everything I just told you?”

He smiled shyly. “Sorry. Thank you for telling me.” You sat there in comfortable silence for another few minutes, still hand in hand. Then, Sunghoon got up, grin on his face.

“Wanna see something cool?” You nodded at him, returning his grin. He headed back inside the rink.

You thought he was gonna show off by doing some fancy trick. But he started gliding on the ice, and you couldn’t believe what you were seeing. He took long strides that looked as natural to him as walking. He spinned one, two, three times, and continued skating as though it was nothing. You were completely mesmerized. You already thought he was out-of-this-world beautiful, but his beauty was brought to another level when he skated. His elegant moves rendered you breathless. When he skated back towards you, you were looking at him with only awe and admiration in your eyes. 

After what he’d told you and what he’d just shown you, you couldn't help but get a little emotional. You engulfed him in a hug as soon as he’d stepped out of the rink, your arms around his neck and his naturally coming to your waist. Your hands came up to his cheeks as you leaned back to properly look at him.

“That was- wow. That was amazing, Sunghoon. Thank you for showing me.” You could see the gratefulness in his eyes. There was something else there, and whatever it was, you knew you were looking back at him with as much of it. It was only you two in the building, but it might as well have been the two of you in the whole world. 

All too similarly as in your room, his gaze went from your eyes to your lips, and you couldn’t help but mirror that. This was the perfect moment. You inched your face closer, letting him close the gap between you. Your lips touched and it was as if everything fell into place. The kiss was shy at first, neither of you sure what to do, your mouths moving at a slow but steady pace. But as your hands traveled from his cheeks, to his jaw and down to his neck, and you felt him sigh in the kiss, something unclicked in you, making you want more. You deepened the kiss, and he returned it with just as much force. Your right hand came to grab at the nape of his hair and his hands gripped your waist tighter. After minutes or hours, you broke the kiss in need of some air. Your eyes met again and you smiled at him, relieved it had finally happened. 

You thought he’d have a similar reaction, but he suddenly looked panicked. Realization hit him like a truck. He liked you. Far too much. And even if the kiss and these past weeks told him you might like him back, it scared him. He’d unlocked his heart for you but couldn’t let you keep the key. Otherwise, he’d let you open it more and more and more until there he was completely bare in front of you, and you decided you didn’t like what you’d found and left him. Just like his mom did. Just like everyone eventually does. Just like his dad never even tried.

He took a step back. His panic was rubbing off on you. You called out his name, but he quickly got his bag and said, “Sorry, Y/N, I have to go. I’ll um- I’ll see you.” He took a few steps, turned around, and said, “I think you should take the bus tomorrow morning. Sorry.”

He started walking away. A few steps before he’d be out of your view, he turned back around. He hated the look on your face, how sad, confused and helpless it was all at once. Above all, he hated that he was the reason behind it. But he told himself it was better to leave you now than be left in a few months when you got bored of him, and started walking again without another word.

—

You walked home alone. It was a dark November night, and you were shivering from the cold and from sadness. Try as hard as you might, you couldn’t figure out why Sunghoon had reacted like that. The past month had gone so well, you were only getting closer and more comfortable with each other. The only logical conclusion you could come to was that kissing you had made him realize he didn’t like you. Thankfully, you didn’t live too far from the ice rink and you got home in five minutes. Lost in your thoughts, you couldn’t even be bothered to be quiet closing the front door and walking to your room, and you woke Sunoo up.

At first, he looked like he was about to scold you for making so much noise; but upon seeing your disheveled state, he started worrying. 

“Y/N? What’s wrong, why are you only coming home now? Where were you?”

You couldn’t hold it in any longer. You fell in your brother’s arms and started crying your heart out.

He held you for a little while, but not wanting to wake the others up by staying in the hallway, he said, “Come on, let’s get you in your room. You’re freezing.”

He left for a few minutes and came back with two cups of tea in his hands. He joined you on your bed. You had calmed down a bit and took a sip of the tea, already feeling warmer.

“So, tell me everything.”

And you did. Not just about what had happened at the ice rink, but everything before that: how yours and Sunghoon’s relationship was fake, which you hadn’t even told your siblings, but that it hadn’t kept you from falling for him, and how you really thought he felt the same way. When you got to the part where you told each other about your stories, Sunoo grabbed your arm in surprise, and said, “I can’t believe you told someone about that. Good for you, big sis.”

You sat in silence after a few minutes when you’d finished telling him everything, you, still reflecting on your evening, and him, trying to think of something good to say. He took a deep breath, and started: “You know, this might be completely useless, but I feel like there’s no point trying to figure out why he did that. We’re not mind readers, and assuming things will just go wrong. I think the best thing to do is just ask him tomorrow, or whenever you’re ready to face him, really.”

You looked at your brother fondly. “How can you be so stupid sometimes, yet so wise right now?”

Sunoo and you talked for another minute, but when you yawned for a good seven straight seconds, you both agreed it was time for bed. Before you fell asleep, you told yourself that tomorrow morning, you’d find Sunghoon and make him be clear with you. You at least deserved that.

—

Heeseung and Sumin were clearly surprised to see you the next morning in the bus, but you told them you didn’t want to talk about it and they didn’t push, although it very obviously had something to do with Sunghoon. As you rode the bus and psyched yourself for your conversation with him, you had no idea he was currently in the midst of a heated argument with Jay. The latter pushed him with force, making Sunghoon’s back hit the classroom wall behind him.

“What the fuck did you just say about Y/N?” Jay asked, venom in his voice and fury in his eyes.

Despite the pain, Sunghoon smirked, wanting to rile up his friend even more. “I said, Y/N’s just as stupid as all the other girls. She probably thinks she’s so much better than everybody, but in the end it was so easy making her fall for me. It was almost boring, really, how easy she was.”

Jay pushed him again. “Don’t fucking talk about her like that.”

“Aw, little Jay is getting upset over his little Y/N? You sad that the girl you like actually likes an asshole like me?”

Jay hadn’t had many reasons to get angry in his life. This was making him discover another side of himself; he didn’t know he could get this angry. He didn’t know rage could fill up his veins like that and make him want to destroy absolutely everything around him, but above all, the person in front of him who’d he considered a friend all these years. On the verge of losing control, he reared up his fist, before Sunghoon said:

“You know what’s even sadder? She used to like you, too.”

His arm dropped. “What?”

“Yeah, in primary school. Didn’t you think it was weird how different she was before and after you left? Her little heartbreak made her change everything about herself just so that people would like her. And now all she can do is lie to everyone. I pity her, really. And to think that she thought I liked her. What an idiot.”

That was the last straw. Jay punched Sunghoon square in the nose, making him stumble back a few steps until he hit the wall again. He held onto his bloody, and possibly broken, nose and looked Jay straight in the eyes, still smirking. Thinking his job was done (but not sure what the job was in the first place), he walked away, heading to the nurses’ station. The scene had gathered quite an audience outside. It was less than ten minutes to the first bell, so already quite a few students were there, but no one had dared to venture inside. Jake, arriving too late to prevent any damage, looked wide-eyed back and forth between Sunghoon walking out and Jay standing inside, fists clenched by his side and panting from anger.

Sunghoon barely spared him or anyone a glance as he left the room. What he did notice though, were a crumpled tuna-mayo sandwich and a banana milk on the floor, looking as though someone had dropped them.

What had he done?

—

You had already run back to your friends and were currently crying for the second time in twelve hours in Sumin’s arms. It was the first time ever you cried at school, and probably also in front of your friends, spare Sumin, so it was a curious sight to most; she took you to another room for privacy. 

There, you practically told her everything you had told Sunoo the night before, including the fake dating.

“Wait… so, you and Sunghoon weren’t actually dating?”

You nodded, embarrassed by your lie.

“I- Why didn’t you tell me, Y/N? How could you fool everyone like that?”

You looked up in surprise at your friend’s harsh words. You probably deserved them, but you weren’t used to hearing her speak in such a way, nor to the cold stare she was peering down at you with. 

“I don’t know… I’m really sorry…” you mumbled, ashamed.

She scoffed. “You should be. I just- I just don’t understand how you can already be living such a lie, and still add onto it. It makes me wonder how I’m still friends with you.” The bell rang right at that moment, and she got up, saying, “Let’s go to class. You wouldn’t wanna be late.”

You followed her, but you felt sick to your stomach. Usually, you could always hide your discomfort or sadness, no matter how bad your period cramps were or how serious an argument with your parents had gotten. But this time, it was too much, and fifteen minutes into the class, you asked the teacher to go to the nurse. Not used to you needing to leave class and trusting that it was for a legitimate reason, your teacher let you off and you quickly packed your bag and left. 

When you got to the nurse, you sat down in front of her and said you weren’t feeling well and wanted to go home. For the same reasons as your teacher, she said she’d let you but needed to ask you a few questions before about your general well-being. You answered them quickly, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible and just go home. 

When you finally were able to leave, you only took a few steps out of the nurse’s office before someone grabbed your wrist, making you turn around. Sunghoon, who was resting in the room next door, had heard your voice and gotten up as soon as he’d heard you leave. His nose was covered in bandages and his eye had started swelling and turning blue, and you mentally thanked Jay. You ripped your arm out of his grip and continued to walk away without a word. You were too tired to argue.

“Y/N, please, hear me out.”

This made you stop in your tracks, but you didn’t turn around. “Hear you out? I’ve already heard enough, Sunghoon. No need to explain, you made it very clear what you think of me.”

You started walking again but he doubled you and blocked your path in the narrow hallway. 

“Y/N, I’m sorry, if you’d just give me a minute-”

“I don’t care that you’re sorry, Sunghoon! Sorry doesn’t cut it. I trusted you. Actually trusted you. You out of all people should know how hard it is to do that. Or was that a lie too?” Seeing him in front of you, your sadness retreated to the back of your heart and you were left with only anger. 

“It wasn’t, I prom-”

“That doesn’t mean anything to me anymore.” You pushed past him and walked on. And this time, he let you go, even though the only thing you wanted him to do was make you stay. You so desperately wanted to hear him out and forgive him, but you knew you couldn’t do that. You had too much dignity, and it would only end up hurting you even further. 

So you didn’t shed a tear the whole way home. When you finally got to your bed, you didn’t have the energy to start crying. You fell asleep, tears quietly rolling down your face. 

—

You slept the whole day, waking up to a soft knock on your bedroom door. It was your mom, telling you Jay was here to see you. Everyone had been surprised to see you already at home when they came back from work or school, but they knew better than to wake you up.

“I’m surprised, you know. He’s gotten so handsome.”

You rolled your eyes at her. “Just tell him that I’m not feeling well and he should go home, please.”

“Oh, I’ve already tried to, honey. The boy is adamant on seeing you.”

You sighed. “Fine. Can you bring him here, then?”

A few seconds later, you heard another knock, and Jay opened the door just enough to peek his head through, asking if he could come in.

“Well, you’re already here, so might as well.”

You sat up and gestured for him to sit down on your bed.

He looked around, taking in the messiness of his surroundings. “You know, I thought your room would be much more… organized.”

“Didn’t Sunghoon tell you? I’m a big, fat liar who hides the truth from everyone,” you said sarcastically.

“About that… did you hear everything he said?” You hummed in response. “I’m so sorry you had to hear that, Y/N. I don’t know what happened to him. He’d never said anything like that about you, and then, all of a sudden… What an asshole. I can’t believe he was my friend.”

“Was? You shouldn’t end your friendship over me, Jay.”

“Are you kidding me? I can’t be friends with a guy who talks about anyone like that, let alone you.” After a few minutes of silence, he asked, “Did um- did anything happen, for him to say those things?”

You sighed deeply. “I’ve already told this story twice in the past few days, so I’ll give you the short version, but basically, we were fake dating, and I started really liking him, and I thought he did too, until we kissed, and he left me completely stranded, and then the next day I hear him say all those things.”

Silence again. You suddenly remembered something Sunghoon had said that you had completely put to the side: Jay likes you. At least, according to Sunghoon. You didn’t know if it was true, but judging by his disappointed face, it looked like it. Seemed like all of your friendships were going to hell.

“Oh,” he simply said.

“Yeah…” you murmured back. 

“Well,” he turned to you, “that just confirms to me that he’s an asshole. Cause no guy in his right mind would turn you down, Y/N. I know I wouldn’t.”

He looked straight at you as he said that. Yep. Jay liked you. It was a nice feeling, but it was also about ten years too late. 

“Do you- do you know what I’m trying to say, Y/N?” he asked, gulping.

You hesitated for a second before saying, ”I think I do, Jay. I have to say, your timing isn’t great.”

He chuckled a bit lifelessly. “Yeah, I guess right now isn’t the best time to say this.”

“I also meant, you know what Sunghoon said, earlier? That I liked you before you left for the US? That was true.”

He looked at you, mouth agape. “Oh, was it…” His head hung down in defeat. “I can’t believe I’ve been such an idiot. I feel like it’s my fault that Sunghoon hurt you like this. If only I’d been just a bit earlier…”

“None of this is your fault, Jay. Please don’t think that. It’s mine for thinking Sunghoon could actually like me back.”

Jay took a deep breath. “God, as much as it hurts me to say, Y/N, I think he did. Or does, actually.” You furrowed your brows at him. “Sunghoon, he has this thing where he goes into retreat mode as soon as he gets too close, too personal. It’s a stupid defense mechanism, and when he realizes he’s let you in a bit too far, he snaps everything closed and hurts you before you can hurt him. At least, that’s how he sees it, I guess. He’s done it to Jake and me a couple times, and it takes some getting used to, but he stops after a while. When he knows for sure that you won’t hurt him.”

You didn’t know what to do with this information, so you just stayed quiet, which Jay took as a sign to go on.

“I’m not saying forgive him. Believe me, if I could smack him into space and never let him see you again, I would. But I think maybe, just maybe, and you don’t have to if you don’t want to, hear him out.”

You smiled at him. “You’re a good friend, Jay. And I don’t mean just to me but to Sunghoon as well. I hope you know that.”

Jay tried to ignore the pinch in his heart at the word ‘friend’ and smiled back.

“Oh, there’s another thing I needed to show you.” His tone was suddenly much more apprehensive, and he looked both sorry and scared to say whatever he was about to say.

He pulled out his phone and searched the thing in question. Before showing you anything, he warned, “Nobody knows who did this. It was sent out to the whole school on a library computer-”

Expecting the worst, you snatched Jay’s phone from his hands. And there they were. Pictures of you from your primary school years, recent pictures of you in your comfortable clothes, at home or in close proximity to your house. Sent out to the whole school, as Jay had said. You were horror-struck. You could feel all the years you had spent perfecting your image and maintaining it crumbling around you as though they were paper. Charismatic smiles and trendy accessories had been your brick and mortar, but a sledgehammer had hit them, destroying your foundations further with each swing.

And that sledgehammer had a name: Bae Sumin. You’d figured it out in an instant. You’d been friends your whole life, she was the only one apart from your family to know about your true face; only she would have access to such photos. You knew it wasn’t Sunghoon because the pictures he had taken that day weren’t there.

If what had happened with Sunghoon had made a crack in your heart, then this had shattered it into a million pieces. The person who you’d trusted the most, who you’d thought would never do anything to hurt you, had done the worst thing anybody could do to you.

“Y/N- are you okay?” Jay asked tentatively. You had forgotten he was there.

“Um, yeah, yeah- I think I just need to be alone for now, if that’s okay.”

“Are you sure? I don’t mind staying a while.”

“Sorry, Jay, but I’m sure.”

He looked at you for a few seconds. He’d never felt more distance between you two, not even when you had been oceans apart. “Alright. Call me if you need anything. I mean it.”

You smiled a tiny, tiny smile in response and he left your room. On his way out, your mom hugged him, saying it was nice to see him again and that he was welcome anytime, and he thanked her.

As he walked home, he couldn’t help but bitterly laugh to himself. Even when he confessed, he hadn’t been able to say the words he’d wanted to tell you this whole time: I love you.

—

You didn’t go to school for the rest of the week, the only stain on your perfect attendance record. All of your friends had tried to reach you, asking if you were okay, and you replied in a few small messages, telling them you’d be back when you could. Other people had contacted you, asking if those pictures were real. You obsessed over your school’s gossip Instagram account: the past few days, all the posts had been dedicated to your pictures and Sunghoon’s and Jay’s fight. You had ten missed calls from Sunghoon and seventeen from Sumin. You ignored each and everyone of them, only giving Jay, Heeseung, Sieun and Jiung the time of day. 

On Sunday morning you woke up, already dreading going to school the next day. You could already picture the nasty stares and whispers you’d get in the hallways. You thought about facing Sumin and Sunghoon again, and you thought the worst thing possible would be to have to do it at school. So you decided to wait until they called you again, as you knew they would, and finally picked up their call.

Sumin contacted you first, at eleven in the morning. You agreed to have her come over to your house to talk. When she appeared at your front door, you realized you weren’t sad, angry, or disappointed; you were just confused. You didn’t understand why she’d done it. Looking at her face, you couldn’t imagine her sitting down at that computer and sending out those pictures, writing the comment This is what Kim Y/N is like in real life.

You let her in and walked to your room, your siblings’ eyes burning holes into her soul the whole time. You sat down on your bed, sighed, and said, “Go ahead.”

“Thank you for letting me come here and explain myself. I don’t know what took over me, Y/N. Well actually, I guess I do. Jealousy, as stupid as it sounds.” She chuckled at herself. “I’ve always tried to hide it, but I’ve always been a bit jealous of you, Y/N. You’re the prettiest girl, the smartest, the nicest, and I’m just the best friend. That’s all anyone knows me as. Everybody loves you, yet I know it’s all a facade. And I’m not saying that to be mean, because I know you’re an amazing person even without all the glamor. And when I saw you with Sunghoon, I mean, you saw how I was. I didn't fight with my parents. I was so, so jealous. You hadn’t shown interest in any guy since Choi Soobin and all of a sudden you were dating Park freaking Sunghoon, and he knew about your quote-on-quote ‘real’ face, so I couldn’t even comfort myself that he didn’t know who you really were.”

“Wait- why would you be jealous of Sunghoon and me?”

She took a deep breath. “You remember, freshman year, when I confessed to him and he turned me down?”

“Yeah, but I thought that was in the past.”

“Do you also remember that guy I told you about later on, who I’d gotten really close with but completely shut me off when I thought we were about to start dating?”

Something clicked, but you didn’t want to face it. “Yeah…”

“Well, surprise surprise, they were the same person. Ha. I got mad at you for lying to me, but I did the same thing.”

“Sumin… Why did you never tell me?”

“I’m not sure. When we were in that talking stage, I could’ve bragged about it to anyone, you know, that Park Sunghoon was actually being nice to me, but I didn’t. I wanted to keep him my little secret. And then I confessed, and we all know how that ended.” A beat passes as she takes a deep breath, shaking the bad memory away. “I am over it, it was more than three years ago. Maybe there was a nice part of me that thought he had changed, because you seemed happy with him, and I didn’t want to ruin that. But maybe there was another part that hoped he might hurt you like he did me. And that’s such a shitty thing to do, I know. I should’ve told you when I saw you get involved with him. I can’t believe after all these years, he did the exact same thing to you that he did to me. What an asshole.”

You were staring at the wall in front of you, feeling empty. Why did everything have to happen at the same time? You were just drained of any willpower.

“This doesn’t explain the pictures,” you said plainly.

“Right. When you told me you were fake dating, I guess something snapped in me. I couldn’t believe it was another lie, I thought we had gone past the stage where you hid things from me. So that, plus jealousy, I just went a bit crazy, I think. I really wasn’t thinking, Y/N, and I promise you with all my heart that if I could go back and undo everything, I would. I’m so, so, so sorry. I regretted it as soon as I hit post.”

You looked at your friend and knew she was telling the truth. You believed her, and yet you couldn’t quite look past it.

“I know you are, Minie. It’s just… what am I gonna do now at school? Everybody must hate me.”

“I won’t lie, some people haven’t been saying the nicest things, especially Park’s fangirls. But God, Y/N, and please don’t take this the wrong way, but who cares? They’ll talk about it for a week, two at most. Your life at school won’t be the same, but you’ll still have all of us. I’ve talked to Heeseung, Sieun and Jiung, and they’re not the tiniest bit mad at you. They’re just worried to death. A bit confused too, but mostly worried. And you know what? Even Yujin, Wonyoung and Gaeul, who I’ve literally never talked to before, came to ask me how you were. Jay and Sunghoon are barely on talking terms but they always team up when it comes to practically verbally assaulting anyone they overhear talking behind your back. Jake has to hold them back sometimes but he always glares at those people too. You don’t wanna see Jake Sim glare, I promise you. It’s so scary,” she says in a confessional tone, visibly shuddering just at the thought of angel-faced Jake looking angry, and you can’t help the small chuckle that escapes your lips.

Her face softens as she places a warm palm over your hand. “We all love you and care for you so much, so screw literally every single other person in that school. They don’t matter.”

There was something refreshing about Sumin’s words. The idea that you could live your life without worrying about other people had always been in the back of your head, but you always told yourself you were in too deep to go back. Now that you had been forced to, you understood why you felt so empty: the immense weight of having to keep up a persona, had been lifted off your shoulders. You would only have to carry yourself, and not a second person, which made you feel weightless. You’d just have to get used to it and come to enjoy that feeling.

You took your friend’s hands in yours. “I want to forgive you, I promise I do. And I will. I just don’t know if I can do that right away. I’ll need some getting used to this new life.”

“I completely understand, Y/N.”

“But that doesn’t mean I don’t want you around anymore. And you know what, I’m sure one day I’ll look back at this moment and thank you.”

—

Sumin left a few hours later and you were now waiting for Sunghoon to call you. You waited and waited, until your phone rang with a small ding: he wasn’t calling you, but had sent you a message. A very, very long message. You were very tempted to reply with a I ain’t reading all that. I’m happy for u tho. Or sorry that happened, but you thought it might not be the appropriate moment. 

You opened the message, which had come after thirty unread texts, and started reading, slightly appalled by the lack of paragraphing.

Dear Y/N, 

Is this how you start a long text? I would much rather be telling you this than writing it, but someone hasn’t been picking up my calls. Sorry. I probably shouldn’t be giving you much attitude right now. Where do I even start? The ice rink, I guess. Asshole move #1, obviously. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left you like that. That kiss was really really good and I really really liked it. Because I really really like you. And I think I’ve known that for a while now, but the kiss confirmed it. And I was happy for a second, but then I panicked. There’s no other word for it, I panicked. I’ve never liked someone this much before and I was so scared. I still am. I’m terrified shitless. But I know that my fear is completely irrational, and that you’re literally the best person on Earth, which is why I’m writing this. I know it’s cliché to say my mom left me and now I think everybody will. And my first reaction to that is to hurt someone before they can hurt me, which is what I did. But as much as I wanna fight it, it’s always there at the back of my mind. You can even ask Sumin about it. Should I be saying that? I feel like I might as well. I was an asshole to her, and I’m so angry at myself that I did it again with you. I didn’t mean a single word of what I said about you to Jay. Not a single one. You’re not stupid, you’re the smartest and most amazing girl I know, and I never pretended I liked you, because I never had to. I think I just wanted Jay to punch me, really. I wanted him to run to you and make sure you were okay, because I was too scared to do that myself. But I regret doing that so much. I hope you know that. And bless Jay, he’s a real one. He told me to get my shit together and talk to you. I can tell he’s still mad at me but still wants to make things good between us. I was already trying to call you before he said that, but I probably would’ve said something stupid that would’ve made things worse. And I can’t afford that, Y/N, I really, really can’t. You get me like no one does and being with you is the most liberating thing ever, I’m never myself more than when I’m around you. You just bring out the best in me. Well, except for that thing I did. Which I promise I’ll never do again. I am so extremely sorry, and if you wanna hate me for the rest of your life, I completely get it. But I would also be very happy if you didn’t. I hope I’ll see you tomorrow at school. I really miss you.

Your Hoon

You wiped away the tears that had formed in your eyes and typed back:

You’re such an idiot, Park.

I’ll see you tomorrow.

—

The next day, as you imagined, was mostly hell. You’d decided not to dress up as usual: there was no point trying to look good after this, it would only make you seem more ridiculous. You put less makeup on, not bothering to hide your eye bags, and didn’t bling your outfit up with accessories or fancy shoes, opting for your worn-out Converse you’d had since your feet stopped growing. On the bus, where people usually ignored each other, you could already feel the gossip being told about you. You avoided people’s gaze like the plague and sat down next to Sumin. You laid your head on her shoulder and sighed.

“I already wanna go home.”

She laughed, “I know. We’ll be with you the whole day, so don’t worry.”

You spent the bus ride catching up on what had happened when you were gone (nothing much), and although there was some awkwardness there, it was nice being with your best friend. When Heeseung got on, he practically screamed your name and suffocated you by means of greeting.

“I’m so glad you’re back. You know, I think you look really cute in those pictures. All these people are just jealous they don’t look as good as you even when you don’t dress up.”

Sumin shot daggers with her eyes at him and he cringed, saying, “Sorry, I shouldn’t have mentioned that.”

You reassured him, saying that it was fine since it was all you were going to be hearing the next few days. “Might as well get used to it.”

It was somewhat easy to ignore the stares coming your way when you walked into school with Heeseung and Sumin flanked at your sides like bodyguards. When you reached your classroom, Jiung engulfed you in a hug and Sieun was almost crying. How the hell had you gotten such sweet friends? 

In the hallways, some people tried to get reactions out of you by calling you out, yelling liar! or you can’t fool us anymore. You couldn’t ignore them as they were very much in your face. When at lunch, a table of girls next to you was very clearly talking about you in the nastiest way possible, you took your tray and were ready to get up and leave, but a very familiar voice stopped you in your tracks.

“You think it’s funny talking about someone like that?” Sunghoon was practically screaming at the girls. “You think you’re any better than her? I bet you do the exact same thing but are just glad someone else got called out for it.” You weren’t sure if that made you feel much better, but you appreciated the effort.

“As a matter of fact,” he continued as he pulled out a chair and got up on it, his voice getting louder, “I’ve got something I wanna say to everyone.”

Somebody whooped (probably Jake) and you tried to get Sunghoon to come down from the chair, but he just smiled his radiant smile at you and turned to look at the students in the cafeteria.

“All of you who judge Y/N are hypocrites. You wanna tell me you’re all as perfect at home as you are at school? That you never relax a little bit? Sure, she pushed it a bit far- (hey! you grunted in protest), but nobody shows who they truly are to everyone. We all judge each other in this stupid high school, so Y/N did what she had to do and protected herself. If anything, this should make you respect her even more. And it’s not like she did anything wrong to you. She didn’t use her popularity against anyone, so you better not use this against her.”

From the crowded tables in the cafeteria, somebody yelled “Nobody cares!”

Somebody, whose voice you thought you recognized as Jungwon’s, joined in: “Yeah, what is it about you seniors and thinking the whole school revolves around you? We still like Y/N!”

Sunghoon, taken aback, simply said, “Oh. Alright. Well, you better keep it that way then!” and got off his chair. 

He turned to you, already a pleading look on his face and said “Y/N, I’m so sorry-”

But you cut him off right away. “I know, Sunghoon, I know. I think this proved it.”

“I really wanna make it up to you. So just tell me what you want me to do, and I’ll do it. Buy you a house, move to another country, you name it. I’ll do it.”

You chuckled at him. “You don’t need to go that far.” You looked down, then back at him. “I think I just want to pretend like nothing happened. Like it was all a huge, awful fever dream. Even if I can’t forgive and forget right away, I don’t think I want you out of my life while I figure it out.”

He let out the biggest sigh you’d ever heard. “My God, you don’t know how happy to hear that, Y/N. Thank you so much.”

“Thank you for defending me just now. That was… definitely something.”

He smiled down at you. "I did my best. Too bad those sophomores ruined everything.”

You could feel eyes burning into your sides, so you turned your head a bit and noticed that your friends and the table of girls that had just been gossiping were staring at you, some of them teary-eyed. When they saw you notice them, they all turned back to each other and pretended that they were having some other conversation. You and Sunghoon chuckled, and you realized how much you had missed him.

Yes, Sunghoon and Sumin had hurt you, but you were a strong believer of second chances. Even if it was hard at first to stop thinking about Sunghoon’s voice when he had said those things or Sumin’s intentions when she posted the pictures, they’d made it up to you in any way they could and you’d reciprocated that by being completely honest. No more trying to look perfect all the time; you were human and were allowed to have low moments. Your grades even dropped by two points, because you’d started spending more time with your friends than with your textbooks. You’d spent whole Saturdays at the ice rink with your now real-boyfriend Sunghoon, and had invited the whole crew. Heeseung was surprisingly good at it. You had even caught your little sister Yeeun on a date with the cute Japanese boy she’d talked about. 

As promised, Jay came once a week or every two weeks to have dinner with your family; Sunghoon always insisted on being present. The tension between them had turned into friendly competition, and you could tell the two friends were glad to have each other back. 

You’d never felt so free. Your relationship with Sunghoon felt like uncharted territory and home at the same time; so daunting and exciting yet so comfortable and relaxing. You kept the PDA at a minimum at school, but when it was just the two of you, your whole body never failed to heat up, even in the cold of the ice rink. He had been nicknamed the ice prince, but he was so, so warm.

In the end, everybody found out. But you had Park Sunghoon by your side, so it was alright.

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[leah-lover]

Arrogance. Alexia putellas x reader.

Let me know if you want a part 2.

You loved winning more than anything or anyone in the entire world and that was your biggest flaw. Brought up in the US soccer system, you were taught that winning is everything. You had set the precedent of joining the US women's national team as early as 17 years old which had never been done before. You were smart both academically and tactically. You graduated high school early, went to college early and proceeded to win the national championship all 4 years.

Your life always took the back seat to winning. You didn't have many friends. You didn't go out or party. You trained hard, you took care of your body, and followed a strict fitness routine. You were overall the best in your generation.

Being labeled as the best of your generation got into your head early in your life. Your strict regime made it hard for you to make friends and your cockiness and pride didn't help either. You were friendly but nobody ever dared to become your friend.

After college you moved on to the NWSL in which you won MVP , rookie of the year, and the championship in your first and second year. You had also won the world but at the same time. However, winning didn't fill the gap in your life that it once did. You didn't have to prove yourself anymore, you were renowned in the whole world as the best, everybody wanted to be you but no one wanted to be with you not long term at least. You were notorious for hooking up with people but you didn't want them to stay over for breakfast

As the years went on the international competition got harder. You were still the best but an upcoming Spaniard was raining on your parade. You were both head to head in matchies, a few tackles landing you warnings and yellow cards, and in awards. Both having very good stats you are head to head for the ballon d'or which she won that year.

You didn't talk to each other much. You can recall talking one or twice to each other . but you talked about one another a lot. The media seemed to spit you both against one another. You started hating each other in real life.

This summer your contract with Seattle fc came to its end and you chose not to renew. Offers were flying by but the one that caught your attention was Barcelona's offer.

They were willing to spend 1 million dollars on you. It was a precedent. No club had ever paid this much for a transfer. Thrie offer sticked your ego so much you accepted.

You have been playing at Barcelona for almost a season, scoring a hatrick at every game. Your relationship with your teammates didn't change. You were still space out.

The most important relationship was with your captain. Your rivalry with her was the second headline out of the b transfer. But you didn't pay her or the rivalry any attention.

Tonight you have achieved something you wanted to do for a long time. You have won the champion’s league. The locker room was celebrating the win and chanting your name. While everybody was dancing Alexia came to approached you and said “ congrats and thank u american”

“ no need capi.” you responded.

The flight back was fun, people were singing and dancing but the only thing you thought about was alexia. Her smell, her hand on your shoulder, her being thankful for you. You found yourself looking over to her from time to time. You weren't like this, you didn't day dream about people especially not the captain.

The celebration party took place in a bar. You were a few dink in when you looked over to you right yo find Alexia nursing a flute filled with champagne.

“Why aren't you dancing?” She asked.

“ I am not the type plus i am pretty sure y'all hate me.”

“And why is that “

“Don't know just a feeling.”

After that I went outside. I didn't smoke much but the nerves Alexia was giving me deserved some nicotine. As soon as I lit the cigarette I felt her hazel eyes glaring at me.

“ These things are gonna kill you, you know.”

“ I want to die young plus nobody would give a shit.”

“ I would give a shit if the most important person in my club was killing herself because she can't man up enough to talk to people. You hide behind your accomplishments. But you are just a normal girl just like any of us. You need people beside you.”

“ You are wrong about me. I am not scared of talking to people; they just would never understand me. I am a control freak. I don't like to give it up. People tend to hate that about me ” I say as I take the last puff of my cigarette. My eyes don't leave hers and the tension is through the roof.

“ I like to lose control from time to time.”

“ Capitana please don't play with me”

“ Currently I am not playing with you. Let me make you a deal. You go inside, have some fun and I will let you do what you want with the information you just heard.”

“ Why are you doing this?”

“ I don't know, I just care, I guess.

[crazylittlejester]

more wars headcanons because i started a trend apparently and he’s very important to me so i gotta add to it

- Zelda keeps trying to promote him to general and he keeps refusing, which frustrates her to no end because he deserves a promotion and SO much more, but he never did any of this for the glory or recognition so he’s content staying a captain. He has a group of hand picked soldiers he trusts who serve under him and they love and respect him, he’s trusted them all for years and takes care to know all of their names

- Generally well liked by everyone who knows him. His soldiers would all gladly give their lives for him (he would be terrified to know this), they love and respect him. OTHER soldiers who DON’T serve under him and other citizens of hyrule however still blame him for the war and treat him terribly. They assume he’s cocky and arrogant and want to see him punished, but anyone who’s ever held a conversation with him loves him pretty immediately because he’s kinda and easy to talk to

- The assassination attempts have gotten much fewer and far between, but they never completely stop. He always keeps at least three knives on his person at any given time, and Mask/Time is the only person alive who know where all his knives are

- Well liked as he is by the people who know him, he doesn’t have many actual friends. Most of the friends he made were people from other eras so he can’t really talk with them anymore. He still has a very close relationship with Proxi, Impa, and Zelda, but aside from them he doesn’t feel like he has any other friends

- Proxi took ONE look at this sad pathetic litte guy and was like “I guess I have to adopt him now” and has been a mother figure to him since the day they met

- The War of Eras spanned three years (he was 17-20), and by the time LU happens, he’s around 27. He will never let Legend find this out, because 27 is NOT old, but Legend is nine years younger than him and won’t let him heard the end of it if he finds out he’s in his late twenties

- Time was absolutely mortified when he met Warriors again and realized just how young the captain was during the war, because when you’re 10-13, the 17-20 year olds seem like they might as well be in their thirties

- Warriors took legal guardianship of Mask during the War because it was the only way to let a 10 year old fight in a war. He doesn’t try to parents him, he looks out for him of course, but he lets Mask make his own decisions for the most part (of course he tries to stop him from being an idiot, but he doesn’t have much control over it if the kid just doesn’t listen to him). When Tune showed up, he was 17 and considered old enough to make his own decisions so he didn’t need a legal guardian (he also lied and said he was 18, but it wouldn’t have mattered because Warriors joined the military at 16 and was considered old enough then)

- Link isn’t his first name, it’s his second/middle name but he goes by that instead because it’s shorter, easier, and he likes it better

[lestappenforever]

My ask is maybe a bit silly, and would probably go in 'sanity check' category. It is about Max, and how he is perceived. If I understand correctly, it is said he is mad max, bad guy, aggressive… and similar. Now, I know teenagers are sometimes a bit crazy, and from what I read he was actually very badly treated by freaking adults, fellow drivers, when he first joined F1, so maybe then he was a bit aggressive, and it would be even understandable… but still it is difficult to even imagine that. Because Max I see (I am only following racing since last year) is nice, soft, funny, polite guy, still more looking like an innocent kid than an adult, even appearing naïve (unlike the sweet, adorable devil that is Charles!), and obviously so nice towards rookies (Oliver and Liam-who himself said it). So am I delusional and see what is not there or for some reason he is so vilified (I guess most coming probably from jealousy and Netflix crap…). Oh and one additional observation, he always looks so much softer and somehow cuddlier and cuter on photos from his streaming at home… What do you think? One final observation, then I will shut up  Sometimes it seems to me that all the Lestappen moments and specila connection maybe come from the fact that when Charles came to F1 Max finally had kinda his person there. Because he went form father abuse to fellow drivers abuse, but when Charles came to F1, he had someone he could have a real relationship with, even if they fought and were a bit sulky almost teenagers still in the beginning, they got over it as they grow up. But Charles is his genuinely healthy, good, fun, friendly relationship. Having spent time as kids growing up of course also deepens the bond and friendship, but also mutual respect and understanding each other’s qualities. I don’t know if explained it well enough… P.S. I LOVE your fics!!!!

Hi anon, and thank you so much for this ask! I don't think it's a silly ask at all.

All these "Mad Max", being too aggressive, being mean claims etc. stem from two things:

1. When Max made it into F1 almost 10(!) years ago, he was 17(!!) years old. He was a kid — a literal child. And he was a cocky, arrogant little shit at that, as any kid would be making their debut in such a prestigious sport at such a young age.

2. Max haters who will hate him forever, no matter what, no matter why. They don't even need a reason; they're just determined to hate him and will do so forever.

But the thing is, and his haters especially seem to love to ignore this fact, Max was seventeen years old when he made his F1 debut. He was, for all intents and purposes, a child. I watched Max make his F1 debut, and I watched and read the way he was viewed and the reception he received from his fellow drivers, the media, and fans alike. And I watched these grown-ass men already on the grid when Max joined welcome him by treating him like shit. These adults were so threatened by this kid who came into the sport without having to go through the same ranks almost every other F1 driver has to go through to get there, such as several years in F3 and F2 (Max only spent a year in F3 and skipped F2 altogether), that they did virtually nothing to make him feel welcome. Quite the opposite, in fact. It was so fucking sad and infuriating, and I lost a lot of respect for many drivers because of it. And if I'm being honest, anon, that's what made me decide Max would be my favorite driver. I can be incredibly spiteful when I want to be, and watching Max get slammed and slandered from so many directions from the very beginning made me want to be very spiteful. That's what made me decide that I was going to support that kid like hell. And I haven’t looked back or regretted it since.

I cannot stress this enough, and I know I've said it so many times before already, but: Max Verstappen was a child when he made it into the world of F1. But he's not a child anymore, which a concerning amount of people seem to be blissfully and willfully ignorant to. Max has grown and matured so much in the years he's been in F1. And, like most other people, Max Verstappen the adult is not the same person as Max Verstappen the teenager, or Max Verstappen the child. And he hasn’t been anything like his 17-year old self in a long, long time. But this, of course, is something his haters will never accept or acknowledge.

I truly believe, from the very bottom of my heart, that Max is always so nice and welcoming towards rookies, always willing to lend a hand or giving them advice, always going out of his way to praise and support them, because practically no one ever did that for him when he was a rookie. And that speaks volumes about his character and the kind of man he has grown into since making his debut.

You're not delusional at all, anon, and having only followed F1 since last year means it's not surprising that you don't see the very outdated and frankly incredibly incorrect persona the people who dislike Max will always keep trying to convince themselves and others is still him. Because it isn’t — not even close. Practically every single person who has worked with or been around Max in the past few years all say the same thing: that he's funny, easy-going, and one of the genuinely kindest people on the grid. And that means a hell of a lot more than the opinions of people who have never and will never know him, and have made it their personal, sad mission to hate him. So you keep holding on to the impression you have of him, anon, because that is a far more accurate representation than the image some people are so hellbent of painting of him. (He’s definitely not naïve, though, not even close.)

And I absolutely agree: he looks even softer and cuddlier when he's streaming at home! I love streamer!Max so much.

"When Charles came to F1 Max finally had kinda his person there". <- You are spot on with this, anon! I've talked about the special bond I think these two share in the past, like in this post, and so have many others. (@tsarinablogs @valyrfia @thearchercore to name a few - highly recommend checking out their blogs if you haven’t already!) It truly seems like they have never, and will never, see any other driver as a big a rival as the other, and the numerous accounts of their karting days from people who got to watch them battle first-hand from such a young age definitely backs up that claim. And I think that's so beautiful, and it's one of the many, many reasons why these two are so dear to me, and why other F1 ships will never be able to come close.

P.S. That makes me so happy to hear, anon, thank you so, so much. 🥹❤️

[suika-suigetsu]

This is super random but I use your account as exposure therapy.

A little gossip,

….

I had an ex friend who pissed me off and disgusted me on the daily, I’d piss her off on purpose , she was an arrogant narcissist and a d1 hypocrite and her morals were atrocious, not to mention the biggest pick me girl in existence, she made me hate things she liked and like the things she hated, I guess subconsciously I despised her very being and wanted to be her opposition.

Anyways,

She REALLY likes Karin, like she sees herself as Karin and her boyfriend Sasuke …😨…….idk what’s wrong with her ….. obviously, she ships SasuKarin, and she HATES Sakura more than anything ever. She said Sakura must have sexually forced Sasuke to make Sarada…like SA’d him……

……Like genuinely, what the fuck…..

For a long time I couldn’t look at Karin, I remembered her and it made me sick, genuinely looking at Karin angered me,

She also likes team Taka, so I also hated seeing them, and I hated absolutely hated seeing Sasuke, she genuinely left the most bitter taste in my mouth,

But

Then I saw you art

The way you present Karin is so wonderful, not toxic like A LOT of her stans make her, you make it so much more canon, Karin is complicated, she loved Sasuke but NEVER hated Sakura, in fact they’re on good terms, she literally delivered her baby

Your art is accurate, sweet, and very pretty

You single handily saved my view on Karin stans

So I Thank You, for presenting Karin and the team so good, for showing people do love Karin and Sakura at the same time

I love you art very much and I’m a big fan

🫶❤️

Oh my... 🥹 I'm so happy to read this!

I've said it a few times, but I wasn't a fan of Karin at first too. My favorite female characters were Hinata and Sakura, and I shipped SasuSaku a lot, so when Karin appeared, like many others, I hated her because I thought she was an "obstacle" in Sakura's path. But I was just a kid, and just like you and many people who hate her, we ended up falling into a Mandela effect, influenced by villains from soap operas, lying fanfics and people who used Karin to hate Sakura...

When I reread Naruto, I didn't care about any shipps, I just wanted to understand the story. And when you focus on the story, and not the romance, you see that Karin is, yes, annoying with her obsession with Sasuke... But she was a 15-17 year old teenager who received kindness from him at a time in her life where she was just being used and mistreated. And she never mistreated Sakura... When I reread the scene of them crying together after Danzou's death, I was shocked. That's cannon! But because I hated Karin so much at the time, I was SURE that she was a shrew who hated Sakura!

Anyway, I don't want to go on too long, but I'm really glad I was able to change your mind. I don't want to portray Karin in a way that she isn't, so I keep her grumpy and tsundere, just the way she is. I want people to like her without forcing a gentler personality... That's why I was so excited about your message, thank you so much for that.

I will continue to strive to improve the reputation of Karin, who is actually a wonderful and passionate woman, who was unfortunately wronged by the Pierrot studio and haters... 🥹🥹💕💕

[androgynousblackbox]

How I Met Your Father. 17 [Appleradio, Radioapple]

How Hell Met Me

"Stuck up arrogant king?" asked Lucifer, tying up his bowtie for him.

After they had finished their plates, Lucifer had come back quickly to the palace in order to get his old clothing. As for the rest of his colors, a sigil on his wrist would do the trick. When pressed once it would keep the ilusion of him being just the same Alastor that everyone knew and pressed two times to undue the spell. It was going to feed off his own magic, just like his shadows, so it wasn't recommended to use it permanently, but with his new powers he should be able to keep it untouched for at least a few weeks.

Alastor didn't really need any help with the bowtie. He had tied it himself countless times before. However, when Lucifer started helping him out to dress, he didn't protest at all. Even through the fabric the touch of Lucifer was warmer than anything on Heaven. It felt like cleansing as he set up every piece of clothing, as if finally he could feel like himself.

"Sketchy as fuck?" asked in return, arching an eyebrow.

Lucifer had tied and untied the black piece on his hand at least three times, getting distracted by other details he wanted to perfect before trying again. He didn't want to lose the contact either.

"At least I said you were good lookin" defended himself with a pout. "You could have say something like oh, he is so beautiful I can barely concentrate around him, that is so annoying of him, or something."

Alastor snorted softly and bended a little to reach his ear.

"But if I said that, it wouldn't be acting anymore, would it?" whispered and when the expected blush came, he took his chance licking the cheek to his heart's contempt. Sensing the flow of the delicious blood right under the skin that now, after so many years, he could bite into if he wanted to.

"Ejem" called Charlie.

Alastor turned to her as Lucifer cleared his throat, finally resolving to finishing the bowtie. Charie looked to a side, a faint blush of her own, as she hold up her phone. Just because she liked seeing both of her parents alive and well, didn't mean she had to like them acting like that with her in the same space.

Lucifer was appropriately embarrassed to suddenly be reminded they weren't the only two people in hell. Alastor hadn't forgotten, but couldn't bother to pretend he cared too much.

"Um, I called Vaggie already to set up a meeting on the lobby. Everyone is waiting. Are you ready, dad?"

Alastor touched the sigil once and conjured his cane mid air to stomp with it the ground.

"How do I look?" asked to Lucifer, posing a little with his hand over the front of his red shirt.

Lucifer smiled and pulled out his wing to reach his lips, holding his cheek briefly to leave a soft and earnest kiss.

"Perfect" said, coming down and snapping his fingers. His comfy shirt and pants instantly changing into his usual outfit, minus the jacket and his hat. Alastor made a mental note to ask him how to do that for himself, it would certainly save him some time. Lucifer rubbed his hand together and brush them over his hair, some sparks of gold magic blinking between the strands for a second before they dissapear, finishing the look. He didn't asked how he looked, but if he did, Alastor would have to say he was dazzling as always. "We are ready, duckling."

Charlie nodded, going to the door for them as they followed behind. On the hallway, Charlie grabbed the sleeve of Alastor as if to make sure he wouldn't get lost on his way to the elevator. So painfully similar as to when she was a little kid dragging him to play with her that Alastor wouldn't dream of breaking her ilusion. Once inside, she wrapped her arms around the middle of Alastor without offering any reason or excuse. Alastor didn't ask for it either, petting her head pleasantly until the floor stopped moving and the door opened up on their own.

"I love you, dad" said against his side. Alastor hummed and kissed her crown, which made Charlie to giggle gently. "Come on."

When they came out, Alastor felt the hand of Lucifer on his waist, walking close to him. The hand laid there comfortably, almost possesive. Alastor pretended he didn't notice or cared, but it was comforting to have that warmth on that point. When they reached a glass door, Charlie pulled out her head through it making a gesture for them to wait a moment.

"Hey, everyone!" said Charlie. "I have kind of a big surprise to announce. I don't really know how else to prepare any of you for this so, here we go!" she sighed, opening the door fully and taking the sleeve of Alastor to pull him with her. "Look who came back from the death!"

"Alive and better than ever!" added Lucifer, making pop up confetti and sparkles out of his hand in front of Alastor, whose only reaction was a blank stare. "Isn't that great?"

This was the family he gave up Heave for. This is what he would have to get used to again.

"Holy shit" said Angel, as Pentious stand up from the couch and Husk recoiled in the couch.

Cherri, sat down in the floor near Angel, had her mouth left open. She too had seen the dead body and assisted to the funeral in Cannibal Town to pay her respect, not to mention pass in front of the memorial portrait on the entrance every day. The only one who didn't looked as shocked was Vaggie, but she was still surprised to actually see him there with her own eye.

"Well…" started Alastor when suddenly his whole head was covered by a tight grip, the smell of desinfectant being an obvious give away of what happened. He had no idea from where she came from. "Hello, Niffty. It's nice to see you again too."

"Scary pretty boy is pretty and scary, but not the same" said Niffty, her voice muffled as coming from between his hair that she was nuzzling. "There is no music when you are not here, so is very silent all the time and I didn't like it."

"I see" sighed Alastor, who couldn't actually see because of her puffy skirt. "I am sorry to hear that, dear."

"I don't want you to go away again, sir."

Alastor palped near where the voice came from, where he assumed was her head, and patted her reassuringly.

"I am not going anywhere, dear. You can count on that."

Niffty made a little groan and finally moved, grabbing to the front of his jacket to look at him. Her big eye still looked sad.

"Really?"

Alastor nodded, smiling bigger. If he didn't already had Charlie, Niffty would have been the closest to a daughter he could have. She certainly had the familiar bloodlust down already.

"I give you my word. Cross my heart and hope to die" said cheekily and Niffy giggle a little. He took her easily on her hands, putting her gently on the ground again"I suppose everyone has a lot of questions. I am willing to answer all to the best of my capacity."

"I have one" said Husk, glaring at him with his teeth barren. The hair of his shoulders and back were standing straight. "What the actual fuck are you doing here? We all saw your dead body and now you strot here like nothing happen. Was that some kind of sick fucking trick you pulled on all of us?"

"Uncle, please" said Charlie, standing in front of Alastor. When seeing her, Husk's expression did soften a bit, but his ears were still pulled back and his tail was swipping the floor from side to side, as if ready for a fight. "Dad had nothing to do with what happened to him. He didn't intend any of that to happen. It was only last night that he was able to come back home."

"Back from where?" asked Angel before Husk had the opportunity to do it. "Back from double hell?"

"Oh, I would say that, indeed. They probably have a different opinion than me, though" said Alastor, vanishing in shadows and materializing back to be in front of everyone. He put his hand on his back as a teacher delivering the right answer to a question that all of them were set to fail, enjoying the effect of anticipation before he spoke. Husk hissed, taking a step back. "They called it heaven instead. I was the first success of our dear manager Charlie and I got out as soon at the first chance I got."

"Bullshit" immediately said Husk. "You, in heaven? Now that is some sick joke if I ever heard one."

Alastor was about to pull out his wings again, let that be proof enough, when Lucifer jumped out first.

"No, it's true" said, going to stand close to Alastor. "He summoned me from Heaven so I could take him out of there and bring him back. I would never confuse that place for anything else."

"Wait, for real?" asked Cherri. "That means you have wings and stuff now?"

"Only wings" pointed out Alastor, tenshing his jaw. "I am not showing them off, so you will have to take the word of Lucifer or Charlie for their existance."

"Why?" continued Pentious, after Charlie confirmed with a firm nod.

Alastor stared at them, narrowing his eyes.

"Is that really the most pressing question right now? Did any of you heard? Redemption as Charlie proposed is possible."

"Okay, but how?" said Angel, shaking his head. "No offense, Smiley, glad you are back and all, but you aren't exactly the poster boy of good behavior so this is only the more confusing for us."

"Nobody told me either why I was there" recognized Alastor with a shrug. "Apparently dying to protect others counted, even if you only intended to take a break to come back and keep killing" He sighed, squeezing his brow between his finger. "I am afraid that any question about how or why Heaven operates the way they do are out of my knowledge. I was just told to be part of Heaven without any reason for it."

"And then you jusst… came back?" asked Pentious, as if the idea didn't made any sense. In a way Alastor could understand. He was one of the very few souls who was hoping to get that opportunity himself. "You… you had the chance to go to Heaven and went back to hell" He thought about it for a moment longer. "No, actually, sscratch that. I believe that coming from you. I can't picture the radio demon just liking Heaven."

At least he knew that.

"How was it like?" Cherri hugged her legs, attentive.

"Awful. Disgusting. Vile. Repulsive. Painfully boring, just to name a few characteristics" Alastor sneared. "For me at least, who had no choice. If you actually want to go there, you are probably going to be fine."

"So that is it then?" asked Angel, looking now between Charlie and Alastor. "Just do whatever the hell you want, die for someone else and that is your ticket? The fuck kind of bullshit is that? Why bother doing anything then?"

"Th-that was just the case for dad" added Charlie, correctly assuming that Angel was starting to get upset at the prospect that he had kept clean for nothing. That all of their hard work didn't really had an effect on whether they ended up in Heaven or not. "We don't really know. Heaven doesn't know either what does make someone end up there."

"That is real comforting, Sweet Cheeks" said Angel, sinking himself in the sofa with two arms crossed. "We are basically back on square one then."

"I disagree" Alastor reclined his weight on his staff. "All this time I thought you were a bunch of hopeless souls that are never going to seek any chance in your lives. Well meaning and full with good intentions, but what is the road to hell paved with again? I never believed any of this could actually change anything in hell" added, making a gesture for all of the hotel, before turning to Charlie. "I was only here because you were here, little fawn, no other reason. But now that I know for an unquestionable fact that it can be done? Well, my fellow sinners, then there might be hope after all. And what is hope if not the last thing to lose?"

Everyone stared at him in silence, trying to process the radio demon of all people in hell being the one talking about hope. The word itself sounded foreign in his mouth. Alastor was aware of how ill fitted that kinda of speech was for him. He was expecting if anything that would make it more impactful, but it seemed to have gained the opposite effect.

"Are we ssure thiss iss the ssame Alasstor?"

"Very well. How about this?" said Alastor instead, sharpening his smile like a butcher his best knife. "If any of you gives up on the efforts of my daughter, I will slaughter you all myself to see if you reach Heaven. We can always experiment and see what happens. Is that better?"

A weird sense of relief washed the room, before they all started voicing their agreement to keep trying anyway. Everyone with the exception of Husk, who was walking away towards another set of doors, away from his bar. Charlie didn't look particularly happy with this development, but couldn't argue with the results either.

As more questions piled on and Charlie was trying to answer with what she knew, Alastor looked over at Lucifer and made a gesture for Husk, just as the winged cat was already getting out. Lucifer nodded, although his face said clearly he didn't like losing sight of him. Alastor took his hand to leave a piece of his shadows inside his palm, before dematerializing right there to go after Husk. That at least would let Lucifer know that he haven't died again.

His new surge of energy made it so much easier to hear the steps of his target walking to the backyard and he made sure to appear in front, at a good distance to not ennerve him.

It didn't do much of a difference.

"Fuck!" yelled Husk, jumping back. He took a hand to his heart as his chest kept moving quickly. "What the fuck? I can't take a fucking walk outside now that you are back? The deal is done. You have no power over me and I don't you owe shit."

"I am aware" said Alastor, as calm as ever.

Husk looked at him up and down, trying to predict what he was going to do now. The lack of any tentacles or other shadows under his feet did not calmed him down. He lifted his arms, just in case.

"You can threaten all you like. I am not giving up my soul ever again."

"Understandable."

Husk hissed.

"Well? What are you waiting for then?"

Alastor looked up to the blood red sky, taking a deep breath. This wasn't any easier for him to say as it would be for Husk to hear it.

"I came here to thank you" let out, the words almost making him cringe at himself. Husk stared at him as if he had just spoken gibberish. Alastor kept going anyway, looking to the bowtie of the winged demon instead of his eyes. "Lucifer told me how things were while I was gone. You and the others were there for him and Charlie when I couldn't. Lucifer said that without your support the hotel wouldn't have come out like it did. You had no obligation to do any of that and yet you did." He did finally looked up and Husk flinched, not expecting the intensity of those eyes. "Because of that, I owe you. You can ask whatever you want of me and it's yours. It's the least I could do. I am not an ungrateful man."

Husk's shoulders finally relaxed, confusion now replacing fear as he continued to observe him, realizing a second too late that Alastor was talking without his filter. There was no way he haven't spend all those years under Alastor to not know what that meant.

"Man, fuck off" said, shaking his head. "I stuck around because I wanted to, not because of you. You can shove that favor up your ass if you want. I don't need shit from you."

"As you wish" Alastor shrugged, walking past Husk back to the hotel. Husk even then kept his distance, moving away from him. "The offer stands. I think it's fair for you to know that I can do a lot more than I could do before, Husk. That is the only one good thing the whole ordeal with Heaven has brough me."

Husk inhaled through his nose, a bitter snort.

"I don't care. I still can't believe they let you in."

"It doesn't have to be for you" added Alastor, already reaching the stairs back to the doors. "Just about anything you think is worth asking."

Alastor already was grabbing the handle when he heard Husk moving closer.

"Wait."

Alastor turned. Better to get this business done with. He hated having to be in debt with anyone.

"I am listening."

Ten minutes later, when Alastor came inside the hotel again, Lucifer pretended to be admiring a vase nearby.

"Oh, hey, Al!" greeted Lucifer, as if he had just realized he was coming and wasn't keeping track of him through the windows. "I was just seeing all these poor plants already. They need a little bit of new life into them, don't you think?"

As he said those words, he extended his hand over the demonic flowers with a golden glow, making them regain their red color and the shine over the eyes at the center.

"I can feel the proximity of my own shadow, you know" said Alastor, calling the dark energy back from the still closed fist of Lucifer. He came close to Lucifer and rubbed his shoulder. "See? Not dead. More than usual at least."

"I… I know" Lucifer swallowed and scratched his neck. "I just… sorry."

Alastor thought at least this time he hadn't called upon his collar. That would have been one awkward conversation to have outside. He considered that an improvement.

"If you are so eager to keep tabs on me, would you like to accompany me to do a small errand into the City?"

"You just came back and already have an errand?" asked Lucifer, turning to him. "Are you sure you don't want to just relax for today? You did went through a lot, babe."

"Oh, trust me, my dear, getting back into the swing of things in Hell is my idea of relaxation after Heaven" He looked over through the glass doors as Husk was sitting under a dead tree, probably licking his own arms to sooth any lingering doubt. It was hard to say since at the distance it was a blurry black spot with red. "Besides, the sooner I finish with this the better."

"If you say so" Lucifer also looked outside for a moment. "Did you managed to talk with Husk? Is he okay?"

Alastor arched an eyebrow.

"Careful, my love. I might start getting ideas if you are so concerned with another man's wellbeing."

"If that man is your daughter's uncle, you should be concerned too" Lucifer refused to take the bait for the distraction, rolling his eyes. So many years togehter didn't went in vain. "Just a yes or no question, Al."

"Then yes and maybe yes."

"What does that mean?"

"It all depends on how quickly can we finish" If it were for him, he would do it all by himself, but him still having to get a good grasp of his powers and Lucifer needing to be around him for the moment, it was inevitable. "I can explain on the way."

Vox was having a good day. Not all of his days were good, even after announcing the best news in decades about the death of a certain annoying deer demon. That high had lasted him for an entire month before the usual wearingess of everyday life came back with a vengeance. His work wasn't easy, but then again, it was a job that he loved to do. On his most stressful times at least he could comfort himself knowing that Alastor was gone for good, but on that day he hadn't even thought about that at all. Why would he need to when the ratings were good, his coffee came out exactly as he wanted it to and he had a bunch of new content ready to pull out for the rest of the day? Val had even been more calm than usual, keeping himself busy with a whole franchise that was due to come out next month.

All those good feelings flew out of the window as soon he opened up the doors to his studio. Alastor, or something that looked to be Alastor at least, was looking over the sizes of the platform where his chair was at.

"Why does this place need to be so big?"

Only then he realized that the aparition wasn't alone either. The tiny king that finally had come out to face the press instead of his daughter was at his side, hands behind his back as he contemplated down the platform. That didn't made any sense. Why would he be hallucinating about the king being there?

"How else is he going to contain all that ego, dear?"

That voice almost send him directly into another forceful blue screen. He didn't, but the hand that was gripping his perfect cup of coffee suddenly lost strenght and the mug shattered against the floor. Some portion of the hot coffe even splattered against his leg.

"Dear."

The king stared at him and pronounced one single word:

"Freeze."

Vox's entire body stayed still, one leg slightly up the air as he assessed the damage on his pants. His eyes concentrated on Alastor, wondering if maybe he was the one doing it somehow. Everything was stuck in place, like he had been drowned on gold and let it harden on top.

That, more than anything, told him that this was definitely not a dream.

He could still move his eyes, so he focused the camera inside his head to Alastor's face, searching the security footage. But there was no recognition from the entire system. It was like those two had just appeared in the middle of his studio out of thin air.

"Disconnect from external sources." continued the king, just as Alastor was taking a couple of steps to reach his chair and sit on there. Vox suddenly couldn't get anything out of the system. He couldn't call anyone or text. It was all message errors coming back, leaving him entirely to the reality of whatever was happening there. Alastor's smile was the same as always as he reclined, relax and comfortable. "Step closer."

His legs started moving on their own, his arms following with the same motions as if he was taking a normal stroll back to work. The king, without taking his eyes out of him, walked likewise at the side of the chair and tilted his head.

"Kneel."

His legs buckles up under him, making his knees to impact harshly on the floor. He gained control of his arms again, but now he was stuck in that place. He looked at the two intruders, his own eyes still focusing more in Alastor as he desperately tried to understand why did he looked fine. His drones had captured the moment in which Lucifer appeared through a portal with the dead body of Alastor, his neck sliced so nicely that the blood had tainted all of his front and back. He even screenshotted and put on his personal folder to see whenever he felt down about anything. That happened, he was sure and more of that was when this same king announced it to the rest of Hell. No illusion could be that convincing.

How, how, how. how.

"Your Majesty…" said, still trying and failing to lift his legs. Not even his feet would move. He was talking to the king, because that was the more immediate and concerning threat, but still keeping watch on Alastor. The Radio Demon tilted his head slightly, amused for his attempt at pretending he wasn't there. "What an honor to have you visiting us in the tower. To what, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Oh, don't mind me" said Lucifer, finally using his normal voice. "I just came for support. It's him you have to listen to."

Without another him in the room to adress, Vox directly finally his screen towards the one occupying his chair as if it always belonged to him.

"Hello, Vox" his voice practically purred. "I imagine it must be surprising to see me after all this time."

"Your stupid friends in Cannibal Town made a whole service for you" Vox pointed out, trying to see if it was an hologram projecting from somewhere, but he couldn't reach none of his other cameras around and the only one working was on his head. He pulled out footage of the funeral to see and definitely, the Cannibal Overlord Alastor was such good friends with was covered in a black veil to hide her distress. "If this is some sort of joke, it's a pretty fucked up one."

"No joke at all" Alastor reclined on the air, joining his hands together on his lap. "Unfortunately I had to pass through that whole ordeal to look for something better."

"What ordeal? Being dead again after losing a battle?" Vox said it hoping that Alastor was going to contradict him and explain himself, say that no, he was somewhere other place and everyone assumed his death.

But he should have known that Alastor wasn't going to do him that favor.

"Exactly" said Alastor as his antler grew bigger. His entire studio was enveloped in pure dark shadows, down to the floor he was against until it looked like they were all three of them floating in space. Even in the darkeness he could distinguish shapes and forms still moving, screams of tortured souls seeming to come from every corner all at once. Alastor stand up from the chair as a ring of green fire rised up around them. When he looked up again, the eyes of Alastor was two glowing green circles floating on the black hones that were his eye sockets. His voice was crackling like the fire, small fluctuation in the volume with each spark. "I might had a lost, but what I have gained in return I would say was more than worth it."

Vox's magic was never the most receptive one to other's people energy, and yet, he knew that this way beyond anything he had seen before. In all the years he had known about Alastor, he had never felt that icy sensation wrapping itself around his chest at the sudden realization of how out of his league he was. How vulnerable and defenseless he was from the moment he opened up the doors.

He looked over at Lucifer, but the king was just calmly looking back at him, not impressed or shocked by the display of horror, as if he was just waiting patiently for this to be over. Somehow that made it worse.

Alastor turned his head to the side, the cracking of his neck bringing back Vox's attention to him. After seeing the fear properly displayed on his face, Alastor slowly came back to a more normal forme. Red eyes almost twinkled with the fun of a kid burning ants with a magnifying glass.

"So you understand now! Excelent, that makes things a little bit easier" He casually turned and sat down again. The sounds of pain and sorrows were toned down, still ever present, as to not let him miss a single word of what Alastor said. "We can talk about what exactly you are going to tell your audience then. First, I will give you the privilege of announcing that I am back from the dead. I know, very generous of me. No need to thank me. You can even talk about this very meeting that we are having right now if you want. None of the details about how it happened or what I was doing during these five months are for you to care or know about. I would like to keep some sense of mystery at least. Are you following thus far?"

Vox realized he was trembling when he forced his head to nod. Alastor could have pulled a gun full of angelic bullets and it wouldn't have been half as terrifying. Something in the dark brushed against his hand and he pulled it closer.

"I want to hear you say it, Vox" said Alastor, his smile ever growing to the point his mouth wasn't moving as he spoke. "Say it."

Vox wheezed, as if he had forgotten to breath for a moment.

"I follow you" said. The ground under his legs seemed to be changing, pulsating. He thought that any moment now it was going to open up to some mouth and swallow him home. That would fit so perfectly with Alastor's style that it was almost funny. "You came back from the dead. With more power. Nobody will know why. You just did."

"Very good!" Alastor chuckled to himself, supporting his chin on his hand over the armrest. "Now to the second issue, the reason why I came back. You can add a little more flare to it if you want, but the short version of it is that I came to claim my new role in hell." At those words, even the king finally looked over at Alastor with a slight frown. Alastor winked an eye at him before he continued: "I am going to become the first ever King of Overlords here in hell. All other overlords are free to come and try me, and I will be ever so glad to take their souls once I devour theirs. I count with the full approval of the king of hell himself, isn't that right?"

"I mean" Lucifer said, shrugging. "Sure, why not."

Alastor almost rolled his eyes, as if he was expecting a more enthusiastic response than that, but didn't let that to water down his good humor.

"And as the new King of Overlords" he followed through, "I will overseas over the works of all others Overlord. That means that if any of them says a word I don't like, repeat a word I didn't approve or do anything at all that could bother me, they will be stripped off their power if I don't decide to kill them directly, whichever I think is more appropriate in each case. That very much includes you, Vox, so I hope you know to keep it professional whenever it come to report about me or the hotel I am working at."

"What?" Vox for the first time blinked out of his terrified state, looking confused. "Are you… are you serious? Are you still going to be working in that stupid idea? Why?"

At that, a tentacles wrapped itself around his chest, trapping his arms at his side. The pressure wasn't enough to start making his rib cage start to give, but it could, it very easily could. Normally at that point he would try to transfer his consciousness to any other device just in case, but didn't had that option there.

"What did we say about the details, Vox?"

The tentacles released him just enough to let him gather enough air to breath.

"They… they don't matter."

"No, you don't matter enough to know about them. There is a difference" Alastor smiled, amused. "You can also announce that the hotel Charlie Morningstar is managing is officially under the protection of the King of the Overlords. If anyone ever comes to damage any of those walls or touch a single hair from any of it's residents anywhere close to that property, they won't have enough time to feel any satisfaction from it before I had my own fun with their remains. Got all of that?"

"Y-yes."

"Very well" Alastor snapped his fingers and all the shadows dissapeared, along with the tentacles. The floor came back to be solid and the blue of all of his screen was almost as shiny as neon as they came. "You have been exceptionally receptive, Vox. I appreciate that. Who knew that all someone needed in order to get you to listen was to be more persuasive?"

Vox moved to stand up. It was useless, of course, because it wasn't the magic of Alastor retaining him there.

Alastor saw his attempt and hummed content with himself as he rose from the chair, conjuring his staff to shuffle it in front of him.

"You can make the announcement this afternoon. I have other things I want to put in order before then. How you feel about 5:00 pm exactly? Until then you can keep going with whatever mindless entertainment you were doing as usual."

Vox let his arms slump, knowing there was no other choice there. He had a segment scheduled for that timeslot, but what did it matter now?

"Fine."

Alastor nodded his head. He turned to the king and made a small gesture towards him. Lucifer looked over at Vox, his eyes turning to red for a brief moment as the words came out.

"You are free."

Suddenly the undefinable pressure was gone. Vox moved first his feet to test it out and them quickly stand up, almmost fumbling with his own feet before he could take a step back. His connections were still all down.

"Nice talk, my good man!" said Alastor, walking casually past him. The king followed, not even throwing him a second glance. Vox turned around, slowly making his way to his chair to control it manually and press the emergency button. He was under no ilusion that any of his defenses could do anything against the king of hell himself, but at least would alert everyone else on the tower that there was a intruder and maybe distract them enough.

"Ah! I was forgetting something else I wanted to show you" Alastor stopped in his tracks and walked a few steps to stand next to the king, taking his chin gently with one finger. Lucifer frowned a little at the gesture, but gave a small nod in response to a silent question.

Vox was still walking backwards when Alastor bended to kiss the king. He lose his footing and end up in the ground as Lucifer lifted a hand to hold the back of Alastor's neck. That alone could have been enough to make him sick, but the look that Alastor had for the king on the brief moment when they stopped kissing gave him the feral desire of eat his chair, one bite at a time. He had never seen him look at nothing or anyone like that.

Lucifer caressed the cheek of the radio demon and it was so disgustingly intimate that it was almost like he was the one introding there. That weird, unexpected moment, at least for him, lasted just a second before Lucifer returned his red eyes back at him.

"If you recorded any of that, delete it right now."

Vox already knew that resisting was not going to work, but he still lift up his hand to his head in horror as he could feel the footage he got going straight to the shredder. When he lifted up his vision again, Alastor was hugging onto the king of hell and keeping him closer to himself as his shadows consumed the both of them. Before they dissapeared, Alastor send him a tiny wink and that, that is what end up making him go blue screen, losing control of his body.

--

Valentino was having a stressful day. Five scenes had to be ready for editing for that day alone and it was like nobody was putting their backbone as much as they should have.

"Again, carajo! From the top to the bottom. On the two senses" ordered to the camera, so they knew who to follow more closely and also to redue the whole scene. The two actors on the school uniforms fixed themselves a little as the camera man prepared to make the signal.

When the door to his studio opened up, he turned around, ready to bark at whoever was interrupting that they could go fuck themselves. But the words dissolved into his mouth at the sight of who it was. Or who they pretended to be, because it was impossible to be the real deal. Vox made him watch the footage enough times to be convinced of that. The only thing new was the white snake around his neck, but otherwise he hardly could forget that tacky suit.

"Nice costume, guapo, but we aren't doing that kind of works today" said, regaining his composure. "If you can kidnly take your skinny ass out of here, I would like that."

The red demon laughed accompanied by radio sounds that made Valentino stare from his seat. He stand up slowly as Alastor strode inside the studio like he was on his own home.

"Oh, Valentino, has your sight gone even worse than it was since the last time I saw you? Don't you recognize an old friend when you have it in front of you?"

Valentino stand up, cigarrete in hand. If that fucker thought he could intimate him so easily, he had another thing coming.

"I see your personality still matches the outside" said with a smile, wondering why the fuck Vox wasn't doing anything about this. He had installed how many cameras around his studio and the towers, but this was the one time he wasn't paying attention? Around them, he could hear the rest of the crew whispering. "Alastor, how rude of me. How you been since crawling out of the grave? Was it nice? Was it comfy? Maybe you should get back to it."

"It was delightful. Certainly more than whatever disgusting trash you are doing here, of course!" Alastor laughed, smiling wider when Valentino huffed.

"You never could appreciate a damn thing that wasn't your own stupid ass" spat. "And people call me narcissist. At least I have fun while doing it."

"As much is always fun to exchange quips with you, Valentino, I didn't came for this. Would you mind leaving the studio for us alone?" said to the rest of the crew. Since none of them moved and Valentino didn't gave any indication they could listen to him, they just stayed on their place. "I wasn't asking."

Just about as he finished his phrase, a bunch of tentacles sprout of a bunch of shadows that invaded the studio. Each of them took someone and throw them out of the door that Alastor kept open. A couple of assistant tried to run, leaving the marks of their claws on the floor as they were being thrown out, knocking cameras, lights and props all over until they were the two only ones standing.

"¿Qué mierda has hecho?" Valentino looked around in horror at his set, his perfect good school set that had stayed with him during three very succesful movies and it's sequels. He sneared at Alastor casually closing the door behind him. "Do you have any fucking idea how much this is putting us behind schedule, cabrón."

"No hablo español" said Alastor with a big smile, "but if I did, I would tell you not to worry about any of that right now. Don't bother expecting for Vox" added, noticing the glance that Valentino threw to one of the cameras. "He is indisposed for the moment. Don't worry, he will be perfectly fine after another reset. You, on the other hand, I can't say the same thing about."

"I have nothing to talk to you" Valentino started walking towards one of his drawer, when one of the tentacles grabbed him by the waist and elevated him on the air. Just by touching that slimey dark texture he already knew something was different. A demon like him would never forget the tentacles that had touched him. "Well, well, someone got some extra juice on him. If you wanted to brag about what you can do now, you should have told me, Al. I would have gotten some girls very enthusiastic about this exact kind of things just for you. Or you prefer boys? Maybe both?"

The snake around Alastor's neck started hissing in his direction and Alastor chuckled, scratching under the chin of the animal.

"I didn't came for none of that" said, barely making a gesture with his hand to throw Valentino across the room. When the moth demon landed harshly on his side, another tentacles grabbed him by the ankled and hang him on the air. "I came for Angel Dust."

Valentino let out a laugh. Somewhere on his head was bleeding, making it drip into the floor. His heart shapped glasses were gone off his face, forcing him to squint to follow Alastor.

"Well, fuck me, papi, it seems you have bad timing. He doesn't work today."

"Oh, I know" Alastor lowered Valentino enough to be on eye level. "Nullify his contract and I will be out of your… non existent hair immediately."

"Ah, I see. So you are the reason why he is not coming here so much, huh? You two have been cozy in that stupid hotel of the Morningstar brat? Did you enjoy fucking that ass, Al? You don't have to be jelous because he comes to be fucked by bigger men than you. That is just a job, nothing personal" Valentino growled, reaching his hand for him, only for Alastor to slam him against the floor against before elevating him in the air. Despite the hit he had just taken, Valentino just laughed with whatever air he could get. "Fuck, that ass really has you down bad, don't you?"

"Charming as usual" Alastor's sarcasm dripped like petrolium out of his lips. "I would actually prefer to be in another place right now than deal with you. Just destroy his contract or else we both are going to waste a lot of time here."

Valentino didn't answered, taking a deep breath. He balanced his body from the ankle that was grabbed and spit a red puff smoke all over the face of Alastor, laughing to himself until he noticed that Alastor just swatted it with a expression of mild annoyance in his face. His pupils remained the saim, the same as if he was breathing the same air of hell rather than his fermons. In the past even Alastor could be affected by them, that is why the radio demon always kept his distance. Why wasn't it working anymore? Not even his stupid snake seemed to react in any way.

"Hard way it is" decided Alastor.

Two hours laters, Alastor had grabbed a towell from the bathroom to clean up the blood on his face and hands. He could have done it all with his tentacles, but where was the fun in that?

"You have to admit, he lasted a lot" commented Lucifer on his snake form, his white scales turned a bright red. "I thought he would give up when you crushed his foot."

Alastor nodded, untangling him from his neck to give him a quick wash on the sink. The water immediately turned red as Lucifer wiggled, rolling around between his hands to every portion of him got the water. Once he was all cleaned, he shook himself like a dog and crawled over the arm of Alastor to reach his head, planting himself like a living crown.

"Valentino was always a tough one" recognized, now cleaning up his hand with a bar of soap nearby. Lucifer at least had already clean up his suit and it was spotless, like usual. "Pity all that will went towards the worst goals imaginable."

"That is everyone in hell, babe" pointed out Lucifer, resting his head between the black antlers.

"You got a point, love."

"He did accept once you told him you were coming to destroy Vox" noted Lucifer, as if that fact still impressed him. Alastor made a neutral hum in response. It wasn't like it was any secret for anyone who knew those two what kind of attachment they had to each other. "Mmm, you know. We should probably not tell Charlie about this."

"Not a single word" Alastor cleaned up some splatters on his cheek too using his own sleeve. He wasn't about to put anything on that place near his face. "Hopefully she will appreciate Angel's freedom regardless."

Lucifer slithered his head down, bomping his snout gently against his temple as it were a kiss.

"I know you didn't do it because you care about Angel, but I want you to know I am proud of you anyway."

"Shut up."

Alastor looked down, splashing more water on his face that suddenly felt warmer than before.

From outside the bathroom, an alarm started ringing. The sound of multiple shutters closing over the windows could be heard. Either Vox had finally come to their senses or someone else had alerted about their presence. Squeads of security guards would come any time to pick what was left of Valentino and look for them.

"Time to go, dear" said Alastor.

"Where did you say you wanted to go after this?"

--

In the park of Cannibal Town there were always decorative statues, not about any one particular cannibal or being. Just families of bronze and stone to incite more families to spend time on the same space. The only difference was a bust smiling close to the sign welcoming visitant to that part of the city.

Alastor read the plaque underneath. The Radio Demon, friend of cannibals. Alastor Abaddon.

"I really consider it having your real name" commented Lucifer, resting around his neck. The snake sighed. "You weren't here, so what is the point of the secret, right? But Charlie was already having a hard enough time with everyone wanting to know more about the extermination or her hotel, so I didn't want to pile more on top of that by saying by the way, here is her secret other father."

"Thank you" commented Alastor, observing his own face closer. "It's remarkably well done. Who had the idea?"

"Rosie mentioned she wanted to have something to remember you by after the service. I think it was Charlie who suggested the bust actually. I had it made and them gifted it to the Town as a token of gratitude for their participation" Lucifer nuzzled against his neck, his longue flicker against the jaw of Alastor. "I am sure she will be glad to see you."

Alastor nodded, fixing up his suit even thought there was no need whatsoever. This was the only reason he told Vox to put off the announcement for a few hours. After he was gone, Rosie had been keeping in contact with Charlie to check on her regularly. The least she deserved was to be told directly about what happened instead of going with whatevere filtered version came out from the teleivision.

The town itself seemed to come back to normal, but Alastor didn't miss the way some black eyes were following his movements and started murmuring. Alastor pretended as if he didn't notice as he made his way to the Emporium of Rosie, but just as he was about to open the door it burst open for the owner.

"Oh" said Rosie, grabbing his face. She frowned deeply, pulling on his cheeks as if to pull a mask. When that didn't gave her anything, she inspected his hair, thankfully not pulling on that one as hard. "I heard a handsome devil like my good friend Alastor was walking around."

"So soon?" said Alastor, making his ear move just for her to see. "I have been barely out for a few hours."

"I know everything" Rosie made a dismissive hand gesture, swatting away any doubt on her capacity to get the latest gossip.

She tentatively went to touch his antlers, but at that point she didn't need it anymore. She let her hand slip from the top of his head to his cheek, looking into his eyes.

"Illusion spell" said under her breath. Alastor blinked. How the hell did she know that? She haven't even seen his sleeves, she shouldn't have been able to notice the sigil. "But those are familiar eyes all the same. Alright" said, crossing her arms at last. "Tell me one thing that only Alastor would know."

Alastor didn't even had to think about it. Getting closer to her and putting his hand to cover his mouth, he whispered into her ear in such a low voice that even Lucifer couldn't quite catch it.

"My husband makes me happy, just like my little fawn Charlie."

"Awww!" cooed Rosie, before realizing that is what she asked and she squealed, hugging him by the neck. Lucifer smile went up to Alastor's head, making Rosie to frown at his presence, but otherwise more concentrated on holding both hands of Alastor. "Come inside, sweetie, come inside right now!"

Inside of her emporium, Rosie put in charge of attending the clients to some of her employees and dragged Alastor to the back to sit him down on her couch as she occupied the seat at the side.

"First things first" said Rosie, pointing above his head. "Who is this little fellow coming with you?"

"Hi, Rosie" said Lucifer, waving with the extreme of his tail.

Rosie giggled softly.

"Should have imagined it. It's nice to see you again, your Majesty."

"Likewise. The store is looking pretty good!"

Rosie nodded, bringing two cups of tea and opening a box full of lady fingers.

"I imagine if you came like that, you want to be discreet" she commented, setting up the small table as Lucifer made his way down Alastor's arm, going for the box.

"Yes, but I don't want to interrumpt or anything. Just pretend I am not here."

"With your permission, your Majesty" Rosie bowed slightly her head and then grabbed the hand of Alastor. "Okay, now that is settled, do tell me everything. I want to hear a very good explanation for what happened!" insisted, more excited with having him there, unharmed and alive, than anything else.

How could Alastor ever refuse her with a welcome such as that one? Between cups of tea, he told him the most abridged version of everything he could without going too deep into anything. When it came to the part of Lucifer being summoned to take him out of Heaven, he still went with the deal rather than contract explanation. Rosie's lip pursed for a second, doubtful, but didn't ask further question once he said in a lighhearted tone that falling was probably one of the worst pains he ever had in his life.

"That is an incredible story, dear. And I am sure there are some pieces you are not telling me, but I will trust you have your reasons for it" said Rosie, never losing her polite smile as all of that informated crashed on her like an avalancha. Alastor didn't thought she would. She was a true lady, through and through. "But if you are here with Lucifer, I guess I will have to believe it" she extended her hand and squeezed his, just as Alastor returned the gesture. "I am so sorry you went through that, my friend. It sounds like you went through a whole journey of your own, but it's good to see that you found your way home."

Alastor lifted her hand to kiss it delicately.

"Me too."

"Now, would you explain to me why do you have a illusion spell on?" She clicked her tongue when he arched an eyebrows, questioning. "Honey, there is a store that sell those just two buildings from here. I helped the owner to develop them, so of course I recognize it. But this is something else" commented. "You could fool probably even that owner with it. Why do you need it?"

Alastor sighed, looking to the curtain of the entrance and Rosie understood. She stand up to close it more firmly and then do the same for her windows, leaving them with the lightbuld in the ceiling. Once that was done and Rosie was back on her seat, Alastor pressed on the sigil twice to reveal what was now his true face.

"Oh, goodness" said Rosie, cupping his cheek, darker now and inspecting the blood red hair now. "Well, that is different, for sure."

"Charlie this morning thought I was an imposter with a bad wig" commented Alastor, now incapable of not finding the humor on the whole situation.

"You can't blame that poor girl. She missed you so much and you didn't even thought of telling her as soon you came back. Of course she would be shocked."

"That was kinda my fault" said Lucifer, curling around the tea pots since it was still warmth. "I promised her I would have breakfast with her and then I didn't. I was… kinda all over the place."

"Your Majesty, you went through a lot already. I am not going to blame you for that. Alastor, in the other hand…" There was a teasing smile pulling at the corner of her mouth and Alastor had to shrugg.

"In my defense, my soul had just burn."

"Excuses, excuses" Rosie giggled, kissing his cheek just as Alastor was pressing the sigil again. "But once the shock wore off, how was she?"

"Better" said Alastor. "I think she will be good from now on."

"Keep an eye out for her anyway, darling. I should really visit one day of these days" Rosie sighed, serving some more tea for herself before going on a completely different tangent on gossip. Alastor crossed his legs and listened, grateful for the return to normalcy.

When they returned to the hotel, carrying a huge cut of meat that Rosie insisted on gifting them with, Alastor stared at his own portrait on the entrance, recognizing the style immediately.

"We should probably turn that down now" commented Alastor.

Lucifer jumped from his shoulder, transforming into his demon form to look at it too.

"Why? You look good."

"Not all hotels have a painted portrait of it's employees hanging for everyone to see."

"They would if their faces are worth seeing" chuckled Lucifer, conjuring a duster to clean it up a little before turning to Alastor. "The painting is staying, babe. I like to see it now and I am sure Charlie feels the same."

"If anyone ask, it was not my decision. I am not taking the narcissism accusations for it" Alastor walked into the lobby, immediately being received by six arms hugging him. Four of them lifting him up the ground.

"You-you-you are the best father everrr" was crying Charlie, which wasn't that surprising, but then also Angel was the one openly sobbing.

"Husk told me what happened! I don't know what to do to thank you. I promise you to never, ever, say another bad thing about you again, Alastor, thank you so much!" finally managed to understand Alastor before it degenerated into just whinny sounds of pure, heartbreaking relief.

Well, for another person that would have been moving. Alastor instead dissolved into his shadows from the ground and stayed on a side. Seemingly without minding, Angel and Charlie hugged each other as they kept crying into each other's arms. Eventually Lucifer joined them too, because of course he would.

"Hey" called Husk. When Alastor looked at him, he extended a hand. "You are still an asshole and I won't ever trust you with shit. I don't even want to know how you did it. But still… thank you."

"None at all" Alastor looked at the hand just as Husk was about to retire it and he took it instead, giving him a firm shake. "I paid my debt for looking after my family."

"It was never a debt, you dumb motherfucker. You are the only one who sees it like that." Husk huffed. They both released the other at the same time. "Whatever."

The winged cat rolled his eyes, going over to the group to try to talk down Angel, who now was kneeling in the ground, shaking on his sobs, squeezed between the two Morningstar. Alastor decided it was the best for everyone to let them be and kept walking to the kitchen, where Vaggie was setting up some tea. No doubt to calm down Charlie and Angel once they were ready.

"Ah, welcome back, sir" greeted Vaggie with a half smile. "I will just finish with this and I will be leaving the kitchen."

"Don't rush on my account, Vaggie" Alastor put the meat on the fridge, conciously avoiding the surprise look on her face as he gave her his back. He tapped on the door of the fridge as if looking for something else. It probably hurt like hell for her too when she fell. Lucifer had decided to like her on that base alone. He didn't know if he had that same inclination, but she too had stayed at Charlie's side through it all and that counted for something. She had even been there being the first supporter of her idea, even before both of her parents were. "Do we have coffe by any chance?"

"Um…" Vaggie needed a second to react being aknowledged by her father in law. She then cleared her throat and reached for the cupboard. "Y-yes, sir, there is a couple of bags still. Mostly for Angel and Husk because nobody else drinks it."

When she turned around, Alastor was already at her back and she almost dropped it.

"Thank you, Vaggie" said, taking it from her hands and moving to prepare it.

"You are… welcome. Sir" Vaggie brushed her hair as she went to attend the boiling water.

Neither of them added another word, preparing their beverages, but Vaggie still smiled a little to herself. When a soft melody started coming of Alastor's staff, Vaggie hummed with it when Husk finally managed to bring the trio over.

--

At night, Alastor was absolutely beat but satisfied. Charlie had not beeing satisfied until she gave her a fully detailed tour of the new hotel, showing off their new characteristic and giving a long explanation for each one. Alastor noticed that the circus theme of his husband was more present than ever, but it was still toned down to allow something slightly classier that almost didn't made him criticize the tacky aspects. He still had to do it, for sure, and Lucifer was at the ready to argue on it's favor until Charlie called their attention again.

They had a big dinner where Charlie asked for another story and he spoke with her arm hugging his, while Lucifer was locking his hooves with his under the table. Not to try to be sexy, just to keep touching him someway as he engaged in conversation with the others.

It had been fun, he had to admit. But also exhausting and he couldn't wait to get under the bedsheets and just sleep all he couldn't back in Heaven. He was sure that Lucifer too would appreciate the uninterrupted rest.

"Al" called Lucifer, stopping mid unbottoning of his vest.

"Mmm" said Alastor mid yawn. His brain started to stir awake again when realizing that Lucifer's eyes were glowing gold, looking to their window. He had never seen him do that. "What is wrong?"

"An angel has just fallen into hell."

[plutobutartsy]

You Mentioned OCs. (np)

oh di i'm so excited you asked about them i'm actually jumping up and down rn bc like,,, i've had these two for YEARS, i rotate them in my mind every single day and with all the media i consume i always think ok but what if the protagonists were ACTUALLY my ocs like i'm so mentally ill about them

their names are Briar and Evelyn (Evie for short) and they're both so silly and so disgustingly in love, think vincent and lovely but ten times worse

also this got like REALLY long so don't feel obligated to read it all lol

let's start with my boy Briar

his name frequently gets mistaken for Brian and it makes him so irrationally angry lol

he's a born vampire! so no old man activities this boy is like 17 as of now

he's the one who knows how to cook! he makes food for others as a love language

also fun fact there's like an actual vampire cuisine in this universe so vampires can consume food that's not just blood and still get nutritional value out of it

his family are part of the older vampire generation technically? what i mean is his family have been vampires for a few centuries now so they're kinda rich and well known

that said, his parents are for sure around 80-100 but him and his sisters are young!

as i've said he's only around 17 and he's the youngest out of his siblings

he has 3 older sisters (20ish, 24 and 28) and they're all very protective of him because omg!!!! that's their baby brother!!!

sometimes too protective to the point where they underestimate him and make him feel bad,,, woops!

he still really looks up to them and puts them on a bit of a pedestal, making him an overachieving perfectionist while he strives to get to what he assumes is their level

spoiler alert this results in a lot of angst and him not feeling good enough despite his parents and sisters never really pressureing him to do anything

he definitely tries to hide his insecurity by overcompensating and acting more arrogant than he is but his friends can read him like a book lol

"i had this leftover because i made too much on accident, eat it so i don't feel bad about being wasteful. honestly you should feel honored to be allowed to taste my cooking" translation: "you seemed stressed so i made you your favourite meal but please don't bring it up or i'll die. hope you like it ^-^"

terrified of bugs which is unfortunate since his 3rd sister loves them and keeps them as pets

when i said overachiever i meant it. student body president. excels in most sports. top grades.

he has to be perfect or he will literally die (real) (not fake)

oh he's also scared of dogs and he's very pathetic about it. i'm talking he sees a tiny puppy and he crosses to the other side of the street.

works at a convenience store because he doesn't want to end up being a spoilt rich brat stereotype lol the old ladies at check out love him because he always offers to carry their bags to their car for them

tries to act all serious and grown up when he's around his sisters to impress them but it's a lost cause

he's a complete sweetheart please tell him he's doing a good job and watch trashy dramas and reality tv with him

okie Evie time :3

she's a witch!! wohoo magic

she has like a billion siblings

jk just 5 but still

all of them are adopted and a different magical being (for example her older brother is a werewolf) simply because i think it's funny

listen hear me out: her dad is like fucking bruce wayne, adopting kids left and right, but he's just a regular schmegular human so i think it's hilarious that he adopts a new kid and he's all like "oh great they're just human phew no stress for me"

just to find out that no, this child is in fact NOT human, and on top of that they're an entirely different species than the rest of his kids so he has to learn about their specific needs and quirks and whatnot all over again

listen it's hilarious

okay anyways

evie stress bakes!! so she always has new stuff to give to others because WOW girl you're stressed beyond measure

brought 5 loafes of bread to school once to give to her friends. "thanks but you already gave me 2 yesterday my family really can't eat all of that :(" "girl PLEASE you have to help me i have 12 more at home and my dad is fucking PISSED he told me to get rid of them immediately."

if Briar needs to be perfect or else he will die, then Evelyn needs everyone to like her or she will die

she's honestly a bit of a pushover because of that but she's working on it and has made great progress (therapy queen)

fashion lover and lover of cute things

her outfits look like a claire's threw up on her

her magic manifested when she was like 5 when she got into a fight with her brother and she just. launched his ass into the sky lol

that accident broke his leg and made her resent her powers for a bit

like she wanted nothing to do with them and straight up refused to go to a school where she would learn about them. her dad was so worried because suppressing magic longterm makes you actually sick

that is until a friend of her dad explained to her that learning to control her powers would help her prevent any more accidents

that friend is called Makena and we love her! she's a witch as well and ended up giving Evie private lessons and also helped Evie's dad with learning about magic and how to care for non-human kids

at first Evelyn rly sucked at magic like REALLY sucked at magic and she was like, are you serious this is ASS

but she was just a slow learner and is really good now :)

works at Makena's cafe in an effort to help with her social skills

i have drawings of these two somewhere but it's been a while so i can't fund them 😭

[zalrb]

do you think delena could've made more sense if they played up Elena's cognitive dissonance when it came to Damon like he knew her since she was wha 16/17? and actively groomed her, and since she was a high schooler who was being groomed she might not have understood the true implications of daroline, instead she just saw it as "wow he was a dick to her" bc caroline was somewhat okay w him, and stefan despite disapproving always kept him around so he couldn't have been THAT bad so she basically had a fucked up perspective regarding abusive relationships

ummm, for me it was more like a route they could've gone is if they made elena like the DErs who come into my inbox:

And I would be completely OK with a seventeen year old Elena thinking that dangerous, all-consuming love is exciting without actually experiencing it because teens do that, teens see something or hear something and it sounds good in theory and then it happens to them and they’re like nope, I lied, I don’t want this,

...

I have also said that I could see Elena being attracted to the idea of Damon, the way the Delena fandom is attracted to and romanticizes the idea of Damon where, like, a part of her likes the fact that he’d let everyone die to save her, is flattered by the fact that when she says something to hurt him, he spirals out of control, misconstrues his toxic behaviour as intense love and finds herself curious about him because he comes on strong all the time only for them to get together and realize how unbelievably awful it is to be in that relationship

...

I remember talking to DErs who thought Stefan was so conceited and arrogant because a) he didn’t think Damon was a real threat to his relationship to Elena b) he says “you have me” when Elena says she’s has no one in 3x20 whereas Damon was so great because he was consistently insecure about his relationship to Elena since he knew she was so much better than him. And I was like, OK, barring all of the homicidal and predatory shit that Damon has done, I can see why in theory you think it’s great that this man is so worried about losing his girlfriend and is essentially like “ugh I’m a mere mortal dating a GODDESS” except that’s not how that really plays out. Damon being consistently insecure about his relationship with Elena means that she has to constantly stroke his ego and assure him. Damon being so insecure about his relationship with Elena means that when Elena seemingly confirms his insecurities, the first thing he does is kill her friend and kidnap her brother to be tortured when he had already killed her brother previously because she didn’t stroke his ego one night and he felt bad.

and to add to that, if Elena was really like, no no i can change him, i can make him better, combined with Elena rationalizing that Damon was just feeding on Caroline and not understanding or appreciating the full extent of what happened and then once she gets into the relationship realizing her own naivete.

[theorist-influencer-untitled]

12.7.24 Saturday-- Saturnsay 3 things Roman God, Planet & Rocket. Angel of death spare the life of nana...

8:09 am

Still,have windblow...

I didn't know that Mitch played games since the start of "Show Time" ....Did she give me a simple battery? Or they are just happy without me around???

Maturity is a thing to be respected on each other.

This will be the saddest part of my life knowing that some old friends, new people that I met coming from different "walks of life" they said I'm their FRIEND, hoping even some relatives until 4th or 5th or 6th or 7th or must be on 8th and 9th degree until it is fading,hoping and praying they take the word FRIEND from the heart. Praying and hoping as well some distant chinese friends will be on mutual... No 6 and I must go in? Go in where? THINGS THAT I DON'T KNOW EVER SINCE LIKE SINCE 2007? I know they have the power to do religious act of switching spirit!

I really can't understand...Go in where??? No one explains to me... Go in where? In the manhole???

The "GAME ONLY ENDS WHEN WE SAY IT ENDS" .....by: Escape Room ( done,watching Tournament of Champions )..

It is just fucking weird and unfair in my part when I met "hammer" ... I met him 2007? But he judged my heart, he judged my entire being... For Minos, the game maker,that a hammer sees everyone as a nail.

Hammer means your truth is your truth! That probably they put me or us in a game or I just included myself coz I'm completing the puzzle pieces.Based on the movie "That every single thing you see is a CLUE" like I love ish!!!

You will never know the answer coz you don't take hints and clues seriously... I tried to move forward coz ish is really my blood related someone. But they didn't take me seriously for 17 years they just enjoy each other's company and they just love me just like this a flat poops!

Then, they will take away ish from me and be the first one then they made me a 2nd choice???

"Everything you see reinforces your existing belief so that you will be in an endless loop" because you guys wanted to be in a loop of forever young and leaving me just like a flat poops! But Minos loves me,hoping he is having a fair heart. Like if Mitch or if anyone started their own game since 2007? Without telling it to me until these days probably my aunt Wena ( my Aunt who is part of NBI ) is included on that game. "The game is all there and all there is the game".

Can I give that as a punishment?

Blood is thicker than water! Oil is the friendship in my water.

In the movie there is a train... Remember the train? But here they gave you a punisher train coz all you wanted is to win the game for the money or fame! Everyone is SELFISH in that game since 2007!

Since,they gave you a "punisher train" it is not an actual truck it will be uncoupled coz the game maker knew that you guys didn't want me around or you didn't even tell me directly... What's goin' on???

There will be no emergency break! Probably it is happening on them they are now on an "abandoned station" coz the game maker knew that they are all selfish, they just wanna get the money and fame for themselves to win the game. For her or him to prove that she or he can, what's inside her or his heart is to be unfair or having an arrogant heart that I can win this game on my own ways...I wanna remove Peachy, coz we don't need Peachy at all!

Probably, the game maker will remove the signal or simply will not link to them as a punishment but I'm here so the game maker will bend a lil to save me, to save Peachy...

The game maker in the movie they can hi-jacked the train or reinforce the door. To punish the players coz they said they don't need Peachy at all!!!

The game maker planned to make all trains uncoupled! To be fair on Peachy or on me? I've been here all alone planning good things for my family and friends and I'm open to good hearted people to be my friend. I know I'm a friend or I can be a friend of the game maker.

The game maker knew me ever since that I was the leather one here, so the game maker open the door to have some links on people who claimed that they are for me but I don't know what's inside their heart.

The game maker ordered "All false advertising must be pulled" ( tokens are behind the ads ). They need to complete the 9 tokens while in the punisher train. 9 tokens someone real and religious for them to be saved...

The players said they are for me that they needed money for me? But game maker observation when they can get some rights,they remove Peachy. Game maker gave them the hard time to claim the 9 tokens for them to go onto the next level or to claim money.... But what is the motive? What are their hearts???

Game maker said find the keys to cut the rubber. On 8th token it says "Lose yourself to get tokens".

Then, probably for the bad hearts it will be hanged man!

When the players got the 9 tokens the door open but it went down....Going down... ( vlog theme inspired from the movie THE ESCAPE TOURNAMENT OF CHAMPIONS ).

10:09 am

Still,have windblow....

Thanks,Crysette for the pancit and some white bread for me and John....

10:21 am

Still,have windblow...

Done eating with John probably will have late lunchie coz we seldom eat breakfast or this is considered BRUNCH or my intermittent diet...

Let's continue on the movie with a blend of my vlog inspired from the movie The Escape ( tournament of champions ).

Here in the movie there are 6 players but probably they started 500 then went to 100 then 50 then there are chosen 6 groups or 6 people came from different organizations. But me? I wanna suggest a 12 groups to the game maker if we are gonna do some games again... I will call it heart-hurt games, real or not only real can suvive.

Since I said Borgy, I will be on Araneta now... I wanna suggest a heart-hurt games, real or not only real can survive! But Borgy is still on the list of friends probably a 2nd God or facilitator on some royalties games here...

Only good hearts can survive... I still hate Manalo!

There is an organization called illuminati but here in the movie they called it illuminus bank or Bank of Death.

But again this game called "heart-hurt games, real or not only real can survive!".

This is the bank underground, this is legal on some powerful organization but only chosen players, it can be a reward train or a forever punisher train!

This is as well a game of FREE WILL!

I have some lollipops on my tray but what is the motivation? Remember,you will get some papers from the Bank of Death!

This is just purely from the movie itself -- "For the payment following the death of a loved one". ( This case for my people and friends and relatives who are truly into me or genuinely love me, coz I'm also asking a mercy on my nana. For the angels of death still spare her life. Allow good people to have a bit of right to get some alms or cash from the bank of Death. But the kind of DEATH that I want is killing my soul with love and respect ).

There is Sonya.... Probably, she is the Goddess who is managing the bank bills. But the rule in the movie put some blood on it...

In my game rule, I wanna suggest to game maker to not put a standard on Sonya. I mean Sonya can be a shorty girl like me or there will be an another Sonya who is taller than me and an another Chubby Sonya.

Good Luck Sonya! Wanted Sonya!!??? This is heart-hurt games, real or not only real can survive!

Blood Money-- this is the term called when someone got paid for a death, came from the Bank of Death.

The main pincode in the movie is 0526! They wanted to open the vault of money. In New York it is 12:09, 3:02 in London and 12:03 in Shanghai.

The illuminous Bank Vault has a written words: "Plot the course by the hours of the day.... Count the minutes every step of the way".

Again, I have different lollipops on my tray and be careful on the tiles you walk-on....What is the motivation of anyone, for getting my lollipops on my tray???

This will be a difficult game for a bad hearts ( atrimitidah )they keep on interfering on me again....Game maker wanted a religious 9 hearts of diamonds.

But in the movie for them to pass the challenge to get into vault it should be 9 straight tiles then 3 going to the right then 3 going forward most specially in Shanghai. But in New York it is a war zone... In London it is final it must be forever!!!

In the movie "Money makes the world turn. Don't let it stop or else it all end". It is now HEXAGON NOT PENTAGON....

But I believed I'm the friend of the game maker... I wanna twist the game into Hepatagon or Octagon but what is the free will for stealing or getting my lollipops on my trays???

The black tiles can be a positive one if everyone will maintain the transparency on our map. I should know as well,angels!

In the beach there will be 2 way out, it is either going to refrigerator or going up to the light house.

In the movie they wanted the anchor to stop on Hour Glass Bay ( this is just those amazon women but they wanted to suggest to lift the lil boat like me ). In my game all are open to join not just Sonya the hour glass body or the amazon hottie.... Give a fair treatment on us the lil brides of the future...

But sometimes the Lighthouse opearator will say "I can't SEA you" coz there are so many hour glass amazons that are probably wicked they are meant to be waved!

For some players they acquired the sickness of microdeletion of genes. It will affect their sensation and they can't feel physical pain or heart pain.

I truly enjoy watching this movie of The Escape Room the tournament of Champions coz it is a movie game and reality game movie.

( vlog for today above inspired by the movie THE ESCAPE ROOM, tournament of champions ).

11:51 am

Still,have windblow...

I feel bitterish... I feel ugly.. Back to my reality, I wanna travel and buy Starbucks everyday... I can't meet anyone that I like here most specially I'm a bummer these days... I wanna leave Cavite if I can't get progress... I wanna get my cousin-white or Daniel coz I've seen no one here.. I wanna get some progress and get some vanities. I feel jealous on some old fakers friends... I need job and money angels! I need job and money...

12:43 noon

Still have windblow...

Mitch can't go up without telling it to me coz I'm genuiene 9 hearts of diamonds. Just don't touch my cousin's most specially the cousin-white without me on the scene! Or it will be hatred forever! Did she give me those simple batteries? Is Mitch met by Borgy already? Even on my cousin's most specially my most loved cousin white... Have a pause!!!

3:07 pm

Still,have windblow...

Don't be a traitor... Spare the life of nana... Don't make John cry he is now sleeping... From the past weeks John is crying while he is sleeping, something bad happened to nana...

Again, this will be the saddest if nana can't go back to her existence knowing that some relatives and friends and some chinese friends who can do the religious act of switching of spirit. Don't be a traitor you are just nearby...

The possibility if they will not survive nana the group of relatives and some people that I know let's say friends who are having the rituals will think of the next step on me....How can they be closer to me? It is a weird traitor plan... or they will just be on a distance... But knowing the situation, I know nana can go back to her existence... Is Denosta linking on the ritual of religious act as well? Is Denosta part of Cavite now?

Again, the bf that I want now are Daniel and most specially my most loved cousin-white... I need a bf these days that I want... But how can I get them,where???

3:34 pm

Still,have windblow...

Me and John will pray later for mama Trining...

It is weird that I bought a powerbank but instead of making my charge to go up,it went down angels....This is a wrong power bank???

Let's try again, I changed the cable wire.

4:07 pm

Still,have windblow...

It went up already! I'm happy angels! I just changed the cable wire..

Thanks Lazadah! This is just 125 pesoses!

7:16 pm

Still,have windblow...

Thanks, for my 3 pamangkin'z they brought us a chicken with spaghetti & green peas et al on a white sauce.

Phem2x, Jaja and Edan.

The powerbank is not that good,not fast charging and easily drain....

So, we prayed awhile ago me and John for our nana's recovery in a lil while though it will take time...

I wanna have a bf that I want like Daniel and my cousin-white coz I have no exposure now and I need a lift, I badly need a lift... But of course I want someone that I think I can be comfortable to be with in a way....The case of my cousin white is really something serious, I feel hatred! I'm aging for nothing... I want a lift!

I still want vanity will tell something on my cousin-white here but does it really matter,still??? If he is already married with someone else? I feel angry and hating him forever that I don't know why...

7:41 pm

Still,have windblow...

Done,eating....He ate the chicken and spaghetti and ate the spam or maling stranogoff instead of beef starnogoff...

10:04 pm

Still,have windblow...

This Crysette went home late...This Harold lately when I locked the gate,I put the padlock after what happened when the time that the friends of Crysette were here and there were 3 people went inside the gate and went straight to their door... Lately,Harold ( brother of Aunt Karen ) and Ivan are always going out...

Then, this Crysette she mentioned twice that why I put a padlock, I said for protection so that no one can go inside and use our gate. This Harold said we shouldn't lock if it is afternoon. I said you don't know the circumstances in life. We are here in the same vicinity, we should have a team work as family. Yeah! There are people coming from other streets or area sometimes they just open our private gate here just to pass through coz they don't have access to the street gate. Our gate here is personal or private gate that's why we created that...

Crysette just went home at 10 pm... The 2 boys went out few minutes ago...

Crysette mentioned twice that why you will lock the gate they can jump on the gate. I said hey! Shut up! Who will jump on the gate, it will not happen coz I will shout out loud! Just lock the gate,I told them I will give them a key, I will look for another padlock by tomorrow...

The possibility the people who would wanted to use the gate,they will pass through using our gate,they will act as one of us here... Hoping everyone here is a family...

10:39 am

Still,have windblow...

So, I already changed the padlock and prepare them their own copy...I will give to Harold later... All I ask is for them to always lock the padlock on our gate as a family here... 10% that there are people who will jump on the gate unless they plan to kill someone here...

No need to put a barb wire there... We've been here for almost 30 years... Hellowie! In this village 30 years already...

10:54 pm

I gave them the copy of their key on the gate... Harold the main holder on the other team beside us, they are our team mates here...

I just told them to always lock the gate even if it is afternoon....

Harold and Ivan on the other house beside us...

[otakween]

Head Start at Birth - Chapters 11-20

Continuing on with this random isekai shoujo...I ended up having to pay real money for some of this because the scanlation was potato quality. Worth the money? No, not really. This manga has been bland af so far. Once again, it's only good quality is it's pretty. (But I persist because completionism and all that jazz lol)

Ch. 11

We get our first glimpse of the city and it's as generic as everything else in this manga -_- (medieval/European vibes)

I don't think anyone has ever looked at their boyfriend eating and thought "how sultry!" Like...unless someone is purposefully eating sexily, it's not a very sexy thing to do.

Ch. 12

Lilia's badass parents continue to be badass. Can the manga just be from their perspective please? lol

It was fun seeing the blue haired version of Lilia (Resler in disguise)

It was nice to see Lilia being protected by her dad (Guy). It's fine if she fights her own battles occasionally, but she's 5 years old and the adults should be looking out for her regardless of her intelligence.

Ch. 13

Lilia talks strategy and learns how to make tiny magical circles. Mom seems to have some serious secret regarding Lilia. Dun dun dunnnn.

When she said "and then I take this second pair of glasses I already had prepared" it felt like I was watching a cooking show where they have a pre-cooked version the dish at the ready lol

Ch. 14

Lilia teaches a buncha commoners her magic circle making process. The plot of this manga is sloooow and feels very "make it up as you go along"

Didn't enjoy Elrich pining for Lilia's company -_- I remember being 14...Maybe he's thinking of her like a little sister but "I want to go to her" sounds strictly romantic to me.

Ch. 15

I've been reading Anne of Avonlea (sequel to Anne of Green Gables) and Anne, a red head, is in a "village improvement society." It kinda feels like Lilia's doing her own improvement society work here by spreading her knowledge to the working class. I was iffy about where this royal family leaned on the morality spectrum, but they're heading in the right direction.

Lilia's mom is preggers. Are they gonna be disappointed that their next child isn't a super genius? lol. I feel like it would be a funny twist if they had another isekai baby (maybe from a different world from Lilia's?) but that's probably giving this series too much credit.

Ch. 16

A pretty boring "Lilia gushes over Elrich" chapter. Not much to say about it.

I forgot that there was a king in this lol

Ch. 17

It's late to be saying this, but there's something icky about these isekai where the premise is "human from our world goes to a fantasy world and is better than literally everyone there/saves the world etc. etc." Even if you have precious human world knowledge, it seems arrogant to imagine that one person would just blow everyone's minds and become ~the chosen one~ or whatever. I think it could be more balanced if it ends up being like "isekai protag brings their knowledge but actually ends up learning more from the fantasy world people and their culture."

Somehow 19 and 9 feels even creepier than 15 and 5 did lol. "He treats me like a lady now~" Nope! Still a child!

At first I thought the little sister was Lizette but she's "Lizlette" instead 😒 sounds made up but okay

Ch. 18

Not much happened in this one. A challenger for Lilia appeared.

I feel like the mangaka keeps introducing random pretty boys that have no purpose aside from looking nice. Oh well.

Ch. 19

Even though Toma's an annoying little brat, I kinda wish Lilia would get with him just so we could nix the age gap relationship.

So Toma and Ayla are the crown prince/princess of the kingdom of magic. What's the other kingdom called? Not sure if I just forgot or they never told us lol

Ch. 20

Lol right after I said Lilia should just be with Toma he made the offer to marry her. Elrich shut it down tho (boo)

Elrich makes a business deal with Toma and Lilia advertises her future course. These chapters are so short...

[craftylovegentlemen]

The Bible Old Testament

1 Samuel

Chapter 2

1 And Hannah prayed, and said, My heart rejoiceth in the LORD, mine horn is exalted in the LORD: my mouth is enlarged over mine enemies; because I rejoice in thy salvation. 2 There is none holy as the LORD: for there is none beside thee: neither is there any rock like our God. 3 Talk no more so exceeding proudly; let not arrogancy come out of your mouth: for the LORD is a God of knowledge, and by him actions are weighed. 4 The bows of the mighty men are broken, and they that stumbled are girded with strength. 5 They that were full have hired out themselves for bread; and they that were hungry ceased: so that the barren hath born seven; and she that hath many children is waxed feeble. 6 The LORD killeth, and maketh alive: he bringeth down to the grave, and bringeth up. 7 The LORD maketh poor, and maketh rich: he bringeth low, and lifteth up. 8 He raiseth up the poor out of the dust, and lifteth up the beggar from the dunghill, to set them among princes, and to make them inherit the throne of glory: for the pillars of the earth are the LORD's, and he hath set the world upon them. 9 He will keep the feet of his saints, and the wicked shall be silent in darkness; for by strength shall no man prevail. 10 The adversaries of the LORD shall be broken to pieces; out of heaven shall he thunder upon them: the LORD shall judge the ends of the earth; and he shall give strength unto his king, and exalt the horn of his anointed.

11 And Elkanah went to Ramah to his house. And the child did minister unto the LORD before Eli the priest. 12 Now the sons of Eli were sons of Belial; they knew not the LORD. 13 And the priests' custom with the people was, that, when any man offered sacrifice, the priest's servant came, while the flesh was in seething, with a fleshhook of three teeth in his hand; 14 And he struck it into the pan, or kettle, or caldron, or pot; all that the fleshhook brought up the priest took for himself. So they did in Shiloh unto all the Israelites that came thither. 15 Also before they burnt the fat, the priest's servant came, and said to the man that sacrificed, Give flesh to roast for the priest; for he will not have sodden flesh of thee, but raw. 16 And if any man said unto him, Let them not fail to burn the fat presently, and then take as much as thy soul desireth; then he would answer him, Nay; but thou shalt give it me now: and if not, I will take it by force. 17 Wherefore the sin of the young men was very great before the LORD: for men abhorred the offering of the LORD. 18 But Samuel ministered before the LORD, being a child, girded with a linen ephod. 19 Moreover his mother made him a little coat, and brought it to him from year to year, when she came up with her husband to offer the yearly sacrifice. 20 And Eli blessed Elkanah and his wife, and said, The LORD give thee seed of this woman for the loan which is lent to the LORD. And they went unto their own home.

21 And the LORD visited Hannah, so that she conceived, and bare three sons and two daughters. And the child Samuel grew before the LORD. 22 Now Eli was very old, and heard all that his sons did unto all Israel; and how they lay with the women that assembled at the door of the tabernacle of the congregation. 23 And he said unto them, Why do ye such things? for I hear of your evil dealings by all this people. 24 Nay, my sons; for it is no good report that I hear: ye make the LORD's people to transgress. 25 If one man sin against another, the judge shall judge him: but if a man sin against the LORD, who shall intreat for him? Notwithstanding they hearkened not unto the voice of their father, because the LORD would slay them. 26 And the child Samuel grew on, and was in favour both with the LORD, and also with men. 27 And there came a man of God unto Eli, and said unto him, Thus saith the LORD, Did I plainly appear unto the house of thy father, when they were in Egypt in Pharaoh's house? 28 And did I choose him out of all the tribes of Israel to be my priest, to offer upon mine altar, to burn incense, to wear an ephod before me? and did I give unto the house of thy father all the offerings made by fire of the children of Israel? 29 Wherefore kick ye at my sacrifice and at mine offering, which I have commanded in my habitation; and honourest thy sons above me, to make yourselves fat with the chiefest of all the offerings of Israel my people? 30 Wherefore the LORD God of Israel saith, I said indeed that thy house, and the house of thy father, should walk before me for ever: but now the LORD saith, Be it far from me; for them that honour me I will honour, and they that despise me shall be lightly esteemed. 31 Behold, the days come, that I will cut off thine arm, and the arm of thy father's house, that there shall not be an old man in thine house.

32 And thou shalt see an enemy in my habitation, in all the wealth which God shall give Israel: and there shall not be an old man in thine house for ever. 33 And the man of thine, whom I shall not cut off from mine altar, shall be to consume thine eyes, and to grieve thine heart: and all the increase of thine house shall die in the flower of their age. 34 And this shall be a sign unto thee, that shall come upon thy two sons, on Hophni and Phinehas; in one day they shall die both of them. 35 And I will raise me up a faithful priest, that shall do according to that which is in mine heart and in my mind: and I will build him a sure house; and he shall walk before mine anointed for ever. 36 And it shall come to pass, that every one that is left in thine house shall come and crouch to him for a piece of silver and a morsel of bread, and shall say, Put me, I pray thee, into one of the priests' offices, that I may eat a piece of bread.

1 Samuel 2

Diane Beauford

[clamantha1138]

White Man

White men have a knack for sticking out. I watched a man moving as if he cut the air to make room for himself. His presence was always violently known and disliked. At points, he was amiable, but this was overshadowed by how useless he was regarding his initial purpose of being present. A white man with high self-confidence falsely built from previous tribulations, which were relayed to me in confidence as are all things I do not care about, simultaneously proved my point and made an entirely new one; White man arrogance is palpable and usable. If and when you are nervous, do as a white man, aka WHATEVER YOU WANT. I recently started a new job. I am perpetually afraid of making a mistake or being perceived as useless. But currently, I’m losing that fear. After having worked as an assistant manager and dealt with that fun aspect of retail, I can wholeheartedly say that even the most unavailing employee can keep their job. Dumb, useless, weak, white men apply in DROVES to *insert dollar store name* just to provide the Worst work I have ever seen. I have worked with a 17-year-old, an active opioid addict, and a caveman (a woman named Melissa) but not even they could hold a candle to these men, whom I was basically paid to babysit. We, unfortunately, can/could not fire them due to needing a “paper trail”. Well, as I said, new job, SO no longer my problem but rather the lady who hired them. My takeaway is: Don't be scared to make a mistake at a new job, there's most likely a white man making a worse one and still getting paid.

[anna-mellgren]

I have been following the fallout after Jenni Hermoso received an unsolicited post-victory kiss from Spanish soccer official Luis Rubiales at the 2023 World Cup final. If this happened in Sweden he would have been fired on the spot, there are deep cultural differences at play here. His mother even went on a hunger strike in defense of her son? If that was my son, I would simply tell him he deserved to get fired and give him a long lecture on female bodily autonomy.

However, if I ever have a son, I plan to hammer into his head what consent means and the importance of female bodily autonomy long before he even starts dating so he knows how to behave. I will have zero tolerance for anything else. Luis Rubiale's mother went on a hunger strike which proves to me she clearly raised him wrong and probably let him get away with arrogant behavior from a young age. You can love your son and still condemn his actions.

It reminds me of when Adrien Brody kissed Halle Berry on stage at the Oscars. People laughed it off and said he was just in the heat of the moment. I remember watching it live and thinking it was a bit f-ed up even back then. She played it off in the moment but later said she was just too shocked to know how to react and didn't enjoy it. Sadly so many women play it off so they don't upset anyone or make a scene when things like that happen.

I had excellent male influences while growing up but in my 20s I had some less great experiences with men. Just to be clear, I like men and think most men have excellent character. To be fair the vast majority of men are great but it can still be a minefield out there.

I am not saying all women are angels in every situation but if you look at the global cases of femicide worldwide you will understand how serious these issues can be. I specialized a bit on gender-based violence during my first stint in law school. I remember reading a case from 2012 where a guy shot his girlfriend point-blank in the head and got 3 years in prison for taking her life. She was only 17 years old and he was 19. This is the value of a human life in Sweden? He was out after a year and a half even though he was declared mentally sane and tried as an adult. Her mother described the sentence as being spit in the face and I agree with her. Cases like these made my blood boil and the sentences are often far too lenient. Sweden is definitely not leading the way on these issues and has a lot to learn which is surprising because Sweden generally considers itself to be further along on gender equality compared to the rest of the world. A country can’t say they care about women if people get a slap on the wrist for domestic abuse, rape or even murder. Sweden has a long way to go in my opinion.

I've had a few less great experiences with men while younger but I've also had incredible experiences to balance it out and give me perspective. I still think overwhelmingly men are great and the feminists who claim that all men are evil are dead wrong. I think it is wrong to hate all men just as much it is wrong for misogynists to hate all women.

With that being said, I hope the next generation will have a greater awareness of consent, bodily autonomy and respect toward all genders. The best path towards change is the conversations you have at home.

📍Update #1

— Ok I think I got triggered by watching the movie It Ends With Us and I will finally write this. Some people think the movie is a bit cheesy & Blake Lively’s PR for the movie is very questionable but I thought it was a great film. It caught the gaslighting perfectly & how domestic abusers can often have respectable jobs & look great on paper. I’ve been on this earth for over 30 years now so I’ve had my share of experiences with men. I believe I am fairly reasonable and I think I have a good relationship with literally every guy I have ever kissed or maybe we have no relationship at all which is completely fine & normal when you carry on with life but I don’t think there is any bad blood & I wish them all well and hope they are happy. I truly mean that. 

There are 3 men however who made my life very difficult in different ways. The first was a fleeting acquaintance I met at a party in Argentina as a teenager and I had to resort to actual self-defense to get myself out of that situation. He didn’t accomplish anything and I felt proud of myself for defending myself but it left me with deep trust issues with men I did not know well. From then on I always watched my back. And my friends’ back. Also, a tip if you're young & going clubbing in Argentina... wear pants. Never skirts. I've had friends who've been groped when wearing a skirt in crowded places. My Argentine friends & I always wore pants when we went out in Argentina for this reason. Men would still sometimes try to pat your behind & then run into the crowd on a few occasions... one time I caught the man's hand & I dug my nails as hard as I could into his arm before he ran off. Welcome to being a woman!

The second guy is a Swedish guy I met in London over a decade ago at a posh nightclub. A friend of a friend was a member which is why I got in. Honestly, my memory from that night is blurry, but I told him I was American. It was a stupid game I sometimes played with friends when I was young and immature because I could listen to what the Swedish guys were saying. I did this only 3-4 times in total when I went out with Americans in Europe because it was fascinating what you would hear when Swedish men thought you were American. My American accent is immaculate so I could get away with it. I know this is morally dodgy but it was just a bit of fun & games up until then (I would never do this now). Anyway, up until then I always felt very safe with Swedish men… I hooked up with a Swedish guy that night but I fairly quickly realized I did not want to see him ever again & I wasn’t even that attracted to him. Hence, I never told him I was Swedish (in retrospect I should’ve told him I was Swedish before we hooked up but I was young, dumb & definitely not very sober). I remember I had left a situationship that was stuck in my mind so my friends 100% encouraged me to find a guy in the club to distract me & cheer me up. To be honest this whole situation with this Swedish guy was very unlike me & I never did anything like that ever again. At that moment in time, I had recently moved back to Sweden after spending a decade abroad & I’m an American citizen so this whole thing about me being American was not taken from thin air but I obviously should have told him I’m Swedish. I know this. He later finds out I am Swedish and begins a decade-long harassment/stalking/cyberbullying campaign against me. I can honestly say I made a mistake but his reaction was disproportionate. This ordeal drove me into some dark waters. Men should consider how far they are willing to go? I came back to the surface after swimming in some very dark waters but not all women have that strength. I think Swedish men from a posh background sometimes think they are all-powerful and will explode if a girl does not want anything to do with them or feel like they have been a bit tricked. Meeting this guy & that whole situation was the biggest mistake of my life. I literally did not go on a date for 6 years because I did not want to deal with men. I was essentially choosing to live in celibacy for 6 years during my prime. I only kissed 3 men on 3 separate occasions during 6 bloody years after that & nothing more. This is how much this affected me. 

The third guy is more of a grey situation. I definitely fancied him and I know he fancied me. In retrospect, I think he just thought I was hot and his feelings might’ve not been that deep. I’ve dealt with guys like that before and sometimes they are not that into you (or I am not that into them) and I’m ok with that and wish them well. If a guy treats me with respect I will always wish them well no matter what feelings are involved… just so we are clear this is not *a scorned woman* situation. He has painted it a bit like that and it makes me angry. If anything this is about a scorned man with an inability to respect a no. This shouldn’t be a surprise because his ego is well-known. This situation happened about a year after the situation with the guy in London. Basically, this guy ignored my boundaries even though I told him I wouldn’t sleep with him before we even entered the building. I wasn’t ready and told him so about 15 times. He seemed to take this as a mortal wound to his ego so I tried to tell him that if we get to know each other better and if he came to visit me then maybe we could take the next step. I really liked him and was hopeful. Somehow he only heard the second half of that sentence and behaved in a really awful way. He ignored my boundaries and behaved in a way that was hard for me to reconcile. We met his friend who came back with a girl that night, they thought I was fine when we talked but the night took a turn after that. Clearly, little details have been missed when I haven’t been around to contradict anything. I was already dealing with the situation with the guy I met in London and I did not have the strength to confront this head-on. I blamed myself for this for a long time but it is very common for women to do this in these situations. For many years I told myself that he was young and got ahead of himself… that it wasn’t that bad etc etc etc. But it was pretty bad. Just for the record I was fully dressed, refused to get undressed, tried to leave at one point etc. His ego didn’t take that well. This is on him. He thinks he only behaved like an asshole and will admit that, but I say no. It was beyond that. 

Somehow I still had feelings for him and I really wanted to believe this was drunk miscommunication but I never contacted him or any mutual acquaintances/friends whenever I visited his country after that. I think that says a lot. I put the whole situation in a closet and closed the door. It was not until I heard his narrative/version of events of that night from an acquaintance that I contacted him. What followed was a year-long communication which was a bit of a death spiral where I tried to forgive but I couldn’t really make up my mind… I went back & forth & it got pretty toxic. In retrospect, I think it was very naive of me to think we could work it out. From the very beginning, I knew my anger, bordering on rage, might drive him away forever and it did. A part of me wanted that & a part of me didn’t. I said I would not mention it here and I was planning on upholding that promise until I heard what he had said about me behind my back. He can spin the narrative by showing excerpts of our communication but the entire picture is very different if you see all communication. If there were CCTV cameras from that night I know that the truth would align with me. At the end of the day, I gave him the benefit of the doubt which is far more than most women would do but I will not be silenced or labeled something I am not. He did not try to rape me so we are clear but his behavior was not good so we are also clear on that. If a girl is not ready, then she is not ready. It will not matter if a man is carved by the gods themselves… sometimes a woman need to establish an emotional connection before sleeping with someone. End of story. Sexual coercion should be taught more thoroughly in schools. He said he is sorry but I think he was prepared to say anything to make me shut up. I will never mention who, where, or what this is about. His privacy will always be protected. I will never show our communication or go into anything else, so he doesn’t have to worry about his name being exposed. But he shouldn’t expect complete silence from me after what he put me through. I am entitled to share my experiences in life as a female without ever naming him to anyone. That is my final act of mercy. Ironically the only people who might suspect it might be about him are the people he talked about me to. My closest friends don’t even know his full name and I will keep it that way because I know he is sorry. He might be a good person but he was not a good person to me that night. I will not be completely silenced. This text is not about him or to get back at him.. I am writing this because I have found it very healing to listen to other women who’ve had similar experiences with men but have gotten on with life & thrived. Not feeling alone with a situation is healing. I am writing this to help other women feel less alone… not to get back at someone. He thinks I dragged him through hell but what he doesn’t realize is that he pushed me into the fire first. 

He told me he had thought about me in the months before I contacted him & it was like I could sense it. Feelings don’t die a natural death when you don’t see someone for years… the feelings can linger. I think I subconsciously wanted any lingering feelings to die on both sides and I accomplished that after I contacted him. I wish him well but I am glad we don’t live close to each other. In the end, he said I completely changed him as a person & he would never treat a woman like that again & any future sons would be taught to do better so I don’t regret my communication with him. I later learned there were some red flags I had missed about him. Sometimes I think you have to bring a man’s hand to the fire to truly make him change his ways and I think I accomplished that.

Basically what I am saying is that I have been to hell and back with men. For many years I barely let a man touch me, it got to the point where some friends even suggested that I should date a woman. I think sexuality is on a spectrum but (perhaps unfortunately) I am very straight on that spectrum. I can appreciate female beauty but I have never been attracted to women. I am attracted to men & masculinity even if I avoided it for years. Men can distract, delay & almost destroy you if you’re really unlucky. Remember to be independent, go to school & pay your own bills. Hope for the best but always prepare for the worst when it comes to romance. Make sure you can always land on your feet no matter what comes your way. Most importantly, don’t lose hope in love because I can guarantee there are so many wonderful souls out there waiting for you. 

So if you’ve been in a similar situation, know that you are not alone. Also, perhaps most importantly, there are so many good men out there so don’t drown yourself in sorrow. For every bad guy, there is at least 10 amazing guys. There is so much beauty in the world. And seek help if you need it. ❤️

📍Update # 2

Buckle up, I know this is long and you can skip if you feel like it doesn't apply to you. Let’s get to the root of this because I want to clarify one thing with the situation with this Swedish guy - The only reason I even started saying I was American a few times when I was out in Europe is because it was an excellent weeding out process for detecting men with bad intentions… (I only did this 3-4 times in total). It started out when I took out 2 American friends in Stockholm and I probably saved them from 2 giant red flags. I ran into an old school friend that night in Stockholm & got distracted chatting with her so my American friends went to the bar to get us drinks. I realized they had been gone for a while so I went to get them and realized they had been chatting with 2 Swedish guys in the bar. They are good-looking girls so I was not surprised. These Swedish guys thought I was American too and before I could say anything I heard how they talked about my friends in Swedish. I am not going to repeat what they said but clearly, they did not have great intentions. I played along for a while but I said a few choice words in Swedish to them before we decided to leave and their jaws were on the floor. The night in London is literally the only time I actually hooked up with a Swedish guy after telling him I was American, this was definitely a mistake on my part but I don’t think I should be crucified for it. I don’t think this is what set him off in the end…  his biggest issue was that I didn’t want to see him again. Judge my friends and I for being young & dumb but let's also be clear that Sweden is sometimes called the rape capital of Europe for a reason… you shouldn’t judge a young woman too harshly for getting a bit creative when trying to weed out bad apples on a night out. It was a mistake on my part which I never did again but there was also a reason behind it. For many, many years I stayed quiet but it did not work & this Swedish guy kept going after me, it was not until I used my voice that I saw change. Use your voice. Know your rights. Help others. My whole future in law will be devoted to this.

~ Why did I even share my experience with the 3rd guy? Because I feel like I am forced to & I will actually go into some detail here because I have been silent for so long. He has called me crazy to people who know who I am… even though I have actually gone quite soft on him and moved heaven & earth to understand him. To be clear we only had email communication where I confronted him about his behavior, it does not make me crazy. He was even the one who resumed contact after not emailing for a few months. We forgave each other but also blocked each other in the end. It was definitely for the best and we agreed we would keep this between us & not contact each other again. This was fine but here is the thing, I will defend my name. So I will tell you why I reacted a bit crazy or overreacted (according to him) because we should establish what actually happened that night:

Perhaps a general rule of thumb going forward for all men is not to get a condom when a woman is refusing to shed a layer of clothing? Perhaps never shed your clothes before a woman does in the first place? Perhaps don’t get undressed a second time after she made you get dressed/threatened to leave the first time you got undressed?! A woman might have kissed you & likes you but it doesn’t mean that she wants it… especially if she keeps telling you that she does not want it? If she tells you she really likes you but she is not ready? If she removes your hands? If she tells you she is about to cry? All of that happened but we still settled for drunk miscommunication & when I asked for an apology/accountability in an email years later… I am the crazy one? But guess what? I will defend my name. We don’t live in the same country. We don’t have the same group of friends but we have common acquaintances. He knows people who know who I am. So yes… it does hurt me when he calls me crazy or twist the truth to people who know who I am because I confronted him about his behavior after years & years of staying silent. I’ve been understanding to a fault & protected him for a long time but I don’t feel like I have been protected by him. I will never talk about him so his name is exposed. I want him to carry on with life and be happy because I know he is very sorry but I will defend my name which is why I shared this. Now people can make up their own minds for the few who might know who I am talking about. At the end of the day, this could have been a nice evening of just kissing & reconnecting. We could have parted ways just as friends or even stay in touch but the night was ruined because his astronomical ego could not take a no. It felt like he lost control even though he reeled himself in in the end. Before this, I distrusted men I didn’t know but this event led me to distrust all men.

I will actually continue going into some details because the third guy is different from the other 2 men because I knew him a bit before all of this went down & I feel like I was forced into silence. For a long time, I gaslighted myself that his behavior was a drunk mistake & miscommunication because I truly could not grasp the fact he behaved like that on purpose. It was not until I communicated with him that I slowly understood it was intentional (even though he was sorry) & it was not until then that my feelings cooled for good because I understood I had been gaslighting myself about his character. I also let him gaslight me about his behavior. This is the only time that a man whom I've known a bit from before who has ever been nasty to me. I am certainly guilty of saying many stupid things after a few drinks when I was younger, but I was never nasty to anyone. If anything I would be over-complimentary & tell a girl she is pretty 5 times if I liked her outfit, I was 10x more social & perhaps guilty of kissing a guy I thought was cute on a night out but that is literally it when it came to my young drunk escapades. I was young… I barely drink or go out anymore & prefer a cozy night in 👵🏻 I understand now that I was gaslighting myself about his character when he told me ”it didn’t matter I wouldn’t sleep with him because he could sleep with any girl in the class” 🚩. To be honest, I would never have shared this if I hadn't heard how he talked about our night… I excused it as a drunk talk/mistake back then but I think it was an insight into his mindset at the time. He clearly did not have a filter because he knew I was leaving the country soon afterward… that is what unnerved me the most all those years, the complete disrespect. I was blindsided by it. His astronomical ego got in the way when things didn't go his way & he started behaving badly. It was not until I got older myself that I truly understood what a shit situation this night was & I was mad at myself for being so forgiving. I also think there are slight cultural differences here, I think Swedish women are far less forgiving for this type of behavior. I am not sure though because I think the nail in the coffin was when I asked an acquaintance from his country what she thought of him (without mentioning any of the history I had with him)… she casually told me she thought he was ~sus~ simply because she had noticed he had followed a certain rugby player on social media after a rape trial a few years back. He did not follow any other athletes & only followed this athlete after the trial in an obvious sign of support. The man was cleared of rape but the evidence was super clear how this rugby player & his mates had behaved terribly & they had talked about women in a very disgusting way. A lot of women rightfully took up arms about it after the trial… but he probably saw a bit of himself in this rugby player & wanted to show support. This is when I understood that I clearly missed a few 🚩

Here is the thing, I am not like Vogue Williams who can forgive a man who behaved like a sex-addicted sociopath for 10 years before dating him. I would hold a grudge and question his character? If I was Vogue, I would ask Spencer why he cheated on his ex-girlfriend in her bed? I wouldn’t be able to forgive it even if it didn’t happen to me because behavior like that truly gives me the ick. I get the same ick if a man treats a waitress badly. It matters to me how men treat women in their lives who do not matter to them. I don’t care if a man has ~changed~ for me because deep down it is not who he is. I think it is completely normal to have clashing personalities with an ex, to not agree on things, to have fierce arguments, or to have feelings fade but I am not a woman who will forgive disgusting behavior. I want a man to have a good character from day one, long before I met him. That is why I contacted him, to seek clarity & perhaps confirm my therapist’s suspicion that I was gaslighting myself about his character/behavior. I forgive him & have a certain understanding that we were young but I don’t forgive myself for not letting myself see him for who he was & that it would never have worked for us from day one. He would've driven me nuts. Looking back I am only sorry I was so apologetic to him. Again, I am writing this because for many years I never said a peep but hearing other women share their experiences was healing for me. This man is not a monster, in fact, I think he just didn’t know better at the time. Or he didn't fully understand just how bad his behavior was. This is why we need to have these conversations.

He thinks I have changed my mind over time, but no, I was also young and just trying to cope. Blaming yourself is a coping mechanism, fairly certain several PhDs have been written about it. I am older now and my bs tolerance is lower because I am less naive. Now I understand it only went this far because I was leaving the country shortly afterward. I certainly contemplated just staying quiet forever and let his narrative rule the day but it is not in my nature, I am a fighter. In elementary school I punched a school bully until he got a bloody nose because he was mean to my best friend at the time because she was African-American. He never said a mean word to her or physically attacked her again so guess what, it worked. He had made her life hell before I came to the school from sweden. Our parents were called to the principal's office & everything. When my mom softly tried to tell me that I needed to tell my teacher if someone was being bullied, I yelled back "how am I supposed to do that when I don't speak english yet?" & my mom just rolled her eyes. For the rest of the year this girl and I were as thick as thieves.. she helped me with english & I was her bodyguard on the playground. A perfect bestie for my 7-year-old self. The bully's dad was happy the incident came to light because he didn't know his son was a bully before then. My mom low-key loves this story even though she would never condone violence but she also said she never worried about me because she knew I would always fight back. My grandfather always said I had some viking blood in me lol. I was never bullied during my grade school & high school years so I never had to fight back. I was blessed to be surrounded by kind souls during my school years after that.

Ultimately I was inspired my hero, Dr Ann Olivarius OBE, to use my voice. To share my experiences. Fight back when you have to. Don't be forced into silence.

For a long time I stayed quiet about the third guy but why should I keep completely quiet when he couldn't extend the same favor to me? In my heart, I know he behaved the way he did because he always banked on me keeping quiet & leaving the country, he picked the wrong girl though. This is what made me so sad and angry because to everyone he made it sound like I was just a fast & loose swedish girl willing to jump into bed with him... I know for a fact this is basically what he told a lot of people more or less (we only kissed so we are real clear here because I repeatedly refused anything else). In reality, we bickered half the night about boundaries & he was quite nasty & aggressive with me when he didn't get what he wanted. Thankfully I was old enough to stand my ground, a younger girl might give in to such pressure though. We were both in our early 20s but I think he is more mature now and different. I want him to carry on & I will protect his privacy because he is very sorry & we have both suffered enough now. Lessons have been learned.

But why share? These situations are more common than you think, often the situations are far worse than what I experienced. I have a friend who was in a much darker place than me because of a man and when I shared my experiences she felt less alone & I helped her pull herself up from the brink. She is beautiful & doing well but she went through some things no woman should. Sharing is healing for women. Not being alone in a situation is healing. The movie It Ends With Us was healing for me. I also think men might think twice about their own behavior (or perhaps be a bit more critical of a mate’s behavior) towards women if you force them to see a female perspective. This is why I shared my experiences but I know many women have far worse experiences than me. The only reason I went into such detail is because I know from experience that my words will be twisted otherwise, this is why this text got so long. From being 17 years old and fighting off a guy twice my size when he tried to lock me into a room at a party, to these other 2 experiences made me lose a bit of hope in men... especially after what the Swedish guy put me through. I regained trust in men after a long time because I met a guy who understood me & gave me time to build trust again. I am not sure what would’ve happened if I never met him, the woman who raised him deserves the Nobel prize.

These 3 situations with the men I mentioned above are from 3 different countries. The situations are of varying degrees of severity but it should help you understand this is a widespread problem. Last but not least, there might be some spelling mistakes in this text because I am unable to disable Swedish auto-correct & can’t be bothered but I think you get the picture.

I know this is very long, it has been on my mind for a long time but I am tired of not having a say about my own narrative. I am not planning to have this post up forever but it will be here for a little while. I will eventually delete it forever when I am ready to do so.

Update: I just saw the documentary about Luis Rubiales & the Spanish national team. His ego & arrogance are very similar to the men I described above… especially how he will admit absolutely no wrongdoing. If there is any takeaway from the documentary is that these types of men will never admit any wrongdoing (big or small)... even when it is caught on camera. I think his arrogant behavior & denial afterward in the documentary annoyed me even more than the kiss.

Last Update: I read through the separate lawsuits filed by Blake Lively & Justin Baldoni. Neither of them come off particularly well in the court documents. I usually don't engage in celebrity warfare but I had no idea this went on behind the scenes and I will probably never see the movie It Ends With Us again because of it.

[idunnoficsorsumthing]

This might be the summer heat…… Part 5

Hangman x female! Reader

Warnings: uhh sex is insinuate. Some things described. But, this is not a major smut chapter. But, for legal reasons still 18+

Y/n Mitchell joins her father at Top Gun for the summer, as she is flirting dangerously with Hangman.

Author’s note: I want to thank everyone for sticking with me through this fic. I know not everything makes sense but let’s not get technical. I watched Top Gun Maverick for the third time Thursday, and I want to apologise for not posting sooner.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

August

You loved the way Hangman was around you. He would leave hickeys all over your body, and was possessive over you when a guy was looking over at you when working, and when you would play pool with them he would pull you on his lap when it was someone else’s turn. He even took you out on a date, eventually. With that keeping his promise. He took you to the carnival, and even won you a really big stuffed animal. You thought it was luck but he insisted that it was because he had “mad shooting skill”. That was how you liked him. Like a confident bastard. Which had the major downside, especially when the two of you would argue. Most of the arguments were about the guys at the bar that would flirt with you. Or, when he was being his arrogant flirty self with some girl.

Your dad refused to stay over at Penny’s anymore. Being a natural cock block for you, and Jake. It worked for a while. Until Jake figured out that he could climb into your window, and then he felt like the most ridiculous 31 year old that had to climb through his girlfriend's window like he was some 17 year old. He quickly got over it when the two of you were getting spicy, and he kept you quiet with a hand over your mouth. He would wait for you to fall asleep, and then make his way to the barracks. You woke up, still feeling an arm around your waist, and his breathing in your neck. He had snuggled you close in your arms. “Hangman.” You mumbled. Trying to awaken him, you tried to wiggle out of his grip to check the time. But, it must’ve already been at least 8. you knew he had to get up at four thirty normally. He was already late for duty. “Hangman” you repeated. You had been wiggling enough to awaken a part of him. You felt him poking against your back. “Jake.” You said, trying to get his attention. This time wiggling your butt. “Stop teasing, woman.” he said, tightening his grip to keep you still. A chuckle escaped your lips. “You’re late.” You said, you await a hastened response of ‘oh shit. Cyclone is going to kill me’ but it didn’t come. “It is sunday, dummy.” He answered. You wanted to argue with him that it wasn’t but then you remembered that Rooster was coming today. Though this felt comfortable, and his radiating body heat caused you to flutter your eyes closed again.

You could feel Jake place kisses on your neck near your earlobe. Jup. He was up. You let out a small gasp, when his arm moved from your waist to your breast, and started to play with your nipple under your shirt. “Jake.” You mumbled softly. He finally let you out of his grip enough for you to roll over to face him. You let your fingers glide from his hair to his jawline repeating it slowly. “I love that sound.” he said, you looked into his eyes that made your brain go into a frenzy. You were sure he could ask you anything if only he continued to look at you like that. “What?” you ask, a smile appears on your face. “Nothing.” He mumbled. He continued on with touching you all over, placing kisses on your neck that undoubtedly would turn into more hickeys. “Jake, I’m hungry.” You said, he let out a small chuckle as he looked up. “How about I eat you out. We eat breakfast, and then we have sex. All day.” He said, you thought about what he said, and how desperate you were to really enjoy the day with him like this. You couldn’t. “I can’t.” You said, he signed. “Rooster is coming later today. We were going to a railroad museum.” You explained. Hangman’s expression changed. “His idea?” He asked. You scrunch up your nose. “Come on, you’d rather do that then have sex with your boyfriend?” He taunted. You get out of his grip to get up. “Boyfriend Huh?” You said, as you left him in bed, you walked to the bathroom. You were just teasing him.

Rooster had picked you up in his car, you loved his car. It was comfortable, and the interior still smelled like new leather. Your hair was still drying a bit after the shower, Jake had joined you even after you told him to go home before Rooster would show up. But, instead he sweet talked you into letting him insert himself in the shower, and insert him in you. It became somewhat of a time crunch when Rooster knocked on your door. You kind of regret not staying with Hangman, and then the two of you could go to the beach and make out, and at the end of the day go out for dinner. Though you missed spending time with Rooster. The railroad museum was your way of making a peace offer. He hadn’t been the same towards you since you picked Jake. “I was glad you called.” Rooster said he had rolled down all the windows, and you leaned your arm on the opening so the cold hit your arm. “I- uh I haven’t seen you talking to Hangman in a while.” Rooster said, you thought back for a second to this past week, and you hadn’t been to the Hard Deck much, not a lot of hours had to be made. “Is that why you called?” You asked him. He shrugs, adjusting his sunglasses. “No, of course not.” He said, you change his radio station. “But?” You ask. “Come on, it is Hangman. Your dad is going hard on him. He’ll leave you hanging.” He said, no pun intended by the look on his face. You were getting annoyed by his remarks. “Can you quit it?” You ask. “I’m already having a hard time getting my dad to warm up to him.” You explained. You rub your fingers against your temple. “Fine. I won’t.” He said, you give him a smile, and turn up the volume when the words from Fools Garden echoed through the car.

Summer went by quickly. Faster than you wanted, you just wanted to stay in the moment forever. Though as the second to last week of break started it became clear that tensions were running high on base. A mission to go on a navy ship to enemy territory was approaching. This would be for 6-8 months, not a lot of details known to the public. What you knew about it you got from your dad. Hangman didn’t talk about it, instead anytime you wanted to ask him about it, he started to distract you with something. Until you were working your shift at the Hard Deck, looking forward to closing time. It was then that you saw him walk into the door wearing a heavy face. He sits down at the bar, he didn’t peck a kiss on you like he had been doing these past weeks. His male territorial behavior as you called it, and he defended it as him being tooth rotting sweet. He nursed his beer till he could take you home, it took an hour. In the car you talked about the furniture you had to get out of storage next week to put into your new apartment. As your lease wasn’t renewed last semester. You get out of the car expecting Hangman to follow you inside. He didn’t. He stood by the side of his car. “You don’t want to go in?” You ask. He shook his head. “I think we need to see other people.” He said, it was like he punched you right in your face. You had seen him two days ago, and he was perfectly happy with you. Your brain was working overtime trying to register what he said. “I- uh I” just fell out of your mouth. “I just feel like now you are going back to school, and I am going on the mission,” he explained. You couldn’t look him in the eye, this was the moment you regretted his arrogance. He wasn’t sincere, not one goddamn moment. “So this is it. Rooster was right.” You tell him. The mention of Rooster created a fire inside of you. How the hell was that guy right, he never was. “Don’t bring him into this.” Hangman said, you nod. “You’re right. What the fuck is wrong with you?” You ask, your voice got louder as your shock was turning into pure rage. “What did you expect? That you could shake your ass once, and I’d marry you or something.” He scoffed. He crossed his arms in a loose manner. “Fuck you.” You yelled at him. “Well, you already did, sweetheart. Multiple times.” You couldn’t grasp what he was saying. “Unfortunately, yes.” You said softly. That was the last you said, as you turned around, and made your way inside.

Tagged: @18crazybutcutealsopsycho

@domerpalmer @dempy

[cowboylikeghost]

Here are 73 fact about me that nobody ask for but i need validation

1- I love Reading, drawing and plants even if i always kill them

2- I'm a whore for Jane Austen

3- I love when people prove that a conspiracy theory is false

4- I have a weird passion for geology and paleontology

4- I probably have undiagnosed ADHD because of my mother

5- I'm bad at frienship, every of them have to be special

6- My love language is talking about my passion and learning everything about the person, people think it's weird, i have nobody

7- I'm hopeless romantic even if i act like i'm not

8- I hate being touch and i hate hug, they feel weird to me

9- I hate when someone is next to me and their arm or knee touch me, it's make me feel anxious

10- I'm an introvert with diagnosed social anxiety, i'm also an infp and a sagittarius

11- I'm bi and disgusted about the idea of having s*x with someone, i think i'm ace, nobody will ever love me like i do

12- Autumn is the best season and i basically live for rainy day, if it could rain forever i will be the happiest

13- I love academic validation but i suck at school, my only way to work is to pretend i'm Chilton Rory Gilmore

14- I read non stop for 6 month and after i go on a reading slump for the rest of the year

15- I don't have a stable personality

16- I write sad poetry

17- I'm sad and this is my main personality trait

18- My family said that i'm basically sadness from this Disney movie

19- I want to move in a cottage in England with a lot of mountains so i can found cool rocks

20- I have a no self control and a big problem with my emotions

21- I get angry very easily

22- I only have 3 friends and one of them is my sister

23- I have commitment issues

24- I broke up two times in two years with two different girls that lives at more than 8h from me

25- I hate what the french language became even if i can't write a sentence without any fault

26- English is my fav subject at school

27- I hate eyes contact, it's make me uncomfy and i feel like people judge me

28- I feel like i'm better than everyone

29- I feel like everyone hate me

30- I feel sorry for every teacher

31- I love being in my bed, scrolling on my phone or reading but i hate sleeping because i feel like i'm wasting my time

32- Sometimes i wake up in the middle of the night because i feel like i forgot something for school, even if i'm in vacation

33- I hate people at school because i get bullied

34- People don't like me but i would kill to have someone like me in my life so i don't understand

35- I don't understand every jokes, i just know it's suppose to be funny so i laught, i just understand that

36- Taylor Swift is my only religion

37- I Iove more Harry styles songs than Harry styles himself, i found him arrogant and he always date problematic women, Stan Niall

38- I would do anything for Ben Barnes and Tom Hiddleston or any british men in their 40 who have a degree in literature

39- I relate to Spencer Reid in a way that nobody could ever understand

40- I love true crime, my favorite stories are about cult

41- My love for my cat is not healthy, if he died, i have to follow him

42- I alway stop watching Gilmore girls when Rory finish Chilton because i hear that she became annoying but she's one of my confort character so i don't want to see it

43- I prefer the marauders over the golden trio

44- I'm a Remus Lupin kinnie and a James Potter Simp

45- I hate Dumbledore with my whole heart i could talk about it for hours

46- I started all the young dudes, i like it but i cry at every chapter so i stoped

47- I hate my brother but if he died i would be destroyed

48- When i was little i have an obsession with panda and now i have panda everywhere in my room

49- I don't know if i want to live alone forever because i like the idea or because of any other reason

50- I alway need adults validation

51- When i was a kid i was sleeping with my socks on because i liked it but i learned that some people think it's weird so i stoped

52- I eat my cereal with no milk and i don't understand the debate, for me it always taste the same: disgusting

53- I hate touching food that isn't mine ( like when someone ask if you want to taste their meal, or if you have to clean something that someone else eat in, it's just make me want to threw up)

54- I have to sleep with no sound, if you breath a little to loud i will not be able to sleep, i'll be angry and probably hit you, one time my sister breathed too loud and i cryed

55- When i was a kid i hated turtle neck, it maked me feel like i was chocking but i learned how to support it even if it's still uncomfy

56- I hate when a shirt, a dress or a blouse show too mutch of my skin, i don't like it

57- I always wear a tank top with my t-shirt and if i don't i feel naked

58- My first panick attack was because i had a fight with my brother and my dad was yelling at me and didn't see it (i'm not mad at him)

59- When i was little i acted like i couldn't read because i was scared my mom will not read story to me anymore

60- I had my first phone at 13 but i wish i didn't

61- When i was 11 i started reading sm*t on my DS and it became an addiction, i wish everyday i forget what i read

62- I realise i was bi because of Millie Bobby Brown in Stranger things

63- I didn't realise my feminisme wasn't good until a 12yrs old insulted me in a comment section, i said thanks to her after

64- I love kids, i think they're cute and i'm jealous of their innocence so i act like i hate them

65- I want to raise a kid alone in the forest

66- I'm sure that my grandma in my dad side is a lesbian and that my mom is bisexual but have internalised homophobia

67- I hate when boomer joke about hating their husband/wife, just divorce

68- I still have my babies plush even if they're disgusting and look possessed

69- I sleep with my fairy lights on because three month ago i had a sleep paralysis

70- My parents are responsible of 80% of my insecurities and don't even know it

71- I love when it's get dark earlier in autumn/winter

72- I'm an Amy March simp

73- I just made a liste of 73 fact about me